#but I've also never like... written it down

[fairycoures]

a littlevery self indulgent, but intimacy struggles with simon riley.

18+ minors do not interact — very vague descriptions of thoughts and negative past experiences with the topic of sex. nothing extremely detailed.

this was written with very little sleep and i've never written for the fandom before so let's see how this goes. also not written with a specific gender in mind but may lean more towards feminine i have not proofread this.

something about the beginning of the relationship, everything is fresh, all those feelings are new and neither wants to shatter that porcelain figure of perfection that this has all felt like so far. kissing, the bits of physical intimacy shared here and there, but nothing past light makeout sessions that always seem to get interrupted by the buzzing of simon’s phone for one reason or another.

the thing is, you could go past that. the barrier that divides the delicate from the ravenous, feral underbelly waiting beneath heated touches when things start to get heavier. but ironically, it’s for the same reason that both you and simon are utterly terrified of even bringing that up.

in simon’s mind, he doesn’t want to damage you. you’re the bloody fucking sun, and what is he? scarred hands that can never truly wash away all the blood, all the things he’s done in his life. how could he be the one to taint one as pure as you?

not to mention, it’s already set in stone that you’re going to run off once the novelty fades. once the idea of having this big, strong shadow always lurking, always protecting. always terrified that you’re the next thing that he’s going to have to lose. every little thing like yourself always dreams of having someone like him until they actually get him. once the honeymoon phase fades and you inevitably realize how damaged he is.

and if he lets you in, if he brings down those walls and grants you a side of himself that he doesn’t even show around his bloody team—the ones who have been by his side through so, so much—and then you leave? he’s already been torn to pieces time and time again and survived. he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to live a life without you in it if he lets you see behind the mask.

it would ruin him.

and you.

you, who have had awful countless experiences with men where, every time you show that side of yourself, the side who isn’t all pretty and perfect and wants to be ruined and put back together with gentle hands. every time things get into sex, they never come back from that.

every conversation has to be turned into a scenario. what were once sweet, affectionate words turn to the sole focus being your body. those rose-colored glasses come right off and you realize that yet again you’ve given your time to someone who was just holding off on showing you that the only thing he cares about is what you can do for him in the bedroom. how good you can make him feel. it was never about you.

simon has been all you knew you needed and everything you couldn’t have fathomed. even with the leaves, the inability to contact him on missions except for rare moments where he can get a cell reception, even with the way the man so far has showed very little of his past to you, it’s never mattered. he has made you feel seen in a way that no one has ever come close to doing.

and if it all turns out to be a facade, you don’t know if your heart could take that type of hurt.

neither of you wants to cross that line for fear of being left, of being hurt, and it’s not like you don’t want each other because god you do. who wouldn’t want simon? the man has arms as thick as tree trunks and thighs to match, he’s built like a brick house and the voice on that man is enough to make your head turn to warm syrup, warmth pooling between your thighs. and who wouldn’t want you? you’re an angel sent down to earth, sent to either bless or curse simon because with the way you plague his every thought, he has to wonder which is which.

but it’s also so much more than that for both of you, it’s just that it’s so bloody hard to look past what has been into what could be.

[gracemisconduct]

This has been a strange Christmas. The first without my dad. I've always struggled with being explicit about emotion; this is the second major grief in my life, and the first nearly killed me. This time, I'm trying to be open, less self destructive, but man, it's hard work. My mother, still here, is...someone who loves me better from afar. She also struggles to accept that this has happened to more than her. And yet, Christmas, funerals, and the time of year forces proximity, and forces everything that comes with it.

He died in increments, then all at once. I first saw him die a little ten years ago, getting a pacemaker. Then a little more two years later, when he was so breathless he couldn't walk across the small medieval town I lived in. I saw him die a little bit when he was diagnosed with cancer, and when he broke down crying at my wedding. I saw him die most and fastest this year, when he went from visiting China to not having the strength to sit up in bed by himself. And then, all at once, he died.

I never knew there was so much admin involved in death. People would ask how I was; I had no idea. I was too busy sourcing a death certificate, arranging a funeral, writing a eulogy, telling friends and family he'd died, sorting my mum's finances. Every now and again I'd burst our crying. Then I'd stop.

Through it all, two things kept me just about sane; walking, walking everywhere, and fantasy. Good fantasy, bad fantasy. Smut and angst and fandoms and AO3 and all the wonderful ridiculousness of it that teen Grace loved and 20s Grace tried to pretend she didn't. Now I'm in my 30s, no shits are given. It was a balm, a source of humour, a relief. A place of happy endings of all kinds. A lot of BG3. It even made me think about doing a little writing of my own, though we're far from there yet. Thanks, hellsite, for the wonderful wildness of this place. Thanks, makers, for putting your work out there into the world for me to get lost in and cling to like a life raft.

____________

So, who was my dad? He was the most accomplished man I ever knew; nearly 40 years curating Japanese art and metalwork at internationally renowned museums, published books, honorary positions, a photographer, a ceramicist, a singer and more. His eulogy took days to write just to remember everything he did, and we still missed things.

His curiosity for culture, his love of learning, his collecting of obscure facts and bizarre stories, was infectious. It was the golden thread of my brother and I’s upbringing, with weekends and holidays punctuated by museums, bookshops, National Trust properties, standing stones and sci-fi movies, and everything in between. It was this same passion and curiosity that meant his list of friends and admirers was longer than your arm. He was a G.I. and so am I. Yes, I stole his badge.

When we were looking for readings for his cremation, we came across this poem. It's a later addition by Tolkien, written by Bilbo as he travels to the Grey Havens, thinking about his life and what comes next. I think that dad - LOTR narrator, deliver of funny hobbit voices, old hippy - would appreciate it. I hope you do too.

Day is ended, dim my eyes,

but journey long before me lies.

Farewell, friends! I hear the call.

The ship's beside the stony wall.

Foam is white and waves are grey;

Beyond the sunset leads my way.

Foam is salt, the wind is free;

I hear the rising of the Sea.

Farewell, friends! The sails are set,

the wind is east, the moorings fret.

Shadows long before me lie,

beneath the ever-bending sky,

but islands lie behind the Sun

that I shall raise ere all is done;

lands there are to west of West,

where night is quiet and sleep is rest.

Guided by the Lonely Star,

beyond the utmost harbour-bar

I'll find the havens fair and free,

and beaches of the Starlit Sea.

Ship, my ship! I seek the West,

and fields and mountains ever blest.

Farewell to Middle-Earth at last.

I see the Star above your mast!

- J.R.R. Tolkien

notes on grief - chimamanda ngozi adichie

[11queensupreme11]

Yes, I am making a reaction fic....... eventually lol

i know it says i started this back in 2023, but all i really did was make a cover. i didn't start making any chapters until a few months ago hehe

BUT ANYWAYS YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT! i am making a reaction/reading the books/watching the movies fic for arsenic blues!!!! in this case, it will be ror reacting to pjo

for anyone interested to learn more, go under the cut!

(this started off as me just giving you some info about cerulean cyanide, but then i ended up ranting about how much i loved the pjo tv show lol, soooo if you haven't watched it, don't go down)

first off, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME MAKING A REACTION FIC! i've read a lot of them, but i have no experience in actually making one. i'm kinda nervous ngl 😅

secondly, i've already started... somewhat. i've copied all chapters of the lightning thief into a google doc and made necessary edits, but i haven't written any reactions... YET. i want to include the ror gods AND humans as members of the audience, and since i haven't written about the ror humans as thoroughly yet, i won't be writing the reactions until i get to act 2 of arsenic blues, since that's when the ror humans are introduced. this is important for me because i don't have their characterizations down yet, and won't until i actually start writing about them and their dynamics with percy. same goes with cú chulainn, he's a literal love interest, but won't get introduced until act 2!

thirdly, because of what i said up there ^ cerulean cyanide won't be published until act 2 is finished to avoid spoiling what happens during ragnarok and the god's apocalypse.

fourthly, IT WILL BE INTERMIXED WITH THE TV SHOW!!! i fucking LOVED the show and (most of) the changes that were made, so i'm totally going to add them into percy's past that the ror characters will be reacting to.

so what elements of the show should you expect to see? glad you asked!

POSEIDON 💙

poseidon in the books is great, but i loooooove the new stuff they put in the tv show. in the books, we're mostly told that poseidon loves percy and there are times where it's shown, but it's kinda hard to pick up since the books are written in PERCY'S POV, and since poseidon is literally restricted from interacting with him, it's hard to notice how much he actually loves his son when he's not even allowed to be AROUND the dude who's perspective takes up the whole series.

but in the tv show, it's not just percy's perspective that's explored! that little moment poseidon had with sally told us SOOOO MUCH about how he actually felt for the both of them. and when he and percy finally met??? THE ANGST AND LONGING THEY BOTH SHOWED UHDFSIGVSVGD I LOVED IT SO MUCH

AND THE FACT THAT HE NOT ONLY SAVED PERCY FROM ZEUS BUT ALSO SURRENDERED??? HE GAVE UP HIS PRIDE AND PRIDE IS SUCH A HUGE AND IMPORTANT THING FOR GODS BUT HE GAVE IT UP WITH NO HESITATION AHHHHHHH 😭

so yes, expect to see a lot of the poseidon scenes from the tv show

HERMES BEING AT THE LOTUS CASINO

i actually really like the fact that hermes was shown in here instead of the next season. some people were confused as to what the point was for having him in the casino and why he tricked the kids into staying at the casino longer, but i found this post on tumblr that explains why he could've been there:

in the last olympian, we (and percy) find out that hermes knew all along what luke's fate would be; that he would rebel against the olympians, bring forth kronos, become his host, etc. he knew ALL OF THAT. but he was never allowed to tell him (ancient laws), so he tried to CHANGE luke's fate in order to save him even though he knew it was pointless.

we get a bit of that in the tv show. hermes was there because he wanted to change luke's fate. he tricked the kids into staying at the casino longer so they would pass the deadline. war would come, and luke would get away with his thievery and nobody would know it was him because they're all too busy trying to kill each other. but ofc, like always, it didn't work because you can never change fate.

i love how the show showed us that hermes was trying to change his fate in the first season whereas in the books, it only started in the second book where he was introduced for the first time.

THE GODS' CRUELTY AND THEIR LOVE

the gods' cruelty and apathy was much more obvious in the show's first season compared to the first book. in the first book, most of the gods shown were jerks at best but the tv show really showed us how horrible of a family they are (most of them at least) to each other and their kids

like what show!ares said, his family loves to stab each other in the back, they love to hurt each other to get a higher leg up; they're not really a family. the audience and percy becomes VERY aware of that unlike in the books where it's more sugar-coated at the start.

we're shown very early on that they're not good people, but at the same time, we're shown that some of them DO care.

hephaestus was abused and mistreated by his family, but he refuses to be like them which is why he released percy from his trap; because he realizes that he and annabeth are good kids (ending the cycle). hermes loves his son and desperately wants to change his fate despite being told over and over again that its pointless. poseidon loves percy and wishes to be a proper family with him and sally, but isn't allowed to.

there are some good gods out there, which is why percy decided to stand by them instead of taking luke's offer to bring it all down. he's been shown that some gods ARE good. unlike in the first book where you don't really meet any decent gods, so book!percy honestly didn't have much of a reason to defend them, yet he did anyway when luke left camp. the show gave him (and us) a better reason to actually defend them

in the show, he's exposed to the god's cruelty, but he sees that it's not as black and white as he once thought "oh all the gods are bad and none of them care for their kids >:(", he sees the good in some of them and it's enough to make him want to save them instead of letting them crash and burn (like luke, who's blinded by his anger and hatred *cough cough* fatal flaw!!!! *cough cough*).

LUKE AND PERCY'S RELATIONSHIP

SHOW!LUKE WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN BOOK!LUKE IMO.

book!luke was trying to kill percy very early on and was pretty much pretending to be his friend the whole time. yes his intentions and character get fleshed out as the books go on, but his relationship with percy... didn't offer much.

then there's show!luke who genuinely liked him and wanted to recruit him rather than kill him (that's why there's no scorpion scene). his betrayal was more personal and painful for percy. the fact that annabeth was there to watch it all happen was even better (not for her though LOL).

(and dont even get me started on how show!luke didn't hate grover like in the books. the genuine fear in his eyes when he found out that percy gave the shoes to him and the way his eyes got all misty??? he fully blames thalia's "death" on him and him only THE ANGUISH WAS SO 😭😭😭)

AND I THINK THAT MIGHT BE ALL?

so yes, these are some of the changes you should expect to see!

i wanna really contrast how different things are between the ror and pjo verse. ror gods are very close and tight-knit whereas the pjo gods are... well, "a mess" as percy so eloquently put it.

ror gods aren't forced under the tyrannical rule of zeus, their zeus is chill and just wants to have fun. they have no restrictions to follow and their divine laws aren't as oppressive

whereas pjo gods are under the tyrant rule of zeus and can't even interact with their kids.

ror gods are independent while pjo gods have to rely on the preservation of western civilization to stay alive and use demigods to break rules, etc etc.

pjo gods (some, at least) are kinder and have no issues falling in love with humans and loving their demigod children while ror gods are cruel assholes who commit genocide against humanity despite being the ones to create them

and etc etc.

ANYWAY, I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE AS HYPED UP AS I AM!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 can't wait to start writing reactions for the first time ever 🫨

[sugusearrings]

( ' cursed ' )

i knew, deep down, i knew we'd fall apart, you'd break my heart. don't worry i'll be fine, you were only the love of my life i'll be here when you decide that you should still be mine made a song for ya, tore my heart out took the photographs, cut me out. keep my mouth shut, i keep my head down 3 words i'm cursed, i'm alone now.

— summary: things are just complicated with your best friend's older brother. but you decided to move on from the misleading games. but sukuna isn't sure he's ready for you to do so just yet. — genre: fluff to angst? — playing: cursed by wesghost —note(s): it's been so long since i written anything!! but this was based off these this short and this one i wrote months ago. i've been meaning to write it into a little mini-series. maybe. it was slightly rushed but i took advantage of the spark of inspiration i had at six in the morning. might be some spelling errors i tried my best to look for them. and in this au, sukuna is yuji's older brother even though he is his uncle. i wrote it before that information was out. — warning(s): au sukuna but he's still grumpy sukuna, toxic behavior, possessiveness, manipulation (kind of), getting a little physical, and lots of cursing, suggestive sexual interactions, and sexual comments. —word count: 1,198

His brow twitched. He also made a mental note to kill his younger brother.

It’s not unusual the door was open to his brother’s bedroom. It wasn’t unusual his friends were always over, unfortunately.

The girl with the short hair that was loud and just as dumb as him, the emo looking kid that just read his book, and then there was you.

Sukuna always found you weird. You liked all this cartoon stuff and into the same movies as his younger brother, Yuji. You were not his type at all. At one point, he thought you two were dating. Until he realize his brother’s crush was on some other girl.

You would be sitting on the floor next to Yuji or with Nobara.

But who the fuck was that kid?

He looked like he hasn’t slept in days and was taller than the rest. He looked like he’ll piss himself with the slightest noise. He watched him flinched when Nobara started yelling at Itadori about something.

What the fuck was he doing in his house?

Sukuna noticed how close you were sitting next to this damn kid. His brow twitched again. You were giving him those eyes. The same doe eyes you would give him when you would be laying on his bed. That’s when he knew. This was Yuta. Your supposed crush.

That’s when he couldn't take it any longer, his emotions got the best of him. He slammed the door close.

On the other side of the door, you flinched.

“The fuck is his problem?” Nobara scoffed going back on her phone. Yuji shrugged his shoulders.

“Sukuna’s always in a mood.” He answered simply looking back at the tv screen.

Your eyes just stared at the door, just having a feeling it just wasn’t a mood swing.

“Are you done being a baby?” Sukuna didn’t turn around hearing the sound of your voice in the kitchen. He continued to make himself something to eat.

“Speak to me like that again, I’ll kick your ass out.” He responded bluntly. You rolled your eyes at his empty threat. You walked over to the counter next to him, leaning against it. You gazed up at his much taller frame.

“You would never do it though.” That’s when he finally faced you. His right brow rose gazing back down at you.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” He walked past you, making sure to bump into you in stumbled back causing you to stumble back. That’s when you felt your blood boiling and glared at him.

“What the fuck is your problem, Kuna?” You snapped. Sukuna just shrugged his shoulders acting nonchalant.

“Sukuna,” He corrected you, “and nothing s’ wrong. I don’t give a fuck remember?” He gazed down at you again. That’s when you bit the inside of your cheek so hard, you always drawn blood.

“Exactly so I don’t understand why you’re acting like a bitch.” You barked back. That’s when his crimson eyes widen. He slowly placed down whatever was in his hands.

“What did you say?”

“You heard me.” You challenged him as he began to walk closer to you. You oved back into the side of the fridge. “You’re acting like a bit — "

Your words were cut off by his tattoo hand wrapped around your throat. Your eyes grew wide with the tip of your ears burning up. His hand moved your head to look up at him as he glared down at you. He was so close you can sell the cologne lingering, along with a faint smell of weed.

“Keep it up and let’s see how your little boyfriend would like it if he knew how I handled that rude mouth of yours.” He squeezed your throat, not too much but enough to give a warning. But you were able to register what he said rather quickly.

“. . .are you jealous of Yuta, Kuna?”

“. . .”

He dropped his hand from your throat. He was going to turn away but you grabbed his arm to stop him. You were tired of him running and shutting down when calling him out on his feelings.

“You said you didn’t want anything serious, remember?” You whispered loudly.

“Why are you whispering? Scared he might hear?” He chuckled. He moved back to towering over you. Your back pressing against the side of the fridge now. “Not like I give a damn, I like when you’re loud.” His lips curled into his infamous grin.

“You are jealous!”

“There’s nothing to be jealous about. Okkotsu is scared of his own damn shadow.” He scoffed. “Not sure how he got your attention —"

“He’s nice.”

“The fuck does that even mean?” He replied clearly irritated with your answer.

“That means I like nice guys, Sukuna. Don’t play stupid.” His hand went back on your throat to squeeze it. You let out a sound you weren’t sure if it was a moan or a squeak. But it made Sukuna smirked.

“Nice guys, hm? Do you know this nice guy has a long term ex-girlfriend?” He questioned. But you nodded confidently.

“Yes! Yuta told me everything!”

“What an idiot.” Sukuna grumbled rolling his eyes. You looked up at him confused.

“Well unlike you, he doesn’t hide anything from me and he doesn’t like to play stupid games.” You tried to defend your crush but that made Sukuna chuckle. How adorable this was to him.

“Sure thing, brat. He just wants to be ' open and honest ' with you.” he slowly let go of your neck. But his thumb placed on your bottom lip, slowly tracing it. “But are you open and honest with him? About us?” His tone was low and sultry. It sent chills down your spine. You quickly looked away.

“Sukuna — "

“What happened to Kuna? You forgot about the name you gave me when you’re struggling to take it all in?” You knew what he was doing, trying to cast his spell over you again. This was the game you two played since the summer. But you pulled away. This game was draining. Emotional, physical, and mentally draining.

“You wanted nothing serious — "

“Shut up. I know what I said, woman.” He cut you off. His hand cupped your chin with his thumb back on your bottom lip. You fluttered your lashes up at him with his lustful gaze staring down at you. Somehow your hand was placed on his chest. “Come to my room.” He whispered just making you squeeze your thighs together. He leaned down further to have his lips inches away from yours.

“Name?”

Yuta’s voice was heard calling for you snapping you out of Sukuna’s spell. You shook your head and move your hand from his chest.

“I have to go — "

“Name.” Sukuna reached for your hand but you didn’t let him grab it.

“Everything’s okay, name?”

Both you and Sukuna looked over to see Yuta by the entrance of the kitchen. His dull blue hues didn’t even glance at you but directly over at Sukuna. Sukuna stared right back, with no emotion either. The tension was thick and here you are in the middle of it.

[mandalhoerian]

i've been in the far orbit of this argument for a while and I'm really baffled why people can't be understanding of each other's perspectives and i'm sorry for what you're going through...

i want to have a little break-it-down for reblog's sakes if anyone wants to put this in their blog because there is MUCH to be said about the non-MC and you are the MC angles. spoiler alert: there is no wrong answer. it's about respect & understanding.

you are the main character

This perspective is all about inclusivity and self-insertion, which is honestly such a big draw for otome games in general. The idea is simple: you’re not just playing a game--you’re imagining yourself in the game. Your avatar is customizable, so you can tweak your appearance to reflect how you see yourself, or even how you want to see yourself. It’s like being dropped into an isekai where you’re not just some regular person--you’re someone special.

and HEY, who doesn’t want to imagine themselves as this badass, idealized version of themselves? In this game, you’re a cool hunter, you’ve got skills, you’re navigating this wild sci-fi/fantasy world with monsters and powers & oh yeah, you’ve got a literal aether core in your chest. That core isn’t just a plot device, it’s a metaphor for potential, for becoming something more. The game practically screams, “Hey, this could be you! Look how powerful and capable you could be!” It’s empowering in a way, and I totally get why people love this angle. It’s fun to imagine yourself as the one charming the LIs, holding your own in battle, and rising to the challenge of this world.

For people who vibe with this, it’s about escapism and self-expression. You don’t want to read about someone else being awesome, you want yourself to be awesome. It’s the ultimate power fantasy.

key word: power fantasy. which brings me to

you are NOT the main character

The argument here is that while the game tries to sell the MC as us, it just......... doesn’t land for a lot of players. Let’s start with the fact that this is a Chinese game, and the default character design is heavily rooted in East Asian beauty standards. Which is fine. It's their game, I'm not complaining I'm just telling it as it is. Yes, the skin tones are inclusive, and I’ll give them credit for that, but the body type? The facial features? The overall aesthetic? It’s not exactly universal. I mean, take a good look at my big fat ass and tell me how I’m supposed to feel immersed when the MC looks like a dainty stick figure who’d snap in half if she ever actually tried to fight (despite all the "abs" talk.) Like, she’s cute, sure, but she’s not me. And definitely not you. (Don't talk to me about "she has to look like that because she's a hunter, remember". all of us know that's not the case. it's about beauty standards.)

And then there’s the way she acts. Oh boy,,,,,,,, Sometimes it feels like she’s actively trying to make the worst decisions possible. It’s one thing to be flawed, flaws are human and relatable, but there are moments, especially in the Sylus arc, where I’m sitting there like, “Girl, what are you doing?!” She makes choices that I would never make, and it pulls me right out of the story because it’s not even a matter of imagining myself in her shoes anymore. It’s like watching a character in a TV show make a bad call, and you’re yelling at the screen, but it’s not like you can change what happens. That's okay, though, it's not a sin. She has her own personality, her own reactions, and her own story, and while that makes for a compelling narrative, it also makes it really clear that she’s not us.

For people who lean toward the “non-MC” argument, it’s frustrating because the game is selling this experience as one where we’re supposed to see ourselves in the MC, but she’s written in a way that feels so disconnected from how many of us would act or feel. It’s hard to immerse yourself in a story when the character representing you feels so far removed from who you are or who you want to be.

so what?

Honestly, I think this boils down to what you’re looking for in the game. If you’re someone who loves the “you are the MC” vibe, then you’re probably willing to overlook or even embrace the gaps between you and the character because the customization and the overarching narrative of personal growth are enough to make you feel seen. But if you’re in the “non-MC” camp, then every time the MC makes a cringe-worthy choice or the story reminds you that she’s more of a predefined character than a blank slate, it’s going to take you out of the experience. (This was me in "No Defense Zone", I had to put my phone down and do laps around in my room out of second hand embarrassment.)

Maybe the real issue here is that the game is trying to have it both ways. It wants to tell a story with a strong narrative and a compelling lead character, but it also wants to let players insert themselves into that story. And honestly? That’s a tough balance to strike. It works for some people, but for others, it ends up feeling like a half-measure that doesn’t fully satisfy either camp.

At the end of the day, I think it’s okay to feel a little jealous of the MC because, in a way, she isn’t us. She’s her own character, living her own life in this world, and we’re just along for the ride. And whether you see her as “you�� or as “another character,” what really matters is how much you’re enjoying the story. So let’s keep discussing it, but maybe we can stop tearing each other apart and harrass people over it. It’s okay to love the game for what it is—or even for what it isn’t.

Guys I may be mentally insane but ... Why do I low-key feel jealous of MC when I see clips of the upcoming cards... Especially the Sylus one..

IK SHE'S MEANT TO BE US BUT 😭😭

[windcarvedlyre]

In the post I just reblogged I especially like the wording of

he's genuine when he calls the others his friends, but it's still second to seeing himself as their stepping stool for their hope

because I think that summarises Komaeda pretty well. I've been thinking about that for ages but struggled to fully iron out my thoughts. Here's my latest attempt to.

Komaeda can be (relatively) normal sometimes

It would be incorrect to say Komaeda never sees people as anything but their talents and/or is constantly subservient to them. He at least tries to socialise with other people as, well, people, not always making things about their talents, even if a lack of filter and difficulty empathising with people outside of things that can be logically inferred create problems for him anyway. On top of proactively pushing his views in conversations and trials he can still, say, tease Souda for Sonia's avoidance of him:

And in the prologue he pretty much threatens Hanamura over his predatory behaviour:

and later follows up on this by intervening when Hanamura tries his bullshit on Sonia again anyway. If he stuck to his ideology 100% of the time, acting more like he does as Servant in UDG, one could argue he could have stood back, avoided imposing his will on an Ultimate in any way and left Sonia to 'overcome' that 'hurdle' herself, but it seems like he has some limits.

Additionally, he's aware that he can weird people out, and in at least FTE 5 he links his ideology to that:

but despite his filter issues he still manages to hold back his more extreme views- plus most of the paranoia we see in Island Mode- throughout the prologue and most of chapter 1. Was he trying to make a good first impression? I've talked about his Shot Through The Heart event and its implications before; that fear of pushing people away by being weird could easily extend beyond Hinata. Either way, he has at least some ability to tone himself down and engage with people more normally- at least in the short term and if his mental state is relatively good. He seems more openly self-aware in the prologue and chapter 1 as well.

This is all before we even start to unpack DR2.5; I touch on the ideology aspect of it later, but it also establishes that he subconsciously has a more nuanced understanding of his classmates' relationships with talent and a desire to be friends with them on more equal footing.

However,

His ideology still overrides that a lot

One of the themes Kodaka claims to have written him with is "the fear of someone you can’t empathise with/someone that can’t empathise". While he can be more nuanced during low-stakes socialisation, whenever he's engaging with the killing game himself his complexes go into overdrive and seem to take precedent over any empathy or sympathy he has for others.

Positive outcomes and anyone he sees as having potential to bring them about get abstracted into 'hope'. Death and suffering get abstracted into 'despair'. He tunnel visions on the former 'outweighing' the latter because that's how the world works for him.

Those things aren't really quantifiable in practice, though. How can you weigh a horrifying kidnapping against winning a lottery when you're already rich? Or getting accepted into the institution you revere against developing terminal illnesses that could kill you before you even graduate? But that's how he sees things. Telling yourself that everything you're going through will be worth it might be the only way to live with his luck without crumbling. Relatedly, an ideology under which everyone's potential is predetermined and there's no point in striving for more:

might resonate an awful lot with someone whose life is more of a rollercoaster he feels strapped to than something he's ever steered. He's had a lot of extremely good and bad things happen to him that he's never really done anything to earn; all he can do is roll with the punches and hope he gets a chance to make his existence useful eventually.

DR2.5 indicates that some deep part of him does resent this, resents the concept of talent as he views it, and would rather excise his concept of 'hope' from his mind entirely and effectively advocate for the opposite:

which could track with this exchange from his final FTE in DR2, which doesn't say that would be good but doesn't say it's bad either:

But an emphasis should be placed on deep. The hesitation of the latter makes it sound like it's not something he's allowed himself to think about much. If his ideology is partly a coping mechanism, if he allowed himself to consciously question whether his idea of 'hope' is actually worth the 'despair', whether his lack of a real talent means his life actually has less worth, whether a talented/talentless binary that determines the course of people's lives without them having any agency even exists in the first place, et cetera... he would also have to acknowledge that his life is hell. That the world has been extremely unfair to him, that no amount of lottery money can compensate for a life without love, and that maybe he has potential that might never be fulfilled because of his terminal illnesses. Maybe everyone else that has died in ways he'd attribute to his luck- much likelier than not to be 'talentless' like him- had worth too.

But he doesn't do that, at least most of the time, so processing the killing game through his talent/hope complex it is.

And it's one thing to apply those ideas to his own suffering, but when he finds himself in a situation with other people... where deaths are inevitable and he has some ability to influence this... it gets ugly.

When you crush whether people live or die and the wide range of ways the survivors could be affected by that into two abstract quantities, fixating on one value being larger than the other, the lives of anyone with talent become interchangeable. He speaks about his classmates as a collective here- 'Ultimates' and 'symbols of hope' and 'everyone' and 'them'- even though his actions would require anything from one to all but one of them to die. Because it doesn't matter who specifically dies (he's happy to orchestrate a murder with anyone) or how many (siding with a murderer is on the table for him as long as their 'hope' has potential to outweigh everyone else's).

It's fitting that when he eventually lived up to his promise, dying to make himself a stepping stone for hope, he didn't even know who it was that he spared or took with him. It was chosen at random. This gets visually hammered in the way the Closing Argument gives everyone but him the grey silhouette treatment.

Whether he was trying to increase the hope of the talented or take out a bunch of fellow terrorists with him, his treatment of them when it came to murder cases reduced them to one aspect of themselves in a way that was utterly dehumanising. I feel like there were still cracks in that- signs he, for example, felt bad about what happened to the Ultimate Imposter- but that's something I want to save for another post.

In non-killing game contexts like UTDP and DRS he doesn't toy with anyone's lives in the same way; the above behaviour was technically making the most of a preexisting awful situation (at least from his point of view) and we only see him force people into new ones as Servant. It still seems to be the case, however, that he doesn't really mask his views long-term and they affect how he interacts with Ultimates to the point of making them uncomfortable. The post linked at the start covered a great Komaeda-Souda DRS scene on this; the Komaeda-Momota UTDP scene below is also really relevant.

Momota correctly clocks that Komaeda's admiration of him is... maybe not quite aimed at him as a real person. He drops it because of Komaeda's reaction- presumably he'd misattributed the off vibes to Komaeda being inauthentic- but it still feels like Komaeda's engaging with him as some abstract vessel for talent and hope to some extent.

-

I feel like there's more I should cover here but this took way longer than expected- it's now past 5am- so I'll stop there. Hopefully it still illustrates the main point: Komaeda's a character full of contradictions and that very much applies to his views of the talented. He doesn't completely reduce people to talent-based caricatures but part of him still kind of does, and the degree to which that affects his behaviour varies a lot with the circumstances he's in.

[kamaela]

a year of fandom in recs

cutie pie @garagepaperback tagged me in a 2024 fandom wrap up post and so yeah, i'll hop on the sentimental train. i've been inspired by so many things this year and i shall do my best to honour them in the rambling list below!

--

having previously been an avid lurker, i've thoroughly enjoyed making friends with some truly inspiring people in this fandom. without a doubt this has been a bright, bright spot on my year and im so grateful! you're all so wonderful and i love you and hope you know that.

@kk1smet has been a source of joy and inspiration from the start. my first ever fic (Got Me Started) was inspired by their prompts, and then my first ever fest fic (Mirror, Me) was sparked by their stunning art. THEN they honoured me with my first ever fanart for my fic (To Be Punished). im so blessed to call them a friend!

i can draw a straight line from every single word i've posted on ao3 to the fanworks that inspired them. ive read/seen sooo many wonderful things this year and it's impossible for me to name them all. ive picked out a few below the cut that are directly responsible for lighting a fire in me so strong i had to write that shit down. if you haven't already, please give some of these fanworks a go, they're all top notch.

+ @yiiiiiiiikes25 wrote cruising altitude from the raven cycle fandom and it fucking rocked my world. i am telling you right now, i have never read anything like it. it is an absolute masterclass in craft. every single word is thoughtful and precise. i thought i knew what voice and diction and pov were and how they can be used to tell the story you want to tell but really, i had no idea. yikes has this way of pulling you so deeply into a characters pov that its honestly disorienting to come out of. i fell in love with these random boys from a fandom i'd never read nor cared for, and i keep going back. i don't care if you are drarry monogamous, if you want to experience some of the best this dumb hobby we're all addicted to has to offer, i implore you, go read cruising altitude. go. GO. and then go read the rest of yikes catalogue bc ofc they also do drarry impeccably.

+ @garagepaperback i read this heaven of mud and haven't been the same since. then i read javelin and ive been permanently altered once more. not only is garage directly responsible for exes becoming my all time favourite trope, but the way they explore the deep, long-lasting effects of trauma (in these and all your other fics) is second to none! its incredibly beautiful and impactful and has left such as lasting impression on me. and all that is wrapped up in some of the most poetic and stunning prose ive ever had the pleasure of reading?!?!! get out of here (but also please dont i value our friendship dearly)

+ @mintawasalreadytaken i read All I Want For Kwithmath and then i went on a tear and read most of their Dead Drarry: Do Not Eat series and honestly had the BEST TIME. they write some of the greatest toxic, kinky, fucked up drarry, but somehow make it so i really fucking care about these two idiots, and want the best for them?? minta is so good at hooking you right from the top and then pounding those hooks in deeper and deeper. the end result is that i now cradle toxic drarry in my hands and wont ever let them go (and sometimes I even try writing them)

+ @eleadore's as the plant that never blooms and everything i could ever want helped to shape and sand the edges of the drarry dynamic i love and want to write! el writes some of the hottest, most rewarding, prickly to tender drarry out here. pls run don't walk.

+ @faiell and i shared our drarry fic debuts on ao3 this year and their fic, Purple, absolutely blew me out of the water. it's expertly written, hot as fuck, contains the shifting power dynamics that are at the core of what i love about drarry, and has SUCH A satisfying ending. i was grinning and cackling for about 3-4 business days after reading. (also peep their tumblr to scream at their art) fai, i've said it before and ill say it again, i'll follow you into fire, i really will.

this post is getting far far too long but i cannot end it without also mentioning some (not exhaustive) of the STAND OUT creators i've had the pleasure of experiencing for the first time this year. i'll include a rec (all drarry unless stated otherwise) + whatever unhinged drivel i put in my bookmark for each but it goes without saying that the talent runs deep and id rec multiple creations from these guys if this post wasn't already novel length.

@citrusses' Our Objective Remains Unchanged: THE drarry muggle au. reread a 100x material

@oknowkiss' draco malfoy's substitute murder service: this made me laugh out loud at several points and its only 10k!!!! also draco is simply lovely, i love him so so so so very much i want to be his friend and just listen to him talk and be insane. this whole thing is thoroughly enjoyable.

@mono-chromia's Red Wine Supernova: everything about this is wonderful, the relationship development, the sex, the writing. you'll want draco to step on your face after reading.

@putridpommes' [ART] Step by step (NSFW): sub harry. draco stepping on face. neon and sweat. what more do you need.

Helenish's A Soft Spot For Lost Causes (draco/ron): trauma treated kinda unserious but still seriously. gorgeous dialogue.

wild (orphaned): Okay so the banter/dialogue is unmatched, the relationship development bw draco and harry is soooo realistic and so delicious. a study on learning about yourself what it means to forgive

corvuscrowned's An Emerald In The Sky: stretched and pulled taut by this story, perfect longing/pining/yearning, heartbreaking and beautiful

peu_a_peu's The Superfluous Man: utterly delightful, hilarious, i want to stay in the feeling this fic gave me forever and ever. never not thinking about flustered yet domestic draco, endless quotes. An mpreg?? WHAT?? it's peu.

@stratigraphywrites' Untouched: this is delicious!!!! the push and pull between draco and harry is expert. extremely extremely hot

@lemonlimelea's we'll start anew: yeah this is wayyyy stunning, gorg writing, long time span capturing all different facets of harry and draco's relationship

@hephaestiions' It's You: one of those ones that leaves you panting and scratching the walls, crying for more.

okay if you read all this, thank you i love you. happy new year!

No pressure tagging any of the above plus @dryrsheet @its-the-allure @phoenixortheflame @smehur. would love to read about your year in review!

[enchantedchocolatebars]

Witte Solstice - Chapter 30

Cover art by @leespinoodle.

Fic written by me (enchantedchocolatebars) and @leespinoodle.

Summary: It's winter in the Boiling Isles, and Caleb prepares to celebrate the solstice with his wife, his friends… and hopefully, with Beardo Philip! Philip swears he'll never partake in the satanic holidays of those demonic witches. But when Caleb invites him over for the solstice… maybe he'll find himself making an exception.

Ao3 version

Three bottles in, and Caleb was REALLY starting to feel it. Sure, he was no stranger to drinking, but three bottles in a few minutes?

That was a lot of alcohol.

He felt like he needed to sit down, but he couldn't, lest he lose by the second rule of 'staying upright.'

Beardo Philip tried his best to stand upright, but the alcohol in his system was far too much.

As he sat down, he immediately collapsed face first onto the table as his fourth bottle, half-drank, slipped from his grasp and spilled all over the table.

He was completely out of it. "Ugh, my head...," he moaned out, feeling the biggest headache start to kick in.

Philip's forehead colliding with the table didn't help either. 

Caleb placed a hand on Philip's shoulder and gently shook him, concern etched across his face. "Are you alright?"

"Me?" Philip slurred as he slowly lifted his head up to look at Caleb, his nose and cheeks flushed.

He sounded somewhat confused by the question.

"I'm-hic-fine!" he reassured unconvincingly in a somewhat aggressive tone as he hiccuped. "I've-hic-never felt-hic-better. I just..."

Philip suddenly felt his stomach lurch. It felt very uneasy, almost as if he was about to...

His cheeks swiftly puffed out as he quickly covered his mouth in shock.

Standing up, he sped, as well as staggered, towards the door.

After swinging it open and rushing out onto the porch, Philip abruptly shuts the door.

Caleb shared a look with Evelyn.

"I suppose that means you win," she joked.

Caleb rolled his eyes and scoffed, but he couldn't hide his smile. "I ought to go make sure he's okay. You all keep the party going, alright? I'll be right back."

With that, Caleb followed his brother outside.

...

"Beating me is child's play, huh?" Caleb said, quoting Philip's earlier statement.

After breathing out his nose for a second time to keep from spewing, the brunette shot his brother a cross look.

"D-Don't mock me!" A pouty Philip stuttered, directing a finger at the eldest while trying to keep his balance. "I-I let you win! Hic! I-hic! I demand a rematch!"

Philip felt his head begin to pound yet again as he hissed, placing a hand on his forehead.

"We're not doing a rematch, now sit down before you fall and hurt yourself," Caleb said, taking a seat on the steps with plenty of room beside him for Philip to sit as well.

Philip gave a roll of his glossy eyes.

"Fiiiine!" he whined, taking a seat beside his brother.

After huffing, the brunette remained silent for a bit before sighing.

"... I-I've been a horrible guest, haven't I?" he asked, hanging his head low. "I-I've ruined your party. You probably loathe me, don't you?"

Caleb sighed. "I don't loathe you, I am merely... disappointed. Philip, will you answer something honestly for me?" he asked.

Despite his fuddled state, Philip could feel his heart sink at the mention of his brother's disappointment in him.

He gave an exaggerated nod. "O-Of course I can, dear brother. You-hic know I'm always honest with you."

Caleb frowned and placed a hand on Philip's shoulder. "Why are you really here?"

"Why... am I really h-here?" Philip repeated, stumbling over a word as he tilted his head slightly.

"Hmm...," he hummed in thought, setting a hand under his chin.

When a reason struck his mind, his lips stretched out into a silly smile. 

"Oh, I know why! Because you had invited me, dear brother! Also, I was convinced to come by the Yule holiday spirit."

Caleb sighed and looked away. "I know that's not why you're here. I did love being able to believe that, but I know it isn't true. You've never answered my invitations before. You didn't even attend my wedding."

Caleb paused as his voice shook a little and blinked a few times to keep himself from tearing up.

Philip couldn't help but notice that his brother was holding back tears, even with his intoxication, as evidenced by his face and wet voice.

As Philip took a moment to really think about the wedding he hadn't attended, along with his true reason for coming to the party and the multitude of invitations he had either trashed or ignored in the past, he felt a river of genuine guilt flood through his body.

"I...," Philip spoke as he began to stare at the ground, his voice tight with embarrassment as he grew more and more downhearted.

"I..." He started rubbing the back of his neck as a self-soothing gesture and as a way to prevent himself from crying.

"I... I just... I was trying to... I wanted to... Caleb, you have to understand, I..."

As Philip attempted to give a reason for his presence, his body stiffened, and the dam of tears that he had been trying to hold back finally broke.

He not only felt bad about being a terrible party guest but also felt bad about being a terrible brother overall.

"I-I can't!" he softly cried out, covering his face with both hands as he leaned against Caleb. "I-I can't tell you why I truly came, you would detest me forever."

Currently, he detests himself.

Caleb sighed again and tiredly draped an arm around Philip's shoulders and pulled him closer. "There, there, love. You needn't cry, I could never detest you," he said.

"St-hic-Still," Philip hiccuped between his sobs. "I'm so sorry, Caleb. For everything. For not attending your wedding, for our previous argument at my cave, for ruining your party," Philip sniffed, his next sentence really shattering his heart into a million guilt-ridden pieces. 

"F-For wanting to burn your house down with everyone but us inside!" he sobbed loudly, revealing his true reason for coming.

"Could you ever find it in yourself to f-forgive me?" he asked, his face sticky with tears.

"Hey, it's alri-wait, you wanted to do what?" Caleb leaned back, alarm on his face. "You were going to burn my house down? What in God's name... Why?"

Philip's cries ceased as he wiped his face with his sleeve, halting to contemplate his words. "Wait...," the brunette thought aloud. "Did I want to burn your house down? Maybe I... did? Maybe I... didn't? Perhaps... we were going to do it together?"

Whimpering, tears start to regain in his eyes, and Philip starts to sob once more. "Oh, I can't remember anymore!" he ugly-cried.

Caleb pressed his fingers to his temples.

"Alright, alright. Look, we have a spare room inside. Why don't you go lie down for a bit? It seems like you might need it." Caleb stood up and held out his hand.

Philip's cries came to a slow stop as he gazed at Caleb's offered hand. He slowly reached to take hold of it, but abruptly pulled back.

He was hesitant.

Did he even deserve his kindness after everything that transpired tonight? Looking up at his brother, he saw him give him a smile warm enough to thaw ice.

It brought back so many memories of the many times Caleb had forgiven him when they were younger because he had done something wrong or made a mistake.

This made Philip soon realize something.

His brother wasn't going to give up on him, no matter how many times he botched up.

Taking hold of the older's hand, Philip stood up.

His brother truly was a saint of a man.

"Y-You're not going to tell her--" Philip quickly corrected himself with a sniffle as he wiped his eye. "Evelyn, about this, are you? I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but..." He leaned in to whisper into Caleb's ear. "She doesn't think very highly of me."

"She doesn't think highly of you? I wonder why…" Caleb said, rolling his eyes. "I'm not going to tell Evelyn. Now get inside; it's cold out here."

Caleb led Philip back inside and towards the spare room. The majority of the guests were distracted with other activities, having moved on from the drinking contest, although Evelyn looked over when the brothers reentered. Caleb gave her a nod, and she went back to the party.

The spare room was rather bare, featuring only a small bed and a chest of drawers.

It was a simple room, functioning mainly as a place for friends or travelers to rest on short notice.

"Here. Why don't you go lie down now, hm? You can stay the night if you'd like, and I'll make you a cure-all in the morning."

"Alright then," Philip agreed, removing his coat as he tossed it on the chest of drawers.

Soon after, he slipped into the small bed and got himself comfortable.

"Will you be... reading me a story tonight?" Philip asked, pausing to yawn.

"Unfortunately, I don't have my Bible on me to lend you, but any story shall..." he yawned again. "Suffice."

"... Fine." Caleb sat down at the foot of the bed and recounted a few of Aesop's Fables from memory.

Once he figured Philip was asleep, he got up and left the room, closing the door behind him so that the light and noise of the celebration wouldn't disturb Philip.

[rmd-writes]

2024 Fic Writing Round Up

I've been tagged by @kiwiana-writes @cha-melodius @firenati0n @stereopticons @hippolotamus @porcelainmortal @heartstringsduet @whatsintheboxmh @thisbuildinghasfeelings @strandnreyes @alrightbuckaroo @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-in-glasses @heartstringsduet @reyesstrand in a couple of versions end of year reviews recently (loved seeing the art ones!!) so I'm going to combine a couple of them because I only have one round up post in me.

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

Words and Fics

Words published to ao3: my ao3 stats say the total is 148,658 but that's a lie when you account for the three collabs/co-written fics I've posted this year. I'd estimate that my actual word count is somewhere closer to 70,000-75,000 excluding drabbles.

Fandoms: Red, White & Royal Blue and 911 Lone Star

Most recent drop: Home for the Holidays

Longest fic: Call Me (By My Name) at 65.5k but I didn't write all of those words

Top 3 Fics by Kudos

never the same twice || RWRB || E || 34k || a collaboration with @three-drink-amy @athousandrooms @welcometololaland @indomitable-love @everwitch-magiks (and also bleedingballroomfloor, chasingshadow and ifigo who aren't on tumblr).

Call Me (By My Name) || 911 LS || E || 65.5k || co-written with @welcometololaland

he wrote mine on my upper thigh || RWRB || E || 6.2k

Upcoming Projects for 2025

Lola and I have something that we want to get going in 2025, but the reality is that I've struggled with writing this year and I've got a lot going on in the first part 2025 that will require my creativity so other than my project with Lola, I'm really not sure what I'll be writing. There are a couple of things I'd like to write, but we'll see.

As for the fics I've posted in 2024:

In 2023, I posted 15 fics which weren't just updates to my drabble collections. I'm pretty sure this was a reduction in what I'd posted in 2021/2022. This year, I've continued that downward trend and posted 7 fics, 4 ficlets (less than 1k words), and a smattering of drabbles (ie. strictly 100 words) here on tumblr, some of which have been cross-posted to ao3.

January

lol hello forgetting how to make words

February

if you scroll down, you can see the drabbles I posted in response to some prompts I requested here

March

never the same twice || RWRB || E || 34k || a collaboration with @three-drink-amy @athousandrooms @welcometololaland @indomitable-love @everwitch-magiks (and also bleedingballroomfloor, chasingshadow and ifigo who aren't on tumblr).

The thing about sex with Henry is, it’s never the same twice. Sometimes he moves easily, caught up in the rush, and other times he’s tense and taut and wants Alex to work him loose and take him apart. Sometimes nothing gets him off faster than being talked back to, but other times they both want him to use every inch of authority in his blood, not to let Alex get there until he’s told, until he begs. It’s unpredictable and it’s intoxicating and it’s fun, because Alex has never met a challenge he didn’t love, and he— well, Henry is a challenge, head to toe, beginning to end.

Or: series of snapshots of Alex and Henry’s versatile sex life throughout the years – because the more life changes, the more some things stay the same. A Firstprince birthday celebration collaboration.

Each chapter can be read as a stand alone chapter and I wrote chapter 3.

April-May

[crickets]

June

who am i if i can't carry it all || RWRB || T || 9.4k

Alex lives his life like he has a fire under his ass for no good reason and always has. Except June knows that there is a reason, there always has been. In some ways, June has spent her whole life trying to protect Alex from himself, watching him shove himself down behind impressive wit, gregarious personality and a charming smile in his effort to set the world aflame, despite the fact that he could have done so almost effortlessly, simply by being himself. Or, five times June looks after Alex and one time she realises she doesn’t need to.

Call Me (By My Name) || 911 LS || E || 65.5k || co-written with @welcometololaland

The last thing Carlos Reyes ever expected was to find himself calling a phone sex line. But Austin feels like a small town when it comes to finding a one night stand and desperate times call for desperate measures. The last thing TK Strand ever expected was for someone to mistake his phone number for a phone sex line. But he’s lonely, horny and the guy sounds hot, so he gives into temptation and tries his best to sound professional. OR The accidental phone sex AU.

July

More drabbles

August

he wrote mine on my upper thigh || RWRB || E || 6.2k

Thick thighs save lives. An Olympic rugby AU that features just the barest seasoning of the Olympics and rugby, a sprinkling of sports-flavour, if you will.

September

[crickets]

October

A Christmas Mix Up || 911 LS || T || 952

A seasonally inappropriate Christmas ficlet for the prompt: “And you’re sure this is… for me?”

easy like (any) morning || RWRB || M || 836

For the prompt: Alex eyes the toast Henry handed him a minute ago with horror. "And you eat this voluntarily? For breakfast? Baby, why?"

kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright || 911 LS || T || 520

A prompt fill for the dialogue prompt: “Uh, crap. Let’s hope nobody sees that.” Or, TK just really loves kissing his husband.

floating around in ecstasy || RWRB || M || 762

A prompt fill for the dialogue prompt: “did you think I wouldn’t notice?” Or, the brief return of my lawyer au

green is the colour of the grass || 911 LS || M || 1.5k

A prompt fill for the prompt: Two strangers trapped in an elevator together or "Are you wearing my clothes?"

November

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) || 911 LS || E || 16.9k || co-written with @welcometololaland

Sometimes, settling the score is as simple as falling asleep. OR Five times TK pretended to fall asleep during sexy time, and one time he actually did.

December

Home for the Holidays || RWRB || M || 9.3k

When Alex discovers that Henry's Christmas plans involve staying in their apartment alone, he does what any good roommate would do and drags Henry along to his family Christmas at the lake house. It's a win-win situation, since everything is better for Alex when Henry is around. Henry is his person. Completely fucking platonically, of course.

It's very late in the year now, and I feel like everyone’s already done this, so consider this an open tag if anyone wants to share their own round up and hasn't done so yet x

[katuschka]

Olalla Chapter Eleven 1/2

Josh Kiszka x f!OC x Jake Kiszka 4.572 words

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings (are spoilers): descriptions of injury, mentions of blood and stitches, nightmares, secrets and insincerity, fluff, smut, mutual masturbation, rough sex, hair pulling, very light BDSM (sans BD), and as always, an unhealthy dose of heavy emotions and feelings

If you like the story and want to get notifications, you can join the Taglist

Previous chapter Olalla masterpost

Can I believe you? Can I ever know your mind? Am I handing you mine? Do we both confide? I see it, eat through every word I sow See what you need to, do you doubt it's yours? Now I'm learning the ropes never get this close I've been wounded before Hasn't let me go

Agnieszka, December 22nd, 5:30 pm

“It’s nothing, Neszka.”

How I missed the sound of his voice. Sweet and raspy, like crystallized honey. My grandmother used it to hide the bitter taste of cough drops, but I could always feel it on my tongue anyway. She never fooled me. And neither did he…

It didn’t look like nothing, and he didn’t sound like it was nothing. Even though he tried to smile in a vain attempt to fool me. Still, the result was more like a crooked sneer and it certainly didn’t reach his eyes. Despite his weak reassurance, it only kept me worrying, because that’s exactly how he looked, too: worried… There was also something else in his eyes; something that I couldn’t decipher yet. I gently ran my fingertips across the dark bruise right under the stitched gash. The snowflakes in his hair melted down and fell in tiny droplets on his cheeks. I wiped those as well. He closed his eyes in reaction to my touch and his expression softened momentarily, so I dared to speak again. 

“Don’t lie, Joshua. This looks days old, you have three stitches, and I’m only just learning about this now?! Who did this to you? And why?” 

He opened his eyes again, but didn’t answer and didn’t look at me. Instead, his gaze fell on the malachite pendant that I still wore on a silver chain round my neck, close to my heart. It was a perfect symbol of the kind of love he kept giving me: cleansing, transformative… and toxic. He swallowed hard and clenched his jaw, and I felt his hands slide from my shoulders and down my arms until it was just his fingertips that traced the sharp curves of my elbows. I could barely feel that touch. My questions hung heavy in the air, creating an invisible emotional gap between us, and I couldn’t fully understand why. I hated it, though! This moment wasn’t supposed to be like this. I just wanted to hug him again, while desperately yearning for him to hug me back.

But something was suddenly different. 

I had feared it would be like that eventually… that one day he would no longer give me answers. I had nightmares about it. And now he was slipping away just like he had been in those dreams that kept haunting me. Our “affair” had always been more like a dream anyway. My fairytale man, wrapped in satin and adorned with sparkling gems. My other-worldly prince, written by Brothers Grimm. He kept on bleeding and in return it kept me dreading moments yet to come. 

“Talk to me,” I whispered, still hoping that it was just me being paranoid again. 

And then, out of the blue, he cupped my cheeks and kissed me lightly, the stitches that held his lip together scratching mine. He could have razor blades there and I would not care, because after all those months apart, my baby kissed me again. I shivered, and as if on cue, he ran his finger through my hair, cradling my skull like the finest china. My body felt light. Then he finally spoke. 

“We had a fight… me and Jake. But hey! I don’t want you to worry about that. It’s ok. It was nasty, but it’s between the two of us.”

I pulled away from his embrace indignantly. “How can I not worry about that? You both assured me you were ok, and… why? What is it this time? Does he also look like this? Is he outside? I want to tal…”

“Shhh, we’re ok. And no, they already left. We’ll see them tomorrow.” 

With that, he grabbed his duffle bag that he had previously dropped on the floor – a clear indication that he wanted me to drop the subject, but I wouldn’t give up so easily. I felt like there was still more of what he was not telling me. We all had completely different plans just a few hours ago, so whatever was going on, it definitely didn’t seem like they were ok. “But the dinner, Joshua…” 

I could tell he sensed my growing unease, because he frowned. “Relax, Olalla. It’s just a last-minute change of plans. We’re all awfully tired, and especially Lisa. She’s not used to transatlantic jetlags, and the final drive really took its toll.”

I couldn’t argue with that. Those cute, tiny wrinkles that often appeared around his eyes when he got tired were now more pronounced than ever. He offered me his hand and smiled again, even though it must have been painful, and together we went upstairs. 

“You must be hungry, though,” I said when we entered my living room. 

“Yeah…a bit, but I’m really craving a hot shower now.” He put his bag down and took off his down jacket and I immediately hugged him from behind, making him huff and grimace over his shoulder at me. “Ugh, no darling, I stink!”

“No, you don’t,” I chuckled and mumbled with my face buried in the soft fabric of his woolen hoodie while he stroked my arms that were firmly wrapped around his chest. He smelled like cozy winter evenings spent by the stove after long, adventurous days; his own musk mixed with a whiff of cinnamon and vanilla and pine wood. I could spend hours just standing there like that, but his stomach suddenly rumbled loudly, making us both cackle again. “But how about you just go take that shower and I’ll run downstairs to prepare us some savory stuffed toasts in the meantime, hm? Maybe even tomato salad?”

“With sour cream and spring onions?” he crooned softly.

“Absolutely.” I whispered in his ear. I loved how he always sounded like a small kid when we talked about food, and I was always ready to give and make him everything he wanted, even if it meant to spend hours in the kitchen. “And then we can pretend to watch tv…”

“Pretending to watch tv with you is my favorite pastime,” he smiled softly with a mischievous glint in his eyes, before his face twisted in pain again as the lip stretched too much. “I’m sorry I can’t kiss you properly.” 

And you refuse to tell me why…

I decided not to push it. Instead, I just kissed his cheek and excused myself. There were things I refused to tell him, too…

When I came back from the main kitchen with a tray full of munchies, I found him sprawled across my bed, lying on his stomach and already fast asleep. He was almost naked, safe for one towel still wrapped around his head and another one already just haphazardly draped over his butt. My heart melted at the sight, so delightfully domestic and bohemian at the same time, but the nasty creature living deep inside me wanted me to wallow in unjustified disappointment. I always hated that self-centered bitch that kept poisoning my thoughts. The fact that he was here with me should have been enough… and yet I still felt like it was not. 

The feeling came with old questions, ones that I had been trying to disregard ever since they left by the end of September and his sweet kisses and incessant babbling about life having no rules could no longer distract my mind. What now? Am I enough? Does he want me to be his life or just a vacation? Those thoughts had been relatively easy to ignore while I had something to look forward to, and him coming back for Christmas was a chapter yet to be read. I banished and locked those thoughts somewhere at the back of my head, where they kept haunting me at the dead of night, but my days were filled with childish anticipation. 

He was finally here, in flesh and blood, and as I watched his back rise and fall peacefully, I could feel the charm slowly evaporate in the air, but I was not yet ready to admit that. Two more weeks, and then what? 

Careful not to wake him, gently freed him from those damp towels, before I covered those perfect ass cheeks with a spare blanket from my closet as he was lying on top of mine, looking like an angel that fell too hard. Pale, beaten and once again so awfully thin. 

I sat on the edge of the bed and stroked those damp curls for a while, deliberately avoiding the already barely visible scar that still made my heart skip a beat everytime I saw it, before concluding that it would be best to just let him sleep. I checked the old clock on the wall; it was only 7, but it already felt like midnight. 

There was no room for me on that bed. I turned off the light, closed the door carefully and spent the rest of the evening on my couch, eating my toast and trying to keep my mind occupied with my favourite book, which proved nearly impossible. The unshakeable restlessness deep within my chest only made me re-read the same paragraph over and over again, until the words became blurry and the wind on top of the mountain kept turning the pages and my fingers, too numb with cold, could no longer hold the large, leather-bound volume. It slipped from my grasp and fell down the slope, releasing a roaring avalanche that buried the whole town under snow, all because I wanted the story to come true. The sun came up then, burning the remaining debris to a cinder. I watched the destruction from above and I cried and cried, with my eyes fixed on the crimson sky, until I heard those voices calling me again.

Olalla…

Neszka…

VEELA…

“Olalla! Babe! Wake up, honey!”

His real voice finally roused me. I opened my eyes, disoriented, and flinched lightly when I saw Joshua hovering above me, his expression a mixture of tenderness and worry. “What happened?” I croaked, with my throat parched and hurting. 

“Well, you tell me. I woke up in the dark, hearing your cries coming from… here.” He crouched down and cupped my wet and puffy face, looking just as confused as I felt. “I’m sorry I fell asleep like that, but what are you doing here? It’s nearly morning. And why the hell are you crying?” Before I could even respond, he looked around hastily and with a strange, alarmed expression on his face, as if searching for something. That startled me too, as all those feelings from my dream still resonated deep within me. I tried to sit up, perhaps too fast, and my vision blurred before everything went dark for a split second and I was only vaguely aware of grabbing at Joshua’s shoulder to steady myself. That brought his attention back to me. “It was just a nightmare,” I breathed out, still hyperventilating, but getting better already. 

he frowned and grabbed my hands in his, while studying my face intently. “I figured… but babe! Bad dreams shouldn’t affect you this much! Does this happen often?” My silence only confirmed that they do, and he continued: “What are they about? When did you start having them?”

I couldn’t tell him the truth... 

The truth was confusing and scary. 

“It’s ok.” I said instead.

“I don’t think it’s ok. You’re shivering. And your hands are awfully cold!” 

“And you’re completely naked,” I pointed out the obvious, partly because I saw his dick in its full glory for the first time in months and it seemed almost comical in that particular situation, and partly because it allowed me to change the subject. Successfully, I should add, because he forgot about my shaking hands in an instant…

“Don’t act like you’ve never seen those jewels before,” he retorted playfully, quasi offended by my blunt comment (and stare). 

“Oh I’ve seen them before, but they never fail to dazzle me,” I continued to play along. “You are very obviously not cold.” His eyes widened momentarily, but I knew too well that his light-minded ego would always prevail when stroked. Humble and vain at the same time, Joshua loved flattery and admiration, even though it usually made him blush. 

And I wished I could speak just from my own experience, but it was rather an acquired knowledge and my very first attempt to use it to my advantage. I couldn’t understand why I suddenly felt so annoyed by the sheer fact that it worked…

“Perfect answer, darling. Ten out of ten,” he would have grinned if he could; instead, I watched his nostrils flare as he tried to keep a straight face. “Now come to bed with me. Lemme share some of that heat with you.” He stood up and offered me his hand to help me on my feet. 

“You go ahead, I need to use the bathroom first.” I stroked his shoulder reassuringly with the other hand as I tried to move past him, but he wouldn’t let me go. 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” 

I assured him that I was. I just needed to be alone for a second…

The black of the night turned to blue when I finally climbed into bed, naked and freezing. Cold showers often helped me get the echoes of my nightmares out of my head during waking hours. Joshua couldn’t help me with them and there was no way I could possibly let him… because I couldn’t even tell him. The worst part was that even though I did all I could to avoid thinking about them, they were much more than just echoes from the very start, evolving and transforming over time. Watching his bruised face filled me with complex emotions I could not yet fully comprehend. We were all playing a dangerous game. If anyone asked me at that moment what I really wanted, I’d choke on the response. I didn’t really know. The only thing I knew for sure at that moment was that I needed to feel him close to me. That was all that mattered; that was what caused all the mess in the first place. 

Joshua lay sprawled on my bed with familiar ease, like he’d always belonged there. He didn’t stir when I entered the room, seemingly asleep again, and I cursed myself for letting him wait for too long again. I slid under the blanket and tentatively touched the hot skin on his chest. I ran my palm across his ribcage and felt it slowly rise with one long and deliberate intake of breath. “Hey,” he whispered sleepily. 

I finally laid my head right next to his and relaxed for a bit, just taking in the serenity of the moment. It felt like we had to rediscover and relearn each other again, but that was ok. My grip on his warm, dry flesh slowly loosened and my fingers slid down onto his belly where I let them rest. “Hi…,” I mumbled back. He turned towards me, pulled me closer, and started nuzzling my neck affectionately. 

It always fascinated me how silence changes with light. Every part of the day has its own kind. It could be oppressive and deafening in the middle of the night, only to turn to cotton wool wrapped around your head as the sun came up behind the blanket of thick clouds. Especially when those thick clouds keep on falling from the sky to cover the land with a glimmering white blanket. 

It’s also the time when the most intimate moments are shared, because it feels like you have all the time in the world. All the impatience I felt just hours ago was suddenly gone. He dozed off again after a while and I let him. We just lay there next to each other in the muffled silence with our shoulders pressed together and his hand in mine. My mind cleared momentarily and I knew – above everything else – that I truly loved him. 

“Kocham cię,” I whispered again, just like I did months ago when we were lying below the starry sky. It wasn’t meant for his ears back then. I told it to the heavens, like a confession. I was now telling it to the spirits that lived in the snow-covered woods. 

“You said this before. What does it mean?” 

His low voice startled me, making me flinch. I turned my head quickly towards him, only to see his open eyes staring back at me with an amiable curiosity. They looked almost black in the dim morning light. “I.. I did, but I thought you were sleeping, and… you remember?” 

“It took me more than a week to recollect everything that happened prior to the fall, but yes, I remember. A lot of it felt more like a dream though, covered with this strange haze an’all, and I often thought that maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me. But you said that, didn’t you. It was real...” 

“I did…,” I breathed out croakily. “Yes, it was real.” 

“So, what does it mean, babe?”

“Oh Joshua…” I started crying and immediately cursed myself for it. I had told him that I loved him a few times before, so this shouldn’t feel like such a big deal, but I felt overwhelmed anyway. His brows furrowed with worry and alarm, and he cupped my cheeks tenderly. 

“Hey, babe, what’s going on? Did I say something wrong? Or… is it bad?” 

“No, it’s not bad. It means I love you and I said that when I was certain and in peace with the fact that you never would. And you weren’t supposed to hear it. Or understand… I’m sorry. This is stupid. And I keep acting like an idiot! Why am I always like this?” I sniffed and took a deep breath, struggling to calm down while he kept on scrutinizing my face with concern still etched on his. 

“But I do! I do love you. That’s why I’m here, Neszka. You know that, right?” He snuggled up to me and pulled me even closer, pressing his naked chest to mine. “And you’re not an idiot. If anything, I think I behaved like one last night. I’m sorry.” 

“No, I’m…”

“Shhh… No more talkin’,” he whispered in my ear with his lips almost touching my earlobe and the deliberate slow and warm exhale that followed gave me goosebumps all over my body. The mood shifted immediately and I became acutely aware of the rhythm of his heartbeat. I could feel it quicken in response to my shaky moan when he ran his hand through the hair at the nape of my neck. “I really wish I could kiss you now,” he whispered against my shoulder, sounding a bit crestfallen, so I nipped the right corner of his mouth and then continued to cover his cheek with featherlight pecks before I looked into his eyes again. 

“You can do myriads of other things. But no more talking,” I teased.

“Right!” Joshua almost growled and deliberately tugged at the fistful of my hair, making me shiver again, before he let go and let his hand travel down, his fingers brushing against my hardened nipple. “Are you cold again?” he teased. 

I did not respond to that. At least not verbally. I just arched my by back and let his wandering hand reclaim my body: starting with my chin, then wrapping his long fingers around my neck, and sliding further down through the valley between my tits, across the plains of my spasming belly until he reached the damp crevice between my legs and cursed when he felt me weep all over his fingertips. “Fuck! That’s hot.” 

“Yeah, so you see, I’m not cold.” It was time to reciprocate and I took a similar path. I ran my middle finger down his spine, making him gasp when I didn’t stop where it ended, digging my fingernails into the soft meat around and pulling him closer to me. He was rock hard and pulsating against the flesh of my hip and my heart fluttered with relief. 

I snaked the other hand between us, wrapped my fingers around him and started pumping him slowly, making him hiss and moan. In response, he slid two fingers deep inside me and followed my rhythm. 

It was slow and lazy and overwhelmingly intimate and I watched him watching me. There was no more talking, but we continued to speak without words, searching for hidden thoughts behind each other’s eyes. After a while, I couldn’t take it any longer and I whispered “more” and he nodded. We let go of each other and he motioned to me to turn around. 

It was just like the first time, when he buried his face in my hair the same way he buried his dick inside me, and I was close to losing my mind when he bottomed out and shivered and moaned loudly right into my ear. I reached behind and grabbed him by the nape of his neck, keeping him in place. He was going to sing just for me this time, I’d make sure of it. 

We remained still for a few seconds with our limbs intertwined and I relished in the way he whimpered when I clenched around him. He then moved languidly a few times, hitting my g-spot just right with each stroke with his palm pressing down on my underbelly as if he was trying to feel himself becoming part of me. Claiming me, invading me. It was sexy, but I was far from satisfied. I needed him to obliterate the contents of my head. Violently, if need be. 

“Joshua…,” I panted in between moans.

“Mmm-hm?”

“Fuck my brains out baby, please…”

I heard him exhale with a hiss through his teeth and nose before he pulled out and turned me on my stomach in one swift motion. I whimpered into the pillow in anticipation and gasped a second later when he spread my legs apart with his knees and ran his fingers through my slit, almost possessively. “Ass up,” he demanded hoarsely, and I happily obeyed. 

The teasing bastard kept me waiting then, running his palm up and down my back before he smacked my ass with unforeseen force. “Ye-es,” I breathed out shakily. 

“Yes? Like this?”

“Please…” I needed him to destroy me, to punish me for thoughts he didn’t even know I had; thoughts that always came unwittingly and involuntarily and that once again made me hate myself and question everything I had known about myself or love. 

Because I loved him. I loved him even more than I had ever loved Dominik and that was the reason why I couldn’t stop participating in this madness. 

It was a mad kind of love. So let us be mad…

And he was. Whether it was his own secrets and frustrations seeping through, or just his desire to give me what I wanted, I welcomed it all. I needed to feel the power and I knew he had it in him. I had experienced it before, just like the extreme tenderness that felt mostly undeserved. I needed to be scorched by his inner fire because I knew I deserved it. 

Joshua entered me roughly this time and pulled my mind back into the cool, light blue reality of my room. And then he pulled my hair and I cried out, overwhelmed by the sudden rush of maddening arousal and the feeling of deep satisfaction that came with it. 

He forced me up onto my elbows and then set up a pace that quickly knocked me back on my pillow, so he pulled my arms behind my back and pressed my wrists together above the small of my back. I could hardly move, completely at his mercy as he kept on destroying my cervix until my thighs started to shake violently. 

We were loud. Or god, we were so loud, and I should have felt shame, because the house certainly isn’t soundproof. 

But it only served as a testimony that I belonged to him and he was mine and the rest of the world be damned.  

It seemed to disappear anyway. My brain short circuited and I was able to register just a few sensory perceptions.

The dull ache in my upper arms. 

His sweat dripping on me from above. 

His high-pitched moans and his heavy breath. 

His fingernails digging into the sensitive soft skin of my wrists and lower back. 

The increasingly pleasant feeling deep inside my pussy, until it became almost unbearable and cold shivers ran up my spine. 

I whined, with my whole being hovering somewhere between pleasure and pain, and he let go of my hands. I pulled them up and grabbed the pillow, trying to ignore the sharp pain shooting through my shoulders. He bent down and pressed his cold, damp flesh on my back, while whispering in my ear: “Are you ok?”

I was more than ok. He didn’t slow down, he just let his tender side cover me like a comfort blanket momentarily and at that moment I completely lost it. My whole body stiffened and I cried out as the waves of pleasure washed over me, one after another…and another…and another. 

He came shortly after me. His thrusts became more and more erratic until he suddenly stopped – shivering – and let out a ragged breath. One more sharp intake of breath and then thrusted forcefully into me for one last time and spilled his seed inside me with a high pitched wail. He remained hovering above me for a few more seconds with his forehead pressed in between my shoulder blades. I think I was holding my own breath the whole time.

Then he collapsed next to me, looking content and completely spent. 

I wished I could have stayed in bed with him until midday or even longer. We cuddled for a bit afterwards, but I had my responsibilities in the kitchen, so after a while I reluctantly climbed out of bed, took a quick shower, made myself some coffee and got dressed. When I checked on him to ask what he wanted for breakfast, I saw he had fallen asleep again, looking relaxed and peaceful.

With a heavy heart, but knowing he was ok, I left him there by himself again and went down, because it was already half past eight. 

At around 9:30, my phone chimed. At first I thought it was Joshua, still too lazy to get out of bed. I opened the message with a smile, but it only made my heart skip a beat.

Kuba Starlight: Are you still in bed?

I was peering at the screen for several seconds in disbelief, trying to make sense of it, before I typed a quick answer. 

Veela: Hello to you, too!:/ I mean…huh? And no, I’m already up.

He responded almost immediately. 

Kuba Starlight: Is he?

Veela: Jake, WTF?! Veela: No. He’s still in bed… AND we need to talk, BTW. 

I expected him to type another weird response right away, but he didn’t, so I put the phone down and went back to making perogies. Ten minutes later, I nearly screamed when I saw him standing in the kitchen doorway, his silhouette half obscured by the dim hall behind him. 

“JESUS CHRIST! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Sweet of you to think so highly of me,” he chuckled. “But I’m still just Jake.”

@thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @writingcold @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep   @takenbythemadness   @edgingthedarkness @myownparadise96   @gvfstuddedmajesty @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigz @tripthelightfantastix @sanguinebats @wetkleenex-gvf @peaceloveunitygvf @kiszkas-canvas @fleetingjake @lizzys-sunflower @hollyco @emojakekiszka @gvfmarge @Dayumclarizzel @lipstickitty @clownstarr @musicislove3389 @i-love-gvf @blankvz @psychedelectable @allof--mylove

[crownedwille]

Favourite non wilmon ship: Stella and Fredrika

Prompt 6 from @youngroyals-events faves fest

I've also written a ficlet about the 3.06 kiss scene that you can find under the read more or on ao3

The sheets were upside down.

That was not the first thing Stella noticed when she woke up but the body that was lying next to her. And it wasn't even a blanket, just a sheet draped over them with the tag on the upper side but it didn't matter, all that mattered was lying here with her.

It felt different and yet so familiar. It wasn't the first time they had slept together. Like actually slept in the same bed together. More nights than not one of them ended up in the other's bed, their legs and arms entangled, breathing each other's air so close they could kiss.

But they never did. Not like this anyway.

Stella has stolen many longing glances towards Fredrika's lips in those nights. How soft and plush they looked when they were in a slight pout in her sleeping state. Stella has yearned to trace them with her fingers, her fingertips itching but never daring. It would be weird, if Fredrika saw her then, staring at her, her hand stretched out. She always dropped it and pulled it beneath the sheets again, pretending that what they had was fine and she didn't want more.

But not now. Something had changed at the white party. Fredrika had been much more forward, wanting to hold hands and keep her far away from Rosh. Stella had enjoyed the attention, it felt good to be wanted.

And since they had woken up, it felt like there was an exciting static buzzing in the air and time stood stagnant. This time Stella reached Fredrika's bare arm and traced it with the softest touch of her fingertips. This time Fredrika was not asleep but looked right at her, a sparkle in her deep brown eyes.

Her skin was so soft.

Stella continued her caress while they looked in each other's eyes. They didn't say anything as if they both feared it would destroy this moment. Stella didn't want it to end. Light was pouring from the window and turned Fredrika's skin into a beautiful light brown, she wanted to touch and kiss all inches of it.

Naturally, her eyes found Fredrika's lips again, Stella couldn't help herself. She was drawn to them like she was drawn to every other part of her body and longed to taste it.

Fredrika noticed and her eyes dropped down. For a moment nothing happened, they just stared, their breaths standing still, Stella's hand coming to a halt. It was like they were the only ones in the room, it didn't matter that Felice and Madison were sleeping barely a few metres away. Nothing else mattered.

And then almost imperceptibly, Fredrika leaned in closer. Stella echoed her movement. It was slow, hesitant, in a way they weren't used to.

They never shied away from physical touch and affection, they were closer than most. They shared almost everything, clothes, jewelry (even a toothbrush once on accident and when they noticed Fredrika had shrieked how gross that was and Stella had agreed laughing but secretly she hasn't hated it), they've known each other for so long. They were best friends, they had no secrets from each other.

Except that one. Stella was in love with her best friend.

She didn't know exactly when it had started or maybe there has never been a time where she wasn't. At age eleven she didn't know how to categorise those feelings she had, of course you love your best friend, everyone feels this way about their best friend. And slowly, slowly she realised it was different. She had denied and repressed it for a long time, tried to get with guys and have feelings for others. But boys, ugh, none of them ever made her feel as thrilled and joyous than when she was with Fredrika.

At age 14 (maybe it was a bit too soon but who cared) she had let a boy fuck her for the first time. He was 16 but still had no idea how to pleasure a girl. None of the six guys (it wasn't three, she had lied during the Tjejsnack game) she has forced herself to sleep with came close to making her come. Not that that was everything but perhaps it would've saved those experiences. If only she could come from a guy's dick inside her and be turned on by masculine grunts and a hard build. But there was nothing, nothing at all.

(She couldn't count the times she had masturbated to her best friend instead, with her hands and the small vibrator she had tucked deep, deep inside a drawer inside a sock. It wouldn't be so bad if Fredrika found it, they were girls, they knew they masturbated and Fredrika probably had one too but Stella wouldn't bear to look her in the eyes and lie to her about what she was fantasising and feel shame, shame)

But now they were lying in bed together, clad in only their white tops and underwear and were inching closer to each other. It felt like forever, the moment an eternity until suddenly their lips touched.

It was a small kiss, soft, tentative.

Her lips were so soft.

It wasn't the first time they had kissed but at the same time it felt like the first. Stella had memorized the feeling of Fredrika's lips the few times she got to feel them at one of the parties at palatset, both too drunk to have inhibitions left and consider the consequences. It had become a bit of a pattern, them making out at parties and no one batted an eye.

They laughed about it together after with Felice and Madison who told them how entangled they had been and couldn't stop kissing but it was cool, it was fine, that's what happened when you're drunk. Everyone made out with their best friend, it didn't mean anything. It certainly didn't make you a lesbian.

And so Stella could hide her secret desire and disguise it as just a drunk hiccup that otherwise meant nothing. She had started to look forward to the parties where she could let go and pretend for one night that it was real, that she actually had Fredrika like this. (Sometimes she even played drunker than she was but she still never dared to be sober for it)

Those kisses were heated, rushed, without any real coordination or plan. Stella was familiar with the inside of Fredrika's mouth, she had tasted her tongue and mapped it out, tried to soak it all in and consumed her with all she could. But this, this was the opposite of that. There was no rush, no alcohol taste lingering, just the chaste feeling of each other's lips.

One thing the kisses had in common that there was no structure or plan. They didn't know what they were doing, despite all the physical affection and kisses they had shared, this felt more intimate than anything before. It was scary. Really fucking scary. But in a good way.

Stella tentatively opened her mouth and let Fredrika in. She wanted to take it slow and cherish this moment but she was also so impatient. Now that she had her, she wanted to do everything with her and push and push but she restrained herself. She didn't want to ruin this, she needed to let Fredrika lead, she needed to know if she wanted it as badly as she did.

And Fredrika responded. She inched even closer and closed the small distance that has been between them and her hand glid over Stella's arm the way Stella had done to her before. It brought shivers to her skin and Stella pushed her arm closer. She felt Fredrika smile against her lips and her hand was moving lower underneath the sheet, resting now against her bare stomach, her touch so soft and warm.

The kiss didn't speed up, only barely getting more heated until they both ached for more. Stella let the hand she had dropped earlier reach out again and dared to put a hand on Fredrika's thigh.

It felt revolutionary to be kissing her and holding her and touching her like this. Nothing had ever come close to this. There was no pretense, no hidden motive to their intimacy. And yes, it felt so much better when you did it with someone you loved, Fredrika was right after all. Stella had always rolled her eyes at Fredrika's romantic notions but in reality, she was the fool for actually wanting those things.

Stella didn't know where they were going to go from there, if this led to anything more. She couldn't bear to think of going back to just best friends and ignoring this moment that happened between them just like all their other make outs. If Fredrika did, it would break her heart but she would accept it and move on. As long as they had each other. She just didn't want to lose her.

But Stella dared to have a glimmer of hope that maybe this time it was different. It felt different. She wanted it to mean something. Whatever this was, whatever it meant, they had the summer to figure it out. They had all the time in New York City waiting for them to figure it out.

So Stella pressed her lips against Fredrika's more forcefully, their legs entangled together underneath the sheets and savored this feeling, this moment that wasn't going to be the last if she had any say in it.

[jedisandspacepirates]

Thoughts on Jod Na Nawood and Where We Go From Here

So, Jod Na Nawood. Spoilers ahead for 1x05, read at your own risk.

After watching 1x05 and seeing other folks's thoughts about what went down there, I felt the need to write something.

Now I'm going to start by saying that from the beginning, I (and everyone, really, I'm sure) was wondering just who Jod is, really. I didn't immediately buy into the idea that he's a Jedi just because he can use the Force. That doesn't make or define a Jedi, I don't think. Anyway, it kept me wondering and kept me interested. I will be honest and say that in the first few episodes, I sort of hoped that despite the fact that he's a pirate, a scoundrel in it for his own interests....I had hoped that his heart would soften at least a little bit, being with the kids. But now I remember what Jude himself has said about Jod and his perspective of the kids. According to Jude, Jod has this sort of disdain because his childhood was taken from him (or something along those lines iirc). It's a little sad because apparently Jod didn't have that. But, Jude said, he also doesn't want the kids to end up the same way he did.

Either way, I think it's interesting that Jod has twice done things that remotely demonstrate even the vaguest, faintest sense of...I won't call it affection but whatever it is, he isn't disregarding them.

First example, when he reunites with the kids on At Achrann. Neel and Wim run to him and hug him, and he just holds them close. He could have easily been aloof, or shoved them off and been like 'Ick. Small humans. Go away.'

Second example, when he finds Wim crying. Initially, he's very much repelled by the sight and turns as if to leave, but then goes back, sits down and talks to Wim about it. True, he doesn't give very good advice when he says to let go those attachments (Granted: to the Jedi, that's important, but in the sense of being free from those attachments not in the sense of cutting off love and wholesome, good human connections). But it just caught my attention.

Another thing I thought interesting is exactly how the writers are presenting him. I don't have extensive experience with studying writing methods or even observing it in the shows I watch, but I've noted that in some of the best written stories, the big reveals are almost never obvious. That's sort of their nature, no? Like why would it be a surprise if it's already been spoiled before its time?

What's my point?

This. I think it's notable that when they first present Jod, it's in an ambiance of mystery, so much that everyone is asking 'Who is he?' They're already laying down that idea of wanting to figure him out completely and see what he's made of. Now after 1x05, it was striking to me to see Jod invoke the pirate code and threaten Fern with a knife at her neck.

Let's unpack that moment first. There's a few things I want to point out.

Jod hesitates. It seemed to me like he's debating, really turning around in his head the idea of what he's considering doing. It struck me because we see only moments before how quickly he had SM-33 fill the pit back up with acid and melt the pirates. Jod has no problem with killing, that's clear. So why did he make such an effort not to harm Fern, if he's as despicable a man as we're supposedly led to think he is?

He holds the knife near her neck, but not nearly enough to harm her. It's a threat to make it real enough for her, but he's not trying to harm her. Anyway you dice it, it's NOT okay that he did that and I don't approve it, I just think that it's worth noting.

He keeps insisting that she has to say 'I yield' because that's what the Code demands. 'You literally have to say it,' he tells her.

Then, and this point's more flimsy, up to interpretation, I suppose, but...the bit with the chair. I assumed, on first watch, that he didn't react because he simply didn't care what happened to the kids now that they're out of his way, but I saw a post once (if it was yours or you know who wrote it, tell me please and I'll credit them here) pointed out it's because he knew what the chair would do and he knew where they were going--into a tunnel.

Lastly, I was thinking about this more recently and it came to mind that Jod could have, essentially, done this at any point when he was with them, no? Why did he chose THAT moment to do it? Furthermore (and I mentioned this in a different post), I find it very suspicious that the writers, if they do intend to make Jod out to be the actual Bad Guy ™ po

That's it, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[alkhemeya]

The Magnus Archives, Episode 6 — 10. Thoughts.

I have free will, and I've been spending it on listening to a horror podcast. Aha.

Also, funfact, I write these notes in real time, which is why they're... formatted a bit weirdly.

Statement Begins.

Episode 6 — Squirm.

1. Sex??? Also, we've another Timothy.

1.5. Okay, okay. So, guy takes girl out from bar for one night stand? Okay, sure.

2. The girl may be a, and don't take this a bad way, an addict? Trust me, people get WEIRD when off of drugs. She's catching herself hard, and acting a bit paranoid. Hmm.

2.5. Ooh. Being watched? Why is she acting weird. Also, she got mugged? Yeah, understandable. I've never been mugged but i get PARANOID AF when walking alone. It's bad.

2.6. Oh wait. WAIT. ALIEN PARASITE? SHE GOT STABBED IN THE STOMACH AND— YOOO.

3. Okay. Thank fuck there was no description of sex. I mean, it'd be weird if it was. Anyways, sex happened. Cool.

3.5. Oh shit? Are we gonna have an Alien moment? Chestburtser?

4. OH. OH WHAT THE FUCK??? WORMS? SHE FUCKING EXPLODES INTO ALIEN WORMS OH SHIT.

5. Yeah no, I too would do the same, Timothy. I don't CARE if I get frostbite, I too would burn down the flat. I just know this guy probably showered HARD after. Ugshsh.

6. Sims! Again! I love him. And he seems pretty convinced of this one.

7. Jane Prentiss. A name for later. Woman who may have parasitic aliens, or she's an alien and is making people into like, incubators? Ooh, living hives, or like, that type of wasp who lays eggs in prey and the larva eats out.

Episode 7 — The Piper.

1. WAR EPISODE WAR EPISODE! OH FUCJ YEAH. You can have so much fucked up shit in these type of episodes. Yessss.

1.5. Poor guy, clearly fucked up considering how this is written. Ngl, I understand nothing here, but history has always been my worst subject tbh.

2. Wilfred sounds... deranged. Or maybe he knows something? I keep getting that feeling.

2.5. Music??? Ooh. It's affecting Wilfred, and a bit of our statement giver. Bagpipes, or pan pipes. Rip Wilfred though.

3. Oh shit wait Wilfreds alive. Poor fucker though, imagine just... staying in someone's remains for a week just... starving. God, that's fucked. Real fucked.

3.5. And he's severely traumatised. Understandable. Like, shit man.

4. He met war? War God? WAR EDLRITCH GOD?? 'three faces, one to plat its pipes of crimshawed bone, one to scream its dying battle cry and one that would not open its mouth.' Holy fuck this is hard-core. So, my alien theory might stick, but maybe were dealing with eldritch gods a la lovecraft?

4.5 Wilfred you have such a wonderful way to describe this War God and its killing me. I want this on a shirt. OH THE EPISDOE IS CALLED THE PIPER LIKE HOW WILFRED IS CALLING THE WAR GOD THE PIPER.

4.6. Yeah, Wilfred deserves to get out. That man saw an eldritch god and got out... relatively unharmed. His psyche is fucked though.

5. So, the music foretells someone's death? The Piper plays his pipes and then you know that person will die? Huh...

6. WHY IS WILFRED BACK. THAT MANS BEEN TOUCHED BY AN ELDRITCH CREATURE. I just know things are gonna get FUCKED.

6.5. I was right. Wilfred is feral now. At least he still cares for our... statement giver in a way? Ehhh.

7. And Wilfred is dead. And honestly, me and statement giver are the same here. Wilfred died when peace was made. Wilfred survived, but became similar to the god of war and when peace was made he had to die for there was no more war.

8. Sims, my friend. Joseph Rayner is recognisable? Alright putting that in the Char post. Same with the piper, as I call it.

Episode 8 — Burned Out.

1. Construction, huh? Cool. And a guy who seemed out of a Polaroid. Oh yess.

2. And the guy left a smoldering on the floor? Hmmmmm. Is it like, uhhh, you know fire princess from adventure time? Like that! Guy is made of fire.

2.5. Raymond Fielding, fire guys name. Oh fuck our statement giver has history of family members being schizophrenic? Oh, oh that's gonna make things worse. So worse. (My dad was definitely going schizophrenic in his last days/months and it was bad, especially since his family also had schizophrenia (I.e his father, aka my grandfather.)

2.6. So his dad became obsessed with fractals? Why am I reminded of Uzumaki? Oh my god it is exactly like the Dad from Uzumaki, but using his blood then, uh, turning into a spiral.

2.7. This seems important, especially with the bones in all his hands guy. Putting that up for later.

3. Okay, Hill Top Lore! Oh, Raymond Fielding may be a ghost here. But, he run a orphanage, maybe? Just for eunaways and stuff.

3.5. Okay, name dropped a girl called Agnes. Definitely important. Wait, children stopped causing trouble and less were seen??? Raymond killed the kids, or sacrificed them. I'm calling it.

4. Oh, Agnes was the one? Wait no, maybe Raymond was using Agens as a scape goat? I'm not sure. But Raymond is definitely a ghost.

5. And statement giver is going a bit crazy. Or haunted? And now there's a priest. Raymond is a fire ghost, probably.

6. THE TREE BLEEDS? OH SHIT. THATS OMINOUS. and there goes the tree.

6.5. A box contained an apparently freshly picked apple. What the fuck.

6.6 NOT FUCKING SPIDERS WHY IS IT ALWAYS SPIDERS. I hate spiders. Ughh. Why were they in the apple????

7. Okay, either it was the tree, or the priest somehow got rid of the fire ghost Raymond. Maybe both.

8. Sims again! Ooh, so the priest left a statement too? Hell yeah. Sims, skeptic as usual.

9. Okay, so maybe the town is in on it? Or something? Nothing is adding up.

10. Okay, full name for Agnes is Agnes Montague. Who died at the same day that Lensik uprooted the tree. That's... really fucking ominous. IS THE HAND RAYMONDS???

Episode 9 — A Father's Love.

Okay, gonna have to be honest. I couldn't put notes down until half-way through, just because it kinda fucked me up listening to this.

1. Julia Montauk had a dad who killed for a cult. Who also may have done it so keep his daughter safe.

2. He may have been truing to keep his daughter safe from some dark creature, Literal in this case with the shadows. Eldritch creature? Possible.

3. Fucking hell, this is DARK (not a pun) like, dear god. So, dad is in a cult, kills people for said cult who probably worships this eldritch creature so he can keep his daughter safe.

3.5. I don't know what to write but this shit was definitely ritualistic. Was Juilia going to be the next victim if this didn't happen??

4. What. No seriously, what. At least Sims is here, again. I am very happy for his usual voice.

5. The peoples Church of the Divine Host, cult made by minister, oh Rayner! Different first name, but it's the same last name. Maybe Maxwell is Joseph's kid? Hm.

6. And the dad died by eldritch shadow creature. There is literally no explanation. Okay sure.

Episode 10 — Vampire Killer.

1. So, Trevor Herbert, Vampire Killer. Okay, and he's dying of lung cancer, fuck.

2. Like this take on Vampires. More animal then anything? Wild. And he was taken in by a Vampire? Even wilder.

2.5. And she killed his brother. Shit. Also, once again, love the take on vampires here. Still Horrifying though.

3. Hey, at least he killed her. Almost fucking caught fire, but eh. Also, another vampire and I fucking hate the descriptions in a good way. Ugh. These things seem more like leeches.

4. Oh! Martin refremce. Wonder how long he has been in the archives for considering he witnesses the statement? And Herbert suxxumed to cancer, damn.

5. Well, there was also evidence, but the teeth are gone. And the government seems to take this seriously.

And that's that. More sectioned in some places, but I have been listening to this podcast through the past few hours. So...

Anyways, I've decided Tim is now a vampire, especially since his last name is fucking Stoker. Also, just realised a few people in these statements have last names corresponding to horror authors. Love it.

Also, I have decided that instead of aliens, it's eldritch gods. Like, specifically, lovecraft version. Makes a bit more sense to me I admit.

I better see a guy whos lastmame is Shelley, or Du Maurier. Or even Maberry.

Statement Ends.

[easy-a-b10g]

THE GIRL WITH THE ENDEAVOR DOLL 

"Nova Kamiya, Izuku Midoriya, and Katsuki Bakugou all grew up together in the Shizuoka Prefecture, before Nova was born her mother moved to Japan from America after loosing her husband to a rouge villain attack making friends with Mitsuki and Inko during her stay, Nova grew up in japan alongside Kacchan and Izuku bonding more with the latter over their love of heros and missing quirks (and missing fathers lMAO) join this messy journey of love and soul searching between Nova and not just her childhood best friends but her future classmates aswell.  Stay tuned!!👀.  I'm trying to make it like A/B/O but I've never written for it so please be patient.😭

(A little on that a/b/o so your not confused in this story. In my a/b/o children can sorta be predestined to be alpha, beta, or Omega, like you can kinda tell by their pheromones and demures, or simply by their parents gender. It's kinda like the genetics of eyes if that makes any sense like how two blue eyed parents could have a blue eyed baby but if the parents of the blue eyed parents were all brown eyed parents they could have a baby with brown eyes or the baby could carry the gene of brown eyes. Like two Omegas male and female because I also believe that male and female Omegas can have children together as well as male and female alphas because you know male+ female =pup not necessarily Alpha+Omega=pup. So two Omegas have a baby and it could be an Omega but if their parents were all betas on both sides the baby could be a beta or carry beta genes???? Does that make any sense let me know )

Anyway Katsuki's parents are both alphas so he's an alpha Izuku's parents were both Omegas so he will be and Omega and Novas mom is an Omega and he father was an alpha and idk what I want her to be she probably going an Omega lol

   Feed back is greatly appreciated just please be nice. It's kinda proof read lol but not really. 

"Why are you being so mean?" Izukus voice trembled and whimperd with fear as he raised his fists in the air his distressed pheromones permitting the distance around them, "You're making her cry, Kacchan!  If you keep hurting her, uh ...I'll, uh... I'll stop you myself!"  These words tumbled from 4 year old Izuku Midoriyas lips as he stood at the end of Mesou Park, in front of his very best friend Nova Kamiya defending her from the bullies that decided to pick a fight with them.

  Nova was on the ground cradling her bruised arm, and her all time favorite Endeavor toy to her chest, trying to hold back tears and keep her sad smell to herself. She looked down at the doll which had been ripped in half, the stuffing was spilled all along the ground and even in her lap, with a trail leading to the other half of the doll which was left in the clutches of Katsuki Bakugou or Kacchan as Izuku and Nova liked to call him, he is the worst bully Nova has ever met. 

But first here's what happened.

Nova and Izuku had decided that bright Sunny Sunday morning that they were going to go down to Mesou Park and play heros together till super time.

Nova all but begged her mother everyday to see him since she couldn't last weekend, all because Izuku was at home sick with the flu, but her mother promised her as soon as he was better that they could play together again as much as she wanted but only until after Izuku got better.

She was so excited for this day, jumping with joy when seeing Izuku on the swing set at the end of the park waiting for her arrival. His favorite All Might figurine sat in his lap as he swayed with the wind on the rusty seat. 

 So you can imagine their dismay when halfway into playing Kacchan and his minions, Tsubasa and Tesaki or dumb and dumber as Nova like to call them, showed up to the park causing a ruckus and disturbing the other pups as they played. Nova told Izuku they weren't going to let them bother them today not like they did the last time and Izuku agreed with her and they continue to play without incident. 

 Up until Tsubasa had zeroed in on Izuku and Nova playing together by the swings and came over to spy on them from behind the giant tree near the swing set. That's when he overheard Izuku and Nova talking about All Mights Special combo moves and Endeavors furious flames before he decided that was all he needed to hear before he ran back to report his findings to Kacchan.

Izuku always chooses All Might when they played heros together always, just like she always chooses Endeavor. It's not like she likes him tho, no infact she thought he was a mean mean bully just like Kacchan and his friends, but his quirk stopped a lot of bad guys and in her book that was enough to make him a good hero despite his attitude. She also secretly really loved All Might just as much as Izuku did but she let him have All Might every time they played heros just to see him happy. 

Unfortunately for them Kacchan just happened to be one of THOSE moods today. "Are you guys seriously playing heros right now?" Nova and Izuku stopped playing and turn their heads to the voice addressing them. Tesaki and Tsubasa are seen snickering into their hands while they stand behind Kacchan who has his arms crossed with a smug smile on his face.

"Yeah so what?" Nova replies with a snark hands on her hips as she turns her nose up at him. "Well if your really a hero then how about you dodge this weakling!" He yells as he dashes for her, screaming she closes her eyes and braces for the impact of his push but it doesn't come, instead she feels a harsh tug on the doll in her hands. Her head snaps up immediately and she cries out for her special doll.

"Hey that's not yours!" Kacchan laughs at her waving the doll above her head once he was able to get it from her grasp. "Your a hero aren't you," he teased  "Don't heros share their toys? Hey guys catch!" he then throws the doll into the air over to his friends who then shove Nova into a involuntary game of monkey in the middle as she tries to rescue her stolen doll.

 With one final jump Nova finally claims the doll again but so has Kacchan and he's NOT letting go. "Let go of it Kacchan, give it back it not yous!" A tug of war begins between the two of them not lasting long before Nova could hear the tearing of the stitches as Kacchan continued to pull. "Wait Kacchan stop your going to-"

"RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPP"

The doll comes apart at the seams splitting this way and that until the stuffing from the Endeavor doll comes spilling out around her and into the air like white dandelion ploofs, without warning Kacchan shoved Nova to the ground where she hit her elbow really hard against the metal bars of the swing set. That's when Nova finally let out a distressing smell, not a very strong one but one strong enough for Katsuki to wrinkle his nose at her in disgust. Izuku finally ran in front of her yelling at Kacchan and the others to stop their antics.

"Hmph. You both wanna pretend to be a heros?" Kacchan proceeds to blow up the half of the doll he managed to snag from Nova with a wide grin. The tears Nova tried so hard to hold back came spilling out. "Neither of you stand a chance at becoming REAL heros without a quirk not to mention your just going to turn out to be a bunch of weak Omegas so why bother." Laughing he and his friends finally jump Izuku and and Nova. Kacchan went for the other half of Novas doll, the others  went after Izuku kicking and shoving and hitting him calling him a Deku over and over again. 

Nova tried her best to protect her doll but unfortunately Kacchan was stronger than her. Kacchan snatched the other half of the doll right from her tiny hands and burnt it to a crisp. The ashes falling in Novas face slowly and silently much like her tears did. Kacchan and his friends laughed and taunted them both until they finally decided they were done torturing them and moved onto the next group of pups to mess with. 

Crying Nova moved to Izuku to make sure he was alright. Izuku was just lying there in the dirt looking up at the sky tears streaming down his face. Sniffling and wiping her own tears away Nova sat Izuku up and dusted off his clothes and hair and asked if he was ok. With a nod he started to cry harder, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to save your doll Nova, I'm so sorry." Pulling his hands to his face he started rubbing at his eyes, " It's not your fault zuku, Kacchans just a big ole bully whole likes to pick fights for no reason." Nova crossed her arms in anger. " Why does he have to be so mean just because he has a quirk does not make him any better than us!" She says with a huff grabbing a fist full of dirt and tossing it in anger. 

Here's the sad truth, all men are not created equal.

By the time they were both 4 years old, Nova and Izuku had learned that some kids have more power than others especially if you have the right secondary gender to back up that power. But that won't hold them back, if anything it pushes them to do even better. Being a hero is everything to Izuku and Nova. Despite not having their quirks yet they know they are going to be the fiercest heros around when they do get them! No matter how many people teased them for not having their quirks yet, they had each other to lift the other one up and encourage them to keep going and to keep believing that one day their quirks would finally show.

[its-no-biggie]

here are my thoughts from a reader's perspective - if there's something romantic between character A and character B, even if it's never official, you should tag it A/B.

especially if it's the focus of the fic. doesn't matter if it's a will they/won't they or a past relationship or even a one-sided attraction - major romantic pairings should be tagged so people know what's in the fic. you can always be more specific in the tags or in the author's notes - to avoid spoilers, some authors include a link to additional warnings in the end notes, or with a little html knowledge you can put potential spoilers under a drop-down. and even if you don't want to specify whether they get together or not, if the fic is centrally about their relationship i'd say it still warrants tagging A/B. although you will most likely get some angry A/B shippers if you don't at least suggest that they might not be endgame somewhere in the paratext.

personally, if i'm in the A/B tag, i would absolutely want to see fics about A and B dancing around each other and never getting together. but if i saw a fic about A and B dancing around each other and the author didn't specify whether they get together or not, i'd be less likely to click on it. but that's a personal preference - when reading fanfiction, especially fanfiction centered around a specific pairing i really like, i generally like knowing what i'm getting into. sometimes i like straightforward getting-together stories, and sometimes i'm up for something less neat and tidy, but if i can't tell which it will be then i'll probably just scroll past. not saying that you have to tag things that are spoilers or anything - not every reader will even feel the same way about this - but i just wanted to point out that spoiling the ending in the tags isnt always a bad thing.

and if the relationship isn't the focus of the fic, i would still tag it as A/B, but if it's only in the background you could also go with "minor A/B". that way people who want to avoid any A/B still can, but people who are looking for A/B will know that it's not a major part of the fic.

either way, i would avoid using A&B unless the romantic nature of the relationship is up to interpretation. don't use the platonic tag just because the relationship isn't official or doesn't work out - messy romance is still romance and should be tagged as such. i've read fics that tag both A/B and A&B because they were written in a way that could be interpreted as either romantic or platonic, but if you're writing it as unambiguously romantic - flirting, pining, confessing, whatever - use A/B only.

at the end of the day, you don't have to tag anything you don't want to. it sounds like you might be in the unfortunate grey area where people who dislike the ship would want to avoid your fic, but shippers will be annoyed that it doesn't contain what they wanted. and there's no real clean solution there, so it's really up to you and what you think works best for your fic. best of luck o7

I've always wondered when it comes to tagging fanfiction:

If you're hinting at a pairing getting together but then it never actually happens, should you still tag the ship? Not tagging it might spoil the ending if you're intending to bait and switch, but tagging it might enrage everyone who wanted to see the ship. What do people usually do?

[im-tempted]

One of these days I'll actually sit down and write about my feelings on the intersection between how my trans and aroace identities are perceived from the outside