#but after she hugged a certain somebody I am ready to throw hands with her

[angstigone]

I am not active on such a theme because idk whether this is the place but proud to be italian because our judo female champion won her match against a certain non-state and kissed her girlfriend right in front of everybody.

very disappointed instead of being represented by somebody, instead, during boxing who didn't even respect her adversary enough to properly give them a fight and used the space to further fuel hate and ignorance.

[fortuositywritings]

Tattoo Heart

Summary: Tony and you make a dumb drunk decision. He gives you a tattoo.

“Um, what the hell, Tony! You said it wasn’t that bad.”

“It’s not! It’s well-proportioned. Really it’s the best heart I’ve ever drawn. I don’t know why you’re so upset. It could have been worse.”

“The heart isn’t the problem. You tattooed Wanda’s name on it!”

“Yeah, I can see why you’re mad.”

You poked your sore arm. Out of all places, he had to tattoo it on your arm above your elbow where everyone could see. Talk about bad placement.

You pout, “How am I supposed to hide this?”

“Baseball tee’s could make a comeback. You’ll be a trendsetter,” he suggests, not helping at all. 

You glare at him. “You’re paying for it to be removed.”

“I expected no less,” he concedes. You’re still touching the tender spot, frowning. He stops you. “Poking it is not going to make it go away.”

“Fuck! I’m never getting drunk with you again,” you vow. 

“You say that now, but come Friday night, whiteclaw in hand, you’ll have no recollection of this ever happening.”

“Getting a tattoo with your crush’s name on it is kind of hard to forget, Tony,” you spit out. He wears a sheepish smile. Speaking of the party on Friday, “Shit!”

“What?” Tony asks, clearly not processing the situation you’re in as fast as you are.

“Wanda’s gonna be there,” you remember.

“Well, yeah. It’s Pietro’s birthday party and they’re twins so,” he comments sarcastically.

“It’s a pool party. How am I supposed to hide this?”

“Just don’t get in the pool. Or you know what, just don’t go. Say you got sick,” Tony suggests.

“I can’t do that. She expects me to be there and I don’t want to let her down on her birthday,” you explain. Wanda had personally invited you to her party, saying you were going to be her partner for beer pong. 

“Fine. Don’t worry about it too much. We have all week to figure something out,” he reasons. You guess he’s right. No use in stressing too much.

Friday afternoon comes too fast.

You’re stressing as you look at yourself in the mirror. You look ridiculous. 

“You’re literally a genius and this was the best you could come up with?” you complain. You already feel yourself sweating. You hadn’t thought of what to wear. You only had your one piece bathing suit. Tony told you he had something and you trusted him. What he brought you, a long sleeve rashguard to wear over your bathing suit.

“Makeup was just going to wash off. We couldn’t chance it. This way, you can get in the pool,” he says. 

“I look like I’m going surfing, not a pool party,” you huff. 

“You look fine. If anyone asks, you burn easily. Now let’s go. Your girlfriend is waiting on you,” he rushes you along, grabbing your stuff for you. You throw on some shorts and slip on some sandals.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” you mumble, blushing as he pushes you out the door.

“Oh, I know. This wouldn’t be such a big deal if she was.” He closes the door.

Pietro opens the door for you and Tony. You both hug him and congratulate him on another year of being on this earth or as Tony puts it, “Congrats on being one year closer to death!”

Technically, their birthday is tomorrow but they always have a birthday dinner with their parents, so they celebrate with their friends either the day before or after. You and Tony hand Pietro your present for him. 

“Just don’t open it in front of your parents,” you warn. He decides to unwrap it right then. You roll your eyes at his impatience to wait until tomorrow. To his satisfaction it’s running shoes with a bottle of alcohol in each shoe. He laughs, thanking you for his present. He notices you looking around, searching for a certain somebody. He already knows who you’re looking for. 

“She’s in the kitchen,” he tells you, a smirk appearing on his face when you blush at being so obvious. You thank him and go find Wanda.

As Pietro said, she is in the kitchen fixing some appetizers to bring outside. What you weren’t prepared for was her already in her bikini, like she’s ready to jump into the pool. Her two piece bathing suit doesn’t leave much to the imagination but you’re quite the daydreamer it seems. You’re snapped out of your trance by Wanda clearing her throat.

She wears a smirk much like her brother’s and you splutter an embarrassed, “H-hi! Happy Birthday. You, uh, you look good. Great! You look ready for the pool.”

She smiles, amused by your awkwardness. “Thank you. You look ready for the beach.”

You blush. “Yeah, I burn easily,” you lie and quickly move on, handing her the present you got her. “Here.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” she says, but you shake your head. “Of course I did. It’s your birthday tomorrow. You can open it now if you want. Your brother did.”

“Unlike my brother, I can wait. Let me go put it in my room. I’ll be right back. Wait here,” she requests. You nod and she leaves with her present. You respectfully turn your gaze to the appetizers, not wanting to ogle her backside. 

“Cowabunga, dude! What the hell are you wearing?”

“No way. I almost wore the same thing. Good thing I didn’t or that would be embarrassing.”

You roll your eyes, turning around to see Sam and Rhodey, both clearly amused by their own jokes. You give them an unimpressed look and they laugh harder. 

“Haha. So very funny,” you deadpan.

“Seriously, Y/N, why are you wearing that? It’s like a thousand degrees,” Rhodey asks. 

“Maybe I’m insecure and you guys laughing just makes me feel worse? Maybe thought of that?” you retort, but neither buy it. They look at each other and start laughing. 

“Insecure, my ass. You almost give Tony Stark a run for his money in the size of ego,” Sam says between laughs. You just roll your eyes.

Wanda returns to find the guys pressing you about the long sleeves. 

“Hey, Wanda. I think you might have given Johnny Kapahala the wrong address. She’s gonna be late for the competition,” Sam jokes and you hate that you get the joke. Wanda doesn’t and looks adorably confused. All she knows is they’re referring to you so she looks at you for an explanation but you ignore her in order to throw your own remark.

“At least Johnny wasn’t afraid to swim at the beach,” you bite, making Rhodey and Wanda laugh and Sam take offense.

“There are sharks!” Sam defends himself, making you all laugh. 

The three of you help Wanda bring out the appetizers to the backyard. They’ve got a table and a bunch of chairs laid around. Wanda asks if you’d like a drink and goes to fetch one for the two of you while you greet other friends. 

“You didn’t want one?” You ask her when she returns with only one drink. “If we’re going to be beer pong partners, you can’t leave me drinking alone.”

She giggles and takes a swig from your drink. “Happy?” She asks when she returns the drink to you and smirks upon seeing the slight blush on your cheeks. 

You get a few more remarks about the rashguard but with a few drinks in everyone’s system, the pool is more enticing than poking fun at you. You didn’t plan to get in the pool but with a simple “come on” from Wanda, you’re cannonball jumping into the deep end. 

Once it’s dark, you all begin to vacate the pool in order to play games. You and Wanda play two games of beer pong seeing as neither of you are very good and you think you’ll surely be sick if you play another round. 

You eat, you dance, you sit around and talk to your friends, and Wanda is with you the whole time. It’s midnight and you’re right beside her as everyone sings for her and Pietro. She hands you the first slice of cake, which you eat standing up just to stay next to her as she cuts a piece for everyone. 

It’s nearing 2am as people begin to leave. Wanda and Pietro make sure everyone is getting home safely, either taking a LIFT or having a designated driver. You and Tony stay later to help the twins clean up, which they greatly appreciate.

Almost an hour later, the house looks as if there hadn’t been a party. You and Tony wish them happy birthday once more before he pulls out his phone to call an Uber. The twins insist you two stay, that it is way too late and they’d feel better if you do.

Tony wiggles his eyebrows discreetly at you when Wanda invites you to sleep in her room. You spare him a warning glance before following Wanda to her room. She offers you some pajamas and hands you a long sleeved tshirt like you ask. You excuse her questioning glance saying you get cold at night. 

You change in the bathroom. When you return, you find Wanda also in her pajamas sitting on her bed with the present you gave her earlier in her hand. 

“You want to open that now?” You ask, amused at her eagerness to open it.

“I mean it is my birthday now,” she reasons. You nod, closing the door and going to sit next to her. “Or is this one of those ‘open when you’re alone’ presents?”

You quirk an eyebrow. “What kind of presents are those?”

“One of those romantic ones like in the movies that show that you’ve always loved me or something,” she replies. Your palms feel sweaty all of a sudden with the way she stares at you. She reads the nervousness on your face and takes pity, continuing, “Or a vibrator.”

You burst in giggles. “Damn it. How’d you know?” you joke. 

It’s not a vibrator, obviously. You got her two necklaces, one gold with her name and the other sterling silver with her initials.

“I was going to just get you the gold one but then I thought maybe you wanted one to match all those rings you wear so, that’s why there are two,” you explain.

She puts the box aside and throws her arms around you, pulling you flush into her. “Thank you. I love them.”

“Are you sure? ‘Cause I could totally return those and get you a vibrator if that's what you want,” you laugh. She pulls back immediately, a frown on her face. 

“No, they already have my name,” she protests, pulling a chuckle from you. She hands you the golden one that says ‘Wanda’ and asks, “Will you put this one on me?”

At your nod, she twists around, turning her back to you and sweeping her hair up. You struggle with the clasp a little due to your nervousness, but you get it. Had you paid closer attention, you would have noticed how Wanda shivered at your touch. 

She turns back around and you admire her with your gift around her neck. “It looks great on you.” 

She leans toward you again and you assume it’s to give you another hug, which you wouldn’t mind one bit, but she doesn’t move her head to the side the way one does to hug someone. Her nose bumps into yours and you realize she’s going to kiss you. 

For some damn reason you pull away before her lips reach yours. She looks embarrassed and begins to apologize, “Sorry, I misread that. I thought with the present and the way you’ve been looking at me all day, shit.”

“No, you didn’t misread anything,” you reassure her. She relaxes. “Can we try that again? I was just nervous, but I’m ready now.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Wait.” You get up and make a show of shaking off the nerves and pumping yourself up before you sit back down. “Okay, now I’m ready.”

She giggles, grabbing your face and pulling you into her, kissing the life out of you. She moves to lie back on the bed and you follow her lead. You’re kissing and it’s getting hot and she tugs on your shirt. You remove it without a second thought. You begin kissing down her neck pulling sweet noises when you leave a love bite. She gasps and grips your arm, right above your elbow. 

You flinch in pain. The sudden intake of breath tips her off and she pulls her hand away. She asks worriedly, “Are you okay?”

You remember the tattoo and the fact that it’s not so hidden right now. You start to panic. “Yep, why? Are you okay?”

She narrows her eyes in suspicion, but you kiss her with the intention to make her forget. A minute later, she does it again, grabbing right on that spot. You try not to, but she hears the small groan and she pulls away. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“Wrong? Nothing’s wrong,” you lie. 

“Then why do you flinch every time I grab your arm?” She moves to grab your arm again to prove a point but you move it away.

“Nothing’s wrong with my arm,” you deny. She sits up and reaches for your arm. Once more you pull out of reach. 

“Y/N, let me see your arm,” she demands. 

“Okay.” You try to save yourself from some of the embarrassment by explaining, “But before you look, just know I did it on a drunken dare and I didn’t know until the day after what Tony actually wrote.”

That piques her curiosity and she shuffled around you to take a look at your arm. You can’t watch, so you hide your face behind the palm of your other hand. You expect her to either laugh at you or get upset, but moments pass and you don’t hear anything. 

You get the nerve to look over your shoulder at Wanda. She looks indecisive about what she wants to say, but she doesn’t look mad. Finally, she says, “I guess I don’t have to ask if you like me or not.”

You groan in embarrassment, hiding your face again. She laughs and pulls you into her as she lies back down. “Don’t laugh. It’s embarrassing enough getting your crush’s name tattooed on you. I don’t need her to actually make fun of me.”

“Aww, you have a crush on me?” she coos. 

You pull away, giving her a deadpan look. “No, I get girls’ names tattooed on me all the time.”

“Having your crush’s name tattooed is embarrassing,” she agrees.

You narrow your eyes, thinking she's just making fun of you now and that was the last thing you need but she continues, “So how about we say it’s your girlfriend’s name?”

Your eyes widen. Wanda bites her lip nervously, waiting for your answer, and that’s how you know she’s serious. You blush, “That would be less embarrassing.”

“I think so too. So what do you say?” She asks, wanting a clear answer.

“I would love to be your girlfriend,” you answer.

She smiles and kisses you. You can’t help the giddy laughter that comes after. 

“You know, he didn't do too bad. It’s pretty well-proportioned.”

[chefdoeuvre]

Aftermath

Jay Halstead

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Sister!Reader

Description: People always tend to forget about the aftermath.

Words: 2,122

Requested: yes by anonymous; second, if it's ok i wanted to request a part two to the imagine? i was wondering if you could just explore the aftermath of her assault, as she continues to heal and accept what's happened to her. by this i mean experiencing ptsd and having nightmares, flashbacks and dealing with certain triggers. also, maybe she could still sometimes turn to substances as many survivors do, and just break down sometimes. obviously since it's a halstead sister fic and i love the support system in the last story, i'd love to see jay helping her through everything and being super protective + some scenes with the rest of intelligence? but it's obviously up to you. thank you so much <3

Warnings: mention of drinking, sexual assault, drugs, language, PTSD, Jay Halstead and all of Intelligence being the best.

A/N: This is the long awaited part two to Infliction, and by long-awaited I mean like a month later. I tried to make the end light hearted because it seemed like a good way to go. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.

—

It had been a few weeks since the party and things were beginning to look up. You and Brayden started hanging out more and it was safe to say the two of you were on your way to becoming best friends. The group of guys had all been arrested and sent far away from you. You, Jay, and Will have been having more frequent family movie nights instead of them heading out to Molly's every free night they got. Intelligence had basically adopted you as one of their own and even went out of their way to hang out with you. Kim and Hailey had girls nights away from the ever-annoying guys they work with. Adam and Kevin practically chauffeured you to hangouts with Brayden and took you out to your favorite diner on the weekends. Even Hank had called you once in a while as a check-in and to keep you informed about your case. Overall things seemed to be getting better for you.

Except for one little detail. Your PTSD was hitting you like a truck. Of course, the only person who even remotely knew what was happening was Brayden because he was the one person you spent most of your time with. Thankfully he was there to help ground you and calm you down when it all became too much for you. This wasn't sudden, it's been building up since it happened and clearly you needed to work on accepting it rather than shoving it all down. That's one thing you and Jay had in common, the two of you always had trouble addressing your problems no matter how big they became.

Currently, you were laying in bed and staring up at your ceiling that Jay had covered in stars for you. If there was one thing about you is that you still are a child at heart. You had been shocked awake by your recurring nightmare. It always followed the same premise of the night of the party but every night there were either different people, points of view, or different actions you took that still led you to the same outcome. There were dried tears staining your cheeks that you hadn't bothered to wipe away and every few moments there would be a soft sniffle to break the eerie silence.

Having enough of staring up at your ceiling you let out a low huff and pushed yourself up to a sitting position. You turned to the side and looked at the clock resting on your nightstand. The clock read 4:19 AM which was clearly too early for you to be up but too late for you to try and go back to sleep before Jay's rustling while getting ready would wake you up. Reaching over to open the drawer in your nightstand you checked the small bottle hidden under the glasses case that held your blue light ones. It was three-quarters full of vodka you had inconspicuously stolen from Jay's cabinet. You kept promising yourself that you wouldn't drink anymore, but clearly, that wasn't really panning out in your favor. Sure you would have a swig or two before braving yourself and heading off to school but it was to take the edge off, not to get drunk.

If Jay were to check through your drawer he'd probably think otherwise. You had stopped with the pills since he had found you, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him so you continued to drink. Obviously, it wasn't a lot and definitely not enough to get you drunk off your ass. You just wanted to be buzzed enough to have the courage to walk into your dreaded school every morning and deal with the numerous triggers you kept on discovering.

Eventually, it was time for you actually start getting ready for school. Jay had already left for work a while ago, leaving a kiss on your head before stepping out the door. You pulled on a random outfit that was comfortable and your usual pair of shoes before throwing your backpack over your shoulder and walked downstairs. Deciding against your worst judgment you made the choice to brave the day without the buzz of alcohol. Waiting at the front entrance of your building was Brayden. Like every morning the two of you would walk to school together if Jay had to go into the district early. If Jay only had paperwork that day he would drive the two of you to school instead, but that didn't happen very often.

The two of you walked to school silently, only exchanging a few words of greeting. Once you had made it to the large building you both had to split up for your classes. The day went on like usual, boring teachers droning on about upcoming assignments and tests. Lunch had arrived after what seemed like forever and you sat at an empty table practically half asleep. You held your head in your hand as you kept your eyes from slipping shut at the exhaustion.

"You not feeling too hot there?" One of your classmates from English asked as he passed by.

You froze at the familiar words before shaking yourself out of the memory.

"Fine, just tired." You brushed off their comment as he nodded with an understanding smile before continuing to his table.

Moments later the door opened and you picked your head up reluctantly. It was a few guys on the football team.

"You not feeling too hot there?" One of the seniors asked you.

You simply shook your head which only worsened the pain in it. The boys walked a few steps closer before placing their hands on your shoulders. They shoved you back onto the bed and immediately your body began to react.

You kicked and punched aimlessly to get them off of you but your movements were uncoordinated and your mind was foggy. There were too many of them and they began to overpower you, their hands wandering to unwanted places.

“Y/N?” Brayden’s voice pulled you out of the flashback.

“Huh?” Your teary eyes darted around his face before focusing on his concerned expression.

“Let’s head to the library, all right?” Brayden suggested already standing up from his seat across from you.

You nodded silently before hiking your bag over your shoulder and walked to the library beside him. Luckily at your school, they were lenient enough to let you head to the library during lunch. Usually, the kids didn’t take advantage of it but it was an unspoken spot of peace for you and Brayden.

The two of you sat at a table near the back and Brayden pulled a chair up beside you.

“Want to talk about what happened back at lunch?” Brayden asked softly.

You bit your lip in contemplation. This had been happening for weeks and every time you’d shake your head and change the subject. But the fact was it wasn’t getting better and you just needed to tell somebody that you weren’t okay. A few tears slipped out of your eyes which led to quiet sobs escaping from your lips. Brayden offered you a hug with outstretched arms, making sure to check if you were okay with it. You leaned forward into his embrace and squeezed his waist tightly. He held you there while rubbing soothing circles on your back until your cries stopped. You lifted your head off his chest and wiped away the remained tears on your cheeks before speaking up.

“Uh, flashbacks. I’ve been getting them for a while. I thought they’d go away, but they haven’t.” You explained with a sigh, avoiding his gaze and instead taking interest in your hands.

“Okay first, if they happen again tell me, or pull on my sleeve and I’ll get you somewhere quiet. Got it?” Brayden bent his head to try and get into your eye line.

You nodded your head with a hum before he spoke up again, “since they haven’t gone away maybe you should talk to someone. Preferably a professional, but if you’re only comfortable telling me then I’m all ears. Although, I’m not sure that I can cure you with magic, wish I could though.” Brayden tried to lighten the mood with his magic comment.

“Thanks, Brayden. Jay actually has been bugging me about seeing a therapist. Said it helped him with his PTSD, I think I might take him up on it.” You looked up at the boy with pursed lips.

“That’s good. Just know we’re not trying to force you into anything, we just want you to feel better however long that may take.” Brayden gave you a soft smile.

“You are wise beyond your years, you know that?” You smiled back with a small laugh.

“I try, I try.” Brayden shrugged nonchalantly.

“Can you come with me to the district after school?” You asked cautiously.

“Of course, not like I’d rather do my homework.” Brayden laughed.

“And there’s the Brayden I know.” You smiled widely.

Soon enough you and Brayden had been making your way to the twenty-first district to talk with Jay and probably the rest of Intelligence. The air was lighter between the two of you once you had finally started to open up. Of course, you hadn’t spilled everything but the little you had told him made the weight on your shoulders lessen slightly.

“Ah, baby Halstead and company, what brings you here?” Trudy greeted from the front desk with a tight-lipped smile. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, she had a soft spot for you.

“Can you ring us upstairs? I need to talk with Jay.” You asked.

“You’re lucky they haven’t caught a case today.” Trudy walked out from behind her desk and led you and Brayden upstairs.

“Thank you, Trudy.” You smiled and followed the woman.

“I have a special delivery for Detective Chuckles.” Trudy spoke up once the three of you reached the top of the steps.

Jay’s head snapped up from his desk with a look of confusion when his eyes landed on you. He quickly stood up and scanned you over for anything.

“What happened, are you all right?” Jay cupped your cheek in concern before sparing a glance at Brayden for any sign of something bad.

“I’m okay, I just needed to talk to you.” You reassured him.

“All right. You wanna head into the kitchen?” Jay asked.

“No, we could talk at your desk. They’re all gonna find out anyway.” You gestured to the rest of the unit who was watching the two of you intently.

Jay nodded his head and led you to his desk. You reached out and held onto Brayden’s arm as you pulled him along to take a seat and sit beside you. Of course, at this, the entire unit had gathered around with concerned faces once you started to explain to them. Jay’s expression was held with soft eyes as he listened to you agree with wanting to try therapy and asking for help.

Once you were done Jay stood up and placed a kiss on the top of your head before whispering into your hair, “I’m proud of you.” Jay pulled away to give you a warm smile.

“All right come here you little muffin.” Kim held out her arms with a smile.

You stepped forward into her embrace as she squeezed you tightly, she rocked the two of you from side to side eliciting a small giggle out of you. Hailey joined the hug with a laugh once Kim pulled her by the arm.

Antonio placed a hand on your shoulder once you, Hailey, and Kim pulled away, “I’m proud of you, kiddo.” He offered you a kind nod.

“So proud.” Kevin gave you one of his signature bear hugs.

“Okay, it’s my turn.” Adam squeezed his way to stand in front of you. Which caused everyone to laugh at his eagerness.

“I could never forget about you, Ruz.” You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as he lifted your toes off the ground.

“Are we done yet? You guys are treating my sister like an attraction.” Jay sassed.

“You’re just mad that you only got to kiss me on the head and not a hug.” You retorted from leaning back into Brayden with a smirk.

“No, not true.” Jay shook his head with furrowed brows.

“Yup, totally jealous.” You nodded convinced.

“How did we go from a serious topic to Halstead and mini Halstead having a sarcasm battle?” Adam questioned with a confused expression.

“I learned to stop questioning it.” Brayden shrugged from behind you.

“It’s how we cope. Halstead thing, I guess.” You said with raised brows.

“Fair enough.” Jay sighed.

[marvelsbanner]

Someone to You

Summary: The newest Avengers recruit feels out of place and alone after her life changes so rapidly, but she’s not as alone as she thinks. Based off of the song Someone To You by Banners. 

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x y/n, you

Warnings: None! Slight angst? Internal angst? Mostly fluff, enjoy <3

Word Count: ~1300

A/N: Reblogs, likes, and comments are VERY much appreciated, all mistakes are my own! xx (It’s late and I'm tired, there may very well be a few mistakes)

**I don’t own marvel, and if I did Natasha would still be alive**

And if the sun starts setting, the sky goes cold Then if the clouds get heavy and start to fall I really need somebody to call m own I wanna be somebody to someone

The stars twinkled brightly over that New York City skyline. The streets were busy, but the air was still. It was cold- the setting sun taking away any warmth it brought as it slipped away. You were hugging your knees to your chest, chin resting on your arms. You could see the steady puffs of your breath in front of you. The fire escape wasn’t truly meant to be used as a balcony, but you found yourself out here more nights than not. Stark was throwing one of his annual parties, it was nice, if that’s your sort of thing. Dresses and button-ups instead of metal suits, champagne smiles plastered on for a single night every other month or so. Not really your cup of tea. You smiled and sipped at the glass of whatever was thrust into your hand when you walked in, but you slipped out as soon as you could. Unnoticed, like always.

Dive and disappear without a trace I just wanna be someone Well, doesn’t everyone?

Being around large groups of people made you anxious. It was too loud, too busy, too warm- you kind of wish you had some of that warmth now, though. The wind nipped at your exposed skin, the long emerald green dress left your arms and most of your neck and chest exposed. You looked out at the twinkling lights of the city before you. You heard footsteps approaching the open window before the fire escape creaked eerily loud as a body slipped next to yours and a blanket wrapped over your shoulders. You greedily huddled into its warmth. “Hey, you” you greeted, not moving from your huddled position. “Hey you, I saw you slip out. I know you usually like to be left alone out here, but I come barring gifts” Natasha lifts up a hand holding her strappy black heels and a bottle of champagne. You give a small smirk in response, but make no reach towards the bottle. The air is frigid and still around the pair of you; you can feel her eyes on your side profile and you almost squirm out of self-consciousness, but you stop yourself. There was no need to with her, really. She’s seen you at your highest and lowest moments. You fall into silence for a few minutes- you wouldn’t call it comfortable, but it wasn’t uncomfortable either. It was heavy, a million words floated between you that had yet to be spoken.

This wasn’t the first time she had followed you out onto the escape, no, the first time was a panic attack the first week you joined- she wrapped her arms firmly around you as you rode it out, whispering sweet nothings in Russian. The second time was after a particularly rough mission that left you feeling like a disappointment to the team. She wasn’t one for giving advice or pep-talks, but just having her there with you gave you a semblance of comfort. It wasn’t anything she did- it was just her. Just Nat, it was always Nat.

I’ll make the moon shine just for your view I’ll make the starlight circle the room And if you feel like night is falling I wanna be the one you’re calling ‘Cause I believe that you could lead the way

The two of you had been sitting in silence for so long her voice startled you when she broke it, “When I first joined the team, this was my fire escape.” You finally turn to face her at her comment, but she was now looking out at the skyline, champagne bottle resting in her hands as her legs dangled through the bars and over the ledge. “Not literally of course, but I was always out here. I was always on edge, it was my training. Never trust anyone, even the people closest to you. Especially the people closest to you,” Her throat seemed to catch, but she covered it by taking a swig from the bottle, her ruby red lips barely touching the rim as she leaned her head back. She looked dazzling in the moonlight. “I tried so desperately to shut the rest of them out, but they continued to push against me. Continued to prove to me again and again that I could trust them. I never had that before- someone to rely on. Someone to call family, somewhere to call home. But I found that here.” She finally turns to meet your eyes, glazed over with ghosts of the past and other emotions threatening to spill over the surface. “I was constantly ready to run. I was nobody before this- I was only the assassin they made me to be in the Red Room. But here I am,” She gave a sad, small smile and you tried to meet it but you still didn’t understand why she was telling you all this- “I see the way you are, Y/N. I see a lot of myself in you. You always look ready to run, ready to disappear without a goodbye. You have this look- this look of longing for something more, you feel like you’re nothing, like you have nothing, I know that look because I’ve been there too,” She reaches to intertwine your frigid hands and you let out a slight gasp of breath. “I know your deal with Fury is that you can leave at any time, no strings attached. But if you stay… I think you’ll find that you are somebody. Somebody to this team.. somebody to a certain fiery red-haired assassin.. But don’t tell her I said anything, she’ll kill me if you do” she winked and you both let out a chuckle that left the cold air around you cloudy with warm breath. “You can find your home here, I know you can, but you just have to give us a chance- give us some trust.” She gave your hand a squeeze with the final words. Her eyes are locked on yours, hands still intertwined and you realize she’s nervous to be saying this. This was the first time you had ever seen your teammate be so vulnerable, and you felt a million emotions swell inside of you at once. “Natasha, I-“ “You don’t have to decide right now.” She interrupted, “But just, consider it. You can open yourself up, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and be someone to this team. Or you can leave, you can keep searching for that missing feeling inside of you, but I have a feeling if you keep searching for the road home- you’ll find someday down the line that you were on it all along.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but her face and body were close enough to you that you could hear it over the city nightlife. A million things were swirling in your head that you wanted to say, tears threatening to prick at the corner of your eyes, but your voice caught in your throat. You couldn’t say anything- so you acted. You slowly lean in and press a chaste kiss to her soft lips, the hand that wasn’t intertwined with her own coming to rest on her cold cheek. It was over as soon as it started, sweet and short, but it shared all the words you couldn’t say on your own. “I’ll stick around for a while” you whisper, head against her forehead, nose brushing nose, before leaning your head on her shoulder and looking back out into the night, a small smile on your face- a flicker of hope before you that you hadn’t seen in a long time. She made no move to get closer, only leaned her head against your own and looked out into the night with you, looked out into the future of what was to become of the team and the two of you.

[letarasstuff]

The Music of Love

(A/N): This is requested by several anons and it’s based on that post. I got a bit caried away, but I hope you like it 👉🏻👈🏻🥺

Summary: When Spencer’s daughter voices an interest in playing the piano, he is exatic to teach her. After all, it’s their music of love Wordcount: 1.3k

✨Masterlist✨ __________________________________

After the case with the autistic boy, who communicated with him over playing piano, Spencer found a new meaning in this particular instrument. He grew fond of it, started learning how to play it properly without just doing the math.

Though he now has a few years of training he also knows that his skills are mediocre. Nothing astonishing but also nothing bad. It’s nice enough to listen to, but it is nothing you get to hear at an opera or orchestra.

For Spencer this doesn’t matter. He found a new love within the piano. A love he really wants to share with somebody else. Nobody in the team ever expressed an interest in it, so the man keeps it to himself, enjoying his own music alone.

Then his daughter comes around and Spencer is ecstatic. Finally he is able to share all his knowledge as soon as she is old enough.

“Daddy, I wanna play an instrument. Carl at kindergarten said he plays the drums. But I don’t like them, they are pretty loud and so unorganized. Can I learn something different?” The day has come for him. As a responsible father he waited until (Y/N) expressed herself interest in something, he doesn’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t like.

“It is disorganized, baby. Of course you can learn an instrument. Do you have any idea or do you want me to sign you in in anything?” Secretly Spencer hopes for one certain sentence.

“I want to play the piano like you, Daddy. Can you teach me?” The girl’s decision is made by two simple reasons: One, Spencer is her number one role model and (Y/N) wants to be just like him. Two, she is pretty shy and doesn’t do good with meeting new people, so it would be better to be taught by someone, who she already knows.

“Of course, Sweetheart. What about we start after lunch? When you eat everything up I will teach you, deal?” This kind of bribe has to be used around (Y/N) since she has a habit of talking so much she forgets to eat her food and stops being hungry.

After a short moment of contemplating she shakes her father’s hand to confirm that they have in fact a deal.

Lunch consists of several slices of fruits and a sandwich in the form of a dinosaur. Spencer saw a cookie cutter for sandwiches and he couldn’t resist buying it. Since he told Penelope about it as she spotted his dinosaur lunch one day (his daughter insisted on having matching lunches, so she knows she will eat the same thing as her father), she gets the little family another cutter, whenever she sees one in the store.

After she ate everything on her plate, Spencer sits down with her in front of the piano in his room, pulling her on his lap.

“Ok (Y/N), are you ready for the basics?” The girl nods. This is enough for the father to go on about the notes, explaining to her the differences and tangenting to a few fun facts on the side. She sits quietly beside Spencer, concentrating on his words and their meanings. “Do you want to play something?” “Can you show me a tune first, Daddy?”

He decides on something simple, playing a few notes from a children's song. After watching intently, (Y/N) plays the exact same notes. Spencer smiles. “You did really good today, Sweetheart. What about we continue tomorrow?”

From then on they practise on the piano everyday. Or rather any day Spencer is there in the afternoon after Kindergarten.

For several weeks now Spencer feels like he only comes home to sleep in his bed for a few hours. The team jumps from case to case, never being at home for more than two days in a row.

This also burdens everyone’s family life. (Y/N) lives with Penelopefor the most part, whenever her father is on a case overnight. One evening she asks her Auntie while picking at her dinner with tears in her eyes: “Auntie Penny, does Daddy not love me anymore?”

The tech analyst’s heart broke into pieces. Seeing her god daughter in so much emotional pain and not being able to do anything than trying to convince her she is so much loved, makes her sad.

“Oh no, my sweet sweet summer child. Your father loves you so much, he just has to be away so often to catch the bad guys and girls. He wants to make the world safer for you”, Penelope tells her while cradling the girl in her arms. A few tears escape (Y/N)’s eyes.

“But Charles told me today he is away, because he can’t stand me. Am I a bad girl? Was I naughty? I promise I will be better, when Daddy comes back.” It takes everything in the woman to not break out in tears herself.

She pets her hair and presses a kiss on it. “Charles is only jealous his father isn’t a hero like yours is. You weren’t bad or naughty, him being away is not your fault. He helps other people and you with his job.” (Y/N) looks up at the blonde.

“Daddy is a hero?” She asks in a small voice, streaks of tears still visible on her face. “The best out there”, Penelope confirms and hugs her tightly. “Now come on, your dino nuggies get cold.”

The next day comes with a great surprise for the small child. “(Y/N), your Dad is here to get you”, her teacher calls out for her. “DADDY!!”

“Hey Sweetheart”, Spencer picks his daughter up, holding her close. “You are back”, she murmurs into his neck, burying her head there. “I am. God, I missed you so much.” “I missed you, too”, she whispers.

“Come on, let us go home.”

On the ride back to their apartment (Y/N) is conspicuously quiet. But Spencer doesn’t pressure her. Maybe she just has to realize he is back. Maybe she is tired. There are a million reasons for a not talking child. Still, the father has a feeling in his gut that it is not that her nap didn’t last long enough.

“Hey, do you wanna practise playing the piano with me?” He asks her after settling down at their home. But (Y/N) does something that has never happened before: She shakes her head no.

Spencer is taken aback by her reaction. Usually she already sits on the chair in front of it before he even finishes his question. But today she isn’t in for it.

“What is it, Baby? Why are you so sad? Are you mad at me?” He crouches down in front of his daughter, who took a seat on the sofa. With teary eyes she looks up at him, since her father is still towering over her.

“Why do you don’t love me anymore? What did I do?” She knows she asked the same questions Penelope yesterday. She already told Spencer about (Y/N)’s worries. But these are the kind of words you can’t prepare for before hearing them.

“Sweetheart, I love you more than anything in this world. You didn’t do anything, there isn’t anything that you can do to make me love you less. I know I’m away a lot but I promise you, the next two weeks are just about the two of us. You aren’t going to Kindergarten, we are going to spend some time together, ok?” Tears threaten to fall down his face.

When Spencer heard about this boy being mean to his daughter, he was furious. But he knew there is not much that can be done. So he opted for showing this child that (Y/N) has the best father in the world. Immediately he asked for two weeks of vacation, which Hotch approved without even thinking.

“Just you and I?” The girl asks hopefully. After a confirming nod, she throws herself at Spencer, hugging him tightly.

“Do you wanna play now?” This time the question is met by excitement. Spencer sits (Y/N) down on his lap. Together they play a four handed piece of music, pouring all their emotions in it. Because they don’t need words to be said to feel each other’s mood. It’s enough to share a burning passion.

Taglist x child!reader:

@ilovetaquitosmmmm

[flourgirl]

Sick of Losing Soulmates

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Months after you and Peter have broken up, you run into each other at Harry’s Christmas party.

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Both fluffy and angsty. Mentions of alcohol and sex. A mild amount of curse words.

A/N: I’m ALIVE! I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season, and Merry Christmas to everybody that celebrates it! I am so happy to be able to share my work with all of you! Enjoy <3

“And maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece Till you tore it all up” -All Too Well, Taylor Swift

He wasn’t supposed to be here. Harry had promised you that his roommate would be spending the holidays with May back in Queens. But here he was, wearing the sweater that you had given him last year with his arm snaked around another girl’s waist.

“Hey!” Betty grinned, throwing her arms around you. She had a half-empty glass of mulled wine that you could tell was doing a good job of getting her tipsy. “I’ve missed you so much, Y/N. We never see each other anymore.”

She pouted, a pair of reindeer antlers where her signature black headband usually sat. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” you assured her, still staring at Peter effortlessly carrying the conversation with a bunch of people you didn’t recognize. “Uh, who’s the girl with Peter?”

“Gwen Stacy,” she muttered, obviously not a very big fan. You figured it was because there was only room for one preppy blonde girl, and Betty didn’t feel like sharing that position with anybody else. “Don’t worry though! It’s nothing serious. Peter actually hasn’t really dated anybody ever since the two of you…”

Her voice trailed off as you locked eyes with her, silently communicating for her to drop the subject. It was a relief to know that he hadn’t moved on, but the fact that he was wrapped up in a fling with somebody else still made your heart hurt.

“Come on, Y/N. I’m sure MJ and Ned would love to see you! They’re over in the kitchen.” She reached for your hand, dragging you along through Harry’s expertly decorated apartment. 

You dropped the box of cookies that you had baked on the counter before tapping MJ on the shoulder. She was turned away from you, lecturing Ned on why his secondhand Beyblades were not acceptable Christmas presents.

“Who the hell is touching me?” she snapped, turning around with a look on her face that told you she was ready to throw hands. “Holy fuck. Y/N! How long have you been here?”

MJ’s frown faded into a smile as she pulled you into a side-hug, her other hand busy nursing a glass of Harry’s infamously terrible eggnog. “Only a few minutes,” you laughed, your face smushed into her torso. 

“Hi,” Ned piped up, offering a small wave. You could tell he didn’t really know where he stood ever since his best friend basically ripped your heart out and threw it on the floor. Well, it wasn’t actually that dramatic, but he had a flair for exaggerating stories. “Remember me?”

“Of course, stupid,” you grinned, offering a fist bump that he happily accepted. “How could I forget those iconic fits of yours?”

“True,” he said, popping his collar and doing a little twirl that made Betty and MJ roll their eyes. “You look pretty fly too, though.”

“Thanks,” you replied, holding the edge of your dress as you curtsied, something you and Ned had made a habit of doing as the so-called best dressed members of the group.

“You two are just as ridiculous as ever,” Betty mused, happy to see you still fit in just as perfectly as when you were Peter’s girlfriend, even if you weren’t around as much.

The reunion was interrupted by the loud chatter of a certain couple, and your heart sank as you watched a very drunk Peter and Gwen stumble towards the kitchen, a giggling mess. They situated themselves under the archway that separated the two rooms, a piece of mistletoe conveniently hanging above them. 

You could tell that MJ was ready to put a stop to her friend’s embarrassing behavior, and the looks on Ned and Betty’s faces told you that they had no intentions of holding her back. 

“They’re so gross,” MJ complained, setting down her untouched cup before excusing herself to drag Peter out of his drunken makeout session. “I can’t believe he’d do that when you’re right here!”

“Wait, MJ,” you blurted, grabbing onto her wrist to stop her. She turned to face you, her eyebrows furrowed. “It’s okay. I don’t care about it. I’m just going to head to the bathroom, alright? I’ll be right back.”

You did your best to stop yourself from tearing up, although you realized you had made the utter mistake of forgetting that the very arch that Peter and Gwen were sucking each other’s faces under was the only way out of the kitchen.

Not even a few moments of you awkwardly standing next to them, occasionally clearing your throat, made them notice you. Eventually, the discomfort grew too heavy, and you tapped Peter on the shoulder. He finally pulled away from Gwen, her lipstick smudged across his mouth and a dazed look on his face.

Gwen whimpered at the loss of his kiss, obviously annoyed at the random girl that had just interrupted them. As soon as Peter recognized that it was you, he stepped away from her, wiping his mouth and fixing the hair she had been running her hands through, just like you used to.

“Y/N. I didn’t know that you’d be here,” he reasoned, a blush spreading across his face as a sense of regret settled into his stomach. 

“Obviously,” you sighed. This wasn’t the Peter you knew—the sweet, shy one that you had fallen in love with. “You guys are blocking the hallway, by the way.”

“Shit, sorry,” he stammered, stepping aside to allow you to pass in between them. He followed you, leaving Gwen irritated and confused as to who you were. “Y/N. Can we talk later?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Nice sweater, though,” you quipped, not even turning back to meet his gaze before climbing the stairs towards the guest bathroom. Everything felt all too familiar, memories of you and Peter stumbling up the same steps after a date flooding your brain.

The first time Peter had kissed you was after MJ’s birthday party. Neither of you had been drinking, since you hated alcohol and Peter refused to touch any before he turned 21. This meant that you got to spend the whole night laughing at everybody else’s drunken mischief. 

In the middle of his performance of some Nicki Minaj song, Ned managed to spill a whole can of beer on you and Peter, which resulted in many cheers as the two of you ran to his room to grab a change of clothes. Shirts came off, confessions were made, and the party went on without you guys.

You took a deep breath, shutting the bathroom door behind you and sitting on the edge of the bathtub. If you had known Peter would end up being here, you would have never accepted Harry’s invitation. There were so many old wounds being opened up that you had spent months trying to heal, and you weren’t sure some stupid Christmas party was worth it. 

But you didn’t want to leave. It wasn’t fair how much the break up had stolen from you. All of your friends were here and you were tired of shying away from going out with them anymore because you were too scared to see Peter. Too scared that you would never be able to stop being in love with him.

By the time you rejoined the rest of your friends, Harry was announcing that it was time to start the game of White Elephant. You bit the edges of your fingernails as the party guests filed into Harry’s living room, hoping that Peter wouldn’t somehow pick your present.

“What’d you bring?” you asked Betty, squishing in next to her on the couch. 

“Gift card to In-N-Out,” she giggled, satisfied that her present could only be used on the other side of the country. “But Harry’s rich friends might not have any trouble flying their private jets to California, so maybe I’m not as clever as I thought.”

“Heard that,” Harry said, leaning behind you on the edge of the couch. He placed a quick kiss on your cheek, something the two of you had always done as friends but stopped once you started dating Peter. “Hey, Y/N. Glad you could make it.”

“Hey, you,” you replied, smiling back at him, your leg bouncing impatiently. “We doing this thing or what?”

“Yeah, yeah, give me a minute,” he laughed, running out of the room. Moments later, he came back wearing a fake beard and a Santa hat, complete with a miniature sack of toys. 

“Alright, boys and girls. Let’s get this game started! Hopefully you all know the rules, but I’ll repeat them anyway. I draw a name out of the sack, you pick a random present and open it up for everybody to see. The next person that goes can either steal your gift or pick a new one. If your gift gets stolen, you get to do the same. No stealing twice!”

The first couple of people you didn’t really know, and they had all pulled presents that were relatively uninteresting. A scented candle, toilet paper, a pair of socks. Nothing you really considered worth stealing, although Ned ended up taking a framed, autographed photo of Harry from MJ, which resulted in her stealing Gwen’s mini waffle iron.

By the time it was your turn, there weren’t many gifts left. Going with your gut, you grabbed the bag covered in glittering polar bears. Reaching past all of the tissue paper stuffed inside, you pulled out a red sweatshirt that you unfolded to see had a large graphic of Spider-Man printed on it. 

“Oh,” you said, a little confused. The only people you knew that wore stuff with the Avengers on it were little kids, but you figured that was part of the joke. “I mean, I prefer Captain America, but thanks, whoever this is from!”

Peter’s face blushed to a shade of red, amazed that out of all the presents, you picked his. The only issue was that you didn’t know that he was actually the guy on the front of it. Nobody except Ned knew, although he was sure that MJ and Harry had caught on to his secret identity by now.

“Okay, two people left. Jake, you’re up next, buddy,” Harry called out, happily bouncing around the room, his Santa hat now replaced with a baseball cap that had “I Love Ned!” embroidered on it. You watched nervously as he walked around the room, eyeing up all of the presents before settling on the tiny, golden box that you had placed under the tree when you first arrived.

“Let’s see what we’re working with,” he smirked. Your thoughts raced, immediately feeling a sense of regret over the gift you had picked. “Oh, shit. Sweet! I’ve got a date with Y/N!”

“Sup, baby,” Jake continued, his words slightly slurred. He pointed at you and winked, and you offered him a polite smile in return. “We’re gonna have a good time. Just name the time and place and I got you.”

“Awesome, congrats, man,” Harry said, obviously ready for the game to be over. It had been going for way longer than any of you had expected, mostly due to the fact that two girls wouldn’t stop arguing over a piece of rose quartz. “Okay, we’re nearly finished, guys. Peter, you’re up. Pick any of the gifts that haven’t been stolen yet, or the last one under the tree.”

You locked eyes with him, a familiar scowl on his face that told you he was thinking really hard about which gift to pick. His spidey-senses felt your heartbeat pick up as he walked around the room before stopping in front of Jake, who was busy gloating to his friend about how “hot” you were. Your face heated up as you watched Peter take the little note that you had written out of Jake’s hands, smugly gesturing for him to pick up the present under the tree.

He waved sheepishly at you, and you felt both relieved and angry at his decision. Did you want to go on that date with Jake? No. Were you still mad that, technically, you now had to go out with your ex-boyfriend? Yes.

The game ended and the party-goers dispersed throughout the apartment. You lingered in your spot on the couch, your arms crossed and heart full of mixed emotions. Peter, whose gaze never strayed from you, walked over to where you were sitting.

“We don’t actually have to go out,” he whispered, hoping that you’d actually look at him this time. “I just didn’t think you wanted to go out with that guy. He seemed like kind of an asshole.”

“Yeah, well, it would have been nice if you let me decide that. You’re not my boyfriend, anymore Peter. We aren’t even friends. You don’t get a say in who I go out on dates with,” you grumbled, your eyes focusing on everything in the room except for him.

Before you could say anything else, Peter had already grabbed you by the hand, dragging you away from the rest of the party. Strangely enough, you went along with it, a little curious to hear him out.

You started to remember your first date, and it was almost like you could hear his excited laughter after you finally managed to knock a pin down. It became a tradition that whenever you had something to celebrate, Peter would pick you up and twirl you around until you had to beg him to stop.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Peter slamming the door behind him and cornering you against it, his heartbeat racing. He had pulled you into the laundry room. “I can’t stand seeing you with anybody else,” he panted, eyes flickering down towards your mouth.

His hand pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear, and your breath hitched as you felt his rough fingertips against your skin. But before he could lean in to kiss you, you were ducking underneath his arm and backing away.

“Peter, we really shouldn’t,” you whispered, watching the disappointment wash over his face. No matter how much you wanted to kiss him, you just couldn't forget how he had broken your heart months ago. “It’s over, okay?”

“Y/N, please. I—”

“You what? You love me? Because last time we were together, I told you how much I loved you and you said that we should break up. Remember?” you cried, embarrassed at how you couldn’t control your emotions anymore. “You’re just… you’re too late.”

You fumbled with the door, slipping through the opening before rushing towards the balcony. As soon as the cold air hit you, a wave of relief washed over your body, and you laid your head against the metal railing. Your breathing slowed and time seemed to stand still as you watched the snowflakes flutter through the wind.

“Peter’s an idiot,” you heard a voice call out from behind you. You turned to see Harry holding an extra coat in his arms, and you started to wonder just how long you had been standing out there. He draped it over your shoulders before leaning next to you against the balcony’s edge.

“Huh?” you asked, wondering if he knew what had just happened. You looked at him, the multicolored Christmas lights reflecting off his shiny hair. “What do you mean?”

“He’s stupid for ever letting you go,” he remarked. He had a look in his eyes that made you unsure of what he actually meant. “I mean, look at you. You’re so beautiful, and smart, and funny. And if he was dumb enough to throw all of that away, then yeah, Peter’s an idiot.”

“Oh, thanks, I guess,” you shrugged, your voice faint under the music that was still playing inside. You looked at him, his cheeks a rosy hue, which you couldn’t tell was from the cold or whatever he was trying to tell you.

“You know, I used to have the biggest crush on you,” Harry admitted, laughing a little bit at how nervous he was. Everybody knew that he was a player, so being flustered over a girl was uncharted territory for him. “I never told you this, but you were my first kiss.”

“Wait, really?” you asked, a little shocked at his confession. “But I thought you kissed Sarah Emerson on the playground in the fifth grade?”

“Nope. I was just a liar,” he grinned, running a hand through his hair. “It was right before our eighth grade formal, when you asked me to teach you how to kiss because you were scared that Jeremy Pellegrino was going to try and french you.

“Oh! I forgot all about that,” you laughed, suddenly remembering just how long you and Harry had been friends. “Hold on a second... You gave me kissing lessons without knowing how to kiss!?”

“Guilty,” Harry chuckled as you punched him on the arm. “Ow! Damn, Y/N. When did you get so strong?”

“I have a lot of rage,” you mumbled before the two of you burst out into laughter, which slowly faded into a comfortable silence. 

“You don’t feel that way anymore, right?” you wondered out loud. Harry looked at you, smiling softly.

“No, not anymore,” he affirmed, and you let out a sigh of relief. You knew what it felt like to love someone and not be loved back. “I think what really helped me get over it was seeing how happy you and Parker were when you were dating.” 

“He misses you a lot,” Harry continued, his tone more serious than before. “He keeps this scarf that you left behind under his pillow because it still smells like you. I found out because he was having a pretty bad dream one night and I had to try really hard to calm him back down. And we both thought Gwen would help him move on and get his mind off of you, but I think she only made him realize just how much he still loves you—”

“Harry,” you interrupted, cutting his rambles short. “Why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because you and Peter should be together.”

“You think so?” you asked him, pulling the jacket tighter to keep you warm.

“Yeah. We all do.” It took only seconds for Harry to realize his fumble, accidentally admitting that the whole thing had been planned by him and your friends.

“We?” Your frowned, all of the coincidences from tonight suddenly making much more sense. “Wait, did you know that Peter was going to be here tonight all along?”

“Uh… yeah, about that. MJ, Ned, and I have kind of been pulling a Parent Trap on you guys.”

“HARRY!” You glared inside to see them not-so-secretly watching the entire exchange from behind the Christmas tree. Ned did some awkward finger guns, which MJ immediately swatted down. “I am so going to get you guys!”

You marched inside to where your friends were attempting to hide, the rest of the party guests too drunk and oblivious to notice what was happening. 

“The eagle has left the nest. I repeat, The eagle has left the nest!” Ned yelled, ducking behind MJ, who was already shielding herself with a throw pillow.

“What’s going on?” Betty whined, half-asleep on the couch. “Is this that stupid plan about Peter and Y/N?”

“It’s not stupid!” Harry grumbled, his voice cracking a little bit. You could hear MJ snorting about it from her hiding spot. “Whatever, Michelle.”

“Shut up!” she shouted back.

“No, you!” he said, crossing his arms and standing his ground.

“Make me,” MJ said, narrowing her eyes and shooting daggers at him.

“Uh, guys. This isn’t about you two,” Ned interrupted, snapping them out of their mini argument. There was a weird tension between them that you just knew you would have to address some time in the future.

“Right,” MJ continued, sticking a middle finger up at Harry before turning to you. “Y/N. You should go talk to Peter.”

You nodded, exchanging hopeful looks with each of your friends before walking away. They might be dramatic goofballs, but you loved them so much that you didn’t really care.

Wandering around the party, you spotted Peter trapped in a conversation with Brad Davis, who was explaining his conspiracy theories about the Denver Airport and its demonic horse statue.

“So, all I’m saying is that they’re totally planning the end of the world over there. I mean, the Freemasons built an entire bunker for when they activate the nukes!” he rambled, Peter politely nodding along to his nonsense.

“Hey,” you said, tapping Brad on the shoulder and batting your eyelashes at him. “Can I borrow Peter?”

“Uh, yeah, totally, Y/N,” he stuttered, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards into a smirk. You could smell the peppermint Schnapps on his breath.

“Great. Thanks, Brad!” you smiled, grabbing Peter’s hand and pulling him towards the staircase. By the time you made it to his bedroom, he had already asked what was going on about ten times.

“Why’d you dump me?” you asked, the two of you sitting together on the edge of his bed, your knee brushing against his. He could tell you were wasting no time in getting to the point. “Be honest.”

He stared at the floor, unsure of how to answer your question. You reached for his hand, running your thumb across his knuckles until he looked up to see you smiling at him. His eyes were starting to water. “Just tell me, Peter. It’s okay.”

“I was scared,” he admitted, his voice breaking. “I was scared of how much I love you. I mean, Liz was just a crush, and Gwen was a hookup. I’ve only ever loved you, Y/N. Before we met, I had to watch May’s heart break day after day when we lost Uncle Ben, and when I realized how much I loved you... I just wasn’t sure if I could handle ever losing you like that. And so I felt like I needed to protect you from all of the people who would want to hurt you.”

“Hey, Peter. Calm down. I’m right here,” you whispered, wiping a tear from his face. You watched as his breathing slowed, eventually evening out. “Why would anybody want to hurt me?”

“Because…” he started, hesitating a little bit. “Because I’m Spider-Man.”

Your eyes grew big as you mulled over what he had just said. “Are you being serious right now?”

He nodded, feeling a weight lift from his chest. Your eyes followed him as he walked over to his closet, digging around through piles of clothes before he found what he was looking for.

“Holy shit,” you breathed out. Peter was holding up Spider-Man’s suit. His suit. The sweatshirt from earlier made a lot more sense now.

“I would never lie to you,” he said, folding it up and sitting back down. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I thought I was doing the right thing—that you’d be safe—but I was so stupid. I, uh, I think about you all the time. I worry whether you’ve gotten home alright and how your little brother’s doing and if your mom got the promotion that she wanted and—”

You cut him off with a kiss, something you had been dying to do ever since you shut his bedroom door. “I forgive you,” you sighed, gently playing with his hair.

Peter stared back at you, a grin slowly spreading across his face. “Does this mean that we’re back together?”

“Yep,” you confirmed, before leaning into another kiss. And another. And another.

“Wait,” Peter said, breaking away from you. “I have a present for you. It’s actually from when we first started dating, but I was waiting until Christmas to give it to you.”

He moved to his desk, digging through one of the drawers before pulling out a flash drive. “Here it is,” he smiled, dropping it into your hand. It had your name scribbled on it next to a cat sticker. “It’s a playlist. Of all the songs that make me think of you. I think it’s got around a hundred on there?”

“Wow,” you beamed, marveling at the little piece of plastic in your hand. “You’re making me look bad. I didn’t get you anything.”

“Not true. You owe me a date, remember?” he reminded you, wiggling his eyebrows and pulling you into his lap.

“You’re right. Let me think,” you hummed, running through all the ideas of what the two of you could do. “Oh! I got it. The Central Park Squirrel Census for this year just got released. What if we analyzed the data? You could do the wrangling and I could do the visualizations!”

“I love you so much,” he laughed, pressing a kiss onto the tip of your nose. You giggled as Peter buried his face into your shoulder, his grip around your waist tightening. “But you are such a nerd.”

“I’m your nerd, Parker,” you agreed, leaning further into his embrace. “Always have been and always will be.”

—————-

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[cozy-the-overlord]

Dances and Daggers

Summary:   The Summer Festival is upon Asgard, as is the tradition of the dagger ceremony, where each unmarried gentleman chooses a lady to bestow with the honor of carrying his dagger for the night. As Prince Thor’s betrothed, Teki’s only goal is to accept his dagger with grace and hope that her violent stepfather doesn’t find fault with her in the process. But Prince Thor is unpredictable, and when he ignores his engagement on a whim Teki finds herself in a desperate situation. Luckily, Thor isn’t the only prince in Asgard…

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Chapter 14: The Reckoning

Previous Chapter  |  Next Chapter

Word Count: 2,438

Chapter Summary: With Loki gone, Teki finds herself reaching a breaking point.

A/N:  I’m sorry.

This chapter includes depictions of violence.

Thanks for reading!

TW: Graphic violence, child abuse

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae @moumouton4 @berriemalfoy @whatafuckingdumbass

if you want to be tagged, feel free to just send me an ask/message! :)

Read it on Ao3!

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Somehow, Teki managed to return to her rooms, although she didn’t remember how—she was fairly certain the Queen had offered to escort her back, but she wasn’t sure if she actually had or not. Perhaps she was in shock, or perhaps her mother’s training to keep a mannerly expression was rooted deeper than she realized, but some way or another Teki made it back to her bedroom before she completely fell apart.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. She sobbed into the front of her dress, the words circling her head in an endless chant. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair.

He was the only person she had, the only person she could talk to, the only person who would listen. He was the only place were she could smile, where she could stretch out and actually breathe instead of suffocating all alone laced into a crimson dress. He was the only person in her life that didn’t have to care about her and somehow the only person who did.

And they had taken him away.

It was clear that her mother and Osvald had known about it. The dressmaker debacle made sense now—it was all planned, to keep her and Loki from protesting until it was too late. That night, Teki face down on her bed, hiccupping into her pillow, listening them whispering outside her door.

“It’s a good thing,” her mother was saying. “Even with her throwing a fit about it. I’m glad the King agreed. He was just mucking everything up.”

Teki turned her head to the wall, staring but not seeing. Empty vials of poison danced across her vision.

Was Daddy mucking everything up too, Mama?

She was still sniffling that night when her door creaked open just a crack.

“Teki?” Brant’s voice was hushed, uncertain. “Can I sleep with you?”

She quickly wiped her cheeks, humming in quiet affirmation as she grasped for her responsible voice. “Did you have a bad dream?”

Ever since he had learned to walk, Brant had been sneaking into her room at night, fleeing his bed and the snarling creatures he was certain lurked in the darkness. He had only stopped this a few months ago, after Osvald found them curled up together one morning and spent breakfast ranting on about how Teki was turning his son into a recreant.

But tonight, Brant shook his head as he crawled under her covers.

She frowned. “Then what’s wrong?”

He stared up at her with wide eyes that glistened in the faint moonlight coming in from the window.

“You’re sad,” he said.

Oh, Brant. Teki pulled him close, and he hugged her back. She rested her cheek against his sandy hair. It was nice to have somebody to hold on to.

“Yes, I’m sad right now,” she murmured. “But it’s going to be okay. I promise. I’ll be fine.”

“I have to take care of you,” he whispered solemnly. “Prince Loki told me I’m s’posed to.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “Prince Loki?” she asked. “When did he tell you that?”

“He came while you and Mama were gone. He said they were sending him away and he had to talk to you. He said he’d be learning more magic things, so when he came back he’d be able to give me wings.”

Teki bit her lip. She wondered what he would’ve said, had he managed to get to her before they sent him off. She thought of the day of the Games, hidden away in the healer’s tent.

I don’t want you to marry my brother.

Next to her, Brant inhaled.“Teki?” he asked slowly, as if he were afraid to put the thought to words.“Do you think you could maybe marry Prince Loki instead?”

There was a lump in her throat as she pushed his bangs out of his face. “No,” she sighed. “It has to be Thor.” Saying out loud only made the cords around her heart pull tighter.

“I like Loki better,” he whispered, barely a breath.

Teki stared into the nighttime shadows. “So do I.”

Suddenly, Brant grinned through the darkness. "We could run away!” he hissed excitedly. “Prince Loki says there's secret tunnels all over Yggdrasil. We could go through one and meet Loki in Vanaheim!"

"Brant." She hadn't heard that one before, but it sounded like something the prince would tell her brother. Teki felt very tired. "That's just a story. They're aren't any secret tunnels."

"Yes there are! He told me where— I put them on my map!" He sat up, readying to crawl off the bed. "I'll show you!"

Teki pulled him back. She wished she had his steadfast belief in everything-- in magic wings and secret tunnels and happily ever after. As it was, all she could do was hold him closer. "It wouldn't work," she said. "They'd follow us and take us back. It wouldn't work."

For a moment, Brant seemed completely deflated, but then he perked up once again. “If I change my wish, do you think he could make it happen?” he asked excitedly. “Instead of the wings?”

Something about his face, the way hope seemed to radiate from his smile, crushed her even more.

“No,” she whispered. “Nothing’s going to change.”

…

The next week was less of a continuous period of time and more like a string of actions that looped over and over again. She dressed. She played piano for Frigga. She picked halfheartedly at her food. She waited for Thor to ask her to dance, then waited for him to move on once he had. She fell asleep to the empty throbbing of her heart.

Rinse and repeat.

Sometimes at night, she’d  pull Loki’s dagger from its sheath and stared at her reflection in the polished blade, running her hands over the golden snakes on the hilt and wondering what he was doing. He had said he had always wanted to study in Vanaheim. She wondered if he was enjoying it. She hoped he was. Somehow, the thought that he was just as miserable worlds away from her as she was here made Teki feel even worse.

Her mother tolerated her gloom for a bit, but by the end of the week it was clear she was ready to move on.

“I had an idea!” she announced one day after barging into her room without warning. Teki had barely any time to shove the dagger into her nightstand drawer, but luckily her mother didn’t seem to notice her scrambling. “You know those little white cakes you love, that they make for the Winter Festival? I was thinking that perhaps we could convince the chefs to make an early batch. We’re nearing fall after all, and I can’t imagine that they’d refuse a request from the Crown Prince’s bethrothed!”

Teki mumbled a nondescript reply. Speaking to her mother—even looking at her—had suddenly become one of the most difficult tasks throughout the day. She avoided it when she could.

“Or, perhaps the three of us could take a day trip to the countryside! Remember that little cove we visited when Brant was a baby?”

When Teki didn’t even bother to answer this time, her mother huffed indignantly. “Tekla, I am trying here. You can’t just sit and mope in your bedroom forever.”

“Why did you marry Osvald?” Teki asked suddenly. It had been a question that had clung to her like a shadow for the last few days, Loki’s words rattling in her head. Your mother had a plethora of other options. Why Osvald? Of all people?

For a moment, her mother was stunned into silence. She laughed nervously. “Well, your stepfather and I met, and we got along very well, and we felt that we liked each other very much—”

“I don’t believe you.” The Teki of last month—the Teki of last week—would have fainted at the thought of such bitter words, but now she didn’t even flinch.

Her face darkened into a deep scowl. “What do you mean you don’t believe me?”

She should’ve stopped there, but the simmering resentment that had been bubbling within her for so long had just found a vent.

“Why did you really marry him?” she snapped. “What did he do to get you to marry him?”

“Stop!” her mother snapped. “I’ve had enough of this from you! You’ve had your time to sulk, now we have appearences to maintain.” She stormed from the room, only pausing briefly in the doorway to spit one threat. “If you won’t listen to me, then perhaps you should have a talk with your stepfather.”

The door slammed as she left. Teki sat in silence as the vibrations echoed in her eardrums. She had the sudden urge to scream—just to scream, at the top of her lungs until the windows shattered and the very foundations of the palace shook—but she swallowed it.

…

It came to a head the next day. She had just taken Brant for a walk in the gardens—his idea, as he insisted that looking at flowers always made people feel better. It had been sweet sentiment, and Teki tried her best to smile for him as they strolled past the lake, hoping that her brother didn’t realize that the sparkling water only reminded her more of Loki.

When they returned to their apartment, Osvald was waiting just inside. His cold glare immediately screamed trouble, but it wasn’t until she realized what it was that he was holding that Teki’s chest turned to ice.

“I found your little hiding spot.” His voice was low and dangerous as he tapped her father’s journal against his other hand.

Teki didn’t say anything. She watched the journal swing up and down against his palm, hypnotized by the soft beat of worn leather against skin. Besides her, Brant whimpered, gripping her hand more tightly. She didn’t move. Something kept her frozen in place, but it wasn’t the usual chill of fear. No, a single thought broke through the fog in her mind as she watched her only physical memory of her father dance in Osvald’s hands.

How dare you.

“You stole from us,” he continued. “You went through your mother’s things and you stole from us.”

“I didn’t steal anything.” She felt Brant stiffen at her words. You didn’t talk back to Osvald. They both knew this. They both knew what would happen if you did. But the fire blazing within burned through her caution.

Osvald was seemed taken aback by her bitterness, but he recovered quickly. “No?” He stalked closer to her, waving the journal in her face. “You’re lying to me now? Is this what I’ve raised? A filthy, lying little thief?”

“I didn’t steal anything,” she repeated. Every instinct in her body was screaming at her to drop her gaze, but she held her glare into his glittering eyes. How dare you. “That book is my father’s. It belongs to me.”

His scowl deepened. “I am your father. And I will not tolerate this behavior—”

“You’ll never be my father.”

She cried out when his fist crashed into her abdomen, doubling over as pain exploded across her ribcage and air rushed from her mouth. Her stepfather grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her backwards, slamming into the door. Colors splashed across her vision as her head smacked against the wood. Before she could completely lose her balance, Osvald yanked her up by the front of her dress.

“You think you’re tough, don’t you?” he hissed, throwing her back to the floor. Somewhere in the background, Brant was sobbing. “Brave little bitch.” His boot collided with her chest. Teki’s pained scream almost drowned out the sickening crack from her ribs. His foot came down again.

Her chest was on fire.  

Teki coughed as she struggled to shield her abdomen, the taste of blood metallic and heavy on the back of her throat. He kicked her again, crashing against her lower back. When she gasped for her next breath, it felt like burning coals rushing down her airways.

“You never seem to learn, do you?” he snapped. She braced herself for the next blow, but instead her stepfather cursed.

Painfully, she craned her neck just enough to see her little brother pulling at Osvald’s arm.  “Stop it!” he cried, tears running down his cheeks. “Get away from her!”

No—

Teki fought to get up but her limbs weren’t working properly, everything was throbbing, she couldn’t move, she couldn’t breathe—

Brant shrieked in pain, a horrible screech that cut Teki to her very core. The room shook as a body hit the floor, Osvald growling words that she couldn’t hear over the pounding of her heart.

Get away him from Brant—get him away from Brant—

Her brother lay lifeless on the ground, Osvald towering over him like some malevolent spirit about to feast. Teki wasn’t sure how she made it to her feet, but once she did, she flung herself at her stepfather with the last shreds of strength she could muster.

He must not have been expecting her to move, because when she collided with him her meager effort was enough to send both of them tumbling to the ground. Her body howled as they hit the hard wood. She had barely enough time to gulp for air before Osvald had her pinned to the floor.

“Is that the game you want to play, you fucking cunt?” he snarled, his hand a vice around her neck. Teki thrashed against his grasp, but he only pounded her head against the floorboards. “Is this what you fucking wanted?”

She couldn’t breathe. Teki clawed at his hand in a panic as she battled for air, scanty gasps that were rewarded with a tighter grip.

She couldn’t breathe!

“Please!” she choked as his wild eyes bored into her. Her vision was going white around the edges. “Please!”

Osvald didn’t budge.

He’s going to kill me.

Tears flooded the corners of her eyes, running down the sides of her head.

Dead dead dead dead dead dead—

Please! she screamed in her head, for her voice no longer worked. Please! Mama! Norns! Somebody!

But it was only Osvald, panting down at her with eyes as black as Hel—

I don’t want to die!

Only Osvald, sneering mouth twisted in laughter because he knew no one else was coming—

… please …

But there was nothing. Even her stepfather dissolved into a million bits of sparkling glitter as Teki faded away into the white abyss.

[heathsbitch]

Treat You Better ➳ PEAKY BLINDERS

xxix. NEW BEGINNINGS

          Grey surrounded the girl. Everything was the same, every colour was the same, every day was the same. Ivy had lost count of the days she'd been stuck in that  cell. How many days had it been since she was arrested? Since she'd seen her family? Since she'd seen Finn, or Michael? A couple, a few, weeks, months, years? No, it couldn't be that long even though it felt that way. She could feel her mind slowly spiraling out of control. Her thoughts were no longer straight, she didn't eat much of the food that was rarely provided for her. There was only three things keeping her sane in that tiny cell of hers. The thought of seeing Finn again, explaining everything to him, finally being with him properly. The thought of seeing Michael again, safe and unscathed. But she was unsure of whether her relationship would continue down the same path if she did get with Finn. It was a situation she had ample time to think about, yet she just couldn't come to a conclusion. The final thought that kept spurring Ivy on...

Killing Tommy Shelby. Getting revenge for what he'd done to the girl, to Polly, to Arthur, John, and Michael. She would get payback, one way or another.

But for now, she was stuck in that prison cell. Lying on her back, her crystal eyes staring at the ceiling, a song upon her lips.

"Have you no idea that you're in deep? I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week How many secrets can you keep? 'Cause there's this tune I found That makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat Until I fall asleep, spillin' drinks on my settee,"

Once again, Finn and Michael played in her mind as she sung to herself. Tears forming in her eyes.

"Crawlin' back to you Ever thought of callin' when You've had a few? 'Cause I always do Maybe I'm too Busy bein' yours To fall for somebody new..."

But her singing was cut short when a Warden burst into her cell. Ivy immediately shot up, she wasn't expecting anyone. This shouldn't be happening. The man grabbed the girl and dragged her out of her cell. "This shouldn't be happening. What's going on?" She shouted at the man, but there was no reply. She was heaved through plain corridor after plain corridor, kicking and screaming at the Warden, trying to break free. But it was of no use. She was too weak. Ivy was led into a final corridor, another woman being led by Wardens was there. "Polly? Polly!" The girl screamed at the woman but she barely acknowledged her, she was too busy muttering words to herself.

Ivy turned her eyes from the woman to the end of the corridor. Nooses, one for Polly, one for Ivy. "No, no, please." The girl pleaded, but she was still dragged to the noose. Her whole body was shaking, her eyes were wide, her heart beat so hard it felt like it was coming out of her chest. As the rope was tightened around her neck, the girl accepted her fate. No one was coming to save her, no one was going to come swooping in with a last minute pardon. Ivy turned to Polly one last time and she saw that the woman had accepted her fate too, a prayer now upon her lips. The girl thought of all the good things in her life, reuniting with her family, forgiving them and them forgiving her, finding love with them again, finding another family in the Shelbys, finding love with Finn, finding Michael and all those times they had spent wrapped up in each other. Despite the bad times, the lowest of lows, there were high points to the girl's life. She just didn't want it to end so soon.

The priest that stood next to the women finished his prayer and the Warden tightened his hand around the lever that would kill Polly Gray and Ivy Solomons. The girl took in a final deep breath and closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable drop.

But the drop never came. Ivy snapped open her eyes. A saviour at the end of the corridor, a piece of paper in hand. A pardon.

Buzzing filled the girl's eyes, her knees almost buckled underneath her. She had been saved, someone, something had saved her. Hot tears poured from her eyes as the Wardens removed the noose from around her and Polly's neck. Almost as soon as the rope was taken off of her, Polly fell into the girl, sobs racking her body. Slowly, the pair crumpled to the floor together, tears staining each others prison clothes.

Polly and Ivy were free. Surely Arthur, John, and Michael had got the pardon too?

Everyone returned back to their homes as if nothing happened. They had scars on their hearts, yet they didn't bare them for all the world to see. There were noticeable differences in each of them, but none of them were affected as much as Polly. She sat alone in a quiet room all day, only muttering a few words to herself and never eating.

"Do you think she'll be alright without you here?" Ada asked Ivy as the girl packed her suitcase. It had been a few days since they were released and Ada thought it would be best for the girl to get away for a while instead of festering in the house or doing anything rash straight away. She reluctantly agreed to the trip to America. "Hopefully. Besides, she has Michael so she won't be alone." Ivy pulled various garments out of her wardrobe to throw into her case. "Because we all know how reliable Michael is." Ada sarcastically quipped from the girl's bed. "Hey," The girl lightly scolded her by throwing a shirt in her direction. "She is his mother at the end of the day. He won't let her suffer." A couple of moments of silence passed over the pair before a knock sounded at the door.

"Are you decent?" Michael questioned from the other side of the door. "No, I'm completely naked." Ivy said, not meaning it. Mickey entered the room nonetheless, devious thoughts in his head. His eyes widened at the sight of Ada sat on her bed. "Relax, Mickey. She knows." The man cleared his throat before speaking, "I wanted to say goodbye. If we could have the room..." He gestured to Ada. The woman winked at the girl as she left. "I'll be in the car." She said before leaving Ivy's bedroom and closing the door behind her. As soon as he heard the latch on the door, Michael engulfed Ivy in a hug, his lips pressing against hers. They'd felt closer after their ordeal in prison. But they hadn't slept with each other since their escapade in the kitchen before Charles was taken. "Should've spent last night in my room, could've said goodbye properly." He muttered as he peppered kisses along the girl's neck. "I was planning things with Ada. Don't leave any marks." She warned him and he pulled away, following her request. "I'll miss you." Ivy wrapped her arms around his neck as his slid around her waist, "I'll miss you too. But we can still call as much as possible. We both know we don't sleep much anymore so the time difference shouldn't be a problem."

"But I can't fuck you through the phone, can I, princess?" His eyebrow raised as the words left his thick lips. "No, but we have our own hands and imaginations, we'll still be able to hear each other," She whispered in his ear before trailing her own line of kisses down his neck, sucking a mark onto it. A moan left his lips as he closed his eyes. "I should get going, we don't have a lot of time." Michael nodded and they pulled away. "I'll help." He picked up the girl's bags and she followed him down the stairs and to the car. "Goodbye, Pol," No answer. A quick look was passed between Michael and Ivy, he knew what he had to do. A final kiss was planted onto the girl's lips before she got into the car, a few quiet words passed between the two.

"Can we stop at Finn's house, please. I won't be long, I have something to give him." The girl asked Ada, she smiled and nodded. "Be quick." They pulled up to his house and Ivy climbed out of the car. She pulled a letter out of her pocket and posted it through the door. Ivy and Finn hadn't seen each other since before she was arrested. The girl had stalled it. She knew she'd have to explain things with Mickey to the teen and after everything she'd just been through, she wasn't as ready to talk as she was before. So she decided to write the teen a letter instead. It read...

My dearest Finn,

I hope this letter finds you well and in good health. The decision to write to you rather than call you or visit you was not one I made lightly. I settled on a letter as it would be most beneficial for you and our relationship. It's also good practice for your reading skills!

I am aware that we are not in an ideal situation and things are still raw for us both. I hope in future we will be able to communicate with one another better and our relationship will not suffer because of the influence of certain individuals. I promise I will explain my relations with Michael in due course . That conversation is one to be had in person, not over paper or the phone. Please lend me your patience in this matter.

My reason for writing this is simple, I am going away for a while and I wanted to let you know. I'm going to America with Ada. I will return, that I can assure you. However, I am unsure of when that will happen. Yet again, I beg of your patience. I swear on my love for you that I shall make the wait worth your while.

By the time you receive this letter, I will be gone. But hold fast for me, please. I will continue to write to you regularly. I would really appreciate it and love if you would take the time to write back. But, by no means, should you feel obliged to do so. If you do, don't worry about spelling or anything of that sort. It's the intention that matters.

I miss you dearly. Don't do anything silly while I'm gone, keep practicing, stay strong!

My love always, your doll,

Ivy Solomons x

xxx. EXPLORATION*

MASTERLIST

TAG LIST:

@lemur46​ 

[the-spindly-lady-faith]

Finally [Evan Buckley]

Warnings: Descriptions of gore/injuries, mentions of death

Word Count: 2.5k

Requested: Yes

Request: Based off of [S3 E18]

(You can tweak up it if you want)

Can you make one where me and Buck have always been close seeing as we grew up together so I’d been with him though thick and thin, but little did he know the reason I was always by his side was cause I love him. Anyway when he sees Abby at first I’m just as shocked as him when he sees her and all the hurt feelings I had back when he was first with her, but when his face falls at her mention of a fiancé that all goes away and I try to hug him, but he kinda pushes me off telling me not to worry about him and get our job done. We then end up getting separated to go do the job in separate parts of the wreckage. When all is said and done I try to call him, but he doesn’t answer so I just go home. The next day I just decide to go over to his place {which is just down the hall from his} when he doesn’t answer the door I just use the key he gave me and decide to wait for him. Eventually he comes home, only to find me on his couch asleep. He ends up going to get ready for the party deciding to just give me a few minutes to get a little more sleep, so when he’s done getting ready he comes and crouch’s in front of the couch and wakes me up very sweetly. He then sits next to me after I sat up and we end up talking and he ends up telling me he talk to Abby who made him realize something. He then continues on and says that he’s in love with me. I then tell him sweetly that I am to then we lay back and cuddle for a while before I get up and he wines asking why I’m getting up and I remind him that we have a party to get to and he groans as I get to the door trying to get to my apartment to get ready and he try’s to convince me to stay, but I just keep walking and say no. I then get ready and we get to the party and everyone is happy to see us holding hands with a smile and Athena throws her hands up in the air saying “FINALLY you two,”

Love.

It was a strange word to associate with your life long best friend but it felt right. Something I truly feared was his rejection if I ever confessed to him because I only had eyes for him. Sure, other guys looked nice but something about Buck was different. Maybe it was the birthmark at his eyebrow, his sharp jaw, that beautiful smile, or his enticing, ocean blue eyes that held stories upon stories in them.

The day was going smooth as I sat on a barstool, overlooking Buck's shoulder at a pamphlet Eddie handed him for a children's summer camp. "Summer camp?" Buck questioned, his brows furrowed in confusion "It's all he can talk about" Eddie casually replied "Some of the other kids from school are going... It's only two weeks" I kept looking at the colorful paper before what Eddie had said finally came to me.

"Whoa, whoa. Two weeks away from home? Isn't Chris kinda young for that? I mean, what if something happens? What if he gets homesick" The concern in Buck's voice was clear but Eddie just kinda rolled his eyes with a small, annoyed sigh "I'm pretty sure I brought in the brochure so you guys can make me feel better about him going"

Chim lightly waved a wooden spoon at him before resuming his stirring "Clearly, you did not think that plan through to its logical conclusion." "I started going to sleepaway camp when I was 8. I loved it. Camp Weegeewagen.. Eedee-idee-odee-ooh-hoo... Looked forward to it every year" I lightly chuckled at Bobby, munching on a quick made sandwich, enjoying the playful group banter.

I was in shock at the scene despite having being part of the LAFD as long as I have, crushed cars, debris and so much more as I secured my helmet onto my head while I hoped & prayed with all I got we could & would save everyone.

"Please, if you can just let me up into the car. Please! I've gotta get up there" The voice that spoke in a worried plea sounded familiar yet my mind worried not on that but the person infront of me who luckily wasn't seriously hurt, just a few cuts, bumps & bruises which gave me the smallest bit of relief.

"Wait, are you from the 118?" The woman asked as Eddie responded with a simple 'yeah'. "Abby?" I turned to look at Buck, seeing the look plastered on his face as the name he called registered my mind as I had an almost equally shocked look on my face. This definitely was not the proper situation to be meeting your best friend's ex in.

"Buck." Her voice was almost relieved but I could sense that bit of surprise & maybe even pain, they never had a proper breakup so I understood. "Wait, you were on the train." She just nodded "Yeah, I've gotta-" Buck quickly grabbed her arm, pulling her away "We need to get you checked out" She carefully pulled herself away, looking back to the train car sticking straight in the air "No, no, no. I'm fine. I need to get up there"

"Abby--what? No, that's crazy! No, no, Abby, Abby, stop!" I swallowed back nervously, my eyes darting to Eddie for reassurance before back to the other two "I'm trying to find somebody!" She hoarsely screamed, panic more then evident all over her. I walk up, gently resting my hand on her shoulder "Okay. Well, just tell us who. We're going-" She turned to me "My fiance!" I looked from her to Buck with my brows knitted tightly together.

"He fell asleep and I went to the bar car." Her voice was break more & more with each word as Eddie gave her soft, calming eyes "Okay. Can you give us a description?" She nodded, sniffling through her tears, pulling her phone out as the three of us look at it, studying it to remember the man but Buck seemed more focus on how happy she looked & the thoughts that were more then likely running in his mind were hurting him more then he'd ever admit.

The climb up the car was an exercise with the back board I was carrying as we ended up using the seats as leverage. Black tag. Not our first on this job but it still hurt regardless, knowing we weren't quick enough to save these poor people. "Sam! Sam, can you hear me?" I grunted, hoisting myself up to basically stand on the seat back as he groaned, barely lifting his head "Hey Sam. How you feeling?" I sighed, a cut just below his hair line but nothing bad from what I could physically see.

"It hurts" His voice was tired & small "Yeah." I looked around, looking at Eddie before looking back to Sam "Hurts when I breathe. Please. My fiancee.. She's on the train" I quietly sighed to myself "Yeah, hey, hey. She's okay" I looked at him, bringing my walkie up "Cap, I got a passenger pinned up here. Looks like the support bean from the observation deck broke through the floor. Need you to send up the jaws okay?"

Bobby quickly responded as I carefully lift Sam's head up, pressing my feet into the back of the seat to keep myself from slipping. I can only hope we all get out of here alive with these people. The train shifting truthfully scared me as I clung to the seat with dear life, losing my footing for a moment, letting out a heavy breath that was trapped in my chest.

To have Bobby here made me feel much better about this, some more, needed hope. "He's got a collapsed lung from the blunt force. O2 levels are dropping. I can relieve the pressure, but we gotta move this beam off him" I looked at Bobby, then to Eddie and back at Buck as the four of us were all buddied together tightly in the car, not at the moment realizing their were others here.

"It's not moving Cap, too heavy" He nodded "Alright, let's try the hydraulic ram." It was normal but scary as we all carefully watched Bobby until a scream of utter pain alerted us as I carefully spun around to go look for the girl who was only about a seat or two down. I grabbed the back, tossing it off to the side & her visible physically injuries were horrible "How you doing?" I pursed my lips together, bringing my med bag up beside me with a slight grunt.

"My side really hurts" I nodded, moving my light in area of her side, carefully lifting up her shirt to find what I could only make out to be a bone broken out of the skin & despite the things I've seen, certain things like this made my stomach crawl. "Force of the crash pushed her leg up into her torso"What?" She said tiredly but with heavy panic while very weakly trying to move the beam off her. "This is gonna hurt a little bit" Eddie commented, carefully slipping her boot off "There's still a pulse in her foot. Blood's still pumping to it"

"Hey what's going on?" Buck questioned as we all were so tired, so out of it. "The beam is trapping both of them. If we take the pressure off either one of them, the other with probably die" I sighed, replying to Buck in hope both could be save as I fidgeted with my gloved fingers. Let everyone get out alive.

I watched, my brows furrowed with pure anger and sadness. There has to be a way to save them both, I refuse to let another person die on my hands. "There has to be a way. I can't let this girl die on us & watch the pain on her family's face!" I was mentally fighting myself as I sighed, the tears threatening to fall at any given moment, Bobby giving me a look of pity "(Y/N).... you gotta accept these losses at some-" I groan "I know I have to but I can't! It never gets easier Bobby!"

Buck turned to us with bright eyes "I have an idea that could save them both." I quickly turned to Buck & for a quick moment, I saw my bright, happy & adventurous life-long friend as I smiled, my heart gripping the love it held for him.

Bobby seemed to agree to the plan after Buck explained it even though they bickered over it & radioed for needed supplies to be readied, there was hope even though small, it was there. "We're almost there Sam. Okay? You'll see your fiancee and kids.." He just tiredly nodded as the train shifted again, nearly standing up straight, sending aggressive amounts of fear through my veins.

I kept myself by Sam to hold him up as the pressure of the seat crushing him slowly came off with the lucky help of the jaws, the relief on Sam's face made me happy as we helped him towards Buck. We did it, we saved them both as I let out a heavy, shaky breath, forcing myself to hold back tears as me & Eddie both carefully slipped out the hole Buck made. At least something good came from today & it was something to be the smallest bit happy about.

The hazy night glow casted through the curtains as I tiredly groaned, not wanting to do anything but forget about last nights job. I looked around Buck's cozy apartment as I shuffled over to the couch, tossing my bag off to the side as I lay down with a heavy groan, feeling the many pins & needles all over my body as I stared at the ceiling for what seemed like forever until I finally passed out, only awake enough to hear Buck walk in.

[BUCK]

Yesterday was hell, the wreck, Abby, everything. I stared at my door for a moment, seeing the doormat disturbed a bit as I just lightly chuckled, knowing (Y/N) was here as I quietly open the door & just as quietly shut it behind me, placing my things on the kitchen counter.

I made way towards my couch to sit but to see (Y/N)'s sleeping form made me smile & in that moment, it had come to me. All the girls I dated before was just for me to forget the way I felt for her, my life long best friend. I sighed lightly before heading off to shower, letting her get the more then needed rest, getting ready for the upcoming party at Athena & Bobby's place.

I lingered in the shower a moment longer, staring at the steamed shower walls before shutting the water off & dressing up as I'd usually do before going back over to (Y/N), watching with a smile on my lips that spread from ear-to-ear before crouching down to get a more straight foward look at her face.

"Hey, gotta wake up hun. We got somewhere to be" I kept my voice soft, pushing hair from her face & I swear I felt my heart skip a beat. "I know you want beauty sleep to maintain your own beauty, which I understand. There's something kinda important I wanna ask you and I don't wanna wait anymore" She stirred slightly, her eyes fluttering open then shut a few times before she finally woke up.

She looked at me, holding her hand up infront of her to keep the sun out of her eyes before she carefully sat up & stretched "What's up?" She slumped over as I sat aside with with a heavy sigh, sliding a cup of coffee over. "I talked to Abby today" She looked at me, seeming to already know where this was going. "I wanted to clear things up about us, about why she never bothered to talk to me while she was gone"

My leg started bouncing at her gentle hand rubbed small circles on my upper back, laying her head on my shoulder "I'm sure she meant to Buck.." I sighed "That's the thing (Y/N), even though she explained everything, I still don't understand. Did I do something wrong? Did I rush things? Was she with me out of just pity?" I heavily sighed, wiping my hands over my face "I can't understand it at all..."

She looked at me with soft eyes that held billions of stars & galaxies in them, if only I could look into them forever. "It isn't your fault Buck, it never was. All relationships can feel rushed at any given point. Don't blame yourself for this. You helped her through a great deal of pain when she lost her mom. You're an amazing man Buck, I know cause I grew up with you & Maddie my whole life"

I looked at her & just smiled "I'm..." I had to process everything "I'm in love with you (Y/N) and- and I get if you-" She laughed lightly, her hand holding my cheek gently "I'm in love with you too Buck. I have been for as long as I can remember. I laugh happy as I wrap my arms around her & laying back on the couch & right there, I had all I ever wanted.

It was calm, nothing but pure happiness between the two of us as I admired the person I held so close to me & this is all that mattered, I finally had her, my favorite person to ever exist & maybe, just maybe, this is what true love felt like when you didn't hide from it.

[YOU]

"Hey, I need to get ready & we gotta get going for that party" Buck groaned "But we could have more fun if we just stayed here and kept cuddling" I smile, drawing small circles on his shirt "While I do agree, I don't think we'd hear the end of it from Bobby" He whines "Please? I don't wanna go anymore, this is better" I sat up, shaking my head "No Buck. I'm not getting my ear chewed out" He pouts, his eyes sad but in a joking manner, dropping his hands. "Fine but you're making this up when we get back" I nod, putting my hands up "I will do just that okay? I promise. Pinky promise?" He smiles as our pinkies interlock before I finally stood up, changing in the bathroom.

We parked outside of Athena & Bobby's place as Buck rushed from the drivers side to me, opening the door & showing off his big goofy smile which made my heart swoon. I took his hand, sliding out of the jeep as he locked it up & the two of us made our way inside, hand in hand, smiles painting both of our faces.

We only stopped when we noticed everyone looking at us with smiles as Athena shuffled foward, her smile big & proud as her hands raised up in the air & dropped down with a happy sigh "Finally you two! We've all been wondering when this would happen" I smile, my cheeks burning red as I hide my face in Buck's shoulder as we stepped down the steps & the night went on with smiles & laughter. Most of all, I was finally in love with the right person. My person, Evan Buckley.

@faithie-brock-gillespie01

author note: i hope you enjoyed this & its what you wanted. im sorry this took a while to get out but i really hope you like it & thank you so much for the request!!

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 2x12: Don't say we'll have to let it go...

After a very stressful morning and several moments in which I was close to a full sanity slip completely unrelated to this, it is high time (heck, it's the highest of times, if you know what I mean) I got to the new HSMTMTS, the last one for a while.

I'm honestly scared, though. This morning I thought nothing could make me more nervous today than the whole ordeal I had to go through, but now that I'm here, I'm super scared and anxious. I don't even want to say it, but... what if this is... you know what I'm thinking. We're all thinking it. I just hope we're wrong in a good way.

I feel like I might die of anxiety, so I guess I'll just dive in. Whatever will be, will be.

Supportive Nini is best Nini. Honestly, I haven't liked her all season as much as I do now. The background, behind-the-scenes role seems to fit her a lot better than the lead. I hope to see more of her like this when (fingers crossed!!!) the show comes back.

Ashlyn, on the other hand, is a perfect lead. She was born for this, and it shows. It shows so much that everybody has finally noticed it. They took their time, didn't they?

Ugh, I hate, hate, hate this kind of moment that happens every time when someone has prepared a surprise for someone else — and we saw that twice this season — once with Carlos at his Quinceañero, and now with Ashlyn. I mean the moment before they find out about the surprise and they feel like they've been forgotten and it's all so sad... at least I know whatever my boy Reddy has planned for his girl will make up for that sort of feeling. I can't wait!

Ahhhhh @redlyncentral you called it! You called it big time! I can't say I wasn't expecting it to be something like this, though, because I trust your sixth sense more than I trust mine — and I trust mine a lot. Also, if anyone deserves to have their name in lights, it's Ashlyn. And remember when she told Big Red that, to make things light up, he just had to walk into a room? Or when he told her that the only thing he'd throw at her was a brighter spotlight? You know, I think that, just like airports are Portwell's thing, lights are Redlyn's thing. And that is so beautiful... I am legitimately crying.

Yikes... see, it's one thing when Nini calls Ricky 'Richard'. But it's another thing entirely when Kourtney calls Howie 'Howard'. Gosh, I hope they clear things up. If Howie has something to say (as in, some secret to come clean about, if you catch my drift), he'd better do it now. I was never too invested in Kowie, but it still hurts to see tension between them.

Ok, but... these two are too dorky for words! I mean, you're telling me Howie was acting that way just because of how nervous Kourtney's talent made him? Oh well, I feel like I can understand that, actually. She's a powerhouse. But also, everyone around here needs to learn a lesson or two from Redlyn. About communication, reciprocity, expression of feelings... it's no accident that they're the parents of the drama club. But this is not about them. Oh, who am I kidding? With me, everything is about them. Unless it's about Seblos or Portwell. Never mind. Moving on.

I am trying very hard not to have a visible or audible reaction because my brother is in the room and I'm supposed to be working, but... EJ had his dad put in a good word for Mr Mazzara at Caltech. And that is something that makes me feel feelings I can't very easily put into words. Also, what does that mean for Mr M's future at East High?

As clear as the imprint of Jamie's words is to see on EJ's face, I feel like he's not giving up on Portwell quite yet. 'Play it by ear' sounded quite promising to me, all things considered.

Not Ricky and Nini writing the same thing in slightly different words... again! I absolutely get why people ship them, at least on the surface level I do, but I really can't see them as a couple anymore. That is not to say, however, that I'm not rooting for them on their way to figuring out how to be 'just' friends. (See, I'm not a big fan of the expression 'just friends', as if it's something less than a romantic relationship, so...) They could be the best friends ever. If, and only if they learn to communicate properly. All kinds of relationships require good communication. I feel like I'm saying that a lot, but, you know, if it's true...

I can't look at Miss Jenn the same way after last week's episode. The Menkies have turned her, quite frankly, into a monster. She's too obsessed with beating Zacky Roy to notice how she's treating her students who have always been nothing but devoted to her and the play. Well, some of them anyway... I feel like it's time for Carlos to reconsider his opinion of her... and I know it must be painful, and the least thing I'd ever wish for him is pain, but... sometimes certain painful things are necessary. I just hope everyone comes out of this alright. I think I might not, though. I've been crying for a while already.

No... why is Gina crying? My girl needs a hug... Oh, here comes Nini. This seems like it's been a long time coming.

This was beautiful... only one character played by an actress named Olivia will be redeemed today. And it's the right one, if I do say so myself.

Alright, who called it? Gina connecting Nini with her brother about her music, I mean. I know for a fact someone here called it. If you happen to be that genius and you read this, please come forward in the notes to get the credit you deserve. This is... a little too perfect to be true, but I feel like it's the best way to connect and wrap up several storylines with one blow. And I love when that happens. Gosh, why does this feel like a series finale? Please tell me I'm wrong. I am not ready. I will never be ready. Ok, maybe one day I will be, but not anytime soon. Please tell me my feeling is deceiving me this time.

Oh, good, it's being addressed. The 'jump off of something high' comment, I mean. It would have been wrong not to address it. I kind of really liked the way they did it, too. Also, 'getting there' really is the most accurate answer to the question whether Ricky is happy. I feel like he's got a long way to go before he does get there, but he really is closer to that destination than he's been in a while. This boy deserves all the happiness. He's been through way too much. And I'm glad Miss Jenn is finally seeing her part in his struggles throughout the year.

Ahhh it's the song! I've been so excited for it all week, ever since that teaser leaked. But, once again: why does this feel like a finale? I want to curb my anxiety and watch this episode with a free mind, but the episode itself just isn't helping me. Ok, let's go back to the song for now. Whatever will be, will be.

No... EJ's verse... just no. Somebody tell that boy not to be so hung up on the words of somebody who doesn't even know who Gina is today. I've had 'the majestic S.S. Portwell' for a couple of weeks and I'm not ready for it not setting sail after it was almost out of the... port(well). Have I ever told you I make bad puns when I'm anxious?

Carlos doesn't even remember being on stage... that's too relatable to be overlooked. See, I used to perform on stage (I've decided to quit for good now and it makes me cry only slightly), and that has always been how I've felt about it. I feel like my favourites are who they are because I relate to each one of them to an extent — some are who I think I am, some are who I used to be, and some are who I wish I could become... and so much more on top. I'm being so emotional. I'm not ready to let these kids go. Please someone tell me I won't have to, at least not quite yet.

The Wildcats' reaction to... Capital-B-witch and Fake-French-Git-who-is-apparently-French-for-real (as I've taken to calling those two because calling them by their real names would mean showing them respect which they don't deserve) was exactly the same as mine. No one invited them there. They're not supposed to be there. Someone kick them out.

'Big Red... you were... also there!' Um, excuse you, he was not just 'there'! I mean, I know we didn't get to see him on stage (we've been robbed!!!), but I'm sure he was the most amazing LeFou to ever grace a theatre stage. That being said, we have been robbed! But let's not get ahead of ourselves. I want to see what Big Red's reaction will be. I've been fantasising about this moment for weeks now.

Ok... so I said a couple of weeks ago, in my post on 2x10, that Ricky has been given a chance to prove what kind of friend he is right then and there... and, well, this wasn't exactly how I envisioned it, but it was nice. I think that's the word for it. Nice. Ricky is just too nice to do what I kept seeing in my fantasy. And Big Red is doubly too nice to do it. But I... I surprise myself sometimes with how aggressive I can get in defence of other people. Maybe it's better this way than my way.

Did that capital-B-witch just say what I thought I heard her say? Because there's no way she just said that. Also, 'sometimes people deserve a second chance'... well, yeah. And sometimes they don't, you... well, I don't use words like that, but you guys can put two and two together, right?

'I'd trade it all for this group right here tonight'... me too, Eej, me too. I'm not even going to pretend I'm not crying because, guess what, I'm bloody bawling my eyes out! I kind of stopped for a moment when you-know-who and her second-in-command came in, but now I'm crying again. I am so not ready to let these kids go.

So... they're dropping out? Just like that? Well, that was anticlimactic! But hey, I absolutely get it. That's the Wildcat spirit, after all, isn't it? They did win already. They won something that some of North High's students can never understand. And that's more important than just about anything. [side note: I've got to say I appreciate the fact that my boy Reddy is now able to joke about his opening night predicament. See, that's another thing I relate to. I go through the craziest stuff, and then I laugh and tell stories to anyone who will listen. And I think that's the best approach to that kind of stuff. I just wish I could be less dramatic about the little things, too. It seems to me it's easier to laugh about the big, serious stuff once it's over, but not about some things that most people would deem unworthy of their attention. But hey, I'm working on that. Also, this post is not supposed to be about me. Moving on.]

Bless Ashlyn and the fact that she's good at communication. Even if she's a little late. She's not too late yet. Portwell might still be saved.

No, Ricky, you so did not just call you-know-who! I will not stand for any of that. Unless it's to shut her off once and for all, in which case I say go for it and go full steam. But why do I get the feeling it's not going to be like that? Ok, never mind, let's set that one aside and focus on Portwell for a second.

Ok, that was... that was going to be so beautiful, and then they cut it off. Is Portwell about to be Redlyn 2.0? Oh well, if it really is, that isn't going to be so bad after all. But now all I can think about is... when are we getting the renewal? How am I supposed to sleep at night until we know for sure?

Not them making me cry with a BTS montage... as if I wasn't crying hard enough already. I'm not alone in the house, you guys! In fact, we're having a bunch of guests from overseas in... wait, I think they're at the door. I'm not ready for people! Not now. Pray for me, you guys! (In all seriousness, though, don’t pray for me. Pray for a season 3 announcement to come soon)

[haileyyanneupton]

❄ small - one chicago au ❄

Hailey Upton and Adam Ruzek have been friends for as long as they can remember. When Hailey leaves her prestigious private school to be with Adam in her junior year, she’s introduced to a new group of people who feel strangely like home. 

pairings: 

jay halstead x hailey upton adam ruzek x kim burgess kevin atwater x vanessa rojas kelly severide x stella kidd

masterlist | series masterlist

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

❄ two ❄

After comparing schedules, Hailey learned that she had classes with practically everybody. She had History with Stella, pre-calc and Biology with Vanessa, English Literature with Jay (who by the way, she did not peg for the type to choose) Chemistry with Kim and eventually Adam, who was switching classes under the false pretence that there were people who were distracting him in his old one. She even had Kelly, Kevin and Stella in her French class, but with the way everybody was shifting classes in the first month of school, she was pretty certain that she’d probably end up having more of them in their other classes.

“How long have you and Adam known each other?” Kim asked Hailey as they sat together in Chemistry, waiting for Adam to collect the supplies from the front of the room.

“Honestly, I don’t remember a time when we weren’t friends,” Hailey explained, smiling fondly with a roll of the eyes as she spied Adam making funny faces at her from a few tables away, waiting in line. “We’ve lived across the street from each other all our lives. One day we just started playing outside together and that was that.”

“That’s really sweet,” Kim lilted slightly as she tilted her head and let out a small ‘aww.’ “

Before either of them could pose any more questions or elaborate further, Adam dropped the supplies onto the table in front of the two girls before letting out an exaggerated sigh. Hailey only chuckled at the boy’s expense as he flicked the back of her head playfully, Kim finding amusement in the interaction as she grinned and started helping to set up their experiment. It was a pretty interesting lesson, the students splitting off into groups to fill out scientific reports on the effect that fire has on magnesium. Hailey was happy to let Kim take the lead because, let’s face it, she knew Adam was hopeless and would probably pour all of the chemicals together to see what would happen. If it weren’t for Kim, Hailey would probably turn her back for two minutes only to find herself having to put out a fire or something of the sort.

“Okay, Hailey,” Kim looked to the blonde-haired girl through safety glasses. “Burn the magnesium ribbon.”

Holding it close to the flame produced by the Bunsen burner with the help of a set of crucible tongs, Hailey her other group members watched as the ribbon produced a white glow. After jotting down a few notes about how it burned and the kind of energy it produced, the three teenagers settled into their seats and struck up a much less academic conversation.

“So,” Adam started, directing his words at both Kim and Hailey. “I was thinking—“

“I hate it when you do that,” Hailey groaned, interrupting the boy as she propped her head up in her hand. “Whenever you think, bad things happen.”

“Whenever he doesn’t think, bad things happen,” Kim added, causing Adam to throw his hands up in the air defensively.

“What am I meant to do then?!” Hailey spied the smirk on Adam’s face as he whined. “I don’t think I can find a grey area between thinking and not thinking, guys!”

Kim and Hailey laughed alongside each other as Adam sighed in fake-despair. While he and Kim started poking fun at each other all over again, Hailey sat back and let her mind wander around. She had officially been at the school for three weeks and had spent one of those weeks with Adam’s friends — well, her friends now too — and she could wholeheartedly say she couldn’t believe it had taken her so long to transfer. Somehow, the week that she had known them felt much more like months — they were slowly bonding together and getting to know one another.

“Anyway —“ Adam began once more, looking pointedly at the two girls who only smirked in silent response. “I was thinking that maybe we should organise a day after school to go out for milkshakes or something.”

“That sounds fun,” Kim exclaimed excitedly. “I haven’t had a milkshake in ages!”

“Me neither,” Hailey added. “That’s completely unacceptable if I’m honest.”

Adam chuckled lightly at the girl’s reaction. “Then it’s settled. We’ll let everybody else know after class."

That day at lunch, Hailey took her now regular position between Jay and Vanessa as the group eased their way into a conversation effortlessly. The topic of discussion ranged between what they would all be doing after school to what was going on in each of their classes. Hailey knew what she was doing after school — like every day, she’d go to Adam’s house and hide out there for as long as she possibly could before having to go home. She stayed quiet and tried to blend into the background when the topic came up, not noticing that Vanessa had not only done the same but also had picked up on Hailey’s shift in mood.

“Hey,” Vanessa placed a hand on Hailey’s knee to gain her attention as she placed an apple slice in her mouth. “You want one?”

Hailey smiled at the girl gratefully, taking an apple slice between her fingers and taking a bite. “Thanks.”

“Some people think it’s childish to still eat apple slices at our age, but. . . I think they taste better this way anyway.” Vanessa scrunched her nose up as she spoke, the gesture making Hailey chuckle.

Silence fell upon the two girls for a few moments as they both cast their gaze downwards, the conversation seeming to fizzle out until Vanessa saved it. She had a sympathetic look on her face as she glanced over at Hailey who looked as if she were dreading something — little did Vanessa know, the conversation had reminded her that all good things had to end, including the school week which was practically her only escape at this point.

“Do you — Do you want to talk about it?” Vanessa asked, prompting Hailey to look over at her and meet her eyes at last. “You don’t have to. Just know that if you do want to. . .”

“Thanks, Vanessa.” Hailey’s voice and eyes softened. “I’m good. You can talk to me if you ever need as well.”

Vanessa smiled as she leaned her head up against Hailey’s shoulder, wrapping her arms around the blonde-haired girl’s torso as she returned the hug. Hailey couldn’t help but sigh lightly — she really didn’t want to have to leave the art room anytime soon even if it was to go to Literature, her favourite subject. She liked being with all of her friends, laughing and messing around the way that they had been. It made her happy.

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Hailey sat alone at a desk in her literature class after fetching her books from her locker when the bell rang. She was used to sitting alone — it didn’t bother her too much — which was why when someone slid into the seat beside her and their arm brushed up against her’s, she jolted slightly in surprise.

“Sorry,” Jay grinned sheepishly, a genuinely apologetic look in his green eyes as he leaned over and onto his arms which were resting on the desk in front of them. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Just thought maybe you could use some company.”

Hailey welcomed the boy to the desk with a smile, grateful that he had thought of her in the first place.

“Won’t your friends miss you?” She asked with furrowed brows, gesturing over to the only other boys in the class who were throwing screwed up pieces of paper at each other’s faces. “You can go back to sit with them if you want —“

“Nah, they’re more friends with each other than they are me. They know Kev, so. . .” Jay’s tone held a sense of nonchalance as he spoke. “Besides, the view is better over here anyway.”

Either Hailey hadn’t picked up on what Jay had been insinuating or she had chosen to ignore it, because the girl didn’t react to the boy’s comment with anything more than a brief smile as she pulled a notebook from beneath her pile of books and opened it up to a fresh page. Jay studied the girl intently, watching as she glided her pen across the top of the page and leaving behind the date. Figuring he should do the same, Jay reached down for his own notebook only to remember that he had forgotten it in his locker after getting distracted by his brother Will who was messaging him asking how to turn on the washing machine. Yes, the washing machine.

“Hey, uh —“ Jay scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, embarrassed that he had forgotten but not particularly feeling like getting up to go back to his locker. “— would I be able to use some paper?”

Hailey of course, doesn’t hesitate in ripping a few pages from her spiral notebook and handing them over to Jay, intuitively knowing he would need a pen as the same time as she slid one across the desk to the boy. She didn’t ask questions, not wanting to embarrass the boy any further as the teacher stood up from her desk with a sheet of paper in hand ready to mark attendance. Hailey had learned that her literature class was pretty mellow — there were no kids that acted out particularly badly, leaving their teacher to give them a lot of trust when it came to assignments. This upcoming assignment proved to be no different.

“Okay, so for the next few weeks I want you all to work on a poem. Normally, I would want you to write a poem about a childhood memory or your favourite place at this point in the year but I decided that since we’re all still getting to know each other, it would be more interesting to write a poem about somebody else. A classmate. You’ll have to get to know them before you write your poem — which is why I’m giving you a few weeks — and then you’ll present to the class when you’re done. I only have two rules surrounding this assignment — firstly, none of you are to do anything illegal. Second, nobody is to get pregnant. Please. That’s all I ask.”

Snickers erupted across the classroom as one of the boys Jay had been talking to earlier piped up, the attention shifting from the teacher and over to him as he placed his hands on his stomach, mimicking a pregnant woman.

“Miss, I think it’s too late for me,” he grinned mischievously, his words coming out between his own laughter. "Does anybody wanna feel it kicking? Come on, don’t be shy —“

“Pipe down, Marcus,” the literature teacher interrupted the boy as the class laughed at his antics; even she had a smile on her face as she shushed the class. “Anyway — other than that I’m happy for you all to take the rest of the day ‘off’ to get to know each other since this is your last class. I’ll be assigning partners though — don’t get too excited just yet.”

As the teacher walked around the class and paired people up, Hailey became less and less enthused about the assignment at hand. She could see that the teacher was intentionally splitting up friends and people sitting by each other; the idea made her feel nauseous with anxiety. She didn’t want anybody who wasn’t her friend to learn about her — Jay was the closest thing she had to that in this room. Waiting for the inevitable to happen was some kind of hell loop for the teenager as she wrung her fingers beneath the table, the teacher seemingly taking her time before finally approaching Hailey and Jay’s desk with a small yet curious smile.

“Actually,” the woman began, glancing between the blonde and the brunette with a certain look in her eye that Hailey couldn’t quite place. “I think I’ll keep you two together. I think it’ll be interesting to see what the two of you come up with.”

The elephant that had been sitting on her chest finally dispersed as she and Jay made eye contact, a small smile creeping onto her face as the class was dismissed for the day to work on their project. Hailey was glad to be working with Jay — she was comfortable with him for the most part, not to mention the fact that he was incredibly intriguing if she did say so herself. Jay definitely wasn’t opposed — Hailey seemed to be a complete mystery to anybody who wasn’t Adam, leaving him itching for answers; he wanted to know her. He wanted to know Hailey Upton.

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

“Where do you want me to tell Adam to pick me up from?” Hailey asked, turning to Jay who was sitting beside her in the driver’s seat as she held her phone in hand, her thumbs dancing across the screen as she formulated a text to send to her friend.

“What?” Jay seemed shocked by her words. “No — Hailey, I’ll drive you home. Tell Adam not to worry.”

“Are you sure?” Hailey seemed uncertain, not wanting to inconvenience the boy.

“Of course I am,” Jay chuckled lightly with a lopsided smirk. “What’d you think I was going to do? Leave you stranded?”

“I don’t know! We’re doing this project so we can learn about each other — maybe that was going to be your way of getting me to learn that you’re a dick or something!”

“Well I’m offended,” Jay joked playfully, though it soon became apparent to the boy that Hailey knew how to dish it right back. “I can’t believe you’d think I’d ever do that, Upton.”

“That sounds like a you problem, Halstead.”

“Ouch.” Jay faked offence as he placed a hand on his heart and jutted out his bottom lip in a juvenile pout. “Why does Adam drive you everywhere, anyway? Don’t you have a licence? I mean — it’s cool if you don’t — I just —“

Hailey couldn’t help but give a small laugh at his attempt to eat his own words. “I have a licence, and I do drive — sometimes. My issue is that I don’t have a car, and since I don’t really go anywhere besides school and home, he drives me.”

“That sounds boring. I think we’ve gotta change that.”

“Do we now?”

“Duh. You need a life.”

Hailey rolled her eyes with a slight tut. “Tell me about it.”

Both Jay and Hailey shared a laugh as they slowly came to a stop in the parking lot of a beach lookout. She was certain she had never been here before — Chicago wasn’t exactly known for it’s beaches, let alone lookouts over Lake Michigan. Entranced by the view, Hailey almost didn’t notice Jay taking the keys out of the ignition and opening up the drivers side door as he clambered out as she followed, climbing up onto the bonnet of the car beside him.

“It’s pretty here,” Hailey said breathily, her eyes fixed upon the water as she leaned back slightly. “I didn’t know that something like this existed.”

Jay nodded affirmatively. “Neither did I until a few years ago. It’s one of my favourite places to come when I want to relax.”

“I can see why.” Hailey found herself with a smile as she turned her head to face the boy beside her. “So. . . my first question — why did you choose literature? I mean, I didn’t really take you to be the kind of guy into this stuff.”

Jay hummed in thought for a moment or two. “I’ve always liked words. Speaking them, reading them, writing them. I think I was probably the only kid who actually enjoyed the book studies and analysing them so I could find a deeper meaning.”

“I loved those!” Hailey’s eyes twinkled with happiness as she spoke. “We got to dive into this world that was so similar yet so different to ours and examine every part of it, take it apart until there was nothing left. It was — I don’t know — cathartic?”

“In a way, I suppose you’re right.” Jay bought his right leg up in a bent position, resting his arm upon his knee as he directed his next question at the blue-eyed girl beside him. “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Blue. It’s calm. Peaceful. What’s yours?”

“Red — I dunno why. It’s always been red.”

That’s how the rest of their afternoon went. Jay and Hailey asking each other random questions and just talking about random things that otherwise probably wouldn’t come up in conversation. Jay was more than happy to drive Hailey back to her house, the boy unable to take his eyes off of the girl as he watched her walk through her front door and disappear. There was still so much of Hailey Upton that was a mystery to Jay, but he was determined to learn everything there was to learn about her. A week ago, he hadn’t even known the blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty — now, she was invading his every thought.

tag list:  @ruzek-halstead @lissethsrojas @sammywiths @butterflies44 @upsteadheart @shawnscheeks @puckluck28 @karihighman @thetwit @azu1ang3188 @juu-series @justanotheronechicagofan @stinaax @stayupton @fullwattpadmusictree

a/n i havent really given this a proper read through in fear that my perfectionistic ass would never actually post it so forgive me if it’s terrible hahaaaaa 

[belovedrival]

“It’s Jonas.”

It’s been almost six months but I did say I would talk about my experience, so here goes...

(It’s really long, I started this draft when Jonas was three months old)

I was told that I would be induced on March 10, a Wednesday. My due date was the 17th but baby had been measuring large for months so my doctor just wanted to go ahead with it. I agreed. We’d made it to 39 weeks and that was good. Plus, I felt huge and just...done with being pregnant. 

I worked (from home) on the 10th. It felt sort of surreal, knowing that we’d be at the hospital at 5 pm that evening, but I knew I needed to work to keep my mind off what was coming. For a while, at least. 

We’d started packing the hospital bags for weeks before. I’d left my suitcase open next to the bed and I’d throw things in there whenever I’d do laundry or think of something else I wanted to take. I sort of knew then that I was majorly overpacking (and in hindsight it’s laughable how much stuff I never wore/used) but at least we were prepared, right?

Yeah, about that...

Mister drove to the hospital. Since I was being induced, it wasn’t any frenetic, movie scene type, panicked dad experience. We just put our things in the car and drove there. On the way we talked about how strange it was, knowing that when we came home (God willing), there would be a baby in the car seat. Of course at that time we still didn’t know if our baby was a girl or boy.

(Mister told me later that he was almost certain baby was a boy. He said he’d heard too many nurses/medical personnel ‘slip’ while we were having ultrasounds and whatnot.)

People can choose to find out or not, but it puts a whole other dimension on the experience when you don’t know in advance. Just my two cents.

As we turned into the hospital parking lot, Mister told me to open the glove box. “There’s something for you in there,” he said. I opened it, trying to swallow the bowling ball that had lodged itself in my throat.

“Oh!” I said. “What I always wanted - an owner’s manual!”

When I’m nervous, I often joke.

There was a small white box next to the owner’s manual. In it was a necklace with an aquamarine pendant; one of the birthstones for March. Of course I cried.

We took an obligatory selfie before going inside the hospital. After getting checked in, we went to our room. I remember thinking that we’d only be in that room probably a day, and that 24 hours later, we’d be upstairs post delivery.

Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

I was given a drug to start labor (not pitocin). I’ve always hated needles and so getting an IV was not part of my top 100,000 Things I Love to Do List. Thankfully, the nurse who put it in was really good, so I barely felt anything. 

The one major memory of this whole experience (other than Jonas, of course) was how good the nurses were. I am forever grateful to them. 

Other than the IV and monitors, Mister having to sleep on the sofa, and me laying on a hospital bed, we could almost trick ourselves into imagining we were staying at some sort of hotel. Almost. For a few hours, anyway.

Wednesday night into Thursday morning was okay. I was feeling persistent pain. It wasn’t terrible, just uncomfortable, and I knew that it was part of the process. I didn’t sleep great but I was able to get some rest.

Around six o’clock there was a shift change, and my nurse for the day came in. Liz had a kind of cheerleader vibe about her, very positive, and in some other circumstances I might’ve found her annoying. But I liked her.

My doctor came in a little after seven and broke my water. That experience was...weird. I mean, it was a new experience for me, so it’s hard to describe. Uh, water is wet, so it was wet? Honestly, the thing I remember the most is that there was some meconium after Doc broke my water, which worried me a little. Baby was doing fine and no one seemed super worried, so I set it aside. I DID think it meant I was guaranteed to have the baby that day. How wrong I was, and not for the first time...

They gave me pitocin after my water was broken. So my contractions increased. It felt more like strong period cramps to me. I should say at this point that I have a high pain tolerance. I don’t know what the same level of contractions would feel like to someone else. Sometimes I was only mildly aware that I was having them. 

Probably one of the most annoying things about my entire experience Wednesday/Thursday/into Friday was not being allowed to eat anything. I had ice chips, and water, and Liz managed to get me some Jello. This was actually something of an issue, because I had gestational diabetes, so at first nobody wanted to give me anything except for sugar-free Jello. I did have some of that, but as the day wore on and there wasn’t much progress, Liz talked to somebody and got me some regular Jello. I would’ve preferred something else, but Jello was what I was allowed, so Jello I got.

I...don’t really like Jello. Seriously, like if it’s the only thing, I’ll eat it, but...yeah.

The hours ticked by. Progress was slow. At first I looked forward to Liz and the other nurses coming in and checking me, but by late afternoon, it was clear that things were slooooooow. The best part of Thursday was sometime in the afternoon Liz suggested bouncing on the ball. I was really happy to get out of bed and bounce for a while. After doing that, I decided it was time for the epidural.

I’d decided beforehand I wanted an epidural. As I said, I absolutely hate needles, but I also didn’t want my body to be so stressed that labor couldn’t progress. In the back of my mind, I also thought that if the situation changed, and a c-section became necessary, the epidural would already be in place. 

After the epidural was put in, I started shaking on the edge of the bed, tears rolling down my face. Liz was still holding on to me, and Mister was there, and they both asked what was wrong. I couldn’t speak for a minute. It felt a little like I was five years old, still terrified of that darn needle, and all the tension I’d suppressed had to get out somehow.

“It’s okay,” Liz said, giving me a hug. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed. I was sorry to see her go when her shift ended. She said she was working again on Saturday and that she’d stop by to see us after the baby was born, to see what we were having. (She did stop by.)

This was a constant refrain from most of the nurses: upon first coming into the room, and looking at the white board that had my information and seeing next to “Baby” was written “Surprise!!” we inevitably got the question, “You don’t know what you’re having? That’s awesome!” 

Getting the epidural made the pain diminish, but it also made things more complicated for me because I couldn’t move. Overnight, a tag team of nurses turned me one way and the other, and checked me. 

(I should also mention that all of the staff at the hospital had already been vaccinated, and they all wore masks into the rooms. We did not have to wear masks in the room, but if we went outside it, they were required.)

By Thursday night, both Mister and I were feeling rather discouraged. All day Thursday we’d been told that baby would come “by the afternoon”, then “by the evening”, and then late Thursday, “by Friday morning”. Bear in mind that I’d been on an IV/ induced since roughly six pm on Wednesday. 

Maybe this sounds laughable to people who’ve had 72 hour long labors, but I’d been mentally prepared for around 24 hours of labor. My twin sister had been induced with her first, and her labor had gone about that long. Around midnight on Thursday I was feeling pretty discouraged. Mister wasn’t angry but he said (when we were alone) that he felt like the staff had been overly optimistic. I just don’t think either of us had thought about the implications of me being induced without any sign of active labor. In hindsight, I was glad it was done then, but...yeah. Not being mentally prepared for that long of a labor was hard. I felt bad for everyone who was waiting on updates; it felt like literally nothing happened for about thirty hours. Like I think was dilated to five by Friday morning. And effaced? Practically nothing. My cervix wasn’t getting thinner at all.

Early Friday morning, a new nurse started her shift. My first impressions of Diana were...well, I thought, “she’s definitely not as friendly as Liz.” She was more brusque. As I hadn’t slept much Thursday night, and having been in the same situation for over a day, I didn’t care nearly as much about making friends. By that point I was tired - physically, mentally, emotionally.

But Diana was awesome. She got me turned onto my hands and knees, and had me start doing some vigorous exercises, to really move labor along. I was fine with doing whatever she said because I was REALLY ready to be done. So it felt a little like my cross country days in high school, at the finish of a difficult race. I was tired, I wasn’t sure how much I could do physically, but we had a GOAL and dammit, we were going to do everything to get there!

By late morning, even after the exercises, I was still dilated at a five. Hardly effaced at all. After checking me again, Diana left the room. The option of a c-section had been discussed, especially since it was over 24 hours since my water had been broken.

“I think I’m done,” I said to Mister. Even though I’d never really been 100% ‘I want a natural birth experience’, it felt a little like giving up. I started crying again. “I just don’t think this [natural labor] is going to work. I’m done.”

“If you’re done, that’s it,” Mister said. “Tell Diana you want a c-section.”

I have to say something here about Mister. Even though he kept saying he didn’t know what he was doing or how he should support me, he was AWESOME. He supported every decision, and listened to me talk about the different options. For as hard as labor was for me, I think he had a different hard time. All he could do was literally sit there and watch me go through pain and doubt and fear, and comfort me as best he could. He was a great comfort.

(This is why even if thoughtful partners don’t think they’re doing a good job at supporting laboring moms, they most likely are. Their presence is invaluable. For anyone who doesn’t have a supportive partner with them, or an absent one, my profound condolences.)

When Diana came back in, I told her I wanted a c-section. This was around 11 o’clock Friday morning, March 12th. “I agree,” she said right away, patting me on the shoulder. “You’ve done everything you possibly can to get this baby delivered naturally. I trust mom’s instincts on this.”

Her support meant so much. Really, when a veteran nurse says they trust your instinct, how can you not feel better about your decision?

She left to contact my doctor and several other people, and Mister let people know what was going on. At that point I was more relieved that soon it would be over. I wanted to see our baby.

Mister said later that he learned that hospitals have two speeds: 1) we’re in no rush; and 2) something is going to happen NOW. While my c-section wasn’t an emergency, once the decision was made, things did happen fast. Diana brought the anesthesiologist into the room so he could numb me up. As I already had the epidural, this didn’t take very long. After a few minutes of letting the medication work, Bryce asked if I could feel my toes.

“No,” I said. It was weird. I knew I shouldn’t feel them, but I couldn’t help saying, “I’m trying to wiggle them!”

“No, no, it’s good you can’t feel them,” both Bryce and Mister said. I was wheeled out of the labor room a few minutes after that (I was not sorry to leave it) and taken to the OR. Mister went with someone else to take our stuff to the recovery room.

I’ve been in operating rooms before. They aren’t places that make me want to stay there. Bright lights, metal everywhere, many thoughts of what could go wrong...although I will say that all the staff in the OR made me feel confident. I was glad to see my doctor. 

I felt better once I was in the OR (the only time in my life I’ve ever felt that way) but it felt like a long time until Mister arrived in there. He’d gone with a member of staff as they took all our stuff to a recovery room, then been taken to the OR. Once he was in place, everything started.

Doctor M had asked me before Mister arrived if he wanted to ‘announce’ was the baby was. I told her that he most likely would, but to ask him. She did, and he said yes, he’d love to do that.

There was a blue sheet in front of me so I really couldn’t see anything that went on - which was PERFECTLY FINE with me.

Obviously, I was flat on my back, and everything below my chest was numb. The doctor and others asked me at various times if I felt anything, and I didn’t (other than tugging and pulling). At one point, I suddenly smelled the unmistakable scent of something burning. “What is that? That burning smell?” I asked, glancing above me (really, behind me) at Bryce, who stood there.

“I’ll tell you later,” he said.

Which immediately told me I didn’t want to know what it was. 

Yeah, it was me burning, while the medical staff cauterized me, keeping me from bleeding to death.

(The fact that cesarean sections are major surgery, and regularly happen every day in the United States, is, frankly, a miracle. Everyone hears about the horror stories when something goes wrong, but considering the number of women who go through them without incident, we as a society completely take them for granted.)

As the tugging and pulling continued, and Doctor M said things like, “there’s the head”, the sense of anticipation increased. I’ve never felt anything like it before. Both Mister and I knew any moment we would meet our baby, and after waiting 39 weeks (and eight years before that), it was almost unbearable.

Doctor M said, “Here’s the baby!”

I heard a slight cry, and I looked up at Mister, who sat on my right, holding my hand. He looked down at me and said, “It’s Jonas.”

Even thinking about that moment now brings tears to my eyes. In knowing Mister almost eleven years, I’ve only seen him cry maybe five times. Including this year, on March 12th. We both were bawling, and laughing at the same time, as Jonas VERY loudly screamed his disapproval at being evicted from his warm, cozy space. At one point, Mister, laughing as he cried said, “One of the ---s (our last name) needs to stop crying in here!”

He has a rather husky cry, Jonas does. I loved his cry from the moment I first heard it (though I don’t actually like to hear him cry, if that makes any sense).

As I was sewn up, Mister moved his chair over to where our baby was, under a heat lamp. Then he brought Jonas over to me. My first thought was, he’s HUGE. My second thought was, he was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.

He weighed nine pounds, five ounces at birth, and had a fifteen inch head circumference. After I heard that, I knew a natural birth was never going to happen. He was born on Friday the 12th of March, at 1:14 pm. The digital clock on the wall said 13:14, which I thought was cool. And it made it a bit easier to remember the time :)

He had lots of dark hair, which I loved. My sister’s had bald babies, so it was nice to have a different-looking kid. Over the last few months, his hair almost entirely disappeared due to cradle cap, and is coming back in...blond. Genetics!

I can say now that it’s past, that I was more afraid during pregnancy than I could admit to anyone, even Mister. I have always been a worrier, and finally being pregnant after so many years, and being high risk due to my age (and my shunt, and the gestational diabetes...) I was in almost constant worry of something going wrong. First of miscarriage (no one needed to tell me of the statistics regarding older mothers), then of stillbirth, like the cord getting wrapped around baby’s neck, and death happening before delivery could happen. I have heard of at least two different stories of that happening to pregnant women in the ninth month - friends of friends of mine - and the fear of that, or something else equally catastrophic happening was, at times, almost crippling. I would’ve preferred to have never been pregnant at all rather than suffer a miscarriage or stillbirth. 

Perhaps it sounds childish, but mentally I didn’t think I was strong enough to have the dream of motherhood dashed, when every day of pregnancy brought that dream closer. I was (and still am) too much of a realist to ignore the statistics; I couldn’t pretend I was 22 and have a blissfully ignorant uneventful pregnancy. To this day, even after giving birth to a healthy baby, one of the biggest things that will set me off is the assumption that way too many people have. “We’re planning on getting pregnant soon.” “Just have kids, you’ll understand.” “I can take you out and make one just like you.” [a redneck phrase I’ve heard being said to a misbehaving child]

Not many of us can “plan” on getting pregnant exactly when we want to - or even within a year’s time. Not all of us can “just have kids” - they’re not like going to the store and getting a gallon of milk. (I recognize the privilege of living in a society where going to the store and expecting fresh milk can also sound arrogant to those who don’t live in one.) ‘Take out’ a kid (even said in jest), and ‘make another one’? I MIGHT have another child in the next couple years. More likely, I won’t. Not all of us can just get pregnant at the drop of a hat. (That’s assuming the one wanting to get pregnant even has a male partner or sperm donor at the ready...some never find that person to have a child with. And adoption can be a great thing, but not everyone is cut out for it. Shaming infertile and childless people for not wanting to adopt is disgusting.)

I was open with my OB-GYN about my fears during pregnancy and she referred me to several resources, and monitored me for PPD. My best friend’s son died in March 2020, a year before Jonas was born (though Billy had severe disabilities which made his death a certain thing), and my sister had had a stillborn son in August 2019 (my nephew Christian). So Jonas being born healthy was a huge relief for me. I can’t really describe the relief, except to say that as much physical weight I gained during pregnancy, letting go of the weight of the worry was felt even more deeply than losing the pounds since his birth (and I’ve haven’t lost all of that).

I will probably always worry about *something*, when it comes to Jonas. He gave me a scare earlier this week, rolling off the couch before I could catch him. He’s fine...and the incident scared me more than it scared him. But every day since he was born is a reminder of the gift he is, and I hope I never lose sight of that, even on the frustrating days (and there have been those over the last almost six months, and there will be more to come).

If you ever wanted children, and are fortunate enough to have them, cherish them. Be grateful for them, even when they drive you up the wall. Even when you only want three minutes’ peace, and they won’t give it to you. Love them anyway. I try to.  

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Grace Heals 01: How Did You Betray Simon?

This is dedicated to the growth and wellness of Grace Monroe. I hadn’t seen much fic content for where Grace may go next that wasn’t centered around “fixing” the series. I don’t feel like it needs fixing, but just wanted to venture where I’d love to see Grace go and be as she works on things after we last see her in Book 3. So, everything that was canon precedes this story that I’ve began for my beloved baby girl @pearlseleganciess and my sister @andromidagalaxie (I cannot tag you sis, I don’t understand why, so I’m sorry, but this goes out to you). @i-am-a-passenger Idek if you wanna read it, but it seems like something we’d be on about in the messages, so I’m tagging you at least to this one to see how you feel.

“How did you betray Simon?”

Grace had been standing there for a while, after having had every denizen plaything brought to her so that she could try to see if they could be mended. She was taking a break whenever Lucy’s voice rescued her from her thoughts, but it took her a moment to try to process the question. “How did I, or why did I? We have to get in the habit of clarifying our questions before giving our answers, so that we know what we’re saying. That way… There are no misunderstandings and if anybody is hurt, it’s not because we lied to them.”

“Is that how it happened? You were unclear when you lied to him?” Lucy sounded a little disappointed in that thought.

“No. I was clear. I deliberately lied. I thought that I was doing what was best, and I stand by it. But… I get that… maybe if Simon and I could’ve been clearer sooner, understood each other more instead of just leaning into what we thought we needed… Maybe I wouldn’t have felt like I needed to lie to protect Hazel. Maybe we would’ve been better for each other. Maybe we wouldn’t have misguided so many kids that I genuinely wanted to help in the same way that I thought I was helping Simon…” 

Lucy picked up Simon’s book and began scribbling in it. “If we’re going to change our language, maybe I should edit out every usage of the N word.” Grace appreciated that she took the liberty of doing so on her own, instead of looking to her for permission. “Replace the Null of Dissention with… The Denizen of… Repentance?… No. That’s too long. I’ll just put H.. was it Hazel?” Grace’s eyes welled with tears and Lucy’s good eye noted it. She nodded once, “It was Hazel,” she said, going through to edit. 

She stared at the book for a while longer, then finally said, “I meant how. How did you betray Simon? I didn’t know him as long as you did, and I didn’t like him as much as you did, but it was still really hard for me not to listen to him. Even when what he said sounded wrong. What he said about you didn’t sound like you. But, I believed him. I trusted him. How did you figure out how to not trust him? How did you decide not to follow the king?” Lucy looked shaky, regretful. She was asking for instructions, not for Grace to explain herself. 

Still, Grace had to be certain, just like she promised, to be clear about the conversations she had with others and to answer them to the best of her knowledge. She couldn’t be a know-it-all anymore. She had to just be honest and straightforward, even when she didn’t know, and do her best to understand what was being asked of her, instead of presuming. “Lucy… Are you asking me this as a way to help you figure out how to learn to stick up for yourself?”

“I want to be brave enough to overthrow an unfit leader. Simon was an unfit leader. A lot of us had to have known. I couldn’t be the only one who didn’t like... the changes…”

Grace sighed and nodded her head. She sat down, legs sprawled and rested her elbows on her knees as she thought, “Well… I think that first and foremost, the important thing to understand is that even if you were the only one who didn’t like it, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with not thinking like everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with thinking for yourself and having a different opinion than other people. The problem isn’t in our opinions, but our actions. Whenever I… realized that I cared about Hazel, I knew that Simon had a different opinion, but… my actions. I wanted so much to keep what I had with Simon, to keep our peace, to keep him happy, I hurt a little girl that thought I cared about her. I couldn’t take that back.”

“We were going to wheel you… Can… can we not take that back?” Lucy asked, worried.

“The good news is that I made it. I know how it feels to let down a friend and to hurt them, and I never want to make you feel that way. As long as we’re both still here, there is time to change, and time to talk it out. So, to answer your question, we can’t undo what we’ve already done, but we can use what we learn from what we did wrong to do better in the future.”

“But… Do you hate us? Doesn’t some part of you hate us, like Simon hated you when you betrayed him?” Lucy was now losing her tough exterior and clenching the book tightly.

Grace reached out and touched her shoulder. She loosened up and Grace took the book from her and tossed it aside to hold both of her hands.

“I could never hate you, Lucy. You and me, we’ve gone through something together that has forever changed us. I’m really glad that you have a better chance now.”

Lucy shook her head and started crying, “But, what if we had wheeled you? What if we had wheeled you like all of those nulls that we’ve wheeled, and now have to think about how wrong it was for us to do that to them? What if we had to think about that too? About having done it to you?”

“You didn’t! You didn’t!” Grace said, trying to calm her. 

She reached for a hug, but Lucy resisted and shook her head. “I called you a void. I knew that it didn’t seem right, but I still listened to Simon. You should be throwing me to the wheels.”

Grace clasped her hands together and sputtered out a breath. “Nobody should be thrown to the wheels. Believe it or not, I wouldn’t have even wanted that for Simon. I loved him more than I can put into words. From the first time I saw that I needed to protect him, that’s… just what I did. It was nice, to be needed. It was nice to have someone see me and see the best,” Tears were in Grace’s eyes now, “And it was so hard to have him see me and see the worst. For a moment, I even thought that I deserved it. I thought, what I’m guessing you’re thinking, that because I did something to hurt him, maybe I had to do more to help him.”

“You told him a stupid lie and he tried to kill you. I feel like that’s an overreaction,” Lucy complained. “He failed us.”

“No, Lucy. We failed you. He’s just the one who didn’t live to fix it.”

“Shouldn’t all fall on you,” Lucy said and kicked Simon’s book off the table.

“And, it doesn’t. Remember, we’re doing this together. I can try to help you, but I can’t fix everything. But, you have me here and I’m telling you the truth when I say that you deserve to get to change. Everybody does.”

“Then, why can’t everybody change? Why couldn’t Simon?”

Grace shook her head and blinked away more stinging tears, “I can’t answer for Simon, but maybe a part of life continuing is not having an answer for everything. Maybe… we’ll all do our best to find answers that are good and sound, because we saw how… badly it could end… if we’re not willing to see any other ways but our own.  I know I'm willing to give it my best shot." Lucy nodded her head and finally was ready for a hug. Grace squeezed her tightly, thinking of Hazel, but not wanting to equate Lucy and Hazel. They were both two very different little girls. She had regrets about Hazel, but she had also come to terms with that mentally. Maybe she would see her again, but probably not and she couldn’t equate every kid she knew with Hazel; just like she shouldn’t have equated every kid she met with a sad short boy in socks and sandals.

But, she was never going to stop loving either of them. That was just… How she was. People didn’t get close to her and the ones who had… Well, she was going to have to learn how to let other people get close too. It would take some of these kids a long time to trust this new evolution of hers, but most of them wanted to. 

Lucy had wanted to. “Umm… Grace?”

“Yes, Lucy?”

“Can… you stop hugging me. It’s getting a little uncomfortable.” Grace quickly let go and placed her hand on the back of her neck, laughing. Lucy just smiled at her, almost like you would some poor silly fool. “Thank you for clearing it up,” Lucy said and picked up Simon’s book off of the floor. “On second thought, I don’t think we need this. I’m gonna wheel it,” Lucy said. Grace wanted to stop her, for sentimental reasons, but… None of the other kids touched Simon’s things. There would be something that she could hold on to, whenever she had the nerve to go in there. That book… it was probably filled with things that she never wanted to think about, with all the parts of Simon that she didn’t quite notice until she started changing. 

“Lucy!” She called after her, realizing that she had never answered her question. The girl stopped, panicked for a moment, thinking that maybe she had done something wrong. “I changed. That’s how I betrayed him. I became a person that valued something more than I valued what we had, what we built.”

“But… you built something that was bad,” Lucy said. Grace nodded. “So, you changed into someone good.”

“I changed into someone who was thinking from a good place. I don’t know if I feel comfortable saying that I became good.”

“I feel comfortable saying it, because I have a different opinion than you, and that’s okay.” Grace smiled at Lucy as she trotted along to the door to get rid of the book. At least somebody believed that she was good.

[ketsuyuki-hibana-typed]

Requested by @sherillda (maybe the user change the name, can't tag)

By the way, it's almost impossible for a Shinazugawa Sanemi to be in trouble at pinch situation (except final arc)

It's canon that he could hold sword's handle with his toe, he could stop the bleeding with his muscle (it's his ability), he could trigger Genya's gun RIGHT at his ear without disturbing his movements, he still moved fast even though the wounds were all over his body, not to mention he's PARTIALLY COLOR BLIND but didn't bothered by that.

Like, wow. Stan this man.

But again, I thought, "This is fiction, Hibana." Ah right, everything could happen.

Shinazugawa Sanemi x Pillar!Reader

Warning: Heavy Injury Description

"THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS IS HARDER TO DEAL WITH!!"

"HAAH?!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

It was a morning couple quarrel before Pillars meeting.

You wanted him to be more softer towards his students. You couldn't take their painful stories about the training and promised them to talk with Sanemi.

But it's getting worst.

"It's my students, and I could do whatever I fucking want!!"

"Yes! Yes, I know! But it's inhumane!!"

Thus, the squabble between you and him were continued until Oyakata-sama presented himself in front of the Pillars

In the middle of meeting, Oyakata suggested to make a pair mission for you two, because the request from a certain region was actually difficult.

But, Sanemi insisted to go alone and told Oyakata to assign you to other region.

"I'm afraid that she will get in my way."

It tickled you off. How dare you, how dare you Sanemi? I'm literally equal to you!! But you just stay on your folded feet, and tried to press your anger.

Oyakata-sama smiled and said, "She's not weak, Sanemi. You knew it too, she willl not be here if she's not strong. But, if you persisted."

It really pissed you off to see his hidden grinning on Oyakata's back.

The quarrels continued, now instead of talking about his students, you scolded him for being rude and implied that you're weak.

Himejima had to step up ande mediate between both of you. He pulled Sanemi off while Mitsuri calmed you down.

After that, you neither talk to him nor had lunch with him.

"COME!! ATTACK ME WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT! WHY, BECAUSE IM MAD RIGHT NOW!! HAHA, I'M WEAK?! LET'S PROOF IT THEN!"

That's nonsense!! Your students shivered in fear because you never being like this before, but they had no choice and attacked you.

They were like sand-bag for you today.

Sanemi's side wasn't getting better. Their train getting more excruciating than ever.

He still went to the assigned mission that night, without you of course. You went to assigned region.

No secret kissing, hugging and promise to stay alive together like always, you avoided him and he avoided you.

Because it's obvious. If both of you met again, you and him will just throw profanity each other again.

Sanemi's head was in cloud. He did everything to excite his anger on his way. Punching the trees, kicking stones, stomping the ground, cursing, anything.

"Dumb like her only thought about happy things and will be killed as soon as she stepped on this place."

He's too busy with his mind, and didn't realize there's demon who eyed on him from behind.

Meanwhile, you finished your part on your regions. Not in the blink of an eye, it's pretty difficult fight. There were wounds on your chest, but you still able to restrain the pains.

"I wonder how is Sanemi- WELL I DON'T CARE, WHATEVS, HE'S STRONG RIGHT?, HE DOESN'T NEED ME!"

After receiving some gratitude from the lower Demon Slayer Ranks because you helped them too, you planned to head back to headquarters.

And suddenly a loud blast was heard from the wood east.

You looked at the direction, it's Sanemi assigned region.

"Huh, why am I thinking about him. My job is done. I don't care."

But, you stopped your walk. What if the situation getting dangerous, what if the demon he met didn't intoxicate with his Marechi blood, what if-

'I had a bad feeling about this.' You clenched your fist. "Evacuate all of the villagers around here. For the rest of Demon Slayers, help Kakushis brought injured slayers back to the headquarters." You ordered the rest of Kakushis.

"Yes, (y/n)-sama!"

"Are you planning to go to that area? You got injuries too. Please let me treat you first." asked one of them.

"No worries, I could handle this alone. There's no time. I count on you."

"Understood."

That being said, you started to sway your bad feelings and run to his direction.

On the other hand, Sanemi's fight with the demon was started long ago.

He let out heavy gasp, getting battered from the annoying demon. He started to move recklessly, attacking with his breath techniques but none of it were able to take the monster down.

"Tch!"

Sansmi could feel the blood dripped on his abdomen, no, it's flowing now. "Fuck." He muttered under his breath, trying to surpress his wound with his muscle ability. He's tired, he know, but of course he couldn't run away from here. He knew there is village nearby and he couldn't let this giant demon murdered the villagers.

He jumped again to avoid random attack from the demon. His breathe was heavier than it should be.

A mere demon supposed to be intoxicated by his blood but now, his deep wound on his left and no sign of the demon to moving slower are the real proof that this isn't just a mere demon. A new type? Poison? Probably.

His back was sagged behind the tree, trying to catch a breath but failed. The demon didn't give him rest. It lifted its claws on the air, ready to torn him apart.

"Heh, you even won't let me breath?'

'At least, let me say sorry to her.'

"Couldn't believe that Great Shinazugawa will be in hopeless state like this."

Then, he saw a familiar yet beautiful breathing technique unleashed upon him.

"Third form!!" You gracefully stepped up in front of him, targeting its neck and pushing force thorough your blade.

"What, it's thick!" You jumped back, positioning yourself in stance, pointing your blade towards the demon and protecting Sanemi.

He stared your back with surprised expression. Aren't you going to your region? Why are you here?

"If you could stand, then help me out."

He stood up, joining you at your side. "Don't be a shitty brat, you're injured too."

"Whatever you call."

You tried once more again, with different form of breathing. He went to the other direction. Both of you tried to swing your blades on this demon, but it fend Sanemi's attack and pulled your back with his claw.

You cut its hand off, and quickly jumped backwards, using a tree to let you caught breathe for a moment before used the trunk to support your jump again.

"Fourth style!!"

This time, you and him succeeded to slashed your blade to its neck.

You saw it degraded into ash,nwiping your sweat from your temple. You looked at Sanemi laid down on the ground while panting hard.

"Are you okay?" You knelt in front of him, trying to not look so unsympathetic, even though all you wanna do now is hugged him, and told him, "I'm so relieved you're still alive."

"I don't need you."

"There you go again." You sighed. He sat down. "Let's treat your wo- huh?"

Your vision suddenly blurred. Your hands felt cold. Shivering, you started to lose control of your own body.

And fell into the ground.

Sanemi looked at you in shock. He moved forward and brought you into his embrace.

"Hey, what- goddammit." His palm felt sticky when he touched your back. He looked at his hands.

It made his heart sunk into his stomach. He swear he could make a small pool of your blood with his palm only.

It's not just a scratch, the demon tore your back apart, some of your muscle meat were about to fell off. He suspected it was from earlier when both of you was being attacked back.

"HANG ON!!" He screamed.

"Sa... Ne... Mi... What-"

"DON'T TALK AGAIN!" He quickly suturing the necessary skins to prevent your blood flowing more. He wrapped you in his haori, and soon your blood absorbed into the fabric. "I know you could bear this!! Hang in there!!"

He desperately tried to keep you awake by yelled and called your name while carrying you on his back.

You couldn't feel anything.

It's cold.

It's numb.

You remembered you didn't have chance to say sorry to him.

That one last thought and you dropped your body fully on to his back, unconscious.

You often heard somebody's voice in your sleep, calling your name but you can't move your finger, let alone your body. You couldn't do anything, just hearing that desperate voices saying, "I'm sorry. Please wake up."

It's a pity voice, you thought. I wanted to tell this person that I'm fine, that he didn't have to apologize.

And one day, you snapped your eyes open and white ceilings is the first thing you saw.

You gasped, processing the last fight that rolled again on your brain.

"Oh my God, he's right, I'm weak."

"You're awake and the first thing you say is that you're weak?" Shinobu entered your ward. You let out an awkward laugh. "How is your feeling?" She asked cheerfully.

"Better! I felt great!" You sat down with her help.

"That's good to hear, because I was threatened by your boyfriend if I didn't make you open your eyes in one week, he will kill me. Well, I doubt he could do that."

"Wait, I was sleeping for almost 1 week? I'm really sorry, Shinobu-chan."

"It's okay. I'm actually surprised too because it's a miracle that with this fatal injuries, you're still alive."

"...how bad is it?"

"Scratches on your back."

"Just scra-"

"Big and deep scratch, I could saw your spinal bone thorough your wounded back."

"That's- that's bad."

"Now you know. I will check on you later again. Please rest."

"Will do, thank you! Do you know where Sanemi is?"

"I don't know."

With one last waving, you put your back on the pillow. You looked at the table beside you, a vase with white lily in it and two untouched Ohagi.

"Must be him." you thought. You didn't expect him to visit you because you know he prefers training but looks like he really did stay here for awhile.

You stepped down from your bed slowly. Your back was still hurt but you really wanted to go outside and felt the sun.

It's really quiet here.

"Huh, my back must be so ugly now."

When you walked around, the triplets found and greet you, saying "I'm glad you're fine!"

You talked with them while sitting on engawa and that's when you saw Sanemi from afar. He also noticed you.

You stood up from your seat and waved at him.

"Sane- wha-"

He dropped everything on his hands and went towards you with furious steps.

And pinched your cheek.

"Wawawawa!!!"

"FINALLY, YOU FUCKING WAKE UP."

"Ah, Shinazugawa-san! (y/n) is still injured!"

"SHUT UP."

The girls were running away in fright, but not forgetting to wave at you.

You puffed your cheek and pressed your palm on both of it.

"It hur-"

He suddenly hugged you, almost made your back collided with the floor. He quickly held your back, preventing you to hit the wooden floor.

"Sa- Sanemi?"

He made you sat, still hugging you and planted his forehead on your crook.

"You're alive."

"Yeah? Looks like I am? You're being weird. I'm scared, a little."

"Shut up. It's my fault, I'm sorry."

"What-" He tighten up his embrace. You saw a vague red on his ear tip.

Oho.

"I won't repeat it twice."

"I get it, I get it. I didn't really think about it anymore." You caressed his hair and rubbed his cheek. "You're alive too, that's the matter."

"If I didn't being so stubborn and being more stronger, you probably didn't have to encounter this." He muttered on your skin. He really relieved when he saw you sat there, he really thought he will never see you again. When the thought of he never saw your smile again, he became crazy, and blamed himself. He couldn't help but think that it's his fault.

But now, you're breathing, he felt yiur warm skin, he felt your soothing voice again.

"Well, I'm sorry too, because you proofed my point, I'm the one who weaklings here."

"If you're weak, you di- nevermind, I don't want to think about it."

This dumb quarrel should've ended earlier.

"Yeah, me too." He pulled a warm smile and kissed your lips quickly. You blushed from the unexpected action.

He just realize what he has done and he wanted to hid his face right now.

Sanemi released his hug, changed his position. He put his head on your thighs, facing your stomach, and hugging your hips.

Not wanting to show his burning face.

"I wanted to sleep, I'm tired of taking care and guard the princess for almost one week. She gave me hard time. Wake me up at noon." You giggled.

"Sure." You stroked his white hair slowly. He shifted for a moment to find comfortable position. His stiff shoulder was relaxed and finally sunk into your tender body.

Your fellow Pillars were coming and heading on your way. You put your index finger on your lips while looking at them. All of the Pillars were stopped for a moment when he saw that feral man slept peacefully on your thighs.

Except one man, Uzui Tengen.

"Look, it's the guy who begging for his girlfriend to come back to life but being tsundere and now casually being intimate in the estate."

Sanemi snapped his eyes open, sat up and turned around. You jolted. Even though you couldn't saw it, you could feel Sanemi's malicious eyes pierced thorough that flamboyant man.

"I'LL KILL YOU, UZUI. I'LL KILL YOU."

[let-me-write-shit]

Somebody To You: 7

Friendly reminder to please Like and/or Reblog. It helps more than you think! :)

WARNING: Smut!!! (I put **** before and after so you can skip if you’d like)

Word Count: 2,928

A/N: There’s not too much Harry in this chapter. I thought about combining 7 & 8, but it would have been waayyyyy too long. I’m excited for the next chapter! It’ll be a super fluffy one.

Click Here For Previous Chapter & Other Completed Stories

------------------------------

CHAPTER SEVEN

As much as she tried to hide it, the heartache Zoey felt was impossible to ignore. The first week of June got harder day by day and there were still four days to go until June 9th. One whole year since her best friend died. The week started out okay, for the most part. She was able to fake a smile and pretend to care about what anyone had to say. She was even able to participate in a movie night with her roommates and Brett. But by Friday, Zoey had pretty much distanced herself from everyone.

Andy, of course, knew why she was upset and tried his best to show his understanding by the occasional hug or keeping everyone distracted at work so they didn’t notice her extra breaks, but he knew there was nothing he could say that’d make her feel any better. 

Nancy and Rory could tell something was bothering her, but by the fourth vague reply they received when they asked her what was wrong and if she was okay, they realized that she just didn’t want to talk about it and gave her some space while still finding ways to be the most amazing friends. All week they had been doing little things like buying her flowers, bringing her food, and leaving random sweet notes around the apartment expressing their love for her.

She had even been more distant with Harry, leaving a lot of his texts and calls unanswered. She felt bad because there was so much she wanted to confide in him about. All she wanted to do was talk about Jess, but she was just afraid that if she did, it would make the pain worse. And as understanding and as kind as Harry was, she just didn’t know if she could handle that.

Even Brett was unsure of what to do. In the last two days he’d come over to her place, Zoey made the excuse that she was too tired to hang out, so he wound up spending time with Rory and Nancy instead. She had distanced herself so much that by Friday night at work he didn’t know if they were still going on their date because she hadn’t mentioned anything about it all week. But after a brief conversation with Andy who reminded her not to forget her J-energy, she decided that she could really use the distraction.

Since Zoey worked later than Brett, they decided that they would meet up at the restaurant later after her shift ended. Luckily in LA most bars and restaurants were open all night and into the early hours of the morning, so they had their pick on where to go.

Her body felt heavy on the way up to her apartment, feeling physically and mentally exhausted. She had half a mind to call Brett and cancel their date, but she kept pushing the thought away. She needed to get out. She needed to force herself out of this funk before she spiraled.

Zoey pushed open the front door to her apartment and immediately heard the sound of laughter coming from the living room. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as it sounded like more people than she had anticipated. When she came into view, she stopped in her tracks.

“Oh. Hi. I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

Brett smiled at her from the couch, “I finished getting ready early and was bored, so I just figured it’d be easier to pick you up from here and just hang out with Rory and Nancy while I waited for you. Is that okay?”

“Oh, yeah, no, that’s fine,” Zoey shook her head, “I’m just going to get changed real quick, and then we can go.”

Zoey smiled tiredly at her friends before bounding to her room. She tossed her bag and phone on the bed and collapsed beside them, blowing out a ton of air and letting her muscles relax into the sheets, closing her eyes for just a minute. A chime sounded from her phone and she reached to grab it, noticing a new text from Harry along with two missed ones. She opened it and read the first text that said ‘Thinking of you. I’m here if you need me.’ The second was a picture of a cat with its face in a slice of bread, and the most recent was a quote from Princess Bride that read ‘For now, rest well and dream of large women’.

Zoey snorted, sitting upright and typing back a simple yellow heart emoji before heading to her closet. She decided on a red swiss dot dress with a plunging neckline paired with nude heels and gold necklaces. She freshened up her makeup a bit and put her ponytail into a neat bun, examining herself in the mirror one last time. Satisfied, she took a deep breath, actually feeling excited about her date with Brett.

As soon as she walked into view, Nancy burst into hoots and hollers, screaming about how good Zoey looked. She was such a good hype-girl and instantly made Zoey feel more confident. Aurora smiled her sweet, freckle-faced smile and said, “Zoey, you look gorgeous!”

“Thank you,” Zoey blushed, feeling loved by her roommates.

Brett stood up and joined her, giving her a little smirk before taking her hand and leading her out towards her car, informing her on which bar and grille he was taking her to and telling her all about the wonderful entrees he’s tried there in the past. The restaurant wasn’t anything fancy. It was a typical bar and grille, something she preferred over the typical five-star restaurants. She just felt more comfortable in this type of environment. Their waiter was clearly new but very nice as he took their food and drink orders, delivering it pretty quickly considering the number of people there, which was surprising for the hour at nearly 1 AM. They continued their conversation about work, laughing about conversations with some of their regulars and joking about their horror stories when they first started in the restaurant industry.

“You know, you really do look amazing tonight,” Brett smirked, eyeing her up and down.

Zoey grinned, taking a sip of her margarita. She had the habit of zoning out whenever Brett talked. Not because she was uninterested in what he had to say, but because accents were her weakness. This food was good and all, but she didn’t want to sit across from him over a meal and talk. All she really wanted was for him to throw her on her bed and pin her down.

Brett reached across the table and took her hand in his, running his thumb along hers as he stared into her face. “Thanks for coming on a date with me tonight.”

Zoey smiled kindly, but paused before speaking, narrowing her eyes slightly, “Brett, what are we doing?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, taken aback.

Harry’s question kept replaying in her mind. What’s the point of going on a date if it’s just a casual thing? The question was valid. What was the point? Before they even got close they discussed the intent of their relations to just be casual. But things were beginning to feel more serious now. Brett was around a lot more, texted and called her more frequently, even when he spent the night in her bed, she found that he would roll over and cuddle with her in the middle of the night. None of these things bothered her in their own right, but friends with benefits didn’t cuddle, did they?

“I mean, why are we on a date?” she repeated.

“Because I like spending time with you.”

“We always spend time together. You’re over all the time, I see you at work, we hang out outside of work. Why did we have to go on a date for you to spend time with me?”

Brett slowly took his hand back and sat up straight, eyes more concerned, “Do you not want to be on a date with me?”

Zoey sighed, worried that she might have just hurt his feelings, “No, Brett, it’s not like that. I’m just confused. I thought that we were just keeping things casual, and this seems a little more than casual.”

Brett was silent for a moment, staring down at his nearly empty plate before looking up, more confident this time, “How about you tell me what you want.”

“In what way?”

“Well, what do you want? Do you want to date? Or do you just want me to come over, fuck you, and then leave? Do you want to be just friends? What do you want this,” he motioned between the two of them, “to look like?”

His words seemed harsh, but his demeanor felt calm. He was genuinely asking her what she wanted. And to be honest, she hadn’t really thought about it. Her thoughts ranged over every possible scenario he listed, weighing the pros and cons of each option. But she kept thinking about how much fun she had at the beach with everyone and hated the idea of that ending. Her friend group was small, but it was mighty and strong. She couldn’t let that go. Especially not now.

Zoey’s head hurt, too many emotions swirling in her brain. She kept trying to stay focused on her conversation with Brett but would hear a laugh that sounded like Jess’s or smelled a scent that reminded her of her best friend that kept bringing her back to the fact that Jess had been gone for nearly a year and the pain felt like stabbing in her chest. She needed a distraction. She needed more than mental stimulation to keep her mind off of it. 

“Zoey?” Brett repeated, getting her attention.

Zoey placed her palms on the table and looked Brett in the face, her eyes more desperate than she had been all night as she said, “I want you to take me home and fuck me.”

Brett’s eyes widened, not expecting her response. He stuttered at first, unsure of how to respond or what she even really meant as it didn’t answer his question. But he snapped out of it quickly before pulling his wallet out and tossing a wad of cash on the table, almost certain he had overpaid, before sliding out of the booth, taking her hand and practically dragging her out of the restaurant.

The car ride back was silent, the sexual tension almost too much to handle. She kept squeezing her fists, letting her nails dig into the palm of her hands as she tried to occupy her thoughts on anything but the anniversary of her friend’s death or the fact that she had to make a decision on what she wanted to do about Brett.

He averaged 90 MPH on the way back to her condo, luckily without being pulled over. The elevator to the twenty-second floor could not have been slower, and luckily when they finally made it inside of her apartment, Rory and Nancy had already seemingly gone to bed. She really didn’t want to have to deal with any awkward before sex small talk. Binx had pranced over to them at the sound of the door opening and meowed up at the two, pressing the side of his head onto their ankles as he weaved in between their feet. Brett ignored him and led her straight to her room, closing the door before Binx could follow them in, and turned, pushing her against it.

***********************

 Their noses bumped into each other’s cheeks as they kissed, their teeth scraped by how hard Brett pressed his mouth to hers. Still not impressed with his kissing abilities, at least he showed eagerness, as he hungrily pulled her clothes off of her and slipped his condom from his pocket before pulling his own clothes off of himself. Instead of carrying her to the bed this time, he carefully inched her backward until the back of her legs bumped against the side of her bed frame. 

Zoey fell back onto her bed, scooting herself back as Brett ripped open the condom wrapper and slid it onto his member. Her chest rose and fell and her stomach twitched, impatient for more touch. He hovered over her, breath hot as he pressed his lips to hers once more and running his tongue over her teeth. She felt him reach down and take hold of himself before positioning his tip at her entrance, once again skipping the foreplay. She couldn’t blame him this time, though. She did tell him to take her home and fuck her which was exactly what he was doing.

He moaned into her mouth as he pumped himself inside of her and Zoey forced her face away from his and buried it into his neck in an attempt to regain feeling in her lips again. She breathed heavily, sliding her right hand in between their bodies until she reached her clit, pressing roughly and massaging herself counterclockwise, throwing her head back in pleasure. 

“You like that?” Brett grunted, pumping harder. “Yeah? You like that, don’t you!” He forced his upper half up higher and took hold of her breast with his free hand, squeezing hard. “You like that big cock, huh? You’re so wet,” he trailed off.

Zoey slapped her other hand over his mouth and groaned, “shut the fuck up,” before pushing him off of her and shoving him back down on the bed, straddling his hips.

Brett bit his lips as she slid herself onto him and placed her palms on either side of her head, bouncing her bottom half on him, slowly at first before gaining momentum. He grabbed her hips, pushing her further on his cock as he watched her breasts smack together. Alternating speed and direction, she felt her body start to shiver each time she hit her g-spot. He tried to grab her ass and stop her from moving as he neared climax so that he didn’t have to finish yet, but with her on top, she was in control. She leaned back, rubbing herself on his cock, stomach twitching from the pleasure and he gripped at her thighs, grunting as he came. Zoey kept rubbing herself with his cock still inside her, so close to peaking when finally her body stiffened and she finished.

********************************

Zoey lifted herself off of him and got to her feet, trying to regain her balance before she staggered through her dark bedroom, grabbing her robe and quietly making her way out into the hall and towards the bathroom where she did her business. Zoey stared at her face in the mirror. Her makeup was cracking, her bun was falling out of the hair tie, and her lips were bright red raw from how hard the kissing was. She rolled her sleeves above her elbow and splashed her face with water before grabbing some face wash, lathering it up in her hands, and pressing it to her face, working in circular motions and splashing her face once more, letting the water drip down her nose and into the sink. She did this two more times until she felt like her face was completely makeup-free, patting on some moisturizer before heading back to her room.

Binx was standing in front of her door and she smiled, picking him up and nuzzling her face into his soft fur, pecking the top of his head before setting him back down and slipping back into her bedroom where Brett was, now under the covers and propping his head up with his arm underneath a pillow. Zoey pulled on some underwear and draped her robe back over the back of the chair before slipping into bed beside him.

“You never answered my question,” he finally spoke.

Zoey breathed, “I know.”

“Whatever you want, I’m okay with it.”

She thought for a moment before speaking, “I like hanging out with you. Hell, my friends like hanging out with you. I just don’t want to go on any more dates with you, because I don’t want anything serious right now.”

Brett nodded, “I agree.”

“But if you ever want to have sex, let me know,” Zoey added, lightening the mood making Brett laugh.

There was a moment of hesitation before Brett asked, “Do you want me to leave, then? Or should I stay?”

Zoey shook her head, running her hand down the length of his arm, “No, it’s late. You can stay.”

She watched as he rolled over and fell asleep. And just as quickly as he began snoring, Jess was back on her mind. Tonight was the most energy and talking she had done in a week and she was already exhausted, but her brain would not shut off. Zoey’s mind circled between her best friend and the need and desire to talk about her with Harry. Apart of her wanted to text him to see if he was up. If anyone would understand and know what to say, it’d be him. But it would only be 5 AM on the East coast, and Zoey didn’t know if she could handle the conversation, anyway. Instead, she stared out of the window, forgetting to close to curtains earlier, straining to find a star against the lit-up LA night sky. There was a faint glow in the distance, barely visible, but there, and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut, whispering so quietly that it could have just been a breath, “I miss you,” before she finally drifted to sleep.

KEEP READING

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Taglist for Somebody To You:

@thurhomish​

[rafivadafreddy]

I Wonder

A Rafael Barba and Amelia ‘Emma’ Herrera Story.

Summery: Amelia ‘Emma’ broke up with Rafael when he was 18 and she was just 16. He left for Harvard and Emma left for Italy two years later when she graduated. Fast-forward Fourteen years when Emma and Rafael run into each other again. Will there still be sparks between the two or have they both changed too much to be together again?

Not gonna be a long fic. Maybe just a few parts.

Word Count: 2,027

Warnings: Uhm. Cursing?(Is that even a warning? Who doesn’t curse.) Spanish... Italian. I don’t know

"Rafi! Don't you understand! I'm doing this because I care about you!" Emma begged the man to understand. "You got a scholarship to Harvard! I still have two years of school left. You should go and enjoy your full ride out of this place!" she cupped his cheeks with her hands and brushed her thumbs under his eyes where she could see the tears forming. Heck, Emma had to force herself not to cry. She had to break up with Rafael, what could she offer him once he ups and leaves for Harvard? She was just a silly sixteen-year-old who was madly in love with him. Yet when she heard him talking to Eddie and Alex about refusing the offer to leave and find a college closer to home... because of her. She knew she had to stop him.

"Pero cariño. it's fine..."(wait sweetie) he tried to speak, but Emma covered his lips with her own one last time.

"Please... go be somebody in this life, Rafael. You deserve it, you worked way too hard for this scholarship to throw it away." She spoke quietly. "Besides, I'm not anywhere near as smart as you are. I'll be in a local college here in two years. Probably still trying to figure out what to do with my life. Not you though, you just go and be happy." Emma nodded before taking a step back away from Rafael. Turning to see her mother calling her down the street from their apartment building. Emma sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. 

"adiós mi amor..."(Goodbye my love.) she whispered before turning around and running home. Ignoring Rafael as he called after her. 

That summer, Amelia spent every day working and doing whatever she could to avoid Rafael. She couldn't confront him. She had gone to his graduation in secrecy. Only to leave in tears when she saw Yelina throw herself in his arms and kiss his cheek repeatedly. She should have known, Yelina was Rafael's age, they were both gorgeous and smart. Why wouldn't Rafael want to be with someone like her? Why he kept trying to talk to Amelia was beyond her. Amelia only knew that she wasn't about to fall for his words.

By the time school was back, Emma focused on her schoolwork, even starting to do theater. Becoming a star student quickly, earning the leading roles, and ending up having an amazing rest of the school year. Eddie Garcia would come to each show of hers, supporting the young girl. The two, after Rafael left, became close friends. Especially when Eddie found out that Amelia's mother had a new boyfriend who paid close attention to Emma. So, Eddie would always be over and acting as he was her boyfriend. Right until her graduation came and her grandmother handed Amelia a plane ticket with a smile.

"Go see the world niña..."(Little girl) she said and when Emma saw it was a one-way ticket to Italy. She nodded and hugged her grandmother.

A week later, standing at the airport with Eddie. Her luggage already having been handed off. She hugged the man who kept her safe for the last two years. Kissing his cheek, Emma was off with a backpack over her shoulders heading to her gate. Ready for an adventure.

As she sat in the seat of the plane, watching out the small window. A tear rolling down her cheek, she softly sang under her breath. "I wonder, it's frightening... Leaving now, is that the right thing? I wonder, it scares me, but who the hell am I if I don't even try... I'm not a coward. Oh no, I'll be strong." 

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For the first two years, Amelia worked night and day to learn the language and live comfortably in a neighborhood in Verona called Valdonega. A cute little place that was still a nice walking distance from the city center. Enrolling in college, doing what she needed, Emma went for her Doctors degree. Working at cafes and restaurants to pay for everything. Along with the help from her grandma now and then.

Emma loved her life. As the years passed, she graduated and soon went to medical school and got her doctors degree in pediatrics. Finding a steady job at a hospital where she could use both her English and Italian, even her Spanish every now and again for her three year pediatrics residency. Emma just enjoyed life. Going to the Theater with her friends, working or just staying home in her little apartment. Things were going amazingly for the girl who came all the way from the Bronx. When nine years slowly passed, and Emma found herself celebrating her Thirtieth birthday with a few friends. That's when she knew what she had to do. Breaking the news of her move after one stressful shift. Emma was heading back home. Back to New York. She had done everything she needed to do to complete her pediatrics training. Now was the right time to move on.

Eddie had been excited when she emailed him two days back, the two never lost contact over the years. He even joked about her getting there in time for his wedding, something she would try to do. 

It took two weeks to sort everything out. But soon enough Amelia was on a plane heading back to New York. Back to the Bronx where a room was waiting for her at her grandmother's apartment. After Twenty-Four hours of flying and making connecting flights. Emma was sure she looked like crap when finally grabbing her luggage and heading out of the airport. She only smiled when she saw a familiar face. 

"Ciao Eddie! Come te la passi?"(Hi Eddie! How are you doing?) she grinned as she spoke Italian with the man. Who didn't look one bit bothered at all. Instead of replying, Eddie hugged Emma tightly. 

During the car ride to the Bronx, the two friends chatted. About her life in Italy, how she had a slight accent. Eddie even teasing Emma on not knowing anymore Spanish. Which earned him a punch in the arm. Amelia learned about Yelina's cheating on Rafael with Alex, during the whole relationship. Then the wedding that took place a year after the breakup. Not that Emma commented on those facts very much. What could she say? It’s been over ten years since she spoke to Rafael. Emma honestly doubted he wanted anything to do with her. Not that she would blame him. His first girlfriend dumps him -even though it was for his good- and ghosts him. His next girlfriend cheats on him with his best friend four months into their relationship of almost a year and a half and then dumps him. 

Looking out the window, Emma just bit her lip. Knowing full well she couldn't stay long at the Bronx. She would find a job at a hospital, having a bachelor's degree in nursing, and experience working in a hospital from her time in Verona. Emma was certain she could do it. 

After Eddie's wedding, something she was shocked to not see Rafael at. She soon found herself working at Bellevue at the Pediatrician ward and the E.R. After her move to Manhattan, away from the Bronx. Even though it was her home, she was just not used to it anymore. Living in a cute apartment with a roommate who Emma got along with right off the bat. Life was going great. Never realizing that every now and then a certain Cuban, green-eyed man would pass her by on the streets. But one never saw the other.

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Before Emma knew it, four years had passed since moving back to New York. One cold November morning, while standing in line at a coffee shop while texting Eddie. Waiting for the line to move, except some people just never know what they want. Causing Emma to curse and lookup. It was Seven in the morning and she had just gotten off a thirty-three-hour shift from the ER that was non-stop thanks to the huge accident that happened the night before. Amelia felt as if she would fall asleep then and there. Only ‘cause she worked an extra three hours.

"Oh, come on... " she rolled her head back and felt her neck pop. Answering her phone when it rang, the girl sighed. "Eddie Garcia! Stop calling me! I'm cranky, sleepy, and still in my scrubs, and its fucking freezing outside!" she snapped once she heard the man on the other end of the call laugh. "Tu Hijo de puta! Call me again and I won't babysit your spawn."(You son of a bitch!) Emma added, feeling a headache come on and she just sighed. Finally stepping forward and placed in her coffee order and asking for a deli sub. All while Eddie was telling her about the party for his son next and that she had to go. Emma agreed to before hanging up and waiting for her order. 

"Amelia Herrera?" a voice spoke next to her, sounding shocked. Emma already knowing that it wasn't her order being called out. Mostly because she was certain she didn't give her last name. So, turning on her heel, her eyes almost bugged out when she saw him standing there.

"Rafael Barba..." she said quietly, "Figlio di puttana..."(Son of a bitch.) she added and smiled slightly. "Ha sido un tiempo..."(It's been a while.) she frowned, thinking about how it's been around sixteen years since she’s had last seen him.

The two just stared at each other, not sure what to say. When her coffee and sandwich was handed off to her, Amelia thanked the guy and turned back to see Rafael. Taking him in. The fancy suit, briefcase in hand, hell she could practically feel the authority and sense of purpose just by the way he stood. Emma suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Knowing damn well her hair looked like a bird’s nest and her nurse’s scrubs were dirty from her shift. She had forgotten to bring a second pair of clothes when she got into work the night before.

“Yeah, it has been a while.” She heard Rafael speak after what seemed like an eternity. “You look… interesting. New look?” he said, looking her over with a smirk. Causing Emma to let out a snort.

“Oh yeah, what do you think? Think I can pull off this messy nurse look?” she said sarcastically, grinning at the man in front of her.

“I think you should maybe try another look. This one does nothing for your appearance.” He chuckled softly, “I have to get going… but we should meet for coffee... or lunch and catch up some time?” he offered and Amelia bit down on her lip before nodding.

Handing over her phone so he could add his number, Amelia watched as Rafael called his own number, so he’d have her number as well. Smiling as she was handed her phone back. Emma pocketed the device and picked up her bag and coffee. Taking a sip. She nodded.

“Right… so I’ll text you? Or… you’ll text me?” she laughed softly and ran a hand through her hair and drank more of her coffee.

After the slightly awkward goodbye, Emma dashed out of the coffee shop and walked down the sidewalk. Heading to her apartment building. As soon as she arrived, Emma ate her sub and drowned the rest of the coffee before going to shower. It was nearing Eight in the morning when Emma finally laid in her bed and slept. Waking up hours later, Emma glared at the time that read it was past Five already in the evening. Sitting up and seeing her phone notifying her she had a message. Emma grabbed it off the charger and checked out who messaged her. Smiling, she leaned against her beds headboard and messaged back. Agreeing to meet up for drinks, Emma laid back in bed and decided to sleep another hour. Setting her alarm, she closed her eyes and easily fell back asleep.

chapter two