#but I am so sick of forcing myself though this stupid game for one disappointment after the other

[monasatlantis]

My Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth Review

People I have to be honest with you. I am so tired of this game. Tired of the new Final Fantasy 7 games. Of the fandom. Of the shipping war, of the fact that the only thing that I truly care about in this game, which is the ship I like, has been ruined for me by now and all that Kingdom-Hearts-Like bullshit with Sidegames and different timelines and all that stuff. So my Review is really just a lazy "I hate this game and its fandom and its characters and now even my shippiness is ruined" - kind of review. Not in Interview Style. Just random thoughts that are all over the place, like the ending of this freaking game.

Overall, I can say Gameplay-Vise and Pacing-Vise this game was definitively better than Remake. Tho this pacing has been almost ruined by the immense amount of bullshit Minigames that weren't exactly placed in the game in a well balanced way. Storywise tho, I have to say that Remake was more intriguing and more interesting. With this game, it felt to me like the only "Plot-Relevant" reason to play it, the only thing people really cared about were Aeriths death, Zack and Shippings. Which should not be the only good or interesting reason to play a 120 hours game. But the game had not much else interesting to offer - at least not for me - while I found that Remakes story, despite the fact that I hated the game as whole, was much more interesting and motivating than this one. It was basically 12 chapters of watching Clouds sanity falling apart while NO ONE does anything against it. Boring shit, I tell you. I guess the most interesting thing was Baretts Past. Even tho that story had some holes and wasn't something I was actively waiting for. But it was the most intriguing part of the story, besides waiting for the bullshit answer of why Zack and Biggs are still freaking alive.

I did think the balance between Plot, exploring and and Dungeons was really well done tho. And I also found the way the game was made was really intended to fit for all kind of players. Completionists had LOTS of stuff to do. People who loved the possibility of exploring a relatively open world also had lots to do and lots to look at and to fight and found and find out - tho I do agree with some people that they could have made it feel more natural BUT in the end, fulfilling Chadleys "missions" still ended up having a satisfying conclusion - or so I've heard since I only rush through the main story and the most necessary Sidemissions to get through the game as fast as possible - and not just because it sucks, but also because that is just the way I like to play. (Especially when I play a game for the very first time.) Once again the Minigames and how they were placed in the game kind of ruined this Balance. Like... A LOT. My two friends who completed the game like 100% and do usually like to do Minigames said that even they found that at some point it was really too much and almost getting ridiculous. For me personally, who HATES Minigames, this was a freaking nightmare and a big reason for A LOT of Anger and frustration. So theoretically, if it weren't for the Minimissions, this was a well-balanced game with a good pacing.

The Team of characters is a wild mix which usually isn't a bad thing. But somehow I just can't see them being a good and caring Team at all. Some random people who work together for more or less a common goal. But they do not really feel like a family or anything most of the time. If Aerith felt like, she should tell a lie about how Sephiroth got the black Materia from Cloud, because otherwise they might turn their backs on him instead of realizing that he actually needs help, then that says a lot about the team. Not that I have much good to say about the team, even without the whole Clouds-Sanity-Problem. It just didn't feel like a good team to me at all. Like I didn't feel good between them, if you get my drift. For me a good team is one, were I as a Player feel good among. Its hard to describe the feeling that I am missing with that bunch but I can certainly say that this feeling IS missing. Tho I guess you have to see that they do not know each other for so long and that their reasons and motives differ. The characters in itself weren't bad. Its not like I truly dislike any of them. In fact, I care enough to be angry at them for being stupid or assholes. And I have to say, Barett, who I disliked the most in the first game, has become one of the most sympathetic characters to me in the game. That really surprised me. But I feel like its because while the first game mostly showed him as a terrorists who spits bullshit as excuse for killing people or their jobs or taking their lights or anything, this time you can see a lot more of the softer, human and caring side of this man. He is probably not my favorite but... honestly? At this point, no one is!

Grafik was amazing as usual. The 4K scenes looked like they were right out of a movie. Absolut eye-candy. And I can not help but say that it looked A LOT better than Final Fantasy 16 did. The Soundtrack, as usual, was also amazing. Songs were also all well placed and no song was overused. They outdid themselves with this amazing Title-Song too. I can not stress enough how much more impact a song has on a game and you as a player if a song is "made and sung" by a character from the game about something the the players understand. That is why "Eyes on me" and "1000 Words" were such amazing songs. Because you could feel them and you could somewhat relate to the people singing it because you knew their situation and feelings. So like 100 out of 10 points for no Promises to keep. Battlesystem was doable. Nothing to argue about there. But as long as it is doable even for someone like me, I do not put it high on my priority list. Tho I think I should mention it. I did like the new Synergy-Attacks, tho. Nice idea. )Barett and Aerith looked "like a boss", if you get me XD)

Aside from the horror amount of non-optional minigames left, right and center, there were like 2 or 3 other things that really bothered me. First it was the explanation for how Biggs and Zack survived and that was basically a "it was a miracle" - thing that Zack believes was Aeriths doing. Its basically a "A Wizard did it" - kind of explanation. Like... Aerith create a new timeline by cheating or what? Biggs just magically appeared in the Orphanage? WTF?! How is that even a way to create a new timeline? I thought changes and choices would do that? What if the guy who shot the final bullet at Zack got a weapon-malfunction and the thing exploded and knocked out some of the soldiers and then Zack managed to beat the rest and that is how he was saved? It is at least an explanation! And what if Wedge instead of going for his cats, went to save Biggs first, but then gave him to some random guy from sector 7 and only then went for his cats? SOMETHING. ANYTHING that would make freaking sense instead of being a magical deus ex machina. Not to mention that Biggs purpose is absolutely unclear to begin with. Right to the point were he just got shot to death in one of the timelines. Like... why did Aerith save him if his purpose was to never find his purpose and after he though he found it, he just got shot like some random NPC that only survived to make Zack look for his purpose, which is something that actually any random NPC could have done, in fact. The next thing that bothered me is how no one, not even Tifa and Aerith who care so much about Cloud didn't say or do anything about Cloud slowly but surely losing it. He almost killed Tifa, but just because she suddenly remembered him saving her when she was a child, he was suddenly a hero and everything was great. And then she promised him to save him only to let him go on and on and on while his sanity and self-control was obviously fading more and more. When he says he is not like Sephiroth Tifa says that "They know." and "Its okay." But NOTHING is okay and they also do not really KNOW anything, because instead of facing that Cloud has a problem that they need to find a solution for, they just let him almost kill them all and become Sephirots puppet that throws Tifa away and chases Aerith down like a maniac. And Aerith herself isn't any better than Tifa. The harder this problem became, the more she let Tifa handle it until Tifas methods didn't work anymore either. And at the end, she decided into fooling Cloud to believing she is still alive even tho in the end the realization what really happened will crush him even more on top of everything else. These are the two girls that are supposed to care about him the most and they just allow him to first go insane and then keep him in the most instable state he ever was in, instead of allowing him to finally crush so they can work on helping him to get better and get his self-control back. The third thing, is that sometimes the characters didn't feel like themselves. Like... they did things that I would have not thought they would do or say or that made their relationships with each other look bad, even tho it shouldn't be that way. Like Aerith in Kalm. When she was holding on to Cloud after saying they were "kind of" on a date and she kept doing that even tho both he and Tifa felt obviously uncomfortable about it. Yes, she is a tease, but this was going on for just too long and felt absolutely stupid AFTER she told Cloud to fix things with Tifa. Not to mention that the two girls are obviously friends who do not which to argue about Cloud. That just didn't feel like something she would do to this extent. For a few seconds as a tease? Sure! But even holding on after Cloud was trying to push her off? No! (We could also talk about how it was not right of the Devs to position Aerith and Cloud on that stupid Watertower that was supposed to be Cloud and Tifas spot. It was respectless regarding both ships, if you ask me.)

The ending was absolutely stupid! Aeriths death scene was ruined by the confusing jumping between "dead" "saved" "dead" "saved" "dead?" "saved?" "not dead?" "not saved?" - scenes. Even with Cloud crying there was no emotional impact here because as the player the confusion won over the sadness. Getting this stupid "Cloud thinks Aerith is still alive" - kind of goodbye instead of the actual water-burial scene was also so damn frustrating. Neither he nor we managed to get a satisfying kind of "closure" - moment thanks to all that timeline bullshit. I also do not like that the whole theme of that Remake-Bullshit-Idea was to "defy fate" and yet in one of the timelines, Aerith died exactly the same way she did before, despite the fact that Sephiroth might actually sabotage himself by killing her. So why exactly did we play this game? Why did we go though all the changes just to end up the same way as before + all that timeline bullshit? I am not one of those "Remake the game 1:1" - kind of people but I agree with them at this one point. At least kill the girl of a bit later and in a different way instead of repeating the one thing that REALLY would be an impactful change.

I need to talk about shipping here, but I really don't want to. The Clerith-Game was so darn strong in Remake, just to be ruined in Rebirth for whatever stupid reason. I mean, why did I get a date in which Aerith said she loved Cloud for Cloud and not for the parts that remind her of Zack just to end up with a date that basically mirrors her date with Zack, but went totally wrong in the end? How can we go from Cloud almost kissing Tifa in a canon scene to this heartbreaking moment of Cloud cradling Aerith in his Arms when he "thought" she was dead and then "woke her up" again? WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT? Why do we get Marlene telling Zack that Aerith has feeling for Cloud, just for Zack to go find help for Cloud with Aeriths Hairband wrapped around his hand like a lucky charm? And why does someone write the Lyrics of "No Promises to keep" in that way just to say it is not a lovesong? What is wrong with the people in this franchise? I am so sick of this.

This game is NOT a Masterpiece that deserves 10 out of 10 points. Its a walking boring disappointment, full of stupid minigames, timeline bullshit and a Dating-mechanic that doesn't even allow completionists to choose which person they want to go on a date with and on top of all that they do NOT defy fate and yet still managed to ruin THE most iconic freaking scene of any Final Fantasy game! This can only come from a company censoring Tifas big boobs in the first just to showcase them as a selling point in one of their second game. What the hell is wrong with you SE?! And how can you allow the freak that ruined Kingdom Hearts and caused you so much trouble with what should NOT have been Final Fantasy 15 take over such an important project? I can not get all those people loving this game. It sucks! In a totally different way than the first game, but it still freaking sucks!

I give it barely 7 out of 10 points. Its Sin-Counter would be like 300 or so tho, if I would have put it through Game-Sins, just saying.

URG! I really should not play the next installment. Reunion is going to make my crack my PlayStation in anger and frustration. And for what? For people to ruin me 3 shipping-scenes and more timeline bullshit?

I think I am also so disappointed because Remake was that game that had the potential but ruined it and when the second game came out and got those amazing reviews I though, I hoped and I wished for the fact that I would enjoy playing it but I did not. There were barely any moments where I even wanted to open the game for any other reason then finishing it as fast as possible to get rid of it. I just... can not bring myself to love Final Fantasy games anymore. Maybe the Trails-Series has ruined me for other games or maybe everyone else's taste in games has developed with the games over the years and I am still stuck with how thing were with Final Fantasy X. I don't know! But I can not tell you how frustrating it is to - now for the freaking second time - hate a game and do not find it that great why everyone else is all so amazed by it.

And then forcing myself through this freaking toxic fandom and its stupid shipping war.

Just for your information: THERE IS NO CANON SHIP IN THIS GAME! LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT!

And now I need to get the fuck away from the franchise.

[sinnabonka]

15x19: So bad, that it’s actually good

Yesterday I had the experience of my life. I couldn’t watch the show (hi, everyone stuck in UTC+ shithole), but I couldn’t sleep either, so I ended up at 3 AM reading my people livestreaming it on Tumblr. This was one hell of a roller coaster, given the absurdity of the plot and the weakest writing in this season.

(I don’t mean the excellent and ironical and powerful message to the fandom, we’ll get there)

I was aware beforehand what I was getting, so no major disappointment regarding not seeing Cas back this week. Also, it kinda was my call, that he’ll be back in the final final.

The Ultimate Happy End, the biggest win of Dean Winchester. Chuck’s book ended, and Cas is not in Chuck’s book.

Was it bad? Yes, it was. Did I enjoy it? Hell yeah, I did. 

Everyone on Tumblr already gave their two cents of hatred regarding the writing, the montage, the solemn aim of this episode (spoiler alert: to please the general audience and bronlies), and I will give mine, too. Watcha say?

It was so bad.

I didn’t believe it was the same show as the rest of Season 15. It was like rereading the fanfic my stupid 13 y.o. self wrote after like half a season and no skill or whatever. Full OOC, everyone. Learn what not to do. 

I am so happy I didn’t watch ep 18 and 19 in one night. Could you imagine? That would be like getting kicked in the balls after a pretty good blowjob or something. Idk, but I can imagine.

It was lazy, it was just connecting two dots in the shortest way possible, although, leaving dozens of gaps! How, in the name of God, did they manage it?

Why Chuck could bring Lucifer back, but Jack didn’t pull Cas out of the empty before evaporating? 

Why Sam has no fucks to give about Eileen?

How did Michael miss the whole thing of Jack gaining powers, don’t angels, like, have a nose for such things?

What battle is he talking about? It’s was a single stab!

It’s all just so easy, so short sighted. God is bad, let’s defeat God. Lucifer is bad, too, let him do bad, again. Michael is petty, and with Adam gone he’s back to his tropes being daddy’s boy, let him not being appreciated one more time and lets kill him off, too. I mean, my speculations on this ep were stronger.

Let’s make our characters retell the villain what was happening off screen. Let’s put some direct call backs to the previous episode, but make it feel like a grain of sand in the eye. Let’s give Dean a miracle, just for Miracle to be yanked away from his hands a moment later (parallels to Cas, anyone?). 

Let’s pretend there’s no Eileen, there’s no Cas, let’s pretend they don’t matter! Let’s pretend “Just us” is a happy end. Let’s have two bros driving in sunset, because after all those years and all their losses, that’s the only thing that matters. “To everyone we’ve lost along the way”, my ass.  

(Totally following my call in here, though, I hate being right)

It was everything I’ve hated about the show back in 2013 when I left. And it was everything this show is not now, which I am so thankful for, and why I am back.

All those sloppy plot decisions, episodes with no logic, awkward and ridiculous montage, “only bro” dynamics, bending and totally ignoring the rules of the universe. The episodes with Lucifer, too, for crying out loud. 

Forced happiness, fake smiles, a lingering touch, close up at the beer bottles. It’s just them, the Winchesters, and the whole world can go fuck itself, as long as they get to drive their Impala to the end of the world and back.

This is something Chuck would love to be their ending. You see what I’m doing here? This episode - it’s Chuck’s book, it’s the bad ending Becky’s been talking about: all action and no Cas. In other words, not good. 

So, what’s good about it then?

In this episode we hear “the old Supernatural” talking through the words of Chuck and “the new Supernatural” answering, with Dean’s and Sam’s help:

Chuck: “What did you do?”

Dean: “We won.”

Chuck: “So this is how it ends?”

We won. The Author (TM) is defeated.

Chuck: “For the fist time I have no idea what happens next. Is this where you kill me? Dying of hand of Sam and Dean Winchesters. It’s kinda glorious?”

Chuck - the old Supernatural - wants the story to end this way. With killing God, with this bittersweet aftertaste, because Cas says all those beautiful words, but Dean still feeds off his anger and kills. Typical Chuck, right?

But, no! Not this time!

Dean: “See, that’s not who I am. That’s not who we are.”

Chuck: “What kind of ending is this?”

Sam: “His power. You sure it won’t come back?”

Jack: “It’s not his power anymore.”

It’s not their call! Writers tried to control the narrative so hard, but just kept circling around, killing one of the brothers just to bring him back. This time, there’s another ending. 

Dean: “It’s the ending where you grow old. You get sick. And you just die”

Sam: “And no one cares. And no one remembers you. You’re just forgotten.”

Because that, my people, is the destiny of Supernatural if it ends this way. It’s the ending of “Supernatural” by Chuck Shurley. If it is the story of two brothers hunting evil for fifteen years and finding themselves back in the place they begun in, what’s the point? Yes, we love the characters, but the story is empty.

Everyone is going to forget about it before the final credits end. And the writers are well aware of it. 

Quoting myself, If we keep taking the same route - we end up in the same place. How many seasons ended with Winchesters together, just the two of them? You’ll find one, that’s for sure. There’s no novelty in that ending. 

(And Bobo didn’t provoke The Ultimate Shitstorm of 11/5/2020 for nothing!)

The episode 20 will be something Supernatural will be well remembered by. It will be a game changer! 

I’ve written here about the change of the philosophy of the show (point 6). I’ll be a bit of a Chuck myself and put my own quote here once again:

The message the show wants to give the world has changed. From “it’s all about the journey, about saving people, killing things, no one ever gets what they deserve”, the philosophy has changed drastically toward the “good things do happen, you deserve to be saved, to be loved”.

And this, my people, is what we are getting in the next episode. Because Chuck’s story was about killing your brother, killing your son, one apocalypse after another, Lucifer, Michael, all that shit. 

But Dean’s and Sam’s is not. And in their book, there’s Cas, there’s Eileen, and everyone they didn’t lost along the way.

So, brothers driving in sunset? Not the end, but the beginning of their own story.

“Supernatural” indeed ended tonight. But our story didn’t.

[jaeminscoffee]

The midnight man | l.ty

Pairing- Lee Taeyong x reader

Mentions- Lee Donghyuck, Na Jaemin, Liu YangYang, Nakamoto Yuta, Seo Johnny, Kim Doyoung, Ten Lee, Lee Dong Wook.

Genre- Horror!au, angst, crack, part fluff.

Warning(s)- Evil entity!Taeyong, Manipulation, Major character death (lmao you'll actually punch yourself towards the end), sexual themes suggested, impulsive decision making, talks with religion.

Word count- 11.83k

Synopsis- 'Lust though pleasurable, innocent and vice, thee shall stay loyal to thy partner regardless of wants. To betray thy partner is to deceive thy people and hence the kingdom. Thou shall pay for thy soul shall remain wandering, driven by the desires but, shall not be able to feel the human love thou took for a grain of salt. And all who shall follow thy steps shall face the same wrath.'

@kpopscape

This story is pure work of fiction and therefore doesn't speak about the mentioned members' personality in real life. I, in no manner, am trying to encourage hate speech towards the members so please don't come at me. This story was written using a mix of a bunch of urban legends and few made up by myself and therefore it isn't going to be spoken about the same way as it is in google. I also worked really hard on this piece and it's by far, the longest story I've written so feedbacks would mean a lot!, also it could get a little boring since i took time to focus on the side characters too. Make sure not to repost my works and sign it off as your own because that's a little disheartening and mockful towards the writer. So all credits reversed to @jaeminscoffee 2020©®

If anyone here doesn't know the story behind the midnight game, then read on! Because I've described it throughout the story! Happy reading!

29/10, Thursday, 10:57PM

"We need to do something this halloween man, Y/n come on!" 

Your friends all collectively whined as you constantly kept rejecting their proposal. 

Halloween is bullshit. It's overhyped and in all honesty, childish. You'd rather prefer staying home than go house to house and make a fool out of your existence. Not to mention you were all past the age of trick or treating. And to add on top of that came all the sugar rush you'd all go through at the end of the day. "For the last time, Hyuck we're not dressing up like crewmates and going trick or treating. I've got other things to do for the love of god" you grunt, rubbing the scrunched up skin to soothe the pain at the temples. University has been acting up again and so has life. "If your 'other things to do' is binge watch high school musical then no, you have no other better things to do" Yangyang bites back. 

"It's just, I don't feel like it anymore, alright? It feels too weird going out asking for candies when we're all literally 19 and above. It's time to up the notch." you say, plopping down.

When Haechan called for an emergency meeting in pure 'among us' style back at the guys' dorm, you'd expected it to be about something along the lines of having to console Jaemin or someone for having been stood up on a date. What you didn't expect was to have the boys prepare an entire presentation on who'd dress up as what character from among us and who'd be the impostor, do a little play and then say 'red is sus' and then ask for candies. What made it worse was that you thought they were just pulling a prank on you when in all reality, they were dead serious which made you go, 'oh, oh they aren't pretending to be stupid, they're just in their original form.'

"It won't be that bad, doll. It's a genius plan if you ask me" Jaemim chirped in on the conversation finally after looking back and forth between you, Donghyuck and Yangyang caught up in a meaningless fight. "I don't see how any of this is genius, Jaem. If this plan's anything, it's stupid." You pull out your phone after making your way all the way to the headboard of Jaemin's bed. "How about we try out one of these creepy pasta games?" Yuta finally spoke up. Jaemin's brother, an early graduate, senior and of course a dear friend of yours. Yuta, despite the age difference between your classmates and you, had little to no trouble blending in with the tiny group of yours. Probably the only one who didn't behave like a toddler and the most sane one according to you. Yuta's been an amazing planner since junior year where you first met Jaemin, Yangyang and Donghyuck who then proceeded to introduce you to their senior friend group that consists of Yuta, Johnny, Doyoung; Donghyuck's cousin and Ten. You guys had a friendship the entire campus was envious of. But two year after you getting into the university, the seniors had to graduate. But that didn't stop all your bonds from staying as strong as ever. Not even after Ten got his posting in a town a little far away from the one you guys lived in. The distance didn't change anything between you guys and you were as close as you could ever get. 

"Creepypasta?" Donghyuck inquired, looking straight at the guy who aimlessly scrolled down the screen of his device as Yuta didn't even bother looking up while passing the confused boy a nod. Sitting up cross legged from his previous side sitting posture, Yuta showed his phone screen to Donghyuck, who immediately got surrounded by the other two while you stare at the oldest in the room, slightly intrigued by the idea. "Creepypasta's like these horror-related legends that have been copied and pasted around the Internet by people who're too bored for their own sake." you explain as Haechan took the phone out of Yuta's hand who agreed to your explanation. "I read some sick games that I kinda wanna try out and see for myself," he said, looking at you with expectations and then the rest who seemed too immersed in surfing the website. 

"Yuta, you of all people should know better than to think all these made up crap's real" you say nonchalantly. 

Yuta's a huge skeptic, and so were you. Which is why you got along really well despite the mentioned age gap. The night gatherings back at the boy's dormitory or the girls (in this case, girl, yours) would always end up in narration of on spot made up stories of all genre, mostly horror because apparently according to Jaemin 'Rom-com's overhyped, sci-fi won't be fun when you narrate it out loud, mystery can easily turn boring, comedy, meh i guess, but a good horror story narrated properly, -yes, like you, Haechan- while adding jumpscares here and there could actually result in y'all being too scared to use the bathroom on your own'. And yeah, you'd startle here and there but the stories weren't believable enough for you to actually be scared. On the other hand, Haechan and Jaemin were scaredy cats. Literal toddler's who're so gullible, you could literally tell them there was an alien invasion news flash two minutes ago and they'd be hiding under their bed. And then there's Yangyang, he just doesn't care. He goes along with the plans solely for the fun of it and for the other's' (Haechan and Jaemin) reaction. "That's the point. I don't" he shuffled around to shift closer to you,

 "Which is exactly why i want to try them out" 

Maybe it's the feline that crossed over his body, maybe it was the fact that his spirit just wasn't ready to leave the human realm yet. Maybe it's the mourning of his family or maybe it's him himself knowing full too well his potential was truly wasted due to the fast departure. Whatever it was, his spirit was definitely made restless. 

The world is a cruel place where harsh actions are always sugar coated by honey like words. It's how he knew the doings of his people were wrong that made him disappointed. The practices of the people, his people, were stupid, meaningless and only harmful to the human kind. They fend off the satisfaction of their almighty even if that means that there needs to be sacrification of their loved ones, their nemesis, or them themselves. And it was his ancestors fault for starting all these practices. 

Passed down generations from generations was the curse put on the first of their bloodline by the princess he'd defied to go out and be ruthless by disregarding his duties as a husband, a father, a member of the royal courts and as a human being.

Lee Dong Wook. The root of all evil, the main reason the males of the family line faced the same wrath as him, all cursing at him but one namely enjoying his role. The pagans, dating back to the roman times era had a very, let's say, interesting method of punishing. The said lords they'd worship, the people following the religions had a strong belief that nature is sacred and that the natural cycles of birth, growth and death observed in the world around us carry profoundly spiritual meanings. Gods and goddesses of life, or say, death or anything else that exists beyond life and death, they believed in all. 

The doings of his ancestors started off innocent. Sacrifices to the lords of goodness and tranquility, a peaceful life by the towns and outskirts, forgiveness for wrong doings and of course, happiness. It's how any religious rituals would go about and all were happy until the said betrayer of the group came in with that curse of his. 'The doings of his shall be repented for all the men following shall be the one paying it,' 

At first glance when the man returned back to his royals, there were little to no suspicions of a curse being casted on him. He seemed normal to his family, his people except for the occasional forcing people to do something they despised. And it wasn't just the men of the family instead, it was all. But mostly the men, unless the same sin were to be committed by the females. Obscure behaviors have been asked to follow starting exactly at midnight to the witch's hour be it hurting your loved one, your enemy, doing sinful things, allowing self to get manipulated and mostly, shortening their own life time in the human realm. It was all unexplainable. Why was he asking people to do things like this but most of all, why are they even listening to him? 

It wasn't until they discovered that Dong Wook, for one, was never the one who returned home. On a second note, he, 'Dong Wook' mainly only targeted the men whose doings were similar to his that was fueled by the same sin that had him going. Which only remained undiscovered. The curse was unbeknownst to all still, Dong Wook himself remained undiscovered. Or proposed by the elders of the community, his body remained undiscovered while his spirit roamed restless among the people. 

The pagan romanticists are, in most cases, ignorant of the “paganism” they praise—the redeemed paganism of Christianity depicted in the transfigured water of the True Well of Life. Wrestling with the Greek gods, however, leads us to see the hyper-anthropomorphization of the gods with one intention in mind—justification of sexual lusts and displays of power over the weak.

The oldest written account of the Greek deities is from Hesiod. His Theogony, literally “birth of the gods,” charts out the genealogies of the major and minor deities in two branches. The first set of gods come into existence without sex. The second set of gods come into existence with sex; often very graphic and violent sex and they continue to have violent sex after their birth. 

As Hesiod continues to describe the birth and death of the gods and great monsters of antiquity, the chaining of Prometheus to his eternal torment is described. So too is Hades’ rape of Persephone. Battle is depicted left and right, and “a terrible din arose from their dreadful wrath, and the work of power was revealed”. Lust, sex, and war reign supreme in Hesiod’s telling of the birth of the gods. Moreover, it is from this brutality and carnality that Hesiod gives them praise—only those with enough cunning and ambition are worthy of having the praise of the muses.

That the gods birthed through sexual lust are themselves lustful was not missed by Christians of the pagan community. Though St. Augustine received the Romanized version of the Greek myths, he goes to great lengths and laborious pains—using the pagans’ own prophecies —to highlight the moral depravity of the gods in Confessions and City of God.

His sin, after all the years, was lust and the want to dominate. 

'Lust though pleasurable, innocent and vice, thee shall stay loyal to thy partner regardless of wants. To betray thy partner is to deceive thy people and hence the kingdom. Thou shall pay for thy soul shall remain wandering, driven by the desires but, shall not be able to feel the human love thou took for a grain of salt. And all who shall follow thy steps shall face the same wrath.'

Oh, how lust was a dangerous feeling. 

29/10 continued. 11:28PM

It's how you all circled around in the living room like any other day that was comical to you. Instead of reading out your own made up story, it so happened to be the Creepypastas Yuta screenshotted for what he wanted to try out and see for himself. It wasn't even his idea to read them out. Haechan and Jaemin's 'too curious for their own sake' selves were the ones who wanted to read it out loud. "How about we sit in the order of who's gonna read out what and when?" Yangyang suggested, standing up from his seat. "Yuta read out the topics and we'll pick randomly." 

"No fun! Hold up," Haechan did some pretty exaggerated hand actions before getting up and heading to his room, well, Jaemin's room to do who knows what. "Okay? I'll get the candles!" Yangyang said, him getting out of his seat too, "And I'll go get the bible, jesus christ" and Jaemin was out of his seat too. You look at Jaemin in a funny manner, as though questioning him with your eyes if he's actually going to get a bible or not, "What? I don't want to die young, I'm too hot for that" he said, before following Haechan's steps to his bedroom, "Yikes, you aren't going to die dude" 

"Okayy, I'm back, make way bitches" Haechan dictated to which he earned a few groans and a smack on the ankle from Yuta, "Jaemin! I can't find the candles!" "It's beside the Reese's cups! Second rack inside of the refrigerator!" Jaemin says while walking back up to your tiny circle with an empyre comic in his hand and a cross pendant dangling off of his neck, "That's a bible?" you question. "Shush, do not question the power of avengers and fantastic four." Jaemin replies, holding the comic up close to his chest. You all collectively dismiss it with a concerned look directed towards the male, "Are we not going to question the fact that Jaemin keeps his candles inside the fridge?" 

"So here's what we're going to do, I've got these tiny papers which have numbers from 1 to 5,because we're five people and I've folded the paper into chits, once i toss it, we pick random sheets and the number you get is when your turn to read is, any objections?" Haechan explained, "Even if you have any, keep it to yourself because I don't care" he bites in again while juggling the folded sheets in a closed palm while the other supports his body by it being planted behind him. "Okay I'm back with the candles" Yangyang finally joins in on the circle, completing it, "You took that long to find one candle?" Yuta asks, "No i was eating the reese's cups" he replied, wiping his hand on your jean clad thighs earning him a loud whine of 'Eww that's disgusting man' and a little too far from soft smacks on his shoulder, "You piece of sh-" Jaemin starts, "Okay all, Focus!" Haechan cuts him off, ready to throw the bits onto the space between the five of you in front of the now lit candle (Thank you, Yuta), and so he tossed it a little high up from the ground, letting the paper fall of his palms and onto the floor while being cautious of not throwing it anywhere near the flame. 

"Now let's arrange ourselves according to the numbers, who's number one?" Haechan asks, Yuta raises his hands while pointing at where he's sitting, "I'm not getting up, y'all arrange yourself so that the person going second is to my right and the last person would be to my left", you all look at him nonchalantly, "What?" with a shake of your head, you proceed calling out numbers, "Number two?" Haechan shoves Yangyang back to take his place beside Yuta, "bitch." Yangyang seats himself beside Haechan, followed by Jaemin and lastly, you. 

"First, Yuta!" Jaemin slurs the elders name, receiving a death glare from his cousin. Nevertheless, Yuta cleared up his throat and switched his attention to his phone screen, "The first urban legend is from Japan, ironically." He states as a matter of fact, "It's called Aka Manto."

"Aka manto is an urban legend related to toilets—particularly those in elementary schools.-"

"Is that why you take a relatively long time inside of the bathroom? Are you, you know? Tickling pickles with Aka Mant-ow! Sorry!" Yangyang was wasted as he was tackled onto the floor by Yuta, while the rest of you cracked up, "Now let's get a little serious, come onnn!" Haechan whines. 

"This phenomenon is known all over Japan, with countless variations on the same theme. It usually takes place in a specific stall in a specific bathroom in the school. Usually it is an older or seldom used bathroom, often in a stall with an older style squat toilet.  Often the fourth stall is the cursed one, as the number four is associated with death." "I'm so glad our university has only two stalls," Jaemin chimes in, suddenly grasping the cross pendant. 

"Most stories follow this general pattern: while at school late in the evening, a student suddenly finds him or herself in desperate need of a toilet. The closest restroom available is one that is normally avoided by the students; it is older and less well-kept, separated from the rest of the school, and is rumored to be haunted. But with no time to search for a different restroom, the student enters. He or she does their business, and when they have finished, they reach for the toilet paper only to find that there is none. Then they hear a strange voice" Yuta looks up from the phone screen, "“Do you want red paper? Or blue paper?”" 

"None bitch, give me the classic white,"

With a roll of his eyes, Yuta continues, "If the student answers, Red paper, moments later, they're stabbed and sliced up violently that blood seeps out of them, painting the walls of the stall red and it soaks up into their body, making them appear red", "And if the student responds blue paper, then their blood is going to be sucked up dry, leaving them dead and blue-faced on the floor."

"But! If you try to outsmart Aka Manto, by replying to question with, i don't know, "Yellow paper" then too, dead is inevitable, you will be shoved onto the floor where the spirit is said hold your head down in the dirty toilet water until you drown and well, die" Yuta ends with a shrug of his shoulder, "Seems pretty bullshit to me" and you agree alongside, though, it could be a little creepy if the existing legend did turn out to be true. "Okay next!"

Yuta leans back a little more, pressing onto your side which you took as an invitation to lean on his shoulder. When you did so, all Yuta did was beam at you and wrap his arms around you to keep you close after handing the phone over to Haechan, "If you want me to start reading you have to give it up for me. Give me the grand welcome that i deserve" the lad said in a childish voice which again only earned him a few smacks and half hearted applauds. "So this one is apparently called, the one man hide and seek" though all narrations were being taken on a lighter note, the mood set in the room gave you enough space to picture the stories, added to that came the factor that Donghyuck knows exactly how to narrate what. 

"The "One-Man Hide and Seek", also known as the "One-Man Tag," is a ritual for contacting the dead. The spirits, which are wandering restless on the Earth, are always looking for bodies to possess. In this ritual, you will summon such a spirit, by offering it a doll instead of a human body." He lowers his voice while focusing solely on the screen.

"The warnings say that if you have any psychic abilities, you may feel unwell or be prone to accidents during the ritual." He raises his eyebrows, looking at all four of you in a curious manner. The things you need for this game seems lowkey sketch"

"One stuffed doll. It must have limbs, Rice, enough to stuff the doll full. One needle, and one crimson thread. One pair of nail clippers. One sharp-edged tool, such as a knife, glass shard, or scissors. One cup of salt water. Natural salt would be best. A bathroom, with a bathtub and some form of counter. A hiding place, preferably a room purified by incense and ofuda. There must be a TV in there." Haechan's face contorts with each requirement for the game. Letting out a defeated sigh, he hands the phone over to Yangyang, "Of all the stories i could've narrated, i got chosen for this and for what? Just to contact stupid poltergeists. Just play a ouija board and go" 

Giving Haechan a sympathetic pat on the back, he takes the device. Looking through the screen he cracks up a smile, "Alright, listen up closely. This is an Urban legend classic"

"The Slender Man-" a bunch of 'aahhs' of realization resonate through the room

"-is a supernatural creature that is described as appearing as a normal human being but he is described as being 8 feet tall and he has vectors or extra appendages that are described to be as sharp as swords. The creature is known to stalk humans and cause many disappearances. He is described as a shadow creature that has a missing face. The creature fits into many mythologies in legends from nations such as germany and celts which brings up the possibility that he could be real." Yangyang pauses to add in a little more life to his reading while all of your paid full concentration to him

"A man named victor Surge found this legend and made his own version of it which he called slender man. The slender man is not exactly evil according to mythology but victor Surge’s version shows him as an evil creature that stalks humans to kill. In mythology he was actually trying to save you from a painful death by taking you to the underworld early." he ends, placing the phone down in front of him, screen down. "Kills you to save you from a death and collectively shortens your lifespan? Seems legit to me" Jaemin chimes in while the rest of you chuckle whereas Haechan pouted at the device in front of his friend, "I should've gotten that story" 

"My turn!" 

"So, ahem-" Once the focus is all on him,Jaemin  looks down onto the device containing his part of narration. "- This is an urban legend about a girl named Daruma who was a young Japanese woman that died in the bathroom, which upon entering to take a bath, it stumbled and her forehead ended up against the edge of the tube, destroying it the brain, at the same time that her eye embedded in the tube , leaving it in consequence, one-eyed key and later , dead by bleed out."  "Oh god ouch" You hiss as though your forehead was the one that hit the edge, " Her appearance as described is apparently; black hair that is entangled, her clothes rotting and made shreds. She only has one eye. Her left eye is completely open and injected with blood." "That's gruesome," Yangyang adds, earning a nod from Jaemin who's eyes were still fixated on the screen. "And apparently there's a ritual that you can follow to summon her into your house for twenty four hours straight" At the silence, he continues. "I'll shorten it, so you have to begin it right before your bedtime, shed all your clothing and enter your bathroom, turn off all the lights and fill in your bathtub, climb into it while being seated facing faucet, close your eyes and start washing your hair while chanting "Daruma-san fell down" and keep chanting that until you're done washing your hair, and yeah don't open your eyes."

"If you did it right then you'll get this image of a japanese who'll slip and fall in front of you. Even if you hear a noise behind you, do not open your eyes, no matter what it takes, Ask out loud, 'why did you fall in the bathtub' and let that hang in the air. With your eyes still closed, get up and out of the tub and be careful not to slip and do not drain the tub. Go to your room, don't turn the lights on, shut the bathroom door closed and sleep. Wake up the next day and carry on with your day and you'll apparently feel her presence alongside you all day. She'll constantly try getting close to you, when she does, scream 'Tomare!',"

"That means stop," Yuta adds to which you all hum in understanding.

"To end the game, capture her gaze from over your shoulder and say 'Kitta' which means 'I cut you loose' while swinging your arm in a chopping motion. If you followed the procedures then you'll be rewarded but if not then, run. That's all it says here" He stops, looking a little shaken at how he created an image of it all in his mind. "They didn't say how to get rid of her if you fail following the procedure?" you ask

"No." Jaemin shrugs it off

"Alright boys, my turn"

30th October, Friday, 10:53PM

It's probably how you read out your part of story telling, or it was how he felt the game was a little too unrealistic that had Yuta hooked onto the urban legend. 

Yuta found himself at his dorm doing a little more research on the midnight ritual. A backpack already consisting of all the elements required for the game, 'could it really be played just by one person?'. Whatever it was, he really wanted to do the game. He wanted someone to accompany him, of course. But knowing his friend group, not many would be ready to play it alongside. Doyoung was probably busy preparing his resumes for his job interviews. Johnny's all the way back in Chicago for a little family time. Ten was a little too far from your town so he'd feel bad calling him all the way over just to perform a probably demonic ritual. Donghyuck and Jaemin are out of the question, they'd obviously say no. Yangyang has a company party to attend as the heir. And you had to study for your test on Monday so he didn't really feel like disturbing you though, he did inform you that he was going out to have some fun and that you could join him anytime. Closing his laptop with a sigh, he gets up and walks over to where his bag was sprawled across the floor, picks it up and makes his way out of the studio apartment like dormitory after grabbing his car keys. 

Not like he believed it was real, it's incase if the legend turns out to be even the slightest of reality, he wasn't going to get his dormitory haunted, instead opting to perform it at the house he grew up in, his childhood house. That was left abandoned ever since they moved out months before his younger brother was born after his father had an episode still unknown to him inside the place. It was convenient enough to perform the ritual in and no one lives there anymore, and it was just a few minutes from where his house was anyways. 

Reaching the place and swinging the backpack over his shoulder, he makes his way into the surprisingly still intact house. Not much time to waste, looking around, Yuta slowly made his way up the wooden stairs, the wood creaking with each step he took to prove the existence of this house dated long back. The guest room shut lock from lack of human souls even when they used to live there. The paintings still hung off of a single screw, nostalgia hitting him straight as he recalled the one time he was playing catch with a neighbor's kid and ended up breaking the glass frame. The wallpaper's adhesive seemingly had gotten weaker from how they had started coming out from nooks and crannies of the walls. The place, without doubt, looked a little creepy but nonetheless felt homely. 

Switching on all switches from the main controller that was in the control room right by the end of the hallway, the entire darkness was replaced with light as the bulbs shockingly still seemed to function. The warm white colour of the lights took Yuta all the way back to his growing up years, missing all the fun he'd had there and all the memories he'd created. He, though grew up mostly by himself from how busy his parents were on the weekdays and sometimes the weekends, missed them more now that they live far off in Japan with his mother's family. Especially now that he was in the place they spent the most time together in. Shaking his head, he had no trouble navigating his way to his childhood room. Where he set the bag down.

He reached out to his back pocket to get out his phone, switching it on as the screen illuminated, 11:28PM, the screen read. To kill the time, Yuta set up all the items required in place to proceed the ritual smoothly. He pulled his laptop out of the backpack once he was all set to maybe watch something on the internet. It being other peoples attempt at the ritual he was about to perform.

11:55PM.

Yuta inhaled, having only a few more minutes until he had to proceed. He recalled your words,

"Alright boys, my turn" You snatch the phone out of Jaemin's hand who seemed really immersed in finding out more about the legend he just read out about, earning a pout from him. "I was reading" he let out in a whiny tone immediately going stoic after receiving a 'do i care' look from your end. "Okay, so the story I'm going to read out is called the midnight man, or the midnight game" You scroll back and forth through the pages the oldest of the group screenshotted. "From what he's gathered, there's not much backstory, but apparently it's a ritual or mostly a punishment that the pagan's use to punish the betrayer of the group who failed to stay loyal to their lords or the group. One of the people of the religion will summon the midnight man to an abandoned house where they lock up the said betrayer who'll then be put through god knows what by the midnight stranger," You stop to look up from the screen to look at each of your friends before letting out a sigh. 

"My take on this though is that it's highly impossible since the rules here state that once you start the ritual you aren't allowed the leave the place until the game is completely done unless you want the midnight man to follow you around for as long as you live, so unless the midnight man actually favored the pagans, there's no way they could punish the betrayer without one of the loyal ones passing away along with the one being punished" you state, "But what if, it's the midnight man that they preach? You know, like, they could be praying the midnight man" Haechan adds in a point which seemed to make sense, "That's possible too" 

"Why would someone preach an evil entity? That's so sketch" Jaemin asks perplexed. "They did a lot of sketchy things back in the days, Jaem. I wouldn't question it," Yuta chirps. "Is there any other backstory given about the midnight man?" Yangyang finally speaks up, "Well not really, but when i was taking screenshots of this it apparently started with a curse on someone whose identity is unknown to most. There was no such thing as the midnight game or ritual until the said bewitched man came back into town. I only know up to there, but there are high chances that he's probably the origin of the ritual." Yuta explains. "Why does Y/n get the best always, that's so unfair"  Haechan's dramatic self whines while leaning onto Yangyang who rolled his eyes but nonetheless threw his hands around the latter's shoulder, "Anyways, the procedure for the ritual is given here."

"You need one candle, a lighter or a match box or anything that ignites fire, a piece of paper, something to write with, a sharp object, it could be a pin, it just needs to be something sharp enough to draw blood, a wooden door, and salt for protection-" You read out, "Now why the fuck would they need blood," Jaemin asks, shaken up. "That's for them to know and us to find out" 

"Here's how the invitation for the midnight man goes. Begin prior to midnight," 

Yuta stood up from his bed, and walked up to the backpack on the floor, picking out the papers he'd brought along and took out a blunt pencil. 

"Write your full name- first, middle, and last- on the piece of paper with your writing implement." He wrote syllable by syllable, Nakamoto Yuta. "Prick your finger with the pin and squeeze until a drop of blood appears. Dot the blood on the paper and allow it to soak in. Turn off every light in your home." He took out the small safety pin he brought along from his jean pocket, pressing his fingers hard and pricked into the skin as hard as he could, keeping in mind to not draw too much blood. Yuta let the droplet fall right in the space between his last name and first. 

"Place the paper with your name and blood on it in front of the closed wooden door. Light the candle using the matches or lighter and place it on top of the paper. If you are using a taper, make sure it is placed in a candle holder." He walks up to the door and places down the paper with his name and blood on it, with the half melted scented candle he brought along. Yuta took out his phone once again, 11:59. "Knock on the door 22 times. The final knock must occur precisely when the clock chimes 12am. Open the door; then blow out the candle and close the door. Relight your candle immediately." He starts to knock on the door, drumming on the dusty wood, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.

He checks the time once again, 12:00AM.

He leans down to pick the glass jar containing the candle, relighting it, 

"I welcome you."

Taeyong loved the tiny creatures in the human realm. They were so naive and so, stupid but weirdly smart at the same time that made playing with them ten times more interesting. The callings from them, or the way they say it in the human realm, summoning the spirit was the only way he could gain access to enter the place. Summoning wasn't even necessary. Saying his name out was more than enough for him to go up to you. Midnight man, midnight stranger, midnight visitor, pagan's god, What not had the human's named him. 

The only one besides his ancestor of said curse that enjoyed the power of punishing people was Taeyong himself. The youngest of the bloodline and the freshest of pagan's spirit, he loved the power he had. Sure he had no access to love, instead besides lust and range he felt nothing, maybe amusement too, but none other than that and he seemed perfectly fine with that. Human's always seeked lust more than love either way so he found no problem in being void of feeling a vulnerable emotion. Instead, he found love pathetic. Watching human's from where he lived, he'd seen all from men and women seeking love by going to heights of trouble only to waste away your remaining life with one partner. Leeching off of pleasure at times when you had a significant other. He always got a hearty laugh from all of that. According to him, if you want someone, get them. Instead of tailing them and trying to be a goody two shoes, just make them yours in a way that's inevitable for them to fall for you. Control how they feel. Easier said than done since he was the only one with the ability to do so, 'how fucking pitiful'.

So when he saw you and your small group of friends discussing about him, laughing at all the assumptions you made along the way, he wanted each of you to himself. "My take on this though is that it's highly impossible since the rules here state that once you start the ritual you aren't allowed to the leave the place until the game is completely done unless you want the midnight man to follow you around for as long as you live, so unless the midnight man actually favored the pagans, there's no way they could punish the betrayer without one of the loyal ones passing away along with the one being punished" you're smart and that was intriguing to him. He liked the way you thought of things and the male beside you too, you both seemed to take tales of him as a grain of salt and that, besides angering him, made him feel the want to prove himself to you. Taeyong found the other three cute, seemingly scared of him just the way he liked it. 

His ancestor's who held the same power as him, the curse actually, came to be known as said lord because of their power of manipulation and to inject in their worst nightmare into their minds that had the people divide themselves into groups. One that believed the power they had was for the good and considered them to be their god, their savior. And the other being the one's scared of their power and the fear that the same faith would bestow upon them that had them pray for forgiveness for sins they never committed. So your friend had the point a little, but it was inaccurate. They believed him. Believed Taeyong and feared his power. He loved people bowing down in front of him, eyes trembling and body shivering. It gave him a sense of dictatorship. And he had set his mind to have both of you non-believers fear him. 

Having been brought up with little to no love, Taeyong followed down the same path as his great grandfather. Not having enough time to feel the vulnerable emotion, he chose to go down the path of pleasure and power play. His powers though, seemingly stronger than the past generations, probably due to the fact that he was young, ruthless and free of care. He could make himself appear physically in the human realm in any shape and form, though he always preferred to go in his original, but less scarier form. His visuals were out of the world. He didn't have to scare people to make them obey, instead all he had to do was pretend to be there and just be himself and that only made humans seem even pathetic to him. 

"Relight your candle immediately"

12:01PM, The main event. 

"Keeping your candle in hand and your salt and matches or lighter close by, begin to move about your home. Should your candle go out, you must relight it within the next ten seconds.  If you are successful, continue moving about your home. Do not stop moving until 3:33 am. If you are unsuccessful in relighting the candle, immediately surround yourself with a circle of salt.  Remain inside the circle until 3:33 am. At 3:33 am, it is safe to stop moving or to step outside your circle of salt. You may also turn on the lights. The game Is Over."* You conclude. Hissing slightly at the sudden pain by your shoulder that was exposed from the minimalistic clothing you'd adorned, the stranger looking over it all smirked to himself. 'Got it'

Yuta opened the door again, mindful to keep his phone back in his jean pocket along with the lighter and of course, the salt be brought along. Starting from the end of the hallway, nothing seemed to change except now, the eerie silence was starting to bother him, 'Just 3 hours to go,'. He didn't miss a single corner, walking room to room, corner to corner, mindful to stay inside all the way. The temperature of certain rooms seemingly lesser than others. A cold pocket. 

"There are few warnings too," you swipe the image to go to the next one, "At 3:33 am, the Midnight Man will leave your home. After he has left, you may safely end the game. Do NOT turn on any lights during the game.  Do NOT use a flashlight during the game. Do NOT go to sleep during the game. Do NOT use a lighter instead of a candle during the game." Check. He had a lighter on him just to relight the candle anyways. 

Taeyong, following the guy seemed to be quite impressed by his bravery. Not even the slightest of shaken up as he proceeded to walk about the villa. That's good, no slip ups and he seemed too good to mess anything up either ways, and that bored the entity. Where's the fun if he just succeeded? 

To avoid the candle from going off at the sudden flickering, Yuta covered it up the best he could with his hands and checked around whether any windows were left open. Darkness engulfed the surrounding all of a sudden, the lad being taken aback, 10 seconds. He rushed to take out his lighter, 9,  pressing the button repeatedly to ignite the flame only to get a small blue flame instead, huh? 8, running back full speed happy that he was in the premises of where his backpack is, he pulled the spare lighter, a brand new one out of the side pocket, 7, repeating the same process of flicking the button over and over, 6 until a bright orange flame engulfed the dark room, 5, he immediately grabbed his candle from besides the bag, 4 reaching in close by the wick, burning himself slightly in 3-, the process. Yuta heaves out a sigh of relief, while the spirit laughs at the frantic boy. 'He's cute.'

For a breaker, he took out his phone, looking at the time that seemed to pass by quickly throughout the ritual, 2:47 AM. A little more while to go until he'd finally get it over with. "Do not attempt to provoke the Midnight Man during the game." You ended for the nth time that night, "Which idiot would-" Yangyang asks "Haechan-" Jaemin pretends to cough while blurting out his best friends name, the mentioned feigning offence while tilting his head to the side, tongue poking at the insides of his cheek. "Seems like that's pretty much it." you shrug while the older guy beside you leaning back on both of his hands, "I kinda wanna try that out" Yuta raised his eyebrows at you. "Halloween night? We all go together" you chirp in, both of you whipping your heads to look at the three perplexed boys. "Uh, I have to water my fish on halloween? She'd get pretty thirsty". Jaemin's eyes wandered about, coming up with an excuse, "And I gotta walk my rock yo, physical fitness." Haechan adds, "Can I bring my fish along? She could use some exercising". 

"Come on guys, it won't be that bad, we'll stick in a group?" You pleaded, trying your best to muster up the cutest puppy eyes. "I'm down" Yangyang shrugs. You do a tiny seal clap, looking expectedly at the other two, Yangyang and Yuta doing the same. "We stick together?" Haechan asks, to which the three of you nod your head, 

"Alright then we're down too"

[3:04AM 30th, October. ]

A few more minutes left until he'd succeed, Yuta was starting to grow tired of constantly roaming. He'd usually not the one to wear out that quickly, but for a reason unknown to him, he felt utterly sleepy, tired, hungry and just wanted to lie down. He decided to take a small break, the candle still light, dangerously flickering but yet still intact. Yuta sat by the foot of the stairs as Taeyong looked at him with the same cocky smirk on his face, contemplating whether to pop out or not. 'Maybe let's make it subtle? '

Taking up the form of a black humanoid figure, Taeyong makes his way towards Yuta whose eyes seem to be dropping low with each passing second. Upon hearing the sounds of footsteps Yuta looks up, a hand on his forehead from the sudden throbbing headache. Letting out a loud yell at the figure in front of him that disappeared almost immediately, he rushed to grab his lighter again. The sudden temperature drop made him shudder. Taking out the new lighter, he pressed the button again and again as the time limit started to exhaust, 6, at a successful fire, he reached for his candle, only for the flame to go off when it neared the candle wick. "what the fuck.." 5, "come on.." he stated in a rushed voice, sure that he just saw whatever he saw once again. Finally flicking the button one last time, he succeeded in lighting the candle. 

Contrary to popular belief, the midnight man didn't always radiate death. Sometimes he just messes around with the humans because the underworld could get a little boring. And as the curse states death and wrath is only to be faced by those who sinned and the boy playing right now seemed to be of no threat. All Taeyong wanted to do was get the guy to believe in his existence. Skeptics were like an insult to him. So if he had to prove himself and his existence on his own, then so be it. He gets some pretty good experience out of it anyways. 

Yuta stood up immediately, remembering the warning's you'd stated, "Do not stop moving until 3:33am", walking back up the stairs, he took out his phone to check the time, 3:29am. Almost. 

The same sounds of footsteps resonated from behind him, Yuta took an immediate U-turn. Going back down the stairs and roaming the empty, dark hallways, making sure to enter each and every room, keeping a mental note to thank his parents for having a slightly confusing infrastructure. The wax was almost completely out in the glass jar, but he had to hang in there for a little longer than 2 more minutes when he felt something brush his shoulder, much similar to how a friend would drape their hands over his/her friends' shoulder. He could've brushed it off as anything if it weren't for the sharp pain he felt right after the feeling of someone touching him. He's getting the proof he wants. Almost as if someone pulled his hoodie, Yuta stumbled back, letting out a shaky scream, tripping on his own foot, landing butt down onto the floor, catching a glimpse of the same humanoid figure he'd been seeing. He needs to get out of there. 

Stumbling back onto his feet, Yuta bolted it upstairs, grabbing his phone once again to check the time, 3:32am. Reaching his room, he set the candle down right beside him, vary of the windows and doors, starting to back his backpack, the sounds of rushed footsteps running start to where he is ringing through his ears, hands shakingly packing his bag. Keeping the candle closeby, contemplating whether to draw a salt circle or not since there was only less than half a minute left when the same humanoid figure neared him with fast footsteps, reaching by the door frame with a loud agonizing scream only to disappear immediately. 

Not realising the stress of tears flowing and the tresses sticking to his forehead, Yuta looked at the door frame in a perplexed yet confused manner. What the fuck was that. 

Taking out his phone once again while grabbing his backpack, laptop and the car keys in the other hand, 3:34 am. He'd made it through. After reaching the front door, not even bothering to close it, he rushed to his car, starting it before pulling up your contacts, seeing the messages he'd never sent you. 

Yuta san 1:39am: The boys said they won't make it tomorrow, it's gonna be just you and i

Y/nleE 1:43am: Why not? 

Yuta san 1:45am: Dk, they said they aren't interested. So come near xxxx tomorrow at 11:30. I'll meet you there. 

Y/nleE 1:48am: Coolsies. 

Yuta san 3:38am: Y/n don't come here, gather the boys and meet me by Haechan's dorm tomorrow. The game's no fucking joke. 

And with that he started driving away quickly to his dormitory, not once looking back at the house to see a human. Or a human like figure standing there, A bright red hair standing out due to his blood drained looking pale skin. A smirk on his face

Message not delivered. 

31st October, 22:37PM, 2020.

Today was a weird day, 

Having all plan's set two days before, you'd make sure to keep yourself ready for whatever you and your friend group were supposed to do today. You finished up all your assignments earlier that day to keep yourself free from afternoon and on. 

The weird part was that, no matter how much you kept your phone for charge, each time you tried calling one of the guys to ask for the sudden bailing out on plan, which is a shocker because they've never done that, your phone kept switching off. You could've gone all the way to their apartment, well, dorm, but you decided to wait until later to do so. Maybe a few minutes before leaving to the place Yuta texted you so that they'd have no choice but to come along. Since your last time texting with Yuta, you hadn't heard from him. Granted, he did text you quite late at night saying he's going to do god knows what and to tell you of the sudden plan change, but you hadn't heard from him after, that being weird since he literally lives a floor below yours, he could've come any moment but nope. You kept a mental note to tell him off later. 

You took out your phone once again to check if they'd sent any messages or missed calls only to have an empty chat box, other than that of your other friends that is. Added on top of that came the constant pricking feeling on your shoulder blades from the last day you hung out with the boys. The pain would appear randomly and it would be hurtful enough to draw blood, which is weird considering the fact that you kept yourself away from all sharp objects and had a full sleeve covering the area. 

One stone, two birds. Taeyong's motto. 

After having interfered with your phone, your friends, trying to keep you away from them until you'd go through the same as your other skeptic partner, Taeyong made sure that Yuta would be sick enough after returning home to keep him from even getting up from his bed. Temporary paralysis. Your other friends, of course they tried reaching out to you, only for him to cut the service to keep you away from them for a while. They got easily distracted from you ignoring their texts as they were focused on reaching out to Yuta. 

Unknown: Hey Y/n, I'm Yuta's friend. He told me you aren't replying to his texts so asked me to do so. 

Y/n: Who's this? 

Unknown: Oh! I'm Taeyong! A close friend of well, your friend XD. 

Y/n: Nice to meet you, Taeyong. I'm Y/n but it seems like you already know that. 

Unknown: Yeah :). Yuta's on his way here and told me that you'd be joining us? Are you nearby?

Y/n: He left? No, actually, I'm just leaving my place. I guess I'll meet you there? 

Taeyong: Meet ya :)

[23:22PM, 31st October, 2020 continued. ]

Hailing a cab to the address Yuta had sent you with his friends, Taeyong's number saved on your phone in case the later won't pick up, you left your place. Still feeling a little eerie from how Yuta just decided to leave you behind when he could've just offered to go together, which is pure Yuta style. He probably wasn't in the best of moods but he could've at least texted you letting you know of his departure from the apartment building. 

The journey to the given address didn't take that long surprisingly. A little towards the outskirts of the town in a much aloof part but nonetheless, doable. It's not like you'd be alone there any ways. Paying for your fare, you took your purse, brushed your fingers through your hair to tame it a little from the ride, and turned towards the building, jumping slightly at the bright haired guy sitting by the front porch. Adorning the simplest of fit, a black knee slit jeans, with a graphic tee and a black leather jacket with a chain or two. He, in no doubts, was ethereal. His pale skin stood out the most in the street light if you could call it that and his lips seemed a little drained of blood, eyes hollow yet captivating when he looked up from the dirt below him to you who still stood yards away. Smiling, he got up, making his way towards after brushing off the invisible lint from his jeans, "Hey" he offered you his hands for you to shake upon reaching you. "Hey..? Taeyong, right?" 

Wanting so badly to smirk, he only looked down with a silent snicker, looking up immediately to not look suspicious, "Yeah, Y/n..?" you nod in response, shuddering from the coldness of his skin, "Have you been out for too long? You're freezing," you exclaim, looking at him with a guilty expression and taking a mental note to hit Yuta for not arriving earlier. "Oh no, i just reached a minute or two prior to your arrival." you nod in understanding, withdrawing your hands from his hold, "By the way, Yuta called me a few minutes ago, telling me that he wouldn't make it and to just carry on" Taeyong said, looking at you with his eyebrows raised at your confused, innocent expression, his humane form threatening to change into his original form. "What? Why? It's like,-" you look down at your wrist watch, "11:50! And he's bailing out now?", smiling at you in fake sympathy, he replied, "he said he had other things to take care of," "But you said he'd left the place and was on his way here?" you ask, hands on either sides of your hip, "Last minute plan changes" Taeyong shrugs, "Anyways, let's get inside?" 

He pointed towards the front door with both his hands, gesturing you to go forward first. And so you do. You offer him a smile before turning your back towards him and making your way towards the old house, the door seemingly open. Climbing up the stairs with caution, humming at the sound of dried leaves crunching up below your feet with each footstep. Taeyong stood behind where you two had introduced yourselves for a few minutes, a few more minutes. "Taeyong? Are you not coming?" you turn around slightly, looking over your shoulder at lad standing still, "Yeah, I'm coming" he replied soullessly, still standing his group until he saw you open the door ajar and then took his first step forward. Not bothering to go too quick. 

The insides were simple, very very simple yet magnificent. The flooring seemed to be that of wooden finishing that creaked with each step you took, implying that of how old the infrastructure must be. You look around in awe, clutching at the sling bag that you carried along. You go corner to corner, not bothering to look behind to see if the friendly stranger was hot on your trail, instead seemingly being captivated by the olden time-ish wallpapers and paintings and antique pieces that the wall adorned. Taeyong on the other hand was just growing restless, 4 more minutes until he could play his next victim, he was growing frantic. He did follow you inside, instead opting to walk the opposite direction as you, towards where he'd hidden the paper with your crimson blood and name written on it, contemplating whether to just tear it and carry on proving his existence to the female in the room. 3 more minutes, he bit into his lips, "Taeyong? Look, i found something!" He heard you scream.

Puffing out a breath of frustration, Taeyong replied "Coming!" and he walked out of the room, hands in his pocket towards where you stood by the bottom of the stairs, looking at the lighter in your hand that seemed relatively unused. "I found lighter down here" you look at him with a tiny pout evident on your lips, looking back and forth between the candle and the guy, puzzled. "It must be some thugs who came here to smoke or something" He shrugged it off, taking the lighter out of your hand. It must be you over analyzing things but without a single light turned on in the villa with only your flashlight acting as a source of light, but Taeyong looked even more lifeless than before. Eyes dark ebony and dangerous, somehow intimidating, lips adorning a bright shade of red in contrast to how you saw it the first time, and his aura had seemingly darkened. 2 more minutes. You shake your head and walk up the stairs and towards a room which has it's door wide open. Choosing to lay out your things there, you stretch out a few stiff limbs, "So, me and the boys were planning on doing the midnight game, you know. One of those stupid creepy pastas? I can't believe all of them bailed out on me last minute," you speak particularly to no one in the room, assuming that Taeyong was listening to you, whose ears only perked up at the words midnight and stupid. Midnight. 00:00Am. The devil smirked to himself. Midnight, at last. 

"I mean, Yangyang, Jaemin and Haechan came off as no shock to me- they're the other friend's by the way, but Yuta, it's weird for him to at least not let me know." You keep going, scrolling through your phone screen, only for it to load suddenly, No internet access. Sighing, you pull out offline downloads, "Did he tell you anything else? Like if he's feeling unwell or something?" you ask, letting the question float in the air, waiting for a reply. Getting known even after the passing of a few seconds, a minute too maybe, "Taeyong?" you stand up from the bed, well, the bed frame and make your way outside, "Tae?" you look left and right, searching for any moving soul when you feel your phone vibrate in your hands, and the sound of notification resonates through the eerie silence. You look down at the device in your hand, one new message from Yuta san and an immediate black out of the screen. Impossible. 

You remembered full well charging your phone to a hundred percent before leaving your dorm. Hell, you even kept it on airplane mode your whole cab ride. Shrugging it off, you keep your phone beside your bag and then proceed to go out to look for your new friend? acquaintance? You didn't even know how to classify him as yet. "Tae, if you're trying to scare me, I'll give you heads up, it doesn't work on me." you chuckle, walking to the room beside the one you were previously lounging in. "It's past midnight and we both seem too uninterested to try out whatever we were supposed to anyways, how about we just head out?" you start, looking down at your wrist watch which displayed 00:09 on the screen in neon green. "I mean, it was stupid enough that my friends and i even decided to try it out knowing it's some made up shit to scare some seven olds, probably" you continue, feeling as though you're talking to the walls at the lack of response. "Taeyong, come on. I'm growing bored." 

"Tae-" "You know, the way you logicised made it seem like you're smart enough. It was impressive," you hear his voice, a little too hoarse and plain for your liking, he continued before you could muster up a reply, "But seems like you aren't all that smart after all, seeing how you believed a total stranger and are even ready to spend time with him." you look around the place, only hearing his voice but his figure to be nowhere near you, "Taeyong, what are you talking about?" you head out of the room you currently stood in, jogging to catch his voice.

"It was a little angering you know? The way you spoke about me and my followers, it was disrespectful. And I could've taken you then and there, but what to do. You seemed too cute to take your soul without a small game? Is that what you humans call it?" You feel breathing fanning the nape of your neck and a cold air following it right after, making you turn back, "Your friend got his share of play" you whip your head forward, finally seeing the male in front of you, standing by the door frame of a connective hallway, you swore you felt his presence behind you though. His infamous smirk still adorning his features. Figure a little more towering and intimidating. If you thought he couldn't have seemed more lifeless a few minutes ago, then his appearance now only seemed to prove you wrong. "So it's only fair if you got your part of the play too, right?" 

"Taeyong, you're only making your existence weird for me, let's go if you're done." He only tilted his head in amusement, "Oh it's only about to get weirder, darling" You turn back to face a blood red shot eyed male, well, Taeyong, eliciting a gasp from you, you look over your shoulder to see the place where Taeyong stood a blink of eye ago. "How..did-" His chest visibly vibrated from the hearty laugh he let out, "How did I do that?," you step back as his voice dropped even lower, only for you to bump your back into something rigid, something cold, making you let out a yelp as Taeyong seemed to stand still in front of you, "I can do a whole lot of things," you feared turning back, the insides of your stomach hurdling around as whatever was behind you reached their arms up and held you still in a vice grip. "Y/n!" you hear a voice scream from downstairs, "Y/n! Come out! We need to get out of here!" you recognize the voice as that of your friends, Yuta's. 

You squirm hard to loosen the person's grip on your shoulder. Once succeeding, you bolt down the stairs, skipping a few steps, tripping now and then but nevertheless making it down without landing face first as you hear Taeyong's laugh thunder throughout the place. You take a turn to reach the front door, where Yuta stood in all his glory. You immediately run into his embrace, ignoring how his body seemed just as cold as the one you felt from whatever Taeyong was, "Y-yuta, he's sick, let's go, we need to go!" you try pulling Yuta's body a little closer to the exit, only for him to stand his ground, wrapping his hands around you even tighter as he caressed your hair, "Oh, Y/n.." your body goes stiff as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, that sounded nothing like your best friend, "Yuta..?" 

You try pulling your head away from the nape of his neck to look at him, "No darling, it's 'stupid made up shit''," his body vibrated once again from the laughing against yours, as you feel yourself growing scared each passing second. You try mustering up all your strength to bring it to his sides and push him away when you feel a plush yet cold muscle press against your neck, only for it to go futile. "Still made up for you?" you feel a sharp pang of pain flow through your nerves, result of him biting the skin in a manner far too away from soft, "Taeyon-g- lord--midnight man, whatever you are.. I'm --sorry" you say in a hushed voice, scared that if you voiced out a little louder, he'd pounce at you. You feel him nibble at the soft skin, making you whimper, "Oh no, darling, do not apologize. Your doings really intoxicated me. Kept me entertained for a while." 

"But now, it's angering me to know a feeble creature as you kept poking fun at my people. At me. And I want no more than to turn you into something belonging to me. Who'd worship me the way 'my people' do." He whispered against the area, lifting his head up and leaning down, making sure not to let go of his grip on you, "oh no, pretty girls aren't supposed to cry. Tsk tsk, what is this, Y/n" His eyes bore holes onto the crown of your head. "Look at me." he acted on making you look at him faster than you could, "Could you beg for forgiveness? Give me a piece of yourself?" he inched closer to your face, a small snarl escaping his throat at your scared and trembling figure, "Or you could just be my queen and come below with me, and you'd not have to cut down your lifespan" 

"Are you turned on by all of this, Y/n? Or is it out of fear?" you let out a shaky breath as the tip of his nose touched yours, "Because i can smell you from here and oh," he let out what sounded like an animalistic growl, "Is it delicious.". "Taeyong, please let me go.. I'm sorry. I really am, just please don't hurt me,-" you let out a whine of pain when you feel his other hand knot his fingers in your locks and pull it back with much aggression, immediately planting his lips onto your trembling once, bearing his fang like teeth into plush flesh to draw out blood, earning a loud high pitched scream from your end as you try your best to push him away, futile once again. His hands tighten their grip at the waist while his other hand pulled your head further back, latching onto the firm skin of your neck, treating it with the same aggression, puncturing through the skin with his teeth as your hands go limp beside your body, nevertheless, letting out a whimper from the harsh treatment, which, in all your defense couldn't be help since you still are a human with all emotion any human would feel, that including lust. You feel his cold lips curve into a smirk against where blood flowed out, lapping it up with his tongue as you feel your vision blacken the more as time went by. 

"Oh darling you're no different than me.."

4th November, 19:48Pm, 2020.

"She's awake!!" you blink multiple times to get accustomed to the blaring lights in the room, a comfortable white filling your eyesight. You move your head towards the side to find all your friends sprawled out on each side. A drip connected to your hands making you squint in confusion, "Can you hear us, Y/n?" you feel your shoulders being shaken as jolt, "Hey? Yeah i can hear you, why won't i be able to?" you ask, confusion still laced in your voice, "Because you hadn't responded to us the last time we called you. And because you've been laying dead the past few days" Jaemin spoke up first, earning a smack from his elder brother 

"Why didn't you stop when we screamed your name the other day, Y/n? You literally weren't breathing the day we found you" Yangyang inquired and stated, "And why did you leave us all on seen??" Haechan added, "Most of all, where were you even??" Yuta spoke. You hiss at all the questions being thrown at you as you try sitting up by the inclined hospital bed, "Screamed? Didn't respond? I left you on seen? That's highly impossible and where was i??" you stare blankly at the plain wall in front of you, trying to remember any such episode. The more you strained your head, the more clueless you grew. Your throat starts to grow dry so you turn your neck to check if there are any water bottles nearby, only for a sharp pain to flow through your nerves at a particular spot in your throat. You yelp at the sudden pain, "I'll get the doctor," Haechan rushed outside, when you reached out to touch your neck, feeling it with the tips of your finger, feeling in the swollen skin, the dried up blood when it all hit you. Your eyes grow wide as you start shaking, for it to be first noticed by Yuta, "Yuta, that house! The game, it's all real! I saw hi-him, his name! I swear he's real!" growing concerned at your sudden frenzy behavior, Yuta kneeled down beside your bed, holding your non-injected hand giving it a comforting behavior. 

"Calm down, angel. Tell me point by point," he encouraged you to take in a long breath, as Haechan rushed in along with the doctor whose face was half covered with a doctor's mask, "Doctor, he-he's probably out for me, you need to get me far away from here! Please" you beg with your eyes stinging with all the tears, "No one's going to get you from here, Ms. Y/n, you're safe here" You pause your frantic actions for a while. That voice sounded a little too familiar for your liking, making you think you're over analyzing everything again. The doctor gestured to your friends to leave you up to him to have a doctor to patient talk. All of your friends nodded in understanding, giving you one last reassuring smile before collectively leaving the room. 

The doctor, once after making sure that everyone left, removed his mask to reveal the oh so familiar smirk and the hair protector, rustling the same, familiar bright red hair with the same familiar pale fingers of his. Your eyes widen, mouth falls wide ajar

"Oh wait, there's one last warning, Do not assume that the Midnight Man has left your home for good at the conclusion of the game. I'm for real done now" You laugh at your friend who snatched the phone away from you,

"Pleasure to meet you again, darling"

[comradelionheart]

This is where I feel safest.

In the blueness of this site, held in comfort as if under my blanket of soft fur.

No one here will ever know who I am or the people I speak of. No one can find me here. I have a questionable habit of running off to avoid being witnessed when I fail or am in pain, and this is where I run to. It is luckily not a boy this time. Well, it’s sort of that too, but not predominantly.

I haven’t shut G out this time. When I thought I’d lost my shot at the job I deleted my WhatsApp and all other social media, and refused to surface until I was willing to face people again. This isn’t unlike when I graduated college uncertain of what to do with life next and just... vanished. I’d a pretty promising presence on Facebook that could potentially have introduced him and I sooner, but I guess life unravels at its own pace and nothing can force it to go sooner or slower. I’ve grown rather accepting of failures because I have unfortunately grown accustomed to them. It’s almost like I expect to meet with resistance or failure each time something nearly works out and in this case I can’t say I willed it upon myself. I literally tested positive for TB. Which is amusing since those are my ex’s initials, and is yet another TB which seems to be hampering my progress. 

Dry humour is what I’m best at if I’m being my authentic self. I must unfortunately smile and wave because I’m a woman and need to be likeable to get anywhere in my line of work. That isn’t to say I’m a sociopath or hate people. I just wish I didn’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives and feign amusement at their not so novel ideas. Pretty sure I’ve not so novel ideas too, but I don’t need to be indulged for the sake of my (not) fragile ego. Anyhow.

I applied for this job early in the year and didn't expect to hear from them (because the first few years of my work life had me flailing and coping with depression instead of steering my career, and I know I shouldn’t grudge her for this but I do). But I did hear from them. And everything went through. Including 3 rounds of aptitude tests and a personal interview (which I thought I bombed but didn't somehow). Until I tested positive on a skin patch test for TB. Why do these stupid standard sets of tests get prescribed world over? Honestly, if I’m ever supreme leader of anywhere I will ban standardised tests. Not in the way that I say medicine is a sham, not at all, but in the way that WE LIVE IN THE THIRD WORLD AND WILL OF COURSE HAVE TAKEN THE BCG OR HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE BACTERIA AT SOME POINT BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY EVER GOING TO BE ACTIVE SO USE A BETTER AND MORE CONTEXT SPECIFIC TEST INSTEAD OF GIVING ME ANXIETY AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES LIKE THESE, JFC. 😭😭😭

But I’ve taken the other test and that’s also got the drawback of being unable to differentiate between inert and active TB. So I took an HRCT scan. I’m so sick of running around hospitals, there’s a literal virus in the air. But Monday is when I’ll know the medical verdict. And then there’s the whole security check process. I hate when this happens but I’ve lost so much time to grief, I simply cannot sit around moping any longer. 

Earlier this year I interviewed with the **. I was given a verbal confirmation and had a text message implying an offer was made to me, because I received an acknowledgement to my acceptance of an offer. If I was the person I was in 2014, I’d have kicked up a fuss and made sure that offer was honoured, but 2021 me knows that working with bosses who go back on their word slyly and cave to nepotism usually need their cocks sucked. And I’m not only incapable of that, but have also dealt with enough workplace harassment elsewhere to be adamant about a brand at the risk of my mental health. But really, he can go suck it because I have confirmation from staff that he is EVERYTHING I read him to be. I’m not intuitive or anything, I just read people very well because I was hurt so bad by them (repeatedly since childhood) that reading people became a thing I did for survival. My sharp instincts serve me well, but are a trauma response. I am very self aware too, yes.

I then interviewed and got through an NGO that was willing to pay me 24L. I turned it down because the founders were running around like headless chicken with their inability to distinguish PR from Marketing Comms (me) from Marketing for business development. I know I was being paid a lot of money, but I will not kill myself performing all three functions while being acknowledged for just the one on my offer letter. I’ve learned to value my labour capacity and assert myself in the economic and political spheres. 

Personally though? I sometimes still think I’m a romantic pushover.

But this is about work because I need to weep a little before being calm about how this year has treated me. Especially since I’m maintaining a cool demeanour in public and literally hate sharing things I’m burdened with. Idk man, it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’ll get a knife twisted in the spot that's most sore. I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE I HAVE LET G WITNESS ME IN PAIN THIS TIME INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY and will someday file copyright over An Enduring Romantic because that’s very honestly me. But ofc it isn’t going to be the legal Copyright, just the sham notice like the one I’d sent him to up his Instagram game. Or he could just operate my Twitter and I’ll run his gram. It’ll even feel natural.

Sometime around May an environmental journal asked me to come on board. Work from the office at the height of the pandemic with no travel compensation and very little money. I turned them down. Then came II**. Which I again turned down because they wouldn’t pay market rate for skills I’ve perfected in 4 years just because they wanted 8 years experience on paper for my quotation. I will do a lot for causes I love, but I also really enjoy being paid fairly and acknowledged for the value I bring to the table.

Then came the start up in Del. Which I turned down because the uncle running it in his wife’s name expected 24*7 labour availability for 12L with no health insurance.

The latest in my list of things I’ve turned down is the ** Gov. Which I can obviously go back to since my reason for turning it down was another job, but 14 days of leave all year? 7 day work week if needed? Hell no. I enjoy having labour rights. But also when I told the dude I’d be reporting to if I accepted that I cant accept due to covid concerns his reaction was “sure, send me an email so we can start looking for someone else immediately.” Like.... we just had a second wave, what if something was wrong? I wouldn’t risk losing my job because they expect work even if I were hypothetically coughing up blood. So best not to touch with a bargepole. Now I’m less sad, but also really hope the TB results are negative. This job I want and have said yes to ticks off all of the boxes in my head and I will truly be disappointed if I lose it to disease paranoia despite being completely suited and picked for the role 😞

Just to be on the safer side, I have taken one last shot at achieving my goal of ‘learn how political systems work so you know what you’re talking about first hand in that PhD.’ I hope my Plan A works out instead, though.

Since I’ve brought him up in this, it will be interesting to note that a year ago I did the erstwhile unthinkable act of cutting a friend of for attempting to steal a man I love. A year ago to the date, literally. Funny how this year is more calm, but I was maxed out on endorphins from him last year. Until this March even, if I’m being truthful. I don’t regret cutting her off.She crossed a vvvv red line. ALL my other friends are celebrating. They detested her. 

Another thing that happened last year was me letting him know that I only get hotter with time, but along with this work drama I have also had a run in with intense grief which I thought was a mood disorder (because it was intense, I mentioned?), cholesterol, thyroid, sugar addiction and now, le TB (PLEASE BE A FALSE POSITIVE YESU KRISTU HALP). So needless to say, I haven’t been most fabulous and undergone my physical transformation and these mental health struggles (are getting better now) strapped me to my couch along with the pandemic and its many lockdowns. I have also not studied for the GRE because I’m stimulus seeking via social media and fear of sucking at math has kept me locked in place. I still have a lot to work through on this front and would really like to make his cover right too, but my creativity isn't working and I keep fucking it up. I am not as spectacular as I was last year. The separation has also weathered my dazzle out a little and while I’m living with it, I still have small waves of sadness that show up once in a while.

I might have also accidentally flirted with someone into falling for me. It was all fun and games and for my pride, but now I’ve to gently let them down since I’ve cold feet and am chicken. Because I’m as emotionally unavailable as a streetlamp. Is this why they call me a Gurgaoni fuckboi?

[kilyra]

You Shouldn’t Have Come

Eric Northman with Pam cameo (True Blood) One-Shot

A/N:  Well, absolutely no one directly requested this, but I’m carrying on with the Eric Northman arc because I love him, I’m trash, and this is my offering - so this is following “You Will”, “You Did, Sweetheart”, and “You a Fangbanger, now?”.

When Eric stops showing up, you decide you want answers...a decision you quickly regret.

Warnings:  Bit of violence. But considering the source...not really. I do have some Swedish between Pam and Eric and I just used Google Translate, so if you know the language and can send me corrections, please do! No spoilers though (I myself am only on S3 or 4, so this is an early Eric style fic…also, please don’t send me any spoilers).

If you want to be on my tag lists, (all or just a character) just let me know! (Credit for this amazing gif goes to @bonniebird​. Thank you SO much!)

Tightly gripping the steering wheel of your truck, you stared at Fangtasia's surprisingly empty parking lot for what felt like an eternity. The recent shadow over your life, Eric Northman, finally stopped coming around. In your head, you knew that was a good thing…but you only realized he wasn't there after you spent several nights awake. Waiting. You told yourself it was to get answers but your disappointment grew each night.

And, suddenly, you found yourself on the road.

For the entire drive, you managed to ignore the rational voice that said going to his nightclub was stupid. Dangerous even. It wasn't until you were actually there that the doubt truly crept in.

Pressing yourself against the back of your seat, you looked over at the simple, red neon sign. Coming might be stupid but...it was also stupid to come this far and just drive away again. Right?

Letting out a long sigh, you finally dragged yourself out of the cab and closed the door with a little extra force than usual. It was maybe four whole steps before you hesitated again.

This was stupid. Go home.

Growling to yourself, you turned on your heel towards the truck. And that's when you heard it.

There was a soft rustle of fabric and as you turned back, you saw three...men...standing between you and the bar. Tilting his head, the one in the centre frowned as he cooed. “Aww, leaving so soon?”

You shouldn't have come.

Your stomach jumped to your throat and every muscle in your body tightened. A quiet terror tore through you as you wordlessly stepped backward toward your truck. Digging for your keys, your hands shook so hard, you doubted you could get them out nevermind unlock the damn truck.

As you watched, they all grinned but the tallest man in the centre became...blurry.  A dark shape flew towards you, suddenly darkening your vision. Gasping, you scrambled back but strong hands clasped your shoulder in an iron grip.

“Hey now, baby, we just want to have a little fun.” The voice was in your ear and you realized he was leaning into you, his shoulder blocking your view of the others. But you could still hear them laugh.

Fighting the black spots that were pulsing across your vision, you threw your weight back, refusing to faint. Panic drenched every fibre of your being as he effortlessly held you in place, his fangs glistening in the streetlight. Twisting against his powerful grasp, your attempts at escaping immediately grew feral, and you started shouting incoherently.

You – you really shouldn't have come.

Just as you managed to see past the vamp's arm, another blurred figure streaked across the parking lot. One of the onlookers was jerked off his feet and slammed into the other, both of them falling in a heap. The dark shape flew towards you and with a deep growl, your attacker seemed to disappear.

Taking a ragged breath, a new scream caught in your throat as you lurched back from your sudden freedom. Roughly crumpling on the pavement, pain shot up your spine as you fought to get your feet under you. But a loud crunch caught your attention.

Freezing, you glanced back to your truck in time to see it rock along its edge. It settled back on its tires with a wide dent smashed into the side. But there was nothing there.

Before you had a chance to react, a new hand gripped your arm, lifting you to your feet. Desperately pulling away, you looked up at the attacker. Only it wasn't him. It was Eric Northman.

Towering above you and staring ahead, he was a flawless marble statue in the pale moonlight. In your surreal moment of terror, he appeared to you like a god in a peasant's dream and for a second, everything felt still.

Dropping his arm across your chest and tucking you back a step, he watched the two vampires who were back on their feet. With their fangs out and lips curled back in a snarl, they were glaring as though they could kill with just their stares. From beside Eric, you finally saw the third vampire limping towards his friends. He was clearly seething but giving you a wide berth.

As the men sized each other up, a heavy feeling of dread tugged at your limbs. You didn't belong here. Peaceful co-existence was a sick joke that humans bought into because they really didn't have a choice. This seconds-long shoving match showed you they had the unnatural power to wipe humanity off the face of the earth with the smallest of efforts if they chose. What hope was there, really, against a creature that moved too fast for your eyes to track?

“I'm feeling generous. Convince me to let you leave here in one piece.” Eric's dangerously low voice violently pulled you from your spiralling thoughts.

The ones across from you exchanged looks as they shifted between their feet. The third joined them, hunching slightly as a glimmer of anger shone in his eyes. He was the one that spoke for the group. “We were just...playing.”

“You were attacking a human...my human...in the open, on my property.”

My human​​?

Their glares softened as the words rolled through your mind. What did that even mean?

To them, it seemed to mean something serious as the spokesman straightened and spread his hands apart. The fact that it was three against one didn't bolster them as they backed down immediately. Maybe it was because of some unwritten rules, or maybe they were aware of just how easily Eric tossed each of them around already. “Yours?”

“Mine. Not to be touched.” Cold waves of fury rolled off him, but somehow his calm facade remained unchanged.

“W-we didn't know.”

“But you did know you were on Fangtasia property – a place I have publicly declared to be safe for our kind and humans alike. And the last thing I need is idiots like you getting the attention of law enforcement and putting me under further investigation.” There was a perfect mixture of irritation and disgust in his tone as he delivered his short lecture.

Again, the quiet pair nervously glanced at each other. Their fangs were no longer out. The taller one didn't take his eyes off Eric as he quickly nodded. "Sorry...we're sorry. Please, just...we'll leave now."

Eric's focus slowly moved between each vampire, each shrinking slightly under his scrutiny. Lowering his chin, he levelled his stare at the leader. “That would be wise.”

All you felt was a blast of air as you saw blurry streaks rush from the parking lot. A wave of relief rushed over you when you realized there wasn't going to be a fight. No matter who won, how long could a paper doll last in the midst of fighting titans?

As you worked to not sink to your knees, you looked up at Eric who was still watching over the empty area. Your mind scrambled for something to focus on. “M-mine? What does that mean?”

He was quiet for a moment longer before finally looking down at you. Nothing in his features relaxed as his eyes scanned over your face. “It means your stupidity won't get you killed tonight.”

Any relief you felt was quickly swallowed by confusion and anger before drowning in another surge of fear as he grabbed your arm. Without another word, he marched across the parking lot with you in tow, firmly gripping above your elbow.

Digging in your heels didn't slow him but you felt the bruise forming under his fingers as he continued and you were forced to catch up. He hadn't even flexed his hand.

You wanted to go home. It was hard to breathe through the desperation bursting in your chest, and the horror of being pulled inside Fangtasia made it worse.

Soon, you were led through the dim bar with music so loud that it forced patrons to lean in close to talk. The sexual tension could be cut with a knife but all you felt was terror for the people flirting with the wolves. You wanted to scream at them to run, to get back to their homes and not invite anything in. They weren't playing equal parts in some sexy game, they were merely being allowed to live.

As Eric pulled you into a side hall, you caught his throat working as he heavily swallowed. “How much fear can a human have before the heart gives out?”

Ice gripped your chest. Was that...some sort of threat? You managed to find your voice, as shaky as it was. “W-what?”

Squeezing his eyes closed for a second as you stopped outside a door, he exhaled softly. “Just...take a breath. You're safe now, you can relax.”

As he opened the door, a woman swivelled in her chair to shoot him a passive look of disinterest. Brushing her blonde hair back over her shoulder, her eyebrow arched as her gaze passed over you. Looking back at him, her blood-red lips twisted into an amused grin. "Got yourself a plaything have you?"

Guiding you towards the couch on along the wall of the stark office, he only let go once you were left with no option but to sit. You would have been insulted, but you were numb to anything other than blind fear. Running was pointless, you knew that. But that's all you wanted to do. Not even the irrational attraction you had to Eric after the dreams started could penetrate the wall of horror. For the first time in weeks, you didn't feel any pull towards the vampire. He claimed you were safe, but the short display in the parking lot was the reality check you had needed. He wasn't human. How could you actually be safe?

“No Pam, I haven't. Leave us.” Eric waved his hand towards the hall as he leaned against the desk to face you.

Rising from her chair, Pam didn't seem in a hurry to leave. “A pet then? That can be a lot of fun, you'll see.”

“Leave us...now.”

“Du är inte kul,” she sighed with a soft pout as she moved towards the door.

His eyes flickered to hers as he offered the faintest of fleeting smiles. “Är jag någonsin?”

Pam's light laugh lingered as she left the room. His icy eyes settled on you as the door clicked shut. “You would run into less trouble if you were visibly mine.”

Instinctively, your hand covered your neck as the bottom dropped out of your stomach. “Don't bite me. I don't...I don't want that.”

The edge of his eyebrow lifted as he openly let his eyes wander down to your throat. Smirking at your hand, he looked back up at you. “My asking is just a courtesy. I could just...mark you.”

Despite the dull panic that throbbed through your body, you felt a lick of heat down your spine. Gritting your teeth against the shiver, you tightened your hand over your neck. “Then I guess I'm lucky you're so courteous.”

With a final chuckle, he let his smirk die away, taking all traces of good humour with it. “Tell me why you came.”

“It doesn't matter.” The thick words came out in a forced mumble.

“That wasn't a question,” he said flatly. His stare intensified as he tilted his head and waited for a reply.

They can glamour. The realization stabbed deep in your gut and you immediately dropped your eyes down to your lap. Your racing pulse forced dizzying spikes through your body as you tried to think. “It really doesn't matter. I-I had questions. Why did you keep coming around and then...why you stopped but..now I only care about how I can get back home alive.”

At the edge of your view, you saw his feet move as he crossed them and settled back on the desk. "You're not entirely defenseless, you know. Stake through the heart, silver, sunlight...all very effective against my kind. We're especially vulnerable when we sleep since we sleep like the dead."

Your eyebrows pulled together as you looked back up at him, forgetting about the danger of being glamoured. “Why...why are you telling me this?”

Casually drawing his shoulder up in a lazy shrug, he finally stopped studying you, letting his gaze drift over the room. “Because knowledge is power and feeling empowered can alleviate fear. And I would appreciate being able to think clearly again.”

As he finished, his eyes were back on you and you felt heat rising to your cheeks. “I don't understand...you can feel my...”

Nodding slowly to your fragmented sentences, he finally spoke over you. “Yes. When you took my blood, it formed a...bond, if you will. I did it to better keep track of you in case Sookie's fears were realized, but it also results in me feeling your emotions – particularly strong ones.”

For the first time since you left your truck, you felt the tension in your shoulders relax as your heart stopped trying to pound its way out of your chest. You didn't think to question why that was a comfort.

Eric let a soft sigh escape through his nose but seemed otherwise unaffected as he continued. "I stopped coming because, as you pointed out, there was no danger. Isn't that what you wanted?"

His eyes searched yours as though he were looking for answers. Suddenly self-conscious, you realized you were still clutching your neck. Hastily, you dropped your hand as everything churned.

Was that what you wanted? You couldn't think clearly...you couldn't think at all. Darting your tongue over your dry lips, your words came out haltingly when you finally spoke. “I...I just want to go home.”

Time seemed to slow as his stare lingered. A confusing flutter joined the churning in your chest as the moment stretched on until he finally nodded. “Pam.”

The door opened, revealing Pam standing in the entrance as though she had been there the entire time. Her lifted eyebrow was her only reply as she strode into the room.

“Please see to it that Y/n returns home safely.”

Rushing to your feet, you squeezed past her towards the door. Towards your freedom. You didn't even want to risk a look back. “It's fine, I can get myself home.”

Without seeing her, you could hear the amused purr in Pam's tone. “There, you see? It’s fine.”

As you hurried from the room, Eric's growl fell on your ears. “Sedan följer du, Pam.”

Her irritated sigh was the last thing you heard before the music from the club drowned everything out. You didn't care what else you missed as you rushed out of Fangtasia – all that mattered was getting to your truck. It was safety. Deeply dented safety. You could only truly exhale once you were locked into the cab and you were beyond grateful when it roared to life just fine.

Blissfully unaware of the fact that Pam had been ordered to follow you home, you felt nothing but relief as you drove away.  Relief and...well...more confusion...

My human?

Swedish translations...I think: 1) “You’re no fun” 2) “Am I ever?” 3) “Then you follow, Pam”

Taglist:  @foreverfaeries  @flower-two  @getlostinyourparadise   @selfishkiddo  @angelicshinigami  @pansmexualparker  @thatchampagnebitch @mysteryoflovve  @edweirdoddlepot  @divadinag  @crazy-fandom-girl1  @givemeabite @breanime @shondlenoodle @hermionesalvatore84   @dyingformyships   @divadinag  @dreamers-wonderland

[dakotacrisis]

Deal’s End (8)

I'll always love you and make you happy If you will only say the same But if you leave me and love another You'll regret it all some day

-You Are My Sunshine by Jimmie Davis

(Read on AO3)

---

Marinette didn’t see Felix again before she went to bed. Her confusing thoughts from earlier only grew with his absence. Before when the thought of him leaving had felt bittersweet the idea that she wouldn’t be able to talk to him again hurt deep in her chest now. She liked Felix. She liked being around him and having fun with him. She liked talking with him and walking home with him.

Perhaps this was a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Wanting your demonic roommate to stay with you because you now see them as a friend. She doubted that anyone else could relate to her though. And she couldn’t talk to anyone about this since no one knew of Felix’s true nature. She was stuck alone in a dark room with her racing thoughts and heavy heart.

Maybe...maybe he could visit after he left. She hadn’t heard Felix mention that he was confined to Hell unless he was summoned. Maybe he would be able to pop up once in a while to say hi. They could grab lunch...play a game of Mecha Strike.

“UGH!” She buried her face in her pillow. Why was she getting so worked up about this now? Yeah she kinda saw Felix as her friend but there was no use worrying about life after he was gone when he was still very much in her life.

But for how much longer though? Once she was Adrien’s girlfriend Felix would be gone.

She forced the thoughts out of her head. This was not the night to worry about this. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

The next day was a lazy day spent inside. The weather had taken a bad turn and a torrential downpour soaked the city. Marinette spent it in her room catching up on work and reorganizing. Pretty much anything to keep her mind busy and off of the looming worries for the future. Felix had reappeared in the morning though he was far quieter than usual. He mainly kept off to the side scribbling stuff down in his notebook. Randomly he would tear a page out and burn the paper instantaneously in his hand before starting again.

Marinette had asked what he was doing to which he gave a vague answer of ‘stuff.’ She tried to peek over his shoulder but he hid the page from view. “Nosy girl.”

“Why won’t you let me see what you’re doing?” Marinette asked.

“It’s none of your business.”

“Will you show me if I get you eclairs?” she smiled as the bribe hit its mark.

He looked up at her, his eyes widened at the promise of chocolatey foods. “How many eclairs?”

“As many as it takes for you to show me what’s on that paper.”

“I want ten eclairs and one of those red velvet cupcakes from the bakery.”

“Okay.” Marinette started heading downstairs. “It better not be something stupid!”

She grabbed the snacks from the bakery and went back up for the trade. She held out the box to Felix who reluctantly swapped it with his notebook. On the page was the start of a rough sketch hunched over a table. “You draw?” Marinette smiled as she took in the new information. “I didn’t know that about you.”

“It helps pass the time.” He shrugged as he downed another eclair.

She looked closer at the figure trying to figure out what he was going for from the rough outline. Then she saw the pigtails to the back of the hunched figure’s head. The box on top of the table...it was a sewing machine. Felix had been drawing her work.

She wanted desperately to ask why but figured it was for the best she not let on she knew it was her he was drawing and handed the notebook back. “It’s very good.”

“I’ve barely started.”

“Yeah but I can tell.” She plucked the half eaten eclair out of his hand. “That being said try not to get crumbs all over my chaise.”

“That was mine!” He made a pathetic grab for the bite of eclair she held.

“Not anymore.” She popped it into her mouth. “That was a nice break but I need to get back to work.” She sat down at her machine and picked up where she had left off. She wanted to talk to him about what happened last night but thought it better for another day. Or maybe she was too scared of what answer he would give to ask.

The rest of the day passed by without incident and with it their weekend off came to a close. Monday was upon them and so was Felix’s vigor to throw Marinette head first into situations with Adrien. She had gotten better at handling the sudden interactions. Maybe spending more time together had finally neutralized her utter terror of being alone with him cause now she could talk to him almost normally. Heck, she was even cracking jokes!

“So did you want to hang out after school?” Marinette asked Adrien.

“I’d like to but I got a photoshoot today.” Adrien sighed, “Maybe next time.”

“Oh okay.” Marinette smiled despite her disappointment. She went to Felix with a small shake of her head. “He said he has a photoshoot and can’t hang out. His dad must have penned it in last minute because I had no idea.”

“That sucks.” Felix paced the back of the classroom. “But you look really good today and you have confidence in talking to him. I don’t want to waste either of those.”

“But he’s going to be working and there’s no way his dad is going to let him out of it. Let’s just go home and try again tomorrow.” Marinette stared down at her toes. “This is kinda fortuitous cause I wanted to talk to you about the other night--”

“Wait! I got it!” Felix grabbed her and pulled her out into the hall. Everyone was filtering out of the school building including Adrien. “Do you know where the photoshoot is?”

“Uh, the weather is nice and summer is on the way so they’re probably doing a summer shoot in the park. Why?”

“Cause we can still work with this. Follow me!” Felix dashed out of the school with Marinette shortly behind. Sure enough they got to the park and the shoot was being set up.

“Okay, we’re here.” Marinette panted as she caught her breath. “What now? You’re just going to walk onto the set?”

“That was the plan.” Felix started walking towards the workers. Adrien’s security guard stopped them from getting closer to the set.

“Excuse me sir,” Felix said, “Could you move aside? We’re here for the photoshoot.”

The bodyguard remained in place. “You see, I am one of the models working today so I kinda need in.”

The bodyguard nodded and moved out of the way. Felix pulled Marinette through. “Felix, you’re not a model.” She whispered.

“Harsh, I think I’m pretty good looking.”

“That’s not what I meant. You are literally not a model employed by Gabriel Agreste. How long do you expect that excuse to work?”

“As long as possible. Demon powers, remember?”

“Right!” Marinette had almost forgotten. “So we’re okay?”

“We are golden.” They celebrated their little infiltration before Adrien noticed they were there.

“Hey guys,” He greeted them, “What are you two doing here?”

“I got called in last minute to fill in for a sick model.” Felix lied smoothly.

“Oh, I had no idea you were a model too.” Adrien breamed instantly taken in by the lie.

“Minor. It helps pay the bills.” Felix shrugged. “I hope you don’t mind that I brought Marinette. Seeing as how she loves fashion so much.”

“Not at all.” Adrien waved to her, “Guess we get to hang out after all.”

“You two have fun I need to find wardrobe.” Felix wandered off. Wait, was he actually going to do the shoot?

“Did you know Felix was a model?” Adrien asked Marinette.

“I didn’t have a clue until he dragged me over here.” She said. She looked over Adrien’s outfit. White tee shirt with blue pants and tan shoes. “I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that this is part of the ready made summer collection you’re dad’s putting out this summer?”

“That it is. What do you think?”

“I would kill to be able to work with grade A material like this all the time.” Marinette sighed as she felt the cottony texture of his sleeve. “I just blew all my money buying organza for a dress I’m making.”

“Oh really? Were you commissioned or is it just for yourself?”

“For myself. It’s a sheer overlay that is supposed to sorta party wear with a low-key formal vibe.”

“How far have you gotten?”

“Pretty far actually. I started pinning it together on my dress form not too long ago. I’m using strips of silver ribbon to sew onto the hem and make a little criss cross pattern across the bust. The most nerve wracking part was that I decided to make it a high-low silhouette and I knew I only had one shot to cut it correctly so I am so relieved it’s turned out okay.”

“I hope to see it one day.”

“Hello, I am back,” Felix joined the once more. “Now, I know I look amazing but neither of you swoon in my presence.”

“Oh yeah, you look so good.” Marinette rolled her eyes before she finally actually looked at him. The sarcastic remark turning bitter as she realized that he did in fact look pretty darn good in the outfit they had put him in. It wasn’t anything special, a blue button up shirt with white pants and brown shoes. What struck Marinette was that the whole time she’d known Felix all she had ever seen him wear was primarily reds and blacks. This was the first time she had seen him in something so light.

“Something on your mind, love?” Felix smirked at her when he caught her staring.

“Shut it.” she tweaked his nose. “But I will say you do look...what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Devilishly handsome?” Felix suggested.

“I was gonna say, angelic.” Marinette smirked right back at him.

“Oh really?” Felix gaped at her with an open smile, “Alright, if that’s how you want to play this.”

“Is this an inside joke I’m not understanding?” Adrien asked clearly confused as to why Marinette’s compliment had been met with such good natured disdain.

“Yeah.” Marinette laughed. “I won’t bother trying to explain. It’s a long story and you’d really have to be there to understand it.”

One of the assistants ran past the three teenagers and pulled the photographer away. That was weird. A minute later the photographer came back with a pained expression. “Something wrong, Giuseppe?” Adrien asked.

“The female model for the shoot is sick and can’t make it. We will have to reschedule the entire shoot if we cannot find another model to take her place.” The photographer rubbed his temples.

“I have a suggestion,” Felix spoke up. He cast a wicked sideways glance towards Marinette. Oh he had better not! “Our friend Marinette here isn’t half bad looking. Could she fill in?”

“Felix!” She warned, “I’m not a model. I couldn’t possibly--”

“Oh please, mademoiselle,” The photographer begged. “It is a small shoot after all. Could you fill in just this once?”

“I don’t--”

“You should do it.” Adrien encouraged. “I think you’d make a great model.”

“Well…” She looked back at the manic photographer and sighed. “Okay.”

“Perfecto! Ladies!” He shouted for the stylists. “Get this girl through make up and wardrobe now!”

Marinette was carted off and put into a small tent area to change. She sat in a chair as the stylists quickly but masterfully did her hair and make up before kicking her out onto the set. Unlike the boys were sporting white and blue, Marinette was dressed in a soft yellow sundress that floated around her gently in the breeze.

“There she is!” The photographer pushed her out to where the two boys were already staged. “Now, the look for this shoot is that you two boys are the sky and clouds and our pretty girl here is the bright sun between you. Dewy smiles, relaxed positions, I want you three to move around naturally so we can get some natural shots.”

The boys seemed to understand immediately what they were supposed to do but Marinette stood in the middle stiff as a board. Why had she let them talk her into this? It was probably Felix influencing them with his powers to let them agree to this.

“Darling,” The photographer locked eyes with her, “Can you please move around and give us a smile, hm?”

“Oh right,” She put on a smile and tried to copy what the boys were doing but she just felt ridiculous. The boys noticed her struggling and suddenly she was being spun around really fast by Felix.

“Whoa!” She almost stumbled but was caught by Adrien. “Sorry!”

“It’s okay. Loosen up,” Adrien gave her a slower spin, “This is supposed to be fun.”

“Fun.” Marinette took a deep breath, “I can do that.”

After that things went smoother. It didn’t feel so much like posing but messing around with two friends. At one point both of the boys picked her up so she was sitting in the air with arms around either of them. The photographer really liked that shot.

“Alright,” The photographer set the camera down, “Signore Adrien, you are done for the day.”

“This was a lot of fun.” Adrien turned to Marinette and Felix. “These shoots can be pretty boring but having you guys here was so much better. Hopefully I’ll get to work with you again sometime.”

“It was fun after I got used to it.” Marinette said, “But I gotta say I think I prefer making clothes instead of modeling them.”

“Darling, Signore,” The photographer waved to the teenagers, “If you two could come back to set. I wanted to get some shots of just the two of you.”

“Who? Us?” Marinette pointed to her and Felix.

“Yes, it is time for Signore Adrien to head home but you two have such good chemistry. That is if you do not have anywhere to be.” The photographer said.

Good chemistry…

“I don’t have anywhere else to be.” Felix looped an arm around Marinette, “And I know you don’t. How about it?”

“Uh sure.” Marinette said bye to Adrien before joining Felix back on the set.

“The model lie work a little too well?” Marinette asked under her breath so only Felix could hear.

“I can’t help it that we look good.” Felix responded. “Also, you’re now going to grace magazines and media dressed like a ray of sunshine and sandwiched between two extremely attractive fellas. Do you have any idea how envious people are gonna be of you?”

“I don’t want people to envy me. I just wanted to have a fun time with my friends.” Marinette sighed. “But a little exposure in any way can help down the line.”

“Friends?” Felix paused his posing for a second to stare at her.

“Yeah.” Marinette grabbed his hand and stretched to twirl him. “We are friends...aren’t we?”

Felix smiled once more and picked Marinette up and spun her around. A surprised laugh leapt out of her throat as she spun the air in his arms. “Felix!”

“And to think you wanted to get rid of me!” He laughed too. “No take backs either, love.”

“Put me down!” Marinette playfully swatted him on top of his head. He set her back on her feet as she tried to slow the spinning of her head. “You are so dramatic.”

“Well I’m sorry. You don’t get a whole lot of friends where I’m from.” He held Marinette straight so she didn’t sway. “I got a little excited.”

“Obviously.” She ruffled his hair. “Which means you’ll need to come visit after you leave.”

“Leave?” Felix looked confused for a moment before the understanding parted the clouds in his mind. “Oh yes, of course.”

“You will be able to come back and visit, won’t you?” Marinette pressed. Felix gave her a sad look.

“Marinette…”

“I think we have it!” The photographer stepped forth waving his camera excitedly. “Your pictures were perfection, darlings! The expressions so sincere! The poses and body language between you so natural! These will grace magazines and billboards all across Paris!”

“Oh great,” Felix nodded. “Does that mean we are free to go now?”

“Yes,” The photographer stepped aside to let them go get changed. “And if either of you want to make a career out of modelling I know a wonderful agency that would take the both of you in a heartbeat.”

“Thank you, sir.” Marinette stayed to look at a couple of the photos he had taken before going to change.

She was in the middle of pulling her pants back on when Felix popped his head in. “Hey are you--” he noticed her stooped over with her pants around her ankles and snorted. “Are those dumplings on your underwear?”

“GET OUT!” Marinette hiked her pants up and chased him out of the dressing room forgetting her shoes and bag behind her. She chased Felix around the park in her bare feet. “You are so dead!”

“This isn’t very friendly behaviour!” he shrieked as he ran from her.

“Neither is what’s gonna happen when I catch you!” Marinette let out a hysterical laugh as they played their game. Questions she had and answers she feared still sat in her mind but she let them alone for now. She didn’t know how much longer she was gonna have this with Felix and she wanted to make it last while it did.

---

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (9)

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(tagged)

@sannsibarr @miss-mysterys-blog @maribug-adrienoir @mermaidreject @corabeth11 @goblinwhoships @symwinter  @yourgeekysister

[dragonsaphirareads]

I Am Creativity (Chapter 1/5)

Crossposted on AO3 under the same name!

“I knew you were insane but this is just ridiculous, Remus.”

 “Aww, c’mon, I thought you liked my ideas!”

 “This hardly counts as an idea - more like a suicide mission.”

 “I’m more powerful than you think, Dee. I can handle my brother!”

 “Don’t try and fool me. You’ve been losing power for weeks, what makes you think now is a good time for this stupid plan?”

 “Deceit’s right - you need to wait until you have your strength back! I could step in and make Thomas tired so you’d be able to play with his nightmares!”

 “Come on, you two, I’m Creativity! This idea will work, I can guarantee it!”

 “You’ll be endangering Thomas. I can’t allow you to do this right now.”

 “Well, it’s a good thing you can’t stop me then! This doesn’t have to do with Thomas knowing anything, so you’re out of your element here!”

 “Argh... Obsession, say something, this cannot happen!”

 “...You’re going to lose, Remus. You realize that, right?”

 “I’ll do my best!”

 It was a quiet day in the mindscape. For once, the sides felt content. There were no huge issues in Thomas’s life that needed addressing, and they were able to spend some quality time together in the common area. Patton was flitting about in the kitchen, baking a fresh batch of cookies. Virgil was curled up in his chair and half asleep, warm and comfortable from lunch. Logan had a new book he was already halfway through, and Roman had a fresh script in his hands, already covered in his scrawling, curly handwriting. 

 Of course, it wouldn’t be a day in the mindscape if something didn’t come to cause trouble. Specifically, this “something” came bouncing down the shadowy hallway that lead to the dark sides’ territory, his steps loud and obnoxious.

 “Oh Roooomaaaaaan~” He called out in a singsong voice, putting those in the common room immediately on edge. Virgil shot up out of his chair and was on his feet in an instant, vaulting over the side of the couch to put himself between the newcomer and Roman. Patton froze, a tray of steaming cookies in his hands. Logan sighed, bookmarking his place and closing his book with a snap, standing and facing Remus calmly. 

 The darker side of creativity waltzed right up to the couch, completely ignoring the defensive positions Virgil and Logan had taken. He stared right past them, grinning widely at his brother. “Roman!”

 The prince sighed, not looking up from his script. Over the past few months, he’d grown less scared of his brother. Now, he was just a minor nuisance, even though his friends seemed to think otherwise. “What do you want? I’m busy, I don’t have time to mess around.”

 “Aww, the great prince Roman doesn’t even have time to play a game with his only brother? And I came all this way!” Remus pouted, putting his fists on his hips. Roman glanced up, eyebrows raised. 

 “A game? What are you talking about?” Remus grinned again at Roman’s question, and he spread his arms out widely.

 “Why, none other than a duel of our minds! Just like old times! You do still remember how to play, don’t you?”

 Roman squinted at him, putting down his script carefully on the coffee table. “Of course I do, I came up with it! But you haven’t wanted to play since you left, why are you showing your mustached mug now?”

 “Whaaat, I can’t request a friendly game?”

 Virgil stepped forward, getting in Remus’s face and sneering. “No, you can’t. Roman isn’t interested in playing any of your sick, twisted games. Now get out of here before we make you!”

 “This doesn’t concern you, emo.” Remus said it with a smile, but his voice was cold. “Besides, you should hear me out. I think you’ll like this idea very much.”

 Finally, Roman stood and walked over to his brother, crossing his arms and straightening his back to try and force any extra height he could. “Just tell me what you want.” Roman said, wanting to just listen to whatever bad idea his twisted brother had come up with and get it over with. 

 The dark side grinned, flourishing his arms and putting his chin in his hand. “We’re both Creativity, aren’t we? But lately, Thomas doesn’t seem to need both of us. One would be more than enough. So, I’ve got a bet for you, my brother. We play our old game, by our rules, and whoever wins gets to be Thomas’s one and only Creativity! Sounds like a pretty good deal, doesn’t it?”

 Virgil spluttered, holding a protective arm out in front of Roman. “No deal, you sneaky rat. Roman is already Thomas’s creativity, and he’s got nothing to gain and nothing to prove to you!”

 “Virgil—“ Roman tried to say.

 “I bet this is just another one of Deceit’s plans that you’re tagging along with, isn’t it? Well you can count us out, we’re not gonna play along with anything you want!”

 “While I appreciate the credit, I’m not responsible for Remus’s actions this time around.” A smooth voice came from the dark hallway, and the sides whipped around to see Deceit and another shadowy figure lurking behind him. The snake had his arms crossed, and an uncharacteristic scowl across his face. “Let’s go, Remus.”

 Remus giggled.

 “He thinks this is a bad idea. But I didn’t ask your opinion, did I?” Remus sneered towards his fellow dark side, to which he received rolled eyes. Patton winced, putting the tray of cookies down and pulling off his oven mitts slowly.

 “You’re... not behind him being here?” He asked cautiously. Deceit shook his head, and behind him the other dark side snickered. 

 “Oh no, I’m perfectly alright with sending one of my friends off when it’s certainly going to get them killed, I do it every week!” Deceit answered sarcastically, staring straight at Remus. 

 “You have such little faith in me, I’m hurt!” Remus put a hand over his chest dramatically. Then he turned back to Roman, grinning madly. “C’mon, if Deceit thinks I’ll lose then I’ve got no chance! One game, Roman, and I’ll be out of your hair forever.”

 Roman stared at his brother. His eyes were wide and teeth showing. On someone else perhaps it would look innocent, but not with Remus. He just looked wild. His own mind was racing, trying to figure out what in the world he wanted. 

 He knew he had everything to lose in this wager. Thomas already considered him his “main” creativity, even after learning about Remus’s existence. His host had been happier than ever with his contributions, and he knew that losing this game would mean losing everything for Thomas. He could only guess what Remus would turn his channel into if given the chance. 

 There was very little Roman could gain from this. If he could trust his brother’s word - which he knew he could, the one good thing about him was that he never lied - that would mean Remus would disappear. He wouldn’t show up when he wasn’t wanted, he wouldn’t make a fuss. He would stop messing with Roman’s ideas and leave Thomas alone for good from his unpleasant idea of ‘creativity’. 

 For some reason, that thought made him angry. He opened his mouth to tell him off, to tell him to go back to his dark cave and leave him alone. 

 “Roman, don’t you dare!” Virgil growled. The prince looked at him, nose wrinkled. Virgil really thought he’d be stupid enough to take this obvious bait? Sure, he was reckless, but even he wasn’t dumb enough to--

 “Aww, would you look at that Roman? Your friends think you’re so weak you can’t even defeat little old me in a game you created! Maybe they’re right though, it has been a long time, I might actually be stronger than you!”

 “Excuse me?!” Roman screeched. 

 “Roman!” Logan warned, his tone steely. He and Virgil both tried to hold out their arms to block him, but Roman stormed past them, getting up in his twin’s smirking face. 

 “You are not and have never been better at creating than I am! I could beat you with both arms tied behind my back!” Roman immediately regretted his words as his brother’s smile grew, and he heard three collective groans from around the room. 

 “Ooh, kinky~ Why don’t we put that to the test, then?” Remus waved his hand, and suddenly Roman found himself in the middle of a sunny field, squinting against the harsh light. Virgil and Logan landed unsteadily, and Patton stumbled and fell in a heap with a soft ‘oof’. A few steps away, Remus stood with the other dark sides behind him, who were trying to regain their balance as well. 

 The Imagination. Roman swallowed. Shit, this was not what he’d meant to happen.

 “So, dear brother of mine, we’re here! We just need to get you ready!” Remus grinned, waving his hand again and conjuring a length of rope and hanging it from his fingers lazily. Roman’s eyes widened, and he took a step back, trying to keep his voice strong. 

 “I said I could beat you with my arms behind my back, I never said I would! Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to see you beaten with me limiting myself like that? Don’t worry, I won’t go easy on you, so you’ll have an excuse ready when I win.” Roman tried not to notice Deceit’s eye twitching behind Remus. Curse him and his ability to detect lies.

 The dark side of creativity rolled his eyes but let the rope drop, where it disappeared once it hit the ground. He looked vaguely disappointed, but shrugged. 

 “You're no fun! Fine, it doesn’t matter. Your dull creations are no match for me, handicap or no. I’ll give you a few minutes to set your friends up with a viewing platform. I know they’ll want to watch as I beat your sorry butt into the ground!” He said with a laugh and a shoulder wiggle. 

 Roman watched him for a moment before he felt a hand on his shoulder and he was spun around to meet face to face with a very angry Virgil. 

 “What the hell are you thinking, Princey!? Have you somehow forgotten that he’s the embodiment of Thomas’s bad creativity?! If you lose—“

 “We’ll lose you!” Patton finished, grabbing Roman’s hand and gripping it tightly. There were tears in his eyes and his lip quivered. Roman winced. Did they really think he couldn’t do this?

 “You two shouldn’t underestimate Roman.” Logan interjected, and Virgil whipped around to face the logical side.

 “Roman got knocked out for an entire video because of him! Remus is strong, and—“

 “And that only happened because we all failed to warn him of the threat until it was too late. Now he has a chance to prepare. Not to mention he created this game they’ll be playing, so I see no reason to worry.”

 Patton pursed his lips. “What is this ‘game’ anyways?”

 Roman smiled. “It’s just like he said - it’s a battle of our minds! We used to play it all the time as kids, before...” Roman licked his lips, shaking his head. “Well, anyways, it works like this.”

 The creative side waved his hand and created a floating image, simulating a TV screen to help him explain. “I created the game as an exercise to practice creating things in the mindscape. The goal is to knock out your opponent using anything you can create in the Imagination.”

 “When you say knock out, what do you mean exactly?” Logan asked. 

 “I mean exactly what I said? If your opponent is unable to continue, then you win.” Usually it ended with a very big bruise on one of them, but he had a feeling Patton might object a lot more vehemently if he told him that. 

 Roman waved his hand and a top down image of the field they were standing in appeared. “We split the field in two, and we have fifteen minutes to get ready. We can create anything we want in our area, whether it be to protect us or attack our opponent. After we’re done preparing, we start the fight!”

 “So it’s not a battle of pure strength, but more a battle of wits?” Logan clarified, and Roman nodded. 

 “That’s right! I can’t tell you how many times one of us has won even if we had fewer creations on our side!”

 Patton twisted his fingers together nervously, biting his lip. “That sounds simple enough...”

 “You said you played this before, right?” Virgil asked. Roman nodded. “How many times have you won?”

 Roman huffed, planting his hands on his hips. “I am Thomas’s creativity! I created this game, and I am not going to lose to my brother on the other side! I don’t appreciate you doubting me, Virgil! The hero always prevails over the villain, so you have nothing to worry about!” 

 Virgil glared at Roman, anger brewing in his eyes. Instead of wasting time continuing that argument, he turned away from his fellow sides and made a grand sweeping motion with his arms. 

 A large pavilion tent shimmered into existence, staked into the ground and several comfortable lawn chairs underneath. He included more of the TV like screens so they could watch without getting too close. Roman knew they probably wouldn’t be happy about being put to the side, but it would help him focus if he knew they would be safe. 

 “Now you’ll be able to relax as I earn my rightful title as Thomas’s creativity! Make yourselves comfortable, I’ll make this a showdown you won’t soon forget!”

 Patton looked like he was about to cry as Virgil took his hand and pulled him towards the tent, keeping his own eyes fixed tightly in the ground. Roman took a breath, setting his shoulders back and cracking his neck, and turned towards the center of the field.

 “Roman... are you certain about this?” Logan asked him gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. The prince signed, setting his jaw.

 “I have to do this, Logan. This is the only chance we’re going to get to actually get rid of him. He makes Thomas upset, and if I can do something to help him, I’m going to do it.”

 “Getting rid of a side of himself is not going to help him in the long run. Remus exists for a reason - if he’s gone, the balance we currently have will be thrown off. That could negatively affect you as well.”

 Roman refused to look at him - Logan sounded worried about him. 

 The hand on his shoulder tightened. “I... can’t stop you. But I beg you to reconsider this, Roman. I don’t want you to inadvertently hurt yourself in this endeavor.”

 “I’ll be fine, Logan. Go sit down, I need to focus.” 

 “Roman...”

 “Go!” His voice cracked, and he ripped his shoulder away and walked off from his friends, trying to calm his racing heart. 

 He couldn’t let their worries get to him. He was Prince Roman, the hero who would defeat his evil twin and bring peace to the land once again. It was what his life had been leading up to - a fitting end to their rivalry.

 Why, then, did he feel so uneasy at that thought?

 ~~~

 The playing field was set. It was about the size of a football field, with a waist high fence surrounded the entire area. There were two raised towers on either end for each of the twins to survey the field. Floating in the sky above them was a scoreboard with a timer, frozen on 15 minutes. 

 Roman made his way to the center field line, marked with a green and red striped line. His brother was standing there, arms crossed and lips twisted into a smug grin. His morningstar was slung casually over his shoulder, and he tapped it impatiently as he waited. 

 The prince held his shoulders back and chin high as he walked, showing no trace of the fear that was racing through his veins. He hadn’t had a ‘Creativity Battle’ in years, and while he was confident in his abilities in manipulating the Imagination, he knew Remus had also grown in power over the years. He couldn’t let his guard down for even a second, or it would be all over. 

 “So, it comes to this. I can’t wait to see the look on your friends’ faces when I break you into little pieces like a princely pinata!” He broke into a deranged laugh, but Roman just shrugged. 

 “Laugh all you want, Captain Hook, but you should know by now that good always prevails. You’re going to regret challenging me when I come out on top!”

 Remus stepped forward and smirked, raising his free hand to pat Roman’s cheek. “Oh Roman, we both know you’re not a top.”

 Roman groaned. “Enough! I cannot wait until I can say something without worry that you’ll twist my words like you always do!”

 “Aww, you know you’ll miss me!”

 “Quit bantering and let’s go!” A voice called from the sidelines, and Roman looked over to see Deceit and Obsession sprawled out on a tattered blanket laid on the grass - it was a far cry from the fancy pavilion Roman had conjured for his friends. Obsession had his hands cupped around his mouth and Deceit was snickering. 

 Remus glanced from his fellow sides to his brother, and raised an eyebrow. “Ready?” He asked, a mischievous glint in his eye. Roman steadied himself, and looked Remus in the eyes. 

 “Let the game begin!”

[fatui-harbingers]

Soooo episode 4 is just... Weird.

I'm especially tired of hearing about Jon supposedly being a better ruler when he and Daenerys seem to be about the same. Everyone just wants Jon on the throne bc they know they can manipulate him (I love him but he is easy to manipulate sometimes). People don't want Daenerys bc they can't control her and they're mad about it now that they know they can't.

I saw some people saying that Daenerys was manipulating Jon but like I saw none of that coming from her. She was like the only person that wasn't up to no good. Every single one of my family members is manipulative so I know it when I see it! And also bc I do a little manipulation of my own to survive capitalism as a jobless teen so I know what it's like to be manipulated and to manipulate! Daenerys wasn't doing that but trying to prevent more problems for everyone, including Jon.

I was a bit disappointed in Jon but I don't hate him it anything. I just don't think he's quite used to sharing feelings and speaking his mind. I did wish he has said “I love you” back to Daenerys. And obviously, I know things are gonna be a little off till he fully makes peace/comes to terms with his true parentage bc I'm pretty sure he loves her all the same. And I'm happy we got to hear him say that Daenerys is his queen and nothing would change that.

I want to smack some sense into Jon! You don't have a furry friend and then NOT pet them before you leave! And you sure as heck don't just give them away! Leaving pets for even a few hours is terrible for me so that scene just made no sense to me whatsoever.

Let me just say I am as tired of watching dragons die and I am of all the misogyny in this shows writing. As an animal lover, it wasn't hard at all to fall in love with the dragons bc they just seem so realistic and they have personality. So watching them die is terrible. Especially bc I know how it feels to lose a nonhuman creature you see as your child. It's horrible, as anyone that's ever had that bond with an animal knows. And knowing that Drogon is all alone without his brothers now is just heartbreaking! Poor sweet baby only has his mama now and no dragon bros to wander the skies with 😭😭😭

Jaime leaving Brienne made me so upset. She doesn't ask for much but she wanted him to stay and he couldn't even do that for her. I do understand that it's hard to get out and let go of toxic/abusive relationships bc there's usually so much that went into them but I really thought he had left Cersei for good. But hey, this season seems to be about stupid decisions with zero logic behind them!

I'm just sick of Sansa this season. I don't want to be but she's been written so horribly I can't ignore it and make excuses anymore. I think Bran is the only true-born Stark I actually like at this point bc he's chill. And I really don't understand Arya leaving Winterfell after all that family talk.

I OBVIOUSLY hated how Sansa and Sandor talked about Sansa’s rape. I can't think of any rape victims being glad they were raped and abused but what can I expect from misogynistic writing. What a disappointment.

I'm pretty disappointed that Sansa shared Jon’s secret and has put Daenerys (and even Jon!) in danger (which I suppose she would be happy about since she's a petty manipulator now). I understand why Jon wanted her and Arya to know bc I hate keeping secrets from people I love and trust too, it doesn't feel good. It feels a lot like lying. But I do think he should have listened to Daenerys and not told anyone or just told Arya since she is trustworthy at least. I just can't believe the writers would make Sansa do such a thing and still try to make Daenerys look like the villain (which I don't see bc I understand people and feelings and enjoy actually learning about human behavior however I can).

I ugly cried when Missandei died bc she was so pure and intelligent and just perfect. And obviously bc I love her so much. The world didn't deserve her! That was so horrible I can't even believe they did that to her. Especially considering she was the only woc left on the show! I did love her last words though. I just can't believe she died in chains 😭

I don't see what everyone is talking about in terms of Dany going “mad”. I see a human woman reacting to loss after loss, betrayal after betrayal in such a normal, human way. I honestly feel like I actually am going insane and I haven't suffered anything compared to Daenerys! Missandei was clearly the last straw and I don't blame Daenerys for anything she does now (I probably wouldn't anyway bc I do understand how war works and don't blame the strongest woman for it first chance I get). Like seriously, her haters’ internalized misogyny is showing!

I officially hate Cersei now bc she had Missandei killed. That is not something I can look past just bc she's kinda relatable or used to be anyway.

And I'm so done with Varys. Tyrion seemed pretty cool this episode so I don't hate him atm. He was trying to defend Daenerys at least.

I just don't like the brutality of this episode. Some deaths make sense but some don't (and I mean in the series as a whole, not just this episode)! If all I wanted was blood and gore and murder I would watch nothing but John Wick type movies and play games like Call of Duty. I love fantasy. I love magick and I love romance and I especially loved how this fantasy in particular managed to still seem realistic with dragons and direwolves and magick and all the neat stuff we don't have in the real world (well, except magick, we do have that). I only play Nintendo games for a reason! I'm gonna have to force myself to get back to reading the books now just to get to know the real characters and all the storylines that were left out.

I honestly feel betrayed after watching this last episode. I've never been so invested in something like this and I probably won't be again tbh bc I don't think anything could compare. The way things are playing out upset me as a woman and as a feminist, especially knowing this is a global thing! You find want to be sending the wrong messages when everyone on Earth is watching.

I feel played! I guess that's what I get for being optimistic about something for a change. I always get tricked into looking on the “bright side” only to be disappointed yet again! And almost always by men or humanity as a whole. I much prefer expecting the worst and not being disappointed when it happens. Though I seem to always hope for the best and prepare for the worst so I guess this is going to be an endless cycle for me, lol.

Not sure why I'm always surprised when straight white guys disappoint me, especially when they're in charge of telling the stories of women and poc or even just anyone that isn't a straight white cis guy. I suppose we can only imagine how different (and probably better) this show would have been if there were more female writers, especially woc!!! Gosh, I bet the show would have been 10x better. Oh well, I guess.

I think that's the end of my personal rant over episode 4, lol.

[loverdrew]

Dream Girl Pt.6 | Grayson Dolan

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5

NOTE: This will be a shorter part because I am just getting back into the groove of things, so I hope you aren’t disappointed! 

I laid down, stomach pressing against Jessica’s flower pattern bed spread. My head rested on the pillow underneath my chin, as tears still continued to roll down my eyes, 3 hours after school had gotten out. The game would be started in another 3, and Jessica was adamantly screaming at me to go to the game. I had enough of her screaming and covered my ears with the pillow, but she chucked it across the room, leaving me to bare with just using my hands.

“You need to go there, and show your face. It’ll only make you look worst if you continue to hide yourself. What are you going to do when Monday comes around? Not show up to school? For how long Y/N? Are you willing to sacrifice your last few months of high school because of a stupid thing that Stacy did?” I continued to let tears slip silently, with my hands still over my ears even though I could hear everything she was saying clearly. I couldn’t even look her in the eyes, and stared at her bedroom door. 

“Y/N...” She sat in front of me, taking my hands in hers. “This isn’t any of your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Stacy is the one in the wrong, for invading your privacy the way she did, and using it against you knowing that it would have this sort of backlash. This is high school babe, people are mean and immature, but you need to be the one that is the bigger person. Will this matter in 10 years? 5 years even? No.This is just right now, it’ll all be okay I promise.”

In all my years of going through high school and dealing with immature minded teenagers, Jess still continued to amaze me at how she could go from the friend that was practically a sister to me, to a wise figure that talks like they’ve had so many years of experience. It still amazed me how she was my friend, and continued to be my friend. And while everyone was running around with their own big groups, laughing and acting carefree, I knew I had a friend for life, not just for 4 years. I instantly hugged her, and she didn’t hesitate to hold me. I pulled away and laughed at my own tears, which had turned into happy ones. Sure I was going to be made fun of until graduation, but at least I wasn’t facing it alone.

“Ethan said Grayson was looking for you. That he’s going crazy right now, so I know you don’t want to go to the game but for him, Y/N, just go. Give him closure. You both need it.”

“I messed up Jess. I’ve liked Grayson, for so long now. And just when things were starting to go right with him, this happens. He’ll never want me now, and I just don’t think I can handle hearing that.”

“Then you just don’t show it, if he does say that. You walk away from him showing no hurt, but only feeling sorry for him because it’s his loss that he doesn’t want an amazing girl like you.” Jessica rubbed my arm in comfort.

“Now c’mon, let’s get you all prettied up for the game.”

We arrived at our schools football field an 30 minutes before the game was suppose to start. I anxiously climbed out of the passenger side of the car, scanning the students running into the stands with snacks and posters. A few still stopped and stared, or paused and laughed at my presence. Jess threaded her arm through mine, and we walked quickly to where there was seating. I let her climb up the steps to a row that was open for us, but I stopped myself before sitting down.

“Actually, I have something to do before the game. Save my seat?”

She nodded, and understood exactly what I was about to do.

“Yeah of course. Just remember, chin up.”

Finding the boys locker rooms weren’t that hard considering that were directly next to the field. The doors actually led into the grassy area, but as I approached them, they were closed. I assumed it was because the boys were still getting ready. But I quietly cracked the door open just enough that I could squeeze through. I heard the team talking about mindless things like the party that was happening after the game, the cute girls in the stand, etc. but I couldn’t hear the voice of the one I was looking for. I started to stride down the locker halls peeking through eat row to find him. The boys started to see that I was a girl, and stopped talking, some laughing. 

Ethan was the first to spot me with wide eyes at the very end of the locker room. He tapped Grayson on the shoulder, as he was standing with his back facing me. 

“Grayson.” His ears perked at the sound of my voice.

“Y/N...what are you doing in here?”

“Look before any of you kick me out or make your stupid jokes there are just a few things I need to say, and especially to you.” The silence radiated off the metal lockers, so much so that you could hear a pin drop, and that was very uncommon for a BOYS locker room. 

“Well for starters, you know my secret. You all do. It’s embarrassing, childish, and has practically tainted my image for the rest of high school. I’ll always be known as the girl who was ‘obsessed’ with the Grayson Dolan, and wrote about him like she was some crazed fan. I’m not popular, I’m not rich, I’m not pretty like Stacy and her band of followers, but I am me. The only me there will ever be. And despite what all of you think, I am proud of who I am. I’m proud of what I put out in the world. And you know what Grayson? I don’t think you even know who you really are.” He only looked down, with a clenched jaw. He knew I was right.

“Remember in the library? What you told me? How with me you felt like your true self? And how if anyone knew who you really were, like you are when you’re with me, they wouldn’t get you?” His teammates started looking at him with raised eyebrows, and Ethan stayed back with his hand over his face. “Or what about what you said when you were talking about finding out who the girl from the dance was. That, yeah, she wrote about you, but you would treat her like a princess. Yet I’m standing right here and you’re looking at me as if I’m a total stranger.”

I stepped closer in attempts to get to him, but he only kept his focus elsewhere, looking to the side to avoid my eyes. 

“I’m still that girl. I’m right here, trying to make you understand that I am the same person you talked to on Tumblr, the same girl at the dance, and the same girl from school. Yes, they were all different versions, but they are all me. And I promise if you give me this chance, I won’t ever keep anything like that from you again.” His demeanor didn’t change at all. After a couple of seconds of me waiting there for an answer, the only voice heard was the coach yelling from the front doors that the game would be starting soon. Ethan yelled and said thank you and that the team was ready, and rubbing Grayson’s shoulder. The boys started filing out one by one, leaving Grayson to be the last one.

“Well, I guess this was pointless then. Good luck Grayson, I hope your image, that you’re only bound to keep for a few more months, was worth it.” With that, I walked away from him not turning back, just as Jess had told me to do. A huge weight was off my shoulders, but there was still a growing mass inside my stomach that made me feel nauseous. I felt sick leaving the only guy I’ve ever truly felt for behind, but I knew it was the best thing to do.

As I made my way back to the stands, Jess was anxiously waiting, bouncing her leg up and down and as she saw me approaching, her eyes widened and waved her hands in the air in a “well what happened?!” kind of way. I only waved my hand, and sat next to her, laying my head on her shoulder. 

We ended up winning the game, and Stacy of course ran up to Grayson giving him a huge kiss on the lips, smiling like she was on top of the world, which I’m sure she felt like she was after everything that happened today. He did kiss her back, but in my eyes it looked forced, and he didn’t smile after, but only ran off the field into the locker rooms. I tugged on Jessica’s arm, signaling her that I wanted to leave, and she pulled out her cars keys as we headed to her car. The whole car ride was filled with what happened, and upon arriving at her house, she made up her living room couch with blankets and pillows, with every bad snack available in her pantry, with the remote and movies on my side. We watched countless episodes and movies until around 3 am when she passed out, however my thoughts had kept me up of him. Was he even thinking of me? Thinking of what happened? With his responses to what I said to him, it seemed clear to me.

He didn’t care, like I thought he did.

[padfootagain]

Vulnerability

This is part of the 200 followers celebration, and was requested by @itsspecial-itsnotforeveryone. Thank you so much for your request! I hope you won't be disappointed...

So this is about Remus, and the prompts that were asked are :

9. "Chocolate and hugs can cure anything."

12. "You're not perfect, and that's precisely what I love about you."

24. "Things will be all right, you'll see."

I've found out that it's often Remus who is written as the most tormented, I wanted to change that a bit, and see how he would react if it was the reader who felt sad. Hope you like it! ;)

Gif not mine

You felt completely depressed. The last full moon had been hard on Remus and he had been easily irritated for an entire week. Which meant few cuddles, few kisses, and as he had noticed his harsh behaviour towards you, few Remus in general as he had been avoiding you for the rest of the week. At least he had tried to avoid you, until you were tired of his little game and you two had a bad row. Probably the biggest fight you had ever had. And now you were alone, sitting on the grass near the Lake, and you felt miserable.

As if it wasn't enough, you had a bad grade at Potions.As if the world wasn't fucked up enough outside of Hogwarts, now your life was a mess inside the Castle as well.

Brilliant...

You hadn't spoken to Remus for three days now. You were afraid he'd break up with you if you did. Perhaps you weren't good enough as a girlfriend. Perhaps he wasn't happy with you. You were afraid he could find someone better...

Because right now, you didn't feel like you were someone special. He was the one who made you feel that way. But now that he wasn't by your side, you felt like you were just an average girl without much talent in anything.

You picked up a little stone and threw it into the water in frustration, the stone creating circles on the calm water as it drowned. You should be by his side. You should have been for the last three days. You should have helped him when he was sick as hell the day after the full moon, and you should have been there to make sure he had all your notes about the classes he had missed. Instead, you had spent your time hiding from him. You had gone mad at him because he was avoiding you, and now you were the one who was fleeing him.

You felt miserable. You were frustrated by yourself. You were angry against yourself. Perhaps he was better off without you anyway...

You started at the sound of a cracking branch behind you, and your eyes grew wide at the sight of your boyfriend.

Or was it ex-boyfriend now? Your heart ached at the thought.

"Hey," he breathed softly. "I didn't mean to startle you."

He approached slowly, as if he was afraid you would flee if he was too quick.

"Can I sit there?" he asked, nodding towards the spot next to you on the grass.

You nodded slowly and looked at him as he sat down by your side. You wanted to cry already.

"How are you?" you asked, your tone trying to be neutral, but it sounded cold.

He looked at you, and you saw him wincing slightly at the sound of your voice.

"I'm not sick anymore," he said. "I'm not fine though."

He heaved a sigh.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was so annoying last week," he said. "It's just... the moon messed up with my head, it does sometimes."

"I know."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have avoided you."

Silence settled between the two of you, only disrupted by the wind blowing through the trees of the Forbidden Forest.

You stared at him. He was wearing his Gryffindor scarf to protect himself from the cold of November, and his cheeks and nose were slightly reddened by the wind. The long scars crossed his face, tracing white lines upon his already pale skin.

You shivered. You didn't know if it was out of sadness, or fear, or simply because of the blowing wind.

"So... are you breaking up with me?" you asked softly.

His brown eyes were locked on yours, he forced himself not to show how scared and desperate he was at the mere thought of losing you.

"Why? You want to break up with me?" he asked, trying to hide his trembling hands under his coat.

You looked away from him, resting your eyes upon the calm water again, now grey as it mirrored the colors of the clouds.

"Maybe it would be better for you," you said softly.

He frowned hard.

"How can you think something as stupid as that?"

You shrugged, still fleeing his gaze.

"I'm just me, Rem. And it's not much."

He rested his fingertips under your chin, and you turned towards him, forcing your eyes to remain fixed upon his.

He was frowning hard, puzzled.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

 You shook your head, your jaw clenched.

"You could have better than me."

"You know that's not true," he said, giving you a small smile.

He opened up his bag, and took out some chocolate frogs.

"Come on, let's just forget this whole mess happened, okay?" he proposed with begging eyes. "I'm sorry for reacting like I did. I know you just wanted to be here for me. I'm sorry I avoided you, I was just trying to protect you from myself. Now, let's just forgive and forget, okay? Look, I brought chocolate, and my arms are wide open for you. Because you know what? Chocolate and hugs can cure anything."

But you didn't smile back at him, and he flinched, putting down the candies and his bag.

"Y/N... What's wrong? I know we had a big row but... I told you, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, you'll see. Just... give me a second chance, okay?"

You shook your head, a tear escaping your eyes.

He really was so sweet...

"I'm the one who fucked up. I suck..."

"Don't say that."

"It's true though."

"Of course not."

He took your face in his hands.

"What's happening to you?" he asked.

You shrugged.

"I just feel like I let you down," you said. "I should have been here after you woke up from the full moon and..."

"You were mad at me, and you were right to be. It's okay."

"And I shouldn't have gone all mad like I did at the full moon. Because I know you were trying to stay away from me to make sure we wouldn't fight uselessly. And in the end that's exactly what happened because of me."

"Y/N, it's okay, it's nothing..."

"And I just... I mean you're so sweet and kind and everything and I'm so full of flaws... I'm too short-tempered, and stubborn an annoying and..."

But he shushed your rambling, resting his palm against your lips.

"It's okay," he said, his voice soothing, trying to make you calm down, and a tender smile was curving up his lips. " I have much more flaws than you do, you know? One being that I turn into an uncontrollable wolf every month. But you're right, you're not perfect either. You're not perfect, and that's precisely what I love about you."

Your eyes widened slightly. He had never used these words to describe his feelings for you...

"Don't look at me like that, you really are blind if you haven't noticed how I feel already."

He let his hands fall down, his fingers lingering on your lips and chin in the process.

"I guess you can add 'blind' to the list of my flaws then..."

He smiled, stroking your cheek.

"I just feel so... miserable," you said.

"Why that? I don't get it? You're wonderful, Y/N."

"I don't feel like I deserve you."

"Funny... I used to think that I was the one who didn't deserve you."

"You could have much better."

"And how so?"

"I'm not the best in class. I'm not the smartest. I can't sing, nor play Quidditch. I'm awful at pretty much every game. I'm not the funniest, I guess I'm boring most of the time. I'm not particularly pretty..."

"Okay, stop. Stop, stop, stop..."

He ran a hand through his hair.

"Merlin... I must suck as a boyfriend."

"No... not at all, you're great."

"Well, I... I want you to feel special."

"I do. I do feel special when I'm with you."

He took your hands in his.

"Y/N, you're wonderful. You can't think like that about yourself. I don't care that you're not the smartest or the wittiest or the most sportive student in the school. You're kind and gentle and you never treated me any differently because of what I am. And that's all that matters to me."

A shy smile appeared on your lips, and he smiled as well.

"That and the fact that you're breathtaking whenever you smile."

You laughed, blushing hard.

"You shouldn't think this way about yourself," he said more seriously again. "I used to think that I wasn't worth the people who loved me. I found out that it doesn't help at all. I found out a very important truth about life."

"And what is this piece of wisdom that you found?"

"You don't decide if you deserve the love of others. They decide if you're worth their love. If they don't like you, then it's their loss. But if they do love you, then it means that you're good enough for them. Then it means that they need you just as much as you need them. There's no use in trying to struggle to define how much you're worth. There's no use in comparing yourself to others. Because we're all different, and one may look at a person with hate when someone else will look at this person in reverence and awe. Don't try to be better than others, just try to be a better person than you were yesterday in general. And the only way to do that is to be yourself, just yourself."

He chuckled nervously.

"I mean... if you want to go on with listing our flaws... I'll undoubtedly win. But it's useless to do so. Do you see what I mean?"

You nodded slowly.

"That's a pretty good lesson about life," you smiled. "I didn't know you were that wise."

"Well, it took me years to realize that," he smiled. "That's why it took me years to ask you on a date."

You laughed before rushing into his arms.

"You're wonderful, Y/N," he said softly, his voice comforting. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

You kissed his cheek.

"You're not mad at me, right?" you asked.

"Of course I'm not."

"I'm just not feeling very well these days."

" Things will be all right, you'll see. I'll make sure that the world is good enough for you."

You smiled, resting your lips right next to his ear.

"So... are we going to talk about the fact that you basically admitted that you love me?" you asked in a whisper.

"We don't have to, really..." he said, and even without looking at him you knew he was blushing hard.

"That's too bad," you replied, still whispering. "I can't say it back then."

He stopped breathing.

"You would?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"I don't know..." you teased.

He brought his lips to your ear as well, holding you tightly against him.

"Well... I do love you, Y/N."

You grinned, rubbing your nose against his.

"I love you too, Rem."

[silverstarsheep]

Commission Information  ||  Redbubble || Patreon

And thanks for all the... Fish! So I feel as though this is something that's needed to be said and explained carefully, as I feel as though people would ask me what my next plan is. I would have to explain my reasoning, and it'd be much easier if I have one place to put it all. Spoilers, by the way.

Now that Sheep Songs is finished, I will not be making any more Bendy and the Ink Machine comics. I might not even make any more fanart of it in general, unless I'm commissioned or hired to do so. While I did love BatIM for a while, and while it DID provide me not only with newfound confidence in my comics, but also a number of opportunities and open doors... I feel as though after chapter 3, I had been betrayed. For me, that chapter completely ruined the game in its entirety--I'll go into that in a little bit. To put it in simple terms: Chapter 2 was a bit iffy for me. Sammy put me on the fence with the cult and satanic tones of the game. However he balanced me nicely and gave me a snack. Chapter 3 on the other hand... Alice ripped the snack out of my hands, ate it in my face and shoved me off the fence and right into the mud. To say that Alice ruined literally EVERYTHING is almost an understatement. Alice is a predictable, boring and really dumb villain. I could predict EXACTLY how her character was going to be, just from ONE line of dialogue--when she mentions you being caught in her web. Listen. When I can accurately predict how a character is going to be just from one little line, THAT'S REALLY, REALLY BAD. She completely ruined the experience for me with her stupid, flat """"""""banter""""""", her unsubtle behavior BORED me, and her overall character frustrated me beyond words. I couldn't stand her, and the overly long and tedious fetch quests did NOT help my thoughts on the matter. I KNOW the Meatly fixed the fetch quests and updated things, but I know he didn't, and I know he WON'T, fix the glaring issues with Alice. She could have been great, but the Meatly tossed his super great and creative premise in favor for a predictable and generic femme fatale that doesn't even try for a second to trick you. She's just, "Oh! I'm evil! By the way, did you know that I was evil? I'm SOOOO rotten, but look at me, I'm cute and perfect, tee hee!" ugh. She tries to be GLaDOS but... She fails. She can't even be compared, really. And don't try to tell me that the chapter is good because we got to have a plank of wood--I mean Boris follow us around. If he did more than just standing around, that would have helped, but HONESTLY. The boy is a plank of wood! He hardly emotes! He hardly reacts! But hey! At least he had more character than Alice, AM I RIGHT?! Ahaah.... Okay, there were some things I did like. The design of the building (even though it's stupidly ridiculous), the atmosphere (even though that was RUINED by the fetch quests and the fact that enemies respawn in the same places... Talk about monotonous and boring...), the twisted toons/Butcher Gang, and the Projectionist. And Wally's always good, but this chapter actually forced me to emotionally detach myself from him. Great. ... But in all seriousness. Chapter 3 left me in a depressive state. I couldn't handle how bad it was, it was SUCH a disappointment. Perhaps I was a little too hopeful; I was willing to look past the issues and flaws beforehand because I adored the ideas. The game had me sold on the concept ALONE. The game has such a creative premise, such neat ideas. I LOVE the ideas and the concepts, but the execution is so poor that it gives me emotional unrest. Again, I had to emotionally detach myself from Wally Franks because I was fearful that he'd get a similar treatment in a later chapter, and if that were the case... I'd be left physically ill. On the night I watched chapter 3, I was sick with anxiety because I was so excited for the new chapter, but I was also nervous for what was to come. I had actual, physical relief when I heard Wally's voice come through a tape recorder, that it actually calmed me to the point where I was no longer anxious. I realized in that moment that he was a comfort character... But I can no longer have that. Because I felt so betrayed by chapter 3. It frustrates me to no end. How amazing this concept is, how great the studio looks and how neat the twisted toons are. But the rest... The execution, the antagonists... They're all so flat and poor. For my own mental health, I must move on from BatIM, however I am still open to taking commissions for art of the game. Just don't expect anything else from it out of me. However, I'd like to leave on a higher note, which is why I drew Edgar. He's my favorite of the Butcher Gang, and inspired a new character of mine, Piper the Spider. And despite not making any more Bendy comics, I WILL continue to make comics as a whole! I have a few projects in mind, so please, stick around! You might just like the next thing I work on! Thank you to everyone who stuck with me through the endeavor that was Sheep songs. It was a wonderful adventure that taught me a lot about comic making, and even a bit about myself. I had a wonderful time making it, and I look forward to the next comic I have in store. Despite my current feelings towards Bendy and the Ink Machine, I DO have to thank it for everything that it gave me. It gave me the spark to start making more comics, starting with The Liar Revealed in Ink part 1 and 2. It inspired me to make even more comics beyond that, full 20-page comics at that! It gave me the inspiration needed to get my gears into motion to make more than just one or two pages worth of comic. Not only that, but it's opened the doors to many things; new followers, new friends, new adventures. It allowed me to meet people I never would have met otherwise, and it's allowed not only myself to grow, but it's also helped others grow through itself, and even through me. So... I do have to thank it. I may have left on a sour note, but I'm still grateful for what it gave to me. And to all of you! For sticking by me!

[novelplanes]

I’m feeling a little bit impotent at the moment. I hate even writing that, but it’s honest at the very least. I’m having a frustrating time with some of my students at the moment because they’re too comfortable and resenting that I’m being harder on them the more they act out and are rude during class. I used to have a good relationship with some of the students, so it’s more than a little disappointing.  Others I’ve never had a good relationship with - some with malice, some without - I know at least one looks down on me for not being Korean.  I’ve tried to meet students in the middle and speak Korean with them, but a few of them assume that because I can sound like an idiot when I speak my second language and make mistakes means that I am stupid, full-stop, which is SO frustrating.  And it’s my fault, I’ll admit, because I’ve tried a teaching approach that doesn’t suit me or my abilities.  I can’t give detailed explanations of English grammar in rapid-fire Korean like a Korean instructor could (despite making half-decent attempts) and I dislike giving translation homework, actually, because it leaves out a lot of naunces to English and it’s constantly forcing students back to thinking in Korean rather than moving away from it so students can learn and think in English.  So these are methods that are obviously not working for me..... but the alternative? The alternative is something new and untried and a lot of additional work that I’m not sure I have the fortitude, time, nor good health to conquer.  Nor something that I’m completely convinced will work on a limited schedule and within the constraints of how Koreans approach education. Korean students are used to “tiger teachers” and anything less they tend not to take seriously.  And THAT could cause a lot of problems.  

But.... It’s a confidence thing as well. In order to feel good about myself it’s something that I think I’ll have to push forward and do.  A fully English classroom (starting from Level 03, I think) that requires students to think, speak, read, and write in only English.  I’ll have to keep researching as I do so because I actually have a dream for students to progress under the common european framework for language and succeed. But, like I said, it’s very limited and not all our students are destined for English-focused careers. Most of them just need it until high school graduation. So, a happy balance will have to found there as well.  

So I’ll have to change as well.  Perhaps I need to dredge out my old professional wear (or a happy hybrid of it) or a decent wardrobe update of chiffon and curls to put myself in a more professional mindset as well.  There has to a certain degree of closeness and trust with a teacher for a classroom to function well, but I think most of my classes would benefit with some distance and a more sedate, structured atmosphere.  

Because while I can understand why our standards have gone lax over the past ten months or so (because I’m bloody, bone-deep exhausted and constantly sick and overwhelmed with all the stuff I must do work or otherwise), I don’t think I can let it continue without feeling badly about myself and my capabilities. 

The second part, of course, is that while I love my husband... he’s been pissing me off lately, too. He’s been both doting and caring and then selfish and dismissive and I really can’t keep up with him.  Take this week for example: He spent all day Wednesday looking irritable, sighing, and telling me “later” when I would come up to ask him something about work or just to give him a quick hug.  Then he went out drinking with his friends after work. He was hungover the next day even though we had to go to his parents house the next morning.  He then went to bed there (but didn’t actually sleep, just did stuff on his phone) and left me to fend for myself with his family and the language barrier.  When I went to bed, he got up.  When he came back to bed, I got up. Vice versa. We hardly talked and it was constantly met with “later” and “I don’t want to talk right now” and “not now”. The same thing happened today. And he was sweet for a quick second, but as soon as we got home he was dismissive again when I tried talking to him about a problem with one of our students, sighing, and trying to avoid the conversation, only looking at the television screen and then turning on his PS4.  (And now he’s upset that I’m in the other room and don’t want to watch tv with him now that he’s done playing games and wants company. Too bad, I say. And I don’t plan on sticking around tomorrow either.)  We’re been so excited about starting a family this year, but he didn’t even bother with a valentine’s day present or card, he’s ignored me for the better part of three days, and on top of this I’m sick with a cold... but guess who still had to get by without help? So.... 

That feeling of impotence again. 

[yanderehetalia]

May I have anything mermaid-related with your favourite character? I don't care who I just crave mermaids and your writing. It's a very specific craving.

Though the salty waters of the sea had done you well in the beginning, time is a cruel mistress, and decay was slowly but surely clouding over your lifeless figure, how unfortunate. Luciano toyed with your hair, reminiscing over the past. The past that had looked so promising…

You’d heard the tales of mermaids several times before, mermaids that would pull in and drown anyone that got too close, anyone who was either stupid or friendly enough to think that a mermaid was anything more than a man-eating monster. Stubborn as you were though, tales did nothing go right out the other ear, that is why the warm, turquoise Mediterranean looked so inviting, rather than eerie and tense as most people in your town thought it to be. 

Stalking away after finishing the laundry, you scamper down to the rocky beach, hot pebbles prompting you faster still to the waters’ edge. Lifting your hefty skirt, you stick your toe in, man it was nice. You slide into the cool waves to your knees, enjoying the soft currents. 

You begin to drift, but a small splash pulls you from your blissful trance. Ripples in the water a few feet in front of you confirm your suspicions, something was there. Perhaps a fish? Or a mermaid like everyone warned you about? Ha, what a goofy idea, a mermaid. You wonder what kind of fish it is, would it be tasty? You’ll show everyone, there are no mermaids, you’ll catch this fish and eat it in front of everyone and prove that the water is safe. You jump in, the water making you squeal, after wading out like stiff as a stick, you feel your body accommodate to the temperature, and you liked the way your dress flowed in the water. Another splash made you ship around, it was much closer this time, you giggle. You pounce on where it came from, disappointed to feel no fish. You feel your dress get tugged from behind you, you throw yourself back, your fingertips brush something scaly, there it is. Suddenly a force pushes your head down, your face brushes the water. Bobbing back up you turn to more ripples, what an odd fish. You puzzle to yourself for a moment, what kind of fish does this? A voice sounds behind you.

“This was a fun game! I’m glad you could play with me, but I have to go now.” You shriek and almost fall back, A young boy was behind you, Tan with reddish brown hair and enchanting magenta eyes.

“Who are you? I’ve never seen you before, are you from a different village?” You ask, smiling at this strange little boy. He looks at you weird for a second, before cracking a smile himself.

“I see, you think I’m human.” Inspecting closer, you notice his rows of teeth all possessed knife-like sharp points, this was no boy. You start to back up, and he ducks under the water, you turn to run(well, kinda) to the shore line, but the boy pops back up in front of you. “I never got to tell you who I was, silly.” he giggles, taking your hands in his “I’m sure you’ve realized now that I’m not like you, but I promise that I only want to be your friend!” You stare at your hands, connected with his, and then meet his eyes, this would be an even better way to show your town, not only will you meet a mermaid, you’ll befriend one.

“Ok then, sure, I’ll be your friend!” you squeeze his hands, he squeezes back.

“Great! Wanna come back out tomorrow to play again? I’ll let you win next time too~” He teases, a playfully evil grin on his lips.

“Ok I will, see you then!” You climb out of the water, your soaking dress dripping cooling the rock beneath your feet.

Yeah, you were Luciano’s first friend, you two practically grew up together. Anything you knew, he knew, and vice-versa. He smiled with you at your best times, cried with you at your worst, and even risked his life climbing onto the shore when you’d fallen into a nasty depression after your dad died.

It’d been weeks, everyday He would come to the shore to see if you were there or to at least see if he could call out to you, but nothing. He wondered if you’d maybe have died, but his heart couldn’t handle that. He could see your house from the a certain place on the waters’ edge, but far enough he couldn’t risk yelling for you. He assumed it had something to do with your father, He’d gotten sick about a month ago and passed away, it completely destroyed you. It saddened him so much to see you like that, he’d grown overwhelmingly fond of you, a thought of a certain sort had crossed his mind a few times, but he always dismissed it, a relationship like that was absolutely and totally forbidden. one night, he floated to the shore view of your house, a flickering candle light was on, he would have paid no mind if it had not been in what you had pointed as your room. He pondered if he could make it. He missed you so much, it felt like he was drowning all the time, just because you were depressed gave you no right to make him so as well, especially when he wanted to make you better.

He made the decision. Heaving himself onto the rocks, still warm from the day’s sun. He dragged himself up the hill, panting and starting to dry up, he had several hours, but the time when he could actually move and not just lie there waiting to die was limited. His tail was the best thing there was in the water, but the land did it no favors, and it was possibly an hour and a half before he was at your window, peeking in, he saw you staring blankly at the wall across from your bed. He pokes his head in, disturbing the light and drawing your attention, you glance to the window and almost scream, but stop yourself. You scramble to your window.

“What are you doing here! How did you get here! Can’t you not leave the water!?” You whisper, scanning his face and body.

“Calm down, I’ll be fine, I can be out of the water for a little while but I’ll have to leave soon, I just wanted to see you, you haven’t come down in so long…” He replies sadly.

“I-I haven’t had the energy. . “

“The energy! It’s just down the hill! And you’re as young as I am! If I can pull myself up this damn hill without any legs you can come down this hill with some.” He finishes, but immediately feels bad at the expression on your face. “Please. I’m sorry I was harsh, but you’re the only thing in this world I like. My cousins are all dicks and my parents are gone, my only other relative is my grandfather, but he moves around a lot and barely see him.” You look up to his face again.

“Your parents are dead?” He nods “I guess I was a bit selfish, my father is the only one who is dead, but your life sounds rough too. My mom is desperately searching for a new husband, we can’t live with just her providing, so I’ve had to help some as well, but there’s been time when I could have come down but I didn’t. That was mean.” You smile weakly. He feels bad for making you feel bad,

“It’s fine, I just wished you could have told me, then I wouldn’t be wondering if you were dead, we all deal with mourning differently, family has never done much for me so I’m sure I got off with their death more easily than you did, please don’t beat yourself up for me.” He puts a hand to your face, your eyes meet and he makes either the best or the worst decision of his life. He darts his other hand out and grabs the other side of your face, pulling your lips into his. It was the moment he realized he loved you more than life itself, he would throw himself away just to make sure you were alright, risk his life to see you even one more time. He pulls away, you look stunned. He lets you go and uses all of his weight to throw himself back down the hill, rolling all the way to the shore and then rocking himself back into the water. He peeks up, you were still sitting by the window, stunned.

He smiles thinking of that kiss, brushing his finger over your lips, unfazed when a small chunk of them break off and float away into the sea. It had all been so perfect that night, never mind the next morning when you’d come down you either forgot about it or just never mentioned it. But you were back, and he was happy again, sure it was the last major bump, he stupidly let his guard down. And then he intervened.

Luciano was already waiting when you came skipping down to the sea, the most dazzling smile on your face. He couldn’t help but smile as well when you plopped down on the rock, excited squeals seemingly dripping from your tongue. He barely even had the chance to say hello before you were off on a story, one that appeared to be normal, so he wasn’t quite sure what the point was until an unfamiliar name was dropped.

“Wait wait hold on, who was that?” He asked, hoping to god it wasn’t a boy.

“Feliciano.” You reply warmly. It was a boy.

“And who is this Feliciano.” He inquires further.

“If you’d let me finish the story, you’d find out fish man” You wink and continue, but Luciano was no longer as interested as he was before. This boy, you were obviously fond of him, and that could only mean one thing. A depression hit him like the nastiest most violent waves in a merciless storm, you’d probably marry this boy, move inland and forget about him, he couldn’t let this happen.

“So,” He starts, wanting to deter you from this boy.”Do you like him?”

“Wait like, LIKE like him?” You ask, the look crossing Luciano’s face confirmed. “No, not really, I mean he’s nice and attractive, but not really my type? I don’t know, just know that you’re still my favorite guy so don’t be too threatened.”

“Glad to know, I was afraid you’d trust him too early and he’d turn out to be some creep. I’ve heard stories from other mermaids that sometimes a man will get a woman interested in him, marry her shockingly early in the relationship and then stage an “accident” for her so he gets her families’ bounty, then he just continues around that cycle until he retires rich.” He sees your face drop, perfect. He hated doing something like this to you, but it was for your own good.

“You’re right, he does seem to be well off and a flirt…” You seem dejected, but he knew he could help you feel better.

Luciano thought that would take care of it, but every time you would come down to him you always had a new story about your time with Feliciano, and every time he would try to put doubts in your mind, it worked too, but less and less each time, he knew it was over when you said you were going up north with Feliciano for a week, he didn’t know why he didn’t do something then, it would have spared him the pain of seeing that shiny ring.

You sprinted down the hill, splashing in the water to pull your finned friend out, when he finally did emerge, you got in the water and hugged him, shaking him about, laughing and cheering. He pries himself from your grip, your hair in your face, flushed with pink and the cutest smile on your face, he was sad he knew it wasn’t for him. He almost threw up when you extended your hand yo reveal a sparkling ring. Not wanting to upset you, he pulls his best fake smile.

“I’m getting married!” You yell happily, sure your friend would congratulate you and hug you as well, albeit begging you to stay living next to the sea. Instead, when you let go of the hug you were not met with your expectations, instead, Luciano looked sad, angry, and at the same time emotionless. He finally spoke. 

“I didn’t have the guts to tell you earlier, if I had maybe we could have avoided this.” His eyes were shaded by his bangs, he bobs under the water, a splash coming from behind you. You turn around, Luciano looks up, his eyes now red and glowing, exactly how your elders had described a mermaid going in for the kill. Fear fills your veins, he was your friend, right? RIGHT?

“Luciano… what’s wrong, why do you look like that…” you back up, now on your tip toes, you shuffle to the side.

“I’m sorry, but if I can’t have you, then nobody can, especially not some wimpy mainland prick!” Luciano lunges for you, holding you tightly to his chest as he drags you to the bottom.

You’d struggled, you’d kicked, but in the end of course it was Luciano that had won, he left that little coastal town after a few days, unable to take the constant sobbing of your mother late at night, the constant search parties calling your name fruitlessly. He missed you. But it was all the best in the end.

[mirajens]

sweet as cherry wine

rating: m pairing: mirajane/laxus, mirajane/erza, erza/jellal  found: ff.n and ao3 note: this is 99.9% angst dedicated to mE 

Mirajane

Erza comes to me when her life is in shambles.

Perhaps it’s leftover habit from when we were young and there was nothing for childhood trauma and teenage plight except for temporary warmth in each other’s arms. I used to not mind it so much. I’d thought it was just a necessity. Over time, it nurtured my fascination into something much more gripping. I see it in other people, how they see red hair and go glossy-eyed. Of course, I am different. I don’t think about how she doesn’t really have much of a selection. Or rather, a pleasant selection. Aside from me, there are men who are more muscle than brain, used to satisfy passing lust.

I want to believe that Erza likes me best.

Often I find myself wishing misery on her. When the nights are lonely, my imagination is most vivid. I dream of men breaking Erza so she will seek out relief in me. I think of them grabbing her beautiful scarlet hair and telling her cruel things so when they leave her with a broken spirit, I will be there and she will love me. She will climb into bed with me and shed tears over all that hurts. She will touch me and kiss me and try to find on my skin and flesh what those men can’t give her. I will be everything she needs.

Erza Scarlet will love me that night. She will love me until she finds someone else to love and I will spiral back into depraved thought, wishing wickedness on her until it comes true and she finds her way back to me again.

When Erza weeps in my arms, I inspect myself for remorse for wanting that unkindness on her, or even depending on the inevitability of it. Yet, I find none. I tell myself, Erza is where she belongs. It’s regrettable that she has to suffer to get here, but the end is all the same. I have to be content with that. I have to accept the certainty of such; even if she cries so hard my pillows are damp until the next evening.

I imagine this is how thieves don’t think about which poor creature they’re stealing from just so the bills get paid. When I see Erza cry, my relief is greater than my pity.

She looks up to me, her arms circled around my stomach, her tears wet on my chest. “Mira,” she says, hoarse and pitiful. “You’re good to me. You never hurt me. I love you.”

I want to tell her yes, of course, I’m the only one who loves you, Erza. I’ll wait until your flights of fancy expire and come crawling back like a kicked dog that never learns. Erza will never know that in my mind, it’s dark for her and I intend to be the only light.

Instead of answering, I kiss the crown of her head and stroke the red silk of her hair, thinking she might love me, but she loves a lot of people, too. We’re not nice people, yet that only affirms my belief that we belong to each other.

.

.

Laxus

I know a pattern when I see one.

I know that when Erza leaves, Mira is at her most vulnerable. It’s not something I can stomach most days. Mirajane, that pretty little thing, comes to my door with bloodshot eyes that look more livid than sad. Even when I feel badly for her, I want to close the door on her. Because every time I let her in, we end up fucking and it makes me feel crude.

I know I’m being used when I see it.

Mira asks if she can come in and I let her. She knows her way to the cabinet that houses liquor that have been there since before I was born, collected by my grandfather’s father, passed down to mine, then all left to me when my family ceased to consist of gravestones. Mira shows me a bottle that I don’t think she knows how to drink and asks me if we can help ourselves. She looks like a girl who’s trying to be more mature than she is. I almost tell her this, and this isn’t the first almost. This game she plays with Erza is foolish and long-running; something children do when they can find nothing more meaningful in their lives. And it’s funny, isn’t it, how I’m playing right into it? Like Mira, don’t I wait for the inevitable, too, and benefit a cheap, meaningless fuck out of it?

I hold my tongue. I’m not sure I even want to deal with Mira when she gets even more worked up by me saying so.

I tell her to bring it to the living room and I go make sandwiches. The whole thing is kind of funny, objectively. My palms are damp while I build bread, ham and cheese. I know we won’t eat it same as I know that she’ll only wait the polite ten minutes before insinuating what she really came here for. Something nauseating roils in my gut and I imagine its dread. For what? Guilt for taking advantage of a confused girl? Unease at the notion that I am equally being taken advantage of and that when the lust passes, I’ll be left with debasing sentiments?

I join her and give her half a sandwich, anyway.

“I take it Erza left again? Jellal’s back in town. Must be why.” I don’t say this to rile Mirajane up. I just don’t know what else to share with her these days. It’s been so long since we had anything substantial between us. Things haven’t been the same since Lisanna died.

Gramps always said I had a stupid mouth. That I didn’t think of the shit I said or about the people I upset. I guess he was right because Mirajane looks mad. She looks mad before she looks cold and then she’s kissing me. It’s never been the sweet kind. Mira kisses like I am responsible for every shitty thing that’s ever happened to her. Sometimes, she kisses so hard she leaves blood in my mouth. Maybe I like it because she’s still here, isn’t she? I keep opening the damn door to her.

She’s already crawled onto my lap, foregoing the polite ten minutes that has been customary up until this night. I push her off so she looks twice as pissed as she is, and grab at the whisky she opened but didn’t touch. There aren’t any glasses so I drink right from the bottle, as if this scenario can afford to look any more gauche than it already does. It burns down my throat but settles warmly into my stomach, enough for me to face Mira again, though nothing leaves me prepared for the look on her face.

I get on top of her and kiss her so I don’t have to look at her anymore. Falling back into old habits feels natural when I don’t see how life has hollowed out her eyes. It’s easy now that I convinced myself enough that she wants this more than I do, and she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t need this so much. We’re all creatures of comfort. Maybe hers is cathartic sex with me, and mine is just her in particular.

I don’t even dare say it. I don’t even dare think it. That I love Mirajane, who only ever violently obsesses over Erza Scarlet.

.

.

Jellal

Maybe I am sick.

Something swims in my blood and it makes me tireless and agitated. I can’t settle down. There is always something to chase, some ghost to put to rest, an evil to be eliminated, a war to end. Or maybe I am just making excuses. Maybe I’m terrified of what planting roots will mean for me.

I don’t belong in Magnolia. I’m not built to bask in open sunlight or accept what life has to offer. I try to visualize being surrounded by friendly people but all I can see is how disappointed they will be when they find nothing good in me; everything in here is damaged, after all. I belong in the shadows where my only companions are wretch like me. After years of madness, I don’t know how to embrace normal. It will never have me, or I it.

I imagine life with Erza and it makes my ulcer boil, for how can I subject her to spending her days loving a wild thing? One would think repugnance of self gets tedious after puberty but I know how dangerous I am. How pathetic, how deranged, how obscure. Sometimes I feel like the only good I’ve done was staying away, keeping her safe on a pedestal.

But when she comes to me, I cannot stop her. I can make meteors bend to my will but I’m too weak to turn a girl away.

Just one more time, I promise myself. Maybe I say it out loud because Erza tightens her hold on me and I let her.

It’s not like I’m not already suffocated by her.

.

.

Erza

I feel all sensation boil down to a single instinct when Laxus tells me Jellal is in town. Laxus is a big man, but he looks like he’s trying to fold into himself, back against the bar, eyes shifting, sotto voce, giving me the location of a safe house Master Makarov keeps just west of the woods. His surreptitious nature eludes me; my mind is too busy figuring out the most efficient route to that cottage by the dead oaks.

I am a noisy traveler. My armor creaks and my booted feet stomp, yet all I can hear is the pounding of my pulse against my eardrums like a war beat preluding fateful demise. The cottage is easy enough to find. The thin trail of smoke coming out of the chimney makes my heart beat faster. He’s here. I know he is.

I knock on the door before cowardice eats me alive. I don’t know why it stuns me when the door opens and I see his face, the dark marks on his face, the shock of his hair, the disappointment in his eyes. He’s here and my chest decompresses. What did I expect? Not this, surely. It always feels too good to be true when I catch up to him.

I don’t know what to say. It’s been so long and this time is entirely different from every other time fate has bought him back to me. There are no more wars, no more great monsters, no more excuses between us. And what can I tell him? Won’t you stay? I’ve been trying to fill the hole you left behind but nothing fits quite right. I’m already begging. I’d throw everything away for you.

He already knows that. I’ve already said it too many times to mean anything now. Instead of forcing my mind to find something to say, I step into the small house. Jellal never turns me away but I imagine it’s just a small mercy before he disappears.

I wrap my arms around him and it’s a peaceful start to what will be a storm.

Much later, when we’re undressed, lounging on a hard pallet, with my hands roaming as if to memorize the shape of him in the dark, I try not to think about how sunrise will take him away yet again.

[keaalu]

Remember Me, chapter four

Title (chapter): Remember Me (04)

Series: Transformers, G1-based “Blue” AU

Rating: PG-13

Notes: In which Slipstream realises just how big this thing might be that he and Dash are caught up in, and Starscream finally gets back from New Vos to a hostile welcome.

-------------------------

The command centre on Nemesis was every bit as sickly purple and ostentatiously oversized as Slipstream remembered it.

He didn’t remember ever seeing it from this angle, though.

“Show proper respect to your new master, scum!”

The shove to one shoulder made him stumble and fall to his knees. Before he could recover, scramble clumsily back to his feet, something heavy – and hot; someone’s thruster? – pressed down on the back of his neck, forced him to bow his helm.

Slipstream snarled in pain and bucked, trying to squirm his way out, but the bigger mech just kept increasing the pressure on the back of his neck until he was almost crushed flat to the floor. Ultimately it hurt too much to keep struggling, and he went limp. The scorching weight on the back of his neck disappeared.

“Good boy,” a condescending voice cooed, close to his helm. Felt like Dirge. “Keep this up, and maybe we won’t feel forced to use you as target practice… quite so much.”

The ripple of unkind laughter which simmered through the crowd was quickly replaced by a weirdly expectant lull, broken only by the sound of mechs jockeying for position, and the sound of approaching footsteps.

A new voice spoke up, somewhere just above and in front. “I should admit to being impressed, Ramjet. Your trine have actually done well, for a change.”

Well, there was no mistaking those gravelly tones. Suddenly, Slipstream didn’t really want to get up, any more.

“Thank you, mighty Megatron. It is an honour to serve!”

There were jeers from the rest of the assembly. An honour to serve! Get up off your belly, Ramjet; who’d you think you are; Screamer? Yeah, well done for kidnapping a sparkling.

Someone caught a hand under Slipstream’s shoulder and hauled him upright. He had to work hard to restrain a flinch.

Barely an arm’s length away, Megatron sat scrutinising him – elbows propped on his knees, leaning down towards him. The warlord looked good; not the scruffy, half-starved bundle of desperation the youngster had expected, from the disparaging way his family had taken to describing him. Poor Megatron, stuck on the wrong side of the spacebridge, squabbling with Autobots.

No, the mech sitting staring down on him looked clean and capable, well-oiled and powerful. Every inch the nightmare that could flatten everything on Cybertron, if he wanted.

“Slipstream,” he said, at last. “Considerably larger than last time we met.”

Slipstream didn’t recognise his own voice – thin and fracturing. “Yes, sir.”

Didn’t hurt to be polite, even if you did feel like purging a tank, right?

“I did expect more from you,” the old warlord finally said, at last, relaxing back in his chair. “As a sparkling, I could see the potential in you. A small mirror of your sire, who had been loyal to me for a very long time. With a little…” He wafted a hand. “…coaching, in the right direction? A little reminder of why this was the only faction that would ever truly understand you? The two of you could have been valuable assets in my campaign.” He elaborated a sigh. “Instead, I see just another unimaginative, whining Autobot, with the lack of ambition that comes as standard.”

Slipstream bristled. The words might have still been faint, but they were out before he got the chance to evaluate whether they were actually sensible to say; “I don’t think I asked for your approval.”

The blow came out of nowhere – an almighty, needlessly violent kick to the head, it sent him skidding across the deck. He fetched up against someone’s legs, puffing softly in alarm.

The bellow chased him across the floor; “Watch your manners, dirtcrawler!” Only just able to pick up the words through a haze of distortions, he wasn’t even sure who was yelling. The owner of the legs used their feet to hustle him back to the centre of the room.

He could feel a trickle of… something… begin to ooze down from his temple. His diagnostics couldn’t make up their mind on what they thought it was. He hoped it was only energon.

Megatron watched with a smirk. “Please don’t kill our guest before we’ve had the chance to make use of him.”

Dirge chose his moment perfectly. “Don’t worry, sir. If that one gets broken, we just use the spare.”

When the blue jet didn’t immediately elaborate, Megatron lifted his head briefly off his hand, and waved his fingers, impatiently. “Go on.”

Dirge waited until he was sure every optic was on him before opening his cockpit and extracting something small. He strode through the centre of the mass and with a flourish, placed it into Megatron’s hands. “First-instar sparkling,” he said, for the benefit of anyone without optics.

“Well this is very interesting,” Megatron purred, holding the small body up in front of his face; Skydash curled up, facing away from him, hugging her knees. “Dirge, I am very impressed.”

Dirge preened at the praise, thumbing his nose at the jeers from his comrades. “Thank you, sir.”

“Now. Where did you come from, I wonder.”

“Well, the little superstar here…” Dirge gave Slipstream a little shove and knocked him sideways, “was meant to be looking after it. Wasn’t counting on us coming along to spoil his orn, I guess.” He snorted and waited for Slipstream to wobble back to his knees before pushing him back over. “I figure they were so disappointed with their first effort – I’d be disappointed; I mean, not only a dirtcrawler, but an Autobot, too? – they decided to try again? That or Skywarp just never understood the concept of protection.”

“Always disappoints me when I realise you might be right. There’s grounder in it, again,” the warlord said, disappointedly. “Just can’t keep from polluting his code, can he? I can’t tell if it’s desperation leading to this lack of standards, or he’s just that easily swayed by a pretty face.”

Thrust leaned closer to his wingmate. “Does this mean you’re gonna lay off with the Primusawful Pit-screech, now?”

Dirge flattened his hand over his wingmate’s face and gave him a shove. “That’s one noisy little scrap of tin. Next time, you can try flying with it caterwauling in your cockpit.”

“She’s not caterwauling. She’s scared,” Slipstream spoke up, quietly. “I’m surprised a bunch of cowards like you don’t understand that. She’s had no part in your squabble, leave her out of it.”

“Did you forget the part we’re at war, you worthless nonentity?” Dirge closed a fist on the antennae spreading from the right of Slipstream’s helm, and dragged him halfway up off the floor.  Slipstream squeaked in pain and scrambled to get his feet underneath himself. “That makes everybody fair game.”

Thrust folded his arms and glared. “Good going there, scrappy. He was almost in a good mood, there. Now I’m gonna have to put up with him sulking all night.”

Megatron set the sparkling down on the arm of his chair; Skydash stayed huddled in the smallest ball she could manage, but looked too scared to try and escape. “Oh, I have a very specific reason for wanting you, Slipstream. I’m not going to make either of you fight.” He propped his chin back on his hand. “No, there’s one thing I know I can always get from your kind of pathetic, snivelling coward. You make excellent bait.”

Slipstream stiffened. A very large penny had apparently dropped.

“I know your, ah… family… will feel obliged to rescue you. Starscream won’t be able to resist the urge to try and show me up. Skywarp won’t be slow to follow, since he doesn’t have the brainpower for anything else. As for Thundercracker, well, when has that ditherer ever made a decision on his own, hmm?” Megatron sighed and shook his head, as though in regret. “But when I have finally destroyed all three traitors, in full view of the watching planet, no power in this universe will be able to stop me taking back what is mine.” His lips curved into a smirk. “It was so kind of that fool Starscream to do all the work for me, even if ultimately all he has created is another bloated, stagnating Autocracy. Waiting for me to step in and develop it to its true capacity.”

“They won’t come here. They’ll know it’s a trap. They’re not stupid!”

Megatron actually snorted. “If thousands of vorns of war has taught me one thing I can rely on with absolute certainty? It’s that your sire is most definitely stupid.” He gave the smaller mech a flat look. “Disappointing that it appears to run in the family.”

* * *

Starscream made remarkably good time back from New Vos, but didn’t appear to have the most appropriate target for his frustration in mind, as evidenced by the raging scarlet ball of temper that appeared in the empty infirmary doorway, wings hiked high on its back. “Remind me why I seem to be the last person to find anything out, around here?!”

“Excuse me?” Skywarp rounded on him so fast, Starscream actually flinched a step or two backwards. “I told you within a handful of breems of finding out for myself. You shut me down, saying I didn’t understand how important what you’re doing out in Vos is. Now you’ve apparently decided I wasn’t being a total moron for interrupting you, I should have told you faster?!”

Starscream puffed himself up, trying to avoid the need to admit Skywarp’s unexpected pushback had made him jump. “You know that wasn’t what I meant.”

“No? Educate me.” Skywarp leaned in. Their faces were almost touching. “What did you mean.”

A soft, fracturing voice broke through in the brief silence. “Guys… please?”

With one final glare at each other, they turned to find Thundercracker perched on the edge of the empty berth, looking surprisingly small and sick, helm propped in both hands, wings drooping.

“You’re both being kinda loud right now. I think this is gonna turn into a migraine and I really don’t want to be laid up for five orns, again.” He drew in a long stabilising sigh of cold air and shuddered, wingtips trembling. “I haven’t even started to think what I’m gonna tell Lara.”

“Primus, dude.” Skywarp leaned down and bumped cheeks, briefly. “I’m sorry. Lemme find you a cold pack or something.”

“That’d be good. Thank you…”

The medical supplies in the adjoining office weren’t strictly for machines to help themselves to, but most staff had learned that Skywarp wasn’t the sort to be put off by rules and regulations, and making things hard to obtain just increased the likelihood that he’d make an unholy mess while searching. Thundercracker’s personal supply of icepacks were in a small easily-accessible chiller just inside the doorway; his ‘migraines’ were thankfully infrequent, but fairly infamous as well, and having an icepack on hand sometimes made the difference between it lasting one orn, or six. And him being able to still see.

Skywarp helped himself to two, and waved a threatening finger under the nose of the mech that had followed him into the office. “Don’t. Even start.”

Starscream put his hands up in defeat. “I wasn’t going to. I’m sorry, all right?”

Skywarp grumbled wordlessly through his vents, but appeared somewhat mollified. “What then?”

“I was going to say, once we’ve got TC comfortable, maybe we should go home.” Something dark passed through the smouldering scarlet optics. “Someone wants our attention. I don’t feel inclined to keep him waiting.”

[angry-fishy8]

A story that'll never be published

I remember that night. We talked till the sun came up and you kissed me. Not like I was wanting or the kind you were hoping, but I think that's when we finally learned that there was something. I don't think I wanted to admit it, and neither did you,  so we kind of just forgot about that night. I mean why would we? I was plain and you were Mr. Fourteen. I gave up on closing myself because you told me to open up. God, looking at it, we were so stupid. But I'm not saying that being angry. I'm saying that with a huge smile on my face." +

I don't remember when I fell asleep but I woke up around three. Tyler still wasn't there so it made me worried. Are you really that mad at me? I just wanted to sleep but my brain wouldn't shut off. +

I grabbed one of Tyler's hoodies and grabbed a blanket. I didn't have an exact place where I wanted to go, but I didn't want to be in the hotel right now. I know I could've just went to talk to Brooklynn, but she'd just tell me off. +

When I had gone outside, the crisp fall air hit my legs before anywhere else. I guess shorts were a mistake. +

While I was walking I was replaying everything that happened today. Why would Tyler be so mad just because he pushed me away? I mean I guess in hind sight what I said after didn't really help. +

"I promised I wouldn't hurt you and that wasn't enough!" +

"It was!" I yelled. +

"Are you sure? Because everyone thinks that I'm the one trying." +

"What am I supposed to do, I told you I didn't want to ruin our friendship! Here we are! And here you are getting ready to leave." I grab his coat and threw it at him. "Do it, like everyone else." +

"Kate, this is just you worrying." he said calmingly. +

"GO! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" +

"Is that what you really want?" +

"You're gonna do it anyways! Might as well let me do it on my terms." I cried. "Because that's what you want right? To leave? It's obvious, you've wanted that for a while." I looked away while he stepped closer. "Leave." +

He stood there for a moment. +

"I really did love you." +

I could feel everything crumble. After a while of not responding, he left. And everything I had to offer did too. +

I sat down at the park where Mrs. K and us talked. I just sat staring at the stars waiting for something to happen. +

"Kate, sweetie, it's time for school." I heard my mom sit on the opposite side of my bed. "You've been here all weekend." +

I didn't pull the covers from my head but I'd been awake the entire night. +

"Bumblebee." I whispered. +

"Are you sure?" She put her hand on my leg rubbing it. "It's the last one for the semester." +

"Yes please." +

"I'll call the school and tell them you've been sick all weekend. You have your concert tonight though." She kissed my head. "Don't let this bring you down." +

Brooklynn: You left me alone all weekend and now? +

Kate: We broke up. +

She didn't reply. And I stayed awake just watching my wall. That was enough. +

There was a shooting star and that's what pulled me from my thoughts. I laughed. +

Story continues below

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"You weren't even that special." I whispered. +

"There'll be a day you can say you're okay and mean it." I sang. Secret for the mad by Dodie was the one thing that helped me when I was down. +

"I promise you, it'll all make sense again." +

"That's the song you want to sing for Senior Night?" Mrs. K asked. +

"Why not?" I laughed. +

"It just doesn't seem like you, I mean it fits your vocal tone beautifully, and the vibrato in your voice is lovely with it." +

"But?" +

"Sweetie." She patted my arm, "We can talk if you want." +

"I know." I fake smiled. "I think when I'm fully ready, you'll be the first person I'll talk to you. I promise." +

"Alright then, I'll remember that." she smiled. "How's college searching?" +

"I found a great culinary arts school." +

"Culinary Arts? Like your father?" +

"Through everything he put me through, our best memories are cooking." I played with my ring finger. "It's all I know." +

"And music sweetie." +

"Yeah, but I'll never be good enough for that," +

"I thought the same thing once. And here I am" +

I smiled. That was the best memory between us. I mean there are a million great memories, but the one on one moments are the best. +

"Kate?" I heard Tyler say. +

I covered up in the blanket more as he sat by me. +

"What are you doing here?" +

"I couldn't sleep." I said looking up at the stars. "Never seems to shut off when I want it to." +

"Same." He whispered. +

"I think I owe you an apology." +

"For?" +

"I'm not sure." +

"Then don't" he said sweetly. "Don't do that to yourself. If you said sorry for every time I did something wrong, then you'll never trust me." +

"But what did you do?" +

"What did you do?" +

"I let you leave and didn't talk it out with you." +

He laughed. "I didn't want you to feel obligated to. If you need space that's what I'm more than happy to give you." +

"Wait." +

"Yes that's why I left." he wrapped his hands around his legs. "What were you thinking about that couldn't make you sleep." +

I laughed. "Seeing Mrs. K today and talking about my fidget just made some unhappy memories pop up." +

"Like Alec?" +

"Yeah." He didn't respond so I pushed myself. "Is there anything you really want to know about my past?" +

He looked up at me but I didn't turn towards him. +

"Uhm no not really." +

"Come on, I won't lie." +

"Okay. Why do you play with your ring finger?" +

"Ahh the basics." I laughed, "I caught it when I first met Alec. He used to comment on how I would be a "beautiful bride". It was basically his way of trying to have me open up. Our friends would call him future husband and after a while we'd laugh about it. The first time he'd ever held my hand, he grabbed my hand and played with my ring finger." I started to rub it. "For Christmas, he bought me a little ring to put on it so I had something to play with. It was the first time he'd shown that he liked me. I always thought it was a game with him." +

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"So you didn't trust him when you first met him?" +

"No," I looked at the stars, "I didn't really like trusting guys." +

"Why?" +

"My dad." I grinned, "How cliché? The one guy who should give me unconditional love and make me think I'm really beautiful, actually made me think the opposite." +

"Did he ever-" +

"No, all emotional trauma. If I wore something tight fitting, he'd call me too fat. If I wore makeup it was too much. If I was asked out, he'd ask who'd ask me out. After a while I started to wear long sleeved shirts and pants every day. Even in the summer. Then my sophomore year, I didn't eat, and he'd tell me off. Asking why am I taking the easy way out. How is starving yourself to a certain image the easy way out? I had started to get so bad, I fainted in certain times. Basically anything he saw wrong with me, I saw wrong with myself times ten." +

"Oh." Was his only response. +

"Next question?" +

"Uhm, do you ever think you could fall in love again?" +

My heart stopped. "Sometimes I wonder that myself. But then I ask am I really capable of it?" +

"What do you mean?" +

"Like, I love seeing people in love. It's beautiful. Not just the honeymoon stage, but when you see a couple and know, yeah they fight, but they choose to give each other space, to think about if the fight was important or not. Then they pretend it didn't happen or they move passed it. It makes them stronger. It's like the strongest friendship, but more. I see that and I think, am I capable of that?" +

"And?" +

"I mean that's what we did." I didn't look at him but I saw from the corner of my eye that his mouth slightly opened. "I'm not saying I'm in love with you, but I'm also not saying I wouldn't be able to." +

"With me?" +

"With anyone." His jaw clenched. "The idea of opening up to someone scares me." I continued. "Think of it, if the men who are supposed to love you, support you, treat you with respect and dignity, if they chose to do the opposite, could you learn to love or even fathom the idea of it?" +

"I have." It was his turn. "My mom, we have a strange relationship, it's nothing like you and your dad, but it's close. She blamed me for my sister getting sick, when we first found out, and when I wanted to come and listen to what the doctors had to say, she'd just tell me no. She'd blame me for it." +

"I'm so sorry.." +

"Well after awhile I gave up on our relationship, how can you blame someone who had no iea what was going on?" +

"You can't." +

"But she did." his voice broke. "I think that's why I have such a strange relationship with girls, "Jennifers and Carries" they make it easy. Because I can shut it down. I can just refuse to get close to them, and they'll take a hint. Other than my sister, I've never had a strong connection with woman." +

"So you're scared." I said silently. "Of being hurt again. Of trying to jump and not knowing if that person is going to catch you or just leave." +

We didn't say anything for a while. But I took his hand. It wasn't in the romantic sense. I wanted him to know I'm willing to catch him if he was willing to do the same. Neither of us knew how to connect with someone of the opposite sex, and just grabbing his hand, it was the first step. +

"Together," I started. "I want us to take baby steps together." +

"In a romantic way?" +

I laughed, "No bozo, in a platonic way. Neither you nor I have any real sense on trust. you preach to me about dating but you've yet to notice we're in the same boat." I nudged him. "So why not take the same ride and see where we go." +

"As friends?" +

"As friends." +

"And if one day, one of us decides we want something more?" he squeezed my hand but he couldn't tell he was squeezing my heart too. +

"Then the other one has to be just as ready." I looked at him. "Deal?" +

"Is this your idea of asking me out in the future?" +

"No." I smiled noticing he was leaning in closer. "Because neither of us know if this'll work." +

"I have a pretty good idea that it will." He said inches from my face. Just before I could pull away he kissed me on the forehead. "When you're ready." He whispered. +

We sat there for a moment looking at each other and for a moment I could feel every negative thought drift away. He smiled and it made me smile just as wide. +

"There you are!" I heard a female voice squeal and I jumped away from him. "Tyler you forgot your key in my car." +

"Oh uhm thanks Lacey." He coughed. +

"Who's this?" we asked in unison. +

"Oh Lacey this is Kate the friend I told you about, Kate this is Lacey, I met her in a bar on my walk." +

And all the bad thoughts were back but they weren't about me. No they were about Lacey and Tyler. He looked at me and under the blankets squeezed my hand. +

"Pleasure meeting you Lacey." I smile letting go of Tyler's hand and getting up, "I guess you two should continue getting to know each other." +

"Are you his girlfriend?" The young blonde asked. +

"No." Tyler said before I could, "We're just friends." +

"Then why is she wearing a hoodie with your last name?" She pointed her hand at me. +

"Believe it or not friends share clothes." I laugh taking it off and handing it to her. "Believe me when I say, if he remembered your name after a while, you've got no threat from me. I'm just a friend." I strained. "Anyways, I need to pack, I've gotta get back to Pueblo tomorrow." +

Tyler stood up and grabbed my hand, "But we weren't supposed to go back till Monday." +

"Silly me, I forgot I put in a three day weekend." I smiled. "Again it was nice meeting you Lacey, you're in great hands with him." +

And I walked back to the hotel without my blanket, his hoodie, or a clear mind. +

"Stupid." I whispered to myself