#but I don't have the self discipline bc by the time i remember i was gonna XIV is open

[lesenbyan]

I need to suck it up and buckle in and force myself to learn to draw

[seelestia]

⟡ within your waking thoughts (there i’ll be).

⎯ what do they do when they miss you? how do they cope with yearning when you're away? { y for yearning ノ ordered by @floraldresvi! (sorry for the ping!) }

RESERVED FOR! ノ characters. aventurine, sunday, dr. ratio ft. gn!reader. { 1.3k words }

FLAVOR! ノ genre. fluff, slight angst (my apology to sunday lovers yet again), established relationship.

TOPPINGS! ノ tags. aventurine has his tech savvy moment, pre-2.2 sunday (heavy references but no spoilers), ratio has two phones (king of separating work & personal life !!!).

BAKER’S NOTE! ノ thoughts. a repost! bcs tumblr didn't like it the first time. hopefully, this one will be here to stay. thank u to vivi for requesting this ‹3

© seelestia on tumblr, may 2024. please do not repost, plagiarize, translate, use for AI-related purposes or claim as your own.

in your absence, aventurine welcomes little thoughts of you that float around his mind with open arms - and the way he indulges them is by simply texting you. effective and efficient, there is a reason why the cosmos calls it the second most used means for long distance communication. what about the first? well, he would've opted for calling you with his earpiece if only his line of work doesn't require 90% of its usage time.

let's just say the idea of fellow stonehearts interrupting his conversation with you ruins the fun. besides, he has deft fingers; coin tricks aren't the only thing in his book, you know, typing a few sentences in one go is no problem at all.

but maybe, he is using that too much to his advantage . . . considering the “25+” staring back at you from your notifications every few hours or so. aventurine is truly, irrevocably relentless.

anything even remotely in your favorite color found within his vicinity? new message: Saw something that reminded me of you, you must really like crossing my mind.

an item he thinks would fit you well? new message: I got you a gift. Does it suit your fancy? [1 attachment]

reminded of how cruel fate is to separate you two for so long? new message: Haven't seen your face in a while. Fifteen hours are a total too cruel, don't you agree?

have faith that you will never grasp the true meaning of boredom when you’re apart from him. luck follows a man like aventurine, so do interesting events - remember how he won a vacation to a resort with one chip? he revels in telling you stories of his encounters while you're away. it is as if thrill revolves around him constantly. . . one wonders just how he fares living on the edge of it all.

(you, for one, are aware of his ways. he has allowed you to wander far enough behind his masquerade, after all.)

of course, texts on an illuminated screen can barely compare to seeing you in person. he prefers having you in his arms instead - but he'll live. solitude is an old friend of his, albeit distant and cold, aventurine can deal with its company every once in a while. at the end of the day, he knows you’ll be there when he comes home.

though, it's such a shame he cannot see your face when you're apart. the curve of your lips as you smile, the twinkle in your eyes with his reflection in them, and. . . ah, seems like he is making this harder for himself. maybe, he should consider buying that HD holographic communicative device on the market? his ears caught wind of some P45 officers at pier point whispering about it before.

it'll cost a large sum of credits but hey, he thinks it'll be worth it. for you? anything is possible.

(...him? clingy? well, guilty as charged.)

sunday’s self-discipline is not something to be underestimated. halovians are a species known for their enchanting voices, yet he feels as if he cannot spare any for even his inner thoughts. what an irony. his longing for your presence is persistent, tumbling at the edge of his tongue - but he is equally as, if not more, stubborn and so he swallows this yearning down instantly.

you are not confined to the dreamscape like he is, as self-imposed as that may be. sunday is aware of that, hence his first instinct is to keep quiet. the curse of sealing his lips till forevermore; watching you leave through the grand doors, letting his gaze fall to where your shadow used to be, savoring the last of your remaining fragrance from when you last bade him goodbye - all without a word.

(don't go, he wished he could say.)

is it a bad habit? “your voice shouldn't be used just to utter words that others want to hear,” you reminded him once. “it's also for you. it's yours.”

but even then, your words are akin to a faint whisper; muffled by the thoughts that plague his mind like a mist. he can't help how they fog up his reflection in the mirror, leaving remnants of something acrid that wafts in the air. something like doubts, sunday would know because he has dwelled in it for as long as he remembers.

you are outside, fluttering your wings in the sky and enjoying what it has to offer. does he have any rights to disturb you? perhaps, in his eyes, sunday views himself as a string tied around your talon, trailing all the way from the heavens where you soar to the humble ground where he resides. each time your absence compels him to reach out, it is as if he’s tugging on that string and dragging you lower from the height you truly relish in, from the height you deserve to be at.

(sunday believes that you belong to the sky, unlike him.)

so here, he shall stay and here, he shall wait until you return. sunday’s heart begins to grow cold - but the farewell kiss you've left on the apple of his cheek hasn't faded. its warmth remains, even when he brushes his freezing hand against it, it remains.

you remain.

(and that is enough for him.)

dr. ratio is a man with a packed schedule, so it's safe to say he keeps himself occupied particularly well. tasks at the intelligentsia guild are nothing short of demanding, after all. there are researchers asking for his input left and right, although some tremble while speaking to him even when he hasn't even uttered a word yet. ignoring that, he also aids in projects that require his expertise. last but not least, his students and classes which he takes very seriously.

(but be careful with how you phrase it — the doctor doesn't view them as distractions, no, he sees them as his responsibilities — saying the former might offend him.)

as you can see, he is perfectly capable of spending time away from you. . . .or at least, until it's time for a break and a part of that perfection chips off.

his office is quite tranquil, free from outside noise, just the way he likes. this place bears a similar purpose as his headgear, to let him focus in silence without disturbance - but he hasn't expected that exact silence to be this deafening. hah, how absurd! in what realm of possibility could silence ever be associated with deafening as an adjective? he supposes it could be a case of tinnitus. . . but veritas knows that isn't the case.

something's missing and it is, much to his dismay, you.

veritas has his standards. he prefers things to be set at a specific level - and this level of silence, one marred further by your lack of presence, is too low for him. he's getting too used to seeing you barge into his office with neatly packed sandwiches in your hands, a revelation he'd rather keep to himself.

veritas reaches for his personal phone, his work one left neglected at the far end of the desk. he considers making a call to you but the clock is ticking. tick tock tick tock, as if to hang the fact that his break is reaching its end over his head.

utilizing whatever time he has left, his finger gives the gallery app a tap. various pictures pop up on the screen; selfies of you with silly expressions, candid shots of veritas himself and some photos of random objects like your matching mugs. all of these were taken by you, of course. seriously, is this his phone or is it yours?

who knows at this point? he nearly lets out a snort, but that smile on his face is fooling no one. the doctor continues scrolling through his gallery, utterly content with just this until he gets home. to you.

(yes, yes, this still counts as keeping himself occupied. thank you for your concern.)

— thank you for reading! reblogs with comments are most appreciated.

[idontmindifuforgetme]

You are so productive and living your best life I admire it so much! I don't understand how you do it... do you have any advice for forcing yourself to do the things you know are good for you even when you are feeling sad and not up to it? Have a lovely day ❣️❣️❣️

Plan your day hour by hour. This actually revolutionized my life. Plan when you’ll wake up, plan what you’ll do every hour of the day, and make it as realistic as possible to stick to your goals. Start with simple things and gradually ramp it up. Don’t overwhelm your day with 60 different goals. I’d pair one passive goal (be on your phone less, for example) with one active goal (study more, take more walks, read more) and go from there. It’s better to start small and be consistent than to start big and quit one day in.

Lower the resistance necessary to accomplish tasks. If you have somewhere to be early tomorrow, plan your outfit the night before. If you have studying to do, have your textbooks/notebooks/notes on your desk by the time you wake up. If you have an overwhelming task, break it into smaller subtasks and focus on them one at a time. If you don’t want to be on your phone in the morning, charge it somewhere you won’t be able to see the moment you open your eyes. I’m trying to overcome the phone issue right now, so instead of setting an alarm on my phone I just bought a digital alarm clock bc I know I’m way less likely to get on my phone that way. I’m lowering the effort needed to actually get started on a task.

Have motivational things handy for when you’re down!! I’m a highly visual person, so it actually really helps me to make moodboards. I have moodboards for things I wanna accomplish, moodboards for things I’ve already accomplished, a Pinterest board for affirmations etc etc. I have a list on my notes app for all the reasons why it’s important to me to accomplish my goals. I have another notes app page dedicated to pasting all the motivational quotes that help me whenever I’m in a funk. You could even print them and hang them up on your wall if you want. In times where instant gratification overshadows getting things done, make it very accessible to remember why they’re important to you to begin with.

Romanticize your tasks. I make silly to-do lists, I make sure I’m always in cute outfits when I’m running errands, I put on perfume and mascara and lip gloss even if I’m literally all on my own in my bedroom about to do a 3 hour study session. I love getting manicures bc there’s nothing more satisfying than studying with pretty dark red fall nails. This may sound extra but I go through my notes pretending I’m Elle Woods or something bc it makes it so much fun. A huge part of why I’m consistent with going to the gym is bc I buy pretty workout fits that just make me feel good. I wear lingerie under my clothes wherever I am bc it makes me feel like a bad bitch even if no one sees it. I don’t start a task with the thought in mind that I want to get it done already—I try to make the act of doing it in and of itself as engaging as possible.

To piggyback off that point, switch your environment if your current one isn’t serving you. Don’t just default to quitting if one approach isn’t working. If studying in your bedroom isn’t doing it, go to the nearest coffee shop. If the coffee shop isn’t working, do the library. Study indoors. Study outdoors. Study in nature. Hell study at a beach if you want to. It doesn’t matter where you are if you’re getting things done. Exhaust all your alternatives before calling it quits.

Set firm boundaries with yourself. This is so big. Self-care is absolutely treating yourself, but it’s also being your own parent and disciplining yourself if you feel like you’re not putting your all into something. In a world where it’s very easy to go “just a few more minutes on my phone” “I’ll do it tomorrow” “I can skip working out today” it’s really important to be able to parent yourself and exercise some tough love and do some things even if you don’t feel like you want to. I really struggle with this as a gen z girl bc this is THE era of instant gratification. But my goals are just more important to me than momentary comfort.

No zero days. Just bc you’re not being your 100% on one day doesn’t mean you should just lie down and do nothing. Being at 50% performance is better than being at 0%. I try to make sure I get some light tasks done on days where I don’t feel like going all in. It helps me not feel like I’ve just derailed my whole life, which consequently helps me move on from my ruts faster.

Look ahead. Can not emphasize this enough. Death motivates me like nothing else. You do not have an infinite time on this earth. You don’t want to be at the same place you’ve been at a year from now. Resist the “I’ll do it tomorrow” mentality as much as possible. Change happens in small increments & there’s no better time for it than the present. What may seem like little things you can skip out on now can quickly snowball into the very things that are preventing you from being where you want to be.

Acknowledge your limits. Someone with two full-time jobs and school should not be comparing themself to the progress of someone with one part-time job and like nothing else. I’m currently studying full-time and also trying to maintain a consistent workout routine, so I don’t expect myself to recreationally read more than 30 minutes a day, even if ideally I’d like that time to be way higher. I know it’s pointless to compare myself to someone who reads 70 books a month but has much less workload than I do. Comparison is inherently flawed bc no one else has been the dealt the cards you’ve been dealt. Tailor your schedule to your own unique situation. Make a list of your priorities and assign them to your hours accordingly.

Listen to your needs!! Mental health is the most important thing. You need to be in tune with yourself to know when you could be pushing yourself a little harder, and when it’s necessary to give yourself time off. If I’m in an actual burnout, I go out with friends. I go see a movie. I give myself the grace of being human and step back for a little bit. It’s completely okay to have those days, and acknowledging them helps you recover quicker. Take care of yourself <3

[youremyheaven]

i'm a different anon but girl, i'm so sorry that happened to you. i had the same first time experience as you and i wholeheartedly agree w/ your advice. don't sleep w someone just to not be a virgin bc being one isn't even a bad thing & it's infinitely better than having to heal from such an intimate form of assault especially when it's the only sexual experience you know. personally i'm still healing from it & it seems like it will just last forever. if you don't mind me asking since i know it's a sensitive topic, is there anything in particular that has helped you heal? i'm sending you a lot of warmth & love ❤️🫂

hi love<3

thank you, i appreciate it <3 and im sending u the same love and healing✨

in some ways i am still healing from that experience even though it was almost a decade ago. more than the memory of it, its the physical and emotional repercussions it had on me that were challenging to navigate, for a long time after that i thought i was asexual, lost my libido, lost touch with my femininity and compounded by many other abusive experiences made me avoid the mirror entirely.

for me what truly changed my whole life was yoga and meditation. specifically yin yoga, women carry a lot of tension in their hips and practicing yin yoga (there are many yin yoga, hip release flow type guided videos on YT if you search for them!!) helped my body feel so loose and fluid and relaxed?? i didnt know how stressed my muscles were until i realized what true relaxation felt like. i remember those initial days of practice, i felt such a profound emotional release as well, like a weight was leaving my chest. relearning sensuality, feeling comfortable in embodying it and reframing sex and my perspective towards it has been a slow journey and some of it is easier than others. but i am doing sooo much better than i was before. meditation also really helped me feel more safe and comfortable in my body and not feel like i had to always be on the lookout for danger or assess other people's intentions. keep in mind, these are not things you can expect overnight changes from. you have to be patient and disciplined and just do it without any expectation. eventually it gets easier. also it keeps you more in tune with your body and intuition and helps with knowing what situations or people to avoid.

i have also been practicing tantric meditation and it has also helped me immensely but i think you should approach tantra after you've reached a point of healing and peace bc tantra can awaken some powerful energies and it can be a lot to handle.

taking care of myself has also helped me. its so funny how when i was struggling with my ed, body dysmorphia and numerous other issues, i did nothing to make myself feel good bc i didnt think i deserved it but by doing things (it can be as simple as applying lotion after a shower, whatever self care habits that make you feel good about yourself!!) that make me feel good, i feel good??? its like those people who say 'omg im so lazy i cant do the dishes' but the truth is you feel lazy bc you havent done the dishes so if you do the dishes you wont feel lazy. i hope this weird analogy makes sense lol. basically do things that feel good and you will feel good, it sounds really basic and almost stupid but i feel like most people wait until they've "earned" it or are "worthy" but the truth is doing it is what will make you feel like you deserve it, if u catch my drift.

anywaaayyys thats all, <333

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

I mean, seeing what the ISU Awards has become... do we really want Shoma (and Stephane) to be involved in that mess? It's so... self-celebratory, lol. The phrase "I'll scratch your back if you'll scratch mine" comes to mind. Saw a FS fan who was at Zurich tweeted that the crowd don't even know or care much about the skaters when they were given awards... honestly even Stephane, a Switzerland citizen (!!!) chose to go to Tokyo this week to do dance classes and watch the Paris Opera Ballet. Anyway if people really want to watch a really good ice show, Daisuke's ice show KASSOUYA in Fukuoka was also running this weekend and they allow fancams... from what I can see on X/Twitter it's much better than AOI, sorry not sorry.

KASSOUYA seems indeed a wonderful ice show. The snippets look very cool. I wonder what brought them to allow fancams and if they keep it that way or only because they wanted to promote the show in sns 🤔 In Japan ice shows are growing. I am glad for every opportunity for the skaters.

In a way Shoma is involved in the award anyway. He was in the nominations, even if he didn't win. Not that this award has any sort of negative or positive impact on anyone really. I think Shoma would just deserve more recognition by the ISU. That's all, not that the award itself is worth anything. I guess nobody will be remembered for earning a skating award. Yet Shoma and Kaori not winning against Ilia when Ilia is here for two seasons and did get one title only feels odd. If it's solely on social media engagement well than Adam's backflip gained huge attention at Euros, Kaori's SP last season was literally retweeted by Janet Jackson herself, Livia Kaiser's FS was retweeted by Rachel Zegler and beside that it shows that ISU is not aware of what Shoma did for the sport. OPOI brought another crowd to figure skating. (SOI in the US just got canceled for the season for a lack of interest as it appears btw) But ofc this whole award show is playing into the hand of those ppl who always had a say in skating North America and Europe. Ilia's management is practically involved in the show, so winning an award two times in a row - one which was just invented for him last season - a devlish thought may come to mind 🙃

I think the crowd for an ice show is different than for a competition. At Nebelhorn Trophy usually the arena is more packed for the gala than for the actual competition. Those ppl there don't come bc of the names of the skaters, they come for a fun evening like going to the circus. I also went couple of times to Holiday on Ice, I was also at Disney on Ice (ice shows that come to my hometown are an easy choice to go to). At Holiday on Ice last year Papadakis/Cizeron were invited and I totally chose a date where they would perform in the show bc of them, however in the crowd most ppl didn't know who they were and didn't care. They liked their performance but you could see just a few excited fans. You can see by the reactions to the jumps (which are usually just doubles) that the cast performs there that ppl don't come bc of the sport but bc of the show. They would clap as enthusiatically for a double than for a triple. So I am not surprised the ppl didn't care much for the winners at Art on Ice, most ppl there probably didn't even know them but came for an ice show.

Stephane performed often on Art on Ice so I don't think it had anything to do with that, probably didn't rather fit his schedule. Makes you wonder though if he would have won if he would have performed there. Because very comically all winners were also present at Art on Ice...🙃

Maybe Shoma didn't win because he would not attend Art on Ice at this point of the season 🤔😂 just kidding...

I am not against those ppl that won at all, even happy for Deanna Stellato Dudek, she deserves the world as a role model. Just being the only Pairs skater to even get anything is showing how much ISU cares for all disciplines. Also the nominations of most categories just show that ice dance and Pairs have no value.

[blubushie]

This is gonna sound weird bc we are on the site that has a huge fan base for it bit have you read any of Terry Pratchett's Disworld books/series?

Because if not I feel you'll enjoy them bc there MO is basicly Sir Terry flipping tropes/archetypes on their head while giving damning thought provoking commentary on society but in that same breathe give hopeful encouragement for change/ the future. His word play is also very witty and sticks with you. Some of his older works have blatant prejudice bc you know author bias but he has apologized for such things and worked to learn more about the groups he was prejudice towards and has rectified it the following books related to those older works.

The Witches series and the City Watch series I feel would mesh well with you bc it has its main characters that it sort of centers around be curmudgeons who prove that doing/being good is an action and a discipline.

The Witches series play with the genre of fairy tales and Shakespeare and it's sort of interesting how the Witches series play with that; in the aspect that the Witches in that World are self aware of the tropes. ( The third book of this series plays with it as the Main Character goes off on how they wanted to be one half of a duo trope (like red oni, blue oni) but since the other half of the duo chose that part they resigned themselves to play the remaining part/trope.)

The City Watch is what would happen if the noir genre was dropped kicked into a fantasy world. Here we have our main character introduced with him drunk in the gutter and he is one of the most noble and righteous man in the city and it's bc of that, is way he's drunk and in the gutter. This series deals with if fantasy aspects were real how would it become mundane and off course police corruption/brutality and reform.

I also feel the Mort series would entertain you since it's about Death as a character and in a way slowly becoming humanized. Like he is Death but it's also his job to be Death and on his off time he enjoys other things and is not just doom and gloom. He has family, he likes cats and his horse name is Binky. The Reaper Man even though it's the second book in the Mort series, it's the book that plays with the Western genre and it's the one where Death gets fired from his job. It also has one of my favorite and comforting quotes, '“LORD, WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?”' [To me, maybe bc I'm Mexican, I enjoy when death is not viewed as a horrible thing but as a process of life and as a being that will be your companion when you leave life behind.]

Sorry for the short info dump 😬 😅😅 just thought you might like the series.

I tried to get into it sometime last year at the recommendation of a mate and basically got the reading version of executive dysfunction that I get whenever I try to get into a long-running series, which is to say I started reading Men At Arms (as I like crime novels I figured it was a good place to start, at least to picque my interest in the series as a whole) and just got overwhelmed with the sheer amount of books. There's a reason I never finished the Warriors series and never touched Harry Potter—you kinda lose me past three installments. It's one thing if I'm growing up with them and have time to process the lore (looks at World of Warcraft and their expansions that I can remember Too Much Lore About even far after I've stopped playing the game) but if I'm coming into a long-running series... Well, unfortunately my information retention isn't that good. I don't have time to mull over and learn things before I'm hit with the desire to pick up a new book, which means I don't retain much at all.

It's not that things get confusing, just that they get extremely overwhelming. Choice overload. There's this intense dread of "I am not going to have time to finish these books" and the awareness that I will get bored of them quickly as they won't provide much in the sense of having accomplished something, unlike when I've actually finished a novel or shorter series. This is also a lead reason why I haven't worked on LTBs in a while—the sheer scope of how much I have left to write has burnt me out.

ADHD is a bitch.

[libra-stellium]

My recent Venus transits!

Description from Planets in transit - Robert Hand

Venus trine Pluto (Apr 1 - Apr 5)

Transit intensifies your emotional expression and makes relationships more intense

It's already 4/16 and I swear I'm still feeling this lol leading up to the eclipse on 4/8 I remember thinking about "omg....am I happy..??" bc I was feeling joy randomly like walking around smiling type of shit lmao and at first I was like omg this is embarrassing but then I looked back to exactly a year ago and I was definitely cosplaying joy oops but not anymore!

Under Venus-Pluto love is not an intellectual abstraction, it is felt and expressed through the mind, emotions and body

So real! I go through periods where I don't listen to music and then I remember music exists and I get obsessed and I could feel every single song and I was telling everyone about what I was currently loving lol I also started getting back into fandoms and like being part of the group excitement feels so great!

Transit is capable of producing profound and useful psychological insights, don't be afraid of them

My pluto is in the 9H and I was having a lot of thoughts about religion lol I'm not religious at all but I was thinking it's so crazy how in the same weekend I was thinking "wow...religion is probably the worst thing to happen to humanity!" One of my friends was getting baptized to dedicate her life to the lord like...omg lol and I was talking to my aunt about religion too bc in 2020 when everything was closed she had literally been a completely different person mentally, a better person, and the only change was that she wasn't going to church and now she's back and her thoughts are insufferable to me again lmao

Venus opposite Sun (Apr 5 - Apr 8)

Transit introduces pleasantness into your life through good times, agreeable relationships, sexual attraction and friendship

This transit was such a fun time! Been feeling very happy and it was the weekend and the day of the eclipse and I after the eclipse went exact! I was talking to a lot of my friends more than usual and we were cracking jokes the whole time lol tears streaming down my face jokes lmao

The problems you'll confront are overindulgence, lack of self discipline, and unwillingness to work

Yeah I did overdo it at happy hour 4/5 and felt like shit 4/6 lol and I looked at my budget app to see I ordered food every single day from 4/1-4/7 and I was like omg that's embarrassing!

Venus trine Jupiter (Apr 10 - Apr 14)

One of the best transits that brings grace, ease, and pleasant social interactions

Loved this transit! I have venus sextile jupiter natally so as a native venus-jupiter girlie I was thriving! It was great how easily I was making people laugh lmao I love that so much!! I was with friends on 4/13 and had a great time even tho the event we were at tried to scam us! I even made one of my coworkers laugh lmao I'm remote so it was over email and she said "that is hysterical!!!" to a joke I made about our case I was so proud!

You may meet someone who will be of great service later

Idk if it counts as "meeting" but I had a meeting with my mentor on 4/11 and she connected me with someone over email and we scheduled to talk in june lol hopefully the "great service" is her helping get a new job!

There may be a romantic interest throughout the day but transit isn't strong enough to bring about a major relationship

Thissss!! Okay when I wrote out the transit I was about to leave this out bc I have not been dating and I've only been hanging out with my own friends if I leave my apt lol but on 4/13 my friend's sister invited some of her friends and this guy was so obvious with his crush on me lol he wasn't my type but it was adorable how he was like intrigued by me saying basic things and the place didn't have a lot of seating and after getting a drink I came back to the table and he like jumped up to let me sit LMFAO ngl i love when men are obsessed with me like this

Transit benefits financial interest, good day to invest in entertainment, leisure activities or the arts

I finally got paid that half of my check that was missing! And it worked out so perfectly bc I kept my money in my checking and didn't transfer it to my credit card in case they didn't pay me again and when I saw I got paid i transferred it immediately on the same day my card statement closes and usually the bank takes days to process but they did it in less than 12hrs and my statement closed at $0!! love that for me lol

Not a good day to start things that require a lot of energy, you may be inclined to sit around and do nothing

I was chilling on 4/14 watching TV and tiktok and then my bestie and I made some event reservations for our trip!

Venus opposite Venus (Apr 12 - Apr 16)

Pleasant transit, you feel at ease with yourself and self-indulgent, which is fine as long as you don't have work to be done

Real chill time! I'm starting to look around like....it's suspicious i'm not doing anything

You are likely to buy some expensive frivolity on a whim or an expensive pasttime only to regret the cost later

The only thing I bought was the amsterdam city card thing and a flight to come back home from NY lmfaooo that better not be what I regret later! The flight we bought we got first class seats only because the economy ticket plus paying for a bag was $10 less than first class lol that's a no brainer to me!

[seraphtrevs]

so chuck doesnt have kids which is in character and im glad he doesnt bc he would be a terrible dad. however, i was reading a post u made about how chuck views love, and how its difficult to wrap his head around unconditional love and how he prefers the conditional "love" of the workplace and it got me thinking. if he had a kid would he love them unconditionally and would it change his views on love? or would it also be conditional love. high demands, love and affection dependent on achievements etc.

I actually don't remember that post 😅 (A sign I blog too hard about BCS? Perhaps.) It sounds like something I would say though lol

I think I need to do a detour to Chuck and Jimmy's childhood first, which I've been meaning to write for a while anyway. Because clearly something was going on with the McGills for both Chuck and Jimmy to feel so insecure about being loved. From the flashback and from what Chuck says of them, they genuinely seem to be like gentle and caring people, so I think Chuck and Jimmy were well-loved and had all their needs met. So what gives?

I feel like maybe the McGills were a little too self-sacrificing. I think they were very religious and were constantly making sacrifices for other people, which we know is definitely true of his dad, who gave away so much money to anyone with a hard-luck story. And maybe their folks focused so much on being good Christians that their kids always came last and were expected to be equally self-sacrificing and humble. Like, maybe the McGills were the kind of parents who made their children give their toys away to less fortunate kids as a lesson in generosity, which is not something a small child is going to appreciate. He's just getting his toy taken away. That would explain why Jimmy is so greedy and fixated on luxury

It would make sense to me why both of them felt the need to get their parents' attention. Chuck did it with overachieving, graduating high school at 14 and continuing to excel academically, and then professionally. But no matter how much success he achieved, he still didn't feel secure in his parents' love, a feeling that was made worse by how Jimmy got most of the attention and (I'm guessing) affection because he was the sweet little baby. Chuck was an adult by the time Jimmy was out of diapers - and it sounds like he'd been an adult since his mid-teens. Even though he really was too old for sibling rivalry, it's not hard to see how he would resent baby Jimmy, who was maybe getting the childhood Chuck opted out of

Jimmy's strategy of acting out was a lot more successful than Chuck's in getting parental attention (although not the kind of attention he needed), so Jimmy was constantly fretted over. They were incapable of disciplining him, so they would call Chuck to come have a talk with Jimmy and try to get him to behave himself. They both resented it.

So what would Chuck be like as a dad? I actually don't think his love would be conditional on achievement, because I don't think that's what was going on with the McGills, who I think might have been a little bewildered at their genius son. However, he would be extremely strict to avoid another Jimmy situation, and also emphasize hard work. So it's not so much that he would expect his kid to be brilliant, but he would expect him to be perfectly behaved at all times. With his luck, though, he'd get another Jimmy. Like with Jimmy, he would always love this child, but it's a love that his kid wouldn't be able to perceive easily. They would just always feel like a disappointment

[fair-dinkum-mechanic]

I'm going to try and put this into words again but I always fail because it's so overwhelming and makes no sense to try and intellectualise such an innate feeling of dread that has been with me since I was a small child.

If anyone has an input on this (bc it's been a thing latent in my brain ever since I can remember) please dm me. I need to know what this is bc I believe it's where a significant chunk of my mental illness lies.

So ever since I was a young kid I NEVER felt I fit in. At first I thought I was just weird in general, but then I started to realise I didn't fit in with "masculine" things. I remember even was I was 2-6 years old adults commenting that I wasn't like the other boys, I was interested in reading and making my own little worlds and not running around or kicking a ball or anything like that. Now I know most queer men experience this in childhood, but what I mean extends further than that I feel. I truly felt like I was defective. Something was deeply, deeply wrong with me for not enjoying the things i was supposed to enjoy. From a VERY early age I was friends with girls. Some boys sure but I always thought the girls were nicer, cooler, something to aspire to. But I didn't grow out of that. I never saw myself as a "male" I just kinda... existed? But of course masculine things were FORCED on me every day and the anxiety I used to get going into school, or going home, or picking out clothes to wear, was terrifying. I remember being called a poof by my family in a joking way but I could see that deep down they were terrified that I was gay. It was not an acceptable thing to be in my family, it was explicitly stated by all members several times. But I never, ever related to anything masculine. I am spiritually estranged from my dad and my brother, where I can't even stand to speak to them because they were both so aggressively value and prioritise masculine views and ways. I would have "crushes" on girls but all that was, was me imagining cuddling with them or hugging them or going on cute dates and if I ever imagined it getting sexual, or even a kiss that was too passionate I was repulsed. So clearly, I was gay from a young age but didn't know it.

But now in my life, almost at 30, I still don't relate to masculinity. I don't know what's wrong with me. So many gay men, most of them I see actually, have been able to embrace it. Especially as someone who is older, and mostly a "top" there's a certain role I'm expected to fulfil, in order to be worthy of a relationship or anything like that. I did go to the gym every secondd day for a few years, and even then I wasn't lifting hard or monitoring my gains or doing ANYTHING like that because I can't think of anything worse, but that's what these men do. And on the other end of the spectrum, I'm not a feminine guy either. I'm put off by long nails and long hair on men (sexually, honestly do whatever you want with your body and slay), but like I don't find interest in makeup or fashion or any of those traditionally "feminine" things. Though I do see more merit in those than the opposite.

But I still have this internal view of what I need to be to be worthy of living in this world. I'm a man. I'm not trans, I've had that debate years ago in myself and found that out. But I'm not a man. But living as one there are certain things I need to be, certain ways I'm expected to behave, ways I'm supposed to look and things I'm supposed to want. Sure I may align with very few of them but I don't even HOLD myself like other men I see. I can't grow a beard like every other man I see. Like every man I see plastered over social media and commercials and in movies and in music. I actually hate and am deeply unsettled by masculinity. Deeply. But I feel like because I'm not that I'm destined to die alone, and I put that as a personal failure on my part. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough? Maybe I'm too weak? No self discipline? And I can't help but believe that this lack of masculinity in looks, in behaviour, in drive, is why other men are offput by me. Why I'm so disposable. Not in an incel way bc I don't blame anyone else in the end I blame myself. I don't have trouble hooking up, bc that's the most masculine thing about me. But I don't want that. I've done that. I want... peace. I want comfort. I want love and light and warmth and I want to feel like I'm worthy of that but I don't. I don't feel worthy of that. Because I'm wrong. There's something wrong with me. I'm broken and that's why I'm feeling so alone.

[lesenbyan]

you know, I keep thinking about how much I'd get written if I had any self discipline at all and then like. doing nothing about it bc like. who's gonna enforce it? not me.

[jentlemahae]

do you have any advice for self discipline? idk if you struggle with procrastination as well sometimes but you seem to be on top of your studies (i think in some of your tags you once mentioned that you finished all your assignments very early) i have very important exams coming up (if i fail them i'll have to repeat a whole year of school) and even though i know how important it is for me to study i just can't bring myself to even start.. i'm just paralyzed with fear bc i've already wasted so much time and it's impossible to catch up/revise everything now bc i'm running out of time. i think the sheer amount of material i have to study scares me off even more but the longer i wait the worse it gets obviously. i just hate that even though i am very aware of all this i just can't stop self sabotaging i hate myself so much 😭 another problem is that i'm such a perfectionist so if i know i can't do it perfectly i don't even bother but at this point i just need to pass bc i definitely don't want to repeat a year.. sorry this got so long and i know ultimately i just need to sit my ass down and study bc i'm the only one to blame (i had plenty of time to study these past weeks but i just rotted in my room 🙃) but you always are so sweet and insightful so i thought maybe you could give me some helpful advice? hope you have a nice day 💌

hiii! 🫶🏻 so i’ll preface this by saying that i’ve just always been used to having to do well in my studies so atp idek if it’s self discipline or more just a habit ? 🥲 but i also struggle with the same things sometimes bcs there are times where i put off studying certain things bcs im scared of failing TT so these are thing that imo help me!!

i always recommend ppl to repeat the stuff that u have to study/memorize out loud to someone bcs i think that helps u retain information, but i think that doing so by setting certain days to do so also helps in giving some organization! for instance i always repeat whatever im studying out loud to my mom (via zoom lol) and we do so by deciding to see each other on a certain day and on that day i have to repeat out loud to her a certain amount of chapters while she looks at my notes to check that im making sense. and we usually meet 2-3 times for that before my exam so first time i have to say half of the content, second time the other half, and third time i go through everything. does this make sense? and u can do it with whoever u want (parent, grandparent, friend, etc)! (tho tbh studying with a friend has never worked for me :p)

advice 2 sounds a bit odd and ik it doesn’t work for most but to me it works 🫠 when im in similar situations where i have So Much to study, first i read through all my notes* and then i take out a piece of paper and i write by hand** everything i remember. this way i see the main topics in the material and i go back to my notes and add some more important details to what ive written. this works especially well with courses where u just wanna pass and u don’t really care about the grade bcs this way u have a decent grasp on the main body of the course content! (**important to do this by hand bcs handwriting makes u retain info easier + *i always write summaries of the course content and the course progresses bcs then i know i’ll have my work cut out for me for the exam)

when u sit down to sit, put stuff that distracts u far away from where u are !! i kinda get distracted by listening to music lmao so when i study i make sure to put my headphones away from desk (lol), and then i hide my phone from my eyesight so then i can work for like an hour straight with no distractions 🤷🏻‍♀️

this is what comes to mind at the moment! anw best of luck for the exam !!! i know exams can be daunting when u are a perfectionist (😵‍💫) so i am rooting for u !!!!! 🥰💖🫂 as we say in italian, in bocca al lupo :)

[txnscrxptxp]

Hey! I was wondering if I could ask what your routine is? You're so disciplined to wake up and immediately go for walks

Yeah, sure! This is hella long tbh bc I added some breakdown and like additional thoughts but !

Honestly it's less about discipline for me and more about starting my day off right. If I start my day late or don't do my usual morning routine I rarely have the energy, want, motivation, discipline, etc.

For me, I wake up around 5am. This means usually going to bed like 9.30-10pm. That means Do not disturb goes on on all my devices, I put ASMR/guided meditation on, etc. If I can't sleep after 30 minutes I get out of bed so I don't associate laying in bed with anything other than sleeping and leave something snoozy on YouTube whilst I do some ten minutes of reading/etc. Waking up early isn't about waking up to your alarm, it's about the way you set yourself up the night before. Once the routine is down, you mostly won't need an alarm tbh (and im someone who needs 28 alarms to have a single hope to wake up).

From wake up, for the first hour I do not go on any devices other than my Xbox. The first hour of our day really sets the tone for our brain and what we consume has a big impact. Ever notice that the days you wake up and immediately go on TikTok or IG it's extremely hard to not sit there scrolling all day compared to when you only check them at like noon? I wake up, and immediately open YouTube to put on something like a "productive day in the life with me" type of video - Breanna Quen has been my go to. For the first hour I just watch that content and drink water, no caffeine. I try and drink 750ml-1l. After an hour, I go and have my first coffee and put on a casual soundtrack to sit and do an entry in my gratitude journal and 3 self reflection prompts (I try and do 200 words minimum for both).

After that, when I'm still feeling the cozy journalling vibes, I do 10-15 minutes of yoga to stretch my body out before other forms of exercise and then I do my ab/core/waist training. From there, I try and have breakfast like an apple or something that I can take with me to go on a walk to enjoy the sunrise.

By the time when I get home, it's usually around 8-9am and it's a more socially acceptable time to be doing things like dance or more intense workouts as most of my apartment block is awake by 7 for work but I like to ensure I give that extra time. Then I do an hour workout one way or another, either something like just following Just Dance songs on YouTube or a Chloe Ting work out/etc.

Then I just take all the time after that to do things like laundry, dishes, chores and any errands I need o do (go shopping, take books to the library, etc). I try and do 10k and I'll watch TV whilst doing this - just marching on the spot whilst watching it (helps massively to keep focus and mindlessly walk!). I tend to leave it all then, have dinner around 6-7pm usually something with some good protein as I'm doing muscle work quite a lot for the first time in years and my muscles r in pain. I then sit and do some active journaling about the day and anything on my mind and anything I might need to be aware of going into the week/the next day, etc and then either do a "before bed" pilates or yoga routine before bed.

But please remember as well, this is like an "ideal" day for me and I do not hit this every single day. This is the routine I try my utmost best to stick to. Motivation and discipline is really about setting yourself up and preparing yourself in that first hour of the day - for me at least - and if I miss that then I won't do anything at all.

[syubub]

May 13th Reading

Definitely long awaited and way bigger than I intended it to be so buckle up.

Funky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!

Oh boy. The continuation of yoongis soulmate saga.

(Note frome future me: it's not proofread but I'm hungry. Sorry for mistakes!)

So so so so

Let's start.

I started with all the normal jazz. Connecting with his energy and shit. Same as usual same old same old. Platform= same same. I was like, "hey, let's talk about your soulmate and the whole may 13th shit" and we connected via energy stringy thing to the forehead and such. I was intresting bc my end of the string was kinda my energy color! Neato. Looks like some rest has really done me good!

Okay, here's where I start actually asking shit. I made notes at this point before the reading as I usually do. I'm just gonna insert the screen shot here.

The 14 thing really fucked me up. You'll see later. Also, when I got the whole Pisces Jupiter thing I had to do me some googling bc we established that Jupiter went into Pisces ON May 13th so I was like?? Am I missing something?

I was. I forgot that it goes retrograde and then co.es back to Pisces on December 28th. And I do indeed think it to be significant.

The shit about temperance makes a lot of sense. In yoongis first soulmate read I flipped my shit bc he was like, "You're gonna get temperance reverse" in regards to a card for his soulmate and I was like "pft whatever. Don't play me like that"

And then I got temperance reverse. It's been a significant card from the jump.

I asked him if he had any advice for his soulmate and that's what "Don't wait for big things, you'll miss the small ones that lead you to bigger things" and "Look for facts before assuming" and "Don't try pushing it, forcing it won't make sense" and "A spade is a spade/ ace is an ace" and "Don't make ill informed guesses" all were

Now this part:

"Union has happened , yet to on the physical"

Gave me some hints thankfully because he straight up said no more hints.

This ties back into the whole Jupiter thing too. The seeds are/ have been planted and now they have to grow before they can be harvested.

Well Mr. Yoongi, I'm impatient and I don't want to wait. I want to see you in love pronto.

Anyways

He showed me a little dream box/ trinket box looking thing and a super vague Keychain with no further explanation... so... there's that I guess.

I can't quite decide if "Don't make ill informed guesses" was a tongue-in-cheek pike at me or if it was genuine advice to his soulmate? He just loves to not explain things.

Now let's begin the monster read.

So. The first row of cards

I asked the question, "what the fuck was May 13th and what was it's purpose in regards to your connection"

Important is what it was lol. I interpret this as them finding their footing and this being the starting point of the genuine foundation being layer. Like they've been manifesting eachother for a while but May 13th marked the start of them making the real life changes in their actual lives that will be the set up for them meeting.

The seven of coins is about thoughtful planning and creating security/ stable plan. The tower is essentially ripping away anything and everything that was built on unstable foundation and challenging/ testing your character (an extremely rude awakeing if you will). Judgement is releasing the past so you can rise above it and confronting yourself as you are (Also legit awakening) the queen of coins is financial security and self confidence in your abilities. Ten of coins is prosperity and abundance and most of all, stability. Eight of wands is explosion of potential and rapid movement. Temperance is awareness and balance between physical and spiritual. It's also that quiet peace where you find balance.

So. Seeing all those cards it really does seem like maybe his soulmate took on something new that could lead straight to union? Same for yoongi. I'd like to analyze and recent or new-ish habits or hobbies he's picked up?

Moving right along though. I asked what the 13th did for each of them in their personal life and personal journey. Kinda like what came as a result of that energy? Let's start with yoongles

This was really intresting to me. I think he definitely gained some form of clarity about the situation with that sun card. The 5 of cups tells me that either he was kinda forced to confront some of his flaws in a way that he was trying to avoid or he had to consciously let go of something dear to him? Could be something he had to leave behind because it crumbled with the tower moment but he didn't see it coming or didn't know that it was time to part with it? With that queen of wands though fits beautifully with the sun! Its like he's found warmth after a long winter. Definitely found a spark of compassion and generosity from a place of happiness and love rather than anger, fear, obligation or pitty.

I asked for clarity cards/ anything else that may 13th signified bringing in and we got the 2 of cups and 10 of swords. I have two thoughts. Either he let go of a relationship that he was already in because he didn't feel as though they were particularly compatible anymore (Also ties into the above section) OR the 13th had made him very much consciously aware of his soulmates incoming status and he is now preparing and working on himself for when this person comes. The 10 of swords would be him releasing the past and the pain and any ill fitting behavior that don't vibe with him any longer. Yellow really seems to be working for him by the way.

Soulmate time

Lol. All signs point to his soulmate genuinely starting a new venture. New creative pursuit that will bring them good money. 10 of pentacles is abundance, prosperity and stability. The ace of wands is a new creative spark and passion and it's the first big steps into something new. The 2 of wands is "the world is in the palm of your hands" vibes. Choices need to be made swiftly and with the ace of wands I think they will be. With the heirophant too, it will be a well informed decision because they've been manifesting this and has been searching for all the possible information.

As for clarity, we have the moon. Damn. Soulmates been doing that shadow work. Dredging up all their bullshit and getting rid of it while still taking the time to sit with it and release it so nothing is unresolved. Also probably extra creative due to all the emotional baggage being thrown out. (Definitely helping with the ace of wands vibes tbh)

Now for the bad boys in the middle

The question I asked is what those individual changes (detailed in the last two sections) will bring for the bond and I just can with them. These fuckers. I am so invested in their love story bc it's so... them? And just so fucking ROMANTIC. UGH I CAN'T.

Back to the point. High priestess, 4 of wands and the lovers. The high priestess is deep knowing and insane intuition, the 4 of wands is the purest joy and marriage and the lovers is well, the lovers.a magical union.

FUCK DUDE I NEED THIS TO BE A ROMCOM.

For the row of bottom cards

I asked if they had anything at all to add so I'm gonna explain each card individually bc I think they could be individual tid bits of shit.

Knight of coins is good news about finances/ money looking promising and organized work (also dependability!!). Death is all about transformation, the beginning of a new chapter and accepting in order to move foward. Ace of coins is spiritual and material abundance and also a reminder to keep grounded. Page of swords is confidence, important news coming and really good insight! Roots out secrets or hidden things like a truffle pig. The star is promising potential, healing and guidance from an enexpected place. The two of cups is a soul connection, love, intuition especially in regards to another person and a good bind. The emperor is self awareness, foresight, fearlessness to achieve a goal and confidence. Eight of coins rev is poor discipline and skating by on low effort.

Now to the sides!

Yoongi is the left, soulmate is the right.

So, let's begin with yoongi. The first two cards are anything he wants to say to his soulmate. Wheel of fortune and three of swords reverse. I take this as "its all in divine time/ it's destiny" (wheel of fortune) and "trust your intuition. It's okay to get hurt, you just need to remember you can always pick yourself up" (3of swords rev.)

We have now cards that I asked what he was learning through this process/ in this time. Be positive and first step.

The last two cards are affirmations he wants to give his soulmate.

"When I introduce joy to a situation, I change the vibrational frequency of what's happening around me" and "directing my focus onto what's thriving creates more of what I want"

Now for soulmates cards (same structure)

Strength and eight of swords. "You're stronger than you think. Take every part of yourself and acknowledge it. You're a force to be reckoned with" (strength) and (soulmate snapped at him on this) "the only thing holding you captive is you."

Now we have peer pressure (I think soulmate is learning to say "fuck you" and "fuck off" to people who have a set idea of how everyone should be living their lives), emotional healing and open your arms to receiving.

Then we have "its good to feel good" (lol I feel like yoongi definitely needs this one) and "when I connect to the spiritual realm, I open the door to recieve divine guidance, clear direction, and great wisdom"

The last stretch my friends.

So. Completion, leave behind the things that no longer serve you. Exist in the present and don't keep mulling over the past or any future happenings. Magic, pay attention to the magic around you. Listen for the signs of the universe and take them as they come (essentially listen to divine guidance) . Be open minded but logical as well. Luminous warrior, try focusing on the good in yourself instead of berating yourself for every small flaw. Spiritual path, self explanatory. The blade, your power can be a weapon when used willy nilly (most often wounding the wielder) or it can heal. Don't fear it but also consider how you choose to utilize it. The give away, be greaful for the sake of being greatful for it, not because you want something in return. The rain maker, manifestation station. Create with the tools you have because you have everything you need in order to manifest. "Don't take life personally"

Now we have heaven sent.

""Let yourself be helped" assistance is coming your way so act on it and say yes"

" This Oracle also comes with the message that you are to trust in the things that you feel and say to others without knowing why. It moves them. You might not understand, but through trust you are allowing yourself not to overthink and censor yourself. As such you are able to become a vessel through which the spiritual gift can be passed on to others. Don't block yourself. Let life happen through you. Only benefit can come from this."

And free from judgment, free to love

" If you have been asking life for a solution to a specific difficulty you have been having, this Oracle comes with the message that a solution is in gestation right now. This situation is already being sorted out and the resolution will come to fruition very soon. Hold tight and wait for the eminent birth of that resolution."

" This Oracle also brings you a message about love. You may find that you are loving, or soon will love, in a different way. You may worry about this love, given that it defies what you have known or been taught about love. Perhaps you are becoming able to love another tremendously, even though you don't have much of a personal relationship with them. You might question if this love is real. It is real Kama it is just happening at a different level to the love and attachment you experience when you are involved in a personal relationship with someone. It is not more or less, it is just a different facet of love. It may be that you are opening up to love the planet and her creatures, including the animals, the ocean dwelling life, your own body, the trees and so on, more than before period you may feel passionately purposeful about giving your time and energy to causes that protect and nurture the Earth and her creatures. You are affirmed in this love too. The universal mother is operating through you to nurture life. She will support you in your work, so that you can continue To come from love and not become drained, depleted or lost in despair or fear of futility. Instead, you will be energised and expanded by your dedicated service to life."

" Finally, this Oracle has a message for those who may be feeling alone or lonely in a need of greater nurturing from others. You are asked to stop, relax, centre and settle into your body to feel your connection with life itself. The air in your lungs is the same as the air that moves through the trees. The water in your blood is the same water that fills the oceans and is moved by the phases of the moon. The flesh of your body is the same substance as the body of the Earth itself. The heat in your digestive system is the same fire and heat as that from the Sun. Feel this connection, then do something nice for another without agenda. Make a donation, even if just a small one, smile, say a prayer, sent out a good thought or make a wish for another. That's it. You have connected to life again and in doing so, life can connect with you. And so it shall.

And that's all for the cards but but but.

Someone (either my guide or yoongi) was like, "do a song. Do a song. Do a song." And I was like, "oki doki, sounds good.

So I asked what numbers I should try refreshing and then it hit me. The number 14 came up before the reading and it seemed a bit misplaced? So I did 14 shuffles and look what popped up

You gotta be fucking with me.

Istg these fools will actually be the death of me dude. Euphoria is so romantic and I lowkey feels like it describes a bit of what their bond must be like.

YOONGGGIIII

Anyway,

I came back to the platform to be like, "thanks homie" and it was weird bc he was practically pure energy? Like usually I visualize his energy as what his physical body looks like because it's easier to comprehend? But nope, he was just a big shimmery glob of energy.

As I was going to disconnect, a few things happened. I felt tingly and the platform was vibrating almost? So I was like, "hold on, what the fuck is this?"

And then

It hit me

"MIN YOONGI IS YOUR SOULMATE HERE??"

I could tell this fuckin asshole was smug even in his blue glob form.

The color was... blue like yoongi but also a light lavender/ pink kinda vibe. Pretty damn distinct.

I was so stoked and I thought we'd all get to chat and I could yell at his soulmate for being an elusive asshat

But Mr smug butt had different plans.

My dude dropped a little marble thing in my hand and I was like ??? And he was like, "you'll know when you need it" and I was like ?????

My guide took pity on me and said, "it's just a representation on information that you've been given but it isn't the proper time to unpack it yet"

Cool cool so like and energetic zip file that will release itself whenever it damn well pleases? Cool cool cool.

(Asshole)

Anyway, I genuinely think that my excitement of this whole situation must somehow also influence how yoongis energy handles my prodding? Like what the fuck is this marble bullshit?

To top it all off, he gives me a friendly shove off of his platform.

Thanks, buddy.

Now we are here. And as always, I'm left with more questions.

My main take away is that amay 13th through July 28th will be all the foundation and ground work and December 28th 2021 through May 10th (11th? 9th?) 2022 will be a more likely time for physical union and actual relationship stuffs.

Anyone who knows more about astrology please feel free to chime in on this whole Jupiter in Pisces bit! My understanding is super surface level!!

~~~~

That was a big boi and now my thumbs hurt real bad. Hope you were entertained by the chaos.

[hvlfwygod]

can i get uhhhhh base for uhhhhh first meme

😭💙🌤BASE🌤💙😭

Who is more aggressive in bed? - i'm uncomfortable with this question

Lights on or off?- lmaooo uh... i think ben would prefer the lights off he's all self conscious 😪

Who does what chores?- ben likes to organize so he can clean and can at least prep dinner if not cook it. they can trade off on laundry and chase can do the dishes

Who gets babied when they’re sick?- look in nurturing ben is a Catch he will baby the shit out of chase i'm talking soup i'm talking meds i'm talking massaging away the aches and pains i'm talking spending time in comfy silence while chase rests

Who makes breakfast?- i think they can both do this depending on who wakes up first

Where would they go on their honeymoon?- canada 😘

What are their quirks while sleeping?- i don't think they do anything out there, just some cute cuddles and pillow talk

What is their favorite activity as a family?- hmmm gardening? board game nights? high movie nights?

Who is the stricter parent?- it's definitely ben. chase will be the cool dad and ben will be the cool dad who enforces the curfew

Who would be the big spoon?- they can switch off bc i think they both love being the little spoon, if chase insists ben will suck it up and be the big spoon more often tho. unless chase wants to be the big spoon then ben will gladly be little

Who would wake up first?- probably ben? he usually wakes up early unless he was up Really late. plus chase is a morph kid i feel like ben has the natural advantage here

Do they have nicknames for each other?- i can picture chase giving ben some cute pet names 😚

What happened when they met each other’s parents?- ben has no parents for this one and... i'm gonna be honest i don't remember chase's parental situation but if there's someone to meet ben will be on he best behavior he will be the perfect gentleman

How do they apologize after an argument?- ben definitely apologizes first and tries to see where chase is coming from as soon as he cools off, i think chase is more stubborn but he'd also come around soon enough

What would they be like as parents?- i can't imagine either of them ever raising their voice at their kids.... it'd be a lot of stern talking to's when they need to discipline, otherwise they are the really chill dads who let their kids be free spirits. super protective and very big on being very emotionally honest bc lord knows that's the only way these two made it far enough to have kids 😅

Who is the better cook?- ben doesn't really cook a lot but when he does he is very meticulous about the recipe so for that reason only i'll say him

Who is more romantic?- i think they're both very romantic in different ways? i think at first it would be ben bc he is lowkey a big sap, he'd sing for chase and arrange these little surprise dates 😌but i feel like they'd feed off of each other and wind up being equal in this regard

What sort of gifts do they get for each other?- really cute, sentimental gifts that usually have some reference to something that they experienced together or that one of them mentioned liking

Who gets jealous easiest?- i think it might be ben just because chase is more chill abt that kind of thing

Who gets more excited for events? (e.g. birthdays, christmas…etc)- chase definitely, he gets so pumped to see friends and have a big love fest w everyone

Who is the most adventurous?- definitely chase, he's bringing them out to all kinds of cool new places

Who is the most protective?- oooh tbh i think they'd both be pretty protective, but ben definitely would step in and get angrier faster if someone was fucking with his man

What would they have been like as childhood sweethearts?- they would be that really shy couple that are like, together but they're so nervous about it? mostly jokes and hanging out that just turns into kissing sometimes. really intense feelings they try to step around most of the time bc they're too young to figure out this emotional intimacy thing

Song to sum them up?- it's not released yet suka get on it pls xoxo

[annoyedlord]

I couldn't find the post you asked for school drama but still here you go

In elementary school one time a big fight happened everyone was watching it and shit when teachers came i was fucking shocked bc this 8 year old brought a KNIFE to a fight, i guess no one got hurt badly but still it was shocking.

In middle school in 8th grade this boy (which i knew) carved his girlfriend's name's first letter to his arm (i was also friends with the girl) he got sent to discipline, after that the girl got angry bc he cut himself and wanted to cut herself, and bc she knew i self harmed she requested from ME to cut her and no matter what i said i couldn't change her mind so i did cut her(it wasn't too bad but bc it was another person i couldn't realize i cut a bit too deep) i don't know what happened after that. They also got caught kissing in a classroom by a teacher.

In high school (i am right now in 9th grade but our school is 5 years bc of an extra year before 9th grade) last year some guys in my class and some from other class got caught drunk, actually ONE of them got into the dorms drunk and to his chance the principal was there, they got called to the principals office multiple times and at last a police car came to school to get them, i don't know what happened next but to be honest i am really happy they got caught bc one of them is racist and homophobic

There is probably more but i couldn't remember now lol, have a nice day/night

Bringing a knife in a fist fight is against the rule, kid!!!

Also this is insane??? The whole middle school thing????

[serpentinerose]

Thanks so much for your response! I've been thinking about reading the novel for a long time but I'm very hesitant to exactly bcs I don't like my OTPs involved with anyone else that's y I asked all those questions. I tried to search 4 more info but couldn't really find any answers to my questions and I don't mind being spoiled at all, I've read all of MXTX's works fully spoiled so please would you be so kind and give me some brief answers under the cut so that I know whether to read 2ha or not?

Alright, here come the [2HA SPOILERS]!

So basically, Ranwan worked like this. We start out with a Taxian-jun (also known as Mo Ran 0.5, or Mo Ran in his previous lifetime) who commits suicide in the very first chapter. We find out that he has killed Chu Wanning, his shizun, in this lifetime, and that now he is tired of living for whatever reasons.

Mo Ran (1.0) wakes up in his 15 yo body after he died. We meet Chu Wanning, a stern shizun who uses a lot of corporal punishment. We see Chu Wanning whipping Mo Ran to discipline him, and Mo Ran’s internal monologue is very much “I hate Chu Wanning, I want to kill him, I want to fuck him WAIT WHAT?” We find out that in the previous lifetime, Emperor Taxian-jun took Chu Wanning as a concubine as a way to humiliate him. Chu Wanning, after all, had done so many awful things to Mo Ran/Taxian-jun. Chu Wanning let the love of Mo Ran’s life, Shi Mei, die in that first lifetime. Chu Wanning abused him. Chu Wanning, blah blah blah.

We find out that things are not exactly as they seem. They are on a case. Chu Wanning, this cold, stern, awful shizun, protected Mo Ran with his own body and sustained incredible injuries as a result. They go on several more cases together, and little by little, Mo Ran finds himself remembering more and more of the previous lifetime, and we see all the awful things that he did to Chu Wanning as his concubine. We also see glimpses of Chu Wanning behind closed doors: how lonely he is, how closed off, how touch starved. We see Mo Ran reaching out more and more; first, by muscle memory from the previous lifetime, then by his own volition. And then, more stuff happened, until the ultimate event to change Mo Ran’s understanding of what happened in the past: Chu Wanning actually didn’t just LET Shi Mei die in the last lifetime, Chu Wanning was the one behind the memory Mo Ran cherished the best in both lifetimes, and Chu Wanning died to save Mo Ran.

Mo Ran then understood that he had misread his shizun in all this time. There are other events that happened in between all that to really cement Mo Ran’s understanding of who Chu Wanning really is as a person. He then rescued Chu Wanning from the underworld, but it takes another five years before Chu Wanning regains consciousness. During this time, Mo Ran became the respected cultivator Mo-zongshi (Mo Ran 2.0), trying to live everyday to be worthy of Chu Wanning’s sacrifice and devotion, and then when Chu Wanning wakes up again, their courtship really begins in earnest.

We later find out that Shi Mei planned his “death” in the previous lifetime, that he is behind much of the events in the plot, that Shi Mei was the cause for the blackening of Mo Ran in the previous lifetime, and that said “blackening” was actually intended for Chu Wanning, but Mo Ran took it instead as a sacrifice. Mo Ran’s love for Shi Mei was manufactured and really born out of his love for Chu Wanning. Even after his memories were altered, Taxian-jun still loved Chu Wanning to a maddening degree, even if it wasn’t expressed correctly or acknowledged by Taxian-jun himself. Many people saw the reason for thee blackening (the flower; read 2Ha to understand fully what that means) as a cop out on Meatbun’s part, but I disagree; Mo Ran’s redemption arc was already complete before we ever found out the WHY of his actions. He had done so many awful things in the past, but Chu Wanning loved him, cared for him, believed him, in the last lifetime and this one. Chu Wanning was the one who made it possible for Mo Ran to transmigrate to his 15 yo self when he died (read 2Ha for the “how”), and Mo Ran took his second chance extremely seriously. They died for each other again and again, and they chose to live for each other as well. Every version of Mo Ran loved every version of Chu Wanning and vice versa. There are way more events that happened, of course, but 2Ha is as epic a romance as any I have ever read, so if any of this appeals to you, please read 2Ha for the full experience. I can never do it justice in just a summary.