#but also i am pretty much devastated that loki is alone!

[beth-is-rainpaint]

I've realized my feelings about the Loki s2 finale are roughly analogous to my feelings about AoS 4x15 ("Self-Control") in that I recognize they're both excellent episodes of television, but also they make me sad.

[scrumptious-finicky-illusion]

This has been going through my mind a lot lately. It's such a devastating reply to wield against assholes, bad-faith arguers, and the fucking fun police (aka puritanical busybodies, terves, and fascists).

I got fired from my new(ish) job 10 days ago. I loved the little group I worked with and a lot of other employees outside of the group. But I was a bad fit for the way the company wanted things done. I wasn't methodical enough, organized enough, or fast enough. I got written up for the things I did to address the problems they wrote me up for in the first place, and I didn't even think to push back on anything they said, even though I was literally using their methods to try and "improve." My last week there, my supervisor pretty much acted like I didn't exist. Which made me think that maybe, just maybe all the maximum effort I was putting in was finally paying off. Boy, did I feel extra dumb walking out of the office on Friday. Getting the silent treatment now makes me think they made the decision to let me go even before my probation period was up. I was am devastated.

Even though the job (technically the employees) gave me some weird this feels wrong vibes from my first week. At least it was better than my last job, which was pretty abusive from the get go, that I just kept tolerating and working around, for many years.

Cue me using all of last week to not get out of bed but also to go through all 5 stages of grief in random order (with the support of my partner). Financially we're okay. Mentally I've had my entire (tiny) stock of confidence in myself pulled out from under me, and my depression, which was slowly starting to lessen with me having a job, hit some new lows. Do you know how shameful it feels to talk to people who ask me about my job that I got fired? I don't either. I've just avoided talking to anyone who isn't either my bestie or living in my house (a whole two people).

But that picture up there, that particular quote, from a website I used to enjoy that got hijacked by a real life Justin Hammer, those words, now try saying something true and beautiful kept rattling around in my head.

I've been avoiding food. Feeling shaky because of low blood sugar feels better than feeling like I was so wrong blind about how things were going at my job.

My partner was away at a convention all weekend, so I got to be alone with myself in a way I don't often get to. No agenda, no plans, no putting everyone else first to allow me to neglect myself, just doing what I wanted when I wanted. It was great, because my life was finally quiet enough for me to hear what I wanted to do (or not do).

I left all my work crap in my car for most of the week. I brought my office plant into the house and saw it had a post it note stuck in the dirt. It had a phone number I thought I'd forgotten to get.

I cried.

I went to the grocery store to get one thing that my brain allowed me to eat (an ethnic cookie). I also bought a bunch other stuff, anything my brain even perked up a little bit at the thought of. I was debating fast food options while at the market, and once I was out, I decided not to think about it anymore and just go get the Loki Season 2 meal from the drive through. It's been so long since I just-- ordered a combo, the cashier had to ask me if I wanted a Coke. Yep. Large? Yep. So I got my two packets of Loki-show branded sweet and sour sauce.

<Kronk voice>And I drank most of that there Coca Cola fountain drink at 3pm in the afternoon. The one with the real sugar in it. The kind of soda I don't normally drink. You know, one that had more caffeine in that serving than I'd had over the entire month before. The quantities of caffeine I usually avoid.

The Large®.

</Kronk voice>

And then came the ideas. There were plot bunnies that I didn't just sit around and dream about. There was writing. There was some rewriting. There was more writing. I was up until 3 or so. Lay in bed until about 8:30 am continuing to work (but on my phone) Came out and put it on my laptop, kept going all day yesterday until 2am, and started again today until I felt about 80 percent done with the barf-it-all-out-on-the-page kind of writing and 20 percent done with the snap-all-the-pieces-onto-the-timeline-slash-grid editing.

I noticed that my writing is both architectural and garden-like at the same time. Like an espaliered apple tree.

(I think that's an apple tree.) You can make trees do tricks like this, and they'll produce hella more fruit in way less space, but only if you train it on a grid or wires or a lattice from a very young age. Every year the tree branches get a little bigger and a little longer, and you bend them carefully until they go the way you have planned. It's fussy. It takes time and regular attention (exactly the way my brain doesn't work).

But I can throw a few sentences on a page, keep going, look up at what came before and see that it needs a few words added in here and there, keep going, look up again and add a few more words in other places, again and again, etcetera, ad nauseum. Start at the top and do it all again. It's cool to see my sentences grow like that.

Should I say that acquiring The Loki Sauce cured my writer's block? It would be irresponsible to. But I think I will anyway.

If you are reading this, all the way down here at the end of the post, bless you. Thanks for reading.

[raineydays411]

Oh,what am I supposed to do without you.

Loki x daughter!reader pt 2

Summary: You never knew your mother, but from the journal your Uncle Thor gave you, you knew she was a special women. You also knew that you were the splitting image of her.

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki’s POV

Silence. That's all he heard now. No more sweet laughter. No more soft humming as she walked through the garden. No more mumbled words of love and whispers of sweet nothings. No all her heard was silence. Silence in the chambers that once belonged to the both of them. Silence as he walked the halls of a busy palace. Full of people but he was always alone. Silence..in the nursery that has been empty for nearly sixteen years. The bright beautiful colors, dull and covered in a layer if dust. But what else is new, everything has been dull since his beloved has died. 

After he had his daughter sent away, Thor had been on more off world missions. He would leave for long periods of time and only come back to visit. Frigga would look at Loki with disappointed and pitiful eyes, that he would pointedly ignore. And while Loki managed to pull himself together and leave his room, he still had this dark depressing cloud over him. He was barely holding it together. 

He was just...dark. His mischievous ways became cruel. Harmless pranks he used to play turned into mean tricks. His dry wit became cruel taunts. And when he wasn’t tormented people he was distant. There have been several times maids have found him staring out windows or at walls just lost in thought. Thinking of the life he could have had. A happy life with his wife and a child. 

If only...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n POV

Millions of light years away in Midgard, or earth, there was you. Y/n Odinson. After being sent away by Loki, Thor had taken you to live with Heimdall wanting to keep you close and true to your asgardian roots. But with Heimdall being the literal guardian of worlds and you growing to be a rather curious child, it wasn’t really a good match. So Thor took you to the only other place he could think of.

The Avengers HQ.

At first the team wasn’t too fond of the idea. Having a kid running around a superhero base isn’t really ideal. But after a while you won them over. Everyone absolutely adored you. Tony bought you any and everything you ever wanted, Bruce was your go to for advice, Steve doted on you and played with you whenever you wanted, Natasha was your self proclaimed aunt, and Clint was your fun uncle. Hell even Bucky found himself wrapped around your little finger. Yes, you had a wonderful life indeed.

But even though you could have anything you ever wanted, you still felt like you were missing something. Your parents.

You knew you were an asgardian. Your uncle Thor made sure you stayed true to your roots and you remembered the little time you spent on the planet. But you had no idea who your parents were. Every time you asked, Thor would always manage to change the subject. Other than the Avengers, who were more like aunts and uncles, you didn’t really have parents.

Now you knew you didn’t need them. You had a whole family of people who loved you like their own. But you couldn’t help but feel like there was something missing.

It wasn’t until a few days after your sixteenth birthday that you learned the truth. 

See you always knew you were asgardian, but never knew who your parents truly were. You couldn’t remember your life in Asgard, much less your parents. Thor refused to tell you who your parents were. The most you got out of him was that you looked almost exactly like your mother and that she was the sweetest person he knew. 

So when your fingers started turning a light blue and ice started shooting out of them, it was a little surprising to say the least. It happened on your birthday. Tony decided that it would be a wonderful idea to throw you a surprise party. And usually, you wouldn’t mind it as you’re actually pretty good at socializing. But ever since you woke up, you haven’t been feeling too well. Your head has been hurting, you felt light headed, and you just felt cold. Your hands and toes felt as if you were standing in the snow for hours.

 As you were walking into the common room, the Avengers and some of your friends popped out, scaring the absolute crap out of you. Resulting in you pulling an Elsa and then passing out. And while everyone fussed over you, trying to figure out what the hell happened, Thor was planning on taking you to Asgard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After persuading the team ( specifically Bucky and Tony), you found yourself behind Thor as he was greeted by a man who looks a lot like Idris Elba. 

“Heimdall!!” Thor boomed embracing the man “It’s wonderful to see you again my friend.” 

“Thor, its been too long!” Heimdall says with a smile,” Does the all father know about our dear visitor?” He says, golden eyes looking into yours. Your face grows hot under his gaze as you smile at him shyly. His face softens at the sight of you.

“Y/n, welcome home” He says with a nod of his head. Your eyes widen as you distinctly remember not telling him your name. Thor and Heimdall chuckle at the look of surprise on your face

“Moonlight, Heimdall was the first person to take care of you before the Avengers” Thor said chuckling. 

“Oh, then its lovely to see you again” You say, not really knowing what to say.

Heimdall smiles and whispers to Thor, “ Does your brother know about this?” 

Thor winces, “No...” 

Heimdall stares at him for a bit before rolling his eyes. “My dear” He says to you,”You’re uncle is a buffoon.” You giggle at his words. Not understanding the severity of your presence.

“Come Y/n, lets get you settled in.” Thor says and you say goodbye to Heimdall, walking across the rainbow bridge in awe.

As you walk through the streets of Asgard, you noticed people staring at you. They whispered to each other as you passed by. You thought it was because Thor was home, but you had a weird feeling. 

“Hey, uncle Thor?” you whisper

“Yes darling?”

“Why are they staring at me?”

“Oh...uh. ....cause you’re dressed in midgardian garments. when we get to the castle we’ll get you something to wear” Thor says nervously. You squint at his excuse. “Okayy” you say weirded out by his behavior.

Finally reaching the palace, you look around in awe. It looked like something out of a fantasy book. Thor lead you through the halls when a beautiful woman sped towards the two of you. 

“Thor!” she said wrapping him in a hug.”welcome home my son”

“Mother” Thor says hugging her back,”I have missed you”

“Oh this is Frigga” you think to yourself. You feel a slight pang of jealousy, seeing Thor be embraced by his mother. But you push that thought aside when they break apart and Thor beckons you over. 

“Mother...this is Y/n.” He says slowly. Frigga freezes at your name. 

“Y/n?” She whispers, looking at you with wide eyes. She steps closer you you and puts her hands on your face and stares into your eyes.

“Oh, I’d know those eyes anywhere.” She says. “ Oh darling”

She pulls you into a loving embrace, startling you. “I haven’t seen you since you were but a babe.” she holds you at arms length. “Oh you...you look just like..” She stops herself, shaking her head and wipes away tears. “Look at me, crying all over you” 

You smile,”It’s okay, its lovely to meet you.” 

Frigga laughs,” Yes, I am so happy you are here. Come, let me show you where you can rest.” As she leads you out of the room, she turns to Thor and says, “Thor, don’t forget to mention our guest to your brother.” And with that she wraps her arm around your shoulders and leads you to a guest room, asking about your life and interest. 

You answer, blissfully unware or the dread running through Thor's body at the thought of confronting his brother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki's POV

Thor slowly walked to the chambers, regretting every choice he  has made till now. He knew there were two way Loki would handle the news. He’d either go ballistic or completely disappear for however long Y/n was there. 

For his sake and hers, he'd prefer that latter option.

Finally reaching his room, Thor stood in front of the door. He was trying to figure out how to tell Loki his long lost daughter that he disowned was in the palace. Oh and she doesn’t know who her parents are. And that him and his team of superheroes have been raising her.....and that she has ice powers. 

Loki, sat in his room reading noticed shadows under his door. Rolling his eyes, he thought it was the maids again. They always hesitated to knock on his door. 

“What do you want?” Loki says in a monotone voice, opening the door only to his his brother standing their with a sheepish look on his face.”Thor.. you’re home.”

“Brother! How lovely to see you” Thor said loudly. “ I just came to ...uh..came to..”

Loki looked at him in irritation and confusion. “Came to what?” 

“Came to invite you to dinner!” Thor said grinning nervously

“What? no flowers?” Loki deadpanned 

“Oh hush brother” Thor said. “I have been away for so long, and I would be overjoyed if you came to my welcome home dinner.” 

“If I agree, will you leave me be?” Loki said. finally irritated with his brothers presence. 

“Yes!” Thor said. “ Wonderful...”

Loki looked at him weirdly again and nodded, but before he closed the door Thor started talking.

“Brother, tell me, how have you been?” He asked

“Wonderful, now do you mi-“ “Be honest.”

Loki glares at his brothers words and stays silent for a while. Then he sighs and steps aside, letting Thor in his room.

“I don’t know.” He finally says, looking down at the floor.

“You..don’t know?” Thor repeats, not understanding the response.

“Yes. At first I was devastated, I was angry. But now...now I feel empty. Like there’s something in my life that I’m missing.” Loki sighs again, looking out the window. “Every time I look, there she is. Sometimes she’s reading in the garden. Sometimes she’s helping the maids. And sometimes...” Loki stops himself, tears forming in his eyes.

“Sometimes..?” Thor prompts gently as he slowly walks to the bookshelf, leaning against it.

“Sometimes I see her staring at me. Disappointed.” Loki finally says, his back turned to Thor as he lets his tears fall freely.

“Loki..I am certain she understand.” Thor says, “ would she be upset? Probably.” Loki tenses at his, his brothers words sting at his heart. “But, she knew you. I think she’d prefer her child to be well loved.”

Loki nodded, still not facing Thor. And because of that, he didn’t notice Thor swipe a particular journal and replace it with another book.

“Well” Thor said suddenly,” I should be off, I promised mother I’d help show our guest around.”

“Our guest?” Loki said making a face at the thought of socializing.

“ Oh yes.” Thor said walking out of the room, “ a princess of some sort, I believe”

Loki rolls his eyes, he knew if royalty was visiting, he’d be forced to dress up and make stale conversation.

Meanwhile, Thor walked down the halls, with a beautiful leather journal, that belonged to a certain girls mother. And a plan in mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @mika-dannielle @brightsunanddarkmidnight2-0

[stargazersastronomy]

Tarot of the Divine 5 Card Spread

4 of swords (reversed) -- The Binding of Fenrir 

The Hanged Man (reversed) -- Sleeping Beauty

The Moon (reversed) -- The Tale of Princess Kaguya (aka The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter)

The Star -- Sister Alyonushka and Brother Ivanushka

Temperance -- Avalokiteshvara (Buddhist Bodhisattva)

This post will discuss elements of religion in a neutral non-sectarian, non-devotional way. I am not trying to convert anyone, but just do to the cards in this spread I need to mention aspects of Buddhism and the widespread nature of Christianity.

At first glance, one notices the themes of rest, recuperation, moving on, and balance. How I remember what the 4, 9, and 10 0f swords represent is by remember are Floor Jansen’s songs from her former band ReVamp. These cards are the songs ‘Anatomy of a Nervous Breakdown: ‘On the Sideline’, ‘Limbic System’, and ‘Neurasthenia.’ When reversed,  these Sword cards say “You should have listened to that inner voice long ago. You should’ve rested and reflected on these issues long ago.”

Fenrir (a wolf) was the son of Loki, and it was prophesized that Fenrir would devour Odin during Ragnarök. So the gods teamed up to have Fenrir chained and hidden away. Obviously, this would not last forever but for now they can relax.

Fenrir grew at an alarming rate, however, and soon the gods decided that his stay in Asgard had to be temporary. Knowing well how much devastation he would cause if he were allowed to roam free, the gods attempted to bind him with various chains. They were able to gain the wolf’s consent by telling him that these fetters were tests of his strength, and clapping and cheering when, with each new chain they presented him, he broke free.

The fettered beast was then transported to some suitably lonely and desolate place. The chain was tied to a boulder and a sword was placed in the wolf’s jaws to hold them open. As he howled wildly and ceaselessly, a foamy river called “Expectation�� (Old Norse Ván) flowed from his drooling mouth. And there, in that sordid state, he remained – until Ragnarok. (Source: Norse Mythology)

“The king handed her out of the chariot, and she approved everything he had done, but as she had very great foresight, she thought when the princess should awake she might not know what to do with herself, being all alone in this old palace; and this was what she did: she touched with her wand everything in the palace (except the king and queen) -- governesses, maids of honor, ladies of the bedchamber, gentlemen, officers, stewards, cooks, undercooks, scullions, guards, with their beefeaters, pages, footmen; she likewise touched all the horses which were in the stables, pads as well as others, the great dogs in the outward court and pretty little Mopsey too, the princess's little spaniel, which lay by her on the bed.Immediately upon her touching them they all fell asleep, that they might not awake before their mistress and that they might be ready to wait upon her when she wanted them. 

The very spits at the fire, as full as they could hold of partridges and pheasants, did fall asleep also. All this was done in a moment. Fairies are not long in doing their business.And now the king and the queen, having kissed their dear child without waking her, went out of the palace and put forth a proclamation that nobody should dare to come near it.

This, however, was not necessary, for in a quarter of an hour's time there grew up all round about the park such a vast number of trees, great and small, bushes and brambles, twining one within another, that neither man nor beast could pass through; so that nothing could be seen but the very top of the towers of the palace; and that, too, not unless it was a good way off. Nobody; doubted but the fairy gave herein a very extraordinary sample of her art, that the princess, while she continued sleeping, might have nothing to fear from any curious people.” (Sources: The Sleeping Beauty in the Woods)

The Hanged Man is all about seeing something from another perspective, it is also about sacrifice. Reversed it is about martyrdom, or about “waking up” and continuing the journey after you’ve rested.

“At this time her foster-parents noticed that night after night the Princess would sit on her balcony and gaze for hours at the moon, in a spirit of the deepest dejection, ending always in a burst of tears. One night the old man found her thus weeping as if her heart were broken, and he besought her to tell him the reason of her sorrow.

With many tears she told him that he had guessed rightly when he supposed her not to belong to this world—that she had in truth come from the moon, and that her time on earth would soon be over. On the fifteenth day of that very month of August her friends from the moon would come to fetch her, and she would have to return. [...]‘The time has come,’ he said, ‘for Princess Moonlight to return to the moon from whence she came. She committed a grave fault, and as a punishment was sent to live down here for a time. We know what good care you have taken of the Princess, and we have rewarded you for this and have sent you wealth and prosperity. We put the gold in the bamboos for you to find.’ ‘I have brought up this Princess for twenty years and never once has she done a wrong thing, therefore the lady you are seeking cannot be this one,’ said the old man. ‘I pray you to look elsewhere.’” (Sources: THE BAMBOO-CUTTER AND THE MOON-CHILD)

The moon is the grey area between illusions and reality, the shadowy realm, the cinema you go to for 2 hours of escapism. It is that moment when you wake up, and you aren’t sure who you are, what and where you are, and you stay in a bed a few minutes longer to sort yourself out. (No wonder the moon and 8 of cups/chalices are ruled by pisces.)

In the folktale, it’s unknown what sparks kaguya’s revelation and return, but it wasn’t the emperor hugging her without her consent. He is lovelorn but not a creep in the folktale. When the moon is reversed it means you have broken through the deceit/dream realm/etc. ultimately, it is illumination.

The star (Aquarius) means hope. It means to never give up because the light will come. In the Russian tale, Sister Alyonushka and Brother Ivanushka, the siblings flee from their witch step-mother. As each day passes Alyonushka needs to stop her brother from drinking from the river waters they pass or else he’ll turn into a wild beast. On the third day, weak from thirst, Ivanushka gives in and the water turns him into a deer. Upon hearing her anguished cries, a king marries Alyonushka but when her stepmother discovers she is alive, she seeks to kill her stepdaughter. At each hardship, there is relief/light to guide the girl through and her brother’s pleas eventually bring Alyonushka back to life, and he regains human form.

It is much cheerier than Heart of a Dog.

“The Buddha said to Bodhisattva Inexhaustible Intent: “Good man, if there are living beings in the land who need someone in the body of a Buddha in order to be saved, Bodhisattva Perceiver of the World’s Sounds immediately manifests himself in a Buddha body and preaches the Law for them. If they need someone in a pratyekabuddha’s body in order to be saved, immediately he manifests a pratyekabuddha’s body and preaches the Law to them. If the need a voice-hearer to be saved, immediately he becomes a voice-hearer and preaches the Law for them. If they need King Brahma to be saved, immediately he becomes King Brahma and preaches the Law for them. If they need the lord Shakra to be saved, immediately he becomes the lord Shakra and preaches the Law for them. If they need the heavenly being Freedom to be saved, immediately he becomes the heavenly being Freedom and preaches the Law for them. If they need a great general of heaven to be saved, immediately he becomes a great general of heaven and preaches the Law for them. If they need Vaishravana to be saved, immediately he becomes Vaishravana and preaches the Law for them. If they need a petty king to be saved, immediately he becomes a petty king and preaches the law for them.”

(Sources: Learn Religions, Buddha Weekly, and the Buddhist Door)

Boddhistavas are similar to Hindu avatars, but the difference is that these Buddhas-to-be’s have already attained enlightenment and forgo nirvana to help others attain peace.

This spread is about finding rest. 

[alydiarackham]

(cover by me)

How to Be a Hero Like a Villain by Alydia Rackham

Introduction

I’m Basically a Geek

                 Hi. Yeah, so, it’s true. I’m a geek. Have been forever. I really had no shot at being otherwise. My mom raised my brother and I on musicals and Star Wars and Star Trek and Disney. Growing up, I read loads of YA sci-fi novels—again, lots of Star Wars—and then when Marvel started making movies, I got into X-Men and then Iron Man, Thor (my major crush on Loki still remains alive), Captain America, then Batman; all that jazz. I’m also a Disney fanatic and a theatre nerd.

I was an English major in college, am in love with Tolkien and Austen and Dickens and Doyle, and adore all things Victorian. My friend Jaicee introduced me to Vampire Diaries and Originals (which are both compelling studies in heroics and villainy, let me tell you). I’ve written tons of fanfiction, in addition to loads of original novels. I write in all genres, mostly because I get hooked on a good story, good characters, no matter the setting—though I do have a weakness for an epic story arc, flawed heroes and of course, powerful villains. Right now, I’m on the 5th book in my fairy tale retellings series. So far, I’ve retold “Beauty and the Beast,” “The Snow Queen,” “The Little Mermaid,”—and then I did a totally-original one about a Curse-Maker, from the POV of…yep, the villain! At the moment, I’m working on a retelling of the legend of King Arthur, called “Excalibor.” It’s a blast.

               As you might imagine, I am intrigued most of all by character. I enjoy reading about the great ones, and inhabiting the interesting ones in my own writing. Flat romantic interests and motivation-less villains drive me nuts. I’m fascinated by a character’s inner workings, his history, his motivation, his mannerisms, his relationships, his skills, his style, the way he presents himself to the world. My brother and I love analyzing plot holes and devices and flaws and symbolism and insights. (Our after-movie discussions can get very animated, and last for hours.)

               Often, we find ourselves yelling things at the Hero on the screen like “For crying out loud, don’t do that! Don’t go in there! Stop wasting your time! Watch out—don’t you know what’s in there?” We easily see the choices that the Hero makes that are flawed, impulsive, or just plain stupid.

               But very rarely do we notice such things about the Villain. A good one, anyway.

               The Villain takes us by surprise. He startles us. He’s two steps ahead. He already has the device, he’s laid the trap, he’s captured the girlfriend, he’s destroyed the evidence. (Cancer Man in X-Files makes me absolutely want to scream because of this stuff.)

               Why is that? How did he know? How is he doing this?? It drives us crazy—and yet, we reluctantly have to admire the greats for being such awesome masterminds.

               So…how are the Villains so successful? Sure, we could shrug it off and say, “Well, he’s a super-genius, what do you expect?” But that’s too easy, and frankly, it’s doing a great disservice to our Evil Neighborhood Menace. In fact, with everything we see, and with the Hero making such rash and stupid decisions, oftentimes it’s a wonder that the Hero even lives, let alone triumphs in the end.

               And actually, in real life, that’s often true. The Hero does die or fail, and the Villain lives and prospers. Why?

               What is it that the Villain is doing that the Hero is not doing, which makes him successful? Again, the easy and lazy answer is “He kills people to get what he wants, he lies, he steals.” Okay, sure. What you’re describing is a garden-variety thug. Somebody who gets caught in Spiderman’s webs every weekend.

You are not describing a Super-Villain.

There’s something about a Super-Villain—a really great one—that keeps him in the game, that makes him a serious threat to the Hero, even after being beaten over and over again. What is it about Lex Luthor—who has no powers—that keeps him alive, and makes him a continuous, serious threat against Superman, the most powerful being on the planet?

How is it that a Villain keeps coming back, when similar failures and losses would crush a Hero and send him home forever, never again to don the super suit?

Could it be that a Villain’s methods, his mindset, his approach, are vastly different from a Hero’s?

And, if a Hero could learn to take these qualities and mesh them with his own already-existing awesomeness, could he perhaps avoid a devastating loss, a crushing defeat?

Is that…in fact…what does make the Hero succeed in the end??

That’s what this book is about. Examining what truly is awesome about a great Villain, and showing YOU how you can put those qualities to use in your own life to do a great deal of good, instead of great evil.

Be a great Hero. Take a few tips from the Villains.

-Alydia Rackham

         P.S. I’m going to refer to both the Hero and Villain in this book as “he.” I’m doing that because it’s waaay easier than saying “he or she” all the time. Not because I don’t believe that women can be awesome Heroes, or terribly wicked Villains.

Because I totally do.

 Chapter One

What Makes A Hero or a Villain?

                 So, what is it that makes a person a Hero, instead of a Villain? We’re talking the foundation, here. What are the qualities he or she possesses deep down inside that distinguish, that draw the line, that clearly state to the world: “Nope, this is a good guy, this is a bad guy”? This can be confusing. Especially when we look at two characters, say Loki and Bucky Barnes. Both of them have been all over the map with both good and evil deeds. Both have been called Villains, and both could be Heroes.

               What is it that makes us decide where someone stands?

               I would say that it all comes down to one thing: CHOICES.

               It can’t be anything else. You can’t say it’s kindness, or love, gentleness, trust, honesty, bravery, self-sacrifice, or self-respect. Many Heroes and Villains alike struggle with self-respect. Many Villains sacrifice themselves for a person, or a cause. Villains are almost always exceptionally brave. Villains probably are honest with at least one person, or have been in the past. They also have trusted someone, been gentle with someone or something. Most certainly, the best Villains have loved very, very deeply, and tried their best to be kind to that person or animal.

               However, something went wrong. Very wrong. And with every Villain, it can be traced back to Choice.

               Sometimes, it’s a single choice. Many times, it’s several choices in a row. And eventually, they all decide that “the ends justify the means.” They opt for self-preservation, for the removal of liberty for other people, for the arrogant assertion of their own will. Over and over again, until it poisons them.

               A Hero is someone who does not do this. Who chooses, even if it is wrenchingly difficult, to stand by what is right, no matter the consequences. No matter if he loses everything. He will not betray his honor. Even if no one else would see or know—he would know. And he will not do it.

               In the end, this is what makes the Hero stronger than a Villain. The climax, and the defeat of the Villain, comes when the Villain’s weaknesses are exposed, and the Hero takes all his own strengths, combines them with the strengths of the Villain, and declares victory.

               A Hero guards his or her good conscience fiercely. It’s pretty well summed up in this quote from Captain America:

               “Whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are: not a perfect soldier, but a good man.”  

 Chapter Two

Good Guys Can Be Stupid

                 We all know it’s true. When we’re in the movie theatre, we mutter under our breath, shake our heads.

When we’re at home, we scream at the TV.

               “Nooooo! What are you thinking? Don’t go that way, go the other way!”

               “You moron, don’t go off by yourself! Never leave the group! Especially in the dark!”

               “What, you jumped in there but you had no way of getting out?”

               “Don’t ignore her calls, she’s trying to save your life!”

               Yep, we’ve all been there. So what are some bad traits that Heroes tend to display that we ought to try to avoid ourselves?

  Stupid Impulsiveness

               Sure, impulsiveness can be good on a date, or at a restaurant trying some new dish.

It’s not good when you’re, I dunno, jumping off a ten story building. Following a noise into a dark forest. Or deciding to stop a bank robbery two days after you discovered your powers. Bad planning, or none at all. Not even thinking about what could happen in the next five minutes, let alone preparing for it.

For us regular folks, this can be translated into deciding to go for a drive in the snow with no 4-wheel drive, jumping off something that’s too high, going on a trip without enough money, walking down a dark alley in New York City…

               Yeah, you get the idea.

Not Keeping Family and Friends in the Loop

               We’ve seen it a lot: Heroes thinking they need to conquer alone—deal with all their problems, and protect their family members. However, all that ends up causing is major trouble. Sometimes life-threatening, sometimes not, but it’s never good. One that comes to mind is Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice. If she had told her sisters about what was going on with Darcy, and especially the drama with Mr. Wickham, she might have saved her sister Lydia from being entrapped by the Villain. Pretty much every single story about a superhero contains this type of lament: “If I had only just told them the truth!”  

               Heroes fall into the trap of thinking that they’re protecting their loved ones by keeping secrets. By not trusting their friends or their family with what’s going on in their lives. When in fact, this only puts their loved ones in danger, and puts serious stress and pressure on the Hero, which can lead to exhaustion, panic, stretched resources, missed opportunities, and giving the loved ones the feeling that they’re being neglected and forgotten.

  Discouragement

           So many times, the Hero just doesn’t have the tools to do what he needs to do. He’s isolated himself, he’s gone without sleep, he’s fighting an uphill battle every day. And then, one major thing goes the wrong way, and he’s broken. He collapses, he throws things, he cries, he’s in despair. He thinks there’s no possible way for him to do this, to keep going.

               He dwells on the failure. It almost swallows him. He loses all confidence, all belief in himself. He might even lose faith in the cause itself, in the people and things he’s been fighting so hard for. And if someone doesn’t come along and convince him otherwise, he’ll never put on that Hero cape again, or pick up that shield, or that sword.

Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/How-Hero-Like-Villain-Villainous-ebook/dp/B07NMVGCHP/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=how+to+be+a+hero+like+a+villain+alydia+rackham&qid=1572901986&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Four (23.52% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Loads of fun, though tonally dissonant; works best on first viewing. Easily the superior film of the Thor franchise, though that’s not a huge achievement considering its predecessors.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Sigh.

Female characters:

Hela.

Scrapper 142 (I know, she is credited as Valkyrie, but since the name is never used to address her in the film it doesn’t count by the rules of this blog; if she didn’t happen to be referred to by her scrapper number a few times, she wouldn’t count as a named character at all).

Topaz.

Natasha Romanoff.

Male characters:

Thor.

Surtur.

Skurge.

Loki.

Stephen Strange.

Odin.

Volstagg.

Hogun.

The Grandmaster.

Carlo.

Korg.

Bruce Banner.

Heimdall.

OTHER NOTES:

The use of Immigrant Song is my favourite thing about this movie, to be honest. I don’t mean that as an insult, it’s just such a good choice.

The inclusion of Doctor Strange in this film feels like a pointless misstep, a distraction at what is really a vital early point in establishing tone, especially considering this useless scene is what leads us in to...

...the literal death of Odin and introduction of Big Bad Hela, all of which should be emotional and intense and is instead flat and dissonant in the extreme. Watching this for the first time, I was very concerned that the whole film was just gonna end up gimmicky and soulless. While it does pick up, I was also not wrong about that early assessment.

Not that I was attached to Thor’s friends from the previous films, but they sure do just kill them off without fanfare, except for Sif who just doesn’t appear at all (logically, we should assume she dies off-screen, otherwise there’s no reason for her not to be up-front with Thor at the end of the movie). Fandral doesn’t even get a line in before he croaks, that’s how irrelevant these franchise-veteran characters are. Emotional engagement in plot and character is for chumps, anyway.

*whispers* Jeff Goldblum is here.

“Piss off, ghost!”

Hulk reveal is pretty solid, if you manage not to have been spoiled (a tall order, since it was in the promos).

Heimdall is still the MVP of the Thor franchise.

Can’t believe it took this long for any movie to squeeze some real fun and heart out of the Hulk character. This is way better than embarrassingly forcing a love match on him.

The valkyrie-battle memory is soooo good-looking.

This movie is too recent to be using the word ‘gypsy’...

Thor’s story about Loki pretending to be a snake when they were kids is the good shit.

But, Immigrant Song is still the most inspired choice of the film. Not sorry.

So, this is one of those movies which I felt was pretty over-hyped, to be honest. It is great fun, don’t get me wrong, it’s fresh and hilarious and subversive and way the Hell better than the previous Thor films, plus it has a great cast and strong visuals and they used Immigrant Song really effectively...but the tone of the film is an absolute fucking mess, the plotting is a shambles, and there’s nowhere near as much heart and weight underpinning it all as what there should be for a movie involving the near-total destruction of an entire civilisation. The majority of the movie is handed over to a shenanigan-heavy side-plot of no consequence to the central conflict, while the central conflict - LITERAL RAGNAROK - is relegated to a handful of scenes sprinkled across the film, obliterating any chance of it seeming meaningful or even particularly serious. The strongest point of the story is the final act, once Thor and company finally get to Asgard to confront Hela, but the narrative doesn’t earn that strong finish; it just goes to show how much more engaging the rest of the film could have been if they had stayed on track.

This is a big part of why this movie - while a delightful surprise on first viewing - doesn’t age particularly well on repeat; this was my fourth time through, and by the third quarter, as Sakaar draaaagged through its roster of jokes and pratfalls, my attention span was waning fast. Even if the entire garbage-planet sidebar was not distracting from what should have been a very serious main plot, I’m not sure it would remain engaging long-term, since it is rather spare and low on emotional/character investment; it’s not a pitfall of comedy that has to exist (heavily-emotional and/or dark comedies are definitely a real thing), but unfortunately, this is not a movie that is very interested in what has come before it, and it expresses that disinterest by neglecting any element of the established Thor mythology which might have brought this plot a sense of meaning. As such, rather than feeling like ‘the Thor movie that finally got it right’, it’s more like a reboot, with old characters unceremoniously ditched and any sense of purpose or import in old story threads or histories gone right alongside Asgard itself.

I’ve seen people praise this film for its ‘anti-Imperialism, anti-colonialism’ message, but I feel it’s a point weakly made onscreen; any depth to that argument would require a more sincere effort from the script in addressing those scant Asgard scenes, and as such, I feel that this element - though it isn’t completely wishful thinking - is much more in the eye of the beholder than it is a function of the narrative itself. The attempt to engage with any thoughtful discussion on Asgard’s legacy is a swift casualty of the film’s overall superficiality, just the same as the devastation of Asgard and the decimation of its population is blithely underplayed because, hey, Thor vs Hulk is worth way more attention than genocide, right? It’s that tonal dissonance in the two pieces of the plot which keeps me from really relaxing and enjoying the lightness, because that lightness is both excessive and out-of-place; I feel uncomfortable being asked to just shrug and go with it, I want to be emotionally involved and moved by the plight of the Asgardians, and instead I’m stuck watching Thor get a haircut and an eyeful of Hulk dick. Under almost any other circumstances, I would be all about a hard-comedy version of Thor, especially after the generic drudgery of the earlier installments in the franchise, but at the same time as Ragnarok? Not so much.

That said? This film is definitely not without quality. Comedic quality, for sure (anything with Taika Waititi’s name attached is worth a look), and there really are some great casting flourishes (though I maintain disappointment that the Asgard plot is so undersold, because it means Karl Urban and especially Cate Blanchett are under-utilised); for the interests of this blog, it’s that Scrapper 142 aka Valkyrie who forms the highlight (and she’s a worthy highlight without the context of this blog, too). Valkyrie’s drunk, angry sauntering and her snappy disregard for Thor’s righteous pontificating positions her within an archetype normally restricted to male characters only, too loose and unseemly for a female character, who might be found dislikeable and (horror of horrors) too sloppy to be sexy, whereas a man in the same archetype is funny, a ‘lovable asshole’, and the perception of his appearance is not tied up in his behaviour the same way nor is he under the same pressure to prioritise his appeal for the audience in the first place. Angry male drunkards who begrudgingly tag along with the protagonist in the end because they’re surly but not bad, those are a dime a dozen, but a woman in the same position? A rare gem indeed. And Valkyrie is more than just a fresh twist on an old cliche; her personality is grounded, it has a relatable simplicity (disillusionment with a side-order of survivor’s guilt), and there’s a confidence about the way she and the unspoken parts of her life are presented, without need to force a connection with Thor and his personal plight in order to justify Valkyrie’s actions or relevance to the plot. She’s an entirely self-contained character who could just as easily have the story to herself with no further mention of Thor et al., and that’s the hallmark of any well-constructed character: the ability to stand alone.

As a whole, this movie is far from bad - when I call it overrated, I am very much talking about the fact that it’s mostly a string of shenanigans with minimal narrative underpinning, and while that’s not a terrible thing in itself, I do think the hype around this movie implied that it had something more to offer than just laughs and a retro look. For me personally, the lack of emotional engagement and character stakes is close to a fatal flaw, and so while I enjoy this movie on a superficial level, it gives me nothing I need in order to really dig it (for others, obviously, this is not a problem). It always rubs me the wrong way to see something completely disavow previous chapters in the same story - there’s a big difference between developing an idea in a new direction, and simply ditching whatever you didn’t like about what came before - and I would have preferred to see this film make its changes with at least a modicum of respect for the foundations it is building upon (basic as the previous Thor films were, they weren’t catastrophic embarrassments). And yes, ultimately, the burying of the Ragnarok plot under a pile of Planet Garbage (feat. Jeff Goldblum) is just a little unforgivable in my mind, and it’s the first thing I think of whenever this film pops up; I really, really wish that Ragnarok were not part of this plot at all, that the Sakaar part of the story (i.e. the part that The Powers That Be were actually invested in, clearly) formed the bulk of the second film in the Thor franchise instead, since that movie basically sucked and took itself too seriously, and then the Thor film which took itself seriously could have been actually about Ragnarok. Basically, I wish that Marvel had gotten their shit together sooner rather than later with this part of the franchise, because while this worked out fine for them monetarily, narratively it’s just not a step I can get behind.

[the-marvel-imagines-blog]

Madness | Chpt. 9

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Alone Again”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 7,782

Warnings: ???

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: This was one of the more difficult chapters to make it through, since I wanted to follow the timeline of events in IM3 (one of my favorite movies in the MCU), but I also wanted to tie in Eva. I hope Tony lives up to your expectations. I try to pull pieces from the MCU version, comic book version, and my own personal ideas. Once again, you’re all so amazing for even reading this in the first place. I love all of you so, so, so much <3 -Ellie

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny @xletmetaste-yoursmilex @itsknife2meetu (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

When I landed, a chill overcame me as soon as the bridge disappeared from around me. I gazed around at the ground that surrounded the ring the Bifrost left and noticed that it was all snow. I pulled the hood of my white robe over my head and pulled the robes around my body, feeling warmer instantly. As I gazed up into the crystal clear night sky, I saw the stars twinkling and shimmering. Midgard had some of the most beautiful views of the sky, but it was nothing close to the view from the edge of Asgard. Still, whenever Loki and I were on Midgard, we would find a way to lay in the grass and gaze up at the stars for a while. Suddenly, I noticed him. At first, he looked more like a falling star than the armored man. Seeing his trajectory, I knew that he was bound to fly right into the forest next to me.

I ran over to the trees and rested my hand against them. As I closed my eyes, I connected with the essence of life within the planet itself. She was beautiful, strong, and loving without expecting any love in return. The Midgardians often treated her poorly, but she continued to provide for them as best she could. I focused on the pulsing energy beneath the tips of my fingers as the sound of the suit rocketing toward the Earth faded away. The sound wasn’t replaced by another, but instead, it was replaced by the beautiful silence of the world. In the silence, my soul became eternally bound to hers. It was an experience that I had on my own, as no other Asgardian I confided in had ever felt that way before. However, it made my bonds with the life energies of every world that much more powerful. When our souls bound together, she finally heard my heart, and I could feel the tree beneath my hand shift. I felt them all shift.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that the trees had separated just enough to accommodate Tony’s fall, and as he zoomed past me and through the forest, I thanked her for her act of generosity. I began running after him, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to catch him, not before he stopped himself. He bounced off the ground a few more times, which slowed him down. Nearly as soon as he made it out of the forest, I had caught up to him enough to grab hold of his suit in an attempt to stop him. The metal slipped from my fingers, and he skidded across the ground before coming to a complete stop, face first in the snow. I hid myself in the darkness that the forest provided once the trees moved back into place. The light from the stars and moon in the night sky left shadows in the woods that I faded into.

As I camouflaged myself in the darkness, I watched as one of the greatest heroes I knew groaned and turned himself over onto his back before reaching up and tearing off the metal faceplate, “what the hell was that?” he asked aloud to the artificial intelligence we all knew as Jarvis. I could hear the change in his breathing pattern. I had such a strong connection to him that I could feel every subtle change within him, sometimes before they even happened. I knew that he was paranoid about what just happened, “did you see that beam of light in the sky, Jay? Was it just me? Am I going crazy? Where are we” he asked, his voice trembling.

I didn’t hear Jarvis’ response, but if I closed my eyes, I could hear that voice. It was smoother than anyone could have anticipated from a disembodied, artificial voice. As Tony’s suit opened, I watched as he shot out of it, sitting up and staring into the woods he had just barrelled through. I knew he was trying to think of how he possibly made it out of there without crashing through trees and hitting branches. His eyes scanned the shadows, but I blended in so well that he wouldn’t be able to see me even if he was staring right at me. I watched as he began to shudder from the cold, “that’s brisk!” he exclaimed, his entire body trembling from the cold. I couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt for him. I was lucky enough to be impervious to the fluctuating seasons. The extreme heat and cold wouldn’t kill me, but it could make me uncomfortable, and I was pretty uncomfortable in that moment, “maybe I’ll just cozy back up for a-”

Tony was cut off by the disembodied voice that came from the open suit, “I...actually think I need to sleep now, sir,” Jarvis said, the suit beginning to power down.

“Jarvis. Jarvis?” Tony asked, panic in his voice. I knew he didn’t want to be left alone, not after what he just went through. I didn’t know what led up to him rocketing down toward the ground, but I could tell by the fear in his voice, the cuts on his face, and the shaking in his hands that things were far from being alright for him. He was terrified, and it wasn’t because of what just happened, it was because of something else, something I needed to help him with. As his eyes continued to scan the forest around him, I stepped out of the shadows and listened to his breath hitch in his throat. As I stepped out of the forest and closed the space between us, I lowered the hood of my robes, “Eva?” he asked, his body continuing to quake in anticipation, uncertainty, and the cold.

The sides of my mouth pulled up into a smile, and I did my best to push back the pain in my abdomen for the moment in order to be positive for his sake, “hi, Tony,” I murmured, my heart filling with joy as it finally sank in that he was alive. When Heimdall told me that he was in danger, I was worried that I wouldn’t make it to him in time or that he would already be dead.

His dark brown eyes remained wide, even as I knelt down beside him. He was in utter disbelief that I was even there in front of him, and there would be little to nothing I could do to ease his mind. The last time we saw each other, I had made it abundantly clear that I would only be back in the most dire circumstances that pertained to her safety. However, I knew that she wasn’t in danger with Steve; there was no way he would allow harm to come to her, especially not after all we had been through. Tony was the only one whose life was on the line. He shook his head, his eyelashes fluttering like the wings of a butterfly as he tried to blink away what he thought was an illusion, “am I dreaming?” he asked, the words causing me to let out a chuckle, “am I dead?” he asked, not understanding why he was seeing me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering why it was so hard for a genius like him to figure it out. I knew that part of it was how I left things when I went back to Asgard the last time, but I also knew that a part of it was because he couldn’t wrap his mind around why someone would care about him enough to go out of their way to help him. It was devastating to see him trying to figure out why people would care about him in the first place, and I was watching it happen in front of my eyes in that very moment, “no, why?” I asked, wrapping my cloak around his shoulders to keep him warm. The lack of warmth from my cloak left my patches of bare skin prey for the cold air around us. Tony was warm, though, and that was all that mattered.

As he tried to shrug out of the cloak, not wanting me to go without, I shook my head and watched as the robes stayed locked around his body. He looked genuinely confused, but he was still too busy trying to decipher my presence, “what the hell are you doing here?” he asked, finally giving up the fight to figure it out on his own. Suddenly, his eyes filled with dread, “is she okay?” he asked, knowing that there should’ve been no reason for my presence as long as she was safe.

I gave a simple nod, not wanting to talk about her, “I’m here to help. I saw that you were in trouble, so I’m here to help you sort through it and to make sure you don’t get yourself killed, which it seems like you’re trying to do,” I said, gazing at the cuts on his face. There was one across the bridge of his nose, one on his cheek, and one on his forehead. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to piece together what happened before I got there, what happened to lead to him rocketing toward the Earth, looking just as busted up as Hjalmar did when he trained with Ephinea. She could lay him out without missing a beat, “you’re bleeding!” I exclaimed, reaching out to cup his cheek only for him to wince away from me.

That single move tore my heart to pieces, as if there was still enough of it left whole for that to happen. I had always been able to see through the facade he put up, but this was something new. He was far more vulnerable than ever before in that one reaction, and it summed up the way he saw himself. It summed up just how little he believed he was worth. He didn’t think himself worthy enough for my help, and he was afraid that I would hurt him. It hurt to know that he could view me as a threat, but it hurt me even more that someone or something hurt him so badly that he was conditioned to expect that. Tony had been through a lot, far more than he ever could’ve imagined, far more than many others could handle. He was tender-hearted but hid away that side of himself to appear cold, to appear “strong.”

I blinked the tears away, not wanting to show him how much his action truly hurt me, “I can fix it,” I explained, causing him to finally show himself to me. His eyebrows furrowed, and I knew that he doubted my abilities, but he would see them in a moment. I reached up once more, focusing on the slow movement of my hand, making sure not to startle him again. The entire time, I felt his gaze on me, and once I finally rested my hand against his cheek, I met his intense stare, brown eyes boring into mine. They were so deep that the further I fell into his gaze, the warmer I became. As I focused my power, I felt his wounds transferring through my fingertips and onto me, and his eyes fluttered closed. Even though it was always an unpleasant experience, even though my whole body ached, the piece that made the transfer worth it was knowing that the pain I endured was a pain he no longer needed to carry. For a man like Tony, I would take on a pain that would take my life just so the world could keep him.

Once I removed my hand from his cheek, his eyes shot open. Every time I touched someone, I knew the effect. Our souls-for that moment-were connected. I didn’t understand why or how it happened, but it did. When I used my abilities on that person through the touch, the connection was heightened. When I stopped using my abilities and pulled away, it was like an electrical shock, leaving the other person slightly mystified. When Tony finally realized what I had done, seeing the cuts on my face that once belonged to him, his eyebrows furrowed, “how did-why did you do that?” he asked, tripping over his own words.

“I wanted to help,” I answered simply before standing up and holding my hand out for him to join me. He took it, and I pulled him up to his feet. He brushed himself off beneath the cloak that fell from his broad shoulders. For a moment, I saw Howard once more, and I realized how similar they looked but how much gentler Tony was than his father. I cleared my throat, not wanting to waste time reminiscing when I didn’t know the kind of danger Tony was in, “come. Let us find somewhere warmer,” I stated, and he nodded his head in agreement. Even though he was warm in the robes, I knew he only agreed because he was worried about me, and he would’ve attempted to give the robes back if he didn’t already know what my response would have been. We learned a lot about each other in New York, “we should make our way toward the closest town. I will carry the suit. Just follow me and try not to freeze to death.”

He shook his head as soon as I mentioned his suit, and I knew that it was the same reaction I would’ve received if I offered to carry a mother’s newborn child away from her. He was simply protective over his creations, and he had good reason to be. He worked tirelessly on them, and I saw what his obsession and perfectionist mentality had done to him. He wanted to protect the things he nearly killed himself trying to perfect, “I can carry the-” his voice trailed off as I lifted the suit into my arms, and rested it over my shoulder like Hjalmar did to me countless times before throwing me into the pond in the woods behind our cottage. I watched as Tony’s eyes widened, and he cleared his throat, “yeah, you can...carry the suit,” he murmured.

I chuckled, knowing that he seemingly forgot that I was not of this world, that our anatomy, while very  similar, was different. I was no goddess, but Asgardians were physically stronger than the people of Midgard and were more durable for the most part. Closing my eyes, I felt my life connecting with the essence of the world beneath my feet, and I listened to the gentle thrumming that surrounded me. I could where it was coming from, and when I opened my eyes, I began following it with Tony close behind me. He picked up his pace and gazed up at me, “how do you even know which way we’re going? Have you been in this area before?” he asked, unsure of how I knew where I was.

I shook my head, “no, but I can feel it,” I answered, not knowing exactly how to explain it, but I could still feel his confusion. Tony was very grounded in science and logic, but there were certain things about me, certain things about the world I knew, that weren’t grounded in anything I could explain with science or with a language he would know. I didn’t even know how to comprehend some of my abilities, and there were times when I lived in fear of them because they had a tendency to show up out of the blue. I wasn’t a goddess, but I had been granted strengths and abilities that were uncommon in the lives of the average Asgardian. I continued to speak, knowing that he would remain uncertain as long as his unasked question went unanswered, “it’s a lot like a vibration. I can feel the essence of life, and I can feel it when it’s close. I just know the way to go,” I explained to the best of my ability.

I glanced over at him, and our eyes connected. I saw every vulnerability he had in that moment, and he knew I could see it, but he didn’t try to hide from me. Our connection, while strange, was deep and unbreakable. No amount of time or space could break what we had, and that all began far before he could remember, far before I would ever disclose. He gave a simple nod of his head, content with the answer I gave, even though it was vague and confusing, “I trust you,” he remarked, an intensity in his eyes that could match a dying star.

“I won’t let you down,” I promised before gazing down at the snow that covered the ground in a blanket of white. We walked in silence for a while as we both tried to wrap our minds around what was happening in our own personal lives. I knew that Tony would be too respectful of my privacy to press the question of why I was on Midgard helping him. He knew what coming back to this world meant to me, the kind of pain and distress it would cause me, so he couldn’t understand why I would come back to help him with something that wasn’t a threat on a worldwide scale, not like Loki had been in New York. I didn’t know if he was willing to talk about the events that led up to him crashing into a field of snow so far from civilization, so we walked in silence until we saw the lights radiating from a small town.

“Maybe we should look for a phone, so you can try to contact Pepper to let her know you’re safe,” I noted, making a mental note to find someone who was willing to spare their phone for Tony to use, “she must be worried sick about you.”

He cleared his throat, and I felt a shift in his energy. Glancing over at him, I saw the frown etched deeply into his face, and I knew that he was upset by my words. Before I had the chance to apologize, he spoke, “she actually left after New York,” he confessed, “she said that it was too much to handle, especially since I wasn’t willing to put my suits to rest. How could I, though, especially after seeing what the world was up against?” he asked, running a hand through his hair before returning it to the warmth beneath the robes.

I frowned, “you’ve been a hero to the world for a long time, Tony. You made the choice to become a hero, and that choice didn’t come from a place of arrogance or need for a higher level of fame. You became a hero because you have the compassion this world so desperately needs. You took the weight of the world onto your shoulders and fought on behalf of those who couldn’t fight for themselves. If my words mean anything, you should know that you more than earned the luxury of hanging up the mantle of Iron Man and living as Tony Stark,” I explained, “I’m not telling you that you need to, and I’m not telling you that she was right for leaving. Just because she left doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you anymore.”

He shook his head, “she moved on. She’s with a new guy in a new city, and she’s happy. That’s all I ever wanted for her, and I think that deep down, I knew she wouldn’t find that with me,” he stated.

My eyes immediately filled with tears as I listened to him talk about himself like there was something wrong with him. I blinked the tears away, but the ache in my heart was still there, “I really wish you could see yourself the way I see you because you’d understand just how brilliant and incredible you truly are, Tony. It hurts to hear the way you talk about yourself, like you’re not worthy of love because...you’re wrong,” I stated, shaking my head.

Then, there was silence again. All I could hear was the snowflakes falling from the sky. Some of them even clung to Tony’s long eyelashes, which I couldn’t help but notice when I glanced over at him, wanting to know if I had crossed a line with him. Feeling my gaze, he met my eyes with his once more, a light smile tugging at his lips, “so, if you aren’t down here for her, why come here for me?” he asked, questioning my reasoning with furrowed eyebrows. I knew that his confusion stemmed from my previous statements that I wouldn’t come back to Midgard unless her life was in danger or that the safety of the entire planet was on the line.

“I told Heimdall to keep an eye on certain people at all times-her, the other Avengers, and you,” I noted, feeling the disbelief within him when I mentioned him. The man never saw himself as worthy of anything, especially love or concern, “I assigned him the task of watching over you all, and he would fill me in on any changes as they presented themselves. He promised to alert me if any of your lives were in danger, and when he disclosed to me that you were in danger, I came right away,” I explained.

“So, you didn’t live up to your word,” he stated, nonchalantly, the hint of an entertained smirk forming on his lips. He was amused that he was right, as he had argued with me furiously when I promised not to come back. He told me that it was selfish and abhorrent to leave so many people who cared about me so much, and he also told me that I wouldn’t be able to stay away for long, not with the “heart of gold” he claimed I had. I didn’t believe it, though. How could I believe I was “good” or “worthy” when the favor I asked of him was so selfish, when I was poisoning everyone around me, when I was repeating the same injustice that was done to me when I wasn’t even old enough to comprehend it.

I sighed, “I couldn’t live up to my word, not with this. You were right, though, Tony. It was ignorant of me to think that I could stay away, especially from you,” I noted, glancing up at him to see that he tried to hide the color that rose to his cheeks the moment I paid him a compliment.

He cleared his throat, obviously not comfortable calling attention to the effect my words had on him in that moment. It wasn’t my intention to cause him discomfort, but perhaps I just had a tendency to do so. I could vividly remember my words of praise having the same effect on Loki, Thor, Hjalmar, Ephinea, and every Midgardian I came in contact with, including the ever stoic Natasha Romanoff. Tony glanced up at me, his brown eyes sparkling as if the galaxy resided within them, “well, I’m glad you’re here. I don’t like having to admit I need help, but it wouldn’t hurt to have an Asgardian in my corner for this one,” he noted, a slight grin tugging at his lips.

“We’re going to fix this together. You won’t face this alone, Tony; you never face anything alone,” I reminded him, knowing that he had a tendency to believe himself to be isolated, but as long as I was alive, there would never come a day he would be alone. I would be his guardian, regardless of the amount of times he tried to talk me out of risking my life for his. I had come to understand that we-as living beings-wish to preserve things that we deem better than ourselves, and Tony Stark was far better than I was.

The silence fell between us once more, and I found myself enjoying the soft crunch of snow beneath our feet. However, the sensation of the falling snowflakes left my cheeks wet and bitter cold. There was nothing quite like the sensation of his warmth invading my own, though. He drew closer and closer to me until there was little space between us, and he pushed the robe back just enough to slip his hand out from under it and grasp mine. As soon as our skin touched, I felt the uncertainty and the fear within him. He was terrified of the future, and my presence-somehow-gave him the support he so desperately needed in that trying time. His sudden firm, yet gentle, grasp of my hand made me realize the impact I could have on the life of a man who meant so much to me, and I could only hope I didn’t ruin it again.

For the remainder of our journey, I continued to carry the suit with one arm while the fingers of my opposite hand intertwined perfectly with those of the brilliant man beside me, “what has it been like?” he asked, vaguely, causing my eyebrows to furrow. I could feel what he wanted to ask me, but I was too afraid to answer him, so I resorted to confusion, “it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, and I don’t have a watcher like you do. The last time you left, I was...worried, and I haven’t seen you since. I just want to know what has gone on in your life,” he explained, his heart of gold shining through once more, as if I could possibly forget how tender he always was with me.

My heart broke as I thought of all that had happened since we’d last seen each other. No matter how terrible I felt at our last encounter, I felt impossibly worse in the aftermath of it. It was as if I tore the remainder of my heart out when we last saw each other and left it on Midgard. While it was broken and abused, I was lost without it, and with the loss of my brother and the struggles I had recently with Loki, I realized just how turbulent my life had been since I’d seen him. The last time we spoke, I was doing my best to fix the damaged pieces of myself and of my relationship with Loki. Knowing he was still alive renewed my drive to rescue him from the dark recesses of his own mind, a darkness that hadn’t been there from the beginning. Since that time, I had no opportunities to better myself or help Loki or keep the people I loved most safe. I sighed, “well…” I breathed out, not knowing how to explain everything to him. He had asked many questions when we “first” met, so he knew about Hjalmar and my past. The only thing he didn’t know about was my history with Loki.

My heart began racing in anticipation for having to open up about the complete and utter failure my life had been from the moment I left him on the rooftop in tears; however, as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I was saved by a small and flickering light. The energy I felt was untamed, and I was caught off guard by the sudden pull to that place in particular. I pulled my hand away from his and pointed at the dim light, “look!” I exclaimed, urging Tony to take notice of our shelter for the night. I was more than grateful to have been saved from needing to talk about Hjalmar and Loki, knowing that I wouldn’t have been able to lie to Tony, not without him seeing right through me. I would’ve had no choice but to be honest with him about what I had gone through since our last encounter.

As we drew closer to the small shack, we saw it was adjacent to an equally small house that looked to be in need of some manual labor. After passing through one last clump of trees, we came to the clearing only to see the small town spread out only a short distance from the shack. I felt the vibrations becoming stronger and stronger within my body as we drew closer to our shelter for the night, and I glanced over at Tony’s face to see a look of pure relief. I knew that he had some doubts that we would manage to find our way to civilization, especially after his bad luck leading up to that point. Peeking in through the window of the house, he concluded that no one was home, but I couldn’t understand why my senses were so wrong. I could feel a powerful pull to this place, and if no one was there, it would be meaningless.

Once we broke into the shack-an easy feat when Tony had a crowbar-I stepped inside the air that was just a touch warmer than the outside and placed the suit down on the floor. As I stood back up, a pulse of fire radiated from the wound on my abdomen, causing my body to seize. Before Tony could notice, I forced myself to stand back up and push the pain as far away as possible. When I stood back up, I took in the sight of Tony sitting on a stool next to a workbench, barely lit by the light of a small lamp. He gazed around the dimly lit room, all while I gazed at him, and the vibrations became more and more powerful, almost like when I first met her.

“Freeze!” I heard the small but strong voice coming from the doorway Tony and I had just come through. Suddenly, the vibration stopped, and I felt the serenity wash over me. The boy was small and looked frail with golden hair that melted into strands of brown and green eyes, “don’t move,” he ordered, pointing the contraption in his hands at Tony.

I glanced over at my companion and noticed that he had his hands raised as a sign of surrender, and I wondered if my help was necessary against such a small opponent. Tony sighed, “You got me. Nice potato gun,” he complimented the young boy.

The small child looked up at me, and I couldn’t help but smile down at him, easing his nerves slightly. If I had been able to touch him, I could’ve calmed his nerves with a bit of focus, but I knew better than to reach out to a scared child. I wanted to help him, not traumatize him, and the situation we were in was traumatizing enough. He looked afraid as he gripped his “potato gun” that he would use for protection against us-the intruders; however, the moment I smiled at him, I watched as his fingers loosened on the barrel and trigger, and his lips curled up the slightest bit, “who are you?”

I knelt down to the floor, getting down onto his level and showing him that I wasn’t a threat. His breathing became slow and steady as he looked me over a few times, taking in the differences between myself and other people he had come into contact with, “my name is Eva, and you are?” I asked.

“Harley,” he answered politely, his green eyes flickering between mine, “why are you dressed like that?” he asked, lowering his makeshift weapon and gesturing at my armor.

I smiled at his innocent question, and I knew there was no way around it. I didn’t have to tell him I was an Asgardian, but I couldn’t lie to him either. I knew that the vibrations I had been feeling were because of the life force of the child in front of me, “where I’m from, this is what we wear to protect ourselves in battle, so when I leave home, I wear something similar to protect myself from other worthy opponents I may meet along the way,” I said, explaining it to him as thoroughly as possible without telling him outright where I was from.

His eyes continued to scan my body until they caught sight of the hilt of the sword over my shoulder, at which point I saw his eyes widen, “you’re the Mother Goddess!” he exclaimed, causing my eyebrows to furrow in confusion. I had never heard that name before, and I wondered if he had me confused with someone else. I glanced over at Tony who just gave me a simple nod of his head, letting me know that Harley was being completely honest, but I had no idea where that name came from. I wasn’t a goddess by any means of the word, so I didn’t know why I would be called that. Seeing my confusion, Harley spoke again, “you fought in New York, right?” he asked

I nodded my head, “I did,” I answered, my voice soft as I recalled some of the worst moments of my life thus far.

“And you’re one of the heroes from that day?” he asked, sweetness in his small voice.

I shook my head, “no, not a hero. I just-”

Tony’s voice from the workbench cut me off, causing both Harley and myself to switch our focus over to him, “yes, a hero,” he corrected me, his eyes connecting with Harley’s, “she nearly gave her life to protect Earth, and the name Earth gave her was fitting,” he said, his eyes flickering over to me, “you have a bit of a reputation here on Earth ever since New York. I was going to explain it to you tonight before we ran into anyone who recognized you, but I wasn’t anticipating any visitors,” he explained, shrugging his shoulders.

“Neither was I,” Harley interjected before glancing back over at me, “the people here gave you that name. We didn’t know who you were, so we just started calling you the Mother Goddess. Some people just call you Mother.”

“Where did it come from?” I asked, wondering why people chose that nickname over all others that may have crossed their minds.

Tony interjected again, and my eyes met his, “because you loved this world so much that you were willing to sacrifice yourself for every living being on it. You were the mother to the population of the world that day, loving every person so unconditionally and so instantaneously. The love the people had for you pulled the population of the Earth together. You saved so many people in New York, even after you had nearly died. You sifted through the rubble to rescue the survivors of buildings that had collapsed, and you stood against the danger to protect us all. You were a mother to the world, and the people here will never forget that,” he explained before the room around me began spinning.

I tried to focus my eyes on him but failed, the feeling being similar to the one I experienced when I was stabbed by Loki in New York. The wound on my abdomen began pulsing, and the pain made me want to scream, but still, I wouldn’t worry Tony with my problems, not when I was on Midgard to assist him with his own. As Harley spoke directly to Tony, my ears began ringing. It felt like that was it, like this was the end. As my chest began to tighten, I hurried out of the shack, mumbling something I couldn’t even hear to Tony. I hoped it was coherent enough to let him know that I just needed some air. If I was going to die, I wanted to do so alone to keep from hurting those who cared about me, and Tony was one of those people. He didn’t deserve to watch me die, not when he had been one of the few people who made me want to live.

Using all the strength I had, I stumbled out of the shack and out into the woods once more before falling to my knees. My body couldn’t hold itself upright as the pain flashed through my body over and over again, as if the wound itself was trying to light my very soul on fire. I fell to the forest floor, grunting in pain through gritted teeth. My eyes squeezed shut as I tried to will away the pain, desperately pulling as much air into my lungs as possible, wanting to taste the sweetness of life before the pain took me completely. The wound grew warmer and warmer, my skin feeling as if it was decaying around it. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain-nothing.

“Take them...please,” I heard a familiar voice in the distance, and just as quickly as the pain and panic arrived, it disappeared completely. When I opened my eyes, I gazed upon the scene in front of me. I was in the throne room on Asgard. For a moment, I wondered what was happening. Was I dead? Was I dreaming? I gazed out at the scene before me. Odin was seated on the throne, younger than he was when I knew him, but still beyond his prime. Frigga stood beside his throne, graceful as always. My father-Aaldir-stood on the other side of Odin as one of the Allfather’s most trusted advisors. Father looked much younger without a single grey hair upon his head. Before them stood a woman with her back turned to me. Black hair fell in wild waves across her back, and I sensed a familiarity in her even though I couldn’t see her face. It felt as if I knew her, like I could feel her very presence in my soul even in the vision. She sniffled, and my mind twisted as I remembered the dream I had, running through the the field.

“Why should I do anything you ask of me?” Odin barked out, using his one good eye to glare at the woman before him. I watched as Frigga winced at the harshness in his tone-something she often did when I confronted him about Loki.

The mystery woman’s body shook, and I sensed her fear, “I have nowhere else to take them. You are my last hope,” she cried, and I felt my heart twisting in pain for the poor woman. A soft cry confirmed what I had been thinking, what I hoped had not been true. A child. She was asking for him to take in her children, and I had a feeling I knew who it was, but I was too terrified to even say her name. She was the mistress of the night, the collector of life, the absence of light. I didn’t know why I was having these visions or if they were anything for me to think about further.

“Do you know what you’re asking of me?” Odin hissed, causing my body to seize. While I knew this was only in my mind, it was becoming harder and harder every moment not to lose myself. I stood up from the ground and walked toward the throne. My footsteps were so soft against the hard floor, they made no sound in the throne room.

“To help two defenseless children,” the woman answered, strength in her soft voice. Every word she spoke made a wave of serenity wash over me. I was not afraid, nor did I tremble like I usually did when Thor would tell me the tales about the mysterious entity, “do not think I’m asking this favor for myself; I am asking this for their sake. They will only know pain and suffering should they stay with me-they will only know fear.”

Odin stood from his throne but didn’t step down the stairs to be on level ground with her. I frowned as he spoke, “you come to Asgard, burden my throne room with your filth, and ask me to take the children of a demon like you. You ask me to humiliate my home and my people, to tarnish my name-”

She cut him off, her voice just as powerful as before. She was not a weak-willed woman, and I could tell that just from hearing her speak. Looking at it from the outside, it reminded me of how I spoke to Odin a few times in the past, especially when he refused to show Loki any mercy. While I felt her heart filling with sorrow and a diminishing hope, she didn’t falter as she fought on behalf of the children in her arms, “I ask you to protect children who belong here. A child is not responsible for the mistakes of their parent. They should not be held accountable for either of our decisions,” she explained as I continued to close the space between us, desperately wanting to see her face to confirm her identity.

Odin grumbled, his beard failing to conceal his frown of disdain. As he turned his back on the woman and sat back down on the golden throne, he let out a deep breath, “if you are so eager to pass them off into my care, you should know that I will treat them with little dignity. The offspring of Death and a serpent could never be trusted, let alone welcomed, in my home,” he hissed, his voice low and powerful. My eyes widened as he confirmed her identity. I heard the familiar sharpness in his tone, but he had no problem cutting her down-a mother only wishing to save her children, “leave them there on the floor, and I will have my guards take them to the dungeons where they will spend the rest of their lives.”

Just as Death began crying once more, burying her face into the cloth that swaddled her infant children, Frigga stepped forward, glaring at her husband, “you will do no such thing!” she admonished him, her voice piercing through the room as she stepped down to the floor Death stood upon, drawing nearer and nearer to to heartbroken intruder. Odin could do nothing but sit in a stunned silence as Frigga showed mercy to the same woman he had just been so cruel to, “bring them to me,” Frigga instructed her in a calm voice.

Death obeyed the commands of the queen, walking slowly over to her, and I waited with baited breath as she whispered words of love into the ear of the first child before placing him or her gently into the open arms of Frigga, the woman I would come to know as my mother. She was the closest I had to one growing up, and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. The first child was indistinguishable, beautiful but strong with piercing green eyes like the colors of spring all in one. Then, Death held up the second child, a girl with eyes more brilliant than emeralds, a green that matched the colors of spring. Her eyes were without imperfections. No other colors dared to taint the purity of that green. It was the same baby from the first vision I had of Death, but that time, I had the cold feeling I knew who it was.

My heart pounded in my chest as the entity of Death raised the child to her face, nuzzling her cheek against the smooth skin of the baby. I heard sniffles coming from Death, a woman I always believed was too cold to feel any emotion at all. She was the keeper of the dead, the bringer of the end-everything I was against. While I understood that death was a part of life, that all things would someday be reborn, she represented the absence of life itself. However, in that moment, seeing her cradling the small child so lovingly, I realized that I had been wrong, that every living being was capable of some form of emotion. Her cries broke my heart, as did it break the heart of the child in her arms, and I watched as the baby cried,

“Goodbye, Eva,” Death whispered, and my breaking heart stopped. My breath hitched in my throat as my greatest fear was just confirmed. It hadn’t been my own delusion that caused me to see the reflection of the child’s eyes in my own, the color mirroring that of mine. It wasn’t my mind playing cruel tricks on me when the heart of the child broke the same way mine did. Was it real, though? Was the vision just a part of the madness that arose due to the wound that left me feverish and disoriented? Was she...where I belonged? I couldn’t bring myself to think of such a thing. I valued life above all else, so it was impossible for Death to be...mine. She spoke again before my mind could fall further into the delirium, “I love you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever given. Loving you was my greatest weakness, and leaving you is my greatest failure,” she whispered, her voice low and soothing as she rubbed the back of the small child.

“Leaving her here to protect her is the best thing you can do as a mother. Go. I will see to it that your children are cared for,” Frigga promised as she took the infant into her arms, cradling both of them the same way Death had been. Aaldir stepped down from the side of the throne and took the little girl...me. He cradled her close and closed the space between himself and the cosmic entity each one of us would meet at some point. Reaching out to her, he caressed her cheek, and just as he always did with me, he wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb.

As I drew closer to her, standing directly behind her, I wished to wrap her in my arms. Even if this was all a hallucination with no meaning, her pain threatened to tear my very soul apart. As I felt the tears rising to my eyes, her soft voice began singing that familiar melody, the one I could remember all throughout my childhood but didn’t know where it came from, “I wish to stop time and stare at the stars, for just one more moment with you. Now stars shine brightest wherever you are, and they will shine on me no more,” she sang before turning around. Black eyes met mine, and black tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Her hand came up to caress my cheek, cold fingers wiping away the tears from my eyes. Just as I leaned into her touch, desperate for that connection, I found myself back in the woods.

Alone again.

[appleqb]

WHY I hated End Game part 1

I’m not even saying I’m going to get around to posting part 2 or anything after that. I have several essays worth of issues I had with this movie. My Tony!feels alone can probably cover several post. No, this is just the Headline. Because I feel like I’ve had this same rant like a dozen times because people I know keep coming up to me and asking me about End Game so I need to get a point across about this movie fast without getting in to the deep emotion betrayal.

So they say “Did you see End Game?” or some variation of “How did you like it?/Didn’t you love it?/Wasn’t it so good?”

To which I have to take a deep calming breath before evenly responding “I hated that move.”

Which earns me some kind of shocked response or, well at this point the word has gotten around so I’m getting “But why? What’s this I hear about you not liking the movie?”

So instead of crying or screaming about certain character treatments and my emotional reaction I gotta hit up the quick FACT that I can really do an impact full elevator pitch on. Here it goes...

“Avengers: End Game DID NOT resolve the problem that was set up in Avengers: Infinity War. The resolution to the Desolation DID NOT solve the problem but actually ended up causing A SECOND APOCALYPSE.”

“What?!” They say, “No, Everyone was brought back to life, The sun was shining the birds were singing. It was a happy ending.”

To which I quickly have to explain that no, you did not realize the scale of the devastation of the first snap and the absolute disaster the second snap cause in it’s wake.

It’s like this. Thanos snapped his fingers and destroyed half of all living things.. but he killed WAY MORE THAN THAT. The end credit scene of  Infinity War gives just the briefest view of what this actually meant just for New York but mind you this happened to Earth and EVERY OTHER PLANET IN THE UNIVERSE.

Nick Fury and Maria Hill are driving down the street, suddenly traffic grinds to a halt random traffic accidents happening, a helicopter crashes into a building. Fifty percent of the drivers and the passengers just turned to dust, presumably the helicopter pilot also just went poof. Now actually think about this, if 50 percent of the population suddenly disappear do you really think that’s all that would happen? I mean well Nick and Maria were already in gridlock traffic so all the accidents around them were fairly low impact... but what about the people on the Highways? Suddenly and without warning half the cars just became uncontrolled 3 thousand pound missiles traveling 60 miles an hour. I can assure you a LOT more than 50% of the people on the roads at the time of the snap died. What about the planes and helicopters that fell out of the sky did the remaining passengers live? what about the people in the buildings they crashed into?

Let’s take this out a day further. If half of your immediate family disappeared today are you going to work tomorrow? Uh, no. And no one else did either. Not that it Mattered, the roads are completely impassible, Neighborhood streets maybe accessible but the highways are filled with twisted wrecks and a lot of dead bodies but 50% of the emergency services just disappeared and the other 50% is traumatized and not working at any kind of efficiency if they are working at all.

So, how long do you think you can go without hitting up the grocery store? How long will your in house provisions last before you need to go out to find food and other necessities? How long do you think it would take before the riots broke out when people realized the stores aren’t opening the food shipments aren’t happening the police services, what’s left of them, are over stretched and can’t respond. The Riots are going to kill a lot more people. People are going to be dying of injuries that modern medicine can fix but the medical services just aren’t there. How much of a supply of your medication so you have before you’ll need a refill... Do you think you can get it in this mess?

Look I don’t have any solid figures on this but this is the bullshit the Desolation caused it was Way MORE than 50% of people. Society Collapsed this was a Dooms Day Event, this was an Apocalypse. But eventually we’ll get it together, I mean humans just suddenly became an endangered species but so did every other species so we just have to deal.

Eventually some kind of society reformed, I mean the streets are desolate and everyone is Traumatized but we gotta keep it moving. For one thing, there was a Baby Boom after the Event just of that “Hey I survived and you survived so lets do it.” There are a lot of 4 year olds running around, that’s for sure.

So here’s what Hulk!Bruce did with his snap. He suddenly more than doubled the current population. Society which is just barely functioning suddenly has more than twice as many people to support. Spoiler Alert: SOCIETY COLLAPSES A SECOND TIME. There are too many mouths to feed. These people came back to no houses no jobs any assets they had before they snap were reclaimed or just plain gone. You were declared dead, your family had to move on. Maybe your house is still there, maybe someone else is living in it. Literally the riots would start up again as soon a people realized the resources are about to be strained and starvation is about to be a real issue again.

Oh, let’s talk about the drama and homicides that are about to happen. “Oh John, you were dead. I’m remarried to Mike, this is our 4 year old Sara.”

“Sorry, Chinua you were declared dead so we so the board seized the company and restructured.”

‘Well, we were mourning you and your sister and I just got really close and...”

Side note: There’s a bit of the details I’m unsure about. Did Hulk!Bruce just bring everyone back that was lost to the snap? Because a lot more people than that died. My Husband argued that he brought back all the people that died as a result of the snap but which would cover these people but honestly how far out would that account? Would it bring back the people who died of infections or cancers that could have been saved if Medical Services hadn’t collapsed when society did? Would it bring back the people that committed suicide because they lost their loved ones? Obviously it didn’t bring back Vision, Heimdall, Loki, or Gamora so it’s not like he brought back the people that died in the quest to collect the stones and he specifically tried to bring back Natasha but couldn’t so I greatly suspect a lot more people died in the first Apocalypse and then even more that died in the second Apocalypse that was caused when ineffectively trying to reverse the first. I mean How messed up is it that there were people that died in the first snap, were brought back in the second snap, and then died from the chaos that return caused. Bummer.

Cool plan bro, but no, you Made It Worse.

But Peter Parker survived, so go off I guess.

This movie was such a shit show, I’m so mad about it (I fully aware I am going to die mad about it and it’s not even funny)

So anyway Screen Rant has a video that pretty much better explains this whole particular issue I had https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcpt5IlcVN4

[weirdnessandlove]

Unpacking Avengers: Infinity War

*SPOILERS*  OBVIOUSLY. (Mom stop reading)

Starting off by not playing the hero music during the Marvel Studios title card has you feeling off before the movie even starts playing.

Man, the Asgardians seriously have to deal with back to back genocides? They deserve better. They were so close to having hope and them BAM! Russo Brothers.

While we’re at it, poor Thor bby. He’s had a rough week.

Loki did not deserve this. I mean I never LOVED him but he did his best. SO much good acting from Hiddleston and Hemsworth

We all know he’s coming back tho what

“We have a hulk” made me so happy tho guys. 👌👌👌 such a neatly closed loop

HEIMDALL

Wait where’s Valkyrie?! VALKYRIE?!

The portaling is so much fun.

Peter, honey, I’m pretty sure space was not supposed to be your field trip destination.

My man Steve showin up had the whole theater yellin that was some GOOD SHIT™

The banter at the Avengers complex made me happy. I’m so glad Rhodey sees Ross’s BS. I was so happy my babies were all together and at least a little smiley for a couple minutes.

Bucky’s so resigned to his life just his reactions to everything.

Okoye is my favorite. And also M’Baku. And also T’Challa. And Also Shuri. Save them all

Thor and Starlord’s banter was annoying to me and uncomfortable. Anyone else? I just really didn’t have a lot of love for Peter this time around. More on that later.

Thor elected to learn Groot speak. That giant lovable nerd.

I'm doing my best to keep this chronological, stay with me

Peter Dinklage is precious and underused. Marvel doesn’t deserve him.

I was so happy about Red Skull and then so irritated they didn’t get Hugo Weaving for it. Bitch, it’s Hugo Weaving. Having him on screen even for ten seconds adds a whole new layer of awesome to any movie.

Everyone in the room realized it was Gamora before Gamora did. I was pretty sure she’d be tough enough to survive the fall

“I am Groot.” “I am Steve Rogers.” I love him. He’s a sweetheart.

The relationship between Bruce and Hulk is so interesting and also painful when you think of how scared they both must be.

THE PORTALING IS SO MUCH FUN

Peter fucking Quill, man. I have never been so mad. Yondu would be disappointed in you. HOW DID NOBODY BODYBLOCK HIM? Nebula why didn’t you just lie?! Everyone knows what his pressure points are. I JUST….. UGH

Gamora literally tried to die to stop Thanos getting one stone. And ManPain™ here got half the universe killed because he has no impulse control. FUCK.

Sweet bby Peter Parker saving everyone and Tom Holland probably having no idea what was going on at the time since the crew knew he couldn’t be trusted

I was wondering why Strange couldn’t just let Tony die and then reverse it with the time stone but I was reading on the internet that it’s ‘cause in Strange’s “Thanos gets defeated” future, Tony has to live. And that’s about all I understand about that.

Everyone is going to taco ‘bout it but: Peter’s death was devastating. His Spidey Sense made him feel death coming and he reacted like a frightened child. Tony had to watch him crumble and couldn’t do anything.

“Steve?” Bucky crumbling kicked my ass. Thor has had to watch Loki die too many times. Steve has lost Bucky too many times.

Sam died alone. Steve can’t lose both his friends.

Is Shuri okay?

T’Challa might just hurt the worst though. The Avengers feel responsible for the whole earth at least. The GotG are responsible for protecting the whole universe. But Okoye? It is her duty to save one man. By protecting the King she protects her country. Keeping T’Challa safe is worth more to her than each and every infinity stone. Than anything.

Seriously, the one thing I thought I could expect from this movie was the death of Steven Grant Rogers. I’m glad it hasn’t happened yet but that means it’ll just be that much worse next year.

The disintegrating title card at the end was painful and unnecessary, Marvel Studios/Disney execs, fuck you too.

Nick! Yay- Oh.

[lowkeyorloki]

HI!!! it’s phoebe anon coming back at you with another phoebe song rec that has been killing me lately: it’s called ‘Killer + The Sound’ on spotify. it’s a duet she did with another guy and it’s basically just like a piano mashup of Killer and i think one of the guys songs! it’s so so beautiful and i feel like u would like it. it’s almost EIGHT MINUTES DOE so quite a doozy. but like. so so pretty. i found it last year and. yeah. it’s a good one to spiral and be dramatic to 😄. anyway i hope you like it if you decide to listen!! you also might have heard it already it’s just easy to miss on her spotify and i wanted to shout it out lol

(and as always. asis vibes????? 🤔🤔🤔 that’s for you to decide 🤔🤔🤔🤔 i think i see asis vibes in any song i consume lately but hey that’s not a bad thing)

phoebe anon my bestie ! sorry it took me a bit to answer this, i'm having a bit of a chaotic week. listening to this song made it a bit better though 💖

their harmonies on "kiss my rotten head and pull the plug" were INSANE. i also really love it when women sing the lower notes, so i enjoyed "the sound" part of the mashup a lot as well. thank you SO much for recommending it - for some reason when i play phoebe bridgers on spotify it only plays her albums??? anything not on an album doesn't come up for me unless i search for it specifically. lame. but i love the song(s) and it's perfect for driving in the dark and walking to class in the windy days.

and YES i'm getting some asis vibes but phoebe anon you saying any song lately makes you think of asis makes me want to cry in the best way possible 🥲 i know i sound like a broken record but i really am floored at the idea that y'all are going about your days and something will just. remind you of asis. ahhhh it makes me so happy.

but! obviously we've gone over "killer" a bit before. for "the sound" i think my interpretation of how the lyrics relate to asis are pretty different from what the artist intended "the sound" to mean. that's okay though!

first, the mashup came out in 2018, which is when asis takes place!! what a great year for the loki fandom. anyway, the biggest thing for me is the line "choking like a dog, like a dog on the collar." it makes me think of the reader and loki's relationship being on a leash and confined to certain rooms and people. the lyrics right after that, "open up your mouth, your mouth if you want it" reminds me of loki, and how he's not very good at asking for what he wants or needs due to his past.

the lyrics "How many times, how many times will you shit on what you're given? // How many times, how many times 'til you shut up and listen?" are applicable to both the reader and loki. for loki, i think he struggles because before he met y/n, he felt as though his life was unfair. loki was rejected by both his fathers and suffered most types of abuse from the two. i think until he met you, he really felt alone because he didn't have a partner. he's not like thor, he doesn't have a jane or even a friend. and i think when loki adopted narvi and still had those feelings, he began to feel guilty. he has a son who is truly kind and amazing and loki loves him so much - so how can he still want more? in loki's mind, he must be a selfish man and maybe even a bad father if he does.

as for how the lyrics relate to y/n, that'll be revealed in later chapters 😏

ALSO PHOEBE ANON i thought of you while driving today. "i know the end" came up on the playlist i've been listening to nonstop (i aptly named it "devastation in the early months" because 2022 is starting out ROUGH for me) and the lines "After awhile you went quiet, and I got mean // I'm always pushing you away from me // But you come back with gravity" fit the reader and loki SO well right now in the fic 😭 it's especially going to go well with the update after next week's. ahhhhhh

hope you're doing well. i love getting ur messages :D

[momentofmemory]

THOUGHTS ON AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR

OKAY SO, we’re starting broad and non-spoiler-y BUT IT WILL GET SPOILER-Y. There will be a cut and a verbal warning at that point, but still.

META: I was so impressed by the level of skill that they had to have to balance 70+ characters and not make it feel awkward af. Like the way they cut up the characters into various blocks made for a lot of fun and surprising character interactions that felt shockingly unforced. Also, PRAISE BE that the Russos are in charge of this like?? They’re such good directors and so much better suited for this than Joss was.

MUSIC: Fantastically done with plenty of cues that weave together without being annoying. So glad they brought back Silvestri (he did Avengers 1 Cap 1 and now this one and is responsible for the original Avengers theme). I like the clear introductions of the Guardians & Wakanda via music; my theater was pumped before the visuals even caught up.

TYPOGRAPHY: Much classier than Civl War’s AND NOW WE’RE IN A NEW PLACE AND YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE THE LOCATION FILLS THE ENTIRE STUPID SCREEN. The choice of a super thin serif font was unusual and I’m still not sure how I feel about it, but the extra leading definitely helped them to feel less in your face this time. Points for that.

END CREDITS SCENE: It exists but you gotta wait all the way to the end. I say this because after TEN YEARS we still got people walking out, why do they never learn

OKAY NOW ON WITH THE MOVIE. WHICH MEANS SPOILER TIME.

…LIKE LOTS OF THEM.

YOU WERE WARNED.

Thor’s intro with the Guardians was amazingly hilarious. I thought in general this movie was great at balancing comedy and drama without either detracting from the other.

Loki's final words "You will never be a god" was an A++ smack down and his and Hiemdall’s deaths were a great and terrible way to start off :( :( :(

I adored the Rocket "Rabbit" + Thor scenes. Everything about the “time to be the captain” scene was amazing; Thor’s smiling through his tears and heartbreak was uggggh (I love how he hides behind comedy to deal with his pain in contrast to how Rocket hides behind arrogance; Thor basically has Rocket’s character development but from three movies onward).

I also love that they had that moment where Thor says he has nothing left to lose, and Rocket suddenly realizes he "has everything to lose.” And then at the end he's the only Guardian left OH MY THOR WHYYYYY *sob*

I love Peter & Peter interacting, can we have more of that pls?

Star Lord being like "Am I supposed to say Jesus??" when Strange asked who his master is I DIED

teen!Groot using his arm to make Thor's hammer was a fantastic tiny moment of using someone in a small but character-specific way and I love that??

Speaking of, Bucky picking up Rocket and pinwheeling with both guns was amazingly hilarious and also possibly the only example of when double-fisting guns with good aim is possible since he’s technically still only aiming one?

Okay now CAN WE TALK ABOUT Steve Sad-Eyes Rogers™ managing to stay alive for this movie praise be mah boy’s alive for one more?? I FEEL SO ALIVE.

But really Steve is Depressed™ for this entire film but still as badass as ever and did they really have to have him watch Bucky die in front of him? AGAIN?? *insert LEAVE HIM ALONE gif here*

Also he’s sad™ in this movie which means when he dies in the next film HE WILL NEVER HAVE BEEN HAPPY SINCE 1945 and that is just devastating someone save my boy *channels inner Mama Byers*

Okay but then let’s talk about Thanos (arguably one of the best villains in the Marvel universe, second to Killmonger [Loki is so far from a straight villain it’s not even funny so he doesn’t count. I mean he’s funny. But not—you know what I mean]). Anyway I ADORE what they did with his character. He’s perfectly sadistic and twisted yet you almost kind of get it? He’s a logical, lawful evil kinda guy with a great, subtly done backstory and he’s actually pretty “chill.” Minus the whole murdering the entire universe thing.

Using Gamora as the emotional pull for Thanos to humanize him/provide motivation was genius and perfectly captures that love/hate abusive relationship. And I love that he “loves” her because in his way he does (even though his way is totally 100% evil, cool motive still murder etc.). 

Like in the throne room scene that’s such a clear parallel to “rebellious daughter comes home to misunderstood father” scene and it’s PLAYED SO WELL. Abusers are evil and, you know, abusive. But the thing about them, what makes it so hard to get out of those relationships, is that they do “care.” It’s that tiny piece of care that makes getting away from the infinitely larger evil so hard.

Even the scene where Thanos meets Quill is interesting in that light because it’s actually a “meet the parents” moment and Thanos doesn’t kill him basically because Gamora loves him? And even says he likes him?????

Quill losing it because of Gamora dying incidentally was a totally tragic but understandable character moment. Does he destroy half the galaxy because of it? …Yeah. Does it still make sense? …Yeah.

Okay but going back to Thanos, the genius of the Gamora + Thanos arc is that the entire emotional core for our baddie comes from Guardians of the Galaxy, the B-list movie no one thought would really work and almost seemed like an after thought to Phase II. And that “throwaway” “long shot” film wound up being the lynch pin to the entire series and I love that.

Despite the Vision/Scarlet Witch romance being relatively undeveloped I thought it still worked pretty well and that last scene where she has to kill him and then IT FORKING DOESN’T MATTER was like??? Devastating??? And she looked practically relieved to be one of the ones that dies???

And finally

I WILL NEVER BE OVER PETER STILL A TEENAGER PARKER BEING TERRIFIED OF DYING. EVER. SOMEONE SAVE THAT CHILD. Dear lord when he’s all like “I’m sorry” at the end I am slain. Tony Stark better have his stock in good shape ‘cause he’s gonna need to hire some hellagood therapists for him the Avengers AND THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE.

Just.

Augh.

WANTED: 1 Time Stone, 1 use only. May 2019. Willing to pay in blood & tears, most of which have already been spilled. 

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

YEAH ALL RIGHT KIDS I’M IN MY JAMMIES LET’S TALK ABOUT INFINITY WAR

i want to start by informing you that re: T’Challa, I just have John Mulaney’s voice in the back of my head going “that is some racist-ass bullshit”

ALSO

What happened to Shuri?????? DID SHURI MAKE IT STOP SHOWING ME THE GODDAMN PURPLE GRAPE!!! DID???? SHURI???? MAKE IT????

and honestly the opening shot being of our One True Bae, Heimdall, dying?? they literally lost me in that moment. that exact moment i was just like nope. EDIT: also, I honestly thought that entire opening scene was a Loki Illusion for...the majority of it. Like, honestly and truly, I thought Loki was going to say something Petty and then the illusion would fade away and Thor and Heimdall would have been light years away.

The whole opening scene, carried by the stellar acting of Hiddleston and Hemsworth and Elba--god. My emotional brain hates it but my objective brain is very impressed because above all else in this movie, I think you were really primed to root for Thor’s journey. 

(i feel like i need to stop myself here because I’m not inclined to address Loki’s death, which was horrifying and emotionally draining, because there was so. much. death. happening in this movie, that it started to feel meaningless. Like they stuck a bunch of action figures in a bag and whoever got pulled out died. I wish I could honestly say I believed that the point the Russos were trying to drive home was “death comes for us all with no reason and also please understand the scale of genocide and what that means” but really it just feels like they went “who can we kill off that people will care about but NOT piss them off so badly they won’t come to the next one?”)

Literally fuck thanos dude I don't care how SAD you are after killing a bunch of people, fuck OFF, I got really tired of seeing Dramatic Tears trailing down his cheeks like. russos. i don’t give a shit. stop trying to make thanos seem...human or sympathetic, he’s a stupid fucking grape. we thought you’d say that, you stupid fucking grape. 

this was something that kept irritating me, honestly. I thought the shot of Thanos’ face while Gamora was falling was wholly unnecessary. It made the impact of her death about him, and not about the fact that Gamora was dying and that she had people who genuinely love her in a HEALTHY way who her death would impact (also? the scene where Quill is going to kill her? oh my fucking god. my god, that scene WRECKED me, the Guardians were simultaneously some of the funniest and most lighthearted parts of the film and also the most emotionally devastating.) 

Also, I literally said “what the fuck” out loud when I saw red skull. I was also not alone in the theatre. so. there’s that. (and, still: what the fuck?)

Peter Dinklage??? In vaguely medieval roles what's up with that, dude?? I don’t remember the name of Thor’s axe but when he said it I just had weird GoT flashbacks.

Stephen Strange unironically calling Tony stark a douchebag. Just like. I enjoyed their opening interactions. I enjoyed the fact that Wong and Strange live in the Sanctum together, and that Stephen is the one who has to put on Regular Clothes to go get dinner. Against my will, I like Stephen Strange. BUT STEPHEN STRANGE CALLING TONY A DOUCHEBAG OHOHO THE IRONY

sidebar: Where was Brunnhilde? And Korg??????

Every moment with the guardians in it was the Best Moment. Peter and Peter need to watch movies together. Peter Parker saving Mantis was lovely. Bug-kind to bug-kind

Peter Parker my child why. Why. (Again, this is where the great acting made an impact. Tom Holland is a Delight but also he can really get serious? he was the only character who really got to be afraid of what was happening as he died and that was so impactful)

"It'll kill you" "only if I die" "...yes that's how it works...." basically everything about Thor. His talk with Rocket. “what else do I have to lose?” that meant something. maybe that’s what was wrong with all the deaths? Thor is the only person that we get to see REACT, to move past the initial stage of shock to the reality of him being alone in the universe. Chris Hemsworth did a fantastic job. but also the fact that those two moments happened fairly close together. at times, this movie had a nice balance to it.

Strange saw all the outcomes so he knew how to win like??? he literally said “this is the endgame”. As the only one who could, at the time, see the future, this makes him the most powerful person in this situation. i am not worried at all for the next movie, which is maybe why i’m so grumpy about this one.

ALSO ALSO why...did we not...just Try to cut Thanos’ fucking arm off like this seems like a simple and workable solution. is there some reason this wouldn’t have worked...?

groot. and POOR FUCKING ROCKET CAN WE STOP TAKING HIS TREE??? THANKS

“I am Groot” “I am Steve Rogers” yes thanks I’ll take five

Rocket and Bucky which was everything we all thought it would be

just in general, Rocket. Character growth from a raccoon! Or a rabbit, depending on who you are asking

And we didn’t really get to see Nebula’s character growth, but I feel like everything we saw was believable. It was a believable trajectory and I love what we got to see of her and Gamora.

overall i think i honestly...feel kind of meh about it. there were genuinely funny parts, parts that were emotionally gripping, but I also feel like there was a LOT of loss happening, and it didn’t get time to breathe so it made an impact, specifically with Bucky and Sam. Rhodey looking for Sam could have been even more heartbreaking. Also, Chris Evan can Act. He can do Deep Emotional acting, not just actiony stunt stuff. I’m pretty disappointed we didn’t get like. Two minutes more of this shit sinking in, but maybe it wouldn’t have helped. I think what’s most upsetting is that these incredible characters technically died, but they were all wiped away so quickly, and the last shot of the movie was of fucking Thanos, that it kind of feels disrespectful. Is it masochistic of me? I don’t give a shit about Thanos living his Best Life in a hut somewhere. I want to see Okoye rushing around to try and find Shuri because someone has to tell her that her brother is gone, I want M’Baku there telling Shuri she will always be safe, and M’Baku stepping in to lead Wakanda. I want Clint, frantically calling Natasha to see if she’s still alive, Natasha freaking out are the kids safe???, I honestly WANT TO SEE STEVE CRY BECAUSE HE JUST LOST SAM AND BUCKY, THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE TO HIM IN THE WORLD, BECAUSE IT’S OKAY FOR MEN TO CRY, I want to see the IMPACT, all that time you WASTED showing me THANOS CRYING and you could have given that time to characters that actually matter? don’t come at me with that shit, Russos. 

oh, also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say: THADDEUS ROSS GET FUCKED

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Black Panther Thoughts/Rant

I’m just going to get this out of the way first: GO SEE BLACK PANTHER!!!

I highly suggested avoiding reviews and just go see it yourself as blindly as possible.  I had no idea what the actual plot was before I saw it and I am grateful.

Star Rating: 4/5

And now my thoughts and spoilers in no particular order...

Honestly one of the best stand alone movies the MCU has produced.

You don’t have to have seen Civil War or any of the other movies to know what is going on.  It’s a very entertaining and engaging contained story.

T’Challa is a dork and I love him.

He loves his baby sister, freezes in front of his crush, and gets roasted by EVERYONE

Stories about people growing into their roles as leaders is my jam and this movie delivers on that front.

This is a movie taking a very strong stance for globalization and the importance of opening our boarders to help one another as opposed to closing ourselves of to “protect our own”.

BUT we see the other side and understand why Wakanda is so reluctant to join the rest of the world.

It also doesn’t shy away from the oppression suffered by black people all around the world, while at the same time condemning violent action against that system.

This is a pretty dense movie in terms of theming and I’ll probably need more time to properly sort it all out.

On that note there are some problems with the pacing at times.

This movie is doing a LOT of stuff and the fact there is a six hour cut of this movie out there in the universe does not surprise me in the slightest.

The beginning is a little rushed and it takes just a little too long to get to Killmonger.

Once Killmonger steps onto the scene and stays there, the movie really comes into it’s own.

Also, I’m going to be honest, Martin Freeman does not need to be in this movie.

I get it, outsider’s POV, but we were doing just fine without him for a good third of the movie.  He doesn’t really add anything and is just there to get and give exposition dumps.  I feel like there was a way to do it without him there.

The romantic subplots needed more development too

Nakia and T’Challa were fine.  They’re both great characters but their romance didn’t really bring anything we haven’t seen.

Okoye and W’Kabi though were forced.  They didn’t have any scenes between them showing them being a couple.  We just hear Okoye call W’Kabi my love and that’s it.  I needed a scene with them fighting side by side or some witty banter between the two of them.  As it stands they could have been colleges or hell siblings and I would had felt the connection more.

BUT let’s get back to the good stuff which is literally EVERYTHING ELSE

Shuri is amazing and I love her and I will protect her even though she could invent thirty different things that could kick my ass.

She also destroys her brother at any given opportunity and it’s amazing.

I need her to meet Tony so badly so he can just stand there and be like “yeah she’s my daughter now, I’m adopting her“

Okoye is a stone cold bad ass and seeing her tear off the wig mid-fight gave me LIFE

I’d watch her origin story, starting with her training and moving her way through to ranks to general.  I kind of need it you guys.

Can we also get a Nakia movie while we’re at it?

I want to know what Wakandan spies do.

I want to see that trouble she got into with the ivory traders.

Lupita Nyong’o is incredibly talented and we know for a solid fact she could carry a movie all on her own. 

Also shout out to my man M’Baku.

I was not expecting to walk way loving this man since everyone was talking about Michael B. Jordan, but DAMN SON!

He brings some much needed levity to the proceedings and I really appreciate it.

He’s also an interesting character in his own right with his own motivations for joining or not joining the fight.  I can’t wait to see him in Infinity Wars.

And, because we absolutely have to, Michael B. Jordan as Killmonger.

Guys, words cannot express how great this character is.

He is definitely one of the best villains the MCU has come up with and is certainly a contender to throw Loki off his seat, (that is if you decide to ignore the Netflix series).

The scene between him and his father in the ancestral realm is devastating and Jordan kills it. The way they keep switching it back and forth with him as a child and him as a man is beautiful and I could honestly watch that scene for hours.

He makes good points that make you questions Wakanda’s position considering the history of the world.

You understand his anger and frustration at the system when he knows there’s a place that could fix all that. 

BUT he crosses the line and there has to be a compromise between his way and complete isolation.

His last words are also pitch perfect and I am really upset we’ll never get to see him again.

Overall this movie is extremely ambitious and for the most part it suceeded.  There are some hiccups here and there, but nothing to derail the story.  I was left completely satisfied and itching to see more of Wakanda and these characters. 

Wakanda Forever

[veliseraptor]

Top 5 Loki angst/feels moments from both the MCU and the comics?

ffffff. okay I guess I’ll break this down into two separate categories because I’m pretty sure I can come up with five from each, easy. 

COMICS

1. from Journey Into Mystery: Loki’s I TRIED moment in Everything Burns.

The shit has hit the fan for Loki on a number of fronts at this point - basically somehow everything he’s tried to do has gone somehow awry, despite the best of intentions. 

Fortunately, the panel after this one sees one of the great Thor and Loki hugs of this run. Unfortunately, things only get worse from here.

2. from Journey Into Mystery: the entirety of #645 but especially kid!Loki’s last three conversations. These are, in order: 

A question to the Disir looking for a last ditch solution to the need to dissolve himself to save the world, because Loki would take having his soul devoured rather than having himself supplanted by his old, eviler self.

Sending Leah, his best friend, away, presumably to protect her from said old, eviler self.

Asking Thor to kill him if he ever goes bad.

Right at the end, facing the annihilation of his entire self, Loki spends his last three conversations on trying to protect others. Because however unorthodox, whatever his methods, in the end kid!Loki was what he tried to be: a hero.

3. from The Mighty Thor: 

I metaed about this here, but the basic context of this moment is that Loki steals something called the World Seed from Asgard and hides it to keep Galactus away from Asgard, and when it comes out that Loki was the one behind the theft Thor attacks him, accusing him of betraying Asgard and threatening to break Loki’s neck. Thor does later apologize, but the moment itself is still heartbreaking, and exemplifies everything about the tragedy that is kid!Loki’s life on Asgard. Even when he tries to do good, it comes back on him - here, from his one and only protector, and the person he most wants to please. And, in this case, save. 

4. from Agent of Asgard: Loki finding out he’s been played by the All-Mothers and they intend him to end up as his evil self after all. 

It’s just such a painful moment of betrayal, and underlines one of the major themes of this series about the expectations of others, the weight of story, and the pressure to stay the same - especially as it exerts itself on Loki. 

5. from Agent of Asgard: ”It’s all right.”

This isn’t angst, but it is feelsy. 

I’ve talked about it before, I’ll probably talk about it again, but just…guh. The theme, about forgiveness of the self, is one that’s really personally powerful to me, and the execution of it is beautiful. The way it culminates the whole story about being able to choose what you are, and the way it brings Loki around from his earlier rejection of his older self to the ability to understand, to empathize, and to accept, even while saying definitively: “this isn’t what I am.” 

But it’s a part of him, and Loki recognizes that and takes it in, but turns his back on the potentially crippling weight of guilt, instead choosing to move forward. 

I will probably never read another series that speaks to me quite as much, or in the same way, as Agent of Asgard did.

MCU

1. The scene in the vault. I mean, this one is obvious. Everything about it from start to finish is painful - seeing Loki absolutely break and fall apart, the failure of communication between him and Odin, his panic and fear and horror. It’s Loki’s breaking point and part of the strength of Thor is that you see it happen, and it happens so fast.  

2. The scene after Frigga’s death. I loved this scene - Thor coming down to get help from Loki, the initial attempt to fend him off with an illusion of certainty and confidence and sharp edges - and then how quickly it melts away to reveal the devastation underneath. Not only does it hurt because of how much it says about Loki’s grief, but also because of the way it’s a microcosm of the way Loki operates as a whole: the shell of confidence and mockery, and the wreck within. 

I also love that Loki isn’t very visibly emotional other than the leftover wreckage in his cell - he’s burned out, just tired. There’s nothing left.

3. The opening scene in The Dark World. I come back to this scene all the time because it’s so dense in what it says about Loki and especially his relationship to Odin. The way his carelessness and insouciance melts away the second it becomes clear that Odin doesn’t intend to kill him indicates a lot, to me, about the reasons behind Loki’s behavior in the first half of the scene: he’s expecting it to be a chance to spit in Odin’s face one more time. But instead Odin does the one thing that really, really hurts: buries Loki, dismisses him to be forgotten. And you can see it dawn on Loki that this is it - he’s going to spend the rest of his life alone. 

And god, “your birthright was to die” still makes me want to scream.

4. Loki’s death in The Dark World. I don’t care what Marvel says, this scene was Real and you can’t tell me otherwise. Loki believed he’d die, and whatever happened afterward was a surprise to him. Everything about this, from the moment you can see Loki turn toward Thor being beaten by Kurse to “I didn’t do it for him” makes me want to sob. And I did. Do. 

e v e r y t h i n g. Loki using his moment of closeness even as he’s mortally wounded to kill Kurse. “See you in hell, monster.” The babbled apologies, the fact that it’s the first time Loki’s been held, or even touched in gentleness, since he embraced Frigga at the end of Thor. Thor crying because he just lost his mother and now he’s losing his brother too. And what I’ve talked about before, too, about Loki recognizing that this is the best possible ending for him: he’s never going to be a hero, but at least he can die like one. 

Regardless of what comes after, it’s a damn painful scene. I love it.

5. Loki and Thor on top of Stark Tower in The Avengers. The entire thing is so painful, but my favorite part is when Thor finally gets the chance to address Loki, telling him to stop, trying to get him to see sense, and Loki’s “It’s too late. It’s too late to stop it.” 

It says so much about Loki’s fatalism, his belief that he can’t turn back, that his bridges are burned and that the outcome of everything going forward is inevitable. It’s not just that there’s no resisting Thanos, but that there’s no resisting the inevitable course of his own existence and what he’s meant to be. 

And yet he comes so close, for a moment, to turning around. Teetering on the edge. 

Only to turn his back on that in the (literally) sharpest way he can - by stabbing Thor and throwing himself off the building. (Onto a flying alien motorcycle, but still.)

[windwardrose]

My official post on Avengers: Infinity War

I was jittery heading to the theater on Saturday because I was so excited/nervous/curious/waiting. Because I was going to see a big finals-week release Marvel film without the people I had always gone to see them with before. Because - unrelatedly - I had had the second section of a big conversation that morning and was still running a little high-frequency because of it. And because I didn’t know what would happen, by the end of the evening, to these characters whom I’d known since my first year of college.

I think I knew from the first scene on that it wasn’t going to be like the other films. Maybe in a way I knew from the first moments, when we opened to a dark screen and a dark and desperate voiceover. Well. It wasn’t like the other films.

What was it exactly that Thanos says in the trailer?

In time, you will know what it’s like to lose.

[One of these days I’m going to write an essay: “My coming-of-age as summarized by the MCU.” That quote, initially encountered in the middle of what may have been the nastiest semester of my life so far, will definitely be featured.]

We never actually got that line in the film, unless I forgot it. Which is possible, considering everything else. But it’s perfect, because that’s what happens. The entire movie, the Avengers and the Guardians and their friends are trying every option they can think of to beat Thanos. They always think there’s a way out. They hand over the stones when their loved ones are on the line, because of course it won’t take that kind of sacrifice, they’ll think of something, they’ve always managed to win the fight before! Surely they can pull it off this time, too. Surely.

Loki alone tries three or four different plans in the first few minutes of the movie. One of them even involves handing over the Tesseract. And Loki says over his shoulder to Thor: I believe the sun will shine on us again, brother.

There’s a thought, Loki.

[Hold onto that thought.]

He’s dead a minute later.

*

I got a little mad at some of the characters while watching. Long-time follows may know that one of my favorite sequences in Fullmetal Alchemist (that’s Brotherhood if we’re talking anime) involves - well, a choice not entirely unlike the one that Loki and Wanda and Strange and Gamora and Peter all have to make.

Sometimes: sometimes you don’t need to heroically prove that you love someone. Sometimes the proof is looking them in the eye and doing the right thing, even if it doesn’t keep them safe. Sometimes you save the world first and hold your sorrows close if there isn’t time to circle back and save someone else.

This is not really the moral of Infinity War. T

There are, however, three characters who believe it:

- Doctor Strange, if you subscribe to the theory where he saw the future and knew that winning in the end only came if they lost that day.

- Wanda, during the final battle. It doesn’t help in the long run. [Pesky Time Stone.] It does no good at all.

- Thanos, our villain. But he takes it too far. If the other characters spend too long hunting for an alternative that doesn’t involve handing over someone else as a sacrifice, he doesn’t spend long enough. He wants to save the universe? One must kill half of it to save it. Obviously.

[This is a fellow who is not inventive enough.]

He believes it wholeheartedly: all things must bow before the greater goal. It’s just that he’s chosen a pretty cruddy goal.

But he’s still willing to throw Gamora off a cliff for it, under the silver-bright curl of Vormir’s moon and the watchful eyes of Red Skull.

[Red Skull, who is regretful and alone in a way that his greatest opponent will never be even on the worst days. Steve Rogers has the ultimate revenge in this case, more than he knows.]

*

Things I loved about this movie:

- The whole ragtag, well-intentioned, snarky, broken lot of MCU folk getting to be themselves in every line and action. I have never liked Tony Stark better than I did in this film. Thor finally clicked into focus for me as a character. Peter Parker is a delight - a heartbreaking delight, retrospectively. The Guardians are exactly as they should be. And Cap and Bucky get to meet again - I was up on the edge of my seat as they came to Wakanda, waiting for that reunion.

- The fights - which had me nervous in a way I don’t usually feel during Marvel fight sequences. I think the scale of the combatants made a big difference; they kept emphasizing how huge Thanos was, how powerful, and here are our bright story-folk up against him time and time again. Also, the aliens that attacked Wakanda somehow tripped some switches in my mind to actual oh no mode. Maybe there was just enough dog in their design to do it. Heh.

- Gamora. Her whole awful, awesome backstory, quite succinctly and beautifully summed up. Her first appearance in the movie, sitting front seat in the Guardians’ spaceship, singing to the music and very quietly swaying to the rhythm. Maybe she is “one of the ones that dances,” now. Her courage and her vulnerability and her tough choices.

- Wanda, who pries happiness out of the cracks and crevices of her tragic life, who loves and hopes and wants against the odds, who wields red unburning flame and holds off Thanos and is brave and crying at the same time.

Things I was not as sure about:

- I still don’t know what I think about the Snap. Am I ever supposed to? It’s odd because we know it has to be undone somehow - but we don’t know how, yet. And I don’t know how to feel about such devastation and impermanence at once. Would it have been worse if they’d all quietly collapsed instead of dissolving? Better? Who knows?

- I would not have minded Cap and Black Widow and some of the others having gotten a few more of the little “character moments” that so many of the characters did. There were definitely some “protagonists” for this film more than others. Which is partly a matter of practicality, and I’m definitely biased. But I think everyone does all right with what they have, when they have them.

- I wanted a little more hope at the end.

I am not sure who would have given it - I don’t think anyone felt very hopeful, and I don’t really blame them - but I wished the story could have channeled once more for a moment that flash of defiant optimism we got to see in the first five minutes.

I believe the sun will shine on us again...

[Never mind how much this looks like the end. Hold onto that thought. ]

So think about Infinity War like that, maybe, even though the characters didn’t get the chance to put it into words again. The dark before the dawn. Think how grand it will feel when we tie it together with the end of the story next May.

From now till then, it’s just waiting for the sunrise.

[Aren’t we all doing that, after all - both sides of the screen?]

[xkatnisstylinson]

Avengers: Infinity War Review [SPOILERS]

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Let me just start by saying I've watched it twice so far and I think this movie is awesome. There's a perfect balance between the comedy line and the emotional heaviness of the events happening in it and the different storylines are very well alternated until the climax of the movie. The fights are never dull or boring (and I’m usually one who gets bored quite easily with fights), the characters get depicted very well despite the limited screen time and it's brilliant because it changes the rules of the genre by making the villain win and the question you're left with by the end of the movie ("why did Doctor Strange said giving up the time stone was the only way if they lost?") is the perfect bridge between Avengers 3 and Avengers 4 because the eagerness to find that out is what will drive us to the movies for the final chapter next year. Thanos won the battle, not the war, but considering how this movie ends HOW can the Avengers win the war? The situation we're left with makes us all extremely curious to find out and invested in speculating and making up theories to explain it all as we wait for the answer. And don't even get me started on the VFX, because I'm a fan, I mean, I cry watching VFX breakdowns.

BUT: I've been watching and reading reviews praising the whole movie, even the ending... I might have agreed if they hadn't chosen to blow away (I can't say kill and you'll soon find out why) characters who have their stand-alone sequels already confirmed (if not in pre production). The problem here is that if you're a Marvel fan you know the can't be actually gone because you know the plans of the Franchise. And to really feel those characters' death (like I felt Loki's and Gamora's) I I shouldn't have known that Spiderman, Black Panther and Guardians of the Galaxy all have a sequel confirmed. When Bucky started to disappear I got tears in my eyes, I was genuinely about to cry but about 0.2 seconds later Black Panther ended up the same way and in that moment I realized that they definitely weren't really dead, they just couldn't be. There is definitely going to be a way that will bring them back and that killed my emotion. I might be a bit of a masochist, but I would have preferred if they had killed fewer characters but among those who could have actually stayed dead to our current knowledge of what the next movies will be. It would have still been pretty clear the process would have to be reversed because at the end of the day of course Thanos can't win, but I least I wouldn't have been so sure about all of those characters coming back. It would have been so much worse emotionally, but isn't that the point of a movie like this one? I understand it's not the same for everybody, and as a matter of fact I've crossed path with people who said it was still devastating to them but as emotional as the scene was, that knowledge killed the mood for me. For example the second time i went to see it the girl who was sitting next to me started crying. She was sobbing. As much as I understand it's still very emotional, and I felt the emotion as well especially thinking about the characters who stayed alive and watched their loved ones disappear, but for me it's just not the same. Sometimes knowledge really is a curse. Characters will die for good in Avengers 4 as well, and of course many may be among those that disappeared in Infinity War and briefly came back for the fourth chapter, so i'm not saying the endgame will be merciful with everyone, just that I don't fully understand this choice.

Regardless, no movie has ever made me feel like this one before when the lights came back on... in one word: confused. As in "WTF just happened?" but also as in "WTF am I feeling?" because I was a real emotional mess: I was suffering for the characters we lost (Loki, Gamora and probably Vision as well) and for those who stayed alive at the end thinking they had just lost the war as well as so many people they love plus half the population of the Universe, but at the same time I had this feeling of apathy for the context in which this all went down (they are definitely coming back), I was in shock because Thanos had won this one and also I was feeling a bit trolled, in the sense that I honestly hadn't realized 2 and a half hours ad already gone by so I was convinced they were gonna let the actors names roll and then the movie was gonna continue for a bit playing with the post credits scene(s) tradition. Finally, I had my brain working at full speed to process all the information as fast as possible to come up with theories about what is going to happen next.