#but I don't really think about them'
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@enbydragon02
having one of those executive function days where everything is too many steps
#We talk about this all the time because 'good day' here is just generally how I live#So when we're talking about it and they see all these steps I didn’t see it's always like 'I mean I of course have to colloe those steps#but I don't really think about them'#Its to me like a computer doing a preprogrammed command. Running 'make coffee' auto-pulls up those mini steps but they're all filed under#one thing.#anyway I absolutely do have days where things take more steps#but I thibk they're rare#while for them it's often taking up maximum steps#*follow not colloe
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let's get ✨vulnerable✨
#this isnt meant to be ship. or suggestive. i dont even wanna tag it as ship tbh#theres something really really lovely about platonically bathing with someone and I think they'd be normal about it#I don't think either of them would wanna spend too much time alone either. after. all that shit#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#chilchuck tims#senshi of izganda#my art#comic
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Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!
(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)
#HEALED FIDDLEFORD HAS ME BOUNCING OFF THE FUCKING WALLS!!!!!!! GIVE THE MAN A BRIGHT HAPPY FUTURE!!! FUCK!!!!!#I don't know how i'm coming off right now#when i say that i've been super manic about them for the past week I really mean it#guys Idk but I think I might be fiddlestans number one fan#I liked this pairing before book of bill and after reading it it only solidified things#IT IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A CRACK SHIP TO ME!!!!!!!!#fiddlestan#gravity falls#anyway this is supposed to be them the next summer#stan is working the shack to tutor soos for tourist season#fiddleford has changed while the twins were on the stan o war#STAN DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL AT FIRST and they have a lot of shit to work through from their past before they can start making out dksjds#sketchbook#traditional art#pencil drawing#traditional drawing#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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I love dunmeshi for the like.. built in horror of consumption. Like they eat to survive, they eat to honor their prey, they eat to possibly mourn someone. Laios eats monsters because he wants to learn more about the things he loves, Senshi eats monsters to feel included in the ecosystem because he didn't fit in with the outside and with most creatures in general, Chilchuck DOESN'T eat as much as he could because eating too much could kill all the party members, Marcille eats monsters and hates it but she still does it because she'll die before she could save Falin.
#i like it when food is depicted as more than food#like its insane to want to eat things you love but also the act of knowing more about what you love is also valid#i think senshis backstory really got to me just because he eats monsters cause hes lonely#but also he eats them because he hopes one of them will taste like that one soup#because then he'll know whether he ate someone he cared about or not#i feel like you could get smn if you compared senshi and laios's opinion on food but i don't want to get into it#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon
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poor Liu Qingge is really going through it in the succubus extra, he just had to go and get a crush on the most oblivious man alive
"Younger than me... we had a rocky start... completely devoted.... often together.... saved each other..... peerless beauty..... outstanding talent.... noble blood.... totally in love with me...... Wow what a weird love fortune! Definitely doesn't match anyone in my life!" says Shen Qingqiu while actively sitting next to one of the two men it perfectly describes
#svsss#liu qingge#shen qingqiu#liushen#sqq#lqg#maybe you could be a LITTLE slower at completely denying everything about the fortune sqq..... for lqg's sake......#succubus: lol what do you know it's not like YOU'RE his fated one#lqg:#lqg: *kill bill siren*#you know in both mdzs and tgcf i'm pretty set on the main ship. don't really feel much need to shake them up#but in svsss i think sqq deserves a harem. i'm willing to ship him around with anyone let's have fun with it#go for it lqg!! it'll be like trying to romance a brick but i believe in you!!#my art
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if you're a white person taking pleasure in the idea that Trump voters of colour are experiencing racist violence from white trumpers because "they got what's coming to them" I don't think you're anti-racist at all, I think you were just waiting for an acceptable target, and you're also fucking weird.
Bad Person Deserves Punishment For Their Sins give me a fucking break and get yourself out of the fucking catholic church. you're all prison abolitionists until you see someone you don't like.
#assholes still do not deserve to be victims of bigotry#people will crow this up and down until they find someone they think is a big enough asshole to really deserve it#watch your cognitive dissonance kids#i really am only speaking to white people here. as a white person.#POC can feel however they feel.#though i still don't think it's an appropriate sentiment to turn into Political Praxis there is of course a need to vent#like idk i don't find any marginalised suffering under fascism funny. i think it's fucking sad.#i think it is sad when right wing gay people experience homophobia and i think it is sad when right wing trans people experience transphobia#and when right wing disabled people experience ableism and when right wing women experience misogyny#leopards eating faces is funny when it's about like. rich people or misogynists or whatever it's.#do you understand that this is punching down?#why are we wasting our energy hoping for the victimisation of specific marginalised people#this would be a great time to do some outreach but instead everyone is just fucking MOCKING THEM#you're so fucking stupid you don't care about The Cause you care about Winning#this shit makes me furious.#have some compassion#the system speaks#USpol#Trump#racism#politics
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Reminiscing about Little Witch Academia.
#personal#delete later#maybe i'll talk about it tomorrow but it's a really cool anime and i'm forever shocked that it was made by trigger#a full cast of teenage girls and absolutely zero fanservice or sexualizing! what a concept!#also i was looking at designs for the bg student characters because they designed a whole student body to fill the school and gave them#names and nationalities and personalities and. there's a middle eastern student who wears a hijab/niqab! how cool is that!!#i don't think i've ever seen rep like that in a mainstream anime and speaks to how they genuinely gave a shit about diversity#you read about all these bg character's details and realize how much they cared about this anime's world#there are these twin from india who are both very protective of their smaller roommate and will get into fights about taking care of her#none of them have lines in the anime#there is a fat side character who is sweet and unapologetically just likes to eat and everyone is friends with her#there is a canonically butch character and an entire episode about her crossdressing as a man
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I have SO many thoughts about everything and they are in no kind of order yet, so here's just some quick little bits in the meantime!
I am not normal about any of these characters!
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers#me just staring at the ceiling thinking about anime characters#if i start talking about the big stuff now it's going to turn into a huge rambling mess so in the meantime#i did not get sebek (yet) (i need to contemplate my gems...) but i did see his groovy#he is just full-on cinderella-sparkles bibbidi-bobbidi-booing into that armor! magnificent.#and i really don't have enough words for how much i love tiny malleus. he is perfect. he is precious. he is everything to me.#he knows who his dad is no matter what some crusty dead talking ectoplasm blobs say#(man no wonder lilia's got hangups if THAT was the general attitude he was getting)#('eww you got your dirty bat cooties on the prince' go sit in the corner with mrs. rosehearts you absolute garbage)#(...i did kind of love that lilia started to wake up because the senate said one nice thing to him)#(and he immediately was like 'this is not reality')#(sounds about right)#on a lighter note i was just. SO charmed by the little throwaway about ✨dragon lord consort esteemed diplomat revaan✨#who picks the vegetables out of his food and hides them under the tablecloth#everything i learn about this man makes me like him more. he was SO dumb.#now we know where malleus gets it from i guess#also unrelated but once again the fact that i named my mc tamago has had unintentional consequences#tamago take the tamago and tamago tamagao tamago#frikkin love that when yuu gives the egg back you can just be like 'i love him. this is my baby now.' 100% accurate.#also yuu continually referring to malleus as tsunotarou even to the senate = amazing. yuu really has NO self-preservation or awareness.#they fit right in with everyone else#<- see what did i tell you. huge rambling mess.#and i haven't even BEGUN to talk about MELEANOR -- (is dragged offstage by a hook)
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FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 36-39)
* To note. Her hands are scaly. * And...unexpectedly wet?
[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]
#srry I posted this late I didn't realize the time aaaaa#ALPHYS!!IS HERE!!!#Really wanted to dedicate some time to her introduction...#not sure how I feel about the dialogue in this one but ehh good enough#Can't be a perfectionist#It's interesting writing interactions between these two#we don't get a lot of Gaster and Alphys interactions in fanworks for some reason??? which I never realized??WHY#And on top of that#We don't get Papyrus and Alphys interactions either??but they do have a lot in common! and are mutuals online lmao!#so this is interesting to write since I don't really have a baseline#and they JUST met each other so it's mostly just awkward LMAO#they're both so awkward but I think Wingdings can dissimulate it better#forgettable-au#forgettable-au-comic#undertale comic#papyrus is gaster#undertale au#undertale#papyrus!gaster#gaster#alphys#ALSO#YES#WINGDINGS HANDS DON'T HAVE HOLES IN THEM#y e t#kind of??
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Part two of the reverse verse is here! The reverse boys meet the original boys. They're not really getting along as well as I had hoped...
Again, this was a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are and they asked for angst/funny vibes... I think it's mostly just angst though. Oh, well...
Part one
#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#there's a lot i could say about this one#the idea of someone telling edwin he's go to hell is absurd as it is#edwin telling edwin? lmao#the charles... oh they hate each other#reverse charles is angry (he always is) because this other version of himself was spared hell... in exchange for edwin going there?#obviously it doesn't work like that. og charles hadn't even been born when his edwin was sent to hell#but anger is not a rational thing. especially not for this boy#og charles? you don't want to know what he's thinking#i'm telling you anyways#he... kind of agrees. if someone had to go to hell#why edwin? why not him? there is an universe in which that happened#so why not this one? unfair#then again... look at this charles who did go to hell#he's explosive. he's DANGEROUS#he shouldn't be near edwin#if og charles had gone to hell would he be the same? would he be too angry to be trusted? would he be like his father?#and if so would that really count as saving edwin at all?#if this is the kind of best friend poor edwin would end up with?#on a happier note though#physical contact!! reverse charles loves it#i don't have all the details but his hell was on the rage ring so it was different to the dollhouse.#and it was a very violent place so boy loves gentle touches#luckily edwin is more willing to give them to him with each year#i think what the edwins are feeling is a lot more clear#but still would love to hear your thoughts
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finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using
#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for?#open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer)#maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel#once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs#i respected their commitment to the theme#but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities#dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton#ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered#i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it#aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment#honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet#letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already.#really i've put off my responsibilities long enough#(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings)#(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time)#(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.)#(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)
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I want to replay Indika very bad lately
#art#indika#? honestly this game is so obscure i don't believe that anyone knows about it#sometimes i feel like it's just my hallucination#whatever the hell is going on in indika's head i really feel that lately#now that I think about it Indika and Imri would have a lot to talk about#both have devils around that bother them all the time
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It's honestly frustrating that I've seen non-Russian queer people almost bragging about how they would be illegal in Russia, labeled an extremist or terrorist. Russian queers are in danger, their government has made it clear where it stands, and it's made this effort for the better part of a decade (even longer, perhaps). This will kill people, don't mistake this for a quirky little proclamation from a government, akin to somebody saying the sky is pink. Russian queer people were already expressing their fear, and the least we can do now is express our love for them, and advocate with them.
Russian queer people, I love you. I love you all so much. I am so sorry, I cannot begin to express the grief that I feel, and I hope that you are safe. Words cannot encapsulate how I feel as a non-Russian, and I cannot hope to comprehend how it feels to actually be in this situation.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#ofc this has been brewing for a long time and it has been really troubling to say the very LEAST#honestly i have seen russian queers joke about the situation which feels different. honestly it's almost admirable#i just can't find it funny to see non-Russians do it simply because the threat of prosecution or death for people is too high in my mind#it feels almost voyeuristic when non-russians joke like that to me#like i've joked about the state of (us)american queer rights when it feels too bleak but i live here#i guess when people only joke about it it tells me they don't think it's a big deal or that it won't affect queer people...#...because it won't affect them as an outsider likely#it's just shitty. all around. and it's the type of thing that i'm not sure what to do#queerphobia#queerphobia tw
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Watching this again, it becomes incredibly clear in s3 that Nate is teaching Parker how to run her own crew. He fully anticipates that she will be his legacy, and more than anyone else---more than Sophie or Hardison, more than Eliot (though I would argue that Eliot never even slightly wanted it)---he is teaching her how to take over, think like he thinks and plan like he plans. He fumbles some of the emotional stuff, never actually tells her explicitly...but by the time you reach s3 he's clearly all-in. He's decided. Parker is going to be Nate 2.0, with different more exciting bugs than the 1.0 version.
#there's a handful of scenes in subsequent episodes where it's the two of them standing in the control room#and poring over schematics and documents#discussing between them how to move chess pieces around the board. it's subtle but it stands out.#(aftshadowing? I guess? not sure what foreshadowing is when the shadows didn't exist at the time.)#anyway I'm just fascinated by nate and parker. two people who are different in every way except#their weird. it vibrates at the same frequency.#they like art but mostly for non-artistic reasons. they think a lot about insurance plans and security systems.#they don't....really understand people except the 3-4 humans that are sometimes okay.#they both go weak the moment you introduce a child to the mix - but it also throws their alien strangeness in sharp relief.#anyway.#leverage
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i never realized, in the beginning of weirdmaggedon 1, bill says that he's "been trapped inside my own decaying dimension." Ik a lot of people depict him like going other places after destroying his universe, but I guess that he really couldn't. that was the whole point of him trying to get ford to build the portal for him, so he WOULDN'T be stuck in the 2d dimension. everyone he met, he met through traveling through the nightmare dimension and the dreamscape. He'd never seen any of them in person.... which would mean that his physical self had to be stuck on euclydia, right??? that means every time he wasn't invading people's dreams, every time he woke up, he was right back at his home dimension where he killed everyone. Just kinda... i dunno, floating in space? like oh my fucking god, no wonder he was never able to get over it for millions of years. jesus christ yeah the guy needs therapy, every single one of his wounds are scabs that never got to even start the healing process.
#bill cipher#gravity falls#tbob#the book of bill#tbob spoilers#talkbox#just thoughts ig#like oh my goddddddd and fords like the first guy he ever talked to about like. anything.#he told his henchmaniacs but from the page on the website its pretty clear he spiced it up for them#i don't even think he told THEM that he killed them all right????#cus when they talk to time baby#time babys like BROOO HE KILLED EVERYONE HE KNEW#and they're all like ??? uh?? you said you liberated your dimension dude what the fuck#like he's not even telling his evil friends about the evil thing he did#issuuueeessssssssssssssssssssssssss#like obviously its shrouded in jokes bc bill is never fucking serious#but i do just think he really fucking hates himself more than anyone#awhhh boo hoo clap if you care
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