#but I thought this was funny

[blessthosewhocurseyou]

Me, in bed, and 8 on the pain scale: this'll be fine

Me, when I hear a fork scraping against something against the table: this feels me with an immense violent rage. Emotions wise I wanna kill someone

It's funny having a very high tolerance for pain but a very low tolerance for other forms of discomfort. Like yea tattoos piercings cramps shots cuts bruises whatever thats nothing. But I better not get nauseous or hear a loud sound. Or I'll die

[antleredreality]

hannibal on that damn ipad buying a gift for will

[anartisticdreamer0]

*takes a drag of a cigarette* “‘The crowfather’? I haven’t heard that name in a long time.”

[crabsnpersimmons]

weather app: "catch the blue moon tonight! it won't appear again until 2027!!"

clouds in the sky: lol nope, no moon for you

me: it's okay, we have moon at home

moon at home:

[candz13z]

I bring to thee : aliens and ice cream

Imagine: an alien walking in on their human coworker watching another Human Show™, holding a tub of ice cream and a comically large spoon. Ofcourse they have to ask what the substance was, eventhough they already know the answer is almost definitely not worth it. Any answer a human gives either invokes a feeling of horror, awe or, more mercifully but frustrating, confusion. Maybe even some fear, but maybe its the way all aliens know to brace themselves that takes the edge off.

They call it 'ice cream' and this one is 'neopolitan' flavored apparently. They have different flavors? They offer them some of the pink part of it, and before they even put it in their version of a mouth, the coldness of the spoon alone makes them drop it. The human seems a little annoyed at the dropped spoon but to the aliens horror, they pull out another- larger spoon and they continue eating

Alien : Why is it so cold? It's food isn't it? It's meant to be eaten. How are you eating it??

Human, shoveling some of the brown part down their throat : Well. it's basically crushed flavored milky ice. Its a desert we like to eat. And well. I. Eat it with. A spoon?"

Alien :

Alien : BUT ITS ICE. HOW ARE YOU EATING ICE? YOUR BODY TEMPERATURE IS MUCH HIGHER, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO- WHY WOULD... Why

Human : uhh well its not all ice technically. But yea I guess we eat straight up ice sometimes too. Its not all good though. Sometimes if we eat too much, we get this thing called brain freeze

Brain freeze. It can freeze their brain. And they still eat it. It's a desert. This is normal for them. They can eat ice too. Because of fucking course they can.

Human : Anywho. Want to try some of the chocolate part? its my favorite

Chocolate. Poisonous chocolate. Their favorite.

The alien gets up, walks out and shuts the door behind them before they could do something reasonable like their equivalent of a scream.

[that-oracle]

7 year old me would be my number one hater

[fairy-ghoul]

[cloudster-clown]

i have no idea what i'm doing

[bookish-bi-mormon]

You can take the bitch out of Provo but you can't take Provo out of the bitch 😞

[presidentheartbeat6]

BONUS:

(Text:

Laurence: “I am dreadfully sorry we did not tell you earlier, Temeraire.”

Temeraire: “Oh, it is not that (I have known about you and Tharkay for months now, really it is no great big secret…), it is just… must you call him ‘my Dear’?”

Laurence: “…”)

Me posting something without granby in it??? Who even am I???????

Oh also I have no idea how to draw dragons but I tried!!!

[nattousan]

video description: a bald bearded white guy is sitting in his car in a parking lot. White guy: "Man, I'm sick of all these lgbt's and transgenders shoving their shit down our throats, we don't-as christians we don't do that!" camera turns and points to the sky, where jesus's face is plastered on the side of a giant hot air balloon.

[novelist-becca]

Grom Camila: *gasp* iS thAt A weApOn?

Real Camila: This mama is hungry for vengeance! *wields baseball bat*

[r-evolve-art]

Dungeon Meshi has very realistic dialogue.

[adamsvanrhijn]

cannot be bothered to fix the typo

[bullshitcharacterssay]

Alastor: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game...

Niffty, nodding: Knife Monopoly.

Alastor: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.

[nice-pool]

He sneezes, huh, odd