#but I've been in agony all day
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I both agree and disagree, not trying to be antagonistic or anything because I have a deathly allergy too.
Children's allergies should be taken seriously, their teachers are responsible for their wellbeing and should take their student's allergies seriously. Parents should be considerate of their kid's classmate's allergies. Because kids don't understand the severity of it all themselves and require adult guidance to learn how to be considerate of others.
Doctors and nurses are responsible for the wellbeing of patients, that's literally their career field: caring about people's health and safety. If either can't follow simple food safety guidelines then they should be reported because there's no way hospital administrators will tolerate any litigations involving them and putting their patients at risk with allergies. They should know the severity firsthand, and if they don't they should be denied any positions are healthcare facilities.
As for individual adults though, you're responsible for yourself. I'm not saying 'shut up and deal with it,' I'm saying 'you're responsible for making sure you get appropriate accommodations.' Most people who understand the severity of their allergies should have epinephrine on hand or know where they can get it; most people should be able to advocate for their own health safety. Or they have a trusted individual who can do both for them. You're not going to order paella if you have a seafood allergy---you're not even going to a seafood restaurant if you have a seafood allergy, and any self-respecting restaurant will happily reseat you if needed.
That woman on the flight should've been more responsible in seeking accommodations for her flight instead of waiting till the last minute. I'm sure the airline would've been more than happy to send out a notification email to all the passengers of that flight to ensure her safety, but doing so last minute inconveniences everyone. If I pay airport prices for an inflight snack I'm not got to just not eat it unless I'm given a replacement to compensate for wasting money. (That's a lie, I'm a soft person, I wouldn't actually eat something if someone tells me not to. But I am saying that I would eat it anyways because some people do think like that and you can't just assume everyone will be considerate.)
It's still not a laughable situation though, and in a service industry you should take those requests seriously. So, bad attendant. Of course, that's just an article that can only share one perspective of the situation. There's a chance it was a misunderstanding but the moral of the story is to take allergies seriously and properly research your travel options.
Also, don't email companies with the expectation that they'll respond the same week you sent it.
I wasn't going to derail the disability pride month post for people with peanut allergies but in relation to that topic
I have never seen another allergy that has been so viscerally hated and mocked by people working in education like nut allergies. I've seen fellow teachers cringe that their classroom was the "nut free" classroom that year. Support staff that are trained and willfully don't follow cross contamination protocol in the lunchroom because it's too "tedious" or "time-consuming". Full preschools + childcare centers that refuse to accommodate nut allergies. Schools where the only free lunch is a PB&J. Before/after school programs and summer programs whose food curriculum has nuts and doesn't provide an alternative activity.
Allergy discrimination is so so insidious and prevalent. It's happening behind their back and it is everything from the exposure joke to possibly causing someone to go into anaphylaxis from willful ignorance.
Also other parents in the classroom are guilty too. The "not my child not my problem" brain rot means that those lunchboxes are like bombs for airborne exposure allergies
#venting#ignore me#im probably putting my foot in my mouth#but I've been in agony all day#and cranky#and couldn't control myself
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as much as I would like to believe that Frederick and Asuka could be friends again, like, Freddy is building that rocket as fast as he can to kick his ass before the residual FoC and Gear power leaves his body. I'm sorry. I know I'm the Asuka apologist but dude. Nearly 2 centuries of the most unimaginable agony and festering sense of betrayal, compounded by Asuka goading him intentionally on multiple occassions (his reasoning behind all this goading aside) he is not just going to be able to let that go.
Asuka's crimes against humanity are one thing, you can argue til you're blue in the face about that and there's actual ground to cover there, but what he did to Frederick and Aria is like... damn dude. You, without their consent, turned them into gears. You lied about it to their faces too. Aria, someone who is cited as having her identity and who she is as a human being be one of the most important things to her, trusted you to put her into cryosleep because you said you'd find a way to save her so that she could be with Frederick. She didn't want that, she wanted to stay and spend the time she had left with Frederick instead, but she let you convince her cause she trusted you. And you took away her body, identity, and autonomy. You took Sol's humanity from him following that, lied to him about it, and then spent 200 years pissing him off so bad on purpose to make sure he'd always be there to help you fix everything. Oh, and then you made him kill his wife that you mutilated. Twice, essentially.
I love you Asuka, but shit, that's all kinds of levels of fucked my man. Frederick justifiably hates you really REALLY bad. I hope we get something in Dual Rulers settling this, cause Frederick just letting that go even following the events of Strive is just kinda unrealistic.
#sairambles#guilty gear#frederick bulsara#sol badguy#asuka r kreutz#aria hale#I've been thinking about it a lot recently#I think it'd take me like actual years to cover just this dynamic between the three of them alone#like Asuka and Sol being friends is important to me but#it's not really feasible. Sol's whole life and world was ruined for about 2 centuries#and Asuka is manipulative! He admits to that!#like at the end of the day it sucks but the price of saving the world was his most important relationships#and that is a tragedy because his very desire to cling desperately to the most important people in his life#is exactly what ruined him in the end#and that fucks me up SO bad#and then you gotta feel for Freddy too#like he essentially got caught in the crossfire#I forgot to talk about it in the post but he also had to spend those centuries suppressing violent gear bloodlust#like he wears that limiter for a reason#and Asuka made him that way on purpose. He āneeded a warriorā as he says in Overture#it's all just. so fucked#it's crazy to see how much AsuSol there is and then how much āSol hates Kyā there is next to it#Like... Sol and Ky are borderline familial#ESPECIALLY by the end of Xrd#Asuka though? He wants to kill that guy. Or at the VERY least beat him within an inch of his life#and even then man like#is that going to be enough?#after aria and 200 years of agony#like how much ass beating is really going to make you feel better? Is there any amount of violence that will let you get it all out?#shit man I don't think any amount would be enough for me
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sniffling and whimpering as i rewrite the response to this prompt for the third time, this time taking time to Actually write down all the points i want to cover first in detail instead of kind of just winging it because my brain is intense agony over all this and wants to be done as soon as possible
#weeping and wailing because i don't want to do this anymore#i've been pouring like 100% brain power into this thing for several hour long stretches and i'm still only barely 30% done . . . . . . . .#it's just been this one prompt kicking my whole ass on account of needing to back my claims with research#and i don't want to go through the trouble of research#wauhhhgh i just want this to be over ; ; ; ;#i just want to be able to wake up and not moan in agony over all the things that need to be done ; ; ;#let me savor the day and have the time and freedom to be impulsive every now and then skdjfhgjdsf#god i'll do it i'll get there but ouhhhhh i'm weepering ; ; ; ;
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sometimes i think about what would have happened if richard had died instead of henry and the rest of the book had been narrated the song of achilles style and it hurts
#raj shitposting#imagine had the fight led to the gun being thrown out the window. had henry seen that richard was shot. had the ambulance been too late..#that is the saddest thought i've ever had#henry would quit college. buy the estate he had seen with richard. live there with all his stuff and sob into his clothes like a baby...#he'd go to california every christmas and spend the time alone in some stupid hotel and become absolutely fucking unhinged.#he'd tend to richard's mother because ofc his father would run away from home that was the kind of man he was.#and he'd call no one but his own mother for her funeral because no one else would be bothered.#he'd send some money to richard's father along with the news and go about living his life like a goddamn widow.#that's the perfect word. widow. henry would be nothing but a widow.#the bmw would be the worst thing in his possession. he'd think about selling it but he wouldn't.#he'd think that anytime he had a semblance of thought that maybe richard was with him.. it would be in that fucking car.#he wouldn't sell it out of superstition that the car was the only place where he could safely feel richard and fall apart in his memory.#he'd cry like a madman every damn day in that car.while getting groceries.visiting francis at the country house.going for dinner with them.#he'd probably get a portrait done of richard. maybe of a photo of richard in some fancy clothes francis took at the country house.#yk those times rich people ugly cry by a full size painting in a burgundy robe with wine spilled on the floor by them clutching their chest#as if in physical pain and agony? that would be my man henry.#he'd be too out of his mind to even remember that maybe that day he killed charles too because nothing seems to matter anymore.#henry winter#richard papen#winterpapen#tsh#donna tartt#the secret history#literati
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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.
#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance#i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines#and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK#i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it#in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day#and it's still not done. GUHH#I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING#THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head#going to work on it some more. fuckk#the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal#themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it#sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l#go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow#so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff#i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh#why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)
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ah the best holiday of the year. spotify wrapped release day.
#i've been waiting all day to look at mine#bc my roommate's in class and we always look at ours together#its been AGONY#shut up bug
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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Since I pretty much tore the headcrab zombie mask down to just the base yesterday, I'm trying to figure out the best angle & pose for the new rigid forelimbs. I want them to look like they're jabbing into the host's chest while at rest and in an aggressive threat display when raised. I think I finally got it looking about how I want it, at least from the side profile-
#š Cryptid Sighting#š Photographic Evidence#Max Headcrab#Cosplay#Cosplay wip#The arms raise thanks to a simple lever mechanism that gets toggled when I open my jaw#The final mechanism will be hands-free. Just holding the interior jaw piece in place here to test out positioning#These have been the first couple days off in a while that I've mostly stayed home- it's been nice!#Iāve been going through my notes on this cosplay since itās been so long since I started it. Lots Iād forgotten!#There's definitely a benefit to the hindsight you gain after detaching yourself from a project for this long#It's easier to pick & choose through all the ideas that had once ALL been beholden to me- & toss the mid ones#I'm still not confident that this will turn out as well as I had hoped#but I'll feel better to say I did the damn thing than if I forever waffle over the exact perfect way to do it#Gotta remind myself that I'm still a cosplay novice and that I've never made something like this. It's not going to be perfect & that's ok#*sounds of agony trying to beat the perfectionism down with a crowbar- but that bitch fights back*
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the thing (well, one thing anyway) about chronic pain is how you'll have a day or half a day or even just a few hours that'll get you so close to just fucking wanting to end it all right then and there because you're just so tired of being in pain and it feeling like it'll never end and never get better, and your brain feels like it's on fire and you can't remember the last time you felt even just okay, much less fine or good.
and logically you know it'll probably be alright again in time, but the effort it takes to just make it through that moment is so exhausting that it just leaves you drained.
and it's not like you want to die, you just want the pain and misery to stop, and sometimes it feels like it never will. like you're just stuck on that endlessly-looping train track through hell with no stops to get off, and nothing will help you feel even minutely better at all.
#anyway. it's been a day so far and I have not been coping well today#just more migraine madness with a mean dizziness kick to it as has happened more and more often lately#and I didn't know if I'd be able to keep my pain meds down or if I would even be able to make it to lying down in time#nor how long I could lie down for before my neck would make it all worse again#I'm better now obviously but it was touch and go and it's not been the first time I've pondered if it's at all worth it#the taking meds every day to make sure I don't end up spiralling out of control from some mood episode#the taking more meds to try and keep my migraine in check when it seems as though it's just been getting worse#and like the meds are less and less effective (when I know I have zero alternatives bc of the meds I'm already on)#and I just get so tired. and fed up with it all. and I want to be hopeful and optimistic#but what am I doing it all for you know? is all this agony worth the few good days and moments#and logically I know the answer is yes. there is a lot more good in all those days than I can recall right now#but it's so hard to remember when I can barely open my eyes. barely get up. barely walk without being in pain#so I guess I just needed to get that out. no need to worry I'm not stupid and I'm far too stubborn to give up#I just wish the world would stop and quiet down for a bit so I could have a break. an actual one for once#a day in the life of..#about this gal
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if byan has your phone number, you will find yourself receiving way more selfies than you want
#and they WILL expect compliments tyvm#this is just a fact of being some amount of close with them smh#sometimes it's to show off their makeup or their outfit#other times it's simply that they're feelin cute#other other times it's to be a problem by sending u photo evidence of them doing that thing u told them not to#or flipping off the camera with the 'fuck you' tattoo on their middle finger on full display as a double fu#hey hi I've been in agony due to cramps all day so please accept my dumb rambling#I may try doing some writing after dinner if I'm feelin better but I don't have high hopes :/#āā Ė ā° ā° ooc ā® donāt @ me.
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#quick doodle because I've been working all day making a shed#i am not done btw#cries in physical agony but at least there is blorbos#lizard's art#ella greenwood#creepypasta oc#meatbag#gore cw
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Samsung guy also had the audacity to tell me to "just make a new account" and I got so mad cuz like. my only hope of seeing any of my memories from the past 5 years of my life are connected to that one account, and it's not even a guarantee. But it's still a small hope and I'm not giving it up.
#so I told him my daughter died and my only chance of seeing her again if I was able to log in to the cloud from my samsung account#shitty thing to do? yes ofc.#but also I'm frustrated with people continuously telling me to just make new accounts when my entire life from the age of 10+ is trapped#inside of accounts that I'll never be able to get into again without the help of like. 3 key accounts.#and 2 of those 3 have done fuck all to help#I'm just tired and this entire week has been a nightmare.#and it has been 8 days now. 8 days of damn near endless agony.#I'm gonna get a goddamn ulcer at this rate#anyways. I'm gonna try again tomorrow. My mom will let me use her phone to call a few places and hopefully I can get everything sorted out#please. god. universe. whatever or whoever. the bitch that cursed my ass.#it was funny and I've learned a very valuable lesson of hubris and patience and whatever else I was supposed to learn#can I just be okay now. can it be over. can I get on with my life and go back to being depressed over stupid shit#I'm just soooooo tired now.#flip-flopping between apathy and rage is an exhausting exercise
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a heem heem whimper
#it finally sank in that the zola anniversary is only 10 days away#and i'm suddenly very mournful that i didn't actually prepare anything#i've just been working on utau things and plp2 covers and character sheets and irl diy projects and other miscellaneous things for months#and it finally hit me that it's coming up and it feels like i've got a pit in my stomach#i want to participate and enjoy celebrating these boys who've been a large part of my work for the majority of those 10 years#but i also#can't really muster up the energy to do much of anything#the thought of drawing something leaves me feeling exhausted#and i can't really think of any composition that would really matter#i definitely can't finish a cover in that time frame#and all the āāācompletedāāā covers i have are seriously outdated#and though in theory i could get Somethingā¢ small done in 10 days#i also. need to finish art for an upcoming campaign and get back on my oto work . . . . . .#i just feel very terrible and weepy ; ; ;#and just kind of wishing i hadn't dropped what little i'd had ; ; ;#(even though i know i would have been miserable if i'd forced myself to keep working on it through till now)#augh . . . . .#the agonies of unmedicated ADHD i suppose . . . . . .
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I've fallen back into my SAB obsession, I need it to come out in the next hour or I am going to chew my leg off
#frothing at the mouth like a rabid dog#running in circles#all I've watched for the past 4 days has been SAB content videos and nothing else#I'm watching the walls turn red#I'm seeing the figures in the corner#I need to eat it#shadow and bone#shadow and bone netflix#shadow and bone season 2#these next 3 days are going to be AGONY
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good morning!
#hope you have a pleasant (or at the very least not terrible) day today!#today is a holiday here so on the one side I have no classes (hell yea)#but on the other I absolutely must catch up with all the course work I've been running away from (pain. agony. woe)#ajdhajsh wish me luck for today aaaAAAAAAH
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...
#the thing about me is that i am unwell. i will sit here like hm im not working hard enough#im spending too much time on these manuscripts and thats selfish. and like wtf r u even saying?????#literally u r working toward public that will bring credit to ur lab wtf is wrong with u? i do the same thing when im spending 3hrs doing#algae transfers bc im like this isnt hard so im not actually being productive. fucking what the fuck????#im not allowed to enjoy things. no data entry. too fun. no codin. too fun. i must be slightly miserable to in agony at all times#why? i have no fucking idea. its entirely self imposed. ive never been pushed to work harder on things my brain just decides im not doing#enough. why???? im a neurotic little wind up doll compelled by logic that doesnt make sense#at least i canceled with that bad therapist bc idk fuck that now i gotta find someone else :-P#but im trying to be nicer anyway. trying. but i get bored and with boring comes the desire to make myself insane bc idk thsts at least#slightly interesting. there r 2 wolves inside me. one is just trying to live its life and the other is trying to smother thst 1st one lol#me: i will work all day and all night i can work on non-work work as a treat#this is why i have dreams abt ppl being devoured my polar bears in front of me and horrible natural disasters#i think theyd b nightmares if i wasnt always so calm in my dreams. i just wake up like him ive aquired disturbing images#uuuuuhhhhhhhuhuh i dont wanna work on more writing š« but I've gotta get this last application done#on a more positive note i now have full hearing back in my right ear lmao#unrelated
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