#but I'll probably have to go to that hell for 5 weeks this summer

[hirunoka]

Me, singing sadly while paying for 3 more classes I don't even wanna take actually:

[magics-neptunes-things]

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Hi guys!

This new chapter is a little bit more angsty but also very sweet 😇

Please enjoy!

TW : Injury, nightmares, mention of bad past, angst.

PART 1 I PART 2 I PART 3 I PART 4 I PART 5 | PART 7

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You didn’t give Alessia all the reasons for your nightmares, not because you don’t trust her, but because you don’t want to put her in front of the darkness of some people. When you see her the next morning for breakfast, Leah singing in the shower, it was without daring to look at her that you spoke.

"Less?"

"Mhm?"

Lost in her thoughts until now, the blonde looked up at you. You are leaning against the island of your kitchen while Alessia is seated at the table. You are never very in talking much in the morning, both needing time to wake up.

"You know, for last night…"

"You don’t have to explain anything to me" Alessia kindly assured you with a smile. "It’s okay"

"I know" you answered with a slight smile back. "It’s just that sometimes my dreams are a little too realistic. Things have happened in my past, but… well, you know."

It’s a very awkward explanation, but the blonde didn’t seem to want to hold it against you.

"And thank you, for staying and being there for me" you mutter shyly.

"You would have done the same for me"

The calm, safe tone that Alessia used made you look up at her. She’s not wrong, obviously.

"Yeah. I know you already have your share of best friends, but I’m happy with the place you’re taking in my life. You’re more like a sister to me than a simple friend"

Alessia’s chair rattles on the floor when she gets up, something that would have made you moan in everyday life. But since it’s to offer you one of her biggest teddy bear hugs, you don’t take the time to scold her, choosing to hug her back.

"I love you too" she whispers affectionately, rubbing your back.

Even if it’s not exactly what you told her, you understand the message and you hug her back even harder. That’s when Leah showed up in the kitchen, ready for today’s game.

"Molesting my girlfriend again, Russo?"

********

You and Leah are in the restaurant face to face when you talk about the subject that has been bothering you for a few days. It’s not a huge stress, but you’re wondering how to approach it, fearing a negative response from Leah.

The evening is going well, you have already come twice to this restaurant and each time you liked it very much. The choices are not multiple, but there is enough to satisfy your cravings for culinary discoveries and the list of foods rather restraint tolerated by Leah. The blonde is breathtaking in her outfit, once again, and you are happy to see that she made this clothing effort just for you.

It’s at dessert that you finally broach the subject, swinging nervously on your chair.

"Besides, I was wondering… do you have any plans while I’m away?"

You are called to training camps for the national team, Norway having to pass the play-offs to qualify for the next competition. With England already being on, Leah is kind of on vacation next week.

"No, not really. Probably spending time with my family, seeing Alex… that kind of things. Why?"

Leah looks at you curiously over her ice cream and you play mechanically with your spoon and a piece of cake.

"Would you like to come with me?"

"In Norway?"

You nod at her, without daring to look at her. The only time you offered it to Alina, she laughed and asked what the hell she would do there. You may not have chosen the best time since it was in summer and most people prefer to fly somewhere warm, but still.

"I thought I could show you some places I like and grew up in. And my parents have really wanted to meet you, since I’ve been talking to them about you. You can say no, if you don’t want to. There is no pressure and I will understand."

Leah’s hand gently settles on yours, making you look up at it immediately and stop your rambling.

"I'll come with pleasure Honey."

The simple answer makes you feel so relieved that you feel like your anxiety is deflating like a balloon.

"Yeah?"

"Of course"

"Awesome"

You can’t mask your smile, which makes Leah laugh softly. Her hand gets loose from yours when she starts eating her ice cream again, but you don’t take it personally. You have neither confirmed nor denied the rumors of relationship between you, preferring to live your story day by day. Plus, who are you against a mint chocolate chips ice cream?

Leah asks you what kind of clothes she needs to take and you laugh when she pouts when she learns the temperature differences between London, Oslo and your hometown. You have already spoken to her several times about your parents and she doesn’t seem otherwise stressed at the idea of meeting them. She’s right, you know your parents are going to love her very much. You’ve been working on it for a long time now anyway.

"Oh and there will surely be Mapi with Ingrid too" you inform Leah with a little amused smile.

"Excuse me?"

********

A few days later, you are on the plane to Norway, with some of your compatriots but especially Leah. You have another flight of a few hours to reach Tromsø, where you lived and grew up until you were stupid enough to want to run away with your first girlfriend to a bigger city. Having met her on the Internet, you have no memories with her in this city, which pleased Leah rather well. It’s not exactly the same for Oslo, but we’ll talk about it later.

Your parents, delighted to have their only child for a few days, have both picked you up at the airport. If Leah hasn’t been stressed in the last few days, she seems to have skyrocketed in the last half hour and the blonde didn’t stop talking for a single second. It made you laugh, but remembering how stressed you were when you officially met Leah’s relatives, you patiently answered each of her questions.

"It’s going to be ok Babe" you smile when you see her playing nervously with the tag of her suitcase while waiting to pass the security.

Since you are behind her, you step forward to put a kiss just behind her ear and you smile as you feel her letting her go against you. In recent days, it was rather her role to reassure you, the blonde fearing that your nightmares came back constantly. That hasn’t been the case, but Leah’s increased attention to you hasn’t been unpleasant. Especially because it means you get even more hugs and kisses than usual.

You have one of the biggest hug from both of your parents at the same time, before detaching from them to turn to Leah and make the introductions. As you might have guessed, the first contact is more than successful. Your parents speak English very well, which is lucky. Leah speaks a few words of Norwegian that you taught her, but she might not be able to have an ongoing conversation in that language.

On the way home, your parents ask you about the trip and your level of fatigue. If you slept during the first flight, the second not. They also inquire about what you are planning to show Leah over the next few days, also informing you that they are planning a dinner with some of your family members. Your cousin will come to see you play in Oslo too, this will allow Leah to meet her before finding herself with her in the stands of the football stadium. Your parents will be there too.

Dinner goes well (you made sure to give your mother the list of things Leah eats) and the kindness of your parents seem to help Leah relax quickly. You show her the house of your childhood, finding your bedroom that you had at the time.

It's a fairly simple room whose only large window overlooks your garden. Your double bed is glued against the back wall in the middle of the wall with your collection of stuffed animals. Your black carpet on which you have spilled paint hundreds of times above is at the feet of it, giving in your opinion an artistic touch to the latter. There are old trophies you won with your football teams on a shelf, a desk full of memories and useless things in its drawers and dozens of photos hanging on the wall.

"Is that you?" laughs Leah as she approaches the photos on one of your bedroom walls, picturing you behind your first birthday cake.

"No, that's the neighbor" you answer with a grin.

Leah laughs again and you let her discover your room quietly, taking the opportunity to join the bathroom adjoining your room to change and refresh a little. You see Leah entering the bathroom too from the mirror, which allows you not to jump when she sticks to you to put kisses on your cheek.

"How are you feeling?" you ask the pretty blonde.

"Good. Your parents are adorable, but it’s not surprising when you see their daughter" Leah says maliciously.

You roll your eyes and close the water tape, then turn in her arms to put your arms around her neck. That’s all Leah needed to put her head on your neck and put some kisses in it.

"What about you?" she asks between two of her kisses.

"I’m glad you’re here" you smile.

********

The next two days were spent in Leah discovering your hometown, your favorite places and different members of your family. As you would expect, Leah are doing perfectly well in the setting, getting along wonderfully with everyone. Despite the difficulty of the language sometimes, but you gladly play the interpreters between the two different worlds. Only the cold seems to be a bit of a problem for Leah, but you are in the very north of Norway, even further north than if you were in Iceland.

One day before the day set by the Norwegian federation, you fly back to Oslo. You managed to get a room for Leah in the same hotel where your team is staying and you’re counting on your family to keep Leah busy during practice. You don’t know yet whether you’ll be able to slip into her room at night, but you’ll see. For the moment you share the hotel room with Leah and it suits you very well like that.

While waiting for the gathering, you show Oslo to Leah and you have an appointment for lunch with Ingrid and Mapi. The idea that the two blondes meet makes you laugh a lot and you know that it’s the same thing for Ingrid.

"Does she speak English?" asks Leah as you join the restaurant where you are supposed to meet.

"She understands it very well but answers Ingrid in Spanish. But I'm talking English with her, even if she speaks great Norwegian. Anyway, I never had any problems communicating with her."

Leah drops a little grunt as a simple answer and you roll your eyes. You managed to get from Leah that this tension would have been born since the elimination of Spain during the Euro, which is in your opinion a little futile.

"You’d better pass over. Ona and Lucy don’t seem to have this problem" you noted with amusement.

"Don’t count on me to coo with Maria Leon" grumbled at Leah.

"I don’t ask that much" you laughed before changing the subject.

You are the first arrivals and you inform Ingrid of your presence once seated at the table. Leah asks you some more questions about the city, which you answer with pleasure, happy to see your girlfriend take so much interest in your native country.

A few minutes later Ingrid and Mapi arrive, and you get up to greet them, imitated by Leah.

(The words in italics are in Norwegian but for the good of all I have not translated them)

"It’s good to see you" Ingrid smiles, hugging you before looking at you. "You look good."

"It’s fresh Norwegian air" you joke, before resuming in English. "Ingrid, this is Leah. Leah, this is Ingrid."

You let your best friend greet Leah, knowing your girlfriend is in good hands when you hear Ingrid greet Leah in a joyful tone. You turn towards Mapi, to whom you also give a hug. You then turn to Leah to redo the presentations, between Mapi and her this time. The exchange is a little more tense than with Ingrid and you roll your eyes when you see them shaking hands, but it’s already that.

The conversations finally go very well, even if Ingrid and you are very often the ones who link things. Leah’s hand settled right at the beginning of the meal naturally on your knee and you didn’t hesitate to interlace your fingers.

After the meal, you decide to take advantage of the mild weather (the term makes Mapi snorts) to go for a walk a little more. You know you’ll see Ingrid again in the next few days, but if your respective girlfriends can get along well and discover commonalities, why not.

"Hot chocolate?" offers Ingrid when you walk past a hot drink stand to take away.

"I’m coming to help you" you tell Ingrid, dropping Leah’s hand to follow her to the booth.

"I like her" immediately announces Ingrid in line to get your drinks. "You did well about listen to yourself"

You smile softly, your chaotic beginnings being far behind you now. Well, only a few months but a lot has already happened between you and you feel so good with the blonde that you have the impression that all this is far behind you.

"She’s great, really" you answer always smiling.

"And you look so happy" Ingrid adds without leaving your face with her eyes.

"I am" you confirm sincerely.

You have no trouble supporting Ingrid’s inquisitive gaze, which nods with her smile. You don’t have to add anything to convince her, but she will tell you a little later that she already was just by hearing you on the phone.

"Look at them" you laugh softly pointing at your two blondes.

Ingrid follows your gaze on Leah and Mapi, both talking from the tip of their lips at eachother as if they were afraid of being seen by someone. The scene seems to amuse Ingrid as much as you since she also laughs before it’s your turn to order.

Your return is greeted with a big smile on both sides and if Leah isn't begged to recover her hot chocoalt, she also doesn’t hesitate to put her arm around your waist. There are fewer people on the streets of Oslo than in London, but if Leah is spotted in the stands of your next match, people will probably quickly draw the right conclusions.

It’s finally in the late afternoon that you say goodbye to the couple who must join Ingrid’s family for dinner. You propose to Leah to show her the citadel, the nightfall offering you magnificent colors. Leah graciously accepts when you ask her to take pictures together before you return to the hotel.

It’s on the way back that your eyes are hung by a shop front that you know rather well. Your glance is noticed very quickly by Leah, who slows down a little. She understands very quickly.

"Do you mind if we say hello?" you ask Leah.

She seems to hesitate a little and you gently tighten her fingers in yours, trying to make her understand that you will respect her answer regardless of her nature.

"I guess" she finally answers, shrugging her shoulders.

You drag her to the tattoo shop, the doorbell ringing when you open it. It hasn’t changed much since the last time you came, except that other drawings were added to the wall. Leah quickly spots your signed football shirt on the wall.

"Y/N"

Leah’s eyes follow the sound of the voice to fall on a young woman of your age, whom she hadn’t seen. The girl gets up from the desk behind which she was half hiding, resting the pencil she had in her hand to come to you. Well, right up to you because she’s hugging you for a warm embrace. What annoys Leah a little, she was often talked about Spanish and their tactile side but she was never warned that in Norway we also went without stopping touching her girlfriend.

"I didn’t expect to see you! How are you?"

"I’m fine" you answer with a smile, casually getting out of her arms to introduce Leah.

You slide an arm in the hollow of her back to advance her to your height, resuming in English.

"Nora, this is Leah. My girlfriend."

If the blonde couldn’t help but feel a touch of jealousy, she can only smile when seeing the smile and the pride with which you designate her. Finally the ball is put back in the center quickly, she thinks, before extending her hand to the tattooist to greet her.

"I don’t speak good English" Nora apologizes to Leah.

After your blonde assured her that it was fine like this, Nora’s attention turns to you and you exchange your latest news. You didn’t lie to Leah, you didn’t have any recent contacts, the jersey she hung on her living room wall was from the last international game you played before moving to Manchester. Leah quickly notices this by paying more attention to the frame. She also realizes that a photo of you and your tattoo are displayed just below, under your jersey.

What she doesn’t appreciate is the affectionate tone with which Nora seems to talk to you. Leah therefore takes care not to let go of your hand for a single second during your exchange.

"Does she know about us?" asks curiously Nora after a few minutes.

As if she had understood that you were talking about her, Leah looks away from the photos of tattoos displayed on the wall to report her attention on you two. You smile at her before you answer Nora.

"Yes. I don’t think there’s much she doesn’t know about me" you answer honestly and shrug your shoulders.

You are interrupted by another couple of clients entering the establishment and Nora apologizes for taking care of them, letting you drag Leah a little back from the entrance.

"If you tell me that it’s on her tattoo table that you did your disgusting business, I’ll burn the store" whispers Leah from the corner of her lips.

You laugh softly as you hear her, glancing at her in astonishment. You did notice Leah’s touch of jealousy at first, but there was nothing special about the rest of your conversation.

"This isn't where we did our disgusting business, likeyou say" you smile and roll your eyes. "You can calm your inflammatory tendencies. Plus, I have done way more disgusting things with you, Williamson."

"Not if she keeps looking at you like she does" the blonde grumbled, ignoring the second part of your sentence.

"Don’t be jealous" you say while tiptoeing to put a kiss on her cheek.

"You slept with her"

"It was a long time ago. I find the best one since"

"Hm."

You roll your eyes one more time and you cross her eyes without letting go of your smile. Leah ends up not being able to hold her smile and you deposit a new kiss, on the corner of her lips this time.

********

A few hours later, in your hotel room, you find yourself awake very early in the morning. Which is surprising since usually Leah almost have to push you out of bed. When you look at the time on your phone, you realize it’s barely 5:00 in the morning. And no matter how hard you try to go back to sleep, you can’t. Your mind flies over the different places in Oslo that you visited with Leah.

And the part that you’ve carefully avoided, afraid of running into Helena. You don’t know if she still lives here, you don’t know what happened to her either. But you could still find the house in which she lives (lived?) very easily. Without giving yourself too much time to think, you end up getting out of bed by taking all the precautions to not wake Leah. You dress quickly and before looking for what drives you to do this, you find yourself in the streets of Oslo in the direction of Helena’s house.

As you expected, you quickly find the way to this place that you hate more than anything. The lights are on upstairs and you take care not to being visible from where you are. With the day beginning to rise, you can observe the garden and see that it is still poorly maintained. The walls are even more decrepit than before and when a silhouette passes in front of the window without curtains you suddenly freeze.

It’s her.

But, unlike the last times you saw her, you didn’t feel the terror that inhabited you in her presence. Which is intriguing and difficult for you to understand. Then, finally, you realize that you don’t care. You can’t say that you don’t feel any negative emotions when you think about her, but you don’t care what she’s become.

On the other hand, thinking about the panic that Leah could feel if she wakes up without seeing you by her side makes you retrace your steps.

Leah is still asleep when you find your hotel room, but she quickly starts moving as soon as you get rid of your shoes and coat. You get back on the bed and put a hand in her hair, only now realizing your body temperature difference.

"Your hands are freezing" Leah complains, shivering, trying to stick against you probably to regain a little warmth.

"I'm sorry" you mumble while laying a kiss on the top of her head.

It only takes a few seconds for Leah to realize that you are no longer wearing your pajamas, stepping back to better observe you. Her eyebrows are frowned when she looks at your clothes and her eyes are uncertain when she rises on yours.

"Where did you go?"

"I went to Helena’s"

You didn’t hesitate a second to tell her the truth, but you flinch when you see Leah's face drops.

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing. It’s okay Babe"

But Leah doesn’t seem convinced and even seems to have trouble understanding what pushed you to go there. And honestly, you wouldn’t be able to explain why either. Actually, you recognize a little of panic in her eyes and in her voice when she talks again.

"Did you talk to her?"

"No" you answer by shaking your head, taking her hand in yours to play with her fingers. "I didn’t see her either, just out the window. Nothing changed there, it’s still creepy and poorly maintained."

"Why didn’t you ask me to come with you? If something had happened to you, I wouldn’t have even known where to get you Y/N, you’re completely unconscious"

"Leah stop, I’m fine"

Leah looks at you with a skeptical air before suddenly drawing you against her by mumbling things far too quickly and too low for you to understand something. But you let her do it, pressing your face on her chest and letting your hands slide on her arms.

"Never do that again. Never leave without telling me where you're going."

"Promise" you sigh softly, lulled by the beating of her heart and her arms around you.

"No sleeping now" Leah grumble while tickling your ribs.

"Leah" you moan, wriggling on her to avoid her fingers.

"I’m serious Y/N. If anything happened to you…"

You quickly understand that under her grumpy air, there is also a great deal of concern. So you hurry up to look at her. It will be necessary to quickly clarify your ideas to try to make her understand what you have done.

"Nothing will happen to me, Babe. I think I just needed to see this place again to realize where I am now. To realize how far I’ve come since. And to realize how lucky I am, too."

"It has nothing to do with luck. You’ve worked a lot to get where you are" Leah says, finally relaxing a bit.

"I wasn’t just talking about football" you point out with a smirk. "But the beautiful blonde in my bed, too."

Leah laughs while hearing you and you take advantage of her change of mood to deposit several kisses on her face, in the hollow of her neck and about every square centimeter of her skin that you can reach.

********

The match being important, the training camps were rather harsh and severe. You get up early in the morning to have breakfast with the team before going to train until lunch. A short walk through Oslo follows to relax before resuming training for the afternoon. In the late afternoon you have either physical strengthening or other activities such as swimming pool or other things that are supposed to increase your chances of winning.

Needless to say, when you return to your room at night, you are exhausted. Luckily Leah continues to discover Norway with your parents or cousin, or all three, which doesn’t make you feel too guilty for bringing her here without being able to take full care of her. The team is staying in the same hotel, three floors below Leah’s room. You managed to sneak into Leah’s room several times during the stay, regaining the comfort and benefits of her arms.

The massages and baths she offers you are much more pleasant than the care provided by the team caregivers, we will not lie.

The day of the game comes quickly and you learn that you will be part of the eleven players of the beginning of the game. You play against Italy, a team that you don’t know too well but that has shown its qualities many times. You are not extremely confident, but as you have nothing to lose it’s with some form of conviction that you join the field.

The stadium is pretty full and when you listen to the Italian national anthem, you look for Leah in the family area. You can’t help but smile when you see her, even if you quickly realize that she put on a Norway team jersey over her jacket. When she realizes that you are looking at her, she turns around before pointing to the back of the jersey. If you can’t read the name from where you are, you have no problem recognizing the number. And it’s yours.

"If that’s not dedication" mumbles Guro next to you with an amused smile.

You give her a quick look in turn, before greeting the Italian players who parade in front of you. You spotted Mapi a few rows above Leah and your family in the bleachers, all also dressed in a Norwegian jersey.

As you might have guessed, the game is physical and tactfully hard. Italy play in a rather rough way, each time flirting with the limit of the yellow card. So you find yourself quite often on the ground and it starts hitting on your nerves from the middle of the first half. You swear in Norwegian when the referee whistles after another tackle against you, accepting Ingrid’s hand to help you get up.

"Don’t let them get in your head, that’s exactly what they want. Stay focus." Ingrid tells you before joining the players standing close to the goal to try and get the free kick to the bottom of the net.

In Arsenal, it’s Katie who shoots the free kicks, but in the Norway team, it’s you who does it. You have been watching her a lot over the last few months, her kick and the precision she shows have always given you a lot of admiration. Even when you played her in Manchester City. Trying to remember the advices she gave you over time, you exhale before you step out of the ball to hit it.

You have the impression that it flies in slow motion, before finding the head of Vilde Bøe Risa and finishing at the bottom of the nets. The shouts of the crowd suddenly resound and you quickly join the rest of your teammates to celebrate the goal. You smile when you feel a few of them tapping on the head to congratulate yourself, returning to your place to allow the match to resume. When you look towards Leah, you can only smile when she raises her thumb in your direction.

It’s only with a small advantage on the counter that you find the changing rooms, but as your coach says, it’s better than nothing. You take advantage of the warmth of the changing rooms to warm up a little, accompanied by a hot tea. When you find the ground fifteen minutes later, the cold is still present but it seems to you less unpleasant.

Italy manages to equalize at the sixtieth minute, but thanks to a good pass from Ingrid you manage to allow Norway to regain the advantage about ten minutes later. The tension is palpable as the minutes pass the contacts become even more brutal than before.

And what was to happen happened.

It’s in the eighty-eighth minutes that you are again launched towards the goal.

You know that if you manage to score, it will definitely qualify your team. So you try to ignore your painful muscles and the different bruises that will definitely mark your body in a few hours to move away at full speed towards the opposing goalkeeper.

You only have one opponent to eliminate to get there, but she seems determined not to let you pass. The tackle you undergo is far from clean, your leg gripped in pincers between her two, emiting a sinister crack when you fall back on the ground.

The pain is immediate and so intense that you cannot hold back a real cry of pain. With your face leaning against the grass, you try to grab your leg to try to reduce the pain but you release it quickly when you understand your mistake. You’re in such pain that you can’t figure out exactly where you’re hurt.

Above you, an argument quickly broke out between several of your teammates and the player responsible for the tackle. The medical team is quickly at your side and you can’t help but push their hands when they start examining your leg.

"Don’t touch me" you beg by turning on your back.

Mixed up in the argument, Ingrid ends up shifting her attention to you by hearing the talking you have with the doctors. When she kneels beside you, one of the doctors quickly asks her to hold your hands to let them work. Ingrid obeys, letting you grab her hands as hard as you can.

Your best friend looks up at the family stands in front of you. She can therefore see that Leah has left her seat and moved as close to the field as possible, seeking to see as best as possible what is happening. Her face is twisted by worry, but what surprises Ingrid above all is to see that Mapi joined her and put a hand probably supposed to be comforting on Leah’s shoulder.

At their side, your parents and your cousin don’t seem to be particularly comfortable either.

Her eyes then rest on you when you are given morphine, before transferring to a stretcher. You leave the field under applause, but the pain and fear of the reality of your injury don’t allow you to appreciate them. Stretcher movements give you intense pain and you have to bite your hands so you don’t scream again. It’s a real relief when morphine finally takes effect some minutes after.

On the field, the end of the game is quickly whistled after the incident. When Ingrid joins her family and yours, she hugs Mapi while being having to answer hundred questions from your parents.

"Is it her ACL?" is the only question Leah asks.

"I don’t know" sighs Ingrid shaking her head, always in Mapi's arms. "She was... She wasn't able to say where exactly her pain was. I can try to get you into the locker room and infirmary if she hasn’t already left for the hospital. But maybe not everyone."

"Go ahead, Leah" your mother replies almost immediately, tapping on the blonde’s shoulder.

Leah hesitates for a split second, not wanting to interfere with the needs and desires of her in-laws. But one look at your father is enough to convince her and she skillfully jumps over the fence.

Ingrid trains her more or less discreetly towards the tunnel to reach the inside of the stadium, exchanging only a few words with your national coach in Norwegian. Obviously Leah doesn't understand a word of it, she only has in mind to be able to find you and know what you have.

Only a few dozen minutes have passed since the shock and your injury, but it seems to you that it's rather long hours. Despite the morphine, you continue to feel spikes of pain. You have never felt such intense pain and you find yourself having to focus on the painting of the ceiling to not lose consciousness.

After three knocks against the door, it opens slowly, letting your best friend and girlfriend pass.

"Leah" you manage to croak and she rushes towards you.

One of her hand squeezes your hand and the other gently caresses your hair while her eyes search for yours.

"What did they say?" Leah asks

"Nothing" you admit pitifully "They were waiting for morphine to take effect, it was hurting to much until now"

Speaking of which, you see two doctors come back inside the room and Ingrid slips away without having laid a kiss on your forehead. And after getting Leah’s promise to keep her informed.

Some new swearing in Norwegian escapes from your lips when they start auscultating you, Leah mentally promises herself to ask you about it in a few days. But right now she’s too busy sympathizing with your pain and looking for a way to turn you away from what’s happening.

"Did we win at least?"

"Yeah. 2-1. You were amazing by the way, we’re gonna have to fight to keep you at Arsenal if you keep playing that well."

You roll your eyes but you are quickly brought to the heart of the matter by the main doctor. He speaks Norwegian, so you have to translate it to Leah.

"What did he say?"

"He thinks it’s a fracture. They’ll transfer me to the hospital."

"At least it’s not your ACL" Leah sighs of relief.

You grimace before addressing the doctor again, asking if it's possible that someone could bring the things you left in the locker room.

Ingrid brings them to you, already changed and showered when she appears. Your parents, your cousin and Mapi follow her. All these people are not allowed to follow you to the hospital, but you reassure them as much as possible. You promise once again to keep them informed and you kiss them before going to the ambulance. Quickly realizing that it's impossible to put your foot on the ground or even hop while holding on to Leah, you are pushed on a bed to the vehicle.

Arriving at the hospital, you enjoy being able to wash yourself, with the precious help of Leah. You sigh with despair when you have to put on one of these hospital gowns, but this gives you the right to have access to a room and it's always more pleasant than the ambient noise of the reception of the emergency.

You leave Leah for a few moments to go for the scanner and she's eating the vanilla pudding of your meal tray when you come back.

"You hate vanilla" she exclaims for an excuse with an innocent face when you look at her with an half amused-half severe smile.

It also turns out that this is the only food that the blonde likes on what is offered on this set. You eat without much conviction under the insistence of Leah, the blonde certifying that she promised your mother to take care of you and that it begins by ensuring that you eat properly.

You both doze off when the doctors come back with your test results, you on your bed and Leah in a chair next to you. The blonde stubbornly refused to lie next to you despite your insistence, being too afraid to hurt you.

Leah’s frustration is at its height when you are given information in your native language, not understanding any of the words spoken. There is no similarity between these two languages and she wonders how you learned to speak English so well under these conditions.

"So?" she asks barely a second after the doctor has finished talking.

"Tibial tray fracture" you mumble

"Do you need surgery?"

You shake your head negatively, a little stunned by all this. You are interrupted by the doctor who tells you a few more words before leaving the room, shaking your hand then Leah's.

********

The night at the hospital was complicated for you, apart from the pain that kept you awake for many hours, you had to be taken away so that they put a cast that you will have to keep for a few weeks, before changing it for a splint. The only time you got your smile back was when you could choose the color of your blast.

"Red" you answered without hesitation.

"Red?" Leah asked when she saw the nurses preparing the mixture.

"If I have to stay stuck in the bleachers for a few weeks, I might as well match the colors of Arsenal"

You shrugged, trying to hide your sadness from this idea. Leah went through a lot more difficult than that and you don’t want to impose your moods on her. But she seems to have perfected her ability to read your thoughts since she immediately raised your face gently for you to look at her.

"Oh no, not that. You have the right to be sad, you have the right to be angry and you have the right to blame the whole world. But you don’t have the right to shut yourself up and not talk about how you feel. You don’t have to tell me if you’d rather confide to Less or someone else, but don’t shut yourself. Please."

Throat knotted, you couldn’t say anything, so you just nodded. That was enough for Leah who laid a tender kiss on your cheek.

"And you can count on me to be there every step of the way"

"I know" you smiled softly

With you and Leah not leaving until two days later, you mostly stayed in your hotel room after leaving the hospital. You have been busy for a long time with the various calls and messages you have received from many of your relatives. Instead of calling you once a week, your mother called you every day. And of course you got calls from Ingrid, Leila, Laia, Alessia (who in the meantime changed her name in your phone by Sis ✨), Katie and finally almost all of Arsenal.

"Nice free kick" told you Katie when she called you via FaceTime "I will have competition to take it at Arsenal, it’s good."

When you flew back to London and you’ve never been happier living in an elevator building. All that remains is to hope that it doesn’t break down for the next six weeks, when you can apparently start walking again without having the leg immobilized.

Leah will keep her promise to not to leave you alone for the slightest minute as she will establish a whole program with the club’s doctors so that your rehabilitation and the strengthening exercises you have to do will be planned at exactly the same times as the workouts of the others. When you’re not at Arsenal facilities, you are at home with her.

And on game days, you watch them play. The next match is against Aston Villa and you regret a little not participating in the game alongside Leah. Being able to beat the team in which your two exes evolve is a little too interesting idea for you, but it will wait next time. Meanwhile, you just follow Leah with your eyes, carefully studying Jordan’s behavior towards her.

Arsenal wins hands down and even if you are disappointed not to play with your team, you are very proud of your teammates. At the end of the match, you follow Lia who was replaced towards the end of the match on the field with your crutches, struggling a little because of the slippery ground. But you quickly reach the height of Alessia that you take in your arms to congratulate her on the goal she scored.

You’re having a hard time finding Leah in the crowd of players and you can’t help but get a little nervous about Jordan getting her before you. It’s however Katie who turns you away from this idea when she suddenly arrives behind you to lift you and begin to carry you like a bride.

"Let go of me, you maniac" you laugh when you see her starting a lap without letting you go.

"Why? Show everyone your cast!"

During one of the lunch breaks, her and Leah worked hard to reproduce the Arsenal logo on your cast and they are both very proud of their work. Your cast also has the names of all your teammates, a cat drawning made by Viv supposed to represent Raven, flowers made by Alessia and an Australian flag made by Kyra.

You roll your eyes, your arms around Katie's neck to stabilize you.

"Uh, the other way please" you mumble realizing that Lia is now exchanging a few words with Alina, right in the direction that Katie is going.

"Oops."

The Irish changes direction, only so that you find yourself facing Leah who looks at you both with fun.

"Can you give me back my girlfriend now please?"

"Dunno. I like her" Katie tease Leah as she tighten you up against her.

"I’m here too, by the way"

You see Caitlin waving her arm with a big smile a few meters from you, making the three of you laugh. When Katie finally puts you down, Leah beckons you to climb on her back, making you frown.

"People are gonna think this is weird, no?"

"Leah was in the stands of your last game with a jersey named after you. What would be weird is that they haven’t figured it out yet" Manu, who joined you, says.

"She’s right" Leah shrugged. "And at worst, we don’t care?"

Since the blonde doesn’t seem to see the slightest inconvenience, you don’t make yourself pray any longer. Leaning on her shoulders, you jump on her back, Leah passing her arms under your thighs so she can carry you properly. You greet the crowd from time to time when you hear your name, talking about everything and nothing with Leah and your teammates.

"So, we don't care right?" You ask Leah after a few minutes.

"Yes, why?"

You’re not answering her question. Instead, you lean over her and kiss her cheek, then the corner of her lips when she turns her head towards you. She grins and you grin back at her.

"Hard launch" Caitlin sings, her arm around Katie's waist.

"Yeah, you're the one to talk" Leah laughs while looking at them.

You didn’t see Jordan after the game and when you ask Alessia a little after, she will tell you that she actually went back to the locker room almost right after the whistle. It probably means to you that seeing you with Leah is difficult for her, probably confirming your theory. But the photos you see on social media a little later, while you are peacefully lying in Leah’s arms in your bed, could alone confirm that the blonde has indeed moved on.

The way she looks at you on those pictures gives you butterflies in your stomach and a wave of affection for her. Leah will only have two seconds to understand what happens to her when you drop your phone on the mattress to go up for her lips and kiss her passionately. She’s yours.

[seiya-starsniper]

Seiya's Dreamling Week Fanfiction Masterpost

Hello my darlings in Dreamling Fandom! Dreamling Week 2024 is upon us, and as part of the event, I'm making a masterpost of all my Dreamling fics! Some of you who have been here a while probably have seen me make different masterposts for various events so this shouldn't be anything new, just a more convenient list for all my Dreamling works.

Also, in tandem with @arialerendeair, I'll be collecting and reblogging other writers and artists masterposts! Here's how to send me your masterposts:

Send me an ask on Tumblr with the link to your masterpost

Send me a direct message with the link to your masterpost

Tag me in the replies to your masterpost

Once I've received your link, I'll send you a confirmation, add it to my queue and then reblog it during Dreamling Week. If you send me your masterpost during Dreamling Week, I will do my best to reblog it asap!

I am also going to be madly reblogging various posts, so if you don't have time to make a masterpost, no worries! I'm going through my own blog for content, and also the dreamling tag, so chances are high I'll catch your post.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get to the fic list:

Non-Explicit Fics

Six Degrees of Separation (Dead Boy Detectives crossover, Incomplete, 2/5 chapters, 3.5k words)

A Symphony of Hearts (Age Gap, Human AU, Incomplete, 1/2 chapters, 1k words)

do you remember all the city lights on the water? (Human AU, Complete, 1.9k words)

For The Birds (Human AU, Complete, 1.3k words)

Well Met, My Good Sir (Renaissance Faire Human AU, Complete, 1.6k)

first time, forever (Omegaverse, Complete, 1k words)

Begin Again (Retired Dream, Complete, 1.2k words)

dreaming of you tonight (Knight AU, Complete, 1.2k words)

a little of that human touch (Post Calliope Episode fic, Complete, 1.3k words)

Untitled Portrait of a Man (I Want to Obliterate Me) (Human AU, University AU, Complete, 5.5k words)

surely heaven waits for you (Simon Snow crossover, Human AU, University AU, Complete, 2.6k words)

Fly Me to the Moon (Human AU, Complete, 783 words)

Flowers for a Sick Man (Sickfic, Dream cares for Hob in the dreaming, Complete, 821 words)

Remember Me, For Centuries (Canon Divergence, Memory Loss, Complete, 971 words)

Hold me tonight (say it's all right) (Human AU, Complete, 1.4k words)

right where you left me (Canon Divergence, Hob doesn't meet Dream at The New Inn, Complete, 664 words)

Pictures of You (Episode 6 continuation, Complete, 807 words)

Everytime we touch (Fluff, Complete, 899 words)

Waking up together (Fluff, Complete, 584 words)

Duck Socks (Fluff, Complete, 503 words)

Unclip My Wings (Human Hob & Monster Dream, Complete, 1.4k words)

Don't Let the Light Go Out (Sci-Fi/Space Opera AU, Complete, 611 words)

Endless Love (Marriage fic, Complete, 1.3k words)

Set the Night on Fire (Human Hob & Dragon Dream, Incomplete, 2/4 Chapters, 10.4k words)

Coffee & Flowers (Miscommunication, Courting Rituals, Complete, 2.1k words)

The Lament of Morpheus (Rescue from Hell Fic, Angst, Complete, 2k words)

Dreams for a Dozen Cats (Meowpheus, Complete, 2k words)

A sweet dream (Main Character Death, Angst, Complete, 1.4k words)

they say our love's just like Magic (Magic the Gather Competitive AU, Human AU, Complete, 3.9k words)

Wake Up & Smell The Flowers (Human AU, Florist Hob, Complete, 5.3k words)

Mature/Explicit Fics

Soixante-Neuf - (Human AU, Complete, 1.1k words)

Turn the Page (A New Beginning, Another End) (Canon-adjacent AU, Fantasy AU, Complete, 42.9k words)

Summer Loving - (Human AU, Complete, 1.2k words)

All Wound Up (Human Hob & Centaur Dream, Complete, 3.1k words)

Midnight Pleasures (Vampire AU, Multiship, Complete, 16.7k words)

Waiting for Tonight (Supernatural AU, Complete 1.4 words)

sweet like poison ivy (Dreaming Sex, Complete, 884 words)

wrap me up nice and tight (love me all through the night) (Human Hob and Naga Dream, Complete, 3.5k words)

By the End of the Night (Centaur AU, Complete, 5.2k words)

In the Middle of the Night (In My Dreams) (Hobrintheus, Canon Divergence, Sequel Fic, Complete, 3.3k words)

Cherry Slick (Omegaverse, Age Gap, Selling Virginity, Complete, 3.5k words)

Spoils of War (Warprize Dream AU, Complete, 3k words)

secret moments (shut in the heat of the afternoon) (Omegaverse, Sequel Fic, Regency AU, Complete, 2k words)

Break Me, Shake Me (Omegaverse, Complete, 4.4k words)

Let's conspire to ignite (Fuck or Die, Complete, 11.5k words)

A Dream for a Viscount (Omegaverse, Regency AU, Complete 11.5k words)

A Maiden's Dream (Human Hob and God Dream, Blessed Maiden AU, Complete, 3k words)

A View to a Dream (James Bond crossover, 00 Agent Hob, Human Dream, Complete, 12.1k words

and if I get burned, at least we were electrified (Hobrintheus, Canon Divergence, Complete, 41k words)

[gcantread]

August 2024 reads

[loved liked ok nope dnf bookclub*]

My Lady Jane • The Wild Robot • Our Hideous Progeny • The Hero and the Crown • The Screwtape Letters • The Seventh Veil of Salome • Our Shouts Echo • Villette • The Lies of Alma Blackwell • The Mercy of Gods • Mistress of Lies • Lady Macbeth • Go to Hell • Lucy Undying

I read 14 books in August! (Well, ok, I'm on track to finish the last two today.) It was a busy reading month for me due to tons of ARCs and new releases (8/14 of this list!), which resulted in an "all my library holds are ready at once ougsfshfh" situation. I also once again checked out a few books in order to see if they're worth reading in future years of @bellasbookclub.

My Lady Jane ★★★☆☆ - A very silly time that often reads more like upper-middle-grade than YA. A skip for TV show fans, but the tween furry community should be overjoyed.

The Wild Robot ★★★★★ - An adorable (and yet surprisingly death-y) kids' book that (🤞) should make a fantastic movie. The illustrations alone bump this one up a few stars.

Our Hideous Progeny ★★★★☆ - The last (?) of my BBC Summer Reading Challenge 2024 picks! Has a slow start but man, if you give me an undead abomination plesiosaur who is also a cute little guy, I am seated. Could have been a five star read if it were just a lil gayer and more Creature-forward!

The Hero and the Crown ★★★☆☆ - Read this one to screen it for @bellasbookclub, so I shan't say any details (yet.)

The Screwtape Letters ★★★☆☆ - Another BBC screening but nope nah I'm not gonna make us read The Christianity Book. Did not make me repent of my godless Jezebel ways even a little bit, but gets three stars because it's nevertheless a fascinating glimpse of C.S. Lewis as a person. Next time I'll stick to The Good Place though.

The Seventh Veil of Salome ★★★★1/2 - Speaking of godless Jezebels: Silvia Moreno-Garcia and I have the same biblical blorbo!! I haven't loved any of Moreno-Garcia's work since Mexican Gothic, but finally, this one was another slam dunk for me! As a Salome (1893) enjoyer and understander I'm so glad SMG is one of us. The main (Hollywood Golden Age) parts were also deftly rendered—this was the first truly well-executed Karen Villain I've encountered.

Our Shouts Echo ★★★★☆ - A really sweet and enjoyable contemporary YA coming-of-age + romance that somehow pulled off its nuanced optimism without being preachy or precious. Dare I say...actual hopepunk? An ARC from ALA Annual.

Villette ★★★☆☆ - Another book club screening. [Helga voice] I hated this book but I loved this book but I hated this book but I loved this book. Dammit, it's just so memeable. See you in hell 2025 probably

The Lies of Alma Blackwell ★★★1/2☆ - A decent YA ghost story with immaculate creepy, witchy, & haunted house vibes and some fun tropey romance (sure, why not?) Another ARC.

The Mercy of Gods ★★★★☆ - Ensemble-driven alien invasion story in which a team of wet babygirl science geeks must prove their worth to their new Giant Fucked Up Bug overlords and also one of them is a parasitic hivemind but we don't know which. Unsinkable concept but the writing makes it even better. One for the grown up Animorphs kids (Yes I know I rated it less than Wild Robot, but Wild Robot is a 5-star quality kids' book, while Mercy of Gods is an imperfect but riveting adult novel that I connected with on a more personal level.)

Mistress of Lies ★★★☆☆ - 2nd-to-last in my self-imposed (Review-) Bombed Books Week Challenge. A generous rounding up to three stars because I like the concept and it had a strong start before...plateauing for 200 pages. (Where were the titular LIES?) Very little actually happened and yet my laconic review is somehow "do less."

Lady Macbeth ★★★★☆ - More of an original story with some names in common than a retelling (Macbeth fans be forewarned. Y'all remember the dragon? You know, the dragon that's in Macbeth?) I tired of how repetitive the assault-as-motif became, but there were some very cool plot choices and Ava Reid's prose is gorgeous as ever. Kind of Green Knight vibes!

Go to Hell ★★★1/2☆ - Another ARC, this one a nonfiction travel guide to IRL destinations that are either associated with Hell/underworld mythology or just hellish places in general. Taught me a lot more folklore and history than your average travel guide!

Lucy Undying ★☆☆☆☆ - Hilarious of me to read two retellings in a row. Unlike Macbeth, I feel deep personal affection for Dracula, which meant this book wold have made me silver_linings_playbook.gif it out the window if I hadn't been reading on my phone. If I had never read Dracula, I miiiight have liked this? (jk I finished it and can now definitively say I would not have.) The prose was decent and I liked Lucy's modern-day love interest, Iris, but this author clearly graduated from the "lesbians must hate and deride all men all the time and be proven right in this view when every single man tries to harm them" school of writing sapphic characters, and since the book was basically encouraging me to paranoid-read, it set off both my "clumsy writing" and "...is this a t3rf?" alarms. tl;dr Mina and Jonathan and Van Helsing and Seward and Arthur and Quincey and Berserker the wolf and even Mr. Swales (slandering Mr. Swales?? Is nothing sacred??) deserved SO much better. Now I'll have to reread Dracula to cleanse myself

DNFs: None! Although Lucy Undying certainly tried my patience.

August superlatives

Next up:

September is another new release-filled month! I'm on track to finish my Bombed Books Week Challenge with The Empire Wars by Akana Phenix and then the unreleased Crown of Starlight itself, so I can satisfy my intellectual curiosity of how it compares to the books its author tried to sabotage. (Which attempted sabotage was an abhorrent action I 100% condemn. Toss aside those large rocks, I've been supporting the targeted authors at my local bookstore and library.)

In less dramatic goals, I've got an ARC of Ruin Road by Lamar Giles I'm eager to check out, and I can't wait for Long Live Evil to be ready at the library. We've also got our first official Bella's Book Club read of Season 3, which should be fun (hint: it's an Austen!)

previous months:

july

[avissapiens]

Jockbull Summer Final Week Set A (1/1/24-7/1/24)

Model Used is Tsonghan Wu

Here we are bros. I decided to end it early since I accidentally started the Jockbull summer in like the last month of Spring. So we’ll call this a season. 8 weeks and then onto the next. Additionally, interest largely seem’s to have waned and I wanna focus on giving some more stuff that’ll keep your attention rather than flooding your dashboards lol. These will be my last set of diary write ups. And then next week I'll have a retrospective detailing how things went and what I'm likely to keep

1.

I’ll be straight and real with yall. This was probably the worst week yet lol. Mentally i just wasn’t here. Lots of stress and strain. I do have a new workout structure, that includes AMRAP pushups near the end. Diamond push ups that really tire you out by the time you finish all your other training, but its not quite the same or for the same purpose. I tried to sort my time table so that Pushups were combined with the times i wanted to work on my PT cert early in the day. But that has yet to really work out.

2.

Keeping with the smite idea from previous weeks I managed to go on a 3 game win-streak. Total ez streak, possibly because my Elo was reset from not playing in such a long time. But dunking is still dunking and you still get the mental endorphin rush from winning. Only thing that broke the streak is that my Duos partner (yet another Muscle brained Gym bro that i’ve known for years) had to dip mid game. Tragic.

3.

Since this is the last week and its even I didn’t throw anything out. But I am going to have one final push to get some of the last chunks of shitty oversized clothing out of my life. Gonna make an attempt to throw out 4 more pieces of clothing and then the lot will be going to the charity/thrift shop.

4.

I’m good enough at this. I’ll use it more often. And I am 100% going to do that Bro voice file at some point in the future.

5.

There is an episode of Baki where the main character is lying in bed with his girlfriend horny as hell, and they are about to fuck when Baki’s father, Strongest man in the world Yujiro, appears out of the darkness to cheerlead them fucking. And more than cheerlead. This man encourages the most relentless rauchy unending stream of fucking bitches from his 18 year old son. Literally morning noon and night boning down. It sounded like a passage from Alpha breeder. Unbelievable. Why doesn’t this show have more fanart?

6.

A kind of gymbro failure story which makes me sound like a bit of a douche but i also don’t care.

I’m pretty regularly one of the bigger guys in the gym at any given time. Not always. And that’s not really a compliment to me and more of a dunk on the kind of establishment that my gym is. So this one dude has kinda latched onto me as his story for hope cause of all the weight i lost and how much i’ve grown. I think he’s convinced i’m going to give him the secret formula and not just tell him “Just keep training and eat properly.” He came up to me this week and asked if he could come and workout with me another day. Gave some spiel about needing someone to motivate him and keep him going. He’s another immigrant too. So I commiserate with that and I told him sure, even tho i don’t particularly like training push with other people. But then on the day he was supposed to come at the time we had set up he just…didn’t show. Which makes sense. I tried telling him, motivation should be internal. Consistency comes from discipline. But he didn’t want to hear it. And so the outcome made sense. I wasn’t super broken up about it, Just meant i got to train push on my own in peace and quiet.

[cheese-anon-real]

New Year's Cheese

2023 has been one wild ride of a year for me Writer content in the latter half of this, below the cut!! do be warned! So. In 2023 I went from Cheese the Anon Asker to Cheese-Anon-Real. I’ve formed what I like to consider my little family, with the Sparda Boys and my fellow anons! Gods below I am so grateful for all of you, you made the last like, 3-4 months of the year so much better. Got sent to Space Jail twice, broke out twice with help Found Kaz again!!! Already touched on the family, but just Met Dante, Nero, and Vergil, absolutely love them to bits(Please be alive over there, Vergil, and not split in 2. Urizen’s cool and all but good god I wanted to shadow your devil hunting so bad when I got free) and Griffon I miss you come back you dumbass ball of feathers where’d you GO- Azuree may not be an anon but gods below, do I love them!! They’re such a sweetie like wth Joker, Fresa, Queen and her daughter Kaylee, and Candy have won my hearts, as my funny little family. You’re all being adopted by me now, face your future hell with me. UwU or smth idfk Am I an UwU-ass bitch or an OwO-ass bitch? Partner says it depends lolol. On what? Who knows. I love them so much too, they’re my world. I’ve had a lot of fun meeting you all, and I hope to hell and back that we keep up these silly little interactions over the next year. I know it hasn’t been perfect, but here’s to a good ‘24 for us all! Thank you for literally existing. I hope the other anons join the official family soon. Happy New Year, @pizzalover8969, @thebestsonofsparda, @thebluerose, @the-thunder-chicken, @azureedoodles, @anonjoker, @bizcochodefresa, @anonymousqueenofrandom, @princessanonofrandom, @therealcandyanon, and finally, @reece-piece-puff

sorry if the @'s is a bad move or I like, piss some of you off with it ;;

Love, Cheese(Roseanna)

P.S. I promise I'll get on writing my lore soon, I just haven't had much time :')

Reminder; Writer Content is Below The Cut. Beware!!!

2023 was even wilder for me than it was for Cheese lmfao.

I finally got into DMC this year, after being drawn in by Gura and the OST in summer of ‘21. On a family vacation, at that! Finally played 5, beat it, beat it again as Vergil. Played 3, beat it with some help from my partner. Started a Vergil run of 3, and started 1, never finished either, because life kinda got crazy Started playing C.O.D??? Somehow?? Never thought I’d play a C.O.D. game but here I am and I like the campaign for the MW2 remake, I suck ass at it but that’s a me problem lmao Got into therapy, finally, actually working on my problems now and really happy about it Went through several Vtuber avatar designs, finally settled on one I like and I’m almost done with it!!! Just gotta struggle through the hair, hand toggles, and the face! Wow!! Went through endless self-discovery, thought I might be trans(I am in fact not trans, I am Fluid! As far as I know. Still working on that. And other things, but one step at a time!! FINALLY reunited with my two best friends. In person. In another state. One of em, I've known since we were 11 and they moved away when we were 13. I had never hung out with them outside of school, and they introduced me to my other best friend, who came up to my state to meet me in late spring of ‘21, hadn’t seen them since. That friend actually paid for the trip themself, because I went through a god-awful breakdown for a solid 2 weeks and tried to. Isolate myself from everyone I love. But thankfully they talked me out of it and got me back into the group, got me going again when I was at probably my second lowest point since I was a preteen. Got oddly close with another friend while I was there, met the majority of my friend group, and now that friend I got close with is EASILY my third best friend! Not third-best, they are also a best friend and I love them so much?? We hyperfixate on like, all the same things. Dragged them into loving Ghost(band) and they’re dragging me into Scott Pilgrim! Woohoo, here we go! Left my friend group like a month ago because one of them is uh. Not. the best? But only sometimes. They don’t have bad intentions and they’re not outright toxic I don’t think, but I uh. Got kinda sick of their sense of humor. Not always funny, kinda mean to a certain other member. Not always though. But like we can work on it when I go back its fiiiiiiine! Learned communication to a degree, holy shit I hate talking about my problems, oh my god please I don’t need help I’m just a burden anyway(I’m working on it, don’t come at me with support I’ll get there with my family and friends eventually. Not attention-seeking here, I’m building my support group as I go.) Had 13 house emergencies!!!! Will list them! Woo! 1 - water heater leak 2 - gas leak 3 - roof leak again(we had a roof leak in ‘22) 4 - house flood 2 electric boogaloo(house flooded like a week after my partner moved in, in ‘22, before I arrived) 5 - flood 3 6 - roof leak 3 7 - roof leak 4 8 - heater died 9 - bathroom door handle fell off the door for literally no reason 10 - house flood 4 11 - roof leak 5 12 - house flood 5 House Flood 5 caused us to get renovations in the organized housing, and after that, they just straight up moved us to a new house. We had 8 fffffffucking days to get the hell out of our house and into the new one. Like, they actually put the time constraint on us. So funny of them! AND THEN THE NEW ONE DIDN’T HAVE SHUT-OFF VALVES FOR EITHER OF THE HOSE SPIGOTS AND WE HAD TO GET THAT HANDLED BUT THEY DIDN’T HANDLE IT. HELP. BROTHER WE ARE TRYING TO FOLLOW THE RULES. WHY ARE YOU FORBIDDING US. so. 13 - no shut off-valves(technically an ‘emergency’ bc the pipes could freeze and then burst) Got summoned for Jury Duty in my parents’ state! IN THE TIME WHERE WE WEREN’T CERTAIN WHEN THE CONTRACTORS WERE COMING. OR IF WE WOULD BE IN THE SAME HOUSE NEXT WEEK. JESUS CHRIST. But, did also get to go on another family vacation. We got to watch the Perseids! I saw a possum there. Literally loved that so much.

Also got SUUUUPER into Ghost(band) in the last like 3 weeks and I'm head over heels for 99% of their songs that I've listened to?? Hell yeah.

It’s been an intense year of ups and downs, but I’m really determined to turn my life around for the better, now. I’m gonna put my all into actually improving my health, both physical and mental/emotional. I didn’t want that to be like, a new year resolution, it just kinda lined up with the new year.

[camaro-and-smokes]

Little Bird Starts Nesting

Chapter 1: Little Bird

3rd and final work in The Way It Should've Been -series

Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen, M/M Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove & Original Character(s), Steve Harrington & Original Character(s) Characters: Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Original Character(s) Additional Tags: Harringrove, Alternate Universe - No Supernatural, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Domestic Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Family Issues, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Unplanned Pregnancy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: Billy and Steve find out that their eldest daughter Emma, at the age of eighteen, was coming of age in a way they never expected. They do their best to help her make a big decision about her future.

Notes: It took me ages, but here's finally the third and final part to this series! I'll be updating probably only once or twice a month because I'm working on so many different fics right now. Best to subscribe to this on AO3 if you want to know when a new chapter is up :) I'll be adding tags whenever chapters require it. FYI: You need to be up to date on the previous works in this series to get the best of it, so, off you go if you haven't read them yet

Read the whole series on AO3 >>

::::::::::

“Dada?” Billy raised his gaze from the book he’d been reading. He saw Emma, the almost nineteen-year-old long-haired beauty who’s dada Billy was proud to call himself, standing at the bedroom doorway. “Yeah?” Emma was fidgeting with her hands, her chin quivering. Billy took off his reading glasses and put them away with the book altogether. “What is it, birdie?” he asked, concerned. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

Billy knew from experience that when your kid asks you to not be mad, it’s usually something you sure as hell might get mad for. A broken window in the neighbor’s minivan (courtesy of a new baseball bat and ball and 10-year-old boy who ‘just wanted to practice’). Or a defrosted freezer in the summer, thanks to a teenager left home alone for a few days (because apparently it was a good idea to pull the plug from the freezer ‘just for a few hours’ to video chat with a friend in the kitchen uninterrupted). Or bite marks in the arm of a kindergarten teacher (yeah, 5-year-old Annie reminded Billy then, once again, that she indeed was his flesh and blood. In her defense, even though Billy didn’t fully approve Annie’s approach, he thought that 'the teacher was stupid' too).

He sat up and patted the mattress next to him. “Ok, come here. What’s up?” Emma sat next to Billy, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, hugging her sideways. “You know you can always talk to me. No matter what.” Emma grimaced. “I messed up,” she sniffled. “Okay. But that’s kinda broad, birdie. You’re gonna have to fill me in a bit more.” “Please, don’t tell dad. He’ll kill me.”

It had turned out that Steve was the more strict parent of them too. All three of their kids had wrapped Billy around their fingers and he could hardly deny anything from them. So, having Emma come to him first when in trouble instead of Steve was no surprise.

“Hey, no one is going to kill anyone. But I hope it’s nothing I should keep from him, you know.” Emma looked down at her hands, and then at Billy with pained eyes. “I missed my period,” she whispered.

Billy had heard those words in the ancient past once or twice from a girl. The kind who were trying to get a leverage on him after it had turned out that his interest in them was more of a facade than anything else. Hearing the words from his own daughter, though, made an icy coldness grow inside him. “How many days?” “Three weeks.” Billy was speechless - or rather, chose not to say what came to his mind.

‘What the fuck’, ‘How in the hell’, ‘You knew what could happen if you weren’t careful’ and ‘I’m going to kill that son of a bitch’ all visited the tip of his tongue, ready to fly out of his mouth.

But he also knew that none of those would make the situation any better, so he reeled each one back in and down his throat. “Three weeks? Why didn’t you talk to me earlier?” “I didn’t know if I was just late or late. And I still don’t! I’m sorry, dada!” Emma cried. Billy hugged her tighter when she started sobbing. “Emma. So, you don’t know if you actually are just late or...the other thing?” She shook her head. “But I was really sick in the morning yesterday and today.” Billy took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “Does Ryan know?” Emma shook her head.

“Ok, birdie, this is what’s going to happen. First, we’re going to get you a test and see what it says. Then we’re going to think this further. Okay?” Emma nodded. “Are you mad at me?” she asked between hiccups. “No, I’m not. But I would’ve appreciated if you’d come to me sooner.” He paused. “Uh, do you have any idea when...you know, when the accident might’ve happened?” Emma looked away. “Emma? Was there a time when the condom maybe broke?” She still said nothing and wouldn’t look at Billy. Billy had to take a few deep breaths to steady his temper. He still couldn’t keep all the edge out of his tone. “So you’re on the pill and it didn’t work, or you forgot to take it?”

When she still said nothing, Billy had to get up and walk by the window to keep himself from shouting at the girl. “Fuck. I knew we should’ve gotten it for you earlier,” he mumbled to himself. He turned to look back at her. “So, you had unprotected sex with Ryan, just like that? No protection at all? Not even a condom?” “He said he didn’t like using one and then we used this calculation method and...” Billy’s eyes grew large. “Birdie, that’s not a method a young girl like you should use!” he growled. “You’ve known him only for a few months. Who knows where he has put his dick in before...”

The moment the last words fell out of his mouth, Billy knew he’d gone too far.

Emma wailed as she ran out of the room, slamming the door of her own room closed behind her. Billy grimaced and took a deep breath. He ran his fingers through his hair, looking at the window. “Well, fuck.”

As Billy was trying to process the news, a boy’s voice sounded from the door: “Are you mad, dada?” Billy turned to look at the 10-year-old dark-haired boy, Junior, who’s big brown eyes always melted his heart, just like his dad’s eyes. Because he was Steve’s son. “No, Jr, I’m not. I just don’t know what to think.” The boy walked into the room and sat on the bed, tapping the mattress just like Billy had done. “We should talk about it.” Despite the severity of the matter at hand, Billy couldn’t help smiling. The kid was exactly like his dad. He walked back to the bed and sat down next to Jr., wrapping his arm around the boy. “Why did you shout at Emma?” the boy asked. “Well, Emma did something that I wasn’t happy about and I lost my temper.” Jr. looked at Billy, his eyes wide. “What happened?” “It’s an adult thing. But you don’t have to worry about it. I will talk with you and Annie about it when we’ve sorted it out a bit more with Emma and dad. Alright?” Jr. nodded. “Can you help me with my homework?” he asked, already moving on from the issue, trusting that his dads would keep him on the loop if necessary. Billy hugged the boy. “I have to stop by the mini-mart. But I’ll help you when I come back, okay? Just do the ones you can yourself and let’s look at the tough ones together.” “Okay.”

Billy changed his sweats into jeans and walked to Emma’s door. He knocked on it. “Hey, birdie?” No reply. “I’m going to the mini-mart to get the test. I won’t be gone for long and dad’s coming home soon, but could you please look after Annie and Jr. while I’m gone?” No answer. “Hey, Emma?” When there still was no reply, Billy leaned his head on the door frame. “I’m sorry that I shouted at you. I’m not angry, just really, really worried. Please, look after our siblings just for fifteen minutes. I’ll be right back.” “Okay,” Emma replied quietly. Billy sighed, relieved. “Thank you, birdie.”

He walked out and sat in his Camaro, turning the key in the ignition. The car barked to life. He placed his hands on top of the wheel and stared at the glorious view of the sea that was turning dark earlier than it had just a few weeks ago, thanks to autumn.

He bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood. His little girl, the one he’d held in his arms less than a day old in the incubator, was possibly having a baby of her own. The prospect horrified him. It was 2015, and it wasn’t like teenagers didn’t get pregnant all the time. And he was fully aware how they got Emma in the first place - but if it was Emma... He didn’t want that for her. To have a baby just when she was supposed to have the world open in front of her. To halt school and postpone going into college... She shouldn’t have to settle down with a family first thing... Not yet, at least.

And the worst was that he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to help his baby and he felt so useless that before he even noticed he was already hyperventilating with a full-on panic attack. He scrambled for one of the paper bags he had stacked in the glove box just in case. He hadn’t had a panic attack in a very long time, thanks to his medication, but the news was so overwhelming that probably no amount of medication would’ve been enough to keep him from having one.

When the attack finally passed and his breathing settled, he made it to the mini-mart.

He walked through the aisles towards the personal hygiene section, fidgeting with the nicotine spray he had in his pocket. As he passed other customers, he felt like every one of them was staring at him, judging him for not doing a better job as a father.

The last time he’d felt this nervous while approaching the hygiene section was when he’d had to buy first period pads for Emma. Then, too, he hadn’t known what he was supposed to be doing, and he’d just bought a pack of everything the mart had. Emma hadn’t needed new ones for months. Jesus. That was just a few years ago, he thought to himself. And he knew that at any moment now he’d have to buy pads for Annie too.

What the hell happened to the time suddenly? Everything used to feel like it lasted for forever. Summer nights at the quarry, stolen moments with Steve in the janitor’s closet, school year...

And now time was just running past them and he and Steve were just trying desperately to keep up.

Bill stood in front of the shelf that held the tests. Three different brands. He was a father of three, but not once had he been in this situation. He’d been in the ultrasound examination to find out if Sharon, the surrogate mother who they had Annie and Jr. with, was pregnant. But having to do a pregnancy test at his house... He let out a deep sigh and took one of each brand. Might as well go overboard than not be sure.

When he returned home, Steve’s BMW was in the driveway. “Shit,” he groaned. He put the tests into one of the paper bags he still had out on the passenger seat.

“Hey, firecracker,” Steve said from the couch when Billy walked in. Billy smiled a forced smile. “Hey, babe.”

The years had begun to show on Steve’s face and in the beard he’d began sporting a few years back, making him a snackable silver fox. But his dark eyes were just as they’d always been: deep dark ponds Billy could drown himself in. Billy shook the paper bag in his hand and went straight to the stairs. “Had to get something for Emma. I’ll come down soon.”

Billy sat on Emma’s bed with her and took the tests from the bag. “There were three brands, so I took one of each. Two ones are normal and then this one,” he took one of the boxes in his hand, “is digital. It’s supposed to be the most accurate. They all work with the same idea: you just pee on the strip on the other end.” Emma took one in her trembling hand. Billy set his hand on hers and brushed the hand gently with his thumb, soothing her. Just like Steve did whenever he wanted to soothe him. “Hey, Emma. It’s okay. We’re sorting this out. Let’s read the manuals and then you go to the bathroom.” “Don’t tell dad,” the girl begged again, looking up at Billy. He hugged her. “My little bird,” he said, and let out a deep breath. “We’ll tell him together if there’s something to tell.”

When Emma left for the bathroom, Billy went back downstairs and sat next to Steve on the couch. “Kids.” Steve pecked his cheek and wrapped his arm around him, pulling him into a hug. “Missed you.” Billy would’ve loved to be happy about Steve being home, but he was too worried about Emma. “Missed you, too,” he replied shortly. ”What’s up?” Steve asked. ”Something.” Steve looked at Billy. “Something serious?” ”You could say that.” ”Okay, now I’m worried too.” ”I’ll tell you when I know more. Okay? I promised her.” ”Emma?” Billy grimaced and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. He closed his eyes and nodded. ”Hey,” Steve said and rubbed Billy’s arm with his hand. “You’re sorting it out with her?” Billy opened his eyes and looked at Steve. “Yeah.” “Okay. Tell me when you know more,” Steve said, and hugged Billy tighter.

They cuddled on the couch for a while until Emma called Billy from the stairs. “Yeah, coming,” Billy said, getting up. Emma was sitting on her bed when Billy walked in and closed the door behind him. “So?” he asked. Emma’s face was all white and big, fat tears fell on her cheeks as she looked at Billy. Billy’s stomach dropped. “Show me.”

Emma handed the tests to Billy. The normal ones showed two red stripes, a sign of pregnancy, and the digital one said 'you’re positive'. Billy knew it meant exactly that, that the test was positive, but right now he really didn’t feel too positive himself. He sat next to Emma and buried his face in his hands, leaning his elbows on his thighs. “What am I going to do, dada?” Emma asked, sniffling. “Birdie, I wish I knew.” Billy took a deep breath and looked at her. When she started crying, Billy took her in a tight bear hug. “We’re going to figure it out, Emma. Don’t worry,” he assured her, even though he sure as hell didn’t feel confident at all.

[born-to-lose]

Hello again from your secret Santa! I think from now I’ll probably just sign off my asks with 🎁🎄 so you know it’s me!

Let’s start off with your faves! What are your favorite bands, songs, albums, anything! And feel free to tell me why, or how you got into them, all the stuff!

- 🎁🎄

Hiiii! My favorite bands change all the time, but it's really only the order that changes. Right now my top 5 are The Who¹, Cheap Trick², Hanoi Rocks³, Meat Loaf⁴ and Tom Petty⁵

I have so many favorite songs, I can't choose 😭 But I'll say You Can't Put Your Arms Around a Memory by Johnny Thunders⁶, Bad Attitude by Meat Loaf⁷, Nonstop City by Shameless⁸, After the Fire by Roger Daltrey⁹, You Might Think by The Cars¹⁰, Southern Girls by Cheap Trick¹¹, Cheyenne by Hanoi Rocks¹², Fallen Angel by Poison¹³, Someday (You'll Come Running) by FM¹⁴, A Quick One While He's Away by The Who¹⁵

For albums it's Cheap Trick's At Budokan¹⁶, Appetite for Destruction by Guns N' Roses¹⁷, Bella Donna by Stevie Nicks¹⁸, So Alone by Johnny Thunders¹⁹, Bat Out of Hell by Meat Loaf²⁰

Below are the annotations to keep it somewhat tidy

¹ I started listening to The Who sporadically when I got into Queen in 2018 and played Won't Get Fooled Again on Guitar Hero, bought two albums on CD, but I only got into them properly through a mutual who I first bonded over Cheap Trick with

² When I first watched 10 Things I Hate About You at the beginning of this year and they played I Want You To Want Me during the credits, I looked up who did the original again and listened to more of their music only to realize I knew a whole bunch of their songs before

³ 2020 was my music glow up year and shortly after Guns N' Roses I got into Hanoi Rocks and I recently found some of their records so they moved up on the list again

⁴ My mom has so many Meat Loaf CDs and we always listened to them in the car when I was a kid and he's always been one of my favorites, I got so sad when I was at school and found out he died

⁵ I got into Tom Petty through Stop Draggin' My Heart Around when I had my Stevie Nicks phase in 2019 and he literally made music for every feeling, his songs are pure vibes and the ones I drive to the best

⁶ I first listened to Duff McKagan's cover in 2020 but the original is so important to me, it's one of my favorite comfort songs, I love playing it on the guitar and it's the only concrete tattoo idea I have

⁷ High energy banger I've been obsessed with for like 15 years and even more now that I know it features Roger Daltrey (little me just vibed with it and didn't bother checking)

⁸ I hadn't heard of Shameless until this spring when my local rock club announced they're playing with Tuff's Stevie Rachelle and Cherie Currie, but they're so good and I love that they opened their set with this song! I also met two of them and Stevie as well

⁹ I heard this song so often on the radio as a kid but never knew who sang it and didn't remember any of the lyrics, so I was really happy when I coincidentally found it in my Spotify recommendations last week

¹⁰ My mom has Heartbeat City on CD and this song, Drive and Looking for Love were the ones we listened to the most when I was little, they played it on the radio recently and I bought the album on vinyl

¹¹ It's such a fun song that makes me want to dance and reminds me of summer, probably my favorite on In Color

¹² This was me and my best friend's/situationship of the year 2021 song and I still get excited when I listen to it, I miss them since they disappeared from Tumblr

¹³ It's kind of a me song and it's one of my favorites to request at the bar because it gets me going every time

¹⁴ Another one I only started listening to this spring before going to their concert, at the time this was the one I got stuck on because it fit my situation (I sang along so loudly when they played it lol) but as I listened to more of their music, I recognized a couple of songs I knew previously

¹⁵ A fun silly 9 minute epic song from the 60s with different parts like I love it

¹⁶ Possibly the most iconic rock live album, they're one of the best examples of a band who sounds better live than in the studio, I'm so proud I got my hands on a 1979 European misprint vinyl for €12

¹⁷ An absolute no-skip album, I bought it in summer 2020, which started my glam/sleaze spiral that's introduced me to the most niche bands of the genre

¹⁸ I was really into Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks in 2019 and when I bought this record, I immediately loved every song

¹⁹ As mentioned above, Johnny Thunders is so important to me as well as this album, I was on the hunt for the vinyl for over 3 years until I found a reissue in May

²⁰ One of the Meat Loaf CDs my mom listened to the most with me and every song on it goes so hard, there's a reason people list it as one of the best albums

[write-feel-live-love]

Sunday Check In #2: Good Gods....

Look, don't come for me, but I had a rough week.

Not in like the grand scheme of life way, but the day to day minutiae (did I spell that right?) of being a stay at home mom for the summer.

Who the fuck voluntarily does this every day for their entire life. I have two beautiful children under the age of 5 who I love with every cell in my body, but I swear to the gods I was about 5 seconds from locking them in their rooms (where they were safe) and chugging the closest source of alcohol I could find. I may or may not have plopped my younger child in their crib (again, SO THEY WERE SAFE) and walked away to strip the beds upstairs while he screamed like I'd just chopped his arm off. I felt horrible. I'm scared for this coming week because I'm scared I'll just repeat the pattern. This isn't the summer experience I want my kids to have. I teach from August to May. From August to May, my children have to share me with kids they will probably never meet and who ALSO require way more of my attention than I have available. Summer is supposed to be about my children. And their mom is turning into a crazy short tempered monster.

Maybe it's a sign I'm ready to go back to work. Maybe my son should stop screaming all day just because he isn't getting his way. I'm not sure.

*deep breath* So what, now what? I'm going to keep my Loop earplugs in all week and see if that helps. I honestly think my son's teeth coming in, fast growing brain, and inherent desire to scream as a tiny human is what's overstimulating me and making me insane. Also, his intense need to apparently be on me or playing with me 24/7. I'm going to miss that some day. That day is not right now.

I will say, this last week made me realize just how much I love my husband. He works from home some days during the week. He knew I had the week from hell and would give me 15-30 minute breaks once he was off the clock to go relax, but Friday made me fall in love with him all over again. He took off work early (half for a migraine, not just this) and took BOTH kids on a walk. I had the house to myself for a good hour. Maybe more. I can't remember it was so blissful. Maybe that was the point of last week. Giving me a chance to fall in love with my husband again after we've had a few hiccups this month.

It was a rough week, Void. I won't lie. But this is a new week. I'm resetting. This weekend was amazing (bless my husband for letting me sleep in on weekends), and I'm ready to take on this week.... I think.

NO! I'm ready to take on this week!

Wish me luck! I'll see you on Wednesday.

Goodnight Void.

[oldarticles]

The Lost Art of the First Date

by Jake Hurwitz

One big difference you might notice the first few weeks of college is that the dating scene practically disappears. This may seem cool at first, but random drunken hookups never happen quite as often as you want them to, and more often than not they happen with the overweight friend of the girl you really want. I don't know about anyone else but I don't like having my first dates at a frat house with all the brothers trying to hit on the same girl I'm after. And I don't like that holding some hammered girl's hair back as she pukes in some bushes by her dorm is the new way to be "romantic." If you ask me, I think what every college girl needs is a good old fashioned first date. And if you've already forgotten how those work, then you're in luck. In my experience I've learned that a good first date basically comes down to about 4 components, maybe 5 if you get the first 4 right *wink*. So, without further ado, let me present to you "Jake's Foolproof Plan for a Sweet First Date"

1. Dinner: You're probably thinking you should take her out for a nice fancy Italian dish. WRONG! That's a total rookie mistake, girls love cheeseburgers, they all do. If she tells you she's a vegetarian just say you got her a veggie burger, then later reveal the awesome truth. She'll probably think it's hilarious. When its your turn to order kindly ask the waiter what the most expensive thing on the menu is, once he answers say, "That sounds good, I'll have two." At the end of dinner I tend to think the girls like you to tell them how expensive the meal was, just so they know you're packing some serious cash. Also, sneak in just how large a tip you're leaving. Girls like a generous guy.

2. Movie: Let's go with something artsy. A foreign film even, the kind with the English subtitles on the bottom. Before the previews start I like to engage in conversation by telling her about my SAT scores, padded ever so slightly, and informing her of how many Polo shirts I own. If by some stroke of bad luck she says that her SATs are higher than yours simply change the number. i.e. "Did I say 1350? I meant 1500." This will undoubtedly evoke some skepticism from your date, but don't worry, just vehemently swear to God that you meant to say 1500 and she'll leave it alone.

3. Dessert: How about ice cream? Use this time to gab about the movie a little, what you liked and didn't like. I usually like to talk about how the leading actress was "sooo hot", or compare myself to the main male actor, only I suggest that I'm probably better looking and I should have, in fact, been cast for the part rather than him. Not that I have a lot of acting experience, or any at all, but I just think I'd be a sweet actor.

4. Leisurely Stroll: The last leg of your date will require a quaint yet romantic stroll through town or around campus. During this walk I like to display my aerobic ability by doing a few cartwheels, I then engage my date to try a few as well, of course I make sure to tell her that mine are better and that she looks like a drunk monkey. If conversation begins to lag, just ask her, "Where do you summer?" You can space out now until she returns the question, now you say, "Wherever the hell I want." Yeah, that sounded awesome.

Finally, walk your date to the front door of her dorm while telling her what a great time she must have had, once there you may get that mesmerizing first kiss", but if, instead, you get the veer off at the last second kiss on the cheek, the double armed hug, or God forbid, the high five, always play it cool. And take it from someone who has gotten more than a few lines like, "I'll call you sometime!" as they hastily vanish though the doorway, somehow forgetting to take down my number. The double-armed hug, hell, even a one-armed hug, is a great start for a first date. So next time you're standing outside some hot girl's dorm, basking in the glow of your dating triumph, don't forget who got you there: me. You're welcome

[miraculous-trinity-leo]

Whacky Gotham, Goofy New York, and Chaotic Paris

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

Chapter 3: Kindred Spirits Always Find A Way To Assemble

•—–—–†–—–—•

Time: 5:30am

location: Louvre

Ladybug, Abeille, Bunnyx, Trickster, and Chat Noir are fighting an akuma, not anything major, just Mr. Pigeon and his pigeons trying to melt the Louvre with deadly acidic bird dropings, so yeah, nothing major. Just another early bird gets the akuma kinda day...

"Looks like the early bird is trying to melt the Louvre, what say you M'lady, shall we make this swift and- *Loud sneeze* Let me now *sneeze* when I'm *sneeze* needed" - Chat Noir

"For to long our kind has been oppressed, they feed us miserable seeds, when we beg for bread, we shall show them no mercy, as our justice shall be swift!" picks up two pigeons, holds them by their legs and aims the rear cannons "Surrender your Miraculous and your justice shall be swift and painless!!" with an evil villain laugh at the end bla bla bla.

" Anyone else getting Pigeon (French) Revolution vibes? No? just me? Cause I swear he said seeds instead of cake."

"Not the time Bunnyx." - Abeille

"Oh it so Is The Time." - Bunnyx

"Off with Mr. Pigeon Antoinette's Akumatized object!" - Chat Noir from a distance.

"Viva La Revolution!!!" - Trickster

"Dear Kwami, how did it come to a frickin Pigeon Revolution?!" - Ladybug

As the last line is said, Mr. Pigeon fires the -ehem- cannons at the heroes, only for them to be an illusion. In the confusion Bunnyx pops out of her burrow and wacks Mr. Pigeon on the head, effectively knocking him out.

"The Pigeon Revolution is over, we have taken back our home, and shall continue to defend it from the creepy Man of MOTH!!!!" - Bunnyx

and with that Bunnyx brakes the Akumatized object, and Ladybug purifies the akuma.

"Ok, I will admit that last speach was funny, now lets hurry back before hells bells go off." - Ladybug

•~—~—~—~—~—~—~•

" Bla bla bla, nothing important, bla bla bla bla, yada yada yada bla yada." - Mrs. Bustier

"'Viva La Revolution', that was perfect." - Whispering Alix

"It just came to me, but Chats 'Off with Mr. Pigeon Antoinette's Akumatized object' line and your 'Man of Moth' speech were really well timed !" -whispering Peter

"well of course, I'm always punctual with any time sensitive joke/pun." -whispering Alix

"Will you to zip it! we can't have these simpletons finding anything out!" -whispering Chloé

"Please, they all share a broken defective regect of a brain cell, I doubt they could ever put two and two together." -whispering Alix

"Hey, do you think we should start a protest in our classroom?" -whispering Peter

"... Viva.La.Revolution!" - whispering Chloé with a mischievous grin

"No." - Maria

•~—~—~—~ Later when Mrs. Bustier is out of class ~—~—~—~•

"I just don't know what to do." - Lie-la

" You think she finally realized how horrible that hair style is?" - Alix

"After visiting Gotham a few months ago I met Damian Wayne, you might've heard about him, he's just so amazing, kind-hearted, and brave. We had a wonderful time, but then he asked me out! And I don't want to hurt Parkers feelings, I care for both of them!" - Lie-la

"Man, she must be extremely full of it to keep pulling that sh-t out of her @ss every hour or so." - Alix

"Wow Peter, didn't know your cared for Ms. Rossi like that" - Chloé said in a sarcastic tone.

" I'd rather strap her to a supersonic rocket heading for a black hole, and I'm pretty sure this Damian Wayne would do the same... he probably has the money for it actually." - Peter

" Enough plotting, we still need to get enough money, if we want that summer trip, we've already crossed off: Baking sales, becoming a mime, jobs are out unless they're fine with you leaving right after joining, and we can't just ask for donations." - Maria

" I can use my MDC mon-" - Maria

"Oh hell no you won't! You worked your butt off to get that money, you said it yourself! That money is for when you apply to college! I refuse to let you waste your money on our ignoramus classmates!" - Chloé

Thankfully by now everyone was out of the classroom.

" Oh Kwami she's serious, she never uses her big words!" - Adrien

" Then what do you suggest Chloé?" - Maria

" I'll ask daddy to pay!" - Chloé

" I can also ask my father, he'll probably do it if Mr. Bourgeois puts in a donation." - Adrien

" But- " - Maria

" No! The decision is final all in agreement say aye!" - Chloé

"Aye!" - Everyone

"You've watched to many movies Chloé, fine, but please don't drastically overdo it." - Maria

" When have I ever drastically overdone something? Name one time." - Chloé

"Well, there was the time you over did it, by not sleeping for almost three weeks." - Maria

" and after that you got so fed up with one akuma that you kicked him with the force of a thousand suns down unda, you may have scared him for life after that honestly. " - Adrien

" Oh! or the time you went overboard with Peters B-day, and the cake landed on his face! - Alix

"Well in her defense, the cake was great, but it was kinda a mouthful." -Peter

"... I said name one time. (ー_ー)" - Chloé

•~—~—~—~—~—~—~•

Sooo, after all that happened Mr. Bourgeois, Fallowed by Gabriel Agreste, gave a very generous donation, so that solves that problem.And since I'm sure you don't want to see (More Lies) boring stuff, lets skip to two days before the trip begins.

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜time skip " You're welcome, I'm here all eternity." - Bunnyx〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

•—–· At Chloés Hotel ·–—•

"Ok are we sure we have everything?" - Maria

" Yes now can we please watch something already, we've triple, and even quadruple checked everything, we're good." - Alix

" I have to go out and inform Tempête and Vipère, before anything else, be back soon." - Maria then heads out calling upon the other heroes.

" So what do you need?" - Vipère

" Do you have a top secret mission for us?" - Tempête

" For the summer Abeille, Bunnyx, Trickster, and Chat Noir will be unavailable, unless they are truly needed, I however will be able to travel back and forth via portals for fights. Paris will be in your care while we aren't here." - Ladybug

"It is our honor, we shall defend Paris with our lives." - Tempête

" Agreed, enjoy your summer." - Vipère

"Thank you, stay safe."  and with that Maria headed back to the hotel prepared to watch movies, only to be bombarded with questions as soon as she got back.

" HOLD UP! You know MAGIC?!" - Alix

" When were you going to tell us?!" - Chloé

"So cool, how does it work?" - Peter

" Can you teach us?!" - Adrien

" Spots-Off, yes I know magic, I swear I've told you before. Do you want a demonstration?" - Maria

They all shook their heads excitedly.

" Ok well, I'm able to Heal myself if I get hurt, but I don't wish to hurt myself just for that, I can also increase my Luck with magic, as well as Communicate/ Manipulate plants, and see peoples Souls, thanks to Tikki. I learned Protection magic thanks to Wayzz, and Illusion magic thank  to Trixx. I'm also learning Teleportation from Kaalki, which I've almost completed, and Mutitude from Mullo, which still needs work." - Maria

" If you can really talk to plants, what did we do earlier while you where out, hmmmmm?" - Alix

Maria then walks over to the roses near the couch and whispers to them, after a moment she turns back to her friends, and calmly says "Traitors."

" What do you mean?" - Peter

" You continued watching Star Wars: Clone Wars Without me!" - Maria

" Ok we believe you, but does this mean we can also use magic?" - Adrien

"Hmmm, let me see" as she says this her eyes start to glow an almost ethereal icy blue.

" Why are you eyes glowing?" - Chloé

"Looking at you souls... ok" she then claps her hands and her eyes go back to normal "Adrien, you can use slight Destruction magic on objects, if you use it on a person it would just cause them extreme pain, you can also cast Bad Luck on someone, so I guess thats good, and you can also learn slight Jubilation magic. Peter you can learn Illusion, and Protection magic. Chloé you can Learn Subjection, and Multiplication magic. And Alix, you can learn Evolution, Intuition, and Teleportation magic." As Maria finished, she saw the star struck looks in their eyes at the thought of learning magic became obtainable for them.

"Teach us!" they all bowed only to get a laugh from Maria in response.

"You would have to ask the Kwamis that, I only know what I know thanks to them." - Maria

And for most of the night they all started practicing magic. And when they woke up, they continued to practice, they had fun and were really enjoying it.

Then came the day Maria and her friends were to head for Gotham, and it was hectic, but everyone made it in one piece after an 8 hour flight, which at this point Maria was glad she sent all of her important luggage ahead of time, because somehow her luggage with only her toiletries and pyjamas was stolen, so all she had now was her back pack on her and the Miracle box in a Pocket dimension (thanks to the training from Fluff and Kaalki)

Lila was annoyed, when Maria didn't even care that she lost her bag with all her stuff (jokes on you she sent that one to the hotel 2 days ago HA!) they ended up checking into the hotel, everyone was with someone, Peter was with Adrien, Chloé was with Alix, and Maria... just had the Kwamis, yup that's right, apparently Lila has a condition that prevents her from being in any room below a quality vip room, so now she was upgrade and without a roommate, good for Lila, and Lucky for Maira, because now she doesn't have to worry about someone noticing her climbing out the window to go free-running across rooftops as Multimouce.

Around 7:30 pm. everyone heads out for lunch... and they leave Maria behind.

"Of course this happens." and with that she asked the receptionist for the directions to where her class went, afterwards she went out and proceeded to get lost, after trying to retrace her steps, she just got lost quicker, and her phone was at 20% what luck.

After walking for a little bit, she had decided to take a break, and as she leaned up against a wall, she closed her eyes.

'Maybe if I search for the receptionists Soul I can find my way back.' as she was doing this, she saw souls of all colors walking by, she even noticed a dark emerald green soul, and a dark blue soul across the street on a rooftop... and then she felt her hair stand on end, a few feet to her right was a bloody rust looking soul, she could tell it was a male, late 20s, average build, and 5'11, he was targeting her. As she opened her eyes  she did a quick scan of her seroundings, noticing an alley, she started to walk again. Sensing the slight increase in speed from the man now behind her, as he got closer, she made a sharp left into the alley, she made it a few feet in before the man started laughing and walking closer, she saw the disgusting look in his eyes, and the outline of a gun in his front left pocket.

"Come on now girlie,  I just wanna talk."

" I am good thankz." she made sure to add an accent to make him feel like he had an upper hand, which seemed to work, if his sickening smile was anything to go off of.

He stepped closer and Maria (the little genius she was) decided to act nervous, which only lowered the guys gaurd even more, once he reached to grab her in a quick motion she proceeded to do this.

She held the guy in a lock until he fell unconscious. As she stood up, she noticed a hand reaching for her, she then grabbed the hand and flipped the figure over her shoulder hard, hearing a yelp from the man as she did so.

When she realized who she had flipped over, her face turned bright red

"Mon dieu, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you are you ok Monsieur Nightwing?!"

"Yeah I'm fine and don't apologize, reflexes like that are key to survival here in Gotham, isn't that right Robin.... Robin?"

When Nightwing didn't get any sound from Robin he looked over to see the boy a blushing mess, then Robin snaped out of it, cuffing the mugger, and turning his attention to the girl.

" Ehem. Mam it's dangerous to be out here at this time alone, please allow us to take you wherever you need to go." - Robin

"Oh thank you um, do you know where Wayne Hotel is? I was supposed to go with my class to dinner, but they... “forgot” me, I decided to try and meet up with them, but I failed horribly." - Maria

"Wait they just left you? and in Gothan of all cities?! What kind of teacher does that?!" - Nightwing

" An instegator." - Maria said under her breath in French, she didn't notice the slight shock on both their faces from what she said.

"Anyway lets get you to your hotel before it gets any later." - Nightwing

"Thank you again." - Maria

She arrived safely, thanks to Nightwing and Robin, she thanked them one more time and went inside, when she got to her room she found her friends pacing back and forth in the room, Chloé and Peter looking like they would soon become two people on a mission to find her, but thankfully she was back, she of course had to answer alot of questions, but that was no big deal. After answering all their questions, everyone went to their rooms, and fell asleep, they had a big day tomorrow afterall... ... and then Marias' Akuma alert went off, ok so it took about thirty minutes to defeated the akuma 2 more before she could cure anything and another 5 minutes before she could head back to her room, and it was now 2am, but she could still wake up early right? hehe (・–・;) right?

No, the answer was no she couldn't, well technically she was up on time for when the bus "should" have started getting ready to leave, BUT turns out Lila SOMEHOW, managed to get everyone on board without even thinking of her an hour early! Maria asked for directions once again, and the receptionist had a worried and apologetic look on her face, Maria thanked her again, and headed out, this time however, she made it without getting lost and without getting mugged, Yay! She even had enough time to get a coffe (Tim special was a wierd name but oh well it did the job pretty well) from a shop near by (double yay!) before entering the WE building.

" You have to start the tour! we've been here for an hour and thirty minutes already!" - Ms. Bustier

"Like I said before, I will not start the tour until your student gets back, and if they don't get back, then we better hope nothing happened to them, or else it's your fault for your negligence." - Tour guide

"Sorry I'm late, the bus left earlier than what we scheduled, why didn't you inform me about the change?" - Maira

"Lila said you were the one who made the changes and that you were just trying to get attention, I am VERY disappointed in you Maria, now apologize to your class for delaying the tour!" - Ms Bustier

"I think you mean “I'm sorry we left you behind in a city where murder happens to young kids on a daily basis” now you apologize to Your student that is Your responsibility." - Tour Guide with a glare that could kill a thousand armys

Ms. Bustier proceeded to apologise to half the class's disbelief.

"Alright then, now that thats all taken care of, Hello and welcome to Wayne Enterprise, where we focus on making Gotham and the world a better place. I'm Dick Grayson, and I'll be you tour guide for today."

As the tour went on Maria stood at the front with her friends, she took notes of everything that was said, and she ignored whatever nonsense Lila was spouting, somthing about saving or dating Damian Wayne, she didn't really care.

When the lunch break came, she sat with her friends until she needed a long overdo refill on her coffee, she walked over to the coffee machine and started figuring what combination will keep her brain working for the rest of the day.

"Press button 3 followed by 5, 6, 8, 1, 2, 4, 9, and 7, that is the ultimate coffee mixture, if your mortal self is up for the challenge." - Sleep deprived guy

"I accepte." she presses the buttons in the exact order and then " Wait none of the cups are big enough."

"Here, secrect cup, from beyond the mortal realm." - Sleep deprived guy

" Thanks" she grapped the very large cup, and filled it with coffee till it was almost to the rim, she put the lid on and instantly took a big sip from the scolding hot coffee (she can heal, her tongue's fiiiiiiine)

"... Not bad, taste similar to the Tim Special I had earlier, but maybe a bit stronger." - Maria

" Kindred Spirit, let us be friends, you have drank the sacred coffee and are now immortal, congrats." - Sleep deprived guy

"It was not easy, but I have come this far, and I shall go the distance with nothing but coffee in my veins." Maria said in a serious tone as they shook hands "I am Maria, keeper of all nighters, and who might you be, my kindred spirit."

"I am Tim, the keeper of sacred coffee and all that is unholy."

"It was an honor to meet you Sacred Tim, may the coffee gods guide you in your journey, sadly we must part ways, for the lunch break is over, farewell..." and with that Maria left to rejoin the group.

"Dear god where the hell did you get that much coffee?!" - Chloé

"Kindred Spirits always find a way to assemble." - Maria

"Huh, so there is someone out there who is also a sleep deprived child." - Alix

The tour continued, and Maria noticed their tour guide kept looking at her with growing concern as she slowly made her way through the lovely coffee, she finished the cup within 1 hour and 30 minutes, and most of the staff kept looking at her as she now held the empty unholy cup, that was said to put people (that weren't chosen by the coffee gods) into caffeine induced commas, but she was fine, if anything she was more awake than yesterday and today combined. So yeah Today had a rocky start, but I'd say things are only just beginning.

•—–—–†–—–—•

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜 Bonus Art 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

This is what it looks like from Marias' normal vision, to her Soul Vision (~‾▿‾)~

Chapter 3 completed, hope you're all having a wonderful day, and staying positive BUG-OUT 🐞💮🐞

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜 Tag List 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

1st Place★: @animegirlweeb ☕

2nd Place★: @jumpingjoy82

3rd Place★: @zalladane

4th Place★: @jayjayspixiepop

5th Place★: @arty-shadow-morningstar

6th Place★: @smol-book-nerd

7th Place★: @irontimetravelflower

8th Place★: @fandom-trapped-03

9th Place★: @meme991001

10th Place★: @buginetye

11th Place★: @blackroserelina

12th Place★: @jessigurl-design

13th Place★: @adrestar

14th Place★: @moon5608

15th Place★: @little-bluestar

16th Place★: @batgirljr72

17th Place★: @myazael

18th Place★: @our-preciousss

19th Place★: @wolf2118

20th Place★: @nyx-in-line

21st Place★: @kking13

22nd Place★: @lunerlover2024

23rd Place★: @moonlightstar64

24th Place★: @corporeal-terrestrial

25th Place★: @kashlyn

26th Place★: @tbehartoo

27th Place★: @heart-charming

28th Place★: @solangelo252

29th Place★: @t1dwarrior-of-earth

30th Place★: @lady-phoenix-of-tardis

@lupagrimm

[generalchelseamayhem]

1-85

1: Describe myself.

I look like Some Guy. Blue eyes, brown hair, very pale skin, not amazingly tall or short, a beard which refuses to grow out to any impressive length OR stay as stubble. My most distinctive physical feature is probably my gait.

2: If I could to on an all expenses paid vacation for a week, where?

Germany. To visit @myflawedfairytale . I'd probably continue the vacation longer if I could pay for it.

3: Do I have siblings?

Practically, no, but technically yes. I have 2 half-siblings and they're both much older than me, like they were pretty much already adults by the time I was born, so we never really developed a sibling dynamic in the traditional sense.

4: Favourite constellation and why.

The Southern Cross because I'm Australian.

5: Favourite colour.

Dark blueish green. Followed by vivid orange.

6: What kind of music do you listen to?

Whew. I bet you weren't expecting this to be an armour-piercing question. The answer is I don't know. I actually listen to a lot less music than I used to - practically had to throw out an entire supergenre, every metal song I've ever owned, as well as my entire Two Steps from Hell collection, because they all reminded me too much of my ex. I still listen to Duran Duran but more often than that I just don't listen to music at all.

7: Favourite flower.

Marigolds cause they're super orange, or nasturtiums cause you can eat them.

8: If I could do magic, what is the first spell I would learn?

I don't know if I can choose, i think I'd be too thrilled at the prospect of doing magic to worry about practicality, and after the novelty has worn off practicality is all I would care about. Something boring like a spell of Create Food and Water, or a spell of Purge Pathogens or something. Maybe a spell of Rearrange Nucleic and Amino Acids to help with my career?

9: Favourite childhood memory.

Probably that time I spent with a friend of mine in that sweet spot where we as kids still did video games and imagination-powered meatspace games in equal measure. I have several years of those memories, and cherish them all.

10: Have I ever been cheated on?

No.

11: If I could describe my perfect room...

Like a man-cave sort of situation? I guess it would be set up as a really cosy entertainment room, like with sofas, bean bags, pillows, mattresses, then a TV with attached consoles/computer as the centrepiece. If you can actually feel the carpet underneath you, something has gone terribly wrong.

12: Favourite animal.

I love dogs in all their forms, but capybaras are a close second.

13: What was the last photo I took?

The whiteboard in my area at work. There's a weird call-and-response going on where someone writes some seemingly utterly random expression on the board, and I draw a picture or something to match it. A few days ago it was "EAT OR BE EATEN" (I drew Pac-man being chased by a ghost), then it was "SHOOT FIRST, ASK QUESTIONS LATER" (I drew the American flag), and finally "DO NOT LICK FINGERS" (I reworked the KFC slogan to just say "It's... good")

14: Do I believe in soul mates?

Not at the best of times, and even less nowadays.

15. Do I hang toilet paper over or under?

Over. Possibly because I've never had a house pet.

16. My go to place to eat & my favorite thing to get there.

Surprising nobody, it's Nando's, and lately I've been partial to having chicken ribs and chicken tenderloins with a large chips. Comfort food.

17. do I believe everything happens for a reason?

Yes, but not in a fated kind of way, which is usually the original intent of the question, so... no.

18. guilty pleasures?

The aforementioned Nando's I guess? I get depressed a lot in the summer, so I find it hard to quantify the threshold between 'path of least resistance' and 'actual pleasure'. I have a lot of guilty paths-of-least-resistance.

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

I don't really have a favourite creature, I like the myths around them. I suppose for sheer concept I'll say the Phoenix, because it's a bird made of fire which symbolises and embodies the concept of death leading to rebirth in a natural cycle.

20. something most people don’t know about me.

Not my proper answer, but for some reason people always take a long time to notice that I'm left handed.

I am also a chronic oversharer, but most people still don't know that I have an entirely useless 1-year Diploma of Arts degree in Ancient History to go with my 2 Bachelors of Arts and Science, respectively.

21. where did I grow up and what was it like?

Literally the best house in Australia, in one of the best suburbs of the city of Sydney. If that sounds extraordinarily overprivileged, that's because... it is. :/

It had a park on one side, a heritage landmark building on the other side, and a bit further over was a fantastic garden all planted by one woman. Any more information than that and I may as well just give you the address. We had the best New Year's Eve parties there; apart from the complete lack of anything resembling neighbours with kids my age, it was about as idyllic as an Australian upbringing can possibly get..

Why my parents sold the place, I will never be able to rationalise.

22. do I believe aliens exist?

Only as a matter of statistical probability; I can't claim to ever have seen one.

23. what was my last google search?

"Age of Mythology Atlanteans". For the mythical creature question above actually, just to remind myself if I ever had a favourite mythical creature from AoM.

24. what did my last relationship teach you?

All sorts of unhealthy lessons I probably shouldn't have learned. The healthiest lesson is probably that... sometimes people just aren't compatible.

25. would I relocate for love?

No. Only if relocating there is actually better for me than remaining where I am. And I'm not just tricking myself into believing it's better just because I'm so in love.

26. do I hold grudges or forgive easily?

I tend to hold grudges when I'm in a bad mood, and forgive easily when I'm in a good mood. Some days there's just nothing you can do that will make me lastingly offended, but to be fair, most of those days are depression days.

27. favourite book.

Existentially Challenged by Yahtzee Croshaw. Subject to change depending on my mood.

28. do I consider myself an extrovert or introvert?

Introvert all the way. But I like company with other introverts.

29. have I ever kept a journal, and do I now?

No. I might start if playing D&D absolutely required it.

30. top 5 favorite movies.

In no particular order, Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit; Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Hot Fuzz, The World's End, and weirdly enough, On Her Majesty's Secret Service. (I am aware that Edgar Wright is over-represented here)

31. do I believe that everything happens for a reason?

...No, but I'm a big believer in Deja Vu.

32. what is my greatest fear?

As in existential fear, or everyday phobia? Everyday phobia is needles, for sure. I hate injections of every single kind.

I would say I'm pretty afraid of dying; I am not in any way equipped to handle the concept of my own non-existence, but if I had to choose an absolute least favourite way of dying, it would probably be drowning, in the sense that in my more anxious moments I can actually imagine what that feels like.

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

I don't drink alcohol. Lemon Lime and Bitters is classified as a soft drink but wins on a technicality (Angostura Bitters!)

34. most embarrassing thing I've done.

There are some stories I would rather not share with the internet.

35. do I believe in ghosts?

Nope, and I can't fathom why some people do.

36. what is the best and worst part of my personality?

Well the worst part of my personality is that I take absolutely all external stimuli and try to twist them into something that sounds definitively self-deprecating (related to learning all that unhealthy stuff about my last relationship that I mentioned earlier). For this reason I can't really think of a best part too often, but I suppose I can be considered a good friend to people when they need it.

37. should you split the dinner bill?

Yes.

38. am I a good liar?

Oh heck no, I am such a bad liar that in Mafia/Werewolf type games the only way I have a chance to succeed, ever, is if I deliberately do a sub-optimal or bonkers stupid play, involving no lies whatsoever, that makes the other players second-guess their first instincts.

39. what keeps me up at night?

My feet get overly hot due to some kinda circulation issue I haven't figured out. I also get anxious wondering if my friends secretly hate me sometimes.

40. would I rather go without my phone or music?

Music. That's the depression talking again, but there you go.

41. do I believe in god?

No. Never have.

42. how do I relax when frustrated?

Bury my head in my pillow and scream until I run out of oxygen or the softness of the pillow encourages me to take a nap.

43. what’s something that offends me?

Political and wealthy elites stirring up the ire of the masses by saying things and encouraging views that they 100% do not believe in at all, but conveniently the belief of the masses nets them a healthy amount of money and reputation. Like that's bad enough by itself; if they don't even believe in it themselves that's even worse somehow.

44. favorite food

Gotta say, dumplings are at the forefront of my mind right now, thanks to a Polish fine dining experience featuring pierogi and kopytka.

45. if I were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

This just sounds like a nightmare for the other person.

46. when do you feel the most confident?

After somebody compliments me on literally anything. I'm still flying high on a compliment I got from @adhoption like 4 or 5 days ago.

47. what do you do on your free time?

Video games, these days. Mostly Pokemon and Minecraft, and just starting this week, Stardew Valley.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

My ex-roommate, who shall remain nameless but who left behind a mess and a smell that would make the local landfill say "Wow, that place is a dump."

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Yeah. :(

50. did/do you play sports in school?

It was mandatory so yeah. I did like playing cricket, but I wasn't any good at it.

51. when are you happiest?

I could really stand to cuddle someone for hours at a time right now. I think that would make me the happiest.

52. coffee or tea?

Neither. If I must, tea because it can come in all sorts of fruity flavours if you need it to.

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

My phone, I guess.

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

Eyes, hair, and if I'm feeling pervy, lips. In that order.

55. what is your favorite season, why?

Season 2. It's usually the point where a TV show peaks, having established its conventions, tropes, and character dynamics, but the execution feels fresh and it feels largely unconstrained by the weight of popularity- oh, that's not what you meant. Uh, winter. My birthday is in winter. No bugs either.

56. what makes you laugh?

Puns. Love me a good(bad) pun.

57. are you a clean or messy person?

Messy, but there are 1000 reasons why that's not my fault right now. Trust me. :P

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

Don't do what I did.

59. what was your upbringing like?

Very privileged and comfortable, but also very... helicoptery. I think it was just this past 6 months that I've come to terms with how much of my life my mother had planned out.

60. favorite holiday?

Easter.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

Pay taxes on my winnings (presumably 😑) and split the rest between me and my friends.

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

Pepperoni and mushrooms.

63. favorite outdoor activity.

What's an "out-door"?

64. how are you? honestly.

I am not fine. The pandemic and various other things combined with it have sent me into the worst depression spiral I've ever been in. I'm trying to dig myself out, but it's hard work. After I post this I'll probably need to take a mental health break from Tumblr and see how that affects me.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

Beach resort probably.

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

Sunrise.

67. favorite type of candy?

There's this candy store in The Blue Mountains, and I only rarely get to go there. The highlight is the jelly babies - not like commercially packaged gummi bears, proper sugar-dusted British-style jelly babies. They're so good they make you realise why Tom Baker's Doctor was offering them to everyone.

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

A biography called Wait, We Got The Wrong Guy: The Story of a North Shore Up-And-Comer

69. what movie quotes do you use on a regular basis?

Nothing is coming to mind right now. If I do quote something from pop culture these days it's usually Doctor Who or Discworld. Or occasionally The Wheel of Time. No movies though.

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

3 1/2 inch floppy disks.

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eavesdropped on?

All the gossip I've ever eavesdropped on has been very mundane and inconsequential.

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

There's one about how the U.S. is responsible for the breakup of Yugoslavia, ostensibly because it wanted a base close to a USSR that wasn't really there anymore, and also because it couldn't stand to see communism work on even a small scale (though they were seemingly helped out a lot by Tito dying at the beginning of the 80s). Very biased of course, but almost all documentaries are in some way so it's better to recognise that and roll with it to get as much actual info out of it as possible.

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

The one I got for free where the hair stylist in question swore a lot. Swearing while cutting hair is usually a pretty good indicator of turning out badly.

74. what do you like to cook?

Still partial to spaghetti bolognese, but if I'm honest my current place is not conducive to cooking, like, at all.

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

Wild horses roaming a mountainside in scenic Hrvatska.

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

There's a special breed of satire comedy which is the funniest thing ever but slightly too real to actually laugh at. I need to watch Yes Minister, but there's also an Australian equivalent called The Hollowmen which is a little more recent. Frontline, by the same production company, is in the same vein but for current affairs news shows.

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

Neither. I'm not brave enough to follow my heart and not sensible enough to follow my head.

78. what is your favorite quote?

The Discworld City Watch subseries has the famous Boots Theory of Economics, but my personal favourite is:

"The common people? They're nothing special. They're no different from the rich and powerful except they've got no money or power. But the law should be there to balance things up a bit. So I suppose I've got to be on their side."

- Sam Vimes

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

I have so many crushes that come and go it's hard to tell what's weird anymore. Maybe they're all very normal.

80. what’s your love language?

Generosity. Literally sending someone money if they need it.

81. do you ever feel alone?

You're asking me this now? In a pandemic? While I'm living alone??

82. ever been bullied?

Yep. By a bunch of girls who hated me for reasons I still can't fully understand to this day.

83. are you usually early or late?

Early. I hate being late to things.

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

Art that's lowkey superior to what your average gallery puts on display from the ""visionaries"" of decades centuries past. It's only gotten clear to me recently how many of the more recent artists were rich people whose true artistic talents were getting high, holding orgies, and networking. Dying young also helps. This is a callout post for a particular guy suddenly.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

Molecular biology. I don't know nearly enough about my own field.

[philliamwrites]

One Fool's Heart (Rank 2)

Fandom: Persona 5 Pairing: Akira / Reader, later: Akira / Akechi (one-sided) Warnings: age difference, consensual underage romance, implied/referenced self-harm, implied/referenced child abuse, references to depression, unreliable narrator, angst, hurt & comfort, p3 cameos, p4 cameos, no persona 5 royal spoilers

Summary: All you wanted was a nice part time job to scrape by. But if you had known how much of a smug sass-master Akira Kurusu would turn out to be, you’d have thought twice about agreeing to tutor him.

Notes: Rank 1 | Rank 3 Masterlist

[Rank 2]

The morning starts as usual.

You sweet talk your water boiler into working so you can poison your body with disgusting instant coffee, and throw some fried eggs in a pan since it's definitely better than starving during the first two classes. Across from your one room apartment, you can hear loud rock music and Junpei Iori sceaming like someone is trying to stab him. The student living in the apartment beneath you is knocking at his ceiling with the end of a broom, trying to make you stop the noise. This whole building is shit with walls thin as a pad, and he thinks it’s actually you with the bad music taste and a death wish this early in the morning— all in all, the day starts like any else. Even your phone blinks with unread messages you’re ignoring until you sit down for breakfast and finally give it the attention you probably should invest into something like the morning news or yoga.

Everything is pretty much the same save for an unknown number sitting in your inbox.

[unknown number]: hey, you forgot your notebook @ my place

[you]: And who the fuck is this?

[unknown number]: language, teach :o

You groan. It’s too early, it feels like you’re chewing through cardboard and your coffee is so bitter you feel your mouth is turning inwards. How in the world do the Gods think you’re capable of dealing with this bullshit just after waking up.

[you]: So you are able to write like a normal teenager after all.

[unknown number]: ? :D

[you]: Never mind.

[you]: I'll pick it up tomorrow. It’s probably just scribbles and notes.

[unknown number]: i dunno. “impact of bullying on child personality” sounds p important 2 me

[you]: You snooped through my stuff???

[unknown number]: no

[unknown number]: maybe

[unknown number]: sorry

[you]: Surprisingly honest. Like I said, I’ll manage today without it.

There’s no reply, so you focus back on getting ready. Your first class on Tuesday starts around 8 and since you’ve started this weird habit of getting this stupid overpriced but ridiculously delicious green tea each day, you make sure to get there on time before it’s sold out. Maybe they put some drug in there and it got every student addicted to it.

Outside, you can smell the early summer’s heat. It’s uncharacteristically warm for late May and you feel sorry for high school students who still have to wear their winter uniform for another two weeks. Maybe you should consider to move once summer really kicks in and settle down somewhere really cold like the Antarctica. You’re pretty sure you don’t have to worry about getting a heat stroke there. Only it’s not even the worst outside, the real Hell starts when you enter the train station and the smell of sweat and cologne punches you in the face. Yongen-Jaya station is a bowl currently in danger of overflowing with the people trying to squeeze through the station gates to get to their trains. Experience taught you to go with the flow, let the crowd carry you to your destination; the less you move, the faster you get where you want to be— survival of the fittest? More like survival of the laziest.

Popping a chocolate filled with coffee (because after one cup in the morning you’re still unable to function properly) in your mouth, you scroll through your phone, ignoring the unread messages from your mom dropping into your mailbox like dead flies assembling on your windowsill. If it’s urgent, she’ll call, you tell yourself. The crowd pushes you forward, right in front of the white line that separates people from a painful death. Subway workers try to maintain some sort of order, and fail spectacularly as the train arrives and people force their way in, pushing and pulling at each other. You feel someone’s hand trying to get into your pocket to steal your chocolate. The world truly is a cruel place.

Finally inside, you don’t even try to hold onto one of the grab bars above you, and simply lean against someone behind you, ignoring the complaining grunts and the pushing of an elbow against your side until it becomes very hard to ignore because they practically shove you against the windows, and magically you manage to bring up a hand and catch yourself before smacking your face against the glass. A swear is already getting comfortable on your tongue until you look down and see a familiar face staring back up at you with big eyes.

“Oh, it’s you,” you observe the obvious, apparently lacking every form of proper manners your parents taught you.

Akira Kurusu gives you a small nod, his arms holding his school back tightly like he’s carrying the world’s greatest treasure. Maybe he’s robbed a bank? There’s an open book laying on top of it but the letters are too small for you to recognise anything. His eyes follow the trail of your neck, then shoulder until they rest on your arm, and you realise how awkward this is with the person behind you still pushing and if they keep that up, you might land in Kurusu’s lap and now that would probably make both your mornings excellent, but you rather stay where you are so you just try to shimmy out of the way before said elbow breaks one of your ribs. The train keeps going and the people around you talk but it becomes white noise in the back of your head until you hear the meowing of a cat somewhere. Maybe it sneaked inside somehow and is now regretting all life decisions that led him to this moment. Kurusu clears his throat, and you look back down when you notice the black blazer and the white emblem on his chest.

“Wait, you’re a Shujin student? Wasn’t there this legal case with the PE teacher a couple of weeks ago?”

Kurusu closes his book with confidence like he’s been waiting for someone to talk to him about that speficic topic, and now you see that he’s been reading Buchiko’s Story. Aww, a soft boy through and through.

“Three weeks, actually,” he says. “He had a change of heart.”

You saw the news and pretty much everyone around you talked about it. Just like the majority, you wondered how someone would just admit doing all that horrible stuff after covering it up for so long, which brings you to Kurusu’s words: “Change of heart? You really think his consciousness couldn’t bear it all of a sudden and he decided to be good? Just like that?” you ask, doubt oozing out of your voice. Sure, exceptions confirm the rule, but it’s never just out of nowhere. Usually perpetrators subconsciously start showing signs of remorse towards confidants before deciding to admit to their crime, not to mention dropping a bomb like that in front of the whole school? Hypnotherapy maybe? Or a forced hard reboot? It certainly would make an interesting case study for a future assignment.

“No,” Kurusu says, stopping your train of thought. A thick, black curl is between his fingers and he keeps tugging at his hair. “The Phantom Thieves came after him and stole his twisted desires,” he adds, and looks up at you with surprisingly keen, sharp eyes like they might come after you as well and maybe you’d feel at least something like a shudder if you’d actually know what the Hell he’s talking about.

“Phantom Thieves? Are they a new band?” you ask, though you’re not really into contemporary music. Kurusu blinks at you, then his hand falls on his book. He opens it and goes back to reading, ending the conversation like it’s no one’s business, which is rude much? Scratch ‘soft boy’, he’s probably growing up to be a hipster who is only reading classics to feel sophisticated and annoys people with trending bands and music hits. You pretend it doesn’t bother you to be dismissed like that, and read through the ads popping up on the screens. You don’t know why anybody would pay that amount of money for adhesive bandages but you’re also very stingy when it comes to it.

Finally, the female voice announces Shibuya as the next station where you’ll board another train. Kurusu doesn’t move, and you faintly remember Shujin Academy is somewhere further east from Shibuya. The train vomits its passengers onto the platforms but the next wave quickly gets back inside. A tingle in your neck makes you turn around, and from across the platform you see Kurusu looking at you. An impulse takes you by surprise and the moment you lift your hand to wave at him, he decides to look down and focuses on his phone. Teenagers and their addiction to stay up to date and available on social media. You shake your head and take out your own phone, checking Twitter because you are a hypocrite, scrolling through the tweets of fellow students gushing over the exhibit of a famous artist.

@charli_xoxo says: stop praising him, that dude is plagiarising

@burnedchickennugget says: @charli_xoxo the hell, how about you don’t spread baseless rumours??????

@Rise_Fan says: His art is unlike anything Japan has seen before. But if we want to contest with our Western rivals, we need to acknowledge Madarame-sensei’s talent more!!!

@toby says: his art’s p cool

@jackspedicy says: @toby not as good as bobby rossie tho

@toby says: @jackspedicy bobby who?

@jackspedicy says: @toby remove yourself from this conversation. right now.

Sometimes you wonder how many brain cells people lose by engaging in those conversations, and with that thought you say goodbye to one of yours and reply “@toby @jackspedicy rip”.

Crossing the last traffic lights, the university looms like a drop into the sky before you, it’s dark glass windows reflecting the early morning sun. It’s busy as usual, students rushing to their classes with cloth backs bulging with books in one hand and a cardboard cup of coffee in their other. Just like you expected, the green tea is sold out and you have to wait until lunch to get your fill. On your way to class, your eyes throw daggers at everyone drinking it. The first two classes pass with little specularity. One of them is actually one of your favourites because this professor doesn’t know the concept of personal information. Professor Yanagihara shares every little detail about his life with his students, talks about his vacations and more than often drifts off topic to engage his students in philosophical arguments. Out of everyone, he’s your favourite because he doesn’t appear fake— a bold claim, because maybe that is his actual act and he’s hiding something completely different behind his polite smiles and motivated speeches. Or maybe you’re just paranoid because the knowledge of your mother’s text waiting for your is taking its toll on you. Nonetheless, Yanagihara gives you the feeling that he’s an actual person, not just academic knowledge cramped into flesh. Thanks to that, you go into lunch break feeling surprisingly good and refreshed for a change. Today’s meal is something vegan that will hopefully be a nice, healthy change for you. The canteen is a minefield as always, hungry cadets everywhere, but you success in your mission to secure an empty table for you and Narukami.

“Oh no,” you say when he finally joins you shortly after you chase away first years trying to take the seats. “Someone’s not happy.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replies, giving his meal a doubtful look like it might jump at him at any second. Still, he claps his hands together and starts eating.

“You’re angry,” you specify and point first at your forehead, than at this. “You always have this crease between your eyebrows.”

Narukami stops and smooths said wrinkle with his thumb, muttering something like “Freaking shrinks” to which you wink at him. It takes another two minutes of him sorting through his food like he might find a cockroach hidden in the pile of rice before he finally says, “My professor gave me an internship offer. It’s from Tanaka’s Attorney Office.”

You smile, though it feels hollow, like you’re a pumpkin and someone carved it into your face. “That’s great.”

A shadow settles over Narukami’s eyes. “No, it isn’t. They defend criminals. People so entitled, so certain they won’t be caught that being caught, that very concern doesn’t even occur to them. People who think the laws are written for them, that they are protected by it.”

“So?” you counter, noticing the tension in Narukami’s shoulders. Today must be one of your bad days because you’re really getting into it. Something hot, ugly slithers on your tongue, demanding to get free. “Who cares? If you do good, they’ll want to keep you and you’ll be set for life.”

“And protect criminals? Knowing I’m destroying lives of innocents?” You know exactly where he’s going with those words, and you brace yourself, but not for the first time, you underestimate Narukami like the fool you are. “As if you’d do the same to your future patients,” he says quietly, and with that, you already know you’ve lost. Still, you try a comeback.

“You want to land somewhere big later? You take this internship,” you say. All appetite is gone and you feel like you’ve eaten moulded paper, the words leaving a bitter tingle on your tongue. “Don’t be stupid, Narukami.”

He settles back, and taps the end of his chopsticks against the table until you feel the urge to grab and break them. “I won’t take it,” he says eventually, calm like a saint when you really wish he’d lash out at you. “I’ll go somewhere where I can make a difference.”

It’s such a Narukami thing to say; words suited to a hero, or an anime protagonist that you can’t help but bark a laugh in his face. “There is no such thing as making a difference. No one will take you seriously with that kind of attitude, you know.”

“Why?” Narukami asks, and he sounds so honest about it, you don’t notice his eyes flashing like a drawn dagger. “You think you know all about it because your dad works in a place like that?” He doesn’t say it like an insult, it’s nonchalant, there’s no malice, and still it’s like a poisoned dart drills into your chest and spreads the deadly substance through your whole body, making you grow cold and nauseated. You decide to play along and give him a crooked grin. “Absolutely. No one gives a shit about the truth, not when cash is involved. People rather sacrifice their morale than money.”

Narukami considers you with his trademark blank expression, then proceeds scooping more rice on his chopsticks. “You’d know everything about it, wouldn’t you.”

You mutter a silent “Fuck you” but it’s lacking the venom you’d usually pump into those words to signal people they better stay away from you or their face will be acquainted with your fist. Narukami is unapologetic when it comes to the truth, but somehow it’s never bothered you with him. Maybe it’s because you know that he knows that for all the foul things your mouth sputters you also want to make a difference; you also want the world to change. You’re just lacking his confidence to do so.

It’s a clear defeat in your book, so you retreat to safer grounds and decide to change the subject. “By the way, heard anything new about this case with the teacher from Shujin? Kamo-something…”

“Suguru Kamoshida,” Narukami offers, then pauses and places his sticks down. “He’s still in police custody. From what I’ve heard, he’s refusing lawyers’ offers to defend him, and pleads guilty even though they tell him he won’t go to jail if he apologises.” His voice drops, and with it any good mood that might have been left inside you.

“They can’t do that. He physically abused his students, raped one for fu—” You stop, because there’s no need to get angry at Narukami for this. Instead, you breathe in, you breathe out. It doesn’t help.

“He’s a first-time offender on top of that,” Narukami continues, picking on the hem of his left sleeve. “They won’t sentence him. They don’t know what to do with him, because he wants to take responsibility.”

“As he should,” you hiss, and you don’t even want to get into this argument because there’s a thirty pages essay collecting dusk in one of your USB folders on how rapists fail to see their fault and have trouble acknowledging the gravity of their actions because they dissociate with the victim and their action that is graded F because a lecturer found the topic too sensitive and poorly argued (which you know is bullshit because the very same lecturer has praised your writing, thorough research and argumentation on more than one occasion).

“And he will,” Narukami says. “But I’m just as interested in knowing how The Phantom Thieves managed to make him confess.”

There it is again. The Phantom Thieves. Grey eyes behind round glasses come to your mind, sharp like a dagger’s blade. It smothers the fire inside you, dulls it to a weak flicker.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

Narukami shrugs. “Why shouldn’t I?”

“Why should you? It’s impossible. Probably just a dumb prank the students played on that guy.”

“Maybe it’s a prank.” He leans back and crosses his hands behind his neck, rubbing the stiff muscles. “Maybe it’s someone trying to do the right thing.”

“Stealing someone’s twisted desires?” you quote Kurusu’s words from this morning. “Let’s go wild and say that’s possible. How is that ethically right?”

Narukami considers you. Instead of answering, he asks, “How do you know that?”

“A Shujin student told me.” And just when you say it, somehow you feel you shouldn’t have. “The one I’m tutoring.”

Narukami nods like he already expected that answer. Eventually, he says, “I don’t know. What happened, why Kamoshida behaves like that. What will happen to him. I really don’t know.”

It would be a real surprise if Narukami did, but the way he said it made it sound so final, so defeated. You don’t know about the battles Narukami has fought or is fighting; you can’t say if they are related to this, and the repetition of subject, emotions and pain tires him. The truth that there really is little you know about Narukami sits like a stone in your stomach as you both sit in silence, not eating, not looking at each other. Suddenly, you just really want to go home.

___________________________________________

Evening advances faster after an awkward goodbye to Narukami and the last two classes you barely pay attention to. With only a little time left before tutoring starts, you cram the hastily printed quiz papers for Kurusu in your back and beeline out of the library before staff notices you still haven’t paid your copy-fees. The ride back to Yongen-Jaya lulls you into a semi-coma, luckily you’ve avoided rush hour and managed to grab a seat. How heavenly this ride could be if it wasn’t for the grandma snoring on your shoulder, drooling on you.

When you enter Leblanc you find Kurusu sitting on a stool at the bar, head down resting against the surface like he’s given up on life and you really, really, really want to say what a mood. Instead, you summon all your will power to appear like a responsible adult. A curious glance towards Mr. Sakura doesn’t give you any insight because he just shrugs and turns around, instead focusing on a crossword puzzle he balances on one thigh.

“Don’t expect too much. He’s been like this all day,” Mr. Sakura says, scratching his chin with a pen.

You unpack all your stuff on the table where your forgotten notebook already waits for you, and you welcome it back in your shabby bag before looking at Kurusu’s back. First day in, and he’s already defeated. Maybe he’s actually your spirit animal because you’d definitely be up for cancelling the tutoring and just hang out, maybe watch a movie. But then Narukami’s face flashes in the back of your mind, considerate and hard-working and you really don’t need him guilt tripping you without even being present. You grab Kurusu’s shoulders and pull him from the bar stool, ignoring his protesting grunts. In the booth, he slouches again, and you send a silent prayer to your grandma, hoping she can forgive an ignorant youth like him.

“Come on, we don’t have all night,” you say, spreading the teaching materials. “When are your next exams?”

“July,” Kurusu mutters against the wood, head down again as if he’s hoping his face becomes one with the table. “Finals.”

Well, that’s still plenty of time, you think.

“Two months will pass faster than you can anticipate and then what?” Mr. Sakura says, and thank God he can’t read your mind— or maybe he can and that’s why he said it.

“Exactly,” you agree, doing your best to look strict and authoritative, and totally not called out.

Kurusu looks like he wants to flip both of you off but his manners are stronger than his grudge, so he finally sits upright and pulls the materials in front of him, grabbing for a pen. While you instruct him, Mr. Sakura places another cup in front of you and gives you a wink. “Since you’re putting this much effort into helping him out, I can put a little extra in for you too,” he says with a little smile, which is a blessing because you definitely won’t say No to delicious coffee you can’t afford in the first place, and at the same time is extremly creepy because you sure he’s flirting with you on some kind of level even though he’s old enough to be your dad.

The session starts with some easy questions about post WWII literature, but Kurusu doesn’t really know anything about it, so you proceed with giving an overview of the most important historical and cultural events. Kurusu is good at connecting both sides to see their impact on literature, and you’re somewhat proud that you don’t fuck up all this education stuff. Maybe you should have become a teacher instead? Quickly, you move on to social studies, but throughout that your phone starts to buzz in your pocket with incoming messages, and once Kurusu is occupied with the next task, you quickly sneak a glance at your phone, barely holding back the groan working its way out of your mouth. It’s this small group you’re in, consisting of some fellow students you’ve worked with over the years. Some you know better, some less. They friendly remind you of the upcoming reading in Jinbochi you still don’t feel an inch excited about. You groan and lie your head on the table while scrolling through the messages, reading how everyone’s looking for someone to go so they don’t have to. Borrowing notes isn’t your piece of cake, so unfortunately there’s no great outcome for you. You wonder what Narukami will be up to in Inaba at that time, but asking about it feels a little too intrusive, and you haven’t reached that level of friendship yet. If you don’t stick your nose into his business, he won’t do the same to you and that’s exactly what you want.

Suddenly, Kurusu’s poking at your head with his pen. You raise your head to see what he wants, and he pushes his paper under your nose to check his answers. You skim the text, cheek squished against the cool table. They aren’t the world’s most clever replies but you think he’s doing pretty good for a high school student (suspiciously good for someone claiming he needs tutoring), so you just give him some tips for structure and elaborate a little about compulsive behaviour you’re pretty sure is a topic his teachers won’t even touch. Kurusu keeps nodding like a good student and takes notes, though you can’t see if he’s really writing everything down or just repeats the same word over and over again. At some point, he looks up at you and interrupts your monologue by asking “Is everything all right?” which makes your brain stumble and your train of thought trip.

“Ah, yeah?” You consider asking where that came from, but you decide on a question in return. “Hooow about you?”

Kurusu looks down at his notes, then nods, though something in his voice doesn’t sound convinced. “All good.”

What a meaningful conversation.

“Good,” you say. “That’s good.” Maybe a TV crew is just seconds away from striding inside and filming what must be the world’s most awkward conversation since the dawn of time. From behind the bar, Mr. Sakura agrees with your thoughts by giving a strained, fake cough to fill the silence, probably ashamed of you both.

Your phone goes off again, and you consider dunking it in the cup of coffee Mr. Sakura has very generously provided but you’re broke and can’t afford paying for a new cup, much less a new phone.

This time, Kurusu is a lot more forward. “Someone bothering you?” he asks, folding and opening a corner of his paper.

You want to tell him it’s none of his business but at the same time there’s no need to be an asshole. “Just some classmates. There’s this reading coming up on Saturday and everyone’s kind of freaking out about it. I really don’t want to go, but meh.” You shrug. “It’s sort of mandatory.”

Something about Kurusu’s posture relaxes, and he nods. After a moment of silence, with only the quiet TV noises in the background and the scratching of Mr. Sakura’s pen, Kurusu asks, “What kind of reading?”

“The kind of reading not suited for high school students,” you say. “It’s about Reed’s edited anthology about the theories and empirical data in the field of cognitive psychology. Nothing really interesting for you.”

“Actually,” Kurusu says, tapping his fingers against the table in an even rhythm, “I think that’s very interesting.”

You raise an eyebrow. “You’d want to go?”

Kurusu just shrugs. “I’m free after school, I think.” Without waiting for a reply, he gets his phone out and looks at his calendar, but you can see in the reflexion of his glasses that the screen remains black. Usually, you call people out on their bullshit, but you have to admit, you’re interested in Kurusu’s plan. Eventually, he nods. “Yeah, no plans yet.”

“Ooookay.” A grin tugs at the corners of your mouth. “Sure. Why the hell not.”

From behind the bar, Mr. Sakura clears his throat. You wince, feeling the urge to argue you’re an adult and are allowed to swear but challenging him might not be the brightest idea. “Why the heck not,” you correct yourself. “If you’re interested in that stuff, be my guest. Let’s meet at 5pm in Shibuya and head over to Jinbocho together.”

“Jinbocho?” Now Kurusu’s screen lits up as he looks up the location. From Mr. Sakura’s direction comes an approving sound, but you wonder how Kurusu’s never heard of it before, living in Tokyo.

“It’s also known as a book town for a very obvious reason, but you’ll see for yourself,” you say, checking the time. The lesson is almost done anyway, so you wrap up and assign him to read a few chapters you’ll discuss on Sunday. Kurusu jots it down sloppily, his eyes hidden behind half-closed lids. You’re pretty sure he’ll forget it the moment he puts down his pen.

Suddenly, something brushes against your ankles. You jump in your seat and hit your knees against the table, choking on a bad curse you’re sure will make Mr. Sakura manhandle you into washing your mouth before throwing you outside. Kurusu flinches as well, looking a lot more awake now. His head disappears under the table and when he returns, there is a cat in his arms, meowing and flailing.

“He says he’s sorry,” Kurusu translates, wiggling the tiny paws, fearless of the sharp claws waiting to meet his skin. You give the cat a nasty glare and rub your throbbing knee. There goes your non-existent track career.

“Sure he is,” you mumble. Those big, innocent eyes can’t fool you. The cat notices that as well and struggles out of Kurusu’s grasp, jumping on a bar stool to beg Mr. Sakura for some food.

In the meantime, Kurusu has already slid across your payment for tonight (that sounds so wrong), his head back down on the table.

“Maybe you shouldn’t stay awake too long,” you suggest the obvious, but Kurusu doesn’t answer. Maybe he’s already asleep.

You say your goodbye to Leblanc's owner and make your slow way home, buying some groceries on the way. It’s somewhere in the back of your mind, but you don’t want to think too much about how you’re now looking forward to the weekend.

___________________________________________

Saturdays are skipping days, or so you falsely assume, standing between two advertising kiosks in Shibuya, waiting for Kurusu. There’s still about an hour left before the reading starts and even though the city and subway is crammed with tourists and residents, you’re sure you’ll make it on time. Your phone buzzes and you sort of expect Kurusu to ditch you at the last second, but when Narukami’s nickname flashes on your screen, a wave of relief fills you. You haven’t seen him for the rest of the week after your strange conversation and somehow you feel like you should apologise, but you don’t know what for or how. Seeing him contacting you first (as always) in such a light, friendly manner (as always) eases your tensions and every possible blame you convinced yourself you bore in making things awkward.

[Naru-man]: [arrived_InabaStation.jpg attached] have fun (:

[you]: Yeah, you too. Don’t forget souvenirs!

[Naru-man]: :thumbsup:

You push your phone back into your pocket, smiling stupidly. If Narukami thinks you don’t see the orange shock of hair peeking into the picture in one corner, he definitely underestimates your stalking skills. When it’s close to 5.20 and your train leaves in about ten minutes, you start looking for Kurusu. In the end, he finds you and claims you walked past him twice which you call bullshit— then again, he’s still wearing his school uniform and there’s something about Kurusu that makes him drown in the crowd. He just looks so ordinary. Compared to yesterday he looks a little more rested, but dark shadows beneath his eyes betray him and tell you that he probably didn’t heed your proposal and had a long, restless night.

“Come on, we’ve got thirty minutes until it starts,” you say, pulling him out of the way and down to the subway station. At first, you imagined it would be impossible to start a conversation with him, but Kurusu surprises you by initiating small talk, asking about your week since Wednesday and what you’ve been up to today. It’s unnervingly normal, comfortable even when you fall into easy banter you didn’t expect from him.

“Did you finish the homework I gave you for tomorrow?” you ask after you finally reach Jinbocho, turning around to face him because a lot of people exit the train and it’s crowded. Kurusu’s front is pressed against your back, and you’re not sure if it’s because there really is no space for him to walk or if he’s ensuring that he doesn’t lose you with that method. The aroma of coffee and something sweet drifts between the sweat and perfume and you unconsciously lean more into him.

Kurusu bats his eyelashes at you, smiling like an angel. “Of course.”

“You’re not even trying. Did your parents teach you to lie to someone’s face like that?”

“I would never,” the Liar continues lying.

The bookstore is only ten minutes away from the station, tugged between a cafe and an antiquarian bookshop. Big signs advert the event and a line already waits in front of the entrance. You recognise some students immediately from classes, but your motivation only suffices for a lazy wave in their direction. Unfortunately, the queue moves slowly so you’re forced to more small talk with Kurusu who’s busy looking at all the book stores rowing side by side down the street.

“So, are you planning to go to college after high school?” you ask.

Kurusu turns back to you and nudges his school bag with his elbow. His hands disappear in the pockets of his pants and you notice his weird habit of shifting his weight from side to side.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I wouldn’t know what to study.”

“I mean, you still have some time to think about it. And college isn’t the ultimate answer anyway,” you admit, staring at a point above his shoulder, doing your best to ignore a fellow student who’s been waving in your direction for the last two minutes.

“Why psychology?” Kurusu returns a question as the line finally moves on. You’ve heard it so often, you don’t tense up anymore and scramble for a good answer.

“To help people, obviously,” you lie when the truth is you never want to wonder what’s going on in people’s heads. You don’t want to be afraid of them, and especially of yourself. But that’s a selfish reason. No one wants to hear that. Somehow, even Kurusu doesn’t look satisfied with that answer. He hums and nudges your back to move forward as the line continues to disappear in the shop. When you’re finally inside, you find two free seats near the wall with a clear view at the small podium. Kurusu takes the chair behind you, and once you sit, he leans forward and props his elbows on his knees.

“You could have studied medicine,” he resumes the conversation. “Or social work. You went for psychology.”

“I didn’t know I owe you my life story,” you respond a little too fiercely, and Kurusu waits a full three seconds before he leaves your personal space and leans back. He’s really too smart for his own good, but you also underestimated him. Before, you wouldn’t have expected Kurusu to be this straight forward. You thought he was shy and reserved, but that’s not true at all. Ordinary and Boring is slapped on his forehead, so you can imagine people letting their guard down around him. But he’s listening carefully and uses words like ammunition he stores until the right time comes to load his mouth and unleash a blitzkrieg on his opposite, not giving any time to built up defences.

When Joseph Reed finally enters, followed closely by a Japanese translator, the audience’s chatting dies and he starts by introducing himself briefly, and then quickly moves on to the editorial changes and additions he’s made since the first published edition. The research intensity and development skyrocketed in the last couple of years and definitely won’t stop so soon with how much there is still to learn about the brain. But when he starts explaining each chapter individually, your own brain shuts down and you lose your focus. Instead your mind wanders to a more unpleasant territory, wondering how much a person’s cognition could be altered, even toyed with. If you change the way a person sees a certain event or person even, could you actually make them forget something entirely? Could you make your br— No. You forbid yourself following that train of thought.

The rest of the reading flies by. Whenever your thoughts don’t spiral into depressing depths, you manage to jot down notes that might come in handy in future lectures (naively assuming you’ll be able to read your scrawling later, you fool). When the end approaches, Reed raises his arm and encourages the audience to ask questions. Multiple arms raise immediately and you swallow a groan. This is going to take a while.

Eventually someone asks Reed if he’d consider lecturing at their college. You didn’t believe someone could suck dick that much, but Reed isn’t shy to show how delighted he is about that question. Maybe he’s prepared himself all day for that exact one because the power point behind him jumps to the next page and shows the picture of a tiny rabbit cleaning its face.

“Oh, I would love to go back to teaching,” Reed says dramatically, “but then there will be no one looking after my precious Bunsbuns and he’ll succumb. I can’t let that happen.”

“This is so sad,” Kurusu suddenly whispers, his warm breath tickling your ear. “Alexa, play Despacito.”

You choke on your saliva, fighting the laughter that crashes over you like a tidal wave. To chide him, you push your elbow in his side until he finally leans back, but you don’t miss the little, content smile on his lips. He didn’t notice you spacing out, did he? If this was his attempt to make your feel better, it’s good but the fact that he saw through you and tried to comfort you in the first place leaves you with an undefinable feeling that sits heavy like a stone in your stomach. Until the Q&A ends you try not to think too much about his presence behind you.

When it’s finally over and you spill outside onto the night life of Jinbocho, it’s still full of people strolling around. You stretch until your backbone cracks and with that breathing feels a little easier. The harsh neon light of shops and advert signs hurts your eyes and you can’t wait to reacquaint your face with your pillow. But before you can promise your body the sweet bliss of sleep, it demands to be feed when you reach the subway station filled with the smell of fried food and freshly baked bread. Kurusu follows your eyes and points at a food stand selling yakisoba.

“Want some?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for your response, already heading for it. You’re thinking really hard about whether you have some coins in your wallet when Kurusu orders two servings and pays both. Instead of waiting for your protest (that won’t come because you won’t complain about free food), he pushes the warm container in your hands.

“Are you an angel?” you ask, digging in and your stomach thanks you by not eating itself.

Kurusu adjusts his glasses, nodding solemnly. “It hurt pretty bad when I fell from heaven.”

“And so modest as well.”

Slowly you make your way underground, arriving a few minutes before your train to Yongen-Jaya reaches the station. After stuffing your mouth with food and staring at the destination board, a great idea comes to your mind.

“Wait, you’re living in Yongen-Jaya, right? We could start meeting at your place instead of that shabby cafe,” you suggest, already searching for your phone in your pocket to note down his address. Kurusu pulls at the bangs falling into his eyes, staring intently at an advertisement about a movie coming out in a couple of months.

“Actually, that’s where I live.”

“What?”

“The cafe. There’s an attic above it, and that’s where I live.”

“Oh, okay.” The award for being rude goes to you, you want to thank your friends, not your family— “Okay, cool. So is Mr. Sakura your uncle?”

A tiny snort leaves Kurusu as he drops his hand and shoves it back into his pocket. You wonder if he just doesn't know where to put his hands and hiding them is just easier. “Just call him Boss. And no he isn't, but he is looking after me. Sort of.”

“And your parents are rolling with it?” you ask, too late to realise how indelicate of a question that is. What if he doesn’t have parents? Or they can’t see him because of some serious issues? And just like you expected it, his answer is short, terse. “Yeah.”

Congratulations, now you’ve made it even more awkward. You walk side by side, the silence setting heavy around you while people pass you, merrily chatting and you wish you could dial back time to avoid that unpleasant moment. You pick at your food and watch him out of the corner of your eyes, noticing that he doesn’t seem to be hungry himself. After the train arrives and you both manage to grab a seat, Kurusu saves you both from further embarrassment and awkward silence. “We could go to your place though,” he says, giving you a quick side glance, but immediately avoids eye contact when you look back, calculating how serious he is about it.

You raise both eyebrows, using the let’s-make-fun-of-it-to-save-face-method you’re unrivalled at. “How about you invite me to dinner first?”

Kurusu looks from his meal to yours, then up to your face and raises an eyebrow in return. Damn, he's good.

“Noope, it has to be something fancy with a waiter and those ridiculously tiny, overpriced entrees.”

Kurusu has his phone out faster than a paparazzi seeing a celebrity wearing a tutu and twerking on the open street. “When and where?” Now he’s putting all seriousness he can muster in that gaze, it’s heavy on you but you can’t help and laugh, waving your hand around in a generally considered we-both-are-definitely-joking-gesture. You hope he is joking.

“Never mind. Leblanc is actually nice, and I get free coffee.”

Kurusu nods and puts his phone away, trying really hard to not look upset, and his face is doing a splendid job, but his body betrays him. You want to tell him that maybe in two or three years he can try again, joking of course (are you though?), and luckily you are refrained from thinking more about that when you reach Yongen-Jaya. The empty food container lands in the trash bin when you leave the station. With a lot less people around to bump into, this district feels like a different world. There’s a quiet, underlying hum of activity hiding in the narrow alleys but it doesn’t feel like a beast seconds away from pouncing you with promotional offers or shop invitations. The hasty city rollercoaster slows down to a pleasant boat tour on a shallow river, carrying you to safe shore. That is until your phone goes off in a very specific tune that makes your blood freeze. Immediately, you turn away from Kurusu, the little smile on your face when he was telling you what he thought most interesting about the reading dying. Without looking at the display, you accept the call.

“What do you want?”

You mother sighs at the other end but does a good job at acting indifferent. “Hello to you, too. I was wondering when you’ll show up again.”

The titled grin on your face feels like a straight cut made by a blunt knife. “How about not at all?”

“Stop being so immature,” your mother snaps, then clears her throat to regain composure. “Your father and I have been talking about the situation and are willing to come to a consensus. Will you behave?”

There’s a bunch of other stuff you’d rather do like reach into your phone, and curl your fingers around her throat. Instead you lower your voice. “If this is you trying to make peace, you really suck at it.”

There’s a sharp inhale. You know how much your mother hates swearing; or rather pretty much everything that doesn’t suit into her notion of a perfect, conservative family— oh, the things your parents do to appear flawless, better than anyone— You catch movement in the corner of your eyes. Kurusu shifts his weight away from you, his attention lying on something in a shop window but again his body is making it quite obvious that he’s listening into your conversation.

“— ceasefire at best,” your mother’s words carry to your end, and you focus back to the problem at hand, unfortuantely completely unable to deal with it.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll call you back,” you say, and without waiting for her reply you end the call. Kurusu has still his back to you, so you join him and look through the brightly lit glass to see what is holding his fake-attention.

“Sooo you’re into crossdressing?” you say, checking out the frilly, pink maid outfit that adverts its suitability for both genders. Kurusu gives a thoughtful hum, but his focus settles on you. For a second you worry he might actually ask you about the phone call, but when Kurusu starts heading towards Leblanc he asks you out of nowhere, “Are you interested in arts?”

As you squint up at him, you think about a way for him to lead his questions somehow to your phone call with that starting point. You really are paranoid. “I mean it’s pretty, right? But that’s about all I can say.”

“Yeah, it’s nice,” Kurusu agrees. “I’ve met someone who’s really passionate about it. An artist.”

“Okay.” What else is there to say? “And?”

Kurusu shrugs. “Just making small talk.”

“Dodging my question, huh,” you joke. Kurusu manages a little, half-hearted smile. It makes you wonder if there is something specific he is expecting out of this all, something that exceeds your tutor-student deal in a way you can’t decipher yet.

“The reading was really interesting, so thanks for inviting me,” he says after you turn into the narrow alley leading to Leblanc, its orange light the only warm source on the neon lit walkway.

“Who knows, maybe I’ll see you in one of the psychology classes in two years.”

“I’m not sure if that’s possible.” There’s a smile on his face, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

Frowning, you try to get a better look if it’s just the lights playing a trick on you. “Why shouldn’t it be? If you’re really into it, nothing should stop you from following that dream.” Oh God, now you sound exactly like Narukami.

Kurusu considers your words, tugging at bangs falling into his eyes. “I mean, I may not be the one who gets to decide that in the end.” Another ambiguous statement. Again, you think about Kurusu’s parents, and wonder what events led him to live in an attic away from home.

Eventually, you end up in front of the entrance. Behind the windows, you can see Boss cleaning cups and occasionally looking at the TV screen. The view is blocked when Kurusu takes a step forward.

“Thanks again for today,” he says. “Next time, I'll think of somewhere to go.”

“Bold of you to assume there’s a next time.”

Kurusu looks like a kicked puppy, but quickly recovers with a slightly crooked smile. “Fortune favours the bold.”

“She’s also a fickle friend.”

Kurusu presses his lips into a thin line, probably thinking about a witty comeback. But then he succumbs to a yawn forcing its way out of him.

“You really shouldn’t stay up too late, you know,” you propose. “I mean it’s Sunday tomorrow, but don’t make the same mistake as me. Sleep is important, you know.”

“Yes, mom.”

“No, really! And you better be prepared for tomorrow and do your homework or I’ll think about a nasty task for you.”

“Yes, teach.”

“Go in already, Kurusu. You’re not funny at all.”

He smiles, but it’s tired. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that he disappears into the cafe, and you’re left to return to your own home where no one greets you with a little smile and a warm cup of coffee. Only the run down walls in an empty, cold room wait for your return.

[siren-virus]

There's some stuff that has been going around in my head regarding Luckuboy!AU, so I'll just dump everything here and see how you might adapt/change/evolve some of these ideas, or don't use any of them since that's perfectly valid too and it's your au, not mine :3 anyways, this is a long idea that can be divided, so I'll do just that and make a paragraph for each sub-idea.

1) Ben's daily schedule: Ben most likely has a morning schedule in the coffee shop, and as such he would get to work early, now idk how they work, but I imagine Ben's day to day life would go something like this: Ben's alarm goes off at 7:00, he wakes up and leaves bed at 7:15, breakfast and shower before arriving at work at 8:00 (do shops open at 8:00? 8:30? idk :V), keep working until 16:00 with lunchtime tucked in the middle, hang out with friends/relax/naps until 20:00, start his own vigilante work until 2:00, where he goes to sleep and repeats. If his patrol is slow then he would go home earlier to sleep more, if it's hectic and he doesn't get enough sleep, then the afternoon/evening would be used in powernaps.

2) Ben the info brooker, I imagine that Ben would eventually get to know a lot, and I mean A LOT, of information about everyone and everything important that's going on in Undertown (which, considering the situation of Earth and the Plumbers, is probably the only alien world center, would be everything), and when he hears of someone having some kind of trouble, he gives them a nudge in a certain direction for them. Eventually word gets out that there's a new information brooker in town that has scarily accurate info, he works at a coffee shop and you better give him a big tip if you don't want some of your info to get out fast (how real this info is nobody knows, and since Ben hasn't heard of it he can't correct them)

2.5) One day Argit appears and asks for a coffee under a different name, when it's ready Ben calls for him (he used a fake name) and writes with an alcohol marker on the cup "Argit", scaring the hell out of him. "How did you know?" "I'd be shitty at what I do if I couldn't recognize you *wink*", then he tells him that as long as they do nothing dangerous near him he won't tattle him and Kevin to the Plumbers, or worse, Gwen. "Don't you dare" says Argit aghast, "Try me bitch" answers Ben grinning, almost double daring him into doing something dangerous only so he can call his cousin and set up a date

3) The coffee made in the shop is delicious, caters to every species needs, alergies, likes and dislikes, and everyone agrees that the place is the best of the best in the whole world for these reasons and more; thus the shop has been a tentative neutral zone for years, however the lack of "people" (idk what word to use that captures everyone, human or alien) that knows how to fight there has severly dampened the opportunity of it becoming one. Cue Ben beggining to work there, in the beggining it's nothing special, he's just a human who makes good coffee and is surprisingly charming, come a few weeks and months and everyone starts noticing how he's the infamous information brooker that has been the talk of Undertown, thus gathering a bit more attention. Eventually someone (Plumber, civilian, villain, whatever you choose) is more rude to him than needed and tries to get some info from him, even if it's by force... Ben decks him, like, he kicks their ass, defenestrates them, break a chair on them and hands them unconcious to the closest Plumber, bleeding and all while still being intact himself. Everyone glares in awe at the show of badassery and oficially the coffee shop becomes the new true neutral zone, where everyone can get coffee, exchange information and form unlikely friendships. Whenever someone tries to mess with the shop, if Ben isn't present, is busy or it's too much for him, everyone else, Plumber, villain and civilian joins him in defending the shop and getting rid of the nuisancess that mess with the shop.

4) With all the info that Ben gets both as a barista and as a vigilante, one would think that he would give everything out as long as you paid the prize, but surprisingly he has a strong code that he never breaks. If he EVER learns that a piece of information he has with himself is considered confidential, then he'll never speak about it with anyone, no matter how much they offer to pay him. He can't answer for the ones who talks about this info in the shop without saying in any moment that the info is supposed to be confidential, he can't read minds, but everyone catches on fast on this, and some say the keyword when talking in the coffee shop. However many still forget about it once in a while, since the calm atmosphere of the shop is too powerful and slip up often happen. Still Ben can't be blamed, how is he supposed to know if some piece of info is confidential if no one ever says it is? Again, he's not a mindreader nor a telepath.

5) Any info on his vigilante persona he never gives out, however it's not because of not wanting to give out any of that info, but rather because another part of his code is "If I haven't heard people talk about something, then I don't know information about it. All my info is second hand, so unless someone else already knows about it, I won't know about it". That can come in very handy considering the surprisingly little info there is about his vigilante persona out there, despite how famous he kinda is. This more often than not drives Jimmy mad.

Love brainstorms, hate the alien.

1) Most cafes open at 7am from my knowledge, 9am if you're in a sleepy town, so it'd be more like a 6am wake up, optional breakfast- (who eats breakfast these days?), straight to the cafe around 7ish to help with cleaning and setting up for the day.

This cafe is more of a 24/7 place. With 24/7 breakfast! (don't you hate it when places stop doing breakfast at a certain hour?)

Apart from that love what ya got there.

As for the vigilante side, he starts whenever is easiest, it's all dependent if things are hectic or not. Sun goes down roughly 7PM (pretty late I know, but where I live (during summer at least), sun won't go down til 9PM). Sometimes he finishes at 2AM, sometimes a few minutes before work (Incoming animatic!)

2) Love everything about that too! I'd like to think Ben has no idea about it at first, he just notices some days the tip jar is fuller than others. He chocks it up to his charming personality. But eventually he catches on.

Another thing to add, at some point if people wanted to get info from Ben they'd order a "whipped caramel latte with icing sugar, honey, and salt" (gross) Ben has no idea of this, but the weird amount of customers ordering that and asking for intel, kinda makes him think about it.

2.5) This!! good shit right here! Except, you can't call a customer a bitch, trust me... Karen's and Kevin's exist in all shapes, sizes and forms. So Ben uses the kill them with kindness, customer service attitude.

Additionally, sometimes Kevin, although rarely, comes by, hovers around the counter. He'll order a coffee and glare at Ben until, he gets his attention.

"You staring at me for a reason?"

"I need to know about Gwen 10."

Of course, at this Ben would grin devilishly and respond with, "Oh, you wanna take her on date? She loves sappy romance movies, she's also a nerd, so get her a math book instead of flowers."

That always shuts Kevin up, makes him leave most occasions.

3) Everything about this is just!!! Love it. Wouldn't change a thing.

4) Yes yes!!Sometimes, a customer will demand classified info (those that aren't initiated to how the cafe works). When Ben refuses to squawk this can lead to some shouting from a customer sometimes, which leads to a coworker, or a regular shoeing the nasty customer away. Ben can hold his own against most people, as a human, but sometimes they're just a little too big or a little too tough to be able to defend himself against.

5) I like that a lot too.

I also like to think that sometimes, if Ben wants to mess with someone, especially Jimmy. He'll slip a piece of information out that no one else knows.

"I heard from a plumber, that the vigilante guy likes smoothies- specifically [insert favourite smoothie flavour of the week]"

Cue Jimmy buying several of that smoothie to try and lure Luckyboy (still haven't thought of a namee!!!) out. It works, and Ben gets free smoothies almost every week.

This could backfire immensely though.

Woo, sorry about the delay there, been working a few shifts. Work is kicking my ass as usual...

[ineffablefool]

Hi!

Love your work and your page and just you on general.

I'm having some inner turmoily feelings lately.

I am fat, I know this isnt a bad thing and that I'm not a bad person for this.

I also know it Is not unattractive nor am i unattractive for it.

I argue with fatphobes, educate on fatphobia, spread body positivity as much as possible.

I need to lose *some* weight. I am starting to have pain in my feet, knees, I have trouble bending and kneeling for my job. I get extremely hot and humid in the summer heats and it gets miserable.

I want to/need to lose *some* weight.

But it makes me feel like by doing so I'll be eating any of the good words/things I've spread about body positivity and weight.

My spouse is wanting us to do a weight loss shake/regime again that we did it previously (and it worked until we stopped using it).

It would work great but it feeds into the diet industry stuff I hate.

I just feel so mixed up about all of it and I know you're safe.

Hope you're doing well darling.

First of all, here are some hearts. 💜💜💜💜

Second of all... thank you for trusting me to be safe. It makes sense to me that you feel mixed up about this, because you have competing messages/priorities coming from different sides. There isn't any perfect answer, I don't think, because this universe has a number of design flaws. But I can throw another perspective in and see whether that can provide a little clarity.  (While doing my best to keep being safe, because that’s more of a constant action than an achieved quality.)

I honestly take a lot of the fat-positive stuff I say on here from Ragen Chastain's blog -- I don't read it regularly anymore because at some point I stopped almost all my regular readings at once, but I checked just now and she's still blogging. It can be a hard read sometimes, because it'll tell you about instances of public fatphobia that you had previously been blissfully unaware of, but it's also crammed full o'resources. And there are topics which she comes back to repeatedly, because it's become relevant again or there's new information or just because it's been a while and there will be new people who haven't seen it yet; and one of those repeats is the question of whether any given health concern or bodily discomfort needs to be solved with weight loss.

When thin people have painful joints, they can seek physical therapy. The secret is that PT works for fat people, too. Thin people might have difficulty standing or walking for too long, and need to exercise to increase muscle or physical endurance -- and that works for fat people, too. Thin people can find ways to increase their flexibility through things like yoga, and... ...well. There is a pattern here.

A weight-first health paradigm, only for fat people, can convince us that all those other tools just... don't exist. Alternately, maybe they're just not for us, not until we can turn ourselves from fat people to thin people... except something like a half-century of science says there is no reliable safe way to make that thing happen. (Also, they had damn well better be for us too, because I don't think I need to explain how disgusting it is to withhold entire classes of medical intervention from one statistically-speaking-immutable demographic group but give it freely to a contrasting demographic.)

Which doesn't mean I'm telling you that physical therapy or yoga or a gentle program of endurance-increasing activities will solve all your problems. I want to make sure they're in your toolkit, though. Maybe someone took out all your hammers and replaced them with screwdrivers. Well, here's some hammers back. Can you just decide to use a screwdriver anyway? Sure you can. Whatever's the right tool for the job.

(Tbh I don't know what to do about the heat. I am a baby about heat. If it's more than about 70 degrees I start complaining.)

As for the shake regime... it doesn’t surprise me that it worked while you were on it.  Replace enough actual nutritious food with whatever-the-hell those are made of, and you can probably do all sorts of exciting things to your body.  But like you said, it works until you stop using it, and once you go back to actual food (y’know, what's generally considered best when it's local, farm-to-table, fresh, minimally processed, all the stuff that’s apparently just great for thin people but we fat people need to consume nothing but diet shakes and super-processed prepackaged dinners because Health)... well, then it stops working.

There’s also the drum I just keep on beatin’, which is that sustained significant weight loss, statistically speaking, is not possible.  There are many, many scientific studies whose data shows that you are just as likely (sometimes more likely, depending on the study) to end up fatter than when you started.  So if the goal is “weigh less”, then, again statistically speaking, intentional weight loss attempts will not result in success.  (Don’t go by the study’s conclusion, go by the results.  It’d take me forever to find it, but there was a study where the data-driven results section backed up exactly what I’m saying, but in the unsourced conclusion section, they still wrote that they recommend attempted intentional weight loss.  Science(TM)!)

If your spouse is the type to be swayed by an appeal to logic, then you could do worse than to start here.  It’s a plain-language summation of various research, including two specific studies referenced at the bottom.  One of those studies is a huge synthesis of, if I am counting correctly, over three hundred different papers (the other is also a synthesis but I didn’t count references there).  Just to steal half of one paragraph from the synthesis study,

At the individual level, many weight loss studies demonstrate short-term success at reducing weight. However, critics argue that such studies generally suffer from a range of methodological problems including small sample sizes, underrepresentation of men, limited generalizability, a lack of blinded ascertainment of the outcome, a lack of data on adherence to assigned diets, and a large loss to follow-up (Simons-Morton, Obarzanek, & Cutler, 2006). Furthermore, critics argue that most weight loss trials do not have long-term follow-up, and so the results over the subsequent 2 to 5 years, when weight gain is most likely to occur, are largely unreported (Robison & Carrier, 2004). Where these results have been reported, weight loss programs have a long-term (2 to 5 years) failure rate of up to 95% (Gaesser, 2000; Mann et al., 2007). Weight loss is not only almost impossible for most people to maintain, but attempted weight loss strongly predicts weight gain (Lowe et al., 2006; Neumark-Sztainer, Wall, Story, & Standish, 2012; Pankevich, Teegarden, Hedin, Jensen, & Bale, 2010; Pietilainen, Saarni, Kaprio, & Rissanen, 2012; Stice, Presnell, Shaw, & Rohde, 2005). Between one third and two thirds of people who lose a substantial amount of weight on a dietary-based weight loss program will regain all the lost weight and more within 5 years (Mann et al., 2007)

The two of you can absolutely try this regime again, or another one.  It might be that this time, you are among the lucky few for whom it works -- because yes, in rare cases, intentional weight loss attempts do work.  They mostly don’t, though.  And you can search in the studies linked from that page I linked earlier for “weight cycling” to see just how healthy it is to keep trying in the hopes that this time, this time, you’ll be the lucky one.

Golly that was long.  I also don’t know how useful it was, wonderful anon, but I do know that I wish you a very good rest of your week.

[amane-by-together]

Blue Hour || Amane Yugi pt. 3/5

(Amane Yugi x Fem! Reader)

genre: romance, drama and a bit of fantasy

summary: amane and [name] stopped communicating after the pen pal project

“When we lost each other.”

The quarter felt like a shooting star, it was fast in a blink of an eye. As the late night calls stopped and so as the letters.

Amane laid down on his bed, staring at the messages that he and [name] exchanged. Something was weird, it's been a week since they chatted after the pen pal project was over.

Though, he doesn't want to assume that he has been ghosted, yet the situation is the same. Not being able to receive messages from the person Amane likes, it's definitely ghosting.

Amane stayed up all night, not because of star gazing, his honey amber eyes had lost their shine and looked like a zombie with eyebags forming under his eyes.

She disappeared like a ghost.

“You disappeared for an instant, like a faint ghost, you disappeared.”

Amane felt his eyes brimming with tears, he didn't get used to it, it's like being alone again. He never met [name], yet why was he crying for her?

‘This is not supposed to happen right? You're not supposed to fall for your pen pal Amane.’ the voice inside his very own head told him.

‘She's just a pen pal, Amane. Nothing special, you shouldn't cry about her.'

'It's all gone'

‘Don't disappear now, I'm searching for you’

‘It felt like the summer was winter without you.’

‘It's all gone, now. It's over.’

“Now I just missed you...” Amane choked back a sob. His heart was clenching making it difficult to breathe. It felt like he was having an anxiety attack, he wanted to make the feeling disappear.

Now that [name] was gone.

He wanted to disappear as well.

Amane hugged his knees hunched over while lying down. His phone was the only source of light inside the room since the moon isn't there when he needed.

Just like he needed [name].

But the thing is,

She nowhere.

She's gone.

Amane doesn't know what to do.

It's all gone.

“Whoah Yugi, you okay bud?” Yamabuki sat next to the young boy who was staring into space, his eyes were sore from crying and his eyebags are turning darker. “You look wasted man.”

“Yeah, I'm okay.” Amane smiled, even though he was hurting and grieving inside. To everyone it looked like it was the brightest smile, but in reality it was fake.

“No you're not, Amane-kun.” Yashiro interrupted, crossing her arms in front of Amane. She placed a hand on his shoulder, looking at him reassuringly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Truth to be told, Amane does need someone to talk with. He's been bottling up all his tears and suffering because of [name]'s sudden disappearance. His smile faltered, casting down to his desk and nodded gravely. Yashiro grabbed his hand before dragging him out to class.

“I thought you liked [name]?!” Yamabuki yelled out.

Yashiro stopped as the two of them arrived on the rooftop. Amane's shoulders slumped a little bit. “So tell me what's going on?” she asked.

Amane was silent for a while, he felt his eyes watering. Yashiro wrapped an arm around his shoulder, telling him to calm down before he can tell her.

And so he did, starting from the day he learned that [name] was his pen pal, to the epiphany of falling for [name]. Yashiro listened, nodding on every word he says. “Maybe it's a sign that you two should meet?”

“Huh?” Amane rubbed his eyes using his hands. “What do you mean?”

“I've read this somewhere in books!” Yashiro tells Amane with a smile on her face. “I always see this kind of plot, and it is time to apply it to the two of you!”

“The two of you are some sort of soulmates!”

Amane squinted his eyes in disbelief at Yashiro, a typical someone who doesn't believes in soulmates and then they meet in some point for plot purposes. After Yashiro had elaborated the term soulmate, she bids goodbye on Amane because she promised Aoi that they will go on a "date" together.

Amane saw her figure slowly going away from him, but he didn't try to call her back or even yell that he used to like Yashiro. Besides, the young boy already had fallen for [name] and was foolish for trusting his intuition that he wouldn't.

He gave a one last glance at the sky before going back inside to his respective classroom.

“Come on Minamoto-kun, beat Tsukasa-senpai up!” Mitsuba encouraged Kou who was randomly pressing the buttons of his controller whilst his electric blue eyes remain glued on screen. Tsukasa, his opponent, was concentrating really hard to win the video game.

Amane was sitting on his swivel chair, reading [name]'s last letter before the project's end. He was reading it for like...fifteen times already.

“Senpai, you've been staring at that letter for a while...” Kou worriedly pointed out. Tsukasa told him to leave him for a while since he was on a state of singularity.

Amane puts down the letter and sighed heavily. The three of them went over to the older twin to see what was going on. “Not gonna lie that pen pal is creative as hell.” Mitsuba remarked. “Anyways, may I see the letter?”

Amane nodded as he handed the pink haired boy the letter. Mitsuba carefully unfolded the letter and started to read. He grabbed the envelope and started to examine it. Mitsuba notices from the back of the envelope, a slightly peeled off paper. “Hey, Yugi-senpai,” he called. “I think there's a post card stuck on the back of the envelope.”

Kou scrunches his nose. “They probably didn't mean to stick the post card and paint it to camouflage it—”

“Okay who has long nails here?” Amane sighed as he looked at his cutted nails. “I recently cut mine.”

Mitsuba peeled off the postcard from the envelope with ease. He gave the post card faced down to Amane. As Amane receives the card, he flipped it up and saw something that made his stomach drop.

It was the ferris wheel that Amane saw in his dream along with the unfamiliar girl. The question is, what does the ferris wheel have to do with that? “A ferris wheel?” Tsukasa asked.

“This is the ferris wheel I saw in my dream last time—” Amane let out a shaky breath and pointed at the ferris wheel. “There was this girl who appears in my dream two times in different places. One with the carousel and the recent one is this ferris wheel on the post card.”

“Hm? I heard this one from an article that dreaming about a ferris wheel means that you don't want interruptions when you're excited.” Kou explained. “A carousel is a symbol of childish joy, which means that you don't want to forget in the past.”

“Then how about that unfamiliar girl?” Mitsuba asked.

“She could be someone from a past life?”

“If a carousel symbolizes as childhood happiness does that mean that girl was linked to you as a child?”

“I didn't even have a female childhood friend.” Amane crosses his legs. “Besides even if that girl was my childhood friend I wouldn't be able to recognize her.”

“Do you have any information about [name]-san, anyways?” Tsukasa asked.

“She goes to Sanaol Academy, which was far from here.” Amane answered monotonously. “It'll take a subway to go there.”

“How do you know then?” Kou asked.

“I researched her school online, and it was an all girls school.” Amane wetted his lips while brushing his hair back using his fingers. “It's a four hour ride—”

“Four hours?!” Tsukasa, Kou and Mitsuba yelled in disbelief. The three looked at each other and nodded as they knew what they're thinking. Amane raised a perfect brow at them, then looking at the post card on his hand. “That's just—”

“Hold up.” Amane raised his hand to stop them from talking. “The post card that Mitsuba peeled recently, there's something that was written on the back of the envelope.”

There are dots and dashes on the back of the envelope. It is some sort of morse code. Mitsuba thought it was kinda extra since they could've just say the actual letters instead of encoding the message for minutes.

The four of them spent hours to encode the morse, Amane leaned back to his swivel chair as he wiped a sweat from his forehead. “So what does it say?” Tsukasa asked.

Mitsuba and Kou looked over to Amane's shoulder to see the message along with Tsukasa.

“You and me in 5:53 at the ferris wheel...?” Amane says as if it was a question. He turned his head towards the four and gave them a lazy but determined smile. “How would you three like a bonding trip to find [name]?”

“I'm in!” Kou smiled whilst showing both of his canines and pointed at himself. “I'm totally in for some trip!”

“I guess I'll come too.” Mitsuba blew a raspberry and shrugged. “Only because I'm bored as hell.”

“If Amane's going then I'm going too!” Tsukasa wrapped his arms around his older twin causing the latter to elicit an 'oof' from his lips.

“Well that makes us four then. We'll go tomorrow.” Amane tells them.

“Tomorrow?” Mitsuba asked. “What time?”

“Since [name] said to meet at 5:53 pm by the ferris wheel, which wasn't specifically mentioned where and what, I guess we'll ride at dawn.” Amane looked at his laptop and started to peck the keyboard using his fingers. “When we arrive at Sanaol Academy, we'll ask for directions for the ferris wheel from the post card.”

“I have a theory though,” Kou tells him. “It could be a possibility that [name] is the person in your dreams.”

Then it clicked him into epiphany, why didn't he thought of that before? But again, Amane has no idea what [name] looked like anyways. He shouldn't be jumping in to conclusions that fast. Just because the girl who keeps appearing in his dreams doesn't mean it's already [name].

[name].

Amane lets out an exaggerated sigh from his lips and slouched against the swivel chair. He really did miss [name]'s company, even if it's just letters and texts.

Who knows, maybe tomorrow during their trip, they will meet. Amane makes sure of it, he wanted to see [name].

He wanted her to know how much he misses her after they lost each other. He can't go on.

Not without her.