#but I'm not fucking going anywhere. I am gonna fight like hell for the people that this country has fucked over

[infernal-dance]

I'm not fucking leaving

[wtftarot]

How can you navigate your life from here on?

Thank you, @lifeofaie for suggesting this reading, I really loved the idea.

Listen, I fuckin love a good road trip, ok? And navigating on a road trip ain't that different from navigating your life. Great music and shitty snacks. Wrong turns and detours that end up being half the fun and the whole story later. Arriving later than you planned or having plans changed entirely. How it always seems like the more you try to plan and control things the more they go off the rails. What do you need to keep in mind on this road trip called life? (yes I know how dorky that was, nope I don't care, yes all of these are gonna be heavy on road trip metaphors) Consider this reading, stopping and asking a local for directions and I promise not to lead you to the den of a serial killer. What is your inner compass saying? Is it time to make a rest stop? Let's fuck around and find out.

as always this reading is for entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice in any capacity. Remember, use common sense, and don't be a dumbass.

Pick either the Road Stretching On, The Road to Anywhere and Nowhere, or the Road to Ol' Kentucky and head on to your reading

The Road That Stretches On

The Tower, Seven/ Swords Rx and the Magician on the bottom of the deck.

This reading is HEAVY. Some of y'all who came to this reading are dealing with some heavy mental shit. I am not a mental health professional, please seek one out. Tarot is awesome and helpful but it is not therapy.

Take a breath. I'm so fuckin serious right now. You need to breathe and clear your mind even for a second. Don't ya just love how many people come to readings and then ignore the simplest advice given? To just take a breath? ( I love y'all, but some of y'all need a lil call out every now and then) The reason why I'm pushing y'all to stop and breathe is cause y'all's mind never. fuckin. stops. does it? Never. I had to restart this reading three times, cause I just kept getting wrapped up in y'all's anxiety spiral. And, I know it's hard but if you never make a conscious decision to try and slow down and give yourself a second, it's not gonna happen. Human brains are mostly auto-pilot and if you don't try and take the reins every once in a while it'll just keep doing what it's doing. Y'all are incredibly overwhelmed by making decisions for your future. It's like you see your future like the picture you chose, a road stretching on forever that can lead to anywhere depending on the turns you make but for you there's something that could be lurking in each turn. Something you're not seeing and that is terrifying to you. Now the main contender here looks to be anxiety about the state of the world, climate change, wars, pollution, famine, natural disasters, and on and on. Like y'all seem to be thinking what's the point, everything's going to shit. Listen, I'm gonna try to be gentle but when I tell y'all I'm very passionate about this, I am downplaying so fuckin hard. A lot of people fall into this overwhelm, it's not your fault. Governments and corporations put a shit ton of effort into keeping us feeling overwhelmed, cause overwhelmed people are too drained to put up a real fight. The point of trying is you being happy. That is worth it. The point is you can spread that joy. The point is to make a difference while you can. The point is that yeah, the world may be going to hell in a handbasket and you're just one person but you are a whole ass person. Who doesn't have to take this shit lying down. You want to live your life but are terrified of what might happen if you do. You feel like the world is a scary place and it can be sometimes, but you're so scared of truly stepping into the world, you never let yourself be or do much. It's like y'all are super fuckin excited for the road trip but are so scared of what may be around any turn, you just keep going on the same road letting it take you wherever it does. To get anywhere you want to go you have to make some choices. Yea, they may not always turn out how you planned but here's the thing: You will be okay. What you need to do to navigate your life? I'm sorry, y'all are gonna hate this advice but trust yourself. Sweetie, you are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for, hell you may not have any knowledge of your full capabilities cause you've never let yourself reach them. Tarot readings can help you navigate, but all the readings in the world won't help you get anywhere if you never put your foot on the gas.

random ass vibes: I dunno if y'all forgot to eat but like I've been ravenous this whole reading, The cartoon Roadrunner, venus, tea, sunburn, flowers, 666

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The Road to Anywhere and Nowhere

The Star, the Five/Pentacles Rx and the High Priestess on the bottom of the deck.

Listen, honey. You can handle this. And you know you can. You're listening to your intuition, learning to trust yourself if you don't already. Y'all are navigating your life, you may have rough moments as we all do but y'all are learning to handle those moments with grace. I'm not gonna lie, it took me a minute to figure out why y'all are even at this reading, seems like the topic of this reading ain't something y'all need help with. And it ain't, y'all are killing it in this area. The reason y'all are here? Y'all need some encouragement. Maybe need is the wrong word, cause y'all are doing fuckin awesome either way. Deserve. That's the word. Y'all deserve some encouragement. The road you're on may be unconventional or the people around you very strongly disagree with. Or maybe they just strongly disagree with you, your identity as a person. (I dunno where "strongly disagree" is coming from but it keeps popping up in my head?) I feel like y'all have actively had people put you down and were able to power through and encourage yourselves, so you may not need others to encourage you. BUT we all deserve to be encouraged, just cause you can power through without supportive voices doesn't mean that you should have to. SO GET READY FOR SOME CHANNELED ENCOURAGEMENT MOTHERFUCKER! Y'all have been doing a fuckin amazing job moving away from shitty past situations and are not fucking giving yourselves enough credit. Yes, even if it was "just" some mental blocks. Oh, "just" a mental block are you kidding me? Do you know how hard getting over your own mental bullshit is?? Y'all are over here, learning to parkour over your mental bullshit like a goddamn ninja, acting like it's no big deal. Sweetie, that's huge, you do realize that? To be honest with yourself, call yourself on your bullshit and then do something about it? Step fuckin one of that is daunting. And I'm hearing that y'all were able to get through faster than even your guides were expecting. Honey, how powerful are you? Not only that, but y'all are learning to argue with your self-deprecating thoughts. Asking them, who gives a shit what they have to say? And taking all the energy you used to put into pushing yourself down and using it to build yourself up. That's SO fuckin badass, y'all! Talk about fuckin alchemizing shit. Y'all saw how much time and energy it was taking to keep yourself small and hurt, thought: Wonder what would happen if I used that to build myself up instead? And then you went and did it and ITS FUCKIN GORGIOUS. The blessings are gonna start rolling in with this new energy, but you already knew that. Cause motherfucker YOU are the blessing! Y'all are really embodying your own power and strength and are KICKING ASS. The last message is to let yourself rest, y'all are doing a lot. So give yourself a break, let yourself sleep in a bit later. Set aside time to just chill, you won't lose your progress while you sleep.

random ass vibes: receiving roses, worms, gardening, astronomy designs on clothes, 18, hide and seek

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The Road to Ol' Kentucky

Shout out to all my fellow Kentuckians! How y'all doing?

The Moon Rx, The Queen/Wands, the Page/Cups Rx and the Five/Wands Rx on the back of the deck

Y'all are being called to really embody yourself and your power moving forward. It seems like y'all not only have it in your head that you're a Page when you're a Queen (queen energy, not gender). You're wrong about the whole damn suit. Others may have convinced you you're being sensitive when they're being an asshole and you're pissed about it. (As if letting people talk shit about you is "weak" right?) Y'all think you're the negative aspects of the Cups: Overly emotional, flakey, manipulative, disorganized, and self-centered. When the truth is you're the positive aspects of the Wands: Passionate, creative, driven, confident, and strong-willed. Y'all are really fuckin hard on yourselves, okay? Others may have been intimidated by your strengths and convinced you they were your weaknesses. If y'all have been feeling stuck, this is why, alright? You are stuck cause you've been told that the way to get unstuck IS the reason you're stuck. Think of it like this, y'all are an airplane, convinced by cars that flying is your biggest weakness, trying to figure out why you never seem to get anywhere. Airplanes can roll around, sure but they're MADE to fly. It's time to do some hard thinking, probably back to when you were a kid. What were the things you loved and pursued, how did you pursue them and what bullshit did others say about it? Like, did you get super focused on an activity you were doing, forget about choirs or some shit, and then be called irresponsible and lazy? When you wanted something, were you the type to push and work towards it, then be called stubborn or relentless or annoying when others decided they wanted you to do something else? Because there are some good qualities y'all have that are how you're supposed to show up in the world that you're not letting yourself embody. To be clear, I'm not talking about being told you're acting like an asshole when you were, in fact acting like an asshole. I'm talking about strengths you had that were demonized to you and in an effort to be a better person you stopped using. Now they've atrophied and you've gotta work them out to get them back. Cause, listen the typical way of navigation ain't gonna work for you. Y'all can continue to roll around and try to get where you wanna go, but it's gonna be slow and a billion times harder. You ever seen an airplane trying to go down a road through town? Think a sec on on how hard that would be. Cause that's you, right now. There are no road maps for the sky, ya know? Y'all are charting your own path. You need to stop trying to make yourself follow the road map for life that others are using. It's not gonna work for you, cause it was never meant to. Y'all are on an unconventional path, the only way forward is to embrace it.

random ass vibes: Back To The Future, coffee, night owl, finding your people, reds oranges and yellows, clouds, libra, cats. Thelma and Louise

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[oh-no-its-bird]

I have been day dreaming about Chasing Shadows on the regular but I have a bad memory and am bad at day dreaming, so it's just been the exact same idea every time, but I enjoy so much, so here it is:

Uhhhh, because of [insert plot reasons], Ichigo is gonna get mind walked. Maybe she was convinced after realizing how people view Tobi-oji/Dara-oji, and has now made it her life's mission to explain to everyone that no, they were actually great and not at all murderous, unless it was necessary and unless it was with each other beause there was "tension" between them according to Mama and Touka-nee said they should just fuc-.

ANYWAY, cue the entire adult cast watching multiple memories of Ichigo continuously walking in on Madara and Tobirama very clearly having been making out until a second before she walked in.

One memory is Ichigo visiting her Oji-san's house, but no one opens the door when she knocks, so she sneaks in through the window in the kitchen and she starts looking for Tobirama but doesn't find him. Eventually, she ends up at his bedroom door and manages to just barely crack it open, only for a very disheveled and barely dressed Madara to shoot out from the opening and almost slamming the door shut, only to stop at the last second and quietly closing it. All she managed to see was a messy bed with her Oji-san curled up in it, seemingly asleep.

"Your oji-san is, uh, tired, Ichi-chan. He... experimented. Yes, that. Did that very late into the night. So. He needs sleep. Which I'm making sure he gets." Before ushering her out the door with a tired, if slightly stressed, smile on his face. His neck is also covered in bruises that look like teeth marks, probably from her Oji-san beating him up for interrupting his experiments, because the only one allowed to interrupt is her and no one else (lie, she's not allowed to interrupt either, but Oji-san would never beat her up for that, just scold her).

Hmmm, she would usually just break in again after getting kicked out, but her Oji-san really does need whatever sleep he can get... She'll break in again later.

Another memory is her walking into the Hokage office, only to find her Oji-san pushed up against the office desk by Madara. Tobirama pushes him off immediately, going to right some of his clothes that are now out of place, including the opening to his happi, one side of which as nearly been pushed off his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Ichigo asks as Tobirama snatches her up from the ground and starts walking away with her. Madara is laughing so hard he's sitting on the floor.

"Nothing." Oji-san's voice is rough and his face is bright red.

"Didn't look like nothing!"

"You'll learn when you're older."

"You never say that! You say you can learn anything if you try hard enough."

"Yes, well, this was boring adult stuff that you won't want to understand until you're older."

"Wrong, because I wanna know now."

"I will let you test my new seal if you never ask or speak of this again."

"Deal."

Madara is still laughing, the sound echoing through the corridor until the door shuts itself.

And it just goes on and on like that. Maybe throw in a memory with Touka where Ichigo is complaining about them always fighting and Touka pats her head before saying "They just really gotta fuck." Which is a WILD thing to say to a seven-year-old, but Touka never claimed to be good with kids and, in fact, strives to be a horrible influence.

By the end of the mind walk, Ichigo is squinting into the distance because 11 is old enough to start figuring out what the hell was happening all those times, Hiruzen is staring into the distance looking haunted, Danzou looks like his entire world just stopped making sense only to suddenly start making way more sense at the same time, Kakashi looks like he would like to be anywhere else but also he can't stop checking out Madara's ass, Shikaku looks like he wants to smoke twenty cigs at once before entering a coma, Inoichi has his head in his hands and is just slowly shaking either from laughing or crying or both, and Chōza is torn between going "awwwww" because that was some adorably dorky love and "fuuuuuucking what" because fuuuuuucking what.

So, yeah, probably none of this is going to happen in the fic, but by god has the thought been stuck in my head for days and now it will be stuck in yours too.

I'm in actual fucking tears thanks!!! Lying prone on the floor of an airplane isle losing my mind!!! I've read this like 6 times now and lose it the same way each time, I'll never recover

I'm?? Honored u like my fic enough to day dream about it???? Fucking crying rn oh my god. They need to GET A ROOM!!!! Ok actually got one, but they need to GET A BETTER ROOM!!!!!

This reads like one of those "characters read the original book/watch the anime" fics but the "anime" is just a highlight complelation of times Madara and Tobirama narrowly avoiding getting caught getting a little too up close and personal

You're right and it'll definitley never happen in the fic but I will never stop thinking ab the pure comedy of this now, so thanks

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hello,

Is there any way you could translate Samatoki's newest solo, Rinka/Blue Flame? I've been looking for a translation everywhere, but cannot seem to find one.

Best regards and thank you very much.

Oh my God I am desperate slug-san, please please pleaaasee tell me you know where to find a translation of Samatoki's Rinka/Blue Flame!! OTL I was so surprised a translator wasn't already linked in the wiki which is where I usually look first & then I couldn't find anything by searching on twitter or google or tumblr and I just really wanna know what his song is about!! T°T I can't believe I found a translation of Honobono's song but not of Samatoki's song?? I must be doing sth wrong.. Help :')

Hey slug-san! A follow-up of the Rinka/Blue Flame message. I've searched some more, and I think there's actually no translation of it so far anywhere.. T~T Would you be willing to translate it? A standard/literal translation with a lil clean-up like you did with Akuma no Hana would be totally alright!! Thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to engage with Hypmic in a way the official creators haven't made possible yet! :D <3

Sure. Under a cut for length.

I'm running at a speed faster than grief, going so fast I leave even the smallest bad feelings behind me. I spit on my dead-end future, spit in the dirty puddles. Now I'm clinging to the guardrail, tears tracing scribbled lines down my cheeks. I bet it looks pretty comical. C'mon, laugh at me, why don't you? Let's start somewhere around the unhappy ending. Why not? Works for me. The clear, blue sky waits for sunset; but to hell with that. I don't need that crap! Let's do whatever we damn well please, here in this vacant city. Just the thought of them makes me light up a cigarette. Look, I don't wanna tell people we gotta fight each other to get what we want. I just think we have to, because there's things out there that're worth keeping safe. There's a stray dog baying at the rain streaking down the glass, and that SOB won't shut up. Hey, fuck your umbrella. Who needs that kinda crap? Throw it away and let the rain drench you too. The beat's entrenched in my soul, a stupid requiem for this unfair world we live in, lying on its sickbed. C'mon, get in there and pay your respects to it. You don't have the time to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You know lashing out's the answer, right? You'll be okay. And I'm not gonna tell you you're running from your responsibilities. So c'mon. Quit your sniveling and come ride with me. The brakes don't work; those emotions never get any slower. And we're burning ourselves out, but don't let that stop you from coming along with me for the ride. Ride with me through thick and thin. Ride with me all the way to the grave.

A few final notes:

Sunset is a metaphor for melancholy. When Samatoki rejects that in the third verse, he's rejecting sitting through his feelings of loss. He uses this image again later in the line I wrote as "sit around feeling sorry for yourself."

The gender and plurality of the "them" Samatoki thinks about isn't specified. While it's most likely referring to his family, the verse immediately afterward sounds like a direct reference to Ichirou and Samatoki battling to save their siblings in the TDD breakup.

"We're burning ourselves out" could also be written like "We're burning ourselves down to ash" which connects with the cigarette image.

Given the prevalence of stray dogs in hardboiled/yakuza fiction and their recurrence as an image in Samatoki's other raps, the stray dog should be understood to be Samatoki himself.

[smuts-whore]

Choose <3

Jimmy Uso x female reader ;Jey Uso x female reader

Rating:18+

Warnings:Smut, cheating, angst

Today is the day that Jimmy comes back home after being on the road for a month. Jimmy and I have been in a relationship for almost a year now and it's hard when he's traveling  so I'm happy he comes home today. Knocking me out of my thoughts I hear the door opening and closing.

"Y/N your in here girl" Jimmy asked as I ran down the stairs to jump in his arms hugging him.

He hugged me back and kissed me. When he put me down I looked behind him and Jey. My body tensed up and my heart started beating fast. Lately when I'm around Jey I have a boost of anxiety that hits and I have butterflies in my stomach.

"Hey Y/N. How have you been"he said, hugging me, putting his hand on my lower back very close to my ass.

I hurriedly moved and went to join Jimmy on the couch. 

“I’m so happy you're  home. I’ve missed you more than anything. I was thinking we could go on a date tonight since we didn’t get to do one last time. And maybe after the date we can have a little 34+35 action”, I said tracing my finger on his thigh whispering the last part so Jey couldn’t hear since he was across from us.

“Actually babe I promised the boys that we could go out to the bar tonight. Have some drinks since we’re all off” he said, stopping

my hand by placing his on top of mine, eyes not leaving the tv once. 

“Oh okay that’s cool. We’ll just move our date night to the next time you come home” I said as my heart broke at the fact that he’d rather go get drinks with the people he has been with for a month, instead of spending his time with me.

Jey eyes never left me. He almost looked sorry for me. It made me wonder what he would do if he had a girlfriend. Sometimes I feel like I’m not Jimmy’s at all. He always tells me I’m his and not going anywhere but there is no effort to try to keep me there. I kissed his arm and walked upstairs going to lay down. He doesn't want to spend time with me so neither do I. 

I tucked myself in the covers crying a little because all I want is for my baby to want to spend time with me. Tonight it’s the bar and for the rest of the week it’ll be something else. I slowly drift to sleep. 

I woke up to Jimmy kissing my forehead. I looked up at him and he was dressed to go out. He looked so sexy, enough to eat. I inhaled his scent and pushed my legs together to try to stop the pool from forming in between my legs. I stood on my knees and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him. 

I deepened the kiss and he allowed me. Our tongues fight each other for control. When I won I thought I had him. I moved one of my arms to take his hand and put it inside of my shorts. He groaned at how wet he made me. Right when I thought he was going to rub me he moved his hand and backed away from me. I know this bitch is playing. 

“Baby you know I’m going out with the boys. I’ll handle that when I get back home. I promise I won’t be long”, he said walking out of the room leaving me frustrated. 

Four hours have passed, it is currently 2 am and Jimmy is not home yet. To top that it is raining like hell outside. I started to worry about him because he never called me either and that’s unusual. When I went to call him there was a knock on the door. I figured it was him because he always forgot his keys. 

“Thank god I thought something-” I said stopping my sentence to see it was not Jimmy, it was Jey. He was soaked from the rain and let me say he looked sexy as fuck. The water just falling on him and the house lights on him perfectly. 

I didn’t realize I was staring until he said,”You're just going to stand there staring or you're gonna let me in. It’s kind of cold.”

I blushed, moving aside so he could enter the house. He watched as I walked away because I had on some short spandex biker shorts and a crop top. I handed him a blanket and he gladly took it, wrapping it around him to warm up. 

“What’s up Jey? Where’s Jimmy”, I asked.

“I don’t know. I left them an hour ago because I was worried about you in this weather” he said, making my heart swell. 

“Well thank you. I really needed that”, I said, hugging him, not caring if he was wet. 

“Someone with a ass like yours should not be left alone for 5 minutes” he said, rubbing up and down my back. 

Something came over me and I looked up and stared into his eyes. They were so filled with lust I couldn’t help myself. I reached up and connected our lips. He dropped the blanket, picking me up as I put my legs around his waist. He trailed kissing all over my neck looking for that spot. When he found it I let out a soft moan. He grinned against my neck carrying me upstairs to the room. 

He threw me on the bed and I started taking off my clothes as Jey watched. 

When I was fully naked he whispered,”You are so fucking beautiful.”

He took off his clothes and I watched in awe at his body. When he was completely naked I grabbed his dick and he slapped my hand away. I looked up at him shocked. 

“No. Tonight is about making you feel the way you deserve to” he said as I moaned at his powerful words. 

He flipped me around on all fours. He rubbed his thumb between my folds and groaned at how wet I was. 

“Are you always this wet” he asked, slowly rubbing my clit. 

I whined and said,”Maybe you’ll have to stick around to find out daddy.”

He smacked my ass making me jolt forward slightly. A surprised, loud moan escaped my lips and he licked a strip up my cunt. He mumbled how  good I tasted and started eating me like a starved man. I gripped the sheets moaning like crazy at the pleasure I was feeling. It became overwhelming. I reached behind me and tried pushing his head away but it didn’t work. He grabbed my arms holding them down behind my back. 

“FUCKKKKK”, left my lips as I came, back arching and legs shaking. 

He licked up everything that came out of me and got up. He flipped me over on my back while stroking his length. He hit his dick against my pussy, teasing me.

I groaned and said,”Omg Jey put it in! Please daddy.”

“Needy little thing” he said, smirking at my begging as he entered me. 

My back immediately arching in the air due to him stretching me out. He started thrusting at a slow but deep speed. 

“You don’t know how long I have waiting to be in this tight, wet, pussy baby” he said, groaning, slowly losing himself in my body. 

He rubbed my nipples in his hands, speeding up his thrust. 

“Omg don’t stop! RIGHT THERE DADDY”, I moaned as he hit my spot with every thrust causing me to rub my clit fast chasing my orgasm. I felt the knot in my stomach forming. 

“Please daddy can I cum”, I begged as my legs started shaking uncontrollably. 

“Go ahead baby, come on daddy’s cock. Let it all go”, he said, speeding up more at an inhuman speed causing me to explode. 

I came so hard my vision was white and no sound could come out my mouth. When I came back to reality Jey’s thrust was getting sloppy and his dick was twitching inside me. 

“Where do you want it baby”,he asked, groaning, losing his shit.

I pulled off of him and put his dick in my mouth, milking him by sucking the tip. 

He moaned as he burst in my mouth. When all his load was in my mouth, I swallowed all of it and stuck my tongue out to show him. He groaned and kissed me. 

It’s been 4 months since that night and me and Jey have been sleeping together ever since then. When they were on the road we would facetime after me and Jimmy. 

Right now they’re back home. Jimmy’s somewhere with Solo and Jey is 9 inches deep in me. Of course I feel bad about it, it’s just too good to stop. Jimmy has been changing slowly, showing me more attention and spending time with me but a part of me still wants Jey, it’s actually very confusing. 

I was a moaning mess as I scratched at Jey’s back. We jumped and covered ourselves when the door opened, revealing a hurt Jimmy. 

“Wow I was right”, he said as tears fell down his cheeks and his voice cracked. 

“I am so sorry baby. Please believe me. Jey was here when you weren't. When I needed you. It just went far”, I said, getting up holding his hand. 

Jey said,”I’m sorry Uce but I love Y/N. I couldn’t stand watching how you treated her so I needed to make her feel love.”

Jimmy sighed and rubbed my cheek wiping away my tears. 

“He’s right. I didn’t do you right and I’m sorry for that. Do you love him”, he said. 

“I don’t know but I still love you”, I said crying harder. 

Jimmy said,” I hate to do this to you mama but you have to choose one of us. Him or me?”

I sighed knowing I have to pick one of them. I walked up to Jey putting my forehead against his. Both of us crying, knowing where this is going. 

“I love you but we have to stop. I love you but I’m in love with Jimmy. Maybe if I would have met you first I would have made a different decision”, I said, playing in his hair. 

He said,”I will always love you Y/N and I’m always here for you.”

He got up, got dressed and kissed my forehead before walking out. I watched him walk out and I felt an empty pit in my heart. Jimmy held me as I wondered if I made the right decision. 

[fritextramole]

smacked in the face with a silver spoon

part 3 of a Jenny Humphrey playlist - best heard in order

tracklist and quotes under the cut

The Outsider ~ MARINA

I look myself in the face And whisper "I'm in the wrong place" Is there more to lose than gain If I go on my own again?

Meet Me in the Woods ~ Lord Huron

Say goodbye to who I was I ain't never been away so long Don't look back, them days are gone Follow me into the endless night

Handle With Care ~ The Traveling Wilburys

I've been uptight and it made a mess But I'll clean it up myself, I guess Oh, the sweet smell of success Handle me with care

I Was Neon ~ Julia Jacklin

I quite like the person that I am Am I gonna lose myself again?

Still Sane ~ Lorde

Only bad people live to see Their likeness set in stone What does that make me?

Devil Inside Me ~ Matt Berry

But I'd blow your mind, when I'm up high, to fall back down again Up high, to fall back down again Swing low, and look straight at me That's all I need now the Devil's inside me

t r a n s p a r e n t s o u l ~ WILLOW, Travis Barker

I don't fucking know if it's paradise or it's a trap Yeah, they're treating me like royalty, but is it kissin' ass?

And So It Went ~ The Pretty Reckless, Tom Morello

With all these eyes upon us, but no one seems to see That you and me are just the same as God meant it to be But you're much too close to me

Bad Man's World ~ Jenny Lewis

I will never forgive you For what you put us kids through Remember that night You tried to take your own life? When I found you You were a shade of blue And success is a state of mind With a little bit of follow through And then you failed at that too

Sinister Kid ~ The Black Keys

I got a tortured mind, and my blade is sharp A bad combination in the dark

Rip It Up ~ Jet

And if you ever break down, I’ll cut you up again On the bedroom wall, the stars look bright But they don’t belong in the city of light

Worldwide Torture ~ Jazmin Bean

I never come second place Always been a big disgrace Smell the fear‚ I know you see High achiever (Yeah, that's me)

Going to Hell ~ The Pretty Reckless

Father did you miss me? Don’t ask me where I’ve been You know I know, yes I’ve been told I redefine a sin

In Undertow ~ Alvvays

What's next for you and me? I'll take suggestions we toss and turn in undertow

Chaise Longue ~ Wet Lag

Hey, you, over there On the chaise longue, in your underwear What are you doing sitting down? You should be horizontal now

Starring Role ~ MARINA

Sometimes I ignore you, so I feel in control 'Cause really, I adore you and I can't leave you alone Fed up with the fantasies that cover what is wrong

R U Mine? ~ The Arctic Monkeys

And I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be And satisfaction feels like a distant memory

bellyache ~ Billie Eilish

Everything I do The way I wear my noose Like a necklace I wanna make 'em scared Like I could be anywhere Like I'm reckless

Bullet With Butterfly Wings ~ The Smashing Pumpkins

Now I'm naked Nothing but an animal But can you fake it For just one more show? And what do you want? I wanna change

You ~ Radiohead

I can see me drowning Caught in the fire You, me and everything Caught in the fire

RAGE ~ Samantha Margret

Rage is a funny place Full of loose hand grenades Where every hand is spades Violence in the open space Clear and bright as day So you can't hide away

Man in the Box ~ Alice in Chains

I'm the man in the box Buried in my shit Won't you come and save me?

Nobody Asked Me (If I Was Okay) ~ Sky Ferreira

Shaking your head while I try to explain You say you don't wanna hear me complain Just tryna get my point across You don't seem to care if I'm feeling lost

The Love Club ~ Lorde

I joined the club and it's all on There are fights for being my best friend And the girls get their claws out There's somethin' about hanging out with the wicked kids Take the pill, make it too real The other day I forgot my old address I'm sittin' pretty on the throne There's nothing more I want, except to be alone

Are You Hurting The One You Love? ~ Florence + The Machine

Are you hurting the one you love? You'd like to stay in heaven but the rules are too tough

[deadprompts]

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳 𝚂𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝟼 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂.

content warning applies. change any pronouns / wording if necessary.

my people have guns. yours don't.

we're still here.

i can’t watch more names go up on that wall.

hell, they're all gonna be doing that.

i do not appreciate you killing my men.

they made a lot of demands, even more threats.

i know that is a mighty, big, nasty pill to swallow, but swallow it you most certainly will!

this is the next world.

that’s a stupid name.

confrontation's never been something we've had trouble with.

it happened and now it's done.

you want to live, you take chances.

i'm not pissing off a pregnant lady.

the world is trying to die.

the people around you dying, that's the hard part.

the only thing that keeps you from being a monster is killing.

i want to show you the new world.

if you have to eat shit, best not to nibble.

your dad was an asshole.

things can get better. we can make them better.

this is what life looks like now.

doing this will start us down a road where nothing matters.

we're gonna give it to them.

we don't leave anyone behind.

you got one of our guns.

we all have a job to do.

we can't turn back because we're afraid.

look, i get it, my dad killed your dad.

do you have any idea who you are talking to?

someday this pain will be useful to you.

this is your way of life now.

shit’s continually been hitting the fan.

you work for me now.

i like you people.

you keep choosing this life, you will die.

you don't really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished, now did you?

things aren’t as simple as four words.

you are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes.

you’re a survivor. you always were.

you can cry.

it’s dangerous, you should change it.

but are you gonna live through it?

and what do you get in return?

i don't take chances anymore.

somebody like that they're gonna die no matter what.

most of the people here don't even know how to fight, even if we had ammo.

we got here together, and we’re still here.

you see? i have leverage.

you still got family and you still got a home.

these dicks just got a good story.

i find this whole conversation pretty funny.

your world’s about to get a whole lot bigger.

trust us.

i wanted to kill him.

there is no right; there's just the wrong that doesn't pull you down.

i will not allow you to kill me. i will not allow that.

we need food. you have it. we're willing to work for it.

sucks, don't it? moment you realize you don't know shit.

we have to come for them before they come for us.

i fully respect the hair game.

then i'll get supplies for your people.

i'm going like i should have.

we keep going for them.

i like the way you call bullshit.

ya'll don't think you're being stupid right now?

you're some kind of stupid, getting knocked up at a time like this.

shit kid. lighten up.

i'm gonna beat the holy hell outta one of you.

i don't wanna kill you people.

we're going to have to fight.

be kind to each other.

y'all are worse than a bunch of evangelical second graders.

i am not like you.

i still think i got some of his brains in my ear.

we don't need to leave breadcrumbs.

dibs is dibs.

when they come for us, we’ll end it. the whole thing.

this was supposed to be a dress rehearsal.

i trust you.

you're one of the most important people in the world to me.

good luck, dumbass.

you wanna make today your last day on earth?

you point a gun at me, and i’m the asshole?

people you love, they made you who you are.

we pissin' our pants yet?

i'm not planning to die today.

you're the one who's afraid to die. and you're going to. you will die.

you go or you stay. those are your choices.

i know this sounds insane, but this is an insane world.

you need to know things aren't as simple as they might seem.

i have come to believe, all life is precious.

they're all your people.

you're smarter than that.

walkers, people, anything that gets anywhere near me, i kill them.

jesus! you look fucking shitty!

listen, i'm a little nervous here.

are you going to kill me?

which one of you pricks is the leader?

things moved slow here, and then things just started moving fast, too fast.

don't come after me, please.

you thought you were safe. i get it.

you live with it or it eats you up.

you can breathe.

did you take one of my protein bars?

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

I just need to rant okay. As a kid who has grown up hearing pretty much everyone complain about the government this and our horrible society that I’m honestly just… done all around. No Grandma Agnus, I don’t care about how you think lgbtq+ people are all going to a hell I don’t even believe in but you know what, cousin Cadence? I also don’t care about how all homophobic people are the true evil ones. No, I don’t care that trans people exist but guess what? I also don’t care that there are people who think differently because people are entitled to their own fucking opinions so long as they aren’t actively harming others (if you don’t like them don’t interact with them more than you have to on both sides, it’s not a hard concept).

Yes I understand that racism has played a huge role in our country but I’m pretty sure that’s not why they got your order wrong at Wendy’s Uncle Jason. Yes I understand that women have had it tough in the past but guess what, last I checked we’re doing a hell of a lot better and no men are not stupid or evil for fuck’s sake and yes they do have problems of their own even though they’re not women

No, I don’t think that all rich people are evil or owe us something (and that’s coming from someone who used to live in a tiny little trailer and only got a small packet of gum for Christmas once) but I also don’t think that workers are over-exaggerating some of their horrible conditions such as payment. No, I don’t care what pronouns you use Finley but guess what when you come at me for “assuming your gender” or whatever twice in the same day despite the fact that it changes literally every hour then that’s where we start to have problems. No, I don’t care that you believe in god but fun fact I am a heavy believer in the separation of church and state and will you look at that, it seems like church and state are getting a bit too chummy up in this house when you claim that all women who get abortions are murderers who are gonna go to hell and abortion should be criminalized for the sake of their souls Auntie Susana.

On top of that I become old enough to vote and stuff soon but honestly I don’t really want to. All I’ve seen my whole life are a bunch of adults going at each other’s throats like rabies-infested dogs and for what? So that they can try to get an extra bit of rope in ya’ll’s tug-of-war? And then older people come at people my age who don’t want to be involved in the shitshow? It almost makes me want to laugh my ass off because that’s like polluting a well and then pleading for the townsfolk to drink that nasty water.

Sorry for my harsh words. I just had a lot of frustrations and really needed to say something anywhere. Know that none of this was directed at you or anyone with strong opinions in a malicious way, I’m honestly just so tired. It feels like everyone everywhere is fighting and for what? No one listens to anyone anymore. I do fully intend to vote when I’m old enough, I’m just done with everyone shouting at me from all sides.

I am very confused as to why this rant was brought to me, because I literally am one of the people you're complaining about.

When I saw this ask, I had to stop looking at this website for like three days. It's a very privileged take, honestly. I don't blame people for getting tired of hearing about politics and world issues all the time, it is exhausting. But as someone who's frequently called exhausting, well, I'm fucking sorry if hearing about the people suffering around you is bothering you. That is a privilege. You can feel that way, but recognize you feeling that way is a luxury.

Your (I'm assuming) metaphorical Grandma hating gay people isn't the same as your metaphorical cousin calling homophobes evil. As I said to my mom yesterday in a very similar conversation, your grandma has the luxury of leaving that conversation any time. So do you. I, as well as other gay people, do not have that luxury. Getting annoyed or tired about any debate on basic human rights I understand, but equally at both sides is bizarre to me. It's like getting mad at a random person in 1912 and the Titanic passengers equally for continuing to talk about the Titanic. One of these groups hAS TO BE TALKING ABOUT THE TITANIC RIGHT NOW. You're not on the Titanic, so you can shut your newspaper and get annoyed it's all you hear about. THE TITANIC PASSENGERS CANT! One side is there because it's literally them being talked about. The other is there because they have too much free time and are demons.

I understand why you feel like people are fighting all the time. They are. But politics are not very black and white. In America it's really just the right and the farther right. But individuals are fighting because things need to be fought for, simply enough. Silence is complicity, and your first two paragraphs are just that.

@antigirlb0ss look at this shit

[mlobsters]

supernatural s9e20 bloodlines (w. andrew dabb)

LOL oh my god at the (quick check to make sure i am actually watching spn) hair color change like in the craft!

the craft (1996) [jesus it came out when i was 16??? what is time]

gonna throw the blond in the knockoff boyd holbrook (corinthian) / spn!brady (i called brady boyd hollbrook with a dash of armie hammer i am very consistent in my thought process lol) pile with bartholewhatever because apparently all slim white blond men occupy one spot in my head

spn s5e20 brady / the sandman - boyd holbrook as the corinthian / spn s9e3 bart

we also have budget tom cruise

another hunter via fridge origin story?

DEAN Agents Bonham and Peart, FBI. We will take it from here.

100% heard bottom and pert and died inside a little bit. what i get for having the captions off to screenshot something

why are sam and dean speaking with southern accents, is this someone's recounting of meeting them (like the lilt up on "profile" from dean, the way sam said "last night" for ex. i'm just... they sometimes, like jackles especially does the again uhgin sometimes and other little bits of accent slip in but not like this)

little bit of andrew garfield maybe? lol good god brain, get it together. this actor was also in the vampire diaries as a character i may or may not have seen, already wasted too much time not gonna get a picture

i have a feeling i'm going to commit about 5% of this episode to memory.

MARGO Yeah, you'll what? David, come on. You don't want this. You ran away to be a human. You always had a soft spot for 'em. Look, you're out. Stay out.

slow blink at the stanford era sam parallel

what the fuck is happening. why are sam and dean acting so weird talking to this nice boy ennis who looks about 18. who also has a post-stanford era sam parallel

DAVID Wow. You are so in over your head. Let me give you the short version. Chicago is divided up between five monster families. ENNIS What? Is that a joke? DAVID Do you hear a laugh track?

i mean, i snorted

just insert me saying wtf is happening continuously

he's got the patented single tear of man pain too!

~and the real monsters were the humans~

they must have really been shooting in chicago because it looks like shameless! lol. have they ever shot on location before?

ENNIS But I couldn't walk away. This is my fight now. Hell, it's a damn war, and I got to start somewhere.

laughing loudly, WHAT IS GOING ON. it's like a spinoff test

ENNIS Who is this? VOICE ON PHONE If you start hunting, the monsters will kill you. ENNIS Dad? Dad?

??????

what did i just watch

from the wiki

This episode was also planned to be a backdoor pilot for Supernatural: Bloodlines, a series set in Chicago and based on the characters introduced in this episode, however it was never picked up by the CW.

losing it. that still doesn't explain why sam and dean were acting so strange and accented (briefly) 😂

when people talk about spn getting worse as the seasons go on, this type of episode is what i was worried about haha at least there was a very specific reason it was Like This

i know i'd heard there was a spinoff that didn't go anywhere but i still am somehow very surprised and confused

not-andrew garfield and ennis were good it was just a completely absurd not good episode

[acourtofthought]

Azriel is very incorrectly characterized as sad emo baby who just needs some love.

- He spent 11 years in complete darkness and silence.

- Was only allowed to see him mom for one hour every day, but how much love can his mother fit in just one hour (when she herself was going through hell)?

- Saw his mother get mistreated and was unable to do anything about it. It’s never explicitly stated, but since his father was married with 2 sons and his mother was a servant (slave?), it’s safe to assume Azriel was not the product of consensual sex.

- His brothers tormented him for fun. I can’t even imagine the trauma and fear after they burned his hands.

- At 11 he was taken from a dark, silent place and thrown into Windhaven. He was surrounded by other kids who were probably not overtly friendly. Cue in the scars and shadows… even Rhys and Cassian bullied him. Rhys’s mom is probably the only reason he survived.

- No idea when his mom was freed or if he was able to see her after going to Windhaven.

- Rhys’s father separated the three of them and kept Azriel. He was taken away from his support system and who knows what Rhys’s father had him do?

I’m not even gonna touch the Mor/Cassian situation (that should have never been allowed to go on for so long). Purposely being touchy with Mor in front of Azriel just becomes cruel at one point. She doesn’t have to come out before she’s ready, but saying she likes things the way they are is fucked up.

He needs to heal and accept that just like everyone else, he’s not all good or all bad. The trauma Azriel has isn’t gonna go away if he gets a mate, because then his self-worth will be based on what one specific person thinks of him. That just means he’ll spiral and go back to self-loathing every time they fight or have a disagreement, especially if the mate remains angry with him. That’s just not a HEA to me.

"The trauma Azriel has isn’t gonna go away if he gets a mate, because then his self-worth will be based on what one specific person thinks of him. That just means he’ll spiral and go back to self-loathing every time they fight or have a disagreement, especially if the mate remains angry with him. That’s just not a HEA to me." That's really perceptive of you and a really excellent reason why him ending up with Mor or Elain isn't the best thing for him. There are many, many other reasons why he's not well matched to either of those females but one major problem is he's now tied his self worth into the two of them. He feels like there's something wrong with him because he didn't get a bond when Rhys, Cass and Lucien did. He feels like the females are too pure and bright for he and his darkness and true self and that must be why. And him suddenly ending up with either of them when he's become so fixated on them as the thing that he wants above all else (a Mating Bond. He didn't get one with Mor so now he's wondering why he also didn't get one with Elain even though he's still not completely over Mor) would be an instant and euphoric shot of "I am worthy!" but it would only last for so long because it doesn't really fix the problem, just temporarily masks it. And the relationship would suffer (like you said) because any tiny threat to the relationship would cause Az to go berserk, even typical arguments. Az doesn't just need love, Az has love and it's still not been enough. He's decided his entire happiness revolves around a bond even though he has an entire group of people who care about him and would die for him. But his childhood definitely messed him up and definitely not in a sad emo baby who needs cuddles kind of way. Az is angry and full of rage and really, no female interested in a relationship with him should be anywhere near that until he gets it under control. I'm not a big fan of the grown man child who needs to be mothered. I want a partner who has his shit together because while his neediness / clinginess might seem cute at first, it gets old real quick when you're going about your business like a grown ass adult and your partner is still wrapped up in himself. I do think Gwyn will be the right person for him, they already read as healthier than how he behaves with Elain or Mor. But it would be nice for Az to have a personality for an entire book where he's not fixated on unattainable females. (side note, I do agree that the Mor / Cass / Az situation was a mess of epic proportions and I really wish it wouldn't have been written that way. Because Mor owes him nothing but to write her so she actively flirts with others in front of Az just to prove a point even though it's not what she wants is 😬)

[paperboy-pb]

One of the big themes I want to emphasize in PB is disability acceptance.

As "PAPERBOY" progresses, I'm gonna be showing off how much it hurts to live in a world without it-- having people not accept you solely because of conditions you can only help so much is horrible. And we all deserve to be accepted as we are by the people around us.

But at the same time, you shouldn't feel obligated to love every part of your disability either. Self-acceptance doesn't come naturally to everyone. And who knows, maybe your disability really does get in the way sometimes!

Amelia, Aza, Rudy, etc. don't really mind their situations. They're just used to it, and it barely bothers them, if at all. But maybe you're not like them!

Maybe you're like Wilbur & his Blindness, where your disability is taking away things you loved, leaving you to grieve.

Or maybe you're like Linus & his Epilepsy, where you've found a way to make life work for you but still think it's annoying sometimes.

Maybe you're like Karl & his Down Syndrome; it's not something that you can hide, but sometimes, you wish you could. It'd be nice to blend in with everyone else for a second, you know?

Or maybe you're like Matthew & his health conditions, and you've faced a lifetime of abuse for being born that way. And you're having a hard time accepting yourself as a result.

Or maybe you're like me & only recently got diagnosed with something. And you don't know how to handle it.

...

I got 4, if you're wondering. Autism. Asthma. MDD. But a while back, I found out that I've been suffering PTSD, too. And I didn't take it well. Honestly, I'm still not.

I don't know if it ever truly goes away, and I don't want to live with it. I'm not going anywhere, of course. But I've worked hard enough, man, give me a break! Am I supposed to just be okay knowing that I'm gonna keep having flashbacks & nightmares over stupid shit nobody understands? Having a TV in my head that constantly loops home videos I never wanted to see again?

It's not fair. I'm not even 20. I shouldn't have such dark, smudged skin under my eyes.

I revel in being autistic. I've made it work for me, and in my case, I find almost no downsides. And I don't really mind my Asthma anymore. I've had it pretty much my whole life now, & I'm kinda just used to it. Same thing with Depression, although I'm obviously not happy to have that one, either.

With PTSD though, it's newer. I've only had symptoms for a few years, and I've only known what was wrong for one. And I have to worry.

Is something gonna set it off? What do I do when it acts up? I'm interested in someone-- is my PTSD gonna be too much for them to handle? I feel weak, and if anything, I'm mad at me for getting traumatized in the first place!

I know I was a kid & that the trauma was genuinely bad, but... I'm a bit of a New York hard-ass. I'm supposed to be tougher than this, man! I was supposed to come out on top, brush it off & overcome it like I'm the shit.

A life with something as debilitating as PTSD is not what I had in mind. It's like... an injury, almost. You look at the damage and go, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

And I know I have to learn to accept life with PTSD one day. Because if I don't accept myself, I'm gonna be fighting myself & making it worse as hell. But I don't like how it holds me back in life. Or the toll it's taken on my body. And y'know what, we disabled people can be mad about that shit!

Why shouldn't we?

...

We're allowed to be hurt over it. We're allowed to be angry, annoyed, displeased, or whatever else we feel about it.

Getting back to Paperboy, we already know that Matthew struggles with being a disabled kid because he's been brought up to believe that being so is synonymous with worthlessness & inferiority. Not only that, but it's been a lot of bad people's "excuse" for targeting him. So... he hates it.

And that's okay for now. It's his to think about. Not anybody else's.

But he's not going to stay there, either. Because if you wanna live your life to the fullest, you're gonna need to live *with* disability. Because it is a part of life. Like it or not. And one day, he'll find a way to live with that.

If you notice anybody struggling with internalized ableism, or disability grief, or even just frustration... help them, but don't push them into acceptance too hard, either. It's a process.

Trust the process.

[mariautistic]

Anyways uh. There's probably a bunch of endgame shit I've missed and. The Alan Wake part of the game that i guess i have to go play. So i wouldn't considered it "over" but the main story is uh. A little lacking tbh. It's very straightforward despite how much they invest on it being a mystery/horror/thriller and doesn't particularly care to invest in any character? I guess Jesse is there but she's so Nothing despite them constantly trying to tell you she's weird and Dylan. But the story doesn't rly do much for their relationship at All and overall the character writing is just not there. And the themes it has going on are really lacking or rarely end up anywhere interesting. I feel if you're gonna make a game about how the one thought you think is interesting is about how little we actually know of the world then like. I don't know do something with that? The "life is a prison with a poster on it" is more about how in the universe there's so much Shit that you just never know and people are just content with their poster and not just that life sucks but at least make Jesse an actively interested person in the supernatural then??? Instead of being annoyed every time she learns something new.

The combat has a lot of variation depending on which skills you find and level but i honestly just leveled upmy hp and telekinesis and had almost no trouble finishing the game right up to the end game. It's a shame how many weapon variations they give you only to let you just gloss over them, but i don't particularly cry over it because I hate shooters.

The ambience is very impecable and really like how scared i am of every new area despite never having struggled with fights particularly. Also an addendum to my complains about the combat is that the AI is particularly bad at doing its job and you rarely get hit if you just run in one straight direction. The only enemies i struggled much against where those floaty guys with shields bc i couldn't spam telekinesis but then I found out you actually CAN but you just gotta repeatedly throw things until they can't dodge them. So there's that.

I liked a lot the things you find around the place i think it's really funny seeing the daily complaints between departments and how toxic of a work environment it is, but after a certain point i was just inundated with the content and it felt like a chore rather than fun addendums to read. Specially the board/landline calls where i just had to watch the whole thing and couldn't just skip through some of the dialogue -_-

The level up system is just kind of bad for a lot of reasons, mainly that i just think it's stupid that i could do what i did and simply level HP and telekinesis and skip through most of the game without much struggling, and the fact the items you get are rarely relevant unless you want to level up the guns much and the in game money system is just. Ever used and there's not much punishment for dying and losing 10% of your whatever the hell if you have more than you can spend at any point in the game

The graphics are both really good in the building portion and the monsters have fun designs. However the animations leave a lot to be desired and wanting to go for an impressive realism always carries the cost that it might look stupid. Also Jesus Christ they need help from a cinema guy the shots in this game are fucking awful every cinematic where they focus on anything makes me feel crazy. The overdone close shots every time Jesse has an inner thought or the shot to shot back and forth between Jesse and whoever she's talking to is so bad i feel like if you want it to be ~cinematic~ you actually have to know about movies. At all. Literally just hire an annoying film guy to ask him what he thinks of the talking portions. Anything.

All of this to say that it's a bit of a lackluster game that tried to do a very big concept and to be fair. They did a lot of justice to it and it was fun to play despite all of this I'm complaining about. I still think that it's not a very good game for a lot lot lot of reasons but i would be lying if i didn't see the amount of effort put into it and how much i enjoyed the things it did well so i have a hard time writing it off as subpar or anything like that

[lothricknightgirl]

Document No. 887, filed in Major-Department No. 19, Jurisdiction: Sub-Department No. 19-A

How (not) to make a good impression

If you're reading this, you've just joined sub division 19-A, and have found this document in what used to be my office.

You sorry bastard.

I'd say that I feel bad for you, but dead people don't have feelings to feel bad about, so I'll just skip ahead to the useful bits to hopeful'y keep you more alive than I am at the moment.

Firstly, let's just get this out of the way.

This company is going to kill you one day.

You may ask yourself, "How? This is an administrative service company!"

Wrong.

This is more companies than you have teeth, smashed together into one gigantic Frankenstein monstrosity.

PMCs, tax companies, fucking whaling companies, you name it, they're in here, this one gigantic building, somewhere, somehow.

This place is literally infinite.

Nobody knows how they did it.

Hell, nobody even knows who 'they' are.

All you need to know is that this place is the furthest thing from an administrative services corp, and if you want to make it out of here with your limbs still attached, you're gonna need to listen.

There aren't any visible set rules here. Oh, make no mistake, there's an entire goddamn web of rules, they just don't put them up anywhere for people to see.

Breaking any of them is liable to get you skinned, dipped in acid and fed to lions. In that order.

So, to avoid that, you need to make a good impression.

Well, you're shit outta luck there, these people have hearts of fucking iron and aren't impressed for anything short of killing an entire pod of baby seals without shedding a tear.

I can't help you with that, but what I can do is tell you how to not not make a good impression.

AKA, how not to fuck up and meet a grisly fate by pissing off the Directors.

#1:

Do not screw with Director Sol.

The last guy that did?

I spent an entire month scraping him off the ceiling.

If you have to go out of your way to keep him happy, do it, because nobody is coming to get you if you piss him off.

#2:

Okay, Mergers and Acquisition? Yeah, stay far, far away from there, unless you want to end up spliced with an octopus. Yeah, the Mergers part is literal, Acquisition is just whoever they end up poaching for the day.

Sidenote, do you know how hard it is to move around with tentacles?! REALLY DIFFICULT!

#3:

The Cafeteria is the only safe place in the entire building.

For the love of god, don't try to start fights in there. The employees might just kill you themselves to save you from Chef Maw turning you into tomorrow's lunch special.

#4:

Director Rudde is a stone cold bitch, and also the only Director in here you can trust.

Trust to manipulate you to her own ends, that is.

She isn't like the others in that she'll kill you for the sake of killing you because you pissed her off, but she'll kill you if you knowingly get in her way.

Not herself of course, she has people for that, but she won't go out of her way to be a dick like the others.

#5:

Speaking of trust, don't.

Not in here.

I know that you'll find friends, and people you might want to call friends, and that's fine, but don't trust. Never, not that.

Friendship's a word, trust is a very convenient chain for people stronger than you to tug on. Be careful with it, and don't give it out without some serious forethought.

#6:

Sub-Division 19-A, strictly, does not exist.

I don't know how.

I don't know why.

But nobody in here knows what it is.

I'm the only one here. There's one office.

It's not on any listings.

None of the directors know about it.

The assignment just popped up on desk one day, and now I'm here.

What I'm saying is, if you ever need to hide, do it here.

#7:

Never, ever, ever go into any of the doors on floor 1-A-13-B.

Never, you get me? Never.

#8:

Make absolutely certain that you file everything correctly. If you don't, you'll have the Librarian on your case, and she doesn't stop.

There's a cheat sheet in the cabinet below the one you found this in.

#9:

When asked what company you work for, you say Listings and Filing Corp MD-1A, and then drop it. Don't ever say another word about it. Cut off your own goddamn tongue if you have to.

And for the love of god, never ask why.

#10:

Don't be vulnerable, but don't be standoffish.

Don't be dickish, but don't be too friendly.

Don't try to tough it out by yourself, but don't try for as many people as possible.

This place is a tightrope slicked with burning fucking gasoline, and you have to walk that line really precisely, or the it'll swallow you whole.

That's all I can give you. Be careful.

Employee No. 17, Sub-Department No. 19-A, Major-Department No. 19, Listings and Filing Corp.

Prompt 2149

Write a short manual on the worst ways to make a first impression.

[detachedminxsfics]

A Broad History

Characters: Negan x Ex-Saviour F!Reader

Summary: When the sanctuary and Negan fell at the hands of Rick you fell out of touch with Negan, going many years without one word. But the council brings you together again for a supply run.

Word count: 3.5K+

Warnings: NSFW - Mentions of sexual encounters, implied subtle power play dynamic, angst & fluff, xtra DILFy S10 Negan, decent use of the word fuck because comic accurate Negan *chefs kiss*

A/N: Sorry it has taken me so long to upload a new oneshot!! I fell into a writer's block that lead to 3 unfinished Negan pieces, but managed to finish this one on a whim. Enjoy! :)

There would have been no way of you ever anticipating the words that just came out of Gabriel's mouth, let alone something like this propelled by the council.

"The council has suggested you and Negan make a supply run not too far out. We've scouted the area before and you shouldn't run into too much trouble."

You stared at him like a deer in headlights, and he picked up on your ambivalence immediately.

"We figured given your...previous history, it'd be a good idea tactically."

That much was true, you and Negan had a broad history. If Simon was Negan's right hand man you were his right hand woman. You pushed yourself, always picking up the extra work and inevitably landing in Negan's line of sight. You found a way into the inner circle, sat in on meetings more and more frequently, and eventually, Negan's bed. It was a controversial relationship to say the least. Negan had forbade adultery for his many wives, but excluded himself from this principle. You weren't a wife, and you never would be. You were by his side at the fall of the saviours, held back when Rick slashed his throat open. Every part of you burned to help him and put a stop to it. But you couldn't, and so you grieved. You hadn't spoken to him since that day. No cell visits, no small conversation even in spite of him leaving his cell more often now to carry out various tasks of menial labour, nothing. When he'd be working on a structure by the street hammering a nail into one of the wood beams, he'd look at you. You knew it, you could feel it. His stare was fixed on you, eyes burning holes into the back of your head everytime you had to pass him.

"Fine, but I want this shit to be accredited. People need to stop giving me hell just because we used to be together, I'm tired of it. I've busted my ass for this place and I'd do it again. So I don't want to feel like a criminal anymore."

Gabriel nodded in sincere acknowledgment.

"That's fair enough. We've packed bags with supplies for you both, just come and collect them when you're ready. Be safe."

Footsteps fell along the road as you headed towards the location that had been drawn on a map for you both, walking silently beside one another as you dared not say a thing. To say that this was strange was an understatement. You'd barely left Alexandria at this point, and yet you could see Negan fighting the urge not to speak in your peripheral. You could cut a knife through this tension, and Negan was readily equipped.

"This gig could be anywhere between 2 or 4 days long depending on how fast we move, you really not gonna speak to me that entire time?"

The sigh that left your lips blew cool clouds of air in front of your face due to the chilly atmosphere, and you stopped in your tracks, eyes squeezed shut as you gathered what you were trying to say. When you opened them he was standing right in front of you, staring attentively as your lips parted to speak.

"It's been what, 8 years? What am I even supposed to say to you Negan?"

He raised his brows in that condescending surprise type of way, and scoffed.

"Ohh I don't know, maybe you could start with why you cut me off the moment Sanctuary fell? Why you couldn't even be bothered to come visit me while I was locked behind steel bars?" His voice raised ever so slightly, an assertive tone as he scolded you for your supposed negligence.

You furrowed your brows and composed yourself, this wasn't the right time or place. The sun would go down before you know it, and you were both standing right out in the middle of the road. Got to keep moving.

"Negan listen, we can't do this right now, okay? We have a job to do. So let's start trekking through the woods and find somewhere to hole up before it gets dark. If you've got my back, I've got yours."

It was as reasonable an offer as you could make, his eyes softening a little at your de facto approach.

"Alright, I got you."

Awkwardly you stood a little longer, exchanging glances and a brief nod with the newly established compromise. Then you headed into the woods, and the journey was afoot. Navigating through the forest was a little harder, but it was better than being right out in plain sight on a main road. A walker or two would jump out occasionally, and you'd deal with them accordingly. Apart from this time. Negan drove his blade through the first walker whilst you pushed your knife into the head of the second, about to pull it out and retrieve your weapon when an unaccounted for third jumped you. Subsequently you let go of the walker you'd just killed, and it fell to the ground with your knife lodged inside of its head. You'd had no time to retrieve it, and this undead asshole was shoving against you hard. You held your hands against it in an attempt to stop it from getting any closer and tried to ground the sole of your shoes into the forest floor below you. But you were sliding, your back eventually colliding with the tree you'd been backed into.

"Negan!" Your yell was strained and panicked, more of a plead than you would have liked. But this thing was leaning in, closer and closer to gnashing your face off.

Relief washed over you as its groans and biting motion ceased, Negan having shoved his blade into its decayed head and ripped it out afterwards, and you pushed it to the ground. You bent over and placed your hand on your knees to catch your breath, that was close. Through your attempt to gain control of your irregular breathing you'd barely felt the hands that lifted you upright before they slid up to your face and rested on your rosy cheeks, holding your face in his hands.

"Hey hey, you okay?"

Flashback//

Gunfire sounded off in the distance as you and Negan headed through the woods. It had all gone wrong, a total mess. We'd underestimated the vast resources of the new community Negan had planned to hit, and we were paying the price. Saviours and the community's people alike were dead, and what was left of us would have to fight or retreat our way back to the Sanctuary. When the shit hit the fan you'd made your way out with Negan, unsure who else was worth going with. You didn't know each other awfully well, but you were all the two of you had until you reached the location Negan had told you that he'd arranged to be picked up nearby. He was lucky to have been able to radio back to Sanctuary and ask that someone come out here to collect him.

"You okay back there?"

Even trailing behind him he must have heard the subtle way you held your breath as you braved through the pain scorching through your right leg. One of those assholes had managed to slash you before you dropped him, got you right in the thigh. You'd ripped off some of the bottom of your shirt to create a makeshift bandage and tie around the top of your thigh to slow the bleed, but it was only a matter of time with a wound like this.

"One of those bastards got me, gashed my damn thigh."

Negan stopped and turned to face you, and so you did the same.

"Let me take a look."

He made his way over to you and lowered down to the ground with bent knees and a groan, now eye level with your nasty wound. He'd tucked Lucille under his arm in order to use both hands, the barbed wire quietly grinding against the material of his black leather jacket. The fabric around your wound had been ripped slightly allowing him to place his hands either side of your leg and take a close look at it causing you to hiss as the leather of his gloves brushed against your skin.

"Shit!"

"Sorry, that is one nasty cut you got there pretty girl."

Distracted by the pain you decided to gloss over the fact that he'd called you pretty and shifted your weight on your left leg. After taking a look he leant back up, using his hand to pull Lucille from the crook of his arm and wield her again.

"Let's keep moving, get back to the Sanctuary and I'll take you to doc. Hell, hopefully we run into some of the others."

You nodded and began limping behind him again after he continued his stroll, it couldn't be much longer now. Not long after the rustle of leaves caught your attention, a sound far too distanced to be your own or Negan's, and your hand smoothed over the pistol holstered onto your side. That was when it happened. One of the community's people leapt out of the trees with a machete in hand, and it was headed straight for Negan. He hadn't heard the noise as well as you had, and it was too late for him to react now. Instinctively, you whipped the pistol from your holster and fired, landing a clean shot into the side of the dude's head. He fell to the ground with machete raised still in hand, the blade having hovered just over Negan's face. When he hit the ground with a thud Negan let out an adrenaline induced laugh, turning to you with one hell of a smile.

"Holyy crap, you're a damn good shot."

With a smile of thrill still playing on his lips he made his way back over to you, this time tucking Lucille under his arm and nudging himself against your side. He took hold of your wrist in order to lift your arm and sling it around his neck. His free hand wrapped around your waist to support you whilst the other took hold of his precious baseball bat once again. He'd shifted the weight off of your leg now, and you sighed in relief at the dissipation of pressure.

"Thanks." Negan muttered now, a little more serious than he had just been prior.

"Don't mention it." You replied, sparing a glance to turn your head and look at him.

He turned to face you then too.

"You're a damn firecracker, I can tell. Me and you are gon' get on real well."

Negan smiled after that, less of a wide smile and more of a smirk. You could've sworn his sight was flickering between your eyes and your lips.

\\Present

"You still with us?" Negan said with a hint of playfulness, and you nodded in response.

"Yeah sorry just, thinking."

He narrowed his eyes a little curious and confused, but brushed it off. His thumbs had been smoothing over your cheeks as he held you when you trailed off causing him to slowly take his hands away from your face, now giving you the space you needed to stand straight and begin walking again.

"C'mon, lets keep moving."

He didn't follow after you immediately, maybe he was thinking too.

The sky had began to darken, the sun in its gradual descend when you finally stumbled across a cabin. You thanked some sort of high power in your mind the moment you caught sight of it, and then you and Negan made your way inside. Cautiously, you both began making your way around the cosy cabin, nudging open the doors of rooms and checking for any signs of life, especially the rotting ones. When neither of you found anything you began to settle in for the night. With some of your things now unpacked and the bags in their allocated locations Negan had began preparing dinner. Amazingly enough this place had a fireplace that he was able to use to cook the rabbit you'd found and killed on the way. It wasn't much, but the rations you had been given from Alexandria wouldn't last long, and you needed to conserve them for as long as possible. Wordlessly, Negan had cooked and passed you your portion of food. You hadn't said much since he tried to interrogate you after you left Alexandria. However now you were sat down, slumped down in the armchairs either side of the fireplace and directly opposite one another. You'd tried to focus on your food, but you couldn't keep looking down into your lap. Occasionally, your eyes would flicker up to meet his and betray you, and after the approximately fifth time Negan broke the silence.

"You know I thought about her a lot down there, Lucille."

You did your best not to let your eyes widen too far, feeling like your eyes might pop out of their sockets. Negan had opened up to you about his one and true wife once, and you were sure that would be all you were ever gonna get. You wouldn't pressure him to share any more, and he never spoke of her again, until now.

"She loved me even when I was a mess, when I was a total asshole screwing around on her. She was everything to me, and when she...I knew I would never feel love like that again. Then I met you."

You finally looked up to meet his eye, and if it were physically capable your skin would be stark white with sheer shock.

"So when they put me in that cell, let me watch everybody thrive and move on exactly as Rick wanted, I never expected you to be one of those people. Maybe, that you would at least look at me. Be the one person that didn't wanna cave my skull in for doing something and being somebody that they weren't even there for."

You swallowed in order to clear your mouth of food and spoke, almost cutting him off in the process.

"I never stopped loving you Negan, you kept me up at night. I laid awake thinking about you, lost sleep over you. But I, I don't know how to explain it. It felt like you were dead, and I was grieving the loss of you, but you were still alive. And when too much time had passed I didn't know what to do anymore, thought maybe you would've hated me."

"That's bullshit and you know it." Though the words seemed harsh he said and intended for them to be soft, a half smile as he meant for you to know that you were stupid for ever thinking that for one second he could hate you.

You smiled a little at the sight of his total refusal to ever truly despise you, and at him for crushing the doubt in your mind that he had ever felt that way towards you whilst down there.

"You remember what I said to you, after the first time we-" Negan whistled at the end of his sentence to signify the first time you two had screwed, and you laughed.

Flashback//

The leather of Negan's sofa creaked beneath you as you periodically leant forward and retrieved another empty mag, loaded it, and then put it down into the impromptu pile you'd made. Negan had insisted that he had something to speak to you about, from his bedroom of all places, and you promptly reminded him that you had work to do. So you brought your work with you and Negan was sat beside you, watching you.

"Hey." Though he'd spoke clearly enough you were so invested in your task that you'd barely heard him, leading him to grab your wrist and force you to halt what you were doing.

"Hey, jeez girl slow down for a minute, can I talk to you or not?"

He'd startled you a little by taking sudden hold of you, but you decided the work would have to wait.

"Fine."

You put the mag you'd been loading back down onto the glass coffee table before turning to face him. In order to be more comfortable you'd lifted both of your legs onto the sofa, resting your bent knees atop his regularly straightened out legs, his shoes brushing against the carpeted rug down on the floor. This sitting position made the two of you rather close, but you tried not to think too much of it. Sometimes when you were both working through things in the meeting room Negan would pull up a chair and sit directly beside you so that you could talk easier, and you'd swing your legs up to rest across his lap. You were both so used to it now.

"So, what's up?"

"Look, I may be getting ahead of myself here, but you're just so fucking hot. You're an awesome shot, you're smart, and you've got some massive nuts for a lady. And if you'd like, I'd love to fuck you. Serious or not, I'm down."

It was so forward, more forward than anyone had ever been with you, and at first you weren't sure how to react.

"You'd really be okay with strings attached?"

To say that you had never had even the smallest feelings for Negan would be a total lie, it was bound to happen. But when it had you'd crushed it in fear that it would end badly for the both of you. Negan had rules, and offending him too greatly could've cost you your position.

"Cross my heart baby." He uttered those words with an assuring and most sickly self-satisfied grin, nonchalantly running his tongue across the bottom of his top teeth with slightly parted lips.

That had been enough for you, and you leaned forward smashing your lips against his. For some of your intimacy you spent it on the sofa, sitting on his lap in nothing but panties as you ran your hands down his bare chest, and he smoothed over your lower back. Then you'd moved over to the bed, suppressing the most foul of whimpers as he ground into you for what felt like hours. When you both finally had enough you were laying beside him pressed into his side, head rested against his chest as his arm was wrapped around you in order to pull you closer.

"Look at me." Negan murmured softly, prompting you to look up at him, chin still resting against his chest. He reached his hand over and gently took hold of your chin, lifting your head in order to get a better look at you. He wanted your full undivided attention.

"For as long as this shithole world spins, I will never stop loving you. So long as I can continue to count on you I won't ever abandon you, and you belong to me. Okay?"

And there he went again, speaking without the slightest filter. His words overwhelmed you, and it was powerful. There was nothing but the utmost genuinity in his gaze.

"Okay, likewise."

Negan throatily chuckled as you flashed a mischievous smile, obviously implying that that made him yours too.

"That's my girl."

Using the hold on your chin he brought your lips towards his and leaned down to close the gap, pressing them against yours. When he'd initially called you in it had been late at night with a pitch black star-filled sky, but it was dawn now. Sunlight breached through the small window at the top of the wall furthest from the bed, and the beams shone down into the room.

//Present

"Of course I do, I'll never forget it."

"Well that still stands." Negan blinked slowly as his jaw tensed, anticipating your response.

Instead of verbalising one you set your food aside and slowly stood to your feet, taking hesitant steps across the space between you until you reached him settled down in his chair. You lifted your leg and set your foot down on the arm of his chair, shifting full weight onto one side and placing both of your hands on the top of the armchair. With the newly founded stability you hoisted yourself up and then down onto his lap, lowering yourself as gently as you could in order to not land down onto his lap too hard. When you were finally sitting on him he brushed his hands up and over to take hold of your hips, either subconsciously or purposefully, your hands still propped either side of his head as you were leaned in considerably close.

"For as long as this fucked up world spins, I will never stop loving you. So long as I can continue to count on you, I won't ever abandon you, and you're mine. Alright?"

A sly smile formed on Negan's lips as you renewed your unofficial vows, his eyes narrowed in that way he used to when he found something you were doing attractive.

"Yes ma'am, now c'mere."

And so you did, his lips moved against yours, and the feeling was unlike anything you'd felt these past few years. It was like a hole had been filled, like you were only half a person before. The sun had began to rise, breaching through the window on one side of the cabin, and it was just like the first time again. The council needed somebody to look after Negan, someone who wouldn't just let him die out of pure spite and risk a whole supply run. And they got that, but worse. They'd rekindled your love for one another.

[poptod]

Hi there, how are you? ☺ Hope you are doing well!

May I request something with Ahkmenrah x shy fem reader(a new exhibit for WW2 like a American spy or something) who are best friends with secret crushes on each other that never acted on their feelings yet. It's Christmas at the museum and everyone was indoors celebrating or attempting baking cookies with Larry's supervision. However, Ahkmenrah can't find the reader then looked around outside which was heavily snowing until something hits him in the back. At first he was going to rain down hell upon who threw snow at him before seeing the reader looking like a deer in head lights trying not to giggle. A snow ball fight ensues(doesn't matter who wins). After the battle could result in a fluffy confession and semi smut or warming up smut(your choice).

Pretty please and thank you so much for taking the time to read this! 💖

notes: idk whats wrong with me but i did NOT fully read this request and i am so sorry so here are the major changes: the reader is a jewish nightguard and is pretty outgoing, and the snowball fight circumstances are a little different but hopefully you still like it!! again im so sorry WC: 3k

+

You watched in an already flushed expression, your hand sprawled out across your nose and mouth as you tried not to burst out laughing. Ahkmenrah was in a similar state, and ever one for theatrics, watched on as a menagerie of exhibits attempted to understand a microwave. There must've been at least twenty people crowded around Larry, each listening intently as he repeated himself for the third time.

"Back in my day," Ahk interrupted, holding up a dainty finger that accentuated his accent, "we used to bake things using an oven."

"Yes, well –" Larry began to say, but was promptly interrupted by the primitive hominids hooting.

You watched as the energy drained from his face, turning him into the perfect image of a southern viscacha, a transition that burst giggles from your chest. Ahk glanced to you, grinning when he noticed your reaction.

"He's right," said Sacagawea. "This would be easier with a fire. I've done it many times before."

"We are not starting a fire in the breakroom," Larry shouted, finally calming the cavemen. "McPhee would never forgive me."

"Well it's too cold to do outside," you said.

"(Y/N)," he turned to you, pointing a vindictive finger your way, "you are not helping."

"I don't think a microwave's gonna bake cookies for you, babe," you said with an easy shrug. Ahk's eyes burned your cheek as you looked forward to Larry. "An' I don't own one of those little convection ovens. Don't think you do, either."

"Food is the only damn thing that connects every culture. No one wants to – to dress up Christmas trees or light menorahs, they want to eat. It's cold and everyone's hungry!"

"Your point?" You raised a single brow. "Just go to the store and buy one of those cookie icing kits or something."

Larry let out a curt sigh, resting his hands on his hips.

"It's Christmas Eve. I don't think anywhere's open."

"It's fucking New York City, at least the Middle eastern markets are open. That's where I go, they're always open on these Christian holidays."

"Fine." He shoved his phone into his pocket. "But you're in charge while I'm gone."

He left in two quick strides, slamming the door behind him, and leaving a deathly silent room. Nearly everyone stared at the pale blue door for several seconds before moving or speaking.

"Sacagawea, you're in charge," you said, kicking your legs off the coffee table and waltzing out the door.

"Oh," she said quietly, chuckling at your mannerisms.

As you reached behind you to close the door, you caught one more glance of Ahk's yearning puppy-eyes on you.

You passed by a number of wax animals as you made your way to the front entrance, fumbling with the door key in your pocket. Most of the birds and monkeys recognized you by now, but the lions were still suspicious, so you kept several paces away from their makeshift nest near the globe. Otherwise your interactions were scant, as most of the language-speaking exhibits were gathered in more 'intelligent' social circles.

Outside, the warm lanterns of the museum vanished into the black sky, becoming little more than starlight that couldn't make it all the way through the cloud cover. Cars and people still waltzing up and down the streets filled the air, from the murmurs of lovers strolling the nearby Central park, to car wheels rolling over dirty snow.

A deep, long breath flooded your body with the crisp scent of snow. You surveyed the passing groups before jogging down the steps, and crossing the road the moment a space in the traffic allowed you to. You adored your job in the museum, but it was exhausting being around people, especially since you originally wanted the job to have quiet, uneventful nights. Part of you still desired that peace, but a greater part now craved the mystic unknown of Egyptian magic and the life in history. That being said, you weren't payed nearly as much as you were owed.

Snow had piled upon the treetops of central park, allowing golden reflections from the streetlamps lining the brick pathways. Since you didn't dare stray from the museum too far or too long, you remained within the arches, staring at the stone figures that were left in the park. You were only drawn out of your trance by the telltale sound of the doors of the museum swinging open across the empty street.

Whipping around, you found a man trailed by a golden cape––Ahkmenrah––scanning the street in front of him in search of something. A wicked idea crawled its' way into your mind, and a smirk stretched across your face before you darted further into the park, calling his name to draw him in without having ever seen you.

Through the thick tree cover, you spotted his golden crown crossing the road and wandering into the park. His pace slowed as the shadows overcame him, and he continued to look every which way, searching for whomever had said his name.

You knelt down to the frigid earth, digging your bare fingers into the layers of snow and pulling a chunk out. Biting back a chuckle, you formed the snow into a firm ball, readying to throw it with a single hand.

The second the back of Ahk's head came into sight, you launched it, watching the white snow careen forward and burst on Ahk's golden crown. He let out a yelp as bits of snow fell into his clothes, melting down his back and through his cape. This time you couldn't help yourself, and you burst out laughing, falling backwards into the snow with your hands clenching your midsection.

"(Y/N)!" He yelled, shock clear in his open mouth as he whipped around. "What in Hathor's name was that?!"

"It's called snow, babe," you laughed loudly, ignoring the couples who stared dubiously at the pair of you yelling at each other from across the park.

He tried to stammer out some sort of reply, his cheeks flushed red, a pause which allowed you to hurtle yet another ball of snow right into his face. The shocked look in his eyes was almost enough to make you feel bad, especially since he wasn't wearing an actual shirt. Fortunately, the feeling soon fled your body as another snowball was crafted, this time by him, and crash-landed onto your exposed neck.

An electrified gasp spluttered from your mouth as ice fell down your shirt. Ahkmenrah looked similarly surprised, and attempted to stutter out an apology.

"I did – I didn't mean to –"

"Oh, you're gettin' it now, pretty boy," you said in a growl, swooping up another handful of snow.

"You think I'm pretty?"

You didn't get to respond, as you cut him off with another snowball landing smack in the middle of Ahk's face. This time he didn't flinch, instead curdling his features into a dissatisfied frown.

While you laughed, he started off in a run towards you, picking up snow as he moved.

"You."

A tiny bit of snow was launched at you, and you shrieked as you tried to ru]\ away.

"Are."

Snowball.

"So."

More snow.

"Mean!"

A full snowball hit the back of your neck, allowing ice to slip back down your shirt.

"Ahhh okay I'm sorry!" You managed to yelp out as you sprinted through the dimly lit park, ignoring the path in favor of winding between the black and white oak trees.

You did your very best to throw a snowball back at him, but you were pretty sure you missed; you didn't have the wherewithal to aim or check. He let out a mangled shout as he brushed the snow off his face.

"That's not the behavior of someone who's sorry!!"

Before you knew it, he caught up with you, running his weight into yours to push the both of you into the thick, fluffy snow. The two of you left a deep imprint where your bodies fell entwined. While you tried to regain control of your limbs in a flushed haze, Ahk swung his legs over your hips. As he pinned you down by one of your shoulders, he used his other hand to shovel snow onto you, grinning as you laughed and giggled, trying to kick away from him.

"How dare you attack your Pharaoh?" He asked through a smile, now attempting to crawl his frigid fingers up your shirt. An involuntary, high-pitched giggle sprung from you.

"Ah!"

You tried to shove him away with your hands, but your arms were much too numb to be strong enough. All it did was convince Ahk to tuck your hands beneath his thighs––right beneath his ass, without as little as a thin skirt to separate you.

"Okay, okay! Take mercy on me, I'm sorry!" You laughed, shaking your head.

At long last he stopped burying you in the snow, instead placing his hands on either side of your head and leaning in.

"Say it like you mean it," he murmured through soft pants, looking as though he was referring to something else––something besides an apology. You had little to offer but that.

Despite being outside in the snow for a good while, it was only now that your breath froze.

"I'm sorry, Ahk," you said sincerely, though you continued to smile.

"Are you sorry for leaving me alone in the museum, too? With all those maniacs?"

You belted out a laugh, tilting your head back and exposing your neck.

"Aww, did I hurt you?" You asked a little too sweetly, pouting out your bottom lip as you slid your hand out from underneath him, letting your palm glide over his heated skin.

"I missed you terribly," he said, whispering the last word, and searching your eyes with a strange fervor you hadn't noticed before. It held you still for once, enraptured in a wonder.

"Maybe I wanted to lure you outside," you said slowly as a grin slinked across your blushing lips.

"And why would you do that?" He asked, narrowing his eyes.

"A little alone time," you murmured.

Above the treetops, a flurry of snowflakes had been falling, but the tangled branches protected you from most of it. When a stiff breeze blew through the twigs, though, pillows of snow fell through the trees and onto you, immediately muting your conversation.

You burst out laughing at the sight of Ahkmenrah still holding himself above you, protecting you from a mountain's worth of snow. His eyes were clenched shut, and his nose screwed up, accentuating the blush in his cheeks. For some reason, he stayed still, letting you laugh at him and brush the flakes off his cheekbones before he ever spoke or shifted.

"I hope you won't mind me shaking this off," he said flatly.

"Not at all, babe."

By the time you got back, the snow caked onto your clothes had melted, turning the wind into a miserably bitter source of the cold. The warm lights of the museum called you back in, and you jogged up the tall staircases with Ahk trailing behind you.

He caught up to you by the time you slipped in the door. Wordlessly, you locked the door once he was inside, and the two of you shivered as you made your way into the breakroom.

Quiet conversations warmed the usually impersonal room, allowing you to relax with a deep sigh into the couch. Ahk took a seat on the other side of the couch, planting his feet neatly on the floor, with his hands folded in his lap. When he didn't speak, you popped one of your eyes open to stare at him.

"I thought you didn't get cold," you said, keeping your voice low to fit the breakroom's energy.

"I'm probably the only one that can," he said in similar quietude, scanning the room as he bounced his knee at a rapid pace.

You watched him for a moment more before jumping up, making the small journey over to the heater, and dragging it back over to the couch.

"Warm ye ducks," you said as you sat back down.

"Warm.. what?"

"It's from a movie," you chuckled, waving a dismissive hand. "I'll show you later."

"Ah."

He glanced at you several times, seemingly gauging you before he awkwardly scooted closer to you and the heater. A chuckle rose in the back of your throat, but you pushed it away, instead waiting to see if he'd come any closer on his own. He didn't, though you could tell he wanted to, so you tucked your arm beneath his, pulling him over and hugging his upper arm to your chest. His posture stiffened immensely, but you still managed to rest your head on his shoulder.

"I'm gonna be sore in the morning," you mumbled, fighting a yawn.

Any touch from him kindled a fire in your heart, and heat always tended to tire you, bringing you to melt against him.

"If you're still sore by the evening, I can help massage you," he offered softly.

You could feel the breath of his words on your hair; his chin brushing over the top of your head.

"I –"

The door beside you burst open, revealing Larry with his arms full of plastic bags. Another ruined chance. You stood near immediately, on pure impulse, to help him carry the bags to the counter. Ahk soon stood with you, and by the time you reached the table just about everyone had a plastic bag in hand. You were the first to peek inside.

"You found the blank cookies to ice!" You cried, grinning brightly.

"Yeah, not for us," he was quick to say, unpacking the bags in his hold. "The stores were pretty much all clean out of any good stuff, but the Safeway has this dumpster out back –"

"Oh Larry, what the fuck?" You said as you dropped the cookie box.

You took a step back, as well, and bumped into Ahk, who raised his hands up to steady you. Somehow, they were burning hot against your skin.

"I said they're not for us! They're for these guys, they don't have digestive systems," Larry said, gesturing rather harshly in the direction of Teddy, Sacagawea, and the three hominids.

The hominids didn't seem to mind what he'd said, considering they couldn't fully understand him, but Teddy and Sacagawea looked a little offended.

"Did you get anything for people with digestive systems, then?"

He pulled a clear, plastic container out of one of the bags.

"Baklava," he said with a smile.

You covered your face with your hands, disguising the laughter wracking your shoulders as tears.

"Jesus Christ, Larry."

While you and Larry evenly split the baklava, Ahkmenrah wandered over to the table, where the cookies had been laid out with various colors of icing. Teddy was showing Sacagawea what to do, while most of the cavemen were simply dipping the pale cookies into the icing. You chuckled as you watched them, but Ahk seemed less amused. He returned to you with uncertainty.

"Do you think bad food will affect me?" He asked, staring at the table of cookies.

"Do you still have a digestive system?"

"... well yes," he said with a frown. "But most of my organs are stored inside some jars..." he touched his stomach, "I think."

You and Larry gave each other odd looks.

"Just to stay on the safe side, why don't you share some of this with me?" You offered, gently pushing the baklava on the coffee table closer to him.

"What is it?"

"Baklava," you said, wiping your mouth. "Invented by Assyrians in 800 BC."

"How do you know that?" Larry asked.

"I read about it online. Here, try it."

You stabbed a bite onto your fork and held it up for him, watching as he hesitantly leaned forward and closed his lips around it. His eyes widened and your smile turned into a grin.

"That is – good."

"Yeah," you chuckled. "Not very winter-y, though."

An hour later, you were curled back into Ahk's side, cradling a cheap mug of hot chocolate in your lap. A blanket had been spread out across both your legs, and Ahk protected himself from the steaming mug by keeping it above the blanket. While Larry tried to keep the exhibits from making a mess with the icing, you and Ahk watched on in quiet amusement, safe from the hectic yelling.

"I had my doubts about this drink, when you said its' name," he said quietly, staring down into the dark liquid.

"It's not a particularly appetizing name," you said with a chuckle, "but I don't think you had chocolate in Egypt."

"No. I remember when I learned the word at Cambridge, I spent two and a half months pronouncing it incorrectly."

You burst out laughing, hiding your face in his shoulder.

"Of course you did."

His chin nudged your forehead before resting atop your head. A moment of silence passed between you, and through it, you felt his heartbeat thrumming heat across his skin.

There was nothing you wanted to say, nothing that came to mind other than the warmth in your shaky hands and your pounding heart. Sometimes there is no need for words, even if you yearn for them––so you stayed quiet, wondering what he was thinking as he wondered and wished you would speak. Part of him imagined he already knew what you'd say, but he would never know for sure.

In the morning you would lay him to rest and the warm glow of nighttime would end. Before he could let that happen, he needed something from you; something he had difficulty voicing. Such happiness bloomed in his chest that it grew too sweet and sappy, like a crystallized honey dripping over with his affections, sealing his thoughts into a slow sludge.

"(Y/N)?" He asked, almost too quiet to be heard over the other conversations in the room.

You craned your neck to look up at him, and hummed your confirmation.

"I don't want to leave you in the morn," he said, puzzled by his own emotions.

"I'll be here tomorrow evening," you said, chuckling softly.

But will it be the same? Would the hours amount to the same love, to the same adoration for one another that thrummed between you now?

"I suppose so," he mumbled, pressing a gentle kiss to your head.

I love you.

[xbadgerbearx]

your people will have our help

word count: 2.1k

Can’t Sleep: [1] … [3]

Of course you had to jump out of the aircraft into the cold water. What a perfect way to start the mission. Your team swam for a bit before wading through the shore as you approached the beach.

"Congratulations, Bloodsport."

"How'd you do it, Waller? There's no soldiers out here on patrol at all."

The beach was completely empty. There were no disturbances and more importantly, no enemies anywhere to be found. It was... peaceful.

"Let's just say they were distracted."

You only walked on the sand a couple feet before a large explosion erupted.

"Control, we have a disturbance south of here," Bloodsport reported after you jumped in surprise.

"It's just a diversion, Bloodsport."

Bloodsport seemed to weigh his options before speaking, "All right, we cut through the jungle to get to Valle Del Mar."

"Don't they have blockades at the city limits?" Peacemaker interjected.

"That's the word."

"How we getting in? Especially with Charlie the Tuna here," Peacemaker said while looking back at King Shark.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"You're the leader. You're supposed to be decisive."

"And I've decided you should eat a big bag of dicks, how's that?"

"You're being facetious, but if this whole beach was completely covered in dicks and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say no problemo."

"Why would someone put penises all over the beach?" Ratcatcher II asked.

"Who knows why madmen do what they do."

"Chris, this is the second time you've made a comment like this today. Is there something you want to tell us?" You joked.

"Well, you know what I think?" Bloodsport started. "I think liberty is just your excuse to do whatever you want. Whether that's to eat a beach full of dicks or killin' folk."

"Oh, yeah? At least I don't kill men for money like you."

"Oh, here we go," Bloodsport sighed as he turned to face Peacemaker.

"There's something wrong with your skin," Ratcatcher II called out as she pointed to Polka Dot Man. You turned to see his face covered in bulging colorful... polka dots.

"It's just a rash."

"Oh, my- Abner, are you okay? You don't look so good," you said worriedly as you reached your hand out to touch him. You were interrupted by another loud explosion off in the distance.

"Never mind that, we need to continue forward."

You made it quite the distance before Bloodsport dropped his bag onto the ground. The entire time walking you watched Abner with both curiosity and worry.

"Alright, we'll camp here, and tomorrow we'll go straight through the city to get to La Gatita Amable by nightfall."

Everyone was laying out their sleeping equipment, in this case sleeping bags, as you figured out where you should lay yours.

"Why don't you lay over here, (L/n)? I could keep you warm," Chris offered with a laugh.

"Fuck no," you replied with the same humorous energy. "I'd rather you not roll over on me like you did last time."

"Last time?" Abner piped up timidly.

"It's nothing like that," you assured while rolling your eyes. "Me, Chris, and some of our other teammates at the time had to huddle up for warmth after Waller sent us on a mission somewhere in Siberia."

"Oh," Abner said, kind of relieved.

"I'll just put mine here," you placed your bag next to Abner's and DuBois. "It's near the fire."

You changed into your sleep clothes. Well, to be honest you just took off your shirt and slept in your tank top, but it was close enough. It wasn't long before you drifted off, however, you awoke some time later to some shuffling sounds and a quiet groan. Peeking under your lashes, you find yourself facing toward DuBois who was resting on his elbow, alert. You quietly sat up and turned to see what DuBois was looking at. A colorful light show was dancing on the leaves and tall grass. Almost as quickly as it happened, Abner appeared. He looked a little out of it, but quickly dawned a look of shock as he was caught doing... what exactly?

You got up to make sure your favorite awkward man was doing okay before you were cut off by a loud bang! Instinctively, you disappeared. Literally. DuBois kept shooting Nanaue until he was backed up against a tree.

"How deep of a sleeper are you?" DuBois asked Cleo, to which she responded sleepily, "I was having the most wonderful dream."

"If it was you about to be eaten by King Shark, then you're psychic," Chris said.

"I don't believe he would do that. He has very kind eyes."

Sebastian was saying what you could only guess was that Nanaue was, in fact, going to eat her.

"Hungry," Nanaue whined.

"You bastard!"

Rats from every direction emerged from the darkness as Cleo held up her glowing device. DuBois was looking rather uncomfortable.

"All right, calm down with the rats!" he yelled.

"What?"

"I have a thing with rats."

"You have a thing with rats?"

"Yes."

"And you're on a team with someone who controls them?" your disembodied voice asked.

He whipped around trying to find you before yelling, "What the fuck?"

As if suddenly remembering that you cannot be seen, you revealed yourself behind Abner whom you were using as a shield. As cute as he thought it was that you were using him as protection, it did startle him that you just appeared randomly behind him.

"Partnering up with someone with rats is not something I asked for!"

Peacemaker started laughing.

"What are you laughing at me for, man? Why the fuck are you in your underwear?"

You looked over and sure enough, Chris was in nothing but his underwear.

"Woah!" you yelled while burying your face into Abner's back. "Chris, put on some pants for fucks sake!"

"Tighty-whities? Really?"

"Now that's just racist."

"No, it's not racist! They're tighty-whities!"

"You didn't tell me you had a fear of rats, DuBois," Waller said over the comms.

"I'm an assassin! Why would I share my liabilities?" This was promptly followed by an uncharacteristicly girly scream.

"Aww, he's offering you a pretty leaf to show you he means no harm," Cleo cooed.

"Why the fuck would I want a leaf?"

DuBois was getting increasingly more freaked out while Chris started laughing again.

"Just get the rats out of here!"

Cleo turned off her device and all the rats scurried back into the jungle.

Peacemaker turned to DuBois and asked, "Hey, we gonna kill Megalodouche now, or what?"

"Nanaue's the strongest member of your team. You need him to get into Jotunheim."

"Yeah, well we can't function as a team if we gotta watch our back from one of our own eatin' our bollocks," Bloodsport replied.

"Nanaue," Cleo started as she kneeled down to his height. "Would you eat your friends?"

"I no friends."

"You have no friends? Well, if you did, would you eat them?"

Chris answered with a "yes" before he was shot a look from Ratcatcher II.

"No?"

"Then can we be your friends?"

Chris scoffed, "Come on, he's obviously lying."

"If I die 'cause I gambled on love, it will be a worthy death."

DuBois shook his head, "You are a little idiot."

So much for a full rest. It was nearly morning by the time the shark incident was resolved, so you decided to just pack up and dress yourself.

"Task Force X, you have an additional mission directive. We've located Colonel Rick Flag. He's been taken by the enemy."

"Rick Flag?" DuBois asked while your team made your way through the jungle.

"I know, you both served on special forces in Qurac that took down Avral Kaddam. Flag was the one who initially recommended you."

"You had other operatives in Corto Maltese and didn't tell us?"

"There was no tactical advantage, now there is. I've uploaded the location on your MTS. Terminate his captors with extreme prejudice. Kill anyone you see. These are dangerous people. Recover Flag before moving on to the city."

You eventually made it to a decent sized camp before DuBois MTS started beeping.

"That's where they're holding Flag."

"Nothing like a bloodbath to start the day."

"I thought they called you Peacemaker," Ratcatcher II questioned.

"I cherish peace with all my heart. I don't care how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it."

Ratcatcher II turned to Polka Dot Man before whispering, "I thought you were the crazy one," which was swiftly answered by you lightly shoving her shoulder.

"I am."

"All right," Bloodsport said, getting everyone's attention. "Let's get it."

You and Nanaue crept behind a man who gave his cup to his buddy.

"Gracias," you heard the man say. Soon after, King Shark picked the man up and ate him as he started screaming. He dropped what looked to be a communication device. Nanaue smacked his mouth as the comms device went off.

"Cualquier cosa?"

As your nearby teammates looked in somewhat fear as to what to do, you picked up the dead soldier's comms and said "Nada, Señora" while perfectly mimicking his voice. Your team carried on.

You hastily turned yourself invisible as you scouted for Rick Flag. It took a couple of minutes but you managed to find the only white guy there. You assumed he was Rick since he was injured, but were they... laughing?

"Bloodsport," you whispered into your comms. "I found Rick Flag. He was laughing?" You sounded unsure.

"Most likely drugged," Peacemaker said. "Where's he located?"

"Northmost tent, past the watchtower." Right after you said that you saw a bunch of colorful polka dots disintegrate the watchtower.

"On our way."

You could hear some of your team's conversation as they approached your location. You made yourself visible again.

"I'm sorry it's so... flamboyant."

"It looks cool," you heard Cleo say.

"I don't like to kill people, but if I pretend it's my mom, it's easy."

"TMI, mate," said DuBois.

More laughter could be heard inside the tent as Bloodsport ripped open the tent curtain. An uncomfortable silence settled.

"DuBois?"

"Hey, Flag."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Bloodsport looked around confused. "Waller told us that you were... uh... are you drinking tea?"

Flag gestured to his female companion sitting across the table from him, "This is Sol Soria, she's the leader of the freedom fighters, the resistance trying to take down the current government. They-they saved my life."

"Oh. Wow."

Everyone put down their weapons.

"Why did my people not alert me of your arrival?"

You awkwardly hide yourself behind Abner again.

"We didn't see any people," Bloodsport swiftly lied.

"Yeah, I didn't see anybody on the way..." Peacemaker continued.

"There's no one out there."

"They were gone when we got here."

"I turned them into my mother in my head and killed them."

Everyone turned to look at Polka Dot Man. You just sighed and smacked his shoulder. To make matters worse, King Shark hacked up... was that a finger with a wedding ring? Sebastian squeaked out an audible "Uh oh."

Soria promptly lunged off the table and made her way outside. You and your team awkwardly stood amongst the destruction you caused while Flag and Soria looked in pain.

"Typical Americans. Just run in, guns blazing."

"I know, this is messed up. These guys, they're..."

Rick looked behind him to see Peacemaker and Bloodsport getting into a stupid cat fight, while Ratcatcher II was rubbing her face ashamed, and you and Polka Dot Man were looking off into the jungle having your own conversation and not even paying attention.

"They're fucking idiots, but right now our objectives aligh with yours. If Jotunheim contains the technology our intelligence says it does, then it could be used on the people of Corto Maltese as well as Americans. That's why we need your help to get into the city so we can stop 'em."

Soria just stared past Flag and asked, "Is that rat waving at me?"

Sure enough, Rick turned back around to see Sebastian waving at them. Cleo was messing with her hands, Chris and DuBois were looking around while tapping their feet, and you were admiring Abner's polka dots on his costume as he was awkwardly trying to accept your compliments.

"It appears it is."

"Why?"

"I'm gonna guess because it's friendly."

Soria thought for a moment, weighing her options, before speaking again.

"Luna and Suarez murdered my entire family. I'd make a deal with the devil to stop them." As if it physically pained her to say, she continued. "Your people will have our help getting to Vall Del Mar to apprehend this Gaius Grieves."