#but I refuse to change myself and how I feel and believe

[thecolorblockcurator]

My wife took a business course a few months ago & something stuck with me that I keep thinking of with the current political events happening.

There 3 levels of people & how they approach newness

There are the early adopters - who when presented with something new they meet it with curiosity. They get right to work learning about it- seeing how they can make it fit in their lives or even change their lives to make room for whatever it is. - This is a very small group of people.

Then there is the largest group of people by a long shot - I believe the course called them the average people. They initially meet new ideas with resistance. - It will take too long to learn, it’s going to be too hard, it’s a waste of our time, it won’t change anything. Or just a groan that they can’t keep to themselves.

But once change starts taking root they come around- most of the time feeling like they had been supportive all along.

But the thing is- a vast majority of these people from the average group think that they are the early adopters. They think they’re the cutting edge- risk takers, ahead of the crowd. But their actions prove they aren’t. They’re resistant and hesitant about change.

The third group was very small but it was people who completely refuse - they can be extremely vocal & try to sway those in the average group - or they can be isolated and apathetic. Either way their goal is to completely obstruct change and newness.

I know I initially meet change with resistance - and I also know that I’ve always thought of myself as an early adopter lol. So I definitely fit right in with the vast majority of people.

But over the years I’ve taught myself to question that initial reaction - to let myself process before I share it out and make it My Stance tm

I think politically, current event wise it’s important to keep this idea in mind.

I think a lot of us feel like adopting something early means to have a completely formed opinion about what is morally correct and the perfect direction forward. To be at the forefront loudly declaring why it’s important or why it should be opposed

But the actual early adopters know things won’t be perfect, but they’re curious anyway. They see change as a step forward or sideways. Something to move us in some direction- something to learn from.

So stay curious- not reactive

[blue-da-ba-dee]

...

[whimsycore]

Not me realizing how desparately I need to move out after the night my mother asked someone how her adult freedoms where going and then asked me when I said “what freedoms” she made it about me driving and not her being a literal tyrant

[llatimeria]

Just finished The Santaroga Barrier by Frank Herbert (my dad likes to play audiobooks in the car on trips) and I didn't like it much (and there's quite a bit of Yikes in it, because frank herbert and the 1960s in general,) but the aspect I found most interesting was the concept of like. A world's subconscious desire to kill The Other.

In the book an investigator visits a small cultish town in order to investigate it for a market study after a few other researchers mysteriously died. he gets into a frightening number of "accidents" while he's there (like the former investigators) and starts believing that there was a conspiracy among the townsfolk and all of them were intentionally trying to murder him.

tl;dr, it turns out it actually was a subconscious yet intense phobia/hatred they had of The Outside they had as part of their personal traumas, childhood indoctrination into their local cult, and the LSD-like drug they were constantly on. They didn't mean the investigator any harm, if anything they were extremely welcoming, kind, well-meaning people, but this background radiation of fear and rage kept making them accidentally do things to kill him - mixing up insecticide and spices in his food, gas fumes being pumped in his hotel room after a botched maintenance job, a torn carpet tripping him off the railing of the balcony, and Many Other subtle attempts on his life that he just happened to avoid by sheer chance.

But all the townsfolk don't really think anything of it - the town doctor, especially skeptical, "diagnoses" him as "accident-prone" until the investigator begs and pleads with him for days after several brutal accidents in a row, and only then does the doctor start believing him but even then only comes up with the theory that all of this supposed malice towards the investigator is "subconscious" - later shown to likely be correct when the investigator himself, after overdosing on their special drug, "accidentally" shoves his colleague off a roof, killing him, but the investigator physically cannot see it as anything but an accident anymore. it simply doesn't reach his mind that he killed a former friend of his. it was just an accident. he just fell, all on his own.

the idea of A Town That Wants To Kill You, But It's Nothing Personal resonated with me from the perspective of being a disabled person, especially one in a generally welcoming, accepting environment. when you're disabled, not a lot of people will come to you bearing their ableism between their teeth. They'll be nice, insensitive maybe, but nice, and are often outwardly willing to accomodate you. But they also stick out their leg as you're walking along to trip you. They'll apologize, and you'll maybe even believe it, even though to you, from your perspective, it was obviously an attempt to harm you. You excuse it once, maybe twice, but after a point, you realize that this world, this community you have entered, is actively hostile towards you and everyone like you. so you start screaming it to the rooftops. you tell authorities that the world wants to hurt you, but they begin affixing labels to you like "paranoid" or "anxious". they know no one actually has it out for you, personally, after all. that would be ridiculous.

but you still keep getting tripped down the stairs. the rat poison and the sugar at your favorite coffee shop still keep getting mixed up, but only when it's your order. in the hospital, recovering from your previous "accidents", a nurse will still accidentally pump you full of saline instead of medicine.

after a point, doesn't the fact that all of these are "accidents", and that no one WANTS to kill you, just... stop mattering a little bit? Yeah, no one wants to hurt you, but they just keep doing it. They keep making stupid little mistakes. They know everyone like you who has visited their community has died or been seriously injured under suspicious circumstances, but the idea that they, themselves, could be a little bit at fault just doesn't even register to them. they don't even consider that they might have to change their ways in order to protect people like you. After all, you can't prepare for every "freak accident". Even when the solution could be as simple as "stop putting rat poison next to the sugar", every time it happens to you, or a person like you, it's just an "accident", that no one "meant" any harm, and "nothing could be done".

it doesn't cross their mind that a string of unfortunate accidents ceases to be accidents, but serious negligence. it can't cross their mind, because they're not the victims here. they only even begin to acknowledge something might be wrong when the victims are screaming in their face, day after day. even then, they come to the conclusion that even if you're right, and the community does want to kill you because you are Other, they won't immediately see anything wrong with that. To Them, the answer is clear as day: just become one of Them, and you'll be safe. They take care of their own.

[xiaofiaan]

always shit like this that has me feeling unbearably guilty for my choices and future actions

[spacelazarwolf]

here is the reality. whether you like it or not, a large chunk of the global jewish population identifies as zionist, as in they believe that israel should exist in some capacity (regardless of their feelings about the current government). a lot of numbers have been thrown around that i don’t necessarily think are accurate, but it is very safe to say that particularly those who are involved in jewish community organizations and/or are more observant tend to identify as zionist. there are a lot of reasons for this that would take an entire doctoral dissertation to cover. if i wanted to cut myself off from every single jewish zionist or every single jew or jewish organization that believes israel should exist or simply has even one jewish zionist friend or one jewish zionist in attendance, i would have to completely isolate myself from the jewish community, and i am simply not going to do that.

for shavuot, we stayed up until past 3am having difficult conversations about israel and zionism and other rifts in the jewish community and how to talk about them without the inevitable defensiveness that always comes up, how to disconnect the political aspects of zionism from jewish identity and how to have difficult conversations with people who disagree with us without leaving the table. we talked about it through the lens of a story in the talmud about rabbi yohanan and reish lakish, a story that ends in tragedy, a story that is representative of where the community is headed if we aren’t able to start having these conversations.

so when gentiles show up and demand i abandon my community because it’s sinful politically incorrect to associate with sinners people with slightly different political opinions, it pisses me the fuck off. because y’all are constantly going on and on abt jews needing to “unlearn zionism” but then when non zionist jews refuse to just walk away from our people and decide instead to do the difficult work of starting and maintaining important conversations within our community, we get called zionists or accused of “associating with zionists” and therefore zionist by default.

so what do you want? do you want there to be less jewish zionists? because the only way that’s going to happen is if difficult conversations are allowed to happen, and those difficult conversations won’t be able to happen if you insist that all jews who aren’t zionist refuse to associate with the vast majority of our people. or are you simply looking to isolate jews with different political opinions than you because you don’t want to take the time to understand why so many jews identify as zionist. i know because i have had hours upon hours of conversations with the people in my community, and my understanding of their reasoning and motivation has made it easier to have conversations about zionism.

so it’s fucked because. y’all want there to be less jewish zionists. the only way for that to happen is to talk to them and understand them. but associating with them or trying to understand why they identify that way makes you a zionist. and therefore you should also not be associated with. but there should be less jewish zionists. so it sounds to me like y’all are just expecting people to change their minds because. what? because you said so? that is not realistic in the slightest!

anyway this post is not meticulously crafted it’s literally just me venting abt this shit but i’m just sick and tired of goyim who are not part of these difficult conversations deciding that they know better how to deal with jewish zionists (who they will not associate with) than jewish non zionists who are actually trying to have the difficult conversations with their community.

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Mr Gaiman. I have read all of your books.

This is not an ask, rather an answer.

I would like to say thank you for saving me. Knowing I will never meet you will not change the way I feel about you or myself.

Love your fiction work. I feel bad for the fact that it’s not fiction to me. It is my life story.

Very sad one. That I am still trying to make sense of today.

I was raised by the other mother. Not really, but I was raised by a bipolar narcissist who hated me and loved me but didn’t know how to do either. She sexually abused me for 12 years.

No one ever believed me. No one.

So I would pretend that I was Coraline and that I was brave. I was. But that was because I knew that the spell had to break at some point.

I am 24 now. She is old and frail but the hell she has made in my mind - I almost never escaped. Until I understood that I truly was stronger.

Because she tried to make me just like her, but I refused. I picked kindness.

If you can’t find a friend, be one. If you can’t find someone you look up to- become someone who others can look up to.

I did. I tried my best. I promise.

I want to tell you the ultimate secret that no one ever could. You probably figured it out a long time ago, but it still makes me feel better to write it here, even if I know that you might never reply or ask me if I am safe, or dismiss me like a crazed fan/abused child who desperately needs help and attention.

I don’t. I would like to be your friend. But I know it is not possible.

So I want you to know I know why they do it.

They do it for the same reason as you wrote books. To not feel alone.

But that is the problem with existing in this world. Evil is nothing but not understanding yourself and hating different people from you.

Ignorance brings hate. How do you justify yourself in a world like this?

Simple.

You change the world by breading more people who believe hate is love, and love is hate. Evil needs justification. Kindness needs non.

I sat alone for 24 years and told no one. The paragraph above was just the start and the ending.

My story is still unfolding. But I wanted to let you know you are no longer sitting alone at your birthday party.

Because the only present I ever got was knowing someone else like me existed.

Someone who could look evil in the eye and stare back.

And never stop talking about it.

Thank you Mr. Gaiman, for writing “View from the Cheap Seats”

When I read it I put it down as well as the razor that I wanted to end my life with.

Because you were my only friend. And you still are.

And I cannot take the injustice anymore. If they won’t read, I will read to them.

I will save them just like you saved me. Making reading cool and easy.

And I will do it for you and me. So that no one else can see the horrors anywhere but in books and movies.

And I will do it one act of kindness and love at a time.

So they will know that injustice is just a state of mind.

Thank you Mr.Gaiman. You gave me hope.

And now I will do the unthinkable. I will try until my dying breath to change their mind.

One step forward into a future where you are not sad and a story like mine is just a horror movie and not a reality.

Because you are my only friend, and I hate to see my friends sad.

Leto

I'm so proud of you, and this made me tear up.

[shiplessoceans]

Moments in House MD that made me absolutely feral as an O.G fan that watched it as it aired back in the naughties, shipping House/Wilson hardcore and not realising I was queer:

1. Wilson loudly reciting a poem to House as he enters the hospital lobby which contains the line: "His manly chest, his stubbled jaw, everything about him leaves me raw.'

2. The look on Wilson's face when a random clinic patient gives House advice about his date with Cameron.

"Do her....or you're gay."

*cue Wilson looking to the side like...wait a minute...*

3. House: "They were not Prada! you wouldn't know Prada if it stepped on your scrotum."

4. Wilson: "House I believe you're a romantic, you didn't just believe him, you believed IN him! Wanna come over tonight, watch old movies and cry?"

5. House (yelling across a crowded lobby to Wilson): "How long can you go without sex?"

6. The look on Wilson's face when he gets a masseuse for House (!) and she massages his hand, causing him to begin moaning orgasmically.

7. Stacey: "What are you hiding?"

House: "I'm gay... Oh that's not what you meant! But it does explain a lot thought. No girlfriend, always with Wilson..."

8. House watching Wilson sleep on the couch in his apartment, then quietly erasing a voicemail from a real estate agent saying Wilson's apartment application for a new place went through.

9. Wilson, explaining his infidelity during his previous marriage, to Cameron when she's feeling awful because she considered cheating on her husband while he was dying:

"Well my wife wasn't dying, she wasn't even sick. But I met someone who made me feel...funny. Good. And I... didn't wanna let that feeling go."

The lack of pronoun haunts me to this day.

10. Gay male patient harassing House and questioning why he won't treat him:

Patient: "Because you're a closet case?" (Eyeing House and Wilson who have just emerged from House's apartment)

Wilson: "Uh...we're not...together..."

House: "He is so self-loathing."

11. House nearly kills himself to attempt to prove there is no afterlife, Wilson waits over his bedside and then calls him an idiot and orders him extra pain medication. House's response is:

"I love you."

12. House: "Big romantic weekend in the Poconos could change everything."

13. Wilson refusing to participate in a board vote to oust House from the hospital and consequently losing him job for House. Wilson's furious with him over being put in that position but forgives House easily.

14. Wilson (speaking to House about dating a woman eerily similar to House): "Why not? Why not date you? It's perfect! We've known each other for years, we put up with all kinds of crap from each other and we keep coming back. We're a couple!"

House: "Are we still speaking metaphorically?"

15. (Less than a minute later when House keeps trying to convince Wilson he and Amber are a bad idea).

Wilson: "Wait a minute, every time I agree with you, you come up with a new argument. What are you trying to avoid?"

House: *Stares at Wilson with the most meaningful eye contact to ever eye contact*

Wilson: "Oh! Well if you'd looked at me with those flashing eyes before I was involved (clicks tongue)."

16. To Wilson's new girlfriend in a threatening, 'stay away from my man' voice:

House: "Give him back his sweatshirt... Pit stains don't become you."

17. House: "This isn't just about the sex! You like her personality! You like that she's conniving. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves..."

*tense pause*

House: "Oh my god. You're sleeping with me."

*flees restaurant*

18. House: "I have really gotta get you laid. If I have to plough that furrow myself, so be it."

19. Wilson: "I have a headache."

House: "We don't have to have sex, sometimes it's nice just to cuddle and talk."

20. (To a bellboy at a hotel House is staying at, while gesturing to Wilson)

House: "After he and I have sex, I'm gonna slit his throat and disembowel him in the bathtub."

21. House going to interview all of Wilson's ex wives to figure out how best to break him and Cuddy up when they aren't even dating. The look on his face when Bonnie explains how good at sex Wilson is? Priceless.

22. House: "Probably my deep and very unconscious desire to get Wilson into my bedroom."

22. House: "If you're coming back because you're attracted to the shine of my neediness. I'd be fine with that."

23. House borrowing money off Wilson in increasing amounts to test the limits of their friendship. He later admits to Wilson that: "Maybe I don't want to push this til it breaks".

24. House being convinced the male CIA agent who approaches him in season 4 is a stripper and sitting on a bench saying:

House: "You wanna close that door?"

CIA agent: "Why?"

House: "Well I assume you're gonna drop trou at some point during the dance, I don't see why I should share."

25. Wilson: "I want a threesome"

House: "Shouldn't we try a twosome first?"

26. All of that episode where House is talking to Dr Nolan and says Wilson is not a consolation prize. Legit became convinced halfway through that this was going to be House realising he's in love with Wilson and wants to keep living with him.

27. House hiring a P.I. to stalk Wilson after they've had a falling out to see if he misses him. The P.I. clocks this immediately and treats the case like that of a scorned lover needing to know if the other party is pining and if theres anything that can make him come back.

28. Wilson proposing to House in a restaurant to throw a wrench in his plans to date their neighbour.

29. Wilson got mad that Cuddy hurt House. So he bought her dream apartment out from under her in sheer spite and moved into said apartment with House.

30. Wilson being indecisive and unable to buy furniture for himself because of a flimsy sense of self and an inability to figure out who he is and what he wants. House teases him about this and challenges him to buy one peice of furniture that says something about who Wilson is.

The peice of furniture Wilson buys?

A piano organ for House.

31. House: "You were thinking about Wilson while were were having sex? That's cool so was I."

32. Wilson: "If things go wrong, I just want you to know..."

House: "If you're gonna say that you've always been secretly gay for me? Everyone just kind of assumed it."

33. Cameron: "Where do you put the cane?"

House: (referring to Wilson) "If he buys me dinner he can find out."

34. That gay as fuck ending, fuck I'll never be over it.

[lisboy]

feels funny to recall a time when i didn't feel the need to be surrounded by plushes

Before covid i was quite trouble-free and could travel pretty much without care

now i that i've known anxiety so bad i couldnt eat drink go out or do Anything, going up and down for two years before getting treatment, i have fallen into a regressive plush-carrying stage

which is okay i mean, i don't need them at work or in my everyday life except when stressed ; but it still feels pretty childish to hold my stuffed bunny from when i was 1 to feel reassured. it 100% is regressive, but its better than having to take xanax twice a day to be able to live ? Thank god those times are over lol

[kim-the-miserable-rat]

CITIZENS, yesterday I saw an hour and a half MONOLOGUE ABOUT GRANTAIRE where he talked about the revolution -and his cynicism-, Enjolras (GOSH I SWEAR THOSE WERE THE BEST PARTS) and his past.

IN THE MONOLOGUE, HE THINKS HE'S INSIDE A CONSCIOUS DREAM WHILE SLEEPING IN THE BARRICADES (spoiler: he was dead all along) AN YOU CAN SEE HIM WONDERING INSIDE HIS MIND, FINDING OBJECT THAT ARE ASSOCIATED WITH IMPORTANT THINGS IN HIS LIFE (a canvas, wine, Enjolras vest...) AND DURING THE MONOLOGUE YOU HEAR SHOTS AND GRANTAIRE GROWS MORE AND MORE CONCERNED WITH LES AMIS, TRYING TO REACH THEM (begging them to wake him up, to stop the revolution, telling them he'll stop drinking if that means that they will not leave him alone).

It was in Spanish, but I translated some of the quotes I liked and I'm gonna share them with you -please forgive me if the translations are shitty, im doing my best-:

"YOU BECOME A CYNIC ONCE YOU SHED YOUR LAST TEAR"

"who is more coward, the one who prefers to refuse change and save his life or the one who prefers a paradise even if it means the comrades with whom he's fighting it for must die? A PARADISE WITHOUT COMRADES CAN HARDLY BE CALLED A PARADISE"

I truly believed in you. I believed you blindly. There was no greater joy than seeing myself believing in what you believed so strongly.

The brilliance of your gaze was much more intense and convincing than any argument and if you said that misery would end I believed you.

I looked and listened to you talking; and then, Enjolras, I believed once more."

"Now that I'm dead, I feel like I must ask you: would you choose me over your Patria? You don't have to respond, I already know the answer. I just wanted to hear myself asking it out loud.

I know I can't ask for love from somebody who has sworn eternal love... And regardless, I'll never deserve such a pure heart as yours." (All of this is a conversation he has with Enjolras vest, FYI)

"At that moment I wished I were a national guard, so I could pierce your heart with a spear, to make you feel the pain that I felt in my own heart, if there's really something beating in your chest" (Talking about how he felt after the "you are incapable of believing" incident with Enjolras)

"maybe my friends were the reason I died today, in these barricades; but without them I would have died a long time ago"

"I woke up surrounded by corpses which I didn't dare to identify; and then I saw you.

You were the only survivor, and standing there, surrounded by those armed guards, you were worthy of being in a painting of Delacroix"

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Maybe someday I'll try to make an edit with the best parts with captions in english for y'all.

Here's the link for anyone interested:

[atrwriting]

comfort — aegon x fem!reader

did anyone else fall victim to season 2 completely changing your viewpoint on aegon? i used to fucking hate this guy. honestly i still hate season 1 aegon. i almost didn't post this because i hate him soooo much. i've chosen to separate season 1 and season 2 aegon because the show and book are works of fiction — but please read with caution. at the end of the day, this is still aegon — and he is still a royal asshole and should very much be locked up in jail.

but like why did season two make me feel bad and want to comfort this fucker like what the fuck

as always, warnings: aegon is a fucking warning, smuuut, aegon has a praise kink, oral sex, p in v sex, aegon is a bit of a meaniehead in this, alcoholism, my own sick and twisted self indulgence because i like swear i could fix him

i refuse to fucking edit and im only slightly sorry

____

“i never wanted to be king..." he mumbled, drinking his wine. "to keep them safe... and for what? for what!?"

your heart fell at his words. it split and shattered into a million pieces, but slowly. the pain was so slow. it froze you — held you in its grasp so the only thing you could do was stare at the king, who sank slowly into his own despair — and also his chair.

you swallowed — unsure of how to proceed.

“more wine, your grace?” you asked, hoping to appear cheerful.

with his back turned, his own answer was his outstretched hand with his goblet in his grasp.

your pour was hefty.

he sighed before he brought his chalice to his lips, taking two gulps of the deep plum liquid. you didn’t want to linger — for you knew the king enjoyed his solitude or the company of a young lady.

you wanted to make haste before he remembered either of the two.

“is there anything else i can do for you, my king?” you asked. “i can fetch you something to eat —“

“no,” he spoke. “i’m not hungry. — sit with me. pour yourself a glass.”

your eyes widened as your clutched the wine. sit — with the king? and share wine? you had never heard of such a thing. you had heard of his crude, and horrible behavior — but not this. definitely not this.

but what else were you to do but obey? nothing. absolutely nothing. you had no choice.

you pulled out the chair, and aegon pulled another glass toward his. the king... retrieved you a glass? you had set the wine down on the table so you could pull your chair out with shaking hands, hoping to keep them steady. aegon, the king, had taken it upon himself to not only get you your own chalice, but also pour wine for you.

gods, you thought. what have i found myself in?

“thank you, my king,” you spoke, settling into your seat. “would it please your grace to drink in silence?”

he tapped his fingers on the top of the table. you could not meet his eyes, for fear of upsetting him. you weren’t sure if you could feel his eyes on you, but you did not want to make the first move.

“the servant girls like you — they do not look at me,” he spoke, taking another swig of his wine. “due to my actions as a boy, no doubt. i must assure you — i am a man now. a king.”

“of course, your grace,” you answered. “we are very lucky to serve you and your family.”

“very lucky…” he scoffed, a sad smile on his face. he was not displeased with you — and you couldn’t place why, but you could tell it was not you. you surmised it was something else. “lucky? to work in this castle? when war brews closer every day?”

you swallowed thickly, unsure of how to proceed. you shouldn’t have. you really shouldn’t have — and you knew it, you could feel it in your bones — but a part of you also knew that it could do some good. maybe not a lot, but at least some. “we know that you would do anything to protect this castle — and the people inside of it, your grace. we are lucky.”

was it a lie? yes. none of the servants believed that they were safe, and those that did — they did not credit aegon. they might credit the webs alicent could weave, aemond’s dragon, or cole’s stones — but not aegon. definitely not aegon. not even aegon gave aegon, himself any credit, for he knew the truth. everyone knew the truth — but where would self pity get the king? where would his low self esteem place you and the small folk? nowhere. absolutely nowhere.

and that’s why you lied.

you lied through your fucking teeth.

you had to lie — for the good of the realm. for the good of the small folk. for your own good.

and what did he do? he laughed.

he fucking laughed.

you weren’t surprised — you knew that he was difficult to reason with, prone to expressions of raw, irrational emotion.

what you didn’t expect was that his laughs turned into tears.

you don’t know why — but you immediately stood.

sitbackdownsitbackdownsitbackdown, someone in your head chided. sitbackdownsitbackdownsitbackdown.

but you didn’t listen. you should’ve listened.

you stood and took a few steps towards the king.

thumpthumpthumpthumpthump.

your heart pounded in your ears, and soon you though you could feel it rise into your throat. you would’ve choked on it if you had waited any longer to do what you wanted to.

you reached for his hand — not really knowing what you would do if you had successfully intertwined your fingers with his. it didn’t matter — for aegon smacked your hand away. he snapped his head up to look at you, glaring.

he immediately stood from his seat, towering over you. his eyes were ablaze, consumed by anger and threats. his lips were thin in a snarl, having replaced his sadness with aggression.

“you dare touch the king?” he bit, holding you by the wrist.

you gasped as he yanked your arm, a strangled cry leaving your lips. “i wanted to offer comfort, your grace —“

“offer comfort?1” he spat once more, shaking his head in disbelief.

“yes, your grace,” you said softly. “only comfort.”

his eyes took a moment to soften, but when they did… you regretted coming into the room altogether — even if it was your job to serve him. you could have asked someone else. could've, could've, could've.

but then...

oh, then...

a bittersweet taste rested in your mouth once you saw regret, shame, and guilt all swirl within aegon’s purple irises. all three. like three flames, all from one dragon — consuming the very thing before it until there was nothing left. his eyes, once filled with glee, then tears, and then anger, and now this? this? — you didn’t know how to proceed, or if you should at all.

he was the king — but at the end of the day, at the end of it all — he was just a young man.

just a young man.

“i am sorry, your grace,” you whispered, not daring to move. “it won’t — it won’t happen —“

“i am sorry,” he immediately blurted out.

your eyes snapped up to meet his. you seemed to be as surprised to hear his apology as he was to find himself saying it.

he dropped your arm.

“you were kind to me…” he spoke, trailing off — seemingly trying to find the words. he was looking down at you, studying your expression.

you feared the mix of emotions were present on your face, and you were worried how that would affect a safe exit from this situation. “i should not have reached for you, my king, and for that i am —“

“i shouldn’t have lashed out at you,” he interrupted you. “no one has ever…”

he didn’t finish. he couldn’t finish, you realized. and by the look on his face — he knew he couldn’t finish that sentence either.

“it’s alright,” you spoke, and meant it. “i just wanted you to know — you weren’t alone, your grace.”

he didn’t speak. he just… slowly nodded in acknowledgment and in thanks.

you repeated the gesture, curtsied, and left the room.

you did not expect to see the king again — but you also did not ever expect to be called to his chambers in the late hours of the evening.

you grew fearful and weary — what did he want with you? he had never shown interest in you, especially not since the incident a week prior. you avoided him like the stranger, and he most likely was glad for it — or so you thought.

when you entered his chamber, you found him in his night shirt and riding leathers. he was standing in the middle of the room, only illuminated by the burning hearth. the red and orange flames accented the bags under his eyes, and his teeth that were stained with wine.

“you’ve been avoiding me,” he accused suddenly.

that was all he said. small folk like yourself were not trained to… deal with accusations such as that. he was not an equal — he was the fucking king.

“i was embarrassed that i had forgotten my place,” you spoke, curtsying. “my apologies, your grace.”

“your apologies?!” he bit, tossing the empty chalice of wine onto the floor. he stalked towards you with purpose, not stopping until he was inches from your face. “apologies? what good are they if you’ve been in my goddamn head for a week?!”

he was seething then — beyond recognition. consumed by anger, unable to bring himself back to level. his skin was of a flush that suggested emotion — frustration, distrust, betrayal. his eyes, though purple, were bloodshot red. with each word he shouted, spit spewed from his lips and collected at the corners of his mouth.

and then you realized: the king wasn’t angry — he was hurt.

“what is bothering you?” you asked, ignoring his initial question while trying to keep your own resolve level.

“...what?” he demanded, confusion and anger now mixing together in his brow.

“your grace,” you began. “tell me what is wrong.”

he took a step back. his eyebrows knit together as if he didn’t recognize you — didn’t understand why you were here, who you were, or what you could want. distrust was the only thing at the forefront of his gaze, but you knew you had to break that barrier. you knew, you knew, you knew.

this time — he did not flinch when you reached for him. he did not flinch when you pressed a soft, open palm against the side of his tear-stained face. he did not flinch when you stroked your thumb on his cheekbone. he did not flinch when you placed your other hand on his other cheek, and pulled his face down to rest his forehead against yours.

“i will not avoid you again,” you whispered.

he didn’t reply, but you felt him relax against you. you entwined one of his hands with yours, and led him towards the bed.

you discarded your night robes, leaving you in your night shift. aegon watched in awe — and his jaw slightly fell open when you got on the bed, and stretched out your open arms to him.

“join me, my king?”

aegon couldn’t help himself. he glossy eyes raked over your body, barely hidden by your night shift. the cool night air of the castle caused your nipples to harden underneath the linen, leaving your breasts looking supple enough to taste. the outline of your waist and round hips were enough to make his cock stir in his leathers, but he found his hands beginning to shake. fucking delectable he found you. he may have taken off his pants, but it was not to fuck.

aegon, the king of the seven kingdoms, climbed onto the bed and rested on top of you. you wrapped your arms around his mid section as he nestled his nose into the crook of your neck, inhaling your sweet smell. one of your hands began to tangle itself in his short, wavy locks — forcing aegon to relax in a way that flying, wine, or fucking could never do for him. a sigh of relief left past his lips — one that he didn’t know he was holding, nor one that he thought he was capable of releasing.

you kissed the side of his face, causing emotions to swell within his chest he never experienced before — was never prepared for. if his initial reaction wasn’t to freeze, he would’ve lashed out at you. called you names he didn’t mean. pushed you out of bed in a way he didn’t mean. and never speak to you again in a way he didn’t mean. thankfully, he froze. he froze for long enough that he convinced himself that he could relish in this sweet feeling — even if only for a short while.

“you are so sweet,” he whispered, before drifting off to sleep.

you fell asleep for a short while later, letting yourself enjoy the weight of the prince above you. it calmed a certain anxiety in your chest, and you were selfish with it — hoping to take whatever the king would give.

you felt him stirring on top of you after some time — well into the night, and well into where only hot coals rested in the hearth at the center of the room. they glowed red, but there was not enough heat nor light to reach you and aegon. you held him tighter for warmth, pulling the blanket up over the two of you in the cold darkness.

“surprised you haven’t told me i’m crushing you yet,” he spoke into your neck, breath hot against your skin.

a small laugh died in your throat. “i’m very comfortable, my king.”

you began to stroke the hair at the nape of his neck, twirling the curls in between your fingers. he hummed at the sensation, obviously enjoying it. one of his hands was dragged up the length from the top of your thigh, to your breast. the fabric of your linen pulled with his hand, but it stopped when his hand found the curve of your breast.

aegon stared at the sweet, delectable looking nipple that was poking through the linen due to the night chill. he held the weight of your breast in his palm, and used his thumb to draw circles on the nub. the roughness of the linen, coupled with the cool sensitivity of your bud, and the rising tension in the air made warmth spread throughout your body. aegon, well… aegon watched you watch his hand. he watched for any sign of displeasure — because he would’ve withdrew. he would’ve withdrew if you did not look as though you would enjoy it if he continued.

“tell me to stop if you wish,” his voice was soft and cautious in the lack of light as he played with your nipple. he would’ve stopped, he so would’ve — but he was hoping so desperately that you would let him wrap his lips around your sensitive nub and suckle, possibly with his other hand between your thighs as he played with your supple folds. “if you tell me to stop, i will stop.”

“…i don’t want you to stop,” you whispered into the darkness, no longer trapped in fear, shyness, or insecurity.

something in aegon’s chest leapt.

through his pink lips, his tongue poked through and wrapped around your sensitive nipple through your night shift. the taste of linen was foreign and strange, but aegon craved to see the look on your face when you felt the combination of the cool air, his warm, wet mouth, and the linen all working together to create the most delicious feeling of friction you had ever felt on such a sensitive area.

and by the look on your face — aegon was right.

aegon grew confident — bold even. selfish. he lightly bit the sensitive nub, causing a sharp intake of breath from you. he chuckled against you — pleased with your frustration in response to his teasing.

“a good king would show equal attention to both breasts, wouldn’t he?” he asked, in between kisses to your nipple. “can i take off your shift and show you?”

“please,” you whispered, shivering with chill and pleasure.

though your shift was opaque and did not leave much to the imagination, aegon could not believe his eyes when he took of your shift. he would burn all shifts if he could — therefore barring you from every covering up your beautiful body. your beautiful, perfect skin caught what light the fire could spare and aegon watched as goosebumps rose on your skin with every pass of his hand. you watched him as he stared at every bit of your front, letting his hands run up and down your body.

"i have never felt anything so soft," he spoke, before leaning his head forward.

he couldn't help himself. how could he? he was the fucking king. he didn't have to waste time with pleasantries. he had your consent, and he had your willingness, and he had the most beautiful breasts he had ever seen right before his eyes. he was greedy as he suckled at your breast; pulling and tugging the sensitive nub between his lips and rolling it. he did the same with your other breast, but with his hand. he could play with your breasts all night long if you let him, and he considered asking.

but then... oh, then... then he smelled the faint sweet aroma of your slick building and trying to escape from your lustrous folds in between your thighs.

that had never happened... with a woman he hadn't paid...

your nipple popped from his mouth, and now he played with both nipples in between his thumb and index fingers. you gasped at the sensation — so sensitive. you glanced down at aegon through your thick lashes and flushed cheeks.

he was peacefully smiling — while you were on the cusp of insanity.

"i feel as though i have been neglecting other parts of you," he spoke with a knowing smile. his beautiful eyes were no longer red and teary, but bright and hopeful. "as a good king, will you let me make it up to you?"

"yes," you gasped, trying to fight the urge to rock your hips into him. "please, your grace."

he wasted no time.

he slid down the length of your abdomen and threw your legs over his shoulders. his breath was hot and heavy on your cunt, making you shiver at the juxtaposition of the cool night air. you could hear him humming — pleased — below you as he spread your wet lips. aegon watched as the small flames caught the wetness and let ghosts of past flames dance on your more precious spot.

he couldn't help himself. he licked up the length of your slit.

you immediately threw your head back, gasping. your fingers fisted the silk sheets of aegon's bed, hoping to ground yourself.

you heard a scoff from below you before aegon grabbed one of your hands, and put it on his head. you cooed in response — pleased — before tanging your fingers throughout his strands. he hummed in approval against your clit, making you shiver once more.

"you taste so sweet," he whispered. "like nectar."

he spread your folds before he wrapped his lips around your most sensitive bud, sucking on it. two of his fingers found your leaking hole and pressed in slowly, nudging at the inner wall. your hips were writhing at this point as your head filled with all sorts of nonsense. heat and pleasure and smoke and wine — they curled in your psyche like beings in the water, playing together. aegon was relentless with how he lapped up your juices, greedy for more and more.

he couldn't stop. he wouldn't stop. the way your fingers curled on his scalp — scratching and soothing — was all of the encouragement he needed to keep going. he let your writhing hips work on his face. a good king would never deny a lady the extra friction she needed to reach her peak. your peak. all he wanted to do was bring you to your peak so he could see the fucked out look on your face. he wanted it so badly he began to dig his own his against the silk sheets, cock straining to find any sort of relief. he was beginning to grow feverish, which only inspired him to work a your faster and messier. he wanted your climax. he had earned your climax.

"'m so close," you whined. "'m so close, my king. please don't stop... please..."

he found himself pushing a third finger in, demanding your orgasm from you. that orgasm was no longer yours — but something he could give and also take from you. you would experience it, but it would be his. his win. his glory. his trophy.

and when your hips snapped up... he knew he had you.

he slammed your hips down onto the bed to keep you from moving — keep you from moving away from his tongue. his tongue was relentless in the way it continued its work on your clit as you came. you shoved your head into the pillow as all of your muscles went taut, letting wave after wave after wave after wave crash over you and pull you under. you were gasping for air, twisting and turnin away from aegon as the sensitivity became so much. too much. bittersweet, making you push him away but wanting to pull him towards you.

he ripped himself from you when he was finished, your juices flowing still caught on his chin. through your post-orgasm haze and half closed eyes, you watched him through your half-closed eyelids. there, aegon stood over you, fisting his cock over your body.

"inside me, your grace," you whispered. "please."

that was all aegon needed. with one swoop, his cock had bested the threshold of your cunt. his lips found one of your breasts, suckling on the nipple, as he began thrusting his length inside of you.

your hands found the back of his head, pulling at the roots of his hair. your small gasps were music to his ears as he rocked his hips against yours, chasing his high.

"you're so good, aegon..." you whined at the feeling of aegon taking every sensitive area for his own. "so sweet..."

his heart strings were pulling at her words as a flush reached his cheeks. he was not embarrassed, no — he was encouraged. a woman — a perfect, beautiful, and supple woman lay before him and begged for his touch. for his caress. for the pleasure he could bring her — the both of them. she held him so close to her breast as he fucked his cock into her. the intimacy of the position had awakened something carnal in him; something sick and twisted that wanted more, and more, and more.

"that's it... just like that..." you spoke. "take what you need, my sweet. you're so good..."

his hips were beginning to stir at your words, foreign to his ears. he was rutting into you like an animal now at your praise, sure to leave bruises on your breasts by the sunrise.

"all yours..."

fuck. fuck. fuck.

he didn't know what to do.

it had never crept up on him so fast.

a blush was rising to his cheeks he had not known since his first orgasm. an exasperated gasp was rising and falling in his throat, ready to escape and fill the room.

"so good for me," were your final words.

aegon came with a sob. a fucking sob. he snapped his hips twice into your sopping wet cunt before his balls tightened, tightened, and tightened — shooting whatever he could into you. thick, hot, white ropes decorated the inside of your cunt in the most pathetic and desperate manner. his hips continued to rut his spend into you, desperate for his release. you could hear his whines and cries in your ear, working himself through his own orgasm as your sweet words of praise guided him to where he needed to be.

"that's it, sweetheart," you spoke against his ear, causing him to shiver. "you're just so good for me, my king."

all he needed was a bit of comfort.

____

comments and critiques plz :P <3 xox - L

[writeonwhiskey]

the skz house: ch 28

a/n: You guys are the best. I swear. Thank you for sticking through this wild ride with me. And thank you @bahablastplz for editing!

[ read chapter 27 here ]

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Of Notices and Benches

You cover your face with your hands as you begin to sob. Hyunjin springs into action, rolling onto his side and wrapping his arms around you. You wish there was another way—you don’t truly want to leave yet. But you feel like you have no other choice.

You refuse to suffer through Chan’s antics for the remainder of the school year. You won’t survive it.

Hyunjin pulls you against his chest and strokes the back of your head tenderly. Although his actions comfort you, you find yourself crying even harder, your breathing becoming erratic. 

You weren’t prepared to feel these emotions so soon. You really believed you’d have at least another month and a half before even having to think about saying goodbye. Now that you’ve said the words out loud, it’s hitting you too hard.

“Is there anything I can do to change your mind?” Hyunjin asks softly.

How are you going to say goodbye to him? How can you possibly carry on in life without his unwavering support?

You attempt to control your crying and breathing to get a response out of your chest.

“I’m sure there is,” you sniffle, curling your hands into fists and propping them under your chin. You press your tear-stained face directly against his bare torso. “…but please, don’t.”

You feel him nod against the top of your head.

“Have you told anyone else?” he asks.

“No, not yet.”

He lets out a long breath. He doesn’t even have to say it. You know what he’s thinking, you know what comes next—telling Chan.

The following morning you make Hyunjin promise not to say anything to anyone. He assures you he won’t, and you believe him with ease.

You spend the majority of the day formulating your next steps now that you’ve made this decision—you need to figure out where you’ll spend the rest of the semester, after all. With the funds you’ve saved from your parents you can rent a fully furnished studio apartment for two months. You browse places online first, then on Saturday, Hyunjin accompanies you to look at them in person.

You find a place that will suffice, but the leasing agent advises the unit will become available in just one week. Though you’ve made this decision, you hadn’t anticipated moving so soon.

“Can we have a moment to discuss it?” you ask the leasing agent.

“Sure, I’ll be in the office. Just use the keypad to lock up on your way out.”

Hyunjin, seated in the desk chair, reaches his hand out for you as soon as the leasing agent leaves. You place your hand in his, allowing him to bring you closer. He places his hands on the back of your thighs and looks up at you. You feel the sudden urge to commit his face to memory, because you know as time goes on it will fade.

“Fuck,” you exhale as the thought weighs on your chest. “What am I doing?”

“What’s best for you,” he replies.

“Am I overreacting? Am I being dramatic?”

He moves you so you’re sitting on his leg and wraps his arms around you.

“Maybe a little,” he shrugs. “But sometimes you have to be.”

You rest your head on his shoulder.

“You have two choices—we go in there and you sign the paperwork, or we can go home and act like this never happened. You haven’t told anyone else; it would be just between us.”

“I really don’t think I’ll be able to hold myself together there…with him, for another two months, Hyunjin.”

“Then this is the right decision for you,” he says without missing a beat. “I’ll miss you…but I hate seeing you like this, y/n.”

He holds you against him for a little while longer in silence.

“Alright, let’s get back to the leasing office before he thinks we’re fucking in here.”

You laugh at that and slowly stand from his lap.

“You know I wouldn’t have survived this long without you, right?”

He stands, too, and places his hands on your hips. He leans down to kiss you on the lips. When he breaks the kiss, he leaves his head extremely close to yours, cupping your face and looking straight into your eyes.

“You deserve to be loved and spoiled. Never forget that.”

“I’ll try.”

“You better,” he quickly pecks you on the lips again before taking your hand and leading you out of the apartment.

In the leasing office, he holds your hand as the leasing agent starts speaking in technical terms about the agreements and down payments and when it’s time to pay, Hyunjin covers the cost. You nearly burst into tears at his kindness but settle for hugging and thanking him instead.

On Saturday, you seek out Lee Know to put in your official notice. It’s not a full two weeks as required in the contract, but it’s the best you can do. He’s lounging in the living room with Allie at his side when you ask to speak with him. He seems understandably confused at the request, but follows you out into the backyard, nonetheless.

You take a seat near the firepit, hugging your knees to your chest as he eyes you curiously. You avert your gaze to the charred wood and ashes in the firepit.

Has it really been two months already since you all rang in the New Year in this very spot? It doesn’t feel like much time has passed, yet so much has changed in that short span of time. And not for the better.

“I don’t really know how this works,” you tell him, once you’ve finally bit up the courage to speak. “If I just say it, or if you need it in writing, but…I’m leaving the SKZ house next Sunday.”

He stares at you, for what feels like a lifetime, in silence. You keep your eyes on the firepit, unable to look at him. You know he’s reading you, maybe even upset or annoyed that you didn’t heed his warning.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” he finally asks.

You look up at him and catch a glimpse of his rare compassionate side. He seems worried—but is it for you, or Chan?

“I’m sure,” you nod.

“There’s no taking it back once I put in the notice.”

“I’m sure, Minho,” you use his given name for impact.

“Okay,” he accepts. “Today is March 9th—so that will make March 17th your last day here. I’ll give the announcement at dinner.”

“Can you give me a day before announcing it? I want to tell Chan myself.”

“Of course,” he offers you a kind, understanding smile.

“Thanks,” you tell him.

“You know…” he trails off, that fleeting, kind smile already turned upwards into a smirk. “If you’d been with me this wouldn’t—”

You fix him with a death stare, and he shuts up immediately.

“Okay, okay. Too soon.” He nods, realizing now is not the time for his ill-placed humor. “We’ll all miss you; you know that, right?”

“I know. I’ll miss everyone, too.”

You know that first and foremost he is Chan’s friend—Chan’s brother, really. Outside of Hyunjin, Lee Know was the first to have any clue as to what was happening between the two of you. You wonder if Chan has told him anything, something that would cause him to clarify that they will all miss you.

You know he wants you to understand that includes Chan. However, the events that led up to this drastic decision make you believe otherwise. Maybe Chan will miss you, but you’ve seen how he can quickly channel his feelings into anger and disassociation. At the end of the day, he’ll use those same coping mechanisms to forget you.

You have to keep telling yourself this is for the best.

All throughout class on Monday, you can’t help but think of your shrinking timeline. You need to tell Chan you’re leaving; you need to say goodbye to everyone and start packing. You only have six days left.

As you exit the building after class and walk to the parking lot to meet Jeongin and Allie, you stop in your tracks at the sight of Chan. He’s leaning against the front of the black Tesla, hands shoved in his pocket, staring directly at you.

You feel a sudden surge of adrenaline course through you. At first you question why he’s here—but that’s easily answered. He must know. There is literally no other reason for him to be here right now. Then you feel anger—did Lee Know tell him? You know Hyunjin wouldn’t betray you like this. 

You contemplate turning around. You could go back to the building and find an alternate exit. You could take an Uber home. You could run into oncoming traffic. All of those choices seem exponentially easier than facing this man, but they would only exacerbate things.

You take a deep breath and resume walking towards him. The moment you’re close enough to see the expression on his face, you falter. You should have run.

Pissed off doesn’t even begin to describe how he’s looking at you.

“Chan,” you whisper his name ever so softly, “I was gonna tell—”

“Get in the car.” he cuts you off.

You let out another deep breath, but from his tone you know it’s best not to reply. Instead, you just walk around him to the passenger side of the car. Although he doesn’t have a right to be upset with your decision to leave, you can’t fault him for being angry that you didn’t tell him sooner.

Chan gets in the car, starts it up and backs out of the parking space.

“Put on your seatbelt,” he tells you.

“I was going to tell you today,” you finally complete your unfinished sentence as you pull the seatbelt around you and click it into the buckle.

You look over at him. His eyes are trained on the road in front of him, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. He doesn’t say anything as he drives. You face forward, not knowing where he’s taking you, but it’s not in the direction of the house. As more recognizable scenery starts to pass by you realize he’s taking you back to Rosewood Park.

You pass the familiar entrance sign, feeling almost entirely like a different person than when he first brought you here all those months ago—but are you, really? You’re once again feeling vulnerable to his temper, afraid of what he might say or do, or tell you to do.

He parks and you both exit the car. You follow quietly behind him along the walking trail, all the way to the same secluded bench located on the bike path.

You sit down first, then he does too, leaving about two feet between you.

“How did you find out?”

He scoffs, “Is that what’s most important to you, right now?”

You lean back against the bench and cross your arms in front of your chest. His snarky tone is unsettling. This way that he speaks to you, in particular, is part of the reason you can’t stay. He can’t treat you like this whenever he’s upset, and you can’t keep allowing him to do it with no consequences.

If anything, this behavior only confirms the decision you’ve made. All his talk about not letting your relationship fail if you ran away into the sunset together feels like a blatant lie right now. He is clearly capable of pushing aside reason in favor of his emotions. Perhaps you are dodging a bullet.

“I will have this talk with you, Chan,” you begin, “but only if you are going to be fair to me. You’re not the only one that’s hurt—you’re not the only one that’s scared shitless right now.”

He takes a moment to contemplate your words before replying.

“My room overlooks the backyard, you know that,” he explains, sounding calmer, “I saw you and Lee Know out there and I pressed him about it all morning. Maybe intimidated it out of him.”

With Chan being the oldest, you imagine he’s the only one that could intimidate anything out of Lee Know.

“I’m sorry…I just wanted to be the one to tell you.”

“Why wouldn’t you come talk to me first?” he asks.

“Because we’ve done so well with talking recently?” you counter.

He lets his head lean over the back of the bench. He knows you’re right.

“But if I’d known you were going to do something so drastic I would’ve…” he sighs, trying to find the words. “I don’t know what I would have done.”

“There’s nothing you can do. It’s already decided. It’s my choice, remember?”

He chooses not to respond to that.

“I know you’re not the best at expressing yourself, Chan, but how you’ve treated me the last three weeks is unacceptable.”

“I know. I fucked this all up,” he admits, rubbing at his face. “I don’t know how to be. After saying all that shit to you I’m just supposed to act like I’m happy that you don’t want me as more than the guy you’re contracted to cater to?”

You shake your head, “It’s not that I don’t want you. I swear I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. It’s just the truth of this unfortunate situation we’re in—I can’t have you. You can’t keep me.”

He leans forward and places his elbows on his knees, head in his hands.

“I know how much you love your family,” you continue, “especially your sister and brother. I’d be selfishly taking you away from them if I let you choose me.”

He starts to run his hands through his hair.

“And your future. Everything you’ve worked so hard for would be thrown out the window.”

He suddenly sits up straight and turns to face you.

“That’s the thing, y/n. I haven’t pictured a future that doesn’t have you in it since the moment you stepped foot in our house.”

You’re at a loss for words at that. He stands from the bench and starts pacing back and forth in front of you.

“It could work out…it would. It still can,” he’s saying, though it seems like he’s trying to convince himself more than you.

“There’s a legally binding contract that says it’s forbidden,” you remind him. “Please don’t fight it and make this any harder than it already is.”

“We were supposed to have more time together,” he continues pacing, “if you’d have just given me a little more time, I would have come around…”

“Chan…stop,” you tell him, but he keeps on pacing and rambling.

“We could have gone somewhat back to normal. We could have—”

 “Stop!”

He presses his lips together and pauses his movements, stopping in front of you with his eyes focused on the grass.

You can’t let him spiral. You want nothing more than to tell him he’s right. That, together, you can figure out a way to make this work. You want to take him by the hand and reassure him that everything is going to be okay. But you know it would be an empty promise because you can’t guarantee any of it.

It pains you to see him like this, like he’s falling apart. And everything he’s saying feels like too little, too late. You can’t undo any of this.

“I know it may not feel like it right now, but this is the best choice. For both of us.”

“Don’t say that,” he shakes his head, eyes still on the ground.

“I mean it. And one day when you’re,” you pause, struggling to get the words out, “m—married and have little ones running around, you’ll realize that I was right. As much as it hurts right now…it’s the right thing to do.”

He’s still shaking his head, digging his foot into the grass in front of him.

“Can you look at me?”

“I can’t,” he replies.

You reach out for his hand, and he lets you grab it. You pull him to you, and he lowers himself to his knees.

“Look at me.”

“For what?” he asks. “To feel my heart shatter even more?”

That statement unravels you. You muster up all the strength and courage left inside of you. You hook a finger under his chin and tilt his head up—he doesn’t resist. When his eyes meet yours, you see the tears pooling inside of them and feel the cracks splintering your heart, too.

“Chan, I’m sorry…” you choke out. “I’m doing this because I lov—”

“Don’t,” he cuts you off, “Don’t fucking say it. Please.”

He’s right. It’s probably best not to. But you can show him.

You wrap your hands behind his neck and lean forward to kiss him. He kisses you back. You both channel your unspoken words into the movements of your lips and tongues. The salt of your tears adds a new flavor to the anguish of your connection.

When you pull away from him, you’re both breathing shakily, trying to get ahold of yourselves. You rest your forehead against his.

“I thought I could be the man you deserve.” he whispers.

You lean back against the bench, and he once again averts his gaze. He then lowers his head so it’s resting in your lap, and you lightly rub the hairs at the nape of his neck. There’s nothing more either of you can say. There’s no perfect resolution, this conversation was never going to end wrapped up in a pretty bow.

[ read chapter 29 here ]

a/n: how are we feeling after that? it felt really important to bring them back here for this conversation 🩵 next chapter is a chan POV!

[lunajay33]

Precious🩵

Summary: Reader gets separated from Daryl at the start and finds a farm with a wonderful family, she finds out she’s pregnant and one thing leads to another and a new group settles onto the farm

•Masterlist•

I waited for Daryl at our little house in the small town we grew up in, I had been gone to the city for the day when everything happened, I was able to find a car and drive back home praying that Daryl would be there waiting for me but I knew it would be a long shot, I waited for a few days until the food ran out and decided if I was ever going to find him again then I’ll have to go find him myself

So I pack up my bag with essentials, clothes, water, snacks that were left over and weapons for Daryl’s hunting collection, I drove for what felt like forever no signs of human life only blood and rotting corpses who some how took over the earth

I came to the interstate seeing the cars upon cars piled up blocking my way so I turned around hoping to find a back road to get around when I spotted a sign “Greene’s Farm” if the farm was still standing maybe it could have some food or more water, as I pulled up the drive way to a large white farm house people filtered out, it felt surreal to see people, live people

I got out of the car as the came down the stairs, it was an older man a girl around my age and a younger blonde, then what seemed to be an older couple and a younger boy

“How’d you find this place?” The man with the white hair asked

“I’ve been on the road looking for my husband, I got turned around in the road and saw your farm sign, I just need some rest” I say as I run my hand down my belly

When I went to the city when everything happened I found out I was pregnant and I was over the moon about finally starting a family with Daryl but now I’m scared, scared about delivery, this baby never meeting their wonderful father

The man noticed my movement and his harsher demeanor changed to one of pity

“Come dear we’ll get something set up for you”

They let me settle in the spare room after feeding me some eggs and fresh fruit, the house was cozy and they are lovely people but I can’t help that feeling in the pit of my stomach, the feeling I always got when Daryl would be gone too long, he always soothed me even if he didn’t talk much he showed me comfort with actions of love and care

Whenever he scrounged up enough money he’d buy me little gifts, he got me a silver necklace with a bow on it which I never take off, I never got a wedding ring because I refused and said we should keep the money for the future and that I don’t need some diamond to show my love for him

“Knock knock” I look up to the doorway and see Maggie standing there with a wide smile

“Daddy wanted me to check on you, well both of you”

“Oh yes I think we’re okay, I only found out about two weeks ago”

“That’s when you first had symptoms?” She asked as she sat next to me on the bed

“Yeah, the nausea and a little bump”

“I’d say you’re about two months pregnant then, signs only show up later, does the father know?” I shock my head feeling my heart clench in pain

“I never got the chance, I don’t even know where he is but somehow in my heart I believe we will find our ways back to each other” she ran a comforting hand up my back and smiled

“You’ll find him sweetheart you never know what might happen!” She said before she left the room giving me space to finally rest

It’s been 2 months now on the farm and it was peaceful for some reason this farm has gone untouched from the world that’s filled with death, I haven’t stopped looking for Daryl, every other day I’d search farther and farther out but there was no sign, as I was walking back to the farm I saw two men and Otis running through the field, I got back to the house and Maggie told me of everything that was happening, Otis accidentally shot the boy who Hershel was working on now

I sat outside on the steps as the young boys father came out obviously in shock covered in blood, he sat next to me completely disheveled, I took a rag I had in my pocket and wiped some blood he smeared on his face

“Hershel is a good surgeon and a great man, your son is in good hands” my words seemed to calm him down and what he needed right now was a distraction it seems

“I remember when my wife found out she was pregnant with Carl, we were young but I was excited this little life was gonna be born, so how far along are you?”

“About 4 months now, I’m not sure if it’s a boy or girl, I got separated from the father when I found out but I’ve kept looking, I know he’s out there, he’s a stubborn man but god is he strong and pretty smart too”

“Yeah I know the type, got a man like that back in our group, we lost a little girl and he’s been looking for her day and night”

“Maggie should be back soon she must have found your group by now, it’ll be okay” almost as if she heard me I see her horse ride up the field with cars following, then I hear the rumble of a motorcycle and it brought back so many memories I had with Daryl, when he’d work on his bike I’d sit with him, when we’d go for a drive at night together, moments I kept dear to my heart, zoned out in nostalgic thought I didn’t notice the group coming to the steps

“Y/n?” The grumble to the voice that I fell in love with, I look up to see him standing there just as the day I last saw him still as handsome, I couldn’t stand up fast enough before I was pulled off the stairs and into his arms

“I can’t believe it’s you, I looked everywhere, I missed you so much Daryl” I cried into his shoulder as his group was most likely watching this moment unwind

“It’s me sunshine, I found ya” he pulled back and we just looked into each others eyes for some time before he looked me over stopping abruptly on my belly

He opened his mouth but he seemed to be at a lose for words

“It’s yours if that’s what you’re wondering?”

“My baby?” He asked placing his hands on either side of my bump

“Yeah our lil baby Dixon”

After everything settled down and people set up tents I decided to stay with Daryl since they were using my room for Carl, I was sitting across from him on my sleeping bag and he couldn’t take his eyes off my bump

“Do you want to feel?” He thought for a moment before he nodded, I lifted my ivory dress just above my belly feeling his warm hands caress my bare skin

“How did this happen?”

“Well remember that night you came back from the bar with Merle and I was wearing my pink sundress you love” realization dawned as a blush crossed his face

“Yeah that’s how it happened” I laugh missing how easily it is to embarrass him

“Where have you been?” I asked as we laid next to each other

“Found a camp outside of Atlanta with Merle, idiot went and got himself stuck on a roof don’t know where he is now, then we went to the CDC and that was a bust then that leads to now finally some sanity with ya”

“I’m just glad you didn’t get bite, the farms been secure so I haven’t had any troubles”

“And ya never have to with me ‘round”

It’s been 6 months and Daryl and I had a beautiful 1 month old baby girl, it was painful giving birth but with Daryl by my side it made it a bit easier, hopeful

She was a wonderful little thing, barely fussy, brown hair light blue eyes just like Daryl, and he was over the moon about her he praised me over and over for giving him such a gift he treasured

We were able to move into the house to make it more comfortable for the three of us, we named her Lily because Carl thought it suited her perfectly so we just went with it

I walked into the room seeing Daryl sat on the bed with her in his arms her little hands reaching to pull on his now grown out hair, I sat beside them curling up to Daryl’s side

“She loves you so much D”

“Not as much as I love her”

“You know I think she’s your favourite”

“Nah she loves us both sunshine, I love ya”

“I love you too Daryl, forever”

[coco-loco-nut]

Forza Red Bull

Pairing: Max x Best Friend Reader

Summary: You have a big decision to make, stick with Red Bull or move to Ferrari

A/n: changing when the driver's press conference is for the plot. Thanks for the request!! I loved writing this

requests open masterlist

_________

It is getting increasingly harder to hide your trips to the Ferrari motorhome, where you are negotiating a potential contract. Fred has been talking with you the latter half of the season, just waiting on a phone call from you, one that you are reluctant to take despite it being an offer you can't otherwise refuse.

Your contract ends after this season and Red Bull is waiting until after the season to offer you a new contract, despite them knowing your requests. To you, Red Bull’s waiting says everything. They aren’t confident in you, and they don’t want you.

Carlos is leaving the Ferrari team, having gotten a better seat elsewhere. Most F1 fans believe Ferrari will be signing Ollie Bearman or Arthur Leclerc.

"Y/n, it's a beautiful day for racing," Max wraps his arm around your shoulders, fresh from a workout. The hot Abu Dhabi air doesn't help the sweat.

"Ew, Max, get off of me, you smell," you gag for the added effect.

"I'm wounded, my own teammate and best friend?" Max places his hand over his heart.

"Go shower than we can talk. I stopped dealing with sweaty Max after karting," you shove him off of you. Max rolls his eyes, heading to shower while you beeline for coffee.

Your heart hurts while greeting the staff you have grown to love since you joined the team in 2021. Hannah sits down beside you.

"How are you feeling today?" she asks, handing you a pastry.

"Good, I think I have a shot at winning today, hopefully with your brilliant strategy I will," you smile hopefully, one that drops as you see her cringe a little.

"About that, Christian wants you to defend," Hannah tells you, you can feel the anger building. You have been so close to beating Max last year and the championship is just within your grasp, you need this win. You should've known better, you were brought onto the team for your ability to defend. She shouldn’t even be warning you about Christian’s strategy, but she has a soft spot for you as a friend.

"Hannah, please," your eyes beg her to give you the better strategy.

"I'm sorry, Y/n," she whispers, the one person on pit wall you thought that was on your side other than your race engineer. You swallow your pride and nod, looking away.

"Understood, I'll defend," you say after a second.

"You are a wonderful teammate and driver, Max is lucky to have you," her comforting words fall flat. Max. Your best friend and fiercest competition.

"I have to go to the press conference," you say, standing up and walking away.

"Y/n? Everything okay?" Pierre asks, you two weren't close, but you were a part of a group chat for drivers who are traumatized by Red Bull, one that you had often joked that you don't belong in. Now you know why Daniel added you.

"Red Bull," you huff angrily.

"I'm sorry," Pierre doesn't know why he's apologizing, but he can certainly empathize with you. The two of you walk to the conference together. You weren't close with Pierre, but you aren't enemies either.

You receive the first question of the conference.

"Y/n, you've been strong in free practice and qualifying. How are you feeling going into today, knowing that these are crucial points in your battle with your teammate, Max? Especially since you were in this position last year," the interviewer asks.

"Wow, starting off strong. Um, yeah, the car has felt great all weekend, I feel great going into today. It's always so much fun to race with Max, something I've had the privilege to do since we were karting together. Max got the win last year, so I hope I can secure it for myself this year," You say, hoping that satisfies the question. It does, at least until the journalists.

"How is Red Bull handling the driver situation, seeing that you and Max are both fighting for a championship," the journalist asks.

"Obviously the team wants us both to succeed, they will have a winner either way. I'm really glad to be with a team that supports both of us that way," you lie through your teeth, knowing that Christian wants Max to win. There is a reason that the Red Bull PR team loves you doing press conferences. You can feel Pierre, Carlos, and Daniel looking at you, knowing that you are likely lying, they just aren't sure which part.

"Good luck today, Y/n, if someone is going to beat me, I want it to be my best friend. If it isn't this year, I know you will take next year's Red Bull to the top," Max hugs you. Your anger dissolves for a moment, you aren't mad at him. He makes a great point, you already have a great relationship with Red Bull, you love it here, even if Christian makes you mad sometimes. Ferrari is, well, Ferrari. The car isn't as good and the strategy is lacking. You are smart, you know Red Bull is the better team, and Christian can't ignore your ability after this season.

"Thank you, Maxie. I hope you lose," he can't help but to laugh with you. You go into your driver's room to text your agent, letting them know which team you chose.

"Y/n, are you sure?" She asks over the phone, calling you immediately.

"I am," your agent agrees to let both teams know, only asking you to call her after the race.

You get ahead later in the race, wheel to wheel with Max as you battle for P1. You know Red Bull isn't going to show their hand that they want Max to win yet.

Y/n, let Max overtake

The instructions flow through your earpiece, you push harder.

No. Max can take the win from my cold dead hands. That's a team order, Y/n I don't give a shit. Tell Christrian and Hannah to fuck off.

Max is a bit confused why you aren't letting him pass, GP told him he was getting the overtake, but he respects you wanting to fight. You ignore your engineer trying to get you to follow team directions.

Y/n, I'm saying this as your friend, your race engineer for the past 3 years. Max has the faster pace, you have to let him pass before you end up in a crash

You hold back the tears in your eyes, as you watch Max slide in front of you, taking P1.

It's not fair. I know, keep fighting. We will get it next season. I will hold you to that. Red Bull owes me that much.

You keep your helmet on after the race, not letting the cameras see you cry. Max immediately finds you after weigh-ins.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry, I didn't know they were going to do that," Max says, pulling you into a hug.

"I knew. Hannah told me this morning," you do your best not to take your anger out on him.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would've fought for you, you're my best friend," Max asks, confused.

"I didn't want you to throw your race for me,"

"This isn't happening next year, I will make Christian understand that. You fought so hard for the win, you deserved it," Max tells you and you nod.

"I know, I'm negotiating it into my contract. I have to go pee and make it look like I wasn't crying. I'll see you in a minute," you tell Max, purposefully being ambiguous like you have the past couple months, going into the private bathroom to make the quick call, getting your phone from your assistant.

"You have the green light to announce your contract," she says before you hang up. You subtly give your phone back and head to the podium.

"That was one hell of a fight, is Red Bull mad at you for ignoring team orders, even though you did give up the spot?" You are asked after the podium by Sky Sports.

"Probably, not that it matters much now since it was the last race of the season," you shrug.

"You have yet to announce your contract renewal with Red Bull, will you be negotiating the team orders part?" Another asks.

"Yeah, I will be making sure any future contracts don't allow something like today to happen again. Red Bull has been waiting because of my salary increase. Which is why I will be joining Scuderia Ferrari next season," you say, dropping the bomb. You had been tempted to say Forza Ferrari over the team radio.

Max looks at you in disbelief and hurt. You don't comment after that, electing to leave the room and go back to your driver's room. Charles nods supportively at you, having been informed already about his new teammate.

"Y/n, open the door," you hear Max's voice on the other side a few minutes after you change.

"Max, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I made the decision minutes before the race," your voice cracks a little.

"How long have you been talking to them?"

"Since after summer break,"

"Damn it! Why didn't you tell me, I could've helped you," Max looks utterly broken.

"Because you needed to focus on your racing. Even if I stayed things would be good for a few races then they would go back to how they are now. Red Bull will always choose you. I'm not mad at you for it, please know that," you plead a little as Max pulls away from you.

"You knew you were changing teams for half of the season and didn't tell me. You are going to our rival. You are supposed to be my best friend,"

"I am your best friend, Maxie, I wasn't allowed to say anything,"

"Don't call me that, I can't be friends with someone who doesn't trust me," Max gets up and leaves.

"Max! Max, please come back," you cry, a hole in your heart. You leave the paddock discreetly and go back to your hotel room. Usually, you'd be celebrating with Max, but now you don't know what to do. There is a knock on your door, you hope it's Max,

Daniel, Pierre, Yuki, Carlos, and Alex stand at your door with wine, a cake that reads 'Fuck Red Bull' and another that reads 'The real WDC winner'.

"Max is a dickhead," Daniel offers as you let them into your room. Despite Daniel's good relationship with Christian, he knows right from wrong.

"Thanks, guys. How did you even get cakes like this last minute?" you say, happy to celebrate with them.

“It’s a secret,” Yuki smiles secretively.

"Sorry, Y/n, you deserved the win. I'm glad you are taking my seat at Ferrari," Carlos says, patting your shoulder.

"Let's get drunk, eat cake, then go to the club," Pierre suggests, a plan that you all quickly agree to. Yuki and Alex show you the massive support you are receiving online and the backlash Red Bull is getting. It is comforting, you just wish your best friend was here.

Twitter has a field day with the squad you roll up to the bars with, but they all ask the same question, where's Max. It takes until testing for you to comment on it.

"You shocked the world after announcing a move to Ferrari not long after being forced to lose the world championship. Any harsh feelings towards Max Verstappen following last year's drama?" you are asked right away.

"None. Other drivers might be mad or take it out on the track, but at the end of the day, it wasn't his call, it was Red Bulls. Obviously, it sucks to lose someone who was your best friend, but everything happens for a reason. I can't wait to drive equally with my teammate and have the Tifosi support," you say, catching Max watching you out of the corner of your eye. He is obviously still upset. You ignore him, he can find you when he is ready to apologize.

"If she had told me what she was planning on doing, maybe we would be friends still, but I can't be friends with people who lie to me and are traitors," Max says when asked for his opinion. Max only apologized after you won the season with Ferrari, you think it was because Charles and Daniel forced him to. You are just happy to have your friend back.

[lesbianloser69]

It’s such a simple thing really, but “do you want me to be alive?” is one of, if not the saddest, things written in the entire world of one piece. Although, maybe thats just because of my soft spot for found family tropes (especially siblings lol)

Ace is just a small little boy here, a fragile thing compared to the character we all know. This is a harsh contrast compared to Ace in his adulthood, where he’s fueled by his ache to prove himself and prove that he’s more than his father. You never would have guessed the reality of his childhood, considering the cheery and almost comedic relief he can be at times.

I guess I kind of expected this, though. Aces hatred for himself and feeling that he doesn’t deserve to be alive was first hinted through his self deprecative jokes, before we ever knew about his past or who he was. I noticed this myself, that through the facade of sarcasm and cockiness there’s just a guy who feels like his life is a burden to all those around him. And what does it all come down to? His blood, the last name that he refuses to bear out of his hatred for the man who gave it its meaning.

Ace going by his mothers last name isn’t just a testimony for his respect and love for her, but also an act of defiance against his father. I don’t blame him lol, but it’s honestly heartbreaking that Ace has no idea that Roger did love him, and Ace died not knowing this.

The result of Rogers actions on the world though basically fucked Ace over for his entire life, and that was what made Roger selfish.. to go and cause a war and then have a son? It’s no surprise that Ace is seen as the child of the devil, because that’s exactly what Roger was seen as.. the devil.

So for all of Aces childhood he’s taught one thing: that his father was the devil, and that he is the child of that monster. That he doesn’t deserve to live, and what’s worse is he has to listen to strangers talk about murdering Rogers son, if he ever had one. He’s barely even lived to know anything, he’s just a baby, and he already believes what the ENTIRE world thinks of him, he’s hated and worthless and a burden. That’s so much for a 10 year old to have to carry alone, and it’s even sadder to see how this causes Ace to be shut off and cold to everyone he meets.

But of course he is.. hearing people talk about murdering him if he did exist (not directly him because no one knows Ace is Rogers son, except Garp and the mountain bandits. Besides, the world believed Roger having a son was a rumor anyway.) doesn’t make his hatred for anyone he meets that unsurprising. For all he knows, they want him dead too.

When Ace meets Luffy, he’s completely baffled that this boy he’s never met before wants to be his friend! How can someone WANT to be his friend? No ones ever been like that to Ace before, except for Sabo. Even after Ace pushes Luffy away, and makes it extremely obvious he hates him and doesn’t want Luffy near him, Luffy doesn’t give up. He’s urgently insistent on being Aces friend.

So…

“You feel better when you’re around me?”

“You need me?”

Ace is almost at a loss for words here. Luffy feels better around him, Luffy needs him. He’s wanted, he’s loved and he’s cared for, someone notices him for more than just a mistake, that is both beautiful and heartbreaking. And back to this panel:

The way ace nervously fidgets with his hands here (I believe he is, anyway) and his head is tilted downwards.. he’s clearly asking something that means everything to him.

“Do you want me to be alive?”

And little Luffy just instantly, without hesitation, says of course is soooo fucking cute and sweet and UGHHHH!!! Luffy is the first person to EVER say he WANTS (fr gotta emphasize on the want) Ace to be alive. This changed the trajectory of Aces life forever.

I guess I’ll stop here but there’s so much more I could talk about and say.. but Ace and Luffy are very special to me

my small babies☹️

[angelicsoka]

SEE YOU LATER, q. hughes

word count | 1.3k

pairings | quinn hughes x fem!reader

summary | in which quinn and his high school sweetheart break up due to her fear of holding him back, only to meet again five years later.

warnings | not proofread, no use of "y/n". lowercase intended. use of the name “ellie”. this is a work of fiction, i am by no means saying this is how they act in real life.

a/n | i know i’ve already posted today but i thought i would post this as well! i changed the plot a little bit from when i posted the draft reveal, but here it is! i lowkey hate this but i finally had a surge of motivation.

quinn hughes was in love; something he thought he wouldn’t feel until he was settled in his career. a dedicated hockey player, quinn didn’t pursue love or relationships. that was until he met her. she was the sun to his moon, his everything. everyone warned him about falling in love, especially at his age and with his future, but quinn hughes ignored it all.

the night it all fell apart was the night quinn hughes stopped believing in love. it was the night before he was set to leave for dallas, texas for the 2018 draft. the couple had just finished the cupcakes she had made and were now watching the stars; well she was, quinn’s eyes were trained on her face, following the features he had come to memorize. “quinny, you’re staring.” she giggled, turning to face him. 

“i can’t help it, i’ve got the most beautiful girl in the world by my side, why wouldn’t i be staring?” this enticed another laugh from her, quinn smiling at the way her face lit up. 

“i wish we could stay here forever.” she spoke after a few minutes of silence, unable to look at quinn. she felt guilty for what she was about to do, but it was the right thing to do. 

“come with me.” the statement shocked her, and apparently quinn as well by the look on his face. he shook off the shock before continuing: “i want you by my side.”

“quinny…” she trailed off, quinn sitting up. she sat up as well, still avoiding looking at him.

“don’t do this. please.” she wiped a stray tear, finally looking to him. “please.”

“i’m sorry, quinn. but i will only hold you back.” quinn’s eyes filled with tears, but he refused to let them fall. “you know it's true.”

“no, no it's not!” 

“quinn, we can still be friends! and maybe when you’re settled in your career and if we aren’t in relationships, we could try this again.” quinn shook his head, a tear running down his cheek. she reached over and wiped it, her hand lingering for a moment. “i love you, but this is for the best.”

now, it had been almost five years since quinn had seen his ex. he hadn’t had a serious relationship since, instead focusing on his career. now, the season was over and quinn was back in michigan for summer with his brothers and friends.

“dude, i’m hungry…” luke groaned as he sprawled out on the couch. beside him, quinn sat his phone on the cushion, looking to his youngest brother.

“go get something to eat then.” he said, luke groaning once more.

“nobody will go with me to the diner and i will not go by myself. i don’t need people thinking i’m a loner.” quinn huffed out a laugh at his statement.

“i think it’s a little late for that.” luke sat up, punching him in the shoulder. “fine, i’ll go, but you’re buying.” luke jumped up, grabbing the car keys.

“let's go!” 

the ride to the diner was short, luke practically jumping out of the car before it was even at a complete stop. “dude, what's the rush?” quinn questioned, following him into the diner. 

“i’m hungry!” quinn rolled his eyes, taking a seat across from luke in the booth he had chosen. quinn’s eyes were busy scanning the menu when their waitress came over.

“hello, how you guys doing today?” quinn nearly dropped the menu, his eyes shooting up to meet her’s. he could recognize that voice anywhere. “quinn?” her voice caught in her throat, her eyes wide. 

“uh, hey.” he coughed, his cheeks bright red. luke watched wide eyed at the interaction, his eyes widening even more when a little girl tugged at her shirt.

“mama?” now it was her turn to blush, turning to the little girl.

“baby, go sit down, i’ll be over in a minute.” quinn’s mouth dropped open momentarily, looking to luke who held the same expression. “uh, sorry about that. what can i get you to drink?” after taking their drink order, she hurried off to the table that the little girl sat at. 

“dude, that kid kinda looks like you.” luke said, glaring at quinn after he kicked him.

“luke, please shut the fuck up.” luke shrugged, his eyes shooting from the menu to the little girl. she came back with their drinks, quickly taking their orders. she kept the interaction short, wanting to avoid them all together. it was her fault that they lost contact and she was the one who broke up with him. all her feelings resurfaced the moment she made eye contact with him, bringing up the need for a cigarette. she kissed the little girl’s head, grabbing her pack from her bag and stepping out to take a couple drags.

quinn watched as she hurried out, a sudden urge of confidence filled him, and before he knew it he was following her out. “can we talk?” he asked, hiding his surprise by his own confidence. 

“about what?” she asked, her eyes following the cars that sped by. she took a drag from her cigarette, hoping this would be over soon.

“you know what.” quinn was angry. angry they had lost contact, angry that she broke it off. “is she mine?” she sighed, her head dropping. she knew it would come back to bite her in the ass eventually, she just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon.

“yes.” she spoke no louder than a whisper but quinn heard her loud and clear. “i’m sorry–”

“don’t– i don’t want an apology cause i know you don’t mean it. why? why would you keep something so important to yourself? why wouldn’t you tell me? you know i would’ve stepped up, been there for you both–”

“that's exactly why, quinn! you would be so willing to drop everything, to end your career for us, for me. i didn’t want that, i couldn’t live with myself if that had happened! you can hate me for that, i don’t care, but you will not sacrifice your career to be a part of her life.” she wiped a stray tear, quinn staying quiet. “i will not stop you from being a part of her life, and i won’t force you either. i understand if you choose not to be around. i don’t blame you.”

“of course i want to be around.” quinn had tried to maintain eye contact, his eyes examining her face. he meant what he said, he wanted to be a part of his daughter’s life. he wanted to be a part of her life. 

“quinn, please.” she looked at him, “don’t feel like you need to do this. we are fine on our own.”

“i’m serious.” he held a straight face, “i want to be a part of both of your lives.” this cracked a smile on her face. she tried to hide it, dipping her head toward the ground. she put the cigarette out, flicking the butt. “when’s your shift over?”

“about an hour. would you like to meet her?” she began to walk back into the diner, quinn nodding as he followed. “ellie is kind of shy, you just have to be patient.” quinn shuffled in behind her, a smile gracing their faces at the sight of luke and ellie eating and coloring.

“oh hey, quinn! ellie was just showing me her art. i think she might be the next picasso!” quinn shared a look with his ex, a laugh bubbling up. he looked at the scribbles on the paper, a proud look on ellie’s face. 

quinn watched as his youngest brother happily colored with his daughter, a content smile on his face. he may have been thrown into a whole new world, but he could definitely get used to this.