#but I'm forcing myself to do it anyway. for bill.

[flufflecat]

More effigy progress

[milksuu]

Sorry, Mom. I'm The New Cleaning Lady For Heartsteel

Pairings: various!Heartsteel x f!reader

Status: on-going (Cross posted on AO3)

Content/Warnings: 18+ content, explicit themes, suggestive language

Summary: Identity theft was a crime—that was obvious. But when it meant paying off the bills for basically existing and your mother’s hospital expenses, committing a felony didn’t seem like a bad thing. It was like that one quote, from that one band, with that one hit song: “Two sides to a story but they never tell me side.”

Or…something like that. Wait, what was their name again? Heartsteel? Sounds like a dating sim game.

[Reader takes the identity of her mother, who had been hired to be the new cleaning lady for an up and coming boy band named ‘Heartsteel’. Obviously, there’s no way they would ever find out. But that was a joke. Because they’re definitely finding out: one by one.]

“You…brought your own cleaning supplies?”

“You always need to be prepared, young man,” you replied, adjusting your duck-yellow cleaning gloves. They squeeked and flopped comically around your hand and fingers. 

“Ma’am, you do understand today is solely the house tour.” The man folded his arms neatly against his chest, white brow raised. “In order to rely on you fully, you’ll need to be familiar with the estate first. I thought we discussed this beforehand. That and…we have cleaning supplies to provide you with here.”

You paused at the grand modern entrance. You lifted your bucket full of sponges, brushes, and cleaning spray from the dollar store. 'Buy-one-get-one' on all cleaning supplies was the grand deal of the day. How could you pass a penny-pinching bargain? Swallowing your shame, you settled the cheap items on the pristine granite floors. 

“Oh, is that so? Must’ve slipped my mind. Age will do that to you.” You forced a chuckle, adjusting your sterile mask across your youthful face. “That and, I have such a passion for cleaning. I can't help myself. I see the inside of a house, and I just have to clean it. I’m sure you could understand that.”

“I don’t believe I could,” your employer said dryly. “Anyway, if you will, follow me.”

You nodded and shuffled along accordingly. As you stared into the back of his immaculately pressed business attire, a new-found horror struck through you: you had no clue what your employer’s name was. Frantically, you scavenged your pockets. From it, you pulled out a business card, holding it so close to your face you smelled the tinge of clean cologne.

YONE

RIOT RECORDS

DJ / PRODUCER

 EMAIL: yone123@riotstudios.com

TELEPHONE:  XXX-XXX-XXXX

“The bottom floor consists of all of the amenities; gym, entertainment area, recording studio and so on.” Yone stated as he stepped into the open-kitchen plan. When he regarded you again, you awkwardly plunged the card back into your pants pocket. “The boys have their own scheduled chores every week. They’re expected to do it without you having to help them. I’m trying to keep them humble, but easier said than done. Refer to the chore calendar on the fridge. And try not to interfere with it too much.”

“Okay—who switched my protein powder with flour?” Behind an opened cabinet, a heavy-muscled stacked man growled. “Guys. Seriously. This stuff’s expensive. Where’d it go?” When he poured the contents out into the trash can, he plucked out a note from the bottom of the canister. The small print read:

‘Protein powder tastes like dog food.’’

The weight of realization punched him square between the eyes. He threw open the pantry, where dog kibble was stored in a tub at the bottom marked ‘Ernest’. Sett pulled open the container, and sure enough, found his  protein powder and scooper. There was no mistaking his favorite smell of cinnamon crunch isolate, now mixed with the scent of dry-bacon kibble. Another note pasted the inside lid:

‘Woof–Woof ฅ՞•ﻌ•՞ฅ’

“A–phe–li–os,” the name gritted between his canines. His ears flattened against his untamed hair, and crumpled the note to dust in his palm. “Oh–Ho. Mess with me all you want; but never mess with my gains. I’m gonna’ prank him back so hard tonight, he’s gonna’ be begging me to stop.” 

“Sett,” Yone coughed, grabbing the Vistayan's attention. “We have a guest today. Our new cleaning lady.”

“Oh, sorry about that.” Sett wiped his powdered hand against his sleeveless shirt. He reached and took your rubber glove with a squelch. “Hey, how’s it goin’, Ma’am. The name’s Sett.” 

You swallowed hard, hoping your glove would remain securely covering your hand. You feared if he pulled back, he would reveal a hand that wasn't so wrinkled for someone supposedly in their late-fifties. And that was according to your mother’s age printed on her driver’s license. Thankfully, you could tell he restrained himself to a delicate shake.

“Would talk more but gotta hit the gym. Nice meetin’ yah though,'' Sett started away, and called back over his shoulder. “Mom, can you take care of Phel for me? I dunno' where he hid the dog food for Ernest.”

Yone exhaled a silent sigh, and part of you felt pity for your employer. He seemed like a parent with a tag-team of overbearing children running around the house. Being a single parent was difficult; you knew this first hand from your own up-bringing. It made you grateful for your mother’s patience and attention. It was the reason you were here in the first place. 

“Let’s continue with the tour upstairs,” Yone said, motioning you to a loft-style staircase. “The second floor consists of all the bedrooms and laundry room. At the end of the hall is my room. As it stands, it’s completely off limits to everyone, including yourself.” He turned a sharp chin in your direction, “Am I understood?”

You gulped and pressed your shoulders straight. “Of course.”

“Mommy, help me!” A bed of green hair bounced to Yone’s side, tugging at his tailored suit. “Kayn’s bullying me again. But I didn’t do anything wrong, I swear.”

“You’re such a crappy liar.” The presumed assailant, Kayn, stomped out of the hallway bathroom. Magenta hair stuck to his furrowing brows. With just a towel wrapped around his steaming waist, his abdominal muscles tensed, pointing aggressively at his target. “I was trying to shower in peace, until bubblegum pop princess over here came barging in trying to take selfies of himself. Did you know people usually shower naked? I’d like my junk not to be posted on social media, unless I’m the one doing it. For cash.” 

“It’s not my fault you’re always going over your shower limit. News flash: we each only get fifteen-minutes. But you’re always breaking the rules! You know I take my selfies at the same time, at the same place, every single day. So how about you do us all a favor, and get some better time management?”

Kayn raised a vein popping fist into the air. “How about I get you a better face instead?"

Ezreal cried fake sparkling tears, cowering further behind their producer.

“Enough. The both of you,” Yone tightened around his words like a leash, restraining the quarreling pair. “For once, I’d like for you two to at least pretend you get along in front of others.” 

The two whined and grumbled under their breaths till they fell to a silent agreement. But the peace treaty wasn’t upheld for long. You saw a zap of yellow from the corner of your eye. The image was so fast, you thought you must’ve imagined it—Nope. You definitely saw something. Kayn’s towel knot popped loose. And it wasn’t caused by an event of divine intervention.

The towel billowed towards the ground. And the world felt as if it was turning in slow motion, like one of those car chase movies with excessive explosions. Except, the only explosion here would be your very own heart.

Sure, you took an anatomy class here and there. In high school, you remembered the penis joke’s and games, and they never flustered you. Heck, not even when your friends set your desktop screen to a .gif of dicks spinning in circles—you found that hilarious. And when anatomy classes began in college, they were all very clinical, rudimentary, and otherwise a snooze fest. 

But seeing one in real life when you’ve never had a boyfriend or a one night stand, was truly groundbreaking. Earth shattering, even.

Penis (en)counter: 1

While you were stuck in your prison of naïve embarrassment, Ezreal laughed and pulled out his cell phone, camera light shuttering a mile a minute. 

“You little shi—!” Time sped forward again. With fast reflexes of his own, Kayn whipped the towel and knot back in place. “That’s it. You’re dead.” 

“Uh–Oh. Time to run again,” Ezreal quipped, zooming off down the stairs.

With all bark and full bite, Kayn vanished like a cloud of smoke in pursuit. You coughed against the smog, while Yone merely swatted his hand back and forth, dissipating the gray wisps.

“You’ll have to excuse them,” he commented. “They share the same room, but have vastly different personalities. I arranged most of them together, thinking it’d help them understand each other on a deeper level. And ultimately, help them perform better together in the studio and on stage. My efforts are…yet to be determined.”

“That’s alright. Can’t be easy for young men their age to share anything. Especially with them being full of energy, testosterone, and other things. O-Oh, to be young once more…ah-ha…” you laughed nervously. Oh, God. What the heck were you saying? Honestly, you had to give pardon to yourself. You were still trying to recover from seeing your first penis up close and personal.

The image would be forever burned in your mind.

You were pulled from your self-conscious thoughts. Down the hall, a pair of shadowed eyes peeked through a sliver of door and frame. When your gaze locked together, the other pair of eyes shifted shyly from side to side. As if a poltergeist existed within the room, the visage faded back into the uncanny crack of darkness. The door creaked closed, with an audible click and lock.

Yone pursued straight to the door, and you stood a few paces back. If there was any chance that a ghost was inside living rent-free, you wouldn't be the first it possessed. You weren't a certified Ghostbuster.

But you also weren't a certified Dustbuster, either. No one will know, know one will know, you chanted the comforting hymn. 

“Aphelios. Open the door. I know you’re in there. I can see the computer light flashing,” Yone stated, rattling the door knob. “Where’s the kibble for the dog? Sett told me you have it somewhere.”

There was a beat in the air. From behind the door, you heard feet pacing back and forth, and the sounds of finger taps against a phone screen. Yone’s phone pinged with an alert. He pulled it out, and opened his text messages.

‘I can’t open the door all the way. I set the bucket of dog food to fall on Sett’s head when he comes in. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ’

“For the love of…no more pranks today." Yone pinched the bridge of his nose with a groan. "But I doubt you could even manage that. Whatever trap you’ve ensembled, take it down—now. And put the dog’s food back in the pantry. Unless you want to donate a cut of your earnings every month to Ernest’s pet store bill.”

Another pause, followed by begrudging phone taps. 

‘Fine, m O T h E r…(¬_¬")’

“That might take him a few. Depending how intricate the set up was. I would be surprised if the only thing involved in this scheme was just the dog food.” Yone motioned you back down the stairs. “Last thing to see is the outdoor space.”

Continuing with the tour, you passed through the lower floor, stepping down a hallway decorated with awards and magazine clippings. From commercial modeling gigs to sold out venues, your eyes glistened at the polished look the group was slowly cultivating. Which you had to admit, completely contradicted their personal lives.

When you reached a sliding glass door that stretched from floor to ceiling, you stepped out onto a landscaped deck. Lush modern garden trims, a shaded outdoor lounge, and smooth sandstone pavement decorated the space. At the backend, an infinity pool rested in pristine stillness. 

At the head of the pool, a person of sculpted bronze physique posed in swimwear on a lounge chair. When you approached along with your chaperone, he picked up his tropical drink, and tilted it in a cheering gesture.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Mama gracing me with his presence. And look's like someone else is with him, too.” The man basking in the sun's rays and oil slicked, shucked his sunglasses onto his dread locks. “Let me guess. This must be the new cleaning lady you hired to pick up after our mess.”

“To a certain degree,” Yone replied. “But not all of the mess, K’Sante. Out of everyone, you should know better.”

“I only joke, Mama.” He grinned smoothly, taking a sip of his frozen alcoholic refresher. “Say, have you seen Sett? I told him to come join me for a tan by the pool. If he wants his muscles to truly pop, he needs to use some oil and not be allergic to the sun. The man is whiter than the sky is bright today.”

As he laughed to himself, Ernest left his chew toy at the far side of the pool, and came to sniff your shoes. With a smile, you slipped a very small piece of your long sleeve up, allowing him to sniff at your skin. The dog lapped his tongue around his slobbering chops, barking delightedly and pawing for you to pet him. You were more than happy to oblige.

These gloves came in handy after all, you thought pleasantly as globs of saliva fell in heaps over your fingers.

“What’s this? Ernest taking a liking to the cleaning lady already,” K’Sante mused at the sight. “Barely warmed up to us when we first met. We won’t mention the illegal trespassing but, call me impressed.” 

With a wink, he flicked his sunglasses back down to the bridge of his nose. “That or he has a ‘ting for older women. Can’t say I blame ‘em. An experienced woman has a certain power that’ll make any grown man cry. And from my own experience, it is never for mercy.”

Oh, boy. You couldn’t imagine your mother being interested in the cougar life-style. Not that you would approve of it. And you were certain your father would descend from the heavens and deliver the backhand of God to any young man who dared otherwise.

Before Yone could address the unsavory statement, Ezreal burst through the backyard sliding doors. Still possessed with laughter, he hopped and skipped over pool chairs and tables. The merriment stopped short when Kayn caught up to the cheeky idol, snatching his wrist which held the phone. From the staggering halt, the phone slipped from Ezreal’s hold, somersaulting towards the pool. 

“M-My phone!” Ezreal paled at the thought of losing thousands of stored photos of himself—Oh, and the blackmail photos he was going to use against Kayn, too. 

Yanking his wrist free, Ezreal pursued the device. But Ernest’s rubber hotdog toy squealed beneath him, forcing him off balance. Kayn latched an arm around Ezreal's slim waist, and pressed him safely against his bare chest.

He huffed against Ezreal's ear. “You can’t swim, you idiot. Remember? Just let it go.” 

Ernest barked at the surmounting commotion. Being the valiant guard dog with the perfect pedigree, he bounded on his thick paws to catch Kayn by the towel, with all the intent to keep them both from falling in. What a good boy! Unfortunately for Kayn, Ernest bit a bit more than he could chew.

Kayn’s voice bass boosted ten-octaves lower. “MY DAMN ASS!”

W-Whose voice was that? Was that even the same person? The thought rattled through you.

A chunk of Kayn's soft meat condensed in the jaws of a furry devil. A shock travelled up the nerves of his spine, into the the muscle fibers of his arm, shoving Ezreal forward. Ezreal flailed his hands in the air, desperate to find some semblance of balance—with no luck, at all. Fumbling on his tip-toes, Ezreal plummeted into the pool with a splash. Kayn stumbled from the after-shock of his spirit being bitten straight through his buttcheeks. His feet met the cursed rubber squeaker, sending him following suit into the pool. Except, the towel had its own plans. It decided to stay behind and not get involved.

Penis (en)counter: 2

“I heard some commotion, fellas. What’s goin’ on?” Sett stepped out from the sliding doors. He caught witness of Ezreal’s face treading water, gasping for bouts of air. Sett’s muscles popped at the sight, barreling towards the scene. “Don’t worry, Ez. I’m coming for yah, buddy!”

Sett launched himself into the air, preparing the most athletic Olympic dive ever conceived.

Kayn inhaled sharply as he broke through the water's surface tension. Recuperating his breaths, he slicked his wet hair back from his face. Looking down at the waters crystal reflection, an odd shadow grew in size around him. And according to the forecast earlier; there was no chance in Hell of clouds or rain. Lifting his nose to the darkening sky, he blanched in sheer horror. A body, massive enough to eclipse the sun, hurled down like a meteor descending to Earth.

What day was it today, Doomsday? He must've forgot; Kayn never bothered to look at calendar's, anyway.  

Back to the painful mistress that was his life; a weak, painful moan escaped him. “You can’t be serious. This isn’t the cool death I deserve—”

Those were Kayn’s final words. A wave rivaling a tsunami consumed him, a random pizza chair float, and the immediate surrounding pool area. Standing in the designated splash zone, pool water soaked your soles, leached into your socks, and dampened your pants to the knees. From K’Sante’s spot, a shot of chlorine or two spiked his drink. He snatched his sunglasses off and shouted the words; “This was the last bit of banana daiquiri mix, you aboas! Now I have to go down to the liquor store and hope they sell it frozen already.”

Yone, with all the grace anyone could hope to be blessed with, merely side-stepped away. A single speck landed on his polished shoes. He narrowed his steely eyes, flicking away the insignificant drop.

You caught something flashing on the second floor of the estate. Looking up, you shielded your eyes from the glaring sun. From one of the windows, you spotted someone holding up a sign. You assumed it was Aphelios. The poster read:

‘4/10 Ezreal. 6/10 Kayn. 10/10 Sett.’

With a dramatic burst through the water, Sett hurled Ezreal over his massive shoulder, and walked out of the pool. Placing Ezreal onto his soaking back, he coughed and gagged against the awful taste of treated water.

He smiled at his new-found savior. “Thanks, Sett. I’m fine, but what about Kayn…”

The group shifted their attention over the silent, lapping water. After a bubble or two, the sight of Kayn’s bare bottom surfaced to the top. Floating like a wet and rounded land-mass, with the additional landmark of a pink dog-bite. 

“Kayn! Hang in there, pal!” Sett launched himself once more into the water, creating another wave of soaking magnitude.

Although the drink had already been spoiled, K’Sante reflexively covered the top of his daiquiri glass. “For God’s sake, Sett. Take your time. It’s not like you’re saving the life of an innocent man.”

As chaos continued to ensue around the gang, Yone placed himself at your side. With a shake of his head, he crossed his arms, and sent a ghost of a smile your way.

“Welcome to Heartsteel,” he said. “Your first day starts tomorrow.” 

Looks like your identity was safe…for now, at least.

an: thanks for reading! the rest of the this story will most likely just be on my AO3. You can find me @ milksuu. comments and suggestions always welcomed. <3

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Hey Derin, can I ask you a question or two about publishing? (If no, close your eyes for the next bit and click near where you remember the delete button was.)

I'm writing something with the dream of publishing it one day and I'm considering all avenues at this stage. What led you to publishing serially online? What are the pros of your experience doing that?

Asking you because I was looking over your site earlier today and thinking about how comfortable a place the internet feels - less of a big step than traditional publishing, or even putting out a whole story at once for self-publishing.

I've never pursued trad publishing and have no plans to ever do so, it was immediately obvious that it wasn't for me, so I can't give you like, comparisons. I only even got into indie publishing because my readers were demanding ebooks and paperbacks so I just shrugged and got them made. Sometimes I get asked trad vs. indie publishing questions that I do not have the experience to answer.

This question, though, I can answer. I didn't sit down and go "how should I publish these? Online, or through a trad publisher, or what?" I approached web serial writing directly as a career without considering publishing my writing as books at all; that was never on the radar until the readers wanted them. And the reason I started writing a web serial was simple -- it was a hobby that suited my lifestyle.

I'd written serial fiction before; fanfiction, some r/hfy stuff, just whatever I felt like, and I had a serious problem experienced by many casual writers -- I tended not to finish stuff. The stuff that had never made it to the web was even worse; I had so many novels in progress on my hard drive that I'd gotten to the end of the first act of, before moving onto a new idea. I needed something to do with my time (I'd moved back to my hometown to spend time with my dying grandfather and was unemployed) and posting a web serial with a strict schedule and a patreon seemed like the best way to force myself to actually finish my stories. If a handful of people were giving me a couple of buck a month, I wouldn't be able to just drift off to something else; I'd have to finish the story.

And it worked. I got a new job and wrote Curse Words on my off weeks, then that job ended and my Patreon was paying my new mortgage and suddenly this was just kind of my job now. And then enough people were asking for ebooks and paperbacks that I had to figure out how to make those happen. And this is kind of my life now I guess.

In terms of pros I would say:

Low barrier to entry/small steps of progression: You can just start publishing on a website for free whenever you want. You can make your own website for free and publish on that (I did). It takes five minutes or less to learn how to do and you don't need to buy anything. Your time commitment is mostly Writing The Story, which is presumably what you want to be spending your time on anyway. If you do it for 2 months and decide you hate it? You can stop. No harm, no foul.

No boss: You're beholden to your patrons and nobody else. You can write whatever the fuck you want, wherever the fuck you want, however often you want. The only deadline is the schedule that you yourself set, and you can set it to suit your lifestyle.

Payment model: The patreon/ko-fi sponsorship model is vastly superior, in my opinion, to making money via book sales. There's too many factors involved to really say if you make more or less money on Patreon, but what it has is predictability. Patrons come and go, but slowly. I can predict my monthly income from my supporters to within a hundred dollars or so. This is a massive advantage when you have bills to pay. Book sales surge unpredictably, and while you can bank on things like advances if you go the trad publishing route, these are few and far between.

Time: There are minimal delays in web serial publishing. No waiting months or years at a time for your book to chew through the machinery of a publisher, no long delays as your agent works or contracts are negotiated. Indie publishing is faster but still has far more delays than web serial publishing; most notably, you have to write the entire book first, often with little idea of how well it's going to perform. I don't do well with waiting periods or having to coordinate timing with others, so web serial publishing works best for me.

Marketability: Web serials have a far smaller audience than books, but they're also easier to market to that audience. For one thing, they're usually free, and it's a lot easier to convince someone to try a free story instead of buying one. For another, their one-chapter-at-a-time nature feels like less of a commitment and less intimidating to some people, even though they are traditionally much longer than books tend to be. Also, their chapter-by-chapter nature allows speculation and jokes and fanart and stuff to be spread while the story is still going, which is great marketing, especially when readers end up talking about it far longer than they would talk about a book (because they're reading it chapter-by-chapter for far longer).

But the biggest advantage in marketability is what I call 'rolling weight enthusiasm'.

When you're pushing a cart or something, it takes a lot of effort to get started, but once you're cruising at a consistent speed, you can rely on momentum to do half the work for you. You can build more and more speed with the same effort, because a rolling weight is maintaining that momentum. Writing a web serial is a lot like that; the consistent release schedule means that if you can get people invested, it's much easier to keep them invested, because they're waiting a very short period of time (a few days to a week, depending on your release schedule) to get more of the story. If you're releasing books, there might be more than a year between releases; you can keep a dedicated audience interested for that long, but it's much harder to hold onto the casual readers. There are so, so many book series that I've only read half of because at some point a new book was released and I didn't notice. If you write and publish books, you have to do a big part of the marketing all over again to let people know that the next one is out. Web serials don't have this problem. When's the next chapter out? soon enough that the previous chapter is still fresh in your mind. soon enough that you probably don't have time to finish the fanart this one made you think of.

Immediate feedback: Another great thing about web serials is that you can watch the audience reaction in real time. Not only that but, unlike with a book that people read all at once, you get very detailed feedback specific to each chapter. I don't mean people telling you about the story; reader suggestions and 'constructive criticism' is almost universally useless and can generally be thrown out. If you trust somebody's writing and editing skills enough to take feedback from them, you should ask that person directly; random readers are unlikely to be experts and unlikely to have accurate advice.

Instead, watch them discuss it amongst themselves. What did they get right away, and what are they confused about? what did they react most strongly to; is the dominant emotional reaction to the various characters vaguely in line with what you intended? Check the theories; how well are they predicting future events? (If everyone is guessing the Big Twist, then you need to put more effort into selling it so that it's not a let down; the less surprising a twist is, the better the writing has to be to pull it off. But if nobody is guessing the Big Twist, then you have insufficiently foreshadowed it. You're looking for a very high population of readers being accurate about the information they're expected to have gleaned, and a small population being accurate about twists and stuff, and you want that small population to grow as they get closer to the twist.) Checking these reactions can give you a better idea of what you need to emphasise, clarify, or foreshadow in the text.

[honeybubblebeeeeee]

Toji is 100% the older, rich boyfriend that will throw money at any of your problems because he actually hates seeing you upset when it comes to finances.

Being a university student and working part time, you have a lot going on and a decent amount to pay for. You are not estranged from your parents per say but they aren't ones to help out either. You never ask for help because that's what you're used to but you also feel bad asking for money so you never will.

Toji came back to your shared apartment. He of course had to practically pry you out of your old sketchy apartment because you didn't want to 'burden' him. You had insisted on paying half of the rent, bills and groceries but Toji just wanted you to be comfortable. You had worn him down for groceries and paying your car and phone but that was it.

"Angel? You in here doll?" He hunted through the apartment looking for you. Finally he found you in the bedroom, hunched over your laptop quiet tears fell from your eyes.

Your eyes snapped to him when he came in the room. You forced a smile, sniffling. "Oh you're home early. How was work?" You spoke so nonchalantly as if you obviously weren't crying.

"Why are you crying?" Toji tried to see what was on your laptop but you snapped it shut and wiped your face.

"Oh, I'm not I just keep yawning." A very forced yawn came out of you and you wiped your eyes again.

He almost wanted to clap at your attempt to cover it up. You moved off the bed and went to walk past him to the bathroom but his arm snaked around your waist, pulling you against him.

"What's wrong doll? Tell me who's got you upset so I can fix that real quick." His mischievous smirk made you giggle through the sniffling.

"It's nothing. It's stupid anyway." He tilted your head up to look at him. "I don't care what it was angel. Tell me."

You knew he wouldn't relent. Sighing, you looked down at your hands as you spoke. "My school offered me a month abroad for a course.... but then I found out that my sponsor pulled my funding and now I don't know if I can afford it and I really wanted to go and ugh it's stupid. I just applied too so now I don't know whether to pull my application or try to make it work somehow." Toji's features softened as you rambled on. He did remember you telling him about all the abroad courses and he agreed then and now that you deserve to go.

He chuckled, cradling your head as he pulled you against his chest. "Baby, you have a sponsor still. You're going on that trip. So, stop the tears, alright?"

You sighed and tried to pull away from him. "I just told you I don't have a sponsor anymore."

Toji picked you up and threw you to the bed. You laughed as you bounced. "Close your eyes angel." You rolled your eyes at him before closing them.

You tried to focus on your hearing to tell what he was doing. You opened your eyes as you felt objects softly hit your skin.

"Toji!"

Toji was quite literally throwing money at you. Then after there was no more cash, he dropped a handful of different bank cards into your lap.

"Like I said, you're going. No more tears and I don't wanna hear any arguments or I'll go to your school and pay for it myself." He softly gripped your chin, planting a soft kiss on your lips.

~ ~ ~ ~

random draft i just never posted, am working on requests so THANK YOU SM FOR SENDING i just want them to be good so im taking my time <3

[busket]

gravity falls rant, cw sexual assault and harassment

seeing the gf fandom do a full 180 on billford is so odd to see and kind of infuriating because I had so many nasty rumors and lies spread about me in 2015-2018 because I liked them as bitter exes. a callout google doc was made and I never read it, but I know it framed me as a creep and an abuser. all because I thought a cartoon nerd and a triangle had a fascinating dynamic that was dark and compelling

in 2017 or 2018 someone sent like 70 messages to my curiouscat just repeating RAPIST RAPIST RAPIST RAPIST over and over again. I'd never even had sex at that point, and I had just cut my dad out of my life for actually being a pedophile and a rapist. so that was traumatizing! that really hurt me!

I also know it was because I had a NSFW account where i drew porn (i was an adult, i was clear i only wanted adults following me. and I still do draw nsfw, I'm not ashamed of that now but these folks made me ashamed of it for years) that included some porn of trans men, like Stanley or Stanford as trans men (NEVER together bc I've always been staunchly against incest or pedophilia ships) and these people framed me as a transphobe and a transmasc fetishist

well obviously I'm a trans man now and I didn't know it at the time but those drawings were a way to explore my own relationship with gender. I even look like Stan and Ford now, obviously i latched on to them as trans men because I wanted to BE them. but I believed it when people called me a piece of shit, I assumed all trans people would despise me too and I'd committed a horrible sin and it forced me back in the closet for another 5 years.

the people doing this were teenagers at the time, a few I thought were my friends/mutuals, and they made that part of my life kinda miserable. I was already miserable with other shit going on in my life. I ignored most of the harassment to make myself uninteresting and to avoid the possibility of becoming a lolcow but it involved anonymous messages both on tumblr and curiouscat, I even got a few emails just mocking me. even in 2019 when some people were like "oh yeah she's moved on to moomin, this is what her art looks like now, I can't look at it without thinking about how much she loves rape :/" which was NEVER true!!! I liked Ford and Bill as bitter exes but it was always consensual in my mind.

Anyway I don't ever expect or even want an apology. I'm sure they don't realize what an effect that harassment had on me during literally the darkest years of my life. to them they were just teasing a weird girl on the internet for fun, or very seriously warning their friends against whom they'd been lied to about being an abuser, but I was a closeted trans man trying to finish college, my home life was abysmal and abusive, I hated myself, i hated my body, my only friends were online, and when I'd log on for some escapism I was met with another message like "hey, you should block this person. they're saying some really cruel things about you on their account. I know it's not true but it looks like some people are believing it."

gravity falls was so important to me as a show since oregon is my home and it felt so authentic to my own childhood being interested in cryptids and going camping and visiting shit like the Oregon vortex as a child. but the fandom was the worst I've ever been in. it ruined my enjoyment of media online for years. so idk. I guess I feel somewhat vindicated but it would also be nice to get those years back and not be harassed and bullied online about something so stupid and unimportant

[that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you]

I don't understand, what's going on with Taylor and Matt trash being a couple? Could you explain to me?

nothing is really going on at the moment tbh, cuz they broke up a pretty long while ago, but the issue is the album (if that's what you're referring to) and taylor swift herself.

[will add sources and more stuff when I find the links and if I realise I missed something out, cuz this is a general thing based off of memory]

Context: dating history

Basically she and matty had been friends for a few years (there are rumors of them hooking up ig in 1989 era maybe, but I don't really care enough to believe shit like that). Apparently he had also been pining for her (according to stuff he said in interviews and tweets) for years, but again, you can still chalk it up to rumors if you wanna.

The thing is that post her breakup with joe alwyn, she started dating him (in like april I think) [there had been dating rumors of them since 2014 tho, and again in March 2023] and the fandom kinda got divided.

Here is the link to their entire timeline

Context: what matty healy did

Matty healy (you prolly know this) is basically racist, sexist, antisemitic, homophobic and God knows what else I have missed out or not been aware of. He did shit like doing the nazi gesture on stage, mocking asian accents, tastelessly making fun of ice spice on her race and bodyshaming her, laughing and basically confirming that he watches violent rape porn of black women on a site that is known to be highly problematic and force their actors (gender neutral) to do things they dont consent to (there was also an actress who was assaulted or something but im not informed on it). Even when he was called out on stuff like this, he accused people (who were poc, btw) of overreacting.

Context: taylor and activism

Taylor had also, in the past (lover era, and miss Americana the doc) had talked about how she had been too quiet about political issues and politics itself for too long, that she understands her influence and power in society, and that she "needs to be on the right side of history" and even specifics such as that she thinks it's spineless to go on stage and say "happy pride month" and not acknowledge the political oppression that queers in USA were facing (something about a bill or the republican party idk man I'm not american, i dont remember but i did research when i watched the doc tho). She has claimed she was gonna be clear about where she stands (many republicans had considered her to be one, and many thought she's conservative or something, but she was always quiet about it, until the lover era). However, she just stopped that activism after the lover era, and went back to being quiet on where she stands (I've seen many swifties refer to the lover era as the activism era) and hasn't spoken about anything substantial really. She did some things like post a black square with 13 hearts during blm, and stuff that every celeb who wasn't openly a pos did, but that's kinda it. Even as a self proclaimed feminist, she didn't speak up on issues such as roe v wade, or about an issue regarding drag queens despite having them in yntcd, or talking about trans/queer rights until she was in a blue state (im not an American, I just like to keep up a little with stuff in usa cuz it's always up in my face sadly, and thus i cant be specific, but anyways, correct me if I'm wrong, or if I missed something).

So even after saying she'll be vocal, she was just... not. And that's basically her on politics or giving a shit about minority communities.

Context: Fandom's reaction

Swifties were extremely disappointed that taylor CHOSE to associate with a man like this, and there were fans calling her out, and she received backlash, too.

Most of these swifties were poc (myself included) and they felt hurt that an artist that they not just supported and developed such a deep connection with, but also financially supported for years, would have such disregard for them. Not just was she dating him, but she kept saying things such as "I have never been happier in all aspects of my life" or saying "I love you" or "uk who you are" in romantic songs on the tour, which was just adding insult to injury. She also did a collab with ice spice (which was completely out of nowhere, and the collab itself seemed badly made and rushed), which fans and others speculated to be a pr cover up for the fact that matty healy had mocked her (many ppl also believed that it was too quick for it to be a pr cover tho).

Now, in the fandom, when poc swifties were calling her out on dating mh, (mostly) white swifties started harassing poc swifties for doing so, or saying that they are hindering with her happiness or some bs about it being "just a fling" (again, myself included). They said it's the same as seeing a friend get out of a long-term relationship and make bad dating choices, and poc swifties should let it go (as if taylor is our close personal friend). In a mostly white fandom, poc swifties felt alienated and sidelined.

Ofc, taylor never addressed any of this backlash, and after she broke up with him, there were articles saying that sources say (which mostly means her pr team atp) that her breakup had nothing to do with his controversies or behavior.

The album release (lyrics, references and reaction)

Now, with the release of ttpd, contrary to what most of the fandom believed, most of the songs on both the albums are believed to be (and heavily hinted on) about matty healy. These include 4 songs- "ttpd", "but daddy I love him", "I can fix him (no really I can)", and "guilty as sin?"

Ttpd, the title track, talks about mh being "a tattooed golden retriever" (wtf) and about him love-bombing her, and her pining after him, thinking about marriage and shit. But daddy I love him and I can fix him, are basically that no one supported her dating decision and she's claiming that she loves him oh so goddamn much, but more importantly, her talking about her fans' reactions. Specifically, describing her poc fans to be "vipers" and "judgemental creeps" who hate her and them being hurt as "bitching and moaning", and basically took the side of the (white) fans who defended her, indirectly. She described his racist bs as "crazy" and said shit like she could "handle a dangerous man." She also has another song, "Guilty as sin?" and while I genuinely don't give a fuck about what she chooses to do in her private life, unless it is problematic, it is about her fantasizing about being with that racist man while being in a long term relationship with joe alwyn. She sings about how she wants him and wants to be with him... in multiple ways, iykyk. Again, out of context, I love this song so much, but that doesn't erase the context, right?

She also has a song "I hate it here" where she says the following lines:

"My friends used to play a game where

We would pick a decade

We wished we could live in instead of this

I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid"

And while there are many reasons why this line by itself is racist (romantisization of a time that was extremely shitty to many communities, most of which she is not a part of, showing herself to be "oh look I'm so woke I still remember the bad things even when I romanticize bad eras in history" which is something you expect from an ignorant white high schooler maybe, not a 34 y/o billionaire who claims to be well-read, etc.) but taylor swift herself saying these is adding insult to injury cuz she has shown time and time again she has no problem with racism (she kept quiet when antonia gentry, a black actress, received hate and racist threats by swifties because of a line BY NETFLIX that taylor didn't like, and she shouldn't ofc, but it wasn't the actress' fault), or associating herself with them (matty healy, for example). It is hypocritical to write something like that after writing an album about pining after a man and his "dangerousness," which is just bigotry. Way to romanticise racism, sexism, and antisemitism, taylor.

Even now, after listening to the album, she clearly doesn't like mh anymore, NOT because of his actions, but because he broke her heart, showing that she still enables and is okay with everything he did.

And that's kind of it (ig) about her and matty healy. I'm not really sure exactly which part you wanted to know, so this is just a gist of it all. Hope it helps :)

[youcouldmakealife]

are there any unexpected challenges when moving between two such tonally different works as sait and cott at the same time?

Interestingly, it's sort of the opposite! I've learned that having a tonally serious series at the same time as a more lighthearted one is great because I can work on either depending on my mood and what headspace I'm willing and able to enter at the time.

The stories of the week and the month also help for that -- they're much easier to pop in and out of versus the series, which tend to involve longer writing sessions and a lot more 'editing as I go' than the stories of the week, which are done in short sessions or sometimes, if it's clicking well, in big chunks or even all at once (the dream).

But having two series that are so different kind of counters my excuses? 'Oh I'm not in a Holden headspace today, he's too up tempo and frenetic' can be countered, quite easily, with 'may I interest you in the saddest man in the world, then?'. It's actually nice with alternating POVs too, because, barring my not knowing what comes in the next part, the answer could also be 'how about some James, then?'.

So depending on how my writing's going, I could have just one upcoming part in the works or like, bits and pieces of five (especially toward the beginning or end of series; I probably have snippets from 5 or 6 upcoming parts of SAIT right now, because we've reached the final 15% or so), all because whatever my brain wants to write, that's what we're writing.

The result of that is that I'm now pretty consistently productive, when, if I force myself to focus on one thing, that could either go well, or it could mean I get fuck all done. (mostly the latter)

I've had some pretty major breakthroughs since I started doing this professionally, since 'don't feel like it' is all well and fine for your hobbies, which should be providing you joy, but not so much when it comes time to pay the bills. Part of it is treating it as work (not the 'ugh, work' part, though sometimes, unfortunately, that's true, even if it's your passion, but the 'I don't feel like doing <insert task>, but I've got to do it anyway to because it's my job' part of work.)

One of the biggest breakthroughs was ignoring 90% of writing advice (and productivity advice, and frankly, general advice) as not applicable to me, rather than thinking I'm a failure at following said advice (which so often is just people writing what works for them and acting like it's a universal tenet and not simply a process that works for them).

Knowing my brain is literally wired differently has been really helpful in accepting that, not blaming myself for it, and going to find the things that do work for me. And I've found a bunch! That I will get into later because I...have turned this into productive procrastination (one of my most commonly used strategies) and I should be writing at the moment.

But later! I'll post some things that work for me, and may or may not work for you, who knows, none of this is cut and dry, we're all making it up as we go, even (especially) the people who claim otherwise.

[hachiibun]

A money and family-related vent kinda thing because I need to scream about it somewhere—

I'm just barely getting by money-wise rn. Like I had a little over 3 USD in my bank account and while I'm fortunate enough that I have an emergency set of vouchers for food if I really need to get it, it means I have to hold off on stuff like laundry for ages at a time — and makes traveling around the city almost impossible unless I prepare in advance.

And that's why it's so frustrating to me when my family pops in with a spontaneous "I'm visiting for a few days! Let's do something!" I love my family, but I have to try as hard as I can to conceal how bad my financial situation is so they don't— whatever. You know how families get.

And I thought that a couple weeks ago was the last of it. I had time to myself, no keeping schedules open for them, just time for me to catch up to my bills and commissions that have been waiting for so long and start earning properly again — I even paid the rent I've been missing for the past 2 months — but nope! Someone had to pop back in with a "Have an exhibit in 2 days! Hope to see you there!" It's so, so hard to say no because they have to fly here for a chance to say hello but holy shit does it take a toll on me.

And now I'm here over an hour late on the way to the event because I had a breakdown over having to scrounge around for loose change to be able to travel.

Anyway, if you've read all this — I don't really know what to say. If I owe you a drawing for a commission, I do have progress in all of them and will get to you hopefully sooner rather than later, and also thank you so very much for being patient with me.

I have a lot on my plate. I'm part of the staff for a zine too and we got caught up in a convention whose organizing team all but forced us to move our schedule up (honestly, they're making us look incompetent or worse like scammers) but hey, at least we're close to printing — which does mean more work for me. I'm a mess. Thanks for bearing with me and supporting me. Fuck, I hope I can get my shit together.

[666writingcafe]

A Surprise Visit

Author's Note: This is the official start of my season three rewrite. To quickly recap how I ended season two, MC basically convinces Solomon to live with them in their home instead of the two of them going their separate ways. That's number one. Number two is I'm axing the whole babysitter gig setup, because I feel like it's a bit unnecessary (and weird).

So, without further ado, the first part of lesson 41 is under the cut.

MC

Solomon looks over my shoulder and examines the potion I prepared in the cauldron.

"Nicely done," he remarks. "Just the right shade of blue."

"Thanks," I reply, quickly glancing up at him.

"You know, you've done a nice job keeping up with everything I've taught you. You're certainly one of my better apprentices." I chuckle.

"I mean, I would like to not destroy my home."

"Or any surrounding ones." I turn my full attention to him, confused as to why he would say that. He merely shrugs as he adds,

"It's happened before."

"I see." Should I be worried?

"Anyway, you almost have the fundamentals down. Pretty soon, you'll be able to get your Sorcerer's License, and I can begin teaching you summoning magic."

"I'm sure the brothers would appreciate that."

"Oh, probably. They like you alright." His smirk indicates that he wants to start bantering with me. He does it on a daily basis, and I've gotten pretty good at coming up with good responses on the fly.

Suddenly, someone knocks on my door.

"I'll get it," Solomon states, patting me on the shoulder and kissing me on the temple before leaving the room. I take the opportunity to begin pouring my potion--a serum that causes people to change size--into the bottles Solomon set up in front of me.

Just as I finish filling the first bottle, Solomon returns.

"It would seem as though the brothers got tired of waiting," he tells me.

"What do you mean?" I ask, setting the cauldron down.

"Surprise!" Asmo pops his head in the room and waves excitedly at me.

At least, I think it's Asmo. His hair's a lot longer than usual, and his choice of makeup makes him look rather feminine.

As he steps into full view and reveals his outfit--a spaghetti tanktop, a denim miniskirt that barely covers his crotch, and strappy high heels--I realize that he's in drag. And it looks good.

Has he done this before?

"You alright, MC?" Solomon asks, walking over and touching my shoulder.

"I'm sure they are," Asmo answers before I can open my mouth. "They're just in awe of my beauty."

"Just the same as always," Solomon quips, causing Asmo to stick his tongue out at him.

"What are you doing here?" The question comes out a lot more quietly than I was expecting. Maybe it's because I can't stop staring at Asmo. For once, he's right; I am in awe.

"Here in your home, or here in the human world?"

"B-Both, I guess." Asmo clasps his hands together.

"Well, after you left, Diavolo started making plans for us to come visit you in the human world. He and Lucifer bought a property nearby, and we've been working on making it our own for a few months. We just finished last week." He briefly pauses. "I've actually been sent to pick you up and take you over there. That is, if that's alright with your teacher over there." He smiles at Solomon, who nods his head.

"I think we've reached a good stopping point for today," he replies, glancing over at me.

"Great! I'll help you pack." Huh?

"Asmo!" I call out before he can go too far.

"Yes, MC?" He bats his eyes at me, and I have to force myself to focus.

"As much as I appreciate the enthusiasm, I can't spend the night. I have to work tomorrow." Asmo stares at me blankly. "You know...the job that helps me pay my bills?"

"Oh right! You don't have to worry about that for a while." That can't mean what I think it means.

"Asmo...what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. It was all Diavolo." He didn't...

"MC isn't like you guys," Solomon pipes up. "They rely on their job to make ends meet. It's not like they can just leave at will." This makes Asmo widen his eyes.

"No, no, no! It's not like that at all!" he exclaims. "MC, you still have your job. Diavolo just arranged for you to be on vacation until we returned to the Devildom." He walks over and clasps my hands. "I am so sorry for worrying you like that, MC." I sigh.

"That only covers part of it. What about--"

"Check your bank account."

"What?"

"I got it," Solomon states, leaving the room and returning with my laptop. Once he pulls up my online account, he shows the screen to me, revealing...

"Is that four zeros?"

"It appears so, yes." He clicks on the checking account to view transaction details. "It looks like Diavolo's been transferring money to your account. At least, I assume that's who 'David Prince' is." Asmo nods his head.

"We thought it best to adopt human alias while we were here." Well, that explains the drag. "I decided to go with Azzy."

"The name suits you," I tell him, still staring at the screen.

I can't believe that Diavolo went out of his way to do something like this for me. It's not like I've ever expected him to provide for me or anything.

"So, am I good to start packing?" Asmo asks.

"Sure." I make sure to follow him as he enters my room. If I leave him unsupervised, there's no telling what he'd do in there.

[jebewonmorelike]

Pay You Back

wc: 1.3k (failed my own 1.1k challenge but close enough) pronouns: none used; n/a warnings: fluff, some themes of social anxiety/embarrassment in public but nothing descriptive, asking about financial troubles, hao being both your mom and boyfriend, he's in zb1 in this summary: idolboyfriend!hao has to come rescue reader when their card declines at the grocery store and he is not prepared to find out the reason it's maxed out. ~masterlist~ ♡ ~kofi (no pressure at all)~ so i wrote this to see if i could force myself to limit to under 1.1k words... i have a tendency to get carried away and not as many people like longer fics so. i failed bc i went 200 words over but it was a pretty close. anyway if i write shorter works, i can write more so i want to get back in the habit of it. better for my stress levels too lmao. just finished my second "semester" back at school i'm so happy!! third semester stars 7/3 tho so that's annoying but. i have one whole week to do nothing (except work but). ANYWAY hope you enjoy :)

“(Y/N)?” You hear your boyfriend’s voice as he enters the grocery shop. Even though Zhang Hao is quite reserved, he’s more than willing to make a small scene if you’re in trouble. “(Y/N)!?”

The store owner, who is also manning the checkout counter, lifts his arm high enough for Hao to see it over the aisles, pointing at you exaggeratedly— more than unamused.

Hao rushes over to where you stand in the checkout lane; your groceries half-bagged, half sitting askew on the conveyor belt. A couple people are beginning to line up behind you. He frowns, trying to decipher what about this scene could’ve possibly made you text him: 

🚨 EMERGENCY AT MARKET!! PLEASE COME HELP!! 🚨

“Honey, what’s wrong?” He asks, brows furrowed in confusion. “You said there was an emergency!”

“Is not being able to pay for your large grocery order after someone has already gone through the trouble to scan and bag most of it an emergency?” The owner asks, resentful eyes still locked on your embarrassed ones. 

Hao starts to open his mouth to respond, but the owner cuts him off. “I’ll answer for you. It is an emergency... if the owner forgot to pay his utilities bill and the electricity went out while his wife was curling her hair for work this morning.”

Your boyfriend glances at you then back at the store owner. “Right…”

“I tried to just leave, but he kept this exact same rant going for ten minutes,” you whisper to him as the owner continues to moan and groan about how his wife chased him around the house with a slipper. “I’m really sorry to bother you. I know how busy you are.”

Hao shakes his head definitively. “It doesn’t matter how busy I am— I’ll always have time to help you out,” he says with an affectionate smile, raising his hand to squeeze your right shoulder comfortingly. “As long as you continue to conveniently call when I’m already on lunch break.”

You sigh, looking back down at your shoes in embarrassment.

“Did you forget your credit card? Is that the issue?” Hao asks, taking his wallet out of his back pocket before you even answer.

The store owner laughs. “Worse. It declined.”

Hao looks at you concernedly. Maxing out your credit card was not like you at all. Despite the occasional shopping splurge, you were usually quite practical with money. The look of worry on Hao’s face is valid. 

Still, he hands his own credit card to the store owner and begins throwing some of your grocery items into bags himself. As the owner hands Hao his receipt and credit card back, you pick up a few of the bags and head toward the sliding doors. Hao grabs the last bag and follows quickly behind you.

When you’re outside, you breathe a deep sigh of relief; even a couple of people’s annoyed stares had caused your heart to speed up and your body temperature to rise. Hao falls into step beside you, but it takes you a few moments to relax enough to remember he’s there.

When you finally look over at him, he smiles reassuringly. The token introvert had set aside his nature (and sacrificed his coveted lunch break) to rescue you. And he’d also paid for your groceries.

“I’ll pay you back,” you promise softly, cheeks turning rosy once more.

Hao purposely bumps into your side as you walk, trying to get you to smile and break your tension. It works. You scrunch your nose up at him in a smile and he glues himself to your side, hooking a finger in your back pocket to keep you as close as possible as you make your way down the quiet street.

After another few moments of comfortable silence, Hao clears his throat. “So,” he starts, trying his best to sound nonchalant. “Are you behind on credit card payments? There’s no shame in it; it happens.”

“No,” you answer simply, shaking your head as you steal a glance at your boyfriend. You watch as his brow furrows in confusion.

“Oh,” he replies, lips forming a small pout. “Well, you know you could tell me if you were, right? I'd do my best to help you if that’s what you needed.”

“I know,” you say with a smile, watching again as he blinks curiously-- trying to figure out what the problem could be. “I’d tell you if I was having financial problems. I'd refuse your help, but I would tell you.”

“Right,” he affirms, nodding as if to convince himself that he could end his interrogation there. He fails, of course, and an unstoppable flurry of questions begins to fall from his lips. “So... So what happened? Did the card expire or something? Why didn’t you use your debit card? There’s money on your debit card, right? And I know you despise cash, but--.”

You stop walking and Hao’s finger still hooked in the pocket of your jeans pulls him back to face you. “There is an incredibly simple explanation for this,” you explain, placing your grocery bags on the ground for a moment as you pull your credit card out of your phone case. “This card isn’t my usual credit card. It’s a very limited credit account that I opened for a specific purchase. It looks almost identical to my actual credit card I use on a normal basis so I grabbed this one by accident before I left this afternoon. I was in a rush and couldn’t find my debit card, so I took what I thought was my credit card thinking I’d be fine, but... I was obviously not fine.”

“Ohhh,” Hao sighs, nodding in both comprehension and relief. “Well that makes a lot more sense. I was worried about you! I didn’t think you’d suddenly developed some sort of debilitating shopping addiction, but...”

“Rest assured,” you soothe, picking your bags back up and continuing with your boyfriend down the street to the bus stop. “I have plenty of money. I wish I had more, of course. But it’s enough to survive for now.”

“Are you sure you want to take the bus?” Hao asks, running his hand down your back comfortingly. “I can drive you.”

“No, you can’t,” you reply, taking the last grocery bag from his hands and draping it on your arm. You rummage through it for a moment before pulling out a fresh deli sandwich. “Your lunch break is almost over and I've used up all of it already. So, eat this on the way back to Wakeone or I will find you and I will shove it down your throat myself.”

“I can see you’re back to normal,” Hao says with a grin, taking the boxed sandwich in his hand as you reach the bus stop. “I love you.”

“Love you more,” you say, checking to make sure no one is around before kissing his cheek. His eyes closed, he sighs blissfully.

Your bus makes its way around the corner, pulling to a stop in front of you. 

“Oh, I forgot to ask,” Hao says quickly as you walk up the steps. “What was the purchase that you opened that new credit card for?”

You turn around, biting your lip in a smile. “I bought 40 copies of your debut album!”

“YOU DID WHAT!?”

You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen Zhang Hao more shocked than he is right now. You’re lucky the sandwich box didn’t fly out of his hand and onto the sidewalk. 

“It’s okay: I’m pretty sure I made a good investment!” You call back with a wink to your boyfriend, whose jaw is still dropped as the bus door begins to close. “Didn’t I?”

All Hao can do is nod-- a slow, exaggerated nod as he processes what you’ve said.

You wave at him, grinning-- any embarrassment you had felt ten minutes ago entirely washed away. Zhang Hao may have had to buy your groceries for you, but you think you might’ve already paid him back.

As the doors close, you call to a now smiling but awestruck Hao:

“You’re welcome!”

[seat-safety-switch]

Building a race car is a huge undertaking. You can start with a production vehicle, but as you race it, you'll slowly notice things deteriorating. Maybe you'll get lucky, and it will just be wheel bearings you have to replace prematurely. If you're really in the shit, or if you started adding a ton of power, you'll be seam-welding and buttressing parts of the body as they tear themselves apart under the repetitive, brutal forces. Things will break that make the dealership parts monkeys claim they "ain't never sold one of these before."

Anything that's successful on track, even a car that once ran on the street, is a melange of hacks, tears, and sleepless nights of re-engineering. And every major city has experts who can help you make things more reliable, for a price. For instance, did you know that old iron-block engines will slowly drift out of square the more you pound on them? After a couple years of hard use, they need to be re-bored, or they'll devour crankshaft bearings alive. That little bit of knowledge cost me (or at least my tax-deductible street racing team, Project Dodge, which, it is important, is legally distinct from myself and accepts all liability for its own actions or inactions) the approximate price of sending a conceptual artist to the International Space Station.

What this means is that, if you're sitting there in the stands cheering on the professional race car that looks like your car, you're actually cheering on some kind of futuristic jet fighter wearing the skin of your vehicle like Buffalo Bill. This, of course, should not discourage you from cheering on a professional race car. Cubic dollars have been spent on every inch of the car, developing it into a new kind of monster that is ready to do battle with all the others. Then thrown away, of course, because things wear out, and race car builders need to put food on the table, and races get more competitive every season.

Anyway, that's why I'm driving a Craftsman Truck Series racing truck to work these days. Those eggheads at NASCAR did a pretty good job on this thing, and our remarkably lax import laws don't blink an eye at a "Chevrolet pickup truck plus spares" driving across the border, even if it is at 120dB and fully sideways. And with my boring commute to work, chances are this thing's race-hardened might will never break.

[heartfullofleeches]

*slams hands on desk* Selene with milkman reader

(I'm assuming you mean like a delivery person which I hope I'm right!)

This shawl.. She hadn't even worn it for her wedding. Stored in that dusty, old attic - tucked away in a box that same emerald green as its fabric and her eyes, it was her prized treasure. An heirloom from her mother's side bestowed their children on what's supposed to be the happiest day of their life. Selene never had the pleasure of her mother to pass it down in person, nor had she experienced that happy day. Given her current predicament, she'd settled on the pitiful reality of never having the kids to pass it down to herself, but with this new kindle in her chest, just maybe....

It's best not to get carried away.

Not when her heart was waiting at the front door.

"Coming!"

Selene tucks her hair behind one ear as she rises from her seat, pinning it in place with the needle end of her hairpin. She's careful to avoid pricking herself as its point was sharp enough to give her a fresh piercing. Away from her vanity and down the stairs to the level floor, she skips with that weightless bounce in her step she hadn't felt since highschool. In a way, she was that girl again. Hopelessly in love, but this time for real. She promised herself to never fall for the sake of curing her lonely heart anyway she could, but it this was different. From the first time she heard those words.

"Ah! Good morning, Mrs. Selene!"

It was true love.

Selene fits her shawl to her shoulders. "Morning. I faintly remember saying just Selene is fine."

"Force of habit. How are you doing today, Selene?"

That kind delivery person who always asked about her day before all else. That considerate sweetheart who brought a card and her dear pin with their next delivery when that husband of hers went missing. Selene always hated the awkward conversations she was forced through with neighbors and press, but for some reason when it came to you - she could only wait the next time you appeared at her door.

"I'm well. I have plans this evening so I hope you can forgive me for cutting our conversation short."

"Not at all! I have some business tonight myself so I completely understand. I have your order right here." The blush Selene had thrown on paled in comparison to the natural red of her cheeks as your fingers meet. She sets the crate and hands you your tip, blinking tears from her eyes. She knows what your plans are. Painfully so. Still-

"Is that so? And what might that be, if you don't mind my asking?"

You pull the bill of her hat over your eyes, bashful in answer. "Ah, well I have a date in a couple hours. It's the first time I've been out in a while so I'm a little nervous."

"The bright green of her eyes dims. "What a coincidence! I have one too. I know it's only been a year, but - he'd want me to be happy too."

Selene swallow the bile in her throat for a smile.

"I'm sure he would. You look amazing. Have a safe night, Selene."

Selene hates liars almost as much as that man, but her tale wasn't entirely false. She did have a date tonight. A date of pure coincidence. She'd hate to dirt her lovely hairpin considering it was a gift, but it was almost poetic. All she prays is for you not to cry when your date fails to arrive. The sight would break what's left of her fragile heart.

[roboticspacecase]

Billdip kiss 44

44. Kiss...of Lust

"What do you think of this one?" Dipper did a small spin in front of his bed where his boyfriend sat. The blond looked up from his phone, told to keep his eyes off of the other until he was done changing.

"I think you look like a big ass nerd," Bill snorted.

"You've said that every time, it's getting old." Dipper pouted, his arms falling to his side with a loud huff. "I just want to get my Frodo costume right, and you're being no help. You've seen the movies a couple of times with me, you should know which cape and pants look the best. But if you really don't want to help me, then you can just go downstairs and wait for me to be done."

Bill chuckled and stood up from the bed. "You want to know what I really think of your costumes?"

Dipper threw his hands up in frustration, rolling his eyes. "That's the whole reason I asked you to come up-" His sentence came to an abrupt end when Bill mashed their lips together, the other's arms wrapping around him and trapping Dipper against him. "That's not helpi-!" another kiss stopped him, and all Dipper could do was huff and lean into his hold.

"I think your nerd shit is so fucking hot, Dipper," Bill growled out. "You're so cute, it's not fair. All I can think about is how cute you are, and how cute you'll be when you take those clothes off and get fucked into the mattress because I won't be able to stop myself."

Dipper's boiling blood filled his cheeks, painting his face red. "O-oh?" he forced out. "I didn't- I mean, you're... Wait, are you into the dress-up part of this? Do you want to fuck Frodo?"

"What?" Bill laughed, unable to keep a straight face. "I just told you how much I think you being a nerd is cute, and you think I want to fuck Frodo Bag- Baggage? Bagger?"

"It's Baggins! We just went over this, you've seen the movies like ten times!"

Bill shook his head. "Right, whatever. That's my exact point, though, Pine Tree. What do you think I'm looking at when we watch those? The cool elves and fights? Sometimes. But most of my attention is on you. When you're so fixated by it that all that those big, beautiful doe eyes of yours do is gloss over. The way you mumble the movie trivia like it's a muscle reflex that you can't stop. Or how you idly reach out to grab my hand when the characters are in peril, even though you already know they'll be okay." He pressed their lips together again, rougher than the first two times. "You're so passionate, it just makes me want to throw you on the bed and give that passion right back."

Words failed to find Dipper's lips, the lump in his throat and dry tongue refusing to form a single one. All he could muster was a nod before he pushed himself forward, mashing their lips together again.

Their make out session left Dipper with tangled hair and strained lungs. His cosplay had wrinkled, but it stayed on as the blond retreated back to the bed.

"Anyway, I guess you could say no matter what you put on, I'm going to like it. And we know now that I have no idea which cape looks better." Bill settled back into the spot he had been before, pulling out his phone once more.

Dipper huffed, taking his cape off and tossing it at the other. "You're going to give me that big speech, feel me up, then just leave me high and dry? What the hell!"

Bill shrugged. "I know you want to figure this out first. So, find the right outfit, then I can truly appreciate your nerdiness and fuck you until you forget which outfit was the one you picked. Then we can do this all over again, and we'll both be left happy in the end. Like the movies. I think. Those end happy, right?"

"I mean, yeah, pretty happy, but you...!" With no real argument to give, Dipper sighed and went back into his closet, sifting through his many different cosplay options. "Fine. Costume first. Then you'd better not be lying about the rest of what you said."

"Trust me," Bill laughed, tilting his phone in a way that made Dipper realize he had been snapping pictures the entire time, "your cute nerdiness will be rewarded plenty later."

[bugsonthemind]

Worm characters rated on how funny I think it'd be if they were trans:

Taylor: 2/5. Neither particularly funny nor unfunny. Just sort of neutral. She fits the bill for a stereotypical east coast white transfem with a stick figure build, but there's not much of a punchline.

Brian: 0/5. Almost any way you slice it this is kinda sad. Either "transfemme continually overcompensates by trying to be as masculine as possible in a way that never really can or will satisfy her" or "transmasc overcompensates into masculinity to maximize stealth even if it's harmful to him."

Lisa: 3/5. This is also fairly neutral in terms of funniness. But the idea of her being stealth is not entirely implausible to me. 4/5 if you subscribe to the "blonde hair is actually a wig" theory tbh.

Alec: 2/5. Too obvious, too easy. That said, scumbag transvestite is pretty funny as a punchline.

Rachel: 4/5 in basically any way you interpret this. But critically, Rachel does not know what a trans person is. If you called her transgender person she'd think you were trying to insult her until you carefully explained what those things meant and then she'd be like, "Well, I guess I am. But I don't know why you'd need a word for that. I just wear what I want." She's accidentally achieved gender nirvana.

Aisha: 2/5. Again, I think this is too obvious! She already has scumbag transvestite vibes.

Colin: 2/5 normally, but 4/5 if the transition happens during the Armsmaster / Defiant career change. "What do you mean? Obviously Defiant is a totally different person from Armsmaster, she's a woman and Armsmaster was a man!"

Dragon: 4/5. Has the same approximate funny value as SHODAN, GLADOS, or AM being trans, but slightly knocked down by her not being particularly evil. That said if Colin is also trans in this scenario, then we could imagine some kind of weird double force-femme scenario where Colin is reprogramming her to be more free in her gender while she rebuilds Colin's body into something more fitting and suddnely I think I hauve COVID.

Dennis: 5/5. If Dennis was transfem she would make indefinite puns about her chosen hero name. She would lean into it constantly I think. Very funny to think about.

Chris: 3/5. ADHD transgender failgirls / failboys will always rank well with me.

Dean: 4/5. Closeted the whole time he's with Victoria is a pretty funny scenario here. Gradually bringing up transgender people and then watching her aura very closely.

Missy: 1/5 Again, we're looking more at a "this is deeply depressing" scenario than "this is funny." "Why would I medically transition? Odds are pretty good that I'm not making it past puberty anyways."

Sophia: 0/5. Just not much here to go on tbh! Not funny!

Sveta: 4/5. Vial gives her the body she always wanted -> she gets confused and thinks she's supposed to be a man, so she transitions again -> she realizes that she's a woman again and de / retransitions. Just a comedy of gender errors.

Amy: 1/5. Eh is all I have for this.

Victoria: 2/5. Any implication in this descends more into a territory I would call creeping dread regardless of how funny it is.

Bakuda: 4/5. Pretty solid Unabomber-style "could transitioning have made her worse?" punchline.

Manton: 3/5. Insane cannibalistic transfem projecting her ideal, ripped, indefinitely strong, statuesque body into physical reality to hunt down her prey and I think I hauve COVID again. 4/5 if the Siberian also hangs schlong tbh. Just makes the whole image more comedic.

Riley: 5/5. "I transitioned at ten, but then later removed my own ovaries that I grew for myself for unrelated reasons."

[pfffsfic]

Post-Fall Falls False Starts- Chapter 6: Wish Upon a Triangle

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

"Cosplaying him didn't work, or at least it hasn't yet," Sarah mused. "I was gonna go and try to fall asleep by the instructions for summoning him, but it turns out I've only ever seen here and never actually been here and I don't know my way around at all. Embarrassing, right? I just fell asleep in a random cave and hoped that would work."

Rob blinked absently.

"Thing is, I dunno when we are. Like, has he already been summoned? If I did it first, would that lead to some kind of freaky paradox? Would I be on the wrong side of time law? I guess I also want him to come to me because that's more satisfying than just brute-forcing it and making him show up, but is that too selfish of me, or is it just the right level of selfish?"

"Uh-"

"Besides! Imagine I summon him and he asks why, and I say, oh! I dunno. I just wanted to talk! That would make me seem so desperate! Ugh, but maybe desperation can be cool in sort of a yandere type of way? Is that how I want him to see me? As some- some- fangirl? Well, maybe I am, but not for him! This is purely a narrative thing! Ugh! How the heck do I get him to notice me without making it seem like I want him to notice me? Rob, any ideas?"

Rob scrunched his eye closed. He felt like a web browser with 52 tabs open. Minutes earlier, Sarah had led him back to camp, sat him down, and promised to explain everything. She had asked him where to start, he had said, 'wherever you think is best', and she had replied, 'okay, I'll start in the middle'.

"Uh, you want me to tell you how to meet a demon?"

"Not just any demon. We're talking about-"

"I know, you've said Bill like fifteen times! I have no clue who he even is or why you wanna meet him so bad. We're done with the middle and the end- start at the beginning. Can you do that?"

"The beginning. Okay, okay, sure, I can do that. I'm more of an in medias res type of girl, myself, but linear storytelling has its benefits-"

"Get to the point."

"Chill out! I'm getting there! Okay, okay, so! Our story begins in 2012."

"Maybe start a little closer to the present."

"No can do. You want the whole story, right? Besides, 2012 is the present right now, at least probably. The timeline hasn't been confirmed- whatever."

Rob almost scoffed, but found himself nodding and burying his chin in his palm.

"Okay, so, the year is 2012, and the media landscape is a pretty great place for a company called- wait. No, no, let me start from the veeeeery beginning. The year is 1901. Flora and Elias Disney are in Chicago, Illinois, about to bring their fourth child into the world..."

The shadows grew longer, and Sarah's story meandered every which way, and at one point she retrieved a flashlight from who-knows-where and held it under her chin despite the lack of anything spooky in her ramblings. When she finished, the first stars of the night had appeared in the evening sky above the clearing. Rob found himself staring at them instead of paying attention.

"Anyways," said Sarah, taking a breath so deep she momentarily turned inside out (had she not been breathing for the hours it took her to tell the story?) "Gravity Falls. That's where we are."

He sat up, rubbed his eye, and thought for a moment, 'what a waste of time'. And then, as if by a truck, he felt the weight all of the information his subconscious brain had picked up on while he zoned out.

"Wait," he said, holding his hands up. "You're telling me this place where we are exists in the form of a fictional cartoon back home? We are inside a story you've already seen? Right now?"

He knew this place was also a work of fiction to the real world, but he had never once considered that it might be fiction to his world as well. What did that mean? Surely that had really huge implications hovering just outside of his cognitive reach! Hindsight was 20/20! And now, for better or worse, he was no longer the capable one. Upstaged. By a fangirl, no less. Typical. Hold on, he wondered, what if this went both ways? What if somebody recognized him as a fictional character? That would be bad for his whole monster shtick that he had been fantasizing about on the down-low since his encounter with that human guy. He'd need to know for sure! Sarah was nodding.

"Do you know if there's an internet in this universe?" Rob asked. His phone had been dead since long before he left Elmore, what with the lack of a usable power grid.

"Sure there is! After all, in season 2, episode 2-" Sarah paused, noticing Rob's dead, empty gaze, and got to the point quickly. "Yes, the internet exists here. Why? Oh, don't tell me..."

Sarah was blushing and squishing her cheeks now and Rob felt it was best for his peace of mind to not think about why. He had in his grasp a chance at thriving in this new world, armed with someone knowledgable about it, and he could not jeopardize that by giving the poor girl an existential crisis over her own nonexistence. He had come to think of himself as the solemn guardian of forbidden knowledge- a man (or, when it counted, kid) burdened with the truth and the responsibility associated with that truth. That had been the ethos behind his convoluted rescue plan for the people of Elmore Junior High. Well, that and it seemed like the kind of plan a professional supervillain ought to make, and, provided there were a lack of supervillains in the real world, he wanted his rather spotted career to go out with a real bang.

"Sarah, I just wanted to ask- no hard feelings, right?"

"Hard feelings? About you not listening to me? Oh, trust me, I get that all the time."

"No! I meant about the whole Superintendent Evil thing!"

"That? That was a long time ago."

"It was two weeks ago."

"Two weeks is a long time in the apocalypse. Look, don't worry about it, okay? Human AUs are totally classic! I was just thinking, hmmm- if this Evil guy is actually evil, Gumball and Darwin will take care of him in about 11 minutes."

That comment might as well have been an arrow through Rob's nonexistent heart.

"Would it cheer you up if you got to say, 'I told you so'?"

He had wanted to say that before, but now there was very little fight left in him.

"I told you so," Rob replied in a weak little voice...

...That grew stronger as something bubbled up inside of him.

"I told you so! I TOLD YOU SO!" He got to his feet, gesturing wildly, as his pent-up rage came to the surface. "Nobody listened, and we could be in the real world, but instead I'm stuck here with a crazy weirdo girl who's trying to summon a demon! On purpose! And we have no food, no internet, no way home, heck, no home to return to. It's your fault. It's all of your faults! The one time I try and do something good, fate comes along and slaps me in the face for it! UUUGH!"

He smacked his head on a nearby tree and fell backwards into the dirt, clutching it in pain and glitching out for a second. Why was it that every time he tried to lash out in anger he ended up hurting himself? ...Well, in this specific instance, he wasn't sure what he thought would happen.

"What did you think would happen?" Sarah asked, peering over him.

"Shut up," he mumbled, rolling over to lay face-down in the dirt.

"Do you need ice?"

"I know that if I say yes, you're gonna-"

She flopped down next to him on her back so that they were cheek-to-cheek, her iciness soothing his headache a little. He reluctantly let it happen. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but something about the whole situation lulled him away from the waking world and into an uneasy dream.

It was the forest, yes, just as it had been before he fell asleep, only Sarah was absent and so were the stars above. He noticed moments later that the floor underfoot was the familiar- if heavily cracked- tile floor of Elmore Junior High, covered in the dirt that lined the forest floor in the waking world, with a familiar hole several feet from him leading down into the void. It wasn't growing. A moment from his memory forever frozen in time. Something drew him towards the hole and he discovered first that its surface rippled like water and second that he could see his reflection in it.

The reflection shifted and changed with the surface of the liquid static. It melted into his cute (he liked to think so) look from long before he had been chewed up and spit out, and then into how he'd looked right before hitching a ride out of the void the first time, and then into Superintendent Evil's visage, and then into an odd human form he didn't recognize- and then into a yellow, strangely-shaped form he definitely didn't recognize.

It blinked.

Five seconds later, Rob processed what exactly was wrong with that, and six seconds later, one of the reflection's black hands reached past the static surface and latched onto the edge of the hole, pulling its entire triangular body out and into the air right in front of Rob's face. The thing put its hands on what passed for its hips, ascended further into the sky, and turned a gaze with an undercurrent of frustration to Rob, who blinked and suddenly righted himself in confusion. Something stirred in the back of his mind, something that would have helped clarify the situation had he been more lucid.

"Hey, kid! Want a once-in-ten-billion-lifetimes opportunity?" came a shrill voice from everywhere, though Rob gathered the thing was the one speaking by how its body flashed. "You're about to hear me say something I have never said before! Listen up- I'll only say it once- this is the kind of thing you're gonna remember for the rest of your life, whether you want to or not!"

Happiness, maybe? Annoyance? Anger? It was hard to tell. Either way, Rob found his words at the exact same time that the yellow thing did, and as it turned out, they were the exact same words.

"Who the heck are you?"

[ask-notes-galore]

Lore Reviews: Bit of a Monster by Vylet Pony

I've been debating with myself for days about how exactly to describe "Bit of a Monster" by Vylet Pony. The sound seems so obviously familiar to me, like I should be able to tell the exact genre on the spot, but I have struggled a surprising bit to do so. I've concluded that this feeling is very fittingly descriptive of the song.

"Bit of a Monster" excellently blends multiple typically synth-heavy genres, along with some clear inspiration from other genres. If I were forced to give it a proper description, horn to my neck, I would describe it as a punk-inspired type of disco/dance/synthpop with elements of hoofgaze sprinkled in. It opens with a real tone-setter of an intro; dark - yet funky - guitar and bass, immediately followed by classic disco/dance synths, initially reminding me of the 2022 album "Vices" by Neighland. Similar to the instrumentation, Vylet's vocals follows the same tone, dark yet funky, until the chorus a minute or so in, when the guitar and percussions take over and unleashes in a climax of the punkier tones of the single, supported by rather than led by the synth.

I am not the only pony with thoughts on this single, of course. I therefore chose to seek out somepony to chime in, and who better than the pony who has listened to this song the most in all of Equestria? The interview went… Uhm… I'm gonna say it went... okay.

Uhm... Yeah! A huge thanks to Jules for letting me do this interview! Anyways... Vylet never disappoints. Sea's biggest strength is sea's versatility, and this single is just yet another proof of this. It is far from the first time Vylet has dabbled in punkier tones, the 2023 album "Carousel (An Examination of the Shadow, Creekflow, and its Life as an Afterthought)" - say that title three times fast - features several that fit the bill, and even includes tracks comparable to alt-metal! Although we may know Vylet Pony primarily for synthpop and EDM/brostep, we know what sea is capable of. Sea makes sure to remind us of this again and again. Is this single ringing in a new era for Vylet? I don't believe so. I believe it is simply a continuation of the work we know and love Vylet for, with surprises around every corner, and a firm refusal to stay put with one single genre or sound. Either way, I personally am very excited to hear what comes next! I'll see you around! Editors note: Jules currently has 1801 plays on Bit of a Monster at the time of posting.