jm-crumpet

[jm-crumpet]

Imagine you go to a parallel world and instead of coffee shops there are cafes where people bite rope

[jm-crumpet]

Woah, they're called hornets? Not hornies??

[jm-crumpet]

[jm-crumpet]

Imagine if aliens visited earth and their leader said something like, 'Hello Earthlings, I am Klaxoidonian-Bloobaroth, these are my colleagues Jeff and Emily'

[jm-crumpet]

I just left my local library, they only had a small aisle a half for science fiction AND fantasy 😔 I didn't even find the book I wanted.

[jm-crumpet]

I see the man in front of me playing chess on his phone, he's scratching his head. I get up, give him a nudge and say, "knight to d6, checkmate".

"Oh hey thanks" he replies as I waltz off, putting a cigarette in my mouth and adjusting my leather jacket.

The man makes the move and loses the game to a checkmate. He looks perplexed.

I suck the chocolate cigarette into my mouth and eat it in one go. I walk off into the sunset.

[jm-crumpet]

My idea for a Timecop reboot is one where the villain suddenly appears in front of medieval peasants in a wizards robe, gives them a single large skittle and tells them it's an invisibility stone they can ingest to stay unseen for a day

[jm-crumpet]

Historical fiction

A setting in a time long long ago in ancient briton but everyone has 1930s chicago accents. We don't know for sure that couldn't have been a thing, right? Right guys?

[jm-crumpet]

Guys, I heard for Halloween this year it's going to be Halloween for a whole month

[jm-crumpet]

I have finally realised what these bizarre scenarios/places I see in mobile game adverts are. They are the machinations of a tortured minds depiction of hell and madness

[jm-crumpet]

What a delightful subreddit

[jm-crumpet]

Take today to appreciate the softness of a tissue

[jm-crumpet]

Always make sure to say "that's okay", when your partner says bless you after sneezing. They will always appeciate that

[jm-crumpet]

80s film directors: "Can you make the horses as loud as possible? I want the audience to hear those hooves when they go to bed"

[jm-crumpet]

Oh my goodness, this is the best website feature ever

[jm-crumpet]

Story about a 6ft man who becomes more powerful by joining with another 6ft man to make 12ft man.

[jm-crumpet]

People are giving that couple shit for picking the mouse

Over an actual child but c'mon do you know how much you're gonna save in food and shampoo?