#but I prioritized my interests

[jesuis-assez]

↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x10 - The Dark Side

[misterxsamsa]

I think the JTHM universe's versions of heaven and hell are very interesting. They're evidently not based on mortality persay, not even just an objective measure of intelligence. It's very nuanced, and specific, and the introduction of it acts a good narrative conclusion to Johnny's character progression.

We're introduced to heaven first, and an evidently very flawed God. He's portrayed as all grotesque, and lazy, and funny-looking — not answering any of Johnny's questions, or doing anything about the the world's suffering. However, in relation to heaven's inhabitants, the concept of "content" is stressed above morality. There's nothing enriching in the enviorment, just chairs to "bliss" in, but they're all completely at peace and given immense power alongside that.

We're not given incredible amounts of insight into the people residing there. However, it seems some of them were likely quite unpleasant in character, like the crabby old woman. Through all this, the notion of morality not being the determining factor of where you reside in the afterlife is established. So, if it's not morality, subjective or otherwise, then what is it? Well, it's not any one thing, and the answer to that question is left somewhat open-ended and subjective.

When catching a glimpse of hell, the characters of its residents are just as mixed as heaven's — some nice, some mean. The shared trait between all of them though is a preoccupation with the inane. They're cartoonishly reactive to the smallest of inconveniences, materialistic, superficial, or lacking in attention span. We're told many of them are driven to neuroticism by an eye in the sky that they all simultaneously believe to be watching them specifically. To me, this is a barely symbolic representation of an obsession with appearences: the judgements, opinions, praises of others.

Personally, I interpret the determining factors for the fate of your eternal soul in JTHM to be that of priorities and perspective. To be specific, what you allow to consume your thoughts — the things you value and pursue during your life. By choosing [or rather prioritizing] contentment, the residents of heaven decided that it was more worthwhile than wasting mental energy on fleeting negative emotions, or other base things. It's not that their souls are being judged from some detached perspective outside of themselves. They're determining the course of their own afterlife, and hell is effectively just a self-imposed state of mind.

That's all intriguing from a lore perspective, but this system is a backdrop meant to emphasize the themes of Johnny's narrative journey. The idea that "heaven" and "hell" are states actively sought rather than assigned is meant to highlight Johnny's agency in his own deterioration. He's chosen to prioritize his misanthropy, and homicidal tendencies, over his art and relationships. By seeing himself in the residents of hell through their shared flaws, he's forced to internally take accountability. That's what ultimately drives him towards a pursuit of contentment in Issue #7.

What's interesting though is that the notion of what exactly "contentment" entails is left purposefully vague. Why wouldn't it be? The concept of "contentment" is subjective and self-determined. That's why Johnny continues to kill, and overall be very morally dubious even after his change in perspective. He's choosing to make it about his own amusement and enrichment rather than centering it in exhaustive hate. Hey, everybody finds happiness a little differently, I suppose, it's still tangible progress nonetheless.

There's an interesting dichotomy to be found between God and Senor Diablo. Upon a first glance, I've seen many take their portrayal [and differences] as a cynical, but straightforward poke at organized religion. That's probably the case, but I see more to it than just that. In JTHM, the systems of heaven and hell are meant to reflect and support Johnny's character progression. As such, I'd make the argument God and Senor Diablo could be symbolic of the judgements Johnny would normally make on others.

Senor Diablo is very distinguished, intelligent, and he loves the word "DOOM". He's seemingly well-off compared to the God of this world, and Johnny respects him significantly more [relatively speaking] as a result. However, he's unhappy with the people he rules over, and exhausted by their repetitively short-sighted tendencies. In some respects, you could view him as Johnny's parallel, both are cynical enjoyers of suffering looking down on idiots who they view as beneath them. Perhaps, by a subjective character evaluation, and on aesthetics, you could say he's above his heavenly counterpart. Still, that judgement would bring him no joy.

It's emblematic of the lessons Johnny has to learn about himself and others. He's not better than humanity for constantly engulfing himself in the sufferings and injustices of the world, ones he only pretends to truly care about. His intellect is only valuable for as much as he can properly utilize it to better his own circumstances. With God, he's greasy and ignorant, but he's completely happy, or content. He's a representation of all the traits that motivates Johnny's hatred of others — he's all fleshy-like, and completely unconcerned with his sorroundings in any deep sense. It makes sense for humans to be apparently made in his image, since he's a fucked up interpretation of the quintessential human.

Still, by the end of the comics, Johnny learns to appreciate his love of content, rather than fixating upon his numerous detestable traits. In life, you'll encounter many people you'll find to be as disgusting as that lumpy God-dude in his chair. Regardless, it's in your best interests to only allow their bad qualities to occupy your thoughts to a limited degree. By learning to internalize to philosophies of people different from him, or particularly flawed, Johnny's learned to become a more well-rounded person. Again, relatively speaking by the standards of a homicidal maniac. Rome wasn't built in a day!

[dariusaurs]

i think dinostar is such an interesting ship right now even if i've kind of turned away from it after this season. the problem is that it's complicated, and fandoms historically don't like nuanced situations or takes. i don't think it's fair to say darius is putting brooklynn on a pedestal, since from his perspective, she hasn't done anything wrong, and kenji has been framed as this unfair partner to her. it does feel like his feelings are very immature and more of an infatuation right now ("if he loved you half as much.."/"unless?"), especially when you compare them to kenji's own feelings for brooklynn - his girlfriend who he's loved for 6 years - but that isn't a horrible thing, it's just different. i do completely understand if people dislike the ship right now, and even criticize darius' way of handling the accidental confession, but i just think people have been way too harsh on all three of them without being willing to see that all of their perspectives are different

[ablazenqueen]

The most upsetting part of this scene (and probably the whole ep) are these two looks:

Because the look on Jeff’s face? It’s hopeful and trusting. He has just the slightest ghost of a smile when he looks at Alan, he looks like he has full confidence that Alan is going to back him up, continue backing him up like he does at the start of this confrontation.

But the look on Alan’s face? It’s doubt. He looks at Jeff and he thinks maybe and he breaks eye contact, looks away just slightly, drops his gaze, because he wants to trust Jeff and he can see the hope in those eyes, but he’s unsure. And even if he chooses to trust Jeff, he’s team leader, how can he not side with his boys? How can he not support the majority, the boys he’s known the longest, the boys who’ve proven their loyalty to him and each other over years, and offer the resolution that most benefits the most amount of people?

How can he not choose the rational resolution, even if it requires squashing that hard-earned trust?

[gayvecchio]

due South - 1.20 Victoria's Secret pt. 1 || 4.12 Call of the Wild pt. 1

[a-bottle-of-tyelenol]

Speaking of how Odysseus sees Eurylochus (could be seen as a part two to this post), I often think about this video Jorge made about Eurylochus where he talks about how Eury almost seems lost and like he can’t find his way due to how inconsistent his instrumental is.

I think it also implies something super interesting from Odysseus’ perspective too.

Eurylochus, as far as I can tell, only really has his Luck Runs Out motif that we almost exclusively hear paired with the rest of the crew. It’s something that he leads on, yes, but there is a moment where the crew uses it on their own (in Mutiny, when Perimedes stabs Odysseus) and therefore it feels like something much more dedicated to the crew as a whole. This could be something showing how much Eurylochus puts into the crew and how much of his life is dedicated to them, or it could also be something that shows how much more similar he is to the crew than to Odysseus (lumping himself in with them and further leading to the separation between Ody and the crew that I talk about in this post— can you tell I yap a lot about Eurylochus?).

But I think it’s interesting to look at it in a more meta way. EPIC is primarily told from Odysseus’ point of view, only changing after Eurylochus dies. So, every moment we have with him is strictly from Odysseus’ perspective and, therefore, the lack of distinction in Eurylochus’ music could easily be attributed to that.

Most of Eurylochus’ arc is implied— specifically when it comes to how he changes from Circe’s island to Mutiny and that’s led to a lot of interpretations from people that aren’t necessarily wrong due to the fact that nothing about him is very clear. And I don’t just mean people who view him as a selfish hypocrite, I also mean opinions that I hold too.

I, for example, strongly believe that there’s a real possibility Eurylochus wasn’t the only one who opened the windbag. He was definitely there and probably apart of it, but there are real implications in the show that he might not have done it alone and simply took responsibility out of guilt. It doesn’t absolve him of all wrongdoing, but it is something to consider when it comes to the discussions about his self-preserving nature versus how he prioritizes the wellbeing of the crew. That being said, these implications aren’t what’s directly in the text, through lyrics or music, so I could be totally wrong.

And that’s exactly my point; there isn’t a whole lot to Eurylochus to decipher, musically. Jorge likes to use the music to give the audience background information on characters (like how he uses Athena’s ensemble in Warrior of the Mind to tell us that Athena is amused by Odysseus fangirling over her or how we can sometimes hear Circe’s motif in regards to Scylla, both things he’s revealed on TikTok). This is the type of information that Odysseus might not necessarily know but that we get told through the music.

Eurylochus doesn’t seem to have anything like that.

Unlike pretty much every other character that has some level of distinction to them and how they interact with our primary perspective, Odysseus doesn’t have anything to connect with Eurylochus other than the rest of the crew. There’s nothing that is specifically tied to him and this carries on throughout the entire show, where he takes on other melodies and instruments depending on the context. While perhaps not intentional, Eurylochus being musically lost not only leaves a lot of his actions and motivations up to interpretation for the audience, but it also highlights just how out of sync he is with Odysseus.

Their primary conflict revolves around their inability to understand one another and it’s very clear that they both have views on the other that is incorrect. Odysseus believes Eurylochus to be too ruthless and yet too cautious to actually effectively use the philosophy and Eurylochus sees Odysseus as too arrogant, playing foolish games with the gods that will only get the crew killed. They’re both right, to a degree, but their inability to understand or even empathize with the other’s position is really what destroys them— something we see even in the very beginning. There is no musical tie to them and nothing musically surrounding Eurylochus to signal any other meanings to the audience— Eurylochus is just his Luck Runs Out melody, that again is intrinsically tied to the rest of the crew which makes it less distinctive to him as a character than, say, Open Arms for Polites.

And then comes Mutiny— where Eurylochus is the most musically distinct and yet, none of it is truly his. In the beginning, he hijacks Odysseus’ electric guitar (possibly a hint that he understands Odysseus more than Odysseus has, thus far, understood him) and, in the second half, the melody he sings is that of Survive— which was potentially the first time he truly doubted his captain in ten years— to a beat of The Horse and The Infant (that’s what my friend and I hear, anyways)— which is mostly just a tool used for foreshadowing Thunder Bringer. Then, the script flips and Odysseus is in Eurylochus’ position for the Luck Runs Out melody, possibly signaling that he’s finally beginning to understand Eurylochus for the first time since the start of the story. And, instead of going back to the lyrics of Luck Runs Out, Eurylochus turns to the specific use of the word ‘suffering’.

Because Eurylochus is so vague in his instrumentals, prioritizing the crew over his own well-being and identity, the times where he does falter into other melodies, particularly ones involving Odysseus, are very loaded with implications that you can interpret— like how Odysseus uses the concept of suffering as a motivator, associating it with Penelope and her ability to make everything worth it. Eurylochus, on the other hand, associates it with his loss of the will to survive, which is why I think it follows that song’s melody too.

But even then, Eurylochus is still followed by the voices of the crew with a melody that has never been his alone because Eurylochus, as a character, is defined by what he does for other people and, since Odysseus simply cannot understand being in that position, Eury’s music reflects that.

I just find it interesting that the character with the second most screen time has little to show for it musically, and I think that’s a good thing for showing Odysseus’ inability to see things outside of his perspective (or outside of a magical perspective; as in, he can’t relate to regular men), especially given that this is a flaw Eurylochus has as well. It could’ve been really easy to give Eurylochus a bass— which is known for being paired with guitars— or maybe a specific drum and call it a day, symbolically, but Jorge chose to keep him as only the voice of the crew with one mention of a bass and snare in Luck Runs Out.

Something about that intrigues me idk

[libraryleopard]

YA contemporary coming-of-age graphic novel

When sixteen-year-old Phoebe Zito moves to a new school in Los Angeles after recently coming out as a trans girl, she's taken under the wing of popular girl girl Mackenzie, who decides to teach Phoebe how to survive and thrive as a girl in high school

Thrust into a new world of dating and social dynamics, Phoebe must figure out where her heart lays and how to stay true to herself

[boyharder]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐌 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐓 𝟏𝟏; 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐀 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐘

hi! this post has been on my mind for a very long time, and with a possible hunger games resurgence underway, i want to address the not-so savoury and digestable bits about collin's writing, including her characterizations of black individuals within the trilogy.

first of all; district 11 is described as a large district, with its population mainly being black, or at least people of color. this is shown in the movie adaptations, and the several characters we meet throughout the series.

(rue, chaff and seeder's descriptions, but thresh, too.)

(depiction of district 11's population in the movie adaptation of catching fire.)

𝐬𝐨, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦?

genuinely? the characterization of these individuals, such as chaff and thresh (both black males specifically.) the portrayal of both characters being a threat in size and combat, which is also often a microaggressive stereotype tied to black men.

(effie's reaction to the 75th's reaping & her snide comment against chaff, catching fire + thresh killing clove/sparing katniss, the hunger games.)

of course, i won't downplay thresh's kindness in his sacrifice of sparing katniss, but the display of his brutality paired with his decent & race does not look good (considering that the hunger games is written by a white woman!) and to me, will always come across as uncomfortable. even his speech makes him seem uneducated, more brawn than any brain, and that's also a heavy misconception when it comes to black men/boys/etc. i can see where suzanne tried to balance it out, but it doesn't work well in the slightest.

furthermore, we have to talk about the state of district 11 as a whole.

agriculture/farming as the role for one of the largest districts if not THE largest, seems innocent by itself. but then you have the treatment of its citizens, the way the population is worked, and the overall uneasiness of it.

(rue's experience in 11, the hunger games + katniss’ description of the district, catching fire.)

public whippings, senseless cruelty towards again, a WIDELY black populated district and their continual work on fields/in harvests all speak to remnants of slavery and pastimes taken place within the era of slavery. if suzanne collins was trying to make a point, or mock the treatment of this minority through a portrayal in her book as a white woman, she missed the mark POORLY. having the BLACK citizens, including women, children and men all working out in the fields? disgusting. beyond incomprehensible.

hoarding a minority in one district is crazy work too, because we barely hear about any other black characters minus paylor, beetee, and potentially cinna. and the fact that in katniss' eyes, 11 is treated perhaps the worst? says a lot.

𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭?

truthfully, i'm bringing awareness to my discomfort as a black teen/general black individual because this isn't just something you should brush past. you should see the treatment of these characters and condemn it. i see next to no posts about the blatant racism towards black people/poc in the hunger games and also within the fandom. this has been swept under the rug over and over and blatantly, I'm tired.

collins perpetuates the suffering of district 11 in historical and supposedly educational ways, but that doesn't make it okay for her to do so. as a white woman, collins abuses the usage of racial stereotypes with examples of district 11 men, the culture, their work, but also a wider environment than just 11, such as district 12 too (with the perpetuation of gale.)

[frozenambiguity]

After carefully considering it, I have decided to make this post a plotting call. Capping at 7!

[guinevereslancelot]

got dumped 😭💔

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

[i-eat-deodorant]

i'm sure you know this already but:

COTL ISN’T DELETING THEIR GAME.

1) in terms profit they'd pretty much shoot themselves in the foot with that decision, and as protest it's not very effective to make unity listen.

2) if they were, there would've been a much bigger announcement than a twitter tweet.

3) they confirmed they're not in both the discord and the twitter. after the deletion tweet went viral. which...ok.

4) it's probably a scare tactic to take advantage of the unity news to get more people to buy their game.

5) it probably worked.

so many people are focused on the unity issue that i don't think it's often talked about how much of a shitty pr stunt that was by the social media manager. people are fearmongering, sure, but the initial seeds were planted by that twitter post that really should've gone through some extra foresight.

hope they enjoy their extra revenue.

[vampirehizzies]

okay but for me it's the way klaus "let hayley have her fun," (read: took her on a therapeutic murder outing), followed vampire!cami around to try to tutor her in the ways of vampirism plus controlling the bloodlust, and helps hope torture someone... his love language really is just supporting the girls he cares about while they commit acts of violence and i am seated

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

oizys u should explain mouthwashing game to me alkdfjals;dkfj ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ it sounds neat but too horror-y for me 😭 but i'm getting. idk just like vague hints that you've heard about it or something <3 sooo if u want to then i could hear about it without having to experience it directly 👀

i dont know what would give you the implication ive seen it im so subtle about my enjoyment of it (lying) but yes ill be happy to provide an explanation :)

specifically what im going to do is . copy and paste the Extremely Detailed Run Through of the game that i told blink in a fit of madness, which is pretty much as close as you can get to playing/watching the game Without playing/watching it imltho

and Then since that explanation will still be kinda horror-y and may not be enjoyed by all ill put at the end of it a tl;dr section that's a more str8-forward explanation of the game with minimal horror elements explained in depth

so if u want to read the whole thing Great, if not feel free to speed scroll to the bottom and read there :) if u have any thoughts or follow up questions Please let me know i love being normal about this game

warnings for: blood, gore, mutilation, severe injury, implied assault (general and sexual), death, general Horror and Tension vibes

mouthwashing is a sci-fi horror game, set on the ship 'the tulpar' with its 5 crew members. there's curly, the captain jimmy, the co-pilot, second-in-command anya, the ship's nurse swansea, the ship's mechanic and daisuke, swansea's intern curly and jimmy are old friends, anya's about their age, swansea's an older man with a family back on earth, and daisuke is a teen/twenties smth who doesnt really know what he's doing with his life

when the game Opens u are told it's '0 days until the crash' and u get to have fun playing as a not-immediately-identified character who's running their ship into an asteroid following that scene you switch to '2 months after the crash' where you're playing as jimmy, with most of the rest of the crew sitting at a table with u and talking about whether or not to open up your cargo hold- as a delivery ship, it's against regulations, but you're stuck in the middle of space, the only thing protecting you from death in the vacuum being piles of emergency foam, and if there's food or medical supplies in there, you need them if youve any chance to survive

you learn in short order that the missing crew member- curly, your former captain now that jimmy's taken over that responsibility- was missing bc he's been in the medical ward for 2 months, devoid of his hands, feet, skin, and one eye. he was in the cockpit when the ship crashed, and it shows. if youve seen the fucked up bandaged guy assoiated with the game, surprise! that's post-crash curly

u get to Have Fun feeding him pain meds after anya asks for your help, saying she cant do it herself. this game has Wonderful sound design so. well. no one's having fun

jimmy then gets to go find a way into the cargo hold, along the way learning that the utility room is foamed up to hells and swansea isnt letting anyone else in there for the time being- the ship's cyro pods live in there, and theyre delicate, so he doesnt trust anyone else to break through the foam without a) killing them b) destroying the pods

once u break into the cargo hold, u see shelves upon shelves of cardboard boxes before the game switches gears to flash u back to 7 days before the crash

u learn ur now playing as curly, who's finishing up a psych eval with anya. he passes, huzzah! and offers to do jimmy's for anya when she mentions that he never takes it seriously, making stupid jokes that she then has to write down for the official report

before doing so, however, curly finds that daisuke has trapped himself in some foam trying to fix a utility vent that leads between the utility room and the medical room. curly gets the axe out for swansea to free daisuke with + clear the rest of the foam. luckily, no one is injured, and the pods (right next to the vent) weren't broken. swansea makes it clear that no one, especially daisuke, is to go back into that vent. it's too fucked up, it can't be fixed, you'll be cut and burned and shocked to death trying

curly takes note before leaving to do the eval with jimmy, with it going over more-normal since curly is doing it instead of anya. they then talk about their respective life positions- jimmy feels he's never going to be good enough, that he's never really gotten anywhere meaningful, and curly is torn between staying in his role as a great ship captain or trying to see if he'd be better off somewhere else, if being a captain is really what he wants to do forever

jimmy makes a comment about how curly's choosing between staying at the top of his current ladder or switching for another, but he's still got 'a long way down/to fall' either way

theyre cut off when a message from the higher ups comes in, and jimmy leaves so curly can read it privately

back to 2 months after the crash, the crew reveals what theyve been shipping: mouthwash. boxes upon boxes of mouthwash. one of them makes a comment about how this is what they wanted us crating across the stars? only mouthwash? anya notes that the mouthwash has too much sugar to be used as a disinfectant, and points out the 14% ethanol content. swansea takes this as a good sign to take a swig of the stuff to Swallow, making a comment about 15 years of sobriety down the drain

we return to 7 days before the crash, where curly has read the message from the higher ups and it is Not Good. he goes to tell the crew, only to have them all greet him with hats and balloons- surprise! happy birthday, curly

they only get one birthday celebration per trip, and they take turns each trip with whose bday they focus on, and this time it's curly. jimmy comments on how the tradition is corny, but he's kinda grown to like it, and he looks forward to the next one. curly reacts oddly before he goes to make the cake; he has to be the one to do it, bc only the captain has the rights to make sugar packets

the crew ask him to do a speech, but as he puts the cake down, they realize something's wrong. they ask what, and curly reveals the news of the note- the 'pony express' they work for is pulling the plug on them. this mouthwash expedition will be their last one- they will get paid for it, curly says, they assured me the crew

doesnt exactly take the news well

swansea said they shouldve seen it coming, pony express was the last organization to run manned delivery ships, the writing was on the wall. anya expresses that she doesnt know what to do- she doesnt have any savings. daisuke asks if they can even do this

jimmy gets more into it, pointing out Specifically how fucked they are- swansea's hardly got that many more working years in him, anya never finished nursing school and hey we all know she never will, but, yknow what, daisuke's got a rich mommy and daddy, so thank gods he'll be just fine. jimmy's got nothing waiting for him on earth, but whatever, i'll be fine, isnt that what you said, curly? that im always fine? down here on the bottom of the rungs? and of course, for curly, this is the best possible outcome! a chance to leave being a captain with none of the guilt of the choice. he wasnt even running from being a captain, just from being around them, but he has to be hero. he's always the hero. and now he's still the damn hero

curly tries to calm jimmy, jimmy slams his hands on the table, and tells him to just cut the goddamn cake

curly does so. it looks more like a stabbing motion

back to post-crash, it's the middle of the night. daisuke's asleep, anya + swansea are missing, and curly's scream-groans are echoing through the ship

jimmy goes to check on curly, finds him flailing. he needs more painkillers, but jimmy's not sure if he's had his set for the day cycle yet, so he goes to find anya. both her and swansea are found in the cockpit, talking about something. anya's not sure what to do. they cut off when jimmy appears, ask him if he's having trouble sleeping too

jimmy asks about the meds, anya says she forgot to do it. jimmy berates her for it before saying he'll take care of it- anya tries to insist she can, but jimmy ignores her to do it himself

curly flails more, pained, screaming, but he gets the meds, jimmy sees to that. theyre running low. once theyre out, jimmy muses, they wont have anything to give curly for the pain, to keep him still

still jimmy, we now enter a This Isnt Reality moment

jimmy's in the main area, the screen that simulates a sky cracked and flashing EMERGENCY on it. at the table is curly, in all his bloody bandage glory. the cake's between him and jimmy. curly- who can talk here, who cant talk in real life anymore- wants to eat the cake. jimmy says it's shitty, subpar, not worth it. curly argues that u need meh things to make the good things Good. he asks jimmy to cut it, and jimmy says he will once he finds a knife

the cake knife is in the broken cockpit, buried in the back of the captain's headrest. jimmy comes back and finds the cake is gone, now curly's on the table instead. the game glitches and cuts to 3 months post-crash before you cut anything

jimmy's in the cargo hold. the place's been lightly ransacked, some boxes open, spilling off the shelves. you need to check on the crew

daisuke's on the floor right outside the hold, sick with a mouthwash in hand. he's drunk some. jimmy says he should stop, it'll kill him-

-faster than anything, daisuke finishes. he gives the mouthwash to jimmy. he never wants to see it again

anya's at the table in the main area, staring at an unopened bottle. there's a backup medical storage area, trapped in the foam, but not That trapped. she thinks they can get to it. they need more medicine

jimmy goes to get the axe from swansea. he's wasted on mouthwash (side note, this crew's ability to survive things that usually kill over the longterm is oddly high. no offense curly and swansea, but you both should be dead well before the end of this affair) and dancing with the axe in hand

jimmy wants it? wants to risk cracking a hole in their ship's emergency foam and killing them all? be his guest- swansea buries the axe in the sky screen behind him, right in the center of the fake sun, and lets jimmy take it away

he gets to the medicine. painkillers- different type, different dose- and medicinal rubbing alcohol (pure alcohol, the inventory tells you, so strong that it could kill)

anya asks him to give the pills to curly again. jimmy breaks again, yelling at anya- can she not do her job?? doesnt she know how busy he is as captain, how much he has to do?? find the scanner, get into the cargo hold, check on the crew, get the axe, and of course, give curly his fucking pills. anya backpedals, says she can do it- but no. jimmy's been asked, jimmy's got it. he'll give curly his fucking pills (the swear is in the mission objective now!)

i get it now, jimmy tells a pained curly, about wanting to get out. being captain's hard. you have to do everything. but don't worry curly. jimmy's going to get them all through this. he's going to fix this. he gives curly his fucking medicine

we now cut to 6 hours before "judgement". jimmy's locked himself in the cockpit- outside, swansea is yelling for him, telling him he cant hide, shaking the door. jimmy rushes to the supply cabinet, finds a broken metal pipe and some rope, these can be useful

he shoves the metal pipe into the door, trying to reinforce the lock. he grabs the rope and swansea breaks through the door's window, reaching through the broken glass for the lock

3 days before the crash, anya's sitting in the main area, looking at the simulated sky. it's set for night, deep blue and silver moon. curly sits next to her. neither of them can sleep, anya says she's been having trouble for a few nights now

there's a dead pixel in the top corner, anya tells curly, if you look closely enough curly cant see it, but he says it'll haunt him. now that you've told me, anya, it'll always be in the back of my mind anya asks how much longer they have to the trip. 273 days, curly responds, just under- -8 months, anya finishes. sits for another moment. captain, why do they have a lock on the door for the medical room, but not the sleeping quarters? same reason they do the cockpit, curly replies. safety the screen glitches out on the word

post crash, 5 months. there's an emergency, daisuke tells us- anya's locked in the medical room with curly

jimmy and daisuke go to investigate, try to force the door open. jimmy asks how hard anya's tried to unstick it on her end, has she put her back into it? she's silent. jimmy asks if the door is really stuck. it isnt, she admits, and she isnt going to unlock it

jimmy says she needs to get over herself, that she needs to learn to deal with hardship. all their meds are in there. she needs to open the door

anya says that she still believes people arent as bad as their worst moment (an earlier conversation, back when we were only 2 months post crash, when jimmy was musing on why they chose to keep curly alive despite the cost, despite 'what he did'). that she believes this isnt her worst moment. they wont stop her from what she must do

jimmy, worried about curly, asks daisuke if there's any other way into the medical room. there is. it's the super duper completely off limits vent that starts in the also currently off limits utility room

to get in the utility room, they need to get past swansea. he's got the key and he's still not letting anyone in, looking miserable and ill as he sits outside the utility room door. he's not dead yet, but the mouthwash isnt exactly doing him any favours

8 hours before judgement. daisuke's on his bedroll, bloody and in agony. they need disinfectant- where's the medicinal alcohol? swansea asks (demands) jimmy tells him cocktail, and swansea curses, tells him to go look for something else. swansea goes to the medical room, door now open. you can't see the area where curly is, cant find anya; the screen glitches out in grey stripes you go the cargo hold. the stairs leading down into them are longer, longer than you remember, too long. take responsibility, take care of it. there's a monster in the cargo, and if you move when it's too close it'll get you

you find a bottle of mouthwash, not yet opened, in the hands of the ship's horse mascot polle

you take it back to daisuke. he tells you he's sorry he messed up, you tell him not to speak

it's too much sugar. you have nothing else you close your eyes and daisuke screams

5 months after the crash. you need to get past swansea. he's got a high tolerance, but it can only be so high, right? you mix a cocktail, one part mouthwash, one part medical alcohol (so strong it could kill)

swansea accepts the 'peace offering.' he hits the ground and the key falls out of his pocket. daisuke worries, will he be ok? it's fine. he has a high tolerance

you open the utility room and find that it's not filled to the brim with foam. the edges are, sure, and most of the cyro pods are ruined, but it's clear overall. there's still one pod standing

daisuke's impressed. swansea's done more work than we thought! jimmy argues he hasn't done any work, he's been lying through his teeth the entire time, hiding the remaining cyro pod as his own secret and excuse to keep welding the axe. only one of them can survive, and swansea's setting it up to be him

daisuke isnt convinced, says they should wait to ask swansea about it. jimmy says theyll deal with him later. for now- the vent

it's still a danger, electricity sparking from a loose wire. daisuke's not convinced this is a good idea. sure, swansea may have been lying about the utility room being foamed out, but he was really serious about this vent. maybe they shouldnt go in

jimmy reminds him this is there only way in, to anya, to curly. daisuke has to go in- he'll be fine, and then, swansea will be so proud of him. he'll have done so well. he'll have done good.... under captain's orders

daisuke folds. he's going to do it. he climbs into the vent. you listen to him clunk through, shuffle over the metal- a pained sound, a groan, and then he's into the medical room. oh, anya, what did you do?

it's 1 day before the crash now. your objective is to find the gun

it's not in the medical room, not in the main area. you go to the cockpit, where it should be, and find anya, kneeling on the floor, distraught. as the nurse, she gave all the psych evals, but no one gave her one. you shouldve. you should have done a lot of things

you'll take care of this, you promise her, you'll get this all figured out. it doesnt have to go on the report logs. where's the gun?

anya tells curly she's pregnant. he asks who.

captain, anya says, i told you.

curly asks for the gun again, says he'll talk to him, he's known him a long time, but he needs the gun back

she reminds him that only the captain can open the case, that she doesnt really have the gun, just the case holding it, hidden away. the bylaws wont let you arm her with it against him, but she wont let it fall into his hands

6 hours before judgement. jimmy cant get daisuke's bleeding to stop. swansea's kneeling next to the kid. he's got the axe again

he talks to daisuke, for a bit. about how he hadnt been able to do anything right, about how swansea didnt know why he had come to the ship in the first place. about how he was just a kid trying to figure everything out. about how he was still always Trying. always wanting to Learn. useless ray of goddamn sunshine. you couldve taught an old fool like me a lot. close your eyes, daisuke

swansea raises his axe and strikes the center of the sun

jimmy starts arguing with swansea, angry, why'd he do that? didnt he see jimmy was fixing it, that he just needed time? why will no one on this damn ship give him any time?

swansea says he's done with jimmy's trying to 'fix' everything, that there was no more hope for any of them, that he was sparing daisuke from spending another second with jimmy and his delusions

jimmy accuses swansea of less selfless motivations, tells him that he knows about the utility room, the one remaining cyro pod- swansea's planning to try and be the last one standing, isnt he? 20 years in a cyro chamber is a better chance than the months theyve got on the ship before food runs out

swansea laughs at him. he doesnt want the cyro chamber. he's got everything he needs right there on the ship. does jimmy want it? he's welcome to it - he can tell whatever story he wants when the rescue crews finally find him. he can be the hero. curly and the rest of them'll take the blame. jimmy can be the hero

jimmy brushes him off, goes to the medical room. anya's on the floor, vomit on her chest and three bottles scattered around her slumped over form. curly, still alive, watches you with one eye as you pry open her hidden drawer and find the gun case. you can open it. you're captain now

you go to the medical door. open it up to find swansea running at you, full tilt, axe raised over his head. you slam the door shut

curly laughs at you. as you open the case, get the gun, find swansea running at you. bloody hunk of meat and he's laugh-crying at you

0 days before the crash. anya's in the medical room, on her knees. she told jimmy. curly says he wishes she wouldve waited for him. it doesnt matter. jimmy didnt take the news well, stormed off. curly goes to follow him. he can fix this. he'll fix this

jimmy's outside the utility room. i can fix this, curly tells him. you'll get through this

it's not just me though, is it? jimmy points out. it's your ship, captain. your responsibility (take responsibility, take care of it). that'll follow you around for the rest of your life

or they'll just see it as your best attempt. a tragedy, despite its impeccable captain's supposed best efforts. no survivors to tell the tale

for a moment, the first moment, you cut out of both jimmy and curly's bodies. you watch jimmy put his hand on curly's arm. take care of it, take care of it, take care of it, kills 99.9%-

jimmy says he'll take care of it, and he walks away

moments later, the ship is crashing, jimmy sitting outside of the cockpit. tell me you didn't-? no response. you pry open the doors to the cockpit, rush in headfirst. you'll fix it. you will fix it, even as fire consumes your vision

1 hour before judgement. you've got curly in your arms now. you walk him out to the main area- surprise! happy birthday jimmy

the crew's seated at the table again; anya with her vomit-covered chest, daisuke with a bloody line through his face, swansea with a bullet through his forehead. jimmy places curly on the table. theyre all celebrating him, begging him for a speech. you pick up the knife

for some people, it's enough just to put food on the table. but not for curly. he needs more. you've always needed more, curly, but that's alright. i still believe in you. even like this

a view from above shows the crew slumped over and unmoving. a view from jimmy's eyes show them sitting up, breathing, smiling. swansea's drinking more mouthwash

you cut through the cake with a stabbing motion, a sawing motion, dropping a slab on each member's plate. the cake sits. curly stares. both his legs are shorter than they were before the crash, but one even more so now. feast

you're in the vents now. take responsibility. there's no going back now. you turn around and something- a face- in the darkness- you're facing the vent again. there's no going back now

you crawl, backwards, through the vents. a bloody note reads responsibility and you crawl from it the fastest. axes line the vents. now flowers, hibiscuses, bright pink like the one's on daisuke's shirt

you tie up swansea. you can still fix this, you tell him. you'll fix this

swansea tells a story. how he used to be a drunkard, always down the bottle, until one day he looked in the mirror and scared himself, saw a bloated body in a ditch if he didnt straighten out. he got sober, got a job, a mortgage, a collared shirt. a wife, kids. none of his achievements ever felt as good as he wanted them too. those days, lost to the bottle, living on the edge- they were some of the best he ever had

if i couldve done one thing right, he tells you, i wouldve saved that kid. that would have been worth it. that would have meant something

jimmy says he can fix this. swansea tells him to fuck off. jimmy fires his gun

you walk through the endless halls of the ship. the walls are sporting eyes, and all of them are watching you. curly's eye, eyes. watching you. you crawl out of his throat and find him where you bolted him into the ship, half machine, surrounded by tvs

you go to the tv, watch a cartoon. it's mother goose's birthday. you grab the cake and pull out a slice of curly's leg. he'll thank you one day. you twist the knobs until the cake goes down a treat, until he can't spit it back up. he'll thank you one day

there's flesh in the ship and it's beating, bleating, horses like fetuses in the warmth. the blob blinks filmy eyes out at you and screams

polle's talking to you now. backdrop of the cargo hold. backdrop of the skyscreen, set to night. poor you, polle coos in false sympathy, caged and unbelieved

i tried my best! jimmy argues, me and curly both did. but curly's the better man

why are you still so concerned with him?

jimmy carries curly to the utility room. puts him in the pod. closes the door

we're curly again, watching our old friend through the glass

i wanted to help you, but all i did was hurt you. but you're safe now. no one can harm you now. together we can fix anything, right? we fixed it. i.... i fixed it

jimmy walks out of sight. you hear a gunshot. a moment of panic, blind- did he forget? did he leave you here, trapped, alone-

and the cyro kicks in, blue and cool, as the credits roll through your vision

TL;DR RECAPPING

mouthwashing is about a cargo ship crew stuck in space after their ship was purposefully crashed by one of their own. you take turns playing the game 'before the crash' as curly, the official captain, and playing 'after the crash' as jimmy, the co-pilot and unofficial captain once curly is severely injured by the crash. other characters are anya, the ship's nurse, swansea, the ship's mechanic, daisuke, swansea's intern, and polle, the ship's mascot who is only alive in some nightmares

throughout the game you learn that, while he's convinced the others it was curly, jimmy crashed the ship in a fit of desperation after learning that anya- whom he assaulted- was pregnant. the child was evidence he wouldnt be able to hide when they reached their destination, so... why not crash the ship and doom everyone!

the game gets its name from the fact that the only thing the crew was hauling turns out to be mouthwashing, which swansea uses to get drunk, but otherwise isnt very helpful. many good symbolic/metaphorical implications contained in it though!

by the end of the game, all characters end up dead, save for curly. anya commits suicide with pills, swansea mercy kills daisuke after jimmy goaded him into doing something stupid that got him seriously injured, swansea gets shot when going after jimmy, and jimmy kills himself with gunshot after putting curly in a cyropod. it's possible curly wont survive too, but he's the only crew member with a chance at it

the game has Many themes and concepts and such but some of the most important to take away are:

responsibility and complicity. jimmy and curly are the two player characters for a reason; they're parallels to each other. jimmy is the primary/direct cause for most of what goes wrong, but he wouldn't have been able to do everything he did if curly had done his job and stopped him. curly's complicity in jimmy's crimes are what ultimately doom himself and the entire ship. jimmy does everything, curly does nothing, and they are both to blame

the rampant effects of misogyny, in the workplace and general, and how even in issues that are All about them, women are often excluded from their own narratives. mouthwashing is driven by the injustice anya faces at both jimmy and curly's hands, in how jimmy treats her and in how curly refuses to see what jimmy's done because He's An Old Friend, He Wouldn't Do That, Right? yet, despite this, anya is often strikingly absent from the story, especially in jimmy's hallucinations. he's willing to accept the blame, the responsibility for everything... but not anya. he begs forgiveness for wronging curly, but he never even thinks of it for anya. in a story so largely controlled by the mistreatment she faces and everything she tries to do to combat it, anya is constantly sidelined. this is purposeful. this is unreliable narrator at their finest

turning the blind eye eventually comes back to hurt everyone, especially the ones who looked away the hardest. curly does nothing to help anya, only to end up in a position where he's the one entirely at jimmy's violent mercy. see the previously mentioned points

and there is So Much More but those are some base points u can carry away with u whether u read the full debrief or just the tldr :) hope you enjoyed . i am mentally well (lying)

[tallest-tiptoes]

as far as finals go, this one wasn’t half bad. the action parts were done pretty well. it’s nice that we got to see carina delivering one last baby on the show (in a firefighter suit no less). the joy that was radiating from her whenever she thought about being pregnant and her sharing this happiness with maya after she told her the news was everything after all they’ve been through these past two/three years.

personally, i prefer tv shows to end without substantial flash forwards as i find it gives a certain finality to the ending that i’d rather not have and it more often than not feels unearned. so, to me, everything that happened in the timeline after vic and travis had left is only a suggestion. (also the haircuts were so incredibly bad that it can’t possibly be real)

my feelings towards this show are weird and complex. i love it but i also hate it. i’ll miss it but i also won’t. it all comes down to station 19 having many high highs but just as many low lows. and yet, there was always something that had me coming back to the show, and i’m glad i did.

so long, 19.

[futuristichedge]

The Silver all quotes/lines document has been updated! There are now filters and a drop-down that colors based on what you're interested in (to avoid visual color clutter). The filter and drop-down should be usable if you make a copy, since this link is to the most up to date document and I don't want it to be edited/messed with ^^;;

If you'd like to mess around with filters, here's a link that prompts you to make your own copy! You can then click buttons to see the colors change :)

I will continue to add text from all the games first since that is... easier than digging into each issue of Archie and IDW...