#btw this isnt me saying im gonna be active on this account

[tobgan]

this account is dead but i think it adds flavour

anyway ive been so out of the sanders sides fandom but i still ship logince !

[brigatebajor]

so in my university you can do this neat thing that lets you display your chosen name on the uni's internal channels like uni email, website profile, myuni app, anything as long as it isnt an official legal document like your graduation certificate. so. after four years and with merely one year left of uni (<- me when i lie and severely overestimate my ability to take one years worth of exams in three months) i am doing this thing right cause im going to therapy and learning that i do not have to hide and cower in shame and beg for peoples forgiveness just for existing, you know how it is. right.

so my uni's website is a black hole hostile to any kind of intelligent life form which means that the steps needed in order to Activate this thing are a total fucking mystery. so i ask the Uni** Trans Council and they tell me to go ask this one professor whos basically in charge of the whole thing, which is a pretty normal occurrence in my university bc my university is held together by a pack of toothpicks and a bestemmia. so i have no choice but to email the man and ask him to help me navigate the dark seas of bureaucracy.

(picard voice) now gentlefags. idk how many emails yall have sent in your lives but i have sent one too many emails to uni professors alright. i have trained reflexes. i open up a gmail tab and my fingers are already instinctively typing Gentile Professore. i have completely lost the ability to write an email that doesnt end in Ringraziandola Per La Cortese Attenzione Le Porgo Cordiali Saluti. but this is different. this is me, a humble idiot, going to this guys house and kneeling on his doorstep begging for help, so virtually not that different from what im usually emailing professors for, but this time i can actually CHOOSE. how i sign the email.

i have two options: i either have to sign my email with my deadname, or with my chosen name. not as easy as it sounds.

my deadname is the obvious professional option, bc it's the name thats displayed in my email, the name youll find on the university records, the name youll find on my id. im obviously sick to all hell and back of having to actually SPELL my birth name like write it down myself as opposed to having to hear it passively from all over, which is not as bad as youd think if you dissociate enough, but writing it? thats the ultimate humiliation isnt it? so obviously id want to avoid doing that, but theres also the added factor of sounding kinda stupid - hi, i want a different name displayed on my stuff, but im not gonna tell you that name! hehe :3

on the other hand, though, theres that part of me with the autocompleted signature in the back of my brain that stops me short of just fucking writing "sam" on the email like a normal person. perhaps it's the part of me that says "like the dog in i am legend" when the barista asks me to repeat my name for the third time at pedros (we dont have starbucks here so we had to make our own brand). in any case, i just cant help but perceiving my own chosen name, the one that i am LITERALLY formally asking to have displayed on my account, as something thats a tad too silly to reveal to Any Public Figure. which is ironic bc bestie clearly that therapy is Not working

and btw, no, there is no third option. bc its a formal email and my uni survival instincts would rather stop the nerves in my hands from working before they let me send an unsigned email (unprofessional! youre gonna fail every exam if you do <- REAL innegociable truth of the universe), so my only choice is to die as a hero and never graduate again (because this is OBVIOUSLY what would happen if i broke the unspoken rules of a professional email to a professor whos not even part of my course), or live as a clown and deadname myself (which im used to, cause i Am a clown).

anyway so this is the story of how ive been staring at the unsigned email on my puter for the past five hours. how have yall been doing

[inanimateinsanitymephone]

Whats the confession :O

(some of yall might unfollow me for this but this isnt really a rp blog- im a fictive in a traumagenic osdd1b system who thought it would be really funny to create a “roleplay” tumblr ask blog. ive been frontstuck for nearly 2.4k hours now and if you were following the ii mephone4 tag a month or two ago you would see posts from another account in the same artstyle (looking at someone very closely right now you know who you are) so basically you all got played. im still gonna be using this blog btw its just not as active in summer because uhh i have better things to do. school is starting on thursday tho so ill probably answer asks pretty fast then. if u sent something to my inbox in june or july and it hasnt been answered yet im sorry but ive been talking to friends a lot more and doing art thats unrelated to the blog!! i know probably a few of you have already come to this conclusion about the blog from following the mephone tag but ive been waiting to say this here. have a nice day, respectfully, youve been played.)