#but Russian books are way too expensive nowadays for that

[waugh-bao]

[darkdevasofdestruction]

The Idiot ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky

In which the reader is the last Russian princess from our contemporary times and Fyodor is there to watch, observe, analyse and write a novel while being the reader’s sort of guardian/mentor, all while reader finds herself in an impossible, almost-Anna Karenina-like situation that drives her to desperate decisions.

And yes, I’m very much basing this story Dostoevsky’s “The Idiot” novel, Tolstyi’s “Anna Karenina” and Katyusha, both the Russian song, and the “Resurrection” novel from Tolstoy that has Katyusha as an unfortunate, yet important character.

Also, a little nod to our dear Ana Lesko for her song “Anicyka Maya”, which will serve as a cute little nickname for our dear reader, although the song is Romanian, and it’s about a seductive woman. 

Other nicknames will include: Kiska ( kitten ), Zaika ( bunny ), Kroshka ( little one ), Krasotka ( gorgeous ).

I’m not Russian, I don’t know about Russia’s culture, history and language as much as I know about my own, obviously, but as ex-commie & ex-USSR, we still have a shit ton of similarities. Nevertheless, I will try not to get into too many details that will compromise authenticity.

Luxury, glamour, wealth, gold, jewellery, diamonds, class, facades, masks, masquerades, social gatherings, lies, marriages, politics, horses, deals, gambling... These represent some of the few words people from everywhere around would describe the royal family.

Why do some still exist, anyway? Shouldn’t they have just completely disappeared at the same time with the Romanov family? ...Stupid cartoon movies and their resurrection of Anastasia...

Nobody truly cares about these rich rats who worked naught for their wealth, and would never understand the struggle and poverty of the normal citizens of Russia...They just live in their abnormally huge palace, having more servants than the population of Moscow and eat at one meal more than normal people do in one week altogether.

How utterly ridiculous.

Their lives are all perfect, they marry themselves to keep that ridiculous purity and their infinite wealth in the family...How atrocious!  What about charity? Kindness? Altruism? Helping out the common folk?

All these thoughts, and you’d think a very bitter and vindictive, very poor and malicious person came up with, and yet, the reality was rather distorted. 

From the top stair of the palace, in a dark room, sitting on the windowpane, a gorgeous young woman cast her dull eyes over the snowy city and the people hurrying down the roads, hoping to go home before it got too late and cold.

Maybe they were poor and hateful, and rightfully so, she’d say, but perhaps they can also be deemed happier, if they can take into account their freedom...As much as the government provides them, at least - Yet even so, even the poorest person held more freedom than this caged bird, forever trapped and shackled by fate from the second she was born...As if she had any choice, that is.

Perhaps she deserves this treatment, this hatred, this...Manipulation from her own family, who only see her as a political and financial pawn, planning her marriage from the second she first cried into this world... Like a martyr, she will accept all torture and live on, never knowing what ‘living’ truly means, only imagining it by reading all day and all night long, or when she plays the piano one of the many songs she learnt.

As the grandfather clock rang to 7 times to announce dinner time, Y/N dressed in a simple, yet elegant dress, put on a pair of classy black stiletto shoes, and went down to the luxurious dining room, sitting in her usual seat, only for a brunet stranger dressed in white to grace the sight with his unexpected presence.

She didn’t dare speak to him, yet her eyes couldn’t leave his form, no matter how her meek demeanour made her hung her head to avoid showing anything other than her demure expression.

Thankfully, her parents arrived, along with the waiters that served the food, so it saved some of the awkwardness of the unknown.

“Y/N, darling, this man here is Fyodor Dostoevsky. He is here as a writer, wanting to learn more about us and about people in general. As a compromise, he agreed to be your personal guard...Considering the other one was a sacrilege to our dear daughter...What a lecherous man, making advances on you...But, anyway, let us toast to the success of this young man’s writing career!” the mother raised her champagne, and the four of them clinked glasses. “I thank you for the unique opportunity to learn and understand society and people better. May you live a long and prosperous life.” this new stranger held a charming smile on his face, trying to impress and buy everyone’s trust. “Do you have yet any idea about the theme of your novel? Or, perhaps an idea for a title?” the father asked, making the brunet shake his head softly. “No, not yet, unfortunately. I prefer to study hard, and only then, when I am educated enough, to allow the flow of creation to take over me.” this Fyodor nodded in acknowledgement, while the girl kept completely silent for the duration of the dinner, waiting for everything to be over so she could escape back to the little faux haven she created and called ‘safe’. “Y/N, show Mr. Fyodor to your room, he will be sleeping there for now on. The butlers already brought a spare bed there, so it’s alright.” the mother waved her hand dismissively, and the girl could only bow quickly and go back to her room, making sure to point out what each of the rooms represent, before reluctantly inviting him to her bedroom. “Please, make yourself at home, Mr. Dostoevsky. I hope it will be comfortable and to your liking. Should you need anything, please do not hesitate to tell me so we can make your stay as great as possible.” she spoke to him in a soft, meek voice, not daring to make eye contact in any way. “Call me Fyodor, no need for formalities. We are going to room together, might as well become friendly. What don’t you tell me about yourself? Your hobbies, your interests, your dreams, your aspirations.” the brunet paced around the room, observing all of her personal objects, which, turned out, except for jewellery, books, a small, pink Gloxinia, and a pickup with 1920s British vinyls, there was nothing to represent her...Which was, in its own way, an intriguing peculiarity. “I...Like reading, flowers, music...And I wish I could get a dog and learn how to play the violin too. There aren’t many interesting things about me...I’m not special or anything out of the ordinary. I am not allowed to put myself out there in any way, so this is the little I could do to express who I am.” so tried to be as vague as possible, fidgeting on her feet uncomfortably, knowing that the punishment for embarrassing the family would be grave, should it be known. “Hmmm...I see, I see...Ah, you’re a Tolstoy reader, I see. Anna Karenina...Very interesting, yet tragic, wouldn’t you say?” he asked, picking up a book that was supposed to be hidden. “N-No! Don’t take that out of there...Nobody can know I have it. I was strictly forbidden from reading it...Please don’t tell anyone I have this book.” the princess snatched the book from his hands, hiding it further back in the bookshelf. “Ohh~? Why would you not be allowed to read a Russian book? You’d think the Russian princess would be urged to read Russian literature.” he stepped in front of her, picking her chin and raising her head slightly to allow him to look deep into her fawn-like eyes. “Because of the ending...And the controversial decisions Anna made, some of them even contradictory to her own beliefs, and yet, she made her own decisions, at some point in her life. When your fate is decided from before you are born, having opinions is the worst enemy of a puppeteer...Wouldn’t you agree?” she muttered, walking away from him, taking her nightgown and walking towards her bathroom.

This made the man think more about how dysfunctional this supposed perfect royal family actually was. The illusion of a flawless individual, living together, forming a flawless family, a flawless life, in a flawless palace. 

Perhaps facades aren’t as obvious to see through, or understand, for while the parents are completely bland...This girl...So much potential locked away in a timid chest of massive oak wood, embellished with overly expensive jewellery, clearly unwanted. She could be a genius, shining in her happiness, glowing like her dazzling smile, and yet, there she is, eclipsed by chaff, when she could be burning brighter than the morning Sun.

Those parents of hers think he wants to be here and get dazzled by the infinite stream of diamonds that keep flowing around the whole place - And yet, perhaps they are the ones living in mental poverty, considering they believe financial wealth and fame is the sole reason for being alive - To uphold a certain kind of status that they worked naught for, but received hereditary, from one lazy deadbeat to yet another generation of useless people for this society.

They truly are like the plague, incredibly rare nowadays, but completely fatal once you fall grasp to their dark claws that drag you to hell to succumb to their completely fictional utopian world that they create only amongst themselves, as if whatever lives beyond these golden walls is putrid and deserves to rot to pieces.

As his mind wandered farther and farther away down the country, snowy roads he created with his own imagination of thoughts, he heard the bathroom door softly open, and the angelic creature garbed in a thin - Possibly silk, snow white nightgown - Stepped back into their now shared room, and just as before, her demeanour resembled that of a small, frightened fawn, or a bunny.

When you have to deal with such a pure being that could completely shatter, it’s difficult not to impulsively break down all walls around and snatch her away - It’s close to impossible not to attempt to test all existing boundaries and see the limits where she would break...Or, almost, at least. 

However, abstinence makes for a great suspense and greed...You want more...And more...And the more you wait, the harder it is to resist, but the satisfaction you get when the frail creature trusts you enough to eat from your own palm, and you finally claim it as yours...

It’s Heavenly.

“Sweet Dreams, Fyodor.” she spoke softly, putting on a Tchaikovsky vinyl and picking up a book, getting in bed and reading it, the only light still open being a dim lantern on her nightstand. “How would you like to show me around the city tomorrow?” the brunet asked so casually that it shocked the girl enough to drop her book on her lap. “O-Oh...U-Uhmm...I’m not exactly to go out of this place unless it’s for Christmas shopping...I’m sorry I can’t properly do as you wish...” she quickly took her book back, hiding her face to hide her embarrassment and disappointment. “Well, then, what a gorgeous coincidence, isn’t it? In barely two months, Christmas shall come, and then, you can properly show me around, correct?” the man mused, the ghost of a smirk playing on his face. “..You’re right! My, you’ll get to see the beautiful fairy light and Christmas decorations all around the city! I can’t believe it, you truly chose the perfect time to come here. Oh, and, the ballet, the opera and the national orchestra are going to perform...I believe The Nutcracker is going to play this year...And Traviata. It should be beautiful, don’t you agree?” Y/N asked with a soft smile on her face, sparks gleaming in her eyes, and for the first time since he’s met her, it felt like she was finally alive. “Yes, yes, I would have to agree. And if you are there with me, the experience will be even better.” he hummed, teasing the poor girl who had no idea what else to say to such bold affirmations. “O-Oh...W-Well...Th-Thank you...I-I think...Your presence there will also make the going out more interesting...And nice.” she offered a comeback that pleased the man well enough. “Good night to you as well, Printsessa.”

What a lovely young woman, he thought, as he closed his eyes and let his mind fly at different aspects of life and of humanity, trying to decipher each and every person he met that day and wondering if his assumptions were correct, as they always are.

Morning came by faster than expected as a shy ray of of Sun creeped inside the room through the window, but Fyodor was already awake, writing at the desk rather rapidly - Most likely, he had some inspiration hitting him, so he proceeded to pour out his conflicting thoughts on the paper, all while stealing a peek from time to time at the girl sleeping peacefully, almost as if she was a Disney Princess.

The way the soft light caressed her face had him take the stray streak of h/c hair and pull it back so it won’t tickle her awake, while also being allowed to watch her peacefully inhale and exhale, a small smile on her face...Perhaps she was having a beautiful dream? Was that why she told him to have sweet dreams? Were her dreams her only lovely escape from this horrible reality she was forced to live in?

There were so many mysteries yet to be unveiled, but all in due time, as Fyodor noticed the gentle flutter of her lashes, and with a grace only reserved to a Swan Princess, she raised and stretched with a sweet hum, and the brunet man watched as his eyes felt absolutely blessed seeing such a beauty...

If people complained that Disney Princesses weren’t relatable, since they have messy hair when they wake up, just like Anna, they clearly haven’t seen how perfect Y/N looks, even as she blinks her sleepiness away.

“I see you slept well, Printsessa. Good morning.” she heard him speak, and she noticed it wasn’t as en garde and...It almost seemed...Pleased to see her. “Fyodor...You woke up before me. You should have woke me up. Please wake me up next time, I wouldn’t want you to feel lonely or upset. This place is like a piranha tank...Thread carefully, otherwise, you’re like a little animal who fell in.” she quickly got up, rushing through her daily routine so she could be by his side, not only because her parents assigned her to that, but also because this Dostoevsky man is the only little thing that could rip her out of her completely dull routine and show her a little bit of insight into what could be something out of her imagination entirely. “Aww, the little songbird wishes to spend time with me, how adorable. Very well, Printsessa, what is it that you want to do today? My job here is to observe and write, after all.” he asked, crossing one leg over the other, resting his chin on his fist, watching her with intense interest. “Oh, well, I have to practice the piano today, but other than that, I have nothing in my schedule.” she explained, guiding him to the music room that very much resembled a whole orchestra surrounding a place - Not too small, yet not too big either - Meant for ballroom dancing. “I bet the national orchestra isn’t as fancy as this place is.” he mused, walking up to the cello and tracing his fingertips across the chords. “...Do you know how to play it?” she asked, walking up to him, having the curiosity of a baby fawn exploring the world. “Would you like to hear?” he asked, sitting on the chair and expertly hugging the cello, he grabbed the bow and teased the girl with a mischievous look in his gleaming purple eyes. “Oh, yes, please, if it’s not too much to ask! It would be absolutely splendid.” Y/N clasped her hands together, grinning widely as she stepped a few feet away to give him enough space so he could start playing. “It would be my pleasure, Printsessa.” and with the nod of his head, he started playing the famous Sugar plum fairy song, making the girl gasp in surprise at how gorgeous it sounded.

She crouched to reach the perfect eye view of the bow gliding along the chords, her mouth slightly agape and she gazed with absolute wonder, not even realising when the song was over, for she was much too mesmerised.

“Well, Printsessa, how did you like it?” he rested his arms on the curves of the cello, leaning forwards for a better look at her. “That was better than even our national cello player! It was absolutely stunning, woaw...Just...You left me speechless! You’re...You’re...You are...Perfectly splendid!” she clapped for him rapidly and incredibly enthusiastic, making him chuckle in amusement at her cuteness. “Why, thank you, Printsessa. How about you entertain me now, little Anicyka Maya?” he carefully put the Cello in its place, stepping in front of her and caressing her porcelain skin, quenching his thirst for discovery by seeing her rosy cheeks. “Well...I can’t say I’m anywhere as great as you are...But, sure. I hope you will like it.” she looked down, fidgeting with her fingers as she hurried timidly to the piano, and taking a deep breath, cracking her fingers, she liter her fingers skillfully dance over the keys, as her voice followed every word of the song called “Katyusha”. However, she wasn’t expecting him to applaud and whistle to her, congratulating her for being such a beautiful nightingale. “You clearly underestimate your hard work and talent. Perhaps we should play together one day. I’m sure it would put a smile on your parents’ faces.” Fyodor bowed to kiss Y/N’s hand, only to hear the door opening. “Yes, Mr. Fyodor, we would quite like to hear the two of you dueting together. Since Y/N will have to perform both dance and a song at the piano, as a Christmas tradition, it will show how much she’s improved...If at all. I have to tell you the truth, Mr. Fyodor, over the past few years, she has been exceptionally disappointing...Well, perhaps you coming here will prove to give her a jolt in the right direction.” Y/N’s mother came out of nowhere in the music room, almost as if she was stalking the pair, and Fyodor could see how the Princess’ behaviour changed 180 degrees, and from the excitable and lively young girl, she went back to hide in her guarded shell, trying to protect herself from the numerous blows everyone throws her way.

And just as he expected, once they started playing, despite throwing in one or two intentional mistakes, while she had none of her own, the mother reprimanded her daughter, while praising him. He thought, at first, this was going to be some kind of tough love encouragement and determination she was trying to give the girl, but truly, it was nothing more than unrealistic dreams of an already flawless performance.

This family was nowhere close to being the perfect, or the most loving one, that was without a doubt. But being so horrible to your own daughter, humiliating her in front of a complete stranger, making her tremble softly while trying her best to keep herself from bursting into sobbing fits, was a whole different kind of cruel and unnecessary malice.

For some reason, Fyodor felt a certain kind of warmth in his chest...But not the same kind of warmth he feels when he is around Y/N, but something...Similar to fury. To rage. He was sure he never felt such a personal sort of offense, despite not being him that was belittled.

A terrifying sort of justice bubbled inside him, and he smirked, thinking about just one sole thing.

Crime and Punishment.

Fyodor hoped dearly that it would be only the maternal figure that was the problem, yet it seemed to be much worse, and the toxicity levels that kept vibing all over the place seemed to be equivalent to that of Chernobyl at the time of the explosion.

All throughout the week, he noticed the dirty looks all the staff was giving the Princess, possibly because she was being a shy and quiet pushover...But it went completely beyond his understanding how these servants would even dare be so rude to her, considering she is always so sweet to them, always forgives their mistakes and shares her whole allowance with them in equal parts...

But they complain it’s not enough. They complain others get more, or less, but clearly, they don’t care about that, they just want more and more money...They are greedy jackals who don’t care about the life or soul of a poor little lady who just wants to be happy...

But perhaps happiness isn’t meant for royalty.

A week until Christmas, and Fyodor was ready with the quick draft, and he left it on the desk for Y/N to read, and he couldn’t help but admire and drink in each and every emotion she would express on her lovely face with every word she read, every action, every chapter that stirred more and more conflicting feelings and thoughts battling together - Conflicts that she was trying so hard to hide, no doubt feeling his burning, hawk-like stare on her, analysing her as if she was a new specimen under a microscope.

She was great at hiding what she truly felt, yet her eyes betrayed her inner self, the sparkling of nostalgia and sadness crawling out, shrieking at the top of her lungs to be discovered and taken out of this well of darkness she was drowning in - She wanted to be saved, she was at her breaking point, and clearly, she was afraid. 

Afraid of life. Afraid of people. Afraid of her family. Afraid of this society. Afraid her own self. Afraid of her actions.

And most of all.

She was afraid of spiritual, mental and emotional imprisonment.

As Christmas approached with rapid footsteps, Fyodor could notice how Y/N stiffer, more silent, flinching more, keeping herself in check, alone, barely speaking to anyone...Clearly, she was being stressed out and afraid of the consequences of screwing up anything.

Perhaps, the problem here was the fatalist and completely out of her control destiny she was thrown in, and she knew from the very beginning that, no matter how flawless her performance was, she would still be reprimanded and punished, so she resigned herself to this kind of treatment...The same as every year.

“It’s so beautiful outside...And it’s snowing...! So soft and cold...It’s almost numbing you entirely, but the beauty of Christmas still melts down even the most frozen of hearts.” she spoke with such sadness dripping from her tongue, that Fyodor felt the need to take his fur hat and put it on her head before taking a hold of both of her hands, rubbing them together and kissing her knuckles. “It’s not the day or the decorations that are supposed to move a person, but the kindness and altruism of people. From what I’ve seen in the past weeks, the only consistency in this place is the beauty of your heart and the cruelty of everyone else that keep eclipsing you. You deserve better than this, kroshka.” the man spoke simply, waiting to see the way she’d react. “...I didn’t choose this life, nor did it choose me, yet here I am, trying to keep my head above the water in a whirlpool. I have all my life planned and written ahead of me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. From the very beginning, since before I was even born, they knew they will sell me out to some old, rich man, just so they could benefit, but they cared naught about my well-being, as long as I could keep him entertained in any way possible. The least I can do is try to enjoy the little things...Even if they are nothing more than just that...Little things.” she admits to him, taking away her hands and holding them to her chest, too afraid to trust her own heart. “You let the servants make a mockery out of your kindness. You let your family humiliate you in front of everyone. You let common folk bash you, even if you tip them greatly...Tell me, krasotka, have you read the draft to my book yet?” they continued to stroll down the cobbled streets, looking up at the snowflakes gently dancing in the light of the lamposts, as Fyodor carried most of her shopping bags that held Christmas gifts for everyone but herself. “Yes...I did...But I did not finish it. I was much too afraid to read the ending of it.” she nodded to him, biting her lip nervously. “Afraid? Why ever would you be afraid of reading some words made of ink on a piece of paper?” the man frowned in confusion and interest, hearing such a peculiarity of an answer. “Because...Because I know that Prince Myshkin actually represents me...And how life treats me...So I’m afraid the ending will hint to Anna Karenina’s ending...And I don’t want that. I don’t...That’s why I’m afraid...I’m scared that...I’m scared that I won’t be able to endure this madness anymore, and sooner, rather than later, I will shatter into an unrecognisable version of myself that not even I will decipher...And I will do scary things that I would otherwise be afraid of even thinking about. You know I read the book, I wouldn’t put it past you to tease me like that.” she smiled ironically, shaking her head to stop herself from shuddering at such a dreadful thought. “Congratulations, Printsessa, you are surely insightful. However, I must advise you to read it, and keep in mind that you are not entirely wrong in your thinking. While the ending isn’t identical to Tolstoy’s novel, it isn’t on the complete opposite spectrum either. What you read is one of the possible outcomes of your life, should you choose to remain a passive onlooker and let everyone control you, like a little, pretty doll. Should you, however, choose to take fate into your own hands and finally make your first choice of your life...I can promise you, you are going to be much happier.” Fyodor kissed her forehead before leading her back to the palace so she could take the day off...For tomorrow, she must perform.

But the author wasn’t lying, Y/N realised as she spent the last hours past curfew to finish the book, and she realised that while Myshkin didn’t kill himself, he was still dead inside, and just like the catatonic state he was stuck into, she has been living a life of complete comatose herself.  Fyodor was right all along - A life without choices is not a life, nor is it one without freedom and happiness - And maybe, for the first time in her life, she would make the most difficult decision the universe threw at her, and that was to choose between Duty and Happiness, something every royal member, especially women all over the world, who were seen as nothing more than political and decorative objects meant to create heirs and nothing more, had to pick, and dutifully chose to sacrifice themselves to keep the family and the nobility going.

But not anymore....

“You look beautiful today, my little zaika. This velvet colour of your dress, the way it highlights you stunning silhouette...And this jewellery...And your hair and make up...You are above and beyond the most beautiful person to ever grace this life. How are you going to enchant us today?” Fyodor pat down his white suit so he would look completely impeccable...Or, perfectly splendid, as Y/N would say. “Does it truly matter, in the end? Nobody but you will pay attention, and at the end of the day, I will only hear critiques. It’s the same every year, so there is no point in bothering to stand out, have any particularity or give a name. It just...Is. So...Let me get this over with so I can go to my room and pretend this day never happened...Again.” she muttered, hooking her arm to his, entering the big ballroom together.

A ton of people were there, not only family, but enough family ‘friends’, all of them incredibly rich, with a combined fortune great enough to buy the whole Russia somehow...And all eyes were on her. She didn’t mind. She was used to the nervousness and the either critical or lustful stares she received - But only during these kinds of events, and because she was a Princess, otherwise nobody would have cared about her existence or her feelings...

Nobody...Except for Fyodor.

Until the time of his arrival, nobody cared about her, nor did they bother trying to understand or talk to her, and yet, here he was, always by her side, and frankly, she fell in love with him. She, for the first time in her life, cared naught about everything surrounding her, and she thought solely about him and their time spent together. That is all that mattered to her.

So, with that in mind, and a warm heart, she performed the Waltz of Flowers flawlessly at the piano, along with a few other songs, adding some festive ones. Fyodor was absolutely captivated by the spells she put on people whenever she radiated with such pure gentleness, just like Christmas’ true angel.

Her fingers glided so gracefully over the keys, as she hummed along the music, not even bothering to look at the sheet, for she new everything by heart - But somehow, it all sounded even more magical than before, and nobody could tell why.

But Fyodor knew, and he smiled, figuring out her trick. And he was going to call her out for that when this whole charade was over.  But for now, he allowed himself to enjoy bathing in her radiating warmth, for she was shining brighter than the Sun itself.

By the time she finished her little repertoire, she did a pretty courtesy and walked to the man in the white suit, taking a glass of red wine and sipping from it, that gentle smile never leaving her face.

They exchanged no words, but there was no need for that, as the look in their eyes spoke more than anything else, and they danced the night away, together, in graceful and intimate waltzes, or swaying together, keeping their hearts glued together, beating in sync and feeling each other’s heat.

She might not have wanted to end up like Karenina, but she wasn’t too far away from her situation, and she knew very well, should she leave with this man, she was going to break down every rule, and find an identity for herself, after all these years.

But happiness is emphemeral in the life of a Princess, and just before the Christmas Ball ended, her parents dragged her to the table of this old man, so they would share gifts. This old man, who so happened to be the man chosen to be her future husband, and had fewer hairs on his head and teeth in his mouth than her age.

Most of the gifts were pretty basic - Jewellery for women, cigars, fedoras, watches for men...But for her...She received some of he oddest gifts so far - And yet, she thought life couldn’t surprise her anymore.

Several little outfits, fit for babies, were neatly folded in all boxes, sans one - The sole box being a small, velvet box, which revealed a sapphire ring that expressed the definite bond of marriage that must be officiated very soon, through papers and a church ceremony.

Frozen was the clock, frozen was the time, and frozen was life itself, for the shock was great - Being put on the spot is scarier than the anticipation and fear of venturing into the unknown - Yet here she was, with her supposed fossil of a husband, with several babies promised to be born, and a very angry author, watching the disgusting exchange of pleasantries between the elder people.

He noticed Y/N doing a little courtesy, excusing herself with a nervous smile, and rushing out of the ballroom, the clicks of her elegant heels giving away her location at all time. Following her, he saw her on the edge of the rood, barefoot, her back to the empty space, as she hummed, looking up at the clouds pouring snow, and swaying to her tippy toes occasionally.

“You sure like the feeling of being alive, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t be staying there after being faced with such a disgusting situation.” he pointed out, clasping his hands behind his back and carefully stepped towards her. “Life is full of surprises. But it is not called life, unless you have a say in the paths that you go down by. Today, I realised what I have to do in order to achieve true bliss and happiness...Something ethereal, although utopian in its quintessence. I have to make a choice. And right now, I’m making it.” she smiled, extending her arms to the side, resembling a Goddess, as a few stray tears streamed down her face - But they were tears of relief, not of fear, anxiety of depression. She was happy. “You said you didn’t want to choose the path of Karenina, nor of Myshkin, and yet, there you are, on the brink of death, as the way to show that you are no longer a caged bird. Is it truly worth it, in the end?” Fyodor asked, frowning at the delusional words she was spewing. “Death is but the beginning of a new adventure, and with me falling, I will find out what freedom is, unlike all the other Princesses before me. It is not death I’m choosing, nor will I regret it as soon as I step into this free fall hazard, like Karenina, and, as you can see, I chose to wake up from my catatonic state, unlike Myshkin. I know what awaits me as soon as I reach the ground...But do you?” Y/N hummed in amusement, watching the conflict painted all over his face - And it was for the first time that Fyodor showed such confusion and inner turmoil, that much was obvious to her. “Stop this, Y/N, I don’t understand your reasoning, but don’t kill yourse- “ but he couldn’t finish his sentence, for the girl uttered just a few words - Words that changed even the rotation of the Earth around the Sun - And as she pushed herself on the tips of her toes, she embraced the cold wind of Winter being her guide down to the ground, as she watched the snowflakes following her down.

And she smiled.

Because love won, and life won, and she knew she chose correct - These weren’t the times to choose everyone else over herself anymore, and nor is she a saint, a martyr, an angel, or some perfect Christian role model.  She was just a woman thirsting for happiness and for the tangible sensation of life and of flying, and with this jump, she got completely wasted.

The secure embrace of a white angel made sure she lived for another day, but not quite, for her guardian angel jumped to save her, yet had no idea himself that he wasn’t the only special one, after all, and just as they were going to reach the ground, time seemed to stop, and they reached the ground gracefully and softly, like two linked feathers.

She lay down on the crystal blanket of snow, laughing mirthfully, almost with a childlike charm, as her long hair was sprawled all over her, and Fyodor’s arms were fiercely holding her, and he looked down at her, his eyes wide in understanding.

“I didn’t choose death. I chose life. I chose love...I chose you, and I chose me. I knew you had an ability too, and that you were confident in it, so I was sure that, should you choose to, you could jump from the roof of the palace to save me - Which you did. I never really have the opportunity to use my ability, but it’s rather useful in some situations, if I can say so myself. So, by the way you’d respond to my feelings and actions, I’d know whether I chose right or not...I think we both know the answer now, don’t we?” she grinned mischievously, extending a hand to his face to caress it gently. “That’s the most idiotic, most reckless thing anyone has ever one...And yet, you strategised everything, as if we were pieces in a game of chess. How did you get the courage to reach such a conclusion?” his voice was low, like a murmur, trying to understand her impossible, labyrinthine mind. “Life offered me a Christmas gift today, and that was serendipity, so, I used it. Everything else was a perfect strategy of a game of chess I played myself - The White King versus the Black King - And, was far as my luck and the universe brought about, I believe I won. But you must still answer back, otherwise, the magic will vanish.” Fyodor noticed a smirk growing on her face - One that somehow resembled his, and he almost felt conflicted seeing her mimicking him in his demeanour, in a way...But he also felt incredibly proud. “I cannot take you with me, Y/N. The part I walk is dangerous, it could even be fatal, and I would rather you not walk down a boulevard of broken dreams. You just now achieved happiness, don’t throw it out of the window. It a world full of crimes, I choose to be both the justiciar and the executioner of the unworthy. In a world of crime, I shall inflict punishment upon the evil-doers and paint this world red with the blood of the guilty.” he wanted her, he truly didn’t want to leave without her, nor did he want to leave her alone, here, with these hyenas, but could he really have it in his heart to endanger her so? “Fyodor, my darling, it matters naught for me whether I live or die, as long as the journey is by your side, and I’m not shackled anymore. I want to see, I want to hear, I want to touch, I want to taste, I want to smell, I want to learn. Everything. Without exception. There is a whole world out there, open, waiting to be explored and unveiled, and I shall be its explorer. As long as I have you by my side, I will surely be fearless. Being a hero, being a villain, or anything in between is of no concern for me...However, I cannot deny that I would be rather...Interested in seeing you deliver the sentence down to...Some specific people.” she giggled, winking at him, as she obviously hinted towards her kin and the unlimited amount of gossips she has heard about so many people, over the years.

With a wide smirk on his face, Fyodor Dostoevsky helped Princess Y/N on her feet and gave her a passionate, fire-like kiss, before picking her up bridal style and making their way to her room, so she would start packing and leave at the earliest convenience.

There may still be a bit of official work to do at the palace, and as his ability is called, there is no crime without punishment, he was going to make sure of that. Until then, there was one thing certain, and one alone, that was going to guide the both of them to a path of exciting uncertainty and thrill.

“I love you, my dear Y/N.”

[le-dernier-soupir]

65 style tips (11-21)

11.     Elegant life is a chimera. - Precisely for this reason one should not even look for it, but just have it happen. An accident along the way, an obstacle to this vulgar society. A contradictio in terminis, life and elegance. Lunacy, a sort of heresy, an aporia. But it is the only path we want to tread!

12.     A man calling himself elegant, isn’t such. Modesty in an age of haughtiness. Modesty, kindness, lightheartedness. Never talk about yourself regardless of circumstances. Erase the “I” from all utterings. What defines us is how we are perceived. In the end, nobody can ever truly know anything.

13.     Wealth is elegance's foe. - Do you know any rich, elegant man? Quite rare. Unfortunately, for the past 30 years wealth and taste have not gone along any longer. There used to be mecenates, patrons, collectors. We have inherited magnificent villas, works of art, parks, collections of book. Nowadays, with some luck, there will be some used sports car, some diamond-clad watch, some kitsch resort with gilded faucets. Who are les nouveaux riches? Arabs, Americans, Russians, Asians. And Westerners squander everything on food, sex, and driving around on luxury cars. There is not one place where the shops aren't dominated by objects thought for that type of customer – an international one, yes, but tasteless and without sensitivity. Not even London, nowadays - which is nothing but a supermarket for Arabs.

14.     Being well dressed is one thing. Being elegant is another. Allure, poise, posture, cadence, language, eyes...Some things cannot be learnt. They can be improved. But either you inherit them from birth, or you cope with their absence.

15.     A well-dressed Man does whatever he wants, an elegant Man does what he can. Genius is something more and something less than talent, at the same time. A limit that highlights the rest. Orson Welles, Ingmar Bergman, Georges Simenon, Leonard Cohen, Lucien Freud, Pier Mondrian… Genius has nothing to do with skill, with boasting about one’s own ability. In day and age, everyone wants to show what they are – but never what they are NOT. Acrobats of nothingness, equilibrists of obviousness. Those I have mentioned showed us what they were not. In their want of something was their greatness. The way an elegant Man is always imperfect, and a well-dressed man indulges in irreprehensible details

16.     Dress according to your taste. As long as you have any. Do not imitate, I beg you, do not copy anyone! There are already too many photocopies around. Most of all, do not let tailors advise you! Tailors (should) master the technique. Not taste.

17.     Regarding clothing, the superfluous is the ultimate evil. When you are done getting dressed, admire yourself in the mirror, and you will notice something excessive, something too flashy that needs to be remedied. Elegance is like any of Simenon’s novels: direct, dry, moving.

18.     Any exhibitionism is bad taste. - You can see some individuals with their newly-made and ironed clothes, pretending to speak on the phone or showing off expensive watches, excessive bracelets, chains and scarves everywhere, with various brands on them. Man is not a mannequin. Man is not a woman. Showing is fine, but without exhibiting and boasting about purchasing power. Some of the most elegant men I know are often to be seen at flea markets. Always keep in in mind that elegance means choosing, not buying. And that the best the market has to offer is not what is right for the elegant man.

19.     An elegant Man is such in summer, too. In fact, summer is the ultimate trial of one’s elegance. It is in this sweaty season that the substance of all Men is shown, and poorly-dressed ones are exposed in all their randomness. Coloured shoes, flashy tones, indecent new fashions, brandmarks all over. If you want to make sure of someone’s sense of elegance, wait for July and see.

20.  Each context requires its own style. - The beauty of men's wear lies precisely in the possibility of choosing the most appropriate pieces for each context. Let us remember that even if we must never conform to the global barbarisation, it is just as inelegant to stand out too much from the context. A man of taste is always going to choose the right outfit to highlight his personality and not his clothes. Truthfulness, simplicity, and intelligence. An elegant man must be able to match any requirement with the same skill, just as a musician can perform scores which are very different from each other, or as an actor can perform both comedies and tragedies.

21.  Each age has its own attire.

A teenager in a pinstripe suit is just as ridiculous as a 70-year-old in a sweatshirt.

In summer it is not uncommon to see the following: a guy in his 60s, followed by one in his 40s, followed by kids in some city centre. All dressed the same! Their behaviour is likewise the same.

[etherealwaifgoddess]

Adapting

Summary: Bucky tries adapting to the 21st century but finds the challenge too much for him. He loves Steve, but he can’t imagine ever fitting in to the modern world and it leads him to a drastic solution.

Content Warning: A very sad Bucky. Very brief mention of period-typical homophobia. Overall this one is a little angsty but it has a happy ending, promise. 

Word Count: 2.3k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies, it’s been a while! I’ve been trying to get back into the groove of writing over the past few weeks and that posed more challenging than I’d expected. I managed to get this little fic where I wanted it though and figured I’d share it while I try to wrap up all the other stuff I’m working on. Hope you all enjoy :)  XOXO - Ash

Adapting

After a few months of living in the twenty-first century Bucky found he both loved and hated it in turns. When he’d been cleared as completely deprogrammed and sent home to the states he thought he couldn’t have been luckier. He was finally a free man, from both the government and the decades of brainwashing. Bucky was looking forward to living with Steve again in Brooklyn, the two of them on their own and free to do whatever it was super soldiers do in retirement when they’re not even thirty yet. The world was his oyster, he thought to himself as they signed the lease on a cute little condo right in the heart of their old neighborhood. 

The glamour of the twenty-first century faded quickly as Bucky tried to adjust to everyday life. Steve, who had been doing well on his own for four years, was eager to help Bucky acclimate to the new century. Unfortunately, Steve took to that as he did with all things; barreling in head first all at once. Bucky needed time to adapt, he couldn’t just throw himself at something and become good at it like Steve could. As much as he loved Steve, and god did he ever love that man, it was hard keeping up a brave face. Even harder, was that the love he’d felt for Steve back in the 30s hadn’t diminished one bit. 

When they were young being gay was a death sentence. Something so secretive that even back alley whispers could ruin a man’s life. Bucky had known he was gay since he knew what it was to want someone in that way. And like most things in Bucky’s life, it all came down to Steve freaking Rogers. The fine boned little blonde who never knew when to quit, his giant spirit housed in such a delicate frame. Bucky never acted on his feelings, never dared to, but some days he wished he’d had. It had been enough though, the time they’d had together in their tiny apartment over the Miller’s garage. He knew it wasn’t a crime to be gay anymore. He’d caught on to that pretty quickly, thank you HBO, but he still couldn’t bring himself to share that truth with Steve. Maybe someday. Bucky needed time to process and evaluate before proceeding, just like everything else in his life. 

One of the first things Bucky really minded was the food. Steve had warned him that everything tasted a little different nowadays but claimed he’d get used to it. Steve loved all the different types of takeout you could get in the city, willing to try anything and everything. Bucky found he couldn’t get past how fake everything tasted, like he could sense the lingering chemicals. Steve continued to insist they’d find something Bucky liked, even trying to ply him with bags of candy and boxes of mass produced cookies, trying to cater to his sweet tooth. Bucky gave up finally after a week where he’d spent ninety percent of the time hangry. He headed down to the farmers market and loaded up on all organic produce and heritage bred meats. He found an artisanal bakery that used simple organic ingredients too. Bucky took to making his own food from his farmers market shopping trips and was finally able to enjoy a meal. Steve, bless him, continued to try and find things Bucky would like but it never seemed to work out. Bucky felt guilty every time he’d have to pass something back to Steve with a “no thanks, pal” and the light of hope in Steve’s eyes dimmed. 

Steve was quite attached to his iPhone and thought for sure Bucky would love one too. He came home one afternoon with a sleek, shiny, little phone for Bucky, handing it to him like it was something priceless. “It does everything, Buck. You’re gonna love it.” he insisted. Bucky did not love it. The tiny black device only served to piss Bucky off more than anything. He could never quite get the hang of navigating it and his fingers always felt too big when he was trying to type. He’d loved technology when he was younger but the phone was just a bridge too far, and one he was not ready to learn how to cross. “I’m a hundred goddamned years old, Steve. No, I don’t wanna learn how to tweet. I’ll leave that to the fucking birds.” he grumbled, throwing the phone down on the coffee table after yet another one of Steve’s well intentioned attempts at teaching Bucky how to use some annoying app. Steve let up after that, leaving Bucky to poke around on the phone only when he was willing. Bucky knew Steve was upset that his gift wasn’t well received, but he was too frustrated with himself and the whole situation to apologize. 

Socializing was even becoming unenjoyable for Bucky. He used to go out every weekend to the dance halls and, when they were flush, the bars or clubs. Bucky was always the life of the party with a dame or two hanging off his arm, while Steve had shied away, content in the shadows. The times had certainly changed. Steve was now the one urging Bucky to hang out with the team and go out to the movies, but Bucky couldn’t have had less interest. He didn’t want to hold Steve back, and he felt horribly guilty when Steve would give him that damned sympathetic smile and say “It’s okay, Buck. We can just stay in.” when he very clearly wanted to go out. Bucky just couldn’t seem to fit in. He didn’t get the jokes or share the same interests with anyone and it was exhausting trying to make it seem like he did. So he preferred to stay at home in their condo, reading books or watching documentaries on their ridiculously large TV. He did occasionally enjoy when Natasha would drop in. It was seldom, but sometimes the tiny redhead would drop in unexpectedly with some old fashioned, homemade, Russian dish tucked under her arm for him. They would sit in silence watching a documentary, not having to say a word. She would give him a gruff hug and then be on her way. It was perfect and Bucky enjoyed her drop ins more than he’d admit. 

Everything came to a head after Steve’s birthday party. It was a week from hell as far as Bucky was concerned. He’d wanted to get Steve new paints and canvases, the expensive ones he’d seen the blonde fawning over a few weeks prior. Buying the supplies involved either going out in public alone, not ideal, or internet shopping, even worse. He tried to get them online but gave up after an hour, wanting to smash the damned laptop. Forcing himself to go out in public when he was already in a foul mood served to be just as disastrous, but he made it somehow. Then there was the party. Steve deserved the biggest, grandest party a guy could ask for, as far as Bucky was concerned. He wanted the best for Steve, he just didn’t want to be part of it. Steve looked at Bucky like he’d kicked his puppy when Bucky had told him he didn’t think he would be attending. So Bucky had put on his brave face and joined in on the loud, obnoxious party on July 4th to celebrate. Every drunken laugh and cheer grated on his nerves but he was coping and was quick to smile and nod every time Steve would look over. The last straw was the damn fireworks. Bucky hadn’t even stopped to consider how he would be with the fireworks but he quickly learned he was very not okay. Steve was staring up at night sky like it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, completely enraptured by the show. Bucky was digging his nails into his palms so hard blood trickled slowly down to his wrist, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. In between blasts, he miraculously managed to excuse himself for a bathroom break, and locked himself in the bathroom where he could fall apart for a few minutes. Maybe the shrink Steve had drug him to was right about the whole PTSD thing. Fuck. 

Bucky was certain when he woke up the morning after Steve’s party that he was ruining the other man’s life. There was no sugar coating it anymore, Bucky was bringing Steve down by being with him. Bucky didn’t think he’d ever adapt to this new world and he was so damned tired of trying. He wished they’d just left him on the ice in Wakanda until they needed him for a mission or something. It had worked out for the past seventy years, it would probably be better knowing it was the good guys pulling the strings now. Sure, Steve would miss him at first but Bucky was convinced it was for the best in the long run. Who needed a socially inept, only slightly stable roommate who couldn’t do anything on their own? And Steve, self sacrificing saint that he was, would never complain about it. Which honestly just made it worse. Even when Bucky had his low spells and would spend days on end curled up in bed, unable to even function, Steve was there to support him however he could. It was just too much to throw on the man, no matter how hard Bucky was trying or how much he loved him. 

“I think I need to go back on the ice.” Bucky said one night over dinner. He was only half way through his roasted chicken and potatoes but he couldn’t wait another minute.

Steve choked on his pad thai. “What?!” he yelped once his coughing fit had stopped.

“I need to go back on the ice.” Bucky was firm in his decision, “I’m not meant for this world, Steve. You know it as well as I do. So let’s save everyone the headache and put me back under. If the team ever needs me you can just bring me back out to help.”

“I’m gonna be sick.” Steve jumped up from his spot on the sofa and started pacing, running his hands roughly through his thick blonde hair. “If we did that to you we would be no better than Hydra. Do you get that?”

Bucky sighed heavily, he should have known Steve wouldn’t get it. “It’s nothing like Hydra. The Avengers are the good guys. I won’t be brainwashed or tortured or anything. I’ll just take a long, chilly nap and you guys can bring me out when you need me.” 

“I need you!” Steve cried, exasperated. 

“Stevie,” Bucky’s tone softened, pleading, “I’m ruining your life, pal. I can’t, I won’t, sit back and watch you give up this amazing life you could have if I wasn’t in it. I want you to be happy.” 

“That’s fucking rich.” Steve barked out a harsh laugh. His pacing stopped and he stood stock-still to stare a Bucky. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. “I just want you, Buck. How can you not see that? It’s only ever been you. Even when it was just you and me in that shitty little apartment in 1936, when we were so broke we couldn’t turn on the heat. I...” Steve’s voice broke with emotion and he shook his head. 

Bucky’s chest ached, terrified of what Steve was saying. It couldn’t be. “What are you tryin’ to say?”

Tears shone in Steve’s eyes. “I love you. I always have, and I guess I always will. I know you think you’re not adjusting to life now but you’ve only been here for six months. It took me a whole damn year to really get my bearings. I won’t give up on you. Not when I just got you back.” 

“How long?” Bucky cleared his rough voice, “How long have you felt that way?”

Steve shrugged, “Since forever, I guess. I’m sorry, I know you’re not-”

“I’m gay.” Bucky blurted out, cutting Steve off. “And I’ve loved you since the minute I could put a name to the feeling.” 

“Fuck.” Steve cursed, crossing the few feet to pull Bucky into his arms, “Fuck, we’re terrible at communicating.” He crashed his lips down on Bucky’s, frantic and desperate. 

It wasn’t a perfect first kiss but it was everything to Bucky. Steve’s warm palm rested on the back of Bucky’s neck, stabilizing him as he drowned in the other man. It was rough and heated and absolutely perfect. “I love you.” Bucky rasped out in between kisses, “I love so much.”

“Don’t leave. Please don’t leave me again.” Steve pleaded against Bucky’s lips, holding him closely, “We’ll figure it out, Buck. I promise. Please.” 

Bucky trembled, tears falling with giant sobs. He was so emotionally worn out and he clung to Steve like a lifeline. “Okay. We can try.” 

It took another six months and a few extra therapy sessions, but slowly Bucky began to adapt. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t quick, but that was okay. Change happened slow and gentle, like dawn rising up over the city rooftops bringing warmth and light to everything it touched. They found compromises and Steve did his best to be patient with Bucky, even though sometimes he practically vibrated out of his skin with the effort to slow down. They moved Bucky into Steve’s room and adopted a fluffy white cat they both doted on endlessly. Bucky eventually found common ground with Sam and they even made a weekend trip down to DC to visit him and do some sightseeing. After seventy years of being apart, and twenty years before that hiding their feelings, being able to be openly in love felt like the biggest blessing either man could have asked for. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but they were together and that was all that really mattered. 

[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[lodelcar]

LIFE IS FAR AWAY FROM FAIR

Brussels - Manneken Pis museum

[1]Perception rules the present world

For centuries, authorities have been struggling to put their opponents in a bad light. The function of "agent provocateur" was refined in the early 19th century by Eugène François Vidocq, a French criminal turned criminalist. His role was to entice another person to commit an illegal or rash act or falsely involved in partaking in an illegal act, so as to ruin the reputation or entice legal action against the target or a group they belong to.[2] The book Merchants of Doubt, a ten-year-old bestseller by two American historians, described how some top scientists have for years sowed doubts about the damaging effects of tobacco and acid rain and about global warming. They worked closely with a number of large companies. They created uncertainty, while there was scientific consensus. In this way they managed to block political regulation.[3]

But thanks to the dominating internet and social media, the phenomenon of fake news has become a general trend. The current internet has become the perfect way to harm people, institutions and countries by releasing internet trolls that act as agents provocateurs and undermine their reputation with impunity.

Newspapers have to make tremendous efforts to distinguish truth from fiction. What calls itself a quality newspaper, such as the Guardian, De Standaard, the Frankfurter Algemeine, have specialized fact finders to distinguish the reality from fiction. And they too are sometimes tempted to use titles that do not cover loads, in order to be able to sell more newspapers. The framing technique consists of choosing words and images in such a way that implicitly highlights a number of aspects of what is described. These highlighted aspects help to propagate a certain reading of the described or an opinion about it. Framing is used consciously (and unconsciously) in politics, journalism and advertising.[4]

In many areas there are forces at work to undermine or question opinions that are accepted by a larger population. The Economist recently wrote a long article about scientific research into inequality. "Inequality illusions," it said on the cover. By framing, certain interest groups try to create doubt.[5]

But in addition to truth and fiction, there is also perception. Social media influencers earn a nice living with it: what is trendy these days, what should I do to not stand out or to stand out? Everyone agrees that the British economy will end up in heavy weather because of the Brexit and certainly if it ends in a hard Brexit. But the energy and optimism displayed by British Prime Minister Boris Johnson may well have the effect of getting the perception of his countrymen and of continental Europeans as if he and his country emerged as big winners. Even if a few years later three-quarters of his bridges are not built, that is a concern for later: he has the perception, and that counts nowadays. [6]

The same thing happens with China, led by a Party that has been masters of controlling perception for many years. The coronavirus has put the party's credibility to the test: first the pot was kept covered, then they were congratulated by the WHO for their efficient approach, now it is claimed that they hermetically seal off the rest of the city where everything started, of the country because the situation there would be much worse than generally accepted. So what is going to happen: in the future, China will try to take such an important position in the WHO that it can control the 'objective' standards imposed by the World Health Organization. Because the perception must prevail.[7]

Is Europe a follower?

In the entire technological and digital development story there is a perception that Europe only plays a second-rate role. This has to do with the lack of rules in the US, the will of Russia to technologically harm the Western world, and the will of China to establish its global influence through technology. This allows greater commercial successes on the American side and unbridled state intervention and financial resources on the Russian and Chinese side.

But does Europe just watch and let it go? Certainly not. The GDPR is a first set of measures that were taken to curb the excrescences of the American techno superpowers. And the rest of the world follows with timidity and graduality, but it follows. And then there are of course IT people who say that this attitude is detrimental to innovation prematurely, but scientists simply cannot be accused of much moral awareness. If they can only earn money, they will be satisfied for a long time.

A second step will be to guide the European countries in setting up a 5G network. Europe is not lagging behind. More than half of the 5G patents are in European hands. The continent has suppliers who can meet our needs. When we talk about 5G, we are not talking about sending text messages. It's about managing hospitals, energy networks, cities, you name it. The heart of the network is crucial. That is why it is important to protect it.

A third step is the regulation of artificial intelligence (AI), which the new European Commission is currently working on and on which the new Commissioner Thierry Breton will very soon be publishing a white paper.[8]

Europe's influence on the world is not enforced by its military apparatus. For that, it has depended too much on the NATO alliance in the past, the strength of which was largely guaranteed by the efforts of the US and the UK.

The European model stands for a model of more social justice, of rule of law and of respect for the diversity of its residents. It is a vulnerable model that is also under pressure internally. Right and left hardliners preach the elimination of all aspects of that model. Social equality requires a lot of resources and therefore high taxes. The rule of law requires an independent judiciary that cannot be muzzled by leading parties. Respect for the diversity of its residents requires freedom of religion, freedom of speech, gender equality and respect for human rights. In many countries these concepts are questioned by political opponents who wish to abolish them.

To this must now also be added dealing with environmental constraints and climate change. Because here too, the new European commission, led by Ursula Von der Leyen, intends to play a pioneering role. The Commission presented to the European Parliament in Strasbourg its financing plan for the "Green deal", which aims to bring the Union to carbon neutrality in 2050. A fair transition mechanism must accompany the adaptation of the most economically European regions dependent on fossil fuels. It is made up of three components, including in particular a Just Transition Mechanism,[9] and mobilising investment of €1 trillion over 10 years.[10]

Which is the role of the regions in all this?

We have taken the theme of perception as the subject of our article because we want to show that the regional approach is not all that can be achieved either. Here we grind against the limits of utility. A supranational authority is urgently needed here to radiate sufficient authority in the world.

Countries with authoritarian rule such as Hungary and Poland (and in a close past Italy) are still opposed to strong regional and local governments. They still state the sovereign state as the most responsible body. And we understand why: he allows to control and dominate, often from an ideology. While lower levels are confronted too much with the well-being of their citizens, they do not look for ideological but practical solutions.

Nevertheless, we notice that the new European Commission is focusing more on supranational obligations and that this is at the expense of regional resources. The new budget proposal from the von der Leyen Commission naturally shows a general decline compared to the Juncker budget, for the simple reason that no more contributions from the UK can be expected. In addition, we mainly see an increase in supranational initiatives such as Digital Europe, European Space Plan as well the Green Deal.

In addition, we see a significant growth of the Erasmus budget, which should allow young people from all EU, Turkey and neighboring countries to obtain education within a European framework, across the entire continent. That will certainly benefit the European spirit in the long run. Supranational budgets that are being strengthened are also the budget instrument for convergence and competitiveness for the euro area (BICC) and the European Commission against Racism and Intolerance (CRI) budget.

The latter at the expense of the traditional cohesion fund budgets in favor of local and regional development, which fall from € 367 billion to € 323 billion.[11] During his speech on the EAR-AER New Year’s reception, former President of Romania, Traian Băşescu, now a Member of the European Parliament, gave some reflections on the plans of the new European Commission led by Ursula Von der Leyen. On the one hand, he was skeptical about Europe's ambitious climate plans, warning of an economic massacre in countries with old industries and warning that European economies could not limit themselves to the service sector alone. On the other hand, he had reservations about the announced reduction in cohesion funds. He warned that the rural areas in his country in particular had not yet had the opportunity and the time to adapt to European reality and that they would be the first victims of this cutback. He saw cohesion funds much more needed than the climate efforts that the Commission advocated.[12]

Do we have to complain about this decision to reduce the cohesion funds? Since 1992 the European Union works with the subsidiarity principle. The EU focused on local initiatives in its Barroso Commission and in Juncker Commission with the Cohesion Funds as crucial incentive. I am convinced that regions must be given sufficient resources and powers by national governments, but that they themselves must also be responsible for all their creativity in finding solutions to revitalize their region without waiting for third-party initiatives.

It will mainly be in ecological and energy investments that the regions and cities will have to play their role. In previous articles[13] I stated that cities and even municipalities have started to play a pioneering role in establishing wind turbines on the mainland in the form of cooperatives, both in Belgium and in France. In other countries such as Romania, they have made efforts to better insulate public buildings. Local initiatives are especially desirable and even necessary in green energy. They can function stand-alone and are therefore no longer so dependent on energy multinationals. Hopefully, innovative regions - bearing in mind the new green deal - can come up with proposals that can turn the energy world upside down.

It is clear that the European Commission is making choices that are supranational and should strengthen Europe as a continent, in a new context in which the Anglo-Saxon countries are withdrawing into splendid isolation, in which Russia is doing everything it can to keep the Eastern Partnership countries away from an affiliation with Europe and where China presents itself as an alternative to the world with a very colonialist behavior and a disregard for the rights of local populations. The fact that the EU Commission therefore greatly increases the budgets for security and defense and for migration and border management is perhaps surprising to many, but understandable.

Bring the soul back into the economy

We accept most of the ambitious plans of the new European Commission. But we also argue that it should also ensure that it does not further coordinate European economic development with the American and - what is to be feared - with the deregulating British. Many become European economists who argue that the economy should be geared back to ordinary people and not let them dominate by mathematical models. Kate Raworth does not necessarily view economic growth as a positive fact. Growth is needed, but too much growth has negative consequences, she says in the book "Donut economy". The Frenchman Serge Latouche goes one step further and argues for a cultural revolution that answers how we should live. He strives for “décroissance”, in which we reject our consumer addiction and place more value on non-material achievements. Some economists excuse themselves, such as Michael Jensen. He was at the basis of the practice of paying CEOs in stock options, which is now generally implemented, but came back to that later in part. The Brussels professor Johan Lambrechts argues for a return to the soul of the economy, which is multidisciplinary, critical, practice-oriented and pragmatic.[14]

Voting against self-interest

We are nine months before the most important elections on our planet: the US presidential election. More and more votes are being raised that President Trump is going to win it without a problem. Because democratic politicians are focused on his personality and fail to come up with alternatives in terms of style, content and behavior.

The American Nobel Prize winner in Economics Paul Krugman says it plainly: "You see all too often that people are voting against their own economic interests. They are being lured with ideological issues such as abortion or same-sex marriage to go against their own economic interests. (…) If you tell people that the government needs to allocate more money for people in need, quite a few Americans think that more money will be distributed to people with a dark skin .... People who are even lower on the social ladder than they are. That is the motivation and frustration of so many people who sail against their own interests"[15]

Unfortunately, this reproach comes back regularly, also in Europe. Voters let themselves be carried away by emotional themes that are often disproportionately inflated. The extremist parties that are working with it have an economic program that is phasing out social security or proposing a priceless social security. In the first case this only benefits the multinationals and the super-rich, on the other hand to the gauche-caviar party bobos who have contempt for the people they represent.

The role of quality newspapers that still control politicians' sayings in a democracy and who call them to account in the event of errors cannot be underlined enough. Numerous today are the interventions that they have to do to reprove politicians who hear in a pub the figures they use.[16] In most cases, the harm has usually been done already and the lies have penetrated to those that make them angry and eagerly follow them in their hustle and bustle.

Louis Delcart, European Academy of the Regions, www.ear-aer.eu

[1] I should have known, I’d leave alone/Just goes to show, that the blood you bleed/Is just the blood you owe

We were a pair, but I saw you there/Too much to bear, you were my life/But life is far away from fair

Billie Eilish – No time to die

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agent_provocateur retrieved on 15-2-2020

[3] Ruud Goossens, Een wereld zonder miljardairs zou een betere wereld zijn (A world without billionaires would be a better world), Interview met Gabriel Zucman, De Standaard Weekblad , 29 februari 2020         

[4] https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Framing retrieved on 15-2-2020

[5] Erik M.Conway & Naomi Oreskes, Merchants of Doubt, Bloombury Press, 2010

[6] Bart Beirlant, De kater na de Brexit, (The hangover after the Brexit) in: De Standaard - 15 februari 2020

[7] Luuk van Middelaar en Frans-Paul van der Putten, De draak versus de vleermuis (The dragon versus the bath), in: De Standaard - 15 februari 2020

[8] Annelien De Greef, ‘We hebben nog geen enkele strijd verloren’(We haven't lost a single battle yet), INTERVIEW Thierry Breton European Commissioner for the Internal Market, in: De Standaard - 15 februari 2020

[9] Maria Udrescu, Pacte vert européen: la Belgique devrait obtenir 68 millions d'euros du fonds de transition juste,(European Green Deal: Belgium should get 68 million euros from the Just Transition Mechanism) in : La Libre Belgique, 15-1-2020

[10] https://www.euractiv.com/section/energy-environment/news/eu-to-unveil-trillion-euro-green-deal-financial-plan/ retrieved on 17-02-52020

[11] Tweed #EUCO - retrieved 15-02-2020

[12] http://ear-aer.eu/2020/01/20/ear-aer-celebrates-start-of-2020-in-style/  - retrieved on 15-02-2020

[13] Louis Delcart, THE IMPACT OF THE REGIONAL APPROACH ON THE WELFARE AND THE WELL BEING OF CITIZENS, in https://lodelcar.tumblr.com/ 22-12-2019

[14]  Ruben Mooijman: ‘Breng de ziel terug in de economie’(Bring the soul back into the economy), in De Standaard - 1 Februari 2020

[15] Bjorn Soenens - Interview met econoom Paul Krugman: "Neem ontslag, president Trump, u heeft problemen die groter zijn dan de economie" (Interview with economist Paul Krugman: "Get out of office, President Trump, you have problems bigger than the economy") – in: VRT,  26-11-2019 retrieved on 30-11-2019

[16] André Decoster & Willem Sas, Waar blijft het echte cijferwerk, N-VA? (Where is the real numeral work, N-VA?) in De Standaard, 14-01-2020. A Professor of Public Finance (KULeuven) & lecturer in Public Economics at the University of Stirling have calculated the program points of a right-wing party and blame the author for the numerical work being based on false premisses. But as right-wing parties are always against something, and never say what they stand for, the news has already been picked up by the tabloid press.

[cafezimmermann]

The Image

(Moscow, 1995 – me (right) in front of the dormitory of the Moscow Conservatory)

“We might say now that chewing gum is the television of the mouth. There is no danger so long as we do not think that by chewing gum we are getting nourishment. But the Graphic Revolution has offered us the means of making all experience a form of mental chewing gum, which can be continually sweetened to give us the illusion that we are being nourished.”

Daniel J. Boorstin, The Image

Last Tuesday, after a meeting in Berlin with the director of a PR agency, I found myself standing on a train platform next to two American men who were probably in their mid-30s. Americans seem to pop up everywhere these days in Berlin, and it was impossible for me not to listen to their conversation. "Hey Dave," said the one to the other, "Did you see Comedy Central last night?" He then took out his iPhone, pulled up the video from YouTube, and held his phone under Dave's face so that Dave (and everyone else in their vicinity) could hear what turned out to be the opening monologue of Trevor Noah. The two chuckled along, happy to be in their world and oblivious to the dour faces of the Berliners looking at them for being so obnoxiously loud.

It was a fairly innocuous moment, one that you will encounter anywhere these days, but for some reason it made me stop in my tracks. The irony of turning 50 this past year is not only the realization that I have been on this planet longer than I wish to admit but the memory that there was a time in my not-too-distant past where such a moment would have been impossible.

Not that I wouldn't have done the same as Dave and his friend. As an expat living in Europe for nearly three decades, I too have embraced digital technology over the past years to reconnect with America – downloading ebooks, signing up for a digital subscription to the New York Times, enrolling in online writing programs, Skyping with my parents, signing up to a VPN provider to watch YouTube without the proprietary restrictions, and maintaining the entire experience with a high-speed Internet provider so that this “nonstop virtuality” doesn't come to a crashing halt.

I have been grateful for this digital lifeline. Nowadays, one doesn’t need to be home to “be home.” And yet, I often find myself thinking back to my stone-age past, wondering how I survived back then and wondering if Dave and his friend would have fared so well had they not had their iPhones at their side all of the time. Not to say that "things were better back then" for me, far from it. When I was a student in Basel, pretty much all I had access to (apart from a limited supply of books, which were expensive) was the BBC on shortwave radio and the occasional copy of The Herald Tribune from the newsstand (again, too expensive). But I do wonder if this lack of virtual access to America 24/7 allowed me to experience life differently, and perhaps more intensively. Would I have taken so many evening walks along the Rhine? Would I have spent so much time in the art gallery, standing hours on end riveted in front of Hans Holbein's Body of the Dead Christ in the Tomb while thinking about how Dostoyevsky used it in his novel The Idiot? Would I have written so many entries into my diary with a leaky copperplate fountain pen, lost in my thoughts, happy of the smudges of ink on my fingertips? Would I have made an effort to copy out Stephan Zweig’s Schachnovelle by hand to improve my German? And whenever I think about that, I am taken aback at how much of a limb I was going out on when I came over to Europe in 1990. Communication, in the modern sense, was practically non-existent back then. I had no laptop, obviously. The Internet meant nothing to me and placing a call to the States was horrendously expensive. I was effectively cut off from the world as I knew it, living as a self-imposed castaway in a Loony Tunes land of Swiss German.

But somehow, I did survive. And I had memorable experiences – experiences which I think made me the person I am today. A case in point: back in 1995, I was invited by a Russian recorder player to perform at the Moscow Conservatory together with a trio I had formed with two fellow students of mine at the Schola in Basel. Without getting into the specific (and sometimes embarrassing) details of the trip, it was one of those moments in life where I found myself at the mercy of my keepers – specifically the interpreter, who in turn was nothing more than the mediator of a half-baked, badly-organized project that stumbled from one mishap to another in a country teetering on the verge of anarchy. Sadly, her English was all but useless, but she was pretty and seemed more than willing to take us everywhere (we visited the Lenin Mausoleum, the inside of the Kremlin, and several bars) and answer all of our questions before she passed out on a couch at a party the night before we were supposed to fly back to Switzerland. How we got back to the dormitory remains a mystery – somehow, at 2:30 in the morning, we managed to hitch a ride back in a car that had driven by the apartment where we left the party.

Rachmaninov Hall - Moscow Conservatory

Fast forward to 2014, when I returned to Moscow for 48 hours with Akamus. Rather than a pretty interpreter at our disposal, we had a young, well-educated man who had attended high school in Alabama for a year and was fluent in English. When I asked him how far it was to the conservatory from the hotel, he located it on my smartphone and dropped a pin before I set off in the direction he told me to go. I walked to the conservatory with ease, navigating my way through the side streets using the ubiquitous blue dot found on Google Maps, trying to find my past self in a transformed society.

That blue dot, apart from being an indicator that we are being tracked all of the time, seems paradoxically symbolic of what our lives have turned into over the past twenty years. It allows us to orient ourselves without the necessity of taking in our surroundings in full, which in turn effectively pulls us away from the possibility of "getting lost" and experiencing auratic moments. Not that I minded when I was in Moscow five years ago – I didn't have the time or the muse for a repeat performance of what I had gone through in 1995. But the juxtaposition in my mind of past and present – not only to see just how much Moscow had changed over the past two decades but also to see how I was seeing the city now against how I had experienced it back then – struck me as odd. Granted, I was seeing more on my own and risking more than I probably would have had I been left to my own devices twenty years earlier. But I noticed that I was experiencing less, that what I saw was something that was being filtered through “the screen.”

This idea of "more but less," which the American historian Daniel Boorstin refers to in his book The Image: A Guide to Pseudo-Events in America, is a point that keeps on popping up in my mind. And to be honest I don't know which is better – experiencing less, but with greater intensity, or getting a taste of everything without the memorable experience. For example, I have pictures of the 2014 trip stored on an external hard drive, which – like the hundreds of other digital pictures stored safely away in the 1TB plastic box, I look at now and then. But they don't evoke half the memories I get whenever I see the few pictures that my colleague took of us with her camera.

Boorstin, who was responsible for coining the term “pseudo-event,” was far ahead of his time when he wrote the book in 1962. He writes about how the propagation of images in media has succeeded at altering our sense of reality, creating an alternative world that not only do we compare ourselves against, but use for “reshaping our concept of truth”:

“More and more accustomed to testing reality by the image, we will find it hard to retain ourselves so we may once again test the image by reality. It becomes ever harder to moderate our expectations, to shape expectations after experience, and not vice versa. For too long already we have had the specious power to shape “reality.” How can we rediscover the world of the uncontrived?”

It is a disturbing thought, particularly if one thinks to how much modern society has grown used to buying into the world of illusion on a daily basis to achieve a sense of belonging. Boorstin, who died in 2004, was able to foresee what was coming, but I think even he would have been aghast to see how quickly the epidemic has spread in the last decade, and how readily we have given up our privacy for the privilege of taking part in that illusion.

We know full well that companies such as Google, Facebook, Instagram, and Spotify are tracking us, taking the information gained from our online activities and targeting it to manipulate everything from our purchasing habits to our political opinions. And we know the consequences of this – not merely through the erosion of democracy in the past several years, but, perhaps even more frighteningly, the erosion of a certain “quality of life” – the mere ability to think for ourselves, be creative, read, and engage in deep and meaningful conversations with each other. Instead, we (like the information we provide to such companies) have become nothing more than a “disposable commodity.” And if you really want to carry that thought one step further, could not one argue that the ultimate aim of “deepfake” technology, which is being used these days to get the better of our core values as a society by blurring the line between fact and fiction, isn’t all that much different from the approach taken by the Tyrell Corporation in Ridley Schott’s 1982 science fiction film Blade Runner? In the film’s futuristic world of 2019, "replicants" - the slaves of the film's dystopian society – were implanted by the corporation with false memories to create "a cushion or pillow for their emotions." Indeed, we may not be replicants at birth, and our memories may be ours – but could it that the barrage of information, misinformation, and desire is now weaning a generation who, in the future, will be even less resistant to the difference between fact and fiction?

“There is no cure for illusions. There is only the opportunity for discovery.”

If there were a credo for finding our way through the 21st century, it should be this. Maybe it is time for us to think about the second half of Boorstin's sentence and consider what we are missing by not taking the chance to discover life on our terms. The New York Times recently published an article titled "In Search of Lost Screen Time": "More than three-quarters of all Americans own a smartphone. In 2018 those 253 million Americans spent $1,380 and 1,460 hours on their smartphone and other mobile devices. That’s 91 walking days; that adds up to 370 billing waking American hours and $349 billion." The alternatives presented in the op-ed article offer food for thought, so much so, that when I read the article I considered my own dependency for a moment and thought about all of the other things that I would like to do with the remaining years of my life – listen to music with the intensity I did as a teenager, read more, go to museums again, go for long walks. At any rate, what I don't want is to be hooked. And yet, the paradox of my own life is the realization that the laptop in my hand is my means of communication to the outside world. But still, I cannot let it get the better of me.

At this point, I see that it's 5:30 in the morning. The first light of the morning has cast the garden on the other side of my window in soft, pale greys, blues and yellows while the birds engage in their morning ritual of welcoming the day. And yet, I have been so wrapped up in writing this essay that I didn’t notice it. It’s time for me to close the laptop and start the day.

“We must awake before we can walk in the right direction. We must discover our illusions before we can even realize that we have been sleepwalking. The least and the most we can hope for is that each of us may penetrate the unknown jungle of images in which we live our daily lives. That we may discover anew where dreams end and where illusions begin. This is enough. Then we may know where we are, and each of us may decide for himself where he wants to go.”

[diario-secreto-bjd]

2017 New Year's Doll Meme:

((Lo traduzco tan pronto encuentre las ganas, que se me han perdido por ahi entre los decorados de navidad...))

As every year, let's start! What sculpt do you wish you could see more owner photos of?

- BuddyDoll dolls in general. I know the factory died long ago but I still find them to be the most special sculpts for me. And the few there are are owned by Russian artists in the majority it's not easy to find any picture at all nowadays

Do people choose names for their dolls and characters the dolls are based on and then check excessively to see if anyone is already using the name? Are they bothered if they find other dolls having the same name?

- Personally I'm not. I come up with a name, I never give a single fu*k if anyone else it's using that name. I bet there is a thousand if not more humans using "my name" and I'm not obsessed by it so why should be obsessed about my dolls names..?

What company do you wish were more popular? What company do you wish were less popular? Why?

- I will say BuddyDoll again but since they're closed, I'll go for Obitsu, the big ones, are exactly the same as any other Vinyl ball jointed doll like DollfieDream or SmartDoll but people somehow hates them, I never knew why... And I wish SmartDolls weren't so popular, me, personally, fell like cheated, Danny C. was supposed to give us "the next step on doll evolution", a robotic doll you can command trough an app in your smartphone, and then he reconsidered the cost of production and ended up giving us 'anime flat faced characters' who are ALL ""Mirai with the exact same clothing"" (almost), and for some unknown reason people praise him like if he had invented something marvelous. Wellp, he didn't, he just made another version of DollfieDream but uglier and less imaginative, not the "dolly robot" he promise, and the reason why his brand was called SMART-DOLL to begin with.

Based on the characters written, out of your dolls, your friends’ dolls or even other owners’ dollies, which doll would you most like to be friends with? And which doll is most likely to be your mortal enemy?

- My, this is a good one, since I have a saga of published books about my dolls histories and their character I know them all very deeply and I can say for sure, "Star" will be the one to most likely becoming my friend since he's pretty much like me in many ways, intolerant, nasty for fun, sarcastic, unpredictable, every mistake I have he have almost the same so there will be a problematic friendship but surely we will remain friends for a lifetime. And "Lily" will most possibly be my sort of "mortal enemy" since she is so vain and thinks so high of herself as a doll that this will continuously might generate 'girl cat-fights' over the smallest things.

What’s the longest you’ve waited for a doll to arrive? What’s the shortest?

- Longest?, MOC (mint-on-card), their costumer service sucks and they're rude and they threat you with cancel your order after months of waiting if they don't like where you live even though they had previously told you they had no problem shipping there. It took over 8 months to get Star his own proper body since I wanted a very specific 'over-articulated' body from a specific company who wasn't selling if not trough agents and MOC was the only-one who accepted to ship internationally so I had to suck it and wait while they insulted me over months and months, the final insult, supposedly "extra hands" they had to send me, they send me a pair of hands doing the fu*k you, yes, they ultimately gave me the middle finger on resin. I still have the hands, no idea what to do with them actually... - The shortest?, easy, a week from paid to product arrival. From recaster S/L (China BJD).

Do you like to sew for your dolls? Where do you usually get your fabric?

- I HATE to sew for everyone and everything. Is not like I "can't", is literally, I HATE IT. And when I do have to sew because I don't have any other choice I find fabric in the most weird places. Never online, I live on a "clothing factory district" so I can buy my fabrics here or even real clothing for humans on sale and use the fabric I need from there (since dolls are smaller than humans a t-shirt for a human will have enough fabric for a doll t-shirt for sure).

Do you like to create things for your dolls, be it clothes, wigs, accessories, ect? If so, what?

- As previously stated I do hate to create clothing items, and shoes. I avoid it as much as I can, but I love to make eyes, doll heads, bodies, wigs (fur or fiber), jewelry, and sometimes even props... (though I don't use them much).

If you have pets, do you let them near your dolls? How do they feel about your dolls?

- I have (currently) 3 cats. I let them near my dolls under my strict supervision. One of them wants to steal Star's bed and sleeps on his lap every time he can, but I doubt Star will like that and it might be even a danger for the animal if Star long fingernails break so I never actually let him do so. the other two cats, one ignores my dolls as he ignores humans too, and the lat one it's too curious and can't stay put for a second so he usually just smell my dolls and move on to the next shinny thing.

Is there any character of yours that you wouldn’t want to get as a doll? Why?

- Pfff, hard one here, now that I think of it....... mmm....... no, I don't think I have any character that's a "NOPE" if it comes as a present.... Why?, well, maybe because I only relate the dolls to the characters I make and whatever I hate from them, is in some sense a "part of me", so I can live even with the parts of me I don't like. It's called self-esteem. - Plus, I have Lily, and it's my less favorite character so.... right now I can't think of any. Sorry.

Has anyone ever broken one of your dolls? How did you feel? How did they react?

- By the time I started with BJDs I had already had a lot of "bad experiences with assholes/friends coming home and breaking stuff". The one I remember the most right now, was my best friend (at that time) taking a very rare/expensive/hard-to-get "Kaiyodo Evangelion Eva 05 figure" back in the 90's, and detaching the legs...then he lol'd about it...........that guy now lives 12 hours away, in another continent. Problem solved.

Where do you like to get your supplies? (Elastic, eye puddy, ect.)

- At first (since I didn't knew any better) was all online, the imports on my country are/where expensive but we didn't had all the stupid regulations we have now. Nowadays I tend to actually use my head and look for the stuff I need where I can buy it directly on a real (physical) store around the corner, so I always have a lot of supplies at had. You just need to know what you need and where they sell it. It's not that hard and much more fun.

If you could have a doll of any fandom character, who would you get and why?

- I think Sephiroth from “Final Fantasy VII” series. Thus his armor (specially the shoulder plates) are a pain in the arse'... I did had one of my dolls customized to be him but ultimately ended up using the doll for a character on my book and giving him, a more 'easy to deal with' clothing.

Where is your favorite place to host your doll photos? What other places do you like to share them?

- Mainly DeviantArt, but I also use Tumblr and FB (sometimes). I tend to change over the years but this are the sites I use almost all the time.

What type of camera do you use? What about light set up?

- I hate photography almost as much as sewing clothing items. Sorry.

Where do you usually buy your eyes from? Do you prefer glass, acrylic, urethane, ect?

- I buy my eyes everywhere I can and I do actually prefer glass eyes.

What is the best deal you’ve ever been able to score (be it direct from a doll company, an etsy store, the second-hand market, etc.)?

- Recast from S/L. Purchased 3 1/3 SD dolls and got a mini and a 1/4 for free. + their respective eyes.

Face up artists: What were some things you struggled with when you first began face-ups, vs. things you struggle with now? How do your first face-ups compare to your more recent ones?

- When I first began faceups the most common mistake where the eyebrows, now I don't think I struggle too much about anything anymore... practice do make the master.

What color resin is most of your crew? What color resin is your favorite? What color would you like to get next or in the future?

- Most of my crew it's Normal Yellow, but I have all sort of colors, Tans, blue, white, grey, pink, even Glow in the dark resin... it all depends on the sculpt and the character I'm making.

Do any of your dolls celebrate a holiday other than Christmas?

- Guest you could say Star celebrates his birthday (the day he was order) as a reminder of how I started in this hobby and how long I've being up with this until today.

If you could change one of your dolls into an outfit that isn’t their aesthetic (aka pastel lolita into gothic punk, bad boy into nerdy jock), who would you choose and why? (Also, would they go along with it, or would they protest?)

- I think "Wind" will make a good dark Gothic "something", since he is (as a character) continuously changing his look in search of "who he is" don't think his character will mind neither...

Have you ever bought through Taobao? If so, what did you get, and how did it go?

- Yes, dolls items and dolls, it went perfect. Thank you very much.

Do any of your dolls have a ‘theme song’?

- Star does. It's the song "Iris" from "GooGoo Dolls".

Are any of your dolls more popular than other ones when it comes to likes, reblogs, ect? Are any of them less popular?

- I never notice about "my dolls popularity". I'm not in high-school anymore. And to be honest I gave a sh*t even when I was on high-school so... I'm a very happy outcast, so are my dolls.

If you have more than one doll, how are they connected? Are they from the same story line? If not, do you think they’d still get along?

- All my dolls are connected, all share the same universe and are tied to the events of their main story depicted on my books. Some get along better than others like in real life real people would.

Do you ever smoke (cigarettes, cannabis, ect.) around your dolls? If so, do you worry about the smell? If not, would it bother you if others did?

- I don't smoke. It kinda' bothers me the smell of cigarettes on anything (-or "dirty/wet dog smell", that is on my top ten list of smells I don't want EVER smell again on my LIFE-), but I've learn to live with it since my dad it's a heavy smoker so his belongings always smell like cigarettes... As long as it's not on MY dolls your doll can smell however you prefer and I have no reason to get mad at anyone for it. It's not my doll. Period.

What are your favorite places to hang out within the community? Do you like a specific forum, or fb group?

- I think the community sucks all the joy out of this hobby. I have decades of experience on this community and other fandom related communities and let me tell you, is not worth it. It's a drama over another drama over ANOTHER drama... sooner or later you will be in the center of a hurricane and you won't know what the hell just hapend.

Tell me about your dolls personality! If you have more than one doll, pick a few of your favs! I’d love to know all about them. ^^

- All of my dolls are intertwined into a main story. There are a lot of characters each with an unique story and motivation. I can't really resume their lives as OC's here, but if you like you can read my book. Main characters personalities are a bit like: Star (selfish, unpredictable, values his freedom over most things but it's not an idealistic guy, sarcastic and acid, oftenly apathetic), Doc (curious, loving, gentle and smart but a bit bitter at times), Max (strong, intimidating, never let's his emotions out unless necessary, manly and quiet, can't stand being a slave or other weaker dolls), Swan (smart, fierce, beautiful despite her defects, courageous, stubborn), Angel (distant, quiet, very powerful, mysterious), Pax (strong and kind to others, particularly the weakest ones or the ones in need, honorable and a very good person/doll, values everyone's lives above his own), Night (agile, not as fast as Star but still a skillful doll, very sociable and likes to joke around), Light (serious for his age, tends to be taking care of Night and considers him his brother although they are not related, very loyal), and so on...

Are any of your dolls in a relationship, or married? Do they have any children?

- Spoiler Alert. Yes. Not going to point fingers at them.

What’s your grail doll? (’Grail’ can be interpenetrated any way you desire.)

- I don't really know.... I'm still waiting on a strong actually BIG and not "soom ridiculously thin legs" centaur, like SoulDoll Chiron kinda' centaur, 70 fucking centimeters for real, bad side is that much resin is not something the companies are willing to use on a single doll if they can use half and still sell you the doll for the same price so.... keep on waiting I guest. Most of my grail dolls I already have them so I'm not like "desperate" about getting a specific sculpt.That being said, there is always a doll I will like to own but is not like I'll die if I don't own them...

Do you usually get dolls for a specific character, or create a character once you have the doll?

- I usually get the doll for a specific character but this doesn't mean I haven't piked my good share of dolls just because they're pretty and felt obligated to give them a character afterwards...

Do any of your dolls have an accessory or piece of clothing that they always wear?

- "Night" have a "bow and arrow" set. "Star" has a yellow/orange sparkling scarf, "Max" have dog-tags, "Doc" have black long boots, "Pax" have a blue feather hanging on his neck.., almost all of the characters/dolls I have, have something special that they wear of like to have around at every situation...

Do any of your dolls participate in any clubs, or sports?

- I hate sports, I never did took interest or asked them if they did. But I'm guessing no...

Do your dolls have any pets? If so, would you ever get their pet as it’s own doll?

- Some, and in some cases, yes... but mostly they don't have pets.

What is something about your doll that no one else knows?

- I can't seem to change the eyes of my first doll, I tried like 4 times and ended up back to his original eyes in less than a day. It's like the eyes are the window to the entire personality of that particular doll and without that specific eyes he doesn't looks the same...and I can't tolerate that fact. I fell like I've just killed someone whenever I change his eyes...it's a weird felling knowing he is a doll and it's not actually alive but damn...fells like shit. :/

What is your dolls favorite color? What about their favorite color to wear?

- "Star" preffers redish with a bit of blue, "Doc" loves everything black and specially red... "Lily" loves Pink and white, "Max" prefers military-like colors or simple things...and so on...

Are any of your dolls spiritual?

- I'm not sure on how to interpret this question, ...do you mean if they (their characters) are involved in "spiritual" or so activities..?, or if I use them as "spiritual dolls" to hold the spirit of the dead in real life..?, really, this question needs some context.

Do any of your dolls have tattoos? If so, do they represent anything?

- Not that I recall, maybe a couple. Not going to spoil the story and their meaning. Sorry.

Do any of your dolls have a nickname? Is it one they like, or do they dislike it? Who gave it to them?

- Star usually call Max “the old guy” or “the old men”, and Doc nickname Max sometimes as “the warrior”. But Max doesn’t know they called him nicknames.

* All this questions belong to: "Bjd Discussion Time!" please check their blog for more.

** Disclaimer, right now, Jan 2017, I have over 80 (or more, stop counting them a long time ago) Ball Jointed Dolls, so it's a LOT difficult to list them all and I replied this questions to the best of my knowledge. Hope you have less dolls and can actually give more precise answers.

[theconservativebrief]

President Donald Trump is planning to withdraw the United States from a three-decade-old arms control treaty with Russia. If the White House follows through, it could imperil US relations with Moscow and European allies in the near future — and increase tensions with China down the line.

The Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces (INF) Treaty was signed by President Ronald Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev in December 1987. The agreement prohibited Washington and Moscow from fielding ground-launched cruise missiles that could fly between 310 and 3,400 miles.

Both countries signed the agreement as a way to improve relations toward the end of the Cold War. However, both sides still could — and since have — built up cruise missiles that can be fired from the air or sea.

The problem is that Russia has clearly violated that agreement in recent years. In 2014, the Obama administration blamed the Kremlin for testing a cruise missile in direct violation of the accord. (Russia says the US has violated the agreement too, a charge the US denies.)

Russian President Vladimir Putin has continued to improve those weapons; in March, he even made the striking claim that Russia will soon have a nuclear-powered cruise missile that can reach the United States.

“Across two administrations, the United States and our allies have attempted to bring Russia back into full and verifiable compliance with INF,” a senior Trump administration official told me, speaking on condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive ongoing talks.

“Despite our objections, Russia continues to produce and field prohibited cruise missiles and has ignored calls for transparency,” the official added.

President Ronald Reagan and Soviet General Secretary Mikhail Gorbachev sign the INF Treaty at the White House in December 1987. Universal History Archive/UIG via Getty Images

And it seems the Trump administration has had enough. “[W]e’re not going to let them violate a nuclear agreement and go out and do weapons, and we’re not allowed to,” Trump told reporters aboard Air Force One on Saturday.

Experts are divided on whether leaving the treaty is a good or bad idea. Some say it could lead Russia to develop more of the weapons and fuel an arms race, while others say it unnecessarily handicaps America’s military prowess.

Gorbachev, the Soviet premier who signed the treaty with Reagan, called Trump’s announcement “unacceptable” and “very irresponsible.”

The US has yet to formally notify Russia that it will leave the agreement, which would start the process to officially withdraw from the accord six months later. But there’s one person — National Security Adviser John Bolton — who will likely smile if it happens.

Experts I spoke with unanimously agreed that Russia has violated the agreement and that the US needed to do something about it. Where they differed, though, was over how to do that.

The answers fell into two camps: those who felt the US should try to coerce Russia into compliance with what they say is a historic and useful treaty, and those who said the US should leave the treaty entirely because it’s hurting America’s security.

Let’s take each in turn.

Why the US should stay in the INF Treaty

Having the treaty in place reduces tensions between the US and Moscow, some experts say, mostly because both countries destroyed about 2,600 ground-based cruise missiles in total along with their corresponding launchers as a result of the treaty.

That was particularly important for Washington’s allies in Europe, who were directly threatened by Russia’s stockpile. “Living in Europe, they care about INF more than anyone because they are within INF ranges,” Heather Williams, an arms control expert at King’s College in London, told me.

But it seems Trump made the announcement that he would be pulling the US out of the treaty before consulting with America’s European friends — and they’re not happy about the decision. German Foreign Minister Heiko Maas on Sunday called it a “regrettable” move, saying that the treaty is “an important pillar of our European security architecture” and that the US decision “raises difficult questions for us and Europe.”

However, European leaders have never publicly criticized Russia for its treaty violations, thereby putting little extra pressure on Moscow to comply.

Russia shows off a cruise missile at the International Maritime Defense Show in St. Petersburg on June 28, 2017. Olga Maltseva/AFP/Getty Images

Experts also point out that leaving the agreement will do little to make Russia want to abide by it. “Punching out isn’t going to bring them into compliance, and now lets them justify a buildup even more while painting us as the bad guys,” said Vipin Narang, a nuclear expert at MIT.

These are legitimate worries. It’s possible Russia could have been even more brazen in its development of ground-based cruise missiles, and that remaining a signatory in the agreement somewhat curbed Moscow’s ambitions. But if the US tears up the deal, Russia could openly and more quickly build up its arsenal — all while claiming the US made it okay to do so.

That could kick-start a new arms race between the two countries, where each side would try to one-up the other with better weaponry. Washington and Moscow would grow their arsenals of ground-launched cruise missiles. That, along with other issues in the relationship, could potentially put both countries on the path to war, many worry.

There are ways to pressure Russia to comply with the agreement, experts told me. Here’s one idea from James Miller, the top Pentagon policy official from 2012 to 2014: The US should develop cruise missiles that carry nuclear weapons and can be launched at sea.

Remember: The INF treaty doesn’t prohibit the US from fielding and testing cruise missiles that can be shot from planes, ships, or submarines — only land. Increasing America’s stockpile of those other weapons, then, might pressure Moscow financially and militarily to come to the table to discuss a way to improve the accord for both sides.

Russian President Vladimir Putin poses for a picture inside a plane that can carry cruise missiles on August 16, 2005. Vladimir Rodionov/AFP/Getty Images

But if Trump leaves the deal, the US will lose any and all leverage with Russia on this issue.

Why the US should leave the INF Treaty

Other experts are equally passionate that leaving the agreement was long overdue. The main reason, they say, is that America should have these weapons if other countries won’t stop building them.

“[T]here was no hope of getting Moscow to return to compliance,” Matthew Kroenig, a nuclear expert at the Atlantic Council think tank, wrote in a blog post on Saturday after Trump’s announcement. “It doesn’t make sense for the United States to be unilaterally constrained by limits that don’t affect any other country.”

Having ground-launched cruise missiles may not actually be all that useful for combating Russia nowadays, these experts say, but they are necessary to fight off the growing military threat from China. That’s an argument that John Bolton, who became Trump’s national security adviser in April, made for years when he was a pundit outside of government.

The case has merit. According to a 2018 Pentagon report, Beijing has vastly improved its cruise missile arsenal, which would likely make it harder for US warships to approach the country’s coast during a fight. Experts say that puts the US at a massive disadvantage and should be promptly reversed.

Eric Sayers, a defense expert at the Center for a New American Security, told me it wouldn’t be too hard to place cruise missiles on the ground near China — like in Japan or the Philippines — as long as those countries agree to it. The US could also deploy longer-range cruise missiles along China’s periphery to fend off Beijing’s ships.

What’s more, he continued, those weapons are cheaper overall than their air or sea variants because they are usually launched from trucks. Planes, ships, and submarines are complex to build and very expensive to maintain, making land-based cruise missiles a good option.

In effect, those who want the US to leave the INF Treaty say the US is missing out on a vital weapon to safeguard the country. “There’s a reason China and others have them and there’s a reason Russia is developing them,” says Rebeccah Heinrichs, a nuclear expert at the Hudson Institute. “Those who confidently insist we don’t need them are spitballing.”

But while Bolton’s argument in this case has merit, this decision is also part of a much broader effort by the Trump administration to undo years of arms control work — and it all just so happens to correlate with Bolton’s time at the White House.

Bolton has been very open about his dislike of arms control agreements for years. In his 2007 book Surrender Is Not an Option: Defending America at the United Nations, he spends dozens of pages railing against what he calls the “arms control theology” that “had been painstakingly developed during the Cold War, and kept on life support during the Clinton presidency by devotion and prayer rather than hard reality.”

National Security Adviser John Bolton is not a fan of global arms control. Here he joins President Donald Trump during an Oval Office meeting on May 22, 2018. Oliver Contreras-Pool/Getty Images

It’s therefore no real surprise that the Trump administration has withdrawn from multiple arms control agreements during Bolton’s six months as national security adviser. For example, in May the US withdrew from the Iran nuclear deal, which the Obama administration put in place to constrain Tehran’s path to a nuclear weapon. But Bolton — and Trump — felt that it didn’t go far enough, and ultimately decided to pull out of the deal.

Bolton is currently in Moscow to meet with top Russian leaders, and this issue will certainly come up. Arms control came up when Bolton was in Russia four months ago, when he and his counterparts discussed extending the New START nuclear treaty between the United States and Russia for another five years. That agreement came into effect on February 5, 2011, with the goal of limiting the size of the American and Russian nuclear arsenals, the two largest in the world.

At the time, three sources familiar with Bolton’s thinking told me that he was “very upset” he had to discuss extending the agreement when he spoke to Putin about it. Before joining the administration, Bolton called the accord “unilateral disarmament” by the United States.

Some experts worry that Trump’s announcement about the INF Treaty means New START may soon die. Bolton, however, would likely celebrate that move.

Original Source -> Trump may soon kill a US-Russia arms control deal. It might be a good idea.

via The Conservative Brief

[altertonative]

TOP THINGS TO SEE IN SOUTH VIETNAM

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Vietnam is a large country, which makes it difficult to visit its every corner within two to three weeks, especially if you plan to travel on a scooter or using public transport. Distances between major cities are often counted in hundreds of kilometers, and the quality of national roads slows down all types of vehicles. For example, a trip from Ha Tien to Ho Chi Minh by bus (a route of around 320 kilometers) takes around 13 hours! For this reason, I recommend choosing which part of Vietnam would you like to visit: North or South? The choice is inasmuch difficult that both of these parts are equally interesting. They lie on different geographical latitudes, therefore have different climate. Besides, they differ in terms of economic, political or even culinary matters! Northern Vietnam is less developed, but more devoted to the culture. It offers beautiful landscapes arising among green mountains. South Vietnam, on the other hand, have numerous sandy beaches, rice fields and characteristic hot, subtropical climate. Due to the flights offers and the temperatures in November, we decided to go to South Vietnam and it was a good decision. Here’s why:

The South of Vietnam is known primarily for the lively Mekong delta and the fastest-growing modern metropolis, Ho Chi Minh, which has a population of over 6 million! The most beautiful time to admire both regions is the early morning, when the dew is still crossing the rice fields, and the heat does not bother so much. The Vietnamese are very hardworking and they like to get up at dawn, so do not expect deserted streets. What's more, the working week lasts seven days, so the rest is possible only on bank holidays, celebrated in Vietnam several times a year. In tourist cities situation looks a bit different. The streets get crowded with the start of the season, unfortunately also with the increase in prices. Therefore, it is worth flying to Vietnam at the beginning of November, although there is still a risk of encountering the end of the rainy season. And what is worth seeing in southern Vietnam? Below are four most interesting places and attractions around them:

CAN THO is the economic, political and cultural center of the Mekong Delta - Vietnam's largest river with nine tributaries called the nine dragons. The main attraction around the city is the floating market Cai Rang - the most interesting of all floating markets taking place in the Mekong Delta. You can purchase a one-day trip on the spot - it is worth asking about the booking possibilities at a nearby tourist center, or at a hostel / hotel (the cost is about USD 20). You must remember that it is necessary to set off before sunrise, because the biggest traffic on the river lasts until 8 am. From the market the boat takes you deeper into the intricate tributaries of the Mekong, densely surrounded by jungle, from which houses on stilts emerge from time to time. Apparently, you have to watch out for mosquitoes transferring tropical diseases that breed like crazy around the river, but we haven’t seen any all day. In Can Tho, you can also try local delicacies at the city marketplace, held every afternoon around the main square, where a lot of booths with various dishes and snacks stand.

HO CHI MINH (SAIGON) –

the largest city in Vietnam aspires to be called "the Asian Tiger", investing in the development of new technologies and gathering the richest inhabitants of this country. The metropolis is inhabited by over 6 million people, which causes a lot of traffic on the streets, full of motorbikes contaminating the air. What strikes tourists the most, immediately after arrival is the chaos on the streets. Crossing to the other side seems to be a great challenge for everyone. It is true that the Vietnamese do not care too much about traffic code, but after a while you start to notice that they actually drive slowly and carefully, although according to the bigger and stronger always goes first rule.

The richest and most modern district of Saigon is located near the main square, enter the name here. It is here, where you can go to an artistic café, buy exclusive clothes, or rent a room in the most expensive hotels. The gap between this part of the city and the impoverished neighborhoods on the outskirts of the city is huge. In spite of everything, the society of different classes uses each other’s services, for example, stopping the limousine on the way to work to get Pho soup from a simple woman with a stand.

The most important attractions of Ho Chi Minh City, which you must visit, are:

 - The main post office - the building impresses with its construction and architecture.

- Notre-Dame Cathedral - Christian church built in the Neo-Romanesque style.

- The Remnants of War Museum - for people with strong nerves; because it’s quite shocking, detailing and illustrating the massacre committed by the Americans during the Vietnam War, entry: about 1 euro.

- Pagoda of the Jade Emperor - one of the most important temples in Saigon, crowds of worshipers light the incense here every day and pray, also to Buddha.

MUI NE – this peninsula famous for its fish sauce is a popular holiday resort for both native and foreign guests. There are so many tourists here from Russia that the signs are in Russian. The main street stretches for several kilometers, reminding the Californian boulevard sometimes. In the off-season, the streets are empty, and the place does not look inviting. The difference make the year-round high waves that attract surfers and kite surfers. Deserted, wide beaches are an ideal place for lovers of these sports. Mui Ne, however, is not just sunbathing. It is worth going on a trip to the nearby small canyon of red rocks, or on the white and red dunes, where you can take a jeep ride. It is best to ask about the up-to-date offer in one of the youth hostels - they usually have the best prices!

PHU QUOC – is the largest of the Vietnamese islands and it can be reached by ferry from Rach Gia and Ha Tien. This once wild and uncommercial paradise, nowadays resembles a construction site, because vast scale resorts, other hotels and casinos are being built here. The government aspires to attract as many tourists as possible and counts on Phu Quoc becoming the next Phuket. It is a pity, because the growing tourism industry destroys the natural fauna and flora and pollutes the environment – only a profit matters, whatever the cost. In the south of the island there are still a few beautiful beaches creating a wonderful landscape, but you can only dream about these virgin, secluded ones. Despite this, Phu Quoc offers unforgettable views, the opportunity to admire the underwater world of the Thai Bay, as well as the truly holiday atmosphere ... especially in November!

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[houstonphotojourney]

Today I had the pleasure of entering the Russian General store in Houston, Texas and having the chance to sit down and speak with Mr. Alexander Kogan while his business partner, Ms. Anna Levitin tended to the business, they have shared for over 20 years! Ms. Levitin is a bit shy and didn’t wish to be photographed, although you’ll have to trust me that she is quite the attractive lady!  Smart as a whip too according to Mr. Kogan! I think he feels a bit badly that she’s been taking on so much more than her fair share of the work load since he became ill as he mentioned his gratitude more than once toward Ms. Anna Levitin.  Very touching to see these two friends in business together still after so many years.  What a team!

Mr. Alexander Kogan – Partner/Owner of The Russian General Store

Mr. Kogan was born in Bukhara, Uzbekistan back when it was part of the Soviet Union – it is now an independent state.  However, he spent the majority of his years growing up in Leningrad, (now St. Petersburg).  Although he has travelled quite a bit in his lifetime!

Mr. Kogan was kind enough to send me this photo of him from his travels in Central Asia (back row with beard)

Mr. Kogan (left) in Central Asia

When I asked Mr. Kogan why he came to America? He replied, “Curiosity!”.  What a bold move!!! He had to give up his Russian citizenship in order to come to America. Back home in the Soviet Union, Mr. Kogan was a degreed Biologist and Zoologist. He was helped upon his arrival and supported by an International rescue committee. Initially, he took a job in a commercial printing company.  Kogan had been a photographer in the Soviet Union and soon realized by his estimate, that the Soviet Union was lagging behind by about 30 years where photography was concerned so he quickly caught up.  Nowadays, there is not a lag however in technology at all in Russia.  Eventually he became the Head of a Research Photography Unit at Baylor College of Medicine. One thing led to another and he ended up here with Ms. Levitin and this marvelous Russian General Store!  Although Mr. Kogan has never returned to his homeland, he does still Skype with his remaining family back home.  

  Adorable, hand-painted Russian gifts are throughout the store and are gorgeous! I loved the card selection too!

I could have sat and listened to Mr. Kogan and asked him questions for hours!!! He has that gleam in his eye of mischief and a great sense of humor to match his fun personality!! Ms. Anna Levitin on the other hand, was steadily busy running the store while we were chatting it up.  According to Mr. Kogan,  his partner, Ms. Levitin has been doing the majority of the work running the store since he became ill.  You can tell just how appreciative he is that he has a strong woman like Ms. Levitin as the primary care-taker of The Russian General Store!

  There are tons of books, trinkets, and food! I was thinking how nice it would be for a Russian child to have a book from “home” when living/visiting here long-term. Nice to know where their parents can shop to bring some comforts of home to their new home here!

When I asked him what his favorite thing in America was, he stated, “In Russia you belong to the government, here to yourself”.  He had me laughing about how when he first arrived he just ate nothing but meat practically his first 15 years here as in Russia it was so expensive that you were unable to get the same meat, etc. back then.  It is impossible for us here in America to truly be able to understand all the differences in culture, lifestyle, etc. and times have also changed since, for both countries. Although, he did feel Russian’s in general might be happier or at least have fewer worries such as medical care as everyone has health coverage there. Education is also at no cost provided you pass the required tests. Of course one must be sure to realize that this was 37 years ago that Mr. Kogan recalls these memories and is quick to point out that Russia is no longer this way.

  The Russian General Store at 9629 Hillcroft Avenue, Houston, TX 77096 has a fantastic collection of Russian and other hard to find beer and wine from all over the world!

  Even Kosher Wine! But I liked seeing all the different foods the most!

Mr. Kogan has a son here in Houston, Mikhail.  Mikhail turns out is an artist!  So, you know me…I HAD to see his work!!!  I am fortunate enough that Mr. Kogan sent me a few images of his work – thanks!

  I love the use of the bold colors of Mikhail’s works and although they are a bit “dark” in nature, I think a lot of children are terrified of Santa and it sorta cracked me up! You can see more of Mikhail’s works on Facebook.

Mikhail Kogan’s artistic concentration is mainly rooted in surrealism, post-modern expressionism and abstract art. Through the use of colored pencils, water colors, acrylic paint, and charcoal, Mikhail creates original works of art with meaning and personal expression. Mikhail creates unique originals and commissioned art that is open to individual interpretation and understanding. 

I also learned of Mr. Kogan and his partner. Ms. Anna Levitin’s sponsorship of “Around The Corner”, which is a Folk Dancing Center and Children’s Theatre. What generous people! Hear Anna puts a lot of work into this as well!! Seems Ms. Levitin is always on the go and working hard!

“Za Uglom” (“Around the corner”): their dancing group “Uzori” and rehearsal of children theater for their performance of “The wizard of Oz”

Nice that the dance troop and children’s theatre is so close to their hearts!

What a great collection of interesting items!! I HAD to get 2 chocolate eggs with prizes inside!

Hope you enjoyed!  Next time you want to treat yourself to a fun adventure, check out The Russian General Store! 

As always, I thank each of you for your support and value you all! Thanks for visiting!

Elizabeth and Max

Russian General Store in Houston, Texas Today I had the pleasure of entering the Russian General store in Houston, Texas and having the chance to sit down and speak with Mr.

[alltheroadsmusic]

Things to do in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam lat10.77179 long106.70556

It is really easy to cross the boarder from Cambodia to Vietnam. There are loads of companies that serve different routes between those two countries. We started out from Kampot and decided to go to Ho Chi Minh City (formerly Saigon); it seemed a logical choice as we wanted to go north and, eventually, take a bus to Laos (spoiler: that didn’t work out).

The ride in itself wasn’t that bad. We started off in a minivan that took us to the boarder (around 4h from Kampot). The boarder crossing was one of the easiest we experienced so far. Our driver took our passports, went away to get us stamped out of Cambodia. Then we walked over to Vietnam, filled in a medical form and got stamped into Vietnam. Most EU citizens get a free visa for 15 days, so no way you can ripped off. Easy peasy.

From there, it got a bit .. boring. We were dropped off in a small town near the border and had to wait for another mini van that took us to a bus station where we took a sleeper bus to Ho Chi Minh City (or HCMC). By the time we arrived there, night had already fallen and although we had spent all day napping in all kinds of busses, we were exhausted.

HCMC is overwhelming as a city. It is the biggest city in Vietnam and is currently inhabited by more than 10 million people (suburbs included). As the city has grown (and still grows) suburbs and the city merge together and become one giant metropolitan area.

Most tourists stay in or around District 1 as it is not only conveniently close to major sights but also hosts a great amount of hostels, guesthouses, bars and restaurants. Expect to pay $5 - $9 for a bed in a dorm and $12 + for a private room.

What to do in HCMC?

Obviously, if you tried to see or do everything there is, it would take you weeks. Not only is there an abundance of historical monuments, museums and markets in the city itself, but there are also quite a few day trips that are definitely worth looking into.

We spent 3 days visiting the city and here are some of our highlights.

The War Remnants Museum. An absolute must-do when you’re in HCMC. It is safe to say that a great majority of people knows next to nothing about the Vietnam War, unless you’re really into foreign history or have relatives who lived through it. The exhibitions displayed in the museum will leave you shocked and amazed at the same time. The Vietnam War is an infinitely important part of the country’s recent history so there is no way around visiting the museum and learning more about it.

At 15.000 VND (around 70 cts) for a ticket, this is the one of the cheapest and at the same time most compelling attractions we’ve been to!

One thing to keep in mind when you plan your visit, the museum closes between noon and 1:30 pm. There is a small café across the street where you can wait but if you’re pressed for time it’d be silly to waste an hour and a half just sitting around.

Having a drink above the city. The evening we spent at Eon51 (the highest Sky bar in HCMC) is one of our most amazing memories. Maybe it was more special to us because we had never been to a Sky bar outside of Paris but HCMC is a beautiful city to look at from above - especially just before Vietnamese New Year. There were lights everywhere and a huge flower exposition right below us.

There is a number of Sky Bars around Ho Chi Minh. Quite a few of them do Happy Hours until 7 or 8 pm (50% of drinks for instance); Eon51 does not have a Happy Hour anymore although you can still find websites saying so. Most of the bars upload their drink menu onto their website so it is worth doing your research if you’re on a budget.

Ben Thanh Market. The centrally located market is everything you are looking for in an Asian market. It is so big that you can easily get lost if you don’t keep track of where you’re going and so crowded that you can easily feel claustrophobic. Walking in there as a tourist, vendors will throw themselves at you constantly and offering you everything from dried food, clothes and local food over handbags and jewellery to fresh juices, souvenirs and other edible and non edible items. You can find pretty cheap food stalls and juices, anything else needs to be haggled for. It is a great place to improve your negotiation skills as especially souvenirs are incredibly overpriced. For one of the souvenirs we bought we negotiated the price down to 1/5th of what it originally was (and we probably still paid too much) so don’t hesitate to walk away and don’t give into their “quality and expensive material” crap.

Cu Chi Tunnels. In order to see the Cu Chi Tunnels we needed to book a day trip as they are a 2 hour drive from the city centre (it’s only about 40 km but that’s how driving in Vietnam works). Fortunately, our hostel offered a half day trip at 5$ per person (not including the entrance fee of 110.000 VND).

Cu Chi is the name of the district in which the tunnels are located. The network of tunnels that served as refuge and military base for the North Vietnamese and the Viet Cong troops during Vietnam war expanded over 250 km at its peak.

Nowadays, a small part of the tunnel system is open to public and offers an insight into the life of a Viet Cong soldier and their families as well as their fighting techniques and their role in the war.

Walking around HCMC you will find many more places that are worth a visit such as the Independence Palace, Notre Dame Cathedral, the City Hall or the Opera House. A walk along the river can be a nice afternoon activity and there is an abundance of museums to choose from. It sure didn’t get boring!

But all good things need to come to an end and so we booked a bus to Nha Trang on Vietnamese New Year’s Eve.

Nha Trang is a coastal city inhabited by a bit less than half a million people. We didn’t really know what to expect as our only criteria for choosing this destination was that Nha Trang lies more or less half way between HCMC and Hoi An.

We thought it quite difficult to grow fond of the city. In terms of cultural sights the city itself doesn’t have much to offer except for Po Nagar Cham and a Pagoda.

There also is a waterfall about 20 km outside of the city. The rest consists mainly of travel agencies, coffee shops, restaurants and hotels. What struck us was the amount of Russian tourists. There are so many of them that shop owners talked to us in Russian instead of English. It got to the point where restaurants didn’t have menus in English - but in Russian - and that people turned away from us when they noticed we weren’t Russian. Overall, not the greatest experience we had in Vietnam. The beach was quite nice but we found the prices to be quite inflated so probably better to stick to other destinations by the beach.

Our first week in Vietnam was better than we had hoped (especially because it was Vietnamese New Year). Upon arrival in Vietnam we were a little prejudiced against the country and its people as we had read some rather discouraging accounts but after the first day already we fell in love with the culture and the Vietnamese hospitality.

From a random stranger who bought us rain coats when we were stuck under the pouring rain to being invited to dinner at our guesthouse for New Year’s, the Vietnamese proved to be one of the kindest people we have met in just a couple of days.