#but!!! i will go cry some more now
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You and I have been through a lot together over the years. I would not be here today if it wasn't for you. No, you would not. Aren't you gonna say you wouldn't be here without me, either ? Well, I don't want to lie to you. Especially on your wedding day.
#ncis los angeles#ncislaedit#ncislosangelesedit#sallenedit#sallen#sam x callen#sam hanna#g callen#mine#*#14x21#ncis la spoilers#oh my sallen heart#the director really said in true ncisla fashion i will give them one last yellow-ass scene#but!!! i will go cry some more now
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OUTLANDER: 100th Episode Celebration with Sam, Caitriona, David and MBR onset(x)
#outlander#outlander cast#outlandercastedit#outlander: s8#outlander: behind the scenes#caitriona balfe#sam heughan#samcait#jamie x claire#david berry#mathhew b. roberts#gifs#mine#THIS IS ALL I HAVE BEEN YELLING ABOUT ALL DAY AND IM GONNA KEEP YELLING ABOUT IT#LOOK AT THEM SO HAPPY AND ALL SMILES JUST GLOWINGGGGGG#I would absolutely risk it all for them your honor#also my favorite thing about this is the fact that their hands stayed touching with no room for jesus#and Cait's arm wrapped around Sam's waist the whole time and Sam's arm behind his back most likely holding onto her <3#SO NOW I GOTTA GO CRY AND YELL ABOUT IT SOME MORE
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tell ren to turn his location on👉👈
I saw one of the posts of how ren does get jealous of pets being loved over him and alll that so now I have the thought of the one meme of ‘ah yes, me, my partner and their [enter normal pet size] foot [pet]’
I don’t have anything else, it did pop into my head though and I thought I’d share with the class.
⌞♥⌝ ItsNotVivy on Twitter actually made that exact meme with Ren a looong time ago!!
#💌 — answered.#💖 — 14 days with queue.#thegoofyest#In Viv we trust 😌 They were one of the very first people to take an interest in 14DWY!! /gen#Dare I say..... One of the founding fathers lmaooooo#Also!! Viv (along with a few other twitter artists) were one of the main reasons why I started this Tumblr in da first place! ^^#14DWY didn't have much of a following until they started makin memes and art on Twitter#Then all of a sudden I had all these people wanting to know more about the game; and da next thing I knew; I had over 50 asks overnight lol#So I owe a lot of 14DWY's success to ItsNotVivy; hmimprvmntbsmnt; dreosuger; Diachuu; glade_o; Meowastrophe; noullyart; etc.#And it's also the reason why I wanna show my appreciation towards them all by giving them Easter Eggs in the game#I also kind feel like it's the very least I can do to show my appreciation ghjsgjh ;v; Same with da 14DWY staff on Discord#It's the only place where I ask for help regarding managing the 14DWY socials (everywhere else is just me); and they go through hell n back#—to keep the server a fun and lively place for everyone#I owe so much to them as well; which is why some of da mods already have their own lil Easter Eggs in the game#I also like to think they're canon employees at the Corland Bay library gsdjgjg Except Jesse; that mf would set everything on fire /silly#Also not me getting mushy in the tags????????? What is happening to me.... Where is my mysterious and aloof persona...... /j#I'll shuddup now before I start crying (/pos) over the founding fathers on Tumblr as well lmao
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I think what’s really just utterly compelling and really kindof beautiful about the whole James Fitzjames DNA confirmation is just how beautiful this intersection between history and the artistic mirror that we hold up to it coming together to celebrate this discovery is in a way breathing some life and even peace back into this person.
Like… I feel like a lot of the time we as a culture when we hear about the discovery of new artifacts, remains, remnants of history in any form, we have enough distance to it to accept the mysteries that we will never be able to reconcile about them. Like digging up folks who perished in pompeii, we may never know who exactly they were, what kinds of people they were. Who they loved, what they loved doing will remain as intangible to us as what they looked like. And it becomes harder with so many of those pieces missing to look at those bones and have any sense of certainty who they really were.
But we DO know James Fitzjames. In SO many ways. We know him because there isn’t just copious historical documentation on his life, the things he wrote, the things he did in his life the ramifications on the people he loved when he was lost, but also this weird little show that inexplicably gives us both a window into the unimaginable circumstances that led to his death alongside that of over a hundred other men, but also a mirror through which so many of us have been able to empathize deeply with the weight of those circumstances.
In that way we do really know who he was. And now he’s not merely a single jaw in an unprecedented pile of bones anymore, he has an IDENTITY again. And it’s taken so long and so many generations but we FOUND him. We had a tangible historical grasp on him already and it feels so much more personal now that we know exactly where he died. To know a rough time frame in which he perished. To know that circumstantially he was probably one of the first consumed in what was easily one of the most dire survival situations of his century- perhaps even ours. It’s closure and peace and relief for an individual that is still so cared for even though there are centuries between the time when he died and us and the circumstances in which we live. And from this information there is STILL more we can piece together for so many of the other individuals who were with him.
And we have all of that, all because of something as simple as a DNA test. That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever fucking seen.
#anyway I love it here#james fitzjames#I’m genuinely so deeply in awe with this discovery and the energy with which people have met it today and THAT is going to make me cry#I hope we get to do this every now and again. I hope more remains get identified and we learn more and can continue to bring some closure#and some peace to these souls that have been lost for so long#happy jfj discovery day everybody I gotta go to bed
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everything about Gavriil feels suffocating.
how his presence alone can be almost overwhelming, how his massive body cages you everytime without a chance to escape. you wouldn't dare to try anyway, knowing that you don't even have a say against a creature of his caliber. he will find you. in your dreams, in your nightmares. in your room.
how he will be intense and vague about everything just for the sake of it; to confuse you further, to see the conflict of emotions in your eyes merge with arousal. eventually your hesitance turns into acceptance, a desperate need to feel his hands all over you. and he will be oh so grateful to fulfill that desire.
how his thick tongue pushes past your lips and into your mouth, reaching almost the back of your throat, relishing in the muffled little sounds you make. your drool mixed with his saliva drips down your chin, and your hazy eyes look up at him when he finally pulls away, giving you a second to breathe.
how his hips are slamming into you relentlessly, your wetness and lack of resistance allowing him to move almost effortlessly. forced to hold onto him for dear life instead of pushing away. all of your morals and principles are being tossed out of the window every single time he comes to you. he has you where he wants you, and will not stop until he feels like you can't take it anymore.
and how in the morning he vanishes away, leaving you guessing: was it just another wet dream? but the cold stickiness between your legs tells you more than you need to know.
#yes bringing this back bc at the time i didn't tag it properly#okay im gonna complain in here now.#need... to... draw... something... but i dont... have the strength..#drawing on my phone is so exhausting but i have no other option#bc i think my traditional art is not very polishedddd and i dont want to answer asks with ittttt#but maybe i will#bc i think i'm really getting to that burnout#and giving how my bday is getting closer and closer....#i dread it. but hey. cake. money. i'll get a new piercing#i WILL cry ofc but hey. maybe someone will buy me tea as a gift. who knows.#i just want to spend some time with someone yknow:(#just... talk. about anything. sit beside eachother and stare off into the waters#i hope the snow will melt soon because i want to go out more even if by myself#gonna find a job when summer comes... maybe talking to colleagues and all that will help... everythings gonna be fine.. i hope#i just need friends. god.#microtya's kids#microtya: gavriil#monsterfucker#monster fucker#monster x human#monster boyfriend#monster lover#teratophillia#god x human#monster smut
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Reading "The Never-Ending Sacrifice" together makes the experience somewhat bearable. 😌
#“julian slowly learning kardasi by reading it out loud to garak”-trope my beloved#two guys...chilling on a sofa...zero feet apart cause they're gay TM🌞🙂💫#may i offer you some comfort art in these reaaallyy trying times#i like to imagine garak would allow himself to move more freely (like fidgeting with his hair) when he's around julian#cause he feels (mostly) safe around him - so cute i'm gonna go cry now#bi twink x disaster lizard man 🤲#garashir#idiots in love#star trek fanart#star trek#star trek deep space nine#deep space nine#star trek ds9#ds9#elim garak/julian bashir#elim garak#julian bashir#artists on tumblr#fanart#digital art#otp: especially the lies
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My rendition of Calypso and her two sons by Odysseus
#crying screaming throwing up#greek mythology#mythology#odysseus#the odyssey#calypso#Nausinoos#nausithous#his two doomed sons#born as a way to keep him there#I can only imagine it was also a sense of ppride for Calypso#your penelope only bore you one son but I gave you two aren't I better then her?#imma go cry some more now
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landing
#i'd recommend zooming in bc the changes between panels are pretty subtle. they'll be easier to see on the cropped versions but i wanted to#include the whole thing too because i think it looks nice like that :)#opening up to yukina as the final hopeful yet unresolved part of hiei's arc of learning to trust and love and be loved by others is like.#aughh. fascinating choice anyway here's a take on how it'd go. from me. a sap#smth smth hiei letting his vulnerability show via the thing that unites them (bloodline via the hiruseki stone) which is inherently tied#to emotion and letting his feelings about her and his past show to someone. grahh#yyh#yu yu hakusho#yukina#hiei#skrunkart#also due to the title and the organization of this comic one could call this a landing strip#anyway um. posting more yyh but this time it's not funny at all oops. glad y'all liked the other one though jksdjfkjs#anyway yukina's important you should talk about her more#would also like to point out how in the final panel hiei doesn't actually touch her with his other arm. it's just resting on his hand#enclosing her but still kinda distant. he's still got some healing to do#edit argh i uploaded a slightly wrong version. fixed now. it just didn't have yukina's crying onomotopoeia#but i wanted them back in bc sound is so important to this one#WAIT PANELS SWAPPED. FIXED FR NOW#ANYWAY HIEI MY BELOVED MY EVERYTHING. LOVE THAT LITTLE GUY#also shoutout to devoted sibling characters. they really get it
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reading daniel and armands sections from queen of the damned, like damn yall its real, they kiss on the mouth and say shit like "my beautiful boy" "my beloved" "my lover", armand trying to be the ultimate sugar daddy and give daniel everything a human could want, while daniel begs to be turned and gets depressed when armand says he'd rather kill daniel than see him turned into a vampire
#iwtv#iwtv spoilers#devils minion#queen of the damned#their section is honesly really sweet despite daniel going through it the whole time#armand giving him a blood amulet with a big fancy A on it#armand crying when he turns daniel cause he thinks its going to destroy their relationship#daniel drunk and tired roaming the streets calling out for armand to come and take him home after not talking to him for 6months#they like love each other and can't live without each other#now more than ever I think daniels memories from paris are about armand/ at least some if not all
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RIP Timothy West (20.10.1934 - 12.11.2024)
"We met when we were cast with small parts in that really boring play, so had both brought the crossword to stop us going mad. We saw each other across the rehearsal room doing it, so decided to sit together. Then we couldn’t record because of the strike one day so we went to the cinema, Pru and I, to see The Grass is Greener with Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr. The show was cancelled, but a bit later Pru sent me a card saying ‘they’re reviving that terrible play, are you in it?’ I wasn’t but we started writing to each other then."
"Humour is vital, and respect for what people do and what people think. Kindness is important, and we’ve always had the same humour, laughed at the same things, been interested in the same things, got cross about the same things. And been in the same business. We have often been away from each other work-wise and therefore we’re always very glad to see each other again."
#timothy west#rip#death ment tw#character actors#brass#bleak house#edward the seventh#big breadwinner hog#the day of the jackal#villains#hine#randall and hopkirk (deceased)#nicholas and alexandra#the fellows#tales of the unexpected#hedda#hard times#cry freedom#not going out#going postal#not just a titan of the english stage and screen (and how few actors can truly say they've risen to the prominence he#achieved in both mediums?) and not just a talented chameleon able to play filthy grotesque‚ noble kindness and cold#arrogance with equal assuredness; not just these things‚ Tim was also one half of one of the greatest love stories in the history of#the british stage. his more than 60 years with Prunella Scales are almost unheard of in 'showbusiness' tho truthfully they were not a#very showbiz pair. just two good souls who found each other and were gloriously happy together. even in recent years (Tim has been her#primary care giver for more than a decade now‚ since her dementia diagnosis) they somehow seemed to remain upbeat‚ hopeful‚ and more than#anything in love. my heart honestly breaks for her. i can't even imagine.#anyway. hum. i try to rec something less known with these posts. Tim's ep of The Edwardians‚ as rascally MP (and conman) Horatio#Bottomley is a really lovely thing. and as im sure i must have said at some other time‚ more people need to see the incredible BBH#perhaps the first time i saw the (until then‚ to my eyes) cuddly Tim West as a truly repugnant‚ horrific character (he's brilliant)
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With today's entry, I was rather surprised and confused that Johnathan seemed to turn around so quickly from the absolute pit of despair he was in yesterday, having newfound determination and energy when he's seemingly been completely hopeless and inactive for weeks now (and for good reason). Not that I ever thought he'd completely given up, but there's definitely been a slow decline in how descriptive his journal entries have been to reflect his declining mental state (more robotic, less of his actual feelings about things), and today was a sharp contrast; it feels more like the early entries again. I thought, well, his mind is probably just so cracked at this point that he's looped all the way back around to being bold and energetic again, because by now he's desperate enough to throw caution to the wind: he either succeeds doing something extremely reckless to escape, or he fails and meets his end in a far better way than if he just waits for his fate by Dracula's hands.
...But having thought about it and reading other posts, I realized (probably stupidly obvious as it is) that his sudden change in mood probably has to do with what happened to the baby. Despite how scared he's been all this time, yesterday he didn't hesitate for a single second to try to save the baby once he realized from the previous incident what was happening, not thinking about his own life at all. And then he despaired when he couldn't save the child, the first time he's mentioned crying in the book at all, and then he had to witness the mother blaming him for her baby's death, and being killed herself for trying to rescue it. Now, the day after that horrific and heartbreaking failure, he's suddenly more determined than he's been in ages to escape. Maybe that was a turning point for Johnathan, and lit a fire under him... maybe he's clinging to the need to escape not just for himself and the people he loves anymore, but for the vain hope that he can put a stop to Dracula's schemes somehow once he gets out, because he doesn't want to let any more children die :' )
#dracula#dracula daily#i'm a new reader so idk how much this is going into headcanon territory or will be backed up later#but i wonder if johnathan feels protective of children because he and mina want kids#i mean he's a good and sweet man so i'm sure he would react the same regardless even if he didn't have a fiance#but if he's planning to one day become a father i'm sure that makes his feelings even stronger :')#he hears those babies crying and thinks about if those had been his and mina's future children. man.#i'm sure that would have made him empathize with the mother even more too; if mina wants to have a child..........#ahhhhhhh i've made myself sad. yesterday's and today's part just made me so sad 😭��#johnathan you're so good and brave 😭 you're doing your best 😭 it'll be okay in the end 😭#oops i projected paternal instincts onto a soft male blorbo again-#okay but now i need an au where by some miracle he manages to abscond with a baby dracula brings to be killed and it's just#Johnathan And Baby Against The World (vampire)#does that exist. please tell me johnathan and kids content exist cause 🥹🥹🥹#idk how it would work but thinking about it makes me emotional lol :' )
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guys i'm over 70% of the way through Night Watch right now and.....god I don't even know what to say. i still have 1/4 of the book left but i think my life has been changed.........they're waving the flags of Ankh-Morpork and singing the national anthem at the barricades because they are fighting for the city. they aren't rebelling against the city, they're fighting to fix it.....they're fighting for truth, justice, freedom, reasonably priced love, and a hard boiled egg..........the government is trying to name them enemies of the state but....that's just not what they are. they are The People of Ankh-Morpork, and they're rebelling against the injustice that's become ingrained in society, not against society itself...........
#this might be a little incomprehensible but i just have a lot of feelings. and i'm definitely going to have more once i finish it#i'm not the same person that i was yesterday afternoon#i know i kinda said i'd keep everyone updated but i just don't think i can#i'm not even done with it yet but now i know why this book is so beloved.#and i'm not. even done with it yet.#i'm pretty sure i'm gonna cry at some point ngl#vin speaks#vin reads discworld#discworld#night watch#gnu terry pratchett#terry pratchett#the glorious 25th of may
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im so happy for you that you have a possible reason/cause for your brain itch!!!! i hope the tumor removal goes superduper smoothly. Do they know how long its been present/growing???????? how did you find out??? <- you obviously do not have to answer these personal medical questions lmao im just!!!! so curious and excited for you.
from what i've discussed with the docs it's been there for a LONG time... they say this sort of thing might take up to a decade to develop - it doesn't happen overnight!
i think i started noticing symptoms about maybe... 7 years ago? literally as soon as i started working full-time, maybe. my first job stressed me out so much and i cried underneath the tables at 8pm because i couldn't leave the office, i still had so much to do. i was leading up an entire ass animation department at 20 years old. bad. awful. that's when i started depending on things to get me through the day. my body started feeling awful. i thought it was anxiety, or me just being weak, i guess. i don't know if stress created the tumor, or the tumor created the stress - (well, it's the latter now) i think it's probably both, but all the research i've done and what the doctors have said is that there's just - some people with a genetic predisposition for it.
it's funny - i never miss a deadline, and i'm really really good at my job, always. i never let anyone down, ever, at the cost of my own sanity, and i seem to always, always have it put-together when i'm dealing with people - i have the constant consensus from everybody around me that i'm the most cheerful person to work with on this here planet earth - but apparently, my body was falling apart underneath it all - which i failed to recognise, because outwardly i was holding it together so well, and figured it was just normal to cry all the time when nobody was looking.
i started really noticing it after taking on a lot of freelance work on top of my day job – i was really doing very hot, and did these amazing projects for some really amazing clients who sought me out for being amazing (i am amazing) - but naturally, had consecutive nights of no sleep, and quick deadlines - and INVOICING... screams. and just, realised - after taking those jobs that - my heart did not stop pumping afterwards. my heart was still racing a mile a minute, even after all those jobs were done and dusted and ever-so-loved and appreciated by very happy clients. my heart. wouldn't. stop.
i figured it was MAJOR anxiety, and sought out some counselling sessions, hoping they'd help. i relayed my woes. i said i'm worried i'm not resting enough. i'm not sleeping enough. my heart rate won't go down. they said "oh. not everybody needs 8 hours sleep, don't worry about it. everyone's different." - for some reason that reassured me. i thought it was okay. okay. i don't need rest. maybe my body's just different and doesn't need rest. maybe that's why i wake up at 6am every morning without fail. i just don't need sleep, i guess. (bad advice.)
so – everyone is telling me i'm okay. i should just get on. you're barely sleeping? that's fine, you probably don't need it. your heart is pumping? that's healthy. your heart SHOULD pump, idiot. get back to work.
i felt very unhappy at work - i felt like i was stagnating - so i moved job, last year. i moved job to one that was so, so much more fast-paced. i thought the excitement and change would do me good - but i've been facing maybe - 3 deadlines a day? vs my previous one-deadline-a-month arrangement. and i think it broke me. i needed to depend on so many unhealthy habits to get me through the day. i needed like 6 energy drinks, 3 coffees, i'd have the shakes, i'd have the jitters, i'd feel like i was going to fall apart every single day.
and then, one day, i did.
one week last year i doubled over - my body was in so much pain that i couldn't sleep, i couldn't eat, and worst off - i couldn't work. it was the first time i'd taken sick leave - i couldn't function. after being on antibiotics that didn't work, i eventually went into the emergency room because i just couldn't sleep. i couldn't do anything. i didn't care if they put me down, i wanted the pain to end.
she was a kidney stone. her name was sharon (sharon stone) - i suspect it was all the energy drinks that made her. i've dealt with her now. but during the process, the doc pulled me aside, and he said "dear. do you have any pain in your other kidney?"
i said... no............... why?
doc said "ah. problem for another time."
so, once sharon was dealt with, obviously i had to chase up on that doctor's ominous warning. i said "WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY OTHER KIDNEY!!"
you have a tumor, dear. his name is lamar. he's on your right adrenal gland, and we suspect he's messing up all your hormones.
i did my own research, and turns out all these crazy, mysterious symptoms i've been having all line up - so i chased, and chased, and chased.
the doctors didn't take me seriously at first. because i guess i'm not in pain, and i handle it so well. i'm still so strong. i'm a fighter, i guess. whatever. but, turns out...
it's worth it to chase. your life might depend on it. i'm so glad i did, because there's an end to my suffering (dear god, i hope) - but, guys, if your heart won't slow, and you chronically can't relax, and you feel like there are bees in your brain - that's the time to do some research. it isn't normal, actually. and sure - it might not be a tumor, but - kid, you need some support. you need some help. you need to ask some questions. it's not okay for that to be your baseline. your body needs to rest. it needs to rest. even if i have to force it to. it has to rest.
right now i'm in a major stressed way, and i broke down and cried. i'm in the middle of a freelance job, and in the middle of an interviewing process for a new full-time job, and still working my current full-time job with 3 deadlines a day, and my surgery is next week. and i feel like crying. all the time.
i can't wait for rest. i hate that i literally have to be hospitalised to get it. but, i'll get it. i'm going to rest so fucking hard.
#sci speaks#sighss.... sighshss.#im going to cry some more now i think. it's a stress relief thing.#i say “i don't have anything to stress about” but fact is. i Do actually always have something to stress about. under capitalism.#it's no wonder i have a stress tumor. it's no wonder. in this economy??#and i know i have it so much better than other people do. so how do other people survive???????????????
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"I hope you told your brother how much you loved him, because you're probably never gonna see him again."
"..."
"Was that too dark?"
"YES!"
"Sorry."
#mario movie#mario move spoilers#super mario bros movie#super mario bros#mario and luigi#super mario bros movie spoilers#cherrysip edits#i was gonna make a different gifset today but then i found that new trailer and WELL HERE WE ARE lol#TOAD SERIOUSLY CAN YOU READ THE ROOM HERE???????????#first time in the town was kinda funny second time was genuinely a bit upsetting to the point that i gasped when i heard the dialogue#mario would prefer you Do Not Say Things Like That!!!!!!!#he is no way shape or form emotionally prepared to grapple with the idea of his brother being dead or never being able to find him#that would end him. that would destroy him. he would truly not know how to go on. so that is just firmly Not a Possibility in his brain#(and now i made myself REALLY sad thinking about mario remembering this conversation a little later and wondering#when WAS the last time he told luigi he loved him????? he can't remember. he loves his brother more than anything and anyone#but he hasn't said it outloud in so long and the realization of that is extremely painful. there's some more angst for you!!!)#anyway this is just a compilation of all the significant scenes where mario and luigi are actually together we've seen so far and I CRY#also the brand-new one of them running through town!!! omg it's perfect#with mario doing unnecessary parkour and luigi just diligently jogging along on the outside and avoiding the mess#the characterization even in the tiniest moments like this is truly CHEF'S KISS#will be working on more gifsets because my brain just needs to stare at all this until the movie comes out lololol
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My brother recently got into Demon Slayer so I wanted to make a kny oc for him since I did it before with both me and my sister and never got around to my brother :)
But I started by refreshing my own design because wow?? It’s been 4 years since I first made my kny insert character and a lot of things are now outdated! Not to mention my art has improved a lot, I hope. More details under the cut!
Meet Ebisu Koharu: youngest of the Ebisu family and physically the weakest. They only barely passed Final Selection by hiding for the entire week and surviving off tips from their older siblings. Nonetheless, they still want to contribute, which is why they hold onto a thick, leather bound book that records every demon they’ve ever met in precise detail, with labeled diagrams and scribbled calculations in the margins of different strengths and weaknesses.
After spending a few years on the job, and properly seeing their data contribute to the successes of other demon slayers, they’ve come a bit more into their own as a competent researcher and fighter, though they still do tend to request paired missions with friends and family to act more as a support role rather than a fighter.
The Ebisu family is one of scholars. The eldest daughter Kaoru is a doctor, and the eldest son Shougen is a chemist. By nature, fighting is not necessarily their strong suit, which is why their family breathing style and techniques are all poison-assisted. Of the three, Koharu is the weakest and most averse to combat— they wield a short half-length blade, with more of a smooth ceremonial hilt and sheath than any practical weapon.
#kny oc#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#it’s so much fun seeing my brother be so late to the party for kny lmao#I love him but his takes are kind of shit ngl.#his character will be absolutely hilarious to do as well#because you better believe I’m going to lean far into how much he simps for giyu#looking for names is so much more fun when I can read some kana and am not using google translate#I found out that the combination of me and my sister’s names form kanari which i will not stop thinking about for ages#four years of improvement and four years of character development! Better character design and research skills#it’s a lot of fun thinking more about details when designing now#I.e. brushes are wildly impractical tools for writing on the go so koharu’s main choice of stationery is an imported fountain pen that cost#a decent amount of their savings#and they wanted their records to last longer so they also invested in a proper leather bound journal (also imported) rather than#a normal string bound book like their normal daily journal. this is also why the books open in different directions#in the event that their fountain pen breaks they Will Cry but they will also commit the details to memory and write them in with a bruh#with a brush after the battle ends
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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