#I feel like my life has improved considerably over the past couple years but I still struggle with things that seem so basic | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

astro-rain · 4 years ago

Text

delicate; b.barnes

chapter nineteen - “tomorrow”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.8k

synopsis: reader is faced with a very distressing ultimatum and has to deal with the consequences.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

authors note: omg pls listen to “water under the bridge” by adele after reading this it’s fits so well

Muted. She felt muted - but not necessarily in a bad way. Everything in her was dialed down and dulled. Over the last couple days, Y/N had toned down her emotions, feeling less. Call it a coping skill. Call it a stress response. Whatever. It wasn't like she was sad about it. In a way, in was comforting - not having some overwhelming internal angst.

It had been a week since that fight she and Bucky got into. The mature part of her was telling her to find him and talk it out like the adults they were. But here's the thing. Over time, before they even had the fight, the number of therapy sessions they were having was less frequent as his treatment was improving. The sessions were more intermittent now, and there wasn't one scheduled for a while. Until then, she felt no desire to talk to him.

Was she mad? Sad? She wasn't sure. She just avoided thinking of things that caused her a considerable amount of distress. At this particular moment in time, Bucky was one of those things. Ergo, she made a constant effort to ignore all thoughts of him.

Though, she somehow couldn't entirely ignore the ever present lack of... Bucky. She had gotten so used to having him close by, used to having someone to talk to, laugh with. His proximity had become a constant. A comfort. She refused to admit to herself that silence didn't feel like silence anymore; it just felt like the absence of his voice.

She found she needed to keep herself busy.

Bucky handled it a bit differently. He had lots of intense emotions but he didn't mute them, per say. He didn't ignore them. He felt them, he definitely felt them. He just kept them bottled up inside and talked about it to no one. It was a very strange change of routine. Whenever he had some sort of emotional turmoil, he would always go to her - therapy session or not - to vent, rant, ask for advice, or just talk through a stream of consciousness. Now he just had to sit with it.

He spent most of his time alone. He missed her.

"Hey Shuri," Y/N greeted as she entered the princess' lab.

"Hello," Shuri smiled. "Come sit."

This wasn't a routine visit. Shuri mentioned wanting to talk about something else this time. Something important. She was reminded of this when she walked in to find two Doras sitting with Shuri at a lab table.

"So," Shuri started, "The trigger word experiment. We're here to discuss safety and security."

Shit. That awful thing. It had slipped her mind these past couple days.

"Alright. What are we thinkin'?"

"Well, the Doras don't think it would be necessary to have two of them there with you, but if you would feel safer with two, then that's fine as well."

"I think one is fine. I trust your judgment," Y/N nodded to the Doras.

And I'm not afraid of Bucky, she thought but didn't say.

"We also have a special location to run the experiment," one of the Doras, Ayo, added. "Away from people and secluded in the case of an emergency."

"Okay. That sounds good."

"We understand Barnes is now equipped with the vibranium arm, yes?" Shuri asked.

"Yes, he is."

"Then you need to know something for the experiment."

Y/N's brows furrowed, confused. Was she missing something?

"There's sort of a fail safe built into the arm," Shuri began.

Fail safe?

"There are a series of pressure points when, if hit correctly, will disengage the arm. It will just drop to the ground. So if anything were to happen-"

"I'm sorry, what?"

The expression on Shuri's face changed immediately when she heard her partner's tone. Y/N looked bewildered and almost in disbelief.

"It's there as a precaution in case Barnes needs to be put in check."

Suddenly, every emotion she had been "muting" rushed back into her head. Every feeling for Bucky returned, as well as her compulsion to protect him.

"Building that into the arm shows a complete lack of trust."

"You know what HYDRA did. It's unpredictable, and I'm sorry but we just can't be sure."

"We need to be careful with this so it doesn't blow up in our faces," Ayo said.

"I understand having that precaution for this test, I do. But it isn't just this test. Given it was successful and everything worked out, he was supposed to keep the arm. Right?"

"Right."

"So we fix the HYDRA programming and he's free, but leave the 'fail safe' in so after all of this, he still has someone in control of him."

"The arm is a gift," Ayo stated. "He should be happy he has it at all."

"I understand that, and believe me, he is so grateful. But a gift is for someone else to keep and use as their own. How are we supposed to help him and work with him for months, building trust and aiding him in healing to just tarnish all of that with deception?"

"It's what's best for the protection of all."

"Even after the experiment if it's successful?" Y/N cried in disbelief. "I should say when it's successful. Shuri, I've been seeing his progress for months and working with you on his neurobiology data. Can't you tell how much skill has been put into this? It's us. It's going to work."

"Even still."

"I can't stand for that. I would understand if it was just for this test, but after? We haven't come this far just to not trust our own work and Bucky's deprogramming. He deserves to have someone on his side."

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but it's already been done. The arm is already built and being used."

"This is the plan," Ayo declared. "Either you are on board, or you are free to leave Wakanda. We can fly you out as soon as tomorrow morning."

"I can't knowingly be a part of this. It's wrong."

"As I said. Free to leave."

She refused to be a willing participant in perpetuating the loss of Bucky's autonomy. He's been through enough, had enough taken from him. She would not play a single role in taking more away.

"I guess I have to go then," she said, standing from her chair.

She couldn't believe the words coming from her own mouth.

Shuri sighed. "That's very unfortunate, my partner. I'm sorry we couldn't agree on this."

"I am, too. But please. Please consider what this will do to him. It's like saying 'even though we've all been working with you, we don't actually believe that you're not still a weapon.' What is he supposed to think of that?"

"Barnes isn't going to have to think anything about it..."

"...because he isn't going to know," Ayo finished the thought.

"No..."

"It's the way it has to be."

"No it's not."

"Y/N..."

She took a couple steps back, preparing to leave the room. "No, I'm sorry. I can't. He needs to know. I'm going to have to tell him."

"I'd advise against it if you care about your job," called an unfamiliar voice.

Y/N turned to the other Dora, whom she didn't know.

"What?"

"What would your employers think if they knew their doctor had certain... inappropriate relations with a patient? And a very infamous one at that."

She froze, face burning. Her stomach dropped and her breathing stopped dead.

Did they-? Who else-? How did they-? What did they-?

She couldn't form a single coherent thought.

"You are more than free to leave quietly, without any worries" said the Dora, "but if Barnes knows about this, you can be sure that the rest of the world will know about you and your... relations."

It was then when she could feel almost every piece of her world come crashing down. She could feel every test she took, every research project she was a part of, every hour she spent studying for the career that took years to build. The thing she was most proud in this world, the part of herself she most loved. She felt the job she loved and all the things she had learned and accomplished begin to crumble around her.

This career... it was her life. It was her passion. It was all she had. Now she was in immediate danger of losing it. All she could process was fear; she shut down.

Finally, she managed words.

"Okay," she conceded, her defeated voice barely above a whisper. "I'll go... quietly. I'm sorry."

With that, she turned around and took the remaining steps out of the now silent room.

- - -

When she was in the hallway, she felt like she was dying. The guilt was overwhelming. How could she betray him like this? She tried to fight for Bucky to get the truth and now she has to hide it from him and leave him. She has to lie to him.

Y/N was still in shock, completely immersed in her own fear. It felt as if she wasn't in her body. She knew she was moving - walking down the hallway. But her body was just on autopilot; she was gone.

She couldn't tell if she was crying but she could feel a twinging in her eyes and a burning in her nose. She was also hardly breathing so if she was crying, it was nearly silent.

In a faraway echo, she thought she heard her own footsteps. She wasn't sure where they were taking her, but she wasn't sure if she cared.

She walked, and she kept on walking for a long time. She could feel the ache in her feet once she sat down in front of the water. She hadn't planned to go to the waterfall - that waterfall... their waterfall. It just sort of happened. Perhaps it was a long enough distance away to feel safe.

She finally let herself think for a moment.

What the fuck had just happened? Her exact fears had come to be. Somehow, someone saw or figured out her and Bucky. It felt worse than she thought it would. Exposed. Embarrassed. Guilty. Humiliated. Distressed.

It was numbing. So numbing that she stared at the little pool and let the white noise of the waterfall clog her ears until she was able to lose track of time.

She had no idea how long it had been when he approached her.

"Y/N!" Bucky's voice called as he jogged over after catching sight of her. "I've been looking for you! Can we please talk?"

His voice snapped her out of it, but her gaze remained fixed on the water in front of her. She wasn't sure what to do, how to engage with him; she froze.

When she didn't even turn her head, Bucky guessed she was still upset with him. He didn't want to be a bother, but he needed to talk to her. He sat down right next to her.

"Okay..." he started, carefully. "I know things aren't great between us right now, but-"

She turned her head to him and the words died in his throat when he saw her face: bloodshot, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. He forgot whatever he was going to say, cupping both sides of her face.

"Oh my god, what happened!? A-Are you alright?"

The cool metal of his hand on her cheek made her want to scream, reminding her of what she could not tell him. Reminding her of the searing guilt. Trembling hands reached up to touch his arms. And then he saw the quiver in her lip.

"Oh, honey," he cooed, worried. "Hey... Hey, talk to me. Talk to me, what's wrong?"

He was so concerned and so sweet even after they had a huge blowout. If possible, it made her feel even worse. She didn't deserve his kindness anymore. She just stared into him with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen.

Bucky had never seen her like this and he was scared. Was it because of him and their fight? He supposed so. What else could it have been?

"I'm so sorry, please don't cry," he caressed the back of her head with one hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of what I said, I was just mad. You were right. I feel awful, I had no idea it upset you this much."

Their fight was the very last thing on her mind. Looking back on it, it seemed like such a trivial thing compared to now. But he thought this was his fault. She wanted to break into a million tiny pieces and let the wind blow her away.

She shook her head. "Bucky, no. It's not that. It's not you."

He looked so confused. She felt so bad.

"Then what... what's wrong?"

"I'm leaving."

Bucky leaned back, perplexed, and his hands slid down to rest on her forearms. "Leaving? You're leaving Wakanda?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, hey- You don't have to leave. We can figure something out. We were too risky, you were right. I understand that now. We don't have to do that anymore. We can make sure that we're always completely in private from here on out."

She shook her head, staring down at the grass below her. "I'm sorry, I can't... I can't do that. I have to leave."

She could barely look him in the face.

"You don't, it's okay," he implored. "I know it worried you, but it really only was Steve. And I know, I know it could have been anyone and I get that. I thought about it, and I get it. We don't ever have to... sleep together... again. We won't be distracted, and-and we'll be careful."

She clenched her eyes shut, trying not to let her burning eyes release more tears. It didn't work.

"Bucky..."

"Baby doll please," his voice cracked while he tipped her chin up to meet her eyes again. "We can just-... we can just go back to the way it was before. In the very beginning. We can- we'll only see each other in sessions, we don't-... No more lake trips or all-nighters or anything just-"

He sharply inhaled, beginning to ramble as his breath became unsteady.

His voice shook just slightly. "You can barely even talk to me if you don't want to- just please don't go..."

She thought a part of her cracked and died at that moment. She sprung forward and held him as tight as she could. Instinctively one of Bucky's arms was around her back and the other cradled the back of her head.

She thought maybe if she held tight enough, she could keep them together and she wouldn't have to leave him there alone. Of course he would be fine, but he would spend the rest of his time feeling like it was his fault that she had gone.

She couldn't let him think this was his fault.

"Buck, I don't wanna leave you. But I have to do what's best for the both of us. You'll be just fine without me. I promise."

He didn't think so.

"I'm putting your treatment and my career in jeopardy if I stay," she continued. "I just don't want anything bad to happen to either of us. I'm sorry if you hate this and I'm sorry if you hate me for doing it."

He mumbled something in the crook of her neck, but she couldn't hear it. She pulled back from the embrace.

"What?"

"I could never hate you."

Despite the fact that she was so internally distraught, despite what happened with Shuri and the Doras, with having to tell Bucky she was going to leave him, with having to watch him beg her to stay, despite the extreme dread and guilt within her, she still looked at him and felt so much love.

She was doing the very thing he feared and all he could do was care for her.

"God, I'm gonna miss you," she breathed before grasping his jaw, and pulling his head to hers.

Bucky tasted salt and he couldn't tell if it was his or her tears mixing into their lips.

As much as he wanted her to stay, he could sense how serious she was about this. He wouldn't be able to convince her to stay even if he tried. And he already did.

He could only soak up as much of her as he could before she left, and be with her until she had to go. He had no idea how much time he had. Wait-

"When are you leaving?" he broke the kiss as soon as the thought arose.

She was silent for a moment when another tear dripped down her face. "Tomorrow."

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf @cc13723things @small-death-and-codeine @avengersgirllorianna @cataves @thatbitchsposts @talktomeaboutthestars @surrealpsycho @headheartbellarke @bubbly-moonwarrior @bluemoon-icecream @buckeyecreates @augustbucky @itsthemaree @undiadeestos

94 notes · View notes

kitkatixx · 4 years ago

Text

kirukiyo headcanons (long ish)

If you haven’t noticed-- these two are my otp, and v3 did them both dirty... both in terms of plot and their few interactions (hi, utdp, i’m surprised they didn’t have an event with direct interaction)

I haven’t done these formally but figured I’d drop a few of my headcanons as of now, since the ideas I have for these two are fluid, but the base nature of their relationship remains about the same. You’ll see below the cut, they’re fairly in depth and give some flavor to the characters (especially Kirumi)

general summary

Subtle, subtle, subtle.

These two are experts at keeping their relationship under the table, and it takes the rest of the class--perceptive ones included-- quite a bit of time to figure out they’ve been together, even though many a student (Kokichi, Miu, Rantaro, Kaede) have made jokes about their likeness to a married couple.

While they are more than capable of adapting to the scenario, both of them are private individuals at heart, in spite how their talents require them to be around people nearly at all times. So for Kirumi especially, she prefers someone mature who can respect her desire to keep the limelight out of her personal life. After all, she prefers to keep her home and (incredibly taxing, chaotic) work life separate...

That being said, it is no secret to Class 79 (what I’ve dubbed the v3 cast in my HPA AU) and the upperclassmen (SDR2, DR3, THH) that the Ultimate Maid is a stubborn workaholic.

Thus, it takes a specific type of person to ‘get through’ to her-- specifically requesting her presence at refreshments, politely stopping her in the hallway for a conversation, all as cleverly disguised ‘breaks’ without infringing upon her time and duties. Even if it’s only momentary, small steps, persistence, and patience are key with her, as there is a fine line between obligation and devotion to one’s craft.

Korekiyo happens to be able to see past the professional ‘selflessly devoted’ front that Kirumi maintains nearly at all times, having had the opportunity to observe numerous types of people in his time as an anthropologist, and given what was seen in canon, it’s fairly evident that he was intrigued, speaking highly of her post trial (he even has a FTE in her lab!)

Initially, her insistence on wholeheartedly embodying the values of a proper maid piqued his attention, leading to him to take an interest in getting to know her more-- what makes Miss Tojo who she is, exactly? What motivates her to behave in such a way? And what of the human side of the Ultimate Maid? Such were the questions he wished to answer, and as any good researcher would do, it was necessary to approach this in a straightforward, concise manner.

Because of this unorthodox approach to getting to know her (indirectly) for a scholarly reason, Kirumi had no reason to decline his invitations to converse or shoo him away from observing her everyday duties as she would have done under normal circumstances. This in particular gave Korekiyo an advantage over many of his other peers, who would have had difficulty a) approaching her b) maintaining a sizeable conversation with her before moving onto her next task.

Eventually, the two would find they share similar interests (Victorian customs, tea preparation, etc), and get along well with each other; the meetings that began as strictly for research evolve into moments where two friends are talking.

Down the line, someone catches feels.

Now as for who that could be... let’s move to the next section to answer that.

a few typical who does/is relationship headcanons:

1. Who makes the first move and how?

Korekiyo does. While Kirumi eventually does develop feelings for him first, she won’t act on them out of concern that the quality of her work will be compromised, and stays quiet. Korekiyo, however, takes a little longer after mulling over whether his emotions can be chalked up to his general adoration for all of humanity or genuine feelings for her. He does pick up on small changes in her behavior and routine-- serving his preferred meals and tea at just the right temperature, being especially open to assisting him even when she’s terribly busy, and so on, which motivate him to make the first move. Very small, but incredibly thoughtful of her. He’s always liked the details.

The anthropologist is quite capable of being romantic if he so desires, but decides that with her in particular, it would be best to be polite and to the point. Of course, this is Korekiyo we are talking about, so he’ll still put his own twist on it-- so most likely discreetly slipping her a letter with a proper wax stamp on it expressing his feelings and a carnation, which in Japanese flower language is associated with fascination and distinction.

The letter’s contents include notes of the uniquely human aspects of her he finds especially beautiful, and are highly specific: the faint curve of her mouth that appears for a split-second (when she thinks no one is looking) after someone receives retribution for their antics, her deft, graceful movements as she slices into vegetables and pours tea, the glint in her eye that appears after a particularly challenging request is given... the list could go on and on, he writes, but it would be far too long to be appropriate for this letter, yet Kirumi Tojo’s identity is so much more than only the Ultimate Maid.

Lastly, it finishes with an attached sketch depicting one of the moments ‘when she is the most beautiful,’ showing her in her element... broom in hand, small frown on face, and scolding someone (read: Kokichi) After all, while many miss it, Korekiyo has picked up on the angry micro expressions that flit across her face after something particularly irritating has just occurred, and he loves them-- they make her humanity shine through.

Subsequently, it would prompt her to meet somewhere secluded in the evening if she reciprocates-- her missing presence would be more than enough for him to take the hint. Not that she intended on doing so.

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

You’d think it would be Kirumi, but no, Korekiyo is, beneath his unusual charm and charisma, by a margin. After the passing of his sister, it left him hesitant to get close to people at a personal level, which contributes to how he ended up choosing anthropology-- not only to travel and experience the world when she could not, but because it allows for one to be ‘close’ to humans in a removed manner. So while he can easily wax poetry about nearly anything about humans, cultures, or a person, he does this in a very ‘scientific manner’ at times, preferring to view things as an observer rather than a participator. Of course, this aspect of him was integrated into his identity long before HPA, but it is this distanced nature that contributed to his initial indecisiveness about whether his feelings are organic, and the occasional concern about how much emotional intimacy he is obligated to show in a relationship. Luckily, Kirumi isn’t the type to absolutely need direct communication in a relationship, and is more subtle in demeanor as well.

Having been in the service industry for years and hiding her own emotions (from herself as well), Kirumi is proficient at recognizing others’ needs, and picks up on these issues seamlessly. She isn’t exactly the best at opening up either (this is an area of improvement for both of them), but still makes attempts to directly talk to him about this. Generally, their form of communication is largely nonverbal, being highly in tune with each other-- to this couple, actions speak louder than words, but issues like these are best addressed face-to-face, with words, before they fester.

3. Who is the most romantic?

The anthropologist takes the cake here by societal standards-- his love language is giving gifts and words of affirmation, whereas Kirumi prefers acts of service (no surprise there!) but both share quality time as a commonality, and are very attentive towards each other. Regardless of the gift, Korekiyo is always sure to pick something thoughtful and practical, the way she likes things-- though now and then there’s something more material with emotional value in the mix, which she secretly likes. Kirumi is not used to people being so direct in this department with her, so while she’ll politely cite her preference for gifts as something useful, the silk gloves and other paraphernalia he gets her are a nice way to validate she has an identity outside of being a maid.

Not to mention that he has a way with words, and is incredibly proficient at finding 50 unique ways to compliment her in public, much to her chagrin (and hidden embarrassment,) but he takes pride in, citing that she should be more proud of her accomplishments. Nevertheless, Korekiyo still finds her indirect way of showing affection endearing, especially when she attempts to politely deflect compliments as ‘doing what any maid worth their salt would have done.’

Some things never change... even though he and the other members of Class 79 have slowly gotten her to be more open about accepting assistance from others (she’s overworked herself and passed out once!)

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

Again, while both of them are capable of (and prefer) being lowkey in public, it’s free real estate in private, so once again, this goes to Korekiyo. His official love language isn’t physical touch, but he embodies all five of them quite well, this one very much included.

Kirumi, on the other hand, doesn’t like PDA out of professionalism, which makes her a bit hesitant, even in the privacy of his or her room to be comfortable with it. This isn’t to say she isn’t curious or won’t even consider the possibility, but it takes her a considerable amount of time to warm up to it. Initially, the most you’ll see from them in public is subtle touches on each other’s hand-- little playful taps here and there-- which then morph into holding hands when no one’s around to see it. In private, they’re more willing to be physically close (think head in lap while reading), and Kirumi’s brushed his hair on more than one occasion. It should be noted that one of the most intimate moments the two have had was holding hands in private without any sort of fabric acting as a barrier.

However, Korekiyo does have a cheekier side that slips out (more slyly playful to incite something interesting/fluster her) and is known to slip an arm around her waist, pulling her in close. If you squint, you might catch a faint flush on the usually unflappable Kirumi. Bonus points if this is during the evening, and a breeze blows by. Bonus bonus if this is in public, during broad daylight.

The ‘class dad’ has to assert his dominance every now and then over the unruly children, no?

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

Love comes in a lot of different forms and of course, at each person’s pace. Both of them circle around this topic and have essentially said it nonverbally before, but the first to vocalize it is most likely still Korekiyo. It’s not in Kirumi’s nature to be direct about her emotions (but for duties and professional matters, absolutely), so it’s up to him to say he loves her first.

It’s most likely uttered in private, accompanied with a small kiss, and very quietly-- so quiet you can barely catch it, but that doesn’t matter, because only the one who needs to hear it the most will.

conclusion

Three words best describe this relationship: mature, meaningful, and synchronized.

Both of these individuals are aloof and formal on the surface level, but if one takes the time to truly get to know them, there’s quite the intense fire burning underneath in the form of being utterly devoted to each other every step of the way. Of course, this is all done in a very reserved manner, and if they don’t want you to know about it, you won’t.

Well, if you got here, thank you for reading all of this. I’ve liked this ship for a while, and I remember being nervous to create content-- I’m sure know how volatile fandom life can be, no? Hope you enjoyed my take and spins on their relationship, and I might post more later.

Feel free to request or drop something in the askbox for these two.

69 notes · View notes

tuiccim · 4 years ago

Text

Terrigenisis (Part 3)

Pairing: Avengers X Inhuman!Reader

Words: 2916

Summary: Your life is torn apart after undergoing terrigenisis unwillingly your life is turned upside down when you are deemed too dangerous to return to civilian life. You are put with the Avengers team to train and rebuild your life.

Part 1 / Part 2

—————————————

Before you leave for training the next morning, FRIDAY asks you to meet Steve in the conference room. You walk in the room to see him going through some paperwork.

“Hey. Good Morning.” You smile at him.

“Morning.” He smiles back at you. “I’ve been working through your evaluation for field work. Can you sit with me for a few minutes?”

“Absolutely!” You are excited that he is working on some goals for you. You sit and he goes through each part of the eval. Technically, you’re field ready in every area except one. Firearms. Apparently, your aim has not improved enough according to Bucky. You are proficient enough with handguns, but using larger weapons throws your aim.

"I'm sorry. We can't put you in the field, yet." Steve frowns.

"No, this is great, Steve. This is what I need to know. Now, I have a goal and I know an excellent teacher." You smile at Steve.

"Bucky will keep working with you. He says your handgun skills are great. Your hand to hand is excellent. Just a matter of time, Doll. Uh, Agent, I mean, Y/N." Steve puts a hand on his face and takes a deep breath.

You giggle. You can’t help yourself. “It’s okay, Steve.”

“I didn’t mean to call you doll.” Steve says.

“Really, Steve, it’s okay. I didn’t think anything of it.”

“Thanks.” Steve stands and you follow his lead.

"Well, back to training, then." You smile.

"Right." He smiles back.

You give him a quick side hug and head to the training room.

The team went on another mission and you were left alone on the compound again. As you are training with Redtail one day you really take notice of her sight. The colors and distance she perceives is incredible and so different from your own vision. You carry the information with you as you go through your routine. While in the range you make an incredible discovery and you can't wait to tell Steve and Bucky.

The team returns and you are giddy with excitement. You temper yourself and make a huge dinner for everyone knowing how exhausted they are when they return from long missions like this one. That night as you head to your room after cleaning up the kitchen, you hear Bucky’s voice coming from Steve’s room. A low moan and the whisper of Steve’s name. You freeze in place when you realize what is going on between the two. You pull yourself out of your stupor and grope for your headphones as you continue to your room. It takes you a few minutes to truly wrap your mind around the relationship between the two men. You had absolutely no issue with their relationship, but it was obviously not common knowledge. Or at least not a topic of discussion among the team.

It actually made you feel a little more comfortable. You firmly believed the two to be out of your league, but comments from Sam and Wanda had made you question if one or both had an attraction to you. It put into perspective, also, why Steve felt the need to clarify why he had called you doll the other day. He clearly did not want you reading anything into it. It was sweet really. The two falling in love with each other after being the only thing still tethering them to their pasts. You were happy for them.

The next morning, the team immediately fell back into their routine. You were excited when Bucky entered the range and Steve followed with him as you had asked FRIDAY to request his presence.

“Thank you for coming, Steve. I want to show you both something.” You smile at both. You had already set up for the demonstration you had planned and handed them each safety gear before you started shooting. Picking up one handgun you hold it in your dominant hand and shoot center mass. Without a break, you grab the second gun with your non-dominant hand and aim for headshots. You set both guns down and press the button to bring the target up for inspection. You look back and see both men’s brows furrowed as they stare at the target. Center mass is a perfect cluster of shots forming a small hole, as are the headshots.

“How did you do that?” Bucky asks.

“Now watch.” You pick up Bucky’s favorite gun that normally throws your aim considerably due to the sheer size and velocity of the weapon. Moving to the second target you shoot and again bring the target up to reveal a dead center grouping.

“Doll! How did you do that?” Bucky says emphatically.

You set the gun down and remove your safety gear. “I was working with Redtail the other day and I noticed how sharp her eyesight is. It got me to thinking if I could somehow use it to my advantage on the range when shooting. I spent the next couple of days trying to hone in on the distance sight when shooting and it just worked. It’s like I can see through her eyes even though I’m not warging. Can you imagine what this means? I think it’s just like my ability to comprehend vocal communication. I think I might be able to absorb their abilities. I don’t know if it was because of my long term exposure to her or what, but this could mean so many things if I could learn to do the same with other animals and senses. If I can hone my hearing and sense of smell it would make me even more useful.” Your words are tumbling out in your excitement.

“Whoa, whoa. Hang on.” Steve rubs a hand over his face.

“Did I say something wrong? Isn’t… isn’t this a good thing?” You ask nervously.

“No, yes, no, ugh. Nothing’s wrong. Let’s just go over all of it again. Slowly.” Steve says.

You start over from the beginning, explaining each step you took to get to your conclusion, and how it affected you. Bucky and Steve asked several questions and you answered as well as you could. When you're done you look between the two nervously. Their expressions gave nothing away.

"I have to report this to Fury. We need to update your file and do some work with you to see if this skill is something you can adapt to well. Bucky, work with her with every gun. See if her aim crosses over for all of them."

"It does. Also, throwing knives and bow and arrow. I tried everything while you guys were on the mission. But, I'm happy to go through it all again." You say.

"Thorough.' Bucky smirks.

"I'm a planner." You wink at him and smile.

"Go through it all again with Bucky," Steve turns to Bucky, "and I want a full report after."

Bucky nods and Steve turns to leave.

"Steve. One more thing. I found a dog I'd like to adopt. She's 3 years old and fully trained. I'll pay for her myself but I'd like to have her to work with." You fidget as Steve looks at you with raised eyebrows.

"You really have been busy. I'll check into it." Steve says with an indulgent smile on his face. "Find me this afternoon and we'll talk."

"Okay, thanks." You turn to Bucky with a grin. "Ready when you are." You bounce on the balls of your feet with anticipation.

Bucky smiles as he starts pulling weapons.

"FRIDAY, where's Steve?" You ask that afternoon.

"Captain Rogers is in his room." FRIDAY responds.

"Is he alone?" You ask hesitantly.

"Yes."

You knock on Steve's door a minute later and smile as he opens it. He's wearing a tight t-shirt and sweatpants making him look ready for a run.

"Hey. Is now a good time?" You ask.

"Sure. Are you okay if we talk in here?" He smiles and holds his door open for you.

"Sure." You echo him as you walk in.

He pulls out his desk chair for you and then sits on his bed. He looks at you and you look at him and there’s an awkward silence. Both of you waiting for the other to begin

“So, um, you said we’d talk?” You fidget.

“Right. Tell me about the dog.” Steve says.

“Her name is Dizzy. She’s a three year old Belgian Malinois. Fully trained. I met her two days ago and she handled the warg very well. Highly intelligent. She’s perfect for training and a total sweetheart. What do you think?”

“Dizzy?” Steve chuckles.

“Yeah. Her litter was named after characters from Starship Troopers. It’s a really campy space war movie.” You smile.

“Haven’t seen it. I talked to Tony. He’s okay with the dog since it’s for training purposes. Get the rest of the team’s consent and we can give it a test run.” Steve says.

“Great. Thank you!” You jump up and give Steve a hug.

“You’re welcome, Doll.” Steve says. “I mean…”

“Steve. Really, it’s fine. It’s cute actually.”

“You like being called doll?” He asks.

“Yeah. It’s sweet.” You smile. “I’m not offended by it or anything.”

“I’m glad. You’re a sweetheart.”

“So, are you.” You hug Steve’s waist again and head to the door. “I’ll see you later. I’m going to talk to everyone.”

“See ya later, Doll.” Steve chuckles.

You make the rounds to your teammates and receive consent from each of them. You are giddy with anticipation and call the owner to make arrangements to get Dizzy. As you're getting off the phone you hear a voice from behind, “Hey Doll.”

You turn to see Bucky. “Hey. Did Steve tell you to call me that?”

“He might have mentioned that you like it.” Bucky chuckles as he sits next to you on the couch.

“It’s cute.” You smile.

“You’re cute.” Bucky smiles back.

You laugh and nudge him with your shoulder. You feel much more free and easy with Steve and Bucky since learning of their relationship. You wish you could tell them you knew but you didn't want to force a confindance. “You two are goof troops.”

“What does that mean?”

“Silly and sweet.” You grin.

“Nah. He’s a punk and I’m a jerk.” Bucky says.

“You are not a jerk, Bucky! You are a sweetie!” You laugh.

“Aww, thanks, Doll.” Bucky leans over and kisses your cheek.

“See! So sweet!” You squish Bucky’s cheeks in your hands and then dissolve into giggles at the silly face he mugs.

“What are you two doing?” Natasha asks as she enters the common room with Wanda, Clint, and Vision on her heels.

“Just being silly.” You say. “What are you guys up to?” You catch the glance and smirk exchanged between Nat, Wanda, and Clint and roll your eyes at them.

“Just looking for some food.” Clint says.

“When are you not, Clint?” Natasha jokes.

“When I’m watching your six.” Clint snarks.

“Wanda, I can pick up Dizzy tomorrow. Want to go with me?” You ask.

“I can’t! I’m sorry.” Wanda frowns.

“No worries.” You say.

“I’ll go with you, Doll.” Bucky says.

“It’s an hour drive.” You want him to know what he’s getting into.

“I don’t mind.” Bucky smiles.

“Great! I’m leaving at 9.”

“I’ll be ready.” Bucky says and gets up to leave.

You join the others in the kitchen and chat for a while.

“You and Bucky looked cozy.” Clint says.

“Don’t read anything into it.” You shake your head.

“I’m reading plenty.” Clint says.

“Stop. He’s my mentor and friend.” You say.

“Yeah, you two seem really friendly.” Natasha says.

“Seriously, guys, it’s not like that. Stop.” You say quietly.

“Okay, okay. But don't dismiss it outright. You two would be good for each other.” Wanda winks at you.

“Uuugh.” You close your eyes and bang your head on the counter. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“You’ll definitely see Bucky later.” Clint whispers.

“I can hear you, Legolas!” You call back.

“I meant for you to.” Clint whispers again, chuckling.

The next morning you and Bucky leave from the shooting range to get Dizzy. You are so excited you can barely contain yourself.

"Why don't I drive, Doll?" Bucky says.

"Only if I get to pick the music." You smile.

"Just no more disco." Bucky grouses.

"Oh, come on, Buck. You don't want to 'Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake your booty'" You sing and dance around.

"Maybe if you keep dancing." He winks.

"That's a little difficult in the car. How about some rock?" You say and Bucky nods.

"Are you gonna keep the name Dizzy?" Bucky asks.

"Yeah, I think it's cute. Plus I like the movie. It's hilarious."

"We'll have to put it on the list for movie night."

The drive takes less than an hour with Bucky at the wheel. When you arrive the woman seems a bit wary of Bucky but she relaxes when she sees Dizzy's reaction. Dizzy immediately runs to you and then sniffs Bucky before practically jumping in his arms. You are laughing as Bucky kneels down to play with her. His wide smile and low voice with the dog is endearing.

"Well, she certainly likes your boyfriend." The woman says.

You chuckle at the woman's assumption but decide it's not worth the energy to explain.

"I'm glad Dizzy likes me, too. Huh, girl?" He ruffles the dogs head before standing. Dizzy moves to stand at his side.

You conclude business with the woman and leash Dizzy before heading to the car. Once inside, you turn to Bucky and laughingly say, "Did you steal my dog already?"

"What can I say? I have a way with women." Bucky chuckles. Dizzy tilts her head and lets out a little whine at the noise.

"Chill, girl, you'll see him around plenty." You reach back to pet her head. "You're gonna have lots of friends." You say.

"Have you had a dog before?" Bucky asks.

"Charlie had a pit named Brutus. He was a big baby."

"Where is he now?" Bucky asks.

"He crossed the rainbow bridge about six months before Charlie. We were just starting to talk about getting another dog." You look at your hands suddenly feeling the sadness and loss all over again. "Sorry." You say softly.

"It's okay, Doll."

"It just hits me sometimes that he's really gone."

"Grief is a process. You always feel the loss of those you love. He was a good guy, huh?"

"Yeah. He was. You and Steve remind me of him sometimes. He was an Army Ranger. Served three tours. Did I ever tell you that?"

"No." Bucky gives you a sideways glance.

"He had just discharged when I met him. Still adjusting to being back in civilian life. It took him awhile but he did it. He was brave and smart and really, really loving." Your voice breaks.

Bucky reaches out and takes your hand. "I'm so sorry you lost him, Doll, but I'm glad he was good to you. You deserved that."

"Thanks, Bucky." You hold hands for the remainder of the trip and your melancholy slips away the closer you get to the compound. "Okay Dizzy, ready to see your new home and meet the rest of the family?"

Dizzy's ears perk up and her tail wags. You and Bucky take her around the compound. Dizzy is very well-behaved and everyone seems to take a liking to her. When you introduce her to Steve she reacts in much the same way she did with Bucky. Practically rolling over for him. You are elated at how Dizzy and the team seem to immediately bond.

That evening as you are bringing her back from a walk when you overhear Bucky in Steve's room, "Did you know he was an Army Ranger?"

"No. I don't remember her ever mentioning it." Steve says. "She was crying?"

"No, just sad." Bucky says.

Dizzy obviously hears their voices too and swivels her head. "Wanna check in with the guys before bed, Dizzy?"

You knock on the door and smile when Steve opens it. "Hey. We heard you guys still up and Dizzy wanted to check in before bed."

“Hey Diz.” Steve pets the dogs head. “How, uh, how much did you hear?”

“Um, Bucky telling you Charlie was an Army Ranger. That was really it.” You shrug.

“Can you hear me a lot?” Steve asks.

“I usually have my headphones or earplugs in. I try to be respectful of everyone’s privacy.” You say.

“I know. I just forget how good your hearing is sometimes. You okay? This jerk didn’t upset you today?” Steve smirks as he gestures to Bucky.

“Watch it, Punk.” Bucky grouses.

“I’m fine. Like I told Bucky, it just hits me sometimes. I mean, I know Charlie’s gone. I’ve come to terms with that. It’s just sometimes… I’m sorry. You guys probably know better than anyone.”

“Doesn’t make it easier for you. If you ever need anything, we’re here for you.” Steve says.

“Both of us.” Bucky says.

“Thank you. I’m really glad to have you both as friends.” You smile.

“Who’s a good girl?” You hear from Bucky a minute later.

“She is!” You smile at Bucky who is on the floor with Dizzy practically in his lap. Dizzy’s tongue lolls out of her mouth as Bucky scratches her ears. “Alright, Dizzy, let’s let the guys get some sleep. Come on, girl. Night guys.”

“Night, Doll.” Bucky says.

Part 4

“Sweet dreams.” Steve says.

Part 3 1/2 (A smutty Stucky Vignette)

Or go to

Permanent: @bubbabarnes @badassbaker @thefridgeismybestie @strangersstranger @cherthegoddess @drunkbucky @sherlocksmanwatson @cap-n-stuff

Masterlist

404 notes · View notes

life-rewritten · 4 years ago

Text

Giants of Thai BL AKA The MOST ANTICIPATED THAI BL SHOWS FOR 2021

It's weird to think that the year 2020 has ended. This has been a journey in the past year, on the surface everywhere you looked it looked like there was no place to be happy and excited because of all the things that happened. It was suffocating at times, tiring at best, and it was just astonishing how many things could go wrong in only one year. That being said, one genre/demographic that grew even stronger this year, took some time to impress and improve on its tropes, its ideas and concepts and that's BL. Which also took some of us by surprise, for the ones who've been watching BL since the first oldies, to the new people who joined and also became in love with the genre and have stayed since then. BL has been an incredible, interesting journey, and I am so happy to say that it looks like 2021 isn't letting go of that energy. So to celebrate entering 2021, a year hopefully for a release from all the worries in 2020, a year to restart, refresh and keep getting better, here are the Giants of Thai Bl making their way in 2021. We have so many insane ones, from more mafia dramas to new unique non-university storylines, to og actors, and new powerful ones, to interesting pairings and new channels producing shows for 2021 to many many more countries joining the fight to be the top of our affections and energy. Thai BL is not going anywhere, and you know what that's perfectly fine with me.

GMMTV

I already did a whole squeal about the shows upcoming from GMMTV here: But after careful consideration here is my top 3 most anticipated: Enchante, Not Me, Bad Buddy. I know Enchante beat out ATOTS, but for me, I'm obsessed with the way the writer plans secrets and meta to unveil, and I keep repeating it's by Theory of Love director and production team. I'm so excited. I just hope they put in the same energy and effort they used in theory of love for this you have so many potential incredible actors that can take over this genre if you give them a good script and hard work. Hopefully, GMMTV intends to do so for not just their royal couple shows but also for rookie actors because Book and Force in this trailer? Looks fantastic.

Studio Wabi-sabi

When I hear about Studio Wabi-Sabi, you see two juxtaposed reactions from me, one you see anticipation and excitement from seeing my most loved actors off-screen; however, you also hear a groan from me. I'm sorry I didn't use to be this way, I used to be so ready to embrace every show directed and created by New Siwaj; in 2020, New was one of the directors I kept having headaches about because of all his shows in 2020? What exactly happened? Why did they flop so hard? Why was he so slow? I'm hoping that it's because he had too many projects to handle at the same time since fair enough LBC was filmed same time as GMMTV My gear and your gown and maybe that was too much to handle? But the reason why I like News choices usually are because they're emotional, impressive with their plot lines and have good character arcs and couples we end up falling in love with. He could be an iconic director because he has so much talent in his company, so I'm hoping he uses his lessons and grows and becomes better in 2021. But Let's get to the shows announced so far for 2021 because they both have the potential to take over 2021. I said what I said.

Between Us

Genre: Friends with benefits, Romance, Comedy, PTSD, Angst,

Ahh, this is incredible. I'm so happy. Win and Team are from a great tv show already with Until We Meet Again and not going to lie, but seeing Buon as Win and Prem as Team? Perfection. Like guys I actually fell so hard for this couple despite their low screen time. Buon stole the scene each time he appeared, with his little smirks, and mischief, with flirty bad-boy energy and their relationship, was precisely what I live for passionate and full of chemistry. They're great, which is why it's so exciting to see that Between Us is getting its own show, the show based on these two love story in a parallel timeline to Until we meet again. I screamed. The book sounds interesting; we're getting some conversations about PTSD, some healing relationships, and angst and more passion. I'm so excited about this since I first saw BuonPrem. I knew they were going to get known enough to bring their own show. And they deserve it, let's hope we get an interesting script that keeps us invested, enough opportunities for these two to have softer and profound moments whilst still holding on to their passion, and let the drama not be stale but addicting. Please New, don't let this show also be slow-paced, I'll lose it if another show is ruined by directing from you.

Ratings: 4/5: BuonPrem, they leap off the screen, their chemistry is that great. From hearing about the plot I'm also excited to a more in-depth look into Team's insomnia and his past and psychological scars, and I'm hoping to see a deeper reason for why these two should be together.

Love Mechanics 2

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends with benefits, Unrequited love,

That's the thing about Wabi-Sabi; they have amazing actors that steal our hearts away. This shows cast is no different, it's YinWar and it's a collab with Channel 3. Like What? It's everything. YinWar from Love Mechanics trended with millions of people obsessed and wanting the show to be extended and actually appropriately done. In came Channel 3 and we have this gem coming on April. No words. YinWar on screen is thrilling; War is just outstanding as Mark, his nuances, his glares, his looks of pain and longing, man I was absorbed into it. Although LM's writing is toxic and really left me feeling confused and uncomfortable with the details pushed aside, it was hard to ship VeeMark when Yin's character made terrible decisions and was awful even in the book. I'm the queen of analysing damaged flawed characters, and I don't run away from toxicity as long as there is a growth and change later on, as long as there's a good reason we needed to see that. For Vee's character, his actions were unnecessary for us to know about his character; they were just messy and upsetting. That's why I think seeing more depth for his actions and seeing Mark regress and also make mistakes like him will even out their relationship and make me feel more understanding about how these two flawed characters came to be and why they should be together. Let's hope with funds from Channel 3, more effort and energy put into the show, it'll be great because with actors like War this show can be just as big as it was when it had errors. Maybe even better.

Ratings 3.5/5 Love mechanics messy storyline makes me worried about this, but I think I might have a great time watching and analysing Mark's revenge after being heartbroken. The angst and drama of it all just sound interesting.

Channel 3

2020 brought a new surprise with Channel 3 deciding to invest in BLS. BLs have always been not on mainstream channels, so seeing Channel 3 in Thailand decide to make their own shows, a collab with other companies, and bring some directors and writers and actors known in the BL world already, shows they are serious. This may be because of the success of 2gether and other breakthroughs in 2019 taking over the scene. But I can see that Channel 3 did not come here to play, they are researching, looking for ways to make a great BL with the information provided on the past BLs and they want to make it big. And you know what with shows like GEN Y showing up last year, I want to believe that Channel 3 is a competition for GMMTV and others. They invest in funds and have longer minutes for their episodes, and they also pay attention to international fans by streaming on new places like Iquiyi and others. It's exciting. Channel 3 has already dipped their toes with Love Mechanics, and in 2021 they have even more shows to give us:

Teddy Bear Miracle

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Supernatural, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Fantasy, Mystery, Lakorn

What a weird title for a show. What an odd premise. What a bizarre book. But you know what I'm so excited about this; this is meant to be a lakorn series that is BL. Like wow, it has a good cast, known faces in the Thai acting scene and a director/screenwriter who has won awards for his own script. That's even more exciting. But the best thing about this is that it's a fantasy and has supernatural themes, yep it's weird we're dealing with a magic system where teddy bears come to life, and other inanimate objects talk? But I'm so excited to see what this brings; we have a man transformed from a teddy bear with amnesia who's searching for his past and how he ended up as one and his owner who's not yet ready to let his comfort go. It's so interesting, with family history and drama and of course, a romance that will probably touch my heart. I'm excited for this zany, wacky and dramatic show. Normally, I shy away from the crazy because I don't like crack humour, and it just means a bunch of many irritating sound effects and editing choices. But I want to trust the whole team from Channel 3, from the behind the scenes the show looks great, the couple has chemistry, and I'm excited to delve into the mystery at play and see what this story is meant to become. So excited honestly.

Ratings: 4.1/5 The wacky magic system scares me not going to lie, but I have faith for some reason in Channel 3, so I think this might shock us all. I think we'll get good acting, and perhaps good directing too. The mystery might also make me want to analyse. We shall see.

Lovely Writer

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Acting/Writing Industry, Haters to Lovers,

Did you say Kao and Up and P'Tee the director of TharnType the series? Sign me up I'm there; I've been screaming a bit since I heard about this series. From the first time, it was announced that Channel 3 was turning the book into a show, I was like this sounds unique again? And it has an interesting plot, I guess, and it's also going to have drama. I'm hopeful then. When I heard about the whole team and watched the trailer, I got into it even more. Lovely Writer sounds right up my alley, to be honest, we have this introverted writer who is determined to write a masterpiece and stop his company from making him produce BLs for the hype only for his next project to be a BL show which leads him to his new sneaky, sly, wolf in sheep's clothing roommate. Kao played his roommate from Until we meet again who won my heart as Korn and made me cry buckets. So, of course, I'm excited, Nubsib (Kao) may have some tricks up his sleeve to get next to Gene, but I think things will be more complicated than he thought, I'm ready to explore the world of the film industry and dating scandals that Gene and Sib will fall into the more they fall for each other. The angst and drama. Can't wait. Also, TharnType is one of my favourite series, and one of the reasons is because of Tee so... That's even more reason to see Gene and Sip's love story develop. Will it be as angsty, passionate and filled with plot twists? From what I hear maybe.

Ratings: 4/5 I just think this is an excellent team for a BL backed by Channel 3 and also has an exciting plot filled with ups and downs. I'm excited to see what happens and from the behind the scenes they released in the new year I think it'll be right up my alley.

NADAO

It had to be mentioned that I'm still in shock that Nadao is investing more into BL's. I don't know why, it just feels too good to be true, after giving me show after show that's perfection and quality I'm starting to have high expectations and hope for more, despite my weary heart not wanting to trust that this is real. I'm dramatic, I know. Anyways Nadao has gifted me twice with two shows that have shocked me and made my jaw fall in awe. I'm just like wow, they really did that. Every single piece of work that comes from them is art. Every single script is exceptionally written. Every single show is acted beautifully, and every single director and producer makes me inspired by the way they create. This is when focusing on their BLs because Great Man Academy and I told sunset about you are masterpieces in their own way, they deserve to be praised and never forgotten. It's just incredible that with a company like Nadao, everything falls into place, even when we think it won't because of past experiences. Nadao has shown up and decided to create unique pieces each thoughtful. Deep and breathtaking. Why won't I be over the moon when 2021 announces that we're getting another part from them with I told sunset about you getting a sequel. You bet I haven't stopped screaming and looking at the time to hurry up, so we get to March 11. I'm serious.

ITSAY PART 2

Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama, University, Coming of age

And that's because of what ITSAY was to us in 2020. It was something that can't be explained concisely. It was everything. To hear that we're getting the second part of the story of Oh and Teh, I feel like I am already preparing my heart and mind for another invasion, last time I was a mess because of this show, I was all over the place because of this show, and I was incredibly happy for a moment because of this show. To relive that again would be everything. It's slightly worrying that Teh and Oh finally getting together and fighting through the odds to stay together will run into more obstacles. Are you kidding me? After all, we went through to see them together?? It makes me worried, I have this real distrust for sequels of BLs, and it hasn't changed despite 2020 producing some okay follow-ups. Sequels never meet the expectation set; sequels are always reduced in quality because the focus is now on popularity and fame, sequels lose their integrity of the characters we've come to know and love and sequels hurt. They make me sometimes give up on a show that is my love, and it hurts. It's a painful realisation that I can't take away or forget the sequel events, so these characters are now ruined infinitely for me—looking at Together with me next chapter. It's scary. But Nadao hasn't failed yet, I mean it when I say their scripts are like works of art, I mean it when I say you can tell they put blood, sweat and tears to create their shows, why would ITSAY part 2 be any different? These two shows I mentioned before are coming together because the director of GMA is joining the team of ITSAY to produce whilst Boss becomes the producer. As long as he's there, I'm fine, as long as we still get hard work, energy, effort and thought put into it. I'm fine. Because it translates on screen, I'll try to lower my expectations, but I can't wait to see BilkinPP as TehOh again. I can't wait to fall in love with the show all over again. Let's hope we all end up satisfied.

Ratings: 4.5/5 The being a sequel is what's deducting the 0.5. I can't come here and be a fool; I must guard my heart against disappointment somewhat, despite failing already to do so.

Other Affiliates

We have our other shows. These were a pleasant surprise. With all the growth of new BLs, it's starting to get crowded and saturated, but as much as it's hard to see which shows stand out above all the noise, some make you see it. These shows are the ones that stand out for me out of the rest in 2021. I don't know what companies they're from, all I know is the information given to me and past experiences.

KinnPorsche

Genre: Romance, Mafia, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Bodyguard trope

AHHH. Can you hear me AHH. Okay, I'll calm down. But no really, KinnPorsche is finally preparing for filming and the cast has been set and I'm screaming. KinnPorsche was the book in 2020 that was announced as the most coveted; I remember so many fandoms wanted their actors to be chosen as the main cast. The reason? Because this is meant to be the first Mafia/Crime BL. Yes, you heard us, no more universities and engineers we're doing bodyguards and spoilt gangsters. I'm... But just knowing this, you just know that the show will also have angst, angst angstttt for days, drama, and a romance that probably involves haters to lovers, passion, and character development. We're coming in with guns blazing, with many side couples that look just as good and interesting, and many actors that look perfect for their roles. I cannot wait for KinnPorsche, especially when one of my favourite actors is going to be in it as a second lead Jeff Satur! Have you seen the posters, the character introduction, who they're casting for the rest of the show? This looks amazing, it seems well put together, and the whole team looks determined and ready to give us a great show. I'm honestly so excited, but I've also heard things about the book that I will have to wait for the show to be a judge of before saying. All I can say is quality of a show also includes the themes in the script, we're trying to evolve past the toxic plots and ideas in BL, so I'm hoping if there is any we cut it real quick and change that part. It's the producers and directors' choice to keep parts in that could be edited or removed. I haven't read the book, so I'm going to be wary about it for now, but from the whole cast, teasers, and posters I really think this show could be a favourite if appropriately handled.

Ratings: 4?/5 The question mark is for the rumours I've heard about the book. I can't lie that I want this show to be great and become one of my all-time favourites but with angst and violent personalities and passion comes leeways to toxicity and more and that's just not cute or needed.

My Engineer Season 2

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Unrequited love, University,

Okay, this is it, folks. My Engineer came in 2020 and knocked our socks off; it's the most underrated great show in 2020 (apart from why r u) in my opinion. It was brilliantly constructed with enough screen time and plot for every couple of the show. My Engineer is a great show; it didn't make it to my favourites because I had issues with the main couple, but it was my most enjoyed when it came to the side couples. Because we had KingRam, TharaFong, and MekBoss. (Sorry to BohnDuen Fans). These were some of the most exciting, heartfelt, loving couples in 2020, KingRam was just chef kiss. And to hear that we're getting a sequel based on them? Well you know what I did, I screamed. I loved both KingRam and TharaFrong they were done so well, acted so well, and they made me laugh and laugh and then squeal and blush. They were too cute. The ending of my engineer left both these couples on a cliff hanger; we had a depressing bro zone with TharaFong as Fong came to realise his feelings, we had a wait what moment with Ram telling King he wasn't drunk when the kiss happened which is essentially a 'we need to deal with this new situation' text. And it's got me so excited to see what happens next. The first part of this was excitement. The second part is sigh, sequels. I told you didn't sequels are just urgh. I couldn't stop my excitement about KingRam, and I went to read the novel, and I usually don't mind it, but I don't think if the sequel is based on their story that I'd like them in season 2. And that's ridiculous because they're finally the main couple of season 2, and TalayPerth is impressive to see on screen. Sigh. I wasn't happy when reading the book; there are specific actions and choices made that just shifts the dynamic of the first season into the opposite. And I'm not particularly excited to relive those moments. Let's just say I still have high hopes for My engineer mostly cause I don't know what's happening to the other couples; I really hope there's a change in the script, maybe more information, more reasons for the characters to act the way they do, more depth? Because I want to like this show, I want it successful, but I'm not a clown I can't pretend it will be if it's based on the books. We'll see if I'm proved wrong. I hope I am.

Ratings: 3.5- Why did I read the book why?? I should have come into it blind I would have given it a 5/5 just for KingRam. Sigh

Love Stage

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Gender Bender, Friends to Lovers, Childhood friends,

This was a shock. Thailand has started to remake mangas from Japan, and it's all the most loved ones. In 2021 we already have Antique Bakery being remade by GMMTV (Read my GMMTV Giants of 2021) and now we have Love Stage which is also getting a Japanese Movie remake out in 2021. It's a great manga, anime and it's going to be a fun show. I enjoyed the characters, and I liked the storyline. But what I'm the most excited about when it comes to this is Kaownah and Turbo finally, after years of waiting have a new series. YES. Kaownah plays Long in TharnType our villain, and he was incredible in that. I heard he and Turbo were meant to be in the show My Umbrella, but it was cancelled and forgotten which was disappointing. These two are so cute, they're known for their fanservice and their chemistry and friendship. And I like them a lot. I can't wait to see Love Stage. I think they'll kill it. Can't wait to hear more about it let's hope this time it sticks and comes through on our screens.

Ratings: 4/5 It's a fun storyline, and it has an excellent acting couple. I'm excited.

If 2021 already sounded brilliant because of GMMTV 2021, 2021 sounds even more exciting with these new shows; there's so many coming out, so many breaking stereotypes, so many unique plotlines, and so many great actors showing up. It's going to be a great year. I'm just glad BLs are growing, things are changing slowly, things are starting to have meaning and improve, international fans are being listened to, LGBT voices is also being listened to, we are getting there, not yet there but closer, every single time someone makes a choice to create a great plot and story that is more than just two guys making out, a show filled with heart, messages and essential representation with the good actors that also want the shows to mean something or are willing to put their all in it, every time someone chooses to make a good BL, you're paving the way for change and for the meaning of BL to change as well, for it just to be seen as something more in media. And that's needed for so many people who want shows like this to be respected and created for voices that need to be heard and displayed. Let’s see more with excellent quality in 2021.

#thai bl #bl series #bl drama #gmmtv 2021 #between us #love mechanics #itsay #i told sunset about you #my engineer #lovely writer #wrpup #2021

117 notes · View notes

lassieposting · 3 years ago

Note

💘💘💘💘 + ghasdug

send me 💘 + A SHIP and i’ll tell you—

where they first met and how

So Skug says they stowed away on the same ship, but this is...not exactly true.

He stowed away on that ship, because he was running away from home and he was a snobby little lordling who'd never had to fend for himself a day in his life, so the furthest ahead he'd actually thought to plan was "they won't want to turn around and drop me off once they're underway".

Ghastly was not stowed away at any point during that trip. Ghastly was signed on for the journey as a deckhand, because Ghastly's mother told him he needed to, and it had to be that particular ship. Ghastly gets seasick, and did not want to go to sea in the slightest. But Ghastly's mother has visions and so Ghastly does as he is told. Apparently there was something important waiting for him on that ship.

Anyway Skug pops out once he thinks they're far enough away from shore that they'll leave him be rather than take him back to port, and he is incredibly mistaken. The captain is in favour of turning him around right there and then, because he's clearly some rich lord's brat, and whoever his father is will probably pay handsomely for his safe return. Ghastly manages to talk the ship's crew into letting him stay on, provided he pulls his weight like the rest of them.

Needless to say, even before they're attacked by pirates, that voyage is a rude awakening for poor Skug, and good lord does Ghastly hear all about it. He has blisters. His feet hurt. This shirt was expensive and now it's all sweaty. His hair is in his eyes all the time. He's tired. The guy in the next bunk snores. Some of these people look like they have lice. He didn't realise he'd be doing manual labour, this is servant stuff, how dare they.

Ghastly does. Not realise at that point what he has let himself in for.

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

Poor Ghastly gets to pine for years. Baby Skug isn't a great boyfriend. He's less invested - he loves Ghastly, but they have two totally different outlooks.

Ghastly is ugly. He's always been ugly. He's got a face he believes only his mother could love. He's never believed he'd find someone who saw past that or loved him regardless. So as soon as he gets Skug into bed, he's over the moon and ready to commit. He's like 17, and would absolutely settle down there and then given half a chance.

Skug, on the other hand, was a weird-looking child who only recently grew into an attractive adolescent and he is loving it. For the first time in his life, girls are noticing him. He doesn't want to settle down, he wants to play the field and sow some wild oats and have fun. So there are periods of exclusivity with Ghastly, interspersed with periods where Skug basically drops him to chase after the latest pretty bit of skirt.

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

Ghastly's smitten by the time they make it back to Ireland - Skug is a bit soft and allergic to hard work and a pain in the arse, but he's flashy and charismatic and funny and pays attention to him without gawking at his face (past the initial "good god, what happened to you?") - but Skug is well and truly settled into living with Ghastly's family by the time he actually gives Ghas the come-on.

where their first date was and what it was like

They went to the local tavern and got drunk, and then rode home in the pouring rain once it kicked them out at closing time.

When they got home, Ghastly's parents had long since gone to bed, but that wasn't necessarily unusual - once Skug, who has a considerable allowance, is old enough to start drinking, Saoirse institutes a rule that if they're not home by the time she and her husband turn in for the night, she'll leave blankets in the barn and they can sleep there instead. She's not having them barging in, wasted, at all hours of the day and night, waking her up after a hard day's work.

So they put the horses away and give them a quick rub down, and Ghastly is trying to look anywhere but Skug because Skug's shirt has gone kind of see-through and poor Ghastly is an awkward, horny teenage boy, but he keeps shooting him these furtive glances over the horse's back and Skug notices because Skug notices everything and lowkey teases him about it. "Want me to sit for a portrait? It'll last longer," sort of teasing, and Ghastly tries to laugh along but he's also vibrant red because he's been caught staring, so obviously Skug realises something's up

And he's precisely as tactful about it as he ever is about anything, and jokes, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you wanted me," and Ghastly's ears burn and he doesn't deny it quick enough and now Skug's eyebrows are inching towards his hairline and Ghastly panics because like, he's ugly, Skug is going to be disgusted or laugh at him and he can't cope with either, so he just? Freezes?

But like. Skug was a weird-looking, unfortunate child who very recently grew into an attractive adolescent, so he fucking thrives on attention. So his response to this awkward not-quite-a-confession is actually a moment of silence while he mulls this new information over (this feels like an eternity to poor Ghastly) followed by an early attempt at using The Hot Voice and, "If you want me, have me."

So, they end up having sex in the hayloft on the blankets Ghastly's mom left out for them. Ghastly has never even been kissed and doesn't admit that he has no idea what he's doing until he realises Skug is expecting him to take the lead. He also blurts that he loves Skug when he nuts, so like. It's your typical painfully embarrassing virginity loss.

It can't be all bad though, because Skug's up for doing it again.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

So in my endgame-ghasdug AU, they get back together post-TDOTL. Ghastly survives being stabbed, but the blade nicked his spinal cord, so he's in a wheelchair for quite a while, and then has to do A Lot of physical therapy to relearn how to walk. Skug shows up at the hospital/facility where he's recovering every day unless there's an emergency, because Ghastly is very depressed and struggling with survivor's guilt over Anton and doesn't see the point in doing his physio because it hurts and he's exhausted and he shouldn't be alive anyway. And Skug annoys him into doing it, mostly by heckling him from the other side of the room, because he's not great at the whole emotional support thing. Ghastly will mutter, "Christ, I want to hit you," and Skug will tell him, "Well, if you come over here to do it I won't even duck." And if Ghastly gets his ass up and uses the walking frame support thing to cross the room, well, then Skug will take a punch like a man and be happy about it because Ghastly walked.

They also talk a lot during this period. Ghastly feels like shit, and he reminisces a lot about the good old days and how he never saw Ravel's betrayal coming and memories he has of Anton, and sometimes that veers into memories they share from when they were young men. And Skug, at this point, is old enough and has been through enough to admit that he wasn't great to Ghastly when they were boys. He was flighty and selfish and high-maintenance, and he would've hated to be treated the way he treated Ghastly. And he tells him that, at one point - that he's sorry, and if he could go back and do it differently, he would, assuming Ghastly was daft enough to be willing to put up with him a second time.

And Ghastly laughs and tells him, "I'd still have you now, you stupid bastard."

who proposes first

Ghastly. They're 19/20. Skug thinks he's joking.

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

Neither - they don't announce it, but it's not exactly a secret either. Ghastly's parents notice pretty much straight away, but other than a few parental pointers on what is and isn't appropriate, it's not really a topic of conversation.

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? )

Skug's sister Confelicity accepts the first proposal she gets at the age of 16, because she's desperate to get out of their parents' house and away from their toxic relationship and controlling behaviour. Their father disapproves and refuses to attend the wedding (and, of course, their mother is not allowed her own opinion), and Carver is out of the country, so Skug stands in to a) pay and b) give away the bride. He takes Ghastly for moral support, because he doesn't like most of his relatives and also doesn't like the groom (Thurid Guild - their relationship doesn't improve when Confelicity divorces him a few years later to marry a baronet). While they're watching the couple say their vows, Ghastly murmurs, "We should get married."

Skug is right in the middle of his hoe phase and does not realise Ghastly's serious.

who’s more dominant

Generally, Skug. He is one hell of a force of personality and Ghastly does get steamrollered quite a bit, although he does eventually learn how to say no. Skug always gets things his way, always does whatever he likes and be damned to the consequences, and Ghastly is always there with a handful of the back of his shirt, pulling his ass out of whatever fire he started.

In bed, though, it's Ghastly.

how into pda they are

As teenagers, Ghastly's mother has to reprimand them occasionally for being too all over each other, but teenagers be rabidly horny. As grown men, they're just sort of casually affectionate. Comfortable with each other. When they're relaxing in camp after a day of travelling, Skug will lean against Ghastly to read a book or put his head on Ghastly's leg while they chat. They can have a silent conversation just by reading each other's faces. They'll nudge each other when something reminds them of an in-joke. They have that easy intimacy that comes with having known each other forever.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

As boys, Ghastly has a particular flowery meadow he likes to take Skug to for picnics, because he's a romantic. Skug at that age is considerably less so, and more interested in whether they can screw there without getting caught.

In the modern day, they go to see old movies. Ghastly was very into the early films of the late 1910s and the 1920s, after the war finished. He associates them with a time where he finally got to just set up his shop and live the life he always wanted to live. Skug hasn't seen most of Ghastly's favourites, because he spent that period of history fighting the truce and then spiralling into a black hole of trauma and misery, but he got very into the noir detective era to the point that he's still clinging to the aesthetic like 80 years later, so they'll alternate who picks the movies and catch each other up on their favourites.

who’s more protective

They've both spent their fair share of time fretting in the chair beside a hospital bed. After Ravel's betrayal, though, it's Skug. Ghastly retires as soon as he's considered fit to make the decision, and decides he wants to go back to Dublin to reopen his shop and just sort of try and forget Roarhaven exists. And Skug is absolutely adamant that he gets to do it. There's a lot of interest in Ghastly for a while - groundbreaking healing magic was used to fix what should've been a permanent injury, people want to know if he suspected Ravel, they want his advice on how to rebuild after Devastation Day. He's more approachable than China, and a lot more popular. But he can't cope with it all, and anyone who tries to hassle him in Dublin will have Skug to deal with.

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

The first night Skug stays at Ghastly's family home. Ghastly is an only child, and his family isn't wealthy - their house doesn't have a guest room. It's sleep with Ghastly or sleep on the floor, and Little Lord Priss isn't going to be sleeping on the floor.

Honestly, he's relieved there isn't a spare room for him. He's never really slept alone before. Like most children of very wealthy families back then, he grew up in a nursery with his four oldest brothers and sisters, and when he was too old to live with The Children, he shared a room, first with Carver and then with Francis. The thought of being on his own in a strange house is pretty intimidating.

He moves to his own bed as soon as they get him one, but he stays in Ghastly's room, and he's perfectly happy with that.

(Ghastly is less happy. He's very much crushing on Skug and he's terrified he'll say something incriminating in his sleep.)

who steals whose clothes and how often

Skug gets to steal Ghastly's clothes for a year or two after he moves in with Ghastly's family. After that, they're built too differently. Ghastly is built like a brick shithouse of muscle. Skug is lean and toned and tall. When they're younger, he can more or less wear Ghastly's clothes as a nightshirt, but after Skug's final growth spurt, Ghastly's clothes don't sit right on him at all, and he's gotten too vain and fashion-conscious by that point to just wear them anyway.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

Ghastly is fussy about his tea. Plenty of milk, two and a half sugars, leave the teabag in.

Skug just inhales it black, which Ghastly thinks is an abomination.

if they ever have any children together

Ghastly thanks his lucky stars every day that they have a 0% chance of accidentally spawning a skuglet. One of him is plenty.

He's very involved with Skugbab when he comes along, though. He's godfather and a very present uncle.

if they have any special pet names for each other

Skug doesn't do nicknames, and would rather not be given them, either. Ghastly gets away with "Skul", primarily because he's the only one who's known Skug since he was all of 16, but also because "Skulduggery" is a mouthful when all your blood is rushing to your downstairs brain and it's his own damn fault that he didn't think of that before he picked it.

if they ever split up and / or get back together

So many times. They're on and off again more frequently than Saracen's clothes. Every time Skug spots someone new, he ends it with Ghastly to pursue them, and then comes back when he loses interest or it doesn't work out.

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

Ghastly's family home is an old farmhouse on the outskirts of Dublin. It's simple, but cosy, and Ghastly's dad is incredibly houseproud, so it's very well-looked-after. Skug prefers it by miles to his own palacial, but cold and unwelcoming, family home, and he tries to replicate the vibe later on with Wifey. It's pretty small compared to what he's used to, so it sort of feels like they're all living on top of each other, and he has to get used to not having any servants and drawing his own water to heat his own bath etc, but he's loved there, and that makes all the difference.

what their names are in each other’s phones

They're both old-ass men about some things, and this is one of them. So no emojis or anything - they're "Ghastly Bespoke" and "Skul". How romantic.

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

Ghastly wakes up first: he's used to rising early to get started on his chores. Skug is absolutely not a morning person at this point in his life and Ghastly frequently has to turf his ass out of bed by pulling his quilt off/dumping water on him/yelling in his ear.

Reversed with modern day ghasdug: Ghastly still wakes at a sensible time, but damn it he left the army a century ago and now he likes a lie in. Skug never really stopped being a soldier and still has most of his military habits, so he's up with the sun.

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

Ghastly is the big spoon. Skug likes to be Held.

who hogs the bathroom

Skug. The boy is vain as all fuck. There is a grand total of one cloudy looking-glass in Ghastly's family's home and Skug spends a good chunk of the morning hogging it to fuss with his hair and peacock at his reflection. Ghastly is under strict orders Never to mention this to Fletcher.

#skulduggery pleasant #ghasdug #sp headcanons #long post

12 notes · View notes

dumbbitchenergy17 · 4 years ago

Text

I’m Sorry (Part 4)

Summary- You are Michael’s vessel as you are Dean’s kid and letting him use you instead of your dad.

Dean x Daughter!Reader

Word count- 3862

Masterlist

It was an abandoned church people were hanging from chains, some crying others passed out from their wounds one man slowly bleeds in a goblet bound to a chair. Footsteps approach Michael healing a cut on the man bleeding Michael takes the goblet that is now full of blood and nods approvingly.

“A little of this… a little of that.” He pours some angel grace in and swirls it as it dissolves, “and," Michael forces the man’s mouth open and pours the blood down his throat.

“Yes, good boy.” The man begins to choke and gasp before the vessel burns out.

Michael frowns, “Hmm. Too much ‘that’. How disappointing.” He grabs the corpse and drags him over to a pile. All failed attempts bodies piled up with burned-out eyes and blood pouring from it. Looking over the line of people in chains he spins his knife

“Alright. Who’s next?”

In the bunker, Mary and Bobby look over weapons “Who goes to Duluth in October. Sure Michael didn’t touch down in Orlando?” Bobby says check over a handgun

Mary looks over at him “Jo was pretty specific. Duluth.”

Bobby sighs ”Yeah, well, angels ain’t exactly known for their veracity.” Mary clears her throat and looks behind Bobby, as Cas enters “No offense.”

Cas nods ”None taken. I tend to agree with you.” Mary clicks the barrel back in handing it over to Sam who sits with his laptop. “Here you go.”

Sam nods scrolling through the police reports “Thanks” Footsteps cause every to look over at who entered and it was Dean holding a beer

“Hey Dean how are you.” Mary greets him everyone walking on eggshells.

“I’m fine do we have anything.” Dean sits across from Sam taking a sip.

“Uh yeah, so I’ve been searching through police reports in Duluth. Cops just turned up a pile of corpses that was dumped near some train tracks just north of town and their eyes were burnt out.” Sam explains tilting the screen toward everyone else.

“So Michael. We should go now.” Sam glanced over at Cas

“No. This isn’t just Michael we’re talking about.”

“It’s Y/n,” Dean stated

Sam nodded “Yeah. Cas, you know why you can’t come with us, right?”

Cas looked down upset he couldn’t help “My angelic presence would be sensed by Michael, thereby nullifying your hopes of a sneak attack.”

Sam gave him a pity smile “Yeah, sorry.”

“And, you need me to stay here and babysit Nick and Jack.” Cas frowns putting his hands in his coat.

“It’s not babysitting, Cas,” Dean responded sipping his beer.

Cas look over at Dean and frowned “Only in the sense that they’re not infants, but they both have to be supervised. Jack is lost without his grace, Nick is...he’s just a mess.”

“Well, it-it’s not his fault. Cas, Nick was housing, you know. He-he deserves a shot at rebuilding his life.” Sam defended Nick even though he did house Lucifer.

“And yet every time I look at him, all I can see is the supreme agent of evil.” Cas retorted but frowns seeing Jack walk in feeling bad talking about a touchy-subject

“You’re talking about my dad again? Look, I understand. Being around Nick...it’s hard for me, too.” Jack says

Mary comes over placing a hand on his shoulder “Uh, Jack, we’re going to need you to sit this mission out. Not a permanent thing.” Jack nods

“I know last time, I sucked when it mattered, and I need to improve. So...that’s what I’m gonna do.” Sam stands up grabbing his gun

“Alright. Okay.” Sam looks over his family and rests on his brother who nods in return

“Let’s move.” When they arrived at the station they were taking into the morgue where multiple people laid on tables.

“These are just some of the victims. More are in the hall, a couple in a storeroom,” The coroner grimaced “we don’t usually see this kind of action in Duluth.”

Mary glanced over the other bodies “The injuries all pretty uniform?” The Coroner nodded handing Mary over a clipboard

”Yep. The boys upstairs think maybe we’re looking at a spree killer.”

“If they were DOA, you have an ETA on TOD? Any sample DFA?” Bobby questioned, Sam quickly clears his throat, “DNA.”

The woman glanced at him and shook her head. “Uh, frankly we don’t even know the precise cause of death. I mean, there were the neck wounds of course, but there was also considerable internal trauma, so-” her phone goes off “Excuse me.” She gives a smile walking out.

“Yeah. Sure,” Dean nods and looking over at Bobby “DFA.” he smirked

“I’ve been fighting a friggin’ apocalypse for 15 years, my, FBI might be a little rusty.” Bobby countered.

Mary grabbed gloves “Let’s give them a quick once-over, see what they missed.” The brothers and Bobby pulled on gloves as well each going over to a body studying it.

“Angel kills for sure, and not grunts,” Bobby look at the distinctive burned eyes, “We’re talking 5-star smitings.”

“Knife slits in the throat, but it doesn’t appear they bled out.” Dean pointed out leaning the head back pointing to the scar.

“He kept these people alive for a while.” Mary said looking at the others Sam opens the mouth of one of the corpses

“Maybe these people aren’t people. Looking at a vamp.” He presses against the gums fangs popping out.

“Same here.” Bobby said, “Me too.” Mary added.

“Why milk ‘em if he’s just gonna smite ‘em?” Bobby questioned. Dean glance at Sam “And why is an archangel hunting vampires in the first place?”

Sam went over to the Coroner’s office and knocked on the doorframe “Sorry. Excuse me. Um, did anyone come to claim or identify these bodies?”

The women nodded “Oh, yeah. A young lady. Said she heard about the killings on the morning news, thought she might know one of the victims.”

Dean leaned forward “And?”

She shook her head “She didn’t. Then she disappeared, never even gave us her last name.” Sam glances outside to the parking lot

“Huh. Do you happen to have surveillance cameras outside?”

Back at the bunker, Jack is seated at the table in the main hall reading when Cas enters. “Looks like about...two centuries of biblical lore. Light reading.”

Jack looked up at the angel ”I’m researching how long it takes archangel grace to replenish.”

Cas sits next to Jack “Well, archangels being exceedingly rare, the data on that is woefully scant.” Jack points at a section “The books say it can take from a month to-”

“A century,” Cas cuts him off, “Yeah. Complicating factor being your human component, which slows the process,” He pauses, “Jack, um...mourning what you’ve lost...it’s wasteful. Might be smarter to focus on what you still have.”

“You don’t understand what I’m going through.” Jack frowned feeling dejected.

Cas placed his hand on Jack’s shoulder “Yes, I do - a little. At the time of the Great Fall, when angels were banished from heaven, I lost what I thought was everything. I had no grace, I had no wings. I felt hopeless and useless.”

Jack looked up at the man he sees as a father-figure “What did you have left?”

“Well, uh...well, I had Sam, Dean, and Y/n. But I had something else that was extremely helpful. I had myself. Just the basic me, as, uh...as Dean would say, without all the bells and whistles. You know, Sam and Dean, they weren’t born with their expertise. They’ve been at it since they were children. Failing, winning, developing over the years. And Dean had no idea how to raise a kid and Y/n is one of the smartest, bravest, human I have ever met. Patience, persistence - those are skills too. The past, where you come from, that’s important, but it is not as important as the future and where you’re going.” Cas explained thinking of all the times the brothers and he has gone through hell and back and helping Dean raising a child was one of the greatest accomplishments in his time on earth.

In a hotel, Michael looks at himself in the mirror smoothing out the wrinkles in the suit fixing the buttons. His reflection in the mirror changes from Michael to the Winchester daughter

“Get...Out.” She breathed out angrily.

“I don’t think so.” Michael smiles staring back at the girl in the mirror

“You can’t.” She cried

The archangel grins “Oh, but I can. Because see,” Michael punches the mirror, and Y/n is gone he smirks smoothing out his vessel’s hair,

“I own you. So hang on, and enjoy the ride.”

In a cheap apartment in Duluth, a young woman lies in her bed but is interrupted by pounding on the door.

“Yes?” She calls out.

“Lydia Crawford, this is the FBI. Open up.” Sam call out Lydia looks terrified and tries running for the window while Sam keeps pounding on the door

“Open up!” Sam yells again. Dean breaks down the door and rushes in gun drawn with Sam right behind him, with Mary and Bobby following.

“Hey! Stop!” Dean yelled.

“Get away from me!” She cries trying to put as much distance between her and the Winchesters.

“Don’t move. We know who you are. We know you went to the morgue.” Sam threatened his gun pointed at her.

“We saw your license plate on the security cams and pulled your address. You should’ve ditched the car when you first got turned. Made this way too easy.” Bobby commented Lydia look at the four of them

”You’re not FBI. You’re hunters.”

“That’s right.” Dean nodded and begins to pull out a knife

”I haven’t done anything wrong!” Lydia exclaimed.

“No, vampires never do.” Bobby replied sarcastically

“My nest, we - we fed on animal blood,” Sam paused and lowering his gun and Dean lowered the knife, “We lived quiet lives, until...until she came.” Lydia explained still shaken from the incident.

“She? She who?” Sam asked

Lydia shook her head “I don’t know her name, but...she was strong. She tied all of us up and one by one she’d take blood from us. I couldn’t see what she was doing, exactly, but every time there would be this explosion, and my friends would be dead. When she was coming for me, a couple of the others tried to att- tried to attack her. I was able to get away, but...they didn’t make it.” She started tearing up at the memory.

“Why was she killing you? Did she say?” Sam questioned

“I don’t think she meant to. It-it’s just that...things seemed to go wrong. She wasn’t killing, it was like...it was like she was experimenting.” Lydia said

“Experimenting? What for?” Dean asked Lydia frowned

“That’s - that’s all I know.”

“Okay,” Bobby nods grabbing his own blade, and advances to Lydia, “Nice chattin’ with ya.”

Lydia presses herself further into the wall holding her hands up ”Wait! Wait! I-I don’t know what she wanted, I-I don’t know who she was, but I do know where she is. If - if you let me go.” Dean and Sam look at each other having a silent conversation.

The door opens in and in walks Michael and a woman.

“Thank you. Oooh, Very elegant. But then, so are you. I didn’t expect you to be interested in this side of the spectrum.” She giggles

Michael chuckled leading her into the room “Yeah… Thanks for showing me around,” He uncorks some wine and pours them both a glass, “I didn’t realize there was so much going on in...where are we again?”

“Duluth.” She answered taking a sip of her wine.

Michael nodded “Of course. Nothing like where I’m from.”

The woman hummed “What’s it like in your hometown?”

“Hmm. Empty. Windswept. Dead bodies lying around.” Michael shrugged taking a sip of his drink.

She chuckled “You’re so funny. What a nice surprise, meeting you. I bet you were wondering what I was doing, all by myself in that bar tonight.”

Michael smirked “I’m pretty sure I know exactly what you were doing in that bar tonight.”

The woman smiled setting her glass down “Oh, Michael. I am so not that girl.” she walked closer to Michael

“But you really are, aren’t you?” The woman wrapped her arms arounds around her neck

“You’re terrible.” She sighed. His vessel smiled showing off a dazzling smile

“You have no idea.” The woman giggled moving her face closer to the young Winchester and her eyes flash green and her teeth come out ready to bite what should have been an unsuspected victim. Michael grabs her by the throat as his vessel’s eyes glow blue.

“Did you honestly think I didn’t know what you are?” Michael lifts her off the floor choking her as she trashes in his arms, “You think you picked me? I picked you.” Michael throws her across the room and turns over to take a sip of wine and turns back to her still on the floor.

“Now, summon your master.”

Still in Michael’s room he hands a glass to a man seated next to the woman from earlier.

“You first.” The man points to his glass.

“One hundred-year-old cognac. Strong notes of vanilla and apricot,” He takes a sip, “and zero notes of silver.” The man also drinks “I appreciate you accepting my invitation.” Michael crosses one of his knees over the other.

“Yes, well, the ever-tactful Melanie,” he nods over to the woman, “thought a refusal might be unwise. She thinks you’re a god.”

Both of them chuckle “An archangel with a decent vessel. But close.”

The man nods “And I’m the leader of a werewolf pack. Why on earth would an archangel care about us? About me?”

Michael smiles swirling his drink “I admire you. Eating on the run, surviving, despite being stalked by those venal humans, who think of you as nothing but vermin.”

The man leaned forward “My pack has survived and prospered for centuries, despite the humans.”

“Yes, well, I’m new to town, and from my perspective, the real monsters of this world, the ones that cheat, cover, lay waste to this planet, are the humans. Who made them top dog? Pardon the pun.” Michael explained taking a drink of the cognac.

“God, I suppose.” He questioned

“God who? Between us, Phillipe, God’s on permanent vacation. Gone fishing. Demons and angels don’t seem to be much of a factor here, so, I’m in charge.” Michael smiled leaning back in the couch

“And what do you want from me?” The man we know as Phillipe asks.

“You and your kind, you are who you are. You kill, but not for sport, for trophies - to live. There’s a purity in that. Isn’t it time you had your due?” Michael explained waving his hand towards Phillipe.

Phillipe frowned confused “Our due?”

“There are ways to enhance your - let’s call them ‘talents’.” Michael points out.

“And these ways are..” Phillipe waves his hand hoping he would explain.

“Fully tested. There were some misfires early, I will admit to that. But I have cracked the code.” Michael explains clapping his hands together.

“And now what? Do you propose we wage a way on the humans, keeping only as many of them alive as we need for slave labor and a steady food supply?” Phillipe laughs “Because I love that world, but believe me, it’s an absurd dream.”

Michael smirks “Is it? Why be the hunt-'ed’, when you can be the hunt-'er’, hmm?” He smiles watching his plan slowly come together.

After Sam and the others had left with the information on Michael, Lydia rushed around her apartment frantically packing her stuff to leave. The sound of someone appearing and as she turns to grab another handful Michael is sitting at her table.

“Lydia..” Michael singsong. She freezes the items in her hands falling.

“I didn’t!” Lydia defended

“Of course you did.” He laughed at her attempt to lie. “The hunters,” Michael stands up, “Why do you think I dumped your brothers and sisters in plain sight? Why do you think I let you escape?” He points at her watching her face fall.

“You let me escape?” She whimpered

“Rule number one: you can’t have a trap without bait,” He smirks walking past her, “That brings us to rule number two, which says once the trap has been sprung, you don’t need the bait anymore.” Michael’s eyes glow blue and Lydia scream as she is burned out. Her body hits the ground and Michael turns looking at it before leaving.

Back in the bunker Jack turns the corners of one of the halls with Cas following him

“Jack, what were you thinking. Taking that kind of risk?” Cas scolded him

“It wasn’t a risk.” Jack disagreed

“To-to go out there alone?” Cas sputtered “Jack, you have been on the radar of every angel and demon and power broker in creation since the day you were born and I’m sorry, but you’re not exactly yourself.” Cas followed Jack as they entered the war room and Jack turned around

“Weak and defenseless, you mean.” He stated

“I mean that the possibility of capture is real, yes.” Cas explained

“I heard what you were saying, Cas, about me finding out where I came from. I never knew my mother. I thought the next best thing might be for me to meet the only real family that I have left.” Jack confessed

“That is not-” Cas visibly reins in his frustration, “Well, did it help?” Cas sighed and Jack nodded “And you didn’t tell them who you were, did you?” Cas questioned

“Of course not.” Jack deadpanned “I...wanted to. I wanted to tell them I was their grandson. They thought I actually kinda looked like her?” Cas nods in agreement Jack smiles but it fades as he sits against the steps to the library, “I...couldn’t tell them that she died. They just love her so much. I know I should have.”

”What you did you did from a place of kindness. I suppose there are worse ways to be human than to be kind.” Cas reassured the Nephilim sitting across from him

“Have you heard from Sam and Dean? Did they find Michael?” Jack asked

“Yeah, they think so.” He nodded

“So they’re going to try to kill him?” Jack stated Cas shook his head

“Uh, no. No, the plan is to subdue him using angel cuffs and spellwork. They have to get Michael out of Y/n.”

“And if he doesn’t leave?” Jack noted

“Then they’ll try to drive him out.” Cas responded.

“And if that doesn’t work?” Jack said getting upset

“Jack-” Cas started

“Cas, Michael has to be stopped.” Jack cuts him off

“I know, and he will be - after Y/n is-” Cas tries to reason with him

“No, Y/n doesn’t matter” shot Jack, “You’re all so focused on trying to save Y/n and I get it, I understand, but - if she can’t be saved, if it comes down to her or Michael - Michael has to be stopped. Caged, or killed-”

“And if that means that Y/n dies too?” Cas shouts

“Then Y/n dies.” Jack snaps, “I know this Michael. I’ve seen what he’s done to an entire world, and so have you. If stopping that from happening here means that Y/n has to die, then…” Jack and Cas both start at each other, “Do you think she’d want it any other way?” Jack stands up and walks away leaving Cas there with a choice.

Back in Duluth Sam, Dean, Mary, and Bobby enter the abandoned church Lydia told them.

“You think vamp-girl was lyin’ about Michael hanging out here?” Bobby asked looking around the place.

“Not sure why she would. I mean she has every reason to want him dead.” Dean states aiming his flashlight over in some dark corners

“She wasn’t lying about the slaughter happening here,” Mary called out her flashlight pointing to a stain on the floor, “whole lot of dried blood on the floor.”

Sam walked further into the church “Why was he killing them? And what does she mean by ‘experimenting’?” He questioned.

Bobby shrugged “Don’t look like he’s here.” The stained glass windows shatter sending glass flying as werewolves break through them. “Werewolves!” Bobby yells and is then tackled by one.

Sam fires his gun at one coming towards Dean and it has no effect. “Silver bullets aren’t working! Nothing’s working!” He yells.

Dean punches one of the werewolves “Son of a bitch!” Dean yells and is tackled by another and smashed into a bean. Mary is struggling against another as they both fall to the ground. A werewolves tries to go for Sam but he grabs his machete and decapitates one

“Well, that works.” Bobby yells and is punched by a werewolf. Dean pushes the one of him grabbing his machete and chops one of the heads off, Mary stabs the werewolf with one of her knifes but it has no effect and is shoved to the ground. Mary grab the small hatchet and began to chop at the werewolf before is falls to the ground. Bobby is pushed to the ground and before he is attacked Mary throws the hatchet into the werewolf’s back and Bobby decapitates it. Mary hears growling and turns and sees another werewolf but Dean decapitates it just as Sam kills the last one.

“Is everybody okay? Anyone get bit?” Sam pants out

“No.” Mary replies.

“I’m okay.” Bobby answers all of them grouping up again

“What the hell kind of werewolves were those?” Dean asked wiping the blood of his blade.

“Silver didn’t touch them.” Mary added Sam sighed all of them out of breath from these new monsters. A loud bang causes everyone to look towards the door as it opens revealing Michael, backlit in red light.

“Oh god.” Mary breathes out He slowly walks towards them raising his hand. Which she uses to grab a post and staggers into the light breathing heavily removing her cap as she does.

“Dad. It’s me.” You breathe out your voice shaking. Dean stares back at you tearing up. Dean rushes towards you as you knees give out and helps you sit down. Sam is sitting next to you with Dean in front of you.

“Y/n is it really you?” Dean asked looking over you

“Yeah, it’s really me.” You answer your hands are shaking trying to understand what was going on.

“Are-are you okay?” Sam questioned

“No, I’m not okay!” You yelled putting your face in your hands. Dean placed his hand on your knee making you look up at him.

“But you got Michael to leave.” Dean tried to reassure you that everything was ok.

But you shook your head. “No, I-I don’t...I didn’t.” You stated.

“What?” Bobby questioned looking at the younger Winchester.

You look at your dad in fear, “He just - he just left.”

Dean squeezed your hands “Why?”

“I don’t know…” You shuddered, “I don’t know.”

#dean winchester #dean x daughter!reader #michael!reader #x daughter!reader #Sam x niece!reader #castiel x reader platonic #jack x reader platonic #SPN #supernatural #daughter!reader masterlist spn #I'm Sorry Masterlist

77 notes · View notes

aomineavenue · 4 years ago

Photo

You felt awful, to say the least, you wanted so much to celebrate with your team and show how supportive you were, but all you could plaster on was a small fake little smile as you flicker your gaze over to the other side of the court. The sight was almost heartbreaking.

You never really liked attending such events, if you were going, to be honest. You owned such a soft little heart, always sympathizing the fallen team, whether they were the rival or not. It happens to any sports event, actually. Not just volleyball. You were surrounded by hardworking athletes your whole life, always striving their best to achieve the top, and it crushed your heart to see someone’s hard work crashing down. It’s was your top reason to avoid attending sports events.

You couldn’t blame Ennoshita for persuading you. Actually, you would have said yes to anyone, except for Aiko, because let’s be honest, you, in a cheerleader outfit? The thought seemed ridiculous, you barely had an ounce of rhythm in your body.

Your gaze lands on a familiar tall freshman, and your eyes filled nothing but worry. You wanted to reach out, you knew how he had worked hard for the past couple of weeks since you barely saw him and how he had trouble cooperating with anyone else but was it really okay for you to do so, so soon?

“You should go talk to him,” Ennoshita’s voice cuts your trance, and you couldn’t help but feel startled. Spinning around, your eyes widen slightly at the sight of the team before you, offering you an encouraging smile. Of course, as soon as he appeared, you didn’t keep it to yourself about knowing his identity. Plus, it wasn’t as if you knew how he trained or how much he had improved since you last saw him play, so it wasn’t really much help. All you could offer to them was that he was easily rattled and commented that if Tanaka wanted to do so, he could easily get on the player’s nerves.

Of course, though. Tanaka did just that earlier in the game.

“I’m not sure…” you trail off, a frown etching on your lips but before you could protest any further, you were being dragged by the wrists across the court by none other than Tanaka and Nishinoya.

“Just talk to him, silly.” Noya teases with a playful smile, “Your cousin actually looks like he wants to talk to you, too.”

“I—what?” you splutter, your eyes meeting Kentarō’s who looks like his usual terrifying-self. Before you could berate the two who had dragged you, they had fled in fear of the freshmen that stood before you. A sigh escapes your lips, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he sighs, nodding his head solemnly, “As okay as I’ll ever be.”

“Tch,” you start, extending your index finger towards his direction as if you were lecturing your tall cousin, “If you would have dropped your stubborn little attitude, you may have actually did a better job, you know.”

He rolls his eyes at you, “Ah, so you were rooting for me despite being the rival, aye? Which reminds me, what are you doing being a manager? I thought you hated attending events like these, and now you’re more than just the audience, you’re a manager?”

“None of your business,” you retort, crossing your arms across your chest. “Of course I would be rooting for you, I know how hard you’ve been working but that doesn’t mean I would want your team to win over ours.”

His lips curl up to a grin as he brings a hand up to lightly tap your nose, “It’s probably because of a boy, isn’t it? Who’s the unlucky fellow? No, more like, who has bewitched my cousin that got her to do this job? Let me guess, it’s that Ennoshita guy you’ve been going on and on and—”

You cut him off with a punch to the shoulder, scowling playfully at him before a laugh escapes both of your lips. You hadn’t exactly brought up the fact that you became a manager for a volleyball team, but he did know of your former relationship with Ennoshita, so it wasn’t anything to be embarrassed about. This was just how the two of you interacted, and of course, your mere presence had made him slightly better. He knew he could always count on you. The sight of you earlier was a shock for him and vice versa. He didn’t expect you to attend, much less as a manager, and he hadn’t really mentioned joining the team, so of course, you were just as surprised.

Stepping forward, you wrap an arm around his hip for a side hug and leaned your head on his shoulder (or rather arm, because let’s be honest, he’s rather tall) “Hey, I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah, I know—”

“What’s the meaning of this?”

Both attentions flicker to the intruder of the conversation you were both having, your brow arching in curiosity at the sight of Aobajohsai’s Captain, the one you’ve come to know as Oikawa earlier today before the game started, “Sorry?”

Despite your voice, he completely ignores you, which, of course, baffles you as he always seemed to want to capture your attention, but you shrug it off, thinking that maybe the lost had obviously made his rather annoying, yet charming, personality disappear.

“Hey…” you trail off, a small frown evident on your lips as you extract yourself from Kentarō’s side, “That was a great—”

“Mad dog,” he interrupts you, avoiding your gaze at all times, “Let’s go, we’re heading back.” He flickers his gaze over your shoulders and you could visibly see his shoulders tense before spinning around to face the exit, “We don’t associate ourselves with the enemy.”

You blink a couple of times, trying to process what had just happened. As Kentarō bids farewell after mumbling an apology for his Captain’s rude behaviour, you turn around to face your group of friends. Tilting your head slightly, your brows furrow in confusion. Did Oikawa see them approaching? Probably.

Needless to say, for the remainder of the day, you were confused as hell.

Break My Heart | smau!; love and lose.

Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x Reader

Summary: Everyone, well almost everyone, here knows how much of a flirt Aobajohsai High’s Volleyball Captain is, right? He’s got the skills, and most definitely, his looks, and he knows it. Never settling down, so what happens when he meets his match?

Status: ongoing | series masterlist

↩ first goodbye | love and lose | i’m indecisive ↪

funfacts!:

↳ Y/N and Kentarou Kyoutani, they are cousins always joint to the hip despite Y/N being a year older. Their fathers are brothers and they always were present in each other’s lives. They live in the same neighbourhood and went to the same schools until they reached High School. Kentarou actually considered attending Karasuno as well but decided against it because he took the Volleyball teams into consideration.

↳ Y/N always supported Kentarou in anything he did. That’s why he’s pretty much protective of his older cousin, not that people thought of that. His relatives and close family friends always mentioned that he looked older than Y/N, and it wasn’t just because of the height difference.

↳ When the team asked how Y/N knew him, she simply said, “He’s my cousin.” and they almost had a heart attack. Of course, they tried to get more information from their manager in hopes to find a weakness.

↳ When Aobajohsai got into the bus for their ride back home, needless to say, all Oikawa did was hide from Kentarou because apparently, “Nobody talks about my cousin that way.”

↳ For the rest of the bus ride, Kentarou glared at Oikawa and all the Captain could do was cower while his friends teased him to lighten everyone’s mood.

#oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa tooru smau #oikawa tooru imagine #haikyuu smau #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #hq #hq smau #hq x reader #break my heart

84 notes · View notes

thecatprince · 4 years ago

Text

Newspaper Clippings

Read on AO3

This is a one-shot inspired by @manyfandomsonelog‘s fantastic fic What You Can Stand (go check it out). All of the characters, the universe, and events prior to this one-shot are all by her.

I just wanted Roman and Virgil to be happy and soft and married, so here they are (with a smidge of angst). I hope you like it Log!!

Relationships: Prinxiety

Summary: 10 years after the events of What You Can Stand, Virgil and Roman are happily married and reflect on their pasts.

Reblogs > Likes

-----

Virgil sat on the floor, looking through a box he hadn’t opened in a while. The contents of the box weren’t really that special, just old newspaper clippings, some whole pages with bolded headlines and photos, others just a couple of lines, some cut carefully from the paper, others ripped hastily. Each of these clipping detailed another heroic save from the amazing Mr Spectacular, or the next attack from the villainous Nightmare. Some of the pictures showed a dashing Roman, muscular and strong, his face incredibly boyish. In all of his pictures he was posing victoriously, hands on hips, staring into the distance, the classic hero pose (and a pose that did an excellent job of highlighting his jawline in Virgil’s opinion). Other photos were of a sullen Nightmare, pale and brooding, blending into the shadows. His face was mostly hidden by a mask and Nightmare was not known for being a good subject to photograph, but occasionally there was a photo that managed to capture his eyes, and Virgil almost cringed at the fear and anger he could see in them.

“Virgil?” a voice behind him said, soft and gentle and calming. Virgil looked up and met the eyes of his husband, who smiled and sat next to Virgil on the floor.

“Oh wow, it has been a while since I have seen these!” Roman exclaimed. Virgil gave a huff of laughter and moved to snuggle up to him, curling his legs against Roman’s and resting his head on his shoulder. Roman smiled fondly at Virgil’s affection and put his arm around his husband, pulling him in closer.

“Gosh, I remember this,” Roman said, picking up a clipping with the headline ‘Spectacular boy once again saves the day’ and a photo of Roman next to a little girl who looked no older than 4. “She was stuck in a burning building, the only one there and I got her out. She was really sweet, called me “Mr Speccy-lar”. I hope she is doing alright.”

Virgil picked up a clipping off the top of the pile. The headline read ‘Local Villain causes destruction to Spectacular home’. “I only toilet papered the house, that headline is a bit dramatic.” Roman gave a hum of agreement, his focus taken up by another clipping, this one reading ‘Spectacular Hero once again defeats vile Villain’. The photo on the clipping showed Roman flying over Virgil, who was on the ground. Roman in the photo looked triumphant, while Virgil looked angry and defeated.

“One of our first real fights,” Roman murmured. “We were so young.” Roman’s voice sounded rather gentle and forlorn. Virgil sighed, and shifted away from Roman slightly, picking up another clipping. This one had no headline or article, just a photo of Virgil, one of the only good ones. His eyes were visible in this one, and Virgil could almost feel the fear, anger and even apathy that emanated from them. Roman noticed how he reacted and turned his focus onto him, watching Virgil carefully as he stared at the clipping, an almost indecipherable expression on his face.

“I was a bad person. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I hurt so many people.” Virgil whispered, almost to himself. Roman placed his hand on Virgil’s shoulder, drawing his attention back to him.

“Virgil, you were lost and scared and alone. Your actions and motivations, while inexcusable, were understandable. I hurt you so much beforehand, and you had no support system. People only improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don’t?”

Virgil opened his mouth to counter back, but Roman cut him off before he could say anything. “And you have improved so much, because you got the support of Logan and Patton, and eventually me. I know you aren’t proud of your past, I’m not proud of mine either, but Nightmare was a scared, lost, lonely little boy who had had a bad life and no support, and the Virgil I know today is a strong, loved, kind, considerate, amazing, supported man with a family who loves him and a very handsome husband.” Virgil gave a small smile at the last statement. “My point is, you made some serious mistakes, but you have grown and learnt so much, and that is what you should focus on. You are a different person now, and while that doesn’t erase your past, you shouldn’t focus on it.”

Virgil smiled gently at Roman and moved over to hug him. Roman gladly accepted the hug, pulling Virgil into his lap and holding him close. “Thank you,” Virgil murmured into Roman’s neck. Roman didn’t respond, just squeezed his husband tighter. They stayed like that for a little while, just holding onto each other, surrounded by clippings headlining some of their biggest achievements and greatest mistakes. Eventually Virgil lifted his head from Roman’s neck and rested their foreheads together.

“I love you,” Virgil said, staring lovingly into Roman’s eyes. Roman moved his hand to cup Virgil’s face, his thumb rubbing gently across his cheek.

“I love you too,” he responded. The two of them lent in for a kiss, gentle and sweet, as were many of their kisses. Roman threaded his fingers through Virgil’s hair, and Virgil rested one of his hands on the base of Roman’s and the other on his waist. Their lips worked together like they were made for each other, gently pressing against each other. Virgil couldn’t get over how amazing it felt to kiss Roman, even though he had done it a million times before. The two of them broke apart after a couple of minutes, slightly out of breath.

“I would love to kiss you for the rest of the night, but we do have a family dinner to get to in about half an hour and you know how Logan hates it when we are late.”

Roman gave Virgil a quick peck on the lips before the two of them cleaned up the newspaper clippings and put them back into the box. ‘Family dinner’ was a thing Roman never thought he would ever hear without freezing up and freaking out, but now it was a weekly thing that Roman actively looked forward to. It was always enjoyable sitting next to his wonderful husband, hands linked together underneath the table, opposite Logan and Patton, talking and laughing over a delicious meal. It was a safe and secure and loving environment, and Roman never thought he would ever get over the fact that he was happy while being with people he considered family. He loved Logan and Patton and everything they had ever done for him, and he knew that nothing he ever did would properly repay them for how much they had helped him and Virgil. Roman had made some mistakes in the past too, and the fact that he was happy and safe and comfortable with his new family was something Roman never would forget or take for granted.

He watched as his husband put the box back into the bottom of the wardrobe wear it was kept. How he had managed to be with a man as incredible as Virgil was something he would never understand, but he was incredibly fortunate to have him, and Logan and Patton, in his life. Things were terrible in the past, but they were good now and that was all that mattered.

----

I hoped you liked the fic Log and that I didn’t butcher any details! I have no idea what you have planned for the ending of the fic, but this is what I imagine!! (I also just really wanted them to be happy and married after all they have been through so far).

#cat writes #is this because log was sad? maybe #but also because I love her fic!#prinxiety #what you can stand #virgil sanders #roman my beloved #anyway I hope you like this Log!

55 notes · View notes

strawberriestyles · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 10

(Banner made by sweet sunshine @harry-nofookingway-styles)

Harry X OFC (AU)

Sequel to Brutality: In which Melody and Harry must relearn how to navigate one another among a flurry of changes.

Read previous parts here.

Author’s note: Hope y’all are doing well, taking care of yourselves, and continuing to fight the good fight. Here is a post containing links to petitions and donations regarding Yemen. Help out where you can. I love y’all so much. Xx

Harry made sure that Melody slept soundly the next few nights, but she moved as though she were still tired, haunted. He wondered if this was how she’d passed the months without him.

The bruise on her jaw yellowed quickly, but the split in her cheek took longer to begin knitting itself back together. She cleaned it twice a day and Harry dabbed ointment on it before bed. She no longer winced when he came into contact with the swollen skin at its edges.

Melody was staring out her bedroom window on Wednesday morning as she chewed toast, sitting wrapped back up in the sheets. Harry watched her eyes unfocus while he picked at one of Bea’s raspberry muffins—they weren’t half bad.

“Mel, yeh sure yeh’re all right?”

She glanced at him and took another bite of her food before she nodded.

“Yeah, I’m just trying to figure out if Vanessa has the morning shift today.”

“Why don’ yeh just ask her?”

“Right.” She reached for her phone and nearly flipped the plate holding the rest of her toast. Harry shook his head.

“Are yeh tired? Did yeh get enough sleep?”

“I slept fine.”

“Then wha’s wrong?”

Melody’s thumbs danced across her phone screen and she threw the device across the bed before shrugging. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Mel.” Harry placed the last few bites of his muffin on her plate and ran a hand down her spine. “C’mon now.” He watched as she began peeling apart the wedges of an orange and saw her fingers shake.

“I—” Melody cut herself off and bit into a piece of fruit, biding her time. She tugged restlessly at the edges of orange peel when she’d finished chewing. “I keep having these nightmares. And Colton’s in them.”

“I know, love.” Harry leaned in and pressed a kiss to her clothed shoulder. “What happened would give anyone nightmares. We’re okay, though. And—”

“No, it’s not just memories it’s—“ She drew in a long breath to prepare herself. She never talked about her nightmares. Not even with Bea, who had been the one to comfort her when Harry wasn’t here. But if anyone deserved an explanation, it was Harry. “There are two different dreams. The one I’ve been having ever since— Um, for months. It’s partly a memory. I’ve got your head in my lap and you’re bleeding, but I can’t move my hands, and I can’t scream, and the blood just keeps coming—“

“Melody,” Harry interrupted. Her voice was growing thicker, her words slurring together. He felt like there were pieces of him splintering in his chest the longer he listened, the more hysterical she became. “Stop it. Yeh’re freakin’ yourself out.”

She’d never talked to him about the day he was shot. He hadn’t known she’d been so close, had held him, thinking that he was dead or dying. His entire body ached when he thought about holding her like that, feeling helpless, void of hope. His eyes stung, and he hadn’t cried in years. He forced himself to blink away the pain.

“No, I need to tell you,” Melody insisted, choking on a sob. She didn’t pause before trundling on, afraid that she’d begin crying too hard to speak. "You keep bleeding and there’s so much that it starts to flood the room. I feel like I’m going to drown in it. And I still can’t move my hands, and I can’t get up, but somehow I can turn my head and the closet door is cracked open and Colton’s just standing there. Just watching.”

“He was still there?”

“No, not really. Just in the dream. He was gone by the time I found you.”

The space between them grew quiet. Melody’s lips were trembling, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

“The other one just started. In that dream, I wake up in the middle of the night and you’re fine. You’re right here and you’re sleeping, but I look up and he’s just standing there again. He’s here. And then I can’t move again. I’m stuck. I just have to lay there until I wake up."

Melody sounded winded, but relieved to have spilled her nightmares. Harry watched her gasp in a steadying breath, swiping the back of her hand over her wet cheeks, and then lift another orange slice to her mouth. He could feel the muscles in her lower back twitching, as if she were winding up for a fight, or remembering the adrenaline that accompanied a good hit.

“He wouldn’ come here, love.”

“How do you know that?”

“Doubt he’s been within a hundred miles of us since April,” Harry assured her, “and he wouldn’ come back here just to find me. Or to find you. He doesn’ wanna go to prison, Mel, no matter how fucked up he is, and the cops have been looking for him for months. Yeh’re safe, okay? We’re both safe.”

Melody swallowed down her orange and the lump that had risen in her throat. She turned her head away from Harry so that he wouldn’t see the tears continuing to fill her eyes. She’d had enough vulnerability to last a lifetime just within the past few weeks.

“Nothin’s gonna happen to either of us,” Harry whispered, feathering kisses over the bared skin of her neck while he waited for her to respond. When she didn’t, he sighed against her hair. “Yeh haven’ been sleepin’? I didn’ think yeh were wakin’ up.”

“I have been sleeping,” Melody assured him, swiping viciously at a fallen tear before she turned to look out the window and let Harry see her face again. “I just feel like my sleep is more exhausting than actually being awake.”

“Maybe we should start druggin’ yeh.”

“Ha ha.”

Harry shifted until he had a clear view of her face, of her puffy eyes and gnawed lip. He tilted his head until he could touch his cheek to his shoulder. “‘M serious. Helped me sleep when I was younger. Could get rid o’ your dreams completely.”

Melody’s frown deepened. She shook her head and scooped up her plate, crawling over Harry’s outstretched legs. “No, I’m fine.”

“Mel, yeh’re tired.”

“I’m fine.”

He watched her shuffle out of the room and scratched at the prickly scruff that was beginning to shadow his jaw. He heard dishes clinking in the kitchen and cupboards being rifled through. Then there was a considerable silence before Melody reentered the room. She avoided his eyes as she chose clothes for the day.

“Hey.”

Melody paused and picked at her lower lip.

“Please, come here,” Harry murmured.

She stepped gingerly across the room until she stood beside the bed, and she looked reminiscent of a child about to be scolded. Harry’s fingers drew her closer by her thighs.

“Love, ‘s ridiculous for yeh to be embarrassed by somethin’ like a nightmare. Yeh think I’ve never had a fuckin’ nightmare?”

“I’m not embarrassed, Harry.”

“Then yeh would’ve told me already.”

She held her breath, formulating words that she didn’t make coherent enough to speak. Harry tugged her down to sit on the edge of the mattress. He thumbed the teeth marks in the corner of her lip and watched her eyes flutter closed.

“When,” he whispered, “did yeh start thinkin’ yeh couldn’ talk to me? Love it when yeh talk to me.” He felt Melody’s shaking fingertips graze his wrist as he kissed her. She drew in a staggered breath when he gave her another quick peck.

“Sorry.”

“Wish yeh were meaner.”

Melody laughed as she opened her eyes. Harry tugged on a lock of her hair and ran his tongue across his lips.

“All right, get dressed. ‘M not waitin’ around all day. Wheel myself all the way to the hospital if I have to.”

Melody sank her thumb into the space Harry’s dimple usually occupied. She leaned forward once more to plant a kiss of her own on his lips, to sigh against his chin.

“I love you,” she whispered. Then she set her feet back on the floor and went to get dressed.

***

“Is this a joke?” Aiden’s brow was furrowed, his hands frozen, outstretched. He was silent for a moment and then he let his arms fall back to his sides. “It’s gotta be a joke.”

“What?” Melody asked.

“What do you mean, what?” Aiden motioned incredulously toward Harry and then crossed his arms. “That.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Melody,” Aiden began, “I have never seen someone improve at this rate. This is how they make it look in movies. It’s not how it actually happens. Not in real life. Coma patients don’t just wake up after months and start walking this fast.”

“Yeah, well, he is an athlete.”

“And hard-headed.”

“Rock hard head, yes.”

Harry shuffled the last couple of steps to the end of the short track and then leaned his bodyweight into one of the sidebars. His nostrils flared with every breath, but his skin seemed to glow, sing. He was proud and Melody could tell. It radiated off of him like steam off of asphalt.

Aiden stepped forward to help Harry sit, but all he did was spin around and start walking back the way he had come. Melody watched his steps, so much more natural than they had been even a month ago. His toes no longer dragged across the floor, his knees bent at more extreme angles, his ankles rarely ever twisted. When he reached the beginning of the walkway, he paused for breath.

“Think you’re about ready for a cane, my man,” Aiden rewarded, stepping in front of him in case he was ready for a break.

“‘M not your man,” Harry corrected, “and yeh can keep your canes far away from me, yeh freak.”

Aiden snorted. Melody had never heard him make that noise before.

“Seriously, Aiden,” Harry continued. “‘M not walkin’ around with a cane. Who am I, Lucius Malfoy?”

Melody’s lips parted at his reference. “Harry Potter?”

“Yeah, yeh made me watch a few of ‘em.” Harry glanced at Melody and then looked quickly away. She seemed stunned. “Tha’s the one, right? Asshole with the elf?”

“Yeah.” Melody’s astonishment was cut short when she felt a sharp poke to her side. “Ow!”

“Oh, don’t be such a wimp. I thought you had to be tough for boxing.”

“Yeah, for boxing,” Melody snapped back, spinning on her heel to face Vanessa. “Not for nurses who can’t keep their hands to themselves.”

“Boohoo.”

The pair grinned peevishly at one another and then Vanessa lifted a finger to examine Melody’s cheek and her smile melted away. “Ouch,” she hissed. “I’d be surprised if that didn’t scar.”

“Don’t tell me that,” Melody bit back. “Tell me I’m pretty.”

“You are pretty. Especially with those designer bags under your eyes. What is going on?”

Melody glanced behind her to be sure Harry wasn’t eavesdropping. He was struggling to hold himself upright while Aiden stretched and rolled his ankles one at a time, and he didn’t seem aware that Vanessa was even in the room. Melody took a deep breath.

“It’s nightmares,” she blurted, spinning back around. “Horrible nightmares. And I wake up and it’s like I’m more tired than when I fell asleep. I’m an absolute mess.”

Vanessa’s lips screwed up into a grimace of pity. Her eyes softened. She glanced over Melody’s shoulder. “He doesn’t know?”

“No, he does. It’s just—he doesn’t know how bad. It’s almost every single time I close my eyes.”

“What brought these on?”

Melody had been trying to discern the answer to that question herself. And she still didn’t know. It wasn’t Harry—she’d slept like a rock for weeks after he’d left the hospital. And she couldn’t remember anything that might have triggered this. But she wanted it to stop.

“I don’t know.”

“Have you tried melatonin?”

Melody let out a quick lungful of air. Vanessa sounded just like Harry.

“No, and I’m not going to.”

“Okay, fair enough.”

Behind her, Melody could hear Harry’s weight settling into his wheelchair, could hear him rolling across the room to work on different exercises. She rubbed at the puffy, raw skin around her eyes.

“What about your art?” Vanessa asked after a brief lull. “Or writing?”

“What about it?”

“Well, do you think getting your nightmares out on paper would help?”

It was a good thought. But Melody hadn’t picked up a paintbrush or a pen in months. She’d barely even cracked open a book outside of the hospital. But if it might help her sleep, she would spill over a thousand pages, a thousand canvases. She would drown her darkest thoughts with ink.

“Maybe,” she said with a confident nod.

***

Melody scratched out an entire line and then clicked the end of her pen. The words felt scrambled in her head. Whether it was because she was tired, or because she hadn’t written in so long, or because she just couldn’t phrase her fears, she was unsure. Two abandoned canvases lay flat on the floor beside her. One was merely a shapeless, flesh-colored blob, the other was indiscernible beneath a splatter if frustrated black paint.

Harry appeared in the doorway, wobbling, trying to support his weight with the new cane he’d been gifted. He clung to the doorframe with his free hand as he examined the room. There seemed to be only one or two paintings that he didn’t recognize displayed on the walls, landscapes and empty rooms in muted blues and grays. The mysterious green eye that he’d seen when he first stepped foot in this apartment still hadn’t been hung up. It was leaned against the far wall where it had been on Melody’s birthday. A thin layer of dust coated her desk now, dulling the wood. The plant which sat on the desk’s shelf looked parched and withered. And Melody’s fingers twitched around her pen, her hair spilled into her face from the loose knot she’d tied it in, and her eyes blinked too slowly, as though each time she closed them they resisted opening.

“Mel,” Harry muttered. He could tell she heard him, but she didn’t turn her head. “Lay down an’ try to sleep.”

“It’s the middle of the day,” she protested.

“All the more reason. Maybe yeh’ll sleep better when ‘s light out.”

Melody was silent for a minute. Then she began to click her pen. “It’s too quiet.”

“I’ll turn a movie on. Yeh can sleep on the couch.” Her pen clicked twice more. “C’mon, love. My legs are gettin’ tired.”

Melody slid her things to the back of her desk and climbed out of her chair. Harry began the short trip to the couch, knuckles growing white around his cane. Melody was there to catch him when he stumbled over the edge of the rug.

“For fuck’s sake,” he muttered beneath his breath.

“It’s fine.” She lowered him onto one of the cushions and sat down beside him as he dropped his cane. “It’s a process, Harry, you can’t be perfect.”

He grunted and she settled her cheek on his shoulder. Harry pressed a gentle kiss to her scalp. “Why don’t yeh lay down, love?” he suggested, plucking the remote from the arm of the sofa and turning on the TV.

Melody slid across the cushions until her head rested in Harry’s lap. She watched the screen change as he flipped through channels until he found a movie that he didn’t recognize. And then she felt his fingertips in her hair, brushing her ear, sliding along her neck. Of all the times Harry had touched her, so gently, so forcefully, so methodically, she had never felt him like this. This touch was thoughtless and casual, almost subconscious, and it made her very skin ache because it felt like an unexplored side of him. He was always so in his own head, sort of confused by the way he wanted to act around her and the way he felt like he should be acting. She could usually see the wheels working in his mind, but he didn’t seem confused now.

“Christ, I can feel your pulse,” he muttered, his fingertips stilling at the side of her throat. “Wha’s wrong?”

Queenie hopped out of thin air, a flurry of snow that sent newfound adrenaline pumping through Harry and Melody. The cat settled into the space between Melody’s knees and the back of the couch. Harry gave her a withering look.

“Nothing,” Melody eventually said, pressing her cheek more firmly into Harry's thigh. Already, she could feel her eyelids growing heavy, curtains prepared to fall. But she didn’t want to miss this moment, this unguarded glimpse of Harry.

“Then go to sleep, love. I’ll stay with yeh.”

Harry watched the movie that was on, though Melody wasn’t sure if he was absorbing any of it. As it was, she couldn’t keep track of the plot or the characters, but she felt Harry’s eyes fall to her every other minute. His hands continued to slip through her hair and tickle at her shoulders. And she didn’t feel herself slipping out of consciousness, she just fell without warning.

Chapter 11

#harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles blurb #harry styles drabble #harry styles x ofc #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles au #boxer!harry #boxer!au #harry styles ferocity

83 notes · View notes

cherrylining · 5 years ago

Text

Kakuriyo Light Novel Volume 5: Finale

I debated whether to translate this chapter for a long time, but in the end they didn’t confirm it in the anime, so...... you’re welcome, everybody.

Picks up after the ceremony, when Orio-ya and Tenjin-ya are saying their farewells to each other. This is from Ranmaru’s perspective (mostly. I guess.)

If you were waiting for this, thanks!

Previous chapter

My body, will be imprisoned here forever.

My destiny, will forever be watched over by the cradle of this sea.

Sometimes, I will suddenly want to return back to a certain destination.

I feel that I can hear, from the far end of the sea, from the far end of the country, that there are compatriots who are calling me.

But my body however, is still bound to this southern land.

Maybe one day, my soul will be able to travel through the storm, and return to that country.

Dear children, please forgive my waywardness.

Isohime-sama wrote down these words in her notebook.

This is the handwriting left by her after the failure of the ceremony, just before she slept forever in the filthy cave.

“Ranmaru, do you hate me?”

While looking at the majestic sea in the south, Ginji asked me.

I stroked Nobunaga’s back in my arms, and laughed.

“You ask me this even now? Didn’t you make up your mind to leave Orio-ya already?”

“But……”

Ginji’s silver hair fluttered in the wind, and his face still carried an earnest look.

“In the end, I just evaded the fate of the southern land and put all the responsibility on you.”

“......”

“Only I was free. But Ranmanru, you have always been here……”

“Ha! Ginji, you are still as naive. I thought you were using your own way to accomplish this mission.”

“What?”

What does this mean- Ginji showed a dumbfounded expression, as if these words were written on his face.

He has so much capability in doing business, but sometimes he could still be so natural. Really, it’s unbearable.

“Your decision to leave then was a turning point, just like this time, and triggered a series of fates in the end. You returning, this fact alone, has already brought many additional good things.”

“Additional…… are you referring to Aoi-san?”

“Not only that woman. I’m also referring to the Odanna of Tenjin-ya, the Fuyin couple, and many others that were also affected by you. Thanks to them, this ceremony ended with a great success- I knew by my intuitions that this time it would be successful, and until I had been notified by that messenger of the water mirror in the palace giving out a good omen, could I really confirm it…… But this success is by no means only on the surface. I also feel that I, who had been trapped for so long within the stagnant waters, being unable to escape, has finally been able to take a step forward.”

“......Ranmaru.”

These words, so different from what I would usually say, made Ginji feel overwhelmed.

However, the truth is that aside from achieving success for the ceremony this time, we have also received considerable gains in reviewing the form of the ceremony.

Although there is no way to know how long the ceremony of the southern land will last in the future, we must rethink how to receive the Umi-bouzu.

‘Entertainment’ should not be a ritual dominated by fear and silence in the past, but should be full of warmth.

Being able to find a view like this, that not even Isohime-sama had seen, could be possibly because we work in the industry of ‘inn’, and thus were able to find such an answer.

“In the end, the Umi-bouzu was just an ayakashi who was locked in the darkness and led a lonely life.”

“That place…… is it actually the dark side of the Eternal Realm?”

“Who knows. The only thing that is certain, is that the Black Sea at the other end will open once every hundred years, allowing impurities to pour out, causing disasters. But the Umi-bouzu isn’t an impurity, I think…… he probably exists to manage the impurities there.”

“An ayakashi to manage the impurities……”

Assuming that both the treasures and kagura dance were both necessary procedures to purify filth, the function of the ‘ocean treasures’ was different from the beginning.

--Only to satisfy the Umi-bouzu.

As for why his displeasure with the banquet would lead to the ceremony to fail, one of the reasons probably lie with whether he had enough “power” to keep the filth back.

In some respects, this power may refer to whether he ate enough and whether he was in good spirits. Although it sounds cheap, I think everyone can understand that without this banquet, the ceremony would not be successful.

From this point of view, the food and hospitality provided by Tsubaki Aoi this time were indeed surprisingly good. The reason lies with the fact that her cooking improves the “spiritual power” necessary for the survival of all youkais.

“Ginji, you made the right choice to initially leave. If we had both remained here, maybe we would not have been able to see these facts. It was you who led this ceremony to success.”

“No…… how could it be, Ranmaru. The effort that I could give was limited, and it was all thanks to Aoi-san’s help……”

“Ha! And that was all thanks to you that we could get her to act. DIdn’t she do all this, just to bring you back?”

“......”

Ginji suddenly looked up at Tenjinmaru, which was stopped at the docks.

His eyes followed the target of Tsubaki Aoi, who had poked her head out from the deck to bid farewell to the twins.

Even I, who had known him since young, seemed to have never seen before the warmth that was contained in his eyes. I think to myself, this really is……

“Haha! I really think you are a guy who likes picking the hardest road to walk.”

“What?”

“Falling in love with that woman…… you will be the one who suffers in the end.”

“......”

Ginji’s eyes slowly widened.

Seeing this guy’s surprised and speechless appearance, I could only speak happily.

“Alright, you should quickly go back. Your home is not here anymore.”

I patted Ginji on the shoulder, then left him and walked towards the front of the pine forest to meet the other groups in Orio-ya who came to see them off.

Glancing back at Ginji, he looked thoughtful and stared at the sea again.

After a while, he quickly climbed onto Tenjinmaru.

“Ah ah, that’s right, you should quickly go back. Just cherish the most important person in your heart right now, and it will be fine. Take care, my stupid brother.”

That will definitely change our way of survival in the future, and bring us good luck.

Tenjinmaru, which Ginji had boarded, set off not long after, and left here.

Carrying Ginji and the hero of this time, Tsubaki Aoi, returning back to where they should go.

“Goodbye!”

“Take care!”

“The clouds are gathering in the sky, watch out for the rain!”

Orio-ya’s employees and Tenjin-ya’s were fundamentally enemies of each other, but by the time they parted, they had formed a connection worthy of saying farewell to.

I thought this was a strange chance, and I smiled wryly.

“Hmph!”

“What’s wrong, Nobunaga?”

The normally well-behaved Nobunaga started rubbing his nose against my chest, whining frequently, looking up at the sky with an uneasy expression, and extended his tongue.

Do you want to leave this place also?

--He seemed to question me like that.

“Ha! Nobunaga, what nonsense are you saying. I like this southern land…… I, and my body, will coexist here with Orio-ya forever.”

My body, will be imprisoned here forever.

My destiny, will forever be watched over by the cradle of this sea.

Sometimes this heavy burden will also make me feel overwhelmed, thinking of what Isohime-sama said.

But I have never thought of flying far away, nor did I want to run away.

This magnificent southern sea endows me with grace, and I will be able to dare continuously. I have only this awareness.

Together with the companions of Orio-ya.

The beam of light shot into the sea from the other side of the sky illuminates us, who have struggled in the dark clouds and are finally breaking through.

Just like a blessing brought from the deceased person I love and respect, Isohime-sama.

#mytranslations #been a hot minute guys #apologies for that #kakuriyo light novel translations #Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi #kakuriyo bed and breakfast for spirits #kakuriyo light novels #kakuriyo light novel vol 5

49 notes · View notes

ibringyouasong89 · 4 years ago

Text

Self-Awareness Time, Part One:

So I’m reading this article one day, (see article here: https://psych2go.net/6-signs-youll-be-single-forever/), and realize how some of this is true, but also some of it is bullshit. Spoiler Alert: I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was 18. Is it because I haven’t wanted to be with someone, or be in a relationship, since that one ended? Quite the contrary, actually. I have dreamed, since I was a small child, of a perfect soulmate for me, and that it would be a Disney-movie-ending come true for the rest of my life. Having my first (and since then, only) boyfriend break up with me (so he could go out with my ex-best friend, who in turn, dumped her boyfriend of three years - who was my childhood friend from elementary school - in order to be with him; it was dramatic, stupid, and messy, i.e. we were teenagers who thought they knew themselves but didn’t have a clue) did not, in fact, deter those dreams at all. The problem is that I didn’t learn to love myself. I learned to move on, which is always wonderful, but I didn’t hold myself in any higher esteem than I had before, and while I was with him. It wasn’t a reflection on being with him, but more or less, a reflection of myself and how I saw myself, based on my childhood and certain experiences. Fast forward a couple of years later: my parents are divorced, my father is dead, my childhood friends have disappeared out of my life for the most part, I live with my mother and grandfather (who was close to dying himself), and I am now living in a different state, faraway from everything I know and love and hate everything about this new place. I hated (and still do, for many of these points) the polluted environment, I hated the lack of nature (I moved to a metropolitan-region within the realm of a major city), I hated how crowded it is, I hated how everyone lives on top of one another; I hate the noise, the traffic, and most of all, I hated how alien and out of place I feel. I knew I didn’t belong, but because of finances, and having an ineffective bachelor’s degree (that didn’t come with a lifetime guarantee of having a career, as promised by my parents and elder generations. Though it did come with the nice guarantee of student loans), I was unable to move anywhere else. I was unable to be independent, financially or otherwise, and could do nothing to make my dreams a reality or to improve my life. In short, I was stuck. And hating every minute of it, along with myself. To be fair, I wasn’t an emotionally healthy person to start off with - but I mean, who is by the time they’re 23, 24 years old, and a culminating reflection of time, pressure, past abuse, parental issues, trust issues, abandonment issues, lack of socializing/being ostracized for being different, and self-worth and self-love issues? No one, and I mean, NO ONE, is taught how to love themselves, completely, as a child. I don’t care who raised you or where you grew up. This is a fundamental truth and fact. But I met someone. Lo and behold, there came this divine gift, one day, of someone who was just like me! He didn’t have the same issues as I, but he understood in a general sense (as any individual who has a certain degree of sympathy and empathy can do), and made me feel seen (even if I hated it at times). Someone who, in all honesty, has fundamentally changed me forever. And to think I met him at my job! (i.e. retail). This person...well, I thought he might’ve been THE ONE. I was really, REALLY in love with him. More so than I ever thought I could be with someone. Our connection was real and based on emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy (there was none of the physical, which was probably for the best, in the end), and I had never loved anybody before, in the entire history of being connected to family and friends, the way I had loved him. I thought he was truly something special - a gift from the universe that not only allowed to experience this once-in-a-lifetime kind of love, but also because of how OBVIOUS it was that we were meant for each other. (I was so arrogant back then and admit it heartily now). Well, suffice to say, it didn’t end in rainbows-and-sunshine-for-years-to-come. He had already been entering a relationship when I met him, while also having his heart broken by another girl. As the saying goes: wrong place and time. While I was busy pining over him and fantasizing about us being together romantically (after building this incredible connection and deep friendship), he was happily living his life and enjoying his relationship...even though, for a time, he went out of his way to spend time with me and deepen our emotional intimacy further. He told me things about himself, and his life, that he swore he had never told another human being before in his life. But it all came to a grinding halt one day - out of the blue - when he severed our connection with all of the swiftness and severity of a well-placed swing from a sharpened blade. Later he would confess that it wasn’t intentional - it was because he was busy cutting other people out of his life and I got caught up in the “crossfires” of it all via social media and the like *insert eyeroll here* - but that he had also been conscious of my burgeoning feelings for him, and felt “flattered” that I had come to regard him so greatly. He promised to re-open the lines of communication between us again and to be a better friend. Spoiler Alert Part Two: None of these promises were fulfilled. Now, some of you (or whoever reads this long-ass personal post) might say “Well, maybe in knowing about your feelings, THAT was why he didn’t bother talking to you anymore. It made him uncomfortable, especially since he was in a relationship with someone else. He just wanted to make a clean break.” To be completely honest, I was aware of that possibility from the get-go. The problem is that he claimed (during this period of seeking me out and spending quality time with me) his relationship with his girlfriend was “casual.” That he was more than aware that he was her first boyfriend, but that he knew it wouldn’t last. In knowing that, he still pursued a relationship with that girl (though his self-prophecy did come to pass...three years later). Now, there were never any promises made about entering a relationship with ME, as some of you may point out as well. I agree. There are, and never will be, any guarantees when it comes to the heart. Someone who learns to love another is quite capable of also learning how to un-love that same individual, at any time. And hatred, as many know, is not the opposite of love; apathy is its true counterpart.

No, what was truly hurtful was that he knew that truth, honesty, compassion, consideration, and genuineness were core values of mine. Values that I thought he shared...but turned out to be lies when he revealed his regard, or lack-there-of, for me in the end. When he did not confront me over my feelings for him and instead played ignorant for the sake of his own happiness. When he promised that this did not interfere with his ability to be my friend, even after confessing said romantic intentions to him, and probably lying about it all the same. He knew of my past, my issues, and had probably guessed at my level of loneliness and knew about my lack of friends since moving away from my hometown...and didn’t think twice of ditching me, nor of how his sudden “ignorance” about our bond would effect my feelings. That being “one of the guys” was my true status - despite the fact that I have breasts, a vagina, lack a penis, and had never acted in a “masculine way” around him (aside from being intelligent, having common sense, being interested in comic books, music, and movies, having a deep appreciation for classic muscle cars, and a biting sense of sarcasm); i.e. no hanging out in bars with him and his male friends, no doing stupid shit for giggles, no running around in the middle of the night to each other’s houses to smoke pot and drink in the basement, not being into sports and wrestling, recalling the same stupid stories from high school and retelling them, over and over again, along with the same stupid jokes, etc...And I’m not judging any female (or person) who does DO this, or enjoy these things! I’m just simply describing how he, and his friends, acted and what their similar interests are. I was “friend-zoned” (which is a ridiculous phrase, but I can’t think of anything else to describe it as), but was NOT treated like a friend any longer. I was treated like a stranger or an acquaintance that you remember vaguely seeing in the hallways and cafeteria when you attend your high school reunion (that guy who makes you go “Oh, *Insert Name Here*! Omg! How are you?! Wow, it’s been a while! Great to see you lost all that weight! So uh...how’s things?”). In short: I was being gas-lit. For anyone who has experienced this, you have my deepest sympathies and my ear and shoulder, whenever you would like. Of course part of the blame falls on me too: for treating romantic love like a drug I couldn’t live without, for depending on someone too much for my happiness, and for allowing myself to be treated as someone who is less than worthy of real love, respect, consideration, kindness, compassion, and honest, open communication.

So, not only did this guy break my heart, but he also threw me, and our friendship, away like it all meant nothing. It became obvious then that I, and our bond, had never mattered to him at all. The worst part is that he continued to flirt with me, stringing me along (unknowingly or not), while also maintaining this enforced distance! (Which is also COMPLETELY WRONG TO DO TO ANYONE!) In truth, I think he’s an unaware narcissist who doesn’t realize, on an unconscious level, how manipulative he can really be. It’s sad. But I know, without wishing for it or egging the universe on, that there is a lesson waiting for him in the wings of the cosmos that will enable him to truly understand the lows, and highs, of true personal awareness (if it should come to pass - anything is possible, in any way, shape, or form). But back to the point: In conclusion, my soul was shattered. My heart was a destroyed. I fell into a depression based, not only on this heartbreak, but also my heart being broken by ME. I was so unhappy with everything going on, and not, in my life and it all felt so hopeless and pointless. I could see no path forward, no future for myself, that didn’t result either in me being unhappy or being unstuck. (Hell, even writing about all of this is allowing the phantom pains to rise from their graves in my heart, which makes me realize how much healing, and self-love, I still have to gain). This, however, was the beginning of my awakening for me.

It dawned on me like the rising sun within me that I really SHOULDN’T put stock into having people depended upon so much to MAKE me happy. I should be making MYSELF happy. But then the deepest question, out of the pit of darkness within my soul, arose: Why WASN’T I happy with myself?

2 notes · View notes

artyrogue · 4 years ago

Text

Blind Date Gaming: Robocop vs. the Terminator

Been a while! I think some ample recovery time is called for after trying out odd game after odd game. A couple bad dates can really muck up any enthusiasm to try again. Well, I'm refreshed now and ready to hit the scene again! C'mon, PRANG, matchmake me with a winner tonight! I'm feeling amped and energized!

RoboCop vs. the Terminator? Well if that doesn't just sound sweet as a high-priced room at a hotel! Hopefully it's a battle of steel and shells and not just like the impatient staring contest it looks like on the title screen. Let's get right to it!

I feel like RoboCop doesn't just mildly go on patrol. I also feel like he wouldn't do paperwork or any of the other super-boring tasks police actually do.

We start with a stiff animation of RoboCop walking past a title card. So between these two sci-fi titans, we play as RoboCop, eh? Sounds fine, let's take a peek at lovely downtown Detroit!

I assume this is what Detroit normally looks like after hearing about it all the time in the media. This game is only reaffirming my vision!

So what we have here is a slow-paced shooter/platformer. Think of Contra, but your player character moves at half speed, jumps like a squirrel in a full-body cast, and can only shoot forward and diagonally up. Also, enemies spawn relentlessly, are tiny, and you can only have 2 shots on the screen at once. So, uhh, to say...not superb. But hey! They took time animate little bullet casings flying out of your gun, so it's got that going for it!

The level design is mildly amusing I guess, with paths through sewers, up and down ladders, across pits using overhead pipes, and some other staples of platforming games like lame moving platforms and stacks of boxes. The music is blasé and for whatever reason there's a constant droning sound effect, like RoboCop here has old mechanical parts rattling around constantly. The whole scene kind of killed my initial excitement, but oh man! At the end of level 2 or so I met the Terminator! Let's get this rockin' pop culture battle started!

The battle of shades versus visors begins

Aaand it's a really stupid fight that I didn't even get hit during since you can duck to avoid anything Terminator can do. Wow, is this really what the ultimate cyborg badass is capable of? Also, does this mean the game's over? I mean, the title was RoboCop vs. the Terminator. Why'd we jump right into the title bout? Why's it so pathetic? I mean, I know the answer is 'because it was jammed onto a tiny Game Boy cartridge, but come ON, game devs, gimme something more!

Guy's like, "Oh hey there, take an explosive yo-yo, officer rustbucket"

Well, spoiler alert, it's not over. We end up casually beating some more Terminator models, navigating through Omni Corp, defeating some really irritating foes, and then time traveling to Los Angeles in the future. Yeah, I don't know where time travel comes from here. RoboCop just kinda casually walks by as he always does and poof! Greeted by the future.

I always wondered what Los Angeles was going to do with the piles and piles of human remains they constantly generate. Good to see the future folk figured out that piling them on the streets was the correct solution!

The future is always bright. But the enemies are really starting to get annoying. Some split up and divebomb you, and with the limited, stiff offensive capabilities you have, you really start getting reamed by things. Plus, enemy spawns can just keep happening if they're on the screen edge, so some platforming is nigh impossible without getting hit. That wouldn't normally be a problem but one hit make makes you lose the only powerup in the game to improve your offense, because why should you have fun?

Eventually, you fight some giant flying drone with an annoying hitbox. It explodes with little fanfare and you go straight to Skynet.

Yoiks, the game starts trying to get artsy here, as Skynet is all in this weird perspective that makes it hard to tell what's a platform and what isn't. Also, you have tons of electric traps and foes spamming the screen all at once, so you truly never know what's going on here. Sometimes electricity counts as being behind you and it passes harmlessly through you. It's all very confusing, which I mean kind of makes sense for the future. Maybe hitboxes evolve?

But then, after a long level full of lasers and tiny platforms, you reach what I assume is the central brain of Skynet! Hope you're packin' some heavy ammo, Rob O'Cop, this brain don't think you got much time left to live!

Man, this brain sure poops out a lot of tiny keyholes

So this boss is pretty much exactly the same as the prior drone boss. Amazing. Well, it dies easy, so I win easy. Now let's take it easy and see the ending sequence!

Good job robocop, you get a gold star and a prize from the toy jar

Oh. That's all I'm getting, huh? Yuuup, it just dumps you to the title screen after Mr. O'Cop does his dumb walking animation past the text. Geez, they were really proud of that animation, I guess. It plays all the freaking time throughout the game. Whatever, I took down both OmniCorp and Skynet on a single shift. I ought to at least get a time off award or something. Maybe Officer of the Month? Someone's gotta dethrone Sullivan. Jerk's been Officer of the month for like 2 years straight. (That buttkisser...)

So that was the thrilling, action-packed journey of two hard cyber men duking it out. My life is considerably less enriched than I was hoping for. Well, at least I can say, "nope, not gonna date again" and go hit the showers before I go home.

Oh hey, look! There's was a Sprite of Passage in my locker! Well, why don't you take it, rookie? You might need it since you're starting the next shift covering all the paperwork I generated by forceably entering shifty corporations and traveling through time. Lucky dog, you!

This guy is either packing heat or asking a lunch lady for seconds

#blinddategaming #gameboy #robocop #terminator

4 notes · View notes

theoptomisticoutlook · 3 years ago

Text

After a long couple weeks of binge eating haagen-daz ice cream & watching all my comfort shows up to date i've found peace. I've learned a lot about myself & my life & especially how I act and feel in regards to love. Love has been a top topic in my life for a while now. Ever since I lost 60 pounds back in July of 2020 my whole life has changed, especially surrounding love in my life & how I feel about love. In the beginning prior to this time, romantic love was not even a consideration in my life. I had to lose weight to gain even a sliver of that life experience. So once a drastic weight loss occurred, there was a drastic increase in that life experience. At my big ole age of 19, it was the first time I was experiencing anything with guys or in “love”. I was very naive in this topic & lacked tons of experience. Yet it didn't help that my whole life I craved attention from men in order to feel validated in my beauty. So just as it was for many people in high school, I was dibbling & dabbling in this experience but out in the real world. I loved the attention, loved having & entertaining so many guys of all sorts. I was thriving off this experience, & not to mention how inflated my ego got from getting everyone I wanted to all the compliments I received everywhere I went. Of course through this, I got “heart broken”. Twice actually. Well make it thrice to this present day. But it wasn't until the 2nd heartbreak that it really took that I had no idea how to navigate myself in love. I had no idea how deeply I feared commitment or how emotionally unavailable I really was. I had no idea how much of an influence my childhood trauma was intruding in my actions & mindset to love. After that 2nd time, which permanently ended the day of my birthday, I decided I was going to heal. I out loud told myself I was going to heal & I was going to learn how to love in a healthy way & only accept healthy love. Not this bare minimum idealized situationship love social media has praised & normalized. As a collective society we have normalized toxicity as cute & acting in ways of unhealed trauma only causing others more trauma as okay. I spent about 3-5 months “healing” & getting over someone who should have never had access to me form the get go. Now, I can proudly say I have definitely grown & healed lots of my childhood trauma. I know my worth & I stand firmly on my foundation of self love. I have standards now. I love who I've been able to become in such a short amount of time & this girl, standing next to the girl I was at the start of the year doesn't compare. Both equally as beautiful externally, but on the inside one has found her soul, aspirations, & drive & the other was still gaining life experience. I knew I really grew with how I reacted to this 3rd heartbreak. The 2nd one I'll admit shocked me into probably one of the saddest times of my whole life, not even exaggerating. I would cry everyday for weeks, I stopped talking to everyone I knew, & I was destroying my body at the gym sometimes even twice a day. I wasn't eating enough & I was high almost everyday from the morning to night. An incredibly horrible time in my life. But I'm grateful for that experience because eventually I made it out of that hole & I made it out better than ever before. It's why when this 3rd time occurred I knew I would never allow myself to fall back into that dark of a pit of sadness, I knew I would never allow another person have that much power over my life. I also knew I'd be okay eventually because of what I had gone though & I choose that reality of being okay. No matter how I felt on a certain day, one thing's for certain that I'd be okay. So here I am 3ish weeks later so awakened to myself & better than ever. A process that in the past took me over 3 months, down to a couple weeks. That in itself is growth & improvement. It's the realization of what's meant for you will not pass you by. Do not beg or compete for anyone's love no matter how special they are because you are just as special if not more, it's your reality so of course your the best person to exist. A person who loves you shows you & doesn't make you question their love for you. There's no what ifs or maybes because in genuine love there is only certainty & reassurance. Don't allow the idea of someone's potential to keep you strung along when you can tap into your very own potential. & unfortunately they'll just have to catch up when that day comes when they so call “evolve” but don't you dare remain stagnant in your life for that moment to come. Here's the thing too though, if you love someone for who they can become & do decide to stay, you yourself do not understand love. Love isn't “potential”, attachment, control, or obsession. Love is truth, acceptance, & unconditional. Love is pure & blissful, not complicated & confusing. Love is Love. It's why once I understood what love meant to me & how I want to be loved is when I was able to move on without even the desire of turning back. The way I love is pure, straight from my heart so that is the love I will accept. Only the best because I know I am serving the best. I know I show up as my best self & I show love in the best ways I know how & that's authentic & open. So that is the love I demand to receive & if it isn't that than why do I want it. I love myself therefore the monster of “loneliness” won't win here. I love myself so I know there is better out there & my person is out there because clearly they're not for me if they're passing me by. I love myself, so I will only allow a love of my standard & capacity to be accepted in my reality. I don't need to love someone else & I definitely don't lack love in my life, so I no longer fight or allow a bare minimum love in my reality. All that does for me is add burden & baggage on my journey to accomplishing my dreams. Something or someone holding me back in any sort of of way, even emotionally, is not for me. Its like trying to fit a square toy in a triangle hole. It does not fit even if the both are shapes, this is not the right one no matter how many times I try, complain, or question why. The sooner I put the square down & and find my triangle, the sooner the pieces will fit perfectly & effortlessly. Just how I want a love that's for me to fit into my reality.

#love messages #love advice #self worth #self love #growth #self healing #personal blog #blog

1 note · View note