#but I can also see that by the time she got around to Shad she wasn’t that person anymore

[kurithedweeb]

I just learned why Shad hates Irene in canon and knowing what I do now about everyone’s favorite the Matron, I can say with my whole heart,

What the hell, Irene

[007reid]

omg, i’m learning to crochet and i’m just imagining crocheting spence a scarf and him wearing it all the time

JUST IMAGINE

he’d be so touched that you made something for him with your bare hands

it would be one his favourite items, ever (folded neatly in his top draw when he’s not wearing it)

it wouldn’t matter if a few chains are wonky, he’d love it either way

i just imagine derek and emily taking the piss out of him for wearing it all the time. oh but penelope absolutely loves it!

anyways- yeh i’m crocheting

- 🦕 xx

written super fast cus i got inspired and not proof read, sorry guys

also i have not crocheted or have ever shown interest in crocheting my whole life so everything i made up so plz ignore the mistakes 😓enjoy!

scarf. spencer reid

spencer reid x fem!reader

to tell you that you’re good at crocheting would be lying to you but you don’t think that spencer is lying at all, because of course for a man who knows everything about the workings of the world, he doesn’t know what a good crochet scarf looks like.

originally it was a prototype of yours, your first attempt after watching a youtube tutorial twice but spencer insists on having it, saying that it's too much yarn to go to waste and when you said that you can just pull it out, he didn't sit around to hear. he carries it around like a trophy of some sort, making a point of wearing it everywhere he goes.

your attempts of trying to tell him to knock it off, promising that you'll make another one that looks more decent but spencer says he likes the uneven lines, likes how the fluff rubs against his skin and how it keeps him warmer than a normal scarf. you think--scratch that, you know that it's all bullshit, but spencer's one immovable object to go against. getting ready to go to work together used to be your favorite part of the day but now it's just embarrassing.

embarrassing would be a wrong word. more like frustrating.

"you crocheted it in my favorite color yn," spencer defends the ugly scarf like it's his child, throwing it around his shoulder and wrapping it snugly around his neck. the purple looks absolutely offensive against the beige of his thrifted sweater, but his eyes melting and lips pouting at you made the look work. kind of. it's still fucking ugly.

"that's 'cause you bought the yarn for me spence," you roll your eyes exasperatedly. the scarf's been a conversation topic every morning since spencer saw it sitting sadly in your closet and fell in love with it. considering how spencer's entire wardrobe is made of old man clothes and unconventional colors, you would understand the appeal of something looking wonky and strange, but the scarf is a stretch.

to be honest, you think it's endearing, spencer's tainted fashion sense. it makes him look softer, heartier, like a welcoming little plush bear with his wispy curls and pink cheeks and gentle voice and worn cardigans. the scarf does fit all his criteria for a good piece of clothing so you should've saw it coming that he would hold on to it like his lifeline and you would tolerate it if he didn't go to every single person he sees throughout the day and boast about the maker of the scarf and you shrinking in the corner as he talks about you. morgan was the first to laugh about it, followed by emily.

"got the hands to diffuse a bomb but not one to crochet a decent scarf, huh?" morgan would say as he walks past your cubicle, a cheshire grin on his face. emily would chuckle. you would snap at him, "shut the hell up morgan," and then sigh. because what the hell. the scarf is so fucking ugly but spencer parades it like the queen's necklace.

you get better at crocheting--it helps you think and you would do it on the plane to new cases sometimes and threaten to stab emily if she makes fun of you--and eventually, you finish crocheting a duplicate for spencer's monstrosity of a purple scarf. this one is more in the shape of a scarf instead of one wacky-looking pasta noodle, with straight chains and the shade of purple on this one is cuter; dark and elegant. you couldn't wait to show it to spencer, couldn't wait for him to finally throw away the crusty scarf he loves so much.

the new one sits, folded neatly, on the table on his side of the bed. for days. winter rolls around and spencer wears it to fucking sleep.

"give that poor scarf a break reid," emily comments. spencer chews on his lip as he flicks through files, silent and unbothered, fingers unconsciously running through the bumpy chains, back and forth. you mumble your agreement and when he pays no attention to you like he did emily, too immerse in his work.

after work that day, you and spencer take a walk around the city, bodies huddled closely together. the first snowflake falls and spencer catches it on his finger, shoving his finger closely to your face, proud of himself. his grin is hidden underneath the purple scarf and for the first time, you don't mind.

"it melted," you tell him and spencer drops his hand, flicking at his index finger disappointedly.

"i can't wait for it to snow," he says, looking up at the grey sky.

"i can't wait for that scarf to decompose," you say, just speaking off the top of your head.

"i like the scarf," spencer quips, mood clashing yours.

"i know you do baby," you sigh, defeated. spencer's frozen fingers grasp yours and runs his fingers over the bumps of your knuckles. being so close you can smell him, soft and sweet like vanilla and old cotton and comfort. "why don't you ever wear the other one?"

spencer shrugs. "just doesn't feel the same." he adds. "and i like this purple better."

[iridiss]

binging diaries again… finally got around to my diaries Aphmau redesign…

She’s a bundle of joy when she first arrives in town, a selfless and optimistic problem-solver who took one look at a rotting, decaying village and decided she would fix it up single-handedly. She repairs their houses, builds a guard tower, builds them a bigger and better farm, builds more homes, brings a lot more villagers and merchants to the town, rebuilds old alliances that decayed after Malik’s death and makes new ones with near and faraway towns. Shes stubborn and headstrong at times, and in the beginning her desire to always see the best in people leads her into some nasty situations, but through her actions, agency, and persistent efforts, she becomes the embodiment of hope and healing for the town (Very similarly to how Irene the Matron aided her hometown in its recovery!). This is why the town elects her the Lord of the village.

Loss after loss, battle after battle, traumatic event after traumatic event, the state of the world slowly falling apart around her gradually chips away at her bright and cheery demeanor, matures her, hardens her into a woman that is- still very much capable of being sweet and happy and warm and loving!!! She never loses her core personality!! But it…changes her nonetheless. It hurts, and she grieves, and it comes dangerously close to breaking her over the years. She ends up hardening into a woman who’s capable of playing both the darling lover and the military General. A woman who’s learned how to be cautious and wary and approach things tactically, who learned how to determine the difference between a good person who just needs to be warmed out of their shell—and a charismatic liar whose nowhere near as good as they seem on the surface. She’s mature, she’s wise, she’s a natural leader, she’s cautious and on occasion can be rather guarded, but…she’ll always be warm and gentle and kind on the inside.

After Aaron dies, her mental health takes a massive dip, and on occasion she ends up in a rather dark mental place. A vengeful, angry, violent place. Come season three, she’s learned that sometimes you have to kill in order to protect the ones you love the most, and after he dies, that part of her becomes…a bit worse. If you’re her ally, the only change you would have noticed is the deepened bags under her eyes and her lack of sleep, but if you’re an established enemy, like, say, Zane, you might notice that she’s stopped talking things out and started jumping straight to Kill Mode (…which is, tbh, valid). She leans heavily on her partners to help her through this darker time in her life, and after the series finale when they get Aaron back and Shad is defeated, she’s doing much better.

She’s a sweetheart and a goody-two-shoes, yes, but like. she’s also basically a military general in the midst of a very long war. she’s got fuckin ptsd and is MUCH more emotionally mature and wisened than her Mystreet and Void Paradox counterparts. girlies been through hell. literally.

Also religious trauma I think she’d have plenty fair share of religious trauma from the whole Irene business

[victoriadallonfan]

There's Shadiversity drama????

I just know him as the funny shout man complaining about back sheaths.

Oh you have no idea.

Dude is an absolute alt-right moron. He got upset his daughter enjoyed Princess Peach, because Princess Peach wore pants and wasn’t a damsel in the Super Mario movie.

He openly says that he doesn’t believe people of the same sex should be able to get married.

He follows Matt Walsh (open fascist and Nazi), and several other white supremacist/alt-right YouTubers/podcasters/comic writers (including that former Injustice artist who went on to work on the “Blacklist Comic Universe”… because he got banned from mainstream comics for being an asshole)

He openly believes that women are biologically inferior to men and that they should be satisfied with the “soft power” they have as “home makers” and not focus on politics or wanting more rights.

He wrote a book called “Shadow of the Conqueror” which has a Mary Sue Hitler/Stalin/Mao expy who is 90 years old be given a “sexy” 17 year old body and tries to romance one of his many rape victims (who was 14 when the MC raped her as an adult btw, which makes her 40 years old by the time of the story starts…) and then beats her up and mocks her when she realizes he’s her rapist… while also claiming he can’t die because being allowed to live and see how much he’s hurting her is “a punishment greater than death”) to him.

Also when he’s confronted by all his former rape victims, the MC notes that the ones who were REALLY upset were women who didn’t get pregnant from said rape. Also also, any woman who is raped and exposed to darkness in the setting turns into sex crazed succubi (only the women and only by men; men can’t be raped or molested, not even his son whom the MC kills by impaling anally with a broken piece of wood) . Not that you would notice because literally every single woman, especially the sexually abused ones, throw themselves at the MC to have sex with them

You know what, go watch this review of the book

Anyways, after the book came out and more and more people started to realize this book is awful, sexist, homophobic (guess how many times the MC calls his friend gay… even for things as simple as “hey do you want to just walk around town and enjoy the view?”), and rape apologetic, Shad then created a video where he decides to read only positive (some of them non verified book purchasers) recent reviewers but is not smart enough to edit out the negative reviews that he scrolls by, so you can pause the video and read the ones that point out how bad the book is.

He is just a stupid, petty, bigoted man

[skyward-floored]

I'd like to hear about your hw rewrite ideas 👀

- hero-of-the-wolf

*cracks knuckles* gladly!

I mostly just have notes on fleshing out the story, changing a few characters, actually fitting the game and other era stuff in with canon in a way that might make sense and things like that. And I only really have stuff about the base game since that’s the one I own, so I’m not going to go into dlc/definitive edition stuff as much. I’m going to focus on the three different displaced eras mostly in this post just because that’s what I’ve mostly got fleshed out the most :)

But first I also have to mention a couple other things first:

Kid Link has been upgraded to story mode character, instead of merely unlockable in that one mode. Sheik has a much more legitimate reason to exist and Impa realizes much earlier that this random Sheikah warrior is actually the missing Zelda. Cia still looks suggestive, but has clothes that look more like clothes and not just underwear. She and Lana have the same skin tone. And I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting but that’s the main stuff. Moving on!

Skyward Sword

I’m placing this one about... hm. I actually have two ideas here about that.

The first is to have this take place a few hundred years before skyward sword, and be only a distant history lesson by the time sksw itself rolls around, which would make sense but for the fact that Skyloft looks a little too much like it does in sksw to be that far off.

The other idea is to make it be fifty or so years before sksw, and be part of the reason Skyloft isn’t all that populated. The bit of war that touched them took out a fair amount of the population, and Gaepora was a kid around when this all went down, which inspired him to start the knight academy when he was older. Both have their pros and cons, though I think I’m leaning towards the second.

That’s the biggest thing I’m changing for this era, though I will address the Groosenator paradox, being “how can the Groosenator be around to stop the imprisonef if this is before Groose is even born”. Well you see, canons in loz have two names: canon, and Groosenator. The army from hw brings their canons along with them when they go to sksw’s era, and they call them groosenators because they’re from an era after they were invented. Bam.

Ocarina of Time

Placing the time for this one is tricky, since Ruto is an adult, but I don’t know if she’s like... gone through oot..? Is this the mm/tp timeline where Link is still around? Is this the ww timeline where Link left? I do not know. And I don’t know which makes more sense.

Aside from the Sheik stuff I’m largely leaving this bit untouched. I think it would be fun to include more sages, maybe even oot Zelda, but admittedly I haven’t thought this one through quite as much (except for the sheik stuff).

Twilight princess

I’m placing the era of twilight in this game as happening after tp itself. “But Peggy where’s tp Link then” he’s either on vacation so far away he didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late or Cia accidentally yeeted him to botw as a wolf. Don’t worry about it.

Anywho this part begins with Lana heading to twilight-era Hyrule, finding it absolutely covered in twilight, and later meeting Agitha and Midna. In my version I’m kicking out Agitha as a main playable character, because out of all the cool characters in twilight princess they picked her?? The bug girl?? She’s nice and all but no. Sorry. She can still be around as part of the story (saving her makes a good level mechanic), but not as a major player. She can even be playable still, but not as a major person.

I’m replacing her with the Resistance. Lana gets to the era of twilight and finds Rusl, Shad, Ashei, and maybe Auru (don’t know if he’d be active enough to want to fight) trying fruitlessly to protect Kakariko, figure out what the heck is going on, where the huge influx of monsters came from, and how the heckin twilight is back. Lana explains about the monsters, but can’t tell them much about the twilight. Somewhere in here Midna shows up on her hunt for Cia, furious at being an imp again, even more furious about the twilight spread over Hyrule again, and especially majorly furious that Zant is somehow back. The game never explains this, but I’m saying that Cia somehow brought him back. Or he was secretly not dead and laying low. One of those.

The Resistance goes along with Lana (and Midna once they convince her they’re on the same side) to stop Zant (Zelda maybe shows up for a bit, but she’s holding down the fort in Hyrule, so after a quick “oh crap Midna’s here that’s bad”, she’s not around as much). I figure the Resistance members are all one “character” in that each combo is like, a different one of them or something. Or they’d all be different lol idk. This is getting really long and I’m running out of steam haha.

But yeah those are my thoughts on those parts at least— I have more thoughts about character interactions and some other random things, but like I said this is really long XD hopefully that answers your question at least a little :)

[eliteseven]

OMG, Tav is just too adorable asking for SH's hand from Emmeline and Arnell, even though EVERYONE heard the proposal. How do you think the conversation went between them? I imagine SH's parents with a mix of emotions: joy, amusement, tenderness, and relief because not only has SH been lucky to find Serena, but her parents have also found a kind soul who cares for them as an equally important part of her life.

She is baby 🥺💕 she just wanted to impress Shadowheart and ask without stumbling over her words (bc Shads looks at her with those big green doe eyes and Tav forgets how to speak common, sometimes 😅)

Arnell and Emmeline love Serena. She's respectful AF, polite, sweet as ever to Shadowheart and the animals, takes time to bond with them...and she makes Shadowheart laugh. It's a resounding YES.

I actually wrote in a part where she asks Arnell and Emmeline but cut it bc it was screwing with the flow of the chapter. Here’s my favorite part of that interaction:

“You are a finer companion than we ever could have imagined for our daughter. As appreciated as this gesture is, in truth, Serena, you needn’t ask our blessing; though rest assured you have it- both of ours.” Arnell begins, calmly, and Emmeline nods her agreement. “There are but two accounts that matter in this instance; yours, and Shadowheart’s.” He smiles. “No one can question the love you bear for our daughter. And while I cannot speak for Shadowheart, as I understand it, you bring her happiness, the kind she has not known since she was but a girl.”

“She smiles in just the same way she did when she was a child, when she’s around you.” Emmeline utters, closing her eyes and smiling; she can see Shadowheart’s toothy grin in her memories, vivid and bright. There is bliss in her expression as the memories wash over her. “It was…a sight I never thought I’d see again....Until you.” The last part comes out in a thankful whisper as Emmeline’s eyes open to find Serena’s gaze, thanking her profusely without saying anything at all.  

“I- You honor me.” Serena manages to choke out a dignified response, blinking away the tears she begins to feel gathering in the corners of her eyes. 

“In truth, it might be to your advantage to ask sooner, rather than later.” Arnell admits with a little chuckle. “...Seeing as Shadowheart, too, has learned to take what she desires most deeply.” 

Serena freezes. 

She’d never once stopped to consider the fact that Shadowheart could propose first. 

Emmeline seems to be amused by her impression of a fish, what with her mouth gaping open in shock, because she chuckles over her next sip of tea. 

“I…I’m not prepared!” Serena gushes, eyes widening upon the realization that she isn’t nearly as ready as she’d believed, prior. “...Gods, I haven’t even decided how to ask! It’s Shadowheart, she’ll know what to expect if I-” Serena’s ramblings go unnoticed by Emmeline and Arnell, who find great amusement in the way their daughter seems to have such an accomplished knight, and noble, floundering so pathetically to impress her. 

Emmeline then adds, in one of her rare moments of extra-lucidity that remind Serena where Shadowheart got her playfully sharp wit from, “Any one of the fifty variations you practiced on the cats will suffice, I should think.” 

[lucindaspartnerrealandtrue]

okokok i NEED to know abt ur oc!!! im lowkey already obsessed w her whoops

We can be obsseseded with her togehter <3

I ended up properly RANTING, so I'll put it all under the cut so people won't have to scroll down a bunch of paragraphs about someone's random oc's lore

Mermaid lore

Me and a friend of mine decided that there are two types of mermaids in their universe, ignoring that there are other types of fish people. Ones that live in big lakes, these ones being bigger due to most lakes kinda being somewhat enchanted and for simplicity this is what we call sirens(even if they're basically kinda the same thing, but also sirens i don't think are even half fish but shh), and ones that live in seas/oceans, these being slightly smaller and we're just gonna refer to them as mermaids. Why's that? Good question! Fantasy reasoning I suppose, but to give an even more exact reasoning, i'd say that all waters are enchanted due to a reason or two but lakes don't have as much movement and in the ones that sirens are mostly found, the water also has a hard time reaching the sea so the magic gets to concentrate more? Anyway, even if they're cousin species, they do not fancy each other. Sirens need a big quantity of food as they're bigger(thinking something 7ft), while mermaids are smaller. Both species are somewhat hostile towards anything that comes from the surface.

Backstory

Manya was born in a group of sirens originally, residing in a lake, but she got lost when she was still very small and ended up in the sea(The Gal'ruk Sea, to be more specific). Now, she gets adopted by another shoal of mers that think she's one of their own, but as she grows up, they start realising that she's different, and by different I mean that she's a siren. So she ends up exiled from the only home she ever knew, as a teenager basically. That, of course leaves her bitter. She was kicked out even though she did nothing. Just because she's different. No one wants her around, and no other group would accept her. The thought of trying and find her way back to a lake does cross her mind, but, even if she does, then what? Will she really be truly accepted? So she doesn't do anything. Basically just decides that she'll remain on her own. Regardless, as any respectable mermaid, she spends her time by tricking sailors to their death. Easy lunch. (Not that food helps too much).

'Present' times

Now, she'd be appearing in season 3. Picking up from where it last left us, Aphmau, Lucinda and Lo are in the The Gal'ruk Region, and the girls went to search through Enki's library(if i remember correctly). Well, at this point I decided that SOMEONE from the main cast is coming for them to warn them about some big danger(probably Shad, or the Shadow Knights in general, i do not have this part entirely decided). And that someone i decided would be Katelyn(and Travis). Manya ends up stalking this exact boat, awaiting a new meal. She takes Aphmau's form. And now, well, I have a very specific imagine in my head; Katelyn leaning over the boat's fence, probably slightly sea sick, a rock gets thrown towards her, and she looks downwards and just sees this...head peaking out of the water, familiar orange eyes looking at her. Black hair framing them. And she's just like '????'. Manya gets out of the water, they talk. Things feel off but for SOME reason Kate can't put her finger on what exactly it is(she's in a trance that's why). 'Aphmau' gets on board(on suspiciously shaky legs)...Kate does realise that this Aphmau...doesn't have her markings/tattoos. She's starting to think it's just a weird dream. But before things can get worse, Travis interrupts.

From this point onwards, I do not have any SPECIFIC ideas for her YET except concepts...I know they take her with them and for a while she resides in a huge aquarium on the Phoenix Alliance island(she does not appreciate that, for multiple reasons). And she keeps stealing people's forms to mess with them. She does befriend them. Eventually. She becomes friends with Vylad first tho, somehow(they eat together in comfortable silence)...I have some imagines in my head of her and Zoey ahem.. And she does get freed later in the season after all the disaster happening around them starts getting easier to handle. But she hangs around because she will finally find her crowd. She's not that important to the lore as much as she is a plot B, but she does help with coordination. After they start getting on her good side.

Anyway, this is the story summarised as much as I could! Thank you for actually going through my rambling if you read this and I tried to keep it as organised as I could ^^

[gonedreaminggg]

Alright.

Council, we've got some work to do.

@laurencezvahlslefteyebrow @xerith-42 @cinnamontoastcroonch

I've been thinking about all of our shadow knights headcanons, and how they make sense in the grand scheme of things. Because right now, we are a bit disorganized.

We've taken bits and pieces from canon and fanon and smushed into this little autism creature. But if we want our headcanons to work, they have to work cohesively.

We're starting from the beginning, folks.

This whole shitstorm started with the doll headcanon. The mighty titan that got us to where we are now. We tossed around a lot of ideas, but I'll sum it up.

It all began with that fateful anon ask...

Mutually, I think we've decided that the doll headcanon can be boiled down to a symptom of the Shadow Knight transformation. No matter what kind of SK you are, you show symptoms. It's worse in premature SKs, and SKs who are farther from or trying to rebel against Shad. Seeing as the symptoms are part of the Spirit Magicks used on SKs, it makes sense that their condition also depends on distance. The symptoms also depend on Shad's power. While he doesn't have his physical form, his control over the SKs is more widespread, but not as strong. Once he has a physical form, his power is condensed, yet multiplied. Those closest to Shad have no control over themselves, but those farther are as free as ever.

The general doll symptoms are...

an uncanny valley appearance

episodes of paralysis, whether in certain limbs or the whole body

physical marks, in the form of whatever doll the SK most resembles (Gene with porcelain cracks, Zenix with strings on his wrists)

jerking, seizure-y episodes (either mentally present or not)

symptoms get worse the longer they resist. if they resist for too long, they succumb to complete paralysis, even if they're still sentient. since this only happens to premature SKs, they will still die eventually.

the progression of the symptoms stops when the SK completes their transformation.

This is where we sort of floated into the next idea.

What happens when Shad dies?

Since we decided that Shad's control over the shadow knights is an immensely powerful form of Spirit Magicks, we have to know what happens when he's gone.

Many ideas were tossed around for this one. Mostly because some of us want to save our favorite characters, and others will succumb to the whump.

What we (for the most part) decided on was that full SKs pass on into the next life, rid of the burden that's plagued them for centuries. One last gift from Shad for answering the calling. And premature shadow knights are done for. They succumb to their symptoms entirely, imprisoned in a body that they can't move, with a mind going 100 miles an hour.

With Aphmau's determined nature, and the extremely powerful friends she's made on her journey, she'd find a way to get them back. Specifically, Laurance and Vylad. However, they're husks of their former selves. They're not shadow knights anymore, but they certainly aren't human. They have episodes akin to what they've experienced from the doll symptoms. Staring off into space, pure catatonia and dissociation. These episodes can last from seconds to days. And they have no recollection of what's happened in between.

Basically, they lost the parts that Shad took from them. Then, they were replaced with Shad's Spirit Magicks. And finally, it was all stripped away one last time, turning them into these subhuman husks.

This was all wrapped up neatly, with a bow on top to seal the deal. You can see where things connect and how the two ideas relate. There's a clear stream of thought.

And then, we get into Xavier.

Oh my, Xavier...

You guys have completely sold me on Xavier being the first shadow knight. Like, this is canon, no one can say otherwise. I am putting my foot down.

However, we know he founded the Jury of Nine. But when did this happen? Before or after his transformation? And also, what type of SK is he? He couldn't be a full SK, because Irene would be the one he'd have to kill. Theoretically, Xavier gets killed and Shad resurrects him to experiment with minions and whatnot. So, he's probably the most rudimentary SK you could get. So, does the calling even exist yet? Because it doesn't have to.

This is the timeline I've come up with.

Xavier dies, either protecting Irene or fighting against her. Shad, who's already been banished to the nether, has a spiritual connection to Xavier. So he's able to resurrect him, even if he died in the overworld. Shad experiments with his Spirit Magicks, killing and resurrecting Xavier until he has the perfect monster.

But in this time, he gets so used to having Xavier around. And Xavier's so used to being in the nether, like there was nothing before it. Plus, with the constant resurrections, his mind is pretty scrambled.

Eventually, he gains a part of himself back. He remembers what's out there waiting for him. And he prays and prays to Irene to bring him back. And she answers.

He lives in the overworld for a while, already having the immortality of a full SK. His friends pass on, Irene hides away in her dimension. And Xavier finds purpose in the Jury of Nine. But he'll always be a failed shadow knight. At some point, something does him in and the world goes on without him.

We've also agreed that Laurance is Xavier's descendant. And sometimes, their memories bleed together. During Laurance's imprisonment in the nether, he has flashes of Xavier's long talks with Shad. Or fighting with Aphmau, he remembers arguments that they've never had, but Xavier sure did.

And this. This is the turning point.

This is where we get into the blue flames. And the rebellion.

Xavier was the first to rebel. I mean, there really was nothing holding him back. His blue flames come from his spirit, because he's still holding on to what's left. He uses his spirit to push through, and create the Jury of Nine, and help those in need. And also, give Shad a big fuck you.

Then, after Xavier's big show of rebellion, Shad invokes the calling. He inflicts every shadow knight with this, to give them incentive to stay. Because he gave them too much autonomy.

The blue flames become even more noble after this. Because it's a display of spirit, and strong will. And as time goes on... a display of anger.

As a shadow knight; to have control, you need to supress your emotions. Almost completely. This is what Vylad has been able to do. But in the process, he's bottled it all up. Then, the blue flames started to show.

Blue-flamed soldiers run hot, even hotter than regular shadow knights. When their rage is almost bubbling over, they would probably burn you if you touched them. We see Vylad and Laurance on the beach a lot, near the water. If they jump in to cool down, the water would start to boil.

Over time, the blue flames have become a symbol of rebellion. Something that shows you've overcome Shad's control. And then, the actual rebellion forms. With Laurance and Zenix leading the charge. Zenix, already branded with the blue flame, calls the rebellion Api Biru (blue lava). Informally, they're known as The Blue Flame.

Now, how do all of these things connect?

Shad's life energy.

Every shadow knight is endowed with part of Shad. It's the only way he knows how to gain control of the SKs. And all of our headcanons depend on how much control Shad has over someone.

The doll symptoms are worse when Shad has less control.

He'll let you pass on into the next life if you were loyal to him.

He didn't have enough control over Xavier, so he created the calling.

The blue flames being a symbol of rebellion against Shad's control.

IT'S. ALL. FUCKING. CONNECTED.

[laurancezvahlslefteyebrow]

Good Morning council it’s been a while

@xerith-42 @gonedreaminggg @cinnamontoastcroonch

I wanted to talk more specifically about what happens to certain SK characters after Shad’s eventual death, as well as the difference between premature and full shadow knights. i never really got around to this so i figured now is as good a time as any.

Ok first and foremost, full SKs:

I know some of you had liked the idea of full SKs dropping dead once and for all after Shad’s death, and at first I did too. But then I got to thinking. Technically speaking, they’d already earned their immortality. Yes the rest of their SK abilities were lost, but I like to think they remain immortal, a final gift of sorts from Shad due to their loyalty. Only issues? Well first off, they’re immortal, not invisible. They can still die, they just don’t age. Second, unlike PMSKs, they don’t have half a soul. They have no soul. They’re essentially walking husks of their former selves. They’re basically zombies, wandering the earth aimlessly, with one goal. Finishing their task. For most, like Gene, their task is fulfilling Shad’s wishes. Ie, killing Aphmau and her gang. So, if you were to approach them they’d be extremely aggressive, even if you had nothing to do with Aphmau. These guys would eventually need to be rounded up, they’re too dangerous to be left alone.

As for the few full SKs that weren’t loyal to Shad, (Vincent, Zenix, and Sasha) they’d also be husks, but they’d be non violent (Zenix… for the most part). I’m sure the Phoenix Alliance would probably try to find a cure for them, though I’m sure that’s unlikely.

Then we have the 2 PMSKs that actually died and were resurrected, Vylad and my oc Eseryt (i’m counting her bc she’s canon is my rewrite). Now the only reason they aren’t walking husks is because they never gained their immortality and thus still have the other half of their souls. Only thing is, half a soul has a tough time piloting a body alone. And so, they remain motionless and cold. Not dead, but comatose. Though they’re minds are very aware, moving a million miles a minute, panicking probably. They can very faintly hear and feel the things around them, but it’s muffled and far away. Eventually Eseryt is awoken by being given Kul’Zak’s relic (i’m sorry it’s not vylad 😬), the reason this works is because A) Eseryt is Kul’Zak’s incarnation and B) that relic contained a fragment of Zak’s soul, which was then bestowed upon Es. She’s awake, but less of herself, though not much less of a person, she now has more soul than most SKs.

Now Vylad is different. In order to wake him they needed to travel to the Yggdrasil Forest and convince the elder and council to left them have a sapling. This was very hard to do. The only real reason they eventually gave in was because these people had just vanquished the one thing that was a threat to all of them. Anyway, a ritual is preformed and Vylad awakens, also less of himself. He goes on to live a semi normal life, but one night while in a bout of sleeplessness, he unknowingly admits to Garroth that he wishes they wouldn’t have wasted the sapling on him and that he wished they would’ve just killed him. This absolutely shatters Garroth.

And on that cheery note! Laurance!

Now Laury is different. Not only was he premature, but he also never actually died. He was just transformed. Meaning, his body never needed to be resurrected. In the beginning he falls unconscious just like the others, but eventually he wakes up on his own. Though it is a slow process, taking weeks maybe even months for him to get back on his feet. When he first wakes he doesn’t know what’s happening. He’s feverish and scared and barely conscious. Eventually the fever leaves him and he’s left feeling like less of himself. More numb than usual. And he has to come to terms with the fact that he can hardly see or walk, that he’ll never guard again, and that his closest friends the past couple of years are both on their deathbeds and no one knows how to save them (he wakes up quite a bit before vylad and es). His only solis is that he’s finally with Aph and Garroth again, and he can finally meet his daughter.

I’m sorry that was a lot but I had to finally get it all out

thoughts? prayers perhaps?

[xerith-42]

Thanks so much answering my last post! I have few more questions:

Is your rewrite published yet? If so what is it called and where could I read it?

Also- your descriptions of Irene and Shad/Araphel are awesome and I would love to hear more of them (of all the divine really). Was Irene the lover of Shad? How did she rise to power, and what was she like before she fought him (also how exactly did the fight start? You said he got into a rage due to obsessing over something he couldn't have (Irene's whole undivided attention/love, but does that mean he grew to be violent towards her and the other warriors? Did he fall into jealous fits upon seeing her interact with its members?)

Lastly- Was Edmund and Enki in love with Irene in your rewrite, or have you changed it to more familial love and duty? Similarly, is Xavier in your rewrite? If so, what part does he play in the story, and was he also in love with Irene?

Question 1: No, neither of them are. If you want to read some of my writings you can check out my AO3, but most of my writing on there is a different variety of gay block men, and I only have the MID works and reuploads of my Garrance week stuff as something in the Aphamu fanbase.

Question 2/3: Absolutely. Araphel and Irene had a very toxic romance with one another, one that could have looked good to an outsider, but was clearly awful from the perspective of everyone watching. Not from the start, they were once very loving and kind people towards one another, largely because they met before the relics came into play in their lives. It was once the relics showed up and started gving them responsibilities outside of each other that Irene became distant, and Araphel became jealous.

Before things fell apart, I could absolutely see the two of them happily lying in one another's arms in a river that once ran through the cursed forest. They could be caught gallivanting off onto another romantic vacation, going off to see if they could find more relic holders once they got theirs. Irene used to be a woman full of life, wonder, and ideals. Someone who sought out others to bring humans together. It was only when she saw how jealous Araphel became that she realized the folly of man, how susceptible they are to their vices.

It was a slow building sort of jealousy too. At first it was just wanting to be around her all the time, then it was getting angry when she was gone for too long, questioning her on who she was with and what they were doing. Then it became basically stalking, where Araphel didn't trust Irene on her own and made sure she wasn't seeing anyone else when she disappeared for so long. If she showed even the slightest interest towards Esmund or literally anybody else, Araphel would threaten them. Irene obviously became fed up with this behavior, but when you're both humans turned into demi-gods, your lovers spat becomes less of a petty argument, and into the kind of thing that can cause an all out war and ripping open dimensions with the help of giant intelligent flying lizards.

Wait who the fuck is Xavier and why is everyone mentioning him? [one wiki check later] Oh! Huh, well I hadn't thought about him in a minute. I don't believe Xavier was a relic holder, for one. I think he was Irene's childhood best friend who harbored feelings of love towards her that he never expressed out of fear of rejection, and eventually gave up on once Araphel came into the picture and he realized that Irene wanted something else. He still loves Irene and held no resentment towards her, only wishing for her to be able to return to the bright eyed optimistic girl he fell in love with while playing in their old village.

As for Enki and Esmund, Esmund is still very in love with Irene in my rewrites. There's even a scene in the Epic I wrote that has the person who inherited Kul'zak's relic making fun of Garroth for the fact that Esmund, Araphel, and Irene couldn't figure out the obvious solution they already figured out to this conundrum. The solution is polyamory. I really don't like Enki having a crush on Irene, I think it's just not a good choice for his character because it essentially makes the Divine Warriors just a bunch of guys fighting over one girl while Kul'zak and Menphina watch from the sidelines eating popcorn.

Which is basically the dynamic in my rewrite, but Enki is also on the sidelines with them and sometimes has violent make out sessions with Kul'azk while Menphina just rolls her eyes and starts simping over her favorite toxic couple.

[jouska-the-deer]

Deep Purple

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Content Warnings: Mild Swearing, Heavy Angst, Discussions of Death, Mentioned Character Death, Bittersweet Ending

Word Count: 4162

Summary: After a battle with Eggman, Sonic takes a moment to stretch while Shadow heads home to prepare a relaxing night for him. However, Sonic is left confused when he seemingly comes back, acting differently than he had just minutes before.

Here's the link to Deep Purple on Ao3, otherwise, continue reading below the cut.

As the faint glow of the sun dipped below the horizon, two hedgehogs were headed toward the cool sheen of the moon reflected over a grassy field.

“Hey Shads? You mind if we stop for a sec?”

Slowing to a rest on the top of a hill alongside Sonic, Shadow promptly looked him over.

“Is something wrong?” 

“Nah,” Sonic grunted as he pushed his chest out and elbows back. “Just thought we could take a moment to appreciate the scenery before heading in for the night.”

The various stretches he performed while absolutely not paying attention to the scenery had Shadow raising a brow. 

“You’re sore.” 

“Well, that tends to happen when you spend an evening fighting an evil scientist piloting a giant robot scorpion.” Reaching for his toes, he added below his breath, “It doesn’t help that time’s starting to have an effect on my joints.” 

Shadow crossed his arms and bowed his head. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t get all like that. You’re making it sound like I’ve only got a few years left in me.” Sonic reached above his head, stretching his shoulders. “Besides, it ain’t like you’re the one making the clock tick by, so maybe just focus on helping me loosen up, alright?”

With a nod, Shadow's gaze wandered through an ocean of grassy waves, while his mind wandered in the direction of home. Then, making everything screech to a halt, his nose caught a faint whiff of motor oil, reminding him that his fur suffered from when he attacked a poorly chosen point on Eggman’s recent creation. 

He hummed, a smooth grin on his face as he slid over and threaded his fingers through Sonic’s quills and massaged his thumbs into his upper back. Sonic let out a blissful sigh as Shadow leaned in close to his ear.

“How about while you finish stretching, I run home and wash out the mess in my fur. Once I’m done, I’ll light some candles, play some music, and we can share a long, warm bath as soon as you get home. Sound good?” 

“Sounds awesome,” Sonic said, turning his head toward Shadow’s. “Love you, Shads.” Pushing forward, he pressed his lips to Shadow’s. 

Closing his eyes, Shadow let himself melt into the kiss.

“Love you too, Sonic,” he said, taking a step back. 

“Oh! This’ll also give you a chance to use one of those bath bombs that’s been sitting around for ages.”

“The lavender ones from Amy? They’re caked in glitter.” 

“So?” 

“We’re going to Ember’s baby shower tomorrow. Don’t you think Amy would be annoyed to see that we took until now to use a gift she gave us before her expecting daughter even learned to drive?”

“I think she’d love that, actually. It’ll give her a great story to tell the kid after they’re born.”

“You can’t be serious.” 

“Of course I’m serious! Come on! Let’s be adventurous tonight!” 

Shadow snorted, hiding a smirk behind his fist. 

“I’ll consider it.”

“Just watch; I’m gonna turn that ‘maybe’ into a ‘yes absolutely.’ You’ll see.” 

“I’d like to see you try, but later.” 

“Don’t think you’re gonna sneak your way out of it.” 

Rolling his eyes lightheartedly, Shadow turned away. “See you soon.” 

Sonic waved him off as he skated into the distance. 

“Later Shads!” 

The stretching continued for a short while until the warm glow of sunset cooled into a darker hue and the stars dotted the night sky. Once Sonic let out a sigh of finality and stood up straight, he let himself take a moment to gaze at the constellations. A soft smile adorned his face as he closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh air. Then, he turned to head home. 

But didn’t take a step further. 

Quirking his head, he squinted at the dark figure in the tall grass just down the hill. A dark figure with red streaks running down his black quills and fur, and moonlight glinting off his visible inhibitor rings. His expression was hard to read from the distance, but the way he was standing still as a statue was hinting at something, whatever that was. 

“Uh, hey again? I thought you went home.” 

“I…” He crept forward, each step taken as though his shoes were made of lead. “I just… wanted to… see you…” 

The closer he got, the more Sonic could see. 

The way his ears twitched with every step, as though forced to remain forward. The way his eyes were just a bit too wide and his lips just a bit too flat. The way that the moonlight shined through his soft fur, casting his silhouette in a blue halo. 

Sonic shifted his weight to one side, putting on a smirk. “Surely you didn’t miss me that quick.” 

The next breath he took was jagged, and his eyes still hadn’t held onto Sonic’s for longer than a short peek. 

“What if… I did…?” 

Taking in a long, silent breath through his nose, Sonic experienced nothing but the pure, fresh scent of grass. His ears twitched in a similar manner to those of the hedgehog in front of him. 

“Well… it’s nice out tonight. Why don’t ya take a seat?” Sonic gestured down at the grass. “We can take a sec to look at the stars together.” 

Slowly, he lowered himself to the ground, his gaze level with the moonlit horizon as he brought up his knees and crossed his arms over them. 

Though he sat down as well, Sonic’s eyes never left the person beside him… and it appeared he didn’t notice. 

“Something up?” Sonic said, head turned toward the moon but eyes still locked onto him. 

“Just… thinking…” 

“About?” 

“…Nothing important.” 

“If you’re thinking about it then it’s probably important.” 

He closed his eyes, taking in a long breath and letting it out very evenly. 

“It’s not.”

Sonic sat in silence for a moment, tapping his fingers against his knee.

“So if it's not important, are you just thinking about some cool fights we’ve had against Eggman? Like… remember his weird butterfly mech?”

“Yes.” He blinked, shifting his weight slightly. “It wasn’t very intimidating… or hard to take down. It only took… a few chaos spears to destroy the left wing.” 

“Yeah. It almost seemed more like an art project than a battle bot.” 

“The rain of glass from the shattered wing hurt worse than the energy beams it fired.” 

“It must’ve been an off week for ol’ Egghead. Maybe he was so focused on making another cool bug-bot he accidentally picked the lamest one to take inspiration from.” 

Though he let out a faint amused sniff, Shadow’s posture and gaze were still locked in place. 

Relaxing slightly, Sonic let his eyes wander to where the sun, and their recent battle, were just a few hours earlier. “The scorpion was definitely a bit cooler, and a bit harder to take down.” He paused, brow furrowed slightly as he looked at Shadow. “It would’ve been a nightmare to take out without your help.” 

“You handled worse,” he said flatly. “I spent most of that battle fighting badniks.” 

“Yeah,” Sonic said, softened gaze unnoticed by Shadow. “You did do some damage to it though.” 

“All I did was get drenched after hitting the oil tank. I had to take the longest shower of my life afterward.” 

Sonic lowered his head, expression falling but voice keeping its regular energy. 

“Yeah, but it’s not like you were gonna show up to Ember’s baby shower smelling like robot gore.”

“Of course not. Amy… wouldn’t have appreciated that.”

“And it would’ve made for a terrible story to tell…” Sonic paused, doing his best to hide his wince. “Ah shoot… What was the kid’s name again?” 

“Chrystal.” 

“Right.” Sonic let out a soft sigh, ears drooping. “Right…” 

Shadow continued to stare off into the distance, his mind seemingly just as far away. 

Meanwhile, Sonic’s gaze rested on him, though his mind was far in the distance as well. 

But not the distance that Shadow was staring across. 

Sonic took a deep breath. “Shadow… why’d you come to see me?” 

Suddenly, his breathing was a bit heavier. 

“I… just wanted to. Like I said.” 

“Shadow…” 

Their eyes met for only a second before Shadow tore his gaze away and put his hands flat to the ground. 

“I should go.” 

“Stay.” Sonic placed his hand on his shoulder, feeling a strong tremble beneath his fingers. “For me,” he added. 

Shadow swallowed thickly, and then crossed his arms over his knees again, resting his chin on top after. “Alright.”

“At least ten more minutes?” 

“Okay…” 

“Promise?” 

Closing his eyes, Shadow let out a shaky sigh. “Promise…” 

“Thanks.” Sonic smiled sadly. “After all, you just started taking the longest shower of your life, so surely we have a bit more time to talk before you’re done.” 

“Wh-” Shadow flinched with a gasp, then a second later, pounded the dirt with his fist. “Dammit! How could I just- Argh!” 

He started to stand, but Sonic once again placed a hand on his shoulder, this time, pushing him down. 

“Stay. You promised.” 

“What does it matter?” Shadow hissed, easily forcing himself up. “I’m not supposed to be here anyway.” 

“Because you came here for a reason,” Sonic said, rising to his level. “So tell me.” 

“I already have.” 

“I know it’s deeper than that, Shadow. Don’t waste the trip you took avoiding what you came for.” 

Letting out a long sigh, Shadow slowly sat back down. 

Sonic followed, looking at him intently. 

“So…?”

“It…” Shadow squeezed his eyes shut and rested his forehead against his crossed arms. 

Silence followed. 

“You felt alone,” Sonic guessed aloud. “And for some reason, you came to me.” 

“Tch. ‘Some reason.’ As if seeking comfort from you is a strange idea to have.” 

“That’s not what I meant, Shadow.” Sonic could see Shadow’s ears go back before he even said the next part. “You came to me, not your time’s me. That means you either thought you couldn’t go to future me… or I’m not around in whatever time you’re from.” 

The shudder that rattled Shadow’s quills confirmed which one it was. 

“And apparently…” Sonic continued, “you decided to go back in time to see me… instead of staying in your time and talking to your friends.” 

“I don’t have any friends,” Shadow growled, voice fracturing as he continued to speak. “Not… Not anymore… They’re all…”

Sonic closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. 

“You just lost someone, didn’t you?” 

Eventually, Shadow nodded. 

“Who was it?” 

Nothing but silence followed. 

“Come on. You know you can talk to me; That’s what you came here for, right?” 

“I came here for comfort!” he snapped, teeth bared at Sonic. “Not to be lectured on how I should grieve the people I cared about!” Quickly Shadow tore his eyes away again. “That’s the only reason I went back to this version of you, instead of a version that… could understand…” 

“Well, that was a lost cause.” Smiling somberly, Sonic looked into the stars shining through the fading streaks of maroon clouds. “If you wanted a version of me that never gave a final goodbye, you would’ve had to go back to before I lost you.” 

Shadow whipped his head toward Sonic, but by the time Sonic turned to meet his gaze, his head was already buried in his arms again. 

“It’s not the same,” he muttered. “You barely knew me back then. I barely knew myself back then. You had no reason to care about me.” 

“And yet I did anyway.” 

“Then you were an idiot,” he huffed. “And I eventually came back, so any grief you felt was for nothing. But Silver-” The second his name left Shadow’s mouth, he let out a ferocious scream and pounded the dirt as he did before. 

Sonic didn’t flinch, just continued to watch as Shadow groaned and yanked his quills. 

“Are you enjoying this?!” Shadow snarled, staring daggers at Sonic. “Letting me spill my guts while you sit there and watch?! Is that why you trapped me here?!”

“We both know you’re not trapped.” 

“Then why haven’t I left?!”

“Comfort.” 

Shying away, Shadow didn’t say anything back. 

“That’s what you said. Silver died, you wanted to see me, and now you’re here for comfort.” 

Silence. 

“But clearly, you’re having some… issues… actually asking for it.”

Sonic waited, watching Shadow’s back rise and fall with stiff breaths. 

“I shouldn’t be here,” Shadow finally spoke, his voice low and hollow. “I had my time with you. I said goodbye to you. I lived, for centuries, without you.” He let out a long sigh. “But I’m here anyway. I selfishly used the power of time travel because I felt alone. Alone and…”

Sonic tilted his head. 

“And…?” 

“And… afraid…” 

“Of…?” 

“Losing you… again…” 

As Shadow’s breathing became more uneven, Sonic frowned. 

“I… don’t know what you mean.” 

Sparing him only a short glance, Shadow swallowed thickly and curled in on himself tighter. 

“Silver… was the last person who knew everyone that I cared about. The last person who could really understand me whenever I talked about my friends… and you. And now, all that’s left are pictures and history books and… my memories,” he took in a jagged breath, “but who knows… how long those will last…” 

A wet sniff filled the air. 

Sonic gently placed his hand on Shadow’s arm. 

“Don’t touch me!” he snapped, batting Sonic’s hand away. “I’m not your boyfriend! You don’t know me! You shouldn’t care about me!” 

“That never stopped me before.” 

“It should.” 

“And why’s that?” 

“Because this is wrong. What I did was wrong. I shouldn’t be rewarded for it.” 

“Well, how ‘wrong’ something is depends on who's judging, and I’m not.” 

“It’s common sense: Don’t use time travel for selfish reasons.” 

“Running to someone for help isn’t selfish.”

Slowly, Shadow turned to him, being met with soft eyes. 

“I’m… just a stranger to you.” 

“It’s pretty well known that helping strangers is a hobby of mine.” 

“But…” 

“Shadow… it’s just us here. Nobody to judge you. No rules to follow. Whatever you need… I want to give it to you.” 

Sonic opened his arms.

And Shadow fell into them. 

Not even a second passed between Sonic wrapping his arms around him and Shadow letting out a deep sob. He shook with tears, but kept his arms to his sides. Sonic continued to hold him close regardless. 

A few sharp breaths caught Sonic’s attention.

“Surely you don’t do this for complete strangers,” Shadow said. 

“Not often,” Sonic admitted. “But as much as you keep calling yourself a stranger… you still seem pretty much the same as my Shadow.”

“It’s been too many years. I must have changed so much that I’m a completely different person to you.” 

“Or maybe I’m a completely different person to you, and you’re just assuming that I must feel the same way.” 

Shadow’s eyes went wide, and he pulled back enough to face Sonic.

“H-How did…?” 

“I saw the way you were acting when you first got here. The guy I’m dating doesn’t look at me like I’m… well… the ghost of someone he knew a long time ago.” 

“Oh…” His head sank. “It… was surreal… seeing you again after so long… Once you were right in front of me I… couldn’t imagine asking anything of you like I had hoped.”

“And what about now? It still feels like you’re not really letting yourself relax.”

Shadow sighed. “I don’t think that… I can explain it well, but… this all feels… uncomfortably familiar. And… I can’t tell if I’m just recalling what it felt like when I was with you… or if you’re just easy to be around.” Slowly, he brought his gaze to meet Sonic’s. “All I know is that… I don’t want to get too comfortable… otherwise I… won’t want to leave.”

Smiling softly, Sonic placed his hands on Shadow’s arms. “Yeah, well, you can’t let the pain of a future goodbye stop you from being happy right now.” 

“It’s not that simple…” 

“It is that simple… even if it’s also kinda hard.” 

Shadow winced. 

“But I’ve… already lost so much…” 

“I know. But, losing the people… and memories… you care about just… happens. And sometimes, there’s nothing you can do about it.” Sonic reached for Shadow’s cheek and brushed away a tear. “That’s why you fill your life with new people and memories that make the hard times easier to get through.”

Shadow shot to his feet, his burning eyes staring Sonic down. “I can’t just replace you! Or my friends! How could you even suggest that!?” 

“New friends aren’t a replacement for the ones you’ve lost,” Sonic pushed himself up to Shadow’s level, “…but they can give you the things that we can’t anymore.”

Fresh tears fell down Shadow’s cheeks. His voice came out as a hoarse whisper.  

“I can’t imagine anyone giving me what you have.”

Brushing away his new tears, Sonic gazed at him with warm eyes. 

“Then keep looking until you find someone who can surprise you. But, that’s for after we say goodbye.” Sonic placed his hands on Shadow’s arms and caressed them. “Right now, you have a chance for something most other people can only dream of. Maybe you shouldn’t have needed to come here in the first place, but that doesn’t matter. Whatever you want, you can have it. I want you to have it.”

Shadow’s eyes darted around and his arms stayed at his sides. 

“Stop worrying so much. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve to relax.” 

Despite the welcoming invitation, Shadow didn’t take it.  

“Please, Shads,” Sonic said. “Just enjoy this moment with me.” 

Finally, his gaze came to a rest on Sonic, and in the deep purple night, Shadow could see the sea of stars reflected in his eyes. 

Their lips crashed together. 

For a brief moment, Sonic froze. But, with Shadow’s hands threading through his quills, he soon melted into the kiss. 

Shadow tilted his head to a better angle. Sonic’s hands left Shadow’s arms and glided to his waist and neck, drawing him closer. They were pressed chest to chest; Any cool breeze of the night unable to pull their attention away. 

When their lips finally parted, Shadow breathed a sigh and rested his forehead against Sonic’s.

“I haven’t been able to do that for so long.” 

“You could’ve fooled me.” Sonic hummed, nuzzling his nose against Shadow’s. “You’re still a total natural at it, and you definitely weren’t treating me like a stranger.” 

“I… don’t know what came over me.” 

“You finally let your heart take over, which is what I’ve been asking you to do this whole time.” 

Shadow sniffed in good humor. “I guess you’re right.” Then, he went in for a warm embrace. 

Holding him close, Sonic ran his fingers through Shadow’s quills, soon being rewarded with soft purrs. Before he knew it, the gesture was being returned, and Sonic found himself purring alongside Shadow. 

Time no longer mattered as they held each other in the moonlit field. Alone together with nothing but the waving of grass and the soft purring in their chests, nothing could interrupt them. 

Except Shadow’s voice coming in through Sonic’s communicator. 

“Sonic? Where are you?”

Sonic and Shadow slowly pulled apart, giving each other shy smiles. 

“I swear I took the longest shower of my life and you’re still not here? What’s taking you so long?” 

Raising his communicator, Sonic held down a button and spoke. “Sorry Shads, I got a little distracted helping someone right when I meant to head home.” He winked at Shadow, who was silently listening to the call next to him.

“Are you done? I don’t want to fill the tub only for you to get here when the water’s cold.”

Sonic looked at Shadow, who pursed his lips, but gave a slow nod. 

“Yeah, I’ve just gotta say goodbye first. You can get everything set up now, and I’ll probably be there in time.”

“Alright.”

“And make sure to grab that bath bomb while you’re at it.” 

Shadow furrowed his brow, his eyes searching across nothing. Sonic tilted his head at him

“Seriously? You’re still on that? Do you want us to look ridiculous tomorrow?” 

Sonic was too busy speaking into the communicator to notice the flash of recognition across Shadow’s face. 

“Well, I don’t think we’re gonna look ridiculous.” He grinned slyly. “I think, in the candlelight, all that glitter is going to make your gorgeous black fur sparkle like galaxies in the night sky. Don’t you wanna see if I’m right?” 

“U-Uh… I…” 

Sonic glanced at Shadow, and saw how the parts of his muzzle that he wasn’t hiding behind his hand were absolutely flushed red. 

“Well… uh… fine. Okay. I’ll add the bath bomb when you get home.” 

“Thank you~” 

“Whatever. If Amy gets mad I’m blaming you.” 

“Got it. Love you Shads.” 

“I love you too, but get here soon.” 

“No problem. See you then.” 

Sonic lowered his communicator and looked at Shadow, whose face was still very flushed. 

“Something up?” 

“The bath…” Shadow looked away and rubbed his arm. “It happened after the shower I took.” 

“Okay?” 

“I… must have forgotten the conversation you just had with me.” He looked at Sonic. “And, you never mentioned talking to me. Or… kissing me.” 

“Yeah, well, none of that really mattered at the moment. Plus… I figured you’d forgive me eventually.” He grinned knowingly. 

Shadow sighed, rolling his eyes but smiling nonetheless. 

“Besides,” Sonic continued, “it seems like you remembered the bath we shared, which is more important than a quick conversation.” 

Any blush that had left Shadow’s face immediately returned. 

“It… was very memorable.” 

“Nice. But no spoilers.” 

“You made me spoil the name of Amy’s granddaughter.” 

“That’s just a name. An experience is way better as a surprise.” 

“You’re right…” Shadow’s mouth stayed open, his eyes flicking between Sonic and the ground. 

“Is there something you’ve gotta say?” 

“Well…” Shadow looked into his eyes. “It’s just… you… also looked gorgeous. The way you looked at me in the bath… is how I felt about you the whole time. I… think I could’ve shown you how I felt more often…”

“Aw, don’t worry about it,” Sonic smirked. “You’ve never been as great at hiding your feelings as you thought.”

Shadow smiled, then looked off into the night sky. “And I think… before I kissed you earlier… some part of me remembered how you looked, even without me thinking about it…” 

Sonic placed a hand on his shoulder. “That’s the thing… Sometimes, your heart holds onto memories for longer than your head does. Even if you forget the specifics, you can still hold onto how you felt.” 

“That’s… a good way to put it.” He sighed, then brought his gaze to Sonic. “I… suppose I should leave soon.” 

“Yeah.”

Swallowing thickly, Shadow just stood still. His voice came out quiet and hoarse. “I… don’t know what to do when I get back…” 

Sonic stepped closer, rubbing Shadow’s arms. 

“Well, I’m guessing Silver had some friends when he passed, right?” 

Shadow nodded.

“Try talking to them. I’m sure they can understand how you feel, at least a little. And, maybe they can help give you the confidence to make some friends of your own.” 

“I… can’t…” Shadow took in a ragged breath. “More friends just means more people I’ll have to say goodbye to.” He bowed his head. “And I already have to say goodbye to you, again.”

“That’s true,” Sonic placed his fingers on Shadow’s chin and gently lifted his head, “but would you trade all the time you had with me, with all your friends, just to avoid the pain of saying goodbye?” 

Shadow winced, tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“No.” He sniffed. “They… you… were the reason for… everything. I… can’t imagine… that I would have wanted a life without… the people I cared about…” 

Sonic pulled him into a hug. 

“Then find new people to care about. Find friends you can go to when you feel like this again.” He gave him a firm squeeze. “Find people that remind you of the memories in your heart.” 

Shadow squeezed him back. “I will.” Then, he leaned back to look into Sonic’s eyes. “I promise.” 

Sonic wiped away his tears, then Shadow stepped back, pulling out two Chaos Emeralds. 

“Chaos, control.” 

The portal to Shadow’s time opened, but he kept his eyes on Sonic, looking at him over the backdrop of the night sky. 

“It’s okay,” Sonic said. “Your friends are waiting for you.” 

Nodding shakily, Shadow took a deep breath. 

“Goodbye… Sonic.” 

“Goodbye, Shads.” 

Shadow turned toward the portal, hesitating for only a moment. Then, he jumped in. 

“I hope you never have to see me again.” 

Smiling, Sonic ran through where the rift in time had just closed, heading home to give his boyfriend a night he wouldn’t soon forget.

[kurithedweeb]

As it turns out I have a LOT more to say about veils! So now I will inflict these discord rambles I did for @irenes-journal on y'all too.

OKAY SO veils are very commonly seen in worshippers of Irene and the Church of the Matron. The standard devotee veils their eyes to protect them from her divine radiance when looking up to her in worship, which is said to allow her to hear your prayer above that of others because she can get closer to you thanks to how you don't have to shy away from her. These are the most common and the only ones that can be taken off outside worship but some people like those employed by the church or living in church housing don't take theirs off. Members of the church such as priests and nuns cover the lower half of their faces because in the eyes of the public, their word mingles with the goddess's, they are the messengers of her word and middlemen between her and the masses and are never ever to be seen in public without one - they show a seamless united front and it's very scandalous in the church for someone to be stripped of their veil. The High Priest himself is to cover his entire face, for anyone outside his immediate family and lover to see his face is equal to seeing the face of Irene herself, he is her vassal and it's said that should she come down to the mortal realm he might even be her vessel, he has different veils and masks for different ceremonies and tones he wants to convey because you can't read his expression the way you're still able to with other kinds of worshipping veils. Zane is so lucky that he can't show his face because he can so sweetly talk circles around absolutely everyone but there's always something a little too sharp about his smile.

Followers of the Destroyer (illegal divinity :( so they're mostly considered cults) also sometimes use veils that very closely resemble the ones the Church of the Matron use except the eyes are always covered. Whenever we see Shad when was human, there's always a sort of shadow over his eyes, right? Their veils are meant to resemble that, and since it's very similar to worshippers of Irene it also helps them hide in plain sight in cities. They have to be very careful with their ornamentation already, but it's also just a little bit to twist something of their lord's enemy's worshippers into something of their own. Ask me about ornamentation in the Divine Faith sometime.

Veils do sometimes come up in the other Divine Warriors' divisions of the Faith because they're seen as a group under the leadership of Irene. Like, if you're a follower of Esmund or Xavier you might not wear a veil over your face but have a veil that goes over your hands and weapon during certain ceremonies or holiday-specific worshippings. Graduations at the guard academy usually involve the headmaster veiling the graduate's arms while they kneel with their sword to swear their oaths, after which the veil is wrapped around their shoulders or clipped to their pauldrons like a cape. You can tell when someone graduated from their oath veil.

Veils were a thing in Irene's time but they weren't popular until the rise of the Divine Warriors; Irene herself only got married after their ascension to what's basically sainthood and she wore a veil when she and Shad were married so it really got popular after that and eventually became standard practice in Ru'aun to be married with a veil. The tradition of both spouses eventually dies out and sheer veils become fashionable about the time of MyS but really devoted followers of Irene or Shad will still follow the old MCD traditions.

Wedding veils have a ton of variety, they are made special for the wedding day by either the elders of the family or a specialized tailor/seamstress. You can have layered ones, colored ones, shiny, silken, whatever you want, it's your day! The only real rules about the wedding veil are that people should not be able to see your face through it, you need to be able to get your arms out so sometimes the veil is sectioned/has slits cut for the arms, and there is usually a dictated length based on how religious your settlement is. Both people being married wear veils, not just the bride, and different lengths are chosen depending on gender: a man's wedding veil will usually fall in the range of his shoulders to his elbows, a lady's will usually fall in the range of the knees to the ankles, and if you're neither then between the elbows and knees is usually a happy medium. Both parties are veiled because the first person who should see your face when you're married is your spouse. After you're pronounced married, you and your spouse lift each other's veils and that's when you kiss.

Since you don't pass on your veil and you likely aren't getting rid of it, it's usually repurposed into something for the family. Maybe you'll stitch it into a blanket or something to keep it as a record of your personal history. Very commonly, your child's first swaddling will be made from your wedding veils!

[attourney-at-lycan]

@oopbackinmymcdphase helur is me

SHADOW KNIGHT GARROTH OMG I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS SORRY FOR THR LONG ASK I BURDEN YEE WITH BRAINROT

So I can see Lord Malik being like this moral figure Garroth clung onto after he left Okh'assis, so once he gets killed off the guards start using less than savory tactics to keep the village alive. And that's around the time Zenix starts as an official guard and since he's a shadow knight he's THRIVING. But the village folk and other lords are suspicious (stealing Okh'assian guards uniforms and dragging bodys in the back alleys is probably not chill with the Irene girlies either) so they've always got that thick air of suspense when they're with the people they're trying to protect. So less than unpopular . And Garroth wants to be good he really does , but he also doesn't want his son to starve while they pray at an altar that's doesn't seem to be doing anything.

Then Aph shows up so they have to start doing the dirty dealings away from her prying eyes but her influence is affecting them. A Lot less bloody interrogations. The village isn't just surviving it's growing it's great :D

Then all the usual bs starts up like Brendan getting shot , garroth getting shot ect. Garroth is working 24/7 with a major injury but fear mongering is running rampant so nobody trusts the traitors teacher.

Then shadow knight garroth idk how but it happens. He's joined a small group of shadow knights with Zenix and they truly embrace the violence and carnage. But there's also like this sense of bonding within it? Like they're just survivng but maybe they can thrive while they survive cuz that's just how Shad made them. And they've got this hive mind/pack dynamic it's just so familial in the chaos I love it. Very animalistic . Just bonding through surviving.

SMALLER THINGS BUT STILL

-VLAD?!?!?! What's going on there.

- WHAT IF APHMAU + GARROTH AND ZENIX REUNION? Is she bitter cuz they left did they miss her at all THE IRENE THING DOES IT FACTOR IN?

-Dadroth lives in my heart always so he is still a dad. A dad who will rip out a man's throat with his teeth but still. I want him to sew banners for the rebellion and train the younger sk's it be so cute.

-They're just walking through those weird nether jungles and every second it's just "are we there yet?" "I will turn this battalion around >:("

“garroth wants to be a good person” STOPPPPPPPPP GOD INFUCKING HATE THE ‘I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON BUT MY LOVE FOR SOMEONE IS ABOVE MY MORALS’ TROPE (loves it) IT HURTS SO MUCHHH

i love the fucking little headcanons too..

maybe smthn smthn vylad and garroth have falling outs as sk’s bc vylad tried so hard to help garroth and his village but while it worked out somewhat.. garroth still turned around and fucked shit up… 🧎

[addisonrottmnt]

Sonic prime

Shadow the hedgehog x fem hedgehog reader

First meet

Y/N was walking in green hills in then she something was falling down from the sky

Y/N: what the what is that

Sonic: Y/N look out !

Y/N: woo

Sonic: What was that

Y/N walks towards where crashed

And she see a black hedgehog

Y/N: black hedgehog

Sonic: hm well we should probably not wack it up also I should get back to my friends and you should come back to so meet you there

Sonic runs back to his friends you look at the black hedgehog and you thought maybe I should wack him up you walk towards him and he starts to wake up you help him up

Shadow: uh were am I

Y/N: um you’re at green hills

Shadow: Maria

Y/N : uh my name is Y/N

Shadow: Hu your not Maria

Y/N: who’s Maria

Shadow: if you even care about

Y/N : I do care about it

you saw the black hedgehog had tears in his Eyes

Y/N: are you okay

Shadow: why do you care about me

Y/N: because it hurts me to see you sad also looks like you need hug

Shadow: why are being so nice to me

Y/N: because I care about you even if I don’t know you or your name

Shadow: sigh my name shadow shadow the hedgehog and yes and you’re right I do need hug

You and shadow hug each other

Y/N: everything is going be okay

Shadow: thanks be nice to me

Y/N: no problem I should probably get back to my friends and sonic also the sun is almost setting so I guess I will seeing you around by Shadow nice seeing you

When you are back to your friends shadow was watching you run and he smiled because he has someone who cares about him five years later

Sonic: come on shadow can just leave me alone

Shadow: I don’t think so

Sonic: why are you always so angry all time

Shadow: it’s none of your business

They both did a spin dash and kept running around green hills and fighting each other until shadow ran to you and tails

Shadow: Y/N

Shadow stops and tails was protecting you

Tails : leave Y/N alone

Sonic: don’t you dare touch her shadow

Y/N : guys it’s okay I know him

Sonic and Tails: you know him

Y/N: yeah sonic do you remember on happen on the day when he crash here

Sonic: yeah wait you wack him up

Shadow: actually I wicked up on my own when I wack up I didn’t know I was at but I actually glad she was there because she new I needed comfort and she came me hug it made me so much better that’s when we became friends we been friends for five years

Sonic and Tails: what!

Sonic: wait you been friends with him ever since we first found him and you never told us

Y/N : yeah because didn’t know what your reaction will be if you know

Shadow: nice to see you again Y/N

Y/N: it’s nice to see you to

You and shadow hugged each other Sonic and Tails eyes were wide

Sonic: why are you guys friends he’s been fighting me for two years

Shadow: It’s not my fault

Sonic: yes is

Shadow: no it’s not

Tails: are guys ever going to get along

Sonic and shadow: No

Loud explosion came from behind you and one of Egg-mans robots got you in a cage shadow eyes widened and his Eyes had tears in his eyes he had know you for five years and he see you getting kidnapped right in front of him

Shadow: Y/N LET Her Go Egg-man

Egg-man: I don’t think so because you’re friend has something very important

Shadow: what is so important about her

Egg-man: because she has a connection to the prism

You were about to have a panic attack when Shadow sines you having panic attacks shadow all ways been there for you

Shadow: oh No she’s having panic attack

Sonic: that’s not good let her Egg-head

Tails: yeah let her go

You tried to calm down because you never got kidnapped before but you realize there’s was like a rainbow glow from you

Y/N: what is this why am I glowing

Egg-man : cannot believe

Y/N: what do you want Egg-man

Egg-man : HaHaHa

Shadow: Egg-man let her go NOW!

Y/N: Egg-man let me out of this cage now

Egg-man : haha l don’t think so

Then Egg-man flew away and with you to you reach your hand out of the cage and called out to shadow you see shadow had tears running down his face

Sonic: shadow are you

Shadow: Y/N

Shadow ran to were Egg-Man was heading

Tails: man shadow must really care about her

Sonic: yeah didn’t know she was that important to shadow

Shadow: hang on Y/N on my way

Be counted

[iensrobens]

A wrap-up for this blog for a hiatus

Just realised I posted 15 sets of drawings during the past 20 days. This is the craziest thing I ever did and such a relief of all my obsession with the game and Shadowheart since August. First time in my life creating fan content and picking up drawing again in 10 years was absolutely fun. (and of course learning to use these sns apps is also interesting, I know I sound like an ape first seeing human technology but I’m really ancient in this sense.)

I’m no artist and drawing isn’t even a hobby, just that I happen to have an iPad with Sketchbook installed.(and I only got to know how to rerank layers with it 2 pics ago so sorry for the quality for my first few drawings.) I just want to draw all the scenes I depicted in my head and very personal ideas towards the story as I tried writing and had to toss everything in trash can because I struggled making up comprehensive sentences.

I was quite anxious and felt so panicked that if my personal taste is weird and my drawings are bad (as you can tell, I don’t know how to do color) but I’m glad and surprised to see ppl like those. The numbers I’ve seen in my notification tab is far more large than the number of ppl I met in real life. (and it is very relieving to press on the blue dots.)

I really appreciate all your likes and comments and even followings-totally unprepared for this. I read every comments you made and those warms my heart and I jumped around the room when I see you got the references and hints I buried. (although I’m not sure what is the correct courtesy to reply your reposts and comments.)

I can’t recall if I ever obsessed with another character to the same extent like Shadowheart-the only one I actually started to do fan art by myself.

(As I mentioned I’m bad at writing so the next part may be very unorganised because my thoughts are flying in my mind.)

I played as her for my first playthrough. I had a quite traumatised experience for this-knew her background and past story, saved aylin but killed parents as I thought it is what THEY want, but I don’t know what HER wants; romance laezel as the dynamic was so intriguing and so good, saved her prince and let her fly away as I though she belongs to the sky and it was best for her-of course the one who becomes a squid is then Shadowheart-and I just straightaway stabbed myself at the dock. Everyone got their good ending except shad herself, and it was so grieving-all she wanted were actually all gone in that playthrough-family, lover and herself; past, present and no future. I just felt I did my girl so dirty.

Then with the customised character playthrough I actually get to know her more completely-with amazing voice acting, the interactions and all the hidden dialogues around the world-like the childhood memories dialogue which are a condition for letting her save her parents-I feel that is the preferable way as all the needed is done and she made her own decision. (But is the origin playthrough now added these narratives? I was thinking Allister Marley was Astarion’s real name.)And then the evil Durge route for her Shar path to see an alternative timeline, though I prefer the selunite route as the cycle has to end, we are better than this but that gives so many story telling ideas.

I tried to type something like character study but I can’t make it expressive enough even for myself to understand. I just hope then all I wanted to see and say is conveyed in the drawings. God knows I tried.

And thus I have exhausted all my ideas (and my annual leaves) for it. Now I have to remind myself to really focus on my real life work. Until next time my friends on Internet, perhaps I’ll pop up again when DLC or definitive edition drops.

[w0lp3rtinger]

Alternative Form

Day six of ShadAmy Week 2023! Big shout out to @shadowsfascination and @killingthecringe . They have been patient enough to beta for me, and to them, I am eternally grateful 💜 Especially as, once again, I was fucking around with writing styles for this one.

(It’s not... REALLY that much of a shadamy piece, but it’s there enough so XD )

Our favorite critter is not having a great time with alien hybrid puberty.

WARNING: Body Horror / Eyes / Medical Horror

ALSO! I AM BACK ON A03! If you would like to read the story there, please click this link!

---

It started with a headache. 

That was in the beginning. Right in the middle of Shadow’s forehead, just above his eyes, it would come and go for weeks before settling into a dull but constant ache. A few painkillers and it would vanish, but then, the very next day, he would swear it would feel worse. 

Rouge told him to take a nap. Omega suggested he ‘get a better meatbag.’ 

Amy worried, and he wished she wouldn’t.

“You can go to the doctor, you know,” she’d say with her brow furrowed and her hands on her hips. “It wouldn’t kill you.” 

He’d shaken his head, choosing to ignore the memory of white sterility as he instead focused on the way the sunlight caught her eyes. “It will pass. I am not concerned.” 

His sleep suffered, as did his work, as did his patience. Even his gardening fell victim. No matter how he tried, there was a tremble in his hands now. Not a lot, just a little, and always when he was trying to be the most delicate. After one too many a stem snapped in his hands, a pair of garden shears was the next thing he grabbed, and they stuck out of the brickwork of the next-door apartment complex for weeks. 

He could see them from his bedroom window, gathering bird shit and rust, and he’d growl at the pain.

Rouge laughed and said he was finally hitting puberty. Omega suggested sparring if he wanted to throw around sharp objects so badly. 

Amy worried, and he wished she wouldn’t. 

She placed her hands on either side of his face, and he had to work very hard not to melt on the spot as she leaned in. 

“It doesn’t look any different… Well, maybe a little swollen? It’s hard to tell. Did you maybe get hit and didn’t realize how bad it was? What’s it feel like?” 

“Tunneling.” That was the only word he could pick for it. It felt like something was tunneling into his head.  

That was the wrong choice. Shadow knew it as soon as it left his mouth and Amy’s face pinched as she pulled away. 

The next time she called to hang out, he did not answer. 

He didn’t answer any of her calls the next day either, or the next, or the twenty-seven that came after. Each one served as a reminder of how he was failing, her smiling face on the caller id looking up at him buried itself into his brain. He saw it everywhere, heard his ringer when there was no call. Even without her present, she hovered at his shoulder.

His stomach would turn when he denied the call.  

And then she got Rouge and Omega involved. 

Shadow should have known it would come to that. The moment he walked into the kitchen and Rouge rushed to hang up the phone, he knew what it was about. 

Of course Amy would call her. The fact that they too now were concerned at all should have been an indicator that this was more serious than he was willing to accept, but the fact of the matter was that Omega’s overprotectiveness and Rouge’s sideways glances left him avoiding them both rather than gritting his teeth through their inquiries. 

He did accept Rouge’s meds though. She always did have the stronger stuff on hand, all of her old prescriptions kept in their neatly labeled bottles at the far back of the refrigerator.��

But then, one day, Shadow heard two low voices in the kitchen. He stayed frozen in the hall, his breath stuck in his chest as Rouge whispered to Amy that he wasn’t okay, telling her he was getting worse, telling her that she was going to see if someone on the medical team could fit him in for an appointment. 

Shadow didn’t have to see Amy’s face to know what she thought. He could hear it in her voice, the way the pitch rose and rose, the hitching of her breath snatching her words from her. There was the familiar, heavy thud of her placing a container of foodstuffs onto the counter as she started to cry. 

The altercation between the roommates afterward ended with him throwing the pills back into the refrigerator and choosing to sleep atop the apartment complex roof. 

Shadow’s gaze burned two more stars into the hot city sky that night. Teeth and fists clenched, he tried to keep his breathing even to quell the fear taking root in his heart. 

Amy worried, and he wished she wouldn’t.

But he’d make this right. He’d get better. Amy wouldn’t need to worry about him anymore. 

About three months later, after another botched mission, Shadow stood in the GUN headquarters basement bathroom. His hands pressed into the wall, sweat beading on his brow as he took measured breaths through his teeth. 

When he tried to look into the mirror again, all he saw was a sickly image swimming before him.

Shadow dropped his gaze back to the sink, letting the world go fuzzy as his eyes started to burn and drift out of focus.

He couldn’t see. 

Why couldn’t he see? 

Bile burned at the back of Shadow’s throat, and as he swallowed, he bowed his head to wash his face in the sink. The fridged, tinny water only made the shaking worse, made his stomach churn more, and he gagged as he shut the water off and ran a hand across his eyes. 

This wasn’t right. 

He started to scrub his face. 

Nothing was right. He was sick. He couldn’t take care of anyone, let alone himself. This just kept getting worse, and as it did, it took him with it, the pain growing and growing, pulling him apart. He was failing at his life’s mission. He was failing at everything. 

And Amy was still worried.

He could still hear her crying from that day at the apartment, could still see her face when she had leaned in to see if she could spot anything. He remembered her breath on his skin and the taunt knot of her brow as she asked, again, for him to take care of himself. 

He couldn’t see clearly anymore, but he didn’t need his eyes to see in order to be haunted by hers. 

The little bell tone that he had picked specifically and only for her rang and echoed against the tile. 

Shadow scrubbed harder, nails raking across his flesh, leaving it red and raw. 

Amy worried, and he wished she wouldn’t. 

He wasn’t worth the energy.

He wasn’t worth-

There is pain, unlike anything else. It’s white and brilliantly blinding, showering sparks through his brain. The ground is gone. He cannot breathe. His lungs are burning and he feels like he might collapse in on himself like a dying star, sucked in and down and becoming nothing. 

And then, he was nothing. 

A vast blackness thick with the ringing silence. 

Weightless, effortless.

Until there was a hand in his. 

There was a hand in his, and he knew this hand. He knew the texture of these gloves, the shape of these fingers, the weight of this palm. He knew the strength it held him with and the ferocity it would continue to hold on with. 

He knew this hand, and when it squeezed, he squeezed back. 

And Shadow was himself again

All at once, there is too much texture, too much beeping. He could smell the disinfectant all around him, a deadly fog encroaching, and the itching of the adhesive for the electrodes on his chest feeling like the tiny teeth of worms. 

And he could not see at all. 

His eyes were crusted shut, cotton gauze adhering to the gunk and laying heavy on his brow. 

It needed to come off. All of it. 

“Shadow?”

He felt her hands cradle his face. Her voice sounded so fragile, brittle and exhausted to the point of snapping. 

Shadow’s heart clenched, breath caught in his throat. 

He did this to her. 

Unacceptable.

Shadow sat up and tore the electrodes out. 

Every machine in the room began to wail, and Amy’s own shriek went off with them. She screamed at him to lay back down, to stop, to just be still, and he would not. Shadow ripped the iv from his wrist in a fever all while her hands scrabbled at his own. 

The hands grabbing at him did not have the strength they knew they should have been carrying. Her voice, loud and commanding, was gone, almost entirely.  How long had he kept her up? How much had she cried, that her throat was so raw she could barely speak? How long had he left her like this, sitting here, watching a body? 

He did this to her. 

Useless. He was useless. He had hurt her, made her worry. 

Shadow scratched at his face. He had to get this damn thing off. He had to see her. He had to apologize now, right now. This was unacceptable. She was never supposed to worry. The feeling of tape ripping from his flesh, taking his quills with it, caused him to flinch, pull back, and-

And suddenly, there was light. 

Everything was bright, too crisp, the depth unnerving to the point where he feared he may slip from the bed. Amy’s arms came to catch him as he fell, eyes rolling back, stomach clenching. She is the one who pulled him back to center. She is the one who repeated over and over that he would be alright, gentle nothings tumbling from trembling lips.

But he looked at her, her face so close to his, and she stalled. 

Amy took his hands, the bloody gauze clutched tight in his grasp, and laid them to rest in his lap. 

Her face, a mass of tears, eyes red and bloodshot, lips worried to shreds. She ran a hand along his quills and he shivered both from the touch and from the pain. 

“Oh, Shadow…” Her wide eyes darted across his face. “I promise you’re safe. You’re gonna be alright.” 

He tried to blink away the spots, tried to give himself a moment to adjust, but for some reason, he couldn’t. He shut his eyes, could feel them close, could feel the way the lashes bristle and the flesh wrinkle, but he still looked straight ahead at her livid green eyes. 

The sound Amy made was soft, like that of something dying. 

That was when he spotted it. 

Just above her, looming over the bed, a magnifying lens encircled by a light, and there, in the faint reflection, he could see himself. 

A low sound, pathetic, like weeping. Grotesque. He burned with it, and the longer it went, the worse the burning got. His jaw, his eyes, his skin, they ached, and the sound only grew louder. It was not until he watched the tears dripping onto his hands that he realized it was him. 

It was him. He was crying. 

Making this worse. 

He could feel them then, trickling down from his forehead, down his nose, along his face with the rest of them. 

Salt in the wound. 

It burned. It burned. 

Shadow sat there, shaking in her hands, forced to watch as she stared, as she ran her hands through his quills and cupped his cheek.

That horrid unblinking eye, now right in the middle of his forehead, forced him to watch her face contort in fear. 

Amy, sweet Amy, was so, so afraid. 

And, Chaos, he wishes she wasn’t.