#but I'm going to test it first and see how well my laptop handles it / Youtube uploads

[shikai-the-storyteller]

(Timestamp ~44m) Pac to Guaxinim: "From this moment, everything that is mine is yours too, you can take it by passa tudo and such" aw

[k-kamostarr]

𝚅𝙰𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙰.

choso x blk!reader

wc: 800

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚠𝚘:

After I entered my apartment, I set down all my belongings and called in some takeout. While I wait, I decide to start my nighttime routine. I pull out my phone to record a "get unready with me" video. After finishing the video and posting it, I take a quick shower. When I check my phone after the shower, I see that my food was left at my door. I also noticed that Choso messaged me back. I quickly respond to his message, put on my robe, and run to get my food. I grab the food and set it on my counter while I change into some more comfy clothes.

While I change I continue messaging Choso, I get settled with my food and laptop. Choso wanted to call since he's not good with texting. I open my laptop to start editing and studying for my test on Monday. My phone starts to ring and I see that it's him.

“Hi there!’ I say while stuffing a dumpling in my mouth. 

He laughs looking at me stuffing my face. “Hey! If I knew you were eating I wouldn't have disturbed you.”

“Oh no, you're fine I’m always eating something plus I wanted to continue talking to you.” We laugh in unison. 

“Would you like to watch this show with me I cannot eat without watching something?” I ask. He nods.

We decided to watch the first episode of Blue Exorcist. “You know I would've never guessed this to be the type of anime you liked.” He says. I gasp. “What? What kind do I look like I like?” I laugh. “I took you as a romance or slice-of-life type of girl.” He smiles. “I mean I do like those too but I love me a good action anime.” I smile. 

Halfway through the second episode, I start getting full so I put my leftovers in the fridge. “I’m back!” I say. “Welcome back!” He exclaims. “Let's finish this episode then do something else,” I say. “Deal.” Once the episode finishes he cuts the screenshare. “I got questions for you.” He says. “Okay go ahead.” I smile.

“So how do you juggle college and doing content?” He asked. “Well it's not easy but it's not too bad, I do all my big content stuff on the weekends like YouTube videos and events but like TikTok videos, I do whenever because you know its a 15-second video,” I say truthfully. He nods. “Plus I only have two classes that are in person all the rest are online!” I exclaim. “I see I just think it's so cool to see you doing both because I know so many influencers that were in college and once they got big they left school to pursue content creation you know.” He says. “Yeah, I know that social media isn't forever so even if I lose my fame I know I will have my degree to fall back on.” I nod. He nods. “Well, now I have a question for you.” “What's up?” He asks.

“How do you handle being the sole provider for your brother while also doing content?” I inquire. He sighs. “Well he’s 16 and has his little job now so it's not much to handle now really but before he got a job it was a lot because I had to leave school to take care of him and any person would be pissed about that but I wasn’t I knew what I had to do as the oldest.” He says honestly. “You're a good person Choso I hope you know that.” She says softly. He smiles. “I try to be a person Yuji can be proud of.” He smiles. “You’re doing a great job so far if I was him I would brag about my big brother being the best.” I smile. He laughs. “I love how down to earth you are with the field we’re in a lot of people we meet are fucking posers.” He laughs. “Oh most definitely.” She laughs along with him.

They talk into the early morning without even noticing. “Oh damn, it's almost 4 am I didn't even realize.” He yawns. “Oh my gosh really?” I say surprised. “Hey when are you free this week so I can see you, we can go get some food or something?” He asked which causes you to smile. “If you want to go get something later today we can,” I say. “That's perfect!” He smiles. “Okay then it's settled we can go around 3 so we can both get enough sleep,” I say. “Perfect, well I'm going to get off the phone now have a good sleep.” He yawns. “You as well!” I yawn. We end the call and I instantly fall asleep on the couch.

[crispin-kreme]

bf neuvillette during your bar exams!

- random drabbles i made cuz like brainrot moment

pairings: gender neutral! reader x neuvillette

warnings: none afaik, grammatical errors and modern au ! basing off philippines' bar exam bcs why not but anyw enjoy

BEFORE THE EXAMS

he helps you with your bar exams application first and foremost

neuvillette doesn't want to stress you out while you review so he's mostly silent when you share the same room

deep down, he's so proud of you that you'll be taking the bar exam. he does everything in his power to get you to rest enough, eat enough, and the like.

he turns over his law school books for you to also review- as the chief of justice, he can't give you any insights of the cases he handles so he could review you because its confidential BUT he does give you example cases for you to review

probs tucks u in bed....... im js saying

neuvillette closes his laptop as he finished polishing some cases. he goes into your shared room and finds you asleep, your head is rested on top of your reviewers. neuvillette comes closer to you and taps your back gently "love? it's getting late. let's go to sleep." he says. you raise your head to see him "okay.. i'll continue this tomorrow." you groaned. neuvillette leads me to the bed and tucks you in. he turns off the remaining lights and kisses your forehead "good night. you did so well today and i'm so proud of you. i love you." he says as you drifted off to sleep

EXAMINATION PERIOD

before the day of the exams, he's right by your side to calm you down

he makes sure you eat a lot and get enough sleep

so much words of encouragement from him bcuz why not

he'd tell you sweet nothings nd all that yadiyada

you'd ask your bf if he got a glimpse of the exam but unfortunately he isn't the author of your exam 💔💔😢

"calm down, my love. you'll do well in the exam. i believe in you." he would say w a smile ack

he'll be the one to drive you to your testing site and he'll be the one to walk you to where you'll take the exam and he'll wait for you

neuvillette walks you to the testing area and everyone notices him since he is the chief of justice after all. "do you have everything?" he asks "yup, love. don't worry." you tell him with a smile. he smiles and cups your face "good luck. whatever the result is i'll always be proud of you." neuvillette says as he gives a kiss on your lips. "thank you, love. i love you." you said shakily. he smiles at you and before you entered the testing room you waved at him and he smiles, feeling like a proud parent.

AFTER THE EXAMINATION

he welcomes you with the biggest hug

asks how hard the exam was and the like

takes u out for dinner or so ! but he prefers that you should go home and get some rest

he starts to deal w all the household chores so you could at least rest since you haven't really rested ever since u started reviewing

"my love!" neuvillette exclaims as he sees you exiting the gate. he gives you the tightest and biggest hug "how was it?" he asked "i don't know if i did well." you frowned. "hey hey, its okay." neuvillette gives you a reassuring look. "you did well. i know you did your best and that's all that matters." his voice was so soothing, you just melted in his embrace. "come, let's get home. you need rest." he says.

[spacenintendogs]

3 10 16or 17 for the httyd asks!!

3. Did you play School of Dragon? If so, what dragon(s) did you have?

i tried back in 2018 but my laptop couldn't handle it. i never got past the tutorial with toothless and immediately uninstalled it and then was still devastated when they shut it down :')

10. What are your favourite songs from the soundtracks?

the big 3: forbidden friendship, test drive, and romantic flight.

see you tomorrow is a BANGER

all of the jonsi songs!!

once there were dragons is also so good... listened to that on repeat after i saw the hidden world in 2019

16. What is your favourite plot arc?

edit: i realized this said plot arc and astrid's character arc doesn't rlly count but for plot arc: hiccup & snotlout's arc of learning to respect each other more in riders/defenders of berk. basically the screaming death arc!!

astrid's in the first movie... it's near perfect and her role in the story is so vital bc her mind being changed makes stoick's mind being changed so much more believable. astrid's arc is such an interesting throughline to see the movie through. astrid being the most viking like of the teens and taking everything so seriously only to decide to give hiccup a chance (yes she was hanging off a tree rlly high off the ground and then only apologized bc toothless was whipping her around as payback for her attitude lol) but once toothless calms down that's when astrid rlly sits back and gives toothless & hiccup a chance & you just. see her relaxed for the first time in the movie and smiling so wide and it's SOOOOOOO. i love her so much.

17. Do you read or write HTTYD fanfic? If so, give some recommendations!

i do both!!

for reading, i haven't done a lot & i am kinda particular abt what i read (i heed tags & stuff seriously!! they're there for a reason!!) but!! from recent memory & my bookmarks

promises, promises is by @artinandwritin and it's abt her httyd ocs and @beebooca's oc set post the hidden world (except the dragons are still there!!) and it's such a fun exploration of the effect things can have on oc characters based on what happens to the canon characters they're connected to!! it's very good (and i am honored to have helped beta read :'))

translations by @bignostalgias is a hijack fic where jack frost ends up on berk after following silver dream sand (and ends up becoming "alive" again) and there's the whole thing where he's confused abt how berk exists and seems to be behind modern day and dragons exist. everything is so thought out and carefully put together and i just can not wait for more!!

frowny kisses by @tysonrunningfox bc my snotstrid loving ass adores those losers so much and op has got them DOWN!! the original snotstrid person fr fr i am begging y'all to pls check out their stuff!!!!!!!!!

also fics by @eemoo1o-tfrmoo & @kolasharkattack are also rlly rlly good!!!!!!

and yea i write fics lol but i go through spurts of YEAH UPDATE LET'S GO WOO and then quickly losing steam & updates come rarely even tho they take up so much space in my brain bc writing hard :')

the summer snotlout jorgenson got laid is tied to my modern au & it's abt the brief period astrid & snotlout decided to try dating & obv they break up but hey. unrestrained summer fun :)

burn is a series following astrid & snotlout's friendship. there's only 2 fics rn but windburn is complete and heartburn is a work in progress. i have a few fics for series stewing around in my brain as well but!! yea!!

then there's the calm dragon nip provides which is basically my fishlout smokes weed fic and it's not even a year old yet & tbh i'm not happy with it at all but i don't regret it enough to delete it. u can read it if u wish but i'm not proud of it. c'est la vie.

and those are my most recent fics!! and then my docs are just. full of incomplete bullshit lol <3 ty!!

[angelamajiki]

[ a father’s love ]

PARING: StepFather! Aizawa x StepDaughter! Reader

SYNOPSIS: Your stepfather took you in with open arms after the death of your mother. Depression gets the better of you and Shouta promises to take care of you. But just how far is he willing to go to see it through?

CW: yandere, pseudo-incest, mentions of stalkers, mentions of death, depression, mental health issues, pregnancy, noncon, somnophilia, bondage, daddy kink, praise kink, afab reader

AN: my first collab with the bnharem server!! the theme was roommates (i ran with the term loosely) read the other member’s takes here! mind the tags as usual and enjoy!! :)

The death of your mother shattered you. A freak accident with a villain attack had her crushed under rubble from a collapsed building. Your stepfather, Shouta, suggested that you move back home with him after her funeral. As tempting as the offer was, you were determined to make it through University and handle yourself like a big girl, an adult ready to take on the world. You had only moved out a few months before her death, independence calling to you after you received your college acceptance letter.

A few months and an eviction notice later, you crawled back to him, the only remnants of your family. Open arms enveloped you, bringing you solace and comfort in your dire time of need. You felt like a child, bundled up in his arms as you sobbed, screaming at the cruelty of the world. Depression hit you hard and deep, flunking you out of your classes and preventing the bills from being paid. You had no other alternative but to accept his offer.

“You time and space to grieve properly, kitty. The most logical thing to do is take a breather.”

Ah, kitty. He always knew that was your favorite nickname, calling you that ever since you were a little girl. He also always knew just what to say. Patting your thigh, he stood up and extended his hand to help you up as well.

“Let’s go step up your room. I'm sure you need a nap after that cry.”

He gave a wrinkly smile before disappearing down the hall.

Skeptical at first, you were unsure if it was the right move to return home. You needed time to figure out what you wanted, what you needed. A break from life would give you a chance to sort things out, right? And Shouta was more than prepared to use this opportunity to show you he would be all that you needed and more.

The man was nothing short of doting and generous. A shoulder to cry on, a good laugh, a friend, a father. He helped you piece your broken soul back together. Whenever he wasn’t patrolling, he was at home with you. When your depression seemed to drown you, Shouta was there to pull you out of the water. He made sure you ate, helped brush your hair when it was matted, and got you into clean clothes daily. It was the small things that he did for you that helped your demeanor change.

—

“Up and at ‘em, kitty. Breakfast is on the table.”

You grunted, burrowing deeper into your bedding. A chuckle reverberated in his throat as he rubbed your lower back soothingly.

“C’mon, I know you haven't been eating lately. Let's get some food in you. I made your favorite.”

—

But as time passed, his help could only do so much. Your mental health continued to dwindle, plummeting into the ground when her first anniversary passed.

—

Gentle strokes of a brush smoothed through your tangled hair. Shouta was kind enough to help you when your head got matted into a rat’s nest, being incredibly tender and gentle with you. Tears streamed down your face, broken hiccups and sobs bubbling from your chest. You were trying to hold it in, he could tell. A sweet kiss was placed on the back of your head as he enveloped you in a comforting embrace, letting his hands sip down to your hips to rub circles in.

“Let it out, kitty. I'm here for you.”

He was the only one that was.

—

The domestic dynamic the two of you fell into hardly felt like one of parent and child, but more as two lovers sharing a home they built together. The pair of you even adopted a new cat together in hopes of cheering you up. You can't say that you disliked it. It felt...nice to have your presence matter when it was a struggle even to be alive. Shouta always checked in on you; whether he sent you an update from work or shared a cat video. He really was the best father anyone could hope for, even when your depression got the worst of you.

Your depression started to manifest itself in many forms. Lately, you’d been having vicious nightmares, only to wake up with an unknown stickiness on your thighs. Recalling the night terrors was something that evaded you, but you knew you were being violated. Perhaps your body wet itself from the fear of the dream? It was the only logical answer you and Shouta could come up with. Depression sure had funny ways of physically manifesting itself. You thought that would be the end of it, putting the situation behind you.

It was until it started happening nightly. The nightmares only seemed to prolong themselves, worsening to the point where you could vividly dream of being assaulted. Your underwear was now soiled too, and it definitely wasn’t your doing. Fearing you had a stalker, Shouta installed brand new locks on your windows and doors, hoping to soothe you. He was a Pro-Hero, so he certainly had the means and know-how to protect you. It put you at some ease, but it continued to the point where your stepfather decided sleeping in the same room would help you feel safer.

It didn't.

The nightmares themselves only seemed to get worse, but Shouta was right there to comfort you as soon as you woke up shouting in a panic. He would take you into his arms and hold you until you fell back asleep. You felt like a child. But he didn't judge you.

After a month of strange behavior, the stress caused you to gain some weight. Visiting a doctor was your best bet to get an answer. He took you to your appointment, letting you hold onto his arm for comfort as his hand rested comfortably on your thigh. The two of you were mistaken for a couple by a nurse. What a strange, intimate relationship the pair of your tangled yourselves in.

The doctor ran some tests and had your blood drawn. The results were to be emailed to you in a few days. Shouta calmed your nerves with a tender kiss to the forehead, reassuring you that everything would work itself out.

The notification for the email came in a few days later while Shouta was at work and you were lounging in the living room. Patience was never your strong suit, so you took his laptop from the coffee table, only to open up to a camera feed. Coming from your room.

The blood in your veins ran cold as you looked into the memory drive of the feed. Maybe he set up a camera to see what was happening during your nightmares? That had to be it; how could you assume the worst of your sweet dad? The only saved footage to be found was him fucking himself deep inside of your sleeping body.

“I see the results are in.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of his voice. He always had a habit of sneaking up on you.

“What-” You couldn’t find the words to describe your anger. “What the fuck is this!”

Disgust. Rage. Dispair.

Your only family left had turned against you.

“You were upset at the loss of your family, kitty. So I decided to give you a new one.”

He couldn't possibly mean…

“You’re pregnant.”

Bile rose to your throat as you gagged at the mere thought of his words. Pregnant? With your father’s child? His betrayal cut you more profoundly than your mother’s death ever could have. But it couldn't have made more sense—his touches, his comfort, sleeping in your room, the nightmares that plagued you.

“You’re sick!”

You shouted, tears streaming down your face as you continued to pummel insults and nasty spats at him. You lost your voice by the end of your rant, panting and heaving while sweat beaded your brow. He just stood there, taking everything in with a grain of salt.

“I understand, kitty. I really do. I should have been straightforward with my intentions.” He confessed.

The capture weapon around his neck snagged you the second you moved on the couch.

“Let daddy make it up to you. I'll make everything better for my pretty little kitty.”

It secured you to the sofa, keeping your legs spread and your hands behind your torso. On his knees in front of you, Shouta was ready to serve his apology with his tongue. Panties and sweatpants were ripped at the seams before being tossed aside.

He caressed your thigh with a delicate touch, pressing his lips to the other side. A kiss was pressed to your clit before long slow strokes of a hot tongue lavished it in attention. He kneaded your thighs gently all the while, humming as he began to alternate between licking and suckling on your sensitive nub.

Your head thrashed about in your binds as you shouted in protest.

“S-Stop it right now! Get off of me, dad!”

In a desperate plea, you hoped that hearing you call him dad would force him back into reality. Instead, he groaned and took a breath.

“Call me that again, kitty.”

A hot mouth sealed over your wet cunt as he dove his tongue between your folds while sucking with his lips. The pleasure was undeniable; his tongue was too experienced to ignore how his ministrations made you feel. Toes flexing and curling, you cried out of a mix of frustration, disgust, and humiliation as he continued to work at your dripping hole. This pig was getting off on the fact that he was fucking his daughter. It made your soul shatter all over again, the one he worked so hard to rebuild.

You continued to sob, moans now added to the mix, as he worked a finger inside of you. He made a curling motion after plunging in knuckle deep. A pleasured shout broke between your cries.

“I'll take it that’s your sweet spot, pretty girl? Good to know.”

He continued to abuse that spot, slowing down just a touch with his tongue to drag out the ride to the peak. Can't have you coming too fast, now can we? Your moans and whimpers spurred him on even more as he wiggled another finger inside you.

Removing his mouth, he focused on stretching and loosening up your tense body. You were lax when sleeping, so sliding in was a pinch with his size. But now he has to deal with you thrashing and struggling against his bonds. Disgust and pleasure churned together in your gut, feeling the incoming orgasm approaching hard and fast. Shouta felt you clench around his fingers and added a third, using his thumb to swipe your clit back and forth. With a final cry, you came on his fingers with a shout as your body convulsed in the capture weapon. You found what little peace you could in your short-lived post-nut clarity, taking a moment to breathe and center yourself.

Your father gave you no such chance to do so, immediately springing his cock free and rubbing the tip against your clit to gather your wetness. A chuckle sounded in his throat as he watched you twitch even more from the stimulation that was starting to border on being painful.

“Relax, kitty. Being tense won't do you any good.”

He slowly nudged his cock into your hole, groaning as he took his time bottoming out inside you. Praise spilled from his lips as he let you adjust, feeling your pussy clench tight around him. Good girl, good kitty. He shushed your sobs, smoothing the tears off of your face with the pads of his thumb. Murmurs of good girl and taking me so well slipped your senses. The pace he set was slow and deep, letting you feel every agonizing inch of his rather impressive dick.

Your flowing tears were kissed away as he proceeded to thrust faster and deeper. The sound of skin slapping against one another filled the room, even above your now weakened crying and whimpers. Sweat beaded on your brow plastered your hair to your forehead. His breath was warm against your cheek, his moans of pleasure so close to your ear forced you to stay in the moment.

Shouta swallowed your cute noises with a kiss, cupping and stroking your cheek with his right hand while his left pinned your hips down into the cushions. He did his best to stop your tears, pushing the hair off of your sweaty face. A few minutes passed filled with kisses, cries, and deep thrusts before he maneuvered you to be seated in his lap. Back pressed into the cushions, he lazily thrust up into you, hands grabbing your now bouncing ass. His thumb made its way back to your clit as he rubbed it in small circles, grinning at your cries of pleasure that you couldn't hold back. Dark brown eyes fluttered shut as he groaned and moaned proudly, increasing the speed of his thrusts as he felt himself getting closer and closer.

He usually lasted longer while you were sleeping; he does have quite a bit of stamina from his hero work. But something about seeing your flushed, torn face, hearing your whimpers and cries, he can't help but cum rather quickly for his own record. The pleasure was manifesting itself within you again, a second orgasm hitting you like a speeding truck as you gasped and choked for air at its intensity. Shouta was soon to follow, grunting and moaning loudly as he filled your cunt with his spend. He rode out both your orgasms, relishing in the silence between the two of you. It was better than hearing your broken, choked up wails.

It was wrong; he knew that. Breaking your trust, violating you, sabotaging your personal life, he couldn't help but be selfish with you. But he always knew what was best for you, always knew how to take care of you when you couldn't.

Foreheads pressed together, he caught your sagging body against him in a warm hug, stroking your hair when you started to sob uncontrollably.

“Let it out, kitty. I'm here for you.”

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

Kiss prompt: kiss on the hand, Kadota Hiromi + your choice?

Anon, I need you to understand how much I appreciate you giving me this opportunity to make Hiromi and George kiss. (Also oh my god is this the first Revice fic I've ever posted? I think it might be, good lord.)

keep it rough

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, report to my lab in two hours so you can give it a test run before you go trying to fight Evil with it."

Hiromi is never less than punctual, so he arrives at Karizaki's lab with ten minutes to spare, the Driver he was handed earlier a weight in his hand that he can't stop paying attention to. The Demons Driver, which seems like sort of an inauspicious name for something intended to fight demons, but then again, Karizaki loves drama. He's always giving things grandiose names.

The Spider Vistamp in his other hand doesn't feel as strange. He's handled Vistamps before in the course of his work, he knows how comfortably they settle into the palm. He'd be tempted to fidget with it if the consequences of doing so weren't so dire.

A couple of tables have been pushed out of the way to make space in the center of the room, and Karizaki's sitting at his laptop, frowning absentmindedly. He doesn't look up when Hiromi comes in. "Early as usual, Hiromi."

"I like to be on time."

"Well, I'm not ready with the diagnostics stuff yet, give me a minute." Karizaki flaps a hand in his general direction. "Sit down or something."

After a moment's hesitation, Hiromi finds the room's only other chair, next to the table where Karizaki's set up, and sits down. "Diagnostics. Is that why you wanted to do this test run here and not in a practice room?"

"Yeah, and I like it in here. Got everything set up the way I want it. You're not going to break anything, anyway, you're way too conscientious." Now Karizaki glances at him. "Good thing to be if you're a Kamen Rider, you know?"

Hiromi's not sure if Karizaki knows. He's not sure if Karizaki could ever be described as "conscientious." On his best days the most fitting word seems to be "enthusiastic," with a sliding scale that goes from there to "whimsical" and all the way down to "dangerously lax." He's a genius, though, and so everyone tolerates his eccentricities, even if Hiromi often privately finds him maddening.

As if reading his thoughts, Karizaki grins and says, "Less important for me, though." He's still tapping away at his computer, eyes fixed on the screen. "Wouldn't be any Kamen Rider to save the day if you didn't have someone a little bit crazy around."

"Is...is that so."

"You need more than a mechanic nowadays, you know, if you're unfortunate enough to live in a world that needs Kamen Rider. I'm not even the worst one."

Unsettled, Hiromi just looks down at the Demons Driver, turning it over in his hands. "Where is the actual belt stored in this?"

"Oh, it's not. It's somewhere else until you need it. I could explain, but it's pretty woo-woo, it'd just stress you out."

"...Mr. Karizaki, I guard the populace from devils for a living."

"Sure, but that's a thing you do. At the end of the day your jacket's still just a jacket." A final, firm tap on the keyboard, and Karizaki finally properly looks up from the screen. "All right, we're good to go. Looking forward to seeing this baby in action."

Hiromi jolts in the middle of standing up. "I'm sorry, you haven't before?"

"Only in simulations. My dad probably saw this one do its thing, he made it, but I've done a lot of work on it since and it's not like there are a ton of suitable candidates around. C'mon, Hiromi, let's get this party started."

An uncertain glance, and then Hiromi gets up and moves to the center of the room, feeling more observed by Karizaki's yellow-lensed stare than he ever has standing at the head of a whole team. He looks the Driver over one more time before putting it on, the belt unspooling from who-knows-where to wrap around his waist. It's...not uncomfortable. In fact, it feels like it was made for him.

"You gotta have a catchphrase," Karizaki says, cheerful, "part of the whole experience, but you can skip it this time since we're just test-driving."

This is not helpful advice, so Hiromi ignores him, hefts the Spider Vistamp, and murmurs, "Transform," as he presses it down on the pad of the Driver.

A spider lowers next to his shoulder, there's a dizzying moment as he is enveloped in threads of web, and then there's an even more dizzying moment as the visual sensors in the suit come online. All six of them. He stumbles, and Karizaki says, "What, what, what, a problem already?"

"Too many eyes," Hiromi says, disoriented. "I can see the wall behind me."

"Yeah, it's cool, right? Nearly 360. Useful for you. You'll get the hang of it." Beat. "But you can turn it off if you have to, just focus on looking forward."

Hiromi steadies himself and focuses forward, and--the extra eyes shut off. His vision narrows to his usual range and again he is dizzied, though not to the point of stumbling this time, by how much more acute it is. He looks at Karizaki and can see the individual links in his glasses chain, the threads in his shirt, can measure his pulse by the minute movements of the vein in his throat.

"Better?"

"Yyy...es. I'll turn the additional eyes back on later, but it was startling."

"How's it feel?"

Steady on his feet now, Hiromi shifts his weight experimentally, takes a step forward and one back, shakes his hands out as if they were asleep, wiggles his fingers. "It feels...different. It's an unusual sensation. I didn't expect the suit to be comfortable, but it is." A few more steps, back and forth in the open space, just as he'd do to try on new shoes. "This is a different material from the Revi suit."

Karizaki grins at him, like a schoolboy excited to show off a project on which he got a good grade, and for a moment he's genuinely charming. "Geno Muscle. Demons is a little less versatile than Revi, but you've got some punching power. Actually, hang on a second." He stands up from his computer and comes out from behind the table, and the impression of charm is obscured by his usual weirdness as he gets much too close to Hiromi and leans in to peer at his arm. "Like I said. Only seen this in sims before. Design looks even better in motion than I thought."

Awkward, Hiromi stands still and lets Karizaki circle him. "I would comment, but there aren't any mirrors in here."

"I can get one in a minute if you really need to see." A little more circling, and then, "Nice to finally get to see this close up," and he reaches out and squeezes one of Hiromi's biceps, which is just a step too far in terms of invasion of personal space.

Hiromi's intent is just to pull his arm free and push Karizaki away. And yet...intent is all well and good, but being in the Demons suit is, he finds, much like driving a car in which the brakes have just been replaced and jolting at every red light. He's so much stronger, so suddenly, that he doesn't entirely know how to moderate himself, and thus what was intended to be a gentle nudge becomes, instead, a shove that sends Karizaki falling back and overbalances him so much that he stumbles after.

He catches himself heavily with one hand, Karizaki pinned between him and one of the tables. Shamefully, his first thought is, Ok, so this is how I lose my job, which is followed by, "I'm so sorry, I'm not accustomed to being so much stronger. Are you all right?"

Karizaki stares up at him, and then looks down at his other arm, caught between them like a bar across Karizaki's chest. "Unexpected display of power there, Hiromi," and he sounds shocked, but in a way that's somehow unnervingly positive. "Very impressive."

Thrown off, Hiromi stands up and offers his hand, and Karizaki grasps it and pulls himself up and doesn't let go.

"How does it feel?" No, he definitely doesn't sound upset. Breathless, maybe, but not in an upset way. "Being so powerful?"

Not upset, but his heart rate is elevated. Hiromi can feel it through the sensors in the suit, Karizaki's pulse beating against his fingertips and up his arm, and between that and his tone of voice Hiromi's mood flips from embarrassed at his lack of control to frustrated, even angry. He could have been seriously injured, but instead of properly understanding the gravity of the situation, he's grinning about it. Genius or no, his attitude is a danger to himself, and by extension to others given the importance of his work.

"Well?"

"You want to know how this feels?"

"Obviously, that's why I asked."

Karizaki is still hanging onto his hand when Hiromi takes a first step towards him, and is thus easily led. Even when his back hits the wall he looks no more than mildly surprised, entirely unbothered by Hiromi getting in his face even as he raises his hands in what seems like a mockery of surrender. Kadota, you're going to lose your goddamn job, says the rational part of Hiromi's mind, but what comes out of his mouth is, "It feels dangerous. I don't like feeling dangerous. I'm doing this to protect people, not to be powerful."

"That's the spirit," is the breathed-out response, in a tone that now seems even less situationally appropriate. "That's what it means to be Kamen Rider."

"Is it?" but it's hard to maintain anger, because Hiromi doesn't want to be angry, he doesn't enjoy how anger makes him feel, and because at this point Karizaki's reactions have him genuinely off-balance. It's--Karizaki's an attractive man, in his wild-eyed way, and he's persisting in looking at Hiromi in a way that makes Hiromi feel jumpy and strange. "You have a strange way of looking at things."

Instead of replying, Karizaki reaches for one of his wrists. "You should feel dangerous. I designed it to be dangerous. Point is, what are you going to use it for?" Fingertips trail across his palm, the sensation not dulled but amplified by however many precision-engineered sensors are clustered in the gloves there. "You could hurt me very badly if you wanted to," and his hand is raised to Karizaki's face--he bites his lip inside the helmet and focuses on gentleness and care and not on the warmth of Karizaki's cheek against his palm. "Here, I'll even make it easy for you."

This was a mistake. Cornering him like this was a mistake. It was a mistake, because Hiromi can feel himself blushing, which means that this whole test has taken on an entirely different tone.

"You could just break my neck, but you won't, no matter how much I provoke you, because you're a conscientious man." Karizaki cocks his head to one side, serene (for a given definition of serenity) and self-satisfied, his lips brushing the edge of Hiromi's hand like kisses, as he says, "Aren't you, Hi-ro-mi."

Hiromi jerks his hand back, steps away, fumbles with the Driver and feels the overwhelming sensation of power dissipate as the Spiders suit goes away to wherever it's stored.

"I think it's pretty safe to say that everything's in working order, right, Hiromi?"

Hiromi punches the wall next to his head.

Seeing his eyes flick to the side for a moment is unbelievably satisfying. "Something else you needed?"

A deep, slow breath, and then Hiromi says, as calmly as possible, "Am I dismissed?"

"Yeah, sure." Karizaki sounds out of breath again. "Sure, we're done here."

Hiromi nods and leaves without any good-bye, walking not quite as fast as his legs will take him. It's only when he's well away from Karizaki's lab that he stops and tucks himself into a corner, trying to rid himself of the thought of Karizaki's flushed face and breathless voice.

--

Left alone in his lab, George stays standing for a moment, catching his breath, and then slides down the wall to sit on the floor and drags both hands down his face. He can feel himself grinning against his own palms. "Goddamn."

[2jaeh]

INSUFFERABLE l  KIM DOYOUNG 

GENRE: mature theme, slight smut

WARNINGS: choking, dom themes, cursing

asshole! Doyoung , enemies to ???

Words : 4k 

You’re put in a group project with the most annoying pretentious jerk your law class had to offer. Immediately Doyoung tries to boss you around but you being you, you weren’t taking his shit...soon enough he finds out he can dominate you after all...in a very different way. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Theres no fucking way...no fucking way” you groaned looking at your group project list, eyes narrowing on possibly the worst people within your course year. Slumping in your seat you half smiled at the girl who approached you, one of your fellow members from project hell. 

“Heyyy y/n I think we're in a group together” she grinned and took a seat next to you, flipping her red hair over her shoulder and checked herself out in her mirror covered cellphone. 

Dami was probably the most narcissistic person you'd ever met and being in law, it was definitely a common trait around here. Dami sat up and began tapping you on your shoulder frantically “He’s in our group! Kim Doyoung is in our group” the two of you watched as the dark haired man conversed with the lecturer, casually turning back to look at the table where you guys sat, in annoyance. 

“That guy is such a prick” a guy who slid in the desk behind you, Seungmin said and Dami nodded in agreeance as you all continued to watch him. 

“Ive never really spoken to him before” you cocked your head, “What’s so annoying about him?” 

This time another group member joined in, a quieter girl who normally sat in the back Jisoo, cleared her throat, “He is really bossy and only likes to do things his own way.”

‘Well he is about to meet his worst nightmare’ you thought knowing nothing pissed you off more than someone telling you what to do. 

The muffled conversations around you began to soften as you felt someone stand over you and drop a file on your desk. Looking up, you locked eyes with the one and only Kim Doyoung, dressed in his usual black slacks, black turtleneck and clear rimmed spectacles. He raised his eyebrow at you as if you were supposed to guess what he wanted.

“What ?” you challenged him, folding your arms across your chest and returned an eyebrow raise. 

Doyoung sighed in annoyance, his long slender fingers moved across the file and opened it swiftly, “I want you to do roll call” he said coldly. 

A lump formed in your throat. You felt like you were being talked down to, it was something that infuriated the hell out of you. He wasn't older than you, nor was he getting better grades than you but somehow he had a superiority complex. Dami quickly nudged you and you rolled your eyes, “Seungmin ?”

“Here!” 

“Jisoo ?” you placed a tick as you called out each name. 

“Dami, Jangjun…?” you looked around and noticed that the usually loud comedic relief in your classroom was nowhere to be seen. 

“I think Jangjun is late, i’ll text him” Seungmin sighed and pulled out his phone. You turned back to the roll call sheet and pursed your lips, “Kim Doyoung ?” 

Doyoung just looked down at you, sucking in his bottom lip and raised that damn eyebrow at you again. 

“You need to say ‘here’ do you not know how roll call works ?” you tested him and he rolled his eyes and sighed, “here.” 

You smiled to yourself, completely satisfied with pissing him off when your internal celebration was interrupted by an out of breath Jangjun, who threw his bag on the floor and took a seat on Dami’s desk. Doyoung looked at him disgustingly, and even though you too were obviously annoyed by Jangjun’s tardiness, was that reaction really necessary ?

“Be on time” Doyoung sneered and grabbed the roll call file making his way back to the lecturer. 

“Fuck Kim Doyoung is in this group ?” Jangjun groaned, sharing the sentiments of the entire meeting. You couldnt believe these were the people you had to work with for the week. It's like you could almost feel an outburst waiting to happen, whether it be from you or Kim Doyoung. 

Doyoung returned and took out his phone, not really looking at any of you as he spoke, “we should make a group chat to update each other on work”

The group hastily shared each other's details and Doyoung created the chat and pinned a set of three rules. 

The first was the group was strictly to be used for the project, no small talk or any other messages that weren't related to the project. The second rule was that no one talks about the group content in private chats as it will cause confusion among members. Lastly you weren't allowed to message after 9pm unless it was an emergency, a very serious emergency. 

“Dang is this the military ?” Jangjun snickered as Seungmin and Dami tried their best to hide their laughs. It was typical of people like Dami and Jangjun to not take anything seriously. Their families were well off and they were just studying just for a piece of paper you call a degree. Doyoung couldn't even hide his annoyance, not like he ever did but he seemed particularly pissed off today. 

“Look, just follow the rules and all of you get a free pass and then we never have to speak to each other again” Doyoung spat and made his way to the exit leaving the rest of you in utter shock. 

———

The first two days were utter hell as Doyoung tried to take control of almost every aspect of the project and frankly you didn't even mind because his business proposal was flawless, it was just the way he spoke to all of you that drove you insane. 

“Dami its not fucking rocket science all you need to do is make a clientele spreadsheet with the mock list the professor gave us” Doyoung didnt even lift his head from his laptop, unaware of the impact his words had on her. 

Dami pushed away from the desk and her eyes began to well up and before you knew it she was running out of the library, with Jisoo and Seungmin following quickly out of concern. 

“Nice move asshole” you rolled your eyes, continuing to work on your laptop. 

Doyoung peered up and pushed his spectacles up, “what was that?” 

“I said nice move asshole, do you intend to talk to your future clients like that?” He initiated a different kind of anger from you but you managed to keep your cool. Doyoung shrugged as if what he had said to Dami had not carried any weight and continued typing away. 

A few minutes of the members disappearance quickly turned to an hour and Doyoung’s nonchalance about the whole ordeal really ticked you off to the point of slamming your laptop closed and pushed back from the desk. 

Doyoung quirked his eyebrow at you, “Is something wrong ?” 

“Is something wrong” you mimicked him, “Jangjun hasn't come in today because you sent him on multiple errands, and you just made Dami cry over something so ridiculous”

Doyoung sat back in his seat and rubbed his temples, “They're all freeloaders, you and I are the only ones doing work, why do you care so much about them?” 

“Basic human fucking decency maybe?” you groaned and ran your fingers through your hair, “listen im not like them, i'm not gonna take shit from you”

“Sure”

“Youre a fucking asshole Kim Doyoung.” 

—-

You lay in bed and replayed that scene with Doyoung in your head multiple times. He was so unbothered by your antics nor did he care about anyone's feelings within the group. He was cold, heartless all he thought about was himself. His cold expression was practically engraved in your head, spending all these hours with him was really not your favourite pastime. 

Group 7 gc 7:00pm

KDY: I posted a schedule for tomorrow we will be working in pairs on the highlighted sections. 

You took a look at his document and groaned when you saw your name placed next to his. There was no way, no way in hell you want to work with him one on one. Not caring about breaking his rule, you pulled up a private chat with him and began expressing your concerns. 

y/n  x  KDY : 7:10pm 

Y/N: Hi, there's no fucking way in hell am I working with you. Change It. 

KDY: I said no private chats and no, I'm not changing it. 

Y/N: Wouldn't it be better for us to split and have the others actually DO work for once ?

KDY: I barely gave them room for error, we're going to be the most anyway and besides, I'd prefer someone who can handle...my personality. 

Y/N: …..so you agree..you are an asshole ?

KDY: I give people a reality check that's all..

Y/N: whatever makes you sleep at night...can I atleast choose our work venue because If I were stuck in a library again with you I might kill you. 

KDY: haha..

KDY: sure. 

Y/N: mango drop cafe, 10am. 

KDY: cool, see you then. 

‘Haha’. You had no idea why that text in particular riled you up. Did he find all of this amusing ? Was he making everyone's life a living hell because he enjoyed it ? You stared at his messages and somehow ended up on his profile picture. He was leaning against a railing dressed in all black with his hooded eyes concentrated on the camera lense, Your realization of how attractive he was came from the fact that you stared at the picture for a good 20 minutes. You wondered who took the picture, a girlfriend maybe ? You shook your head. He seemed too uptight to be getting laid. You sighed, closing your phone and awaited yet another day with the insufferable gorgeous man that was Kim Doyoung. 

You arrived quite early at the cafe but of course Doyoung was here before you, already typing away at his laptop, in his usual attire. You greeted the barista and placed an order for a chilled cafe latte before making your way over to him. 

“Hey” you said simply and took a seat opposite him in the booth. Doyoung’s ears perked up at the sound of your voice and made room for your books on the table.

“You're here early” 

“You're already picking a fight with me?” you said casually setting up your workspace. 

Doyoung chuckled under his breath and shook his head, “I just didn't expect you this early y/n it's not that serious.” 

You ignored his words and got straight to work, not in the mood to play his little game. You felt Doyoung look at you a few times. You weren't sure if it were to check if youre doing the right thing or he was just looking at you. 

“Well i'm done with my part” you stretched your arms above your head and yawned. 

“Yeah I'm pretty much done too, Do you want another cup of coffee ?” Doyoung offered pointing to your empty cup. You were taken back by his softer demeanor but quickly nodded, “uh yeah sure.” 

Doyoung returned carrying a tray of two fresh cups of coffee and a slice of cheesecake. Setting everything down he handed you the extra fork and placed the cheesecake in the middle of the table to make it easier to share. 

“H-how much do I owe you ?” You fumbled in your bag for your wallet. 

“It's okay, it's my treat” Doyoung replied, placing a piece of cheesecake in his mouth and slowly licking the fork clean. You gulped as his tongue darted out carefully licking the cream from the metal, not leaving any residue behind. You had no idea what the hell was going on but you felt hot, almost claustrophobic. 

“You're okay?” Doyoung asked innocently, unaware of what he was doing to you. 

“Why are you being...nice?” You questioned, knitting your eyebrows together as the man continued to act as if this was his usual behavior. 

Doyoung pursed his lips and placed the fork on the plate, “You want me to be mean to you?”

“No I just don't get-”

“I apologized to Dami and she told me she only overreacted because the guy she likes, Seungmin was there” Doyoung explained and removed his spectacles, “she was embarrassed to ask anyone for help, I paired them up for today.”

“Wait wha-”

“Also Jangjun works at the campus radio” Doyoung continued, “I had only found out the day we all met, I gave him tasks that will allow him more flexibility, that way he doesn't have to join group sessions often.” 

You blinked, unable to form any words in order to reply to Doyoung. Especially after he chuckled at your speechlessness, knowing you didn't bother getting his side of the story at first. 

“You were right y/n I dont have to be an asshole all the time, I just like to get my work done” He shrugged. You kept eye contact with him but somehow it felt as if he were still toying with you, waiting on your next reaction. He seemed like he played this game often, making sure he always had the upper hand. Doyoung seemed relaxed as he stared at you, taking another scoop of the cheesecake and slowly ran his tongue over his lips after his bite. What the fuck was he doing ? 

“Y/N ?” you heard a familiar voice come from the entrance of the cafe. Your attention diverted from Doyoung to the blonde haired boy who began approaching your table. 

“Jungwoo ? oh my God what are you doing here ?” You stood up and pulled him into a tight hug and pecked his cheek. Doyoung shifted awkwardly in his seat as he watched your exchange with the stranger. 

“I got off early from class about to go to Subway, are you still doing that group project thing?” Jungwoo looked over at your table and half smiled at Doyoung who tried to distract himself with his phone. 

“Uh yeah but i'm all done here I think, wanna hang out ?” you hooked arms with Jungwoo as he nodded enthusiastically. You turned around and scratched the back of your head, 

“So...uh”

“Were all done you can go, I have somewhere to be anyway” Doyoung smiled as you slowly began packing up your things. 

“Alright, see you tomorrow I guess” you bid your goodbye and headed out for lunch with Jungwoo. 

—-

You had just finished up your skincare routine and caught up with a few instagram posts when you noticed Doyoung had followed you. Sitting up in bed you scrolled through his feed curiously. Every post was aesthetically pleasing and he looked absolutely hot in every single one of them. He had to have a girlfriend right ? No guy posts pictures this good without women flooding his DMs. 

There was no harm in doing the same since he was in your class, you decided to return the follow and close the app. Suddenly your phone vibrated with a new message in your chats. 

Y/N X KDY  10:30pm

KDY: hey 

Y/N: aren't you breaking two of your rules right now ?

KDY: haha 

KDY: I didn't realize what time it was…

Y/N: ….anyways..is this about work at least ?

KDY: kinda… you left one of your books at the cafe. I have it with me. 

Y/N: oh… thank you.

KDY: no prob...oh I hope its not a problem I added you on ig

Y/N: no its okay we are friends I guess

KDY: haha I thought I was the insufferable asshole..

Y/N: you are...but not all the time. Look im sorry for saying shitty things about you. 

KDY: its all good. 

KDY: …….

Y/N: ..whats up?

You twirled your fingers as you watched the three dots from Doyoung pop up and disappear over and over again. What was taking him so long ? 

KDY: that guy….that you met at the cafe..is he your boyfriend ?

Y/N: Jungwoo ? no way we've been friends since high school.

KDY: oh..

Y/N:....why would you even ask that ?

KDY: curious. 

Y/N: curious about who I'm dating ??

KDY: A little. 

You frowned at your phone and noticed Doyoung had changed his profile picture to a selfie. The picture was..something alright. You bit down on your lip as you enlarged the picture, which showed a wet haired Doyoung with his head resting in his palm and his long index finger was placed between his plump lips. 

“Fuck y/n get yourself together” you gave yourself a pep talk before opening his chat back up again. 

Y/N X KDY  10.54PM

Y/N: fine if you can ask a question can I ask one..

KDY: go ahead 

Y/N: who do you keep thirst trapping for ?

KDY: ….haha thirst trapping ? 

Y/N: Yeah who do keep posting these hot pics for huh

KDY: …..

KDY: You think i'm hot ?

Fuck. Why did you word it that way. You groaned immediately regretting sending that message but something in you was so curious about him you decided to just risk it, what was the worst that could happen ? 

Y/N: well yeah, I mean I'm sure everyone thinks you're attractive, you seem to know it too. 

KDY: wow. 

KDY: I think you're hot too. 

What the hell was going on. You felt your face heat up and you placed your pillow in between your legs as you turned on your side. 

KDY: I was almost disappointed when I thought Jungwoo was your boyfriend, he's way too passive. 

Y/N: ...and what makes you think you know what kind of man I need ?

KDY: hmmm

KDY: first of, with that fucking attitude of yours..A dominate one. 

You swallowed hard as you felt a tingle in your stomach, squeezing your thighs together on the pillow to create more friction. 

Y/N: I could say the same for you. 

KDY: You may think youre dominate in many aspects...but when it comes to fucking..im the one in charge. 

God you hated how hot that sounded. He had you in the palm of his hand through text. You were a mess and he wasn't even the room to fuel it. You wanted him so fucking bad it was insane. 

Y/N: running your mouth doesn't equate to doing it you know...

KDY:.....

KDY: then would you like me to show you ?

Everything happened so damn fast. One minute you two were texting the next minute you were sharing your apartment location and Doyoung was on his way over. You scrambled to put on sexier underwear and do your hair, still in shock by the fact that Doyoung was on his way over to bang you. 

You jumped when you heard the doorbell and realized it was him. Opening the door you were greeted to a very different look of Doyoung. His hair was messy and reached his eyes. Instead of his usual black academic attire he wore a loose white vest that showed off his toned chest and arms, along with a pair of grey sweatpants. 

“Hi” Doyoung smirked, his eyes were dark as he scanned your figure. 

“Hi” you responded, leaning against the wall in the hallway and looked up at him. Doyoung slowly approached you, like a lion circling its prey. His slender fingers danced lightly along your body, drawing a line from your waist until he found your throat and wrapped his cold fingers around it. He bit down on his lip as he studied how perfectly his hand looked around it and squeezed gently, smirking after hearing a soft moan emit from you. 

“I want you to do as I say, any back chat from you will get you punished you got that ?” he brought his lips down to your neck and exhaled. 

You nodded in response but that wasn't good enough for Doyoung. You felt his squeeze on your throat once more and he used his hips to pin you against the wall, “use your words” he gritted his teeth. 

“Yes sir” you replied obediently, and felt him smile against your neck. 

“Good girl, and if i'm too rough let me know so I can stop okay ?” he replied, his voice changed and it was much sweeter and genuine than before. He placed a soft kiss on your cheek when you nodded and led you to the bed. 

Doyoung lay you on the bed, already stripping off his shirt and ordered you to undress yourself and rid him off his sweatpants. You bit down on your lip taking notice of how aroused he was when you palmed his member. 

Doyoung watched you through hooded eyes as you discarded his sweatpants and boxers. He softly patted your head and grabbed a tuft of your hair in order to make you look up at him. 

“Spit” he ordered, and held out his hand and you did as you were told. You watched as he lathered himself with it, moaning as he stroked himself. He was so damn sexy, biting down on lip and slowly pleased himself as you watched. 

“Do you want this inside you sweetheart ?” he cooed and placed a finger under chin. 

You nodded quickly, “Yes please” 

“What do you want me to do baby ?” He purred and hovered over you as you lay on the bed, breathing heavily as his fingers moved against your warm skin, tracing your curves, ghosting over your heat and returning back to your lips to insert a digit inside. 

Doyoung watched diligently as you sucked on his finger like the good girl he knew you were. He finally pulled his finger out and with one swift movement entered with his member before you could even respond to his question. You moaned as he quickly slammed his hips into yours, wasting no time in gaining a rhythm as you marked his back with scratch marks feeling as though you were on a high. 

Doyoung fucked you like a pro, wasting no time to switch positions and had you on all fours, slapping your ass before slamming into you again, that pretentious smirk forming on his face as he heard your whimpers asking him for more. 

“Are you ready to cum sweetheart ?” he asked, pulling you up as his strokes became slower and tugged on your ear with his teeth. 

“Y-yes yes i'm ready” you panted.

“What's the magic word ?” he growled as he grabbed your throat and slowed down his pace as you were nearing your climax. 

“Fuck youre so annoying PLEASE, please let me cum Doyoung fuck” 

Doyoung chuckled and picked up his pace until you finally climaxed and he followed shortly after, collapsing in the bed next to you. 

“You have such an attitude God” he rolled his eyes playfully, bringing the blanket over your bodies and grinned when you moved in to cuddle him. 

“I guess you will have to fix that some time” you yawned and wrapped your arm around his waist, “but I have to admit, maybe I do enjoy the insufferable Kim Doyoung bossing me around once in a while.”

[lozzatnt]

a few weeks ago, I went on my first overnight trip on my motorbike. it was quite a big deal for me, as I've never gone more than a few miles from home, in my usual commute. so 2 days work down in Bognor Regis was the perfect chance to get out of town!

the timing wasn't ideal, to say the least... I just had my first covid jab on the day I planned to travel down. its safe to say that my arm felt a bit achey. but I couldn't let that stop me! I was honestly just glad that it didn't make me feel ill.

secondly, I checked the weather forecast and it was set to piss it down for the whole week! but regardless, I put on my rain gear and set off.

my bag was pretty heavy. I had my chain lock and disk lock (paranoid londoner alert), as well as 3 days worth of clothes and toiletries. as it was a work thing, I bought my laptop too. it all added up to a fair weight on my back, but I figured I was pretty strong (and a bit cocky??) and went for it.

as I left, it started spitting a bit. I figured that would be the extent of it, but after about 5 miles, the heavens absolutely opened. I was drenched a few minutes into my first big trip. but I've seen plenty of bikers braving the elements so kept my head down and plowed on.

I'll be honest - I was a bit stressed about the navigation. I used my wireless earphones (just one) and the voice of apple maps to take me down south. it actually turned out great. I only made a couple of wrong turns, which did add a bit of time to the trip! but overall, it worked well. it would have been great to see the map too, but without a phone holder on my bike, that simply wasn't going to happen. regardless, apple maps delivered!

I got out of London fairly quickly and painlessly. it was a Tuesday night at about 8pm and therefore more or less dead on the roads.

what I didn't totally think about, was going through the albeit amazing country roads of Surrey, with the world's wankiest LED headlight on my poor little 125. oh. and in the pouring rain!

I can imagine all the experienced bikers out there rolling their eyes at me being a massive snowflake. but yeah it wasn't my usual well lit London commute that I'm used to! far out of my comfort zone but a good challenge, providing that I came out alive!!

the visibility was so poor but I knew that in the sunshine, this place would be incredible (which I found out on the way back!).

about half way, my legs were cramping, my back ached a bit and I was drenched. I couldn't pluck up the courage to open my bag to find my clothes damp and creased. and yep. no iron in the Travelodge!

but I hopped back on and carried on to my next stop - the shell garage, about 3/4s of the way there. it was a bit of a slog, I'll be honest. but I gained so much from the trip. I felt much more natural on the bike, which I never totally achieved from my commute alone. I normally chicken out of riding in the rain, and just get the bus instead, so it was useful experience to see what I could handle in the rain. and also importantly, what my bike could handle too.

I checked my phone to see how far it would be to the garage. I must admit, I was a bit worried if I'd make it on my pea sized fuel tank. I really should have stopped sooner. the hills were sapping at my fuel, and my gauge kept going up and down, every time I looked.

It felt a bit weird to be going 60 on some of these super bendy roads. in London, it's 30mph or even 20 in most places, so it was a bit of a test for me to keep up all the time on my little bike. the cars seemed to be going 60 most of the time, where I was happier a bit slower. I pulled over to let them pass, and carried plodding along! I wish I could keep up to be honest, but I was acutely aware of the mental weather conditions, my terrible lights and my ability not to lock the brakes. but I played it safe, and as I neared Chichester, I felt a real sense of achievement. something I've not felt in a long time, to be honest.

It was a relief to find streetlight lined A roads on the way into the city. I could see again! and although sopping wet, I had a real second wind. I reached the shell garage and filled her up. I must have looked mad when I walked into the garage with a birds nest for hair and dripping all over the floor. sexy.

I treated myself to a coke and some chocolate (yep still a kid at heart) and got on my way to the hotel. As I fannied around trying to find the hotel, in the city centre (apple maps did mess me around...) I finally saw the sign to the hotel and parked up next to the bike rack. always gets me in a good mood when there's something to lock on to!

I checked into my room and hung my gear up, in desperate hope for it all to dry out by the morning (no such luck of course), and fell asleep almost instantly with a bit of family guy on.

my laptop survived, probably due to it's snuggly case, and although my clothes were a bit fucked - creased and soaked to the max, it was so worth the trip.

I could have just got the train there, but I feel like I have so many memories from the trip, that it would be such a shame to miss out on all that. after my 2 days of work were over, I drove back in the sunshine - it was such a highlight. Surry really is amazing.

I just wish I took more photos, but I still have some great memories and the hope of another trip sometime soon. I think motocamping will be on the cards next! rude not to

[memory-hoarder]

WARNING (LONG POST AHEAD)

I turn off the lights, scrolled my phone and clicked the Spotify app currently listening to (calming acoustic) 10: 05 PM, best time to unleashed all emotions that piled up from nowhere. I covered myself with a huge blanket and placed the laptop on my lap and decided to visit my page. I know, I'm being inactive lately but I'm doing my best to update my journal publicly to remind me of my long absences.

Tonight, I decided to post the questions I received a night before my birthday celebrated. I kept this on my file for a month now. Admittedly, this is the huge decision I made on my birthday. So, I asked a random people on my messenger lists - some are my work colleagues while others are acquaintances. At first, I am hesitant to ask for favor to anyone but I did. Well, I guess it was successful though I received different reactions - some confused and thought I was making fun while others are game on to sent their questions. Obviously, it took days for me to answered cos it turns out that I wasn't prepared myself for few questions that somehow affects me literally.

The twist here is I am not allow to send my answer to their questions. However, I can answer it through this journal. Which I described as bravery.

Here are some of the questions:

How’s Life? How’s Life?

A question that been asked me twice. Well, this year was the great sadness of my life that challenged me mentally, emotionally and drained me physically. Sometimes a mere struggle on financially. I’m doing fine but lots of times I seriously breaking down especially the trauma of what happened 8 months ago. But today, I accepted the fact and slowly healing me and appreciate what really God’s intention and plan for my life.

Are you happy right now?

Not sure how to put it into words but there is no reason not to be happy. Right? If you just appreciate the life you are living right now or even the smallest thing that makes you smile or giggle I guess there is no reason to be sad at all. Although, lots of times I felt happy, sad, angry or lost. But there are still lots of reasons to celebrate or be joyful too. I juts let myself felt all the emotions that life wanted me to experienced to remind me that I indeed exist. There are people who could bring me joy and sadness at the same time but all I know they are all part of my journey.

Have you ever missed me before we lost our communication? Do you consider me as true friend?

Of course, I do. I miss the old you the person who I genuinely treasured during my college days. And, you are one of the reasons why I indeed survived college. I just don’t understand why we both let this friendship died. Was it because we no longer catch up? But, how I hope building friendship again will no longer hard as I imagined. But, please know that you became part of my story. I always count on you whenever I am sad and confused. I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts because I know you will never judge me. Hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourself!

Why there are times you don’t have the mood to talk?

Because, I read my surroundings and I feel comfortable being alone not to isolate but to process my own thoughts with myself which my normal thing growing up and I choose this way - became aloof at times not wanted to talk to anyone or go out. It makes me sad to think only few understand my personality. However, I can't just normalize this because of extrovert people I knew. I don’t have mood to talk and I push away people closed to me because I find a happy place being alone. Its not sad or dark what it gives me is peace of mind that no on can offer.

Would you like to change your past or stay on your present path? Why and why not?

I believed majority will choose the past, we all wanted to change one thing that we regret of doing - apologies, goodbye's, places to travel, opportunities we must have and other important things we slip away that is why I choose the past over my present. One thing I am eager to experience all over again is my mom's precious life, only if I had the power to bring her back. I was just 16 years old when she died, and I think the years of her being a mother to us will never be enough. However, her life is a blessing and all the valuable teachings that she imparted on me and to my siblings will remain on us forever. How I wish for her to at least see as growing up especially my brother that she spoiled a lot, and for us to give back all the things she deserved. I imagined date her on a restaurant, buy her clothes, treat her to the salon or accompany her on the grocery store. I also wanted to visit the past to catch up with my high school friends – Mira and Jeno, I will never forget how they literally brings me deep joy and the reason I am early bird during junior high because of the dare. I just missed the sound of Jeno's sense of humor, I treated her more than a friend rather a sister and it broke me when I received the news that he's gone. I was not there for him nor visit his and mom's grave for years now. I wanted to comfort Mira, but I am too far away and impossible to have my own money for my flight expenses. What I did is to cried and prayed for his soul. All of the good memories flashed back once more yet I realized God might took away two beautiful souls in my life but I am confident they watching over and guiding me through life.

I am or was curious regarding James situation, did it ever cross your mind you regret James being your boyfriend?

In all of the questions I received this one hits me hard to the core. For everyone’s knowledge James and I are in a relationship for over 4 years now. Just like other couples we did fight over little things yet we matured and grow together. One thing I really loved about James Charlie is how kind and pure his heart. He helps people as long as he can even himself are struggling to live. Not to mention his over confidence that I am jealous of. I guess, because of how friendly and inviting his amour. Also, a talented one he knows how to dance, sing and imitate different kinds of sounds, He’s grammar and vocabulary are lit. He can also play guitar very well, draw portrait’s and even writing a poems. He knew, he won my heart through his creative abilities. I was also surprised how he interested over history of aliens, bermuda triangle, mermaids and what I consistently heard of the Pyramid of Giza, life documentaries and other related history of it. I find him sexy whenever he talked about some of it. Our age gap is never an issue on our relationship and I am lucky that he guided me on everything, considered my opinions or thoughts and when I freaked out badly which occasionally happened he handle me perfectly and I appreciated his temperament level during my anxiety attacks or whenever I choose to isolate myself him being shut off. He understood me in my own terms and be myself. Yet relationship will test your loved from one another, there were also things that I don’t like of him doing however James does listened to me. He listens to advises either coming from me or from other people that cared for him. He is a vocal person, that one thing that I fall for him is his sense of humor. I guess talkative and being clingy towards person is his nature especially growing up in a broken family. Consistent communication is a key. I remembered he told me that I was different to all the girls she dated on his past life. That I am out of his league, he doesn’t know that he is of out my league too but when I know him deeply he taught me lessons in life and felt his warm love. Over the course of our relationship he respect the limitless of our love language and he accepted and understood the love without intimacy is a different level of love and respect and from his perspective I wanted everyone to know that James has a huge respect towards me, my beliefs and reasons. How someone could wait for something that he can easily took away something on his past relationship. Our relationship is somehow changed us individually into a better person. Getting older, he became dreamer and goal oriented. I witnessed all his hard work, that he celebrated through silence. He wanted to build home and think of small business that will be our retirement in the future. How many kids we wanted or how many dogs we will going to breed. I guess, some people misunderstood James for so long, how miserable life that no one to talk and curse during your victories or failures? Friends and addiction in alcohol and other stuff are his way of escaped, escape from the reality that lead him to take his own precious life once. I know how difficult life for him way back on his early 20’s that he fought all his battle alone and how he overcome his depression and addiction without someone to lean on. And nowadays, everything makes sense to me that I realize being independent sometimes is not a choice but more on a decision. decision and accepting no one will guide you through your journey so you have to do it alone either it brings you sadness or happiness in a process, not to count living alone and make money all by yourself. I agreed he might do bad decision in life but that doesn’t mean his life has no purpose at all. Instead, God is confident that he will win this battle not for everyone, not for the sake of me or our relationship but for himself. As for our current situation, I know being with him and fight through the end will inspired him a lot. Yes, he currently working on his self and will prove to everyone when the time comes that he will be able to regain his new

life and continue living.

We introverts, tend to think a lot, like really overthink a lot. What do you mostly overthink and how deep? Deep, like does it leads you to think more negatively resulting to depression? (mild depression, maybe).

I overthink some scenarios on my head when it really affects my whole being and when every time I think of it, obviously it trigger my anxiety not depression I guess. I can recall one or two hard situations that happened to me, and I know it wasn’t me trying to act that way. I even punished myself and literally breakdown trying to hurt myself, call me freak or whatever cos now I asked myself too how I even allowed myself to did terrible things, because anxiety creeping on me and telling me to do it. But, mostly I think of is my future and myself – deep that it scared me a lot. I have lot of questions of this world that I keep on searching by myself until now.

Why it took for you to share your problems?

Honestly, when I’m having a serious problem I am not confident to share to anybody except to my family who already knew. It took too long because advises no longer work for me, I listened because it was normal people do – advise and advise. Maybe, it was me who are picky to share my problem with, sometimes people listened but never in heart. Not all people deserve to know your struggle and during your lowest times, I have my own terms of coping so you do.

How do you maintain your petite body? If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

Wow! I never see this coming. Well, I guess being fit is what I inherited on my father's side. They not so fat unlike on my mother's side. I have no limit on foods I intake in other words not your discipline person to look up to. I do eat carbs, junk foods and sodas is always on my list. I never worried if I am physically fit aside from walking Maxine during days off. I don't know how do I maintain this body I guess I'm never. Being fit actually is my insecurity. However, I do loved my body whatever what happen.

Well, if I had 3 wishes in life - first, to end this pandemic so that everything will back to normal. second, for James to have peace of mind and good health while waiting for the process of his case. And, lastly, for me to be strong, lasting patience and strong faith.

How would you solve your problems?

Problems is always part of lives. But, I believed it is always about the degree of the problem. Whenever, I had problem sometimes I resolved it in time but other times I need more time and space to think what will be the resort of it. And, pray for some guidance.

As independent being, how do you handle depression and anxiety?

Good thing to end all of this questions, I became independent when I graduated from college. I have to commute 131 kilometers back and forth from another city just to apply on my first job and the process is never easy at all. When you sent all of your applications form on each companies but never accepted It brought so much sadness, one point of my life I am eager to seek job because I used it as my coping mechanism to walked away from home which I did now, I walked away to protect my peace of mind especially having anxiety growing up and having this thing is hard as people imagined. You might only see darkness and feel of losing but for me, I guess for a year now I handled myself perfectly I never allow this condition to swallow me whole and affect my way of living. I reminded myself to keep strong and remain optimist and always protect my peace of mind at all cost.

.

I am 24 now strong and happy and leaving Haruki Murakami quote: "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what storms all about"

[girlwithshipsshitshow]

Part 11

Misaki: (Runs hands through his hair) Sorry Takahiro, I was going to call you, but i've been a little preoccupied with my fiance here..

Takahiro: I had to hear it from this guy (Taps Isaka's chest) Luckily he didn't sound worried so...

Takahiro, Isaka: Wait did you just say Fiance?

Misaki: Oh yeah, we got engaged saturday.

Isaka: (Walks over to Usagi, salps usagi on the shoulder who groans in pain) Congrats man, you finally asked him!

Usagi: (Raspy voice) Uh, actually Misaki asked me, and please don't hit me I just has surgery.

Takahiro: Are you okay Usagi-san?

Usagi: I'm fine

Takahiro: (Walks over to Misaki and Usagi) So, you guys are getting married?

Misaki: Yes, Yeah we are.

Takahiro: We'll congrats.

Misaki: Yeah, you don't seem so happy about it.

Takahiro: I haven't even gotten used to the idea of you guys dating and now you're engaged?

Misaki: Yeah, we'll my plan was to propose after we told you and before I graduated, so I don't really care if you've gotten used to it, we've been dating for years without you knowing and now that you know we can fully be happy, and if i'm sorry if you can't get on board.

Takahiro: I can, I just need time to processes all this.

Misaki: We'll right now, we need to focus on Usagi, so this conversation isn't happening right now.

Takahiro: (Nods walks over to the sofa and sits down beside Aikawa).

Isaka: Well I'm happy for you. (Smiles awkwardly, and goes to sit on the sofa).

(Nurse Rose walks in and smiles at Aikawa causing her to blush, she sits on the arm of the sofa causing her to blush more, her heart was beating out of her chest, hopefully no one could hear it.)

Nurse rose: Looks like we have a full house.

Misaki: Yeah, my brother Takahiro is beside Aikawa, and beside him is the senior manager at the publishing company where Usagi's work is published, his name is Isaka.

Takahiro, Isaka: Hello.

Nurse Rose: So how is everyone doing? Usagi the cafe is about to close so if you want anything to eat you should place and order now, otherwise I can get you some liquid broth and tea from up here.

Usagi: I'll just take whatever's up here.

Nurse Rose: Sure, the four of you should probably go grab some food.

Misaki: I want to stay here

Usagi: No, you need to eat.

Misaki: (Sighs)

Usagi: I'll be fine for an hour, I promise.

Isaka: (Stands up, walks over to Misaki, Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder), Come on Misaki, he'll be okay.

Misaki: (Stands up) Okay (Softly places hand on Usagi's cheek and and leans down to kiss him, he softly whispers "I love you" against his lips, before giving him another kiss.

Nurse Rose: Okay, so I can take you guys up to the cafe, (confused look) It's on the fivthteen floor for some reason, never understood that, shall we go everyone?

Misaki, Isaka, Takahiro, and Aikawa: (All follow Nurse rose out of the room, and onto the elevator).

Nurse Rose: Alright fun ride! I'm on my break before going into my night shift, do you guys mind if I eat with you?

Misaki: (gently nudges Aikawa)

Aikawa: (Slants eyebrows and mouths "what")

Misaki: (Nods at her)

Aikawa: Um, Nurse Rose?

Nurse Rose: (Smiles) I'm on break, you can just call me Rose.

Aikawa: (Blushes). Um you can join us for dinner.

Nurse Rose: Oh, that's cool! Thanks. I want to get to know you more.

Aikawa: (Clears throat) Uh, a- all- all of us.

(Elevator dings, they all get off following nurse rose to the cafe, They all get a large plate of shrimp tempura to share, and chicken broth, options were limited, since it was late and the cafe would be closing soon. Isaka, and Takahiro followed Nurse Rose to a table in the far corner of the restaurant, while Misaki and Aikawa trailed behind.

Aikawa: When she said she wants to get to know you, she meant all of us right?

Misaki: (Laughs) No, she wants to get to know YOU.

Aikawa: What does that mean?

Misaki: It means she likes you.

Aikawa: So you're engaged and suddenly you're the relationships expert? Isn't Usagi your first relationship?

Misaki: (Scuffs) And how many relationships have you been in?

(They approach the table, Nurse rose grins at Aikawa)

Misaki: See she's smiling at you.

Aikawa: No, she's Being friendly

Nurse Rose: Aikawa, I saved you a seat. (Pats the seat)

Misaki: See, (Walks over and sits beside Isaka.

Isaka: CHIBI!! (Throws arms around Misaki)

Misaki: What!?

Isaka: What's happening, how are you handling this?

Misaki: (Takes a bite of the shrimp). As well as I can be

Isaka: Good, so tell me , what's going on with those two?

(Across the table)

Rose: So how long have you known Akihiko?

Aikawa: Oh many years, he's a pain in the ass, but he's a good guys, he's like my brother.

Rose: So you've never had any sort of feelings for him?

Aikawa: (Snorts) Oh god no! He's never been into girls and the one person he's "loved" before Misaki didn't feel that way about him. Misaki's the love of his life.

Rose: (Touches Aikawa's hand) And what about you?

Aikawa: (Blushes) What about me?

Rose: (Chuckles) You ever been in love.

Aikawa: I'm in love with my Job.

Rose: Ah, one of those people.

Aikawa: One of what people?

Rose: Your life is your job and you never dedicate anytime to yourself, or anything else.

Aikawa: That-

Rose: Not true?

Aikwawa: (blushes) I need to make some time for myself?

Rose: How about tomorrow?

Aikawa: Tomorrow?

Rose: I get off at 5, we can get dinner?

Aikawa: I-

Isaka, Misaki: SAY YES!

Rose: (laughs)

Aikawa: Um, Yes!

Rose: Okay, cool. Um can I get your number?

Aikawa: Oh, um sure. (takes phone out of pocket, the two exchange numbers), Um you can call me Eri.

Isaka: Whoa! You never let anyone call you by your first name.

Aikawa: Isaka, hush.

Rose: (Laughs, we should probably head back, Im sure Akihiko is hungry, and it's almost seven so visiting hours are almost over, everyone has to head home. Except you Misaki, legally you can stay.

Isaka: What, why does he get to stay.

Rose: (Raises eyebrows),Misaki's his fiance.Don't worry the rest of you can come back at six am. Anyway we should get going, you have thirty minutes to say goodnight to your friend, and Misaki I can bring some sheets and a warm cover up so you can fix up the sofa, it pulls out into a bed.

Misaki: Thank you Nurse Rose.

(Misaki sat with his arms crossed and a foot up in the chair,he watched as Nurse rose fixed the sofa for him,she was smiling and humming, apparently she was happy about her date with Aikaw,it was around seven-thirty and everyone had already left, Usagi flipped through the tv channels and sipped on a third cup of tea, his seaced IV bag had been replaced when they came back upstairs and he had his second round of antibiotics, his vitals were still looking good, and he would have labs drawn around three in the morning, his bandages had been replaced and his surgery area looked good, other than the labs, and nurse rose checking on them throughout the night they should be good).

Misaki: You didn't have to make up the sofa, I could've done it by myself.

Nurse Rose: That's okay. It's my job.

Usagi: Misaki, relax let someone do something for you for once, plus don't you have an exam to study for? maybe do that for an hour huh?

Misaki: Fine. (Walks over to table near the window, grabs laptop, walks back over to Usagi and starts to work on study guide.

Usagi: Is this for German?

Misaki: Uh, Yeah.

Usagi: How do you feel about that?

Misaki: Good.

Usagi: Your grades are still passing?

Misaki: Ugh, yes Usagi, god you're in the hospital and you're still nagging me?

Usagi: (Reaches hand out) I just want you to graduate, you've worked so hard.

Misaki: (Smiles, takes his hand) I know, thank you.

Nurse rose: (Sits on the armchair of the sofa, she smiles at them). Do you Guys always banter like this?

Misaki: (Chuckles) Yeah kinda our thing.

Nurse Rose: So how long have you guys been together?

Usagi: (Moves bed up): Um, almost five years.

Nurse rose: How did you meet.

Misaki: He used to be my tutor, and was in love with my brother.

Nurse Rose: Really?

Usagi: Yeah, Kinda a long story.

Nurse Rose: And that doesn't make it weird.

Misaki: Um, there were times early in our relationship when I was worried he was still in love with him but-

Usagi: His brother means a lot to me, but Misaki's the love of my life, I love him so fucking much, I'll never love anyone as much as Misaki, he's my everything.

Nurse Rose: Wow, That's so sweet.

Misaki: (Sobbing) Usagi, stop saying stuff like that, I need to study.

Usagi: (Smirks) You already know that's how i feel about you, I say it to you all the time.

Misaki: Yeah, but i'm studyyinngggg.

Usagi: (Laughs). Get back to studying.

Misaki: You know i feel the same way about you right baby?

Usagi: Ahh, did you just call me baby? Do it again.

Misaki: Mmmhm, can't studying, watch tv or somthing.

Nurse Rose: Well (stands).If You need anything, you know how to get ahold of me.

Usagi: Yes, thank you.

Nurse Rose: (Exits).

(Misaki slams laptop and places it on the table in front of Usagi before pushing it out of the way, surprising him).

Usagi: Misaki, what are you doing? because we can't have sex if that's what you're trying to do. I mean I really want to, but we can't.

Misaki: No, I know that, but I have news.

Usagi: What news makes you act like THAT.

Misaki: Nurse Rose and Aikawa have a date tomorrow!

Usagi: Awe good for them.

Misaki: Why aren't you more Excited!

Usagi: I'll be more excited once you pass the test!

Misaki: (Grabs laptop) You're no fun.

Usagi: I-

Misaki: You just want me to graduate BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Usagi: Misaki

Misaki: I'm studying, I'm studying.

Misaki: Done, are you happy? (he looked beside him, it was ten, Usagi was out cold, he placed his laptop on the table, turned the lights off, and changed the channel to some dumb sitcom that would give him a good laugh and walked back over to Usagi, he softly ran his fingers through his soft grey hair, and leaned down softy giving him a kiss on the lips). Goodnight my love (He walked over the the sofa and sighed as he crawled under the covers, it felt weird not cuddling next to Usagi, they've been doing it a lot more recently and he knew he would have a hard time sleeping not wrapped in Usagi's arms, he drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

[btssunnyboy]

Partners In Crime - Jeon Jungkook Part 1

You had a vendetta, and this was your chance. You were gonna prove yourself, but now you got another person to worry about.

Word Count - 3,131

Warning - Undercover Agent! AU, profanity and mentions of drinking.

Masterlist

Also I’m back after a few months break I’m so sorry, but hopefully I’ll be back with a lot more updates!!!

━━━━━━━━━━━

"I absolutely refuse! I'm more then qualified to handle this mission on my own."

The words slipped pasted your lips quicker then you intended. Venom laced through every word, as you stared stared at your higher up. His eyes threatened to roll back in his head ; agitation clearly visible through his stressed state. He released a heavy breath, while pinching the bridge of his nose. His hands form together into bone crushingly tight fist.

"L/n! Work with me! You need a partner for this assignment and he's the perfect coverup!" Mr. Jones ushered out as his eyes glanced cautiously at the clock. The small ticks that erupted from the small machine filling the tense silence that was floating in the air. His leg shook wildly in return in made the floorboards squeak underneath the shaky weight.

"I've been working Jackson Wang's case for over six months! His banquet is my shot to prove I'm worthy of my spot on this team!" You bellowed, comic stream bursting from your ears. Your face was red from embarrassment, disappointment and most importantly anger. Pure, boiling, hot anger seeping through every crevice of your body. This was chance to prove that you weren't a rookie anymore! This was a chance to live up to what you father used to be on this force.

"You've shown your worth more then enough times to be about of my department, but this is a mission that requires back up. It's too dangerous even for you." Mr. Jones sighed once more when he noticed your posture. Stick straight back, with clenched hands and jaw. You were passed the state of furious, and he knew hell was about to rain down. "Can I at least tell you his name."

"Of course it's a guy."

"His name is Jeon Jungkook. He's one of the top residents we have, and he's moving up through the ranks remarkably well." The sickly sweet comment rolled off of his tongue with such ease. It disgusted you down to your core. You didn't need a partner to handle Jackson Wang. You've dealt with his accomplices, and you sure as hell can take a guy like him on. "Now would you please stop making a big scene."

On one hand Mr. Jones had a point. Your reaction was starting to take the form of a five year old who just got told no to a brand new toy. You were overreacting, but with a good reason to back it up. This was your main chance ; you didn't want to be shadowed by some partner who would take all the credit. This was your shot, and you desperately needed it. Your worth in this department now rests on the hands of someone called Jeon Jungkook.

Before you mouth could open to add more snarky comment chief's door swung open. I'm walked a man who was almost your age, but maybe a bit older. His big doe eyes held so much innocence ; you almost pity the man who decided to work in a job like this. A job that requires you to be deceiving in every way, a job that tests your limits, and a job that puts your life in danger every time you walk out those doors. Being undercover has it's downfalls, and it may corrupt a sweet guy like him.

"This is your partner. Jeon Jungkook meet L/n Y/n."

"It's a pleasure to meet you! I've actually heard so much about you!" He beamed while staring softly at you. His hand was extended, and your whole body was hesitant to even shake his hand. He noticed the delay, and awkwardly pulled his hand away, and rubbed the nape of his neck. "It's gonna be an honor working with you."

You stayed silent through the entire exchange. The way his smile dropped ever so slightly, but the gleam never left his eyes. His stare was now directed towards the chief. Desperately trying to get the train moving along, and bolt as fast as he could out those glass doors. The chief gave a sudden scoff, before he started making his point clear.

"Jeon I'm sorry for this unprofessional like matter coming from one of our finest, but you two need to work together." The message was supposed to be loud and clear. Both of you were supposed to understand that this mission is going to take every once of willpower from the both of you. "This is his case file, learn it, live it, and then catch it."

Sharp nods left the both of you, as you reached for your file. Flipping through what felt like miles of charges against him. Things been drug charges, third degree battery, and many, many more. This just goes to prove that money will get your dumbass out of any situation. This man has ruined lives, and here he is still allowed to roam the streets without a care in the fucking world.

"Jesus Christ how can this guy live with himself?" Jungkook mumbled while pulling his chair out. His eyes scanned each charge, and loudly showed his disapproval. His scoff filled the small room, as if practically reverberated throughout. "What do you think about all of this?"

His question lingered in the air, as a response was settled onto your tongue. It was searing in your mouth, begging to have the cool air hit it and diminish the intensity of it. Instead you stayed silent. Letting your eyes linger on the file, even though you knew everything about this man. His motives, his relationship, his goddamn childhood. You knew it all, and a personal vendetta was pushing you towards getting this bastard in jail. Him and his stupid connections ruined your life, and you're never going to forget that.

"I know this isn't exactly your idea type of mission, but I'm just here to help." Jungkook softly said as he pulled his chair to the front of your desk. His famous doe eyes staring so softly into yours. They had a gleam that looked like a whole universe was settled underneath his cornea. His smile was still on his face, as if you silence wasn't affecting him at all. He didn't seem to care, as he continued on this conversation. "We still need to think of a plan to catch him."

He wasn't wrong. This whole mission still needed to be planned out step by step. And all you've got so far is the fact he's in town for the week, and once he leaves this area your team's jurisdiction will be useful no more. It has to be you, and your partner who take him down. The mere thought of him leaving made your hands clench in anger once more. Your knuckles going white from the harsh grip, and you could already fill your nails tearing the skin of your palms. His eyes glanced down at your hands, and he took it as his sign to leave.

"You don't have to go." Your voice was so soft he almost didn't hear it. This was a drastic change from your demeanor back in the chief's office. You tightly shut your eyes, and wished you'd just kept your mouth shut. He was just about to leave, and you could've been alone to make a plan layout. This could've be done all by yourself, but something made you want him. Something made it hard to see him go. "Like you said we need a plan."

"Y-yeah! A plan if were gonna catch him we need to make sure that he's caught in the act. I figured the only reason why he's never be truly admitted to jail is that he's never been see doing these things. Someone else always manages to take the fault." Jungkook stammered, as he pulled out his laptop. His eyes scanning every detail of the records he's looking at. Different people each lined up with charge that some how correspond with Jackson Wang's charges. They go down for him, and he just leaves them there. What a sicko.

You nodded your head in understanding. He would get charged and then everything would be dropped. Only for another man to take the place, and as they said coincidental at the time. This plan needs two brains working together, a different perspective is exactly what this mission needs. Yet you still can't bring yourself to accept that. It was stupid sitting here in a mood just because you have to have a partner

"We have less then a week to catch up so Jeon Jungkook. What's our first move." You sighed as you leaned back in your seat. A curt nod came from him as he typed away on his computer, original doe soft eyes were pressed in harsh glares. His min was set on finding an answer, and it looked like he was set on finding one fast.

"His banquet, like we've mentioned before is our only shot there's no other way. The only problem is that we need an invitation." Jungkook grumbled as he slammed his laptop shut. He knew this was a big opportunity, and now he can't do anything about it.

"I've got that covered, before Bailey's incident she's was assigned this case and already acquired two tickets. Now this is our last shot bring him back home. Do I make myself clear?"  The chief spoke loudly. Making sure this was getting through both of your heads.

"Crystal."

"You're both two of the youngest on this team, make this count. And be careful, Jackson Wang is many things, but he's not a fool. One slip up and this whole operation goes down."

                     ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"So we have to look like a couple at this party." Jungkook sighed as he fixed the blazer that settled onto his broad shoulders. The sleek looking material complimented his body in an extraordinary way. He was actually looking the part of a wealthy business man, and that's exactly the cover up that was needed. "We still have a few days, maybe we should actually go on a date."

Your eyebrows shot up in a questionable look. Your head tilted to the side as well. The emerald dress in your hands suddenly worth a lot more attention then the dashing man in front of you. It felt stupid to get to know him considering after this mission you planned on never talking to him again. Hell you planned on staying quiet throughout the whole night at the banquet. Get in, get him and get the hell out. It wasn't supposed to be a bonding experience.

"Come on, I'm not that bad." He commented again, as he shrugged off the sleek material. He somehow looked even better without that jacket. His white button down shirt cling to his biceps, making him even more appealing. That same smile he always wore still graced his face. Almost like it was the only permanent expression he had. "I mean I'd like to get to know you considering we're gonna be on the same team after this."

You dreaded it when he spoke that sentence. You truly didn't mind him it's just, getting close to someone in this business has its consequences. Consequences that take every ounce of happiness in you, and rip it to shreds. You've gone through them enough to know just how terrible they actually are. You didn't want to experience that pain again, and Jungkook sure wasn't worth going through that guy wrenching pain once more. But you never know what could happen in the span of a week. Once more you stayed locked onto the target of the silky emerald dress in front of you.

"I just wanna make sure you're okay with being around me. If we have to look like a couple we're gonna have to be touching in some way to make it more believable. Maybe just tell me some lies, or say I love you. It's gonna be fake anyways."

The way he spoke so nonchalantly physically hurt your heart. It was so stupid to let those few words effect you in such a big way. You were gonna ditch him so you had no right to upset about this.

"Let's get take-out and go to my place tonight. This better be worth my night."

"Of course it's gonna be."

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It was a silent ride to your little apartment. The cars passing by providing only little bit of noise in the long car ride. You could tell he was itching to start a conversation based on the way his hand kept twitching. His eyes would shoot from the road back to your sleepy form. He just wanted to get to know you, and he's usually a talk active person. But he's scared he's gonna mess up things if he even speaks a word. He's worried that if he breathes the wrong way you're gonna complain even more. 

"Up here at the left." You said in a groggy tone, and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. A small yawn passing through once again. You honestly don't know if you're awake enough to even make it to your apartment door. But there is a hot takeout box in your lap, and it’s been a long day. Besides Lucy was definitely awake, and she’s always happy too see you. Well most of the time she is. Your keys wiggled in the lock as you tried to open the door. The sound of keys slapping against the concrete woke you up only slightly.

“Here let me do it.” He spoke softly as he took the keys from your weak grip. His hands softly guiding the takeout from yours. “If you want to reschedule it’s fine.”

“No it’s fine, when need this bonding experience anyways. Besides I think Lucy has already taken a liking to you.” You laughed lightly as the calico cat immediately rubbed her head against his jean clad legs. A soft purr erupting from her. The freaking cat loves him, but hisses at anyone else. “Well hello there.”

That little heifer has the audacity to love up on him, and completely ignore you. You’re the one who fills her green bowl, gives her half the food on your plate. And she goes to the stranger that smells like mint and chocolate.

“I swear she’s usually in a mood.” You commented, as you tossed your coat on the back of the couch. As Jungkook sat down she immediately made her nest on his lap. Like you said before, that little heifer. “Okay now lets start talking.”

“Okay, what’s your favorite tv show.” He softly said as he shoveled the noodles in his mouth. His eyes never leaving yours once more, as if he truly wanted to know. He’s actually taking this hang out session seriously.

“I’ve really been getting into body of proof recently, that was reason why I wanted to be a medical examiner at the start of my career.” You smiled at the memory. Your mom done everything in her power to put you on the right track. She was always worried you’d get chocked up dealing with dead bodies like that, but she was more worried you’d get caught in between a murderer and a victim. Like your new job was any better.

“Why didn’t you continue with that?” His question was innocent as all get outs. But it still hurt to even think about the reason why you dropped it from your worries all together.

“That a personal question for another time.” You sighed as you wiped the corners of your mouth. Your eyes staying down casted towards the hardwood floors. When you noticed how Lucy’s food bowl was empty you took that as your chance to leave. Slowly searching through your kitchen cabinets looking for favorite chicken meal.

“Oh, okay. I didn’t realize, that it was like that.”

“You couldn’t have know, it’s fine how about we move onto the next topic.”

He sucked in air through his teeth as he raked his mind for another topic. The air was tense, and that was the last thing he wanted. He cleared his throat, as he lightly stroked Lucy’s head. She dug her head further into his hand ; trying to appreciate the warmth that he was giving her.

“Look I’m sorry I keep making everything so difficult. I’m not trying too it’s just in this job I’m scared to open up. It’s gotten me in some trouble, and that almost took me out.” You confessed as you popped open the cat food. Hearing her small paws tapping against the hardwood floors once more. You wiped your hands off on your jeans, and turned to face him fully. His head was tilted in the way yours does, and his eyes held that curious gleam once more.

“I understand that to an extent, but we’re just talking right now nothing bad is gonna happen.” He smiled as he pushed himself up off the couch. Leaning down with a huff he sat beside of you and watched at Lucy lapped up the food that was left in her plate. As soon as she was done she moved towards the man behind her. She happily rubbed her small head underneath his chin.

“Lucy seems pretty content with you, maybe that’s a good sign.” You half smiled as you twirled her soft tail around you index finger. Successfully gaining her attention, as your little baby licked at the tips of your fingers. “How about we put in a random movie, and go from there.”

He smiled widely as he rushed towards the small component underneath the tv. His eyes gleaming happily as he traced the spine of each dvd. Before his eyes settled onto the marvel section. His hands grasped the dozens of DVD’s and sprawled the across the floor. Ranging from Captain American to the one and only Endgame. A small chuckled passed through his lips as he held up one of the Iron Man disc.

“We can bond over one of my favorite movies.”

“I’ll get drinks.” You smiled as you raced towards your cabinets once. Pulling out the wine from the back corner. The beautiful blue bottle shinning underneath the soft lights of your kitchen. Pulling out two wine glasses you jumped onto the couch beside of him.

“I’m ready whenever you are.” He tipped his glass towards you with a suggestive smile. His eyes lingering towards the alcohol in your hands.

“Okay then let’s play the infamous twenty-one questions.” You spoke as you poured the wine and let it flow into the glasses. Watching as the foam started to settle. Taking a sip, and letting the cool liquid soothe you throat. “What made you want to go undercover.”

“Let’s get ready for a story.”

[rochey1010]

Clip 3 S3E3

Ok, so context of this clip is that Lucas is suffering in his bedroom and he has his laptop out and he decides to do a sexuality test. He answers the questions and the results he gets don't help him at all. He scores on the far end of the heterosexuality scale. So Lucas decides to google how to hide if you're gay. It brings him to a message board and he reads a tuturro post telling him to dude bro it up and use gay slurs on others, choose girls that are shy, and if they want to take it further, dump them and switch for another. The point is you need to hype up the masculinity so others won't suspect anything. Lucas is left staring off struggling with what he is about to do.

Ok so my thoughts are that S3 really captured these deeply introspective moments with Lucas so damn well. We are deep in his head with him here. And not just here, but all through his season. The script lets Axel convey this torment and confusion without words.😔 And Axel plays it so damn well. He doesn't need cliches to get across how hard this is for him. And how deep his internalised homophobia really goes. And yes shade very much intended for that remake that didn't trust the internalised homophobia and how their Isak could get it across without resorting to shock value drama which is then forgotten about 2 days later with a public makeout session. 😑

Here you can tell that there is a writer that is part of the gay community, as he really shows a youth struggling with the issues of sexuality. And again no dialogue here. But we hear it loud and clear. Lucas knows he's gay. And it's all about the label which is a typical teenage insecurity. The desire to conform and fit in to your peer group. The fear of being different and being seen as less. So you fake it, do stuff out of the ordinary. What gives away the true nature of a person is that they try to hard to hide and take it too far. And Lucas is about to. 🙄

But we know why. We are seeing this play out, and Lucas afraid. And his symbolism for POLARIS is that he lives in the light, he's out in the open but wears his mask. So instead of running to hide, Lucas is around all these people and constantly having to perform. And oh boy does he perform. And the sad thing is Lucas wants to lie to himself as we see him botch the sexuality test. He's not being truthful even alone. So he's willing to put himself in a place of denial.😣

Then he needs reassurance about how to fake it. And we see that the message board he ends up in. The advice is hyper toxic masculinity. 💪Like a frat boy who makes derrogatory comments, constantly sexualises girls and butches it up. And who in his friend group right now is the definition of that? Bas. and i feel that he's the direct contrast with Lucas here, as being in Lucas's head? And around the boy group compared to the girl group? That is because it's Lucas's season and he perceives his friends in this hormonal 'girls girls girls sex sex sex' way. It's ultimate peer pressure and it alienates him. Pushes him towards safer places like the girlsquad. So i really feel it's great how the show has set up the girlsquad/Lucas bond in a very reasonable way. 👌

And we see too that Lucas hates this. We see he doesn't want do this, that this is not really him and how hard he's fighting with this. Just that stare off at the end is heartbreaking. And i must bring Eliott into this for a minute, because i'm clearly rewatching Season 3 so i know what happens. But what you start to see is that a set back with Eliott has Lucas running to the safety of what came before Eliott. The fakery of weekend hooking up with girls and parties. Lucas resorts to what he knows when he's hurting. And this is so glaringly obvious when Eliott is around and giving Lucas attention. Lucas loves it. Eliott makes the fear less, and sometimes even non existent. Lucas chases these heady feelings all the way. And he's not shy about it. It is very much a pursuit of Eliott too. 😏

And we can bet that it's a first for Lucas too. To meet a guy who has him so head over heels that everything else is forgotten. We know he had a crush on Yann but this is so far beyond that. Lucas fell in love at first sight with Eliott in the most violent way. ❤ He wasn't prepared and his world imploded. He physically couldn't stop the pull. 🧲 It took him all the way to the vending machine and on from there. And That he'll be so drawn to him and go where he goes. That he'll make comments laden with innuendo, do bold and provoking gestures and let Eliott see a hidden Lucas part with the piano seduction. Lucas we see will go wherever these feelings take him. 🤸‍♂️ That he's a baby to his sexuality but he's not scared when Eliott is giving him all the right signals.

This is really an Isak unheard of. And i love that France showed this kind of Lucas. And i think it heightens everything more, especially the love story. I do feel we are kept on our toes with the dynamic wondering what Lucas will do next, what Eliott will do next. Who is gonna lose their composure between the 2. 🤯 Because they are both half and half. Yes the experienced and confident with his sexuality Eliott and inexperienced and unsure with his Lucas are both half and half. And i love every second of it. Because this Isak is a breath of fresh air. 🙌 🤗

But again with the heightened emotions in this version. The struggle and pain is i feel more viseral. So we see a much deeper pain with Lucas since he saw Eliott with his girlfriend. I really feel the devastation is more prevalent here. And this scene really shows it. Lucas's mask fell off with Eliott and he got caught up in those intoxicating feelings and he felt that it was more than friendly. That Lucas is not pretending to be friends with Eliott just like Eliott is not pretending. That these 2 were never friends at all. That it is strangers to lovers dynamic. And both know it. So seeing the girlfriend, just imagine the total collapse and humiliation in Lucas right there. 😭 Our Lucas is 100 with his emotions. So rightfully he went home and wasted himself on the beer. 🍻 That he hurt himself with the very thing Eliott gave him. That he tortured his ears with the dubstep music, 😋 that he's now desperate to fight what he can't. That he can't scrub Eliott from his mind. That he saw the girlfriend, felt taken for a fool and yet still wants Eliott as much. 😥

And that's why i feel the google of 'how to hide if you're gay' is as much for Eliott's benefit as Lucas's, because we know Lucas unabashed put himself out there. We know he can't hide what he wants when with Eliott. And we know that he knows that. So i feel the real question is 'how to put your mask back on when you don't know how to anymore' that if Lucas saw no girlfriend it is pretty obvious Lucas wouldn't be here at all. He'd be barelling down the road Eliott takes him completely smitten. So this is heartbroken Lucas in the worst way possible. 😞 And we know what happens next. And i remember watching it annoyed at Lucas's actions and how far he took it but you can't say that it's not 100% justified to why Lucas would go where he goes next. Because i can't praise enough Axel handling the pain, confusion, fear in his character. And special mention to an upcoming love confession Lucas is going to make because i am going to analyze the shit out of that. 🧐 😊

[stoopsbookstore]

The Fan (Chapter 2)

Warnings - Mentions of groping, accident at a performance

“Do you know what happened to your fansite, Y/N?”

Aya looked at her group member, scrolling through Instagram to see Milton's post, showing the phone screen to Y/N.

"Wow, he seems pissed," Y/N read the post, feeling uncertain about the post, "I mean, I guess it's sweet he cares enough to get mad over people trying to get upskirt shots."

"And he hasn't tried to grope her yet," Sanghee jumped over the sofa to sit next to Y/N, throwing her arm around her, "and if he does, I'm sure security will ban him like that guy who tried to go through our dressing room and sniff our underwear."

"Not funny," Y/N threw a pillow at the laughing Sanghee, hitting her face, "Yunhee was terrified, the poor thing wanted to escorted everywhere."

"She's our maknae, of cours-"

"To be fair, a 15 year old should be able to handle going to the bathroom without having a security guard stand outside the stall," Aya corrected Sanghee.

"Let's focus on something good. The previews of the photos are amazing! Look!" Chinsun hooked up her laptop to the TV, gleefully sorting through the photos, "Firethorn is amazing! Look at the angle on this one."

"Is he one of the guys from that ATEEZ studio Milton mentioned?" Chinsun opened a bag of chips, crunching them one after anothet, "isn't there a bunch of them?"

"However many there is, they take amazing photos," Y/N clicked the mouse, seeing all of the members throughout the year they've been together.

The group was broken out of their trance, their manager had entered the dorm's living room.

"We have to go, girls! 2 hours until showtime!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why am I being dragged along?"

Hongjoong was being pulled by Yunho and Wooyoung, the pair hurrying through the crowd.

"Because we need someone to hold our shit!" Yunho gave his camera bag to the older boy, looking through his camera, taking test shots of the arena, "I would've asked Seonghwa, but he's still upset about his camera."

"I would be too if some sleazeball pushed someone into me," Wooyoung snapped a picture of the crew setting up the stage.

"Well, I need to go take a piss, take your shit," Hongjoong handed Yunho back his luggage, handing to the bathroom before the performance started.

"He's going to miss the performance, he's not going to be able to get a good seat!" Yunho freaked out, waving his camera wildly and accidentally hitting a little fanboy who had been holding a sign for Yunhee, "oh shit, my bad, little dude. Here, you can have my lightstick."

The little boy stopped sobbing, snatching the Blossom Bong out of his hand, walking away from the tall boy, pouting for his father. The lights had changed to the group's signature colors, a dark green and a light mint, representing the stem of a flower. Erupting from the audience, the cheers drowned out the sound of whacks on metal.

Yunho's phone started buzzing, a text from Hongjoong appearing.

Dude, I can't get back in. They said once you're out, you're out.

Wtf thats bull shit! Its fine, the mall is just 2 blocks away, I'll go there, get some food, how long is the concert?

"Pick your petals! Hi, we are Bloom!"

Only about 90 minutes

ok, do you guys want anything?

Yeah, just get us some pizza. Ill text you when it's over. Sorry bro.

Its okay, Im not big on them anyway. And we'll have plently of more chances to see them.

Ok

After a few songs, the girls stood on stage to talk to the audience, a formality of their concerts.

"Petals, we are so proud of you," Chinsun had someone's camera, taking a selfie with Yunhee who was talking to the crowd, "because of you, we are able to stand on stage and dance, rap and sing, we're allowed to live our dream."

"Yunhee, you softie," Y/N was on the other end of the stage, holding a stuffed animal that someone had thrown on stage, "We may not have had a first win, we may not have a number one album, but we're with you guys and that's all that matters!"

"But I'm expecting a win for our comeba-"

Sanghee and Yunhee ran to Y/N, covering her mouth and dragging her to the floor.

"Just ignore her, she has a big mouth," Aya pointed her microphone at Y/N, the trio laughing on the stage floor, "she's always talking about crazy stuff. A comeback? Next month? That's insane!"

"But," the audience held their breath, Yunho and Wooyoung's camera clicking photos, a smug grin adorning Chinsun's face, "do you want a preview?"

The crowd roared into a thunderous applause, the girls gathering at center stage, waiting for Aya to come to them.

When Aya was about to step on the platform, it had collapsed, causing her to fall six feet onto her ankle.

"Fuck!" She had screamed in pain, the other members being held back by security as backstage crew helped Aya to her feet, her ankle throbbing in intense pain, "my leg! My fucking leg!"

"Holy shit!"

Wooyoung and Yunho saw the incident, Aya just a few feet front of them. She held her ankle when a security guard came, picking her up and bringing her offstage. The rest of the members were in a circle, talking to each other when their managers walked up, pulling them off stage. An announcement came up, the audience groaning and booing at what the voice had to say.

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, we have to cancel the rest of the concert. Check your email for any information about refunds, exchanges or other opportunities. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Yunho's phone vibrated, Wooyoung snapping a few photos of the downed platform.

"Dude," Yunho looked at Wooyoung with a disappointed look, the younger male lowering his camera in shame, "it's Hongjoong. Come on, let's go."

What happened?! Im in the lobby and heard a crash!

Aya got hurt! The stage fell

how did the stage fall?

I dont know. Theyre kicking everyone out and Bloom was pretty much ripped off stage. Its fucking bullshit, but I hope Aya's okay.

How is everyone else? Hows Yunhee hows Y/N?

Theyre fine from what we saw, a bit shaking. Where are you in the lobby?

Near the dipping dots

"Do you think that Milton guy will have something to say?"

"I don't think I even saw him there," Wooyoung mentioned the apparent absence of the fansite master, "I wonder if he had to do something with it."

Yunho scoffed at the theory, spotting Hongjoong in the disgruntled crowd, passing by the little boy, who was now full on pouring out tears.

"He may be crazy, but I don't think he would be that crazy."

"Who?" Hongjoong sipped his soda, Wooyoung taking his drink while the trio watched the people leave the arena, "that White Jasmine guy?"

"Yeah, he wasn't there," Yunho checked his phone, "no post either."

Hongjoong, Yunho and Wooyoung begun to hid out to the car, the cloud hanging out the parking lot dark and gloomy as the cries of little boys and girls could be heard for miles. Yunho started the car, Wooyoung getting in the back while Hongjoong turned on the radio, the car filling with one of Bloom's b-sides.

"Not now," Wooyoung reached between the front seats, switching it to classic music.

The rest of the ride spent in tense disappointment.

[creta5164]

This week’s devlog has been canceled. (+Discussing my another project)

In this week, another game project, Causality, along with the progress of the work, and I was affected by the deterioration of the condition, and this week alone, the nosebleed caused three times.

Parallel work is harder than I thought...

So this week I'm going to take a break from development and write down what I've done in the Causality project instead.

Causality is survival horror adventure genre game that adapts the pure experience of hide and seek with survival horror.

The player must rescue the students trapped in the school where the psychic phenomena occurred and uncover the real secrets hidden in the school.

This game is planning release to Korea in December in this year.

And also supports localization by default, so we’ll make English version!

You can try this game’s demo right now, but it’s only have Korean for now.

creft.me/p/causality-game/demo/index.html

So anyway, In Causality project, we planned an endless mode, that left only the core mechanism of the game for those who saw the ending of the game.

However, since the endless mode was a single-player-oriented mode that collects scores and survives, So I thought...

How about adding a GhostNet for fun...?

I first came across the concept of GhostNet through-

Celeste's Everest mode loader.

Later, when I watched the broadcast of the Twitch streamer Nokduro, I realized that Pogostuck also has a multiplayer concept like this.

Source : https://youtu.be/6mFqBvQfNGQ

Source : https://youtu.be/8HTDFSviNOw

GhostNet is a concept that cannot be influenced by others.

Source : https://youtu.be/6mFqBvQfNGQ

Source : https://youtu.be/8HTDFSviNOw

In real time, you can see all the players in your room moving around,

and you can also communicate through simple emotes.

So, difficulty of making GhostNet's multiplayer is easy then others.

I started working on it as I thought I could implement it with SignalR, which was the information I had when I made my team homepage with ASP.NET Core.

https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/aspnet/core/signalr/introduction

So... I started to make it and I was surprised, because I created a prototype of a simple GhostNet in less than 5 hours.

SignalR seems to handle most of the packet loss and communication!

After a bit more fixing after this, we tested it using three laptops and two desktops.

It works very well!

As of now, the character display work is all over.

It took three days to get here...

All that remains is to express emotions, display graphics on the screen, process scores, and display leaderboards.

Looking at the committed number, I decided to do it slowly, wondering if the cause of the nosebleed was this.

If you are not healthy, you can't do anything.

COVID-19 is continue to occur in our region, so I must stay at home but it is very difficult staying for a long time...

See you in next week.

[ferryboatpeak]

i'm all ears whenever you've got another part written to the first guy ever verse. like...you have my full attention

ok, now that tour content is ending i’m gonna get back to all the asks i’ve got on this one. you’re first bc you came with a name! previously in this verse…

So, on Monday Nick gets the name of Aimee’s OB and makes an appointment for his friend, using a fake name and carefully nonspecific pronouns. [caveat: maybe it wouldn’t be possible to do this in a brilliant country that has universal health care? do you have to give an ID number or something? idk. you guys have health care, let me have this.] When they show up at the clinic the staff at the desk are confused and suspicious, but if Harry Styles wants a few minutes of the doctor’s time, nobody’s going to tell him no.

In the exam room Harry explains what’s going on, and the doctor nods cautiously and says well, let’s go ahead and take a urine sample. Harry goes to pee in a cup, and then he and Nick wait. Harry paces around the exam room, poring over the posters about fetal development and prenatal nutrition. Nick jiggles his leg nervously.

The doctor returns looking puzzled. She starts asking Harry a lot of health history questions, which Nick realizes all relate back to whether Harry’s a cis guy. Harry figures it out shortly after Nick does. “It happened again, didn’t it?” he asks, and to Nick’s ears he sounds more curious than alarmed.

Yes, the doctor says, there’s hCG in his urine, which would typically only be associated with a fertilized egg implanting, so the next step is to do some bloodwork to figure out why it might be showing up when Harry’s not… “Are you sure I’m not?” Harry demands.

The doctor very diplomatically says that it doesn’t seem medically possible for Harry to be pregnant, but Harry’s not taking no for an answer. “How do you know? What if I am?” She’s deploying all of the bedside manner tactics in her arsenal to lay out a plan of action and calm Harry down, but Nick can tell Harry’s not going to be deterred. “What’s if something’s in there? What if it’s not okay?” His voice is getting high and shaky. “Isn’t there any way you can look?”

Harry looks helplessly up at Nick, and Nick says to the doctor, as reasonably as possible, “Can’t you just…” and that’s all he can think of to say, he doesn’t have any more idea than Harry of what Harry’s asking for. He only knows that every doctor’s appointment in Harry’s adult life has probably been overseen by any number of older, wiser professionals who knew exactly what to demand to make sure their precious commodity got the best outcome the medical establishment could offer, and Nick is not up to that task. Help me, Jeffrey, he thinks.

After a pause, the doctor tells them that the clinic has a basic ultrasound setup. It doesn’t have a level of detail that will help address any of the questions that Harry’s lab results raise, but they could take a look. The offer is clearly extended only to pacify Harry, and Nick’s grateful for it.

The doctor walks them down the hall, discreetly buttonholing a medical assistant to join them. Harry reclines serenely on the exam table in the dim little ultrasound room, rolling the waistband of his trackies down when he’s asked to. He doesn’t look worried now; he’s just taking it all in, watching the screen avidly as the OB slides the handpiece over his belly.

Suddenly, the medical assistant makes a surprised, squeaky kind of noise. Nick’s been watching Harry, but he snaps his attention toward the screen. “Is that…” Harry’s voice trails off in wonderment.

The doctor’s peering closely at the screen, a look of confusion on her face. She confirms that, yes, that appears to be a fetus. Measuring about 12 weeks, but there’s no way to tell for sure, they’ll have to get him scheduled for a more detailed scan at the hospital… She takes the handpiece off of Harry’s belly and turns to her laptop, typing frantically. “Can you get the…” she says to the medical assistant, who nods and darts out of the room.

Harry’s staring at the screen as if he can still see… whatever that was up there. His eyes are wide. Nick fumbles for Harry’s hand, trying to be reassuring. “Hey,” he says. “It’ll be okay.” Maybe it won’t, but Nick’s got nothing else. Harry looks up at him, “I’m pregnant?” he says, voice shaky.

The medical assistant returns with the fetal heart rate monitor, and the still-baffled doctor maneuvers the sensor cautiously around Harry’s belly, much more cautiously than she did the ultrasound handpiece. There’s a fetal heartbeat, and it’s normal. The only normal thing about any of this, Nick thinks wildly.

The doctor starts talking about scans and tests and follow-up appointments, but neither of them are listening. “I’m pregnant,” Harry keeps repeating, at first as if he’s trying to wrap his head around the idea, and then with more assurance. Nick thought this would be like going with a mate to get his HIV test. He was prepared for an easy answer, like a flaw in the test, or for bad news, cancer or something. But he’s got no idea how to handle Harry’s elation.

[worldsofme]

Chapter 14

When I choose to pause my study till we meet.

Well, at that time, I'm in my final year to get Bachelor's Degree, the same as him. We both are in our final year. I don't know what to say, but all of the problems about that I can't go to Malaysia, that I'm not gonna seen Usama for the last time before he goes back to Egypt, about he lied to me, and about the crazy girl who was make me messed up as well. There are a lot of ups and downs and I decide to not working on my Final Year Project and I told Usama ;

"I'll start working on my FYP after we meet," said me

"Why's that?" Usama said

"Because I want to focus on how we will meet, I'll looking for all possible ways to get into Malaysia," I said.

I did not even touch my laptop for months, since March 2020. I just keep looking for all possible ways and it makes me crazy when I know the Prime Minister of Malaysia kept saying that Malaysia will extend the MCO.

Every two weeks they will announce that, and every two weeks also got so sad when I know they will extend the MCO. Sometimes Usama and I just being quiet and choose to not talking about that in our call or messages.

Then, one night when I know Usama has lied to me, I start to think about the way I'm thinking.

"Does it's the best way for me to think?"

I keep asking myself, what I have to do in this horrible situation? I can't even handle my heart, feelings, ears, and so on. I still remember every piece of it. After I know Usama will not come to Indonesia and I can't come to Malaysia as well, I start to learn to accept all of that. I need time to heal, my feelings, heart, and mind too for sure.

It was not easy to heal after I know that what I have been waiting for months not gonna met, I would say that is the hardest part I've ever been in my life. I don't understand why this world can be so selfish with me, I ask myself

"Did I ever hurt someone and now karma happens to me?"

But I never got an answer about it. I don't understand why I would have this kind of situation. I was felt so happy when I was with Usama but why the world seems to want to test me with patient? I have been patient for months but they still have not let me go.

From March till October, the day was Usama's flight to Egypt, I still choose to not looking at my Final Year Project, even though all of my classmates already start doing it. Some of them already in chapter III and I still not even start to write the title. I know I can't be like that forever, I need to wake up.

Mr. Erwin is one of my supervisors, we know each other very well, I would said we most likely a friend outside of the campus. He was asking me ;

"Why you're so slow Nisaa? I have never seen you like this. Do you already start working on your FYP? Is there something wrong with you?" said him.

"No, No. I am fine Sir. I'll send you chapters 1-3 soon" I answer.

I lied to him because I don't know what to answer. I can't make him disappointed with me. He has been very kind to me, he cares sometimes too much about me and I felt so grateful that I have him as my supervisor. I am sure he will help me with the research. His kindnesses make me realize that I should start working on my FYP even though it was so hard just about going to "start" it.

I almost forgot what is my FYP's title, I tried to start working on it, but I still can't focus, I feel like myself and I still get mad with the situation and the destiny that I'm not gonna seen Usama. I still thinking of "What if that day happens? How happy am I if I can meet Usama?" these thoughts keep going on my mind and I can't control it.

My friend, Pipih also made me realize about my FYP, she already starts doing her FYP and even will doing her final presentation a few weeks ahead. I even help her a lot on her FYP, the one who makes it for her, Hahaha. I know I'm stupid, I did not even start my FYP but I help my friend's FYP instead. I don't know what I've been thinking at that time. Pipih will do her final presentation around the '20s of October.

One night when she was sleeping in my house, she said something to me, which also make me think that I really need time to heal.

She said

"Nisaa, do you realize how smart you are? You help me in most of my FYP. I know, why you didn't work on your Final Year Project, it's not because you're stupid or lazy or just cannot doing it" said Pipih

"What you mean? What are you talking about?" I answer.

"You need to be healed first, you need to accept all of this first," said her.

"But I've accepted all of this, as you can see, I'm fine now," I said.

"Yeah, you're physically fine, but look on your heart, your mind, and your feelings. Aren't they feel the opposite?" said her, while she pointing her finger to my chest.