#but I have committed to choosing joy and pursuing the things that make me happy

[historyherstory]

So uhhh, 👋 who showed up out of nowhere after half a year in hibernation? Meeee!!! Wishing you all the best and hoping that 2023 has treated you with grace and kindness. I’ll start updating again 😬 I have a bunch of chapters already written (and I do intend on finishing this story!)

Due to the recent issue with AI scraping AO3, I’ve changed His Story: Hiding Hers to be accessible to members only. I have some invitations that I’m able to send out so if you don’t have an AO3 account and want one, let me know and I can send you an invitation (it will require your email address, so please be comfortable sharing that!)

[nattaphum]

Earlier this year at the Gateway of India in Mumbai, Phakphum Romsaithong — or more affectionately known by his nickname “Mile” — was spotted at the Dior Women’s Fall ’23 show together with fellow co-star “Apo” Nattawin Wattanagitiphat. There was plenty of buzz surrounding their attendance: #MileApo appeared on Twitter’s trending page, while “Did Mile and Apo come to India” became one of many common Google searches about the two actors. Despite being just two years into their careers in the Thai entertainment industry, the duo requires no introduction — and it is all thanks to the seminal action and romance television series KinnPorsche: The Series.

Since it first aired on 2 April 2022 after a year of production delays, the show consistently trended worldwide as each weekly episode arrived. While a shift in scriptwriting — especially as the story pursues themes of the Mafia with darker, complex themes that most series in Thailand have shied away from — many have reasoned that the natural interactions of Mile and Apo in the series are a rarity. Coupled with an intense promotional strategy that saw graphic teasers each time an episode was announced and a slew of behind-the-scenes footage available in durations twice as much as the series, it made sense why these actors have rapidly risen into contemporary pop culture knowledge.

While we have come to know both Mile and Apo, rarely do we get a glimpse of Mile without his tether to Apo. Once a communications and journalism graduate, the 31-year old — who never expected that acting would be his calling — has been going back and forth between personas. For faithful fans, he might be Kinn but within closed doors, Mile remains just as he was before the series. Two years on, Mile is still intensely committed to his fans. “I approach my work with an open mind, not knowing the extent of its potential success,” Mile mentions. “Nevertheless, my main focus remains on giving my absolute best and ensuring the happiness of those who witness it. Their satisfaction is of utmost importance to me.”

Hello Mile, how are you these days?

I’m currently doing well, although quite occupied at the moment. If we were to represent it as a graph, it might appear as a lull period. However, I am utilising this time to engage in self-care — both physically and mentally — and to make necessary preparations.


What did it feel like waking up the morning the show debuted? 


I’m thrilled to be addicted to the series once again. Its irresistible charm keeps me coming back for more, just like others who are captivated by its captivating story. Seeing people enjoy it and receiving positive feedback brings me immense joy. These moments are truly cherished, and I take great pleasure in being a part of it.

In a few interviews, you mentioned that a career as an actor and singer/songwriter was not your first choice. Looking back, do you still have any reservations about acting?

Each of us harbours a multitude of aspirations, not confined to a singular goal. For me, true fulfilment lies in pursuing what truly ignites my passion and brings me joy. I am steadfast in my commitment to constant self-preparation and growth.

When presented with an opportunity, I choose to wholeheartedly embrace it — giving nothing short of my best. I am prepared to immerse myself in the pursuits that captivate my interest, dedicating my heart and soul to them. Though it may not be my ultimate objective, I am aware of my deep desire to embark on this path and so, I persistently ready myself for it.

Your life has now changed seeing that you are arguably one of Thailand’s most recognisable personalities. What is one thing you miss from before your fame arrived?

Engaging in conversations with strangers holds a special place in my heart. As of right now — due to time constraints — I haven’t had the opportunity to fully immerse myself like that anymore. The days of encounters and spontaneous conversations with unfamiliar faces have become a rarity. However, such encounters have always been a source of genuine enjoyment for me. The sheer pleasure of conversing with individuals from all walks of life knows no bounds. Regardless of their background or disposition, I find immense fulfilment in the simple act of exchanging thoughts and ideas.

Any moments with your fans that have had a lasting impact on you?

Each encounter with my fans brings an overwhelming sense of joy and fulfilment. Lately, I’ve been immersed in reading the heartfelt messages written on cards by my devoted supporters. I’m already halfway through this heartfelt endeavour. Last night, I came across a touching note from a fan expressing their desire to learn English in order to communicate with me. It’s remarkable to witness the lengths people go to — dedicating their time and efforts to learning languages like Thai, English, or even regional dialects — solely for the purpose of connection. Their dedication truly moves me.

You are almost inseparable from Apo, both on and off-screen. What is your most fond memory of him?

It has been twelve years since we coincidentally worked together, and his unique appearance remains vivid in my memory. Recently, passionate fans stumbled upon a video of our first meeting, leaving me pleasantly surprised. This unexpected revelation serves as a gentle reminder of life’s unpredictable nature, occasionally gifting us with delightful surprises along our journey.

On fashion, Mile elaborates that “the fashion world captivates us and draws us into its allure. Active participation in this industry involves immersing myself among talented stylists and continuously expanding knowledge.” But while Mumbai is not his first breakthrough with Dior, Mile has always had his eye on fashion. “I actually embarked on this journey at the age of eight,” Mile explains. “Seeing my mother in beautifully crafted clothes when I was young and experiencing the influence of television were transformative moments that sparked my passion for the captivating world of fashion.”

Tell us more about the Dior Men Fall 2023 collection you are wearing today. What did you like most about it? 


This collection exudes an exceptional uniqueness and embodies the distinctive character that Dior presents. I was remarkably comfortable during my time in Mumbai, which pleasantly surprised me. Despite the inquiries from others about its potential heat-inducing qualities, I found it to be quite the opposite. Even with its simple yet captivating designs and understated colour palette, it effortlessly stands out. Wearing these pieces becomes easy and is an enjoyable experience. Rather than mere excitement, my emotions were fueled by an intense enthusiasm when I delved deeper into the realm of Dior.

How about your first fashion show with Dior, what was it like?


Attending a fashion show proved to be a transformative experience, one that expanded the horizons of my perception. It was a delightful and invigorating journey, allowing me to witness the unfolding of a whole new world. The show by Dior in the enchanting city of Paris was truly remarkable. Each garment conveyed a profound message, intricately woven into the fabric of the event. This combination of creativity and storytelling made for an unforgettable spectacle.

Are there any Dior items in your wardrobe that you would consider your favourite?

I love the Dior Lingot bag in the large size, I believe it is the 50. It truly holds everything I need. And when you have a very busy schedule, a large bag is just what you need.

Yet, despite the tremendous achievements he currently possesses, the story is far from over for Mile. In some ways, KinnPorsche could be likened to only the dawn in what promises to be an impressive career. Be On Cloud — the company managing Mile and Apo as well as a host of other up-and-rising Thai stars — has recently announced a new film later this year and it involves Mile as its lead actor. Titled Man Suang — an ancient descriptor which translates to a “heavenly city of gods and angels” — the film will be set around the emerging Thai kingdom and its historical inception as a modern civilisation in epic proportions. Teased as a complete departure from the contemporary themes explored with KinnPorsche, the film has been marked as one of the largest and most ambitious film projects in Thailand with a production budget that rivals even that of Hollywood.

Much of what is shown in the trailer is meant to mislead, Mile teases, with more yet to be revealed at this point of writing. Apo will return as Mile’s co-star, but with a different dynamic between both actors this time. Its quality is meant to be top-notched too and make no mistake, there is plenty of anticipation for the film to be huge — the film’s trailer arrived weeks before its premiere at the 76th annual Cannes Film Festival, suggesting that Be On Cloud has its eyes on taking the film all over the globe.

There has been quite a bit of buzz about Be On Cloud’s Man Suang, especially since there has not been much information released at this moment other than its debut at this year’s Cannes Film Festival. It is noteworthy to mention that the film marks your first main role in a motion picture. Can you tell us more about it? 


This movie carries a truly unique essence, captivating its viewers with a narrative that invites imagination and contemplation. It weaves a mysterious tapestry intertwined with the rich traditions and stories that unfolded in Thailand during the Rattanakosin period. The beauty lies in the artful portrayal of each character as they share their tale, allowing us to witness the profound transformations that humans undergo. It serves as a reminder that our beliefs — though held strongly — may not always yield definitive outcomes, offering a glimpse into the diverse possibilities that exist.

Let’s also get into the fact that it will be a historical film, and it marks a departure from the contemporary style of KinnPorsche. What kind of research did you do to get into the role?

For every character I embody, I dedicate myself to meticulous preparation, adopting a consistent approach. I delve into the era in which the character resides, immersing myself in its historical backdrop. It is almost like method acting and it is very similar to how I live my life. This thorough understanding enables me to comprehend the motives behind their actions and thoughts. I am grateful to be surrounded by a supportive team that encourages my creativity throughout this process, granting me the freedom to explore and bring my own unique perspective to the role.

While it is a new project for you, you will be starring alongside Apo again. Will we see a different dynamic between the characters both of you are slated to play? 


In every performance I deliver, there lies a remarkable blend of 90% embodiment of the character and a 10% essence of my own being. This 90% is a testament to my growth as an actor, an opportunity for people to witness my evolution through each role I undertake. I wholeheartedly invite audiences to appreciate the dedication and effort I invest in every project. As each character holds a unique identity, spectators will recognise the striking distinction, unveiling the diverse range and versatility I hope I can bring to the stage or screen.

Before we end, would you like to share any messages with your fans? 


My heartfelt gratitude goes out to all the devoted fans who have supported me wholeheartedly throughout my journey. Your unwavering support has touched me deeply and means the world to me. Thank you for being there, from the bottom of my heart.

[LINK]

[w-ht-w]

Reminds me of that quote from Mandy Hale: "Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don't put your life on hold waiting for love." 

This video was unexpectedly dark. But I think, if we can come to terms with the "worst case scenario" (of not finding our life partner(s)), then maybe that bad outcomes will loosen its grip on us. Maybe we'll feel more liberated to pursue other avenues for fulfillment/growth/connection. Like through friends or work. And who knows? If we allow ourselves to live more authentically + joyfully, even in the absence of a Great Love, we may just find it by accident along the way.

We shouldn’t outsource joy, happiness, and personal growth to our future partner(s). We should choose these things for ourselves, regardless.

And anyway, what is the point of committed, intimate partnership? To grow + become better versions of ourselves? To feel accepted/loved? To raise children/family together? To split rent costs? So many of these can be done by our own initiative, instead of outsourcing to others. We can grow/learn on our own. We can love ourselves. We can raise children ourselves (though it’s admittedly harder), or positively impact on the next generation without raising children of our own. Or we can even raise children with multiple partners/friends/relatives in the same home. We don’t have to go the traditional route of having a single, committed partner. It’s fine to put yourself out there in the hopes of attaining it. But sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way.

Admittedly, during moments of weakness/vulnerability, it can be nice to have a committed, understanding partner(s) to support + pull us out of our funk. But we can also rely on friends, family, therapists/counselors, animals + pets.

[0:00] From the start of adulthood, we have been waiting. We understood love intuitively long before it was ever a practical possibility. We knew that it was bound up with a sense of being profoundly understood and finally able to say everything, without fear of judgement or censure.

We forced ourselves out of our comfort zones, in the name of love. But things aren’t always guaranteed to work out.

[0:52] In the name of love, we put ourselves in extraordinary situations. We went out far more than we would have wanted. We bought fancy clothes, we thought about our hair and worried about our spots, we drank intensely coloured cocktails, we ended up at small hours in alien parts of town, in the bedrooms of people we knew weren’t right but that seemed at least in some way to be an advance on the cause. We accepted dates with people we knew were problematic because we wanted not to ossify or grow too peculiar. It wasn’t always right, in fact, it was mostly always wrong, but we kept our spirits up and told ourselves it would eventually be OK, as they kindly assured us it would be. 

I also think of Oprah Winfrey, who decided to never marry. Devoting herself to her career instead.

I realized I didn't actually want a marriage. I wanted to be asked," ... "I wanted to know he felt I was worthy of being his missus, but I didn't want the sacrifices, the compromises, the day-in-day-out commitment required to make a marriage work. My life with the show was my priority, and we both knew it." (x)

[astrosky33]

‼️ PLZ READ ‼️

i am in no way wanting to send hate to this girl so please don’t hate on her! she is clearly listening to things she sees on tiktok and i would just like to educate everyone on why this is NOT true!

so now let me explain that no venus sign can tell you whether or not you are a cheater. your venus signs can’t even lead to the possibility of cheating

DEBUNKING THESE STEREOTYPES

GEMINI VENUS

gemini is ruled by the planet mercury which is the planet of stimulation, communication, the mind, and reason. people with their venus in gemini need lots of communication and someone who can naturally keep a conversation and keep them interested. with mercury representing reason this means they like to have reason as to why they should date someone. not just because “they’re nice” or “they’re pretty” they need a mental and emotional connection with someone to fall for them. they’re often wise with who they choose which makes them picky

they get stereotyped as having non-committal tendencies when really they are avoiding committing to the wrong person

SAGITTARIUS VENUS

sagittarius is ruled by jupiter the planet of abundance, optimism, growth, and happiness. people with venus in sagittarius love to be in relationships consistently due to jupiter ruling over abundance. it brings them joy to be with someone and be in love

it’s not that they want to be in a lot of relationships, they just want to be with someone all the time instead of being single so it’s likely you’ll rarely see them out of relationships depending on the rest of the chart of course but, either way this sign in no way indicates someone who’s unloyal

ARIES VENUS

aries is ruled by mars the planet of passion, desire, and sex/sex drive. this makes people with venus in aries very passionate lovers that are quick to pursue the people they want and love the chase. typically they don’t wait long after liking someone to let them know they have feelings, depending on their chart of course!

people with their venus in aries get stereotyped as cheaters because aries is ruled by lust and sex drive but, this doesn’t mean they lust for everyone they see. they’re passionate lovers who usually love sex and being intimate yes but, that doesn’t mean they want to have it with everyone

AQUARIUS VENUS

aquarius placements in general often get the stereotype of being detached and emotionless which couldn’t be more incorrect. aquarius is ruled by uranus & saturn. uranus is the planet of independence and freedom. saturn is the planet of challenges, lack, discipline, and longevity

wanting to be independent and free does not equal a cheater. this means they want their space and freedoms without someone controlling them. if we’re talking about the old age planetary ruler of aquarius (saturn) this doesn’t mean they’re not loyal either. your venus sign being ruled by saturn does not mean you lack emotions or romantic feelings. this can represent ups and downs with your love life before finding the right person for you, and also that you have few relationships but long lasting ones. with saturn representing longevity it actually means once they fall for someone they’re deeply in love for a long time. it also represents discipline meaning they’re not the type to cheat at all. they’re actually one of the most loyal venus signs if we narrow down loyalty to just the venus sign. overall your venus sign can’t tell you how loyal you are though

MORAL OF THE STORY

study the reasoning of placements astrologically (using reliable sources) before believing a tiktok

© factsrological 2022 all rights reserved

[blindwyrm]

Basics of Energy Work - Part One

Expanding Awareness Energy work is a subtle art, a foundational building block to successful magic. Almost all magical practices involve some form of energy work - and there are countless forms - but how it will function from individual to individual will differ greatly. To put it simply, energy work is the practice of manipulating unseen energies. Everything - people, places, animals, inanimate objects, even our thoughts - vibrates at a specific energetic frequency and emits energy. By learning how to identify and tune into these energies, we can use them to direct our magic and spell work. Chances are, you have worked your own personal energy before. More often than not, your own energy will be the easiest for you to tap into. To do this, we need to learn how to expand our awareness. Meditation Meditation is a good practice to have when pursuing any kind of magical endeavor; there are many ways to meditate and there is much to achieve through it. The overall key to meditation is, generally, focus. You are training your mind to simply observe with non judgement; not to simply clear your mind of any thought at all, which is the common misconception. There is not just one way to meditate - if sitting cross legged in a room bathed with incense as you engage breathing exercises works for you, great! Some people meditate through dance, yoga, exercise, crafts, etc. Anything where your mind can drift, “tune out” so to speak, as your body instinctively goes through the motions. There are also several forms of guided meditations that you can use for specific goals, such as attentiveness, visualization, improving memory, empowerment, etc. Elemental meditation is popular among the witchcraft community. What’s great about guided meditation is it extremely accessible through apps and things like youtube (favorites of mine are the fire meditation and the water meditation from magickians!) and makes the whole process of learning to meditate a lot less intimidating.  As meditation relates to energy work, it will sharpen your ability for visualization, increase your focus, have you more in touch with your physical and inner self as both the same and separate entities, and increase your awareness of changes in and around you - all of this working towards an enhanced ability to sense energy and its movement.  What is this mystical “energy?”  If you’re having trouble wrapping your head around the idea of the elusive and all encompassing vaguery of “energy”, don’t worry. The idea may seem intimidating, but they are not inaccessible. If you are struggling, it only indicates that you are human. This will take practice and it will require you to understand the concepts on a physical level. Luckily, these are steps that nearly every magical practitioner, old and new, has and will continue to work on for the rest of their spiritual journey. Every question you have has likely already been answered. Some may just take a bit of research to find! However, I’m going to try and provide at least some cursory information here. To get a real idea of what “energy” feels like, set aside some quiet time for youself. Close the door, dim the lights, turn off your phone. Light your candles and make sure you will be left alone. Sit down on the floor and make yourself comfortable - not too comfortable! You don’t want to fall asleep. Draw in some deep breaths and clear your mind, as you did in your meditation. Continue until you feel your breathing regulated and yourself relaxed. Now, close your eyes and rub your palms together, like you’re trying to warm them up, then pull them an inch or two apart. You should feel a charged sensation tingling between your hands, maybe even like a ball, vibrating and pulsating in your hands. If you concentrate, you may even be able to feel a sort of magnetic resistance if you attempt to push it back together. That’s energy. It’s really that simple. If you don’t feel it at first, just try again. The more you do this, the easier it will become to identify your own and different types of energy all around you through a technique called centering, which will be discussed below.  Grounding The term grounding, sometimes called Earthing, means to recalibrate your energy. Essentially, the purpose of grounding is to shake off “excess” energy and ground yourself back in reality, into the rhythm of the plane on which we exist. And while grounding does restore balance and connectedness, there are greater implications to explore when it comes to grounding. Everything on this earth is shaped by forces and presence of the Earth and cosmos, and as such, “this connection is deeply inherent to a sustainable state of well being. The Earth, as an organic and inorganic system, is constantly bathing all life on the planet with its highly ordered and coherent electromagnetic field. The natural tendency of an organism is to couple with the Earth’s energy field and come to a mutual state of cooperation and harmony within its environment, finding its niche and proper place within a system. What we need to understand is that all systems strive to achieve, return to and/or maintain a state of coherence. Whether one is aware of it or not, we are always taking part in a constant process within our universe, coupling with other energy fields and finding some sort of balance within this space. This happens everywhere within the context of an ecosystem, whenever two forces interact for any reason. The more organized or coherent these fields are, the more effectively and efficiently energy can be [manipulated.]”  Grounding allows us to cultivate a relationship with the earth and facilitate a healthier, more coherent state of being. It allows us to align our energy for more accurate working. Like meditation, there are many ways to ground; a list of some of my personal favorite methods can be found (here.) Shielding and Centering Shielding is important for magical workings as it provides a protective barrier to maintain our center. To do this, you’ll want to get a feel for your personal energy first. A good way to do is something called centering. Throughout the day, you naturally will pick up on all kinds of external energy; some good, some bad, most of it probably neither of the two - either way, it is energy that is not yours. Meditation and shadow work will be useful in identifying what feels distinctly you, but you should be able to know when you’re not feeling entirely you. If you’ve been feeling particularly out of sorts, a good tip to get back in touch with yourself before centering or shielding is to spend some time in self care. Turn off your phone and go to your room or a friendly space in nature, a library, a favorite haunt and engage in a creative project, put on your favorite music, eat your favorite food. Be mindful of your physical space, your body, sensations your are experiencing. Be attentive to you and only you; your wants, needs, feelings, comforts, etc. Take a bath and allow yourself to relax. Your only responsibility right now is you have no responsibilities - if even for just a short while. Just do what you can to access some “me time” to do something you love to do and observe yourself. Take note of what you choose to do that brings you joy, why those things make you feel happy and fulfilled, how exactly these feelings and activities resonate with you. Record this in your Book of Shadows, as it is useful information to getting to yourself on a more intimate level. Learn to recognize this energy and get familiar with what it means to feel yourself. It can be easy to get lost. Centering can get you back, especially when you make these feelings more accessible to yourself.  To center, we’re going to go back to the exercise in the beginning; in a quiet place, meditate and rub your palms together - build up that energy between them again. When you pull your hands apart, you want to visualize this sensation. What color is it? What does it feel like? Is it light? Heavy? Is it vibrating? Focus on the pulsation and how it pushes against you. Allow it to move and grow. Picture it contracting and growing until you no longer can. Pull it in close to you, somewhere you can focus on it - many people use their solar plexus or heart chakras. This is the same energy you’re going to use to shield yourself. Instead of centering this energy, however, you’re going to push it out to envelope you. Visualization in your meditation and centering exercises should help with this; visualizing energy usually makes it easier for people to push it outward. Again, knowing what specifically makes this your protective energy will be useful - what color is it? Texture? Is it elemental? Perhaps your energy doesn’t feel like light, but water or air. Maybe white is a protective color to you or maybe green is, for Earth. Maybe your energy shield is a network of stars in the shape of your zodiac constellation. Maybe the outside is reflective, to reflect any negativity directed your way. Maybe its a shield of smoke, to conceal yourself. No matter what it looks like to you, just make sure it is yours. Don’t feel pressured to commit to something either - your idea of what these concepts look like will grow and change as much as you do.  Push this energy outward and around you, as if you are creating a protective bubble for yourself. To enhance the intensity of desired outcome, surround yourself with corresponding elements. Light white candles or wear black tourmaline. I personally like to use dragon’s blood incense or oils. There are many things you can do in tandem with any of these practices, so long as they make sense for you and are helping you to achieve your desired results. This shield will become stronger the more you do this and keep you protected from psychic attacks, curses and hexes, negative energy, and bad intent.  These exercises are all building blocks to unlocking great power within oneself, but they are also a great power on their own as well. Taking the time and patience to hone these skills will aid you in all your magical endeavors, whether through sharper focus, strong visual associations, enforced protective barriers, and/or knowing your true self above all else. Once you have established your abilities, you will be able to do them any time, anywhere and begin to play more with energy, both internal and external. In the follow up, I will focus on charging and programming. 

[everydayeveryday]

How to find your One True Love by Bo Sanchez

“Never make decisions when you’re discouraged. Make decisions only when you feel about yourself.”

“It takes time to discover your happiness. What may give you so much happiness later may, in the short-term, give you misery. So discern well.”

“We think that God’s will is found out there, somewhere in the stars. That’s not true. God’s will is found within.”

“Never choose in the presence of useless fears. First banish fear, and then choose out of love.”

“The success and the failure of your life is really up to you.”

“Marriage requires a lot of hard work, humility, patience, sacrificial love and the other stuff that we call character. And frankly, I feel that many singles don’t spend enough time growing their character.”

“You need to take a brutal inventory of your life, so you know what inner areas of your life you need to grow. And commit yourself to relentless spiritual and character growth.”

“Where there is no clarity of purpose, no great thing will be achieved.”

“I’ve long learned that God’s universe simple responds to what we want - clearly, repeatedly and passionately.”

“You don’t get the partner you deserve. You get the partner you think you deserve.”

“We teach people how to treat us - good or bad.”

“Unless he stands up against this manipulation, he’ll always feel trapped.”

“Unless they heal the wounds of the past, they will have a difficult time looking for and accepting a man in their lives.”

“Religious people can also be distancing themselves from potential spouses by insisting on rigid standards of religiosity that have nothing to do with real spirituality maturity.” 

“We looked and stumbled upon different people, and though they made us happy, they didn’t make us complete. For in the end, only you can make me whole, and only I can make you whole. And because we were meant to be for each other, no matter what we did or where we went, fate would bring us together. And on that historic day, I saw you. And my life has never been the same.”

“The more guys you meet, the better the possibilities - not only for marriage, but also for getting to know yourself, getting out of your shell, getting to know how to relate to the opposite sex and getting to serve others.”

“The more choices you have, the better for you.”

“I repeat: Praying is important. Trusting God is essential.””“Single life is a fantastic time to really live! To grow. To become the best person you can ever become. To experience all that life has to offer. Learn new skill, develop your interests, serve the poor, build new business, sell stuff, organize groups, meet new friends and do stuff together.”

“Because you don’t want to fall in love with someone you can’t be friends with.”

“Don’t get stuck with your type, because “your type” usually comes from your weakness - not from your strengths.”

“Sometimes, your “type” is your homing instinct kicking in. That means you’re trying to recreate your childhood home, even if “home” was problematic or painful.”

“When you can’t confront, you’ll be attracted to someone who doesn’t want to be confronted. It works like magic. You’ll be attracted to selfish guys who may be hiding big problems in their lives.”

“My point is to be careful whom your heart is attracted to. Don’t immediately follow your heart, but open yourself to people who are not your type even if, at first, you’re not attracted to them.”

“Never play with the heart of a woman. Never, never, never. I’ve seen some guys who like treating women extra special, saying stuff like “I really like you”, and “I feel very happy when I’m with you.” But they have no intention of pursuing her. These guys are sick.”

“And even if you had a lousy first meeting (as many first meetings usually are), try to give him a second chance - because people are multi-faceted, and he may show another side of himself that you’ll like.”

“You accept that there are still risks of getting hurt when you like someone (even just on a friendship level) and he doesn’t invite you again, it will still hurt. But that’s life. Unless you open yourself to the possibility of rejection, you won’t also open your possibility of rich friendships. Through these experiences, you’re forced to mature to the point where your self-worth does not depend on whether someone likes you, but whether you like yourself and believe that God loves you unconditionally.”

“But sometimes, it’s not so much the number of men, but their own psychological readiness. Going to a new place and having a new experience creates psychological changes in the person - making her ready to accept marriage.”

“It takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.”

“Listen. You don’t need a magical first moment to meet your potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, the ability to commit, compatible mission and values.”

“Because ladies, you don’t pursue men. You become attractive - and they pursue you.”

“The best sex appeal isn’t in your clothes but in your personality, your playfulness, your love for life.”

“When a woman has a positive outlook in life, she’s a magnet.”

“Fill your life with joy. Learn how to live life to the full. Besides, guys will have a hard time approaching you if they see you angry, depressed, moody, critical and negative. But happiness attracts.”

“It isn’t success that intimidates these good guys. It’s arrogance. When your success makes your head swell and you look down at everyone, you’re a major turnoff. It’s not your money or position. It’s the way you allowed money or position feed your ego. Be approachable. Listen to others. Acknowledge your ignorance outside your expertise. Ask help! Be soft and vulnerable. Be teachable. And most importantly, serve the small people. Be humble.”

“The key to being interesting is to be interested.”

“Have passions. Have beliefs/ Have preferences. From the very start, be your best self, but be yourself nonetheless.”

“A man will always hunger after what seems to be out of his reach. And he will value that which he sacrificed a lot to gain. And he will hold of little value to things he gained easily. In other words, a man is attracted to a woman who’s not looking for a man (in a desperate way). So allow him to pursue you.”

“Men get flattered that they’re being chased. But their eyes wander, looking for other prey hiding in the bushes far away.”

“You get what you settle for.”

“Run away from the guy who needs you to straighten out his life.”

“Emotional health means owning up to these weakness and working on them every day of our lives.”

“Mr. Right doesn’t have to be emotionally whole. (No one is.) Mr. Right just has to be on the journey - taking concrete steps to emotional health. If he’s not even in the journey, pass him up.”

“It’s not how much you earn, but how you multiply the savings of what you earn.”

“There are no guarantees in life, but if you marry someone who is morally upright today, the probability is high that he’ll morally upright tomorrow.”

“I’d choose a man whose faith is expressed in his morality rather than in his religiosity.” 

“Because true love sets the beloved free. This is the one weakness that destroys friendships faster than others: The desire to control others.”

“Because who you are  still speak more loudly than what you say.”

“He says that true love begins only when one falls out of love. Because true love has to be willed. There’s got to be a decision involved. While you’re in love with someone, love is involuntary. You just love. (The feeling of love falls on you like a brick from the sky hitting your head - wham! - and you don’t  know what hit you.) But when you fall out of love, and you still make a choice to love, then that’s the beginning of true love. And that’s the basis of marriage. Not romantic love.”

[heyitsmarysblog]

You are a fighter and warrior, you’ve got this Mary…

I have to admit that this pandemic really hits me the hardest and i do believe i already shared about this but right now i am finally slowly step by step having the courage to share and speak again.

I know that there where a lot who has been shocked about my sudden change what happened to “ica” where is “ica” to start it off i know i’ve already said this but i will said this again start calling me Mary because just as i said i am Mary.

I know for years i kept saying to addressed me as “ica” and now here i am telling you to addressed me as Mary because that’s my name not ica going back to that question to what happened to “ica” and where is “ica” the encourager and on fire why the sudden changes.

With this article or post your questions will be answered bare with me because this is a novel article or post i hope you stay till the end of this article or post so let’s start i was supposed to make a vlog about this stuff but i just couldn’t find the time and courage to vlog it that’s why i choose to write this way.

Answering the questions what happened during the pandemic where there is ecq, gcq and mecq all those stuff my faith and beliefs has been shaky in the latter part i was still worshipping, praying and devoted to God with my relationship with Jesus i was praying for my uncle but also depression hits me not only that i did several attempts and thoughts yes you read that one right and clear.

Off course i went with my silent battles i tried but i got lost of tracks i started developing trust issues that’s why i had a hard time to reach out to my support group, my mentor and spiritual families you all knew how religious i am back then i also know i dissapointed a lot even God because i was the encourager and active one yet i went and been through depression.

Why? I’ve been caught up and i’ve got a lot of loads in my plates my traumas from the past, family, trust issues, my horrible traumatic experiences, the bullying, rejection, my encounter and how i was treated on my former church, frustrations, anxieties, insecurities and depression even the unforgiveness in my heart.

Yes there where a lot who where and was been there but because of my trust issues i really had a hard time reaching out i remember how i ended up isolating myself how i diverted my attention watching netflix and kdrama series, karaoke, tiktok, working out.

As i watched 13 reasons why and finished every season i thought of myself i should have done the same thing “Hannah Baker” did a decade ago because what her character portrays almost the same of all the things i’ve been through how i was been bullied in high school, the embarrassment and humiliation i encountered due to the malfunction of my costume, how i was been entitled “darna” and been in a issue that i was been a third party which i was never was.

When how was this transferee student and his troup and the rest of the curriculum in our batch bullied me when he humiliated me by saying in front to our advisory class and our classmate that i was the first to get married and be pregnant on our batch one of the reason why i vow that i will never get married or be pregnant (because my uterus is inverted and i am not having any period) how my english teacher when i was freshmen humiliated me just because i was the only girl got the zero score on the quiz and when my specialist told me i have no talent maybe she’s right i couldn’t sing or dance just a frustrated singer and dancer i know it’s obvious.

How this transferee student when i was in high school in senior year humiliated me just because i got no choice but to cheat in our exam because i know nothing about the spanish class, how i was been underestimated during college and basically been bullied as well and when they told me if ain’t drinking that beer they wouldn’t help me with the dance steps anymore because it’s true that i don’t dance believe it or not you may see me with my tiktok dances where i am a trying hard it’s my bestfriend influence why i am in tiktok but in regards to dance or dancing i couldn’t do it i actually have a traumas with that as well even myself i am shock that i am dancing where clearly i am not a dancer.

I would say that maybe my specialist was right when she said i have no talent because i couldn’t sing, dance or even play piano or guitar i wanted to i tried and no i am not intelligent i suck in math real bad my english? Nah even though i write and vlog i barely have 66 subscribers and no readers my childhood dream that i couldn’t reach even my audition in pbb yes i widthraw my audition this year it also made me frustrated while i see someone i know reach and achieved her dreams don’t get me wrong i am sincerely happy i also know she been through lot before she reached it but i couldn’t help not to feel insecure plus i never got any moral support from my family with the things i wanted to pursue and achieved.

I choose to cut my ties to all my classmates and batchmate of high school and college i only have communication with my grade school buddies why because it frustrate me how successful there it’s been a decade yet here i am baby sitting my nephew still jobless that’s why i never involve myself with any forms of reunion not unless it’s my grade school buddies all of these hits me including my horrible traumatic experience when i almost got rape not just once but twice.

Among those two the one that was traumatic most is what i encountered 5 years ago although the person is already in heaven maybe and how i was been called a slanderous and how they sugar coated me i thought i already let go of all these things but i was wrong it even left me with the thought knowing that i am a 8 months premature baby and being in depression i wished that i didn’t survive knowing how and what i’ve been through for the past 25 years of my life.

Having depression and with these thoughts i only had my bestfriend and cousins with me also loosing my one and only close auntie on the day of Valentine’s Day everything started to fall apart i tried fighting this battle silently where i would cry it all out to God but one day i just find myself the fire and passion got lost i stopped worshipping and praying even doing my devotion a lot has triggered me being ghosted by whom i thought gonna be my first and last after what i experienced and encountered the wall that the person broke where i thought i already knew my value and just enjoying my season having a good testimony it was broken i stumble and fail.

Where i thought that my heart is renewed it has been cold and hardened again the walls and bricks became triple a lot of people thought this is the only reason why i have depression yes it is a part and one of the reason but it’s not just it although this person ask for forgiveness but at this point i can’t because of everything i was in pain and hurt with the words that this person or “taurus” couldn’t accept my bad sides and got tired where “taurus” was the reason there is a huge differences between seriousness and sureness i should have known.

With these i did and been through a lot of things that i am not proud i know i was and i am a failure and dissapointment to my mentor, support group, spiritual families specially to God i kept resisting and running away, avoiding His presence i diverted it in a wrong i started having vices (alcohol, tried to smoke, pornography, cursing) my anger management and temper i even went to psychiatrist i only had one meeting because i don’t have my own money and i was only able to buy few pieces of my medicines during those moments i thought and i can already feel that it was God the whole time why i couldn’t consitently do it.

However i’ve been resisting it my heart is and was been cold and hardened even though His been using a lot of people and that i can still feel His presence yet i run away and avoided everything i committed sins curses and cursing, vices (alcohol and smoking) went through a bar been watching porn and porn sites i even installed apps about horoscope listened through music and songs that are not worship i downloaded different genres of songs, watching adulting stuffs and series various of vlogs.

My mindset changes a lot with a thought of my preference changed somehow due to my horrible traumatic experience and encounters of rejections towards men i even downloaded apps and create various of dating profile accounts which i am not even active then i ended up deleting everything and installed bible app it’s been 2 years the last time i open my bible and have my devotion i even threw away on the river the bible that was been gifted to me of the one who ghosted me.

I am left with the question that can i still go back? Will i be still accepted and forgiven even i myself still can’t forgive and forget or even let go before this pandemic i wanted to ran away to be in Manila that’s the only place i wanted to be with even those moments when i was been bullied i didn’t want to see or face someone i knew but i always ended up being with the same circle of my past one thing i regret is that if only i was really be courageous enough to speak up and face confrontations i always run away and avoid.

Why because i know that my voice won’t matter and will never be heard that’s why i rather rant or write it i always have this mindset that i don’t want to leave this country if i will be leaving i want to left this city where it cost me painful and bad memories horrible and traumatic experiences i’ve been wanting to have a new environment alone and away in Manila never have i thought that i would agree on migrating soon in New Zealand to be with my frontliner sister and maybe then i will be able to finally move on and let go.

Where there is peace and joy however there is this question remains where i know that His presence never left me despite everything that i knew He has and will always has new mercies for me even thought i stumble and fail where i committed sins but i still find myself crying out, kneeling down before Him, praying and worshipping.

I couldn’t promise that it will be instanly go back after a day but step by step it’s been awhile the last time i did this but if you were able to came through this point thank you specially i am in awe and grateful for those God used as an instruments all this time although i always feel frustrated even with my journey and relationship with Him

Yet here i am having realize all of this that no matter how i run away, avoid, surrender and give up His presence remains and His love endures forever thank You for saving me and opening my eyes though i fail and sinned my love for You was never gone and Your love never change i don’t even deserve it but You give it.

Mary, you are a fighter and warrior you still got of fight left in you Mary you’ve got this because the Lord is with you the angels and heaven is backing you up and those people that God brought you.

Here i am Mary i hope the way you embraced “ica” is the same way you will embrace and accept me as Mary after all this is the name that God gave me Mary so for starters please call me Mary because that’s my name i am Mary for 3 years i lived myself as “ica” and created sorry just because i hated my name i invented the name “ica” which upon that name traumatic experiences happened however within the name “ica” i met people God brought me that will always be and has a special place in my heart yes i already said goodbye to “ica” let’s all say goodbye.

Now let’s welcome, embrace and accept Mary now i am ready to accept and love my own name Mary yes my name is Mary everyone and Mary we are now rising back up let’s continue our journey Mary remember you are a fighter and warrior Mary.

You’ve got this Mary you are not alone Mary Jesus is with you keep fighting Mary

[culturedsociety]

Culture Talks with Carolyn Blackmon

Carolyn, in English meaning Joy and Song of Happiness.

Over the last decade she’s been on a journey of healing and transformation. It’s been Incredible to look back and see how beauty does actually flourish through the ashes. What happened in her life; most definitely was birthed out of struggles, hardships, loss, depression, despair, and hopelessness. Looking back at her experiences and being In complete awe because of it. Her faith and belief in God changed when she realized that “the Creator Is ultimately in control and has the ability to take what Is broken and make It brand new.”

Her life verse Is Isaiah 61:1-3 “The spirit of the sovereign Lord Is upon me because the Lord has appointed me to provide for those who grieve, to bestow on them a crown of beauty Instead of ashes, the oil of gladness Instead of mourning, and a garment of praise Instead a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the lord for the display of his splendor.”

In her early twenties, she was extremely lost. Battling a severe eating disorder, alcoholism, depression, and sadness. She worked and pursued many things to distract herself from reality and to try to fill voids. The more destruction that she caused to her body, mind, and spirit’ the harder life became. One day after a big awakening, she had to make the choice and ask herself the hard question “Carolyn Do you want to live?” She knew at that very moment; she was not living, she was just surviving. 

She made the bold decision to pack her car and move alone from WI to AZ. The land of the sun became a place of healing for her. She found yoga there. She began her vegan plant based eating, and learned to nourish her body again after starving it for so long of vital nutrients it needed to thrive. She found joy through volunteering and serving. She found god again and was re-baptized. But most importantly, found her self again.

Reflecting back to Fall of 2015 when she lost her best friend and mother to Cancer. It was as though her entire world and perspective changed about the value and gift that each day offers. She started to travel more and continued doing mission work that her mother supported the few years before she passed. She began seeking more and wanting more lead to healing the parts of her that were still broken.

In 2017, she traveled to Hawaii for her first yoga teacher training; which led her to step into a more passion and purposed filled path. This became a daily mission and allowed her the ability to circulate her gifts more responsibly. Her hope is to bless lives and help others heal, love, grow, and live their best life. To inspire them to live a life that brings an Abundance of joy, fulfillment, and higher purpose.

Take a deep dive into Carolyn’s mind:

RM: What is your Life’s Philosophy? CB: (Philosophy is an overall vision or attitude toward life and the purpose of it. Human activities are limited by time and death). I believe that we were all created in the image of God and we are each placed on Earth with our own individual and unique purpose. We are here to connect with nature, humans, animals, and to enjoy all of what God has created. We are here to not only soak in the beauty and light and spread it to others but to also use the darkness (whether it be our own struggles, lessons learned, trails, pain, suffering, etc) and use it to Glorify God? What does that mean? To use the wisdom gained, lessons learned, and the power of our testimony and story to shine the light of awareness upon all giving birth to Hope and helping others receive the healing power of Forgiveness.

RM: How has that philosophy evolved over the years? CB: Yes. I tell people that there was a line I drew that separated my old life and my new life. My old life included a long season of walking down the wrong path that ultimately was leading me down into hole. When I fell on my knees and surrendered and “woke” up. It hit me that I wasn’t living the life God planned for me. I was doing many things that I do believe helped me grow and get educated and led me to where I am today. I was drowning in depression, shame, low self esteem, and I didn’t practice self love.

Moving to AZ was the acceleration I needed to begin my rebirth process. I began serving others and finding joy in giving back for it made me realize that others had it harder than myself. I had a lot to be grateful for that I took for granted. Fast forward a few more years and I lost my Beloved Mother to Cancer. It made me realize that there is no time to waste. We are not promised tomorrow. We have a responsibility. Going through that loss changed my perspective on life and our time here on Earth.

I felt urgency. I felt my calling knocking on the door. I had to loose to gain so much more. I feel that my philosophy included being a good person, and working for what you want was so general….but over the years it’s evolved and things have been added and my life’s philosophy has gotten so complex. Creation. Calling. Service. Travel. Community. Collaboration. Healing. Purpose Filled Life

RM: How has your upbringing and circle of influence impacted the way you live and think about life today? CB: I grew up in a loving Christian home. My family members on both sides had good morals in their and the way they lived their lives was simple and consistent. I spent a lot of time in the Church. My parents Marketing business taught me so much as a young adult and I really absorbed a lot of it. My Grandpa Bood was my giver of Wisdom.

My circle of influence has really shifted in the last few years to be non-family members. Those that are where I want to be and who are doing what I am doing in their own way with their own talents. My circle of influence has been students, strangers, people I have met on travels, social media, and those that are in my tribe. It’s interesting to see how my relationships have changed and the type of people I have attracted and also been gravitated towards has changed as I have evolved and transformed and grown. My inner work has changed the way I function in relationships and I am still exploring how to have healthy boundaries as one who tends to be naïve, vulnerable, and who pours her heart and soul into everything.

RM: Do you believe that your line of work infects our society with positivity? How so? CB: When I am doing my work as a yoga instructor I try my best to step into the spaces where I am Leading classes and spread good energy that is uplifting and positive but I also know that people arrive on their mat with all different things that they are struggling with and going through and I never want to diminish that. I try to share themes that are relevant and helpful and inspiring because I really want everyone who interacts with me to leave with something that they can take with them. When they gain and grow and are blessed then so am I.

When I nanny and work with kids they give me an abundance of Joy and so I always try to pour back into the parents and thank them for the opportunity to enter into their home and spend time with them. I’ve worked jobs where felt like at the end of the day I was complaining about what I had to deal with or contend with and then I would wake up in a bad mood and that’s really a horrible cycle. I am thankful grateful that I am now an Independent Contractor and get to choose who I work with so that makes it easier but aside from that we all have a choice to make in regards to our attitude!

RM: How do you stay relevant, unique, and true to who you are as a person? CB: Let go of Comparison. It’s interesting because over the years as I became more at rest and confident in who I was and accepting of who God created me to be it made it easier to accept my path which is a lot different than many as well as accept my timeline which was not what I anticipated. I have started to become more of my own person….my tendencies and quirks have come to the surface unapologetically. Yes I am still Single…Yes I get excited over the Big Bowl Of Greens I eat everyday. My music selection changes drastically with my Mood. I could care less about TV and Material items….and I could go on and on.

The morning ritual I do sets the tone for my day. I tap into a passage or quote and scripture that I need to tell myself it’s like a treasure hunt and I get my coffee fix and take the time I need for myself and that way I’m more grounded and not shaken up or swayed or torn up by whatever may come at me and I feel that has given me the opportunity to respond better and hold my ground and keep healthy boundaries. I use to operate on not enough sleep and being stressed and hurried and then I would cave in to many things that ultimately didn’t serve myself or others well.

RM: Do you believe that the work you do everyday is aligned with your calling and higher purpose? CB: Absolutely and I want more and I am committed to continue to learn and grow and gain a deeper understanding and have more knowledge in the realm of yoga. The more spaces and places I enter and the more people that I connect and collaborate with the more lives I can touch and the more inspired I will be. This last year I started to share my content on a podcast and that was something I never imagined I would do and for a girl that use to be incredibly shy I never thought I would be on the stages I am on. It blows my mind and I am soooo appreciative.

What practices do you implement to stay grounded and divinely connected to self? CB: Guided Meditation. Yoga Nidra. Yoga. Nature. Travel. Writing. Music. Sharing wisdom with the world. Dancing. Music. Balance Healthy Clean Eating. Sharing Feelings and openly communicating with my support system. Spending a lot of time alone, while remaining connected with others.

Connect with Carolyn: Facebook Instagram

Collaboratively Written by: Carolyn Blackmon and Rebecca Muñoz

Grow this Channel & Circulate the energy of LOVE by donating: Paypal Cash app Venmo

[adrianodiprato]

+ “Each of us has a unique part to play in the healing of the world.” ― Marianne Williamson | Author The Law of Divine Compensation

This Is Your Moment | Calling

As you pursue the work you were born to do, you step into the profound space of your inner truth, your calling. Your calling is at the intersection of pursuing what you are good at, at feeling deep appreciation of your value, and at believing your work is making an impact in the lives of the other.

Your calling is the deep place of the courage to live your truth, born from your ‘why’, your self-actualisation. The problem is that most people would rather live within the helplessness of comfortable lies, than the courageousness of uncomfortable truths. Your true calling is ignited by hope and love, not fear and self-loathing.

Before you know it, you’ll be asking, “How did it get so late so soon?” You’ve had time to figure yourself out, this life calling. You’ve taken the time to realise what you want and need. You’ve taken time to even take risks. Taken time to love, laugh, cry, learn, and forgive. Therefore, have you realised that life is shorter than it often seems? This is your moment to honour your calling.

“I believe there's a calling for all of us. I know that every human being has value and purpose. The real work of our lives is to become aware. And awakened. To answer the call.” ― Oprah Winfrey

I believe what comes after identifying your calling is what really matters. So, here are ten things I suggest you need to know, before it’s too late ‘to answer your call’:

A lifetime isn’t very long. This is your life, and you’ve got to fight for it. Fight for what’s right. Fight for what you believe in. Fight for what’s important to you. Fight for the people you love, and never forget to tell them how much they mean to you. Realize that right now you’re fortunate because you still have a chance. So, stop for a moment and think, what am I really doing? There are only so many times you can say to yourself “I’ll start it tomorrow”.

Behind every beautiful life, there has been some kind of pain. You have fallen, you have made poor choices, you have lived, you have learnt. You’re human, not perfect. You’ve been hurt, you have hurt, but you’re alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we’re hurt, for we will never know what is waiting for us just around the bend. Pain is real, suffering is optional.

Failures are only lessons. Good things come to those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they’ve tasted failure, to those who still love even though they’ve been hurt. So never regret anything that has happened in your life; it cannot be changed, undone or forgotten. These are life lessons, move on.

The sacrifices you make today will pay dividends in the future. When it comes to working hard to achieve a dream, earning a qualification or any other personal achievement takes real commitment. One thing you have to ask yourself is, are you content just breathing?

When you procrastinate, you become a slave to yesterday. So do something right now that your future self will thank you for. Trust me, tomorrow will thank you for starting something today.

You are your most important relationship. Happiness is when you feel good about yourself without feeling the need for anyone else’s approval. You must first have a healthy relationship with yourself before you can have a healthy relationship with others. You have to feel worthwhile and acceptable in your own eyes, so that you’ll be able to look confidently into the eyes of the people around you and be able to serve others in an authentic way.

A person’s actions speak the truth. You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times; but in the end, it’s always through their actions you’ll realise their intent and character. Pay attention to what people do. Their actions will tell you everything you need to know.

Small acts of kindness can make the world a better place. Never lose your tenderness and vulnerability. They are a real strength of yours. Utilise them to be kind to others. Kindness is the only investment that never fails. Learn to embrace the power of giving. And never underestimate the true gift that your smile brings.

Honour the time of experience. Never lose sight of those who are your greatest champions. The best kinds of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people that love you, simply for being you. They too have emotionally invested into your existence. People come and go, but one constant in life is a handful of individuals that these types of people should never be taken for granted. They are once in a lifetime kind of people.

This moment is your life. Your life is not between the moments of your birth and death. Your life is between now and your next breath. The present, the here and now, is all the life you ever get. So, live each moment in full, in kindness and peace, without fear and regret. Do the best you can with what you have in this moment; because that is all you can ever expect of anyone, including yourself.

“Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic self-hood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks–we will also find our path of authentic service in the world.” ― Parker Palmer

You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be whole. You came here to be gorgeously human, flawed and fabulous. So, what voice are you listening to today? Turn off all the negative white noise and listen to all that is possible, that is your calling.

It is time to open your door to your possibility not your passivity. It is your time to find your ‘authentic self-hood’, your inner calling to be truly 'whole’, valued and in service of the other. Your moment in life is now. Fight for the right of your calling to have the oxygen to flourish.

You decide. Choose courage over comfort. Give yourself permission to triumph. This is your moment.  

Image: Marist Solidarity Immersion in Pailin, Cambodia | 2017

[songtoyou]

Chapter Two: Never Enough

Would You Call That Love

Pairing: Chris Evans x Raina Morrison (OC) 

Rating: PG to PG-13 (Might be 18+ for some chapters)

Description: There was always one person Chris Evans tended to turn to when he was not in a committed relationship, Raina Morrison. He could confide in her about things going on in his life that he did not feel comfortable talking to his family or close friends about. Chris and Raina were able to establish a way to communicate with one another openly but also being respectful of the other’s time and needs. It was the only constant “relationship” he had, but without all the nonsense of trying to build a life together. A “friends with benefits” situation. However, what happens when Chris starts rethinking his “relationship” with Raina and if either is willing to pursue something more?

Chapter Rating: PG with mild swearing

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3,630

Author’s Note: I hoped those who ‘liked’ the previous chapter enjoys this one as well. I went back and made one little change in the first chapter. No longer is Raina a fan of the Seattle Mariners or Seattle Seahawks, but a Mets/Giants fan. Instead of having Raina grow up in Washington State, she grew up in New York on Long Island. It just made more sense location-wise for her to “closer” to Chris. I also changed something that happened during the summer of 2016 that involved another MCU actor. Let me know what you think. Feedback is always welcomed.

Sadly, I do not know Chris Evans or anyone in his family, and this is just a fictional take on his life. I do not permit this fic to be reposted on other platforms. 

Thank you to @southerngracela​ for your support! :)

*Updated for grammar edits.

July 2019

"Christopher Robert Evans! Come here!" yelled his mother, Lisa Evans.

"What, Ma?" Chris asked when he entered her kitchen and replied, "Whatever happened? I assure you that it was Scott who did it."

"Would you stop? You aren't in trouble. Sit down for a sec." Lisa told her oldest son. 

Taking a seat at the kitchen table next to his mother, Chris asked, "Why are you on the laptop? You hate using the computer."

"I do, but you need to send Raina some flowers to celebrate her big opening night on Broadway. You were planning on getting her something, right?" inquired Lisa as she turned the laptop over to Chris for him to look through different flower arrangements. 

"Uh…I don't know, Ma. I am sure you will pick out something great."

Lisa gave Chris a knowing look and said, "Chris, you spend more time with Raina than the rest of us. You know her likes and dislikes. Now come on, look at the arrangements and pick which one she would like best."

Chris groaned and turned away from his mother to roll his eyes. His mother's behavior was not unusual to always insinuate that Raina was more than a friend to Chris. Well, she was, but that did not mean his mother had to know all of the dirty details. Despite what people might think of the confessed mama's boy, Chris did not always share everything with Lisa.  

"Don't get her flowers…" Chris began, but Lisa cut him off.

"Chris! Why not?"

"It would be better to get Raina chocolate, cookies, or brownies. Something edible. Just not cupcakes because she doesn't like them. Call them overrated. Trust me. She'd prefer to have food over flowers," informed Chris.

"Great. You choose something for Raina while I give Carly a call. Choose something good," Lisa ordered as she got up from the table and exited the kitchen. 

As Chris perused the website's items, he knew what to get Raina when he saw the object: a personalized gigantic caramel toffee fortune cookie. It was perfect. Not only was it giant, but it was dipped in decadent caramel with fatty toffee bits sprinkled on top and drizzled with dark chocolate. Raina would love it. 

"Ma! Come here and look at this! What do you think?"

Lisa entered the kitchen once again. She was still talking on the phone with Carly.

"Chris, whatever you get, Raina, it will be great."

"What should I put on the card since it is from all of us?" asked Chris with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"No. Just have it be from you. Scott and I already picked out a nice flower arrangement from the two of us for Raina," Lisa informed Chris nonchalantly and added, "Carly is wondering if you could watch the kids this weekend?"

Chris was amazed at his mother's crafty scheme. She had that way about her. 

"I'll text her that it isn't a problem, and I know what you are doing."

Lisa feigned an innocent look. "What are you talking about?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out an exasperated sigh, Chris said, "Ma, it isn't like that with Raina, okay. We are just friends. Nothing more. We can't be anything more. It would ruin what we have already. Plus, we both don't necessarily want the same things. She has shared with me that she doesn't see herself having kids. I want kids, someday." 

Lisa put her hands up in mock defeat. She was not going to press Chris press about his hidden feelings for Raina. He was an adult, after all. However, as a mother, it was hard not to step in and help her children no matter what they were dealing with at the time. 

"Just be sure to write something heartfelt and sweet in the gift message," ordered Lisa and got up once again left the kitchen.

Now alone, Chris looked over the textbox space to put his message for Raina's gift. He typed and retyped what to write to her. Taking a deep breath, Chris let his inhibitions go and proceeded to write honestly about how he felt.

Raina,

You bring so much joy and love to my existence. I know it would not be the same If I did not have you in my life. You help keep me centered in this crazy world of ours, and I always know I can count on you if I need anything. I am so proud of you. Your determination, hard work, and motivation in achieving your dreams have always inspired me. Sometimes I wished you could see yourself through my eyes because then you would realize how special you are to me. I hope you know much. I appreciate and love you so much.

Love,

Chris

With the gift now ordered and soon to be on its way, there was no going back. 

"1, 2, 3, and 4! Turn! Kick leg up! Cross and dip!" shouted the choreographer and added, "Let's do it again from the top!"

Trying to catch her breath, Raina got back into position next to her co-star, Aaron Tveit. The two have been working on this project for the past three years. It amazed them both how everything started at a workshop lab, to a small theater production in Boston, to debut the show on Broadway. It was a dream come true for everyone involved. 

For Raina, it was a check-off on her list of career accomplishments. While Raina had been offered different roles for Broadway productions in the past, she never accepted the offers. She was either too busy promoting and touring for her albums. Or the parts offered merely did not appeal to her. Raina was cautious about particular projects and took her time in making decisions on which to pursue or decline. That would often lead to arguments with people at her record company or management as one or the other would tell Raina that she was not reaching her full potential as a star. But the Long Island native never wanted to be "famous for being famous." She was not the type to freely give out information about her private life to maintain relevancy with the press or fans. She wanted her work to speak for itself.  

A child prodigy gifted in music, Raina has set her sights on impacting the world through song. Her parents, George and Marie, often worried about the precocious little girl when she would hold herself up in her room for hours and hours a day practicing on her guitar or keyboard while jotting down lyrics.

When Raina was 14 years old, she was discovered by her first manager, Jerry Sullivan, at the annual New York State Fair. Jerry was taken aback by the young girl's mature voice as she sang Reba McEntire's classic hits, "Why Haven't I Heard from You" and "Fancy." He immediately introduced himself to Raina and her parents.

Although skeptical, both George and Marie agreed to a formal meeting with Jerry to discuss their daughter's future. After all, they did not want their only child to get screwed over by some conman. Thankfully, Jerry turned out to be legit and had been in the music industry for 20 years as an artists and repertoire (A&R) personnel at Columbia Records.

"Not many talented singers I have seen in all my years in the music have what Raina has. She has 'it' and could go far," said Jerry.

"Oh, I don't want to be famous," little Raina spoke up and continued, "I just want to make music."

Jerry just beamed with happiness, "That is a great answer, little one. You have your priorities. That is important in this industry. You don't ever want to lose sight of why you started in the first place."

"Trust me, I won't," replied Raina with a toothy smile.

Unfortunately, it was hard to remain authentic in the music industry. Too many times, someone would try to mold Raina into who they thought she should be. She never wanted to be placed in a box or confined to one style of music. All Raina ever wanted to be was Raina.

"1, 2, 3, and 4! Turn! Kick leg up! Cross and dip!" repeated the choreographer, "Great job, everyone. Let us take a ten-minute break. Raina and Aaron, they need another costume fitting."

"I swear, I am at a point where I could do the choreography in my sleep," Aaron joked as he walked with Raina to the fitting area.

Raina let out a chuckle, "Isn't that the truth."

With rehearsals finally coming to an end for the day, Raina gathered her belongings, said her goodbyes, and headed home. Thankfully, her Tribeca apartment was only 15 minutes away from the Al Hirschfeld Theatre. Frank, Raina's driver, greeted her as he opened the black Cadillac Escalade's back door.

"How were rehearsals today, Miss Raina?" 

"Not too bad," Raina shared with her driver, "I think once the show is finally open to the public, everything will be…a lot easier to handle."

"You're going to be great. The previews of the show went very well, as you mentioned," Frank reminded Raina and asked, "Who you got coming to see you on opening night? I'm taking my wife and youngest daughter to see it before she heads off to school in late August."

It was not uncommon for Frank and Raina to have an easy rapport with one another. Frank was a talker, while Raina was quieter and preferred to listen to his stories about growing up in Queens or his family that consisted of a loving wife and three daughters. Despite enjoying Frank's company, Raina knew that she still had to keep herself wary and not allow herself to be caught off guard. Sadly, her past experiences when allowing others into her world, both private and public, left her feeling burned. Raina learned how to be a master at changing the subject from herself to the other person prying into her personal life. 

"Aw! That is wonderful. Where is Alisha headed off to again? Cornell?" asked Raina while thinking, 'Hook line and sinker.'

"Brown University in Providence. Got a full academic scholarship."

"That's wonderful. At least your daughter won't be too far from home. I kind of wish I went to college but never had the time with everything else going on."

"Oh, come on now. I'd say you turned out well. Not everyone needs to go to college to be successful. With Alisha, she always had her sights on pursuing a career in archaeology. By attending Brown, she will have access to the best research and educators the country has to offer."

"Well, if she is anything like her father, then she's got the charms to take the world by storm."

When Frank finally reached the building of Raina's apartment, he proceeded to step out to open her door, but she stopped him and said, "I got it, Frank."

"You sure?" he questioned. 

"Yeah. Tell your wife and daughter I said 'hello.' Bye, Frank. See you tomorrow."

"Okay. Have a nice night, Raina."

Upon entering the apartment building, Raina was greeted by the concierge, Winston.

"Hi, Winston. How are you?" asked Raina to make polite conversation as she strode into the lobby.

"Very well, ma'am. Thank you for asking."

Raina cringed at being referred to as "ma'am" despite being two-decades younger than Winston; however, she knew he was only polite and professional. Stopping by to check her mail at the cluster of mailboxes, there was only advertisements and bills. Closing the mailbox with a loud sigh, Raina walked towards the elevator to head up to her penthouse apartment. 

The Tribeca apartment was such a great find as the penthouse had its own intimate and homey feel. The condo's main floor greeted guests with an open space kitchen-living room area with a fireplace and powder room. Floor-to-ceiling arched windows dominated the living room, allowing natural light to seep through in the morning and afternoon. Overall, it was ample space for when Raina wanted to entertain her close friends. She was able to accommodate overnight guest stays with two sky-lighted bedrooms with one main bathroom. One floor up was where the master suite was located with floor-to-ceiling French doors that led to a landscaped terrace that included a hot tub, outdoor kitchen, along with fantastic sunset and nighttime views of the Tribeca skyline. 

It was a place where Raina felt at home and safe from the prying eyes of the paparazzi or overzealous admirers. Thankfully, the majority of Raina's fans respected her privacy and knew the importance of boundaries.

Unfortunately, only Raina's name was associated with fellow celebrities that things could get out of hand and overrun with speculations. For instance, in the early years of her friendship with Chris, both fandoms speculated if they were more than friends. Whereas with the media, they were relentless in their prying for more information about the two stars. Luckily, it was a dilemma that the two friends worked hard to overcome. The bond that grew between Chris and Raina was not something either experienced with other people. It was unique in how relatively normal both felt around each other. There were no pretenses the friends had to follow or any egos getting in the way. 

Sad that the same could not have been applied to Raina's last relationship. The media scrutiny and the online abuse/harassment from the actor's fanbase became too much for Raina to handle that she eventually had to end the relationship prematurely. It was not something that she wanted to do as she cared for the man very much. He was sweet, charming, handsome, and treated Raina with respect. He became someone Raina could confide in outside of her inner circle. She was lucky to have met him at President Barack Obama's final White House Correspondents' Dinner back in April 2016. 

'What might have been? Where would my life be if I had stayed with Tom?' Raina often thought.

After taking a quick shower, Raina changed into baggy sweats and a fitted tank top. Stretching out on the couch, she searched through Netflix and selected season five of Schitt's Creek to watch. It was her go-to show that she liked to watch at the end of the day. The crazy antics of the Rose family always helped her relax and ease her anxious mind. 

"Oh, David Rose, you are a precious little bean, wrapped in uncertainty and apprehension about the world, aren't you? I connect with you on a spiritual level," Raina commented to herself.  

Chris was a bag of nerves ever since he ordered Raina that gift. It was not so much the gift that was causing him to have anxiety, but the message inside the present. 

He let it all out in that gift message and was mostly worried about what Raina would make of his words. For instance, would she read them and express the same sentiment, revealing that Chris's feelings were more profound than mere friends. However, what if Chris's words caused her to be upset and that she would not be able to return his feelings in fear of losing their friendship. 

'Or she just doesn't love you the way you might want her to,' thought Chris apprehensively.  

Now, Chris was beginning to worry that he might have overstepped his boundaries with Raina. 'Why did you have to go and develop deeper feelings for her. I knew our whole friends with benefits wasn't a good idea. 

Nothing good ever comes from that arrangement,' he scolded himself while taking Dodger out for a walk on his property. Chris hoped that the cool night air would help relieve the tension and worry he was feeling. It was either a walk or a cigarette, and he promised both his mother and Raina that he would no longer partake in the nasty habit. 

The dynamic of Chris and Raina's friendship was a unique one. She was one of the very few that Chris allowed in his world. Over the years, Raina had become acquainted with his close friends from Massachusetts and individual family members outside of his mother, father, brother, and sisters. It was not unusual for Raina to attend one of his Uncle Mike's campaign rallies. That always got the fans on social media talking and wondering if there was something more than friendship between the two. 

Chris and Raina's responses were always the same, "We are just friends." It was their go-to answer for years.

It was not until mid-2014 when they decided to add a new element to their friendship: sex. 

What started as a fun hookup turned into a full-fledged agreement. For Chris, it was liberating to be with someone sexually with no strings attached. For Raina, she felt safe and comfortable with Chris. There was genuine respect and trust the two had for one another that when sex added to the mix, it did not cause a lot of complications, surprisingly. They took the time to set guidelines and go over expectations that both could abide by and not ruin the aspect of their friendship. 

Their guidelines included:

Be transparent with one another as possible. Be open to compromises.

Be open to communicating with your partner.

Never be judgmental.

Be open about what is off-limits and what is acceptable. 

Conversations or decisions cannot be one-sided.

Make sure each partner is on the same page.

Check-in with one another. Ask each other about how things are going and how the individual is feeling about the arrangement.

Develop a PR strategy for when friends or family members ask questions about the status of your relationship.

Ground rules: staying over is optional, breakfast in the morning is acceptable, no booty calls as it demeans the overall friendship, and friend-dates are suitable.

Even when Chris was in a serious relationship with Minka or Jenny, he could revert to his non-sexual friendship with Raina. Chris never quite understood how Raina could adapt so quickly whenever he had a new romantic partner. He honestly would not know how he would react if Raina showed up one day with a boyfriend on her arm. 

'Liar! You'd flip your shit!' Chris thought, which he did when Raina was rumored to be dating fellow MCU actor Tom Hiddleston back in 2016. Both had been photographed together numerous times during outings and events.

'Six-months of Hell,' Chris bitterly referred that time. 

The crazy thing about that time is that Raina did not share anything with him about her relationship with Tom. She kept it all to herself even after they broke up. 

"Why does she keep that part of her life secret from me?" Chris asked himself as he walked up the steps on his front porch with Dodger following suit.

"Because it is none of your business how Raina's relationships go down," a voice spoke up, startling Chris.

"Holy shit, Scott! What the fuck are you doing out here?" yelled Chris as he stood in front of his little brother. 

Scott replied with a shit-eating grin on his face, "Just getting some fresh air and enjoying the sunset. What have you been up to?"

"Don't change the subject. Why do you automatically assume I am talking about Raina? For all you know, I could have been referring to Shanna," Chris retorted back defiantly as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the porch railing. 

However, Scott was not falling for what his brother was trying to sell. "Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Chris," Scott reprimanded and continued, "I know you and Raina have had a friend with benefits situation going on for the last five years. Of course, only when neither of you was in relationships with other people, that is."

"How the fuck did you know about that?" questioned Chris. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.

"Well, I had my speculations, but your reaction just now confirmed everything. What the fuck were thinking. Nothing good comes out of a friend with benefits relationship. Hell, I could have told you that while also saving you the eventual heartbreak that will eventually happen. So again, I ask, what the fuck were you thinking?" 

Letting out a huge sigh, Chris moved to sit next to Scott on the porch swing. "I was thinking…that this is someone who I love and care about, you know. At first, the arrangement was, I don't want to say that it was just for fun. With Raina, it felt like a natural progression for our friendship. I don't know. I guess maybe…"

"You hoped that it could turn into something more down the road," Scott finished for his brother. 

"Yeah. I felt we were getting to that point, but Raina kept pulling back, you know. Like, she was too scared to move in that direction with me,' Chris confessed as he leaned back on the porch swing. 

Scott continued to stare at Chris as he contemplated what to say next. He felt terrible for his older brother and realized Chris's dilemma.

"I wish I could give you some sage advice, but honestly, I am at a loss on what you should do. Raina is special to you. To all of us. But, no one can deny that she has always had a little hold on your heart. The sad thing is that I don't think the poor thing fully understands the effect she has on you. All I can say is to tread carefully. Don't do anything rash," advised Scott and got up to go into the house.

'Too late.' Chris thought to himself. 

"Fuck it! I need a cigarette." 

[rucbarthatbowtiesarecooldw]

Sunday Morning Session

Elder Garrit W. Gong

- Come believe and belong

- When we covenant all we are we can become all we are.

- By losing our worldly selves in covenant belonging, we find our best selves

- God’s ordinances provide guideposts on the covenant path

- 1 covenant belonging centers in Jesus Christ as mediator in the new covenant

- To belong by covenant is: that i may be comforted by the

- We may lose faith in God, but he never loses faith in us. In other words, His porch light is always on.

- However often we stumble and fall. . . . God will be there for us

- 2 the Book of Mormon is evidence we can hold in our hand

Sister Cristina B Franco

- His work and His glory is to enable each of us to receive all of His blessings.

- As His hands we are important to His plan

- It is very simple: every day before I leave my house I pray to Heavenly Father to lead me to someone who needs the gospel in their life.

- I’m smiling because I’m happy

- “1 we can all pray for the desire to help with the work

- 2 we can keep the commandments ourselves, faithful members will always have the spirit with them

- 3 we can pray for inspiration of what we can do to share the gospel with others”

- “how great shall be your joy” - D&C 18:10,15-18

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

- The journey will be challenging, even dangerous. The possibility that he might not return is great, but the adventure is calling.

- We were also invited to go on an adventure, and would go through many sorrows and trials along the way.

- We accepted the challenge to go on our own great adventure of “there and back again”.

- On this adventure the path holds many hills, and holes, and metaphorically even spiders, trolls and even a dragon or two

- 1 you need to choose to incline your heart to God, strive each day to find Him, learn to love Him. And then let that love inspire you to learn and follow his teachings and keep God’s commandments.

- 2 Discipleship is not about doing things perfectly, it’s about doing things intentionally.

- God loves you no less when you struggle than when you triumph.

- It is your choices that show what you truly are, far more than your abilities - Dumbledore

- Discipleship is like learning to play the piano - at first you can barely even play chopsticks! But as you practice you can get better

- 3 take upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ, and not being ashamed of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ.

- True disciples love God and His children without expectation of anything in return

- When you fill your heart with discipleship you leave no room for anger, judgement, or shaming.

- Come and see, find out for yourself how the path of discipleship will be rewarded. Come and stay.

- God does not need to sell the restored gospel. You merely need to not hide it under a bushel.

- If you and I have felt the stirrings to share the joy of gospel living, today is the day to join the Savior on his path of discipleship.

- It is time to begin.

- Come and see what this marvelous and adventurous journeys all about. Along the way you will find Christ.

- Now is the time to commit fully to seeking God

Elder Walter F Gonzalez

- “Lord if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean” - our Savior always wants to bless us

- Whatever the result, His will will be the best for you.

- As we come unto him, God will come to our rescue, weather to heal us or to help us through hard circumstances

- Jesus Christ is a God of Love, hope, healing. He wants us to be clean.

- In Nazareth, the narrow road, That tires the feet and steals the breath, Passes the place where once abode The Carpenter of Nazareth. And up and down the dusty way The village folk would often wend; And on the bench, beside Him, lay Their broken things for Him to mend. The maiden with the doll she broke, The woman with the broken chair, The man with broken plough, or yoke, Said, “Can you mend it, Carpenter?” And each received the thing he sought, In yoke, or plough, or chair, or doll; The broken thing which each had brought Returned again a perfect whole. So, up the hill the long years through, With heavy step and wistful eye, The burdened souls their way pursue, Uttering each the plaintive cry: “O Carpenter of Nazareth, This heart, that’s broken past repair, This life, that’s shattered nigh to death, Oh, can You mend them, Carpenter?” And by His kind and ready hand, His own sweet life is woven through Our broken lives, until they stand A New Creation—“all things new.” The shattered [substance] of [the] heart, Desire, ambition, hope, and faith, Mould Thou into the perfect part, O, Carpenter of Nazareth!”

Elder Gary E. Stevenson

- kids painted dog

- Confused skunk with kitten lol

- Do we sometimes confuse satan with a black and white cat instead of a skunk?

- Command the enemy of your soul to go away. “Get thee hence satan”

- You have been blessed with the gift of Heavenly help

- We have prophets

- Scriptures

- Prayer

- Through His servants God speaks to us

- He gives them commandments designed to lead us to Him

- Satan always pretends to be something he is not, tries to pass things off as not evil, disguises consequences of sin as something else. . . Camouflages dark things as something that is fine

- “Wickedness never was happiness”

- Spirit speaketh truth and lieth not

President Russell M. Nelson

- Love God and love your neighbors

- includes those of other faiths or beliefs

- I.E. EVERYONE

- Church is service and helping others

- Go hungry to help others who are hungry

- Give all you have +more

- Service: helping everyone

- Refugees

- Hungry people

- EVERYONE

- Charities

- Charity is the PURE LOVE of CHRIST

- small part of the global humanitarian aid and outreach of the Church of Jesus Christ

- Because of YOUR helping hands

- Latter-Day Saints build strong families and communities, wherever they live

- Our greatest joy comes from helping our brothers and sisters

- Caring for others as much or more than we care for ourselves is our joy.

- Living that second great commandment is the key to becoming a true disciple of Jesus Christ.

Side note AGAIN.

All of the apostles agree on what is said in conference. Their views do not differ one from the other. They are servants who all speak the word of God in unison. They have different ways of speaking as they are from different walks of life, some more straightforward, others with kinder tones. BUT THEY ALL SPEAK THE TRUTHS OF GOD UNIFIED IN HIS WORK AS HIS SERVANTS.

[miss-spooky-eyes]

Too Much Information: Character Interview

I was tagged by @verbose-vespertine​ and thought I’d give it a go ...

► Name ➔  “I have many titles, but only one name: Ellezhi." ► Are you single ➔  “I am ... not." ► Are you happy ➔  “I don't believe happiness is the goal of a Jedi. Nor is it readily compatible with a life lived at the forefront of a galactic war. But there are things - people - in my life which bring me so much joy.” ► Are you angry ➔  “I experience anger, but I try not to embrace it.” ► Are your parents still married ➔ “I have no information about my biological parents. I was told a Chiss woman arranged for me to be smuggled into Republic space as an infant, but whether or not she was my mother, or what happened to her afterwards, I can’t say."

NINE FACTS ► Birth Place ➔ “Somewhere in the Chiss Ascendancy, presumably." ► Hair Color ➔  “A very dark midnight blue. Almost black.” ► Eye Color ➔  “Red, naturally.” ► Birthday ➔ “Birthdays are not, strictly speaking, a Jedi custom. Besides, I don’t know what mine is.” ► Mood ➔ “I am focused.” ► Gender ➔ “Female.” ► Summer or winter ➔ “It depends on the planet, surely. But as a general rule, winter. I like the cold.” ► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Afternoon. I like mellow light, shadows, twilight, dusk.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE ► Are you in love ➔ “I find such terminology very imprecise, even inadequate to the connection I share with – That is, I do feel love towards – But of course, it's different with – I’m sorry, I’m not very adept at discussing such things. Did you clear this question with my advisor Lana? “She said what? “What kind of smile?" ► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “It’s certainly possible to feel a very strong connection with another person at first sight, or first sense. But love only comes when you choose to pursue and explore that connection.” ► Who ended your last relationship ➔ “I have no romantic history. Er, before recently, that is.” ► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ “I’ve made decisions that have disappointed people I counted as allies and friends – and I have had, at times, to reject the overtures of those who perhaps hoped for a romantic entanglement – gently, I hope. But I don’t believe I could be said to have broken any hearts, no." ► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “A Jedi must have the most serious commitment.” ► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “I have.” ► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “No, not to my knowledge.” ► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “I’ve made choices which have led to much loss and grief, for me and for others. But in a romantic context, no. Until the last couple of years, my heart was - in that sense - untouched. “And now? It’s in the hands of someone who takes immense care of it. And of me.”

SIX CHOICES ► Love or lust ➔ “Lust is purely concerned with one's own gratification; love is the means by which we perceive a reality beyond ourselves. “What do you mean, she said I’d say something like that? "It was not a Jedi platitude! “Well, perhaps it was a somewhat sanctimonious answer. Can you erase it? “I'll just say 'Love.'" ► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “Lemonade.” ► Cats or dogs ➔ “There’s much to appreciate about both. I don’t share some humanoids’ obsession with domesticated animals, however.” ► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “In my experience, allies and comrades can be plentiful, but friends in whom you can truly confide are rare and precious." ► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “Opportunities for peaceful evenings in the right company are few and far between. And consequently not to be missed.” ► Day or night ➔ “Night. Solitude. Privacy. Peace.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS ► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “Of an Imperial base or two. But only very occasionally.” ► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ "I invariably trip on stairs when wearing full Jedi robes or anything formal that involves... Length. I have been reliably informed that my clumsiness is 'adorable'. It certainly seems to generate much amusement." ► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ "'All desire is pain. All pain is desire.' "Yes, it's from a treatise on parallels and divergences between the moral codes of the Jedi and the Sith as applied to battlefield situations. "Yes, the same Lana Beniko.” ► Wanted to disappear ➔ "An amusing question to ask an adept of Jedi stealth disciplines. It's true that as a child I wanted not to be seen. I still feel that urge. But I do not crave non-being, if that’s what you mean."

FOUR PREFERENCES ► Smile or eyes ➔ "What a choice. I'll say 'smile'. Because you can generally always see someone's eyes when you're talking to them, but if that person's smile is rare - and lovely - it's like an unexpected gift, every time." ► Shorter or Taller ➔ "Why not the same height?" ► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ "The latter is unthinkable without the former." ► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ "Relationship. Although I do see the appeal in more fleeting liaisons."

FAMILY ► Do you and your family get along ➔ "As a Jedi, all living beings are my family.  Which is to say ... no, not always." ► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ "I live an unusual life. Not one which I would have envisaged for myself when I first left the Temple. But I accept it. It helps to remember that it is a product of my choices which in turn are rooted in my nature. I've shaped this existence for myself as much as it has been determined by circumstances." ► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ "Never. As a child I only ever wanted to be among the Jedi." ► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ "Of a speeding landspeeder on Tatooine  by an unusually enterprising Tusken Raider. He was encouraged to see the error of his ways shortly afterwards."

FRIENDS ► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ "No." ► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ "Being both a Jedi and a leader encourages people to bring their troubles to you but can make reciprocity challenging. And I'm a private person. I don't share my innermost thoughts with many." ► Who is your best friend ➔"The woman with whom I share my life, naturally. Theron Shan is another of my most trusted advisors, and I believe we’ve become closer since ... recent events. I've been lucky enough to reconnect with my former padawan Nadai Grell, too. I would confide in all of them." ► Who knows everything about you ➔ "Who can ever know everything about another living being? We remain great mysteries to each other no matter how closely we are drawn together. On the other hand, there's someone who knows me well enough to find the idea of my being required to answer questions like these extremely... amusing.  I imagine she's listening in on us right now. Say hello, Lana."

*

Who can I tag who hasn’t already done this for all their characters? What about @swtorpadawan​ and your Agent?

[1dcraftawards]

MARCH AOM

Hello everyone! It is time to reveal who our author of the month is! They will be revealed below along with an interview we conducted with them! Hope you enjoy x

-1D Craft Awards Team

And our March Author of the Month is.....

@marisa-writes​!!!

Questions:

1. Did you start writing fanfiction for One Direction, or was there another fandom that you wrote fanfiction for before this?

Before I found my way to One Direction fanfiction, I wrote Jonas Brothers fanfiction for a few years and I loved it immensely! I wouldn’t still be writing fic to this day if not for the relationships I built in that fandom, and the love I received both from my readers and my writing friends. I’ve been sharing my writing online for about ten years now, which is crazy to me. It was my connection to people I met through JBFA that led me to eventually make my way to 1DFF, though I was a very casual reader and not a writer in the beginning. I was also a casual fan of 1D at the time, definitely into their music but not planning to dive in much beyond that. Oh, how the tables have turned...

2. How old were you when you started writing fanfiction?

In 6th grade, my friends and I used to share the joy of writing this fake gossip column between us in which we were the members of this epic girl band. We would write about all of our exploits in the band and in our fictional personal lives, where we were  - obviously - dating famous people, like members of ‘N Sync and the Backstreet Boys. In 7th grade, I wrote pages and pages of stories on loose-leaf paper about myself and my friends and threw in my celebrity crush of the moment as a love interest, so I suppose those stories were my first attempts at writing fanfiction.

This was in the early 2000s, so I didn’t really know my way around finding fanfics on the internet until a couple of years later, but aside from these self-insert stories, the first piece of fanfiction I remember writing with original characters was a Justin Timberlake one I wrote during my freshman year of high school. I kept it in a spiral that I decorated with pictures of Justin and my “face claim” - before face claims had a name - for my original character, Jamie (to show my age, her face claim was Samantha Mumba). I still have that notebook and know exactly where it is. I pull it out every once in a while to remind myself of the journey my writing has taken, because WOW, was that story bad! But I’d never be where I am if I hadn’t written it!

3. What’s been your favorite fic you’ve written to work on so far?

What a terrible question. Asking me to choose between my stories is a lot like asking me to choose between my non-existent children!

I have thoroughly enjoyed writing all of the projects I’ve shared so far, but the summer that I wrote the sangria series was like magic. Teyana and Niall came out of a couple days’ worth of me listening to one of my favorite R&B artists, Jon B., on repeat, and after one lengthy one-shot in which I’d put a lot of thought into their back-story as well as the one I was telling in that particular piece, I was a goner for them. While writing that series, I was an endless well of inspiration and I enjoyed creating those characters and spending so much time in their world.

The Different Strokes series has been the gift that keeps on giving for a few years now, and the joy that’s come from showcasing Liam and Georgia’s love for one another as their family grows has pleased me immensely.

I also feel very similarly about one of my one-shots, goodnight, good morning. Creatively, it was just an absolute joy to write and I can’t help but regard it with fondness whenever I think about it. It came out of left field for me, but my love of the stuck-in-the-elevator trope combined with my love of Liam in nice winter coats made for a piece of writing I am super proud to say I’ve written.

4. Is there a fic that you really wanted to write, but you just never did?

I have a plethora of barely-started fics that just sit taunting me in my Google Docs. The two that haunt me the most are Basketball Jones, an AU in which Liam is a point guard playing on the same university team as my OFC Tionne’s twin brother, Amari, and Roots, in which newly-solo Liam is stoked when presented with the opportunity to work with a legendary soul artist named Maurice Collins to complete his album, but the project ends up getting passed off to Maurice’s daughter Cleo instead. Both stories are the kind you wish would write themselves because you just want them to be out there in the world, you know? But alas, I suppose I have to do the work myself, and I just haven’t been able to get either project to take off just yet.

5. What’s your favorite trope to write?

ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS! God, I’m such a sucker for it. I know a lot of people are fans of the build-up and all the angst and heartache and reconciliation that comes with it, but I’m always the one at the end going, “So what’s next?” I love to see what happens past the happy (or sometimes, not-so-happy) ending. There is so much to be told in what happens between a pairing when they’re committed and figuring out how to be together, and I adore being able to showcase that, especially because it’s not something you see as often as other tropes in fic.

6. What’s your ideal space to write in?

I like writing in my room. It’s quiet, peaceful, my own space. Sometimes I’ll sit on my bed; other times, I like to kick back in my chair in the corner where my lights are hung - my little reading/writing/tv-watching nook - and I’ll prop my feet up on my ottoman and do some writing with a nice cup of tea. I like to be as relaxed as possible, so I can really let my mind wade through all the lines of dialogue and scenes that I want to write.

7. What inspires you to write?

All sorts of things. For many years, it was music. I used to require music playing when I wrote, but I write in silence more often than not now. Still, music is a heavy inspiration for me - there are stories to find even in the songs that don’t seem like, lyrically, they’d provide any. But the mind is a powerful thing, and so is music, and when the two work together, magic tends to happen.

I also find inspiration in the world around me, and in the things I read. I’m a big fan of studying how people interact with one another. Relationships - familial, platonic, or romantic - are fascinating to me, and I love to write about how people react to the others around them, or the environment around them. I believe certain people and places come into your life exactly when they’re meant to for reasons you may or may not understand at the time, but they’re always important in your journey, and I love to write about that.

As a black woman, having the opportunity to continuously write about black women is also a huge inspiration for me, which is something you’ll notice in looking at the original female characters I write. One of my favorite authors, Alyssa Cole, is a black woman who has written both historical and contemporary romances, and she floors me with every piece of hers that I read because the diversity she includes in every story is encompassing and feels effortless. She paints a picture of what our diverse world looks like or has looked like in the past with every novel or novella she writes, and she inspires me to use my words to share stories that feature black women of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds at the center because it’s important to me to see incredible black women having their stories told. Alyssa’s diversity doesn’t stop at just black characters, either, which is even more marvelous to me. She’s a force to be reckoned with, and I always joke that I want to be her when I grow up, but let’s be real, I’m not joking.

8. Do you typically like to listen to music when you write? If so, what do you listen to?

I inadvertently just answered this question! Back in my must-listen-to-music days, I would put Jason Reeves’ The Magnificent Adventures of Heartache (And Other Frightening Tales…) on repeat. That album in itself tells a story from start to finish of falling in love, being in love, getting your heart broken, and starting over, and there was something in the magic of Jason’s lyrics and musicality that used to wring endless sparks of inspiration from me. Whenever I felt stuck, I would turn that album on and the words would flow. Nowadays, I tend to find comfort in the quiet, but if a particular song or collection of songs has inspired something I’ve written, like Jon B. did with sangria on your lips, or SoMo’s “For You” did with the one-shot of the same name, I’ll listen to whatever’s inspiring me on repeat.

9. Do you have any plans for any future fic ideas you’d like to pursue?

Nothing confirmed at the moment! If I could get those fics I have haunting me in my Google Docs to wander past small blurbs and vague plot ideas, that’d be wonderful. I’ll write fanfiction in this fandom as long as I’m inspired.

10. Do you have any advice for other writers in the fandom?

WRITE. FOR. YOU. Look at that again, read it over and over until it’s ingrained deep in your mind and heart. Don’t write with the goal in mind to gain ‘x’ number of readers, and don’t write to measure up to anyone else. We as writers are our own worst critics and conspiracy theorists, and we will come up with a hundred different reasons to stop writing when we’re discouraged or frustrated, or compare ourselves to others and consider them leagues above us. It is so easy to talk ourselves in circles of why we should quit because of whatever reasons we’ve decided on in that precise moment, but you know what? If you write, you started for a reason. It gave you feelings you’d never experienced before and wanted to chase so hard that they drove you to write something that came from your mind, your heart, your fingertips. Do you realize how extraordinary that is?

Nothing you write will ever mean much if you don’t write it for you. You can’t love to do this and pour your heart into your words if they aren’t ones that mean something to you. You are never going to please everyone that reads your writing, which is often a hard truth to swallow because we just want to be liked, and you will be by some! But it’s important that you write something you’ll be proud to attach your name to, because someone is going to be very pleased with it, but most importantly, you will be pleased with it. We grow and change as writers and so does our level of work, but looking back and cringing because maturity has made us better writers is not the same as looking back and cringing because what we wrote doesn’t reflect who we’ve been at any stage. Write to satisfy yourself at whatever place in life you’re in. No regrets when you look back.

11. What is your writing process like?

It very much depends on the project! One-shots are my bread and butter, and those are often things I can write in a breeze when I’m inspired. My one-shots are usually the lengthy type, more of a short-story packed into a smaller package, so writing them tends to go smoothest for me.

For my chaptered projects, or the ones that started as one-shots and turned into stories or series, it’s a slower process for me. I always have a general plot line and specific important moments in mind, but I’m not the outlining type at all - feels too stifling for me, and I like the freedom to adjust certain plot points when the process serves. If I’m full of inspiration and my life allows me the freedom to sit down and write away, I will! I’ve recently moved myself out of a life situation that was taking a lot of that creativity and peace of mind away from me, and I’m hoping to find my way back to some sort of constant stream of inspiration soon.

Author Specific:

1. Why would you say you’re more attuned to writing Liam and Niall out of all the boys? Would you ever write for Harry / Louis / Zayn?

Liam is the whole reason I wound up in this lovely mess. I became a fan of 1D’s music from the first album, but genuinely had no intention of going beyond that in terms of interest. I’d recently exited the Jonas Brothers fandom as a whole because the cattiness and pettiness of some fans was absolutely exhausting and I needed a break from fandom for a good while (or so I thought, as I eventually found myself neck-deep in the Big Time Rush fandom). Around 2013, though, Liam’s vocals, smile, and stage presence had me slowly turning into the eye emoji. And those who have known me for quite a while can probably recall the night in 2015 where I drank a lot of wine and looked at a lot of pictures of him on Tumblr and became a complete goner.

It took me a little bit to start writing about him, however. I’d been reading some 1D fic because a dear friend I’d met through JBFA had moved to writing 1D fic and I once told her I’d read Magic School Bus fanfiction if she wrote it, so I obviously followed her to 1DFF. As I became more interested in Liam, I started reading some Liam fics, trying to get a hang on his personality because at the time I wrote mainly OU and I love finding that authenticity. I also wanted to get a feel for writing characters who weren’t American, like I am. Eventually, I came up with some ideas, decided to get my feet wet, and started writing. I would say I’m attuned to writing Liam because in learning about him, I connected with him. I adore him as a person and an artist, and hardly anyone writes about him these days (which breaks my heart), so I continue to because he makes me happy and we could all use a little more Liam-centric stories in our lives.

As for Niall, I was blown away by the leaps and bounds of the growth of his vocal talent on Made in the A.M. He really shined on those songs for me, and when his solo career started rolling, I was mesmerized by the way he was going about it. Very deliberate with his choices, taking his time, warming everyone up to the magic he’d been possessing for years. I was floored by his magnetism both as a person and an artist, and it drew me to write about him. While it was completely unexpected because I’d been gone for Liam for quite some time, I don’t regret a single minute of it.

I would absolutely write for Harry, Zayn, or Louis if a story idea struck me. I actually started a Harry story that I stalled with big time because I scared myself out of confidence with the massiveness of writing a story with supernatural elements, but hey, maybe someday!

2. What is one moment from “Regarding Our Ghosts” that you never got to write but want to?

ROG, my OG baby! I’m unbelievably heartbroken that I haven’t been able to finish that fic, because it was a passion project, but it always holds such a solid place in my heart.

In the story, Liam and Lissie were meant to travel home to the UK to visit family for the winter holidays, while Nina and Macy went to see her mother, Noreen, for a few days around Christmas. Over the course of their time apart, I wanted to show how integrated their lives had started to become, with Lissie insisting that she and Liam buy presents for Macy and Nina to give when they returned, and Noreen inquiring after the father-and-daughter pair that Macy couldn’t stop talking about during their visit.

Once Liam returned, he was to drop by Nina’s to catch up with her and see if she needed some help with shoveling snow from the drive. There was a moment in which they laughed and joked and Liam’s laughter made Nina realize how much she’d missed him and it absolutely terrified her because she didn’t have the capacity to put a name to that feeling just yet. There’s a little snippet I wrote on an index card at the place where I used to tutor because it struck me mid-lesson, and I carried that index card in my wallet for years. It went:

He laughs, and oh—oh. His laugh. She missed his laugh. She missed this. She missed Liam.

The feeling settles low in the pit of her stomach, goopy and sweet, and she doesn’t know what to make of it. In her mind, there are little compartments where she sorts out her thoughts and emotions, and as she tries to sort this—that she missed Liam—she can’t. She doesn’t know where to put it.

So she lets it churn in her gut, thickening like a rue, until she can make up her mind.

It was such an important moment for them - a turning point, for Nina at least, realizing that this man she and her daughter had come to rely on in certain ways could be more than just a friend to her. That her feelings could be stronger, and she could maybe feel something for someone again after convincing herself she’d be happy alone if that’s what was meant for her.

Man, I miss that story something fierce, but it stays with me every day.

3. What is one thing you wish you would’ve known before you started writing 1d fic?

That I would get in this deep. Ha. No, honestly, I’m glad that I didn’t have any expectations going in. That’s the best. You learn as you go. Similar to my time writing Jonas Brothers fic, I’ve built some pretty great friendships that I never would have if I hadn’t started writing 1D fic. I even made connections with people who read my Jonas Brothers fanfics but we’d never spoken until I started reading and writing 1D fic!

I’m grateful for the people this has brought into my life, and the opportunity I’ve had to go into this fandom and spend more time honing my craft and getting to shine a light on people of color in my stories, black women specifically. We are so often missing from fiction and that is true from the fanfiction world to the romance novels I read, but our stories are so important and real and as needed as everyone else’s, so I am excited beyond belief that I’ve been able to create several black female characters that have reached out and touched readers of all kinds. I’ve also been able to connect to other authors of color who, like me, write about people who look and think and live like them, and the sense of being seen as a person of color is overwhelming. I hope to see more of it in the future.

4. Who has been your favorite OFC to write? Why?

I’m gonna cheat a bit here because it’s a three-way toss-up between Georgia, Rolly, and Teyana.

Georgia means the world to me because in my previous fandom, I wrote a lot of white OFCs because that was just...what I saw and experienced, and to be honest, I didn’t really think about it much at first. Writing white characters was the “norm”. After a while, I noticed that in seeking out characters who looked like me, I encountered a lot of storylines that featured racism as a conflict between x Jonas Brother’s family and the OFC. It was hard to find stories in which characters were just human beings who happened to be black and faced conflict that had nothing to do with their race. So, I decided to write a story in which that was the case. It opened up my eyes to what I’d been failing to focus on, something that became super important to me the more I reflected on it: seeing black characters represented realistically and in a positive light in fanfiction.

When I eventually came to write 1D fic, I made a very conscious choice to feature black women at the center of my stories, and Georgia was the first. Through her, I was able to show a successful black woman who had started a family with the man she loved, and I was able to showcase little moments of Georgia’s experiences as a black woman that Liam had to learn about, like why she wrapped her hair at night. It sounds like such a small thing, but that was big for me - I couldn’t recall ever seeing that in the writing I’d read thus far, a black woman wrapping her hair at night, so I wrote it. Soon, I had readers coming to me who could relate and said they hadn’t seen it, either. I’ve also had non-black readers who have expressed how much they like the fact that I write about black women, that they enjoy reading stories that focus on people of color. The whole experience has been so moving for me.  It’s made me realize that I am not only doing something I love, but also doing something important.

Rolly Marshall is, in many ways, a reflection of me. I conjured her up when I was a few months into my first year of teaching and overwhelmed, tired, and frustrated beyond belief. She was an escape. I could channel all of the things I loved and dreaded about my job into her and her life, and it was like lifting a weight off my shoulders. Rolly loves her job, like I did, but her experience was one that I created to be more positive than the one I experienced, which has made it both easy and hard to write about her at times. But more than our mutual connection through education, I love Rolly because she feels so genuine to me. She’s awkward and kind-hearted and funny and a good friend to the people in her life. She’s just a good egg. I love her spirit and her humor and that’s a big part of what’s made her such a joy to write. I didn’t expect many people to latch on to her because how many people could really relate to a second grade teacher? To my great surprise, many.

Teyana surprised me with my attachment to her. She and Niall were meant to be a one-time thing, much like Liam and Georgia, but seeing as how those two turned into an eighteen-part thing PLUS a throwback mini-fic, I should’ve known better. It was while I was writing sangria on your lips that I found myself thinking about who Teyana was before she and Niall met. I couldn’t stop thinking about where she came from, building her past. She comes from a single parent home where her father raised her after her mom left. She carries scars from that, from the abandonment she felt when her mom moved on without so much as a single moment to look back. She clung to her Papi and his Cuban culture and grew up with the lessons he instilled in her, including one she taught herself from watching his heart break: that maybe there was no great “one” for her. But that changes when she meets Niall, who challenges everything she thought she could gain from a relationship. He’s truly a partner to her. He has a glimpse into what life is like when your parents aren’t together anymore, so he’s empathetic to what she feels in regards to her mom. He loves her unconditionally. He’s her match, and after years of convincing herself she may never find her match and she’ll be okay with that, Niall is a pleasant surprise, and honestly, he restores her faith in love. She learns she doesn’t need anyone else to make her life complete - her Papi raised her to find that completion all on her own - but having someone to share her life with is a pleasure she’s more than grateful to have.

5. Which one of your fic boys was your favorite to write? Why?

Different Strokes Liam has been my all-time favorite. He’s driven and passionate about his work, completely committed to his family, and there’s a warmth, humor, and sexiness to him that has made him so much fun to write since I began. I love that I can paint him as a complete and utter sop in one piece, a classic romantic in another, and a confident master of seduction in the next. He’s confident and often sure of himself but not immune to insecurities. He’s got different facets, and I love getting to focus on each one at different times as the series shifts.

The Different Strokes series was something that spawned from what was supposed to be a stand-alone one-shot, but I found myself attached to the little family I built for Liam, Georgia, and their son Carter, and my mind expanded upon writing little snippets of them - glimpses of them as Carter grew, as their lives changed, as their family expanded. I am a big fan of established relationships, and I grew so attached to watching Liam mature and change as both a father and a husband. Liam in real life seems to have such a compassionate heart, and before he even became a father, I had a good feeling that he would be a great one and getting to write about him as both a father to his children and a partner to his wife has been such a joy. And with Checkpoints, my mini-fic in the series, I’ve been able to go back to when he and Georgia first met and began seeing each other and it’s been nothing but fun to write!

If not for DS Liam, I wouldn’t have fallen as in love with writing 1D fic as I have, so I am grateful every day for the opportunity I’ve had to expand upon his character and the incredible life he’s built for himself. Writing him has led to writing many other projects that I adore, and I can’t wait to see what’s next for me as a writer.

[satoshi-mochida]

Nippon Ichi Software has released the debut trailer, details, and screenshots of Murder Detective: Jack the Ripper, its recently announced detective adventure game for PlayStation 4 and Switch.

Here is the trailer:

Get the details below.

■ Key Visual

■ Story

While investigating a string of serial murders, private detective Arthur Hewitt becomes able to see a phantom that calls himself Jack the Ripper after a strong shock from discovering a dead body. Having acquired this strange partner, numerous cases occur with Arthur at the center, which eventually focus on the darkness that moves within London.

Will you prove your justice through intellectual resolution?

Or will your justice be left to the impulsive high of homicide that forcibly flows through you?

Is the choice you make truly correct? Think carefully as not to be haunted by regret.

Good or evil, the choice is yours—.

■ Characters

Arthur Hewitt (voiced by Yuusuke Hirooka)

A young man who established the Hewitt Detective Agency in London’s urban district as a detective for about two years. He feels joy in helping others, and helps out the townspeople while continuing his detective work. Since he also receives small cases like finding lost items and pets, he is quite popular among London’s residents.

Arthur Hewitt (Murderer Version) (voiced by Yuusuke Hirooka)

When the player’s choices lead to the “Murderer Route,” Arthur will not investigate criminals and expose their crimes, he rather chooses to judge and kill them with his own hands. On the surface, he looks like an ordinary detective. But beneath the surface, he is a murderer. Arthur will pursue the evil that escaped the eyes of the law through the use of money and power, and form a plan to kill them with a knife. His method of killing is similar to that of the “Jack the Ripper” that once shook London, but is Arthur’s body being manipulated? Or could it be that…

Self-Proclaimed Jack the Ripper (voiced by Kiyohiro Yamaguchi)

A mysterious man who suddenly appears before Arthur. Is he a ghost? A delusion born from Arthur’s head? Arthur is the only one able to see and hear him. He calls himself a murderer, has pleasure-seeking laughter, and enjoys teasing Arthur. But Jack the Ripper was definitely executed two years ago…

Charlotte Peacely (voiced by Aiko Yamasaki)

A police officer who works for the London city police. She has an extremely straightforward personality, does things fair and square, and uses all of her power to uphold her duties as a police officer. With a personality that does not overlook anyone who commits a crime, she has no mercy when it comes to criminals and evil-doers.

Harry Brown (voiced by Yuuki Fujino)

A police officer who works for the London city police. He is mainly in charge of criminal cases. As Charlotte’s senior policeman, they have often worked as partners… but Harry has an insincere and halfhearted attitude, which often does not go well with Charlotte’s overly serious and methodical personality.

Rory Godspeed (voiced by Mitsuki Natsukawa)

The deputy leader of the Godspeed Union Family mafia based in London. A big shot in the area where Arthur opened the Hewitt Detective Agency, she is always taking care of something or other.

Walter Raichel (voiced by Kouji Mikogami)

Arthur’s attending physician at a clinic in London. Not only knowledgeable in surgery and internal medicine, he is also an expert in psychiatry through his own research an is quite skilled in medical care. He is also the medical examiner called upon by the London city police and London police headquarters.

Sophie Raichel (voiced by Yuki Yawakami)

The only daughter of Dr. Walter Raichel, who runs a clinic in London. In addition to being young but intelligent, cheerful, and the one who does the housework, she also does all the work outside of physical labor, including being the medical receptionist and assisting treatment.

■ Story Branching System

Murder Detective: Jack the Ripper is a novel-style adventure game, where the choices you make affects the story of what happens next in a big way. Will you be the intellectual detective or the impulsive murderer? Depending on the side you choose, the story will branch into a “Detective Route” or “Murderer Route.” You can choose the route that is most interesting to you, or you can think from the perspective of, “What would I do if it were me?”

—The choice of whether murder is good or evil depending on the circumstances. If you are attacked by a murderer and kill him out of legitimate self-defense, then is that evil…?

—Depending on your choice, a cut-in showing the detective or murderer sides will appear.

—Through the Scenario Tree, you can revisit your favorite scenes from each chapter by re-reading the scenario.

Detective Route

The never impulsive, always rational, and logical choices Detective Route. Rather than consider the feelings of a single individual, this Arthur considers the whole picture, and sometimes kills his own feelings.

—Arthur is absorbed in documents. Through calm consideration, he is determined to find a clue that leads to the end of this investigation.

—A scene in which you choose to respond that murder is evil. This Arthur believes that it is inexusable to take the life of another person for any reason at all.

Murderer Route

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. And a kill for a kill—. If it is to protect the things that are important to him, this Arthur is willing to do whatever it takes. This is the Murderer Route. The type of route where action comes before thought.

—By entering the Murderer Route, Arthur’s actions become impulsive. His happiness holding a knife is just like that of a murderer.

—A scene in which you choose to respond that whether murder is evil depends on the circumstances. Unlike the Detective Route, this Arthur will not be silenced and killed in situation where he is about to die. He should take the highest means of resistance.

■ Story Introduction – Prologue: “Tragic Incubation”

The protagonist Arthur Hewitt was dealt a serious heart injury in the rebellion that occurred during the public execution of Jack the Ripper. Through a heart transplant operation that is on the leading edge of medical care, Arthur had somehow survived and carried on his work as a private detective in London.

During that time, he receives a request from Godspeed Union Family deputy leader Rory to investigate a series of murders. During his investigation, he comes upon a gruesome murder scene.

Arthur, who continues his investigation despite his shock, hears a voice in his head. Arthur, who thinks he is hearing things, goes to speak with Charlotte of the London city police.

“Why are you sneering?”

Arthur, who was greeted unexpectedly, was equally perplexed by his own sneering, and quickly fled the scene…

Murder Detective: Jack the Ripper is due out for PlayStation 4 and Switch on April 25 in Japan.

View the screenshots at the gallery.

[naysaltysalmon]

I’m back!

Upon my return from China, I noticed there were a lot of things weighing me down... that I can just throw the fuck out.

I could expound upon all of these in great detail, but it really would be pointless. And I wouldn’t be able to cover it all anyway. So instead I’ve decided to make a post of every icon I’ve used for my online persona over the years.

The reason for this is... at the end of the program I attended, we had an entire week of silent meditation. We weren’t allowed to talk or communicate with anyone in any way, including gestures, eye contact, or physical touch. So, during this time I had the realization that the stories I’ve been interested in have been my main source of comfort over the years. No person, place, or thing has felt more permanent to me than this.

However, permanence is an illusion, as the Buddhists say (I stayed in a Buddhist monastery in China, in case you’re wondering). My interests have changed over the years -- from the first fandoms I got obsessed with, to my interests now. I may still adore the series that I enjoyed as a child, but definitely not in the same way.

Coming home, I realized... I no longer want to attach my identity to one character or series. That’s why I’ve decided to make this post. I want to reflect on all the egos of my past, on what they have meant to me, so that I can let them go. I’ve been clinging to a folder of them for too long.

To anyone who’s been here since the very start of my blog, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is an acknowledgement of my transformation from then until now.

And so:

Breadward Elric. My first Internet icon, which I had for 2 and a half years from May 2011 -- 2013. My blog was originally entirely FMAB content, created in January of 2012, and while this format didn’t last the entire time that I had this icon, Breadward saw me through the majority of my early anime and video game obsessions. He jump-started my personality on the Internet as a fanfic author, a blogger, and an artist. I will never forget him... ;~;

Comrade Führer Tamama. I had this icon for 8 months in early 2013 -- early 2014. What can I say? Tamama’s passionate personality resonated with me, especially when he was finally able to be in control (in the episode this particular screenshot is from). Gotta get those cola oceans pronto!

Yokoso waga tainai e [Welcome to my Womb ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]. I had a phase during the summer of 2014, okay. But I still love this maniacal snake’s crusty ass, fite me. I admire KagePro immensely for the popularity and development it gave characters in song format. Of course, favorite of those characters was Kuroha, a snake whose only desire was to keep granting wishes so that he could survive. Add a touch of murderous intent and you have the complete package -- I won’t deny he appealed(appeals) to my wild side -- okay moving on.

KeroTama hugge 👀. I had this icon for about 4-6 months in 2014 before the Hunter x Hunter phase hit. God, I shipped them so hard *facepalms* It was funny though, it’s like KagePro hit me like a hurricane during this summer and then I went right back to being KeroTama trash. Amazing.

Softly Smiling Pika. I kept this icon for at least 9-10 months at the end of 2014 -- early 2015, until I found Owari no Seraph. Kurapika was definitely my bae at the start of my HxH phase -- and in many ways he still is. The current arc gives me this sense of nostalgia of being a 15-year-old again, deeply in love but too in denial to see it. Watching him as a young adult, I see how far I’ve come, how I could have ended up... since I believed myself to be most closely alike with Kurapika at the time. And now I know that’s not the case... I remember debating between many other Kurapika icons and finally choosing this one because I dearly wanted to believe I too could find my happiness in the friends around me, even if it seemed all was hopeless behind the scenes.

Yuu babe. I had this icon for 4 months in the middle of 2015, I remember. Yuichiro Hyakuya was an underappreciated dorky genius at the time, much like how Gon is in HxH now, except... Now in the series... *deep sighs* *clenches fist* I still love his piercing citrine eyes and the dynamism of this icon/pose though.

Cuties T^T (MikaYuu edition). Mmm I kept this icon for a while, something like most of 2016, at least 6-8 months, probably more like 9 or 10. Looking back, I still wonder how/why the author was a fucking coward and didn’t make MikaYuu happen. We coulda had it aaallllll...... Anyway, this is when I was writing Ebony & Ivory, my most popular fic to date, so I was reveling in the reputation I gained from that. This icon was me accepting that while I was no longer friends with my best friend from middle school to 11th grade, I would still pursue my own happiness in the perfect relationship that I saw in MikaYuu. *nods* It’s fitting.

Caught Child². I shared this and the next couple of icons with a friend that I met online, who used the Gon equivalent. I think we shared this one for about 3 months of 2016. This is when I became re-obsessed with Hunter x Hunter and realized how much I had changed between 2014 and 2016. It’s an obsession that’s more or less carried onto now, and redefined my adulthood, as I see my progression as I refer back to HxH for guidance to this day.

Content Chompy Boye. I love this icon. I kept this icon for a long time, something like 5-6 months in December 2016 -- mid-2017. The colors of the background contrast with Killua’s white hair, pale skin, and dark muscle shirt... I still used this icon on other websites until just a few days ago (when I most recently changed my icon) because I thought it looked the best backdropped against the format of other websites. I love this scene in the series, though; while (human) Palm is chattering on about her worry that Gon and Killua will be able to defeat Knuckle and Shoot in time, Killua continues to eat without a care in the world. It’s a mood I feel at least once a day, whether while eating or getting a back massage -- as if that ever happens -- 11/10.

Pizza Devil Brat. I like this icon a lot and kept it on a few websites for longer too, but with the way I edited it, the green background becomes a little too headache-inducing if you stare at it too long, so 8/10 -- okay no more out of 10 ratings, this isn’t that kind of post. I believe I kept this icon for about 3-4 months in 2017 and possibly early 2018 as well. From the same scene the previous Kurapika icon came from, this remains one of my favorite scenes in the entire series for its serious undertones over the light happiness that underlies Gon’s, Killua’s, and Kurapika’s (and Leorio’s -- but he’s not in this scene) interactions with each other throughout the series.

Grumpy Gem Gremlin. I was sharing the last three icons with that friend, including this one, with the Phos equivalent (more or less). I think we only kept it for about a month or month and a half in 2017 or beginning of 2018 before switching to the next one. Cinnabar’s desire for a purpose and closeness to others despite her poisonous nature... is definitely something I can understand and relate to.

Sad Gem Child. Damn, I think we’re all still waiting for the day Gormie realizes Aechmea’s a creepy sugar daddy and dropkicks his ass into the ocean where the Admirabilis can decompose his cloudy body like he doesn’t deserve. When will Land of the Lustrous return from the war? I’m still waiting, Ichikawa. Anyway I think we kept this icon for about a month or maybe two in 2018, not long at all.

Gay Childe™. Look, this is one of the gayest scenes in the entire series and it’s right after my favorite episode(s)/scene(s) in the entire series (so far) and it’s not even acknowledged by anyone. Just. Holy Fuck. Anyway I think I kept this icon for about 6-8 months to cap off 2018. And this is where the Big Breakup happened, where my friend decided to choose an icon that deviated from mine, but I kept this icon for a lot longer due to what this scene means to me, placed after/during my favorite episode. ;v;

And finally, BoMH (Blood on My Hands) Pika. I used this icon for 8 months from the start of 2019 until just a few days ago (approx. 8 months). This icon was originally the cover for a Kurapika fic that I started back in 2015 and ended up discontinuing because it was pretty slow-paced, and thus unpopular, which made it become difficult for me to write. But I got all the way up to 97k words before I quit, simply because of the freedom and joy I felt in creating all the OCs that I fit into Kurapika’s journey as he searched for the Kurta eyes after the Yorknew City Arc. Looking back, I’m proud of the planning and commitment that I succeeded in undertaking with this fic -- it was about halfway done by the time I stopped writing it -- and I feel I want to return to this concept one day. Even if the arcs were pretty formulaic at times and, well, boring, I wanted this icon at the start of 2019 to be a new person separate from my recent past matching icons; a representation of my ability to reconnect with my past, but to no longer be afraid of it; to be proud of it, but still recognizing the not-so-good parts, laying it to rest by no longer avoiding it.

My icon now, as I’m sure you can see... is nothing like those I’ve used thus far. I definitely have no intention of moving away from anime or my past. I simply wish to redefine who I am in relation to them, rather than being defined by them.

...I’ve discovered a lot about myself over the past 2 years since college started, more than I ever thought possible. I discovered a lot while in China, too. And I need my online persona to reflect that in every form, as I’ve done every time there was a change.

Thank you all for being with me on this journey: for following me, for reading my posts, for liking my art, for talking with me and blowing up my notifications on every platform...

I’ll be pursuing the next chapter(s) of Human, TIDU, and other works soon. ^.^

[5thhouse-revelations]

"The Heart of Humanity”

What has man made that goes beyond the value of human connection? As the world of human accomplishment grows, so does the void that isolates the  spirit from everyday life. Accomplishment is at the pinnacle of humanity’s focus, as it appears to assure so many things. It seems to assure survival in most cases, since so many view “accomplishment” as being unanimous with the acquirement of money. It assures that someone will be removed from stagnancy, while moving forward and blazing the trail further into whatever seemingly collective goal we have set now. The vagueness of this Universal goal escapes attention from those at the top, with plenty to spare. Material accomplishments and success are the things universally asked of, by mothers and fathers and grandparents. Our parentage so lovingly, but perhaps naively, expects these things of us and for us, without questioning the depth of validity that these premises contain. This is not true of all parents of course, it’s just an example of one of the many sources of our material focus.

I myself have longed for these premises: only now at 28 stopping to consider what they could possibly hold inside of them that overcomes the miracle of human connection. Here I have been isolating myself, hopefully in the pursuit of my goals, while opportunities for soulful connections to humanity continue to wither. I choose the deep complexity (because, for some reason, I feel I cannot be successful materially without becoming more complicated) of self analysis and criticism, over the simplicity of being in the presence of others who don’t care at all whether I’m complex or materially accomplished. The fact that they care that I am authentically happy supersedes any complexity I might contain within myself, especially if such complexity gets in the way of my becoming whole through human interaction.

It is commonly observed, although I’m not sure it’s fully proven, that those who feel less than the common person will reach the top of any ladder they wish to climb. These people are said to manipulate those lower than them in their career fields, and so they perpetrate this scheme of “feel less to get ahead”; “worry not about the most common man, or his propensity for emotional injury.” The system we have now thrives on this sort of success method: as we see corporations, not connecting to humanity and its ideals, but simply exploiting them. They take our love of father, love of mother, love of spiritual faith, love of the Nation we are born in, and they easily turn it into money. This is simply an example of loss of human connection through material accomplishment and reward, and this is what I want to focus on in this essay. Not only that, but I feel drawn to explain the ways I see obsession with success as a major cause of isolation.

It’s very likely that the saddest part of our state of existence is that there is no way around striving for material success anymore. Though this is true and most of us must work in order to survive and provide, I do believe the positive is that we can always become more aware of how much focus we give to the concepts of material success in itself. We can always choose to remove small amounts of our focus from it at a time, thus living a life more dictated through the heart than through obligation to succeed in areas that are alien to our own authentic expressions. A mind that begins to value the material aspects of success less and less, will become a mind that zeroes in on resourceful ways to circumvent it, and surrender the more unnecessary trappings of it. An example of this could be a parent who endlessly works late for that tiny bit of extra money, rather than spending more time with their child. If they chose to value the material just that small amount less, a trade could be made no matter how risky it may seem. They could then choose the fulfillment of spending more time with their child than pursuing the nickels and dimes extra they would receive by working late. Forgive me for sounding naive myself, and please know that I am not singling out parents who work hard as an example of failing to connect to their authenticity or to the heart of humanity. It’s just that I am someone who is always trying to find ways to mentally conceive of a reality in which money is not valued above the emotional fulfillment of humanity as a whole. This task puts me at risk for sounding stupid, inexperienced and like a know it all when really, I am just expressing my desires for the collective of human beings to transcend the fleeting reality of the dollar. 

I am not saying we should abandon the monetary system forever, either. It is my wish entirely that we could all utilize our talents and pursue the monetary from there, because then our focus is not just on the material. It’s almost impossible for a person to do what they love for a living, and also entirely fulfill the sacrifice mainstream corporatism asks of the human soul. When we do what we love for a living, our soul comes to life, and it leads the way into the lives of others as well. The point I’m trying to make is that our sole focus on material success is often (but not solely) what brings us feelings of isolation, loneliness and inadequacy. To center our focus on what man-made society has deemed “productive” and “successful” brings us into a state of devotion to it. It is incredible what the strength of devotion to a concept will do to transform a person’s life. I will use myself as an example, though I am not a very good one and I apologize greatly. 

In my early 20s I worked menial jobs but I had to work REALLY hard to even acquire one, as my education status was lowly in comparison to my competition: having dropped out of highschool and never attended college. When I finally did acquire my first minimum wage job, I spent all my focus upon earning and saving money. I so badly wanted to be the person who could succeed at the man made successes of life: savings, bill paying, property owning. I wanted these things so badly that I began to value them greatly, thinking my heartfelt connections to existence, and to other human beings would follow in its wake. It formed a devotion to the material that I didn’t even realize was happening. Now that I look back on this, I realize how much I failed to sum up my own connection to the heart of humanity. I had no energy left to value anything other than what my actions were attempting to accomplish, and this was because of my devotion to material goals. It was not until I took the most major risk of my life, which was to go out on a limb and pursue my creativity, that my life opened up on such a deep and heart-centered level. 

With the commitment to overturn a focus upon material accomplishments comes a risky way of living. I never know where my money is going to come from now, and often it comes very randomly and sporadically. There are plenty of times when external reality will set in and I wonder if I made a mistake, and then I remember that we are all living within a system that values devotion to the material cause over a meaningful way of life; I see how much I would willingly surrender in order to see this break down. More often than not, I see the beauty of not adhering to this system anymore, but mostly I wish I could help others through it. It’s my dream that everyone on Earth could playfully explore the meaning of their existence, and I believe that is different for everyone, but I have painfully become aware of the fact that this material pursuit is the most real version of reality that has ever played out. However bleak it seems, still I am seeing more and more people feel brave enough to ask more from life, and this is what brings me the most joy; even more joy than my own successes. The fact that my generation is somewhat refusing to fully take this system of overwhelming sacrifice to the material, is what keeps me motivated to encourage the talents of others, and hopefully I am on my way to connecting to the heart of humanity on the truest level within my capacity.