#I’ve had such grandiose plans in the past which have gone absolutely nowhere bc I’ll ride the dopamine high of having come up with the plan | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

8-birdparagon · 4 months ago

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I know that everybody moves through life at different speeds and “comparison is the thief of joy” and all that, but scrolling through the social media of people I knew in high school and seeing that several of them are just straight up married now bestows upon me a very distinct feeling of missing out

#honestly at this point I’m not even sure if I even want a relationship or if I just want to feel like a priority in people’s lives #but it’s an isolating feeling to see everybody else experience certain milestones and I’m just kinda left behind #I feel like my life has improved considerably over the past couple years but I still struggle with things that seem so basic #like just talking to people is a struggle #not even anxiety-wise I’ve been doing great on that front #but like knowing the little niceties that people do and what to say and when and how #it’s all just so much and every single time I try I just end up feeling awkward and shutting down #but I have to try or else I stand no chance of improving bc being social is a skill and it’s only atrophied for me since high school #so if I want people to like me then I first have to overcome the awkward feeling and just accept that people might end up hating me #I hate it I hate it I hate it I just want to be loved but I need to be known first #current plan is to just try to get myself out of the house once a week and then just go from there #I’ve had such grandiose plans in the past which have gone absolutely nowhere bc I’ll ride the dopamine high of having come up with the plan #and then I just don’t do anything with it #so this time my plan is gonna be uncomfortable and annoying and inconvenient #and perhaps I’ll emerge from the other side as someone else

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