#buck doesn't get it. he goes to eddie BECAUSE he doesn't get it.

[fire-hose]

Christmas Colds

no warnings other than buck and eddie

being dorks

Christmas was always Christopher's favorite holiday, they'd go all out with decorations since Eddie could remember. But now that Chris was in El Paso, he thought decorating was useless, just one more thing for him to worry about. Naturally he talked to Buck about it, what did he not talk to Buck about.

Buck reacted the exact opposite of how Eddie expected. He expected Buck to get sad for a moment, since he loved seeing what Eddie and Chris did to the house.

Eddie sat on his couch, beer in hand, Buck right next to him. The TV was on, playing an old telenovela that Eddie and Chris used to watch together all the time. Chris wouldn't stop talking about it when he still lived in LA, only now did Buck have the time to sit down and watch it with Eddie.

Buck's lips pursed against his beer bottle, a frown when he finished drinking "You're seriously not going to decorate this year?" Eddie huffed, setting his beer onto the coffee table "I told you, Chris isn't here and it'll just be a hassle to put up and clean" The dirty blonde hated that. Why did Eddie have to be deprived of Christmas spirit because his son was gone? Or simply because it was a bit of a struggle to put lights and a tree up? He wasn't giving up.

The next day while Bobby made lunch for the 118 the topic of Christmas was brought up again. "I have no idea what Mara wants for Christmas this year, we already have most of Denny's gifts. Mara says it's enough that she's here and Santa doesn't need to get her anything" Hen sighed, pushing her glasses up her head to rub her face. "Sure must be lucky to not have to get your own kids Christmas gifts, Buckaroo" Chim teased. He knew that at least half the gifts for Jee-Yun came from Buck, despite his and Maddie's refusal.

"Does Chris want anything sent to him in El Paso?" The 118 turned to Eddie after Chim's question. The brunette just shrugged, to which Buck decided to butt in. "You guys know how Eddie normally goes all out for Christmas? Well he decided not to this year since Chris isn't here. How dumb is that!"

The team just stared at Buck, Hen chiming in "If my kids weren't here, I wouldn't either. It's too much stress to put it all up, then take it down and back in the attic" Bobby placed the lasagna at the table, salad in the other hand "Athena is big on Christmas so we decorate every year regardless" Buck's 'broody pout' was on his face "Not that you can this year"

Buck spent the entire shift trying to convince Eddie to decorate, saying he would help put the decorations away after Christmas, but he wouldn't budge. Without his son, Christmas wasn't the same for Eddie. Just another day with old memories.

Eddie had a 24-hour shift that Saturday, and that gave Buck enough time to decorate. Only problem was, he had the same shift. He couldn't just call off, Bobby knew Buck's fake sick voice from his real sick voice. He was dedicated. Eddie's house was getting decorated that Saturday.

The LA winters were almost never harsh, a decent mid 50° F (10° C) and the wind was never too bad. So Buck ruled out standing outside in the cold for long periods of time to get sick. His next idea was rain. But that was also ruled out, there was no chance of rain the next few days. He ran out of ideas, so now he needed an improvise.

He came up with the idea of hosing himself in the cold, then taking a cold shower, and sleeping with minimal clothes on. It was fool proof to him. Only he didn't have a hose. So he called Maddie, she had a hose, and would normally go with his bullshit ideas.

"Maddie, my favorite sister, dear Maddie" Buck spoke once she answered the phone. Her sigh could be heard through the phone "You're either high or have a horrible plan that you'll regret and blame me for allowing it" She knew him too well.

"Evan Buckley. That might just be your worst plan ever" Maddie scolded him like a mother after he told her his idea. “And our hose broke at the end of summer when Jee was playing in the yard!” Chim yelled from the background. Of course he heard. When were those two not together?

Now Buck needed a different plan, he needed to get out of work that weekend to decorate Eddie’s house.

When he got home from his shift he started a cold shower, kicking off his sweaty clothes. He stepped into the shower, the water surprising him. He took one of the fastest shower of his life, just trying to get out of the cold water. He put on boxers and walked out on his balcony. He wanted nothing more than to rush inside under a blanket but he was going to stay outside till he was dry.

After about half an hour he stepped back inside, climbing up his loft stairs and plopping down on his bed. He almost instantly fell asleep.

The next morning he was disappointed when he wasn’t coughing, sneezing and his throat wasn’t in pain. He got ready for work like he didn’t just try to do something so idiotic. Maybe it was a sign from the universe, not that Eddie believed in it, but maybe somehow he manipulated the universe so he wouldn’t have a decorated house.

Buck was getting ahead of himself, maybe he wasn’t just trying hard enough. That was it. Probably..

When he got to the station he saw Eddie in the locker room, and he decided one last shot wouldn’t kill him. He started walking but Chimney stood in front of him “No more bothering that poor man about Christmas lights and a tree. Can’t you decorate your own place” Buck already did, it’s just not the same as Eddie’s house.

Chimney wasn’t giving up, not letting Buck go to the lockers till Eddie left. Then he just went back up to make lunch with Bobby.

Buck spent the whole shift trying to ask Eddie to decorate, but Chimney was always right there and more than willing to punch Buck (as they’ve learned when Maddie ran away). So he had to go home and figure out what to do so he could get the weekend off.

When the blonde got home he kicked off his shoes, exhausted he just climbed the steps of his loft, crashing against the soft blankets Maddie bought him.

Buck didn’t remember falling asleep till he woke up with this horrible itch in his throat. He got up and drank some water, it was still dark out. He read the time on the oven, 4:19AM. He grumbled and grabbed his phone, ringing Bobby.

“Buck?”

“Sorry did I wake you and Athena?”

“Don’t worry kid, why are you calling so early”

“I’m not gonna come in for work today, I’ve got an itchy throat”

“You head back to bed Buck, someone can cover for you”

When they hung up he put the glass of water in his sink, climbing back up to his bed. The shift started at noon. He had the perfect opportunity. At the cost of his health, but a week of a few coughs and sneezes was worth it.

After Buck got more sleep than what he expected, 7am. Sunday. His body wanting to stay in the bed, but he knew he needed to get this done within these next few hours. He climbed out of his bed, dragging his feet down the steps and sliding his shoes back on. He didn’t bother changing from the clothes he was in the night before, he knew Eddie wouldn’t mind if he happened to come home early.

Buck slid on his jacket, walking out his apartment and starting his Jeep, making his way to Eddie’s house. Once he arrived he unlocked the door with his spare key, closing it and locking it behind him. He walked to the hallway and opened the attic, bringing down the Christmas decorations.

He coughed as the dust rose, covering his face with his shirt. He brought them all down to the living room. Next he had to bring down the tree.

After an hour and a half of struggling, and debating on calling Maddie to bring the 118 too many times, he got the tree down and up.

Buck thought about making garland, keyword thought. He decided to just use tinsel, he wasn’t going to miss any more sleep over this.

After almost two hours, the ornaments were up on the tree. The blonde was exhausted, starting to really regret the sick idea. Buck rummaged through boxes, finding stockings. One with an E, the other a C. He smiled as he hung them up on the fireplace.

Buck spent the last few hours just perfecting everything, wanting to do the lights last. Finally around 11, he started to unravel them. Only God knows how he could’ve gotten so badly tangled in the lights, he just sat on Eddie’s couch, admitting defeat.

When he heard the sound of Eddie’s keys unlocking the front door he panicked, just sitting on the couch, waiting to get scolded by Eddie.

When Eddie walked in, facing the Christmas decorations, he just stood there. Most definitely confused. That was till he saw Buck, tangled in the lights on his couch “Buckley, I told you I didn’t want it decorated”

He walked up to the blonde “Cap said you were sick, did you fake sick to do this?” Buck wish he did, but he decided the real thing was best “I may have purposely gotten sick” Eddie shook his head with a soft laugh, carefully unraveling the lights from Buck.

Bucks cheeks were warm, sweat slowly dripping from his forehead. Eddie wasn’t letting it go unnoticed, but his first priority was to get him out the lights.

When he finally got Buck untangled, he helped him up and to his room “Chris is gonna love the house when he sees it, but he will most definitely not love you being sick on purpose” Eddie walked to the bathroom, running cold water on a washcloth, waking back and putting it against Buck’s forehead “If I get sick you’re covering my shift”

Buck softly laughed and nodded, lying on Eddie’s bed, the blanket over him “I’ll cover your shift Eds” The brunette smiled, turning on the fan of his room.

After Eddie got himself some dinner and ate he made his way back to his room where Buck was asleep. He laid on the other side of the bed, a hesitant hand going up to Buck’s loose curls.

He pushed them back, not seeing the other man’s eyes open slowly. Eddie had a smile as he ran his fingers through Bucks hair. “Did Chris like it?” Eddie looked down and nodded “He loved it, he loves anything his Buck does. You might’ve convinced him to come back”

Buck smiled and closed his eyes again “That’s good, I worked my ass off for him” Eddies hand slightly shook, he never felt so hung up about Buck, sure he had a few thoughts about him on occasion but who didn’t? It was god damn Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley, six foot, super strong, great with kids, he was amazing.

Eddie’s hand froze, and Buck noticed, opening his eyes as he spoke “Ed-“ He was cut off by lips against his, an awkward kiss. Eddie pulled away after a second. “Shit sorry Buck, I don’t know what came over me” He pulled his face away, keeping his distance.

Till Buck pulled him back for a kiss, eyes closed with a smile. The kiss was just as awkward, but they were both just as into it. When the two finally separated for air, Eddie spoke “If I get sick I’m kicking your ass Buckley”

[muppeddie]

yknow what. tommy was buck's most functional relationship to date actually. yeah it wasn't the most exciting he had ever had and they didn't click that much but tommy was not about to move to another country or scared of what it meant to date a guy who risks his life for a living, he didn't grow to resent buck because they were fundamentally incompatible, he basically said "i would have loved to move in with you down the line but I can't because /you/ don't really want to. you just don't know it yet." because buck has misconstructed the idea of a romantic partner down to the bones of "i need someone that's my girlboyfriend because everyone has a girlboyfriend and it's all im missing to be complete." except he already takes everything that a partner could give you from eddie. a home, reassurance, family, someone who understands him and cares for him, someone he calls when he's down, someone who takes him to the hospital and sits with him and tells him when he's being stupid. that's eddie. buck knows it's eddie. so everything every other love interest does for buck will simply bounce off the walls of his beautifully insane brain and he can never understand what's wrong. why did tommy leave him? he didn't ask for much. (unaware that's the exact point). he's not looking for a partner he's looking for a paper-thin placeholder. imagine what it will feel like once he realizes he can just put the right name to the man who's been there all along and call it a day.

[makorragal-312]

If Brad's gonna be here for another episode, then he better do something completely reckless and batshit stupid that causes either Buck or Eddie to have an NDE because if that isn't the case, then WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL HERE??!!

[peppermintquartz]

Tommy POV

-

When Buck wakes up in the morning, it's to an empty bed again, and he almost freaks out until he hears movement in the kitchen downstairs.

Quietly pulling on his sweatpants, Buck creeps to the railing and watches Tommy moving around the space. His heart aches at the careful manner Tommy navigates the loft.

They never did get to talk about the breakup. Last night, Buck was too upset about Eddie and too overjoyed about Tommy to have coherent thoughts about anything. The moment he saw Tommy at the door, all he could think of was kissing him, and when Tommy didn't push him away, Buck dragged him to bed.

And Tommy was so thorough in their fucking - no, in their lovemaking - that Buck can still feel the soreness in the base of his spine. Tommy had once again shown up to give Buck what he needed and wanted.

But what does Tommy want?

For the first time in a long time, Buck realizes that he hasn't really thought about what his partners want from the relationship. Shame floods his cheeks.

Tommy always gives. When he wanted a tour of Harbor, when he wanted a second chance, when he wanted Tommy to come to a bachelor party despite being on call, when he wanted Tommy to be his date for Maddie's wedding. Even last night, when he wanted someone to be there for him, Tommy showed up and gave him what he wanted. Even the small, sweet acts of service: breakfasts in bed, fluffed pillows, gifts.

And Buck just took and took and took, reveling in the novelty of being provided and cared for so completely in a romance.

Maybe it's time he starts being more considerate of Tommy's needs and wants.

Clearly, Tommy doesn't want to move into the loft. After two weeks, Buck gets it. Tommy has a house, he has a nice garage, he has a Muay Thai setup.

Does Tommy want them to get back together? Was last night just a pity fuck? Is it commitment he's afraid of? Is marriage really off the table?

Tommy turns around and sees Buck. A fleeting moment of something odd passes over his face - vulnerability? yearning? - and then it's the familiar smile accompanying the tray of eggs and a few toasted slices of bread from one of the loaves in the fridge, along with fresh coffee.

"You want me to bring it up or do you wanna come down for it?" Tommy asks, setting the tray on the island.

"I'm coming down." Buck jogs down the stairs and goes straight to Tommy, placing his hands on Tommy's waist. He sees Tommy clenching his jaw. Taking a deep breath, Buck says, "I'm glad you're here."

Tommy leans in and touches noses with Buck. "Of course." His smile is lopsided. "What's with all the bread in the fridge?"

"I missed you, so I baked." Buck breathes Tommy in. His scent soothes a restlessness deep in Buck’s soul. "Every time I thought of contacting you, I baked. Chim and Hen are threatening to rip out my oven from the amount of baked goods I foisted on them."

Tommy chuckles. He sounds almost as if the breakup never happened. "Well, they get a reprieve now."

Buck wants to rip the mask off with his teeth. He settles for taking Tommy's hand and sitting beside him, the breakfast tray still on the island.

"Tommy, let's get one thing clear," he says. "I'm really, honestly glad you're here. But we have issues to work through." He takes a deep breath. "I want to work through them. Do you?"

To his credit, Tommy doesn't avert his gaze. But the smile fades and a haunted expression emerges. His hand jerks in Buck's grip - just a teeny bit - and he swallows convulsively.

Buck waits.

After a long moment, Tommy nods, once. "I don't... I don’t know if I know how to stay. Not if I don’t know whether you’ll want me."

"No, no you can't, and all I can say is, right now, the only future I want is one where I am with you." Buck clasps Tommy's left hand between both of his own. "But I wanna try, Tommy. And I need to know if you want to try too. Because... I know I jumped the gun and I said something that wasn't quite getting my point across. But I wanna try, with you. To make this relationship last."

Tommy is biting his lips. He can't seem to speak. To Buck’s tender shock, tears brim over and fall from stormy eyes. He tries to turn away but Buck catches his jaw in one large hand, holds him steady.

“Honey, it’s okay,” Buck croons, brushing the pads of his thumb over the tops of Tommy’s alpine cheekbones. “I have you. I’m here. Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

Tommy forces a chuckle; the smile falls flat. “I’m hopelessly in love with you. And I don’t… I don’t want to… Good things don’t last, Evan. Not for people like me.”

Buck wants to go back in time to tear apart every single person who has made Tommy doubt himself so much. But Buck knows that platitudes will only sound empty; he himself has lost plenty of good things, and yes, good things don’t last forever.

“But some good things do last long enough,” Buck says. “And lots more people could stand to learn from people like you.”

“I’m not anyone special.”

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Buck whispers. Brave and terrified. Strong and vulnerable. Giving and defensive. He has to cup Tommy’s cheek to keep eye contact. “And I’m willing to spend as much time as you’re willing to give me to show you.” He leans in and kisses Tommy, mouth closed, just a touch of lips to lips. “Are you willing?”

He waits and listens to Tommy’s breathing. He doesn’t know how long it takes, but for once, he’s not in a hurry. They’re in his loft, there’s freshly made breakfast, steam curls up from the mug of coffee. Tommy is here, warm and hesitant yet trusting.

He can wait. This is a good moment.

Finally, eventually, Tommy whispers, “Yes.”

The resulting kiss is swift and gentle. It is a promise to try: try to be considerate, try to be hopeful, try to be together for long enough that they forget how life was before them.

Maybe it is a promise of love.

[alchemistc]

Part One

They don't tell anyone. Not about the marriage certificate, at least. Buck comes back from his conference with a new-old boyfriend and money exchanges hands despite protest from the losers that Bobby had inside knowledge.

(He did not.)

They put the rings away. They talk a bunch of shit out that they'd only skimmed the surface of on the patio of that dingy bar.

Buck buys him that beer.

Finally.

Things are - things aren't easy. Buck skips ahead in his own mind and desperately backpedals before Tommy notices (he hopes). Tommy continues to be tight lipped about things, goes with the flow more often than he should and absolutely hates being called out about it.

Eddie is slow to readjust to having Tommy back in their lives.

With Chris back, he swears up and down he believes Buck that they're both serious about this, but he invites Tommy over less, doesn't involve him in Chris's life as often. Buck tries desperately not to let Eddie's hesitancy inform any of the feelings bubbling in his chest, any of the half-formed futures in his head.

Bobby calls Tommy and they go out for coffee and Tommy spends a week pretending to be so fucking fine about whatever they talked about that Buck starts baking again.

Tommy's abs get a little less defined.

Buck takes him to a gay bar, because they never did that before, never explored anything that wasn't just the two of them, never talked about the community or the history or the impact of being queer. The first time someone approaches their spot at the corner of the bar, Tommy seems to be trying incredibly hard not to read into any of the reactions Buck is having, and failing miserably.

But the thing is. The thing is Buck did this on his own. Petty, unhappy, Tommy's words swirling in his head, he's tried a few dozen times to find another person remotely as appealing as the one at his side, and they'd all fallen short.

When the guy asks Buck if he wants to dance Buck blurts out words before he can think about it that he's absolutely certain are gonna send Tommy spiraling. "Appreciate the offer, but I'm here with my husband. We're celebrating."

The guy blinks. He's young. Younger than Buck, slim and attractive, dark brown eyes and light brown skin that glows golden even in the crappy bar lighting. His gaze darts almost eagerly between them, like he's seeing something he hadn't expected. Something hopeful blooms in his gaze, and Buck - oh.

Buck gets it.

That's a lot of weight to carry just for existing in the world and trying to snatch some happiness from it.

Buck smooths a hand over Tommy's knee and smiles at him, something soft and settled that has been harder to find this time around but still curls up against his spine like it belongs there.

The kid buys them a round and leaves.

"What are we celebrating?" Tommy asks, and Buck pretends not to notice the way his thumb is rubbing over the bare patch of skin where Buck had slid a ring, a few months ago. He's not freaking.

"Whatever we want," Buck says with a shrug, and doesn't mention that neither one of them have brought up the marriage certificate tucked away in Tommy's safe since they got back from Vegas.

---

"The Abby thing is still weird," Buck says, breath heaving as Tommy rearranges Buck's legs and tucks himself into Buck's side. They'd spent an evening talking candidly about their exes because Buck can't understand how they went six months without realizing.

Tommy's hands shift through the hair Buck stopped shaving the first time Tommy admitted he preferred it to the baby smooth skin Buck had tried desperately to maintain for the first four months. It's just now feeling normal, after so many years of keeping it smooth.

"I think she'd freak more than you did."

"I managed to implode a six month relationship with my freak, Tommy."

Tommy chuffs a laugh. Slides his calf up and down Buck's lower leg, and despite the fact that Buck has a few more notches in his belt that'd had that same scritch of hair against his, Buck relishes the feel just because it's Tommy.

"You had help." He pauses, though, tips his chin and tucks it against the give of Buck's shoulder. "I'm not implying her reaction was particularly homophobic, but - I think that was the worst part, for her. The fact that I hadn't just lied about how I felt. It was - she assumed I couldn't feel it."

Buck can't help the brow raise. "Tommy, you're a Kinsey six."

"I still loved her."

He's been working his way through romantic vs sexual vs platonic and learning a whole hell of a lot in the process. He gets Tommy's point. He's thrilled that Tommy is still in a sharing mood. It's just -

Tommy shifts, noses into Buck's underarm. Breathes deep, and Buck has to fight the urge to shove him away.

"If I'm totally off base here tell me, but I think you loved her like I love Eddie."

Tommy narrows his eyes. Contemplates. "Tell me again how jealous of his hair you were when you met," he decides on, and shrieks when Buck digs a finger into his ribs in retaliation.

---

They fight, and it's thrilling.

They never did that before. Minced their words and apologized and let it all drop away but never actually let it go, and when Tommy gets on a roll he's bitchy as hell. It drives Buck insane. He wants to wring his fucking neck. He wants to take him to the mat and actually learn enough about Muay Thai to stand a chance lasting two minutes. He wants to throw him against a wall and jack him off until he sees stars.

"He wouldn't do the same for me, Evan, so why should I bother?!"

Tommy's dad is dying. According to Tommy, it's days or weeks, not months or years, and Tommy had said it so emotionless that Buck had jokingly tried to check him for panels and plugs and wiring. Tommy hadn't appreciated the robot joke.

"Screw your dad, Tommy! Do it for yourself."

"I'm not like you, Evan! That bridge burned a decade ago. I don't need - ." He pinches the bridge of his nose. Grimaces and sucks in a breath. Usually that means he's yanking back words he knows he'll regret. Rearranging them in his mind until they're less likely to sting. "I don't want a death bed reconciliation any more than I want to be proven right about him."

Buck takes two weeks off to help Tommy plan the funeral.

Tommy tosses the contents of the urn into the ocean two weeks later, and when Buck asks about it, Tommy gives him a shifty look, like he thinks the answer might send Buck running. "He hated the ocean."

It's the last time they talk about his dad, for a while.

[whineandcheese24]

thinking about a universe where Buck never went to the basketball game, or at least never body-checked Eddie. Buck still has this weird feeling, but he goes home and he tries not to think about it, and he goes to work and he tries not to think about it, and Eddie tells him about the drinks he and Tommy grabbed after the game and he tries not to think too much about the twist in his gut or the shiver down his spine. but then he gets a call from Tommy asking if he was serious about those flying lessons, and Buck says yes before he even processes the question because all he hears is that he'll get to spend time with Tommy without anyone else there. he doesn't quite understand why but he knows that's what wants. So he and Tommy meet up at the hangar for a lesson, and one lesson turns into two turns into four turns into drinks after shifts and Tommy's karaoke bar trivia. And he and Tommy are friends now but that fluttery feeling in his stomach never quite goes away. One day Tommy offers to show him some muay thai moves and Buck doesn't think anything of it until Tommy is shirtless and sweaty and Buck loses focus long enough for Tommy to end up on top of him and Buck's face is burning up in a way he knows is from more than the workout but he doesn't know why. Buck goes home after that hot and bothered and really confused and maybe he just needs to start dating again. It has been a while since he and Natalia broke up, but he scrolls through a dating app for a half hour, and none of the women that show up are appealing so he goes to sleep unsatisfied, mind drifting to hard muscles and big arms and a crinkly smile that he doesn't remember in the morning. This goes on for a little while, where he hangs out with Tommy, and his stomach flutters in a way he can't explain. Until one day after flying lessons, Tommy comes up to his apartment, and Buck hands him a beer, and the two of them are sitting next to each other at the kitchen island just talking about life and work and flying, and the whole time Buck is hanging on Tommy's every word, looking directly in his eyes, ever so slightly tilting his head, moving his arm closer, scooting forward in his chair, and he doesn't even realize what he's doing except Tommy's voice is low and gravelly, and Buck's face is heating up again, and it's getting hard to keep looking at him so he goes to get another beer, and when he comes back Tommy is standing. And he's just a hair taller than Buck, but it's enough to make his breath catch in his throat. In this universe, when Tommy leans in, his fingers guiding Buck's chin up to his lips, he's slow and deliberate. In this universe, Buck kisses him back harder and hungrier, because even though he still wasn't sure what it was Tommy was making him feel, he can't say he's surprised this is where they ended up. In this universe, Tommy takes weeks to kiss him, but it's longer and hotter and doesn't just stop at a peck.

[lesbianrobin]

ok so here is my pitch for my dream buddie catalyst:

eddie and maddie are trapped in some sort of likely-fatal time sensitive situation together (drowning related probably because it's Them) (have they overused it yes is it still thematically appropriate YES) where one person could potentially sacrifice themselves for the other to survive. i want eddie and maddie using their combined experience and ingenuity to survive together and discussing who should be prioritized which means they talk about parenthood and how they both feel they've failed their children by "running," how their lives have been so defined by trauma and they don't want to scar their children any further by leaving them again. of course they're doing everything they can to get out together, but as the situation deteriorates throughout the episode(s) (c'mon something like this could be at LEAST a two-parter) they can't help returning periodically to the world's most morbid debate.

i want buck and chim on the outside both going out of their goddamn minds. they know that eddie and maddie are stuck (wherever), know that they're probably alive, but aren't sure in what condition and if they'll stay that way. rescue operations begin as everybody walks on eggshells around buck and tries to comfort chim, who wants absolutely none of it. time is running out.

eddie says that he couldn't possibly let maddie sacrifice herself for him and look buck and chim in the eye afterwards. maddie says that she couldn't do that either. she says that at least jee-yun would still have her father, and eddie says that christopher would still have buck. maddie says that of course none of them would just abandon christopher if something were to happen to him but—

and eddie cuts her off and says it's in my will. if i die, christopher will have buck. buck will have christopher.

they just look at each other for a weighted moment. maddie makes a decision. she says ...i meant it, you know. that i couldn't let you die down here (wherever here is i don't KNOW okay i'm not here to think up convoluted emergencies i'm here for drama) and look my baby brother in the eye knowing that i could have changed it. eddie says i know, okay, but it's different, you're his sister, and maddie says, yeah, but you're his... and she pauses. and eddie says what? best friend? partner? that doesn't—

and maddie says you're his. eddie, you're his.

and eddie... i want to see something slot into place. i want to watch him understand as maddie spills everything she's been suspecting since the day that buck came out to her and maybe since before she and eddie even met. maddie says you know, when i first came to california, you were all he talked about? you're still all he talks about. you and christopher. you're his. i couldn't... eddie, you're out of your mind if you really don't think that losing you would break him just as much as losing me. he would forgive us both, because he's buck, but i couldn't... i'm no saint, eddie, i want to survive. i don't want my daughter to grow up without me. but i can't do that to him. i don't know if he'd survive it. even if he did, the guilt would eat me alive.

meanwhile. buck is barely holding on to his sanity as rescue efforts are underway and time is running out. chimney is keeping it together as best he can but there isn't much that he and buck can do. he can't let himself fall apart because buck is already a stiff breeze away from clawing his own skin off and somebody has to keep their cool. something goes wrong—suddenly, their short amount of time has gotten shorter, and they may only have enough of a window to get one out before it's too late for the other. buck, who has been ranting and arguing and screaming this whole time... is silent. he is silent, and he stares straight ahead at nothing in particular, and we know that no matter which way the scales tip, his soul will be destroyed all the same.

eddie regards maddie for a moment. grief, heartbreak, anger, all flicker over him, but what settles is determination. he says that neither of them are going to leave again. that they'll survive together, or not at all, or leave it to the universe to decide.

of course they make it out. by the skin of their teeth, they make it out, working together, clawing their way back to life and love and possibility. maddie makes it out first, and eddie sees buck as she falls into chim's waiting arms. he watches as buck sees his sister, and reaches out to take her hand with trembling fingers and white knuckles, but there is no relief, no happiness in his red-rimmed eyes. just a deep, unspeakable grief, until his eyes slide past maddie and meet eddie's.

finally: relief. and then he is in buck's arms, a perfect parallel to chim and maddie, and we see eddie's face over buck's shoulder, and we know. he is in love, and buck is in love, and eddie knows, and he sinks into his partner's embrace with joy and acceptance.

after that, who knows? maybe a grand confession. a moment of quiet understanding. a passionate post-rescue kiss. a chaste, tender kiss in some kitchen or other. maybe eddie panics later, or maybe he's found peace for once. maybe buck has realized something and he makes the first move. maybe it happens immediately. maybe it takes a while, takes discussions about how it'll affect work and christopher and whether it's worth risking all that they have for all that they want.

and maybe they'll ask whether it's even a risk at all.

[buddierecs]

fake dating buddie fics

all mature rating!!! make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

keeping score by: arcanaphora "after getting dumped, buck is left with two tickets to a weeklong cruise. eddie steps in to support a friend in need, but complications arise when his friend becomes his fake husband. all's fair in love, war, and trivia" word count: 23k important tags: cruise ships, fake marriage, mutual pining, gay disaster!eddie diaz, first kiss, making out 'cause we belong together now by: smilingbuckley "on a call, buck and eddie meet an adorable little girl that they fall in love with and want to adopt. the only problem? they're not together romantically..." word count: 68k important tags: kid fic, marriage of convenience, slow burn, friends to lovers, getting together, soft!buddie, miscommunication burn the straw house down by: rarakiplin "buck gets stuck in time, has a break down and then, relatedly, a break through" word count: 40k important tags: time loop, angst, car accidents, happy ending all i can see (is you) by: trippedandfell "buck and eddie agree to fake date to win a reality tv show. it goes... well, pretty much exactly how you'd expect." word count: 21k important tags: reality show au, mutual pining, idiots in love, only one bed, gay disaster!eddie diaz for a holiday (and forevermore) by: wikiangela "eddie's sick of personal, intrusive questions about his love life whenever he visits his family, so he starts bringing buck for the holidays as his (fake) boyfriend. he only wants to shut them up, and doesn't expect that the small crush he has on his best friend could actually turn into something more..." word count: 94k important tags: slow burn, friends to lovers, sharing a bed, pre-relationship, soft!buddie, family feels, fluff, pining little lies by: david3096 "chris tells a lie at school and now eddie and buck must give a talk about love and work pretending to be fiances." word count: 62k important tags: idiots in love, mutual pining, christopher diaz is a national treasure, fluff you and tequila make me crazy by: cranberrymoons "in which buck and eddie lose chimney because they're drunk and horny" word count: 1.5k important tags: drunken flirting, season 7, sexual tension, pre-relationship fireflies where my caution should be by: littlesnowpea ".....“there are people on the porch,” eddie says, voice even. “saying they want to meet their grandchild.”" word count: 13k important tags: TW: past child abuse, fake marriage, hurt!evan buckley, emotional hurt/comfort, self-esteem issues, protective!eddie diaz what if i fall in love backwards by: redridingstiles "five times buck and eddie saved each other by pretending to be together and the one time christopher helps" word count: 9.8k important tags: 5+1 things, best friends, protective!buddie, teasing, homophobia, marriage proposal i'd never let you fall and break your heart by: autistic_nightfury "four times buck and eddie pretended to be in a relationship so people wouldn't bother them, and the one time they actually were together" word count: 5.8k important tags: 4+1 things, friends to lovers, holding hands, forehead kissies, getting together, mild smut

[diazsdimples]

After the lightning, Buck downloads just about every weather app he can find. He doesn’t tell anyone - because he knows they’d immediately become concerned - he’s terrified of thunderstorms. If it’s forecast to be rainy, he’ll check, double check, and triple check that it’s only rain, and not a storm too. What he doesn’t know, is Eddie’s done the same thing.

The first storm happens a couple of months after Buck goes back to work, and he's ready for it. It's one of their nights off, so he gathers all the blankets in the loft, makes himself a little nest with his laptop, a hot water bottle, and some noise canceling headphones and he hunkers down for the night. He's just squeezed his eyes shut after the first flash of lightning when his phone rings. It's Eddie. Initially he doesn't want to answer, because he doesn't want to have anyone asking him how he is right now, but he also knows Eddie will just keep on ringing until he picks up. So he does.

Not once during that call does Eddie ask how Buck is. He immediately lauches into a long tale about Christopher's new crush, which turns into a story about the main characters on the telenovela he watches and "how the fuck have they not figure out they're in love yet", and finally they end up debating the pros and cons of having a smart fridge that shows you what's inside without having to open the door. Buck hangs up feeling a little confused, wondering what the occasion was for such a call, but the storm has passed and he didn't have a panic attack.

The next storm is in the dead of winter and Buck has been watching it brew for days, his anxiety mounting as it builds. He's planning on doing the same as last time, but then Eddie invites him over for dinner. It's not their usual night, and Chris is away with his grandparents in Texas, so Buck is a little confused but he says yes nonetheless. He's looking forward to some time with Eddie - the two of them have been toeing the line between friends and something more ever since the lightning, with long lingering touches and late night phone calls. When he gets there, Eddie has ordered them pizza, there's a case of beers on the coffee table, blankets on the couch, and a new sound system that looks like it could blow the windows out of the Sistine Chapel if given half a chance.

They have a really nice evening and Buck manages to ignore the way the clouds are churning outside, how the wind picks up and rain begins to splatter against the windowpanes. He's comfortable on the couch, with Eddie a warm line against his side from how closely they're pushed together. When the room lights up from the first strike of lightning, Buck jumps. He looks around wildly, just barely fighting the urge to clap his hands over his ears as the thunder booms. Eddie looks up from their movie, and turns up the sound on the TV until the thunder is inaudible. He places a hand on either one of Buck's shoulders and gently guides him down until he's settled against Eddie's chest. Eddie's arms wrap around Buck, holding him from behind and Buck can feel the fear slowly receeding.

"It's okay," Eddie whispers in his ear. "I've got you. You're safe."

The storm rages outside, but Buck doesn't panic. He's safe, in Eddie's arms, and though he might jump and his breathing might speed up every time there's a flash, Eddie strokes his arms and pets his hair and finally, almost nervously presses a kiss to Buck's forehead.

"Is- is this okay?" he asks Buck, so quietly that if it weren't for the fact that his lips were brushing Buck's ear, Buck wouldn't have heard it.

"Yeah," Buck replies, burrowing closer into Eddie's chest as his heart blooms with love, the warmth spreading down to his toes. "I'm safe."

[urhoneycombwitch]

eddie who's cynical and grumpy only because he hasn't had proper aftercare. most people just roll over or leave when they're done and those that do stay to cuddle, it's Eddie holding them and never the other way around. He doesn't want to admit that it makes him feel dissatisfied afterwards, like the sex wasn't even worth it, because he got laid, that's the point, why complain? But there's just something... missing (and I figure aftercare wasn't as talked about in the 80s so he isn't really too sure what that something is)

Until a night with reader where they have absolutely mind-blowing sex, parting with heavy breaths and as Eddie's heart rate starts to slow back down to normal again, he's waiting for reader to grab their clothes, roll over on their side, something that breaks the connection and makes his heart drop. But they don't, reaching out a weak hand (because they're sluggish waiting for their soul to return to their body) to rub his arm. A gentle back and forth, which feels nice, but Eddie's suspicious. What is this, why are they doing it, and why does it feel good?

And then, "Can I play with your hair?" (from the muse prompt lol) and he's agreeing with a shrug and when reader starts to card their fingers through his curls and massage his scalp, Eddie melts. It's like a whole brain recalibration. His icy heart getting thawed out just because someone made sure to take care of him too. And if reader wakes up earlier in the morning just to ask how he likes his eggs? Eddie's already decided that he's gotta lock them down.

+18 mdni

cw: p in v sex, cockwarming

It’s you tipping over the edge into orgasm, choking his cock with your velvet walls, soft whine spilling from the back of your throat, that takes Eddie with you.

As he comes, he burrows his face into your neck. Your hands reach for his skull to draw him closer, and he unintentionally bites down a bit too hard on the soft skin of your neck.

You let out a gasp, fingers seizing in his hair, and he’s quick to pull his mouth up, kissing and soothing over the spot he’s left with his teeth.

“Shit, sorry, sweetheart,” he pants, the affection slipping out despite himself.

“It’s’okay,” you mumble out in one word, limbs going to putty, hands extricating themselves from his hair.

Eddie rises to his elbows and moves to gingerly pull out but you stop him, fingers flying up to dig into the meat of his biceps.

“Wait, can you- will you just stay in? For a little bit?”

You’re not kidding, he can tell- you’ve got a wounded puppy look that he’s dying to change. Eddie sinks slowly back into you, rotates his hips a bit so you take less of his weight, and settles his head on your collarbone.

A big, dreamy sigh, from you- like you’re perfectly content because of how close Eddie is.

His eyes flutter shut when you begin tracing light lines with the pads of your fingers over his bare back.

“What’cha doin’?” Eddie murmurs into the skin of your sternum.

Up his spine, circling under the curtain of hair against his neck, down the spine again; looping and rhythmic. Your hands don’t slow as you whisper “Lovin’ on you, weirdo. Hush.”

You can feel the well of his dimples against your skin as he smiles.

“Can I play with your hair?” you ask quietly, and before he’s even finished nodding you’ve got both hands winding into his dark locks.

You start gentle, thumbs at his temples, light touches against his scalp, but when your hands find the roots you give a short but hard tug.

The little flash of pain goes straight to his dick, and he bucks into you with a low groan, half filled-out already.

“You gonna give me another pretty mark to look at?” you purr.

Eddie lifts his head from your chest and grazes his teeth into the opposing side of your neck just below your ear, in tandem with a sharp snap of his hips.

He catches your clit beneath his thumb and grins wicked when you moan, pulling up again to look down at you as he says, “Gimme another one of your pretty orgasms and we’ve got a deal.”

[cjlouwho]

I try not to get my hopes up with Tommy saving the day this season when he did that last season, but...

Tommy's already got his orders when the 118 arrives to the rendezvous sight. He goes up in 5 minutes. He sees Chim, Eddie, Hen, but no Evan. He goes over and asks where Evan is and Chim tells him he went to get Bobby. Eddie can tell Tommy is stressed and asks what's up, so Tommy fills them in on the plan. Obviously, they look at him like he's crazy. Except for Chimney, who says he's seen that movie before! And, "Tommy, that's not crazy... It's absolutely insane!"

He asks if any of them have a piece of paper. Hen does. She hands it to him with a pen and he scribbles something on it. Hands it back to her and asks her to give it to Evan. Don't read it, just please give it to Evan.

Anyway, by the time Buck and Bobby get there, Tommy's already in the sky. Hanging out of a helicopter, trying to rappel into the plane. Buck looks around asking where Tommy is, and Chim and Eddie point to the sky. He starts to panic, and Hen tries to calm him. She gives him the note Tommy wrote, but he's too nervous to even read it. Wants to give whoever came up with this plan a piece of his mind. Wants to get up in that helicopter and be with his boyfriend. Wants to do something.

They hear Tommy's voice over the radio as soon as he's inside the plane. Half the controls are broken and landing is going to be risky. There's a high chance it all falls apart. Bobby has a brief chance to talk to Athena, then Buck takes the radio. Tells Tommy he better land the damn thing. Tommy asks Evan if got the note. He says yes, but he hasn't read it yet. Tommy tells him he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to, but he means it. Means all of it.

Buck waits until they're coming in for a landing to read the note. Mostly because he can't watch if it all ends in disaster. His lip trembles a bit as he folds the note and puts it in his pocket once he's done reading. He still manages to see the plane hit the ground hard, skidding as Tommy tried to get it to stop.

Then the plane does stop. And it doesn't explode. And eventually people start coming out one by one, injured first. Then the rest of the passengers. Then crew. Then Athena is running to Bobby. Then Tommy... Tommy is looking around and Evan spots him first and he runs. He runs to Tommy so fast he thinks he might be completely out of breath by the time he gets to him. But he does get to him and he throws his arms around Tommy and holds him tighter than he's ever held anyone in his life. He kisses him and kisses him and his hands are shaking when he pulls back enough to look him in the eyes and say, "You're absolutely crazy. And I love you too, by the way."

[bekolxeram]

The sheer number of times Eddie is mentioned when Buck comes out to Maddie has been pointed out time and time again. Some take it as a sign that Buck is subconsciously in love with Eddie, some see it as foreshadowing for these two to be romantically involved in the future, while others simply think it's an Easter egg left in by writers as a nod to shippers.

The way I see it, there is a reason why Eddie keeps being brought up in this scene, but it's not what you think.

If you've rewatched this scene as much as I have, you'd remember that Buck actually isn't coming out to Maddie on purpose in this scene. He originally goes there to talk and ask for her advice, because he feels bad about the hot chicks incident when Eddie walked in on him and Tommy at the restaurant.

In fact, he fully intends to keep the identity of his date hidden. He can't even risk Chimney getting wind of it, in case he or Eddie puts two and two together and figures the whole thing out.

Maddie is always there to talk things out with her brother, but she would never turn down a chance to gossip.

He completely dodges Maddie's question and quickly changes the subject. He needs to tell Maddie the full story of his disastrous date, but he can only refer to Tommy as his date, or "this person". The more he does this, the higher the risk of slipping up, Maddie would likely ask more questions about this mysterious person as well, so Buck frames the whole narrative around the only person he can safely refer to: Eddie (and Marisol, but she isn't important in this story).

Maddie picks up on Buck's secrecy, now she really wants to know who this person is and why Buck refuses to reveal their identity. Buck again immediately shuts it down, and brings the topic back to Eddie.

While I'm sure Buck feels bad for lying to his best friend, especially when there's no reason to expect Eddie reacting with anything less than acceptance, when Buck starts actually talking about his behavior and what upsets him the most, it isn't really about Eddie. He's ashamed of himself for lying right in front of Tommy. In fact, he's so upset over Tommy cutting the date short and leaving him on the curb that he accidentally uses a gendered pronoun.

Maddie "I am 9-1-1" Han makes a career out of being a good and thorough listener, so of course she notices the pronoun. From this point on, the subject of the conversation shifts from Eddie to Buck's newly discovered sexuality, and later, Tommy.

Buck knows he goes to Maddie because he feels bad, but he still hasn't fully processed the fact that he's into men too and what it means to him. He's still calling himself an ally, a supporter of queer people, but he's confused as to why it doesn't seem to apply when it comes to himself. Maddie correctly points out that he's no longer just an ally, and the recency of his discovery might have been the cause of his strange and panicked behavior during the date.

This is the prime example of acting turning the same line into different meanings. The first "wow" seems to me like Maddie is finally connecting the dots. She practically raised her brother, it's not unlikely that she has previously witnessed Buck having boy problems. I feel like it's a "wow, everything makes so much sense now" wow. It looks like Buck takes a little offence at it and asks Maddie to clarify what she means by "wow". Maddie tells him it's more like a "wow, this is a nice surprise" wow.

Oh, boy is completely clueless. Maddie is just trying her best to keep up with Buck's increasingly oblivious statements.

Buck suddenly brings up Tommy, probably because he hasn't been able to stop thinking about him since the kiss. Apparently, he's so attracted to Tommy both physically and as a person, it makes him realize his interest in men, something no other has achieved thus far. Maddie recognizes the name her brother has been harping on for the past few weeks.

Poor Maddie must be so confused. First her brother and husband-to-be keep talking about how cool this pilot who saved everyone is, then he becomes Eddie's friend and Buck gets all jealous about it. Most recently, Maddie is horrified by Buck's action on the basketball court, because he only has a history of hurting himself to get someone's attention, not the target of his attention seeking. And now Buck has gone on a date with Tommy? So Maddie decides, one step at a time, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Buck initially tells Maddie about lying to his best friend and how he feels like a fraud, so she tackles (no pun intended) this part first.

If you come into this scene with preconceived notions, the word "feelings" being in proximity to the name Eddie may seem like to you that Maddie is pointing to "Buck's misplaced romantic feelings towards Eddie". But if you put these lines into context, Buck simply isn't sure of how he feels about his bisexuality in general. In fact, the only thing he's certain of in this entire conversation is his attraction to Tommy. Maddie also isn't bringing up Eddie out of the blue because she thinks her brother is secretly in love with his best friend. Again, Buck originally does want advice about lying to Eddie, albeit partly using his name to avoid revealing his date's identity, so Maddie gives it to him now, no need to read too much in between the lines, especially after the "wow" exchange.

Now that the Eddie stuff is out of the way, Maddie can comfortably gossip about Buck's new hot pilot crush. And Buck looks absolutely smitten at the mere mention of Tommy.

Eddie is undoubtedly a very important person in Buck's life, and it must be killing Buck inside for lying about something so important to his best friend. Though in this scene, Buck seems to be mostly using Eddie's name to circumvent the necessity of mentioning Tommy's name and to deflect any probing question about his identity. Once he accidently lets it slip that he was on a date with a guy, he pretty much drops the whole Eddie act entirely.

[peppermintquartz]

Tommy is cleaning his hands when his phone goes off with a flurry of texts. Wiping his fingers meticulously to be rid of the engine grease, he takes a quick peek at the screen and freezes.

It's Evan.

Tommy isn't sure he's ready to talk to Evan, or text him. In the past, when he broke up with his partner amicably, they'd be talking again within four to five days, just leaning more heavily on the friendship aspect of their past.

But with Evan Buckley, Tommy doubts he can ever be just friends with him. Maybe it's a recency bias. Maybe he's not recovered enough from the self inflicted wound. But Evan haunts his dreams and waking hours: the latter with the shocked, blank expression Tommy left behind him that night; the former by their happier, most intimate moments.

Still, that doesn't mean Tommy is going to leave Evan out to dry if Evan is reaching out. Also, what if Evan needs his help?

Tommy opens their chat. He hasn't amended Evan's contact from Evan 💕 to a more neutral E. Buckley. He probably never will.

Evan 💕: Eddie is leaving

Evan 💕: going to TX

Evan 💕: i know he has to go to get Chris but hes not just going away hes buying a house there

Evan 💕: it hurts

Evan 💕: everyone leaves

Evan 💕: im doomed aren't i? id leave me too if i could. just go away from all this

Evan 💕: anyway. thanks i guess.

Evan 💕: for 6 months when i got to forget loneliness

Tommy reads through it again and the final message guts him. He clenches his hand around the phone.

If he goes to see Evan, he will be hurting himself; Evan is vulnerable right now and will likely take him back, no questions asked, just to feel like he has someone with him. Tommy will still have his heart shattered to smithereens when Evan comes to his senses. It will be a selfish, short-term panacea for Tommy to go to Evan, for the both of them. Evan will feel even worse after, because by then he'll feel guilty about breaking up with Tommy because he will see that Tommy's right.

But how can Tommy leave the man he loves suffering like this? Aching for a connection that stays, for someone to be his.

Tommy bites the inside of his cheek and shuts his eyes. Then he grabs his keys and throws on his jacket.

Fine. For Evan, he will do it. Even if in days, weeks, months, years, Evan suddenly sees that it isn't Tommy he wants, that Tommy just happens to be convenient, and he decides to walk away from Tommy... Tommy will take it. He'll never be able to walk away from Evan another time and survive it, he knows. He could move to the other end of the world and yearn in isolation then. He'll be the one who loves more, who wants more, and he'll never get it.

It's fine.

He's already given his heart. What's the rest of his life matter anyway?

When he gets to the loft, he's welcomed by Evan's shocked expression that erupts into joy and relief. Evan throws himself into Tommy's arms, clinging and kissing, dragging him inside the space and up into his bed, and through it all, Tommy feels the sharp, jagged edges of his future.

And he bleeds.

----

Continued: Buck's POV

[alchemistc]

There's been something about the woobification of Buck that's been sitting on the tip of my tongue for weeks now, and I think I've finally figured it out.

This is, of course, mostly in reference to the moral outrage about a decade-ish (give or take) age gap between two adult men and the infantalization of one said grown man, so all the puritanism isn't really coming from a place of good faith anyway, but here's the thing that's been bugging me that I couldn't quite put a finger on until now.

Buck has people he goes to for certain things. He has, what are in his mind, experts in the field for most of the things he can't think through on his own, that he goes to for a sounding board.

He went to Hen to talk through the sperm donor dilemma for a few reasons that made sense to him. 1) She's a mom. She has very much had to deal with the reality of 'giving up' children she considered her own. Buck is aware that he would be giving up something that could mean something to him, and he wants to talk to someone who has some insight into that. 2) She's dealt with IVF. She knows the risks, she knows the trials and tribulations, she knows about this thing that he is thinking about agreeing to be a part of so she's going to have a fuller grasp on the enormity of everything this process entails.

And they drink about it. Hen gives him what she can and cautions him where she thinks she should and they continue to talk about it and regardless of what SHE thinks, he makes his mind up in part because he got to talk to his Expert.

Bobby is often his go to when he feels like he's losing his grip on things. He's seen Bobby staring down the bottom of the bottle. He's seen the work he's done to pull himself back into the world, and he's seen the way he fights for his family, his people. Buck leans on him in times of questioning himself because he knows Bobby has pulled himself off the ledge with bleeding hands and a bleeding heart.

He reaches out to Maddie about interpersonal shit constantly. We see it all the way back in S2 when he's starting to question what the hell he's still doing in Abby's apartment, and that never really changes. She's the one with advice for him when he's angry with his parents, upset with the firefam, worried about his friends, or just generally concerned with the way he's perceived by people or how he perceives the world. He goes to her when he's embarrassed, ashamed, because he knows she won't judge him for it. She'll call him out, for sure, but she's not going to look at him differently when she knows he's done something he considers bad behavior.

When he goes to her during the Tommy arc, he's there for one reason he'll admit, and another she has to ferret out. 1) He lied to his best friend and he doesn't know why. 2) Oh yeah he went on a date with a dude that's not strange WHY IS THAT STRANGE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AN ALLY PLEASE DON'T PULL BACK THE CURTAIN - and Maddie is there with two things: 1) It's not weird but it IS new and something you clearly haven't worked through all the way which is why 2) you'll tell Eddie when you're ready

And Eddie is sort of his go-to to bounce ideas off of. Eddie is his Buck expert. Eddie is the guy who can sort through all the bullshit and who sees Buck for exactly who he is, every time, regardless of what Buck himself is thinking. Eddie is his best friend, and he knows the good the bad and the ugly better than anyone else. He is also, quite frankly, the one Buck seeks out to help him contextualize all of his romantic feelings for people. Eddie's the guy he talks to when he's interested in someone, when he's falling for someone, he's the guy through which Buck filters his love interests into the firefam. I do the same shit with my best friend. It's instinct to want the person you consider the expert on you to meet the person you are interested in, it's instinct to want them to like each other, to get along. Buck knows Eddie loves him (in whatever way you see that love, Buck knows Eddie loves him) and he wants this person who loves him to be at least an active listener as he talks himself through the minefield of relationships. I do also think that up until the events of season seven, Buck considers Eddie sort of an expert on that traditional love-marriage-kids-white-picket-fence relationship Buck thinks he's striving for - in a very naive way, because obviously the wasn't what Eddie and Shannon had and Buck knows that, but he's probably fed some of Eddie's rose colored reminiscences back into that notion.

When he comes out to Eddie he's got two worries. 1) I lied to you and I figured out why but I'm still a little worried you think it's weird and 2) I screwed it up with someone I really like and I don't know where to go from here.

And Eddie (Buck expert) reassures him that just because it's new and unexpected doesn't make it strange, that it doesn't change anything in their friendship. And then he gets right to the heart of it - if you like him you should reach out and tell him that. He doesn't know you like we do but if you give him the chance to, he'll love you as much as we do. If he doesn't give it the same shot you want to he's the idiot.

With all that context in mind, Buck isn't seeking out Tommy's attention because he wants an authority figure, or someone to take care of him, someone to guide him through sex or love or relationship dynamics or any of the other random shit I've seen ppl infantalizing Buck about.

What he's looking for, and what he ultimately tells Tommy he'd like to pursue, is a partnership. Someone to walk (or more likely for Buck, speedrun) through experiences together. The Athena to his Bobby, the Chim to his Maddie, the Karen to his Hen.

So every time I see someone infantalizing Buck for seeking out a relationship with an older man for X or Y reason, I'm just like - no. He has Bobby, Hen, Maddie, Eddie, Chim etc for that. He doesn't want or need Tommy for that. He is a grown ass man who has built these strong relationships with his peers and his mentors and he is so fucking aware of that because he reaches for their help any time he feels the urge for a helping hand.

So yeah, Tommy's older. Yes, Tommy has more experience with his sexuality than Buck. And that - that's really it. Buck's been in the same career for more than half a decade. He's lived on his own since he was no older than 19/20. He's had serious relationships, he has a rich and fulfilling life. There is no power imbalance in the relationship between Buck and Tommy.

And while the age gap may be a bit of a draw for Buck, it's not WHY he's attracted to Tommy. We know because he's told Maddie. He's cool. He's interesting. He's confident. He has a cleft.

Buck isn't going into this waiting for someone older and more experienced to take the fucking reins. He felt like he clicked with Tommy, like there was an immediate connection, and yes, Tommy had to kiss him about it for Buck to actually figure out what it was he was experiencing, but from that point on it was all on Buck (and the people he leans on for advice) to help him sort through.

Tommy didn't do shit other than pump the brakes and try to give Buck the space he thought he needed to decide what he was ready for. Buck (again, with the help of his experts - Maddie for the emotional piece of it, Eddie for the Buck of it all) did the work on his own. Tommy didn't swoop in and overbearingly hold his hand through a sexual awakening. He kissed him, asked him out, realized he wasn't ready, stepped back and then checked in multiple times when Buck came back at it going 120 miles an hour.

And then he did everything he could to prove to Buck he wanted the same thing - a partner, someone to talk to, and lean on, and flirt with and rely on to show up whenever they could feasibly manage it (and sometimes when it's a little unfeasible too).

The narrative even acknowledges that Buck had no reason to go to Bobby in this scenario, when he often would, and lays out exactly why.

Within the canon of this particular arc, we're meant to see this as Buck realizing he has the experience necessary to think these things through on his own. This is Buck finally taking control of something that's always felt like it fell into his lap a bit. This is Buck doing more than treading water until his legs give out.

And minimizing that growth bc you personally don't like the LI he's pursuing is gross at best. At worst it's something much more insidious.

[simplylupin]

Vertigo and Eddie Diaz

because the connection has been made between eddie's current arc and hitchcock's vertigo, i thought i'd give my two cents on the topic as a mediocre film student whose had to study vertigo for two years of her life

so here's a basic (very over-simplified) summary of vertigo for those who are unfamiliar

The protagonist, Scottie, is a policeman who took a break/was discharged/retired because he couldn't save a fellow police officer from falling off a building to his death

Because of this he suffers from vertigo and/or fear of heights

He's hired by his old friend Gavin to follow Gavin's wife, Madeline, for fear that she's been possessed by someone called Carlotta Valdez

He does so, and slowly falls in love with Madeline - and her him

We also learn that Scottie's best friend Midge is in love with him, but he's too obsessed with Madeline to notice Midge

Him and Madeline go to a church bell tower where Madeline seemingly offs herself by jumping off

Some time later, Scottie goes to Madeline's old hotel room, and finds a woman called Judy who looks exactly like Madeline

She agrees to go on a date with him

We, the audience, find out that Judy actually is Madeline (and vise versa). She was hired by Gavin to pretend to be Madeline.

Scottie grows more and more obsessed, forcing Judy to change her appearance to look like Madeline

He makes the connection that Madeline and Judy are the same person, and drives her to the bell tower

He forces her up the tower, over coming his fear of heights

Once at the top, they have a confrontation

A nun appears, scaring Judy and she once more falls to her death (really this time)

So, from what I've gathered, the loose connection between characters is:

Scottie = Eddie

Madeline = Shannon

Midge = Buck

Judy = Kim

The Nun = Marisol

Scottie's unable to save his fellow police officer. Eddie was unable to 'save' the people he pulled out the helicopter: "I pulled them out. But I didn't save them." Because of this he suffers from immense guilt and PTSD (as seen in his season 5 arc). He's unable to move on and this hinders him to a certain extent - just like Scottie.

After Shannon's death, he's thrown through the loop again, with the added bonus of him not having been able to save her too. Scottie's job was to save Madeline, and he failed at that, resulting in her 'death'.

Eddie is constantly trying to find a woman to fill that role of Shannon in his and Christopher's life; we see this with both Ana and now Marisol. He's looking for her in them. Scottie does the same - he visits the places he went with Madeline, he goes to her old room.

Eddie finds Kim, Scottie finds Judy.

For a little while, Judy helps Scottie get over and get closure on Madeline. She fills that empty space and allows him to move on. This is what I think Kim is going to do for Eddie.

She looks so much like Shannon but she simply isn't her. We know in later episodes that Buck is going to meet her and proclaim that she's "nothing like Shannon." There's a clear distinction there - Eddie is only seeing Shannon in her because he wants to, because he's still holding onto that idea. I think Kim is going to be the closing point of this ongoing search for Shannon's 'replacement'; someone who looks exactly like Shannon should be perfect, right? But when she too doesn't 'fill' that role that surely must spark some sort of realisation in Eddie, because if not her then who.

For Scottie, he feels betrayed by Judy. He brings her to the last place he saw Madeline, and ultimately, indirectly, causes her death. Obviously I don't believe Kim is actually going to die, but more the idea of her. She's the final chapter of him pursuing Shannon's ghost.

Midge is Scottie's best friend. They met in college and were engaged for a few weeks before breaking up. They spend a lot of time together, staying at each other's houses and going out. She helps Scottie through his vertigo and acrophobia, and tries to 'bring him back' in his grief. At one point, Midge paints her face onto a painting of Carlotta Valdez, showing that she's there and ready for Scottie's love, if he's willing to give it to her.

I believe, in this scenario, Buck takes on her role (for seemingly obvious reasons). Him and Eddie are best friends, they do so much together, he helps Eddie when he's struggling etc etc. Midge is the idea of the 'other woman', someone who is right in front of Scottie's eyes, someone whose always been there for him. However, Scottie is too obsessed and fixated on Madeline that he can't see this and continually brushes it away. You see where I'm going here...

Although Buck potentially doesn't even realize it himself, he has taken on Shannon's role in the Diaz family for years. Eddie already has the 'replacement' for Shannon that he's so desperately been searching for right in front of his eyes.

In Vertigo, Judy and Madeline are the same person, whereas Shannon and Kim are obviously not. However, the comparison still stands.

Scottie meets Judy and immedietely latches onto her because she looks so much like Madeline (duh) and he is so desperate for anything that'll keep Madeline's memory with him. He makes her undergo a series of phsyical changes (dyeing her hair, changing her wardrobe, her style etc etc) so that she appears more like Madeline - so he can get that closure and pretend.

Eddie clearly isn't going to do this to Kim. However, whatever way you spin it, he is projecting Shannon onto her. He saw her, and thought of Shannon, he pursued her because of that, he's doing all this because of Shannon. He is chasing that closure and that moment were he can be like 'Ah. I've finally found someone who can be Shannon for me and Chris.'

I doubt Kim is going to be around particularly long. As much as it sounds diminishing, she really is just a tool for Eddie to have this realization that nobody can replace Shannon, and that that's okay. He doesn't need to find Shannon 2.0.

Now, in Vertigo, when Scottie and Judy are arguing on the bell tower, a nun appears from the shadows and startles them - causing Judy to fall to her death. It's a very abrupt and out of nowhere.

The character of the nun, I think could represent either one of two things. Marisol, as we know, used to be a nun (i'm still not over this btw). That's a pretty straight-forward, clear cut comparison. The nun causes Judy to die, Marisol causes 'Shannon', and the idea of Shannon, to 'die'. This interpretation leans more heavily on Marisol and Eddie staying together, however, so I'm not sure.

The nun could also just represent religion as a whole, and Eddie's Catholic guilt particularly. Eddie tells Bobby that he only really married Shannon because he felt like he had to, he felt pressured into it because of his religious guilt. Despite this, "There was still a part of me that loved being married to her."

There's no doubt in my mind that Eddie loved Shannon. He did, they loved each other, and he still does love her - he always will. I do think that the choice of focussing on his marriage to her and how he "loved being married to her" is interesting though, he doesn't try to clarify that he was in love with her. This could just be because it's a given orrr

Whatever, not really the point.

The point is, the fact he's now "awakened" his Catholic guilt by finding out Marisol was a nun, must mean something for his upcoming arc. In Vertigo, the nun kills Judy. Here, his religious guilt 'kills' the idea of Shannon??

I'll definitely have more ideas about this later but this was my word vomit for now! Let me know what you think please.

(Also something I find funny is that the actress of Madeline/Judy is called Kim!)

[stevethehairington]

hc that buck loves pineapple on pizza, but eddie hates it. thinks it is. an abomination. an atrocity. an utter crime against pizza.

HOWEVER. every single pizza night at the diaz house they always order hawaiian pizza and eddie always eats it.

because, it's buck's favorite and if eddie ever even hinted at the fact that he doesn't like it then buck would simply never order it again and eddie doesn't want that. he wants buck to have his favorite, always. so he Silently Suffers through it every time.

but christopher ALSO strongly dislikes pineapple on pizza, and buck does know this about him. he finds out the first time they order hawaiian pizza, because chris takes one look at it and makes the most disgusted face ever, to which eddie shoots him The Eyes and chris goes oh um. yum. but it's too late bc buck Saw the look on his face, and he's like oh sorry chris i didn't know. and chris is like it's okay buck ill just pick the pineapple off. and buck is like we can get something else next time. and gets those sad droopy eyes. and eddie, because he is. down so horrendously bad for this man, holds out his plate and goes I'LL TAKE YOUR PINEAPPLE CHRIS. because he doesn't want buck to think he's alone in liking pineapple pizza. because he doesn't want buck to stop ordering his favorite pizza. and so, chris piles his pineapple onto eddies plate (and jesus how much pineapple can one slice of pizza hold?) and now, not only does eddie have to Silently Suffer through normal pineapple pizza, but he now has to Silently Suffer through EXTRA pineapple pizza. and the smile on bucks face after that is. so big and so dazzling that eddie just. he can absolutely never ever come clean about this ever. and so he comes to term with the fact that he will have to pretend to love pineapple pizza for the rest of his life.

but it's worth it, for buck. anything is worth it for buck. <3