#but I was so small

[a-yaos-little-murder-beans]

Omega JGS WIP

JGS who is an omega, but due to getting separated from his first born too early, he stops getting his heat and therefore, never gets to marry the alpha who was supposed to marry him. Instead, he only stays married to Madam Jin who is a beta. They have JZX, and everything continues like in canon until past the war when the Jin are guests at a conference held in CR.

It's been over 20 years since he had his last heat and doctors had told him that he himself can't carry anymore, also his pheromones have almost completely vanished, so that most of the Jianghu thinks that he is just a beta. Almost everyone from the old generation who would remember that he isn't one, is dead.

But suddenly, in the middle of the conference he feels unwell. It had been building up over the past days, but he didn't bother, after all, he is a cultivator and while others can't smell him anymore, he actually still can smell them all and it sometimes gets overwhelming, but it had never been so bad that he feels almost ill.

It's with the first cramp that he realizes what's happening.

He needs to leave. Fast, before one of the unmated alphas realises that it's him who is in heat. He leaves, giving orders towards JGY to take over in his absence. It's a strange move of him, JZX sits right next to him but he tells JGY to take care of everything. Not his heir who is set to take over after him.

JGS makes it to his guest quarters. His bed looks like a nest, but it's not good enough. He's too far away from home, his instincts cry after a safe and familiar place, an alpha. Someone to take care of him.

The thing is, he doesn't know if he needs to be knotted. He knows that omegas who took suppressants needed to be knotted after they stopped using them, otherwise their body would overheat and they would die an awful death. But he wasn't on suppressants. His heat stopped coming after...

Someone knocks on his door. It's JGY who enters after a moment. He knows immediately what's going on. He is an omega, a pretty one, well behaved and JGS was so proud of him that he had to stop himself from purring the first time he met him.

The first born he never thought to see again. The baby his father took away from him. The boy had returned to him, their first meeting ended bad, his own father still alive and acting before JGS could intervene. The old man luckily died in the middle of the war, giving JGS the chance to take his lost son in.

JGY smells like JGS. It's known that omega children smell like their omega parent until they mate with an alpha.

"You're an omega."

He is. He was never hiding it. It just never came up.

"I always was."

JGY smells sweet, like fresh flowers. The typical Jin-omega smell, but there was something else mixed into it. Something fresh and earthy. JGS could smell it. He knew why.

"You're pregnant?"

He had never understood other omega parents when they said, that an omega could immediately tell when their child was carrying. Now he understood.

"No..."

He may be at the start of his first heat in years, but it wasn't that bad yet, that he couldn't think straight anymore. It was heard that pregnant omegas could trigger other omegas heat early. But it was rare and he had been near other pregnant omegas in the past.

Could it be... the bond? The bond that apparently hadn't been yet ready to be cut between him and JGY in the past? Was it possible that his presence... Combined with his pregnancy did trigger JGS's own omega? Was he back in the game? Could he...

The thought made him giddy from excitement. He had enough time to berate JGY for his unmated pregnancy after his heat. He also knew who the father was and it wasn't like as if he hadn't been in talks with LQR about a possible betrothal between them.

"I need an alpha. Now. Go, get me Qiren."

"Grandmaster Lan?"

He nodded. "Please."

"He's an alpha and you're in heat."

"That's the point, A-Yao." He had been utterly broken when he learnt about the broken betrothal. A broken omega didn't need an alpha and the Lan had needed their second young master more than JGS had needed him in the past. But now, things were different. LQR's nephew had taken over as sect leader. The old alpha was free.

"You..."

"Please, A-Yao... This is already embarrassing enough. Just get him and I will explain everything after my heat has passed."

JGY goes and gets LQR for JGS. LQR is as happy as JGS about the heat. They both have waited years for this to happen and in the same night, LQR makes JGS his.

Is JGS pregnant after the mating? Absolutely. LQR finally moves to Jinlintai, as it should have been the case over twenty years ago. JGY and LXC marry shortly after and the first Lan heir is named Jingyi. Meanwhile, JGS gives birth to a son who becomes something like a big brother to JL later. Madam Jin is absolutely smitten with the little boy while JGS and LQR already work on the next one. They have to catch up after all.

About Madam Jin: It is normal for an omega and an alpha pair in such an important position to have normally a beta woman around who takes care of the pups. It is allowed for her to also birth her own children, but that depends on the whole arrangement. She was bitter the first years, bc it wasn't clear if JGS actually cared about her. But he does. She is the only reason that he wasn't thrown out. If she hadn't been there yet, JGS's father would have thrown him out together with baby JGY.

But who is JGY's father? It isn't LQR. No, but it is WRH. Did he know about the child? He knew that JGS had been pregnant, but he assumed that the child had been killed. But when JGY arrived at his doorsteps, he had his suspicion. But like a lot of other people, he thought that JGY was younger, bc of his small stature. Also, he had been thrown out of Jinlintai, which he took as a sign that the boy maybe wasn't JGS's son, until he found him in heat and not in control of his pheromones. JGY was JGS's son what should be impossible. WRH did start to believe that JGY maybe was that child he thought dead. But before he could confront JGS about it, NMJ found his way into his palace and the last thing he saw was JGY stabbing him in the back.

Will JGS ever tell JGY who his father was? Maybe, at some point they will have that talk and it won't be pretty.

[angeloncewas]

I wish I'd had more childlike joy, but how can I blame young me for not understanding that then was the time

[almondpiglet]

ppl were drawing mikus from all over so heres habesha miku and her lil twin sibs rin and len!!

[ashipwreckcoast]

i could, in theory, buy a tofu press

[daftmooncretin]

spock’s room decor is actually fucking bonkers. The weapons??? the big red velvet curtain??? like ok phantom of the opera go crazy.

for reference jim’s room has some photos and a plant so we can surmise this is uniquely a spock being a dramatic weirdo thing

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

[itsbrucey]

Big fan of sun motifs in characters not necessarily being about positivity and happiness and how they're so " bright and warm" but instead being about fucking brutal they are.

Radiant. A FORCE of nature that will turn you to ash. That warmth that burns so hot it feels like ice. Piercing yellow and red and white. A character being a Sun because you cannot challenge a Sun without burning alive or taking everything down with them if victorious.

[troyandabedsnewapartment]

(shaking my 14-year-old self) I was so mean to you but I love you, I love you, love you

[eurydicees]

i spent THIRTEEN YEARS waiting for an age accurate casting of percy jackson but now that it's here and i am no longer a child looking at heroes my age, i'm just plain HORRIFIED on behalf of these children.

[chalkrub]

autumnal chill....featuring the girl

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[fakakta-art]

Jason: *terrified, thinks he's gonna die* Bruce: *used to carrying Dick around like a ferret* small child. so small.

[hunterofdeer]

this tiny ass taxidermy shrew is so fuckin funny to me

[foolsocracy]

they barge into justice league meetings saying they have something very important to show them. and do stuff like this

[chloesimaginationthings]

How Jax found Gangle’s figure collection in TADC,,

[mildcrow]

every day i wake up and think about farcille