#burrich x patience

[izzi-illustrates]

Robin Hobb sure did write a lot of bisexuals

(Burrich x Patience, Burrich x Chivalry, Chivalry x Patience)

Bonus: Patience and Lacey <3

[max-nolastname]

if there's one thing I'm gna do in every piece of media I consume is find the polytriad. bonus points if they're haunted by a lost loved one

[khutsydoh]

Realm of the elderlings ask meme thing

This seems fun!

Favourite Rote book: Fool's fate

Why: I loved the series even before this, of course, but it was after this that I knew in my heart that this series was going to be an all time favourite that nothing else could topple. It took me through every emotion imaginable, from laughter to gut wrenching despair, from anger to triumph. It has it all. Fitz's character arc goes to many interesting places. Fitzloved is at it's peak. The plot has many threads that come together wonderfully. The way fitz comes so close to accepting his love for the fool only to be left behind and going back to his heteronormative fantasy has done irreparable damage to me. The way it feels like we are slowly moving towards tragedy by the end and yet fitz fights the narrative itself to bring his beloved fool back. But it still ends badly. Peak "it mattered that the love was there" type of life changing soul altering shit I love. I still do have problems with the way fitz gets back with molly but my love for this book outweighs them<3

Top three favourite characters: Beloved, Fitz, Bee

Top three least favourite characters: Hest, Tats, Lant

Favourite ship of the floating kind: Paragon

Top 3 ships of the people kind: Fitzloved, Patience x Lacey, Amber x Althea (honourable mention to my headcanon that bee will find a female catalyst so that her, perseverance and the catalyst can be the chivalry/burrich/patience trio gone well. Gotta continue the farseer legacy afterall. Except she does not have the internalised homophobia and she has to make the cycles better as the white prophet. Edit: also Princess Caution x Felicity)

Would you rather be witted or skilled: Witted for sure

If you were witted, what animal would you bond with: My dog<3

Would you rather live in the Outislands, the Mountain Kingdom, the Six duchies, Bingtown, the Rain wilds, Kelsingra, Jamailia, the Pirate isles or Mercenia/Fool's homeland?: the Mountain Kingdom! I love the architecture there and I will be close to nature. I could live a quiet life in a cabin with a witted animal without completely leaving society. Plus I could go exploring the skill road to the elderlings marketplace and the place with the stone dragons if i want.

How were you introduced to the books: i went looking to a lot of top 10 fantasy type of lists and YouTube videos when I first wanted to get into adult fantasy. The Farseer trilogy was on most of them and the premise of a bastard prince who could bond with animals spoke to me.

Share a quote you love:

It was a long journey, in the cold and the dark. Somewhere I could hear a whimpering, and I despised myself for that, too. But as I scraped myself along, it grew, as a spark in the distance becomes a fire as one approaches. It refused to be ignored. It grew louder in my mind, a whining against my fate, a tiny voice of resistance that forbade that I should die, that denied my failure. It was warmth and light, too, and it grew stronger and stronger as I tried to find its source. I stopped. I lay still.

 It was inside me. The more I sought it, the stronger it grew. It loved me. Loved me even if I couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t love myself. Loved me even if I hated it. It set its tiny teeth in my soul and braced and held so that I couldn’t crawl any farther. And when I tried, a howl of despair burst from it, searing me, forbidding me to break so sacred a trust.

It was Smithy.

He cried with my pains, physical and mental. And when I stopped struggling toward the wall, he went into a paroxysm of joy, a celebration of triumph for us. And all I could do to reward him was to lie still and no longer attempt to destroy myself. And he assured me it was enough, it was a plenitude, it was a joy. I closed my eyes

- Assassin's apprentice

Why would I need therapy if I have these paragraphs from ms robin hobb.

Tagging: @apamates @lordgolden @annot8 @treezenith @kaijuerotica anyone else whose in the rote fandom. No pressure:)

[cyberphuck]

Assassin’s Apprentice Abridged: Part Three

Part One Part Two (My friend Razz wants to understand my shitposts about the Farseer Trilogy, but doesn’t want to have to read the books, so I’m summarizing the trilogy for them starting with Assassin’s Apprentice!) When we last left Fitzy-Fitz, he was being stared at by a mysterious woman in the kitchens... - There's a woman staring at Fitz so hard that he can feel his clothes smoking. "This lady is creepy," he thinks as he puts a bucket on her head to keep her from seeing him steal 39 wheels of cheese. "Hello," says FItz.

"O_O" says the woman.

"...alright then," says Fitz, and leaves.

A few weeks later, while staggering drunkenly through a garden that features "seven varieties of thyme," which is five more varieties than I knew existed (regular thyme and hammer thyme), Fitz sees the woman again.

"Are you drunk?" she demands.

"Ayyyyyy lmao," Fitz replies, giving her double finger guns before stumbling back to the stables and falling asleep in a pile of horse manure.

Soon after that, Burrich comes back from the Probably Gay Stablemasters Convention (Ponycon 2023) and sees a very old horse in his stables. "Hey, I know that horse," he says. "Oh. Oh shit. Lady Patience is here."

The Fool's head pops out of a nearby hay bale. "The Lady Patience is Prince Chivalry's widow," he reminds us helpfully, then ducks back down.

"Oh good," Fitz mutters. "I have made a GREAT impression on her so far."

"It's fine, she's fucking weird anyway," Burrich says. "Go take a shower. You smell like teenaged boy."

But before Fitz can douse himself in Axe body spray, Patience accosts him in the hallway. "Do you know how to sing, play an instrument, speak French, write poetry, dance, or subjugate  minorities?" she asks.

"No," Fitz says, "that's for royalty."

"Surely you've been instructed to watch  Game of Thrones," Patience presses.

"No."

"Merlin?"

"Nah."

"The Princess Bride?" Patience asks desperately.

"Again," Fitz sighs, "I'm a bastard."

"I will be," Patience snarls, "RIGHT BACK."

Fitz takes a shower.

When he gets out, Chade is there. "Boy, m'boy!" he cries. "They're going to teach you the Skill!"

"I already know how to kill," Fitz protests.

"No, boy, SKILL. The innate Farseer royal magic that enables you to..." Chade checks his notes. "Well, by the end of the series it's easier to list the things the Skill CAN'T do-- but in this first trilogy it's mostly a Professor X type psychic ability that lets you telepathically talk to people in italics."

"Oh. Neat."

"Patience heard that you weren't getting a Prince's education and threw a bitch fit," Chade beams. "You'll start your Skill lessons next month. In the meantime you have to go and spend time with Patience so she can teach you Prince things."

"Like what it's like when doves cry?" Fitz asks.

"Stop dating yourself with old as fuck references," Chade snaps, and shoos him off.

Early the next morning Fitz reports to Patience's room, which is full of all her most recent ADHD hyperfixations, Lacy the servingwoman, and a dog with some puppies. "Hello!" Patience says. "I've decided to name you Tom. Here's a puppy."

Fitz loves the puppy and, with the Fool's random help, names him Smithy. He loves Smithy so much that he makes some macaroni art of him and brings it proudly back to Patience.

Patience hugs him, screams, then runs into her room and slams the door.

"She gets like that," Lacy explains, not looking up from her knitting.

Fitz has a great couple of weeks spending time with Smithy, Patience, and Molly, who he still has a giant crush on. Burrich notices that he hasn't yelled at Fitz for being witted in a while and calls him up to his apartment."Listen, Lil Accident," Burrich says, "Galen, the Skillmaster, loved your father and absolutely hates you."

"So, a Severus Snape situation," Fitz says.

"Yes. But he is not going to secretly keep you safe. If he finds out you talk to animals he's going to kill you. And I'll let him do it, because I don't want you to talk to animals either."

"Okay," says Fitz, who is right at this moment talking to his dog Smithy.

"Chade and I are not allowed to talk to you while you're being trained in Skilling. So no matter what awful thing Galen does to you, you just have to take it. Be careful, Lil Accident."

"Whatever," Fitz scoffs. "How bad can it be?"

"There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class," Galen says imperiously as he strides onto the tower top where he's holding Skill lessons. "I am going to teach you THE SKILL, which is super badass and sick and so amazing. Only the most favorite-- er, most talented students will be able to learn it. You! What's your name?"

"Fitz," Fitz replies.

"One thousand points from Gryffindor! Now everyone strip naked and start doing push-ups until I tell you you can stop!"

Fitz is still doing pushups a few weeks later when Galen walks up and kicks him in the ribs. "You've been stealing food when I explicitly ordered you to do a juice cleanse!"

"That food was for my dog--"

"Silence! Get out of my sight and don't let me catch you cheating on your diet again!"

That night, the Fool comes to Fitz's room with a bowl of dog food. "I'll feed and walk your dog for you," he says, "but I'm not putting a bag on my hand and picking up his business. That's YOUR business. Also, you should stop going to Skill lessons. You might die."

"I'm not gonna die, it's fine," Fitz says, drinking his juice.

Despite all odds, Fitz does sort of start to learn the Skill. In fact he gets pretty good at the basics, much to Galen's disgust. Then Galen tells the class that he's going to touch each of them with a little bit of true Skill, to show them how awesome it is."But don't lean into it," Galen warns, "or your mind will get sucked out of your body Byford Dolphin style."

He touches Fitz with the Skill.

"Stop leaning into it!" Galen snaps, repeatedly punching Fitz in the face.

"Ow! I'm not, I swear!"

"You totally are, you're the absolute worst and you don't deserve to know how to Skill!"

"I'm the absolute worst and I don't deserve to know how to Skill," Fitz says, without any prompting from anyone.

"You're bad at the Skill, you'll always be bad at the Skill, and you should kill yourself!"

"I'm bad at the Skill, I'll always be bad at the Skill, and I should kill myself," Fitz decides, all on his own.

"Class dismissed," Galen says, dusting off his hands. "Everyone spit on Fitz on the way out."

Having independently decided to unalive himself, Fitz slowly crawls to the edge of the very high tower and prepares to launch himself off of it into the sweet embrace of death, which he totally deserves because he's a bastard and no one likes him. But then Smithy reaches for him through their Wit-bond and says "Nooooo don't kill yourself you're so hott haha."

With the power of love from, honestly, the greatest dog of all time, Fitz decides not to commit breathn't.

When he next wakes up, he's in bed, and Burrich is sitting next to him. "I wrapped you in bandages," Burrich says soothingly. "Go back to sleep."

Fitz spends the next few weeks slowly recovering from being curbstomped by Galen. He sweeps out the stables, feeds horses, endures angry glares from Burrich because he had a secret wit-bond puppy, and thinks all about how he's bad at the Skill and will always be bad at the Skill.

"Alright, Lil Accident," Burrich says after a while, "it's time to go back to your Skill lessons."

"But I've missed too many classes," Fitz protests.

"There haven't been any classes. Go back to your lessons."

"Why not?"

"Haven't you heard?" The Fool says, popping out of a hay bale again. "Burrich beat the absolute shit out of Galen at the Witness Stones. He said, 'Gods, if I win this very one-sided fight, then Galen sucks,' and then just jumped up and down on that skinny motherfucker until he stopped moving." "Oh," Fitz says dumbly. The Fool retreats into the hay once more.

Later, on a beach date, Molly says, "Have you heard Prince Verity is going to get married?"

"Since when?" Fitz boggles.

"Oh, I know all the hot goss," Molly laughs. "Yeah, he agreed to get political-married to some foreign lady, but he's got no time to go looking for one, so Prince Regal is going to find one for him."

"Huh," Fitz says, then, "Miss Molly, I sure think you're just the swellest girl I ever did meet."

"How swell?" Molly asks.

But before Fitz can say "really really swell, the bee's knees," Smithy comes charging up to them to tell Fitz it's time to go back to the castle and start his Skill lessons again.

Fitz goes to the tower-top classroom along with the other students, all of whom pretty much hate him for being bad at the Skill and because his adopted dad beat up their teacher. Galen limps in. "I have an announcement," he says. "First of all, Jaydee mixed up the order of events just now: Fitz's first lesson back took place before he found out that Verity was going to be married. Second, Molly is hanging out with a handsome sailor named Jade. And thirdly, your training is almost complete. I will send you all on one final test-- even you, bastard that I hate and that I hope dies-- and then present you as a Skill Coterie to the King on Fantasy Easter."

"Murmur, murmur," all the students murmur.

"I'm going to send each of you to a faraway place," Galen goes on. "And then I will Skill a message of how to come home."

"That sounds fun, I bet nothing bad'll happen to me," Fitz says.

Galen smiles. "Do you think I don't know that you and Burrich are fucking? Because I do. And you won't be able to use him for Skill strength on this test."

"I don't understand any of the words that just came out of your mouth," Fitz smiles back.

(There's an aside here about Fitz undergoing his Man Ceremony, a strange and ancient Bar mitzvah where dudes in masks come to his room in the dead of night and bestow upon him a new Man Name. The Man Ceremony is literally never mentioned ever again in the entire series, but Fitz's Man Name is-- Changer.)

Fitz is blindfolded, put in his Test Carriage, and taken to the faraway place where he'll wait for his Skill message. The Test Carriage pulls to the side of the road, throws Fitz out, then screeches off. Fitz stands up and takes off his blindfold. Hey, this place looks kind of famil-- oh, it's Forge, where all the zombies live.

Neat.

Fitz sits down to prepare himself to receive his Skill message.Then he falls asleep.

Burrich is being attacked! Someone pushes him down the stairs! Smithy comes to the rescue, biting the attacker's leg!! But then--

["I MUST GO, MY PLANET NEEDS ME," SMITHY SAID AS HE SHOT INTO THE SKY. "I AM A GOOD DOG AND I HAVE EARNED MY TIME CHASING SPACE SQUIRRELS ON MY HOMEWORLD. FAREWELL!]

Fitz bolts upright. He's got to get home to help Burrich! Smithy's fine, he flew away before anyone could hurt him. But Burrich! He starts on the road home. Fuck the Skill message, he probably couldn't hear it anyway because he's bad at the Skill and always will be. But he's NOT bad at helping Burrich and writing a letter to Smithy who, again, went back to his home planet and is safe and sound.

He fights his way back through groups of zombies at Forge (and sees Vikings still hanging out in the ruins of the town) and hurries back toward Buckkeep.

Burrich is still alive, convalescing in the hospital with a wicked bump on the head. "I'm not dead," Fitz tells him. "I came back to help you."

"Smithy went back to his home planet," Burrich says.

"I know. He contacted me via our awesome wit-bond to say he was fine and nothing bad had happened to him."

"I can't believe you were talking to your dog instead of listening for your Skill message!"

"I wasn't going to hear a Skill message," Fitz explains. "I'm bad at the Skill. But I'm good at talking to animals."

"That's gross," Burrich says. "Never talk to me, ever again."

"This is the worst day of my life," Fitz moans.

"It's the worst day of your life SO FAR," The Fool clarifies from his hay bale.

[annot8]

Realm of the elderlings ask meme thing

There's nothing I love more than ranking my favourite things! (I have not finished Assassin's Fate yet so things could maybe change)

Favourite Rote book: Royal Assassin

Why: This is the one that took me the longest to read. It paints Buckkeep so vividly, I felt like I was walking down its corridors alongside Fitz. Assassin's Apprentice serves to set up the story, and then by Assassin's Quest, everything has changed. And then, even when we get back to Buckkeep in Tawny Man, nothing is the same. Royal Assassin feels the most like home.

You've got Fitz bonding with Nighteyes, you've got Kettricken as Queen-in-Waiting alongside Verity, you've got an ailing King Shrewd, you've got peak sneaky old man Chade, you've got Patience and Lacey, you've got Fitz and the Fool becoming friends, you've got Burrich being a questionable but earnest parental figure, you've got the messiest teenage relationships, you've got political intrigue, and fun witted shenanigans, and all the things I love most about this series.

And the backdrop of the RedShip War is so compelling. It does what Piebalds don't do quite as well in Tawny Man. The threat lingers so heavily and is intertwined in everything that happens.

And it has one of the most well written endings I've ever read. The way everything comes together is insane. From Shrewd dying to Fitz being resurrected. His time in nighteyes' body is a masterpiece and an achievement of writing.

Top three favourite characters: Fitz, Beloved, Nighteyes (It feels wrong to not also mention Kettricken and Burrich here because I love them SO MUCH)

Top three least favourite characters: Dwalia, Ellik, Greft

Favourite ship of the floating kind: Paragon or Vivacia - I can't decide! You can't make me!

Top 3 ships of the people kind: Fitzloved, Alise x Leftrin, and Burrich x Chivalry x Patience - though also have a soft spot for Molly and Burrich.

Would you rather be witted or skilled: Being Skilled would probably be so much more practical, but Witted.

If you were witted, what animal would you bond with: a lazy little cat

Would you rather live in the Outislands, the Mountain Kingdom, the Six duchies, Bingtown, the Rain wilds, Kelsingra, Jamailia, the Pirate isles or Mercenia/Fool's homeland?: This feels like the wrong answer, but its the Six Duchies for me. The descriptions of Buck remind me so much of where I grew up in the cold by the sea. it feels familiar.

How were you introduced to the books: My mum!

Share a quote you love:

'Come, hunt with me, the invitation whispers in my heart. Leave the pain behind and let your life be your own again. There is a place where all time is now, and the choices are simple and always your own.

Wolves have no Kings.

-Royal Assassin, Epilogue

I think I've seen most of my mutuals do this. If you haven't, consider this me tagging you! and anyone else who wants to do it! xx

[divine529]

Realm of the Elderlings Ask Meme Thing

I was tagged by @tragediegh! Thanks so much! I haven't seen this one floating around in a long time!

Favorite Rote Book: It changes fairly often, but currently "Fool's Errand".

Why: It's the least harrowing Fitz book (yes I know he's pulled out of his quiet life and back into the fray of politics and intrigue and it comes at a great cost to one of his nearest and dearest). I just love how quiet it is, Fitz and the Fool's dynamic is top tier and Fitz is in an interesting place as a character and it has some of my favorite scenes and quotes in it. It reads like a romantic comedy in some ways. There's just so much to love about it.

Top Three Favorite Characters: This is a tough one! There are so many characters I love (it might be fun to do by Fitz books, LST and RWC honestly), but the ones who live in my brain rent free most days are always The Fool (all of their facets), Nighteyes and Fitz.

Top Three Least Favorite Characters: To say I agonized over this question for a long time would be an understatement. Hobb has such an incredible ability to write compelling dislikeable characters to the point where everyone adds something to the story even if you hate them. There are plenty of characters I find irritating though, but do I actually dislike them? No. There are only two characters I truly hate and the third I'm mentioning I just feel very apathetic about for the most part. I truly dislike/hate Kyle and Hest, and the third is Bee. I don't hate her, but I don't love her.

Favorite Ship (of the floating kind): Paragon, but I also love Ophelia.

Top Three Favorite Ships (of the people kind): I love so many ships both canon and non-canon and it also changes (except for Fitz x Fool, they're always a constant). Fitz x Fool are my everything always, Alise x Leftrin and Malta x Reyn (but shout-outs to Patience x Lacey, Burrich x Chivalry, Brashen x Althea, Malta x Nettle and Carson x Sedric too.). Truly I love how shippable RotE is across the board and the complexity of all of the relationships, issues and all.

Would you rather be Witted or Skilled? Honestly I see the benefits of both and if I could have both, I would pick that, but since I have to pick one, I'll pick Witted.

If you were Witted, what animal would you bond with? That depends on where I was living. If I was by the sea, dolphin, if I was on land a dog of some kind or a wolf possibly or a red-tailed hawk or possibly a horse and most likely a Friesan. But being realistic, some kind of canine.

Would you rather live in the Outislands, the Mountain Kingdom, the Six Duchies, Bingtown, The Rain Wilds, Kelsingra, Jamaillia, The Pirate Isles, or the Fool's Homeland? Another tough one! Probably either Bingtown or the Fool's Homeland (Mercenia I believe?). Realistically, I'd be a nomad and hop from place to place because they all interest me.

How were you introduced to the books? A close friend of mine from college read them and I was in one of those places where I looked at my shelves and nothing looked appealing, asked her for some recommendations and RotE was one of the series on the list (she didn't tell me it was 16 books at first) and I started it and the rest is more or less history.

Share a quote you love: Should I show you the tabs on my books? There are so many quotes I love, but I'll pick one or two.

'History is no more fixed and dead than the future. The past is no further away than the last breath you took.' Fool's Errand

"Don’t do what you can’t undo, until you’ve considered what you can’t do once you’ve done it." Assassin's Apprentice

"Leave the pain behind and let your life be your own again. There is a place where all time is now, and the choices are simple and always your own. Wolves have no kings" Royal Assassin

And so many more, but those came to mind first.

Tagging: I have no idea who has done this or who wants to do it, but if you love RotE, and you see this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged!

[cptablovegood]

Ok, ok, ok

So I know Robin Hobb explain the reason that Burrich didn’t like Patience and apparently it’s because he used to be in love with her before she married Chivalry

BUT let us discuss the far more obvious and believable reason

BURRICH WAS IN LOVE WITH CHIVALRY

This is simply a fact

Literally would do and did do anything Chivalry asked him sometimes despite his better judgement

Disliked Patience because he was jealous that she had stolen Chivalry away not the other way around

Would often give his strength and energy to Chivalry when he was skilling

Saved Chivalry’s life more than once, without a thought for himself one time in which resulting in his near crippling!

Gave his earring, which held IMMENSE financial and sentimental value to Chivalry, clearly as a token of affection

Was angry when Patienece gave it to Fitz because 1) it wasn’t hers to give 2) she didn’t understand the significance of it and 3) he wanted it to be buried with Chivalry so a part of them would be together even in death

Left his side to look after his child even though he didn’t know what to do with a kid

Fucking did his best and loved that child SO FUCKING MUCH

Not old did he raise Chivalry’s child as his own but also his granddaughter

Names his son after Chivalry

If that’s not some gay ‘I’m super in love with you shit’ then I don’t know what is.

Also Chivalry fully knew but made sure it was never weird between them cos he still loves Burrich as a brother and never wanted him to feel uncomfortable and obviously he was the only person he could entrust to look after his son

[smalltownfae]

RotE Event: Underrated Love

There have been some fandom events last year for the Realm of the Elderlings series by Robin Hobb so this year I hope there will continue to be fantastic ideas to keep the fandom alive.

Since today is Valentine's day I decided to announce an event dedicated to ships from the series. But, not any ships. This event is dedicated to fan works for rarepairs and crackships. That means that popular ships in the fandom do not participate this time. That is ships like Fitz x Fool, Jek x Amber, Fitz x Molly, Patience x Lacey, Chivalry x Burrich, etc. If there is more than 2 fanworks of the ship done by different people that ship is probably too popular for this event xD

This event came into existence in order for people to have fun and be creative about other pairings in the fandom. It's also perfect for those who already have niche ships.

There is already an example of fan art in those lines with the pairing of Chivalry and Rurisk: here

The fan works include fanart, fanfic or any other creative works (for example, cosplay or photography).

The event officially starts tomorrow, February 15th of 2021 and lasts until March 31st of 2021. The works can be published under the tag "rote underrated love 2021" (or maybe shortened to rul2021? I accept suggestions. This was very last minute xD).

I hope you all have fun and enjoy it.

[themouseinthelibrary-blog]

#14 read of the year: Royal Assassin by Robin Hobb

Back to life, exams over, so happy and free i’m going to break into Elsa and sing let it go all day X)

I’m still in love with the Farseer trilogy so far. Not doing a real review of the thing here, just giving you a hint of my reactions when reading Royal Assassin!

Spoilers! ahead 

Patience made it into the “fav list”

So did the fool

Patience and Burrich story is so cute and sad, my love for them sky-rocketed (well, for Burrich it was rather easy, Patience is so high in the fav list it’s a miracle she could get higher XD)

Speaking of love:

Poor Kettricken

Poor Prince Verity

Why are they making themselves miserable when they could be nice to each other and face this together? No idea, but I blame Verity. Yes, yes, care for your wife and you two will be the power couple.

and so they did, good for them. It was so cute, I was all puppy and rainbows. 

Which leads us to Fitz lovelife:

I could feel that something would go wrong between Molly and Fitz, everyone could, it’s so obvious. Too soon too good, that calls for a downfall. 

I swear that when Verity was finally able to use his Skill on Fitz and it happened when he was having sex with Kettricken, I was so shocked. How awkward. But what trully shocked me: I was in this “Molly and Fitz are going to face troubles” and for a second I thought “but it can’t be that kind of trouble? the kind “I might like the queen-in-waiting because Verity uses his Skill on me and now it has tainted my feelings”????” Luckily that’s not what happened (can you imagine the madness??)

Is it bad that I want Fitz to end up with Celerity rather than Molly? I must not like Molly I guess (but I have no clue why, the girl is badass and strong and clever and just watch for herself but meeeeh)

Why is I-can’t-find-his-name-in-english/ Regal’s healer still around King Shrewd?? Why?? Why is nobody trying to stop him???

And of course he was poisonning the king on Regal’s orders, so obvious! Why Fitz or Chade hasn’t kill him is beyond comprehension to me. 

I hate Regal. And Galen’s Coterie. Especially Serene. But not like I hated Galen, with a burning passion, no, I’m just mad at them. 

And Regal fooling everyone makes it worse. 

Just to sum up: the first part lacks action,it’s all psychological or rather EVERYONE GETTING DEPRESSED and the seconde part trully is the one where evrythong takes place. Just one thing left to say: go Kettricken, you badass, and don’t worry Fitz, maybe one day you won’t spend the end of a book in a bad situation

[izzi-illustrates]

Would folks be interested in a Realm of the Elderlings/Fitz & the Fool zine of my fanart? I've been going a bit nuts drawing various characters/ships/rooms recently and was wondering if anyone would be interested in seeing them all together...

examples of Farseer stuff I'm drawing: Patience x Lacey, characters in their rooms, Kettricken (lots of Kettricken), Farseer family tree, Burrich x Molly, Fitz x Molly x Beloved, and more!

[cyberphuck]

ROYAL ASSASSIN ABRIDGED: PRELUDE

My friend Razz wants to understand my shitposting about the Farseer Trilogy, but doesn't want to actually have to read the books, so I'm summarizing them for them (and you)!

 Read previous entries

 LAST TIME, ON DRAGON BOOK Z: Fitz is a bastard who knows telepathy and talks to animals. He's taught to be an assassin, then goes up to the mountains on a mission and completely fails at it. His uncle tries to kill him. His OTHER uncle gets married.

 CAST OF CHARACTERS (holy shit there are so many characters in this book)

 THE FARSEERS

Six Duchies royal family, of which several members are now dead. This will include Farseers-by-Marriage (Dead or head-exploded characters will have their own category).

 FitzChivalry Farseer: The POV character, Prince Chivalry's bastard. Loyal as a K-Pop stan who still has a BTS McNugget meal preserved in their freezer. He possesses both the Skill (Professor X telepathy) and the Wit (Dr. Doolittle animal chats).

 Prince Verity: Currently King-in-Waiting, a lifelong second-in-command who was suddenly thrust into a leadership role when his older brother fucked off to be assassinated. Recently married, super strong in the Skill, does not ask for consent before mind-molesting Fitz.

 Queen Kettricken: Recently married to Verity, she came all the way from the Mountain Kingdom to clean up Buckkeep and be miserable because she's used to doing Crossfit in the snow and now she has to sit and pretend to laugh at other people's jokes.

 Prince Regal: The sneaky, moustache-twirling evil younger half brother of Verity. He killed like four people at Verity's wedding and tried to murder Fitz with a hot tub, and they just sort of let him get away with it.

 King Shrewd: The current king, currently pretty old and afflicted with some kind of wasting disease. Fitz is technically bound to him by a pact he made as a child, but they both kind of ignore that most of the time.

 Chade: King Shrewd’s older half-brother on the wrong side of the sheets. An assassin. Lives in the walls. Has a weasel. Came out of the wall into Fitz's room and taught him how to be an assassin. Sort of a father figure, but the kind that yells at you to hold the flashlight steady while he works on the car.

 Patience: Chivalry’s widow. Helicopter-parents Fitz whenever he comes within fifteen feet of her. The ADHD champion of the Six ooh is that a book on rare ferns?

 NOBLES

 Duke Brawndy: Duke of Ripplekeep, a pretty stand-up dude. Father to Celerity and member of the Fitz Fan Club.

 Lady Celerity: Has a big ol' fourteen-year-old crush on handsome, virile Fitz. She's pretty okay for someone who was named after a vegetable you put peanut butter on.

 Duke Kelvar: Remember him? He finally manned his fucking watchtowers at Neatbay. Fitz fanclub member. Husband to Lady Grace, his young hotness wife whose dog Fitz pulled a fish bone out of.

 CASTLE AND STABLE FOLK

 Burrich: Fitz's primary father figure, the kind that takes you to football games and Hooters to try to flush the Gay out of you. Stablemaster of Buckkeep, and also has the Wit. Used to be heterosexual life partners with Prince Chivalry. Took several blows to the head last book and seems to be okay.

 Hands: Fitz's stablehand friend. He's been relegated to background character.

 Lacy: Patience’s serving woman and bestie. Makes lace, nods indulgently and will stab you.

 The Fool: Albino freak-teenager with a special interest in cryptids and making up rhymes about farting. King Shrewd's jester.

 Justin: Part of the Skill Coterie. Hangs out with Serene most of the time, card-carrying member of the Fitz Sucks and Smells Bad club.

 Serene: The only female member of the Skill Coterie. Treasurer of the Fitz Sucks and Smells Bad club.

 Carrod: Local fop and member of the Skill Coterie. In this book he mostly sneers at Fitz and says cringe things while everyone else is trying to work.

 Burl: Part of the Skill Coterie... is Burl even in this book? I can't remember. Less dumb than you think he is.

 Will: Part of the Skill Coterie. Hangs out in shadows and stares fixedly at people.

 Molly Chandler: A candlemaker and servant who wants to go back to being a candlemaker. Girlboss. Fitz would buy her bathwater.

 Rosemary: Kettricken's page. She's just a little girl. So cute. What's she doing? Oh, she's coloring. Aww.

 Wallace: King Shrewd's servant and sometimes healer. One time the Fool calls him Wall's-ass.

 Bolt: A guardsman who shows up at the end of the book to punch Fitz repeatedly in the face. I only mention him here because he shows up in the next book as well.

 Blade: An older guardsman, Fitz fanclub member.

 ANIMALS:

 Cub/Nighteyes: A wolf soul-bonded to Fitz. Talks in italics. Possesses the single braincell out of everyone in the entire series.

 Sooty: Fitz’s horse. Best mare, perfect cinnamon roll and can do no wrong.

 Vixen: Burrich’s dog. Good dog.

 Slink: A weasel belonging to Chade.

 OTHER NOTABLES:

 The Red Ship Raiders: Mongolian Vikings who have been Viking their merry way up and down the coast, burninating villages and kidnapping people to be Forged.

 Forged people: Zombies. It's a tiny bit more complicated than that, but you don't find that out for another like, six books, so: they're zombies.

 Lady Thyme: A horrible old woman who is really Chade in disguise. The Elderlings: Who are they? What are they? No one knows. 

 DEAD PEOPLE:

 Chivalry: Dead from probably assassination.

 Queen Desire: Regal's mom, dead from drug use but Regal THINKS it was assassination.

 Rurisk: Dead from poisoning by Regal.

 Cobb: Dead from stab by Fitz.

 Galen: Dead from Skill-explosion by Verity.

 August: Okay he's not DEAD, but Verity Skill-megaphoned him and he went to live on a farm upstate.

 Smithy: Went back to his home planet after Cobb hugged him and told him he was a good boy.

 Nosy: Went back to his home planet after saving Fitz from dying in a hot tub.

 MAGICS (I know magic is not a character, but they do have to be explained somewhere)

 The Wit: The ability to “bond” with certain animals and speak with them, as well as sense life force and to do a kind of mental shove at people. You tend to act a little like the animal you’ve bonded to. Witted people are considered gross and animalistic and are run out of town or put to death.

 The Skill: Telepathy. Considered the “birthright” of the Farseers. Most people can sense it at least a little, but it takes inborn talent and a lot of careful training to do anything useful with it. Skilling apparently feels awesome but if you give in to the temptation to fully open yourself to it you can get sucked out of your own brain.

 NEXT TIME: Part one of Royal Assassin Abridged!