#but I’m fucking terrified
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I’m at my wits fucking end
#lit tag#literature#romantacy#monster romance#sick of the cowardice!!!!#like ‘he was terrifying 6’2 with dark eyes and…. fAnGs!!!1!1!1!’ girl stfu#or the ‘I’m a freak- I want a man with WINGS don’t look at me I’m so kinky’#<- (and its the same people who think trans people are predators)#like... ma'am i want to fuck a computer from the 90s we are not the same
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Prompt:
It’s not that Jason forgot, per se.
But between smuggling a toddler out of the League of Assassins, trekking halfway across the world, and finding a suitable hiding place that’s also child friendly… well, it kind of slipped his mind that he’s supposed to be… dead.
Something that comes back to bite him in the ass when he takes Dami out for some ice cream and just so happens to run into non other than Brucie-fucking-Wayne
#look I’ve found a new fave trope and it’s Brucie Wayne having to keep up his act while internally LOSING HIS SHIT#Jason isn’t very into the whole revenge thing here#his mind is 85 parts ‘keep Dami safe’ 5 parts ‘kill joker asap’ and 10 parts ‘avoid bats at any cost’#Jason doesn’t know who Damian’s father is#dealer’s choice if Jason establishes himself as Dami’s dad or older brother#his build certainly makes him look old enough#if you don’t look at his baby face lol#Jason runs into Brucie and goes straight into survival mode#Damian who is very observant for a toddler immediately clocks Brucie as THREAT based on Jason’s reaction#Brucie blue screens and desperately tries not to lose Jason in the crowd#jason is absolutely trying to lose Brucie in the crowd#while clutching Damian like his life depends on it#for all he knows it does#the visceral terror that your pseudo dad will take away your little brother/baby#Bruce who just wants to know if he’s hallucinating again: W A I T#jason who is terrified of being put in Arkham for killing people: no FUCKING WAY#hm maybe Jason plays the ‘I’m not Jason’ game again#it’s not gonna hold for long#but Bruce absolutely thinks that Damian is Jason’s bio child for a while and he’s on the WARPATH#Jason was sixteen when he died and never showed any interest in dating so literally every red flag is waving in brucie’s mind simultaneousl#or maybe Jason manages to get away and all Brucie is left with is the memory of his supposedly dead son#running away from him#and clutching a tiny kid#prompts#jason todd#batfamily#Damian wayne#batdad#brucie wayne
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Full offense but if as a queer goy your first response to “Jewish people are in danger because of Kanye West’s antisemitic comments” is “they’ll come for queer people after they come for the Jews, we need to act” you should really be asking yourself why you need to make this about queer people and not Jewish people to care enough to act. Like yes this isn’t good for anyone but why does it need to be about you for you to care. Queer Jews are already in danger from this. Are we not human enough for you to give a shit about us?
#antisemitism#kanye west#current events#jumblr#jewblr#fully aware I’m swinging my bat at the hornets nest with this one. too fucking bad#I’m so sick of Jewish people getting shoved to the side#it’s so terrifying to do anything right now#look up hate crime statistics.#plus with Hanukkah right around the corner things are going to get even worse
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I can’t be alone though is the issue
#I am absolutely incapable#it’s one thing for people who have friends and wide support I don’t have anyone#he is the only one I have#I will be completely alone#and I know that’s not a reason to stay and I don’t think it’s even an option anymore#but I’m fucking terrified#I haven’t really been single and not dating since I was 19#my last break up I think I was dating again within days lol#i can’t handle it#I feel completely worthless#and it’s not even just like male attention#it’s human interaction at all lol#I don’t have anyone
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“trans men don’t have any real safety concerns to worry about” i can’t wear a mask when i go into public bathrooms even though i’m higher risk and bathrooms are some of the easiest places to get sick because i don’t reliably pass when my facial hair is covered and i can’t risk not passing when i use the men’s room, but i also can’t just use the women’s room for safety anymore because i don’t reliably pass as either binary gender anymore. so my only options are to risk getting sick, take my chances with the consequences of not passing, or just never use the bathroom in public (which has its own health risks).
and today, it almost didn’t even matter that i was putting myself in danger to ensure that i passed because, thanks to a faulty lock and a man who didn’t think to knock, i came very close to having my half-naked body exposed to a bathroom full of cis men. if i hadn’t been holding my coat on my lap because there was nowhere in the stall to put it, every single guy waiting in the (very crowded) bathroom would’ve seen that i didn’t have a dick. how well do you think that would’ve gone for me? my money’s on Not Well At All.
#it took me a solid hour to stop shaking after#like yeah maybe the guy who opened the door would’ve have done anything but what about all the other guys?#i feel like the chances that None of those guys would’ve had a problem with trans people is pretty low#i’m so fucking lucky it didn’t happen but even coming that close was Terrifying#starting to use the men’s room consistently is…a time#but when i do it right i get less weird looks than in the women’s room so it’s not like there’s a better option#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia#trans men#transmascs
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i think, for trauma survivors, especially those who were emotionally abused, invalidated, or gaslit, it is really important not to underestimate the significance of speaking bluntly about what happened to you. Forcing yourself not to beat around the bush, not to downplay what you went through with your words. say what happened, without any caveats, without any “but it could’ve been worse”, “but i might just be being overdramatic”, “but it wasn’t really THAT bad,” and so forth. sit with the discomfort until you can begin to let yourself realize that it WAS that bad, you WERENT being overdramatic, and even if it could’ve been worse you still didn’t deserve it. It’s almost like a form of reclamation, taking back your memories, taking back your life, even the difficult or gross parts, and refusing to let anyone change the narrative or tell you how you should feel anymore, even yourself. and it hurts and it’s scary and it feels weird and awkward and sometimes you want to convince yourself you’re lying, but i think sitting in those weird feelings and letting yourself admit that you really did go through trauma puts the power back in your hands to process things and be compassionate to yourself while you heal
#like. recently i’ve been reflecting a lot on this trauma i have with this absolutely godawful english teacher i had in grade 7#he was an absolute creep and even though he never touched me i knew he touched other girls and made even creepier comments to them#than he did to me. and i never really had time to fully understand the gravity of the damage he did to me because i was#so focused on the fact that it could’ve been worse and he never even actually touched me or got that close to me save a few times#but yesterday as i was reflecting on this i finally got myself to admit. i was terrified of him and i was terrified for every fucking minute#that i spent in that class. and i was a child who never should’ve had to deal with that and it’s clear that i still have a lot of problems#from that whole event. and the more times i repeat that and get myself to understand it. the more i’m able to be compassionate to myself now#and patient with myself in the things i struggle with as a result of what happened#childhood trauma#trauma#cptsd healing#cptsd recovery#cptsdawareness#trauma survivor#trauma recovery
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tbh I still think Brock Rumlow was an interesting character and upon further examination way more unsettling a villain than most to me because like. Let’s be real, the second you lay eyes on Robert Redford as Pierce monologuing in his pristine suit and glass office high up in the sky he just screams Evil Politician! at you. You can see it coming a mile away. Meanwhile Rumlow is….Just Some Guy. On the surface, he’s just some side dude. He’s not enhanced, he’s not in some major position of power, he’s just someone who’s really good at what he does and seems dedicated enough to the work and functions well with his team. He respects Steve, might admire him even, but not so much that he gets starry eyed like everybody else. He’s lighthearted but focused, he’s no nonsense, he’s the everyman Steve can relate to way more than spooks like Natasha or Fury.
And okay, maybe what Rumlow does for a living is beat intimidate and kill people, but it’s not like that’s the primary objective, right, because SHIELD are the good guys and this is what Steve does now, too, anyway; except that Steve doesn’t really use any weapons other than the shield, he holds back, he doesn’t carry a gun anymore which is usually fine since he’s dangerous enough without it. But when that leaves him vulnerable, he’s covered: Rumlow’s got his six, and he does it well, and he earns some of his trust. This is familiar to Steve.
And maybe Rumlow’s a little too good, fine, maybe he shoots a guy in the head within the first fifteen minutes of the movie when he doesn’t necessarily have to and then cracks jokes immediately after but that’s alright too, because that guy had Steve at gunpoint and that guy was Bad whereas Rumlow is One of the Good Guys just doing his job, right. Rumlow’s joking around because he’s used to the violence, they’re all used to it, and this is just how it works. They’re just soldiers doing the grunt work and following orders, and this is familiar, too.
Except that they’re not soldiers and this isn’t a war, except that the work is for an intelligence agency whose job it is to hoard and steal information and monitor civilians and orchestrate and sabotage and meddle in internal and external state affairs. Except that the Good Guys, in reality, are extremely grey at best. Except that many of the Good Guys turn out to be Nazis on top of everything else, and it’s not that far of a stretch.
But when it’s all starting to unravel, you’re still thinking well maybe some of these guys didn’t know. Maybe they didn’t do it out of individual belief, and if faced with the right choice, they can be redeemed.
That is until you realize that Rumlow maybe didn’t respect Steve and what he did so much as what Steve could do if only Steve weren’t “weak” in other ways, if Steve had chosen the right side. That it not being personal is less a cop out and more a taunt the same way just following orders has always been, for Rumlow and many many men that came before him and will continue to come after. Until the vault when, by the most charitable of interpretations, Rumlow looks at the Winter Soldier letting himself be smacked around and crying and getting shocked like he’s maybe a little unnerved (if not just downright fascinated) by the whole thing, but not enough that it really changes anything for him, because the end justifies the means and it’s not really his problem, anyway.
Until Sam shows up and Rumlow looks at him like a bird of prey and says This is gonna hurt with a fucking smile on his face, and then you think: shit, man, obviously. How was it not clear from the start.
To me, what makes someone like Rumlow a good villain, even a side one, is not that he’s straight up Insane & Evil™️ or suffering from Tragic Backstory Syndrome or all hopped up on magic superstrength juice or whatever, but precisely the fact that he’s Just Some Guy with a cockroach survival mentality who operates well within the established system and just so happens to be really good at his job - a job that he might’ve even joined thinking it was for a good cause, or because he had something to prove, or simply because it gave him one hell of an excuse to be a bully. Because he either wholeheartedly believes in HYDRA or he just doesn’t give much of a shit either way so long as he gets his due in the end, and both are just as bad.
Because when you strip away all the grand scale superhero theatrics, you’ve seen this before. You’ve seen Rumlows in your school and in your neighborhood and in the military and the cop car patrolling your street. They’re the ones who sometimes say or do somewhat offputting shit but you figure it’s fine because they’re otherwise real nice or charismatic or normal looking, or maybe they work a job that’s framed as helpful or protective or inherently good despite the power dynamics at play, or they share your background and interests and you chat about the weather being crap this time of year.
And every time one of them turns out to be a violent, hateful piece of shit, you’re still somehow surprised then, too, when you really shouldn’t be.
#apologies for the extra long post but I’ve been thinking about why he freaks me out as much as he does#the world is full of brock rumlows is all i’m saying.#and that to me is way more terrifying than evil crazy russians in underground labs or deranged aliens could ever be#brock rumlow#ca: tws#brock rumlow meta#I guess???? hello how the fuck did I get here at 5 pm on a tuesday jesus christ#mcu meta#max.txt
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Caboose and Wash bonding over their head trauma.
Caboose and Wash sharing tips on how they remember things and keep track of dates and names and where they are versus where they’re supposed to be.
Caboose and Wash both being at risk/susceptible to seizures due to their head trauma, so all the sim troopers have to learn how to help them through it.
Caboose and Wash having panic attacks because they can’t remember an important detail about their lives (they should know this they should know this they should know this why don’t they know this?)
Caboose and Wash both being able to remember Tucker’s name. Always. First try. Easiest thing to remember. (Tucker being scared of the day they don’t.)
Caboose and Wash hating the giant gaps in their memory, so they spend a lot of time trying to fill it.
Caboose and Wash sharing stories all the time because they don’t want to forget…
What were we talking about again?
#this haunts me#everytime i think about caboose and tucker i just#they’re brothers#and tucker is terrified of the day caboose doesn’t remember that#terrified of the day they become strangers again#and then he gets another team member with a fucked up head#tucker is an expert on anything head related#concussions and seizures and migraines and memory loss#he’s read every pamphlet and medical article on the subject#caboose and wash are very grateful for that#THEY’RE A FAMILY OKAY#I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING#rvb#lavernius tucker#rvb tucker#red vs blue#agent washington#rvb wash#rvb caboose#michael j caboose#angst#writing
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murph knocking it out of the PARK this episode both as riz (badass lil creature, fiercely dedicated to his friends, so deeply loving to his mom & reassuring her that he sees her + appreciates all she does for him) and just as murph (“the beans are due,” laughing at ally’s lack of written saving throws, reaction to the trap door bit, “so tactical, so late”)
#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy spoilers#fhjy#riz gukgak#brian murphy#murph#also just. post-trap door bit being kristen’s turn & beardsley having clear tears in their eyes was SOOOO 😭#wait ALSO ALSO riz getting called a punk bitch by duggan earlier sent me so bad my god#so much happened in this fucking episode fr & it was both wonderful and deeply terrifying at once so i’m just focusing on the fun parts rn#wait also also also (sorry i keep remembering things) riz ordering pancakes waffles AND french toast @ the diner was so lil creature of him#idk i’m obsessed
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something that drives me super crazy forever and always is the “do you want to hear my story?” / “yes. yes!” exchange. like, daniel is in every way a hostage of that situation. he’s going to say he thinks armand is interesting! he’s going to agree to anything armand presents to him because he’s hoping armand will show him just a little bit of mercy. i think armand must know this, even though he’s asking these questions out of desperation rather than some test. it’s not an uncommon thing to armand, the vampire who likes the hunt. likes to have humans as his mercy the way he has daniel. but i like to think that, while daniel agreed because he felt he had no other choice, he also agreed because it was the truth. armand can read minds and he thinks that’s awesome. daniel wants to hear his story because he thinks armand is interesting, and he wants to hear the stories of people he thinks are interesting. i like to think that armand took a peek inside daniel’s mind, expecting to see nothing more than fear and survival instinct. he sees those things, but more than that he sees truth. genuine curiosity. daniel, given the choice, would want to know him. that’s why, for a moment, he gives in — tells daniel his first memory. that’s why, to armand, he’s so fascinating.
#iwtv#devil's minion#armandaniel#i think in 1973 louis very much sees the interview as the means to an end. not necessarily to win lestat back but like.#the interview to him is just a fun and different alternative to fucking & draining. he’s so bored and it excites him you know?#but to armand it’s SO much more personal. because it’s both something he’s terrified of (somewhat rightfully) and something he craves#as i’m typing this armand just showed up in his fuckass glasses. GOD HE IS SO ANNOYING. I LOVE HIM.
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also. something about palpatine being so adept at seeing into the future that all of his successes feel completely joyless by the time he achieves them because he’s just going through the motions… how fucked up and nihilistic and brutal that would make you…
#teddy talks#anakin is like the opposite of this bc he’s tortured by his future failures#so he lives in constant terror and denial#whereas palpatine is lowkey tortured in a different way though he’d never ever label it as such#but the boredom of it all. the inescapability…#in a sense of course you would long for ultimate power over the force. because you would feel so much just like a meaningless vehicle#of its will otherwise#and anakin would be a PERFECT toy for someone like that. because he is so bewildered. he’s easy to tangle up in knots#i’m just doing some character Thinking#but yeah. of course one in palpatines position might hate the force and feel a need to lash out and dominate it#and he manages his own repressed bewilderment by manufacturing it in anakin to an extreme degree#but. importantly. while also having complete control over the machinations of anakin’s experience#and by crushing the force and all knowledge of it#CHRIST i’m back sorry but all the stuff he does to extend his life. he obviously is terrified of death#and rather than face it he just creates My Apprentice: The Guy Super Fucked Up About People Dying#to punish somebody else for his own horror…. it’s giving projective identification. not to bring freud into this
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why aren’t there more concepts around the overlord being absolutely terrifying. horror-movie level eldritch being. the embodiment of DARKNESS and EVIL ITSELF should be a terrifying entity not only psychologically but also physically
#the overlord is. so interesting to me.#I want them to be this specific brand of terrifying#which I mean. like I say this as if I don’t want that of half the ninjago villains#kinda being fed finally with people making nadakhan scary which I’ve been wanting since I discovered that bitch can shapeshift#thank you bbnb and the sham#but any shapeshifter in ninjago should be fucking scary#all the oni? should be terrifying including mystake#ALSO THE GHOSTS MORE SCARY S5 ART#anyways I lost my train of thought the overlord should and could be so scary#shakes them around I need. to hyperfixate on them#someone hit me over the head with season 2 3 and crystalized#anyways#I’m gonna. do stuff eventually i’m about to leave for work but when I get free time……..#the overlord#Ninjago#lego ninjago#spinjitsu screams
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It’s “realizing that Will’s struggle in S2 with being infected with a virus that spreads and will kill him quickly (but doctors don’t care) is a metaphor for how gay men were treated during the aids crisis” hours
—right alongside Mike (who comes from a family with a Reagan sign in their front yard + a mom who outwardly supported Margret Thatcher), who sat at his now confirmed gay best friend’s side the entire time he was sick and watched as people were willing to let him die because he was viewed as expendable……and now has an ongoing storyline where
1) his relationship with his girlfriend is falling apart because he doesn’t love her romantically
2) he’s staring longingly and pushing toward the freedom his gay best friend embodies for him, and
3) he cannot bring himself to tell anyone around him something because “what if they don’t like it” + dehumanize him for telling the secret truth he cannot bring himself to externalize, despite now knowing something that scares him about about himself:
(Bonus points for the fact that the first time we see Mike push Will and himself toward a girl is after he watches how people were willing to let his gay best friend (and him, by extension) die should they not confirm to expectations)
#can you tell I am rewatching S2? lmao but!!#he’s gay. he’s gay. HE IS IN THE CLOSET AND TERRIFIED AND FUCKING. GAY#this is not about his feelings for El and never had been#it’s about his DEEP AND UNRELENTING FEAR that he is going to be seen as less than human and potentially killed for his honesty#THE REFUSAL TO TELL THE TRUTH IS A PROTECTION MECHANISM#ROOTED IN WHAT HES SEEN & EXPERIENCED & KNOWS ABOUT HIMSELF AS A GAY MAN#like this boy is having an extended metaphorical existential crisis over being gay. that is the point#it always HAS been. but the depth and context for his struggle requires complex sociological knowledge & people don’t do that anymore lmao#ANYWAY#I’m gonna do a whole proper post on this I promise. I just had to get the thought out somewhere lmao#mike wheeler core#mike wheeler#will byers#stranger things#the me tag#gay mike wheeler
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Y’all.
Y’all.
Steel not only chewed out the governor’s Citadel mage so hard she made her cry. But then she gave that poor woman an order that was basically “Haul your wall sized computer monitor TO THE JAIL LOBBY so I CAN YELL AT MY WAWARD ASS DAUGHTER in 5k”
One: I’m not sure if I was any of the three that I would be able to say anything more than “yes ma’am” “no ma’am” or “sorry ma’am”
Two: you can make a lot of arguments about nature vs nurture but I think we might have spotted where Suvi’s tendency to try bulldozing her way through problems comes from.
#worlds beyond number#the wizard the witch and the wild one#aabria iyengar#brennan lee mulligan#taylor moore#I’m 40 fucking years old and I’m terrified of steel#suvirin kedberiket#steel#wwwo spoilers#wwwo#wwwo steel#ma’am#just… ma’am
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I’m back from my coma to talk about Nimona again
Specifically these scenes
Because this is the moment where the similarities between Gloreth and Ambrosius’ stories end
At face value, these scenes seem incredibly similar
In both scenes, Gloreth and Ambrosius are watching terrified as their homes are burning down around them because of a “monster”
But that’s where the similarities stop
Because in the first scene, Gloreth decides to listen to everything that her community has told her
And in the second scene, Ambrosius has finally figured out that everything he’s been told since he was a kid is a lie
#nimona#nimona 2023#nimona movie#ambrosius goldenloin#gloreth#can you tell how much this movie drives me insane#god i love it#it gets better every time I watch it#I have no intention on bashing Gloreth btw#did she betray her friend?#yes#was it an incredibly fucked up thing to do?#absolutely#but she's also a terrified child#who made a dumb choice while her world was falling apart#and I cant blame her for that#if I start thinking about the parallels between goldenheart and Nimona and Gloreths stories I’ll start crying#I could talk about this man til I’m blue in the face#and I have no air left in my lungs#god I love him#he’s such a compelling character#‘what are we doing’ is one of my favorite lines of all time#is so powerful
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DPxDC Writing prompt: A new circus is in town appeared seemingly overnight, a circus of meta humans with red eyes and equally terrifying and wondrous acts. It’s suspicious as all hell and even more suspicious when Jason suddenly feels overwhelmingly compelled to join it when he sees the commercial for it on the TV. Seriously, where the hell did this ‘Circus Gothica’ even come from?
Ok hear me out; y’know in that one episode where we’re introduced to Freakshow and he brainwashes Danny but then it’s ok because he’s saved by his friends?
What if Sam and Tucker and been too late? If Danny had been successful taken?
What if no one believed Sam and Tucker when they said Danny had been kidnapped and he’s not a runaway?
And what if he’s been brainwashed for over 3 years while travelling in the Circus, the only people caring enough to find him being unable to do anything about it?
And what if Freakshow made the mistake of preforming in Gotham where the Bats dwelled? And where they’ll take a deeper look into the circus’s suspicious behaviour…
#dcxdp#this is just an excuse to have more sibling Danny & Jason#and an excuse to use Freakshow more as a villain#that fucker is TERRIFYING when you think about it#and creepy as all hell#I want to see him in more in fics during flashbacks#danny phantom#jason todd#Freakshow#circus au#I headcanon that Danny is somewhat more aware as the years go by but he’s still heavily under the influence#because he’s a halfa#and he got the werid biology#brainwashed au#idk what I’m doing with Jack and Maddie in this fic#bad parents?#i guess so#Jazz?#she’s going feral#same with Sam and Tucker#but they’re minors so they can’t do anything#Jazz can’t pinpoint and get to the circus in time whenever it stops#Danny is really edgy due to the orb’s influence so I can imagine if Jazz does get there in time that he’ll just dismiss her#or tell her to fuck off#look he’s been under the influence of the orb for years rn#give him a break#No one bats an eye at the REALLY suspicious stuff because of the orb’s influence or the circus just up and leaves before an investigation#seriously#it’s hard tracking a magical ghost train#and the ghosts working there overshadow the authorities whenever things get too heated
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