#but I just can’t stand them anymore
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First love
I hate how much I loved you and how partially I still do.
I hate that you never felt the same way.
I hate that you used my love for you to string me along for months and to treat me like less than what I deserved.
I hate that you made me feel desired for the first time and then you ripped everything away from me.
You made me feel loved and understood for a brief period of time, and then you turned out just like everyone else who hurt me.
You refused to listen, to empathise with me, you refused to see me.
It was always all about you.
When it came the time that it should’ve been about me, suddenly it was too much, suddenly you wanted someone else.
I would never have been enough for you, yet you tried to convince me it was all in my head when I was feeling insecure.
I hate you for what you did to me and for how you treated me. But most of all I hate how you made me love you. How you insisted that I should trust you, that I should love you, only to prove to me a few months later that I shouldn’t have.
You never treated me the way that I deserve to be treated. And you blamed me for it.
I still thought after all this time that if you came by and apologised to me in the correct way and changed your behaviour maybe I would’ve taken you back. Or maybe you could’ve just gained the pleasure to know me once again.
Now I’m not so sure if I’m willing to be so kind to you.
You weren’t to me.
Goodbye.
#trying to move on after almost a year since the breakup#we were together on and off for basically a year and a half#even though officially we dated only for a few months#lmao#I am just so tired of waiting#so so tired#finally unfollowed them#I kinda feel guilty lmao#but I just can’t stand them anymore#I can’t#breakup#heartbreak#writing#vent#relationship trauma#ok to reblog
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[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]
I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.
Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.
Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.
I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.
On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.
These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#rottmnt leo#rise leo#honorable mention to the time Leo desperately tried throwing himself into harm’s way to get to Karai#and Raph is the one who has to pull him back#I also think that it’s interesting how both of them go about self sacrifice#because wow they both have problems with it#Raph’s tends to be immediate reactions not even thinking as he throws himself over his bros#Leo’s are often shown to be ‘for the greater good’ (said greater good often being his family)#once again I am saying that post movie these two would likely have codependency issues#considering Raph’s already present acute seperation anxiety and Leo’s immediate memory of Raph standing over him bleeding#another thing to mention is how Future Leo’s actual death still falls into the whole ‘morbidly lighthearted words’ category#I also wanna point out that in Many Unhappy Returns the trust that Leo wants so much does NOT come from Splinter but from RAPH#side note but in regard to the fighting that Raph and Leo were up to during the time between the shredder and the krang#I think it’s interesting that it’s NOT depicted as screaming matches - very blatantly not this actually#also also! I totally love how the movie parallels Oroku Saki and Karai with Raph and Leo respectively#there are so many parallels in general in this show+movie it makes me froth at the mouth#and because it breaks my heart - the beginning of the movie had Raph getting angry at Leo and lashing out at him#the end of the movie has the Krang very very angry at Leo and lashing out at him#both of these times has Leo ‘ruining’ a mission so…bad parallels#in the movie as well there’s a Krangified Raph who beats Leo senseless#so I have to wonder if Raph and Leo just…can’t roughhouse anymore#else Leo would flinch or Raph would be so scared to accidentally hurt Leo like he was already used to do before#then suddenly their usual dynamic of Raph never having to be softer with Leo is thrown on its head#worse is if they’re so terrified of this dynamic leaving that they power through their own sufferings to maintain it
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save me
#nova knicks#i actually can’t stand them#nova knicks worms are eating my brain i literally#i can’t function#Anymore#WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GUYS THAT THAT HAVE TO PUT THEIR HEADS ON EACH OTHERS CHEST!!!!!!#nba players being gay and in love fork found in kitchen ATP#josh and donte just form a tent over jalen#they need to protect him from The Horrors tm#(tj mcconnell)#🩷
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I AM GIRLS. I SAY I WONT WATCH IT BUT I KNOW I WILL AND YALL WILL ABSOLUTELY CATCH ME BAWLING LIKE A BABY. And I don’t wanna hear anything about it. I will always defend my girl May, she will spend the rest of her life making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chocolate chunk cookies for her baby boy because that’s what he liked to eat after school! Crying over May Castellan always actually…
#may castellan#luke castellan#percy jackon and the olympians#i could lose luke tbh but man i just wanna give May a big ole hug#May deserved better than to go crazy I WILL ALWAYS STAND BY THIS#I’m gonna take all her dishes and trade them for her therapy so she can’t bake or make sandwiches anymore#“Percy Jackson tv show
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au where scar is the royal guard assigned to keep prince grian safe as he travels to a neighbouring kingdom for a peace treaty but they get ambushed and have to survive in nature until they can get to civilization <3
#and scar teaches grian how to sword fight to protect himself and maybe he lets grian win a couple times because grian is so beautiful when#he’s happy and scar teaches him how to shoot an arrow so they can hunt for food and grian literally cannot focus because scars arms are#wrapped around him and he’s whispering in grian’s ear and grian reboots when after he lets go of the arrow.. scar drops his hands to grian’#waist…. and grian teaches scar which plants are poisonous vs safe to eat and he loses his train of thought a million times because scar#keeps just looking at his lips and grian just can’t stand it anymore when scar licks his lips… so he interrupts himself and places a kiss#on the corner of scars mouth and scar just kinda pauses and grian thinks maybe he read the situation wrong until scar cups grains face and#brings him back in and it’s so perfect and everything they’ve ever wanted and and and#sorry i’m thinking about them#okay i’ll shut up now <3#actually no i won’t because this is my post. they have to dress each others wounds and they do it far more gently than they need to <3#scarian#desert duo#hermitshipping#grian#gtws#hermitcraft#trafficshipping#au concept#royalty au
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I feel like at this point I’m just following the Batfam tag just to find comics readers arguing in the egregiously OOC posts.
#personal#maybe I’ll join them#i try not to#I’ll argue with people who I think are just plain wrong#but i won’t fight canon vs fanon#anti tim drake#still can’t stand this mf#people will argue to hell and back to justify their characterization of him#and none of it matters because they’re still wrong#I did not read through his 90s run for people to tell me he’s a uwu sad boy#istg sometimes I feel like y’all are just projecting Harry Potter onto Tim because you can’t morally like HP anymore
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I guess my point about Crosshair likely being a rule-follower as a kid was that I think people should look into more than just stock character traits they’re subconsciously applying based on characters from other media who might have similar roles in the narrative but aren’t actually the same person. I think they’d find better/more accurate characterizations and depth that would end up making their derivative work stronger and more creative. The same character trait can be applied to multiple different character types and still make them different when combined with their other traits. It’s like using the same ingredient in different dishes for a different flavor profile.
Crosshair being an initial antagonist and the ‘‘bad boy’’ (a stock character type he distinctly isn’t btw) of the group doesn’t automatically make him a rebellious tortured soul as a kid. What happens when you work backwards from a canonically lawful neutral/evil character instead of an imagined chaotic good character based on an amalgamation of other bad guys turned good? People with his abrasive personality aren’t all the product of a cool, defiant, plucky rebellious childhood where they were punished for their difficult personality (however you interpret that) or for acting out. Not every character is Zuko.
Crosshair’s a soldier brought up in a military family who was designed to be/told he was special, who ended up ACTUALLY being uniquely gifted in his area of expertise, who believes in law and order because that’s what a good soldier (the thing he literally exists to be) does and this law and order is what life and structure has always operated from. You do what you’re told because you follow the chain of command because you’re part of something bigger that ALSO happens to be the majority opinion/authority at work in a war you’ve been fighting for three years.
You know what Crosshair was post-Order 66? He was an MP. He voluntarily became a military cop. He was also given jurisdiction and orders to be judge, jury, and executioner against people he believed betrayed what they knew to be the law. He executed civilians in the name of a fascist empire. To him there needed to be consequences for (perceived) treason, no questions asked.
And guess what? Forcing that character to go through a grueling and significant character arc is a lot more dynamic to watch than somebody who was only like that as an adult because he had a tragic past being mistreated as a kid for acting out. I’m not saying the clones had a GOOD childhood or upbringing, they WERE specifically created to be unnecessary cannon fodder and were technically slaves/“government property” and they were brain-washed to an extent, but this specific experience— that of coming from a rebellious childhood where he was beaten down and forced to behave— is one I see applied to him about 95% of the time when it just doesn’t quite add up that way to me.
Isn’t it more interesting to see someone who always followed the rules, who always did the ‘‘right’’ thing and excelled at following orders without question… start to question things? Isn’t it more compelling to see somebody lose faith in everything they thought they knew and be forced to go through awful and tragic circumstances outside of his control that are the specific result of the structure he relied on turning its back on him and everyone like him? To find out he’s just as meaningless to them as a regular clone was, that he really never did mean anything to the powers that be? That he was always considered expendable and replaceable? That his death would be inconsequential to them, now that they’ve moved on to other interests?
That creates genuine inner and outer conflict, and he’s not immediately rewarded when he starts to change, which is a good thing because it means that the gradual change is a solid one based on choices he’s going to stick to, not just abandon when the going gets tough. Crosshair was a legitimately bad person, but he’s also more complicated than a lot of children’s shows get into with character development, and then he starts to shift. They say leopards can’t change their spots, but one of the defining characteristics of us as humans is our adaptability and ability to make choices contrary to what we were like before. That’s one of the biggest themes of Star Wars.
So… Yeah. There’s more than one way to write a bad person and you don’t have to justify them or make them sympathetic with a stereotypical disobedient or rebellious youth that had to be forced into the mold he exhibits as an adult. You don’t have to be a Martin Prince-esque hall monitor and goody-two-shoes to be somebody who did what they were told when they were told. Sometimes someone is just a soldier.
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And listen I’m aware fic and art is a hobby for most, we’re not getting paid for this and I’m not demanding to be catered to, nobody owes me anything, it’d just be nice to see more of the actual meat of a character and not have to make what I want to see myself so much of the time
#abuse mention#Crosshair#The Bad batch#character analysis#I use ‘‘bad boy’’ in HEAVY air quotes because. well that’s just not the kind of antagonist/character he is#Not every guy with a toothpick is that cool Jud Nelson guy of the group. He was a bad person AND he was a crappy person#There were consequences for him making the wrong decisions though and there were consequences for him just being mean 🤷♂️#I’m not a Crosshair stan he’s just the easiest example one to make an example of atm#I can’t stand his voice or character design but they wrote an interesting /character/#Fun fact: The US military classifies their soldiers government property#You’re not a person anymore. You’re a soldier.#Also fun fact: it’s possible to get in trouble for getting a sunburn or a hickey or equivalent#because it’s considered ‘Damaging government property.’ That is 100% truth.#Anyway them being called ‘property’ was never surprising to me. They were bought and paid for.#writing
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Sometimes I wish I had more people interested in my creations, but then I get hit by thoughts like “Imagine the outrage you’d be faced with if your Avatar Suiren AU was more popular. This is the fandom that still cannot ‘forgive’ Korra for SOMETHING THAT WAS DONE TO HER, calling her the worst Avatar for losing the connection to her past lives (which came about because she HAD RAAVA LITERALLY RIPPED OUR OF HER) and acting like that is somehow a worse offence than, say, inaction leading to genocide. The hate you’d get for intentionally making Suiren the last Avatar would be IMMEASURABLE” and go “… actually, I’m glad that for the most part it’s just @katkastrofa and I–”
(Though then again… would it even be an AU by yours truly if it didn’t contain at least one cancellable offence? 😁)
#don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong#also Suiren is even less like Aang than Korra is. she wouldn’t stand a chance in this fandom#everyone knows most people in this fandom can’t handle angry brown girls#and Suiren is honestly on a whole different level#so yeah#I’m glad it’s not a well known thing#but her biggest offence would of course be letting go of Raava#and thus also losing the connection to her past lives and ending the Avatar cycle#her next incarnation will not be the Avatar. they’ll be just a normal EK kid#and that is the biggest crime an Avatar could ever commit#deciding to spare future generations of the burden#the Avatar should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one person#and every Avatar we know of was stuck in an endless cycle of fixing their predecessors’ mistakes#nobody deserves that. especially not a child. and the Avatars ARE discovered as children for the most part#even at 16 like Roku Kyoshi and Kuruk is still way too young for having the fate of the world on your shoulders#I’d argue any age is too young#the world can’t depend on one person to solve their problems#the avatar is ultimately human. they make mistakes. they’re biased. they can be corrupted#and not a single generation goes by without at least one world-scale threat. nothing any avatar does is every enough. it’s a thankless job#no era of peace has ever lasted long. that has to be something worked for by the world at large#ending the cycle is the correct move because then the world will not be looking to the Avatar for every issue#and will actually start sorting shit out themselves. that’s my (very correct) view of it. at least#but again. this fandom will not be able to handle that. because they care about a bunch of long dead ghosts more than living characters#I’m sorry but sparing at least one kid of the trauma that comes with being the Avatar makes losing the past lives connection worth it#to me at least. and it’s not like breaking the connection erases them from ever existing like Greater Lord Rukkhadevata. they’re remembered#just can’t be accessed anymore. and that’s okay. they deserve to rest#(forgive me for the Genshin Impact reference it was the only thing I could think of. it was a brief phase I don’t play it anymore)#anyway. idk where this rant/meta just came from. I apparently have A Lot of thoughts about this AU that aren’t limited to Kuviren smut lmao#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness
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I’m not rooting for Candace Owens just because she spoke out about israel and Zionists, man.
#fuck that bitch#spent over a decade dancing like a monkey for white people but now she’s trying to low key rebrand because she can’t make money off of#brain dead white people anymore#the funny thing is wp don’t stand on shit like#I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw liberals trying to stand by her side and accept her now#nvm i actually did see some 🤪#like just as long as she says things that they personally believe in then they’re fine despite the antiblackness and other shenanigans lol#it’s crazy#rambling#she’s trying to pull a Stacey dash from what it seems#twitter liberals are lifting her up just because she said that she refuses to spread islamphobic rhetoric but… um#what about all of the shit shes been saying about black people for years 🧍🏾♀️?#wp and nb liberals are so unserious bro#she was an obvious grifter#grifters don’t believe every little thing they say. they just have to say it though#and make it sound as convincing as possible so that gullible people will continue to throw their money at them#just as long as the grifters are reaffirming these stupid people beliefs the money will continue to roll in regardless of how insane they#might sound#as for that nigga Alex jones… yeahhhh. He 100% believes all of that shit 😭
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it’s absolutely insane to me how my twitter timeline i see a tweet talking about the super bowl and then right after a tweet about people were carpet bombed im rafah like… i’m so angry that i genuinely have no words this is the world we live in i guess
#i have no words anymore#i’m just fuel with anger i’ve been waking up every morning#to more bombings more people dying and being slaughtered#there’s no guarantee there will be a ceasefire soon#our governments don’t hold isnotreal accountable#some of them are even financing the genocide#and somehow all some people care abt is a stupid american football game#where it was basically a zionist convention#like i can’t lose hope bc i am not allowed#but yesterday/today was one of those days where i was flabbergasted by how#people have no shame no one has any shame at all#people are dying and no one fucking cares it’s honestly wild to me#but i hope someday when palestine is eventually free#all you have is unmeasurable amounts of shame#bc you didn’t stand with palestinians and you didn’t care#being in the wrong side of history should haunt you forever for all i care#i’m tired#tris.txt
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as for the rest of the ep…
Chalynn truthers we won. we fucking won 🍾🍾🍾
Lois trying to talk Ned into making peace w/ Michael and Drew sounds REAL funny knowing that drew and Michael r still planning on pushing him out of ELQ again. fuck those two forever actually, y’all can make peace in hell
speaking of drewfus, I wish I could be glad he’s leaving but it’s not for very long and crew is gonna be annoying abt it I’m sure. this version of drew is such a shell of himself that anytime hes brought up I just feel disgusted 😖
I’m getting tired of Sonny bringing up Carly when talking to nina it just feels WEIRD… I really don’t wanna see a Carson reunion but it’s starting to feel like the pikeman/cyrus bs might end up being the catalyst for one… sonaritas should we be worried. 😟
also Tolly agreeing to use krissy as the surrogate… wasn’t there literally a whole argument against doing this months back that resulted in tolly icing krissy out for several weeks…? once again I must assert this whole surrogate storyline is a load of barnacles
#pentababbles#general hospital#I’m happy abt the proposal :) but I also feel like they kinda did this so they could be married b4 Gregory croaks#still! taking my wins where I can! their scenes today were sweet and I liked it 👍#i know ned has beef w/ nina over the SEC thing but. once he finds out Michael knew and STILL tried to push him out of ELQ#nina should be the least of his worries. since let’s face it drew earned that prison sentence 😅 and it’s not a crime to report a crime!#the bensons r just mad they had to face even the mildest of consequences for their actions tbh#drew goin to Australia tho like. take joss and Carly w/ u I don’t wanna see them again either#have joss spend time w/ her Aussie father or something I just can’t take her anymore#also the fact that he’s leaving for Christmas so Michael doesn’t have to… bro I hate him so much#bro you just got out of PRISON how about you spend time with your DAUGHTER that you PROMISED to be there for you ASSHOLE#and with drew going away… PLEASE I don’t want a Carson retread please please please#like I find crew annoying and meaningless but at least they’re over in their own corner. but I was actually starting to like Sonny#a Carson retread is just gonna make him suck again 😞#cannot stand the surrogate storyline and tolly is nothing to me anymore but w/e I can deal with it.#however if they really are setting up the surrogate arc to be an angst backdrop for kraze… burned-lariat go get them royalty checks I stg 🤣#but yea that’s my thoughts! story feels discombobulated as ever but we soldier on iguess
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*through gritted teeth* ppl can ship whatever they want and it’s fine it doesn’t affect you ppl can ship whatever they want and it’s fine it doesn’t affect you ppl can ship whatever they want and it’s fine it doesn’t affect you people can—
#I need to stop seeing douma/akaza stuff like. now.#I’ve tried okay I’ve tried to even mildly like it and nope#I can’t do it. I cannot do it whatsoever#I JUST DONT GET IT I DONT GET IT I DONT GET ITTTTTTTR#I know it’s my thing where I viscerally dislike ships that are based on two characters#who are on the same side but STILL fucking hate each other#because literally no matter what it just feels so weird and forced to me#like they are on the same side. they have similar morals already. if they were gonna like each other AT ALL… they would#but yeah no I’m hffjdjdksk I can’t do that one anymore#and it used to be such a rare pair so it was really easy to avoid and now I’m seeing A LOT more of it and it’s getting more difficult#and I dunno part of it is the idea of shipping douma with ANYONE#like I can’t stand him being shipped with shinobu kanae or kotoha either#his canon interactions with them have just tainted it sooooo much for me#and like yeah rocks at glass houses I’m aware I’m the enemies to lovers weirdo who ships characters who keep trying to kill each other#but mannnnnn something about the idea of shipping a guy who terrified a woman so wholly she threw her baby off a cliff because that was a#better alternative to him getting his hands on her child? yeeeeaaaaahhhhh… it’s not gonna be for me folks#it is NOT a kind of power dynamic I am gonna enjoy when it’s that particular angle#the context of their relationship cannot be that removed to me#it’s just one of my person nope. can’t fucking do it don’t fucking like it kinda makes my skin crawl things#which in a way is unfortunate#cuz I actually do enjoy douma as a character a lot and I can enjoy certain explorations of him#where he actually DOES learn to be in tune with his emotions again and learn to care for someone#but I rarely see it done well#and when I see ANY of that so called ‘development’ linked to any of these ships#it’s usually just akaza or Kotoha or shinobu getting over their hatred/fear of him in way too fast and highly unrealistic ways#while douma does very little to actually develop himself he just kinda is Automatically better because someone loved him back#(in a way that’s usually out of character for everyone involved lol)#esp when any of these ships are showcased in a REALLY cutesy way like again it’s just not for me#I don’t think I can ever really jive with it#oh well. I should just block some more tags I just needed to complain a bit first lol
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MY LIFE IS NOT REAL WHAT IS GOING ON
#GUYS#so for context before i get into the storytime i currently live at home with my mom and brother#and my mom came into my room at like 10:30 and said ‘i need you to go downstairs and be the adult right now because i can’t deal with this’#(my mom is 54 and i’m 20 but sure i’ll be the adult???)#so basically. my brother (13) gave our fucking address to some random person on discord who claims to be 11 but who the fuck knows#keep in mind my brother was born in 2011 so he’s grown up with the internet his whole life#and he’s been told countless times by my entire family not to give out personal information online but he has done it multiple times#anyway he says he and his friends from school have been talking to this ‘kid’ on discord for like a year#and none of them know him irl bc he lives in rhode island or something but they’ve apparently been on video calls with him and seen his face#so there’s a good chance he actually is a kid but i personally don’t trust anything online anymore so i’m not totally convinced#but anyway he apparently sent my brother what looked like a youtube link but when he clicked on it it gave this kid his ip address#i have no idea how that shit works or if that’s possible but that’s what he’s saying#and then my brother was arguing with this kid bc i guess he’s racist?? and the kid was like ‘just remember i have your address’#and my brother is being super vague about everything but i guess the kid implied he was going to send a swat team to our house or some shit#so my brother freaked out and called the cops and since my mom wanted me to be the adult i had to go sit downstairs and wait for them#and let me tell you it was so fucking embarrassing standing there while my brother told the cop this insane story#and while my brother was inside getting his phone the cop asked me ‘so what’s the deal do you think this is legit or just kids talking shit’#like bro don’t ask me i have no idea what the fuck is going on and i’m so sorry you had to come to our house to deal with this 😭#anyway he’s going to file a report so if the cops get a call anytime soon about a murder or something happening at our house—#—they’ll call me or my mom to ask what’s going on and make sure it’s not this fucking kid from rhode island swatting us#so that was my night! what the fuck#i’ve never regretted moving back home more than i do right now#lj.txt
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alright y’all just reread my post from last. ugh cause matt just said this again and i’m tired
#bb25#i can’t do this anymore#he said other stuff about america losing interest once she got into the real world#and that she likes one night stands and cory doesn’t so good luck with that#i know not everyone in the tag likes them that’s ok it’s just weird how much he brings up their relationship
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The way I had every intention to be productive this weekend and did none of it bc I know I’m in for some shit the minute I walk into that stupid office
#I finished the t-shirt design for HR lady right and she came in twice about it (could’ve been an email truly)#then when she DID said an email she just forgot that we fully did discuss putting the gross 75th anni. Logo on it#so her email was just that#and I did forget to respond to the email- like I skimmed it and then went ‘we talked about this’ but I’m not allowed to be a smart ass over#email anymore because when sales reps were being especially rude and disrespectful to my coworker and I#I’d waste no time to put them in their place#it took two fucking years of complaining for them to not treat us like shit and to give us deadline that aren’t same day/next day#like two years of me forcing my bosses hand to actually stand up for us for him to tell them to back off#I stopped dealing with it#my coworker does now bc I can’t be bothered to argue with assholes anymore#anyway yeah I- I truly do not check my email often so by the time EOD rolled around I wasn’t checking#but I know HR lady will be in my inbox bright and early :/#but on the bright side I’ll have the art room to myself Monday+Tuesday bc my coworker is leaving~~~~~#so I’m gonna try and be productive Monday so I can rest and relax at my desk Tuesday#then pretend I’ve been productive when I meet with my gross awful boss Wednesday morning#ugh#I need a new job bad#I hate this one#it’s fine but god is it boring and not creative at all#I love graphic design I do I really do but when it’s just sign making with pre-made templates it’s soooo fucking boring#So this weekend I just got high and yesterday a lil tipsy to feel a lil crossfade#I truly haven’t done shit bc if I think about Monday I’ll scream#personal
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i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face to leave my head. i want his face-
#bpd vent#like he has a very pretty face but it’s haunting me#maybe he’s too pretty#maybe he’s too him#maybe i love him but what if my love is just painted hate#i love his face but i can’t go on like this#i am screaming for help and i’ll never receive it#i wonder if he meant to do it#i feel bad about this like so so so so bad#he’s gone he’s gone he’s gone he’s gone#i just want to be abandoned in the way where i can just get over it#please g-d create abandonment that you can get over because my body cannot anymore#i’m not healthy like this i’m never going to be healthy again#i’m freaking the fuck out#this is not fun at all#this may be the end guys and i don’t mean in a suicide way#fps are horrid i can’t stand loving someone like that#it looks pretty though#it’s excruciating though i can’t take the attachment anymore#fucking men i hate them so much but i love them more than anything#i can’t even begin to explain#what is wrong with me and what is wrong with the men i need to survive#what if i never obsess over anyone again#what if i don’t get to be as much as i used to be#is there anything left to me anymore#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR#FUCK THIS#WHAT THE FUCK#AAAAAAQQQAWAA
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