#but I'm not used to our brain just kinda doing that by itself

[thethingything]

I just turned to talk to another alter as if there was someone co-fronting when there wasn't and had a little kind of mental notification saying "there's no one around right now" in my brain which is kind of ominous and not something I've seen happen before but sure I guess our brain's just doing whatever the fuck right now

[lustfulslxt]

What Are You Doing Step Bro? - Chris Sturniolo

summary : you go on a small trip with your new “family”. you and chris, your stepbrother, test the waters and give into your deepest desires.

warnings : step siblings kink, breeding kink, swearing. think that's it, but probably not. NSFW

a/n : i do not want to hear a single thing about how they're related, it's incest, it's gross, it's weird -- whatever the fuck. there are absolutely no blood relations! if you're not into this kinda thing, simply shut up and keep scrolling while the rest of us get our rocks off :)))))))

--

His wavy brown hair falls perfectly over his face as he packs his duffel bag. The moonlight illuminates his prominent cheekbones. His long eyelashes brush over his cheeks every time his eyes flutter, the cool light making his bright blue irises damn near glow. His sharp jaw clenches every time his mind runs back to this dreaded 'family' trip. His muscly arms flex with every movement he makes. Every so often, his tongue flicks over his pretty, pink lips. Oh, those lips, how badly I want to feel them dance across my skin. I shouldn't be thinking these kinds of things, but I can't help it. The way he carries himself, so confident and sexy.

It's been a year since our families moved in together. Him, his father, my mother, and me. Our parents got married out of the blue. Honestly, I hadn't even seen much of his father before they announced their engagement, so, it was a surprise they had sprung on us. Then, abruptly uprooting us from our own lives just to come together as a supposed family. We're not family.

His father tries too hard, and Chris is just a douchebag. We bicker so much, yet I can't help but feel extremely attracted to him. There's no doubt in my mind, if he wasn't my stepbrother, I would have been pounced. When we're arguing about who's turn it is for the bathroom, sometimes, I imagine locking us in there and jumping his bones. I know I'm not imagining things, there's an extreme tension between us. However, there's nothing I can do about it.

"Have you even started packing?" His deep voice snaps me from my spiraling thoughts.

I scoff, "Of course, I'm not an idiot. I don't wait until the last minute to do things, like you."

He shakes his head, a smirk pulling to his luscious lips. "I make it work, sweetheart. Just cause you like to be the obedient good little girl."

I turn my head away from him to hide the flush in my cheeks, "Don't call me that."

"Which one?" His smirk grows, "Sweetheart? Or good little girl?"

"Don't call me either of them!" I snap, fulling turning my body to the opposite side of the room.

I can feel my skin burning with desire. I mentally curse myself at my bodily reactions to his simple, yet teasing words. He knows what he's doing, and it's driving me mad. I huff a little before walking off in the direction of my bedroom, his faint chuckling being heard before I close my door.

I jump onto my bed, my limbs sprawling out, and look up at the ceiling. My lips curve upwards, a shit eating grin planting itself on my face. God, I hate him. More so, I hate that I don’t hate him. I hate that I want him as bad as I do. It’s not right.

I spend the rest of the night lying in bed, scrolling through various social medias to keep my mind off of the boy in the room right next to mine. It only seems to work half of the time, my stupid brain continuously wanders back to him. Ugh, why would my mother do this to me? She knows how much I lack self control.

—

The next morning, I spend the first couple of hours getting last minute things ready for our trip. Maybe I lied to Chris last night, saying I had already packed. He doesn’t need to know.

I just got out of the shower and into my room, still wrapped in a towel. I sit on my bed, letting myself cool off and air dry a little bit. After a few minutes of doing nothing, I stand up to dry my hair, only realizing my blow dryer is in the bathroom. I groan and make my way back out into the hall, but when I get to the bathroom door, I realize the shower is running. Of course he’d be in there when I need to grab stuff. After a split second of pondering, I decide to just quickly grab my blow dryer and my brush.

Upon opening the door, steam flows out of the bright room, and I can feel the humidity in there. I scurry to the counter, quickly grabbing my things, when I pause. My eyes staring into the mirror, solely focused on the scene behind me. Our shower door is clear, and though it’s foggy, I can still see right through it.

There, Chris is, in all his glory. His body glistens, water steadily pouring down over him. His hair is stuck to his forehead, his head tilted down while he lets the water run over him. His lean body curving in all the right places. My eyes involuntarily follow his figure down, locking right below his waist. My mouth waters at the sight. His dick hangs down, the same color as his lips, definitely above average. Even from far away, I can see the veins running along side it. My mouth slightly parts at the sight.

“You just gonna stand there and stare at me all day, or you gonna get in?” He asks, his head still facing the floor.

I gasp, slightly embarrassed that he caught me staring at him. “Don’t be weird!”

“Says the one looking at me like she wants to take a bite.” He chuckles, finally turning his head in my direction.

My face catches fire, the rosy shade deepening the longer we make eye contact. I force myself to look away, quickly grabbing my things and running out of there. How humiliating.

Shutting myself in my room, I pause and let out a deep breath. Before I can help it, another grin makes its way to my face. Wow, he’s hung. I shake my head, trying to rid my mind of certain thoughts. Why am I like this?

I set my stuff on my desk, plugging the blow dryer in to get to work. Making sure my towel is securely wrapped around my chest, I start to dry my hair, brushing through it as I go. My hair is super thick, so it usually takes a good minute to fully dry and get it how I like it.

The loud machine blasts in my ears, so loud that I hadn’t notice the presence in my room. The feeling of warm fingertips brushing the back of my thigh, right below my towel, causes me to jump and shriek in fear, my towel falling in the process. I quickly turn around to be met with Chris and his infamous smirk. I hurriedly bend down, yanking my towel back up to cover myself, but it’s too late. He already saw everything, and it’s evident on his features.

“What are you doing?” I squeal.

“What?” He asks, feigning innocence. “You can look at me, but I can’t look at you? That’s not fair, is it?”

“Chris.” I say, swallowing my nerves. “What do you want?”

He grins, flashing his pearly white teeth. “I’m not too sure I’m allowed to answer that. But I won’t tell if you won’t.”

I open my mouth to say something, yet fall short of words. I can’t speak, I can’t even think. He licks his lips and steps closer to me, his hand now brushing against the front of my thigh, just below the towel. My breath hitches in my throat, my skin tingling underneath his touch. He flattens his whole palm against my thigh, leaning in even closer to me.

“Chris!” His dad’s voice calls out from somewhere on the farther side of the house.

He tsks, his lips brushing against my ear, “I guess you’ll have to find out another time, sweetheart.”

Without another word, he walks off, leaving me standing there with a slack jaw as I stare into the distance. I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want him. He’s actually going to be the death of me. He makes it so easy to want to be bad.

I swallow, attempting to lubricate my now dry throat, and get back to getting ready. The entire time, Chris and the way his skin felt on mine never leaving my thoughts. In fact, I spent the remainder of my morning fantasizing about what it would be like to have him. All of him. Safe to say, I had to change my panties before leaving my room.

—

It's been a couple of hours since my little run in with Chris. For the most part, I've managed to keep myself occupied to keep him off of my mind. Yet, every now and then, I can feel my thoughts slipping into a steamy abyss filled with erotic fantasies involving my stepbrother. We're all getting ready to leave, taking trips out to the car, filling it with all of our bags and whatnot.

"The resort just called." My mother announces as we all gather at the front door. "Our room is ready for us."

"Splendid! Let's get this show on the road!" Chris' dad cheers, running off to the car with my mom.

Chris and I watch them before looking at each other. A sly smirk pulls to his lips, yet again, and he nods ahead of him. "After you, sweetheart."

I roll my eyes at the nickname and walk towards the backseat of the car. Whistling rings through the air, causing me to snap my head back. Chris is standing in the same spot, looking me up and down with his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Pervert." I mumble, lifting myself onto the seat and start crawling over towards the opposite side of the car.

Before I can even get to my seat, I leap forward with a yelp emitting from my mouth. My head shoots back, my eyes locking with Chris'. He's got that same devilish grin on his face that makes me want to drop my panties.

"What's wrong?" My mom asks from the front seat.

"He-" I start, only to be cut off by Chris.

"She hit her knee on the door."

I glare at him as he climbs in next to me. He shoots me a wink, which I only huff at. I lean over and pinch his arm, causing him to yank it away from me.

"What was that for?" He questions.

"You pinched my ass!" I whisper shout, appalled by his behavior, yet at the same time, turned on.

"Don't act like you didn't like it." He whispers back, his tongue running over his teeth.

I simply shut up, unable to disagree because he's right. I did like it. In fact, I loved it. I roll my eyes once more, annoyance flooding my veins. Not annoyed at him, more so at myself for being so affected by him. It's not right. I close my eyes and lean my head against the window, hoping sleep overcomes me.

I don't know how long it's been before my eyes flutter open, the sound of faint music waking me. My eyes squint, adjusting to the streetlamps that shine as we pass by them. I'm suddenly very aware of a warmth to my right. Looking over, I see Chris sat next to me rather than the opposite window like he was before.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my voice coming out in a low tone.

He looks over at me with furrowed eyebrows, "Minding my business. You should try it sometime, baby."

"Don't be a dick. I just woke up and you're basically sitting on top of me." I scoff, spreading my legs to push his away from me and give myself more room.

That might not have been a good idea. Chris' eyes trail down my body, boring into my parted thighs. I can practically see the gears turning in his head. He, yet again, smirks at me, licking his lips.

He leans into my ear, his warm breath fanning my ear, his voice husky. "Admit it, sweetheart. You'd love it if I was on top of you."

His hand brushes the top of my thigh, his fingertips lightly grazing my bare skin. I have to bite my lip to hold back the breathy moan that threatens to escape due to his words and his touch. When I don't say anything, his hand presses more firmly into me. Very slowly, his hand trails higher and higher, applying the same amount of pressure the whole way up. Today would be the day that I chose to wear a skirt.

My eyes are wide as I watch his hand, my lips slightly parting. I can feel the heat rushing to my face, as well as my core. I feel like I'm on fire. I quickly look at him and notice his gaze hasn't wavered from my face, his brain soaking in my reaction to his movements, trying to burn the image in his mind, so he never forgets it.

A shaky breath leaves my mouth as his hand slides under my skirt, disappearing to do God knows what. I'm stuck in place, not daring to move. I want to see how far he's going to take this; I don't want him to stop. I let out a small gasp as his fingers make contact with my clothed pussy. But just as quick as they're there, a voice moves through the air, and they're gone.

"Are you guys hungry?" His dad asks us, completely oblivious to what his son was doing.

Chris looks at me, awaiting an answer. I gulp, shaking my head, "N-no."

A small chuckle leaves Chris' mouth, his lips brushing against my ear. "I can feel how wet you are. Makes me want to bend you over the console and devour you."

"Oh my God." I mutter, my ears growing hot as I squeeze my legs shut and turn as much as I can to the door.

There's no way I can make it through this trip, absolutely no way. If he keeps this up, I'm going to lose it. I don't even know what he's trying to get out of this. Is he trying to humiliate me? Does he actually want to fuck? I groan, tossing my head back. I'm so screwed.

--

After what felt like the longest car ride of my life, we finally get to our destination. Our parents wanted to stop a get something to eat, so it took even longer to get to the hotel. We make our way inside, bags on top of bags in our hands. After we get checked in, my mom hands me a room key.

"You guys can head up, me and Jerry are going to make a quick pitstop." She informs Chris and me.

I look at her with an 'are you serious?' look, before my eyes subconsciously advert to Chris. He smiles at her and nods, letting them walk off to wherever. I keep my mouth shut and head to the elevators, him following my tail.

We get to the elevator and only have to wait a moment before the doors open. Walking inside, I glance at the room key to confirm the floor level. Without a word, I press the number '6', the doors shutting almost instantly.

"You know-" Chris begins, a slight curve on his lips. "You can lie to yourself all you want, but I can see it all over you. You want me as bad as I want you."

I harshly swallow, looking for the right words to say. Again, I'm left stuck stupid. How does he do this? The simplest statements leave me dazed and practically malfunctioning. He slowly walks over to me, backing me into the wall. I stare up at him, anticipating his every move. His body is pressed firmly against mine, causing me to shiver. His face is millimeters from mine. He lifts his free hand, wrapping it around my neck. My breath catches in my throat, my core throbbing at the small yet extreme gesture.

His fingertips slowly trail upwards, grazing over my chin. His thumb rubs across my lips, putting pressure on my bottom one and gently pulling it down. My lips are parted for just a moment before my bottom lips bounces back after he removes his finger. His hand grasps my jaw, his face inching closer and closer to mine.

"I'm going to destroy you." He whispers against my lips.

Before anything else can take place, the elevator dings and the doors open, snapping me from the trance he always seems to put me in. I quickly compose myself and scurry out of there, following the signs on the walls to get to our room. Once I get there, I swipe the card, running in the second the light clicks green. Chris has to catch the door with his foot, because I was not waiting for him.

Getting in, I take my time to admire the place. Everything looks so elegant and luxury. Since our parents are off doing whatever, I take the liberty to choose my bedroom for the week. The first one I walk into is amazing, and I'm satisfied with it. Tossing my bags at the foot of the bed, I lay back on it, stretching my limbs out. My short-lived peace disturbed when Chris comes strolling in with his bags.

"I already got dibs on this room." I say, pushing myself up on my elbows.

He snickers, "Jokes on you, we're roomies now."

"Excuse me?" I gape at him, "Yeah, no."

"Actually, we are. This is a two-bedroom suite."

"Are you serious right now?" I frown.

He hums, "Mhm. As serious as I was about what I said in the elevator."

My face grows hot, and I have to purse my lips to prevent them from curving up into a smile. I'm actually terrible, because why do I love this?

"We're here!" My mom's voice sounds from the living room of the suite.

I let out a breath, slightly relieved, yet slightly disappointed. I'm so conflicted. I can't help but want all the time in the world with Chris, but also never want to be alone with him. I can feel myself losing control, ready to give into the strong temptation. He's not making it easy either.

"I see you guys picked your room." Jerry grins, peeking his head in with a smile.

"As in we have to share?" I question.

"Yeah. I thought your mom told you."

I don't miss Chris' smirk as he listens to us, clearly enjoying the idea of sharing a room. I don't understand why my mother hates me. How could she sign me up for this without even talking to me about it?

"We're all family now, it's no big deal." I hear her chime in as she rounds the corner.

"Yeah, right." I mutter, my face falling at the simple statement.

It's just a slap in the face, a reminder that Chris and I can never be. Regardless of whatever type of relation, it just can't happen. I'll never see them as family, but my mother clearly does. Maybe it's best not to tempt anything.

"I call the right side." Chris smiles at me, our parents now long gone.

"Nice try. You're getting the floor or the couch." I roll my eyes.

He laughs, "Good one, sweetheart. Admit it, you can't wait to share a bed with me."

I only glare at him, a slight pout on my face.

"Cheer up, baby. Just wait until you see I sleep naked." He mutters in my ear, before leaving.

"Fuck me." I whisper to myself, already knowing I'm in for it tonight.

--

After unpacking my things, I head out into the living room. My mother and Jerry are sitting on the sofa, so I take the loveseat. I sit sideways, kicking my legs up across the rest of it. I cross my arms, relaxing, sinking into the plush cushions. Looking around, I notice the both of them are dressed up. Did we have plans that I'm not aware of?

"Are we going somewhere?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Oh, no." Jerry shakes his head, "I'm taking your mom out tonight. You and Chris will have the place to yourselves."

Just as he says that Chris strolls around the loveseat. He lifts my feet and sits down, placing them on his lap. I go to pull back, but his grip on me is firm. Without a word, his hands are kneading the soft tissue of my feet. I look up at him, my eyes almost submissive, cause why is he being like this?

"When are you guys leaving?" Chris asks them. 

"Our reservation is at 8."

I glance at the time on my phone, "It's 7:15 now."

They both gasp in unison, instantly getting up to rush out the door.

"You're leaving?!" I shriek, now realizing I'll be left alone with the devil himself.

"Yes, honey. You'll be fine." My mom pats my arm. "You'll have Chris to keep you company. Help yourselves to whatever."

"Make sure you take care of her." Jerry points a finger at his son.

Chris smirks, eyes locking with mine. "You know I will."

I gulp, my eyes watching them leave as they call out quick 'I love you's'. The sound of the door clicking shut practically rattles my brain, my breathing slightly labored. I feel so nervous, already knowing it's going to be a long night.

"Want to watch a movie?" Chris asks me.

My eyes widen in surprise, that's probably the most normal thing he's said to me all day. He's been super flirty and seductive, and it's working so bad. I've never been so conflicted in my life. I know it's not right, and if anyone were to see what's happening, we'd certainly be locked away, but I can't help it. I'm yearning for him. His sultry words and lustful touches leave me throbbing every single time. I feel like I'm going to explode in his presence.

"I'll take that as a yes." He says, before teasing, "Unless you had something else in mind."

I groan, "Just put something on. I need a water."

I get up and saunter to the kitchen, my insides burning at the thought of what can occur tonight. I feel like it's inevitable. At this rate, if he keeps going, I'm folding like origami. I open the fridge and grab two waters out, immediately opening one and downing half of it. I have to practically mentally prepare myself just to go back in there. Once I do, I notice Chris now sitting in the middle of the loveseat. I choose not to say anything this time and simply sit beside him.

He already has a movie started, so we sit in silence as it plays out in front of us. The entire time, my mind is elsewhere. I can't focus on the movie at all. I keep crossing and uncrossing my legs, feeling uncomfortable. I can't get Chris' words out of my head.

I'm going to destroy you.

Oh, how badly I wish for that right now. His hands caressing every inch of my body. His mouth tasting every bit of skin. His body flush against mine. His dick stretching me in all the right ways, drilling into my sweet spot over and over and over. I have to clench my thighs, the inner turmoil growing. I feel like the air around us is thick, making it almost impossible to breathe. Tension running high between us. Surprisingly, we make it through the movie without any slick remarks or unwarranted touches. Part of me is bummed, yet I force the disappointment down, knowing it's for the best.

"Are you hungry?" Chris asks as we both get up from the sofa.

I shake my head, knowing I won't be able to eat with my current state. "No. I think I'm just gonna shower and hit the sheets."

He nods, "Okay."

I walk into our room, grabbing a towel and heading to the conjoined bathroom. I just need a quick shower to soothe me. The sexual frustration built up in me is almost unbearable, I feel feral. After turning the water on and letting it heat up, I strip from my clothes and get in. I stand underneath the showerhead, the hot water trickling down my skin. I stay there, eyes closed, trying to force the craving for Chris away. After a moment, I quickly wash up, then get out.

The bathroom is foggy, steam wafting through the air. The mirror is covered in condensation, I'm unable to see myself. I dry off, wrapping the towel around my body and heading out into the room. I pause in my steps, seeing Chris sprawled out on the bed.

"Sorry. Didn't think you'd be in here." I mutter, suddenly self-conscious being in just a towel.

"All good, sweetheart." He replies, his eyes scanning over me. "Come join me."

I swallow, "I have to get dressed."

"Come here." He repeats, his eyes dark with what I can only assume is lust. 

I stand still, staring at him. I'm actually contemplating crawling into bed with my stepbrother, naked. There's no way I'm doing this. I keep cursing myself in my head as my feet bring me to the side of the bed that he's lying on. I stand there, looking down at him while he stares up at me. His hand comes out, his fingertips brushing against the hem of the towel, just like before. My heart is beating out of my chest right now, I wouldn't be surprised if it just exploded.

I'm taken by surprise when he swiftly grabs ahold of my wait, pulling me onto his lap. My thighs straddle his, my hands nervously keeping hold of my towel in attempt to keep it secure. However, my efforts prove futile when his hands grab the top of it, slowly unraveling it and letting it fall from my torso. I feel dizzy, my entire chest exposed to him. My stomach tightens, my veins flooded with anticipation.

"You're so pretty." He whispers, his fingers running over my abdomen.

"Thank you." I whisper back, my desire for him taking over me completely.

I can't think of anything else except for this moment right now, and what's bound to take place. His hands run up my arms and I can feel the goosebumps littering my skin. My breathing is erratic, I can't focus.

"Do I make you nervous?" He asks, his head tilted slightly.

I shake my head, unable to form words.

"Are you lying to me?"

My mouth has run dry. I can't even speak. My mind is hazy with lust. I want him so bad. I can feel the wetness pooling in between my legs, my core aching for his touch. He licks his lips as his eyes rake over my body. His hands run over my shoulders and down my chest, inevitably taking hold of my breasts. I can't help the whimper that falls from my lips. Finally. He grips the plush skin, squeezing gently yet firm. He moves them in circular motions, his palms applying just the right pressure to my sensitive buds.

"So perfect." He mumbles, his voice raspy.

My head lolls to the side, indulging in the feeling of his hands on me. My eyes flutter closed as he continues to knead them. A gasp slips from me when I feel his warm, wet mouth wrap around one of my nipples. My back involuntarily arches into him, his face full of chest. His touch becomes hungrier, his mouth now harshly sucking while his fingers work the opposite tit. Soft moans escape my mouth, my pussy throbbing for him.

He pulls away from my chest, his hands gliding up my back. I can feel his bulge beneath me, and I have to fight the urge to grind against it. He suddenly pulls me down, an abrupt moan emitting from my throat as the quick movement causes his dick to rub against my clit. His hand grabs ahold of my jaw, pulling my face into his.

He stares at my face, his eyes trying to read my emotions. "Say you want this."

I nod.

"Say it."

"I want this." I reply, my voice quiet yet sure.

With that, his lips smash into mine. Our mouths move together, hungry and feverish. Our tongues fighting for dominance, taking turns exploring one another's mouths. Our heads turn every which way, allowing more access. Our teeth clash together, saliva practically dripping out of our mouths. My hands run through his hair while his run along my body, pulling me impossibly closer.

Without one swift motion, I'm lying on my back with Chris towering over me. My towel is now completely removed, lying next to us on the bed. His hand turns my head to the side, his mouth now working on my neck. His tongue licking over the skin, teeth biting down, sucking every part. My breathing is quick, my body tingling with a burning sensation, desperate for more.

"Chris." I breathe out in a whine.

He hums, "Mm, I knew you couldn't resist me."

"Please." I whine again.

"Begging me like such a good girl, just like I said." He smirks against my skin, moving down my chest.

My hands grip at the back of his shirt, tugging at it, wanting to feel his skin on mine. He gets the hint and sits up, removing it with ease. His hands move down to his sweats, yanking the drawstring loose. In one quick movement, he's left in his boxers. I can see his dick fighting against his boxers, begging to be released. I can't help but reach out and palm him through the cloth.

He tosses his head back with a low moan, "Fuck."

His hand reaches forward, spreading my legs open for him. My pussy on show, leaking with arousal. He's practically drooling at the sight before him. His fingers trail up my thigh in an agonizingly slow pace, leaving my hips thrusting up for just the slightest touch.

"So needy." He smirks, "Such a naughty girl."

Finally, his fingers make contact with my aching clit, eliciting a long moan from me. He rubs it in slow circles, making my body tremble with every movement. He stops for a brief moment as he plunges a finger into my entrance, my body jolting from the sudden sensation.

"So, fucking wet." He groans in contentment.

His finger continues pumping in and out me with his thumb rubbing my clit, and I can't help but grind into his hand. It feels so good, but I want more. To my dissatisfaction, he pulls away, leaving me to cry out at the loss of pleasure. I watch as he pulls his boxers off, tossing them with his sweatpants. His fully erect dick flies up, slapping his stomach. His tip is an angry red, needy for stimulation. I saw it in the shower, but now, up close and personal, I am clenching, ready to wrap around him.

His hands grip my hips, flipping me onto my side. He takes ahold of my thigh, hiking it up for better access. His opposite hand grabs ahold of his cock, stroking it before rubbing the tip through my folds. I bite my lip, my stomach tightening, bracing for penetration, my pussy desperate for it. He slowly sinks into me, fully bottoming out. My jaw falls slack, my mouth vocalizing a drawled-out moan. He shudders inside of me, his eyes closing at the feeling of my pussy snugly swallowing him.

His thrusts are slow and hard, setting a rhythm. One of my hands clench the sheets, the other one rubbing his stomach. My eyes squeeze shut, the pressure instantly building in my stomach. I've been waiting for this all day. His free hand runs up my back and around my chest, harshly squeezing my tit. Lewd moans fill the room; him grunting with every deep thrust, constant whines falling from my lips.

"Taking me so well. Just like a good little slut." He says, his hand moving from my boob to my neck.

His strokes pick up in speed, the bed shaking with every thrust. The knot in my stomach continues to grow, my orgasm sneaking up on me faster than ever. He's fucking me so good. I can't hold back the noises he's pulling out of me. The tip of his dick jams into my sweet spot with just the right amount of force. I'm unraveling fairly quickly. It's so wrong but it feels so right.

"Yes, right there." I cry out, clenching around him. "F-fuck, fuck, fuck."

"You close, baby? Gonna cum all over my cock, hm?" He groans out, his body leaning over mine.

"Fuck y-yes. God, please don't stop." I moan, my loud voice bouncing off the walls.

He starts fucking into me even faster, the pleasure almost overwhelming. "I don't plan on it."

My legs shake below him, my knuckles gripping the sheets until they're white. His breath on the back of my neck, his moaning in my ear, both sending me over the edge. My body convulses as euphoria takes over. Pornographic moans leave my mouth as I clench around him, letting go. My juices flowing out, completely coating his dick and dripping down the both of us.

"You feel so good." He whines, "Made just for me."

The bliss is at an all-time high, my mind completely fogged with lust for him. I never want this night to end.

"Mm, want you to fill me up." I whine, pushing back onto him, meeting his thrusts.

His hips sputter as he moans, "Yeah? Filthy little slut wants her stepbrother's baby in her?"

I can't even respond, my mouth hung open as screams leave it. It happens so suddenly, another wave of pleasure washing over me at his words. My hand clings to him, wanting to feel all of him. I'm trembling underneath him as my second orgasm hits. His groans grow louder as his thrusts grow sloppy. With just a few more strokes, his body is heaving over mine as he empties himself inside of me. He pumps a few more times, before completely pulling out and sitting back. Both of us struggle to catch our breaths, exerted from that entire moment.

Suddenly, I'm crying out again as he shoves two fingers into me, pushing his cum back in. "Aht, aht! Can't have that."

I'm still shaking with aftershocks when he lies down beside me, his fingers making their way to my lips and into my mouth. My tongue glides over them, sucking off our mixture. He pulls them away with a groan and turns my head towards his. He places another kiss on my lips; hard and passionate.

"We should probably get dressed." I breathe out after a minute.

"No, just stay like this for a little bit longer. I'll make sure it's taken care of before they get back." He whispers, pulling me into him.

I want to protest, but I'm tired and the thought of sleeping in his arms makes my stomach flutter. So, that's what I do.

--

a/n : ah bye why do i need this so bad? hope you like it! if it's not for you, just shut up k thanks xx

[neuvistar]

I'm IN LOVE with your jingren x reader post like my toes be curling while my heart be fluttering GOSH.

Can I request blade doing the unspeakable with us then getting caught by Jing Yuan but Jing decided he just wanted to watch blade fucking our minds out 🤭🤭🤭

WITNESS IT ALL!

— featuring ┊blade x f!reader x jing yuan

— warnings / content warnings ┊not proofread, kinda sloppy n messy, male masturbation (jing yuan), dirty talk, slight degradation, blade jus being a lil jerk, uhmm. slight choking? blade referred to as “ren” here, use of nicknames, bladie being rough w u i think, overall suggestive content | 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

— a/n ┊MM IM SO SORRY 4 THE LATE UPLOAD ANON! 😭😭 but YES YES i can imagine jing yuan keepin it low at first as he watches blade fuck ur brains out, hand stroking his cock while he watches ! this has been decaying in my drafts 4 so long i’m so sorry sweetheart i got back from a mini break >:>

“r-ren! s’ messy.. you already came too much already..!” you whined, pouting as your fingers desperately tugged at his hair, a groan erupting from his throat as he bit down on your shoulder to suppress his grunts, breathing heavily against your skin as he bit you hard enough to make your body jump. two. that was two, two orgasms. he came inside you the second time, biting his bottom lip at how tight you squeezed around his twitching cock.

“i thought i heard you say that you wanted to make it a third time, precious.” was all he whispered against you before shoving himself up deeper and deeper with each thrust, trapping his cum inside your drenched cunt as his fingers tightened around on your throat, watching as your expression switched to one with need. saliva spilled from the side of your mouth, eyes widened with surprise and lust as you whimpered at how rough he was with you, legs spasming around his waist. your boyfriend lightly choked you out, not wanting to go too overboard as his hand clasped around your mouth, watching your lewd expressions with a smirk. he knew he was stretching you over your limits, stretching out your poor pussy as well in the process. blade was hungry for you, pinning your wrists down over your head as his fingers intertwined with yours, licking his lips at how full you must’ve been, stuffing you with his cum as his cock bullied itself inside your hole with your eyes rolling to the back of your head, arching your back at how good it felt.

“that’s it, princess. you like it when i hit that sweetspot of yours? you like it when i use your body in such lewd ways like this, hm? you’re such a fucking whore, aren’t you.. but I'm not complaining now am i, my pretty girl?” he muttered lowly in your ear, biting down on your earlobe gently as he grabbed a fistful of your hair, pouring his tongue inside your mouth.

blade’s eyes widened in pleasure, eyes nearly rolling into his head as he found a new angle, frustratingly thrusting faster into your stuffed cunny. “i’m gonna cum a third time if you keep tightening around me so fucking nicely, pretty. fuck.. you love getting used as nothing but a fucktoy, hm? poor girl you are..” he caressed your cheek, planting a small kiss on your nose as she chuckled at how exhausted you were, sweat dripping all over your body. “you can't do anything but sit here and get fucked absolutely fucking raw, but you like that do you? i bet you fucking do.”

“ren.. ren! p-please..” you wrapped your arms around his neck, breathing against his neck as he hooked his arm under your knee, pushing it against your chest as he grunted at how tightly you were pulsing around him now, you were close. “c-can’t..”

“you can take it, stop whining pretty. quit lying to yourself, you know how much you love this as much as i do. fuckin’ slut for my cock you are..” his hips rolled against yours, a more rougher and quickened pace as he brought his voice down to a whisper, mumbling a few things in your ear. “think about it like this, angel. how embarrassing would it be if we both got caught, hm? how embarrassing would it be to have someone see me fucking you like this. how fucking embarrassing it would be if it was none other than the general himself, hm?”

unknowing to both of you, it seems blade already predicted that exact scenario. jing yuan stood outside of the room you both were in, pants slightly tugged down as his cock was relying on his fingers.. jerking off at the sight of blade fucking you roughly. the general knew it was wrong to stay here and just get off to this, but he couldn’t stop himself no matter how hard he tried to. jing yuan bit his lip, hissing at the discomfort of his erected cock.. he threw his head back at the thought of him fucking you dumb, he could do so much better than that criminal, he thought. no! she shouldn’t be thinking of that.. he shouldn’t! but.. he couldn’t stop. the white haired male glanced over his shoulder, stroking his cock at the same rhythm blade thrusted into you. the general couldn’t help but smile at how fucked out you were, looking over the door frame seeing just how lewd you looked right now.. the sounds you made, the faces he tried to take in of you almost came straight from a pornagraphic video.

a low chuckle left blade’s lips as he watched you squirming in his touch with your mouth slightly hung open as you tightened your grip around his neck.. never putting a stop to his sharp thrusts. “cmon be shy, precious. let me hear you..." blade’s cock twitched again, breath hitching. “cum for me, cmon pretty girl.. don't be scared.” jing yuan stroke his cock faster, he was getting close as well, his breath grew heavier and heavier by the second.

the bed creaked underneath, orgasm building up quickly inside of both you and blade and before you know it.. you were already tearing up. “r-ren!” a choked whimper was forced out of you, calling out blade’s name as he spilled his load inside of you again, your stomach bloating at how full he filled you up, legs shaking from your climax as jing yuan eyed you down from the outside, biting his lip at the sight of your cunt completely filled with blade’s cum, watching at how smoothly cum dripped from your hole once blade finally pulled out. unlucky for the general, the white haired male reached his high as well, releasing on the floor as he cursed at himself for making such a huge mess on the ground. your face scrunched at how your folds were coated with stickiness and white from your boyfriend.. staining the sheets. you gasped as blade plunged his fingers in your hole, breath hitching as he swiftly inserted his dripping cum back inside your hole.

blade then paused for a moment, a smirk crept up his pretty face as he glanced over his shoulder, eyeing the door frame. jing yuan’s heart skipped a beat.. almost seen by the other male as he sighed in relief. suddenly blade opened his mouth to speak, his voice dark yet so calm.

“mm.. it seems someone was there to witness it all as well, princess. i think he seemed to have enjoyed the little show we put up.”

shit. maybe he was seen after all.

[weaselle]

you know what telomeres are? they're a protein cap that keeps your genome from unraveling the same way the hard plastic tip on your shoelaces keep them from fraying. When the telomere wears away, the genome comes untwisted a bit and the cell stops being able to replicate itself perfectly and thats what aging is. And why we die of old age.

They are working on this for humans by the way. They are experimenting with ways to repair the telomeres without dying of cancer (lobsters live forever by producing a substance called telomerase, but telomerase is basically gasoline for cancer, so. Lobsters are also just immune to cancer. psh. no biggie). Labs are making progress, too. People could achieve healthy mature adult lives of two hundred years or more sometime soon.

sidenote did you know they found a way to activate a gene that will cause an adult human to grow a new set of teeth? Because our bodies know how to do that, have already done it once, just like when you were a kid, new set comes in. That'll be handy, y'know, like for when you turn 150 years old and your teeth have all worn out for the 3rd time.

And i kinda hate how it's currently being handled, but as a species, our space exploration is pretty impressive for where we're at, a colony on mars or the moon is not outside the realm of possibility before too much longer.

btw the stupid elon musk brain chip was actually developed over the last, like, 15 years before he took an interest, and it was created so that paralyzed people could control a computer and therefor talk to people and do activities (the first ones just let them move a mouse cursor, so they could at least use letters to talk, now i think it will let them also click, which i'm sure you can imagine what even just being able to move and click a mouse cursor would do for your quality of life if you couldn't talk or move)

i'm just sayin' we are about to, istfg it almost makes me cry in simultaneous wonder and outrage, we are about to be in the midst of a golden age, if we can please oh please just somehow not completely shit the bed first.

if we could just find some way to have peace and not fuck the planet into extinction, we are about to witness miracles

if we can just, as a species, come together enough to be worthy of them

[bloggingboutburgers]

Am gonna miss the kinda content you had before. I know you’re v happy and good for you! But this blog used to be a rare piece of internet haven that wasn’t about relationships and dating and marriage. Now it is. That’s obviously my problem. I get it - your blog, your life. Am just sad is all.

Sorry if my recent life news made things scary – but I assure you, I don't plan to make my stuff about dating and marriage from now on! (Relationships in itself is a tricky one, since technically "relationships" is every single type of rapport a human being can have with another imo, but I don't plan to start talking about romantic relationships either, I have no idea how those work.)

Yeah, I'm planning to get married – but not with a romantic partner, with my queerplatonic partner. Considering the nature of our relationship I myself sometimes have trouble even saying we're "dating" because it's something different (though we do call our video call "dates", I'll give ya that). But even if they're not "my whole life" in a romantic sense, I really like spending time with them, we're oceans apart so we don't get to do so very often, and during and after the pandemic, the US placed a ban on my country that made it near-impossible for me to visit them for almost 2 years, and being scared of never being able to spend time with them again broke my brain really bad, so I vowed to take measures so this never happens again. So yeah, i'm planning to get married, but it's more out of necessity, as this is seemingly the only way we could stay in the same area permanently and the only way we could counter a travel ban like that if it happens again for any reason (as only spouses or direct relatives were allowed to visit each other back then). I hate that it means doing the thing© amatonormativity and archaic socail rules seem to push people to do all the time, but international rules are a bitch like that, so we don't have many more other options.

That said – my content already included stuff I do with my partner before, and our relationship isn't changing because we're engaged – we're still never gonna have sex, and I'm still not romantically attracted to them nor have I ever been. But I do like them a lot as a queerplatonic partner, and I wanna vibe the way I show us vibing and get to do so on a daily basis, not every 6 to 9 months and breaking bank every time I do.

So... Yeah, despite the surface value of the whole thing, I don't think being engaged makes me a counter-example. If anything I guess we'll be rep for a queerplatonic relationship that involves marriage, and we'll see how that works (if our respective governments even LET us get married at all). My views on my sexual and romantic orientations haven't changed and I don't intend to change my content any time soon. I'll keep being annoying to everyone about how the world doesn't need sex and romance for a long time if people will have me, cus I have way too much of a chip on my shoulder not to.

[meiieiri]

Something about JJK 236 is bothering me

That fight...was awesome, but it could have gone better.

Other than the fact that I'm currently in mourning over our king's garish demise (don't get me wrong, I do want him to be happy in the afterlife and I'm slowly coming to terms with his death, it's just I can't really process all this yet), I'm still a bit confused how we got here so quickly.

I have countless questions and I know Gege will probably brush this off in the coming chapters and pull yet another meeska-mooska-Mickey Mouse Clubhouse move.

But there is one that lingers in my mind up to this day:

Remember during the Fearsome Womb Arc when Yuji and Sukuna deliberated with each other on the possible resurrection or re-animation of Itadori's body via a deathmatch?

Yeah. We all know Sukuna, the king of all curses, is a master at one-shotting his opponent. Just take a look at what he did to our best rose-colored boy who went from this:

To this, in a split second (lmao):

Yeah, yeah, I've read all the “copium” theories from other Gojo fans such as myself who are kinda on the fence when it comes to accepting Gojo's death as being final or not, but, let me bring this back real quick to the matter at hand.

Sukuna went for the head with Itadori. Of course, maybe he did that to shut him up sure, but what I'm getting at is, the head is the singlemost critical point to hit when it comes to sorcery dogfights.

He knows this.

And he probably knows that Gojo Satoru, the darling of the heavens, the uncontested gem of Jujutsu Society, is a reverse cursed technique user. Pretty obvious thing to catch since Satoru had been using RCT the entire showdown to heal his countless critical wounds.

So, Sukuna, in all his centuries of wreaking havoc on the world, should know that the only way to permanently kill a sorcerer who uses RCT is by targeting the head. There were so many instances in this entire deathmatch that we are completely blown away by Sukuna's prowess and overall mastery of Jujutsu.

Can you imagine the amount of practice he's had over the years with other "greatest sorcerer of their generation"s? He knows the ins and outs of Jujutsu like scripture, which is exactly what kept Gojo Satoru on his backfoot for some parts of their skirmish.

Now, here's the thing that's bothering me:

I liken Sukuna as something like a super computer. All that battle experience is readily available to him like some Jujutsu techniques data bank, not to mention, Mahoraga's adaptation clearly gave him yet another advantage in this fight for the title of the strongest.

He knows Satoru Gojo has been frying his brain using Reverse Cursed Technique this entire time, and he's probably seen his former opponents do the same as well. He knows that the only way to kill them is by dealing a devastating blow to the head via decapitation or complete obliteration of the body.

So, my question now is:

Why did he bother cutting Gojo in this particular manner? Why didn't he go straight for the head, since Mahoraga's adaptation blueprint can now allow Sukuna to cut through reality/space itself and therefore bypass Gojo’s infinity non-selectively?

Arrogance now that he's secured his definitive victory? Or the so-called warrior's high? Why leave room for obvious speculation when it could so easily be crushed into smithereens if he just went for the kill?

It's all very confusing. I'll point back to the time when Sukuna swiftly decapitated Itadori.

And I'm willing to bet that that move was deliberate since at the time, Itadori had already been in Jujutsu High for quite some time and Sukuna must have realized that under the tutelage of Gojo and other sorcerers, he must be learning a thing or two about RCT here and there which may have led him to end the fight quickly hence, the resurrection of Yuji Itadori.

Now before, ya'll attack me, I know what manga panel you're gonna throw at me to deconstruct this entire analysis and dismiss it as "copium". So, I'll put this here:

I know it may look like Gojo's entire head has been blown off at this point seeing the pool of blood he's currently lying on. But why is Gege or the editor making the effort to cover Gojo’s head with the text bubble when, logically speaking (and coldly at that), Gojo should be deader than dead? Which he…in theory based on the afterlife sequence, SHOULD be.

And with that whole North/South thing to cap it all off? Though, I wouldn't dwell on that. The wording in that bit was very vague and I’m not really into the habit of over-reading so hehe~

Anyway.

Could it be there's something else in store for Gojo Satoru? Is something else at play here?

Or is this simply a writer's failsafe, just in case Gege wishes to bring back Gojo Satoru so that he'll have a rational explanation as to how that came to be? No one knows. But I think this wasn't some on-the-fly decision by Gege or the editors.

Gege Akutami - though as a writer myself, I find his current choices for the story to be a little questionable with the many gray areas where plotholes could eventually arise - has been deliberate about this story since the beginning, having already mapped out the fate of Fushiguro Megumi.

This panel, the entire chapter, the circumstances we're now currently witnessing is deliberate. And maybe...we haven't seen the last of Satoru yet.

I'll leave this here for everyone to think about. This is all speculation, after all, so don't be mean about it, Jesus. In the meantime, I'll just admire my husband, Suguru, for now and will probably go back to writing my fics~ 💕

[acorpsecalledcorva]

I've tried to write about this a couple times now academically, then in a funny jokey way, but the problem is I'm trying to rationalise a personal topic to justify it and make it more general but honestly it keeps ending up being fakeclaimy, perhaps in a way that deflects from me so fuck it, here goes.

My trauma memories are wrong. And that's okay.

With all the talk about the false memory syndrome and the sociocognitive model I find myself in an interesting position where I wholeheartedly disagree with the False Memory Syndrome proponents attempts to discredit DID as a diagnosis whilst having false memories very much be a part of my diagnosis, with sociocognitive elements influencing both my false trauma memories and my presentation of DID (not it's cause, just how it manifested at times).

And the key issue is metacognition and world beliefs, a growing area of research in the trauma and dissociation field. It basically goes that humans are incredibly narrative in nature. Our memories aren't factual, they're stories we tell ourselves filled with meaning and metaphor and allegory. It's why we love stories so much, whether it's fiction or juicy gossip, interacting with others interpretation of events and finding meaning in them helps us to interpret and assign meaning to our own lives and create rich, nuanced world beliefs. When something happens that is incompatible with our world beliefs and we are unable to assign meaning to to integrate it onto our subjective narrative, that's trauma.

Emotional support can help us to develop our metacognitive abilities and integrate traumatic events but things like disorganised attachment environments really fuck up this ability from a very young age and the creation of alters in CDDs can be viewed as attempts by the brain to protect those very early world beliefs (I rely on my caregivers for survival), by creating new characters in the story who can hold simultaneous contradictory world beliefs.

The problem is when traumatic shit happens young enough, memory just doesn't record properly. The emotional feelings of helplessness and threat to life or exposure and violation might be preserved, but the "factual" record can be lost forever. And once you start chronically dissociating it fucks with your regular every day ability to record and store non traumatic memories, even if by this point a traumatic memory can be "factually" and emotionally preserved whilst also being buried.

So when I look back on my childhood, and I have all these emotional flashbacks from very early childhood and these core beliefs that point to a really shitty life as a baby that I don't have actually memory of, and entire oceans of no memory, and also traumas that happened to me later in life that I do remember even if I've only recently admitted to myself are traumatic, AND a brain that likes to make up alternative subjective narratives through alter formation, AND a desperation to make sense of my life during a very confusing period (system discovery), yeah...my brain made up traumas that didn't happen to me.

When I was reading The Body Keeps the Score because I was dealing with a bunch of somatoform symptoms the early chapters talk a LOT about the prevalence of CSA by family members, and it was honestly kinda invalidating, because as far as I was aware that didn't happen to me so why was I so fucked up? It led to me imagining scenarios of trauma that might have happened to me until something latched on to an unprocessed emotional flashback. It became entangled with that flashback and, in a way, integrated itself into my subjective narrative. It gave meaning to my story, a distressing story, but a story that made sense. The only problem with that is, it doesn't actually make sense. It just isn't compatible with the other versions of my narrative that are contained throughout the rest of the system. I haven't processed and integrated the real trauma, I've just attempted to create a narrative that could serve me in that moment, it was reassuring, it provided a security in the meaning it gave me, but it's only a temporary substitute for real integration of the stuff that's still buried or inaccessible to me.

Maybe I was a victim of CSA, it's definitely possible, but that memory I've "had" just.. Isn't it. And despite community sentiments to believe trauma I would be harming myself to cling onto those memories instead of confronting the true traumatic events through therapy when I'm actually ready to face them. I would be deflecting because believing something I know deep down isn't true is safer than acknowledging what really happened, even if the fake memory is worse than what really happened.

I understand why papers on fictitious DID are concerned with patients freely offering up their trauma when previously DID patients would take years to open up enough to share it. When you get those confession stories of people faking DID there are these repeated elements that come up time and time again. They made up trauma that they freely shared to appear more valid, and despite no longer faking they still sometimes hear their alters. And I think what's happening in these cases isn't actually necessarily that they're faking DID, although obviously you can misdiagnose yourself, but quite possibly community exposure is reinforcing a sociocognitive presentation of DID. One where trauma is this thing that you MUST know about, where alters have deep backstories and a rich biography. This outward protection may very well be a reflection of a deeper but hidden inner experience that seeks to deflect the outside world with a decoy narrative.

This sucks, because from a clinician's perspective whether they affirm it or scrutinise it, if the patient refuses to let go of the decoy to reveal what's underneath therapy work is largely fruitless. Sar and Ozturk seem to be the only practitioner's to have correctly highlighted this in Functional Dissociation of the Self. They recognise the uncanny ability of the Dissociative system to deflect and divert therapy work through substitute beliefs and multiple realities and highlight the value of cutting through all that to get to the hidden psychological self that's able to create the cohesive integrated narrative that allows the system to truly recover.

So I have to ask myself, is the "version" of DID I believe I have and present to others an accurate depiction of what's going on? Or is it a convenient substitution of self that I use to deflect from what's really going on? How is the community influencing this presentation and my need to cling onto it to fit in? And is my participation in the online system community harming me in the long run because it helps reinforce my substitute beliefs about myself to fit in with them without putting in the real work to really understand myself?

I'm mostly making this as a self call out post for accountability, because I think I need to step away. If I keep posting them I've failed because honestly I feel kinda lost without it and that's scary. Hopefully, this will be the last y'all hear from me in a while so I wish y'all well. Or I'll see you tomorrow

[ben-talks-art]

Trapped and Dreaming Freedom

So I've been reading these two webtoons lately about female leads stuck in very toxic and unhealthy relationships (while being aware of it), and I'm loving every second of it!

If you know me, you know I just love a badass cool female lead and I also love seeing characters stuck in very difficult situations and watching how they use their brains and/or skills to get out of it, and both comics excel at these aspects!

First series is "Trapped", a comic about this taxi driver who got tangled by accident with a vampire who develops an obsession with both her and her blood after she manages to outsmart him a couple of times, something that hasn't happened to him in years.

It feels very "Tom and Jerry" with both characters trying to get the upper hand on their relationship, and you would think it would be super one-sided but vampires actually have quite a bit of annoying rules on how they work that severely limit their freedom and our female lead exploits as many of them as she can to make him eat sh*t! It's just glorious!

"Dreaming Freedom" is... somehow less dark, and at the same time way darker of a series.

It's not as violent or gory but it deals with more realistic problems that hit closer to home for some like school bullying, abandonment, harassment, family abuse, and so on.

The premise is that our female lead teams up with a guy that has the power to use dreams to affect people in the real world, and they use this ability to get revenge on all the girl's classmates that harassed her, but the more our female lead does that, more the male lead gets obsessed with her and we later find out that he has some serious anger issues making him extremely dangerous.

Our lead basically goes from "I can use him to get payback!" to "Oh my God, I'm the only thing that's keeping this dude under control and away from people!"

It feels like you're being handed a living knife that you just pray won't run out of control or turn itself against you. It's so uncomfortable but at the same time so thrilling!

While I really don't like when unhealthy relationships are glamorized and used to send some kind of "Oh, he's kinda dangerous... But at least he loves you, so it's okay, right?" message, I do like it when the unhealthiness of the relationship is the focus AND is painted as a problem that needs to be fixed.

I like how both female leads always call the male leads on their bs and keep them in check whenever they start going too far, and it's fun to see how they use them whenever they're backed into a corner by the antagonists of the stories.

Also like the themes these series explore, about how when you keep dealing with people that act like monsters you see yourself slowly turning into a monster yourself and start to attract other monsters as well, eventually making you question how far can you go? How far should you go? Can you get back from it? And so on.

But most of all, I like that both series make sure to show that these "bad boys" were their last freaking options. Not the first, not the second, but the very bottom of the barrel. They went to them only after they felt they had no other choices and were sure that nobody else would take their side.

This isn't just "Oh, I went to him because he's a hot bad boy", this is "The world turned its back on me so I'm gonna use the only cards that I have left."

They basically made a deal with their devils and now the fun is watching to see how/if they're gonna get out of it.

This is how I like to see problematic relationships. You don't paint them as something normal or something good, you paint them as a hardship that needs to be dealt with and use it to do clever commentary on the worst aspects of humanity so we can learn how to be better and as a source for good and intense drama to make us worried for the main characters and invested in seeing them get out okay.

[yorshie]

YOU! *waddles into your inbox and t posts threateningly* I've got a bone to pick with you.

*starts pacing as I proceed to rant* There's a small theme that y'all keep low-key mentioning that I wanted to pick your brain (affectionately) about if that's alright with you.

And that theme is the importance of being soft in special regards to the turtle boys.

I wanted to ask why you think that's important to them? Why is being “soft” considered important? What does it even mean to be soft?

As a lady myself, I've personally always struggled with appreciating and accepting the so called soft parts of myself because I live in a very…intense family where I feel like I have to fight for my voice to be heard. And softness while it isn't necessarily considered a weakness in my home, it isn't exactly a celebrated strength either.

I personally struggle with that because I feel like we need more tenderness in this world. In fact, I will fight hand tooth and nail to defend and encourage the right of others to be soft (especially men) but I feel like that's privilege I can't indulge in because then I would not be taken seriously as an individual and therefore make my argument or statements noid.

So when I read your works about “soft and sweetness being desired” it literally had me stop and think because it was just so surprising me. Like “People want this? People appreciate this?” I was just so intrigued about this line of thought, that I'd very much like to hear your insights in this regard if your up for a physcological anon conversation.

If not, no worries, just know that your work makes me stop and reconsider and I'm very grateful for that! 🧡🙏🏼

Ok. Ok. I'm gonna preemptively tag @desceros and @luckycharms1701 cuz I feel like this ask is aimed at more than just me, but if you guys wanna add your two cents feel free please. Also, I'm gonna stick this underneath a read more tag just cuz it's gonna get long, I can already tell.

first off, I want to say I'm sorry you feel like you wouldn't be taken seriously as a person or judged for being soft. I hope that you can reach a point (if you wish) where you are more comfortable expressing yourself. I agree that we need more tenderness in the world, regardless of the gender of the person expressing it.

Ok, now to delve into "softness" and the turtles especially. I guess I'll start this off by saying a lot of the times when I go on about "soft turtles" or "being soft for them" I don't mean literally. But I do think as humans we are in general soft compared to them. Our skin is softer, we have no shell, no scales, we're a lot more breakable compared to them. We probably feel like little hairy marshmallows to the turtles.

Metaphorically however, is a lot of what I play with when mentioning softness. (Desceros said it perfectly as a metaphor for comfort). But these turtles have had to shun a lot of social interaction. They don't have anyone to really open up to, be that in a platonic fashion or a romantic fashion, and so I personally project a lot of what i desire for them onto them. I want them to have that tenderness, I want them to be able to have someone they can let their guard down around, and so that's why I fixate so much on using my writing to give them that opportunity. They don't get a lot of someone just being nice to them to be nice to them.

It's probably my own love language of being tender to show affection bleeding through as well, but whenever you see my flailing about soft turtles, this is what I mean. I'm just talking about them finally getting to express affection and have it returned, not actually craving something literally "soft". And... well... softness itself is a nice feeling. If you have a really soft blanket, do you like it cuz it's soft? or cuz its comfortable and warm? Kinda just tangles back on itself over and over.

So if I wrote the line about “Raph pressed his beak against your temple, and with a soft sigh you tilted your head upwards to chase the sensation” that’s. So soft. But beyond just being physically soft and tender, there’s the emotional release of leaning against someone (metaphorically or physically) and having them lean back. Having them turn into the comfort. Accepting it.

Yea. That’s what goes through my head. That’s why I’m so obsessed with writing the turtles giving affection and having it received full heartedly. They lead ugly, silent lives. They need a little bit of affection.

[sadly-soup]

I think Ink5oul and the other influencer (sorry) could be atleast partly to do with the eye, hear me out.

Near the end of MAGP 16, we get this

Which I know reminded most of us of our good friend Sergey Ushanka

(I'm aware it's spelt wrong but that's irrelevant)

But it's too different to be that, I think the key part here is "I just wanted to be noticed" or in others words to be seen. Now I'm fully aware this is very thumbtacks and red strings right now but if we look at MAGP 20 we get these

Ink5oul repeatedly says the actual tattoos don't matter, but the reaction of their audience. It was too much to put here but near the beginning of their monologue they talk to Gwen about the way our brain reacts to going viral and says having too much of that can turn you into an addict. Which ink5oul has clearly become at this point. My point is that throughout this episode, ink5oul seems to be actively trying to take our focus from the actual tattoo itself, ijstead focusing solely on the reaction and one other thing.

Now, the problems. I will be the first to admit there are a few holes with this theory first being with the other thing ink5oul focuses on that I just mentioned, it's a thing they call "the look" which just by the name sounds like more evidence of the eye but really isn't. Ink5oul talks about how now they crave this look of fear, apprehension, and dread more than anything, so it kinda throws a wrench in my gears, but it can be overlooked.

Secondly this does nothing to explain why and how ink5ouls tattoos do what they do (cause fires, deaths,ect) my thoughts atm are that it could be to do with a combination of another fear but I'm not sure which and honesty that line of thought is a bit flimsy.

My final thoughts are this, I think the fear, if that's even what's at play in this universe, that ink5oul harbours, represents, whatever is the eye. But a different version of it, in MAG the eye drew its power from seeing and it's victims suffered from being seen, what if it has reversed in a way? Now "avatars" take their power from being seen, beholded I'm honestly not certain what this version of the eye does to its victims that's another wee problem with this theory but I do think this theory has atleast a bit of creadance.

[redactedgender]

songs i associate with redacted audio characters - speaker edition

!! CW FOR MENTIONS OF ADDICTION, UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, AND AARON & ELLIOTT'S BACKSTORY !!

this is gonna be exactly what it says on the tin. there'll be some explanations under the cut for what im doing w this!

to keep it brief, im giving each of the characters under the cut three songs from my playlists of them, and go into a little detail on why i chose them/have them in their playlists. sounds simple, right? i'll also be including links to the songs if you want to add them to your own playlists!

with that, let me explain what the fuck is up shjdkfdsh

so a bit of context: i grew up writing karaoke fanfics on wattpad, which if you don't know, were reader-submitted requests for specific characters to sing songs within a short story, mainly in a group setting at karaoke. this has made me extremely specific with music and assigning them to characters, along with finding "singing voice-claims" for characters. so, i have some credentials when it comes to this stuff fjdhsgshjgd

with that explanation out of the way, onto the fun! one of the songs listed for each of them will be their svc (singing voice-claim), except for gavin, because i'm still working on finding his svc (i am leaning towards dpr ian for him though because... don't go insane. yeah)

if that all makes sense...

let's go!

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gavin

horns - bryce fox

; so this is the song i used as the title for my big ol' gaviant smut i wrote (shameless plug shhhhh). this song is just so gavin, especially season one gavin. the sex appeal that oozes from it, the way the singer wants the subject so badly even if he knows she's bad for him. like, s1!gavin wasn't a bad guy, but he was kind of morally ambiguous in a way that could be read as toxic. however, as freelancer's relationship with him deepened, we learn that he values consent and being authentic, something other concubi don't. what can i say, i like good character growth.

human - dodie

; this was one of the first songs i put on his playlist, and for good reason. this song, to me, is freelancer singing this about and to gavin. it's about connection, it's about wanting to see what the other person is like under the persona they've created. this song is what happened when freelancer began learning about gavin past the "sex daemon" persona, but its also what happened when gavin learned about freelancer and how they were more than a "jack-of-a-trades mess of a human". listen i love the two of them so much.

sweet tooth - scott helman

; a more recent addition to my playlist, this one also makes a lot of sense to me. this song is about addiction, and while gavin like, literally needs feelings of desire to live, it also can be said that he probably has had an unhealthy relationship with sex in the past. i also just really like this song. but i think gavin has healed a lot of his attitudes towards his fellow concubi, with freelancer's help and of his own personal efforts.

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elliott

dream boy - waterparks

; we have reached our first official svc! awsten knight of waterparks is my elliott svc. does this is really match my face claim for him? kinda? i had this svc waaay before i had josh hutcherson as elliott actually. but, to talk abt the song itself, i mean. c'mon now. it's literally elliott to sunshine. the vision in my brain is that elliott sings this at karaoke before he and sunshine get together, but are definitely both pining hardcore for each other. there's something about the playful flirty energy of this song that reminds me of elliott in the best way imaginable. he's just a little dorky, what can i say!

wasted summers - juju

; i like some angst! im not all fluff and humor and smut. i appreciate a good angst now and then. my brand of angst is just kind of specific. you'll see that in a sec. but this song just reminds me of elliott and aaron for obvious reasons. how aaron grew up too fast cuz of their parents, how aaron felt jealous and angry over elliott telling him and their mom about magic, how elliott told sunshine he's the protective type because of how he grew up (side note i have many thoughts abt elliott & blake and protection vs possession if anyone would be interested lmao). their relationship just makes me go a bit insane /pos.

still got it - troye sivan

; ALRIGHT THIS REQUIRES A BIT OF AN EXPLANATION. so i basically have a whole mv planned in my big ol' brain around this song, and around the concept of: what if scorpius' memory erasing worked for longer? what if elliott genuinely thought, for a bit, that he and sunshine had a bad breakup, but that he still loved them? and still "wanted them back"? only to then have the memories, the real ones, come back in a flood of sensory overload and horrible realizations? see? i like angst. :]

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porter

brutus - the buttress

; first things first, i dont support this band due to their transphobic comments. that being said, this song is incredibly porter-coded. "my whole life you were a teacher and friend to me / please know my actions are not motivated only by envy" - like this is just about will and vincent. i don't have to explain further.

we don’t have to dance - andy black

; porter's svc! i liked this song for him cuz i imagine treasure is the first person in a loooong time that porter has actually wanted to stay around, even though he's so used to these one night stands and passionate scenes. and even though he really likes treasure, he still goes back to the old him: offering just to dance, just to fuck, just for this to be casual.

car lights - james marriott

; so i have a little headcanon that porter's maker was someone that porter was dating in secret because he (maker) was the kind of guy who would say homophobic things in front of others, but would end the night with his tongue down porter's throat (or something like that). this song is about that kind of experience: worried you're about to be caught despite it feeling so fucking good. also, this song just kinda slaps.

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lasko

stutter - marianas trench

; this song just makes sense, not just in the fact that lasko stammers and stutters a lot when talking (especially when he's excited, god hes adorable) but also in that lasko is basically a hyperverbal autistic/auDHD person who constantly talks even when they don't have the energy to do so (totally not projecting what) and i think that's representation we don't always see. also, imagine him finding this song and dancing to it? yeah.

eraser - ricky montgomery

; lasko's svc! does this surprise anyone? actually it might. i love ricky montgomery so much, his debut album is one of my favorite pieces of music out there and i think he's such a talented artist. his range and subject matter in his songs always screamed lasko to me, and ricky's vocals just match lasko so much. this song is about being socially awkward, which like. yeah. i have like four or five ricky songs on my lasko playlist which is really funny actually hgjkfdhsdh!

my mother wants me dead - carolesdaughter

; lasko "mommy issues" moore anyone? yeah this song is that. i know i could have gone for the mitski mommy issues, but something about lasko tells me his mommy issues are like rage. like, as much rage as lasko can have towards a person. the damn fam and their mommy issues. this song also plays into my hc that lasko used to smoke before starting at D.A.M.N., picking it up after the inversion, and then quitting again once he started healing and met coworker.

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guy

fallin’ for you - r5

; as you all know by now, ross lynch is my guy faceclaim. and while i love the driver era (a kiss is also on my guy playlist, it is in fact the best tde song), ross' voice during the r5 era actually suits guy a little more to me if im being honest. also, its a hc of mine that guy's family did music, but guy had a really bad falling out with his parents and it kinds ruined things for a while. r5!ross's vocals are higher than now, since this was during the disney era, but this song is just too perfect to me not to use for guy.

30/90 from tick…tick…BOOM!

; i mentioned this in my face claim post, but i had andrew garfield as my guy face claim because of this song from the movie. it's just like literally guy tho. we know guy's a writer, we know how writers are. as a writer myself (not professionally), "30/90" is more than just representation of someone wanting to peak before their past "the right age"; this is about creatives wanting to make something that will last longer than their life, and that just screams guy to me. i don't think he wants to be famous, but i think he wants to have a legacy of media he creates last longer than himself.

honey - troye sivan

; listen. "something to give each other" is my favorite album from 2023, and most of those songs remind me of one redacted character or another, so if there's a lot of songs in my playlists from this album, shush. anyways, this song is an obvious choice for guy since it's titled "honey", but if you listen to it, it actually is a pretty sweet (eh? eh??) song. it's about falling for someone and wanting to be with them, and since its a fandom wide hc that guy probably fell in love with honey upon first meeting them, this plays into that idea. look i just love how much of a simp guy is for honey, what can i say?

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if i have any more energy to do more of these i will, but my spring break ends soon so we'll see. also, i managed to make height charts for redacted audio characters & listeners if anyone would wanna see those (they would include my listener oc's). also, if you have any songs you think fit the bois, i may open my asks again if you want to send those to me :0

[booksandmate]

The 1941 minisode and the use of “friend”

There are two scenes in the 1941 minisode in which Aziraphale hesitases to call Crowley friend.

First it’s this one, when Aziraphale offers to do the magician’s act to save the night.

“Erm I wonder if I might be able to help you out in behalf of my… erm good friend here.”

This was right after the church scene where Crowley saved his books from the explosion. You can choose to believe that was the moment Aziraphale fell in love, realised he was in love, or even realised that Crowley loved him back. Whatever the case may be, it is clear that something changed there, something clicked in their -but specially Aziraphale’s- brains.

And so now he hesitates what to call him because he knows something has changed between them. He knows the term is somehow wrong to describe what they feel.

And if this was the only scene in which this happens it could still be kinda ambiguous. You could even say that it’s just him coming back to the whole “supposed hereditary enemies thing”. After all, they are still in public.

But then it happens again when they are alone in the bookshop, and here it all becomes very clear:

“Cheers for getting me off the hook.”

“Oh there’s no need to thank me, that’s what… friends are for.”

The words linger there, there is a pause, his earlier excitement replaced by an expression that seems to say "I'm sorry". He looks at Crowley, who looks away. He looks down and puts on his glasses. Crowley say something and they both go on as if nothing happened.

But something did happen. He just called him friend again. Which is not a bad thing in itself. There is love in friendship, there is trust. But deep down he knows he's not being honest with himself.

By calling them friends he is him denying them, denying who they are and what they feel. He is choosing a more comfortable title for what they have, that allows everything to stay the same, that avoids the big conversations they really should be having.

That night he knew that something had changed, that what they have deserves a term other than friend. But what he feels deep inside him is not yet ready to see the light, it can't come out, it can't be known by anyone but himself.

It’s tragic, and they both know it. They decide to ignore everything and pretend that everything can stay the same for fear of losing everything in an instant.

“And we’ve spent our existence pretending that we aren’t”

[sucantslay]

Meiyuu Deshi Kairou analysis. I'm losing my sanity...

Hello @hypn0sssss, just wanna let you know, I've been working off my ass to research this song like...more than 30 minutes but then in turn into a whole week long.

It was fun though ( I really need a rest but my brain said just do it! )

BUT, ANYWAY, here are some important information you should know before getting into this song analysis.

If you don't know, this is an event song, it connects with an event story about a VR game, yes, a VR game. It was introduced to Mika by Makoto and Sora. And later on, became the inspiration for Mika's song.

This is related to Mika's character, so if you know nothing about him, you can learn more from some sources out there or have a quick check at my post

3 . I'll mostly put the lyrics in word form. I really want to put all the translation pictures here but since Tumblr stop me from having more than 10 pics in a post...I can only put some.

4 . Most of this is my personal analysis. Pls tell me or put on the sources if you want to put it somewhere. Also, since it is a PERSONAL thing, the lyrics might not mean like that to you, but it is to me. You are free to have your own idea of this song however you like.

Alright! Let's get started!!!

For the theme of the song, Mika is using the VR game as his base, so it understandable that some words might be a little lead into the mechanical aspect.

The story for this song is about a mechanical god who ends the story/ the world abruptly. It very interesting when the song did not only successfully portray the theme of mechanical but also the theme and story of Valkyrie itself.

Oh my dear Mika, you are really something of an artist, aren't ya?! It the time when Mika finally step up and going his own art more then waiting for Shu order!

The name of the song "Meikyuu Deshi Kairou" which means "Labyrinth Electronic Corridor"

With some lines mention classic songs

(this line got repeated 2 times)

"Ode to Joy" or in other words "An die Freude"

You must have known it as Beethoven's most significant work, Symphony No.9, a choral symphony.

Since the name isn't being written in another name until you start digging deeper, you'll find something eles, lies in these words they had chosen.

It was origin from a poem written by a German named Friedrich Schiller and was used by Beethoven in his Ninth Symphony.

But the version that Beethoven used is the revision of the poem. Yet Friedrich himself didn't like that version at all, he viewed it as a failure.

Why? Because Friedrich made that poem for his dear beloved ( longtime friend and partner ) Christian Gottfried Körner, who inspired him to write the poem.

He stayed "of value maybe for us two, but not for the world, nor for the art of poetry"

I SWEAR TO GOD, WHEN I READED THOUGH WORD, NO THING APPEAR IN MY MIND AS FAST AS MIKA AND SHU DID.

His performance and his dear partner in art. Did I mention that Friedrich made a whole verse for Christian on his birthday.

( uhm, ok, that's enough! Let's move to the next one for now before I can't keep this mouth shut. )

Some lines in the poem go like this:

"Rescue from the chains of tyrants, Magnanimity to the villain too, Hope on the deathbed, Mercy in the high (law) court, Even the dead shall live! Brothers, drink and agree (with me) That all sinners shall be forgiven And hell shall be no more."

The "Ode to Joy" old name was "Ode to Freedom" / "An die Freiheit"

Then there came "Libera me" ( "Deliver me" )

Which also has an interesting background related to the Catholic Church. "Libera me" originated from a song named "Office of the Dead" which had been sung as a service prayer for the death.

The text asks God to have mercy upon the deceased person at the Last Judgment.

And it fits the theme of the song well! Because as I said before, the song is about a god who wants to destroy the world in sudden.

So "Ode to Joy", "Libera me" can be seen as the voices of humans who denying the god choice, the choice to turn the world back to dust.

( Note: The line in the song is not being sung by Mika or Shu, but by voices in the background. It becomes more noticeable when considering the fact that none other Valkyrie songs have these "background voices" at all )

The next two lines both sing an indirectly about the old Valkyrie.

"Ah, the melody sinks into overwritten myths"

The old Valkyrie had been sunk down to the deep by the play of Fine.

"Come, it is the time to open the floating corridor that full of electrons"

But it was the story from a long time ago, now, we taking a different path, to the new corridor, a new path to the future yet we're still unable to predict. Accidentally we lead ourselves to the door of destruction. ( It can also be seen as the god in this play had opened the door of doom, ending the world in sudden )

Ah, yes, once again this song mentions the use of the classic poem.

This "Song of the Bell" had nothing to do with song or symphony, which gives us more clues and confirms the truth about "Ode to Joy".

Surprisingly, "Song of the Bell" is also been written by Friedrich Schiller.

"Ode to Joy" was written in 1785, while "Song of the Bell" was written in 1798.

The poem talks about the bell, how was the bell made, by what, and with what tools and techniques they used to make it.

I have a belief that the "love and punishment" part of the song lyrics has other means than taking from the "Song of the Bell". Yes, the poem did mention "love" as a part of the story where a couple has known each other since they were kid.

Wedding bell and allocation of roles is the part when the bell acts as a wedding bell.

To later on, mention death: Death knell upon the decease of the woman where the bell has an earnest purpose and tolls in accompaniment to a funeral

But there is no mention of crime or punishment.

So go back to the lyrics where they sing: "Reflect the song"

Reflect...which means there is a connection but not really is about the poem. It was more about Valkyris, the love had turned its back on them. Their art, their joy, their peaceful life as 3 small people in an unpopular Unit was now a punishment, pulling them down to the ground.

Nazuna left, Valkyrie broke, Shu is no longer himself.

To Mika, if not a punishment then what could this horrifying scene had been?

We can also see this in the human's eyes. If "Ode to Joy", "Libera me" was all human ( in the theme ) talking about, then this line is the begging for the god to rethink his decision:

"Please, don't you see, this beautiful planet is our everything. Is our beginning and our ending. We may suffer, but we are happy, and that makes living a meaningful thing."

noticed how Mika uses "Each other" not just "Other" which points to both Shu and Mika.

In their era of being a "not so happy" unit since the war ended.

They have gone so far and now look back at themself. Such action of shame, the days when we are still nothing but a nameless Valkyrie.

You can also look at it in the MV theme way: ''I wish this world would disappear.'' As the god of mechanical no longer feels the need of humans exiting.

As the next lyrics go:

"Behind this veil of anonymity" (Shu line)

"The ghosts of the dead-" (Mika line)

"Are dancing in the underground till the end of the trial" (Shu line)

There are two things I need to point out in detail here:

Firstly: The meaning of these lines seems to me as if they're talking about their trauma. Behind this veil is the old time, the old ghosts, look, they are all here, never left until we start open up with them. Until we learn how to heal ourselves from the brutal injury of war did we be able to make them leave

Secondly: Mika once again mentions death. It was Mika's own thing, if you don't know, death kinda became a thing that fond with Mika's style. Lots of times, we can see Mika associated with death ( mostly in the old song. )

In his 'In the Shadow' outfit, which had a deep connection with butterflies.

Butterflies are a symbol of the representative soul of a deceased person. In that outfit, Mika is represented by a blue butterfly, what was the meaning of that symbol?

A symbol of the soul who passed is nearby!

So, by now you would be questioning: "Why are there so many signs about death from Mika?" Well, glad you asked.

This all came down to the fact that Mika was being a doll in Valkyrie. Nazuna was also a doll himself, but he break free and Mika didn't.

Mika is dying from the inside, becoming the soulless, as he loses what support to belong to him. He sells it away, sacrifice it for the wish of making Valkyrie great again.

"Surrounded by faceless choirs, there's stand the lonely soloist So, let's sing out loud to those who have no place to go, here's the truth."

Sung by both Mika and Shu.

In my belief, these lines are dedicated to them, the Valkyrie that got injured after the war. They got no hope, not thing to relied on.

Shu got a bad representation, lost his mind.

Mika also had to suffer from the event but he's trying his very best not to become a burden to Shu after Nazuna left.

That was the moment when Mika became more doll-like than how he was before.

We stood together, yet loneliness filled inside our souls. Becoming the "soloist" singer without notice.

"Sing to those who have no place"

They're telling themself, their pitiful past self that the daunting world is now no more.

We now have a place to stay, a home to be in, we've got our back.

Ok, ok, here it comes, MY FAVORITE LINE!

LIKE, THERE ARE SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT, I CAN'TTTTT

Ok, I can actually do that now ( since this analysis is already long as hell )

This line makes a connection to another line, which is:

"Here's the truth" - "Audience, please come"

"To the New World"

Isn't simply just about the god and the humans, it carries two meanings.

One is the literal, a sore thumb that sticks out the most to me: IT ABOUT THE VALKYRIE NEW ERAAAAA.

They maybe not yet healed, not yet prepared themself for the world outside, but they're now more happy than ever.

Shu is trying his best to understand Mika.

Mika is trying his best to become something of his own, escape from the realm of a soulless doll.

"Dancing with full bloom"

Like, uhm *raises eyebrows*, full bloom, full bloom you said?

The last time ( the first time Shu appeared in the game main story ), Shu said: "I am counting the days until we bring our blossoms together to make "Valkyrie" the most beautiful bouquet in the world."

And now ya said that you're FULL BLOOM? That can only mean one thing, they have finally found their meaning of art.

They may not "bloom" to the world but "bloom" to themself. Becoming different. They changing, they learning, and they are growing.

"where 0 and 1 dancing"

Yeh, you already know what I'm going to say. 0 and 1 are binary code or we usually call it "computer language" / bits.

0 and 1, is what this theme song is about. The mechanical god, the new world of mechanics. "0 and 1 dancing" is "The god is speaking".

Like, 0 1 then 1 0, 0 1 then 1 0, where 0 and 1 will change their place to make a byte, a string of bits, representing the god language.

And, it is just me or do I get the feeling that this goddess who wants to destroy a world in rust has his reason, he has a feeling that leaving the world like this, isn't a good idea.

Even if the humans are begging him to stop, he did not listen.

Because, in some of the next lines, we got this:

"A play that crueler than dream" (Shu line)

"With everyone's prayers" (Mika line)

"Everyone will remember it" (Shu line).

"Above the Surface world that full of selfishness and egoism" (Mika line)

The god see human as this selfish and only care for what they want most then how others feel.

"This lost child of the era, is confused by the fragile waves" (Mika line)

"So let's come and come into a new world trapped in 0 and 1" (Shu & Mika line)

Is about Valkyrie, IT ABOUT VALKYRIE. *Gone crazy at this point*

If you didn't know, Valkyris wasn't that used to the new system after the war. The DreamFes system made by Eichi, yeah, that one.

They skip school and most of the time do their show outside of school until Eichi himself steps in and threatens them to rejoin the school and accept the DreamFess system.

They were lost. Lost of the modern world, and still stay in the old era. Shu never wants to go back and join the DreamFes for once because how much he hated Eichi, and how much the war hurted him, yet, they return, make a change that not even Eichi can imagine of.

"Lost in their own tears, and still..." (Shu line)

"Falling away..." (Mika line)

They did, however, losing against Fine, and still...this was not the end.

THIS WAS A MARK FOR THE NEW BEGINNING.

That they're now known to DreamFes, open their mind and continue their journey.

That why the next line of the song came with a stronger beat. Bam! We are now reborn, we are now continue to blooming up on this world of hidden beauty. We'll find it and make art out of it!

"Scrutinize, lament, and let your own foolish schemes drive you crazy" (Shu line, it kinda fit Shu too)

"And now, ask yourself here and now." (Mika line)

"Is there an omnipotent being to be ruled?" (Both)

"And do you believe it?" (Shu line)

"Do you believe it?" (Mika line)

"Do you believe it?" (Both)

I think these lines are pointing to Shu and how he've been since the end of the war.

Scrutinize mean: examine or inspect closely and thoroughly.

While lament mean: a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.

After the war, Shu was cave for perfection even more than he was before, he wish to not made all that mistake again or else he might lose Mika too.

He drive himself crazy, then look back what happened, he started to ask questions.

He was so into perfection, he loses the meaning of art it self. He put himself into a jail, said that, this was all for the work of art, but it wasn't.

People are being harm for his actions, Mika wasn't getting any better if he keeps acting like this. Reckless and madness drive him away from the actual beauty in art that the old Shu was fond of.

So, he ask himself. If art is freedom, why so gaol...

"Is there an omnipotent being to be ruled?"

And realizing that, will he continue to be like this. Do you believe in such form of art that not bring happiness and joy?

For the bloom of Valkyrie, must we sacrifice our little life for the victory Shu wanted.

Also important element needed to be mention: Last Lament.

Meiyuu Deshi Kairou was released in 2023, and Last Lament which is also a Valkyrie song was released in 2017.

And in the song, there was this line: "It fine if we reach the brink of our dreams and rot forgotten."

"We'll use the flames of passion on us, to show them that we can melt even despair."

But, but! In their newest song ( from the Trip albums)

Shukufuku no Library

We can see, Shu is now accepting the future and wish for joy to Valkyrie then only to successfully reach their dream as soon as possible:

"Is it only success stories that are now illuminated by the love that shines down from the heavens?"

"No! An unfinished adventure stories is also a foolish memoir that's also precious."

"Come on, let's play the lovely poems of our lives and gently store them in the library of blessings."

Return, return, let's us get to the next line:

Ok, Ok, I love that they put both Friedrich Schiller work into one line!

"A play that's crueler than a dream" (Mika line)

"Everyone inside this veil wishing for something" (Shu line)

The god talk about everyone wishes, seeing their foolish little small wishes yet never to be turn into reality because the god already had their own plan for them.

It also Shu, talking to himself that even if life is cruel, everyone has their little dream.

"In the face of the myth of the Perfect world" (Shu line)

But Shu dream was too far from reality, can that Perfection he wished for really have a way to get?

From here on, the line repeat itself:

"confused by the fragile waves" (Shu line)

"This lost child of the era" (Mika line)

"So let's come and come into a new world trapped in 0 and 1" (Shu & Mika line)

But this time, Shu has become different, Valkyrie has changed! The lost child had found their way out of that jail!

"The labyrinth corridor, love is a Perfect world" (The back choir?)

And yes, he did be able to found out, love is the best way to a world he's wish for, no more madness from now on, only love and joy.

And maybe, just maybe, the goddess in this song also did.

Thank you for your time! Reading this.

It late now, and my ears...oh god...it had been listen to Meiyuu Deshi Kairou non-stop ( I remember like 8/10 of the goddam lyrics *cry and laughed at the same time* )

Also, one last thing...

In the 3D MV, noticed how Mika move, yes, he still keep that flexibility of him, but that not just a represent for a doll, Mika now turning it in to his own style of dance.

While Shu do art in a perfect and nicely organizing way.

Mika go for a chaos way that both resemble the old him and use it to make the new him.

In the last moment of the MV, Mika...I don't know if he forget or that is simply how the MV plays out, but there was a moment like this:

Mika when: Look at my Oshi-san!!!

Shu: Mika! Back up! You're supposed to be standing next to me.

Mika: Can i?

Shu: Yes. Yes you can. You're no longer a doll, but a human, a partner who place is staying next to me and performing art together.

Mika: Oh...I'm not fulling understand that, but ok! I'll try to stay next to you from now on!

( this is me, writing that out of thin air, the conversation may not be real, but the meaning are. Mika may be a little confused for suddenly got set free from being a soulless doll, he need his little time )

Thank...for reading...my dear ValkyrieP... I need a rest and a cup of coffee I guess *die*

[moonlit-positivity]

One thing that comes up a lot in trauma recovery I've noticed, is that sometimes people will say things like, "go to therapy so you don't become like (abusers)," and "don't let your (abusers) control you!" I've even said this myself in moments where I've noticed one of my friends falling off the deep end and just desperate to get them to understand someone cares about what they're going through.

But I've also had that said to me. And it's been a hard thing to get through, because I've always acknowledged the fact that my mother was abusive and bad and that I really did not want to be anything like her at all. I've already spent my entire childhood knowing that, internalizing it, and making it my entire priority in life to just, listen to others and do what they'd need me to do and never make a wave ever ever ever again.

And the thing is, sometimes being told you're "acting like your (abusers)," or that "(abusers) are controlling you," sometimes that can be an incredibly hurtful and incredibly triggering thing to both say and hear said back to you.

Just because we are traumatized doesn't automatically make us more likely to regress into a childlike version of our abusers and tbh I'm pretty sure a lot of us already have a huge complex about not repeating the abusive behaviors we were already subjected to.

It can't be more insensitive to kinda force that rhetoric on a trauma survivor. The thing is, yeah there are going to be moments of regressive behavior and maladaptive coping skills that are already going to remind you of what you learned from them, because it's all you've had to learn from to begin with. There's going to be the angry outbursts, lashing out, fear of confrontation, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, just lots and lots of fear responses that already have nothing to do with you becoming like your abusers or having them control your reactions, because these responses are there from the trauma you endured, the lack of safety, the lack of support, lack of communal effort to have protected you and kept you safe from harm to begin with.

And that is more important to understand bc it helps better foster a sense of compassion for yourself. You're not like your abusers. Your abusers are not acting through you. You're just traumatized, and in need of someone to be kind and considerate with that information and to know you're not choosing that on purpose. It's just the way it's presented itself due to the way our brains work.

And if you're choosing to learn new ways of coping with that, then this is something you're already gonna be familiar with, but the concept that you're repeating the same behaviors that they did is already going to be hard enough to sit with and self inspect and see it for yourself. So please please please remember that you're not your parents, you're not your abusers, you're not them. You're nowhere near the same as them. You're actively choosing to make a difference for yourself and that is what makes you different. You deserve to know you're not the same, never were! And you never deserve to be shamed for having picked up some of the same tendencies either.

Trauma is a fickle bitch! Cuddle yourself anyway! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[grumpybunny-edith]

Furry HRT comics have been something my brain kinda constantly returns to over the last... since people started making them, and so just like anything else I'm really invested in, I feel like I need to analyze them as a phenomenon a little bit.

In some ways, I feel like the most popular formats of these comics are informed by a traditional or uncomplicated view of medical transition. Every character is presented as being able to get an appointment pretty simply, and all live in proximity to their endo. Their initial appointment usually sucks, but characters get what they're looking for and generally don't experience any more roadblocks. The meds people take are always compatible with them, and do not cause any unexpected or adverse side effects.

There's also the assumption in many of these comics that transition has a definite "end". There exists a point where a character is "done", more or less, which isn't accurate to transgender experiences and pushes some of the harmful narrative perpetuated by the medical system. This structure, as well as the fact that furry HRT generally functions more quickly than transgender HRT, is helpful to the format of the stories as short-form narratives, as it helps create a satisfying conclusion.

This is all great for what the format and narratives seem to be trying to convey. Even in amongst the body horror which is common to the narrative, which is in itself useful for exploring how something many view as horrible or uncanny (such as gender transition), they are stories about trans joy. They're about some of the adversity we face, finding happiness among that adversity, and sharing in it with our communities. They're also about finding an authentic self through a medical process that isn't seen in reality, and how regardless of how strange people find something, happiness and self love are what is most important.

But also, when I reflect on these narratives, I sometimes struggle to see myself in them. I'm a person who has spent her entire time medically transitioning dealing with shitty, non-fantastical roadblocks; and it's never the fault of a shitty doctor. Prescriptions take a long time to deliver, insurance doesn't wanna cover it, drugs don't work properly (or sometimes too well, and my doctor starts thinking I have a tumor in my brain), that kind of stuff.

And part of why this bums me out is that there's still so much joy there. It takes more work to love oneself when you spend a month or two off for every three months on, but it's a beautiful thing when you do. There's a whole side of the community engaging with things like DIY HRT, helping and looking after one another even when the medical system won't. There's also people microdosing HRT, either because they're unsure how they feel about it, or there's something in the "in-between" that feels right for them.

Of course artists should put to the page the stories that they want to tell. This post honestly was helping me do the same thing by orienting my thoughts. I'm just yearning for stories that feel a little bit closer to the life I've lived and noticing trends that feel reminiscent of the ways the system hurts us. I love and appreciate every single one of these stories and I hope people don't stop making them - there's so much uniquely trans joy to be had in them. I guarantee this isn't the last of what I have to say about the topic; there's too much here worth celebrating and reading closer.

[nephriteknight]

Highlights From My Bells Hells Playlist

So I have a Bells Hells playlist that has some really perfect songs if I do say so myself, and I want to talk about my choices! So here's some of my favorites. (Here is the full playlist btw, with songs ranging from word-for-word-perfect to Just The Right Vibes Idk Man)

Rule #2 - Moonlight by Fish in A Birdcage For Orym :) About a person on the moon singing to their lover on Earth. "All I want is to come home to you." Is this song about Will or about Dorian? I think it's even better because it works for both. There are lines that are for Will and lines that are for Dorian and it's all mixed up and full of longing and in light of recent confessions? Just perfectly heartbreaking. "Finally broke down / Houston, please come in / There's someone that I need to talk to / Honey, how've you been? / I miss you, my dear / There's something that I have to say" "It's good to hear your voice / I'll tell you what the world looks like from up here / there's hurricanes / and blizzards too / please stay safe and warm 'til I get to you"

Control by Halsey For Laudna. This one is very straightforward. "And all the kids cried out please stop you're scaring me / I can't help this awful energy / Goddamn right you should be scared of me / Who is in control?" The rest works pretty well too, there's more lines that feel Very Delilah, it just works.

Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives For the whole party! I happened to get into this song right when the whole "powder keg" conversation happened, and it's only gotten more relevant. "Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me." It's great it's perfect it's them. "What happens now? / Do we have another go / Do we bow out / And take our seperate roads / I'll admit I've had my doubts / But I want to be let in not out" "Remember when I could tell you not to smile when you were mad / And you would always crack / And we'd both be laughing in the end? / Now you're not so quick to forget"

Moving in Place by Shauna Dean Cokeland This song is so Ashton. It's about using drugs as a teenager and feeling stagnated, blaming things on other people, drowning in daydreams where you're awesome, spending time with a group of friends you really care about.... It works quite well. (I also really recommend this song if you have ADHD/use music to stim, it's got really great overlapping vocals and kinda scratchy sound--this is the song I put on when my brain is eating itself and no other music can get through to it. It's great.) "Take me to the far side of the beach / Before it falls into the ocean / Before you notice I'm eroding / I know you don't wanna be lonely / I know 'cause I would feel the same thing" I'm having trouble picking out specific quotes because they're all really wordy and long, but trust me it works and it's a great song.

Soap by The Oh Hellos Ashton! I especially like this for Ashton and Orym (platonic or romantic both are good) but it also works for Ashton and the Hells—and once again, this song hits even harder after the shard incident. As far as picking specific lines I just want to quote like the whole song, but I'll exercise some restraint. "I've heard since I was younger / That oil and water don't mix / They're polar opposites / With a molecular rift you can't fix / But I swear with all your burnt bridges / You can leech what's caustic and find / A rudimentary lye / Some kind of miraculous bind" "Oh, no / I think I'm not quite ready / To let you circle the drain / All the things we've broken / Can be puzzled together again / All your sums and your pieces / Are enough to clean up all / The messes you've made" "I think that you're worth keeping around. I think that you're worth holding onto." "I've heard if I were tougher / Then maybe I'd make it alive / I've got a tender side / I'll need a harder shell to survive / But if seeing is believing / I don't know I've seen a thing grow / Without an open coat / Not without a softness showing / I know maybe you're not quite ready / To loosen your hold / On the safety blanket you've been keeping around your shoulders / But your sums and your pieces / Are enough to make you whole / You gotta let go" "It's gonna hurt like hell / but we're gonna be well / I'll give you my best shot" Oops I basically just quoted the whole song. But look how perfect it is!!

The Leaving of Liverpool (folk song; I like this version by The High Kings) This one's for Dorian! Specifically, for Dorian leaving :( It's an old folk song about going away from home and leaving your love behind. It's not as character specific or detail heavy, but it just feels so right for Dorian having to leaving Orym and Fearne in Jrusar. "So fare thee well my own true love, and when I return united we will be. It's not the leaving of Liverpool that grieves me, but my darling, when I think of thee." My mom and I go to a Celtic Christmas concert every year, and one of the last songs is always this one. Everybody knows it, and they invite us all to join in the chorus. It's a beautiful moment, and I'm so grateful to Brian O'Donovan, the host, who passed away this year. He brought so much joy and gave so many people a piece of their home to enjoy here. He will be missed.

Canary in a Coal Mine by The Crane Wives If the title didn't clue you in, this one's for FCG! It's not just because of the mine, though, it all works really well. This song is about the 'canary', who puts so much into a relationship, doing everything to keep their partner happy and support them, but fears that when they need help themself their partner will abandon them. "Feed me promises, keep my heart well / I'll sing you songs until the darkness does recede / But if in the end I lose my voice / Will you forget about your love for me?" "Let the dirt hang heavy in your chest / Drag me deeper down the long, dark ground / Know that all my love will your breath / I will save you when your lights go out"

Bonus: A Convocation of Fauns (A Faunvocation If You Will) by the Oh Hellos Fearne. The title says it all. (It's just instrumental lol)