#but also because ed seemed disinterested/disgusted

[suffersinfandom]

So I have a great time talking about online OFMD fandom stuff with my sibling (someone who has clocked about as many hours watching the show as I have, enjoys Izzy, and doesn't do Tumblr or Twitter). They love hearing about the weird niche drama and I love chatting with someone who isn't wrapped up in online discourse.

But do you have any idea how insane I sound trying to explain fan discourse to someone who lives outside of that?

Like. Try giving the short version of the "Izzy is Christ- and AIDS-coded" meta to someone outside of the fandom. Try explaining to someone with IBS that "Izzy the Spewer," a crack at Izzy's sailing and leadership skills, is allegedly ableist towards people with IBS. Look an OFMD fan who's a Tumblr/X outsider in the eye and tell them that some people are certain that Ed is going to murder Stede in their little shack, or that the Gravy Basket is a literal location instead of a device to explore a character, or that Izzy had to die because he was a threat to the main pairing, or that Jenkins had no idea he was writing a romance, or that people argue that OFMD as a whole is Zionist and ableist and homophobic and anti-Black and misogynistic. Tell them that the end of season two was an example of bury-your-queers. They'll think you're a crazy person!

Heck, Sibling initially thought I was pulling their leg when I told them that Steddyhands is the second biggest ship in the fandom.

So I've had some really fascinating conversations where I sounded like a maniac, but we have fun. It's also kind of comforting to step offline and just... talk to an OFMD fan who's only working with what they see in the show.

(But maybe my sibling and I are the ones in the wrong. We're both crips and we get a good laugh out of "You're born alone, you die alone" -- largely because I'm like that irl and it's a deeply annoying trait that I need to work on. We also say "You're harassing a cripple" whenever we're mildly inconvenienced by something. Idk.)

[floralkittygambler]

HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’.  DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not.  HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment.  I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief.  For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions.  In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair.  Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity.  On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed  in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd.  There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings).  Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond.  A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross.  In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute.  Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative.  The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average.  Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing.  Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy.  Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow.  Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship.  Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this.  The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label.  Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour.  I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it.  Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics.  I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble.  Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke.  This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow​ (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars​, @galemalio​ (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz​, @critical-hazbin​, @what-the-hazbin​, @hazboobhotel​, @pineapple-critiques-stuff​, @devils-advocutie​, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

[dumbfuck-mojave]

FNV Companions React to Someone Being Aggressive Towards Rex.

@spidester basically came up with this idea.

TW: Mentions of violence against humans and animals. Some sexual flirtation. Swearing is the norm at this point

Fucking IDEK if these are out of character anymore we just roll with it. Also, shitty and inconsistent writing and react length ahoy. Also yes I lied and said this was going to be out last night but I got sick please understand-

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Arcade: Six had dragged him into Ultra-Luxe because once again, they were being stupid and trying to beat some sort of goal they had set for themselves earlier that day at the gambling tables. Rex had also come in with them, but had wandered off with his snout up in the air towards the kitchens. While Six was focusing on the Blackjack table Arcade heard a sudden yip and bark behind him and turned to see two people laughing and kicking the poor dog. They weren’t dressed like the people that would usually gamble here and they certainly weren’t a White Glove, so Arcade just assumed they were some travelers that didn’t know Six’s reputation and love for their canine companion. Also angry at the situation unfolding, Arcade briskly made his way over to them.

“Excuse me-”

“Fuck off.” 

Now, that made Arcade very unhappy. Honestly, he expected them to be rude, but was still a little surprised at how quickly they shot him down, not even trying to start an argument or anything. Yet.

“Listen, gentlemen.” Arcade said sharply, “I suggest you leave now because you’d much rather deal with me telling you how vile of people you are than for my friend over at the Blackjack table getting word of what you’ve been doing to their dog.”

“Oh, tough guy, eh? Well guess what, we don’t give a shit about what you or your idiot friend have to say!” The taller of the men sneard, getting right up in Arcade’s face. “Fucking forget it, the dumb dog isn’t worth our time. They ran out of booze a while ago anyway.”

Arcade gave them a look of disinterest as the semi-stumbled out the door. He made….. eye contact?..... with one of the masked servers when he looked away from them, who also seemed relieved that the two men were gone, probably because they had trached dust and mud throughout the entire main room.  Making his way back to Six, Arcade was going over scenarios in his head about what Six would do once he told them. Turns out one of his guessed scenarios was true. He did know Six very well after all. Unfortunately for the men, they had decided to sleep naked that night and Six had found out where they were staying through a few connections. A few hours later the men’s clothes were strung up on and lit on fire in the middle of Freeside, with the neat edition of shoving several hungry geckos into the men’s hotel room. The men ran out into the Mojave, naked and with a few flesh chunks missing from their body, while Rex gnawed happily on his Brahmin Steak in the Lucky 38. 

Boone: A Legion party had ambushed them just outside of Red Rock Canyon as they were making their way towards Vegas from Goodsprings. The system they had was working well enough, Boone had managed to climb his way up on the hill to the right of the road and was sniping them from afar while Six was up close with their ripper. It was hard to get solid damaging headshots on them since they were those dumb helmets, but if he got lucky Six would get close enough to rip one of their helmets off so he could get a clear shot through their skull. Usually, there were 4 Legionaries in a party but Caesar must have really wanted Six dead at this point, so they were currently being surrounded by at least 12, possibly even more. As Six drop-kicked two legionaries into each other, Boone noticed one of the other Legionaries targeting Rex and backing him up against the Canyon wall. Luckily for Boone and unfortunately for the Legionnaire, there was no helmet in sight. Boone lined up the shot and it entered the target’s head with a whiz and a squish. As the now-corpse fell to the ground, the group of three reorganized amongst the carnage. Rex sat down at Boone’s feet and looked up at him, mouth open and panting. 

“Don’t look at him like that.” Boone said in a monotone voice, making the Courier laugh beside him.

“Boone, you’re talking to a dog.” The Courier started on their way once again to Vegas, looking down at the dog now trotting beside them.

“You want to go see the King Rex?”

*Bark*

“Look who’s talking to the dog now.” 

Veronica and Cassidy: The girls had decided to hang out together today, without the Courier. They also had Rex in tow and were currently sitting at the Atomic Wrangler’s counter. Both of these women were at least three bottles in each already and their laughter poured through the casino as Veronica slouched over and snorted at one of Cass’ merchant stories.

“There is *snort* there is no way he did that.” Veronica wheezed out, falling into another fit of laughter.

“He did! He just grabbed that fucker by his-”

Their conversation was cut off when a man walked over to them. Much too confidently, I might add. They both looked up at him in disgust and annoyance. 

“So, what are two beautiful ladies doing out here all alone. You know, why don’t we all go upstairs and have a little *fun* together. ” The man leaned in so far he almost touched noses with Veronica. Rex had been sitting idly with his head in his paws on the floor until this moment. When the man leaned in, Rex growled and stood up, brisling at the man. 

“Dumb dog.” The man grumbled, swinging out his hand and hitting Rex in the head. Now no one knew if the man had meant to hit Rex so hard that he slammed his glass dome into the counter, but it didn’t matter now. Veronica pushed up off the counter and shoved the man back.

“Who do you think you are?! First, you come up to two ladies who are CLEARLY disinterested in you, interrupt their good time, then you have the audacity to hit our dog?!” Veronica practically yelled, drawing attention from several others in the room. Two people in particular had the look in their eyes that was almost begging to see a fight.

“Listen, girlie, I do what I want, ok?” The man growled, cut off by Veronica shoving his back against the counter, “Oh, girlie, you want to start right now?” 

“She doesn’t want to do anything with you. Nobody would.” Cass said as she finally stood up, looking over Veronica’s shoulder.

“Now come on ladies, no need to fight over me.” The man slurred, the beginnings of a wolfish grin on his face. 

Now, Ronnie may be small but she has a power fist and can fuck some people up. In a flash, the man was on his knees with both arms straining behind him, courtesy of Cass. Veronica unveiled her power fist and a spark of fear appeared in the man’s eyes as she swung it dainlity near his temple.

“I could swing my fist sideways right now.” She started swinging faster and more aggressively, “And give you a good lesson about how to treat others around you with an indent on your head to remind you.” 

“N-No!”

“Oh, come on. I’m sure it would be no trouble for my friend here.” Cass sneered, tightening her grip on the man’s arms, making him squeal out in man. 

“Please, please! No!” 

As the once confident man was damn near sobbing just at the prospect of getting hit, Veronica and Cass looked up at each other and grinned. Dragging the man outside, Veronica used her unarmored fist to hit him into a puddle of… something. The man stumbled to his feet and looked back in fear at the doorway. Then sprinted off. 

“DAMN! NEXT TIME YOU START A FIGHT YOU BETTER BE ABLE TO FINISH IT!” Cass yelled after him before they retreated into the casino once more.

. On their way back in, two figures walked out the door, following the now out of sight man. Sometimes, if you want to see a fight, you just have to start one yourself. 

Ed-E: *Pulls out laser canon* “Beep beepbeep bop'' Translation: “You bitch ass motherfucker”. Even if Rex sometimes drools on Ed-E or accidentally whips a ball at it’s shell, Ed-E will still protecc and attacc. 

Lily: Ok no but honestly and sorry to disappoint but any scenario involving her reacting to this is just them fighting, her calling the Courier Jimmy, then absolutely rocking the perpetrators shit. Like, tear that person in half grandma. I wanted to write a longer thing out….unless

Raul: He and Six had decided to stop at 188 Trading Post for the night instead of attempting to walk all the way back to Vegas. They were low on supplies, tired and hungry, and Raul’s back was acting up again. Samuel was nice enough to let Raul lie down for a bit on one of the mattresses behind the bar while Six was focusing on cleaning their weapons and bartering. Just as he was about to drift off, he heard Six’s voice speak up above the radio.

“Don’t touch my goddamn dog like that!” 

“You don’t get to tell me what to do you fucking piece of shit! Oh fuck-” 

Raul stood up and peered around the corner to see a rather interesting sight. Six was straddling some random man and aggressively slapping his hands away when he tried to reach for them, all while screaming every obscene thing they’ve ever been taught, even some things in Spanish thanks to Raul. Samuel was looking very concerned at the bar, not wanting to get directly involved in this mess while Rex was barking his head off in the man's face. After Raul managed to drag Six off the man, he found out the man was an associate of Alexander and was talking about making a deal with him when Rex came up to him to sniff his hand. Agitated, the man reached down and put his fist around Rex’s muzzle, yanking him up on his back to legs. Nothing escalated past that point as Six had entered the picture by then. They eventually decided to just walk back to Vegas that night and extend their break home, but damn if Raul wasn’t impressed and kind of flattered at the way they gracefully told a man how they were going to cut out this tongue and feed it to rats. Raul is dad.

(The insult thing was definitely a nod to one of @nuclear-reactions posts)

Thank you for reading! Requests are open!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #277

“i think we could reach heaven if we go through hell”

What are you currently listening to? "Heaven" by Solence. Has your father met the boy you currently love? I don’t love a guy, just his memory. I don’t think it’s accurate to say “yeah I love him” when I haven’t spoken to/associated with him since one talk in 2017. Are you closer with your siblings or cousins? My sisters. I barely ever see/talk to my cousins at all. How many people have you really fallen for? Two. Next event you’ll wear a dress to: Probably not ���til my sister’s wedding next year. Why did you last cry? Oh god it’s so cheesy but it was during the Unus Annus video where Mark, Ethan, and Amy were out in the desert watching Neowise and just talking about life and shit. I legit sat in silence just thinking for a while after I finished it. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Shit, not even 10 minutes. Sometimes not even five. I don’t do anything special at all, just get dressed, brush teeth, and comb my hair. Would you ever take back someone after they cheated? Nnnnope. How many arguments have you had with the last person you dated? Well considering we jumped back and forth from hating each other to being friends like five times as kids,,,, lmao. But on a serious note, it’s rare now. I don’t exactly count arguments tho. Do you want to see somebody right now? I wanna hang with Sara so bad mayn. Do you get distracted easily? YEAH. Do you think that someone has feelings for you? Yeah. Do you still talk to the person that you last kissed? On the daily. Are you easy to get along with? I think so. I’m chill with such a variety of people that you know you can be free of judgment. The only thing you’d have to understand is how quiet I am and that it does not equate to me being disinterested in you or anything, as people have apparently thought. Have you ever had a pet goldfish? As a kid. Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Yeah. Are you short? I’m of an average height for someone my gender, age, and nationality or whatever it’s called. Is there anything stressing you out currently? bruuuuuhhhhh I am ALWAYS stressed about something. What’s something that you cannot wait for? This fucking pandemic to end. Just wear your goddamn masks and stay in your fucking houses ‘n shit and maybe we’ll move forward. What was your favorite grade? So it’s super ironic: 7th. Which is when my depression manifested. I just have a lot of good memories with excellent teachers and friends. Are you afraid of shots? “Fear” is the wrong word for it, but there’s certainly a tense feeling before you get one. It’s not the needle that really hurts, it’s whatever medicine is being injected. Always stings. Were you an adorable baby? I was tbh, but I had nothing on my little sister. Nicole was so fucking cute. Are you happy with who you’re becoming? No. Do you want children? No. Do you change your phone background a lot? Not “a lot,” no. Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast? Definitely really slow. Really fast is nooot my style. I mean, neither is very slow, but I’d definitely prefer it and feel more secure in it. When applying eyeliner, which eye do you do first? Uhhh I think left? I do this so rarely that I don’t really know lol. How many exes have you talked to today? One. Are you tan? lol hell no. I never have been. Do you use any acne medication? I use a facial scrub to exfoliate and prevent acne, does that count? Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? My half-sister I’ve never met. I know almost nothing about her so can’t answer the second question. Are you likely to crack under peer pressure? Not really, no. Are you emotional or very stoic? I’m emotional as hell. How many states have you lived in? North Carolina has kept me hostage my whole life. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah. Who did you last say “I love you” to? Me mum. How do you want to die? Eek, idk man. Part of me says fast as to avoid pain or a gradual, torturous decline in health, but at the same time I want my life to conclude after like… accepting it and not taking my last days for granted. I also don’t want the sudden surprise on my loved ones. Are you scared of spiders? Okay, so this is very situational. If a spider surprises me, I’m most likely going to gasp/scream/curse and try to get away. However, I find them very, very fascinating to watch and are beautiful and some even cute in their own right. I respect their existence and position in the ecosystem. I’ve held a tarantula before and even want two (… or ten) as a pet, so I can’t be THAT scared of them. Oh, and I’m much more likely to be spooked by ones with long legs and particularly small bodies. Idk, it’s weird. Do you have trust issues? fuck YES I do. Who/what was your last dream about? I know Jason was in it, but that’s no surprise. I remember someone randomly trying to kill me again lmao. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I’m sure it was Mom. Who was your last text from? Sara. Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? The fuck is wrong with you if you sleep with it open?????????????? Have you ever "done it" in a hotel room? No. I don’t think we were ever in a hotel together, and besides, it’s p gross imho. I can’t say for sure I wouldn’t lmao but I hope I wouldn’t. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No, that’s never made sense to me? My sister stole a traffic cone once tho lmao. She legit just wanted to do something sketchy. Highkey badass, amirite. Are you reading any books right now? I’m very slowly reading Wings of Fire: The Dark Secret by Tui T. Sutherland. I’m going through one of my junctures of little reading again, even though I’m enjoying the book as I do with the series. Who was the last person to send you a friend request on Facebook? Some dude I had no mutual friends with or anything. How recently did you wash your hands? Last time I went to the bathroom. Did the last person you kissed have facial hair? No. Who is the most intelligent person you know? Girt. Do you have younger siblings? If you do, are you protective of them? I have one sister younger by two years, and I’d kill for her even if we’re not all that close. What are the other members of your household doing at this moment? I’ve actually been home alone for around two weeks now and am MIRACULOUSLY doing totally fine. My mom had to take an urgent flight to NY because her mom is dying. Sadly much slower than they expected. She’s not in pain due to medicine, but nevertheless, it’s torture for her. She can't do anything. Do you have any neighbors that you don't get along with? Not really, but there is someone to our right that constantly has music playing outside, and sometimes it’s annoying. In the past week, have you slept past midday? No. I can’t remember the last time I did that. Name the last song that made you cry. “Lovely” by Billie Eilish, I think. It reminded me of Jason. Do you use Twitter? Not really, no. I only ever check it to look at Mark’s lmao what a shocker. The last time something scared you, what was it? One of my nightmares last night. A huge spider was hurrying towards my face from the wall and I actually scrambled out of bed irl, therefore nearly passing out bc I can't get up fast w/o getting extremely dizzy, oof. Who was your first best friend? Brianna. Are you still friends anymore? On Facebook, anyway. We haven’t talk-talked in many years. Who is your best friend right now? Sara. How old were you when you found out what sex was? I was in the 4th or 5th grade, whatever age you are then. I definitely learned later than most, it seems. Had no idea until sex ed in school. Name one quirk you have that drives people crazy? I pace badly, and I’ve been told by numerous people it makes them anxious. Who is your favorite Disney villain? Probably Scar. You gotta admit his scheme was pretty clever, and he had a BUMPIN song. Would you have children if a surrogate could carry it for you? No, I still wouldn’t. Do you have an account for any social platform that you rarely/never use? Yeah, like Twitter. What do you most frequently take photos of? Nature. Do you ever wear hats? What does your favorite hat look like? No. Have you tried any foods or drinks for the first time today? Which? No. Does anyone close to you smoke cigarettes? My dad. What was the last song you heard, that made you feel nostalgic? Motionless In White recently covered "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. Is it awkward when you run into your ex? I don’t run into any of them. Do you prefer pasta, salad, or coleslaw? Oh, totally pasta. Coleslaw is fucking disgusting. Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? I hope. Would you rather pierce your tongue or lip? I have a vertical labret and did have snake eyes, and I adore(d) both; however, I prefer my lip ring. It’s like, a part of my identity by now lmao. Last time you were attacked by an animal? I don’t think an animal has ever seriously hurt me, instead only through playing too rough. I get scratches from Roman every now and again from it. How many times have you been engaged (if any at all)? Never. Have you ever been called something and you didn’t know what it meant? So one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever done is accidentally agree to being a martyr, because at the time, I thought it only meant like, you’d die for what you stand for, which in most serious cases, I would. I didn’t know that wasn’t the kind he meant; he meant I was trying to make shit all about me and throw a pity party about the breakup. I didn’t learn that was the “common day” definition until a long time after when I was no longer in contact with this person. Are your eyes sensitive to sunlight? VERY VERY VERY. Have you ever been busted for underage drinking? No. Do you have a picture of you and your lover kissing? I don’t have a “lover.” Have you witnessed a fight at school? So shortly after returning to class in the 10th grade, a girl deadass got stabbed in the neck during a fight nearby my classroom. I (nor my classmates) actually saw it, just heard. Safe to say the assailant was expelled, and the other girl was lucky to have her throat missed, though that was apparently what the other girl was aiming for. She went to the hospital of course, and that’s all I know. Who did you last get into a big argument with? Probably Mom. Do you drink lots of water? Sigh, no. What was the worst feeling you last felt? Before my last period I had a day of such bad cramping that I decided to go back on birth control. I originally started it for that but stopped to see how it would affect my mood, and now I absolutely need it back. Interested in anyone at the moment? Yeah. Do you know people with your last name that you aren't related to? Besides historical people, no. Are you guilty of texting while driving? ”I don’t drive, but I am so against doing that. Please don’t. It only takes a second of distraction for something to go wrong. Keep your eyes on the damn road.” <<<< This right fuckin here. Have you ever caused a lot of noise in a library? No. What was the last thing that completely took your breath away? I don’t know. When playing rock, paper, scissors which do you usually pick? Uhhh I think scissors? Have you ever tried to write a book? Yes, but they’re all projects I abandoned. Have you ever been hit by a chunk of hail? Not that I recall, no. Do you have high standards? Honestly yes when it comes to relationships (which is what I assume you’re talking about). Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle? Yeah. Do you know how to snap your fingers? Uh, yeah. Do you plan your outfits for the next day or just randomly choose? I choose on the spot, usually. Are you a bossy person? Definitely not. Is it true that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love another? I fucking hate that statement. It’s absolute bullshit.

[wordssometimesfail]

Textual Reddie & Queer!Eddie: A Masterpost

So I’ve been planning on doing something like this for a while, but it had fallen to the wayside until @skinks​ and I started talking about Reddie again, and my weak little heart was rekindled.  

Speaking of reKINDLEd (ehh? Ehhhhh?), my Kindle copy of IT is full of highlighted textual support of unresolved Reddie feelings, and a queer reading of Eddie specifically. And lo, a disjointed essay-type meta was birthed. This fucker’s about to get long, so if you’re interested, dive on under the cut – but be forewarned, there are massive spoilers for the book and (probably) Chapter 2 below!

(Seriously, cannot emphasize the MASSIVE SPOILERS enough. If you don’t know what happens and you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read this.) 

As a very general disclaimer, I am not going to be including everything that I highlighted. There is a fuckton, including a lot of small moments of Richie and Eddie interacting that don’t showcase anything other than their closeness. I’ll be paring it down here to moments that prove a larger theme, and some standout cuteness. With that said, IT is a 1,300-page behemoth, and it’s definitely possible that I skipped over something. If you know of anything significant that I missed, feel free to reblog with additions.

Note: I will be using terrible, half-assed MLA citations for this. Pagination is from my Kindle copy of the novel. All quotes will be italicized to help differentiate them visually from my points (if something was italicized in the original text, it’ll be unitalicized here). Unless otherwise stated, all bolded emphasis is mine. “--” will be used in place of em-dashes, “/” will be used to denote paragraph breaks.  

PART I – ASTHMA

“When Eddie’s nervous he reaches for his aspirator.” (King 372)

It doesn’t get much more explicit than this. We’re told in no uncertain terms that Eddie’s psychosomatic asthma is rooted in nervousness, in things that make him scared and uncomfortable. The trigger for this particular explanation is being overwhelmed by the age and significance of Boston, but in an earlier scene:  

“These shoes no longer looked just right... but he supposed they would do for where he was going. And for whatever he might have to do when he got there. Maybe Richie Tozier would-- / But then the blackness threatened and he felt his throat beginning to close up.” (King 112)  

This is Eddie’s first on-page asthma attack. It hits him the first time we see him as an adult, having just received his call from Mike to return to Derry. And yet it’s the thought of Richie, not It or Derry, that makes Eddie nervous enough to need his aspirator. Notably, the thought goes unfinished. We don’t know, nor do we ever find out in explicit terms, what Eddie thought Richie Tozier would.  

Of course, asthma is the most prominent symptom of Eddie’s hypochondria, so the attacks crop up often in the text. The most interesting of these attacks for our purposes (other than Eddie becoming nervous at the thought of Richie) is the following:  

“‘The first of the ‘new murders’ [...] began on the Main Street Bridge and ended underneath it. The victim was a gay and rather childlike man named Adrian Mellon. He had a bad case of asthma.’ / Eddie’s hand stole out and touched the side of his aspirator.” (King 646)

Mike (speaking) tells the gang about the death of Adrian Mellon, and takes care to note three things about him: he was gay, he was childlike, and he had asthma. The connection between Eddie and Adrian is drawn quickly and obviously as Eddie reaches for his aspirator, seemingly out of reflex - but what we can also infer here is that this is making Eddie nervous. He could be nervous because a man with asthma was just killed by It, and he, too, is a man with asthma. He could also be nervous because the parallel that Mike and the prose have none-too-subtly drawn between Eddie and Adrian implies that they have more in common than a respiratory problem. But what?

PART II – EDDIE/ADRIAN

“[The other Losers] are being called--I know that much. Each murder in this new cycle has been a call.” (King 1116)

Mike writes this in the fourth interlude, referring to the way that It’s murders 27 years later all seem to be calling out to the Losers’ Club. By drawing a parallel between Eddie and Adrian through their asthma, King leads us to believe that Adrian’s murder specifically called to Eddie. He also leads us to consider how else they might be linked.

Adrian is virtually Eddie’s opposite. He’s out and proud and in a loving, unstrained relationship. He flirts openly with other men, teases his aggressors, and, to contrast with the neurotic and nervous Eddie:  

“‘He didn’t have much in the way of protective coloration. He was one of those fools who think things really are going to turn out all right.’” (King 27)  

His openness, however, is what gets him killed. While being harassed by some homophobes, Adrian teases and antagonizes them, and the next time they see him they assault him and unwittingly gift him, half-dead, to Pennywise.  

It especially kills me that Adrian’s asthma is not significantly mentioned in his chapter. He makes a comment to his boyfriend that the “air’s better” (King 36) in Derry, which could imply that he has had less problems since he moved there, but the word “asthma” is never used. It’s not relevant to his story, and it’s not brought up until King has to draw a parallel between Adrian and Eddie. Because it’s not relevant to Adrian’s story, the connection that King draws between them feels almost half-assed and weak, until one considers their contrasting personalities and contrasting happinesses in their respective relationships. Along that same line of thinking, the implications of having Eddie directly paralleled by a gay man killed for being gay cast a suspicious light on Eddie’s presumed straightness.  

If we accept that Eddie and Adrian are linked, that Adrian’s murder was a specific call to Eddie, then it goes without saying that there is a strong implication here that Eddie is closeted. He is being contrasted with an out gay man who fears no consequence for being out in a small, violent, hateful town. Eddie’s neuroses and fixation on his psychosomatic asthma are contrasted with a man who hadn’t a care in the world - not even his (presumably) real physical condition. The fear and self-hate that dogged Eddie his whole life never bothered Adrian Mellon, until it killed him.  

If we accept that Eddie and Adrian are linked, and what that implies, then we can infer that Adrian is what Eddie could have been, were he happy, open, and out - and what happens to Adrian is the exact kind of thing that may have kept poor, terrified Eddie in the closet.  

PART III – SEX, QUEERNESS, AND SELF-LOATHING

So, I think we all remember the leper scene--creepy in the 2017 movie, even creepier in the novel. One notable book-only detail is that the leper “[offers] to give Eddie a blowjob for a quarter” (King 400) in addition to chasing him around and being generally disgusting.  

“Come back here, kid, the hoarse voice whispered. I’ll blow you for free. Come back here! / No, Eddie moaned at it. Please, go away, I don’t want to think about that.” (King 394)

Eddie is immediately terrified by the mere thought of getting a blowjob, of being touched by someone diseased, of being touched by a man. He doesn’t even want to think about it... and then the question becomes, does he not want to think about sex with the leper, or sex at all? Regardless, it seems pretty normal for an eleven-year-old boy to be scared of a blowjob from a strange adult with open sores on his face. But there is, of course, more to unpack here.  

Another difference between book and film comes when Eddie recounts the tale to Richie and Bill...:

“‘He didn’t have leprosy, you dummy,’ Richie said. “He had [syphilis].’ / […] / ‘It’s a disease you get from fucking,’ Richie said. ‘You know about fucking, don’t you, Eds?’ / ‘Sure,’ Eddie said. He hoped he wasn’t blushing.” (King 400)

All of a sudden Eddie isn’t just afraid of disease, but of a sexually transmitted disease. Pennywise’s angle on Eddie is a big fuck-off combo of decay and sex--specifically gay sex. Not only is the “leper” a man offering him sexual favours, but Bill is quick to point out that men can get syphilis from “another g-g-guy if they’re kwuh-kwuh-queer" (King 402). Queerness and gay sex are therefore lumped in with Eddie’s fear of the “leper” from word go.  

Since he’s a pre-pubescent child (in that same scene, Eddie recalls trying to masturbate and nothing happening), Eddie’s disinterest in and general apprehension towards sex makes sense without bringing the element of internalized homophobia into the mix. But this is my post, I can do what I want, and Stephen King already brought it into the mix for me.  

Eddie is frightened by the thought of queer sex at another notable point in the novel as well, when he recalls a vignette from his and the Losers’ past:  

“Patrick Hockstetter was down [in the Barrens]. Before It took him Beverly saw him doing something bad. It made her laugh but she knew it was bad. Something to do with Henry Bowers, wasn’t it? Yes, I think so. And-- / [Eddie] turned away suddenly and started back toward the abandoned depot, not wanting to look down into the Barrens anymore, not liking the thoughts they conjured up. He wanted to be home with Myra.” (King 720)

Myra, for those who haven’t read the novel, is Eddie’s wife. If you’re one of those people (or even if you haven’t read it in a while), you might also be wondering what exactly Patrick Hockstetter did to Henry Bowers in the Barrens that made Eddie balk and suddenly crave his wife’s company. Well, my friends, Patrick tried to give Henry Bowers a blowjob. Eddie has to turn away from the mere thought of two men (well, boys) engaging in a sex act. He has to return to his wife, the implication here being that she is there to shield him from queerness, from queer sex.  

And the scene between Patrick and Henry, which we do see later from Bev’s point of view, is extremely telling as to why Eddie has to turn away. Henry gets violent and angry when Patrick propositions him, just like Adrian Mellon’s assailants got violent and angry, just like Eddie’s own mother gets defensive and cruel at the thought of a pair of (unconfirmed) gay men in their town with a nicer house than hers:  

“‘Any two men who bother keeping a house so nice must be queers,’ Eddie’s mother had once said in a disgruntled sort of way, and Eddie hadn’t dared ask for clarification.” (King 712)  

Eddie here is afraid to even question the root of his mother’s assumptions, or the very fact of her prejudice. Questioning, experimentation, being openly anything other than straight in Derry only earns you bile and violence from the rest of the town, and Eddie knows this. Why would anyone come out? How could they? Isn’t it better to just turn away and leave the thought unfinished?  

And it is explicit that Eddie feels somehow wrong and incomplete, in addition to his general aversion to all things queer and sexual. At one point, compounding himself and the homeless “leper”, Eddie has an internal monologue that ends as follows:  

“I got me a disease that’s eating me up. My skin’s cracking open, my teeth are falling out, and you know what? I can feel myself turning bad like an apple that’s going soft. I can feel it happening, eating from the inside to the out, eating, eating, eating me.” (King 405)

By conflating himself with the “leper”, Eddie makes the disease his own. He makes his fear of the “leper” falling apart a fear he has about himself. He fears something within himself, something rotten, turning him “bad” - bad like offering a blowjob to Henry Bowers in the Barrens. It’s a literal fear of disease, to be sure, but that sense of being rotten to the core, being bad on the inside in a way you cannot change, also feels like an apt metaphor for internalized homophobia in light of the subtextual queerness of the rest of Eddie’s fear. And especially in light of another scene in which he feels inferior, rotten, wrong:

“Simply reaching for the cubes of bread [at communion] became an act which required courage, and he always feared an electrical shock... or worse, that the bread would suddenly change color in his hand, become a blood-clot, and a disembodied Voice would begin to thunder in the church: Not worthy! Not worthy! Damned to Hell! Damned to Hell!” (King 1247)  

We will absolutely come back to the fact that Eddie uses Voice with a capital V, but for now let’s focus on the rest of the scene. Eddie’s fear of being damned and unworthy is rooted in a story his Sunday School teacher told him, about a boy who blasphemed. Even as a small child, he has anxiety about his existence or behaviour cursing him – making him diseased, or turning bread into blood. And, of course, for the purposes of this reading, we can’t ignore the fact that queerness and American Christianity don’t typically go hand-in-hand. This compounded with the suggestion that he is rotten from the inside out suggests that Eddie has some reason to think he has blasphemed – and his persistent association with queerness suggests that this reason may be the knowledge or suspicion that he isn’t straight.  

Eddie’s worries even follow him into adulthood:  

“Get off it, Eds, Richie’s voice seemed to whisper. You ain’t solid at all […].” (King 715)

I included this quote because it reinforces my point about Eddie not feeling whole or right within himself. It’s not quite time for the Reddie part of this meta, but I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that Richie is nowhere in this scene and has absolutely nothing to do with it, and still it’s his voice that voices Eddie’s subconscious fears about not being “solid”. Again, I will be going into this in more detail later. First, there’s one more element of this queer reading of Eddie that needs to be tackled.  

PART IV – THIS ONE QUOTE GETS TO BE ITS OWN PART BECAUSE MY GOD

Most of you are probably familiar with Anthony Perkins, even if you don’t know you are – if you’ve ever been exposed to Psycho, either by watching it or through pop-cultural osmosis, you'll know him as Norman Bates. You also may or may not know that he was famously closeted. He reportedly only had relationships with men until he met and married Berinthia Berenson in his early 40s, and never came out during his lifetime. (Obviously one’s sexual history doesn’t necessarily determine one’s sexuality, but most sources I can find suggest that he was gay, not bisexual.)

Now, if you read Eddie Kaspbrak as gay, this may sound somewhat familiar. Married a woman, never came out, horror icon, it’s all there. But why do I bring it up? Well, because of this:  

“Eddie--it was weird but true--had grown up to look quite a little bit like Anthony Perkins.” (King 628)

On its own, it’s a seemingly innocuous, if oddly specific, pop-cultural reference. Nothing to write home about. Compounded with everything else we know about Eddie, and everything else I’ve covered above? It’s telling as balls. King could have simply described Eddie, as he does immediately after this line, but he takes the time to compare a character repeatedly associated with queerness and sexual repression to a closeted gay man who eventually married a woman.  

(Note: admittedly, IT would’ve been written in the early-mid 80s, at which point Perkins was not officially known to be gay, but according to my father there were plenty of rumours. He was, additionally, known as a repressed, shy “mama’s boy” who was made nervous by female attention. Sound like anyone else we know?)  

PART V – REDDIE

And now for the main event.  

If I unpack every individual piece of Reddie goodness to the degree that I’ve unpacked Eddie himself, we’ll be here for another 2,500 words. So, I’m only going to hit three major points:  

PART VA – CLOSENESS

Richie is all over Eddie. He frequently pinches Eddie’s cheeks, calls him cute, and is all-around physically and verbally affectionate with him. Some notable examples:  

“Richie […] pinched Eddie’s cheek. / ‘Don’t do that! I hate it when you do that, Richie.’ / ‘Ah, you love it, Eds,’ Richie said, and beamed at him.” (King 384-85)

This is their first on-page interaction, mind you. This moment sets the stage for the rest of their relationship.

“Richie jumped to his feet a second time and pinched Eddie’s cheek. ‘Cute, cute, cute!’ Richie exclaimed.” (King 390)  

“‘[My aunts] all pinch my cheek and tell me how much I’ve grown,’ Eddie said. / ‘That’s cause they know how cute you are, Eds--just like me. I saw what a cutie you were the first time I met you.’” (King 446-47)  

Listen. Do you think I’ll ever get over this? Do you think I can move on, knowing that this exists? Richie teases everyone, but he only ever uses “cute” for Eddie.  

“‘Take it easy, Eds,’ Richie soothed, and leaned toward him. / ‘Don’t call me Eds and don’t you dare pinch my cheek!’ [Eddie] cried, rounding on Richie. ‘You know I hate that! I always hated it!’ / Richie recoiled, blinking.” (King 668)

This scene takes place when they’re adults, and I love it for a number of reasons – the easy return to form for both of them, Richie genuinely trying to comfort Eddie, and Richie’s surprise at being snapped at. My heart goes out to the man. 

“‘I hate it when you call me Eds.’ / ‘I know,’ Richie said, hugging him tightly, ‘but somebody has to toughen you up, Eds. When you stop leading the sheltered igs-zistence of a child and grow up, you gonna, Ah say, Ah say you gonna find out life ain’t always this easy, boy!’ / Eddie began to shriek with laughter.” (King 1334)

There are quite a few scenes where they make each other laugh, but this one is my personal favourite.  

And the cherry on top:  

“[Richie] slapped Eddie’s can.” (King 1322)  

The context of this is less than shippy (they’re squeezing through a tight passageway, Richie is behind Eddie and needs him to move forward), but there are few ships that can say that party A has canonically smacked party B’s ass, and I think we should appreciate that more as a fandom.  

There’s also a strong element of protectiveness – Richie is very protective of Eddie in a way that Eddie’s mother isn’t. He genuinely pays attention to Eddie’s needs and tries to do right by him:  

“It was Richie and Bev who went to Eddie. […] Richie dug his aspirator out of his pocket. ‘Bite on this, Eddie,’ he said, and Eddie took a hitching, gasping breath as Richie pulled the trigger.” (King 903)  

“Richie heard Eddie cough twice […] and then fall silent again. He shouldn’t be down here, he thought […].” (King 968)  

“...Eddie [agreed to follow Bill into the sewers] last. / ‘I don’t think so, Eddie,’ Richie said. ‘Your arm’s not, you know, looking too cool.’” (King 1251)  

“Richie turned Bill toward him, looked at him as you would look at a man who is hopelessly raving. ‘Bill, we have to take care of Eddie. We have to get a tourniquet on him, get him out of here.’” (King 1396)

Hey fun fact? Fun fucking fact, Eddie’s already dead in this scene and Richie knows that.  

On a cheerier note, and to add one last dimension to Eddie and Richie’s closeness, Richie is the only person with whom we see Eddie intentionally swapping spit/germs (outside of ritualistic bloodletting). Not only does Richie use Eddie’s aspirator at one point, but there’s also this scene:  

“‘I can carry [the Parcheesi board],’ Eddie said, a little out of breath. ‘How about a lick on your Rocket?’ / ‘Your mom wouldn’t approve, Eddie,’ Richie said sadly. […] ‘[…] Ah say you kin get germs eatin after someone else!’ / ‘I’ll chance it,’ Eddie said. / Reluctantly, Richie held his Rocket up to Eddie’s mouth... and snatched it away quickly as soon as Eddie had gotten in a couple of moderately serious licks.” (King 1243)  

The obvious humour of this scene aside (poor Richie, having to share), the fact that hypochondriac Mama’s boy Eddie doesn’t mind Richie’s germs in particular is both sweet and interesting. The imagery here, of Eddie licking Richie’s Rocket despite his mother’s disapproval (compounded with the pre-established association between Eddie and blowjobs) is just... interesting, to say the least. As is the fact that I totally stole this scene and reversed the roles for the sake of a fic that I would like to pimp as a reward for making it this far into this monstrosity. It has a happy ending, don’t worry. 

What does all of this put together signify? Richie and Eddie are close. They clearly love each other as friends, and the almost flirtatious touching, cute-calling, teasing, protectiveness, and Rocket-licking can also all signify the beginnings of something else as well. If nothing else, it’s fun, sweet fic fodder.  

PART VB – THE VOICE (WITH A CAPITAL V)

This is one of my favourite details. Eddie thinks of all the Losers from time to time, but Richie is straight-up one of the voices in his head. Richie refers to his impressions and characters as Voices with a capital V, and Very often, Eddie will think in them. He’ll hear jokes in them, Pennywise will taunt him with them, he’ll hear the very criticism and hate that he fears hurled back at him in Voices. Right from the start:  

“‘Had any good chucks lately, Eds?’ [Eddie] says out loud, and laughs again.” (King 374)  

As he drives to Derry, Eddie is already laughing and delighting in the thought of his friends (specifically Bill and Richie) and the way they used to be. Later in the same scene:  

“‘Sure, kid, EV-ery day,’ he says in a Richie Tozier Voice, and laughs again.” (King 376)  

King quickly establishes that Richie’s Voices are a source of joy for Eddie, and that Richie himself is one of the Losers that Eddie is most looking forward to seeing. Indeed, in several scenes (including one of the ones quoted above), we see Eddie laughing at or with Richie when he does his Voices, both in the present and the past. But Eddie’s love of the Voices gets twisted by his own subconscious fears – I mentioned earlier that it is a Voice with a capital V that tells Eddie that he’s damned to Hell during his imaginary blood-communion. And it’s Richie’s voice that reminds Eddie that he’s not “solid”, to cap off a scene where he literally runs away from thoughts of queerness and sex. Eddie’s fear of himself becomes conflated with the Voices in a way that suggests his fear is of Richie, of Richie’s hatred, contempt, and dismissal. He is afraid that Richie sees him as unworthy, damned, unsolid. He is afraid that Richie sees the thing that’s eating him from the inside out.  

Eddie wants to be home with Myra. It’s easier to keep Richie and his Voices in his head than to risk what they would (--) do if they saw all of Eddie clearly.  

PART VC – EDS & EDDIE’S DEATH

Yes, we all know and love “Eds”. We love Richie being a little shit, we love Eddie being his tsundere self, and we love that Eddie canonically has a soft spot for the nickname:  

“Man, he had hated it when Richie called him Eds... but he had sort of liked it, too.” (King 374)

We also love (or hate) that “Eds” factors into Eddie and Richie’s final exchange in the novel:  

“But there was something else [Eddie] had to say [before he died]. / ‘Richie,’ he whispered. / ‘What?’ Richie was down on his hands and knees, staring at him desperately. / ‘Don’t call me Eds,’ he said, and smiled. He raised his left hand slowly and touched Richie’s cheek. Richie was crying. ‘You know I... I...’ Eddie closed his eyes, thinking how to finish, and while he was still thinking it over he died.” (King 1386)  

(A.k.a. the scene that nearly made me throw my Kindle across the room.)  

This ties into a broader theme with Eddie that I only began noticing when I started compiling my notes for this meta – his thoughts, when connected to other men, queerness, or sex, often go unfinished. He cuts them off before they stray somewhere that makes him nervous (the thought of Richie giving him an asthma attack), before they stray anywhere at all (the memory of Patrick and Henry making him yearn for Myra, not wanting to think about blowjobs), or before they even become thoughts (not daring to question his mother’s homophobic comments). And here, when he has to say one thing before he dies, when he’s finally allowing himself to conclude a sentimental, intimate thought that he doesn’t even know how to word... he’s cut off one last time.  

And we don’t know what he was going to say. We can speculate, we can infer, but we don’t know, just as we will never know what “Richie Tozier would”.  

Richie Tozier seems to know, though. When he realizes they’ll have to leave Eddie’s body behind, he kisses Eddie’s cheek (just as Eddie touched his in his final moments, and in contrast to the way he used to pinch them) and...:  

“Richie got up and turned toward the door. ‘Fuck you, Bitch!’ he cried suddenly, and kicked the door shut with his foot. It made a solid chukking sound as it closed and latched. / ‘Why’d you do that?’ Beverly asked. / ‘I don’t know,’ Richie said, but he knew well enough.” (King 1427)

Richie’s shutting the door on Pennywise and the sewers and the whole horrible tragedy of it all, yes. But he’s also furious with the grief of losing Eddie, and shutting the door that will now forever separate Eddie’s final resting place from the hole where he died. Bev’s question allows Richie to do just what Eddie did, too – keep it quiet, cut it off, not acknowledge what he’s avoiding or what he’s just lost. Still, he knows well enough.  

PART VI – CONCLUSION  

I don’t know for sure that King intended for Eddie to be closeted, but I think he did. He’s gone on the record that he believes in leaving stuff like this for the reader to figure out. There are a lot of scenes, a lot of small moments, that suggest that Eddie is gay, and while many of them make sense without that reading, the entirety of the picture they paint does not. I’m partial to Reddie, and as I’ve demonstrated above, I believe there is a lot of textual evidence to support the theory that they had feelings for each other. Eddie’s death alone, and the fact that the last thing he had to say needed to be addressed to Richie while Eddie held his face in his hands, is... a LOT. But I’ll be honest – my loyalty is to queer!Eddie on its own.  

If Eddie Kaspbrak is gay, then his story is ten times more heartbreaking. It’s a story of fear, not just of the supernatural but of the very real hatred and pain he would have faced being openly gay in Derry. It’s a story of fearing that something inside of him was rotten and sick and sinful, and that one of his closest friends in the world thought so too. It’s a story of self-loathing. And it’s a story without an end, because Eddie could never let himself think of how to finish admitting what he needed to admit to himself. The truth was lost in asthma attacks, in Myra, in death. In that sense, it’s fitting that King never explicitly stated that Eddie was gay, if that was indeed his intent – it's one more thing we’ll never know for sure, because Eddie couldn’t bring himself to tell us.  

THAT BEING SAID. My loyalty is to queer!Eddie. Which means that my loyalty is to making this shit better, exploring and dissecting the hell out of it, and fixing it. Give Eddie Kaspbrak the ending he deserved! Let him finish his thoughts! Take these quotes, draw inspiration from them, and let’s all cling to each other in preparation for Chapter 2.  

[thetradeway]

Session 29: 23 Jan 2021 “That’ll be the mating demon.”

Joe tells us that Duncan will rue the day he summoned a bunch of flumphs. He has had to spend an hour this past week reading up on flumphs, an hour that he will never get back. We aren’t going to enjoy it much either, he says. Oh, cool…

Ed will be with us apfelsaft. We give him five minutes, while we discuss Ahleqs’s flumphs. Ah - Ed has arrived. There is more flumph talk; we discuss trying to communicate with them. Do they speak? Our DM and now resident flumph expert, says yes - telepathically.

Now there’s talk about Star Trek, and Critical Role, and conventions. Today is a good day to die. Indeed.

The flumphs emit a faint blue glow - but then start pulsing and turning red. We roll Nature or History checks. All of us except Tarragon and Ahleqs (who both roll nat 1s) know that in the presence of evil things, flumphs turn red.

The flumphs are frightened of Ahleqs, and they do a really fun thing when they’re frightened: they jettison a stream of effluent on the target of their fear. This stuff is a component used by Wizards when casting Stinking Cloud.

Excellent!

Now Ahleqs will smell disgusting for three days - to the point where anyone within 20 feet of him makes a CON save, and if they fail it they will puke.

Less excellent.

On with the combat! Popcorn is still confused, and attacks Kessler. He can make another save versus the confusion, but fails with a 4.

The Babau attacks Rusty with its Weakening Gaze ability, and it succeeds. He now only does half damage with STR based weapons. It then attacks him with a spear, causing some of his less essential bones to fall off. He nimbly shambles out of the way of the second attack, fortunately.

Kessler rolls a 2 on her Confusion so she does not move or act on her turn. She rolls her save to end the spell - and passes. She turns to the demon: “Oi, fuckwit! You’re next!”

Grease wizard is up. He curates some magics for us all to see: Mirror Image. Is that his action? “It is! Balls!” He thinks and or mutters in all his languages: “Er, (mumbling), the evil demon lady must be vanquished! I command ye flumphs in this endeavour!” Celestial, Common, Deep Speech and Dwarvish.

The flumphs show no indication that they’ve understood him. “Blast!”

One of the flumphs shudders - and a bunch of tiny flumphs appear from under its mantle. One of them wriggles up Gideon’s sleeve. “Have I got a baby flumph? I will guard him with my life!”

Rusty attacks the demon elf with a spell, and misses with a 16. “Oh! Augh! Rusty! Get your act together!”

Wait - does he get advantage? Gunna is grappling her. Yes! Ed rolls again. Rolls even lower. Rusty bottled it.

Tarragon rages and rushes over to attack the elf with her quarterstaff - she hits, and gets a glare in return. Ha. Good.

Melaina wants to shoot her in the face. She decides against Sharpshooter, and hits with a 17 doing 21 damage including her sneak attack. She hides as well as she can from things that aren’t looking at her; there isn’t much in the way of hiding places in here.

Can Gunna still hit her if he’s grappling her? He wants to do a Tyson - he makes a melee attack to try and bite off an ear. He hits with a 25! He rips her ear off; well that’s his how-de-do-dis, because she’s dead. Yay! Lots of cheering.

The demon is still there, however. Gunna drops the body of the elf and engages it. 16 to hit? That hits for 14 damage. Dayum. He does a Northman war cry. “Grahhhh!!! Winner!!!!”

Gideon, Gunna, Melaina, Ahleqs and Kessler see the air near the top of the stairs shimmer, and a strange looking dog blinks into existence (Tarragon is facing the wrong way so she doesn’t see it). It runs up and bites the demon. Demon blood flies everywhere.

Ahleqs debates what to do, deciding eventually on Eldritch Blast. 23 and 19 both hit, ten total force damage. “Is it dead? Did I kill it?” No. It didn’t like it but its still alive. Ahleqs sits down in his stink. He makes a CON save to see if he throws up from his own smell, but passes.

“For the next three days.”

Popcorn is no longer confused, so he attacks the Babau, he hits but is disappointed to realise that the thing is resistant to slashing damage. Still hits though.

The Babau does a Weakening Gaze against Gunna, who passes his CON save. It attacks him and hits. He’s still in double figures, he crows.

Kessler casts Magic Missile at level 2 at the Babau - four darts hit it, for 14 damage. “Fucker! I told you I was coming for you!” She moves to cut off his escape, and bonus action slams a potion in case he turns on her. Goblin rage! She adds Fury of the Small to her damage, as an afterthought. And then realises that she doesn’t have any potions left.

Gideon asks how the Babau is looking - makes an Investigation check with a 22. It’s bleeding and heavily wounded, but moving as normal so not all that close to death. He believes it is time to use Ray of Enfeeblement! (Ed reads the description in Gideon’s voice, a quavery old man voice.) He rolls a 19 to hit it - now it only deals half damage with STR based weapons. He’s undermined its confidence, maybe it’ll go away and think about its actions. Gideon also prays to Moradin, his dwarven god, and motions for Rusty to attack as well. He does, but misses. wait - ADV. nope, still a miss.

Tarragon takes the second to last space around the demon; it now resembles the bit in Shaun of the dead where they’re battering that zombie in the Winchester to Don’t Stop Me Now. She hits it with her quarterstaff, screaming obscenities as she goes.

Melaina shoots over Gideon’s head, but misses. ADV, but still a miss. Gunna rinses and repeats. 18 to hit, for 23 - and kills it, yay!

The flumphs start to vanish, but Gideon’s sleeve flumph remains. He is very excited by this. He wants some of the flumph effluent; Ahleqs knows where there’s a large amount of it. Unfortunately (or fortunately) Gideon doesn’t have anything to carry it in.

We make History checks (Melaina at ADV) to see what the elf-demon thing was; she rolls a dirty 20.

It was a fey’ri - half demon, half elf. A noble house of elves bred with demons during an ancient war to strengthen their blood. They capture (usually) sun elves and breed them with demons to create more fey’ri. Morally we were ok killing this thing. Melaina knows that other elves will probably reward us for its head - Good thing Gunna already chopped it off. We stow it away.

Gideon gives the dog a stern look. It seems otherworldly and disinterested in Gideon. We offer it food. It seems interested in Tarragon. She recognises it from her friend - it’s Raeph’s! Perhaps he’s fallen down a well. She asks the dog to take her to Raeph. Its called Naysa. It blinks to the top of the stairs and looks back at us. Ahleqs follows at a distance, presumably wilting the flora as we go.

The dog starts scratching at a door that leads to the ruins at the bottom of the tower.

Do we want to rest before we move on? What time of day is it? Ahleqs finds some water to start scrubbing off the flumph stink. Do any of us fancy helping him, it will give him advantage on his roll? We all refuse immediately. Gideon tries, but fails his CON save and throws up.

Kessler does her Alarm spell. Melaina can do Mage Hand, so she can help Ahleqs from a distance.

On second watch, Ahleqs spots a quasit crawling up the stairs; he thinks he can deal with it himself. It does set off Kessler’s Alarm spell, so she is also awake. Ahleqs does a quiet Eldritch Blast, but he does also do a little scream. Kessler looses her Lightning Launcher. All the attacks hit - the quasit is blasted into dust.

Melaina makes a Perception check for her watch; rolls a 12. She doesn’t see anything and her watch passes without incident.

Gideon asks Tarragon about flumph care; with a nat 20 she knows all about them. They eat small rodents and snakes, but they usually live off telepathic energy and thoughts. Ahleqs suggests pressing the flumph to his head.

The door Naysa leads us to is locked; Melaina unlocks it.

Joe makes the mistake of asking how we enter the room: “QUIETLY!!”

Gunna goes first, with Melaina, then Tarragon. Gideon wants to be the meat in the sandwich, and Kessler goes with him in case she gets the chance to shove him down the stairs. Ahleqs goes at the back, even though he’s less fragrant now.

We makes Stealth checks with Pass Without Trace; Melaina rolls a Nat 20 (30 total with Pass Without Trace gives her 40!) and straight up stops existing.

It’s dark so the humans will need torches, immediately negating all our stealth checks. We hold off lighting any for a minute.

There’s some discussion of asking the dog if it’s dangerous, but we wouldn’t be able to understand her.

Naysa is emitting a low growl - apparently the answer to our unasked question is ‘yes’. Gideon decides to scout ahead - Tarragon goes with to give him the benefit of PWT. We make more stealth checks. We see some ‘disgusting things’ - dretches.

Okay team. We could surprise attack or sneak past?

Ahleqs: “What do they look like?”

Gideon: “Like the goblin but bigger.”

Gideon suggests throwing the sorcerer at them to maximise the surprise and take advantage of his pyrotechnics, thus lighting the scene for the humans.

What’s the plan? Move ourselves to prepare for a surprise attack, then launch a surprise attack.

Gideon grabs Gunna by his big nordic hand and leads him into position. (He’s gone out for a fag, so Sophie says he goes quietly)

Surprise attack!

Gideon kicks off the action with Fireball, and places it so he gets all of them. Joe makes various Dex saves for the dretches - two pass but two fail and are killed outright. Woohoo! Even the ones that make the save are now close to death.

Kessler shoots her Lightning Launcher, waits for her laptop to catch up, then makes her attack rolls. She kills the two remaining dretches. Yay!

We don’t even need to be in initiative. Ahleqs pulls out Simon - he was lit previously, but Ahleqs kept him in his coat. Gunna now lights a torch.

Naysa has stopped growling.

Looking around - we are in subterranean ruins, with elven carvings on the walls. Gideon has Stonecunning - he examines the walls. Rolls a nat 20 and adds double his proficiency.

It’s made of white marble - Gideon believes it to be a palace. “Oh my friends, we shall find such treasures here!” He starts to run his hands over the stone. “Not quite as elegant as dwarvish stonework, to be sure, but it has its merits.”

Can he see any passages? He hems and haws. He thought he saw a door, but he did not. The DM points them out. (Gideon casts Obvious Door.)

There are two doors. They look much the same. Which door does Naysa want to do? She sniffs around and blinks in and out but doesn’t seem to know which way to go. Gideon sniffs about for elven treasures.

Tarragon reaches for one of the doors, but a skeletal hand reaches through and grabs her - she takes 10 necrotic damage and one level of exhaustion!!

Kessler examines the other door - from a distance. Melaina opens the other door with Mage Hand - there is no skeleton on the other side. Just a spiral staircase leading down. Gunna charges down, pressing on the walls and stamping on the floor as hard as he can, poking the ceiling with his sword, licking doorknobs, everything. “The first D&D character to die of coronavirus.” He takes 1 level of hepatitis.

He does some sneaking (with PWT) and rolls a 22 for a 32 total.

We find ourselves in a huge room with a magical wall bisecting it. On the other side is a huge demon!

Gunna makes an Investigation check; rolls a 9. Higher than he was expecting. It looks like there is a cage on a dais on the far side.

Kessler: “That’ll be the mating demon.”

What size is it?

Large.

Gideon rolls Investigation on the forcefield; rolls a 10. “I believe it to be some sort of Force Field.”

Naysa is scrabbling at the forcefield with her paws.

Tarragon finds some double doors, and asks Melaina to take a look at them. (She learned her lesson with the last door.) Melaina checks for traps with a dirty 20 - and finds a trap that required a roll of 20 to spot. Nice!

She wants to disarm it, but if she sets it off it will do a 30ft cone AOE thing. Gunna stays to help her (emotionally - he’s useless mechanically) and Tarragon casts Guidance, while the others move out of the blast radius.

Melaina rolls an 11, and a 1 on her Guidance. Gunna casts Teleport. Disguise Self. Rope Trick!

Gideon is still standing right in the blast radius, so he gets it as well. They all make WIS saves - Melaina Natty 20’s it, Gideon rolls a 15, but Gunna gets 13. They take psychic damage - Gunna takes 15 and gets disadvantage on attacks for 10 minutes. The others get 7 PSY damage and no effect on attacks. Gunna casts Healing Word.

The trap is spent now, however. Melaina has a go at picking the lock, and there’s her 20.

Naysa starts growling. Melaina makes a Perception check (Gunna’s ears are bleeding. He needs some calpol). Gunna takes 12 piercing damage - the end of a spear appears through his side!

We roll initiative - turns out that was a surprise round.

Tarragon Thorn Whips the creature but whiffs it. She casts Healing Word on Gunna for her bonus action. Gideon casts Ray of Enfeeblement, and tucks the baby flumph further up his sleeve to protect it from harm.

Kessler wants to know if we can’t just talk about this. Then she casts Magic Missile at level 2.

Naysa gets a turn - she charges the thing that attacked Gunna and bites it - she is growling and hanging off the creature’s wrist. Gideon: *laughs* “quite the fighter, eh??”

It’s another Babau. It attacks Naysa back, and spears at Gunna again. Gideon halves the damage to Naysa, and the spear attack misses. It does get a save vs. his Enfeeblement, but that’s a big fat fail. “I am a wise and powerful wizard!”

Gunna attacks with a 15, but that’s a miss. He goes again with a 9 (He’s still at disadvantage from the psychic attack from the door).

Ahleqs can’t see anything so he does an Eldritch Blast, doing 3 force damage.

Popcorn rushes forward to savage the Babau. He hits with his beak but misses with his claws. Melaina hides and shoots.

Tarragon misses with her Thorn Whip again. We all kind of want to save our spell slots, because Joe started laughing when Gunna refused another Healing Word, saying he’d be fine as long as ten more Babau didn’t charge around the corner.

Gideon is delighted to find that his Chill Touch spell does an extra die of damage now that he’s level 5! He fondles his book of lore, happy with his attack.

The gobbo does another MM for 12 force damage. No, 16!

The babau, deciding to mix things up a little, spears Gunna again. (He casts Barkskin. Leomund’s Tiny Hut. Um - )

it’s Gunna’s turn. Has ten minutes passed yet? Probably not. He attacks with a 24 - at Disadv! He forces a STR save (Does it have to? Gunna: “I insist.”) and it rolls a 13 - a fail. It takes 18 damage and it is disarmed of its spear, only it isn’t, because Gunna has killed it. Yay!

(Ed puts a gif of someone raising his arms and screaming “Victory!!” on the group chat; Gunna does exactly that.)

Does he need aid with that spear? He takes a potion. We’re all quite tired so Joe calls it there as Mina and Duncan are yawning.

(It turns out that Ed’s Irish coworker has been calling him Rich for the past year but he speaks so quickly that Ed has only just realised that’s what he’s saying. It is now far too late to correct him.)

[ryanmeft]

Ryan’s Top Ten Films of 2017

I happen to think 2017 was a particularly fine year for movies. Of course, I also thought that about 2016, and 2015. If I could remember how I felt before that, I’d probably say the same thing about almost every year. The constant refrain that this is the year movies died or that we’ve fallen from some feverishly imagined golden age rolls off me like water off a stone, and I am unmoved.

In the end, though, as decreed in the esoteric conventions of the movie gods, I had to pick ten. And it was a tough choice. As usual, I did not attempt to decide the ten best films. I only highlighted the ten I liked the most.

I numbered it this year, but for the most part you can shuffle these around and it wouldn’t matter. My list encompasses a daring allegorical film, a story about ambition killing humanity, a rare take on the most famous war in history, a meditative haunting, and a movie about a fishman. In every case, they are on here for the same reason: they affected me at a guttural level, made me think, made me feel, perhaps influenced my own work. On with it.

10. mother! Roger Ebert said of Pulp Fiction “I knew it was either one of the year’s best films, or one of the worst.” One of those comes along every now and then, and I cherish them either way, because it’s impossible to be wishy washy about them. Darren Aronofsky’s uncompromising allegory is such a film. Is it a blood ‘n’ guts version of the book of Genesis? A meditation on ancient paganism? A primal scream about the very act of creating something from an artist who never does anything but exactly what he wants? Who knows? Jennifer Lawrence is a lot better utilized in dark roles like this, and Javier Bardem is an obsessed creator every bit as inscrutable as any god. Ed Harris and Michelle Pfeiffer are Adam and Eve, unless they aren’t. I usually say you ought to leave your baggage at the ticket counter when you see a movie, but mother! Absolutely demands you react to it on a visceral level. There’s no way to walk out of this one and be non-committal.

9. The Shape of Water

This is the kind of film that makes me happy I’m not so jaded as to demand some sort of lofty artistic merit (and who decides what art has merit, I might ask?) from every movie I see. You might fairly point out that some of the characters are not the deepest. You might fairly point out that’s it’s heavy on the sappy romance. You might fairly point out that the film isn’t a heavy hitter intellectually. I might fairly point out, in return, that I don’t care. Guillermo Del Toro’s lavish Cold-War-Meets-Creature-Feature-Love-Story, led by a mute Sally Hawkins, is a watery confection that I loved not because it made me think, but because it made me feel. A talent-loaded cast---Richard Jenkins, Michael Stuhlbarg, Octavia Spencer, Michael Shannon and Doug Jones as the creature---fuels a movie I just wanted to sink into like a pool under starlight, and to top it off, it treated sex as something people actually do, rather than simply pantomime.

8. The Meyerowitz Stories: New and Selected

To a creative sort, the sting of a parent who is indifferent to your life’s passions can be withering, but Noah Baumbach flips that. Here, a floaty, disinterested, perhaps somewhat delusional aging sculptor, played by Dustin Hoffman, is immensely dissatisfied with his three children’s desire for a normal life. The movies rarely deal in this, because it’s easier to draw sympathy for a hero when their parent is more viscerally abusive. The children all have their own ways of dealing with this, and they are brought to life with immensely affecting performances from Ben Stiller, Elizabeth Marvel, and…Adam Sandler? Yes, to everyone’s shock, Adam Sandler has one of the best roles of the year. I am less shocked, because I know he can act when he desires it. And act he does, playing the dutiful son who remains to endure his father’s stubbornness while the others attain greater degrees of freedom. What do you do with a parent who demands you desire their approval but will only give it on their terms? You learn to live with it.

7. Spider-Man: Homecoming

I’m a sucker for Spider-Man. Really, all you have to do to get me to like a Spider-Man movie is to make a halfway decent one. This one may not have been the all-time classic Spider-Man 2 was, but it gave me a relatable Peter Parker, a cast of affecting friends for him, Michael Keaton as the best on screen Spidey villain since Doc Ock, and plenty of Spider-action. I’m going to be honest with you: I think that’s all I need. If you need more, though consider that the MCU formula, which, critics have rightly said is liberally applied to almost all characters, actually works for Spider-Man. Having this excitable super-powered teenager crack jokes about everything to paper over his insecurities and refuse to take his powers or the world he’s a part of all that seriously, only to learn a harsh lesson about how much that life can cost him, fits not just the character but the John Hughes-esque High School setting perfectly. After Tobey Maguire got Peter Parker right and Andrew Garfield nailed his alter-ego, Tom Holland and director Jon Watts are the first pairing to land both halves. The fact that it is such a near-perfect invocation of my favorite comic superhero didn’t affect my review (I still stand by my judge-a-movie-based-on-the-movie mantra), but it did help land the film on this list. Because it’s my damn list and I’ll do as I please.

6. Call Me by Your Name

It’s impossible to shoot a movie in the environs of rural Italy and not make it look gorgeous, it seems. You just point the camera. Setting a gripping story with compelling characters against this backdrop is a challenge, one that Luca Guadagnino accomplishes. He weaves a languid tale of idle academics in a beautiful place, and normally that would be anathema to me, as I’m not a big fan of stories featuring well-off people who live in paradise. Something about this one, however, grabbed me, and it isn’t just Timothee Chalamet’s career-making performance. I think it is the lack of forced drama. 17-year-old Elio may be the main emotional attraction, but where lesser romances take the easy way out, with histrionics and unrealistic contrivances, Guadagnino creates people, people who are capable of coming to peace with their situations and recognizing that life may not always turn out the way you want, but that there’s a large gap between “fairy tale” and “nightmare”. It isn’t a “gay movie”, but a movie about two people who happen to fall in love. It is erotic in the broadest sense of the word.

5. In This Corner of the World

To the casual moviegoer, it may seem that a war movie without any war in it should be reclassified. Certainly, it once seemed that way to me. I’ve learned better, and Sunao Katabuchi’s film centering around one young woman trying to have something like a normal life while Japan is in the midst of World War II took me by surprise. Whereas Saving Private Ryan or Grave of the Fireflies might hit you in the gut by displaying the most horrible effects of war in graphic detail, ITCOTW takes a different approach. Warships wait languidly in the harbor of an otherwise peaceful town. Rations run low and ordinary people must make sacrifices. Life goes on surrounded by only indirect reminders of pain, and I was hit by a revelation that seemed obvious in hindsight: most citizens were as unaware of the extent of their government’s ambitions as we are, and were at best distant collateral in the pursuit of empire. In one of the most indelible scenes of the year, the residents witness a massive flash of energy come from from far over the mountains, and after a second we realize with a start that it must have been Hiroshima. Then they go about their day.

4. Detroit

Here we have the most egregious Best Picture slight since Inside Llewyn Davis. In 1967, police staged a raid on a party for black veterans, which touched off a riot during which several black men ended up dead at the hands of the police. Kathryn Bigelow takes on this material and decides the audience must be spared no discomfort or disgust in seeing the terror unfold. A row of black men are lined up against a wall and interrogated, including being terrorized by a sadistic game wherein one is taken into another room and pretend-murdered to scare the others. Two white women at the hotel are swept up, their crime to have been spending time with black men. The movie is anchored by a horrifying performance by Will Poulter as a beat cop so vehemently bigoted that even his white superiors hate him, and a sadness-inducing one by John Boyega as a black security guard who knows that even a hundred years after emancipation he must cower and grovel before authoritative whites to maybe, possible, if he’s lucky prevent black deaths. It is as harrowing and nerve-wracking a depiction of systematic violent racism as I’ve seen. If I may get a bit snippy for the moment, it is worth nothing that in a world where well-meaning voices decry both an alleged lack of films about black culture and a definite deficiency of women directors, this movie, despite a wide release, bombed at the box office. Reality is hard to face, but some people don’t have a choice.

3. Kedi

Would I have loved this as much if the focus were on dogs, not cats? Probably not. I am firmly in the cats-r-gud camp, and might even be said to be in the pocket of the powerful pro-kitty lobby. Thing is, I also wouldn’t have loved this movie so much if it were just about cats. Ceyda Torun’s documentary ostensibly about Istanbul street cats is really about life in one of the world’s most ancient cities. The feline stars of the film are simply catalysts for drawing that life into the open. Each of them have a distinct personality and some distinct humans to fit with. My favorite is the one who is absolutely loyal to his shopkeeper human, and also absolutely loyal to his other shopkeeper human. Shot using inventive techniques to capture the lives of the cats when they go out-of-bounds, and infused with a haunting Kira Fontana score and mesmerizing beauty courtesy of cinematographers Alp Korfali and Charlie Wupperman, you need not have a cat to love it, but you do require a heart. These people, all among the “common” working classes of Turkey, commit what will, for the sadly xenophobic world we currently live in, be a mortal sin: they force you to admit everyone, everywhere, is just human. Even the furry ones.

2. A Ghost Story

The most common thing I hear when I bring this one up is “Oh, the bedsheet one!” It makes me remember a time when I could casually write off such a film by reducing it to its most unusual element. Actually seeing the film makes me glad those days are gone. David Lowery’s haunting (pun definitely intended) meditation on life, loss, time, memory, holding on and letting go is not a film you watch if you want everything explained to you, or even want things that can be explained. Like the unfairly-maligned Cloud Atlas, it pokes gently at the mysteries of life and death and love by encouraging the audience to draw their own conclusions. We’re never quite sure of where we are in time and space, or how one scene relates to another, which is the point. As I’ve gotten older, one of the only things I’ve learned to do well is appreciate time not only as it relates to my immediate life, but as a sort of web that everyone experiences differently. I suspect such a mentality will be needed before one can really draw the marrow from this film. Once you do that, though, you’ll be treated to something that will stay in your mind, always.

1. Lucky

From Inside Llewyn Davis to Locke to Fruitvale Station, I’m always going to be a sucker for well-done films about various people just living life, mostly free from the conventions of pumped-up drama. That’s not to say I don’t like drama, but the films that make me reflect on the ordinary, real world are almost always going to end up higher in my esteem at the end-of-year roll call. Such is the case here. Lucky is not about anything. If you’re looking for some anchor for a plot, there isn’t one. Played by the great Harry Dean Stanton in the last performance released during his lifetime, Lucky is a 90-year-old man who is dying. He doesn’t have a disease. He isn’t injured. He’s just old. He’s an avowed atheist. He’s a bar stool philosopher. He’s kind of a prick. These things are not plot. They are just aspects of a man who, after nine decades on earth, has picked up many aspects, not a one of which feels like something a real person wouldn’t acquire. That’s the beauty of John Carroll Lynch’s film: you’re not going to find Lucky doing anything a man like him would be unlikely to do for the sake of cheap entertainment.

So what does happen? He lives in a dusty old town without much in it and watches game shows. He does crosswords. He eats at the diner and drinks at the bar that hasn’t banned him. He goes to a child’s birthday party at one point, sure, but where I was fearful the film would veer off into contrivance, it instead gave me one of the most beautifully natural scenes of the year. Lucky does have a struggle, and it is to face the (admit it) horrible truth that, even if you do everything right and don’t get sick and don’t get broken and live a good life, you still have to die. No one who was familiar with him didn’t feel the loss of Mr. Stanton, but what a film for him to go out on. What a film. Some films almost made the cut, so here are my honorable mentions, in alphabetical order. Most of these movies, if going by the anachronistic system humans seem to prefer, would also have gotten 3 1/2-to-4 star “official ratings”. In the end, though, there could be only one. Er, ten. There could be only ten. Beatriz at Dinner Darkest Hour I, Tonya It Comes at Night Lady Bird The Lost City of Z Mudbound Phantom Thread The Greatest Showman Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

[iamwhelmed]

For Whom the Bell Tolls: Chapter 10

I’m not sure I’ll have enough time to update the rest of this week. If I do, you guys will be the first to know... because I’ll have updated it...

Also on AO3 and Fanfiction.net!

Summary: When monsters start to invade Mayview, the morality of the connection between a medium and their spirit comes into question. Is killing a spirit any different from taking the life of another human? Relationships between club members become strained, and if Max thought the club was coming apart before, it certainly is now.

He closed his locker and zipped up his bag, just like he did every day. When he walked down the crowded hall with shoulders brushing and bumping into his every other moment, and when he took the first steps down the stairs that lead to the first floor, it all felt normal. Like every day after school, he was taking his usual route with the usual weight of his textbooks, and it was all so very usual.

But Isaac’s body was tingling, shivering, twitching with anxiety. Every person he passed seemed to be watching him, judging him, and guilt was slowly clawing across his strangled chest, twisting his stomach into such a tight knot that he nearly keeled over. He never wanted to hurt them, or anybody, anybody but the club. He told himself it was fair; they’d been killing him slowly for two years, twisting and digging an already-wedged knife even deeper into him when all he wanted was to make it all up to them. He’d tried. After Dimitri left the club, he’d tried. After Spender started keeping secrets, he tried. Then Isabel stopped talking, and Ed stopped talking, and week after week his patience seemed to snuff out, little by little. They still made fun of him, and he still remembered realizing, by chance, that maybe it’d never been friendly, that maybe they made fun of him because they didn’t care about him, not because they were bonding or something, in hindsight, stupid as that. He got weaker, and weaker, and he got hopeless, and pathetic, leaching onto something that would never be.

Then Max happened.

Max took the knife out of his chest, and just as he thought it was gone for good, Max dug it right into his heart.

He didn’t care; he never did. Just like the rest of them. Isaac wasn’t even important enough to be hated, wasn’t worth the thought and energy. They had other things to worry about, things they wouldn’t tell him because he didn’t matter and he was nothing but the team mascot they’d abuse each and every day, toying with his emotions the way masters lined up their puppets. So he hated them for all they were worth, hated himself, too. It disgusted him that they had so much tug at his strings, that they could burn each thread down without so much as a glance and not even watch his ashes hit the ground. He knew they’d never forgive him, let alone like him-- and he didn’t even want that anymore. He just wanted them to care.

And if he had to make them hate him as much as he hated them to get there, he’d do that.

She’d been tossed and kicked and bent, and there wasn’t any sign she’d get better. She was sure her grandfather saw it-- sure her opponent saw it. Isabel winced and got on her knees, pressing the palms of her hands against the wet grass. Her legs were bruised from just above the calves and down, though she was sure a spectral shot had hit her right in the thigh-- and her side-- earlier. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. This wasn’t a student that had ever given her trouble before. When her grandfather called him up to the field, she’d been sure he wanted her to teach the slacker a few things, but it looked like the tables had turned. It was either the loser had finally started brushing up on his punches, or…

She turned her head over her shoulder, eyes searching the sidelines. Master Guerra sat at his typical spot, arms crossed, looking gruff as ever-- she wasn’t doing well, she knew that. Other students sat around with water bottles in their hands and towels around their necks, wiping beads of sweat from their red foreheads. Others met her eyes when they landed on them. Ed sat among the crowd with hardly a drop of sweat at his brow, and he was also watching her.

Usually he’d be cheering her on so obnoxiously loud that her grandpa would have to shut him up.

He just sat there, watching her. No expression. No glee, no disinterest, nothing.

Isabel reached up and wiped the wetness from the corner of her lip, twisting back around just as the student came closer with one extended hand. Was he going to help her up? Punt her in the stomach with his aura? “Bad move, buddy.” She curled her fist and threw it right into the side of his face, sending him into the ground, rolling a few inches away. She took the opportunity to kneel on one leg, baring her teeth. The student gasped and pushed their body off the ground and she dove forward, pulling back her other fist before throwing it forward. The other student dodged it, and they began dancing back and forth like that-- Isabel throwing punches, the student just narrowly dodging them.

“You are not concentrated, Isabel. You will focus.”

“I’m trying!”

She took another glance at Ed, who seemed just as withdrawn as he had before. He’d just taken to wiping his mouth with a towel hanging from another student’s shoulders. It took only that moment for the other student to dig their heel into the ground, raising both arms tight to each other to block the next hit Isabel went for. She blinked, and he reached around to grab her extended arm by the elbow, twisting the skin enough to feel like it was burning. She yelped, and they docked their heel in the ground with a small hole, twisting their body around so that she followed.

They went around and around in circles, spinning so furiously and so quickly that Isabel’s breath didn’t just leave her-- her footing did, too. She was weightless, couldn’t even manage a scream, though she was trying. Her legs swung through the air as the other student twisted them both around. Then he started to let her go. Isabel choked on nothing and tried to press her hand against the force of the wind, inching closer and closer to his arm where she could latch on. It felt like the whole world was pressing against her, so thick and invisible she couldn’t fight against the currents.

Slowly, though she was squinting through dry eyes, her fingertips brushed against his wrist  where he held her. He grunted and let her slip through his fingers, releasing her to the mercy of the wind. It felt, then, like the wind was knocked right out of her, equal to any punch she’d ever received in the gut. She went flying across the yard, too fast to do anything about it, too slow to know anything but the instinctual fear.

Her feet hit the ground first, tips of her toes brushing against dirt and wet grass. Then her body started to fall backwards, and with an outstretched arm, she watched as the world around her ran in circles again. She went tumbling, rolling in a ball until she’d gone as far as the other student could throw her, back hitting the ground before her legs did. Isabel gasped and arched her back, twisting around so that she could sit up on her elbows. Strands of her hair fell into her face, twigs and dirt like dandruff on her head. She coughed and bent her head below her shoulders, clenching her fists.

“You aren’t even trying, Isabel.” Her eye twitched at Master Guerra’s voice. “Why will you not focus? What else is so important?” She pushed herself higher, sitting up on her calves. “Fight again, and this time, concentrate.”

“I can’t!”

Isabel pressed onto both feet, spinning on her heel, speeding as fast as her walk could carry her to the front door of the dojo, one hand to her face, the other balled in a fist at her side.

Master Guerra followed her with his eyes, sneering to himself and stroking his beard. “What a distracted child… she will get over that should she be a prodigy.”

Ed’s eyes followed Isabel all the way to the door, brows furrowing. His hands tangled, fingers intermingling.

He wanted to reach out to her; he wanted to grab her hand.

“Concentrate?” Isabel slammed the door to her room hard enough that the walls shook around her. “How am I supposed to concentrate when he’s leaving me here?” One hand reached out and gripped the lamp at her beside. Her fingers clenched around it, and she tossed it as far and as hard as she could into the wall. It shattered on impact. “First Eightfold,” Isabel kicked a stack of textbooks, both schoolwork and spectral work. Papers went flying through the air, falling around her like slow, soft confetti. She sneered at it all. “Now Ed, it’s all my fault, and I’m supposed to concentrate!” She was supposed to remind him that she’s cool-- that he thinks she’s cool-- and what did she do? Fecked it all up! “What am I even doing? Nothing! Showing off isn’t gonna make him stay, Isabel, you idiot! He’s your friend, not some sparkle-eyed groupie! Ugh! How dumb can I even be?” There had to be a way to get him to change his mind, something that would remind him that she was his best friend, that she needed him-- darn it, she couldn’t lose him, too! Not so soon after Eightfold! She’d let one friend down already, lost them because she made a choice-- not the wrong choice, but not a great one-- and the same stupid thing was about to chase Ed away too, and it was all just her fault! How was she supposed to fix it? Could she even?

Isabel huffed, breaths in and out as she stood in her destroyed bedroom. Whatever books she’d had laid around were all over, had even knocked over some posters that’d been hanging on the wall. Her bedsheets were thrown to the other side of the room, pillows and their feathers falling in the air, gracing her head on the way down, blowing away as she exhaled. Her fists unclenched, and she frowned.

No, she would fix it-- she had to.

His dad had been fiddling with his tie for the last twenty minutes, but he insisted he do it himself, so Max let him. The old guy was smiling from ear to ear, nose wrinkling in sheer anticipation of what was to come on his Tuesday night. After all, third date? His dad might be getting home late that night… the thought made him sick, but Max put on a fake grin anyway. His dad could never tell the difference. He loved his kids and all, yeah, but the guy was practically a dumb teenager in an adult’s body; reading people wasn’t something he was exactly high in skill on, even in regards to his own kids. He could always tell with Mom though…

“Finally! Got it! How do I look, Max?”

He blinked back to life, eyeing his father in the suit he’d worn all of three times-- his sister’s wedding, Easter, and then one embarrassing time to a casual neighborhood cookout-- and finding, with mild contempt, that he actually looked pretty good. Max nodded and forced his smile to be wider, like that made it look more genuine or something. He knew it didn’t, but he also knew his dad wouldn’t notice. “You look great, Dad!”

“Even the tie?”

“Even the tie.”

His dad laughed, and the smile he’d had twitched downwards for the smallest of moments as he reached up to tug at it around his throat, lightly tugging when the knot sat. “I haven’t tied one in years, I suppose. Your mother always helped me with it…” The room fell silent with the drop of Max’s mood, sullen and somber, reminiscent of a time years passed. His dad winced and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I like to think she’s cheering for me, wherever she is.”

Max stayed quiet.

Moments passed in hours, or they felt like hours, honestly Max couldn’t much tell anymore. Time had become a bit of the odd concept when he focused on it too long. Five years seemed like five years sometimes, the times where he wasn’t actually really thinking about it, the times where the date crossed his mind but he’d be busy doing something else, like fighting Grudges or struggling to remember who signed the Declaration of Independence. Then other times, times like these, five years seemed like five minutes ago. Five minutes was too soon, he felt, to be talking about another woman, too soon for it to feel like moving on and not “cheating”. He pushed the guilt in his chest down, though it came at him from two sides-- the part of him that knew he should support his dad, and the irrational part of him that felt like a traitor, pushing his dad into a stranger’s arms because she apparently “had blue hair” and “smiled like the ocean”. Yeah? Well his mom had caramel eyes and a voice like the warmest bells in spring, with cinnamon and fire and chestnut.

“Anyway,” his dad started for the stairs, waving to Max on his way over “I’ll text you when I’m on my way home! It’s a school night, so I promise it won’t be too late.”

“Yeah, yeah…” He might have sounded more flippant than he’d planned, so he covered it up with a low chuckle and waved back. “Have a- a good time!”

His dad smiled again, and giggled like a child before sliding down the staircase railing.

Wednesday

“You can’t run this story, Suzy.”

“And? Who says I can’t?”

Dimitri growled through his teeth and ran a hand through his hair. Suzy watched him the way he figured she would when Isaac told her-- if Isaac told her. She took a step back when he took a step forward, and kept her eyes on him even when Collin was saying something.

Collin, who wasn’t much better, standing on the very opposite side of the room from the two of them, hands in his pockets, legs twisted to run whenever the situation might call. But Dimitri would never hurt them, and it bugged him more than he would have liked to logically admit that they seemed scared of him. Seemed? No, they were. Horrified. “Please, Suzy, listen to me here. If you release that story, there’s a lot that’s gonna happen and none of it’s gonna be good.”

“Except that people will finally know the truth.”

“You’ve gotta trust me here!”

Suzy practically spit at him. “Oh yeah? Like you trusted me?”

Dimitri blinked, lips parting to say words he couldn’t even fit together. She watched him, unmoving, hands clutching the folders and pictures to her chest; the editor in him, the part of him that didn’t exist until Suzy took him into the journalism club, until she got her hands on him and changed him because that’s honestly what Suzy did best-- he wanted to tell her that she’d crease the pages; it would all be harder to scan. He shook the thought and fixed her with a glare, taking a step forward. “Suzy-!” He reached one hand toward her, aiming to set it at her shoulder, maybe set her terrified self at ease.

But another hand gripped his wrist and tugged it to the side, and when Dimitri looked, he found Collin standing there, an unreadably cool look on his face for somebody who knew Dimitri could slice him in half. His lips thinned, and he forced himself to not pull out of his hold. He turned his attention back to Suzy, who’d been glancing at Collin with startled eyes when he started again. “Suzy, you have to trust me. You have no idea what you’re doing!”

“Bite me, broski. You’ve been one of them from the beginning, haven’t you?”

“What?”

“A spe- specter…” Suzy hummed and bit her lips. “Whatever you guys are called! You’re one of them, and you knew I was on the Activity Club’s trail, so you joined the Journalism Club to throw me off!” Her voice cracked, and he could see her eyes turning red behind the fire she used as a shield. He went to say something, and she cut him off. “You never wanted to be here! You were-- you were a double agent! You were just trying to protect the people you actually care about!”

“Suzy, I-!”

“Well what about us, huh?” She slapped one hand to her chest. Cheeks brushing red as frustration and betrayal and pain took over, and she spat each word. “Don’t you care about us at all? We were supposed to be a team, you jerk! And all this time you’ve just been hanging around for their sake? Protecting them?”

He could feel Collin’s hold slackening around his wrist, fingers parting slowly until the whole hand fell. “Suzy.” Collin’s voice fell on deaf ears. Dimitri would have tried, but they’d both learned long ago that there was no quelling Suzy. She was fierce in every meaning. When she felt, she felt with the same passion and ambition in which she worked, and right then she must have been feeling perfectly dismal.

“Well, you failed.” When she spoke next, she spoke with finality and clarity, though he could hear the wet salt piling up. “So you can go report back to your little psychic friends and let them know you can join their little cult again, because there’s no reason for you to come around here anymore!”

He hadn’t known heartbreak for a long time, if he’d ever. It was something he only heard about in overly dramatic novels when they read tragedies in English, or soap operas his mom would pop on the TV sometimes with a fresh pint of ice cream. It was a deep, scarring feeling, he’d gathered, something so profoundly painful that it could lead someone to do their worst-- murder, suicide, cheating-- the works. It had the power to start wars and the power to win or lose them. Dimitri wasn’t sure he’d ever really known heartbreak, but he was sure he felt something like it right then.

He gaped like a brainless fish at Suzy, who’d twisted away, rubbing furiously at her eyes. She couldn’t have been serious, right? He turned to look at Collin, who’d been watching Suzy with such empathy he almost thought he was sharing in the bulk of her pain. He looked at Dimitri when he felt his eyes on him, frowning sympathetically compared to the rage that’d been in their fearless leader.

“I think you should go.”

Dimitri looked from Collin to Suzy, back and forth until his mind could completely process that this was really happening. Each second had his heart splitting in two, cracking open and spewing a mouthful of emotions he didn’t think he’d ever find it in himself to feel. Yet there they were, cold, hot, stinging, unconceivable panic and regretful acceptance bursting forth from his chest and rising like acid in his stomach. Something was rising in his throat, but he choked it down because it wasn’t a scream or a speech, or a plan-- it was unfamiliar, and it was taking him over the way no other emotion had taken him before.

He twisted on his heel and sped through the clubroom door, falling into step with the rest of the student body, filtering through the front doors on their way home.

Collin watched after him, clenching and unclenching that hand that’d been wrapped around Dimitri’s wrist. He wasn’t sure what he’d been doing, or even why. He guessed he was done seeing Suzy put herself in danger, not that Dimitri was actually a threat, necessarily; there’d been a chance, but most of him wanted to believe Dimitri was secretive-- not a psychopath. It was odd that his mind had pressed him to step between her and danger that time, as opposed to trying to keep Suzy away from any danger at all. But he’d found himself leaping in front of her; he’d known, somewhere, he hoped, that Dimitri wasn’t going to hurt her, but some part of him wasn’t sure, and that part of him had full control for just that moment.

He turned to look at Suzy, who’d stopped wiping her eyes, though he could still hear her sniffling.

“It was a good idea, not telling him.” Collin stuffed his hands in his pockets, and Suzy stood a little straighter. “He was torn up enough about you publishing it in the school paper. If he knew you were…”

“Yeah.” Her voice still shook. He could hear it even in just that word. He could see the unspoken comment in the air. I think he might’ve really tried to kill me, then.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Well, what are we waiting for? We have two-hundred dozen papers to print.”

She glanced at him over her shoulder, scrunching her red nose, brows furrowed, eyes curious. He smiled and shrugged, turning away to gather the printing paper. Suzy blinked and gave her eyes one last good wipe back and forth, her smile growing little by little before she beamed at him from behind her sleeve. “Let’s get to work, then, lazy-bum!”

[closetofanxiety]

Nitromare: Three men make a terrible decision

I haven’t been posting here much because Hakujinjoe is visiting from Japan and we’re roaming around New England. For some reason, we decided to watch every episode of Monday Nitro during the Vince Russo-Ed Ferrara Era, starting with the very first one on October 18, 1999. Mark has joined us on this terrible journey, as he is not afraid to endure the worst 1990s TV wrestling had to offer. Let’s dive in, shall we?

The episode, airing from Philadelphia, starts with a limo arriving, a Vince Russo favorite. A bunch of suits get out, followed by Sid Vicious. They walk toward the arena with expressions of grim purpose.

Inside, we get a good cruiserweight match between Juventud Guerrera and Evan Karagias that is interrupted by Bret Hart, who comes out to complain that “politics in the back” have kept him from wrestling Hulk Hogan. This promo is interrupted by Sting, who comes out and offers Bret a world title shot, but not before saying, “I got your legacy right here” and doing a crotch chop. 

There’s a two-minute match between Disco Inferno and Vampire that ends with Disco getting a clean pin, then getting attacked by Lash Laroux. Heenan and Schiavone are on commentary and this is still definitively a wrestling show, but cracks are starting to show.

In the ring, there’s some kind of Nitro Girls competition happening, in which a new Nitro Girl will be chosen. The contestants are Chiquita and Stacy Keibler, and we see b-roll of them dancing suggestively. I think both ended up as Nitro Girls, but this segment is interrupted by Buff Bagwell, who comes out in a pair of overalls painted like a Kriss Kross video in 1990. He cuts a promo in which he repeats “Buff is the stuff” half a dozen times, dances awkwardly, and leaves. 

The Vince Russo Era has truly begun.

Some crowd signs: “No One Gives a Damn What the Rock Says”; “WWF = Wrestling White Trash Federation”; “Rey Misterio Bronco Buster ME”; “Rap is Crap!”; “Nash is God”; “Sid Fears the Spear”; “Sid Sucks”; “Velcro Despencers” [sic]; “Sid Your Next” [sic]; “Goldberg Philly is Next”; “Sting Rules”; “The Outsiders Are the Real Deal”; “Drunk 24:7″; “I See Dead People”; “Stone Cold Smokes the Pole”; “Hogan = Homo”; “Jebroni” [sic]; “Austin Sleeps With Sheep”; “Goldberg the Last True Hero”

Tag team championship match: Konnan and an unmasked Rey Misterio Jr. vs champs Harlem Heat. There’s decent wrestling, with Rey in particular hitting a beeyootiful  springboard moonsault, but Vince and Ed cannot abide a mere wrestling match, so Eddie Guerrero, Billy Kidman, and Torrie Wilson come out to talk on commentary for some reason. No one is calling the match, but it’s good. Rey looks like a child without his mask. Actually, with the dyed blonde hair, he looks exactly like his son, Dominic, whose custody he would later battle for in a ladder match. Stevie Ray hits the slowest, sloppiest power slam I have ever seen in a professional wrestling match. Eddie and Kidman interfere, then Rey and Konnan cheat to win the titles. NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPS. This is fine. The Filthy Animals were supposed to be cheating heels.

Kimberly Page is looking for someone backstage and is talking flirtatiously to David Flair, a man who does not want to be on television. It’s incredible how poorly suited he was for this. “David Flair looks like some guy they pulled out of the audience, like he’s shocked to be there,” Joe notes. “Like some college guy who just got out of a party.” Not since Mike Von Erich has a member of a wrestling family been so visibly unsuited for wrestling.

HELL YES. IT’S MENG TIME. Meng is wrestling Bill DeMott, who is still in his Hugh Morrus persona, but now he’s SERIOUS and Jimmy Hart is his manager. Morrus headbutts Meng, which is a bad choice. As the match proceeds, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash walk down the arena steps, so the entire crowd stops paying attention to what’s happening the ring. This is a hallmark of Vince Russo’s philosophy: just constantly have things interrupted by other things. Meng wins with the Tongan Death Grip, but the crowd doesn’t care. Hall and Nash are sitting ringside with two women Heenan describes as “beautiful dolls.”

Sid comes out to the ring and then calls his “attorneys” to join him. The crowd boos the attorneys. The crowd chants “Goldberg” while Sid uncorks a Vintage. Halting. Promo. With. Lots. Of. Jumbled. Shouting. “I. Am. A. Man. Of. My. Word. I. Am. A. Man. Of. Integrity” Sid says, a sentiment that many 21st century indie promoters will have reason to dispute. Goldberg runs out and absolutely flattens one of the actors playing a lawyer. Just fucking kills the guy. Sid lays Goldberg out with a kick and then power bombs him. The crowd is livid. This is a good setup for Halloween Havoc, because people are booing the heel and want to see him get his ass kicked. This is good wrestling booking. I can give credit where it’s due.

At ringside, Hall and Nash are laughing at Goldberg, who mushes them both. There’s a pull apart. Someone in the crowd throws a roll of toilet paper, because hey, Philadelphia. The Outsiders are led from the arena by security. A fresh-faced kid of perhaps 13 runs down to try and get Hall and Nash to Too Sweet him; a 1999 Internet fan. We watch a long tracking shot of Hall and Nash being led through the Spectrum, or whatever the Philly arena was called at this point. It’s almost artistic it’s so tedious. JJ Dillon appears for a split second, looking like a man who is rethinking the last 18 months of his decisions.

Backstage, Mike Tenay interviews Bret Hart, who cuts a good, standard wrestling promo, although he keeps calling the company “the WCW.” The interview is interrupted by Sting jumping Hart in the locker room, which is badly out of character. 

Now Berlyn comes out with his bodyguard, The Wall. Get it? Beryln and the Wall? God, was anyone in WCW more ill-served by the writers than Alex Wright? He was a good wrestler with a good look, who was given absolutely nothing to work with. Come to think of it, that also describes Brad Armstrong. Tonight, Berlyn will be wrestling the Dogface Gremlin himself, Rick Steiner, who looks as excited to be here as someone attending family court. It’s weirdly compelling how little Rick Steiner cares about this match. Why should he care? This match is going to be interrupted, and it is, by Brad Armstrong! Speak of the devil. Jesus, poor Brad Armstrong. He hates Berlyn, but his interference accidentally costs Steiner the match, and Steiner beats up Armstrong with a lazy, unhurried disinterest. 

We’re back in the bowels of the Spectrum, where Hall and Nash have sneaked back in. They wander around looking for Goldberg. They’re good at sneaking, what with this camera crew following them.

Now we’re at a hotel, and Kimberly page comes inside and then disrobes to a one-piece lingerie set. Instead of DDP, though, Ric Flair jumps out of the bathroom and tells Kimberly, “Tonight you gonna get the 14-time spanking your daddy shoulda given you a long time ago.” 

Now we’re backstage, and Goldberg, prowling the Spectrum, lays out Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope from Insane Clown Posse, which, as Joe notes, gets the biggest pop of the night. 

Now we’re at a different part of the backstage area, and Lex Luger and Miss Elizabeth are being interviewed, the knowledge we have now making this hard to watch. Lex cuts a halting, awkward promo about how he is, indeed, the total package. 

David Flair comes out in his father’s robe, to his father’s music, with all the pomp and circumstance of an unemployed guy walking outside to get the mail. He’ll be wrestling Billy Kidman, who comes out with Torrie Wilson. Four years after this, they would be married. The crowd hates David Flair’s awkward offense so much. Flair sucks so bad at this. Flair does sell the Shooting Star Press convincingly, probably because he was legitimately terrified and hurt by it. Kidman wins, and the Filthy animals come out to beat on Flair. Wikipedia tells me David Flair never wanted to be a wrestler, which sounds about right. 

Now we’re backstage for the Hall and Nash Snoop Hour. They run into Gene Okerlund, who looks bored and disgusted. 

Now we’re backstage, but in a different part, and Ric Flair is here, presumably having had sex with Kimberly Page despite her original desire to have sex with her husband. When I was growing up I had an issue of Playboy with Kimberly Page in it, which was a revelation for a WWF fan like myself. 

Now we’ve got an evening gown match featuring Mona - better known as Molly Holly - and Madusa, who is disgusted by the stipulation AND THAT’S PROBABLY A SHOOT BROTHER. This starts off fast, with some actual wrestling and some crisp suplexes from both women. “The last time I saw two women in dresses fighting like that was at Bloomingdale’s at the end of the month sale,” Brain says, beaming in from 1964. Madusa takes out the ref with a missed kick and then hits a beautiful suplex on Mona. Mona sneaks up from behind and pulls Madusa’s dress off. The crowd boos. None of us wanted this. Madusa gets the mic to cut a promo, saying everyone can kiss her ass. 

Backstage. Sting is pacing back and forth. Bret is heading out to the ring. Hart, maybe the best pure wrestler of his generation, was so badly misused by WCW. It’s really a phenomenal story. How could you screw something like this up? But they did. Oh, boy, did they. 

People love Sting, and at this point they still love Bret, so this match is a dumb idea. In retrospect it seems insane that they had this match, with no buildup, on an episode of free TV, but that was kind of common in this era, in both companies. The match begins as a leisurely paced brawl until Bret gets the upper hand by getting the knees up to stuff the Vader Bomb, or whatever it was called when Sting did it. Bret takes over for a while, then Sting reverses an Irish whip and gets a Stinger Splash to get the upper hand. Nick Patrick is the referee, and is not wearing a belt. Is that common? It looks weird. How are you holding up your sensible black trousers, Nick Patrick? The crowd is firmly behind Sting, who hits the elbow drop and does that thing where he cups his hands over his mouth and yells. I would describe this match as Perfectly Fine. It’s a rung or three below what these guys are capable of, but it’s not bad. Bret hits an absolutely filthy piledriver, but Sting kicks out. Hart teases the Sharpshooter but doesn’t give the crowd what they want. After some futzing around, he finally locks it in, but Sting grabs the rope. Sting is selling the effect of the Sharpshooter very well, trying to get Hart up for a bodyslam but having his leg give out under him. Oh boy, an interruption: Miss Elizabeth comes out to the ring for some reason, followed shortly by a bat-wielding Lex Luger. Hart is forced to fight Luger and Hart. Luger hits Hart in the shin with a bat, enabling Sting to lock in the Scorpion Deathlock, to which Hart immediately taps out. That finish was not Perfectly Fine. 

Wait, that wasn’t the main event? We’re backstage. Ric is yelling at David Flair, who repeatedly mumbles “Billy Kidman beat me up.” It’s hard to believe these two men are related.

Backstage in a different part of the Spectrum. Hall and Nash are putting on lucha masks for some reason. They are still looking for Goldberg. 

We’re back to the ring, for La Parka. Have you heard that he’s having a career year in 2018? Well, in 1999, he was having the kind of year where he had to follow a 15-minute Bret Hart-Sting match by wrestling Buff Bagwell. The crowd is predictably dead. What would these men say if you told them that in less than 20 years, one would be a gigolo and the other would be having a career year in pro wrestling? They would probably correctly guess which one would be the gigolo. La Parka beats a visibly disinterested Buff with a roll-up. Then Buff gets on the headset and says, “Hey, Russo, did I do a good job for you? Who else is going to beat me? Why don’t you come out and beat me?” Then Jeff Jarrett, in a surprise arrival from WWF, runs out and kabongs Buff with a guitar shot. The crowd reacts at least. This was kind of a famous jump from WWF to WCW, after Jarrett held Vince up for a huge sum of money to drop the belt to Chyna after his contract expired. Jarrett grabs his dick, says, “You wanna talk about stroke, bitch?” and then walks to the back. This is painfully Russovian. 

After another painful Hall-Nash segment backstage, we’ve got Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Jr. vs. Perry Saturn in a three-way elimination match. Shane Douglas joins the commentary team and says he is “the guy that built Philadelphia and kept wrestling alive in this godforsaken city.” The crowd is oddly silent for a match featuring Perry Saturn. Saturn throws a beautiful array of suplays while the Guerreros bicker. Eddie suplexes Chavo outside the damn ring, a crazy bump. This is a good match. The crowd is totally bored, or maybe exhausted. On the hard camera side, two guys dressed like Hulk Hogan who been doing wacky dances all night sit down immediately when a leathery Philadelphia Guido comes over and visibly motherfucks them, jabbing his finger and yelling. Good for you, Guy Who Makes Me Think of Frank Rizzo, those guys were awful. We need an interruption, so the Filthy Animals come down for some reason. They beat up Saturn while Douglas, who has an arm in a cast, rages. “It’s a damn conspiracy here!” he yells. Eddie hits the frog splash on Saturn for the pin, and then Chavo Jr. hits a tornado DDT on his uncle to win. The crowd is confused and angry. The Filthy Animals storm the ring and beat up Chavo. No one cares. 

God, is there more to this episode? We are exhausted. It feels like we started watching this five hours ago. 

Oh God, Horace Hogan in a hardcore match? A WCW hardcore match in Philadelphia when ECW was still a living proposition. It’s going to be Horace vs. Norman Smiley. One of the Hogan impersonators is dancing again. Where is Frank Rizzo Guy when we need him? This match is boring and bad. Horace sets up a table and goes through it. Norman wins. No one cares.

WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END? Flair comes down to the ring. Ric, not David. Who cares where David is. Flair makes a somewhat tortuous analogy between himself and Bobby Clarke, the great thuggish Philadelphia Flyer from the 1970s. He talks about having sex with Kimberly Page earlier in the night. He compares his son, David, to Eric Lindros. A lot of hockey talk tonight. Flair says he drank the Guerrero Brothers under the table in every bar from Mexico to Philadelphia, a plausible claim. The Filthy Animals come out and beat on Flair, which the crowd hates. David runs out to help his dad, and also gets beat on. Rey Misterio hits the bronco buster on Ric Flair. Konnan rips off Flair’s shirt and takes his wallet. The Filthy Animals take Flair’s jewelry. “Well, it’s Philadelphia,” Heenan notes. 

Lex Luger stumbles on Miss Elizabeth, laid out in the women’s locker room, a broken guitar laying near her head. ELIAS? WAS THAT YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH??

Goldberg comes to the ring, accompanied by security guards, while the crowd chants for him. One of the all-time greatest entrances in wrestling history. Somehow, this - Goldberg vs. Lex - is the main event, rather than Sting vs. Bret Hart. Goldberg runs outside the ring to start the match on the entrance ramp. Big “Goldberg” chants. This match is already way too long for a Goldberg match. Waaaaay too long. The Outsiders wander out from the back. “The fight goes on and on,” Tony says, summing up this whole ordeal. Now Sting runs out of the back for some reason and hits Goldberg with a baseball bat. The crowd boos. Now Bret Hart runs out of the back and starts beating up Sting. This is such a disaster. The crowd is pelting the ring with cups of soda. Goldberg spears Lex Luger and wins. 

Grade: Pot Roast That Has Been Left In The Sun For Days.

[spynotebook]

If the election of an American president abetted by Russian interference seems stranger than fiction, you're almost right. Exactly 30 years ago, in the midst of the Cold War, ABC aired a seven-night, 14-and-a-half-hour miniseries depicting life 10 years after the Soviet Union manipulates the presidential election as meek and deflated Americans shrug. “Amerika,” was heavily criticized at the time for peddling the histrionic premise of a bloodless coup. And while much of the production remains implausible, its core message is more relevant today than ever: They did it because we let them.

In the alternate universe of “Amerika,” (available only in VHS, though it can be found on YouTube) a puppet government was installed in 1988, after a sham election in which both major party candidates were Soviet stooges. By 1997, the 50 states had been replaced by 12 “administrative areas.” Communication systems had been taken out – no Internet or cell phones in this version of 1997 – cutting Americans off from each other. The mighty U.S. military is no more; the areas are patrolled by Soviet-controlled “United Nations Special Service Units.” Dissidents, if not simply exiled to desolate parts of the country, are brainwashed at the “People’s Acceptance Hospital.” Older Americans grumble about food shortages and a lost way of life, but are resigned to their fate. Kids are taught their “ancestors” were “bullies” who only killed Indians, exploited workers and dumped those who couldn’t work into “slums” to die. (Lincoln is still revered, but his image now gets paired with Lenin.)

Hope for a restoration of democracy is personified in Devin Milford, played by Kris Kristofferson. Milford, clearly styled on then-first term Senator John Kerry, is a Vietnam vet-turned antiwar activist-turned Massachusetts congressman. He was the last gasp for freedom, running as an independent in the 1988 presidential election before being sent to an American gulag. “Amerika” begins with his release after a six-year imprisonment. He’s not free. He’s confined to 25-mile area in his hometown of what was called Nebraska, but is now part of the “Central Administrative Area.” The Russians try to pressure him to help stifle nascent protests, but he is too stubborn and becomes the symbol of the resistance.

Milford’s refusal to bend is contrasted by his childhood friend Peter Bradford (Robert Urich). Bradford begins as a county administrator disgusted by his Russian overlords. But as he tries to do as much good as he can within the system, he gradually becomes closer to the regime. He eventually agrees to help formally dissolve the United States by turning the administrative areas into rump countries – the final phase of the Soviet’s grand plan, expedited by a false-flag massacre of the entire U.S. Congress, blamed on American terrorists. Bradford is tapped to become president of the new country, “Heartland.”

Hovering over them is the Andrei Denisov (Sam Neill), a KGB agent effectively running the Central Administrative Area (not to be confused with the real-life Andrey Denisov, who is Russia’s current ambassador to China). Cynical manipulation comes as easy to Denisov as breathing – he casually takes credit for a “controlled provocation,” stirring up “young people” to “resist in ways that make them feel good, not those that actually accomplish anything.” But he holds a soft spot for America. At key moments, he lectures Milford and Bradford – with a trace of sadness – on why their fellow Americans surrendered the Cold War.

How was it that the Soviets were able to waltz into America? The specifics of the coup are never spelled out, but various explanations are given as to why Americans were too demoralized to resist. Milford, in archival footage from his doomed presidential campaign, blames the scars from Vietnam, which “struck the core of our perception of ourselves as a people.”

Some point to economics. One man cites the decline of American manufacturing: “They wanted a country which didn’t have a productive capacity. I guess we were [already] well on our way to giving it up.” Marion Andrews (Wendy Hughes), Milford’s conniving ex-wife who betrayed him in 1988, rationalizes that Americans chose to welcome the communists because they were tired of chronic inequities: “Many of us took the opportunity to create an America we believe in. There were millions of people who never participated in the so-called ‘American Dream.’”

Milford has a different explanation. In a separate scene, he tells his sister soon after his return home that Americans were too scared and selfish to support his campaign and stand up for democracy: “I lost faith in everybody. Nobody wanted to risk anything for anybody else. Everybody afraid they were going to lose what they had. They knew it was bad. They were just afraid it’d get worse.”

Bradford, angrily defending his decision to be the face of secession from America to his horrified wife, echoes Milford: “For most people, being an American never meant that much anyway … Damn, I am so tired of this ‘I’m an American’ bull! Where was all that patriotism when it counted? Where was that willingness to sacrifice? Nobody wanted to join the damn Army to defend the country unless they got paid well. Nobody wanted to give any time to public service unless they could make a career out of it.”

But Denisov sums it up most succinctly, “You lost your country before we even got here.”

The mini-series is all but totally forgotten today, largely because it was an overhyped ratings bust. In the run up to its premiere, it had attracted massive controversy, especially among the left, which presumed it was going to be seven nights of right-wing war-mongering propaganda. (Mother Jones magazine published a six-article attack spread ahead of its airing.) Not only did the Soviet Union complain, but so did the United Nations, which threatened legal action over the use of its name and logo. (In fact, “Amerika” treats the U.N. like an essential institution; Milford laments America “abandon[ed] the principle of a United Nations,” letting Russia, “usurp its name and debase its function.” Denisov further explains that America’s disinterest in the U.N. and international affairs was what turned the world against it.)

Mother Jones’ Todd Gitlin hoped that “CBS and NBC will rise to the occasion with some ingenious counterprogramming.” NBC came through. While “Amerika” won the ratings battle on its opening night, attracting 22 million households, “The Facts Of Life Down Under” was close behind with 19 million. Lacking a gangbusters premiere installment, ratings for “Amerika” steadily declined over the week.

Beyond artistic merits, “Amerika” suffered from poor timing. Production began a few years earlier, when President Ronald Reagan declared the Soviet Union an “evil empire” and joked on a hot mic that he signed legislation to “outlaw Russia” so “we begin bombing in five minutes.” (Many presumed ABC greenlighted “Amerika” to pacify conservatives livid over “The Day After,” its 1983 depiction of nuclear holocaust, though the network denied it.) But by February 1987, Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev had acknowledged the USSR’s economic troubles, begun his glasnost reforms and reached out to Reagan. “’Amerika’ became an anachronism before it ever saw the light of day,” crowed The Nation’s Andrew Kopkind in his critical review.

Watching “Amerika” through the lens of 2016 is a wholly different experience.

It’s still a slog. This is not a pulpy “Red Dawn” or a grippingly tense “Manchurian Candidate.” The pace is slow, the lectures often leaden and the editing nonexistent. Seven hours could have easily been lopped off, if not for the desire to have a momentous, week-long television event. The New York Times TV critic warned, “getting through the enormous glut of stereotypes and preachifying dialogue … will tax even the most willing suspenders of disbelief.” The Washington Post was more charitable, deeming it “worth enduring” because of its “daring grimness.”

And there are plenty of outdated references. The 20th century Cold War with the Russians was an existential battle against communism. The question posed by “Amerika” was whether Americans were capable of giving up on democracy, but also on capitalism. In turn, “Amerika” is at its most incredulous when depicting Americans accepting the thin gruel of communism. An early scene shows Bradford at the local diner, wistfully ordering “Aunt Jemima pancakes, real maple syrup and tiny pork link sausages.” The owner, in no mood for jokes, shoots back, “I’ve got soybean cakes and I’ve got molasses and that’s better for you anyway.” This is nonsense. If there’s one thing Americans would get up off the mat for, it’s pork.

But the New York Times TV critic’s conclusion in 1987, “that the United States would simply crumble from within because of a national moral flabbiness -- is monumentally implausible,” doesn’t seem so implausible today.

With the economic argument over communism resolved, the remaining divide with Russia is political: democracy vs. dictatorship, humanitarian internationalism vs. cold nationalism. Access to sausage is not in danger, giving Russia a fresh opening.

American conservatives with a nationalist, and even authoritarian, bent like Donald Trump are not unnerved by the prospect of Russian influence over the U.S. government. Some see common cause with President Vladimir Putin in the war against Islamic militants, shelving concerns about Russia’s imperial ambitions and comfort with genocidal tactics. Much like how the Russians in “Amerika” want the United States of America to dissolve, both Putin and Trump have rhetorically undermined the European Union, and Trump has questioned America’s commitment to Putin’s bête noire, NATO. Weaker global and regional institutions make it easer for individual nations to act with impunity.

Russia isn’t popular with most Americans, but Trump supporters did not flinch when he deflected allegations that Putin’s government murdered journalists by defending him and smearing America: “at least he’s a leader … I think our country does plenty of killing also.” And those in the “alt-right” movement see Putin as a symbol of white nationalist values. News of how Russia used hacking to manipulate voting behavior has only increased Republican approval of Putin in polls. His net favorable rating among Republicans has jumped from minus-66 to minus-10 in little more than two years, while Barack Obama’s festers at minus-64.

What’s even more disturbing is Trump’s dismissal of the U.S. intelligence community’s conclusion that Russia not only meddled in the election, but actively sought his victory—and then celebrated it. Trump’s reaction has been to mock and misrepresent their findings, while blaming the victims for being hacked. His aides scoff at the implication that he’s too pro-Putin: “He is going to modernize our nuclear capability, he’s going to call for an increase in defense budget, he’s going to have oil and gas exploration—all which goes against Russia’s economic and military interests,” Trump’s senior adviser Kellyanne Conway recently noted. But these moves are not all that provocative if Trump and Putin have overlapping foreign policy goals. Moreover, Trump himself has had every opportunity to clear up any misconceptions, and he hasn’t done it. American presidents have had warm relationships with Russian leaders in the past—Reagan and Gorby, Clinton and Yeltsin—but this feels different.

***

Before America in “Amerika” is fully occupied, we see Milford in 1988 make a final desperate pitch to the country: “No, we’re not all in prison camps. We’re not all beaten down by an occupying army with tanks on every corner. But we don’t need troops to tell us we’ve lost our vision. We don’t need Soviet advisors to prove that we’ve lost our national purpose. Americans have allowed themselves to become immobilized by their own selfish concerns. Immobilized by a lack of understanding of the freedoms secured by our forefathers into which most of us were born, and now have lost.” Today we see immobilization as well, from those plaintively wailing on Facebook that Russia has executed something akin to a coup, but feeling powerless as to what to do about it.

“Amerika” did not foresee that Russia’s entry into America politics would be greased by a bombastic right-wing populist billionaire. The fictional president is a mild-mannered, self-described “figurehead.” But he is not without insight, telling Bradford, “Totalitarianism doesn’t need armies. It only needs to control a couple of things: the media, and the ability to dispense privilege to some, and withhold it from others. And of course, a weak and divided people helps.”

The seeds of that dark future are already in the soil. Russia executed a subtle control of the media—weaponizing mainstream institutions through releases of stolen emails and flooding social media with fake news. Fox News is airing uncritical interviews with Julian Assange of WikiLeaks, an organization U.S. officials have linked to Russian intelligence. And the American people are not only deeply divided along geographic and cultural lines, but new research shows them to be increasingly dubious about the importance of democracy.

“If the dream of democracy cannot survive in America, it cannot survive the 20th century,” Milford declared in his announcement address. Denisov, studying videotape of the speech, notices his normally apolitical American girlfriend transfixed. “He’s touched you,” he purrs to her, his expression both intrigued and disturbed. Part of Putin’s agenda is to convince Americans not to be touched, but instead, to believe that our democratic institutions can no longer be trusted. Our challenge, in the face of Russian interference, is to remind ourselves that despite the deep ideological and cultural differences that are testing American unity, the unifying principle of America remains.

Thirty years ago, a bloated, overwrought TV miniseries tried to make that point and missed the mark. We didn’t need to fear the gulag then, and we don’t now. Hysterical prophesizing of totalitarianism can also be counterproductive, making it easier to shrug off quieter erosions of democracy. But no matter how imperfect, “Amerika” was more prescient than its creators ever could have expected, reminding us that we can only can lose what makes America great if we surrender it ourselves.