#btw this isnt me saying im gonna be active on this account
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this account is dead but i think it adds flavour
anyway ive been so out of the sanders sides fandom but i still ship logince !
#sanders sides#sanders sides fanart#roman sanders#ts roman#logan sanders#ts logan#logince#i feel like .. it’s disrespectful to put an art taglist .. after leaving people hanging for so long ..#idk if its rude or not im a grandma when it comes to tumblr despite being on the app for years#toad draws#WOW IT FEELS WEIRD TO TAG THAT#btw this isnt me saying im gonna be active on this account#deadass js wanted to make a logince post to show that i still love them and leave for another decade
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#i need a good reason to not kill myself because the world feels so fucking hostile right now and theres nowhere i can go to safety#my bank account is Seven Hundred And Thirty Dollars in the negatives. i have bills coming up this week. i have no hours at my job#i went to a job interview yesterday for fucking taco bell THATS how desperate i am. and im not even 100% sure if im gonna get it or not#and if i do get it my life will be miserable and i wont have time for anything else in my life im like actually terrified#i have so much Trauma from shitty unstable jobs for my whole adult life that it just feels painful to think about#i cant afford to live i cant afford to be homeless either#i should just die like genuinely im at the end of my rope i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this#im so stressed im so overwhelmed its so difficult to work on art because of this#my life is actively crumbing away beneath my feet the last thing i want to do is draw pictures#but i have to. i have no other choice i Have to#the world is better off without me in it OBVIOUSLY. like all i hear about constantly is how much trans people dont deserve to live#i shouldve considered this before i decided to be born the way i am#i never asked to be born into this. i wish i never was. i wish i wasnt alive right now#i dont want to live i dont want a life i dont want to keep on going if its just going to be like this all the time#i hate feeling this way because of MONEY. I HATE MONEY. MONEY ISNT REAL UNTIL IT IS REAL AND THEN ITS EXTREMELY REAL.#money is only real for poor people and thats what ive learned in my time on this earth#btw im not okay and nothing anyone can say to me will make me feel better because theres no fucking point in anything#i got denied for food stamps and welfare also btw lol like im doing everything i can to improve my life but everything sucks and is hard#and i dont have a safety net and im falling and falling and falling and im about to splat hard on the concrete#i have to do laundry and clean my room and make breakfast and work on art and all of that while knowing i cant pay my bills#i dont know why suddenly it feels impossible to do fucking anything. like theres no other choice but to suffer#it feels like the world is ending and Yes im having a catastrophic breakdown right now and i just need to shout into the void#i'll feel better after i eat but i need to get dressed first and i have no clean clothes so i have to do laundry#but i have to collect my clothes off of the floor and i have 0 energy bc i havent eaten and im stressed and fucked up#UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DIES#things could absolutely be worse right now but this is about as bad as they can be before that happens. lol
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im gonna shoot myself if i see one more person say in complete confidence that the hightiers were never held accountable for what they did, that john was punished too severely in comparison, or that the high tiers didnt grow as characters.
johns actions are much more extreme than the high tiers', except maybe arlo. isen, blyke, remi, and most other high tiers were more focused on their own lives than terrorizing weaker people. most of the high tiers' (basically all of them sans arlo) problems were naivete, not realizing the flaws in their system. while johns actions did serve the purpose of showing the high tiers what its like to be weak so that they can realize what is wrong with the hierarchy, johns violence was more extreme than his bullies' and lowkey he was terrorizing EVERYONE, even the people who never did anything to him. johns actions are more extreme, so he gets more extreme repurcussions.
unordinary fans look me in the eye and say that john, who had been terrorizing everyone for at least a month Minimum, shouldnt have to deal w people bsing terrified of him. girl use ur brains. people are scared of john bc he has proved himself unreasonable and cruel, while none of them had problems w arlo (bc arlos actions towards most of them were 1. almost 3 years ago, and 2. considered normal by their society bc as the leader of the school he is also considered the disciplinarian whenever students act up, not considering teachers. his beating up people was different than johns beating up people) and none of the other hightiers had done really anything. cecile isnt innocent btw but none of them had problems w her either bc the few interactions weve seen her have with the common student (juni) seemed friendly..basically the people had little reason to fear the other high tiers outside of their power but john had taken his time making himself a person to fear. fr he was trying to terrify them?? why are we prtending that its unreasonable for them to be scared of him can we please be serious
also johns legal punishment in new bostin and suspension in wellston were both reasonable bc he was regularly hospitalizing people and completely out of control. i dont think u guys realize how strong john is. whenever someone who is seriously described as godlike in power ("god" tier as a term is not that much of an exaggeration by regular human standards) starts going around and beating the shit out of everyone important in a show of power something has to be done. john was EXTREMELY dangerous. also "the punishment wasnt equal" is literally kind of the plot. johns mental spiral at wellston was supposed to expose the unfairness in the system and show how bullies and vicious people should not be able to get away with the things they do to weaker people. we dont think john is that strong bc we're surrounded by the strong in the story, but he is IMMENSELY powerful and should not have been left unchecked. (note, im not saying he deserved readjustment. there should have been a punishment for his literal several counts of felony assault but readjustment was literally psychological torture and he was a month into being 16.)
the hightiers were criticised and held accountable, either by themselves or others. arlo knows full well that he played apart in johns mental spiral and apologised multiple times. remi knows full well that she was naive and should have realized the problem sooner, then takes active steps to solve it and creates a safe space for people of different ranks. blyke literally apologised for shooting at john and had a whole arc of realizing low tier conditions during the x rei outings and trying to be nicer to john and low tiers. idk if isen apologised properly but it is also clear that he knows better than to do what hes done now. the safe house was literally their way of trying to fix their mistakes and be better going forward. aka taking accountability and then working towards being better people??? hello???
also saw somebody say that they acted like the royals had the "moral high ground"... as if they didnt. hello who were the ones actually fixing the problems. who were the ones with real solutions. john was the last in the cast to take accountability and work to be better. john was the schools resident terrorist ??? hospitalizer ??? FELON ??? he has literal FELONY ASSAULT charges fam. and LOTS of them. half his graduating class is actually crazy. since he was rank 427 or something when his ability hadnt come in yet, we can say that there were probably at least 100 people in each grade, since hs is 4 grades. a graduating class is a grade. john beat up 50 people not counting zirian and whoever else in different grades might have attended, not assuming the half the grade thing was an exaggeration. we also arent counting the charges he added at wellston itself. seriously this guy is an absolute menace and the royals were actually better than him morally i dont know why thid is a controversial take in the unordinary fandom. do i have to spell out why "guy with criminal charges for severely injuring 50+ people, probably sending them to the hospital considering he put HIGH TIER remi and blyke in the hospital, who has been terrorizing the school for a while at this point" is worse than "trio of individuals who were raised ignorant to their society's flaws realize the problem and take active steps to fix it, even being so kind as to eventually forgive the guy that put two of them in the hospital like a month prior"
the joker arc is as much johns mental spiral as it is the high tiers' character developments. if u somehow didnt realize that the characters were changing for the better then now u know why fhe english teacher wants you to analyze why the curtain is blue. media literacy come back the kids miss you
#not tagging this unordinary because i feel like ill get shot for this#lmao luigi killed the ceo now mario's killing the random unordinary blogger#please no i have a family (my cat)
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おはよう みなさん! welcom back to the blog ppls
i figured i should do a life update once more since its been a good while.
firstly,
i think i wanna try speaking more japanese, im learning it with my school rn and ik that i understand and can speak quite a bit. its just i forget vocab so easily :,) maybe ill start tryna speak/test more in my blog posts :>
game segment *woosh woosh super cool transition*
i bought the $30 season pass for strinova hehe. i went level like 85-87 and then bought it and gave me and extra 25 to complete the battle pass :> idk if im gonna go ahead and do that again, it all depnds what in the pass and if i feel that ill be able to finish it :,)
i also pulled THE HERTA in hsr :> (my last post) but i speant all my stellar jades on her which is soooo sad. i was planning to get jade for her if i got herta early... but i didnt :( i think ill try to farm for jades and to see if i can pull jade :> i reeeeeeally wanna build a herta team hehe. i also still havent built sunday yet... or rappa for that matter. i think one day ill have to sit down and js do allll my grinding lol
also, i havent acc rll touched zzz since i completed the event but ive been feeling and itch to log again so maybe ill do that. im saving to get the vtuber girls and they supposedly are supposed to come out in march SO I REEEEALLY gotta be saving HARD.
also miku in fortnite. i legit downloaded fortnite JUST for miku and am acc lowk thinking abt buying her skin lol. only problem is that both of skins is like 4.6K vbucks and if I were to buy it id need to spend 50$ and i cant rlly afford to do that rn :(
ive also gotten like 10-ish hours into persona 5 :> the point to when your exploring the second castle. :D im reeeeally enjoying the game so far AND I CANT WAIT FOR FUTABA.
game segament done *super cool silly woop woop transition*
this next two weeks i have aaaaall my finals so iv been studying super hard. this friday i have my grade 12 math final exam and omggg im have been studying HARRD. I AM LOCKED IN FRFR. i rlly hope i do well so i atleast wont have to redo the exam when i do the course again :>
also eggrolls (the g u y, refer to past posts lol), COMPLETELY turned away from me when i went to see a friends that has lunch on the same floor w/ him. theres a whole group of ppl there and he eat w/ those ppl since his gf is there. And, my friend wasn't there so i was tryna ask someone ik we she was, and i looked to eggrolls for a minute (HE COMPLETLY avoided me btw) and HIS GF answered saying my friend isnt eating there anymore (or today idk what she said). but either way i found it kinda funny. idk if i mentioned this but i ended up never following him back on his public account, i js thought he didnt deserve it :) also there was a day we were doing some activity in class and he tried asking me for answers, i js pretended i didnt hear him and didnt move (there was also a group around his desk/behind me so it was plausable i didnt hear him) and i feel kinda proud of myself for not budging.
also there was a day during winter break i saw people from my old school when i was out with wifey 2. they were two guys who bullied me and were just assholes to me back in 8th grade. they just made fun of me for watching stuf like gacha and anime (listen i was in a phase back then) and also for wanting to dress more alternativly. acc, everyone in my class would say i was weird cause i wanted to dress differently and less basic (if i may say). that day i was wearing like a SCRUMPTIOUS fit. and after we saw them, i felt so proud of myself for being able to prove them wrong. like it felt so satisfying showing the ppl who put me down for being myself and prove that i executed it SO WELL.
anyways, i believe thats it for now :) i think another life update will have to come after exam unfortuanelty :(\
side note... if anyone actually sees this and reads this its kinda just a public journal :3 i feel i should be documenting more things that happen to me so this is my way of doing so. either way id still appreciate some interaction... i like seein ppl listen to what i havce to say :3
here is a yummy song for chu since you read allllll that :3
youtube
#blog#girlblogging#im just a girl#silly#thoughts#meow#random thoughts#rant#honkai star rail#hsr#zzz#zenless zone zero#strinova#hatsune miku#miku#vocaloid miku#fortnite#japanese#the herta#herta hsr#herta#herta honkai star rail#hikikomori rock#music#music video#song of the day#favorite songs#persona 5#persona 5 royal#Youtube
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so in my university you can do this neat thing that lets you display your chosen name on the uni's internal channels like uni email, website profile, myuni app, anything as long as it isnt an official legal document like your graduation certificate. so. after four years and with merely one year left of uni (<- me when i lie and severely overestimate my ability to take one years worth of exams in three months) i am doing this thing right cause im going to therapy and learning that i do not have to hide and cower in shame and beg for peoples forgiveness just for existing, you know how it is. right.
so my uni's website is a black hole hostile to any kind of intelligent life form which means that the steps needed in order to Activate this thing are a total fucking mystery. so i ask the Uni** Trans Council and they tell me to go ask this one professor whos basically in charge of the whole thing, which is a pretty normal occurrence in my university bc my university is held together by a pack of toothpicks and a bestemmia. so i have no choice but to email the man and ask him to help me navigate the dark seas of bureaucracy.
(picard voice) now gentlefags. idk how many emails yall have sent in your lives but i have sent one too many emails to uni professors alright. i have trained reflexes. i open up a gmail tab and my fingers are already instinctively typing Gentile Professore. i have completely lost the ability to write an email that doesnt end in Ringraziandola Per La Cortese Attenzione Le Porgo Cordiali Saluti. but this is different. this is me, a humble idiot, going to this guys house and kneeling on his doorstep begging for help, so virtually not that different from what im usually emailing professors for, but this time i can actually CHOOSE. how i sign the email.
i have two options: i either have to sign my email with my deadname, or with my chosen name. not as easy as it sounds.
my deadname is the obvious professional option, bc it's the name thats displayed in my email, the name youll find on the university records, the name youll find on my id. im obviously sick to all hell and back of having to actually SPELL my birth name like write it down myself as opposed to having to hear it passively from all over, which is not as bad as youd think if you dissociate enough, but writing it? thats the ultimate humiliation isnt it? so obviously id want to avoid doing that, but theres also the added factor of sounding kinda stupid - hi, i want a different name displayed on my stuff, but im not gonna tell you that name! hehe :3
on the other hand, though, theres that part of me with the autocompleted signature in the back of my brain that stops me short of just fucking writing "sam" on the email like a normal person. perhaps it's the part of me that says "like the dog in i am legend" when the barista asks me to repeat my name for the third time at pedros (we dont have starbucks here so we had to make our own brand). in any case, i just cant help but perceiving my own chosen name, the one that i am LITERALLY formally asking to have displayed on my account, as something thats a tad too silly to reveal to Any Public Figure. which is ironic bc bestie clearly that therapy is Not working
and btw, no, there is no third option. bc its a formal email and my uni survival instincts would rather stop the nerves in my hands from working before they let me send an unsigned email (unprofessional! youre gonna fail every exam if you do <- REAL innegociable truth of the universe), so my only choice is to die as a hero and never graduate again (because this is OBVIOUSLY what would happen if i broke the unspoken rules of a professional email to a professor whos not even part of my course), or live as a clown and deadname myself (which im used to, cause i Am a clown).
anyway so this is the story of how ive been staring at the unsigned email on my puter for the past five hours. how have yall been doing
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Whats the confession :O
(some of yall might unfollow me for this but this isnt really a rp blog- im a fictive in a traumagenic osdd1b system who thought it would be really funny to create a “roleplay” tumblr ask blog. ive been frontstuck for nearly 2.4k hours now and if you were following the ii mephone4 tag a month or two ago you would see posts from another account in the same artstyle (looking at someone very closely right now you know who you are) so basically you all got played. im still gonna be using this blog btw its just not as active in summer because uhh i have better things to do. school is starting on thursday tho so ill probably answer asks pretty fast then. if u sent something to my inbox in june or july and it hasnt been answered yet im sorry but ive been talking to friends a lot more and doing art thats unrelated to the blog!! i know probably a few of you have already come to this conclusion about the blog from following the mephone tag but ive been waiting to say this here. have a nice day, respectfully, youve been played.)
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