#but I'm still mad. and I think that's allowed
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Thoughts on two specific areas of the writing in Sonic X Shadow Generations
The best new 3D Sonic game in over a decade (or even two, depending on who you ask) dropped late last year. And I didn't write anything about it! Sometimes life happens. Well, I've finally sat down to finish Shadow Generations, and by now everyone has already been singing its praises for three months. This is the rare instance where the entire Sonic fandom, and even mainstream reviewers, are in agreement on something. The level design is the best it's been in a long, long time and the cool factor is off the charts, embracing Sonic's peak cringe era in an incredibly confident way. It's great. If you're even reading this post, you probably don't need me to tell you that. So I won't!
No, what I'm really interested in here is the writing. Because this is me we're talking about. But I actually don't want to talk about the main narrative of Shadow Generations, which is really solid little story about Black Doom trying to mold Shadow into his perfect soldier. No, I'd like to zero in on two other aspects of the writing here: the revisions made to Sonic Generations, and Gerald Robotnik's unlockable journal.
The updated Sonic Generations script
The new package mostly presents Sonic Generations how you remember it. There are some tweaks, but it's not a major overhaul. Graphically, I don't think the game has been touched much, if at all. I certainly can't notice any difference without a side-by-side comparison, despite playing it on a PS5. The most notable update is that the game's script has been rewritten by Ian Flynn.
Naturally, this caught my attention. Generations always had a nothingburger story, so with Ian rewriting Pontac and Graff's lame dialogue there was nowhere to go but up. (I don't like to pin the blame for those games' stories entirely on them, as a ton of it was dictated to them by Sonic Team, but, well, I don't think they're very good dialogue writers.) But it's less a complete rewrite and more like Ian was brought on as a script doctor for some minor touch ups here and there. Many lines of dialogue are completely identical to how they were originally written in 2011, and many others only have slight wording changes. Ian was clearly not allowed to request additional scenes or extend the ones that already existed. He has to match the original beat for beat so that they can reuse 99% of the cutscene animations. Don't expect it to be a whole new experience compared to the original.
Still, I think the new script is an improvement, albeit a minor one. Various things have been tweaked to maintain characterization consistency. Cream calls Sonic "Mr. Sonic" instead of just "Sonic." Instead of calling Sonic "buddy," Rouge uses the pet name "Blue," like she tends to do in things like the IDW comics. Espio doesn't have to remind you in the dialogue that he's a ninja, and he no longer has a line making it sound like he has some kind of soul reading power. I also like that Modern Sonic now actually has responses to what his friends say when he rescues them, rather than being silent like Classic Sonic. They won't blow you away, but they make Sonic feel a little more engaged with everything.
In general, the altered dialogue just seems tighter to me, and some of the more childish or trite wording of Pontac and Graff's script has been altered. Here, let's actually make a direct comparison, just because this stuff is interesting to me as a writer. Here's a couple lines from after the Egg Dragoon fight late in the game, in the original script:
Modern Eggman: Ooooh... I can't believe this! I was supposed to beat you this time. Modern Sonic: Aw, I'm sorry! I didn't get that memo. I beat you every time! [Turns to Classic Sonic] No, seriously, we beat this guy every time. It's like it's our job or something!
This is a simple exchange. Eggman is mad that he lost. Sonic is unflappably confident because he always beats Eggman, and he explains this to his younger self. But the wording here isn't particularly good. Eggman's simple and direct wording makes him come off like a little kid who's mad because his older brother beat him at Mario Kart, rather than a mad scientist who just had his plans foiled. It's making light of the situation.
And I've never liked Sonic saying "It's like it's our job or something!" That doesn't feel like a thing Sonic would say, it feels like a thing an outside observer would say about Sonic. This is a frequent problem with so-called "MCU dialogue," where quips meant to echo the commentary of a casual, somewhat disinterested audience are inserted into the story itself so that the writers can be like "See? We get it. We're genre-savvy, too!" It also just reminds me of bad Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric lines like "Rings! It's like they're made for me!"
And then here's Ian's rewrite:
Modern Eggman: I recalibrated everything! This was supposed to be my time! Modern Sonic: Oh, please, keep dreamin', Egg-head. I beat you every time. [Turns to Classic Sonic] No, seriously, we beat him every time. Our score card's flawless.
Eggman's still mad about his defeat, but the line "I recalibrated everything!" makes it more specific. He put all this work into the engineering side of his latest scheme and got tunnel vision, thinking if he got his creations just right there'd be no way he could lose. "This was supposed to be my time!" also turns it into a time travel pun, which is a bonus. He's still pitching a fit over losing, but it feels more like Eggman pitching a fit, rather than sounding childish.
And then instead of saying that beating Eggman is "like his job or something," Sonic says he's got a flawless score card against Eggman. He doesn't take Eggman seriously as a threat—at least, not to his face. He acts like it's all a game. But he conveys this in a way that feels truer to the character, rather than feeling like the words of a real world observer poking fun at the tropes of the Sonic series.
Is this amazing, A+ dialogue that blows me away? No. Again, it's not a completely different scene from the one we already had. Ian had to fit the beats of what was already there. He couldn't go all out and write an all new story confirming his longstanding headcanon that the Time Eater is a remnant of Solaris or whatever. But the wording here makes the existing story land a little better and feel truer to the characters in subtle ways.
But to me, the main change is that the Sonics and Tailses seem to have a more solid understanding of what's going on with the timeline and the Time Eater, compared to how idiotic they sometimes seemed in the original game. Which is good! No more standing outside Green Hill and wondering why it seems so familiar. Thank god. As part of this, yes, there are a few more references to past games in the dialogue, like Sonic briefly being confused about the fact that they're time traveling without the Time Stones, or South Island and Westside Island being acknowledged as the normal locations of Green Hill and Chemical Plant. Yes, ha ha, insert joke about how Ian loves references here. Look, it's Sonic fucking Generations. It's a game built entirely out of nostalgic references. Just own it! And, again, in this instance Sonic and Tails come off as less stupid when they make it clear that they do, in fact, remember their adventures from presumably less than a year ago in-universe.
Eggman, too, seems to have a better understanding of the powers he's toying with. Where in the original vesion his focus was simply on going back in time to undo his previous defeats and he seemed kind of oblivious to how much the Time Eater was actually fucking up the universe, here Eggman says he wants to use the Time Eater to give himself complete control over the entire timeline. Eggman also makes way fewer references to his own failures and shortcomings. Of course he won't admit that Sonic has defeated him time and time again. To him, he's never truly lost—Sonic just keeps delaying the inevitable total victory for the Eggman Empire.
So, yes. The new Sonic Generations script is better. It won't blow anyone away, but it's better than it was. It's been elevated from "kinda lame" to "fine." No, if you really wanna see Ian flex his ability to breathe new life into old Sonic stories, look no further than...
Gerald Robotnik's Journal
Hoo boy.
The story of what happened aboard the ARK has always been... a bit confusing, to say the least. Fans with encyclopedic knowledge of the script for every route of Shadow '05 may disagree, but it's the truth. We've had all the pieces to understand the story for a long time now, but that info was given to us out of order by a pair of unreliable narrators—Gerald, who became a vengeful lunatic shortly before his death, and Shadow, who was subjected to multiple rounds of amnesia and altered memories. Some of the ambiguity left by Sonic Adventure 2 was cleared up in Shadow '05, but that game also retconned in a bunch of new elements to Shadow's backstory (aliens!) that lead to further confusion. Not to mention the fact that that game had multiple routes and only revealed the truth about Shadow if you sat on the ultimate final boss battle for WAY longer than the fight would normally last. Or the fact that Sonic X made its own tweaks in its telling of the story. Or the fact that none of these things ever had the best English translations. I can't blame anyone who hasn't played those games in two decades for not remembering the truth about these characters and getting some details mixed up.
What we needed was something to piece together all of the info we have into one coherent backstory, told in chronological order. And thanks to Shadow Generations, we have that, in the form of an official journal tying together what we knew from Sonic Adventure 2, Shadow '05, and Sonic Battle into the tragic tale of Gerald's rise and fall.
Ian Flynn was the perfect man for the job here as the guy who started his career by tidying up the mess that was the first 159 issues if Archie Sonic. This is what he excels at: taking disparate bits of weird Sonic lore from multiple different sources, boiling them down to their most interesting elements, and connecting it together in a way that will make the audience see the dramatic potential he's always known was there. Rather than feeling like a cynical exercise in franchise building, going back and explaining things that never needed explaining so that people can add more bullet points to the wiki, he puts a new spin on things that retroactively enriches those past stories. The story here means something to the characters involved and gives us a better understanding of them as people, rather than as plot devices to motivate Shadow.
(And, of course, Ian didn't do this journal alone. He wrote the story, but I also have to give a huge shout out to Evan Stanley, who made the final product. All of her handwritten journal entries, sketches, and "photos" included throughout. The physical damage done to the journal over the course of 50 tumultuous years, passing from Gerald to Eggman to a certain special someone at GUN. The way Gerald's handwriting gets less and less legible as his mental state declines. So much love was put into what could have been a mere text dump in a menu, and it really elevates it to the next level. Congrats on officially getting hired by Sega, Evan, you've sure as hell earned it!)
The main idea the journal conveys is that Gerald was under a lot of pressure from a lot of different parties—GUN, the President, his colleagues aboard the ARK, Black Doom, even his own family—and boy did it get to him. The known incidents aboard the ARK mentioned in previous games are put together here to form a story where everything slowly spirals out of control as Gerald keeps compromising his morals to further his research, thinking he'll eventually find some way out of all this because he's a genius. I won't recap that whole story here (if you haven't already played the game and read the journal entries, I would highly recommend at least reading it on the Sonic wiki), but I'd like to highlight my favorite elements of the story, as Ian tells it here.
1) The Eclipse Cannon
Here's something that never quite made sense in Sonic Adventure 2: why does the ARK have a laser that can blow up the Earth built into it? It was supposed to be a peaceful research colony. Sure, Gerald went crazy and swore revenge on the Earth, but, like... when did he have an opportunity to go back up to the ARK and modify it? Did he have someone else do it? How? The ARK was raided by GUN and shut down! And then they arrested him, held him in prison for an unclear period of time, and executed him by firing squad when he was no longer useful! It doesn't add up. Shadow 'the Hedgehog '05 would give its own answer by introducing the Black Arms and saying that the Eclipse Cannon was always supposed to be a secret trump card against the Black Comet. But, like... we know that's kind of a bullshit answer, right? You don't need enough power to blow up a whole planet just to destroy a comet.
Well, the new journal retains what we already knew, but it paints a much more complete picture.
See, long before Gerald ever made a Faustian bargain with Black Doom, he had already made one with an even greater evil: the military. GUN gave Gerald much of the funding for the ARK, Gerald's personal utopian research station in space, but it didn't take long for GUN to start pressuring him to design them weapons. Gerald tried to get GUN off his back by personally contacting the President of the United Federation, and the President gave him an alternative: how about, instead, you just use your genius brain to figure out the secret to immortality for us, so our soldiers can be immortal? Gerald was initially sickened by the notion and found it completely absurd, like chasing a shadow... but given no other option, the sarcastically named Project Shadow soon began in earnest. (Maria would later put a more positive spin on the name after Shadow's awakening, pointing out that a Shadow can show us the direction of the light, like she says in the game itself.)
Of course, this search for the ultimate life form didn't go very well, and without any results on that front GUN kept hounding him for weapons. Gerald would throw them a bone here and there to get them off his back. His research on Chaos resulted in the Artifical Chaos prototypes, which he worried would be used for warfare but could at least theoretically be used for search and rescue missions in floods, in his mind. But that wasn't enough. So he gave them Chaos Drives to power their mechs. And that still wasn't enough. He's got Emerl. He'll give them Emerl. They're not impressed by Emerl. They'll shut the whole ARK down if Gerald doesn't give them something big.
Fine! GUN wants something big? Gerald builds a huge fucking laser cannon into the ARK. However, as a middle finger to GUN, Gerald makes it so powerful that it would destroy the Earth if it was ever fired at any target on its surface. In other words, GUN now has their ultimate weapon of mass destruction, fulfilling his contract, but they can never actually use it. Oh, the delicious irony. (And also Shadow will blow up the Black Comet with it in 50 years yada yada yada.) Is this perhaps extremely shortsighted and naive of Gerald, to believe that such a weapon would never actually be used just because of the risk? Of course. But hey, that's Gerald for you. And I love this as an answer.
(Also, this, uh, kinda echoes something from real life! Remember the bit in Oppenheimer where he says all nuclear war will become unthinkable, and Edward Teller responds "until somebody builds a bigger bomb"? Yeah, Teller went on to conceptualize a superweapon codenamed Project Sundial that would have been able to kill all life on the planet, as the ultimate deterrent for war. This was never made for obvious reasons, but hey, there's a basis for this sort of thinking outside of heightened sci-fi! There's a whole Kurzgesagt video about this if you're interested.)
2) The Biolizard
The Biolizard is, of course, brought up as the initial failed prototype of the ultimate life form, from before Gerald met Black Doom. We don't really learn all that much about it that we didn't already know, but I just love the way it's framed in the story.
As you can see above, we actually get to see a picture of Maria holding up the cute little salamander that would end up mutating into the Biolizard through Gerald's experiments. (Researchers want to figure out how to replicate salamanders' regenerative abilities for humans in real life, too, so this was a natural starting point for the project.) And then, after it grows to a monstrous size and goes out of control, Gerald has to lock it away in an unused sector of the ARK. He needs to keep the poor thing alive for his research into harnessing Chaos Energy, building life support systems directly into it, but he doesn't have the heart to tell Maria what happened. So it just becomes this first dark secret weighing on his conscience. The Biolizard becomes Gerald's Tell-Tale Heart beating beneath the floorboards of the ARK. I love that.
3) Lost Impact was the breaking point for the ARK
Remember the level Lost Impact in Shadow '05? The flashback level on the hero path where Shadow is running around fighting Artificial Chaos enemies on the ARK 50 years ago? Yeah, that wasn't just a random incident. That was important, as we now know due to its placement on the timeline.
See, Emerl's rampage aboard the ARK that was chronicled in Sonic Battle and Dark Beginnings set off a domino effect. Emerl riled up the Artificial Chaos, causing Gerald to lose control of them. They became violent, and so Shadow had to stop them, as depicted in Lost Impact. The thing is, that incident sent an SOS signal to GUN telling them that shit was going down on the ARK. Gerald didsn't fully understand the trouble he was in and assumed that he'd simply be reprimanded by the higher ups, or maybe face legal action. But, well... the next time he heard from GUN, armed troopers were raiding the ARK.
So Lost Impact was the straw that broke the camel's back. I just really like that detail.
4) Maria
And, of course, there's Maria herself. Maria has often been more of a symbol than a character, this perfect embodiment of everything that's good and pure in this world who gets killed to motivate Shadow and Gerald's revenge plots. But I really like the wrinkles this journal adds to her and Gerald's story, and their relationship. This is the most fleshed out they've ever felt.
For one, the journal leans into the idea of Maria's intellectual potential. The rest of the Robotnik family is all geniuses, after all, and she was proving to be a really bright kid. She excelled in her studies on the ARK, and she even helped design Shadow's jet skates and inhibitor rings. When Maria died, the world didn't just lose a symbolic personification of purity. She genuinely could have been a hugely influential scientist who did so much good for the world. That's what Gerald wanted for her. But we'll never know, because GUN killed her.
Speaking of her family, their presence isn't just mentioned for the sake of fleshing out the Robotnik family tree. It's mentioned that as Gerald struggled to find a cure for Maria's illness through his genetic research, he faced mounting pressure from his family. They didn't want Maria to be up on the ARK forever. They wanted Gerald to hurry up and find a damn cure, or otherwise just send her back home to Earth so she could be with her family again. She'd been up on the ARK for so long that Gerald's coworkers started thinking that she had been born up there. Eventually she gains a baby sister on Earth who she's never met. A rift forms between Gerald's two sons, and he's unable to really deal with it because he's so consumed by his work. There's this sense that the family is falling apart, and that everyone is dreading the possibility that Gerald will never find a cure and that Maria will just spend her final years up in space and die far away from her family, because Gerald just couldn't let go. If that happens, it'll break the whole family. But he can't stop now. So he just keeps working. Curing Maria is the only way to win his family back, in his eyes. It can't all be for nothing.
But my favorite detail regarding Maria is this one paragraph:
Maria is growing into a lovely young woman. It breaks my heart that someone as bright and energetic as her is diminished by disease. There are no visible effects, and I've caught my fellow researchers muttering to each other, doubting her illness. It is infuriating. I find all my reason and restraint vanishes when she's slighted.
This is SUCH a great addition to the story! It's always been true that Maria doesn't really seem all that ill, just looking at her in cutscenes. With this one little comment, Ian flips that issue on its head and turns it into a story about invisible disability. She doesn't act like she's in chronic pain, so she must not be, everyone thinks. And this really, really gets to Gerald, as does the pressure from his family. He's dedicating his whole LIFE to saving her, and they think she's faking it?! It's such a small addition, never referenced elsewhere in the journal, but it adds so much flavor to the story, as does the implied family drama. It grounds Gerald and Maria and makes them feel more like real human beings, rather than being pure archetypes. It's just enough info to let my imagination run wild filling in the blanks.
You also get the feeling that Maria being such a walking ray of sunshine was the only real source of joy Gerald had left in his life before Shadow was awakened, and the only thing keeping him from snapping under pressure sooner. All this stuff just keeps piling on, everything's spiraling out of control, but at least Maria is keeping her chin up, right? It makes so much sense that losing her would make him go off the deep end when it's framed like this.
It's just... man, I never thought I'd care so much about Gerald and Maria. But that's the Ian Flynn touch. After years of less than stellar Sonic writing that seemed to be embarrassed of itself, I'm so happy to have new games coming out that fully embrace the history of the series like this, making its world feel so rich and real instead of just serving as an excuse for a string of platforming levels. I don't even like Shadow '05, but I'll be damned if Ian and the rest of Sonic Team didn't make something amazing by "yes, and"-ing Shadow's cringe past here. Sonic has truly reached levels of "we're so back" never thought possible.
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POTES GETS TRAUMATISED BY KOTOR!
i was gonna part 2 of this when I got to the end but i got to That Bit™ this morning and i need to tell everyone ever (im aware im probably towards the end of the game now but still plz dont spoil i assume theres more insane shit to come!!)
without further ado, sessions 7-9:
seven rhymes w revan so they better show tf up now
this game is so pretty esp when you land the ship
CARTH HAD A WIFE AND SON?????? CHRIST POOR GUY SAUL SUCKS
omg they never found the son that feels potentially relevant
'they didnt send a master bc itd draw too much attention' bastila, malak is obsessed with u rn i think that mission has been failed
wow so the council sent juhani with me just bc my vibes are so great
i might sound completely batshit insane for this but with all these redemption themes/talks i keep thinking abt 1. the fact i was so certain u played as revan 2. that revan is never given pronouns like ur supposed to pick their pronouns and 3. i have amnesia and im good at being a jedi (+ they clearly know smthn i dont). im not gonna say it bc i will look incredibly stupid if im wrong but do u pick up my theory. do u pick up what im putting down
ok that feels like the biggest reach in history PLEASE IM CLEARLY GOING CRAZY JUST SHOW ME REVANNN PLEASEEEEEEEE
i don’t even know if i have amnesia tbh but nobody’s given me a chance to prove i don’t
they could just be trying to make revan extra mysterious w the pronouns. i think im talking to carth too much, him not trusting anyone is making me not trust the game now im worried the lack of pronouns is there to hide their identity for some betrayal LMAO
oop i thought bringing zaalbar would be a good idea but apparently hes an exile. great
is stopping slavery even the jedi way cause qui-gonn sure as shit didnt do that in tpm
ZAALBAR'S DAD IS CHIEF??
i should bring Mission on this meet-zaalbar's-dad thing but shes 14 and i dont want to bring her into active combat scenarios ok
ok zaalbar's dad WAS chief. odds on him being this 'mad-claw'
A JEDI?
a grouchy hermit jedi!!!
why am i allowed to use the computer what previous user would make it usable for ME?????? SUSPICIOUS
what if im a wattpad character and revan is my older sibling or cousin
this is star wars, The Family Drama Franchise, im not ruling out that theyre my dad. my woke nonbinary dad
I LOVE THIS BUILDERS MYSTERY WHO TF WERE THEY. THEY MADE KASHYYK A FOREST!!! THEYRE SO COOL!!! I LOVE AN ANCIENT PEOPLES MYSTERY
was the builders my evil dad is this like assassins creed (everyone else has parental issues i'll feel left out if i don't have any)
big fan of how creepy the forest mandos are
im fighting little beasties and a massive beastie. this is just like jfo
well we dealt with a planet of slavers and helped with Zaalbar's daddy issues, now it's time to go to a new planet of slavers and help with Bastila's mummy issues!!!
DARTH BANDON (ill call him brandon out of disrespect) SHOWED UP AND IMMEDIATELY THREW A RANDOM GUARD INTO A TERMINAL INJURING 2 OTHERS. AND HE LOOKS LIKE AN EVIL SIMS 2 TOWNIE bet hes lowkey mid
malak you will never replace your best friend revan with this brandon fucker. and revan is going to be MY best friend soon when i find them
massive fan of how imperial tatooine looks near the same as it did in kotor 4000 years ago. this planet is the true no.1 shithole ever
btw the 8th fast n furious was called f8 of the furious
im still so scared that revan's pronoun sitch means they're gonna be someone i know like what if revan is already my best friend CAN SOMEONE JUST TELL ME I DONT HAVE AMNESIA SO I CAN RELAX AND AT LEAST RULE OUT THE CRACK THEORY OF ME BETRAYING MYSELF
whatever let's think about the fact i'm on the sand shithole. fuck this star map bastila where's your mum i want some soap opera drama
WHY DOES EVERYWHERE CHARGE ME 100 CREDITS
tatooine used to be a lush green planet??? arrakis who?
omg this guy knows carth does everyone on tatooine know my friends
HIS SON IS W THE SITH??????
'he must be a man by now' how old are you carth i thought you were like 30 at most. carth were you a child bride
when are we gonna run into someone who knows ME so i can dispute the amnesia allegations
AH! BASTILA'S BITCH-MUM JUST ASKED ME IF I TALK TO MY MOTHER LIKE THAT AND I GOT OPTIONS!! IS THIS EVIDENCE AGAINST MY AMNESIA???? AM I A REAL CHARACTER??????? GET IN!!! I HAD A MOTHER
i love how bastila n her mum havent seen each other in presumably like 20 years and yet their reunion was so immediately hostile
or more than 20 years who knows how old any of my companions are carth apparently has an adult son!!!
the only person i can trust is mission who is for sure 14 and the old men who are old man aged
thank god there was a guy who immediately told me the nonlethal option for the tuskens i thought i was gonna have to search for it
just did baby's first savescum cause i accidentally picked a dark side option and my friends were sad LOL
THE WAY HK47 SAID "shall i kill something for you? (:" LMAO IM IN LOVE W IT ALREADY
LMAOO HK IS ALMOST ALL THE WAY INTO THE DARK SIDE METER
having bastila and hk at the same time feels like having an angel and a devil on my shoulder every time they chime in on dialogue
i love them
MEATBAGS
"would you rather be caught with contraband that is very illegal or just a little illegal" "whats the difference" "about 20 years, master" HE IS MY FAVOURITE
love getting the murderdroid to do peace negotiations
hilarious that we're negotiating in our underwear
tatooine really makes you realise that this game is a walking simulator
LETS GO FIGHT A DRAGON
but respectfully. bc im a jedi
fun fact if you walk straight into the cave without using the hunter guy's mines then you will die and have to reload your save. not saying i know this from experience bc i just did exactly that and died or anything it's just a random fact i know
dragon: exploded
DARTH BRANDON??!??!?!?!
NOW TELL ME WHERE REVAN IS YOU SHITBRICKED SON OF A BITCH ok hes dead he cant tell me anything
bastila is drawn to landmines like a moth to a flame she loves getting exploded by them
BASTILA'S MUMMY ISSUES: SOLVED
i should be an intergalactic family issues counsellor. my character could've solved vaderkin and luke's whole thing in less than one film
bastila just PAID ME A COMPLIMENT INSTEAD OF NAGGING ME! CALL THE UH-- i guess star wars doesnt have the vatican just uhhh idk tell yoda when he's born
i love this game bc you get a very distinct feeling that they pulled '4000 years' out of a hat and didnt think about how the buildings or technology would be different. in 4000 years all that's changed on tatooine is how many towns there are but i guess it's the law of diminishing returns or whatever
WE’RE BEING TRACTOR-YOINKED???
why are we in our underwear. saul you pervert
what history between us
WHAT HISTORY SAUL. WHAT HISTORY
WHAT HISTORY?!!!!!!?!!????
what does he MEAN my loyalties are switching WHAT FUCKING HISTORYY
LMAOOO you can say the academy was on alderaan instead of dantooine thats such a good anh reference
THE JEDI ON DANTOOINE HAVE BEEN KILLED?!!?!!!! WHAT IM NO LONGER LMAO-ING
WHAT THE HELL CAN I HAVE A SECOND TO PROCESS EVERYTHIN
sorry carth i got you soooo electrocuted it was for the republic tho
seriously WHAT THE DANTOOINE JEDI CANT BE DEAD LIKE ??????? what????? no??? master tortimer???
LMAOOO HALF NAKED JOLEE IS GONNA KILL A SHIP
NAKED OLD MAN RAMPAGE LETS GOO!!
this is good we should get out of here but also can we ask saul and malak what the fuck he meant by history
presumably?? i was a sith before?? my amnesiacs??? like that seems certain going off saul's comments
god if the crack theory was right im gonna cry i dont even want to think abt the implications of that
at least my amnesia has been semi-confirmed. or i have an evil twin
LMAO JOLEE HAS NO ARMOUR PROFICIENCY ALL HE CAN WEAR IS HIS UNDIES. NAKED OLD MAN RAMPAGE CONTINUES!
“i have an army” “we have a naked old man”
rip naked old man times i have my equipment back
bastila thinks we can't fight malak but i literally have grenades we'll be fine
also i want to talk to him what the fuck did saul mean we had history. is MALAK my evil dad??? (i dont want 2 think abt the alternative option)
IM IN SPACE!!!!! IN A SPACE SUIT
what the hell do they put in these star wars games man, kotor is reaching jfo/js levels of "basically coke for me"
i cant think of a session nine pun i just wanna play it
CONTINUING ON FROM BEING IN SPACE LETS GO PUNCH SAUL IN SPACE
the crack theory can't be right its just a crack theory i'm not. like im just a normal woman i cant be ya know. i dont even wanna say it
SAUL PLEASE TELL ME I DONT HAVE AMNESIAAA
omg YES WE GET TO KILL SAUL!! GAME OF THE YEAR!!
HES ALIVE WHAT THE FUCK DID HE TELL YOU CARTH. WHAT THE FUCK DID THE WHOLE JEDI COUNCIL KNOW
CAN YOU GUYS TELL ME
WHY IS THE ONLY DIALOGUE OPTION LET'S MOVE ON. I DONT WANT TO MOVE ON TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT
ah! malak! you bitch!
REUNION? VENGEANCE?? OH GOD NO
NO
ITS SHOWING ME THE EVIDENCE
OH IT WAS CARTH WHO SAID ABT THE MEMORY WIPING IT WASNT A LOADING SCREEN TIP
NO
WHAT
NO??????????? NO
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CRACK THEORY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CRAZY REACH I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE RIGHT
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
wow revan (my???) eyes are fucked up
AGH HE CALLED ME REVAN
OH MY GOD
I WAS ALWAYS PLAYING AS REVAN
THIS WHOLE TIME. I WAS NEVER PLAYING AS SOME RANDOM CLOWN WHO IVE GROWN TO LOVE AS A CHARACTER. I WAS ALWAYS PLAYING AS REVAN
WHY IS THERE NOT A DIALOGUE OPTION TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK I NEED TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK
FUCK MAN ILL HAVE ONE IN REAL LIFE AT THIS RATE THERES NO WAY
i dont feel like im abt to cry but i kind of want to cry anyway what the HELL MAN
IT GETS WORSE EVERY TIME HE CALLS ME REVAN IM IN MROE AND MORE SHOCK
LIKE IVE BEEN PHYSICALLY GASPING ON REPEAT N SAYING NO OUT LOUD. IF I WAS HOME ALONE I THINK ID BE SCREAMING
there has got to be a speneva (space geneva) convention against this this seems so illegal
i literally cannot work out if this is better or worse than death. tbh it is death like the body lives but they stole my fucking brain man what the hell BASTILA I THOUGHT WE WERE FUCKING FRIENDS
oh my god she said "to capture revan… to capture you" WHY DOES IT HURT MORE WHEN MY FRIEND BASTILA CALLS ME REVAN
STOP CALLING ME REVAN MY NAME IS LEALA MACHAI THATS THE NAME IVE HAD FOR THE LAST 16 HOURS THATS MY NAME SHUT UP SHUT UP
NO STOP CALLING ME REVAN BASTILA!!!!
malaks a fuckin pussy he keeps running away
WHAT NO BASTILA DONT SACRIFICE YOURSELF DONT DO THAT STOP BASTILA WE CAN TAKE HIM IVE BEEN BEATING HIM 1V1 HES FUCKING EASY TO FIGHT COME BACK
NO I DONT WANT TO LEAVE HER!!!!!!! THATS;. SHE LIED TO ME BUT SHES STILL MY FRIEND BASTILA NO CARTH I DONT WANT TO LEAVE HER I NEED TO TALK TO HER
jesus mary joseph and the little donkey im revan. what the hell. im revan
this whole time
JOLEE IS STILL NAKED LMAO
yes mission! yes i love you yes it just matters who i am now yes exactly
CARTH DONT CALL ME REVAN I WILL START CRYING
thank you mission and zaalbar youre real ones
THANK U CANDEROUS
jolee knew but im not pissed off he wanted me to find out on my own and it wasnt his place to say, candy-o respects my/revan’s defeating his ppl and is the first person to make revan not sound like a slur
HK WAS MY DROID THIS WHOLE TIME?? HE WAS MY ASSASSIN DROID???????? LMAO AMAZING ok i feel less bad i can be revan if it means hk was mine all along
omg yay that means i DID run into someone i knew on tatooine just like carth and bastila!
tatooine must be crazy to do as the last planet lmao like does hk immediately go WADDUP MASTER and you cant even solve bastila's mummy issues bc shes not there. good thing i already did it
LMAOO CANDEROUS BEING LIKE girl its the force anything can happen its not just convenient
am i the force's specialest girl
yay carth listened to everyone and UNDERSTOOD THAT WHATEVER SHOCK HES FEELING I AM FEELING IT MUCH MUCH WORSE GODDAMNIT
agh no what the hell i just have to go about my day now?? i just have to work now????? until i can play the rest later?? when that just happened???????? i need bereavement leave
ive closed the game but im just blankly staring at my computer screen. what the hell. what the hell man
i have never felt so violated and traumatised by a bunch of pixels
somehow it feels worse that i basically clocked it but then was immediately like nahhh thats an insane reach, anyway! like somehow that feels worse than if i'd just never thought it was a possibility
what the fuck man what the fuck
POTES SEMI-LIVEBLOGS KOTOR!
ive been writing my thoughts in the notes app but due to popular demand (one person asked for it) i'm posting my liveblogging DO NOT SAY/TAG/COMMENT SPOILERS PLEASE i read tags
warning im a yapper, im 10 hours in and theres a lot already (separated into sessions):
SESSION 1
whos this clown i thought i would be playing as revan
ive been too spoiled by dragon age origins this character creator sucks ass
only human???? ): fr?? ill just imagine her different in my brain or some shit
my life is being mansplained to me. is this bad writing or do i have amnesiacs
hes meta now??? hes talking abt the screen controls?????
omg a jedi and an evil jediii
omg their asses suckedddd they both died immediately
i <3 bringing a sword to a gun fight
WHY R THERE SO MANY SITH WHERE IS TJE RULE OF TWO
i clicked a workbench and it said lightsaber so either i get a lightsaber or i get a jedi friend whose lightsaber i can steal if im careful
I assume u play as revan in kotor2 so im gonna buy that now so i can play it when im done playing w this clown
i got light side points im getting a good grade in game morality which is something both normal to want and possible to achieve
everyone keeps saying revan is dead but thats my friend revan from tumblr hes clearly alive. or they???
my characters ass is distractingly present onscreen
huge fan of the way everyone collapsed drunk what the FUCK was in that wine
ok these sith ppl might be the bad guys but their armour is DRIPPY AS FUCK
ideologically i dont agree w the sith but they kinda went off w the fits
googling how to become a sith without being evil cause they have Drip
SESSION 2
i paid £1.19 to see revan he better show up in this game at some point
all these sith n i still cant find one revan….. stop faking ur death rn come out n talk to me babygirl this isnt like u….
why can i be light/dark side if im not a jedi. give me a laser sword
maybe this jedi gyal will know where revan is faking his death. or give me a fuckin lightsaber PLEASEEE
was just thinking 'does this game have romance' and then carth called me beautiful. i dont think im gonna romance anyone until i get this amnesia sorted
why is carth questioning me so much abt the crash im pretty sure i have amnesia
why tf did the jedi lady have me transferred to this ship are we in lesbians with each other???
carth's not wrong it is suspicious but i lowkey have amnesia so i coulda done that i coulda not
a lot of clone wars voice actors in this. was lucasfilm so broke in the 2000s that they could only afford the same 3 VAs for every project
mission is 14??????? we need to get my girl back in school
SESH 3
tale as old as time i fucking suck at racing games
ok i didnt realise you had to mash click i won
REVAN!!! REVAN!!!!!!!!!
why am i dreaming abt revan tho. real as hell but ?????
lmao cringe revan getting blown up. i thought the jedi beat rev-meister in a fight but no. accident
"such visions are often a sign of force sensitivity" COOL YAY GIVE ME A LIGHTSABER
BASTILLE LOST HER FUCKING LIGHTSABER??
CARTH IS RIGHT THATS LIKE DAY ONE JEDI SHIT. ok i still love her even tho shes a bit of a bitch and also doesnt have a saber
if we find a lightsaber im taking it first tho
whys carth getting weird abt me being weird that he doesnt trust me. i just wanna be friends mate
SESH IV: A NEW HOPE
'i mean no disrespect, but perhaps one of the male slaves could serve you better' i went in here to start a slave revolution and instead got called a lesbo
LMAO THERES A SPICE LAB???? WALTER WHITE WHERE ARE YOU
thats insaneee they blew up BILLIONS of people to get to one jedi?????? these sith arent fucking around theyre scary
UM THIS IS CRAZY GRAPHICS THE LIGHTING IS CLEARER/DARKER WHEN I COVER THE SUN W THE SHIP EDGE?? 2003 IS THE YEAR OF THE FUTURE
someone just called me padawan i kinda assumed i was in my late 20s do i just have baby vibes
all the jedi in the movies are so chill but every kotor jedi i've met so far has been a bit of a bitch
YO THEY HAVE A YODA!!! its not THE yoda but
cool so these guys are just the regional managers at best. your asses are not the council
why can everyone smell my force juju so strong
THATS STRAIGHT UP YODA'S CLONE WARS VA
why does fake yoda not blink both eyes at the same time. im calling him master tortimer he reminds me of the animal crossing mayor
bastila there was no need for such a fancy bow
malak is like evil aang
revan is so much shorter than malak omg
are me and bastila sharing dreams. are we both obsessed w revan
poor mission ):
WHAT WAS MASTER TORTIMER ABT TO SAY????????? EVER SINCE WHEN??? DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE MY AMNESIACS????? DID BASTILA TELL U SMTHN MORE WHEN I WASNT IN THE ROOM???
im intrigued i like this whole hidden jedi shtick its very compelling. so is whatever theyre hiding from me
kinda surprising no jedi found me before tho given my force juju is so strong
IM A LEGIT JEDI NOW??? SICK!!!
does revan rlly not have pronouns i thought that was a tumblr thing but they straight up are a nonbinary icon ive never heard a single pronoun used. revan's pronouns are revan/revan's
damn revan seems so cool in these stories (charismatic war hero that convinced their troops to join them as conqueror?? julius caesar) and yet all we've seen them do onscreen is get blown up and die by accident
A YEAR AGO? the way they were talking i assumed revan died like. a week before the game started
master uh i forgot his name he has martin scorcese vibes said revan was a paragon of the jedi so what im getting is that all jedi gifted kids turn evil
even if i didnt know revan as a tumblr darling id KNOW revan has to be alive somewhere they way everyone talks abt them is too cool for a character who exploded and died. i think. i hope. I PAID £1.19 TO MEET REVAN
'only you and bastila can stop malak' seriously????? just us two?? ive been a jedi for like, 6 minutes and you guys keep calling bastila young???? do you guys not wanna help??
omg im getting carth to traumadump! <3
HE WAS ON REVAN'S ARMY>??
i totally knew the jedi code and did not have to google it whatsoever
they rlly said fuck going to illum heres a crystal from the bin
he told me id be a great sentinel and i was like i know but i want blue cause i dont wanna be matchies with bastila
OGH!!! I HAVE A LIGHTSABER!!!! THIS IS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!!
omg i made my lightsaber perfectlyyy which is rare <3 getting a good grade in jedi
maybe i was a travelling lightsaber salesman before my amnesia
seriously though WHO was i everyone's kinda stopped acting like i have amnesia since the first mission BUT IVE PLAYED DRAGON AGE THAT GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES TO RP UR PAST. THIS DOESNT. EITHER THIS GAME IS BAD (but i love it so its not) OR I HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA
also everyone keeps being like "Oh ur force juju is so strong" AND NOBODY FOUND ME TIL NOW??? suspicious. did getting a really bad concussion activate the force in me
im too confused and amnesiac'd to think abt anything except the fact i have a glowing stick now
FSESH FIVE:
big fan of using aliens to avoid having to get VAs to read every line
oh so carth's boyfriend saul betrayed him and became leader of the sith fleet so he has trust issues
well he needs to calm down. i can't betray him cause i dont know what the fuck is happening
yooo i love the design differences on the mandalorians
oh my god this lady wanted to fuck her droid cause it was her husband's. and then it killed itself. wtf. game of the year tho
wtf they jebaited this juhani person into going dark side but then i talked her out of it. that seems a bit mean of them
i hope she can join my party she looks too unique to be a random npc
ive been thinking and I might be going crazy but there was a loading screen tip ages ago that said jedis could wipe ppl's mind and all i thought at the time was 'fuck the shitshow acolyte didnt make that up'. but what if one of them wiped MY memory and i used to be a jedi or smthn ????????
cause they keep being like ur weirdly good at this??? did bastila steal my memories??????????
I KNOW I HAVE AMNESIA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN'T BRING IT UP BC THEYRE PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE MY FEELINGS
if i dont have amnesia and im just deeping the fact the opening had my life being mansplained then im gonna look real stupid
anyway time 2 go to the fuckshit ruins cave where r-dog and malak went to
"it must be referring to revan. the dark lord and malak--" revan's pronouns are revan/thedarklord
bastila said theres no mention of the Builders in the archives. does she just know every text off by heart
THIS DROID IS 20K YEARS OLD ???
omg i can equip 2 lightsabers at once. game of the year
OK I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE AMNESIA BASTILA IS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BACKGROUND THAT I CAN ANSWER. I REPEAT I DO NOT HAVE AMNESIA
ok i didnt get choices and i didnt really uh… say anything that i didnt already get told im still not ruling out amnesia
also booo i didnt get to find out how old i was
master tortimer rlly looks like the ultimate ketamine yoda
LMAO THERE WAS A DIALOGUE OPTION 2 CALL JUHANI A CATGIRL
omg kashyyk from jedi fallen order!!!
I CAN UPGRADE MY LIGHTSABER THIS IS JUST LIKE JFO
omg this ship is fun i wish everyone had personalised bunk spaces like hfw… a game which came out 19 years after this i should probably just take what we have
im gonna start w manaan cause im p sure thats what B-dog said n its the same language the droid was speakin
omg hyperspace from star wars
THE GUY THE BUILDING FELL ON???
am i having dreams abt revan bc bastila killed revan and im connected to her this is so roundabout
maybe i'd sleep better if my ponytail wasnt clipping into the pillow
[kiwi accent] six
carth needs a xanax every time i think we're friends he stops trusting me
also lmao he actually pointed out how wild it was that a day one padawan is being sent on this uber important mission and HES RIGHT IT IS WEIRD!! i thought it was main character logic but he's calling it out
i really really like the sense of unease that's setting in like at first i thought it was just cause im not used to 2003 games but no this is on purpose bc carth my friend carth keeps calling it out
THERE IS A CHILD ON MY SHIP ??????????????????
lmao the representative for menaan is roland wann. its like poetry it rhymes
there are no cameras in the sith hangar <3 rookie error i can commit crimes now
bastila's favourite hobby is getting shot and walking into my grenades
this isnt a combat system this is a missing system
I GOT ARRESTED???? IM JUST A GIRL
nvm i had a datapad that said the sith were evil so theyve let me go free and we're besties
why do i feel like ive just walked into an underwater horror mission
this suit waddles at the speed of a penguin on fentanyl
i tamed the beastie this is like how to train your dragon
MALAK FIRED ON REVAN?????? WERENT THEY BEST FRIENDS???????
but maybe revan escaped when bastila wasnt looking THEYRE FINE THEYRE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. I BELIEVE
so hopefully when we run into revan they'll be like agh i changed my ways cause of the being shot thing and they'll be my bestie
great news i successfully communicated w the ship child and gave her back to dantooine. my girl has shockingly good linguisitics skills
bastila is so dour "oh watch out for the dark side" GIRL I AM. I NEED TO GET THE BEST GRADE IN GAME MORALITY
ok OFF TO KASHYYK i hope cal kestis is there… thru the force i guess… bc he wont be born for another 4000 years but its whatever
omg you'll never guess what. another vision. wow its one of the thangs. cool this is a tomorrow me problem
#going off the comments and the fact im at what i assume is the third act i think this playthrough will be less than 29 hours lmao#cause im 16-17 hours in and i assume korriban and whatever comes next wont take me 12 hours total LOL#i always finish games quicker than how long to beat says its my one single gamer skill#kotor#knights of the old republic#swkotor#talk is cheap
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Can't even talk about how sad and offended I am for how the characters handled the situation with Kant. I understand that Style wants to save his friend and that Kant wants to save himself (even if I don't believe a single word he says) but I'm so mad at Bison.
Why does he keep thinking it's all about him? Kant offended both. Not only Bison. He can't choose what Fadel is allowed to feel after all the problems he caused.
1. Kant almost sent him and Bison to jail. Yes, this betrayal affects Fadel too because it's more than a love story.
2. Kant put Style in danger, facing extreme situations (like getting shot) as consequences of Kant's lies. And yes, I know Style ended up accepting but he literally didn't have other options because Kant said "he can kill you if you leave now" and then "you are all I have".
3. Kant's plan triggered Fadel's past trauma and fears of:
a. Letting people in.
b. Betrayal.
c. Losing someone he loves.
Even if he could heal from a and b, he still needs to suffer from the c. Because, he knew since the beginning of the show, why he shouldn't dream of love. Because his lifestyle doesn't let him, because if you love someone you don't put them in danger. He can still lose Style and the cycle will start over and over again. It's crazy how little this show cares about mental health. Bison's is non-existent.
And after all of that, Bison decides that he will still put himself first, and make this whole scene (which is a clear emotional reaction after all the trauma) about himself as if this was always about not letting him get a boyfriend. It was never about that. The audacity of pointing a gun to Fadel and say "It's my life" as if it wasn't Fadel's too. Did Bison ever care about Fadel? Because Style is the only person who respects his feelings. Did he ever think about him when he did all of this? He literally ran away out of anger to "kill" Kant and didn't even tell him where. He not only didn't kill Kant but also teamed up with him.
And then he only says "I'm sorry, I was angry".
It's crazy.
Then you can tell me Bison isn't selfish and self-centered. How can't he never think about Fadel after doing anything? And when he could, he just pointed a gun at him because he chose himself. And let me tell you: Bison never had enough reasons to believe Kant was truthful. Fadel has reasons to believe because he knows that, somewhere in the middle, Style didn't even know about all of this (not to mention that their development was more realistic and coherent). Why still choosing Kant over Fadel? And I know it's not like he would've killed him but that action was a whole statement.
And even after all of the things Fadel had to face for Bison, he still chooses Bison. Fadel celebrated Bison's birthday (while being angry and hurt) and decided to forgive Kant. What Bison ever did for Fadel? He's just ungrateful for his protection.
It felt so wrong to see how Bison never take any of Fadel's feelings seriously. Like he doesn't matter because he's just a sad and bored brother. He probably doesn't know about any of the things Fadel went through because Fadel only told some stuff to someone who proved to care about him. And that's Style. And that's why I think Style was right when he said he's the only one who really wants the best for him.
Fadel was mocked off again during the "almost shooting" Kant scene. Whatever hurt Fadel felt, it doesn't matter because we only care about Bison's. Fadel gets to put the gun down and make some joke????? about the seafood????? And then you want to tell me the show takes Fadel's feelings serious? I literally can't rewatch that scene because I can't stand it. It feels so wrong. So much hurt untold and unhealed for the sake of the "plot".
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I feel like there's so much your parents are supposed to teach you how to do, and mine didn't. Some of it they assumed I already knew (?) Or punished me for not knowing (??) And now I'm out here clueless. There is a lot that I do not feel I have the knowledge or ability to handle. Where is the support you promised?
#mine#family stuff#and I've taught myself a lot#sought out other people to teach me some stuff too#but my dad told me to put in information from my W2 to do my taxes and called it good#self employed now and this looks like I will do it wrong#and struggling to get a new copy of my birth certificate. because he lost the first one and now I can't get a new ID#job applications. credit cards. rent applications resumes fucking. never talked to me about sex?#a lot of people don't have this kind of support. and there are resources for a lot of it. and I know how to keep myself alive so it's fine.#but I'm still mad. and I think that's allowed#if they hadn't pretended they were setting me up for success maybe I could have learned more when I was in high school#people wanted to help me then. and I'm young and arguably have plenty of time but this is so stressful#mostly my dad taught me to do it Right or everything falls to ruin. and my mom taught me there's something wrong with me#now everything feels tenuous. if something is within reach I hold onto it for dear life but I don't want to so I end up making distance#self sabotage at this point. out of fear
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I don’t remember if it ever came up, but now that Akechi has his memories of the last timeline back, did he have Confidants then too?
hmm.... i think i kept meaning to bring it up, but since shuake are in divorce mode and Ren's the only one who would know to ask, it keeps slipping me by
and in all likelihood it will keep slipping me by, so I'll just provide an answer here:
ehhhh yes and no? I would say that he DID unlock the Justice confidant, smiled very brightly and thought "what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck" but i'm going to pull this out of my ass right now and say that it didn't happen at the TV studio like it did for Ren, but rather after their first game of billiards, since that would be the tipping point for Akechi having genuine interest in him beyond just "that's the guy that's so fucking dumb he announced his criminal activity in a hallway"
of course, this timeline the Justice arcanae activated at the same time, both because of the established precedent of Sumire and the things she'd spilled to Akechi, but also because of last timeline Justice Confidant Fuckery, as it was wont to do in early fftsr.
I keep going back and forth on whether he would have unlocked the Moon or the Devil in the first timeline. I definitely think that Akechi would have had far less interaction with the Velvet Room, to the point where they stopped bothering him at all, maybe even the entire year, since he was on-track to play his role perfectly. This time, though; even though Yaldy wasn't entirely in the know at first, he still noticed that somthing was up with time. Plus, his chosen champion kept making friends and that was a real pain in the ass.
Hm okay actually i'm going to make a call about the Devil/Moon situation. Since i've established confidants as "connections that will change fate (for better or worse)" I'll say that Akechi did get the Devil, but skipped Moon. The OG timeline was a very bleak place for Akechi HAHAHA.
He definitely was Not Thrilled by this outcome, and put all his energy into ignoring it was happening. He honestly probably thought he was hallucinating, since the Velvet Room never confronted him on it lmao.
annnnd that's it! I really did mean to bring it up at some point, but, alas. Maybe one day Ren will get curious. fhsdjkdf i remember that Sumire and Haru know about the arcana and that Akechi has them, but I can't remember for the life of me if Probably Sumire shared that information with Ren. I'll have to check
ty for the ask!
#asks#fftsr#I think I *intended* to have a moment where Sumire was like#“oh haha i'm Goro's Magician. What am i for you?”#but i can't remember if i only thought about that scene in concept or if I actually wrote it#I'm pretty sure I only thought about it since i can't think of a Ren and Sumire interaction that would have allowed for something like that#especially in the early days after the timetravel nonsense was revealed since everyone was stressed and mad at each other#maybe i should still write it HAHAHA it would be a cute scene#the reason why that's relevant is because that would be the only feasible reason for Ren to find out that Akechi has confidants like he doe#i mean he knows Akechi has access to the Velvet Room so thta might be enough to force him to make assumptions#but not a confirmation#hold on now i'm vaguely remembering other scenes that might have happened#UGH now i've gotta comb through all the chapters after 45 if I ever want to write this scene LMAO
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in a better timeline where theo is actually a character and not just a plot device he and rakiel develop this weird and confusing dynamic where rakiel is still very clearly theo's older brother except for those moments where his inner ahjussi comes out and he parents theo more than his father ever did and he slowly starts taking asterion's place as theo's father figure.
neither of them really notice because 1) lee han was an only child and he's not really that aware of what is or isn't normal sibling behavior and he doesn't really care either he just sees theo craving approval and being lowkey passively suicidal and goes "is anyone gonna take care of that" and then doesn't wait for an answer before doing it himself and 2) because theo has been neglected his entire life and doesn't recognize what rakiel is doing as 'parenting' because, well, asterion never did that with him so his first experience with that kind of care and treatment is from rakiel so he automatically files it as 'hyung behavior'. so none of them actually realize when their dynamic blurs the line between siblings and parent-child.
but asterion does. just... way too late. when he's already lost his chance with not one, but both of his children. when one son is forever out of his reach and the other has filled what should've been his place with someone else. only then does he realize what his neglect and putting his title as emperor above that of father has cost him. when there's nothing he can do about it.
he wanted his sons to grow up without needing him. and they did. they don't need him anymore. and he didn't realize how terrible of a thing that was until it was far too late to fix it.
#i talk a lot <3#cpsm#crown prince sells medicine#tap#the apothecary prince#rakiel magentano#theodore magentano#asterion magentano#sorry i'm obsessed with this fucked little family#they have so many issues <333#most of them caused by asterion#the thing is. the narrative doesn't let asterion get off easy for the shit he pulled on rakiel.#not completely. does have a full character arc about it. and he tries to get better so bad.#but he's so terrible as a parent that even when he's trying to do better he still fucks up so hard.#because while he tries to be better to rakiel. he doesn't seem to be nearly as concerned for theo.#and like. sir. you have two children. you neglected both of them. why are you only trying to make amends with the one#that is succeeding so hard at life he's become a saint and not both of them if you're actually trying to be a better father.#the answer is of course that rakiel is the protagonist and bk moon doesn't actually cares for theo but!!#i am allowed to be mad at the character anyway <3#i'm a petty person and i deserved to see asterion lose both his sons in one go. i think that would've fucked.
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(。・ω・。)ノ♡
#Alright I got tragically interrupted while watching it but I'm finally finished watching the episode!!#It's really really good both the animation and drawings are very detailed compared to the rest of the anime but...#The pace is so off :((( Like it's not the end of the world but ugh. It's unfortunate...#So many things just don't hit off as deeply because everything is moving so fast all the time and there's no time to process anything.#They won't allow you one second for the last line of a scene to sink in that the next scene's ost is already playing.#And like it's not even the worst crime an anime can commit I guess but still...#I wish they didn't. Like rather than make a 13 episodes season and squeeze the Sky Casino arc in merely two episodes it would have been–#a lot better to finish the season at the previous episode and make 12 episodes out of everything (so that everything could be better paced)#Like yeah maybe it's not the best season ending that there can be but... It's not terrible either‚ you have Atsushi saying the line–#“there's still hope” and the season ending there‚ that's pretty cool#I don't know why everyone feels like they have to rush all the time.#Guys do I have to be the one to remind you you make more money if more season come out.#Like how can the knowledge of Sigma being made by the book have any kind of impact when we've only known him for ten minutes.#Teruko's looking mad AND looking cutesy AND blowing up the landing zone didn't have the same comedic effect they did in the manga because..#It just happened all together! There's no time to process anything. Or maybe I'm just slow idk but I mean YOU GOTTA–#MAKE TIME FOR THE OPENING AND ENDING IN THE EPISODE c'mon man#Sorry I'm complaining it's actually good. I really really love Teruko & Tachihara. Jouno too!!!#I liked the Tahihara spotlight this episode... It's so cute to see what he's like when he's not acting– well‚ not completely I guess#Mmmmhhh.#Yesterday I read an interesting post on how a lot of early dc/mk wouldn't work today because the technology of the world has changed SO muc#I think a similar reflection can be made for the doa terrorist plot. Countries are pushing towards a complete digital money transition.#In 50 years or so coins may not be circulating anymore and today already the impact of this terrorist plot would be a lot smaller–#compared to when the chapters were coming out. I think#Well. Nice episode! Forward to next week! If tomorrow's manga chapter hasn't killed me before that#random rambles
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Has time always moved this fast? I'm genuinely asking. In 200 years we went from Bridgerton to AI. The everyday lives of people in each of these eras feel like universes apart. I'm no historian, but it seems like the everyday lives of people between 1500 and 1700 weren't that different.
Have humans throughout time immemorial reflected on life 30 years ago, 100 years ago and commented on how vastly different it was? It feels like we're running at a breakneck pace in the modern era. The It Gets Better project was founded in 2010 because gay people were so universally ostracized that lgbt teen suicide rates were off the charts. And while we're still pretty far from full LGBT equality, openly having a problem with gay people existing is a pretty fringe opinion now that's fairly universally frowned upon, even in the southern US.
I'm pretty sure the first time a woman wore pants in congress was in the 90s.
Culturally, technologically, resource-wise, it feels like every 5 years we leap 5 decades forward. Is it just our own preoccupation with the era we live in that makes this moment feel so significant? Or are we actually moving as quickly as it feels?
I know people have always laughed at the grandpa's who complain "when I was your age...", but has the gap ever been this wide? Or is there truly something special about now.
#before someone @s me about *but some people still disapprove of gay people existing!!!*#i know. I'm from the south.#but even southerners know it's no longer something they're allowed to talk openly abt because doing so will make people think they're crazy#they may privately have a problem with gay ppl existing and say so amongst friends family and church#but nowadays it's the kid who's weirdly hung up on jimmy having a boyfriend who's uncool and strange. no one else has a problem with jimmy#even the radical conservatives are aware they ostracise themselves by throwing a fit abt gay people existing#that's why they're so fucking mad. that's why they're fighting so fucking hard. their opinions haven't changed#and 15 years ago they were on the side of the majority and now their opinions make them weirdos#they're evil but i kinda get why they feel like it's everyone else going crazy around them and not their own opinions that are the problem#again. there may yet be some spaces and schools in the US where it's still weird to be gay. but i would say that is the outlier#anyway that's not really my point i just know this site doesn't have reading comprehension#I'm genuinely curious as to whether time always feels like this or if it's us#yes every century has wars and pandemics and dynasty changes that impact history#but it kinda feels like the experience of a pandemic in 2020 with a smartphone and doordash is pretty significantly different than#the experience of a pandemic in 1500. 1300. etc. which maybe felt a lot more similar to each other.#and not to even mention the rapid changes in fashion!!!
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100 days since a brand crossed Markiplier
29/8/23
(Be careful when reading the tags if you're sensitive to, albeit glancing, references to sexual assault/grooming)
#markiplier#someone made a joke about resetting because Mark didn't win a gamer streamy the other night#I skipped watching the award show because I knew Dream would be involved and I refuse to interact with anything that gives him a platform#but when I looked up who beat Markiplier in that category my unease grew#like obviously I'm not going to bring mcyt drama to a markiplier blog#but god it makes me so uncomfortable that a groomer who is 100% unremorseful about his actions was allowed to be a nominee#let alone *win* when genuinely good people who work hard on their channels were in the same category#anyway that's all I'll say about it because this is supposed to be a fun little fandom based sideblog#however I have been on the fence this evening about whether to genuinely go#'fuck the streamys for letting Dream have a chance to win let alone actually walk away with an award'#I'm still undecided and need to check how the winner was picked (I think public vote but wanna be sure)#I'm just mad and disgusted and completely uneasy#either way I wanted to quickly get my thoughts out but now I've delayed the post by 20 minutes by typing so sorry and here you go
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I'm usually pretty boyfriend/male love interest critical so it catches me by surprise that despite only having seen the 25th anniversary edition, I don't think very ill of Raoul while a lot of other people really seem to hate him.
In fairness some of that has to be because of Love Never Dies.
#I guess I think about it as sort of. I love Christine. And she is off her gourd. In a fascinating way! But you know.#she's still mad with the grief of her father. Has clearly always been an imaginative (perhaps superstitious) girl and Raoul knows this#and she keeps going on about an Opera Ghost and an Angel sent by her father#and Raoul is half correct when he says it's just in her mind. When he thinks that it's just Christine's grief and fear talking#The Phantom is real and he is manipulating Christine's fear and grief and imaginative mind#presenting himself as an otherworldly avatar of her father. Which is an insane scenario.#While it's true that Christine refers to him as a man she also partly believes - or allows herself to believe; or wills herself to believe#that he is an angel or a ghost or something supernatural#And Raoul is like I'm going to love you so hard none of that is going to bother you anymore.
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I really want Day to get big mad at everyone.
I want Day to blow up at his Mum and Night and Mhok. I want Day to realise his power and his strength and his right to make his own decisions, to choose his own path, make mistakes, take risks and have secrets.
I want Day to get completely fed up with people using his disability as a way to keep him close, to keep him in check, to keep him reliant on them, to keep him scared.
I want Day to tell them all to get fucked. He might still need assistance with his disability but that doesn't mean he needs THEM. I want Day to up and go stay with Aon.
I want to see the different stages of realisation in Night, Mhok and their mum. Night knows Day is right and he's already acted on this understanding. Their Mum has to know that Day doesn't need her as a carer - she's never home. But Mhok will be oblivious, completely blindsided by Day's words and behaviour.
Mhok who hides from any internal study by focusing on what's outside. He focuses on Day, puts everything into Day. He attaches himself to Day's vulnerability, but he carefully keeps his own vulnerability behind sky high walls.
He kissed Day in a moment of Day's vulnerability, he took strength from it and did the scary thing (but perhaps Mhok's fear was tempered by the imbalance of power that always exists between them). Now Mhok needs to tear down the walls. He needs to make himself more vulnerable than he has ever seen Day. And he has to do it with the knowledge that Day doesn't need him, and Day might not want or choose him. Mhok has relied on his position of power in their relationship, he has keep secrets and made decisions that benefited him whilst telling himself that it was all for Day.
Mhok needs to be scared and alone, he needs to feel the threat of abandonment. He needs to feel like Day did when Mhok pranked him at the beach.
He needs to do the big scary thing, and he needs to do it from a place of powerlessness and respect.
#last twilight#last twilight the series#mhokday#I'm big mad#Day you are allowed to be big mad too#Mhok I love you with my whole heart but you gotta step up#Night in the background just being Night and we all swoon#Mama you've done an amazing job. you're boys are great people. you made a home and a future and security for them#now you gotta take a breath and realise that the work of the provider is done. the boys need their mama#Mhok needs his mama and sister too but that's too sad to think about while I'm still mad
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Out of the 287,773 Supernatural fics on Ao3, just 12,817 fics include Jack Kline (203 of them being tagged toddler jack kline or jack kline is metaphorically a baby) and only 105 include him being shipped with canon characters that aren't winkilne or the reader. And most of the time Jack isn't even the main focus! I'm sorry??? Do with that what you will.
#spn#supernatural#jack kline#jack spn#I'm getting mad#did you know that the only canonish love interest Jack has (Harper Sayles) has just TWO FICS that make them a pairing??#..bitch excuse me?#And yes#this includes Jack x Claire because they aren't really siblings#and it's the second most tagged pairing for jack that isn't winkline or y/n#so without it there's only 86#and like this isn't to hate on anyone who thinks he's aroace#especially if it's cause of their own experiences#but I DOUBT there would be that little of fics where Jack is allowed to be a boyfriend if it weren't for people viewing him as a baby/toddl#just my personal opinion tho#the correct opinion but still#but anyway here's my probably hot take#evan stop talking
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im the front desk lead so i get to boss front desk people around (i hate it im so bad at being authoritative) but it also means i have to make slightly passive aggressive messages in the work chat like once a month about things ive already asked them multiple times to stay on top of but its so annoying the more i tell them and the more they just Dont do it SKJSLKAD im trying so hard to make this message look like im not mad and that im not trying to be the bitchy manager type and i dont want it to sound like im talking down to them but also like its part of ur job i shouldnt be one of the only ones doing this PLUS I SHOULDNT HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING U TO DO THIS DFJLKSLDKS
#n i still do everything i preach btw im not one of those bossy shift leads that make everyone work while i just sit on my ass the whole time#(i mean i dont think itd get done if i didnt do it anyway but thats not the point HAHAHA)#i think like one other person actually listens to me JKDJSLAS i love her tho shes great#on 1 hand i dont want them to be annoyed at me (for asking them to do their job) but on the other hand IM annoyed that i have to even ask😭#because believe it or not almost everyone here gets mad when a team lead asks them to do smth instead of letting them sit on their phone lo#walking into my opening shift seeing everything look hella messy STRESSES ME OUTTTT like damn bitch u live like this HAHA#like i'll come back after 3 days of not working and its just a mess JDJFLS other ppl are like omg kat it was a disaster everythings so bad#like ?? am i like the only person actually doing shit here????? am i the glue holding this position together JSJDLSAJDSL bROOOO#ik this sounds so much like the closing shift vs opening shift 'a single dust spec? erm who closed last night🤨☝️' tiktokts but alsooooo#as someone who closes AND opens i'm allowed to say what i want HAHAA ive been on both arguments here LMFAO#like closing is supposed to make it look nice for when we open becauseeeee opening shifts START like 15-30min before we open doors#its not like opening shift can get that all done in time on top of actually getting things read to open...#whatever i'll be gone for 2 weeks lets see if it all goes up in flames HAHAHA#trials and tribulations of kats work life
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i'm so glad i won't be working with my pi after this month. i think i've reached my limit. i just can't deal with her anymore
#she said 'oh idk if i can make it to your thesis'#SHE IS ON MY THESIS COMMITTEE. SHE'S KNOWN ABOUT THIS FOR A YEARRRRRR#she said she might be on vacation w her bf... instead of going to my fucking thesis defense.#there was a special vote just so she could be on my committee. wdym you have to go on vacation#ALSO i've been asking her to check my calculations for a thing for MONTHS#and she still hasn't. but she made me present on it in front of a bunch of people.#i'd like to note that this calculation is like. the point of my thesis. and she hasn't even bothered to look at it#she forced the interns to work 50 hours last week. they're only being paid for 40.#she hasn't read any part of my thesis... others have but they don't know the details like she does#i told her to read my fucking thesis and she said she had and that it 'looked good'#what does that mean. WHAT does that mean. how do you have no comments. on my thesis. that determines whether i graduate#and then she said i'm ''irresponsible'' bc i went to a concert???#like it didn't affect anything. i showed up to work on time. i completed everything i meant to.#but i guess going to one concert is like. unacceptable.#i'm sooooo sorry i decided to go have fun for one night instead of agonizing about my thesis (that again. she hasn't read)#she asked if i want to give a talk at the new place she got hired at but she now works for fus#which is a incredibly conservative homophobic private catholic university. i've never heard anything positive about it#like they're legally allowed to discriminate against lgbt people... does she know what i fucking look like????#she's so so conservative but she only interacts with other conservative catholics#and doesn't understand how fucking vile her views are. and she wonders why people don't like her#like maybe she should shut the fuck up about how she thinks abortion is a sin at work!!#she once said 'the only time i feel uncomfortable in my skin is when i talk about being a conservative catholic at work'#AND THEN SHE SAID 'it really makes me understand how hijabis feel'#IN FRONT OF MY HIJABI COLLEAGUE. HELLO???? like she is not persecuted for being a conservative catholic#i literally started laughing when she said that. i think i said 'please get real'. and she's still mad#anyway. my colleague decided to no longer work with my pi. idk if it was bc of that comment#she mentioned that once i leave there won't be anyone who understands the data on the project anymore#like yeah. maybe you should've looked at the data. like at all#and not had an unpaid master's student do literally all the work for you
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I was just thinking how nice it would have been, if in an alternative version of Helluva Boss, Stolas was still a terrible person but he divorced Stella, raised Octavia as a single father but still allowed Octavia to see her mother on weekends and certain holidays because he realized the importance of having two parents around, and Stella was an actually reasonable villain because she keeps trying to ruin Octavia and Stolas's relationship and is running a smear campaign against Stolas.
#꧁rambles꧂#This isn't part of my rewrite BTW#I was just thinking what could have been#I'm still mad Octavia isn't allowed to be mad at Stolas because it makes him looks like a bad dad-#when Octavia ran away twice from him because he was being neglectful#helluva boss critical#helluva boss criticism#helluva critical#꧁rambles꧂
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please take me in like i've been taught you known to do
#Mac @ God#please take me because you might be the only thing i have left. hold me like i'm yours to your holy heart#in spite of it all still#Mac McDonald#this dude got me waxing poetic and it's disgusting#im mad (semi-serious)#i think im allowed to play with his religiosity in a sense of taking it a bit more seriously#he is at war with God but she grounds him like a crucifix#gross
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