#but I have to try or else I stand no chance of improving bc being social is a skill and it’s only atrophied for me since high school

[8-birdparagon]

I know that everybody moves through life at different speeds and “comparison is the thief of joy” and all that, but scrolling through the social media of people I knew in high school and seeing that several of them are just straight up married now bestows upon me a very distinct feeling of missing out

[milfgyuu]

Lowlifes [M] Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x Fem!Reader Tags: 11.5k, f2l, smut, fluff, humor, foundfamily, gang?au, 18+ Summary: Seungcheol grows tired of watching you fool around with a string of loser boyfriends and steps in when an ex shows up somewhere he's not welcome which unravels years of feelings lost in translation. Warnings: SMUT 18+, MINORS DNI!! mxf unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, lots of making out both in public and private, lots of touching, holding, soft manhandling, language, physical violence, mentions of injuries, broken bones, etc. not super detailed but very much implied they are in an illegal crime crew/gang/ring whatever. people are drinking in the bar and getting lit bc it's big dawg dk's bday ok. i think that covers it.

Seungcheol knows he should mind his business and he’s well aware that you can handle your own problems because you take great pleasure in reminding him of your capabilities.

That doesn’t mean he’s not watching out of the corner of his eye as you’re pacing back and forth at the far end of the bar. Your phone is glued to your ear and you’re obviously upset, throwing your free hand in the air with a string of expletives falling from your lips so clearly that he doesn’t have to hear you to make them out. It’s obvious who’s on the other end of that call and just knowing you’re still speaking to your ex irks his nerves.

He drinks down the remainder of his beer as he continues monitoring from a distance, running the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip with thinly veiled irritation. 

When you hang up the phone, mid-sentence, it takes everything in you not to turn and drive your fist through the wall. All the pretty promises and apologies…you knew they were empty. You knew he would disappoint you yet again. You’re more angry with yourself for being stupid enough to hope he’d come through for once but instead of being here with you and your friends, trying to work shit out, he’s running with his new crew. 

Things were always tumultuous with Jae and never going to work out, which you knew very early on, but you just loathe being wrong when you give someone a chance. It was a fool’s hope to think he might turn it around and make you feel better about letting him into your life to begin with.

The truth of the matter was that Jae just wanted to be a part of your crew and when they refused to let him in, he went and found another and tried to drag you along with him. There wasn’t a chance in hell that you’d leave them, your family, but you tried to make things work and it bit you in the ass more times than you could count. 

You’re pissed as all hell when you slip back into the booth, right into Seungcheol’s side. He’s warm and familiar, and when his arm falls around your shoulder it tempers your rage just a touch. Another thing Jae couldn’t stand…how close the two of you were. 

Seungcheol has been by your side since you and your brother were kids. You three have been thick as thieves, literally, for so long that you were more comfortable with him than anyone else in the world. You loved, trusted, and respected Seungcheol to a fault. 

He also notoriously let’s you get away with pretty much everything. 

So, for no reason other than needing a distraction and hoping to get a rise out of him, you take the cold fresh beer he’s yet to touch right out of his hands and bring it to your lips. He makes an amused sound and pinches your shoulder where his hand rests. 

“That doesn’t belong to you,” he grumbles, though he doesn’t do anything to stop you from taking whatever you want.

You swallow another small mouthful and set the beer down, pushing it back into his grip. The little gasp of surprise you let out when his big hand catches around yours before you can let go of the glass makes Cheol grin which is an improvement from the scowl he’s been sporting for most of the night.

“You gonna tell me why you’ve been so grumpy?” you ask, leaning into him so he can actually hear you over all the noise, “You only nurse a beer when you’re in a shit mood.”

He lets you pull your hand from the cold glass but doesn’t put any distance between your bodies, he lessens it instead. You’re so close that he doesn’t even need to speak loudly for you to hear him. “I didn’t realize you paid that much attention to me.” His deep rumbling voice can be felt this closely and the alcohol in the warmth of your belly feels fizzy.

“I’ve known you longer than anyone else here,” you reason, “You can’t hide anything from me.”

Seungcheol snickers, “Oh, I bet I could.”

You don’t get the chance to try and one up him because your phone buzzes incessantly in your lap. Pulling back, you both see who is calling and Seungcheol kisses his teeth in irritation. You silence the call, sending your ex to voicemail and you’re about to reach for your own drink but another incoming call prevents you.

“You want me to answer it?” 

Seungcheol’s tone is dangerous so you silence the call again and continue reaching for your glass. “He’ll give up.”

That isn’t typically the case but you're praying this once it is because you really don’t feel like dealing with Jae’s bullshit any more than you wish to handle a pissed off Seungcheol or get a lecture from your brother. Jeonghan, over-bearing and unhinged as he is, will talk you to death when you make a poor choice as if his entire lifestyle isn’t comprised of the ones he’s made. Better to keep him out of it too.  

Cheol will give you a piece of his mind but he’s more like your big, scary guard dog and even though you’re never on the receiving end, you know he’s got a nasty bite so you’d prefer to keep the leash short and not dangle bait before him. The last thing you need is Seungcheol winding up in a cell because of you…he toes that line enough as it is.

Unfortunately, nothing is going your way tonight and your phone lights up again. Normally you’d leave it alone but another part of you, one far and detached from who is calling, still fears the guilt of missing back-to-back calls heavens forbid something has happened.

It’s the only reason you’re answering, shouting over the noise, “You’d better be dying. What the hell do you want?”

“Baby, I just need to talk to you and you’re ignoring me,” he whines back and bile gathers at the base of your throat, “I already said I was sorry! Your friends don’t even like me so I don’t know why you asked me to come. They don’t think I’m good enough for you.”

“You’re not good enough for me,” is the first thing that comes out of your mouth, beyond caring about his feelings at this point, “You’ve proved that time and time again and I don’t need them to tell me what I already know. I’m busy. Don’t call me again.”

“Wait, wait!” he calls out to you desperately - it makes your skin crawl, “I’ll come pick you up, sweetheart. I’ll take you somewhere real nice, just us two, ok? You just stay there and I’ll come get you.”

Your face bunches up incredulously, “Don’t bother showing up now! The olive branch I extended by inviting you tonight no longer exists. I don’t want you here and I’m definitely not going anywhere just the two of us. I’m with my crew and you’re with yours,” you argue back, “That’s what you chose, so that’s what you get.”

There is silence on the end of the line and then laughter. 

“You’re lucky you’re hot because it’s a distraction from how fucking crazy you are! I swear to god, you’re just trying to piss me off so I’ll pay more attention to you! Is that what you want? Want me to drop everything to be with you? Like you don’t get enough fucking attentio-”

“Hang up,” comes a growl from your left and when you look over, Seungcheol is seething.

You don’t waste another breath except to say, “Don’t call me again,” before disconnecting..

As you tuck your phone back between your thighs you accidentally meet Jeonghan’s gaze from across the table. His eyes flick between you just having ended another call and Seungcheol who looks like he might shatter the glass in his hand at any given moment. He raises a brow, his silent way of asking if everything is okay and you wink back like it’s totally fine. No worries. Not a thing wrong or out of place. 

Which, it probably would have been if your phone hadn’t vibrated again a minute later. 

It’s just the one time so you thought it was a fluke, a misdial,  but then it buzzes again….and again. Then it’s a continually buzzing stream of new alerts so you pull your phone out and find sixteen unread messages. You don’t even bother reading them and shove the phone back between your thighs. Just. Shut. Up.

Minutes pass and you’re trying really hard to enjoy Chan’s little impromptu performance at the bar, and it sounds lovely, truly, but it’s difficult to focus on anything at all between your efforts to internally process your ex’s fucking audacity and to ignore furious heat rolling off Seungcheol’s body still so close to your own.. 

He’s wholly enraged and you can feel it.

There is maybe a solid seven minutes where your phone sits silently and you’re about to turn to speak to Jihoon and then…another text comes through. Seungcheol’s patience finally wears through and he plucks it from between your thighs before you can react. You watch quietly, not bothering to argue with him as he forces a shut down before pocketing it inside his jacket. 

You still stare at him like some admonished teenager and he stares back with a small smirk, daring you to say something. He’s not doing it to punish you - that’s the reason you don’t push back - he’s going to make sure you enjoy the night just like everyone else. He knows it’s not going to happen if you’re glued to your phone and so do you. 

Narrowing your eyes, you smirk back. “You’re giving that back later, right?”

His answering grin is troubling. “I might make you earn it.”

You toy with the idea of asking how but that line of thought is mercifully interrupted by a round of shots for the whole table being delivered and passed around. You had to wait the additional four minutes of having to sit through Hoshi giving an impromptu speech that almost dissolves to tears because he’s probably (definitely) two shots too deep and then it’s back to chaos and you’re finally free to be a part of it.

Your mood lifts tremendously over the next hour so being present in the moment with the people you love. Hao’s girlfriend Jessie passes you a sticker sheet with little glittery hearts and stars which end up all over the bar, in joshua’s hair, the tip of Jun’s nose, the bathroom walls, and some litter the dance floor. Woozi steals a couple for the back of his phone case and when you run out she supplies you with temporary tattoos. Almost everyone has at least two imprinted on their skin by the time those are run through.

When your hands are empty and your drinks all run dry, an old country western song crackles over the speakers and suddenly you’re being dragged out onto the floor by Mingyu who is hell bent on trying to replicate some old line dance you’re sure he’s fabricated in his foggy mind. Something about heels and toes, and being swung around your partner - it’s fun and somewhat terrifying when he’s nearly lifting you off the ground mid-spin. 

It’s not his fault that he’s got long legs and two left feet when he drinks so it’s mostly the two of you skipping in circles, laughing and completely out of breath, but it’s a blast. 

And then you catch something out of the corner of your eye that makes you stop dead in your tracks. Mingyu doesn’t even notice that you’ve stopped until he trips over your foot, looking down at you in confusion. “You givin’ up on me?”

“What the fuck is he doing here?” 

The voice comes from Joshua in the corner, which means somehow word spread about tonight’s falling out without you knowing, and now everyone is looking at your ex, boldly and moronically standing a few feet away from you which is several feet too close for their liking. Unsurprisingly, it’s Hoshi who’s already in his face, smiling in the most menacing fashion. “This is a private event so unfortunately for you, you’ll have to fuck off.”

Jae scoffs aloud, “I don’t give a shit about your party.”

Then his scowl twists into a smirk but it’s cruel and mirthless, his eyes falling on you and Mingyu who had at some point out of habit placed his body just in front of your own.

“I came for my girl but it looks like she’s already moved on for the night, throwing herself at one of you sorry assholes because I couldn’t make time for her. Typical.”

Mingyu anticipates you trying to step around him and quickly catches you around the waist to hold you back at the same time that Seokmin stands from his chair so quickly it falls backwards and lands with a loud clatter. “Watch your fucking mouth,” he warns menacingly. 

“Watch my mouth? I’m just pointing out that facts. I should have known that’s why she suddenly didn’t want me here,” he goes on like every pair of eyes on him aren’t glaring daggers, “Would have ruined her plans to get shit-faced and open her legs for whichever one of you looked at her first.”

Jeonghan hurls himself at Jae with an opened switchblade in his hand but, thankfully, Joshua and Jihoon catch him first, and the bastard laughs knowing none of them would let Jeonghan get close enough to do something stupid. Not with witnesses around anyway.

Jae tilts his head, speaking directly to Jeonghan with his hands in his pockets and condescention dripping from his tongue, “You’re her big brother,” he pouts, just pouring salt in the wound, “You’re really just going to sit back and allow all your friends to take turns with your little sister? The crew’s designated whor-”

He barely forms a smirk before Seungcheol appears out of nowhere and suckerpunches him in the mouth so hard the crack is audible throughout the bar. Unfortunately for Jae, he’s still conscious when he hits the ground, broken teeth and blood pouring from his maw as he screams in excruciating pain. You’re sure his jaw is broken and you’re glad. 

Absolutely no one moves to help him. Hardly even bats an eye.

Then, Seungcheol draws his leg back and kicks Jae in the stomach which means he’s not done and after what your ex just said…you’re not sure anyone in your crew will step in to stop him. You move instantly, pulling yourself out of Mingyu’s protective grip to push your way to the front where you’re relieved to see Vernon already attempting to pull his friend away and he does but not before your ex’s hand is crushed under the sole of Seungcheol’s boot and the screaming starts anew. 

When you reach them, you immediately put yourself in the middle without hesitation, both hands against Seungcheol’s chest in an effort to calm him down before he loses it completely. One of his hands is still clenched at his side and you’re trying desperately to get him to look down at you. He doesn’t but his other hand comes up to sit at your hip and that’s enough of an acknowledgement that you relax, just slightly. 

You turn just your head to look down at Jae who’s never looked more pitiful. Covered in blood, dirt, snot, and tears. 

Seungcheol glares over your shoulder at the broken man on the floor, his arm now firmly seated around your body in a possessive display as he growls, “Always running your fucking mouth,” then he nods in your brother’s direction, “I should let him cut your tongue out.”

Jeonghan’s knife spins dangerously between his deft fingers like he’s itching to use it. 

He’s no longer restrained, nearly deranged, and begins stalking toward your ex who flinches away and frantically shakes his head, unable to speak with his mangled mouth. Your voice cuts clear into the charged air. “Jeonghan,” you call out and your brother stops mid-step to look up at you patiently. You shake your head at him and he concedes but the fire in his eyes is palpable. 

He smiles down at Jae, voice lilting and deadly. “You’re safe…for now,” he tilts his head, crouching down to get closer, “And don’t bother running back to your crew for help or hope for some form of retaliation,” He pauses, covering his mouth with his knife, giggling with feral delight dancing in his eyes, “I bet you didn’t tell them where you were going or who you were fucking with because they never would have let you come and I can only imagine how pissed they’re going to be when they find out.”

Jae’s brows furrow indicating his confusion and Jeonghan laughs again, wiggling his long fingers, tapping them with the point of his blade. “How do you think your ring leader lost two fingers on his right hand? That pretty scar down the side of his face? It was an improvement if you ask me,” he croons and Jae’s eyes widen with renewed horror, “Loyal little lap dog ever since and hilariously, still harboring a rather sweet crush on my darling sister. Small world, huh? We’ll be sure to let him know how you feel about her and who’s responsible for,” he waves his hand with an air of distaste, gesturing to Jae, “This.”

When Jeongan stands again, his smile falls flat and you turn your head quickly, tucking it into Cheol’s chest when you hear the crunch and subsequent thud as your brother stomps and knocks Jae out cold. It’s cruel, perhaps, but now knowing who exactly he’s been working for, you’d consider this a mercy compared to wait awaits him.

Seungcheol lifts his chin with a silent order and Junhui and Mingyu are already stepping forward to haul Jae’s unconscious form out of the bar with Joshua leisurely striding behind them, Jae’s phone in hand. They’ll dump him outside, a few blocks away. He’s lucky they’re not animals - Josh will use Jae’s phone to deliver a personal message to his crew but beyond that, he’s no longer your crew’s problem. Retaliation isn’t even a concern in this situation.

The atmosphere is obviously soured and you can still feel the rage swirling in the air. There isn’t a single member of your crew who wouldn’t have loved a turn. Even Minghao, calm and even, the most level-headed in situations like this has a particular air of cruelty about him in the moment and Jessie at his side tucks away a glittering pair of brass knuckles. You don’t have to glance around to they are waiting for an order and Cheol still has his eyes focused on the door. There are also a few patrons who are not associated with your crew, the kind who know when to mind their business, but even they seem to be waiting to be told what to do next.

So, you clear your throat and try to paint on a pretty smile.

“Pardon the interuption,” you sigh, each head in the room swiveling in your direction, “Turn the music up and order another round for the whole bar,” you glance up to find Seuncheol already looking down at you and you pat his chest, “Drinks are still on the big guy so you’d better take advantage while he’s still feeling generous.”

Thankfully, its enough to get everyone moving again, your crew falling right back into the party swing as if nothing happened. It was so easy for them to flip the switch sometimes. From volatile back to joyous - back to shots, and karaoke, and dancing. 

Seungcheol was still furious though. He doesn’t bounce back nearly as fast.

“Why don’t we take a walk out back?”

He doesn’t budge for a moment and you say his name a little more firmly this time to which he reponds, “Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry. Let’s go.”

No one asks questions or follows the two of you when he takes your hand and leads you out the back and into the crisp night air. It’s dark but the moon etches just enough light that you can still see each other easily. Seungcheol’s shoulders are tense and you watch his fists clench and unfurl methodically. They’re also red and angry after making direct contact with Jae’s teeth. The thought makes your gut roil.

“Choi Seungcheol,” you lightly grumble, “You can’t go around hospitalizing every asshole that is mean to me.”

Nothing at first and then there’s a little huff of laughter. “I can absolutely do just that, or worse. Besides, I only hit him once.”

“You broke his jaw…and probably a few ribs with that kick,” you sigh and lean back against the building, glancing up at the sky. “My point is that I know you can but that doesn’t mean you should. If you get arrested, who’s gonna take care of me?”

He smirks. “Spoiled.”

“Your fault,” you roll your eyes and really look at him. “I didn’t know he was working for Kaito, obviously. You know I would’ve cut him off completely If I had.”

“I didn’t know either,” he admits, shrugging off your surprise, “Jeonghan must have found out and kept it to himself. You know how he likes to hold onto things until its useful. Your brother is kind of a sadistic asshole sometimes.”

“Hannie is just eccentric and has weird hobbies,” you counter with a small grin, “Besides, he’s your best friend so think about what that says about you.”

He just winks in response. It’s maddening and attractive, per usual. 

“Mhm,” you hum quietly, pleased to watch him unwind in front of you, because of you. “I’m glad to see you’re in a better mood,” you tease him, “I thought for a few that you might have been mad at me.”

Cheol lets out a long sigh and digs his hands into his pockets. “I’m never mad at you.”

You cross your arms and quirk a brow at him, “That’s a blatant lie and you know it. I can’t even count how many times you’ve chewed my ass out for one thing or another.”

“The handful of times that I have yelled at you came directly after you did something dangerous,” he argues back with a short laugh, “Calling your ex, that fucker in particular, makes me question your judgement and maybe your sanity, but it’s not a reason for me to be mad at you. If anything it’s mild frustration.”

You narrow your eyes at him. It’s more than mild. “Say what you need to say, Cheol.”

He squares his shoulders, face serious much like his tone. “You’re too smart to keep choosing assholes that let you down over and over again. So, why do you do it?”

You purse your lips. “Touche,” he’s not wrong, “I am self aware enough to admit my track record is shit but there is not a lot to work with. It’s not as though our dating pool is stellar, Cheol. We’re lowlifes…we associates with other lowlifes. Nice boys like girls like me until they realize I’m not worth the trouble.”

He sputters out a laugh and steps closer, just enough to lower his voice in the echoing alley way. A touch closer and you could probably steal a little body heat you’re starting to wish for. “You are the trouble,” his eyes sparkle when he says it, like its a compliment, “Nice boys too soft for you anyway and we’re not lowlifes…we just live a little differently. You can do better,” he smirks when you roll your eyes again, “You can…you just don’t.”

You uncross your arms and spread them out before you. “Oh, any suggestions? I forgot you were a dating expert-” then you break into a laugh and Cheol is throwing his head back, knowing what’s coming. “Oh, wait! I forgot. You’ve not had a girlfriend in what? Five years? Eight?”

He snatches both your hands out of the air and pushes them back toward your chest, trying to reign in his amusement and overall urge to smother you. “You’re high maintenance enough. Why the hell would I need a girlfriend? I’ve got enough on my plate.”

You reach out and lightly punch him in the chest. “You’re a big boy, Cheol. Don’t let me hold you back. I can handle myself.”

At this, he snorts and pulls a hand out of his pocket to point at you. “You can handle yourself? Did I not pick you up in a police station two months ago for speeding…again?”

You pull off the wall with your mouth open to defend yourself and he abruptly pushes you right back against it and continues. “Who taught you how to drive and took the blame when you ran over Jeonghan’s bike when you were fifteen? Who showed up at three in the morning to pick your drunk ass up at that halloween party just so you could puke in my car and my bed…all night?” he pushes closer and lowers his voice “Who bailed you out of jail four months ago when you took a glass bottle to someone’s head in club and it turned out to be a fucking cop?”

“He looked like any other perv fondling girls on the dance floor!” You shout, eyes wide and wild as if someone would overhear, “How was I supposed to know he was a cop?! And why does it matter? He was a creep and I’d do it again!”

Seungcheol is simply dissolving into laughter, his earlier shit mood absolutely erased, and then as your volume grows he starts attempting to shush you though it’s half-assed. 

“Shhhh,” he laughs even harder, “I know, I know. I’m just teasing,” he grins when you finally crack a small smile, “Honestly, I was so proud of you that night. Took fifteen stitches to sew him back together and I hear it’s left a big ugly scar.”

You scoff in disbelief at his blatant pride. “Proud?! You chewed my ass out the entire way home.”

“Quit doing dangerous shit without me,” he shrugs unapologetically, “If you’re gonna get yourself in trouble, at least make sure I’m there to back you up.”

You roll your eyes, placing your cool hands under your chin to warm them. A cold wind whips through the alley, tossing his soft black hair around. Naturally, he steps into the wind’s path, blocking you from the worst of it because that’s what he does. It grants you the opportunity to slide a little closer and he chuckles, catching on very quickly to what you’re trying to do. Use him as both a human shield and personal heater. 

He looks down at you with that soft gaze you know is only reserved for you. As you’ve grown older together, you’ve learned that it’s best to avoid basking in it for more than a few seconds at a time. Your eyes dart down to his chest and back up again, not quite meeting his eyes this time. “It’s colder than I thought it would be tonight.”

He pulls your jacket a little tighter around you. “We can go back inside if you want.”

Whatever you want - it’s always whatever you want. Sometimes you just want to know what Seungcheol wants.

You hold eye contact with him now, just watching to see if his expression changes at all. It’s almost dizzying, staring at one another so closely. A stupid decision on your part, honestly.

“What if I asked you to take me home?”

Simple. “We can go home. Just gotta grab my key-”

You shake your head with a small laugh. “Actually, I think we should go back in and sing karaoke.”

His lips pull up, always quick to pick up on the game. “What song? I love karaoke.”

“Liar. You hate karaoke,” you grin, “Why do you give into anything I ask?”

His smile is so beautiful - it always has been. 

“I do not give into everything,” he corrects you and then huffs in amusement, “Go ahead, try your luck but put some actual thought into it. You know most things are negotiable for lowlifes like us.”

“Great! So, you’ll let me drive your car tomorrow night?” you bat your eyes at him soo prettily. It’s in the bag.

He hardly budges. “No,” comes from those plump lips more clearly than you’ve ever heard it in your life and you instinctually pout like a child which amuses him. “I said put some actual thought into it. You’re a terrible driver.”

“You also said to try my luck,” you answer and it comes out more like a grumble, “Which has apparently abandoned me tonight.” 

The way you drop your shoulders and pull yourself inward knocks him off kilter and his smile drops in a split second. When he speaks again, his voice is just a touch deeper - less playful, more gentle. The change is so slight that anyone else would miss it but you’ve got that shift of his rooted in your memory at this point. 

“Your luck? Maybe,” he tips his head in consideration, close enough that he’s slipped his arms around you, big hands splayed comfortingly against the middle of your back, “I’m still here though.”

You know you should put some space in between your bodies right now but that little voice that is usually telling you to mind your boundaries is so far away in the moment that you do the opposite. Closing the distance, you look up at him as you slip your hands around his waist beneath his jacket. “Yeah, you’re always here for me. Aren’t you?”

When he dips his head closer, his tone is surprisingly serious. “I hope that’s not an actual question at this point.”

His free hand comes up to catch the back of your neck as you move to pull away, to ask him to explain or just to confirm that what you’re feeling is mercifully mutually, but you’re trapped - body painted against Seungcheol’s in the moonlight. It’s probably the most intimate position you’ve ever been in with him and your heart thrashes in your chest.

“I’ve always been right here,” his nose and lips brush your cheek as he speaks, “Patiently waiting.”

“Waiting for what?” you ask too softly but he smiles, you can feel it against your skin.

“For you to get tired of playing house,” He chides gently, “You already have a home with me and you know it.”

To say it out loud for the first time is almost staggering for Seungcheol and it’s a devastating revelation for you. Each time you tried dating someone new it had felt like a cheap replacement to distract you from the despairing thoughts of loving Seungcheol and him not loving you back, but he was there. Watching, waiting, already belonging to you in every way the entire time. 

The first sound out of your mouth is escaped laughter. It’s soft and disbelieving. 

Seungcheol smiles as he pulls back enough to see your face. “You genuinely didn’t know?”

You shake your head back and forth, still laughing, and the dimples in his cheeks pinch as he’s rolling his eyes at you, snickering to himself. “You’re the worst. I seriously thought you were playing dumb on purpose,” he groans, though his hands meet in the middle of your back now, comfortably laced like he plans on staying this way for a while. “Tell me. Who are all those idiots in there to you?”

Easy. “They’re my brothers.”

“And who am I?”

Your lips twitch and he smirks. “You’re just…Seungcheol,” saying it makes everything so plain and simple. So obvious. “You’re my Seungcheol.”

“Exactly. Have I ever felt like a brother to you? Like just a friend?” he prods, pretty white teeth still on display. He’s going to drive his point home like always. 

“Listen, jerk,” you poke him in the chest with a long sigh, “Of course you never felt like those things to me. I didn’t want to see you as just a friend and definitely not as a brother, gross,” you grimace at the thought, “But just because I felt that way about you doesn’t mean I thought you felt the same. I thought it was all very one-sided and I was just going to eventually get over it.”

He raises a single brow. “And,” he blinks pointedly, “Have you gotten over it yet?

“Unfortunately not.”

“Good.”

Good because he’s truly out of patience at this point and he’s going to make sure you know exactly how he feels without question. 

And that’s how you find yourself caged up against the wall outside the bar, Seungcheol’s lips hungirly claiming your own. His hands trace your body outside your clothing until he gets tired of the separation and you jolt feeling his cold hands against your waist beneath your shirt. There isn’t a second of stillness. He’s constantly moving, shifting, giving, taking. 

You’re no better. 

The second he kissed you it was like a flood of energy zapping each and every one of your nerves. After your lips, your arms were quickly in motion, wrapping around his neck and shoulders. Fingers threading through and tugging at his hair. He touched you and kissed you so thoroughly that despite the fact that is freezing and you’re indeed, exposed outside while your friends are just on the other side of that back door, you want more. 

More, more, more. 

Seungcheol does too. 

“Let’s go,” he mumbles between your lips, still too enthralled to pull away. 

It makes you laugh, though it’s a little delirious because he’s back to sucking and biting pretty little marks onto your neck, and you peel your eyelids open to see the fog from your breath as you speak. “It’s Seok’s birthday,” your mouth pops open with a silent gasp as he bites you again, “We can’t just leave.”

He drags himself back up and meets your eyes, grinning, “Like hell we can’t. Go get in my car,” he digs his keys out of his pocket and passes them over, “I’ll let the boys know we’re leaving.”

You stand there for a moment, keys in your outstretched hand, “Wait!” you realize he’s already opening the door. He’s so serious. “What are you going to tell them?”

He shrugs, “That we have better things to do.”

Appalling. “Seungcheol!”

Now he’s smirking. “Alright, alright. I’ll tell them we’re leaving and going back to my place to fu-”

“SEUNGCHEOL!”

“You don’t want me to lie and you don’t want me to tell the truth,” he blinks back at you, “I am not sure what you want from me, baby.”

Well. Brain melted. If he’s calling you ‘Baby’ he can do whatever he damn well pleases. 

“I’ll be waiting,” you laugh, quickly spinning on your heel before you drag him away and he doesn’t get a chance to tell anyone you’re leaving. They probably wouldn’t notice for a few hours anyway. You shake your head, hurrying your steps toward his car. 

It feels like you’re waiting an eternity but it’s only been a few minutes and when you glance out the window he’s already hurrying back. You’re not sure if he just caught the first person he saw and told them to pass it on or if he walked in and announced it to the entire bar but you honestly don’t care. You’re maybe fifteen minutes from the garage, Cheol’s permanent (and your home away from) home. He’ll probably make it in eight with the way he drives. 

“I’m surprised to not find you in the driver’s seat,” he laughs, shutting the door and immediately bringing the car to life. 

“You’re the better driver and I’d like to get there quickly.”

Smirking, he smoothly backs out of his parking space and peels out onto the road. “I think you’re plenty good at speeding. If your record has anything to say about it.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Ok, so you’re better at speeding and not getting caught. This is why I handle the other business aspects.”

His hand slips over the middle and lands on your thigh, kneading and flexing possessively. 

Watching you handle business has always intrigued and infuriated him. You’ve swindled awful men out of house and home - lining your crew’s pockets with all the spoils. It had always been a fine line between letting you work while recognizing how good you were at your job and trying not to strangle every dickhead who thought that fake smile you gave them was genuine. “Might have to retire you now.”

You pout in his direction knowing his moody comment is nothing more than his protective, if not slightly dominant, nature coming through. He’s not at all serious, even if he’d like to be. “You gonna take care of me so I don’t have to work anymore?”

He grins at the suggestion. “You know I’ll take care of you, baby. Minghao is plenty good-looking. We’ll start using him instead.”

You snort at the thought. “You’re better off sending, Jeonghan. He's pretty, charming, and he knows exactly how to get what he wants out of anyone. Why do you think I’m so good at it? Learned from the best.”

“Yeah,” Cheol turns, the wheel smoothly gliding through his hand, “I don’t typically have to worry about you stabbing or torturing anyone though.”

“Typically?” you turn in surprise, laughing, “Are you saying it has been a concern?”

He looks at you with a brow quirked. “Once or twice,” he scoffs, “You are way more like your brother than you realize.”

“Oh? You got a thing for him too?”

He snickers in response, shaking his head. “Little shit.”

He squeezes the meat of your thigh again and you realize he’s shifted his hand higher, his fingers spread wide, the pads biting into your jeans. “Quit flirting with me and drive faster.”

The only sound that follows is his quiet amusement and the roar of the engine. 

Pulling into the garage, you’re feeling too charged from the quiet, electrifying tension. It makes you feel jerky, like every movement of your body takes too much effort and every surface you touch shocks your skin. You’re already eyeing the stairs leading up to his loft but he’s taking his sweet time coming around the front of his car, waiting for the garage doors to roll back down. You want to barrel straight into him but you don’t exactly trust your legs to carry you. 

The doors close with a loud thud and he looks over at you still standing near the passenger door. “You look nervous,” he smiles softly, making his way around the car until his hands are seated over your hips. “We don’t have to-”

“No, no, that’s not it,” you huff out a laugh, “I think all the anticipation made my body stop working. Everything is tingly and sharp, and I don’t think I can move. Stop laughing at me!”

He can’t. Seungcheol is simply beside himself. You really can’t blame him. Truly, too horny and excited to walk? That’s got to be a new one. It certainly is for you. 

“I can carry you, it’s fine.”

But he is still shaking with laughter and we’re talking a whole ass flight of stairs. It’s not fine, though Cheol is already scooping you up and you're frantically trying to situate yourself on his back because that seems like the safest option and you’re already off the ground. He’s not putting you back down until you’re both behind closed doors. 

“Oh my god,” you bury your face in his shoulder as he takes the first few steps up the stairs, “This is such a bad idea!”

His hands are firmly seated beneath your thighs and your arms are wrapped so tightly around his shoulders that you’re not even shifting much as he carries you but it’s nerve wracking and honestly, a bit embarrassing. He’s incredibly proud and stubborn so there really is no hope in convincing him to put you down anyway.

“Stop panicking,” he laughs, now halfway up the stairs, “I’m not even struggling so your lack of faith in me is hurting my feelings. You act like you’ve never seen me workout. I do it for a reason.”

“I thought the reason was just because you like to beat people up.”

He huffs in amusement, “Fighting isn’t fun when you’re not winning.”

“Well, you always win so you must be having a blast,” you pinch his earlobe, rolling your eyes since he can’t catch you doing it.

When he reaches the landing, he digs into his pocket, unlocking the door with one hand and then kicking it shut once you’re both inside. Then he lets you slide down his back but before your feet actually hit the ground, he’s spinning around to pick you right back up. He laughs at the sound you make, quickly grabbing his shoulders and crossing your ankles at his back. Cheol flips the lock on the door and takes you into the small kitchen, setting you down on the counter. 

“I always win when you’re watching,” he plants his hands on either side of you, leaning closer, “You get mad at me when I don’t, so, I stopped losing.”

He looks up at you with a boyish grin and you bring your hands up, lightly touching his cheeks with your finger tips. You’ve seen his soft skin mottled with bruising more times than you cared to think about. “I don’t care about losing,” you murmur, lost in thought, “I just hate it when you get hurt.”

Tracing a finger over his right brow you remember that night years ago when he returned from a job with it split wide open, blood dripping down his pale face. Busted lips, fractured ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and an awful limp. It was the first time you ever saw him so…broken.

You yelled at him for getting hurt but cradled his face in your hands the whole time. While Minghao sutured it closed, you continued cursing at him and everyone else who’d gone out that night but you never let go of his hand. When Joshua reset Cheol’s shoulder and he nearly passed out from the pain, you sobbed. For days you’d been furious with him yet you stayed over at his place for almost two solid weeks to take care of him. 

Putting him back together with your own two hands was the only way you could convince yourself that he was okay and from then on, you accompanied him on most jobs. Anytime things got messy, he’d come out victorious, and the very few times you weren’t there, he returned nearly unscathed. Bloodied knuckles at most. 

Your fingers must have drifted down to his lips because he kisses them and it brings you back to the present. He smiles against your fingertips and you move them under his jaw, out of the way, just so you can kiss him again. It’s soft, slow, adoring and his hands slide into place right at your lower back, his fingers pushing beneath your shirt to stroke your skin. 

When they make contact, his fingers spread wide, pulling you closer to the edge of the counter. It makes your back arch, pitching your hips forward, and leaves you sitting poised for the taking but even then he takes his time. In the back of your mind, you’re sure he can feel your heat against his groin and it must be driving him just as insane as it does you.

Despite the body heat, when he pushes your shirt up a little further with his busy hands, you shiver at how cold you still are. It’s accompanied by a breathy little gasp that makes him pull away grinning, eyes still watching your mouth. “Still cold?”

“Yeah,” you admit, “Do you ever turn the heat on in this place?”

“Only when you’re here. I don’t usually need it.”

Of course not. Big manly man. 

“You’re going to need it if you’re still hoping to get my clothes off.”

Cheol pays no mind to your change in tone. The one you use to nag him to death. Instead he scoops you right off the counter, starting toward his bedroom. “I can warm you up myself just fine,” he says in an equally haughty kind of way. 

The kind of way that shuts you up because the only other thing that you could possibly manage is some pathetic giggle. He even makes a show of hanging onto to you with only one arm because he’s just so strong and you humor him with an ‘oh wooooow’ that makes him crack, laughing as he lets you slowly drop to the floor.

Your hand remains on his chest, nervously pinching at his shirt as you look around the room. You’ve been in here before just…not for anything like this. “Why does this feel normal and not normal at the same time,” you pause, realizing there is actually something different that you hadn’t noticed right away. 

Seungcheol let’s his hands drop away so you can walk over to his dresser to sate your…curiosity? Surprise? “You said I needed more personal decorations around the house,” he clears his throat, watching as you carefully lift his picture frames off the furniture to examine them, “I figured pictures were personal enough.”

There is one of Cheol as a teenager standing proudly beside his first car. Another with a few members of the crew all grinning around a card table. You loosen a soft laugh remembering that night clearly. Mingyu and Hoshi shouting over the table like banshees…all because Hoshi got caught cheating and blamed it on his favorite designated target. 

You pick up one you don’t recognize but smile at the familiar faces hanging out of the windows of a car you do recognize vaguely. The job details were hazy but you know you remember that car for some reason.

Seungcheol must have noticed you squinting at it because he comes over and stands behind you, pointing at the picture. “You don’t remember this one because you broke into a case of wine coolers the moment we were all home and accounted for,” he chuckles, his breath tickling your cheek, “Almost seven years ago now.”

“I hated waiting for you guys to come home,” you pout, pointing to the picture, “Why do I remember this car though? It’s so familiar.”

He laughs again and this time you spin toward him like the reason he is laughing is clearly painted on his face. It’s not but he fills in the blanks without prompting.

“Jeonghan caught you in the backseat of that exact car making out with Seungkwan, of all people,” Cheol grins at your grimace “We hauled you both off to bed, tucked you in, and agreed not to tell a soul. I honestly don’t think he knows about it either. You guys were wasted.”

“I definitely do not remember doing that but I did oddly stop drinking wine coolers not long after that night,” you sigh, tucking away the embarrassing story to kick your self over later.

“Guilty subconscious?” 

Shrugging off your jacket you give him a fake laugh which eventually morphs into a grin. “Were you jealous back then?”

He takes your lead, removing his clothes one piece at a time. “I was always jealous,” he admits and you let yourself stop to watch as he grabs at the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head. It leaves him only in his jeans, belt already unbuckled. 

You’re the opposite, jeans kicked to the side, but your hands rest on your shirt, too busy looking at Seungcheol to force yourself to keep moving. He’s no better, eyes glued to your hips, to your underwear, your legs, and then his eyes bounce back up to your face, finally noticing the way you’re looking at him.

He takes a slow step forward and then another.

“I’m not perfect,” he cautions, another step closer, “I’m stubborn and jealous,” one more step until you’re touching, “I don’t like sharing. If one of the guys flirts with you, even as a joke, I’ll probably rip their head off. Might happen more than once but I’ll get over it eventually, I promise.”

“Hmm,” you smirk as he stops so closely you can feel the heat coming of his body, “A little sensitive?”

“Maybe.” His smile is so pretty and disarming because now his hands are on you, palms rubbing circles into your hips before sliding back and down over your ass. “You’ve been chipping away at my self control for over a decade and now you’re half-naked in my bedroom. I’ve hit my breaking point, baby. I’m going to be selfish with you.”

You shift just enough to pull your shirt over your head, tossing it in the general direction of your pants, and settle your arms around his shoulders. “I think it’s only fair because I have always been selfish with you and i’ll be so much worse now,” you grin and he let’s out a heavy, husky chuckle, tightening his thick arms around you, “I’m going to be a menace.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“I’m still cold.”

Then he’s kissing you again, your hands quickly moving from his shoulders to his waist, pushing his jeans as low as you can before he’s forced to part and pull them the rest of the way off, laughing and stumbling with you toward the bed. You land first, quickly shuffling under the comforter for warmth and he’s right behind you, rolling you onto your back to cover you with his body. It’s an added layer of heat and you wiggle beneath him when his thigh pushes between your legs. 

Seungcheol wants everything all at once and hates having to choose but loves knowing he’ll get the opportunity to do it all in good time. For now, he can’t seem to keep away from your lips, can’t stop the noises he makes everytime you tug at his hair or scrape your nails against his back and he hopes to god they leave bright red scratches in their wake. 

He wants to watch you get shy and embarrassed when he works out with them on full display. His ego is a beast and it’s going to be riding a high for a while.

When you push up against him, he gives you a little space to quickly undo your bra before it’s tossed to the floor and he’s slipping a little lower, his face pressed against your soft, warm chest. His mouth dances from one breast to the other and you moan into the open air of his bedroom, one of your hands still rubbing his back, smoothing over his muscles mindlessly. His perfect teeth graze your nipples and you grind down against his thigh. 

He pushes it higher and repeats the action over and over until you’re steadily working yourself up and then he shifts, taking that relief away from you. Your eyes pop open in surprise but he kisses you again before you can speak and his right hand slides into your panties, wet and uncomfortably cool against your folds now that his thigh is gone. 

He doesn’t waste time, running his middle and ring finger up and down until they’re so slick-coated that there is hardly any resistance when he slips them inside you, stroking up against that spot that has you arching your back off the bed. It’s almost cruel how quickly he gets you there and even worse that he hardly touches your clit before you come, stars flashing behind your eyes. 

Seungcheol kisses your face through it, whispering sweet, filthy praises against your skin. That’s my girl, you’re so fucking good for me, baby. Sound so pretty right now, wanna hear you say my name just like that.

It’s a miracle you don’t come again the second he pushes into you because he doesn’t stop talking unless his mouth is occupied and he’s too good at multitasking. The only time you get a break from his wicked words is when he’s bottoming out and your ears are ringing so loudly that you can’t even hear him anymore. He must realize it too because his mouth was moving and now, he’s just grinning, eyes trained on your lips when he draws his hips back a little and pushes back in. 

His pace varies because he likes watching the breath get caught in your throat, breaking up the gorgeous sounds spilling from your lips. For all the taunting and talking he’s done, he’s just as worked up as you are and suddenly sits up on his knees which changes the angle. He spreads your thighs further apart, almost crudely, and props your ass a bit higher. At first, he wraps his hands around your thighs for leverage, digging his fingers into your skin but it’s not enough, he needs more. 

When he moves his hands to either side of your waist, he locks in the perfect position to go as deep as possible and the sounds you begin making are far more desperate, the pitch swinging higher and higher until he’s moaning and panting, driving into you faster and harder than before. You know you’re going to come again, and fast, so when your eyes meets his, and he purses his lips, letting spit drop from his plump lips onto your clit, he doesn’t have to tell you aloud what to do. 

You bring your own hand down, rubbing yourself until your limbs start twitching. Your breaths are so shallow and ragged, your fingertips messily bumping against the base of his cock where he plunges in and out of your cunt recklessly. He looks just as far gone as you do but the second your eyes meet, he smirks and it’s your absolute undoing. 

When you orgasm for the second time it’s so intense that all of your muscles lock up aside from your legs which shake uncontrollably and Seungcheol groans, hips stuttering when he feels the overabundance over warm liquid spilling out around his cock, splashing against his groin and stomach, dripping onto the bed. He stills, filling you so completely full that you can’t even breath without adding to the mess you’ve both created. 

It takes several long minutes of heavy panting and blinking to get your heads on straight and he still doesn’t pull out. Not even when he slumps down against you, grinning and kissing you lazily. He’s doesn’t give a single fuck about the mess, even going to so far as pumping his hips a few times, laughing when you hide your face under your arm at the lewd sounds echoing through the room. 

It’s playful at first, those half-hearted thrusts, but then his kisses turn into little nips, his mouth starts spilling those dirty words in your ear and it’s not long until you can feel him getting hard inside of you again, having never pulled out in the first place. He keeps fucking into you slowly, swallowing the sound of your whining, revelling in the way your nails no longer just rake over his skin but painfully dig into it over his shoulder blades. 

He doesn’t stop. Doesn’t speed up. Doesn’t give you the chance to wiggle away from him when the sharp tingling of overstimulation bleeds into, “Oh, fuck, Cheol, I’m gonna come again…fuck…”

And you do until tears stream down your face and he pulls out, flips you over, and puts it right back in, fucking you brutally until he’s moaning and cumming, and you’re nearly ready to pass out in the bed you’ve both absolutely ruined. You hear him speaking but can’t make out the words and then maybe your eyes close because you’re sated and exhausted. 

It doesn’t last long though because Seungcheol is attempting to drag you from sleep because he needs to clean you both up and change the sheets before anyone crashes for the night but you’re not budging. 

Until you feel the sensation of thick fingers pushing into your cunt and you mumble aloud, “Absolutely no…straight to jail.”

Seungcheol laughs at you having not even moved when you said it and removes his hand. “I tried waking you up nicely and you kept ignoring me. Besides, it’s all starting to spill out and I like seeing you full. If you keep laying here I’m going to end up fucking it all back in and giving you more.”

Rolling onto your back takes an incredible amount of willpower and Cheol’s helping hands because your hips are stiff as all hell. He’s patient, not pushing beyond your limits even though you’re sure he could go a few more rounds without tiring in the least. Affection swirls in your chest and it takes him by surprise when you reach a hand up and around his neck to pull him down to your lips. 

HIs body relaxes into the bed, pressing his weight more firmly into the mattress to keep the pressure light where it covers your own. He kisses you tenderly, his hands moving softly and slowly over your skin, and your mind is emptied of all but the feel of him. It’s overwhelming, how deeply attuned you are to one another and yet your body continues to demand more. 

Your kiss is broken off in a choked moan, Seungcheol’s, when your hand snakes between your bodies. He drops his forehead to yours, taking in a deep, shaky breath when you rub the head of his cock into the mess between your folds. “Again?” he questions, even as his hips push forward of their own accord. 

“Again…” you breathe out, tipping your face up to catch his bottom lip with a gentle nip, “..and again, and again, and agai-”

The delirious smile on your face drops open as he pushes back inside. Your tight, swollen cunt aches with the intrusion but each shockwave that pulses through you is laced with pointed pleasure. The effort to keep his pace even and gentle is difficult but Cheol finds very quickly that there is something incredibly arrousing about slow, deep, intimate fucking. 

He’s never experienced anything like it because he’s never had you. 

Yet here you are beneath him, clawing at his back and shoulders, moaning against his throat, and he knows it will only ever be like this with you. He knew he was ruined for all others years ago but in this moment he fully understands the weight of it. 

Seungcheol will never want anyone but you.

And when you unravel together again, you look into his eyes and know it too.

The next morning it takes an unprecidented amount of effort to wake up.

Your body aches and joints pop in too many places when you stretch your limbs as if you’ve been asleep for years and not mere hours. It’s easy to pinpoint the loss of warmth at your side, Seungcheol hardly ever sleeps in and it’s evident by the smell of fresh coffee wafting in through the open bedroom door. 

Slipping into the shirt he’d left you and your jeans from last night, you wander in and out of the bathroom and head straight to the kitchen. Cheol knows you don’t drink coffee but you do love the smell of it so the sight of a full, almost untouched pot makes you laugh. His mug sits abandoned in the sink so you rinse it out and refill it, carefully balancing the full cup in your hands as you leave his apartment and head down the stairs into the garage. 

Joshua is the first person you find, unsurprising as he never seems to get hungover no matter how much he drinks the night before. He’s sitting at one of the work tables pouring over a set of blue prints for a new job when you walk by, chuckling and swatting away your hand when you ruffle his hair. “Morning Joshie.” He waves over his shoulder as you keep walking.

It’s relatively quiet in the garage for a Saturday morning but most of your crew is probably passed out from the evening prior. You would have stayed in bed longer too if someone wasn’t missing from it - someone you still haven’t found. Instead, you happen upon Jeonghan and Mingyu working on an engine…you think…again, not your expertise. 

“Well, well, well,” Jeonghan drawls as he catches you approaching from the corner of his eye, “If it’s not my darling little sister,” he grins and leans over to kiss your cheek when you stop in front of him, “Whatever are you doing here, in the garage, smelling like sex and coffee, so early on this delightful Saturday morning?”

You give your brother a deadpan stare and Mingyu snickers behind him. 

“Where’s Cheol?”

“Bringing in another delivery with Jun in the back,” Mingyu mumbles half-way under the hood with tools in hand, “Should be finishing up soon.”

Jeonghan leans against the car and crosses his arms. “Is this an official thing?”

You know he’s only asking because he loves you both so deeply that if there were any chance of it being a fling where feelings are inevitably going to be trampled, he’s putting an end to it immediately. He’s so fiercely protective that he’d step in to protect you from yourselves without hesitation.

“That man would have to be thirty feet deep in the ground to leave me.”

“Isn’t the saying ‘six-feet deep’?” Mingyu laughs, still focusing on his task.

“I said what I said and honestly thirty-feet still might not be enough - you’ll probably have to bury me with him.”

Jeonghan relaxes, shrugging off the tension in his body with a loose laugh. “Good to know,” he grins, eyes soft and gentle once more, “I always knew you’d end up together once you both gave up the world’s most stubborn ass competition.”

He’s not wrong. Who knew a little communication could go a long way? Certainly not you and Cheol.

Two cars pull up outside the open garage door across the way and you wiggle your fingers in greeting when Vernon, Hoshi, Wonwoo and Jihoon all pop out looking absolutely exhausted. You turn and set Cheol’s mug down on the counter behind you and pull out a stool to take a seat and hang out. 

“Wonwoo wouldn’t let us stop for breakfast please tell me there are still leftovers from lunch in the fridge,” Hoshi complains loudly. He absolutely still looks a little drunk.

Jihoon shoves him to the side and makes a beeline for the fridge around the corner, the two of them cursing and bickering as they go. Wonwoo and Vernon pull up a stool next to you and now you’re feeling a little guilty for only bringing one mug down. 

“Where’s Cheol?” Wonwoo asks, pushing his glasses up and shaking out his messy hair.

Jeonghan tosses a thumb in his direction, “Delivery.”

Wonwoo nods and Vernon taps your shoulder. “Hey, you’re here kinda early. Where did you go last night? Lost you at some point.”

Your cheeks heat. There are some of the guys you make crude jokes with and some you don’t - both Vernon and Wonwoo being on one side while Mingyu and Jeonghan are on the opposite. “Oh, I uhhh-”

“Notice anyone else missing last night?”

“Jeonghan-”

Vernon’s brows pinch together in thought. Mingyu stands up, setting down his tools before wiping his hands on his pants. “You know,” he grins, “Guy who lives in a garage, goofy laugh, kinda mean…”

Wonwoo breaks out in hysterics and Vernon’s grin is entirely visible though you’re sure he is trying to make it disappear when he says, “Oh! Oh okay…yeah…that makes sense. So, you’re like…yeah?”

You snort in response nodding your head. “Mhm, we’re like yeah.”

“Who’s like what?” Hoshi says around a mouthful, coming up to join you with Jihoon stomping past him empty-handed to go help Joshua. 

“Her and Cheol finally got together,” Wonwoo supplies and Hoshi’s eyes light up.

“Oh my god!!! That’s so exciting!” he dances over and drops his food on the counter, which Mingyu picks up to polish off while he’s distracted. Hoshi wraps you in a bear hug you try to fight off and then you’re up and out of your chair being squeezed and swung around, “This is such great news!!!”

Thwap.

Hoshi blinks and you slide to the floor. When he touches the back of his head, it’s wet and he turns to find a rag on the ground. It takes less than two seconds to figure out who threw it because it’s Seungcheol’s thundering voice that calls out, “Put her down and get to work, asshole.”

“Asshole?” Hoshi mutters, kicking the rag, “I’m the asshole?”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “Oh, he’s going to be unbearable,” he smacks your arm lightly, “Hey, do us all a favor. Take him back upstairs and tie him up or something would ya?”

“Inappropriate,” you snort just before big familiar arms wrap around you from behind. 

“Morning baby,” he breathes against your hair before he’s planting a hot kiss on the side of your neck, “Sleep well?”

Everyone very quickly finds a way to mind their own business. 

“Slept just fine,” you smile, turning your head to kiss him properly. “Now apologize to Hoshi, you beast.”

He sighs, dropping his head dramatically against your shoulder. “Hoshi!” he shouts across the way, “I’m sorry. Order breakfast for everyone on me.”

“All is forgiven, bro!” Hoshi salutes him in response and the others start gathering to make their requests. Food fixes almost anything in this house.

Cheol laughs and kisses your hair. “Happy?”

“Very,” you hum, turning in his arms, “Brought you coffee but it might be cold by now.”

“That was nice of you.” Now that you’re finally getting a good look at him you see he’s wearing the dark blue cargo pant, white tank top combo that drives you fucking insane. You’ll sit for literal hours on end just to watch him work on the cars in that exact outfit. Even better when he’s got oil smatterings here and there. The thick leather gloves he sometimes has hanging out of his back posket when not in use. 

Mechanic Seungcheol is one of your favorite fantasies sprung to life.

“I wasn’t doing it out of the kindness of my own heart,” you retort, “I was trying to get something out of you in return.”

“Oh?” he smirks, “Like what?”

“Kiiiinda hoping I’d get you back upstairs for a few favors.”

His hands slide along your arms until he’s managed to bring them up and around his neck and then he’s got you caged in, clasping his own low on your back. “I’m sure we can make time for that,” he mumbles along the seam of your lips, brazenly, and very openly making out with you in the next breath like there aren’t several people in the garage along with you.

“MAKE IT QUICK. WE’VE GOT SHIT TO DO.”

Cheol tosses up a middle finger in Jeonghan’s general direction and shouts back, “Well, I’ve got your sister to do and that’s more important. Work can wait.” Your mouth pops open in amusement and he takes advantage of your distraction to hoist you up into his arms, making his way toward the stairs to his apartment again. When he speaks again, it’s only loud enough for you, “I think I’ve got just enough time to fuck you over the kitchen counter and make a fresh pot of coffee before I have to come back down, whoop your brother’s ass, and get back to work.”

“Your time management skills are-” you cling onto him a little tighter as he starts up the steps, “- very impressive.”

“You should see my oral presentation skills.”

With that in mind, you lean over his shoulder and shout down, “YOU CAN HAVE HIM BACK IN AN HOUR.”

“AN HOUR?!” Jeonghan hollers back, absolutely exasperated because he knows this is going to be an ongoing battle for months if not years on end. “WHAT PART OF WE GOT SHIT TO DO DID YOU TWO NOT UNDERSTAND?”

Cheol sighs and puts you down to open the door, hanging over the railing with a flat look on his face. “I’ll rip the transmission out of your car with my bare hands and toss it into the river if you open this door.”

Jeonghan scoffs but Cheol grins and cuts him off, “And then i’ll take the knife in your glovebox and split open every individual stitch in the interior.”

Those are serious fighting words between car guys. You think.

Jeonghan narrows his eyes and then huffs, hands on his hips. “You guys are the worst.”

Cheol blows your brother a kiss as you drag him inside and you can catch a hint of amusement on Jeonghan’s face just before you seal yourselves inside. 

You’re okay with being the worst, so is Seungcheol. 

Maybe being a couple of lowlifes isn’t such a bad thing after all.

Thanks for reading! 💖

SVT M.List | Main M.List

→ Please do NOT copy, repost, or translate, any of my works here on tumblr or on any other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, Milfgyuu, 2019. ©️

[worldstarz]

persona 3 spoilers (part 2!)

pairing: shinjiro aragaki x fem!reader

tags: angst

a/n: continuation of this post. i will edit this as soon as i wake up in the morning but i told myself i will not go to bed until this leaves my drafts bc it’s been marinating for like five days. also what is the title of this two part thing??

HUGE SPOILER WARNING FOR OCTOBER IN PERSONA 3 !!!

———

it still smells like him.

the room is barren. shinjiro never wanted to leave his mark on the world, trying to erase his own existence. but, as you lie on the sheets that have yet to be changed, the subtle musky scent engulfs you.

“it still smells like him,” you repeat your thoughts aloud, as if by addressing it would make it permanent.

maybe this was weird. if he were here, standing before you, he would be staring down at you with a quirked brow. “what the hell are you doing?”

why did he come to your room that night? what purpose did he have, knowing his own fate?

you try not to cry. you’ve cried enough already, and the image of shinjiro in your head would certainly scold you, telling you to just get up and get some food with him.

but he’s not here.

sure, it’s not what he would’ve wanted, but you make yourself comfortable on his bed. it’s the least he could do after confessing his desire for you, knowing he would die the same day.

lying on your back, you allow your mind to wander. why does it feel like you’re the only one stuck in the past? how has everyone been able to bounce back so quickly? hell, akihiko is basically his brother and he’s already moved on. speaking of moving on, amada’s completely—

fuck, what is wrong with you?

for the past few days, you tried to block these festering thoughts. being open minded was what lead you to be so close to shinjiro. akihiko just processes his grief differently, while amada was just a kid blinded by revenge.

but still…

you sit up abruptly. he wouldn’t want this.

you swing your legs over the edge of the bed and plant your feet on the ground. he wouldn’t want this.

you stand up, smoothing over your clothes. he wouldn’t want this.

but what the hell do you even know about him? how do you know what he would want? you couldn’t even become close enough to figure out what plagued his mind during his every waking moment. maybe if you did, you would’ve been able to stop—

no. he wouldn’t want this either.

just like how he would want akihiko, amada, and everyone else to come together and move on. he would not want you beating yourself up over something you weren’t involved in.

you take a deep breath in, then out. in. out. okay. you’ve got this. this is your last day to be in his room before everything is moved out. all that will remain is the memory of him. everyone else already got a turn a few days ago, so this is your last chance to preserve whatever fragments of him are left in here.

the drawer to his desk is slightly ajar. out of respect for his privacy, you begin to shut it, but something oddly familiar peaks out.

is that…?

with wide eyes and shaky hands, you reach in.

it’s a photo of the two of you, back when shinjiro still went to school, before you had any ideas about why he came to class everyday all beat up.

you’re smiling, holding up a peace sign, while shinjiro glared at the camera. it was a picture taken to commemorate the end of junior high school—one that took a lot of convincing for him to agree to.

on the back, sprawled in your handwriting, you wrote;

“shinjiro,

i found this picture of us from the last day of junior high! it’s weird how much time has passed.

have you been eating well? how is your sleep? are you still growing out your hair? i know you’re not feeling well, but as soon as your health improves, we should hang out again.

also, i miss seeing you in class. hurry up and get better! i need someone to talk to!

-[name]

11/04/08”

it takes you a second, but you do remember writing this. judging by the date, it was roughly a month after he took his leave of absence, citing medical issues. you didn’t have much contact with him outside of school, so you relied on akihiko to transport the photo to him.

you crouch down, trying to get ahold of your emotions. you’ve done enough crying. he wouldn’t want you to waste so many tears on him.

but haven’t you been ignoring his wishes already?

you bury your face in your hands in a pathetic attempt to muffle your sobs. physically, nobody was in here. but for you, shinjiro was everywhere. in this room, in the hallways, in the lounge, on the streets, at school—he followed you everywhere. your morale bent under the weight of his memory.

only now do you realize there will come a day where you will have known the grief longer than you have known him.

but this pain is better than never knowing him in the first place.

shinjiro, who secretly cooked meals for koromaru.

shinjiro, who never let you go to bed on an empty stomach.

shinjiro, who tried to push you away, but failed.

shinjiro, who held you close hours before his death.

shinjiro, who didn’t want to leave his mark on the world, but left a mark on you.

the grief will never go away. you will carry it with you wherever you go, and the weight of it will never diminish. but, you can grow around it. you will grow around it.

because that’s what he would’ve wanted.

[gold-rhine]

Something funny to justify archon skins: What if there's an event in were Zhongli is chosen to play a part in a play BUT the play is about Morax and his deeds in the past so...

Zhongli dressed as himself but no one else but him and a few others know it (Venti is laughing his ass of at the sight)

so there's like a liyue community event about like both honoring the old gods and about how in the new era mortals are stepping up to fill their shoes, you know, the general liyue theme. and they hold like contests for representing the gods and Hu Tao enters Zhongli as Rex Lapis bc she fucking knows who he is and is a giant troll. He's like "I would PREFER NOT TO", but she's "I'm your boss, old man :3 Go do it >:3". He tries to fail the vote and there are comedic shenanigans, but ofc he wins and has to play himself. It's very meta and is about coming in terms with ppl's ideas of him which are not actually true, but he cannot change his image now and he has to play the role of how mortals see him

Xiao is playing himself without humans knowing who he is, bc Hu Tao used Traveler to rope him in and because his arc about integrating into mortal society has to be the most awkward and uncomfortably out of his comfort zone thing ever. He has to do a small dance section, which he originally protests wildly, but secretly pleased to do it bc always wanted to dance, and it goes great and everyone loves it. Ganyu is playing cloud retainer which she also didn't choose to.

Ning enters and everyone thinks she's gonna play some beautiful goddess, but she chooses Azhdaha. Keqing is voted to be Guizhong which is fitting bc she's also a spunky innovator, but this makes it incredibly awkward for Zhongli bc she sends half of the time fangirling about rex lapis and the other half giving Zhongli "constructive criticism" about how he can improve his Rex Lapis impression. Ganyu and Keqing have cute gay scenes together, while Ning is not cooperating at all and is just godzilla-stomping around and roaring at every chance while Zhongli stands there with a thousand yards stare.

in the end Ning says it was a clever scheme to shift public perception of her from the conniving manipulator, but in reality she was just sick of being a strategic mastermind all the time and reveled in an opportunity to just hulk out in brute strength and have fun. Beidou says it was hot and she liked seeing that side of Ning, they flirt.

cloud retainer is here as an honored adeptus guest, and she fucking decimates both Ganyu and Zhongli for their bad performances, but compliments Xiao. xiao has a small tet-a-tet talk with the traveler about how he's surprised that both the dance went well and that he liked doing it, how he thought that as a yaksha he can only be good for fighting, but turns out he can be a part of smth beautiful that brings ppl joy. traveler reassures him that he was great and encourages him to try finding himself, it's v cute and it's the logical step in my dream scenario of xiao's arc eventually culminating in him becoming a theater dancer

[allhailbrokeloose]

so youve watched another bl and you need the world to learn about it

so yeah i watched ifylita and i need to talk about it so.. hello again tumblr? youve changed.. not for the best as always.. the cut is for SPOILERS. so the series is..

okay ig? its watchable which is already an achievement for a bl. but boy is it unnecessary long, it feels like they forcefully tried to make it longer, the perfect episode length would be 30-40 min, definitely Not an hour+.

the plot is interesting, the actors are ok, even tho i had to get used to the one assigned bottom and his acting choices, but he grown on me towards the end of the series lol (and research has shown he has killer abs btw). assigned top is imo super attractive, so zero questions to lead actors, they both are smart cookies and sunk the ship even before it had the chance to sail, everyone else in the industry should just watch and learn.

ive read somewhere (it was tw*tter ofc where else duh) that its hotter than kp. i mean.. as much as im ready to jump kp every given chance, the comparison here is improper. clearly they wasnt trying to make anything even remotely like kp, i actually think they tried to make an anti-kp, which i think is good as people shouldn't be given those nasty plots bc apparently they can't be normal about it. in short no, its not hotter than kp and imo its more in the cute/warm/comfortable department than anything else.

other things i liked about it:

head of the family whose 1) daughter is a lesbian who is going to a*ort his fav evil son-in-law's child and runaway with a super cute female servant to have a career in politics 2) son is gay and going to France without asking him 3) wife Suddenly remembered she's a human being and can talk with her mouth. everything is in 1928 mind. you cant help but feel some sympathy for the devil lol

two beautiful wives of a scum character ganging up on him we cheered

bad guys getting their karma, yes please we lack it irl

a character who you'd expect to try and ruin main cp's happiness actually helping them

characters' relationships in different timelines

plumeria. btw thanks for letting me know its poisonous, i always wanted to munch on it

the last episode i cried like a bitch which came as a surprise to me bc i felt almost nothing towards the main characters throughout the series, idk could be bc i was drunk watching it lol

things that could have been improved: episode length111, ost, opening credits design ofc or it wouldn't be a bl, the way assigned top character was more than willing to abandon the Love of His Life bc yk 🌟Studying🌟

my verdict: totally worth watching, But only if you are patient enough to stand artificially extended screen time bc sometimes its unbearable, i was gonna drop it about three times and its only 12 episodes, but im glad that i didnt, it has something.. lingering.. yk

[gracegrove]

This conversation started out civil you know... you jumped straight into the deep end because???? But cool. I'm here for it.

*We don't know that Billy "made her life hell". Did he make Max's life difficult? Yeah. Sure. It's very difficult to deal with, interact with, live with, and try to support anyone in an abusive household especially when you also live in that same household.

You do realize that Max said Billy "made my life a living hell" and that she "wanted him out of my life" as a lure right? Or do you truly just want to interpret that scene that literally. Only at face value. Because if you do... then you also have to accept Max's words (literally) that Max can't forgive herself because she does feel responsible for Billy's death. Why she feels she deserves retribution. And that she feels that if she dies it would be deserved. That's the logic you have to follow. And yet here you are only cherry-picking half of Max's logic because it's easier for you to displace something uncomfortable about a character you like and feel is a victim to remain spotless. You don't want Max to look like she truly cares about Billy or that she herself wished harm on Billy (bc you don't mention that you only mentioned the more tender parts about victimhood).

If the fault lies completely with Billy and Max is only a punching bag to him. And we don't talk at all about how Max feels on the matter in any given breath... we can make it all Billy's fault. Because Billy's a horrible person? Am I getting that right?

You can be angry with someone. You can both hate and love someone. Someone can die and you can feel guilty about it even when there was nothing you could do. You can feel like someone is ruining your life or making it hell or even want them dead... and still love them. People have these kinds of family relationships all the time.

You can also by hyper-fucking-bolic and say your life is hell when in actuality it's just extremely stressful.

When she says she wished Billy would have crashed his car, she mentioned how guilty that makes her feel because she loves him. "I've tried to forgive myself..." "I've tried but I can't" because she genuinely cares about him.

She didn't want Billy out of her life. Max in s3 was speaking with El about how their relationship as siblings was improving. Why would you try to mend a relationship with someone if you don't care about them? Or if you want them gone? You wouldn't. You'd avoid them. The implication was that Max and Billy were growing closer the more they were becoming settled into Hawkins.

If she wanted Billy gone why even run to him after he was impaled by the mindflayer? Why not just continue to stand there in shock like everyone else? Why did she fight when El was separating her from Billy's body? Because she cares about him.

And yes babe, she did have a buffer. The buffer is that she isn't being directly abused by Neil. He is the one who sets both Billy's and Max's environment up to evolve and run in such a toxic dynamic in the first place. If there was no Neil. There would be a much greater chance that Max and Billy's relationship would have room to breathe and heal. There's also a high likelihood that Billy wouldn't be the Billy he became if it wasn't for Neil. So don't take my words out of context and then act like there's no precipitant for Billy's actions when their are.

Babe babe babe. Again with the cherry-picking and taking words out of context. Read what I wrote before you quote it. If I get you super stressed out, make you feel cornered, and just keep pushing and pushing and pushing you until you get to a point where you react and swing at me. In that split second are you (in your mind going to stop and think "oh i shouldn't punch her in her stupid face... that would be wrong.") No. You're just going to straight up swing at me, because you're reacting in a moment of stress. That's the point.

Can you tell yourself after and realize that the behavior was wrong. Yes. Can I tell you after you hit me that the behavior was wrong? Yes. But in the split second, while a reaction is being carried out no one has the capacity to tell themselves "oh i can't do this its wrong". you either have to have the capacity and skills in place to keep yourself from reaching that point in the first place which Billy lacks, or you have to come back to it after the action has occurred.

I never said Billy lacks the capacity to know what he does is wrong, aggressive, or excessive. What I said is that Billy is so hyperaroused because of the abuse he's been subject to that he is combative or reactive around others and doesn't take into account that his actions are overly aggressive, excessive, or frightening. Because he's in an altered mental state. It would be like telling a bull that's charging at you in a small room to full-on stop because the bull should know that's dangerous. The bull is going to charge because it's already in a distressed state and you're not going to be able to change it's behavior until after the charge.

Understand what the difference between action/response and reaction is:

It's crazy that Billy fans can blame everyone but Billy.

There was a comment on Tiktok that said "Max did this to herself she wanted to feel guilty she chose it. Billy was already dead."

This is the answer I got. (I couldn't find the original comment but I did find the answers this person gave me.)

Like wtf?

And yes I know. Billy had a bad life too, his father wasn't a good person but that's no excuse.

Do you know who else has a life like Billy? Max.

But did she turn into an abusive racist? No.

I know that trauma can affect people differently. But that doesn't mean you can be racist and abusive.

And please don't tell me, "But there was no one with Billy." No one was there because Billy was rude to them.

[shima-draws]

Me, clapping my hands: SUPPORT COURSE IZUKU! SUPPORT COURSE IZUKU!! ...WITH A PROSTHETIC!!

I’m sure people have had this idea before but I wanted to put my own spin on it!! And now for the info:

-Izuku's been fascinated with heroes since a young age. However, after finding out he was quirkless, he refused to give up, and switched gears to start investing in the support field. He figured if he couldn't be a pro hero he could at least do his best to help them and be a hero in his own way.

-Izuku's an absolute GENIUS when it comes to inventing--he's on par with Hatsume. However, Hatsume focuses more on support items that break convention and are very innovative and unique. Izuku's focus is more on items that actually help heroes on the field and support their bodies, and items that also allow them to use their quirks to their full extent while still being able to control them properly. (Basically, Izuku's gadgets act as a control stick for heroes that go all out i.e. Toshi.) He also makes a lot of gadgets that support disabled heroes, because--

-Izuku has a prosthetic arm! It's his right one. This was the result of a villain attack that he got involved in after meeting All Might. Toshi blames himself for what happened to Izuku because he couldn't get there in time. He and Izuku are very close--Izuku knows the secret behind Toshi's appearance and he knows about One For All. Mirio is the one to inherit OFA in this AU--so Izuku's very close to him as well! Izuku makes support items for both Toshi and Mirio, to support their quirks. Izuku's gadgets have saved Toshi in a pinch a hundred times over, and are designed to support him when he needs that extra push when he's already reached his limit.

There is more ahead~

-After Izuku lost his arm in the villain accident, Bakugou does a total 180 and starts treating him better. From the start their relationship was less strained than in canon bc Izuku went into doing stuff for support early on, and Bakugou didn't see this as much as a threat compared to if Izuku still wanted to be a pro hero despite being quirkless. Nowadays Bakugou is VERY protective of Izuku--and both of them have reached a point where they're genuine friends. Izuku teases Bakugou a lot and easily snarks back at him when he's being a little shit. Bakugou won't ever admit it openly but Izuku is his best friend :') He cares about him  a lot. He used to defend Izuku constantly back in middle school after the accident, but Izuku soon learned to stand up for himself.

-Going off of that, Bakugou taught Izuku how to fight physically, and they try to spar once or twice a week if they can! It's good practice. Izuku was awful at it at first especially since his sense of balance was off due to the weight of the prosthetic, but Bakugou's a good teacher despite all his shouting lmao. Now Izuku can easily hand his ass to him if he gets into it enough. He can handle himself in a fight pretty brilliantly, even against villains, and Class 1-A quickly learns not to underestimate him.

-Bakugou refuses to get support items from anybody else but Izuku. He bitches at Izuku a lot but Izuku always takes his advice--Bakugou usually offers good tips and pointers on how to improve his gauntlets! Baku always says that while Izuku fucks up all the time (false), he at least trusts him enough to get the job done, while he scorns the rest of the support course fnjdsdd

-Since Izuku isn't in Class 1-A in this AU--guess who is? Yeah, it's Shinsou! Besides Baku Shinsou is probably Izuku's other closest friend, along with Hatsume! Shinsou's got a crush on Izuku and probably knows it won't be reciprocated, but he's fine with that. If Shinsou isn't in class he's most likely hanging out in the development studio with Izuku and Hatsume. The three of them are kinda like a mini Big Three haha, they've got a reputation around UA

-Do not put Izuku and Hatsume in the same room together or they'll bounce insane ideas off of each other and create outrageous things. They get each other super fired up LMAO and go to each other for advice when they need it!

-Izuku has the biggest, most obvious and absolutely endearing crush on one (1) Shouto Todoroki. Bakugou teases him about it CONSTANTLY. The reason for this is because they actually met back in middle school, before Izuku lost his arm--and Todoroki just made a really memorable impression on him bc he was the first person to ever treat him really kindly (they bumped into each other on accident because Izuku was getting chased by bullies, Izuku scraped up his hands, Todoroki chased off the bullies and then iced his injuries, and then they had a really deep conversation about heroes and encouraged each other). Todoroki kinda becomes Izuku's first love in that sense;; ofc it's nothing super serious but Izuku definitely feels all floaty and happy about it afterward. When Izuku gets into UA and notices that Todoroki's in the hero course he almost has a stroke because 1. Izuku gave him encouragement to get into UA waaaay back then and he's shocked Todoroki actually took his advice, 2. He finds out that Todoroki is in fact Todoroki bc they never gave each other their names, so Izuku's Shook his "first love" is actually the son of Endeavor, and 3. Todoroki's grown. He was pretty back in middle school but now. He's hot. HE'S HOT OH NO. After that Izuku keeps noticing him and hears rumors that Todoroki is an ice cold prince type character that has no real feelings. Izuku's like "Someone who takes the time out of their day to save you, heal your hands, and encourage you on your path to be a hero can't be that type of person" so Izuku just KNOWS Todo's actually a very kind boy. Izuku keeps watching him and gets super smitten after the Sports Festival ;) But he's like "He's practically famous, he'd never notice somebody like me, he probably doesn’t even remember me from middle school, haha" (so it's a bit like a celebrity crush). Shinsou and Hatsume bug him about his crush just to see him get flustered and it's very cute lol

-The second time Izuku and Todoroki meet is a goddamn mess and technically counts as their first because Todoroki has a shit memory and can't connect Izuku's face to the boy he met in middle school (also that boy definitely had two flesh arms and Izuku only has one). Todoroki walks in right as one of Izuku's gadgets explodes, absolutely showering him in dust and soot. Izuku freaks out and apologizes a lot while he helps him clean up (while Hatsume is teasing in the background). Note that Izuku's only wearing like a tanktop and sweats, and his hair is all messy and swept back especially since he's wearing his trademark goggles, he's covered in sweat and dirt, he has a really cool looking prosthetic (and Todoroki didn't realize he'd have a thing for that but apparently he does), and Izuku's really fucking toned so Todoroki has a big ol Gay Crisis right there in the development studio. Izuku is INCREDIBLY attractive and Todoroki doesn't know what to do with that info. After Izuku cleans up and manages to get an order for a support item out of Todo, Todo leaves and immediately texts Momo saying, "Yaoyorozu, I think I just had my gay awakening" and on the other side of campus, Momo chokes on her drink. Meanwhile back in the studio Izuku is SCREAMING like "Oh my GOD did that really just happen--did Shouto Todoroki walk in, get blasted by one of my inventions going haywire, let me clean him up and TOUCH HIS CHEST, HATSUME, I GOT TO FEEL HIM UP, and THEN HE ASKED ME TO TAKE AN ORDER, I'M GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST. TELL MY MOTHER AND TOSHI I LOVED THEM AND TELL TODOROKI I'M SORRY FOR GETTING HIS PERFECT BEAUTIFUL HAIR DIRTY" and she's just laughing her ass off LMAOOOO

-It isn't until their third meeting that Izuku realizes Todoroki doesn't seem to remember him at ALL. And it stings, a lot (but he kinda figured this would happen esp since Todo didn’t recognize him the last time they talked), but he's still happy for the chance to know him now, and get to design support items for him!! Meanwhile Todo's like. Starting to catch on that maybe he DOES know Izuku after all? He isn't sure? But he's definitely falling for him. 

I’ve got more headcanons and stuff but yeah this is all the basics!!! I got so excited to flesh this AU out and make designs fnasjkbdnasds it’s definitely gonna be a fun one to play around with!

I want to either call this the Support Course Hero AU or maybe just Support Hero AU would work--what do you guys think?

[thesmpisonfire]

If Las Nevadas fall I'll cry. I'll feel like shit even worse than when L'Manberg was destroyed.

I don't think the Las Nevadas crew deserve any of this shit being pulled on them. They didn't deserve Quackity playing with them to make them enter the nation and now, when they finally decided to join and maybe even heal, they don't deserve to be boxed like that.

They don't deserve to be called the villains for trying to have a home, they don't deserve to be threatened left and right for defending the place they're trying to live. That land was theirs. No one else claimed shit there.

Tubbo was spying on them and then tried to cover it. They built the outpost and the only thing Las Nevadas did was broke some windows and place dirt and stone. THERE WERE TOTEMS OF UNDYING IN THE CHEST AND LAS NEVADAS LEFT IT THERE, because they just wanted the outpost to leave and didn't want to make it something big.

Then, came the first wall and the lava gate. Las Nevadas response? A Toll Both. That's it. A gate that didn't even had a gate. THE OUTPOST HAS A FUCKING GHAST CANNON, but Las Nevadas is the dangerous party here, ain't they?

Quackity, for more shitty his actions has been lately, also is a product of what the server did to him. He tried to be peaceful before, when he had nothing, and all that came was pain. He learnt, from the big leaders, that you have to manipulate your people to get them on your side. He learnt that, in order to be peaceful, you need the power to do so.

So, that's what he did! He manipulated people to join his country and, after that? Quackity really hadn't done anything bad. Hell, he even gave them a choice. You can say anything you want, but that choice choices as genuine. Quackity never wanted to hire an army, he wanted people that could improve his nation and could be his citizens. Even to Fundy, who is legally obligated to fight, he extended the possibility of a choice.

And they all stayed, because guess what? That's the only thing giving their purpose rn. Maybe if Quackity was the one to put this idea in their minds, its true. They know that. Purpled came in bc the UFO was destroyed, but, really, did he had a purpose beforehand? Foolish just built and built, now he has a reason to why do that. And Fundy, the official left behind man, finally has a place where people look at him and care. Even Quackity, he is there bc thats his lifeboat. He originally made this country for El Rapids, but they all left him. So, he was desperate and used his words to get new people. And he meant it when he said he would always protect the ones who protect him.

They are all there bc the server failed them. They wouldn't be manipulated if the server had tried to heal them.

Tubbo going "you disappeared!" as if he also didn't fly off to build Snowchester. The only difference is that Tubbo was never abandoned. Ranboo can pretend to keep his moral high ground as much as he wants, but his friendships all lie in blood. He points everyone's flaws but not his own. He stands by the fight and says "its their fault, I am not involved" when the pure action to not do anything is his fault.

Las Nevadas has nothing. They only have each other and that piece of land. That's their last chance to be happy in their eyes.

Tubbo and Ranboo have Snowchester far away and out of danger, they have Michael who is also out of danger. They have nukes. Ranboo is allied with Philza and Technoblade, the guys who caused Doomsday. They have no positions to look at 5 people armed only with the netherite in their bodies and say "They are dangerous and deserve to be boxed and threatened".

Quackity doesn't even want to fight!! He was ready to give up at their plot of land and just build around it. He allowed Tubbo to spy on them, as long as the big stone was taken down. Quackity did anything to set peace, because he thought he finally had power to do so.

But he was wrong, he is the most powerless of that situation.

Las Nevadas was trying to heal in themselves, and they don't deserve to have a nuke pointed to their faces because someone else said they didn't had the rights to do so.

[ramzawrites]

Hey, so I'm having a really rough time rn (dealing with bs from my friend group, we have to take my really old dog to the vet today bc we found blood in her pee and we're scared that she won't make it this time, I'm struggling with my mental health, I'm just kinda goin thru it rn ig) so I would love a comfort fic with the sbi maybe with the reader as their sibling where the reader is the one that always comforts the fam, but hides their emotions until (1/2, very sorry about splitting it)

(2/2) something happens that makes the reader have a full on breakdown? I'll leave the rest to you, it can be a good or bad ending, headcanons or one shots, anything. You can ignore this request if you want/if it makes you uncomfortable. Please don't feel pressured/guilt tripped to write anything from this, your mental health comes first and I'm sure you're already really busy. Reminder to eat something today if you haven't yet and get a drink of water <3

We are family - Reader and SBI!Brothers

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Wilbur, Technoblade, Tommy, (mentioned) Niki, (mentioned) Schlatt

Warnings: n/a

Series: a request <3

Summary: Y/N came back from an errand and surprises their brothers with their weird behavior. Trying to put on their usual smile, trying to hide away their real emotions but their brothers know them better than they inititally suspected. They could immediately tell that something must have happened.

Words count: 2060

Authors Note: I’m so sorry this took so long! I hope you and your dog are doing better! 💙 I wish I could give you more than words of encouragement and that I managed to get faster to this request, I apologize Please make sure to take care of yourself, alright? Take time for yourself to deal with the stress and anxiety! Make sure to stay hydrated and remember to eat! Even if it’s just something small!

Once again I apologize for the long wait, I felt really bad already and then I kinda put it off because I felt bad.

adhd hit hard again and haven’t checked for typos yet, but will get on it as soon as I can o7

On another note if you want to read another comfort fic; I have a small series called “A Painful Reminder” which is more angsty but the 2nd part is more about the comfort, if that is something for you 

Living in the SMP was chaotic, turbulent and at times downright painful.

Most people tended to gravitate to one cause or other people to deal with this. Holding on to something so they don’t get pulled under. Get buried beneath the chaos and the violence.

So having people like Y/N around was like a godsend. They were one of the few people that seemed to be able to withstand the constant waves of misfortune and stand strong. Be the rock to hold onto when everything got too overwhelming.

Wilbur, Technoblade and Tommy loved their sibling for it.

After Wilbur and Tommy got exiled with Y/N out of L’Manberg, they were there and cheered both of their siblings up. Immediately making plans on how to set up a safe home and collecting ideas on how to get back. They were the one who managed to get a message out to Technoblade and asked him to visit them. Maybe help them.

Wilbur often jokingly said that Y/N was the glue that held the family together, to which they would always reply with the warmest of smiles “I’m glad.”

And what he said was true. Whenever the family fell on hard times and they began to drift apart it was Y/N who pulled all of them back. Pulling them back to reality and giving solutions for their problems if needed.

Sitting down with Wilbur when things got to much. Listening to his thoughts and worries, letting his emotion run freely without judgement. While they looked worried for him, their comforting smile never faltered. Offering him solutions to problems if he wanted it, otherwise they gave him the chance to just air his own thoughts out. To be angry with him. Sad with him.

Working with Tommy on his own projects. Listening to his ideas and giving him a different perspective that could improve some things but also respecting it when Tommy wanted to do this his way. And while he liked to brag and pretend that some things didn’t hit him that hard, they were still patiently listening to him as he spoke about his own pain in a more roundabout way. Telling him that he was not alone and making him feel heard.

Talking to Technoblade whenever the voices got too loud or out of hand again. He would just walk over to them and nudge them away, asking them to talk about something, no matter what. He just needed to hear their voice and be able to concentrate on it. Tune out the garbled voices in his head with a familiar sound that calmed him down no matter what. Leaning against them, slowly falling asleep as Y/N told all about how they were happily working on their own farm and what shenanigans they got up to.

Y/N really was like the warm sun on a cold day. Warming them up and protecting them.

Yes, Y/N was strong. So strong that even Technoblade considered them stronger than him. Maybe not physically but mentally and emotionally.

A clanging of metal rung through the cave. Techno was training with Wilbur while Tommy was just watching. Cheering on Techno.

It wasn’t an unusual situation and something Y/N expected to see as they made their way down the staircase. Wilbur in full iron armor and weapon while Techno just fought back with his own iron sword.

“Hey, Y/N! Welcome back!” Wilbur breathed out. Sweat running down the side of his face as he stopped attacking his brother.

The three men looked happily over to their sibling who slowly walked towards them but soon their expressions fell. Something was off about Y/N and it confused the three.

Their smile was as always plastered on their face but it looked strained. Their eyes wide open, trying to look sincere and loving but the glassy look of them gave off a different picture.

“Y/N? You okay?” Tommy asked as he stood up from the ground. Taking a step closer to them which made them in return stop in their tracks.

Y/N was hugging themself, shakily opening up their mouth to answer but nothing came out. It was then when Techno got very aware of how they were shaking in general.

This all seemed so wrong. This shouldn’t be possible. It just didn’t seem to register fully inside their minds.

Wilbur made sure to get rid off his sword and armor as fast as he could, walking over to his sibling, trying to get a better look at them but they just avoided his gaze.

Staring at the ground, slowly shaking their head “It’s- It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You aren’t. You really aren’t. What happened? Did they find you?” Techno asked, his voice full with worry. A bit of anger hidden as well.

Y/N had their own little farm in order to support Pogtopia. The potatoes from Techno were great but variety is important after all. Though they also had an abundance of wheat they usually tried to smuggle into Manberg for Niki. Trying to help her out as much as possible with her taxes and work.

This time Y/N nodded “They did… It’s fine though. I’m fine. I’m not hurt. It’s all good.”

Wilbur’s frown deepened “Usually when people have to be so adamant about being okay something isn’t alright.”

Tommy nodded, supporting his statement only to whisper to himself “Adamant? What does-“

But Wilbur continued “We are your family, talk to us.”

Y/N licked their chapped lips “I’m-“

The tears finally escaped their eyes and begun streaming down their face. Sobbing they fell down on the ground. Wilbur immediately followed suit, laying his arm around them and pulling them against his chest. His hand flew up to their head and begun going through their hair, trying to calm them down. Humming a soft tune from their childhood.

It was the first time in their lives they saw Y/N break down like that and it was quite frankly shocking.

Unsure what to do with himself Tommy squatted down “Um, uh, what- what happened?”

Techno was still gripping the iron sword in his hand. Pacing up and down. Manberg found them? What the hell did they do to make Y/N break down like that? His own sibling! Whatever it was he would make sure to pay it back a thousand times over.

“Tommy can you grab them some water?” Wilbur laid his chin on top of Y/N’s head, rubbing circles now on their back.

He didn’t even hesitate, jumping up to run towards one of the chests with food items that Y/N had always ready for them. Grabbing a water bottle and running back over. Happy that he could do something else besides staring.

Tommy then pushed the bottle towards Y/N who gratefully took it, putting some space between them and Wilbur as they drank some of the cold liquid which helped them to calm down.

“You ready to tell us what happened?” Techno stopped pacing around. His gaze purely trained on his crying sibling. Anger still rising in him just like the voices.

Screaming things like “Technosib! How dare they hurt them! Protect them! I love Y/N so much! Why would anyone hurt Y/N! They always help us! Let’s help them for a change! Technosib! Let’s go out and fight them! Yeah! Blood for the Blood God and Y/N!”

Y/N’s voice was still wavering and a bit scratchy from their sobbing as they begun speaking “Hey, hey! Techno don’t concentrate on the voices. Listen to me. It’s all good.”

This somehow made Techno angry. He threw the sword away and finally knelt down next to them as well so his face was on the same eye level as theirs “Stop. Please. Stop thinking about us for one second. Stop trying to not make us uncomfortable or worried! Tell us what happened! Please.”

He was basically begging at the last part. All his worry packed into it.

“Yeah, honestly you trying to make sure everything is okay for us makes us even more worried.” It surprised the others a bit that this came from Tommy but he was correct.

Tears fell down their face again “I- I was just delivering more wheat to Niki and someone must have followed me. They followed me back to my farm and- and- they burned my fields down. There were explosions. I- it was just my farm. I did not harm. Just, why does it always have to end like this. Why do all the good things always end like this. Why can’t this place let something be. There is always something.”

The farm was so important to Y/N. It was their little project they put so much sweat, love and work into. It was their home away from home. A place to retreat and enjoy some peace. This obviously was devastating. It was their one thing they had for themself. The one thing that wasn’t there for anyone else but them.

It was also clear that this seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back and it broke the three a bit that they only now seemed to notice this. That it took that long and their whole farm being destroyed for the realize this was heartbreaking.

“Who?” Techno urged but Y/N shook their head.

“I don’t know. Everything went so fast and I tried to save as much as I could but- but it’s all gone. It’s all gone.” Their voice jumped up an octave at the end, burying their face against Wilbur’s shoulder again. Silently sobbing.

It should have been impossible but Wilbur’s frown deepened and his expression turned more grim “Don’t worry. We will get back at them. We will get our revenge. They will see firsthand what they did to you, I promise.”

Shocked Y/N looked up, their red and puffy eyes wide open “Wil, that’s not what I- no revenge. There is already too much misery going around I just want this to stop. I just want all of us being able to live in peace.”

Wilbur should have known that Y/N was too good natured for that but he couldn’t help himself. He was just so angry. Angry at Schlatt and Manberg. That they went for him was one thing but to go out of their way to treat Y/N like this? Let’s just say he put it on the list in bold letters with reasonings on why he will get back at the Manberg faction.

“Listen Y/N.” Techno begun, his voice now calm again “Stop it. Just for once think about yourself. Stop thinking about others for once. You are also worthy of the same care you give us. Let us at least help rebuild your farm. You always help us with our projects, let us help you with yours.”

Tommy seemed to lit up at that “That sounds like a good idea! We could build towers around your new farm and make sure no one gets in! We could put down traps and all!”

He really wasn’t sure how to react but that was at least something he could do for them. As the past General’s right hand man, this should be something he can do. If he couldn’t protect his sibling how could he ever hope to get L’Manberg back.

Wilbur seemed to think about it for a bit but agreed “Yeah, how does that sound?” Though the dark glint in his eyes stayed. The cogs in head still running off with his own thoughts.

“You guys would? Since when can you guys build?” a dry laugh escaped them but it was a laugh nonetheless.

Both Tommy and Wilbur looked almost appalled at that claim while Techno just shrugged and nodded. Just looking around Pogtopia was more functioning than good looking after all. Y/N tried to pretty it up a bit but usually something always happened around here.

“Also Y/N, please talk to us more. Don’t bottle everything up. Please. We worry a lot about you and we love you. You always do so much for us, let us do the same.” Wilbur pushed Y/N a bit off of him and looked them deep into their eyes, hoping that this would really hammer in that this was a genuine plea.

As a respone Y/N wiped the tears off their face “I understand. I’ll try to remember that.”

“Don’t try just do it.”

[iam93percentstardust]

Prompt: tony can’t get enough of Steve’s strength and Steve loves it bc he’s still quite self conscious of his body? 💚

I realized halfway through writing this that you probably meant for a canon-compliant fic, but I was already so deep into the worldbuilding for this little science fiction fic (seriously, you don't even know how much unnecessary worldbuilding I did) so I kept with it

Also on ao3 here!

~

“Steve!” Tony hollers through the communicator. Steve glances up from the board game he’s playing with Natasha and Clint and over at where the communicator hangs from the ship’s wall. He still doesn’t really understand the technology behind the communicators even after a year of being awake, but they’re hung all over the Avenger’s Shieldand he won’t deny that they’re useful.

“I’m here,” he says at a normal volume, knowing that JARVIS will easily pick up what he’s saying and transmit it to Tony. Tony’s just being loud because he’s always loud and because he’s down in the engine room of the ship with all its noises from the conversion of stardust into energy.

“Great! I need your muscley goodness down here like yesterday.”

Steve hides a smile and stands, passing his pieces off to Clint, who’s losing worse than either Steve or Natasha. “Here, you can have mine. Not sure how long I’ll be down there.”

Clint’s eyes narrow and Steve tries not to fidget under the cybernetic enhancements. When he went into the ice nearly three hundred years ago, mankind didn’t even dream of space travel, at least not realistic space travel, and now they’ve got colonies on galaxies as far away from their own, it makes his head spin. Humans have peace treaties with over two thousand alien civilizations. And mechanical body enhancements, meant to augment humans for travel and work and sometimes sheer entertainment, are as common as breathing. But Steve, with his serum-induced enhancements, is somehow still the odd one out.

“You know,” Clint says, “you don’t have to help him out if you don’t want to. Tony means well but that doesn’t mean he can’t be abrasive sometimes.”

“I don’t mind,” Steve says truthfully. Everyone else on this ship seems to dance around his non-cybernetic enhancements—and around the fact that he’d been frozen in the ice caps, now stretching as far south as Florida, for three hundred years—but Tony never once seemed to care. He’s thrilled about Steve’s enhancements—no one else on the ship is quite as strong as Steve is, not since Thor joined the crew of the Milano—both because of what Steve can help him with and because of what the serum means for scientific advancement, though Steve hasn’t let Bruce or Yinsen take any of his blood yet.

He heads down into the belly of the ship, pausing once at one of the portholes to look out at the stars flashing by them. It still amazes him that humans have achieved all of this (and horrifies him that they achieved this but left their own planet behind).

Tony’s “lair” (as Clint calls it) is located at the very bottom of the ship. It’s here that Tony holds his court, making sure that the engines that run the ship are still intact and running smoothly, tinkering with other projects that the other crewmembers give to him, and designing improved systems for the Shield, whether that’s comms, mechanical, or even medical. Tony does it all. According to Natasha, Tony, who’s one of the few nonhumans on the ship, was once a member of high society on his home planet, Aur’a, but left it all behind to join the Shield and travel the galaxy.

Steve opens the door and is immediately met with a wave of heat. It’s always hot down here. Tony says it’s because of the celestial energy, that stars run so hot that even residue energy is still too hot for unenhanced humans to handle. Fortunately, neither Steve nor Tony are unenhanced, and Steve would be willing to bet that the reason it’s so hot in the engine room today is because Tony is working with raw stardust.

The copper pipes running the room are too close to avoid bumping into for someone as large as Steve, so he doesn’t even bother trying to avoid them, letting them brush against his skin as he follows the sound of Tony humming. When he’d first joined the crew, he’d been worried about Tony complaining that Steve couldn’t move around the engine room without knocking something over, but Tony has never once complained, only just made easygoing jokes about bulls in china shops and told him that the pipes are built to withstand forces a lot stronger than Steve. It had gone a long way toward helping him feel comfortable in the space and now he spends a lot of time down here, talking with Tony about the mechanics of the ship, even though a lot of it goes over his head.

He ducks underneath one of the pipes and rounds a corner to find Tony sitting on a bench, carefully chipping at a speck of stardust on the benchtop in front of him. Tony once told him that it only takes a miniscule amount of stardust to power the ship for an entire week, which is good because stardust is difficult to mine. Tony’s goggles are perched on top of his nose, giving him an owlish appearance. Steve finds it adorable, but he waits until Tony is done with the chisel before walking over to drop a kiss on top of his hair.

The rest of the crew doesn’t know that they’ve been seeing each other for a month. After their first kiss, Steve had asked if it would be okay to keep it quiet a little longer. Steve’s brain is still firmly convinced at times that they’re in the forties, so the idea that he can date a man and have it be as accepted as dating a woman is still a little foreign to him. Tony had been more than accommodating though, which is only one of the reasons Steve loves him so much.

“Oh!” Tony exclaims, clearly startled. “Didn’t realize you were already here.” He turns, pushing his goggles up to his hair. “Did you get even more muscley since the last time I saw you?”

“Tony, you saw me this morning,” Steve says amusedly.

“Right you are, Capsicle, but I still stand by what I said,” Tony shoots back with a cheeky wink. He runs his hands over Steve’s biceps, making a low purring sound under his breath. Steve just barely manages to hear it over the sound of the engines, and it makes him smile.

Sometimes, he still feels self-conscious about his size. Spending most of his life looking and feeling one way only to change in only seconds had been disorienting, and he hadn’t had much of a chance to get used to his size before he’d been thrown into the war and then frozen in the ice. Tony’s always good to talk to though when he needs someone to remind him that this is okay, that he isn’t taking up too much room just by existing. Somehow, he always manages to get to the heart of Steve’s insecurities and allay them.

He indulges in Tony’s warm touch for a little longer before asking, “So what did you need me for?”

Tony perks up, spinning on his heel and picking up the speck of stardust with his bare hand. “I need your help opening the converter door so I can toss this in. Something must have gotten damaged during the battle with the Hydra’s Scales, because it’s not opening for me.”

“Huh,” Steve says, following Tony through the warren of copper pipes toward the energy converter. He has no idea how Tony knows where he’s going without a map. Steve still sometimes needs a map and he’s lived on this ship for a year. “That’s not something you can fix?”

“Not with what I’ve got on ship. I’ll ask Fury if we can stop in Knowhere later this week. They’ve probably got what I need.”

“Wow, Tony Stark admitting he can’t jury-rig a solution from his lab. Hell must have frozen over,” Steve comments, grinning when Tony turns to scowl at him.

“You shut your mouth,” Tony growls.

“Or what?”

Tony’s eyes turn dark and heated. He slinks closer to Steve, runs his fingers up Steve’s chest, and purrs, “Or I’ll shut it for you.”

Steve’s brain shuts down. “Uh…”

“But not right now,” Tony says abruptly, tweaking Steve’s nipple through his shirt. He spins back around and marches off, leaving Steve floundering in his wake. He gapes after him for a second before hurrying to catch up.

“You,” he says, carefully bumping Tony’s shoulder with his—he doesn’t want Tony to drop the stardust after all—“are a menace.”

“That’s me: mechanic and professional menace,” Tony says cheerfully.

They stop beside the energy converter. Steve can immediately see what Tony means by there being something wrong with it. The converter is made out of some sort of transparent material—Steve doesn’t know what—so he can see right in to where something is twisted in the converter itself, partially fusing the door shut. Even Tony, with all his abilities as an Aurum, can’t reach into an active energy converter without burning his hand to ashes, and the converter has to stay active or they’ll be dead in space, so they’ll have to stop somewhere where he can make the necessary repairs.

“See?” Tony says. “I need someone who can muscle that open for me.”

“Well, I’ve definitely got muscles.”

“Mmm, yes you do,” Tony murmurs. Steve wonders if Tony’s thinking about the same thing he is: that time he pinned Tony to the walls of their shared bunk and—well, now’s not the time to be thinking about that.

He grabs onto the wheel and wrenches it to the left. Tony sure hadn’t been kidding; the wheel doesn’t budge at all. He applies more of his strength, muscles bulging. Under the squeal of metal, he hears Tony’s breath catch, and he grins saucily at him. Tony sticks his tongue out and gestures at the wheel again.

“Come on, Captain Crunch. Put your back into it.”

Steve, having no idea what Captain Crunch is supposed to be a reference to, makes a mental note to ask Tony about it once they’re done here. For now, though, he uses all of his strength and slowly—so slowly—the wheel turns, protesting the entire way. Eventually, he gets it open, letting another blast of heat into the engine room. Tony tosses the stardust in. It flares in the heat of the converter, setting off beautiful gold and purple sparks. Steve closes the door. It closes a lot easier than it opened. Tony hums thoughtfully at it.

“Well, that narrows things down,” he says, once the door is fully closed.

“What, that it was easier to close than it was to open?”

“Mmhmm. Only a few things that could be. Probably need to tell the One-Eyed Pirate though that we have to stop on Xandar instead of Knowhere. I don’t think Fujikawa will have what I need. Steve, don’t let me forget to tell Fury the course change.”

“Got it.”

“And thanks, by the way. Definitely couldn’t have done it without you.”

Steve glows at the praise. Maybe it’s silly, but it’s nice to be reminded that even in this oversized, clumsy body out of time, he’s still able to do some good. “Happy to help,” he says honestly.

They head back to Tony’s little work area, Tony eagerly chattering on about the project he’s working on for Natasha. Steve listens, fingers itching for the drawing tablet he’d left in the galley with Natasha and Clint. Tony is lovely when he’s animatedly talking about his inventions. Steve has half a dozen folders saved on his tablet, filled with nothing but different poses of Tony.

Tony leans up against the workbench and pulls Steve in, looping his hands around his neck. “Now, where were we earlier?” he hums, eyes dark.

“Careful,” Steve warns, bracing himself with hands on either side of Tony’s body. “I might crush you.”

“You might,” Tony agrees, though he doesn’t sound concerned at all. “And I might like that. All that coiled strength pinning me down? Oh, honey, yes.” He shivers, a small delighted smile curling his lips up.

“You just like me for my body,” Steve accuses. It isn’t the truth and he knows that. Tony loves him for many reasons; Steve’s strength is only one of them. But it’s fun to tease his lover and Tony is always happy when he does. He frequently worries that Steve is too serious.

“Yes, darling, that’s exactly it.” Tony kisses him lightly. Steve lets himself lean into Tony’s body a little more, grinning when Tony shudders against him.

He pulls away, tucking his head against the curve of Tony’s neck. “Thank you,” he breathes. He doesn’t know how Tony always knows when Steve is feeling self-conscious about his body, but he somehow does and he always comes up with something that’ll help.

Tony strokes his hair. “Anytime, darling. Anytime.”

[myundeadgayson]

my favorite flower husbands moments of 3rd LifeSMP (part 2) (will include spoilers for episode 6 from Scott’s POV):

Scott telling Jimmy “you had ONE job” when Jimmy fucked up writing “pufferfish” and Jimmy immediately turning it back on him like “wait, how come YOU didn’t notice? you notice everything!”

everyone else: starting wars, stabbing each other in the back, killing people, etc.

Meanwhile, Scott and Jimmy: arguing about how Jimmy can’t spell

the fact everyone on the server is so used to hostility that everyone is always surprised when Scott’s like “you’re our friend/ally” and meaning it. and how Jimmy, who’s falling into that hostile mentality bc he’s on one life, sticks at Scott’s side and watches as Scott makes allies and it calming that hostile side of his brain bc “Scott says they’re okay, so it’s okay:)”

Jimmy standing with a bow aimed while Scott’s trying to have a civil discussion. Scott noticing and promptly giving Jimmy the equivalent of smack on the arm to make him knock it off. Scott after just “ignore my husband. he’s just a dumbass and does that sometimes bc he thinks he’s being helpful, but he’s harmless”.

have i mentioned yet that i love Scott and his zombie dogboy husband? because i do.

everyone else talking about how “sometimes you just get a craving for arson. it’s pretty normal” and Scott just sighing as his zombie dogboy husband likely nods along in agreement. his platonic flower husband is a dumbass.

Scott being fucking incredible with a bow throughout the series so far, and casually reminding everyone once again of his MCC experience and casual Minecraft god status outside the server. but here it makes it just seem like Jimmy’s married this— okay, i keep imagining Scott as an Elf or Forest Nymph in everything now. so Jimmy’s married an elf that’s highly experienced in a lot of things.

Scott being an elf that’s trained in the art of long-range combat, enchantment, interior and exterior design, and various other things and living with his human-turned-zombie husband because i like to imagine Scott’s been around for Years. so he’s had decades of experience on Jimmy, and to everyone’s surprise including his own, he decided to let this human share a kingdom with him because he knew Jimmy’s chances of surviving alone were Extremely Minimal. so he lets the human follow him home.

Scott expressing his care for his newfound human friend in the way he knows best— aesthetically improving Jimmy’s house. like yes, it was mostly about Jimmy’s house being ugly and Scott hating it. but it’s also the image of that being Scott’s way of showing “i care about you, so let me take care of you”. and i just think that’s adorable.

the fact that the Flower Husbands are basically living their best life outside the wars and fighting, then someone burns down Scott’s wall and Scott’s suddenly holding a bow and arrow like “if i find out which one of you burnt down my wall, i’m coming for you:)”

mans hasn’t attacked anyone this whole time, but now someone’s threatening his cottagecore kingdom and he’s about to throw hands. his husband will support and cheer him on for it.

Scott reminding their allies that the Dogwarts base was basically left unprotected and everyone just “oh yeahhh! let’s go:)”. he’s an agent of crime and chaos, he’s just been living a mostly peaceful life instead of showing it.

Jimmy bragging about how he’s shot one (1) person from a long-distance and Scott immediately just “well i’ve shot two:)”

Scott getting almost assassinated and his immediate reaction when it fails SO HORRIBLY is “agsjajdsfj i gotta tell Jimmy about this tomfoolery.”

Jimmy once again never having any clue where Scott is any time Scott speaks and he doesn’t immediately see him. mans just looks around in a panic and then goes “oh.”

everyone telling Scott that “you have a green life! go to the front lines” and Scott continuing to just Not. meanwhile, Jimmy’s constantly running into the fight like “YOU WANT SOME OF THIS >:D”.

they only have one braincell your honor. Scott holds it constantly bc Jimmy can’t be trusted alone with it.

i have two episodes left and i just love everything so much. they’re just amazing.

[fieldbears]

It seems like you know a lot about skin care. I'm 28 now and honestly dont really bother with it (except to take off make up and using sunscreen). I'm 28 now and feel like my skin's fine but wonder if there's stuff it actually needs. With skincare being such a huge industry it's hard to understand what ingredients skin actually needs bc I feel companies (& influencers) try to sell you a lot of shit you don't need and maybe even makes your skin worse. Any tips where to start? Thank u

Hey friend! I love helping newbies. I absolutely do have tips. And a two-product two-step regimen. You can get it for under $40 and it should last you 6 months or more.

First off, there is ABSOLUTELY a ton of shit you don’t need. That is a good instinct. You can always pay more for a product and you can always add more steps to your routine, but that doesn’t mean that you’re actually getting more out of it. The first thing you should ask yourself is, what do you want out of your skincare?

SUNSCREEN: For someone who isn’t sure what they want or what they should do, my first question is how much time you spend in the sun. The one thing you can do to really permanently damage your skin is to spend a lot of time in the sun without any sunscreen. Basically: blah blah rays of sun blah blah destroys the collagen, aka squishy bouncy bonds between cells, blah blah, destroyed collagen means the skin sags more, meaning wrinkles.

(It is also, I hope I don’t need to say, dangerous for Cancer Reasons to get a ton of non-screened sun exposure. But I’m assuming that’s a given here.)

Like I said in the last post, southeast Asian sunscreen options are a huge improvement on what you find on the shelves here in the States because they have more stringent laws on what chemicals are okay to put in a product. But if you stick with what you can grab at CVS, that’s fine too - just make sure you google the brand and type and make sure the SPF is for real. (Some products marketed at, say, SPF 45 are actually proven to only be SPF 15. It’s like the olive oil bullshit all over again!)

There are also a lot of moisturizers available with SPF protection in them.

WHICH LEADS ME TO MY AMAZING TWO-STEP SYSTEMMMMM...

CLEANSE AND MOISTURIZE: There are seven-step processes out there, but what you really need to start with, and will get a ton out of if you aren’t doing anything right now, is cleansing and moisturizing.

The science explanation for doing this: blah blah your skin generates oils from your pores in order to create a protective barrier between your flesh and the elements, but said oils can get gunky once they’ve accumulated all the particulates from the air, and there can even be backups and miscommunications and over-oilage if you have dead skin cells sitting on top of your new skin, or stuff gets all the way into your pores, blocking the system, causing breakouts. So skincare is about removing everything on top of your skin, maybe adding fancy stuff in the middle, but absolutely creating a new barrier for your skin at the end, to replace the one you took off. I liken it to varnish on a painting - it’s meant to sit on top, collect all the dust, and get removed and replaced over time. But don’t just wash your face every 20-80 years. The metaphor only goes so far. Anyway.

Here is how to get into my absolutely bare minimum regimen:

PICK A CLEANSER: If you wear/remove makeup a lot, and/or have a very oily complexion, pick an oil-based cleanser. Oil-based means it’s good at removing makeuppy things  and your natural oil. Otherwise, pick a water-based cleanser. CeraVe cleansers are available at Walgreens and they are affordable. It is available, affordable, clinically gentle on various skin types, and by god, it does indeed wash all the shit off your face.I have tried a lot of expensive water-based cleansers and I still come back to this one. That $16 pump bottle will last you a long time, too.

PICK A MOISTURIZER:  I’m back on my CeraVe shit here because if you’re overwhelmed and don’t know what to pick, I’m gonna push you to the easy-to-pay-for, easy-to-find product that won’t make you break out. And it’s got SPF! If you want to get fancier, check out some options here. I currently use Laneige moisturizers, which are at Sephora and... other places. Idk. (And to repeat my last post: if you can’t stand having things sitting on your skin, even a moisturizer that will absorb over a minute or so, Laneige Cream Skin Toner & Moisturizer essentially feels like water.)

SHOWER STEP: You have both your products. Now. Put your cleanser in your shower. When you shower, use it to wash your face. In the shower, you can splash and splash to your heart’s content. Get your neck, your cleavage, any extra places you feel have an oiliness problem. But remember them for later, because you want to moisturize all spots you cleansed. (Also, if you’ve been using soap or anything else to wash your face up until now... stop that. Cleanser is much better.)

AFTER SHOWER STEP: Dry off and pat on that moisturizer. Make sure you apply it with clean hands. Rub it in gently and make sure all cleansed areas are now moisturized.

That’s it.

No, really, that’s my advice for beginners. Two products, one done in the shower. You have to do them in order. That’s it.

If you have the spoons to do this routine twice a day, around when you get up and right before bed, you’ll get even better results. But if you’re just starting out and get anxious about new routines, don’t sweat it. Your face’s cells turn over every 30 days or so, so if you keep this up every day for about two weeks, you’ll start seeing improvements by then.

Bonus newb tips:

About once a week, use a COMPLETELY CLEAN terrycloth washcloth to apply your cleanser. Get your (gentle) scrub on. Mechanical exfoliation basically means you’re using a brush, a cloth, something physical to remove everything from your face, including things like dead skin, which gentle cleansing may not have gotten. Doing it too often isn’t helpful, as you can only build up so much stuff to remove over time, and scrubbing too hard or too frequently can lead to frightening your skin, causing redness. So once a week is likely plenty. If you like the battery-operated brushes, go for it, but they cost way more than the clean washcloth.

You will see options for chemical exfoliation too. If you identify as a newb, I don’t recommend this. Chemical exfoliations aren’t bad per se, but are one of the few skincare things that can be done wrong, and in a way that can really upset your skin. Washcloth!

Are you replacing your pillowcases on a regular basis? I try to do once a week but I probably end up with closer to two weeks. Nobody’s perfect. But remembering to do this is a very easy way to help your skin out.

If you get your cleanse-and-moisturize routine down pat, 2x a day, and you want the next step, look into toners. They help your skin absorb the moisturizer more efficiently... science reasons. The toner goes on before the moisturizer, but again, your skin should be dry before you start.

There are ampoules, essences, treatments, and other fancy names for... very specific shit. Basically, if you have a specific problem, especially in a specific area of your face, chances are there is a specific tiny expensive bottle you can integrate into the middle of your routine to help with that. But there is a lot of snake oil out there and I don’t want anybody buying these solutions if they aren’t already managing the daily wash-and-protect, because you’d be surprised how many things that can fix.

If you have problems with breakouts or other bad reactions to some skin products, do your best to only introduce one new product at a time. That way if you start having a reaction, you don’t have to guess what caused it.

No matter what is or isn’t going on with your skin, your worth is not affected one iota. Whether I have three pimples and incredible redness around my cheekbone and nose area, making me look like a character mug of a drunken sailor, or whether or my skin is the cool, poreless ivory of Grecian marble, I am still the exact same perfect bitch. And so are you.

[itsclydebitches]

I'm sorry, I might have been unclear. ^^;; I mean that when Bakugo is told for ten years he deserves to be arrogant and ambitious, it'd be hard for him to not be. But he picked All Might as his hero, whose compassion and saving people define him. In many ways I see a neglected kid lashing out from frustration before UA. He wasn't going to change until he was among equals in class, and adults who cared enough to tell/show him more than a simple 'you're the best bc you're strong'.

OH yes yes, sorry for the miscommunication! Yeah, we've definitely seen moments in his past where Bakugo's arrogance was stoked and I think those details are the cornerstone of how sympathetically each individual reads him. Does the reader focus on the actions themselves (bullying, encouraging suicide, recklessly fighting Izuku), or the environment that led to that behavior (doting teachers, his mother, peers who egged him on). It's that line between "Bakugo is just a kid. He needs the chance to grow" and "Bakugo is the perpetrator hurting other kids. His growth should not come at the continued expense of his victim." Which is where I think the structural issues of the story come in. Meaning, both takes are right — Bakugo does horrific things and Bakugo is also a teenager whose behavior is arguably stemming from his upbringing — but it's hard to balance both sides when he's in a story where he's attending school with Izuku, his relationship with Izuku is one of the most important, and he's set from the get-go to be a hero. By making Bakugo such a crucial part of the story in the form of a) being a hero and b) being Izuku's foil, reading #1 — he's a poor kid who just needs endless chances to improve — wins out. In a better story setup, Bakugo would not be training alongside his victim. He would have been expelled from U.A. for all the stunts he pulled. His future as a hero would have been seriously called into question until he learned that bare bones respect. As it stands, the structure of the story ensures that Bakugo (to my knowledge) never faced any actual consequences for his actions, pushing a lot of messages that fans are uncomfortable with: past behavior doesn't matter, any improvement is equal to reaching a standard expected of everyone else, the best thing is to forgive your abuser, talent is prioritized over empathy, etc. Since the apology dropped, I've seen a couple of fans arguing that whether to forgive Bakugo or not is Izuku's decision. It doesn't matter what the fans think because they aren't the ones who suffered. But Izuku isn't a real person. Izuku is a character, controlled by an author who gets to decide how he reacts, knowing that lots of fans want Bakugo's behavior to be acknowledged as serious as it was. I'm currently working under the assumption that Izuku will accept Bakugo's apology because the story has never been interested in actually making Bakugo face consequences for his actions. He was established as a hero from the start, despite his unheroic behavior, which created a contradiction that has hurt the story as a whole.

For me, what it comes down to is the reaction as opposed to the explanation. If I had a kid acting like Bakugo who I know was pushed to that behavior by others and also kid acting like Bakugo for seemingly no reason... they both need to learn the same lesson. Because, as established, that over-encouragement isn't an excuse, just a possible explanation (and I say "possible" because plenty of our other heroes were likewise praised for their talents and didn't turn out like that). What it comes down to is that Bakugo is not the victim here. Was Bakugo neglected? Arguably in some respects, but we know for a fact — seeing from the very start of the series — how much damage Bakugo has done in turn. And yet the story is focused on his pain, his struggle, the tragedy of what supposedly drove a teenager to encourage someone to jump off a roof, rather than the tragedy of a minority kid bullied to the point of someone encouraging suicide. That's the flaw imo. Both kids deserve to work through their problems and have their stories told, but doing that together — putting both at the heart of the manga, as equals in terms of their status as heroes — really doesn't work for me. It's hard to get invested in the supposed tragedy of a kid who was endlessly praised and decided to turn that into despising everyone "lesser" than him when the "lesser" person is right there, having his victimhood largely ignored in favor of unpacking how hard this is for his bully. That's the focus we keep coming back to. It's "poor Bakugo, realizing that Izuku isn't a useless nobody" rather than, "poor Izuku, forced to work alongside the guy who thinks he's a useless nobody." To be totally honest here, I never cared about Bakugo's supposedly sad backstory because it reads as so inconsequential compared to others in the class and compared to what he did to Izuku. Todoroki had his face burned by his father. Uraraka is becoming a hero to try and help her family financially. Izuku is right there... and Bakugo's great struggle, the struggle the story spends so much time on, is "Wow, other people aren't trash I can just walk over and hurt for the fun of it? And I'm learning this at a snail's pace while heading towards the prestigious career of being a hero? And the reason I'm like this is because people praised me too much? What fantastic development on my part!"

I get snarky, but I do honestly believe that Bakugo's story is one worth telling, just not in this context. The story of a kid so talented, and beloved that he developed an ego the size of his school and needs to unlearn that arrogance is a legit story to tell. Trying to tell that story at the expense of his victim, alongside kids his age who went through the same thing and turned out kind, went through far worse and turned out kind, all while having him train to be a hero without ever seriously questioning whether he should be allowed in such a profession is... a mess. It is good for Bakugo to be among equals and learn some humility, but I don't think the first half of the story did nearly enough of that and, even if it had, that struggle is hard for me to take seriously when the others have so much else going on.

Also, did Bakugo latch onto All Might because of his compassion? That always seemed incidental to me. Rather, Bakugo idolized him because he's the best: the most popular, the strongest, the one who always wins. I'd need to re-read flashbacks from the manga to be sure, but I do recall one of the scenes from the anime:

"You see that? I bet he'll dodge and then punch! Think they've won and then ha! Look, he totally stopped him! That's why he's the greatest. No matter how much trouble he's in, he's always the winner!"

Bakugo likes All Might because he's "the winner," not because he's presumably saving people during this news coverage. Izuku is the one who latches onto All Might because of his smile and ability to help. That's their crucial difference between them. Izuku fights for others. Bakugo fights for himself.

Is he slowly unlearning that? Yeah, sort of, but again, it comes down to who continually suffers to teach that lesson, how slow Bakugo learns it, how it compares to the struggles of his peers, and how this is situated in a story revolving around allowing him to be a hero in the first place. Cool character idea, bad context and execution.

[nighttimepixels]

TALK TO US ABOUT MASS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN AN INSANE MASS EFFECT/SHAKARIAN TRASH PERSON SINCE 20-FUCKING-11 AND LEMME TELL YOU THOSE FEELINGS HAVENOT TARNISHED A SINGLE FRACTION IN THOSE TEN YEARS OH MY GOOOOOOODDDSSSS!!!!!!!

I DEMAND A PLAY-BY-PLAY UP TO THE MINUTE OF YOUR REACTIONS TO EVERYTHING!!!!

you are so valid and I totally see why everyone I've ever mentioned it to loves the hell out of it

aksdjlsdfj I meannnn if you want to hear my rambling about it then hell yeah

Okay, gonna put this below the cut to save everyone else XD also- since I'm not leaving this Mass Effect obsession anytime soon, if you're not interested in seeing occasional posts about it, please feel free to block the tag "night plays ME"~

(mild spoilers ahead??)

((also for real I mean it when I say this is rambling as hell lol, apologies and no stress if absolute no one reads all this))

OKAY SO Mass Effect 1-

Stars help me, I was honestly hooked right from the start?? Like even in Legendary Edition (the combined trilogy just re-released in one "can play it on one system + minor improvements", for anyone who doesn't know) where it's smoothed out, of course it's obvious that ME1 is a decade old... but the foundation for these relationships are all there and gods I love them already.

Like - Kaiden right off the top is a delightful good fightin lad, what the hell. I've heard that he's viewed as 'bland' by a good portion of the fan community but I dunno, he's a delight and even more complex by the time 2 rolls around and you encounter him on Horizon, it was honestly Ashley I was way more meh about - mostly because before you can learn about her family history/etc, she comes off as hella xenophobic and I was immediately offended for my growing space family that she didn't like/trust all the aliens around, pfff.

(she gets redeemed a bit through further actions/evolving thoughts, but I thought in retrospect it was a bummer that they didn't flip the order there, give her a chance to be liked before the complicating factor of being so rude about aliens >:c that then she could grow from... ah well. Apparently she has a good arc but uh, let's just say I chose Kaiden at the "key junction" in the latter part of the game so I won't be seeing anymore of Ashley uh... anytime soon, haha.)

Garrus??? Is??????? The ABSOLUTE best???????????

I liked him from the start, I'm always a bit of a sucker for a rogue-detective "the system won't bring this bastard to justice, so I've got to" type and all their moral shadiness XD But he just gets better, honestly, and where I'm at in ME2 (right before the Reaper IFF mission, as of typing this, with everyone's loyalty!) I am only digging myself deeper into this hole-

-*wheezing* okay anyways -

Wrex is AMAZING I love fightin' middle-aged krogan bastard, gods. Liara is great too, I'm a sucker for a wlw relationship (playing fem!Shepard, so) - buuuut I'll admit she's a bit more one-note in ME1. Last week while I was still on ME1 I remember hearing (while trying to dodge spoilers) that her arc is really good, though. I think they leaned a little hard on the 'innocent but sexy' sterteotype on her (so despite the yikes aspect of a few of the things I've learned in ME2, lol, I actually really like the complexity that's been added to her character.)

Saved Liara first, so by the time I got to Noveria and had the standoff with Benezia there was the chance to have emotions over Liara having to face her TwT and of course, I made the questionable but quality decision to free Queen Rachni heheh. no ragrets

More than a blow-by-blow of my choices though I totally wanna take the chance to say that even in the mild jankiness of ME1 (goddammit, the Mako.... please..... please just go up this impossible cliff I just want to resource hunt-) the way that the lore, both obvious/key to main plot and the lesser/filler/background/world-building kinds... I just love it. It incorporates it well, you can go ham in the codex learning more, or just dive into the basics - it's clearly a complex galaxy (and they do an even better job in 2 of fleshing it out further), and it never really felt overwhelming. It was pretty natural figuring it all out-!

Plus the interesting implications of resource hunting amongst the sapient races, and the little side missions you better bet I did every one of- there's so much rich depth in the story if you do 'em!! (And that lead with that Keeper side mission...? Looking back, damn, clever foreshadowing-!!!)

And oh my gods, Ilios??? hell yeah. I loved that mission so much, especially having Garrus & Kaiden with me when talking to the hologram/computer, and more than anything, that last sprint in the Mako trying to get to the jump before it closed-???

yeet the boi-

Also mannn I love a good setpiece, and having to go up the side of the elevator, space-side?? such a cool setup!!

Plus it felt good having been Paragon enough (as simple as the good v bad vibe system is, I don't hate it, lol) to avoid one of the Saren fights, ngl. And the er, "second fight" with Sovereign-Saren.... hell yeah

... I'll admit I had to double check my choice re whether to save the Council. I did in the end, but I swear, sometimes the way they phrase things I'm like ".... okay but Garrus is right, defeating Sovereign is more important than these few leaders??????" woops. Listen, priorities, is all I'm saying..... (￣ヮ￣|||)ゞ

'Course later they emphasize (in ME2) that there were 10,000 people on that same ship and I was like well I wouldn't have second guessed if I'd known that, I mean c'mon-

Also I did indeed romance Liara in this one, so I got that scene ;Dc But,,,, I also knew by the end that I was totally gonna romance Garrus in 2 since he's an option then finally,,,,, lemme tell you the guilt as I waffled over whether to romance Liara bc of it. hahaha.

Aaaaand Mass Effect 2-

So I'm only up to right before the Reaper IFF Mission, so I don't know the ending, etc etc lol. That said, I've just finished every side mission I've found with the exception of the Shadowbroker Quest and the Arrival Quest (I've heard the latter basically leads into ME3, and the former is best either right before the Omega 4 jump or in postgame).

So from the start - fuck yeah fuck yeah what a high adrenaline start Shepard noooooo but also yes save Joker aH-

The motion comic too hot damn nice job

I loved this setup, seriously - especially forcing Shep into this situation, having to work with/for Cerberus, and the compelling reasoning given behind "why" they do what they do (I especially found it a good point that the Salarians have the Task Force, the Asaris the Commandos, the Turians the- etc... like, true, when you put it like that, having a similar group advancing human interests/solving human interstellar problems is pretty reasonable...). That said, I love too that it really isn't shied away from how Cerberus is nonetheless fucked up - or its at least done fucked up stuff.

Listen, I still think some messed up stuff is gonna be revealed in 2's endgame......... after that Horizon mission and the Collector's ship???? TIM I SEE YOU YOU SHADY MF-

aaanyways lol...

I'm so so glad on a gameplay level they nixed the Mako style exploration. A few Hammerhead missions are fine and a lot more focused than the slippery ass navigation in that glorified ATV, pfff. The probes are a neat way of getting after similar resources - and more importantly, having good levels and some good hubs (the Zakera Wards, Omega, Ilium, etc) is way way more fun than having a more 'sprawling' space that is.... a lot of empty nonsense, lol.

Then there's the fact that we get Joker right off the bat and you can interact with him so much - and him and EDI??? Get out gods I love them. Kasumi is so right when she says they sound like a bickering old married couple lol. I have a terrible feeling that some shit is gonna happen with EDI..... but I don't think she's evil as-is, at least.

Side-eying the hell out of those "access forbidden" parts of her that she doesn't even know.... and the fact that her AI core has a locked door access................... something's gonna happen gdi LEAVE OUR ADOPTED AI ALONE.

(Also Joker pls stop fracturing your thumb on the mute button)

Also please save me there are so many hot aliens in this game,,,,, the xeno/monsterfuckers really comin' through strong in the sequels............... doin' the lord's work........................................

In general, I love how many levels ME stepped up in two with complexity and interwoven narratives!! Like, to the point it'd be almost a drag to replay ME1, even though it was fun going through it (if occasionally a bit tedious with the cookie cutter rando planet science/mine facilities, lol). Like, just from how fun and interesting ME2 is, mostly! more of all the pre-introduced races, plus new ones, plus more filling in of intragalactic politics, and more interesting implications of all these space-faring races mixing....

Also gods WREX and his planet holy shit,,,,, fuckin' hell yeah my man get their shit together and also adopt Grunt yes good-

And Mordin??? My singing semi-evil scientist best friend forced to confront his choices more than he thought he ever would have???? With some of the best ongoing general report chatter of all the companions??

(when I tell you I choked on my coffee when I talked to him after confirming romance choice w/ Garrus and that 'pamphlet' and 'anaphalactic shot if ingesting-' kajsldkfjsldfjk)

Like, fuck, the fact that they actually dive into the mixed morality and horrors of the genophage, and you can confront Mordin on it, for good reason, yet he still stands his ground, until finally some bits of his loyalty mission seem to... affect him, and I'm guessing might set up things for 3 with him? Unsure, but either way, damn, the fact that they start to dig into it...

And Taliiiii my beloved forbidden alien wife TwT her loyalty mission was SO GOOD. I love how varied they all are?? Getting to defend her and discover what she'd unwittingly been a part of-!!

Zaeed is a bastard but tbh I love that he is and that he's unapologetic in him - and Kasumi omg, best thief. A heist?? Gods, yes- I love our couch lounge chats XD

Samara is..... illegally.......... she's an illegally powerful and beautiful and eloquent MILF...........................

(.... listen I'm sapphic as hell and I'm kicking my own ass for picking her up last aksjdlfksjdfl - but her loyalty mission, damn. And seeing how there's this interesting cultural subset, and the struggle with the Asari in that they unquestioningly accept/respect justicars, but also know that the impact outside their culture is a diplomacy nightmare waiting to happen-)

,.,,,,,T,,, Thane,,,,,

I am weak for morally implicated murder dads okay?? And that voice??? His mannerisms?????? How you first see him, and that prayer after assassinating her...???????? And his history/his people's history with the hanar, gods I love how messy it is, it feels so much more real!

Also Jack is a mess and I love her (and want to get her some therapy, omg), and her and Miranda nearly duking it out after you've done both their loyalty missions??? so good and makes a lot of sense-! Honestly I would love more interactions between teammates on the ship, but there's already so much the devs had to balance I can't blame 'em for minimizing, heh. But suffice to say I also love Miranda and Jacob, even if I'm softest for my alien crew XD Hell yeah Jacob, we'll get loud and spill drinks on the citadel indeed TwT

.... I could write a whole essay on how much I love Garrus oTL Perhaps because he and Tali are the throughlines from 1 on your 2 crew, I have some of the strongest feelings about them... but genuinely, he was one of my favorite companions in the first game, and how you find him as Archangel in two? Getting to help him fight his way out after he's gone nearly 48 hours straight fighting off three gangs alone, jfc. His vengeance quest and what can happen there.... That line? fuck me, that line -

It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with gray...

How DARE you come for my heart like this, devs holy shit

(also, some other choice faves so far from the series from him include We can disobey suicidal orders?? and This wasn't in my training manual... [in 1, if you have him with you @ th Thorian fight] and his whole.... pop the heat sink - in his romance ;Dc)

asdasdfksadjfkl like I said I can write an essay on him PFFF suffice to say I'm very looking forward to his romance scene and where things go in 3

But yeah gods I'm just gonna keep rambling if I'm not careful lol. Gods I don't even know what to talk about it's all so good and while I can understand people roasting the obviousness of Paragon V Renegade (v neutral) choices/alignments, I think they do a pretty damn good job in 2 of pushing it further - to the point that there were some times that I accidentally got renegade points and I wasn't that mad, haha. There's so much fun in the interactions that I just have a good time anyways~

I have so many thoughts about TIM (The Illusive Man) and Cerberus.... theories evolving galore............... and like, what the hell!! Omega 4 going to the center of the galaxy is such a cool twist, goddamn - though my heart still breaks at losing Kaiden (his line if you haven't romanced him?? about feeling like he lost a limb when he lost you??? holy shit.... but I also can't blame him for not trusting Cerberus to the point of it affecting his ability to trust Shepard... like fuck Shep go after himmmm) I'm really excited to see where that goes since he comes back in 3, and what the fuck happens with Cerberus bc while I love the fact that obviously there are a lot of people in it for the right reasons, doing good work, there are those that are doing the opposite, and I have a very bad feeling about where TIM will end up landing....

All that said though I need to do the Reaper IFF mission (where I'm lightly spoiled as to getting That Boy, but not how/what happens to make it so - just that it's apparently wise to have all your side missions done before getting him...) and the actual Omega 4 jump. So we'll see what happens and what I think about it from there heheh!

.... major kudos and genuine props if you made it here to the end, I am so sorry for not editing on condensing all this, and appreciate you so much ;w;

[antiloreolympus]

5 Anti LO Asks

1. HEY HEY maybe the panel of aphrodite barely being smaller than hades means shes absolutely huge, ever thought about that? or maybe every man turns into a twink around her. obviously its either one of those two and not rachel and her team not knowing what a character sheet is. or maybe out eyeballs are simply wrong. cant hold her accountable for even her own art she draws now can we? (/sarcasm in case some stans try to start some shit)

2. What I also don’t get is this is basically confirming hers loves hades, right? So does Rachel realize that just makes hades and Persephone look worse? Are we as readers just supposed to doom Hera to a marriage she’s not happy with so hades can bang her niece? If anything that just sets up the endgame should be hades and Hera running away together to a different land, far from Zeus, to be in love and together like they’re seemingly set up to be, with idk maybe “dark” Persephone ends up ruling the underworld by herself? Because it makes no sense that what is currently going on to make it so everyone can live in harmony and end in their set mythology places. It just can’t. I get Rachel writes on a drama of the week type basis, but the that’s exactly why none of this story seems plausible for an even decent ending, if it ever happens. She’s going to end up writing a 100+ chapter “arc” of idk Poseidon having credit card debt buying too many yachts than actually making any of her plot threads make sense and end well at this point.

3. Every time she’s drawn a lady character who’s standing next to a man with her face at level with his dick, I want to take her fucking tablet away. WE GET IT, RACHEL. YOU HAVE A SIZE KINK. Quit making it everyone else’s problem.

4. I think the issue too with making Hera a cheater and the maidens have sex is that like, you can’t have it bad for some people, but good for others? You know what I mean? Like if she just made it that maidenhood is purely through not getting married, then the maidens having sex and being in relationships would be fine Bc they’re not breaking their own rules, but I guess rs couldn’t do that or else her gross attempt at a sexual assault plot line wouldn’t have “stakes”? More so, and it’s obvious in the cheating part, you can’t have it framed Zeus/Thetis/Minthe/Leto etc are evil for cheating, but Hera is justified in it? It just makes her anger over it just her being hypocritical, and as others have said it goes against her very own mythology nature. There’s a lot of thing in actual myth that makes Hera complex (hi, literally murdering babies and torturing women!) so it’s just rs thinking her soap opera drama is somehow better than actual myth? It’s insulting and maddeningly egotistical she thinks this highly of herself to think any of this is actually good writing and actually improved on the source texts.

5. Oh the LO fandom is definitely a cult outside of a strict organization sense, tbh. The only myth fandom comparable is PJO but even then they do constantly critique it without fear of being doxxed or harassed and Rick listens to it and fixes what he can. Rachel in comparison has built a cult of personality around her where they even know she’s “Persephone” and any critique on the character or the work itself is really you critiquing their “queen”, and they can’t have that. It’s a prime example of why parasocial relationships are bad, and it’s worse in this case because Rachel has purposely built it up around herself, she likes the attention, and doesn’t seem thrilled over others getting a chance of the spotlight. Case in point, two new originals just broke 1mil readers each recently and she didn’t say a word on it while every other featured creator was congratulating them, and she was tweeting at the time this was happening! It’s extremely telling. She can make sure to tweet chances to get her cronies to fawn over her, but can’t even attempt to support her colleagues and their achievements? What does that tell us?

I can get why she does this ($$$) but what happens once LO is over, if that ever happens? What happens if these fans aren’t interested in whatever other stories she makes, if she even tries? I get it’s thrilling to do it in the short term, but you can only get so high until gravity pulls you back down.

[ibijau]

a prompt (a/b/o, bc i like how you write it): the sunshot campaign has just ended, and nie huaisang is looking forward to a future in which he can devote himself to wooing lan xichen. the match would be a little scandalous—it’s rare for an alpha to marry in, as nie huaisang intends to—but alpha-beta pairs are perfectly normal, and lan qiren is certainly more accepting of his first nephew’s crush than of lan wangji’s. less than three weeks into peacetime, however, nie huaisang’s plans hit a massive snag: jin zixuan has presented as an omega, removing him from the jin line of succession (and nie huaisang cannot help but be a little offended by that, on da-ge’s behalf—omegas can lead just as well as anyone else! the jin succession tradition is just stupid). but that’s the way things are in the jin sect, and so madame jin is scrambling to put together a marriage to get her son out of lanling before the worst happens... and the top two candidates on her list just so happen to be lan xichen and nie huaisang himself.

hello and welcome to: I like that prompt a little too much and got carried away, so now it’s 8K long. Also on AO3

warning for some mentions of rape toward the end of the story

Nie Huaisang’s plan starts when, at the tender age of eleven, he is introduced to the boy who doesn’t yet go by the name of Lan Xichen and is about to become his brother’s closest friend. Nie Huaisang, young as he is, decides that this is his true love, and of course he must ensure Lan Huan and him have the most perfect future possible together. He learns about Gusu Lan, reads as many books as he can, educates himself in the four arts, and even makes a vague effort to somewhat improve his cultivation, all so he can be the perfect spouse for a future sect leader.

A little after turning fourteen, Lan Xichen presents as a beta. It is a small deviation from Nie Huaisang’s plan, who was firmly expecting his beloved to be an alpha, but that is no big problem. Lan Xichen is Lan Xichen, he is the most perfect person in the world. Details don’t matter too much.

Another deviation from Nie Huaisang’s plan occurs when, a few days short of his own fourteenth birthday, he presents as an alpha. That, of course, is an absolute disaster. Nie Huaisang doesn’t want to be an alpha. Qinghe Nie is full of those, and he isn’t too impressed with them. He is on the brink of a complete meltdown when he figures that if his brother can be an omega who has all the qualities of an alpha, then surely he can be an alpha living the easy going life of an omega, including marrying into another sect. 

Of course Nie Mingjue isn’t very happy that Nie Huaisang refuses to behave like a proper alpha, like a proper Nie, but he can hardly make an arguments against that choice without undermining his own position, so it doesn’t matter. Nie Huaisang cheerfully goes back to planning his happy future, researching cases of an alpha marrying into another sect. There are more of those than he would have expected to find, and though it is mostly alpha marrying other alphas, Nie Huaisang now knows he can rest on a precedent to argue his case.

With all this settled, the hardest part of his plan begins: seducing Lan Xichen.

It is easy enough to be sent to the Cloud Recesses to study there. A little too easy, really. Nie Huaisang suspects that his brother wanted him to go there anyway just to have some peace, and in hopes Lan Qiren might straighten him out a bit. Nie Huaisang doesn’t mind though, since it gives him a chance to be close to the love of his life. He also doesn’t mind his dreadful grades which give him a good excuse to spend time with Lan Xichen, begging him to help. Lan Xichen, generous and kind and patient and perfect in nearly every aspect, as well as eager to be a good friend to Nie Mingjue, even by proxy, of course agrees and allows Nie Huaisang to spend far more time in his room than is probably reasonable.

It would be a little scandalous really, but when Lan Qiren once tries to raise the issue in front of his nephew, Lan Xichen just laughs gently.

“Huaisang is nothing more than a little brother to me,” he says. “How could anyone think any different?”

It is a hard blow to Nie Huaisang’s fragile teenage ego, and a new setback to his perfect plan. At the same time, he has been in the Cloud Recesses for almost half a year by now, and has already guessed that this is how Lan Xichen sees him. Two years of difference won’t mean much once they are adults and married, but right now it is a pretty big gap.

Having accepted this, Nie Huaisang changes his plan again, but not his goal. If all Lan Xichen needs from him at the moment is a less stuck up little brother than the real one, Nie Huaisang will be happy to provide. He likes making Lan Xichen laugh anyway, and it’s obvious that Lan Xichen enjoys having someone to guide and teach in a way Lan Wangji won’t allow.

He can be patient, when he needs to be.

He can also be exactly as stupid as the situation calls for. It’s easy as anything to completely fail his exams. Lan Qiren almost has a qi deviation on the spot after reading Nie Huaisang’s final test, and Nie Mingjue is furious, but he can deal with that just fine, as long as he gets to come back another year in the Cloud Recesses and make sure nobody else can seduce the love of his life before puberty fully hits and gives him his fair chance.

-

That second year in the Cloud Recesses proves to be a test of Nie Huaisang’s determination in ways he hadn’t expected.

In his defence, the world has many more pretty boys than he ever realised.

Lan Wangji, heinous little bitch that he is, got hit hard by puberty in the short time that Nie Huaisang went home. He’s suddenly a head taller than Nie Huaisang, and looking every bit the alpha that he is even though he’s a year younger. Nie Huaisang is devoured with envy because just two months ago, Lan Wangji was just a baby, but suddenly he is very, very handsome.

Then, there’s the other guest disciples as well. Most are pretty decent looking, but some stand out from the crowd. Jiang Cheng has a bone structure to kill for, sharp eyes, and his rare smile is as radiant as sunshine on the lingering snows of spring. And everywhere he goes, Wei Wuxian follows, tall and more graceful than any boy of fifteen has any right to be. They make a stunning pair of alphas, really, to the point that it worries Nie Huaisang when the three of them strike a friendship of sorts. First, because there’s a few times when he finds himself wondering what it’d be like to kiss one of them, which is an awful betrayal of his one true love Lan Xichen. Second, because his looks are already inadequate to begin with, so hanging out with those two only makes him look even plainer by contrast.

What Nie Huaisang needs, he decides after a few weeks, is someone less pretty than him to spend time with, so he’ll look somewhat handsome next to them. And so, after some brief consideration, his great plan changes again to adapt to this new situation.

Nie Huaisang becomes friends with Jin Zixuan.

Well, saying they’re friends might be pushing it. Instead, Nie Huaisang forcibly spends time with Jin Zixuan, when Wei Wuxian is being punished by Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng is studying, and Lan Xichen is too busy as well. It’s rather clear that Jin Zixuan isn’t very enthusiastic to have company. Quite frankly, Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have picked him as a companion either, if he’d had a choice. Jin Zixuan is haughty, has no conversation, no humour, a bad personality, and is just all around boring. He is also tragically baby faced, hasn’t even presented yet, and has nothing to recommend him except for the fact that his father is sect leader. It is practically a charity case. Indeed, when Lan Xichen hears that Nie Huaisang has been trying to become friends with Jin Zixuan, he congratulates him on it.

“I think he is a rather lonely person, isn’t he?” Lan Xichen remarks. “I’m glad you’re trying to help him. Hopefully you’ll help him relax a little.”

“Like I do with you, Xichen-gege?” Nie Huaisang boldly asks.

Lan Xichen laughs a little awkwardly, and Nie Huaisang could swear there’s a spot of colour on the older boy’s cheeks.

“I suppose I do relax when I’m with you. Are you thinking of replacing me, now that you’ve found a friend more your age?”

“Of course not,” Nie Huaisang earnestly promises. “Xichen-gege will always be the most important person for me!”

Lan Xichen smiles gently at him. “You are a good boy, and I’m sure your brother will be proud of you. I know I am.”

Hearing this, Nie Huaisang nearly faints from happiness. Just for this, it’s worth it to put up with Jin Zixuan.

But in fairness, as weeks pass, Nie Huaisang finds it a little easier to be around Jin Zixuan. The other boy mellows a bit, like a wild beast being slowly tamed. And once Wei Wuxian leaves, Jin Zixuan suddenly isn’t so prickly anymore, now that nobody is constantly taunting him and picking fights with him. He even has a sense of humour, when you know how to spot it. The first time Nie Huaisang bursts out laughing over a muttered remark Jin Zixuan made, it’s hard to say who is most surprised.

Besides, Jin Zixuan is one of the few people Nie Huaisang has met who doesn’t judge him for not striving to be a perfect alpha. Just like Lan Xichen, Jin Zixuan is surprisingly accepting of Nie Huaisang’s peculiarities.

“I prefer someone like you over some alphas who act right in public, then do everything wrong in private,” Jin Zixuan says with open disdain one day, as they walk in a garden of the Cloud Recesses.

It is a beautiful summer day, and the school year is almost over, which makes Nie Huaisang rather sad. He had planned to stay another year, still to make sure that nobody else makes a move on Lan Xichen, but he’s starting to think it will be lonely without the other friends he’s made.

“Well, I’m hardly much of an alpha in private too,” Nie Huaisang argues.

Jin Zixuan shrugs. “Not in the typical way. But you’re very protective of the people you care about, right? And you like to make people feel included. Like me and Lan gongzi… even Lan er-gongzi, when he lets you. You really don’t like when people seem lonely, do you?”

A little embarrassed to have such kind motives assigned to his actions, Nie Huaisang doesn’t reply right away. He pretends to inspect some gentians near Jin Zixuan’s feet, admiring how the deep blue of the petals contrasts rather beautifully against the gold of Jin robes.

He can’t explain that he’s always around Lan Xichen because he’s madly in love with this perfect boy, or that if he’s nice to Lan Wangji, it’s mostly just because they’re going to be in-laws someday. Above all else, he absolutely can’t tell Jin Zixuan why he decided to start spending time with him, mostly because he’s changed his mind so much since then. Jin Zixuan really isn’t boring after all, and he’s not quite so plain after all. Even if his face is still a little too round and soft for his age, there are signs here and there of what a handsome alpha he will be one day. Out of everyone he's met this year, Jin Zixuan is Nie Huaisang's favourite new friend.

“Jin-gongzi is giving me too much credit,” Nie Huaisang says at last. “I just wanted a friend less annoying than Wei-xiong, and you happened to be there.”

“Is that why you only call me gongzi, when you’re never this formal with others?” Jin Zixuan asks, sounding… not quite hurt, he has too much self control for that, but still…

Well, still a little bit hurt, actually.

“I know how your sect likes formality,” Nie Huaisang explains. “I just don’t want to disrespect you.”

“The Lan too are very formal, but you call Lan Xichen ‘gege’ all the time.”

“Oh that’s different, that’s just because he’s my da-ge’s friend!” Nie Huaisang lies. “We’re close enough the two of us, so it’s fine to call him like that.” An idea hits him, and he leans toward Jin Zixuan with a wicked grin. “If you’re so jealous though, I can call you Jin-didi. Would that work for you?”

In an instant, Jin Zixuan’s face turns a bright red and he splutters in anger. Nie Huaisang can’t help laughing at that cute reaction.

“Who says I’m jealous?” Jin Zixuan explodes. “What’s there to be jealous about?”

Nie Huaisang pokes him in the ribs, still laughing. “Jin-didi, it’s fine to have a crush on an older boy, it’s normal! I understand, I really do! Thank you, Jin-didi, for entrusting your heart to me!”

“Stop calling me that!” Jin Zixuan shouts, so mortified that he’s nearly crying.

“Jin-didi! Don’t worry, this Nie-gege doesn’t mind at all. It happens, it’s because you’re probably going to present as an alpha soon, and so you’re looking for role models around you. I am so flattered, Jin-didi. It will pass though, everyone grows out of it, don’t worry.”

Jin Zixuan’s face is so red that he looks sunburned, and the dot of cinnabar on his forehead looks almost pale compared to his face.

“You’re so stupid,” Jin Zixuan hisses, shoving Nie Huaisang to the side and stomping away. “I don’t know why I even put up with you, you’re even more annoying than Wei Wuxian!”

Nie Huaisang is too breathless from laughter to stop him from leaving. It’s for the best anyway, Jin Zixuan looked like he might pick up a fight with him for offending his dignity like this, and Nie Huaisang doesn’t feel like being punched in the face.

Still, from that day on, he makes sure to call Jin Zixuan ‘didi’ every chance he gets, just because he makes such funny faces.

-

Nie Huaisang passes his exams at the end of the year, because Lan Xichen told him that Nie Mingjue really doesn’t want him to be away from home this long again, not when the Wens have been acting up lately. For a second, Lan Xichen seems a little sad when Nie Huaisang promises to do his best, but it must just have been a trick of the light. When Nie Huaisang blinks, Lan Xichen’s expression is warm and polite and slightly impersonal, as always.

It’s fine anyway, Nie Huaisang figures. They’re sure to meet again soon. And when they’re married, Nie Huaisang will be able to stay in the Cloud Recesses for good, and they’ll be happy, and Nie Mingjue’s paranoia won’t ruin all his plans anymore.

-

It turns out that Nie Mingjue’s paranoia was, in fact, justified all along.

That’s not such a big surprise, Nie Huaisang must admit. Others tend to think his brother is stupid, but he knows better. Nie Mingjue might be a big brute, but he’s a clever one who understands politics better than anyone would suspect. He doesn’t care to play the game, but he knows the rules and he watches the moves made by others. For years and years he’s tried to warn others of the troubles he’s guessed were coming, but no one listened.

Well, they’re going to listen now, Nie Huaisang figures as he makes his way to Nightless City to serve as hostage with other disciples of Qinghe Nie. It’s kind of hard to ignore when every young master or mistress from every sect in the country is being held and re-educated by Wen Ruohan’s minions.

The whole time they’re there, Nie Huaisang tries to play it cool, like none of this affects him. He’s somewhat lucky because the Wen don’t seem to realise that he’s an alpha, and so they barely pay attention to him, while they endlessly bother Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and even poor Jin Zixuan who hasn’t even presented yet. These four get harassed daily about this and that. Their attitude is too rebellious, or too tame for proper alphas. They try too hard, or not hard enough. They’re too skilled and clever, or else they’re playing stupid and clearly trying to mock Qishan Wen.

In fairness, all of these accusations are absolutely true when it comes to Wei Wuxian. But even if he were to behave properly, Nie Huaisang suspects the Wen would find some fault with him.

Nie Huaisang watches all that and tries to stay out of it. The most he can do, anyway, is to offer the medicine he secretly brought with him (his brother insisted, and he was right as always) and to share his portion of food with his friends whenever they’re denied a meal. At least, when they accept. Jiang Cheng does sometimes, unless his pride gets in his way. Wei Wuxian usually refuses and boasts that he’s been wanting to practice inedia for a while anyway. Lan Wangji isn’t so loud about it, but does the same. Poor Jin Zixuan, though… even when he’s given his own portion of food he always seems hungry, so the days when he must do without are particularly hard on him. He still tries to refuse when Nie Huaisang wants to share, but in his case, Nie Huaisang doesn’t hesitate to insist.

“You’re going to present soon, aren’t you?” he whispers, pushing his bowl of bland, watery congee toward Jin Zixuan who nods miserably. Nie Huaisang remembers the horrible hunger he felt for a few weeks before presenting, when his body was hard at work preparing for the big changes that were coming. Even with all the food he could ask for he’d been starving, so he can’t imagine how much Jin Zixuan must be suffering. “You have to eat, Jin-didi,” he orders. “Please, eat something, or else your Nie-gege will be sad.”

It says a lot about Jin Zixuan’s state that he doesn’t even object to being called this way. Nie Huaisang lets Jin Zixuan have both of his meals that day, explaining that he actually has snacks hidden along with his medicine.

It’s not his best lie, but it does the trick that time, and the following ones as well.

After a week of this, Nie Huaisang is starting to feel a little unwell. His golden core just isn’t very strong, and cannot sustain him through inedia the way it would for others. He’s always known this, there’s just something not quite right with his meridian which means cultivation doesn’t come easy for him. Usually it doesn’t bother him, but after eating so little for several days, of course there’s side effects… but someone has to take care of Jin Zixuan, right?

It’s almost a relief when they’re told one morning that everyone is going on a Night Hunt. It’s not the first one Wen Chao took them on, and while it’s unpleasant to fight creatures without weapons, at least they’ve always been given better rations.

In the end, good rations feel like a poor trade for what happens on that Night Hunt. Nie Huaisang has never been so terrified in his life, except when he was eleven and his father lost his mind… although this is worse, so much worse. His father wounded some people, but he didn’t kill anyone the way that false Xuanwu does, slaughtering anyone it can grab before they manage a daring escape, thanks to Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian. Nie Huaisang, who is a fairly decent swimmer, ends up helping Jin Zixuan through the underwater passage, since the other boy is starting to look really unwell. He hasn’t been hurt, thankfully, but it’s clear he’s close to presenting. He must have only a few days left at best, or more likely a few hours.

Maybe that’s why even after they’re safely out of the cave, Jin Zixuan won’t let go of Nie Huaisang’s hand, why he leans so heavily against his side. Nie Huaisang allows it all. He probably should hand Jin Zixuan over to the Jin disciples present, but if they were trustworthy, Jin Zixuan would already have gone to them for comfort, wouldn’t he?

“It’s okay, Jin-didi,” Nie Huaisang tells the other boy while putting his free hand on Jin Zixuan’s forehead. He’s burning, and this is really the worst time and the worst place to be presenting, but it’s going to happen anyway. “I’m here with you. We’re going to get you home, and then you’ll be safe, right?”

Jin Zixuan nods weakly. “Thank you, Nie-gege,” he whispers, and Nie Huaisang’s heart does somersaults in his chest at being called that. It makes him want to keep Jin Zixuan close, to really protect him from anyone that might hurt him.

It’s a stupid idea, of course. Jin Zixuan is about to present, and when that’s over, when he’s an alpha, he’s never going to need anyone’s protection again. What’s happening here won’t last very long.

Nie Huaisang figures it’s fine to enjoy this while it’s there. He’s sure Lan Xichen, if he’s still alive, will understand that even an alpha as weak and pathetic as him needs to feel protective here and there.

-

It takes a long, long while to go home on foot. By the time Nie Huaisang and the other Nie disciples reach Qinghe, a war has been declared against the Wen because they’ve attacked the Lotus Piers and annihilated the entirety of Yunmeng Jiang. Nie Huaisang cries upon hearing this, because Jiang Cheng was fine when he last saw him, because it’s unfair that Wei Wuxian was rescued from that cave only to die like this anyway.

He cries also because Nie Mingjue is going to risk his life, because there’s still no news from Lan Xichen.

He cries because he won’t even be able to help his brother, and is to be sent to the Cloud Recesses where he’s less likely to be captured and used as a hostage again.

He cries because that’s all he’s good for, apparently.

-

Lan Xichen is alive.

Nie Huaisang cries when Lan Qiren tells him, and then doesn’t shed a single tear again and sets to work to be of some use in this war they’re fighting. The husband of a sect leader must be a useful person after all. Lan Xichen will have to deal with so many responsibilities, much earlier than he ever should have to, so Nie Huaisang needs to step up his game and become someone worthy of his future husband. He might be lazy, and spoiled, and a little useless, but Nie Huaisang is also very stubborn when he wants something, and what he wants is Lan Xichen, the most perfect person in the world.

Lan Xichen who smiles with the warmth of a tender spring afternoon, who is always calm and collected, who smells of gentian and pine trees. Lan Xichen who never has a hair out of place. Lan Xichen who always knows what to do, what to say, no matter the situation.

Lan Xichen who looks utterly broken when he comes to visit the Cloud Recesses, three months into the war.

Perhaps to others he doesn’t look so bad. The Lan disciples who are with Nie Huaisang when Lan Xichen arrives don’t comment on it. But Nie Huaisang has been observing Lan Xichen for years at this point, and he can instantly tell that something is wrong. It shows in the way the beta carries himself, how his eyes glance over things as if he cannot see what’s around him, the slight twitch at the corner of his lips when he smiles. Nie Huaisang’s heart aches to see his beloved in such a state. He hates the Wen more than ever, if such a thing is possible, for having hurt Lan Xichen this way.

Because there is so much to do, because Lan Xichen has so many responsibilities now, it seems at first that Nie Huaisang won’t have a moment alone with him. He tries to be fine with that. A sect leader’s husband must know that sometimes he comes second to the sect in question. But the hollowness in Lan Xichen’s eyes haunts him too much. That night, close to the hour for curfew, Nie Huaisang decides that he must offer some distraction to the love of his life, perhaps even some comfort, should Lan Xichen be inclined to allow it.

It’s risky to be out and about at that hour. Even at such a time, the Lan are strict with their rules, and Nie Huaisang knows he will be scolded, or even punished, if he is caught. To avoid that he doesn’t knock on the front door of Lan Qiren’s house, where he knows Lan Xichen is also living for the time being, and instead comes in through the back. He will be in so much trouble if he’s spotted, but love comes before rules. Soon enough he’s inside a private garden, knocking on the door of the only room where a candle still burns.

To Nie Huaisang’s relief, it is indeed Lan Xichen who opens that door for him.

To his horror, Lan Xichen looks even worse than before, his eyes red from crying.

“Huaisang, what are you doing here?” Lan Xichen asks, trying to quickly regain his composure.

“I thought I’d come see you, Xichen-gege. You looked like you might need a friend.”

Lan Xichen takes in a sharp breath, like he’s trying not to sob. He manages to keep his face impassive, but two tears still drop on his cheeks, leaving a shiny trail behind. If Nie Huaisang didn’t have such excellent manners, he would lunge forward to kiss away those tears.

“I’m not sure I’m fit for company,” Lan Xichen says in a voice that trembles a little. “I find myself in a rather emotional state at the moment.”

“Then you definitely need a friend,” Nie Huaisang replied. “I offer myself, if you’ll have me.”

A few more tears escape Lan Xichen’s reddened eyes, which he tries to wipe away quickly, like a child just starting to learn he’s not supposed to cry in public. Nie Huaisang braces himself for rejection, but Lan Xichen instead pinches the hem of his sleeve and pulls him inside.

“You’ll be in trouble if someone sees you,” he explains. “How unreasonable, Huaisang… didn’t you realise that people might talk, seeing an alpha roaming around at night?”

Of all the things Nie Huaisang has thought about before coming here, that particular detail hasn’t occurred to him. People often forget he’s an alpha, and so does he, most of the time. Outside of his ruts, he might as well be a beta, and he’s convinced people who meet him must think that’s the case. But of course the Lans know better.

“Xichen-gege, I don’t want to cause you trouble or start gossip against you,” Nie Huaisang says. “I wanted to see if I could make you smile, that’s all. If you think I should leave, just say so and I’ll stop bothering you.”

“That might be…” Lan Xichen starts, before choking on his words. “Maybe you should… This is… it is…”

More tears drop on Lan Xichen's cheeks and he gasps in an alarming fashion, trying to stop himself from breaking down into sobs. Nie Huaisang’s heart clenches painfully at the sight. He takes one of Lan Xichen’s hands in his, trying to offer him comfort. Immediately Lan Xichen starts crying in earnest, falling to his knees. Nie Huaisang follows him, sitting on the floor near him, patting his hand, his shoulder even when the sobs get too heavy.

They stay like this a long while, sitting on the floor of that bare room which doesn’t really belong to Lan Xichen and only serves as a reminder of everything that he has lost. Nie Huaisang can’t find any words of comfort to offer, because he knows how empty those would feel. All he has to give is his presence, and his patience.

It is well past curfew when Lan Xichen finally calms down enough to sit a little straighter.

“How disappointed you must be, seeing me so weak,” Lan Xichen says, quickly drying his tears with the fabric of his inner robes. “I’m not the person you think I am, in the end.”

“You are that person and more,” Nie Huaisang sincerely replies. He squeezes Lan Xichen’s hand in his, barely refraining the impulse to kiss it. Seeing Lan Xichen like this, imperfect, angry and hurt, only makes Nie Huaisang love him more. How could he not, when Lan Xichen is giving him this trust? “Xichen-gege, I like everything about you, the good and the bad. I like you when you are calm in front of everything, and I like you when you can’t be strong anymore.”

Lan Xichen sighs and tilts his head, trying to smile but not quite managing it. “Huaisang…”

“I do, I really do!” Nie Huaisang insists. “I just wish I could help you more. I wish I could give you strength when yours runs out. I wish I had the power to protect you against those who would harm you. You make me wish I could be more than I am, so I could stand at your side and be of use to you.”

Lan Xichen smiles, and brings his trembling free hand to touch the alpha’s cheek.

“And I’m glad you are exactly the way you are,” Lan Xichen says with unbearable tenderness. “You are as I want you to be, as I want to see you at my side.”

Nie Huaisang’s heart is racing at those words, and he feels his face flush.

“Xichen-gege, I don’t think you and I mean quite the same thing here.”

“I think we do. I wasn’t sure what to think of this,” Lan Xichen admits, gently cupping the side of Nie Huaisang’s head, who must resist the impulse to close his eyes and lean into that touch. “I thought you only liked the image I try to give, and that you would be disappointed when you’d learn who I really am. But you’re seeing me now, and… you still like me?”

“More than ever,” Nie Huaisang whispers.

Lan Xichen smiles at him, beautiful like dawn after a cold and dark winter night.

“Then when this is over, let’s see how we can deal with this,” Lan Xichen says. “I know there’s precedent for such situations, though it will be unconventional. I fear you’ll have to marry into Gusu Lan, if this is to happen. Could you bear with that?”

Nie Huaisang nods, laughing and crying at once, delighted beyond words to realise that Lan Xichen too has made plans. He knew they were well suited for each other, he knew it all along, and finally he’s proven right.

Finally, he’s going to be happy.

-

The Sunshot Campaign ends, and sooner than everyone expected. Wei Wuxian’s new techniques are to thank for that… or to blame, depending who’s talking. Not everybody is fond of what Wei Wuxian has done during the war. Still, he’s a hero, one of many. Of the young masters of great sects in their generation, only Nie Huaisang and Jin Zixuan haven’t gained a title for their glorious deeds.

In fact, when Nie Huaisang asks around, it appears that Jin Zixuan didn’t contribute at all to the war, in any way. He wasn’t among those who fought, which isn’t such a surprise when Jin Guangshan barely wanted his sect involved at all. But Jin Zixuan wasn’t on the back front either, and that’s strange. Nie Huaisang knows his friend isn't a coward like him, and must have wanted to contribute in some fashion. Jin Guanshan will have tried to stop him, but Jin Zixuan is exactly the sort of person who would run away and join another sect's troupes to do his part in fighting the Wen. 

Nie Huaisang becomes truly concerned when he learns that while Jin Zixuan has been absent from the war, one of Jin Guangshan's bastards has seen his status elevated and been given a title. Jin Ziyao, Lianfang-zun, is the first out of many bastards that Jin Guangshan has ever seen fit to legitimise. 

Suddenly, Nie Huaisang becomes terrified for his friend. Jin Zixuan looked so unwell that day after they escaped the cave. If his group stumbled upon the Wen, if he was wounded or worse… 

Jin Zixuan is absent from the banquet held in Jinlin Tai to celebrate the end of the war. It is noticed and gossiped about, especially since Jin Guangshan brought not only Jin Ziyao, but also another of his bastards, a mere child who rumour says he might legitimise as well. Worse still, Madam Jin is somewhat polite to both of her husband's bastards, when she's been known to never even allow anyone to mention his infidelities before her. 

Sick with worry, Nie Huaisang cannot eat or drink anything and quickly excuses himself from the celebration. He takes refuge on a platform that overhangs above elegant gardens, leaning over a railing to admire the sight. He hoped that being alone would give him a chance to calm down, but it only makes things worse. Jin Zixuan used to say he'd make Nie Huaisang visit the gardens of Jinlin Tai someday and show the peacocks from up close, but that might never happen now, because he might be… 

Nie Huaisang bursts into tears. 

He shouldn't have let Jin Zixuan go with the Jin that day, he should have kept him close and protected him, so nothing could happen to him. There is no safer place in the world than with a group of Nie, and Nie Huaisang knows even a pitiful alpha like him would have sprung into action if the situation called for it. 

He knows that for Jin Zixuan's sake, he would have easily torn Wen Chao's throat with his bare teeth, if it had come to that. 

Nie Huaisang is still crying when Lan Xichen finds him and silently wraps his arms around him. It helps a bit, if only because it reminds Nie Huaisang that things aren't entirely awful, that even if something happened to Jin Zixuan, he won’t have to face his grief alone. They’ve talked to Nie Mingjue who grumbled mightily against his brother leaving Qinghe Nie, but that was never an argument he could have won, not when Nie Huaisang has prepared for it half his life. Once Lan Xichen’s mourning period is over, they will be married, exactly as Nie Huaisang planned.

“What has you so upset?” Lan Xichen asks, pulling his fiancé closer, enveloping him into the long layers of his robes until Nie Huaisang feels like a chick under its brooding mother.

“I’m worried about Zixuan. Nobody has seen him since the start of the war, nobody knows anything, and he isn’t here tonight…”

Lan Xichen stiffens somewhat, and for a brief moment he loses control of himself enough that Nie Huaisang can smell him, the scent of gentians and pine lingering even after Lan Xichen returns to his usual restraint.

“You’ve become very close to him, haven’t you?” Lan Xichen asks. “I don’t think you’ve asked about anyone else as much as him during the whole campaign.”

“I got news from the others all the time,” Nie Huaisang says. “But Zixuan… and he was in a concerning state last I saw him. I just feel like I should have done more for him. What if he’s…”

“He’s not dead. Ziyao would know, and he would have told me. I’ve asked on your behalf.”

Nie Huaisang smiles, and snuggles closer to the beta.

“Thank you. But what’s the matter with him then?”

Lan Xichen shrugs slightly. “Ziyao doesn’t know,” he admits. “Nobody in Jinlin Tai seems to know, except for Jin zongzhu and Jin furen. She’s the only one who gets to see him, along with a handful of servants loyal to her. Ziyao has heard that his brother might have been cursed, or fell sick somehow, but in the end he’s not really sure.”

“Poor Zixuan, he must be so bored,” Nie Huaisang sighs. He knows his friend is used to a certain isolation, but that’s different from being truly alone. He knows also that Jin Zixuan, when given the chance, isn’t someone who enjoys being on his own anyway, and that he’s an active person who likes to practice martial arts, go on Night Hunts, or even just walk around town and check shops. This situation must be a torture for him. “Do you think they’d let me see him if I asked? Or at least write to him maybe? I’m just so worried...”

Lan Xichen tenses, his scent flaring once again. Before Nie Huaisang can ask about that, he hears approaching footsteps. Since it is highly inappropriate for them to be in such an intimate position in public, and when they’re not even formally engaged, they quickly pull apart to look at the newcomer. Nie Huaisang expected his brother, or Lan Wangji perhaps.

Instead, they find themselves in front of Madam Jin. They promptly bow to her, and exchange a worried glance. She isn’t exactly known for looking kindly at couples who misbehave in her home, and her expression can best be described as cold and angry.

“Do you really wish to see my son, Nie gongzi?” she asks, startling Nie Huaisang who can only nod in answer. “Then follow me. He’ll be glad to have a visit. Lan gongzi may come as well. This might concern him as well.”

Again, the two young men trade glances, surprised by that sudden invitation. Neither of them protests, least of all Nie Huaisang who is only too happy to follow her. Lan Xichen, after some hesitation, does the same. All three of them walk in silence in the labyrinth that is Jinlin Tai until they reach a rather isolated house guarded by two fierce looking betas who have their hands on their swords as soon as they see someone approaching, and don’t let go until they recognise Madam Jin.

“Keep an eye out,” she orders the guards as the three of them go inside. “He’s been drinking, and his rut is coming close.”

The guards nod, and firmly close the door behind Madam Jin and her guests. Nie Huaisang, initially delighted to see his friend again, starts getting worried.

“Is there something wrong with Zi… with Jin gongzi?” he asks. “Why are you locking him up this way? Is he dangerous?”

“There is danger in Jinling Tai,” Madam Jin replies, leading them ahead. She knocks on a door, using an odd rhythm. “Until a better solution can be found, this is the only way I can protect my son.”

The door opens, revealing Jin Zixuan, sword in hand. Only, there’s something off about him, something that Nie Huaisang can’t quite put his finger on. Maybe it’s his clothes, which hang a little oddly and aren’t quite the cut and fabric one would expect on an alpha. Or it is the slight fear in his eyes when he opens the door, quickly replaced by defiance when he sees who is there with his mother, as if he expects Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen to say something unpleasant. And then there’s a smell in the air, fear mixed with notes of flowers.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen says, before pinching his lips so he keeps his realisation for himself.

Jin Zixuan glares at him, then at his mother.

“I told you not to do it!” he says.

“What choice do I have?” Madam Jin replies, pushing her way into her son’s room. “This is the only way.”

After some hesitation, Nie Huaisang follows her inside. Lan Xichen does the same with a certain reluctance, and when they all sit, he does so a little closer to Nie Huaisang than is probably proper, but Nie Huaisang is too stunned by the situation to think much of it.

“I have brought you here to make a request,” Madam Jin announces, while her mortified son hides his face in his hands. “I need help in protecting my son, and after long consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the two of you are the best possible choice.”

“Mother, please, don’t!” Jin Zixuan begs, only for his mother to silence him with a gesture.

“At the start of the war, my son presented,” Madam Jin continues, ignoring the interruption. “Sadly for everyone involved, he presented as an omega.”

Nie Huaisang gasps, and stares at Jin Zixuan who looks like he might start crying. It puzzles Nie Huaisang at first, because there’s nothing bad about being an omega… or at least, not when in Qinghe Nie. Other sects have their own opinions on that, of course. He’s heard people here and there say that it is shameful and unnatural that Qinghe Nie’s leader is an omega, even one that looks and acts like an alpha, but that’s just because people are jealous of Nie Mingjue. All those petty, self-satisfied alpha just can’t stand that someone of a gender they think inferior can be so much better than they will ever be.

Of course, there’s also the fact that in most sects, only an alpha can become sect leader. Even Lan Xichen isn’t nearly as respected as he deserves to be after his brave actions during the war, and that’s not just a matter of age. Still, at least he’s a beta, and from a somewhat reasonable sect. Lanling Jin isn’t so open minded. In fact, everyone says that part of the problem between Jin Guangshan and his wife is that she’s also an alpha, when he is of the opinion that same gender couples shouldn’t be allowed to exist. He was forced into that union by his own father, everyone knows it, and only because Madam Jin's parents paid a high dowry to have her married into such a glorious sect.

"As an omega, my son cannot inherit his father's title," Madam Jin confirms. "He also wasn't allowed to take part in the war, since it would have been improper for him to be in mixed company. Alphas cannot be trusted on a battlefield… Or outside of it, as the case might be." She glances at Jin Zixuan, who looks ready to faint from sheer humiliation, then continues. "To be quite blunt, I have come to feel that Jinlin Tai is not a safe place for my son, and now that the war is over, I am seeking a way to protect him from harm."

"You want to marry him off," Lan Xichen says, his voice oddly cold in spite of his polite smile. "And I suppose you already have something in mind?" 

"If I could, I would have sent him to Yunmeng Jiang," Madam Jin says. "But he has never gotten along with Jiang Wanyin, and my husband won't allow him to marry another omega as that would be improper, so Jiang Yanli is out of the question. So is Nie Mingjue, for the same reason. My husband doesn't want Zixuan to be sent to a sect too small, as he would find it humiliating. I do not want to send my son to a spouse too much older than him, as I fear for his safety. That leaves me very little choice."

Nie Huaisang frowns. He knows Jin Zixuan is more than capable of gutting even an older cultivator if they try to force him into something he doesn't want. He isn't ranked third on that list of bachelors just for his looks. Being an omega doesn't change how competent Jin Zixuan is, and Nie Huaisang has half a mind to say so. 

He doesn't, but only because it suddenly hits him why Lan Xichen and him have been brought here. 

"You want one of us to marry him?" he asks, while next to him Lan Xichen stiffens. 

"You are the best choices," Madam Jin confirms. "My husband would probably prefer Lan zongzhu, but I personally hope you will consider this, Nie gongzi. After all, my son and you are already friends, so it would make things easier." 

"Mother, stop this!" Jin Zixuan hisses between clenched teeth. "This is too… This is unnecessary."

Unsure what to think, Nie Huaisang looks up to Lan Xichen, hoping he will be the one to explain the situation. But Lan Xichen, his face pale and tight, won't look at him, or at the Jin for that matter. It falls to Nie Huaisang to handle this. 

"Jin Furen, I am honoured you would think of me, and I am sure Lan zongzhu feels the same," he says. "But the fact is… Well, the truth is…" 

"They're in love," Jin Zixuan hisses. "I told you it wouldn't work, mother."

Nie Huaisang looks at his friend in surprise, but Jin Zixuan refuses to look at him. More than ever, he seems ready to cry. Madam Jin, for her part, isn't impressed by this new information. 

"Love is nice and well," she says, "but there are other things to consider. Your family would certainly prefer this strong political alliance." 

"My brother and his uncle have already given their blessing," Nie Huaisang admits. "It's not a bad match either, politically speaking." 

"But you won't have children," Madam Jin points out.

"There is a precedent for this," Lan Xichen coldly says. "Although Gusu Lan favours fidelity to one's spouse, it can be allowed to take a concubine in specific cases, such as the impossibility of having children."

"Then why not take my son as your second spouse? Or as the first one even, and have each other's company on the side? Zixuan will allow it."

Both Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen stare at Madam Jin, shocked that she would say such a thing. Her stance on her husband's affairs is well known, and she is merciless toward adulterous couples. Nie Huaisang wants to ask her why she doesn't ask for her husband's help if she's so desperate to protect her son against threats to his virtue.

He keeps that question to himself, because the answer occurs to him, and he doesn't like it. 

It is well known that Jin Guangshan is an alpha of great sexual appetite even in a normal state. It is rumoured, also, that he becomes terrifying when in rut, willing to take any omega or woman who crosses his path, willing or not. People say he might have fathered Jin Zixun with his own cousin, though since the poor omega was recently married, Jin Guangshan never had to recognise the child. 

Jinlin Tai is not a good place to raise an omega these days, as Jin Zixuan knows. He told Nie Huaisang as much, back when they were studying in Gusu. 

And perhaps there’s more alpha in Nie Huaisang than he realised, because the idea of Jin Zixuan being in such danger, in the place where he should be safest, fills him with a rage like nothing he’s rarely felt before. The only thing that can compare is the burning wrath that overcame him when he first heard that the Cloud Recesses had been burned, that Lan Xichen was missing. If he could, Nie Huaisang would grab Jin Zixuan this instant and fly with him to QInghe, were nobody will care that he’s an omega, where he’ll live free of fear because the rules of Qinghe Nie are very clear on how to deal with a rapist, regardless of sex, gender, and rank. It is tempting to accept Madam Jin’s demand, just to protect her son, except…

Except Lan Xichen is sitting right next to Nie Huaisang, and while his face is showing nothing, the smell of his anger is getting stronger with each passing moment. If the Lan rarely have a second spouse, let alone concubines of any sorts, Lan Xichen once explained, it is because their cultivation method tends to make them more possessive toward their cultivation partner. That’s the reason they are so careful in choosing such a partner, Lan Xichen confided when they started talking about getting married.

At that time, Nie Huaisang had easily promised that he would remain faithful no matter what, happy to finally have the affection of his favourite person in the world, happy to know that his love and patience would be rewarded, confident that there is nobody else in the world he could ever want.

Now though, he isn’t so sure what to do anymore. Marrying Lan Xichen is all he’s wanted for years and years, the culmination of a carefully crafted plan to ensure both of their happiness. But to abandon Jin Zixuan to his fate would be a crime, something against which his very soul rebels.

Between his dearest friend and the love of his life, Nie Huaisang has to choose, and risk losing someone either way.