#but also I’m so terrible at texting so it’s just a double edge sword

[goodboy4femmes]

I hate texting first for fear of bothering them but I’m SO needy for attention

[obeymeluv]

Signs they Love You (Pt. 2)

This semester is almost over and while the teacher is a bit disorganized, I have a semblance of breathing room. I thought I’d pop this out real quick and maybe something smaller. Baby-related thing still pending. I want to do it, just not quite enough time yet.

Part 2 has Asmo, Beel, and Belphie.

Belphie’s is not long AT ALL because...well, it’s Belphie. And it’s me. I’m so-so with Belphie.

Asmodeus

For once, his charm and sin is a double-edged sword

Yes, he’s very experienced and has had many lovers--many splendid little things over hundreds of years--but how to make it unique? How to tell you?

Asmo is very calculated in how he flirts, from what he wears and what he plans to say. He personally believes every relationship should be special. No repeated dates unless both people have a preference for it

So when he decides he likes you, the first thing he does is pull out this BIG ASS BOOK he’s kept for centuries and leafs through it to see what he’s done before

 No, it doesn’t matter that 99% of these dates were AGES before you were born. He’s checking the list because YOU DESERVE A SPECIAL DATE!

He’s secretly hoping you’ll get some of the many hints he’ll be dropping, but consulting the book is also a good idea for an official first date

After two weeks of shopping with you, taking spa days, trying to weasel his way into more cuddles, Asmo decides it’s time to pull out The Book idea because you’re not getting it

You’re just distracted by his beauty to see the fact that he’s trying to flirt. It’s fine.

This date idea requires the big guns (really only Diavolo, but he needs Lucifer to get to Diavolo). He’s setting his plan into motion, trying to sweet-talk Lucifer into taking him by Diavolo’s castle but Mammon overhears

The second-eldest is very unimpressed, DARES to mock him while sipping noisily on a soda, and just asks him why he doesn’t tell you straight up.

“Because it’s a stupid, tasteless idea.” Asmodeus scoffs and shoos him away like an annoying little thing as he amps up the charm and resumes his conversation with Lucifer.

“Bet it’ll work.” is all he hears Mammon murmur.

“Look,” Mammon shrugs. flicks his eyes to Asmo and then just nods his head towards you as you come around the corner into the dining room. “You just man up and say, ‘Do you--SMFF!”)

Asmo has never strangled anyone to death but today it might happen

Or he’s going to break this new six inch heel off in Mammon’s mouth (or his ass)

With Mammon sufficiently strangled (or choking on his soda, he’s not sure which) Asmo, plays it cool (barely) as you pass through to do something else (thank god!)

Highly amused, Lucifer agrees to help him

By the end of the week Asmodeus has a cute greenhouse picnic planned. Only Satan and Lucifer know

He’s pretty scarce around the House of Lamentation, even turning Solomon down once or twice, but it’s all worth it for the set up. He even bought special flowers

Barbatos escorts you through the winding greenhouse that almost seems lush and trim enough to be part of the Royal Gardens. He stops just before a manicured arch of flowers, the walkway studded with garden lights, stepping stones, and beautiful roses

He goads you forward, sending you on your way. The little roses perk up and explode into gorgeous blooms

And they’re talking?! One of the notecards say they’re a Devildom brand of rose--a mimicrose. The flower acts like a recorded, hiding a secret message, and blooms when it’s delivered to the right person

Your face lights up a gorgeous flattered color as you make your way down the trail compliments popping up every step

Asmo’s waiting at the end of the arches, looking like the cat that ate the canary with his catered spread. Sitting pretty on the classic checkered blanket.  

You only kind of hear the last rose confess--Asmo’s voice going quiet and shy as he swears he really, really loves you

The demon in front of you seems very far from that shy voice but you catch the tinge of pink on his cheeks. He saunters up to you and says something witty about how only he could be perfect for you, and that only perfect him could set all this up!

You two have a cute, quiet date with little cakes and finger foods

Diavolo sends Lucifer a text with a blurry photo saying he ‘photobombed’ you two, but doesn’t realize he has to be in the photo for it to count. Lucifer still thinks it’s a cute picture

Beelzebub:

It takes Beel a while to come around to the fact that he might like you

Not because he doesn’t like you, but because he’s equally comfy being friends. Friends are fine, too.

Even as a friend he still gets that giddy rush when he holds you, that flood of warmth when he impresses you, so for a while he thinks he has the best of both worlds

When that balance starts to feel threatened, the realization creeps in

Then he realizes there’s no going back and if he doesn’t say anything, you get caught up with other people and he’ll miss you. You just won’t be around as much anymore!

 When someone on the Fangol team starts getting a little too curious and close, the red flags go flying in Beel’s mind. He needs to tell you and tell you now!

Probably doesn’t have an extensive dating history and is, in general, the best sweet boi, so he’ll ask around for ideas. The second someone suggests a cupcake message or cake message, he’s done. No more ideas! That’s the best one!

To put his feelings in it, Beel decides to make the cupcakes himself. He buys enough to make 3 or 4 dozen cupcakes because he anticipates stress eating at least two batches

And the ugly ones. Can’t give you ugly ones!

He takes full advantage of Asmo or whoever getting you out of the house, throwing on a little apron and getting to work. Belphie supervises, occasionally scolding him

Beel eats a few cupcakes more than he’s supposed to and decides to draw frosting people so the space doesn’t feel empty

His frosting spelling isn’t that great. One of the words look weird. More than one, actually

Trying to write over it just makes extra frosting, unreadable globs

Beel eats that one, then realizes he messed up some of the topping, so he smooths it out and tries again

Belphie plays wingman, fully aware of his brother panicking over presentation and trying to spell (and not squeeze the life out of the frosting bag), and writes little love messages on the wrappers

It’s stuff he’s heard Beel say in his sleep for at least a week.

Beel resigns himself to a mash of cupcakes that are kind of readable and way less than what he planned to have. He doesn’t know Belphie’s done a gradual bait and switch of the cupcake liners since he’s eaten just as many as he’s made

You see a smiley face and the frosting people and it’s enough to melt your heart

Beel is speckled in flour and frosting (he’s got crumbs on the corner of his mouth), and he looks adorably awkward in the apron. He’s so nervous he’s in his demon form, wings buzzing frantically behind him.

It’s like he wants to take off and make nervous circles around you.

He stutters out an awkward ‘I like you’ and mumbles other things. Belphie, who’s curled up under the prep table, grumbles out ‘READ THE LINERS!’ before snuggling down again

You and Beel go on a cute little hunt to pick and read the wrappers, splitting cupcakes with each other.

At the end of it you’re very full and very happy. And Beel’s extra delighted because you smell (and taste) like cupcakes.

Belphegor

Does he like you like you, or just like the fact that you don’t bother him?

In his book, you’re not terrible. Not annoying. You don’t wake him up on purpose, and you seem to get along with Beel.

Not bad, right?

Maybe this means he just doesn’t have high standards?

He knows he wouldn’t mind napping with you. Maybe that means he likes you?

One night, when he’s hit that ‘slept all day’ high and he’s awake and thinking it over. He asks Beel about it because who else would know him better than his twin?

Then he learns. OH BOY DOES HE LEARN!

Apparently he talks about you in his sleep? And he blushes? CUDDLES THE PILLOW?

Beel is hardly worried about the threats, the finger pointing in his face, and the way he’s bobbing his head like a bull about to charge. It’s just standard little brother things! Very cute!

Belphegor feels bad and a little unworthy to date you. His sin is very taxing and he spends a lot of the time napping. Is it really a good idea?

It’s a heavy issue to think about, and he dreams.

Belphegor has always believed that dreams are a way for you to work out the issues you have when you’re awake, so he’s not surprised to dream about you

The dreams are so vivid, so heart-warming, and he’s so happy. It’s all about you and him--snippets of dates that he can’t completely see. He’s not sure where you’re at or what led up to the moments, but they’re all a happy, quiet cuddle that gives him more energy than he’s felt in a while

He knows, then, that he should at least ask you. When he gets his next burst of rested energy, he’s going to confess

Belphegor’s nearly scared straight out of bed when he sees you tentatively approaching it. He musters up enough concentration to hold a conversation and is VERY embarrassed to find he basically called you here

Almost like a subliminal message, or sharing a dream, you just simply had to come and tell him about the adorably awkward dream. It was very cuddly and kind of put you in a cuddling mood

Belphegor’s got a major case of sleep brain but it sounds like YOU actually just confessed

Plays the big card--go big or go home!--”If you like me, get in the bed.”

Realizes about 3 seconds later how that sounds. Is very embarrassed and wants to hide under his blankets and die. 

He’s already wormed under them and is firmly cocooned (so he doesn’t have to look you in the face or see if you stay) “You know...if you like me. Want to cuddle and stuff...like a couple...”

He feels your weight spread out along his bed and scoops you up like a blanket monster. It’s like being swallowed by a fitted sheet, blanket coming at you from all sides, and you both laugh about it.

Belphegor is a big fan of the private cuddle pile

[lycorogue]

Love Square Fluff Week: Part 4 - Comfort

Yup, I’m late to the party for this, but I was determined to participate in @lovesquarefluffweek so I’m just expanding it to Fluff Month and chugging along. At least I’m past the half-way point now.

You can read the full chapter below, or check it out on AO3, on FFN, or on DA

Playing House

Summary: Adrien finally has a day to spend with his friends, but Marinette can't join in on the fun because she has to babysit Manon. Alya thinks they can do better than that....

Word Count: 5093 Rating: General Audience Spoilers: Major - Miracle Queen/ML Season 3 finale spoiler,  Minor - Sandboy spoiler, Puppeteer 2 spoiler, and Startrain spoiler Love Square Side: Adrienette Romance Level: Sweet Friendship

“What do you mean you can't come?” Alya whined into the phone, she then turned it to show Nino talking to Adrien past her shoulder.

“Sorry, Alya. You know I would love to do nothing more than hang out with you guys – especially Adrien,” Marinette dreamily cooed, “But I'm watching Manon again, and after that whole Puppeteer incident, I should probably make sure she gets my full attention this time.”

“But Adrien is actually out of the house.” Alya dropped her voice so he couldn't overhear her, and practically hissed through the video call.

“I know,” Marinette whined. “Trust me, I want to, but I really can't.”

“You need to learn how to say no, girl, and I don't mean to me.”

Marinette gave a half-smile. “I know, but Mrs. Chamack really needed me. What was I supposed to tell her, that she couldn't go to work?”

“Marinette!” Manon whined off screen behind her. “Play with me!”

“Coming. Sorry, Alya, I have to go.” Marinette waved goodbye before ending the call.

Alya pocketed her phone and walked back to the boys.

“Alya? Something wrong?” Nino walked over, reaching out a hand for hers.

“Nothing. Marinette won't be joining us. She has to babysit again.”

“But-” Nino gestured towards Adrien. Alya simply held up a hand and shook her head.

“That's a shame.” Adrien glanced down at his phone, wondering if he should call Marinette, or maybe text her to let her know she'd be missed. It was a bit of a double-edged sword though, as he knew well. It always made him feel better that his friends missed him when he couldn't hang out, but it also made him realize what he was missing out on. He couldn't rub salt in the wound on her.

Alya elbowed Nino and nodded over towards Adrien. “Yeah,” she said with a hint of mischievousness. “It really is a shame, isn't it?”

“Yeah.” Adrien nodded, and then began retreating from his friends, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, have fun, you two.”

“Wait. 'Have fun'? Where are you going?” Nino asked.

Adrien thumbed behind him. “Without Marinette hanging out with us, I figured maybe you two would want to make this into a date or something. I didn't want to intrude-”

“No way!” Alya hooked an arm around Adrien's and dragged him forward again. “We're friends too, aren't we? What, you can't hang out with me without Marinette around?” She winked at him, making him laugh.

“Sorry. I didn't mean to imply that we aren't friends. I just thought-”

“Dude, you're out of the house! We can't let an opportunity like this to slip.” Nino took Adrien's other arm, and the couple playfully pulled Adrien along with them. “So, what should we do?”

Alya's phone buzzed. She pulled it out and stared bewildered at it. “Another video call from Marinette?” She opened it, and saw Manon's face fill the screen. The Dupain-Cheng's living room was a blur behind her as the girl sprinted around it. Off screen, Marinette yelled for Manon to give the phone back.

“Alya?” Manon chirped when she noticed the video call was answered. “Alya! Come play with us!”

“Manon?” Alya held the phone out for the boys to also see it, shrugging. “Why do you have Marinette's phone?”

“She's no fun. I'd rather play with you- hey!” Manon had slowed down enough for Marinette to catch up and snatch the phone back.

“Sorry, Alya. Ignore us. Have fun, okay?” She gave a sheepish grin before turning to scold Manon as she hung up the video call.

“Wow. That looked rough. I feel bad for Marinette.” Adrien knit his eyebrows, wondering what he could do to help this time.

“Sorry, boys,” Alya pulled away from them and took a few steps backward. “Looks like she really needs my help. I'm gonna have to flake.”

“We could help,” Nino offered.

“Nah, you two have a guy's day or something. Nino, I'll catch ya later?”

Nino nodded, and Alya blew him a kiss goodbye as she started jogging over to Marinette's.

“Is that what having a younger sibling is like?” Adrien cocked his head to the side, sincerely curious.

Nino shrugged. “My little dude can be a handful at times, but Manon is a ball of energy on a whole new level. Frankly, it's like Alya's little sisters were training for her to be able to handle Manon. She's amazing with kids, isn't she?” He looked vaguely in the direction Alya had jogged off.

“I feel bad that there isn't anything we could do to help Marinette. She looked really stressed in that video call.”

Nino smirked, then tried to fix a poker face a second later. “You wanna head over anyway? Manon seemed manageable when all four of us were watching her, and I bet Marinette would love the help.”

Adrien lit up. “Yeah! Let's go. We have to make the most of me getting out of the house, right? So might as well hang out with as many friends as I can.”

Nino gave a nod, and the two of them started jogging after Alya.

 ~o~o~o~o~o~

“Manon! Manon, no! Manon, put that down before you break it!” Marinette raced after the five-year-old, leaping over her family's sectional in order to scoop a box out of the kid's hand just before it was dropped. Sighing out relief for saving the little treasure box her mom kept on the bookshelf, Marinette stood on her tiptoes to place it on the top shelf in order to try to keep it out of Manon's hands.

She then dropped the box herself when a knock on the door startled her. Luckily, she was able to juggle and catch it at the last second. Breathing out another sigh, she walked over to the door, box tucked under her arm.

“Alya?” Marinette blinked a few times, registering who was on the other side. “Nino? A-Adrien? Wh-what are you all doing here?”

“Marinette,” Manon whined, “who is it?”

“It's me, kiddo.” Alya walked in and knelt down with arms open, waiting for the leaping hug Manon inevitably gave her.

“Uni! You came to play!” Manon giggled as Alya lifted her up and spun her around real quick.

“I told you that you didn't need to come here.” Marinette stared wide-eyed as the boys waved and walked in after Alya.

“We know, but we figured we'd help you out with this little demon,” Alya teased in a baby voice, booping Manon on the nose and causing the child to squeal with delight.

“You needed help, and it seemed more fun for us all to hang out and help.” Adrien placed a hand on Marinette's shoulder and gave her the softest smile. She nearly melted.

“Thank thew- Tank you!” Marinette cringed. “Thank you, I mean.”

Adrien laughed. His adorable, eyes closed, shoulders shaking laugh. It took all Marinette had to not swoon. As her body softened she nearly dropped the trinket box again. Startled back alert, she caught it and once more attempted to put it on the top shelf so Manon couldn't reach it. She stretched as tall as she could on her toes, her finger tips balancing the box on the front edge of the shelf. Adrien stepped in, rolled onto his toes, and easily pushed the box onto the shelf, his hand lingering between Marinette's for a moment.

“Like I said,” he teased, “it looked like you needed help.”

Marinette broke eye contact, blushing a little as she thanked him.

“No problem. Just, ya know, don't forget to ask for help sometimes, 'kay?”

Marinette shared a private laugh. “Ya know, you're not the first person to tell me that this past week.”

“Then maybe you should listen.” He gave her a small shoulder bump with his own, then gestured for them to get back to Manon, who was currently trying to fight back against two Tickle Monsters.

Adrien instantly jumped in to tag Alya out as he also began tickling Manon's belly, causing the girl to squeal and giggle.

“What on earth happened here?” Alya pointed to the little kitchenette covered in flour, some dough splatter, smears of frosting, and a small tower of dishes. “You had a battle against the Cupcake Kingdom or something?”

Marinette rubbed the back of her head, sheepishly laughing as she shrugged. “I thought I could keep her occupied by teaching her how to make cookies.”

“So you gave Manon sugar?”

Marinette shrugged.

“Girl, girl, girl.” Alya pinched the bridge of her nose as she shook her head, a small grin stretching across her lips. “How do you keep getting babysitting gigs? I love ya and all, but you're kinda terrible at it.”

“I know.” Marinette folded in half in defeat, causing Alya to chuckle.

“Girl, it's fine. We're here now and-”

“Oh no!” Nino called out in melodramatic terror. “I've been betrayed!”

Adrien and Manon slowly stalked after Nino before chasing him down and trying to tickle him instead. The way Adrien crept up on Nino reminded Marinette of the nightmare version Sandboy had created, and she shuddered slightly.

“Come on!” Alya didn't seem to notice Marinette's temporary unease as she grabbed her best friend's hand and dragged her to the group. The five of them had a massive tickle fight for the next ten minutes, the players each switching between Manon's and Nino's sides, depending on who tickled them last.

Eventually tickled out, and a bit exhausted from all the squealing and laughter, they all collapsed on the sectional. All of them but Manon, that is, who recovered after a few deep breaths.

“That was fun! What's next?” She bounced over to Marinette, grabbing her hands and tugging.

“Next?” Marinette whimpered, and scanned the room for the living room clock, checking to see when Mrs. Chamack should be back. “Two more hours,” she muttered under her breath, but unknowingly loud enough for Alya to pickup.

“What do you want to do next, you little terror?” Alya knelt beside Manon, tapping her lap to catch the girl's attention.

Manon rambled off a long list of crazy activities, from watching a PG-13 movie to riding a pony to meeting the real Jagged Stone to defeating a villain with Ladybug and Chat Noir to swimming in a pool of chocolate pudding.

As Manon rattled off her To Do list to Alya, Adrien glanced over at Marinette. Her eyes were closed, and her head rested against the back of the sectional. Her chest slowly rose and fell, as if she were meditating. The poor girl looked exhausted.

Nino caught Adrien watching Marinette, and glanced over himself. Almost instantly, he tapped Alya's shoulder and nodded over at Marinette as well. Alya kept chatting with Manon, keeping the girl's attention on her as Alya quickly stole a look over at Marinette.

“That all sounds amazing! What a day!” Alya indulged Manon as she stood up. “You think we can fit it all in before your mom gets back?”

As Manon was distracted by the mental calculations on how much time they had for everything, and potentially narrowing her list a touch, Alya mouthed over to the boys 'did she fall asleep?'

Discreetly, Nino leapt over the back of the sectional, and walked around to Marinette. He leaned in close, whispering her name. She simply gave a soft moan back. He nodded at Alya, who silently chuckled.

“Hey, Manon. It's super nice outside. Wanna go play in the park for a little bit?”

“Yay! Park!” Manon bounced up and down before turning to Marinette. Then she abruptly stopped. “Marinette?”

“Looks like Marinette needs a couple of minutes, but you and I can still play in the park right? Maybe with Nino too?” Alya again knelt so she could talk softly in the girl's ear.

“But Marinette's supposed to be watching me.” Manon scooped up Marinette's hand and gripped it tight, causing the three teens to hold their breath; waiting for Marinette to bolt awake. Instead, she gave a little snore and sleepily squeezed Manon's hand back.

“Come on, Manon,” Alya coaxed. “Marinette's tired. Your mom won't mind, and wouldn't you rather be in the park? Marinette can join us once she wakes up.”

“Um.” Manon looked up at Marinette, then over at Nino and Adrien. Both boys smiled and gave reassuring nods. “Nino is coming too?”

“Yeah, little dudette.” He held out his hand for Manon to fist bump, which she gladly did.

“And Adrien?” Manon looked up at him with doe eyes.

“Sure.” Adrien smiled.

“Actually,” Alya rebutted, “Someone should stay here and start cleaning up. Adrien, do you mind doing that?”

“Oh. Yeah. Sure.” Adrien's smile stayed, but he felt like he was getting ditched.

“Great. Manon, why don't you pack up your backpack so we have all of your toys, okay?” Alya gave the girl a gentle push on her back, and the five-year-old skipped away to gather her things. Alya then turned back to Adrien. “Thanks. You're a lifesaver. We really need someone to stay here with Marinette. That way you can let her know where Manon is – and that she's safe – when she wakes up. Also, that way someone can text us if Manon's mom gets back before we do.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

“And don't worry about the kitchen if you don't want to clean. We just need someone with Marinette is all.”

Adrien's smile turned sincere. “Nah, it's okay. It really does look like Marinette needs help, and I'm happy to.”

“I knew you would be.” Alya gave Adrien a quick air-kiss by each of his cheeks. “You're a prince.”

“Alya!” Manon pulled on her hand.

“Okay, munchkin.” Alya scooped the girl up in her arms and headed for the door. Nino held it open for the girls, and rested a hand on the small of Alya's back as she passed. “Thanks again, Adrien,” Alya called past her shoulder, and Adrien couldn't help but feel like those two were playing house with Manon, and he was playing babysitter with a passed out Marinette. The thought made him laugh as he waved the couple off.

Behind him, Marinette gave a soft, satisfied moan, and slumped further into her seat. Adrien blushed a little at how adorable she looked. As careful as he could, he cradled her head and gently lowered her so she was laying across the cushions. Looking around, he found a throw blanket and draped it over her. She gave another satisfied moan and curled tighter under the blanket.

She truly looked exhausted. Adrien wondered what else she had overburdened herself with, and why she didn't seem to have learned anything from when he helped her make flowers. It made him think of Ladybug and her new responsibilities as Guardian. He wondered how exhausted she must look without her mask.

“You two are two of a kind,” Adrien joked as he brushed some stray hair out of Marinette's eyes. Sleepily, she rolled her head to follow his fingers, nuzzling his hand. It instantly stilled him. He watched her sleep for a few seconds, musing about how relaxed she looked right then. It was like when they were traveling to London together; one of the few times she didn't seem stressed out around him. Before he realized what he was doing, his hand was on her back, rubbing small circles through the blanket, trying to soothe her further. He didn't even know he was wishing for another soft, happy moan until one escaped her lips.

He stayed kneeling beside Marinette, softly rubbing her back, for a little while, hoping the comforting touch would keep her lulled in her sleep. She looked like she needed as much as she could steal. As Chat Noir, he understood how precious sleep could be.

Roughly twenty minutes after Alya and Nino left with Manon, Adrien's feet finally started to lose feeling, and his shoulder softly ached from the angle he was holding it to rub Marinette's back. Giving up on his impromptu task, he instead rocked back into a seated position, his back against the sectional, and his head nestled by Marinette's abdomen. He simply glanced out the window, enjoying the clouds drifting by, and the sound of Marinette's slow, heavy breathing behind him.

It wasn't what he was picturing when he found out he had an afternoon to spend with his friends, but he was happy all the same. There was something about being near Marinette; being able to help her, being in the same room as her, having someone besides Plagg nearby – nothing against the kwami or anything.

As if the magical being could read Adrien's head, Plagg poked out of the teen's shirt. “Psst. Adrien. Are we gonna do anything? I'm bored and hungry.”

“Plagg! Stay hidden! What if Marinette wakes up?” Adrien hissed back.

“At least start up the TV or a game or something? Even I can only catnap for so long. It's so boring.”

“It's not boring. It's nice. I feel relaxed here.”

“Can you at least get me some food?”

Adrien looked over at the kitchenette. He probably should help clean it up the best he could while he was waiting; help Marinette further. Maybe he could also find something little that Plagg could swipe without anyone noticing, that way he could save the camembert slice for if they had to battle an akuma.

He walked over to the sink, looked around for a minute, found a washcloth, wet it, and started wiping down the peninsula counter top. While Plagg complained about it being too sweet for his tastes, he still licked up the blobs of frosting and raw dough, just so he had something in his belly.

The counter was nearly clean when Marinette again moaned from the sectional, this time a deep and long one as she woke up.

“Manon?” she called out in a daze.

“She's at the park with Alya and Nino,” Adrien informed her as he continued his wipe down of the kitchen.

“Okay,” Marinette yawned and curled back under the blanket for a second. Then everything registered, and she leapt up, flinging the blanket off her. “Wait, she's where?” She whipped around, and saw only Adrien still in her apartment with her. She was alone with Adrien. Adrien had seen her passed out again. Adrien was washing down her mess in her kitchen.

“It's cool.” Adrien hadn't seen her freak out, too busy focusing on a particularly caked on portion of the counter. “You looked like you really needed a rest, and Alya and Nino are great with kids. Alya said you and Mrs. Chamack would be cool with them taking Manon for a little bit.”

“Wh-what are you doing?” Marinette stiffly marched to the counter, dumbly watching Adrien as he rinsed off the washcloth and attacked the splashes of dough that managed to spray across the front of the refrigerator door. As he walked over from the sink, he plucked one of the remaining cookies off a plate.

He held it up and glanced past his shoulder at Marinette. “Is it alright to have one?” She numbly nodded, so he popped it in his mouth. “Mmm. I don't think I'll ever get over how good your baking is.”

“A-Adrien.” Marinette held herself up against the counter as she rounded it. “Why are you cleaning?”

“Hmm?” He paused to steal a glance over at her before shrugging and getting back to scrubbing down the refrigerator door. “Oh. Alya wanted someone to stay here to make sure you and Mrs. Chamack knew where Manon was. Going to the park was her idea, so clearly Alya couldn't stay, and it made sense for Nino to go with.”

“Yeah, but-” Marinette gestured towards the refrigerator.

“It needed to be cleaned, right?”

“Right.” Marinette drew out the word. “But why are you cleaning it? It wasn't your mess.”

“I don't mind.” Finished with the door, Adrien again went to the sink to refresh the cloth. Marinette jogged up behind him, her arms out to the side to block him when he turned around. “It's okay, Marinette. You looked overwhelmed, and I had nothing better to do. It's not that big of a deal. Friends help each other, don't they?”

“You're too kind, Adrien.”

“It's not that big of a deal, seriously. You'd do the same.”

“Yeah, well, I'm awake now. I can finish this.” She held her hand out for the washcloth.

Adrien rebutted by opening the cabinet he got the cloth from, and gestured to a few others stacked inside. “Or, we can clean it together and get done faster?”

“Adrien, no. You're a guest. This is too much. I can't ask you to do this.”

“You didn't ask. It's not too much. And I want to spend time with you anyway, so we might as well spend time doing this.”

“You- you want to- with- with me?”

Adrien cocked his head to the side. “Is that so surprising? We're friends, aren't we?”

“Yeah.” Marinette moved past him, a bit defeated, and picked up a washcloth. “Friends.”

They were silent for a little while, each picking a different corner of the kitchenette to clean. Adrien wondered what he said wrong. Marinette focused too hard on the word 'friend' and all its implied meaning.

“Okay, well, thanks for helping with the kitchen.” Once the surface areas were cleaned, Marinette collected Adrien's washcloth from him, and rinsed them both off in the sink before putting them to the side to be washed. “You can go ahead and find Alya and Nino. I'm sure you'll have more fun with them.”

“I'm having a good enough time here.” Adrien sidled beside her and picked up the dish soap. “Besides, we still have these to clean, right?” He began filling the sink, and squirted far too much soap into it, the bubbles already starting to froth up the sides of the basin.

“Adrien!” Marinette giggled as she snatched the soap from his hands. “What are you doing? That was way too much!”

“Oh.” Adrien looked at the sink nearly filled with suds within those few short seconds. “Sorry. I never actually did dishes before.”

“So you thought you'd start with mine?” Marinette was too focused on the task of decreasing the bubble surplus to remember who she was talking to. There was a playfulness in her voice that Adrien rarely was on the receiving end of, and it skipped his heart for a second.

“Here. Let me help.” With a mischievousness twinkle, Adrien scooped up a handful of suds, and smacked them in Marinette's face.

She gasped at the attack, giggled, and scooped up her own handful to throw at Adrien. He ducked, swooped around her, scooped up more suds, and went for her face again. She squealed like when they were in their massive tickle war, and ducked below his arm, throwing her hands up to stop him. The suds ended up plopping on her head, and she again gasped.

Her eyes narrowing, she dove for the sink, dodging Adrien's attempt to block her. She threw soap at him, but he shielded himself with his hands. It was now Adrien's turn to go on the offensive, but the sink water had risen higher than he realized. When he scooped up the handful of soap he ended up splashing Marinette instead. She retaliated, grabbing the sink hose and spraying him with a few squirts.

The two teens laughed as their battle continued, only stopping when Marinette noticed that the sink was about to overflow.

“So much for helping you clean up the kitchen.” Adrien wiped his face dry as he looked around at the water and soap bubbles pooled on the floor.

“Yeah, I think we got a little carried away.” Marinette turned off the water, then pulled out a towel and dropped it to the floor to sop up the puddles.

“It was fun, though.” Adrien knelt down to take the towel from under Marinette's foot, and began to run it across the tiled floor to help clean again.

“Yeah. It was. Thank you, Adrien.” Her cheeks flushed, and she whipped around towards the sink to hide her blush. Humming to herself, she began washing the dishes.

Adrien sweetly looked up at her as he finished his chore. There were only a choice-few times that Marinette seemed so relaxed around him. Well, around him him, she was fairly chill around Chat Noir him. It was always amazing when Marinette let her wall down; when she allowed herself to just be comfortable around him. He always had the best time with her when she was like that.

Nino would always be his best friend, but even around him, Adrien felt a sort of obligation to act a certain way. He had to focus on what it was like to be a “true teen” and follow Nino's lead whenever he pointed out how sheltered Adrien was. It was hard to tell Nino that there were parts of his life he was actually fine with. His BFF would just argue back that it was because Adrien didn't know any better.

Alya was also cool, but she was so high energy. It was actually a little exhausting trying to keep up with her sometimes. Plus, she always seemed to have a hidden agenda whenever they hung out. Adrien didn't hold it against her, and in fact found it part of her that he loved, but it could be a bit much. He had to have his guard up at all times around her, for fear that she'd catch a whiff of him being Chat Noir.

Kagami was also an amazing friend, but she was just as sheltered as he was. Whenever he was with her, he felt like he had to be purposefully rebellious to help show her how to have a good time. A way for them to break away from their overbearing parents. She also was too focused on what was considered 'noble' or 'proper' and seemed a bit judgmental when he wanted to just play video games or talk about comic books. Kagami certainly was not the friend to talk pop-culture with.

Marinette, though? Adrien could truly be himself around her. She didn't seem to ever really judge him, or see him as a rich shut-in, or try to pry into his life. She just let him be whomever he was. He could be serious, or goofy, or straight-laced, or a little rebellious, and she ran with it. It was almost like being Chat Noir, even out of the mask.

Better, actually. Even when he was Chat Noir, he had to be a certain way. Marinette proved that when she laughed at him crafting beside her. He had to be in superhero mode most of the time. The only exception seemed to be when his heart was broken and Marinette let him just be sad with her.

There were no such restrictions for Adrien when he was out of costume and just with Marinette.

“Here.” He pulled out another towel from where Marinette grabbed the first one. “Let me dry them.” He held out the towel for Marinette to place the mixing bowl in.

She studied him a moment, her lips lightly puckered and her eyes soft. Dark circles still hid under the now smudged cover-up, but she looked a bit more refreshed than she was before. Accepting the offer, Marinette placed the bowl in the towel cradle, then picked up the next dish to clean.

As Adrien dried the bowl and placed it on the counter for Marinette to put away, he watched her work. There was certainly something almost serene to her quietly splashing in over-soaped dish water, the warm glow of the setting sun casting orange rays through the window in front of them. She handed one of the mixer beaters to him, then got started on another one.

“Adrien?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. It means a lot that you spent your day away from home helping me babysit and clean up. You could have done virtually anything, but you chose this.”

“No problem, Marinette. I'm always happy to help you. Honestly, sometimes I think you take on too much.”

She snorted a little laugh. “You're one to talk.” She gave him a playful side-eye before refocusing on rinsing off the other beater and handing it to him.

“True, but it's different with you, I think. People depend on you so much. I just worry that you put too much on your shoulders. You can tell people no, you know, if you're overwhelmed. You can also ask for help.”

Marinette froze, her hands hovered above the soapy sink basin, watching Adrien carefully as he finished his drying and placing the second beater beside the first in the mixing bowl. When he turned back to her, she jumped and got back to washing out the measuring cups.

“Something wrong?”

“Huh?” Marinette didn't look at him. She kept her eyes on the dishes as she rinsed, blindly handed off to Adrien, and started up the next measuring cup. “No. Nothing. Just- I've been told that before too.”

“By someone smart, I'd wager,” Adrien fought to hide his smirk. Didn't matter. Marinette still wasn't looking at him.

“Yeah. Yeah, perhaps he is.” She didn't want to chance adding in 'and possibly very dumb too' despite feeling it strongly. Instead, she reveled in the fact that she was helped twice that week by super sweet guys, and that one of them was the boy of her dreams, helping her clean dishes. Maybe life wasn't as out of control as she once feared when she got the Miracle Box transferred to her possession.

If life consisted of quiet evenings alone with Adrien, doing stupid little chores, Marinette would be more than happy. Adrien would be too.

@discoveringmiraculouswriters

[angeme8een-blog]

Casualties and Survivors

CHAPTER 1: AIRPORT LOUNGES AND FIDGETING LEGS

The romanticisation of airports has made life more difficult for travellers. It has permitted such overwhelming, not to mention unnecessary, public display of affection that inconveniences those who just want to methodically get from one country to another. Case in point are the hipster lovers who refused to detach their lips from each other, causing quite a ruckus at the drop-off lane. The already noise-polluted terminal air got more chaotic as several cab drivers started honking and yelling expletives at the tanned brunette and her blond lover.

“These young people know no manners anymore, aist!” Mr. Yang expressed his irritation as he scratched the side of his head. Brett wanted to give a cheeky response but he caught himself in fear of being given a proper lecture. Showing your dad how sassy your mouth is on a terribly hot day is a formula for disaster, and Brett knew well enough not to further rile-up his dad when his Chinese accent has already come through. Besides, he was just 30 seconds away from getting out of his dad’s 1997 Toyota Corolla. Might as well keep his thoughts to himself.

“Bretty boy, where is Eddy, huh?” his dad asked as he parked the car on an open drop-off spot and turned on the hazard light. Brett unlocked the passenger’s seat and began collecting his things while responding “he’s probably near. He told me his mom wanted to personally see him leave, unlike the last time we went on tour.” Mr. Yang helped Brett carry his luggage to the curb and onto a trolley before giving his son a hug.

“Now you go with my blessing. Be very good and kind, especially to Eddy. Call your mom from time to time, okay?”

“I will, dad. Thanks again for dropping me off. You should go back to the car before security decides to clamp your tire”

“Aist! I’m an old man, they should show respect!” Mr. Yang scratched the side of his head once more before going back to his car. Brett waved a final goodbye before he pushed his trolley towards the entrance. Once inside, Brett brought out his phone to check-up on Eddy.

“Bro, where you at? I’m already in line for security”

“Bro, please don’t kill me but I’m going to have to take the next flight out tomorrow morning. My sister went into labor five minutes after I left my house. We had to go back home to fetch her because no one else could drive her to the hospital. So now I’m here with Ma and we’re rushing to Queen Elizabeth’s” Eddy explained.

“It’s been 9 months already!? Damn, I totally forgot that Belle was pregnant” Brett slapped himself in the forehead.

“Dude…how could you have forgotten? Have you seen her tummy? It’s like she swallowed Pluto just after NASA announced it’s no longer a planet”

“I fucking heard that Eddy Chen!” Belle’s voice erupted in the background, prompting Brett to move his phone away from his ear.

“I’m sorry” Brett heard Eddy whisper to his sister. “Just hang in there, we’re about 10 minutes away from the ER. Now shush”

“Anyway, bro, so yeah. I’m really sorry about this” Eddy said.

“No worries! Just be there for your sister. Also, tell Belle I said goodluck! Wait, is that the appropriate thing to say to someone who’s about to give birth?”

“I’m not really sure but I think that kinda works. Update me when you’ve landed, alright? Don’t have too much fun without me. Also, practice!” Eddy said before hanging up.

Brett gave a small chuckle as he pocketed his phone. Leave it to Eddy to still be roasting his sister while she’s already in labor. The man’s sense of humour and quick wit are truly remarkable, not to mention unparalleled. Even Brett recognises the indispensable role of Eddy’s creativity in the growth of their channel. He concedes that most of the comedic content in their videos are products of Eddy’s ingenuity. There’s never a dull moment when Eddy’s around, and that’s why Brett is slightly disappointed that he would have to fly solo in his trip to the States. Just thinking about the long hours of sitting down and getting arse cramps every hour or so is already enough to bring Brett to a state of despair. Country hopping is fun, going from one city to another is too, but the actual travel is what really takes a toll on Brett’s energy and mood. He hates every single minute of it, especially the long wait in the airport. There are always way too many people, way too much noise, and way too much walking to do. He’s a musician, for Pete’s sake. His physical activities are limited to five minute walks (usually less since he spends most of his time indoors anyway) and the occasional Lingling workouts that push him over the edge. Just getting through security was enough for him to break a sweat.

After passing through the first round of metal detectors and the x-ray machines, Brett proceeded to the check-in counter of Qantas. It was a long wait before his turn so he decided to check on the ticket sales of their tour. Only two performances in the last city in their itinerary have not sold out yet, but he’s positive that it will eventually. TwoSet’s popularity suddenly grew during the first two weeks of January which the pair did not really expect. The abrupt spike in the number of views per video, not to mention reaching 2 million subscribers much earlier than expected, made the duo ecstatic and grateful beyond words. But their growing fame was a double-edged sword for it meant more work for both of them. It didn’t help that Eddy made a promise to their fans that once the channel reached 2 million subs, Brett would drop his Tchaikovsky recording. And so he had less than a month to perfect the popular piece before he finally performed it during the livestream they did last February. More than a million of the Lingling wannabes from all over the world watched him play the same piece he performed during his debut in 2012. It was nerve wracking, but it was pretty exciting too. Performing for his fans have always brought Brett so much joy, and he will gladly do it until the time when he physically can’t anymore.

“Sir? Please” the voice of the ground stewardess urging Brett to come forward to the counter broke his stupor.

“Sorry” Brett apologised as he handed his ticket. He was loading his luggage on the counter when he heard a pleading voice at the counter next to his. He decided to get a glimpse at the commotion, noting how disheveled and desperate the woman looked and how equally impatient the ground stewardess was becoming. Brett then abruptly withdrew his stare when he and the woman accidentally caught each other’s eyes. Brett continued to load his luggage so it won’t seem too obvious that he was eavesdropping.

“I’ll take any open seat. Please” the woman begged. The fatigue in the woman’s voice was evident, and Brett could not  help wondering if she was hungover or she just came from baby-sitting seven toddlers all at once.

“I’m sorry, madame. But so far the flight is fully booked. If you want, there’s another plane coming in at noon. I can book that for you” the passenger service crew explained.

“No, no. That would be too late. But please, if ever an opening comes up, please do notify me. I’ll give you my number” the woman said as she started scribbling on the piece of paper that the lady behind the counter gave.

“Mr. Yang, here are your boarding pass and your luggage tag. By the way, you received an upgrade courtesy of the airlines. You can use the Business Class lounge while waiting for your flight” the lady smiled at him as she handed Brett everything he needed. Upgrade? Brett thought to himself. That’s weird, specially since the other lady just said the flight’s fully booked.

“That’s generous, thank you” Brett said gratefully. “Oh, by the way, my friend Eddy Chen was supposed to fly with me but he won’t be able to make it because of a family emergency” he added before leaving the counter. Brett internally cringed at what he just did. He knew for a fact that the airline could not possibly use that information. They had protocols to follow when it came to cancellations. Aside from that, it was a really random thing to do.

Well, not random. Brett thought. You just wanted to help the panda-eyed woman without being to obvious. Damn she was tired. And damn, was I really obvious though.

Brett decided to shrug off that awkward incident by texting Eddy while he walked towards the lounge. He did not get any reply right away so he figured that his best friend was probably still attending to his sister. Upon arriving at the lounge and finding a spot to sit in, Brett decided to do some work. After he finished, he went to the bar to get something to drink and eat. He was munching on his crisps when he got a text from Eddy.

Bro, update our fans. Was supposed to do it but I totally forgot. And I reckon they’re not really interested in seeing a bloody head emerge between my sister’s legs yeah?

Jfc Eddy, you could’ve spared me the mental image. But yeah, yeah. I’ll do it.

Brett opened their instagram account and started going live. He once again thanked their fans for all the support they have shown, and then proceeded to update them about why Eddy was not with him at the moment. He was doing a mini Q&A when it was announced on the PA system that his flight is going to start boarding passengers in 15 minutes. Brett bid their fans goodbye, pocketed his phone, and left the bar to go back to where he sat before. He was ten steps away from his seat when he noticed that someone else was occupying the chair near the window. It was the same woman from the other counter, the one who was desperately pleading for a ticket.

Lucky her. I guess she did get what she needed after all. Brett muttered to himself as he sat himself in the sofa facing the woman. He placed his violin on his left and his carry-on luggage on the floor before bringing his eyes back to the girl near the window. She was holding a book open in front of her, though it appeared that she wasn’t really reading it. Her hazel eyes stared blankly at the pages of Sara Borjas’ Heart Like A Window, Mouth Like A Cliff as she bit on her left thumb.

Is she nervous? Brett wondered as he continued observing her.

He brought his eyes to her hair and noticed how it was haphazardly wrapped around a bun on top of her head, and it seemed like it would unravel itself at any moment. She was pale for a person who lived in Australia (summer is just about to end after all), but her cheeks had a little bit of red in them.

Is she ill? Has she just cried? Brett pondered. He continued staring at her as if she was a specimen in a laboratory.

Brett noticed that her right leg, which was crossed over her left, would not stop fidgeting. It would slow down from time to time but the shaking did not cease. Sometimes her free hand would slide down to her lap and she would start tapping it in sync with her fidgeting leg. There were instances when she’d bring her head up from her book and her eyes would almost lock with Brett’s, but he was quick enough to avert his stare whenever she was on the verge of moving her head. It was as if they were playing a game of hide and seek, except that no one was really seeking because only one was playing and he wasn’t even playing it well. He was just there, in plain sight, in open space, staring and ogling with no particular purpose. Just staring. And wondering.

Like a creep. Aist. Brett huffed as he realised how wrong it was to be people watching. Well, not people watching in general. Just the one. More aptly put, person watching. Or stalking he thought if I’m going to be honest with myself.

Brett’s slow descent into his own thoughts was interrupted once again by the PA system. His flight number was called, and its passengers were informed that they were to board in Gate C7. Since Brett got an upgrade into business class, he had the privilege of being accommodated first. Not to mention not having to walk all the way to Gate C7 because the airline lounge had a direct jet bridge that connected to the Boeing 787-9 which would carry hundreds of passengers from Brisbane straight to New York. Brett collected his things and walked towards the airline staff who collected his boarding pass and assisted him to the plane. He was greeted by the plane crew once he entered, and was directed to his seat.

“Would you like me to put that away for you?” The stunning flight attendant gestured to his violin.

“Would it be possible for me to keep it on my side?” He asked.

“Of course, Sir. I’ll just fetch some straps to keep it in place. I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable” she smiled before leaving for the cabin.

Brett immediately took a selfie and posted it on instagram. He messaged Eddy about the upgrade and teased the latter of leaving the duo to become a soloist. Eddy immediately replied with a picture of him with tears in his eyes. This made Brett laugh but also feel a twinge of melancholy at the same time because bantering with his best mate was way better in person than doing it digitally. Moreover, Brett started engaging in creepy recreational activities because of Eddy’s absence, and it was so out of character for him that he gave an internal scream.

Thank god that’s over Brett told himself as he inhaled deeply and settled himself in the plush window seat. He sent last minute text messages to his friends and family before he turned off his phone.

“Excuse me sir, here are the straps for your violin” the flight attendant from earlier returned with a pair of 13 inch black straps which she handed to Brett. He gave a slight nod and mouthed a thank you while receiving the straps. He then  proceeded to secure his violin to the side. Brett was about to close his eyes when the woman from the lounge entered and stopped at the chair beside him. She whispered something to the flight attendant who was assisting her before she took her seat.

Not again. Brett muttered to himself as he once again stared intently at the woman. He couldn’t take his eyes off her and he did not know why. She wasn’t exactly a head turner, but she had this aura about her that piqued Brett’s curiosity.

Curiosity. That’s it, I’m curious. That’s exactly the reason why I can’t look away. Brett thought.

There’s a story, surely there’s a story behind those tired hazel eyes. There must be because no one looked like that, like she carried the weight of the entire world on her shoulders, but at the same time radiate (but only minutely) a different, more positive energy.

Independence?

Brett guessed.

Gratitude?

Fulfilment?

Success?

It’s like he was playing charades with Eddy again, only this time the other person was a complete stranger and he can’t communicate, much more confirm, his guesses. He looked at her more intensely as he searched for more clues about the type of person that she was. First, he looked at her hands to check if she might have callouses similar to his. She had some, but it was on the wrong places. She was not a musician. Maybe she was a writer, or an architect. Brett was not able to come up with a proper conclusion as to her profession, but he decided that whatever she did had something to do with using her hands.

Second, he considered what she was wearing. She was just wearing tight jeans, black boots, and a plain knitted white sweater. She had no accessories nor any other apparel that would help her battle the weather once they land in New York.

Unless she has one in her carry-on. But I highly doubt that. Brett thought. He did not see her with any luggage at the check-in counter, nor in the lounge. She only had a big tote bag with her which she also declined to be placed in the overhead compartment. Brett inferred that this trip was a product of spontaneity, or panic. It really could go either way. But what was obvious was she did not plan this through.

Brett slowly lifted his sights up to study her face once more. But what happened next caused him to feel a rush of blood to his cheeks. She was staring at him. She saw him staring at him. And now their eyes were locked at each other and Brett did not know what to do.

Fuck.

[whyamistillwatchingtheseshows]

TayNew, Someone You Loved! MAKE ME SUFFER!!!

Tay understood growing apart. As an adult, that’s the shit you have to learn. It’s the mind-numbing pain that no one warned him about. That ache when someone who had always been there is gone, no not just that. They’ve disappeared. Tay had once said, “Time will tell.” Here’s time and what it did: That closeness changed, it became awkward. Tay didn’t like to use the fans as his source, but hell, they were an observant bunch. He and Newwie used to FaceTime for hours before. Now, it’s a text that says hey. It’s stupid small talk. Six years and a friendship could be barely salvaged. They’ve been through that dance. The will they, won’t they? Tay looked at his phone. No messages. Tay was busy doing promotion shoots for his show 3 Will Be Free, but usually, Newwie was blowing up his phone. Nothing. 

His co-star Joss appeared beside him. “What’s up?” He noticed anguish on his friend’s face.

“Nothing,” Tay took a deep breath. “Want to practice?” 

“Practice what? I’m sure we all have modeling in the bag,” Joss laughed. Tay had completely forgotten what he was doing and where he was. That’s how far his mind drifts, back to the what ifs, to a time where nothing had to be defined and they just were. Joss noticed Tay clenching his fists. “Whoa,” he placed a hand to a shoulder. “You calm buddy?” 

Tay gave him a death glare and Joss held up his hands in defense. “Okay, okay. I’ll back off.” Joss left him there. Tay felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He excitedly looked at it. Why had he expected it to be Newwie? That guy was probably with this supposed girlfriend, with someone other than him. What’s that drowning feeling? It’s as if you’re breathing but drowning at the same time. His phone vibrated again and this time it was Newwie. 

He opened the text: Are you busy? 

Doing a photo shoot. What’s up? Keep it simple. It’s not a declaration of love. It’s not, hey, I love you. Come back to me. Tay Tawan you’re fucking 28, why are you acting like a 16-year-old? 

I was wondering if you could help me. Shit. With what? 

Sure, what is it? 

Can you come shopping me with? Oh, this is good. This is closer to the way before. 

Yeah, when? 

Sunday. I need to buy a gift for my girlfriend.

Tay almost threw his phone across the room. He hit himself on the head with it instead. 

Um, Sunday? Sorry, I’m busy that day. We’re lying. Okay, but it hurts to be near him. It hurts to be away from him, what a fucking double-edged sword. 

__

Tay appeared before New. He was surprised since he was told by his friend that he’d be busy. 

“You came anyway? Change your plans?” New asked him. 

“Yeah, I figured you either really couldn’t choose or you needed my money. Hmm,” Tay managed to joke with him. 

“I thought I was the bank to you,” New raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Eh, uh, yeah, whatever. What are you getting?” 

“Oh, she likes knick knacks. Something to put on a shelf and display. Since she likes dolphins I was thinking of something with that.”

Tay suddenly realized this was a bad idea. It was going to be endless drivel about her. It’s not that he was jealous. No, okay, maybe it’s a part of it, but Tay felt like he’d been tricked. The wool over his eyes. That’s what he gets for letting his guard down. Sure, it was unintentional and New has no clue how he truly feels...yeah, this was a bad idea. 

“Where shall we start?” Tay’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest when Newwie hooked his arm. 

“I have to go.”

“Why?” Newwie whined. “We don't hang out like this anymore. Come on,” he shook against Tay’s side. “Aren’t I still your P?” 

“You’re someone I love and I can’t help you buy gifts for someone else.” The confession spilled out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“In a mall?” New shook his head. “All right, we’ll have this talk.” 

“I want us back to the way before. Even if it was fan service, I liked how we were during the filming of our food show.”

“Not all of it was fan service.” The confession was out of New’s mouth before he could stop it.

“Don't give me hope, if there is none, New.” Tay was using his serious voice now. New chuckled. “I’m leaving,” Tay suddenly said. New didn’t know how to stop him.

__

New’s girlfriend laid against his shoulder. That made it difficult to stalk Tay on Instagram. He scoffed to himself. Wow, what a terrible boyfriend. Thinking about someone else while the other is right there. Great, good on you, New. His phone buzzed. A text from Tay. 

Can we talk? 

I’ll come over. 

New ran out of the building and to his car before his girlfriend made any objections. You really are a terrible boyfriend to her anyway.

__

“Tell me you remember Valentine’s Day?” New wasn’t expecting to be prodded with such a loaded question right from the beginning. 

“How could I forget?”

“So none of those feelings are there any more? Because this someone else crap came out of nowhere. I was getting used to us. I was getting used to the way we argued but loved each other. I was getting used to the way you got frustrated when I didn’t clean up my mess. By the way, it’s an organized mess. It just gets that way and then I-”

“Then you get pissed off and clean it up. I know,” New smiled. “You are the King of Procrastination.”

“Am I? I feel like a hardworker.”

“Who will do a lot of things last minute. Generally, everything still turns out all right.”

“Let’s go back to before. To the days where I don't feel helpless, lost and aching. Come back to me, Newwie.” 

This would be the hardest thing that New has ever done. He couldn’t believe he was doing it when it happened, but he just left. Tay stood there staring at the door. Then he banged his fists against it, choking back tears. He slumped to the floor, his head hitting the door a little too hard. He grimaced, but that pain was nothing. That was minimal compared to that feeling of going under, the numbness. The ache. Tay didn’t know, but in the hallway New had slumped to the floor against the door as well. He couldn’t face that conversation while also being with someone else. If Tay went any further, New would make a mistake. A mistake, a tempting mistake... New’s mind drifted to Valentine’s Day. Tay’s lips against his, and it was only the two of them in the world. Nothing else mattered. Where’d that go? When did he want someone else? Why did he want someone else? When did he become so afraid of his feelings for Tay? 

Tay also now understood that ache. It was the ache of wanting someone to save you. Wanting someone to hold. Wanting someone to be the cure for the pain. Tay never thought it wise to rely on someone that much, but he gave his all to Newwie. There was a time when Tay was never that outspoken or that animated. He learned to open up because of Newwie, even though, it didn’t seem as if they learned anything from each other. They’d earned the reputation of being the “Queens of Banter.” They didn’t care about the title. They owned up to it because if anyone knows Chess, the Queen is the most powerful player. Tay chuckled at his own thought. Then he heard scuffling outside the door. He jumped up and opened it. 

New fell back onto the floor. He looked up at Tay. A hand was offered to help him. New took it. Hands still being held they stood there staring at each other. Tay was going to lean in for it. He was going for it. All or nothing. New denied him by turning his face. 

“Patience,” New told him. “There’s a girlfriend I have to speak to first.” 

“Don't fuck with me because I won’t be able to handle that.” 

“I’m not fucking with you. Just give it time.” Tay didn’t like to give things time. After all, time eventually bit him in the ass. He held onto his anger a moment then let out in a deep breath. The anger shouldn’t be directed at Newwie. It really wasn’t his fault. 

“One kiss?” Tay begged before New could actually leave.

“No.”

Tay huffed. “Fine. I’ll just wallow then until you sort it out. Tonight?”

“My oh my someone needs to calm down. No, it won’t be tonight. But soon.” New wrapped his arms around Tay’s neck for a hug. Tay melted into it and New had to fight his way out of his grasp. 

Soon. One word changed everything.

[fandomcathouse]

SSDD - Ch1 All Hands on Deck

AO3 - Written by Me & @lynxtigerwritings

Tags = AU Canon-Divergent / Canon-Typical Violence & Behavior

Pairings = Vergil-OFC / Dante-OFC / Nero-Kyrie

Note - READ LOVE’S SACRIFICE IT’S V PROLOGUE - Pairing V/OFC

If there was one thing Vergil was thankful for, it was that even when he was severely poisoned he could not only feel the presence of the Yamato but also his son. He was also thankful they were in the same place, making it so much easier to focus. Wrapped up in his cloak, shivering even when he was dripping sweat from excursion and fever, he picked his head up when he heard the voice of a sweet girl.

“Hey you two! Dinner’s ready!”

Vergil’s brows pinched together. Was that Kyrie? It echoed from the garage up ahead, the door halfway open. He’d be able to duck under it. That was where the source of the energies was, too.

He wasn’t one to swear, not like Dante or even Nero, but fuck his whole body was shooting white-hot pain all over every step he took...Goddamn Stolas’ for sicking his poisonous plants on him, going after him from behind...All because of Abaddon...

“You, uh...you need somethin’?”

When had he gotten across the road?

“What...hungry? Heh...in luck...food’s ready and Kyrie...too much.” As his vision doubled, most of the sentence was distorted. The sound of clanking reached his ears. That was definitely his son’s voice, and that had been Kyrie after all. Nero had said her name so sweetly...had their relationship developed further? How long...had he been away?

Vergil slipped under the garage door and slowly stepped closer, breathing heavy. His mind was wavering...Focus! He needed to tell Nero he needed help.

“Hope...loud talkers...a pair of those...” Nero had stood up and paused whatever he was saying, but now he was closer Vergil heard him more clearly, “...see somethin’ ya like?”

A blue glow alerted Vergil, feeling the energy of the Yamato spike. When had his son’s arm become demonic?

“You a demon?” Nero growled, obviously on edge now.

That wasn’t what he wanted and he lifted his hand, skin showing grey and veins black in the light. Suddenly desperate he worked his throat and rocked on his heels as he lost his balance, “Nero…”

“Nero! The food’s getting cold! What’s-” Kyrie was immediately cut off.

“Call Dante!” Nero shouted as he swung himself forward. The voice sounded...but it couldn’t. When the robe fell from his face, Nero’s eyes widened and then narrowed. His father looked as though he had aged terribly. The black veins were sucking the very life out of him, and it looked like it was slow acting. Nero knew not a thing about poisons. He only knew how to point and shoot. Kyrie might have something in the home to help slow it down further, but an actual antidote would have to come from Dante, if the demon hunter even knew what the poison was. If this could be cured. “Hey. Father.” His skin was flecking at his very touch, as though he were crumbling to dust.

He slowly pulled the robe back on, trying not to let it rub too much on his father’s skin and hoisted him up. “We’re going to get you upstairs.” He told him seriously. “Kyrie’s calling Dante, I’m sure and we’ll get you better.” As better as they possibly could. “Alright? You gotta stay with me ol’ man. That’s your job right now. You got that? Stay with me.”

His voice needed to work goddamn it but all he got for a second was a chest-rattling grunt to show he was listening. Any other circumstance he would consider this humiliating, and every jostle, as accidental as it was, hurt like a bitch. When he was finally set down on a bed - at least it wasn’t a couch - he reached and grabbed Nero’s arm, choking out, “Yamato...the...power will...” he hissed as his whole body shuddered in a shiver yet a bead of sweat went down his temple, “Slow..it...down...” he finished, feeling incredibly weak and he hated it.

Slow it down? Nero looked at his arm where the Yamato was sealed away. Dante was going to fry him. The Yamato would practically call out every demon from their hiding spots, but what choice did he have? He reached into his palm and pulled the sword out, covered in blood and his arm falling limp from use, Nero had gritted his teeth so finely it was amazing he hadn’t screamed from his own pain. “What do I do?”

Instead of wasting breath, Vergil took it from him and promptly pressed it to his chest where it pulsed with energy. It felt good to have his sword back in his hands, and it when he was able to finally suck air through his teeth and into his lungs instead of fighting for every breath, he relaxed into the bed. Eyes fluttering back open, they were a lot clearer now. Everything still hurt, the poison was still creeping, but he didn’t look or feel like he was going to die in the next heartbeat. “In answer to...your question,” he swallowed hard, throat dry, “Check with...Kyrie. The poison is...from Stolas’ plants. Another demon.” Not being able to articulate his words properly irked him to Hell and back. At least he got his point across.

Nero got up onto his feet. “I got it.” He told him as he walked out of the room. The girls were around the kitchen table looking grim.

“What was that about?” Nico asked clicking her tongue and folding her arms.

“Poison from Stolas.” Nero looked over at Kyrie who was holding the phone. “If that’s still Dante tell him that. I bet he had a few ideas.”

“Do you know who Stolas is?” Kyrie asked the seasoned hunter on the other end, her hand pressed over her heart in worry, “Nero learned that’s where the poison’s from.” Noticing he was holding his arm and it wasn’t as bright, she tilted her head, silently asking if he was alright.

Nero nodded and gave Kyrie a trade-mark smile but he listened for Dante’s reply.

“Looks like I gotta call Lysander. Now to hope that one of them picks up the phone. I’ll be there shortly afterward. Not sure if it’ll help, but holy water might ease it a twinge. He’ll be in a hell of a lot of pain but it’s better that than to bite his tongue and die.” Dante sighed on the other end before hanging up.

“Holy water until help arrives. Do we have any?” she looked at Nico who tended to keep stock of their supplies, then to Nero, “Somebody named Lysander’s going to hopefully be here.”

Nico shrugged, “I might have some but you might wanna make another batch Kyrie just in case. I’ll go down to my van. Be back in a snitch.”

X

“Yo! Sis!” the younger Lysander sister shouted to the void that was her apartment with Charlotte, “The world must be ending, Dante’s called! Asking about plants. That’s your shtick.”

Charlotte blinked from reading. Quietly the older sister closed her book and dig into the mess of papers where her own cellphone was. Three missed calls. All from Dante. Oops. “What about plants?!”

Yvette came from the hallway, phone to her chest so she could talk without getting mixed signals, “Some douchebag demon named Stolas?”

“Ugh. Where?” Charlotte asked as she got up from her desk and went over to her closet. Better drag out the big guns. She reached up and pulled a large oak case that jiggled and clinked ominously. “We’re gonna have to go fast meaning you drive Vet.”

Pale green eyes lit up and she put the phone back to her ear, “Text me the address, would you? On our way now.” If she had the address then that’d make it easier for Charlotte to input it into her GPS and give her directions. Honestly, she was giddy with the thought of getting out of the house and driving. Sure it was dire circumstances, but meeting new people was always fun, and if it was Dante asking for help then part of her knew they were a few steps shy of having a hunt.

“Sure thing,” Dante said, “Tell your sister she’s shit at having a phone.” It was a nice little jab. “See you.”

Not even five seconds went by before Yvette’s phone dinged with a text for the address. Charlotte hauled the big case up and over her shoulder. The rattling increased tenfold. “Following you out the door kiddo.”

X

Honestly, falling asleep was a horrible idea. Vergil was lucky as hell to even open his eyes again. All he remembered last was little concerned Kyrie -my how she’d grown- soothing him while Nero not only made him drink a shot of holy water but apply it to some of the wounds from his skin flaking.

What brought him to consciousness he wasn’t quite sure. All of a sudden he felt Dante’s energy, and drawing near was the presence of what he could only guess was a witch. A rattling noise echoed in the hallway before the door was eased open. Reflexively he gripped his sword, but the sight before him threw his guard off. Straight strands of brown hair spilled over the woman’s shoulders, and as she turned on the light to see what she was doing he was sucked into deep green eyes that reminded him of staring into a forest.

Heaven and Hell combined, he must be really off his game, poison be damned.

Charlotte didn’t miss how he reached for his sword. A part of her wanted to be cheeky about how that sword wouldn’t do much against her and he was delusional, but she kept her mouth closed. This poor man was going through hell. She placed the big case on the ground and kicked it open. It unfolded itself to show so many different kinds of vials in many different colors.

She carefully sat on the edge of the bed and slowly telegraphing her moves to pick up his arm and looked at the black veins. “Holy water?” She mused. “Fast thinking.” She looked up at the man who was on the bed.

“Can he be saved?” Dante asked, folding his arms against his chest.

“He can be,” Charlotte said soothingly and turned to Vergil. “Stolas did this? It’s a new kind of poison. Taking demonic energy and transforming it into literal poison.” She turned away and started to sift through the vials. She hummed a tune softly under her breath.

Such a lovely sound...Vergil closed his eyes briefly before he shifted, “Dante, Stolas got me...in the back. Starting at...the source...might help.” Which of course meant he had to take off his cloak, jacket, vest, and possibly his shirt. “Normally wounds...heal closed. This one...did not.” Which of course meant it had been festering.

Dante walked around the bed and helped Vergil turn around once they got him out off the complicated outfit. The odor was terrible and Charlotte clicked her teeth.

“What the fuck, dad.” Nero hissed when he saw the damage that was on his father’s back. He hadn’t wanted to leave his side, but holy…

“Stolas didn’t really know the safe word here.” Dante grimaced.

“Lets…” Charlotte started to pull her hair back into a makeshift bun. “Yvette I need gauze and warm wet towels.” She lowered herself so Vergil could hear her. “How steady is your grip? I can give it to you orally and you take it yourself or I find a different method.”

“Either holding the yamato...in a death grip...or not at all,” Vergil admitted with a sigh, feeling even colder than before but at least the cool air on the back of his neck where he was drenched in sweat was relieving. He heard the creaking of the door as this ‘Yvette’ left the room to get what was asked of her. “What other methods?”

“One method is that I administer it through a kiss, another is that I open that wound of yours and try to see if I can’t get it to take through the bloodstream. I can even have you sit up and I pour it down your throat if you’d prefer.” Charlotte listed.

“Won’t even consider taking you out to dinner Verg.” Dante teased, though the worried edge on his voice betrayed his feelings.

Nero rolled his eyes. He’s been there. He’s done that. “I’m going to help Yvette find the towels. It’s crowded in here.” He knew his father didn’t want to display too many weaknesses to too many people. At least the Lysander woman was trying her best.

“I was thinking...the same thing,” Vergil nodded to Nero in appreciation and he released a long breath when his son was out of the room, leaving the three of them. Even the Yamato pulsed a little bit when he thought about her kissing him and he shook his head in spite of the ache, “Sit up...pour it.” Lifting his hand to his brother he grit his teeth when Dante grasped his wrist and hauled him up, his body lurching to the side only to be caught by the woman. Her touch set him on edge, but not out of distaste. “My shirt. I’ll bite it.” Whatever it was she gave him to cure the poison was going to make him scream.

“I can knock yo-Okay then.” Dante had to admit it was nice that Charlotte didn’t even try to persuade Vergil to do the other thing. She uncapped the vial. “Brave man.” She set the cap to the side and she scooted a little closer to Vergil. She knew this was going to hurt. He was going to drink it, it was going to taste vile, he was going to hate it and when it was also poured on his wounds with the towel and gauze he was either going to pass out or scream loudly enough to wake up the neighborhood. That shirt of his was going to get torn, undoubtedly. She swirled the vial three times in either direction and looked at Vergil squarely. Like two warriors on opposite sides of a battle. “You can swear at me, I know I’m the bitch in this scenario.” Without further ado, she helped him drink it.

Vergil expected the taste and covered his mouth as he tried not to cough and spit it out, squeezing his eyes shut and swallowing down the bile and the liquid. In the nothing that followed he grabbed his shirt, twisted it and when the first pangs of something made him double over he shoved the cloth in his mouth in time to feel burning.

Yvette returned with the items Char asked for in time to see Vergil slam his body back onto the bed which creaked ominously at the abuse. Screaming into the wad of his shirt while his hands gripped the edges. Yup. That shirt would be pieces by the end of this. “Lotty,” she whispered to get her sister’s attention, holding up the wraps and towels, “Anything else you need help with? Holding him down when you wrap him?”

Charlotte looked at Vergil who was panting, Dante was gripping his brother tightly and they both looked at each other before Charlotte shook her head. “No.” She said after a moment. “I think once we get this done, we can take watch. Make sure it doesn’t get worse or continue to spread.”

“Sounds like a plan, how long does it take?” Dante asked, carefully loosening his grip on his brother so that he could reposition himself. Charlotte carefully took the things from Yvette.

“Twenty four hours, if not a little less since he’s half-demon.” Charlotte determined. “The wound on the back is what I’m worried about most. It’s been infected and reinfected. Actually, Yvette, shove my case a little closer to the bed.”

Huffing mostly at the weight of it, Yvette did as she was told and cocked her head when Vergil screamed again, back arching and if it wasn’t for Dante she’d fear he’d snap his back in two, “I’ll get you another cloth for his forehead, a basin while I’m at it. He’s drenched.”

“You sound like a peach,” Charlotte said as she shifted through the vials a little quicker this time before picking one up. She unrolled the gauze and started to drip some onto cloth and leaned in uncomfortably close to get the wrapping around. “At least,” Charlotte said dryly, “I’m wearing a bra for this.”

Dante appreciated the humor. She was as much in an uncomfortable position as his brother and he was grateful that Charlotte knew how to work swiftly as she did carefully. His brother still writhed in pain and agony, but he still kept a firm grip so he wouldn’t ruin more of her handiwork. “This is going to take all night.” He sighed.

“I’d much rather he scream and punch than to go still and iced,” Charlotte said bluntly. “Yvette can hold him down as well as you can, but I’m pretty sure I’m pushing limits as I am.”

“You know his pride.” Dante huffed a laugh. “I didn’t realize that was infamous.”

“I have my own honor code I abide by. It drives Vet up the wall. Ask her. One time she legit threatened to shoot me over it I kid you not.”

“Oooh boy, you’re his type.” The younger twin snorted, but then had to double his grip again at another wave. “I’m a little worried about putting him on his back or even back on his stomach.” He admitted. “I don’t feel like he can handle that.”

Charlotte didn’t blame him for that line of thinking. But Dante couldn’t hold him all night long and while Yvette did offer to help, Charlotte wasn’t sure if it’d make things better or not. “We have to. We’re better off keeping him from rolling off the bed than we are to restrain him. That’s wasted energy and effort.”

“Logical and precise.” Dante let out a breath. “Okay then.”

They helped each other to get Vergil to lay down, but the moment that they got him back onto his stomach, it was a hell storm. It was agony for touch, for the skin to be pulled and soon enough that antidote would stop burning and it would be numbed, hopefully drugged. Hopefully. His back needed to heal, and him writhing around wasn’t helping. She didn’t doubt that after the first hour, she’d have to change them again.

“I’ll tell Nero we’re taking watch shifts and let Vet know that too. If you’re hungry, I’m sure Kyrie can heat up whatever dinner they were having.” Dante offered as he slowly got himself untangled from Vergil’s grip and body. “She feeds an army and then some, it’s no hassle.”

Charlotte sighed, “Sure. I can’t work on an empty stomach and if there’s room to share, I’ll take it.”

“Awesome. Keep an eye out, you get first watch,” Dante patted Charlotte’s shoulder before heading down the stairs to let the group know what was going on.

“Should’ve let ‘im punch me,” was the barely audible whisper when he was well out of earshot, voice too hoarse and literally cotton-mouthed after his tattered shirt was gone.

Charlotte looked down at Vergil. “At this point in time, I don’t think you’d even know what a punch feels like.”

All he did was hum and Yvette came back in with the cloth and basin she promised a while ago, “Dante told us. I’ll bring your food up when it’s ready, yeah?”

“Sure.” Charlotte looked over at Yvette, “By the dresser thanks.” She let out a low sigh as she started to make herself comfortable on the side of the bed. “I’m good here.” She assured her sister.

“Hmm, I’m sure you are,” Yvette gave her a sly wolfish smile and easily danced away when a pillow was thrown at her, ‘kekeke’ing and tossed it back before leaving her alone with Vergil until she brought food.

“Should’ve shot her, but I don’t know if that’s worth a bullet or my sanity,” Charlotte muttered darkly as she pushed the pillow against her stomach, glaring heatedly at the door. She waited for a moment, in case her sister decided to come back. When it was clear, she set the pillow to the side and went to the basin. The water was lukewarm, which was nice. She dipped the cloth in, and wringing it out before going back to Vergil and gently swiping it across the back of his neck and his forehead, humming soft.

Sleep had nearly claimed him before he felt her gentle touches and picked up on her sweet humming. It was the same tune from before and something he didn’t cater to often, curiosity, nagged at him. Perhaps later he could ask. Instead of releasing another little hum to answer hers, Vergil heard a different noise. With his body so numb, it took a second to realize it was coming from deep, deep in his chest. Not quite human, either. If he had any strength left to care, he would be embarrassed as hell his demon was purring and trilling.

Charlotte heard it. She heard it and it made her pleased. She didn’t know much about hybrids, let alone half-demons. Yet she knew that the demons had their own little purrs and noises that they made. Animalistic as they were, they were sometimes more human than humans. To know that hybrids and half-demons could do the same thing as a regular demon, well...that was going to be her secret to keep. She hummed in tune with the purring and trilling as she wiped away the sweat, and cooled his body down. She didn’t stop humming when she put the cloth back into the basin and went back to settle on the side of the bed. She certainly didn’t stop humming until he was nice and knocked out.

[kinetic-elaboration]

May 14: Retreat

I’ve been thinking about what a weekend devoted to writing would look like. So far my weekend devoted to cleaning (a considerably easier task) is only going so-so. Forcing myself to sit and write, or work on writing projects, will be much harder, and I’m feeling pretty pessimistic about it. Also, I wanted to take a five day weekend to do it, but I’m running out of time when that would be feasible. Next week... sure does exist, but I took a day off yesterday, the week after that is Memorial Day weekend, and after that we get into June, and I’m planning to take a solid week off sometime that month.

At this point I am thinking of splitting the difference with Memorial Day weekend. It’s already 3 days, if the plan goes badly, at least I didn’t waste any vacation time, and if it goes well, I can still get a lot done. (Big if.)

The problem is, of course, that I am scared, and also out of practice, and that I will always avoid doing anything I even sort of don’t want to do, no matter how much I know it will be good for me etc. I can’t rationalize myself out of this terrible habit. I just need to magically have self-control.

I’ve been thinking of a few potential tricks or things that might be helpful, for example I would obviously have to get up/get started at some kinda decent hour. I might work through breakfast, since eating breakfast always makes me want to do nothing immediately after, and I’m considering maybe... setting soft deadlines. The thing is that deadlines can be double edged swords, and part of the point of a writing-devoted weekend is that time is infinite, and I don’t need to rush in any way. But I do want to go out for walks and of course I need to do stuff like eat and shower, so--perhaps something like that.

In terms of goals... I feel I do need to articulate them better.

First, I’ll be working on the SGAU. That’s really the most important thing.

Second, I do have that outline/summary document I made the last time I bothered to think about this fic at all, and my first specific priority is filling it out. I think it will be really helpful. I also think it’s my best entry to actually organizing my thoughts here, especially after so long a hiatus.

Third, I need to make sure I’ve typed up all my remaining notebook notes. I think I’ve gotten 90% of them but I really need a complete set to organize stuff properly.

Fourth, I want to do a total re-read of what I have, and maybe some edits or at least marking places that will need edits.

Fifth, it would be awesome if I could actually do some more writing, add to the draft text itself. Nothing else matters if it doesn’t lead to words-on-page. I’m most worried about actually writing, so while I think that it would be jumping into the deep end to try even throw away stuff, but I’d like to feel like I’m working up to it.

Sixth, I think I should try to do some free writes or other (comparatively) low-stress scenes, just to practice actually writing and to prove to myself I can. Nothing that will really distract from the SGAU, but just little things here and there.

Overall... I’m just nervous. I’m nervous about wrangling myself. Because that’s the thing--I am the enemy here! My own brain is the thing at war with itself, wanting one thing but doing another. Desiring something and then sabotaging it at every turn. Making everything harder than it has to be, constantly.

You wouldn't know it but I actually do love this fic, I do want to continue the universe of it, I do want to see it to completion. I do think I’m a good writer. I do think I can do it, though I have no idea how to get from here to the place where such creation is possible.

[slip-a-dip]

Why I get defensive

When people are like “All men..”

So, Something I’ve noticed is this whole like, Gender role debate is spreading to two a double edged sword, It’s slicing both sides, cutting all of those who wield it. Like, If you talk shit about ones gender, then expect people who identify as that gender to defend themselves.

I see post all the time about how people shit on “All men”, Usually pictured with Text about how a man wrongly mistreated them, or a screenshot of messages where the man is really sexually explicit or also Misogynistic. It’s disgusting and I agree that you should be appalled and express what you’ve experienced because that’s not right..But please, Please stop saying ALL MEN. Or another big one

“Ugh, Men.”

Like, It’s starting to get to the point where I’m ashamed of my gender identity because we’re just so fucking terrible. Like, I just want to be Male who loves everyone and is proud of himself, Please stop blaming the Gender, stop blaming all men.

Thank you

[cvenir]

here i am to introduce EIGHT characters that i actually thought i had already introduced lmao set me on fire !! but yay, take a look under the cut! ofc eventually proper bios will hit my pages and their tasks will expand much more on my children! as always, pinterests and songs are linked if u wanna go a lil deeper

just kidding i drafted that when i was aCTUALLY gonna do 8 but thankfully tea says she won’t accept me until i post 2 intros so yOU SHALL RECEIVE 2 RN and 8 later <33333 gotta keep y’all on your toes heh also i wrote niall’s in my journal on the plane so like... it’s not great (literally just bullets of sentence fragments) but wtvr that’s what bios are for amirite

NIALL O'DONOGHUE looks an awful lot like TARON EGERTON. HE is TWENTY-EIGHT and while they're ASTUTE, they have a tendency to get pretty ARDUOUS. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to DON'T WANNA FALL IN LOVE by KYLE (ok his pinterest is incredibly unfinished look away)

v conflicting mix of soft and hard

king of suppressing his lowkey intense feelings

kinda awkward around others due to the fact that he spent his entire life reading, writing, and studying –– he rarely interacted with other people as a kid and this mostly continued into his adult life

sweet soft boi has a double masters in medieval and renaissance studies and french and romance philology; he’s working on his phd rn while interviewing to become an assistant professor at kola university

grew up w a single mom (never knew dad) and had no siblings so his childhood was even lonelier :////

so like mad libs = his bff :’(

well mad libs and the shoulder flashlight he invented for late night reading (shoutout to amy santiago)

v soft and passionate heart

loves intellectual discussions like my boi has v strong gemini/virgo/mercury influences –– and a libra (or taurus i haven’t decided yet) venus so waTCH OUT

takes friendship v seriously (love u grant <333 @mcnuggcts )

buttt he can be a giant asshole sorry i don’t make the rules

v organized and particular

and scared of getting close to people bc he’s so used to being alone ugh my son!!

but once you get in there you’ll see he’s a good guy like rlly is he just has a bad temper sometimes and can barely express any emotion but anger half the time :///

ISLA VARGA looks an awful lot like ALEXIS REN. SHE is TWENTY-TWO and while they're SAGACIOUS, they have a tendency to get pretty MACABRE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to COOL GIRL by TOVE LO. 

so i’ve played isla before n i’m v sorry to do this but i feel hella lazy so i’m sORRY but here comes a fucking huge wall of text don’t look at me and don’t feel like u have to read it ://// all the triggers i tagged apply to her; she’s p dark so seriously do not read it if you think she will make you uncomfortable!!

to preface, isla is like the embodiment of all of the seven deadly sins, and i molded her a lot after amy dunne (scary, i know) and april ludgate (mostly amy tho april is just deadpan like she is –– when she’s being herself, that is), as she is an incredible pococurante yet perfectionist who borders on sociopathy

soooo this will make sense later but her real name is actually brigid (father’s surname idk) which she now uses as her middle name

so isla’s dad is a fucking rockstar !!! badass right. she’s half-siblings with hadley ( @ofadorations ) and colby ( @shtbgs ) but she actually never met her mom, something she’s not too pressed about

bc she was cute as a button, family friends decided to get her into the entertainment business as a child star almost as soon as she could walk –– she did it all, acted, modeled, danced, sang, she was literally hollywood’s little starlet and she hated every minute of it. the entertainment business loved who they created, but that girl was never her and it weighed deeply on her psyche.

when she was twelve, she decided to fake her own disappearance because she was fed up with everything –– she cut her hair to her ears, dyed it brown (and has continued to do so ever since) and sneaked her way to nyc hoping no one would recognize her

well someone did, and they happened to be a member of ruthless and organized mobs of the city –– in return for keeping her concealed, she pledged her devotion and became one of their most skilled and lethal honeytraps in the business (WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE BC THEY MADE HER START YOUNG I AM SO SORRY FOR WRITING THIS IT JUST PLAYS HEAVILY INTO HER CHARACTER)

along the way, members inevitably died –– people she was sworn to care for –– many times before her eyes as well, which only lead her to realize she enjoyed witnessing all sorts of death, even those of people she was supposed to “love”. emotion was almost nonexistent in isla’s childhood, a trait that bled into her character development.

she began to idolize the gang and its power, something she now craved. still, isla was doing a great job of portraying herself to those around her as a rosy, meek, baby-doll, when in actuality she was a child full of hate who would soon blossom into a young adult of the same tone. she became even more obsessed with death, fantasizing about it as if her unusual thoughts would make her less afraid when it came for her. 

eventually, as she grew older, she was accepted into the higher ranks of the mob; this couldn’t have made isla more content. the macabre girl was honored that someone else noticed her genius, the way she could predict things, assess situations, manipulate people to do her bidding. it was only right that she was initiated into a society that praised her for such harshness

but, as all things do, her time in the gang ended after ten years and isla did what she does best: disappeared. she’s relocated back close to home, kola california, and it’s only a matter of time before people and the industry realize just who she is

if she’s acting like her true self, she behaves like a negative, eldritch layabout who likes to watch others suffer (sounds extreme, i know). however, she rarely lets anyone see the real her, and instead accepts various facades in a big game –– the darkness is truly her personality, she’s not faking her cold demeanor. this image enables her to mask her true potential and the fact that she is unflaggingly loyal and cares about those she’s close to.

if i had to give her a label, it would probably be the pococurante (which is defined as: an indifferent person. possibly they’re bored, jaded or even been hurt. either way, they tend not to get attached to things and don’t show much enthusiasm, whether that’s on the outside or the inside, too)

on the other hand, she could be accurately summed up as an arcane, as she’s an enigmatic mystery and she prides herself on being a puzzle that several people have failed to solve. there are many sides to her personality; in some aspects, she’s very much an aesthete considering she spends a great deal of her time taking putting together outfits, so she has a very defined fashion sense and typically dresses like a princess half the time, which is very ironic considering her dark personality. she truly is so GLAMOROUS (and this is why i love alexis for her) and she works that mean girl, hard soul aesthetic while serving looks and also able to come across as incredibly sweet, which is perfect for her multiple personas. she’s a stunner, with both her appearance and personality; as much as she is indifferent and would prefer to fly under the radar, wherever she goes people always want to ask questions, making her into this intangible concept that everyone wants to define.

people will recognize parts of her as if they’ve seen here in another life, and because of her ostentatious, puzzling, and spellbinding personality, she’s unforgettable. on the other hand, she’s also something of a virago, due to the fact that she can be incredibly feisty when angered; but it takes quite a lot to actually set off her fuse, as she’s good at controlling which emotions she shares. for the most part, she is incredibly blasé and even-tempered. additionally, she’s is a bit of a picaro because her primary aim with her life at this point is to be independent and liberated from any and all attachments to other people. mostly, though, she’s is nothing more than a girl who’s afraid; of what, she still can’t decide.

all in all, she’s so much of everything that she isn’t quite certain of her own identity. her character is one shrouded in secrets and shadows yet alluring and sensual. but, lbr, most of all she’s just deadass terrifying. one of her defining characteristics is her desire to make things happen for her through her own abilities and determination. obstinate as all get out, she doesn’t like to own up to making mistakes so she tries to prove that she’s almost invincible to them bc she doesn’t wanna let anyone see her vulnerable, or she doesn’t want to let someone down - this refers only to those that she’s actually close to. due to her apathetic nature, all she really wants to do is let most people down – people she finds boring and useless – and have some fun because of it. however, when it comes to people she truly has allowed herself to care about, her deepest desire is for their happiness because they must be pretty damn special for making her give a shit.

still, because of her evasive tendencies, she almost always does ruin things for herself and for others, even when she actually cares. she’s like a double-edged sword; when she finds something worthwhile, she sees so much beauty and potential in it, but she’s got a midas touch. whenever she wants to obtain it or pursue it, her involvement makes everything fall to ashes, and she is afraid of her own influence. despite her tendency to run away, once she latches on and decides to be truly loyal, she’ll be devoted in such an extent that she would undoubtedly kill for them.

she can be a loudmouth whenever she actually decides to speak, constantly fabricating outlandish stories and even going off like a deranged person, but beneath her caustic and frightening exterior, isla is rather pensive. on the occasion that she chooses to offer legitimate advice, it’s usually very elaborate and composed. still, she doesn’t want people to know about capable she is, or how intelligent she can be, so she hides her rare brilliance with a tough exterior and stoic personality.

idk if you can tell but i like diving into the specifics of my character like their star signs and stuff so i searched an amy dunne mbti and tweaked it bc it really helped describe her even further! she’s a intj !

introverted intuition (ni): isla sees everything around her in a world of symbols, of metaphors, and of potential. her narration will continually be littered with predictions, with ideas about how things are going to be and what will result from this or that. despite her brashness that some may assume is impulsivity, she is a planner, anticipating new “problems” and seeking to rectify them with her own twisted brand of justice. she tries to work everything into her overall system of understanding, of her big ideas about how the world works, including her take on her various false identities she possesses for her previous job as an escort but also to mess with the minds of others around her. she’s always disappointed by how the real world is never as good as the way she imagined it; she is perfect and nothing else can catch up with her expectations.

extroverted feeling (fe): despite her aloofness, and rather lack of any sort of emotional bearing, empathy, or any sort of true feeling, isla is conscious of how others’ perceive her, of the image she’s created, and of how key that social perception is to her success, even if it’s just in her own imagination. she restrains her real opinions in order to adapt to her environment, as she’s somewhat of a chameleon, only a few have had a chance to catch the true witch beneath the crown. she’s the mistress of change, easily altering her identities in order to better fit in with new people, should the situation require it. she’s easily devastated when she reveals her real personality to others, as in the past, some that she’s left truly see her have refused to accept her twisted true-self. even though she is wholesomely selfish and self-seeking, isla is very people-focused, and applies most of her intellect and analysis onto general people-based functions, that may she can have the confidence that she has clearly manipulated and analyzed every aspect of her environment, as she needs this to feel in control.

introverted thinking (ti): as mentioned, isla is highly analytical, always trying to see the why of a scenario, what’s behind human behavior, which turns her attention to psychology and manifests in her flair for anticipating the thoughts and actions of those around her; she is so obsessed with understanding why people tick that she looks past her own slighted judgment, as she herself could easily qualify as a sociopath/psychopath. she’s always trying to fit in any new experience, or piece of information, into her pre-established system of facts, and as such is rarely ever surprised. despite her apathy and lack of care for her life or how it progresses, she’s highly organized and loves to make checklists, arrangements for the future, and methodically ticks of her obligations, one by one. while her emotions and feelings are significantly suppressed, and even nonexistent, she makes up for that human trait with a very powerful mind, one that is quick to learn and adept with languages, memorization, and logic. however, she doesn’t want anyone to know just how brilliant and quick she is, as it’s her greatest asset, thus explaining why she chose not to be a member on the intellectual team.

extroverted sensing (se): isla tends to respond her physical environment with fierce analysis, as expressed in her intellectual capabilities. she’s almost incapable of living in the moment, contrary to how people suspect she is, considering she portrays herself as impulsive and cunningly excitable. in reality, though, even when she’s crossed off everything on her checklist, she’s almost incapable of relaxing, or enjoying the world around her, as she doesn’t find things that other people find beautiful. she struggles the most with the physical side of her plans, even though she is a very physical individual. she is very open with her body and indulges with the lusts of the flesh, as she sensuality is at the same level as her wickedness. along with this, isla craves for the environment that houses her figure to be pleasant and organized, and can’t stand when things are out of order.

[ryouverua]

Flashback light! Flashback light!

I just love the animated sequence a lot okay

Aaaw Tsumugi don’t ruin my fun D: Besides, we already missed out on the last one! Which... actually raises an interesting question. If these are being released sequentially, are we going to have a weird gap in our memories because the last one was broken? I guess it depends on how it works - maybe it’ll just bring back the memories that were next in line to be released anyway...

Well, I wonder if Tsumugi has a valid point though. 8′D The flashback lights are probably double-edged swords if Monokuma is giving them out like candy.

... With that said I guess I’m still wondering if all of the memories are theirs? I’ve played around with the ‘they’re regular high-school students who’ve had their memories written over/modified with the memories/identities of Ultimate students who died in the past’ - could at least make a decent jab at the somewhat ‘cyclical’ vibe I’m getting along with the life-and-death/resurrection and escapism theme... And considering there was that ‘Ultimate Hunt’ that showed them being hunted down by an unknown group and that Rantaro seems to have done this before.

Actually with that said, with the reveal of Kaito being sick - that actually... maybe fits in with this a bit. They would do a whole medical exam before accepting someone into astronaut training (forged papers aside lol) and considering the game we’re in, I’d be pretty surprised if this wasn’t a terminal disease he had. So how could he still be the Ultimate Astronaut without a clean bill of health? Well, if they picked up some random kid off the street and gave him the memories of the Ultimate Astronaut without checking for something like that, something that he clearly doesn’t remember - that would make quite a bit of sense, wouldn’t it?

But enough speculating, we have a return guest!

............. Hm.

That is.......... probably a lie, huh.

Damnit Miu, why have we been on the same wavelength so much recently?!

Oh come on, there’s no way that’s going to work -

KAITO I LOVE YOU BUT YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR GREY MATTER TO GOOD USE OUTSIDE OF SPACE TRAVEL

I just have this image of Kokichi with the controller just pressing ‘fast forward’ on the normal pre-flashback light dialogue -

“Come ooooon guys I get it! Blah blah blah dangerous blah blah blah memories blah blah! SHOW ME THOSE SWEET CHEEKS, SWEET CHEEKS!”

Remembered.....?!?!

Unrelated but did he just say talkin’ omg...

YEAH I’M PRETTY SURE THAT’S A BAD THING

So these were definitely the meteorites brought up in Kirumi’s video. And everyone watched that, right? So this shouldn’t be huge news to anyone but uh, apparently it is! Okay! Shit that’s one way to move past the first two games A BIT DRASTIC BUT OKAY

Oh that is not good. We... just got our first glimpse of the mastermind’s potential motive, huh?

THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY THINGS ENDED WELL YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD

Oooh, new yellow text!

Which I suppose Kirumi would have been helping with...

Could it be because.... the plan required 16 Ultimate talent students? Maybe? but then the ‘Ultimate Hunt’ happened and those students were killed, hence the group funeral? Maybe??? Which is why we have 16 students that may have had to become the original group chosen to save everyone?? I am cramming my square peg theory into a round hole AND IDGAF ANYMORE

Oh fuck we’re not going to find out Miu is part of that cult are we - like it triggered our memories of the world-ending cult for us in general, but she’ll have some sort of connection to it and basically unlock a whole different set of memories for her - ?!

PSYCHE

.... was that just a red herring or is that actually foreshadowing 8′\ Gonta isn’t the only one waving red flags this chapter...

Himiko’s got her priorities straight.

Yeah, see, this is where I’m stuck too. I have theories on all this stuff but they don’t... really... fit together? False memories/identities of dead students (and perhaps them even attending the funeral of the actual students they’re imitating??) - that fits up to the whole ‘getting talents at the beginning of the game/funeral scene, and that feeling I can’t shake about how random/unwanted their talents are to most of them. It can even work with the Ultimate Hunt!

But then the meteors/them being in space or on a spaceship right now, and them being isolated from the outside world makes sense when you consider the meteorites and Kirumi talking about a terrible event she needed to escape to take care of, to protect the citizens of her country. It also makes sense about having the ‘Prime Minister’, an astronaut, an anthropologist, an inventor, a robot and even an artist and musician, along with all of those libraries and other areas containing information/things of human historical significance. You want to have not just kids with potential for a space mission/leadership (... I guess Supreme Leader can technically go there too??) but students representing arts and technology, who can keep those things going. With that said... the only way I can mash that together with the first idea is that the original set of talented children died? Maybe hunted down, aka the Ultimate Hunt, so they found these kids instead??? But even then, some of the talents get a major side-eye like... cosplayer can maybe work as seamstress and I suppose an assassin works as someone cool under pressure/willing to do things that need to be done, but a magician? Really? 

I’m definitely still missing some pieces of the puzzle, and that piece is definitely the mastermind’s role in this. .. Are we going the route of ‘the mastermind is part of the world-ending cult’ then? How very VLR of you

Ah right, that’s true... Ultimate Academy, and not Hope’s Peak, right?

Anyway, at least we’re only in Chapter 4. oTL It’s not like I’m out of ideas or anything - I’d hardly call the rambling from earlier being stumped - but nothing is clicking quite... right for me yet.

Man as much as I joke that I relate to Tsumugi and Shuichi, Kokichi and I have been on a bit of a similar wavelength too. 8′D That’s something I never thought I’d say, and yet here we are...

Hm... is that a good or bad thing?

Anyway, Kokichi seems hell-bent on pissing Kaito off. Which does make sense, actually! They’re officially the strongest personalities in the room and definitely have the most leadership potential. 

Kokichi why are you calling me out like this

RADICAL-9 OR HINAMIZAWA SYNDROME

............ OKAY KODAKA I GET IT YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH THE CREATOR OF THE ZERO ESCAPE SERIES

Kaito stop smashing the 4th wall open

FUCKING LMAO THAT’S THE MOST PRESSING ISSUE YOU HAVE KAITO?!

Oooh, looks like we still have shades of Angie’s council left over. That... could be a hint, maybe? About susceptibility to cults? It could turn out that someone who was willing to go along with Angie’s council was just as easily swayed by the world-ending cult...

[mk-otro]

RP Advice No One Wanted: CONT’D

I wrote this six years ago. It was about roleplaying villains, but due to roleplay (or RP) circumstances I've encountered lately, I’ve made the mistake of revisiting it. The fact I still roleplay somewhere on the internet is surprising in itself; I haven't been fully persuaded to quit altogether just yet. Key words, there.

So here's a few additional RP-related bits of advice -- maybe some repeats of what I've said before, but all still relevant:

Concerning IC Character Portrayal and Development

I still stand by the fact that researching and reviewing canon is key to staying true to the character in question, especially if it's a villain. If a villain is serious, then be serious. If the character is bombastic? Be BOMBASTIC. If they're freaking terrible, go be terrible. HOwever, if there's enough wiggle room for personality you can slip in stuff that you think fits into the situation they currently find themselves in. As I've said before: a well-rounded character is a good character.

(This can also fall in with playing heroes and good guys. Take away the titles and it's really all the same concept.)

“But what if canon materials differ from each other? What if there are contradictions?” To that I say find the most prominent traits and work in what you can. (This probably goes for American comics since they're notorious for retconning their storylines every so many years. THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH, STOP)

Of Course, Development is A Whole 'Nother Monster

In-Game (or In-Character/IC) Development is like a double-edged sword. It's good to have a character progress from where they first started, it may not always turn out for the better. Sometimes the progression can get worse. Still, development shouldn't be drastically shifting every time Something Happens. It's a lot more haphazard, like the rings on a tree stump. Or something like that. What it shouldn't be is a consistent pattern of ups and downs.

For instance, a character can be really stubborn until something breaks that streak. Or, as another example, a character acts cowardly until they decide they need to step up and hold their ground. To have a character bounce back and forth between these changes messes up the progression.

Trying to balance out the effects of the scenarios can be exhausting unless you really know what you're doing with the information you have at hand. But no matter the changes, the core of the character should still be, y'know, identifiable. Distinguishable. If the changes are too extreme and you can't recognize who the character is supposed to be, then there's something wrong.

A character not changing at all is also something wrong. Maybe not wrong, but it feels...weird. I'm not sure how to describe it. Flat? Two-Dimensional? Same diff?

And Now Something A Little Different, But Still Relevant To The Topic of RP

I know RP isn't Serious Business ™ , but I find it crazy that people get very emotionally-involved on both the IC and OOC sides of text-based games. Not that being emotional is a bad thing; too much of it, on the other hand, can put a damper on everything that goes into playing fictional characters in fictional settings. So, some things to keep in mind:

- If you want to play with others, ask. If you have an idea for a scene or plot, that's even better!

- Common Sense says Communication is a Two-Way Street. You can ask for RP. They can ask for RP. If you want to do it, you accept. If not, then you decline politely. Same thing for goes for them. Not that difficult.

- While it's good to have fun, make sure you're all having fun. It's not fun when only one person reaps the rewards. Everyone has a part to play. If you're not the one running a scene, thank the people who do. They put a lot a work into it.

- No one can force anyone to do anything they don't want to do. Usually people are good at hashing out stuff for RP fun times, but there are some people who like to place their personal agendas on the unsuspecting without their full knowledge. You have to remember PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE, with real blood and guts and a brain and everything squishy. They're just like you! Not every detail will be agreed upon! That's just how it is! Talk it out. Brainstorm. Compromise if you have to! But if the answer is no, accept it and move on.

- Nobody wants to be That Person who harasses others because they didn't get their way. Unfortunately, some people either aren't socialized properly to understand 'no' as a statement and need more explanation for why they were refused. Others just don't take 'no' for an answer, which makes them Trash for undermining the reasons laid down in the first place.

* (In case there is no Moderator or Staff figure present to notify about a player behavior, it would be good to promptly end all communications with them. Anyone who is uncomfortable and Done ™ with such behavior is allowed to cut things short.)

- - - - -

So TL;DR; Some more guidelines to RPing that aren't THE guidlines but are good things to keep in mindSHUT UP, MK, you're not my mother, who needs to READ on a text-based game anyway-- I'M SHARING MY EXPERIENCES WITH YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO I'm too old for this.

RP is tiring, but it can be fun if you let it be! But if you ask to do something without putting in the effort, or ask why x is happening and what it has to do with anything, then I have to ask you one question in return: Why Are You Even Here?

[howardschatzphotography]

"Peter Dinklage, Actor."

Blog #227  10/17/17

I have blogged recently about the actors Elizabeth Moss and Terrence Howard, who came to my studio to be photographed doing a kind of improv for my monthly column in Vanity Fair. Here I’ll add the remarkable actor Peter Dinklage, famous for his central role in Game of Thrones. He came to be photographed for my book Caught in the Act. As was usually the case with actors’ portraits (as it is with most of my portraiture), I began by interviewing Dinklage, to learn more about his work, and to give him time to get comfortable with me. (His revealing and thought-provoking interview is near the end of this missive.) I then suggested scenes and asked him to create characters to act them. The writer and my frequent collaborator, Owen Edwards, helped develop and write the situations.

Hearing his mother’s unusual sounds, a toddler opens his parents bedroom door and sees what looks like his parents desperately wrestling.

Here, the actor was asked (directed) to play a brand new middle school teacher, confronting total chaos on his first day in a fourth grade class.

On the 405 Freeway in Los Angeles, you’re cut off by a busily texting driver in a Chevy suburban.

There have been burglaries in the neighborhood. It’s 3 a.m., someone is moving around downstairs; the landline is dead, and your cell phone is in your car.

At the family supper table with your wife and children. Your 15y/o daughter defiantly announces she’s pregnant and “can’t wait to be a mother.”

At a Justin Bieber concert, the “Biebs” has just pointed at you, a tween girl, and beckons you onto the stage.

A three-year-old declares that he hates everybody, and that there’s no way he’s going to his room for a time out.

A bunny-level skier unwisely decides to run the diamond slope, sees a tree dead ahead, and has no idea how to turn or stop.

“To be! Or not!! To be!!!” A desperate young actor in a way over the top audition for a the lead in “Hamlet.”

At a crucial bowling match, you, the team captain, have just dropped your ball on your foot.

After a lifetime of seeing hundreds of cartoons about people slipping on banana peels, you’ve finally seen someone actually do it.

Interview:

Peter Dinklage:  I don’t know if I had had the wisdom to own my size at an early age, I just shut down as a teenager and got angry. I didn’t have a sense of humor about it that I should have had. I found that later, and maybe had as a kid, but I just didn’t have it anymore. I just got bitter. I like the outcast community. No matter how famous or handsome an actor is, they are at their core a bit peculiar, because the profession is odd. In my 40’s, I still wake up going, “why do I do this for a living?” But then it has such beauty to it and I remind myself why I love it. But I think if you’re a little intelligent, you do question it often, or the good actors usually do find it a bit foolish. What else are you going to do? It’s a passion. I know a lot of young actors who are very successful in their 20s who are great people. Some people know how to deal with it. I actually thank God I was lucky to get a modicum of success and a career later in life. I don’t know how I would have dealt with it if it came in my early 20s when I was acting the fool. You know, I don’t know what I would have done with that money. I don’t know what I would have done with that recognition. I think it’s dangerous. When you get older, you’re a little more centered. I’m working, but it’s a double-edged sword. I obviously can’t play the roles that I wish I could. I still struggle too, but there are a lot of roles for dwarves in fiction for some reason and I seem to be getting work from those roles. I don’t know why some people have more choices than others. I don’t want to be cynical, but there are some really lucky actors out there and there are some actors that are so much better that are really struggling. And it’s just luck. A movie role is very solitary. There’s so much money at stake and there’s such pressure; you have very little time and you have to be so prepared. It’s a director’s art form and I love that. Also there aren’t enough artists anymore; the Fellinis and the Kubricks of the world have been replaced; it’s all about the actor. And it wasn’t about the actors in those movies; it was about the director and I loved that. As an actor myself, it can be terribly boring, the time spent on set, unless you’re with an entertaining group, because you’re just waiting around most of the time. I love the filmmaking process, but the day to day….. people think it’s romantic and great, but it really is the opposite. It can be very tedious. And there are moments, little gems throughout the day – hopefully you get one a day – moments of truth and a great take and hopefully the director will pick that in the editing room. But it can be boring. Theatre on the other hand is alive and you are in on the process a lot more and you have more control as an actor because you are delivering the final result. And it’s being with other actors in one room all day long hashing it out and then presenting it. It’s a very different beast. From an actor’s point of view, I enjoy theatre in terms of craft and films I enjoy because of the intimacy of it, and because I’m such a movie fan that I love waiting to see what the director will do with it. There’s acting before Brando and acting after Brando. He was all about sex. It was man, woman, … everything he did was, like, he’s going to fuck somebody. A lot of actors lead with their head and they start to overthink things. I think it’s better to lead with your groin than your head. We’re sexual creatures and I think all the great plays are charged to different degrees. You can’t deny the sexuality of acting. Obviously there are other things at play, but that’s a base. It informs I think, how you move. I wish that I could fake it better. … I don’t know how these very good actors cry on a dime. I want to know their secret. For those emotions to come up, I need my environment to be really real and scary. I’ve worked on some films and theatre where you get to that level and it’s beautiful, but I wish I could fake that level. A lot of actors can, really well, but I just can’t. I’ve never been able to. Oftentimes with films there’s a pressure, you should be able to do that at the drop of a hat. I wish I could. Every job you get better I think, hopefully; working with actors that are listening and don’t let you off the hook. And there’s a reason why the great actors are great, the really amazing ones, because they really listen. Unfortunately, that’s rare because people are very wrapped up in their performance. Just because you had a great experience making a movie doesn’t make the movie any good. The Station Agent, that was both a really great experience because it took so long to get that movie made and we were all in it from the beginning. That was a sense of accomplishment. And, finally, people saw it, more people saw it than we ever dreamed were going to see it. I think I’m so critical and I catch myself just being down on my acting too much, maybe because I’m a perfectionist. With acting specifically I want it to be amazing all the time and, so, I’m tough on myself when it’s not perfect.

I left time to create a portraits. He was so much fun and enthusiastic about collaborating with me that there were many images I felt worked wonderfully. Here are a few.  

Thank-you, Peter.

[daily-yoificrec]

June 2017 Rec Roundup

Top ten list for fics that were updated/posted in the month of June that I recommended! I say top ten, but they’re listed in no particular order. 

Bc I’m so busy, I chose to post w/o additional comments. but all of these fics are ones I highly recommend as must-reads, and even ones that are wips you should def give a try. 

1. if this be error by alykapedia || Rated T, 7.8k (WIP)

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me prov’d, I never writ, nor no man ever lov’d

Yuuri Katsuki wants nothing more than to retire back to the country and busy his days with managing his family’s declining finances. At twenty-three, he is facing his fifth season in society unmated and with no prospects in sight.

At least until Lord Viktor Nikiforov makes him an offer he would be foolish to refuse.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that an unmated omega in possession of a not-inconsiderable dowry, is in want of an alpha.”

JFALKJDA;FJS;LA THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE ECHOES. This isn’t a p&p au though, it’s a regency au, but still that first line had me right away. This has an absolutely delightful beginning, with background offered and hints of worldbuilding throughout. The interactions are lovely, the setup is lovely and just

just

♡✧( ु•⌄• ) super duper fucking recommended wip to follow

just read it oh my god (⌯⌅⌄⌅)

2. boy next door by wingchestr || Rated E, 4.8k

“Hi, welcome to the Green Bean,” Yuuri says, in the way that’s become something of a joke between them. “What can I get for you today?”

In which Viktor buys way too much coffee from the cute barista at the coffeeshop on the corner, and Yuuri has a terrible crush that Viktor never, ever needs to know about, and somehow it all works out in the end.

Really cute a/b/o and coffeeshop au! The author’s other fics are amazing, so I have really high expectations for this one. Yuuri and Victor have great chemistry.

3. What it feels like to be Loved series by tothebatcave53 || Rated M, 19.4k

Being blinded by love isn’t a bad thing, unless it blinds Victor to all of Yuuri’s less than subtle hints about being a dragon.

Comment: I love!!!! This series!!!!!!!! Really funny and really fun to read, with touches of worldbuilding and wonderful interactions between Yuuri and Victor. I reread the entire thing when I saw the fourth part go up. Magic realism is great, dragons are fuckin A, and I’m very weak for the idea of Yuuri hoarding Victor. The affection is just wonderful.

Heck. Read it please.

4. can’t count the years by counterheist || Rated T, 4.8k

A local magazine features Mila’s as the best breakfast spot in town one year after it opens. The opposite page is devoted to a pie shop Mila has heard of, but never been to. Easy as Pie gets a paragraph of text and three photographs. One shot is a slice of blueberry pie, another is of hands kneading dough. The last one is of a woman with long, dark hair and olive-toned skin holding an armful of large blue ribbons. Sara Crispino, the caption reads, owner and baker at Easy as Pie holds all six of her National Pie Competition blue ribbons.

Mila drives over the same day she sees the article, as soon as the breakfast rush ends.

Pls read this if you love saramila bc it’s so good and there aren’t nearly enough saramila fics in this fandom. There’s also side vicyuu! But seriously, read this for diner owner Mila and pie master Sara. I really love the dynamics built between everyone, especially Mila and Victor’s friendship.

5. learn to love the skies I’m under by LinneaKou || Rated M, 11.3k (WIP)

The day after the Sochi GPF banquet, Katsuki Yuuri disappears without a trace.

The day after the Sochi GPF banquet, Viktor Nikiforov finds a stray poodle and takes it home with him.

These two events are, oddly enough, connected.

Comment: Sadder than one would expect. The premise isn’t unfamiliar, as it’s inspired by another fic (which the author lists, and I’ve read) but the author still executes it really well. Expect feelings when you read this, no matter how soft some things may seem.

6. kiss and cry in the corners of my castle by unexpectedtrash || Rated G, 6k (WIP)

Yuuri only wanted to go back home to Hasetsu, where the ocean was warm and life was mundane and comfortable. Take it back, he wanted to beg. I never asked for this gift. Magic was a double-edged sword, and with Voldemort advancing, Yuuri wants to turn tail and run.

Only, Yuri might have a thing or two to say about that.

Comment: There are A Lot of Hogwarts AUs, but this one is setduring the events of the Harry Potter books themselves, and I love how it’s kicked off. Slytherin Yuuri vs. Umbridge, Angry Badger Yuri Plisetsky, and this makes me very excited about how they’re going to integrate the characters with the story.

7.Night is Young and the Music’s High by opalish || Rated T, 3k

“Best press conference ever,” the Japanese Nationals silver medalist says when asked. “Ten out of ten, would medal again.”

“I would die for Katsuki-kun,” Minami declares, with terrifying sincerity.

“He doesn’t need a shovel talk, he needs another gold medal. And that’s something I never thought anyone would say about Victor Freaking Nikiforov.“

“Freakingevich,” Yuuri corrects him officiously, adjusting his glasses. He’s been studying.

And:

“Well, it won’t affect me,” Victor says dramatically. “Not when I’m just Breakdancing Sensation Yuuri Nikiforov-Katsuki’s unnamed but spectacularly beautiful husband.”

“You’d better be Figure Skating Legend Yuuri Nikiforov-Katsuki’s unnamed but spectacularly beautiful husband,” Yuuri mutters, vowing to never dance in public ever again.

Beautiful hilarious characterization, dialogue that has me cackling, just in general this fic has me throwing it as a rec to various group chats as well.

Ten out of ten, would read again. 

*zooms off to do just that*  ≡ = -└( 。 >ω<)┐

8. a covenant with a bright blazing star series by seventhstar

The A/B/O Regency marriage of convenience AU no one actually wanted.

In which the reclusive and highly respectable Lord Yuuri Katsuki is offered fifty thousand pounds if he remains married to poor, scandalous trademan’s son Viktor Nikiforov for a year. Desperate for funds, he accepts.

It’s only one year, after all. What’s the worst that could happen?

comment: I am, admittedly, slightly confused as we still don’t have the background yet but so far this series is great omg. The vicyuu relationship promises to be great, the Pride and Prejudice influences make me bounce excitedly, and this is certainly a series to stalk if you don’t mind A/B/O fics.

Pride and Prejudice influences, people. tryyyyyyyy iiiiiiiit

9.  Driving Mr. Katsuki by CullinanKatsudon || Rated M, 13k (WIP)

Yuuri Katsuki gets into Victor Nikiforov’s car, mistaking it for his Uber ride…and Victor doesn’t correct him.

Comment: Oh my god this au and this fic are ridiculous but holy hell, the author has me fuckin invested as yell. I’ve laughed and pitied Yuuri and facepalmed at Victor and this fic is just a ride. Super duper fucking recommend, it’s hilarious and brilliant and I just. I laughed so hard.

10. cancel your reservations by renaissance ||  Rated T, 5.4k

Yuuri is a college student conducting private fencing lessons for a handsome, rich, and mysterious student. Viktor is not learning to fence because he does medieval reenactments.

ak;ljdskafl;jsa; I saw this prompt floating around only a few days ago, and the author’s executed it so damn well. Yuuri and Victor hit it off amazingly, Yuuri is amazingly oblivious to something other than Victor’s romantic overtures for once, and this is 10/10 recommend would read again.

[devilsnwitches]

SSDD - Ch1 All Hands on Deck

AO3 <Link - Written by Me & @lynxtigerwritings

Tags = AU Canon-Divergent / Canon-Typical Violence & Behavior

Pairings = Vergil-OFC / Dante-OFC / Nero-Kyrie

Note - READ LOVE’S SACRIFICE IT’S V PROLOGUE - Pairing V/OFC

If there was one thing Vergil was thankful for, it was that even when he was severely poisoned he could not only feel the presence of the Yamato but also his son. He was also thankful they were in the same place, making it so much easier to focus. Wrapped up in his cloak, shivering even when he was dripping sweat from excursion and fever, he picked his head up when he heard the voice of a sweet girl.

“Hey you two! Dinner’s ready!”

Vergil’s brows pinched together. Was that Kyrie? It echoed from the garage up ahead, the door halfway open. He’d be able to duck under it. That was where the source of the energies was, too.

He wasn’t one to swear, not like Dante or even Nero, but fuck his whole body was shooting white-hot pain all over every step he took...Goddamn Stolas’ for sicking his poisonous plants on him, going after him from behind...All because of Abaddon...

“You, uh...you need somethin’?”

When had he gotten across the road?

“What...hungry? Heh...in luck...food’s ready and Kyrie...too much.” As his vision doubled, most of the sentence was distorted. The sound of clanking reached his ears. That was definitely his son’s voice, and that had been Kyrie after all. Nero had said her name so sweetly...had their relationship developed further? How long...had he been away?

Vergil slipped under the garage door and slowly stepped closer, breathing heavy. His mind was wavering...Focus! He needed to tell Nero...he needed to admit he...needed help.

“Hope...loud talkers...a pair of those...” Nero had stood up and paused whatever he was saying, but now he was closer Vergil heard him more clearly, “...see somethin’ ya like?”

A blue glow alerted Vergil, feeling the energy of the Yamato spike. When had his son’s arm become demonic?

“You a demon?” Nero growled, obviously on edge now.

That wasn’t what he wanted and he lifted his hand, skin showing grey and veins black in the light. Suddenly desperate he worked his throat and rocked on his heels as he lost his balance, “Nero…”

“Nero! The food’s getting cold! What’s-” Kyrie was immediately cut off.

“Call Dante!” Nero shouted as he swung himself forward. The voice sounded...but it couldn’t. When the robe fell from his face, Nero’s eyes widened and then narrowed. His father looked as though he had aged terribly. The black veins were sucking the very life out of him, and it looked like it was slow acting. Nero knew not a thing about poisons. He only knew how to point and shoot. Kyrie might have something in the home to help slow it down further, but an actual antidote would have to come from Dante, if the demon hunter even knew what the poison was. If this could be cured. “Hey. Father.” His skin was flecking at his very touch, as though he were crumbling to dust.

He slowly pulled the robe back on, trying not to let it rub too much on his father’s skin and hoisted him up. “We’re going to get you upstairs.” He told him seriously. “Kyrie’s calling Dante, I’m sure and we’ll get you better.” As better as they possibly could. “Alright? You gotta stay with me ol’ man. That’s your job right now. You got that? Stay with me.”

His voice needed to work goddamn it but all he got for a second was a chest-rattling grunt to show he was listening. Any other circumstance he would consider this humiliating, and every jostle, as accidental as it was, hurt like a bitch. When he was finally set down on a bed - at least it wasn’t a couch - he reached and grabbed Nero’s arm, choking out, “Yamato...the...power will...” he hissed as his whole body shuddered in a shiver yet a bead of sweat went down his temple, “Slow..it...down...” he finished, feeling incredibly weak and he hated it.

Slow it down? Nero looked at his arm where the Yamato was sealed away. Dante was going to fry him. The Yamato would practically call out every demon from their hiding spots, but what choice did he have? He reached into his palm and pulled the sword out, “What do I do?”

Instead of wasting breath, Vergil took it from him and promptly pressed it to his chest where it pulsed with energy. It felt good to have his sword back in his hands, and it when he was able to finally suck air through his teeth and into his lungs instead of fighting for every breath, he relaxed into the bed. Eyes fluttering back open, they were a lot clearer now. Everything still hurt, the poison was still creeping, but he didn’t look or feel like he was going to die in the next heartbeat. “In answer to...your question,” he swallowed hard, throat dry, “Check with...Kyrie. The poison is...from Stolas’ plants. Another demon.” Not being able to articulate his words properly irked him to Hell and back. At least he got his point across.

Nero got up onto his feet. “I got it.” He told him as he walked out of the room. The girls were around the kitchen table looking grim.

“What was that about?” Nico asked clicking her tongue and folding her arms.

“Poison from Stolas.” Nero looked over at Kyrie who was holding the phone. “If that’s still Dante tell him that. I bet he had a few ideas.”

“Do you know who Stolas is?” Kyrie asked the seasoned hunter on the other end, her hand pressed over her heart in worry, “Nero learned that’s where the poison’s from.” Noticing he was holding his arm and it wasn’t as bright, she tilted her head, silently asking if he was alright.

Nero nodded and gave Kyrie a trade-mark smile but he listened for Dante’s reply.

“Looks like I gotta call Lysander. Now to hope that one of them picks up the phone. I’ll be there shortly afterward. Not sure if it’ll help, but holy water might ease it a twinge. He’ll be in a hell of a lot of pain but it’s better that than to bite his tongue and die.” Dante sighed on the other end before hanging up.

“Holy water until help arrives. Do we have any?” she looked at Nico who tended to keep stock of their supplies, then to Nero, “Somebody named Lysander’s going to hopefully be here.”

Nico shrugged, “I might have some but you might wanna make another batch Kyrie just in case. I’ll go down to my van. Be back in a sinch.”

X

“Yo! Sis!” the younger Lysander sister shouted to the void that was her apartment with Charlotte, “The world must be ending, Dante’s called! Asking about plants. That’s your shtick.”

Charlotte blinked from reading. Quietly the older sister closed her book and dig into the mess of papers where her own cellphone was. Three missed calls. All from Dante. Oops. “What about plants?!”

Yvette came from the hallway, phone to her chest so she could talk without getting mixed signals, “Some douchebag demon named Stolas?”

“Ugh. Where?” Charlotte asked as she got up from her desk and went over to her closet. Better drag out the big guns. She reached up and pulled a large oak case that jiggled and clinked ominously. “We’re gonna have to go fast meaning you drive Vet.”

Pale green eyes lit up and she put the phone back to her ear, “Text me the address, would you? On our way now.” If she had the address then that’d make it easier for Charlotte to input it into her GPS and give her directions. Honestly, she was giddy with the thought of getting out of the house and driving. Sure it was dire circumstances, but meeting new people was always fun, and if it was Dante asking for help then part of her knew they were a few steps shy of having a hunt.

“Sure thing,” Dante said, “Tell your sister she’s shit at having a phone.” It was a nice little jab. “See you.”

Not even five seconds went by before Yvette’s phone dinged with a text for the address. Charlotte hauled the big case up and over her shoulder. The rattling increased tenfold. “Following you out the door kiddo.”

X

Honestly, falling asleep was a horrible idea. Vergil was lucky as hell to even open his eyes again. All he remembered last was little concerned Kyrie -my how she’d grown- soothing him while Nero not only made him drink a shot of holy water but apply it to some of the wounds from his skin flaking.

What brought him to consciousness he wasn’t quite sure. All of a sudden he felt Dante’s energy, and drawing near was the presence of what he could only guess was a witch. A rattling noise echoed in the hallway before the door was eased open. Reflexively he gripped his sword, but the sight before him threw his guard off. Straight strands of brown hair spilled over the woman’s shoulders, and as she turned on the light to see what she was doing he was sucked into deep green eyes that reminded him of staring into a forest.

Heaven and Hell combined, he must be really off his game, poison be damned.

Charlotte didn’t miss how he reached for his sword. A part of her wanted to be cheeky about how that sword wouldn’t do much against her and he was delusional, but she kept her mouth closed. This poor man was going through hell. She placed the big case on the ground and kicked it open. It unfolded itself to show so many different kinds of vials in many different colors.

She carefully sat on the edge of the bed and slowly telegraphing her moves to pick up his arm and looked at the black veins. “Holy water?” She mused. “Fast thinking.” She looked up at the man who was on the bed.

“Can he be saved?” Dante asked, folding his arms against his chest.

“He can be,” Charlotte said soothingly and turned to Vergil. “Stolas did this? It’s a new kind of poison. Taking demonic energy and transforming it into literal poison.” She turned away and started to sift through the vials. She hummed a tune softly under her breath.

Such a lovely sound...Vergil closed his eyes briefly before he shifted, “Dante, Stolas got me...in the back. Starting at...the source...might help.” Which of course meant he had to take off his cloak, jacket, vest, and possibly his shirt. “Normally wounds...heal closed. This one...did not.” Which of course meant it had been festering.

Dante walked around the bed and helped Vergil turn around once they got him out of the complicated outfit. The odor was terrible and Charlotte clicked her teeth.

“What the fuck, dad.” Nero hissed when he saw the damage that was on his father’s back. He hadn’t wanted to leave his side, but holy…

“Stolas didn’t really know the safe word here.” Dante grimaced.

“Lets…” Charlotte started to pull her hair back into a makeshift bun. “Yvette I need gauze and warm wet towels.” She lowered herself so Vergil could hear her. “How steady is your grip? I can give it to you orally and you take it yourself or I find a different method.”

“Either holding the Yamato...in a death grip...or not at all,” Vergil admitted with a sigh, feeling even colder than before but at least the cool air on the back of his neck where he was drenched in sweat was relieving. He heard the creaking of the door as this ‘Yvette’ left the room to get what was asked of her. “What other methods?”

“One method is that I administer it through a kiss, another is that I open that wound of yours and try to see if I can’t get it to take through the bloodstream. I can even have you sit up and I pour it down your throat if you’d prefer.” Charlotte listed.

“Won’t even consider taking you out to dinner Verg.” Dante teased, though the worried edge on his voice betrayed his feelings.

Nero rolled his eyes. He’s been there. He’s done that. “I’m going to help Yvette find the towels. It’s crowded in here.” He knew his father didn’t want to display too many weaknesses to too many people. At least the Lysander woman was trying her best.

“I was thinking...the same thing,” Vergil nodded to Nero in appreciation and he released a long breath when his son was out of the room, leaving the three of them. Even the Yamato pulsed a little bit when he thought about her kissing him and he shook his head in spite of the ache, “Sit up...pour it.” Lifting his hand to his brother he grit his teeth when Dante grasped his wrist and hauled him up, his body lurching to the side only to be caught by the woman. Her touch set him on edge, but not out of distaste. “My shirt. I’ll bite it.” Whatever it was she gave him to cure the poison was going to make him scream.

“I can knock yo-Okay then.” Dante had to admit it was nice that Charlotte didn’t even try to persuade Vergil to do the other thing. She uncapped the vial. “Brave man.” She set the cap to the side and she scooted a little closer to Vergil. She knew this was going to hurt. He was going to drink it, it was going to taste vile, he was going to hate it and when it was also poured on his wounds with the towel and gauze he was either going to pass out or scream loudly enough to wake up the neighborhood. That shirt of his was going to get torn, undoubtedly. She swirled the vial three times in either direction and looked at Vergil squarely. Like two warriors on opposite sides of a battle. “You can swear at me, I know I’m the bitch in this scenario.” Without further ado, she helped him drink it.

Vergil expected the taste and covered his mouth as he tried not to cough and spit it out, squeezing his eyes shut and swallowing down the bile and the liquid. In the nothing that followed he grabbed his shirt, twisted it and when the first pangs of something made him double over he shoved the cloth in his mouth in time to feel burning.

Yvette returned with the items Char asked for in time to see Vergil slam his body back onto the bed which creaked ominously at the abuse. Screaming into the wad of his shirt while his hands gripped the edges. Yup. That shirt would be pieces by the end of this. “Lotty,” she whispered to get her sister’s attention, holding up the wraps and towels, “Anything else you need help with? Holding him down when you wrap him?”

Charlotte looked at Vergil who was panting, Dante was gripping his brother tightly and they both looked at each other before Charlotte shook her head. “No.” She said after a moment. “I think once we get this done, we can take watch. Make sure it doesn’t get worse or continue to spread.”

“Sounds like a plan, how long does it take?” Dante asked, carefully loosening his grip on his brother so that he could reposition himself. Charlotte carefully took the things from Yvette.

“Twenty four hours, if not a little less since he’s half-demon.” Charlotte determined. “The wound on the back is what I’m worried about most. It’s been infected and reinfected. Actually, Yvette, shove my case a little closer to the bed.”

Huffing mostly at the weight of it, Yvette did as she was told and cocked her head when Vergil screamed again, back arching and if it wasn’t for Dante she’d fear he’d snap his back in two, “I’ll get you another cloth for his forehead, a basin while I’m at it. He’s drenched.”

“You sound like a peach,” Charlotte said as she shifted through the vials a little quicker this time before picking one up. She unrolled the gauze and started to drip some onto cloth and leaned in uncomfortably close to get the wrapping around. “At least,” Charlotte said dryly, “I’m wearing a bra for this.”

Dante appreciated the humor. She was as much in an uncomfortable position as his brother and he was grateful that Charlotte knew how to work swiftly as she did carefully. His brother still writhed in pain and agony, but he still kept a firm grip so he wouldn’t ruin more of her handiwork. “This is going to take all night.” He sighed.

“I’d much rather he scream and punch than to go still and iced,” Charlotte said bluntly. “Yvette can hold him down as well as you can, but I’m pretty sure I’m pushing limits as I am.”

“You know his pride.” Dante huffed a laugh. “I didn’t realize that was infamous.”

“I have my own honor code I abide by. It drives Vet up the wall. Ask her. One time she legit threatened to shoot me over it I kid you not.”

“Oooh boy, you’re his type.” The younger twin snorted, but then had to double his grip again at another wave. “I’m a little worried about putting him on his back or even on his stomach.” He admitted. “I don’t feel like he can handle that.”

Charlotte didn’t blame him for that line of thinking. But Dante couldn’t hold him all night long and while Yvette did offer to help, Charlotte wasn’t sure if it’d make things better or not. “We have to. We’re better off keeping him from rolling off the bed than we are to restrain him. That’s wasted energy and effort.”

“Logical and precise.” Dante let out a breath. “Okay then.”

They helped each other to get Vergil to lay down, but the moment that they got him back onto his stomach, it was a hell storm. It was agony for touch, for the skin to be pulled and soon enough that antidote would stop burning and it would be numbed, hopefully drugged. Hopefully. His back needed to heal, and him writhing around wasn’t helping. She didn’t doubt that after the first hour, she’d have to change them again.

“I’ll tell Nero we’re taking watch shifts and let Vet know that too. If you’re hungry, I’m sure Kyrie can heat up whatever dinner they were having.” Dante offered as he slowly got himself untangled from Vergil’s grip and body. “She feeds an army and then some, it’s no hassle.”

Charlotte sighed, “Sure. I can’t work on an empty stomach and if there’s room to share, I’ll take it.”

“Awesome. Keep an eye out, you get first watch,” Dante patted Charlotte’s shoulder before heading down the stairs to let the group know what was going on.

“Should’ve let ‘im punch me,” was the barely audible whisper when he was well out of earshot, voice too hoarse and literally cotton-mouthed after his tattered shirt was gone.

Charlotte looked down at Vergil. “At this point in time, I don’t think you’d even know what a punch feels like.”

All he did was hum and Yvette came back in with the cloth and basin she promised a while ago, “Dante told us. I’ll bring your food up when it’s ready, yeah?”

“Sure.” Charlotte looked over at Yvette, “By the dresser thanks.” She let out a low sigh as she started to make herself comfortable on the side of the bed. “I’m good here.” She assured her sister.

“Hmm, I’m sure you are,” Yvette gave her a sly wolfish smile and easily danced away when a pillow was thrown at her, ‘kekeke’ing and tossed it back before leaving her alone with Vergil until she brought food.

“Should’ve shot her, but I don’t know if that’s worth a bullet or my sanity,” Charlotte muttered darkly as she pushed the pillow against her stomach, glaring heatedly at the door. She waited for a moment, in case her sister decided to come back. When it was clear, she set the pillow to the side and went to the basin. The water was lukewarm, which was nice. She dipped the cloth in, and wringing it out before going back to Vergil and gently swiping it across the back of his neck and his forehead, humming soft.

Sleep had nearly claimed him before he felt her gentle touches and picked up on her sweet humming. It was the same tune from before and something he didn’t cater to often, curiosity, nagged at him. Perhaps later he could ask. Instead of releasing another little hum to answer hers, Vergil heard a different noise. With his body so numb, it took a second to realize it was coming from deep, deep in his chest. Not quite human, either. If he had any strength left to care, he would be embarrassed as hell his demon was purring and trilling.

Charlotte heard it. She heard it and it made her pleased. She didn’t know much about hybrids, let alone half-demons. Yet she knew that the demons had their own little purrs and noises that they made. Animalistic as they were, they were sometimes more human than humans. To know that hybrids and half-demons could do the same thing as a regular demon, well...that was going to be her secret to keep. She hummed in tune with the purring and trilling as she wiped away the sweat, and cooled his body down. She didn’t stop humming when she put the cloth back into the basin and went back to settle on the side of the bed. She certainly didn’t stop humming until he was nice and knocked out.

[millennialdemon]

Masamune-kun’s Revenge was disappointing.

I’m all for revenge, ya know? I want more stories about revenge being celebrated and less stories where it’s some double-edged sword that ruins your life and “moving on” is the best revenge and w/e. I’m over it.

So! The title was appealing, and... well, that’s about it. You had me at revenge, and lost me at romcom. 

Masamune-kun wants to get revenge on this mean girl named Adagaki Aki, who rejected him when he asked her out when they were kids, and called him “Pig’s foot”. Forreal. You guys. He was literally a privileged little rich boy that has been bitter for years over a girl rejecting him. It’s not like she bullied him throughout childhood or there was a traumatizing event or something. 

So his revenge plan is to win her affections so that she asks him out, and he can harshly reject her.

And sometimes it seems like his ~Tragic Past~ actually does upset him, like in episode 2 where he literally ends up crying just thinking about it and what would happen if his new friends knew about his past as a Fat Loser, but? It’s still non-compelling garbage and still has entitled misogynist undertones.

There’s also this terrible characterization of Girls En Masse wherein they are mean to average guys/nerds but love/are never angry with “hot guys”. There was a scene where Masamune was watching the girls play tennis, and then they stormed out of the court to yell at an innocent “average” looking kid because he was texting someone with his phone and they accused him of taking photos (again, with the Innocent Pervert trope I hate...) while Masamune sighed in relief and got off scott free because of his Hot Boy Privilege that renders girls into puddles of cooing goop. 

You know, because girls are stupid and fickle and it’s really easy to manipulate their “cruelty”. 

Speaking of girls being fickle and cruel and easy, Adagaki Aki's characterization is an enigma to me. All the guys want to ask her out, and she does background checks on them so she can dig up dirt and publicly humiliate them in grand shows, where she gives them humiliating nicknames and ruins their reputations. She has a harem of girls keeping her company all the time and inviting her to tea and painting her nails, and it’s unclear if she cares for them at all as friends, or what. Because she treats one of them, her personal servant girl, like garbage. 

But she’s also “quirky” because she hides in a storage shed and eats a ton for lunch (uh... a pretty girl eating a lot is... funny, I guess...) and she gets flustered easily and blushes when Masamune teases her or Saves her from angry guys she rejects, so...? I don’t get it. Her “cuteness” reveals are meaningless so far and I’d rather they not exist so we can tone down the romcom and pump up the scheming but I know I’m expecting too much. 

At least Yoshino offered to help Masamune get his revenge on her, but I’m not convinced she can be trusted yet. It would be cool to get a team up happening though, but I’m inclined to believe having An Insider would be too good to be true.

[afterspark-podcast]

Let’s Play Transformers War for Cybertron, Chapter 1 Transcript

Episode

[This can also be found on AO3!]

Note: The servers on this game were shut down last month.  So if you happen to know anything about circumventing the online requirement to play co-op, please message us or leave a comment, because we're at a bit of a loss here.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello everybody, I'm Owls!

S: I'm Specs.

O: And this is my hubby, Chezni.  He's going to be joining us as we do a co-op playthrough of War for Cybertron - I think it's War for Cybertron it's not Fall for [of] Cybertron is it?  I cannot keep them straight.

S: No, no, it’s War for Cybertron.

C: Fall for Cybertron, that sounds like a dating novel.

S: Um-hmm.

O: War for Cybertron!   It says it right at the top of the window, the window is my friend.  Anyway so we're going to be a co-op- or we're gonna do a co-op playthrough of this game.  This is the first time we have tried to do a three player- three people, recording... let's play so here's hoping we don't make any hugish- er, or you know, huge mistakes here!

C: We'll clearly make many mistakes. [laughs]

O: Well, hopefully not too many.  Anyway, we are gonna be starting with the Decepticon campaign.  The way this game is set up it is split up between the Decepticon campaign and the Autobot campaign.  The Decepticon campaign comes first chronologically so we're gonna start with that.  So, as you can see on the screen right now this is who we're gonna be playing.

[OS: Character selection screen.  Characters are assigned as follows:

Chezni - Brawl

Specspectacle - Barricade

Twilight-Owls - Megatron]

O: One other caveat I need to let you guys know, is that for some ungodly reason um, every time we enter a cinematic the game jumps the volume up about 50 fucking levels.  So if that sounds kind of wonky, or ya hear a huge jump, Chezni’s gonna do is best to remove it from the actual video but that is why you might hear a volume spike.  We can't figure out why it's doing it because it seems to be something the game is doing innately.

C: It's- it's also why in- at the beginning of every cinematic all of us are going to go deaf.

O: [laughs]

C: And we won’t be able to hear each other because we're frantically going to be turning it down.

O:  Eh?  Eh?  What’d you say Chezni?  What’d ya say?  Um, I think that’s it, unless you two have anything to add.

S: You’ll get to see me be really bad at this because the last time I played a first-person shooter for any length of time was probably like, three or four years ago with TF2.  So...

O: It should shock-

S: This is going to be exciting.

O: [laughs] Uh, it should shock no one that I'm playing Megatron for every single goddamn Decepticon level I can.  So, we ready?

C: Ready.

S: I’m ready.

O: Ready your um, ready your volume... thing because it’s gonna open with a cinematic.

[OS: Owls clicks “Start Game”]

C: Right, right.

O: And uh, our ears are gonna hate us all so, here we go.

[A cinematic opens with a text crawl being narrated by Steve Blum.  Players interject over the narration.]

O: Oh hi Steve Blum.

[Narrator: Civil War has ravaged Cybertron.  Homeworld to the Transformers millions of years.  Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, recently discovered an ancient power that will give him the edge to win over the hated Autobots.]

O: Sp-

C: He does a mean Starscream.

O: Space crack. [laughs] He found space crack!

[Narrator: Called Dark Energon, this power remains locked away in an orbital station under the protection of a sky commander named, Starscream.]

O: Ehhh?

S: So is this implying that Starscream was an Autobot at one point?

[Voices cut off by various muted vocalizations of distress, as the game cuts to different cinematic.]

C: Ow!

O: I hate cinematics now. [laughs]

C: [laughs]

[A very pointy space ship flies through space shooting at various other ships, Autobots, or any other random structures in it’s way.]

S: God this-

O: This must be the Nemesis mark 0.1, or something?

S: It's the beta version.

O: Yeah.

S: Or the alpha version or something.

O: I know it's not the actual Nemesis

[We cut to the interior of the spaceship, with Megatron on the bridge and Brawl and Barricade apparently piloting.

Megatron: Hold your course!  Starscream wouldn’t fight with such desperation if the legends weren’t true.

Barricade: Lord Megatron...you’re CERTAIN it’s here?

Megatron: I AM certain Barricade.  And when I find it...the balance of this war with the Autobots will finally tip in my favor.]

O: Also, Steve Blume will be playing Barricade in this, but not Starscream, if I’m remembering properly.

S: Yeah…

[The Decepticon ship is hit by missiles.  An alarm sounds and red lights begin to flash.

Brawl: Lord Megatron!  Stabilizers are failing!

Megatron: Maintain your heading, Brawl!  Do NOT falter!

Barricade: Sublight engines are offline.  Shields at 15%!

Megatron: Reroute all power to forward guns and thrusters!  Full speed ahead!]

C: What is this, Star Trek? [laughs]

O: I mean, with giant robots, sure?

[A Decepticon grunt stands up and shouts at Megatron.

Grunt:  But sir!  That’s suicide!

He is promptly blasted into a wall by a shot from Megatron’s Fusion Cannon.

Megatron:  Any further objections?

Megatron turns back towards the bridge.

Megatron: Ram this warship straight into the heart of that station!]

O: [wheezing laughter] He’s like, “I don’t have time for this this!”

[The ship rams the station, things explode.]

S: Yay.

[Cut off by various muted vocalizations of distress, as the game swaps to gameplay, causing the volume to jump up for the players again.]

O: It- oh god dammit, holy shit!

C: [laughing]

[OS: The three player characters stand up in what remains of their ship.

Barricade:  We’re lucky to have survived that, Megatron.

Megatron: The strong survive.  The weak perish.]

S: Well that went up to like, 100!

[OS: Text on the screen reads: “New Objective: Escape the crash site,” only you know without punctuation, because games are cool like that.

Grunt: Lord Megatron!  The ships reactor core is failing -- explosion imminent!

Megatron: MOVE, Decepticons!  Double-time!

Grunt: The core’s about to detonate!

Megatron: Go!  Go!  GO!]

C: [laughs] It’s like you guys were actually being crashed into something.

O: [back to normal volume] Something like that!

[OS: Various tutorials and button hotkeys pop up on the screen and then minimize to the HUD on the right hand side of the screen.]

O: Okay, now that I have that turned down uh, I guess, let us go?

[OS: Megatron moves through the environment as various debris flies through the air.]

C: Yeah, I'll just follow you guys and I'll be back up I guess.

S: Well, I am following Owls, because... I get lost in video games.

O: As you should!  I'm playing as Megatron! [laughs]

C: Alright, I'll follow Specs.  We’ll just be a tr- a train.

O: If I remember where the hell to go.  Oh, we gotta go up here.

[OS: Megatron jumps up platforms.

Grunt: It’s falling apart!  Watch out!]

C: Specs don't die, cuz then I won't know where to go.  I'm like an ant.

S: [laughs] I’m su-

O: Chezni really does have [a] terrible sense of direction.

[Grunt: Megatron!  This way!

Grunt 2:  Over here!

In-game cinematic: The ship explodes and the path behind Barricade, Brawl, and Megatron is blocked by debris.]

O: Okay, that doesn't count as a damn cinematic!

S: So-

C: No, because it's rendered in-game.

O: Yeah, I know.

[A device on the ground transforms in front of the player group, Brawl and Barricade pull out their guns and point them at it.]

O: Everything transforms on Cybertron!

S: Technically we're not on Cybertron, and this is just a... [sighs]

[A giant hologram of Starscream appears from the transformed device.

Starscream: I am Starscream, and I have protected my station for over a thousand years!]

S: How old are you, Starscream?

[Megatron pushes Brawl and Barricade out of the way and steps forward.

Megatron: I am Megatron, leader of the Decepticons!]

O: And I have lava in my mouth.

[Note: When Megatron talks his mouth is lit in the same way as his optics, meaning it is also a deep red, lit from within.]

O and C: [laughs]

[Megatron: This space station is Decepticon property!  Surrender immediately!

Starscream: Whoever you are, you’ve traveled a long way just to meet your doom!]

S: Starscream just wants to be big all the time.

C: [laughs]

O: Oh, everybody wants to be big in this game.

S: [sighs]

O: Megatron will have a giant talking head later, I assure you.

[The giant Starscream hologram disappears and some sentry guns drop down and begin shooting at the party.

OS: Game swaps over to gameplay.  Megatron is shooting at the sentry guns with his Fusion Cannon.]

S: Am I supposed to be shooting something?  Probably yes.

[SS: Barricade is running around behind Brawl and Megatron, as the guns appear to be primarily firing on Megatron.]

O: Yes.

C: The guns on the walls.

[OS: Megatron fires on the last gun destroying it.]

O: Alright.

[OS: Another tutorial pops up for ‘Pickups’.]

O: Ugh, tutorials.  Do we need tutorials?  I don’t think we need tutorials… for the most part.

[OS: Megatron looks around the room before turning around and seeing a box.]

O: Oh look!  Ammo!

[OS: Megatron smashes the box with his energon mace and picks up the ammo.  A nearby door opens.

“New Objective, Secure the station” appears on HUD.

Grunt: Hail, Lord Megatron!]

O: That's right, bitches!

[OS: Megatron walks through the nearby door, passing by a few Decepticon grunts.

Megatron: Do not speak unless spoken to.]

S: Yay...

C: Kiss ass.

O: [laughs]

[OS: Megatron continues walking down the hallway stopping by a blue glowy box.]

O: Who needs ammo?  Er, health I guess.

[OS: Barricade comes up to the box and runs through it.]

S: Sorry, I think I took that.

O: Oh no, it’s fine.

[Grunt: Its Lord Megatron!

Megatron: The honor is all yours.]

O: Uh, there's more ammo over here, if anybody needs it.

[SS: Barricade walks up to the ammo box and moves back in forth in front of it.]

S: Which… is...?

O: Ah, hit the melee button.

S: Oh.

[SS: Barricade smashes the ammo box with his sword.]

O: There you go.

S: Ohhh-kay!

[OS: Megatron follows Brawl down a hallway towards gun fire, and the party begins shooting at the sentry guns on the walls.

Grunt: Take out those sentry guns!  They’re tearing us apart!  I HATE those sentry guns!]

O: More sentry guns.

C: I love stationary targets.

O: I mean, hey, they’re easier to hit, right?

[OS: Megatron takes several hits from one of the sentry guns.]

O: [quietly] Oh god dammit, oh!

[OS: Megatron takes cover behind a pillar and continues firing.  The party defeats the sentry guns.]

C: So, what's going on here?  Hold on, like, explain the plot to a foreigner like me.

O: Okay, okay, okay.

[OS: Owls pauses the game.]

C: Like, what is happening?

O: I paused, can you guys pause?  I was going to explain to- to Chezni-

C: No, the game doesn't pause when you pause.

[OS: Owls unpauses. And heads toward were the rest of the party have gone on ahead.]

O: Okay, interesting.

C: [laughs]

O: Um, so Megatron has basically been like, “Hey!  I heard y’all got space crack.  Let's go pick up that sweet, sweet space crack.”  Even though that makes no SENSE because in Prime clearly Dark Energon wasn't a thing he knew about already.

[OS: Megatron interacts with a device that opens a door and the party heads into the next room where some Autobots are seen running in the distance.

Autobot: There they are!  Move ahead and cut them off in Storage Area Beta!  Move!  Move!]

O: Umm... but yeah so we're- we’re getting here because apparently there's some Dark Energon and we need some sweet, sweet space crack.

C: Right, and this is the- this game is the same continuity as Prime, right?

O: APPARENTLY.  Which is why what I just said makes absolutely no sense.

S: Supposedly.  It’s supposedly in the same continuity.

[In-game cinematic: Megatron, Brawl and Barricade walk into an open area in the storage room and a group of Autobot vehicles come down a ramp before transforming into robot mode and shooting at the party.

Brawl: Oh look.  The welcome wagon.]

S: But that’s kind of garbage.

C:  Gotcha.

[SS: Barricade runs into the fight, firing on enemies.]

O: Yeah, what Specs said.

C: And- and Starscream is a- is a- an Autobot right now?

[CS: Brawl runs into the fight, firing on enemies.]

O: No, I don’t think he’s really anything?  I think he's just- he works here, basically.

C: That would hurt his feelings so much.

S: That would-

O: Like, he’s in charge of the spaceship [station].

[OS: Megatron is running around the room, looking for item boxes.

Megatron: Those fools mean to catch us in an ambush at the next door!

Barricade: Fat chance.  We can use that crane to reach the crash tunnel and flank them.]

S: He’s probably supposed to be neutral, or something?

O: Yeah, he might be a NAIL [Non-Aligned Indigenous Life-form] at this point, I really don’t know.

C: Gotcha.

[SS: Barricade walks up to a cyclone looking thing in a corner of the room, that is apparently just set dressing as it does not affect him in any way.

Brawl: Ambush their ambush, I like it!

Megatron: Find the controls to that service arm!]

S: Ohh… thingy.  Uh… E.

[SS: The screen says ‘E Interact’.

Barricade turns around and interacts with some controls that control a big arm that moves some boxes around.]

C: What's going on, Specs?

S: I found the service arm!

O: Heh. [deeper voice] GOOD JOB!

A: [laugh]

[OS: Autobots enter onto a platform higher up in the room and begin shooting at the party.]

O: I’m sorry.

C: No, what are you talking about!?  You need to do that voice through the whole thing now.

S: [laughs]

O: Oh god, and then, you only want that cuz I wouldn’t be able to talk-

C: [laughs]

O: -for like, three days! [laughs]

[OS: Megatron transforms into a tank momentarily before returning to robot mode and shooting all the enemies on the platform.

Megatron: I shall lead the way!]

S: Oh, okay. [laughs]

O: I love explosions in the morning.

C: There- there were guys up there, I saw them-

O: What guys?

C: -then they disappeared!

O: What guys?  What guys, Chezni?  What guys?

[CS: Brawl struggles to jump on some boxes, before finally reaching the top and briefly transforming into vehicle mode.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- Soundwave here.  Establishing a forward base.

Megatron: Transmit your coordinates, Soundwave -- and I want everything ready upon my arrival.]

C: Well, one of these days I'm gonna figure out how to jump.

[CS: Brawl jumps into an area that has blasts of fire periodically coming out of huge vents on the right hand side of the screen.]

S: I don't know where you guys- oh, there you are.

O: Should I wait?

[CS: Barricade jumps down beside Brawl and runs forward, stopping in front of one of the huge blasts of fire coming out of the wall.]

C: Hey Specs, why don't you go first?

S: [laughs] No thank you!

O: It’s not that hard, just time it! [laughs]

[CS: Barricade goes forward, but Brawl remains behind as another blast of fire comes out of the vent in front of him.]

C: I don't wanna, I'm scared.

O: Are you a warrior, or aren't you, you pussy? [wheezing laughter]

[CS: Brawl makes it through the fire and joins up with the rest of the group, as they continue forward.]

C: I don't know!  What's my character’s personality?

O: Oh, that’s a terrible insult.  He doesn’t have one.  [laughs]

C: [laughs]

S: Um...

O: He big, he shoot!

[OS: Megatron walks to the edge of a platform and looks down onto another room with various boxes, another Starscream hologram and several Autobots.  And then makes the mistake of picking up a Magma Frag Launcher (Mortar) off the ground and equipping it.

Autobot: Starscream! The ambush is set.  They won’t make it past us.

Starscream: I shall hold you to that soldier.

Autobot: Yes, sir!

The Starscream hologram disappears.]

S: He’s big and he’s-

C: Right, so I’m a red shirt, got it.

S: ...he's a tank.

[SS: Barricade sees a console and walks over to it.

Barricade: This is almost too easy.]

S: Ohhh… E… to interact.

[OS: Megatron is shooting the mortar, ineffectively.]

S: Ohh… I got… a thing?

[OS: Megatron shoots a mortar round right in front of himself and then backs up until after the mortar explodes.]

O:  Oops, ahh… that is not where I wanted that to go.

[CS: Brawl is high up inside some of sort open vaguely bridge-like structure shooting down at the Autobots below.]

C: I'm just up here in a bridge I don't… see like, any enemies.

S: Because you’re not in the right spot-

O: Where are you?

C: I'm in a ceiling bridge!

O: How.

[SS: Barricade is shooting enemies from his and Megatron’s vantage point.]

C: I don't know else to describe it.

[(COM) Soundwave: Alert -- hostiles inbound!

Brawl: There they are!

Megatron: Crush them!]

O: Oh my god!  Okay, that’s [the mortar] just, it's completely useless from this angle apparently.

[OS: Megatron jumps up and begins floating in the area with his special ability, while continuing to ineffectively shoot the mortar.

New Objective: Meet Soundwave at the Forward Base.]

O:  [Huffs] I hate grenade launchers.

[CS: Brawl jumps down from the ceiling bridge, getting hit by Autobot bullets while he’s falling.]

C: So we're literally just here to-

O: Get space crack.

C: To- to take Dark Energon?

O: Yes.  To get space crack.

C: Okay, and we're just murdering everyone on this ship [station], cuz we don’t care?

[OS: Megatron is at ground level, shooting at Autobots before going down.]

[Note:  Once a character is downed, the party has a certain amount of time to get to them and revive them before they self destruct and the party must restart from a checkpoint.]

O: Argh!  Dammit.  Uh, somebody could- if uh, something could, you know, revive your amazing leader, that would be great.

[CS: Brawl moves across the room to get to Megatron.]

C: Of course, it would be my-

S: I don’t know where you are?

[SS: Barricade runs down a ramp, Brawl and Megatron are nowhere in sight.]

O:  I’m…. gonna die.

C: It would be my- oh no!

[OS: Megatron is still collapsed on the floor, Brawl approaches but gets shoot and collapses just before reaching Megatron.]

O: [laughs and thumps desk]

C: I’ve failed you my liege.

O: Everybody die now!

C: All right, Specs, it's all up to you!

[CS: A collapsed Brawl shoots at enemies before getting a “Mission Failed Screen”.]

O: Oh god.

C: Oh gosh.

[OS: Owls selects, “Restart From Last Checkpoint”.]

O: Okay, restart the last checkpoint, that sounds good.  Somebody else-

C: That was how it could have happened!

O: [laughs] Yeah.  Somebody else grab that fucking thing right there, because I am not good with it, okay.  I'm like really bad with it.

C: Oh, what is it?

[OS: The party spawn in the area immediately after the walls spouting fire and are up on the ledge overlooking the room with the Autobots below.  Brawl walks over and picks up the mortar launcher.]

C: Oh gosh, it's a grenade launcher.

O: Yes!  It’s what I was complaining about.

[OS: The scene plays out as before.

Autobot: Starscream! The ambush is set.  They won’t make it past us.

Starscream: I shall hold you to that soldier.

Autobot: Yes, sir!]

C: I hate grenade launchers.

S: I don’t know what I’m supp- ohhh~

[OS: The party kills the first wave of Autobots.  Brawl has jumped off the platform Megatron and Barricade are on.

(COM) Soundwave: Alert -- hostiles inbound!]

O: There's my baby.

[CS: New Objective: Meet Soundwave at the forward base.

Brawl: There they are!

Megatron: Crush them!]

C: So, I'm confused.  You can pick up things from the bodies but you don't... what do the- what does it do?

[OS: Megatron is standing on the ledge shooting at the Autobots below.]

O: I... I'm not really sure?  I don't know if sometimes it's health, or if it's money, or what the deal is.

C: I feel like it's money.

O: I don't remember.

[Note: In campaign mode the enemy drops are apparently Energon, which helps refill your skills, but in multiplayer escalation (battle) mode the drops are money.]

[SS: Barricade is running around on the ground shooting at Autobots before being shot at by an Autobot on a platform and collapsing.]

S: Oh, I'm- I'm dead.

C: Oh shoot, I got ya.

[CS: Brawl runs towards Barricade, dodging the same Autobot on the platform.]

O: Okay.

[OS: Megatron is taking cover behind a crate, and shoots the offending platform Autobot with his Fusion Cannon.]

C:  Hang in there uh… other Decepticon guy!  ...Barricade!

[SS: Barricade is back on his feet.]

S: Yup.

[OS: Megatron is returning fire with an Autobot and runs out of Fusion Cannon ammo.  He transforms into a tank and moves around the crate and blasts the Autobot.]

O: Dammit.

S:  Where’s the heal?  I need the heals!

O: I need to heal and I need ammo,

[Megatron: Bow in the presence of Megatron!

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron.  We await your arrival.]

C: Oh, I think I found some ammo.

O: Oh, there’s health!  I need health, I’m gonna take this.

[OS: Megatron walks over to a health chest and busts it open, picking up the health.]

S: Take the health, oh..

[SS: Barricade begins shooting at some Autobots in a hallway behind the now opened door.]

O: I also am completely out of ammo, which is way I had picked up the grenade launcher, because Megatron has like very, very, few shots.

[CS: Brawl transformers in his car mode and continues to fire on the Autobots, killing all of them with his tank alt’s more powerful gun.]

S: Is this something I can shoot at?

O: Good question, also- do you guys see any ammo?

C:  I...I don't at the moment.  There's a thing with a little-- what the!?!

[SS: The party enters the door and a giant holographic Starscream appears in the center of the room.

Starscream: Megatron!  I though you’d be scrap metal by now.  Your survival… intrigues me.]

O: That’s health.

S: Yeah, that’s the heals.

O: So, somebody should grab that because I’m full-

[OS: The party makes their way through the room, Megatron stops near a health box.

Megatron: I shall not be denied, Starscream.  Surrender your Dark Energon program to me immediately!]

C: I've got two bars.  Specs, what's your health?

S: I'm fully healed right now.  I think this is ammo?

O: AMMO!

[OS: Megatron smashes an ammo box.

Starscream: Dark Energon…?  Are you MAD?  Dark Energon brings only death and chaos!]

C: What is Starscream yelling about?

S: I stopped caring.

C: [laughs]

O: Dark Energon. Space crack.  He’s yelling about space crack guys, obviously.

[OS: The party enters a hallway, and sentry guns begin to fire on them.

Megatron: I am COUNTING on it.

Brawl: Megatron -- when this is over, can I rip off Starscream’s head and boot it into space?  Please?]

C: [laughs]

S: I think that's your character.

C: I think you're right.  I’m apparently a brute.

[Megatron: Patience, Brawl.  Starscream knows this station inside and out.  He may yet be of use to us.]

S: Yes, I mean you’re a tank.

[SS: Barricade moves towards some Autobots that have entered the far side of the hallway and continues shooting.  He is then joined by Brawl in tank mode.]

O: Oh, that's fine, you just be functionist!  All tanks are brutes are they?  [She says, playing the franchise’s main villain, who is also frequently (not to mention currently), a tank.]

C and S: [laugh]

C: Wha- functionist!?!

O: I'm not kidding, it's a term in the comics.  I'm not pulling it out of nowhere.

C: [laughs]

S: Yeah.

C: Is that like the equivalent of a racist?

[SS: The party jumps up some platforms and enter another hallway.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron.  Your command post is 83.4% complete.

Megatron: I expect done when I arrive, Soundwave!]

O: Yes, only it's like, “Oh, you're a car you can only do X, Y, and Z.”

C: But it's kind of true isn’t it?

O: NO, shut up.

[OS: Megatron smashes and ammo box and the party is fired on by another sentry gun.]

C: Like, if you’re tank you can't be an F1 racer.

O: Well, yeah to a certain point, but saying a tank can't be a doctor is kind of a shitty statement.

[OS: Autobots begin running into the hallway, Megatron takes them out.]

C: Gotcha.

S: Yeah.  Mostly my comment was just that, Brawl is a tank.  That is... what he is, and he's a very gruff-

C: Wait-

[CS: Brawl follows behind Barricade.]

C: Specs, that's you, right?

S: Yes.

C: Wait I’m like-

S: ~ Ohhh!

[CS: Barricade runs towards a glowy thing and stops in front of it.]

C: You're like half my size!

S: Yes!  I’m a car!

[OS: Megatron is standing at the other end of the hallway.  He turns around and heads towards where Barricade and Brawl are standing before stopping next to Brawl.]

O: Where are you two? [laughs] “Yes!  I’m a car!”  Guess what!?!  I am taller than all of you!

S: ~ Ohhh!

C: Wait, you are?

[OS: Megatron and Brawl stand next to each other so they can compare their heights.]

O: I think... we might be close to the same siz- the same height, actually.

C: Alright.

O: We’re both tanks.

[OS: Megatron begins running back towards the end of the hallway.]

S: You guys are similar in size, yes.

C: I didn’t realize I was so big!

O: But I’m fucking Megatron.  Also, there’s health.

[OS: Megatron walks up to health box before walking towards the edge of the platform the hallway opened onto.

Barricade:  Wow… that’s a pretty long drop.

Megatron:  Jump you fool!  There is nowhere to go but down!]

C: Oh, I don't need it.

S: I’m- I could use health or ammo, so…

C: I'm at full health.

[SS: Barricade smashes the health box and turns back to Megatron and Brawl.]

O: Alright, jump you fools!

C: I…

O: I don’t know how this works, but here we go!

C:  You shall not pass?

[SS: Megatron jumps off the platform, Brawl and Barricade follow shortly after.]

C: “Fly you fools!”  That's what it is.

[OS: Megatron falls from a large distance and lands heavily, on one knee as the ground/camera shakes.

Barricade: But...Megatron...how do we get out?]

O: Pfft, oh my god, he even did the landing he does in Prime.

S:  Ammo...where’s the ammo?

O: There is no ammo.

[OS: The party wanders around the open room, looking for boxes.

Autobot: The intruders are here!  Call in the reinforcements!]

S: Well, I see heals.

O: There’s only explosions.

[CS: Brawl walks towards one of the two big mounted turrets in the middle of the room.]

C: There’s a huge gun in the middle of the room!

O: Oh yeah!  You can use that, I think.

C: You're right, you can!

[CS: Brawl steps into the turret.]

S: Oh no, there is ammo.

C: Holy-

O: S’cuse me!

[CS: Megatron steps into the other turret, and Brawl begins shooting at the Autobots who have entered the room on an upper level.]

C: This thing has infinite bullets.

[Megatron: Decepticons, mount those turrets!  We’ll cut them down with their own weaponry!]

S: Oh!

[SS: Barricade walks up to one of the occupied turrets.]

S: Oh...

C: It’s actually-

O: You can detach the turrets, um...

C: Yeah, you can rip them off.

O: But they will have limited ammo after that.

[OS: Megatron shoots at the Autobots on the upper level from the turret.]

C: Oh, okay.  That makes sense.

[SS: Barricade engages with Autobots who have reached the ground level the party is on.]

C: This must be... awful when the other people manning the guns are computers.

O: It is!

C: [laughs]

O: Speaking from experience, it truly is!  They’re idiots.

S: Well, neither am-

O: Like, I literally was doing everything myself.  This is already infinitely better.

C: Wait- wait- wait, can I ask a completely valid question?  Why did the Autobots install giant guns that point at their own doors?

O: Uh, I think they were expecting an attack from a different direction?  I don't know.  They’re idiots, okay?

C: That’s- that's tragic.

[OS: The enemies are finally defeated, and a door is open on the other side of the room where the Autobots entered.

Megatron: The fools gave us our exit!  Onward!  Through that door!]

C: I'm gonna rip this thing off.

[CS: Brawl rips off the turret and begins slowly walking towards the open door.]

O: You will walk super slow.  Just warning you.

S: I’m out of ammo, so I'm hoping that there's ammo... of some variety... over here... somewhere.

O: I will take this health however, smash!

[SS: Barricade runs down the hallway, in the distance Megatron smashes a health box with his mace.]

O: Smash!  [quietly]  Is this the way…?  Door’s not opening, alright.

[OS: Megatron walks up to a door that does not open and turns around, walking back towards Barricade, before transforming into tank mode.]

C: Oh, Specs is charging in.

[SS: Barricade runs into a room before the rest of the group and begins taking fire.]

S: Oh!  Whoops, okay.  [laughs]

C: No, I thought you were leading the charge!  Don’t say whoops!

S: [laughs]

C: Say something heroic!

S: I want ammo.  There’s ammo!

[SS: Barricade walks up a ramp and runs over to some ammo behind some boxes.]

O: Yes, as we play the bad guys.

[OS: Megatron walks up the ramp and gets hit with a missile.]

O: Ow, that was missile.

S: Wah!

O: Who shot me with a missile?

[OS: Megatron shoots two Autobots on the platform across the room before turning to his left and sniping a kill from Barricade just before he hit the enemy with his sword.]

S: Oh…

[OS: The party follows the platforms up and through a door into another hallway.

Autobot:  Fall back!  Fall back!

They meet one lonely Autobot who is promptly killed by Megatron and Barricade, and they round the corner into the Forward Base.

Grunt 1:  Area is secured, Megatron!

Megatron: Excellent!

S: Oh, it’s vehicon time.

[Grunt 2: Hail, Lord Megatron!

Grunt 3: It’s an honor to serve you, Lord Megatron!

OS: They enter the base they pass by several Decepticon grunts standing guard and Autobot prisoners being led away in chains.]

C: Are we taking prisoners?

O: Yup.

S: Apparently, yes.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- I have unlocked the lift controls.  Your command center awaits at the top.

CS: Brawl walks over to a group of Autobot prisoners and stomps, causing them all to explode.]

C: Oh!  Uh… you can kill them, careful.

[OS: Megatron gets on a lift, Brawl and Barricade teleport to the location as the lift begins going up.]

O: [snorts]

S: The prisoners?

C: Yes.

O: You’re the one who tried to do it!

C: I just went over to bunch of them and stomped on them and they all died.

O: Why are you like this?

C: I just was curious!

[OS: Through the space station glass we see Jetfire and two Autobots fly up and transform.

Jetfire: My name is Jetfire.  I’m not here to fight.]

O: Jetfire!

[Megatron:  That makes ONE of us.  Speak your piece -- quickly.

Jetfire:  I’ve seen the horrors of what Dark Energon can do, Megatron -- it is not to be trifled with!  Its power is too unstable...to use it would mean disaster!]

C: Wait, these are good guys?

O: Well, yeah, but we’re not ‘good guys’.

S: We’re the bad guys.

C: Right, sorry, I meant ‘bad’ as in ‘good’, ugh.

O: [laughs]  Enemies, enemies is a good word, honey. [laughs]

C: Right.

O: [laughs harder]

S: Opposition.

[Megatron: You cannot frighten me, Jetfire.  I will use Dark Energon as I please.

Jetfire: Then you are a short sighted fool.  You’ll kill us all!]

O: [banging is heard in the background as Owls thumps her desk for emphasis] If I want to snort space crack-

C: [laughs]

O: I will SNORT SPACE CRACK!

S: [laughs]

[OS: Jetfire and the other Autobots transform and fly off as the lift reaches its destination.

Megatron:  You say that as if it were a bad thing.

Barricade: I hope this Dark Energon stuff is worth it, Megatron.]

O: Pfft- [dissolves into laughter]

C: This is just one giant drug run for Megatron.

O: [thumps desk] IT IS!!!  Tell me I’m wrong, man, but it is!  Alright-

S: No, you’re right-

[In-game cinematic: The party steps off the elevator and into the base of operations Soundwave has set up.

Megatron:  Soundwave, report!

Soundwave:  We have taken control of this portion of the station and established your base of operations.]

O: Soundwave!  Also, not a cinematic, thank fuck. [laughs]

S: Yeah, god my character’s so tiny…

O: Soundwave!  My baby.

S: Barricade- Barricade is so tiny compared to everyone else.

[Soundwave is typing on a holo screen he’s in front of as Megatron steps up beside him.

Soundwave: Scans indicate that Starscream has locked down all logical routes to the Dark Energon reactor.]

O: Then make some illogical ones!

[Barricade ribs Brawl.

Barricade: Huh--and we’re fresh out of Star Cruisers to tunnel our way.

Soundwave continues to work on the holo screen in front of him as Megatron turns and paces while glaring at Barricade.

Megatron: Quiet.  There must be another access point… We have to reach the station’s next pod!

Soundwave points at the screen.

Soundwave:  Megatron -- I have located a nearby Dark Matrix Center to reveal any alternate means of entry to the next pod.  Advanced teams have already been sent to clear your path.

Megatron: Then we have no time to waste.

New Objective: Secure the Station Schematics.]

C: Meanwhile, Soundwave still being the brains of the operation.

[OS: Megatron runs down the hallway indicated by Soundwave.  He passes by several wounded Decepticons.]

O: Well, obviously, he’s the best Decepticon.

S: Yeah.

[Wounded Grunt: Uggggh, I think I’m going offline.

Barricade: These soldiers look pretty banged up.

SS: Barricade is standing in the base of operations before suddenly teleporting to the hallway Megatron is in.  He turns around and see the door, which as closed behind them.]

S: Ahh…

[Megatron: Unacceptable.  They should be victorious, or dead.]

O: Hi!  I’m an asshole!

[Grunt:  They’re putting up a good fight, alright.

Megatron:  Then put up a better fight!

SS: Barricade suddenly teleports again, this time onto a lift with Megatron and Brawl.]

C: What the-?  We keep teleporting because Megatron's walking through to things.

[SS: The lift begins going up.]

O: That's right, bitches!

C: It’s very disorienting.

O: [laughs]  And now you’re here!

S: I was hoping I’d be able to find some ammo.

O: Oh...sorry.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- be aware that you face overwhelming odds against Starscream’s soldiers.  It is statistically unlikely that your advance teams can defeat all of them.  I shall await your word that you have reached the Data Matrix Center.]

C: Are you out uh, Specs?

S: I'm close to being out.

C: Can I-

O: I don’t have very much.

[CS: The party exits the left and walks down a hallway before running into a large group of Autobots.]

C: Can I drop guns?  I would give you the grenade launcher if I can.

S: It’s okay I'm going to-

[SS: Barricade runs up and slashes an Autobot with his sword.]

O: I think it's more dangerous for me to have the grenade launcher, that's why I said take it.

C: Ha!

S: I wanna sta-

O: It's like every time, I don't know why.  I'm just terrible with it.

S: I just want to stab. [laughs]

C: [laughs]

[SS: Barricade turns into another hallway and is fired on by Autobots before being downed.]

O: I want to stab.

C: I'm a talking car!  I want to do what I want.

O: I want to stab.

S: [laughs]

[OS: Megatron takes out the three Autobots firing on the party while Brawl runs up to Barricade and begins to revive him.]

S: I’m also dying.  Oh...

C: Don’t worry, we got ya.

[OS: Barricade is back up and the party continues to fire on the opposing Autobots.]

O: It’s fine, Chezni’s just gonna be our- our healer, I think.

C: I usually end up playing that when I’m playing multiplayer games.

O: Do- do you want me to be the healer?  I think the answer is no.

[OS: Barricade runs into the group of Autobots and goes down.]

S: I died again.

[CS: Brawl runs up to Barricade and revives him.  The gunfight continues.]

O: You've got to stop exploding.

S: [laughs]  Yeah… ohhh.

C: So Specs, when you come back, how much health do you have?

S: Uh, teeny- teeny sliver.

C: Oh, just the one [bar]?

S: Yes.

C: Okay.

O: Argh, I'm out [of ammo]!  Alright.

S: Alright, I need the heals.  Give me the heals.  Where are-

[SS: Barricade runs forward, gets shot by the Autobots and downed.]

O: Uh, there's a blue cube over there that I think is health?

S: Oh, okay, well, I’m dead again.

[SS: Brawl runs up to Barricade and revives him.]

O: Okay, thank you.

C: [laughs] Those Autobots just stood there and let me pick Specs- oh shoot!

[SS: Brawl takes several shots to the face and goes down.]

C: Now I’m down.

S: How do I revive you!?

C: Hold E.

S: I'm holding E!

[OS: Barricade is trying to revive Brawl, while Megatron is in tank mode sliding from side to side shooting the Autobots on the other end of the hallway.]

C: You gotta- you gotta go over until it says “Hold”-

S: Oh.

[OS: Brawl is back on his feet.]

C: I got a little scared there!  I was very close to dying! [laughs]

[OS: Megatron runs out of tank ammo and transforms back into robot mode.]

O: I’m completely out of damn ammo!

S: Ohh!  Okay, I’ve got-

C: I’m just like, “Specs, you wouldn’t leave me to die, right?  Specs?”

S: [laughs] I’ve got ammo again, somehow.

O: Oh my goddddd.

[SS: Barricade goes down.]

S: Sorry, we’re dead, I guess?

C: No, no we're not!  We're gonna rescue him!

[CS: Brawl runs forward towards Barricade before going down almost immediately.]

C:  Gah, just- just kidding, Specs.

O: You guys are killing me.

S: [laughs]

[CS: Megatron runs up to Brawl and begins to revive him.]

C: Rescue Specs first!

O: Oh right!

C: She's gonna die first!

[OS: Megatron runs over to Barricade and revives him.]

C: I've got 600 seconds er, 600, 500, 400, okay.  Thank you.

[OS: Megatron runs over to Brawl and revives him.]

O: You're welcome!  I have no ammo, and very little health!

C: All right.

O: Protect your glorious leader.

S: [laughs]

[SS: Barricade is out in front of the group shooting the Autobots.]

C:  Wait, wait, wait!  We've got bullets in vehicle mode, right!?!

[CS: Brawl transforms and maneuvers around some boxes to get a clear shoot at the Autobot soldiers.]

O: Yes, and I used all those!

C: Oh...Specs have you used your vehicle mode bullets?

S: No… I’m also dead again.

[CS: Barricade goes down and Megatron runs over and begins to revive him.  Brawl gets shot by the Autobots and begins to move back towards the group before getting shot by a mounted gun and falling down.]

C: Oh crap, so am I.

[CS: Megatron, still trying to revive Barricade goes down.]

O: Arrrgh!  Dammit.

[OS: Mission Failed screen appears.  Owls selects Restart From Last Checkpoint.]

C: Ah, man, that’s tough!

O: It’s fine!  We’ll restart from our checkpoint with hopefully ammo.

[OS: The party respawns in the room with Soundwave.  Megatron begins moving towards the hallway.]

S: That’s-

C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this time give us a moment before- before moving on.

O: Yeah, sorry.

C: No, it’s okay.

[Brawl: I can use this!]

O: I didn’t see any…

S: Alright, you guys have full health?

O: Yes.

C: No.

O: Oh, my bad.

S: Cuz there’s a health thing over here, I’m- I’ve got-

[OS: Megatron walks up to a chest with a crosshair on it.]

O: I think this is ammo.

C: Oh, I don’t need it if it’s ammo.

S: I’ve got three bars.

O: Specs, I think this is ammo.

S: Well, I mean I'm literally sitting here looking at a thing of health, if someone needs it-

O: Well, take it, I don’t need it, and I don’t think Chezni-

C: I need it.

O: Oh.

[OS: Brawl runs over to a health chest and smashes it open.]

C: If you don’t need it.

S: I've got three bars, so yes, Chezni, you can have it.

C: Thank you.

S: You’re welcome.  Um, and I think I’m good on ammo right now.

O: Oh, good because I definitely need some.

[OS: Megatron smashes the chest with the crosshair.]

C: It looks- it looks like there are grenades here-

O: OH NO, IT’S A GUN!

[OS: Megatron picks up an Energon Battle Pistol (5x Scope).]

O: Oh, thank fuck- oh my god it’s a sniper rifle!   I’m so ~happppy!~ [laughs] I have one goal in life, and that is to be a sniper rifle person. [sniffs] That was the dumbest way to say that, let’s go.

A: [laugh]

[OS: Megatron runs down the hallway towards the lift, and sees an EMP Shotgun off to the side.]

C: A sniper-

O: There’s a- oh Chezni, there’s a SHOTGUN!

C: Wait, what?

[Wounded Grunt: Uggggh, I think I’m going offline.

Barricade: These soldiers look pretty banged up.]

O: Shotgun, right there, take it.

[Megatron: Unacceptable.  They should be victorious, or dead.]

C: Where?

O: Right here!   Where I’m dancing around!

[CS: Brawl turns around and runs down the hallway towards where Megatron is running back in forth around the shotgun.

Grunt:  They’re putting up a good fight, alright.

Megatron:  Then put up a better fight!]

C: That’s where I was walking and you yelled-

O: Shotgun, shotgun!

[CS: Brawl stops in front of the gun Megatron is still dancing around.]

C: Oh, but I- yeah, um, Spec- um, ah, yeah.

O: You’ll keep the one your have, uh, for me it’s ‘Y’ to swap between the two, so I still have my Fusion Cannon and-

C: Hey Specs, come here and grab the Neutron Assault Rifle.

S: Oh sorry, I-

[BS: Barricade runs up and grabs the gun.]

C: Oh shoot!  No, I dropped the rifle so now Specs has two machine guns!

O: Oops.

C: I meant to drop the grenade launcher!

S: Oh…

O: I do not remember if you can drop anything else but at least you have double the ammo, I think?

C: That's true.

O: I think that's how that works?

[Note: It’s not, if you pick up the same gun twice it just refills your ammo.]

S: I don't know how to drop things, uh…

O: I don’t remember.

C: We don't think you can.

O: Um, okay, are we good?  Is that everything?

[OS: Megatron runs down the hallway to same lift as before.]

S: I- I’m good.

O: We got health, and ammo, I have a sniper rifle.  I'm so happy right now. [laughs]

S: I think I have-

C: Yeah, I think I’m good.

S: I think I have grenades.

O:  Just be careful to not explode yourself.  I... should not have grenades there's a reason I should not have grenades.

[OS: Megatron activates the lift.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- be aware that you face overwhelming odds against Starscream’s soldiers.  It is statistically unlikely that your advance teams can defeat all of them.  I shall await your word that you have reached the Data Matrix Center.]

C: You can throw grenades with ‘G’, Specs.

S: Oh, okay.

O: Don't do it here though!

A: [laugh]

S: I wasn't going to!

O: I didn't know that!

C: The rare moment where you see fear on Megatron's face.

S: [laughs]

[OS: The party disembarks from the lift and runs down a hallway, smashing or shooting several Autobots before reaching the room they had previously died in.]

S: Oh.

[OS: Megatron takes cover behind a box and begins shooting the distant Autobots with the sniper rifle.]

S: Oh, that is not what I wanted to do, okay.

[CS: Brawl runs into the group of Autobots, spinning around and taking out two before swapping to his shot gun and taking out another.]

S: Time to be a car!

C: Yeah, being a car sounds like a good idea right now.

[SS: Barricade moves forward shoots Autobots with machine gun fire while in car mode.]

C: Ah, there's health over here.

S: Yes.

[SS: Off to the right of the screen there’s an explosion right next to the health box.]

S: And ammo.

[OS: Megatron continues to shoot enemies with the sniper rifle, before swapping to shooting the sentry guns that have come out of the wall.  Off to the left, Barricade reverses backwards very quickly to get away from the Autobots and the guns that are shooting at him.]

S: Nyahhh!

O: Pfft. [laughs]

S: Health, health, health, health!

[CS: The energon cube in front of Megatron is picked up by Barricade.  Megatron falls back towards Brawl’s position.]

O: Ugh, is the ammo still there?

S: No.

O: It's okay, I still have all of my Fusion Cannon shots.

[CS: Brawl and Barricade move forward and get shot by the sentry guns.  Brawl retreats, but Barricade falls down.]

S: I'm out.

[OS: Megatron runs over to Barricade and revives him, while taking multiple shoots from the sentry guns, before moving back behind cover.]

O: Move.

[OS: Barricade gets up, stands still, then tries to run forward before falling down again.]

S: Oh... god damn it.

[OS: From behind cover Megatron fires on the sentry guns, destroying the two on the right.  Brawl runs around firing in the general direction of the guns while not really hitting them.]

C: Okay, I think I took out the sentry guns.

S: Uh, Chezni, could you… or someone?

[OS: Megatron runs over to Barricade and revives him.]

C: Oh, shoot, sorry.

O: And is the health still there?

C: Uh… I-

S: I don’t think so- ah.

[OS: Megatron runs over to where the energon cube had been prior, and upon not seeing it, heads towards the end of the hallway the Autobots had been guarding.]

O: It’s fine- just thought I’d ask.

[CS: Brawl uses his feet thrusters to jump down the hallway, stopping in front of an ammo box.]

S: I think we all could use-

O: Ah!  AMMO!

[CS: Megatron runs up to the ammo box.  Brawl walks past further down the hallway, where a health box is visible.]

O: Can I have this?

C: I don’t need it.

S: There's also health up there, so…

O: Uh, I only have one bar do-

S: Go for it.

C: I think we all only have one bar.

O: Okay.

S: So just go for it.

O: No, I'm standing in the back- somebody else in front take that.

[CS: Brawl smashes a weapon box and finds a Neutron Assault Rifle.  He picks it up, dropping the shotgun.]

C: Uh… Neutron Assault Rifle-

S: Okay.

[SS: Barricade slashes the health box open and picks up the energon inside.]

C: -what's that?

[SS: Barricade runs over to a console next to a door.]

S: ~Oh!  There's a thing I can interact with, I think?

C: Yeah!  Go ahead-

O: Wait!  Do you want this gun?  It's a shotgun.

S: Um…

[SS: Barricade turns around, Brawl and Megatron are running around a little further back.]

O: I don't.  I was asking-

S: Where’s the gun?

C: It’s right here.

[SS: Brawl moves forward to where the gun is, Barricade walks over and picks it up.]

S: Oh, um…

O: It's up to you!

S: Okay.  Alrighty, thank you.

[OS: Megatron activates the panel, opening the door.]

C: [laughs] We're the most polite, cooperative, Decepticons.

O: Right?

S: [laughs]

O: Except when I'm like, “Bow to your glorious leader!” [laughs]

C: And shooting the people with fear.

[In-game cinematic: The party enters a room where boxes are coming out of the floor and being moved around by large claws from the ceiling.  They are shoot at by an Autobot, who brings up a forcefield in front of him.]

O: Ugh, fucking barrier guys.  Okay.

[OS: Megatron takes cover behind a box and kills the barrier Autobot once he drops his shield a few times.]

S: Oh...okay.  Um...

[SS: Barricade shoots an Autobot with his shotgun.]

O: I thought there was another barrier guy- there he is, okay.

[SS: Barricade walks up a ramp and takes out an Autobot who lets out a very loud death cry as he explodes.]

O: Pfft, okay, well, that was a death cry for the ages.

C: [laughs] Yeah, I heard that one.

[SS: Barricade interacts with a console and bridge is formed, spanning the upper level of the room the party is in.]

S: [quietly] Okay.

O: Are you alright?  Still alive?

S: Yeah, um.

[CS: Brawl runs up the ramp, and throws some grenades across the bridge into a group of Autobots.

Brawl: There’s plenty more where that grenade came from.  Not as satisfying as melee, but gets the job done!]

O: Oh shut up. [laughs]

[SS: Barricade shoots an Autobot, who falls over and makes an even goofy sounding death cry than the last one.]

S: I-

O: [imitating Autobot] Warrrgh!

[SS: Barricade shoots another Autobot in the crotch until he dies.]

S: I think I was shooting him in the crotch.

O: [snorts] I’m telling ya, that’s- that's the weakness of all Cybertronians.

C: I knew it.

A: [laugh]

O: Okay, there’s ammo down there, anybody need ammo?

[OS: Megatron walks over to the ledge and sees an ammo chest on the ground floor of the room they’re in.]

C: I'm good.

S: I think I'm good for now.

O: Give me just a second then.

[OS: Megatron jumps off, transforming in tank mode momentarily before returning to robot mode and smashing the chest with his energon mace.]

S: Also there's heals.

O: I got- I healed- oh!

[OS: Megatron is suddenly transported into a hallway behind Brawl and Barricade.]

S: Wow, I teleported.  That is disorienting.

C: Right?

O: I'm fully healed, so whatever you guys need.

[Barricade: These Cubes seem terribly outdated.

Megatron: This entire station was created over 10,000 years ago.  Much of its technology is antiquated--and inefficient.  I look forward to updating it.]

S: I've got three bars at the moment, so how about you, Chezni?

C: I’ve got one.

S: So, take it Chezni.

C: Uh-hm, got it.

S: Also this is-

O: Ammo there.

[OS: Megatron walks down the hallway, and turns towards a ammo stash before continuing on.]

S: ...ammo?

C: I don't need any ammo.

S: Do you-

O: And another weapon.

[OS: Megatron passes a weapon box, and stops, waiting on Brawl and Barricade to finish sorting out who gets what.]

S: I guess I took the thing [ammo].

[OS: Barricade walks over and smashes the weapon box.]

O: I have exactly the weapons I want, so I'm good.

C: Which one is that one?

S: I don’t think I can pick up anything else.

O: Ah, you'll drop one.  Whatever one you have equipped you'll drop, so if there's more than one-

C: No, Specs is right.  This one is glitched, we can't interact with it.

O: Oh, maybe... maybe it's cuz you already have one?  Cuz I can.

[OS: Megatron walks over to the gun and sees the, “Hold E for Neutron Assault Rifle,” text.]

S: Maybe.

C: Oh.  Yeah, I can't.  Huh, interesting.

[OS: The party continues down the hallway until they come across a door that opens up.  Autobots on the other side begin shooting at them.]

S: Oh.  Eep!  Ep-ep-ep.

[SS: Barricade runs in and fires on the Autobots, getting shot at.  The Autobots in the main part of the room are taken out by the party.]

C: That's it, I'm running in!

[CS: Brawl dashes into the room.]

C: Oh.  There's no one here!

[CS: Brawl runs around the outskirts of the room, there are no Autobots in sight.]

S: Uh, I think you might be the wrong place, because where I'm at it definitely has people!

[CS: Brawl comes across Barricade who’s being shot at by an Autobot.]

C & S: [laugh]

C: That sounds about- that sounds about how things usually go with me.

[CS: Brawl jumps around, landing on the second floor of the room, which… has no Autobots in sight.]

O: Chezni is lost, yet again.

S: [laughs]

C: I can’t find anyone!

S: You’re upstairs, Chezni.

O: It’s because me and Chezni- er, me and Specs killed everybody, dummy!

[CS: Brawl continues to jump about, finally getting back on the 1st floor with the rest of the party.]

S: You were upstairs Chezni.

O: Lost.  The word you're looking for is lost.

C: Yeah, secured the perimeter!

O: Oh, shut up.

C & O: [laugh]

O: Nothing here?

[OS: Megatron jumps down from on top of the one of the computer terminals around the room.

Megatron: Soundwave!  We’ve located the holomap -- I’m sending the data to you now.]

S: Well, I interacted with the thingy.  I don’t know…

[OS: Megatron looks up a holomap of the station that’s been generated in the upper area of the room.  A double hologram of Starscream appears on either side of it.

Starscream: Megatron!  You may have gotten this far, but you’ll never get your hands on the Dark Energon!]

O: So many Starscreams…

C: He’s just pent up isn’t he?

O: They-

S: He just wants to be tall.

O: They both are. [laughs]

[Megatron: Starscream… this acrimony is needless.  I know who you once were.  Sky Commander, and that you were betrayed.  With Dark Energon, I shall return Cybertron to its former glory -- and you to yours -- IF you agree to serve me.]

C: It looks like there's some health here, if anyone needs it.

S: Um, I could use some, where are you?

[CS: Brawl jumps down from one of the computer terminals, landing next to a cube of Energon.]

C: I’m at full, I’m over here.

[CS: Brawl begins moving back forth beside the energon cube.]

S: Sorry, I just don’t- oh, there you are, okie-dokie.

[SS: Barricade walks over to where Brawl is dancing around.]

C: It's that little cube.

S: Okie-dokie, thank you.

[SS: Barricade picks up the cube, turns around and spots another.]

S: Oh, there's more!

[Starscream: You’re a fool!  No one can control Dark Energon!]

O: Call it space crack, that’s what it is.

S: There's people.  Sorry, I'm... slightly lost, okay.

[CS: Brawl jumps to the second floor and takes out a barrier Autobot.  He runs into the hallway behind the Autobot, but a door opens up and more Autobots run in and begin to fire on him.]

C: Oh, jeez! They're coming in through the doors!

[CS: Brawl takes out the group of Autobots with the mortar.]

S: Oh.  Doors, okay.

O: Oh my god.

S: Uh… I don’t know where you guys are now.

[SS: Barricade looks around at the 1st floor of the room, and doesn’t see anybody.]

C: Uh… I- I’m up in-

S: You- you went upstairs, okay.

C: Yeah, I'm on the second floor.

[OS: Megatron is using the sniper rifle and taking aim at a Barrier Autobot.]

S: All right, uh, time to figure out how to get to the second floor.

O: Jump.  You can jump on top of stuff.

C: Oh, you can also jump twice.

[CS: Brawl continues to jump around the second floor, taking out more Autobots, before landing back on the first floor.]

O: Yeah.

S: Yeah, I can't get high enough in my jump for that though.

C: You have to jump up on the computers, and then you can jump up on the- or just kidding the computer is decided to go to sleep now.

[SS: Megatron jumps on top of the computers, but they slowly sink into the floor.]

S: Yes.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron -- there is a route through the manufacturing plant nearby that Starscream has not yet blocked.  Transmitting coordinates.

Megatron: Excellent!  Decepticons!  Lock this room down and await our return!

OS: New Objective - Infiltrate the Manufacturing Area to Proceed]

O: Is there anything else here?

S: Uh…

C: I didn't see anything.

[OS: A closed door is dented in by force from the other side.]

O: [quietly] Oh dear.

C: Friend of yours, Megatron?

O: Uh... no. [laughs]

C: [laughs]

[OS: The door is blasted open by a heavily armored Autobot with an axe and a sheild.]

O: They’re fuckers with shields!

C: Are you sure?

O: Do I look like I use a shield!?!

C: Tru- fair.

[OS: The sheild Autobot charges the group.  Megatron swaps to his Fusion Cannon and begins firing.]

C: It looks like they have a weak point on their back.

[CS: Brawl shoots at a sparking area on the Autobot’s back.]

[OS: Megatron hits the weak point with a Fusion Cannon blast.]

O: Get away from him, because he'll explode.

[OS: Megatron backs up as the Autobot explodes.]

C: Well, that was fun.

O: Oh, it's not when there's like six of them, let me tell ya.  I hate those guys, they’re my least favorite ones.

[OS: Megatron walks down the hallway the sheild Autobot came from, coming across an ammo chest.]

O: More ammo, if it nobody needs that I'm gonna take it.

[Barricade: So--what exactly did they manufacture here?

Megatron: Transport devices for Dark Energon.  The ancients constructed special pods they could launch to any part of Cybertron.]

S: I could use some more, but there looks like more- I dunno know, probably gun.

[SS: Barricade walks up to a weapon chest, smashes it and walks through the resulting gun that’s appeared.]

S: Can’t touch it.

O: It's a- it’s a shot gun, what you just picked up, so…

S: Erm, well.

O: Okay, got a-

S: Gah.

[OS: Megatron walks up to door that opens to reveal a hallway with four sentry guns shooting electricity at a wounded Autobot on the ground.]

C: That looks painful.

S: Yes!

[OS: Megatron uses his sniper rifle to take out the Autobot and half the sentry guns, which seems to deactivate the two on the other wall.  He begins walking down the hallway and spots a health box.]

C: Hmmm...

O: Uh, I've got two bars.

C: Wait, are we gonna get electrocuted if we walk through?

O: Um, no, because I shot them.

[OS: Brawl and Barricade turn a corner in the hallway, and Megatron grabs the energon after smashing the box.  He follows the other two down the hallway and sees Barricade standing in front of a grenade canister.]

S: Oh!  What’s this?

O: Those are-

S: Just grenades.

O: -grenades.  By all means, take them, cuz I hate grenades.

S: I cannot pick them up, okay.

[OS: Barricade runs through the grenades, but they remain.]

C: It's cuz you already have three.

S: Which I don't- Ohhh okay, yeah I need to throw them with G, apparently.

C: Yep.

O: If you want ‘em, take him Chezni.

C: I- I’m at full, I keep forgetting to use them.

[CS: Brawl walks into a room where the floor is covered with some sort of blue liquid or energy, and on a ledge across from the party a barrier Autobot is firing on them.  Brawl gets hit with a rocket.]

C: Oww!  What!?!  Who di- who shot a rocket at me!?!

O: Probably that guy behind the shield.

C: Well, he's a jerk!

[OS: Brawl and Barricade charge across a bridge at the barrier Autobot, while Megatron takes him out with his sniper rifle.]

S: Okay, I’m off… I’m low on ammo.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron--according to my scans the manufacturing plant is directly below your floor.

Brawl: There is no exhaust coming from that vent.  We can blast through to make an entrance!

Barricade:  Aren’t you concerned at all driving into the belly of a furnace?

Megatron: Aren’t YOU concerned that I might tire of your pointless chatter?

SS: Megatron and Brawl are looking at the area where the Autobot was standing, their backs to the vent they should be looking at.  Barricade walks over and shoots the air vent the UI is indicating.]

C: Oh gosh.

O: I'm sorry I don’t-- it's giving me a button, and I do not know what button it is on my controller so…

S: Possibly-

C: I don't have any button interactions as far as-.

S: Neither do I.  Maybe E?

O: It said something about a vent, and I remember getting stuck here last time-

C: Oh, it's over here.

[CS: Brawl turns around and jumps into the open vent.]

S: Vent… uh…

C: Over here.

O: Oh, I see.

S: Oh, the thing that I shot, okay.

O: Wee!

[OS: Megatron jumps down the vent.]

O: Yeah.

[SS: Barricade jumps down the vent and lands without any apparent damage despite the height of the fall..]

C: Wow, no fall damage.

O: Yep.  We are giant robots-

C: Banjo Kazooie this is not.

O: We are giant robots, after all.

[OS: The party lands in a corridor that has massive spinning fans and vents that periodically spew fire upwards.  It’s a very safe looking area.  Very safe.

Megatron: Those fans will split you in two!  I can’t use you if you’re dead!]

O: [snorts]

S: Oh Megatron, you're so sentimental.

C: [laughs]

[CS: The party makes their way through the vents, before reaching the first giant fan in their path.]

O: [muttering] Alright… what do I have to- yup.

[CS: Megatron shoots at the fan once before jumping into the air and floating.]

C: Think we have to shoot the fans?

[CS: Brawl shoots the middle of the fan, nothing happens.]

O: Uh, I don’t know.  We have to shoot something, I just don't remember what part of it is we shoot.

[OS: Megatron shoots in the middle closer to the fan blades and the blades fall apart after a couple of shots.]

S: Well-

O: Oh yeah, you’re right, we shoot the fan blades.

C: Well, that was... simple.

[Megatron: Stay clear of the fans, you fool!

OS: Megatron moves forward, dodging more vents, stopping in front of the second large fan and tries shooting it with his Fusion Cannon, ineffectively.  He then turns around and sees Barricade and Brawl standing a long ways off behind him.]

C: Specs and I are just gonna stand back and watch you handle this. [laughs]

O: Well- urgh, dah, I’m not actually good at hitting these things…

[SS: Barricade transforms into car mode and shoots the fan, destroying the blades.]

C: Ha!  I think Specs got- had it in car mode.

S: Yes, because I have actually ammo then.

[OS: Megatron walks forward into a shaft that has a small bridge in the middle with another huge fan underneath it.]

O: Why do I feel like this breaks and we end up riding it down?

S: Probably!  Woooah!

O: That seems like the kind of crazy- oh no, we have to the- the- the fans, I think?

[OS: Megatron attempts to shoot the fan blades, missing every shot.]

S: Oh… I… okay, uh.

O: Maybe?

[CS: Brawl shoots the fan blades with his machine gun.]

C: Nailed it!

[Brawl: See you at the bottom!

SS: Everyone jumps off the bridge, aiming for another one some distance below.]

S: Oh.  Okay.  I can’t-

O: Careful you don’t land on a fan.

[SS: Barricade falls into a fan and dies, but lands on the next bridge below the one the rest of the party is on.]

S: There I went!  I’m dead.

C: Oh no!

[Soundwave: Megatron.  Starscream is alerted to your presence in the production facility.  Expect resistance.

OS: The fan blades have been destroyed.  Megatron jumps off to go to the level below but gets caught on the edge of the middle section of the fan and gets stuck.]

O: [quietly] Oh god, I’m stuck.

[OS: Megatron accidently throws a grenade that sticks to the wall right in front of him.]

C: At least you landed in the middle.

[OS: The grenade explodes and takes out nearly half Megatron’s health.  Below him, Brawl lands on the bridge and revives Barricade.]

O: NO!  Oh crap, I’m really stuck.

[OS: Megatron transforms into tank mode and falls down.]

O: Oh nooooo! [laughs]

[OS: Megatron transforms into robot mode as he falls and misses the platform hitting the fan.]

C: What’s going on?

O:  Argh!!! [laughs]

[OS: Megatron lands on a ledge off to the side of the shaft.]

O: I got stuck, and then um, couldn’t move?

C: Alright, alright, alright…

O: And I’m down here and I’m going to-

C: Nooo!!!

[OS: From Megatron’s viewpoint we see Brawl fall past where Megatron’s stuck and dying.]

C: I missed!

O: [laughing]  I’m sorry!  I was like, stuck, and then I transformed into tank mode, and was like, “Oh hey, I got away-”

[OS: The party gets the game over screen and restart from when they first entered the room with the giant fans and the vents.]

O: And then uh, and then I fell into the fan, and it was just bad.  It was bad, okay.  It’s not my fault I got stuck!

C: It’s not your fault I missed either.

O: [laughs]

S: That was-

[Megatron: Those fans will split you in two!  I can’t use you if you’re dead!

OS: Megatron destroys the fan in three shoots, unlike the first time.]

C: Whoa!

O: Yeah, I gotta aim at the middle not the fans [blades].  Then I do all right.

[Megatron: Stay clear of the fans, you fool!

OS: Megatron destroys the next fan quickly and the party reaches the shaft.]

O: Alright, let's see if I can uh, do this again without getting uh, cut into pieces.

C: That’s gen- generally the uh, the better way of doing things.

[SS: Barricade destroys the fan below the first bridge.]

O: [snorts] Thank you.

C: Oh jeez-

[CS: Brawl jumps off, landing on the bridge below.

Brawl: See you at the bottom!]

S: I'm not- not a fan of this!  I don’t wanna!  Shit…

C: Ha!  Specs, you're not a fan of this?  Really?

S: [laughs]

C: A fan?

S: [laughs]

O: Are you two having fun?

C & S: [laugh]

S: We like puns.

C: [continues laughing]

O: [sighs] Of course you do.

[SS: Barricade jumps off and lands on the platform below.]

S: [laughs] We've had this discussion.

[OS: Brawl falls down nearly right on top of Barricade.]

C: Oh geez, look out!  I'm sorry!

[OS: Megatron is looking over the edge of the bridge at the fans.]

S: I'm out of ammo, and I can't shoot it in car mode.

O: Uh-

C: There's grenades over here.

[CS: Brawl jumps over to an opening in the wall and picks up some grenades.]

C: We can just throw grenades on it- oh shoot!  Ah!

[CS: Brawl dashes into the fan blades and falls down.]

C: That was not the grenade button…

[CS: Brawl comes to rest on a ledge on the side of the shaft.]

C: That was the dash button!

[OS: Megatron ineffectively shoots at the fan blades.]

O: Argh, if I can get down there!

C: 600.

O: OH MY GOD!

C: 400.

[SS: Barricade tosses grenades out towards the fan blades, between the grenades and the shooting, the fan is finally defeated.]

O: I can hit so much stuff, but not fans apparently!

S: Sorry, I just lobbed-

C: 200, 50.

[CS: The death counter stops on 18, the camera is adjusted, and Megatron is seen standing over Brawl.]

C: Oh my gosh!  You got it at 18!

O: Oh, JESUS!

C: Wow.

[Barricade: This place is pretty active to be thousands of years old.

Megatron: Soundwave reactivated it upon my orders.  I have VERY special plans for this facility.]

O: This fan has SUUUUCKED!

[OS: Megatron jumps down onto a platform below.  It dents inwards as he lands.]

S: Where are you guys?

C & S: [laugh]

O: Just jump down.  Jump down there's no more fans.

S: Yes, I know I'm already at the ground.

[SS: Barricade is waiting on the bottom floor, which is some sort of manufacturing facility.]

O: Oh, okay, well, I’ll be right there.

C: [laughs] We’re coming.

S: Oh, there you are.

[CS: Megatron lands in a way that is very reminiscent of his movements in Transformers: Prime.]

O: What’s up? [laughs]

C: [laughs] The hero landing.

O: Is it really a hero landing if he’s doing it though? [laughs]

C: Super villain landing.

O: [snorts] Warlor- or gladiator landing, more like it.

[OS: Megatron walks up a ramp, into a large open room.  High walkways going between some pillars are seen in the distance.]

O: All righty then, I remember this!  I remember, cuz I died here A LOT!  Because there are guys up on that fucking walkway!

S: I need-

[OS: Megatron takes aim at Autobots on the walkways through the sniper rifle’s scope.

Megatron: What?!?

Brawl: Snipers on the bridge, Megatron!

Megatron: Crush them!]

S: Ohhh~

[SS: Barricade picks up a sniper rifle.]

O: I'm going to enjoy shooting them with a fucking scope.

[SS: An object in front of Barricade explodes.]

S: Shitttttt!  Give me the ammo!

[SS: Barricade runs over to a box of ammo and smashes it.]

C: You know the environments- environments in this game are really nice looking.

S: I think I’ve got-

O: Yeah, they are they did a good job with the design work, I think.  Okay...

S: Alright, who am I supposed to…

[CS: Brawl runs around below the catwalks, before take a hit that takes out over ¼ of this health in one shot.]

C: Ow!  What the-?  Who shot me?

O: There- a bunch of them are up on the catwalks up there.

[OS: Megatron takes out an Autobot with his sniper rifle.]

C: I can't even get up into the catwalks.

S: Um-

[CS: Brawl and Barricade attempt to jump onto the catwalks.]

O:  You may not be able to.

[OS: All the enemies are defeated and Megatron heads into the next room.]

O: I’m not sure where you guys are- oh.

[OS: Megatron turns around to find Brawl and Barricade right behind him.]

S: I’m behind you.

C: We’re behind you.

[OS: A shield Autobot bursts through a wall in front of the party.]

O: Whoa!

C: Oh, it’s a shield guy.

O: Yeah, I hate these guys.

S: You’ve mentioned!

[OS: Shield Autobot is defeated and Megatron picks up the energon cube that he dropped.

Megatron: Ah!  Precious energon!]

C: [laughs]

O: Look, he was hungry, alright?  He was hungry.

C: He- the way he said it!

O: [deep voice] PRECIOUS ENERGON!

[SS: The party roams around an area where large claws are coming down from the ceiling in front of them and crushing the floor.]

O: Okay, so obviously, avoid those things.  Those things are bad, um...

C: Sure, we'll we'll follow you.

O: Uh, we're going the wrong way- eh, we need to go that way.  Okay.

S: The same direction I'm pointed in?

[SS: Barricade walks into the shockwave of one of the claws and takes some damage.]

S: Ah!

O: Yep.

C: Oh, ow!  Guess I was too close?

O: Just avoid the electricity and you’ll be fine.

[OS: Megatron finishes crossing the area with the claws ahead of Brawl and Barricade.]

O: She said, last words-ing-ly.

[CS: Barricade and Brawl catch up with Megatron.]

S: Well, I mean, we’re here…

[SS: The party moves into the next room.  Barricade activates a panel, which raises a platform and generates a bridge for the party to cross to room.

Megatron: Once I have enough Dark Energon online, I will use these canisters to transport it to Cybertron!  The Autobots’ surprise will be TOTAL.]

O: Sure... sure, buddy.  Sure.  Space crack.  I’m gonna surprise them with space crack.  I'm sorry, that is what I'm translating it as every single time though!

[OS: The party gets on a lift, and Megatron activates it via the panel in front of them.]

S: Well, it's not space crack, it's space bath salts.

O: [snorts] That can be used as space crack, apparently.

[Megatron: I tire of these futile attempts to resist me.  Dark Energon will be MINE.

OS: The lift begins going up.]

S: Well no, no- I mean, bath salts, as in the drug.

O: Oh, I thought they were using actual bath salts as drugs... but perhaps I'm wrong, I don't know.  I'm not gonna keep up with the drug ‘lingo’.

[Barricade: What makes you think you can control the Dark Energon, when no one else has ever been able to?

Megatron: Only the strong are worthy of such a weapon, Barricade.  I am the strongest.  And do not question me again!]

C: Owls 2020, she's not gonna keep up with the drug lingo.

O: [laughs]

S: It’s not relevant to our live-

O: [laughs] Yup, that’s- that’s- that’s my platform, vote for me!

E: [laughs]

[In-game cinematic: The party exits the lift into an area that’s partially open to space.  It looks like a large hanger that’s had the back part of it violently ripped apart.  Cybertron is visible in the distance.]

O: I remember dying here a lot too.  Probably cuz shit flies.

[Megatron: Cybertron.

Brawl: Flyers inbound!

An aerial Autobot flies in from space, Megatron shoots them with his fusion cannon, but the Autobot transforms and lands on the floor.  Several other Aerialbots arrive.]

S: Okay.

[CS: Brawl jumps forward and takes out one of the Autobots.]

O: Okay, I hate these too, because they move too much... for me to hit.

[OS: Megatron tries to shoot at the aerialbots with his sniper rifle.  It’s not very effective.]

C: Crap, crap, crap-

S: Shit.

C: -crap.

[Megatron: We got another one!]

C: Yeah, I'm out.

[SS: Barricade is up on a platform shooting aerialbots.  Brawl is fainted down below.]

O: I can’t tell if I'm just not hitting them, or if they’re just not taking damage.

S: I... I need heals.

[OS: Megatron revives Brawl.]

C: Alright, where's Specs?

O: I got her.

[OS: Megatron takes out several Aerialbots with his Fusion Cannon.]

S: Oh... shit!

O: Are you dead again?

[Barricade: Where do we go now, Megatron?]

S: Nope.  I’m not dead again I just…

[Brawl: The damage looks… old.  It’s been this way for a good while.  But no weapon I know of could’ve done this.]

O: Uh, who needs health?  There's health down here.

C: Everybody.

S: I am at one bar.

O: Then you get down here and take it Specs.

S: Okay.

[Megatron: I don’t care what did -- find a way across!

(COM) Soundwave: The holomap indicates no damage to this area.]

O: I don't care if my space crack-

[SS: Barricades walks over and smashes the health box.

Megatron: Yes… this is unexpected.  The entire area lies in shambles.]

S: Thank you.

O: You’re welcome!  I do however need ammo because I'm completely out except for however many I have in-

[CS: Brawl jumps over to a platform with a red token floating on it.]

C: Uh, I found a Decepticon token.

O: Uh, that's not a Decepticon token, dear.

[CS: Brawl smashes the Autobot token.]

C: Well, whatever it was I blew it up.

O: It was an Autobot token.

C: Oh, was that-

O: The Autobots are red.

C: -good or bad?

O: I have no idea.

C: [laughs] Why did I do that?

O: Because you're you, [laughs] what else could you be?  Okay, well whatever that is...

S: Ohh!~  There's this thing to interact with or are you- you're interacting with it.

[SS: Megatron and Barricade are jumping around and make it over to a control console.  Megatron activates it.]

S: Oh-

O: It moved something, I think?

[SS: A claw arm on the wall opposite where Barricade is standing begins to move before breaking and dropping down, and creating a platform.]

O: That, yes.  And bring more fliers, cuz we needed more.

[OS: More Autobot flyers fly in from the side of the room open to space.  Megatron transforms into tank mode.

CS: Brawl takes out two Autobots

OS: Megatron takes out the last Autobot.]

O: Yeah, that’s not good.  I have six, I have six tank ammos left, and that’s it.

[OS: Megatron transforms from robot mode to tank mode and back again, comparing his remaining ammo in the HUD.]

S: Oh...

C: Take heart, Megatron.  We’ll make it.

O: Will we though?

[OS: Megatron jumps across the broken claw into a enclosed debris acting as a bridge to the next floating platform.

CS: Brawl follows shortly thereafter.]

O & C: [laugh]

S: I’m-

O: The world's most pragmatic Megatron would just be weird. [laughs]

[SS: Barricade attempts to jump into the bridge, but misses it and falls a short distance onto the floor below.]

S: Warghh!

O: ...That's like the Lost Light version of him, I think.

S: Yeah.

O: Ya, alright?

S: Yeah, I just was afraid I was going to uh, jump off.

[SS: Barricade jumps into the bridge.]

O: Shit.

S: Into the void of space.

O: Oh god!  Who's shooting at me, and why does it hurt!?!

[SS: Barricade reaches the other side of the bridge, catching up with Brawl.]

C: Wait, where are you?

O: I'm not dead yet but I'm gonna be!

[CS: There is gunfire in the distance, Megatron goes down.]

C: Okay.

O: Well, now I’m dead.

C: Shoot!

[CS: Brawl jumps over some platforms to reach where Megatron has fallen, it looks like he almost fell off the edge because he fell in between one of the platforms, but landed on a small piece of debris instead..]

S: Like, I- woop, woop!

O: I can’t-

S: Woop!

O: I'm behind you.

[CS: Brawl kills the attacking Autobot and revives Megatron.]

C: Sorry, I was just trying to take out the guy before I rescued you.

O: No, it’s fine, I was just like, oh my god.

S: There's ammo right there.

O: Oh, thank fuck!

[SS: Megatron runs over and smashes an ammo box with his mace.]

O: [quietly]  Jammed?  What?

[OS: Megatron’s abilities have the word, “Jammed” superimposed on top of them in the HUD.]

C: Yeah, your abilities get jammed, I noticed, after you get revived.

O: Oh!  I didn’t realize.

C: They have to come back online.

S: God, I hate doing stuff on areas like this where you can fall into goddamn space.

[OS: The party continues to move across the huge debris field of broken up spacestation bits floating around in space.]

C & S: [laugh]

C: Well the-

O: But it’s space, I love space!

S: [laughs]

C: The real question is why is there any gravity here at all?

O: I think it must be remnants from something the space- the station is generating.

[CS: Autobot fliers attack the party, who return fire.]

C: I mean, that's fair.

O: You really need a machine gun, I feel like, with the flyers, and I don’t usually have one.

[OS: After dispatching the Autobots the party reaches a larger platform, a weapons chest is visible.]

O: Uh, there's another weapon down here.

[OS: Barricade runs over and smashes the chest.]

C: I’m behind-

S: I can't touch it.

C: Uh, it's a shotgun.

O: Must be another-

S: Uh, I think I’ve already got a shot-

O: You do.

[OS: Brawl picks up the shotgun, leaving behind one of his previously equipped guns.]

C: I'll try it.  Eh, it refills ammo anyway.

S: Oh…

C: I was almost out of the other weapon I left behind.

S: Eep… I don't- I don't like these areas.

[CS: The party continues on, reaching an area with a reasonable large gap between the next platform they need to get too.  More Autobots attack, and Brawl jumps to the new platform and begins attacking them.]

S: I really don't like these areas.

[OS: Megatron takes out one of the Autobots with the sniper rifle, after missing with the first few shots.]

O: [quietly] Jesus!

C: Nice.

O: Yeah, took way too many shots.

[SS: Megatron runs over to a health chest.]

O: Health up here, I'm gonna take it because I’ve only got one bar.

C: I don’t need it.

S: I do not need health either, so…

S: Woop!

C: Ammo over here.

S: Yeah, so you should probably take it, er- Owls?

[OS: Megatron runs over to the ammo chest and smashes it.]

C: No, I'm pretty much full.

[SS: Brawl takes out yet another Aerialbot.]

C: Oh shoot…

O: Thank you!

[SS: The party continues jumping between platforms, heading towards the remnants of a structure in the distance.]

C: Another Decepticon logo over there.

O: Where?

S: Autobot?

C: Er, Autobot logo.  Yeah, yup.

O: Where?

C: I got it.

S: You murdered it?

C: No, no I mean- I- I mean I saw my mistake.  It's over there- up there rather.

[CS: Brawl shoots an Autobot badge floating on a high platform some distance away from the party.]

S: Oh, in front of us?

C: I just shot it, it blew up.

O: I don’t see it...

C: It- it blew up…

O: Is- am I crazy?

[CS: Megatron hops between a couple of platforms.]

C: No, it blew up.  I- it's not there anymore.

S: Oh, there's more ammo over here.

C: You okay, Owls?  Oh no.

[CS: Brawl tries to jump onto the platform Megatron was standing on but misses and falls into the void OF SPACEEEEE!]

O: Oh yeah- yeah, I'm just confused.  Woah.  Oh my god, Chezni, you walked off the damn plat- [dissolves into laughter]

[OS: The Mission Failed screen is displayed, Owls selects Restart From Last Checkpoint.]

C: Yup.

O: [laughs] Good job!

C: Yup.

O: Good job!

C: [laughs]

O: Everybody slow clap for Chezni.  Hey-

[OS: The party starts in almost exactly the same location as they were before the game over screen.]

C: Well, no, no- actually I did it so you can see the Autobot logo [laughs] cuz now it's back!

[OS: Megatron looks up at the platform and shoots the Autobot badge, blowing it up, before heading into the structure.]

O: Now it's not, goodbye.

C & O: [laugh]

C: Yes, I walked off the edge.

O: I actually-

S: Ahh!

[CS: Barricade nearly jumps off the edge.  Immediately afterwards both Barricade and Brawl are teleported into the structure Megatron entered.]

O: -have ammo, so if one of you needs one, you should take one of these? Or leave them and I will-

[CS: Brawl is hit by one shot and goes down.]

C: Wait, what the heck!?!

S: We teleported.

[OS: Megatron is sniping snipers.  How the snipers have become the sniped!]

C: We teleported, then I immediately died.

O: Oh shit, do you need revived?

[OS: Megatron turns around walks over to Brawl and revives him.]

O: Yes, you do.

S: I just don't know where you are.

O: There's snipers, that's why you died.

S: Oh.

C: All right.

O: That's why you keep seeing the lines from them.

[SS: Barricade is shooting Autobots with a sniper rifle but not actually using the scope it is KILLING me inside.]

C: Okay.

O: So yeah, they do more damage then you’re probably used to.

[OS: Megatron is continuing to snipe, until some enemies get right up next to him, and then he swaps to tank mode.]

S: Oh~

C: Oh my gosh.

[CS: Brawl is running around, trying to avoid a shield Autobot and throwing grenades at him.]

S: Oh~

[SS: Barricade slowly looks up… and shoots an Autobot in the crotch from below.]

S: God, I just shot him in the crotch.

O: As you do.

S: [laughs]

[OS: Megatron smashes an Autobot with his mace and joins in on the fight against the shield Autotbot.]

S: Ahhhh!

[SS: Barricade shoots a distant Autobot before hurriedly backing away from the advancing shield Autobot.]

C: Finally!

[CS: The shield Autobot finally blows up.]

O: Yeah, they take for freaking ever.

S: I need to go collect some more ammo, if there is still some available.

[(COM) Soundwave: Megatron, I have downloaded the station’s log.  Transmitting history.]

O: Yup, I left one of them.

[CS: Brawl jumps up some platforms, onto the upper level the room the party is in and grabs some health.

Megatron:  Fascinating!  According to this, a quantity of Dark Energon became unstable… and the resulting explosion destroyed this part of the station.

Brawl: Dark Energon did all of THIS?

Megatron: Those fools had no idea how to control it!  I’ll not make the same mistake!]

S: Megatron…

O: Sureeee, you won’t Megs, sure you won’t.

S: Megatron, you just want to take it.  You want to use the Dark Energon.

C: [laughs]

O: Uh, yes, use .  ‘Use’ in a very literal sense here.  Oh my god, why can't I jump?

[SS: Barricade jumps up on a platform, and runs around a pillar, Megatron runs past and is seen running toward the door on the floor above.]

S: How are we- where are we supposed to go?  Uh…?

C: You can-

O: Uh, you need to get up here, and then there's a door.

[SS: Barricade attempts to jump to get to the top level, but instead runs off the platform.]

S: Shit.

O: If you go uh, kind of near the start of the level, you can jump-

[OS: Megatron turns around and peers down the edge of the platform at Barricade getting back on the same platform as before.]

O: Yeah, if you jump up there you should be able to get up here.

[CS: Brawl jumps up with Megatron and the two head towards the room’s exit.]

S: Nyyyah!

C: Eh-

C & O: [laugh]

O: Specs dies, funny noise number 25!

[CS: Brawl turns around and watches Barricade struggling on the platform below.]

S: It's less that, and more frustration that I can't fucking-

O: I mean, if you don't mind teleporting I can probably just go through the door?

C: No, this is funny, let her do-

A: [laugh]

O: Why are you so mean?

C: Alright, you can do it!  You can do it!

[CS: Megatron joins Brawl at the edge of the platform.]

O: Come on.  Come on little car legs, you can do it!

[CS: Barricade jumps and finally makes it to the level Megatron and Brawl are on.]

S: [laughs] Okay.

O & C: Yay!

[SS: The party heads towards the room’s exit.]

O: I love that I’m like, yes, its because you’re short.  Come on.

S: [laughs]

O: There’s health over- er, no, this is a sheild.

[OS: Megatron walks out the door and onto a ledge, he walks over to the the right and spies a chest with a sheild icon on it.  Barricades walks over and stops in front of the chest.]

S:  Ohhh~

O: Uh, basically it's like bonus health, you don't get to keep after you use it, so… One of you guys should probably take it?

C: I'm good, I'm at full health.

[CS: Brawl jumps down from the platform to the ground below.  They have entered another debris field.]

O: I'm at full health too, that's what I'm getting at.

C: I already jumped down so one of you is gonna have to take it.

[OS: Megatron walks over and smashes the chest before jumping off the platform.]

O: All right, I will take the health- or the shield then.

S: Okay.

C: Oh, there are flyers!

O: Oh goody.

S:  Ehhhh, don’t like.

[SS: Barricade walks towards the edge of the platform and looks down.  Several aerialbots begin firing on Megatron and Brawl below, and one targets where Barricade is standing.]

S: Really don't like.

O: Shit, shit, shit.  Oh my god, I hate you all!

S: Oh… shit.

[OS: Megatron attempts to fire on the Aerialbots, missing.  He’s eventually able to take down two of them.]

O: Ugh.

S: Nah!

O: Nyeh?

[CS: Brawl takes down the last remaining Autobot with his shotgun.]

S: [laughs] I'm sorry, that is the noise I’ll make.

O: Uh, honestly I think it's hilarious and nothing to apologize for.

[SS: Barricade attempts to jump to the next debris platform, but misses and falls into the void.]

S: I died!

O: Where are you?

S: I’m dead.

O: OH, you fell off, okay.

[OS: The Mission Failed screen is displayed, Owls selects Restart From Last Checkpoint.]

O: I was like, where are you? Heh, nowhere!  The void of space!

[OS: The party spawns in the room they just left… down on the bottom floor.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron, I have downloaded the station’s log.  Transmitting history.]

O: Ah-ha, are you gonna have to jump up there again?

S: [laughs]

O: I think you’re gonna have to jump up there again, Specs.

[Megatron:  Fascinating!  According to this, a quantity of Dark Energon became unstable… and the resulting explosion destroyed this part of the station.

OS: Megatron jumps up onto the second level of the room.]

S: [laughs]  I know, I see.  I don’t like it though. [laughs]

[Brawl: Dark Energon did all of THIS?

Megatron: Those fools had no idea how to control it!  I’ll not make the same mistake!]

O: Shall I just go through the door?

[SS: Barricade is jumps up on the second level.]

C: No, I need to get the health over here.  Okay.

[Brawl: Tastes good!]

C: Wait, tastes good?  Was that Brawl?

S: I don't know.

[SS: The party exits the room and out into the debris field.]

O: [snorts]

S: He might be being metaphorical.

C: No, I think he said it when I picked up the Energon.

[OS: Megatron walks over to a Thermo Rocket Launcher (Vehicle Lock-On) on the ground.]

O: Oh, there's a... rocket launcher.  An actual rocket launcher instead of you know, whatever the hell the Fusion Cannon is.  It’s basically-

C: I'm terrible with rocket launchers.

O: I don't need two of them!

[OS: Megatron and Brawl shoot at oncoming Autobots.]

S: Ah.

[CS: The firefight continues.  Brawl jumps around some enemies to get to a box of health while is health is low.]

S: Well, that was effective.

[SS: Barricade shoots the rocket launcher at the enemies.]

O: Oh my god, I'm gonna die.

[OS: Megatron attempts to get behind some cover, but ends up going down.]

S: Where are you?

O: Uh, back to the beginning basically.  I am uh, fainted, so...

[CS: Brawl revives Megatron.]

O: Bless you, thank you.

[CS: Brawl goes down.]

C: I'm dead now.

[CS: Megatron collapses next to Brawl.]

O: We both are.  Save us Specs.

S: Uh...

C: It's your time to shine!

[Megatron:  What are you waiting for!?!  ATTEND ME!

SS: Barricade revives Megatron.]

C: Wow, we made it.

[OS: Megatron revives Brawl.]

S: Maybe?

O: Tch, [deeper voice] Decepticons!  Repair your leader at once!

C: Nice job!

S: The first time I’ve been active-

[OS: Megatron begins getting hit with fire from behind, and whirls around to try and spot the culprit.]

O: Oh?  Ah!  What is hitting me!?!  Where are they coming from?  Oh my god, I hate them all.

[OS: Megatron goes down almost simultaneously with the offending Aerialbot, as his Fusion Cannon shot hits after he’d already fallen.]

O: Okay, I got him, but I died again, help. [laughs]

S: Where…?

[OS: Barricade can be seen a few yards away, his back to Megatron.]

O: I'm behind you, I can see you, Specs.  I’m behind you. [laughs]

[Brawl: I’m gonna have fun with this!]

O: What?

[SS: Barricade revives Megatron.]

O: Thank you!

[OS: Megatron jumps up, running through a sniper rifle on the ground and continuing on to the next platform.]

O: That is a sniper rifle, by the way.  I have one.

C: Yeah, I wasn't uh... wasn't interested in it after I realized.

S: I had it, I think.  Maybe.

C: What’s over here?

[CS: Brawl jumps off the main series of platforms and onto a tilted piece of debris.]

O: Over where?

C: I'm- I’m not in a happy place right now.

S: [laughs] Yes, I can see-

[SS: Barricade is standing WHERE HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE, and Brawl off on the tilted debris.]

O: And that’s how Chezni died, again .

C: I’m very stuck!

S: [laughs] You- you need to jump back over where I am.

C: Uh, alright, here goes nothing!

O: I don’t even see where he is.

[CS: Brawl jumps back on the platform, landing near Megatron.]

O: Oh, okay.

C: That was- that was clearly not the way we need to go.

O: No shit. [laughs] No shit, Sherlock!

[OS: The party continues some light platforming in a shooting game based around giant robots, as you do.]

O: Oh god, now I just want to hear Megatron say, “No shit, Sherlock.” [laughs]

C: Frank Welker.

O: Heh, no shit, Sherlock!

[OS: Megatron jumps onto one of the larger pieces of debris that’s still mostly intact, and gets gunned down by another Aerialbot.]

O: Oh my god, no, dammit!  Help!  I died again.  Cuz, fliers are the worst.

[CS: Brawl runs over to Megatron, before collapsing as well.]

O: I was trying to get the health too!

C: Oh no.

S: Uh.

[Brawl: Fancy shooting, if I do say so myself!

SS: Under fire, Barricade revives Brawl.]

C: Specs, this is the second time she- she saved us.

O: Thank you!  I want that health!

S: May I have the ammo?

O: Uh, yeah go ahead.

[OS: Megatron jumps up some boxes and smashes the health box on top of them and picks up the energon.]

S: Oh.

C: Oh my gosh, I'm down again.

S: Uh…

[OS: Megatron jumps down and begins reviving Brawl.]

O: I got him.

S: Okay.

O: Go get the ammo.

S: I got the ammo, um…

[SS: Barricade shoots at a distant Autobot with the rocket launcher.]

O: Ow!

[OS: Megatron attempts to take aim through the sniper rifle’s scope but is hit by some fire.]

S: Ohhhhhhhh~

C: Man, this game loves to put-

[OS: Megatron gets behind cover and takes out one of the Autobots shooting at the party.]

S: I can- I didn’t real- I forgot I could scroll through weapons.

O: Yeah, that helps with the whole ammo thing.

[CS: Brawl jumps over to where one of the remaining Autobots is and shoots him with the shotgun.]

S: Yes, yes it does.  I don't play games- I don't play games like this very much, I've mentioned.

O: Uh yeah, I just think it's funny cuz I would have been in some serious shit if I hadn't been doing that cuz again, the Fusion Cannon’s only got 20 shots.  It’s why I need two weapons or I’m kinda fucked.

S: [sighs]

[OS: The party continues fighting until the rest of the Autobots are offlined.]

O: Okay, beaten- er, battered- broke- battered and broken, but we are here.

C: That's pretty accurate, I feel battered and broken right now.

[SS: The party continues onwards.]

O: Oh my god, stupid fucking flyers!

[SS: A little ways ahead, some Aerialbots are shooting at Megatron.]

O: I hate them. [laughs]

[OS: The two Autobots are dispatched.]

C: Yeah, they're pretty rough.

S: [screams]

C: Uh-oh.

O: Are we gonna have to restart again?

[OS: Megatron turns around to find Barricade just sitting in the middle of the platform in car mode.]

S: No, I was just afraid I went off- I was afraid I went off-

O: [laughs] I- I just love that I hear a scream, turn around, and there’s a tiny purple car.

S: [laughs]

O: It’s- it’s wonderful.  I just want you to know that, it was wonderful.

C:  Pretty stinkin’ funny.

O: It was just like, “Ahhh!  I turned into a car!”  Uh, I’m at two bars, how’s your guys’ health feeling?

[CS: Brawl follows Megatron up to another structure, but then looks off to the right and gets a terrible, awful idea.]

C: One bar.

S: One.

O: Okay, grab that.

[CS: Brawl jumps, off the main platforms, attempting to land on some floating debris, but instead dies as soon as he touches it.]

C: Oh... apparently you're not supposed to go over there.

S: [laughs]

O: [sighs]  Why- why do you guys want to hurt me, that’s the-

[OS: The Mission Failed screen appears, Owls selects Restart From Last Checkpoint.]

C: I just want to explore.

O: NO!  No! Not in this game you don’t!

C: Ohhh, no!

[OS: The party spawns in exactly where they have the last two times.

(COM) Soundwave: Megatron, I have downloaded the station’s log.  Transmitting history.

O: You have got to stop dying!

[Megatron:  Fascinating!  According to this, a quantity of Dark Energon became unstable… and the resulting explosion destroyed this part of the station.]

C: Alright, alright, no more exploring.

O: No more exploring and falling off!

C: Ugh…

O: I blame you!

C: Yeah…

[OS: Megatron walks out of the room, and grabs the sheild from the ledge.

Brawl: Dark Energon did all of THIS?

Megatron: Those fools had no idea how to control it!  I’ll not make the same mistake!]

S: Baah… I hate... that we’re going over this, again.

C: Yeah, it's bad enough that it's horrible, but it's like, the third time we have to do it.

[SS: Barricade and Brawl make their way out of the room.  Barricades stops and investigates from the ledge before jumping down to the ground below.]

O: Yep, now it's my turn to fall off, don'tcha know?

C: [laughs]

S: Emm…

[SS: Autobots attack, the party returns fire.]

O: That's fine, I can just miss with every damn shot.

S: Ahh!

[OS: Megatron shoots down a distant Autobot.]

S: Wah!

O: The noises you're making, are you aware you’re making them? [laughs]

S: [laughs] Yes!  I know I make them.  I didn't say they were smart!

O & S: [laughs]

[OS: The fighting continues.  An Aerialbot flies over Megatron and Barricade dropping bombs on them.]

O: Oh bugger.

S: Errm…

[OS: Megatron takes out the Autobot that had previously attacked.]

O: Goodbye!

C: Oh my goodness uh, I'm down.

S: I don't know where you are.

O: I do.

[OS: Megatron begins running towards Brawl.]

S: Oh, okay, you're behind me.

O: [If] you can shoot the flyer that's shooting me though, that would be great.

[CS: Brawl takes out the shooting Autobot and Megatron revives him.]

S: Uhh…

O: Or did Che- or did Chezni get them?

S: Someone got it, that was not me, so…

O: Must’ve-

C: I- I shot it while I was down.  I got a lucky shot.

[CS: The party continues forward, Brawl grabs some health from a nearby box.]

S: I don't remember where we're supposed to go.

O: No, we're supposed to go over there, it's just I heard them talking and was trying to get’em to come out so I could shoot them from further away.

[SS: Megatron is looking off in front of the party, backing up before jumping over the gap.]

S:  Wah!

[OS: Megatron lands on the mostly intact structure, getting fired at by Autobots.]

O: Oh my god, you are all the worst!

[SS: Barricade shoots down an Aerialbot.

Barricade: Should’ve stayed out of my sight!]

S: Woh..

[OS: Megatron takes out an Autobot with his Fusion Cannon.

Autobot: Noooo!]

O: [imitating Autobot] Nooooo!

S: Nyah… [laughs]

O: Okay, I actually am at full health, do you guys need any health?  There is-

C: I'm at three.

S: I'm at one bar, I am not sure where the health is?

[SS: Barricade looks around, Megatron runs by and jumps up on some boxes where a health box has been placed.]

O: It's right up here.

S: Oh!

O: On the-

S: The- the- okay.

O: The crate.

[SS: Barricade smashes the crate, healing back to full health.]

S: Okie dokie, thank you.

[OS: After taking out the Autobot directly ahead, Megatron uses his hover ability.]

O: [quietly] Shit.

[OS: Megatron takes aim at an Autobot, but Brawl comes into frame, his entire upper half spinning in circles while holding his weapon, and takes out the Autobot instead.]

O: Pfft- I love the twirly thing, it's hilarious.

C: [laughs]

S: Ahh...

C: I thought, why not?

S: Bahh…

[OS: The party defeats the rest of the Autobots and begins moving forward again.]

S: Woo!

O: Alright, so what are we not going to do?

[OS: Brawl reaches about the point where he died last time, and takes a sudden right.]

C: Oh, there's a thing over there!

O: I will hurt you.

C & S: [laugh]

[OS: Brawl stops and waits for Megatron to pass him.]

O: You're in the other room, I actually can physically hurt you.

C: Heh, heh.

O: This has to be a checkpoint, right- right?  So we can stop doing that damn part! [laughs]

C: You would assume.

[SS: Megatron reaches the door, and Barricade is teleported into the room as he enters it.]

C: I’m at two health, there's a health- oh just kidding.

O: Oh shit, I’m sorry!

C: Nah, it’s alright.

O: There’s a weapon over here.

[CS: Megatron smashes the weapon chest.]

C: I’m out of uh, almost all my bullets.

O: It's another sniper rifle.

C: Well, when in Rome.

[CS: Brawl picks up the sniper rifle, following after the rest of the group.

Brawl: This matches my treads!]

O: [snorts] You uh, havin’ fun back there? [laughs]

C: Don't make fun of my treads.

O: Brawl- is that one Brawl?  That one’s Brawl, right?

C: Yeah.

S: Yes, I'm Barricade, I'm the car.

[OS: Megatron looks down from a ledge, blue electricity is sparking below.]

O: Gotcha, okay.

[Note: I can confidently say that after watching this a zillion times and typing up the transcript, I will never get Brawl and Barricade mixed up ever again.]

S: Are we supposed to shoot something?

O: Um, we- possibly.

[OS: Megatron attempts to jump over the gap, but falls down.  The electricity does no apparent damage.]

O: Oh yes, maybe?

[SS: Brawl jumps down after Megatron.]

C: No, apparently we just drop down.

O: Oh... then we’re fine, okay.

[SS: Barricade jumps down and party continues down a mostly intact hallway.  Megatron grabs some ammo from a box and shoots an Aerialbot hovering outside a ruined section of the hallway.]

C: Uh, I’m at two health, I'm just gonna grab this.  Oh, tha’s a sheild nevermind.

O: I still have- I still have a shield, you should take it, it heals you.

S: Ohh- ohh~

[SS: Barricade spots a computer console.]

C: I already did.

S: There’s a thing to interact with, want me to interact with it?

O: Yep, go ahead and press- press the button Specs!

S: It opened a-

O: Pull the lever, Kronk!

[OS: The door opens to reveal a wide open area, one half of which is open to space.]

O: Okay, this looks like a bossy fight typey room, right?

S: Yeah…

O: Come on, where are ya fuckers gonna come from?

[CS: The floor below the party beings to crack and slide to the left.]

C: Woah!

O: Okay, running!

[SS: The party runs across the breaking floor.

Barricade: The floor is splitting apart!

Megatron: Quickly--jump to the other side!]

O: Oh shit.

S: [high pitched trill of distress]

C & S: [laugh]

C: Jumping to the other side, accompanied by opera singing.

O: [singing] Wah!

S: [laughs]

[SS: Everyone makes it to the solid ground on the other side.  Brawl and Barricade enter a small closed off area.]

O: Who knew that uh, Barricade had such a pretty voice?

[CS: Megatron hops by and Brawl follows him into a room.]

S: [starts laughing really hard]

C: [laughs]

O: [laughs] Oh god, I killed her!

S: [continues to laugh]

[CS: Brawl turns around, and on the HUD, it is obvious that Barricade is still in the little room they entered.]

O: Uh honey, there’s a shot gun if you want to get rid of that Sniper Rifle.

C: Uh, I don't really care, but I will swap just because it fills up my ammo.

[SS: Specs is standing off by herself.]

C: Where… uh, Specs is stranded by the way.

O: Uh... you need to come around over here, and then up here, and then through the door and you’re good.

[SS: Barricade turns a corner and sees Megatron and Brawl on top of a fallen column.  He then follows Megatron into the door.]

S: Okay.

O: Actually, wait- no the rocket launcher is fine cuz it lat- it uh, it locks-on to people.

[OS: Megatron turns around and walks over to the rocket launcher.]

C: I-

O: When I’m not playing as Megatron I really like it.

C: I couldn't figure out how to get it to lock-on.

[In-game cinematic: The party walks into a room where a large reactor of some sort is visible behind glass directly in front of them.  Starscream flies up and around it in vehicle mode, before stopping in front of the party and transforming into robot mode.

Starscream: Impossible!  No one has ever survived to reach this place!

Megatron: You shall soon learn, Starscream… *I* decide what is possible and what isn’t!]

O: Like being made of lava, or something for some reason.

[Starscream: Guards!  Hold him off while I destroy the last of the Dark Energon remnants!]

O: I'm sorry, the fact that his mouth is red confuses me. [laughs]

[OS: Starscream turns to a console on the reactor and begins using it.  The camera pans and below him we see a dozen or so Autobots exit through a door on the lower level of the room.]

S: His mouth and his eyes are lit by the same substance.

O: Yeah, and I’m like, should that be connected?  I don’t think it should. [laughs] Just a thought.

C: [laughs]  It’s like, does it hurt?

O: Does it hurt to be like, internal lava?

[OS: Megatron runs forward into a newly opened door.  Standing on the ledge they entered on he takes aim at some sentry guns in the distance.]

S: Where are you guys?  Oh, there you are.

C: We’re over here.

S: Whoo.  Eww..

C: Eh, here goes nothing.

[CS: Brawl jumps down, and runs up to one of the remaining sentries, taking it out with his shoot gun at point blank range.]

S: Ahhhhhhhh!

O: [laughs]

S: I don't like falling!

O: You're a giant robot, you're indestructible, you're fine!

S: I mean personally!

O & S: [laugh]

[CS: Brawl continues to run ahead, attacking any other Autobots in the vicinity.

Starscream: STOP HIM!  I need more time to initiate the sequence!

Megatron: We cannot let Starscream succeed!  Do you hear me?  I WON’T ALLOW IT!]

C: That's fair, it'd be like if I saw a spider... in the game.  There's no- there's there Cybertronian spiders, right?

[OS: Megatron is further back, shooting things with the scope, while Brawl and Barricade continue to engage Autobots at a closer range.]

S: We-

O: Uh, you saw them, dear!  Remember, they were in the-

C: No, like actual spiders.

S: Uh-

O: What about the things on that map- the Autobot map?  Do you not count those?

[Note: We usually play a few rounds of escalation as part of our mic check when we’re recording these episodes, one of the levels has a bunch of little spidery things running around.]

C: No, those were just little- little critters.

O: They were definitely supposed to be spiders.

C: I mean like, full-on spiders.

[OS: The party continues to more forward, taking out enemies with little trouble.]

S: Aww, I'm out of ammo.

[SS: Barricade swaps between his two guns and has little to no remaining ammo.]

C: If I see any I'll let you know.

S: Thank you, I guess I'm going to have to, um…

O: Are you out in vehicle mode too?

S: Oh no, you're right!  I forgot about vehicle mode.

[SS: Barricade transforms into vehicle mode.]

O: Oh, there's ammo over here.

S: Okie-dokie.

O: And health, so if you guys need health.

S: I'm good on health, actually but-

[SS: Barricade continues through a door while in vehicle mode, running into an Autobot before quickly reversing and shooting at them.]

S: WAHHH!  Let me kill you!

C & O: [laugh]

O: [fighting back laughter] So- so polite! [laughs]

S: I’m sor-

O: “WAHHH!  Let me kill you!”

O & S: [laugh]

S: I'm sorry, my base personality doesn't change.

[SS: The party has reached the bottom of the room with the reactor in it.  There are a bunch of Autobots, including two very large one carrying turret guns and firing on them.]

C: What is that big thing, and why won't it die?

[OS: Megatron shoots repeatedly at one of the large Autobots with the sniper rifle, eventually dropping it.]

C: My goodness!

O: You’re welcome. [laughs]

S: Though I do need some ammo.

C: There’s some over here.

O: Ah, shit.

[OS: Megatron attempts the same thing on the second large Autobot as the first, but runs out of sniper ammo and must swap to his Fusion Cannon.]

O: Gah, die!

[OS: Megatron runs up to the Autobot, while still firing, and throws a grenade, while moving backwards to get to cover, Megatron goes down.]

O: Oh god I died, sorry help!

[CS: Brawl revives Megatron.]

S: Ohh!~

[CS: Brawl runs over to the remaining large Autobot and uses his whirling ability, hitting the Autobot repeatedly and defeating it.

Starscream: You’re too late!  I have initiated the destruction sequence!]

S: Oh.

C: What a jerk!

O: Oh shit.

S: Bahhhh!

[SS: In vehicle mode Barricade moves forward, shooting at a bunch of Autobots who have spawned in, but dies.]

O: Oh my god, I'm gonna die again.

O: Ugh, I'm dead, help!

S: So am I- same, sorry!

C: Oh, okay.

[CS: Brawl revives Barricade.]

C: This could be better.

S: Okay.

[CS: Brawl goes down while heading towards where Megatron’s down.]

C: Nuts!  I'm down er, rescue Specs first.

O: Yeah, uh, we're getting very, very low.

S: Ah, hold E!

[SS: Barricade begins to revive Brawl.]

O: Yeah…

S: Shit!

O: Yep, sorry!

[OS: The Mission Failed screen appears.  Owls selects Restart from Last Checkpoint.]

C: Oh!

S: Sorry!

C: No, you're fine I thought, um... I thought Owls was up.

[OS: The party spawns in the room with the reactor, getting attacked by the first wave of Autobots.]

O: No.

C: I didn’t realize it was Specs.

O: Oh god…

S: I’m sorry.

O: WHY!?!  Ugh!  Sorry.

[OS: Megatron is being attacked by one of the large Autobots nearby, he runs forward but is taken down.]

S: Oh, are you down?

O: Yes, sorry!

S: Shit- shoot where are you?  Oh-

O: I don’t know!

[OS: Megatron is revived by Brawl.  Megatron runs into the hallway he’d been using as cover previously and grabs ammo from a nearby chest.]

S: Shit.  Sorry, I am sitting in a darkened room and the only light is my computer monitor.

[CS: Barricade is down, Brawl transforms and moves towards him, shooting at one of the large Autobots as he does so.]

C: Sounds like a good life.

S: I’m also down.

C: Oh my gosh, I can't- ugh.

[CS: Brawl goes down beside Barricade.]

O: I can- I'm trying to shoot him if you can get her.

C: No, I- I fell down.

O: Oh, crap.

[OS: Megatron transforms into tank mode and moves towards were Brawl and Barricade have fallen.]

S: Oh.

O: Pfft, okay!

[OS: Megatron goes down, and the Mission Failed screen appears.  Owls selects Restart from Last Checkpoint.]

S: Oh well, at least we- at least we were at the last checkpoint.

O: Yeah, just I need to move immediately, because I'm getting shot when I spawn in, which sucks.

[OS: The party spawns in the room with the reactor, getting attacked by the first wave of Autobots.  Megatron retreats to the hallway as before, but Brawl picks up the ammo instead.]

S: Same!  I’m dead.

[CS: Brawl revives Barricade.]

O: Ugh, come on!

[OS: Megatron fires on a large Autobot, missing several times.]

C: Shoot-

[OS: Megatron transforms into tank mode and fires on the large Autobot, but falls down.]

O: Now I’m down. [sighs] Help us, Specs!

[CS: Brawl is running towards Megatron, but dies at almost the same time as him.]

C: We died in sync.

O: I'm out of ammo.  Wait, maybe I can-

[SS: Barricade revives Megatron.]

O: Thank you!

[SS: Barricade goes down.]

S: And I'm out, sorry I-

O: I'm completely out of ammo.

S: No, I mean I- I'm dead.

[OS: The Mission Failed screen appears.  Owls selects Restart from Last Checkpoint.]

O: Oh my god, that sucked.  Chezni, the am- the ammo you took?  I need that.

C: All right, I’ll leave th-

O: Like, really badly, I have no ammo.

[OS: Megatron falls back to the hallway and grabs the ammo.]

O: Thank you!

[SS: Barricade is downed by one of the large Autobots.]

S: Oh, well, shit.  I'm dead, I wonder if- no, self-destructing it's just pointless at this point.

O: Uhh... honey, can you get her?

C: No, I'm down.

O: Oh.

S: I’m dead.

[CS: The Mission Failed screen appears.]

C: I kind of felt like we just died there.

[CS: The party spawns in the room with the reactor, getting attacked by the first wave of Autobots.  Brawl falls back and enters one of the rooms the party ran through earlier.  He sees a health box.]

C: Alright, I'm gonna hang back and uh, I’m gonna go- oh, there's a bunch of health back here!

O: Well, that's good to know.

[SS: Barricade is downed by one of the large Autobots.]

S: I'm dead.

O: [sighs] Iyaiyai, this level sucks.

[OS: Megatron runs closer to the large Autobots and begins firing on them with the Fusion Cannon.]

C: We can do it.  The real problem is when one of us goes down- like, I can't- I can't stand still long enough to heal- to pick you up, cuz those guys are just gonna shoot us.

[CS: Brawl revives Barricade.]

O: Oh my god!  I died again!  And I can’t see them to actually help.

[CS: Brawl jumps over the large Autobots, heading toward where Megatron has fallen, but is taken out by the Autobots.]

O: Oh my god.

[CS: Barricade runs up to Brawl but also goes down.]

S: Well, shit.

O: Pfft, ugh!

C: Alright, so hold up.  When we start, everybody fall back.

[OS: The Mission Failed screen appears.]

O: Yeah.

C: Just fall back, don't- don't keep going.

O: Okay.

[OS: Owls selects Restart from Last Checkpoint.]

S: Okay.

C: There's uh, two packs of health in the hallway.

[Megatron: Decepticons!  Repair your leader at once!

OS: The party spawns in the room with the reactor, getting attacked by the first wave of Autobots.  Megatron retreats to the hallway and grabs the ammo before heading towards the room Brawl had found earlier.]

C: So, over here.

O: Specs, over here.

S: I'm following.

O: You guys should take that.

C: I- I'm already at three.

[SS: Barricade picks up health.]

O: Okay… . uh, grenades are great, grenades are great.

[SS: The two large Autobots are slowly moving towards the party, Barricade transforms into car mode briefly before turning back.]

S: Uh, shit.  I don’t wanna be a car right now!

[CS: Brawl transforms into a tank and begins firing on the large Autobots.]

C: Oh wait, I'm a tank, right!  Hold on, I totally forgot I'm a tank.

[OS: Megatron also transforms into a tank, and is able to take out one of the large Autobots with a few shots.]

C: Nice!

[Starscream: You’re too late!  I have initiated the destruction sequence!

OS: The party heads back towards the man room, and comes under fire from the second wave of Autobots.]

S: Ah, fuck you Starscream.

[SS: Fires on the Autobots, taking several hits in the process.]

S: Oh…

O: Crap.

[OS: Megatron takes out several Autobots with his Fusion Cannon.]

C: Is everyone up?

[CS: Brawl continues fighting with the remaining Autobots.]

O: Yep, I'm gonna grab the ammo over here though, if it's still here.

[SS: Barricade picks up one of the turret guns dropped by the large Autobots and begins shooting at Autobots.]

S: What do I do with-

[OS: The remaining Autobots are destroyed.

Megatron: Quick!  Blast the containment field!]

C: I think the shotgun might be the worst gun ever invented.

S: Ohhhh!~

[SS: Barricade looks up and sees a red reticule on the Dark Energon containment unit in front of him.]

C: Did we- did we do it?

O: I don’t know-

S: I shot a thing!

C & O: [laughs]

O: Good job, Specs, you shot a thing!

[In-game cinematic: Megatron walks forward towards the Dark Energon, and Starscream transforms and lands nearby.

Starscream:  You arrogant FOOL!  No one has ever survived direct contact!]

C & S: [laugh]

S: Apparently, it was the containment unit for the Dark Energon.

O: And Megatron's just like, “Yum!  Crack!”

[Megatron steps into the Dark Energon, getting tossed around a lot, while absorbing its power.]

C: That looks healthy.

O: Definitely!

[Starscream begins backing away from Megatron in fear.

Starscream: What?  This isn’t possible!  No!  No one can control Dark Energon!  It dominates and destroys everything it touches!

Megatron:  Hahahaha I am… the dominator.  I... am the destroyer!]

O: Again, if he’s absorbing Dark Energron then Prime makes zero sense if this happens beforehand, but what do I know?  I’m just- just me.

[Megatron: I am MEGATRON!  Decepticons, receive your birthright!

Starscream transforms and flies off.  Megatron zaps Brawl and Barricade with Dark Energon powers.]

O: [laughs] Is it bad all you can think right now, is that Starscream is like, “I'm scared and aroused?”

[Brawl: I feel the power!

Barricade: Its amazing!

Megatron: Now--I shall deal with Starscream!]

O: As he- as he flees, obviously that’s what’s happening.

[New Objective: Destroy the Dark Energon Containment.]

C: Oops.

O: Oh right, I have to do that.

[OS: Megatron heads towards the room’s exit, stopping in front of a transparent barrier and using Dark Energon powers to break it and destroy most of the Autobots behind it as Dark Energon crystals erupt from the ground.]

S: Oh... okay.

[OS: Megatron smashes an injuried Autobot with his mace, and continues on to another door, using Dark Energon to blast through it.]

O: Sorry, um, Megatron's just gotten the abilities of robot-

[A cinematic plays, making the volume jump up for the players.]

O: [somewhat muted] Woah!

[Megatron, Brawl and Barricade blast through a door, walking into a room with Starscream and Jetfire

Megatron: Dark Energon is MINE to command!  Through my will ALONE shall Cybertron be restored!

Jetfire: It’s too unstable, Megatron!  Using that power… you’re endangering our entire world!

Starscream: Teach me, Megatron.

Starscream pushes past Jetfire, walking towards the group.

Starscream: Teach me to wield Dark Energon, the way you do!  And I will serve you.]

S: Well, that is an about-face Starscream!

O: I told you, he was scared and aroused! [laughs]

[Megatron: And what could you possible offer me--that I cannot simply take?

Starscream: The supply of Dark Energon aboard this station is nearly exhausted.  I know how to manufacture more.  There was once an Energon Bridge that fed this station directly.  I know how to reconnect it.

Jetfire:  TRAITOR!  Zeta Prime will hear about this!

Jetfire transforms and flies out of the space station.  Thundercracker and Skywarp attempt to fire on him, but they miss and he escapes.

Starscream: Shall I send Thundercracker and Skywarp to retrieve him… Lord Megatron?]

O: Who are here for some reason, now.

[Megatron: No.  I want the Autobots’ leader to know his doom approaches.  Once we have this station online, nothing can stop me!  Now go.  Find this Energon bridge and reactivate it… for your new master.

Starscream, Thundercracker, and Skywarp all transform and fly off, heading towards Cybertron.  We cut to a glowing purple Decepticon badge on Starscream’s wing, and the chapter ends.]

S: Is this the end of the first chapter?

O: I believe so, cuz they think maybe the next chapter is playing as the Seekers.  Anyway, uh, this has been Afterspark Podcast doing a Let's Play.  I'm Owls!

S: I'm Specs.

[silence]

O: Uh...

C: Oh, I'm Chezni.

A: [laugh]

O: See ya next time-

C: Who am I?

O: Who am I?  Who are you?  Have a good day folks, bye!

C: Bye.

S: Bye.

[Outro Music]