#but also emotionally painful lessons

[greybackpack]

So, I was pondering about scars. Thinking? I don’t know. Anyways, scars in relation to the trio.

For Elisabet, right? She lived on a ranch, and if there’s anything I know about living with farm animals, it’s that there’s gonna be some bloodshed. Both yours and theirs. What kind of scars did she get in her lifetime? What lessons did she learn from them? I have a faint scar from one of my mothers chickens, and like, I know now not to bother a hen when she’s stressed unless I can help. (Also my mom has a penchant for picking asshole roosters, but that’s irrelevant.) does she have a burn scar from that pine tree she set on fire? What marks are on her hands from working with robotics? Did Elisabet learn how to weld? What scars did she get during the apocalypse? Did she come face to face with the Plague? What scrapes and bumps and bruises does she have and what did she learn? I know damn well there’s calluses on her feet, because you can’t operate a ranch without breaking in some solid footwear. Did she listen to the lessons about breaking in hiking boots or did she hike in them and bleed? Does she have calluses on her hand, even though I’m sure the digitalization of everything must have made that less pronounced?

Aloy, for sure, has tough feet. The shoes she didn’t wear as a kid is like the practice of acclimatizing children to be able to walk bare feet in order to get thicker soles and stronger skin. (Speaking of which, how in the hell did she not get tetanus or something?) She’s got scars from machines, for sure, like most everyone else does. Which ones taught her to dodge better, to balance quicker, to parry a strike at the right moment? She’s got calluses on her fingertips from bows. Little slices on her hands that indicate blade work? Do her shoulders have scars on them from those slamming attacks watchers do? Torn up skin fro where scrappers caught her with their serrated blades? Broken and healed bones from stampeding striders?Pockmarks and holes from where bullets and lasers hit her? Her palms are rough, because she climbs rocks and trees and probably buildings. Has she ever twisted her ankles? That scar from Helis, on her neck, that taught her the reality of death and loss. What other scars would Aloy carry? What lessons did they teach her?

And Beta, who was forced to live both socially and physically isolated from people. We know she didn’t meet the Zeniths until Earth, basically. Did Eric torment her when they did (this is based on the whole psycho “watch the fear in other people’s eyes as he killed them” thing the dude’s got going on). She who also ripped out that focus/tracker out of the side of her head unhesitatingly the moment she could after realizing what the Zeniths were there to do. There’s a giant scar left on her skull now Did that teach her a little bit about how brave she could be? Did that show her that the spark of bravery and defiance and good that lives in Aloy also lives in her? Is it a reminder that she no longer lives under anyone’s will? That shes brave and lovely and even if there’s a hundred zeniths, Beta’s worth as much if not more than all of them combined? Does it remind her that she’s got people who cherish her for who she is and that she doesn’t have to beg for a scrap of attention and love? Did she get splinters after setting foot on a world not made out of metal and lights and water?

I just think scars are incredibly profound to who someone is as a person and the experiences they’ve gone through. Physically, anyways. Emotional scars can be linked to them, but they’re usually harder to spot right away.

They’re so brave?? They survived so much and yeah they’re not talking about it but they’re learning to live with it and learning to both grieve the experience and then learning the lesson and moving on instead of just avoiding it like Aloy did for the year and a half ish from Rost’s death? That’s incredibly inspiring.

I think that’s why I love this game so much, despite the questionable usage of tribes and savages and a bunch of other things (don’t even get me started on that). The story and narrative is so rich and compelling in how they show Aloy’s physical and emotional journey and the differences in how people process their trauma and experiences and how that’s all okay, because that’s just how things are. It’s just. I love it. I love them.

[thesandisfalling]

my official take on the moon/qibli/winter love triangle is that winterwatcher is a much grander, epic romance, and moonbli is a much more level, sweet-and-simple romance, but ultimately i think it was a better decision to have the latter be the canon romance in a series primarily marketed towards children and teens than fall into the "bad boy" romance trope, and instead romanticize the earnest, genuine, sweet relationship

obviously there's way more nuance to this involving internalized/unconscious bias, and winter doesn't even REALLY fit into the "bad boy" archetype, but purely based on genre conventions, the gruff, rude, brooding, tortured hero VERY often falls into that category, and at the ages of 7-14 most of us were very LIKELY to be romanticizing that archetype, which again is very often treated as interchangeable with the "abusive bad boy" trope, and while i might have a few gripes with the writing of moonbli and i ENJOY winterwatcher a whole lot, i DO appreciate the more gentle, "safe" romance being treated as the ideal, rather than the tense and angst-filled nature of the alternative

[llycaons]

lots of fics have lsz as he grows up notice how sad lwj is and want to comfort him/understand why and I can understand where it’s coming from but I don’t think lsz even realizes that lwj is in perpetual mourning or is grieving anyone, or would really act on it if he did, because

1. except when he was very young, he’s never known an lwj who wasn’t in mourning so he doesn’t have anything to compare it to

2. lwj is a very reserved and private individual and anyone he looks after would know that and respect it since he’s an esteemed teacher; he’s also extremely noncommunicative verbally about himself and his personal life. even in canon postres when we see lsz ask him something, lwj just tells him to go rest

3. lsz may be a perceptive and emotionally sensitive kid who does try to comfort and reassure people older than him, but he’s still a child and I feel like he’s just naturally going to be more focused on himself and how he and his peers are because...he’s a child

4. lsz is clearly is very attached to lwj as an older brother/mentor figure who he loves and trusts, but lwj isn’t the kind of person to make a child responsible for his feelings and in their interactions they seem to have a more formal relationship than a lot of fics portray them

[celestialtarot11]

Synastry indicating obsession

Hi friends! Today we’re looking closely at synastry indicating obsession or infatuation with someone. Not necessarily only romantic! Please like reblog & comment to boost this blog 💕

Venus 1h— Infatuation with how the Venus person carries themselves. You want to know how they style themselves, how it looks like it’s made for them—the clothes they wear, hair, makeup, etc. they have what you want which makes you even more attracted to them. This can also turn into idolization for the Venus person. In your eyes the Venus person is talented—skilled and charming. Its as if the Venus person has no flaws. This can easily turn into self comparison with the Venus person which is unhealthy.

Moon 8h— First it feels fated. It feels as if ya’ll have known each other for a long time. Deep innate curiosity to learn more about each other, yet there is so much that remains hidden. Disillusionment within each other is common here, both people may not know who they really are and self sabotage comes up in the connection to be healed. This type of synastry is deep and reignited past pain and trauma. Old attachment styles come up—making it harder to leave the moon person. The moon person can shut off emotionally from the house person, leaving the house person craving more connection. Lack of boundaries—the house person may not leave until there is significant emotional hurt. The connection also struggles with being hidden or people cant know about it. An aspect will always remain hidden. Emotions or not wanting to put a label on the connection.

Saturn conj. Venus— Hot take—I know a lot of people see this as a marriage indicator. And maybe it is, I won’t deny that fact. From my observation, I’ve had this synastry twice and did not necessarily lead to marriage, just lessons to be learned. Usually the Venus persons old attachment style gets triggered. They feel alone and unfulfilled in themselves, not necessarily because of the saturn person. But their inner child is wounded & so they look to the saturn person for stability, strength and protection. Codependent behaviors can be enabled because the venus person does not know how to create internal balance. Father wounds come out in this type of synastry the most. Saturn person can also shut off emotionally from the venus person and be avoidant towards intimacy—feeling afraid to be “vulnerable.”

Venus-pluto— The venus person feels instantly attracted to the pluto person. Or vice versa—both people are affected. Chemistry, sexual tension. Yet underneath hides pain and trauma—which controls the two in the connection unless both heal from it. Very possible both carry pain regarding toxic masculinity & toxic femininity. But still feel drawn to each other because it replays their past—which the two got too comfortable with. It became easy to settle with what they knew than to find actual safety. Lots of transformation, personal power can result from this. Usually this connections ends in shambles, disgust, or never talking ever again. Usually the pluto person ends up hurting venus person—cheating, spreading rumors, jealousy, etc. so much more! Its as if they both cannot get enough of each other yet its “forbidden,” or “taboo” to be in the connection. There is an aspect that the connection has to remain hidden—until it becomes revealed.

Jupiter 8h, Jupiter 1h, and Jupiter 4h- Controversial, but Jupiter can indicate our indulgence. If Jupiter sits in these places especially the 4h its likely the house person will automatically crave a bond and connection with this person. While its sweet—this can turn sideways. The house person becomes comfortable in their old ways and habits, because the Jupiter person can enable their codependency. An indulgence of self victimization—learned helplessness. Jupiter 4h makes house person crave a family they didn’t have, so they cling to the fantasy of it all. Dismissing red flags from the Jupiter person. Jupiter 8h makes the house person want to be consumed by the idea of unveiling the Jupiter person. Wants to know all their secrets, and analyze everything of them. Too much to the point of neglecting themselves. If the Jupiter person leaves—house person will adopt their traits and such. Its a way of holding onto what they wish they had internally—they project their desires onto the Jupiter person.

Planets in the 12h— Immediate attraction & curiosity. The connection can feel fated, or meant to be. The two experience intense highs and lows in the connection because of the lessons. Almost always its a lesson of boundaries and saying no. Usually in these connections, there is a lack of commitment or unavailability—yet the house person craves the moon person for that ��deep connection.” The house person feels understood in ways they never had before, so they cling hard to what they receive, even if its unhealthy. Periods of no contact—avoidance, shutting down emotionally is common. Usually the strength of the connection is also tested by people around them or external factors. Gossip, rumours are spread to distort both perceptions of each other in the connection. Eventually one person realizes someone is not being who they say they are—and leave.

Sun 1h— House person is drawn to the way sun person carries themselves. Idolized them, places them on a pedestal. Gives the sun person the privilege of being seen as “more,” even though we are all equal. The house person can strive to be as unique and talented as the sun person & can overdo it. Easy for the house person to compare themselves especially if they are struggling in an area where the sun person is great at. This has potential to become an amazing connection, however.

Mars—The house person can feel isolated or lonely simply because the mars person can come across aggressive. Yet the mars person is captivating, exuberant, and full of life to the house person despite the toxicity. There could be misogyny, sexism, manipulation tactics here. Lots of sexual undertones as well—since it represents action. The house person feels “alive” with the mars person because of their energy, and finds themselves being pulled in very fast. Instant attraction vibes. The two can play a game of “playing hard to get,” which makes it more thrilling—yet there was no commitment to stay in the connection at first. The house person is enamored and hooked onto the charisma of the mars person—willing to toss away their boundaries. The mars person can reenact a lot of toxic behaviors the house person experienced, finding themselves all over in the same position. Lots of competition between the two, to be better or higher than the other. But both are constantly on each other’s mind—which is where the obsession starts.

Thanks so much for reading ya’ll! Highly appreciated it. Hoping to hear y’all’s perspective kindly—I love listening! I love these flower pics. Ima use it again sometime lol.

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[stellarsagittarius]

🧭 8th House: Your Biggest Challenges in Astrology 🧭

[You can book a personal reading with me, kindly check the pinned post <3]

Masterlist: All my astrology posts at one place

8th House in Astrology rules over everything that is the considered to be the challenging parts of life. It has positive connotations in a way that through these challenges we find our brightest light. The lessons in the 8th house present themselves through our connections with other people, whether its physically, mentally, emotionally or even spiritually. Because through our connection with others we learn about life. 8th house is also connected with debts, other people's resources, being involved in drama, but that's a topic for a different day. Let's see how you can use your 8th house to navigate your challenging lessons, so that the outcome is positive and growth oriented.

See where the ruler of your 8th house falls:

Check 8th House Sign (ex. Libra) -> Sign's Planetary Ruler (ex, Libra is ruled by Venus) -> Which house the ruler falls into (ex, Venus in 4th House)

The signs and their rulers: Don't use Uranus, Neptune and Pluto as rulers of any signs. Firstly it lack proper credits, and second it's just not it (found after 1700s). We rather rely on the Traditional Astrology that has been around for millenias (since about 2nd Century CE). It just makes so much more sense (I'm going to make a long detailed post about this).

Aries, Scorpio: Mars

Taurus, Libra: Venus

Gemini, Virgo: Mercury

Cancer: Moon

Leo: Sun

Sagittarius, Pisces: Jupiter

Capricorn, Aquarius: Saturn

If you have your ruler of the 8H in the 1H, all the lessons that you experience lead you back to yourself. It's an extremely self-development oriented aspect. Your challenges and lessons shape the way you view the world. So whenever such lessons strike, seek to understand how it alters the way you understand reality and life itself. These challenges are presented to you so that you can understand no one but yourself, better. You might have a bit of insecurities and self esteem issues, that result from challenging experiences. Seek to nurture yourself in whatever way you feel the most comfortable, and put your beliefs + values first and foremost.

If you have your ruler of the 8H in the 2H, you are here to practice healthy give and take. You experience people meddling in your business all the time. Perhaps you are always stuck with people using your for your resources or material possessions or simply taking more from you than they can ever return, vice versa. Your lesson is to prioritize yourself, but also not be greedy or manipulative with others. Try to not overly attach with material outcomes, and you shall see a much better flow of finances, resources, etc. Seek healthy ways of intermingling with others, of trading and making deals. Don't lessen your personal value for anyone.

If you have your ruler of the 8H in the 3H, your biggest lesson is to express your thoughts and ideas in a better way. If you have your Mercury here *as the ruler, then it means literally speech issues like stammering or even difficultly concentrating. If you have Moon here *as the ruler, then inability to express your emotions into words. Beware of gossip or spreading misinformation, and also consuming information that is unverified or unconfirmed, since you are much more prone to issues with miscommunication. Seek journaling or writing as it can help you regulate all those thoughts in a better way. And don't hold yourself back from speaking up.

If you have your ruler of the 8H in the 4H, you have this sense of privacy that you seek to protect at all costs. The issues you regularly struggle with have to do with being vulnerable and not being able to open up, or opening up too much with anyone. There could be issues with the home and family life, perhaps there are people constantly prying over your personal life or violating your boundaries, or some of your family members being a pain in the butt. There are many ways to tackle these issues, but the best one is too have proper and healthy boundaries, because you are not everyone else's business. Seek close and trusted people to confide in.

If you have your ruler of the 8H in 5H, you might struggle a lot with either being too serious or not being serious at all when it comes to life's pleasures and fun. Striking a balance is the key. People also take advantage of your light-hearted nature, therefore your must have healthy boundaries that allows you to protect your creative and happy space. People can meddle between your kids or your creative endeavors. Your biggest lessons come from you learning how to rely on your creative self expression. Do not be afraid to shine. Your light is very strong and you deserve to feel the best. Seek to explore cool forms of expression and prioritize your inner child.

If you have your ruler of the 8H in 6H, you are meant to prioritize your routines and learn how to be a more grounded/organized/productive person. The thing is you don't need to burn yourself out or push yourself to do tasks/things that simply aren't working out, just for the sake of it. Instead, set systems that actually suit you. Do not make grand resolutions that you actually cannot put to ground. You have a bit of challenge with the material realm, either being too obsessed with perfection or being super disorganized. Some can even have a bit of health issues. Seek balance and create a healthy lifestyle that you actually enjoy living with. Build systems and not routines.

If you have the ruler of your 8H in 7H, most of your challenges and transformative situations in life has to do with others. These could be relationships, partnerships, friendships and family. Through people, you learn and grow. If you have your Venus in the 7H *as the ruler of 8H, you experience very life changing things in regards to romance and building connections with others. If you have Mercury in the 7H *as the ruler of the 8H, you experience difficultly expressing yourself with others. If you have Moon in the 7H *as the ruler of the 8H, you may have attachment issues. So seek healthy forms of communication, expression, etc. Try to learn the healthy patters of being in relationships and don't hold onto people that stall you from moving forward. Easier said than done, but even being aware of yourself helps a ton!

If you have the ruler of your 8H in 8H, you might go through a lot of shitty situations, but you are tough af. This is actually a pretty good aspect because your challenges don't leak to other areas of your life. The only area it affects, ie, the 8H, is about getting involved in other people's lives deeply, psychology and the occult. So you may resort to things like shadow work, alternative healing, etc, to help you transmute all this shadow into light. With this aspect you need to make sure that you don't make 'healing' your entire identity or make your pain your identity, especially if you have a major planetary ruler such as Sun or Moon. You are here to learn about the deeper parts of life, and that is not always dark and shadowy. Sometimes the lessons you learn from other people can be your most motivating teachers in life. So, take it easy. It happens for you, not to you.

If you have the ruler of your 8H in the 9H, you are here to literally find the light at the end of the tunnel. If the 8H is about the shadow, 9H is about the light. Your lessons give you a really big opportunity to go towards the brighter side of things. And at the same time these lessons are very much ingrained with becoming more open minded with life, being interested in learning about life on a higher level such as philosophy or self development. On the other hand, these challenges can also be related with foreign travel, other cultures, higher education, global media platforms, philosophy, etc, so make sure you tackle these accordingly. You struggle more with letting go and getting "lucky" in life because you tend to get comfortable in the uncomfortable side of life. Seek to expand beyond your challenges, and resolve painful situations by connecting with your spiritual/religious side.

If you have the ruler of your 8H in the 10H, you biggest challenges steams from your career and public reputation. You tend to be a bit more secretive about your life when out in public, or simply view others as prying on your private life. People might become manipulative with you when it comes to your career and you might be prone to people spreading batshit about you all the time. There are a lot of ways these events can be tackled, but one of the advice is to not let others know information about your work or achievements unless they are someone you trust A LOT. People can use you to gain some type of fame or take credit for things they didn't even do. You publicly go through tough things, whether that 'public' is just relatives or a few friends/acquaintances. People always get to know about your challenges and lessons for some reason. So, be careful of how much you let random people know.

If you have the ruler of your 8H in the 11H, you experience a bit of similar situation as the ones who has their ruler in the 10H, but the difference is, people use your issues to propel themselves forward in some way or the other. For the 10H persons, people only spread rumors about them and talk about their issues. But for you, people use it to their advantage. You might have a bit of challenge with making genuine connections with others, as in networking and socializing (not personal relationships). These people can use you to advance their career, use and exploit your ideas and work to give themselves a boost. And you might also struggle with creating long term plans and holding your visions. So the advice for the manipulative people part is that hold on until you actually know that someone is trustworthy. And even then, don't tell them everything about your plans and your dreams. 11H or not, some people are very quick to take advantage of our dreams.

If you have the ruler of your 8H in 12H, first of all I want to do is give you a big hug! *sending a virtual hug*. The reason I say this is because both these houses have a reputation for bringing a lot of intense and transformative situations in a person's life in a variety of ways, but not everyone is able to instantly identity these toxic patterns and help themselves get out of it. With this placement your biggest challenges have a deeply rooted karmic hint to them. And almost all the time, it requires for you to understand what that karma is and end that cycle so that you can grow. Based on the planetary ruler in the 12H your situation can be the most intense to least intense, but what is asks for you is to identity the subconscious/subliminal patterns that keep you stuck in life, and transmute them into healing. Take it easy, don't make 'healing' your entire identity. Focus on grounding and your well-being, first and foremost.

Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for more Astrology content 🏹✨️!

[wisteria-lodge]

Guys who Cry in the Harry Potter Books (and Why)

Men do 30% of the crying in the Harry Potter books, even though they represent 66% of the characters (and that's pretty much as expected).* I’m interested in why the crying happens though, and what it says about the characters. For the ladies, crying is neutral - they all cry, and for all sorts of reasons (tired, frustrated, stressed, emotionally overwrought...) Bellatrix, Augusta Longbottom, Ginny, Tonks… all cry. *Hermione* cries thirty separate times over the course of the books. 

Male crying though, that's something that gets mocked (usually by Slytherins.) Pansy calls Neville a “fat little cry baby,” and after Rita’s article (falsely) describes Harry crying, Draco comes in with “Want a hanky, Potter, in case you start crying in Transfiguration?” Of course there’s also “D’you think [Hagrid]’ll cry when they cut off his hippogriff’s - ” right before Hermione slaps him. So making fun of guys for crying is bad right? 

Let’s get into it. 

1 : Crying because of a death

The most “acceptable” reason for male crying. This happens a lot, we are definitely not supposed to think any less of the guys who do it. Mostly it happens *right* at the moment of death, or maybe at the funeral. The exception is Harry, who cries in Book 3 after talking about hearing his parents dying (although the narrative voice DOES let us know that he’s kind of embarrassed about this...)

“Harry suddenly realized that there were tears on his face mingling with the sweat. He bent his face as low as possible, wiping them off on his robes, pretending to do up his shoelace, so that Lupin wouldn’t see.” 

Then he cries again in Book 7, while visiting his parents' graves. But it’s definitely still crying over a death. Just one that Harry takes a little bit longer to process. 

Crying over a Death: Full Breakdown: 

Amos Diggory: 1 (Cedric’s death) 

Arthur Weasley: 1 (Fred’s death)

Harry Potter: 3 (Hedwig, Lily, James)

Rubeus Hagrid: 4 (Dumbledore, Buckbeak, Aragog, Harry) 

Argus Filtch: 1 (thinks Mrs. Norris is dead) 

Xenophillius Lovegood: 1 (thinks Luna is dead) 

Fillius Flitwick: (thinks Ginny is dead) 

Ron Weasley: 1 (Dumbledore’s funeral) 

Elphias Doge: 1 (Dumbledore’s funeral

2: Crying because of Pain

You’d think this one would also be acceptable. But… it really isn’t? Dudley cries when Vernon hits him (but Harry doesn’t.) Peter Pettigrew cries when he cuts off his own hand, Saw style, but it gets framed as blubbering weakness. Pettigrew framed SO pathetically for the entire resurrection scene - and honestly, for the entire rest of the series.

(Which is strange when you think about it. Like objectively, Pettigrew did GOOD. Sure he only likes Voldemort because he’s powerful, but so do most of the Death Eaters, that’s nothing special. Peter found Voldemort, resurrected him single-handedly (ha.) Found Bertha Jorkins,  i.e. the reason Voldemort was able to plan his comeback. Obviously he has god-tier bluffing and lying abilities, as well as enough willpower to cut off a limb. Being able to turn into a rat would make him a really useful spy. Also his spell, the one that killed thirteen muggles and destroyed a street? Most magic we see does not have a blast radius like that. Peter’s formidable. But somehow his job is to hang out and be Snape’s servant? (Is it because he’s not cute?  Is this JKR’s fatphobia rearing its ugly head? Unclear.)

Our last guy crying in pain is Book 1 Neville, after he breaks his wrist during flying lessons. He also “sniffs,” while walking into the Forbidden Forest for detention, which *might* count as crying? But really, Neville cries surprisingly little. We get a lot of “looked as though he might cry” and “on the verge of tears”... but that's not actually crying. And I think that’s because… early-books Neville, yes we’re supposed to see him as a little pathetic. But definitely not as pathetic as Dudley or Pettigrew. 

3: “Childlike” Crying

Sometimes the people who cry are literally little boys. This is also okay. No one is going to judge infant Harry for crying when Voldemort is in the house, or little Severus for crying when his parents are fighting. Interestingly, when Myrtle is talking about Draco crying in her bathroom, Harry assumes she’s talking about someone much younger: 

“There’s been a boy in here crying?” said Harry curiously. “A young boy?” 

But of course, when an adult is crying in a childlike way, it immediately becomes… pathetic. Again we have Pettigrew, who “burst into tears. It was horrible to watch: He looked like an oversized, balding baby, cowering on the floor.” In the Horcrux cave, crying Dumbledore is described “like a child dying of thirst.” Which is also meant to be pathetic, but in more of a ‘Harry has to be the adult now’ sort of way. Also, the potion seems to have made Dumbledore mentally regress back to his youth, so it’s *closer* to a literal “child crying” moment. 

(I considered putting Dumbledore drinking the potion in the ‘pain’ section, but at least in the book I think it’s clear he’s mostly in emotional rather than physical pain.)

Where this gets messy is with the house-elves. House-elves are not children, but they are presented as childlike. They are small and in-your-face, direct even though their problem-solving tends to be very convoluted/not especially logical. I like the present-tense, no pronouns way they speak, but I can’t deny it is kind of baby-talk adjacent. And… house elves are *really* emotional. Dobby, Kreacher (and Winky) cry a LOT. If I had to guess, I would say JKR likes treating house-elves as childlike so it’s more of a surprise when it turns out that one of them was behind everything. But considering that they are slaves, it is gross - considering that one of the main real-world justifications for slavery was ‘slaves are childlike, and unable to take care of themselves.'

There’s also Hagrid. With seventeen separate instances of crying, Hagrid easily cries more than any other guy in the Harry Potter books. And… well… he’s also presented as oddly childlike. He seems much more like Harry and Ron’s contemporary than a peer of the other professors - which is weird, since  if he went to school with Voldemort fifty years ago, he’s in his sixties now. But still, he’s helpless in the face of criticism, he’s comically out of his depth whenever he deals with the Ministry, he’s constantly letting things slip or drastically misjudging danger levels. The first three books all use “Hagrid gets in trouble, the gang has to bail him out” as a plot point, and in Book 4 his sideplot with Madame Maxime gets treated like a schoolboy’s first crush, with all these jokes about him wearing suits that don’t quite fit, and trying and failing to style his hair. Not to mention, we know she’s flattering him because she wants insider info on the Tournament. But he doesn’t know that. 

4. Crying because of Sports

Oliver Wood cries when Gryffindor wins the Quidditch cup. That's all.

And that brings us to our stragglers. The only non-childlike guys who cry for reasons other than death, pain, or sports are as follows: 

Harry Potter: 1 instance of crying

Draco Malfoy: 2 instances of crying

Severus Snape: 2 instances of crying

Albus Dumbledore: 4 instances of crying

Horace Slughorn: 1 instance of crying

Let’s see what’s going on here. 

Harry Potter

Dumbledore had weakened himself by drinking that terrible potion for nothing. Harry crumpled the parchment in his hand, and his eyes burned with tears as behind him. Fang began to howl. He clutched the cold locket in his hand so tightly that it hurt, but he could not prevent hot tears spilling from his eyes

There’s a lot going on in this moment: Harry is tired, frustrated, disappointed, overwhelmed. But even though it is a complex moment, probably the main emotion is still Harry’s attempt to process Dumbledore’s death, now that he finally has a second to do so. So this honestly could have gone in the “Crying because of a death” category. It’s just different enough that I want to specially call it out. 

Draco Malfoy

We hear about Draco crying once from Myrtle, and then see it first hand: 

Malfoy was crying — actually crying — tears streaming down his pale face into the grimy basin.

The narrative takes a second to let us know that he was ACTUALLY CRYING, just to hammer in that this is something unexpected and not-normal. I think I want to attribute Draco’s tendency to cry - and cry because he’s overwhelmed, scared, lonely - to the character’s slight femme coding. What can I say, he cries for ""girly"" reasons. And so does Snape!

Severus Snape 

“Snivellus” is clearly a nickname meant to evoke the idea of “crybaby,” since “sniveling” is a synonym for crying. We also get this: 

Snape was kneeling in Sirius’s old bedroom. Tears were dripping from the end of his hooked nose as he read the old letter from Lily. 

Crying over Lily’s letter could count as crying over a death… but since he’s crying over a letter, not over a grave or her body (like in the movie), I’m going to say that he’s probably crying because of guilt, emotional overload, or love (especially because he rips the ‘love Lily’ off the end of that letter.) Like Draco, Snape might be getting little bit of femme-coding here. He’s the mean-girl type of bully (versus the mean boy) He cries, he threatens to poison people - which is something we only see women (and Draco) actually doing in these books. Idk, he’s an odd one who JKR clearly has very complicated feelings about. 

Albus Dumbledore 

I was actually really surprised that Dumbledore cries as much as he does, and at such unusual times! He cries when he sees Snape’s doe patronus - because of love or just because he’s emotionally overwhelmed. He cries all through the Horcrux cave, primarily because of guilt. He cries twice during the King’s Cross Station vision-quest, once because of his complicated feelings about Harry while he asks for forgiveness, and once over … Grindlewald.

“They say he showed remorse in later years, alone in his cell at Nurmengard. I hope that it is true. I would like to think he did feel the horror and shame of what he had done. Perhaps that lie to Voldemort was his attempt to make amends . . . to prevent Voldemort from taking the Hallow . . .”  “. . . or maybe from breaking into your tomb?” suggested Harry, and Dumbledore dabbed his eyes.

And okay. JKR announced that Dumbledore was gay just a few months after book seven was published, and I think she was folding in deliberate queer-coding as early Book 6. My proof of that is Dumbledore's increased emotionality - as we can see, it’s pretty unusual for men to cry in the Harry Potter books because of “softer” emotions like love, regret, stress etc. It’s something she associates with femininity, and I’m sure she associates gay guys with femininity as well (I mean, that’s a very common thing to do.)

There’s also this interesting passage from Book 6: 

This younger Albus Dumbledore’s long hair and beard were auburn. Having reached their side of the street, he strode off along the pavement, drawing many curious glances due to the flamboyantly cut suit of plum velvet that he was wearing. “Nice suit, sir,” said Harry, before he could stop himself, but Dumbledore merely chuckled.

Now, this is subtle. Wizards out and about in the muggle world often wear unusual colors like purple and emerald green. However. That adjective flamboyantly is only used one other time in the entire series, to describe Fudge’s hand gestures. But here, it is used to describe an outfit, a purple velvet suit which is honestly more than a little bit Oscar Wilde. And “flamboyantly gay” … those are two words often heard together. 

Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but I am pretty sure this is the only opinion about clothing Harry ever expresses aloud. And, I think @niche-pastiche hit the nail right on the head, saying that Harry's "Nice suit, sir" is "SO the response of a young adhd boy in the early 2000s trying not to say "thats gay." 

Horace Slughorn

Horace Slughorn cries at Aragog’s funeral, not really out of grief for Aragog, but mostly out of a maudlin sense of togetherness, nostalgia, and camaraderie. And… I do think we have one more slightly morally ambiguous femme-coded guy on our hands? Like Dumbledore, Slughorn is very much a flashy dresser, with shiny hair and gold buttons on his waistcoat. He loves treats and candies (hey… so does Dumbledore. They’re the only adults with a sweet tooth like that.) He loves fancy dinner parties, and is well-connected without being ambitious the way Lucius is. He also (like Draco) is aligned with pureblood-supremacy, but hyper avoidant of violence and confrontation. Except for the Harry example, I think I’d be comfortable with calling all of these last few instances “Femme-Coded Crying.” 

* Methodology - My list of 208 Harry Potter characters comes from TV Tropes, which had the most complete list. I am excluding characters from Cursed Child and the Fantastic Beasts Films. 

In order to find instances of crying, I searched for the words “cried/cry/crying” “tears” “sob” and “sniff.” I counted each crying episode as one, even if crying was brought up multiple times throughout the scene. I made the fairest call I could whenever I hit a “the crying intensified” or the “the tears restarted,” but I mostly judge pretty conservatively when I’m ringing up data.

[astrologydayz]

ASTRO EVERYTHING NOTES💘

Planets/asteroids/points aspecting Vertex = 3°ORB MAX, unless it’s a minor aspect, then it’s 2🩷!

VERTEX is fate. In SYNASTRY = whatever that's conjunct your Vertex, will be brought2yo ass by that person! Either by being with them, or just by knowing them. No matter what. If it's something "good", amazing!! If it's something like Chiron?? U Betta run, and u betta run fast🗣. Watch out for Medea - 212 in synastry!!! This asteroid is about EXTREME REVENGE!!!🩸

If you're a woman, and another woman is jealous of u/hates on u in public or in "secret"= check out if their BML is conjunct something in your chart!!! It's something I've seen4years. BML aspects are prominent in a synastry chart with a woman who's jealous of u/hates on u/"fake friend". Which is not surprising, actually. BML Is also where u feel the most "left out"/"exiled"2. So it makes sense, that you'll feel jealous of a woman who has all of those things u never had/Will have. just her living nice, & comfortable with whatever it is you're struggling with/struggling2get. Let's say someones BML is conjunct your Venus = they'll be jealous of your lovers, relationships/material things u own/your money/your art - if your job is Venus related - singing/modelling/dancing/working with beautiful things - Venus work)/because of the love u give out/or because YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!! Always look at house/s/sign/s & both natal charts!! That will reveal everything!😘

WOMEN with Mars conjunct/square/quincunx BML usually get a lot of hate from men, because they won't put up with shit! Men are intimidated, but sexually attracted 2 them because of the "I don't give a fuck, I'll say&do what I want attitude"💋. They can also have a lot of pent up rage, when it comes 2 men and their experiences with them. Men can have "used, &abused" them. Many men won't have the guts 2 go for her, hell, they can’t even look her in the eyes 4too long. And she's completely fine with that. She c those men as weak, anyway.

MEN with Venus conjunct/trine/quintile Jupiter. Can get a lot of sexual attraction from women!!! They’re talented when it comes 2 gaining female attraction - and they know it. They naturally excude this magical appeal, that women can’t stand for.

MEN with Moon conjunct Chiron have a very deep scar, when it comes 2 their mom. Their mom was highly likely not really “there" 4 them as a child, especially emotionally. Their mom usually also had to take care of someone else/or something else. They didn't get the mothering love&care they needed from her, so now they go around with, let's call it a 'grudge" towards women. They want to hurt women/their partners, like they've been hurt. & the next problem is that it's all in the back of their subconscious, they're not even "really aware of it". So Until they acknowledge their pain&hurt = They'll keep on projecting their mommy issues onto their partner&keep on hurting themselves❤️‍🩹.

Venus conjunct/trine South Node in SYNASTRY = lovers/married in a past life! They have karmic lessons that needs taken care of, look at house/s, sign/s & both natal charts! Borderline physical attraction between them, &deep deep love&appreciation4each other. SN is typically the one 2 recognise Venus 1st! Venus is usually also South Nodes ideal type. South Node 2 Venus - “I’ve been looking for you for way too long", “we belong together, you and I”, "we're soulmates, I just know it”. Mars conjunct/trine South Node in SYNASTRY = sexual partners from a past life! That's why they're so comfortable with doing sexual things together in this life, when they finally get into it👅. SN knows EXACTLY how the Mars person's body should be devoured/touched. SN is instantly attracted 2 Mars! Karmic lessons here2!!! Look at house/s, sign/s & both natal charts 2 see what kinds of lessons. South Node loveeees the Mars persons body2!! Kinda ideal. And again, South Node is typically the one that recognises their partner 1st - "your touch feels familiar"🫦.

Venus conjunct/trine/quintile Black Moon Lilith In SYNASTRY = crazy sexual attraction because of their intense differences. They can be from two different countries/or one could also "have it all", and the other one? Not so much. It can also show a secret, passionate love affair, between two married people🔞. Or one is married, & the other one isn't. Venus can get obsessed with Lilith pretty quickly - Wanting 2know everything, nothing left out. Venus NEEDS 2 be with Lilith, A LOT. Which is a little dangerous, as Lilith is free & doesn't like it when people try2 control her.

Jupiter conjunct/trine/sextile/quintile Vertex in a NATAL CHART can show fated fame/success! Either material, or spiritual success✨🍀💚.

Neptune trine/sextile/quintile Vertex in a NATAL CHART = a bohemian kind of lifestyle, never really "settling down in one place". & they'll have fated meetings with artistic/creative, or spiritual souls throughout their journey, who will help them achieve their dreams!!!💙

WOMEN with Black Moon Lilith conjunct their Vertex will be put in a lot of "Lilith situations". Like them being in situations where they feel abandoned/alone/ - them being the other woman - getting hated on because of it/being sexualised a lot by men/men testing their boundaries/fighting for their rights - won't bow down2anyone/people trying to undermine them. Most of the time, these women won't put up with anyone trying2 tell them anything. They're independent, &have no problem with being alone💋.

Your ASC in synastry is what u immediately think about someone!!! If your Lust asteroid - 4386 is conjunct someone's ASC = they would have hard time controlling themselves around u/wants 2 rip your clothes off, A LOT. NOT the other way around. IT'S THEIR 1ST HOUSE, NOT YOURS BABE😘. It's something that's always "in your face", 4the ASC person. Venus conjunct ASC IN SYNASTRY = ASC person will find the Venus person beautiful af/VERY physical attractive, as I wrote! "beautiful painting", "are you even real?", "you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen", things like that! Mars conjunct ASC IN SYNASTRY = ASC person is REEEEEAAALLLYYYY sexually attracted 2 Mars persons body/physical looks😽. Sexual chemistry, can be crazy here🫦.

Eros - 433 conjunct ASC in SYNASTRY = Asc person is sexually attracted2 Eros person from first meeting👅 - "Can't keep their hands 2themselves"🔞.

THANKS4READING BEAUTIFUL!!! I APPRECIATE U& Wouldn't do this without you🖤.

[solselah]

GODDESS MESSAGE

𓋹

PILE 1 :

𖤓HATHOR𖤓

Omg so immediately she wants to work with you as far as transformation is concerned!!! She can empathize and understand your emotional pain and physical Boundaries !! She sees that in love you have been so fucked over. Especially with the cheating and not being honest & non comital in totality she really wants to help usher in a new person , a new energy for you ! Even if they start as one of your closest friends ! She wants you to be Content and balanced !! She’s also letting you know , that person who fumbled you is definitely getting their just do with karma! And it manifest in a very specific way for this person , I’ll tell you now she is the reason why ! She’s teaching a very strong karmic lesson to this person & my love, to you as well! The twin flame card is here but I’m not feeling that energy at all , I’m more so feeling that this illusion has crumbled to pieces !! You wouldn’t even “care” if they were considered your twin flame honestly the hurt to you Goes way beyond a “dynamic” your over it ! And she can so sense it ! It’s up to you to be truthful and open to her if you are or plan on working with her energy ! Just know it’s a journey & also not everything is rainbow and unicorns with her ! She’s going to reveal to you some real sh*t !

𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹

PILE 2:

𓋹 🐈‍⬛ BASTET 🐈‍⬛ 𓋹

Bastet would like to tell you that there is some spiritual conversations going on in the spiritual realm about you !! She is showing up to help you out with your life’s purpose , giving you the push and encouragement you need to actually put yourself out there !! She intends for you to come into union with your passion! The issue here is that you are totally not willing to fully receive ! She is very strict about this message but in order to walk with her on this journey she would like to take with you , you would have to open up just a bit more ! Like you do your part she will do hers !! She also has some secrets she would love to disclose to you !! I’m talking she can be your spiritual ears when you aren’t around ! She has your back !! You just have to be actually willing !!

𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹

PILE 3:

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ NUT ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

okay so this beautiful goddess sends you intense messages not sure if you have put a name to who is sending these messages but I hope this helps !!

You dream and almost instantly forget once you wake up , she is in charge of taking up that empty space !! I think she is proving to you that parts of you are very closed off like even to the point where it has gotten spiritually silent for you ! That is intentional and will not LAST ! But she moves in complete silence when it comes down to it. She wants you to know YOU ARE SO PROTECTED! Don’t you even dare try to question that ! Like to the point you question her she might let a small mishap happen just so you see her energy LIVE IN ACTION !! She is Very big on lessons with you!! She can see future YOU , and honestly you are going places my friend ! So idk if you would officially decide to work with her but I do know she is there & around ! It’s like she is your encourager someone on the “sideline” for you spiritually!

𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹

PILE 4:

𓍝 MAAT 𓍝

“Give me the energy “

You could be so “bleh” right now like things just don’t seem worth being excited over, for you! She wants to bring you to a grounded space ! It’s obvious you aren’t the same person that you were like last year emotionally ! And she can see you doing better if you were to focus on your emotionally health ! Like she even encourages therapy or a tool that you can utilize to express exactly how you feel ! She also would love to just hear from you ; she can be that for you ! That support.

Although she will tell the truth EVERY TIME! And it may sting real bad , it’s imperative so that you can get up out of this state. It feels good to you right now but she can sense other things that you may not be able to at the moment. So she’s here to ground you , help put your feet on solid ground!!! I also see incense she may want you to burn some for her !! Also I’m getting heavy Aquarius energy along with Uranus energy !! She is highlighting a spiritual cleanse you may need to do !!

𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹𓋹

Hope you enjoy ❤️

IG:@soleccentric

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒍𝒍 𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one has the silver airpods, pile two is the pink cord phone, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don't be afraid to say if the message resonated or not; it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it's "bad".

this PAC is a collab with @icanseethefuture333, so be sure to check out their post also!

good luck to you, reader 🌷

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Signs:

"i don't forgive you", harboring anger towards someone, heavy fire (aries, leo, sagittarius) in birth chart, red, passion, danger, hera, broken marriages/family, non-committal, metatron, spiritual power, turtles, tigers, turkeys. broken headphones, "you're not listening"

Shufflemancy:

"Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" by Lil Nas X

"Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen

"Blow Us All Away" from Hamilton the Musical

"Intro" by J. Cole

"Angels We Have Heard on High" by Pentatonix

"Sorry, I Love You" by Stray Kids

Cards:

Four of Cups, Knight of Cups (Rx), Six of Swords (Rx), Two of Wands, Five of Wands, Seven of Coins, The Fool (Rx), Turtle (Rx), Tiger, Turkey

Reading:

For those who chose pile one, one lesson you will encounter will be in regards to you seemingly sitting on the sidelines in life. At one point, you may feel disconnected and apathetic about life; you may think, "what's the point of doing what I'm doing if I'm not seeing any results for it." There will be times when people will try to help you enjoy life more instead of being moody and unhappy with what you're doing, but J. Cole says it best when he asks, "do you wanna be happy?". Someone might literally ask you that (or people have done so in the past), and you often say "no" without saying no by not taking action to be happy. 

Those who chose this pile may have a lot of unresolved emotional baggage they refuse to acknowledge, but your lesson will be in recognizing that baggage and unloading it. You may have been resisting a transition period in your life for as long as possible, and in 2024 that won't be allowed anymore. Saying "no" to happiness will not be an option; you will be thrown into tackling your anger, former traumas, apathy about life, etc. head on. The only real thing you can decide at this point is whether or not you're going to plan for it now that you know it's coming or allow life to take you through it however ough that may be. 

You will be pushed to be competitive about what it is you want. There may be a lot of conflict, and you may even feel jealous of others at one point; you may think, "why is it that my growth and transition is so much harder compared to everyone else's?". There may even be a point during the year where you feel as if you're guides or the universe or whoever/whatever you believe in isn't listening to you, but the truth is everyone experiences growing pains, and you have to figure out how to persevere and get over your fears the same way everyone else does. As stated before, refusing to grow and transition is not an option, but your attitude as you experience it is a choice you make; you can make it easier or harder on yourself by having an open mind. 

This year, you will be going from being a turtle to a tiger. You will no longer be allowed to take your time in regards to things in your life that are keeping you from growing into someone who is healthier and happier: mentally, physically, emotionally, and everywhere else. You will be stepping into your own power and your attitude will determine if you step into it gracefully or not. Overall, your lesson will be in learning how to free yourself from your own chains.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Signs:

"be free", the sun, heavy fixed sign energy, ceres, gemini, pluto, neptune, feeling disconnected from venus placement, having trouble speaking, 111, manifestations, "coming in", "i'm walking", "be realistic", mercedes, goose/geese

Shufflemancy:

“Love Like Woe” by The Ready Set

“One Step At a Time” by Jordin Sparks

“Are You That Somebody” by Aaliyah

“This World” by Ateez

“Can You Stand the Rain” by New Edition

“What Comes Next?” from Hamilton the Musical

Cards:

Eight of Coins (Rx), King of Swords (Rx), Five of Wands (Rx), The Hanged Man, King of Coins, Seven of Coins, The Sun, Fixed, Ceres, Sagittarius (Rx), 111, Mercury (Rx), Venus (Rx), Neptune, Pluto

Reading:

If you chose this pile, your lesson for the year deals with your self-worth and self-determination. “One Step At a Time” by Jordin Sparks seems to fit your energy best for this next year. It seems some of this energy may be lingering from last year also, but during 2024 you may feel as if you’re doing a lot of work but receiving no benefits from it. Eventually, this lack of success and recognition could wear on you, and you could wonder if what all you’re doing is even worth it. With your work, it could seem as if you do so much, but it’s just not quite enough to other people - even if you’re trying your absolute hardest. You could end up feeling unappreciated and as if you’re not advancing anywhere. 

It seems someone could be turning people away from you. For some people, this is a literal person who you may get along with, but you don’t really confront them when it comes to what they’re doing. For others of you, this is the universe purposefully blocking things from you because you’re trying to speed up the time you get certain things, and it’s telling you, “this isn’t how that works”. Regardless, there is someone or something in a higher position keeping you from reaching the success you think you deserve. This conflict will frustrate you throughout the year, and it could prove difficult for you to deal with. 

With the Hanged Man and Five of Wands (Rx), you’re being asked to compromise and re-think why you think you deserve recognition or success in a certain way. Is your reasoning valid or in good faith? Is your way really the only way you can gain what it is you’re wanting? Is what you’re wanting the best for you? I’m reminded of the meme (I guess is what it is) where a little girl is holding a small teddy bear or something, and Jesus is asking her to give it to Him, and she’s refusing, but the audience can see that He has an even bigger teddy bear for her; I feel like this will represent how your success for this year will be. You may have one view of how you want it, but that result keeps getting pushed back or thwarted because you’re thinking too small. 

The action of patience will be your most important lesson this year. “Can You Stand the Rain” fits really well for this closing part of the reading. You will be learning how to wither the storm of seemingly being overlooked and having your ideas of abundance not being given to you how and when you want in exchange for even better and more success to meet you at the end. As is always said, “patience is a virtue”.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Signs:

222, swan, itchy left palm, losing items, “i’m so sorry”, prominent sagittarius and/or gemini placements, heavy mutable energy, neptune dominant or many aspects to neptune, ducks, water, lust for nostalgia, being lost in your memories

Shufflemancy:

“In Love with Another Man” by Jazmine Sulllivan

“needy” by Ariana Grande

“Halazia” by Ateez

“Home” by Todrick Hall

“6 Foot 7 Foot” by Lil Wayne (feat. Corey Gunz)

“Put It On Da Floor Again” by Latto (feat. Cardi B)

Cards:

Queen of Cups (Rx), Six of Cups (Rx), Ace of Wands, Ten of Coins, The Sun, Six of Coins, The Emperor, Memories (Rx), Mutable (Rx), Sagittarius (Rx), Planetary Retrograde (Rx)

Reading:

For those choosing pile three, your lesson during the year will relate to you recognizing yourself more. Those who chose this pile may feel disconnected from their emotions or feel very emotionally drained last year and entering the new year. You may be very used to letting people utilize you in their lives however they want while when it comes to you needing people, they often are away or too busy to care about you. You could be prone to co-dependent relationships where you feel like you need to be needed or of help to someone and they to you, but you let them give you the bare minimum while you give your all. 

Earlier, I thought you might be someone who doesn’t like remembering things or has a hard time with their memory, but it’s actually the opposite! You’re someone who loves to get lost in the past and what used to be; the song “Could’ve Been” by H.E.R feels relevant. For some reason the energy for this pile feels very connected to a relationship that you may miss during the year. It seems you will eventually come to the realization that you’re losing yourself to the past and recognize you need to garner up the willpower to keep going for the present. You will gain the energy to begin doing things for yourself instead of for the sake of pleasing others. You will be recognizing how important you are to yourself, and/or you will be building up that importance. 

During this year, you will be building a new foundation where you do things for you. You will be focusing on your own growth and prioritizing self-care. You will learn how to put your happiness above other people's, which might be an issue you have been avoiding for a while. Rather than relying on others for emotional stability and to qualify your self-worth, you will likely end up doing a ton of introspection to discover what makes you happy solo. If you’re someone who is chronically in relationships, you may take a well-needed break in order to discover yourself like you’ve been putting off doing. 

Overall, your lesson for the new year involves being your own rock so to speak. You will be learning how to set boundaries to protect yourself from people who are no good for you because they want to be like vampires in using you. Instead, you will focus on yourself and your ideals, wants, desires, and emotions. Your lesson this year will be learning how to focus on you.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Signs:

having a lot of conjunctions in natal or solar return chart, heavy fixed energy, being born on a new moon, heavy uranus energy, “i don’t forgive you”, heavy fourth house placements and energy, “i don’t forgive you”, (oak) trees, miracles, unicorns

Shufflemancy:

“Focus” by Ariana Grande

“Hello” by J. Cole

“Lonely St.” by Stray Kids

“On It” by Jazmine Sullivan (feat. Ari Lennox)

“Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen

“New Money” by Leikeli47

Cards:

Ace of Cups, Four of Coins, The Devil, Temperance, Knight of Coins, King of Cups, Judgement, The Fool, Conjunction, Fixed, New Moon, Uranus, 4H, Trees, Miracles

Reading:

Those choosing this final pile, your lessons this year may relate to embracing new beginnings and a fresh start. For you, I’m reminded of all these rituals people are engaging in as we all enter the new year: eating black eyed peas, not washing clothes, having someone with money enter the house first, eating grapes under a table at midnight, and everything else. It seems you’re in the energy of “new year, new me”! With that, your lessons seem to relate to putting that quote to the test and seeing if you’re actually ready to embrace what comes with newness. 

You could be losing things and people this year; maybe you fall out with certain people in your friend group, or you lose your job, or you graduate from school, or you’ll find a whole new group of friends. In general, the concept of not getting so attached to things or people to the point where you’re unwilling to separate from them comes to mind. Not that you can’t also develop strong attachments and relationships! But, when it’s time to let a situation or person go do not spend so much time trying to get them to stay. “When it’s time to go; it’s time to go”. 

Do not become obsessive about things and people you come into contact with this year. The phrase, “there’s a time and season for everything” is very important! “Be flexible” is the best advice I could give for those reading this pile. Being flexible does not entail not working hard though; find a balance between being hardworking and putting in effort and also being open to change and loss. There is a major emphasis on balance and being in control when it comes to your emotions but also overall this year. 

Overall, your lessons deal with being open to the change that comes with a new year and declaring that you’re ready for new things. You still need to put in work and go about life and strive to achieve what it is you want - in relationships, friendships, work, your daily life, and more, but you also need to be willing to let people and things go when the universe tells you they’re no longer serving or helping you. Truly, be open to the new beginnings you’re saying you want. 

[heartlilith]

Solar Return Observations🦋

Having Venus in the 12th squaring the MC can mean that your relationship drama is the topic of conversation in the workplace that year

Any planet that resides/aspects your MC, could very well become public knowledge that year. For example; Venus - love life, Mars - sex life, Pluto - secrets

In your Solar and Lunar Return Chart, make sure to look at degrees. 29 degrees in Venus could mean a relationship comes to an end or a love-related chapter closes in a big way. Moon in 29 degrees could mean emotionally maturing and getting past hurt you held onto in the past; finally getting over something

For 0 degrees, expect a fresh start. Say the planet Mercury, you may say things that offend people or maybe you're insensitive (with or without meaning it) and people are correcting you a lot that year, "don't say that". Or you start studying something new and you make a lot of mistakes on exams because it's a fresh start! All this depends on houses and aspects, either way there's a lot of learning that has to be done with 0 degree placements.

If your natal Sun, Moon, or Rising falls into your SR 12th house, you won't feel like yourself that year. The good part is that you'll come out of the year wiser and more mature.

Neptune in the 8th house in the Solar or Lunar Return should be very very very careful of substance use or anything potentially addictive. Neptune= addictions, illusion, smoky mirrors, 8th house= obsession, transformation, death and rebirth, finances

Having Sun in the 12th house this Solar Return Year is fucking wild. You realize so much shit. I have Venus there too. The rose colored glasses have come off and I see things way different than I did before. BIG realizations that are painful and uncomfortable but they're growing pains, necessary.

Your Moon sign in your Solar Return Chart can show how you emotionally react to things this year. Cancer Moon = you're going to be more sensitive, take things personally, be more empathetic in situations, have more emotional depth this year and be more caring and compassionate with yourself and others. Sagittarius Moon = you'll be able to see things in a broader way when faced with problems, it'll be easier for the problems to roll of your shoulders, you'll learn a lot emotionally and take things as lessons.

Your rising sign in the Solar Return Chart is going to be how you approach and see things in the world and how the world sees and approaches you. Having Scorpio/Pluto in the 1st house- learning, growing, and transformation that year will be huge and more or less drastic, you may transform others/situations that you come into contact with as well. Aries/Mars in the 1st house- you may approach things with more energy and vitality, this could rub off on the people around you and they could become energized too by feeding off that energy.

Uranus in the 10th house means you're 90% likely to change your job in some way; whether losing your job, being promoted and having completely different tasks OR working remotely or online more

Sun aspects are at the forefront in SR Charts (unless Sun is in the 12th house). If the orb is below 3 degrees, you'll exhibit the traits of the aspecting planet... a lot. Square/Opposition - more of the negative traits, Conjunction/Trine/Sextile - more positive traits.

Sometimes you have to think past the general meanings of the houses and instead, learn how the houses specifically relate to you. For me, I had Moon in the 6th house and I'm thinking my health will fluctuate more and I'll be working around women more for the year. Instead, I adopted 2 kittens and they became my world, along with my 1 year old dog I adopted last year. They are my children and I am their mother! My days consisted of taking care of them and also working and they became a source of therapy for me.

Alternative Meanings of the Houses:

1st house - What energy we rub off on the people around us, the lense we're using to see the world (pessimistic, realistic, optimistic, delusional, naive), the vibe of the situations we'll be faced with (Moon/Cancer - emotional situations, Sun/Leo - public/in the spotlight situations, Saturn/Capricorn - mature/karmic situations)

2nd house - How what we buy affects our self worth, for example, Neptune/Pisces - buying a lot of charts and readings that year, maybe feeling unsure or lost. Moon/Cancer - Buying a lot of blankets, pillows, food, maybe you're striving to feel more comfortable and stable. Jupiter/Sagittarius - Buying a house or paying for school, maybe you're trying to expand and learn. Trying to take the next step.

5th house - Your free time, what helps you relax/channel energy. Taurus - eating a good meal, laying on the couch. Gemini - driving around town, hanging out with friends. Aquarius - yoga, reading a book, or scrolling social media

10th house - When people gossip about you, the topics give off _____ vibes. Pluto/Scorpio - dark, secretive, mysterious ("what happened to her?" "Who is he?" "where are they from?"). Venus/Libra/Taurus: jealous, shallow, materialistic vibes (office romances, about your beauty or clothes). Mercury/Gemini//Virgo - harsh, calculated, competitive (how smart you are/how you're a know it all, where you went to school, your job tasks)

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Masterlist

[katyusha454]

I think I've found the most tragic ship in BG3 and I need to rant about it

I've seen a decent number of people discuss and write about Dark Justiciar Shadowheart, but they always focus on what she's like post-game when she's fully committed to Shar. Which is a fine thing to focus on! Especially when you're writing smut where she's a mean domme. Post-game DJ Shadowheart is a fascinating character. But I feel like people neglect to consider what she's like during the transition phase of Act 3, where she's become Shar's Chosen but hasn't yet Done The Thing that caps off her personal questline. And there is SO MUCH potential for angst and drama during that time frame.

IMO the most important aspect of this stage of her development is that she is not evil yet. She simply made a single bad decision and now she feels like she's in too deep to do anything but double down on it. She's spent her whole life trying to "fake it 'till you make it" and she's only just now starting to transition out of that and into sincere belief. All the misgivings and insecurities she's shared with you are still there, just buried deeper. That desire to love others and do good hasn't yet been completely stamped out. In my Dark Justiciar Origin run, I try to do good things whenever possible as long as I can find a way to rationalize it as benefiting Shar. (but I still ended up saying enough evil-sounding things to make Minthara incredibly horny for me)

So where does Karlach fit in?

Well, turns out when you play as Origin Shadowheart, Shar doesn't make you break up with your partner. In fact, Shar says absolutely nothing to you about your romantic situation. This is really weird if you're romancing anyone other than Karlach, but I think it makes perfect sense for Shar to tolerate a relationship with Karlach for the time being. It's the ideal opportunity for Shar to prove a point. Karlach is dying, and no matter what Shadowheart does, this relationship is going to end in painful loss. Shar wants Shadowheart to fall in love with Karlach only to have that love abruptly ripped away from her. It perfectly demonstrates everything Shar believes about love: that it's fleeting and will always hurt you in the long run. Better to just avoid it entirely so you don't get hurt.

And Shadowheart knows all this. She's studied Sharran scripture extensively, after all. She knows that Shar is trying to teach her a lesson, she knows that the longer the relationship lasts and the more emotionally intimate it gets, the more the end is going to hurt. So why doesn't she break it off? Partly it's because she loves Karlach and doesn't want to end things; she's probably in denial at least a little bit. But I think it's also partly because she's a bit of a masochist. She thinks she deserves to suffer because she knows, at least subconsciously, that she's still not a very good Sharran. She can see the loss coming and she hopes the experience will bring her closer to Shar.

You'd think Karlach would be unwilling to put up with DJ Shadowheart's fanatical bullshit, but personally I think Karlach would stick it out for a whole mess of reasons. Number one, she can still see the good in Shadowheart and she refuses to give up on her partner. She's clinging tightly to the hope that Shadowheart can still be redeemed, even though she probably understands that it's a long shot at best.

Number two, she blames herself. When you play as Tav/Durge or another Origin, Shadowheart will have a conversation with you before deciding what to do in the Shadowfell. But if you play as Shadowheart, none of your companions says a word to you. In the context of this ship, I choose to interpret that as Karlach being too trusting. She's seen the good in Shadowheart, after all. She's so certain Shadowheart will do the right thing that she doesn't think she needs to speak up. It's not until too late that she realizes what Shadowheart needed was for someone to say "hey, are you sure about this?" So now she feels she needs to make up for that failure somehow by continuing to try and nudge Shadowheart in the right direction even though it seems impossible.

And number three, Karlach's just plain lonely. As fucked-up as this relationship is, she's still getting companionship and intimacy, and she doesn't think she has time to cultivate a new relationship if she breaks up with Shadowheart. She wants someone to be with her and hold her hand at the end, even if that someone is a brainwashed cultist.

In sum, both of them know that their relationship is extremely unhealthy; that it's hurting them now and will hurt them more in the future. But they both refuse to end it for their own reasons. And good gods, the ANGST. ARE YOU FEELING IT NOW, MISTER KRABS?

[sylvies-chen]

roy’s story at the press conference actually breaks my heart and I’m crying even just thinking about it now. like. picture a young and stupid roy kent sitting in the icu with a black eye and broken ribs and physically is feeling like shit but it means nothing because he fees so much worse emotionally. he learns about the loss of his teammate’s baby and he just feels like a fucking fool and an awful person because any sane person would feel that way. picture a young kid version of roy finally being able to walk again, finally getting checked out of the hospital with major injuries, and all he can think is that he deserved it. roy learned ted’s lesson of “treat others kindly because you never know what somebody else has got going on in their life” years ago and it’s why when jamie shows up and is just a dickhead to innocent people egging his own players on he just Cannot Fucking Handle It and stands up to him, because he used to be that kid and hates himself for it a bit.

and it’s also why he’s the first to hug jamie when jamie’s dad comes into the dressing room in season 2, because he really realizes that jamie’s got something shitty going on in his life too and wants to support him the way he never got to support his older teammate all those years ago.

I think about how roy carries these moments from his past with him and how much he finds all of it integral to who he is, how his mistakes and his pain have been the foundations to the better person he’s become and is still working to become, and just. yeah. this was the class act roy kent moment we’ve been missing all fucking season. someone who owns up to the shit they’ve done and shows how the bad choices can make you better when you learn from them. MY MAN.

[trappedinafantasy37]

Since Minthara presents an exterior shell made of steel, and she's sometimes mean, and is an absolute badass in battle, she is often treated and perceived as someone who feels no emotions. And this often occurs to individuals who do put on such a tough exterior. It also does not help that many people perceive evil characters as incapable of doing or feeling anything other than evil. That love and evil are innately incompatible.

But Minthara is not emotionless, she does feel things. Sadness, grief, fear, loneliness, anger, anxiety, paranoia, vengeance, love. She can laugh, she can tell jokes, she can cry, she can smile, and she does get upset at things. If anything, she is emotionally repressed and emotionally guarded and the times where she does really express her more negative and vulnerable emotions is when it becomes too much to hold back and it comes out a little over the top. We have to remember she comes from a society in which such outward emotional expression would be rewarded with social punishment, religious scorn, or even death. So she really doesn't have the healthiest mechanisms to express her emotions.

She hides what she feels all the time as a means of keeping herself safe from punishment. She keeps it to herself cause she does not want you to see her as weak, as she would have been in the past. And she certainly does not want you or anyone else to punish her for it either. She hides behind little pet names and even using words from languages she knows you don't understand as that is the only way she feels safe being vulnerable with you. In her past, her love was rewarded with new wounds and new scars. She is terrified to open up to you, fearing that you will hurt her because she loves you. That her love for you won't actually be enough to stop you from hurting her. And she will only ever admit she loves you in contexts that have a high risk of death because there's really not much for her to lose at that point so she may as well tell you.

She also has a habit of intellectualizing what she feels and experiences so that they appear as "rational" and "logical" rather than emotional and to distance herself from her emotions. She says it takes a sharp mind to have sympathy for someone who suffers unnecessarily. She is trying to make it appear that emotions like sympathy is a matter of the mind, not the heart. That it is a mark of intelligence, because otherwise it would be the mark of weakness.

She blames herself for her own torments, like she deserved the awful things that happened to her. She frames the situation like she is more at fault and more deserving of blame, than the people who hurt her. It is the only way she can find any reason in what happened to her and any reason in her tormentors actions. That she did something wrong and induced someone's wrath upon her, rather than acknowledging that the person who hurt her is just a bad person.

She deserved what Ketheric and Orin did to her because she was "weak, passive, proud". That her emotional state had blinded her from the trap that was set, giving Ketheric and Orin ample opportunity to attack her. That if she hadn't felt those exact emotions, then it wouldn't have happened. She could have seen the trap coming, or she could have fought back.

Or if you attempt to tell her that her childhood was rough and her mother abused her, she immediately deflects by saying, "it could have been worse" and therefore, what she did actually experience wasn't really that bad. And yeah, sure, maybe she needed certain lessons given that she lived in a cruel and dangerous society like Menzoberranzan where she had to be prepared for violence at all times. But trauma is not born of love, it is born of fear, of pain, of agony, and her mother still tried to kill her. Regardless of her mother's intent, it was the first broken bond of trust and it left a mark on Minthara. Where she began to believe that her mother would torment her for torments sake, and she had doubts on whether or not her mother actually loved her.

When you encounter the first Orin imposter, it's pretty damn obvious she is terrified. And you kinda gotta squeeze it out of her to admit that she's afraid. Where it's "I'm afraid of Orin because she is capable of this, this, and this, and you should be too" rather than "I am afraid of Orin because she hurt me." And she begs you, BEGS, to keep her safe because she knows her fear makes her vulnerable to Orin.

She doesn't even truly acknowledge that she wasn't at fault for what Orin did to her until Orin is dead. She doesn't start putting the blame on Orin until Orin is dead. She doesn't go through the emotional process of sympathizing with herself until Orin is dead. And she doesn't admit that she undoubtedly has trauma, until Orin is dead. She gets so wrapped up, and so lost in her own fear and paranoia that she never has the room to properly process the things that happen to her. That her primary concern right now is keeping you, the others, and herself safe and her emotions can wait because wallowing in them will only make her weak. Only does the distance of death give her the room to start healing. Only problem is that there have always been threats and they never end, they never stop. So it is rare for Minthara to ever have a moment of peace and safety to work through what she feels and they just get backed up. Ignoring your problems does not make them go away.

So you wanna know what will happen when an embrace Durge betrays her? She will fall to her death, a knife in her belly, blaming herself for your betrayal. All her worst fears have come to pass and you were indeed a lover who hurt her because she loved you, and that she was a fool to ever trust you at all. That if she didn't love you, maybe you wouldn't have hurt her. She doesn't understand your reasoning, she can't make sense of it, she doesn't know why you'd betray her, so it must have been her fault for thinking you'd be different. That if she hadn't been so loyal, so devoted, that she could have been spared. That her belief that you would rule together is what damned her. She will die blaming herself for her own murder before she ever gets a chance to start blaming you.

[daydreamcloudshiding]

#1 Astrology Observations

If you have Sun, Moon, Venus, Lilith, or Pluto with Chiron in synastry, you both can either really heal each other without even trying (like one person might say the right things at the right time, they have the same life principles or values, they truly understand each other's pain that other people are unable to) or, both parties will trigger each other so much that one person might hate the other person intensely. These triggers are supposed to open opportunities for healing, but if one or both are not ready or too immature, there'll be so much pain and chaos in the relationship.

In my experiences, if you have Sun-North Node synastry, the Sun person can really be the North Node biggest lesson in life. Now this doesn't mean that it's gonna be bad or hurtful, but the Sun person truly embody the characteristics and skills that North Node person really needs to reach stability in their life.

People with heavy air signs in their chart are very individualistic. Like they care, but they don't. The way the share their caring side to you is usually through facts and knowledge. If you have synastry with someone, mostly in air houses or someone with heavy air signs, the way you both bond with each other is usually very cerebral. There needs to be mental connection. Communication is very important to them. They won't bother with trying to read between the lines.

If you have Moon or Venus square Pluto synastry with someone, the Moon will become so emotionally and mentally attached to Pluto person. The Moon will feel the most secure when they are with the Pluto person, but also can sense that there's this danger with Pluto but they can't put their finger on it. The Pluto person will be attracted to this dynamic because it gives them a sense of power, but at the same time this will trigger their biggest fear (it could be betrayals, abandonment, etc) from the Moon or Venus person because, just as much as the Moon or Venus person is attached, the Pluto is attached too. The Moon is soft in their approach, while Pluto is not. This is a little bit like if the Moon is suspicious that Pluto is cheating, and just being quiet about it while they try to find out the truth. While Pluto might demand the Moon to give their phone's password, their social media, etc. The Moon can become elusive, the Pluto can become controlling.

My biggest turn off is Mercury square Mercury in synastry. Truly, in this synastry, both seems to never be able to truly understand each other. In my experience, any form of emotional attachment feels forced. Like one could care about the other person, but at the same time, they always will feel so offended by what the other person said. It feels forced as if both are such two different pieces of puzzle. It's like one person see the other person as aliens. I think people tend to underestimate this aspect in synastry, probably because Mercury isn't exactly a "love" planet. With square Venus, it is merely love languages. But with Mercury, the other person usually don't have the capacity to see or comprehend the other person's worldview, or experiences. One person might stay away from the other as to not argue with them, and the other will see this as abandonment. If one person opens their mouth about anything, they will be dismissed as ignorant. This aspect is very tricky and hard in synastry. Both will just argue a lot.

If you have any Saturn conjunction synastry with someone, somehow the energy of the relationship feels stifling, but it's not the point of it. It feels stifling because Saturn is about self-control and order. I adore this synastry with someone that you are in romantic relationship with, because it's also about devotion and faithfulness. The stifling part can be that you both become so careful of not saying the wrong thing because you can sense how delicate the other person's feelings is, and there's a huge sense of responsibility here, almost as if the other person's feelings or well being is your responsibility too, and vice versa. Saturn conjunct Sun/Moon make the Saturn person feels responsible to the Sun/Moon person, while the Sun/Moon person somehow perceive the Saturn person as someone who is highly respected and experienced.

If you have very little to no aspects (especially conjunction) with someone in synastry (especially in personal planet), it makes it very hard for the both of you to relate to each other's feelings. Even if both of you are generally nice people and treat the other good, it feels like they can't truly understand you, nor you understand them.

People with Saturn and Pluto dominant people usually have a lot of karma. Now this doesn't always means that it's bad, but really be careful of what you do as it will come back to you 10 times more. Saturn and Pluto deals with power and control, but actually mostly it's about self-control and self-empowerment. It's not so much about controlling other people or try to overpower others. If you have Pluto/Saturn aspects with someone and you are the Saturn/Pluto person, try to think about this. It's never about controlling other people or your partner.

People with Uranus in 7th unconsciously trying to find/attract partners who are unstable, be it mentally or financially, etc. It's really awful though because their relationship might effected them mentally so much to the point where they might spiral into depression. If you have this in your natal chart, please pay attention to the reasons as to why you are attracted to your person. I'm not saying that we should not date someone based on their mental health/financial status. But if you know that this person will likely mess with your head or life, please think about this thoroughly. What i noticed is, Uranus in 7th house people really desire to have a beautiful and stable romantic life but unconsciously attracted to people who won't give them exactly that.

If you have Venus in earth houses (2,6,10) people will generally see you as the stable one in relationships, even if you're not, even if you're awkward or inexperienced. It's generally because people see you as someone who's practical in relationships and most likely attract partners who are reliable too.

If you have 11th house synastry with someone and you attracted to them romantically, you guys might started off with friendship first. Or, there is this element of friendship in this relationship. Both of you don't always act romantic but somehow you guys get each other so easily. Like you guys might finish each other's sentences.

Mars in 4th house synastry means when the Mars person gets angry, it'll somehow feel familiar to the 4th house person or vice versa. Like when this person gets angry, it reminds you of when your own parents gets angry and how they act when they are angry. If you are close with your parents, it might means that you can handle their anger easily because you just know that to do.

When you have 8th house in composite or synastry, you will not ever doubt their feelings for you. For example, if you have moon in 8th house, you know damn well that this person loves you and so are they, they know that you love them so much.

If you find yourself so attracted to certain sign so much, check the degree of your Venus sign. For example, if you have Venus in 1 degree, you might find yourself so attracted to Aries.

If you have a lot of 2nd and 8th house conjunction with someone, it can mean that they will spoil you so much and vice versa. It's like an instinct, like they will naturally want to buy you things and so are you.

People always talk about how the sign in your 7th house is your romantic partner, but the 7th house also represent hidden enemies. For example, I have Cancer in my 7th house (Capricorn Rising), and i swear to whatever people finds holy, I cannot stand them no matter how nice i am to them, they are always so suspicious of me and start to talk sh*t behind my back. The only Cancer placement that i can get along with are Cancer Mars and Cancer Rising.

[kingkat12]

omg I love your fics so so so much and I think you would absolutely nail a fanfic where roman is teaching reader how to smoke? or something like that 😭 like it being really intimate and stuff ughh idk but roman smoking just makes me go absolutely feral

Roman..... teaching reader.... how to smoke....?

do you.... want to give me..... a heart attack......?

THIS WAS SO DAMN HOT IT MADE MY BREATH HITCH WHEN I READ THIS, you BET i want to write this!!! you know me, i love writing reader having her first time doing anything at all lol, this was PERFEEEECT!! hope i've done your request justice, thank you so much for this one!!<3333

nymphomaniac (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, smoking, mentions of sex, angst, flirting deluxe, Roman's mouth is FOUL

summary: not all lessons are good for you-- especially the ones taught by the notorious Roman Godfrey, who you also happen to have a history with

word count: 2,425

a/n: and this is NO WAY an encouragement to smoke, i don't smoke myself so... heh. read at your own risk i suppose, and be critical of what you read on the internet PLEASE!! mwah

How to smoke – a thorough guide by Roman Godfrey. That was a book I wouldn’t buy in a million years; why give a millionaire more money?

Thankfully, I didn't have to pay anything to get a free trial from the author of said imaginary book.

Roman sat next to me on the porch leading up to the house of the party we were at, having asked me to follow him outside to escape all the noise. I wouldn’t have gone with him, had I not started to get a headache from what I could frankly only call ear-rape. “It’s too fucking loud in there,” I muttered, shifting on the uncomfortable step. “There’s a reason I don’t go to these things very often.”

Roman shrugged, patting down the pockets of his jacket. “It’s not usually this bad when someone else hosts. But I heard this guy is notorious for being legally deaf, so that might explain it,”

“I wouldn’t be shocked if he did that to himself,”

With a laugh, Roman pulled out an orange-hued box of cigarettes, shaking his head. “It’s too bad you don’t attend parties that often. I never see you anymore, y’know? Just bring some earplugs if you’re so bothered by the damn noise,” 

Oh. My heart jumped with a jolt of pain. I cleared my throat; “Of course you don’t see me anymore, Roman… We broke up two months ago,” 

Despite seeing it coming from miles away, it had been the hardest breakup of my life. I knew whom I had gotten into a relationship with, knew exactly what kind of a guy Roman was, so I had been emotionally prepared for it when it all fell apart. The relationship had been more of a whirlwind thing, a lust thing, which had left me with a very bad case of being-walked-in-on PTSD. That one time Roman decided he wanted to go down on me at school, only for my math teacher to walk in on us in the classroom, was a memory I was sure I would never forget. Sadly. 

However, the bliss of being sexually compatible couldn’t carry the relationship forever, and I was aware of that long before he was. Around the time we hit the one-month milestone, I could see in his gorgeous green eyes that he was tired. Roman needed to be free to function, free to fuck any girl that walked by, and free to disappear for hours and come back whenever it pleased him. 

And what did I need? I wasn’t so sure anymore. 

If I were to use my brain and ponder that question once more, I would conclude that I needed to stop sitting next to my hot ex-boyfriend who was now lighting one of his classic cigarettes. Roman knew I didn’t approve, knew how many times I had told him it was cancer on a stick—still, I settled for the fact that he wasn’t scared of death. Actually, he probably wasn’t scared of anything other than real commitment. 

With a sigh, Roman nodded to himself. “I’m aware, but I’m still allowed to miss the sight of you,” He turned to me, his strikingly green gaze piercing mine— I held my breath. This was getting intense. Nonetheless, the next thing that rolled out of his mouth caught me off guard; “Do you have a lighter?” 

… What? “Roman, you know I don’t smoke,”

He shrugged, the corners of his mouth tugging into a smirk. “Worth a shot. I had hopes that you’d at least managed to become an arsonist in our time apart, maybe then you’d carry a lighter around with you,” Like this, faced with his heartbreakingly beautiful smile beneath the hues of the moonlight, I was reminded of the first thought I ever had when I met him; he was so… cool. Roman always looked so damn cool. I loved the way it made my heart flutter— the feeling of being with the coolest guy at school was still the most thrilling feeling of all. I felt cool, knowing he wanted to sit next to me instead of being inside the loudest party of the year hunting down his next lay. 

It was impossible not to smile back. “Don’t be so disappointed. At least I’m still a cannibal,”

Humored, Roman chuckled; “Glad to hear it,”

“And you’re still a nymphomaniac,”

That seemed to strike a nerve— Roman let out an offended huff, now patting down the pockets of his jeans. “Forget it. I never go anywhere without my lighter, anyway,” he mumbled.

Oh no. “I didn’t mean it as an insult! We were joking, Roman. You’ve never been the type to hide that you like… sex—” 

“Don’t fucking talk to me about sex right now, I’m too tipsy,” Roman’s words were harsh, snappy. He wasn’t looking at me anymore, now fishing out his usual red lighter; I hadn’t seen that one in a while. “No sex-talk. None.”

“Fine, Jesus!—”

“Thanks to you, I now have to smoke away the taste of you. Thank you,” he grumbled, a slight twitch appearing beneath his left eye as he brought the cigarette to his plush lips— oh, how I missed those. “Your perfume isn’t helping, either. So don’t talk about sex, because then I’ll start thinking about sex with you, along with how you taste after I’ve been going down on you for about ten minutes, squirming, whining, and then I start thinking of how much I miss it. So could you just—just shut up for a minute, okay?”

I stared at Roman in disbelief, my lips parting as my jaw threatened to hit the floor. He must’ve had a few beers too many to be talking so openly about… anything. I would go off on him about his use of words, telling me to shut up, but I was too stunned to think properly. With my mind still buzzing, I scooted closer to Roman on the cold steps of the porch, daring to lean my head down on his shoulder like I used to do when we were together. “You’ve only proved my point,” I breathed, closing my eyes. “Nympho.”

I knew him too well— I knew Roman would appreciate casual physical contact. He didn’t have enough of that in his life, anyway. Chuckling, amused, he lit his cigarette, inhaling with a quiet moan— something told me he had been waiting for a hit for some time. And just as I opened my mouth, ready to start my usual smoking-is-bad lecture, Roman cut me to it; “Don’t start talking about cancer now, either,”

“It is a cancer stick,”

“I don’t care,”

“You should!”

“But I don’t,” With a sigh, Roman exhaled, watching the smoke evaporate into the warm summer air. He leaned his head on top of mine, and I couldn’t help but think how the smell of the cigarette clashed with the comforting smell of his shampoo. It ruined everything. 

This conversation was one we’d had tens of times, and I wasn’t too keen on repeating it. “Roman…” I reached for the cigarette he lazily held between his fingers, feeling the softness of his hand against mine. “Maybe you don’t care, but I do. You need to take care of yourself.” I didn’t need to look at Roman to know his brows were drawn together as I took the cigarette out of his hand, holding it away from him. 

He sighed again, slower this time; “If you’d ever smoked, you’d see the appeal,”

“Yeah?” It was hard not to roll my eyes— “The appeal of cancer?”

With a low laugh, Roman turned his head, kissing the top of my head out of habit. Weirdly enough, it felt platonic for the first time ever, yet it didn’t fail to evoke a hard thump in my chest. It felt like I was being electrocuted from the inside, and my eyes sprung open—I was happy he couldn’t see that. “Not cancer, don’t be stupid,” he huffed. “Just use that pretty little brain of yours, I know it’s in there somewhere.”

If only he knew my brain was currently working overtime. “I’ll never see the appeal of inhaling crap that ruins your lungs. If anything, you’re the stupid one,”

Roman rolled his eyes, gently giving my head a nudge with the shoulder I was leaning on, motioning for me to sit up. “Let me show you, just once. If you don’t like it, you’re allowed to call me a nicotine-addicted nymphomaniac until the last day of high school,”

“And the day after. An extension for your favorite ex,”

“Nope. The day of graduation, and that’s it,”

I turned to look at the blindingly pretty smile on Roman’s face— how was it possible not to fall for this guy? He was gorgeous. “Fine,” I mumbled, knowing I would call him that no matter what behind his back until the day he died. “So how the fuck do I do this?”

Something in Roman’s green, green, eyes shifted. Maybe he was wondering why he had ever let me go in the first place— maybe he was thinking about the word to describe the color of my hair as it mixed with the grays of the moonlight? He cleared his throat, turning his body towards me as I mirrored him; “The first step is easy,” he said, reaching forward to place his hand behind mine, bringing the cigarette to my lips. 

My skin burned. Fucking burned, with every touch. 

Roman’s eyes were already big, which is why I was surprised to see they could get even bigger when he gazed down at my lips. “Open up,” he breathed, absentminded. 

Now, I could be sure he wasn’t thinking about the color of my hair. Maybe he was back to reminiscing about the taste of me? Or other nasty nympho things, as per usual.

I placed the cigarette between my lips, but Roman let out a short, alarmed sound that nearly made me yelp. “Now comes the trick,” he urged, leaning closer— I was unsure whether he was aware he was inching towards my face or not. The closer he got, the easier it was to focus on the single strand of his dark hair that lay over his forehead, straying from his stylings. It was so damn attractive— I had to hold myself back from smiling, now that I remembered the one time I caught him pulling it out of his gelled updo to lay it there on purpose. Cutie.

“The trick?” I echoed, realizing he had frozen to his spot just staring at my lips. I pulled the cigarette away from my mouth; Roman hadn’t said anything for about five seconds. This was bad. This was dangerous. It made me want to jump him and let him fuck me right here on the porch. 

“Uh—” Roman cleared his throat, letting out a breathy chuckle as he shook his head. “Sorry. The trick, right…”

God, I was two seconds away from bursting into flames like a phoenix. Was I still breathing?

“For your first time, you should— because this is your first time, right?”

“Yes!”

“You sure?”

“Roman!”

“Alright, alright!” Roman laughed, biting his lip as he tilted his head just a little. Had the cigarette not forced a space between us, I would’ve started wondering when he would kiss me. “The trick is to not inhale too much smoke for your first time. I don’t want you to cough up your left lung on my new shirt. And hold the smoke in your mouth for a moment, let it cool down, and only inhale it when you’ve taken the cig out of your mouth.”

If Roman one day actually did decide to write a smoking-guide, I could at least be sure the content would be explained simply and concisely. “Seems easy enough,” I mumbled, watching Roman’s pupils widen as I placed the cigarette back between my lips and sucked in a small amount of smoke into my mouth.

It felt like I was getting a mild burn on my tongue— it wasn’t pleasant. For a second, I got scared my eyes would pop from the shock, and I closed them to ensure the blood at least wouldn’t splatter anywhere if I happened to be so unlucky. But when the burning subsided, I finally dared to inhale.

My eyes sprung open, meeting the fascination in Roman’s green gaze as my previous headache caused by the loud music disappeared. My brain suddenly felt like it was buzzing with pleasure and energy. Before I knew it, I was half giggling against Roman’s mouth, letting my cigarette-clad hand fall by my side. “Wow,” I breathed, in awe of the satisfying whirring in my head. 

Roman looked like he was two seconds away from cooing at me, right in my face; “There you go, good girl,” he purred. “Do you get it now?”

God, I hated myself. Still, what I hated more, was that my hot ex-boyfriend was blatantly right. “I think I do,” 

Roman hummed, smirking as he reached for the cigarette in my hand, smoothly brushing his fingers across my skin on his way down. With a content sigh, he looked into my dazed eyes as he pressed his free fingers over the pulse of my wrist— “I still make your heart jump,” he breathed, leaning in so close I could feel the hotness of his breath against my cheek.

I swallowed. “You always will. It doesn’t mean anything,” My eyes flickered back and forth between Roman’s green eyes and his plush, pink lips despite knowing I shouldn’t. 

“It doesn’t?” he echoed, visibly amused as he raised his brows. 

“… Nope,”

Roman hummed, nudging the tip of my nose with his just as he always did—was this maybe just a habit, or was he going to…? The atmosphere was so thick, I could reach out and touch it. My breath had long caught in my chest, but Roman’s next words only made it worse; “Let’s talk about sex again,” he whispered against my lips, his lashes hanging heavy over his eyes.

“No. This is over. We’re just sharing a cigarette,”

“We could share a bed too,”

“Stop it,” I breathed, hoping he’d spot the desperation in my eyes. “It’s been two months. Aren’t you over this?” Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.

Roman stilled. With the next beat of my pulse against his fingers, his eyes softened with a new realization beneath the moonlight; 

“Over you? Never,”

[obsidian-pages777]

Pick a Card: What do you need to know about your most recent or current relationship. Pick a Sabrina Carpenter Image

Left to Right Top Row-> Pile 1 and Pile 3.

Left to Right Bottom Row-> Pile 3 and Pile 4

[Bonus: Taylor Swift Gifs for each pile]

In this world of duality, it is natural to encounter challenges in relationships. The following is an energy read of your current or most recent relationship which might have an impact on you in your current energy field. All in all what matters is the journey not just the destination.

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Pile 1: The Tower, Five of Cups, The Sun

Reading: The Tower card indicates that your current or most recent relationship has undergone a significant upheaval or unexpected change. This might have been a sudden breakup, a shocking revelation, or a major argument. The Tower represents the destruction of old structures to make way for new ones, suggesting that whatever has happened was necessary for your growth and transformation. This change, while painful, is an opportunity to rebuild on a stronger foundation.

The Five of Cups points to feelings of loss and regret. It suggests that you may be focusing on what has gone wrong in the relationship rather than seeing what still remains. This card encourages you to acknowledge your grief but also to shift your focus towards healing and finding hope. The Sun card brings a message of optimism and renewal. Despite the challenges, there is a bright future ahead. The Sun suggests that clarity, joy, and happiness are possible if you allow yourself to heal and embrace new beginnings with a positive mindset.

Characteristics of the Partner:

Pros:

Transformative: They bring significant change and help you grow through challenges.

Optimistic: Despite hardships, they have a sunny disposition and bring joy into your life.

Resilient: They have the ability to bounce back from difficulties and inspire you to do the same.

Cons:

Unpredictable: Their actions can be sudden and disruptive, leading to instability.

Focused on Loss: They may dwell on negative aspects and struggle with letting go of past hurts.

Intense: Their presence and influence can be overwhelming and emotionally taxing.

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Pile 2: The Lovers, Three of Swords, Temperance

Reading: The Lovers card signifies a deep connection and mutual attraction in your current or most recent relationship. This card highlights the importance of harmony, balance, and making choices that align with your values and desires. The Lovers also suggest that this relationship was or is significant in your life journey, teaching you important lessons about love and partnership.

The Three of Swords indicates heartbreak, betrayal, or emotional pain. This card reveals that there may have been issues of trust or miscommunication that led to sorrow. It’s important to acknowledge these wounds and give yourself time to heal. Temperance advises finding balance and moderation in your emotional responses. It encourages you to practice patience and to seek harmony within yourself. Healing will come through a balanced approach, blending the lessons learned with forgiveness and self-care.

Characteristics of the Partner:

Pros:

Deep Connection: They create a profound and meaningful bond, emphasizing love and harmony.

Romantic: They express their feelings deeply and are often very loving and attentive.

Balanced: They strive for harmony and balance in their relationships, promoting mutual growth.

Cons:

Heartbreaking: They may cause or experience significant emotional pain and betrayal.

Indecisive: Their need for balance might make them hesitant and unsure in making decisions.

Healing Required: They might bring baggage from past relationships that needs time to heal.

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Pile 3: The Empress, Knight of Cups, Seven of Wands

Reading: The Empress card suggests that your current or most recent relationship was nurturing and abundant. This relationship brought out your caring and supportive nature, and there was a strong emphasis on growth and mutual support. The Empress encourages you to continue nurturing yourself and those around you, even if the relationship has ended or is undergoing challenges.

The Knight of Cups represents romantic gestures and emotional expression. It suggests that there was a lot of passion and idealism in the relationship. However, this knight also reminds you to balance romantic ideals with practical realities. The Seven of Wands indicates that you may have faced challenges or opposition in the relationship. It suggests that standing your ground and defending your values was necessary. This card encourages you to stay resilient and maintain your integrity, even in the face of difficulties.

Characteristics of the Partner:

Pros:

Nurturing: They are caring and supportive, fostering growth and well-being.

Romantic: They are expressive and passionate, making grand gestures of love.

Resilient: They stand their ground and are willing to fight for what they believe in.

Cons:

Overprotective: Their nurturing nature might become overbearing or controlling.

Idealistic: Their romantic ideals may not always align with reality, causing disappointment.

Defensive: They might be overly defensive and resistant to change or criticism.

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Pile 4: The High Priestess, Four of Pentacles, Ace of Swords

Reading: The High Priestess card indicates that intuition and inner wisdom played a significant role in your current or most recent relationship. There may have been secrets or things left unsaid that influenced the dynamics. The High Priestess encourages you to trust your inner voice and seek deeper understanding of the situation through reflection and meditation.

The Four of Pentacles suggests that there may have been issues around control, security, or holding on too tightly. This card points to a need to examine where you might be clinging to the past or to certain expectations. Letting go of what no longer serves you is crucial for your personal growth. The Ace of Swords brings clarity and truth. It suggests that a new perspective or breakthrough is on the horizon. This card encourages clear communication and the pursuit of truth, both with yourself and others. Embrace this clarity to make informed decisions about your relationship's future.

Characteristics of the Partner:

Pros:

Intuitive: They are deeply intuitive and insightful, often understanding things on a deeper level.

Secure: They value stability and security, creating a solid foundation in the relationship.

Clear Communicator: They value truth and clarity, promoting honest communication.

Cons:

Secretive: They might keep things hidden or be difficult to read, leading to misunderstandings.

Possessive: Their need for security might manifest as possessiveness or control.

Blunt: Their directness can sometimes be harsh or hurtful, lacking sensitivity.