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serialkilluh1996 · 2 months ago

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☠︎︎The Cause☠︎︎

Psychic-Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x Dead-female-reader

When Kyle arrives on scene to investigate your suicide, he finds that he can't, and I mean cannot, drop your case.

Proshippers, Comshippers DNI

Warnings: suicide, gore, guns, angst, contact me if I need to add more.

It wasn't a pretty sight; the bright, flashing police lights, the yellow caution tape. It was pretty overwhelming and took quite a toll on his anxiety.

One could blame him by saying he shouldn't work a job he wasn't mentally equipped for, but only someone deeply desensitized is mentally equipped for the things one saw working on his task force, especially not this time.

For example, the sight of CSI showering you in camera flashes, leaned in close to get a good angle of your blown off head as you slouched in your seat.

It was bloody, messy, splattered across the enclosure of your vehicle, your brain scattered across the place. It wasn't for the weak stomached.

He winced as he watched them pull you out of the car, laying you on the stretcher. Your head gushed and oozed with the movement, leaking across the scene, your hand shriveled, tight around the gun you used to end your life. Even in death, you held it tight, your fingers locked tightly around the trigger.

"Gaz," Price snaps the man out of his trance. "You're doing it again." Gaz sighs at the Captain's words, knowing he was right. He had a bad habit of zoning out at scenes like this, but he did try his best to stay focused.

"You're one of my best men, Gaz. I need ta know you can handle this mission without havin' another episode." "Of course, I can. I've seen worse." His brows furrow, almost taking offensive. He wouldn't dare back out, but he couldn't tell him the real reason why.

"You've seen better and felt worse." Price counters, putting his hands in his pockets. "I know it looks...awful. But if you can't fulfill the job, I can find someone else to fill in for ya." He snorts, backing up as they passed them with your now covered corpse.

Gaz closes his eyes, his skull tingling at the sight of you hidden beneath the thin white sheet, blood seeping through around your head. Seeing you, what was left of your face, shielded by the blanket sent a certain urge through Gaz. Not a sexual urge or a violent urge. It didn't even feel like a human desire. It was something beyond that. A guilty urge. A soul-haggling requirement to make things right.

He felt numb yet prickly all over, weak in the stomach and full of adrenaline. Then suddenly, it was gone. The second they lifted you into the ambulance, the feeling was snatched away from him. Gaz breathes heavily.

"...I-...I can't drop this mission, Captain... It's meant for me." He expresses, watching the ambulance pull off. He couldn't help but want to follow it, even knowing exactly where the thing was headed. "Whateva ya say, Gaz."

12:03am

Gaz can't seem to get himself to sleep, even knowing how snarky he can get if he doesnt get enough rest. He sits elbows out against his computer desk, constantly rewatching the final video you recorded. He knows it's not healthy, but something about your face drew him in, like a sailor to a siren's song.

There was something about the look on your face as you rambled on and on about God knows what, a melancholy smile making it's way onto his face as he watched you prolong your death. For someone talking to themselves, you were a great conversationalist, ignoring all the stuttering and trailed off sentences.

Can't really expect a girl to be calm and collected while she's trying to kill herself, can you?

To Gaz, it didn't really seem like you wanted to die. It seemed like you needed someone to talk to. He felt bad. Guilty. Something was telling him that if he'd gotten to you sooner, he could've talked you out of it. But even with the guilt, he couldn't move past how absolutely gorgeous you were to him. Just...raw, natural, frantic. No facade.

Gaz had a thing for crazy unpredictable women. His whole life, he's been a calm, level-headed guy and he was raised to remain chill in even the most devastating situations, and to help others in need.

So, seeing girls who were always on the verge of a break down, just a second away from chaos, it made him feel...leveled. he felt like he could help them. He wanted to help them. Badly.

He had an awful "I can fix her" mentality, and anytime he finds himself in a situation that he knows he can solve somehow, he feels bad when he doesn't. And he knows he could've helped you. He just...didn't. There was something much he could've done for you.

Bang! He shudders, watching you commit the final act. He was on his third time watching this video and he jumped every. fucking. time. He just could NOT prepare himself to see you die.

He closes his laptop, leaning down into his hands and rubbing his face. "Damn..." he cursed, sighing. "...why'd you do that?..." he asks in a whisper, almost angry that you didn't get the help you needed.

"... I'm sorry..."

His head lifts immediately, heart instantly palpitating. "Breathe, Kyle, Breathe" He tells himself, resetting his breathing patterns slowly but surely. He turns around to see a girl sitting at the edge of his bed. Not just any girl. You.

Your head was in...better condition. It was still put together of not for the smoke coming from the cracks around your eye, resembling the areas that had blown off.

"Oh, ☆☆☆." He turns out of his chair, pulling you close into his arms. "It's okay, baby, its alright." He cradles you against his chest. "It's okay, ☆☆☆...damn, you shoulda called me, girl....you shoulda called me..." He sniffles, clinging onto you like a little girl holding her broken porcelain doll.

"I forgot your number..."

Your voice was blank, monotone, with only a hint of emotion; shame. "I know, honey, I know...that's my fault. I shoulda kept in contact with you...uh, how much do you remember? Do you know who you are? Who I am?"

"..Kyle.."

"That's...that's right. Kyle. That's good. You're not far gone. What am I to you, ☆☆☆? What's our relationship?" He tries gage how much you remember after death. It would determine if you could still stay with him.

"My boyfriend..."

He sighs. You must not remember the breakup. He didn't want you to either. It made him feel awful. Gaz felt he shouldn't have left you during your worse. He knew you were going through so much and he just abandoned you. "Yeah, that's right, angel..."

Oh, his poor baby didn't even know... just dead and clueless. But he'd much wrather you not remember the breakup, knowing damn well that's probably what triggered your suicide in the first place. He wouldn't dare remind you that he was the cause.

You can support me by liking, commenting, reblogging, and/or cashapping me @fundsbrownie. Donations are optional, but much appreciated. Have fun! And remember, take care of yourself.

Banner credits go to @ghoulbloggerrr!

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the-heart-of-a-monster · 10 months ago

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PUTTING THE NEW PAGE INTO THIS ASK AS WELL FOR GHE FIRST TIME BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT TO TALK ABOUT WITH THIS PAGE SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME HERE

Ima start with the first panel because there’s already so much in that one single panel and it is gonna drive me nuts!

So first up, we have “Secret” Chaotix meeting room. Yes, this place is apparently being kept a secret from the public eye. This could be due to the Chaotix having to handle a bunch of super deep and disturbing cases that, if allowed to spill out into the public, would be catastrophic! Not in the sense that it would destroy the world or anything like that, but it’d certainly ruin their reputation as detectives! Don’t detectives irl have these kinds of cases too…? Or maybe I’m thinking too hard on this and it’s just the place they meet with their friends whenever Eggman does something stupid? Who knows.

I do know though that it looks beautiful and it looks like they’re actually in a room which, as an amateur artist myself, can only dream of achieving!! It looks so cool! I just… I adore your backgrounds and I can tell you put a lot of love and effort into making them, so please give yourself a pat on the back!

And maybe I’m reading too much into a single panel.

But that’s not all that we get to see!!! (No I’m not talking about the Chaotix even though I REALLY wanna talk about the Chaotix cuz they deserve more love and I’m so glad they’re here THANK YOUUUUUUUU) YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, SONIC IS FULLY CONVERTED TO DARK GAIA SONIC LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Well not fully converted, but we can clearly see that it’s taking a huge toll on his body! Not only are the markings now visible on him during the day, but it also seems to be siphoning his energy…? Kind of…? I mean, Sonic has been out cold since “Killing” Omega, and usually he wouldn’t be so out of it otherwise. And I can see a little tiny X over his Gaia eye, so… I’m not too sure, but what I am sure of is that this is BAD for Sonic. The poor guy is gonna have to deal with not only being corrupted during the day, but also at night, and that cannot be good for his psyche. It was bad enough when he had to be in a completely new body for just the nighttime, but now it’s for both day and night in its own way, and… Gosh, this is gonna be torture for Sonic once he wakes up.

Okay now onto the actually lore panels because there is so much to uncover but BEFORE WE GET INTO THE LORE PARTS OF ALL THAT LEMME JUST POINT OUT HOW PISSED SHADOW LOOKS IN THE SECOND PANEL BRO LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO PUNT CHIP INTO THE SUN FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER AND HE IS JUST SO OVERPROTECTIVE OF SONIC IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY I LOVE THIS ANGSTY EDGY BOY SO MUCH BUT I WANNA KNOW WHAT IS GOING THROUGH HIS HEAD RIGHT NOW WHY IS HE GLARING DAGGERS AT CHIP WHAT DID THIS LITTLE CREECHUR EVEN DO TO YOU SHADZ

Okay back to the lore-

So, im still gonna call Light Gaia as Chip because I still see a cute adorable fluffy fairy in those big brown eyes and I think he deserves a real name. Anyhow, Chip now is aware of him being a literal god. He says he regulates the day and Dark Gaia regulates the night. This kind of makes sense. Chip handles the sun and DG handles the moon. Think Luna and Celestia from MLP. And similar to those two as well, Dark Gaia got out of control like Luna did and created an eternal night. But this doesn’t really explain the planet splitting into a million giant pieces. (Not literally a million) Nor does it explain Chip losing his memory. Chip claims that whenever one of them falls out of line, the other will be there to pull them back together. Does this mean Chip or Dark Gaia have lost their memory before? Have the events of Unleashed happened before? How do they reign the other in?

These questions are probably gonna get answered in the next page lmao what am I doing-

Everything else is kinda sorta spelled out to us which I think is a good thing, since Chip is, in the story, explaining all of this to a group of people who had no idea about any of this for their entire lives. The poor Chaotix just got roped into this, they just want their pay. So with that in mind I don’t know what else to really cover…? Maybe I’ll notice something later on and just start spamming you with questions, who knows. For now I’m SUPER DUPER EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PAGE LET’S GO THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK

hell yeah do look out for the new page on monday :3 i love ur little big analysis its always the highlight of my week to see one

btw this goes out to evecryone but the whole scene has a lot of moments for everyone else than sonic and shadow so we are winning

#fan lore #clover-the-awesomest #long post #text heavy #fan theories

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selenecrown · 8 months ago

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I just watched the Spider Within and honestly, I think it is great. While it may not mean anything in the grand sceme of the Spiderverse series-I personally think it is a great addition full of good panic attack representation especially in the Black community, and In-Universe implications.

While I cannot speak much on the part of speaking about panic attacks to others representation, as while I have had panic attacks in the past, I am white and have had a much different experience then those of color, who have a distrust of the medical system in my country and deal with different stigmas and my panic attacks went in a different direction then Miles where he is seeking help whereas I almost. . . Game Overed myself before I got the help I needed-I think The Spider Within's verson of a panic attack is still a good interpretation of a panic attack. While it does not show physically what it is-it creates a wonderful metaphor for it.

Anxiety is like a spider on you-you may not even notice it at first, it's small and insignificant. But overtime, it gets worse and worse, until eventually, the spiders become too much to handle and attack you all at once if they are not swatted away. It also feels like the more spiders you notice, the worse it gets. And when anxiety strikes-it feels like many spiders attacking all at once and makes you feel unsafe even in your own skin.

So, in that regard, I love the use of Spider Horror as I think it serves as a wonderful metaphor I can use to explain it to someone who doesn't have anxiety.

Another thing I love, is unironically, the implications of the short-as a comic book fan (or at least to my experience) it's never really been addressed the struggles between your superhero identity and your true identity and what that entails for a person.

We have to remember Miles is 13 in Into the Spiderverse and 15 years old in Across the Spiderverse.

Let me say that again.

Miles Morales is 13 and 15 years old at the time of the movies he stars in.

He is still a teenager and he is balancing his identity as Spiderman and Miles Morales.

Most of the superheros we see are adults. Fully. Grown. Adults. who HAVE the skills to cope with their double lifes and often times have a support system of superheros and those who understand around them to help and guide them through whatever they are dealing with. This is especially clear in the Marvel Cinematic Universe where is it very clear most superheros have help.

No superhero is ever truly alone in the MCU.

Miles is not that case and this has been emphasized by many Spiderman characters-they feel truly alone and they have to do things by themselves. Miles doesn't have the help like other Marvel characters do. He is the only Spiderman in his own universe, and possibly the only superhero in his universe. To quote Peter Parker in the first movie, "The only thing standing between this city and destruction, is me."

It is just Miles Morales against whatever threat there is, and he has the deal with the consequences after. And as he saw in The Spider Within, this is taking a huge toll on Miles, enough for him to have a panic attack.

This shows, like the movies keep saying over and over, being Spiderman, and by extension a superhero-is NOT something to be taken lightly. It takes a lot from a person to be a superhero, which also has not fully been addressed in comic books or comic book movies. It is not just a simple you get superpowers, side with the good people and BOOM! You are superhero no questions asked. It is a commitment to a cause, a curse and blessing and honestly I LOVE that.

I also love what this implies during the first movie-Peter Parker of Mile's universe most likely have gone through the same thing, which makes his line of "You're like me." That much more impactful and devastating to me.

The hope in Peter's voice-when Peter Parker and Miles Morales first met, through the Spidy Sense they knew they where one in the same. And this gave Peter Parker hope because in that moment, he was not the only one who had to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. And to add insult to injury, it is HIGHLY implied Peter Parker was NOT a part of the Spider Society as seen in Across the Spiderverse. Peter didn't have that help so he truly felt he had to do everything by himself. Peter Parker felt he was alone until Miles came into the picture, which got his hopes up and I imagine really comforted Peter even in death that things would be okay, despite him saying otherwise.

Being a superhero takes a toll on people. And I think The Spider Within addresses that wonderfully.

#the spider within #into the spider verse #across the spiderverse #marvel #marvel comics #marvel cinematic universe #miles morales #peter parker #personal shit

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nestastits · 2 months ago

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I feel like we should divide Nesta stans into two, you are either a Pro-Nesta Nesta stan, or an Anti-IC Nesta stan. There is no in between.

When I first got into this fandom I was starting to like Nesta, and loved her healing/redemption/growth, even if I thought the events in the books were kinda wonky and the book wasn't really for me.

Then I got here and was like SHESH No thank you... Those Anti-IC Nesta stans are so scary and bloodthirsty... God forbid you like someone else too...

Hating Rhys/Cassian and Feyre/Elain more than they like Nesta and call themselves "Pro Nesta"

I completely agree!

People are allowed to hate a character, they’re allowed to love a character and still be critical of them, it’s the way they handle those thoughts though. I’ve seen many completely disregard Nesta’s own thought process to hate on characters 😭.

I don’t get why people tell me I’m crazy or that I’m fandom policing when I say stuff about the way certain pro Nesta’s act, everyone is allowed to do what they want in the fandom but please at least know your fav character before you try to analyze them and make up a narrative to fit which characters you do and don’t like lols. Lately, it’s gotten so bad to the point antis know Nesta better than the people who claim they love her. Nesta is not some victim of the ic nor does she hate them… Nesta is also not some party girl or this rude bitch so many of her stans fit her into being 😭.

And yes I will say the Nesta stans who hate the ic can be very hard to interact with. Also, I’ve seen them complain all the time how people hate Nesta and comment under pro vids or posts of her about how they hate her… but then they do the same fucking thing on a pro ic/rhys post😐. Like you can’t complain about the other side doing it when YOU yourself do it. I think the whole anti culture has also took a toll on some of them and has made them act truly awful to others… cause being anti literally everything and just constantly spewing this hatred is not healthy at all for anyone involved.

And being anti acosf but pro Nesta cannot coexist, I’m sorry haha. But acosf is Nesta’s book, it’s her character arc that made many start loving her. You don’t have to like some of the things that happened in it but to say Nesta would’ve been better off w/o the events of acosf just shows that perhaps you don’t really understand nes that well. And also, telling people that they don’t understand real world concerns/struggles if they like a certain fictional character/couple is fucking insane… and yes I did see one of them do this and proceed to tag it incorrectly to ensure that the pro side saw.

I love Nesta with my whole heart but I also love the other characters, so it’s been very hard for me to make friends unfortunately. I think people need to take a breather and remember the books are meant to be enjoyed and so are the characters. Anyways, if you see me answer this pls dm me I’d love to be friends with you haha.

sidenote: people who criticize sjm’s work while they themselves are not authors are fucking weird and need to stfu sometimes. But also being an author AND still criticizing a fellow author for their writing style (a bestselling author too) is mean girl behavior lmao. At the end of the day, sjm is a good writer and creates wonderful stories for us to enjoy.

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apocalypsewriters · 1 year ago

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Not My Magical Destiny part 2

Intro <<previous (part 1) next (part 3)>>

Gabe brings the fight and some friends to the bakery. How is Kodi coping with these new revelations? Spoiler: not well

After the breakfast rush, I was pulling buns out of the oven when I heard Gabriel calling my name from the shop. Frantically depositing the finished bread on a parchment-lined tray, I rushed to the front.

“Kodi, Kodi!” Gabe panted, rushing into my waiting arms. “I need to hide.” His hair was singed and strange yellow stains somehow showed up on his studded leather jacket. I remembered getting it for him, the beginning of his all-black wardrobe.

“Anything! Anything. Duck behind the counter.” I shoved him out of sight. Moving to stand at the cash register, I spoke out of the corner of my mouth, trying to be subtle, but not doing well. “Are you allowed to tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m being chased.”

“No,” I snarked, “really?”

He bumped his forehead against my leg. “Idle, Envy, and I were facing off against some goons, but reinforcements showed up. Envy told me to run – I couldn’t handle the fight and it would be easier to retreat in stages.”

“Envy?” I prodded. Explaining things always calmed Gabe down whether they were on topic or not.

Picking at the fraying edges of my overalls, he began, “Envy’s my mentor. She’s really sweet once she gets to know you, but is a little uptight. She’s been doing this gig for ages and it’s been taking a toll on her. Me showing up is going to do a lot of good, but for now its pretty rough. She didn’t sign up to take on a protege. She’d gut me if she heard me talking about us like that.” He chuckled weakly.

Gaze narrowed on the street, I ruffled his hair. “I think it’s safe to come out,” I said. Gabe started to stand. “I don’t see anyone coming-”

The door burst open, the bell rang across the room and hit the wall by my head with a clang. Gabe paled, springing into action. His fists glowed purple as his hair swayed in an invisible breeze. Pale, burning gold eldritch silhouettes blew into the bakery. The tables that weren’t thrown against the wall started charring in their presence. Something black and green streaked in behind them. She was difficult to look at, somehow old and young at once, with eyes that had seen millennia. She looked more beaten up than Gabe, black oozing out of a cut on her cheek.

“Envy!” called Gabe. He strode forward, purple light wavering in formless blades in his hands. “Get Kodi to safety. I run interference better than you.”

Envy raised an eyebrow.

“Please.”

When she spoke, her voice was raspy, with smoke or by nature, I wasn’t sure. “You sure, kid?”

“I’ll be fine,” said Gabe. He shook a fist as the purple flickered in and out of existence. “Idle is on her way, right?”

“You worry too much, Pride,” grumbled Envy. She strode over to me, greasy black hair swinging. A chunk of hair was missing by her ear, burned off. Her nails dug into my shoulder like claws. “Come on, mortal. You cannot handle conflicts of this magnitude.”

The only thing that made me go with her was the concern creasing Gabe’s face.

I stumbled with the force she threw me into the pantry. “Stay here. Don’t leave,” she said, looking at me like I was a fraction of her age and didn’t possess significant intelligence. It was the same look and tone I’d give to a toddler. It made my skin crawl; she was entitled to her unsettling view given what I had understood from Gabe last week. She cast one more glare over her shoulder, saying, “Unless you want to die.”

She seemed to be daring me to leave, seemed to want me dead. I flinched as she slammed the door behind her. I saw it coming, but it made little difference. If that’s how it was going to be, I’d be more than happy to make the feeling mutual. That was only if she wasn’t doing so much to help Gabe and if she didn’t mean so much to him. I had never been good at holding grudges like Gabe did.

A crash rattled my bones from where I sat on a bag of flour. I hoped the bakery could be rebuilt. It meant a lot to me since I started working here over two years ago. There was a flash of white and the sound of something shattering. My pastries had better survive – I had spent too much time on them for them to be covered in shards of glass or incinerated by magic. It seemed trivial to be concerned about desserts, but it was the only thing I could think of without going insane. I recognized Gabe’s cry of pain and resisted the urge to rush to his aid. Metal shrieked and I clapped my hands over my ears; this was going to be challenging to fix. I knew it wasn’t something to worry about, that the world was on the line, but I was trapped in a room listening to destruction I couldn’t see on a scale I couldn’t understand. A wave of blue lapped underneath the door and I instinctively picked up my feet, but the light felt like nothing when I returned them to the floor, even as it curled around my ankles. Something let out a deafening muffled thump and splinters of whatever shattered pattered against the walls, knocking at the door.

Soon after, an actual knock rang out. I jumped a little, but relaxed when I heard Gabe call, “Kodi? It’s okay now.”

I opened the pantry to carnage. Chairs were in pieces, and a figure in braids held a stray leg in front of her defensively. Envy stood in the middle of the room, eyes closed and head tilted to the ceiling. She breathed deeply as her arms stopped smoking and the light died from where it gathered around her fingertips. Running my hands over Gabe, I found a burn on his shoulder and a graze exposed by a rip in his black canvas pants. Pulling him towards the storage closet where we kept a first-aid kit, I passed his leather jacket where it was discarded next to the cash register. The register had miraculously survived with only mildly melted plastic on the side facing the bakery floor. Gabe grunted as I pushed him to sit on a step stool so I could dress his wounds.

“So,” I said, ripping out a section of tape and sticking it to Gabe’s cheek for safekeeping. His head moved back with the force I applied. “I think I deserve an explanation given what happened to my bakery.”

Envy opened her mouth, the expression on her face guarded and venomous. “Mortal,” she spat as if it were an insult. “It is not in your jurisdiction to–”

“No,” said Gabe, wincing as I dripped rubbing alcohol on his angry graze, “They’re right. And they’re my friend. Kodi is entitled to know about my life, especially when I drag it into their work.”

The only other figure in the room piped up from where she was vainly trying to clear the rubble from the booths, “I think that’s fair enough, Envy.”

Envy shot daggers towards them, snipping, “If you were one of my minions, Idle, you would not speak against me like that.”

“Well, I serve Sloth, not you. Besides, Gabe is the one with the highest authority here. He gets to decide what is told,” Idle, apparently, countered.

Huffing, Envy bit back what I guessed would be a rebuke about having more experience.

Gabe ignored her look, deciding, as he so often did, that he was right in his stance. “So, last time, I told you about the big players in the world hidden from you. A while back, I haven’t been told how long, Pride disappeared. She was the authority figure on one side, so everything fell out of whack. Ouch, Kodi!” he yelped as I ripped the medical tape from his cheek to put on the dressing for his graze.

Our gazes bore into each other. I’m still mad at you, mine said.

I know, I’m sorry. This isn’t an excuse you deserve. Cutting off our silent exchange, he continued, “Then a little over two months ago, there was a concentrated attack against me by Patience and Perserverence’s goons, and some latent magic was awoken within me. Soon after, Idle showed up, followed by Envy. It turns out I’m some strange reincarnation of Pride. Envy and the others are hoping I restore balance, but it’s been slow going as the world is decaying while I have to learn how to use my powers.”

Towards the tail end of his explanation, my movements had slowed as I wrapped his shoulder up. There was a ringing in my ears as panic clawed up my throat. I tilted my head back to rest against the closet door and closed my eyes. The first-aid kit was an elephant in my lap and against my chest even as it barely reached my knees. My hands dropped from Gabriel’s shoulder. The collar of my purple flannel choked me and my overalls dug into my shoulders and legs.

There wasn’t a single mark on me.

I breathed deeply like my dad taught me, slowly tuning back into the conversation.

Still sounding like she was underwater, I heard Envy saying, “Look… done… listened… me. – never learn.”

I blinked away the tears that had been gathering in the corners of my eyes before the others could see them. Gabe’s face was etched in concern and he lifted his uninjured arm to cup my cheek. “Kodi,” he said, “I think you fainted.”

The world had only just stopped spinning with the implications of his earlier words, so I refrained from shaking my head. “I just need a minute.” I hadn’t fainted and it hurt to see my oldest friend underestimating me. How much had this world changed him?

“I told you not to tell them,” hissed Envy.

With effort, I pulled my vision back into focus. “You’re being safe,” I asked weakly, “right, Gabe?”

He avoided my gaze. “Yes.”

I jabbed his side, right where he was ticklish.

“As safe as I can be,” he corrected. “I’m not letting anyone ruin my world or hurt my friends.”

“Okay, okay,” I breathed. There was something still burning in the bakery. If luck was on my side, it wouldn’t be anything in the kitchen. It hurt to look around the wreckage, but I fixed Idle and Envy with a glare. “Does any of your preserving the world involve fixing the mess you made?”

“We’ll do our best!” chirped Idle, picking up where she left off earlier.

Envy sighed, “For someone who means too much to Pride, I suppose. We did bring the fight to you.”

“Thank you,” I said, standing on unsteady legs. “I’ll be in the back if you need me. I don’t think there’s much I can do out here.”

Gabe fell short of grabbing my hand. He stood too and turned away to start on the mess. I let the door swing shut behind me as I tried to let the comfort of the ovens wash over me. My hands still shook.

<<previous (part 1) next (part 3)>>

#writeblr #writing #my writing #short story #nmmd #not my magical destiny #how are we doing? :))#hopefully better than kodi

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cozycottagetarot · 1 year ago

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Hi!

This is my feedback for the reading:

First of all, thanks a lot! The format of the reading is somehow new to me and I find it really organized. It resonates with me. It's my first time to encounter taking stocks and I had to click 'thinking errors' to see what they are. Thank you for the link, I appreciate it a lot 😊Thank you for the tips on how I can be productive in job searching. I'd really consider looking for a search avenue since I've been using LinkedIn and Facebook only. I recently found out that there's this ATS that helps companies in hiring process and what I understood from that is that applicants should consider making their resume ATS friendly. I find resume really daunting but I think it's necessary to edit it.

And also those tips on how to handle my emotions. I've been having a hard time handling myself now that I'm staying at home and being unemployed, I cannot emphasize how job searching is taking a toll on my health so I really appreciate the tips on how to handle these emotions. There was a refreshing rush the moment I read them. It feels nice to read "Just because someone says this is how xyz works doesn’t mean it’s completely true or that it’s true for you" since I've been telling myself I should probably consider what other people are doing and something inside me is really protesting. That I should stop going with the flow just to prove to others and myself as well that I am actually trying.

I'm really grateful for the effort, time, and kindness that you've given me. I hope you'll have good days ahead. Or when things get too rough, I hope you can pass through it :))) have a good day/night 🌇🌉

Thank you so much and your welcome! I wish you well with your job search. 🍀✨

#feedback #reading feedback

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ghostofpolaris · 2 years ago

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Hey friends!

Just a quick update on some personal matters but as of 04/16/2023 I will not be accepting new RPs. For RPs that are already established with that are not new, please know I will be happy to keep those, but to my new RP partners I apologize for dropping our RPs but right now I cannot bring myself to start anything new.

A lot has happened over this last year so far and it just feels like it hasn't ended. My own personal health has declined and my family also is going through health problems that scare me. From my brother passing away 6 months ago to my mom now having a heart condition that may or may not only give her 1-4 years to live, I literally feel petrified and honestly panicked at how to proceed with anything.

I apologize for inconveniencing anyone and hope you can understand the toll that has been taken on my overall being. I really wished I could give everyone the proper attention, support and creativity you all deserve.

This also means I may not be entirely present when online. Reblogging things sure, but truly chatting with people probably will be a no go here. This also means I may not do anything for Samhain this year (which I know it is super early to say these kinds of things) because I do want to focus on my family most of all. I also probably am doing to delete the last buts of social media I do have except Tumblr. I just cannot handle the media on everything I see.

I hope you all have a fantastic day and take care.

#personal updates #personal #venting #medical issues

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ashhlysarts-blog · 2 years ago

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Blog #05

Monday, 10 April 2023 | Tableau Vivant & Mise-en-scène

When I first heard about Tableau Vivant – living painting –, I thought it was about the saying “life imitating art”, and I wasn’t exactly wrong about that assumption, yet not completely right either. Tableau Vivant is the performance made by a group or a person representing a scene with proper props and costumes. Representation in this case means to act in the scene replicated, and to stand in for the chosen figures in the scene. But we cannot speak about Tableau Vivant without touching on what mise-en-scène is. It is ultimately a theatrical setting and the arrangement of the background, the required props, etc. to make a film’s scene work as intended.

Understanding these definitions were needed for me this week, as our project required the understanding of them, and knowing how to use them to my advantage. We were tasked to first find a variety of paintings to choose one from, and Paul Cézanne’s “The Card Players” came on top. At first, I was quite enthusiastic about the project – as I’m told I am in the beginning of the projects – but keeping that enthusiasm throughout the project proved to be incredibly hard.

During the first two days of the project, we did a lot of walking around looking for the appropriate props to set the scene such as; the curtain in the background, the pipes, the picture frame, and the costumes… After that excruciating period of trying to gather everything needed, we also talked to a few friends to help us out as the figures in the painting. After everything was set, we tried to match the actual lighting with the painting’s light tones – although we couldn’t really match in the end – but it was quite hard to have a result close to the tones of the painting. To be honest, the whole process day was really overwhelming for me, and it quickly became a nightmare in seconds even though we had the help of kind individuals. Hearing my name coming from all directions and trying to attend to people’s needs, and on top of that, the arguments with our friends took a toll on me, and I did lash out without meaning to. Still, the exhaustion I felt through the last day felt worth it as we submitted our second draft, which, fortunately took a lot less time from our day, and we were able to quickly wrap up.

All in all, the whole week felt a little hectic and more than a lot stressful in my opinion. Trying to handle the work with only two people and a group that doesn’t like to cooperate was a lesson learnt from my side. If we do this one more time, I’ll definitely get the help of different people, and won’t waste a lot of time trying to get all the details right – as it was impossible –. Still, even with the painful project, I did manage to have fun as we tried putting things together and create something we can be truly proud of.

Image 1: The Card Players

Image 2-4: Behind the scenes

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summercourtship · 3 years ago

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Hi, could you write a nsfw oneshot or something for the Cenobite with a shy and modest fem survivor reader? Possibly include some fingering and using his hands. Thanks if you do!

I'm sorry this took so long, I obviously got a bit carried away. I have such a bad habit of needing SO MUCH exposition even for tiny one shots (or at least what are supposed to be tiny) but I’m not going to stop. I’m also not sure how well I fulfilled the idea of a “shy, modest” reader, but I think I managed to have elements of it without it becoming a stereotypical mess of stuttering and blushing.

summons [nsfw, 18+]

Pinhead (The Cenobite) x Reader | warnings: NSFW, reader could be interpreted as being a virgin but it’s not explicitly stated, I somehow made the Lament Configuration solving erotic (it’s what Clive Barker would want) | 3121 words

It was always unnerving to realize that a killer remembered you. To notice that shift in their expression as they placed your face to a memory, to an action that had made you stick out in their mind. Some killers seemed to remember everyone while others only recognized a select few. Some didn’t seem cognizant of doing either.

Luckily, you had always managed to fly under their radar. Even the killers that had memorized every survivor regarded you with an air of disinterest, preferring to go after the overtly obnoxious survivors (which was probably part of those survivors’ plans- Nea really hated fixing gens). Some could say that it was because you were boring, at least in the way of prey. You didn’t necessarily agree, but if killers thinking you were boring kept you alive you wouldn’t argue about it.

However.

There was one killer who seemed… overly interested in you because of this. Somehow your reserved nature was more intriguing to him than that of the unafraid or blatantly uncaring survivors. You didn’t understand it, but you also didn’t want to.

You didn’t want anything to do with it.

The Cenobite was an oddity among oddities- barely even touching the survivors and treating your suffering with a cold grace. In the few moments you’d been able to observe him, he seemed unaffected by anything, continuing his hunt seemingly without a care in the world.

When you were one of his designated playthings for a trial, you avoided the Box, even if it meant your continued survival. You couldn’t handle the thought of possibly summoning him, bringing the being you knew was somehow fascinated with you directly to your location.

You just did your damnedest to finish repairing gens and move on to the next trial with the usual indifferent killers, taking extra care to stealth when you knew he was coming. Because if he caught sight of you, he wouldn’t stop pursuing you throughout the trial, preferring to torment you than spread the pressure amongst your teammates.

But, despite your efforts, not every trial with him could work out this way, as was the case for the trial you found yourself in now. You had been just barely surviving through your stealth tactics when it seemed that the survivors were rapidly downed, one quickly falling after the other.

You rushed to pull them off hooks or patch them up enough to stand, only briefly hesitating when you felt your own safety was in danger. You pushed it aside, putting your team’s survival over your own sense of sanity. They would eventually pay you back in kind, and the cycle would continue.

But it seemed that luck was not on your side.

One, two, three survivors were all hooked for the last time, their cut off screams piercing the night air.

And suddenly, you were the only one left.

Somewhere, both too close and impossibly far away, a bell tolls.

You’re frozen in place, too on edge to even contemplate searching for the Hatch. You’d been in similar situations before, but this time felt different- it was as if the air was electrified from your nervous anticipation.

And never before had you been left alone with him.

Before long, the consequence of your hesitation becomes clear- the chains that he summons from nothing have started seeking you out, the few that reach you embedding their hooks in your skin. You hiss, jerking back into life and unhooking yourself, trying to be as careful as possible to not rip your skin off.

It would not be the worst pain you have felt in this place.

You set off, struggling through the terrain of the Macmillan Estate until you reach one of the smattering of brick walls that litter the Entity’s realms. Here, at least you would have some protection from the chains, giving you time to figure out what you were going to do next.

Find Hatch or wait by the Exit Gate, hoping he closes the Hatch with enough time for you to slip out? You’re debating the two options in your head, knowing full well it’s not the best use of your time but feeling unable to make a decision and get your feet moving.

You’d just mentally circled back around to the option of booking it for Hatch that you realize you were being observed. And he wasn’t even hiding like some of the others would, no crouching behind the brick or staying by the tree line. He’s simply standing there, as if waiting for you to realize he was there.

You look up at him, wondering how you hadn’t noticed his presence before. He blocks the only other exit from your shelter that isn’t a window, something you note with a growing sense of dread. No prey likes feeling cornered.

But he hasn’t moved to attack, just standing and staring at you. You take a moment to observe him back, noting the impassive expression on his face. He doesn’t move, even once you’d been made aware of him. You narrow your eyes and glare at him, ignoring the thwacking of the chains hitting the ground and walls behind you, already tired of whatever game he is playing, not in the mood to be toyed with.

“What do you want?” You ask, willing your voice to stop wavering. For once, you wanted to seem like the brave, outgoing survivor, willing to stand up to the killer for nothing more than the satisfaction of having done so.

A beat of silence, and you almost think he won’t answer. But he does, and his response is more confusing than clarifying.

“You.”

“I- I don’t understand.”

More silence.

Then, a crackling draws your attention downwards, to the small, unassuming box that lay on the ground in the space between you. The very box you had done your best to avoid touching, even looking at. You wonder, briefly, if it had been there the entire time.

“Solve it.” His voice is commanding yet gentle, coaxing yet sinister. There’s power behind it, a power that isn’t being utilized at the moment.

“No.” It’s an easy answer for you. There are few things you are sure of in the Fog, but not touching anything that belongs to a killer is one of them.

“Aren’t you curious?”

That was not what you had been expecting him to say. Suddenly, you were no longer sure about the subject of your conversation. The Box still lay between you, ready for your willing hands to run along its smooth surface, finding the small grooves that would lead you to further unlocking its mystery. But while you had been focusing on the Box, his eyes had never left you.

Because he knew that ultimately, yes. You were curious, and always had been. About everything, but you’d always been too shy, too afraid of other’s thoughts about you to try anything even mildly risky. Better to stay on the safe side and hear about other’s exploits instead of experiencing your own.

“Yes.” It comes out as a whisper.

“Then…” With a long fingered hand, he gestures to the Box.

Your hands shook as you reached down to pick it up, finding its smooth surface both warm and cool at the same time, its weight heavier than you had anticipated.

You looked back up at the Cenobite, ignoring the faint tinkling of a music box’s tune that you could now hear coming from the Box.

“What do I do?”

You were sure it couldn’t be but so difficult- less intelligent survivors had completed its puzzle under significantly more stressing circumstances than you. But you couldn’t bring your mind to command your hands to begin, some invisible wire holding your muscles back from taking action.

Maybe it was because he was standing in front of you, watching you intently.

He moved closer and you barely resisted the urge to move backwards, your grip on the Box tightening as if afraid he would take it from you. He stopped just before you and reached out, not to take the Box but to guide your hands. But instead of placing his hands over yours as you had anticipated, they hovered barely a centimeter above your skin.

“There is a force in this realm that makes solving the Lament Configuration child’s play.”

You look up at him, wondering if he had just delivered a thinly veiled insult. If he, in saying that solving it should be easy, was implying that you were too unintelligent to figure it out. You open your mouth to begin defending yourself.

“I-“

“You’ve refused it,” He continues as if you’d never started speaking, “even when it is to your detriment. But the Configuration is meant for those who seek to heighten their senses, for sensations that the earthly world cannot provide. Opening it is not supposed to be easy.”

You look down at your hands, at his.

“For those who summon us must be sure that it is what they want, for once we are summoned we cannot leave without a charge. It cannot be helped.”

He places his hands over yours now, guiding them along the edges of the Box (the Configuration, you correct yourself). Your hands are seemingly electrified from where his skin meets yours, though a sizable portion of his hand is covered in leather.

“Here it seems that, although alone, I work under different rules. The Box was made simpler and perverted into a means to assist in feeding this Entity.”

With his guidance, you are able to find the minuscule lines in the surface of the box, pushing and shifting the pieces until they form a completely new shape. But before you are able to push the final piece into place, thus completing the puzzle, he releases his hands and steps back.

“There is no need to finish it.”

You blink, feeling like you’d just woken from a hazy waking dream.

“But why did I do it in the first place?”

“I won’t have to hunt you down the next time we find ourselves facing each other. It is very tiresome when you hide from me constantly.”

He turns around like he’s about to go, either to finally kill you or let you scamper off to find the Hatch, but you aren’t ready for him to leave yet.

“Is that it?” You blurt out and almost take it back when he turns his head, indicating that you have his attention once more. But you swallow your fear and continue on, holding your chin higher. “You just wanted me to solve this box? To what? Prove to myself that I can, so that you don’t have to do as much work the next time you’re going to kill me?”

He whirls around, but there is barely any change in his expression from before. He was near impossible to read, you were quickly learning.

“I don’t get it- if you’re summoned for those who want pleasure or pain or whatever, why are you so interested in me? I don’t want any of that.”

“You don’t want pleasure?”

Your face heats up, any bravery you had felt in delivering your speech gone. You look down at your hands, still holding the almost solved Lament Configuration.

“The rules of this place may be different, but I am still obliged to answer the summons.” His words, at first, make no sense.

And then you realize what he is implying, and your face must be on fire for how hot it feels. If he was summoned for those who want whatever version of pleasure or pain he provided, then you solving the Configuration meant that he could…

Ohhhkay.

You turn from him, fully intending to put the box down and sprint for the Hatch and think about this encounter later at the campfire, but the quiet, nagging voice in the back of your head stops you.

Aren’t you curious?

Before you can rationalize and deny the urge, you act on impulse for once and press the final piece into place on the Box, the tinkling music stopping abruptly.

While you’ve had your back turned, he must’ve crept up closer on you, because you suddenly feel his hand on your shoulder.

You gasp, both from surprise and the sensation of his touch once again on you. He slowly ran his hand down your body, from your shoulder down your arm, before making its way to your front. Your breathing was picking up, hitching in the back of your throat when his other hand snuck around and plucked the box from your grasp. It’s gone when you turn your head to look at it, and you’re too focused on his touch to really ponder what happened to it.

You reach out and press your own hand against the brick wall in front of you, using the rough texture to ground yourself in reality, as much as you could in the hellish purgatory that you were trapped in. But the reality of this moment was that he was touching you in such a simple way, barely vulgar at all, but you felt as if you were being lit on fire with the way his touch seared your skin, even over the layers of your clothes.

His fingers dance over the hem of your pants, toying with the button. You’d always liked that the Entity put you in pants most of the time, their practicality better for your environment than the potential fashion statements you could’ve been making in something else. But now you wish that the Entity had decided to put you in one of the nonsensical outfits the others occasionally donned, if just for the easy access a skirt provides.

Nonetheless, he deftly undid the button and continued his journey down your body, not bothering to even pull your pants down. He completely ignored your underwear, apparently not in the mood to tease you over the fabric. You weren’t complaining, wanting whatever he was going to give you as quickly as possible.

It was now that you fully realized how cold his hands were, which only made you more aware of every centimeter of your skin that he ran his fingers along. Down over your stomach, a feather light touch that was approaching where you needed it the most.

The Cenobite found his way in between your legs with little fanfare, finally exploring the part of your body that, unbeknownst to you, he had thought of whenever he saw you in a trial. He toyed briefly with just running his touch up and down your slit, causing you to shudder and drop your head. But before long, he ended up at that sensitive bundle of nerves, flicking it just to hear you moan. His finger circled around your clit, applying just enough pressure for it to register in your mind but not enough to really scratch the itch that had been building since he’d placed his hands over yours to solve the box.

He was silent behind you, but you didn’t think he wasn’t actively enjoying what he was doing to you, if the way his teasing touches would briefly speed up when you let the little sounds building up behind your lips escape was any indication. Or the way his breathing, though quiet and low, would hitch when you would whimper, groan, hiss.

He finally moved lower, teasing at your entrance. You whimper again, closing your eyes. But he didn’t do anything aside from dipping his fingers in, for barely a second, giving you just a taste of the pleasure you needed. He teased more than you would have expected, but you also wouldn’t have expected him to want to fuck you.

“Please,” your whisper is broken, your mind hazy and unable to compose a more elegant plea. You curse under your breath when he does it again, moving back up to your clit to circle it a couple more times.

“You can do better than that,” He says, and you, in your fuzzy mind, think you detect a hint of humor in his voice.

“Fuck- please.” You roll your hips, as if to entice him to finally get to it. But he holds fast, your (pathetic) attempt to seduce him into giving in to your whims failing. He pauses in his movements.

“Fine! Please, please, please, please fuck me, put your fingers in me, I don’t care just please make me cum!”

You wonder, briefly, in the back of your mind, if the Entity is watching.

Two of his fingers finally slip into you, and you barely hold back a curse, forgetting whatever inane thought you had before. All you could focus on was the fact that he was finally giving you what you wanted, that he was finally done teasing.

He thrusts his fingers in and out of your pussy, dragging them along your walls and hitting every sensitive spot that you didn’t even realize existed within you.

“For such a shy woman, you make delightful sounds,” He mutters, almost too quiet for you to hear over the heartbeat pounding in your ears. Whether it’s yours or his, you cannot tell.

Quickly, much too quickly, you feel your climax approaching, and any sense of the amount of time you’ve spent at his mercy is lost to you. All you know is that he is touching you in a way that makes you feel like no one has ever made you feel and that you want to reach your peak now.

As it builds, you release a litany of pleas, begging with broken words and fragmented sentences.

You finally finish with a sharp, drawn out and shuddering gasp, his fingers curling into the spot that makes your toes curl, sharply punctuating every ripple of pleasure that your body rides.

And then, just as quickly as it started, it is over.

Taking a moment to catch your breath, you turn to face the Cenobite, who looks as unaffected as he had before. He examines his glistening fingers not even looking at you when he tells you to find the Hatch. If you’re stung by his sudden disinterest in you, you don’t show it, opting to add it to the growing mental list of things to think about later.

On shaky legs, you comply with his demand, stealing one last glance back at him as you leave him. You had no idea if this would be a one off occurrence, or if he would regularly find his own way to answer your summons, if he would make good on his statement that he is summoned for those who wish for pleasure and pain.

The only way to find out would be to summon him.

___

ao3 link

#pinhead x reader #pinhead #the cenobite #dead by daylight #hellraiser #lemon tag #request #ask #anon #oneshot #my writing #slasher x reader #I don't consider PH a slasher but eh it's a general label for some #thank you :3 #tumblr keeps trying to correct my spelling to the british spelling and that's Not Correct

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reiedits1 · 4 years ago

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The Last Of Us Part II

I played and finished The Last Of Us Part II last week and it has been on my mind ever since. I obviously understand that a lot of people have problems with this game, and that’s okay. I’m not here to change anyone’s views on the game or anything, I just want to kind of write down my opinions and takeaways as, again, it’s been on my mind since finishing it lol. Nobody may see this and this will mean nothing, that’s fine.

Anyway, this post will contain SPOILERS

My Overall Thoughts

I’m not entirely sure how to structure this so I guess I’ll just start with a broad statement lol; I loved The Last Of Us Part II. In my opinion, it’s a beautiful and well-crafted story about loss, grief and consequences, with how each of these things affect different people.

Discussion

From what I’ve seen, I see a lot of people hating on this game for its handling of Joel and the decision to have the player play as Joel’s murderer, Abby. I’ve also seen a lot of people say that the message is as simple and plain as “viOleNcE iS bAd”, but I personally think it’s so much more than that.

The Last Of Us Part II doesn’t just tell you that violence is bad, but it shows you the ramifications of it by dealing with the emotional toll as well as the consequences on not just the main person involved, but their loved ones too.

As we all know, at the start of the game, Joel is brutally killed by Abby and we go with Ellie on a mission to avenge him by killing everybody involved. We see it all from Ellie’s point of view, hardheartedly seeing Abby as the villain as she just killed the character that we know and love as we have an emotional connection to him after the first game. His death is supposed to make you feel angered. It’s not like you’re supposed to be joyed by it. His death scene left me feeling empty and sick, wanting revenge alongside Ellie.

However, as the game goes on, we start to see the story from Abby’s point of view. We learn that the doctor that you, the player, had to murder at the end of The Last of Us is actually the father of Abby. This is brilliant. Now we see one of the main themes of the story, consequences, and I was immediately on board. Joel is not a good person, at all. He murdered hundreds of Fireflies and took away the possible cure for humanity for his own personal reasons. This is incredibly selfish, even going to the lengths of lying to Ellie about the events as he knows that it isn’t what she would want. Technically, Joel is the villain.

Joel had been through so much, so you may think it’s justified. But the point is, Joel isn’t the only person in the world of The Last of Us. Everybody he murders aren’t just mindless NPCs, they are people. People with their own problems who have gone through their own share of pain and loss, people with their own loved ones. Such as the doctor, who had Abby, whom he loved very much and Abby the same. So, understandably, she would feel incredibly angry and feel the need for revenge, just the same as Ellie and the player after Joel’s death.

There is now a cycle of revenge. Ellie goes on to kill Abby’s friends, and so Abby tries to kill Ellie and her friends. It’s not until Lev talks Abby out of it that the cycle seems to have been “broken”. Abby and Lev put it behind them, however, Ellie cannot and nor can Tommy, which means that the cycle is not broken. Ellie continues her hunt for revenge, thinking it’s still what she needs. Just as she’s about to murder Abby, she sees it’s completely useless.

Here I’m going to talk about another core theme of the story: loss. As Ellie is about to kill Abby, she realises that Joel is gone. Completely gone, and killing Abby is not going to change that. She now has Lev, and if Ellie was to kill Abby, Lev would only lose Abby, leaving him in the same situation Ellie was in at the start of the game, which in turn means Ellie is becoming what she set out to kill. It’s no use. Revenge only causes more pain and loss. This cycle is so vicious and nobody wins, and Abby realised this once she found Lev, and found that revenge is a futile thing that does not achieve anything, especially not bringing back her dead friends. She managed to break the cycle herself, and in turn, she found a life worth living, a live with Lev. However, Ellie could not manage this, choosing to still seek revenge.

Because of this, she faces the consequences. She loses all of her loved ones. She loses Dina, she loses Jesse and she loses her baby son, JJ. Tommy is the same too. Tommy couldn’t break the cycle, and he loses his wife, Maria. And guess what, Joel is still gone. All of that loss, yet Joel is still dead. It’s all been for nothing. Ellie is now completely alone, which is what she said she was scared of in the first game, all because of revenge. The way forward is not anger, rage or revenge, but acceptance and love. That’s my takeaway.

You may think this treatment of Joel and Ellie is “disrespectful”, but I disagree. In the first game, you do a lot of bad things as these characters. Yeah, you go through a lot of pain, but so has everybody else, yet they still face the unfavorable consequences. It only makes sense that Joel and Ellie would too. In my opinion, this only helps to build the world of The Last of Us and show that just because Joel and Ellie are the main characters, they aren’t invincible, and the world doesn’t revolve around them. They just happen to be two people who live in the world amongst so many others, which for me, makes it so much more realistic. This is emphasised in the incredible detail in the gameplay of each enemy having names, with other enemies interacting with eachother as you stalk them. It makes them feel so much more real and only increased my enjoyability.

From a story like this, which is so dark and gritty, I don’t expect a happy ending. You’re not supposed to like Ellie by the end of this story, as she serves as the example of why the cycle of revenge is horrible. You’re not supposed to feel satisfied by it, you’re supposed to feel empty, hurt and sad. That is literally the point.

You have to realise that The Last Of Us is a piece of artistic storytelling told and made by artists. It would have been so easy for Neil Druckmann to write a boring and two-dimensional story to appease players and make bank. But he didn’t. He chose to craft an intricate, heavy and creative direction for his material, and I hugely respect that. At the end of the day, he doesn’t owe you anything. This is his story, and these are his characters, he can do what he wants with them. If you don’t like his creative vision, then great! You don’t have to. If you don’t like something, just don’t play/watch/read it. If you loved the first game but hated the second, then just pretend it doesn’t exist and come up with your own fanfiction for these characters, it probably wouldn’t have been as good as this.

A lot of people blame “bad writing” when they don’t like something. There’s a difference between feeling bad about something than it being bad writing, you know. Just because it wasn’t what you wanted, doesn’t mean the writing is bad. By you feeling angry about Joel dying, Neil Druckmann’s writing has accomplished its objective. And I’m not trying to say that everybody who doesn’t like this game didn’t like it because their fanfiction didn’t come true. You cannot like this game solely because you don’t like the direction it took, and that’s fine. Because again, this story is a piece of artistic storytelling, and art is subjective.

This entire post is just my opinion. I personally loved this story and these characters, and it was exactly what I wanted to get out of this game. Everything about the game I just adored. I loved the plot, the writing, the characters, the gameplay, the music, the visuals, the performances - everything. And if you didn’t, then great. That’s your opinion. It just hurts me to see so many people dismissing the incredible things achieved in this game solely because of one plot point. I don’t know. As I said, I’m not trying to change your opinion or anything, I just thought I’d share mine.

I only scratched the surface of my thoughts and opinions on this game. I could talk about it for hours, which only goes to show the extent of its achievements and how incredible it really is. I doubt anybody is reading this and that’s fine, apologies if none of what I said made any sense at all lol, I’m awful at articulating my opinions aha.

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hamliet · 3 years ago

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What do you think really pushed Light ever the edge? I've seen people say that he was such a moral person that his mental health took a toll after killing his first target and I've seen others say that he was a perfectionist and couldn't handle the fact that he made a mistake. Light is an interesting character and I've always wanted to know the real reason why he snapped.

See, I don't think Light ever really "snapped." I also think considering Light in the realm of morality misses the point--because that's not how Light sees himself.

Light is a fantastic example of someone who has a god complex. I mean, all the references to Kira as a god and to L as Jesus (washing feet) are pretty unsubtle. The point is that Light wanted the world to be the way he wanted it to be. He wanted to be legislator, judge, jury, and executioner. He decided what was wrong and what was right, spared no mercy for anyone, and despite his intelligence, completely failed Critical Thinking 101: what if the problem is what created the situation? Light treated criminals like tumors, rooting them out from society, but he never treated the actual disease or made any efforts to prevent people from getting the illness.

He also fundamentally misunderstood humanity. He saw people as being controlled by fear, probably because fear was the one thing controlling him. But people aren't controlled by fear. They are also driven by love, which Light never understood, and by a primal desire to live, which Light only understood at the moment of his death.

Light's problem is that he wanted the world to be his. He wanted to rule it, and everything else--even basic morality like 'don't kill people trying to protect others'--could be erased if it was all for the Greater Good of protecting the God of This World, Light. He was arrogant and struggled from hubris, the fatal flaw that brought down ye olde neoclassical tragic heroes and also is the flaw the Bible cites as the downfall of mankind in the Garden of Eden story: shall I be like God?

Light's refusal to consider himself as a human being is what led to his demise, and he only realized his humanity as he was dying. Key tragedy, right there. The irony is also that L, despite being weird and kind of an outcast and having intelligence that would set him apart from people, maintains his humanity--which is why he's given Christological imagery (the idea that God became a man=Jesus). But being human also means you can't know everything, and that love can in some ways weaken you as much as it strengthens you. L did like Light as a friend, and despite his suspicions, he only realized when he was dying that Light had betrayed him a la Jesus' friend betraying him.

Light's family and Misa also loved him, and he didn't fully comprehend this. Of course, Misa does terrible things for Light's sake and halves her life twice. In Death Note, love is linked to ignorance and death (think of Rem), but also to what makes people, people. In the end, Light's friends have all realized he betrayed them, have even shot him, but they are still stricken when he dies. Why? Because justice or not, he's human.

What governs life or death cannot really be known by people. He's left begging a shinigami, a death god, to help him.

Light's problem is that he could not see himself as a person. He wanted to be better than one person, smarter, above. He didn't believe in god or heaven or hell, but despite how Ryuk tells him that makes him special, it actually doesn't. Because Light then sought to make himself one. Even if he didn't have a superpowered notebook, Light would have tried to make himself a god some other way.

Because that flaw--of wanting everything to be your way, of wanting everyone to agree with your opinions and wanting people to behave as you behave--is something intrinsically human.

#ask hamliet #death note meta #death note #light yagami #l

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gunterfan1992 · 3 years ago

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Episode Review: ‘Together Again’ (Distant Lands, Ep. 3)

Airdate: May 20, 2021

Story by: Jack Pendarvis, Kate Tsang, Hanna K. Nyström, Christina Catucci, Jesse Moynihan, Adam Muto

Storyboarded by: Hanna K. Nyström, Anna Syvertsson, Iggy Craig, Maya Petersen, Serena Wu

Directed by: Miki Brewster (supervising), Sandra Lee (art)

Across Adventure Time’s ten season run, the show explored a bevy of “mature” themes and story ideas—topics, like love, sexuality, depression, and grieving. The show also touched upon death, but the emphasis was usually placed on the emotional toll of a loved one dying, not really what happens when you die. We knew there were Dead Worlds and Death. We knew that there was reincarnation. But how does it all fit together? What does it mean? How does it work?

With “Together Again,” we finally have many of the answers.

This special opens with a marvelous fake-out episode simply called “Finn & Jake,” that sees the two steal a magical cartoon of 50-flavor ice cream before rescuing Turtle Princess and LSP from the clutches of the villainous Ice King. This is all deliberately anachronistic and over the top. Ice King is back to his season one ways, Finn has both arms, and he is still wielding his golden sword that he lost in season two’s “The Real You.” There’s lolrandom dialogue and silly monsters; it’s like a parody of seasons 1-2. But then, this adventure starts to get all wonky, and in time Finn realizes that he is in a some sort of trance or illusion: one that ends with Jake being buried in the ground. Suddenly, Finn awakens from his reverie. He’s an old man. And he’s dead. We’re then presented with a new title card that lets us know the episode is actually called “Finn & Jake Are Dead.”

Holy Glob! They actually went there.

Turns out Jake died years before Finn, so naturally Finn is super excited to see his best bud. But something’s wrong—he cannot find Jake!! They planned to spend eternity together. But all that Finn can find is his very own psychopomp, Mr. Fox (voiced by Tom Herpich, whose purposefully stilted line readings are the epitome of delightful). Finn rightfully assumes that Jake is in a different Dead World, and so, being the ball of spunk and energy that he is, he demands to meet with Death, only to discover that there’s a New Death in town (voiced by Chris Fleming). The episode eventually explains that New Death was the son of Death and Life, and after New Death killed his father, he became the sovereign of the afterlife. New Death hates his job and decides to just blow up all the Dead Worlds so he doesn’t have to deal with it all. (I won’t get too much into the details here, because there would be a lot of story to parse out.)

Finn soon learns that Jake has reached nirvana in the 50th Dead World, where there is nothing but peace and serenity. Finn nevertheless tracks down Jake, pulls him from paradise, but in doing so, accidentally lets New Death in, who promptly obliterates Elysium, sending all the enlightened souls—including those from different levels of the afterlife—to the 1st Dead World. This gronks up the afterlife, temporarily halting the reincarnation process.

Well, Finn and Jake are rightfully ticked, and so they haunt the material plane looking for Princess Bubblegum. She’s not home (more on that later), but Peppermint Butler is! After Ghost Finn and Ghost Jake explain the situation, Peppermint Butler tells them what to do: They need to find Life and explain the situation. The duo manage just that, and Life is rightfully angry that her kid has stopped the transmigration of souls. After Life gives Finn a McGuffin sword that can hurt Death, Finn and Jake return to his abode. A brawl ensues wherein we learn that New Death has been possessed… by none other than that spirit of the Lich.

That’s right, it’s the Lich! He’s back, and boy is he evil.

The Lich explains that by possessing Death, he can destroy the afterlife, thereby destroying a key aspect of reality. Naturally, Finn and Jake are not cool with this, and they engage in combat. After Mr. Fox grabs the McGuffin sword and uses it to annihilate the Lich and New Death, he is proclaimed the New New Death and sets everything right. Finn is slated to be reincarnated, and Jake is slated to return to the 50th Dead World where he and Finn will one day be reunited. As Finn is pulled into the wheel of souls, Jake suddenly decides to go back with Finn, too, “Just for fun.” The episode ends with a card letting us know that the episode is neither called “Finn & Jake” nor “Finn & Jake Are Dead.” Instead, it is “Finn and Jake Are Together Again.”

As they say, “And there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.”

If you were to tell me several years ago that the last episode to star Finn and Jake would revolve around them dying, I think I would’ve been upset. Not simply sad, but rather frustrated because “they all died” can feel like a cheap ending. But with “Together Again,” it all works. And a large reason that it works is because the show goes all in with their ideas. Finn and Jake don’t magically leap back into their old life (no, no, they very much do bite the dust). Instead, the special emphasizes the cyclical nature of life through the transmigration of souls. The episode ends with a beautiful scene of Finn and Jake, bound together as soul-brothers, being reborn into a new, mysterious (possibly Ooo 1000+?) world. It’s both aesthetically and emotionally pleasing; it doesn’t feel off the way over finales might. This is right. This is the way life works. “Round and round as nature goes,” and all that jazz.

I loved the series explanation of how death works. It seems that souls land in a specific Dead World, where they ‘marinate’ for a bit, presumably being rewarded or punished based on their life in our meat reality. After a time, they are then reborn. This process repeats, with each soul reaching higher and higher levels of enlightenment until they hit nirvana, which is the 50th Dead World. So in a sense, Adventure Time has a roughly Buddhist cosmology with a dash of Greco-Roman mythos thrown in for flavor. (As to what happens after a soul stays in the 50th Dead World for a long period is anyone’s guess, but I’d speculate that when all the souls in the multiverse have been purified and land in the 50th Dead World, they will all collapse into one another and form one perfect Monad. Perhaps this is the sphere of perfection that the beings who merged into Matthew thought they were connecting to? Who knows! It’s anyone’s guess!) I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see who Death, Prismo, Life, etc.’s boss was, but perhaps that’s a mystery better left up to the imagination!

One minor thing that I loved about this special was the number of characters who made cameos as well as all the callbacks that were made to previous episodes. Regarding the former: Finn and Jake’s canine family show up (including the oft-forgotten Jermaine!), as do Tree Trunks and her myriad husbands. Tiffany plays a major role in all these shenanigans as a “death cop” of all things. There is a delightful rogues gallery stuck in the 1st Dead World (including, among others, Maja, Sharon from “The Gut Grinder,” and Wyatt). In the 50th we find Ghost Princess and Clarence happily at peace next to Booshy, the weird spirit mentioned in the Pen Ward classic “High Strangeness.” As far as callbacks go, perhaps my favorite is the clap (from “James Baxter the Horse”) that Jake taught to Finn in case they ever do get separated in the afterlife. And of course, there are myriad references made to “Death in Bloom,” the episode that planted the seed for what this would grow into.

Going into the special suspecting that it would involve Death, I was curious how they were going to handle Miguel Ferrer’s character. (In case a reader is not aware, Ferrer played Death in episodes like “Death in Bloom” and “Betty,” but he sadly passed away a few years ago). The producers’ choice to feature him in a non-speaking cameo—despite playing a relatively significant role in the story—was wise; I’m not sure if I can articulate the exact reasons, but something about his role felt appropriate and not gross, as some post-mortem memorials can be. Speaking of which, the wonderful, lovely Polly Lou Livingston was featured for the last time in this episode as Tree Trunks, happily in heaven with her literal harem of husbands. It was funny, it really was, and I’m sure that Polly Lou would’ve gotten a kick out of seeing it on screen. (Also, this is a pro-Tree Trunks safe space. Any Tree Trunks haters will be chucked into the 1st Dead World with Wyatt.)

The biggest mystery in this whole thing, for me at least, is the question of Princess Bubblegum and Marceline. Several years ago, I wrote an essay about what could’ve happened to them in the Ooo 1000+ universe. I speculated that they peaced out and left Ooo behind. In this special, neither Bubblegum nor Marceline are to be found in the Candy Kingdom—Peppermint Butler seems to be the one in charge, given that he is now wearing Bubblegum’s crown. Likewise, the duo aren’t anywhere in the Dead Worlds either. Maybe the two of them skipped town and got a duplex in the Nightosphere? Who knows… I just want my favorite gals to be OK!

All things considered, “Together Again” was a marvel: An episode that managed to feel like a series finale even more than “Come Along with Me” already did without taking away from the series itself. An episode that managed to make the idea of dying funny. An episode that brought back the Lich in a way that wasn’t forced. An episode that made Mr. Fox the New New Death. An episode that gave us a beautiful ending to Finn and Jake’s story… as well as the beautiful beginning to a new one. I said it on Twitter, and I’ll say it again here: “Together Again” was the end of a sentence in a book with infinite pages. Truly, the fun will never end.

Mushroom War evidence: Everything takes place in the Dead Worlds, so not really. Perhaps a more eagle-eyed viewer can inform us...

Final Grade: That’s right, I’m gonna do it...

Post-script, I actually messaged Jesse Moynihan to ask about his writing credit. He told me that it was for an unused story idea that he had developed. I’m not certain, but I’ll bet it was a part of the cancelled TV movie they were trying to make during season 5, since that would’ve seen Finn and Orgalorg journey to the various Dead Worlds.

#adventure time #adventuretime #atimers #at #atdl #distant lands #adventure time distant lands #finn the human #jake the dog #together again #togetheragain #dead worlds #hanna k. nyström #Hanna K #adam muto #jack pendarvis

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shuahoonie · 4 years ago

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out of love [tom holland]

PAIRING: tom holland x female!reader

SUMMARY: being close friends with your ex is fine, right? even if your love for them was unparalleled among others. even if you were still in the process of moving on from them. even if you know they’re happy with someone else. even if you have no clue whether they loved you like you loved them.

WARNINGS: foul language, so much angst, it starts ok at first then goes downhill from there. i literally write things on the go so i don’t know if this will have fluff at some point

(if it does and i didn’t state it here, send me a cute photo of tom and a message of: ok wow she pulled thru 🤪; and if it doesn’t have fluff, send me a meme and a message of: miss girl i simply cannot today ✋😃)

WORD COUNT: 5.6k

A/N: hello! tonight, we are going to be sad!!! i know i usually like to write about all things fluff, but this?? this is just for me because i am having one of those episodes. i just need to feel something again aside from the stress of writing 3 academic papers per week lmao. i’m def not expecting people to like this type of vibe but yannoe. i apologize in advance.

this is inspired by that one episode from new girl (season 6 x ep 16)

gif credits: @thollandgifs

vanessa’s masterlist | taglist form | part two - pandemonium

“You know, you can still live with us right?” Your friend Maia commented as she placed the box, labelled “fine china that mom gave me but will i ever use them?”, on the kitchen island.

“I know,” You murmured dropping the heavy case of pots and pans on the floor. “But maybe living alone will be good for me.” You replied, forcing a smile. “Besides, I don’t want to int—“

“Hey, Y/N, where do you want this?” Harrison asked as he held out a box that’s labelled with “books that my grandpa passed on. HANDLE WITH CARE!”

“Oh, just set it down on the living room—“ before you could even finish, Harrison dropped the box on the floor as if it was nothing. “Harrison!” You hissed, as you quickly rushed to check on the box.

“Y/N, babe, they’re just books. Surely they can withstand any amount of pressure, yeah?” Haz tried to reassure you.

“Haz, those books are from my grandpa—which I’m sure he got from his grandpa.” You sighed. “They’re really old and fragile, so I just want them to be in a well enough condition to stand in my bookcase.”

“‘m sorry,” He murmured, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s just, why do you have to move out?” Harrison asked, frustrated at the whole thing.

“Like I told Maia, maybe having my own place will be good for me.” You replied calmly, as you neatly put the box filled with your grandpa’s books in the corner room—the initial place where you want to build your bookcase. “It’s been a while since I’ve lived on my own.”

“Yeah,” Harrison acknowledged “But there’s absolutely no reason for you to move out. You can’t possibly leave me with her!” He pointed at Maia who let out an audible gasp. Harrison was being dramatic of course.

“Haz—“ You were trying to fight off a laugh. “You two are my constants and if I became dependant on having you two at my convenience, it’s going to be a huge problem.”

“In my opinion, I don’t see it as a problem.” Maia pointed out childishly. You shook your head in disbelief. You had to move out because you miss having a place to yourself— a place where you can be at your complete worst and you don’t have to think about your friends worrying about you.

Besides, moving out means you don’t have to see Tom that often and that was a bonus in your book. It wasn’t a sour breakup per se, it’s just really difficult to feel happy for your ex when he practically showcases how different he is now with his girlfriend.

You prided yourself as a mature and well-rounded person who could be complete friends with her ex as if that’s normal. You could only keep the façade for so long.

Four months. It’s been four months since you and Tom broke up. You lived with Maia soon after the breakup and that enough was a blessing. Maia couldn’t bear to handle the fact that you would be alone at a time like this. Harrison usually crashes at Maia’s so he was bound to move in with you two. In fact, he was always there more often than you.

That was the point where you were convinced that Harrison liked Maia and that Maia liked Harrison.

Conveniently, you and Tom never ‘officially’ moved in together so you could avoid him freely at all costs.

Of course, that was eventually going to end soon. You and Tom were in the same friend group so you were bound to see each other, much to your dismay. You couldn’t exactly make Harrison and Maia pick friends because it’s not fair for anyone.

You were all friends before you and Tom decided to date. Maybe that’s why people say to never date a friend—especially if they’re near and dear.

You were coming back from work when you found people in the living room, and as if the universe really wanted to test you, it was the least likely people you’d expect to see.

“Y/N!” Maia’s voice was pure panic. “I didn’t know you’d be home this early.”

Your eyes quickly flickered between the two people standing across you before you diverted your attention to Maia. “Uh—yeah. There wasn’t really much to do in the office so I came home early.”

Maia turned to Harrison who was equally lost on how to handle the situation. I mean, who wouldn’t?! What were you supposed to do when your friend drops in unannounced with their new girlfriend and to makes the matters worse, your other friend—whom your friend dated before— decides to come home early?

You didn’t know how what kind of spirit took over your body that prompted you to extend your hand to the girl sitting beside your ex and say: “Hello, I’m Y/N.”

The girl looked surprised but shook your hand in return. “Nadine,” Nadine smiled slyly “I—um, I’m Tom’s girlfriend.”

Tom looked mildly uncomfortable but you chose to ignore it. You were becoming good at that—ignoring Tom.

You returned the smile at Nadine. You could feel the burning stares from your friends, mostly Maia. You cleared your throat and said, “I’ll just be in my room to finish the papers I need to send to my editor if you’ll excuse me.”

Before you left completely, you gave Nadine another smile and said, “It’s nice to meet you again, Nadine.”

You don’t remember how you got to your room but that was the least of your concern. You were just undeniably overwhelmed with what just happened that you didn’t even notice that there was a knock on your door.

When you opened the door, it was the last person you expected to see standing in your doorframe.

“Can we talk?” Tom asked in almost a whisper.

You gave him a half shrug and opened the door slightly wider for him.

“We’re okay, right?” He asked, looking at you in the eye.

At this point, you convinced yourself that you were numb. You never talked about the breakup. You never overtly said anything about what you felt. You felt empty. You convinced yourself that you were empty.

You stared back at Tom and without missing a beat, you replied “Of course. Why shouldn’t we?”

“Just admit that you two will miss me,” You teased, grabbing another box from Maia.

“Only if you admit that you’re moving out for an entirely different reason,” Maia whispered carefully as her eyes flickered towards Tom who was also helping with your move out.

You pressed your lips together and acted like he wasn’t even there. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said, you know, like a liar.

You weren’t a vocal person. The idea of talking about your feelings was really difficult for you so you try your best to avoid it. Actually, it’s worse than that. You’d go to extreme lengths to avoid confrontation.

Obviously, it wasn’t healthy. You would always distance yourself whenever you feel emotionally exhausted, and you really meant that distance. It wasn’t bad at first—maybe a day or two was all you needed before you felt comfortable enough to be around people again.

Then it became worse when you were in university. You were beyond unreachable. Aside from being emotionally exhausted, you were mentally drained too. You were always buried with papers and readings which was unavoidable but it took a huge toll on you. So whenever you get a chance to get a break, you completely shut off from people.

Your friends definitely noticed it and they tried their best to help.

Tom was among the people who definitely went out of their way to help you. He would always drop by at your dorm with food or coffee—he would literally just drop them off, most of the time. He would leave small notes that up to this day, you still kept and tucked away in a box.

Both Maia and Harrison followed Tom’s approach. They would all alternate on who’s dropping what and when. Some days, Maia would drop off a new skincare product she’s been using or a lovely box of macarons from your favourite patisserie.

On other days, Harrison would drop off some of his home-cooked meals or maybe a book he saw from a local bookstore—a book that reminded him of you.

Tom was very persistent though. He would sometimes wait out on the hall, just so he could see you and reassure himself (and your friends) that you were okay.

You found it taxing at first—you would often try your best to match the energy from your friends, which only left you exhausted at the end of the day. You wanted space and you clearly weren’t getting that from Tom. You did acknowledge that he only did it out of pure concern.

You often wondered why he did that, staying, but you didn’t ask him. You never did.

Maybe you were afraid that you’d come off as rude or that you’d seem ungrateful for dismissing someone when they’ve clearly taken the time off their day just to check on you.

However, every time you’d open that door, it always seemed that Tom would breathe a huge sigh of relief when you lock eyes. Even if it was just for a quick second. You wondered about that too.

Tom wasn’t really being intrusive. Most of the time, he will leave a few minutes after you’d open the door to get the things your friends would drop off. You’d always ask him if he wants to stay inside for a bit, but he’d always decline.

Except for that one time, though. That one time that you knew you were going to fall in love.

It was the week of midterms and deadlines. You were knee-deep with papers from different classes that demanded to be finished that week, one of which was a research paper that practically tied you to your laptop and made you consume an unhealthy amount of caffeine.

It wasn’t until 2 am when you were about to go on a quick drive to a McDonald’s but saw Tom dozed off in the hallway, his back pressed against the wall.

“Tom,” You shook him gently, trying not to startle him. “Tom, wake up.”

His eyes slowly fluttered open, seemingly disoriented at first but would soon fall into the warm familiarity that your face always brings.

“Why are you sleeping in the hall?” You asked quietly, careful not to make a fuss. The walls in your dorm were very thin and you learned that the hard way. You’d think they’d put a disclaimer about that in the lease when you’re housing a bunch of university students with raging sex drives.

It took Tom a minute to fully comprehend the question, seeing that the bright fluorescent light was being harsh on him and that he’s generally like that when being jolted awake.

“Oh, erm, I—” Tom was finding the right words to use. He can’t exactly exclaim ‘I’ve been worried sick about you!’ out of nowhere. Instead he said, “I was waiting for you to open the door, just to see if you’re alright.”

“All night?”

Tom scratched the back of his neck. “It seemed that way, yeah.” He muttered sheepishly.

You were dumbfounded. Surely this was the first time someone actually fell asleep outside your door, waiting for you to come out. It was sweet but highly unnecessary.

“I was just about to head out and get some McDonald’s, do you wanna come with?” You asked, giving him a hand to hoist himself up.

“I should get going—“

“Have you eaten yet?” You asked cutting him off, taking Tom by surprise. He shook his head no. “Then you should really come.” You said, jingling your car keys in front of him.

Tom was debating whether or not to go with you. It’s been a while since you hung out, but that was the same case for everyone. None of your friends have properly hung out with you ever since the semester started.

Tom should say yes, right?

“Let’s go, Tommy,” You said as you grabbed his hand and dragged him across the hall. “I’ve been staring at my laptop all day and I really need some unhealthy food to balance out the concerning amount of caffeine I’ve consumed.”

“Is that why you’re practically bouncing off the walls?” Tom asked amused, trying to keep up with your pace with your hand holding his.

“Totally,” You grinned at him. “I need to wear out the caffeine or else, I’d have to skip my morning class again.”

“French?”

You nodded. “They’re counting the amount of absences in that class and I really need to keep my shit together.”

“‘m not exactly sure why you took that as an elective,” Tom commented, properly wrapping his hand around yours with fingers interlacing each other.

You tried to ignore it, you really did, but the warm feeling that settled around your stomach drove you crazy.

“Why not? I think it’s cool to learn another language.” You nudged him playfully which he gladly returned.

“I know and trust me, I’m in awe that you’re learning another language! erm—I guess it’s just I feel like you’re overworking yourself too much.” Tom pointed out softly, hoping he didn’t come off as rude or intrusive.

“Eh, I don’t mind.” You replied “It’s what drives me to keep going and for me that’s more than enough. Even if it leaves me little to no sleep, even if it takes too much of my time—it’s enough reason for me to do it.”

Tom stared at you in admiration as soon as those words slipped out your mouth and you didn’t even notice it. You were walking towards the student parking lot, consumed by the twinkling lights from the neighbouring lanes near campus.

Maybe if you weren’t busy consuming the quiet campus grounds, you’d notice the very first time Tom fell in love with you.

“Besides, I know a phrase in french now.”

“Hm—and what’s that, then?”

“Je ne suis pas l’escargot”

“L’escargot? Isn’t that—“

“I am not a snail,” You giggled. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”

Tom laughed, “I supposed so.”

Maybe if you weren’t so afraid of confrontation, you’d have an idea of when Tom knew that you were his person.

See, the thing is— you needed to face reality sooner or later and both your friends could see right through it.

“Honestly, Y/N, how on earth can your box of art materials be this heavy—” Tom appeared in front of the door frame, heaving as he carried the box from two flights of stairs.

You quickly averted your gaze from Maia, who was staring at you expectantly, and cleared your throat. “You can just set them by the door, Tom. I don’t know where to put them yet.” You said as you tried your best to act normal.

“You sure? They’re a tad heavy and I don’t want you to strain yourself.” Tom asked with furrowed brows.

All you could do was nod. The last thing you wanted was Tom’s focused attention on you.

“If you say so,” Tom sighed in defeat “I’m going to grab more boxes—Baby, you don’t have to carry that!” Tom was quick to disappear as he urgently dashed towards his girlfriend, Nadine.

“Oh, but I want to help, Tommy.” You heard Nadine say sweetly, assuming she was also pouting.

You could see Maia roll her eyes, urging you to give her a nudge and a taunting look. “Maia,” you called her out, silently pleading her to stop.

Maia settled down but she wasn’t exactly calm about it either. “I’m still not sure why she’s here.” She murmured. You and Harrison were close enough that you can hear her rambles—which was expected from her anyway.

Maia and Nadine go way back—like toddlers and playgrounds kind of way. Though that sounds figuratively adorable in a way, Maia and Nadine never got along.

Nadine used to date Maia’s brother, which already caused Maia a great demise. As one could expect, the relationship didn’t end well. She left him out of nowhere, saying she needs to find herself—or something along those lines.

A week after the breakup, what Nadine found was herself in the arms of another man. Of course, Maia’s brother was devastated—He truly loved Nadine. Maia had to be the pillar that her brother leaned on. It took Maia a great amount of time to help her brother pick up the pieces that Nadine left.

So yeah—Maia wasn’t thrilled when she heard that Tom was Nadine’s new boyfriend.

“She offered to help, Mai,” You whispered “Who am I to deny help?”

Maia looked at you as if you managed to empty your head while you were moving in between flats. “She’s been after me ever since we were kids. She’s also the reason why it took my brother months to get out of bed,” Maia deadpanned “and She’s Tom’s new girlfriend. Remember Tom? Your ex?” She said rather loudly.

You gave her a tiny pinch on her arm, causing her to yelp. “Maia, are you nuts?!”

Harrison left the two of you so he could grab more boxes, while you and Maia bickered silently amongst each other.

“You are thicker than I thought—Seriously, Y/N. Quit pinching me!” Maia aggressively rubbed her arm.

“They’re going to hear you!” You hissed. “The last thing I want is for those two to get involved.”

“Babe, they’re already involved. Tom, especially.” Maia remarked. “I see the way you look at Tom. I also see the pain you feel whenever he’s with she who must not be named.”

“I’m not doing this Maia,” you mumbled as you walked past her. Your objective was now to help Harrison with the remaining boxes. Your objective was anything but to talk about you and Tom.

“You have to face it sooner or later, Y/N.” Maia called out “I’m not leaving you or this apartment until you tell me what really happened.”

“What’s going on?” Harrison asked as he entered the apartment, carrying three sets of boxes. You grabbed one from him and actively avoided his question.

Before Maia could reply, Tom and Nadine appeared on the doorframe, with Nadine practically glued to Tom.

“Harrison got the last remaining boxes so we’re heading off now,” Tom announced as Nadine’s face painted with clear desperation to get out of your place. “Are we still going bowling tonight?” Tom asked before Nadine whispered something in Tom’s ear and left.

“I’m actually exhausted so I’ll pass,” You answered, obviously avoiding spending time with your ex and his current girlfriend. You’re not that pathetic.

“Same might actually have to just drink the night away,” Maia responded with a grin.

“Well, there’s no way I’m third-wheeling so I’m good,” Harrison said as he threw himself towards the plush teal couch that you snagged from a flea market.

For the tiniest second, Tom seemed disappointed but gave a tight-lipped smile. “Oh, maybe we can reschedule our bowling night, then?” He asked. “It’s not as fun to go bowling with just the two people.”

You, Harrison, and Maia all shared a look. You weren’t on board with bowling-night, to begin with, but you didn’t want Tom to feel as if you were avoiding him—which you were but no one needs to know that.

Maia looked at you, waiting for an answer because god knows she will solely depend on her decision based on yours. You don’t even have an answer, to begin with.

“What are you two supposed to do then?” Harrison asked Tom. Thank god for Harrison.

“I might take Nadine to this poetry jam event that she’s been dying to go to” Tom replied with a soft voice.

“A poetry night?” Maia almost wanted to laugh “You don’t even have the slightest interest in literature, Tom.” Maia didn’t mean to offend him or maybe she did? She wasn’t completely fond of Tom ever since you and Tom broke up—well, she wasn’t fond of the idea that Tom was dating her ‘arch nemesis’, but Tom was her friend and so were you.

“I know that, Mai.” Tom rolled his eyes “but Nadine likes it and I’ll do everything to make her happy.” That left a bitter taste in your mouth.

“If you say so,” Maia murmured before she took a quick look at you. She looked like she wants to give you the biggest hug. But you held a stoic look on your face—something that you picked up because you were afraid of confrontation.

“I’m serious,” Tom defended, lost in his feelings, which only irked Maia even more.

“I know, I heard you— we heard you,” Maia replied, her face showing only one emotion: annoyed. “God, read the room,” Maia grumbled to herself. Harrison had to reach for her hand, urging her to calm down.

“I really love her,” Tom whispered. That left a slap in the face.

It was a cold Saturday afternoon and it has been raining almost all day. It was one of the rare weekends that you weren’t really occupied to do anything other than to lay on your couch and consume a copious amount of entertainment.

Despite the spitting rain, you actually want to head out this time. Being confined to your desk and the university was torture especially since you couldn’t do anything about it—the four of you were graduating this year, no one could afford to slack off.

You and Tom were cuddled against the sofa— Tom was busy watching something on TV while you were busy scrolling on your phone.

“Hey, Tom?”

“Yes, my sweet girl?”

“Do you want to go downtown?” You asked, looking at your phone as you read the details of an event happening this weekend.

“Right now?”

“Mhm,” you hummed. “There’s a book fair being held at the local theatre.” You rested your chin on top of his chest and gave him a pout. You were getting sick of being cooped up between your study table and the library. This book fair was a change of scenery and it’s definitely right up your alley.

“But it’s raining, darling” Tom tried to say in the softest way possible. It’s not exactly up in Tom’s interests though.

“I know,” You sighed “I guess I’m just getting sick of this place.”

“You’re getting sick of me?” Tom asked with a huge pout. He was kidding of course.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of you, Tom.” You chuckled softly.

“Okay,” He hummed, pulling you closer to him—if that was even possible. “Then can we stay like this for a while?”

“Anything for you, angel.” You whispered as you closed the details about the local book fair. Maybe next time.

Soon after Tom left, Maia pulled you to her side and asked, “You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You feigned innocence. It was clear as day that you weren’t okay, your friends knew that.

Knowing that you weren’t going to budge, Maia walked towards the kitchen and brought out a bottle of wine from the fridge.

Harrison raised an eyebrow at her and asked, “When did you manage to put that in the fridge?” All of you had been occupied with grabbing boxes that there was no way that Maia had the time to put wine in the fridge, let alone obtain them from somewhere.

“It was supposed to be a celebratory drink for Y/N’s new place,” Maia replied as she set the wine and three various mugs on the coffee table. “Obviously, that’s not happening now.” Drinking wine using the oddly designed mugs you collected over the years was a cry for help.

“It’s 4 pm, Mai.” You pointed out as you stared at the white LED clock that you bought off Amazon—another impulse purchase enabled from scrolling on Pinterest for way too long. “We haven’t even had lunch yet.”

“Oh please,” Maia snorted “If there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s drinking with little to no food consumption.”

“And if there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s cancelling all of my plans for the entire day because I have to tend your hungover-self, Mai,” Harrison remarked as he grabbed the bottle and placed it back on the fridge. “I’m ordering food and no one’s drinking until everyone has finished a meal.”

You heard Maia mutter a string of curses but most especially the part that she said, “This is not the version of daddy that I envisioned Harrison to be.”

All of a sudden Maia’s idea of binge drinking doesn’t seem like a bad idea, you thought.

Turns out Harrison had no intention of letting any of you drink. He was pretty adamant about not having to babysit two drunk messes in one night.

“As if babysitting one isn’t enough,” You recalled Harrison say. He was obviously pertaining to Maia, in which she just huffed the entire time. You often wondered if Maia and Harrison noticed the obvious tension between them, because personally you found it endearing. It was no question that they were meant for each other.

“Y/N, you still haven’t told us whatever happened between you and Tom.” Maia suddenly pointed out. You, Maia, and Harrison were still in the living room, silently watching TV.

You were actively avoiding this conversation for the longest time as you haven’t told anyone about it, and based by the curious faces of your friends, you figured that Tom didn’t tell anyone about it either. You’re still not sure whether that’s a relief or not.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You mumbled. It’s not like you were lying, there really was barely anything to talk about. Heck—You and Tom never got to talk about it properly either.

“We see the way you look at him, Y/N.” Harrison replied softly. “I think there is something.”

“Look—” Maia sat up properly “I know you’re not really vocal about your feelings, but the fact that you’ve never talked nor showed any emotion about your breakup terrifies me, babe.” Maia’s tone was laced with concern.

“I remember the day you told us about it too,” Harrison couldn’t hide his concern too “We were having brunch together at our usual diner and half-way through our meal, you promptly said “We broke up” when Maia asked where Tom was,” Harrison recalled it like it was a fever dream. He and Maia had already expected that you weren’t going to tell them about the breakup when it just happened. However, it baffles them that it’s been over a year since you and Tom broke up, and not one word has been said about it.

It was silent for a while, except for Criminal Minds that was playing on the TV. You blankly stared at the screen, hoping that you’d catch whatever the agents were saying. It was impossible, especially when all your mind could focus on was the recollection of the day Tom knocked on your door at 1 am to breakup.

You were relatively busy that day from volunteer work, so you haven’t seen any of your friends the entire day—or Tom for that matter. Actually, you haven’t seen Tom in a few days. He would send texts periodically throughout the day but they were always short and most of the time, you always forget to reply.

You figured Tom was busy with his own thing and both of you established early on in your relationship that texting—or lack thereof— shouldn’t account to your relationship, especially since both of you are equally bad at it.

You didn’t think any of it since you were bound to see your boyfriend and your friends tomorrow for brunch anyway. He will have your undivided attention by then.

So imagine your surprise when you heard a soft knock from your door at 1 am, only to find Tom in disarray. His eyes were bloodshot red, tears falling down his face. His messy curls were masked under the hood from his jumper.

At first you were in panic, you thought that something terrible had happened to any of your friends—his family even.

But as soon as Tom dropped to his knees and whispered, “I’m sorry,” you had a clear idea what was bound to happen next.

It’s been silent for a while. The door was still open and Tom sat out in the hall with his back leaning against your wall. You did the same thing except you were on the other side of the wall that Tom was leaning on.

You two were close enough to the door frame that you could hear each other, actually facing each other was a whole other thing. Tears kept streaming down your face as you kept your eyes closed and rested your head against the wall.

At some point in your relationship, you prepared yourself in case this happened— that you would accept whatever happens between you and Tom. You didn’t exactly anticipate that it would happen so soon.

“Was there someone else?” You asked quietly. It was the first time you spoke after Tom dropped to his knees. You hoped there wasn’t. In fact, you silently begged to yourself that there wasn’t someone else, because you knew that you couldn’t handle that.

“No, no—of course not.” Tom immediately answers.”I could never do that to you.”

It was silent again. You were starting to feel numb—you tried your best to gather your thoughts and forced words out of your mouth, but you couldn’t.

“Are we not worth fighting anymore?” You practically whispered. It was a gamble— you weren’t exactly sure if Tom had heard it and you don’t have enough strength to ask it again.

“Y/N,” Tom sniffled. “You can’t say that.” He placed his hand on top of yours. You had your hand resting on the floor and you didn’t exactly notice that it served as an invitation for Tom hold it again.

You love Tom with all your heart. He kept dismissing it but Tom made you a better person. He made you feel like love can be expressed through different forms of things—not just words.

You loved him by exclusively making time for him. You went on museum dates where he would make cheesy remarks, saying that you’re the most remarkable piece of art in the entire place. You went on dates to watch football games—you never understood it but Tom was happy, so you were happy.

You loved him through your touch. You would often massage his back because he had been tirelessly working himself to the core. He didn’t ask for it but you knew it would make him feel better. Your touch didn’t have to be intimate—though you expressed it through that way too

You loved him through mindless actions. Almost every time you would stop by at the local cafe to grab yourself some coffee, you would always recite Tom’s favourite order on autopilot.

You loved him through silence. Study dates were gems for you. Even if you didn’t talk for the entirety of it and even if you were the only one who studied for the most part and Tom was just playing on his phone, having Tom beside you was enough.

You loved him so much that it pains you to think that maybe you weren’t enough for him.

“I don’t think I can fight for someone who doesn’t even want to,” You muttered bitterly. “Just answer the question, Tom.”

He didn’t answer. All you could hear were the silent sobs that you two were trying to hold back. At this point, you knew you wouldn’t look at Tom. Your heart wouldn’t take it—it will crush you.

“Are you not happy anymore?” Your voice cracked as you broke into a sob.

“Y/N—“ Tom squeezed your hand even more. You’re going to miss it, but you had to let go.

“Tom, if I’m standing in the way of your happiness then we should end this.” You cleared your throat and pulled your hand away. There’s a ghostly feeling that still lingered from Tom’s touch.

“Please, Y/N, let me explain—“

“It’s okay, Tom.” You whispered. “I understand.”

“You know I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Tom.”

“But—“

“But maybe it’s best if we end it, I know. I got it.” You let out a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down from crying. “Maybe it’s better if we stayed as friends.” Maybe it’s better to realize that whatever you and Tom had were too good to be true—that your love will never compare to the love he deserves.

“Do you want the truth?” You asked your friends, with tears forming in your eyes. You can’t even decipher how they looked at you because of the tears clouding your vision.

Were they looking at you in pity? Empathy? Sadness?

“The truth is—I’m mad.” You gritted the words through your teeth. This was the first time your friends had seen you like this. All of the pent-up sadness, aggression, and hurt you felt was starting to get the best of you.

“I’m angry. I’m hurt.” You snarled, furiously wiping the tears from your face. “I’m angry at the fact that I can’t seem to be genuinely happy for Tom. I’m hurt at the idea he seems to be a better boyfriend for Nadine, that he constantly makes an effort for her.”

“I don’t even know if he even loved me the way that I loved him,” Your voice became quiet “and it’s selfish for me to think that way because I never fought for it—for us. That’s enough reason to keep me up at night.”

That’s enough reason for you to wonder if you’ll be capable of loving someone so deeply again.

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@quaksonhehe @dark-infernal-instruments @trustfundparker @emsma11 @tomshufflepuff @spider-babe @goodgirlgonetom @tabi-toast

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland angst #tom holland x you #tom holland x fem #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #tom holland blurb #tom holland and reader #tom holland and you #tom holland imagines #tom holland x y/n #tom holland au #tom holland and y/n #the girl writes i guess #txmhoellandwrites

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azems-familiar · 3 years ago

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Tell me about the corruption arc Bestie

oh bless you are going to get Such a textwall and i do not even care

what i am currently most emotions about is. how Revan's entire outlook shifts so gradually through the war that she doesn't even realize it's changing/changed! like, she gets to this point where she ends up literally not able to completely remember why she went to war in the first place - it was about revenge, wasn't it? wasn't it? hasn't it always been about- saving the galaxy and about destroying the Mandalorians and about winning?

and like! it hasn't! when she first went to war it was out of compassion, it was this determination that she would do the right thing when no one else would, because the galaxy was being BROKEN and no one was stepping up, and what are Jedi if not compassionate, and what are Jedi if they do not stand by the oaths they took when they were knighted? and like- yes, she was determined to win, but she was determined to win so that no one else would suffer the way the Cathar did, so that she could find justice for their deaths, and the line between justice and vengeance can be so blurred at times but there is such a clear difference at the same time and what Revan ended up doing at Malachor- it's the latter, not the former. violence begets violence begets violence and it's a cycle and in committing a genocide against the Mandalorians to make them pay for a genocide of the Cathar it's just perpetuating this cycle, and early Revan would've- seen that, or at least known it wasn't the right way to end this!

but she gets so caught up in her own legend that she loses all of it. like- how to put this into words in a way that isn't just exploring it through prose. she has the mask and it's originally the symbol of her promise, of her commitment, but it becomes this symbol for her and for her victory from the moment she wins her first battle with it, and the Jedi who follow her, who took her name as their cause, they already see her as their leader. and the Republic starts talking about her as a hero and tying this all to the mask, and it just keeps getting worse and worse as she wins more and more because she is being heralded as this savior and she was told from a young age that she was meant to save the galaxy and she'd never thought it was true, not really, but now- well, she starts to doubt. she starts to believe, maybe, that she really is meant to

and like. the sacrifices are such a huge part of this, i don't know if i can completely explain it. Cassus Fett is out here constantly pushing her to see how far she'll go, and the problem is, the strategies work. she uses people as pawns and it's this constant. sacrificing the few to save the many, and it works but it takes its toll on her. it gets her seeking out absolution from Alek and it gets her justifying it to herself as sacrifices are necessary in war because sometimes, sacrifices are necessary for the greater good and war, this war, is for the greater good, so it follows from there, and originally it's a justification but she comes to believe in it because her sacrifices are winning, not just battles but the war, and she's constantly being told by so many people that she is saving the galaxy and it all just- sinks in. and the mask becomes her in all the ways that matter, because she cannot stay human and cope with everything she's done, everything she's killed.

and also! she has to be right at all times. every decision she's made in this war, it has to be the right one, because if it isn't - if she was wrong - she made these choices for her pride and her pride alone, and she can't handle that. she has to be Right and the Mandalorians, especially Fett, have to be Wrong, and she can't see any shades of grey in this (despite Everything she does being this mess of grey) because she can't confront the fact that her own pride is what lets her really lean into this savior thing. she has to be better than the Mandalorians because if she's not-

if she really is the same as they are, then what was all of this for?

and like. she is angry, she is arrogant, she is proud, these are her flaws, her faults, and combined with this desperate need to prove herself that stems from how she was always regarded as too angry and too attached and too dark by a lot of the Jedi growing up, especially a couple certain masters who i will not name but would like to murder, it all just snowballs into this. she has to be the legend because she has to prove herself and also she needs to Win and she needs to be Better and she needs to do all of this and she physically cannot do it as a human. so she makes herself both more than and less than one. and more than this, like! there's this whole thing where. she cannot accept responsibility for her own role in all of this. she cannot lay the lives of everyone she's sacrificed for her victory on her own shoulders, otherwise she will break, because she is twenty-two years old when she goes to war and twenty-five when she gives the order to activate the Mass Shadow Generator and that same compassion that led her to go to war makes it impossible for her handle the Guilt of everything she's done.

so she turns. and she lays it all at Cassus Fett's feet. because he is the one who drives her into these sacrifices and he is the one who pushes her and he is the one who- on and on and on, she turns him into the villain and the scapegoat and like - yeah, the Mandalorians are at least half at fault for all this, but no one is forcing her into this. (except Vitiate, all of this has been Vitiate from the very beginning, and that's why it's all a tragedy because there were no right answers and at the same time Everyone was right and there was never any other way any of this could end - Revan will always go to war and Alek and the Exile will always follow and Malachor V will always burn) she makes Fett into the personification of all her guilt and she turns it all into anger and she declares that she will get revenge on him for everything he's made her do and so she kills her guilt in the dirt on Dxun, stabs Fett through the gut with his own spear and takes the breastplate off his still-living body to turn into her own armor as proof of her victory, and in his final moments he tells her that they are the same and she looks at him and says that is why you have to die because no one, no one can know that in the end, she Is just like them. that when pushed into a war, she fights for the thrill of battle, that she wants the victory more than she wants anything else, that she is no longer a Jedi and she isn't sure what to do with that.

Fett dies, and then Revan turns, with a golden beskar breastplate and a red sash added to her black robes, and she goes to Malachor V and she kills Mandalore and she shatters the Mandalorians into dust for all their crimes (for all her guilt) (for all her rage and bitter determination and the last dying shards of her compassion). a planet dies, the Mandalorians die, and a war is won and the Republic is saved but that isn't enough. it's not enough. she no longer knows how to be at peace, she has turned herself so successfully into the mask and the legend that without the war she does not know how to exist and so she- goes to find a new one, because the galaxy isn't ever going to be saved.

and the worst part of all of this is- there's this moment, this battle. the second battle of Althir. she's been making bigger and bigger sacrifices but she's never directly fired on her own people before, but this battle - it was all a trap, of sorts, and she is losing, and there is this moment in which she has to choose between a strategic retreat to save her fleet and her people, or a victory, or winning even though it means deliberately killing tens of thousands of her own people to do it. and it's sort of this point of no return for her when maybe things could be different - maybe she could turn back, maybe victory doesn't have to be all-important to her - and then they can't, and she can't, and it does. and she gives the order to kill off a third of the ships she has with her for that victory.

and she does not mourn it.

because sacrifices are necessary in war.

and in the end, living up to the legend she's made herself into - being it, completely and utterly - has become the most important thing to her, more important than saving lives.

and this - it's why she falls, in the end. she makes the conscious choice to become Sith (she was very much hovering on the edge of the Dark, but she wasn't completely fallen) after escaping from Vitiate, because the Jedi weren't strong enough to defeat the Mandalorians, and like - it's not the same, but also, yes it is. it all leads here. everything she has ever gone through leads to this moment, standing on Korriban, surrounded by dust as red as the blood that soaked it a millennium ago with the cold wind stretching her cloak out behind her, when she ignites her violet lightsaber and names herself Darth Revan.

(Revan, still, because her name is not a name, it has not been a name in years, her name is a title in the mouths of her Jedi and her soldiers and her enemies, Revan, Revan, save us, Revan, kill us, Revan, lead us to victory.

and she will.)

#you are getting the Whole Ramble i am not ashamed of this #ramblings #long post #kotor #darth revan #you really did not specify you just said tell me about the corruption arc #well #now you have. probably 2k words about the corruption arc #ENJOY THEM #:)#god i could get more into this in depth but i would need to start pulling sections of prose and also detailing out specific battles #and i was Trying to write this as a summary lol #hmmm this probably qualifies as #my writing #it's prose enough i suppose #have fun reading the novel

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