#but I do hate this; sisyphus has nothing on me

[aeolianblues]

Sisyphus just had to roll a fucking boulder up a hill; every morning I clock into work and every morning I report my task under some false hope that there is a Final Task after which you are Free and have something akin to summer holidays and every morning I am met with a shrug anda Brand New Task where I have to get out of my comfort zone and work out what shit is, Sisyphus has nothing on me

[youraveragemushroom]

♡♡♡♡

[relampagueando]

i got asked on ao3 recently why i thought matoba and natori are still Like That when it is clear that matoba wants natori to be his side piece and natori would be more than ok w/ that. i wanted to post it here too and also expand more bc i wrote my reply like 4 min before i went to work, and i've just tweeted similar things in bursts that i should probably compile the short answer is: bc their circumstances are stupid, and so are they long answer below the cut

on matoba

as much as i love him having been clingy and annoying and blinking morse code KISS ME to natori when they were teens, i think he was still considerate enough not to do anything about it bc he could see how jumpy natori was. how easy it would have been to lose him w/ the wrong thing said, the wrong thing done. better to just have his companionship in their ambiguity and plausible deniability of just how deeper he would prefer their friendship to be than to have nothing at all. esp for someone already as much of an outsider as matoba seiji - he's the clan heir, so he's getting primed for it; he's a teen, and besides his sister who hates him, natori is the only one around his age; he can see youkai, already a rare thing; and he can see them w/ exceptional power. their imbalance was predetermined when matoba met natori it would have especially been pointless to act upon any feeling when he is the matoba clan head. while as far as i've read the manga i don't recall them saying explicitly a matoba clan head has to be matoba by blood as opposed to marriage/adoption, i think it's an easy conclusion that blood would be prioritized since seiji is a matoba by name. he's probably gonna have to have beget a matoba heir and by blood is easiest, and natori has always been a rival clan, and they're both guys... the classic trope! but it has its place here, since they Are in jpn and on top of it they are in politics, and on top of THAT it's exorcist politics where as mentioned blood is going to matter. i actually think matoba wouldn't give a fuck about liking another guy - they used to be all over that in the yr 1545, why can't He in 20xx. granted he wouldn't be skipping about at pride w/ a rainbow flag over his shoulders; jpn's history w/ homosexuality has been Complex and it would also be in matoba's little proper traditional boy head. i don't know enough about this history to have any further comment on it, just my impression that, in the end, matoba isn't losing sleep over his natori dreams. also he is a spoiled brat. he wants that boy and he will construct intricate rituals to hold his hand and then, when natori inevitably puffs up like a kitten and turns red like his real shoujo maiden heart, matoba can safely say Just kidding! unfortunately for him, the clan/the world/NATORI would give a fuck if he admitted he's not really ever been kidding not even a bit

the pointlessness of having done anything about his baby crush stands when smth does actually pull natori away. which we are patiently waiting to find out: was it 1 singular event, or was it a continuum of realization that their methods of exorcising/youkai views were too incompatible? at any rate, now it's definitely too late to do anything! matoba is suffering not from internalized homophobia but internalized resignation that his life is not his own. duty is a weight and matoba is sisyphus w/ the fuckingfng boulder. the only thing that keeps his path crossing natori's is that the exorcist world is small, they are actually more alike than they think, and that singular incompatibility was not enough to undo all their other compatibilities - and so how much they still care about e/o

on natori

for natori tho, he was so unwanted as a kid that it has really fucked up his feelings forever. and it doesn't help at all that the person he is having even more complex feelings about is MATOBA..... he's hard to read; like is he trying to piss natori off bc he likes to, or is he being flirty? (the answer is both). and why would he be flirty? they are both guys <- bl manga protag natori shuuichi, who unlike matoba is absolutely going thru it, and part of it not just bc matoba is a guy but bc matoba is a rude little princess i mean brat. natori represses what starts to feel a little too intensely to just be friend feelings somewhere he can't reach. this has not worked so well!

just on top of the crush, i think natori would also be grappling w/ if he even feels that way bc he's finally found someone who can see youkai and is around his age. bc god knows him chasing after takuma and yorishima isn't gonna do anything. matoba in shambles that natori likes older men. anyway. on top of That, too, is natori's mopey Everyone hates me and wants to leave me that ultimately haunts all his interactions, esp as a teen. even if matoba can see youkai, he isn't branded by one (except matoba's brand is the eye, the target, that he will have to wear one day, but that he was also born w/. natori just couldn't see it. i digress). matoba has an entire clan around him and natori has no one; matoba cannot possibly understand natori, and vice versa - or so natori thinks. their imbalance was predetermined!!!

their biggest hurdle is ofc their way of exorcising differing from e/o, bc tho they are both men they are first and foremost exorcists. matoba has no qualms about the means taken for the end, doesn't give a shit about youkai being sentient. natori meanwhile is trying to be #nice. matoba would have been fine, delighted really, if the matoba clan took in a woobie still unconfident natori bc it would have meant literally having him at his side, but natori is so prideful and determined to keep being alone - both for pride and his childhood fears - that he does not join the matoba clan. he has to do what he can, how he wants, and do it alone. and when it comes to matoba, he has to be strong, too, and not let himself be affected by how matoba goads him or just generally exists somewhere he can never reach. he loves matoba, but not his methods, but the methods comprise half of who matoba is. there's no getting around that. so natori has to keep the distance between them unless he starts to compromise his beliefs or dust off his repressed feelings. instead he has to wait for matoba to go away before divulging unprovoked to anyone in his vicinity, by which ofc i just mean poor natsume, Btw the way matoba likes cats. And i thought he'd wear a hat when he exorcised bc it's just one extra little safety precaution. And we're not really rival clans not anymore. And and and. then he turns around after his first delicate momence w/ matoba in god knows how long and says directly to him, bearer of the burden and curse, A burden can be shared. ok girl. what am i supposed to make of this. an olive branch offered, a hope for reconciliation and closing the distance he himself is far likelier to have put between them than matoba, who has always known what he wants but has been kept from it by life and natori's own frustrating Standing There emoji self....

and now natori is an actor-model-singer! the only other careers he could have possibly chosen that doomed him to be more cognizant of his relationships than matoba's heirdom. even w/ his burden proposal, he can't do much more than just say gay things to get matoba's and my hopes up. that's a lie, he can also act upon those gay things. and he has! not joining the clan but helping matoba out... remembering things about him... stealing him from his house and they just let him apparently....

but these still aren't the bow-wrapped conclusion they need after w/e happened between them to have the rift to begin w/. they need a bit more of a push. w/ their circumstances, it wouldn't be smart to do more; matoba's clan is still v important to him, and natori still hasn't found his full confidence/sense of self. but they want to. my god they want to

[definitelynotorion]

I hate the ultrakill fandom I’m ACTUALLY GONNA FUCKING LOSE ITTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY do people water down his personality to nothing but violence. Also HE HAS NEVERRRRR BEEN SHOWN TO BE ANGRY. EVER!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!! Excuse me I’m kind of going insane this will turn into a fandom rant for a sec. Literally both characters had equally nuanced stories and personalities yet for some reason sisyphus gets the short end of the stick. Whag. This is the exact reason I’m scared of my ocs developing a fandom

I SAW THIS STUPID MEME AND I HAD TO COME AND COMPLAIN ABOUT IT BECAUSE FUCK

me pretending to not gaf about misinterpretations of my favorite characters so I won’t kill myself

[tuerescringe]

D.A.M.N Crew Headcanons:

(inspired by me and my friends)

- Lasko does this bit where he fully freaks out for like 2 seconds max and then acts completely normal and like nothing happened. He especially does this in very quiet and serene moments.

- Damien has one specific class that he despises and will, no matter what, always mention how much he hates it at least once a day.

- Huxley has a specific time frame where he will laugh at everything and anything and in these moments of hysteria he will send whatever he finds funny to the gc. Nothing he sends is funny the morning after.

- If someone mentions drawing an original character, Gavin will always respond with “Draw them naked.”

- When watching a movie together, Damien and Freelancer GRIP each other by the arm whenever something exciting happens. That or when they find a character attractive.

- Freelancer and Huxley both LOVE to make jokes about very mundane things. Shit like responding with “Me in the morning.” whenever someone says something along the lines of “I got up.” or “I feel awake.”

- Damien giggles whenever he thinks of doing something particularly evil.

- Almost everyone in the crew participates in the group wide bit of leaning in for a kiss whenever they say the same thing as each other at the same time, or when they find out they have a mutual interest/hobby. The only one who doesn’t participate is Lasko. If anyone leans in towards him he starts screaming.

- Everyone in the crew sends Damien pictures of angry cats with the caption “you.”

- Freelancer regularly describes things as “sloppy”, everyone else hates it.

- Everyone in the crew shares vocal stims

- Sometimes Huxley will randomly announce “GUYS GROUP HOWL.” Everyone will in fact howl.

- Damien is constantly harassed by the crew about his lack of whimsy.

- Gavin has a very consistent bit where he responds to pictures of caverns, jagged holes, ect. with “my pussy tbh.”

- Freelancer is referred to as “my friend who is 25” because they faked their age on the internet as a child. They were 11.

- Freelancer made a discord server for the crew and gave everyone the “kitten” role. Everyone hates it.

- Damien plays Valorant and it makes him so incredibly toxic. It is the only game that does that.

- Lasko’s stomach cannot handle SHIT. He will be running to the bathroom no matter what he eats.

- Freelancer had a very strict “no kissing at the academy until after 8 in the morning” rule.

- The crew loves taking pictures of Lasko’s forehead.

- “One must imagine Sisyphus ___” is an ongoing joke in the crew.

- LASKO IS SO SO SWEATY.

- Lasko also purposely touched people with his cold, sweaty, clammy hands. Everyone always screams.

- There is one professor in the academy that everyone in the crew either has a crush on or is fascinated by.

- Huxley’s mothers keep sending him little ceramic frogs. No they will not be stopping.

- Sometimes Freelancer jokingly goes “y’know what. I don’t even love you anymore.” In which Gavin responds with “thats not even truuUUEEEEEEEE” in an absolutely devastated tone.

- Everyone in the crew is obsessed with the name “Scuntle Bingoid” and names every object or animal some sort of variation of it.

[plague-karm]

More opinions about my interests since I liked making the last one.

* At this point in time I like Freshy Kanal more than ERB, the match ups are more up my alley and the beats slap so much harder

* Sisyphus is JUST as interesting as Minos you’re just letting the memes control your judgement (read his terminal entry there’s more to him then just being a spiteful bastard towards heaven)

* If any other indie dev treated Steel Wool like Scott Cawthon did during the making of Security Breach (basically not telling them the games story which lead to it being a narrative clusterfuck) they would get drawn and quartered but because Scott Cawthon did it no one seems to mind???

* I’m beginning to not mind The Mimic but I will never get over how quickly Vanny got pushed aside. She could’ve shown how serial killers have copycat killers (something that Scott himself is scared of which is why no actual Fnaf themed restaurants have been made) long after their time is done (going back to the “I always come back” quote in a really cool way) but no we just get a fucked up little guy. I am looking forward to Secret Of The Mimic but the way Vanny got treated as a nothing threat after YEARS of build up is easily one of the most infuriating parts of Fnaf’s story

* I’m happy that the Five Laps At Freddy’s demo got patched but it NEVER should’ve been released in the state it was in and the people who were complaining towards those with concerns need to know that there is a difference between a demo with some glitches here and there and something that’s borderline unplayable. I am convinced that the demo only got released because the anniversary came up.

* Maybe Garten Of Banban would go away if people stop paying attention to it and constantly buying the new ones so they can bitch about how bad it is on their let’s play channels idk

* BATIM has my favourite setting out of any mascot horror game, it’s so immersive and the fact that it slowly changed into a sprawling ecosystem is so interesting to me

* Needy Streamer Overload has one of the best portrayals of mental illness I’ve ever seen in media but the actual gameplay gets really old after a while

* Surge > Scourge, I love them both for different reasons but Surge’s story is one of the darkest in Sonic canon and a lot more compelling to me, I’m interested to see what they do with her later in the comics

* Multishipping will free your mind please try it more I beg you

* Madohomu is NOT one sided, Homura’s feelings towards Madoka are that intense that anything Madoka feels towards her would feel small by comparison

* Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die is nowhere near the worst P!ATD album, it’s one of my favourites and it’s a really good listen for night time drives

* I hated the way some people got pissed at The Cuphead Show for not being lore and angst heavy. I really liked it! And they made certain characters way more entertaining than they were in the actual game! The Devil went from being a somewhat boring villain in the game to being my favourite character in the whole show. And the fact they made Brineybeard a monsterfucker is funnie he just like me fr

* The issue with Hazbin Hotel’s use of red isn’t the red itself, it’s the fact that the SAME shade is used CONSTANTLY. If they used different shades more frequently instead of just cherry red it wouldn’t be that much of an issue (like burgundy, burgundy is cool)

* The NiGHTS series might be one of the most wasted IP’s of all time, AMAZING character designs (NiGHTS’ design is genuinely perfect I would change nothing about it) and the atmosphere and tone was genuinely magical. Shigeru Miyamoto (the creator of MARIO) has gone on record saying that he wished he came up with the idea of NiGHTS, which is incredibly high praise…and we haven’t gotten a new one in YEARS! Where is it?!

* TADC is not an industry plant or content farm slop, because unlike that kind of shit you can actually tell that there’s passion and love behind the project. No one expected it to get as popular as it did it just happened.

* Telling someone who’s stimming (regardless of the amount of noise it makes) to stop in a condescending way is a really shitty thing to do, like come on man let my leg do its thing :(

* You do not have to defend everything you like until your last breath it’s okay to admit that it kinda sucks (Repo! The Genetic Opera is a clusterfuck narrative wise and some of the songs are shit but I still love it lmao)

* G3 Ivy’s design > G1 Ivy’s design

* Fuck The Critical Drinker, all my homies hate The Critical Drinker (his take on Midsommar’s ending is genuinely one of the most braindead analysis’ I’ve ever seen and I have no idea how anyone continued taking him seriously after that because what the fuck 💀)

* If you see news of a music artist you like go through a personal tragedy and your first thought is “the new album’s gonna be fire” then you need to get your head checked because what the fuck is wrong with you genuinely

* Mel Medarda is objectively the finest character in Arcane fight me idgaf

* Cairngorm is one of the most interesting characters in Land Of The Lustrous, you can acknowledge that they changed for the worst (fuck Aechmea) while also acknowledging that Phos solely viewing them as a second Antarcticite due to them not handling their grief well was fucked up

* The holy quintet transformation sequence in Rebellion is an actual work of art and a masterclass in symbolism i could write an entire thesis on it (and the music too omg)

* I don’t ship SCU Sonadow at all I’m sorry I just don’t see it (Prime Sonadow though? Peak shit)

* Homura and Kyoko have one of the most interesting dynamics in the entire show but no one talks about them for some reason?

* Helluva Boss’ second season will be remembered like Euphoria’s second season, amazing visuals and acting but the story took a fucking nosedive and there are several characters acting out of character solely so the plot can move forward (the fact they actually started giving Millie interesting characterisation only to get her pregnant two episodes later is insane and people are already accusing her of cheating fucking hell the misogyny in that fandom is rampant 😭)

* Leviathan has the worst boss theme in Ultrakill and it’s not even close

* Cyn is the best part of Murder Drones, she has the best design in the entire show and she’s the perfect mix of cute and disturbing

* TADC actually being character focused instead of lore focused is such a breath of fresh air, so many series’ focus on their lore to the point where the traits of the characters are mostly forged from fanon so to actually have a series focus on the actual characters and their issues is just great

[dansevilpianotea]

i really wanted to make a proper dan birthday post/art today but im super tired rn, so its not happening. instead im writing something personal and philosophical because im an autistic philosophy student and its all im capable of doing.

you will get up that hill

thank you @danielhowell for growing up with me, even tho its only been 5 years (almost), its been the most important 5 years of my life (so far lol).

when i skimmed through ywgttn again recently i realised how much i have changed since i first read it 2 years prior. i used to reject any kind of help despite feeling really bad because for so long my needs were ignored, i was blamed for it or i was given solutions that were toxic and dismissive of my feelings. but i kept going. addicted to the loneliness and the pain, but i knew that this wasnt all there is. i managed to move to a different country on my own at 18, i knew that there was a light at the end of my horizon. i mean, its really not like that tho. there is a sun and it rises every morning, but it also goes down in the evening. it can seem pointless, banal, some might say absurd. pushing up that rock every morning and it rolling down when the sun sets. for me, it felt like the rock was just sitting at the bottom of the hill and i didnt have enough strength to even consider moving it. but this is not all there is. we can change, and the way we change to get better is not rapid but its a slow process of not just trying, but trying again despite failing. this is not a fight that is possible to lose. you only lose it when you dont touch the rock. if it is already at the bottom, you cant get it down further than that. your only way is up. and yes, it can roll down again, but there are checkpoints. connections we make, people we love and who get to love us. risks we take and secrets we reveal that make us stronger to try again. this is your life. you can just pick it up and try. and try again. and try it even tho everyone wants you to hate every second of it and do not believe you can do it. but you can. the only mistake you can make is letting them make you believe that progress has to be fast. even if it takes you 30 years to reach this checkpoint, the more you try to go up, the stronger you will get. its not about sitting there doing nothing and its not about being upset that you cant make it fast enough. you cannot plan for the route up the hill. you learn along the way. its about trying to push the boulder when everything inside of you screams at you that change is scary and everyone outside of you either pushes you to do it in their specific way or they tell you that you cannot do it. the boulder is your life and the hill is happiness. its not yourself who you should push, but the way you need the environment to be so you can be happy. the only true rebellion is happiness. when you are forced to live inauthentically, they do not want you to be happy. even if they think they do all they really care about is you not disturbing their prejudiced view of the world, of you being controlled by them. the gods punished sisyphus. they wanted him to suffer under their authority. the only choice you have to become happier is to make it up that hill and to do it with a smile on your face. even if you are not happy, you just need to want it and to believe that you can get there from your current situation and not through a miracle from an outside force. there is no other choice.

2 years ago my counsellor said to me that i was very good at being scared of things (lol), but i do them anyways inspite of the fear. ever since i can remember i was scared of the most mundane changes, from walking on a different side of the road on my way to school to asking my friend about their dog. but i still wanted to do all those things. i was just incredibly scared of chaos and rejection. so i didnt do them. but i dont regret not doing them. because with every time that i failed i get to try it again but with even more strength. and this is how i got here. my life has changed in such a significant way since i watched your coming out video and thats because of you and this community. i had dreamed of getting out of my hometown for years and i didnt think i could. but when you said the following: "Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we've dreamed of. [...] you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side." i needed to hear that. i didnt even know i was gay back then (thanks for that too) but as someone who was bullied for years and had my self esteem wrecked, i didnt think i had enough power. in fact, i really didnt for a long time. but i kept trying and pushing the line further until eventually i could free myself from the traps i was in my whole life. thank you dan. without your community i dont know where i'd be in life but i can only imagine it'd be worse. thank you for being born and continue living defiantly and pushing that bolder up that hill that is happiness. you are an inspiration.

(also shoutout to my phanhub friends, which btw i cant believe how long we've known each other know. i love you guys <3)

happy birthday @danielhowell 🖤🏳️‍🌈

[distressedbeanpole]

Okay Ultrakill Crack theory on who the next prime soul is. I personally think the third prime soul will stick with the Greek King theme.

In original Myth, Minos was the king that built the labyrinth, and had a wide who cheated on him with a bull (compelled by Poseidon but whatever) Minos was made a judge of hell in Greek myth AND in Dante's inferno.

We know in Ultrakill itself, Minos started as an esteemed judge in hell, and fell from grace so to speak by uplifting Lust.

Then we have Sisyphus. While he doesn't exactly show up in the Divine comedy, traces of him do, especially in the greed layer, where the greedy participate in the Sisyphean task of pushing their wealth past someone with a similar amount of wealth.

[insert rest of breakdown of existing prime souls because I'm tired] oh but one point I want to make is that Sisyphus was made low, and kept down after the insurrection.

My guess is Odysseus, or as he's known in Inferno, Ulysses. Wasn't Odysseus the hero of his story? Yeah, but the Romans HATED this guy. He went around, lying about who he was, tricking his foes and all that. The Greeks saw him as clever and cunning. The Romans saw him as a dishonorable backstabber. His story ultimately ends with him returning to his kingdom (after YEARS of being away) he dresses up as a stranger, joins the competition to win his wife, and after he wins goes "Heyo it's me, everyone who tried to get with my wife is gonna die now. And also also, everyone who tried to get with the guys that tried to get with my wife can be hung."

Known for the strategy of the Trojan Horse, this guy was a trickster. So how does he translate to.Ultrakill?

I think, Ulysses was involved in some sort of rebellion similar to Sisyphus and Minos. While Minos and Sisyphus were trying to improve the lives of those around them, Ulysses joined a similar cause, but betrayed them from the very start for a promise of gaining leadership.

Ulysses is the current ruler of a layer of hell, gained by forsaking those around him, those that believed him to be a leader, ones that believed his counsel.

Ulysses will be built of fraud, every action, and every word an attempt to raise himself up. Ulysses will have started at nothing and pulled his way up above everyone else.

In terms of gameplay, I think Ulysses would use their Flesh prison as a Defensive mechanism, like a Trojan horse. You'll be fighting this thing, and then when you get it almost low then BAM this guy pops out and uses some fancy language to say stuff like "Thanks for getting rid of the competition" and "I've worked too hard to let you ruin this"

Then he AND his flesh vault will be attacking you. Things start getting bad for Ulysses he'll retreat back inside.

I feel like the idea has merit but babysitting and class has ruined me, so I'm just gonna set this down and go. Let me know what y'all think

It could also be midas, cause it seems like Midas Sisyphus and Minos are grouped as like 3 bad kings but Ulysses might be dope

[gingus-doon]

omfg i always manage to mistakingly think there is nothing left to Know that will shock me and make me reconsider concerning feminist and queer histories but oh my mother fuckin god yall DID YALL KNOW..ALISON BECHDEL SUPPORTED BI LESBIANS

like i just hhn i wouldve had no idea i would not have even known the concept EXISTED and i, here, stand on neither side as i don't know enough about anything to make a firm point (i lean against but hearing ppl say trans women are facing the brunt of anti bi-lesbian sentiment & the strange insistence on Lesbians Cannot Like Men when trans men in lesbian history, right there-- [how can you say this without undermining trans men's manhood? i don't think you can. hence im content to describe lesbian relationships as those without cis men {though not all relationships without cis men are lesbian relationships, for ex trans gay guys or straight trans relationships} & im not one to brush aside the queer history of transmasc lesboys so easily when i know. So many very lesbian tguys] makes me reconsider)

ITS SO FUCKING NUTS TO REMEMBER THAT FEMINIST AND QUEER PPL BEFORE US ALREADY HAD THESE DISCUSSIONS ALREADY SPOKE WHAT NEEDED TO BE SPOKEN IN MANY CASES AND FORGOING THE ADVICE OF OUR FEMALE AND TRANSSEXUAL FOREBEARERS JUST LEADS US TO HAVE THE SAME POINTLESS DISCOURSES ON TUMBLR DOT COM AGAIN AND SEVER COMMUNITY OVER IT AGAIN AND AGAIN OH MY GOD ITS LIKE A CURSE ITS LIKE WE'RE SISYPHUS ALIENATED FROM OUR TEACHERS CONDEMNED TO ROLL THE SAME BOULDER UP THAT HILL

im just going fucking nuts bcauae it's always like this i will cry ahahhh like

LESLIE FEINBERG. HIR PROPHETIC STATEMENT

AND ITS HAPPENINGGGG ITS HAPPENING THERE ARE TERFS AND THE SEX ABOLITIONIST RADICALLY QUEER RADICAL FEMINISM OF OUR FOREMOTHERS HAS BEEN ABANDONED AND NOW NO ONE LOOKS TO THAT ESTEEMED TRADITION BESIDES A FEW BECAUSE EVERYONE HATES TERFS (rightfully so) BUT DONT KNWO THE EXTENT OF RADICAL FEMINISM UGHDHHHG OOHghhuhh OuhchhHHhn SHAKING .

AND I JUST LEARNED ABOUT RIKI WILCHINS AND THEY WERE A TRANSSEXUAL LESBIAN FEMINST!!!!! TRANSSEXUAL LESBIAN FEMINIST A BEAUTIFUL PHRASE AND NOW WERE IN AN AGE WHERE QUEER NON-LESBIANS ARE LESPHOBIC AND DAMN THE ENTIRETY OF LESBIAN FEMINISM WHILE TERFS DAMN THE ENTIRETY OF QUEERNESS AS IF LESBIANISM CAN EXIST WITHOUT IT OR TRANSNESS AND I JUST.........IDK im crying im rocking back and forth i am holding my temples those who do not know their history will be doomed to repeat it truly

[dogwittaablog]

this ask turned into some insane ramble feeling journal entry dump thing that got away from me im so sorry

i got into hockey last year during the playoffs and had basically no interest in nolpat or the flyers like watching the burner exposé unfold meant basically nothing to me. i didnt even know all the nhl teams much less care about this brain damaged draft bust from a team not even in the playoffs but im currently living that NEET life and ive had time to be bored as fuck and fall down that rabbit hole and get invested. im so annoyed np is attractive (only when hes mostly cleanshaven and with certain hair lengths. his facial hair is nasty i think hes going through twink death) i watched the bo show and was smiling fuck my shit life.

the 1 on 1 nolpat flyers vid (https://youtu.be/UyjbFn2QRXk?si=UgsT637ka3_qFZbO&t=304) the interviewer at the end (like 5:04) asks what he wants people to associate with his name "probably just be a good person. a good teammate. thats kinda the main thing for me honestly......being a good teammate, good person off the ice is one of the most important things" with the knowledge of the burner is soo ironic like that media training is being put to work. i am finding some joy that majority of hockey fans only really remember him is for being an injury riddled bust or one half of a ship of him having gay sex with a teammate. and the burners. plus his biggest fans being people who shipped nptk and kinda headcanoned him as like genderfucky? because of his pretty face and the long hair. i bet he was fucking seething. he's so irrelevant now. i so badly want a front row seat of his life being shit. i want to see him to go through all levels of hell while alive. i hope he fucking hated living in philly. i want him to feel like sisyphus pushing that fucking pointless rock up that hill everyday (AND NOT ENJOYING IT OR FIND HAPPINESS IN THE ACTION). i lowkey need him to go bankrupt and start a gay4pay OF. can everyone please manifest with me. i need him to go through what he was saying about women on the burners. get in a skimpy dress and on the workbench now!!!! god hes a loser do u kno abt those batman 2022 riddler fanart/fics that has like horny incel vibes??

this is a lot and i'm sorry for coming to his grave and defacing it by hate jerking off while everyone is shit talking him.

I live for rambles ngl especially when they're articulate and self expressive mixed in with some good humour and relatableness.

He's stated more than once that he values how people perceives him especially around the locker room and team, but tbh if you read inbetween the lines I think he really was telling us that he mainly just values his friends, families, hockey bro's and his coaches/staff perception of him and not necessarily anyone outside of that. Not saying that's super bad but you can tell that mf is selective af with being genuinely nice to people in general.

STOP the way old videos of him really got us kicking and swinging our feet in the air. The BO show was such a classic gem ugh his laugh is literally engraved into my brain from that vid. Draft him was 10/10 nobody could deny it, he is too in love with the greasy musty look I don't know when we'd ever see him look like that again.

I am unaware of the batman 2022 riddler fanart/fanfics, but I'll jump into the rabbit hole.

[ominouspositivity-or-else]

Sisyphus.

My father will not come upstairs. He’s working late tonight. He does not know, or maybe does not care, that I have made him dinner. I scoop myself a bowl of noodles and stare at it in the fading light. 

It has been raining all afternoon. It started around the same time that my mom told me in an angry voice to get a job, to do something. If you’re doing nothing else, she said, at least write a book. I’m worried about your future. I didn’t have the words to say “I am writing two books in reality and a third and fourth in my heart.” If I had told her that, she would have asked what they were about. I would have had to respond that they were a silly romance novel and a depressing story about a hallucinating young man in a mental hospital. Sylvia Plath must be rubbing off on me, because only the silly romance novel would sell. Neither of them sound very good to my own ears, and if they sound bad to me, well, then they must sound bad to everyone else. 

My mother has this perfect and thrilling ability to make me feel like all I am is numbers, going either up or down at any given moment. A value, set in stone, increasing or decreasing with every choice I make, every grade I get back, every dollar mark that goes up, every application I turn in to a job that doesn’t want me. I feel, sometimes, like all I am is numbers on top of numbers on top of numbers. If I sold my organs on the black market, I sometimes think that that would be the most sensical business approach to her, because all I am is numbers. At least, then, I’d be able to pay for college. You can live without your eyes and kidney. I read a play about that once. But sometimes she makes me feel like I am numbers. I will never tell her so.

I screamed at God in the car on the way home. Because I didn’t want to feel useless, I drove my sisters to their youth group meeting at the church in the pouring rain. I watched them walk inside the building, giggling and shaking off rain drops and for a moment I wished I was small, too, getting to grow up in the house my mom had always wanted, with her content and happy, able to do life over again with fresh eyes and true friends. But I still dropped them off. I thought maybe afterwards my dad would come upstairs and for a moment the world would ease. Maybe he’d let me drink a glass of beer and maybe he would watch an episode or two of some strange foreign show with me. It doesn’t matter that that didn’t happen. But I screamed in the car. Rain beat down on the windshield, and I watched gray and green blur together and Paris Paloma screamed about all the work she’d done, and I screamed at God. 

Why don’t I have it, I yelled, Clarity or strength? I was too tired to listen to the silence and hear any kind of answer in it. I’ll go to confession tomorrow. I promised myself that on Wednesday, when I cried in the adoration chapel and then again in my car, after cashing a check for a babysitting gig I did two Fridays ago, because, again, all I am is numbers, so at least if the numbers go up so too do I. 

My hatred for numbers knows no bounds, and yet I am bound by them. At this rate of hating numbers, I’m going to become a socialist and eat bugs for the rest of my life. I will sit in the dirt and yell, like a small and angry dwarf, screeching at the top of my lungs whenever anyone offers me money, I don’t want that garbage! I’m an anarcho-socialist and we’re all going to hell! At least then, my university degree will have worked its course on me, and I will be what they all expected.

My little brother makes more money than I do, or ever will. I tend to think I am alright with that, until he’s laughing at the dinner table about cars he’s going to afford one day and someone glances at me as though they can read my mind and see the second of hopeless envy that I can’t quite turn off. Envy because it’s not mine, I don’t deserve it, I chose this, and I want what he has to happen to me. But I turn it off. Envy destroys you. I learned that in a class where all we did was read. 

My brother was once laughing about his mechanical technician degree at the table, saying that our grandmother told him that whatever he studied, be sure it wasn’t poetry. I don’t think he meant to drive a spear through my chest so hard. It wasn’t even him who did it. My grandmother has always cared about me. I chose her as my confirmation sponsor. I’ve always been so close to her. I know she thinks I’m not doing anything worthwhile, but it usually fades into the background when she asks about school and sees my eyes light up. I love it so much, I say, every time she asks, It’s so amazing. I was built for this. I was made for this. Don’t you understand? But she thinks studying poetry in college is as useless as gender studies or philosophy or underwater basket weaving or maybe pottery. However, with pottery, you can usually make a pot to sell on Etsy. 

My brother didn’t mean to hurt me that night at the dinner table, surrounded by my family who laughed. How was he supposed to know that a poetry degree and an English degree are basically the same thing? All I do is study poetry. Before people used the word literature, they referred to it all as poetry. “Don’t study poetry,” he said, “It’s not gonna get you anywhere.”

I didn’t say anything. I don’t know what I should have said. 

“You won’t get any girls,” my mother replied.

“Lord Byron would disagree,” I said, over a pork chop that was sucking all the moisture out of my mouth and a half-eaten salad. 

I did not cry at the dinner table. I cried later, alone in my bedroom that is only half mine. I haven’t made any money yet this summer, and my degree is quite pointless. Don’t study poetry. I sat alone and stared a the ceiling and wondered what all the self-destruction I do in its name is worth. 

Very little, and 40,000 US dollars in debt. 

It’s been raining since I realized my mother was projecting onto me. Her own restlessness was bleeding out of her and my exhaustion rises to meet her vigor. I know I’m meant to be young and full of life and passion, ready to face the world and meet it head on. All I want to do is sleep, drink water, and rot away. Drowning in a pond calls to me. Lying in the grass speaks my name. Pressing my face into the steering wheel of my car and sobbing is all I have energy for. Doing the backfloat out in the lake behind my house, turtles snapping at my hair and toes, brushing my hands out in the water lilies, feels preferable to any normal human feeling. 

Once in a while, I go stand out in the rain. It feels like I’m alive when I do that. I have to do it a lot in the school year. But also then it rarely rains. 

I thought maybe my mother would understand me more, when I saw her reading the prayer journal of Flannery O’Connor. I have never felt so horribly understood by any book in my life. But I don’t think she will. Because to understand me is to understand how I am not Flannery O’Connor. To look at me is to know all the ways in which I am infinitely lacking. 

But I made dinner tonight, even if no one will sit with me to eat it. I finished The Bell Jar. Sylvia Plath is my new friend, even if I don’t know what to think of her book. But then again, I never know what to think right when I first finish something. I took my sisters to youth group. I screamed in the car. I told my brother to have fun. I pretended to be brave and confident around my mother. I text my friend that I like screaming in cars.  She asks if she should add elves to her fantasy world. I say that I don’t think it’s necessary, but she should do what she wants. I watch it rain and eat my dinner. 

It’s been years since I’ve let it win like this. 

One must imagine Sisyphus happy. But I do not. I think his feet ached, his hands trembled, his muscles paining him with every step he took. Every time, I think, there was hope in his eyes as he reached the last few inches of that hill. Every time, I think, his heart beat a little faster and he wondered if maybe, just maybe, he’d do it this time, in the second before his grip slipped and the rock rolled back to the bottom of the hill. 

I wonder if Sisyphus ever sat down and cried.

[agandar]

finished side order. compiling my thoughts and impressions on it but not going too in depth, maybe later when the experience has settled a little

spoiler warning just in case

overall, i enjoyed playing through it. i did go through it all with every palette, including Eight's. the different weapons were fun, and im impressed how they managed to make it so that all of them are not only viable but fun - i was dreading the brush and sniper, but i even ended up enjoying them, which was pleasantly surprising.

some of the kits were frustrating, but they could be swapped out, so that's... fine, i guess. as well, some of them have biases towards chips that don't feel helpful or useful at all - the splatana's luck and drone bias was devastating - but you can turn off the bias so i guess thats also just. fine. but i wish we could just choose the bias we want. there are some builds i want to experiment with, but im gonna have to end up rerolling the floor for ages with that, which is irritating. i also wish there was a function to remove chips - maybe just a recycler or something at vending machines, it just gives a handful of membucks or something. there isnt really a lot of ways in terms of directing where you want your build to go and i wish we had just a tad more for that.

the chips themselves im also a bit mixed on. some chips feel like they do nothing, while others feel like one or two completely flips things. and some you need the full set to notice, but getting the full set is a pain, and by the time you have it it's barely useful anymore. some chips i also question whyre they're there - ink attack size never felt necessary (though that could totally be me - i want to eventually max all the chips so maybe i'll change my mind after putting it through it's paces) and the fact that the splatana's charge is a chip felt questionable, too. then there's the fact that there are SO MANY chips for damage that are all separated - rush damage, near damage, far damage, bomb damage, sound damage, and then the nine chips of regular damage. just... why are there so many? im not entirely bothered by it, near and far damage is neat in how it can change your playstyle, but. that just feels like too much

also not entirely happy with how the pearl drone is a little useless unless you have a bunch of chip upgrades + hacks for her, i understand not wanting to flood the selection pool with drone chips, but it still irks me a little

stage designs were fine, was a bit worried how well the 'complete x objective' mission style would mesh with a roguelike but it ended up fine. i also like the difficulty levels, you could choose how much risk you want based on how confident you are in your build and be rewarded or just play it safe to get that clear. some level designs were absolutely egregious though (looking at you, sisyphus) they don't feel challenging in a rewarding way, they just feel bad.

speaking of just bad, i really did not like the danger levels. at first i thought it was a fun little modifier, but over time my feelings on them really just soured. i liked the concept but hated it in practice - "danger" could be anything from no item drops, which is negligible, to not being able to use a primary mobility mechanic, which is awful. taking a danger level never added any extra difficulty in a way that was fun, but in a way that made it hard just because.

which, i think that's my problem with side order - things dont get more difficult in a way thats fun, they get more difficult just because. it doesnt feel more rewarding to beat it in hard mode because it just isnt fun anymore.

side order is fun, i beat it, im planning on playing it more, but it still just left me wanting some more. i dont want to say it feels shallow, but i wish there was just a touch more to really finish it up. because it is good, i do like it, but that's it. it's just... good. but i wish it could be pushed just a bit further to be great.

anyway im done rambling now, maybe i'll come back in a week and look at this and be like "actually, that's all wrong" but who knows. most of my gripes were minor but all together it just weighed my experience just enough. the story was fine, kinda irked that marina went "oh if i use cucumber phones as a terminal anyone could get pulled in against their will" and followed that up with "oh better warn the phone company" instead of. just making a dedicated terminal?? like that feels like a huge oversight but ok whatever. love acht love their extra dev log letters about marina glad they're joining the off the hook found family and wish we got more of them other than i push the elevator button. also agent 4 too what happened with them. what do you mean they were supposed to be head of security where are you. are you there. hello

[anotherduckinthedepths]

Here be the den of someone who's interests always find a way back to Minecraft, one way or another

Anyhow, hello, I'm Depths! (It might change later just warning you) I go by she/her pronouns and enjoy drawing + rambling about things I find interesting.

This blog is for those drawings and ramblings, specifically those tied to the QSMP, DSMP, Sbi, mcyt in general, and maybe some ranboo content if Im feeling like it, I'm generally open for interactions with others! (Granted I'm not the best at initiating interactions) I only ask that you both respect the DNI list below DNI: - TERFs, Racists, Homophobes, just be nice to people please (I hope this is unnecessary but better safe than sorry) - Those who support death threats/doxxing towards ANY content creators ("but you don't like (Insert cc here)", doesn't matter, no death threat/doxxing for ANY of them, full stop, you can dislike people or heck even deeply hate them without threatening their lives or the lives of those around them) And please do not harass me or anyone else who might pop up here just on the stance that we happen to enjoy a game and a story that is unfortunately connected to some well-known but divisive people online. Important addition, do not feel afraid to interact if you happen to like the characters played by ccs I dont like/support ! I'm not gonna shoo you away, I see them as seperate entities, like a character in a movie and the actor that plays them who exists outside of that, to do otherwise would be hypocritical of me. I want to try and make this blog as welcoming as I can to fellow fans regardless of how I view things, I do not seek to change anyone's mind and make them agree with me, I just wanna provide silly content to whoever enjoys it. Important tags #Depth's Art or #Depth's AU Art - Drawings I have done on this blog, from sketches to fully-fleshed out art pieces (if I ever do that), the latter is used for drawings regarding AUs I have. #Depth rambles - Random silly thoughts. #Serious Depth mode - Mainly got this up in the event of more serious posts, likely focusing on issues/discourse in the fandom and/or just how it affects me. I dont imagine I'll use this often but I feel like I'll end up having to use it at least once to explain my view of things. If you'd rather avoid seeing discussion around this I would suggest blocking this tag. #Depth's OCs - The tag for my OCs, more than likely minecraft related. #Depth's Brainrot About Jubilant - A specific tag for a very specific character that's on the border between AU character and OC (if you don't feel comfortable seeing posts about them due to the character they're an AU version of (hint- 🟩 :) ) I completely understand and you're more than welcome to block this tag)

_______ I have had some AUs cooking up in my brain and may post about them on this blog, when this happens I will list them down here and provide the tag it's assigned if you want to see my posts for it. Unnamed Superhero Warlock AU (Features c!dream and XD as main antagonists for the most part) (Important Note - This AU is right now kinda in-between being an AU and an original work, it's definetely still in AU territory rn, but I'm thinking of trying to make it it's own thing) The superpowered world all knows and looks up to Pantheon, a long-lasting group of individuals granted with two powers instead of one, what the public mostly doesn't know is that this comes at the cost of becoming a servant to an entity beyond comprehension, and becoming nothing more than a puppet to serve it's desires to invade and control the material plane. Kristin is one of these members of the current Pantheon, tied to a entity of the afterlife, she's long been resigned to her destiny as Lady Death, she is doomed to hunt criminals (or just those who know too much) and those she's sent after are doomed to never escape, none she has been sent after even managing to escape one encounter with her. ... until a man soon to be named Sisyphus manages to get away. Tag - #Unnamed Superhero Warlock AU QSMP Pokemon Mystery Dungeon AU Exactly what it says on the tin, an AU where the players are humans turned into Pokemon and are now stranded in a large remote island in the Pokemon world. Littered with Mystery Dungeons and various other dangers that threaten both them and the pokemon they've been given to care for. Tag - #qsmp pmd au

[ongolecharles]

DAILY SCRIPTURE READINGS (DSR) 📚 Group, Thu Oct 10th, 2024 ... Thursday of The Twenty-Seventh Week in Ordinary Time, Year B

Reading 1

----------

GAL 3:1-5

O stupid Galatians!

Who has bewitched you,

before whose eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified?

I want to learn only this from you:

did you receive the Spirit from works of the law,

or from faith in what you heard?

Are you so stupid?

After beginning with the Spirit,

are you now ending with the flesh?

Did you experience so many things in vain?–

if indeed it was in vain.

Does, then, the one who supplies the Spirit to you

and works mighty deeds among you

do so from works of the law

or from faith in what you heard?

Responsorial Psalm

-----------------

LK 1:69-70, 71-72, 73-75

R. (68) Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel; he has come to his people.

He has raised up for us a mighty savior,

born of the house of his servant David.

R. Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel; he has come to his people.

Through his holy prophets he promised of old

that he would save us from our enemies,

from the hands of all who hate us.

R. Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel; he has come to his people.

He promised to show mercy to our fathers

and to remember his holy covenant.

R. Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel; he has come to his people.

This was the oath he swore to our father Abraham:

to set us free from the hands of our enemies,

free to worship him without fear,

holy and righteous in his sight

all the days of our life.

R. Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel; He has come to his people.

 

Alleluia

---------

ACTS 16:14B

R. Alleluia, alleluia.

Open our hearts, O Lord,

to listen to the words of your Son.

R. Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel

--------

LK 11:5-13

Jesus said to his disciples:

“Suppose one of you has a friend

to whom he goes at midnight and says,

‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread,

for a friend of mine has arrived at my house from a journey

and I have nothing to offer him,’

and he says in reply from within,

‘Do not bother me; the door has already been locked

and my children and I are already in bed.

I cannot get up to give you anything.’

I tell you, if he does not get up to give him the loaves

because of their friendship,

he will get up to give him whatever he needs

because of his persistence.

“And I tell you, ask and you will receive;

seek and you will find;

knock and the door will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks, receives;

and the one who seeks, finds;

and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

What father  among you would hand his son a snake

when he asks for a fish?

Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg?

If you then, who are wicked,

know how to give good gifts to your children,

how much more will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit

to those who ask him?”

***

FOCUS AND LITURGY OF THE WORD

What was the message Jesus was trying to convey to his disciples in today’s Gospel reading?

The story about a friend knocking on his neighbor’s door at midnight asking for bread seems odd in today’s world.

Would we knock on our neighbor’s door at midnight? No, we would call their cellphone or send them a text. That would be a lot easier than walking down a pitch black, unlit street to seek them out. And if they didn’t answer our text or call, oh well, we tried, and that might likely be the end of our attempt to reach them. (And, if we really did need bread for a late arriving house guest so we could make them a sandwich, there is always the 24-7 convenience store nearby.)

But in Jesus’ time the options were not unlimited, and unless one was “persistent” in their search, their needs would go unfulfilled. When we think of the word “persistence,” we think of words like dogged determination, unrelenting, unremitting or abiding. And the image we often associate with the word might be of Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the mountain only to see it roll back down, again and again. Was Jesus telling the disciples that their work would not be easy but if they “persisted” they would prevail?

So, how would we rate our own level of persistence? Are we “relentless” and do we focus our efforts with “dogged determination,” or when obstacles appear, do we look for an easy way around them? If we think about the books started and not finished or the diets contemplated but not started, or abandoned exercise equipment, we might begin to see a trend.

Rather than think only about “persistence” in our personal lives, how persistent are we in growing our spiritual lives? If we are to evaluate ourselves based solely upon saying a blessing before our meals, reading daily reflections and going to Mass on Sunday, most would probably have high marks and proudly claim we are “persistent.”

But is that the type of “persistence” Jesus was talking about? Or, was he telling his disciples that it takes so much more to be true to our faith, lots of knocking on doors, seeking answers, and lots of questions to ask about how to grow each and every day in strengthening our faith and our love for God. For, as we all know so very well, there are many distractions along the way to prevent us from reaching our goal. 

As we focus upon the Gospel, we need to remember that despite our slips, stumbles or falls, we need to “persist” in practicing our faith and living it in our thoughts, words and deeds. Let’s pause and reflect upon how we interact with others, be it family, co-workers, neighbors or complete strangers, and think about the love we show them. Is it Christ like, full of compassion, understanding and a willingness to help? This may be the best indicator of just how deeply Christ is part of our lives and how “persistent” we are.

Hopefully, when living our faith, we are “relentless” and have “dogged determination” to be true to our faith. For in today’s world, that might be as hard as finding a loaf of bread at midnight in Jesus’ world.

***

SAINT OF THE DAY

Saint Francis Borgia

(October 28, 1510 – September 30, 1572)

Saint Francis Borgia’s Story

Today’s saint grew up in an important family in 16th-century Spain, serving in the imperial court and quickly advancing in his career. But a series of events—including the death of his beloved wife—made Francis Borgia rethink his priorities. He gave up public life, gave away his possessions, and joined the new and little-known Society of Jesus.

Religious life proved to be the right choice. Francis felt drawn to spend time in seclusion and prayer, but his administrative talents also made him a natural for other tasks. He helped in the establishment of what is now the Gregorian University in Rome. Not long after his ordination, he served as political and spiritual adviser to the emperor. In Spain, he founded a dozen colleges.

At 55, Francis was elected head of the Jesuits. He focused on the growth of the Society of Jesus, the spiritual preparation of its new members, and spreading the faith in many parts of Europe. He was responsible for the founding of Jesuit missions in Florida, Mexico, and Peru.

Francis Borgia is often regarded as the second founder of the Jesuits. He died in 1572 and was canonized 100 years later.

Reflection

-----------

Sometimes the Lord reveals his will for us in stages. Many people hear a call in later life to serve in a different capacity. We never know what the Lord has in store for us.

Saint Francis Borgia is the Patron Saint of:

Earthquakes

***

【Build your Faith in Christ Jesus on #dailyscripturereadingsgroup 📚: +256 751 540 524 .. Whatsapp】

[morsinteritus]

No words can elaborate how much pain and damage you've done.

No amount of faking it and standing brave will ever make up for what you did

No pleas of "sorry"s and other ways you wish to mend it (as if you wanted to anyway with how you see me as wrong every step of the fucking way) will ever fill the gap you've punctured in this hollow heart i possess.

You will never get me back but i will still eat with you and the pack of wolves in sheep's clothing which you de facto lead every single recognition day.

I will only talk if you beg and beg for me to say yes. Given you never want to beg for others, it will never happen.

Besides, calling me "it's always about you" and saying "wara man sato malinig" was the final nail in the coffin for a relationship in which you had nothing worth offering back.

You were so boring that you couldn't talk anything about yourself that i even had to talk to you for months about updating myself and you couldn't insert yourself ANYWHERE INTERESTING. THEN YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY "IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT ME" when you've never ever given anything bout yourself. I was the only one efforting on that boat whilst your bullshit exploitative and manipulative savior complex gets the better of you once I'm your groupmate and you call it an act of friendship when it was your obligation to do as a fucking leader so irregardless if i was your groupmate or not. I AM SO SICK OF YOU and the fact that I've ended up this sick and pathetic that my coping mechanism is to fight my pain with more pain and stress to counteract the damage you've done is slowly driving me physically ill. I hate that this anger hasn't disapitated despite my emotionless face everytime i go outside. I hate that i loved you that much i started hating you and how i remember every bullshit you say that you change every single time a new person asked. I hate that i feel like i mustn't be angry and don't deserve to voice out. I hate that you will never know you are the one in the wrong and won't stop with your bullshit on wokeness and contemporarily shit mindset and oneliners. Your voice is so irritating saying those things I wished that I was either fully deaf to not hear that homoerotic voice your larynx has been playing the minute you started puberty or hoped I had a knife to slit open your throat to rip that voicebox out in order to break whatever repetitive disc recording of whatever you present in every fucking research time that turns me into an overstimulated monster as I breathe and continue to relapse from the damage you did.

I may as well be Sisyphus as everytime I heal back such wounds tend to return in the morning back to square one; a pain comparable to that of Prometheus, forever bound to a mountain with a vulture eating out his liver and the latter growing back again every day to be eaten. I am trapped in a cycle. I am trapped in the hell you've made me feel while you enjoy your life after ruining another. I wonder if ever i do become valedictorian i will add this segment in my speech. I wonder if i will immortalize you in some way so infamously disgusting you'd see just how much regret you would have for a man who stated he has no regrets in life and proceeds to whine how he should've done something about a decision he had complete control on but couldn't because he's lazy.

Papa was right. I should've killed you that day. I should've taken your life. Your lucky all i did is sob and never got my urges over me.

[sadnesslaughs]

The witch begs your forgiveness for cursing you as a child; She was young and hot-headed, and would you like her to undo the curse? You aren’t sure what to say, as this is the first you’ve heard about any of this.

“Hi, it has come to my attention that I may have cursed you in the past. That was not very nice of me. The magic council has deemed me a Hex offender and, as such, I am required to correct all my previous wrongs. If I don’t, I’ll have my soul cast into the body of a lizard, frog, spider, or whatever they have lying around their offices. Lettuce, Carrots, Spinach-“ The witch began reading through her grocery list. Not even looking at Geoff as she stood on his doorstep. The palm cards nestled between her fingers, keeping a firm grip on them.

“Um, is there a new snazzy version of the Wizard of Oz on at the Jeva theater? If so, your costume is spectacular. Although, if you don’t mind some constructive criticism. I would suggest facing the speaker when saying your lines. It makes it feel more personal.” Geoff knew nothing about the strange woman. Only knowing that her grocery list matched the diets of the rabbits he saw bouncing through the backyard of his property.

“No, I cursed you when I was younger. It’s a long story. Did you ever rebel against your mother when you were young? Some people throw rocks at cars, others spray paint. I cursed. It’s a phase that most witches grow out of by the time they reach two hundred.” The palm cards vanished with a quick sleight of hand. The trick causing Geoff to clap.

“I did sometimes steal a cookie when it was past my bedtime. Not to eat, just to leave out in case santa arrived. I never learned to read a calendar, always frustrated my poor parents. So, how much for a ticket?” Geoff reached for his wallet, only for the witch to grab his hand. The cold palm of the witch freezing his arm hairs.

“No. Don’t. I COULD NEVER ACCEPT MONEY FROM A PERSON I’M TRYING TO HELP.” She shouted, eyes darting as she turned around. A black cat stopped on the footpath, watching the witch momentarily. The witch took a breath, pushing his hand towards his pocket. “I’m trying to help you. There’s no show. I’m a real life witch.”

“A real witch. Not a Sand Witch. Get it? Like a sandwich.” Geoff chuckled, only for the witch’s frustration to grow. She started mumbling a hex, the clouds darkening overhead. Before a bolt of lightning could come down, the cat meowed, causing her to lose her nerve.

“Ha…ha. Very funny, sir. A sandwich. How creative. What children’s joke book did you find that one in? I’m certain it must have been in the discount bin.” The witch smiled.

“Oh, it was. I got it from Penny or Pound. Do you shop there? It’s a book called. One hundred and one jokes for making friends. It’s a great read. I can lend it to you.”

“I… appreciate the sentiment, but I will have to decline. Now, we have established that I am a witch and a former hexaholic. If anyone is listening, I would like that noted in the records.” She glared at the cat who had gone back to licking itself, pretending not to care in that typical cat fashion. “Now, I’ll remove your curse.”

“What curse?”

“The curse that makes you believe it’s Christmas eve every day. Remember. I was trying to teach you a lesson about appreciating the scarcity of happiness. If anything, I would say this was a lesson rather than a curse.”

“Reow?” The cat spoke up.

“Ok, ok. Fine. I did it because I thought it was funny.”

“Reow….”

“Ok, I did it because I hated Christmas and I was jealous that he had a loving family while I had a mother who called me daughter three. The one to use when I need spare eyes. Are you happy?”

“Meow.”

“As I was saying. I’ll remove your curse.” The witch gave a fake smile. Her purple lips having to lift a weight as great as Sisyphus’s struggle to get her mouth to move that way.

“What curse? It is Christmas eve. Tis the season to be jolly as they say.”

“No. it’s not. It’s August. My curse makes you think it’s always Christmas eve. Look, I need you to want the curse removed. I can’t force you to remove it. So, what do you say?”

“I say, Ho Ho Ho and a Merry Christmas Eve.” Geoff laughed, slapping his belly in a jolly gesture.

“Ok, I tried. Enjoy your curse, weirdo.” The witch turned, only for the cat to hiss at her. “What? I tried.” The cat hissed again. “Don’t call me that. Fine. I didn’t think elder mages could threaten people. Who's the real monster?” She turned back around, sighing. “Have none of your family ever mentioned this to you?”

“Hm. Now that you mention it. My mother did take me to see a lot of doctors. I think they mentioned I was suffering from some trauma. I hit my head that night, so that could have caused something. My parents and the doctors ended up being wrong, though. My dad admitted that I was right about the date. So, I think your curse story is a little farfetched.”

“So, they indulged your curse to not cause you any further damage. Clever. I think deep down you know they’re lying to you. If you let me remove the curse, I’ll prove it.” The witch held out her hand again, trying to get this over with.

“So, if you’re right. Does that mean I wasted all day getting Christmas decorations for nothing?”

“Indeed. Hurry up, hand in my palm, now.”

“Oh. Seems a waste not to use them. How about we have a Christmas party and you can remove my curse after?” Geoff said, offering to let her into his home. The home decorated with Christmas ornaments and Santa statues. The home looking like it belonged to someone that either had a deep, unrequited love for Santa or planned to assassinate him.

“I don’t have time.”

“Meow?”

“Ok, I have plenty of time.” The witch crouched before the cat, poking its nose. “This isn’t part of the deal.”

“Meow.”

“What? You can’t change the deal. Are you a council member or a con artist? Fine, if I do this, no more threatening to turn me into an animal.”

“Meowwww.” The cat said, the meow having a little sadness to it. The cat enjoying being able to meow its threats.

The witch entered and thus, Geoff’s 6890 Day of Christmas eve began. The witch spent the first three hours brooding on the couch. Having to listen to Christmas music while Geoff sang. The fourth hour, the group played charades. A game that was hard to play with only two people and a cat.

By the end of the night, the witch didn’t hate the holiday as much as she thought she would. The two discuss what presents they would like. When it got late, the cat curled up in Geoff’s Christmas sweater, while the witch and Geoff discussed the holiday in further detail.

“What a night. Ok, I’m ready to have it removed.” Geoff held out his hand.

“Right. Sorry and stuff.” She gripped his hand and sent out a hot, invisible flame through his arm. Geoff howled, waking the cat, his skin feeling as though it would bubble and pop at any moment. Only for the pain to fade as quickly as it came, exiting out his toes. When the pain left, he stared at the witch and cat.

“So, it was all a lie. I’ll have to apologize to everyone. All my Christmas chatter would have driven them insane. Must be why mom and dad don’t call very often. Hey. Since it’s not Christmas. Do you want a present? I can’t keep them around the house, so feel free to take something. They’re only cheap. I spent so much money on presents that I ended up needing to buy my gifts from Penny and Pound.”

“A gift? Why? Do you intend to get your revenge by luring me into a trap? What happens when I open the box? Will a gnome climb out and pull out my eye?”

“Me-ow.” The cat yawned, trying to snap out of its sleepy state.

“What? It’s what I would do to a person who cursed me. Fine. I accept your gift.” She went to the tree, picking out a small candy cane colored box. “Thank you. I shall take my leave.”

“Ok. Hey. You mentioned being jealous of my family. If you want. You can come to our Christmas party this year. If you don’t curse anyone.”

“I’ll consider it. Come on, let’s get going.” The cat followed her out the door. When she got outside, she opened the box, finding a little snowman keychain. The snowman green due to some printing error, explaining the cheap cost. She smiled, deeming it a witch snowman or a snow witch for short. She attached it to her dungeon key before flying off on her broom.