#but — crucially!! — HE’S A BRIT

[whenthegoldrays]

Sometimes I think about that dramatic scene in National Treasure where Abigail is in danger of plummeting to her death and she and Ben both look and realize the Declaration of Independence is also about to fall down the abyss so Ben drops her (onto a ledge) to go get the Declaration and I’m like… this movie slaps but being in a situation like this requires a level of patriotism I have never had and will never have

[wadinginthevelvet]

whatever the opposite of britpicking is for American language patterns brits need to start doing it for Stranger Things fic immediately because I just read a fic where Steve Harrington (STEVE HARRINGTON in 1980s Indiana) said the phrase “christ but I love you”. literally what the fuck are you talking about

[criminalamnesia]

Alive

warnings: angst, sad Simon Riley, reader dies, gender neutral reader, no pronouns used for reader, mentions of death, no use of y/n, proofread but I’m human and might’ve missed something

summary: Simon loses you.

author’s note: simon deserves the world.

Simon Riley understood the risks of enlisting. He understood that he was one small cog in a machine, and although valued, he wasn’t crucial. He was a soldier, just like thousands of others that decided to put their lives on the line for something they believed in. If he had to lay his life down during his service, so be it. Maybe his sacrifice would make the world a little bit better.

Simon didn’t know what he believed now.

You were like him in the way that you understood the risks, but that’s where he thought the similarities ended. He was quiet. You were outspoken. He was harsh. You were empathetic.

He was your lieutenant. You were one of his sergeants.

It was against all logic for him to fall for you, yet he had. From the moment you’d been invited to join Task Force 141, Simon knew you would cause him trouble.

He knew by the way you threw your head back and laughed at one of Soap’s cheesy lines. Knew by the way you bested Gaz at pool. At the way you’d tried Price’s drink of choice, bourbon, and swallowed it down without any fuss.

He knew by the way you saw him as he was— not just as your superior or as ‘Ghost’— but as Simon. Simon, who cared deeply for his teammates, his family, beyond what his title required. Simon, who made shitty jokes at shitty times. Simon, who bickered with you over how to properly prepare tea.

He didn’t understand why you’d shown interest in him at first. He surely thought Soap would be the one to sweep you off your feet— but you shut the Scotsman down. You only had eyes for Simon.

He found out later that it was because the two of you were more similar than he’d previously believed. You were fiercely loyal, just like him. You never backed down from a fight, just like him. You dealt with shit quietly, just like him.

You understood him, and you didn’t push. You trusted him so completely, too. Fuck’s sake, you took a bullet for him.

“Ghost, move!” You had shouted, diving out of cover to shove the Brit behind a wall.

“What the fuck?!” He yelled at you, drawing his breath in shallow pants as his eyes narrowed at you from under his mask.

“You don’t listen for shit sometimes, LT,” you were shouting to be heard over the gunfire surrounding you. “There was a fucking sniper— you were gonna be shot!”

“He was a shit shot, Sergeant. I knew he was there—”

“Ghost, just say thank you,” you rolled your eyes and straightened.

“Bloody hell,” he grumbled as his eyes scanned you, and you looked at him with confusion.

“What?”

“Maybe tha’ sniper wasn’t shit after all. Gotta get you to a medic, c’mon—” he began, reaching a hand out to grasp your arm and tug you away from the firefight.

You furrowed your brows in confusion, you had no clue what he was talking about. You looked down at your body as you allowed Ghost to drag you along. That’s when you saw the crimson peeking out from the edge of your vest, and the first pang of pain finally hit you.

“Oh, shit. Didn’t even notice,” you grumbled, and you could hear Simon grunt ahead of you.

“Adrenaline. An’ the fact tha’ you were mad at me.”

“If I was mad at you, you’d know it. Just think you should show more gratitude since I saved your life and all.”

“I’ll show gratitude when you ain’t bleedin’.” He huffed.

Fiercely loyal. It was a blessing to the team and a curse to you. Loyal to the men you called your family. Loyal to the cause. Loyal to the mission, no matter the personal cost.

Simon wished you would’ve let him take that bullet. Maybe then he wouldn’t be here with the remainder of the 141, holding the urn containing what was left of you. The gold-colored metal felt cool against his bare hands. It was almost soothing, but it would soothe him more if you were still by his side.

He knew that he’d never get the image of you laying there lifeless out of his head. It had been quick. Shot right in the fucking head, execution style. Simon hadn’t even realized what had happened until the gunfire had subsided and Soap was yelling.

His heart had nearly stopped. He knew this happened all the time— a soldier’s death. But he never expected it to happen to you.

The task force had been on so many missions together. You’d all survived so much shit, and Simon realized that up until the moment he saw your lifeless body, he’d felt that the team was somewhat invincible. Yes, he knew the risks, but all of you had gotten out of worse before. It was naive to think nothing would happen, and Simon cursed himself for it.

He knew that the abruptness of your death was the reason he couldn’t quite comprehend it. One second you’re there, warning him of a shooter to his left, and the next you’re on the ground with a bullet in your skull.

“Bravest fucking soldier I ever knew,” Price’s voice is gruff with emotion as he speaks. One of his hands rests atop the urn. “Most loyal, too. Took a bullet for all of us, one time or another.”

The other men nodded their heads.

“Kindest person I knew,” Soap spoke with a soft voice. “Outspoken, but kind.”

“Fought until the end,” Gaz said with a frown. “Rest easy, love.”

Simon knew it was his turn to say something. Tears glistened in his eyes, threatening to spill and smudge the black paint around them. He knew how to be alone. He’d spent years alone. But this wasn’t just being alone— it was being alone without you.

He didn’t think he could go back to the way things were before he met you. He didn’t want to go back to the way things were. He wanted to fight and yell and get you to come back, but it wasn’t possible.

The hand he had in the pocket of his hoodie curled into a tight fist. The hand he had on the urn didn’t waver.

He didn’t want to say goodbye, to make this final. To close the door you’d opened when you stepped into his life and turned things on its axis.

“Rest in peace, love.” He spoke at last, his voice full of barely contained emotion.

There were too many things to say, but those were the words he settled on. ‘Rest in peace.’ He truly hoped you were at peace. Simon didn’t know what he believed came after death, but he hoped that wherever you were now, you were serene.

‘Rest in peace.’ It wasn’t goodbye, not explicitly. You’d always be with him— a dagger in his heart he couldn’t bear to remove. He’d carry the pain for the rest of his service, the rest of his life.

It wasn’t goodbye. You’d always be with him.

Price removed the lid of the urn. The men slowly removed their hands from the object, allowing Simon full possession as he drew his other hand out of his pocket.

He held the metal as delicately as he would hold you. You’d always laughed and told him you weren’t glass— you wouldn’t break. Simon knew that. Of course he knew that, he’d witnessed firsthand how tough you were.

But you were precious to him, and he treated you as such.

His fingers shook the slightest bit as he turned his body to face the edge of the cliff. It was a truly beautiful place, and Simon knew that if you could’ve seen it, you would’ve loved it.

A breeze picked up as Simon slowly tipped the urn. He watched the last bits of you flow through the wind. The other men of Task Force 141 turned and walked away quietly.

Simon remained there, rooted to the spot, until he could no longer see the scattered ashes of you floating in the breeze.

[sleepyverstappens]

Race engineer Gianpiero Lambiase about bond with Max Verstappen: 'Never again with anyone else'

Although Gianpiero Lambiase is a nice person to be around and also an easy talker, he rarely or never gives interviews. But the down-to-earth Brit is also a man of his word and honors the agreement made at the beginning of this year. The delay makes it extra clear that he does not necessarily have to come to the fore and his extensive range of tasks during a racing weekend logically takes priority. Now that both championships have been won, Lambiase joins me. Who is behind that voice that can be heard so often during Grand Prix? The man who always sounds so calm. Except for that one time, after the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix in 2021. So much so that many people still think that it is not Lambiase who is blaring on the radio, but the then reserve driver Alex Albon. Which is not the case.

Not a partygoer

The calm he so often radiates is one of his great qualities. “I think it is very important to be able to keep a driver calm in the heat of the moment,” said Lambiase. “That's just how I am, that's my character. What also plays a role is that – and I don't want to sound arrogant – I set the bar and my own expectations extremely high. Maybe too high. I want everything to go perfectly and I know full well that that's not possible. But it allows me to quickly rationalize and learn from disappointments. While maybe I don't celebrate the highlights as I could or should. Colleagues here will say that I am not a party goer, but that is just how I am.”

An example of this is the celebration, just hours after Verstappen won his third world title in Qatar. While he (Max) is once again lifted on the shoulders by his mechanics in the Red Bull garage, Lambiase walks with his hands in his pockets and casually walking to the start of the pit lane for the team's next photo opportunity. Another moment, last week in Mexico: when a fan has his picture taken with Lambiase, the local asks the engineer if everything is okay between him and Verstappen. It won't be the first and won't be the last time he hears that. Things sometimes get heated between the two, for example recently in Austin.

“But we never argue. Sometimes it takes more than one or two hours after a race to come together again. We both have adrenaline in our bodies, sometimes you need to have some time for yourself before you say things you will regret. And there are also moments when I think: I could have conveyed that better. Max will have that too. We may have different opinions, but in the evening or the next day it is always okay.”

Honesty underestimated Lambiase has been working at Red Bull since 2015 and has been active as a race engineer for fourteen years, so he knows better than anyone how good the mutual bond should be. “You know what is hugely underestimated? How important a part honesty plays in the relationship between a racing engineer and driver. Being yourself is crucial to working productively and efficiently. The moment you start thinking 'I don't know if I should say that, because he might get angry', you are on a lost cause."

So he is not afraid to push back from the pit wall. “I don't think Max would want it any other way either. He's not someone who wants to walk all over you. He is clear, to the point. That's how he was raised. His father Jos trained him wonderfully. I take over that task to a very small extent on the circuit, through my responsibilities as an engineer. That dynamic seems to work well. I'm not an expert in sports psychology at all, but you have to feel the character of a driver to achieve the optimal. That is something fundamental in my work: being able to trust each other blindly, but also having an eye for the emotional side. Especially nowadays, the mental aspect is increasingly important. It's not just about talent or the car, but how someone can deal with that talent and their emotions.”

In that respect, Verstappen seems to be doing well. And the Limburger has also been working with Lambiase to his full satisfaction since his first day at Red Bull's flagship. In fact, after winning his first world title, he even said that he would quit immediately if his race engineer gave up.

“But I can see through that. First of all, no one is irreplaceable. And secondly: there is no way that when I walk out that door tomorrow, Max's Formula 1 career will be over. It is nice that he says that and it shows how well we treat each other,” says GP, who now also reveals that there is an exclusive collaboration. “The day that Max and I no longer work together in this setting will be the day that I would like to take on a different challenge. I don't think it's fair to any other driver if we try to emulate what I've done with Max since May 2016. I see this as something incredibly special and don't think anything like this will happen again. So I hope that we will continue in this way until 2028 ( Verstappen's current contract runs til 2028, ed.). Unless he or the team decides otherwise of course…”

Important sensor At the pit wall, Lambiase is overloaded with information and data, but he emphasizes how crucial the input from the driver himself is. A regular occurrence during a race, for example, is the Englishman asking his Dutch companion whether he would like a different adjustment of the front wing during the next pit stop.

“We indeed receive a lot of information about the balance of the car and the condition of the tires. But the most important sensor is Max himself. We can make all kinds of assumptions, but these are such small margins. The feedback from a driver is very important.”

Since last year, Lambiase has also been the Head of Race Engineering at Red Bull Racing. As a race engineer, he has previously worked with Vitantonio Liuzzi, Paul di Resta, Verstappen's current teammate Sergio Pérez and his predecessor Daniil Kvyat. But what makes Verstappen so good? Hardly anyone can estimate this better than Lambiase. “In my opinion, he has learned a lot from the difficult moments that occurred in 2017 and 2018. He has developed a racing style that not many drivers have. In recent years he has also proven to be very skilled in risk management. In 2021 he understood that he had to finish every race and could not afford DNFs. That year was so incredibly important for his growth. With that title in his pocket and a competitive car in recent years, he can estimate very well how much risk he has to take on Sunday. And also during the qualifying sessions he knows that he does not always have to show his balls or be the 105 percent version of Max Verstappen.”

"I see this as something incredibly special and don't think anything like this will happen again."

Just as Lambiase says he learned a lot in his twenties during his early years in the world, with teams such as Jordan, Midland and Spyker. “I opened myself up to learning things from the smart people around me. Since then I have gained a lot of experience, also through all the technical and sporting changes in the regulations that have occurred. When Max was promoted to Red Bull in 2016, the days leading up to that first race in Barcelona were very hectic and tense. The expectations were sky-high and as a driver you have the feeling after such an intervention that you cannot disappoint the bosses. Of course, he already had a reputation and we quickly saw that he was an exceptional talent. I knew I was in it for the long haul with Max. That has also proven to be the case.”

Despite the many races and the associated travel, Lambiase is far from tired of his work. “This industry is so dynamic. The goalposts never stand still and we always strive for perfection. The excitement that comes with it is what challenges me. It may seem that way to people, but it is not easy to win even one Formula 1 race. Everything has to be right. You've seen this year in Singapore that when you do it wrong, you have a problem. The fact that Max has now won sixteen of the nineteen races is not just because the car is good. That is mainly because of him, and because we make the right decisions as a team.”

What does a race engineer do?

Four minutes. That's how long it takes Gianpiero Lambiase to briefly and concisely describe his many tasks as a race engineer. This goes much further than just talking to the driver during sessions on the asphalt. “Sometimes I wish that were the case,” he says, smiling. “As a race engineer at Red Bull, I am actually responsible for the entire operation of the car on the track. And I work together with all our specialists in the field of aerodynamics, simulations, the engine, you name it. Everything to try to have the best and efficient package on the track as possible.”

It doesn't stop there. “As is known, most of the development of the car takes place in the factory in England. But we as engineers at the circuit itself have the task of testing these new parts and thus drawing the right conclusions. Sometimes this is for the short term, to benefit from it during the race weekend. But sometimes also for the long term for the design of the car, for example for the following year.”

Of course, the car's setup often involves a lot of tinkering during the weekend itself. “Then it is important that the set-up and balance of the car are to Max's liking. That it doesn't have too much understeer or oversteer. There are hundreds of things we can change mechanically or aerodynamically, based on simulations, but also what we invented ourselves on the track during training. I also think I have an important voice in the strategy. As a race engineer you have a fairly large overview and you are in fact the person between the driver and the team. The driver's feeling is evident. In addition, our feedback to the factory must be good, for example what are the things that Max encounters. That in turn helps them to further develop the car.”

​

[bookwormangie]

Lily is absolutely flirting in Snape’s Worst Memory - but I think this is one scene that has dated the series and is easily overlooked if the reader is not a Brit of a certain age. Lily and James are bantering in that scene in the way that Beatrice and Benedick do in Much Ado About Nothing or the way that Elizabeth and Darcy have crazy sexual tension while she’s telling him that she hates him and that he’s the last person on earth she’d ever marry.

People don’t see it now because James’ approach has so many red flags that are widely acknowledged as red flags in 2024 that they see Lily’s responses as genuine disgust and dislike, instead of her getting drawn into his game because she’s interested. But it was obvious in 2003 what JKR was going for here. The implication is that Snape lashes out at her *because* he sees her half smile and her flirtatiousness in this moment, and properly realises for the first time that his ‘best friend’ is totally into the guy tormenting him in front of half the school.

None of this is to say that Lily wasn’t a) completely right to terminate the friendship and b) wasn’t overall a very decent person. But she’s supposed to be a pretty shit friend here - put any one of the trio in Lily’s shoes and imagine their response to the same situation and it becomes clear that her half assed, rather impersonal defence was indeed intended to be half assed. Now of course this is directed by JKR needing to keep the connection between Snape and Lily secret until the very end, but she makes this work retrospectively from a characterisation perspective in the Prince’s Tale by depicting a Snape who is difficult to be friends with and who doesn’t recognise what true friendship *should* be because he’s never had it, and a humanised (not a saint) Lily who’s been quietly realigning herself away from her difficult friend for a very long time without making it crystal clear to him what she’s doing. It doesn’t make her bad, it makes her a very normal 15 year old pretty, popular girl with all the positive traits that entails (confidence, vivaciousness, fearlessness) as well as the negative (thoughtlessness, a lack of empathy towards those less socially adept).

Thank you for your message, anon. 

I understand where you’re coming from, and while some people interpret the scene as flirting or as "laying the groundwork for their eventual romance," especially when viewed through the lens of classical literature and 'enemies to lovers' tropes, I see it differently. For me, attraction doesn’t automatically equal flirting. I do recognize subtle cues in Lily’s behavior that suggest she might be physically attracted to James, and yes, there’s some tension, but I wouldn’t categorize that as flirting. To me, flirting is intentional—a deliberate way to say, "Hey, I’m interested in you; let’s date.” That’s not what’s happening here. While Lily may have had some attraction to James, her intention certainly wasn’t to express that to him, particularly because his bullying and arrogance were significant turn-offs. This is consistent with the fact that she only began dating James in their seventh year when he supposedly "deflated" his ego and stopped bullying others. She valued the growth she saw in him, which made him someone she could consider dating at that point. (Whether he genuinely matured is another discussion, but I won’t delve into that here.)

I don’t deny that Lily’s conflicting feelings toward James might have influenced her defense of Snape to some extent, but to call her defense completely “half-assed" because she was supposedly “flirting” with James seems like a stretch. (Honestly, I’m considering posting the whole scene because it feels like people may have forgotten what actually happened or have only skimmed it.)

From an external perspective, Lily’s defense might appear somewhat weak or insufficient, especially given the severity of the situation. However, it's crucial to understand that this perception does not fully capture the complexity of Lily’s internal experience. Lily’s primary goal was to stop the bullying by publicly insulting and embarrassing James. She’s clearly trying to de-escalate the situation by first shouting at them, and when that doesn’t work, she takes out her wand, ready to escalate things if necessary. While it may not have been the most forceful defense, it was still a defense, and it clearly demonstrated her disapproval of their behavior. Initially, it even seemed effective, as James did perform the countercurse to the full body-bind curse. However, after Snape called Lily a Mudblood, she left, and James and Sirius resumed bullying him.

From an internal perspective, in my view, the primary factor influencing Lily’s defense was the state of her deteriorating friendship with Snape. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts and reblogs, their friendship was strained, and she likely had conflicting feelings about him. As you pointed out, she was gradually distancing herself from him due to his behavior. After years of standing by Snape, excusing his actions, and pretending everything was fine, Lily likely felt frustrated and betrayed. She was torn between her past loyalty to him and her current disapproval, making it challenging for her to respond more forcefully. While I do wish she’d done more (and she certainly could have), her feelings are understandable given everything that had transpired between them.

Regarding the notion that Snape noticed any "flirting," I respectfully disagree. Snape didn’t lash out at Lily because he saw her "flirting" with James or noticed any subtle expression. His focus was on defending himself from Sirius and James. Additionally, he wouldn’t have seen her expression since his robes were hanging over his head while he was suspended upside down:

"James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants."

The more likely reason for his outburst was that he felt humiliated and emasculated by James, especially when James said, "Lucky Evans was here Snivellus —,” as he let Snape down. That likely exacerbated Snape’s embarrassment, leading him to lash out with, "I don’t need help from a filthy little Mudblood like her." It seems like he was trying to regain some dignity, and the slur slipped out in a moment of anger and shame.

All in all, you’re right—Lily isn’t a saint; no one is. And while I’m not eager to compliment JKR the TERF, I do think she did a good job of humanizing her characters. Lily isn’t as fleshed out compared to other minor characters like James, and I do wish we’d seen more of her flaws. That said, her response to the situation, while somewhat imperfect, reflects the complexities of her character, which makes her more relatable and human.

While we may not completely agree, I appreciate your interpretation and opinion, anon. Thank you for sharing your perspective. 💫

*As a side note, I want to clarify that I’m not trying to excuse Lily for not defending Snape more effectively; I’m simply trying to view the situation from her perspective, as I do with other characters when analyzing them. Additionally, I want to emphasize that I’m not hating on Snape. Some people have taken my posts and reblogs about Lily as an excuse to criticize Snape, but that’s not my intention at all. I clearly identify as a "Snape defender" in my bio. Just because I’m exploring Lily’s perspective in SWM doesn’t mean I don’t also understand Snape’s situation. I have other posts dedicated to him on my blog.

[ladyluscinia]

I actually do think that possibly the main reason Edward's entire characterization arc around his relationship to enacting violence just... unceremoniously gets cut the second 2x08 opens is because it gets in the way of plot too much.

It's already getting yanked around by plot needs in S2 in general - They make him really push the boundary in the establishing Kraken era montage (gory discretion shot or no they aren't doing plausible deniability on "the big job" very well) and, yeah, ok, it does seem like they try to work with it being an evil-era rule slip and he returns to #NOkilling with Ned Lowe, and becomes fully #NOviolence to make him run away in 2x07. It's not an issue with Ned because they want Stede to kill him (and in the process play Ed's hugely complicated central trauma he could barely mention in 1x06 as a slightly funny speech opener, I guess? First red flag tbh). Ed's whole deal as a character gets fuzzier and more nebulous as the season goes on - and crucially more detached from his past traumatic experiences - but it doesn't really strain the writing because they can just have him stand around and look pretty from 2x04 to 2x07.

However... making their concept of 2x08 work if the primary badass can't actually hurt or kill anyone without having a breakdown would be really fucking hard.

The British soldiers who destroy the Republic of Pirates are introduced to be slaughtered mooks 🤷‍♀️ like, Jenkins is literally in interviews laughing about them being Stormtroopers who are there to die. The final episode is all about the plot of this daring escape / rescue from the occupied town. Also this conflict has all the makings to spill over into a potential S3, either with a payback plot against Ricky or getting run from the inn by the Brits hunting pirates like Rhys Darby keeps talking about. They literally have Blackbeard in this show and a hundred different ideas for kills they could shoot effortlessly cool in multiple fight scenes. Pulling off an awesome action sequence like this hinges on the heroes treating the mooks as disposable enemy cannon fodder, and it's not an issue because that's how plots work.

Except the little bump that all those people he could never bring himself to kill according to S1 rules would also have been - for all intents and purposes - enemy mooks. There's no difference. Edward's trauma means he can't kill Stormtroopers, either, and he hasn't been making any effort to change that.

So you cut the trauma or you cut the Stormtroopers, and Jenkins liked those Stormtrooper fights.

[saintsenara]

I really want to hear your thoughts on the wizarding world. So I have a question about British wizards' language skills. Canon tells us very little about British wizards and their relationship to languages. We know that Fleur, Victor and Madame Maxime can speak more than one language. (They are not British). However, we do know that there is at least one British wizard who speaks several languages. Percy and Ludo say that Barty senior speaks over a hundred languages. So, do you think British wizarding society has a general opinion about learning languages or is it more about what class a wizard is born into or what their future career plans are? After all, Hogwarts doesn't teach languages to students. I'd also like to hear your thoughts on these characters and their language skills. Do you think they can speak more than one language? Voldemort (parseltongue doesn't count), Dumbledore, Barty jr and Bill Weasley.

thank you very much for the ask, anon! and what an interesting question!

in harry potter, language-learning is one of those things which - since it's not a key aspect of the story - ends up not having any specific worldbuilding. and so it's one of those parts of the books in which the wizarding attitude towards foreign languages just seems to be exactly the same as the real-world british one.

which is - like everything in britain - enormously rooted in social class, and in things [like race and ethnicity] which intersect with this.

you will often hear, for example, that the working-classes don't bother learning foreign languages - but what is meant by this is that working-class people don't choose in large numbers to become proficient in the specific western european languages [french, german, italian, and spanish] which signify that someone is well-educated, culturally-sophisticated, and mentally non-parochial to the british cultural and intellectual elite. working-class people may very well speak one of these four languages - especially african and caribbean dialects of french - as native or heritage languages, and they may very well speak urdu, yoruba, albanian, polish, turkish, and so on for the same reasons... it's just that this isn't recognised as something impressive.

but it is certainly true that language-learning for reasons other than heritage generally isn't considered to be particularly important in class-brackets below a certain threshold in the middle-middle- to upper middle-classes.

partially this is for boorish, parochial reasons which align with certain strains of political and social conservatism. uncle vernon, for example, would regard language-learning as woke nonsense and be horrified if dudley came home from school and asked to be given loads of italian novels for his birthday... he would have a similar reaction if his son announced his intention to start playing the violin, take ballet, write poetry, become interested in impressionist painting, or eat the local food while on holiday.

[the grangers, in contrast, appear to come from the europhile wing of the upper-middle-classes - and would, therefore, regard it as horribly parochial to only speak english. we know they go on holiday to france in prisoner of azkaban - and i think we can imagine that this isn't the first time they do so, and that hermione and her parents can all speak conversational french. indeed, if hermione was privately educated prior to starting hogwarts - and all signs point to yes - she would have studied french at prep school.]

but british monolingualism is also partially because the global hegemony of english means that being able to speak anything else isn't crucial for travel, employment, or - indeed - emigration, since brits who aspire to move abroad often want to go to places like australia and new zealand.

and so language-learning has become - like music - an academic subject which seems to be thought of by many brits as "not a key skill" - unlike, for example, something like maths. nice to have if you've got a grip on everything else, but not a necessity... and so, for british children who are educated in state schools [public schools in the us], foreign languages are only compulsory for three school years [years 7-9, the equivalents of years 1-3 at hogwarts]. some schools insist on a language being taken at gcse [exams taken at the end of year 11 - hogwarts year 5, what owls are a pastiche of], but this is not mandatory.

[although it was at my school. slay.]

so it makes sense within this cultural context that there are no languages on the compulsory hogwarts curriculum - the intended audience isn't expecting there to be.

[although it's worth saying that ancient runes - while i know it has a whole fanon surrounding it which makes it a sort of spellcasting system - is a pastiche of latin/classical greek as school subjects, so there is at least one elective language students can study].

of course, it makes less sense that this is the case when we remember that jkr did french at university... and it also makes less sense that this is the case because hogwarts is based on real-world institutions - britain's elite boarding schools - which do prioritise language-learning, since the students come from class-backgrounds which value multilingualism as a signal of cultural status.

[seriously - while i accept that this is anecdotal - it was so striking to me when i was at university that all but three of the thirty-or-so people i ever met doing a degree in a foreign language, whether a european language or not, was privately educated. add in classical languages and that ratio gets worse.]

but i think we can get around this by noting that hogwarts is set up in a way which presumes that its entire student body has had a wizarding primary education - and not only that, but an elite one [since hogwarts does, even if this isn't the doylist text's intention, seem to apply some sort of selection process which means that students who aren't from well-heeled backgrounds stand out enormously]. and then by presuming that the primary curriculum which someone like draco malfoy would have studied [at home, probably with a governess] would have included some sort of language tuition.

i imagine that this tuition would be in a muggle language - non-human languages [like mermish or gobbledegook] seem to be regarded as sufficiently "niche" in the eyes of the population that they wouldn't be taught as a general skill, but either learned in one's own time or as part of the training for specific careers, such as goblin liaison; the fact that barty crouch sr. speaks so many just for fun is a way canon hints at him being a bit... weird - and i imagine that this muggle language would be french.

this is not, however, because i go in for the fanon that all purebloods are of recent french heritage and retain close family connections in france [names like malfoy and lestrange are anglo-norman - which means they arrived in britain a thousand years ago with william the conqueror, and are as meaningfully english as the word "beef" or "monarchy...], but because french is generally considered the most "useful" language to learn in britain because france is literally next door.

[irish is sobbing.]

when it comes to the characters you specifically asked about...

lord voldemort's pre-hogwarts education is a bit of a mystery - in that the fact that the text isn't concerned about fleshing it out means that he ends up being far better educated than would normally have been the case for a child of his background [simply by virtue of not being functionally illiterate...].

even if he went to a moderately well-resourced school by random chance, though, he's extremely unlikely to have formally learned any foreign languages. but the fact that the most common fanon locations for the orphanage are parts of east london which had historically large jewish communities in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries means that he'd have had a fair chance of picking up snippets of yiddish while he was wheeling and dealing around each day. east london also had a large irish community, and if the orphanage is a catholic one [which doesn't really work canonically but which is a headcanon i'm nonetheless wedded to], then he'd probably also have a bit of latin.

once he's at hogwarts, i presume he must take runes [since he's heavily implied, like all male characters the series considers to be intellectually brilliant, to have taken twelve owls]. nonetheless, while he's clearly a nerd - and while he loves a language puzzle, since he spends his teenage years coming up with an anagram of his own name [...] - he has a slightly harry-ish preference in canon for only enjoying lots of flicking-through-books research if it's for a tangible goal [i.e. opening the chamber of secrets]. i can't see him scouring textbooks in an effort to teach himself the european languages his posh friends would have learned at home unless he thought doing so would be unequivocally beneficial to him.

indeed, we canonically know that voldemort can't speak german, since when he's on his hunt for gregorovitch in deathly hallows a woman speaks to him in that language and he just defaults to the british standard of speaking louder in english... and i think we can reasonably assume on these grounds that he can't speak french either.

but he must be able to speak albanian fluently - simply out of necessity, since he spends so much time in the country.

and it's also interesting to me that during his ten years in europe after murdering hepzibah smith [so c.1955-1965], he is implied to spend a lot of time in communist europe, even if not in countries which were fully behind the iron curtain [he must, for example, meet karkaroff - and potentially dolohov - in some part of the eastern bloc, and the bulgarian delegation at the quidditch world cup know who he is]. i think it's entirely reasonable to suppose, then, that he must also be able to speak some level of russian.

dumbledore - on the other hand - can probably speak french, german, and italian, which would have been expected of the sort of late victorian young man who was preparing to embark on a grand tour, and which he undoubtedly taught himself in order to keep up his correspondence with the "most noted magical names of the day" [including grindelwald, to whom he probably spoke german].

i also quite like the idea of him as the sort of late victorian orientalist who crops up again and again in british history, who speaks a language like hindi, arabic, or ottoman turkish with a cut-glass english accent.

the various non-human language he speaks in canon - such as mermish - are presumably also self-taught, and the question which preoccupies me the most in relation to these is whether dumbledore can speak parseltongue?

after all, we know it's a language which can be learned by non-parselmouths - since ron manages to speak it in deathly hallows - and so it must have an actual structure rather than just be vibes. and if dumbledore can't understand it, then what the hell did he think was going on in the memory of the gaunts he shows harry?

barty crouch jr. was definitely forced to have endless lessons with tutors hired by his father, who wanted him to match his two hundred languages, but then forgot everything he knew about mermish the second he started school.

i am sure that - even if he doesn't seem to be able to during the canon timeline - bill weasley learns how to speak french fluently the second the war's out of the way. since this is a basic courtesy if your partner and her family is from france.

i am also sure that the three delacour-weasley children are raised to be bilingual, and that they take great pleasure in bitching about the three potter-weasley children to their faces.

the more interesting question, though, is whether bill can speak any gobbledegook.

it's implied that he might through his job - and he's asked in order of the phoenix about whether there's any pro-voldemort talk among the goblins at gringotts, which suggests that he's known to be able to understand any gobbledegook chit-chat he overhears. but it still always strikes me in deathly hallows that the imperialism really jumps out when bill's speaking to harry about griphook:

“I know goblins,” said Bill. “I’ve worked for Gringotts ever since I left Hogwarts. As far as there can be friendship between wizards and goblins, I have goblin friends - or, at least, goblins I know well, and like.”

this really doesn't sound like a man who takes the time to speak to his "friends" in their own language...

the fact that even the good guys treat non-human magical communities with - at best - paternalistic contempt is a really noticeable theme in the series [and, crucially, something which the series doesn't seem to think is a particularly bad thing]. and so i quite like the idea that someone like bill would have a lack of ability to communicate in gobbledegook, and that this would never be something he interrogated.

[louisminyard]

From Rolling Stone:

The Untamed Heart of Liam Payne

Mourning the kid brother of One Direction

By Rob Sheffield

October 17, 2024

The first night Liam Payne ever did a headlining solo show, the One Direction song he sang was a deep cut: “History.” It’s not the most famous 1D song, but it’s one of their most direct statements about the bond they shared with their audience. Liam surprised the crowd with it on that first night, at New York’s Beacon Theatre in June 2018, complete with a video montage of One Direction over the years, as he sang, “You and me got a whole lot of history/We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen.” For some reason, that’s the first song I turned to at the shocking news of Liam’s death on Tuesday. There are so many clips of Liam singing “History” in his solo shows, openly inviting the audience to celebrate that history with him. He always let them take over and sing the final hook by themselves: “We can live forever!”

“History” might seem like an odd way to kick-start your solo career, but it was a very Liam gesture — his way of keeping faith with everything that he, the band, and their fans built together. He honored the history they shared — but also the history everybody hoped he still had ahead of him. That open-hearted warmth was there in his songs, his voice, his effervescent onstage presence — that’s why so many people felt a deep personal connection with him, and kept rooting for him.

And that’s why the world is grieving for Liam Payne today, after the tragic and heartbreaking news about his death, after falling from a third-floor hotel-room balcony in Buenos Aires. He was only 31. The circumstances of his death are still mysterious. He was the 1D member who struggled most after the group ended. But something about Liam made it easy to hold out hope that he’d make it. He had a lot more to give, more history to make.

One Direction were a brotherhood — even when they were a troubled and pained brotherhood — with five very different personalities and aesthetics thrown together into an accidentally perfect combination. Liam always came on like the kid brother of the group, with his boyish air of vulnerability and eager-puppy live enthusiasm. He was the one who seemed totally guileless, wearing his heart on his sleeve.

That spirit was always there when he sang — you could hear something bruised and unguarded in his voice. In the 2013 classic “Story of My Life,” a hit he co-wrote, Liam sings the most pained lines alone: “She told me in the morning she don’t feel the same about us in her bones/It seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone.” As in so many 1D songs, the boys tell the story together, tossing the mic back and forth. In the video, there’s a childhood photo of Liam posing with his family, then morphing into the adult Liam, gazing into the mirror as he sings the key line, “Although I am broken, my heart is untamed still.” It’s a moment that encapsulates everything people loved and connected to about him.

One Direction were never just a boy band. They were a whole new paradigm for a pop group, and Liam was a crucial reason why. Instead of doing corny choreographed steps, they gave one another room to explore their individual voices. Niall Horan had his Irish folk-music affinities; Louis Tomlinson had his Brit-pop rock-star swagger, as if he’d just stepped off the Oasis tour bus; Zayn Malik quit to pursue his hip-hop and R&B style. As for Harry Styles, he decided to turn into Stevie Nicks times Bowie times the Stones times Elton times Joni, before taking off into his own solo stratosphere.

Liam seemed like the baby of the bunch at first, yet he became an ace songwriter, from the cocky pop punk of “No Control” to the heartache of “Fireproof.” When 1D made three of the all-time great pop albums in a mad rush — Midnight Memories in 2013, Four in 2014, Made in the A.M. in 2015 — they were often singing Liam tunes. He became a major creative force, co-writing gems like “Diana,” “Little Black Dress,” “Fool’s Gold,” “Steal My Girl,” “Clouds,” and “History.”

One Direction formed on TV, on the U.K. X Factor with Simon Cowell. As everybody knows, TV singing contests are never the start of a promising group — maybe with solo artists, you might get a long shot like Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood or Adam Lambert, but not groups. Nobody expected greatness from 1D — they didn’t even win X Factor. (Liam’s big solo songs on the show were the lounge standards “Fly Me to the Moon” and “Cry Me a River.”) Even people who loved their debut hit, “What Makes You Beautiful” — and everybody loved it — assumed these lads were just destined for a year or so of boy-band radio fun. But they built a unique bond with their fans. Liam always had his own exuberant charm live, a bit of a cheerleader, but intent on making a direct connection with the crowd. “You’re the greatest fans in the world because you all fell in love with a song called ‘No Control,’” Liam yelled at New Jersey’s MetLife Stadium, on 1D’s legendary 2015 tour, one of the best live shows I’ve ever witnessed. “You made it your own!”

Liam wasn’t the biggest One Direction fan in One Direction — that would be Niall — and admitted he often had trouble getting along with the others. But he was deeply attached to the group identity, and he was the one who had the toughest time moving on. 1D went on an alleged hiatus in 2015, a charade that dragged on for four years, until Harry finally came out and declared in Rolling Stone that the group was finished. Liam, unlike the four others, seemed confused about what to do next. “How do you go from there?” Liam asked in his infamous 2022 Logan Paul interview. “I still don’t know who I am. I replicate different people on a daily basis.”

THE LAST TO test his solo wings, Liam started on the wrong foot with “Strip That Down,” his unfortunate 2017 debut single with Quavo. He tried to dismiss the group, rapping, “I used to be in 1D/Now I’m out free/People want one thing from me/That’s not me.” He sang about boozing and grinding on groupies — two months after becoming a dad — as Quavo added the hook, “She gonna strip it down for a thug.” There are many words you could use to describe Liam, but “thug” wasn’t one of them. Yet he seemed to shrug off his debut album, with the title LP1, as if he’d already given up on it. His long-promised follow-up never happened, although he released the March 2024 single “Teardrops,” written with ‘NSync’s JC Chasez.

He had well-publicized problems with substance abuse. In 2022, he alienated fans with a disastrous (and drunken) Logan Paul interview, where he bragged that Simon Cowell built the whole group around him. “He kind of started with my face and then worked around the rest,” Liam said. “I’ve never told that story before.” He boasted that he was 1D’s most successful soloist, claiming “Strip That Down” “outsold everybody within the band.” (The U.S. Number One hit at the time was Harry’s “As It Was,” in the middle of a 15-week run at the top.) Liam wisely took this interview as a sign that he needed to go to rehab. But his troubles continued. He once revealed that he was terrified his son, Bear, born in 2017, might grow up to be a pop star. “Bear loves music, which kind of scares the crap out of me,” he told the U.K.’s Hits Radio Breakfast Show. “This job’s a bit scary … the amount of stuff that comes with it, you really have to be in it. So as a parent, you’re like, ‘This is a little bit scary, mate. I don’t know.’”

When he did his first solo shows as a headliner, in 2018, he was clearly touched by the affection from the crowd. “I’m so overwhelmed,” he said in New York. “I’ve missed that sound since I played with my boys.” He mostly sang cover versions, doing recent hits by Ed Sheeran, Pink, Zedd, and Charlie Puth. But the emotional payoff was “History” — the room erupted as he pleaded, “This is not the end! This is not the end!”

It was a vulnerable moment, for sure — he didn’t try to hide how much he needed those cheers. Yet it was also a profoundly generous moment — acknowledging that the fans were in the room because of their shared history, the same reason he was there. One Direction’s history is still expanding, as their music just keeps getting more influential and beloved, nearly 10 years after they split. There should have been many more chapters in Liam’s history. But that emotion he brought to “History” sums up everything people loved about him. Moments like this are the words that will be written on his stone. That’s Liam Payne as the world will remember him, and that’s the Liam Payne we’re all mourning today.

[thealogie]

dt was visibly gray around the temples at the 2021 brit awards so he is dyeing his hair but also i don't think he's solidly going gray yet. just to add another voice on this crucial topic

Some people start going gray at the temples though. This isn’t conclusive. But if he’s dyeing his hair he’s doing it to protect the public from the frenzy that will be caused by salt and pepper David Tennant

[mrs-toohot]

Ryder, decoded

So the THTH writers apparently googled “Australian slang” and went copy/paste into his dialogue with absolutely no concept of what any of it means or how commonly it’s used.

So, as your resident Australian, I’m going to translate for you.

Below, you’ll find the examples I found so far, a translation, and a rating out of ten for how commonly it’s used / how accurate the slang is.

Disclaimer: I am born and raised Aussie. My ancestors were convicts. And while I do live in a major city, I grew up in the most country of country towns; population 847. So I am fluent in Aussie.

So without further ado:

Buggers.

If you look up the word buggers you’ll find it’s short for buggery which is the act of engaging in anal sex. But it’s not really used that way any more. I would never use “sexy buggers” that’s kinda weird. It’s only ever used these days as a light-hearted term, such as “cheeky bugger”(usually said with a hair ruffle). Alternatively, you can say someone’s “playing silly buggers” which means they’re messing around/being silly.

Accuracy of usage: 6/10

True-blue.

I see this and I think of this song which I believe they may have played at Steve Irwin’s funeral. It’s basically the same as “proper” or “right” for the Brits. Interchange with “verifiable”. Is entirely a stereotype and wouldn’t even be used ironically these days. In its place, we would use “fuckin’”. The only time this word is used is when you’re describing someone as “he’s a true-blue Aussie battler” (he’s very Australian)

Accuracy of usage: 1/10

Sheilas & blokes.

No. Absolutely not. Sheilas 🤢 is a way of describing a group of girls, but it’s very outdated. You could still call a guy a bloke, but it’s not interchangeable with “guy”. A bloke is specifically very traditionally Aussie & masculine, and you’d almost be more likely to use it as an adjective (I.e. “he’s a bit blokey”). I’ll be honest, you want someone who’s “blokey”, think “Gary from LITG”.

Accuracy of usage: 1/10 and 4/10 respectively

Ripper

Means ‘great’. And unless it’s in relation to specifically calling someone else a ‘ripper legend’ (shortened to ‘ripper ledge’) it’s not used commonly whatsoever.

Accuracy of usage: 2/10

Bonzer

No. Absolutely not. Never in a million years would bonzer be used today. It also means ‘great’ but this can’t even be used ironically. Even in the deep dark depths of country western NSW, using this word will get you looked at weird.

Accuracy of usage: -10/10

Crikey

Sorry to disappoint, but this one’s also a no. It means essentially “wow”. The only time we’d use this is to amuse internationals. We associate this word with ol’ mate Steve as much as you do.

RIP buddy 🪦

Accuracy of usage: 2/10

Fair dinkum & arvo

You’d ask if something was ‘fair dinkum’ if you were questioning if the aforementioned statement was true, or you were trying to figure out if someone was for real. “I’m Spider-Man”, “oh, fair dinkum?” It is… not common. Very outdated and only your countriest of the country boys would use it (and only if they’re 60+)

Now- ARVO- this is a different story. I use arvo EVERY DAY. It is short for afternoon and I don’t remember the last time I used the full word. “What’re you doin s’arvo?” Absolutely used every single day.

Accuracy of usage: 3/10 and 10/10

Have a squiz and take a gander

Both mean the same thing: take a look. Do not ask me where they come from but welcome to Australia. I have definitely said “give us a squiz” or “I’ll take a squiz” lol. The latter is still said but only by much older people. A funnier version ( only said ironically) is ‘have a captain cook’ (rhyming slang for ‘have a look’)

Accuracy of usage: 9/10 and 7/10

Have a yarn

Means ‘have a chat’, ‘talk’, or ‘shooting the shit’. This is actually really commonly used by indigenous Australians, and ‘yarning’ culture is really crucial and involves a cuppa tea 😁 I liked seeing this one pop up.

Accuracy of usage: 10/10

Possible upcoming slang:

Yeah, nah: No

Nah, yeah: Yes

Have a root: Sex

Pull your head in: Calm down, get it together, wisen up

Ta: thank you

Sweet as: sounds good

Righto/Righteo: alright

No worries: not a problem, that’s okay. Often said in conjunction with ‘she’ll be right’

No wukkas: no worries, short for “no wukkin furries” which is an intentional mispronunciation of “no fuckin’ worries”.

Bloody oath: bloody hell/Fuckin’ hell

Ocker/yobbo: super Aussie guy, see “bloke”. Specifically very country.

Drongo: forbidden phrase. Never used ever. Means an idiot/dork. If they use this I quit.

Flamin’ galah: said ironically, very funny. Said seriously, no.

Dropkick: super common. Similar to derro or deadshit. A loser, someone who is going nowhere in life.

Derro/deadshit: derro is short for derelict. Someone who bums cigarettes at the train station. Wears thongs (flipflops) everywhere even in winter.

Bum: (verb) to bum sth: to beg for/ ask for / grift for. “Can I bum a smoke off ya” (often followed by “I’ll pay you back”)

Let’s see what gems they come out with this week, shall we?

[a-week-of-formula-1-reviews]

Round XVII - Baku, Azerbaijan 🇦🇿

Salam və Bakıya xoş gəlmisiniz! 🇦🇿

We returned to the Land of Fire, expecting who knows what. And we got another race where everyone went into it thinking; "what on earth is going to happen?"

And we were not disappointed. McLaren, the team who have foughg tooth and nail this season, have finally taken over the lead of the Constructors Championship for the first time since 2014. And it was an impressive drive from both of their men to get there, with Oscar winning his second race of the season, and Lando clawing his way past the field to finish in 4th, crucially ahead of Max, helping his bid for the Drivers' Championship. It was a great team effort for the guys and girls in papaya, and they would like to keep the momentum heading into Singapore.

Whilst there was smiles at McLaren, the same can't be said for Red Bull and Ferrari. And whilst the debate on who turned into who will continue until the checkered flag at the next race, what we know for certain is that Carlos and Sergio's crash has not helped either team. With both teams only having one driver finish the race, this helped McLaren to move ahead in the championship, opening a small margin of daylight in the threeway fight. It ruined a promising weekend for Sergio, who had out performed Max for the first time in a long time, and hindered Carlos' effort at his first podium since Austria.

And further down the pack, it was the hour of the rookies, as both Ollie and Franco proved experience isn't everything. First, to Ollie, who became the first driver ever to score points for two different teams in an F1 season. Having out qualified Nico on Saturday, the young Brit showed the world why Haas had employed him full time from next season, as he dazzled as Kevin's replacement for this race. And, after a momentous first points for Franco, the young Argentinean showed that, even if it's your second ever F1 race, all you need is an incredibly focused mind (and huge balls) to pull off an incredible drive.

Another double header means it's not long until we head back to track, and back to Asia for the dazzling lights of Singapore. Hopefully we will see more adrealine inducing moments like this weekend. Until then, however...

Hələlik sağol! 🇦🇿

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Total 2 2000 Tech-House / Minimal Techno / Ambient

I've definitely done this before, but in order to kick off this post, I'm gonna have to rely on prolific electronic music opinion-haver Ishkur at length here, because he and I seem to be completely simpatico when it comes to our thoughts on the mostly bad phenomenon that is tech-house music:

Somehow by incorporating the strengths of both Techno and House, Tech House succeeded in appealing to neither. So the result is something frustratingly banal and monotonous when it really shouldn't be… Tech House straddles the razor-thin tightrope of something that doesn't have enough funky warmth for House yet not enough cold mechanicalism for Techno, so what comes out instead is something stiff, repetitive, and boring. It's such a disappointment, like the last season of Game of Thrones. Tech House had real promise. It could have done great things with the tools it had. And it's something everyone hoped would happen, like feeding Scrabble tiles to a dog to see if it shits out a word. But instead Tech House wasted its potential on pretentious Berlin nightclubs and that aimless, meandering noodlyness that the Brits are fond of, like a 70s prog rock solo that goes on for way too long. Technically interesting but utterly soulless… Tech House can be good. There is honestly good Tech House out there. I've even heard some. But finding it is a Herculian task of Sisyphian anguish in a Kafka-esque, Orwellian realm of Dostoevskian torment. It is possible to load up your music player with nothing but Tech House mixes, hop into your car, and drive to the other end of the continent and back and never hear the same song twice yet never hear an interesting song once. The odds of coming across decent Tech House are worse than needles made of diamonds in a rough full of haystacks.

So, yes, I 100% co-sign every single word of that. Ishkur did not teach me to think this way about tech-house, he just merely put it into words that already happened to mirror my exact thinking on the subject. In a similar way to progressive house—another genre that I don't like all that much—the sounds being made to create tech-house may be interesting and innovative themselves, but the way that those sounds are then combined typically yields something totally listless and often way too steady to be enjoyed. Like Ishkur says, the pieces are literally there to make something dope, but tech-house just seems largely unconcerned with a very crucial aspect of dance songcraft writ large—one that requires a tune to excitedly or satisfyingly grow, progress, and/or change over time.

See, to me, a lot of tech-housers really feel like people who are just cynically making dance music for the sake of it. It's like they heard house and techno and said, "oh, yeah, I can do that. That's easy. It's just looping up the same shit over and over again." And it's, like, "no, motherfucker, that's actually not at all what this is about. You really have no idea, do you?"

But guess what? They're actually not totally wrong here. Tech-house may legitimately be, overall, the most boring form of dance music that I've ever encountered in my life, but there are evidently more than enough people in this world that somehow derive satisfaction from it in order for it to have been able to successfully sustain itself for over two decades now. It's just that the people who enjoy it are like the dance music equivalent of those who, after a long and grueling day of work, like to go home and kick back with a blissful session of Lawnmower Simulator 4 😌.

So here's the second dispatch from Cologne-based label Kompakt's long-running Total series, a turn-of-the-millennium sampler that, despite it having a good deal of unique quirkiness to it, still somehow manages to bore me to absolute tears. Maybe if you've been following me long enough, you remember that I once posted about the first volume of Total, and concluded that the first half was excruciatingly boring, but the second half was fantastic. No such luck here. This is pretty much just that first half of the first Total, but doubled. Most songs start in a way that'll have you thinking, "Oh, yeah, this is pretty cool, this definitely sounds like it could be good," but then Lucy ends up pulling the football each time 😩.

Case in point, M. Mayer's "Amanda," a five-and-a-half-minute song with so much promise and a neat 80s new wave-pop edge to it too. When this thing first starts up, there is no sign that this 80s edge is going to materialize itself in any way, shape, or form, but at a little past the one-minute mark, it starts to lather itself in. And then, as you find out, this early, appetizing moment actually ends up representing the song's entire creative apex! I mean, we still have, like, over 80% of this whole tune to go, but I promise you, not a single interesting thing occurs in its very large remainder. Again, like Ishkur says, it's just so utterly aimless. This song exists because someone made it, but the idea that it has any sort of actual purpose in this universe is really questionable at best.

Like, all of this is just so maddeningly confounding to me. It's like these musicians really do genuinely find themselves on to something each time, and then rather than trying to push further, they decide that they're actually finished and just let whatever half-baked thing they've built ride itself out on an agonizingly long plateau until it thankfully takes a nose-dive off the side of a cliff. It really drives me nuts, because you can hear a possibility of something enjoyably substantive coming to fruition, but it's like there's also this inherently natural aversion to the idea of having to lift more than one finger too; everyone is just so content to glide down the bunny hill, and people are more than willing to vociferously cheer it on. It really makes not a single lick of goddamn sense to me, but there you have it—my tech-house take.

Read more Ishkur.

No highlights.

[umlewis]

Every Traveler Needs to Try Lewis Hamilton's Hotel Hacks [part 1/2]

The F1 driver has mastered the art of resetting his body clock and getting comfortable on the road.

Lewis Hamilton first stepped into the Mercedes-AMG Petronas car over a decade ago. Before his signing, Mercedes was struggling to produce as a team, but with the young, cunning Brit behind the wheel, things changed. Since then, Hamilton has scored the record for most wins, pole finishes, and podium finishes in the most competitive motorsport in the world. No matter how gifted the athlete, leading the pack like that doesn’t come solely through natural ability, and the driver has found a formula for success that follows him across the globe. Men’s Journal spoke with Hamilton on how he prepares to drive circuits he’s never seen before at speeds over 200 miles per hour, his favorite cross-training activities, and the travel routines that keep him at the front of the pack.

Men's Journal: F1 Las Vegas Grand Prix has a start time of 10p.m. PT. How are you prepping for a night race—any hacks? Lewis Hamilton: Preparing to drive a new track means as much simulation work as possible to get a feel for the course. I have two full days that I’ll do in the sim before I land in Vegas. It’s important to adjust your internal clock, so before we get to Nevada, the team is spending some time in Los Angeles. I’m already adjusting my mornings to waking up and going to bed later to fit with the schedule of a night race. I’m also making sure my meals and nutrition intake fits the new schedule. The key is adjusting the light I’m taking in—using different bulbs with different brightness so I can maintain a good circadian rhythm. Since we travel so much, I always make sure the rooms we’re staying in have blackout curtains so I can get a deep sleep at any hour. I like to keep the room cool, which makes the bed more welcome. The bed itself is also crucial, I like a firm pillow because I like to sleep on my side. The ones I have at home are Tempur-Pedic. Do you struggle with sleep? I’ve never been a great sleeper. For years I would go to bed at 2 or 3 in the morning and sleep for about five hours. But, to be honest, that worked for me, because our days are leading up to the the main event, which is later in the afternoon. So if I wake up at 5 in the morning, I’m probably peaking a lot earlier in the day than if I wake up at 8. So I’m sticking with waking up later, though these days I’m trying to get more like seven hours of sleep a night. The Mercedes Benz team has a partnership with Marriott Bonvoy and The Ritz-Carlton, which seems like a smart one given how much you travel. How do you make a hotel feel like a home away from home? One of the most important amenities is a coffee machine in the room, because I like to have coffee when I wake up on race day or any day for that matter. I love to play music, it calms me so I’ll have my music equipment in the room as well. I have a keyboard that folds in half so it’s easier to travel with. I really want that hotel space to feel like home. The Marriott team takes that to another level, and sometimes they’ll even have a picture of my dog, Roscoe, on the nightstand. It’s also about what I have them take out of the room. I have them take out all the snacks and anything from the minibar, because when you're working strange hours your body can crave comfort. The easiest way to get that is from food, so I want to eliminate any temptation I might have to deal with later. Instead, I’ll make sure the fridge is filled with healthy snacks like fruit. What’s the most challenging part about being a Formula 1 driver? The Formula 1 season is very challenging for all the drivers. We're going to 24 different countries, maybe more throughout the year, sitting in planes all the time. Rest and recovery is a huge part of making sure we're on point when it comes to showing up to the races ready. There's an immense amount of travel involved. My mindset is greatly benefitted by meditation, so I try to prioritize it. I don’t always get to, and I can feel the difference, but the schedule can get very hectic. I always do better when I can put that focus into my mental game. I like to start my day with positive affirmations, no matter what state I’m in, and focus on the things I want to do. That’s where things like playing music comes in handy. Competing has become very serious business, and we work hard, perhaps too hard. There’s immense benefit to smiling to the body and mind. Exercise is also a great way to help me stay sharp, on top of being critical to succeeding in motorsports.

[universe-in-the-void-in-the-cube]

Grievances Involving a Pig (An Hetalia Fic)

“Why in the hell is she… a… a… a child! She is too damn young to be helping in the war effort running around with your servicemen in the middle of the desert, let alone working on something as crucial as the Manhattan Project!”

The Brit was adamant about Washington’s involvement when it came to the bomb, but Alfred had no choice, Robin begged and pleaded with him to be part of the war effort and to help. And the kid had a good head on her shoulders when it came to physics and math that he couldn’t have said no to her.

“Sorry Arthur, but Robin is a godsend and besides she is in good hands when she is bouncing around from place to place talking to the guys. So why not.” The American smiled as he sipped on a bottle of Coke.

“The guys? What guys???” Arthur snapped as he slammed his hands on America’s desk practically snarling at the younger nation.

Alfred just looked at him, he wondered if jolly ol’ England still had a vendetta over Robin eating the potato eating pig from the last century. It wasn’t Robin’s fault; it was England’s pig farmer that didn’t keep his damn pig pinned up properly.

Sighing Alfred told him the guy’s Robin was hanging out with. “Robin is currently with Julius, but she has been working with Enrico, Richard and John. And on an occasion or to with Albert who sees Robin as a very bright child with a future in physics and astronomy. So how can you complain about that?”

Arthur was totally surprised on who Robin was helping. “Fermi, Feynman, Von Neumann? Really?”

The Brit thought for a moment and shook his head, was Alfred telling him really true? ‘Those are the brightest minds in the US… and Washington state was helping them. “No, no, no… Albert as in…”

Before Arthur could say anything, Alfred smirked and nodded his head yes. “Yes… Albert as in Einstein. He adores Robin.”

“And who is she with right now?”

“Oppenheimer.” Alfred said as he finished his Coke.

“What about your military men that are from the Ozarks and the Appalachians that are assigned here at Los Alamos? If someone as young as Robin was running around the adults working, wouldn’t you be worried that a small few would take a liking to her? Or are you forgetting that it is normal for girls Robin’s age to get married to older men in those places.”

But before Alfred could speak, another voice was heard coming into America’s office. “That is why America asked me to hang around her.”

Turning around was Iceland who looked miserable. “You look out of your element Emil, you sure you can handle the New Mexican heat?” Arthur asked.

“I got you some cold-water Emil.” Robin said as she ran into the office and handing the Icelander some ice water.

“Thanks Bobby.” Emil said as he started chugging down the water.

Robin sighed, “Don’t call me that!!!”

Emil chuckled as he looked at the young brunette girl, but then the mood changed when he saw Robin’s chocolate brown eyes meeting Arthur’s emerald green ones and the tension in the room started to grow.

Robin glared as she coldly acknowledged Arthur, “Hello… Iggy.”

“Well, well, well; look who we have hear… a teeny, tiny little girl.” The Brit mocked the state, “Shouldn’t you be back home safe where you should be and not hanging around the adults causing trouble for them as we try to win a war?”

Arthur knew that if she was going to insult him with that name that it was only fair that he does the same, after all Alfred did say she was hanging around the adults, so she better deal with adults giving her attitude.

She smirked back, slowly at first as she quickly picked up on his cruel British wit of his. Then she said the two words that she knew that would piss him off. “Yummy… piggy.”

Emil looked at Alfred and Alfred looked at Emil. Both of them were aware of the Pig War between the Washington Territories and the British Empire’s Hudson Bay Company; also, both were aware that if anything it was a touchy subject between both Washington and England.

“Why you nasty, little rag-a-muffin! How dare you say that!!! You had no right to kill or eat that pig!!!” Arthur started turning red in anger as he was quickly starting to fume in anger.

Robin quickly shouted back. “I wouldn’t of have ta if you would have kept the piggy out of my yard eating my potatoes!!!”

“How dare you yell at me! You should respect your elder’s young lady! You have no manners and no respect for me!!!”

Jumping up and down in frustration with her hands in cliched fists and eyes tightly shut as she yelled back to him, “Yummy piggy, Yummy Piggy, YUMMY PIGGY!!!”

Well, that did it, Arthur wasn’t going to take this kind of behavior from any child, even if that child was a personification like him. He was about to smack her across the face when she stopped on his foot and stuck her tongue out giving him the child version of the bird before running to find Oppenheimer.

Emil sighed as he ran after her as Arthur was hopping around holding on to the foot Robin stomped on. “What a nasty little brat!” Arthur said in an annoying huff of pain, then he heard Alfred snickering. Looking at the American coldly he asked, “What is so funny?”

Alfred just smiled and sighed, “Yummy piggy.”

[ronaldofandom]

A Bond Like No Other (RRR / Charak fic)

After 9 months of being obsessed with them, I succumbed to writing my first Charak fic. This is bromance; this is how we know them.

Summary: BTS of 'Naatu Naatu' shooting

Title: A Bond Like No Other (RRR / Charak fic)

Creator: Ronaldofandom

Giftee: @ladydarkey

Prompt: Charan & Tarak pulling a prank on SSR on set

Relationships: Charak (purely bromance, nothing more)

Rating: For General Audience

Warnings: None

Created for: @celebrrration Holiday Swap 2022

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They loved Rajamouli to bits. They respected him infinitely. They adored him to the moon and back. The man was one in a zillion. The gargantuan storyteller. The wizard. The alchemist - turning innocent emotions into a force of nature. The myth. The legend. The one and only. 

Very rarely, though, in select moments, they wanted to throw a chair at him. Or a mic (which was his preferred weapon for throwing as well). Or anything that is close range, actually. His zeal for perfection was admirable. But it could be anal. So so anal. To the point where he was the only one to spot a perceived aberration that even computer vision could not spot.

They had been having one of those moments for the last 15 days. He had flown them to Ukraine to shoot the ‘Naatu Naatu’ sequence. He had briefed them at length as to how this would be the most pivotal and potentially most popular song of the movie. He also explained to them how this is like a movie within a movie. It was Bheem’s struggle to get to Malli, via Jenny. In his innocent ways, he would conclude that this would be the only possibility for him. This would also be a realization for Ram about how dear Bheem really is to him. This is also the beginning of the revolution - where they defeat the Brits at their own game and refuse to be subservient to them. And this would further cement how they were so in sync with each other - their emotions translating into exact physical movements. Which would play a crucial role in the key sequences for the rest of the movie.

Both Charan and Tarak were thorough professionals and were obviously fully on board with Rajamouli’s vision for the song. They were immensely thrilled about working with him again. But the man had clearly gone crazy this time. He had spent months with the music director and choreographers on this one song - rejecting multiple versions before zeroing in on the current one. They had rehearsed in Hyderabad at length - separately and together. Then they rehearsed for 10 days in Ukraine while he was shooting other sequences. Every evening, he would come to their rehearsal hall to check on their progress and point out impossible details that he wanted them to nail down. ‘Two bodies, one soul’ - he would keep repeating to them. To the point where they started hearing it in their dreams, also.

Tarak and Charan had just completed day 5 of shooting and were still only half done with the song. They reached their hotel and ordered room service. It was Charan’s turn to order this time - Tarak had plopped down on one of the twin beds in Charan’s room and refused to move a muscle. 

‘What do you want to have?’ Charan asked Tarak.

‘How does it matter? We are never leaving this country and going to die here anyway.’

That made him look at Tarak, who was still lying lifeless on the bed. Charan smiled at his friend, whose penchant for histrionics was second to none. He was zonked out himself but still managed to be amused by his friend’s antics.

‘Don’t be like that. Look - I found Biryani on the extended menu. Shall we have that? At least it will have some spice and flavor. I am sick of all the bland food we have been eating the last two weeks.’

‘Biryani? Great idea. If Jakanna finds out, he will annihilate both our nutritionists and us. And god forbid, if we end up putting on even 100 grams, he will know. And then he will scream at us for messing with the continuity of the song and the fitting of the costumes. Which would mean spending even more days here. No, thank you - I will pass on the biryani. Order the usual, tasteless food.’

If Charan didn’t know any better, he would have called Tarak paranoid and laughed away his concerns. But he knew this was a possibility. SSR was capable of making them use the weighing scale every day if he suspected any change in their build. It was better to suck it up for a few more days instead of prolonging their agony. So he ordered their pre-approved menu for dinner and plopped down on the other bed. Both were silent for a good while, just trying to gauge which all body parts were sore from today’s shooting.

‘You know - everyone on the set was so sympathetic. Olivia even got me two lemonades between the zillion takes. Karth was almost apologetic for his father’s craziness. But one person who was unfazed and unmoved by all this was Jakanna. He didn’t say a word; he didn’t even look at us between takes.’

‘Yeah, man. He is a tough taskmaster - we both knew that. But this is something else. Every time he calls us to the monitor to show the break in sync, I can’t spot it. It’s not visible to the naked eye, even to him. What is the logic of using screen freeze when people are going to be watching in real time? Does he think we are going to get an Oscar for this, or what? This could have been wrapped up days ago. Why don’t you talk to him? He might listen to you - the two of you started together, and he respects your opinion.’

Tarak let out a snort at Charan’s innocent hopefulness.

‘Baby, he won’t listen to even God. He is a different man now. A crazy, whacky, infuriating man.’

Charan hummed in agreement.

‘So, what then? There is nothing we can do?’

‘What if we call in sick? Just one of us will do - coz he can’t shoot without both of us present. He has all the shots anyway - he is just making us redo stuff that he caught in screen freeze in his 15th viewing. He can literally just use what he already has, and that would be a great song.’

‘It won’t work - he will see right through it. On normal days it could work. But he knows how irritated we are right now, and he would expect us to pull something like this. So he won’t buy it. I won’t put it past him to send doctors to check in on us if we try this route.’

It was Tarak’s turn to hum in agreement now. They both fell silent again.

‘I have half a mind to just run away. Like literally, just catch the first flight tomorrow morning and get back. He won’t be able to find out if we take a commercial flight, not a charter one. Seriously, what’s the worst that can happen? Maybe it will be a wake-up call for him that he needs to tone down the craziness.’

Charan laughed out at Tarak’s sense of humor. But when Tarak didn’t join in the laughter, he looked at his friend curiously.

‘Please tell me you are kidding, Tarak. Say it.’

Tarak paused for a good ten seconds, a pregnant pause. Then conceded half-heartedly. He could never go through something like that, however much he wanted to. But he didn’t give up, not yet.

‘What if he actually sees us getting injured? In front of him? One of us should do a fake fall tomorrow and then cry out for dear life. Even if he calls a doctor, they won’t be able to definitively comment on muscle pain.’

Charan pondered on the suggestion - this one seemed to have potential.

‘And it should be you, baby, not me. He would never believe me. But I don’t think he would doubt you much - he thinks of you as a good, decent, well-behaved boy. Coz he doesn’t know you like I do.’

Charan turned to his side to find Tarak smirking at him, his eyes hopeful and giddy. Tarak’s child-like enthusiasm was infectious, as was his optimism. But in this case, he knew they were doomed to fail. He voiced his concern out loud, and Tarak’s face fell in resignation. He was still not ready to give up, though.

‘What if the costumes got stolen? Or misplaced? I could do that easily.’

Tarak was just grasping at straws now.

‘A - he has backup costumes, Rama ma’am told me. B - the crew will get yelled at for this, which we can’t let happen.’

‘Ok. What if we call the producer and ask him to intervene, citing budget issues or something?’

‘You and I both know we won’t go behind Rajamouli Garu’s back like this.’

‘Do you have anything to contribute here, then, other than shooting down all of mine?’

‘Well, since your ideas are as good as a 10-year-old’s, I have no choice but to shoot them down. Seriously, even Abhay would be able to come up with better plans to ditch school than all the nonsense you just spewed.’

Charan half giggled at his friend, who was pouting and sulking now.

‘Are you saying I am not naughty enough? Not bad-ass enough?’

‘No. I am saying your plans suck because your heart is not really into it. Neither is mine. Deep down, we respect that infuriating man too much to pull any serious stunts on him.’

Tarak huffed, but he knew Charan was right.

‘Urghhhhhhhhh. I will burn that costume if he asks me for more retakes. I have given more takes here than I have in my entire career. Seriously, he is destroying my reputation as a single-take actor. I can’t take it anymore. This is torture. This is a war crime.’

Charan laughed and threw a cushion at Tarak.

‘A war crime huh? Try saying that to him tomorrow.

‘Oh, I will. I most definitely will. I will also report him to United Nations Human Rights Council while I am at it. The videos from the set are enough proof of torture. And captive labor. And slavery.’

Even Tarak could hear how ridiculous he sounded right now, but he kept going anyway. Charan continued to humor his friend.

‘At least your individual takes get approved in one go. Because you are such a fantastic dancer, and Rajamouli knows that.’

Tarak was lying on his stomach, with his face buried in the pillow. He just gave a brief ‘hmm’ and didn’t say anything more. But Charan was in a confessing mood now.

‘I was nervous, you know - before we started rehearsing.’

Tarak peaked sideways from the pillow.

‘Nervous? Why?’

‘Why? Because I had to dance with you, Einstein. I even talked to Bunny about it before coming here - he gave me a good pep talk.’

‘Why didn’t you talk to me about it? Why him?’

‘I don’t know. It just felt silly bringing this up. Like I knew I must work twice as hard to match up with you. But I just hope I am able to pull it off.’

Tarak didn’t resort to any false assurances on how Charan was as good a dancer or anything. Charan would see right through it.

‘I saw you working extra hard. And it has paid off. We have both seen the shots - you are as good as me. It’s him who is the problem, not either of us.’

They both burst out laughing. Hard. All the exhaustion of the last two weeks had taken its toll, but they were glad to have each other on this journey. They also knew it was possibly the only time they would get to work together, and they relished every moment of it.

‘You know what? Enough with the gloom and doom. Enough with the rules. We only have to face him tomorrow morning. Let’s make tonight worthwhile. What say?’

Charan was beaming at Tarak now. While Tarak was intrigued yet perplexed by the sudden turn in his mood.

‘Ummm what do you have in mind, to make tonight worthwhile?’

Charan went to the mini-bar and pulled out a bottle of tequila. Tarak looked at it tentatively.

‘I don’t know, baby. We have to get up really early tomorrow and be ultra alert on set. Are you sure this is a good idea?’

‘Yes, I am. And we are doing this. Look - we are anyway going to be yelled at. He is anyway not going to be happy with most of the takes. Let’s at least get something from it.’

Charan poured the shots and handed one to Tarak. They gulped together. And again. And one more time. In 3 minutes, they were five shots down. On an empty stomach since the food hadn’t come in yet. Tarak was singing a double-meaning song from a cheesy movie while Charan was dancing to it.

‘My dear Cherry - on a scale of 1 to 10, how angry would Jakanna be if he sees us like this a few hours before the shoot?’

‘My dear Tarakuuu, he will be angry 1000 crores. Anything less than that number is not his thing.’

They laughed like kids. They laughed like maniacs. They laughed like best friends.

They knew they should have crashed like 30 mins ago, but they kept chatting and dancing around the room for a good 2 hours more. Torture awaited them on the other side, and they were building up the strength to deal with it for a few more days. At least they would be together through it - being each other’s support, cheerleader, confidante, and agony aunt. Such was their relationship - which had only gotten stronger through the course of this movie. RRR had been a blessing for them in many ways. They just hoped the love translated to and resonated with the audiences. They just hoped that the audiences loved Ram and Bheem’s bond, which was, in so many ways, a representation of their own bond, that they had built and cherished over the last 10 years. A bond for life. A bromance for eternity. A love like no other. 

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I was very nervous while writing my first Charak fic - hope this was half-decent :)

As always, would love to know your thoughts!

@irisesforyoureyes @rambheem-is-real @thewinchestergirl1208 @eremin0109 @eenadu-varthalu @rorapostsbl @anyavaramyr @yehsahihai @budugu @rasnak2 @fadedscarlets @maraudersbitchesassemble @juhiiiiii @justmeand-myinsight @rambheemisgoated @rosayounan @jrntrtitties @obsessedtoafault @rambheemlove @jjwolfesworld @alikokinav @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @bromance-minus-the-b @dumdaradumdaradum @lovingperfectionwonderland @annieginny @chaanv @ssabriel @sally-for-sally @bitchy-bi-trash @milla984 @doodlesofthelastpage @boochhaan @mesimpleone @carminavulcana @filesbeorganized @meastradeur @teddybat24 @fangirlshrewt97 @stanleykubricks @stuckyandlarrystuff @burningsheepcrown @veteran-fanperson @voidsteffy @ronika-writes-stuff @beingmes-blog @yonderghostshistories @nisreenart

[itsclydebitches]

Honestly, I think most of the issues in this season exist because they clearly planned four seasons. Ted was supposed to go through a flop era, where he'd be checked out and his divorce and overall shitty situation with Michelle (the therapist thing) would have bitten him in the ass, and he'd struggle with his own positivity. It's crucial for Ted as a character to be critical of his life in Kansas, otherwise his character doesn't do anything but serve as an enlightened american spiritual guide to a bunch of brits (NOT a classy plot line and not a good move, especially since most of the brits are either queer or poc). I swear to god, if they make Ted go back to Kansas and end the series with him returning to the status-quo, I'll riot. His story was clearly about trying something new and brave for the wrong reasons, and finding himself in the process! He was not happy in Kansas! He has built himself a life in England that he never had in Kansas (otherwise we'd see him missing his friends, not the never-ending loneliness).

But it's a season long arc, and a recovery process that would last them another season. I was sure they would stop after the fourth season, not the third!

I think they might have decided to wrap it up early, either because of the impending strike, or because Sudeikis got bored.

Sudeikis has come out and said (on a couple of occasions I believe) that the show was pitched as a three season arc, not four. However, as a fellow writer who always needs about 75% more time/space than she originally planned for a story, I can easily picture how a perceived three season arc could actually need four seasons once you're in the nitty-gritty of writing it. I also don't know enough about the inner workings of Apple TV and Sudeikis' creative process to guess at how everyone was originally conceiving a "season." Certainly the 7-10 episodes of today are a far different beast from the 24 episodes of decades past. If Ted Lasso was still three seasons but with season 3 clocking in at 19 episodes... that would make a hell of a difference.

Regardless, I do think this season needed more time and that the issues there are seen more clearly in "International Break" than anywhere else. Nate quitting his job from one episode to the next, Rebecca suddenly being able to laugh uproariously with Rupert, even Roy having this 'aha' moment about being with Keeley... it's not that I think the show hasn't been building towards these things (it has), but rather that the final push feels sudden and, though not out of nowhere, not what I was expecting to happen just yet if - as said - the show had more time to develop these complex moments of growth. Also, though I'm a big fan of the show's sprawling cast and I think that's integral to its overall messages (you need that diversity in characters and their relationships), there was a lot of 'filler' I think this season could have cut to better focus on those key dynamics. For me, Keeley is the most egregious example in that regard. Shandi and Jack added little to her story imo - beyond a without-a-doubt queer confirmation and a little growth in terms of being a boss - so I would have rather had more of the focus be around Roy and her company more broadly.

Anyway, yeah, HARD agree about Kansas. I've already written about how disappointed I'd be in that ending. Personally, I don't think I'd want a whole season of Ted's "flop era," especially since that's where he started out: the presumably useless American "wanker" who is driving the team into the dirt. The shorter arc we got this season where Ted struggles, doubts, and then makes a tremendous comeback worked well for me. What would I have given Ted instead to fill that time... I'm not sure, which is one of the reasons why I think the show does benefit from that three season structure. There's only so much you can do with the concept of "Presumed failure is not a failure after all and actually is supper successful" before you're forced to backtrack (which undermines the message) or just sit in the boring "They're great aren't they great everything is great" ending. So Ted's football arc works for me, we just need more time for all those relationships. Keep the basic structure we have in terms of overall plot, but add in episodes to fully take the characters through the conflicts Season 2 introduced: How does Nate possibly redeem himself in Rupert's clutches? How can Ted come to terms with Michele dating their therapist? Why is Beard still 'happily' dating Jane after Higgins' intervention and his violent night out? How does Roy overcome this all-consuming belief that he's holding Keeley back? What in the world is going on with Rebecca and this maybe baby? How is Trent going to confess his love for Ted?

As said, the season IS answering all these questions, it just feels like the short structure has landed us with, "This is a problem, this is a problem, this is still a problem, the characters are acknowledging it's a problem... oh look the problem is now solved off-screen/in one scene! Happy days."