#but I'll translate it if anyone wants me to!!
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Kenshin's Sequel: Passionate Route
Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Not a full translation.
Kanetsugu: "Lord Kenshin. The battle is over. Please, return."
Kanetsugu: "You've been fighting ever since then."
Kanetsugu: "Kicho and everyone connected to him are gone now."
(Kenshin.)
My heart thudded uncomfortably, and my fingertips trembled.
Kenshin: "I see. It's over."
Kenshin looked down upon the battlefield, where corpses stretched endlessly.
Kenshin: "There's no going back to the past, is there, Kanetsugu?"
Kanetsugu: "………"
As Kanetsugu fell silent, Kenshin faintly smiled.
Kenshin: "Everyone vanishes before me."
Kenshin: "If I stop, the weight of what I've lost will drive me mad."
The golden sky reflected off the blade he drew slowly from its sheath.
Kanetsugu: "----!"
(Don't tell me he's...?)
Kenshin: "No, perhaps I've been mad for a long time."
Kanetsugu: "Lord Kenshin! What are you—"
With vacant eyes, Kenshin placed the blade against his own throat.
Kenshin: "The battle is over, and death has finally caught up to me."
Kenshin: "If I could only be with Mai once more."
Kanetsugu: "Wait!"
(Kenshin!)
Kenshin: "Mai, even as my life ends, I still love you."
Before Kanetsugu could stop him, Kenshin quietly slid the blade against his throat.
(Stop!)
Even as I reached out, my hand couldn't reach him, and he collapsed to the ground.
(No. This can't be.)
(I can't believe he did that.)
The unbearable sight nearly tore my heart apart.
(Someone...please...save Kenshin.)
Mai: "Kenshin…"
The sound of my own hoarse voice jolted me back to consciousness.
I was drenched in cold sweat, and my heart pounded uncomfortably.
(It was a dream, but not just any dream.)
I tried calming my ragged breathing and sat up cautiously.
(Where am I? I've never seen this place before.)
The dark room was quiet, and there was no one in sight.
Mai: "Is anyone there?"
(Where's Kenshin?)
I tried to stand up, feeling a desperate urge to see him when suddenly—
Kenshin: "Mai."
Kenshin entered the room, his eyes widening as he looked at me.
Mai: "Kenshin…"
Kenshin: "………"
The water bucket he held fell to the floor with a loud thud.
Without even glancing at it, he came to me and wrapped his arms around me.
Kenshin: "Thank you for waking up."
(It's really him. His warmth is real.)
In the dream, I couldn’t even touch him, but now, holding him close, my heart’s on fire with emotion.
Kenshin: "It must have been so painful and difficult for you."
As he frowned and gazed at me, I could see the deep signs of fatigue on his face.
I suddenly realized just how much he’d been worrying about me.
(I'm scared to ask, but I need to know.)
Mai: "Kenshin, what happened to me?"
Kenshin: "………"
He sighed softly and gently brushed the hair from my cheek.
Kenshin: "Do you remember sending Shingen and Sasuke into the future?"
Mai: "Yes, I remember losing consciousness after sending them away."
Kenshin: "Three days have passed since then. You were wandering between life and death with a high fever."
Kenshin: "We stumbled upon this empty temple and decided to take shelter here."
(This is just like what I heard in the dream.)
(If that's the case, I'll disappear tomorrow.)
The stark reality pressed against me, sending a chill through my spine.
Kenshin: "Were you surprised by how long you were unconscious?"
Mai: "Uh, yes."
(I have to try to appear calm.)
(I can't tell him what I saw in the dream.)
Mai: "So, what about the battle with Kicho?"
Kenshin: "It's still ongoing. I don't want to be away from you, but I judged that this is the quickest way to end the war."
Kenshin: “That’s why Yukimura is with you, taking on the role of rear support.”
(Yukimura must be extremely worried about Shingen, yet he’s still protecting me.)
Mai: “I see. I need to thank him later.”
Kenshin: “He’s the one who should be thanking you.”
Kenshin: “When he heard you helped Shingen, he was in tears.”
(Yukimura.)
The image of Yukimura looking so sad in my dream pierced my heart.
(What should I do? I need to prevent that future.)
(Time is running out even as we speak.)
(What can I do right now?)
Frustration and anxiety burned within me, clouding my mind.
(The farewell with Kenshin is looming close.)
I held him closer, worried that if I relaxed even a bit, I'd start crying.
Kenshin: “Mai, you look terrible. You should rest a little longer.”
Mai: “But if I fall asleep…”
(I might never see you again.)
I couldn’t finish my sentence and looked down, only to be met with his gentle smile.
Kenshin: “Are you feeling lonely?”
Kenshin: “I’ll be by your side all night, so you don’t need to worry.”
(He's always so kind, which just makes things even harder right now.)
I wiped the tears that had welled up in my eyes and looked up at him.
Mai: "Kenshin, I have a request."
Kenshin: "What is it? Go ahead and say it."
Mai: "Could you kiss me?"
Kenshin: "..........."
Mai: "I'm sorry for asking something so weird right after waking一"
Mai: "Mmm…"
Before I could finish speaking, he captured my words with his lips.
The kiss, almost possessive, ignited a heat within me, and I clung to his kimono.
Kenshin: "It's not sudden at all. I've also longed to touch you."
Kenshin: "I've wanted to feel your warmth."
His tongue, pressing eagerly, tenderly traced the insides of my mouth.
The wet sounds of our kiss tickled my ears, sending heat rushing to my head.
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It doesn't happen a lot, but for once I'll be venting on main. Let's talk about fandoms and languages, in a very frustrated way.
Many time, I have found myself upset at and exhausted by the entitlement of native English speakers when everyone else is already making the effort to speak their language.
Try (and I'm not being a Yoda here, I don't even say to do it, just to even try) to speak my language, and then we'll talk about the terminology I use and the grammar mistakes I make. Don't you dare dogpile on me for using the wrong word when I'm clearly not native. No, I was not trying to insult anyone. Yes, what I said was wrong, but you can point it out in a didactic way without being aggressive, and you can acknowledge that we are not all equal in languages or in our abilities in learning English, the One Language To Rule Them All (with all the dark implications of the title.)
Heaven's sake. I know I'm sometimes missing nuances. I am painfully aware that I'l never speak or write like a native speaker, and I'll never grasp the full underlying meaning of some words. Especially when they are words that have evolved, that have become something else in the context of modern Internet, in a corner of the web that I don't visit, because most of my English interactions are in the context of fandoms.
I don't understand your memes. I don't understand your jokes. I likely never will, and I've given up on asking for explanations, because they usually come with even more ununderstandable jokes, sometimes borderline mockery.
And don't you dare tell me "but your English is so good! Don't worry!" because guess what? I know. I've been studying that language for 25 years. It's my fucking job. I am rather confident in the fact that I know English grammar better than most native English speakers. It doesn't mean I don't make stupid mistakes, and it doesn't make me a native speaker. No matter how hard I try, I will never, ever be a native speaker.
Day after day after day, I'm putting in the effort of thinking in a language that isn't mine, looking for hidden meanings and weighing every sentence because even after 25 years, they'll never come naturally. Day after day, interaction after interaction, I wonder if I'll accidentally insult someone because of an awkward, gauche phrasing.
And I write this while being fully conscious that I have the priviledge of being a native speaker of one of the colonising languages. There are tons of resources in my language.
"If you're not happy, then just don't go to English fandoms."
See, that's the thing. Fandom activity exists in my language, but not in the fandoms I'm in. But you know, maybe I will. Maybe I'll snap and populate a full niche fandom with stories that native English speakers can't understand in a glance, have to put in an effort to interact with. Maybe I'll make memes in my language that none of my mutuals can get. But in the end, it will just be like shouting in the void.
Because here's a reality: most English speakers never put in the effort. They see a foreign language, and move away. And if, by some sort of miracle, they actually want to try, then they are lucky to be able to count on automated translation. Machine translation tools are always trained on English first. Any language > English usually is the pair that has the most reliable results. The same cannot exactly be said about English > any language. And again, I acknowledge that I'm priviledged in such a case, because I'm native of a language that is well-covered.
But it will never be enough for international fandom interactions. Another uncomfortable reality: the globalisation of fandoms has led to erasure of most other languages in fan spaces. This one's going to be hard to reclaim.
So I adapt and I speak English and I write in English. Sometimes I read fanfics and I cry, because I stumbled upon a sentence that I know, even with the best efforts in the world, I would have never managed to come up with. Sometimes I realise that between my job and my fandom activities, English has become such a huge part of my life that I'm losing my own mother tongue, that my phrasing is becoming awkward in it too. I'm not confident anymore using it. I look at the sentence I wrote on the blank page and I cry some more.
And I'm so, so tired of seeing "well-meaning" entitled native English speakers (and, no offense, but most happen to be from the USA, so there might be something cultural at hand here, but while I feel legitimate to observe languages, I don't think I have the legitimacy to observe societies) trying to hold everyone in the world up to their self-centred standards.
I speak English because you speak English. Speak my language flawlessly, and then we'll talk about my flaws when speaking yours.
#i am aware that this post will likely not gain me any friends#but it does say “linguistic equity apologist” in my bio so you knew what to expect#and honestly this is the tamest post i could make on the topic#would love to hear what other non-English native speakers in fandoms have to say about it#happy to interact with English native speakers about this topic too#but whoever dares go “Not all native English speakers!” gets blocked on sight#like maybe i genuinely like you and your blog this is not something i will compromise on#check your fucking priviledges#lia in fandoms#lia blabla#lia likes languages
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hiiiii sorry this is a super random ask 👉👈 but i saw a post about how braziliains have a birthday tradition? something about dedicating a slice of the cake to someone important to you. i couldn't help but think of your brazilian ishimondos but >.> wanted to hear about it from the perspective of someone who presumably actually has experience/knowledge of this.
I had no idea this was a Brazil only thing 😭 omg everyday I get more surprised by the differences in cultural things-
But anyway, yes we do that!! At birthday parties the person who's celebrating their birthday gives the first slice of the cake to the person they think is most important to them, so the slices are not given randomly, they're usually given in an order of who's the favorite first and then the others. We also clap and sing before cutting the cake!!
Brazilian Mondo would DEFINITELY dedicate the first slices of his birthday cake to Daiya and Taka, who would always get so emotional about it, meanwhile Daiya would be making jokes about Mondo non-stop
#morangoowada asks#mondo owada#kiyotaka ishimaru#daiya owada#i definitely should make a tag for these brazil danganronpa things. it's becoming an AU of some sort-#Brazilian Mondo is a fan of Mamonas Assassinas(I made this drawing while listening to them OWHPDJDODJ)#not sure if I should translate what they're saying. the joke loses a bit of it's meaning#but I'll translate it if anyone wants me to!!#thanks for the ask!! :))#morangoowada art#brazilian danganronpa
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I love you messy artstyle i love you visible brush strokes I love you textures and rough edges I love you imperfections I love you roughness and colour blobs I love you scratchy sketches and bold stylisation and dirt and imperfections I love you ugly and raw emotion!!!!! ❤️
#i talk sometimes#art talk#i made a tweet like this on twatter ages ago but i've been feeling this a lot lately#also this is the start of me writing more on this blog and not only using it as art because who cares!! i don't!!#I wanna translate raw emotion into colors and shapes. I wanna know where to ignore all details and where to go ham you feel me?#i used to dream about developing a style like for MtG where it looked like a masterful oil painting that oozes realism and details#and i've realised the last two years or so that I would actually hate that for me. I know I wouldn't enjoy doing it. For myself.#it's that pipeline from wanting to be the perfect realistic wotc artist to accepting that I will never be that#instead i wanna learn how to stylise better and get a good brush economy going yknow. I wanna be bolder.#i doubt i'll ever be as incredible as all these MtG artists no matter what anyone says. but it's ok!! i don't have to be!!!#i just luv art man!!
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.
#utmv#sanscest#reaper sans#error sans#DestructiveDeath#undertale au#this was a request but tumblr ate the thing i'm sorry dragon anon#there was supposed to be like an afterdeath implication but it does not translate at all#this ship has only brought me despair and i think it's fitting tbh#i had to redraw this thing because halfway the lights went out and half of it was gone#i have like a thousand takes on how reaper would react to geno being error#the only thing i'm sure is that reaper would stick around error#like a friendly shadow#his very own angel of death kind of thing#like did he learn something from losing tori and geno? was it for the better?#does he give up on everything and is on board with error's whole destruction thing?#does he only put up with it because he doesn't want to lose him and death is the only connection he has with him?#does he have problems letting go of geno and starting over with error?#is this like angsty or is it more silly???#why did i make an awful playlist for all this???#anyways if anyone ever requests destructivedeath to me ever again i'm deleting my blog i swear/j#maybee i'll post the other doodles i made for this thing but that's it
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i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this
#you all know that i can't stand gatekeeping and how that's why i bring up what i like all the time in various contexts#but the surprising thing with mbf for me is that i can't talk about it as freely to people who don't know me#because i can't find a way to translate it without having to offer some crucial segment of myself#i enjoy sharing ideas and thoughts more than anything else but i don't like sharing me the person behind them#because i really cherish my individuality as something important in spite of where it takes me sometimes#i don't want to tarnish it!!!! i don't want even the smallest piece of it to be missing because i wouldn't know what to do anymore#i'll stick to typing out thoughts here and to my mom and to my med textbooks#but i must say it feels strangely refreshing to have something that is only my own this way because i always have to put myself out there#and this way i am not giving anyone the opportunity to twist it into something terrible about me#my spontaneous outbursts might ruin this for me though#letters from stephanie*#i dislike that i can't step outside of my own experiences with this like i usually do because art should be shared#this is suchhh a crazy person post#i think i finally get what my dad means when we fight about how i shouldn't say everything i think all the time#he doesn't want me to filter myself he wants me to preserve who i am from harm because stepping up sometimes won't help#who i'm trying to help but it will ruin me in some way even if it just makes me upset#i think that's how he manages to be calm without betraying himself?#he isn't lying he's just saying what he thinks when it matters and to those that matter#like most of the time i am right to single myself out but there is a particular shade of grey when i shouldn't do it#idk this is literally donna telling the dr YOU CAN STOP NOW.#realistically i just need someone to calm me down when my passions turn against me#overly personal post once again i am sooo sorryyyy look away
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Can only imagine the stress of getting as many asks as you do… you’re a true pioneer in Longloving and your effort doesn’t go unnoticed. Please take all the time you need answering everyone we appreciate you!!🤍
Oh, don't worry, I don't answer anything that I dont want too. It just happens that I'm a fucking 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 and I love writing bizarre shit.
#it just takes a while to generate the ideas then translate them to text in a way that sounds good#can you tell writing has never been my strong suit?#im happy people like reading what i have to offer#after seeing the movie for the first time and seeing NOBODY writing for him. a single tear rolled down my cheek#it was really giving “I am burdened with a glorious purpose” tbh. and i needed to get the ball rollong#luckily i may be able to retire soon and pawn off my ideas on other unsuspecting blogs#i do like writing i just get busy. but as long as people still want me to and still send asks I'll keep answering them#to the best of my ability really#its really sweet of you to say that. i appreciate anyone who's stuck with me through all the nasty shit i post 🥰#ask
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for my own sanity, i'm transcribing ZSX's goodbye video monologue for FDB:
去岁初夏逢君盛 今朝花落梦方醒 故事到此收笔 但人生还长 江湖路远 意气江湖正道安 风华正茂是少年 愿将来的方小包 经历风雨 不忘少年初心 走遍人间 仍有他路可寻 山高水长见日光 始终不忘少年样 前路存知己 江湖有相逢 于道各努力 千里自同风 方多病 希望你不服众望 成为下一个传奇
XSY's was much simpler (both he and CY pretty much just used their lines from the show; only ZSX spoke so much. and as c-netz pointed out, this truly is ZSX! the voice he gave FDB sounds different).
anyway, XSY's goodbye to DFS:
“一个剑客不该有��点。” "A swordsman shouldn't have any weaknesses." “此生只有一愿,就是赢他。” "In this life, I have only one wish, which is to win him in a fight." 老笛,笛飞声。愿来世你能得偿所愿。 Lao Di, Di Feisheng. I hope, come the next life, all your wishes will come true.
and then CY's goodbye to LXY and LLH:
“去去重去去,来时是来时。” "What is meant to go, will go. What is meant to come, will come." “这人生嘛,本处处都是遗憾。” "In this life, intrinsically, regrets may be found everywhere." “十年了,没有什么放不下的,也更没有什么解不开的结。” "Ten years have passed. There's not much that cannot be set down, not to mention any knots that cannot be untied." 李相夷,李莲花。江湖一程,有幸相逢。再见了。 Li Xiangyi, Li Lianhua. You ventured into the jianghu. If we are lucky, we'll meet again. Goodbye for now.
and at the end of all their videos, the text read:
江湖别处有相逢,杯酒一盏此君行。 Elsewhere in the jianghu, we'll reunite. With this small cup of wine, I bid you farewell and send you off.
#mysterious lotus casebook#莲花楼#cdrama ramblings#i'll translate ZSX's later im too tired rn#if anyone wants to tackle it first tho please go ahead#the theme of “waking up from a dream” is making me very sad#ALSO like the fact that DFS's vid is about the next life... as in. the current one is no longer worth anything anymore#because LXY is no longer here#but good news my fellow FeiHua enjoyers cuz CY and XSY are collab-ing on a different cdrama lol#bad news is that apparently XSY's character is SUPER SAD#i saw ppl say it's even sadder than MLCB so...#but anyway i saw pics of XSY with white hair and now im devastated by the notion#of DFS having a 一夜白头moment bc he sacrificed all his life energy or wtvr to save LLH
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my favorite parts of draft zero of the diner thus far
#nuclearwriting#idk if anyone's online but i wanted to share some writing :^)#trying to make it feel as cinematic as possible so it's easier to translate into actual writing once i go over it again#as always feel free to send me asks about the story or characters or anything!! i'll answer any asks i get asap :D#the last part is a part of a bigger sequence which bounces between current yancey in the kitchen and a memory#in which he's cooking with his mother. he has to cook a new dish for the diner to prove himself to the owner#and the current moment and the memory are woven together with a song. and then That happens#and then after the final sentence of that part it bounces back to the current moment and yancey has finished the dish#again very cinematic but i like making it feel like a movie. if that makes sense. anyway hello
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Not people asking Celticists to do critical editions of texts because they asked us nicely to.
I would love to edit and translate manuscripts all day long, on top of working as a teaching assistant, my side job in the field that also pays me, preparing conference papers for presentation, which often includes translating Latin, Middle Welsh, Old Irish, Early Modern Irish, and Modern Irish myself, even when scholars before me have translated them (to ensure that the nuances are captured), adapting those papers to Powerpoints, arranging accommodations and flights for said conferences, playing Stardew Valley, organizing conferences/conference panels, working on my phd, working on projects that are actually publishable in the field, plotting the next Fomoire invasion of Ireland, as well as my various and assorted commitments to different groups and organizations that I am also doing without pay in order to bolster my CV so that there is a snowball's chance in Hell that I have a shot at employment, while even more senior scholars in the field have to struggle to justify their translation work. It reminds me of an article on the Celtic Students blog that talks about how the overwhelming amount of public outreach in the field, at the moment, is done by Grad Students, yours truly included.
In these digital spaces, students of Celtic Studies (predominantly graduate students) carry the brunt of the public's attention, and work to amend persistent pervasive errors or misunderstandings (such as 'did the Celts really fight naked in battle', 'were the Celts really matriarchal', and 'why did Saint Patrick commit a genocide against the pagans') that have found themselves deeply rooted in public consciousness. These misunderstandings appear to have been perpetuated by the rise of the internet giving the public access to wildly out of date scholarly publications, the Wikipedia articles on medieval Celtic literature being deeply inaccurate, and a small cottage industry of people producing exceptionally inaccurate self-published books (and ebooks) about 'Celtic Mythology' that dominate digital marketplaces such as Amazon and the Kobo storefront.
Despite this being important work, and entirely legitimate scholarly labor, it can be disheartening when this work is not recognized as legitimate or worthwhile by senior members of the field compared to standard scholarly activities.
#like it's a request but it's an inherently unreasonable one to ask of anyone#we KNOW there's a lot to be translated#we WANT to share it with the public#but we CAN'T#we're working on it as best as we can but we are GRAD STUDENTS#we are functionally amoebas in the field#amoebas with very uncertain futures#in a time when translation work isn't only long and tedious work#but also increasingly unfashionable#*I* wanted to do translation work for my PhD and I was basically told no#if you want me to do work that will not get me anywhere as far as my future career...pay me#per hour#Given that you're asking for the product of approximately 4-5 years of training I think that $25 is reasonable#Keeping in mind it can take me that long to translate a sentence...sometimes even a word#and of course in order to do a TRUE critical edition I'll need to see the manuscripts#which depending on if it's online or not means that you'll need to pay for my flights and accommodation in Dublin (most likely)#which if you know Dublin prices...*woo*#It's only a few thousand dollars or so#if it's that important to the public it's worth it
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that guy
#one piece#eustass kid#my art#undescribed#<- its 2am and im brain has given up i'll go back tomorrow/later today to write some alt text#feel like i havent drawn anything serious in weeks. didnt vibe at first with the shading in the first one so i tried smth flatter.#i had thoughts i wanted to say about him but yeah. i like him. i like that he love his bestie a ton. and his style and kind of shitty#personality and worse temperament. he's fun. anyway goodnight. oh yeah. in french they translated a word as 'best friend' which made me#realized not a single characters that i can remember had ever called anyone best friend. then i check the english translation and turns out#they translated it as 'partner' (tis all about how kid and killer calls each other btw) a +100 eps later killer use the same word again thi#time its translated as 'partner' too and also i manage to catch the word these two been using. 'aibou' and well. there seems to Meanings an#all about this word im thinking i need to look it up properly when i remember to do it but i just happy these two love each other a lot yet#still refers to the others as 'teme' sometimes which man. so funny. i also love killer too btw. need to draw that hug. 12 years theyve been#in my life and i knew nothing of them till now its interesting feeling.
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Konoha's name in braille
Japanese braille (tenji): このは あきのり
English braille: Konoha Akinori
Korean braille (jeomja): 코노하 아키노리
This is so random. I really need to increase my skill range. By the way, fun fact, Japanese braille has spaces unlike Japanese. And this is kana braille because kanji braille is way too complicated for me.
Unicode versions in case anyone's interested (warning, it looks a little misleading: dots on the right look like they're on the left):
このは あきのり ⠪⠎⠥ ⠁⠣⠎⠓
Konoha Akinori ⠠⠅⠕⠝⠕⠓⠁⠀⠠⠁⠅⠔⠕⠗⠊
코노하 아키노리 ⠋⠥⠉⠥⠚ ⠣⠋⠕⠉⠥⠂⠕
#katrina posts#konoha akinori#braille#i have very normal interests thank you very much#konohafestivalmonth#also just the basic part of kana braille is actually really easy#like really really easy#can memorize in 5 minutes as long as you know the layout of the alphabet#i haven't looked up datuken and stuff yet (because there are non in Konoha's name) but maybe i'll just go and learn the entire thing#why not#also there's a bunch of contraction rules in english braille that i don't know#and it's possible that the 'in' contraction wouldn't work because the pronounciation is “a-ki-no-ri”#but. probably not. hopefully not.#the Korean braille i am totally confident in#maybe i shouldn't be though because i misspelled 'ㄴ' as 'ㅌ' (in braille) TWICE#they aren't even similar looking i just mindlessly clicked the braille that looks like the original character#i feel kinda bad tagging this with the festival month tag but it's probably fine. there's only like 3 posts with the tag on tumblr and one'#i wish i could. do useful things with braille.#i don't personally know anyone who needs braille though#if i did i would translate all sorts of stuff for them (if they want me to) and only charge the printing fee (roughly 10 cents per page)#anyways enough rambling i love Konoha#konoha
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I liked doing this last week, but it will get kinda repetitive in the coming weeks. So I'm not sure if I'll do it often while I'm posting the modern/band AU, but oh well!
It's another Saturday morning in a blanket with new music. Truly all I could ever need to write.
Here's what I've been working on...
Modern/band AU is fit and ready to start posting this upcoming week. Chapter [redacted] is complete, and I'm now far enough ahead that even a few weeks of busy life won't stop a regular posting schedule. And if I keep up writing then I'll be able to post around Xmas without needing a break!
Chapter [redacted+1] has an opening sentence, which is often the hardest part.
The outline for the AU has been modified a little. Combined three chapters into one, split out another chapter into two. Probably lots of consolidation to be done otherwise. There's a weird bit in the outline that's kinda fuzzy, but I'm sure I'll knuckle my way through it since it's not thematically deep. Might even be another chapter consolidation. This fic is definitely going to be longer than the 40k I was hoping it would top out at...
Editing the previous chapters has been a fun exercise in trimming the fat! I still want there to be scenes that are just ~vibes~ but I axed 1k words and the whole thing is cleaner for it.
More Minthara/Lae'zel is in the works, but it's mostly only the skeleton of an idea as I've had to rework it multiple times. I've a little under 1k actually written, and I'm not too convinced of what it is at the moment either. Quite frustrating.
Another seedling of an idea for non-smutty Asheera/Shadowheart fics. But it's really just "Shadowheart meets Asheera's parents" and boy I'm not ready for the mixed emotions Shadowheart's going to feel in that one. You know it's not just going to be fluff.
The Gauntlet/Nightsong segment for my core Shadowheart/Asheera series has a skeleton of an outline now. The POVs have been picked, the core beats are there, and I know it's going to hurt like a motherfucker to write some of this.
#random rambling about writing#anotheropti fanfiction mind soup#OK a lot of these tags are truly mind soup so I don't advise anyone to take them as anything but letting off steam#if I was smarter I would just type the shit in these tags into a word doc and delete it lol#in which I look at the modern/band AU and wonder what I've gotten myself into#the anxiety of feeling like it's a disaster already and mentally preparing myself for that#mixed with the panic of realizing I'll be locking myself into months of it#bc I *cannot* stand having unfinished works#if you've been wondering why I'm writing as much as I can before posting anything this is why!#if I get hit with a week of hating what I've put out in the world then I can recover and still have chapters out#which is...#it's the same feeling I get when I submit writing to literary agents#except agents will tell you bluntly that they don't want it whereas people in fandom just glide by#as is everyone's right don't get me wrong#but I have severe problems with imposter syndrome and it's always worst when I'm posting longer stuff#and translating these characters to a modern setting and struggling with their characterizations gave me -10 to Will saves#so it's like “who is this for? is this for me and only me? does anyone need this? why make myself upset?”#anyways that was a lot of venting so now I write
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i'm really ashamed to admit this but i'm over halfway through the last ep of love for love's sake and i think i'm a lot more confused than i should be T-T i know i should wait till the end to be sure but i'm pretty positive i've been missing crucial story points this entire time. is it my shit attention span or my lack of understanding of video game mechanics. the world may truly never know
#love for love's sake#i feel like it might be a specifically kbl style of storytelling that i for some reason find it really difficult to follow#i remember this happening to me in other korean shows too#maybe it's a different rhythm of narrative beats than i'm subconsciously expecting? maybe there's a lot getting lost in translation?#i'll finish out the ep because i want to see them have their happy ever after even if i can't figure out how they got there#if anyone wants to talk this through with me i'd be happy to#i feel like there's a really complex beautiful storyline somewhere just beyond my interpretive reach#sigh. i'd still die for them though
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#i don't like how this past year has been me getting really anxious because of my health#because it really put me on edge deciding whether i want to draw and finish my projects#or do my schoolwork and finish college#because i haven't been able to imagine myself anywhere past graduation and my health situation hasn't helped matters#i could be overreacting and i'm actually fine and this is a temporary pain issue#because i'm continuously denied getting my pain checked out due to expenses and the like#everything is too expensive#who knows maybe i'll live past graduation and i can continue my art as usual#but i'm panicking more over the pain daily and feel like stopping my classes and just draw draw draw#i'm more concerned about making fanart tbh because i have so many ll wips#and i sincerely want to give back to the fandom more than ever#but a dead artist can't contribute#neither can a living artist who is in too much pain to work#still thinking about posting my wips and ideas and maybe they'll inspire some other people here#ideas and concepts will get lost in translation but it's better than nothing#... i wish we had more artists here#maybe i won't feel this way if that was the case#ernest talks#i really don't meant to death scare anyone reading this i could be overreacting over my own health#it just ties real closely to how worried i get about the fandom in general and how much time i dedicate making projects for the community#so i'm just.. scared i guess#how would people know when a blog largely on hiatus is permanently inactive? will i let people know in time if something happens to me?
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the note that came with the flowers from my pa to my ma for her birthday 🥹💐
#rj speaks#they're so in love it's actually crazy#the way he talks about her is so special to me#he always compliments her wairua above everything else#te reo māori#if anyone wants an english translation i'll give it a go but it doesn't sound quite right in english the words don't have enough weight imo#my year in pictures#aotearoa
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