#but I've never written anything like that before

[undeadentropy]

Okay sure, I'll challenge myself with this. I've never gone in knowing the ending. But from a purely mechanical point, disco elysium was a huge collaborative effort, and the whole story is there before you, long before you know your place in it. I have no delusions of being able to match that level of detail and quality, but I can still have fun and try and get close. Or at least match vibes.

Also gotta create at least 25 protagonist voices so thats gonna be interesting. Not spoiling anything, but this adventure is gonna be magic based obviously, much more than Elysium. She lives in her cozy village, and it IS cozy. But there's still a reason her witch career left her like this. There's a reason to look for her neighbors cat. Everything has a reason and a consequence. Cozy needs to be fought for.

I'll brainstorm this and drop an @ when it's finished. It might take a while. I can't promise my normal quality in this, since it's outside my normal expertise, but it should be fun. I'm much less familiar with fanfics, even if it's au. But it's a chance to grow as a writer.

I gotta find that thing that let's me pull up dialogue to prevent personality and story drift too much. I want it to be a mirror to Elysium. It has fo be for the point to land.

Not sure how the politics will translate. Not much room for politics in cozy. But there are many divisions in our world, and all group interactions are politics. I think the key is that she isnt a detective cop. She's a witch. Who knows what kind of magical and mundane shIt she has to deal with? And I'm sorry but small villages absolutely have shit going on beneath the surface. I'll definitely come up with something.

It won't be Earth though. Like disco elysium, it will be set in its own universe similar to our own, but with its own history. You can't do disco elysium correctly if the audience knows anything going in. You must pass through the waters of Elysium with her for the story to work.

God I hope my schedule slows down so I can try and do this. I hope brain doesn't lose the spark too. Haven't written a word in over a year and I miss it. Maybe this will get me back into the swing of things.

[viasdiary]

can you write inexperienced luigi asking the reader to get him ready for college, like taking his virginity

☆ be my first (luigi mangione x reader)

☆ word count: 2.1k

☆ warnings: smut, crying, overstimulation, unprotected sex, barely proofread

☆ inexperienced luigi who tutored you through high school asks you to take his virginity before he goes off to college.

it’s late afternoon, and you’ve just stepped out of the shower when your phone rings. you see it’s luigi calling, and you answer almost instantly.

"hey," he greets you, his voice warm and familiar.

"hey, lu," you reply, a grin spreading across your face. "it's been, like, forever since we talked."

"i know," he says softly, and you can almost hear the smile in his voice, maybe even picture the slight blush creeping across his cheeks.

"what’s up?" you ask, curious.

his voice shifts slightly, a little hesitant, like he’s preparing for something important.

"i was wondering if i could come over later… i just have something i need some help with," he admits, sounding almost embarrassed.

"yeah, of course," you respond, offering him a reassuring tone.

"thanks," he breathes out, sounding relieved. "it means a lot. i'll see you later, then."

the hours stretch on as you wait for him to arrive. time feels like it’s moving agonizingly slow. you try to distract yourself, but your mind keeps drifting back to the upcoming visit. you haven't seen luigi in so long. you lay on your couch, looking out the large front window at the setting sun, golden light streaming into your small living room.

when the doorbell finally rings, you get up, take a deep breath to calm your racing thoughts. you open the door, and there he is.

luigi stands on your doorstep, looking even more handsome than usual, his usual nervous energy written all over him. his dark curls are slightly tousled, and he’s wearing a simple white t-shirt and baggy jeans. his nervous fidgeting only makes him more endearing.

"hey," you greet him casually, trying to hide the rush of emotions swirling inside you.

"hey," he replies, his voice a little shaky, but his smile is warm. he steps over the threshold, and you gesture for him to sit down on the couch. you sit next to him, maintaining a little space between you, trying to let the air settle between you both.

an awkward silence falls over you two. you both seem to be searching for the right words. then, with a small sigh, you decide to break the ice.

"so, what did you need help with?" you ask, keeping your voice light but curious.

luigi takes a moment, his eyes flitting around the room before he finally speaks up. "i was wondering if you could help me… with something personal."

you nod, trying not to look too puzzled, though a small knot of curiosity tightens in your chest.

"uh, sure," you say, your voice calm, but your mind is already racing with possibilities.

"what is it?"

he hesitates for a moment, then seems to gather the courage to say it.

"i want to lose my virginity before i leave for college," he blurts out, his voice barely above a whisper.

you're caught off guard. the vulnerability in his words hits you hard. you never expected him to say something like that, especially not about you.

all the moments you’d shared, those study sessions, the way he'd always been there to help—did they mean something more to him all along? you’re suddenly overwhelmed with a mix of confusion and honor that he’s chosen you for such a deeply personal request.

“where is this even coming from?” you ask, still reeling from the shock. luigi's cheeks flush, and his eyes dart nervously to the side.

"i've always kinda had feelings for you," he admits, almost shyly. "but i was too scared to say anything before. and now that i’m leaving… i just don't want to go without having experienced this with someone i trust. someone who means a lot to me."

your heart races as you process his words. all those times he’d gone out of his way to help you, to be there for you, had it been more than just friendship all along?

"are you sure about this, lu?" you ask softly, your voice gentle, your hand unconsciously reaching out to touch his arm. "this is a big step. i don't want you to feel like you have to do it just because you're leaving." he looks at you, his expression more determined now, his voice steadier. "i’ve thought about it a lot. i’m sure."

a mix of emotions swells inside you—nervousness, excitement, and something deeper you can't quite put your finger on. this is a big moment, but you can tell he’s thought it through.

"okay," you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper. you gently place your hand on his arm, a comforting touch as you stand up and guide him down the hallway to your room.

there's no turning back now, and as you walk together, you know this moment will change everything between the two of you.

once in your room, you close the door, and the air becomes thick with anticipation. he takes a seat on the bed, looking nervous and unsure, so you move closer to him, trying to calm his nerves.

"we don't have to do anything you don't want to," you assure him.

"we can stop anytime, just-"

"no," he interrupts you, sounding firmer than usual.

"i want this, i want you to be my first"

there's an unspoken need in his voice, and you can tell he's serious. he places his hand on your thigh as he speaks, looking you deeply in the eyes.

you bite your lip to hold back the words that want to spill out. you want him, too.

he looks at you, his expression a mixture of nervousness and need, and you can't help but smile. you reach out and touch his cheek gently, feeling the heat rising under your fingertips.

you lean in slowly, giving him time to stop you, but he doesn’t. you press your lips to his, the kiss soft and tentative at first, then growing more passionate as he returns it. his hands slide up your back, pulling you closer, and you melt into the kiss, your arms wrapping around his neck. he finds his way on top of you as you embrace him, his weight slightly pressing you into the mattress.

your bodies press together, and you can feel the heat building between you. your hands wander across his back, sliding underneath his shirt, feeling his skin warm and soft against yours. you pull his shirt off, letting it fall to the floor, then run your fingers across his bare chest, tracing shapes around his freckles. he shivers at the contact. you part your lips and break the kiss.

"is this okay?" you ask, a whisper against his skin. his voice is low and desperate, his words coming out in a rush.

"god, yes," he says, his hands moving over your body, exploring every curve.

he slides his hands up the hem of your shirt, his fingers brushing against the soft skin of your stomach. you lift your arms, allowing him to remove your shirt and toss it aside.

his hands continue exploring your body, and you feel a growing warmth between your legs. he cups one of your breasts, gently massaging the sensitive flesh. you arch into his touch, and he leans down, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear.

"god, you're so beautiful," he whispers.

you moan softly, your fingers tangling in his curls, pulling him closer. you move your hips forward, grinding against him, eliciting a groan from him.

"you know how long i've wanted to do this?" he breathes "god, all the times you were in my room studying, i was so hard just fucking looking at you"

"shut up," you say, feeling a grin spreading across your face.

"i'm fuckin' serious," he says smiling against your skin

he begins to plant kisses down your neck and along your collarbone, his tongue flicking across the sensitive skin.

"fuck," you moan, your hips bucking against him.

"i've been waiting. so. long," he says, punctuating each word with a kiss.

you grip his shoulders, holding him close. he continues his exploration, trailing kisses across your chest, his hands sliding up your back.

his hands find the clasp of your bra, undoing it easily. he slides the straps off your shoulders, tossing it aside. he cups your breasts, his thumbs brushing against the hard nipples, drawing a gasp from your lips.

"is this alright?" he asks, his voice low and uncertain. you bite your lip and nod, arching into his touch. he's a virgin, but he knows exactly what to do.

he leans down and takes one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking gently. you moan, tangling your fingers in his hair. he moves his hands down, cupping your ass, pulling you closer.

"god, luigi," you gasp, the feeling of his tongue on your skin driving you crazy.

he smiles against your skin, his eyes dark and hungry. he begins to tug at the waistband of your pants, and you eagerly lift your hips, letting him slide them off. he tosses them aside, his gaze never leaving yours.

"so fuckin' gorgeous," he murmurs, his hands roaming across your bare skin.

he slides a hand down the front of your underwear, and you gasp as his fingers brush against your clit.

"luigi," you moan, arching into his touch.

"you want this, don't you?" he asks, his voice soft and gentle. you nod, feeling the wetness pooling between your legs. he presses his thumb against your clit, sending a wave of pleasure through your body. you cry out, gripping his shoulders tightly. he slides a finger inside you, curling it slightly.

"yes," you gasp, your hips moving against him.

"tell me," he groans.

"i want you, luigi," you moan, your voice needy. "i want you so bad." he withdraws his hand, and you whimper at the loss of contact. he strips off his remaining clothes, and you admire his toned body and his delicately placed freckles. he kneels between your legs, his hands sliding up your thighs.

he positions himself at your entrance, and you moan softly, desperate for him to be inside you.

"please," you whimper.

"i need you."

he enters you slowly, a whine escaping his lips. he'd never felt pleasure so intense before. you're both overcome with the feeling of each other. you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

"fuck," he groans, burying his face in the crook of your neck. he thrusts into you slowly, taking his time. you're both lost in the sensation, your bodies pressed together.

"oh god, luigi," you moan, raking your nails down his back.

"you feel so fuckin' good," he says, his voice a low moan.

you feel yourself tightening around him. he thrusts harder, hitting just the right spot.

"fuck," you cry out, clinging to him desperately.

"god, i'm gonna cum," he gasps, his hips moving faster. you could feel his need, his desire for you, his love.

"let go, baby," you whisper, cupping his face in your hands. "i've got you."

he finishes with a cry, burying his face in your neck, his body trembling with pleasure.

"jesus," he says, his breathing ragged. he collapses on top of you, and you hold him close, running your fingers through his soft curls.

"did you finish?" he asks, still breathless.

"no," you reply, feeling a little embarrassed. "can we keep going?"

he looks down at you, his expression one of pure bliss.

"god, yes," he says with a soft chuckle.

he kisses you hungrily, his hands roaming across your body. he reaches down, circling your clit with his thumb.

"oh god," you moan, arching into his touch. he keeps thrusting into you, and you feel him shaking and overstimulated

"you're so fuckin' tight," he says softly.

you cling to him, the pressure building inside you. you're both teetering on the edge again, the sensation overwhelming.

"oh fuck, luigi," you gasp, your nails digging into his back. he's trembling as he pounds into you relentlessly, you can feel him crying against your chest.

"i love you," he whimpers.

"oh god, i love you too."

it hits you suddenly, the orgasm ripping through your body. you cry out, clinging to him, your entire body shaking.

"god, yes," he groans, his hips stuttering. he comes undone, spilling inside you once again.

you're both spent, sweaty, and breathing hard. he pulls out and rolls onto his back, his chest heaving.

"fuck,"

he mutters.

"god, you were amazing."

[phosph-ate]

Hide Away

Dr. Phosphorus x GN!Reader

Summary: Dr. Phosphorus has you feeling things. You are sure these feelings are one-sided, but after hiding from your feelings you come to realize that is not true.

CW: Suggestive themes, 18+, dry humping, biting, you get freaky in a closet, rick refers to you as kid, you are immune to dr phosphorus but no other details of how/what you are is given, no beta.

WC: 0.8k

A/N: divider by cafekitsune. this is just a random idea; I wanted to get freaky in a closet with the skeleton thus this was born. I do plan on making maybe a little series for phosphorus x reader... And maybe a p2 for this with maybe a fem and male reader... idk I'm bouncing ideas around right now. Also, side note, I've only ever written reader inserts or character x oc, and this show has me wanting to do character x character fics... anyway, let's goooo!

You were crumbling. Fast.

You watched Dr. Phosphorus from across the room. Your eyes wandered from his face to his ribs, down to his belt. You needed to know what he was like. What he felt like. You needed him.

“Are you okay?” Nina nudged you.

“Uh,” You looked away from the man you were swooning over. You were hot. Everything was so hot. “I just need some fresh air.”

You turned away from Nina and walked down the hall. As you continued, thoughts plagued you. The glances you would share with Phosphorus, the small touches here and there. It was driving you insane. You figured you could not say anything. So you kept your thoughts to yourself.

You, on autopilot, found a closet and quickly entered it. You needed to get your mind off of him, and immediately. Once you realized you were in a fucking closet, you had to think of a gameplan to get to your room. Maybe you could handle the situation yourself.

You sat down, back against the wall, and shut your eyes tight. The only source of light coming into the room was from under the door. Other than that, you sat in the dark. You sucked in air and placed your head in your hands. Your world was spinning, leaving you to not notice the door opening.

“This is your idea of getting some fresh air?” The closet door shut and suddenly it was not completely dark in the room. You could definitely make out Dr. Phosphorus.

“Oh!” You jumped and tried to scoot further back but realized you could not get any closer to the wall. “I was just- I’m thinking!” You ended up snapping at him.

“About…-”

You could not handle it anymore. “About you!” You tried to keep your voice down. You groaned and hugged yourself. “It’s always you…” You huffed. “I want- No, I need to know what it’s like-”

“What do you need to know?” Oh, he was smug.

“Everything!” You stood up and looked at him, really looked at him. “I want to feel you; I want you to touch me! Dr. Phosphorus-”

“Call me Alex.” He corrected you.

Your face was burning now. Your eyes widened and you sucked in air. “Alex,” You were begging, “I need you.”

You thought he was smug before. He stepped towards you and his hands reached for you. “Are you sure?” He sounded like he was trying hard to compose himself. To keep himself from pouncing on you.

You nodded, “I’ve never needed anything more in my entire fucking life.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. Dr. Phosphorus grabbed you. His hands grabbed your hips, and he pulled you close to him. You were pressed against the wall, and he stared at you. At least, you were sure that was what he was doing. “Can I kiss you?” You begged.

“Please.” It was his turn to beg. You kissed him, gently on the cheek. You began to pepper kisses across his face and your eyes shut. You moved slightly, getting a better angle, and Dr. Phosphorus moaned. His grip on you tightened and you rubbed your hips into his. He let out a whine.

It was music to your ears.

“I’ve been thinking about you too.” His voice was husky. “Every time you laugh-” He continued, and you stopped kissing him and your head fell back from pleasure, “-and you lean back, I just want to-” He could not control himself anymore. His hips bucked into yours while you kept grinding against him and his teeth scraped your throat.

An airy noise escaped you and your eyes shut tight. You grabbed his coat and held on, knuckles turning colors from your grip. “Do that again. Please, Alex.” You whined. Dr. Phosphorus obliged. His teeth biting at your exposed skin, dragging from your throat to your collarbone.

Chills ran up your spine and you moaned. A little too loudly.

A fist banged on the closet door and neither of you responded. The door swung open. “What the fuck!?” Rick shouted. You ignored him. You felt too good to care.

Dr. Phosphorus kept grinding against you, his grip on you becoming bruising. And then, suddenly, there was nothing. Dr. Phosphorus was ripped from you and thrown out of the closet. You stood there, shocked and horny.

“We’ll continue this later,” Dr. Phosphorus reassured you.

Rick ran a hand through his hair and groaned. “Not in a fucking closet you won’t!” He snapped. “Come on out, kid.” He motioned for you to leave the closet.

“Can I get some fresh air now?” You looked at Rick in a daze.

“As long as you don’t get caught with him outside.” Rick glared at Dr. Phosphorus.

You nodded. You definitely needed to think. And, if Phosphorus was not pulling your leg about continuing later, you could wait for release.

[hypertranced]

i don't think I could ever accurately describe the disappointment I feel whenever I think about arcane now.

I loved season 1. I was hyperfixated on it in a way I had never been before. every single day I would think about these characters, their arcs, their relationships. I would scourge youtube and other sites for analysis, reactions, and opinions because I couldn't get enough. I made multiple playlists and would listen to them on the daily just envisioning all the possibilities.

when season 2 was set to come out I was ecstatic. I spent the months leading up to it lying in wait. when it came out I got a netflix subscription, stayed up every night til the episodes dropped and watched them twice for good measure. I knew that the pacing was going to be fast so I wasn't so thrown off by that, but I was a little put off by how much differently certain characters acted. jinx felt akin to herself but not the same, not as intense and unhinged. caitlyn felt like she got too cruel too quickly. vi felt like a completely different character with vi's face slapped on.

i tried to defend the choices made as the season went on, tried to come up with reasons why they were made. it's never a good sign when you have to rationalize a series decisions, but I kept trying to. when I finished the final act I knew I couldn't defend it anymore. I wanted to so desperately but I knew in my heart that I couldn't. they set up such a profound story of class conflict and familial pain then proceeded to do nothing extravagant with it. it was so generic and shoddily written it's almost painful.

now whenever I see anything talking about arcane I tense up. I hear it out, but whenever I hear praise for season 2 that isn't strictly about the animation I sigh. whenever I hear someone say season 2 was as good as the first I roll my eyes so hard they might get stuck to the back of my head. I've never had a hyperfixation so thoroughly crushed by an addition to a series. I'd almost be impressed if I wasn't so disappointed.

[monbons]

Stitches and Sentences Sunday

Thanks for the tags @martsonmars and @artsyunderstudy. I loved reading your WIP snips. As always, such delicious delicious words from both of you.

This is a long update with video and some mild NSFW, so I am slapping everything under the cut. Enjoy!

STITCHES I resolved to take it easy in the new year, so I have no big doll projects on the horizon. I've just been slowly plugging away at MRB Simon as I sat on planes and in airports for hours on end this break.

But Monica, didn't you make him for COC? Well, yes and no...

As soon as I started making things for COC, I realized the only way to make the project sustainable was to create what I now call "base Simon" and "base Baz." These consisted of a head, torso, and legs. Then, depending on the position required, sometimes I swapped out the arms (on one occasion the legs), and I always changed the clothing and/or accessories. As a result, MRB Simon was actually ONLY arms and some hasty pipe cleaner flowers.

After wrapping up the last post, I cleaned up the CHAOS that had exploded in my bedroom and the little disembodied arms sitting on my desk began haunting me. So, I decided to complete MRB Simon. Here he is in all his naked glory.

I would like to add the disclaimer that I didn't know anything about embroidery before this. Truly. I taught myself three simple stitches in one night from youtube just to have these arms made in time for COC. So, given that, I am pretty happy with how he's turned out. I am still waiting on shoes and a few accessories to arrive, but once he is finished, I'll give him his own dedicated post and mail him off to @rimeswithpurple as a thank you for all of her help with my COC Watford map.

SENTENCES As I said, I was trying to take it easy. Not so much a resolution as what I needed after all the madness. However, almost as soon as I made the decision, I was struck by creative lightning. I've learned that you never walk away from inspiration, so I've cranked out almost all of my EGF fic already and it is in the hands of my trusty forever beta.

I have nothing I want to preview just yet because it is the filthiest thing I have ever written while also not being very filthy at all??? I don't know how else to explain it then to share the comment I left @thewholelemon on my doc.

Perhaps I will feel brave enough to share more in upcoming weeks. Since it was inspired by a slutty doll accessory I stumbled upon and have since commissioned for one of my dolls, I may also illustrate my own fic. We'll see.

Hellos and high-fives from the smutty doll factory!

@alexalexinii, @argumentativeantitheticalg, @aristocratic-otter, @arthurkko, @artsyunderstudy

@best--dress, @blackberrysummerblog, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @bookish-bogwitch, @confused-bi-queer

@cutestkilla, @drowninginships, @emeryhall, @facewithoutheart, @harrie-leithillustration

@hushed-chorus, @iamamythologicalcreature, @ic3que3n, @ileadacharmedlife, @katatsumuli,

@larkral, @letraspal, @martsonmars, @messofthejess, @mooncello,

@noblecorgi, @orange-peony, @prettygoododds, @raenestee, @rbkzz,

@rimeswithpurple, @roomwithanopenfire, @run-for-chamo-miles, @shrekgogurt, @skeedelvee

@stitchyqueer, @talentpiper11, @twinkle-twinkle-up-above, @theimpossibledemon, @thewholelemon,

@valeffelees, @whatevertheweather, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold

[harringtonstilinski]

I Wish You Would - Gator Tillman

Author: @harringtonstilinski​ Characters: Gator Tillman x Reader Word Count: 9,975 Warnings: fluff, angst, reader gets slapped, but it's not described and there's no signs of it happening, gator being super soft for his girl, Requested: no | yes; Smut: no | yes; car sex, protected (m+f) A/N: Hi, friends! I know I said I would never write for Gator, but I had an idea in my head and I had to get it out. I hope I did Gator justice! Also, he calls reader Dollface, and Roy(gross) calls her Little Darlin'. I've never written anything like this before, so please check the triggers above. Some of these scenes were hard for me to write. BUT, if you like this, please do not hesitate to reblog and give some feedback, whether it be in the reblogs, comments, or my inbox. As always, read at your own risk and enjoy 😊

HIGH SCHOOL, SENIORS, FALL 2009

“Surprise, shitbird.”

You couldn’t help but look up from your book to roll your eyes at the boy in front of you. Shaking your head, you went back to look at the words on the pages before your head popped up again at hearing a kid say, “Stop it, Tillman.”

Sighing, you closed your book and stood, approaching the two males. Tapping the instigator on the shoulder, you said, “Hey. Tillman.”

He turned around to face you. “What?”

“Follow me.” You waited for him to nod his head before you wrapped your arm around his, making sure he was going to follow you. Once you two were truly alone, you turned to him, fire in your eyes. “What the heck, Gator?”

“What do you mean? That’s the boy that wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“Yeah. In the first grade! We’re freaking Seniors now, Gator! He’s left me alone since I told on him.”

He just looked at you confused, so you sighed and elaborated, “My mom ended up talking to his mom, who’s married to one of your dad’s deputies. Apparently, his dad got onto him and said that if  he didn’t stop messing with me that he would put him in handcuffs and bring him to my house to let my dad beat the shit out of him while his stood and watched.”

Still confused, Gator said, “But your dad works for mine, too.”

“Oh, my god,” you breathed. “That’s not the point, G. The point is that he’s left me alone for years, so there’s no need to beat the kid up over it.”

Sighing and looking down, Gator nodded. “I’m sorry.” Looking back up at you, Gator looked into your eyes for a second before pulling you into a hug, which you gladly returned. Pulling back, he rested his hands on either side of your neck, his thumbs gently brushing the underside of your jaw. “You coming to the game tonight?”

“I haven’t missed one yet,” you replied. “I’m ain’t gonna start now.” Smiling at him softly, you leaned into his touch, not wanting the moment to end.

You and Gator had been best friends prior to preschool, your dads working together and your moms best friends since the both of you were about two years old. Throughout the years of playdates and outings your moms had planned, you ended up developing a crush on Gator, and he you, but you two obviously never said anything to each other.

“Good,” he said. “‘Cause I’d kick your ass if  you did.”

Laughing, you shook your head, wrapping your arms around his middle for one more hug as the bell for the last class of the day rang. He reciprocated the hug, wrapping his own arms around your neck, gently, before kissing the top of your head.

“Hey, Tillman!” a voice rang out, causing a sigh to sound from you as the person ruined a moment between you and your best friend… one you might not get again after the game.

~~~

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Gator seethed, hobbling around his room on crutches as you laid on his bed on your stomach.

It was a couple of weeks after that game. Gator had gotten tackled pretty badly by another player, a cornerback, and broke parts of his leg. Needless to say, Gator was pissed and still is.

“I’m tellin’ ya, dollface. He’s got it coming.”

“G–”

“He did that shit on purpose,” he said, stopping to face you. “He’s got another thing coming, and–”

“You've got another thing comin',” you sang, giggling at the unamused look on Gator’s face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“He’s not gonna know what hit him. Literally.”

Rising from his bed, you stood in front of him, looking at him like he’s the only boy left in the world. Whispering, you said, “You can’t get in trouble with Roy again because of you acting on impulse. I know- stop -” Gator sighed heavily, like  he didn’t want to hear your words. “I know the guy hurt you and basically shut down your career, but that doesn’t mean that-” He then tried to look away from you, but you put your hand on his chin to guide his eyes back to your own. “Look at me - that doesn’t mean you go and retaliate.”

Gator sighed and brought his forehead down to meet yours. “I know, but I’m so pissed off that I don’t know what else to do other than hurt the one who hurt me.”

“I know, G.  I know.”

You both looked at each other, something in the air shifting as you both started leaning towards each other. Just as your lips were about to touch, a knock sounded on his bedroom door. “Gator! Take Little Darlin’ home. It’s getting late.”

A shiver ran down your spine at the nickname that Roy gave you as a child. “I hate it when he calls me that,” you whispered. “It’s creepy.”

“Yeah, well, he’s a creepy motherfucker anyway,” Gator whispered back. Bringing a hand up, he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “Come on, dollface. Let me take you home.”

Once the two of you exited his room and got to his truck, you smiled a little as you got comfortable in the passenger seat. “Thank goodness he broke your left leg,” you said, a smile on your face as Gator put his crutches in the backseat. “Or else the Creep would have to take me home.”

Gator chuckled as he slid into the driver’s seat. After starting the truck, he started the journey to your home, the radio playing quietly as background noise. You loved riding with Gator; just the two of you.

When Gator got his driver’s license, the two of you would drive down all the back roads with the windows down, blaring whatever song or band the two of you were into at the time. It was your favorite thing to do before Gator’s football career got a little bit more serious last year.

Now, as you’re riding with the windows down and listening to the music that’s quietly playing, you closed your eyes, reminiscing.

“What’cha thinkin’ about over there?” Gator asked.

With a smile on your face, all you could do was happily sigh before replying. “Just thinkin’ about how we used to do this all the time before you became super popular last year.”

“Hey. What have I told you about all that? I’m still the same Gator–

“Just a little bit tougher and meaner.” You air quoted the word tougher because to you, Gator was nothing more than a big teddy bear with big emotions. To everyone else, he was the hardass, popular quarterback that had dreams of making it big.

“Only to everyone else. Not to you.” He snuck a glance at you before putting his eyes back on the road, his crush growing tenfold. Sighing, he pulled into your driveway, your dad standing outside on the porch, his cellphone up to his ear.

Since you had your window down, you heard him say, “Yup. They just pulled up. Yup. Will do, Roy,” before he hung up and stood near the steps, his arms resting on the railing as he leaned over just a touch. “Let’s go, kid!”

Sighing, you looked over at Gator, who had opened his door to get out of the truck. “Gator, stop. You don’t need to get out. Not with your leg. Stay. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. He and your father didn’t get along that well. Your father expected more out of him, just like Roy did, and when Gator didn’t deliver to Roy’s standards at home, Roy would tell your father, and well… you get the picture.

“Yes, G. I’m sure.” You leaned over and kissed his cheek which caused him to close his eyes and let out a deep breath, your lips lingering for a moment before softly whispering, “Good night, Gator.”

Opening his eyes, he turned his head to look at you, gently resting his forehead on yours. “Good night, dollface. I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that, you got out of the truck and walked up the five steps to your front porch, your dad’s voice stopping you as he said, “You can do better than that little lizard boy.”

All you could do was close your eyes, trying not to let the tears you could feel building up fall over your lower lash line. “And mom could do better than you.” You walked into the house without a care in the world, knowing what was to come at that comment.

Later that night, you laid in your bed, silent tears streaming down your cheeks, feeling the remnants of your fathers hand.

The next day at school, you avoided Gator, not wanting to talk about what happened after you walked into your house the night before. You knew he was still sitting in your driveway, waiting for you to enter the house before leaving, and seeing the small interaction with you and your dad. You had also heard that he took a tire iron to the kid that broke his leg, after he promised you he wouldn’t.

You successfully avoided Gator the remainder of the week, knowing that you just sealed your fate of your friendship possibly being over.

~~~

FALL 2019, TEN YEARS LATER

A lot happened in the last ten years since you started avoiding Gator, but you kept up with him through rumors and stories at school, as well as news articles and such through college and most of your adult life.

Now, at the age of 27, you find yourself back on the Tillman Ranch with your father and mother in tow. “Why do I have to do this?” you asked, sitting in the backseat of your dad’s truck. 

“Because we haven’t seen them in a long time,” your mother said. “You haven’t even asked about Gator since your senior year of high school.” Turning to face you, she asked, “By the way, what happened there? You two were so close. I just don’t–”

“Mother, please drop it. It’s not important.” Sighing, you straightened your back before smoothing down your hair. “Let’s get this over with.”

Exiting the truck, your lip curled up slightly in disgust. Roy was standing on the porch, a beer in hand, smiling at your family of three. “John! It’s about time y’all got here!”

Wrapping an arm around you, your father answered, “Had to convenience this one here to get dressed and in the truck.”

You stiffened, remembering the night that everything changed for you and your friendship with Gator. Giving a tightlipped smile, you looked at Roy, and sarcastically said, “Just so happy to be here.”

“Jess and Maude will be happy to know that you’re here,” Karen said, coming to stand by her husband.

Jessica and Maude Tillman, Gator’s half twin-sisters, were born the year after you stopped talking with Gator. You babysat them while going to the local college in the next town over for a little bit of extra money.

Your smile softened a little at hearing the twin’s names. Before you could go and see them, however, Roy directed you all the back of the house, where a long table was set up. “Seems like y’all still do big Sunday dinners.”

“Well, little darlin’, when you’re a Child of God, you gather the family around and have a nice dinner,” Roy said, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

You quickly moved away and turned to go into the house to retrieve a glass of the stronger liquor you knew Roy had, but seeing a certain person had you stopping dead in your tracks. You knew what he’d done with his life since you “broke up” with him all those years ago. 

He had his hair slicked back with it faded on the sides and the back with two slits on the left side of his head. A black button down donned his chest, a watch on his left wrist and a pair of jeans on his legs, with a pair of boots.

“Damn,” you whispered.

“Hey, dollface,” Gator said softly. “It’s, uhh… it’s good to see you.”

You just stood there, basically gawking at him as he walked down the steps. Snapping out of whatever trance you were in, you said, “Uh, y-yeah.” After the two of you kissed each other's cheeks in greeting, you stood there for a moment, taking in his scent. “Y-you, too, G.”

Letting out a breathy chuckle, he said, “Haven’t heard that single letter in ten years.”

Without missing a beat, you said, “I know. I know. I’m sorry.”

“Hey.” Gently cupping your jaw, Gator shook his head, brows furrowed. “Don’t apologize for that. I don’t know your reasoning for it, but just know… that I forgive you.”

Leaning into his touch, you smiled softly, replying with that same softness in your voice. “Thanks, G.”

“Anytime, dollface.”

“Gator. Little Darlin’--”

You shivered at the use of those words. “I always hated when he called me that. Still do.”

“Come take your seats so we can say grace and eat.”

~~~

After what seemed like a calm dinner the night before, you and Gator exchanged numbers; you getting a new phone after high school to separate yourself from the town of Lehigh, and Gator because of his multiple run-ins with his coworkers.

You learned that night that Roy made Gator deputy, what with Gator being a nepo baby and all. When your dad offered you a front desk job at the station, you declined and moved out of state to attend college.

Now, as you look out of the passenger side window of your dads truck with your head resting on the window, you find yourself going right back to the Tillman Ranch. 

“The girls are at school, so you won’t be able to see them today,” your father said.

“That’s fine,” you softly replied. Picking your head up, you wondered, “I wonder if they still have Aurora.”

Aurora was a beautiful American Quarter Horse that was gifted to you when you were about 7 years old from Roy. Back before you know big of a big creep he was.

You left her behind when you left Lehigh, and you never stopped thinking about her.

“I wonder if she’d remember me,” you whispered, more to yourself.

“Of course she will,” your dad said. “Horses have great memory. Just go–”

“Slow.  I know.”

Getting out of the truck after your father parked, you slowly made your way to the barn, seeing a man leaning on the gate, a cigarette in hand. Deciding to ignore him, you leaned against the gate, as well, immediately spotting your beloved horse.

She was being led by Roy’s employee, Bowman, into the barn. “Hey, little miss.”

“Hey, Bowman,” you replied, never taking your eyes off your horse. “How she been?”

“She’s been good.” He stopped in front of you with Aurora. “Been keeping her healthy, been getting her exercise.”

“Still giving her apples and carrots?” you asked, reaching your hand out. Aurora sniffed your hand before nuzzling her nose on your palm. A smile graced your face.

“She remembers you,” Bowman said, a small smile on his own face.

“I was afraid she wouldn’t.” You looked up at him, seeing him looking in the direction behind you.

“I’ll leave you to it.” He leaned forward a little to whisper in your ear, “If you wanna ride, she’s all set for ya. Just hop the gate like old times.” He then turned around and walked off, not giving you a chance to reply.

You ignored the footsteps behind you, hearing Roy’s voice not 10 seconds later. “What happened?” he asked.

“You send a man to do a job without all the information, how can the job be done?” the man next to you said. 

Deciding to be nosy, you turned your head over your shoulder, watching as Gator, dressed in a police uniform and black ballcap, stepped forward, asking, “Yeah, what are you?” He hit the man's back before asking, “The Riddler?”

You tucked your lips between your teeth to keep from giggling. The two of you loved the Batman movie growing up; the one with Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson.

“You say the woman is a woman, a…” the man said, slightly turning his head your way, looking you in the eyes. “How do you…?”

Since you don’t know what he’s talking about, you shake your head ever so slightly, letting him know you don’t have a clue.

“Housewife.” Turning to face Roy and Gator, he continues, “Never do you mean she is, for real, a tiger.”

“You saying you couldn’t handle some girl? 100 pounds soaking wet? Huh?” Gator asked, hitting the man in the arm.

“G,” you whispered, not realizing you even spoke at all until he looked at you.

The man took a drag from his cigarette as Gator continued, “It was on the wire this morning. This half-wit shot up a fillin’ station outside Beulah. Murdered the clerk. Killed a state trooper. Put a hole in the leg of another.” He chuckled. “And this retard’s partner with a cracked skull and his face half burned off in the morgue.”

All you could do was stand there and look at Gator, wondering what happened to him for him to end up just like his father.

“You say housewife,” the man replied. “So, I bring one guy. You say tiger… that’s a different guy. Cost you three times.”

“Did they take her?” Roy asked. “The police.”

Before you could think about your words and stop yourself, you asked, “Wait. I thought you were the police. Who the hell are you looking for that’s not right here in Lehigh?”

“Dollface,” Gator whispered, causing your eyes to shift from his father’s to his own hazel ones. He looked at you with a look that said he’d either tell you later or to just drop it.

Answering Roy, the man said, “Fled on foot. Possibly home. Possibly to the wind.”

Gator thought it was funny, the man’s riddles, but Roy wanted to stay on topic. “Could you find her?” 

“She could be found.”

“Who’s she?” you asked, more to yourself than anything.

“Where people go, the thoughts they have, these are known to me. Instincts. Who flees, who fights. It’s a question of price. The job it was, not the job you said.”

Looking at the left side of this man’s head, you just now noticed a gash, blood covering the area with some on his temple, going down halfway to his cheek. 

“Pain and suffering.  A man, missing an appendage, self-sewing his own skin. Scarred for life, he’s told. And then this new ask. Hunting a tiger. And it forces the man to ask: why you want the tiger?”

After a few second pause, Roy answered, “She’s my wife.”

“Don’t tell him shit,” Gator quietly said. Walking up to his father, he whispered, “I already said I can handle this. We know where she lives now. Her alias.”

Looking back at your horse, you sighed, running a hand down the bridge of her nose before walking up to the two Tillman men. “If someone could kindly tell me what the hell is going on, I’d much appreciate it.”

Putting a hand on Gator’s chest, Roy pushed him back a few steps, now seeing what the hell happened with Gator. Looking down at you, Roy said, “She made vows to me. A pledge. In sickness and in health.” He looked back at the man, continuing his words. “Consider it a debt unpaid, leaving me in limbo. Husband yes or husband no. See, she hid from me nine, ten years. Interest accrued. Until the debt could no longer be paid with money. Then, one day, there she is, fingerprints in the system. Now the limbo can end, the debt can be collected. Tell me something, friend. If a man is pure, his actions are only ever good. You believe that?”

You looked over at Gator, seeing the bad standing in front of you, but knowing there’s nothing but pure good sitting deep inside his bones.

“I’m a nihilist,” the man replied.

“What the fuck does that mean?” you and Gator asked at the same time.

“I believe in nothing.”

“You believe in money,” Roy said. “Yeah?” At not receiving an answer from this man, Roy said, “Well, thanks for your help. Go on with Gator. He’ll get you paid.” Looking down at you, he said, “Why don’t you go with him, little darlin’? Catch up after all these years.”

“Dad,” Gator said.

“Original plus pain and suffering,” the man said.

Holding your hand out to him, you asked, “What the fuck is his name?”

  Ignoring you, Roy said, “Yeah, of course.” Looking at Gator, he said, “Take it out of the rainy day fund. Fixing place.”

Confused, you looked at Gator, wondering what the fixing place was.

Looking back and forth between his dad and the man, Gator said, “Fixing place. Right.” Landing his eyes on the stranger you still don’t know the name of, he said, “Come on, numbnuts.” He turned his head, looking at you. “Come with me, dollface.”

You walked around Roy, following Gator. “What the fuck, G?” you whisper-shouted. “What the hell happened when I left? What the fuck is the fixing place?”

Grabbing your hand, he laced your fingers together, sighing. “A lot. I’ll tell you everything later.”

Somehow along the way, the man ended up in front of you and Gator. He had released your hand to grab a container from his pocket; that container holding chewing tobacco, also known as dip.

“You dip now?” you asked, crossing your arms.

Shrugging, Gator replied, “It’s better than smoking.”

“They’re both equally bad.”

Gator put the dip container back in his pocket as the man bent over and picked up a cigarette off the ground.

“I’m not saying, but you understand,” Gator said, looking at the man. “I had to rough you up a little back there. You coming up snake eyes and all.”

As the three of you walked, you looked off to the side, seeing a couple men with shotguns through the bushes.

“With her being such a tiny bird, which…” Gator snickered. “Ya’know… they used to be dinosaurs.” 

“Oh, my god,” you whispered. You looked at Gator, noticing that he put his hand out toward you, he silently asked you to stop while he and the man took a few more steps forward. 

The man turned to face Gator with the cigarette in his mouth, the latter spitting out some of the disgusting dip.

“Hundreds okay?” Putting his hand on the man’s arm, Gator forced the man to turn around before turning to face you to mouth cover your ears.

You did as he asked, watching as he took the gun you didn’t notice he had from the holster, holding it out toward the man. Looking through the bushes again, you now saw that the two men were standing in front of the man, their guns at the ready.

“Surprise, shitbird,” Gator said.

The man turned and flicked his cigarette at Gator, who dodged it while pulling the trigger on the firearm, the sound causing you to jump. You watched as the man grabbed Gator’s right arm, hearing his bones crunch before the guy put his hand on Gator’s junk, squeezing, knowing the pain it’s causing your best friend.

Tears sprung to your eyes as you heard Gator’s muffled screams. You continued watching as the guy retrieved a gun you definitely didn’t know he had while pushing Gator back, pointing it over your best friend’s left shoulder and firing off three rounds, Gator’s shouts ringing out in your ears over the shots.

Everything else seemed to happen in a blur. One moment you’re watching the events unfold. Next, you’re kneeling beside Gator, hand in between his shoulder blades as he vomits from all the pain he’s experienced in the last 5 minutes.

“Little Darlin’,” Roy said.

You chose to ignore him, instead focusing on your best friend. “It’s okay, G. You’re gonna be fine.”

~~~

After you took Gator to the hospital to get cast on his broken arm and then back to his house, you drove back to your parents house, trying to get a little of sleep, but as you watched the sun rise with a cup of coffee in hand, you realized that you didn’t get not a lick of sleep.

You went about your day helping your mom around the house before you decided to go see Aurora again, riding her for about an hour before you spotted Gator watching you, a small smile on his face.

When you got off of her, you stroked her neck, letting her know what a good girl she was before Bowman took her back to the stable for some treats and rest. Without a word, you followed Gator towards a man-made hot tub, seeing that Roy was sitting in it.

Since the two of you were a good ways away from him, you looked at Gator, noticing that he was wobbling. “You walkin’ like that ‘cause of that guy grabbing your balls?”

“Be lucky you don’t have these,” he replied. “Hurts like hell.”

You’ve also noticed that since being back in Lehigh, your filter was off because you said, “I know a way to make them feel better.”

Gator chuckled, and you… well, you were mortified. “Glad to see your sense of humor is still there.”

“Yeah,” you replied. “Me, too.”

Silence followed as the two of you stepped closer to the wooden tub. Gator stepped up on it, groaning. You tried to hide your chuckle behind your hand as you walked beside him on the ground, not wanting to be near Roy.

“You gonna make it there, sunshine?” Roy asked.

Since you had stopped to the side of Gator, you watched as he rubbed near his dick and balls, sighing. “Fucker got the drop on me.”

Looking at Roy, you asked with complete and utter disgust, “When the fuck did you get nipple piercings?”

Ignoring you, he asked Gator, “Tell me her name again?”

“Uh, goes by Dorothy Lyon now,” he replied. “Lives in a suburb outside the Twin Cities.”

“Married, you said?”

“Going on ten years. Husband owns a car dealership, some kind of… uh, Korean model.”

“Koreans make cars?”

“I guess.”

“Oh, dear heavens,” you whispered, looking out at the land to your right. “You two need to get out of this stupid town more.”

“Anyway, she’s got a daughter. Names Scotty. She’s about nine.”

Roy took in a breath, one that sounded angry before a man came over the radio, saying, “Roy, we got FBI here.”

Grabbing the radio with a fat cigar in his mouth, Roy said into it, “Let’s send ‘em up.”

“Wait. The fucking FBI?! What kind of shit have you two gotten into?” you asked. Noticing Gator has his hand out a little towards you, you stopped talking to see what was about to take place.

“What do you want me to…?” Gator asked.

“Ahhh, don’t worry about it,” Roy answered, just as two FBI agents walked up the wooden tubs deck. 

Gator walked backwards, gently grabbing your arm and pulling you up on the deck with him, his arm going around your stomach as he pressed your back to his front. “Just go with it, okay?” he asked. His voice was quiet enough to where only you could hear as you softly nodded your head.

“Hard day at the office?” the male agent asked.

“Like the sign says, he’s a hard man for hard times,” Roy answered. “And by he, I mean me.”

Watching as the agent handed a card to Roy, you took in a breath,  feeling Gator’s fingertips lightly rub against your stomach as his father read the card aloud. “Agent ‘Ja-Queen’.” Roy handed the card to Gator, your eyes catching it.

“It’s Joaquin,” the agent said. Gesturing to his partner, he added, “This is Agent Meyer. We’re new in the Fargo office. We thought we’d come by, see why you weren’t enforcing any of our laws.”

“What laws?”

“Oh, you know,” Joaquin replied. “Gun laws, drug laws. Any of the half-dozen other American laws passed and ratified by the US Government that you don’t seem to recognize.”

“Well, Agent Ja-Queen, I think you’ll find that there is no one on God’s green earth who is a greater enforcer of the laws of this land than Roy Tillman.”

You inwardly groaned, tilting your head back to rest on Gator’s shoulder, feeling his lips meet your temple. That kiss that was doing things to the pit of your stomach.

“Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ here?” Meyer asked.

“But…” Roy said. You could hear the smile in his words. “...what you need to know is that I am the law of the land. Elected by the residents of his county to interpret and enforce the Constitution given to us by Almighty God.

All Agent Joaquin did was hum his answer, which prompted Gator to add, “Freedom.”

Being a smartass, you raised your hand in the air, saying, “Amen and amen. Thank you, God!”

“You know, I hear that word a lot around here,” Agent Meyer said.

“You’re just so nonchalant,” you said, picking your head up. “I wish I could be that nonchalant.”

“I’m curious,” she said, not acknowledging what you just said. “What you think that word means.”

“Agent, if you don’t know what freedom is,” Roy said. “I don’t think me saying the words out loud is gonna teach you.” You watched him from the corner of your eye turn his head towards you and Gator. “Why don’t you two go and do your chores?”

Tapping your side, you and Gator stepped forward, seeing the white card being flung from Gator by your head. Grabbing your hand again, he said, “Let’s go, dollface. Come help me with my chores.”

~~~

“Come help me with my chores, he said. What he failed to fucking mention is us actually getting into his fucking cop car to drive to the fucking hospital.”

“Dollface–,”

“Don’t you fucking dollface me, Gator Tillman,” you said, pointing at him. “I’m not the one keeping fucking secrets here. You told me you’d tell me what was going on and you fucking haven’t.”

Taking a deep breath, he twisted in the passenger seat of the truck another officer was driving, turning to face you. “You wanna know what’s going on? I’ll tell ya. When you left, I was torn apart. I wanted to follow you, but Roy wouldn’t let me; told me I had to stay here and help run the Ranch. You know how tough it was for me growing up. My mom dying when I was young, Dot coming in and then leaving, and now Karen and the twins. I got into some messed up shit over the years. All I wanted was to know that you were safe. All I wanted was–”

He stopped himself as you felt tears build on your waterline. “All you wanted was love and validation from your father,” you whispered. “That’s all I ever wanted from you, and all I ever wanted from mine as well. G, we both had shitty lives, but that doesn’t mean we follow in our father’s footsteps.”

“At least you got out.”

“But I also came back and stayed,” you whispered. “I was supposed to leave after dinner last night, but all I could think about was my best friend and how much he might need me to stick around.”

“I’m glad you did,” Gator whispered back.

It was silent for a moment before you heard him take a breath. “We were looking for Dot, and we found her. Dad’s on this hellbent… whatever you wanna call it… to get her back at the house.”

“Why’d she leave?”

“The abuse, dollface. She knew if she stayed–”

“She’d die by the hands of Roy.” You sighed, deeply, not knowing what else to say. “What about you? Did you go through the ranks at the station or did your dad just appoint you Deputy ‘cause of you being his nepo baby?”

That made Gator chuckle. “Uhm, I guess a little of both?”

“Well,” you said, knowing your filter is forever gone. “The uniform and baseball cap is a good fucking look on you.”

“Let’s go, babe,” he said. “We gotta ask a patient a few questions.”

~~~

As the two of you walked down the hallway in the hospital, you could hear a male’s voice and female’s voice grow louder as you drew closer. With your hand in Gator’s, you suddenly felt nervous.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Gator said, his voice soft. Stopping his steps, he turned to look at you, and you him. “I’m gonna have to be hardass, so… just…”

Sighing, you said, “Let you do your job.”

Nodding, Gator released a breath. He kissed your forehead before turning back to take a step forward, but stopped himself and looked back at you with his head tilted a little. “I need that filter back on, though. Can’t have you fucking up my job.”

You couldn’t help the smile that formed on your lips. “Okay,” you whispered, letting him lead you into the hospital where a man sits up in the hospital bed, a woman standing at the end in a police uniform.

“What do you know?” Gator said, stopping for a second before looking down at you. “It’s a party.”

You quietly giggled before he walked the two of you to the end of the bed right before the female officer started speaking.

“Indira Olmstead, Scandia Police Department,” she introduced, shaking Gator’s hand.

“Ah,” he said. Looking back at you, he said, “Look, baby. A city girl.”

“Well, we prefer women these days.”

“He’s old school,” you said, wrapping your hand around his upper arm to look over at her. With a smile on your face, you added, “There’s no getting him out of that mindset.”

“Well, the rest is accurate.”

“How can we help you, stranger?” the man asked.

You couldn’t help but feel extremely bad for him, seeing him laying in that bed. A thought ran through your mind; is the persona Gator brought up the day before? The one with the hole in his leg?

“Sheriff’s Deputy,” Gator said. “Stark County.”

Because you felt bad for this man, you quietly said, “He just needs to ask you a few questions.”

“Sounds like you had a mix-up in my neck of the woods last night, which–”

“They run a pretty tight ship, so…” you interrupted. Feeling Gator squeeze your hand, you squeezed back while rubbing your hand up and down his arm, trying to let him know that it’s okay. “He takes it personal when bad people show up.”

“This job will grind you down if you take it too personal,” the man said.

“What can I say?” Gator said. “I like being on the right side of a gunfight. Especially for my girl here.” You two looked at each other before he took a breath and looked at Officer Olmstead. “Heard you say you had a picture of the perps?”

“Uh, victim,” she said. “Female.”

“Right. Saw something about, uhh, a woman got taken. Or escaped or something?”

You inwardly groaned, realizing that he was bad at playing dumb.

“We think these fellas grabbed her up in Minnesota,” Indira stated. “Taking her to points west when the trooper pulled them over.”

So, now some more pieces were falling into place. Dorothy, who you now know is Dot, was taken by who you think is the man that was in the barn speaking in riddles. He and his partner, whoever that is, stopped a gas station where all hell broke loose. This man in the bed in front of you was caught in the crossfire and now has a hole in his leg, most likely from being shot.

“She killed one, the recidivist Donald Ireland, I think they said,” the man said. “The other one got away.”

“Sounds like a real Comanche, this female you’re hunting,” Gator inquired.

“Like I said, I got a photo,” Indira said. Gator reached over and took her phone from her hand. “Excuse me.”

“G,” you whispered to only where he could hear. You watched him as he scrolled through her photos.

“So, what, she some kind of criminal, also?” he asked.

“What are you doing?” you asked, still in that same super quiet tone.

He clicked on a photo, their voices dying out as you looked at a photo of Dot, holding a mugshot sign at a police station. You watched as he deleted the photo, Indira not even looking in your direction.

“Oops,” Gator said, bringing you out of your own moment. “What’d I do? Babe, what’d I do?”

Shrugging, you said, “I don’t know. I zoned out.” Which wasn’t a total lie.

“What’d’ya…” she asked, taking her phone back.

“I must’a, I don’t know,  I pressed something,” Gator responded.

“Darn it,” she quietly exclaimed. “You deleted the victim, her photo.”

“Yeah, this man here and technology never saw eye to eye,” you said. “I used to sit beside him in computer class, teaching him how to open up a writing document.” You chuckled. You did have to do that once, so, again, it wasn’t a total lie.

“Especially now,” he added. Bringing up his hand, he said, “This wrist-breaker,” while shaking his hand, a small groan passing his lips.

Dumbass.

“No, no, it’s my fault,” Officer Olmstead said. “I’m not sure what I was thinking bringing the one.”

“Mistakes happen,” you said. “Happens to all of us.”

“Well,” the man said. “I hope you find her. “If it was her, saved my life, I think.”

“Oh, no, she’s home,” Indira said. “A little worse for wear but intact.”

Looking at Gator, you saw him quickly move his eyes towards her, his hand squeezing yours like he got the answer he wanted. 

“Strangest thing, though,” she continued. “Despite all evidence, she’s claimin’ it never happened.”

“Never… what now?” the male asked.

“Says nobody broke in, says she wasn’t taken. Just went for a wander for ten hours and then came home and cooked breakfast.”

“Cry for attention, sounds like,” Gator muttered. “Drama queen trying to make her husband sick.”

“Who said she has a husband?”

Again, you squeezed his hand, a little harder than before.

Chuckling, you said, “He’s just assuming, ya’know.”

“Description said 30s in the police report, so…”

“Well, all I know is, the woman I met broke loose like somebody who knows how small the cage can get,” the man said. “Wish you had that picture. Like to meet that woman again, thank her.”

“For what?” you asked.

“Far as I can tell she’s the one got you shot in the first place,” Gator said.

“Oh, the job got  me shot,” he said. “She was just… trying to get free. But you know what they say; protect and serve.”

Gator chuckled before he said, “Yeah, I’m down with protect, but…” He looked down for a moment before looking back and saying, “I ain’t in the service industry. I’m in the kicking ass and taking names business.”

He pulled out a vape that you didn’t know he had, inhaling the chemicals and blowing the smoke out, the scent of the vape filling your nostrils. 

“You two have a nice day,” he added, tipping his ball cap at Officer Olmstead before looking at you and saying, “Come on, dollface.” 

You followed him willingly back down the hallway. Deciding not to question where he was leading you, you found yourself in the alleyway, another one of Roy’s officers standing against the wall. Gator helped up into the backseat of the truck before getting into the passenger side. He looked at the officer, a smirk on his face as he said, “Consider that bitch flummoxed,” as the truck started moving in reverse.

Oh, Gator, you thought to yourself. What the fuck have you gotten yourself into?

~~~

You hadn’t realized you’d fallen asleep until the sounds of This is Halloween from The Nightmare Before Christmas met your ears, not to mention it being dark outside. You moaned, the ache in your neck causing you some uncomfort.

“G,” you groaned. “I’m hella thirsty, and I want a snack.”

“Okay, dollface. Hey,” he said. “Pull in here. She’s wanting something inside, and I gotta take a piss.”

You heard the inhale of breath before smelling that flavor of the vape. Something has shifted between you and Gator since those agents showed up. He’s held your hand, called you baby or babe, your arm wrapped around his as you two stand in silence. It’s something you can’t quite pin, but you know something has definitely shifted.

The officer driving the truck pulled up to the door as Gator turned in his seat to face you. “Stay here, okay? Don’t move.”

Not wanting to take that chance, you nod your head and lean back against the seat, observing Gator as he asked the officer if he wanted a pop, to which he said no and got out. Your eyes shifted out of the window,  watching as Gator gets out and walks to the door just as a guy walks backwards out of the store, hands full of items he’d just bought.

You tapped on the window, yelling out “G!” before he could do something irrational, watching as he disappeared into the store. Not five minutes later, you jumped at hearing a thud on the window on the driver’s side of the truck, seeing a body before hearing gurgling noises.

“Oh, my god,” you whispered. “Gator, please hurry.” Tears sprung to your eyes as you watched the officer’s body slide to the left of the truck right before you heard Gator’s voice say, “I got us some jerky, dollface,” before ripping the top off with his teeth. “Well, me. It’s the spicy kind.”

Getting into the car, he added, “Better keep these windows down. You know what spicy foods do to me.” You could hear munching coming from the front seat, silent tears falling down your face.

“Oh, here,” he said, reaching back to hand you your $3 water and bag of chips. You tentatively took it from his hand, setting it down in the seat beside you as you heard Gator say, “Fuck, that’s hot,” and the tale tell signs of a soda bottle opening.

As he took a swig from the bottle, you saw him from the corner of your eye looking back at you. After swallowing the liquid, he asked, “Dollface, you okay?” before turning back to the front, asking himself, “Where is this guy?”

“G-Gator,” you said, voice shaky and quiet.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Outside.”

“Wh–” 

You guessed he looked out the window at the side mirror because he quickly ducked down in the seat, saying, “Baby, get down.” You did as he said, not wanting to get yourself killed like that officer that was driving the two of you.

Gator kept repeating, “Oh, my god,” as he got out of the truck, but not before saying, “Stay in the truck.”

“Gator,” you cried, not listening for even a second.

The two of you walked to the back of the truck, your hands covering your mouth as you squealed, seeing the guy laying dead on the ground, a cardboard sign stabbed into his chest that read YOU OWE ME.

Gator, with his gun drawn, looked around, breathing heavily before saying, “Oh, shit,” before looking down at the guy and repeating his words.

“Gator, call your dad,” you said. When he didn’t make a move, you shouted, “Gator, call your dad!”

Hearing the desperation in your voice, he holstered his gun to grab his phone, calling his father and asking him to get your location as quickly as he could.

Gator ushered you into the truck before dragging the man into the bed. When he got into the driver’s side, he drove off to a dark spot of the lot, not wanting to be seen by any passersby.

Roy pulled up about 15 minutes later, the two of you getting out of the truck.

“Called you directly,” Gator said, walking toward the back of the truck. “Didn’t want this going out on the wire.”

“Little Darlin’,” Roy said in surprise. “Why are you here? Why is she here?” The last question was directed at his son.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you gestured toward the bed of the truck. “G didn’t know what to do with him, so he stuck him back there.”

Roy looked at the dead man before exhaling. “Then where were you?” Looking at you, he asked the same question.

“I was draining the snake,” Gator replied. “Two minutes in and out.”

“I-I was in the backseat. I saw it happen. Just… too shocked to call anyone.”

“Did you get a look at the tape?” Roy asked, looking dead at Gator.

Gator sighed before saying, “State cops took the whole system last night on account of the other thing.” Scoffing, he looked over at you, disappointed with himself at bringing you along in the first place. Looking back at his dad, he said, “Can you believe this guy? Coming back to the scene of the crime? Like that?” He gestured to the dead man. “Talk about big balls.”

“Yeah, well, I bet yours shriveled up a little bit on account of him getting the jump on you,” Roy said. Looking at his son, he said, “Again.”

Letting his anger get the better of him, Gator took off his cap and threw it to the ground, exclaiming, “Son of a bitch!” before yelling out into the air, leaning back a little. 

“Alright, are you done?”

Scoffing, you couldn’t believe that Roy was treating his son this way. 

“Tell me again where you found this Munch guy?”

“I-is that really his name? Munch?” you asked, voice still shaky.

“He says it,” Gator said. “Ohh-lah, and I-I, I didn’t find him. I found his partner.”

“What, the guy with his head in the toilet?” Roy wondered.

Sniffling, you looked at each Tillman man. “W-Wait. There’s a guy with his head in the toilet?”

“Dead,” Gator said, quickly turning his body towards you for a moment before looking back at his father, who he nodded his head at.

“Alright, well, first order of business,” Roy said, sighing. “Little Darlin’ needs to go home. Second order of business, we need information, find out who this guy is. Priors, known accomplices, known hangouts. Then we smoke ‘em loose.”

“If he comes for us again?” Gator asked.

“Oh, believe me, he’s coming,” Roy snapped. “Sleep with your hammer cocked is my opinion, if you sleep at all.” He looked away from his son, muttering, “Jesus.” He picked up the sign and looked at it for a moment before placing it back on the tailgate of the truck. “Alright, the truck goes in the ditch. Alvie behind the wheel. Tell Bruno to report the cause of death as accidental. Then… go to his fiancee’s and break the news.”

“What are you gonna do?” Gator wondered.

“Don’t worry about what I’m gonna do, alright?”

Incredulously, you looked up at your best friend’s father, releasing a quick breath to show your emotion. “Excuse Gator for being a little worried about his fucking father!”

“Doll, it’s okay,” Gator whispered.

Completely disregarding you, Roy spoke to his son. “You’re oh for two here, kid. How do I teach you how to be a winner, you keep losing all the time?”

Your anger started to bubble to the surface, all the adrenaline you were feeling from seeing a murder starting to take shape.

Gator, wanting to impress you still after all those years, says, “I swear to God, him versus me, man-to-man, I’d wipe the floor with him.”

“Yeah, right. Like High Noon? Only happens in the movies, son. Real life, they’ll slit your throat while waiting for the light to change.” He walks away back to his truck, starts it and takes off while Gator walks up to the tailgate and lifts it to close.

“I’d like to slit his fucking throat,” you muttered.

~~~

When Gator finished the tasks that his father had set for him, he started to drive you home in complete silence. Once you noticed that you two were almost at your never-ending driveway, you looked at Gator, and said, “I don’t want to go home. I don’t think I can be alone after what happened tonight.”

He didn’t say anything; just kept on driving. You had wished he played the radio so that he couldn’t hear your soft cries, but you felt his hand on your thigh, you knew had heard you.

Sighing, he squeezed your leg softly. “Doll, I’m–”

“No,” you said, sniffling. “Please don’t. Not right now.”

“Okay,” he whispered. He never moved his hand from your thigh; the placement feeling like… home to him. It felt like home to you, as well. You never wanted him to move it.

“Hey, G?”

“Yeah, dollface?”

“Back in high school–”

“Oh, shit. Here we go.”

Chuckling at his reaction, you looked over at him before your quiet laughter died out. “Uhm… did you hurt that one kid with the tire iron after you told me you wouldn’t?”

Gator went dead quiet, not wanting to say a word. Of course he did, but he didn’t tell you because you had stopped talking to him and hanging out with him. “Why you askin’?” “Because I heard a rumor that you did, and I want you to be straight with me and tell me the truth.”

Sighing, he lightly squeezed your thigh before parking the vehicle in his designated spot. It was quiet for a moment before he nodded his head and said, “Yeah. I did.”

“Gator–” you sighed.

“Listen, I wanted revenge on the little fucker. I coulda gone all the way if he hadn’t broken my leg. Woulda had–”

“A better life?” you asked.

Gator nodded, turning his head to look at you. “I felt like I didn’t have a choice.”

You turned in your seat to face him, cupping his face. “You listen to me, Gator. You always have a choice. Even now, you have a choice. Just because you’re 27 doesn’t mean your choices stop. Your whole fucking life is full of choices. You just have to make the right ones.”

“Can I make one now?” he asked.

“Of course,” you said, brows furrowed.

Without so much as another word, he leaned forward and pressed his lips on yours, giving you the kiss he’d been wanting to give you since you both were sophomores in high school. A kiss that you reveled in, and returned with great passion.

You hadn’t even realized that you climbed over the middle console to straddle his lap. Breaking the kiss for a moment for some much needed air, you breathlessly asked, “Are Karen and the girls home?”

Looking around you, Gator roamed his eyes across the yard, not seeing her car. “I don’t see her car, but she could’ve parked somewhere else.”

“Feel like moving this one somewhere else? Don’t want anyone seeing us, right?”

“Seeing us make out?”

Leaning your head down on his shoulder, you sighed out his name, feeling his shoulder shake from laughter.

“I don’t care if they see,” he said, lifting your head. “I’ve been waiting for this fucking moment since I saw you the other day. Ya’know, other than the times when we were teenagers.”

“You wanted to fuck me then?” you asked, his answer coming out as a nod. Lightly hitting him in the shoulder, you smiled and said, “Why didn’t you ever say anything? I would have!”

“Well, we can now,” he said. “Get your beautiful ass in the back.”

Giggling, you awkwardly made your way to the back seat, watching as Gator also made his way into the back with you, hitting his head on the vehicle’s ceiling a couple of times. Looking up at it, he muttered, “Motherfucker,” before wrapping his arm around your back to guide you to lay down as he kissed you.

You grabbed as his vest, doing your best to take it off before growling in frustration. “Get this fucking thing off, G. It’s pissing me off.”

He chuckled, sitting up the best he could without hitting his head… again. You watched him expertly take off his vest and accessories, biting your bottom lip. Reaching forward, you grabbed the bottom of his shirt not tucked into his pants and pulled up, removing the shirt off his torso. 

Leaning back over you, Gator kissed you with more heat than before, his cock starting to strain in his pants. Pulling back, he kissed your cheek and jaw, working his way down to your neck. “I can’t wait to fuck this pussy. I’ve been dreaming of it for years, dollface.”

“Fuck, Gator,” you whispered. Closing your eyes, you let your senses heighten at the feel of his lips  on your neck, whimpering when you felt him suck on your sweet spot, his tongue licking over the mark he just made.

“That’s to let everyone know that you’re mine, doll. No one else’s. Am I clear?”

Nodding, you opened your eyes, looking him dead in his. “Y-Yes, sir.”

Growling, he lifted you  up to remove your shirt and bra, his eyes going straight to your breasts before going back to your own eyes. Laying you back down, he caged your head between his forearms, gently brushing your hair back. 

“What?” you whispered, gently brushing your hands up and down his sides.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered back.

Looking down at the patch of hair on his chest, your reply of, “You’re only saying that because I’m topless and you saw my breasts.”

Gator put his finger under your chin and raised your head the slightest bit to look into your eyes. “Yes, your breasts are beautiful, but you, dollface, are more beautiful.”

Tears filled your eyes as you took in Gator’s words. You valued being called beautiful more than any other adjective people use to describe someone’s looks. “So are you.” At the look Gator gave you, it made you laugh.

“You’re, like… handsomely beautiful,” you added.

“Okay then,” Gator said, softly. Placing his lips on yours, he decided then and there that he was going to make you his, no matter what. Pulling back just a little, he whispered, “Just so you know, dollface, I won’t go slow. I will risk tipping this fucking truck over as I pound that pussy of yours.”

“O-Ooooohhhhh, shit,” you stuttered, watching as Gator unbuttoned and unzipped your pants.

He guided the material down your legs along with your panties, taking off each shoe to make it easier. Once you were completely naked underneath him, Gator did his best to finish undressing himself before reaching into the front of the truck to retrieve a condom from… wherever he was reaching, you couldn’t see.

As your eyes met his, you watched from your periphery as he rolled the condom onto his hard cock before leaned back over you, placing his lips on yours as he slowly, but not so gently entered you.

“O-o-o-o-oh, ffffffffffffffuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkkk,” you moaned, reaching up to grab the back of his head. True to his word, Gator started to pound your pussy with just force that the truck, indeed, started to shake. “Just like that, G. Oh, my god, don’t stop!”

To better balance himself above you to look into your eyes, Gator placed his palm on the window, adding to the shakes of the truck. “God, you’re incredible!” he moaned, cupping your face.

You’d dreamt of this moment since your senior year of high school, just months before you stopped talking to Gator. You had thought about breaking your own silence with him by asking him to have sex with you, but you refrained, sticking to your guns, especially after he broke his promise to you.

Gator leaned down and kissed your lips with such fervor, you almost forgot how to breathe. “Yeah, yeah,” he moaned. “Almost there? Almost there?”

You couldn’t speak, this moment with him feeling in-fucking-credible. “I’m almost there, Gator. Don’t stop! If you do-” Moan. “I’ll cut your fucking dick off and feed to you.”

He chuckled, leaning down to kiss you again. His chuckle turned into a full on laugh when he heard pounding on the window above your head.

The both of you looked up, seeing none other than Roy Tillman standing there with your father, a look of shock on your face that quickly turned into one of pleasure as you felt Gator’s finger touch your clit.

“Fuck, Gator,” you moaned, not caring that your father was watching you get fucked.

“Gonna fuckin’ come for me, dollface?” Gator asked. “Gonna fuckin’ come all over this cock?”

“Yes,” you groaned. “I’m gonna come all over your cock. Oh, my god, I’m coming. Gator, I’m coming. I’m-” Your words were cut off with the loudest moan you’d ever done, loudly whimpering as your climax washed over you, your core turning sensitive. “Gator, I’m getting sens-”

“I’m almost there, dollface,” he groaned, dipping his head into your neck. Letting out a loud moan of his own after a few more thrusts, Gator was spilling into the condom, the both of you wishing it was you he was spilling into instead of the condom.

Gator decided to voice his thought, saying, “Fuck, that was amazing, dollface.” Looking up at you, he added, “But I wish I had come inside of your pussy rather this fuckin’ condom.”

Laughing, your hands cupped his cheeks, bringing him down towards your lips in a sweet kiss. 

Before the two of you could sit in the post-sex bliss, the knocking on the window sounded again, this time Roy’s voice coming through the window as he asked, “You two done?”

Looking from Gator to Roy, you replied, “I wouldn’t mind round two.”

“Get the hell out of the truck,” your father said, walking off. 

After your father and Roy walked off, you looked at Gator for a brief moment before the two started laughing, almost hysterically. “Come on, doll,” Gator said. “Let’s get you cleaned up and dressed.”

About ten minutes later, the two of you were dressed and walking into the house, ignoring both of your father’s stares as you walked through the kitchen and to the stairs, where Gator had stopped you just to kiss you.

Pulling back, he looked at you, a slight smile on his face. “I’ve always loved you, dollface. Did you know that?” With a smile on your face, you leaned up just the slightest, a smile on your face as you replied. “Yes, and I you, Gator Tillman.”

Pushing a piece of hair behind your ear, Gator said, “Now, here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna take you into my bedroom, eat this pussy until you’re coming all over my face, and then I’m gonna make the sweetest love to you before I pound that pussy once again until us and my sheets are covered in cum and sweat. What do you say?”

“I say…” You stepped up a couple of steps, now standing a little higher than Gator with a playful smirk on your face. “What are you waiting for, G?” Turning your back to him, you started walking up the stairs before looking back at him, squealing as you watched him run after you before you, too, bolted up the steps and into his room, ready for round two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N 2:  hi, friends! this is probably the longest standalone fic i've ever written, lol. let me know what you thought! again, please do not hesitate to reblog and give some feedback, whether it be in the reblogs, comments, or my inbox.

Additional Notes: as i stated above with the triggers, i've never written anything like this before. some of these scenes were hard to write. if you did read and you were triggered by it, please do not send me any hate comments or messages in my inbox for something of mine you read knowing what the triggers were. i just let my imagination run and this is what it came up with it.

~~~

Forever / Everything Taglist: @stiles-o-dylan24 @stixnstripesworld @fandom-princess-forevermore @quanticobae @mischiefandi @kellyashcroft @lauren-novak

Gator Tillman Taglist: @ali-r3n​

If you’re tagged and didn’t want to be, please let me know.

Italics wouldn’t let me tag!

~~~

*Please don’t post my writing anywhere else without my consent. The author of this work will always and forever be @harringtonstilinski​.

All characters, story lines and plot, aside from y/n and her storyline & plot, are all of the work of Noah Hawley.

*These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.

No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

Posted on January 4, 2025

[malinowaj]

2024 fandom review

thank you for the tag @nerdyfangirl76 and @almostlake 💜

warning: this got really long

fics written

in 2024, i posted 3 finished fics and one currently on-going WIP. in total that was 122,542 words and i keep looking at that number in complete disbelief.

i started the year by saying, multiple times, i'm not going to write anything because it's been nearly a decade since i wrote for fun. then i had an idea and was all "well, maybe if i wrote this one short thing, posted it and then dipped never to be seen again". insert my friend laughing at me at regular intervals because we all know that's not what happened.

always losing to win is very dear to me, for several reasons, and it'll never stop blowing my mind how many people have read it and been on that journey with me.

fics read

my AO3 history is about 300 fics, but i did not sort out my logins until months into the year, so the actual number is probably somewhere closer to 350.

i tried to pick a few favourite fics i read and limiting myself to just these is hard. i regret to say none of these have received the praise, comments and love from me that they deserve, because it took me months to get over my comment shyness. but i hope this makes up for it a bit. (new year's resolution: more comments for everyone.) in alphabetical order by title:

almost is never enough by @in-amor-veritas

there's a scene in this with kent's 747 that i have the strongest, plot-wise most insignificant headcanon about and i think about it every time i hear the song. which is often. and then i end up thinking about the whole story.

another dose by stargazers

it's such a beautiful version of wilmon, because it's so them. and it's hot.

chasing our sunlight by fitz_y

if there ever was a fic that lives rent free in my head, it's this. the way it deals with so many heavy topics has made me cry, but it's such an incredibly crafted story i come back to it often.

forever i'm yours by @goldenwilmon

the way the fall in love in this one? hands down one of my favourites ever. whenever i need some fluff and happiness in my life, this is the one i go for.

little light by @unfortunate17

possibly one of the first, if not the first, wilmon fic i read in 2024. it broke something in me, but also healed something in me.

reckless abandon by @zee-has-commitment-issues

i absolutely love the concept and the way all the characters are so well-rounded. one of the fics i could not stop reading and can't wait to read again.

so loaded, eye low by @enjoythesilentworld

the chemistry, the angst. the sweet, delicious angst. and hot as hell.

where be left off by @gulliblelemon

the best way for me to fight some physical pain? some emotional pain. and this one has it, in the best, most beautiful way. very few fics have i devoured like i did this one.

the wolf comes home by @phneltwrites

after months, i still keep thinking about a particular line in this one. the trauma aftermath, the way they deal with it. also my favourite established relationship wilmon.

looking forward to in 2025

i can't wait to read and see all the amazing fics and gifs and edits and everything this fandom comes up with. i already know there'll be so many wonderful things i'll enjoy.

as for my own writing, i'm trying to get a good chunk of hope and legacy written before the insanity that'll be my life from late january to the end of february. (no context chapter 4 spoiler: simon steals a flag.)

there is also in from the cold, the espionage AU i have about 10K written for - and that's barely the beginning. i don't know if it'll ever see the light of day, but i do love the concept and all the research i've done for it.

i have been thinking about space wilmon lately, and while i said i'm not going to go down that road myself, i did remember a few lines from record of a spaceborn few that may have sparked an idea. it might become something one day, or it might never be more than the few disjointed lines and ideas i have typed in my notes.

there's also a file with a list of songs that i might want to build stories around. in general i have a lot of ideas, but very few of them might become anything. i'd like to put it down as "english is not my first language so writing is slow" thing, and while it is that too, it's mostly me being a perfectionist and not able to let go. (which is why i should probably have a beta telling me 'this is fine, go post it'. if anyone feels up for doing that...)

the biggest, warmest thank you to everyone who's read anything i've written, left kudos or comments, sent messages, in any way engaged. it has made my year, and this fandom experience so special 💜

not tagging anyone, but if any of the authors i mentioned haven't done this yet and would like to, i'd love to read your reviews.

[canonically47]

i cannot ever get over gi-hun actually. the fact that he chooses to believe in the good of humanity even after witnessing what he has, and that he joins the games AGAIN with (mathematically) even LESS chances of survival JUST because he wants to save people, people who DON'T CARE, people who are SELFISH and who continuously betray and hurt him just fucking KILLS ME. a very big critique from many people (and i've noticed, especially men) about the second season and gi-hun's character is that he is stupid. they find him to be stupid that he has this weak spot for an uncaring crowd, that he comes back to the games to save people who wouldn't think of him twice, instead of going to his daughter. they think that him caring and despising a system this deeply is a sign of weakness and stupidity.

but if anything, i find it admirable. maybe i can't bring myself to hate him because i think i'd do the same thing. i watch him on-screen and think, "yeah, i would do that too", every single mistake, every single thing, i get him. and he may look stupid to some but i think if anything, he's just too caught up in an ideal world in which people care, but i find it admirable that this is his personality even after witnessing the previous games. he still has hope, they haven't wiped it away from him. comparing him to in-ho is like night and day, because in-ho was broken by the games and came back to perpetuate that same hurtful system, while gi-hun was broken by the games and came back to break the people that created the system, and the system itself.

he speaks to me, as an individual who clings to hope until his very last breath, who can never seem to learn from his mistakes because he is so stubborn, he wants to prove that humanity could, and should, have hope and that it's worth to fight for it, not to just leave for a different continent and forget about it. that's what draws me to him, this endless fight in him, i can't find him stupid because he's so desperate to change things. and he never gives up even after his friends die before him.

idk i just am really unwell about gi-hun. i think people treat him too harshly. i'm unsure how well this is worded, but what i really want to say is that i don't think he should be perfect and immediately learn from every single mistake he has ever made. the fact that he is this broken given his past, even before the games he's set up as this really caring and traumatized individual, and that they double down on his same characteristics that make him so incredibly real... he's just really special to me. i really admire the way he is written and i think he's a really good representation of people who fight for a change even when it all seems lost. he's just that kind of guy that doesn't, couldn't, will never give up. and i really love that.

[venomhoundfanworks]

Hiatus Extended

Happy belated new years everyone! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday season~

♡〜٩(˃▿˂ )۶〜♡

Straight to the point; I'm here to let ya'll know that I'm going to be extending my hiatus until the end of January. I'm not going away, don't worry!!

The name of this account and my main are also changing up: Main Account: HeckDoggo -> VenomHound Fan Work Account: Venomhound -> VenomHoundFanworks

✿°•∘୨୧∘•°✿‿✿°•∘୨୧∘•°✿‿✿°•∘୨୧∘•°✿

Little context, I made this blog completely on a whim. Don't get me wrong, I've been writing for years. I've just kept it all to my inner circle and never shared it. But thanks to the encouragement of my friend @writteninlunarlight-years, I decided to start up a blog and start sharing the Hazbin related stuff at least.

I honestly didn't expect this blog to go anywhere. I basically expected to be the kid eating glue in the corner of this website. But then people actually... liked my stuff? Some cool blogs that I follow even started following me and liking my stuff!

One of my resolutions this year was to stay with this blog, to keep at it, and to turn it into something I can be truly proud of. So! I'm doing a complete overhaul. At least aesthetically. So don't be surprised if things look different!

As mentioned before, I'm changing the names of this blog and my main one so they match. I'm not... quite sure what I want to do with my main blog yet? But I do know I have to clean it up and archive a bunch of stuff on it before anything. ε-(´∀｀; ) I have a couple projects in mind that I might eventually make side-blogs for, and I'd like to have a nice home base for them all to link back to.

Anyways, I just wanted to update ya'll and keep ya'll in the loop! I have some very nice stuff already written for when I come back... (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

[lorata]

This is so random, but what are some of your victors’ handwriting like? And how does their use of language differ from one another (regarding accents, vocabulary, cursing etc.)?

you know what, i've never considered their handwriting before

honestly they're probably pretty terrible! they're an uneducated bunch, most of them checked out around age 10-11, and everyone left school at 13. some finished their education post-victory (like odin or adessa) but most ....... did not*. a lot of them have undiagnosed learning disabilities as well (emory, brutus, claudius, likely others) and others have adhd (misha, devon at LEAST)

(*technically they have a super lopsided education because if you're a mentor you have to take stats, but you don't need like ....... the other mandatory high school classes, so they have these random analytics courses but have never written an essay longer than a hamburger)

odin and callista canonically have good penmanship. hera probably does also. adessa you'd THINK because she's so educated but no, she writes like a doctor's prescription pad, and only beetee can understand anything. emory has large, careful, childlike handwriting because she was illiterate and learned to write post-arena

the language question is REALLY hard to answer in an ask, lol. like, if you read a scene with a bunch of dialogue you'll see how the various characters speak, or even POVs will have their narrative voice, but trying to break it down outside of actual fiction is like ........... idk man

nero, brutus, emory and devon all have rural accents; the centre trains it out of them but they come back to it once they win, though devon is such a sponge that he keeps district standard more until he visits home and then suddenly oh there it is. lyme grew up with one but trained out of it herself, HARD. misha was a townie, ditto petra, enobaria and adessa. odin, hera, and calli all have the upper class accent. claudius would have if his mom hadn't kicked him out at seven - which hilariously means he sounds more like that in the no-Residential 14yo victor AU

vocabulary is more about persona. people expect adessa and odin to use larger words and so they do; brutus and nero, meanwhile, aren't, and so they don't, and this is mostly fine. but every so often brutus will drop a $5 word or adessa a real ugly swear just to remind you that what you're seeing isn't everything

(they can all perform district and panem standard as part of their official persona and mimic capitol dialect, though the latter is mostly for fun/mockery/sarcasm/making a point)

[the-arachnid-queen]

Happy birthday to the number 1 best boy! Yet another year of wishing you were real 😢

Happy birthday!!! 🎂🥳

[amogus-real-not-clickbait]

here's some benreys for y'all!!! it's meal time little ones!!!! nobody starves today. i provide

also random gordo he's here too i guess-

[whathorselegs]

☔️ ? :3

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

--

I have a whole skk hanahaki disease AU thought up and planned out that Idk if I'll ever get round to. It would be another multichapter fic that I can not devote the time to rn because of other projects I have going on but I think about it often.

Essentially, it would be Dazai develops Hanahaki Disease but he has no idea who he's in love with. He confesses to his latest fling, thinking that must be it, even if he doesn't think he has any strong of feelings for them. Only it doesn't work, he's still sick. So he resigns himself to die of it. It must be some mistake, he isn't human, he can't love, so he has no choice but to die.

Dazai starts to reason that it's not hanahaki disease at all, but some new similar disease that has nothing to do with romantic feelings. No matter what Yosano or anyone else tells him, he's convinced he's doomed to die of this disease.

Chuuya finds out about Dazai being sick and begrudgingly decides to look after him. If it really is something other than Hanahaki Disease maybe Dazai can recover from it. He'll make Dazai get better, whether Dazai likes or not. Dazai goes along with this because Chuuya is the only person not trying to convince him he's in love with someone. But also because he longs to be closer to Chuuya again and this gives him an excuse.

During his time looking after Dazai, Chuuya starts to realize his own feelings for Dazai but can't bring himself to ever confess. Instead he pushes down his feelings and decides to keep them secret. So he also develops Hanahaki Disease.

This only convinces Dazai more that what he has is not Hanahaki Disease because it's clearly contagious and he's just given it to Chuuya.

Thus ensues skk being peak oblivious idiots about their mutual feelings whilst coughing up flowers.

How it ends? Well that's a secret ;)

(the secret is I don't know yet)

[divorcedfiddleford]

it is friday my dudes (little hearts added by @tazmiilly)

[johnslittlespoon]

ch1 of the leaving!bikeriders au done. fuck

[sm64mario]

i have a question for the blog owner, but you can answer as mario if it's something you don't want to reveal:

why is the blog entering like a analog/digital horror arc

i'm bored and b3313 is still fresh on my mind. also i don't really know what else to do with the blog lol. put a polygonal plumber through problems why not.