#but also holy shit the health stuff has been so so so annoying. i hope it will be over soon oh my god

[sevenyeargap]

.

[incorrectelswordquotes]

Do you remember when the job progression quests had dialogue cutscenes and difficult quests? Each town had its own gear and you'd have to drop blue-background items to upgrade it. And it was character-specific too. Ice statues had to be crafted, and the ingredients would just pile up in your inventory. There was Unique equipment for every region you had a chance to drop after a boss battle, and it'd be shown in the chat. Plant Overlord's accessory was the top trending thing. Rena was blonde and did a flip when she double jumped. The first field introduced was the one between Hamel and Velder. The level cap was 40 and it was *hard* to get there.

I sure don't miss a lot of this stuff, but looking back, it feels like a wholly different game.

i played around when the game was still like this for the most part, except the level cap at the time was 70? and then over time it jumped to 90 but my middle-school/high-school ass couldn't keep up. actually, i remember seeing the new UI the game has for the health bars and that was already enough to throw me off. not that it looks bad, but i remember seeing this UI for the longest time:

vs this:

like as much as i miss the one i got acquainted with, this new one is a lot simpler and cleaner? yet it retains that cartoony vibe with the slanted bars so thats neat. and then there's THIS:

i'll admit i havent played during this era but man this looks busy af. it was simple yea, but something feels off about it. like i love the look here too but it kinda clashes colors-wise. there's not too much of a difference between the original UI and the one after it but i could tell it needed slimming down.

while i was gone i also learned that the previous privately-hosted server VoidEls was shut down but was eventually replaced by another, which is fair enough i guess.

"Each town had its own gear and you'd have to drop blue-background items to upgrade it. And it was character-specific too."

this was both cool and annoying, for me personally at least. it's cool in that every town having gear gave you a way to progress before getting even stronger gear. sort of like a jumping-off point for every town you got to as they handed you their own version of stuff you could use. and you could emulate their aesthetic by wearing their gear. the annoying part is that constantly switching gear means item management is necessary to prevent your inventory from maxing out, and not every item looked good on you. if you didn't have skins? tough luck. (my memory might be wrong here so please correct me if i messed something up)

"...job progression quests had dialogue cutscenes and difficult quests?"

THEY GOT RID OF THOSE!? maybe im jaded but as a writer, i liked seeing the player-characters' personal struggle as they progressed through a job-specific mission. those short cutscenes let us see what they're really like. even if some of the requirements really were trash. i still remember spamming the same dungeon over and over hoping for a quest drop (or multiple) so i can move on. but after hearing the story was consolidated to be one singular, linear path regardless of who you played, maybe they streamlined the job class progression system too?

update: yea it seems you still have to spam dungeons to upgrade to Master Class but it looks less tedious than before for previous class ranks.

"Plant Overlord's accessory was the top trending thing."

boss accessories were the bane of my existence so this makes sense. it seems like it's unobtainable, as many overworld zones and dungeons have since been removed based on what i just looked up

im assuming Plant Overlord isn't fightable anymore or only shows up in some elite zone now so rip

"Rena was blonde and did a flip when she double jumped."

i didn't know this. in fact when i checked her wiki page, the change was because her hair wasn't green enough despite her class art showing her as having green-hued hair.

speaking of the wiki,

holy fucking shit thats a lot of classes

[bots-and-cons]

Need to complain... again

School is starting next week, 5th of September. I finally got my summer courses done a few days ago. It's kinda sad that I had 3 months of vacation from school and during that time I'm only going to have this one week for myself before school starts, when I don't have to do anything. I'm so not going to take summer courses next year, holy shit, it was such a mistake. On the brighter side, I got my teacher to agree that I don't have to do practical training this fall, and I can move it to next spring. I honestly would have burnt myself out if I'd had to do the practical training too. I was so fucking exhausted last spring with just the five weeks of 5 hour days. The next practical training is supposed to be 6 weeks and 7 hour days. The first one was supposed to be 3 weeks, but I got to do it in a longer period of time, due to my various problems with mental health and stuff.

The school stuff is all handled though, that's not really what I wanted to complain about. Since I moved away from my home town my best friend who still lives there keeps telling me I abandoned her and I hate that she uses that specific word. "Abandon", like I left just to spite her and leave her alone. I'm not saying she can't feel lonely or annoyed at me for moving, but I can't stand that she keeps using saying "What do you think it's like for ME ever since YOU abandoned me?" She still has her family there and people she knows. I moved to a completely new town, where I don't know anyone and all my family is a couple hours away. I literally have no one here. My school acquaintances/friends/whatever don't live here either, and I'm not going to be able to see them either because almost all my lectures are remote this fall and from now on. The few lectures I do have on campus, are not the same courses as my friend's so I won't see them then either.

My "best friend" has not asked me once, if I'm lonely. She just keeps saying if I make new friends, I'm gonna forget about her and "abandon" her. So I haven't really made the attempt to socialize because it makes me feel so guilty, because all I can hear is her voice in my head. Then she tells me how she spent 7 hours talking with someone on discord, even though she couldn't even answer my texts that day. She also doesn't come to see me, and I'm always the one who has to go to her. She could get on a train or a bus and come here, my apartment is literally about 800 meters from the bus and train stations. She absolutely hates driving here, she came to get me once during December 2023, and she has absolutely refused to drive here after that. This is a much bigger town than our hometown, but still, it just fucking sucks. It's like I'm not even worth a train ticket.

I'm fucking dying here, honestly. I hope it's gonna get better when school starts, but I also want to actually see the people I love. I suck at making friends and I'm so fucking anxious about meeting new people and this whole thing is fucking terrifying. I want to talk to the people I know. I want to see the people I know. Some of you have offered to talk with me, but what I really want, is someone who already knows me and to talk to someone I love. I appreciate the offer though.

I miss my mom and my dad and my younger siblings, and one of my brothers might be coming to see me in the next month, but that's a long as time away most likely. I also miss my best friend, even if she constantly makes me feel like shit.

I feel like nowadays I never get what I need from my BFF. She doesn't focus on me like she used to when we talked, and I feel like she's never there for me. I know I'm not entitled to her time or attention, but I would at least hope she'd reciprocate what I give her. We've been friends for about 18 years, but I feel like she's the one abandoning me. I always have to initiate conversation, and I'm pretty sure if I didn't text her, I would never hear from her again.

Am I really worth that little to her? Am I not worth a phone call or even answering my texts in the same day? I'm I not worth even a train ride here (which I would probably pay for)? Did I do something wrong? Is it my fault? Am I not enough? Makes me feel fucking bad man...

On top of all this, I keep hallucinating more and more, (mostly cats) and the intrusive thoughts are getting worse and worse. I'm overwhelmed all the time and I basically live with my headphones glued to my head, because it makes all the noise and shit a bit more bearable. I don't want to shower, or wash my teeth, the dishes and laundry keep piling up and making food is a fucking pain in the ass. I'm turning to candy and sweets for comfort, which also isn't good. I don't understand what the fuck is wrong with me...

[wastedlychee]

CW: DEATH BATTLE SPOILERS, FIRE EMBLEM THREE HOUSES SPOILERS AND SEMI-SPOILERS FOR BERSERK.

For people who don’t know me, I’m a loser who absolutely loves Three Houses and Berserk. I'm going to take time to talk about Dimitri VS Guts, because holy fucking shit I love this Death Battle so goddamn much. I was going to make a prediction blog for this fight but didn’t really see the point as Dimitri stomps being brutally honest.

I want to talk about Guts VS Nightmare first before talking about Guts VS Dimitri, as this is the only time I'm probably ever going to mention it: I genuinely dislike the episode.

When it originally came out, how they portrayed Guts wasn’t right at all; the thing I find

genuinely annoying is how is how after that Death Battle was released, people formed this thought that Guts was this Doom Guy/Doom Slayer-type character who slaughters demons for nothing more than sheer hate, which is true… at least at first. But then later on, Guts became-

much more than that due to his hate making him do nothing more than just become a hollow shell who fights only for his selfish desires to fight Griffith and protect Casca, even letting people into his life again and becoming friends with other people.

The story of Berserk went from being about an angry nihilist who fights just to fight, into a story about broken people helping each other in any way they can. So what did Death Battle do for Guts VS Nightmare? Make him just his angry, nihilistic self and not mention how he has changed.

There was also some research-related stuff that had issues, but to be blunt I don’t personally care about if either Guts or Nightmare should have won. If you want the truth of how I feel, Nightmare is so much stronger that the argument of “Guts beats people stronger than him everyday” isn’t really a good argument - not when unlike everyone Guts has ever fought, he's thousands of times stronger than the strongest person Guts defeated.

But that’s the main reasoning on why I don’t personally like Guts VS Nightmare - despite thinking it was okay animation-wise.

Now let's talk Dimitri VS Guts… well kind of.

I wanted to talk about my attraction towards this matchup; as mentioned before, I love both Fire Emblem and Berserk.

Starting with Dimitri: I got into Fire Emblem around the time the GBA games came out, and while I did fall off the games, I got back into them when Awakening was released.

With Berserk, I got into the manga around middle school after I was talking to a friend that I absolutely loved Hellsing and Black Lagoon. To be blunt I didn’t like Berserk at first because I disliked Guts until the time he changed, and to me changed for the absolute best. (I still wouldn't recommend Berserk tho cause....yeah)

Dimitri himself is a character that I absolutely fell in love with, from his story of mental health problems to his desire to change after the events of the timeskip as the redemption arc of sorts

happens. I’ve been wanting to do a "Who’s My Personal Favorite Characters of All Time" list, but I haven’t found any personal time to do so.

Now onto the actual episode with the analysis of Guts- this time, the episode did Guts legitimate justice as a character, as he is treated to much more than his past. With Dimitri, it also did pretty well as there’s not really anything I personally disagree with.

I know there were some people who took issue with the analysis, starting with the fact Dimitri was stated to have magic; however, they also were factoring in Three Hopes, which in that game he was able to use magic. To briefly touch on the animation, I can understand the issue of Dimitri stomping should have ended the fight with the lightning attack shutting down Guts’ armor, though I dislike that possible ending and you'll see why when I get to the actual ending.

Next, let's talk about those who disagree with the Rhea thing- you need to realize something with Death Battle as it's clear you guys don’t do VS Debating stuff: scaling is important, and Dimitri should get the scaling considering Edelgard and Byleth did kill Rhea in Edelgard's route.

There's also the fact that Dimitri kills Edelgard in his route, and also fights a powered-up version of her anyways. Scaling matters in these match-ups.

But onto the animation itself: I absolutely loved it - the back and forth with them becoming more bloodied and hurt, but neither caring due to how they fight. I especially loved the "voices in their heads" scene before Dimitri and Guts power up again. Plus, holy fuck the music is so good,

Brandon Yates did an amazing job with God's Hand.

Now the ending: if the voices scene didn't happen, this would be my favorite part. Dimitri thinks Guts is dead, then all of a sudden he gets up and breaks his lance, but ends up dying because he fought until every drop of his blood was gone. I also love the touch that the Berserker Armor is the reason why he is still standing despite dying. Dimitri realizes Guts fights for those who lost their lives too, and then decides to fight for Guts. Holy fucking shit man, this may be one of my favorite Death Battles of all time.

Closing thoughts, I absolutely loved this episode of DB and the team did an amazing job with it.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Take Your Father to Work Day (S2, E4)

As many people have said: This is one of the STRONGEST Prodigal Son episodes to date. It was incredible. My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. 

I reference Malcolm’s mental health and sexual violence in this one. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:16 - OMG. Destiny’s Child. Whoever is in charge of the soundtrack for this show needs a raise. Or an award. It’s SOO GOOD.

0:18 - How great is this montage of Martin’s prison life too? I mean the insane mundanity of it combined with “Survivor” and Michael Sheen’s incredible acting is some perfect mix between hilarious, captivating, and just brilliant. 

1:06 - I feel so bad for Mr.David. He has to deal with Martin’s theatrics every day. Poor guy looks done in this episode.

1:35 - CAN HECTOR BECOME A BIGGER CHARACTER?! PLEASE. He’s hilarious and I love him. “Bro. You got your ass jumped at Sunday School.”

2:09 - Wait. What? Jerry’s getting released?!? I mean, I understand that he’s no longer in need of psychiatric care......but he still killed someone. Shouldn’t he just be getting transferred to a different prison?

2:25 - Does Jerry have a death wish?!?! He’s talking about being released in a room full of jealous murderers. Everyone looks sooooo pissed at Jerry. 

2:54 - Martin is such a liar. However - Michael Sheen’s performance is astoundingly good. Like he shines brighter than usual in this episode. 

 3:17 - Poor Malcolm. “What’s going on?” Poor boy looks terrified. 

3:23 - I love everything about this scene. I love how freaked out Malcolm is. I love you extra Jessica is. BUT HANS. Holy shit. I want Hans in every episode. He’s crazy in a good way and such a beautiful comedic relief. 

3:30 - OMG.  “Skinny milennial” might be the best thing anyone has ever called Malcolm. Someone please tell JT and Dani - hell, even Gil. They would tease him forever and I want to see it. 

3:45 - 1) Malcolm is a terrible liar. 2) Jessica knows he’s lying. 3) This story about the wine is interesting. I wonder when and how Malcolm first told Jessica the story. Was it the same night? AND HOW DID ENDICOTT’S BODY END UP IN ESTONIA?!? I WANT MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THAT NIGHT. 

3:54 - “Ainsley and I came back from the hospital after Gil’s stabbing.”....we never saw Ainsley at the hospital. Was she there and left before Malcolm got there? Or is this a plot hole I need to ignore?

4:05 - The way that the flashbacks of Endicott’s murder is spliced into this scene with Malcolm’s cover story is so perfectly executed. It’s so captivating and so so well done.

4:14 - Malcolm’s eyes look quite manic during the retelling of this story. Poor guy is desperate to have everyone believe the story. Poor guy probably wants to convince himself that the story is true. 

4:16 - Wait. What? Ainsley has always been clumsy? .....interesting. I’ve seen no evidence of it but I’ll believe it for the sake of the plot. 

4:23 - “At least one of you has a soul.” Holy shit.  hahaha Hans is brutal. I love him so much. I also love how this line makes me, as a viewer, think “does that mean the writers want me to think that Ainsley doesn’t have a soul?” ...or more likely that she doesn’t feel emotion (which can be interpreted as a lack of a soul). That she’s a psychopath like Martin?

4:27 - OMG. Jessica loves Hans. He speaks to her dramatic rich woman soul. So entertaining. 

4:30 - Poor. Malcolm. This boy is always in some sort of emotional turmoil. For once I wish he was happy (but also I love the emotional whump so if that could continue that would be great). 

4:44 - “It’s so much more than that.” *chef’s kiss* comedic genius.  I would watch a whole episode of Mr.David making fun of Martin. But can we all just take a minute to appreciate that Martin doesn’t seem bothered at all that Mr.David is basically verbally telling him that he sucks? It’s almost like Martin thinks they’re friends?

4:50 - Martin is strangely chill talking to Mr.David in this scene. It’s a little off-putting. He almost seems normal. He’s not putting on his usual theatrics or ranting about doctor stuff. It makes you wonder how many different sides of Martin that Mr.David has witnessed. 

5:01 - “Oh no. Not Jerry.” LMAO. HOLY SHIT. Michael Sheen needs an Emmy. His delivery of that line might be the funniest thing this show has ever given us. hahahahaha

5:29 - Damn. This is not Gil’s month. First Jessica dumps him. Then he has to deal with Martin Whitly in the flesh. That plus the on-going drama of worrying about Malcolm’s mental health and the stress of reintegrating into work after a STAB WOUND.

5:31 - Gil’s face. hahahahaha he’s like, “Kill me. This can’t be happening. I hate everything. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.”

5:37 - “Yeah. Why’d you do it?” GIL. OMG. I’m so proud of Gil for dissing Martin to his face. BUT ALSO I worry that that’s going to give Martin more of a reason to hate Gil. I’m genuinely scared that the writers have Martin escaping as the pre-finale episode and Martin trying to kill Gil as the finale. Maybe Gil shows up trying to save Malcolm, AInsley, and Jessica (whom Martin is trying to abduct or hurt or something) idk I just feel like it’s going to be a likely subplot somewhere. I don’t want an attempt on Gil’s life to become a season finale tradition. 

5:56 - Ew. “Gilly” That is a terrible nickname. I think I threw up a little. 

6:00 - Damn. I love this scene. I could watch Martin and Gil pretending to be civil to each other for years. So entertaining. 

6:29 - hahahahaha OMG. Gil’s reaction to Martin saying, “Thank you” PLUS Edrisa’s sudden excitement at realizing she’s 10 ft away from Malcolm’s Dad - a medical legend, is magical.

6:35 - Not gonna lie. When Edrisa said, “Ok. I’m gonna play it cool.” I had to pause my TV and walk away to calm down. I was experiencing a mixture of second hand embarrassment for Edrisa’s inevitable behaviour, excitement for what is to come, and fear that Martin would be a jerk to our precious Edrisa. 

6:44 - Edrisa and Martin interacting was everything I’d hoped. It was strange, funny, sweet, and disturbing at the same time. The sweet, eccentric girl who attends cuddle parties is getting buddy-buddy with a literal serial killer. Hilarious. Even better is Gil’s background reactions as he desperately tries to keep Edrisa away from the psychopath. hahaha <3 

7:12 - Gil is currently living in a nightmare. hahahahaha 

7:47 - I love this. I love how Malcolm and Ainsley interact. Malcolm is such a good big brother. IDK something about these two adult siblings chilling on a couch and warning each other about Mom’s current rampage reminds me of myself and my younger brother. <3 Warms my cold dead heart. <3 PLUS has anyone else noticed that (as long as Ainsley isn’t hounding Malcolm about a story or airing out his mental health diagnoses like the bs from Q&A) Malcolm is extremely calm around Ainsley. Like maybe the calmest we’ve ever seen him?

8:20 - “Oh Ainsley, that’s a horrible idea.” This is adorable. Malcolm is totally acting like Ainsley’s surrogate dad. He’s trying so hard to protect her. <3 

8:42 - There’s something about the way that Malcolm says, “Hey Gil” that makes my heart swell. Idk why. I just their father/son relationship. So much. And it makes me so happy to see Malcolm having semi-normal interactions with people in general. 

8:48 - This. Is. The. Funniest. Episode. Of. Prodigal. Son. To. Date. Holy shit. The comical dread on Malcolm’s face. Martin’s glee on the phone. Gil’s general “done with life” body language. Ainsley’s utter joy at her luck. MALCOLM DRAINING THE ALKA-SELTZER. Ainsley saying “chug chug”. So perfect. 

9:27 - Is it just me or has Jessica been showing way more concern for her children’s well-being this season? At first I thought it was because she was so happy with Gil....but that’s not a thing anymore (because Jessica is a MORON - seriously if this show gets cancelled before Gil and Jessica are living happily ever after I will riot) so now Idk. 

10:02 - EDRISA WHY DID YOU NOT TELL GIL AND MALCOLM THAT THE SURGEON WAS ON THE PHONE?!? For a hot second, poor Malcolm looks like he thinks he’s hallucinating. 

10:40 - Gil hanging up on Martin and then telling Edrisa that she needs to make new friends is everything. It’s vicious. Gil looks absolutely furious in this scene and I love it. 

11:07 - Yo. Edrisa’s got some baggage. hahaha Malcolm looks soooo uncomfortable with her outburst.

11:18 - I would pay good money to watch Martin and Gil have a pissing match in front of Malcolm every episode. It’s amazing. They’re constantly trying to one-up each other. The tension is palatable. And someone Malcolm is the only one acting like a mature, working adult. Malcolm. My mentally unstable, skinny millennial. 

11:34 - OH SHIT. Martin did not just bring Jessica into this. Oh SNAP. Does Martin know that Jessica dumped Gil?!? 

11:56 - “I’m going to need a little more than that.” Damn. Malcolm looks pissed here. Pretty sure he hates that Martin just brought up Gil/Jessica. Malcolm’s bio-dad and real dad are fighting and it’s very clear that Malcolm is on Gil’s side.

12:17 - The look that Gil and Malcolm share here is perfect. I love it so much. You can see how annoyed they both are, how much they hate that they need Martin on this case, how much neither of them want Martin’s help. <3 

12:23 - SOMEONE GIVE GIL A MEDAL. This man just grit his teeth, smiled, and let MARTIN WHITLY - the man who tried to KILL HIM work on his case. Why? Because Malcolm silently asked him to. Because Gil loves Malcolm and knows that it’s better for Martin to work with them officially than for Malcolm to work with Martin in secret. At least this way he can look out for Malcolm. 

12:42 - “It’s taken Dr. Marsh years...” soooo was Dr. Marsh the name of the Asian doctor leading group therapy last season? Is this just a new actor, same character scenario? OR am I supposed to forget that Asian doctor existed last season? 

13:04 - I can’t tell if Gil hates this whole “father-son in group therapy idea”. He looks kind of like he hates it (although he is looking at Martin in the shot). I’m inclined to think that Gil is worried. He doesn’t like how nice Martin is acting toward Malcolm. He doesn’t want Malcolm to get hurt again. BUT I also think there’s probably a part of Gil that thinks group therapy might be beneficial for Malcolm’s mental health? I mean it was only ever going to be terrible or amazing. Nothing in between. 

13:12 - “They hate you don’t they?” GIL BRINGING THE FIRE. hahahaha angry Gil is really funny.

13:43 - OH HELL YES. More Hector. <3

13:46 - hahaha YES. Hector this is Malcolm - the son. You know, the one you had to role-play? hahaha I feel like Hector is a really cool dude (aside from the murder). 

13:53 - Damn. Hector pays attention in group. He has a lot of info about Malcolm. I would’ve thought the other inmates would just tune Martin out when he starts his monologues. 

13:59 - “He’s got a thing with hands?” hahahaha OMG. How did I never connect the hand thing. DOES Malcolm have a thing with hands? ....I kind of want that to be cannon?

14:00 - “You’re crazier than me.”  Ouch. That must’ve hurt. Think about it - Malcolm is ridden with guilt about Endicott. He’s haunted by what he experienced as a kid and by what his father is. Malcolm believes he’s broken beyond repair. On some level Malcolm thinks he’s crazy. Now a literal killer just told him he’s crazy. That just affirms what Malcolm already believes about himself. :( PLUS right after Hector tells Malcolm that he’s crazy - the camera pans to Martin. MARTIN looks scared. Martin is losing control of the situation and he doesn’t like it. Martin knows on some level that he ruined Malcolm’s mental health. He almost looks a little guilty?

14:31 - FINALLY. We have a cannon occurrence of someone calling Malcolm “Mal” (or “Malc” if you’re going by HULU’s subtitles?). I hope the writers start having people call Malcolm by Mal/Malc more often. 

14:35 - I can’t ignore it anymore.  DID HECTOR HAVE THAT SCAR ON HIS FACE LAST SEASON?!? I DON’T REMEMBER IT. 

14:38 - YES YES. Malcolm looks angry. I LOVE IT. Scream at him Malcolm! Give him hell!

15:03 - Yikes. Malcolm sounds like he’s about to cry here. :( My heart breaks for him. .....I wonder if this is the first time Martin has ever heard how much pain he caused Malcolm straight from Malcolm? Martin looks hella uncomfortable here. 

15:25 - The inmates (literal murderers) empathizing with Malcolm is twisted, beautiful, and haunting. These guys understand how much it sucks to hang out with Martin. These guys can see the real pain in Malcolm’s expression. They know he isn’t lying. Part of me honestly wonders if one of them is going to try and hurt Martin for Malcolm. They looked pissed enough by the end of the conversation that I kind of believe they might. 

16:00 - Malcolm is not acting here. For once he’s not projecting his problems onto potential suspects. He’s just venting to suspects. No pretence. I love it. BUT 100% of me wants to know where Gil is during this session. Is Gil listening? Is the session being recorded for evidence? There’s no way Gil (or Dani) wouldn’t confront Malcolm about this. Even if they just asked him if he’s okay. 

16:10 - hahahaha look at Doctor Marsh. He’s like “ooookkkkkaaaayyyy. I’m a psychiatrist in a psychiatric facility for people who have committed violent crimes. BUT THIS IS THE NUTTIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN.”

16:12 - Look at the way Martin narrows his eyes. He’s trying to figure out if Malcolm is acting. He’s finally realizing that Malcolm truly hates what Martin subjected him to as a child. I honestly think this interaction will cause Martin to shift his “become a murderer like me” agenda from Malcolm to Ainsley. He’s finally seen the depth of Malcolm’s hatred and pain and knows deep down that Malcolm will never turn into a serial killer. But there’s still hope for Ainsley. That’s not to say that Martin won’t stop gaslighting Malcolm - he totally will.

17:10 - Martin has been at Claremont for 20 YEARS. How is it that he didn’t know a gold card existed?!?

17:21 - I honestly thought Marsh was going to get shanked. For the gold card. No other reason. 

18:07 - It’s not supposed to be funny but Burt freaking out and punching Marsh is HYSTERICAL. hahahahaha

18:10 - That guard who pushed Malcolm out of the room and into a safe area? He’s in my good books. Every time I watch him push Malcolm to safety I want to give him a hug. Just for doing his job. What the hell is wrong with me?!?

18:18 - UGH. I hate that creepy, satisfied look that Martin gives Malcolm. It’s the same look he gave baby Malcolm in the pilot. It’s the “we’re the same” look and it clearly bothers Malcolm. :( 

18:26 - Oh look. 18 minutes into the episode and we finally have a Dani appearance!! annnnnnd no mention of JT. I mean, I get it. He’s on paternity leave. I’m happy for him. BUT TWO EPISODES WITHOUT A JT APPEARANCE IS TORTURE. At least give me a throw away line about how happy JT is or about the baby!?? Honestly - it’s my biggest gripe with this episode. 

18:56 - soooo either Dr. Marsh is a terrible psychiatrist OR you can’t “cure” murderers. 

19:08 - The NYPD knows that Martin cured Jerry?!? HOW? Did Mr. David get Martin to admit to shocking him? Did Mr. David tell the police?!? I don’t remember Martin telling Malcolm. I specifically remember Malcolm saying, “I don’t want to know”

20:02 - Damn. I want Ainsley to go dark so badly. I want to see how badly it would destroy Malcolm and Jessica. I am evil. 

20:52 - Malcolm’s burgundy jacket is gorgeous. That is all.

21:10 - Malcolm knows that Martin wants to escape. This is good. I love this. 

21:55 - THERE’S A WOMENS WARD?!? REVOLUTIONARY INFORMATION. I THOUGHT THEY HAD A SEPARATE HOSPITAL. 

22:00 - Oh wow. Finally - a perk to gender inequality. 

22:52 - This Brightwell scene is so cute. I love watching Malcolm be excited about solving the crime. I love watching Dani gently tease him about how weird he is. I love watching them subtly flirt. Is Malcolm ready for another relationship - hell no. Do I think Dani has forgiven him - not totally. If they got together now it would end badly. But I do want them to be endgame. 

23:11 - Andre is really suspicious throughout this whole scene. I’m convinced that if Dani and Malcolm weren’t too busy flirting Andre would’ve become a suspect really fast. 

23:15 - Why do people get released from psychiatric prisons?!? This is a genuine question. I would’ve thought that everyone in Claremont has committed some seriously heinous crimes and only a very small portion of them are actually sick. The rest of them just pleaded insanity and had good lawyers. But even if they are/were sick. I don’t think the types of mental illnesses that drive people to murder and/or rape is something that can be cured.  Sooo why are they getting released? I guess I just wonder because there’s this guy that’s been in my local news on and off for like 10+ years. He’s molested/raped many young women between the ages of about 16-25. He’s been arrested and released multiple times. He keeps getting released to different major cities in my province (usually a city with a big University) and reoffends within 6 months of being released. Most recently he was arrested last month after being released in October 2020. Clearly he’s going to keep reoffending - so why does he keep getting released? I guess I just don’t understand what the criteria are that allow an inmate who has committed that sort of crime to be released. Here’s a link to one of the more recent news stories if you’re interested: https://vancouverisland.ctvnews.ca/police-warn-of-high-risk-sex-offender-moving-to-victoria-1.5149264

23:23 - hahaha Andre is like, “Yo. This dude is freaky.”

24:15 - Look at how proud Malcolm is of his whole “lobster = murderer” profile. <3 So freaking precious. <3 and Dani looks so amused with him.  <3

24:37 - Sooooo Mr. David isn’t listening to this conversation? He left the room?

24:40 - Jessica going to Martin for parenting help is terrifying. This is a woman in crisis. 

25:20 - But Jessica was right to be paranoid in 97′. She wasn’t being cheated on romantically but her husband was murdering people. 

25:24 - Martin is so selling his kids out here. He knows it. He doesn’t care. He’s having too much fun torturing Jessica. He’s rejoicing at the fact that he gets to play the “I turned the kids to the dark side” card. 

26:40 - Poor Jessica. She looks suspicious and scared. Scared that she raised a killer even though she tried desperately to prevent that very behaviour. 

26:56 - Damn. Martin is having a really good day. First he gets to annoy Gil Arroyo in the flesh. Then Edrisa talks medical with him. Then he gets to work with Malcolm. THEN his ex-wife calls him and he gets to toy with her mind. THEN his daughter, who has literally murdered someone comes to visit him. He is a proud Dad right here and he’s having an amazing day. 

28:00 - Rhonda is terrifying. This girl has perfected the “I’m sweet and unthreatening” while lying and manipulating people. I swear she’s a teenage Queen B personality with a side of violence. 

28:30 - I love how protective Malcolm is of Ainsley. Look how positively livid he is that Marin is talking to her. Malcolm is terrified that Martin is going to purposefully and successfully turn Ainsley into a serial killer. Malcolm doesn’t want to lose his sister. He doesn’t want Jessica to lose her ‘stable’ child.

29:09 - This scares me. This is the kind of Ainsley behaviour from last season that made me believe she is the Whitly child most like Martin. Her ruthlessness and lack of a conscience when it comes to looking for a news story is extremely upsetting. 

30:11 - What the hell happened to Tevin? AND WATKINS?!? We got no closure on those guys. Are they dead? In prison? Is Tevin still in Claremont? Were they transferred to facilities outside of New York State?

30:28 - Malcolm yelling at Martin is perfect. *chef’s kiss* Finally this boy is being honest with his father and he isn’t holding back. 

30:40 - Michael Sheen is an incredible actor. This is an Emmy worthy scene. By Sheen AND Payne.

30:48 - I love how you can see Mr. David just chilling. Sitting outside the door and staring across the hall during this scene. It’s just....can’t he hear the screaming?!? Is he just like, “I can’t take anymore of this today. Not my circus and not my monkeys.”

30:55 - Soooooo this is Martin showing his true colours. There’s definitely a part of Martin that hates Malcolm. I honestly wonder if that part of Martin actively tries/tried to emotionally torture Malcolm now and throughout his childhood. 

31:00 - “And your mother. And you ruined HeR!!!”....does this mean Martin was trying to make Ainsley a serial killer? Maybe after the camping trip when he realized Malcolm was too “weak” to kill anyone? Is this Martin saying that Ainsley is ruined because she didn’t become a serial killer? Or that Ainsley is ruined because she killed Endicott?

31:05 - “But that’s not me.” hahaha OMG. Michael Sheen just flipped between two personalities like nobody’s business. Respect.

31:08 - Martin’s outburst hurt Malcolm. Badly. You can see it all over his face. Even now, when Malcolm is being strong and showing some backbone to Martin, Martin can wound Malcolm with a single phrase. :( 

31:41 - soooo where has Gil been for the past 10 minutes of this episode?

32:02 - Sooooo did Andre kill Jerry for Rhonda? Or did he just know about the murder and keep quiet for Rhonda? Or is his oblivious to the fact that Rhonda killed Jerry? I’m honestly confused here. 

32:20 - Holy shit. Rhonda is crazy. Andre is dead now. Right?

32:48 - Wait. Why did Andre have a gold card? Mr. David only has red. What kind of qualifications does a guard need to get a gold card vs blue, green, or red?!?!

32:55 - Claremont isn’t a punishment for Martin. Solitary is. Martin should live in solitary. He deserves to suffer for his crimes (and the ongoing torture of his son). 

33:05 - How messed up is it that Mr. David’s job is to protect a serial killer? I don’t think I’m brave enough to do something like that. I also don’t know if I could do that for moral reasons. 

33:14 - Damn. That elevator looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since it was installed. It’s sooo much nastier than the hallway outside of the elevator. 

33:50 - Sooo does this mean Martin is eventually going to try and murder someone down here?

33:54 - HE CALLED FOR BACKUP <3 <3 <3 OUR BOY IS GROWING UP AND I’M SO PROUD. <3 

35:40 - FINALLY SOME MALCOLM WHUMP. <3 THIS SEASON HAS BEEN LACKING IT. 

36:00 - This is really interesting to me. I honestly wonder if Martin has some sort of split personality disorder (personality #1: murderous, selfish, psychopath; personality #2: loving, concerned father and lawful doctor). You can see how desperately he wants to escape. But also how much he loves his son. I honestly thought he was going to leave Malcolm to die. 

36:06 - Ugh. Look at his whumped face. <3 <3 <3 ....one thing that I couldn’t stop thinking during all the tazing (which was amazing FYI, I’m not complaining) is this: in QxA (1x07) Mr. David says that he only has a single shot tazer. Why did Andre have a multi-shot tazer? Is this a gold card vs red card thing?

36:40 - WHY THE EFF DOES BACKUP NOT INCLUDE GIL?!?! I KNOW HE’S STILL IN THE BUILDING. 

37:03 - MARTIN, IF YOU TOUCH A HAIR ON DANI’S HEAD I WILL PERSONALLY HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU MYSELF. He honestly looks like he wants to murder her. 

37:50 - Martin’s speech is not going to help Malcolm’s mental state. At all. 

38:31 - No. No. No. Martin you do NOT get to talk to Dani on a first name basis. Look at how much Dani hates it. 

38:35 - I love how soft Malcolm looks as Martin lifts him up. Look at how Malcolm gently leans into the touch. It breaks my heart. After 20 years Malcolm is still comforted by physical contact with his father. :( 

38:37 - “Put your hands on me again Dr. Whitly, and I’ll blow your head off.” OH HELL YES. Dani is my hero. Iconic. Also - anyone else notice that Dani is chewing gum in this scene (I don’t think she’s chewed gum on camera since the pilot?) it makes her look like so much more of a badass in this scene. 

38:55 - Oh look. The rest of the backup finally showed up. Where were these assholes 5 minutes ago when DANI WAS ALONE? AND WHERE IS GIL?!?!

39:00 - Malcolm thanking Dani is so so precious. And the fact that he’s clearly struggling to breathe and stay conscious is giving me life. ALSO Dani saying, “YOU’re welcome.”?!? *chef’s kiss* :) :) <3

39:30 - So Malcolm definitely knows that Martin almost left him to die so that Martin could escape. 

39:33 - ......Ainsley is currently living with Jessica. Why is Ainsley not at the family dinner? We literally see her in the house in like 30 seconds. 

39:35 - Malcolm in a polo shirt. Malcolm in a polo shirt. Why is it so attractive?!? He looks like a baby cinnamon roll? <3 

39:51 - WHO THE EFF LET AINSLEY INTO THE MURDER BASEMENT?!? WHY AM I EXPECTED TO BELIEVE THAT JESSICA DIDN’T RE-SEAL IT AFTER WATKINS?!?!

40:15 - Jessica desperately tearing apart the living room is heartbreaking. :(

40:29 - Question: Did Jessica send her staff home before she tore apart the living room? Because I can just imagine two of them staring into the living room from the hall like, “She’s finally snapped. Should we call someone?”

41:00 - Jessica is the queen of drama. HOLY SHIT. This reveal was so extra and so perfect. 

41:13 - “I killed him.” “You’re lying.” I love this interaction between Jessica and Malcolm. Malcolm has spent his whole life trying to convince people that he’s not a murderer. To protect Ainsley, his baby sister, he will say the words “I killed him”. Even though that is literally killing a part of Malcolm. Jessica knows it. I love that Jessica can see that Malcolm is lying. She’s not trying to convince herself that he’s innocent. She literally just accused him of murder. She’s scared. Because Malcolm just admitted to killing someone - his biggest fear - and it was a lie. 

41:35 - Watching Bellamy Young’s facial expression as Jessica realizes that Ainsley killed Endicott is a thing of beauty. This woman needs an Emmy too. HELL, CAN WE GIVE THIS WHOLE EPISODE AN EMMY?!?! 

42:00 - Poor Jessica. The guilt she must feel. She’s always thought that Malcolm was the one at risk of being a murderer. He’s a boy (they’re statistically more prone to violence than girls), he was older than Ainsley, he remembers terrible things, Malcolm had continued exposure to Martin throughout his childhood (Ainsley didn’t - I think?). But the child she neglected, the child she thought was safe, the child she thought remained free of Martin’s evil killed someone. It’s a plot-twist that just ripped Jessica’s heart into a million pieces. 

42:30 - Yep. I promise you Malcolm has been psychoanalyzing Ainsley’s past behaviours since the moment she killed Endicott. He’s found traits common to serial killers and he’s terrified that she’ll become one if she remembers what it felt like to kill Endicott. He’s probably kicking himself for not noticing sooner. He’s probably questioning his ability as a profiler and as a big brother. AND the fact that MALCOLM has to protect Jessica AND Ainsley is heartbreaking. It’s way too big a burden. No wonder Malcolm’s mental health is on a downward spiral. 

42:33 - This is the moment Jessica begins grieving for Ainsley. The fear, disbelief, and horror on her face. It’s torture that I can only describe as someone telling a mother that her daughter is dead. Because Ainsley is dead. The person Jessica believed Ainsley was - that little girl is dead. Because Jess just found out the truth. 

42:55 - Jessica is now terrified of her own daughter. That is maybe the most upsetting thing this show has given us. 

43:00 - I saw an interesting theory about how Ainsley is regressing back to her childhood (crawling into bed with Mom, moving back in with Mom) and I must say - that would be a really interesting way for this story to go. Ainsley regressing to a child-like state as she is convicted of murder. As a result she ends up in the women’s ward of Claremont because she can plead insanity. 

This episode was amazing. Seriously, one of the best Prodigal Son episodes to date. Definitely the best of season 2 so far. If you’ve read this far - thanks for hanging out. 

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon, sorry this keeps taking me a while to send, been very busy lately.

He only had a hunch at first he was his ancestor but later talking with Karl confirmed it. I have yet to decide, I think he probably will just so I can focus more on the current events and not his past. 

He solely relys on his instincts when around other endermen. Although when around Ran he relys more on his social interaction skills. Though he still does certain things (like no eye contact, he leaves two blocks for Ran as a show of care and harmlessness, and sometimes warbling at Ran) due to his instincts. For other enderman it generally works out well, they mostly leave Ranboo alone anyway. But for Ran, he doesn't care much.

He is aware of Enderwalk Ranboo, mostly cause Phil warned him about it. His interactions with Enderwalk Ranboo are mostly Enderwalk Ranboo entering his room and trying to get close to Ran only for Ran to really full heartily growl and lash out at him when he gets close. Then Enderwalk Ranboo whines and leaves. Ranboo is hesitant but welcoming and open to Ran all the time, mostly because holy shit its another enderman hybrid, he thought he was the only one! And Ranboo can tell the two share a bit of similarities but mostly just thinks its because there both enderman hybrids. 

Karl manages to convince the Artic Commute to leave the two alone and once they leave starts to question Ran. Only to pretty often get cut off by him asking a retaliation question. Ran is angry and desperately wants to know everything, Karl is scared and wants to know everything Ran knows. So they eventually come to a agreement where Karl asks a question, Ran answers then he asks a question and Karl answers that. After a while of this they come to an agreement to wait til Ran is fully healed to start to find a way to get him back. And in the meantime Karl'll explain his timetravel stuff and how Ran got here, hoping to get the Commute to agree to help them find a way to get Ran home. 

A mix of annoyed, angry, relieved, and homesick (cause Tubbo reminds him of Jackie). Bit of both, he wants to know whats going on and where Ran came from, but is also just curious about the other hybrid. Tubbo heads to the Artic cause Ranboo hasn't been over at all in weeks, keeps saying he's to busy and how something interesting happened at the Artic. So Tubbo gets tired of it and decides to head over to find out whats keeping Ranboo from visiting. Ye medic Eret, I was originally thinking of medic Bad but I think I may try to include the Egg in this somewhere so he's not a option. They have a mutual relationship, no one there really has a reason to dislike him or to heavily like him, but they all get along whenever they meet. Eret learns by Phil contacting him for help, cause while Techno and Phil both know some health knowledge they don't know enough to properly treat Ran and make the call to call in Eret to help, both trusting them enough to keep this secret between all of them. Karl learns because of Eret actually, Eret comes to Karl for help to see if he has any enderman biology books and half handly mention how a enderman needs help, leading to Karl asking if its Ranboo or Edward, the no he gets in response alarms him enough to back Eret into a corner and force him to tell him who was there that needed help. All Eret said was a dark enderman with green eyes, which reminds Karl of Ran and gets him panicked enough to go see if its him. Tubbo knows cause he gets impatient of waiting for Ranboo to vist so he vists with no warning, leading to him meeting Ran while looking for Ranboo. Its kept hush hush cause their all unsure of how the rest of the SMP would react to having Ran there, especially when it's revealed he's from the future. 

He did. He's not having fun. Karl used too but not anymore since he's time travled so much he's gotten used to it.

Partially, he understands all common though is only able to speak a medium amount, mostly due to his mouth and vocal cords are just unable to make some words or sounds needed to speak it. When that happens they basically play charades. He is still Technos roommate and is happily helping Ranboo in anyway he can. 

------------------------

They steal anything they can get their grubby hands on. It actually goes pretty well as well shockingly. They mostly steal anything that looks expensive, though they manage to find a bunch of raw material like gold, iron, and even diamonds and steal all of that. And they get far enough no one can find them at first. 

Thats exactly what happened, they make eye contact, hear a ruckus from nearby, make eye contact again, then fucking book it away from the sounds. 

The most trouble the group makes is when Grievous makes fun of Porkums hat and gets punched for it. 

Honestly with all the wars and battles that go on in the SMP he probably doesn't even bat a eye, its probably normal for him. 

First thing Jackie does is complain about everyone being taller than him. I imagine Pogtopia being abandoned for years hasn't left it in a very stable state. So Jackie just steps in the wrong place and gets sent tumbling down, with rocks falling after trapping him. 

All happened after they met Karl, but all happened at different times. So for example, the Wild West where thrown back 3 years after meeting Karl. While for the Haunted Mansion crew, they where thrown back months after meeting Karl. Even though they've all met him before their reactions are slightly different depending on how long ago they met Karl. Again for example Sherman and Jon Jon greeted Karl like a old friend and were happy to see him again. While all of the Haunted Mansion crew greeted Karl with questions as they more recently saw him so didn't feel the need to say hello. Cause Isaac and Karl are both in Kinoko Kingdom, where Karl holds all of his books about the time travel journeys, Karl is able to bring Isaac to the books and show him the City of Mizu Book, along with the others that explain who they people he was with where. Plus Isaac just doesnt really have a reason to not believe Karl as he has never lied to him or anything.

Im guessing you mean after the search party is formed, then its actually Ran found first since he's so close. Karl has to try to convince Ran to join them so they can count him as found and then take him to a holding type area. Ran refuses at first and Karl gives him a ultimatum that he either goes with them and gets to go home or stays here forever. He eventually agrees to come with if he gets to search with them, and reluctantly Karl agrees. Karl does what any of the Tales people joining them on their search, but much to his dismay more people insist on joining them. Ran also actually has information on the Bandits but refuses to give it until they find Jackie, cause he has a bad feeling that something happened to him. Ran actually has his left hand bandaged cause a massive piece of glass went through his hand. Jackie will eventually get his arm in a sling due to a broken bone. Ranbulter and James suffer hypothermia and have to be taken care of by Bad (the Egg doesn't exist in this au). Zack slips trying to get away from the Bandits and twists his ankle. Sherman breaks a finger trying to get out of the ravine. And Benjamin gets a slash on his leg after trying to run from Drowned and getting grazed by the trident. Both sides goals are getting back home. Though it's harder for the Tales cause not all of them get along. Karl gets worn down over time and slowly becomes more distressed and hopeless about getting them home. And all the stress builds up til he just snaps and sadly, quite a few people are in the line of fire when he snaps.

From Future To Past AU:

What led to him suspecting Ranboo to be his ancestor?

Do certain blocks have certain meanings, then? For Endermen?

Enderboo sounds very sad and put-out. How is he generally in this AU, seeing as Phil's aware of his existence at the least? How does Ran feel about his visits, and what are his thoughts on when it happens? Are Ender hybrids rare in general, if he's so surprised to see another one?

How'd Karl convince him? How do the two currently view each other, and what were their previous interactions beforehand, if Ran's reaction to him was so upset, and Karl was spooked? How do they get along after?

How does the rest of the Arctic react to Tubbo's presence, and how do our two Endermen feel about the possible tension-considering Ranboo's closeness to Tubbo, and Ran being reminded of Jackie. What are you thinking, egg-wise? Why does Eret go to Karl for books? Is his library well-known?

So Karl could possibly help Ran out with the effects? Or is at least aware of them? Or no?

Charades with them all sounds like so much fun, honestly. Can you imagine it?? And good! We need more Edward around!

---------------------

Tip Of The Iceberg AU:

Good for them. Do they end up having to return the stuff later, or no?How does it go when Las Nevadas realizes who the thieves are?

Common sense isn't dead! Huzzah! Absolutely hilarious image though.

Good for Porkums, honestly.

That is also true! And really funny image, once again. Eret's just like- 'ah, my window, mysteriously broken. Again. Absolutely shocking. Whatever will I do.' Completely deadpan while they pull out supplies from a chest kept nearby for this exact thing.

Everyone else: Where are we? Are we in danger? What happened?

Jackie: How dare you all be taller than me.

That's not good though. How do they and the others react to that?

Have certain events of the Tales been altered then? Seeing as some of them would be dead otherwise? Or were they revived when they were thrown back in time?

How do all the Smp members react to these random people who popped up seeming to know Karl? 'never lied to him' implies Issac knows Karl a bit more beyond just meeting him now, so what's with that? Is he just naturally trusting of him, or do they know each other?

How does that first interaction go, not just between Karl and Ran, but with the others with them? What information does he have on the bandits, and how did he get it? Similar past as before, seeing as Jackie remains so important to him?

Poor Tales. None of them are having fun, huh? Where are they all housed after this, and what are relationships like as of now? Do the groups stick together from era, or with whoever they just get along with best? How do they interact with certain Smp members?

And what happens both during and in the aftermath of Karl snapping?

[anotheronechicagobog]

Bulletproofness and Playing God Jay Halstead x reader

written by: @anotheronechicagobog​

requested by @confusedpimp​, I hope you like it!

warnings: swearing, addiction, Hannah Asher is NOT porprayed well in this you have been warned, malpractice, emergency c-section complications, involves Chicago Med episode ‘Do No Harm’, police being idiots and assholes, warrants served incorrectly, drugs, drug dealers, bad neighbourhood created by systematic oppression and gentrification, Will is a prick with issues, and canon compliant violence

A/N: I am very sympathetic and supportive of people who have addictions because not only are there a tone of genetic factors that weigh in on it, but environmental factors that most people have very little to no control over. That being said, I am strongly against people with addictions working in healthcare, first responding, and/or law enforcement who spend most of their time with vulnerable people who don’t have much of a choice about whether to trust them or not. If someone works in an area where they have someone’s life in their hands they cannot be addicted to a substance that will control their ability to make judgements, affect how/their ability to work, and function as a whole.

In the past eight months, a warrant has been served to your apartment twenty-one times. You haven’t done anything wrong, the name on the warrants was always for your upstairs neighbour, did this make being woken up and the fucking crack of dawn and being interrogated (sometimes arrested) any easier? Not even a fucking bit. So you weren’t surprised when at 3:28 am, your door was busted open (again), heard shouts of “Chicago PD!” (again), and heard your house being “cleared” (again). You groaned and sat up, holding your hands up. Your bedroom door was thrown open with a bang. “I am unarmed, Marcus Evans lives in the apartment upstairs, and I have no association to him.” In the blandest voice possible, you recited the statement the legal aid at your university wrote you. “Uh... Sorry? Hey, Sarg, I think I’ve figured out why there were so many unsuccessful warrants on this place.” The blonde man was still pointing a gun at your head, but more members of his unit came to surround him.   

“Can I put my hands down now? I have documents that prove I am innocent, that the warrant was served to the wrong address, again, and that the only connection I have to Marcus Evans is that he is my annoying upstairs neighbour.”

They all sheepishly looked at you. The Latina woman spoke up, “the apartment is clear of anything even remotely illegal. Well, aside from the power lines attached to her box outside that show that her neighbours have been stealing power and internet from her.”

‘Sarg’, an older man with silver hair with a surprised look on his face nodded. “Alright, put ‘em down and get us the papers.”

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Despite all the evidence that the warrant wasn’t meant for you, they still insisted on taking you down to the station. You refused since they couldn’t arrest you and had no grounds to hold you on, and Sergeant Voight did not like that. “I’m too tired to give a shit about what you want. I have three jobs, student loans, and university to deal with. The only things of value in my apartment are my crappy laptop and internet access. The only time I am ever here is to sleep. You already disturbed what little sleep I was able to get, and I have work in... Forty-five minutes. Just great. Please leave, and can one of you, for the love of all things holy put a note in the system that this is NOT Marcus Evans’ apartment?!” Everyone flinched at your outburst, all looking both sympathetic and annoyed except for Detective Halstead, he just looked very sad for you. “Of course,” he said as he handed you a business card, “if you could call me when you have time, we have some pretty important questions.” Sargent Voight shot him a look, one that clearly said ‘what the fuck are you doing? That’s not your call.’ “Okay. Now seriously, please leave.” Irritated and muttering under their breath, barring Halstead who gave you a smirk and a wink, they all left stepping over the splinters of the door you replaced three weeks before.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day after entering your sparsely decorated apartment, dropping dead on your bed/couch, you heard the distinctive sounds of a door being broken down, followed by the police announcing themselves, and an apartment being searched... Above yours. They finally got the right apartment! Despite the ache in your muscles and bones, you jumped up and cheered. Complete and utter elation surrounded you and your soul. A few minutes into your dancing and celebrating there was a knock on the door. Smiling brighter than you had in years you answered the door. “Good morning detective!”

“Well, good morning to you too, Ms. Y/L/N. You’re in a much better mood.”

“To be fair, you guys busted into my apartment at three in the morning, again, and I just heard everything that happened upstairs, you guys finally got the right apartment!”

“Hey, we never served more than one warrant here.”

“Your unit only served one, but your brothers in blue served twenty-one. Destroying property, unlawful arrest, causing severe anxiety, and just general harassment for eight months. The only reason I didn’t move was because I couldn’t afford to. I’m just happy it’s over now, I’ll never have a  Marcus Evans warrant served at my apartment again!” Halstead looked happy when you opened the door and your conversation began, but when you finally took a breath you noticed how guilty he looked. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, looking like he was in physical pain, before he nodded at you and walked away, leaving you feeling incredibly confused.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days later you returned from two ten-hour shifts to Jay Halstead in front of your door. “Detective?”

“Please, call me Jay.”

“Alright, Jay, what are you doing here? Is everything okay with Marcus’s arrest?”

“Oh yeah, everything’s fine with that. I came here because of this.” He handed you a large manilla envelope. “What’s this?”

“Compensation. For everything that happened over the last eight months. And apartment listings in better neighbourhoods. Seriously, you need to get out of here, it’s way too dangerous.”

“Thanks for the advice, and the compensation, I’ll think about it. But it just might not be doable for me.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You couldn’t afford to move, something that irked Jay to no end. So he came around often. Dropping by with coffee and Irish breakfasts. Sharing his Netflix password and watching B99 together. Driving you home from work or university when it was late. The days grew shorter, and your hours of work grew longer. Jay worried. About you. About the number of hours you worked. About how much university work you had. About your health, how much (or little, really) you slept and ate, how you didn’t see the doctor as often you should (ironic considering you were in med school), and about how you never took time to relax, always jumping from one task to the next. 

You slumped against the passenger seat of Jay’s truck, exhausted after working for thirty hours straight, ten at each of your jobs. “Okay, seriously, you can’t keep living like this. I have a spare room, I can get you a civilian job at my precinct. You are wearing yourself to the bone. Please, Y/N.”

“I get my residency assignment tomorrow. I quit today.”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“All of them?”

“All three.”

“And you’ll move out of your apartment?”

“Nope.” Popping the ‘p’. Jay sighed and shook his head, before looking at your half-asleep form. “I’ll take you to the shithole you call a home.”

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TWO YEARS LATER

Jumping up and down you waited for Jay to open the door. The envelopes sitting on his coffee table glaring at you. You flopped onto his couch (that didn’t also double as a bed) and huffed impatiently. Fidgeting.

The door opened and you jumped up, startling your best friend. His cop/ranger instincts taking over. He stiffly dropped his jacket and yanked out his gun before aiming it for your head. Panic coursed through you, tightening your chest. Reflexively you put up your hands, not able to control the words that bubbled out of your throat. “I’m bulletproof... But please don’t shoot me.” Jay lowered his gun, laughing. “‘Bulletproof’? Really?”

“Hey, I panicked, shut up.”

“What’re you doing here, anyway? I thought you were taking another shift?”

“I was, but then Sarah’s plans fell through so she decided to take her shift back, plus I got my fellowship applications back!”

“Where did you get accepted?!”

“I don’t know I was waiting for you to get back to open them!”

“Well I’m here now, so open them!” 

“Okay, okay, here we go; Honolulu general, accepted, Seattle Grace, no, but they had a bomb blow up there recently so I’m not heartbroken, Chicago med, yes, and Miami Dade Memorial, yes. Okay 3/4, that’s great! What do you think?”

“Well I’m biased, so Chicago Med, but it would be fun to visit you in Hawaii.” 

“Hawaii is so expensive though, I’d probably have to have a part-time job to make rent.”

“In a decent apartment this time.”

“Two part-time jobs, then. So Hawaii is out, now Miami... It is hot there, beaches, the ocean, the food, but Miami Dade Memorial isn’t very prominent in the research department and the crime rate is awful in the part I’d need to live and work in. I mean I know isn’t a whole lot better but... It would feel a bit like moving from bad to worse, especially on my budget.”

“So that leaves Chicago...”

“It does, but I think I need to find a new place that’s closer to Med and filled with less dug dealers.”

“Please tell me this was a subtle way of asking if you can move in with me.”

“It wasn’t, but now that you bring it up, would that be okay?”

“YES! Oh thank fuck, you’re finally moving out of that rat’s nest! C’mon, let’s go get your stuff now!”

“But Jay I just paid this month’s rent-“

“Let’s gooooooooooo!”

——————————————————————————————————-

FOUR MONTHS LATER

Because your apartment was in such a “great location” (in the same building as three drug dealers) your landlord was willing to give half of your rent back. It had only taken you twenty-something minutes to pack your things and leave. Now you were starting your surgical OB/GYN fellowship, excited to not be working multiple jobs at once for the first time since you were twelve. While Jay’s brother, Will, worked at Med as well he worked in the ED while you worked in the gynecology unit and you were thankful you only had to work together for consults or in an all hands on deck situation because he could be a fucking prick. When you first met him years ago he spent two hours quizzing your medical knowledge, and he got annoyed when you got everything right and he couldn’t correct you. So when you got a consult from him your first week there, you were apprehensive. “Hey Y/N, treatment room four.”

“Thanks, Maggie.” You pushed back the curtain and were met with the sight of a pregnant woman clearly in immense pain and a frustrating ginger. “Dr. Asher is her OB but we can’t find her anywhere. She was on-call but I, and a couple of nurses, and her secretary have been blowing up her phone and we’ve got nothing back. This is her patient Sienna. She’s in a lot of pain but is refusing painkillers, you’ve been working with her a lot lately-“ You snorted. His facial expression hardened. “Just come out and say it Y/L/N.”

“First of all it’s doctor Y/L/N, second of all, I haven’t been ‘working’ with her, I’ve been taking care of ‘her’ patients because she’s almost never at work. She just cancels the appointments short notice and since these women are kind of on a timeline their appointments get reassigned to other doctors. She’s listed as their doctor on all the forms but she’s never even met half of them. Sienna is the only patient that Dr. Asher has seen more than once.” 

“Don’t talk about her like that, you don’t know-“

“That she’s an addict? The entire OB floor knows we just don’t have enough proof to do anything about it. And don’t get me wrong, I know that there’s a lot of genetic components to addiction and I would be sympathetic if she wasn’t responsible for multiple lives at a time on a daily basis.” You turned on your heel and entered the room, done with Will Halstead and his bullshit. “Hi Sienna, my name is Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, and I’ll be filling in for Dr. Asher, I understand that you don’t want any drugs and while that’s fine, if your condition gets bad enough we may have to intervene but we’ll do everything we can for you and your baby, okay?”

“Where’s Dr. Asher? I need her here, she understands!”

“Okay, we’re still trying to find her okay?”

—————————————————————————————————

“So I heard that you and my brother locked horns today.”

“Your brother is a prick.”

“I know that he is, I’m just wondering what happened this time.”

“He’s doing this weird ethical-puppy love-guilt trippy-Romeo and Juliet level of doomed-unnecessary drama-thing going on and it’s completely affecting how he treats his patients. We already had one loose cannon we couldn’t disarm, now we have another. It’s come to the point that I’m genuinely worried about the patients that come into Med, and I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry, I wish there was something I could do.”

“Just try not to antagonize Will, okay? He’s more on edge and that makes him erratic, I would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t make it worse.”

“Okay. I’ll leave him alone.”

“Thank you. I’m starving, what should we do for dinner?”

“Vietnamese is on the way.”

“Have I told you how amazing you are today?”

“Yes, but I would love to hear it again.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Asher’s medical negligence had finally caught up with her, and for once Will wasn’t even remotely involved. He and Asher were having one of their silent spats again when Asher dropped the ball, or baby rather, during an emergency c-section of a patient she misdiagnosed and mistreated because she was in need of a fix. The only reason the mother didn’t hemorrhage and baby didn’t crack his skull was because of your observations and quick reflexes. The baby was healthy and mom was recovering and you were fuming. After scrubbing out you approached the, understandably distressed, father and told him that on your best medical opinion he and his wife should file a malpractice suit for missing an easy and obvious diagnosis, screwing up a routine surgery, and almost killing his son seconds after he was born.

You met with him, his lawyer and Asher two days later in a conference room with Goodwin and Peter the Stressed Out Lawyer. You accused her of having an addiction. The father requested a drug test. Goodwin glared, you glared back. If she didn’t want it handled like this then she should have dealt with it months ago when you brought it up your second week at Med. She tried to approach you in the hall, condescension on the tip of her tongue when you levelled her with a glare so fierce it rivalled that of Godzilla. “You do not get to scold me like I am a child. I told you when I first got here that she has a problem. That she is a danger to everyone who comes into her care. That she is a danger to other doctors. That she is a liability. Do not bitch to me when I told a husband and father who almost his wife and son to her recklessness to sue. To get angry and fight back. Do not take that petty, catty, condescending tone with me because I went around you. You have absolutely no ground to stand on. Because. You. Were. Wrong.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were surprised you had a job to come back to the next day. So was a very pissed off and ‘heartbroken’ Will Halstead. He kept running around to your colleagues, badmouthing you, trying to get them to join in and turn on you, but that didn’t happen. They not only agreed with you but rallied around you. Doctors are not gods. They do not get to ignore a patient’s wishes or act like they don’t have restrictions and limitations. It came to the point that Will told Jay he didn’t approve of you and that he had to dump you... Despite the fact that you weren’t dating.

Jay had rolled his eyes and pushed Will out of the apartment before giving you a hug and made you pancakes for dinner. “I’m sorry that I messed up your relationship with Will.”

“Don’t be. We’re brothers, we fight from time to time, and sometimes those fights are bigger than others and that’s okay. Will, well Halsteads in general, are pretty good at torpedoing any and all romantic relationships.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“My parents only got married cause my mom got knocked up and fought non-stop, Will was and still is in love with Natalie but he was too controlling, secretive, and refused to tell her about Burke, and me... Lindsay and I were on a break before we left because my Vegas wife refused to divorce me and I didn’t tell her I had even been to Vegas.”

“Okay, so maybe it’s a little true, but it’s not because you’re bad people or  Even just saying ‘yes there’s something going on but I don’t feel ready to talk about it with you’ would go a long way. Cause all you Halstead guys say is that you’re fine but you never are and if you lie to yourself you lie to your partner.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. And tell Will when his head is surgically removed from Asher’s ass. You’ve seen that he follows her around like a puppy, right?”

“Yup, everyone on the OB floor has been talking about it nonstop since he started his whatever it was with Asher.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

Because of the suit, the hospital conducted an internal investigation in relation to Dr. Asher that pretty much everyone could confirm. Erratic behaviour and attendance, leaving other doctors to tend to her patients while keeping her name on the case files, and horrifying evidence of being high while working. Granted that had only happened twice and she literally just sat in her office staring at paperwork the whole time. Still, she was fired, the suit was settled, and Asher lost her license. You had destroyed her career and while there was a part of you that felt guilty, you knew that in the end she did the right thing. She refused help and kept carrying on in a way that would have been detrimental to more patients if other doctors hadn’t stepped in. Will still wasn’t talking to you and had started avoiding Jay recently because you two started dating.

Barring the tension from all the Will stuff, your relationship was doing well. You had great dates (both out and at the apartment), were radiating happiness together, and Jay was taking your words about communication to heart. Not once has the phrase ‘I’m fine’ dripped off of his lips. If he didn’t want to tell you something or was more comfortable talking about it with his therapist or Upton before you he’d let you know. Most times he would just talk about what was bothering him, even if it was only bullet points sometimes you both felt relieved that functional relationships were actually possible. 

You were on a date with Jay at your favourite Jamaican restaurant when you ran into Hannah Asher. She did not look pleased to see you and quite honestly you could have lived the rest of your life happily if you never had to see her again. After a few seconds of glaring at you and your boyfriend, an annoying ginger put his arm around her. “Hi Will. How are you?”

“My girlfriend and I are doing well Jacob.”

“Really Will? You’re using my whole name because my-”

“Okay, you know what? Let’s go our separate ways. It looked like you guys were just leaving, and we’re probably confusing our poor hostess. So let’s both just walk away.”

“You ruined my life.”

“Asher-”

“You took everything from me!”

“Do you have any idea how many patients you almost killed in your time at Med? Because I do, and it’s a triple-digit number. You shouldn’t have been practicing in your condition and you know it. So you need to drop the victim act and walk away.” You saw her face contort into complete and utter rage, then everything is hazy. There were lights, bright red ones, and screaming, you were pretty sure Jay was there, and there was... Copper? Why did your mouth feel like it was full of liquid pennies? There was gurgling, was there a baby? Were they okay? You tried to speak, get up, look around, but you were too tired. You were begging yourself to move, to do something, but it felt like your bones turned into melting iron.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You didn’t remember waking up, or falling asleep for that matter, you were just looking at the glass door and suddenly it came into focus. You didn’t even know how you got to the ED, what happened at the restaurant. Dr. Choi entered your room apprehensively. “Y/L/N? How are you feeling?”

“Like I was mauled by a tiger.”

“That’s... Actually pretty close to what happened, honey.”

“Jay?”

“Hey, I’m right here. So, what’s the prognosis Choi?”

“Multiple contusions on the right side of the abdomen, lower back and around your neck, multiple lacerations all over your abdomen, forearms, and two on your head. Your liver was also perforated, we couldn’t stop the bleeding so we had to remove half of it, which you know means it’ll take a couple of months to grow back and you won’t be able to drink for around a year. We’re going to need to monitor you and run some tests, so you’re gonna be here for a few days.”

“Well I should hope so. What? Why are you two looking at me like I have eight heads? I could’ve died.”

“... You actually want to stay in the hospital and be cared for by your colleagues?”

“I trust you, besides I’ll only make things worse if I check myself out AMA, doesn’t matter how good of a doctor I am. It’ll be hard and I’m not going to enjoy it, but I have to stay here and get treated regardless so I might as well be as positive as I can about it.”

“You are officially my favourite patient.”

“And I love you even more.”

“Thanks guys, I appreciate it.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What happened Jay? I don’t remember anything after telling her to walk away.”

“She went berserk. Attacked you. I tried to pull her off but Will lost his mind, telling me not to hurt her. I managed to toss him after a couple of seconds but I was too late. She’d already slashed you up and stabbed you twice. I grabbed her but she managed to get a bunch of kicks in while I was hauling her away from you all while screaming that she was going to kill you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you. She’s sitting in a cell at the 21st right now with Platt breathing down her neck. We also did a drug test on her, she was high as all hell.”

“Please don’t feel bad Jay, I know that you reacted as fast and did as much as you could. And I know that Will did what he could to stop you. How is Will by the way?”

“He’s in the cell next to hers. He assaulted a police officer and was an accomplice in assault. Voight’s been asking if I want to drop the charges against him because he’s my brother. And I just don’t know, I wanted to talk to you first.”

“I don’t want to charge him. And I don’t want you to press charges either, but I won’t stop you if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want him to go to jail, I want him to go to therapy. He needs it.”

“I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, but he really does. And I think you need to be the one to bring it up with him. We can do some research, too, and find psychiatrists that have their own practices so that it’s not connected to the hospital at all.”

“That sounds like a great idea, but I think you mean I do the research cause you are supposed to be resting and not doing any physically or mentally strenuous tasks.”

“Fine, fine. Just give Will a hug from me when you see him.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ONE YEAR LATER

The day of the trial had finally arrived and you were pissed off about it. The date of the trial was the same day as your due date. The defence had done everything they could to delay the trial, and when they finally settled on the worst possible day three weeks ago, you’d tried to have it delayed again because you didn’t want to give birth in a courtroom. The defence had convinced the judge to deny it, so here you were, sitting in a sweltering room that smelled like old wood and seventies carpet for five hours beside your husband behind the district attorney doing your best not to glare at the judge. “It’s going to be okay, honey, she won’t get away with anything, it’s cut and dry. The only real thing to do is to determine her sentence.” Jay kissed your forehead and placed his hand on top of yours on your protruding stomach. You winced. “She just kicked again, Jay.”

“That’s seven minutes apart.”

“I’m in labour, we need to go.” Jay nodded to your lawyer who motioned to the judge for permission to speak. “Your honour, my client is in labour, may we adjourn so that she and her husband can go to the hospital?”

“Objection your honour!”

“Ms. Asher, do not interrupt the prosecution. I’ve heard and seen more than enough evidence. Ms. Asher, you are hereby sentenced to twenty-five years in prison for aggravated assault and attempted murder. The court now is adjourned. Oh, and Dr. Y/L/N and detective Halstead? Congratulations.”

[thatsbrookie]

Life update!~

I haven't posted in a long time. I have a good bit that I could write about, but I really just want to write about my recent employment. I always think it's interesting after being at a job for an extended period of time to look back on your initial thoughts on everything. So that's what I want to do, for future me! We have been in St Paul for 8 months.. 8 months. I have had a very emotionally taxing time putting out countless applications and not hearing anything back. Very very discouraging and stressful, but I won’t get into the details of that right now. Anyway.. I FINALLY get an interview/stage opportunity! I got a call from the head chef on Friday the 22nd, calling me in for Wednesday the 27th at 12 PM.  I got there at 11:37 AM. I sat in my car for a couple minutes.. nervous as hell. Got out of my car at 11:41 AM and headed inside with my knife roll. There was a tall lady that asked me if I had a reservation. I told her that I had a stage and my name is Brooke. She went back to the kitchen for a short amount of time, came back, and told me Chef Leonard would be with me shortly. I sat at the bar and a dude named Daniel asked me if I wanted water. Leonard came out and led me to the basement to show me where I could put my coat. He was moderately intimidating. He didn't act like a cocky asshole or anything, but the way he spoke made me immediately feel like he deserved my respect. Made me a little shy and timid. I tried not to let my insecurity show. He had sleeves of badass tattoos on each arm. Loved them. Anyway, back upstairs he brought me around to a prep area and asked me to start thinly slicing radishes, then taking half of those radishes and shredding them into chiffonade. I stayed in my spot, doing my prep work, people circulating around me. Nearly everyone introduced themselves to me, but I was so nervous, their names went in one ear and out the other. There was a guy with red hair and a mohawk. He told me he is originally from Temple, Texas (I'm 90% positive that's where he said) and he's very proud to be from Texas. Another guy who is a sous chef who had very attractive, kind eyes. I liked him. He went to Le Cordon Bleu, MN and graduated in 2014 (which is the same year I graduated from Le Cordon Bleu, TX). He did some prep work beside me for a bit and we made nice conversation. He cut the fuck out of that cauliflower. He's been working there for 5-6 years. Another guy instructed me on some of my prep work. He seemed very outgoing and goofy. But not too much goofy in an annoying way. I liked his humor. Later on a very tall guy came in. Longish hair. I never talked to him. There was another guy who spoke to me a little, not much, mostly to the dishwasher guy. He and the dishwasher dude spoke spanish in their conversations with each other. They seemed to have a good relationship. Oh, dishwasher dude was nice, btw. He spoke to me a bit and was very polite.  I think there was two or three other people that came in? But they went straight to the front and didn't speak to me After I finished my radishes, scallions, green onions, rosemary, dill, and parsley prep, I went to the line to work with teasers. I met with a super cool dude who loves his pantry station. He slowly showed me how to do 4 teasers. Then I had to replicate all 4 by myself. You can tell he has experience with training people; I like the way he spoke to me. East Fried Pride, Bubba's Gump, Blues, Bacon and Eggs. I think I did well except I mixed up the order of the avo puree and hot jam on the bacon and eggs teaser. And I feel like I maybe undercooked the shrimp a bit for the Bubba's Gump. I brought my teasers to chef Leonard. He looked over my plating and asked me to sit up front, try the teasers to understand the flavors, and we'd talk. I tried the teasers (Blues was my favorite) then I went to pee (Omg first time I've been alone. I'm literally shaking. Holy shit. I've been watched for hours. *soak my nervous sweat with toilet paper*) I came back out to sit at the same booth, Chef came out and we had a short interview. He asked me about my 5-year plans, my experience, etc. Normal interview stuff. He offered me a job and I excitedly accepted. Full time, 35-42 hours a week. Paid bi-weekly. ALSO health benefits available after 6 months, wtf?! That's amazing. I have never worked a job in the culinary industry with health benefits. There are so many interesting foods and unique ingredients that I worked with that I have absolutely NO experience with. That's super intimidating. But also exciting how much I have to learn. I love playing with new foods, trying new things, and learning new techniques. Gosh, I am really hoping this job is a good fit for me. Greg and I have our wonderful relationship, cute little house in a city that we love.. everything is coming together. The icing on the cake would be to have a rewarding, enriching job cooking in a wonderful restaurant I'm genuinely excited and passionate about.. I feel so motivated to succeed. And I really hope that I can develop good relationships with my co-workers. Hopefully they'll benefit from a little estrogen to break up the stink of their sausage party lol

[orange-waterfalls]

Reader w/wings hc's p.2: lesser- known egos/egos i just didn’t wanna put in the last one

ty @fancybootm for the request!

A/N: IT’S BEEN A WHOLE ASS MONTH SINCE I GOT THIS I AM SO FUCKING SORRY. school is suck. anyways. my brain convinced itself that I had to have the same amount of egos in this one as the last one so shit's long again. I had a bit of trouble but scrounged up enough of them. uhhh I don't... we don't really know a lot? about the personalities of these ones? so I just went with what I thought. for Heistiplier, I like to think Mark in AHWM and ADWM is a completely separate person from Actor. Like until we get to the Actor timeline he is a separate person altogether. Night Guard Mark is like mark from the fnaf musical because i can and fuck you. the egos are very random and from many lesser known videos so uh. you might not know all of them. I didn’t even know all of them at first. some of these fuckers annoy me to no end so I had to make them more likable for my own sanity cjfufydy. I only skimmed through after I wrote so it might suck lol. Uh rated T for cursing. Mentions of religion and mental health. Enjoy!

Y/N(reader) w/ wings headcanons p.2

Ed Edgar saw you as a profiting opportunity.

Bastard only uses you for commercials at first

Wings sell shit, don’t they? Kids are into wings these days?

One day you get pissed and just punch him

He respects you after that…

He’s very loud, of course, and your ears tend to be sensitive

He tries to quiet down when he sees you make a face

It’s difficult because that… that’s just his normal volume

He talks about his son sometimes. Not to you specifically

He gets sad… you still don’t completely understand what happened.

Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t either

You instinctively wrap your wings around him for Safety and Comfort

He is a MAN who DOES NOT CRY but goddammit, he was close 

He enjoys your company

The Silver Shepherd thought he was gonna rescue you

He’s a superhero, he HAS to save you, right?

Nah, you’re the one saving him more often than not

He tries not to be jealous, but goddamn

Your wings are just. So big. And pretty

He’ll complain to you about his girlfriend “cheating” on him

You know the bullshit he pulls, but you listen because why not

He appreciates that you at least pay a little bit of attention

He doesn’t do a whole lot of hero work, but he usually brings you along

Just for a bit of extra support

More often than not, you’re doing most of the work

You let him believe he did something, though

You boost his very low ego, and so you get along

Derek Derekson was a little bitch

Also saw you as a profiting opportunity

Yelled sometimes when you messed up

You took deep breaths and tried to stay calm the first few times

Then you snapped, calling him a variety of... words...

He stopped yelling at you, but not much else changed

You got along well with Eric, and he appreciated you for that

He does care about his only living son, at least a little

You two don’t… talk a lot

He’ll watch you from afar, occasionally

You constantly encourage him to TALK TO HIS CHILD and GO TO THERAPY

You still don’t like him, and he feels the same way

But he’s… trying

Randall Voorhees thought you were badass

He wasn’t as used to magic and weird shit as the others

You were absolutely awesome to him

He’d never seen an angel before!

Even though he didn’t really KNOW that you were an angel

He just assumed and refused to change his mind

Harder to hide you wings in crowded cities, like where he lives

You spend a lot of your time with him cooped up in his apartment

He felt bad, so he rents a mountain cabin up in Albany whenever you visit

You two ski and snowboard look me in the eyes and tell me the bitch isn’t a snowboarder

He’s a construction worker, so he’s usually busy

You visit him on his lunch break sometimes.

The other workers claim to see you, but he’ll always deny it

He buys a pizza whenever you visit and you eat it together

You two are so cute it’s sickening

Yandereplier claimed you as their new senpai

They saw you, you had wings, you were nice

And now you are Senpai

You aren’t sure why you get a weird feeling whenever they call you this

Luckily, you don’t have many friends, at least none that they could kill…

They showed you their weapon collection to impress you

You were scared and also impressed

They take you to a cherry blossom tree near their house

You talk and hang out and eat lunch

They don’t call you senpai anymore and they talk to you normally

And you no longer stare at the blood on their uniform

Night Guard Mark prayed you wouldn’t try to kill him

He might have PTSD from Freddy Fazbear’s

Those animatronics left a mark…

It took a little while for him to trust you not to harm him

When he did, HOO BOY is he a chatterbox

He has so many theories about the Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Chain

Dark’s told you not to talk about the actual lore. It might break his spirit

You get very worried sometimes

He looks like that one picture of Charlie Day. You know the one.

Sometimes he gets panic attacks

You wrap him in a cocoon of your limbs and wings to ground him

He likes you for that

You hang out, playing games and watching movies. No horror. Absolutely NONE

You can handle him, and he likes you

Dr. Plier was curious about you

He wondered how you felt about… everything

He asked if you were ok one day and you broke down

He felt guilty and bought you ice cream

He sees you as a sort of… psychological experiment

Like he asks you very strange and slightly personal questions

Ok, very personal, but he’s a therapist, what can you do

He eventually stopped the interrogation and talked to you normally

You get along fine, but it’s kind of the same situation as Dr. Iplier

Chef Iplier wasn’t really all that phased

You were surprised by this because… well… wings

But he just… treats you normal, for the most part.

Sometimes he’ll pet your wings, but only if you let him

He loves how soft your feathers are

He doesn’t make that his entire perception of you

It’s a nice change of pace

He tries to cook for you sometimes, but uh. It doesn’t go well

You’re still confused as to how someone can set a glass of water on fire

You mostly just order take out

You hang out like normal people

Which neither of you are, but you’re both fine with that

Paranormal Investigator Mark is obsessed with figuring you out

Nearly had a panic attack when he first saw you

He wanted to prove the supernatural exists, but he didn’t have a lot of evidence before

And then your mystical-ass came along

Like the Jims, he tried to get pictures, and they all ended up blurry

He threw a fit over it, and you felt kinda bad

You tried to take the picture yourself but it came out the same

He gave up after a while

He info dumps about paranormal stuff to you

It can last from 5 minutes to 5 hours

You do pay attention though, and that makes him happy

He takes you on investigations sometimes

You don’t do much except break shit with those giant wings of yours

He stopped taking you on investigations

Cooliplier is not sure what to think

You have wings! Great! There’s absolutely nothing he can do about that

Not the most normal, but not the weirdest either

He tends to put on a tough-guy persona around new people

You were a lil intimidated

Then you became friends and mans did a full 180 around you

Went from “Your daughter calls me daddy too” to “I’ll have her home by 9 sir”

His personality is sort of a mix of the two

Catch you both screaming the lyrics to Mr. Brightside at 12:00 am

Took you to a mosh pit once

You got kicked out cause of the wings

He felt bad, but you had fun

He teaches you how to dance and roller skate

You also go for rides on his motorcycle

Once you just started flying while he was driving and it was the most fun shit ever

You’re “buds”, as he often tells you

Goopiplier likes you a lot

They like having another not-completely-human creature to talk to

I mean, some of the others aren’t exactly human…

But they’re not the best conversationalists…

Then again, neither is goop.

They mention the Dark Gods ONCE and suddenly no one wants to talk to them…

But you do!! Yay!!!

You mostly just hang out, do whatever

Watch movies, play games, or just talk

They like to draw you

They’re not very good, but you keep them all anyways

Sometimes they do… rituals. While you’re around

You are… a little scared, but that’s okay!

You have sleepovers and act like teenagers

You mock the others and then giggle, getting louder as you go

They’re not that funny, but you had to be there

Elder Jeremiah is terrified of you

He nearly pissed his pants when he saw you

He thought he was finally going to have to pay for his sins

He started crying, and you panicked

Why the FUCK was this 20-something-year-old well-dressed man crying at you???

He dropped his bike and fell to his fucking knees and begged for forgiveness

You felt very uncomfortable with the whole situation

You told him to get up bc he was dirtying up his pants

He eventually stopped crying and you told him you were not an angel

Also not a demon, as you said when he asked

He avoids you, mostly, still thinking you’re gonna drag him down to hell

He stopped the uh. The stealing since you came around

He will hang around/with you sometimes to see if you “reveal your true form”

You haven’t yet, and never will, BUT WHEN YOU DO, HE’LL BE THERE

He does think you’re very nice, though

Preistiplier thinks you’re an angel sent to assist him

He is doing holy work, it only makes sense that He would send a helper

He was disappointed, to say the least

He then came to the conclusion that you lost your memory of being an angel

You couldn’t exactly dispute it, since you don’t remember

So, he takes you on hunts

You don’t do much except make a bunch of fucking NOISE with your WINGS

He’d hoped you’d smite the demons

Or at least scare them, but they know you’re not an angel

He still takes you on hunts because, he’d never admit it, but he… gets scared

You promised not to tell a soul

You confess your sins to him sometimes

They’re usually not what he considers sins, but he listens anyways

He thinks you are a good person, and he enjoys conversations with you

Heistiplier was just normal around you

Well… as normal as he can be

You’d enjoy his company a lot more if he didn’t have such a god complex

You still like him a lot

He likes you too

Even if you did refuse to rob a bank with him

He’s a very… exciting person

Though you don’t really want to be around him when he gets upset

The entire world literally seems to revolve around what he does

He’s a drama queen, and completely feral

It’s worrying at times

You two are normal friends

Playing video games, watching youtube, etc. etc.

You listen to his stories and wonder how he's not dead yet

But you can admit, he's really fucking funny

[maerenee930]

random thoughts.

Heads up for anyone who reads this!

tw - mentions of depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts! also mentions of weight and unhealthy eating habits. just talking about poor mental and physical health, body imagine issues, low self esteem, dissociation and derealization. also, i swear quite a bit! just a heads up.

my thoughts are all over the place right now so i apologize if this doesn’t make much sense and i’m sorry if i jump around. also, i’m sorry for typos and grammar errors.

so as a lot of you know, i lost my job back in may. pretty suddenly too. and that a few days after i officially stopped watching my little dude that my suicidal thoughts were starting to come back. not as bad as they were last year. but enough to take me back a bit and mess with me.

i’ll be totally honest, last year my bruceman (idk if i mentioned it before but the little guy i took care of is named bruce. and i call him bruceman because of holy musical b@man when bruce wayne calls himself that a few times. anyway…) was one of my big reasons to stay. and while that job wasn’t going to be my forever job, losing him so quickly and abruptly, just did a number on me mentally and emotionally.

i was losing a big piece of my life really fast and it still really hurts. he was one of my reasons to stay because i was needed. i felt needed and it was nice to know he did need me. i know i have many many reasons to stay. i just, right now i feel so disconnected from everything and from a lot of people. my dissociation and derealization has been so bad lately 😣 i feel like i’m kinda losing myself again and no matter how much i try and remind myself my thoughts are not facts, battling those thoughts are so tough and tiring 😞

i don’t have any plans and don’t plan on doing anything! i just… i’m really kinda struggling right now. finding a new job is making my anxiety awful. i know i’ll be alright and this is good for me and i’m growing and changing and all of this is going to help me, but i’m scared as hell. i just feel useless and at the moment, directionless. i know what i wanna do but that’s not realistic. i wanna act or sing professionally. but again, not realistic and being the bigger person i am, yeah probably not gonna happen.

started going to a new doctor and she asked me if i would consider going to a weight loss clinic. oh and then in my first visit shortly after i told her that i lost my job, she told me i should join a gym 😑 yes, with the money i don’t have let me just join a gym, my weight is at the top of my list right now of things to take care of. she also at my last appointment said “well i see the weight is still an issue” well what the fuck did you expect to happen? it had only been a few weeks, did you think i was gonna suddenly lose a fuck ton of weight in that time? healthily i might add! fuck.

so that hasn’t been helping anything. i feel really disgusting and gross, i’m ashamed of my curves and fat. i feel truly ugly and unattractive. i know i have worth and outer beauty does not define me but it does make a big impact on your self esteem and mental health. and because i’ve felt so shitty about how i look, i really haven’t been caring about how i eat so that’s not helping anything and i just feel like i’m fucking obnoxious and whiny and annoying 😣

my stupid fucking period hasn’t come yet and i was supposed to start a few days ago! i know stress isn’t helping anything at all but it’s messing with my damn emotions and it’s so frustrating! my head is all over the place right now and i just really wish i could get out of my own head for more than a few minutes you know?

and i feel so alone. and i am genuinely very sorry for sounding like a broken record once again 😓 i miss liking someone and them knowing i like them and i miss them feeling the same way about me, i miss flirting, i miss the cutesy shit that comes with it. i also just need cuddles and snuggles and idk… i know poor self esteem isn’t an attractive quality in a future significant other 😣 i just really miss it.

i also just feel like i’ve really let myself down by being somewhat back in the same state of mind i was last year. i was doing so well for so long and i feel like all that progress has been erased because i am here again 😞

i also feel like i don’t have anyone to lean on because this is all so stupid and i shouldn’t be putting all my stupid shit on everyone. my stupid brain loves to make me feel like i can’t ask for the people i know are there for me to actually be there for me because they have their own stuff going on, their stuff is more important and i just shouldn’t be bothering them with this. also, there’s no reason why i can’t handle all of this myself. you know? like those thoughts really have been getting to me lately 😓

but anyway… i’m hoping i can start writing more and that’ll help give me something else to focus on when i start to feel shitty.

i’m very sorry for putting all of this on here i just really needed to get it all out. i was talking about it with my mom and just didn’t feel like keeping it all inside.

and again, i’m so so so so very sorry for sounding like a broken record 😣😓

[jungle321jungle]

Ten of Swords- Level Four: Resurrection and Friendly Fire

The world of Swords of Power and Conquest was one Virgil dove head first into, giving his soul and life to the game. He would play whenever he could, and had even decided he wanted to go into game design. At times he had even dreamt of how wonderful it would be to be inside that world for even a moment- until that world became his reality.

The familiar world he had come to love was now a foreign prison, one with no way out.

A Log Horizon AU. If you don’t know what that is, this is a Show Better Than SAO AU. If you still don’t know, the sides get trapped in a video game.

Taglist: @angels-and-dreams @ollyollyoxinfree @gattonero17 @chumo-cookie @dreaming-always @anxiety-ismy-name @mrbubbajones @janustheliar @why-do-you-care

Ao3 - Masterlist

Level Four: Resurrection and Friendly Fire

Virgil came to with a large and almost painful gasp.

He sat up quickly, hands grasping at his own body in a mix of dying fear and disbelief. He forced himself to take a few deep breaths and closed his eyes. Anything to calm his quick beating heart. When he had he opened his eyes and looked around the familiar scene of the in-game hospital. At the foot of his bed stood an NPC woman in a nurse’s uniform who gave him a smile, “I hope you are feeling better sir, the doctors worked very hard to fix you up and their pay has already been deducted from your account. Before you leave, would you like to purchase some health potions?”

Virgil blinked a few times before shaking his head. “No- no I’m fine.” With that said he stood to his feet and took another deep breath.

The others.

Shit. Shit. Shit . They were all still fighting. He couldn’t afford to stay here. He hurried for the hospital’s exit as he focused in on Dee in hopes of sending a message. It seemed to take too long but then he got the sound of connection.

“Dee?”

“Oh thank God!” Dee’s voice shouted from the other side. “I- Logan I don't care about your hypotheses or what you did or didn’t confirm! I hadn't seen anyone di- can you just- damnit Logan! Can you please just focus on the fucking monster!?”

Virgil couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled out a teleport crystal, “Don’t kill it till I get there. I think I figured something out before I died.”

They weren’t doing well when Virgil returned.

HP was low across the board. Roman was in the red with Logan, Patton and Dee in the yellow- no and now Dee had joined Roman. And to make things worse, given Patton was fighting instead of healing he must be out of mana. “Drink some potions idiots!” Virgil shouted as he approached.

“See we would do that if we weren’t being attacked every five seconds!” Roman screeched back dodging a hit.

“It took you long enough!” Dee shouted, keeping his crossbow trained on the monster waiting for his shot. But he kicked over the reverted sword as his feet. “You’re a scrap picker dumbass, you should know not to die with the good stuff in your hands!”

Virgil gave a slight laugh as he picked up the sword and watched it return to a dadao. “Won’t happen again.”

“What did you figure out?” Logan asked, coming over, downing a potion as he did.

“Combinations and lags,” Virgil answered. “Well it’s more a theory. I need to try again first. Roman, let's do that again!”

“Don’t die this time!” Patton called.

“I’ll take his place,” Logan decided, moving forward.

Virgil gave a nod and rushed toward the fight. Patton was doing well enough with his short sword, he seemed to be pretty nimble and able to dodge well. Good traits for a healer. Roman’s HP meanwhile was getting lower.

“Where’s Remus?” Virgil called as they approached.

“He died a minute ago!” Roman called back as he fell back and Logan rushed in to take his spot. “So we're doing this again?”

“We need to position ourselves at its back while they keep the front occupied. I won’t die in one hit that way.”

“Just do it quickly please!” Patton called.

Virgil took a deep breath and then he and Roman were running. Roman planted himself facing the opposite direction of the yino and Virgil ran past him. Then when he was far enough away he readied himself.

The yino still had 35% left.

But if this worked that wouldn’t matter. They could kill hit. He could kill it. All he had to do was-

He was running. Sprinting. And then it was a combo sprint. He couldn’t stop the smile on his face as the world became a blur, and then he was jumping before he jumped. It didn’t make sense in theory- but the timing worked. And he was using Roman’s shield as a springboard launching towards the monster. Virgil forced his body to twist as he brought his sword round. And then he swung a moment early and brought his sword down through the monster’s neck.

With no way to slow his momentum Virgil crashed to the ground and rolled on the other side. It hurt- but compared to earlier and the joy he was feeling in that moment it didn’t matter. He hurriedly pulled himself to his feet and turned just in time to watch the yino topple. The beast collapsed to the ground with a heavy thud. And then moments later it burst into ash and was gone. Leaving only the loot behind.

Virgil was still standing staring in shock and disbelief when a body crashed into his, sending him back down to the ground. But Patton laughed as they fell, and Virgil couldn’t help but laugh too.

“Holy shit that worked!” Roman cheered from elsewhere.

“How did you do that?” Logan’s voice demanded.

Virgil pulled himself to his feet before he gave Patton a hand up which he took. “Any combination needs to be inputted before it’s acted on. There’s a lag. I don’t know how to explain moving before you move but it- it works.”

Logan looked more annoyed than pleased at the information, but instead his focus shifted to what they had earned. “Well you killed it Anthony, I suppose you get the first pick of the items and then the rest is distributed evenly?”

When no one argued Virgil stepped forward to look at the items. A few monster parts, two swords- one with pretty decent stats- gold, and other miscellaneous items. After a pause Virgil took the sword he had been holding and placed it in his inventory before selecting one from the ground. Dee was right, he was being stupid to use his highest level item right then, especially if he didn’t trust the group he was with. He had been lucky Dee was the one who picked it up and not someone else.

“This is what I want,” he announced. “How should we split the rest?”

~~~~

“Why did you wait till I died to be all cool?” Remus complained. “I was having fun Tony! Not to mention your death was way cooler than mine!”

Virgil gave an awkward laugh into his glass of water, “Next time uh, you can have the more painful death.”

“That’s all I ask!”

“I think you’ve had enough to drink Re,” Patton decided, patting Remus on the back.

“I’m- I'm fine!”

“Who knew both of those partying twins were lightweights,” Logan commented, nudging the sleeping Roman with his foot. Virgil chose not to comment on how he was pretty sure that if Logan stood from his spot that the Classy Tactician would immediately trip over his long cloak and fall down the hill they were sitting on top of.

“I think we’ve all had enough,” Patton amended taking Remus’ mug.

“You and Virgil didn’t drink any!” Remus challenged, but he laid down anyway.

“Because we’re gonna be on watch. Also I’m too young to drink.”

“It’s a game, who cares?”

“How old are all of you?” Logan asked curiously. “If you’re too young to drink you’re a lot younger than I thought.”

“I’m nineteen,” Patton answered easily. “You?”

Logan’s eyebrows knit in confusion as he replied slowly, “I’m... twenty seven.”

“Oh cool! What about the rest of you?”

“I’m twenty one and Tony is twenty,” Dee answered before Virgil could.

“I’m twenty four... Also I’m twelve minutes older than Roman,” Remus answered but he looked back to Patton and squished Patton’s cheeks between his hands. “More importantly, you’re a fetus!”

Patton gave a slight laugh, “You definitely need to stop drinking. Actually why don’t we all stop and get some sleep like Roman, hm?”

“I am perfectly fine,” Logan disagreed. He moved like he was gonna stand from his spot but he quickly returned to a seated position. “But I am also responsible and will not have another drink.”

“Yeah I’m sure that’s the reason,” Dee laughed.

“It is. The real question however, is why you carry this much alcohol around with you?”

“Tavern’s supply is limited. By taking a large amount of my stock, MannaM is forced to go get more for me.”

“You’re forcing your employee to do more work since you don’t want to do it?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

Logan gave a sigh and he laid back, “You're insufferable.”

“Thank you.”

Virgil rolled his eyes before redirecting his attention to Patton who was smiling satisfied as Remus made himself comfortable to sleep. “I’ll take the first.”

Patton didn’t argue as he too made himself comfortable on the ground, “Okay.”

“You sleep too Sam.”

Dee gave him a dismissive wave, “I don’t sleep when I drink. I’ve learned that the hard way.”

“Maybe it’s different in the game?”

“Doubt it.”

They lapsed into silence leaving Virgil to listen to the sound of the warm night. He could hear bugs, feel breezes, and more than that, he felt relaxed. For the first time since entering this game he actually wasn’t terrified or stressed. Because if there was one thing he knew, it was how to play.

~~~~

The days which followed were more than helpful. Prior to this training to play had been difficult, frustrating, and fruitless, and yet now Virgil knew what to do. With each day that passed he has gained more experience and was getting better- hell at this rate of improvement he could up a level soon. And one by one his party members had done the same.

“Yes!” Dee shouted, pumping a fist in the air. “It worked!”

Virgil couldn’t help but give a slight smile at his business partner’s enthusiasm. “Congrats, you’ve officially learned how to fight.”

Beside Dee, Logan gave a dejected sigh, “I still don’t understand how you all are doing it.”

“Think about it like your keyboard and mouse,” Virgil suggested. “You have to hit every key in the right sequence at the right time for your character to move and for a skill to work. But you need to have the motions in your mind before you do the action. Your mind works faster than your body. So in this version of the game, you need to be doing both at once. You need to be moving and anticipating before it actually works. Does that make sense?”

“No,” Logan deadpanned. “That’s simply how anything works, the concept is not specific to this game.”

“How about thinking about a recipe?” Patton suggested. “In the midst of baking, you gotta make sure you’re still focused on the instructions at the same time as you’re mixing the batter.”

“Once again an unhelpful nonspecific example.”

Patton gave a slight frown in response but before he could reply Logan turned on his heel, his cape flowing behind him as he moved toward the group of weak monsters.

“It’s like dancing!” Roman called after him. “The more you think about the steps, the worse you do!”

“I’ll figure it out on my own,” Logan replied. He drew his sword and moved into a ready stance and Virgil could only sigh in response. It had been a week since the yino fight, and Logan was the only one who couldn’t link skills together. His normal fighting ability could get him through weak monsters like this, but if they really wanted to go after the swords and fight other players and boss monsters... Logan would become no more than dead weight.

Virgil watched him for a while as the others moved off to train on their own, but Virgil couldn’t take his eyes off the scowl on Logan’s face. But after watching him try and fail repeatedly, Virgil forced himself to move closer. “You okay?” Virgil asked as he cautiously approached Logan. The man was hunched over a pile of monster drops and was poking through it with disinterest, but he stood at the question.

“I’m fine,” he replied shortly.

“I-”

“You should be training yourself Tony. Boss battles are far different from scrappicking.”

Virgil clenched his jaw, “I know that. I plan to save my mana for when we move and get near higher level monsters. I need more experience fighting in a party.”

“I’m going further in the woods,” Logan declared. “I’ll be back in time for dinner.”

~~~~

“You can’t force people not to be stubborn, love,” Dee advised. “And we’ve known for years now that Tact is stubborn as hell.”

Virgil gave a sigh of agreement, that much he knew. Logan was undoubtedly one of the most stubborn players he had ever met, but it had done him well as the Tactician. His stern and stubborn attitude kept his emotions out of his work, and his loyalty then went to the highest bidder as opposed to his friends. Virgil gave a shudder as he silently remembered the way he and Logan had first crossed swords on a battlefield. It had been almost two years ago now, Dee had asked him to infiltrate a major guild. Virgil had and when war time came he found their opponents had hired Logan. Initially he had been excited to see the familiar face, he thought maybe they could exchange information. But then Logan instead told his companions every weakness Virgil had and how to quickly defeat him.

“Friends don’t pay, work does,” Logan had told him afterwards.

Dee had given a hearty laugh, “And this is why we’re friends!”

Virgil meanwhile, had only sulked.

“There’s gotta be something I can help Logan with,” Virgil told Dee quietly. “I feel restless not doing anything and-”

“And running the numbers I am more likely to hold you back more than anything,” Logan finished loudly. Virgil’s mouth dropped open to quickly defend himself but Logan didn’t even look surprised or offended. “I understand the line of thinking. I had the same thought.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it kiddo!” Patton tried.

“I am older than you, Patton.”

“You all are! But you’re all still my kiddos.”

“He’s just the natural mom friend,” Remus shrugged. “Hey dad, when will dinner be done?”

Patton gave a beaming smile, “Whenever Virgil cooks it. But... Logan I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”

“It’s not my night to cook,” Virgil said in confusion.

“Well it’s Dee’s so yes it is.”

Virgil gave a curse as he stood (gaining a stern look from Patton) but watched as Patton turned his attention back to Logan. “You can ask for help okay? I know I haven’t been playing for near as long as you, but if there’s something I can do let me know okay?”

Logan didn’t bother with a response.

“Don’t baby him,” Dee said, rolling his eyes. “Let’s-” his next words were cut off as he paused and closed his eyes as if listening. “You sure?” He asked finally. “Alright I’ll be back soon enough.”

“Everything good?” Roman asked.

Dee gave a sharp nod, “Got some new intel that we need to cash in sooner than later. I won’t give details until we get there because I’d like to make sure there aren’t any leaks, no offense. But with that said, I was going to say, Patton you can’t sugar coat this.” He turned to Logan. “Tact you got two days to figure it out and then we are heading to the tavern to move on the mission with or without you. Your choice.”

“Dee!” Patton said quickly. “You can’t just-”

“There’s nothing we can say or do that will make him stop over thinking things, Patts. And now that we know how to play and we’ve got information to move on we need to get moving. It’s not exactly like this game will be easy to beat.”

“Feel free to leave now,” Logan stated. “I don’t exactly need you all to stare and watch me fail. I am very well aware that I am a disappointment.”

“Two days,” Virgil said before anyone else could speak. “That’s an ultimatum for all of us. So let’s get some rest and work more in the morning.”

Two days. Virgil could only hope that was enough.

~~~~

Logan had insisted on spending the day alone. And this time Virgil let him be. Well actually he had intended to go talk to him later, but it seemed Logan’s contained anger had only increased with time so he hadn’t gone and spoken to the older player.

“We leave tomorrow before dinner,” Dee was saying as they all relaxed around the fire. “When we get back we can talk business over food."

No one argued, all agreed. But all eyes were still on Logan, but it seemed staying away from him all day had brought Virgil to a conclusion on what he would have to do.

“Fight me.”

Logan’s annoyed expression didn’t change. “I thought we discussed not fifteen minutes ago at breakfast that I wished to train alone?”

“We did,” Virgil nodded slowly moving to stand further from Logan. “But I need to improve my fighting against other people rather than dealing finishing blows. And you have analyzed me more times than I can count. So, I think we can both benefit. Rather than telling you to stop overthinking I’m telling you to do what you do best.” Virgil drew his sword from his back and got into a ready stance. “Long as you swear not to get too mad if I wipe the floor with you.”

Logan gave scoff, “Fine. I suppose I can let out some frustration on you. Once you’re unable to continue I’ll proceed with my day.”

“I don’t think this a good idea!” Interrupted Patton's voice.  “Can't you just-”

Virgil didn’t turn to look, but he did hear as Remus gave a loud cheer which drowned the last of Patton’s words. And he couldn’t exactly stop the smile which was on his face as Logan readied himself. This would be fun.

~~~~

Level Three - Level Four - Level Five

[maybe-i-dreamt-u]

·       Ronan hasn’t had a nightmare in a very long time

·       Not a real one, at least.

·       I mean yeah maybe from time to time his dreams aren’t just flowers and stars, but he’s been getting much better at controlling these nightmares

·       His mental health is also so much better

·       Yet sometimes

·       Sometimes, things get a little hard, even for Ronan

·       When Adam is so many miles away

·       When Declan and Matthew are happily living their lives in DC

·       When opal is being a dream in her dream forest

·       Ronan might get a little lonely

·       And by a little I mean excruciatingly lonely.

·       Sometimes calling Adam helps

·       Sometimes it doesn’t

·       Sometimes it does the complete opposite

·       Tonight is one of those nights

·       He misses Adam

·       So, so badly

·       It feels like someone drilled a hole into his chest

·       And he can’t fill it up

·       With neither ice cream nor alcohol

·       Maybe calling Adam would help

·       But it’s 12am

·       And Adam has some important test tomorrow

·       So calling him really isn’t an option

·       So Ronan just goes to bed and hopes that he’ll feel better in the morning

·       He could always just go annoy Declan

·       Or he could go see Opal

·       Yeah it’ll be better in the morning

·       Except until then he has to fall asleep

·       And for some reason falling asleep is really hard when you feel so lonely in your big, big, empty house

·       Eventually Ronan does will himself to sleep

·       But oh he was not prepared for what was expecting him on the other side

·       Surprise surprise it’s a night horror

·       First night horror in years

·       And holy fucking shit it’s a big one

·       With too many teeth and claws to count

·       It obvs attacks Ronan

·       But it’s fine cause it’s just a dream, right?

·       WRONG AHAHA YOU THOUGHT

·       Ronan wakes up with a couple new scars and a some blood

·       Nothing too bad

·       It was still just a dream

·       However

·       The scars aren’t the only thing he brings back

·       In the dark corner of his room he hears the too familiar sound

·       You guessed it he brought the night horror back bc he hates himself just that much

·       He manages to move in the last second before the night horror jumps on him and destroys his face

·       They fight a little

·       Ronan somehow manages to kill it before it kills him

·       However he doesn’t get away that easily

·       Because the night horror absolutely shredded his arms

·       His forearms, to be more specific

·       So he goes and puts on some quick bandages

·       Just something very temporary so he can bury the night horror

·       After he does that he takes a very painful shower and puts some more effort in bandaging his arms because wow that does not fucking look good

·       His face got some touch ups too

·       Thanks, night horror!

·       But it’s nothing too deep

·       He’s a big boy he will live

·       So now it’s about 3am

·       He sure as hell ain’t going back to sleep now

·       Not in the mental state that he’s in right now

·       And even though he knows very well that what he’s about to do is reckless and stupid

·       He says fuck it and does it anyways

·       Because when have the words “reckless” and “stupid” ever stopped Ronan N. Lynch

·       So he gets in the car and drives off

·       Where does he go, you might ask

·       Well, he goes to see Adam

·       Yeah he drives 8 hours after only getting 2 hours of sleep just to see his boyfriend because he wants to and because he can

·       He should arrive after Adam’s test anyways

·       So it’ll be fine

·       Right?

·       ((Also, we are ignoring canon a little bit here and we’re pretending that the murder crab thing never happened))

·       Anyways he drives over to Adam

·       In like

·       A pair of lose fitted jeans and a large t-shirt because the night horror didn’t only get his arms and tight clothing fucking sucks over wounds

·       He obviously ignores all of his messages and calls

·       Even the ones from Adam

·       Mostly because he knows that if he picks up Adam will convince him to turn around and stop being a baby

·       ((Adam wouldn’t, but Ronan can’t risk it))

·       So he gets there around 11am

·       And he knows that Adam should be in his free period by now

·       But he doesn’t call

·       He just

·       Parks in front of his dorm

·       Or close enough, whatever

·       And he sits in the car

·       Suddenly very full of anxiety

·       And he just can’t get himself to call

·       But he remembers that he doesn’t really have to call because he has a key to Adam’s dorm

·       So it’s technically not breaking in right?

·       So he doesn’t even take his phone from the car, just the key to Adam’s dorm and he gets out

·       Only after he’s out of the car he realises that he’s not sure he has the strength to walk either

·       So he just sands there

·       Looking kind of lost

·       ((but also looking high key scary so nobody approaches him))

·       What he doesn’t know is that Adam happened to be on the rooftop with some friends

·       Because that’s where the cool kids have lunch haven’t you heard

·       And he happens to see Ronan’s car

·       And he gets really excited but also really confused

·       Because Ronan is still not answering his calls but he’s also not coming out of the car??

·       So Adam just keeps sitting there, waiting for a sign from Ronan

·       And then when Ronan does come out of the car he sees the bandages

·       And the look on his face

·       And the other unpleasant stuff on his face

·       And he kind of sort of puts 2 and 2 together

·       And he rushed down the stairs so quickly he almost falls down a couple of times

·       All the while Ronan is still standing next to his car

·       Contemplating weather he should get back in and call Declan

·       But then he sees Adam running towards him

·       And suddenly he kind of definitely feels like crying

·       Adam gets to him and they hug so hard Ronan thinks he might have broken Adam’s ribs but he doesn’t really care

·       His wounds have definitely opened up during this too

·       And if he cries a little bit that’s nobody’s business

·       Because he’s with Adam now

·       And Adam will take care of him like the big baby he is

·       And it’s fine now

·       Well not really, because he’s still sporting scars and stitches pretty much all over his body and they hurt like hell

·       And also he feels like he hasn’t slept since he was a baby

·       But that’s ok

·       Because he’s with Adam now.

·       And Adam will take care of him.

·       And they will get through this together.

[taetaespeaches]

From the creators of “Lydia found out she can upload pictures and gifs into your ask box” here comes “Lydia found out she can submit text and stop spamming you with so many asks”.

Because, my love, get ready, this is really something. And I’m sending it today because I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, I’ll work half day and then I’ll go get new glasses because your girl is going blind and annoyed.

Please just answer this whenever you want, no pressure, this is.. a lot. I’m sorry in advance.

First of all, my data finished because of tete’s vlive, I didn’t noticed they were on instead of my wifi, I felt so stupid lol, but girl DID YOU SEE, is it me or does he looks more mature and holy shit so sexy ?????? what the fuck Taehyung, I’m actually asking, what the fuck? I want to know what is up with the fuck.

In other news, Jin and poopsie are moving in together. I’m in love and I’m totally Peaches chasing down that cup to put it in the trash. I do that, does Peaches also slow down when a pigeon is walking in front of her? bc I do that, they just don’t care and I’m like ok fine pigeon go ahead, they’re funny lol- but that was just lovely, I can’t stop thinking about how GOOD tae looks, although I laughed bc if there’s something my mom hates is when anyone makes noises while eating and Tae is the master of it. I kid you not, my mom wants to slap me and gets SO angry when I do it (I do it just to mess with her lol) but yeah, I’ve shown her videos of tae eating like that and she’s like NO, GOD NO! it’s so funny! because she loves him and doesn’t want to see him doing that, I think he looks adorable and maybe I would slap him too but hey, he enjoys food. He a baby. Must protect.

And in other/other news, you killed me with hobi/petal because I started writing this right before you post that and now I’m just adding it in here: you killed me because, I was just starting to go about those pandemic and awful year topic, I was reading it in the bathroom and I almost cry, my precious babies!! T_T and OH! how much I want to go for a walk! I need it, yesterday I walked a little, but didn’t enjoy it, we were just getting lost looking for the pizza place.

But srsly, walking is so good ??, months ago I could feel my anxiety burning my soul, it was awful and one morning on my way to work we always saw people exercising and stuff and I realized all I wanted to do was RUN. so we started going for walks in the afternoon after I got off work (we stopped for a while bc A LOT OF SHIT HAPPENED) but that first day I walked like no one else lol, I could feel my thighs crying but hell I wasn’t stopping, and I just felt so so so so much better! it was amazing.

Well, there ya go, a health tip: go for walks, if you have a dog I think it’s better, I saw so many dogs I was thriving lol. Now my knees are killing me because they do nothing but sit all day.

But yeah, as I was saying: Liv, I’ve missed you, and I would love to say that it was because I’ve been busy or doing something fruitful BUT NO, I’ve been like a zombie these past 2 weeks because I’ve slept till late some nights and everything’s weird, christmas was fun but also weird, my cousin couldn’t be home bc covid and it’s just weird, then I couldn’t see my bf till yesterday bc he was sick (not covid), and I don’t know, it’s like everything is fine but it still feels weird, you know? Petal says this shitty year is coming to an end but damn if I enjoyed the fact that I found Bts, I don’t remember what it was like before and I don’t care.

I’m so grateful, I was a big one direction fan, but I can’t compare, you know? I was younger, I was in school, I was a different person. And now, I’m still young *cough*, but I’m not in school, I have a job and I’m different, and in a lot of moments when I need it, BTS say “hey, love yourself!” every chance they get! and even if there are a lot more moments when I think “I can’t, nope, not now” I probably don’t love myself like I should, but I can say that I WANT TO, and I never make new year’s resolutions, I don’t want it to be a “I’ll do it next year” thing, but maybe I’ll take that will and aspire for something. This year Covid was the least of my problems, family, friendships and relationships have been fucking HARD and I am freaking scared, not gonna lie, there are a lot of things I have to think about, to decide and act on. But I’m also grateful I have other friendships that I got to renew and helped me keep going. So so grateful.

And I’m so grateful for you, I’m happy I found you because believe me when I say you helped a lot too. Just the thought that I can come here and express whatever thing, whatever novel I write for you: from how sexy I think Hobi is - to also have the trust and talk about anything else, even when we don’t really know each other, I don’t expect to get anything back from you but I get so much and it’s refreshing so THANK YOU for that.

I got a little cheesy, I want to cry. But I mean it. I appreciate the hell out of you and your existence. This is me, I can start by saying Hey Tae’s so sexy and finish with I love you, Liv. I wish you forever happiness.

Happy new year, queen!! 🍾

Here’s a picture of my Christmas tree last night with it’s new lights because the ones I bought last year failed on me and I was so angry I went to amazon and bought these for 25 dlls! - And a picture of my cat (her name is Spinelli) from last christmas, because well… I thought the world should see her, she cute.

(I promise I won’t do this often, I’ll send normal asks. I just thought it would be easier lol)

Stay safe ♥

Hello my lovely Lydia!! I’m cackling about what you said about Tae because those are my constant thoughts lmao. Like how in the fuck is this man so sexy??? And he has that intensity about him just my fucking god Kim Taehyung. The man you are today, sir. I am quite literally in love with him. Also I’m giggling at your mom’s reaction to how he eats- I can definitely see how it would annoy some people haha. I adore the way he eats, the pout :(( he looks so pure when he’s eating I just wanna kiss his cheeks lol. 

Yay for Jin and Poopsie!!! And honestly, Peaches is so relatable for the quirky little things she does and how embarrassed she gets for doing them lol. She probably would stop for pigeons- also that’s adorable, you’re cute. 

I’m glad you discovered that walking makes you feel good and healthy!! It definitely does, I need to start working out more in general. I used to be really consistent but ugh this pandemic has killed all motivation for fitness haha. 

I’ve missed you too!! I definitely understand the zombie-like state, with the end of the year along with a pandemic and then just regular day to day life, it’s a miracle any of us are functioning these days. And exactly, even though it was a shitty year, I hope there’s something we can all be thankful for or look back at as a positive. Find those dang silver linings!! Mine would be that I got more in touch with myself again. I think I’m finally on track for being enough for myself and being my own source of strength and happiness and that was my goal for this year. So even though this year fucked us all up quite a bit, at least I have that. And of course, always thankful to bts lol. I can’t believe I’ve been a fan for three years now, how fucking crazy is that?! 

I’m sorry this year was tough on you beyond COVID, I’m wishing for better times for you in the new year. You absolutely deserve to love yourself and I hope you get to the point where that can be true. But honestly, wanting to do so is fucking fabulous. Keep going, Lyd! 

Lastly!! I’m so so so grateful that you found my blog and actually sent me asks, like oh my god I love seeing you pop up in my notifications and inbox. It makes me so happy. You’re an amazing person, my love, and I’m very thankful to know you. Thank you for not only supporting my work but for being an absolute gem to talk to!! I adore you <3 thank you for your friendship, even if just on this silly app. I hope you’re happy this year and beyond! 

p.s. your tree is so pretty and YOUR CAT IS THE CUTEST LITTLE FLUFF BALL I LOVE HER!!! Give sweet lil Spinelli a cuddle for me <3 

[yakumtsaki]

I taste just like ice cream, bitch I am so icy, heart cold like an ice queen, that's why they don't like me 🎵

-What the hell was that.

Traditionally I start Union updates with semi-relevant song lyrics.

-Why did you start an update at all.

Because it’s time, Shajar! I took a holy oath in my 2020 simming goals post to update Unions once a month, and I’m already a month late.

-But nothing interesting is happening. 

That’s never stopped me before. Now listen to Rico Nasty, cry some more about Sophie blowing you off, and shut up.

-Ugh please, I couldn’t be more over Sonia if I tried. I hardly ever texted her links to wedding pinterest boards and quizzes to determine if our parenting styles are compatible. 

Did she ever reply? 

-She did once and said ‘who dis’. Of course the letters unscrambled spell out ‘do wish’, meaning she did wish me to keep messaging her. I just don’t know where it all went wrong. 

-Hey there, 17 year old girl, maybe you’ve had enough neat whiskey for the night? We’re actually running out of bottles. 

-Beat it, ponytail, I need to dull my pain. I’ve just been stabbed right in the gut by the love of my life. Just like my style idol and general role model, space opera fascist Kylo Ren.

Shaj I really hate seeing you like this, and not just because the red neon light is super unflattering on your complexion.

-You can fuck right off too, I was perfectly happy with my dads who hate me and my imbecile sister and my brother who might as well not exist, noogie-ing people all day AND night long, but you had to be all ‘OMG IT’S SOPHIE MIGUEL SHAJAR GO TALK TO HER’. Life-ruining-moron. 

But I was totally right about you two hitting it off, I mean look how sad you are now that she dumped- yea never mind, that’s not a good argument.

-Look what I can do even though I’ve had 46 whiskeys!! How you like me now, Sophie???

-You’re paying for all these broken glasses, I’m going to need your name and a credit card.

-Yes, fair enough, my name is Cyneswith Union-

-I LOOK GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT

Yea, you really should eat something to soak up all the alcohol. And not to kick you when you’re down, but you should also disregard all those cliches about ~a smile being the most beautiful thing you can wear~ because MAN. Watch out Joaquin, there’s a new Joker on the prowl. 

-So.. 20 lobsters thermidor and our most expensive appetizers?

-Aha.

-Would you mind settling your bill now?

-Of course not! My name is Cyneswith Union and this is the credit card my parents got me when I was 6 because we’re super duper best friends! I love my parents! They don’t care about their other daughter at all, even when their other daughter is going through a really hard time because she got the emotional equivalent of a lightsaber wound in the gut. You know what, let me also get 20 bottles of your most overpriced champagne to go with the lobsters.

Feeling better?

-Well it’s hard to feel bad when you’re spending your parents’ money recklessly and with malice aforethought.

It sure is. Alright well, the sun is coming up, maybe we should head home.

-What’s the rush? What is going to happen if I don’t go home, my parents will get worried? LOL

God your life sucks. Ok let’s hit a couple more places.

-Greetings. Welcome to our establishment. I am a human employee from this planet.

Great, nice to meet you.

-I just want there to be no doubt that I am indeed an earthling, born and raised under the earth’s exosphere and not above it.

Leave us alone.

-And I’m the resident community lot sim with that one face template you hate! There must be one of us on every lot you visit!

-And I am here in my revealing outfit to use the dance sphere and make everyone uncomfortable!

You’re actually pretty, I need to keep you in mind for after Don Oates takes a wrecking ball to our genetics, but yea, let’s bounce, Shajar.

Time to visit the happiest place on earth, Deh'Javu Modern Art Museum, home to my favorite piece of art in any medium, The Toilet of Fire. Shove that Fountain up your ass, Duchamp. How we feeling, Shaj?

-This trash can reminds of Sophie :( She used to go around town throwing money she stole from charities in trash cans and then send them riddles for where to find them :(

Enough with Sophie, we’ll find you someone better! Like..

..your aunt! Get the hell out of here Brit Brit, you’re taking up townie space. 

-I won’t be long, Gunther’s amazing close-up portrait of my hair was rejected by the museum so I’m here to set this shithole on fire. 

In other words Gunther just painted a canvas black and called it a day?

-His art doesn’t cater to plebs. Yes, offense.

Our old friend Ugly Teen Townie is here so finally we can have some fun. Shajar had gone almost 12 hours(!) without noogieing someone and I was starting to worry for her health.

-Yes, yes, I’m starting to feel like myself again..

Good for you, Shaj!

-Hope you’ve made peace with your God, Ugly Teen Townie, this water balloon is filled with horse feces! 

-WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET HORSE SHIT

-I ordered it from some guy named Leod McGreggor.

-How about a another joke, MuRRAY?

-What?!

-Now you say, ‘no, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes’. Say it!

-No, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes.

-What do you get when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? Now you say ‘call the police, Gene!’

-Call the police, Gene!

-I'll tell you what you get..

-YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE. HAHA oh man! Good stuff. 

Alright I’m starting to feel bad for Ugly Teen Townie, first he had to come to all the toddler birthday parties during the Victoria/Komei era and now this, he has suffered enough at this family’s hands. Time to go home, Shaj.

-Not so fast!

Wow, the Countess and Mrs. Crumplebottom on the same lot, top 10 anime crossovers.

-I have been sent here by the Limp Dick Vamps United organization to recruit Shajar Union.

Ugh you people are still around? Haven’t heard of you losers since the Count wouldn’t let Victoria bang him, which I’m still annoyed about. 

-Indeed we are, and it’s clear Shajar is ready to join us, dedicating her life to evil deeds without romantic distractions. I have no idea what Crumplebottom is doing here.

-I’m here to recruit Shajar to my own organization, Bitter Sims Worldwide Alliance. We’re always on the lookout for new members who want to spread their misery to their fellow Sim. 

It sounds like it’d be more effective if you guys just merged your organizations.

-I will NEVER merge my organization with someone who displays her bosom like a common whore. 

-Eat a dick, Crumplebottom!

-MAKE ME, FANGTOOTH

-Alright here I am, what the fuck do you want?

-Shajar, it is a pleasure to meet you! Ardent admirer of your work.

-What work, freakshow?

-Torturing everyone around you, what else!

-What? I don’t torture people around me, if anything they torture me.

-Why don’t you talk to me about it?

-I’d rather not, you look like a bejeweled snowman.

-Look deep into my eyes, Shajar..

-And now look deep into my razor sharp teeth..

-Ugh fine, let’s talk. 

-Is that Victoria and Komei’s teen granddaughter hanging out with a vampire?

Yes it is Kennedy, keep it moving.

-God, wtf is wrong with this family. 

Nothing now that you’ve been removed from our social circle, go away! Just kidding, you’re an icon and I’m marrying you in at some point. 

-Hard pass. 

Your loss, hombre. 

-It definitely isn’t.

-If I had known your turn on was vampires I would had set you two up!

STOP SETTING UP TEENS WITH ADULTS, LAKSHMI. And Shajar’s turn ons isn’t vampires, it’s fitness/fatness. Body positive queen. 

-Well, Shajar, you alphabetically listing all the people who have wronged you while I was trying to kill Crumplebottom telepathically has made for a very productive conversation. We’ll be in touch. 

-Thanks, Countess, it’s been real.

Shajar!!! Who cares about Sophie when you might bag a hot, rich vamp??

-Meh.

I’m gonna need you to be more excited about this prospect because a vampire spouse might just be enough of a draw to beat the comedic factor of fucking Don Oates turning us into an unintentional uglacy and I’m doing whatever I can to avoid my fate.

Ugh.

UGH

UGHHHHHHH

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO VICTORIA

-GET FUCKED, BROKEN FACED WEIRDO

God I miss you Vic 💔

-Donnie-bear, not to be not-nice, but mopping your pee off my front lawn is not exactly what I pictured doing during this date.

This guy won’t even mop up his own piss, what a catch.

Wow, manipulative much?? You are a piss piece of work, Donaldo.

-Don’t think we forgot about you, you 10-nice-point disgrace!

-VICTOR NO

-GET THAT MOP READY

-Finally, some peace and quiet.. Just me, alone with my broken heart, pondering my hopeless, loveless future..

-����💗💗OMG SIS THERE YOU ARE. DONNIE AND I MADE OUT!!! 💗💗💗 But then grandma’s ghost scared him into soiling himself. 

-Good for grandma, hopefully next time she gives him a stroke. Now shut up and let’s eat in silence while I ponder my hopeless, loveless future.

-Okie dokie! 💗💗💗

-Um, I think mine has vomit in it.

-Yea I did that, but it’s just whiskey and lobster, if anything it increased in value. 

-Awww thanks sis! 💗💗💗

-Stop patronizing me, you little bitch. God I want to poke your eye out with this chopstick so badly.

-I love you too Shaj! 💗💗💗

And I hate both of you. Where’s your brother, I haven’t paid attention to him in 3 days. 

-He went upstairs, I think he’s pusshurt we forgot his birthday LOL

IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY????

-Don’t feel bad, I forgot it too! 💗💗💗

GODDAMMIT. WULF! WULF WHERE ARE YOU

-I’m here, I just grew up and dare I say it could not have gone better! 

Really?? Finally some good news! Let me look upon you-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

WULF WHAT THE FUCK

-I was Mozart musical genius boy but now I’m a sk8ter boi! Character development!

Ok this is the most iconic birthday look since Gunther grew up in the pirate costume, we’re obviously keeping it. 

-Great! And as if the fact I’m a Wyatt face template with 0 Jojo genes wasn’t enough to make me unelectable, I also rolled family! :D I’m doing everything I can to ensure I live that sweet motherlode spare life! 

Honestly you should had picked another outfit cause now that you’re dressed like this I unironically want you to win. Hoisted with your own petard.

[skzhabibi]

An Old Crush (A Long, Bittersweet Personal Storytime/Rant)

When I was in Junior High, I had really, REALLY low self esteem. I was still very much in the awkward phase of puberty and all of those hormones paired with the fact I was having lots of problems at home resulted in some pretty severe mental health issues (which I won’t get too much into, because I don’t wanna trigger anyone). Not only that, but I’m naturally pretty sensitive, so any negative comments people had made about my appearance in the past, whether they were trash talking my hand-me-down clothes, pale ass skin, acne, big nose, etc., it really stuck with me. I was a mess, basically. And I’m part Arab on my mom’s side, so seeing a psychiatrist was never really an option.

Anyways, I was 13 or 14 (8th grade) when I took my 1st Spanish class. This had a bunch of the more “popular” kids in it, because they were trying to get the credit out of the way before High School and there were only 2 teachers who taught Spanish at my school, so it was bound to happen. There was a popular boy in my class, called T for the sake of the story, who sat a seat in front and to the left. I don’t know how we first started talking, but it was probably because of many factors. I laughed at his jokes, he sat near me in Spanish and English which we had right after, I was pretty solid academically at the time and he wasn’t, we had a couple mutual friends/acquaintances, etc... I guess it’s also good to mention he was known for his good looks and the fact he was A-string quarterback on our shitty little football team while I was kind of a social floater; a decent amount of people knew of me, but not many people actually knew me well, if at all.

I didn’t really pay him any mind in a romantic way at first, to be honest. I just thought he was reasonably attractive, but I figured he’d think himself “too cool” to be associated with me since that’s the vibe a lot of the other popular boys in the class had given me if I ever tried making friends with them. People really just gave me the cold shoulder in general, which hurt my feelings, so I wasn’t gonna risk it anymore. But what really made that first little crush for him start was when one day as I was rushing to get out the door first after the bell rang (which I always did because I’m impatient as fUCK and hate that huge ass crowd you had to shove through or come out last), he rushed forward, squeezing through the door around the other jocks and practically pushing them out of the way, to catch up to me and ask me to walk to English together. As an inexperienced little simp, that shit really looked like something out of a movie. It gave me such a needed boost of confidence that I actually started beaming, which was REALLY out of character for me (I’ve always been known for my “resting bitch face”).

So this became such a regular thing, walking to English, that we actually began waiting for each other by our desks to pack our stuff up, and we were usually around the last 2 to leave the room. At some point I finally plucked up the courage to ask him for his number, which was TERRIFYING because I’d never done anything like that. I think I made some excuse that since we had 2 classes together if we forgot about the homework we could remind each other (holy shit I was such a nerd). We texted a few times, but it never got super deep that I remember. I never really initiated the conversations because I didn’t want to make it seem like I liked him even though at this point I REALLY did; I even told a couple of my friends, which I didn’t normally do either. I was always someone to bottle up that shit and bury it so it never saw the light of day because I was so fucking afraid of rejection (Fragile Ass Self Esteem wants to know your location).

I literally thought that I was unlikeable in every sense of the word, so a bunch of the signs that he liked me back at the time never dawned on me. He could’ve literally screamed in my face that he liked me and I’d probably be like “As a Friend, right???”

I guess I’ll just take this moment to tell you about a bunch of the things that should’ve bee HUGE ASS signs he liked me:

1.) This girl on the volleyball team at our table in English that T knew would make passes about how he was really sought-after by a shit ton of girls and then look at me. He also looked at me afterwards like he was shy but gauging my reaction. She had a sort of Jade from Victorious vibe to her so I figured she saw through me and was trying to embarrass me by getting a reaction, so I kept my face straight.

2.) He would compliment me more than anyone else I spoke to (which was uhhhh never. I never got complimented.) For example: He was always calling me smart or a “try hard” to joke with me. I took it as an expression of friendly jealousy. When I curled my hair one day he noticed and literally said, “Can we all take a moment to appreciate (my name)’s hair?” It made me blush so hard, but I thought he was making fun of me. He would also insist on reading my shit or me reading his when the English teacher made us peer review/journal check and would compliment the work I did or my handwriting or how organized it looked. Living that emotionally stunted Y/N life.

3.) The Spanish teacher made us partner up any time there was group work, and she moved his seat to right next to mine every routine seat change. I was gullible as shit thinking that that was coincidental when he had other friends in class. I figured it was cuz I was good and he sucked at Spanish lmaooo. I’ve since read posts on reddit where teachers have confirmed that they can tell when kids have crushes on each other and they’ll play wingman/woman. When I read that I was like WAIT A DAMN MINUTE. Mrs. G was a real one and I was so fucking oblivious to it.

4.) Another girl on the volleyball team asked if he and I were dating. I was taken aback and said no, we weren’t (conveniently leaving out the “I wish”) and asked why she would think that. The reason she gave was that since people saw us walk together between classes, a lot of people figured we were together. I chalked it up to stupid gossip that had no roots in anything he said, so I laughed it off to keep from getting my hopes up.

5.) A similar thing happened AGAIN with a guy who was also on the football team. When he learned my name, he was like, “Wait, (my first and last)?” And I was like yeah wtf how did you know my last without me telling you? And he’s straight up like, “Oh, you’re the girl T has a thing for.” AND I WAS SO FUCKING BLIND OMFG I was just like well he’s never told me he likes me so even though multiple people at this point have said something I think that is completely baseless fake news.

6.) One of the MOST telling signs: he would always say hi to me outside of classes when I was alone. He found me outside my locker one day and started talking to me. The coaches would make the kids on sports teams run back to locker room, and one day he was doing that when he saw me at my locker (which was right by the sport locker rooms since I was in girls’ athletics). His teammates would glance at me while they ran by, and he told me to wait for him while he changed so we could walk to Spanish (1st period) together. Ngl, this really sealed the nail in the coffin for my huge ass crush on this kid. I was taken aback because I thought our friendship was just for convenience and he didn’t actually see me as a real friend he would be seen outside of class with. But in the end I still psyched myself out by saying I was just something to entertain him.

7.) One time in the library, I was working on printing out some paper. An annoying ass kid who was overly friendly and rode the bus with me was talking to me a lot, and I was pretty clearly not interested in my mind at least. T walked in for some reason and smiled and said “Hey, (my name)” pretty loudly. I wasn’t expecting to see him, so I was just like “Oh, hey, T,” because I lack social skills. He glanced at the kid and back at me and his face kinda dropped before he kept walking. I think the kid asked me to hang out with him and our mutual friend and I was basically like no thanks man I’m kinda busy.

8.) Other times he would do this as well. One time my girl friend and I were sitting across from each other at a lunch table in the morning after getting off the bus. Out of LITERALLY NOWHERE he just swoops in and sits next to my friend across from me and starts talking to me about some project in Spanish he finished, showing me excitedly what he wrote and asking if it was right. He pretty much ignored my friend, and she was hella socially anxious and knew about my crush on him so she kinda got huge eyes and shut down socially. He and I talked for a bit before it got awkward because we ran out of shit to say and it was awkward now that we had an extra person and we pretty much only talked to each other without anyone else in the conversation. He left after that and my friend and I freaked tf out.

9.) One time while I was waiting for the bus in the cafeteria after school, I was alone because my friends were taking too long. I was on my phone when he comes up and starts talking to me. I was hella fucking awkward because for some reason I‘m always a fucking stiff around the person I like. Then my guy friend who rode the same bus came up and cock blocked the shit out of T because he’s super fucking loud and just starts fucking around. He and I are super close even to this day and I guess T got intimidated by how easily we were joking around and kinda saw himself out before I could say anything.

10.) THIS LIST IS GETTING TOO LONG SKDJDJASKDJDJ BUT I FUCKIN FORGOT whenever we would walk between classes we would sometimes not even talk. Like whenever the conversation died we would just kinda stare into each other’s eyes 😂 I thought I was just being creepy, but he fucking smiled at me when it happened why am I so dUmB fUUUCK. Also sometimes the popular kids would run up behind us and fuck with him like make fun of him or make some sort of awkward pass that I wouldn’t react to before running down the hall ahead of us. My guess now is that he was meaning to make a move but my neutral reaction to whatever dumbass thing they said made it impossible to tell if I felt the same so he chickened out.

ANYWAYS I think our little friendship/mutual pining fizzled our after one time he made a more up front attempt because at this point he was probably fed up with waiting for me to get the hint but this exchange really fucking backfired:

Basically he got a girlfriend, this girl on GUESS WHAT??! THE VOLLEYBALL TEAM. I heard about it straight from him while we’re walking to English together and that shit hurted but I was like whatever I still want him as a friend and this pretty much confirmed in my mind that he NEVER liked me. So basically he’s talking about how he’s been seeing her to pass the time but he doesn’t actually like her. And I was like why not? She’s really cool/nice and REALLY pretty. But if you don’t like her then why date her? Seems like a waste of time. He’s like yeah well basically she said she liked me so I asked her out but tbh I think she’s annoying. And I’m like what did she do something on a date that was annoying? STILL UTTERLY CLUELESS AND HES DEADASS LIKE what are you jealous like in a flirty way and my DUMB. ASS. Is like.... WHATTTT PSHHH NO I MEAN WE’RE JUST BROSSS AHAHA.

Can I get an F in the chat pls?

Basically we just stopped talking after a while. I think my friend texting his brother officially knifed the shit out of that ship’s sail. Years later I confessed that I liked him back then and asked if he liked me back back then so I could stop worrying about gaslighting myself and he’s basically like yeah I would’ve tried something with you (came across really unenthusiastic). And then one time in like my freshman year of community college I was with my bio study group in the library going to where we were meeting up for a project when I felt eyes on me from the computers and literally LOCKED EYES WITH HIM AND HES JUST LIKE 👁👄👁

LMAO I PRETENDED LIKE I DIDNT KNOW THAT BITCH

OH TO SEE WITHOUT MY EYES

1 like = 1 smash of your head against the wall at my fucking idiocy

[interstellix]

aw i’m glad ur studying is okay!! felt that on the dying part but pls make sure ur taking care w proper breaks and all!!! i wish i had the willpower to stay off social media during my exams holy shit i’m pretty sure i failed atleast two of them 😃😃😃😃 but yeah!! i’m very much not looking forward to the final exams and assignments, especially since everything we do this year contributes to our final score (ig i can call it that? aussie schooling system makes it way more complicated than it needs to be omg barely any teachers understand the scoring system 😭😭😭😭) so very big stress for this year but i’m excited to finally move onto uni and actually pursue intresting things omg ;;;; life had been okay!! i’m on holidays right now so nothing new has been happening LOL i’m planning on getting a new piercing or two soon so i’m pretty excited for that!! also i finished season 2 of haikyuu and i’m crying because mf netflix doesn’t have the next two seasons 😭😭😭 also seijoh pls theyre my faves i’m so upset GOD

guess what tho!!! I LOVE U MORE!!!!!!!!

ngl i do occasionally overwork myself, unconsciously though 👁👄👁 but dw pls fjslf i'm surviving, it could've been way way worse!! idk if you remember/heard but the psychology class i was supposed to take changed tempo from 15% to 50% last minute, so all of a sudden we were supposed to finish a whole semester of psychology in three weeks :) physics alone would already take a lot of time and energy and my mental health is already shit lmao so i knew i wouldn't be able to handle it and decided to cancel the class sooo,,,

yeah tldr; i took my health into consideration for once and i did actually come up with a different plan that i'll benefit more from!! :') so we're good :'))

i swear whenever you talk about the school system of a country on the other side of the damn planet - literally - i get so confused like it's so different from here fjslfkd. i think i kind of get the catch tho and it sounds to me like it's a whole pain tbh :( you're!! doing great tho!! never forget that k i'm literally so proud of you and i hope you know you deserve to be proud of yourself too 🥺🥺

the stuff i'm studying isn't really uni yet so i can totally get the hype!! i mean it'll for sure also come with a lot of stress and shit but let's do our best and do this shit together babes 😎

AND GRJSLR DO IT ure both cute AND hot w the piercing u already have, go get those new ones and show the world what a full course thanksgiving meal you are!!!!! >:(

all that said,

i'm sorry but,

what the fuck is wrong with you

i get ur love for iwa, he's precious as hell but girl. not only do you see hinata the way you do now seijoh out of all teams if your favorite? girl 😭 ok i mean you just finished season 2 BUT STILL oikawa is so damn fucking annoying he ruined the entire experience of liking seijoh for me LMAOO

BUT. VIVI. PLEASE. can we talk about this dude

bokuto isn't even my favorite character BUT WHEN I SAY I LOVE HIM LISTEN HE'S SUCH A PRECIOUS LITTLE HYPE BEAN

also that sucks gjskfks i have a lot of friends who suffer with that lol but. i'm a bit of a snake and download my anime. so if you use a computer and have vlc downloaded. i can totally send you the files for s3 and s4 👀👀👀👀

also lies. that's all lies. bc ily the most >:(