#but a sign that tries to be 'swag' means less

[kanvasal]

this would do absolutely nothing to discourage me from taking fentanyl (there are various other reasons why I will never)

The real solution are ads like those incredibly dark and disturbing anti-smoking ads. I don't think that I actually saw that many, but god damn do they stick

[namjoonchronicles]

impression | yg

↳ genre fluff, domestic, established relationship

↳ words 5.5k

↳ summary many forgot that when you marry someone, you marry their family too, at least that’s how Asian family is like

↳ warning that side of adulthood, lockdown because of pandemic, self-worth, over-sensitivity, pisces dude, married life conflicts

↳ song ariana grande ‘pov’ 

Just this morning you woke him up with ‘Daechwita’ blasting on his ear drums, dancing and prancing around the home gym in your spandex bra and sweatpants, rapping to every word he wrote, with more swag than ten Yoongis combined. Forehead glistened with sweat, rosy cheeks and more life in you than he ever had. He leaned by the door sill just watching in utter disbelief and renewed admiration to just how much you loved his music. It never gets old. But how the tables have turned, two minutes before midnight.

You’ve locked yourself in the bathroom, him leaning his back on the wall, speaking through the closed door, calling out for you.

“Talk to me. Please… Say something. Anything,” he puts his lips inches away from the door, covering his hand over his mouth to direct the sound towards you, hoping it would get through. Fat chance, but at least he tried.

Must be something in his drink last night for him to hear his own song even when he is sleeping, Yoongi thought. But he didn't drink last night? Yoongi pulled the duvet down his head, contorting his entire face and the blaring boom bass music, rippling through the miniature figure standees of famous baseball players he had lined up on the TV cabinet. The music was so loud, the pictures hung on the walls began rattling at each beat drop. Where is this music coming from??

Two seconds in, and the empty spot next to him spoke volumes. All answers were as clear as day.

Yoongi sat up on the bed, duvets pooled around his waist as he yawns loudly and his bed hair flopping on either side leans towards, some baby strands standing in all directions. He scratches his arms, neck and belly as he comes awake. Face puffy, eyes barely open, and cheeks as circle as they could be. He gathered the duvet to the side and pushed himself off to the edge of the bed while shoving his feet into his indoor slippers. He tried to fetch his phone from the bedside table and saw it vibrating on its own from the loud music.

"Better stop her before the neighbours come complaining…"

He waddles about the room lazily, dragging his feet, his arm reaching for the switch panel before he even arrives to have the curtain open and let the sun in. The automated curtain aligned and folded creases perfectly as it gathered itself to each designated side. The bed, the bed will be made up later after he advises his wife not to deafen the whole neighborhood with his albums and he could finally think.

The teal-colored walls that extended along the hallway of the house, decorated with wedding pictures, family pictures, his signed baseball jerseys, picture of his basketball days (the one he jumps for a slam dunk and especially proud of, you know the one), your graduation picture (with him professionally photoshopped in) and some lovely polaroids of your first unofficial date that he insists was official. More on that later. Yoongi walks pass this memory lane with a stern face, shooting glares ahead, marching in the direction of the music, which seems to be coming from the gym. What he saw was a petite figure, all hyped up, sweaty, holding up a water bottle to your lips like a microphone, mouthing his rap like it was your own. You saw him in the mirror reflection but instead of coiling away, shy, you spat his rap to his face with flaming confidence. Yoongi looks down with a shy smile, eyes turning small and polite, skin blushing pink with second hand embarrassment. His face is hot and your sweaty skin, hair plastered to your neck and forehead, in revealing spandex was not helping. Neither is your swag. He clamped his lips with his teeth while you pulled his arm so he would join you. He protested lazily but didn't resist as hard. He throws his head back, whining dejections but you couldn't care less.

"Are you making your own concert here? Plagiarising my songs?"

You heard him and grinned widely at the mirror. He folded his arms and watched you dance seductively and just as the rap got to the 'my tongue sends boys and girls to China' part, the music stops and he is no longer next to you but by the stereo and turning it off.

"Yoongi! I was working out!" "People are gonna come and complain…" "They know who you are…" "They know my name from you…"

Screaming underneath him, that's what he meant. You rolled your eyes at him. He passed you a face towel with a sheepish smile. Wiping your face with it, you watched Yoongi unplug your phone from the sockets. It reveals several missed calls from your mother in law, Yoongi's mom.

"Mom called…" "Really?"

You moved closer to him to see. Yoongi reads the message she sent you outloud and the colors drained down your face.

"What do I cook? What do I do? What does she usually have for lunch? OMG, I don’t know. Do we even have kimchis left? I hadn't restocked…" "She likes fried dumplings and soy garlic chicken stew… it'll be okay. She said she is coming around noon. It's just a little over 8 am… Go take a shower."

You scurried to the bathroom and did as told. Yoongi made the bed while he waited. He turns the cordless vacuum cleaner on but it beeped soullessly because it wasn't charged. He sighed. You always forget to charge them after using them. He opted for a broom and dustpan instead. Yoongi disappears into his home studio, to take the shampoo he had been using and after-shower lotion for you to use. He twisted the knob, knowing you wouldn't lock them when you shower. Knock on the glass door of the shower and told you to use them. You nodded, passing him a look over your shoulder but he was out as quickly as he entered. That cold, cold steely husband.

You stepped out of the shower wrapped in towels with your hair dripping wet, hurrying to the hairdryer to dry your hair. Yoongi walks in with nothing but a towel around his waist. He passes you a chaste kiss on the shoulder first, then your cheeks before he continues to unravel his briefs and showered as well. The water trickles down his face, neck and shoulders, cascading down his speckless back, over the bum of his ass and wetting his happy trails at the same time. He aggressively rubs water over his face, the tips of his hair appear darker as it gets wet. You dressed up in your oversized hoodie, a pair of jeans and red converse, hair tied up in a bun, grabbing your purse for a quick run to the store. If your mother in law is coming, the least you could do is cook an all korean cuisine, prep nicely on the table so she knows that her son was taken care of nicely. Giving her a lasting good impression was your core priority as of now. And Yoongi would have been more than happy to do the grocery for you but this time, just this once, you want to show him that you are dependable too.

If there is anything you learned from korean cuisine is that food is prepared meticulously like you would, a form of art. Everything is placed neatly on a plate, and wrapped tightly. Taste and looks must be perfect. Everything had a sequence. Tradition and culture shapes the good people of Korea to what it is today. And for Daegu native, Yoongi's deep accent and habits become one of the most significant traits that flags a Daegu representative. You are obsessed with getting it right. Although you mostly don't understand the heavy accents he tends to let slip out once in a while, you were expecting to guess the words as it comes. His accents are one of the things that you loved about him. Daegu dialects are strong, and oozing masculinity. They are often direct and unapologetic so it might be heard as harsh. You couldn't tell apart if he is cursing or if he is just plainly just talking about his day when his friends stop by. He caught you a few times, staring blankly at him when he blurted out dialects out of frustrations, and he laughed them off when you accuse him of lying to you about what the words actually mean.

With his mom stopping by, the dialects are going to be thick and you would probably stare blankly most of the time. Communications are limited and Yoongi had to come back and forth to translate some of them.

Korean cooking is not your forte. Let's put that out there, in the open for everyone to see and understand. You are not familiar with it, and although you love some of it, some just don't fit your taste buds. But Yoongi is a full blown Korean. You make adjustments here and there, but it's not like he is always around for you to cook them often. That's why your korean cooking skills deteriorated. Even simple things like choosing which mushrooms to cook with takes 10 minutes longer than it probably should. You went with your heart and took the one you saw first.

Yoongi came out from the baths to see an empty room. Your perfume wafts over his nostril and it tattles about your whereabouts. Just as he was about to investigate, his phone shrieked a calling tone. It was Jungkook. Asking for a chord. He sounds desperate and bored to death. Being a good friend, Yoongi speds to his home studio after clumsily putting on some white tee on top of a grey shorts, halfway through and sending him several chords the little guy could work with, then pulling the rest of the shirt down as it loads. He swore he didn't take long but he found you already changing your clothes and starting to chop things on the chopping board, sloppily. He knows that it was not you to do things sloppily so he offered to help sharpen the knives.

"Soy garlic stew?"

You chewed your lips at him as he asked and nodded. Anxiety was written all over you. Your hands were already so shaky, and that's why you couldn't hold the knife properly, aside from it being blunt. You turned to the sink and began chopping the scallions with another knife Yoongi handed you.

“There are some potatoes I bought in the paper bags, I brought the mushroom I am familiar with, I am not sure if it's the one used in the stew. What time is it already? Is this enough time to even cook the stew? The chicken hasn’t thaw has it? I am not going to have enough time… She is going to know that the dumpling is store bought and I am putting my pride on the line…” you spoke nonstop, didn’t even hear Yoongi if he was saying anything, which you assumed he was quiet, so you became annoyed and, “Why aren’t answering any questions I have??”

Yoongi stood there, with a blank expression, “You wouldn’t even let me talk…”

You answered your own questions, and he was here listening to everything, opening his mouth and closing it before any word could come out because you bulldozed him with words, as he dug out the potatoes you were talking about, as well as the mushrooms.

“I’m sorry, I watched the youtube video on making the stew on the way to the mart and it seems pretty complicated, but doable… I think that the ginger and garlic goes in first,” you paused and sighed, “It’s been awhile since I cooked a proper meal for myself. I don’t know if I had it in me to even do this anymore…”

That’s right. While Yoongi was always away from the last two years, his work trips extended from 3 months to a whole year, and while studying for your master’s degree, you opt for simpler food, just enough for you to get by the day with a filled stomach. Most of your time is dedicated to your studies and laundry. Stopping by Daegu was hardly done, and if anything, you would just send some gifts her way. It is pretty awkward between you and his mother; language barriers, interests, and principles. You didn’t notice when Yoongi was standing behind you, his hand was on top of yours, soothing over your knuckles and he hijacked the scissors from your hands gently.

And he whispered softly atop of your head, “I got this.”

Just like that, he took over kitchen duties and let you handle the simpler stuff like, putting the pot on the stove, fill water in it, skin the potatoes, chopped them into large cubes, unstub the capsicum, peel the skin off of the chicken, peel the garlic and ginger. Yoongi’s instructions are clear and easy to follow. After all the things are chopped and prepared, he hands the ladle to you.

Your eyes widen. And you shook your head. Stepping back. Yoongi clicked his tongue and chuckled through his nose. Coax you. But no, you stepped farther back. He then took your wrist gently and placed the ladle handle in your palm.

“Trust me?” “I trust you, it’s me I don’t trust.”

“I’ll help you every step. Let’s go. Have confidence!” “You’re the multi billionaire, I’m just the struggling degree student with a part time job.”

“You’re Min Yoongi’s wife.” “I find that hard to believe sometimes…”

With another scolding tut of his tongue, you conceded. With a heavy heart.

The chopped chicken pieces are placed in a boiling water pot, and when its reddish flesh turns white and is cooked, it is drained and washed underneath cold running water to remove impurities. You watched quietly as Yoongi cleans them with his capable hands. His veins protrude, extending well over his forearms. The tip of his fingers were pinker than the rest of his hands, and he smoothes over those nooks and crannies the chicken pieces have. As ridiculous as it may sound, you were quite envious of the fact that those chickens have his full attention now. Next, the carrots.

The carotene source is peeled and chopped in large size. Yoongi helped guide your hands over the handle of the knife, because he is pretty particular on how big he wanted those carrots to be.

“Isn’t that too large?” You asked him in a small voice. They are half the size of your thumb. “No, it’s just nice…” he replied in a low voice, his lips just behind your ear, “It has to be in the same size as the potatoes, so it will cook at the same time.”

Your bottom grazed over his front and he learns to just keep you sandwiched in between the counter and him, so it won’t turn to something else. He is just as anxious as you are with his mom coming. Therefore, the percentage of him turning frisky is zero to none. The onions come next. They are chopped in half and then into fours. Yoongi paused and braced himself for tear gas attacks only there was none. He asks where you bought those onions, and you replied, it was grown in your colleagues garden. They were given for free. And he comments,

“They should sell these, we will be their first loyal customer! It doesn’t sting!”

You laughed as you prepared the fruits you bought. It was rock melon and some papayas. You avoided buying tangerine because you know she will bring some from her hometown, knowing how much Yoongi loves them. Daegu’s tangerines are very sweet and plump. There is nothing like it. Yoongi sliced green onions for the stew and extra hot chili peppers because his mom likes them spicy. Then he prepares the mixture for the broth.

“Now watch,” he instructed you, “Soy sauce, rice wine, red chilli pepper powders, minced garlic, two cups of sugar, red pepper paste, sesame oil, pepper. Mix well.”

Yoongi prepared a pot and placed the cleaned chicken pieces in them, added potatoes, carrots and water with the mixture he made just prior. Then, boil. After the chicken is cooked thoroughly, he adds onions. Then the scallions. Then salt to taste. You prepared the oven and Yoongi carried the pot to it to keep it warm until his mom arrived. Dumplings were pan fried. That one was simple. His mom doesn’t like her beverages too sweet, a simple plain water is enough.

When all the food is done, you turn to him at the same time he did. Sweats rolling down his sideburns and his thin white shirt clinging on his skin like he ran a mile. You approached him with a huge smile, swept his hair back to reveal his forehead and dabbed your inner wrist to wipe away his sweat all around his face. He sniggers through his nose. Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, you can’t help but plant a kiss on them. Nuzzling your face on his neck, you draped your arm around his shoulder and mumbled, “Thank you…”

He leans his cheek on your head and kisses one side of your brain, before exclaiming that you both need another shower after cleaning up the kitchen and turning on the air humidifier to chase away the smell of cooking.

“How was the journey?” you chirped. “The weather is scorching hot, the sun is melting me away before I can meet my son,” Yoongi’s mom complained in a thick Daegu accent, and when she stepped in, she gave you a glance and straight away went looking for her precious son. As expected.

“He was just out of the shower, he will come soon, mother,” you said the last word awkwardly, it doesn’t really roll off your tongue as comfortably as it should. She replied to you with a dejected “Hmm.”

You blinked and cast your eyes downwards, then up again to change the topic, “...Let me take you some cold drink… it must have been a torture, to walk around in such hot weather,” you sped to the kitchen and grabbed her a cold water in a tall glass.

“Hello mom…” Yoongi revealed himself from the hallway, gave his mother a hug that you didn’t receive when she walked in. “It wasn’t torture when I’ve come to see my son!” She suddenly changed her words, now she is all bright and cheerful, and you disappeared from her sight completely unless Yoongi looks over to you and includes you in the conversation. That too, wasn’t permanent. Yoongi learned that his older brother’s wife is carrying a baby and Holly had been snuggling to her tummy at every chance she gets. The sight would have been adorable and they were able to take a picture of it so Yoongi’s mom excitedly showed them to Yoongi. They both are sitting on the sofa while you were in the kitchen scooping up cooked rice into bowls of three.

“This sofa is new isn’t it? I didn’t see it the last time I was here,” his mom asked. “Yes, yes… do you like it?” Yoongi said and said you chose them. Then her enthusiasm dissipates. “I like it better without one. Now it’s too westernized,” his mom’s lips turned lopsided, continuing, “Did you know that hanging your legs down will disrupt the blood flow up to your brain? We better sit down on the floor when we eat, too…”

Yoongi prepared a Japanese folded table and pushed aside the coffee table that was there. Everything you’ve prepared on the dining table was moved to the Japanese one. When everything is set, you and Yoongi wait for his mom to start eating before you both do. It’s tradition. Even between man and wife, the older one begins eating first. Yoongi sips the stew and then you begin scooping the stew into your bowl. You were the only one eating mostly with a spoon instead of chopstick since you aren’t too accustomed to it. Yoongi’s mother said in a joking tone that you should start using the training chopstick used by toddlers.

Why are you extra sensitive today? She was just joking, but smiling is so hard right now. Your cheeks feel heavy and your shoulders stiffened. Yoongi carried the rest of the conversation effortlessly. The deep Daegu accent is already shifting your attention towards the fried dumpling instead. It was just a little over 45 minutes since she arrived, why does it feel like days?

“Dumplings, mother?” You chirped, attempted to use the chopstick and successfully landed them in her bowl.

Then she puts them back where they were, and said, “I don’t eat store-bought dumpling, darling,” before resuming to tell Yoongi the story about her neighbour getting into a real estate feud. You hold your breath in your throat and try not to think about it too much. Although you’ve finished your bowl of rice, Yoongi still hasn’t. He was busy nodding away to what his mother was saying. She barely touched the stew. When she turned to her food, you tapped Yoongi’s knee underneath the table and he looked at you wide eyed, darting at the stew. And Yoongi’s lips turned to the shape of an “O”.

“How do you like the stew, mom?” He asked. “It’s okay…” “My wife made it…” Yoongi said with a smug smile.

You smiled, shyly.

“It tastes exactly how Yoongi would cook it. I thought you cooked it, I know how horrible her korean cooking is, Yoongi… You don’t have to lie to me,” his mom passed.

After bidding her farewell at the door, Yoongi accompanied her to his brother’s incoming vehicle that fetches her. His brother made a promise to stop by when the baby arrives and when the Covid cases reduce a bit. You watched from the window from your bedroom and when the car drove off with Yoongi waving goodbye to his mom, your heart thudded differently.

Your eyes stung, and tears impending to fall as it collected around the brims. As you heard the front door beeping open to Yoongi returning, your feet dashed to the bathroom door, pushing it open as your tears rolled down your face like a dam broke.

Sensitive? Too soft? Was I too emotional? Am I not trying hard enough to be enough?

Yoongi walks in, to an eerily silent house. Ridding his shirt by pulling it over his head as he walks down the dimly lit hallway. His heavy footsteps heard across the floorings and you covered your mouth with your hand to not make any sound. He noticed that the bathroom light was on unlike the rest of the room.

“You’re showering alone? Traitor…” he pouted and wriggled the door knob and noticed it was locked from the inside. “I have a stomach ache,” you hoped you sound convincing. Your voice didn’t sound as shaky and you hope he didn’t catch on. “Okay…” he said, after a long pause. You turned the shower on to reduce the sound of you crying, and went back to sitting on the floor by the door, dug the heels of your palm into your eyes socket, and hugged your knees, sniffling.

“Hey…” his voice muffled through the door. “Hmm?” you replied, through a broken smile.

“Are you okay?”

Another dam broke.

Shit, I’ve started crying again. Why can’t I stop crying?! He is going to find out now… Fuck.

“Talk to me. Please… Say something. Anything,” he puts his lips inches away from the door, covering his hand over his mouth to direct the sound towards you, hoping it would get through.

“Was it mom? She says something you don’t like? You know how mom is, right? She doesn’t mean any of it…” now it’s Yoongi’s turned to bulldoze you with questions he himself answered.

Unable to take it anymore, you had to speak out, even if it means behind closed doors.

“I know she doesn’t like me as a daughter-in-law…” you spoke in broken voices. “Nonsense…” Yoongi passed, nonchalantly.

“No, will you please just listen to me?!” you raised your voice a bit, “I am not like your brother’s wife who cooks great Korean food, who sends her nice homemade desserts to her likings, and now is bearing a grandchild for her. I can’t cook, and had to rely on you a lot. She came over and she didn’t give me a hug like she did you, and the whole she doesn’t even speak to me unless I speak to her first, and even then, she shuts me down so I couldn’t say another word. I can’t even use a damn chopstick or make homemade dumplings she’ll eat!”

It’s Yoongi’s turn to lean his back on the door and hug his knees, then hang his head low.

“Suddenly the sofa is too westernized. And the glass doors letting in too much sunlight when I renovated it the way she wanted. It seems like everything I do is wrong and I just have no place in the Min’s household no matter how hard I try,” you sniffed, and, “To make matters worse she brought up the girlfriends you had in high school and how they cook her favourite food! Girlfriends! Plural! Here I thought you only had one… Jokes on me, I guess… It’s fine, honestly.”

There's nothing more terrifying than the word ‘fine’ you threw when you’re sad and Yoongi knows it. It signifies so many things. It indicates that you’re done, and you’re ready to let go of it, by shoving it under the rug like many other things your mother in law did to you ever since you met her. Yoongi shot his head up when the door opened and his eyes followed you in silence, a little solemn. You dried your hair, sitting on the makeup chair table, running the cool air Dyson hairdryer over the lengths of your hair. Yoongi crawled on all four and knelt behind you to hug your waist, nuzzling his face on your lower back. Then the tears returned, and kept falling.

Your gaze is stuck on the reflection of you in the mirror. What have we become?

It was one of those moments where no words seemed to suffice. Regrets and guilt becomes almost the same thing. Pointing the blame is the last thing on your mind. Choosing sides is difficult when so much is at stake. You may have unclasped his arm from around your waist, heard his wordless gesture and refused to see his face, but so much of him is in you. The fact you held on for so long was because of that man you love and married. Is this going to happen everytime your mother in law stops by?

Even then, you didn't want him to go against his own mother, nor do you want him to side with her… It was such a confusing situation.

Yoongi needs to return to the studio. He packs a few toiletries and clothes for him to wear while he is there. You helped him pack leftover food so you are not burdened to finish everything alone. The conversation shifts to what matters now. You carry your duty as a wife, his partner. You make sure that he is able to provide for this family and even though your emotions are once again neglected for the time being, you were glad that it actually occupied your mind and heart.

At the door, his manager carried his things and instead of leaving along with his manager, Yoongi told him to go first. You already know what comes next. But you aren't sure if you had it in you. One look in your eyes and Yoongi knows that you will rather die than have that conversation all over again. He ran his finger through your hair, lowered his lips to your forehead and stayed like that for awhile, and you said,

“Take care of yourself,” you spoke to his chest, breathing in his musky cologne for the days ahead without him. He stepped back, thumbed your cheek and pinched your chin, tilting your head back. He glanced at your lips while biting his own then backed away, to leave. As the view of his back got smaller and smaller, he exclaimed, “I’m going.” Not once did he turn behind to have one last look. And it was something Yoongi would do. Doesn’t matter if it's at the airport, or at the backstage, he will never look at you after he leaves you, even when he knows you’re right there standing, and looking at him. He says that, if he saw you standing there waiting for him, he will not be able to fight the urge to run to you. So he never looks back. The one thing that he always does before a work trip, is to kiss your forehead. Dr. Laurel Steinberg says, a forehead kiss indicates strong emotional intimacy.

But Yoongi says that a forehead kiss to him signifies a bond that goes beyond lust and love, it was your soul. It is to say, “I might be too far away to hold you, but my soul is yours.” It sends butterflies and confettis your way when he does it. It always feels warm and you always feel protected with a stamp of Yoongi’s lips on your forehead. It feels like a talisman. That no matter what, Yoongi is here.

Recovery. The emotional turmoil, the rollercoaster. You fill your time organizing the photos Yoongi took. With your final exams finished a week ago, you’re given a month off before you begin your final year. Yoongi now lives in his studio office because the album recording session begins and he is in every process. He is in charge of doubling and finalizing the tracks, directing and whatnot. Yoongi sends you a 1 minute 23 seconds video. Scowling at it, your face softened at the sight of him, recording himself in the studio. Dark circles doubled in size and his cheeks sunken. Poor thing hadn't been eating well did he?

“Hey, sweetie…” his familiar guttural voice resonated with your heart strings, “Sorry I haven’t been able to properly give you a call. It’s too late when I’m free, and I’m asleep when you’re awake. So I figured I’ll just send you a damn video, to hell with it.” You chuckled softly as your visions turned blurry.

“I think I will be addressing the recent issue we tucked away for later day. It’s later. You have never been good at fighting for yourself. It was something I don’t really understand because I’ve seen you fight my fight for me,” he glanced to the side and smiled fondly. You were unclear what situation he was talking about but you kept listening.

“You told me that I shouldn’t side with you because that would mean I am against my mother. Here’s what I truly think…” he breathed in and sighed loudly, “I think I should side with you. I spoke to my mom a few days ago, asked her how she is, and I told her several things I don’t like, like bringing up my past ex girlfriend, or how you can’t use the chopstick yet, or how your korean cooking isn’t great yet… how upset it made you and me. She told me that she was just jealous. I left home when I was 16. Come back when I am 20, married at 25. I will always be her son, I let her know that. But I am now someone’s husband, and I happen to cherish this someone, her heart and her wellbeing is my responsibility. I am not stolen from my mom, I consciously chose this person to be with me, to be her husband and built a home with her. And if she can’t respect that, then she cannot return to our house…”

You had to set the phone down and wipe your tears with the back of your hand.

“I’m done being a referee,” Yoongi continued after a long pause, “You’re gonna cry again, and I won’t be able to pass you tissue or give you a hug, I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. I am proud of you and all the little things you do. Daegu dialect is difficult to understand ha? That’s alright. You’re getting your degree, and you help pack my things even though you’re sad as hell the day I left. I couldn’t… I couldn’t ask for a better wife, and I hardly think I deserve you. Until we meet again, soon. Your husband, Min Yoongi.”

The video cuts to him winking.

Another text from him,

[Yoongi, 1.03AM] Impression is never permanent. I hope you give mother another try…

Wife is typing...

[Wife, 1.04AM] Erm. [Wife, 1.04AM] Sends a pic.

[Wife, 1.05AM] How’s this for a lasting impression?

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copyright © 2020 namjoonchronicles do not repost, and thank you for reading

[cozyenigma]

Round Two

A continuation of this post!

Pairing- Illinois/Reader

Word Count- 2610

Request?- Yes!

Summary: No way out now. Illinois had a plan to get you your body back. Considering the current occupant was less than willing to negotiate, you could only hope Illinois makes it through in one piece.

Tag List- @cookielover0001010​ , @swag-droid​ , @watchoutforfrostbite​

Warnings- injury, violence, blood, character death

As far as plans went, it was pretty simple. With the current situation and your partner's stubbornness? You were feeling less than confident.

The half broken flashlight had been jammed between some fallen bricks so Illinois could see his work. Unable to help as you were, you were relegated to lookout. Standing at the corner of the passage, you glanced one way and then the other. No sign of the body snatcher. The place was still and silent apart from Illinois.

"Ah damn it."

Who really wasn't being all that quiet, considering.  You couldn't help but cringe as the sound echoed off the walls a bit.

"You okay?"

"Just fine," he didn't look your way as he worked, voice clipped.

You caught a glimpse of stark white bandages peeking out from under his shirt. It wasn't much, especially when he had to apply it himself, but it was better than nothing. Still, even though he wasn't as winded as before, his breaths seemed a touch too shallow.

Finally he stood with a sigh and dusted his hands off. "Think that's about as good as it's gonna get."

"Are you sure this will work?"

The trap Illinois had rigged might be enough for a regular person. The supernaturally strong body snatcher though? You weren't sure. Stretched across the passageway was a thin rope, only just barely visible in the dim flashlight beam and about the width of a shoelace. Illinois had had to improvise a bit. In actuality the rope was made from strips of leather that was once the strap on his bag. The rope you guys usually used for climbing would've been too noticeable. Plus he maintained you'd need it later.

"It'll work," he assured you. Grabbing the flashlight he moved back towards you. The oppressive darkness swooped back in and you could hardly see the rope at all.

Illinois looked into the distance, pensive. "Watching how they moved, I figured they knew at least where some of the traps were."

The flashlight beam swung back around, revealing the rope again and the section of floor just behind it. The dip wasn't immediately obvious but then again- you knew where to look.

"If they're moving fast enough," Illinois hedged, "they're not gonna be able to avoid this one."

Something echoed down the hall. It was too faint to identify but it wasn't from either of you. Your hands were shaking.

"Okay but- what about after that?" Illinois still had the creepy pendant in his pocket. He'd used another leftover strip of leather to fashion something for it to hang on. Better to try and slip it over the body snatcher's head than stick it in their hand or a pocket.

"If all goes to plan, I'll just give 'em a shiny new necklace and get out of the way." Illinois looked towards you, his expression hard set. "Then you'll be back."

"That's not what I'm worried about."

"Think about it this way," Illinois was rooting around in what remained of his bag, "you want whoever this is to get out of here? In your body?"

He was fumbling with a bottle of painkillers. They were what you might find in a basic first aid kit and you doubted they did much beyond taking the edge off. Illinois threw a few back.

"Who knows what they're gonna do," Illinois finished, chucking the bottle back in.

"Well maybe we can just- seal them in then!" You said in a rush. There was no easy way to even do that but it had to be better than this.

"There's the one entrance that we know about," Illinois, meanwhile, was frustratingly calm. "I'd need a good sized cave-in to do the job. Plus, there's no way of knowing if that'd even keep them in here for long."

"There's still time, Illinois."

He huffed. "And I'm gonna use it."

You don't get a chance to say much else. The sounds were drawing closer, louder. Your stomach twisted as you heard a shout that was somehow unmistakably your voice. It was wrong though. You never knew you could sound that angry. Illinois was already moving. He'd tossed his bag and the rest of his supplies aside, keeping only the pendant.

"Show time," he said grimly. Before you could even think to stop him, Illinois strode out in front of you.

Taking as deep of a breath as he could, he raised his hands and shouted, "Come on, is that the best you got?"

His words reverberated around you before fading into the distance, into the dark. For half a second only silence replaced it. Then a clambering, heavy footfalls. They didn't even sound like they were going that fast and but you still felt the need to run.

"Illinois-"

"I know," he doubled back, moving as quickly as he was able to.

Carefully stepping over the rope, he sidled along the wall, avoiding the large trapped section of the floor. Now all he could do was wait. There wasn't going to be any second chances. Illinois had used up all of his luck getting away the first time.

All too soon you could see a shape moving in the darkness. It was familiar. Your stomach bottomed out.

"They're coming," you said, taking a step back.

At first glance you wouldn't notice anything was wrong. But as they materialized out of the dark you felt nauseous just looking at them. A huge rust colored stain covered their stomach. Their expression was beyond annoyed, beyond angry. It was entirely foreign and you could only stare back at your own eyes, your own face as they simply stepped straight through you and around the corner.

Illinois held his arms out. "Well? What're you waiting for?"

The body snatcher seemed to hesitate. Their (your?) eyes narrowed and for a moment you thought they might know. Illinois took a step back. That self assured smile turned a touch more strained.

Too soon they were moving. Closing the distance with deceptive speed, your heart leapt up into your throat. Illinois tensed, braced himself with the pendant in hand.

Then, a twang as the body snatcher caught their foot on the rope. They shouted in surprise. Even though they managed to catch their balance, it was already too late. They'd stumbled a step too far.

There was a faint, tell-tale click. In the next instant they were falling back, a crossbow bolt buried squarely in their side.

You held your breath as they leaned against the wall. The pendant was swinging in Illinois's hand, catching the dim light. You couldn't help but wince as the body snatcher wrenched the arrow out in one rough tug.

"Illinois!" you warned as they stood. It wasn't working. They'd just been shot and it only slowed them down.

"Shit."

This was the worst case scenario. All you could do was watch as they tossed the arrow aside. Illinois glanced down at the pendant in his hand.

"Run!"

Your shout didn't do him any good. Illinois hadn't even managed to take a step before the body snatcher caught up. It was hardly a fair fight. Illinois was already injured and the impact of them tackling him to the floor was forceful enough to jar teeth. The flashlight skittered across the floor and for a few excruciating seconds the cavern was pitch black. It flickered back on, revealing Illinois struggling to get away.

Illinois grunted and tried to scramble out from under them. Even after being shot they were far stronger. He cried out as they pressed down on his chest.

"Illinois!"

He cursed and reached up, tried to put the pendant on them. The body snatcher simply batted his hands away. The world seemed to slow as they wrapped theirs around his neck. You went cold.

"No, no, no!"

The body snatcher didn't even seem to react to you. Not even when you tried to pull them off of Illinois. Your hands passed through their shoulders like they weren't even there.

This can't be happening.

You tried again. And again. Every time they just ignored you and kept squeezing. Their breathing was heavy. Maybe the crossbow had done more than you thought but it wasn't enough. Illinois wheezed. His hands were pawing at theirs, legs kicking in vain to try and get some traction.

He was dying. Illinois was dying because he tried to save you. This stubborn, wonderful bastard-

No. You grit your teeth. Not like this, not ever if you had a say in it.

As a last ditch effort you threw yourself at the body snatcher. This time though you felt the breath get knocked out of you as you actually made contact.

They crashed into the wall and fell in a heap. Then, thankfully, Illinois was gasping greedy, deep lungfuls of air. He rolled over and coughed, clutching at his throat. Your brief time being corporeal didn't last though. When you tried to grab him, help him stand, you came up with air instead.

There was scraping against stone. You turned to see the body snatcher had tried to stand, only managing to rise a few inches before falling again. The clothes you'd been wearing were well and truly ruined by now; a fresh new blood stain was rapidly growing at their side. You wondered if that last attack spent the last of their strength.

"Even-" Illinois coughed, his voice rough, "even good old fashioned blood loss works. Good to know."

He snatched up the pendant again and staggered to his feet.

"Thanks," Illinois said to you, "knew I could count on you."

Shaking your head, you kept your eyes on the body snatcher.

"Right."

It was downright unsettling to be looking at yourself during this. Or at the very least your body? At this point whatever injuries they already had, along with the wound in their side, were taking their toll. Illinois had no issue slipping the pendant over their head.

"If you're right about this-"

"I am."

"Then what now? I mean-"

The words were barely out of your mouth when you felt it. A sort of harsh tug, anchored in your gut. That same thump, thump, thump you only half remembered reached you. You skin crawled. The sensation was dizzying and it only seemed to increase and then-

Then...

You gasped awake, realizing now that you needed air. When did you get on the floor? Disoriented, you blinked as a hand swam into view. Illinois stood above you now, grinning softly.

"Welcome back, partner."

Getting you to your feet was a bit of a tall order for both of you. You grimaced at the feeling of dried blood against your skin, in your clothes.

The next instant there were arms around you. Illinois was holding you close like his life depended on it.

You buried your face in his shoulder, trying to steady your breathing. If it was any other day the two of you might snark at each other. Crack jokes to try and ease the tension. But instead you just held him back. The reality was that you'd died, twice really, and Illinois had almost joined you. It was far too close.

It was driven home by the fact that Illinois was half leaning on you for support at this point. Getting him to accept help was like pulling teeth sometimes. Pulling away, you looked down to see the pendant still hanging around your neck. You couldn't get it off fast enough.

"I think I know what you mean," you said out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"About the whole- watching me die thing? How it wasn't fair," you met his eyes, hands clenching and unclenching around the pendant.

Illinois squinted for a moment before his eyes widened. "Oh. Yeah that was- not great. Let's not make it a habit."

This time you did scoff. Instead of the light hearted bickering like usual, Illinois rears back a moment. His expression fell into a scowl and he held you a touch tighter.

"I'm serious. I-" after a moment he let out a sharp breath, winced slightly, "you've got no idea how afraid I was that I was gonna lose you, darlin'."

"Illinois-" you cut off, tried to reign yourself in, "I just watched you get strangled half to death. I know."

You looked at him then, battered and bruised, and you knew he'd had worse. Even though you can't think of an example you just knew. The thought made you want to scream.

"I've watched you almost get impaled more times than I can count. Seen you dip through traps like it's as easy as breathing."

"Now that's hardly-"

"What about that time in Nepal, huh? When you told me oh yeah I can make that jump? Because I do and you didn't."

"I was fine," Illinois sounded so affronted you almost laughed.

"You broke your leg, that's not fine. You think I wasn't ever afraid you weren't coming back? Do you think I-"

You huffed, frustrated, and Illinois for once is silent. Then, softer, you added, "You're the luckiest person I've ever met but if you think my heart isn't in my throat every time- if you didn't come back I-"

Finally you burn out, stuttering to a stop. You swallowed back the rest of the words and feelings with them.

The hand at the nape of your neck made you flinch. Illinois paused for a moment, searching your face, before his fingers smoothed out and just barely brushed into your hair. It was gentle, tentative almost.

Illinois's jaw worked for a moment. Finally he sighed and gave you a tired, crooked smile. "Guess you owed me one, huh?"

You laughed despite your nerves, despite your exhaustion. Rubbing at your eyes you said, "Guess I did."

A beat passed. The hand stayed, his thumb idly running across your skin. Your stomach flipped as he pulled just a little closer.

If you imagined what a first kiss with Illinois might be like (which you may or may not have) you pictured something desperate. Him yanking you out of the way of a trap and just not letting go. It'd be an impulsive thing. Fast as lightning and full of adrenaline.

This wasn't like that.

The lead up was longer than the kiss. Illinois took half a step, closed the distance and kissed you. It was soft, over in a second but felt like an hour, and you went just a little weak in the knees.

When he drew back, Illinois let his forehead rest against yours. For a long while you just breathed. Your mind spun, trying to pick out the words to say.

"Let's get you outta here, huh?" Illinois said, voice low.

"And you to a hospital?" You very much ignored how you sounded right now.

He heaved a sigh, pulling back. "If you insist."

In the silence that followed, you looped an arm around his back, supporting some of his weight as you trudged your way to the exit. Illinois had one arm over your shoulders, the other pressed to his ribs. It was slow going. While you didn't keep any of your injuries, you were exhausted. Illinois seemed ready to collapse. You both probably needed a hospital. Steadily though, the air turned less stale. The temperature started to rise a bit. You were gonna need a break from subterranean ruins and caves.

You caught Illinois's eye as he glanced your way.

"Suppose it also wouldn't be fair to ask you to be careful?" Illinois asked.

"Not if you promise to be careful yourself."

Illinois hummed, adjusted his hat and nodded. "I'll try."

And that was enough for you.

[mustardprecum]

Hi! If you’re taking harringrove prompts: fake dating. One of my fav tropes lol

This is a minor au where Billy and Max showed up from Cali, but there were no monsters and no confrontation at the Byers house. 

Billy had been completely silent since Steve started talking, his eyes were half lidded and sleepy looking, which Steve didn’t know how to read, so basically he just kept talking and talking in the hopes that there would be some positive sign.

“－so yeah, I have no fuckin’ clue why my mom thinks I’m gay, but she’s really excited. And it’s weird, and it’s worse because my dad is really excited? Which is weirder? I don’t know what’s happening. But I got a D on my last math test, and I panicked, and I don’t know why announcing that I had a boyfriend made it suddenly okay, but it did, and now my parents want to meet my boyfriend, but I don’t have a boyfriend. And now it’s going to be Friday, tonight you know? And I’m not going to have a boyfriend to bring to dinner, and they’re going to get mad at me and, and, and,” Steve choked on his own spit and started coughing.

Billy was in much the same position he’d been in when Steve approached him in the school parking lot. Leaning against his car, unlit cigarette lazily hanging between his lips.

The silence was deafening; Steve was deafened. Then, Billy smiled, it was way worse than the blank stare. How could someone look so incredibly, gleefully, mean with such a pretty smile?

“So you want me to be your boyfriend.”

“Yes!” Steve paused. “I mean, for tonight. For pretend.”

“Uh huh,” Billy finally lit his cigarette and saunted toward Steve. “What’s in it for me?”

“I mean, the fact that I have money is one of my few redeeming qualities,” Steve said. Dustin had said it once as a joke, it had hurt, but he thought Billy might appreciate the joke.

Billy snickered; Steve was a genius.

“So money, $200,” Billy ticked off his fingers ignoring Steve’s splutter. “What else?”

“What else, what the fuck, $200 isn’t enough?” Steve raked his hands through his hair. “What else could you want?”

“You drive my shitty stepsister to and from school.”

“Fine.” Steve didn’t point out the fact that after joining the gaggle of middle schoolers who followed him around, Max ended up getting rides from him most of the time anyway.

“If I ever use you for an excuse, you go with it no matter what.”

Steve raised his eyebrows, brain concocting several worst case scenarios that could happen. Begrudgingly, he nodded.

“Great,” Billy did that thing with his tongue that Steve didn’t know how to react to. He held his ground as Billy stepped up to him and offered his free hand. “You got a boyfriend.”

“Oh thank god,” Steve shook Billy’s hand. “Thanks man, you’re saving me.”

Billy hummed and dropped his cigarette. Then he yanked Steve closer and purred, “so what should we practice?”

“Practice?” Steve squeaked.

“Every movie I ever seen says they’re going to make us kiss at some point,” Billy’s eyes practically glittered.

“I’m pretty sure my parents aren’t that weird.” Steve tried to pull his hand back but Billy held fast. “Oh god, you’re going to be really weird about this, aren’t you.”

Billy threw his head back and laughed. Steve edged back a couple steps until Billy stopped and looked at him mirthfully. “Yes. I’ll be at your place in an hour.”

An hour later, Steve was listening to his parents in the kitchen. He was completely baffled by them. The moment Steve was assumed ‘gay’ all the fighting suddenly stopped. Suddenly his dad wanted to help in the kitchen. Suddenly his mom was following the directions on her pill bottles. SUDDENLY STEVE WAS ALLOWED TO GET A D ON A TEST.

He was reeling, with his face pressed to the window, listening for Billy’s loud ass car. Asking Billy had been a mistake, Steve knew that now. All he’d been thinking was that he was desperate and Billy was from California, and people were supposed to be cooler in California or something, right? Hence why Steve’s grandpa refused to vacation in San Francisco.

Steve yelped when he heard Billy’s camaro, and he heard his mom comment that he sounded ‘excited’.

Stupid Billy had taken off so fast, Steve hadn’t gotten to coach him on what to say, how to act, or how to dress. He hurried out the door as Billy got out of his car. He looked...nice, actually, in his red shirt that was buttoned up like a human, and jeans that were fitted but not nearly as tight as Steve knew Billy’s jeans could get.

Billy swagged up to him with a lazy smile. “Hey Princess.”

“Don’t call me that,” Steve wrinkled his nose. He never thought he’d miss the derisive ‘King Steve’.

“Boyfriends have pet names,” Billy leaned in and Steve let him out of sheer curiously until Billy kissed his cheek.

Steve’s cheek burned where Billy’s lips touched but he managed to keep his composure. “Boyfriends don’t use pet names that the other boyfriend hates,” he said in a bratty voice. Christ, Billy smelled nice, why did he always reek of cigarettes and hairspray if he could smell like this?

“This one does,” Billy brushed past Steve and smacked his butt. “Introduce me to your parents,” he said over Steve’s squawk.

Billy was going to ruin everything.

Billy was incredible with parents. It was unnerving, bringing him inside and introducing him, only for Billy to dial up the charm to 11. Pretty smiles, respectful behavior, appropriately bashful as he took Steve’s hand.

Before that night, Steve would have never expected his dad to get along with someone like Billy. But there they were, sitting at the patio table, chatting about baseball while Steve’s mom asked for his help bringing in the food.

“He’s gorgeous,” she whispered happily, pinching Steve’s cheek. “I always knew you inherited my taste.”

There was a joke about her taste in marrying his dad on the tip of Steve’s tongue. Instead he smiled and settled on, “I never thought I’d bring him over.”

“I’m glad it’s all out in the open,” she sighed dreamily. “Your father and I love you. You know that?”

“I love you too, mom,” Steve followed her back outside with a big summer salad. It was a nice day out.

Billy had come up with a story all his own about how they started dating. It was better than Steve’s so he went along with it. He kept his leg pressed against Steve’s while he spun lies around Steve’s parents.

“Do you parents know?” his dad asked.

“No,” Billy’s voice dropped. Steve looked at him, his face was solemn. “And they can’t. My father is...not open minded that way.”

Steve’s parents made the appropriate sympathetic noises, and Steve rested his hand over Billy’s. He’d heard some horror stories about Neil being an asshole from Max, it wasn’t until just then that he considered how Neil might have reacted to Billy being with a boy.

Billy took Steve’s hand and swiped his thumb over Steve’s knuckles. When he smiled, it was soft and sweet like cotton candy. “I was really happy when Steve said how supportive you both were.”

If there was any doubt before that, it was completely gone. Even his dad looked teary eyed.

At the end of the night, after so much fawning that it made Steve sick, he walked Billy back out to his car. “So,” he drawled proudly, “you were wrong.”

Billy raised an eyebrow.

“My parents aren’t creeps who made us kiss in front of them,” Steve clarified. Billy kept his eyebrow raised, which was annoying because it made Steve less victorious. “Anyway, so, see you at school?”

“Yep.” Billy pushed Steve up against his car and crowded against him. His eyes shifted all over Steve’s face, and his hand moved slowly as he grabbed Steve’s chin.

Were his parents watching and Steve hadn’t noticed? Was Billy just messing with him? Steve was very unprepared for Billy’s behavior the whole night. Most of their interaction was Billy heckling him at basketball practice and at parties.

Steve stayed relaxed, expecting a short little peck.

Billy kissed the way Steve expected, forcing Steve’s mouth open and practically kissing the life out of him. Steve was overwhelmed, he’d never had so much tongue and teeth in a first kiss but by the time Billy pulled away Steve was panting, blushing, his knees were shaking, and he felt like a swooning heroine.

“Christ,” he whispered as Billy pushed him harder against the camaro. They kissed again, this time with more participation from Steve.

He’d been single for a long time, hadn’t realized quite how much he missed making out with someone. Billy was really fucking good at it. His body felt so different from Nancy, so much broader than Steve’s, hard and so stronger that the camaro actually rocked when Billy ground against him.

“Stop fucking with my hair,” Billy muttered against his mouth. Steve may have had both hands tangled in the blond curls. He tugged for good measure and Billy bit his cheek.

Then Billy stepped back so suddenly that Steve almost dropped. He pushed his hair back, casual as though he wasn’t very visibly hard. Steve had his eyes on it as he adjusted himself.

That was confusing; Steve was confused.

“See you Monday, Princess,” Billy reached around Steve to open the drivers side door.

Pushing away any thoughts that were hard to process was something Steve could do. “Have a good weekend, uh, pookie?” He winced at Billy’s dumbfounded look.

Then Billy laughed, “abso-fuckin-lutely not.”

“Whatever.”

Billy left and Steve went back inside, unsure he actually had a boyfriend or not.

[rkjeongin-blog]

⭐️triple threat challenge attempt  performing very very very by i.o.i ( 00:00-00:36 // 01:33-02:56 ) april 21st, 2019

the irony of his preparation for the triple threat challenge is that he greatly neglect his school work despite attending an artistic one. he should be just as determined with sopa as he is to blow trc’s mind on the 21st, but the motivation just isn’t the same. he has the opportunity to be signed into k.arma’s company and that’s enough incentive to practice relentlessly until the last minute.

but his mother almost ruins the entire plan by insisting she drops him off to school for his “club activities” which he is indeed supposed to attend but has skipped the past two weeks without telling her. it’s for a good cause after all: if he becomes a trainee she won’t be able to say he’s wasting his time by nurturing his artistic talents. granted, he does waste his time in general but she doesn’t have to know that... she doesn’t get how it is to be a teenager and not wanting to have his nose buried in books all the time. if it were up to her he would be studying from the moment he wakes up right until he goes to sleep... instead he’s never studying at all.

he had a cool outfit prepared but can’t even bring it with him in case it triggers her son’s bullshit detector and she starts asking a million questions he won’t be able to answer to. jeongin can be a good liar if he puts himself to the task but can’t keep it up for very long when under suspicion. that’s how he ends up at the school’s front gate, in his uniform and in panic mode as he fears he won’t be able to make it to the event in time. thankfully his parents give him a pretty generous allowance that he ungratefully spends on things that would make them furious, like right now as he hops into a cab to yongsan district.

he makes in time to sign up, unable to stand still in the line. he looks around and sees talented-looking people, most of them much older than he is. it might mean they’re more experienced, more skilled too, but jeongin is full of determination and spirit. he’s doing it for his girls, for k.arma. will they watch this somehow?

it’s hard to tell how much time passes before his turn arrives. he’s visibly nervous but he doesn’t let it affect his contagious smile when he steps in the center of the stage and greets the crowd. “hello, i’m yang jeongin!” his smile does not falter and shows off his braces. he doesn’t even dare look into the judges eyes because if they’re not smiling back he might just get weak in the knees and run off. it’ll be easier once he gets into the mood of the song.

he chose it for one reason only: he absolutely loves it. it’s cute, upbeat, and has enough vocal, rap and dance components to fill in the requirements. it’s hard to know how people will react to a boy tackling a girl group song, as it’s often done in a comedic manner and if they do it seriously, it’ll also often involve changes to the melody or choreography to make it more ‘masculine’. but jeongin hasn’t made any changes at all. he likes it as it is and, quite frankly, thinks he’s killing it.

he had to cut some parts of the song but believes he did a good job overall keeping most of the good parts. it’s a bummer he has to include the rap, really. he doesn’t think he’d be worth anything as a rapper but listening to some of the others, he might just not be the worst after all. he’s listened to this song so much that it was easy to master it, plus it’s not extremely hard compared to verses he’s heard so far. he’s not foolish enough to choose something that’s above his capacities.

everyone recognizes the famous intro to very very very and jeongin is certain that in just a few seconds a lot of the audience will be singing along with him. he puts on his brightest smileas the chorus hits right after.

날 너무너무너무 너무너무너무 너무너무너무 너무너무너무 너무너무너무 너무 좋아하면 그때 말해줘 내가 자꾸자꾸자꾸 자꾸자꾸자꾸 자꾸자꾸자꾸 자꾸자꾸자꾸 자꾸자꾸자꾸 자꾸 떠오르면 그때 불러줘

his cuteness overflows the stage as he hits the same movements he’s practiced in front of his computer screen so many times before. it’s a strange feeling to be performing out in the open like this. they’re not his schoolmates, or his family. they’re pure strangers who will help decide his fate, which makes the boy want to look at each and every one of them to capture their heart. instead he sets his sights on the ceo of triple crown. he might he known to keep his expression undecipherable to stay as neutral as possible, jeongin can’t conceive that he won’t even get a ghost of a smile. he’ll try his hardest, that’s for sure.

Stop 넌 뒤집은 베개처럼 신선한 느낌 하지만 꼭 참아야 해 이제부터 긴 확인의 시간을 반드시 거쳐야 해 뱀인지 아담인지 정체 드러나게 남자라 쓰고 늑대라 읽으랬어 도대체 남자들 그동안 여자에게 왜 그랬어 너무나 많은 여자들 마음을 울린 죄 때문에 그러니 내게 좀 더 널 보여줄래?

he tries his best to dis play the ‘swag’ that rappers have, as they call it, but doesn’t overdue it because it would look out of place in this song anyway. it’s not hip hop, not even close but it’s fun to try and act just a little cooler than he usually does.

이런 날 이해해주길 속상하고 답답해도 조금만 더 기다려주길 내 마음이 열리고 나면 아껴왔던 내 마음을 아낌없이 너에게 줄게

he holds his ground until the bridge, where he dances less intensely to be able to belt out the higher notes. his stamina isn’t all that just yet but at least he’s been trying to do all three at once. it would be no use doing the dance on its own: he hopes his vocal skills will distract them from his flaws in other areas. bringing attention to one at a time would only bring attention to details he’d rather keep under wraps. he’s not an ace like some of the others, sadly.

to end the song he does the first half of the chorus one last time, but instead of just closing his fists to do the movement he makes finger hearts instead, and ends the song like that while looking at the judges.

[scarfninjawrites]

NaNoWriMo Days 1-12

Yes, I am aware that I'm the worst blogger ever, but wow I didn't even realize that this was a longer stretch of time without updating than I realized. I would consider myself a try-hard when it comes to NaNoWriMo. Despite the fact that this is one of the busiest months of the year, I've always tried to write as much as possible each day so I can knock out 50k pretty quickly. 

To which I mean, knocking it out before week one is even over. 

 I think some context is required. 

The first year I did NaNoWriMo, it was 2013. I was a huge fan of the Lunar Chronicles series by Marissa Meyer. I remember when I finished reading Scarlet, I immediately needed to read the sequel, which honestly hadn’t been a feeling I had when reading too often. That ending killed me and I would have loved to score an ARC copy of Cress.

I heard of NaNo about 2 years back and always considered doing it, but I was pretty busy in high school so it never looked like it would be possible. By that point, I didn’t really have any ideas for a novel either, so I just stuck to brainstorming them. By my first year of college, I had plenty of ideas I wanted to write, so it was just a matter of motivating myself to do it.

Lo and behold, Marissa announced a contest for NaNoWriMo - whoever on her friends list wrote the most amount of words throughout the entire month would win an ARC copy of Cress. Also, anyone who wrote more than her in general would win some sweet swag. This was all the motivation that I needed in order to sign up.

I remember being surprised that first day at how much I wrote, and how much I continued to write throughout the month in order to win that ARC. Sadly, I did not, but I still beat her word count by... a lot. What motivated me was going to her friends list and looking at their word counts to see how I ranked. For the most part, I managed to stay in the top 5 or 6. This was one of the few times I’ve ever seriously gotten competitive over something.

She didn’t run the event again from what I can remember, but after my first year, I pushed myself again the next NaNo to write a whole lot. By which I mean, average 10k a day. 

Yeah. You heard that right. 

I had very little going on in my first two years of college, so I spent my free time in November writing at every opportunity, and sprinting until my fingers fell off. Even in my junior year, I anticipated going in and coming out with the same output when I managed on the first day to write the most I’ve ever written in a single day - 20,005 words. Before you ask how, I think I’ll save that story for another day.

But from junior year onwards, I started to feel like writing 10k a day every day for the month just... wasn’t possible anymore. For one, I became much busier and had other things to do (classwork, school activities, my job, etc) and two... writing actually became less fun when I worried more about the output. Even with a detailed outline, I would skip over a lot of fun bits in scenes because I wouldn’t take the time to consider what I needed or wanted in the chapter. Sprints at this point have been ruined for me, albeit temporarily. I would still personally recommend them because I know I get a decent amount of mileage from them, but they make me seriously self-conscious as to the quality of the work, even when it’s a first draft.

Now, I still personally prefer to get that 50k requirement out of the way as soon as possible (which, yes, I have done at this point), just because I don’t like that hanging over my head. It makes me worry over hitting a goal rather than sitting down to enjoy writing the book. When I’m working with a smaller goal and just focusing on fleshing out a scene or chapter, it’s infinitely much more satisfying.

As for the content of the novel itself, I think I’ll talk about that later. There were some interesting developments (like having a much “dreamier” atmosphere) that I didn’t expect this time around that I really like and I think justifies the mass amount of dreampop and shoegaze I’ve been listening to. I have a new favorite song that I can’t wait to talk about (if I haven’t already, but I don’t think I have), and it’s become the basis for one of my favorite scenes in the second half. It’s so iconic and visual, I love it! And of course, it’s in Maria’s POV so that makes it the best. 

So tomorrow I think I’ll get into more detail about that, but also the order in which I’m writing the novel - or lack thereof. Which is also not what I expected, but worth discussing. 

[lizardscuddling]

Priest Live in Copenhagen

Saturday night I had the pleasure of seeing Priest live in Copenhagen! Here’s how it all went down~

It was my first night in Copenhagen and my boyfriend and I decided that the best way to get around was by purchasing the city transit app. Little did we know, the app sucks and sometimes doesn’t work at all. That being the case, we had to walk about 1km from our flat to the show. It wasn’t that bad, but it did mean that I got to experience the concert in 17 layers of aesthetic winter clothes.

So we get to the show and it’s about half way through the second opener Crackdown, which on their own was pretty good. Mauro and his wife were manning the merch table, which had signed Priest posters, signed vinyls, some of the basic Priest logo shirts, a snap back and a Priest logo pin. I think it also had some Airghoul merch too. For some reason I was hella nervous talking to Mauro even though I know he’s super chill, so I had a couple drinks and ventured over to the merch table to grab some swag. They were both nice and seemed stoked for the show.  As I was watching the opener near the back I saw Linton run over to Mauro for a sec to check out the scene. Guys, I know his hair is controversial, but his new cut is hella dank. 

So the crowd cleared after the opener and I managed to get front row. I think I was actually standing next to that Joppe777 guy from Reddit which was... kinda funny. 

The show was SO GOOD. It started with the birds playing Tria Prima, and Mercury coming out to kick off The Pit. He sang “come closer to me” at some girl in the audience which was super cute. 

At some point in the beginning Sulfur’s computer got some issues. Salt pointed at him like “lol his fault not mine” and Sulfur was obviously pissed at the situation; he pointed at his computer to indicate that he couldn’t help it. At about the half way mark Mercury noted that, since Priest was supposed to control all of cyber space, it was a little weird for them to experience computer problems. Nevertheless, we were experiencing the group’s first glitch. If they were a rock band, Mercury explained, this wouldn’t happen, because instruments are less technical than computers (idk lol). I thought his quips were really endearing and, as annoying as the situation probably was, it gave some good characterization of the people in the band. He had us clap for the dude who was crawling under Sulfur’s gear to help fix the problem, which was dope. TBH I couldn’t even tell anything was wrong.

Anyway, holy shit, Mercury’s dance moves were awesome. You could tell they really worked on their choreography. He interacted with the audience a shitload, and had some really dramatic moments, especially in Revolver. And wow, he can really, really sing. Vaudeville made me nervous but he hit all the notes perfectly. In some parts of some songs he even growled I think?? which was cool and made the songs even more interesting. Like holy shit I didn’t know it was possible to love him more but it happened. 

At the end of the show Salt shook peoples’ hands before leaving the stage, he was a real sweetheart. 

The birds in general were really fun to watch, it seemed like they were both hella into the music and really enjoyed playing. Sulfur seemed obviously irritated at the issues they were having and tried to focus their farewell bowing on Salt and Mercury, but Salt beckoned him over to join them. It was super cute; like homie we get it sometimes issues happen, nbd.

Omg and their encore, a cover of Street Spirit by Radiohead, was so haunting and awesome.

The only issue I had with the show was that it was too short! They didn’t play Virus or Nightmare Hotel; I really hope they can find a way to incorporate them into their set in the future. 

Call me biased, but the atmosphere of the club and quality of the music made the show one of my favorites. I’m a little bummed that I didn’t get to meet them due to transit problems (apparently they were chillin’ in the bar talking to fans before the 2nd opener) but it’s whatever; I’ll just have to wait for them to come to the US. Priest has a LOT of character, talent, and potential. I can’t wait to see where they go from here. 

(soorry for the quality of pics I was very Not Sober)

Keep it up @priestutopia y’all are lit. <3

[pro-hearts-pro-minds]

PHOTO: COURTESY OF KELSEY MILLER. There’s an old diet trick — you might have seen it in films — where you cover the refrigerator in sticky notes, reminding you that “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels!” and “A moment on the lips, forever on the hips!” or simply, “Do NOT open this!” Sometimes you might amplify these helpful hints with photos of either very fat people or very thin people, depending on which makes you feel worse about yourself. Basically, you taught your fridge to fat-shame you. I tried it, obviously. And it was super effective at making me feel like a piece of shit every time I opened the fridge. But I still opened the fridge. Anyway, it didn’t make much difference because the sticky notes never lasted long. The only thing worse than being shamed by an appliance is being humiliated when your visiting friend goes to grab a soda, only to encounter an all-caps reminder that, “NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU!” It’s been years now since I tried any diet trick, having given up dieting and learning intuitive eating. It took a lot of practise and professional help to undo the damage I’d done to my body and brain with things like fridge-shaming. In fact, it still takes practise, and the old struggles sometimes resurface, but for the most part, I eat normally. I can hardly believe it, but it’s true. I can look at all the foods in my fridge as neutral and allowed. But when it comes to my freezer, that’s a different story. Ice cream, damn it. Every dieter has an internalized bad-food list, and ice cream is usually on it. For me, it was right at the top — the most forbidden fruit. Growing up, I’d sneak scoops out of my mom’s Häagen-Daz in the middle of the night. I’d check the freezer for it during babysitting gigs, trying (and failing) to shave off only discreet little bites. Truly, it would take days to fully explain just how large a role ice cream played in my emotional development. There is an entire chapter in my memoir devoted to it, and I actually had the gall to title it: “Ice Cream, Revisited.” By the time the book came out in January, I thought I was over it. I had to be! When something’s in a memoir, that means it’s a memory, all processed and packed away. But sometime in March, when the weather turned just a little bit warmer, I started noticing myself noticing ice cream, everywhere. I noticed it at the supermarket, the tubs by the check-out at my corner deli, and the artisanal scoop shop standing exactly eleven feet from my subway stop. So, I’d buy myself a cone for the walk home — no big deal. Giving yourself permission to eat is a cornerstone of intuitive eating, the point being that restriction only creates more anxiety around food. In the early stages, each time I found myself stressing over mashed potatoes, eating quickly and far past the point of fullness, I knew to pause and recognise what was going on: I was hoarding mashed potatoes like my old diet self, who saw all starch as the enemy. Sometimes it was as simple as reminding myself, “You have full permission to eat mashed potatoes” and sometimes it took more effort. But eventually, my brain got the message and I chilled out with potatoes. With ice cream, evidently, my brain had zero chill. The warmer it got, the fuller my freezer. By July, I’d find myself impulse buying tubs once or twice a week. On the one hand, it made sense. It was summer, when you’re supposed to eat ice cream. But the funny thing was, I wasn’t eating it nearly as much as I was buying it. (My boyfriend noticed this too, constantly reorganising the freezer around my growing collection of mostly full pots). I had some after dinner a few nights a week or sometimes in the afternoon when that sweet-snack craving hit. Still, I had an ice-cream problem. I wasn’t bingeing but my brain was: constantly weighing the pros and cons of having a bowl, envisioning cartoonish fat grams clogging up my arteries, and panicking over the choice between Cookies & Cream and Peanut-Butter Chip or, fuck it, should I just buy both? One late-summer morning, I was sitting at my desk at home, working on my laptop, when my brain piped up: “Should I eat ice cream after lunch? I don’t like the flavours we have. Ooh, does any place around here deliver ice cream?” I’d had it. I tried the old trick of talking back to my brain: “You know you have full permission to eat ice cream, right? Right?�� Nothing. It couldn’t hear me over all that chatter. That’s when I remembered the sticky notes. I opened my desk drawer, and pulled out an old stack of Post-Its. I chose a brightly colored pen and wrote: You have full permission to eat ice cream! I went to the freezer and counted six pints. So, I wrote out five more Post-It notes: Anytime you want! Whenever! This is totally allowed. =) No Big Deal Now, later, today, tomorrow, never — whenever!

I placed one on the lid of each pint. Then, I stared down into the freezer for 10 full seconds. Next, I whipped out my phone, opening Word Swag, an app that lets you make your own version of those inspirational text-on-image photos (I guess so you can post an Instagram photo of yourself on holiday with the phrase, “not all who wander are lost” across your face). Instead, I found a picture of an ice cream cone and reiterated one of my own inspirational messages: Anytime you want. I set it as my phone background. If my brain couldn’t hear me, maybe it could see. I’d taken the old diet trick and flipped it inside out: not a glaring keep-out sign, but an open, casual invitation. A little cheesy and self-helpy? Maybe, but oh who the hell cared? I had spent my whole life overthinking ice cream, trying to puzzle it out like the riddle of the sphinx, rather than just eating it or not eating it — you know, like food. I was not going to waste one more second of my life worrying over this nonsense when there are infinitely more important things to worry about. Not to mention the fact that there was so much in my life to not worry about, but things to celebrate, things to enjoy, things to relish and be grateful for. What might my life look like if I could use all this energy to focus on those things instead of dessert? This was an all-out permission assault. That first day, the change was minimal. I had some ice cream after dinner, and while it wasn’t an anxiety free experience, I did notice the knot in my chest soften just a bit when I saw those cheery Post-Its looking up at me when I took the pint out, and again when I put it back. (My boyfriend noticed the change too, asking what was up with all the signage in our freezer. “IT HELPS ME,” I kindly explained.) And, in the days and weeks that followed, it did. Each time I opened the freezer, I got a little more permission. I didn’t have to wait for an ice-cream urge to hit. I saw it every time I looked at my phone; my brain was barraged with both images of ice cream and the full, unwavering promise that it wasn’t going anywhere and I was 100% allowed to have it. My ice-cream shopping habit slowed down. The pint collection dwindled from six to two or three. I noticed myself not noticing the proximity of the artisanal scoop shop every time I went to the subway. I still ate ice cream, maybe a little less. I’m not sure how much really, because here’s the real miracle: I was thinking about it a lot less. It worked. No surprise twists here. The permission assault just worked. For the first time in my life, the decision to eat ice cream is simple: Do I want it? Will it satisfy me? Okay, let’s have some. It’s gone from advanced calculus to advanced common sense. Sometimes I do want it and it will satisfy me, but my brain jumps in with a reminder: Oh but I’m going to that restaurant that serves my favorite sundae later. So, maybe I’ll hold off so I can really enjoy that one. And then it shuts the hell up. No counter-arguments, no doomsday visions of chocolate-covered fat grams. It’s just not that important. That’s the ultimate message here. It might not sound as peppy as, “Anytime you want!” But that’s what my brain really needed to hear: Ice cream is just not that important. Now that the months have turned cooler, I’ve lost further interest in ice cream. To be clear, I don’t mean to say that I never eat it and never will again, and surprise, Post-Its are the world’s most effective dieting tool. Post-Its didn’t take away my taste for ice cream, but they helped take away my ice-cream obsession. I’m not eating it very much now, not because I’ve conquered it with an iron will to abstain — but because it’s cold out. I don’t feel like it. This is normal. I’m becoming more normal. And this shiny new mundanity is one of the things I am so damn grateful for. 

[rofics]

Hidden omega (part 59)

Fandom: Bts (Got7 + Big Bang + B.A.P + Monsta X + Seventeen + Block B+Vixx+TVXQ+Exo) Who doesn’t love a good ensemble Pairing:  Namjoon x Everybody Genre: Smut/Fluff/Angst Au: Canon / Omegaverse au Length: 4k

Chapter 1 ! Previous Chapter ! Next Chapter !

So when Namjoon entered the studio he had very specific things he expected to see when he entered the studio. He expected hard work, music and maybe some laughter. When he did not expect was Yongguk on his chair legs spread, head thrown back, eyes closed and his hand stuck in Himchan’s hair while the beta was eagerly sucking him off.

All three of the them all kinda froze, had somebody looked in it would probably have looked ridiculous. Namjoon having dropped all his thing standing with the door open and mouth open as well, Himchan looking with big open spelled eyes with Yongguk’s dick right next to his face and the alpha’s hand still having a firm grasp in Himchan’s hair.

While all 3 looked at each other like a deer caught in the headlight Himchan was the first one to speak up. “This isn’t what it seems like!”

“So… you were just washing his dick? With your best cat impression?” To be honest, yes he was a little shocked, which was mainly because the studio was a holy ground for Namjoon, and that couldn’t be hygienic!

While yes, it did still make him shy the thought of sex and stuff like that, but he wasn’t gonna run away at the sight. He knew that the rest of BAP was having smexy times! He had walked in on Jongup and Youngjae in the shower, which Namjoon was 90% sure was planned since normal people would lock the door. He had gotten dragged into the shower with them, which had almost caused him to be late for practice!

Himchan opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again… tried for words one more time, before once again closing it. In the end it was Yongguk who spoke up. “Are you sassing us?”  his tone was full of well meaning humour.

Which made Namjoon feel more comfortable pushing his stuff into the room and closing the door behind him. “Are you about to have sex in the studio that other people have to work in, with the door unlocked so anybody could walk in?”

“There was a do not disturb sign on the door!” Himchan piped up, face still right next to Yongguk’s still hard dick, tip angry red and leaking precum showing that he had been close before Namjoon had decided to make himself known.

Yongguk just shrugged, he couldn’t stop his hips from chasing the warmth of Himchan’s breath as the other spoke. “And we weren’t having sex, we are just blowing each other… Bro jobs you know.”

That caused both Himchan and Namjoon to look at him with a raised eyebrow a frown that said ‘really?’ “Geez I’m sorry, don’t mind my bad jokes. Sorry for trying to lighten the mood it’s not like I am sitting here with my dick out feeling awkward.”

Namjoon had to agree that he was feeling slightly awkward as well, he had felt really swag and in control when he had walked in, feeling that he really had the hand up on the rest of them. But now that he was actually in the room he felt mostly awkward and not really sure what he was supposed to do. Luckily Himchan seemed to be more in control than both of the leaders. He cocked his head a little to the side and looked over Namjoon with an eyebrow raised. “Do you want to help me?” he gestured towards Yongguk’s dick that was still standing proud, also oh my god how had he not gone soft yet?

Namjoon was sure that he wasn’t suppose to still be hard, he looked surprised at Himchan. “Me?” at the sametime as Yongguk more or less squaked out. “Himchan!”

“Don’t act like you have never thought about it when we have been sitting here late at night working? Tell me that you don’t want me and Joonie to both be drooling over your dick sharing it like a lollipop?” So yeah Himchan turned out to actually be a leading expert in dirty talking.

And Namjoon would have to be lying if the thought didn’t turn him on, he already knew that he really enjoyed eating people out and while he hadn’t sucked a lot of dick he was pretty sure that he would really enjoy that as well, and that he would enjoy sharing with Himchan, yes that actually sounded really hot.

“You… shut up.” Yongguk mumbled, now having his hand covering his eyes like he couldn’t look at them and his deep voice somehow becoming even deeper with arousal.

Knowing that he more or less had gotten consent from Yongguk Himchan instead turned his attention to Namjoon. “What do you say Joonie? Wanna help?”

Namjoon couldn’t get himself to answer, feeling shy again. Well at least this time he had a good 5 minutes where he made it sound like he wasn’t a shy tall bean. That was progress, instead a small bump was heard as Namjoon’s knees hit the floor next to Himchan. Instead of answering the question he leaned forward to press a kiss to Himchan’s soft lips.

Well it didn’t really stay soft for more than a few seconds as Himchan eagerly took control of the kiss to map out Namjoon’s mouth and engage his tongue in a dance of passion. Namjoon could feel a hand being placed in his hair as well, more comforting than control, and he didn’t need to open his eyes to know that it was Yongguk’s, who seemed to have decided that he wanted to be part of it somehow.

For a few moments he let himself be completely controlled by Himchan and Yongguk. The hand in his hair guiding him and Himchan’s hands on his hips pushing him closer until air was needed for this to go on. Both Himchan and Namjoon’s eyes were hooded with lust as they looked at each other.

A light nip more onto Namjoon’s full bottom lip before the beta finally decided to give some mercy to Yongguk. He placed a kiss on the tip of the still very hard dick next to their faces, running his tongue over the tip Himchan managed to get a deep guttural sound out of Yongguk and a more soft moan out of Namjoon as the youngest saw the precum disappear into the beta’s mouth.

He couldn’t stop himself from taking Himchan’s mouth in a harsh kiss sharing the bitter taste between them. The taste of alpha exploding in Namjoon’s mouth as Himchan wrapped his tongue around the youngers.

Another moan from Yongguk and Namjoon could feel how his own erection was starting to push on his zipper at the sound of how deep the alpha’s voice became when he was aroused. “God you two looks so hot together like that,” his hand was still resting on Namjoon’s hair, but it was soft and not too hard especially compared to the matching one he had in Himchan’s hair guiding the beta.

Namjoon finally broke the kiss as he looked up at Yongguk eyes glazed over with arousal. “Harder please,” he couldn’t stop himself from asking, he wanted to be treated like Himchan, he could take it.

He couldn’t explain why he found it so arousing to have somebody control his moments. To let somebody else have the control. He had found the same thing with Daehyun, that while he loved eating out the other omega he prefered to do it while Daehyun had a tight grip on his hair and was grinding down on his mouth.

For a moment it looked liked Yongguk was gonna question it, but it seemed that he was smart enough to know that it wasn’t a good idea to question the omega. Instead just doing as the younger asked of him, tightening his grip on his hair. It was the first time Namjoon had actually vocalized what he wanted to anybody that wasn’t Daehyun and he wasn’t going to question it. It wasn’t like it was a weird kink for omegas. For majority of them submission came natural, and it really seemed to be a turn on for Namjoon.

Guiding the two youngers heads together again Yongguk couldn’t stop himself from moaning. The two were making out right next to the head of his cock and as the kiss was broken a string of saliva was connecting to two.

Both were going so easily turning their heads towards Yongguk as he guided them “You know that you can say stop at any time.” It was so important for consent, while yes Himchan knew that he could back out at anytime, it was even more important that so early on in Namjoon life as a sexually active omega he understood that he could back out.

Namjoon just nodded, licking his kiss swollen lips eyes fixed on the erection right in front of him. It was kind both cute and sexy as fuck to see the younger omega clearly wanting to suck him off. Yongguk was not going to lie that he had found Namjoon attractive even before he had presented as an omega, but he found many people attractive and he was never going to push himself on a dud. He was more than happy just being friends with Namjoon.

But as Namjoon presented everything changed, he could thank Jiho for the notice of telling them about the younger presenting, it was kinda impressive how quickly the news of Namjoon having presented spread in the idol world. Which shouldn’t really have surprised Yongguk, he still to that day had no idea how the information had reached Big Bang, but he guessed that he should be happy it did. Namjoon had told them about his conversation with Daesung and how the older omega had helped him realize that he didn’t ‘owe’ anybody anything, and it was important for his own health that he gave everybody a chance.

It seemed that Himchan the cheeky fuck had lost his patience as he stuck his tongue out to kitten lick at the tip once again. “Focus,” he teased Yongguk “you have two pretty guys on their knees in front of you and you decided to have a deep thought session instead?”

Yongguk tightened his hand once again in Himchan’s bleached locks having relaxed his grip a little as he had his little thinking session. Himchan was right though, his thinking session about how they all ended like that and how they all seemed so happy with Namjoon there and how he fit with them so well could really wait. “Oh I’m sorry that I want to make sure that I have consent.” His tone might sound snappy, but he knew that Himchan understood him as the beta licked his lips.

“Can we get on with it then, before Joonie drools on himself?” The omega seemed to wake a little bit up at the mention of his name as he raised his head looking directly into Yongguk’s hooded eyes.

“I understand,” good that Namjoon already seemed to understand that verbal consent was one of the most important things there was.

Yongguk smiled a little, which was hard because he was still so fucking turned on and he had two really hot guys close to his dick. “Good boy,” Namjoon almost lit up at the compliment and Yongguk might have filed that away for later.

Finally letting himself have what they all seemed to want he guided the twos head to his erection, letting Namjoon close his soft lips around the tip as the same time as Himchan was guided to the side.

After that it was pretty hard for Yongguk to really focus on what was happening around him. He did his best at helping guide the two heads while enjoying both the feeling and visual in front of him.

The two on the knees in front of him made an amazing picture which was only made better when Yongguk noticed that they were jerking each other off at the same time. Namjoon’s tiny omega dick almost completely disappearing in Himchan’s hand.

Namjoon was clearly doing his best to give back as much pleasure as he was getting, but with how little experience Namjoon had he was clearly struggling between focusing on jerking Himchan off while wrapping his tongue early around the tip of Yongguk’s cock. The alpha was more or less sure that if hadn’t been for the hand he had buried in Namjoon’s hair the omega wouldn’t have anything to ground him and help him focusing on the task on hand.

The picture of Namjoon and Himchan making out around his dick would without a doubt be forever stored in his brain for jerkoff material. While yes Yongguk would be lying if he said that it was the best blowjob he ever had (that honor went to Youngjae who wanted to see how it felt with Yungguk fucking his mouth while he was lying on the bed with his head hanging over the edge… which… yeah that had been amazing, he had fucked away Youngjae’s voice, but the beta seemed to think it was worth it. Then again, it would probably not have happened if Yongguk hadn’t lost control like a pup and knotted Youngjae’s mouth, which Yongguk could not be blamed for. He had tried to warn Youngjae, but he was not letting him go)

“Fuck close,” his body was fighting against itself, on one side it wanted him to close his eyes and enjoy the orgasm incoming another part of him didn’t want to tear his his eyes away from the view in front of him.

That seemed to make both of the younger much more eager as the did their best to push Yongguk over the edge. Himchan resting his hand on his naked thigh softly massaging it as to show him that it was okay.

A deep moan was released from Yongguk as he couldn’t keep it in anymore and he came, at the same time as Namjoon pulled of the tip which resulted in Namjoon getting a full facial and looking generally surprised at Yongguk with big wide open eyes.

Cum was hanging of Namjoon eyelashes, cheekbones and lips, and that was when Yongguk noticed that both of the younger had reached their climaxes as well. Or at least he thought so if the wet cum covering their fingers was anything to go by.

Namjoon licked his lips swiping the cum covering them into his mouth keeping eye contact with Yongguk. “Salty,”

“Yeah… you need to not do that.” Yongguk mumbled closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair head falling back. “You two might actually be the death of me.”

Of course Himchan didn’t seem to let him get away with that as Yongguk heard him push Namjoon down flat on the floor, and when he opened his eyes he was greeted with the sight of Himchan in his best erotic fashion licking the rest of the cum off Namjoon’s face while being a gentleman and tucking him back into his pants while zipping him up.

So yeah they were pretty much out to kill Yongguk’s sanity as he quickly closed his eyes again. Moaning low in his throat as his dick made an effort to get hard again. “Don’t you fuckign dare, just because they are being teases.” He mumbled half heartedly to his dick, because yes talking to your dick was a completely normal thing to do when one of your packmates, plus the guy you hoped to be one of your pack members were licking YOUR cum of each others faces. How was he suppose to deal with that?

Namjoon laughed at Himchan finished his cleaning with a kiss placed on his lips. With arousal having died down after his orgasm the kiss was soft and sweet instead, until Namjoon had to push him away. “Too hot.”

That just caused Himchan to laugh. “You know it.” before finally deciding to clean himself up as well, before getting up to kiss Yongguk as well. “Are you still alive or did we finally manage to suck out your soul through your dick.”

“Fuck you,” was all Yongguk mumbled dick still out as he was rubbing his eyes trying not to get hard.

Then there was Namjoon who spoke up. “Aw come on! I like these jeans now there is a wet spot!” Only for Namjoon to turn around and show that yes indeed he had somehow managed to produce enough slick to actually make a wet spot.

Needlessly to say. They got a good amount of work done that day, yes most of the things they managed to write was 18+, but technically it was work? Right? They wrote songs… Okay they didn’t get much work done.

Also it turned out that Namjoon got a little (a lot) affectionate after smexy time and he was happy sitting on Yongguk’s lap while writing. Which yes Himchan got a lot of pictures of which was happily shared in a group chat with other idols emotionally invested in Namjoon’s life.

There was food when they got home, which made everything much better because food. The mood in general was nice, warm and comfortable. Namjoon had spent multiple years now not getting the closeness he needed after returning home from a long day, and it was nice and relaxing to just standing brushing his teeth having Junhong wrap his long arm around his waist resting his head on top of him smiling to him in the mirror. Or Jongup pulling him into a game of Overwatch without complaining that Namjoon was to bad, instead just enjoying the time with him.

He had started to get used to his time with B.a.p. He enjoyed spending time with them, he liked going to bed and waking up with them , but everything was temporary until Namjoon made a choice. As he was dragging his shirt over his head because god knows everything was being too warm Daehyun spoke up. “Don’t see this as me wanting to get rid of you, because if it stood to me we weren’t going to let you go, but you said you wanted to spend some time with everybody before you had to leave for Japan.”

Namjoon had said that, he wanted to be fair not just to himself but to everybody else as well. He wanted to split his time between the packs who had all somehow decided that they actually felt that he would maybe fit into their pack.

“Yeah… you are right,” he had already been with b.a.p a few weeks, but it felt like so much more since so much had happened and everybody had been so good to him.

He sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s the right thing to do… I… I want to be fair, but I don’t want you guys to think it is because I want to leave, or that I haven’t enjoyed my time here.”

For a second everybody was silent and still in the room, until a certain baby alpha decided he was done playing a game of silence. “Namjoon we all knew that this was temporary for now.” He wrapped his arms around the omega hugging him close from behind, it was the first time in a long while they had actually called him by his name. Normally he was just sweetcheeks or just Joonie. “We don’t expect you to just want to join us now, nor at anytime. Yes we hope for it, but if you told us now we would know you hadn’t thought it over. We know this is important, and we care about you. We knew this would happen and we are okay with it, go spread your wings.”

The rest of B.a.p agreed and that night Namjoon slept in the middle of a giant puppy pile, knowing that this would be the last time in a while that he would be sleeping with B.a.p and he wanted to keep them close.

The next day Namjoon was to leave, he had already had a call with Block B since that was where he was gonna stay next, and they had seemed happy and eager for him to spend the time with them.

Namjoon had decided that he first of all was going to spend a day or two home alone getting his stuff and thought in order. He knew that he had been terrible at being alone last time, but he was pretty sure that he would be better this time.

Going down the line hugging the members and getting kisses and nuzzles in return was kinda sad in the end. While Namjoon wasn’t sure if B.a.p was it for him, because nobody could really explain what knowing that it was YOUR pack really felt like, but he knew he really liked them if not loved them.

His hug with Junhong was extra tight from both sides as Junhong mumbled a very quiet thank you that only Namjoon could hear. Namjoon couldn’t stop himself from smiling like a proud little bean since Junhong had actually taken his advice.

His goodbyes with Daehyun, Youngjae and Jongup was while still sad a lot more cheery as well. They reminded Namjoon that even if he didn’t end up with them, this wasn’t goodbye forever, and even if everybody else found Namjoon terrible at video games Jongup and Youngjae would still play with him. Why he had no idea, but bless their souls. And he knew that he would forever have a bond with Daehyun since he kinda felt like his Omega teacher in a same way that Daesung did… It had to be a Dae thing.

The last in the line was Yongguk who’s hug was somehow even more fierce than Junhong’s and another thank you was given and Namjoon knew what it was from as he whispered back. “Remember you promised to tell them, but I also understand why you can’t right now. Just… I think it is going to work with Junhong now, tell them after. When I come back to Japan you better how told you or I will whup your ass.”

“I’m taller and stronger than you.” Yongguk teased as he lifted Namjoon off the ground teasingly.

It caused Namjoon to laugh before he kissed his friend one more time. “Admitting you need help isn’t being weak, it’s being strong. And even if you need a break… everybody will understand, they love you.”

One last group hug was shared between them before Namjoon was on his way home. It was bittersweet leaving, while he didn’t want to leave. He also looked forward to spending time with Block B, it was always easy to forget that two of the members knew Namjoon longer than ANY of the BTS members… Yeah maybe that was gonna be good for Namjoon, but he also kept Bang PD-nim’s word in mind. A pack wasn’t just the two he knew for so long, but all of them. He couldn’t forget that.

He smiled for himself as he threw his hoodie across the room because fuck the heat, it was going to be okay… he was going to be okay…

While Namjoon might be okay, Hoseok was planning murder in the other end of Seoul…

Target: Hyunseung    

Authors note:

Boi oh Boi, Hoseok here we come! bap arc done!

- Prussia

[runawayfridays]

The WINGS Tour in Manila

By Jen

Episode III: The Wings Tour in Manila Day 2, happened on May 7th of 2017, the day when BTS snatched my wig with their live performances. AGAIN. It’s almost 2 months now since they stopped here in the Philippines for their tour, and every time I see updates from their tour in every country they went to, I can’t help myself but to reminisce and go back to that day through looking at the photos and fancams I took at the concert.

I still remember, with arms both raised up high, army bomb on the left and phone on the right. I screamed my lungs out as Bangtan heat up the MOA Arena once again. I guess, if that day wasn’t really that special, I don’t think I’d still be able to write this fanaccount up until now. Well, that’s PCD (Post Concert Depression) for the longest time. Seeing them live for the 3rd time didn’t make that concert experience less exciting. In fact, I was more hyped to see them again that time. Maybe because they happened to be here on my birthday. And another reason would be because I was blessed to be picked for the pulp royalty, giving me the privilege to attend the sound check and see them practice their songs and interact with us, ARMYs, in their casual clothes. Though, my PR experience would be a lot more exciting if I could just take Rej and Erika with me and be in the same section as well. Too bad, I can just hope that we can share this experience again together next time.

So, going back to The Wings Tour in Manila Day 2, here’s how my concert experience went..(according to how I still remember, LOL) Though birthday presents are usually wrapped in colorful gift wrappers and some were with big ribbons, mine came in dashing outfits and cool hairstyles. And I couldn’t ask for more. I swear they all looked so good. I mean, yes I saw them already before but it was all different this time.

THE SOUND CHECK

After the long wait at the PR strapping, our battle preparation(A.K.A stuffing our tummies with food),sending me off at the gate entrance, lining up at the lobby and meeting new friends(Hi Princess, Christine, Lauren, and Karla!), it is finally time to see BTS! We were assisted to enter one side of the arena and locate the best spot for the activity. 

Then, it started. My eyes were so full I didn’t know who to focus on as they come out one by one, but Namjoon took my attention with his flashy neon colored hoodie that he later on posted on their twitter account as his Kim Daily entry. He was so cute wearing that beanie and flashing his deep dimples. It was so deep I could fill it with water and dive in there. 

The first song they sang was Baepsae, and I immediately missed Erika coz this was our jam. So, with her in mind, I jammed and danced to Baepsae not minding other people around me. But then my attention was caught by a very good looking, even in his bare-face, Kim Seokjin, wearing an oversized hoodie. And, I must say, the word HANDSOME was written in bold-capital letters all over his face.

The second song was Dope, and again, I jammed all the way as the boys are roaming around the stage meeting their ARMYs from different sides. I still remember, it was his part when Min Yoongi went in front of us. Wearing a black cap, black shirt and black pants, his milky white skin is glowing and it's so blinding. On the other hand, Jeon Jungkook in specs and oversized white shirt was so manly yet adorable. And I can't help myself to squeal. But then, Park Jimin came to my side just as I was singing and dancing. He was as if memorizing every face in front of him. He just can’t stop staring at us. So, I stared back and tried to lock eyes with him but he's just so sexy in those black sunglasses, making me throw him lots of hearts in different forms.

Talking about sexy, did I already mention Kim Taehyung being so sexy, even while wearing a face mask, in a beret, dark blue long sleeved shirt and his favorite red pants? I still remember the way he just stood there in front of me, and wiggled his eyebrows. I swear, that was the sexiest thing he did that night. The memory was still clear to me until now. And of course how can I also forget how manly and sexy Jung Hoseok in specs, black cap, black shirt and black shorts? I think that was the longest jhooope I ever screamed. He's just so ughhh. 

The last song they rehearsed was 21st Century Girls, and again I missed my girls outside and wished I could dance with them as well, but at least my new found friends are there to join me dance to the song while raising our hands up. If I could just take a photo to share this to Erika and Rej but too bad, phones weren’t allowed inside. Although three songs weren’t enough to feed us, ARMYs, it is enough to make us more hyped for the concert itself. Wooo~

EPISODE III: THE WINGS TOUR

After the sound check we were given a quick break to catch our breaths, take a pic with our new found friends, drink some water, go to the rest room and ready ourselves to be blown away again by BTS. But of course, I also used this quick break to call my girls and share my feels and check if they were already lining up outside. It was so quick that the next thing I knew was that I was already inside the arena again, clinging onto that barrier and gawking at how close I was at the stage. Never mind the pushing and tight space, what's important for me that time was that I.AM.SO.CLOSE.

As the arena is being filled with ARMYs, my excitement rises until the lights were all out signaling the start of the show. And everyone, including me, were screaming and waving our hands and light sticks. This was the moment we've all been waiting for. So I sent a quick text to Erika and Rej saying how close I was and to enjoy the show.

So, dim the lights, play intro VCR, music cue, and drop the white curtain… Not Today, Am I Wrong, Baepsae, Dope

The white curtain falls just as Namjoon deliver his lines from Not Today, and everyone inside the arena went wild joining Bangtan in saying the line Chong, Jeojun, Balsa! This song was really perfect for the opening act. It definitely hyped up my soul. After a quick ment, welcoming the ARMYs, Not Today was then followed by Am I Wrong, Baepsae and Dope. And, I just cant with the feels!

After heating up the stage with powerful choreographies, they proceeded with their solo stages...

BEGIN The solo stages started with the golden maknae impressing all the ARMYs with his footwork and vocals in his own song Begin. I wasn’t really expecting that they prepared a choreo for this song. Just listening to Jungkook delivering the lyrics to this song is already something, but seeing him sing and dance to this song is totally a package I cannot complain and refuse.

LIE Next up is sexy mochi Jimin, performing his song Lie while oozing with sexiness. He dances gracefully even while wearing a blindfold. I was surprised that he even managed to add a lifting in his choreo!

FIRST LOVE Then the piano appears, a sign that it is Yoongi’s turn. His stage is really amazing, just him on the piano doing his thing, rapping his swag out of his heart and piercing through mine.

REFLECTION I still remember how Namjoon pointed his mic to us, ARMYs, while performing his song Reflection just so he could let us shout “Kim Namjoon! Saranghae!”. It was so loud that it really echoes inside the whole arena.

STIGMA Just as RapMon exits through the telephone booth propped at the stage, Kim Taehyung comes out so manly in a glittery coat and sings his self-written song, Stigma. In front of the mic stand, he belted out his most awaited high note. For this song, I just had to stay still to listen to him reach that high note and I was not disappointed. Also, it just made his stage even sexier with that black and white effect on the screen. HIS OVERALL PERFORMANCE WAS JUST SO SEXY!

MAMA For Hoseok’s stage, I, again, screamed the longest jhooope I ever screamed v2.0. I really enjoyed J-hope’s stage for MAMA. With, those back-up dancers accompanying him on the extended stage, he led the whole crowd in singing, dancing and clapping to the a Capella part of his song. I really got goosebumps when I thought he was gonna cry in that part but instead, he flashed his proud smile. And with his baby pictures flashing on the big LED screen, he ended his stage with me having a big bright smile on my face.😃

AWAKE Jin, being the last to perform his solo track, didn’t also disappoint the many ARMYs, including me of course, who sang passionately with him. Just like him, his stage is a true definition of beauty. And that high note with so much emotions while he was being lifted as if he was gonna spread his wings and fly, with glitter-like confetti falling from the ceiling, was the highlight of his performance. I almost asked myself if that is how heaven looked like.

For The Wings Tour, BTS didn’t only prepared solo stages, they also came armed with unit stages that most of the ARMYs looked forward to witness…

LOST The first unit to showcase their prepared performance was the Vocal Line. Jin, Jimin, V, and Jungkook went up the stage to perform their song Lost. Surprised by the choreography, I found myself literally lost in that moment while absorbing every lyrics of the song. I’ve been wanting to see them perform this song live, and now that all that I have was the memory of me shouting out the words of the song, which is the same exact words I really do wanted to shout to the whole world, all that I can do was to wish to go back to that moment and get lost again.

CYPHER PT.4 How could I even forget the unit stage of our Rap Line, Rap Monster, Suga, and J-Hope? Cypher pt.4 was my most awaited performance that night. Dressed in those fancy robes and sunglasses, they didn’t failed to hyped me up with their performance. It was so lit! I was jumping while shouting the lines “Sorry Bae!” and tried to rap with them. Oh, how I wish I was able to bop to this song with Erika and Rej. 

Other than the unit stages, Bangtan also performed ARMYs’ all-time-favorite hits…

I NEED U, SAVE ME, FIRE These three songs with killer dance routine is definitely a must watch in their concert. When I Need U started to play, I suddenly felt emotional while remembering the time they sang this as their last song for their Epilogue concert. It was the exact same song from a year ago, but with different feels and a new memory. (TRIVIA: I Need U is BTS’s first win on a music show and they won this on the exact date of my birthday.) And, if someone would ask me to list BTS’s best choreographies for their songs, Save Me would be a permanent on my list. J-hope’s “Whoop whoop!” part would always be my favorite. Talking about best choreographies, Fire, would also be in my list. They just took synchronicity, energy and coolness to a whole new level! Defining the lines, “Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hotter!”, they literally burned me with feels that night.

THE MEDLEY (N.O., NO MORE DREAM, BOY IN LUV, DANGER, RUN) Hot, sexy, and wild. Yes, those were the right words to describe this stage. I never knew I needed a medley and a live band version of these songs until that night. I just lost it all when they huddled up at the center and bounce to the intro of N.O.

The crowd went wild when they started to go in different directions. I still remember how Taehyung walked coolly to our side, my heart started beating so fast and I was already trying to catch my breath. I started to panic more when all the members came one after the other. They were just being so rude the whole performance, body rolling, hip thrusting and body waving in front of us. And, I am so lucky to be so close and experience all of that first hand.

The song switched then to No More Dream, and the screaming just got louder. I froze on my spot with my jaw hanging wide open when I realize how close I was to them. So close, that I could actually see the color of Hoseok’s contacts and his sharp jaw that cuts through my soul. I could even poke Jimin’s cheeks if would reach onto him. It was so fluffy, I thought I was gonnna die! And, how could I even forget Jungkook nailing his rap part in this song while bopping with full energy? Gosh, he looked so hot. The chorus came as well as Rapmon went to our side, proving his dancing skills, while doing the “La La Lalala” part while holding his mic up in the air with a satisfied smile on his face.

It just got hotter when they gathered up at the center and started dancing to Boy In Luv, the fanchants were so loud, and the lines “Wae nae mameul heundeuneun gondae..” was ringing in my ears. It went on like this just as the song changed to Danger. And finally, the last song for this medley, Run. They all started running around the stage and jumping in excitement. I was still in awe and couldn’t believe that they were really in front of me. And, that’s when Jin came with a bottled water in his hand and started showering us. The fact that I felt that cold water sprinkling on my face, proved that everything is really happening. I got back to my senses when gold confetti blasted up in the air signaling the end of this segment. It wouldn’t be called The Wings Tour if they won’t perform the hottest songs from their WINGS album so…

21ST CENTURY GIRL, BOY MEETS EVIL, BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS Excitement rushed through my body when I heard 21st Century Girl started to play. This song is really my jam. The choreo was so sexy yet cute and adorable. And, with Taehyung at the center, I started to grin from ear to ear as I watched the dance break part.😁 

After having fun with that song, the lights went off and the spotlight was suddenly on J-Hope. And, he started to dance to his Intro: Boy Meets Evil. I wasn’t able to stop myself from joining him do a body wave while singing the lines “Too bad..But it’s too sweet..” They continued on to perform Blood, Sweat and Tears. And, I got goosebumps all over my body. Band versions would always be the best. And, of course, the super sexy choreo that I just witnessed that night could not be easily erased from my memory.

Of course, they weren’t just dancing and singing all through out the concert. There were VCRs prepared for the ARMYs. There’s this one VCR that really stood out. It was supposed to be the supplementary story of this whole trilogy. The VCR that would end all the theories and confusions of every ARMY. But, how could anyone try to concentrate in watching when they’re, first, so handsome in that VCR. And, second, when it was translated to Filipino? I swear, I wasn’t able to understand a single thing coz I find it so hilarious!

It wasn’t just the VCR that is in Filipino, even in their talks/ments, all the members tried communicating to Philippine ARMYs in Filipino. I can’t stop laughing while listening to Taehyung asking us the questions, in his robot-like accent, “Ang bilis ng oras diba? Sana hindi na matapos itong concert na ito. Kayo din ba? Kayo din ba? Kayo din ba? Maraming salamat sa pagpunta. Mahal ko kayo.” How could I also forget the derp faces he did in front of the camera?😂 Suga, on the other hand, translated his oh so famous line “Kkaepjjang” to Filipino, saying PH ARMYs were “Magaling!” while doing a thumbs up. Being the cheesy maknae he is, Jungkook, told us that “Gusto ko lagi tayo magkasama”. And me, being the sentimental fan, went all “awww”  after he stated those lines. Meanwhile, I still remember how Jimin made me cringe when he asked us if we liked their performance and when we answered yes, he quickly added the question “talaga ba?” with that cute smile. I just wanted to squish him at that moment! The cheesiness and cringing didn’t just stopped there, it continued on when Jin suddenly shouted “gigil nyo si akooo!”, while holding up a paper, he kept in his pocket, with the words Mahal kita♡  Beaming with excitement, J-Hope declared “ARMY ang aming pakpak”, emphasizing the word Pakpak, in which made the crowd answer, Ganern Ganern. And that is the history of J-Hope’s PakGanern ft. PH ARMYs. And lastly, Namjoon ended the talk by saying, “Maraming salamat sa pagpunta, magkita tayo muli.” That last line played over and over again in my head. That was the only thing I needed to hear, that they’ll be back and we’ll see each other again.

Though I never wanted that night to end, there’s nothing I could do but to just enjoy the last few moments I could still see them live and up close...

OUTRO: WINGS Just as the words FLY HIGH PHILIPPINES ARMY lit up at the stage, Outro:Wings started to play. And, one by one, the members came out in those cute striped long sleeves. They wander around the stage again but this time with a soft and light feeling. It’s as if they’re gonna take me to cloud-nine. And, they actually did. It was Taehyung again who came first to our spot, body waving from side to side, looking so cute in that beret. Oh, I live for Tae’s eyebrows. Then, Jimin came and a little VMin moment happened. But, being the rude Jimin he is, he bent down in front of me and leaned in really really close as if he was teasing me. I swear, I almost dropped everything when he did that and I was already in panic mode. It didn’t do me any good when he left coz after that, Jungkook came flashing me those bunny smiles. And he did the same thing Jimin did. He bent down as well and pointed his mic to us. He was so close! The next thing I knew, my whole body was shaking and I can’t control my trembling hands. Imagine being flocked by the maknae line one at a time! Good thing it was time for their little fun time and they started doing dorky dance steps in the middle just before J-hope do his rap part. And when the chorus came, they started running again. Suga came to our side and I saw his breath-taking gummy smile. Jin came as well while blowing kisses to everyone. I was really flying so high for having such a good time and for having a fancam that, I think, would haunt me for the rest of my life.

2! 3! HOPING FOR MORE BETTER DAYS Okay, now I’m emotional. I’ve been imagining how would it felt like singing this song at their concert, with the other ARMYs and with Bangtan, of course. And this is how I felt, it was so soothing. It’s as if all the things I worry would be gone soon. It was really a great song they did for ARMYs. They always made me feel loved and understood.

SPRING DAY 봄날 Spring Day, the last song for their concert, The Wings Tour. I told myself not to cry and get too emotional when they perform this but I  can’t help it. Every word they spoke just hits me and I’m drowning. It was so beautiful hearing the ARMYs sing for bangtan as they take their bows and thank everyone for coming and doing great while the confetti was falling from the ceiling. It was a fantastic experience. I already missed BTS just as they were disappearing one by one on the stage. The concert has ended and I was still standing there beside the barrier when suddenly a VCR played again. I liked that they always have this behind the scene preparation video with the credits every after their concert. It helps me believe that everything I witnessed was real and not a dream, as they even remember to add “Our WINGS, ARMY” to their long thank you list.

After the concert, I got reunited with Erika and Rej. We were all smiling so widely, though I knew we all wished we were together. The experience would be a lot more enjoyable. I also got to see my friend, Kaisha, and her sister, Ayel, with their cousin, outside. And we just can’t get over with the feels. It was truly a whole new experience for me and BTS. And, guess who’s the happiest birthday girl ever? 🙋 It was definitely the best and most memorable birthday I ever had! Everything was so worth it. See you again, Bangtan!

[badgesandlanyards-blog]

What was the Comic-con Westworld activation like?

*Skip this first part if you aren’t interested in the prep/line waiting that accompanies almost every SDCC story.

When it was announced that HBO was going to be hosting an offsite activation for Westword, I immediately added it my short list of “must-do’s” at Comic-con. I dropped by the Hilton Bayfront on Wednesday night to see where the line was located and asked hotel staff if people were allowed to stay overnight in the lobby. Since I hate that people (including myself–especially myself) camp in lines I was thrilled when I was told that no one would be allowed to line up over night or sleep in the lobby where the line was located. With my evening free I went off to meet up with friends and have dinner at Filippi’s Pizza Grotto in Little Italy. We had some delicious and affordable pizza and a very large amount of sangria.

As preview night rolled on press covering Comic-con began to tweet about how amazing the Westworld experience was, as well as mentioning that the experience could be limited to only 100 people per day. As a result, I told my two friends that were going with me we needed to be at the Bayfront before six and I set my alarm for 5am. Being in line before 7am had never failed me before. I figured adding an extra hour to be safe would have us in the front of the line with no issues. We also wanted to have our choice of appointment times because one of my friends had several press appointments Thursday.

The next morning we rolled out a little before 6am, half-asleep and packed up for the day. When we arrived it looked like there were about 35-40 people in line. We congratulated ourselves on our timely arrival, confident that we could secure reservations. Appointments for reservations were supposed to start at 9:30 so we had about three-and-a-half-hours to kill. We sent someone to go get coffee and settled into our camp chairs.

The normal SDCC front-of-the-line expansions began around 7am, and then kept going… and going. For those who have never been in a line at SDCC what I mean by “SDCC front-of-the-line expansion” is when everyone gets in line with their friends. You may be thinking “hey, that’s just cutting! That’s not cool”, and you’re right! It’s not cool. But lines are complicated at Comic-con. I’m not really sure how it got so complicated since queuing is a simple concept, but it has reached the point that you never actually know how many people are in line ahead of you anymore. The line for Westworld expanded from one-to-two people wide to having large groups of ten or more people spanning from the walkway over to several couches placed along the widows.

We were told by HBO staff a little after 8am that we were numbers 85-87 in line and we started to get nervous. By 8:30 we were being told that we would most likely not get to make reservations that day. However, we were still in the 80s. We figured out that we would need to be above 120 to miss out so we decided to stay. We watched two women join a group almost directly in front of us after 8:30 and knew we had been pushed into the 90s. I told security that there was a large number of people there who had not been present before 8am; not really in an effort to get them kicked out because we knew it was impossible (I have never seen anyone pulled out of line at any SDCC event), but because we hoped that they wouldn’t let more people in before we got to make our reservations.

There was a player piano next to the check-in desk that started around 9. It played the Westworld theme and music from the show; drawing more attention to the reservation desk. Two actors dressed as hosts (in the all white dresses and suits hosts wear when they greet guests as they arrive at Westworld in the show) started taking reservations at 9:30. The reservation process was slow. At first, one person at a time went up to the host at the desk to make their reservation. After about 20 minutes they began to process the line in groups.

We finally reached the front of the line around 10:30am. We watched as the last group of people that they had room for on Thursday made their reservation (including those women who walked up at after 8:30 ::boo hiss::). We were told by staff that we could split up and individually make a standby reservation. They took one person for each time slot. I finally got my chance to approach the desk where a female host sat and was instructed to pick a time for standby. After she input my name and information into her tablet I was given a black business card for Westworld that had the address for the Hotel Palomar and my designated time. The host instructed me to come no earlier than ten minutes before my appointed time and that if I arrived ten minutes late that I would miss my reservation. The acting on the host’s part was very well done. They were doing a kind of monotone, calm and collected thing. I went off to enjoy the rest of the day after my friends and I consoled each other for our failure to secure an actual reservation. If you have never been in this situation as a result of late-comers getting in line it is pretty heart breaking. Please consider not letting your friend that woke up at 9am join a line of people who have been in line for more than three hours unless there was an extremely good reason that they couldn’t be there (ie: on-site badge pick-up, medical reasons, young children). The decent thing to do is be considerate of other attendees when an event is extremely limited.

And now on to what happened at the experience.

I arrived at the Hotel Palomar shortly before my designated time (it was a 15-20 minute walk from convention center) and checked in with the same host that gave me my reservation in the morning. I was told that I would be escorted up to the lounge, but that if everyone arrived for the time slot, I would not be able to do the complete experience. I crossed everything in hopes that someone would not show up and tried to console myself with the fact that, if I had to leave, there was something else I wanted to do that was literally a three minute walk from the hotel.

We were escorted to the elevators by the host that checked us in. Once we got off the elevator it was clear that the designers of the activation had done a great job. The design of the Hotel Palomar lent itself to a sleek modern look that complimented the Delos signs that were posted in hallways and on doors that directed guests to “quality control” and “guest services” among other things.

Actors portraying hosts met you in the lounge. They took our cards and greeted us individually by name. Every time that the hosts interacted with the group they would say each person’s name. It was an excellent way to make the interactions with them seem less human. The lounge was a recreation of the rooms where William (Jimmy Simpson) chose his wardrobe and weapons before entering Westworld on the show. There were actual props and costumes from the show.

Amazingly, someone actually missed their appointment and I didn’t have to stop at the lounge! I was extremely excited. So excited that I forgot to take pictures for a few minutes. They escorted us down a hallway past sculptures or molds of heads like they had in the show. The host stopped in front of a door that said “Research and Development” that had a sword fight noises coming from it and, what I assume, was Japanese symbol or something that is derived from one on the door.

We arrived at a hall of doors that were labeled “Concierge Analytics”. They split us up and had us privately meet with an actor in a small empty room with two chairs. I was asked several questions including: what finger would you cut off if you had to, and would you join a group of outlaws shooting up a bar, run away or fight them? The questions were similar to the quiz that you can find at this Westworld website. Then the actor interpreted your results to give you an eerily accurate personality assessment. There was a black hat a a white hat hanging on the wall of the small room. The actor then chose a hat for you based of your personality assessment and placed the hat from the wall on your head for you. I was a white-hat.

After you get your hat you were escorted by yet another host to watch a video introduction to Westworld. The video started to glitch as did the actor/host while we watched the clip. It was a little unsettling. The host then appeared to return to normal and she escorted us to a small recreation of the Mariposa bar. The bar had several bar tenders and a host that was dressed and acted like Maeve (Thandie Newton) when she was the madam at the Mariposa. They made us three craft cocktails that were delicious. There was another player piano in the bar playing music from the show.

Overall, the experience was unique and something that I had never experienced at Comic-con. It is very rare to get to experience something so geared toward you as an individual in a sea of opportunities that are autographs but only on posters the studios supply, and panel halls that are filled with 6,499 other people. The hat was a unique piece of swag and the booze a welcome gift. The only thing that I would change is that I wish that I could have done the experience with my friends. I still feel terrible that they missed out. I found out while I was in the experience that one of the women there had never even seen the show which was a huge disappointment for me since I know several fans of the show that really wanted to attend. Hopefully next year an experience like this will be able to be made accessible to more of the attendees.

HBO’s SDCC Westworld Experience What was the Comic-con Westworld activation like? *Skip this first part if you aren’t interested in the prep/line waiting that accompanies almost every SDCC story.

[milkpuddjng]

the signs as people i know irl 👀

aries male: really chill and into streetwear, lowkey a huge romantic that asked me for help on where to get candles for his girlfriend +! cares about his friends a lot. MORE EMOTIONAL THAN HE LETS ON!!!!! however, i also know an aries male with the biggest ego ever, who's a dick and not very loyal. thinks he's the king of. everything and is in general a No aries fem: TOUGH!!!!!!! this girl is tough!!!!!!! and also v vvv cute like. has the most muscular body ever and is the best. she loves big tits and is the bluntest person i've met. very protective though, and not to be angered. EASILY RILED!! but is still cute when riled/ angry (as long as it's not at you) taurus male: very. maley. eats ALOOTTTTTTTT all the taurus guys i know are all very tall?? hm strange. has a bad sense of humour but is one of my good friends in school. uses "cock" and "penis" a lot. likes to admire female legs! very maley, sings terrible renditions of firework by katy perry. also best friends with a tall dude and a tall non-dude. they're a very cute trio taurus female: is scary. deadass scary. not well liked by a lot of people, but is actually quite soft on the inside. has a conscience!! but really doesn't seem like she does. picks fights easily, DO NOT THREATEN HER UNLESS YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH. however also once showed me her bra strap because it was lacy and nice to touch gemini male: looks like a quiet kid, is actually ambitious, SHADY, a ladies' man and quite sensitive. honestly not well liked by other dudes because he's kinda a dick sometimes. gets scared by rebels and gangsters lmaO easily intimidated and jumps to conclusions about people very easily! gemini fem: THE CUTEST, super Blur sometimes but is actually really really good at math. eats very very messily, wants to have 17 jobs in the future. easy to fall in love with, easy to fall out of love with. seems like a bimbo IS NOT she is smart, doe eyed and hilarious. loves crocodiles and is a die hard romantic cancer male: A DICK that has to Sort out his emotions and stop them from hurting people he gets close to!! very sociable, i'm friends with him too. a bit vain but not as bad as egoistic aries. his b.o after he exercises is potent enough to kill a horse. gives sound advice if he doesn't feel the need to be cool cancer female: very very very pretty, laughs and smiles very prettily! but not the fake type, the very glowy type. into lame puns and sarcastic replies. AVOIDS CONFRONTATION LIKE NOBODYS BUSINESS, but doesn't beat around the bush!! also a No to opening up. at all. but writes very sweet cards and is very sweet and lovely LIKES FOOD AND LOOKING AT PRETTY GIRLS leo male: is actually really fun to tease, funny once you get past his lameness. complies easily, but has his own limits too. his deepest darkest secret was that he shaved his eyebrow off when he was 6 and had to fill them in with an eyebrow pencil for a while. leo fem: VERY SWEET AND NASTY OMg,,, she's so soft but so terribly into smut i swear it's scary. she's super caring and hilarious and straightforward as Fuck. nerds out with you and buys you the nicest things!! pays the nicest compliments and is super generous with them. one of my favourite people virgo male: a bit............... emo at times, really eats a lot. is kinda lazy and sometimes banks on his existing skills to get him by? is sometimes hopelessly deluded, and is into top. really thoughtful about the people he's close to though! and a bit fickle minded. eats way too much virgo fem: HARDWORKINGGGGG, superstitious and everything she wears suits her and the way she does her outfits is a Yes! from me. deserves all the good grades, is one of the most worried people i know. SENSIBLE IF NOTHING ELSE and knows what's good for her and what's not. very cute personality, has her life planned quite well, BUT BUYS SMALL ASS KEYCHAINS FOR $19 EACH libra male: competitive!!!!!! easily worked into a frenzy HAHAHA. quite charming although i don't know why, used to be called a pretty boy! is very studies oriented, but is also a fuckboi. gives terrible advice if he wants to seem cool, but is actually good to study with. a friend of mine and actually less of a dick than what people give him credit for libra fem: nicer than what people give her credit for, easily a push over. sees the good in people and doesn't care much about reputations. very lovely until she realises her kindness has been taken advantage of, then she becomes a bit scary and cold towards everyone. takes past experiences as a learning point and also is quite blur at times! tends to digress a lot and deviate from her point. a good teacher though, and explains things well enough! scorpio male: very lazy, smart and athletic though! irritating to argue with, uses illogical points to piss you off on purpose even though he knows it doesn't make sense. uses 'so?' a lot. is cute though, and has very funny reactions to things. is very simple minded, and straightforward. has no airs about him, is very genuine scorpio fem: a big fat NO, hates everyone like really EVERYONE, into american white boy bands, thinks violence is the answer to a lot of things, has an edgy obsession with knives. doesn't know what's good for herself, is a bit deluded and overestimates herself sometimes. but caring, and takes a long time for her to come out of her shell. also uses 'so?' alot sag male: hilarious, genuinely hilarious. could not give a single shit about the greater good, is offensive all the time. animated, and doesn't know what to do with his life. SMART but doesn't seem like it. good judge of character, and someone that makes you feel more comfortable in uncomfortable situations. a good guy underneath many many many layers, and cares for his close friends through small small actions. sag fem: pure evil. just. fucking EVIL. the most two faced Bitch i have ever met, defamed scorpio f but still managed to manipulate her into becoming friends again???v¿???¿ terrible, would throw your expensive shoes into the pool or bury your shoes and blame it on someone else. no courage to own up to her shit either, so really just an annoying bastard that has gotta go cap male: TALL, is very emotional. looks aloof and like a fuckboi but is pretty aight. good insights on things and is a chill guy to hang out with. does stupid things sometimes, is good with words. very similar to aqua fem,, doesn't like to be wrong but considers two options and has an open mind. judgmental though hm cap female: is flustered easily and is hilarious!! tall, but a gentle giant who's honestly so nice to be around. emotional, i've seen her cry several times. but very obsessed with sloths and big tits, likes to look swag !! which she is. super open, talks about sex and porn in a hilarious manner, best friends with cancer f and aries f aqua male: EMOTIONALLLL, and constantly salty about the past 👀 nice to talk to, takes the initiative sometimes as well. goes through alot, is the living embodiment of needing constant emotional support. always constantly salty about the past, talks to many many girls. guys don't like him aqua female: fuckin weird, like just. fucking weird. honestly is Not likeable because she does some of the stupidest things but is actually a sweetheart deep down. shrouds her emotions well enough, means everything she says. likes to have an Open Mind, also tries to play things in her favour quite a lot. one of my closest friends though! and is very content with the small things pisces male: ho BOIIIII the most extra lamest motherfucker there is. hilarious, has the biggest reactions to things and is also a True Brother. very caring towards the people he cares about, and is the typical "i'll teach my son how to pick up girls but my daughter ain't allowed to date till she's 30" kinda guy. good looking and @ first looks like his ego is Sky high but it's not, really. dabs a lot, A HYPEBEAST pisces female: eek. beats around the bush a lot, doesn't like letting people down so she sometimes twists truths and tries to subtly hint at stuff. complete opposite of straightforward. docile! and compliant! rule abiding as well, does not like it when people call her out in the slightest. but a sweet girl overall, and is very appreciative of everyone around her !

[kadobeclothing]

How To Wear A Hoodie In 5 Modern Ways

There was a time, along with balaclavas, swag bags and black-and-white striped tops, when a hoodie was something that would instantly mark you out as a would-be robber and all-round wrong’un.But, as much as this humble sportswear staple has the potential to send passers-by straight to the other side of the street, right now we’re urging you to take style tips from David Cameron (remember him?) and hug a hoodie.Why? Well, practicality aside, thanks to a designer overhaul the hoodie has gone from de facto uniform of angry adolescents to the item most likely to be covering the backs of well-dressed men.The only loser here is Facebook chief Mark Zuckerberg, whose normcore hoodie has just gone full #menswear. Bad luck, Mark.The History Of The HoodieLong before it found itself a witness to dodgy deals in darkened alleys, the hoodie was the uniform of champions. OK, so that’s over-egging it a little, but sports apparel company Champion Products does lay claim to creating the world’s first hooded sweatshirt in the 1930s.It doesn’t take a genius to work out that — lo and behold — the hoodie was designed to keep athletes warm and dry in miserable weather. Since then it’s been adopted by hip-hop culture, skaters, snowboarders, angry young adults, stag parties, university students and (the reason we’re here) the runway.The Return Of The HoodieEven though come fashion week, many news outlets delight in ridiculing the most outrageous runway looks they can find, in truth most menswear pieces were born out of practicality. And that’s exactly what the hoodie offers: comfort, comfort and more comfort.The return of the hoodie signals that we’re now at peak athleisure. Having successfully broached upscale sportswear in its various forms, it was only a matter of time before menswear got its mitts on the near-century-old staple.Everyone from streetwear peddling upstarts (Off-White, Vetements) to more established menswear heavy hitters (Balenciaga, Versace) have begun pushing out high-end versions in their collections, meaning hoodie hysteria is set to continue for some time yet.To get in on the look early, here are five expert-approved ways to wear yours.How To Wear The HoodieAs Part Of A Layered LookAs much as we’re trumpeting the power of the hoodie, don’t think that wearing one is all about making a statement. When used as part of a layered look, the hoodie can be surprisingly unassuming.Mr Porter style director Olie Arnold says: “A cosy cashmere hoodie is a great layering piece for a day in the city, which will leave you looking sharp while keeping you warm at the same time.”To get this look right, wear a zip-up hoodie over a simple white crew-neck T-shirt, then add an overcoat or jacket, slim jeans and a pair of box-fresh trainers.As Part Of An Athleisure LookWhenever comfort and coolness go hand-in-hand, you can be sure that we’ll be enthusiastic cheerleaders. Such is the case with athleisure and, thanks to those clever menswear designers, you won’t run the risk of looking like you were too lazy to change out of your gym gear.Jaeger’s head of menswear, James Jee, says: “Gone are the days of the baggy, oversized logo-emblazed hoodie. Fabrics are softer and heavier — a sign of a better yarn quality and a lot more of it. The fit is a little sharper and clean.”To go full athleisure, team a black hoodie with black, fitted joggers and slip on a pair of minimal leather sneakers. Done.Under A Leather JacketIf you’re not sold by the high-low mix (it’s not for everyone), then it’s okay to stick to more familiar territory. A leather jacket and hoodie combination is one of those low octane pairings that work well, season after season.Reiss head of menswear design, Alex Field, says: “Hoodies have dramatically improved in terms of quality and fit. Therefore, guys are looking to invest in well-fitting, well-made casual designs that can be worn in various situations. Whether that be to the gym or as part of a stylish off-duty look.”Using a black leather jacket and black or indigo jeans as the base, experiment with hoodies in different colours beneath your outerwear and combine with a pair of leather or suede Chelsea boots to smarten up this look.With TailoringIf you’re going to wear a hoodie with a suit or blazer, you’re channelling a “look” and will instantly mark yourself out as a card-carrying member of Club Menswear. That’s no reason not to give this high-low combination a whirl, though.As Giles Farnham, head of River Island’s Style Studio, points out: “Sure, a hoodie teamed with a pair of straight-leg jeans and sneakers is a tried and tested combination that just works. But if you’re looking to sharpen up, try layering under an unstructured suit for an outfit that rips up the traditional rule book.”To nail the sports-meets-suit look, try a mid-weight grey hoodie with a charcoal grey suit and choose white lace-up sneakers in place of your normal work shoes.With Tailored TrousersFor a slightly less committed way to mix smart and casual, a hoodie worn with a pair of smart trousers is your best bet. Again, it’s an easy way to avoid that dreaded overgrown adolescent territory.Head of menswear design at ASOS, Nick Eley, says: “We’re seeing a real move towards ‘high-low’ dressing, so team your hoodie with wider-leg trousers or a longer formal coat.”Get a grip on this look by opting for a neutral colour hoodie, then add a pair of trousers and sports luxe sneakers. If you’re feeling brave, try a little pattern on the bottom half, such as pinstripes or checks.General Hoodie GuidelinesDon’t dig out your old Linkin Park hoodie. You’re not an angst-ridden teenager, and it’s not the 2000s anymore.Look for pure cotton designs for optimum quality and longevity (bonus points for brushed cotton and loopback construction).Pullover designs typically look smarter than zip-up designs.Don’t chase the latest must-have hoodie if you want to get the most wear out of it. Instead, go for a timeless, versatile design in a colour that complements your existing wardrobe.A fitted hoodie is a good way to make sure you look sharp rather than sloppy.If in doubt, leave the logo. Flecks or mottled weaves are a good way to add interest.Unless you’re on campus, university hoodies are a no-go.Personalised comedy hoodies are always a fail.Over the age of 40? A hoodie in a luxe fabric worn with tailored separates will make sure you look suitably grown up.Key BrandsHigh StreetIf you’ve got too much month at the end of your money, the high street has plenty of decent entry-level options. Topman offers reasonably priced hoodies in practically every shade under the sun, as does Swedish mega-chain H&M with its sporty L.O.G.G. range.For something more pared-back for the gym, Uniqlo should be your first port of call. Looking to make more of a statement? Head straight to online giant ASOS, where you’ll find oversized and longline options that are ideal for reverse layering.Elsewhere, the styles turned out by Spanish fast-fashion kings Zara run the gamut from simple everyday throw-overs to designer brand ‘homages’ complete with cut-out sections and on-trend prints.StreetwearBy rights, streetwear hoodies should prioritise quality (heavyweight, pure cotton is a minimum) and performance over design. Despite this, among streetwear circles, the logo is everything.Hoodies by skateboarding brand Palace are excellent (if you can get your hands on one) for those who want to appear laid-back, while higher up the chain you’ll find Tokyo-based BAPE and cult New York firm Supreme, which both offer oversized streetwear hoodies with distinctly un-streetwear price tags.Of course, if you want the best, go to the OG. Champion’s Reverse Weave line, with its classic handwritten logo, has been to hoodies what Levi’s is to denim for almost 90 years. Subsequently, the American firm has inspired many other key names in the sector, including Carhartt, Stüssy and even Vetements.PremiumHigh-end hoodies are ideal for pairing with smarter pieces and often come in fabrics such as lambswool, cashmere and premium cotton for an addictively strokable wear.Bond-favourite label Sunspel is our tip for solid loopback construction, while fellow Brit brand Derek Rose and Italian firm Brioni are worth exploring if you’re looking for timeless designs in ultra-luxe materials.With more than 200 years’ experience producing knitwear, it’s little wonder that Derbyshire-based John Smedley’s simple merino wool zip-ups are some of the best on the market. Though more surprising is Suitsupply’s 100 per cent cashmere offerings, which come in at less than £150.Having made their names in sportswear, collections from designers like John Elliot, Alexander Wang and Neil Barrett are also rarely without an elevated version of the loungewear essential. Source link

source https://www.kadobeclothing.store/how-to-wear-a-hoodie-in-5-modern-ways/

[topicprinter]

So one of my clients recently went bust and we all lost our jobs.My assignment for most of the year was doing research via public and (some) private data sources, on specific tactics startups use to grow their email lists.I have more than 50 case studies, including scraped traffic data, employee interviews, internal screenshots, acquisition funnels, etc. (see below)I'm wondering:1) Can I get sued by my client for sharing my work? It's mostly public info, however I did the work on client time. Client is now bankrupt—I had no formal contract and lost $2k on an unpaid invoice.2) Are these of interest to you guys? First one below, hopefully I've provided enough value to not get shunned. Thinking I'll send one per week via email since they take a bit of writing, if you want more sign up here. (yes, this will be an email list about email lists, the inception of all email lists).If enough ppl are interested I'd like to turn it into a IndieHackers/StarterStory for email lists.​Forensic list growth study #1: The HustleEmail list size: 1.3 million | Age: 4 years | Frequency: Daily | Content: tech/business news0-1k subs - Tactics:Founders exported their Linkedin contacts and sent cold emails asking to join.Started writing blog posts at 1 per week with request for sign up at bottom. Resource intensive, low return at first.Created sharable infographics on famous entrepreneurs, does okay on facebook but doesn't convert to newsletter sign-ups. Abandoned strategy.Misstep: Scraped a student database of 15,000 email addresses and cold emailed asked them to join. "...waste of time...did not work."1k-10k subs - Tactics:Hit 10k email subscribers via reddit posts (that have content in the body but link out to full length blog posts), following this viral formula:[morally suspect stunt/experiment in the real world] + [trending topic in a niche sub] = Reddit HitApproximately 1 out 10 posts become hits.Example: Plagiarized a romance novel to game Amazon ebook rankings and posted an article with the inflammatory results to writing subsDid no-cost newsletter partnerships with bigger brands (you share mine, I'll share yours), ie. like MensHealth.KEY INSIGHT: Increased frequency of emails from 2/week to every day, ironically found it increased open rates10k-60k subs - Tactics:Started a referral program for new subscribers (physical swag is unlocked at each bonus level). Placed the referral form directly on the success page after users sign up--and inside every single email they send.KEY INSIGHT: Inside the referral form, users were allowed to upload their entire address book in one click.Less than 1% of users refer at first, but those that do average near 25 referralsMore blog success on reddit following viral formula. Tried Reddit voting rings to boost performance on reddit at first, but the success is mostly organic. Hits include, "Microdosing LSD for 14 days" and "living off Soylent for 30 days" (all fit into the formula above)Able to optimize squeeze page (sign up page) via testing now that site has some trafficTests reveal a sign up page with one sentence and a single input form converts best. No asking for first names, no social proof, no sample newsletter, no bonus ebook. Removed double opt-in.60k-250k subs - Tactics:Move off Mailchimp and onto an API based solution, eventually dedicated IPStart monetizing subscribers via native ads (written by The Hustle team in their tone, NOT banner ads), CPM's in the $40-$60 range. Daily open rates at 40% at this time. Click-thru rate on ads is in the range of 3-6%. Toptal is first advertiser.Note: The 2-3 person sales team required for consistently filling a daily ad slot at premium CPMs means you need at least some fundingCo-founder Sam Parr does many interviews with indie entrepreneurship/growth marketing media outlets (target audience). Most seem to be in the range of about 10-50k listeners/readers. I'd guess these reach roughly 300,000-500,000 people in total, of which 20% convert to subscribers.Backlinks from viral hits & interviews help raise domain authority and elevate all other posts from the blog in Google Search.Organic search traffic steadily growing, but blog visitors convert at low numbers (under 4%).250k-1.3mil subs - Tactics:Gets less interesting from here, and less relatable to the rest of usAd sales and longer-term data on churn allows for calculation of reader LTV. Gives target for acquisition cost via paid ads (read Peter Thiel for more on this)Begin running HEAVY paid ads on Facebook, some twitter, some outbrain (see screenshots of ad evolution).KEY INSIGHT: Facebook allows uploading your email list to find a "lookalike" audience. Leveraging existing subscribers to find new ones becomes easy as pie.Facebook ads allow for a demographic shift from mostly men to more women—which is more favorable for advertisers(insight: women are hard to reach organically via reddit and tech blogs/podcasts)​GOING DEEP: ESTIMATED NUMBERSReferral program: Responsible for roughly 15% of overall compound growthOrganic vs. Paid Growth: Mostly organic up to 200k-ish subs, 70-90% of growth driven by Facebook ads after thatPaid subscriber acquisition cost: $4-5 per user via Facebook ads but rising (tested via lookalike audience)Subscriber value: Roughly $1/month (take $50-250 CPMs x 24 letters per month @ 40% open rate x 2-3% monthly churn)Viral coefficient: Not even close to 1 on the referral program, so this would not be considered a true "viral" growth story by investors.​PLATFORMS & TOOLS[Also have info on platforms and tools used but have left this out to avoid people thinking I'm trying to sell something]

[yesterdaysdreams]

Our Pea Gravel Patio, Garden Lights, & Your Other Backyard Questions Answered

The sheer number of questions we got on this instagram post made it clear that we haven’t kept you sufficiently updated in the backyard department. We’ve had some MAJOR changes – including hiring out some professional landscaping, which was the best backyard warranty we ever bought into (you can hear more on why two DIYers would outsource backyard planting in this podcast about it). And with some more major backyard changes on the agenda – and so many of you guys saying “wait, when did that happen?! How do you like that?! How did you do that?!” – we thought it was a good time to get everyone caught up.

Update 1: Removing The Deck

Your last memory of our backyard might look something like this, with a giant deck spanning the back of the house.

Well, as we detailed in a podcast way back in June of 2017 (Episode #51: Why We Want To Tear The Deck Off Our House) we had fallen out of love with our deck. For one, it was quickly deteriorating. It was already on its last legs when we stripped and stained it after moving in, and that proved to be only a temporary improvement. The wood continued to degrade, nails constantly popped, and boards kept curling and warping.

Plus, with our kids past the age where the fenced deck helped “corral” them – the deck started to feel more like a jail that kept us all from seeing and enjoying the grassy backyard. So last fall we paid a local handyman to help us rip that thing off the house.

We talked more about this in Episode #67, but the removal left lots of mess in its wake. We had to have our HVAC company out to move the air conditioning unit closer to the house (it had been next to the deck), our electrician came out to tidy up some of the wires, and our tree guy finally ground the giant stump that had been lurking under the deck. Oh, and we powerwashed the brick to get rid of all that green slime that bounced off the degrading deck and stuck to the house…

By Halloween-ish last year, we had a fresh, clean slate to start from (this is before we power-washed, so don’t mind that greenish deck scum):

Update 2: Getting Professional Landscaping

After a few failed attempts at growing lush screening plants around the perimeter of our backyard ourselves, we were tired of pouring money into plants that lasted right outside the warranty period, only to die on us. So we decided to call in the big guns. A neighbor recommended a local nursery because their program includes a free landscape plan if you buy plants from them, which they then dig in professionally so that they can – and this was the deal sealer – give them a complete 2-year warranty! If anything dies you don’t even have to dig it up and treck it back to the store – they come out and replace it for you – completely free of charge. It was the plant insurance policy that we desperately needed.

Here’s what our backyard looked like shortly after we moved in (we planted all of the grass ourselves over the course of a few years):

And here it was last November after the crew finished planting some screening plants around the perimeter. It’s basically a mix of perennials that will grow and provide some nice privacy (mostly holly trees and ligustrum) and some ornamental trees and shrubs for some color/beauty (a weeping cherry, a gingko, and two new Japanese maples).

Relying on landscaping pros has been one of the best decisions we’ve made lately. Not only was it a crazy amount of labor that they tackled in just a day and a half (would have taken us a solid week!), but the “insurance policy” has already paid off. We’ve had seven bushes replaced (yes, SEVEN!), including one of the large hollies after they didn’t survive the harsher-than-usual bomb-cyclone winter we had. Plus they’ve been able to advise us on our deer and pest issues (we recently had a Japanese beetles scare) over email. Basically, they’re the only reason we didn’t just spin our wheels for another year and waste a ton of money on plants that later gave up the ghost.

The landscaping still has a long way to go until it looks full and provides the privacy we’re going for (in the winter the large trees drop leaves and it still feels somewhat bare), but we’re excited that things seem to be “taking” and the plants that were replaced have all thrived this second time around. Barring any insane winter again next year we think they’ll do just fine. And the warranty RESTARTS whenever they replant something, so those 7 new bushes are guaranteed for another two years from the day they went into the ground. It’s a pretty amazing program.

Update 3: The Gravel Patio

This got the most questions on that Instagram photo “Tell me more about that pea gravel patio! How do you like it? How did you do it?!” Sherry and I were surprised by the interest because it was kind of a throwaway decision.

Eventually we’d like to put a nice big stone patio there – maybe pavers or maybe something more like slate or bluestone to mimic the darker tile in our raised sunroom area. Either way, we’ve decided to hold off on installing it because we want the ground to fully settle. If you’ve ever had a tree die or a stump ground, you know the area sometimes sinks afterwards as the roots underground decay, so we didn’t want to rush into a patio that later sunk into the ground and got all uneven. The only issue was that the existing area was just dirt and mulch after we ripped off the deck, and we didn’t want to live with a mud pit out back while we waited the year or so for those roots to settle.

So while the landscapers were there last November doing everything else, we asked if they could haul in some basic pea gravel (like this) to fill the area. It was less than $100 for the entire thing!!!  And we should be able to reuse it as a paver base for the eventual patio. We didn’t ask them to do this, but before dumping and spreading it, they dug out the area about 2 inches shallower around the two edges that meet the grass – which helps the gravel stay contained to that area. It really doesn’t travel very much at all thanks to that trench that holds the rocks in.

There’s no sort of weed barrier or anything under it, but we don’t have much of an issue (weeds that grow on top of all that rock can easily be yanked out – and there aren’t many). Even though it’s just a temporary solution, we are happy to shout from the rooftops that we don’t hate it! My main peeve is that it’s slightly annoying to move your patio chair when you’re sitting in it (it kinda of drags and gets stuck) but that might be solved by having the stone fully tamped down – ours was just kind of thrown and raked – and it is pretty thick. So maybe a less deep layer of gravel would actually make that easier?

The happy accident is how much the new pea gravel matches this old aggregate path that leads to the patio area – which is nice because it doesn’t look as choppy as it could have (Burger is basically laying on the edge where the pea gravel meets that path). We’ll eventually replace the old path with a stone one that matches the new patio, but for now it’s not too bad.

So will we keep the pea gravel patio longterm? Nope, we’d like a hardscaped patio. But that doesn’t mean we don’t think it’s a great option – especially if you’re trying to save funds! We actually considered doing it at the beach house! It’s just probably better suited for patios where you’re not moving the furniture a lot (think fire pit, picnic table, or lounge area with a stationery couch).

Update 4: Hanging Garden Lights

Even though our patio isn’t in its final form, Sherry couldn’t resist the siren song of an extra long strand of garden string lights.

It’s kind of an awkward space because we don’t have too many available anchor points, but we discovered through trial-and-error that one 48-foot strand would do the trick.

We originally tried two strands, swagging it from three points on the covered sunroom – but it was looking too clumped on the other side where we only have one anchor point (the one I’m touching in the photo below). So it took us an hour or so to figure out that two strands that converge at that point were the best configuration.

To attach them we just screwed some white cup hooks directly into our wood siding and then looped the cords over them. The hooks aren’t technically outdoor hooks, so we’ll see how they weather – but the white blended nicely and I’m hoping the vinyl sheath discourages rust. For now, everything is plugged into a white extension cord that runs unceremoniously down to an outlet in our sunroom.

Eventually we want to tidy up the plug situation (right now there’s lot of excess extension cord) and maybe get a smart switch or something that will allow us to keep them plugged in all the time. But for the time being it’s not too cumbersome or too ugly. Heck, it’s hardly noticeable in these photos!

So hopefully that answered most of your burning backyard questions. We’ve turned most of our focus to the beach house backyard for the rest of the summer (apart from making sure to keep our plants here alive and uneaten!) so stay tuned for updates on that!

P.S. Did you know that we send out what basically ends up being a bonus blog post each week?! Sign up for our free weekly emails to get them delivered right to your inbox. Sherry loves putting them together for you, so thanks to everyone who already signed up! 

*This post contains affiliate links*

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Our Pea Gravel Patio, Garden Lights, & Your Other Backyard Questions Answered

The sheer number of questions we got on this instagram post made it clear that we haven’t kept you sufficiently updated in the backyard department. We’ve had some MAJOR changes – including hiring out some professional landscaping, which was the best backyard warranty we ever bought into (you can hear more on why two DIYers would outsource backyard planting in this podcast about it). And with some more major backyard changes on the agenda – and so many of you guys saying “wait, when did that happen?! How do you like that?! How did you do that?!” – we thought it was a good time to get everyone caught up.

Update 1: Removing The Deck

Your last memory of our backyard might look something like this, with a giant deck spanning the back of the house.

Well, as we detailed in a podcast way back in June of 2017 (Episode #51: Why We Want To Tear The Deck Off Our House) we had fallen out of love with our deck. For one, it was quickly deteriorating. It was already on its last legs when we stripped and stained it after moving in, and that proved to be only a temporary improvement. The wood continued to degrade, nails constantly popped, and boards kept curling and warping.

Plus, with our kids past the age where the fenced deck helped “corral” them – the deck started to feel more like a jail that kept us all from seeing and enjoying the grassy backyard. So last fall we paid a local handyman to help us rip that thing off the house.

We talked more about this in Episode #67, but the removal left lots of mess in its wake. We had to have our HVAC company out to move the air conditioning unit closer to the house (it had been next to the deck), our electrician came out to tidy up some of the wires, and our tree guy finally ground the giant stump that had been lurking under the deck. Oh, and we powerwashed the brick to get rid of all that green slime that bounced off the degrading deck and stuck to the house…

By Halloween-ish last year, we had a fresh, clean slate to start from (this is before we power-washed, so don’t mind that greenish deck scum):

Update 2: Getting Professional Landscaping

After a few failed attempts at growing lush screening plants around the perimeter of our backyard ourselves, we were tired of pouring money into plants that lasted right outside the warranty period, only to die on us. So we decided to call in the big guns. A neighbor recommended a local nursery because their program includes a free landscape plan if you buy plants from them, which they then dig in professionally so that they can – and this was the deal sealer – give them a complete 2-year warranty! If anything dies you don’t even have to dig it up and treck it back to the store – they come out and replace it for you – completely free of charge. It was the plant insurance policy that we desperately needed.

Here’s what our backyard looked like shortly after we moved in (we planted all of the grass ourselves over the course of a few years):

And here it was last November after the crew finished planting some screening plants around the perimeter. It’s basically a mix of perennials that will grow and provide some nice privacy (mostly holly trees and ligustrum) and some ornamental trees and shrubs for some color/beauty (a weeping cherry, a gingko, and two new Japanese maples).

Relying on landscaping pros has been one of the best decisions we’ve made lately. Not only was it a crazy amount of labor that they tackled in just a day and a half (would have taken us a solid week!), but the “insurance policy” has already paid off. We’ve had seven bushes replaced (yes, SEVEN!), including one of the large hollies after they didn’t survive the harsher-than-usual bomb-cyclone winter we had. Plus they’ve been able to advise us on our deer and pest issues (we recently had a Japanese beetles scare) over email. Basically, they’re the only reason we didn’t just spin our wheels for another year and waste a ton of money on plants that later gave up the ghost.

The landscaping still has a long way to go until it looks full and provides the privacy we’re going for (in the winter the large trees drop leaves and it still feels somewhat bare), but we’re excited that things seem to be “taking” and the plants that were replaced have all thrived this second time around. Barring any insane winter again next year we think they’ll do just fine. And the warranty RESTARTS whenever they replant something, so those 7 new bushes are guaranteed for another two years from the day they went into the ground. It’s a pretty amazing program.

Update 3: The Gravel Patio

This got the most questions on that Instagram photo “Tell me more about that pea gravel patio! How do you like it? How did you do it?!” Sherry and I were surprised by the interest because it was kind of a throwaway decision.

Eventually we’d like to put a nice big stone patio there – maybe pavers or maybe something more like slate or bluestone to mimic the darker tile in our raised sunroom area. Either way, we’ve decided to hold off on installing it because we want the ground to fully settle. If you’ve ever had a tree die or a stump ground, you know the area sometimes sinks afterwards as the roots underground decay, so we didn’t want to rush into a patio that later sunk into the ground and got all uneven. The only issue was that the existing area was just dirt and mulch after we ripped off the deck, and we didn’t want to live with a mud pit out back while we waited the year or so for those roots to settle.

So while the landscapers were there last November doing everything else, we asked if they could haul in some basic pea gravel (like this) to fill the area. It was less than $100 for the entire thing!!!  And we should be able to reuse it as a paver base for the eventual patio. We didn’t ask them to do this, but before dumping and spreading it, they dug out the area about 2 inches shallower around the two edges that meet the grass – which helps the gravel stay contained to that area. It really doesn’t travel very much at all thanks to that trench that holds the rocks in.

There’s no sort of weed barrier or anything under it, but we don’t have much of an issue (weeds that grow on top of all that rock can easily be yanked out – and there aren’t many). Even though it’s just a temporary solution, we are happy to shout from the rooftops that we don’t hate it! My main peeve is that it’s slightly annoying to move your patio chair when you’re sitting in it (it kinda of drags and gets stuck) but that might be solved by having the stone fully tamped down – ours was just kind of thrown and raked – and it is pretty thick. So maybe a less deep layer of gravel would actually make that easier?

The happy accident is how much the new pea gravel matches this old aggregate path that leads to the patio area – which is nice because it doesn’t look as choppy as it could have (Burger is basically laying on the edge where the pea gravel meets that path). We’ll eventually replace the old path with a stone one that matches the new patio, but for now it’s not too bad.

So will we keep the pea gravel patio longterm? Nope, we’d like a hardscaped patio. But that doesn’t mean we don’t think it’s a great option – especially if you’re trying to save funds! We actually considered doing it at the beach house! It’s just probably better suited for patios where you’re not moving the furniture a lot (think fire pit, picnic table, or lounge area with a stationery couch).

Update 4: Hanging Garden Lights

Even though our patio isn’t in its final form, Sherry couldn’t resist the siren song of an extra long strand of garden string lights.

It’s kind of an awkward space because we don’t have too many available anchor points, but we discovered through trial-and-error that one 48-foot strand would do the trick.

We originally tried two strands, swagging it from three points on the covered sunroom – but it was looking too clumped on the other side where we only have one anchor point (the one I’m touching in the photo below). So it took us an hour or so to figure out that two strands that converge at that point were the best configuration.

To attach them we just screwed some white cup hooks directly into our wood siding and then looped the cords over them. The hooks aren’t technically outdoor hooks, so we’ll see how they weather – but the white blended nicely and I’m hoping the vinyl sheath discourages rust. For now, everything is plugged into a white extension cord that runs unceremoniously down to an outlet in our sunroom.

Eventually we want to tidy up the plug situation (right now there’s lot of excess extension cord) and maybe get a smart switch or something that will allow us to keep them plugged in all the time. But for the time being it’s not too cumbersome or too ugly. Heck, it’s hardly noticeable in these photos!

So hopefully that answered most of your burning backyard questions. We’ve turned most of our focus to the beach house backyard for the rest of the summer (apart from making sure to keep our plants here alive and uneaten!) so stay tuned for updates on that!

P.S. Did you know that we send out what basically ends up being a bonus blog post each week?! Sign up for our free weekly emails to get them delivered right to your inbox. Sherry loves putting them together for you, so thanks to everyone who already signed up! 

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