#but I wanted to post a translation of at least one so

[feelmyskinonyourskin]

Judex, Judicum, Infantem - Chapter 6

(Eventual)Reader x Matt Murdock x Frank Castle

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summary: You and Matt discuss baby names and the future. Despite how happy you are with all the romance and support he's giving you, he struggles to open up about the difficult things in his past.

warnings: AFAB Reader. No use of Y/N. Pregnancy and discussion of having a baby.

Notes: Thank you for the patience, I'm back from hiatus for now. It's really frustrating to see this story keep going down in notes from week to week and people not respecting my rules about having their age in their bio. It's also frustrating when people asked to be tagged and then never hearing from them again. And people stealing the gifs I make for each chapter and posting on their own writing with no credit and not taking them down when I ask. It's all made me burn out and not want to participate in this fandom space anymore. So I needed the break. I'll keep writing for now, but if things don't get better, I don't know how much more I wanna do. Fandom spaces aren't ai content mills where you can just take and take and take and expect to not give anything more than a silly heart button that takes you less than a second to push. The things you love are made by real people who take real time to create this free thing that you get to enjoy. Creation takes time and if you want the blogs and writers and artists you love to keep making it, then you need to do better. Rant over.

w/c: 3,575

*I never give permission for my fics, manips, or any other original creation I post on Tumblr to be copied, posted elsewhere, translated, or fed into any AI program. The only platforms I currently post on are Tumblr and AO3. Thanks!*

“How about Helen?” Matt suggested

“Ew, no. That was my freshman roommate’s name and she was not a nice person.”

Matt chuckled warmly as he continued to run his hand softly against your back. You were draped across his lap, face down, with your growing bump between his spread legs as he lulled you into relaxation. Just ten days into trimester #2, you had begun to “pop”; bulging belly only able to hide under baggy clothes now.

Colleen reacted exactly as you’d expected when you finally shared the news, smugly declaring she knew you and Matt were compatible but also overwhelmingly happy for you. All of Matt’s friends were ecstatic too. Kirsten immediately set up an appointment with her finance guy so you could figure out getting a college fund started. Karen dropped off a bag full of baby clothes to the apartment twice already and Foggy declared himself the baby’s godfather, Marlon Brando impersonation and all.

“Krystal?”

“Stripper name.” you replied with an eye roll

Matt scoffed, feigning offense at the implication of his suggestion of a name for your sweet unborn baby would certainly lead her to a future career of debauchery.

“How about Amelia?” you countered

Your face was pressed into the sofa but you didn’t need to see him to know that Matt scrunched his face up in disgust above you.

“I’ll consider it only because I love you.” he replied

I love you.

You could practically hear, and you’re pretty sure Matt could too, the real time stop of your blood flowing through your veins. You sat upright to face him, still a little stunned. Matt blankly stared at you with pitiful eyes like a sad abandoned puppy begging at your stoop to come inside from the rain. His mouth was quirked up to one side and his shoulders were practically at his ears with how tense he was. It was painted all across his face that he was clinging on to every clue your body was giving, hoping that just maybe if he listened a little harder, he’d be able to read your thoughts.

“You love me?”

“I— I thought it was obvious. Yeah?”

Say it back, you idiot! You already thought it! At least a dozen times! Why can’t you just say it back?! Damnit!

The sofa underneath you suddenly felt too lumpy, the air in the room too stifling. You felt like your throat was going to close up until oxygen couldn’t pass through and when you tried to swallow and clear it, it just felt drier than a desert. You hoped Matt couldn’t sense the way your palms had been getting more and more sweaty and how your heart sped up as soon as he said those words. Panicked, all you could think to do was lunge forward and kiss him fiercely, feeling him relax into your kiss as he brought his hands up to card through your hair.

“But you still hate Amelia?” you joked

“I really do, yeah.” he chuckled, dejection painted across his face at the fact you had made a joke of what he thought should be a romantic milestone in your relationship

You shifted to sit beside him and leaned your head into his strong bicep, unable to handle looking at his lugubrious expression any longer.

“Any other suggestions?” you asked softly, hoping that if you just ignored it, the awkwardness would go away

“I still like Margaret best. After my mother?”

“Still a no from me, considering I haven’t even met the woman yet. And I don’t love the little you’ve told me about her.”

Matt sighed.

“We’ll get there.”

“What’s the hold up?”

Maybe the hold up was you couldn’t even bare to tell him out loud how you were feeling yet, doofus.

“I told you about how my relationship with her is still complicated?”

“Yeah.”

“I just don’t know if this,” he reached across your body to rub at your bump “will make it better or worse.”

“You— have you even told her about me? Or the baby?”

Now it was your turn to be hurt. Was Matt really that ashamed of you and this life you were building that he couldn’t tell his mom? He rubbed at his temple and sighed again.

“No, I’ve been avoiding seeing her lately.” he replied

“Oh yeah, that’ll fix all your issues.”

Matt’s eyes practically rolled out of his head at your sarcasm.

“Sweetheart, she’s a nun. I just know I’m going to be told how ‘children are a blessing’ and what not. Which is always what she says about all the kids she works with in the orphanage. Meanwhile, she couldn’t even walk five blocks to be a parent to me.”

Your heart broke for Matt, knowing how becoming a father was bringing up all this harm from his past. Would his mom want any relationship with your child? Seeing her possibly love this baby in the way she couldn’t love Matt might devastate him. You didn’t want to put him through that pain, but you wanted your child to know her grandmother.

“Plus, I know how she feels about unwed mothers, considering that’s the only reason she left the church and married my dad. I was an oopsie which is a huge no-no for Catholics,” he continued “She will absolutely bring up us getting married and I do not want to get into it.”

“Oh yeah? I assume she’ll want us to have a big ol’ Catholic wedding too?” you teased, trying to snap Matt out of his rant

“Yeah, but I— wait. Do you? I mean, would you ever want to?”

“Have a three hour wedding with 300 people I barely know watching in a stuffy old building? Um, no.”

“I meant marry me.”

You didn’t quite tense up as much at this mention of marrying Matt like you did at the doctor’s. Warming up to the idea that you and Matt were indeed a serious thing and with the baby on the way, in it for the long haul. It felt too good to be true still. A life, an actual stable and committed life from a man who was proving to you every day he would be there for you.

Mostly.

Except when he missed the gender appointment. You still hadn’t forgiven him for that. But even so, he made you feel seen, special, and even sometimes like you were worthy of the romance and attention he gave you.

You nervously plucked at a pilling spot on the upholstery beneath you, contemplating how to respond.

“Ma- Maybe? I don’t know?” you stammered “I’ve never considered it. Marriage that is! Not about you, specifically. Or anyone for that matter…”

The clacking of his tongue and the way his brows furrowed together let you know that was not the answer he wanted to hear. Wow, you were really winning in the ‘breaking Matt’s heart’ category today.

“Let’s maybe focus on the baby and getting her here and settled.” you offered taking Matt’s hand in yours and placing it on your bump.

You hoped it helped Matt to know it wasn’t a no, but just not something you were ready to think about yet.

“Right.” he agreed “And pick a name that doesn’t suck.”

Matt cowered as you picked up a throw pillow and swung it at him, smacking it away with a giggle.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Your picks don’t suck!” he plead, taking the pillow from you and tossing it aside “But really sweetie, have you looked over the stuff the doctor gave you? We should be thinking about our birth plan.”

“Our!? You’re not the one squeezing a watermelon out of a straw.”

Matt held his hands up in surrender.

“The plan is,” you continued “Go to hospital. Give birth. Fin.”

Matt rolled his eyes, leaning back on the couch and casually throwing his arm back around you.

“Har, har.” he replied sarcastically

“We’ve got time and right now I’m craving pretzels and peanut butter from that German deli in Midtown, so I can’t exactly think straight.”

“What about a home birth? In a birthing pool? Wouldn’t you be more comfortable here?”

“Drugs. Matthew. I need drugs.”

“Yeah? You don’t want to try a natural—”

“Watermelon. Straw.” you said firmly

“Right.”

He kissed the top of your head, pulling you in to a calming hug. Any reservations you gave him tonight clearly weren’t going to hold him back from still giving you his all.

“Whatever happens, I just want you and the baby healthy.”

“Me too.” you agreed

Those three little words you could feel were growing inside you and dancing in the wings ready to make their debut. Even with talk of marriage and him confessing it first, you couldn’t find the strength to say them yet.

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you for a few minutes as he continued to hold you.

“Matt?” you asked sheepishly, cutting through the peacefulness

“Yeah, yeah.” Matt nodded, standing up and grabbing his keys and wallet to head up to the German deli.

Another perk of dating a successful and popular lawyer was all the former clients he’d built relationships with, many of whom were happy to welcome Matt into their homes and lives as a thank you for all he did for them. Which is how you ended up at a prime table in the Upper West Side’s most popular restaurant on a busy Saturday night, with a complimentary appetizer and dinner already in your stomach. You were currently staring down an enormous slice of cake sitting on the plate in front of you that the waitress just dropped off. The head chef was a former client of Matt’s who he’d helped in a workers comp case and told him to ‘swing by any time’ for the best meal in town. Boy was he right.

“Hnnggg” the sounds you were making were downright pornographic, pregnancy hormones amplifying the taste of every thing. And right now, this chocolate cake was beyond indulgent.

“Am I at least going to get a bite?” Matt asked with a chuckle

You threateningly waved your fork in his direction as you ran your tongue along your teeth inside your mouth to ensure you tasted every single crumb.

The restaurant was cozy and down to earth, despite how decadent their dishes were. A South American and Italian infusion spot with moody lighting and enough nooks and crannies that your booth was incredibly private. Matt had been nursing a whiskey (also comped by the kitchen) all night and was more laid back than you’d seen him in a while.

You took another sip of your mocktail, preparing for another bite of the heaven-sent dessert.

“You never finished your story. What happened to Foggy and the girl from Punjabi 101?”

“Oh, she moved back to California and married her cousin.”

“You’re joking!”

You loved when Matt laughed, crinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes behind his glasses and his damn adorable smile beaming through the dark room.

“Nope. Broke Foggy’s heart. But it was for the best. He never would have gotten with Marcy if she’d stayed.”

“Did he take it the next term? Or drop it since she wasn’t around?”

“Oh no, he took it all 3 years of law school.”

“Has it ever once come in handy?”

“Nope.”

Your threw your head back in laughter, unable to control how amusing you found the story. Matt shook his head as if he was remembering many more stories he wasn’t saying out loud from his and Foggy’s yesteryears.

“Wow, so you and Foggy have been friends since law school?” you inquired

“Yeah, it’s why we started our firm together. He’s the best of the best and there’s no one I’d rather work with.”

“And he’s the reason you stopped, you know, your night job?”

Matt scowled at your question, fidgeting in his seat as he thought of his response. There was a look of melancholy on his face and it reminded you of how he looked when you’d had the conversation about his mother.

“Yes. He— he never liked that part of me. But he’d grown to accept it over the years.”

“And then?”

A despondent sigh left Matt’s lips as he brought his glass to his perfectly pouty lips and downed the rest of his whiskey. You regretted dampening the mood with such a sore subject. But you were curious. There was still so much about his life he hadn’t shared.

“He got hurt. He nearly died. His heart even stopped, I heard it. And it was my fault. Being Daredevil put the people I care about the most at risk.”

“What happened?”

Matt shook his head, waving his hand.

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’ll ruin the evening. Foggy’s mostly fine now. And I’m not him anymore.”

“And you’re happy about that? To not be him anymore?”

“I’m happy to not complicate my life any more than it already is.”

You stared at your now empty plate, wondering if Matt would ever want to go back to his vigilante life. It was compelling to you when you first discovered his secret, already finding Matt appealing just as the lawyer who bantered with you at work. But the danger of it all made him even sexier in your eyes; the double life, the rumors you’d heard about the type of people he hurt, the outfit. Now you just worried if there were people out there who still wanted revenge for all the years he spent keeping the city safe. Would they ever come after you or the baby?

“I can tell you why I started though.” Matt offered, a tinge of positivity in his voice as he leaned back in his chair

“Yeah?”

“When the accident happened, I was overwhelmed with it all. My hearing, sense of smell, all of it became sharper. I used to just lay awake in bed at night hearing so many sirens throughout the city. Then right after law school, I was in my first apartment. It was a real shit hole of a place. They don’t pay law interns well.”

You smiled at the thought of Matt in his early 20s, probably just as handsome but also adorable and awkward.

“Anyway, I heard it from down the block. A little girl. Her father was coming into her room at night after her mother had gone to bed.”

“Jesus. And you went right over to beat the shit out of the guy?”

“No, no. I did what you’re supposed to do; called the cops, filed a CPS report. But the asshole was clever, he did it in a way that didn’t leave a mark. I had spent the last 7 years in school and studying for the bar to use the system to help people. But then when it wasn’t working, I felt helpless. The law couldn't do anything to help that little girl. But I could. I knew his routine. Waited till he was alone.”

“Please tell me you killed the bastard.”

“No. I don’t kill. Catholic, remember?”

That fact surprised you a little. The stories throughout the city only told of Daredevil’s rage. You admired that Matt could keep it under control enough to not end a life.

“But last I heard” he continued “he’s still eating through a straw.”

Staring over at Matt quietly for a moment, you reached across the table to place your hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze. The way he had a sort of moral code made you proud and confirmed all that he had shown you so far; that he was a good man and would help raise your child to be a decent human. But the faltering in his voice when he said it made you think it might not be that simple.

“I didn’t realize it was an accident either.” you remarked “I just kind of assumed you’d always been blind.”

“No. I was 9 when it happened. The last thing I saw was my Dad.”

Your heart clenched at the mention of his father. From hints and passing comments in previous conversations, you knew Jack was very important to Matt. While you respected that he viewed him as a hero, you held a little bit of resentment towards the man for how he left this world. His stupid pride robbed Matt of a life with his dad in it and made much of his son’s life more difficult than it needed to be. You couldn’t even begin to imagine the aftermath of loosing him and the effects of it on a poor child. How the tragedy reverberated through Matt to this day and shaped nearly everything about him. All the more reason you were happy that Matt was not going out as Daredevil anymore. He told you he didn’t want to repeat his parents mistakes. He didn’t want this baby to loose her father.

“Is he who taught you to fight?” you asked “I mean, you didn’t just go out as the Devil one night with no skills. He was a boxer right?”

“Yeah. But he didn’t teach me. My dad wanted me to stay out of the ring, get my education and make something of myself. Stick taught me to fight.”

“Stick? Was that like a video game or?”

“Stick was a person. A person who I’m very glad is not around to force his way into our baby’s life.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

“That’s also a conversation for another time.”

You rolled your eyes. You really didn’t appreciate all the stonewalling from Matt tonight. He had demons, who didn’t? But trusting you with that information would only improve your ability to raise this baby together.

“We should head home, it’s getting late.”

The air was crisp as you walked arm and arm down the side walk, taking your time to saunter home and enjoy this cozy date night. You couldn’t help but glance over at Matt, his muscular figure and handsome face accentuated by the harsh shadows cast over him from the streetlights and general city glow.

“What? Do I have something in my teeth?”

He must have felt you staring.

“No.” you answered sheepishly

“Then what is it?”

“You just look really handsome tonight, that’s all.”

“Ah, so you’re ogling me?” he teased

“Oh stop. I can’t admire how attractive my boyfriend is?”

“Only if we talk about how beautiful you are tonight.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. The dress you’re wearing is silky, hugs your body close. I liked the way it felt when I helped you zip it up; cool against your soft skin. And I can tell you feel great in it cause you’re walking a little firmer, a little more confident than normal.”

“Yeah, but that’s not—”

“You smell great too,” he cut you off “I really like the new perfume you got.”

“Matt, I—”

“And your laugh — God! I could listen to it on a loop and not get tired of it.”

You could feel the flush rising in your cheeks. Was that really how Matt ‘saw’ you? Sure, you’d allow him touch your face from time to time, content to let him memorize every curve under his finger tips to get an idea of what you looked like. But he really payed attention to all the little details that you didn’t even think about to paint a picture of you.

“And I know it not just me, baby. There were a lot of hearts that sped up when we walked through the restaurant.”

“I’m 15 weeks pregnant, they were probably just thinking about what a whale I look like.”

The way he pursed his lips at your comment distracted you from how his hand was creeping up, reaching under your jacket to give you a tickle.

“Hey!” you giggled “Matty!”

He relented, broad grin clearly delighted by your reaction. His hand found yours, pulling you close to kiss you, still laughing into your lips as he did.

"I love you." he affirmed

"I know."

"Ah, the Han Solo. Classic." he teased, happy to still give you the space you needed until you were ready to say it back

“You’re trouble, Murdock.”

“Why’s that?”

“Cause all I wanted to do was go home and groan about how full I am from dinner. But now you’re making me want to go home and be full of something else.”

Matt quirked up his eyebrows at your forwardness, mind running through all the possibilities you had in mind.

“I guess I’m the good kind of trouble then?”

You rolled your eyes as you kissed him again. Matt’s arm slipped around your waist, holding you close. Though you flinched a little at the movement, worried he might tickle you again. His other hand roamed down your curves, coming to rest on your bottom and giving it a flirty squeeze.

“Matthew! We’re in public.”

“Oh come on sweetheart, I’m listening closely and no one’s on the block right now. We could hide in that door way and—”

Matt paused suddenly, eyes darting back and forth behind his glasses. He did that thing when he heard something, tilting his head like a dog to a whistle. You hated when he did that, your anxiety rising wondering if he just heard a car honk or something more sinister.

“What? Matt, what is it?”

Matt didn’t answer, keeping both hands on your waist as he stepped back and squatted down.

“I can hear it.” he finally spoke, barely above a whisper.

“Hear what?”

“The baby. I can hear her heartbeat. It’s faint. And fast. But it’s there.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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[knowbites]

　　　I GUESS I'M IN LOVE　　۶ৎ　　kim seungmin.

☕　────　you're everything that i want but i didn't think i'd find ..

⠀ ksm x f reader !⠀⠀6, 3 k.⠀⠀fluff, college au⠀⠀ 𓈀 ⠀⠀ wc.⠀⠀descriptions of social anxiety, getting drunk and kisses. this is based on a personal experience, but it's also based on the love of my life @skzms 's drabble "seungmin in love" which you should check out!

notes.⠀⠀i hope may doesn't mind i bring this back... on her bday <3 (and hour late but let's pretend) happy, happy bday mayy! my lovely teri asked me to post it again because she really liked it, so i saved it for your bday. i listened to i guess i'm in love by clinton kane while writing this btw!

You had never mustered the courage to talk to a boy until university made you come out of your shell.

The morning you had stepped into the lecture hall for the first time, ready to listen to the dean of your faculty give the introductory talk, you had sat alone in one of the front rows—hanging on every word, your heart racing restlessly. You hadn't known anyone among the crowd, and you had decided you would rather focus on the speech, secretly hoping some extrovert would adopt you, than take the first step and start an interaction with a stranger.

But making new friends wasn’t as easy as your high school besties, studying in another town, had made it sound.

You had been shy since you were a child, feeling a sense of panic creeping up your chest at the mere thought of you ending up alone but unable to do something about it, and you were incapable of approaching someone and starting a conversation from scratch. Your fear had always been a prison and the guardian of an anxiety that swirled inside your ribcage, but at college it translated as the number one reason why you had ended up hiding in that lonesome table at the library during all your free hours, instead of hanging out with classmates.

Everyone was new in the first year, most of them didn't know anyone either, but unlike them, you had felt that an invisible wall separating you from them, preventing you from mingling with other students and interacting properly. Not that you wanted to—sometimes you thought you were better off alone, with your music and your inner peace—but there were times when the solitude became suffocating.

Until you met Kim Seungmin. Quiet boy with warm coffee gaze and broad shoulders, usually sitting in the front rows, focused on your professors’ words.

You hadn't spoken to him, at least not at first. You hadn't even realised he existed, at the beginning. You were too scared, mind set on the classes to avoid noticing the silence that clouded your room, and he was just another classmate in the core subjects shared by all those who studied the same degree as you. He smiled softly at the jokes of the teachers he liked, became more serious in the most difficult lectures, and tried not to show his exasperation when the annoying student in the first line of desks made their trademark rancid comment. By late October, you hadn’t even known his name.

But eventually, you found yourself waiting for those little reactions. Like you, he also showed up ten minutes before the first class started, sitting alone, and he also came to school with his headphones on, drowning out all the noise in the corridors with some music. He would arrive with his dark blue backpack slung over one of his shoulders, and a book in his hand—the same one he would read for a while before the professor arrived. You smiled to yourself as you watched him, writing down the titles of his readings, looking forward to the classes you shared with him.

And then you saw him appear for the first time in the library. You were already a regular visitor of the silent place, always at one of the more secluded tables, your back to the wall, your laptop a shield protecting you from the other people in the room. And he had slipped quietly in, ears covered by his black headphones, leaving his backpack on the table in front of yours. For a moment you had stood still, your fingers hovering over the keyboard, the word on your document half-typed, your breath caught in your throat.

And then you had looked away, going on with your work.

It was stupid to react like that for someone you didn't even know.

Right?

But the next day you repeated your little choreography, sitting opposite of each other, in complete silence, a calm and concentrated reflection of your own, right in front of you, as if there was a mirror in the middle of the tables. And the next day, and the next, and the next... For weeks, until it became a habit between the two of you.

You would leave class a little late, too, just because you knew it took him longer to collect his belongings, and you'd follow each other's shadows through the corridors until you reached the library. He would hold the door, a shy gentleman stopping in its tracks to let you in first, and you would smile sweetly at him. You would walk up to your designated table, and when you lent him the book you had used to find out information about a homework topic, he'd return the soft curve in your lips, showing his braces without an ounce of insecurity.

Not a word, but you didn’t need them to feel at ease in each other’s company.

You were comfortable with your dynamic because you didn't think you had any expectations. You didn't think you did. But as the days went by, you started to find him among people even when you weren't looking for him. Your friends, with whom you exchanged text messages, encouraged you to say hello, to introduce yourself, making you think that he could really be interested in you. And you'd let them, flushing at the thought of it. Then exam season had come around, and you had locked yourself in your dorm room to study—realising, in his absence, the impact he had left on your heart.

In February, you returned to your routine. And instead of facing the feelings that had been blooming even before spring, you welcomed back the habits you had implemented with Seungmin, happy to find that the time apart hadn't changed them. You hadn't really made a move, neither of you, but you were alone in your little bubble, and so you continued to meet at your library spot.

But by the second semester, the people around you had already got used to college life. The one you saw in the movies, going out half the nights of the week, hanging out in large groups of friends in the evenings, complaining about professors and gossiping in class. That comfort, you discovered, meant that there were people who would try to make more friends, or seek out a college crush that would motivate them to romanticise their lives.

One of the last days of winter—when the weather got warmer but still rainy— you realised that there was another girl waiting for Seungmin at the end of your class. A more outgoing and prettier one, the kind who always gave the right answers to the teacher and had a bunch of cool friends she hung out with. You heard her asking him if he could explain to her the latest topic discussed in class over a latte in the building’s cafeteria. And your heart sunk in your chest.

You had been waiting for him, like you had learned to do, in the edge of the door—ready to shamelessly accompany each other to the next lecture—, but staying there while the girl flirted with him made you feel uneasy, like you were intruding in the intimacy of her charming smile and casual brushes of her hand on his arm. A creep, in the corridor, witnessing what you couldn’t have. What you would never be able to be like. So you had ended up leaving. Without him.

That had been the first day you had gone to the library alone since your non-arranged meetings had taken place there, and you’d had to open the door for yourself. It had hurt, somehow. Like a dog so used to having a delicious meal when the bell rang that he started to salivate at the sound of it. You had taken the same steps every day, stopped in the same spot and waited for him to open the door for you with that silly bow he always did. 

But when you arrived at the door, your mind chose to forget how to wrap your hand around the handle. As if it wasn’t right because he was the one supposed to do it. Dragging yourself to a table that suddenly seemed emptier, you realised that you missed his smile. His steady presence, right by your side.

It hadn’t made sense, the way your heart jumped in your chest every time you noticed someone approaching your table. He was just a classmate. You hadn’t even talked that much, besides a quiet ‘Good morning’ and the usual nods of acknowledgement when you saw each other. Seungmin. The boy attending the same degree as you, another student in the faculty. But somehow you had grown accustomed to him as a constant—especially because there were so many absences in your life, it was easy to notice when he was gone.

And it had scared you. For a moment, thinking you had taken things way too far, that you had let the attachment blossom under your own watch. Wondering if it was unhealthy, the intensity, the muchness you carried with yourself. If you were somewhat broken, unable to keep normal relationships with the people around you, or it was just an illness you had no control over.

You had wished, as it usually happened, that you were braver.

Instead, the next day you skipped class.

A coward, really. You had only missed the class you knew you shared with Seungmin, and you had felt guilty enough. You'd gone to the interactive seminars without fail, your mind scattered and an emptiness in your chest, but you hadn't been able to purposely attend the same class as him. You would have felt compelled to talk to him, to greet him or ask him about the girl from the day before, and at the same time you hadn't felt able to deal with it. So you had spent the day thinking you were an absolute coward, not fully understanding why your brain worked the way it did.

But an afternoon of self-loathing and overthinking, curled up on the sofa in the common room of the dorm一all a wandering gaze and sad music playing softly in your headphones一, made you realise that you had gone numb. Stuck. For a long time, imprisoned in the confines of your own mind, shackled to what people could say about you and the overwhelming burden of failing. To avoid bothering or speaking out, to reduce yourself to a shadow of what you could be so that the people around you could shine brighter.

And it didn't seem fair at all.

So you had muttered a quiet ‘fuck it’ under your breath.

The following day, early in the morning, on the bus一on your way to class一, you had managed to gather the courage to talk to a boy. For the first time, and all by yourself. To that boy.

You had approached him before class, slipping into a seat one line forward of where he was, taking a deep breath of air and exhaling it as you had tried to keep your nerves under control, eyes tightly closed. With your pulse racing, you had turned, resting one of your hands on his desk and catching his attention by waving softly. He had looked up from the intertwined sentences of his book, closing it as soon as he saw it was you addressing him, and you enjoyed a few more seconds of your tender bubble, his brownish gaze all over you, before bursting it.

Your words had been quick and breathy, stammering over possible coffees and shared hours, your eyes anywhere in the class but on his face. Your cheeks got incredibly heated when he responded calmly, a mask of stillness in contrast to the chaos of emotions spiralling inside him, and you had only interrupted the conversation when the teacher finally began the lesson, heart pounding against your ribcage.

But you had done it! Stepping out of your comfort zone, and risking your carefully threaded silence, your convenient and easy peace, just to approach someone. In return, you got the chance to spend time with Seungmin, and the exhilaration of a new achievement.

That was the first free hour of your strict schedule you had disrupted your way to the library in favour of a trip to the cafeteria. You had felt that warmish touch in your shoulder every time his had brushed yours, and a burst of pride inside your chest when you had realised you were finally enjoying something you had worked for—even if it was as silly as hanging out with a not so new friend.

You had heard him order an iced americano with syrup, greeting the lady behind the counter with rehearsed confidence, and waiting—his gaze tracing across the profile of your face—for you to ask for what you wanted. Then he had guided you to one of the tables at the back, letting you sit on the bench with its back against the wall. Almost as if, somehow, he knew that it was what you preferred.

For a moment  you had wanted to get your hopes up, to think that he actively thought of you as much as you had thought of him, but it didn't actually make any sense. So you had sighed, setting your bag down beside you, and intertwined your own fingers in a nervous gesture.

You had been the one to propose the plan, but you realised then that you had been so sure he would say ‘no’ that you hadn't planned any further.

You had wandered your gaze in silence, steadily, slowly, trying not to meet his at any point, your shyness forcing stitches of thread on your lips, unable to utter a word. At least until the waitress had appeared with her tray and your drinks, and Seungmin's raspy ‘thank you’ broke through your bubble. You had uttered your own appreciation, no sound actually coming out of your throat, but the beginning of a smile tugged at your lips when he managed to continue a conversation that hadn't existed until then, asking you how you had adjusted to the lectures, to college, and how was life at your dorm.

And then you let loose like a torrent. The stuttering edges of your mouth had tightened, answering in few words and short sentences how your university experience had been going until then, daring even to lock your eyes with his when you returned the question, painfully eager to hear him speak. And as he told a story similar to yours, albeit with many more friends than you had, you had reached your trembling hands towards your cup, taking it and sipping a small amount of coffee.

You had tried not to let it show, but the bitterness of the drink enveloped your taste buds in a flavour you were not used to. Your eyebrows furrowed as you winced, swallowing the thick liquid in one gulp, avoiding triggering your gag reflex, and when you looked back at Seungmin, you noticed he had been watching you like a hawk. He had tilted his head, almost like a puppy would have, and picked up the cup you had just set down, wetting his lips to taste it. He had opened his eyes slightly, almost comically, and muttered what you both were thinking: “This is not what you ordered.”

Then he had gotten up to go reclaim it.

You had felt the heat rise up your neck and settle on your cheeks, unable to believe what had just happened, and watched from your warm seat as the boy spoke to the woman he had greeted earlier. She was surprised and certainly apologetic because of the confusion, and he had shared a complicit grin with you while she repeated the whole process of making from scratch what you had ordered in the first place.

It had been Seungmin's gentle words when he finally returned, treating the porcelain with extreme care so as not to spill the contents, that made you suppress the apology you had had at the tip of your tongue. Perhaps he had decided that it was his responsibility—that the barista had mistaken the order—, but he had stood up for you because he had wanted to. You could read it on his face.

“Thank you so much,” you had said, a shy smile curving your lips, brushing his knuckles with your fingers as you took the new mug. You had closed your eyes to smell the sweet, thick hot chocolate you loved so much, sighing dreamily against it. “You didn't have to.”

Spring was coming to an end, but the mornings were still tinged with a freezing air that bothered you, because you never knew what to wear to class—when you got out of the dorm it was cold, but as soon as midday struck, the sun heated more than usual. So you had told Seungmin when you had opened your eyes and realised that he had been watching you again, but you tried not to retreat into the bashfulness that had kept you from interacting with him for so long.

You had been ready to get out of your comfort bubble once and for all, and having a conversation with someone who in your thoughts was no longer a stranger seemed like the natural option.

After that moment, it had been relatively easy. The words had flowed between you, asking each other about your lives and replying with more questions, exchanging anecdotes, dropping little jokes that elicited laughter, lost in each other’s gaze. As easy as breathing, the minutes passing by on the clock without even being aware of it, learning to read a new language—a new person—, through what you told each other. Opinions and experiences, comments and compliments, engaged in a dance that only you knew, until the alarm on your phone had started ringing, and you had realised you were late.

You had apologised with hurried syllables, quickly packing up, waving goodbye, and heading hastily towards the counter to pay for your drink. You had been surprised when the woman indicated that Seungmin had already taken care of it, and you had looked back for a few seconds to give him a beaming smile. He had mirrored it, leaning against the table you had been sitting at, and waved his hand in response. It had been when you got into the bus, on the way to the restaurant where you had agreed to meet your sister for lunch, that you had realised you hadn't asked him for his phone number.

Apparently, you hadn’t been the only one to think so.

The morning after your disaster of a first conversation, you had arrived early. You had sat in the third row, the fourth seat, just like you always did. And you had begun to doodle in your notebook, deep in thought, until you heard someone clearing their throat next to you. You had looked up, startled, until Seungmin made an exaggerated gesture of asking if he could sit next to you, and you managed not to burst out laughing at his antics when the teacher had come through the door to start the class.

And it had been when you had barely been able to keep your eyes open, the teacher's voice lulling you into a light sleepy state, that you noticed the tip of Seungmin's finger brushing your arm. You had turned slightly, ignoring the shiver that ran down your spine, and instead of questioning what he wanted, you found a sheet of paper folded over the pen that had slipped from your hand. You had opened it discreetly, glancing at Seungmin out of the corner of your eye, curious, and didn’t even bother to suppress the grin that curved your lips as you read a tight “Can I have your phone number?” in his collected handwriting.

You had written it down quickly, going over each digit twice to make sure there could be no confusion, and slid it across the table for Seungmin to tuck it away. You had nodded goodbye to him as the bell rang, parting ways, him going to the opposite side of the corridor, to another class. You had grabbed your bag, and sighed, not so keen to attend your remaining lecture.

At least until twenty minutes into it your phone screen lit up, receiving a new notification.

from: unknown number: hey, is it true that mr choi’s classes are soo boring? or my contact in his classes has shamelessly lied to me?

The contact in Professor Choi's class was you, because you had complained the day before about his classes to Seungmin, and the unknown number had to be him. You put the phone under the table, hoping the teacher wouldn't notice, and typed in the answer:

from: me mmm, you shouldn’t trust your contact they wouldn’t be boring if you were here

from: seungmin 🫶🏼 naah, i bet my classes wouldn’t be boring if my contact could attend them

from: me you can't use my own sentence as an answer that's like cheating

from: seungmin 🫶🏼 would it be cheating if i bribe you with another cup of hot chocolate?

from: me whatever you say, lover boy

You had tried to imagine Seungmin’s reaction, your subconscious tricking you with images of him blushing in the middle of his class, and left the phone in your bag. That interaction had made your entire day.

From then on, you continued to develop your friendship, intertwining yourselves like a tangled vine, unable to separate from each other. You shared more hours in the library, actually talking in between classes—in between and during classes—, and even hanging out together in some afternoons, when the summertime was closer and you ignored the upcoming exams with his guitar and iced tea in the park.

You too learned to enjoy the revising period leading up to the finals season, by exchanging knowing glances and turning boring lessons into jokes. You left your quiet table for the privacy of your dorm room, and he became comfortable enough to stop acting shy and feel like in his own home. You helped each other take breaks when the stress got too much, and explained what you knew better if the other one couldn’t quite understand the subject. He was the perfect study partner, and it had reflected in your grades, none of which had dropped below a C.

At the end of finals, once you had finished your second term and the beginning of your degree at college, Seungmin had invited you to one of the pubs his friends had shown him. He wanted to properly celebrate a successful academic year, and excused himself for not inviting them—he wasn’t ashamed of you, he just hadn't wanted them to say anything stupid in front of you.

But you hadn’t missed them, and neither did he. With a glass in his hand, he had followed you to the dance floor every time you had asked, his neck flushed and his eyes shying away from your figure when he realised the alcohol had disinhibited you enough to move your hips freely, flirting non-stop. It had been a memorable night, though you hadn’t kept a lot of memories, just inebriated snippets. When three in the morning struck, he was the one who escorted you to your dorm, just to make sure you got there safely, and you had been the one who drunkenly begged him to stay with you.

He woke up in the same bed as you, limbs intertwined, and almost dizzy at the softness of your skin against his.

The following summer break had distanced you a bit, each enjoying a couple of months of relaxation back with your family, although you did text weekly to each other with updates about your lives. But September started, and when the second semester began, it did so with many hours of late arrivals to class—something you hated, but which was certainly more bearable in his company and because of him.

You would gather together as soon as you arrived at the faculty on one of the benches by the entrance—him sitting comfortably with his ankle on his thigh, you with your knees against your chest, jumping from conversation to conversation until the bell started ringing. It always startled you, the high pitched, thundering sound, and you would always run up the stairs together, to get to class before the teacher.

You had learned to cope with it because somehow the stress of being late was compensated by the way Seungmin would touch you so he wouldn't lose you in the corridors. Hovering behind you, like a guard dog, guiding you to your class with his hand resting on the small of your back, making sure you got in before he wandered off into the crowd in search of his own, in case you didn't share it.

And in the free hours you had gotten to know his friends, or at least some of them. The first time had been in a class that had been cancelled last minute, on your way to the library, when you had seen Seungmin’s silhouette in the cafeteria, his broad shoulders framing the back of the chair. You had felt a little bit awkward at first, but still greeted them both—the short boy and the narrowed-eyed one—with a bashful smile, before asking them if they would let you sit in the chair by Seungmin’s side.

You had seen the knowingly smirks, and also their suspicious gazes, but they had made you feel like a long time friend of theirs, so you had shaken the creepy feeling out of your body. You had stayed silent most of the conversation, listening to their jokes and anecdotes, smiling upon the fact that they treated Seungmin like a brother—teasing him to death. And from then on you had always found a free seat by his side in your gatherings.

Your easiness with them, with Changbin and Jeongin, had solidified at about the same time you accepted that Seungmin just saw you as one of the group, and you had tried to stop getting your hopes up. Throughout the academic year, you had begun to participate in more conversations with his friends, becoming a little bit more social around them, and even actively participating in class, interacting with classmates and getting to know some girls with whom you thought a friendship could develop.

You had noticed Seungmin had been turning somewhat distant, but with your mandatory Friday movie nights and your weekly coffee dates—hot chocolate for you, he made sure they didn't mess it up again—, you assumed he had simply decided that he had more priorities, or had found himself so comfortable in your presence he didn't feel he had to contact you every second of his day. You were fine with having any part of him he decided to share with you.

At least until the beginning of your third year, the night of Minho’s birthday celebration. That October night you arrived late to the restaurant where the group had decided to hang out in, and the place where you normally sat, to Seungmin's right, was occupied by a freckle-faced blond you had seen around the dorm on some occasion. You greeted Seungmin with a quick kiss on the cheek, giving a high five to Jeongin, and went straight to the birthday boy, to congratulate him with a tight hug.

You had spent the whole week crocheting cute fruit-shaped hats for his cats, just because of a joke you two had, and Minho’s genuine reaction to the gift was to stand up, take you in his arms and turn you around, both of you giddily giggling.

You remembered that he had told you he couldn’t wait to get home to try them on his babies, and you commented that it was a crime for him to be all alone at the end of the table on such a special day. With that excuse, you sat next to him, leaning like two old oaks so that you could hear each other over the music, your knees touching and his arm over your chair, keeping you in his embrace.

At one point, after the whole group had gathered, during the dinner, when you followed Minho’s unfocused gaze directed at Seungmin, you discovered such a hard acrimony in his usually warm coffee eyes that you thought you had done something awfully wrong.

After that weird, tense moment, he didn't approach you during what was left of the night, not even to accompany you home, like he usually did.

You tried to talk to him about what had happened the next day, texting him when you woke up in your bed and he wasn't by your side. Seungmin, who normally would have been curled up against one of your pillows, didn't even bother to answer your message.

When you asked him again in the middle of the corridor, at the faculty, before a class you two didn't even share, you got no answer. You saw him building up anger and complex emotions inside, his narrowed eyes as transparent with his emotions as he usually was, but he refused to utter a word, leaving you to attend your lecture.

The absence of that trust you had thought you shared broke your heart.

And yet, that very same night he showed up at the university party night that Jeongin had organised—Thursdays were his favourite days to go out—still frowning. He arrived at the pub without even looking at you, as if it pained him to see you, deliberately sitting at the other end of the table.

That was the second time since the two of you had met that you weren't next to each other. You thought you shouldn't have been so sickenly desperate for his attention, so instead of begging for it, you just ordered a drink.

After the first sip, they just kept on coming.

You pretended not to care. For a few hours, you managed to make it seem real. But then that boy approached you, with the soft look Seungmin always gave you, and the same wide smile he reserved just for you… So you decided that knowing that you were willing to lie to yourself, at least you should get something out of it.

He took you to the dance floor, his polite hands sticking to holding you by your waist, and swayed to the rhythm of the music, his body pressed to yours. You pretended, again, it was him, and not this boy you couldn't even remember the name of. He was nice and gentle, and you had drunk a little bit too much, so when he slid his hands to your hips, and his mouth hovered dangerously close to yours, you couldn't help but allow it.

You exhaled a laugh over his lips, beaming smile under the coloured lights of the pub, and even though his body didn't feel right pressed to yours—it wasn't Seungmin's—you opened your mouth unders his when he kissed you, messy and hungry, and you kissed him back just as eagerly.

But the spell melted on your fingers as you parted, and you found all the details in his face that made him so different from Seungmin. He really wasn’t him, even if you had tried to pretend it did, and all the suppressed feelings flooded off you, eyes drawing in unshed tears.

You had apologised to him, again and again as you escaped his embrace, wandering around the dance floor until you collided with Changbin. He gave you a bright smirk, asking you how you were doing with Wonwoo, but the tragic pout that formed on your lips made him react, taking you by your shoulders and interrogating you about the guy, Wonwoo, trying to understand if he had crossed a line with you, if you were okay.

All you had managed to do was deny, before drunkenly asking him to take you home.

It was a terrible night. For you, crying for a certainty that felt heavy in your heart, throwing up until the first lights of dawn, and for him, who stayed and nursed you to sleep. And it was also terrible to wake up, when you realised you were alone in your flat. Alone, tangled in your sheets, and the alarm clock ringing, reminding you that you had a schedule to follow, and you had to go to class.

Seungmin was not on your self proclaimed bench when you arrived, as he hadn't been since Minho's birthday, but you sat down to wait for him anyway—just in case. And when the bell rang you walked up the stairs, slowly, hungover, like a ghost wandering the corridors of the faculty, ignoring the professor's disapproving face when you interrupted his speech by opening the door of the class. You paid no attention to his words, sitting down and doodling on your notebook, enduring as best you could the hour that lasted, leaving as soon as it was over.

You skipped the next one. It wasn't responsible, you knew, but it hadn't been responsible either to go to a pub on a weekday, and you had still attended to Jeongin's invitation. If the consequences to your actions were going to be going back to your dorm to sleep some more, you were glad to comply.

The quietness of the library sounded good, too, but it held too many memories.

So you put on your headphones, drowning the background noises to nothingless. And you wandered back to your dorm, weighted steps over the pavement, gaze sliding around the landscape… Until you saw him.

With his navy blue backpack slung over his shoulder, and the brown sweatshirt you had stolen from him in some chilly afternoons. He was going to class, you supposed, when you made eye contact with him. But you forced yourself to ignore him, continuing on your way.

You couldn't face him. All you could think about was the way he had avoided you, even when you had asked him why, and how you had kissed another boy just because it looked like him. You went upstairs in your building, the necessity to get as far as possible from him bubbling in your chest, walking through the doors of the elevator.

You knew he had followed you, but you wanted to be able to ignore him too.

Until you heard him.

“I love you,” he whispered, and you stopped dead in your tracks, paralysed. He then repeated it, this time louder. “I love you, I’m so sorry but I love you.”

Your breath got caught in your throat as you turned around slowly, utterly convinced that it was your imagination.

You took your headphones out, letting them rest around your neck, and looked at him—watched his expression. But his kicked out, glassy eyes were a reflection of how you actually felt, the waterline of his pretty eyes covered by a bubble of unreleased tears, and brows pitched.

You didn't feel as hungover anymore.

‘Ding!’

You reacted before the doors of the elevator closed, pressing the button on the panel, and took a trembling step out of it, into the hallway.

He looked tortured. His cheeks were coloured red, flushed with the shame that let you know everything you could think was true. Still, he was looking at you with a devotion you doubted he could feel towards you, like you hung the stars in the sky. But you had heard him.

Had you?

“What do you mean you love me?” you asked, and you hated the way your voice quivered.

“Don't—” he said, and he paused, like he knew he could mess everything up in seconds. “I love you. I hadn't realised, or maybe I did, but I hadn't accepted it until a couple of weeks ago.”

“What—”

“I love you, and I'm sorry because I've been an asshole about it, and you didn't deserve it,” he added, interrupting you. You shut your mouth, trying to understand what he was implying. “I got so jealous… When—You spent the whole night with him, and he did it on purpose, and I couldn’t—And then you kissed him and I—I didn't know what to do with what I felt about it—About you.”

He locked his eyes with yours, and he looked so broken it was almost tragic. But you were putting together the pieces of his improvised, chaotic speech—he was talking about Minho, about you, about you two—, and you couldn't help the smile tugging at your lips.

You nodded, taking a step towards him.

He seemed frozen in the middle of the hall, frozen as you approached him, air caught at his throat as you slid a hand over his shoulder, like you always did before hugging him. You looked up, innocent beam in you eyes, and whispered into the shell of his ear:

“I love you too.”

His breath hitched, your mouth close to the corner of his lips, and his heartbeats quickened under your hand as you rested it on his chest, mirroring yours.

And then you kissed him. Eyes closed, devouring his sweet sighs as he pressed you to his body, backpack long forgotten on the floor. You kissed him, and his relieved smile, as you grinned into his mouth, sliding your hand up until you buried it into his hair. And he took you by your waist, and he hummed into you, and you breathlessly giggled when he pushed you into the wall at your back.

“I love you too,” you repeated, kissing him again and again, and you couldn't understand his answer but his lips were over yours again, carving those three words into your mouth.

ㅤㅤwith love ,　© mars.　do not copy, translate, repost, share this work as yours on other platforms or feed it to the ai !　🔭 ˚. ⋆͏

[reminiscentreader]

HEY GUYS!! its been ages since i wrote so please bare with but i really wanted to write a little something inspired by this post i made about grayson, rohan and mattias!

for backround context this is about a year after the grandest game takes place :)

-

More brothers…?

savannah, gigi and lyra invite their others halves out to dinner, determined to make them get along, they escape, forcing the boys to get along

-

Lyra -

It was exactly 8pm, and the plan was in place.After sitting in her bathtub (hiding from Grayson) for exactly an hour while The twins and her discussed “operation make thanksgiving less awkward this year” as Gigi called it. Lyra was finally ready.

Quietly she slipped out of the hotel bathroom and back into the room to see what Grayson was up to. “Gray?” she called out, careful not to let her voice give anything away. “You almost done, we have to leave in five minutes you know.” Grayson look up from the bed he had dramtically thrown himself over an hour ago, and had seemingly not moved from…

*one hour earlier*

Lyra sat down next to the mirror Grayson was currently stood in front fiddling with his tie, “you know how we’re going to dinner with the twins right?” Grayson side-eyed her suspiciously, “yes?”

“well I forgot to tell you theres gonna be some other.. guests.” Grayson whipped around to stare at her. “No..” Lyra cast him a nervous smile. “Im not going.” Lyra rolled her eyes, “yes, yes you are.”

-

The whole walk from the hotel to the fancy ferrari outside, Grayson kept his eyes focused on the floor, only occasionally grumbling about some “how slate is a evil bitch,” or “Rohan is a cocky bastard, i hate him.” like a whining toddler.

“You know Gray..” Lyra said, slinging her arm through his, “I think it would be good for you to try and get to know them a bit more, I think you guys are more alike than you think.” As expected Grayson ignored her suggestion.

-

Rohan -

Rohan had been in lots of situations in his life, but none as awkward as this. Savannah spoke with Gigi and Lyra at the end of the table, what they were speaking about, Rohan didnt even want to know. While at his side of the table, Gigi’s boyfriend, Slate, he’d been told, shifted awkwardly as Grayson Hawthorne stared daggers at them from the opposite side of the table. He’d told Savannah he didn’t mind missing out (translation- he was about to do anything to get out of it.) but she’d insisted, and by the looks on the faces of the other boys, Gigi and Lyra had done the same.

They had just ordered drinks when Lyra suddenly stood up and announced that the three girls were going on a trip to the bathroom. “Do all three of you have to go at once?” Grayson raised a curious eyebrow. In response the girls ignored him and walked off, giggling togther as they did.

-

Gigi -

Ditching the boys had been her idea, obviously. After lots of careful thought and consideration they decided the best route out was the bathroom window, so here they were, three girls in tiny minidresses attempting to sneak out the tiny window in the tiny bathroom.

Once they were out they began to make there was down the high street, “Are we sure this is a good idea?” Savannah queried, “I mean, what if they start a fight and get arrested, I am not bailing anyone out.” Lyra rolled her eyes at Savannahs doubtfulness, “Sav, it’ll be fine, I told Grayson he better be on his best behaviour tonight, or else.” She suddenly pointed at shop, “look!!” Lyra grabbed Gigis arm, “We should so go get ice cream!” Lyra stalked off across the street gesturing for Savannah and Gigi to follow.

-

“Any arrests for three men fighting with eachother in a top notch italian restaurant yet Savannah?” Gigi asked, eyeing Savannah who had been anxiously checking her phone for at least ten minutes, “none yet.. What could they possibly be doing if theyre not fighting?”

“Having a brood-off contest?” Lyra suggested

-

Grayson -

Grayson Hawthorne has lived through more than his fair share of bad days in his life, but nothing he’d been through before could compare to this. The girls had been gone for almost twenty minutes now, he wasn’t nervous, he knew from the beginning Lyra had been planning something.

“So um- should we go look for them?” Slate piped up. It was the first time anyone had spoken since the girls left.

“no.” Grayson and Rohan said simultaneously, Grayson glared at him, as if he dared steal Grayson words. Rohan glared right back, “Don’t get your knickers in a twist Hawthorne, none of us wanted to be here.” Grayson rolled his eyes, “Oh yeah? well I bet I wanted to be here the least.”

“If it’s competition,” Slate started, “it’s actually probably me.” The three of them all death stared each other, well it was more the two of them glaring at Grayson, who stared right back. He wasn’t one to back down from a competition. “Lets play a game, two truths and a lie.” Rohan proposed breaking the ultimate brooding competition. “Seriously?” Slate raised an eyebrow, “We aren’t twelve.”

“You dont have to play,” Rohans gaze shifted to Grayson. He now had two options he could a) turn down the game and live without spilling his secrets to the two men he hated most, or b) accept the challenge. Hawthornes never turned down a good game so he went for the latter. “I’ll play.” he announced, Rohan clapped his hands togther, “brilliant, I’ll go first.”

”First, I used some slighty unmoral methods to win the game, second, I was drowned multiple times as a child and lastly,” Rohan side-eyed Grayson, A mischievous glint in his eye, “Savannah is Preg-“ Rohan didn’t even get to finish the word before his shirt was fisted by Grayson leaning over the side of the table. “You are not as funny as you think you are.” Grayson glared, making sure he gave Rohan what he hoped was a clear message with his eyes. “Ok i’ll do another one. I have always wanted brothers.” Rohan was quiet for a moment before asking who wanted to go next, Luckily for Grayson, Slate offered.

Slate had finished his turn and Grayson was just about to start his, when three loud giggly girls pushed through the door holding empty ice cream tubs. “So much for going to the bathroom,” Grayson raised a suspicious eyebrow at Lyra who had thrown herself across his lap. “Turns out!” Gigi announced, “there is an ice cream machine in the bathrooms, how authentic!” the three of them exchanged glances. “Did you boys have fun while we were gone?” Lyra queried, Grayson looked at Slate, and then at Rohan, “we had… quite a fine time, thank you sweetheart.” Lyra beemed at him. “thats great! now who wants more wine”

The rest of the night passed with embarrassing stories and far too much wine, and by the end of it, Grayson felt a sense of happiness deep in his stomach that had replaced the usual crippling anxiety, he also found himself, glad, that he had come, but his mind still lingered on what Rohan had said “I’ve always wanted brothers.” Grayson was at no shortage of brothers, or just siblings in general.

ROHAN -

They all left the restaurant at around midnight, and as Grayson tipped all the staff and paid the bill, Rohan couldn’t stop thinking about the night they’d had, Rohan had never, ever had friends in his life, but tonight he had felt a small sense of camaraderie towards Grayson and Slate.

Before Rohan and Savannah left in their car, Rohan felt a small tap on his shoulder, he turned and was surprisingly met with Grayson Hawthorne Greek god esque face. “If you want brothers Rohan, Im happy to lend you some of mine.” Grayson managed an awkward smile resembling that of a twelve year old boy forced to take photos next to a nice looking tree, before striding off. For a while, Rohan wondered if it was something Lyra had put him up to, but Lyra seemed to have no idea Grayson had even left her side. So for once in his life, maybe, just maybe, Rohan thought, he had a friend… maybe even a brother.

—-

BAHHH IM SO SORRY FOR SO MANY THINHS

IM SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK

IM SORRY FOR HOW SHITTY THIS IS

IM SORRY FOR HOW RUSHED IT IS

IM SORRY FOR HOW OOC EVERYONE IS I JUST WANTED TO WRITE A HEALED VERSION OF THIS

IM SORRY THAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CUTE FIC OF EVERYONE BUT JUST TURNED INTO ROHANXGRAYSON ROMANCE

p.s @me-h1m i know you were patiently waiting for this

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I cannot help but imagine whenever Leona's boobies get brought up in this blog Miss Raven looming over a desk with a cork board on the wall filled with pictures of Leona that have been zoomed in and cutted out from various photos taken throught the 3 years he's been at NRC, one giant magnifying glass in her hand that is about the size of her head like this is a major crime that needs to be invesitgated with the outmost attention, there are post-it notes everywhere, she's hunched over a table with all the lights out and one lamp on her desk on like she's some sort of noir detective about to make a major break through in a murder mistery case when the real mistery she's investigating is Leona's cup size

(Crowley walks in deciding to be a "good parental figure" for once and have some quality bonding time with miss Raven, he bursts in, and is... kind of worried for miss Raven? Who is always going on about wanting to be a proper lady but is currently displaying very... concerning behaviour, or at least, he's concerned for her, should he try and talk to her? Should he give her a... "parental intervention" of sorts? He's not sure but quickly decides its actually none of his business so he just closes the door and forgets he ever saw anything)

I DON'T TALK ABOUT L*ONA'S BOOBS/FIGURE THAT MUCH, DO I??????? (*quietly checks the last few pages' worth of the #NOT L*ONA ROT tag* ... Um, I can explain--)

xvbjawviwjwsn MISS RAVEN OBSESSED WiTH fiGURINg OUT lROnA’S CUp siZE 💀 (This could easily be avoided if she just threw away her dignity and asked Leona or Rook…) It sounds ridiculous, but I do think she could reasonably fall down that rabbit hole. Not for any thirst-related reason but more like she genuinely doesn’t comprehend it??? And she’s nothing if not curious, so she’ll dedicate herself to research and find an answer.

Her understanding of humans is still quite shaky in some areas, so she’ll sometimes fall back on what is true of birds to try and fill in for her knowledge gap. However, because birds are quite different than humans, that knowledge doesn’t always translate over well. For example, it’s advantageous for birds to have large chest muscles, as this helps them with flight. So in Raven’s mind, big chest muscles = strong flyer she literally believes Leona is good at flying because of his chest. She also associates clothing as being humans’ equivalent to feathers. If an adult bird is featherless, it means they’re sick or stressed out + feather plucking. When she sees people like Leona going around and purposefully exposing their skin, Raven worries that something is wrong 💦

Oh, but… human etiquette stipulates that it’s rude to ask about this kind of thing, right??? Which leaves Raven with only one option left: throwing herself into finding the ✨ truth ✨ I don’t think she would go so far as to do anything that violates Leona’s privacy (like taking unsolicited photos) though. More like… making trips to the library to study up on lion anatomy or on lion beastmen’s culture. Sticky notes and magnifying glass are fair game. Raven wants to expand her horizons and better understand her peers!

Maybe she does get caught looking at Leona once or twice? She gets lost in thoughts and isn’t aware of where her gaze is directed. “What’re you staring at?” (mean) or “… Like what you see? Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” (sarcastic) Asks Ruggie later if she’s been staring at him lately too.

“Nah, it’s probably just you, Leona-san,” Ruggie’ll reply with a snicker. “Looks like sooomeone’s got a crush on ya!”

“Quit jokin’. ‘S not funny.”

gdksbskwnekw CROWLEY WALKING IN ON THIS IS SENDING ME 😭 Him just barging in unannounced because the parenting book he decided to pick up on a whim said to check up on your kid every now and again… Jaw dropping when he sees her scattered research materials, the books she checked out from the school library, and several diagrams and drawings of human chests????

Raven panics and throws herself over her desk, trying to hide everything but knowing that he has already seen it all. “U-Uncle, I can explain!! This is…”

“Y-Young lady, I never expected to find you hoarding such obscene materials!! Where did I go wrong in raising you?! Ooh, my magnanimous self is such a failure as a father!” He slams the door and dramatically sprints off wailing. (xhsvsjkww Ceowley bumps into Leona while sprinting and doesn’t bother to stop and apologize; Leona gets annoyed and wonders why the hell the headmaster’s so emotional today.) Probably sits atop the school roofs and stares into the sky, contemplating if he should sit her down for a formal talk or an intervention. Maybe Crowley even confides about his troubles to Trein, who has raised two daughters of his own.

Trein might sigh and tell Crowley this is a “normal” part of growing up and he shouldn’t shame her interests or the boys she has crushes on or whatever 😭 “The girl is growing up fast, Dire. It is inevitable that she would eventually discover these things. As it stands, she is not harming herself or others, only exploring what has captured her attention. Your role as her guardian is to support her as best you can.”

[thistledropkick]

Desperado is doing a book signing event in a popular nerd bookstore tomorrow, along with Hikaru Sato, a fellow student of Suzuki's. Hikaru Sato is well known for his love of dressing up in maid dresses, sweater dresses, and so on, and he's been trying to convince Desperado to dress up in some kind of similar outfit since last year when Desperado's photo book was originally announced.

Desperado's been tweeting about trying to decide on an outfit for the event, and has listed a variety of options, but it seems like he plans to keep it a surprise until the actual book signing. But he tweeted this today:

Despe:

I happened to see a video that said something like "Before going to bed tonight, make sure you did your best all day!"

The first thing I thought of was "I have to buy some underwear that I'm okay with people seeing for tomorrow's book signing"

Tomorrow, which will it be

[royalarchivist]

[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]

Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?

[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*

–

Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.

Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!

Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.

* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.

[deiaiko]

You know that fanmade Cave game? Yeah, it makes me so unwell 😩🤲🥹❤️‍🩹

I can't read/write Japanese and I don't have twitter, but still I want to thank the creators for making and sharing it 🙏 Please accept my offering

[astranauticus]

DOUDOU - Tong Tong (嗵嗵）Translation

嗵嗵

Tong Tong

神明神明张开嘴

God, oh god, please open your mouth

让我知道我是谁

So that I may know who I am

它把我向天上推

It pushes me up, towards the sky

略过尘与灰

Over all the soot and dust

不得不停歇不停歇

Can't ever rest, ever rest

黑夜在背上飞

The night flies over my back

来狂欢吧狂欢吧

Come and rave, let's rave

永远不下坠

And never fall

太阳太阳请你告诉我

Sun, oh sun, please tell me

为什么为什么

Why, oh why

遗憾那么多

Must there be so many regrets?

夜幕夜幕请你告诉我

Night, oh night, please tell me

该怎么做怎么做

What can be done, can be done

灵魂才不会破

To keep the soul from breaking?

嗵一声落下

"Tong!" it falls

果实嗵一声落下

"Tong!" the fruit falls

嗦嗦嗦嗦嗦嗦嗦

suosuosuosuosuo

我的脚下开了花

Flowers bloom beneath my feet

嗵一声落下

"Tong!" they fall

骨头嗵一声落下

"Tong!" the bones fall

可以了可以了

That's it, that's it

可以变回孩子了

we can become children again

神明神明张开嘴

God, oh god, please open your mouth

让我知道我是谁

So that I may know who I am

它把我向天上推

It pushes me up, towards the sky

略过尘与灰

Over all the soot and dust

不得不停歇不停歇

Can't ever rest, ever rest

黑夜在背上飞

The night flies over my back

来狂欢吧狂欢吧

Come and rave, let's rave

永远不下坠

And never fall

太阳太阳请你告诉我

Sun, oh sun, please tell me

为什么为什么

Why, oh why

遗憾那么多

Must there be so many regrets?

夜幕夜幕请你告诉我

Night, oh night, please tell me

该怎么做怎么做

What can be done, can be done

灵魂才不会破

To keep the soul from breaking?

嗵一声落下（壳中藏心惶惶）

"Tong!" it falls (in my chest, my heart is full of fear)

嗵一声开花（抬头见那天光）

"Tong!" the flowers bloom (look up to see the light from the sky)

嗵一声落下（浮生空空荡荡）

"Tong!" it falls (our short lives, empty and hollow)

变回孩子了（风带着我流浪）

Becoming children again (I wander on with the wind)

神明神明张开嘴

God, oh god, please open your mouth

让我知道我是谁

So that I may know who I am

它把我向天上推

It pushes me up, towards the sky

略过尘与灰

Over all the soot and dust

不得不停歇不停歇

Can't ever rest, ever rest

黑夜在背上飞

The night flies over my back

来狂欢吧狂欢吧

Come and rave, let's rave

（就安心吧安心吧）

(Rest your heart, rest your heart)

永远不下坠

And never fall

飞过麦穗

Fly over the grain fields

飞过霓虹光辉

Fly over the neon lights

飞过墓碑

Fly over the headstones

飞过瓦砾堆

Fly over the tile stacks

[liebelesbe]

they need to replace the cigarette machine that's next to our house with an ice-cream vending machine. urgently. or just combine the two. ice-cream and cigarettes. 🍦🚬

[kaiowut99]

Finalized!GX 122-123 Update:

Our food's important, so no stealin' allowed! 🍞♥

[ayara-resara]

.

[cator99]

I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care

[white-cat-of-doom]

Griddlebone Playlist

This playlist is meant to outline the complex (and fundamental) emotion of love, and the pitfalls and joys of chasing after something grand that requires another to reciprocate the affection.

More specifically for this set of songs, the want for love while having the feeling that something is not quite right, either with the other individual involved, or within your own mind. Through isolating oneself into hollow emptiness after heartbreak, and due to feeling devoid of being wanted, it is hard to be vulnerable and let anyone back into a place of emotional attachment.

Did you ever actually feel what 'love' was? Are you really deserving of being loved? After everything, wherever can you find it?

川口雅代 (Masayo Kawaguchi) – Melty

ROMY – LOVE コマーシャル (Love Commercial)

越美晴 (Miharu Koshi) – 恋はファニー・フィーリング (Love Is A Funny Feeling)

宮原芽映 (Mebae Miyahara) – 悪魔のように微笑んで (Smiling Like A Devil)

いしだあゆみ & ティン・パン・アレイ・ファミリ(Ayumi Ishida & Tin-Pan-Alley-Family) – 私自身 (Myself)

麗美 (REIMY) – シャドー・ブレイ (Shadow Play)

竹内まりや (Mariya Takeuchi) – プラスティック・ラブ (Plastic Love)

工藤順子 (Junko Kudo) – 夕顔姐さん (Ms. Yugao)

Meow Meow & Thomas Lauderdale – Hotel Amour

Tracks 1 and 2, 3 and 4, 5 through 7, and 8 and 9, are meant to represent different sections of time in the life of the Queen.

Signature song with playlist: Meow Meow & Thomas Lauderdale – Hotel Amour

Track One: 川口雅代 (Masayo Kawaguchi) – Melty

“ううん･･･ ････何でもないけれど 少し 不安になっただけ" ("Ugh... ...It's nothing, but I just felt a little anxious") 知られた分だけ わたしから 冷めてゆくのが こわいから (I'm afraid that the more you know, the more you'll grow colder from me) "･･･そうよ･･･” (That’s right…”) すき間もない程に 昨夜 ひとつになったの (Last night we became one, with no gaps between us) しがみついたら 微笑うけど どうしていいのか わからない (I smile when I hold on to you, but I don't know what to do) Melty 手を引かれて 溶かし溶かされ 充たされるはずなのに (My hand should be pulled away, melted, melted, and filled up) Melty つかめないの どうしてかしら? 肩すかしされた 気分 (I can't grasp it, why? I feel like I've been ignored) 何にも言わずに 抱き寄せて (Without saying anything, I hold you close) 朝の光が あなたの景色変えないうちに (Before the morning light changes your scenery) “いやよ” ("No, no") ･･･言いかけてやめるのは うまく 言い聞かせるつもりね (...I'm trying to convince you to stop when I say it) 困らせたいの! (I want to embarrass you!) "お見通し” ("Foresight") 小悪魔ぶっても かなわない (Even if I act like a little devil, I can't compete) Melty 手を引かれて 溶かし溶かされ 充たされるはず充たされるはずなのになのに (My hand should be pulled away, melted, melted, and filled up) Melty つかめないの どうしてかしら? (I can't grasp it, why?) 何かが 違ってゆくの 何も言わせず 抱き寄せて (Something is going to be different, don't let me say anything, hold me close) めかくししてね ちぐはぐなこと 言わないうちに (Before I get too confused and say something foolish) Melty 手を引かれて 溶かし溶かされ 充たされるはずなのに (My hand should be pulled away, melted, melted, and filled up) Melty つかめないの どうしてかしら? 肩すかしされた気分 (I can't grasp it, why? I feel like I've been ignored) 何も言わずに 抱き寄せて (Hold me close without saying anything) めかくししててね (Please cover your eyes) 朝の光で 見えないうちに (Before you can see it in the morning light)

The initial apprehension of being more intimately involved, emotionally and physically, with another person comes with the realization that she felt nothing when it happened. She should be able to feel a deeper connection, but something is not right, and instead pretends and acts accordingly like everything is fine.

Track Two: ROMY – LOVE コマーシャル (Love Commercial)

指の中で タバコふかし 何もないのに 愛にまみれた (I smoked a cigarette in my fingers and was covered in love, even though there was nothing there) 気にするコトが 自分以外の あの人に対する 愛の神経 (What I worry about is the nerves of love for someone other than myself) いつか見た あの人はいない 私の人には ならなかった (That person I saw someday wasn't the same person I was) 私はなまけて ただならぬ犬より (I'm better than a lazy dog) ただの人を 選んでみただけ (I just picked a person) 私のコントロール あえてコントロール こわくてコントロール あえてコントロール 心に 私まかせ コントロール (My control, dare to control, I'm afraid to control, dare to control, leave it to my heart to control me) 頭の中で おもいふかし 何があるのか 夢のざわめき (I wonder what's going on inside my head, The buzz of dreams) ただならぬ人だから あえて こわがって あの人に対する 愛の恐怖 (Because he is an extraordinary person, I dare to be afraid of him, and the fear of love towards him) 抱かれる日は 心 うきあし もうひとりの私 かくしきれない (The days when I'm held in your arms, I feel happy, and I can't hide my other self) 私のコントロール あえてコントロール こわくてコントロール あえてコントロール 心に 私まかせ コントロール (My control, dare to control, I'm afraid to control, dare to control, leave it to my heart to control me)

A reflection on not feeling love when, or to the level, you think you should, while worrying how it will affect your partner. There is a comfort in being together with someone, but that surface level connection will eventually face the challenge of it being something more for them, and she is not prepared or ready for that.

Ultimately, it is up to Griddlebone to move forward in the best way that makes sense to her, and that path is one alone.

Track Three: 越美晴 (Miharu Koshi) – 恋はファニー・フィーリング (Love Is A Funny Feeling)

彼は時間に遅れて 私は指輪を忘れた だけど ゴメンも言わずに つまらぬ言い訳ごっこ 空は春 時は今 幸せですと言わんばかり だけど 二人の心は ちぎれ雲 (He was late and I forgot my ring But we don't say sorry, we make boring excuses, And the sky keeps saying that we're happy now in spring but our hearts are torn apart by clouds) 恋はファニー・フィーリング かまわず回る 恋はファニー・フィーリング 慣れっ子 だけど (Love revolves around funny feelings, but love is used to funny feelings) 彼は口笛吹きながら 私 ため息つきながら 通り過ぎる 街角 小鳥の歌だけ響く (He was whistling, I pass by with a sigh, Only the song of a small bird echoes on the street corner) いろんなことが あったけど みんないい思い出ばかり だか�� ここらでピリオド それがいい (A lot has happened, but we all have only good memories, So it's good to have the end around here) 恋はファニー・フィーリング 手を振りながら 恋はファニー・フィーリング 深刻ぶらず 歌いながら 笑ってサヨナラするわ オー ファニー オー ファニー ファニ ファニ オー フィーリング オー ファニー オー ファニー ファニ ファニ オー フィーリング (Love is a funny feeling, while waving, Love is a funny feeling, don't take it seriously, I'll laugh and say goodbye while singing Oh Funny Oh Funny Funny funny oh feeling Oh Funny Oh Funny Funny funny oh feeling)

In a goal to subside the loneliness and longing to feel proper love, Griddlebone moves through relationships over time to find the elusive 'love' she believes is out there. Scared of getting too involved with someone she holds minimal emotion for, she breaks off any connection before feelings develop from the other party, and plays it off as something lighthearted.

Despite her efforts, she cannot find someone who fulfills her inside the way she thinks love should be.

Track Four: 宮原芽映 (Mebae Miyahara) – 悪魔のように微笑んで (Smiling Like A Devil)

罠をしかけ待ってるん 悪魔のように 微笑んで (I'm setting a trap up and waiting for you, smiling like a devil) さあ ドアを 叩いて ドアを ひらいて (Come on, knock on the door, open the door) 泣きまねの 電話 かけて 街灯り 胸はずませ (I made a phone call imitating crying, and the street lights made my heart flutter) あの人を 呼び出したの (I called that person) 数えては 時間をかせぐ (Counting the time to buy myself some) 優しさを 言い訳して 赤い血が 流れる前に (Kindness, before I make excuses and red blood flows) 嘘をつく ずるいあなた 忘れてよ あの娘の事は (Forget about lying You're so cunning about that girl) 罠をしかけ待ってるん 悪魔の��うに 微笑んで (I'm setting a trap up and waiting for you, smiling like a devil) さあ ドアを 叩いて ドアを ひらいて (Come on, knock on the door, open the door) 待つだけの 女なんて さよならよ 今夜こそは (Say goodbye to the woman who only waits, tonight) 愛の 糸 足にからませ あの人を もう逃がさない (I'll let the thread of love entwine around my legs and never let that person slip away again) 罠をしかけ待ってるん 悪魔のように 微笑んで (I'm setting a trap up and waiting for you, smiling like a devil) さあ ドアを 叩いて ドアを ひらいて (Come on, knock on the door, open the door)

A new connection with someone shows promise, but she discovers that her partner is a cheater, something that hurts Griddlebone in a way that she has not experienced before. Not used to being treated as a second thought, and feeling like she is not worthy of love if made so inconsequential, she plots to destroy and expose her partner for what they have done to her.

All the joy and hope that she felt in locating a person that is right for her is now crushed, and she vows to not let herself be taken advantage of ever again in the pursuit of love.

Track Five: いしだあゆみ & ティン・パン・アレイ・ファミリ(Ayumi Ishida & Tin-Pan-Alley-Family) – 私自身 (Myself)

ひとりソファーに寝ころんで 恋の歌聞くでもなし 歌うでもなし (I lie alone on the sofa and listen to love songs, but I don't sing them) 私は日暮れを見つめています (I'm staring at the sunset) 部屋の窓には東京湾の 船の灯が小さく揺れて (In the window of the room, the lights of the ships in Tokyo Bay sway slightly) 一人ぐらしに疲れた時は 結婚なんか考えてます (When I get tired of living alone, I think about marriage) 夜汽車で旅に出る時は 色のない写真のように 素顔のままで 東京駅から出かけています (When I travel by night train, I leave Tokyo Station with my bare face, just like a colourless photograph) 幾度か恋にこの身を灼いて 歌を忘れた私だけれど (I have forgotten how to sing because my body has been burnt by love many times) 淋しさだけを心に積んで 今日もぽつんと歌っています (But today, I sing alone once again with only loneliness in my heart) くちづけ交す恋人にさえ 私の気持は言えないでしょう (I can't even tell my feelings to my lover who kisses me) 人に知られず流した涙 (The tears I shed without anyone knowing) 私は今日も歌っています････ (I'm still singing today...)

Moving on from her heartbreak, Griddlebone refrains from being involved with anyone else for a lengthy period of time, as that means she cannot be hurt once again. However, she cannot help but feel that the emptiness inside her continues to grow as time passes, even if she tries to remain strong willed. Her thinking is that she does not need anyone to sustain her happiness if she keeps the love she has to give tightly held internally.

Track Six: 麗美 (REIMY) – シャドー・ブレイ (Shadow Play)

淋しい笑顔と 言われるのに馴れても (Even if I get used to being told that my smile is lonely) 真夜中の鏡 覗けばつぶやくの (When I look into the mirror in the middle of the night, I whisper) Say, Love is the shadow play, shadow play Love is the shadow play 恋しても (Even if I fall in love) Love is the shadow play, shadow play, shadow play ひとりぼっちじゃ怖い (I'm scared of being alone) 街角の華やかさに 気がつけば急ぎ足 (If you notice the glamour on the street corner, hurry up) 片思いのままなら 恋も失くさず済むでしょう (If you keep your love unrequited, you won't lose your love) Say, Love is the shadow play, shadow play, shadow play Love is the shadow play, 密やかに (Secretly) Love is the shadow play, shadow play, shadow play 遠くあなた見てる (I'm watching you from afar) 気づかないで (Don't notice) darling 壊さないで (Don't break it) wow wow Love Love Love Love Love Love, darling, Love Love Love Love is the shadow play

Her loneliness begins to swell to a point of action, and Griddlebone cannot ignore it or remain dormant for much longer. She is unhappy being completely alone, and wants to feel any form of connection with another, but does not want to be hurt again.

Feeling unworthy of being loved due to her faults, her past pursuit of love becomes less of a task to complete and more of a buried burden she has to carry.

In order to protect herself from emotional suffering, she develops a cold façade to protect herself with.

Track Seven: 竹内まりや (Mariya Takeuchi) – プラスティック・ラブ (Plastic Love)

突然のキスや 熱いまなざしで (With a sudden kiss and a passionate gaze) 恋のプログラムを 狂わせないでね (Do not cause a malfunction to the love program) 出逢いと別れ 上手に打ち込んで (Type in encounters and separations well) 時間がくれば終わる (When the time comes, it ends) Don't hurry! 愛に傷ついた あの日からずっと (Since the day I was heartbroken, I've been having a life) 昼と夜が逆の 暮らしを続けて (That's been reversed between day and night) はやりのDiscoで 踊り明かすうちに (While dancing the nights away at the popular disco) おぼえた魔術なのよ (There is a magic I've learned) I'm sorry! わたしのことを決して 本気で愛さないで (Never love me seriously) 恋なんてただのゲーム 楽しめばそれでいいの (Love is just a game, all I need is to have fun with it) 閉ざした心を飾る 派手なドレスも靴も (The showy dresses and shoes decorating my closed heart) 孤独な友達 (Are my lonely friends) わたしを誘う人は 皮肉なものね いつも 彼に似てるわなぜか 思い出と重なり合う (The men who flirt with me are Ironically always similar to him for some reason My memories with him are overlapped) グラスを落として急に 涙ぐんでも わけは尋ねないでね (Don’t ask me why even if I drop my glass and suddenly glisten with tears) 夜更けの高速で 眠りにつくころ (When I fall asleep by the highway at dawn) ハロゲンライトだけ 妖しく輝く (Only halogen lights are mysteriously shining) 氷のように冷たい女だと ささやく声がしても (Although somebody is whispering that I’m an icy cold woman) Don't worry! I'm just playing games I know that's plastic love Dance to the plastic beat Another morning comes

Relationships become more of a pursuit of pleasure, rather than meaningful connection, for Griddlebone. A cycle of one night encounters to keep her company before the new day begins and she starts over again with someone new. Her self-worth starts to become tied with being seen as attractive and desirable by another person. She has convinced herself that this lifestyle will quell the void inside of her, although she knows in her heart that she is still painfully lonely. The isolation does not cease, no matter how many individuals she crosses path with.

Maybe one day she will not feel this way, but she believes it is her fault that everything turned out the way it has to this point.

Track Eight: 工藤順子 (Junko Kudo) – 夕顔姐さん (Ms. Yugao)

夕顔姐さん 部屋には 夏でもね (Yugao-san, even if it's summer in your room) こたつが置いてある 束ねたコードを つついてる 退屈な 白い猫が家族 (A bored white cat is pecking at the bundled cords next to the kotatsu table) 今夜のお座敷 長過ぎる いつもなら (The tatami room tonight is too long, as normal) 帰ってる時間 (Time to go home) お勝手の隅の 猫メシは 山盛りで (In the corner of the kitchen, there is a mountain of cat food) とても食べきれない (I can't eat it all) 明かりは点いてても 時計の音ばかり そろそろ聞こえて来る はずなのに (Even though the lights are on, all I can hear is the ticking of the clock) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さん 来年 数えでね 六十三になる (Yugao-san, I'll be turning 63 next year) 近頃男はダメだね 粋じゃない それが口ぐせです (Men are no good these days. It's not classy. That's what they say.) 衣ずれの裾は 萩の花 つい昨日 かけたパーマネント (The hem of my clothes was like a clover flower, a permanence that I wore just yesterday) 西に傾いた 大きな お月様 帰りを急がせる (The big moon leaning to the west hurries my return home) 浮かれ足の男 物欲し気な女 (A playful man, a wistful woman) 若いネオンの街に カラコロと (In a young neon city, colourfully) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 細い路地に入ると 犬達が吠えだす 待ちくたびれた猫は夢で聞く (When I enter a narrow alley, the dogs start barking, and the tired cat hears it in a dream) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta)

Years removed from the emotional low point of her life, the empty hedonism to fill the void inside her, Griddlebone has taken up residence with an older, single woman that has mirrored her own experiences in the search of love. The familiar sounds of geta beckon the arrival of her human home to Griddlebone, and her days are spent resting in the sun and keeping busy through the house, all while reminiscing of a past of incomplete love. She has become accustomed to a quiet, uneventful life where she is loved by Ms. Yugao as a sweet pet and taken care of like the beautiful Queen she is.

Still, there is an unshakable feeling that she has missed out on true love in her life, despite her current, content happiness.

Track Nine: Meow Meow & Thomas Lauderdale – Hotel Amour

Fun fact: Meow Meow played Griddlebone in the 2019 movie!

I looked for Love in the beautiful cities I looked for Love up in the air I looked underground though I knew that I shouldn't And still, no Love was anywhere I went to the place they call Heaven I went to the Hotel Amour I sat still and wrote Love some letters But Love doesn't read anymore I sang Love into my stories And I danced Love into my dreams But Love didn't find me Let alone blind me Love is nowhere it seems I looked for Love by pretending I wasn't I looked for Love close to the bone I fixed up some wings and I bought all the permits So Love could take flight when it was grown I followed the maps, I read all the signs I bought Love a building called "Home" I filled in the forms and I paid all the taxes Still, Love left me alone... My heart's still jumping out of my skin I've nothing to keep the feeling in I've nothing to do to make Love stay I've nothing to keep the darkness away You're all in the grandness of little things A leaf that's shaped like a heart A simple breeze, a feather Morning light, evening star And I'm singing to you my stories And I'm dancing with you in my dreams... Love... Love is everywhere... it seems

Throughout her life, Griddlebone has done everything she thought was correct to find and feel a form of love that made her feel complete, but could be deemed as unsuccessful in that pursuit.

Although it never manifested for her as love with another, she has felt the unconditional love of someone that cares for her as the most important thing in her life.

Looking back on her life now as a senior Queen, Griddlebone comes to a realization that love can now be found all around her. It was never her fault for not finding the idea of 'love' that she felt she needed, and there may never have been an instance where she felt that she had found the prize she was after, but love was always with her in the little things of life.

@the-cat-at-the-theatre-door I am not sure if you are still interested in these after all this time, but in case you are, enjoy :).

[dawdlecentric]

Man, this doujin isn't fucking around

Meanwhile, Seikuri in the background...

Doujin: Flashbackers by Totobe

[madotornado]

it turns out I didn't show my Rain World OCs fully. so here's a post. there's also a couple of cute sketches with the two of them.

(the characters are heavily based on the artificer and the monk from the rain world, but it's not them, since their encounter and them living together is impossible in canon and such).

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

Playing Cooking Mama with Finn so he can explain what all the foods are that I don't know.