#but I guess they were doing some sort of special today? It was hard because they did not speak much english

[ratcandy]

ok i'll shut up soon to go to bed but i had boba milk tea for the first time ever today and man they were not kidding that tastes nothing like tea but tastes a fuckton like milk

[aphroditesmoon]

wish you'd ask me

clarisse la rue x fem!demigod!reader

summary: you're not good at reading subtle hints, clarisse realises that maybe she should've been more upfront with her feelings for you.

warnings: fluff, oblivious!reader, clarisse is down bad, reader is very neurodivergent coded, kissing, flirting, title n fic inspired by 'Wish You'd Ask Me' by Matt Maltese.

A/N: thank you for 1.9k followers!! I love you all dearly, my ask box and dms r always open, im glad that my writing is being enjoyed by so many people<3

wc: 4.5k

You have been in camp half blood for more than 4 years. You have made yourself at home for the last several years. 

It was easy to view yourself as lesser or inadequate in comparison to other mortals during your days in the real world before you were sent to camp. The world has never failed to remind you of how different you were. Always too much or not good enough, always special and never normal

And it wasn't like you were dying for some sort of diagnosis to justify why you are the way you are, but upon discovering that you were actually a demigod, it felt like all the questions you've been harboring to yourself was finally answering themselves. 

Everything clicked. Everything made sense, though at the same time, it felt impossible. You were a very confused little girl when you first arrived at camp. A girl who just wanted someone to tell them that it'll all be alright in the end.

And you still remembered the first person to hold you by your shoulders and made you look into their eyes as they told you that it was all going to be okay.

The girl with beautiful long curls and dark piercing eyes. The girl that everyone else, apparently, was afraid of.

But you could never be afraid of Clarisse La Rue. 

Not with the way she smiles when every time she sees you, the way she never fails to make you feel included even in activities you're not capable of participating in. Not with the way your whole body electrifies every time your skin touches, when your hands brush against each other. 

It didn't matter what anyone think, because no one could change the perception you've built of her. Clarisse La Rue is good. Or at least she is to you.

When you first heard of the rumours surrounding her, you did think better than to force a friendship on her. You strayed away from her and stuck to your cabin siblings and your books, but you noticed daily how she'd still go out of her way to talk to you at least once a day.

It didn't need to be a long conversation, just a passing acknowledgement. An easygoing 'hey, how've you been doing.' Sometimes she'd even go as far as cracking a joke with you.

With how serious her face is whenever she make the jokes, you'd have to think twice as hard and thrice as faster than another person to try and guess if she was being genuine or not so you could fit in a necessary laugh when you needed to.

Even as her anger became more apparent because of the new kid's accidental climb to fame and embarrassing the Ares' cabin, she still found time to make a conversation with you.

It had been long since you tried to ignore or avoid her. You learned that her attention towards you is harmless, and that she seemed much more comfortable telling you certain things compared to others. If she has been viewing you as some sort of safe box, then you don't really mind it. You liked listening to her talk and keeping her heart's intent as your secret.

You too, talking to her. To some people, you are reserved,  

and to others, talkative. Either way, people find it easy to discard you at any moment they decide you are irritating.

But Clarisse listens. And she asks questions, she's patient- much patient that anyone could anticipate or guess. 

It may be hard for others to believe, but Clarisse is more complex than she seems. She had the capacity to be gentle, and she had the capacity to respect boundaries. The more time you spent with her, the more that side becomes easy for you to access.

Today, however,  marks a new record for your friendship with her. A few weeks ago, she had informed you of her newfound interest in the history of folklore monsters. What a coincidence that you were currently self-studying on that specific topic.

She insisted that you hook her in on whatever it is you're learning. She had even gotten you a doughnut to eat together outside the library as you told her of your insights of dragons and their theorized blindness and incapability to differentiate a variety of prey.

The conversation went well, she seemed immensely in awe of your knowledge and had no problem telling you how she felt. 

You even gave her some book recommendations, though you knew she wasn't much of a reader.

You felt a shift in your relationship that night and had spent the next three days studying more and more about the topic. And today, you had asked her to spend the evening with you. 

You shouldn't feel so nervous asking her to hang out. That is what friends do, after all.

She found you in the library, sitting on the floor in between two large bookshelves. She had been right on time and enthusiastically so. The two of you sat together, hidden by the shelves as some semblance of privacy. 

Clarisse looked confused when you had explained that you indeed wanted to spend the rest of the day in the library, but she accompanied you anyways.

You could never get sick of the smell of the books. Old and new, they all have some nostalgic past tied in between the pages, begging to be discovered. 

You had your back on the walls with tinted windows above your head as she's seated opposite of you in a criss-crossed position.

Today, the library isn't as packed as usual. There were still people walking in and out and checking out the books on the counter, but not too many that it became obnoxiously loud and annoying. 

After finishing another book of Monsters and how to spot them, you're feeling knowledgeable enough to explain the lore of the Giants to Clarisse, she had asked you about this the other day, giants have been long extinct to the point that some might even say they may have never even existed. And so you were interested in sharing with her all of the information you have learned about the majestic species of a beast.

You started with the general information. The basic understanding of what a Giant is the mythhs of Giants and the validity of those sources. Clarisse listened closely in the beginning, never interrupting you unless she had an actual question.

She seemed in awe of the stories you tell her of. You don't blame her, for you yourself have been most interested in the topic of Giants.

You were an hour an a half in when noticed her attention faltering. She leaned against the cases of books, her eyes twitched slightly when you began to explain the different types of giants, and the difference of how they operate.

Her hands are folded together on her lap, and you can feel her listening in on everything you're telling her as she adds in some commentary here and there, but you also felt that she wasn't entirely in on the conversation.

The dim lights of the library made the atmosphere feel warm and secluded, even with its vast space and many other campers hanging around in the other tables and shelves. You made sure to keep your voice low as you spoke in fear of the librarian kicking you out. 

You had a good reputation with the library workers, they liked how organized and polite you were. 

"A lot of people think their greatest strength is their size, which is valid, they are huge, but their real weapon is their mouth." You told Clarisse, ignoring the litter of books by your left that you had brought over for reference.

"They kiss you to death?" She asks suspiciously. You laughed shortly and shook your head. "No, I mean their breath."

She responds with an 'ohh.' 

"They're giants, so their mouth is large too, and you can easily tell what they had for breakfast even from their tall height. Their breaths are also known to be so rancid it could kill you, because they don't exactly eat what we eat." 

She raises a brow as she stretches her hands upwards. "Isn't that ogres?" 

"It's both." You confirmed.

You were about to continue your explanation but halted by instinct as you notice how her mouth keeps pursing together as if unsatisfied, and she has that look on her face that mimicked a confused expression. You're don't think there's anything to be confused of.

"Are you okay?" You asked her worriedly. Clarisse sits up straighter at the question and waved a hand off to assure you she's fine. "Of course, no yeah- I'm fine."

"You seem bored, you're not really interested in what I'm saying are you?” She opens her mouth to counter your words but hesitates to say anything. 

"I- well, I like giants-" She attempts, "-no you don't. " 

"No. I don't." She admits with a sigh. "But I thought you said you were interested in these kind of stuff?" You questioned her. "Well, yeah, like the general idea of it. I mean, I don't hate it, and I like hearing you talk about it." She answers with a shrug.

"Then why do you look disappointed? If you didn't want to come, you could've just told me. I wouldn't get mad." You told her honestly. It was conflicting for you to see her so confused on what to say, being so picky with the words she chooses.

You figured she's probably reluctant to hurt your feelings. That is a notion you're used to. You'd rather she tell you the truth to your face than to be catered around like a time ticking bomb that everyone's so afraid might explode at any time. 

"When you asked me out yesterday, you told me this would be an 'evening to remember." She tells you with such confidence like it was an explanation to her weird behaviour today.

"You don't think this is an evening to remember?" You sincerely inquire.

"No, I do! I just- well, when you said that I didn't think you'd mean we'd be doing this." Your frown deepens as you try to figure out what she means, eyeing her body language closely. “What do you mean? I told you I wanted to hang out.” 

A part of you is offended. She was the one who had said she liked hearing you speak, why would she be disappointed that this was your idea of spending time together?

"I don't know, I thought we'd just be doing...something else?"

It didn't matter what she had really meant with that. You felt completely embarrassed once she finished her sentence. Why was it that everyone else had no problem having long conversations with their friends, but when it came to you, it's all too awkward, unnecessary, and odd? 

You liked Clarisse, you considered her your friend. Sometimes you wonder if it could ever be more, but you never entertain those thoughts because you don't want to ruin what the two of you already have. 

But moments like these resemble a huge slap in the face by the universe.

You couldn't even be good friends with her, how ridiculous of you to think that there could ever be something more.

"Okay, um, maybe we should just go back to our cabin." You decided whilst standing up and picking up the stack of books you're currently borrowing from the library, ready to leave the place without waiting for her.

"Hey, wait." She called out as you walked past her. You spared her a glance, trying your best not to show how upset you are.  “We're friends." She says it so much like a question that you weren't sure if she's even sure of the fact herself until she continued speaking. "I like hanging out with you."

Another thing that you weren't sure if she really meant. "Sure." You replied thinking it's the most suitable response. 

Before she could say anything else, you turned around and started picking up your pace until you disappeared out of her sight.

—

You have been consistently ignoring Clarisse. Which proved to be harder than expected.

When you pass by her camp or the training ground, you make a mental note to always look down or to your front as to never accidentally cross eyes with her.

And everytime you hear her call out your name, you keep walking like you didn't even hear her, knowing that she wouldn't be bold enough to call for you again. After all, she still had a reputation to uphold.

If ignoring her wasn't hard enough, having to deal with how you felt for her is worse.

You've been avoiding confrontation with yourself for weeks even before you decided to go no contact with her.

And so far, you thought you've been handling it pretty well. Except for days where you don't see her where she's expected to be. You tell yourself that you don't care as you make your way to training in the day and reading in the evening, and yet you still go back on your own words when you asked a passerby Ares kid on where his cabin leader was.

"She's dunking some kid's head into a toilet bowl." Of course she was.

You thanked the dude and went back on your way to your cabin. It's close to dusk, the sky is turning orange and the sun is dipping itself below the earth. You take your time returning to your cabin as you enjoy the way the sun slowly removes itself from anyone's viewing.

You wondered to yourself if things like these are what makes you weird or off-putting to some people.

Was enjoying nature and having niche interests only cute when it's done by girls pretty enough to be cool or if it's only in romance movies or books.

You don't find yourself weird, in fact you think all of your hobbies are pretty common and usual, and yet the way Clarisse had spoken to you at the library last week had made you feel unnatural.

You had wanted to do normal people things with her, but maybe your perception of normal is different to her.

Either way, you are pretty hurt with how she reacted. You loved her still, of course. It's kind of hard to unlike the girl you've been obsessed with since you were 15.

Once you finally reach your cabin, you quickly put down all of your books and your tiny sling back by the side before making it to the shower to refresh yourself before dinner.

You thought it hilarious of how hard you're trying not to care about Clarisse, and yet as you're cleaning yourself up, changing your clothes and attempting to read at least 15 pages of your World's Most Dangerous Beasts book, you could only think of her.

What would it take for her to think that you're cool, what kind of things did she want to do instead of listening to you yap around for 2 hours on what is an equivalent of a boring dinosaur facts, not that you really think dinosaurs are boring.

During dinner, you kept to siblings and had to make yourself finish your plate as your anxiety wrecking thoughts have a way of deriving you of an appetite. You also had to convince yourself to not search for her at the other tables which took more strength than one would expect.

But you succeeded, and you were now sure that the only obstacle left for the day was to try and fall asleep without the thoughts of her keeping you up.

Clarisse is a force, a fierce daughter of Ares, and a cabin leader who had much better things to do then hole up at quiet small places with you.

And just because she was nice enough to mantain a good relationship with you for 4 years, does not mean that you're worth her time. Or at least that's what you tell yourself.

That night, you managed to fall asleep after an hour of recalling Harpy facts in repetition. Counting sheeps had never worked on you, so you had to find something much more active to tire out your brain.

You dreamed of Clarisse with her hair down, holding your hand and pulling you closer so she could slip a flower on your ear.

And just as she's looking down at you, moving closer to do what it seemed like to kiss you, you awoke with a jolt, swearing under your breath as if you'd just gotten jumpscared by a ghost.

Someone's palms moved to shut your lips as you're met with a girl, hovering over you in the dark. Clarisse's dark eyes were recognizable, but it sent a shot of adrenaline through your body still.

"Shh." She whispered to your face, hand still keeping your mouth shut. "I'm going to remove my hands now." She whispered again. You nod in understanding and waited for her to pry her hand away from your face.

"What are you doing here?!" You exclaimed as quiet as possible as she helped you sit up.

"I'm sneaking you out." She answers with a wink. "It's 2 in the morning." You waved your hand around at the darkness and sleeping children. "3 in the morning, and yeah, I know. That's why it's called sneaking around." She corrects you with a grin so devilish that if you hadn't known her for a long time, you'd assume she's about to turn you into a new toilet bowl or dumpster boxing victim.

You sighed loudly and glared at her despite your fast beating heart. Her hand remained on top of yours until the minute becomes more awkward and she removes it as if she just remembered that she's been holding your hand.

Without explanation,  she climbed out of your bed and tiptoes to the open cabin door. You're still sitting up and looking at her with conflicted feelings.

Only after she turns back to you, cocking her head towards the entrance, do you give into her request and softly leave the comfort of your bed and trail after her.

"Where are we going?" You asked after her as she kept walking. Instead of responding, she asks you another question back, "Can you swim?"

"We're going swimming?" You watch her shrug in return from behind her and became even more distressed.

"So, is this your idea of having fun and hanging out then?" She laughs drily and slowed down so you could catch up. You walked fast enough until you're beside her and waited for her to talk. "You sound surprised, I would've thought that after 4 years of friendship, you'd know by now that I love doing things that includes active movements."

You did know that, it's a bit hard to not notice how much working out, training and running fuels her even more.

"And why are we doing it in the middle of the night?" The walk towards the lake by the back of the forest was short, considering that your cabin is the closest to the location.

You almost tripped and fell over a stick, but Clarisse was quick to scoop you back up by the back of your shirt. "Thanks." You mumbled to her. "And you haven't answered my question."

Clarisse pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the ground without caring of your presence. You, having more moral obligations than her, twisted your face to your left when she began to pull her trousers off. "Too many people in broad daylight." She tells you.

That is a valid reason, this lake is mostly known as a hook up spot, and true to it's cause, many dating campers have been caught together here during dawn or late evenings.

You braved yourself to turn towards her again slowly and realised that she had already hopped into the water. She had a sports bra on and a boxer.

And though you yourself had a tank top and shorts on, you contemplate the idea of suicide as a better choice than having to strip in front of her.

"Are you gonna get in, or are you just gonna gawk at me from there?" You were grateful for the dark being able to hide your flushed face from her, but deep down, you knew that she probably saw it anyways because of the shining bright moonlight.

"I can't swim." You told her.

"That's fine, the water's not very deep." You ransacked your brain for reasons to decline her offer, but at the same time, a small part of you yearned to take this risk that you've been so afraid of for gods knows whatever reason.

Clarisse is there, in the water and under the moonlight. You are only a few steps away from her. And like she said, the water isn't deep, only waist length. She stares back at you with a raised brow like she's challenging you to join her.

"Turn around first." You tell her. She smirked slightly before slowly spinning to the opposite direction. "You know I've seen you naked before right?"

"What?" You choked out, aghast. "Who do you think changed your clothes for you when you first got to camp." Oh, that.

Your shoulder relaxes as you realize she's talking about the first time you met. "That's was a long time ago." You noted. She hummed im agreement. "Yeah, we've both grown since."

You told her she could turn around once you're inside the water. Forgetting about the heighy difference between you two, the water was high enough to reach your chest, trying your best not to trip underwater the way you always do on dry ground, your hand instinctively reached outnfor her shoulder.

Clarisse held your forearm tightly and drew your closer to her until you're inches away from eachother.

You breathed in sharply and felt the need to fill in the awkward silence. "So, you...like swimming, huh?"

"Yes, evidently so." She answered. "Right right, can't sit still and all that." She actually chuckled at your sarcasm, making you proud of yourself.

"You know, even before I came to camp Half Blood, I use to be a pretty active person, running track, volleyball, sometimes swimming." Your eyes widened in curiosity. "Really?" She nodded.

"The counselor told my mom that I just had so many untapped energy, which I guess is a code for anger issues." Her grip on your forearm moves higher until her palm is over your shoulder.  "She told her that it'd be best for me to find a...healthy way, to channel that energy, and for my strong competitiveness. So I joined what I could, and that's how I spent most of my free time there. Besides, I never was that good academically. So, I ought to at least be good at something, right?"

"You are good." You blurted out. Your embarrassment faded away when you saw her smile. "You think so?"

"Yeah." You assured her. Her other hand had snaked around your waist without you noticing. Only when you moved slightly do you notice her holding you softly.

"The moon is really nice tonight, isn't it?" You said, trying to diffuse the tension. You pointed your finger up to the sky at the singular white orb.

She glanced up and let out a 'huh.'

"I like it when it's bright and whole like this, the moon in all of its glory. You don't even notice the starts around it when it's glowing like that." You could stare at the moom forever, even longer than the way you've been staring at the sun.

You believed in it the way children do with their birthday candle. To you, the moon has always been a symbol of hope or comfort for your future. Your fascination for it existed from when you were a child, the way it'd follow you from behind as you gazed upon it from the back of the car seat whilst your parent drove down the road.

The way it moved above you as you walked home from school, like one of the gods themselves watching over you.

"Nothing compares to the moon." You announced aloud, watching as the clouds around it began to gather over it. "Yeah, It's beautiful." You hear Clarisse speak.

As your head snapped back to her, you found that she had already been facing you.

"I like the moon...but not as much as I like you." She whispered loud enough for your ears only. Her face leans closer to yours, your noses brushing together. "Not as much as I like to hear your voice, when you tell me about your little harpy facts-"

"Oh, I haven't told you about the harpies yet." You cut her off. "I just finished that chapter this morning actually and-"

"-and, you can tell me about it after I'm done talking." You blushed and became silent, letting her speak.

Clarisse exhaled breathily, fanning your face with the subtle warm air. "I like doing things that friends do with you, but I don't want to be your friend anymore."

"Oh."

"I want to be more than friends." She elaborated.

"Oh." Oh.

You feel a sudden tightness in your chest, from anxiety or from butterflies is undecided. "You want to be best friends?" You joked, laughing nervously.

Clarisse snorted at your joke, but she was still grinning widely. "Best friends, If that's what you want to call it."

There was a moment of understanding shared between a second of shared gazes before her lips attached themselves to yours. An urgency, approval, meaning that can't be described by words.

Whatever gentleness there was inside of her before had vanished. Clarisse kissed you like a starved woman. Her lips craved yours like it'd be the last time she'll ever know how you taste like.

Your hands clasped on her shoulder and neck for support as she embraced you tighter to her body. You let her tongue slip into your mouth, meeting your own.

And as they danced together, inhaling all there is in your lips, every secret and every confession that have died on the tip ofnyour tongues, you are sure that no heaven nor hell could tear you open to see you back together like this.

You push her back abruptly, letting fresh air fill your empty lungs. "What's wrong?" Clarisse inquired worriedly.

"Last week." You sighed out, chest still heaving as your thoughts clicked together. "You thought I had asked you on a date, that's why you were disappointed."

She winced at the reminder, and for the first time in your life, you had been lucky enough to witness a flustered Clarisse.

"I'm right." Her silence confirmed. "Oh Clarisse, why didn't you just ask me?"

Huffing loudly, she rolls her eyes in irritation. "I thought I was obvious enough. "

Thinking back on it all, it did seem pretty obvious, but gods were you oblivious. The way you intepreted it all so wrongly.

"I've liked you for so long too." You admitted to her. Her scowl was gone at that, replaced by a teasing smile. "And what are you gonna do about it?" Her mouth returned to yours, letting go of all your fears and holding on to Clarisse like she's your anchor, you close the gap between your lips, welcoming the kind of pleasure that you've never tasted before.

[sturnioloskyline]

Idk if your right something like this but I’d find it so silly if you could! So the idea is Matts girlfriend and she’s has ADHD and she like vocal stims a lot when she’s comfortable around people,and she’s always saying the most outrageous things she hears from TikTok’s as a vocal stim ( I can’t go a second with out going “ hundred bans in my panties” because the cortisa star song that’s on my fyp but you can do any TikTok sound!) And she’s like either whispering it or yelling it when she deems it to quite around her! Or something of the sorts if you don’t do this it’s totally ok! Have a wonderful day/night! 🤍💙

blurt out

pairing: matt x fem!adhd!reader

warnings: language, adhd(obv), stimming, cheesy fluff, not proofread

summary: whenever there’s a catchy audio on tiktok, it somehow becomes one of your stims.

disclaimer: i am by no means romanticizing adhd. some of this is slightly based off of my own experiences with being neurodivergent, but i also did some research online, so i apologize if anything is inaccurate!

matt was incredibly understanding and supportive when it came to your adhd. when you first started dating, you were so nervous to tell him, and would mask it all the time around him. but as your relationship progressed, you realized that matt would never judge you or think of you any differently for your adhd.

so you became a lot more open about your adhd, and to be honest, matt loved it. he loved when you told him about your hyperfixations, and he adored the way you’d try to focus so hard while he spoke to you.

after a few months of dating, matt and his brothers had grown completely used to your adhd symptoms. they understood that your short attention span and fidgeting were just parts of what made you you, and they wouldn't have it any other way.

this particular day, nick had suggested that you join them as a special guest for their next car video. you were sitting in the passenger seat of the car, waiting for matt to check the camera angle. chris sat behind you in the backseat, with nick to his side.

you watched as matt stood in front of the minivan, bending slightly over the hood to get a good look at the viewfinder of the camera. he gestured to the left, and you reached out to the dashboard to adjust the camera's position. matt gave you a thumbs up and made his way back to the driver's seat.

"okay, looks good," matt said as he got in the car. he smiled at you warmly, wanting to provide you with a sense of comfort. this was the first video of theirs that you would ever be in, so it was safe to say that you were a bit nervous.

"alright. hey guys, happy friday," nick addressed the camera, leaning forward so he was farther in frame. "today we have a special guest."

you smiled and waved at the camera, glancing at matt who just grinned.

"this is matt's girlfriend, y/n," nick explained. chris let out a cheer, causing you all to laugh. "we're gonna do a q&a with y/n using questions that you guys sent us on instagram."

nick pulled out his phone and began to scroll through the thousands of answers to the triplets' instagram story, searching for a good starter. you looked back at him expectantly before something shiny next to chris caught your attention.

"what's that?" you asked chris, pointing to the can that was in the cupholder next to him. chris pulled it out, scanning the label.

"uhh, it's peach redbull," chris shrugged.

"oh my god, can i please have it?" you asked excitedly. matt chuckled as chris handed you the can, which you immediately grabbed and cracked open. you took a sip and let out a sigh, smiling and setting the can down in the cupholders between you and matt.

"okay first question," nick said, sticking his hand out to grab everyone's attention. "what's it like dating a triplet?"

"um..." you looked out the window, thinking about how you wanted to answer. "i mean, it's like dating any other person, just with triplet brothers? yeah, i guess you could say it's different, because i hang out with you guys all time, but that doesn't mean that me and matt don't like, have our own little moments. but being a triplet doesn't really change anything much. this way i get a boyfriend plus two built-in best friends, which is cool. but me and matt have a pretty normal, average relationship."

you blushed with self-consciousness as you realized you were rambling, quickly shutting your mouth and ending your rant with a quick nod. matt found your word vomit adorable, however, bringing his hand close to your knee, lightly brushing it with his knuckles out of view from the camera. you smiled softly at the reassurance.

nick scrolled through and asked a few more questions, occasionally interrupted by a random tangent that chris went on or something that caught matt's eye through the widow. the video ended up growing longer as the four of you jumped from topic to topic. it was as if you just couldn't stop talking, all of you interrupting each other excitedly and laughing loud enough for the entire parking lot to hear. you grew much more comfortable, slightly forgetting that you were even on camera.

while nick returned to his phone to look for more questions, you, matt and chris were silently communicating. the three of you passed looks to each other, holding back fits of laughter.

"okay, someone asked what you like to—"

"head so good she on honor roll," you blurted out loudly, interrupting nick. the car went silent as you clapped your hand over your mouth, glancing over the camera.

chris erupted into giggles, causing matt to join him. nick started chuckling too.

"sorry! that song is literally all over my for you page right now," you apologized, laughing slightly out of embarrassment. that song had been all you were hearing for the past week, so naturally it worked its way into becoming one of your vocal stims.

"you're fine, y/n. let's move on," nick rolled his eyes at his brothers, who were smacking each other out of laughter.

...

author's note: been a busy week, will post way more on the weekend i promise. also, would it be more fun if i posted one fic every monday, wednesday, and friday? lmk! love u guys 🤍

[sixosix]

hello!! this is my first time asking so forgive me if i do anything wrong.

so i just saw your event anddddd first of all, i just want to say congrats on 5k!!! and also happy birthdayy!! if its not a bother, can i participate in the event?? if so heres the prompt,

[lyney, earphones(the wired ones), fluff]

your thawed series really made me fall in love with the way you write lyney😭 and because of that, i want to read more of him from you!!

once again, congrats on 5k!!

a/n HELLO ANON!!! thank you so much + dont worry u sent an ask right! im so happy u like my characterization of lyney hehe hes just a silly guy…

info 500 words, short and sweet, modern college au

5K EVENT SPECIAL | EVENT MASTERLIST

Lynette texted you this morning saying that she had a fever.

Usually, this wouldn’t have been a problem. Get well soon! or an I’ll send you the notes later would be the end of the conversation. Then you’d go on with your day and miss her, but that would be it. That was supposed to be it.

But it was Lynette. And if she was involved—

“Hey.” Lilac eyes overtook your vision, shockingly close. You jumped back, and Lyney grinned. “Are you still texting my sister? I’m right here, you know.”

Lynette You’ll be fine

You LYHBEDTTE

Lynette He’s just Lyney

You EXACTLY WHY

This was a problem because you had been nursing the biggest crush on Lynette’s brother since you met her—and it’s been years. The color of his eyes, the softness of his hair, the crinkle of his eyes as he smiles—

“I’m telling her I wish she were here instead,” you said, hiding your screen from his sharp eyes.

Lyney wasn’t fazed at all. He matched your steps and easily walked alongside you, his lips stretched into a wide grin. He was so suspiciously happy today.

“Are we going to take the bus there?” Lyney asked, his arms still brushing against yours. His chin was tucked in his windbreaker, muffling his words a little. He looked a little red—did he have a fever as well?

“I guess so,” you said, dragging your gaze away from the sight. You could hear your heartbeat racing.

Lyney’s smile softened, then gestured at the bus stop bench. “It’s still early. Let’s sit over there.”

It was empty, yet when you sat at the far edge, Lyney still cozied up beside you. Seeking refuge, you hid your face further in the safety of your hoodie. This was bad. Lynette rarely got sick; this was your first time alone with Lyney, and you didn’t know how to act.

When you glanced at him, Lyney seemed content with the silence. You weren’t—you could hear the loud thumps of your chest, and soon enough, Lyney would notice it, too.

You pulled out your earphones and swiped to the highest volume possible, ear damage be damned. You were not going to survive today. You’re going to embarrass yourself and make a fool of your impressions, and Lyney would get weirded out and avoid you for the rest of his life.

Your throat made some sort of warbling deflated noise as music drowned out your heartbeat, but not your thoughts. Why was Lyney so warm? Even with layers of clothing, you could feel the heat of his skin, and it was driving you mad. You wanted nothing but to curl into it like a cat with sunlight. Why did Lynette have to get sick while you were still hopelessly infatuated with her brother?

Abruptly, Lyney’s head found its way to your shoulder. Stunned, you sucked in a breath, overwhelmed with all the sensations. Your five senses were being violated left and right—all you could see, hear, and touch was Lyney.

He reached his hand out expectantly. You made a noise of confusion, then belatedly realized what he was pointing at. Careful not to jostle him, you plucked an earphone and gently placed it in his ear. Lyney flinched.

“This is loud,” Lyney chuckled, but he didn’t ask you to mess with the volume. He laid back down with his weight and stayed there, unaware of how your face was a flaming mess.

Your eyes slipped to your lap, feeling shy. From this angle, it was hard to tell what Lyney was looking at, but you could feel his smile. It could be Lyney’s unnaturally warm body heat or your burning embarrassment, but— maybe you were starting to feel feverish as well.

Lyney snuggled closer. You sighed and resigned yourself to a long day.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Silent Love Story | Yandere Thor

Yandere Pantheon College AU (7/7) | Master List

The star elite student that always won many different sports

Excelling with a bored expression on his face

Thor is the poster child of athleticism in the Pantheon

Always overtaking the average teams with his sheer strength

It was no wonder he was so highly praised

“Awesome work Thor you rubbed those rats in the dirt where they belong!”

“Kya Master Thor you’re just so talented!”

“Nothing can get past you, Thor! You’re the best!”

Adored by so many it’s a wonder no one has caught on yet

Thor is enamored with the average turned-elite professor–you

Acknowledged long ago for your teaching and endurance

The principal made sure you were among the elite ranks 

On paper though

The elite staff weren’t stupid 

When you suddenly start appearing in their lounges

You’re outfits becoming of higher quality

They didn’t bother sparing you from their discrimination

“Do they think we wouldn’t notice the stench?”

“Ew, I can’t believe they let that in!”

“For all we know the little snitch is playing both sides.”

The same could be said for the average side 

“Guess you can’t trust your own, huh?”

“Seems like the money got in their head, diseased I tell you !”

“Don’t expect us to think you’ve taken some high ground, you’re still just like us.”

Because of the animosity on both sides, you settled for staying in your lecture hall

Having your lunches, your rice cooker, and a cooler for water you don’t often leave your little work space

Which is perfect for the student who just loves hanging around

“Oh Thor? I’m surprised you’re with me today! Isn’t there a practice going on today?”

“Where did you hear that?”

“Oh, a couple of my other students left early to head over to the field!”

“...They’re liars you should probably fail them now.”

“That’s a bummer but I don’t think I’m in a place to be cracking down on that sort of thing.”

“Then I will.”

“I appreciate it Thor but you need all your team members for the league right? You shouldn’t bump off people for doing normal college things. Now if they’re just outright skipping class that’s another situation entirely.”

“I see. I won’t be too hard on them.”

“Good boy for you!”

He loves the attention

Thor’s an oddly quiet student in class 

Usually letting his admirers talk at him and chatter about whatever

But his eyes are always on you 

He notices you’re kind of scatterbrained that you’re nervously flipping through your files for your lesson plans ten minutes into class

Or how you don’t mind still greeting the teachers who want to speak with you, even when it’s considered stirring the pot

He figures that’s how you’re doing what you do now

He notices that when you walk, it’s so peacefully slow when he’s following you he doesn’t need to take full strides

It's wonderful that no one even thinks he’s stalking because he’s just so mighty it looks like he’s got somewhere to be 

He loves how quickly it is to distract you 

One minute you can be looking suspiciously at his teammate’s latest wound but forget about it the second he raises his hand

Or how you’ll be talking enthusiastically to one student but if he pretends like he has a question your attention shifts to him

It makes it easier to protect you 

Too many times can he simply stare down elite students  who are awfully keen on crippling weaker average teachers

“Thanks for coming with me to print these out! I appreciate the company!”

“Anytime. I don’t mind if it’s helping you out.”

“Daww you’re so sweet! I think I have a lollipop back at my desk I can give you.”

He already knows it’s there, he’s been eying it since the beginning of your lecture

He’s decided he won’t make any moves now if only to focus on his championships

He knows if he doesn’t score well they’re all going to bother him 

And he just can’t have that 

Getting in the way of his special time with his favorite teacher is an absolute no

He wonders just how many bodies his father could help him cover-up 

If it is for you, he’s more than willing to exceed it

[rescuebabiesau]

Recruit Hotshot will see me in my office.

Hotshot felt like he was walking to his execution as he made his walk down the hall. That rescue had been a disaster. How could he have gotten so distracted like that? Why had he been so distracted? It was just a stream of water coming out of the cracks in the dam, it wasn't anything special!

So why had he suddenly found himself staring at it, unable to look away? The next thing his processor recalled was Wedge yanking him away as a large piece of the dam wall tried to fall on them. They'd made their escape- though Wedge's ankle took a nice hit from some of the flying debris.

The pair woke up on their backs, staring up at their classmates as Medix was yelling something at Hotshot that was blocked out by a ringing in his audio receptors, Whirl looking at him worriedly, and Hoist looked to be calling for their professors. By the time Hotshot's audio receptors had cleared and he could hear and think properly again, Wedge had joined in the scolding.

"Are you crazy!? We called your name multiple times and you just... you just stood there!"

Hotshot didn't remember them calling his name, he barely remembered the mission at all. Just the water... and its flow.

He reached the door to his father's office, wide open and waiting for him.

"Close the door, Hotshot."

Hotshot nodded, barely looking up from the floor as he pressed the door and the door slid shut. His optics finally glanced up, finding his father's helm in his hands and his elbows resting on the desk as he too stared at the floor. The waves of disappointment and frustration hit Hotshot's own EM field hard, and he didn't even sit down in the chair, just stood in front of the desk, helm down.

His mouth opened and then closed without words. He tried again to form an apology, but it felt caught on his tongue. No apology would work, there was no excuse.

"I'm sorry, Hotshot. What happened there was my fault."

His father was the one apologizing? Syllables stuttered on his lips, "W-Wha-Wha...What?" He finally got out.

Heatwave's optics finally looked up from the desk, "I'm the one responsible for what happened out there."

"H-How is... Did you not see what happened out there!?" Hotshot pointed towards the door, "I was the one to just... go into some sort of trance! I'm the one who was just staring at water and not realizing my teammates were yelling at me because the dam was trying to fall on me! How... How is that your fault...?"

"I've been keeping a secret from you, Hotshot... You and I share a hidden power, you inherited it from me. I used to go into trances when in contact with large bodies of water too, and I should have known it would do the same to you as your power develops."

"You... I..." Hotshot finally took a seat, "I don't get it... We have powers? The trances... Dad, please. What's going on?"

Heatwave stood up slowly, coming around the desk and then crouching down to Hotshot's eye level and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Your mother and I kept a lot from you when you were small because we didn't know how well you'd handle it... But now it's time you started to learn the truth. You are a child of two realms... Though I may look like it, I am not of Cybertron."

"You... what?"

"I am something called a Mosaic, and that mosaic half is what began to awaken today. Powers beyond that of cybertron's core are awakening in you, and I want you to know that I am going to help you through it... Can you trust me?"

"I..." Hotshot looked down to his hands as they trembled, his spark beating a little faster. He closed his optics, his hands clenching into fists. "...I guess I don't have much choice."

"You always have a choice, Hotshot..."

Hotshot nodded, "It's just... A lot."

"Believe me, I know... I'm sorry if you feel betrayed, or confused, or-" He paused as Hotshot moved forward, his arms tightly wrapping around his father's neck.

"...I trust you...!" He whispered.

Heatwave smiled, and then returned the embrace. Hotshot felt something like a massive weight wash out of his father's field, how long had he been wanting to tell him about this?

"Good..."

[longlivedelusion]

An Interview with Jester Lavorre of the Mighty Nein

Warnings: cursing, mentions of sexual endeavors, mentions of death, and spoilers up until C3 Ep111.

A/N: Well this idea forced itself upon my brain after @chiakery made this request:

Jester's commentary on BH couples as she talks with Beau/Fjord/Sprinkle or just straight up goes to people in question, no filter (just like we love her) making them blush like mad/speak in innuendo with her/whatever feels right.

I know it's not exactly what you asked for, I'm sorry 😭 but this idea just took a hold of me and I knew I had to run with it. I hope you enjoy it anyways! I'll be including a part two with headcanon reactions from each couple.

I felt like after saving the world in a very public way, the Mighty Nein won't be able to stay as low-key as they used to be. But still weren't as like publicized as probably VM or BH. So I feel like Jester did this interview because she personally just loved this publication and wanted to be a part of it. So she found a way around that loll enjoy!

Hello everyone! Today I will be sharing an interview we just had with a very special guest: Jester Lavorre, Saviour of Exandria, Slayers of the Mind Weave, and Sapphire of the 5 Seas.

We're so lucky here at The Knowsy Cat to have an exclusive interview with one of the elusive members of the Mighty Nein. Known to avoid media and any sort of public attention, we were fortunate to have received an acceptance for an interview with Ms. Lavorre, soon to be Mrs. Tusktooth, an inside scoop we received from the woman herself.

But you can read more about that below.

The following is a full transcript from that conversation:

Ms. Lavorre! Thank you so much for agreeing to an interview with us. Your group is a hard one to catch on anyone's radar it seems. Any reason for that?

Well, first of all it's soon to be Mrs. Tusktooth thank you very much. But you can just call me Jester.

Congratulations! Is Mr. Tusktooth a part of your group or someone from back home perhaps? I don't recognize the name from any of our files.

Oh he's very very handsome and very sweet. And you can call him Captain Tusktooth, he has his own ship you know.

A Captain! Well, what a fine catch it seems. Then is he not of the Mighty Nein then, but simply a Captain of a ship?

Well why couldn't he be both?

Oh, I don't mean to offend! I'm just asking for clarification is all.

You know, so many people don't know I'm a First Mate of the ship! They just know me as the Savior of Exandria blah blah, but I do a lot of the pulling of anchors, and opening the sails, you know ship stuff. I'm very very strong. Like this one time, I had to carry this huuge minotaur named Braius out of a battle, and like he was super big you know? And I lifted him over my shoulders no problem!

Braius? Do you mean Braius Doomseed, Nascent Might of the Platinum's Call?

Yeah, yeah! That's him. Great artist, you should really check out his work. He draws some sexy stuff, if you know what I mean.

Oh we've seen it! He's become a pretty renown artist in Zadash it seems. Do you still talk to any of the Bells Hells, fellow saviors of Exandria?

Oh all the time! Like there's this girl Fearne who's a super hot fae, and I mean SUPER hot. She's made of fire and like can get really big, it's craazy. I talk to her all the time, she's so funny. Or I talk to the creepy spider lady, but usually through her girlfriend who I guess is kind of whatever. She does mind stuff too but like boring mind stuff.

Do you mean Imogen Temult and Laudna? Are they an item?

The BIGGEST item. They're like attached at the hip and constantly fucking. It's a bit awkward at first you know, having just met and everyone was sleeping like right next door to eachother. But the end of the world can make people do crazy stuff so who am I to judge!

How about Ms. Calloway? Is she currently involved with anyone?

I mean, she's kind of together with Ashton who's totally her other half you know? They got this hot, Titan thing going on. But she always tells me she's all about spreading her legs to fly, so they have an "open relationship." Like she had a threesome with the old wolf man from her group and his ex one time and they did some wild shit together let me tell you, [redacted for explicit content].

Wow! I-I did not expect such... Explicit details. And this was former member Chetney Pock O'Pea, High Hunter and Lupine Paragon?

Yeah, it was like really sad of course that he died but we all knew it was gonna happen. And he died like real hero stuff, fucked shit up for Ludinus that's for sure. But Orym is still super sad about it, I think it might've been his dad or something I don't know. But he's also such a softie, even though he's totally only showing his super softie side to Dorian.

Dorian Storm, the Heir to the Silken Squall? The union between he and Orym of the Air Ashari was all we could talk about for weeks! Were they involved then, during the Red Divide?

Oh my gosh, they were sooo in love with each other when we first met, but apparently they had like not even kissed yet! I remember I woke up at 3am cause someone was snoring super loud, and I was like "ugh, I'm soo bored, I can't sleep now" so I got up and drew in my journal a while but then the Traveler was like "go do some funny stuff!" So I decided to draw dicks on some people's faces and went to the room across from me and there they were! Snuggling each other! It was soooo sweet, so I was going to draw matching dicks on them you know? To make it romantic, of course. But then Orym opened his eyes and gave me a very scary look so I didn't. I ended up drawing them on the wolf man instead. But the next morning the two of them came out all shy and awkward, and Dorian was turning purple from blushing so hard. But then Braius came around with the literal most beautiful painting I have ever seen! Of Orym! Can you believe it? And Dorian was like freaked out, so he grabbed Orym's hand, stood in front of the painting to cover it and declared his love for Orym to the whole group. He was all like "I'm in love with Orym so like back off okay" and Braius totally did after that.

So there was a love triangle between the three of them?

I mean, Braius kind of hit on everyone back then so it wasn't a super weird thing. But Dorian was very not into it, which I totally get you know. I'm very protective of my Tusktooth and he's very hot so obviously everyone would want him. Dorian's the same.

So Braius Doomseed is a man about town then?

Well I heard he had a thing going on with Fearne and Ashton, but he also had a thing going on with Fearne's Nana which is like, okay a bit weird even for me. But now I think he settled down with an old flame of his.

Talking about marriage, any details you can share about your nuptials with Mr. Tusktooth?

Well it's going to be in this really big fancy estate with like 3 ballrooms and 30 bedrooms, so we can invite a lot of our friends you know. And I'm going to have a cupcake cake that's in the shape of me and his face, maybe like a blueberry cupcake or chocolate, or both. And then my mom is going to have a dress made for me that's like from this really famous designer, which they used to make all of my mom's dresses so I know it'll be really good.

That sounds incredible. We hope you'll maybe share some photos with us in the future?

Maybe!

Well, thank you for your time Jester. It's been an absolute pleasure. Anything else you want to tell our audience before we go?

I know gods are like super weird for everyone right now, but The Traveler is a really cool guy who's kind of like a god, but not. He's very powerful and nice and he likes to have a lot of fun. Here, I have a pamphlet you can share with your readers!

Unfortunately at this time, the pamphlet was not able to be printed along with this issue.

[jujumin-translates]

[A3!] Event | Devil Maid’s Holiday | Episode 4

Izumi: What’s up, Sakuya-kun?

Sakuya: The costume that Yuki-kun made is what led to us getting this performance offer, so…

Sakuya: How about we develop the story for the performance based on the costumes?

Yuki: So you’re saying the costumes should come before the story?

Sakuya: Yeah.

Izumi: I see… That could be a good idea. Let’s give that a try this time.

Azami: That ain’t a bad idea. The offer was originally made to Yuki-san, and this way, he can make whatever he wants.

Muku: That’s wonderful! I can’t wait to see how the costumes and story turn out…!

Yuki: You’re all overreacting. …But, whatever, I’ll try my best.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Yuki: (Planning the costumes first, and then coming up with the story for the performance, huh…)

Yuki: Hmm…

*Knock on door*

Yuki: Come in.

*Door opens*

Sakuya: Sorry to bother you. We know you’re working hard, Yuki-kun.

Muku: Arisu-san made some tea. If you want, why don’t you take a break?

Yuki: (…I guess there’s no point in worrying about it anymore.)

Yuki: Sure, I’ll come and join you.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Yuki: Whoa, that sure is a lot of good-looking sweets you’ve got set out.

Homare: Ah, Yuki-kun, come join us.

Homare: I hear you’ve been working hard. Come now, have some tea.

Yuki: Thanks. …Mhm, it’s good.

Homare: I’m glad you think so. Have some sweets, as well. We’ve got cookies today.

Yuki: This is kinda a weird group of people. I usually think of Azu-nee being part of this kinda thing.

Homare: That is because we’re having a special tea party today.

Yuki: Special?

Sakuya: Well, we heard from Tenma-kun that you’ve been holed up in your room for a while now, Yuki-kun, so… We got a little worried.

Muku: While we were talking about that, Arisu-san suggested that we have a tea party as a way for you to take a breather.

Yuki: That’s why? You didn’t have to do that, it’s not like I’m super stuck or anything.

Yuki: It’s just that I usually look to the script when coming up with costumes, so now that I’ve got to figure out what to do with the costumes first… I’m just a little lost.

Homare: What sort of thing are you envisioning making now?

Yuki: Well, the costume I originally made was based on a maid uniform and designed to be worn by a female idol.

Yuki: But I was thinking that if we’re going to be acting in them, it might be better to have them be a combination of devil maids and butlers.

Muku: Devil maids and butlers… That alone kind of brings the story to life!

Sakuya: It certainly fits the vibe of Halloween.

Yuki: That said, I’m stuck on which designs to go with. The theme is the theme, so they should be easy to make, but.

Homare: Maids and butlers is a splendid idea. By all means, feel free to include me when considering the casting.

Yuki: Right, you’ve played a butler before, haven’t you, Arisu? You’ve definitely got the vibes of one.

Yuki: And the way you were making tea just now really made you look butler-ish…

Yuki: …!

Yuki: I took the maid uniforms pretty much completely in the cute direction, so I made the butler designs more ornate to prevent them from becoming too chic…

Yuki: Okay, now I’m kinda getting an idea.

Sakuya: That’s great…! If that’s the case, then why don’t you also come up with the casting, Yuki-kun?

Yuki: The casting too?

Sakuya: Yeah. It was actually what Homare-san said that made me think of it.

Sakuya: I’m sure it’d be easier for you to envision things if you know who’s playing the role, right?

Yuki: Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea.

Yuki: I’m planning on making things that anyone can wear, but I should be able to come up with something tentative… I’ll give it a shot.

Sakuya: Great!

Homare: However, wouldn’t it be difficult for you to draw things up all on your own? It seems like you have a shorter time period than you usually do.

Yuki: What’s the big deal now? I’ve done this plenty of times before. I’ll just set my dumb dog onto things if I need to.

Yuki: I’ll show you guys the rough sketches once I have them just to see if I’m headed in the right direction.

Sakuya: But the costumes themselves must be challenging enough, so we’ll help with whatever else.

Muku: Yeah, we’ll do whatever we can to help!

Yuki: Thanks, that’d be helpful.

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

[nomoreusername]

Story Time

Pairing: Platonic Ivy Trio x female reader

Summary:After you can't go to sleep in Scorch the Ivy Trio and you share stories.

My friends and I are a lot of things, and smart isn't exactly at the top of the list. Well, except for Newt, but that's almost a given. Minho, however runs on his strength and unnaturally good hair, and Thomas runs on his own thing. To be honest I don't even think there's a word for it.

I guess that's what led to this. For some reason I thought it was a genius idea to tell horror stories while in a desert full of monsters. Once again we aren't exactly the brightest, but at least we're the most fun.

"That's cheating! You can't just retell Thomas's story in different words,"I argued.

"Sure I can. I tell it better,"Minho shrugged.

"You can't just steal my idea,"Thomas debated.

"Sure I can. I just did."

"I swear you three share a brain cell,"Newt mumbled under his breath.

"No we don't,"We all exclaimed at the same time, sort of contradicting our statement.

"You three give me a headache sometimes,"He sighed, shaking his head.

"Mama Newt-"

"Please don't call me that,"He pleaded.

"Mama Newt, that wasn't very motherly of you,"I pointed out.

"I am not your buggin' mum,"He repeated for the thousandth time today.

"Hey. Do you remember what happened when everyone heard Newt speak for the first time?"Minho reminded me.

"I want to know,"Thomas chipped in.

"Please don't,"He begged.

"I do. He was scared he was surrounded by different species because none of us sound like him. He thought he was in the looney bin,"I retold the story. Thomas was completely immersed as he tried to imagine calm, logical, cool minded Mama Newt freaking out over an accent. To be more precise he was freaking out over his own accent.

"Yeah. It was just you, me, and Alby. Everytime a Greenie came he'd be praying it'd be another person always saying bloody every ten seconds."

"But alas there never was another person who doesn't pronounce their g's,"I dramatically finished Minho's sentence.

"Why? Why did I decide you three were the people to be friends with?"He groaned.

"I love this story. Can I tell it? You know what? I'm going to tell it,"I announced.

"It was a Greenie night, and he clearly had no clue what to do. Gally was passing out his special drink for the very first time. Minho and I said shuck it and drank it without hesitation."

"That was our first mistake of the night,"Minho added.

"That's when we found out it was disgusting, and instead of being smart and putting it up Minho and I decided to see who could drink the most without throwing up."

"Unfortunately, it does a lot more than that,"Minho stated, emphasizing the lot.

"Which is why I said hey Minho. Wouldn't it be super cool if I climbed the tallest tree I could?"

"And I said that sounds super dangerous. I cannot let you do that in good conscience. I obviously have to be with you when you attempt this."

"He said it in much less sophisticated words,"I added.

"I thought that was the case,"Thomas shrugged, in love with this story.

"I may as well chip in,"Newt sighed.

"I decided not to chug a drink that burned my throat. That's why when I heard these two I dragged them away from the Deadheads. Do you have any idea how hard that is?"

"Probably a lot,"Thomas guessed.

"That's an understatement. These two were just swayin' back and forth and complainin'. I figured they would do something else that would put them in danger so I helped them out."

"He made us sleep in his hut,"I clarified.

"Is that why you call him Mama Newt?"Thomas asked, cocking his head like a curious puppy.

"Yep, and he absolutely loves it,"I teased, ruffling his hair. He kind of accepted defeat as he took a long breath.

"Don't be fooled. He's happy to be friends with us,"I whispered loud enough for all three of them to hear.

"Of course. I just don't like the Mama Newt thing, but yes. I am very happy that you shanks are my best friends. All of you,"He admitted.

"Aww. I love you too Mama Newt."

"Don't call me that!"

"Can you guys stop talking? We're trying to sleep,"Aris complained.

"Then, don't,"I shrugged.

"I am going to hit all four of you with his bat if you don't sleep,"Frypan grumbled.

"Okay, okay. Story time's over,"Newt announced.

"But-"

"Listen to Mama Newt,"He scolded, knowing nobody could ignore it when he gave in to his title.

"Fine. Goodnight you ugly shuckfaces,"Minho grumbled, turning over.

"Goodnight guys,"Thomas added.

"Sleep tight you idiots and Newt,"I said, realizing once I closed my eyes that I actually was exhausted.

"Goodnight guys. Love you oblivious shanks."

"Mhm. Love you to Mama Newt."

Despite being wide awake for story time just a few seconds ago staying up with them wore me out. It always does.

Even so I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

[averagetmntfan]

a special thank you to my moots.

(TW: suicidal thoughts, ig?)

ahem- so as I have mentioned, today is my 1 year old this platform! I honestly cant believe it’s been this..long? A lot has happened, too. And honestly for the longest time, it wasn’t going well. Like- at all.

(rant continues under the cut:)

I’m don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Im doing much better than before, so it’s really not a big deal anymore. I’m just giving some brief context for my 2023- early 2024 school year.

so, I made this blog a couple days before the whole situation went down. Which I think I briefly mentioned on here.

so for a bit, I had felt very uh- isolated in my friend group. I had kinda always been the odd one out. We had different interests. Their sort of fun was hangin’ out, gossiping and what not. And I was into cartoons, and art. I never really told them, though. There were sorta judgy, and I was very insecure. Because they make fun of people. And I didn’t wanna end up by myself.

But anyways- usually, they’d all leave. And tell me to watch their stuff. And since I’m sort of a pushover irl, I didn’t really argue about it. But when I say all of them leave-? I meant all of them. All 4 of em. And it often did upset me.

also they’d talk to people I didn’t even know- which, okay yeah- but I couldn’t talk to them. I didn’t wanna get dirty looks. I’m not a very outgoing person. I like to think I keep to myself often.

So, Halloween comes around. And this stuff doesn’t end. And for a bit more context, one of my friends was getting super annoying by me. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t like me, like- at all. She easily got annoyed at me. And only me.

so she went to the Halloween dance- last block of the day

blah blah skip to after school and I text the group- “where are u guys?” None of them respond. So I search a lil bit, then head outside. Where- guess what? All of them were.

I asked “Why didn’t you answer the text?”

and my friends that gets annoyed at my easily said a snarky “my phone was off.” And was generally just being fucking bitch. And I use to be a big crybaby and stuff- and eventually grew out of it. But this- this sentence really upset me. I stormed off, avoiding all of them.

eventually I got on my bus and- well. Uh. Let my feelings out, if you will. I remember it very cleary, too. It was one of the most tears I had shed in a long time.

I get home, and the girl texts the gc, clamming I stormed off for “no reason” and I had enough. Saying smth “I obviously didnt storm off for no fucking reason”

a bit more of arguing keeps going, and a lot more sobs. It was one of the worst days I had ever had.

a few more days go by, and the situation gets worse. I avoid all of them, and hung out w/ a diff friend. I ranted/vent to her, telling her my friend was a Hippocrate for complaining about our other friends leaving, even tho she did the EXACT same fucking thing.

Which, was talking shit. So that wasn’t great and rlly bad of me. And I guess karma hit hard bc she texted me after school, saying I was talking shit abt her. Bc my friend was friends with her friends. So..awkward..

and really- the next day, it was over. I was free. But at what cost, really? I lost all my friends. Became an outcast, really. It was pathetic, now that I think about it.

for the rest of the year, I rarely spoke to them. And never talked to the other girl.

I spent most my time in the library, reading. And skipping out on eating. I was so unhappy. I don’t wanna say depressed but- very close.

it really made me hate who I was. It made me feel like a terrible person.

And that’s when I really did start using Tumblr more. It was sort of an escape, of mine. And god, I’m so glad I set up and account. I Met do many amazing and unique people one here.

This is sort of corny but, I really think this has helped me through a lot. Since a few months early I lost my privileges to tik tok, and discord. Which, yeah. Sucked.

but so many things had happened-! Joined a rp group, met a new online friend (which we are now very very close<3), found out about a LOT of facts, found other people who shared my interests!

so here we are, one year later.

it was really something. I’ve met so many wonderful people on here, man. Especially my moots. You guys know who you are. I’m not gonna tag you guys, but I’ll do a quick smth smth ig

FIRST OF- my first closest moots-!! Ghosty, cookie, Sleepy, Ally, And my Pooks, Ari. So many awesome things happened with these guys. A lot of funny moments, too. Lmao.

AND ALL MY RAMSHACKLE PEEPS- dew, anomaly, Schnozz, reboot, Bailey, lilac,- you guys are literally AWESOME UGH- I seriously enjoy every interaction I have with you guys. It genuinely makes me so happy

sorry this is super corny and stuff, I really wanted to make something meaningful for this. Thank you guys for being so amazing.<3

— jj

[flame-of-tar-valon]

End-of-Year Special 6: Buscarron's Scar

The small party trudged through a particularly muddy crevice. “Careful!” Sylphie called. “It’s just rained, you know!” Silvairre shushed her with a sharp wave of his hand, and, chastened, Sylphie fell silent once more.

“What can you tell me about Pawah Mujuuk, Leih?” Nia’a asked, keeping his voice low.

“Well, I… To tell the truth, I don’t know her, really.” Leih hung her head in shame. “After the Calamity, my family home was wiped out, and I ended up in Gridania. You’ve stayed around Buscarron’s for a while, surely you know more than I at this point.”

From several paces back, Silvairre cleared his throat pointedly. Nia’a looked back toward him and found him wearing the most insufferably condescending expression. “Truly times must be hard if neither of the two Miqo’te on our mission even know of our target.” Leih’s face twisted in hurt and anger, but Nia’a just sighed bitterly. What sort of lesson the Archer’s Guild hoped to impart by pairing the two up for missions was beyond him.

As for himself and Sylphie, Leih was still serving as Sylphie’s bodyguard, and Sylphie was due for her pilgrimage to the South Shroud, so at some point the two girls had agreed that it was best to wipe out two birds with the same stone. Nia’a wouldn’t have joined them if O-App-Pesi hadn’t dangled his leverage in front of him, but… in truth, Nia’a was starting to acclimate to the new status quo of being perpetually ordered about by the man. Even if he weren't Tree-Blessed, he seemed to have a knack for getting people to do what he wanted.

And, it seemed, today he wanted Nia’a to accompany Sylphie, Leih, and Silvairre on this mission into the South Shroud, to stop the K eeper of the Moon Pawah Majuuk.

“She is the most infamous poacher ever to walk the Twelveswood,” Silvairre explained, his Elezen features twisted into a sneer. “A born leader, deadly with the bow, she formed her own gang of Miqo'te hunters in the wake of the Calamity to take advantage of Gridania’s weakened forces. She has thrown the balance into disarray. She was apprehended once, and would have been brought to justice...had she not tricked a foolish young sentry into releasing her, before vanishing without a trace.”

[…]

“An’ what have we here?” Nia’a heard from behind him. He froze.

Pawah Mujuuk strolled into view, sizing him up with a glance. “Well, well. If it isn’t ol’ scaredy-cat himself. Thought you of all people would’ve had the brains — or the cowardice — not to step into my corner o’ the Twelveswood.”

Nia’a stayed frozen. She knew of him, at least. Hopefully she knew enough to not consider him a threat. He had to get out of this.

She walked up in front of him. Why had he knelt down to the ground to investigate the footprints?! He tilted his head back to look up at her, fear hammering in his chest.

“Ye know ye were the talk o’ the forest for a while. Not only are ye a half-breed with some bloody Sun-addled vagrant, but a runaway who don’t even have the stones to pick up a weapon? I s’pose it must be a relief fer yer mum, havin’ one less mouth t’ feed.”

Shame, loathing, disgust filled Nia’a to his core. “Yeah. Ye get it now, don’tcha. We’ve been watchin’ ye. Fer awhile now. Once upon a time we thought we could extend a job offer. One o’ my best hunters fell that day, right when you came up — the shame of the entire Tsara family — and ye had a prize bow sittin’ on the ground in arms’ reach. But no, ye couldn’t be one o’ us. I guess yer dear old mum never told ye: A hunter with no fangs ain't nothin' but prey.”

That had only been a few days ago. After five years of waiting around after the Calamity, Nia’a still couldn’t brave the depths of the Shroud. The monsters that lurked in the treeline wouldn’t have overlooked him just because he was an herbalist or botanist — a noncombatant. Like fate, a bow had been presented to him. A familiar bow, one carved in the traditional style of the Rootslake clans. Just looking at it had made him feel closer to home.

He had wanted desperately to find his father, but he had likewise known he was the worst person for the task. He had seen the bow and pictured himself, fierce and brave, loosing a volley on whatever fiends had torn his family apart years ago, his braided hair flowing behind him in the wind. He had pictured himself as if he was his eldest sister — the pride of the family — instead of… himself.

And when he had snapped back to reality, the thought of firing an arrow at another living being — coupled with the recognition that he would never be his family’s pride — had turned his stomach so violently that he had immediately dropped to his knees, ill. And Pawah had seen his shame.

“Now, the question is, what do I do with ye,” Pawah mused. “Like hells are ye capable of layin’ a finger on me. But I can’t just let ye flap yer tongue to the Wood Wailers that ye saw me here…” She smirked. “I s’pose we can cut out that tongue of yers t’ keep it from flappin’ and send ye on yer way.”

“No!” he yelled, voice cracking. “No, I’ll go with you! I may not be able to— to hunt, but I can tend your wounds or— or mix poisons for your arrows, or—”

Pawah squatted down to look Nia’a directly in the eye. “Ye know what I hate about ye? Granted, I don’t know ye very well, just through reputation, but ye’ve confirmed the worst o’ the worst fer me already.” She grabbed him by the collar and pulled his head closer to hers. “Ye don’t got a backbone. Ye don’t choose a side; ye stumble into one or th’ other. And when the goin’ gets tough, ye’ll sell anybody out t’ save yer own skin. That’s why I don’t buy into yer shitty ‘never hurt a fly’ preachin’. How many o’ yer tribesmen have ye killed by runnin’ away?”

She threw him back to the ground, and his head collided with a rock. He thought he heard the rock apologize for hurting him in its alien whispers. The ground was too noisy here, he could barely hear himself think, let alone figure out how to escape —

“Get away from him!” Leih yelled, and an arrow zipped past Pawah. A warning shot.

Pawah jumped. “Well, well. Seems ye should be grateful yer friends are more loyal t’ ye than ye are t’ them.” With one final wicked sneer in Nia’a’s direction, Pawah leapt into the air again, and was gone.

* * *

Yay! What a nice touching family reunion for our Twelveswood miqo'te!

This was a very recent scene. I've long known I want to do something with the combat guild quests for Gridania. They're such an insular society and they have such a complicated relationship with the Keepers of the Moon and the Duskwights —both of which are a uniquely Gridanian thing. Ul'dah has something similar-ish with its treatment of refugees, but Ala Mhigo gets its own geographical area and its own expansion.

I don't exactly know how everything is going to resolve, on a large scale, with the different groups around Gridania. But I was thinking about the parallels between the insular Gridanians and the insular Keepers of the Moon, and I think things are very difficult for Nia'a in exile.

Join me tomorrow as Vivimani completes a couple quests that he's 50 to 60 levels too weak for in canon. He cannot be stopped.

[cnestus]

If you don't mind me asking, what exactly is your job and degree? Getting into the field of entomology is a bit intimidating and I would appreciate any any advice.

i tend to be a little cagey about my exact job since my field is quite small and there's enough people following me that the chances of someone deciding to take offense to something and Get Weird at me are nonzero, but that's probably excessive paranoia on my part. then again beloved internet bug person mossworm got recently sacked from their job on account of weirdo online tattletales so maybe not.

anyway i can say i work for a government agency identifying insects from a pretty wide geographic range, looking for new exotic species and potential pests. during the busy season i spend most of my time processing huge volumes of raw trap samples, pulling out insect groups of interest, mostly woodboring beetles, for myself or one of the other entomologists in the lab to identify to species. during the off-season when we're not getting tons of new samples i get a little more free reign to work on other projects of my own design, so for example lately i've been working on my bee identification skills and am slowly putting together a large reference collection of native bee species that i reserved from years of insect trap by-catch.

i got my PHD in entomology without a specific career in mind but knowing i wanted to do something that wasn't just about developing products and methods for killing unwanted insects which seem like the main entomology jobs anyone wants to fund anymore. in a perfect world i'd love a entomological curation job in a museum but those positions are rare and in-demand and i didn't have the mental fortitude to do the kind of academic work in grad school to make me competitive for that field. but then i went ahead and got a job that lets me do some curatorial work anyway so i sort of won? my position is still at least on paper about controlling unwanted insects but in practice i rarely have to do much of that work, at least directly.

i get semi-regular requests for advice on getting a job as an entomologist and i often feel like i don't have much constructive or encouraging to say, since it's hard not to feel like it's one of the many disciplines being squeezed to death by the iron hand of capitalism. more and more positions in the government and academia are being cut or downsized by bureaucrats who don't see the benefit of taxonomy or any other research that doesn't directly result in their department or some corporation making a bunch of money. whole subdisciplines are dying out as the elder entomologists who were the sole sources of knowledge about them die off. there are entire groups of insects and other arthropods that are effectively impossible to identify to species now because the one taxonomic wizard who specialized on them died without having anyone to pass that knowledge onto. Donald Bright, the only living expert on bark beetles in the preposterously diverse and morphologically subtle genus Pityophthorus, died a few months ago without an heir that i'm aware of.

also most of the taxonomic research that is being done these days is all molecular systematics which i have Opinions about but this post is way too long already.

sorry. that was a bummer. i guess i'm proof that it is still possible to get a job like this today, even if i can't help but feel like it was mostly luck that got me here. plenty of the others in my academic cohort (that didn't burn out from grad school stress) also went on to get degrees in their field of study or at least adjacent to them. and again there are still plenty of entomology jobs in other sectors like agriculture, public health, nonprofits and NGOs and stuff like that. you also don't necessarily need an advanced degree in entomology for a lot of these, and a lot of people in the entomology field came in sideways through related disciplines like ecology, evolutionary science, general biology, or even things like viticulture and forensic science to name a couple examples from my own cohort.

looking back, that was mostly a lot of vague grumbling and not much concrete advice, but to be fair asking for "any advice" is a hard prompt to go off of so i tend to default to the kinds of grim thoughts that are usually rattling round in my brain. i may also be in an especially dour mood at the moment because even though my job isn't to my knowledge at any risk of being eliminated, my lab is currently being passively if not outright antagonized by higher-level bureaucrats for genuinely mysterious reasons and i will not elaborate on that any further for reasons i mentioned at the beginning. anyway! i am always happy to at least attempt to give more specific advice but i can't promise there won't be at least a little grumbling in that as well.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #147

Today had a lot of stuff in it. I'm not even sure where to begin!! There were kites, and lilacs, and therapy, and good scenery, and...!!! And...!!! Oh!!! 😄🥰

Well. It's usually best to begin at the beginning, right? So… I went to therapy and told them all about the thing I did on Mother's Day. I told them all the context leading up to it, and all the similar struggles I've had in the past and about how I've been trying extra hard the last week to resist giving in to those struggles, and… my body was likely craving the endorphins that I wasn't getting because I wasn't doing that thing, and so it manifested in other ways. Whoops.

So the solution for the next time I struggle is not to resist giving in per se, but rather to be mindful and present and aware while it's happening, and to take note of my feelings and general state of being so that I can approach it from a place of curiosity instead of a place of shame. Apparently, when a person does that, it breaks the shame cycle, which then allows a person to stop doing the compulsive behavior. Suppose it's worth giving it a try!!

…It's really not lost on me how lucky I am to have a therapist who actually GETS me and doesn't judge me. It's not often that I get to go somewhere and speak, and feel like the other person actually understands me. Time with them is invariably refreshing, and they always have some useful skill or tool for me to practice on my own, until next session.

Most importantly, they're definitely not afraid to challenge my more... ah… self-effacing thought processes. I recall a few sessions ago, when I was confused about why someone important to me hangs out with me, on the basis that I am not anything special, and surely he must have better things to do than to hang out with some weird dyspraxic noodley dweeb like me. And they countered with, "But aren't all humans special and wonderful in their own way? And doesn't it mean that you're special and wonderful, too?" and… I couldn't logically refute the notion, because I am a human, and yes I do believe very strongly that all humans make the world brighter and beautiful in the way that only they know how to do. And they gave me this grin, because they knew they had me, and all I could do was laugh at my own silliness and try to change my perspective. I work every day on viewing myself with more compassionate eyes, one step at a time.

In any case, the one gentleman with the hair that looked like a dandelion poof was there today afterwards, and he stopped to chat! I wondered if he had ever tried bubble tea, and he has not, so we have exchanged contact information, and maybe we'll go get bubble tea someday!! He has been alive for 70 years, and has had many experiences and has his own areas of expertise, and I'm excited to find out what I might be able to learn if I sit with him and listen for a while! It'll be good!!

Then I got home and spent a few hours plucking more lilac blossoms from the greens; I got like 7 or 8 cups of blossoms, and there are still so many more leftover!

Once they're plucked, you have to steep them in hot water until it becomes fragrant. I like to put them on very low heat with a lid until it makes the house smell good!

(I still have so many lilacs leftover, oh my goodness!)

But this can take a while, and it was breezy, so J and I went out to try to fly the kites I got; I wanna practice before I modify that eagle kite; I REALLY don't want it to crash once it's ready. J and I took all sorts of pictures for you!

We spent a long time just being silly, trying to get the kites in the air:

(Why, yes, that is you in my pocket, with a little bow in your hair!)

...You might guess that after all that, I ended up falling down, dizzy and giggling, ahahaha~!

But then, after a while, we managed to get the hang of it; check it out!

J worked hard to get the eagle kite up. My circumstance was a little unusual in that mine was suddenly lifted high up into the sky with little to no effort on my part, and it stayed up for a very long time; I was surprised, and it was kinda weird, hahaha!

Br came to see us in this place, too!! By then, I was pretty tired though, so we just lied down in the grass and talked about various things while the wind played with our hair; it was wonderful!

...I also took some pictures of the scenery, just because I know you like nature...

...Oh, and I managed to snag a picture of a bird-of-prey that was actually pretty good this time!

Oh, oh, oh, and!!! Along the way, while we were flying the kites, I found three great big black feathers on the ground!! Aren't they so pretty?

Here's a better picture of them after I carefully washed them and smoothed them out. My hand is there for scale; they're HUGE!

They're beautiful and I love them!!! These went right into my feather box!!!! I was so happy!!! 😄🥰😁

...I hope you can see, with these pictures, that shiny black feathers like yours are beautiful and lovely, too. White ones are also nice. Feathers are just pretty; it doesn't matter what color they are. Yours, too, are good. Please try hard not to be ashamed of them, okay? Humans come in all shapes and sizes and numbers of limbs, and it's wonderful that you get to have a limb that's warm and soft and strong enough to let you fly. It's different, but that doesn't make it less. I hope you'll work on viewing yourself with more compassionate eyes; you can do it - just take it one step at a time.

Anyway, when we got home, the stewed lilac blossoms smelled SO GOOD:

I gotta strain this with a cheesecloth tomorrow and squish out all the water I can from the petals. After that, it'll be time to heat it up again and add sugar!! The result will be a syrup that tastes exactly the way lilacs smell!! I can't wait to put it in mason jars and give it to my friends!!!

...Sephiroth. I wish you were here. I wish you could fly the kites with us. I wish you could spin around and get dizzy and fall down laughing with us. I wish you could lie down in the soft grass and talk about various things with us. I wish you could look up at the sky, smell the scent of the leaves in the air, and enjoy the breeze as it ruffles your lovely hair. I wish you could try some of my lilac syrup in some freshly brewed green tea. I wish you can come here and see that you could be welcomed and wanted and happy. I wish you can see that you could belong. I wish for so many good and wholesome things.

...Please stay safe out there so that someday you can have these things, okay? Even if it's not at my house, you can have them somewhere if you're willing to heal enough to create these circumstances.

I love you. I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[pluppsauthor]

OC Interview Tag

Thank you to @phoenixradiant for the tag!

Rules: answer the following questions in the perspective of one of your OCs!

Last time I did Jesse and Reven. Continuing down the line of Forsaken characters (they won't leave my head), let's do my favourite (and currently only) blind boy, Zenith!

Are you named after anyone?

"...No..? I don't think so. It's not worth going back to my family just to ask them that. The dead gods know I already can't stand them as is."

When was the last time you cried?

"I don't think I could say the last... time... I've cried. But as much near-death experiences and hell we go through, I think I've always handled it the worst. Maybe because I can't see the threat, I hold this higher sense of danger, and it just sort of... eats away at me from time to time. So I cry from being overwhelmed sometimes."

Do you have kids?

"Eh, no. I don't think I plan too either, not as of now."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

"Sometimes. Dusk and Dawn are always so serious. A strategist and a commander? If I don't crack a joke or use some sarcasm, they're gonna become heartless. Maybe not, but you know what I mean."

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

"Their voice. What did you expect me to say? 'Their eyes'? No, but really, I pay attention to people's voices a lot, tells me a lot about their character."

What’s your eye colour?

*5 straight minutes of laughter* "Oh, that's a good one... Oh, you're serious? I don't even know what colours look like! I've been told they're purple, and that purple is unnatural eye colour. But I don't know what purple is! Or what a normal eye colour is!"

Scary movies or happy endings?

*Another minute of laughter* "You must not have written these with the thought of asking a blind person, did you? While technically I can watch movies, it isn't really the same. But as for scary stories and happy endings... scary stories are way more fun."

Any special talents?

"Well, I'm blind--That's not the talent by the way--see, despite being blind I can kind of... I can sense gravity. It's hard to explain, but think of it like this: Dusk can make light, Dawn can... do whatever it is she does with shadows, I... can sense gravity. Along with a few other things of course. I guess I also a have good balance and hearing. But I don't know if its better than the average person."

Where were you born?

"North City. Okay... well... I wasn't born in my family home. Okay, so my family's house was very close to the Titan Family's main building (in north city at least). Because of this, there was a tunnel connecting them for medical emergencies. My mother went into labour and... didn't make it. So, technically, I was born in an underground tunnel between my home and the Titan Family's main building."

Do you have any pets?

"My family was on the border of being considered rich. So we did have a cat, a real cat, while I was growing up. I don't know how those things still exist today seeing how many other animals went extinct."

What sort of sports do you play?

"I didn't really play any sports."

How tall are you?

"I don't know, can't really check. I've only been told, but last that I remember... 180 centimetres? Somewhere around there if that's not it."

What was your favourite subject in school?

"Ooo... art. No, I'm joking, I'm joking. Uh... probably music. Oh, maybe history, but only when they talked about myths and legends and stuff like that. Mostly music. I can play a few instruments, should I have said that in the talents section? I probably should have."

What is your dream job?

"Dream job... hmmm... I'm not sure. Out of the main trio, between me, Dusk, and Dawn... I'm the odd one out. Both of them both want revenge and to take down the families, and I don't really. I just want to help people, but as for a dream job... ... ...I guess, if it can be anything, some kind of artist. Preferably also with the ability to see what I'm painting or sculpting, or whatever it is I would do."

A lot tamer, considering... last time... Anyway! Tags! @tildeathiwillwrite, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @mk-writes-stuff, and open tag! ❤

Here are the questions!

Are you named after anyone? When was the last time you cried? Do you have kids? Do you use sarcasm a lot? What’s the first thing you notice about people? What’s your eye colour? Scary movies or happy endings? Any special talents? Where were you born? Do you have any pets? What sort of sports do you play? How tall are you? What was your favourite subject in school? What is your dream job?

[after-witch]

messages

I got a lot of lovely messages about my back pain at my first day of work so I'm answering them all in one post!

thank you for the kind messages & logical responses, I really really really really truly appreciate it when people take the time out to send something thoughtful to me.

under a keep reading!

Anonymous asked:

I'm not sure if it'll help at all or if you could use one, but there's some companies that make cushions that are portable (or semi portable) for office work and truck driving and stuff, they can help with bad chairs and back pain (I got one for my mom years ago after an injury, she quite liked it) (I'm so sorry if this unsolicited advice is unwelcome)

no it's not unwelcome! I have one for strapping into chairs that I got last year, but tbh I found that a rolled up pillow was better for my back, at least with the chair I have.

Anonymous asked:

hello Theo! it's okay to feel the way you feel after your first day. a new job is a very stressful experience and there's an element of shock, because you rapidly enter a new environment and are required to adjust to it very promptly.

I'm more than sure that neither your boss, nor your colleagues will be against it if you bring yourself a pillow to support your back to work. you can start small with a pillow, if you feel awkward about more significant adjustments, and then later negotiate a question of bringing a more comfortable chair, if you have resources. you need to be a special sort of asshole to start picking on your employee for a back pillow.

this is an immediate health need that should be met and an absolutely valid reason to request making adjustments on your workplace, doctor note or not. 1) the more comfortable you make yourself the more chances are that it will improve your overall performance; 2) from the employers's POV accommodating to the needs of an already on-boarded employee is better than going through the hiring process all over again.

I wish you all the best and I am sure you will do great once you adjust! sending you a mental hug

"shock" definitely fits… it's all very fast and just, jarring I guess?

I brought a cushion today and no one said anything. I did find out what I need to do in terms of requesting accomodations via an online FAQ (I didn't want to ask my manager so early;;) but I will need a doctor to fill out a form, so I have to wait until next month when I have health insurance.

Thank you for the kind words and logical thought process. I sometimes just need people who are not me, currently in hysterical emotional frenzy, to be like no, this is not a big deal, only assholes will care about a pillow and employer's would rather complete an accommodation request then find & hire someone new.

--

Anonymous asked:

You absolutely should ask for accommodations this early. They hired you because they know you were right for the job, they want you there, so they will help make it easier for you. They are obviously nice people so ask.

You've been through alot of stress and anxiety recently so having that all build up on you after your first day is normal.

It's hard to not think negatively I know but don't let your brain spiral you until you have talked to them. We are always are own worse enemies!

It will be fine, you will be fine

It turns out I do need a physician to fill out a form so I will have to wait until next month when I have insurance. But thank you for the logical thoughts... I get so wrapped up when I feel negative emotions, I kind of lose myself in them. I brought a cushion today and no one said anything.

I have been really stressed & anxious and it's kind of like the Cherry on Top when something went wrong with my back. I'm always waiting for something bad to happen so to speak, when things go right... so when my back hurt so bad yesterday I was just like "Welp!! here it is!!!! right on cue!"

--

Anonymous asked:

First few times I took a flight I dealt with horrible muscular pains the days after, the first few days I could barely walk each time. The reason why that used to happen to me, even though I thought I was relaxed and just sitting, was because I was unconsciously straining my muscles due to stress I wasn’t aware of. Eventually the whole thing became casual to me, so the stress and the pain went away and these days I’m completely unaffected.

Of course a condition such as yours might further exacerbate the pain, but as you get used to the new climate and process I doubt you’ll have to deal with it for months or years. It’ll become like sitting at home.

I think for sure, I was straining when sitting at the chair, because it doesn't have the same type of back (nor is it as wide) as my chair at home... so I feel like my back muscles were straining for hours and I didn't think about it. But also the chair is rather awful (other people were complaining about them, especially with it hurting their thighs!) so I hope I can get an accommodation request.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary406

11/2-3/24

saturday - sunday

gotsa sleep soon.

so despite today being a long and tiring day, i won't be able to put much here about it, but it wasn't bad. i was just sort of dysphoric i guess. like crashing after a sugar rush. it's so much for my tiny nerves to have any positive attention, it's always like this. it has to come slowly, for me to be inoculated.

but, we saw some very fun stuff today, and we're gonna see fun stuff tomorrow!! i have to correct one thing, yesterday i said the owner of hypercore was hiroshi... i was misremembering, it was / is hisashi. i'm dumb!!

so we saw the fashion show this year, that they do at this con. i'd like to walk again in it... like we did the first year. but idk. you never know what you'll walk in and stuff. there was this one brand, ac unit, the woman who runs it with her sister, they were the ones who did the marina and samarie cosplay from yesterday!! this was their first fashion show, i cannot find their instagram!! wow, that is sad. i'll try and find it tomorrow. ummmmm, their little thing made me emotional because the woman who was up there, she started crying talking about how much she loved her sister and mother and how much they helped her, in life and with the making of the garments. she started crying a lot talking about her mom, and then her experience with j-fashion and how it helped her make so many friends, and i wonder about like, where you make those friends... it's always seemed so exclusionary to me but these people are so kind, and this con has a lot of j-fashion stuff where people are making garments that are made with people who have sensory issues and things... they're considerate, and most j-fashion stuff i see a lot is like, hyper-crazy popularity stuff.

we also saw that japanese brand hypercore do their walk, very cute and cool, and a couple others, ghost girl goods was one and she's very kind, it's really incredible how hard she seems to try to get j-fashion brands out there to new people at cons, to make it more of a thing people can tangibly interact with, you know. she works hard at that. it is very nice to see.

after that we milled about for a while, we went to the bowling alley, saw miura ayme do a panel of q&a, then after that, jiluka did their q&a, then we went for food. both q&as were good, of special note, miura ayme said he really likes gunbuster, as far as anime goes, and also dorohedoro, which i still have not read and ought to, but the gunbuster being a favorite is crazy to me. made me feel nice to hear that.

the food was good, i was sleepy, i took selfies in the bathroom let me see if those are okay. it was korean food it was really good actually i ate kimchi fried rice with spam in it... i need to get spam soon. i love cooking with it.

here i am:

i was so sleepy there, i was laying down in the booth we had with my head on my purse. which my gf seemed to like.

then we saw miura ayme perform live, which was cute, fun idol j-rock, then waited for the rave, went to that until we were all kicked out... the guy started the rave with born slippy!!! it got progressively less cool as time went on but that got a lot of good will from me. so i danced, i'm sure my feet will hurt a ton tomorrow since i didn't wear dancing shoes!!

uhmmm, i should sleep now, though, not a lot to say really i guess, ultimately a busy normal day which keeps lots of ruminating away, which is good, because i'll process things i saw, and stuff i recorded later, and it'll give me interesting things in my head.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!