#but I’m thinking about the choices I’ve made

[lieslab]

And at last I see the light

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Minho X gn reader

Summary: Half-delirious and sick, you randomly tell Minho about your dream proposal and he takes notes.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2.5K

A/N: I'm sappy and emotional. This was definitely inspired by Tangled. What can I say? I'm just a girl who cries easily and thinks about love a lot. Can a girl not ponder? Anyway, if you get choked up at proposals, grab a tissue or two.

_ _ _

The simple conversation was so long ago that you forgot about it. It was a brief moment in passing, just another random conversation, but Minho didn’t forget it. In fact, he’d been planning since then. 

“If I were to propose to you, where would you want it and how would you want it done?” 

The two of you were on opposite ends of the couch. Your body was heavy with the weight of a random stomach bug. Through the stomach aches and nausea, you were fading in and out of consciousness. Minho wanted to take you to your shared bed, but you refused. Too worried about making him sick, you opted to stay on the couch. 

Every time he came close to you, you stubbornly held your breath and threatened to make yourself pass out. It was dramatic, but it wasn’t unusual for you, you always were. Too afraid of giving him the same bug, you did your best to keep your distance. 

You didn’t get the exact wish you were hoping and praying for. At some point, you fell asleep and he covered you in a thick fleece blue blanket. A kiss was planted to the top of your sleeping temple before he strolled back over to the couch. He curled up on the other side and kept an eye on you. 

The television was already on, but he twitched the show to something silly with cartoon characters. You needed your rest and he didn’t want you to wake up and stress out your brain by trying to follow along with a half-over plot. He picked out the most childish show and let it play. 

When you woke up, you awoke to dancing shadows and the gentle vibrations of the leather couch. Across the way, Minho couldn’t help, but laugh at something that a character said. He grinned and kept his eyes on the flickering screen. 

You caught his attention when you sleepily uttered his name. He quickly lowered the volume, got up, and rushed to get you water. You still refused to let him be too close, so all he could do was keep his distance and observe your stubborn self. 

The conversations didn’t have a steady theme. He talked about one thing and then another. You jumped from topic-to-topic with him. You were about ready to fall asleep again when he asked you that question. 

“Tangled,” you mumbled. 

His eyebrows pinched together and he studied your face. Your sleepy eyes were half-lidded and a yawn tugged your mouth into a small o-shape. A smile grew on half of his face and he asked for clarification. 

“The scene where Rapunzel and Flynn are in the gondola with the flying lanterns.” 

“What about it?” 

“Maybe not the gondola, but with the flying lanterns.” You nuzzled your head back against the cool leather. “I’ve always thought they were beautiful. It’d be the perfect memory.” 

“You think so?” 

“I know so, but you can’t propose to me when I’m sick. I don’t feel good and I think I’d throw up on your shoes. I think the lights would somehow make me nauseous.” 

“You poor, poor thing,” he teased you. 

“Mmhm. Poor me.” Your eyes slipped shut and you let out a sigh. He watched you slowly drift back to sleep with the cartoons long forgotten about. His brain went into overdrive that night. 

Loving Minho was the easiest choice you ever made. From his quick wit to his loudness, it was the best choice. Not a single soul could compare and it was something you tried not to take for granted. 

Whether it was arguing about who deserved the last pudding, or sitting in silence while Minho laid on your lap, your love was so simple. Life went on and the conversation erased from your brain, but it didn’t stop you from having moments when you watched him with a soft fondness. 

Your body relaxed and inside your chest, your heart stuttered as your brain tried to capture those little moments. Sometimes, it was as simple as him leaning over the stove and stirring whatever dish he was trying to make. Other times, it was when he was bare faced and stretched out on the couch with one of his cats upon his lap. 

His messy hair poked out in every direction from running his hand through it. After dance practice, his muscles ached and he just wanted to sit down and take a bit of time to relax. You usually joined him and crept over, snuggling beneath his arm to keep him warm. He’d whine and complain of your sudden presence, but he never pulled away. 

He liked when you wrapped your arms around his torso and pressed a soft kiss against the side of his neck. Just as you grew fond of him, he grew smitten with you. He joked that his love for you was like a pesky bunion that just wouldn’t go away. 

Meanwhile, you compared it to wild mushrooms. You could try to stop loving him, but the love would keep sprouting up. Just when you thought there was nothing more to love, you’d turn your back for a brief moment and glance back to find another thing to love; another mushroom sprouted through damp soil. 

Everything was warm and bright. In your eyes, everything was right and as the days turned into weeks, when those weeks burrowed into months, and began to roll into years, Minho knew he had you forever. He was going to take advantage of your sleepy-sick state and put his plans into action one day, but it never seemed like the right time. The two of you were always busy and time kept going, your love was an endless sea, but he wanted to make it truly official. 

That wish came true when spring unveiled itself. With the chirping birds and baby bunnies, there was finally going to be a lantern festival. Rejuvenation, rebirth, and earth’s restoration; the perfect time to take the next step in your relationship. 

“Wear something nice.”

“I always wear something nice.” 

“Your constant state of sweatpants and hoodies says otherwise.” 

“Fuck off!” 

He just wanted you to look back at the video and be content with what you were wearing. The lantern festival was a rarity and you already had your best outfit picked out. You went through the entire routine of making yourself look good and then put it on. 

It was a miracle that you didn’t notice the bouncing of his non-driving leg. He shifted in the seat a few times, but your nose was pressed against the passenger’s seat glass. You were going on and on about how excited you were for the festival, you always wanted to attend one. 

You were unaware that the fate of your relationship sat in a small square box in Minho’s pocket. The weight of it in his pocket wasn’t much, but tonight, it felt like the ring he picked out was a thousand pounds. He kept glancing over at you and imagining what your face would look like. If it was ugly, he would be sure to tease you about it. 

The two of you arrived twenty minutes before the lanterns were set to be released. Finding a parking space was difficult, but by some miracle, he managed to find an empty space to squeeze his car into. He grabbed your hand and headed to the area to grab a lantern. 

“Are you getting one too?” You asked, practically bouncing on the balls of your feet. 

“No, I just want to watch you light and release yours. You’ve been wanting this, right? It’s your night to shine.” 

“Well, yeah, but I thought you were going to do it with me.” You frowned and couldn’t hide the disappointment from your voice. 

“Just don’t worry about it, have your fun.” 

After grabbing the paper lantern with a tea light white candle tucked inside, Minho handed it to you. “Remember that you only get one wish, so use it well.” You playfully slapped his shoulder and took the lantern. 

“Maybe I should wish for you to stop being a pain in my ass.” 

“In your dreams.” 

With one hand on the lantern and one hand in Minho’s, you began to lead him through the thicket of people. It seemed like everyone wanted to light and release a lantern too. Maybe it was the same reason as you, people wanted to make a wish. For others, it was a way to remember specific people and other loved ones. 

No matter what the reason was, it made your heart swell with happiness. How human was it to long for peace? People had done this since the beginning of time and tonight wasn’t anything new. 

Little did you know, Minho’s friend was tracking his location. The location sharing app had the exact path they were taking. A few people away, he silently followed with quiet footsteps. In his hand, the phone that’d be used to catch the proposal. 

You wiggled through laughter and tears full of a yearning for loved ones. Tonight, no matter who was here, there was a sense of unity. You could feel the tethered string of your heart plucking at all the sights and sounds. 

When you finally found a spot on a slight grassy hill, the two of you were only near a handful of people. Minho glanced over his shoulder and found his friend’s face in the reflection of a phone light. His friend quickly clicked off his phone, so he could stay hidden in the dark blanket of night.

“How do you feel?” Minho asked. 

“I’m so excited!” You grinned. “I’ve always wanted to do something like this. Ever since I watched Tangled for the first time, the floating lantern scene on the water has always been my favorite scene.” 

“I’m sorry that we’re not on water.” 

“Are you kidding me?” You scoffed. “Look at where we are! This is going to be so beautiful. It’s like we’re holding the stars tonight. For once, they won’t be in the sky, we’ll be capturing them and sending them back home.” 

He pressed his lips together, trying not to get sappy over how excited you were. You were like a little kid as you rambled. Even in the dark, a nearby street light lit up the excitement in your eyes. He’d seen you excited before, but this was something entirely different. 

His hand went into his pant’s pocket to make sure the ring was still there. His hand found the square leather box and his shoulders relaxed. He knew exactly how he’d do this, he was just hoping you’d say yes. 

After a few minutes of talking, your arm shot out and you pointed across the way. “Look! It’s starting! We can light our lantern!”

Our lantern. 

Minho said he wasn’t getting a floating lantern and instead of ignoring his words, you just assumed that the two of you could share the lantern instead. His heart ached with a love for you that he couldn’t understand sometimes. It was little things like that, it made him think he could love you until his heart gave out. 

He reached into his other pocket, held out a lighter, and handed it to you. You held up the lantern and he hesitated. It was only after you nodded that he flicked the flame to life. He placed it back in his pocket and behind him, his friend came closer to record the moment. 

“Come on, grab the lantern and make a wish.” 

“But it’s your lantern.” 

“Lee Minho, so help me, if you don’t grab on and make a wish with me...” 

Across the way, flickering yellows and oranges began to fly higher in the sky. He grabbed the other side of the lantern and together, the two of you raised it higher and higher. After your arms couldn’t stretch anymore, your fingers let go. 

You smiled as you watched it go further and further away. Above the people’s heads, above the buildings, and further and further into the night sky. Your eyes didn’t leave, even when it blended into a crowd of other lights. 

Awe and endearment flooded the area. Shouts of joy and flickers of laughter. No matter what people wished tonight, for once, it felt like it’d be okay. Whatever hurt and whatever harm had touched people’s lives, tonight was the start of something different. 

Every light had a story and each one was a flicker of hope. Into the air, into the sky, and over buildings. Tonight, you weren’t sure where your lantern would land, it’d be up to the universe to decide. 

“So what’d you wish for?” 

You began to spin around at the sound of Minho’s voice. “I wished for-” You gasped and a hand slammed over your mouth. A few feet away, Minho was down on one knee with a box holding a ring. 

“Are you joking?” Your voice wobbled as you spoke. An emotional lump was forming in your throat. Tears blurred your eyes. 

“Will you marry me?” 

“Seriously?” 

“Seriously.” 

“Yes. Yes. Yes!” You vigorously nodded as tears streamed down your cheeks. “A thousand times yes!” 

Before he could get up, you collapsed down beside him. He didn’t get a chance to speak because you threw your arms around his shoulders. You pressed your head into the side of his neck as a choked out sob fell from your lips. 

“Hey, hey, hey.” He wrapped his arms around you tightly. “Why are you crying?” 

“Because,” you weakly squeaked as you pulled away from his body. “This was my wish. I wanted our relationship to last forever.” 

“I guess we both got our wishes tonight. My wish was that you’d say yes.” He chuckled and wiped your tears away with his thumbs. “Can we get up now? I’d like to make it official and put a ring on it.” 

“You’re an idiot,” you mumbled as you pulled your arms away. You allowed him to help pull you up. Your hand stuck out and he began to stick a ring on your finger. 

“That might be true, but I’m your idiot.” He gently grabbed your ring finger and slid on the ring. “Now I’m your idiot forever. Come on, stop crying.” He wiped away more of your tears. 

“I can’t help it, I’ve always dreamed of this. How’d you know this is what I wanted? The floating lights and everything?” Your eyes searched his, but all he offered with a soft hum and a shrug. 

“Love is a mystery like that sometimes.” He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. “Come on,” he slowly turned you around. “Let's watch the lanterns, shall we?” An arm wrapped around your shoulders. 

With a final sniffle, you let your head lean against his shoulder. Everything was just as perfect as you’d imagine it to be. Nothing anyone could do would ever be able to top this moment.

Minho glanced over his shoulder and his friend gave him a thumbs up. He stopped the recording and disappeared back into the crowd of people. Tomorrow, Minho would make you watch the video and he’d tease you for your dramatic reaction. 

Tonight, you were just two people whose wishes came true beneath floating lanterns and that was enough for him. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

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[swappermanent]

Freckles (Part 3 - Grandpa's POV)

Life has changed a lot for me in the past nine months. You don’t realize just how much you miss about being young until you’ve got it back. I thought I had a good handle on things, swapping into Dylan every summer like clockwork. A week here, a week there—it was enough to scratch the itch, to remind me of what it felt like to have a strong back, quick reflexes, and boundless energy. But let me tell you, living in a young body for this long? It’s different. Night and day.

Kai—no, Theo now—was right. I’ll admit it. I was reluctant when he first said it to me, standing there in that smug stance of his, shirtless as always, grinning like he had the world figured out. “You clearly get a kick out of being in Dylan’s body,” he said, his tone dripping with knowing amusement. And damn if he didn’t have a point.

I hesitated back then, but looking at me now? I owe Theo a massive thank-you. Staying in Dylan’s body for longer than a week was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. For one thing, there’s a kind of freedom that comes with being young and I’ve been taking full advantage of it.

I live in Berlin now. Thanks to my little caveat—"Feel free to alter your body in any way you see fit during the year"—it was totally in bounds to do something like this. A new life, a fresh start. Berlin seemed like the obvious choice. The city practically begs you to reinvent yourself, to explore every side of who you are, no matter how deeply it’s been buried.

The real Dylan wasn’t thrilled about the move, but what could he do? We all already had Irish passports anyway, so it wasn’t like there were any logistical hurdles. He’ll get over it, I’m sure. Honestly, though, I think he’s secretly jealous.

Besides, this is the perfect place to explore my sexuality. Everyone here is so open—no judgment, no shame. I’ve had sex in all the clubs, even in the middle of Tempelhof Feld. Men, women—it doesn’t matter. And let me tell you, everyone wants my hog and body, which is in peak form.

But the best night I’ve had was one where I wasn’t taking the active role in the encounter.. I’d been getting into leather lately, exploring the scene and one night, I found myself at a warehouse party. Dim red lights, pounding music, the smell of sweat and leather mingling in the air. I was dressed for the occasion—harness, boots, nothing else.

That’s where I met them. A Swedish guy, tall and broad-shouldered, with blond hair and piercing eyes that pinned me in place. And a Bulgarian guy, muscular, his dark eyes smoldering with a confidence that left no room for argument. They didn’t ask; they just knew I would take it.

And I did.

They worked together like a symphony, positioning me between them with practiced ease. The Bulgarian was the first to push inside, his cock thick and unrelenting. I gasped, clutching at his shoulders as he filled me, stretching me in a way that felt like too much and just enough all at once. And then, the Swedish guy. His cock pressed against me, slick and insistent, until he slid in beside the first, my body opening up to take them both.

I’d never felt anything like it—the fullness, the weight of them moving in tandem, their rhythm so perfectly in sync it felt orchestrated. One of them reached around to stroke my cock, his grip firm and knowing, while the other’s hand moved to my chest, teasing my nipples until I was trembling. The pleasure was overwhelming, building in waves that crashed over me again and again, each one higher than the last.

When I finally came, it was like the entire world blurred out of existence. My cock pulsed in the Swedish guy’s hand, the orgasm tearing through me with a force that left me breathless. My legs nearly gave out, but they held me steady, their movements never faltering as they milked every last drop of pleasure from my body. By the time they finished, I was spent, my skin slick with sweat, my heart pounding like I’d run a marathon.

That night changed something in me. It wasn’t just the sex—it was the surrender, the freedom of letting go completely. Afterward, they helped me clean up, their touches surprisingly gentle, and we shared drinks at the bar, laughing and swapping stories like old friends.

And now? Well I think I’m officially a Berliner.

[bestruction]

The right incentives

Summary: Sasuke struggles with adapting to life after losing his arm, choosing not to accept a prosthetic made from Hashirama cells, as it would remind him of his past

Warnings: Suggestive, my crazy theories about this would medically work

Sasuke had never been one to complain openly, but adapting to life with one arm was harder than he let on. He had refused the prosthetic arm offered to him—the Hashirama cells were a reminder of the destruction he’d caused, and accepting it felt like an unearned privilege. He bore the struggle quietly, a penance he believed he deserved.

You respected his choice, even if it pained you. But moments like today made you wonder if the price of his decision was too high.

The two of you had gone to the market to restock on essentials. The Uchiha district was slowly regaining its spark, the result of countless hours you’d spent together breathing life into its empty streets and crumbling homes. Yet it still lacked the conveniences of the main village, which meant long walks and heavy bags on market days.

“I’ll take these,” you said, smiling as you grabbed several bags from the vendor.

Sasuke reached for the rest. His single hand worked methodically, but the strain showed in the slight furrow of his brow, the careful movements as he adjusted his grip. When you moved to help, he shook his head.

“I’ve got it,” he muttered, his voice low but firm.

You didn’t argue. Sasuke’s pride was an unspoken rule between you, but as you walked home, you couldn’t ignore the way his steps slowed or how his knuckles whitened against the handles.

By the time you reached the house, you couldn’t stand it any longer. Ignoring his protests, you gently took the bags from his hand.

“Let me help,” you said softly. “It’s not a big deal.”

His jaw tightened, frustration flickering in his dark eyes, but he didn’t stop you.

Later that evening, you found him sitting in the garden, the fading sunlight casting warm hues across his profile. His gaze was fixed on the sky, distant and unreadable. Quietly, you sat beside him, your shoulder brushing against his.

For a while, neither of you spoke. The silence was familiar, comfortable in its way, but heavy with words left unsaid.

“I know it bothers you,” you said at last, your voice gentle.

Sasuke’s shoulders tensed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sasuke.” You placed a hand on his knee, grounding him. “You don’t have to hide it from me. It’s okay to admit when something’s hard.”

He exhaled slowly, running a hand through his hair. “I chose not to accept the cells,” he said, his tone quiet but steady. “I don’t regret it. But there are moments... when it’s frustrating. When I feel—” He hesitated, the word catching in his throat. “Useless.”

Your chest tightened. “You’re not useless,” you said firmly, the words carrying every ounce of love you felt for him. “You’re human, Sasuke. You’ve already punished yourself enough. You deserve to live fully—to heal.”

His dark eyes flicked toward you, guarded but searching. “You think I should accept the arm.”

“I think you should let yourself have a life,” you said softly. “It’s not about whether you deserve it. It’s about moving forward. Not just surviving"

For a moment, he looked impossibly young, as if the weight of his past had finally settled on his shoulders. Then he looked away, his voice dropping to barely above a whisper. “I just don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck with half a man.”

Your heart ached at his words. You shifted closer, resting a hand against his knee and leaning forward to catch his gaze. “Sasuke,” you said, your voice steady and tender, “you’re the strongest, most capable person I know. Losing your arm doesn’t make you less. Not to me. Not to anyone who matters.”

He swallowed hard, the walls he so carefully built cracking just enough to let you in.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, your voice soft but steady.

His arm hesitated before resting lightly against your back. “You don’t have to apologize,” he said quietly, though his tone betrayed the vulnerability he rarely let show.

“I do. I didn’t mean to hurt you earlier—I just want to help. But I swear, it was never because I thought you couldn’t handle it, but think about what I told you, please"

His lips quirked in the faintest of smiles. “You’re stubborn.”

“And you love me for it,” you teased, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips.

“I do,” he whispered, pulling you closer.

It took him a while to mature the idea and a lot of your insistence. When he finally said he would accept it, you nearly felt your heart melting. You wanted him to heal completely from the wounds of his past, letting him blame himself for everything that passed didn't even pass on your mind.

Kakashi wasted no time in arranging for the best med-nin in Konoha to perform the delicate procedure. The process was no ordinary surgery; it was a fusion of advanced medical ninjutsu and intricate chakra manipulation, requiring precision that only a select few could achieve.

The day of the surgery was long and filled with an uneasy silence. You waited just outside the room, your heart pounding with every muffled instruction or chakra flare you sensed through the walls. Kakashi stayed with you, his presence a steady anchor. When your pacing grew restless, he gently urged you to sit, offering quiet reassurances.

But that wasn't the hardest part, the adaptation was.

The arm, though responsive, required Sasuke to recalibrate the balance of his chakra. Every movement—every muscle twitch—was a deliberate effort, his body relearning what had once been second nature.

Weeks later,  Sasuke’s mood was anything but serene. He stood in the middle of the open space, repeatedly tossing a training ball with his new arm, trying to get the motions to feel natural. The prosthetic responded sluggishly, too stiff at times and too loose at others. When the ball slipped from his grasp for the third time, rolling uselessly across the ground, frustration overtook him.

"Damn it," he muttered under his breath, throwing the ball hard against the nearby tree. It bounced back limply, mocking his effort.

Hearing the noise, you popped your head out from the doorway of the house. "Everything okay?" you asked, noticing the tight line of his jaw and the furrow of his brows.

Sasuke didn’t answer at first, but when you walked over and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, his tension eased just slightly. "It’s this arm," he finally said. "Maybe it's not working. The first hokage must be turning over in his grave since I got it."

You tilted your head, considering his words before reaching for his new arm. "May I?"

He looked at you, hesitating for a moment, then gave a slight nod.

You held his hand between yours, your touch warm and grounding. "Can you feel this?" you asked, your thumbs gently brushing over his fingers.

He swallowed. "Yes."

You smiled softly, stepping closer. "And this?" You pressed his hand against your cheek, letting it rest there for a moment.

His dark eyes searched your face, his breath hitching slightly. "Yeah," he said, his voice quieter now while he caressed your cheek softly.

Without breaking eye contact, you slid his hand to the curve of your neck, letting it linger there for a moment before guiding it down to your breasts. His breath caught when your fingers trailed his hand further to your waist, where you placed his other hand. Before you could say more, he guided you onto his lap, one arm wrapping around your back while his new hand rested securely on your hip. You giggled leaning your forehead on his, loving the way his onix eyes watched you so closely.

"Do you feel that, Sasuke?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, looking deep into his eyes while you moved your hips in a circle, letting his hands feel the motion. "I think it's working pretty well"

His gaze softened as his hands tightened instinctively on your waist, pulling you closer "Now that you mention it..."

You bit your lip feeling that sweet pressure that you knew so well between your legs "You’ll get used to it," you murmured, sliding your fingers into his hair. "You just need the right...incentives."

A smirk tugged at his lips despite himself. "Is that so?"

That damn smirk would be the death of you one day. He brushed his lips on yours, his hand slowly finding its way between your legs to push the thin cotton fabric of your underwear aside under your dress.

"Mm-hmm," you replied, leaning in to press a soft, lingering kiss to his lips.

"I think..." He mumbled in the kiss "We can try a different exercise for my fingers"

You giggled against his lips feeling your cheeks get warmer before his finger reached your clit "I'm here to help" 

[magical-reid]

The Mark of Us

Paring: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Word Count: 900

Prompt: 20: I could see the worst parts of you and still think you are the most beautiful person I’ve met.”

Summary: In the cold, shadowed Room of Requirement, Draco Malfoy confronts his darkest self, tormented by his past and the weight of the Dark Mark. Despite his self-loathing, the reader refuses to abandon him, offering unconditional support, and declaring that even in his worst moments, he is still the most beautiful person they've ever met.

The Room of Requirement had conjured itself into a cold, dimly lit space tonight, its walls echoing the weight of the secrets it had witnessed. The usual warm, inviting glow was gone, replaced by shadows that flickered faintly with the low fire burning in a corner. You stood near the doorway, watching as Draco paced with restless energy, his back hunched under the invisible weight he carried.

He hadn’t said much when he’d dragged you here, his hand gripping yours with enough force to make your fingers ache. His silence, normally icy and calculating, was now fractured and sharp, like he was holding something inside that might rip him apart.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said suddenly, his voice rough and flat, the words slicing through the tense quiet.

“Then why did you bring me?” you asked, your tone steady despite the storm building in your chest.

He stopped pacing but didn’t turn to face you. Instead, his head tilted forward, blond hair falling over his eyes. His hands hung at his sides, fingers twitching as if they couldn’t decide whether to curl into fists or stay open.

“Because I’m selfish,” he said after a long pause, his voice barely above a whisper. “Because I wanted—” He cut himself off, shaking his head violently. “Forget it. You shouldn’t have come.”

“Draco.” You stepped closer, heart pounding as you tried to decipher the emotions rolling off him like crashing waves. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. You don’t have to—”

“Stop,” he barked, spinning around. The sheer anger and desperation in his eyes made you take a step back. “You don’t understand, alright? You think I’m someone I’m not. You look at me like—like I’m still worth something. But I’m not. I’m nothing. Worse than nothing.”

You blinked, stunned by the venom in his voice, but even more by the tears that threatened to spill over. “You’re not nothing, Draco. Why would you—”

“Because I’ve done things,” he hissed, his voice breaking, “things that you can’t fix with kind words and blind loyalty.” His breathing was ragged, his chest rising and falling as if he’d run a marathon. “You don’t know what it’s like to—to hate yourself so much that you can’t even look in the mirror. To know every choice you’ve made has only made things worse for the people you care about.”

“Then tell me,” you urged, stepping closer again. “Let me help you—”

“You can’t!” he exploded, yanking up his sleeve.

The Dark Mark was stark against his pale skin, black and malevolent, twisting like a brand that refused to let him go. It seemed alive in the dim light, a cruel reminder of what he’d been forced to become.

Your breath caught, not in fear, but in heartbreak. Draco’s arm fell to his side, his sleeve still bunched around his elbow as he looked away, jaw clenched so tightly you thought it might crack.

“There,” he said bitterly. “That’s who I am. A coward. A Death Eater. My father’s son.”

He turned his back on you again, his hands trembling. “Do you still think I’m worth saving now? Or do you finally see what everyone else sees?” His voice dropped, hollow and cold. “A monster.”

Your heart shattered at the raw pain in his words. You could see the way his shoulders shook, how he was trying so hard to hold himself together even as he unraveled. The boy who always prided himself on control was breaking right in front of you, and you refused to let him fall apart alone.

You stepped forward, gently placing your hand on his arm. He flinched at the touch but didn’t pull away. Slowly, you turned him to face you. His face was pale, his eyes red-rimmed and filled with a kind of despair that made your throat tighten.

“Draco,” you said softly, your voice steady even though your own tears threatened to spill. “I could see the worst parts of you and still think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

He froze, his breath hitching. “You don’t mean that,” he whispered, his tone almost pleading, as if he couldn’t bear the weight of your words.

“I do.” You cupped his cheek, forcing him to look at you even as his eyes darted away, ashamed. “You think this Mark defines you, but it doesn’t. I see you, Draco. Not the choices you regret, not the mistakes you’ve made. You.”

His lips parted, but no words came out. His eyes shimmered with unshed tears, the walls he’d built so carefully over the years crumbling with every moment you held his gaze.

“I don’t deserve you,” he croaked, his voice breaking completely.

“Maybe not,” you said, your lips quirking into the smallest, softest smile. “But you have me anyway.”

That was all it took. He let out a choked sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh as he reached for you, his arms pulling you close like you were the only solid thing keeping him from drowning. His face buried in your shoulder, and for a long time, the only sound in the room was his quiet, broken cries and the soothing words you whispered in his ear.

“I’ve got you,” you murmured, your hand threading gently through his hair. “You don’t have to do this alone anymore. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

His grip on you tightened, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he let himself believe it might be true.

[vodika-vibes]

A Choice Made

Summary: When Howzer comes to you in the middle of the night, panicked and frantic, you realize you must make a choice. Of course, the reality is that you made your choice years ago.

Pairing: Captain Howzer x F!Reader

Word Count: 764

Warnings: None

A/N: Hello and Happy New Year everyone! this is my first story of 2025, and sorry if it's not the greatest. I got a new keyboard for Christmas and it's a lot bigger than the one I was using. Anyway! I hope you all like it~

Your home is quiet again.

Howzer, your Howzer, is sleeping peacefully in the bed next to you. He looks peaceful, and you’re glad for it. When he showed up several hours ago, he had been filled with a frantic energy that, frankly, worried you.

But a hot dinner and a warm shower did wonders to settle him, at least enough that he could explain what sent him to you in such a rush.

And that is why you’re still awake. 

His words echo through your mind even now. 

“The Empire knows about you. They’ll use you as a weapon against me. We need to leave.”

You knew this was a possibility when you agreed to date him all those years ago. And you knew the threat to you would only increase when you agreed to marry him.

But things had been so peaceful, even with everything going on in the core, so you allowed yourself to believe that everything would be okay. You’ve always been good at lying to yourself.

You shift in the bed and focus your attention back on Howzer, your fingers gentle as they comb through his hair. He doesn’t even stir.

It’s a testament to just how stressed and tired he is. 

He stirs as your fingers fall to the scar on his cheek, and his pretty eyes flutter open, sleepiness vanishing in a heartbeat when he sees you sitting against the headboard.

“What’s wrong?”

And, despite the seriousness of the situation you’ve found yourself in, a smile lifts your lips. That’s your husband, always alert for any danger directed towards you. “Nothing,”

He sits up and shifts so that he’s leaning against the headboard as well, and then coaxes you into his arms. Something you’re only all too happy to do. You always feel safest when wrapped in his arms after all.

“Then why aren’t you sleeping?” 

“I was thinking.”

He pulls you so that you’re sitting on his lap, and one of his hands comes up to press against your cheek. Immediately you close your eyes and press your cheek against his hand, rubbing your cheek against his rough palm. 

“Are you considering staying here?” Howzer asks, his voice quiet.

“No, of course not.” You slide your arms around his neck, “My place, Howzer, is by your side. You know that.”

“I’m asking a lot from you, cyare.”

“You’re not asking anything that I won’t happily give.” You press your forehead against his, “I was thinking of the logistics of moving. About where to go and how to get there.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I’m going to handle everything.”

You shake your head, “You don’t have to.”

“Yes. I do.”

He sounds so convinced of this, that you pull back to stare at him, “Howzer?”

“You…” he trails off, and then a small smile lifts his lips and he pulls you into a gentle kiss. “I love you, so much. You know that?”

You blink at him, “Well, I would hope so. You did marry me, after all.”

“I did. And it remains the smartest thing I’ve ever done in my life,” Howzer replies with a small smile, “And you…you’re the daughter of the Organa Family—”

“Distantly. I’m distantly related to the Organa family—” You remind him.

He ignores you, “And you came to Ryloth in the hopes to stop slavers from kidnapping the twi’leks and you set up a center to help former slaves adjust to being free,” Howzer trails off again, his expression soft as he looks at you, “You would have been well within your rights to tell me to go to hell when I asked you out. But you didn’t. You agreed. And kept agreeing.”

“You make it sound like it was a crazy thing,” You reply.

“It was a crazy thing. And it’s even crazier that you said yes when I asked you to marry me.” Howzer says with a grin, “But I’m asking you to abandon your life’s work. So let me take care of everything. Please.”

You sigh softly, “If you insist.”

“I do.” Howzer trails his lips down your face, “Assuming, of course, you choose to come with me.”

“You silly, silly man.” You shift on his lap so you’re straddling him, and press your hands against his cheeks, “I made my choice. Years ago. You’re my choice. No matter where you lead me.”

Howzer stares at you for a moment, and then he pulls you into a deep kiss. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Silly,” You reply against his lips, “I made that choice years ago too.”

@kimiheartblade

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@kiss-anon

[damianwaynephd]

i actually wanna write out my headcanons for all of the batfam’s drugs of choice so here

bruce is an old school functioning alcoholic . i think it was normalized for him growing up at galas/gotham academy and on top of that he naturally has a pretty high tolerance.. he’s sober on-and-off until jason dies and then he spirals p bad . doesn’t really deal with his underlying issues until .. dealer’s choice either when tim becomes robin or post jason resurrection. i think if he can’t/doesn’t get sober until jay comes back it adds to tim’s inferiority complex bc he’s like “well b never got sober for me 😐”

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: cokehead dick grayson ❤️ BUT this fic is so fucking good that it made me see him getting into downers as a real possibility (extra points if he does them with roy). i think he doesn’t get into hard drugs until college either way and it’s part of his rebellion against bruce, but its also just bc he’s a fun guy and likes to have a good time! i don’t see it becoming A Problem until [insert Big Nightwing Trauma here] and even then i think he manages to quit without Too Much trouble (i.e he doesn’t have to go to rehab) basically bc i don’t think he at heart has an addictive personality

i don’t rly think jason would do drugs like. ever BUUUUUUT if he did become dependent on anything i think it would be alcohol. i hc willis and bruce are/were both alcoholics so ~generational trauma~ and i think he can delude himself into being like “it’s not drugs so it’s fine.” he would enjoy the buffer it gives him to everyday life/crimefighting. same w cigs! when he decides to quit everyone encourages him to go to rehab but he thinks it would be too triggering for him + he has a weird complex where he’s like “i’m strong enough to climb out of the bottle myself motherfucker” so he tries to do it on his own which … whether or not that works is. a toss-up. either way i think he’d find AA really helpfully for his own addiction + dealing w his childhood trauma

tim is one hundo percent an uppers guy. i lowkey hate when fics give him outright caffeine addiction but then don’t deal with it at all lollll. but yeah i think he’d be ur typical adderall snorter (“snorting it doesn’t make me a junkie it’s just the most efficient delivery method to the central nervous system. it’s science”) and he’d really only get into pills bc as long as it’s prescription it’s not illicit in his mind.. so he’d prob use addy in combination w xans or other benzos to come down/get to sleep when he needed to. he absolutely has to do the whole rehab stint (maybe multiple) to unlearn his preconceptions about addiction/addicts and his deep rooted belief that he only has worth when he’s productive lol.

damian is straightedge like this kid will not take tylenol. he doesn’t drink caffeine either and gets like really into herbal tea and supplements when he’s older

[fashionteahouse]

i wonder - edward cullen x reader

You patiently waited as the doctor came in. The nurse already checked your vitals. She tells you it’s been a pretty eventful day.

His face was magical in a way but you felt comfortable. His smile was bright and shiny and you couldn’t help but bring out your own smile.

“I know you’re ready to get this thing off.” he says to you and you nod.

It was true. You were tired of doing everything with one hand. The special saw cut through the cast and you look at the limb that’s been covered for some time. It felt freeing.

You walk out of the room as you thank the doctor.

“Now remember, no playing right away. Wait for a few days to a week.”

“Aw, really?” you say with much disappointment.

“It’s important that you don’t rush it. Your other hand I’m sure is thanking you.”

“It’s no fun playing with one hand.” you say with a playful pout and Dr. Cullen laughs a bit. Placing a hand on your arm, “It won’t be fun to hurt it even more.”

He glances elsewhere and he then gives you a polite smile before sending you on your way. You see him walk in the direction of the boy and a girl, around your same age as they talked quietly.

You then flex your hand, seeing that your wrist was a bit smaller than your other one. You test out of your wrist, pretending to play a few notes as if you’re at a piano. You shake your head as you clutch it.

You wince a bit as you understood what Dr. Cullen meant. You then sigh a bit before pulling out your phone to let your parent know that you’re done and on your way home.

“You play?” you hear a voice. It startled you a bit but it was soothing.

You slowly look up. You see that the boy that Dr. Cullen seemed to know, was staring at you. He was by himself instead of with the girl you seen him with earlier, waiting for an answer. His gaze was intense, which made you look down for a moment as you nod.

“How do you know?” you ask quietly. You didn’t know why you felt shy.

“I saw you test your wrist out as if you were playing keys.” He says. You look up and he brings on a soft but friendly smile.

“Do..You play?” you ask.

You expected the same answer as always.

“Yes.”

Your eyebrows raise a little in shock.

“Why are you…Surprised?” he asks with a low chuckle.

“Sorry..It’s just…I don’t know too many people who do play.”

“Did you just move here?” he asks.

“Yeah..I’ve been asking people..To you know, make friends but…” you end it with a shrug.

He opens his mouth to say something but you hear a small voice close to you.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

You turn around to see a brunette, she’s hanging near the corner of the hallway. She staring dead at the boy you were talking to.

You turn back to the boy in front of you. He had a look that showed he was conflicted.

You make a small wave and started to be on your way. You didn’t look back.

“It was nice while it lasted.” you say in your head.

“So what did the doctor say?” your parent asks you.

“They said I have to wait up to a week to get back into using both hands.” you say over dinner.

“Well, that’s not bad. You catch on quick.”

“I know…You know I want to enter the music competition soon.”

That’s when they paused their chewing.

“You’re…Thinking about joining that?” they ask. You nod.

“Oh.” they comment.

“What?” you ask.

“It’s just….It’s your hobby and all but..For it to be your career…It’s very hard to make a profitable career out of that.”

“So..All of these years of classes and lessons are just going to be thrown away? Just like that?”

“I’m not saying that. Maybe it shouldn’t come first. You’ve always have gotten great grades. Y/N, it’s your final year before you go out into the real world. Picking a smart and lucrative career choice will help you be more prepared while being comfortable and stable.”

You sigh as you dig into your dinner. The same old talk.

“You start school tomorrow. Are you excited?” they ask with a smile. You mutter out a yes.

You lie in bed in the new home. After the divorce of your parents, you had to choose which one to stay with to finish out your year. The parent you chose, chose to move away for new beginnings. You didn’t mind. You were a bit happy that you got to start fresh in a way. You were a bit tired of your old school and wasn’t afraid of change.

The heat blasted from the vents of the car as you wrung your fingers a bit. A hand meets your hand.

“Easy, Y/N. Your wrist finally starting to heal up.”

“I know. Sorry.” you say and the school comes into view.

“I will be here when school lets out. Have a good first day.” they say with a big smile.

You get out after giving your parent a quick hug and you slowly walk towards the building.

You looked at your phone, checking the room number of where your home room was.

Chatters of different students meeting up with their friends were surrounding you and your ears.

Your eyes catch a familiar face. The same boy from the hospital, was leaning against his car. He seemed just as surprised to see you as you.

You continue walking however, you didn’t want to be overbearing.

You kept saying yes to people asking you if you were new. You were a bit tired of the question.

At lunch, people from classes that you did make small talk with, did ask you to sit with them.

When school was over, you walked out to the school lot. You saw the same boy from the hospital. This time, he made an effort to make a small wave. A small smile formed on your lips as you waved back.

“Y/N. Over here!” you hear and you internally groan with embarrassment.

“I know what your car looks like.” you say as you close the car door. They only laugh.

The next day, you walk to the school stairs, you slipped on the patch of ice.

A hand catches you and your heart race. You steady your knees and you look up to find the same boy.

“Thanks.” you say and he nods with a tight grin.

You start to walk away.

“You never told me your name.” he says.

“You never told me yours.” you reply back as you look back at him.

Names were then exchanged.

Edward was his name.

You both began to walk side to side.

“How long have you been playing?” he asks with interest.

“Since I gained consciousness.” you say with a small laugh. It was true. You don’t remember the first lessons, you just remember always having to go. His small laugh sounded a bit like bell chimes. It made you prolong your eye contact with him.

“What about you? You seem to be the expert.” you say.

“A very long time.”

“What’s a long time?” you playfully challenge.

You watch as his eyebrows furrow, as he continues to walk.

“What’s wrong…?” you ask slowly in slight confusion.

Shaking his head slightly, you both stop at the classroom you were supposed to go in, “Nothing…I would like to hear you play sometime.”

“Really? Well some time next week I should be good.” you say as you raise your wrists and you walk in the classroom. As you sat down, you realize that he was still standing at the same spot you left him in. It wasn’t until you were fully seated, you see him walk away.

A teacher asks you if you could take some paperwork to the office. You accept since your class work is completed.

You walk in the office and find that Edward is murmuring to the woman at the front desk.

“Here you go.” you say and Edward turns around. The woman thanks you and tells him with apologetic intentions, “It’s January, I’m afraid I can’t do that, Mr. Cullen.”

You watch as he has a wave of frustration be painted on his face.

You held the door open for him as you exit out.

“Cullen…So, your dad is Dr. Cullen?” you observe and ask.

“Yes.” he answered. You both walk as if there isn’t a rush to get to anywhere.

“He’s nice.” you comment.

“It wouldn’t be the first time he’s heard that.” he says.

“So..The blonde girl is your girlfriend?”

“No. She’s my sister.”

“Oh. Sorry.” you say sheepishly.

“It’s alright.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time she’s heard that.” he says with a grin that makes you return it.

“So…How many siblings do you have?”

“Two brothers and two sisters.”

“Eventful.” you say and enter back into the classroom.

“How was school?” your parent asks you over dinner.

“It was fine.”

“Any new friends?”

“A couple. The people and the teachers there are nice.” you say as you look at your food.

“That’s good.”

“I didn’t know Dr. Cullen’s son went to this high school.”

“You met him?”

“Yeah. He’s nice too.” you say.

“The entire family keeps to themselves I heard.”

You nod at that.

You were in the middle of reading a book.

“No class this period?”

You look up and Edward is peering down at you as you sat in a chair in the school library, being immersed in the plot.

“Study hall.” you say.

He nods.

“What about you?”

“Free period.” he says as he sits in a seat that’s close to yours.

“Oh.” you say and close your book.

You look at him. “You know, I meant to tell you something.”

“What’s that?” he asks as he searched your face.

“You have unique eyes. Is it some type of…Condition or something?”

“….I guess you can say that….Yeah..It’s a condition.”

“Oh. Do you want to dive into that?” you ask.

“I prefer not. Is that alright?”

“Fine by me.”

“How did you mess up your wrist?”

You chuckle a bit before answering.

“Trampoline.”

It was his turn to match your chuckle.

“That’s interesting.”

“Yeah well…That’s what happened over the summer. Man, I was pissed. I was crying, not because of the pain, but because I couldn’t use both hands to play piano.” you say.

“Did you still use one hand?”

“Yeah. It’s boring though.” you say with a slight frown.

“Which wrist?”

You extend it.

“This one.”

You didn’t expect him to close his hand around it. His hands were cold, but it felt nice, like an ice pack. You’ve been using it to exercise it, so the cool sensation helped. In sync, you both lean in.

“Are you used to the cold? And snow?”

“Yeah. You?” you ask.

“Yeah. It’s my favorite time of the year.”

“Same. No annoying bugs.” you answer back.

He grins as he looked down at your wrist.

“Have you ever broken or sprained a bone before?” you ask.

“No.” he says.

“Aren’t you lucky.” you comment.

“I am.” he says and the bell rings.

You walk the halls to lunch, you find that the brunette girl from the hospital also went to the same school.

She looked at you only for a second before looking away.

In history, the teacher announced a project. You all had to pick a time period out of a bin, write in a journal and pretend to be someone who is living in the time period.

“Fun.” you said under your breath, you thought it was interesting.

A small journal was passed out, the teacher allowed you and others to work in groups if you wanted.

You started writing down your year in your journal.

“Are you working with someone?”

You look up to a familiar boy in the class. He was quiet, but sat in the back from the times you’ve been in this class.

You shake your head.

“Do you mind if we work together?”

“I don’t mind.” you say in a small voice.

As he sat down, he scoots his chair a bit away from you, but his presence was friendly enough that you didn’t feel offended, you felt a wave of calmness, you didn’t feel nervous like you thought you would be.

Smiling softly, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak in class.” you say.

He shrugged with his own quiet smile.

“What year did you get?” you ask.

“The 1980’s.” he says with a roll of his eyes, “What about you?”

“1860’s.” you say sharing your distaste for the year you had to do, with a roll of your own eyes. You quickly saw a sparkle in his eye.

“What? You think this time period was interesting?” you ask. He nods a bit.

“So much history happened within that time frame.” he said with certainty.

“At least the 80’s were fun. Big hair, good music, and colorful vibes.” you say as you thought of music videos.

“It was alright.” he says but clears his throat, “I’m a bit old fashioned. I don’t really care to learn much about that time period but it looks like I have to.”

“Yeah.” you say as you look at him.

“So. Have any trouble?” he asks.

“The heck did people do for fun back then?” you say. You wanted to snooze.

“Play games, read, gamble on horse races.” he lists.

“How do you know so much?” you ask as you doodle spirals on the edge of your paper to kill time.

“I guess you can say I’m a history geek.”

You laugh a little, “What’s your name?”

Jasper.

As the bell rang to leave, “Pray for me. Hopefully I won’t fall asleep while writing.” you say jokingly.

A small laugh escaped his throat, “You will be fine…You can always ask me questions..”

“Cool. See you…Around?”

He nods once as a small and petite girl skips to his side. She brightly shined her sparkling smile at you.

“Hi.” she greets.

You wave.

“You’re new right?”

You nod.

“When did you move here?”

“A little last week.” you answer. She grins as she nods in acknowledgment. Her energy was high. You felt it was a bit contagious as you couldn’t help feel the excitement rubbing off on you.

“Do you like it here?” she asks as you walk. She hugged Jasper’s arm as you all walk the hallway.

“It’s been good to me so far.” you say.

You all three talk as you made your way to your last class of the day. Learning the girl’s name you tell her, “Nice to meet you again Alice. See you, Jasper.”

Coming out to the school lot, you see that the rest of Edward’s family is looking at you by their cars.

You then knew who Edward’s siblings were. All expect one. He was muscular and he held the blonde girl close to him.

You felt a bit nervous.

It was the weekend. You were thankful that you got to sleep in.

Pulling out your keyboard, you fiddle with it with your one hand.

You were bored. You missed trying to learn complex notes but you knew that if you forced the fast recovery, you wouldn’t be better.

You scrolled through the website of the music competition. You knew exactly what song you wanted to play. You had to submit a recording.

You didn’t care about the prize money, but just to show off your talents was something that you wanted to do.

The weeks rolled by, you could finally play again. You parent comes home and that’s all they hear, the tinkering of the keyboard and the piano that was in the home.

“When’s your lesson?” they ask as you help them unload groceries.

“Next week. I’ve been practicing.” you say with a grin.

“That’s nice. Fill out for colleges yet?”

That’s when you got quiet.

“Y/N.” they say in a warning tone.

“I’m working on it. I just don’t know what I want to do yet.” you say.

“You were always good with tech. Maybe, do something with math. It’s your highest grade.”

“Ugh, no. I only make sure it’s my highest because it’s important.” you say. They only sigh with a slight shake of their head as they state, “Your time is ticking.”

In lab, you sighed as you mixed substances with your lab partner.

“You’re joining this class?” you heard your teacher ask.

You look up and you almost took your goggles off. Edward looks at you as you looked at him.

“Y/N, you have to weigh it.” your lab partner beside you, tells you, the pen is in their hand and ready to write down the information on the worksheet.

“Right. Sorry.” you say and weigh the concoction in the glass measuring cup.

You watch him join a group, making him the third person.

When class was over, “You’re in this class?” you ask, trying your best to hold your excitement. He was a year below you. You didn’t know why you were excited. You brushed it off as it being happy to see a familiar face.

“Yeah.” he says casually.

“Willingly?” you ask and he nods.

“Jeez, no offense but, do you enjoy suffering?” you ask. You hated that class. Especially lab days. You were glad that the next day was a study hall instead of a double period.

He laughs, “It’s not that bad. I enjoy science.”

You both enter the hall and you place your hands together, “Be my guardian angel?”

“Next report period when it’s time to pick partners, just pick me. You’ll get an easy A.” he says with a slight shrug.

Jasper suggested that you both take turns reading each other’s journals. The due date was the next day.

He did a good job. It made you want to live in the 80’s. For Jasper, it was as if he went through a time machine.

You slide each other your journals back.

“Man, what a ride. I would’ve thought you lived it.” you say. You didn’t miss the flash of happiness. He then makes his face neutral.

“I can say the same.” he says, almost looking proud at your journal.

“I thought you weren’t interested in that time frame?” he continued to ask as if he caught your hand in the cookie jar. You shrug with a smile.

“I’m not. But, you gotta do what you gotta do right?” you reply as gesture the classroom.

He nods at that.

Before you could push the door open to leave the school building, you heard, “Do you have a ride?”

You turn to see Alice.

“Oh, hey. Um…I do.” you say.

She seemed a bit disappointed.

“Well, tomorrow we have a two hour delay. We should come to school together.” she suggests as she picks her mood back up.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “How do you-”

The announcement came on, “A two hour delay is issued for Forks High School, tomorrow morning. Students don’t forget to….”

“Lucky guess. You should be gambler or something.” you say. She laughs a perfect laugh and links her arm with yours follows you outside.

“So, what do you say? I’ll get you breakfast.” she bribed.

“Oh wow, food? How could I say no?” you ask with a smile.

You still woke up at your usual time, you watched the snowflakes fall fast out of your window. You used the extra time to work the keyboard in your room with your headphones in. Your parent knows you have a way to school, they tell you to let them know if you need a ride back home.

You carefully walk down the steps. Edward leans against the car. You had to be careful with your steps as you observed the snowflakes that fell perfectly on him. You look away to not seem rude or weird. He closes the car door after you get in. Jasper and Alice is in the backseat.

“He was just standing out there like it isn’t freezing.” you say to them and they laugh as they looked at each other.

“I told you, it’s my favorite time of the year.” he says with a grin as he worked the steering wheel.

“You’re crazy, Edward.” you comments as you put your hands to the vents that blew out hot air.

“I know.” you heard him say.

People stared as you got out of the car. You didn’t know why. Your stomach was full from the breakfast that was in fact paid for by Alice. You had to fight with her to not be so sharing but she prevailed, saying she was keeping her promise.

“Uh.. Why are people staring?” you whispered to Edward as he walked close to you. Jasper had his arm around Alice.

“They just want to know how and why you’re around us.” he says with a lax expression.

Walking through the metal detectors and picking your bag back up.

“How do you know?” you ask.

“We stay to ourselves. Never felt the need to make new friends.” he explains as Jasper and Alice waved goodbye to you both.

After waving, you turn your head as you walk, “So, I’m the chosen one?” you say with a joking tone.

“That’s..One way to put it.” he says.

“So, answer their question. Why me?” you ask as you stop at your locker, placing your wet coat inside.

He leans next to the locker that’s beside you, “You don’t want friends?”

“Whatever.” you say with a light laugh, “If I don’t recall, you talked to me first.”

“I did?” he asks but you knew that he knew.

You shoot him a look.

“I still want to hear you play. It’s been more than a week.” he says.

With a slight smile as you look ahead of you as you walk, “You’ve been keeping count?”

“Call me excited. I want to see what you got.”

“Cool, I’ll send you a video when I get the chance.” you say and try to go into the classroom but a hand gently grasp your sweater covered arm. You look to him.

“In person.”

“Oh….Okay.” you say and you hesitantly walk in your classroom.

Your mind was on the thought of playing piano in front of Edward. You wondered how. Would he come over to your house? Would you go over his house? You immediately shook the thought out of your head. He already told you that him and his siblings really don’t bring people around them. But, you couldn’t help but wonder in your brain, “I wonder what made me the exception?”

“Y/N?”

You snap out of your thoughts. You clear your throat as the teacher and classroom was silent, waiting for your answer.

You look down on your worksheet and speak out an answer.

“Very good.” the teacher says and moves on.

Your class took notes in science, it didn’t help that you could see Edward from across the room. You didn’t know how it was possible for one to be so non sociable.

You sat sideways on the comfy library chair. It was in the back, the history section.

“Wait…You said you had two sisters. Who’s the brunette?” you ask in a bored tone, fidgeting idly with the book on one of the shelves.

“Bella Swan. She’s not related to us.”

“Oh. Your friend.”

Chuckling as he looked at his hands, “She’s not my friend.”

You look about. He watches you.

You sit up straighter, feeling slightly nervous under his gaze, “Something’s fishy.”

“What do you mean?” he asks in a stoic tone.

“Are you….” you sigh. He’s patient. You look down before looking up, “Are you and your siblings like….Blood related?”

He opens his mouth but you speak, “Sorry. That was rude. Damn.” you say.

“We are not.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t you want to ask something else?”

“Is it obvious?” you ask and he nods.

“Well….” you say and look at him in the eye before looking at his fabric covered chest, “Are you all…Adopted?”

“Yes.”

You look at him.

“So….” you sigh and shake your head and he asks, “What?”

You sigh a bit before giving him a nervous smile, “I see how Alice and Jasper act towards….Each other…I’m not judging but…”

“Yes. They’re dating.”

“Oh.” you say as you swallow and grab a book off of instinct.

“Are you weirded out?” he asks. He didn’t seem uncomfortable. He simply asked.

You open and close it as you look down. “Yeah.”

“Many are.”

“Like I said, who am I to be someone’s judge?” you propose.

He doesn’t say anything after that.

At lunch, you chewed slowly. You looked up a couple of times at Jasper’s table. The blonde girl and the brawny boy who was their brother. They all three glanced your way and you felt small in a way. But, you look back to what the person next to you at the table was saying.

You wondered if the other brother played a sport, but he didn’t hang out with the guys who were on actual teams.

The history teacher turns on a movie and makes everyone write down answers for the worksheet.

You were thankful for the distraction.

Pulling your coat out, you hear your name.

You turn around, to find Edward standing there.

You look.

“Do you have any plans after school?”

You rack your brain, but it’s been such a relaxed day, that homework was done.

“Um…” you say and you immediately think of your keyboard that you left on your bed.

“Honestly I’m just trying to get home and relax.”

He blinked at your answer.

Alice then bounces in your view.

“Hey, you.” she says with a smile.

“Oh. Hey. Thanks so much for this morning. That really meant a lot.” you say.

She touched your arm with a grin.

“Come on, ride back with us.” she persuades.

“Oh…”

“We have a piano at our house.” she says.

“You did that on purpose.” you say with a small laugh as you close your locker and start to walk.

“What?” she asks.

“I wanted to go home and relax and here you are bribing me once again.” you say.

At your side, “Carlisle says that your wrists are way better.” Alice chirped.

“Who’s that?” you ask dripping in confusion.

“Sorry..Our father.”

You never thought to call your parent by their first name like that. But you still didn’t judge.

“Oh. Yeah. I’m just using my keyboard for right now.” you say as you walk out the school doors.

“Well.. Our piano is huge. You should see it. Maybe play for us.” she says as you walk down the school stairs.

“Hmm…” you say with dramatic sarcasm.

“Please?” she dragged on.

“You guys act like I’m a special composer or something.” you say as you look at both Alice and Edward.

“We’re parked over here.” Alice grabs your hand.

On a doctor’s salary, there was just no way. You subtly peered around the home.

The parents. They looked so vibrant. So youthful. Dr. Cullen almost shined as he stood next to his smiling wife.

“Hi, Dr. Cullen.” you say.

Esme was the mother’s name.

“I like your name.” you compliment. She seemed touched and complimented yours back.

“Carlisle is okay. I already know who you are Y/N.” he says in a friendly tone.

Shrugging your coat off, it’s taken out of your hands as Edward placed a hand on your shoulder.

You saw it. You silently let your jaw drop. You walk out from under Edward’s hand.

It sat tall and strong. It was grand. It was shiny as if it was newly purchased. You thought you were dreaming. You could almost hear it whispering your name.

“Oh my gosh.” you whisper.

“What is it?” You hear Esme ask.

“This piano….Do you mind if I-“

“Of course. Yes. Please do.” she says, almost excited as you.

You sit at the bench.

Edward was immediately near you and if you weren’t so distracted, you would’ve wondered how he had gotten there so fast.

With a smile that made your cheeks sore, your fingers pressed down on the keys with precision. Your foot tapped the pedal as music filled the living room. You stop your tiny concert short as you felt that you were overstaying your company.

“Why did you stop?” you collectively heard.

“Sorry..I didn’t know..” you say and you rise from the bench, feeling a bit sheepish from the attention.

The blonde that had her arms crossed looked at the area you were in, with slight interest. She reminded you of an ice queen.

“So. Whats the new rank?” the boy who was brawny spoke up. His voice was deep and displayed a smirk.

The blonde taps the back of her hand onto his chest with a clenched jaw. He looked at her with slight apologetics.

Edward chuckled next to you.

Emmett.

You knew off of the top, he knew how to liven up a room.

“Rank of what?” you ask.

“Nothing. Ignore him.” the blonde says snappily.

Rosalie.

Emmett and Rosalie reminded you of Jasper and Alice in a way. You didn’t want to ask questions, but you couldn’t stop the questions from coming inside of your brain.

“You’re talented.” Esme says to you without drawing attention.

You show sincere appreciation.

You held and read his music sheets as you sat on his couch. His room was spacious. He invited you up as he could tell you weren’t going to touch the piano anymore.

Edward let you take the lead in the conversation. Allowing you to talk about yourself and what you want to do passionately.

“A competition?” he asks with interest. You only nod as you sat his sheets down.

“So. When am I going to see you play?” you ask.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment before peering at the floor for a moment.

“Soon.”

“I’m keeping you to your word.” you say.

“Please do.”

[man-i-love-fanfiction]

To Share the Space with Simple Living Things - Hozier x Fem! Florist!Reader

Chapter Four: Poppies - Imagination

Summary: You finally get to visit Andrew at his workplace, and he discovers a not-so-new way to handle his feelings.

Word Count: 2711

Author's note: Hope you're all enjoying! Sorry again for having such a splotchy posting schedule, between holidays and getting the flu I was... preoccupied. Anyways, have a chapter of your favorite tattoo artist yearning his heart out as compensation 🖤

tag list: @celery-grace @gayandfairycore @deathmybride @harry-bowie-mercury @hodgepodge-musings @blue-eyed-bug @secretttytttttttttt @dinner-n-dxatribes @padfootblackswh0r3

fic below the cut <3

It had been three days since you had gotten coffee with him, and all Andrew could think about was you. It was getting a little concerning. Concerning to him, at least. He was a grown man, who was he to have — for lack of a better word — a crush? Let alone one he was too embarrassed to express his feelings for?

It was close to torture, but he had no right to complain. He had brought this upon himself, and he accepted it. He asked a woman, particularly one he thought was beautiful, to get coffee with him, paid for her, and still ended the whole affair with their relationship being at most friends and at the very least acquaintances. Stupid idea, and the definition of a missed opportunity. Alex had already berated him over this decision (“What do you mean you bought her coffee, just the two of you, and you didn’t even attempt to drop a hint that you like her?”). And it’s not like he didn’t torture himself over it, thoughts randomly popping up telling him what he could’ve or should’ve said or done. The regrets he had, no matter how minuscule they were, ate away at him when he had nothing else to think about. All because of a choice he made and a label he refused to give. What a way to self-sabotage.

Everything about you, from how you met to how easily your conversations flowed, was magnetic, pulling his thoughts (and him) towards you. The serendipity of it all was like he had been transported into one of those overly saccharine romantic comedy movies he would sometimes catch his mother watching. What was the term she had used once? A meet-cute?

The slight vibration of his phone in his pocket brought him back to his reality. A call from an unknown number. Usually, he would hang up, or at least ignore it. But he was in between clients, and more importantly, a little bored. So he answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi. It’s Y/N. From the florist.” Andrew let out a sigh of relief at the sound of your voice. “That end of the world you were warning me about last time never happened, so I had enough time to finish your bouquet.”

He chuckled at that, a lighter sound than he intended.

“That’s fantastic. Both the world not ending and the bouquet being ready.”

“Is it alright if I swing by soon?

“Yeah. I’m on my lunch break in between clients, so I’m free.”

“Perfect. See you in…” you paused, which he surmised was you mentally calculating how long it would take you to get there before continuing, “about fifteen minutes.”

“I’ll be waiting for you.”

He grimaced as you hung up the phone, and true to his word, he waited. His time was occupied with sketching a design for an appointment he had in a few weeks, Alex hanging around with him. Immediately, everything was put down when you walked in. Fifteen minutes later, just like you had told him, he heard the bell above the door ring. He watched as you opened the door, tightly gripping a vase containing the flowers, letting in a beam of sunlight with your entrance.

“I’ve got one order of a chrysanthemum arrangement for Andrew?” You announced, feigning not knowing who he was.

“Great, you're here. Let me take that off your hands.”

He rushed over and grabbed the bouquet from you, and in a moment he had to remember to thank the gods for later, his fingers brushed yours, making his heart rate spike so suddenly he almost had a medical issue.

God, he was pathetic.

“Thank you so much for this. You never fail to amaze me.”

“Of course. You can keep the vase, by the way. Free of charge.”

He looked down at you, his brows furrowed but a smile still on his face.

“You are physically incapable of not being nice to me, huh?”

“Please. I do this for all of my orders. You're not special,” you joked, and he scoffed in reply.

“Wow… and I thought we were friends!”

“I’m just humbling you a little. Besides, I can't let other customers think I have favorites. It's unprofessional.”

“Favorites? Plural? Do I have competition?”

“Yes. It's you and a little old lady that orders centerpieces for her dinner parties. Don't go beating her up for the top spot.”

A beat passed before a mischievous smirk came across your face.

“Though, I am a fan of a guy that would fight in my honor.”

Not being able to sense your tone, Andrew swiftly changed the topic, unsure and unwilling to think about how he'd throw a punch for you.

“So, you used flower language for this, right? What's it all mean?”

You smiled, and the way your face lit up gave him a rush, a sudden burst of butterflies in his stomach. He listened intently, despite his urges to focus on you and not the words you were saying.

“Alright, I’ll give you a quick rundown of the meanings. Chrysanthemums are joy, of course. There are some sunflowers, specifically dwarf sunflowers, because they represent pride, like how you’re proud of your work, hopefully. Orange roses for fascination. And last but not least, calla lilies for magnificence and beauty, like what you create here. Hopefully you and your colleagues like it.”

He couldn't help the incredulous laugh that cane at the end of your statement.

“Are you kidding me? It's beautiful. Of course I like it,” he reassured. You didn't verbally reply, but the new warmness of your features was all the response he needed.

He paid, making a comment along the way about how he almost left his wallet at home this morning, but caught himself: “I promise I’m not forgetful, just… all over the place.” You listened, seemingly actually invested, and took the money from him once he offered.

“Thank you. You are single-handedly keeping my small business afloat.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, both out of confusion and concern.

“Are you not doing well?”

“I mean, we're making sales, meeting the quotas we should be. Barely. But we're not exactly a hotspot anymore. It's not common for people to get flowers, and if they do they get cheap bouquets cheaply made at a grocery store or online. People these days don't bother to make an effort.”

He observed you as you thought for a moment, a pause only he could have read into. He could’ve sworn you looked him up and down, though his hopeful imagination could have tricked him. There was more optimism in your tone this time around.

“You do, though. Make an effort, I mean. I appreciate it. You might be the only guy I know that does.”

Your words were taken to heart, but he deflected your compliment, fearing he'd become too flustered if he let it linger.

“Is the bar truly that low?”

“That's not low! These days, finding a guy who tries is like winning the lottery.”

You barely gave him time to react before pulling out your phone, which had just vibrated in your pocket.He could already see the disappointment set into your features.

“Crap. I have to get back.”

He offered an understanding nod, knowing as much as he wished he could stay in this moment, reality had to set back in.

“I hate to say goodbye, but it was really nice to see you. And your place of work. Keep me posted on if the flowers help raise people’s spirits.”

“Goodbye. Parting is such sweet sorrow.”

“Quoting The Bard at me? So you’re an artist and a nerd. Full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“I am. There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll find out more soon enough. I’ll see you later.”

“Goodbye.”

The door closed behind you, leaving Andrew feeling a bit emptier now that you were no longer there. Finding the right time, Alex made his presence known again. Andrew was so focused on you he had almost forgotten he was in the room.

“So… that's the Y/N you keep talking about?”

“That's her.”

“The one you platonically took to a coffee shop?”

“The very same.”

Alex gave him a look: a squint accompanied by an oddly pensive expression, like he was trying to make the situation make sense.

“Is something the matter? Do… do you not approve?” Andrew asked. Alex replied slowly, cautiously.

“No, she seems wonderful. No complaints here. In fact, that’s the issue.”

“How so?"

“Maybe because you took a woman, an amazing one at that, on an outing that was a date in every aspect but its name. You essentially blocked yourself off from you two being romantic. It doesn’t make sense to me! How are you the same lad that would write love songs in college?”

“That was a decade ago! I’m more cautious now.”

“Oh, yeah. You're so cautious, in fact, that you started liking your florist. A woman that you've only met four times, including one time where you basically went on a date!”

Andrew felt a shame as if he had just been yelled at by a parent, though most of the sting came from the truth of his words. Only after he exhaled a deep sigh did Alex speak again.

“Listen, I don't mean to scold you. I’m only saying all this because I care about you. That being said, if you don't take this girl out sometime soon…”

“Alex!”

“I’m being serious! I was standing right there. I saw how you look at her and you're… enamored of the poor woman. If you don't do something about the way you feel— doesn't have to be soon, just eventually— then the only person that will regret it is you.”

Andrew gave a slow nod as he processed the other man's words. He hated how wise he could be sometimes.

“I… I need to find the right moment. I need to take my time.”

“Then take it. Just don't bottle up your emotions for too long. You don't handle it well. Plus, after a while of you blabbering on about the same person, it starts to get annoying.”

For the first time since you left, Andrew laughed, Alex joining in a moment afterwards.

“Alright,” he said, slapping a hand on Andrew's shoulder. “Let's get back to work.”

Andrew ruminated on his friend’s words on the drive home, his grip tightening on the wheel. As much as he hated to admit it, Alex was right; he did need to do something about what he felt for you. But he never did specify what.

It had been a while since he felt like this towards someone, so he wasn't lying when he said he needed to take his time. If he were to ever make a move on you, he would have to make sure he was certain. He didn't want to ruin your newly-labeled friendship, run the risk of throwing away something just starting, and something good. However, that didn’t mean he couldn’t use an alternative method to handle these feelings.

He stepped into his flat, and for the first time in recent memory it felt… empty. Not necessarily from the absence of friends or family, just absence. The empty seats at his table, on his couch, in his bed, they almost screamed at him. He had never realized that the silence of being alone was so deafening.

What better way to fill the silence than with music?

He got straight to work, his craving to create overriding any hunger for actual food he had. Despite his own better judgement, Andrew had written down the lyric he had absentmindedly created a few days ago in his phone. He considered continuing from there, but preferred to do things the old-fashioned way. So he grabbed a pen, sat down at his kitchen table, opened his notebook, and began to write.

I have never known peace like the damp grass that yields to me…

He hadn’t opened himself up to this creative vulnerability in so long, so he was admittedly a little rusty. Words were crossed out, rearranged, and substituted with synonyms if the amount of syllables didn’t fit the rhythm. Eventually, after he had eased into it, it felt no different from when he sketched a stencil or tattooed a client. Oddly enough, the more he wrote and the more effort he put in, the more the lines continued to blur until he felt just as comfortable as he did at his job. Whether it be a tattoo gun or a ballpoint pen, Andrew was always in his element when he had ink.

There was also the added factor of what inspired all of this fervor to write: you. You kickstarted something in his brain, subconsciously flipping a switch. that made him more musical. Before you he would turn on the radio or shuffle his Spotify and merely admire whatever song was playing, but after you came into his life, his thoughts strayed more towards you: I could write something like this. About her.

Should he consider you his muse? He’d decide later on.

Time slipped away from him, to the point that he was shocked to look at the clock and find less than an hour had passed.

One last similarity between the two was discovered. He harbored a similar sense of pride after he had finished— or, more accurately, stopped himself after writing a verse and a chorus. Not a finished verse and chorus either, simply a rough draft to remind him how to get back into the mindset.

The only difference was the audience, or lack thereof. There was no way Andrew was letting anyone see this or even know about it. He would maybe, maybe, consider showing you one day. Even then, he could only imagine he’d want to shrivel up in a corner as you read it, or God forbid, as he sang it to you. He couldn’t dare to think about that now, even though the guitar resting against the wall in his bedroom was almost calling his name. He had to leave it there for now. He could barely handle writing for the day, let alone singing and playing. For now, he was taking baby steps.

Even if he could muster up the courage, there was no chance anything he wrote would be leaving the eyes of his friends and family. He was no poet, and no star. He already had a job that let him express himself and make meaningful pieces of art. For that, he was grateful. He could be happy with keeping the songs for himself, writing for only his own eyes, and letting what he created at his job be for the whole world.

The notebook — funny how such a small object now held a power over him — was closed and stuffed in an empty shelf space in his closet, an attempt at keeping it out of sight and out of mind. His attempt was semi-successful considering every step of the rest of his day was accompanied by the thought of it. Not the shame, just the knowledge of knowing he had written something. The shock of actually having the strength. It stuck with him until he went to bed that night, not even nearing sleep being able to offer him solace. He tossed and turned well into nightfall, until it got to the point that he was getting restless. And desperate. So he picked up his phone. To avoid simply doomscrolling until his eyes began to flutter, he found some website that detailed flower language and started to read.

He willingly went down a rabbit hole, keeping a separate tab open to search for flora he didn't recognize by name. He made mental notes of meanings he found particularly interesting. The last flower he read of before falling asleep was the poppy. It meant eternal slumber, coincidentally what he was longing for at the moment, but also imagination. It was almost perfect how poppies represented the day he had. This was his last coherent thought before he drifted off.

There was a third definition, one that also summarized his day, that Andrew’s eyes didn't stay open to read.

Oblivion.

[venusswhite]

A Thousand Years | Arcane Vi x Fem Leitora (Part. 5)

After losing everything, [Name] tries to rebuild her life. But what happens when a ghost with pink hair returns?

notes: English is not my first language, and I initially wrote this fanfic in Portuguese. With the help of online resources, I rewrote it in English.

Part. 4

"they mistook my kindness for weakness" - Lana Del Rey

We stayed there for a while, holding each other, pretending everything was fine. I feel her warmth, the beats of her heart, her scent, the sensation of her clothes against my skin… all of it was comforting. It was like being a child again, as if nothing bad had ever happened.

“I need to go find Jinx,” I whisper against her chest, breaking the silence.

“I’ll go with you,” she says determinedly.

“No, Vi. It’s better if you don’t,” I pull away, looking into her blue eyes.

“Why not?” she asks, cupping my cheeks and tracing every spot and mark on my face with her fingers.

“She’s my sister,” she insists.

“I know, but she’s not the same. Just… let me talk to her first,” I place my hands over hers, leaning in until our foreheads touch.

She sighs and closes her eyes for a few seconds. Then, she opens them and nods.

“Alright. I just want the two of you back,” she steps back and kisses my forehead.

“I promise I’ll do my best to get a little bit of what we had.”

She smiles.

“I know you will. And so will I, I promise.”

I stop in front of Silco’s office, take a deep breath, and open the door, walking in with heavy steps. He’s sitting there, staring at the large round window behind him, drinking—probably something alcoholic.

“Guess what,” I say, pulling him from his thoughts. He turns to face me and huffs, probably already knowing what I’m about to say. “I never believed in ghosts, but today I saw one.”

“[Name]…” he begins.

“Shut up,” I shout. “You had no right to lie to me and drag Jinx into this mess.”

“I did it to protect you both,” he argues firmly.

“No. You did it because you knew I’d never help you if I knew Violet was alive. You manipulated me and used Jinx to help you.”

“And if you had known? What would you have done? Gone after her?” he stands and sets his glass on the table. “You were a defenseless child. Have you thought about what could’ve happened to you… to both of you if I hadn’t helped?”

“I would’ve figured it out…” I reply, defeated. He was right—what would I have done? I didn’t even know where Vi was, and even if I did, how could I have gotten her out of prison? The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.

“Would you? Are you sure?” he raises his eyebrows.

“That doesn’t give you the right to hide it from me,” I yell, slamming my hands on the desk to get closer to him.

“No. It doesn’t. But it was the best choice. And I didn’t know she was in Stillwater. Marcus didn’t tell me that.”

“That bastard,” I yell again. “This is all his fault,” I slam my hands on the desk again, then grab his glass and smash it on the floor. It shatters, shards flying everywhere. I collapse into the chair and bury my face in my hands.

“So… you went to see her, didn’t you?” he breaks the silence, sitting back down.

“Got your men watching me?” I lift my head, then take a deep breath, trying to calm down. “Yes, I went.”

“And?”

“And what?” I snap.

“How was it?” he asks, folding his hands in his lap.

I fall silent, thinking about everything I felt when I saw her. The way my heart raced, the overwhelming joy that hit me, but also the doubt and uncertainty. Seeing her grown face after all these years, hearing her voice again, smelling her scent, feeling her touch—it all awakened something in me. It brought back long-dormant emotions.

“It was… intense. Like I was dreaming.”

“That’s why I hid it all from you,” I frown at him. “Love makes you weak.”

“You’re wrong,” I stand again, anger surging back through me. “Her return only made me stronger, more determined to get what I’ve always wanted.”

“Oh, really?” he says mockingly. “And what have you always wanted?”

“A better Zaun. An independent Zaun. The Zaun Vander wanted and fought for,” I stare into his eyes. “And I’ll fight for it.”

I leave the room, slamming the door behind me, not waiting to hear his response.

“Jinx?” I step into her ‘room.’ She’s working on her weapon with loud music playing, humming, and dancing.

“That’s me,” she says cheerfully, turning to look at me. She leans over to turn down the music coming from somewhere under the table, then focuses back on her weapon.

“Can we talk?”

“About what?” she asks, still humming her tune.

“Silco.”

She stops and looks at me again.

“How did your talk with Vi go?” her expression shifts from cheerful to disdainful.

“She’s back for us, Jinx. The Enforcer,” she flinches, “got Vi out of prison, as you already know. Vi trusts her.”

“Why would she help someone from the Lanes?”

“I don’t know yet, but it doesn’t matter. Now we can fight, we can continue what Vander wanted.”

“You want to betray Silco?” she concludes angrily.

“I know he’s done a lot for us, but at what cost? Look at what Zaun has become.”

She pauses to think and then goes back to working on her weapon.

“What do you plan to do?”

“Make a deal between Zaun and Piltover.”

“Just like that?” she mocks.

“No. That’s just the end goal. We still have a long way to go. We could use the Enforcer for the deal.”

“Use her as a hostage?” she laughs.

“No! I think she has some influence topside.”

“A Piltie helping Lanesfolk—you used to be smarter,” she picks up a piece from the floor.

“Vi says we can trust her, so I trust her.”

“I still don’t trust her, but I’ll give you a chance,” she walks over to me. “But I won’t betray Silco.”

“Jinx…”

“We owe him, [Name]. Vi needs to prove she won’t disappear again, and you need to prove you won’t abandon me to be with her. But don’t worry, I won’t tell Silco about your plan.”

“Thank you. I’ll fix everything, I promise,” I hug her. “Oh, I almost forgot.”

I open a small pouch on my belt and pull out the blue orb I picked up during the fight, handing it to her.

“Thanks,” she smiles and goes back to her weapon.

After the conversation with Jinx, I went to my room. My mind was racing. Uncertainty, fear, and doubts surrounded me, but I wanted my family back more than anything. I wanted at least a piece of what we had.

“You got Silco worried,” I jump and sit up, seeing Sevika standing in the corner.

“How long have you been there?”

“Not long… So, what’s your plan?” she asks, walking toward me.

“Plan?” I pretend not to understand.

“Silco said you talked about fighting for what Vander wanted,” she says and sits at the foot of my bed.

“Is he afraid I’ll betray him?”

“You could say that.”

“I only agreed to work with him because of Jinx. I never agreed with anything he did.”

“I know that, but don’t be stupid. He’s stronger than you.”

“I know. I won’t act without a plan.”

“You’re lucky I’ve grown fond of you, kid. I’ll talk to him, try to convince him you’re not going to betray him, but know this—if he finds out, things will get ugly.”

“He won’t find out.”

“You’d better hope he doesn’t.”

“Did you know Vi was alive?”

“No, but I suspected. She came after me, wanting to know where her sister was. The girl’s grown up…” she shows her damaged robotic arm.

“She’s tough, huh?” I smile.

“She is,” she sighs. “Take it slow with everything, alright? I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Thanks, Sevi,” I hug her. “I like it when you act like a mom.”

“Go to sleep,” she stands up and pushes me back onto the bed. She leaves, closing the door. I smile, seeing a small smile on her lips.

With Jinx and Sevika’s help, Silco believed I wouldn’t betray him. I kept doing what I always did: monitoring Silco’s illegal operations, collecting money from the addicts, checking shipments coming in from Piltover…

I was also trying to meet with Vi as little as possible. Silco was on her tail, so she was hiding out with the Firelights.

The few times we did meet were to discuss our plan, which was to take down Silco and all shimmer production, gain the support of the people of Zaun, and then strike a deal with Piltover. We planned to catch Silco alone and unprotected, but killing him would cause problems with Jinx.

We didn’t know what to do.

We couldn’t take control of the Lanes with him around, but we also didn’t want to lose Jinx’s trust.

We were lost, unsure of what decision to make.

[alexa-fika]

Hey, hey you know about the work of yours nezuko!reader x Ace x whiteboard. Where nezuko was Ace sister.

How about how Ace actually met nezuko!reader?

Like when Ace was a child, did he meet her when it was snowing? Or were they already siblings, and she just became a demon? Your choice really, I just need more child!Ace withchild!reader

Demonic Origins (Spade pirates x nezuko!reader)

Part 1, part 2, you are reading the prequel

A/N ayoooo we are eating this nezuko!reader one’s! Just like all the other nezuko one’s I had fun with this one, im not sure if it’s as good as the other one’s though so I will leave it up to you to decide

Reader here is replaced by Dokucha which stands for Reader in japanese for the enjoyment of both reader and oc characters readers!

Dividers by @/firefly-graphics

“Alright, we can stop here for the night,” Ace called as they made their way into the grand cave the group stumbled upon

Because of Ace’s Devil fruit’s abilities, he couldn’t count on his own body to measure the cold, which would be fine were he traveling alone, but as a Captain, he had to look out for his crew, which led him to develop a keen eye for when his crew were in need of a break and shelter from the harsh weather. Something that he could see from the way they started to lag behind, their legs struggling to move forward across the snow, and their faces unable to focus on the path as they attempted to protect it from any possible frostbite. Seeing this, Ace was quick to call a rest stop lest he lost them to the blizzard.

“Blimey!” Banshee huffed out

“Waz beginnin to think mai legs were missin'! Can’t ivin feel em anymore, im knackered!” she whined, letting a frown as she saw the judging look the lynx sent her way.

“Doun’t look at me like that, Kotetsu you lil' nutter! Easy for you to judge; you were next to e heater the hole way,” she called, gesturing to the feline’s close proximity to the Captain.

“Here, Boss,” Saber called as he finished placing a small pile of dry wood in the middle of the cave, with the crew circling it in anticipation.

“Ah, Thank you, Saber!” he laughed, kneeling next to the stack, and snapped his fingers, watching as the small spark that left his fingers quickly ignited the campfire. Standing up, he heard the satisfied sounds the crew let out as the warmth of the fire slowly spread through the cave.

“I’m Sorry, guys. I didn’t notice it was that cold,” he apologized sheepishly, scratching his neck nervously.

“Don’t worry, Boss, it’s hard to get cold when you’re made of fire, isn’t it?” Ganryu cackled, gaining a few chuckles and similar teases from the rest of the crew

“Hahaha! I’ve never felt cold since I ate it!” he stated proudly.

“Still, this blizzard is quite strong,” Skull piped in, looking towards the cave entrance. A white screen greeted him, as strong winds crashed against the bamboo, littering the entrance, with various pieces caving in and snapping under the pressure.

“Yeah…the snow has already buried everything. I’m glad I managed to get some samples of the flora before the blizzard blew it away; I saw some flowers that might have potential in medicine.”

“You gouing to add it to that rubbish story of yours, Dak?!” Banshee cut in with a loud laugh

“Ha! No way Doc! You could call it the magical blue flower, the flower that saved the Spade pirates,” Finamore mocked, joining in on the fun at the expense of the masked man.

“…”

“That’s enough; leave him be,” Mihar scolded, sending a disappointed look to the two.

“Sorry! Sorry, couldn’t help myself,” Finamore snickered, sounding very far from apologetic about his actions.

Ace frowned, noticing the doctor’s growing frustration and embarrassment at the taunts, but before he could scold his subordinates, his head snapped to the side at the sound of rocks sliding down, small pebbles falling onto the floor close to them, his head quickly shooting towards the lynx next to him as he began yowling and hissing in the direction of the disturbance.

“Kotetsu?”

“It’s probably an animal boss, but regardless, be careful; animals become much more dangerous when they are cornered,” Skull called back to the Captain from his spot at the campfire, knowing the man was more than capable of taking care of the animal.

“Well, looks like the cave came with Dinner included!” Ace grinned, approaching the source of the sound

“Boss, look out!”

Ace’s eyes widened as the animal launched itself towards him, causing them both to crash on the ground, rolling around as each tried to overpower the other until they eventually came to an impasse with the other person on top of Ace as they both attempted to push the other off.

Ace took this moment to take the person in; it was, in fact, a person, but Ace doubted her to be human if the snake-like eyes and horns were anything to go by. It wasn’t this that threw Ace off; it wasn’t her veins that pulsated in anger or the sharp fangs that threatened to sink into his skin, nor was it the sharp claws that he was currently trying to push away that threw him off; it was the fact that it was a girl, human or not, what had attacked them was a child.

“Tch,” he growled, managing to overpower her and push her off, watching as she skidded away using her hands to maintain her balance, growling at him on all fours as she pushed herself forward and jumped towards him once again, this time with one of her legs raised high. Ace had barely enough time to parry the hit, raising his arms in an L shape next to his head with one of his hands raised to protect his face as the other one rose to grab the kick that she sent down, groaning at the force of the hit but managing to keep himself upright as the force pushed him back.

“What are you?” he huffed out as she wasted no time to go in for another hit, her fist aiming for his face as he ducked to the side.

“I’m sorry about this!” He called as he ran to her,crouching as she attempted to take the opportunity to attack again. He positioned himself behind her, extending his arm out and bringing it down on her neck, causing her to slump down; catching her before her body crashed on the ground, he let out a sigh.

“What the hell just happened?” he questioned, looking up at the crew’s shocked stares, the campfire, and its long-forgotten warmth as they tried to take in what had just occurred.

“Thats…. That a demon,” Skull muttered, approaching his Captain, the girl resting against him

“I heard about this race on one of the travel logs I read a while ago, a race that had been nearly wiped out by a sudden inflection that caused the person to become…demonic.”

“I think I've heard about that too. The infliction suddenly spread among them, and the marine wiped them out, saying that they were beyond help.”

“So what you’re saying is that all that happened just happened because of a sickness?” he gaped out, looking at his officers as they slowly nodded their heads.

“What are you going to do?” Mihar questioned looking up at Ace

“We’re not going to kill her, are we? She’s just a kid…”

Ace shook his head at this as if even having the thought repulsed him.

“We’re going to help her.”

“So, how did we end up like this again?” Ace cried as he avoided another hit the now-awoken girl had thrown his way. Ace barreled towards her, taking hold of her arms, and pushed her to the ground; holding her as she tried to break free.

“Hey!” He called, scowling as she showed no hints of having heard him.

“Hey!” He yelled

“You’re in there, aren’t you?! So, snap out of it! You must be scared, right?

If what Deu said is right, you lost your family; I’m sorry. I can’t do anything to get them back for you, but I want to help you, so you need to calm down!” He boomed, pausing as he noticed her struggles had changed, rather than the sudden jerks and bucks from before, there was just trembling. Looking down at her, he slowly let go of her as he noticed the slight dampness on the ground, accompanied by cries that echoed around the cave.

He backed away from her, opting to sit on the ground beside her as she slowly rose, tight fists trying to wipe down the cascade of tears that now filled her eyes as loud wails and hiccups escaped her.

“Hey…” he frowned as she continued sobbing. Her howling reminded him of his own brother when they were smaller, back when the youngest would cry at the slightest sight of danger. With this memory in mind, he crawled toward the girl and pulled her towards him, enveloping her in a tight hug as he began cradling her.

“It’s going to be okay, you’re going to be okay. I swear on my honor that I will find a cure for you,” he vowed, placing his head on top of hers and rubbing her back. His eyes snapped towards Mihar as the man approached him, smiling at him and, sitting next to him and, joined in the efforts to soothe the girl. Seeing this, Skull and Deuce shared a glance before they joined the wailing girl until, eventually, slowly, all of the crew followed suit, forming a circle around her and their Captain.

“Trés bien! What do you zhink Dokucha?” Cornelia gushed, looking at the young girl and examining her outfit happily.

“Din’t know you were good with the needle,” Ace gaped, watching as the girl ran in circles around the deck, her hands falling behind as she did

“Hmhp, you barbarians simply do not appreciate a good outfit if it hits you in ze face,” he scoffed, straightening his coat as he spoke.

Dokucha grinned, the action slightly hidden behind the bamboo that she now held between her teeth as she further analyzed her new clothes. Once satisfied, she ran towards the man, wrapping her hands around his legs.

“Are you trying to say zanks?” He questioned as he crouched down to her high, grinning when she nodded

“It was nothing! Mon Cherri!” He beamed, hugging the girl close, watching as she made her way towards his Captain. She jumped into Ace’s lap, scrambling to straighten herself.

“She sure is lively,” Mihar smiled, watching as she began drumming her hands on Ace’s thigh in a nonsensical pattern. Her eyes closed, and her mouth quirked up in what he could only guess would be a grin.

“She is! It reminds me of my kid brother! All around the place!" he grinned watching as she made her way off his lap and onto the next form of entertainment, this time on Kotatsu as the small feline took a hold of her scrub and launched her in the air, only for her to land on his back as he began walking her around the deck, muffled giggles and purrs escaping the pair.

“Looks like you have your first student, too, Mihar!” Ace grinned, standing up and patting his shoulder as they watched her raise her arms, he feeling the wind passing her as Kotetsu began running.

“I think things are about to get much better from here!” He called as he ran after Kotetsu, letting out a cackle as the feline sprinted away from him with Dokucha holding on tightly to the lynx’s scruff

Also guys im nervous what happens when I start work or get busy, will I get writers block again? Will I have to go to weekly updates 😫 I don wanna!

[vampire-apostrophe]

I should be going to bed…

I’m gonna talk about the Snow White dresses in way too much detail instead.

Firstly I want to touch briefly on fashion history but not how you’d think. This is an adaptation of an animated film in the 30s. No matter what the design of the dress was they would have to make it the most bare bones version possible simply because the work of consistently having detail would be extreme. The design they chose is iconic and also clearly inspired by the time. They want her to look young and sweet and wear a nice dress. They weren’t trying to make a historically accurate dress. From what I can gather the film was vaguely 16th century which makes sense but the adaptors didn’t want to make accurate 16th century clothes in their magical vaguely historical film… makes sense.

(here is the original dress)

here is a mid 1500s dress for reference

there’s some relation but it’s not accurate and didn’t need to be.

One this that I really noticed throughout the film in my rewatches is that Snow White is clearly wearing petticoats that you see when she moves. That’s the reason her skirt has so much motion, there’s nothing for it to cling to. It was also quite common for the time. (This is something we don’t really see nowadays which honestly is a shame because they came be really helpful) Besides that we can also see puffed sleeves and a bodice. I would assume it is either laced in the back or laced closed in the front like a kirtle often is.

Now for the adaptation.

Well.. They are clearly trying to remake snow whites dress.

There are some clear changes like longer sleeves and hems and different lacing in the bodice which aren’t horrible choices (no idea why you would make the waistline flat though especially with the lacing).. Still there’s two important aspects that I feel led to the dress kind of failing

A) Proper use of layering. This outfit looks like a single dress she put on and not a slip, petticoat, skirt, top like most outfits were. It looks like it’s all sewn together and maybe someone less interested wouldn’t notice or have the words to say why that’s wrong but it’s doesn’t make logical sense.

B) The use of fabric isn’t great. The dress is clearly made with what looks to be layers of tulle. It does have movement and some shape but its a very modern fabric and using different material would have gotten you much better overall effect.

Instead of looking like clothing that someone would wear in a fantasy setting it looks like a costume.

Now Apostrophe, you might ask, Why do you care so much about this….

Putting aside my love for fashion and its history. Putting aside my belief that when making art you should strive to always do well and that children deserve well made movies and art…

The reason I’m so mad is because I’ve seen it be done well.

this is Natalia Osipova in the ballet Giselle

(Gifs were made by ksennie I believe. I will double check)

I don’t think that this dress made with Snow White in mind but this proof to me that the costume could have been translated to live action. This was done by someone with an understanding of fabric and structure and it is beautiful. It moves perfectly and her movement is completely unimpeded by it…. They understood how to use fabrics and layers.

Just because it’s an adaptation doesn’t mean you can phone it in.

I honestly just feel bad for the actress and the people watching who won’t get to see something beautiful like this.

[angelic-eros]

I’m doing much better today. I’m feeling more alive than I was a while ago.

A man walked into work today who I hadn’t seen in months. One who told me I remind him of his home and who I planned to paint my room with. He had one drink and then left to pack for his flight to Scotland.

A friends cat climbed onto my lap and reached to place her paw on my neck the way my cat who passed earlier this year did. I started to tear up in my friends living room while we talked about concerts and clothes.

I fought to remember a store me and an old fling used to pass when we would walk to the park we’d sit and drink in until midnight but never went in. Instead we’d walk past and buy cheap alcohol and talk about sex and drug parties I’d never plan on attending, if just to make the time go quicker.

I made a white dress for an event next week that makes me feel beautiful. On Sunday I will have a day off work and a regular told me I should go to church. Instead I will spend it making the outfit for a concert in the city I travelled to to lose my virginity with a man I haven’t spoken to since I came out as a lesbian.

Today I will go to a museum and look at the artists that came before me and I will be with the partner who I confessed to after time in a rose garden and a blossom tucked behind my ear that still is saved in my phone case.

All this happened today and all these events first happened in the first few months of this year. I feel exhausted but I feel alive and I feel loved. And that’s better than I felt a few months ago.

[eternalstateofoctober]

— 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔦 𝔴𝔞𝔫𝔫𝔞 𝔟𝔢 𝔦𝔰 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖙 𝖔𝖓𝖈𝖊 | AMC’s IWTV

also known as ”local woman is roused to learn editing to deliver everyone this fandom classic” (the video's synced better on desktop)

transcription/video description under the cut:

[video description: a fan video/edit of amc’s ”interview with the vampire” by tumblr user @eternalstateofoctober (me!!) set to a shortened version of lenka’s ”everything at once”. the video clips are cut to the rhythm of the song and its changing lyrics. the song is catchy and upbeat with a light, bouncy rhythm and a whimsical but also slightly melancholic vibe at times. it has a steady beat with repeating piano notes and some xylophone. the video clips are muted so only the song is playing, save for a few voiceover lines and sound effects.

(instrumental intro, repeating piano notes)

the théâtre des vampires orchestra starts playing and another member checks the projector. a watermark with the username @eternalstateofoctober flashes on screen and disappears at the same time as a projector light flickers.

🎵 as sly as a fox 🎵

two clips of daniel after the trial script reveal. first he tosses the script to louis, then he pushes his glasses up and casts a hard look at an off-screen armand.

🎵 as strong as an ox 🎵

armand uses the mind gift to make the coven fall asleep at the dinner table in 2x04, voiceover of him yelling ”enough!” angrily and banging the table. table settings clattering. then lestat using the mind gift at the trial to manipulate louis’ sentence. his left ear starts bleeding. VO lestat: ”banishment...”

🎵 as fast as a hare 🎵

louis sprints at daniel in ’73, making him stumble back.

🎵 as brave as a bear 🎵

clips of young daniel being tortured by armand. first he lifts his gaze, then there’s two clips of him being slammed down by armands powers. last clip is him closing his eyes while armand holds his face. VO of daniel’s grunts and whimpers.

🎵 as free as a bird 🎵

claudia on stage as baby lu mimes opening a window made of projections happily.

🎵 as neat as a word 🎵

claudia writes in her diary in season 1, the clip has a double exposure effect with her pen moving on the page.

🎵 as quiet as a mouse 🎵

a wide shot of the sewers the children of darkness inhabit.

🎵 as big as a house 🎵

establishing shot of the théâtre des vampires building. suddenly the screen flashes black and there’s a quick flickering shot of the talamasca logo on daniel’s laptop screen and a glitching sound effect.

🎵 as mean as a wolf 🎵

close-up of santiago on stage in 2x02, he looks right at the audience seductively.

🎵 as sharp as a tooth 🎵

shots of the vamps baring their fangs. lestat ripping the priests throat out in 1x01, claudia in madeleine’s shop, louis in ’73 showing off to daniel, armand hissing at lestat in 2x03.

🎵 as deep as a bite 🎵

extreme close-up of lestat biting louis at the altar.

🎵 as dark as the night 🎵

madeleine lights a candle that illuminates her face during a power outage. she’s watched from outside her shop window by a curious claudia.

🎵 as sweet as a song 🎵

young daniel embraces armand after armand has manipulated him to accept death. armand strokes his hair and there’s armand’s calm whisper as a voiceover: ”i’ll hold you…”

🎵 as right as a wrong 🎵

claudia’s real turning. lestat looks up from an off-screen louis who’s begging on his knees. in the second clip he’s kneeling next to claudia on the floor and lifting her upper body while louis’ back is still turned to them.

🎵 as long as a road 🎵

louis’ finger taps a spot on a map in the warzone.

🎵 as ugly as a toad 🎵

the vampire bruce cocking his head.

🎵 as pretty as a picture, hanging from a fixture 🎵

lestat’s portrait hangs on the wall in the théâtre’s green room in 2x02, jumpcut to it in flames in 2x08.

🎵 strong like a family 🎵

the de pointe du lac and frenière families pose for a portrait at grace’s wedding. the clip changes to the next with the camera’s flash going off.

🎵 strong as i wanna be 🎵

VO Madeleine: ”mais j'ai survécu.” (”but i survived” in french). shots of madeleine’s past, the trial by mob. extreme close-up of her crying face, the angry crowd surrounding her, her screaming while her hair is shorn. the segment ends with her throwing an iron through her shop window where a group of locals has just painted a swastika. sound effect of glass shattering.

🎵 bright as day, as light as play 🎵

madeleine’s vision of claudia as she’s turned. claudia in a yellow dress in madeleine’s shop, smiling to the camera—at madeleine—and turning to the mirror. the whole scene basks in warm, bright afternoon light.

🎵 as hard as nails 🎵

grace looks up at a slightly off-screen louis in 1x05, a hard, difficult look. they are at louis’ fake grave at night and grace is holding a funeral bouquet.

🎵 as grand as a whale 🎵

two clips after one another. first is louis being buried alive in 2x07, a silent scream as the rocks rush to cover his face. second one is his feet stepping onto the rocks in the penthouse’s sundial room. VO old daniel: ”where’s your coffin?”

(the music quiets and slows down slightly for the next line.)

🎵 as warm as the sun 🎵

close-up of claudia burning in the sun at the trial. she is turning into ash but still looks at an off-screen lestat.

🎵 as silly as fun 🎵

several clips in rapid succession. murder family laughing at a movie theatre, them dancing together—holding hands, claudia cheering riding the sidecar of a motorcycle in paris during the théâtre’s group hunting, armand smirking wearing malek’s glasses, vamp daniel’s tv interview, him laughing at the host.

🎵 as cool as a tree 🎵

real rashid steps slightly forward, hands clasped behind his back with a neutral expression.

🎵 as scary as the sea 🎵

two clips of armand in ’73. first his eyes shake as he slams daniel down with his powers in the background, then him turning slowly—eyes wide—to face daniel that’s sitting in front of him.

🎵 as hot as fire 🎵

three clips showing fire in the show. first: daciana throwing herself into the flames, second: armand’s fire gift, him looking at a flame in his hand, third: the théâtre’s fire starting behind louis as he looks into claudia’s mirror backstage. the mirror reads ”tweedily deedily dead”.

🎵 cold as ice 🎵

louis cuts off santiago’s head, louis smirking, looking down. VO: louis’ satisfied chuckle.

🎵 sweet as sugar and everything nice 🎵

VO louis and old daniel: ”would you like a sample?” ”i’m a savory man most days.” with first a clip of armand-as-rashid’s blissful expression as louis drinks from him at the dinner table in 1x05, then three clips of sweet treats: the strawberry dessert from 1x02 being set in front of daniel, daniel taking a bite of it, then young daniel sipping his grasshopper at mary’s. the clip ends with old daniel’s hand pushing his coffee cup forward, requesting a refill.

🎵 as old as time 🎵

armand stares at a painting depicting him in the louvre, eyes wide, brows slightly furrowed, head slightly turned.

🎵 as straight as a line 🎵

the recording on daniel’s laptop flatlining, him looking at armand, armand smiling warmly at him.

🎵 as royal as a queen 🎵

lestat basks in all his king raj mardi gras costume glory, he smiles widely up at the camera positioned above his head.

🎵 as buzzed as a bee 🎵

lestat on stage in 2x03, wiggling his shoulders, smiling playfully, flipping his coat tails up and bending over for the audience.

🎵 as stealth as a tiger 🎵

estelle and celeste spying on louis and claudia in paris.

🎵 smooth as a glider 🎵

armand floats up the louvre floors as louis and dreamstat take the stairs.

🎵 pure as a melody, pure as i wanna be 🎵

first, a shot of louis and paul dancing at grace’s wedding, smiling at each other. then, a close-up of paul sitting of the roof, turning to look at an off-screen louis as the screen slowly fades to black and another watermark appears. the voiceover is paul and louis’: ”i love you, louis.” ”i love you too, baby brother.”

/end video description]

[sexologii]

not to be mushy, but sometimes I see my little underdogs on this show, and they’re just so tired from the game and they’re having a moment of being down and they’re ready to throw in the towel, and I sit behind my screen saying “there’s a lot of game left to play, don’t give up just yet” and then in my life, I’m just having a period of being extremely down and I’m just so ready to give up on everything and I don’t know, there’s a lot of life left to live

[irrealisms]

this is still true of me (that i am more sensitive around therapsychiatry stuff recently) and it’s. idk. it can get really isolating to be a psych survivor. it feels like there’s medication and therapy positivity everywhere sometimes. and I don’t want to begrudge that because I know it helps people—hell, it’s helped me immensely! but it hurts for it to be everywhere. it feels like there is a megaphone aimed at me going JUST KEEP TRYING. DON’T GIVE UP. MAYBE THE PAST TEN YEARS OF THERAPY AND MEDICATION HAVENT FIXED YOU BUT ITS JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVENT FOUND ~THE ONE~. well maybe i want to give up. okay? maybe i want to give up. there was a good post I saw recently about physical disability and choosing not to go to PT and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. but also just. idk. i had what i think might have been my first real FlashbackTM at about the same time as i made the above post. a week and a half ago I almost ran away impulsively to a different state bc I was convinced if i came home they’d be waiting with handcuffs to take me back to the hospital. since last august my life has been going incredibly downhill. negative spiral. I know why for some of it but I don’t know why I started getting more sensitive abt therapsych stuff in November. but what am I supposed to do with that when all the advice is “have you tried therapy/meds?” YES! and one of my biggest fears is trying them again!!! they fucked me up and— I can’t even say “you can’t make me go back” because it’s not true, it would be pretty easy to make me go back, but—I don’t want to. okay? I don’t want to. and it’s unfair of me but it hurts sometimes to see people who were uncomplicatedly helped. It’s all jealous resentful upset maybe even angry. I don’t want to call seven therapists who all turn me down for being too complicated a case for them and then the eighth I go every week and stare at the wall for an hour and come home in tears because im too scared to talk to them and then as soon as I open up they baker act me. I can’t do that again. Im tired of it being the only choice I have if I ever want to feel better or even just “not suicidal”. I don’t want to hear anymore about how helpful it is. I know that’s bad but I don’t care right now. Im tired of therapy and meds being everywhere and I can’t avoid reminders without also avoiding things that help me and/or bring me joy. Normally this is the sort of thing I put in private discord vent channels but for whatever reason I’ve been posting on tumblr today? So you all get this. I don’t know. I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep and I’ve been physically sick for a week and I’m not getting better so you all get my ventblogging. can someone invent a world that doesn’t have therapists in it

i've been....notably more sensitive and easily upset around therapsychiatry stuff recently and i am genuinely unsure why. i haven't been in therapy in significantly over a year now. it's coming up on two years since my hospitalization. today i got upset over three different things about this and i think this is to some extent me being more easily upset than normal and i don't know why. well other than "i've been more easily upset about literally everything recently". but it's been notably worse wrt therapsych stuff! my next post is gonna be another more serious and thoughtful post but first i just want to do a more emotional "idk why this has been more of a sore subject recently and i wish it weren't" :/

[lexalovesbooks]

I’ll never get over how funny it is that the reason Teraeth reincarnated as one of the hellwarriors was because Atrin saw the man he was in love with (has literally never spoken to him ever in 500 years) and the woman he was in love with (he’s convinced she hates his guts) (knows they have some kind of affection for each other but is unclear on the details) volunteer one after the other and went ‘oh I cannot let them reincarnate together without me’ like yes he was emperor for five hundred years and undeniably changed the world yes he was an incredible warrior and strategist in his own right. Yes he volunteered to save the world because his crushes did it first and he didn’t want to be left out. Funniest guy ever.