#btw this is not me fishing for compliments
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One more little 'Micah having a self pity day': after having drawn the ice lashes I stand corrected - this was a mistake. Oh well you cannot win everytime
#the art is just not arting#i dislike it#and everybody else seems to have drawn him and his beautiful lashes perfectly#if it is not obvious i am not having the best day today#and i cant even blame the pms hormones anymore#bc the pms aint there#i think it is a good thing my next idea for a sketch is unrelated to the kääryleet and baby boos#then at least i dont have the ability to compare how much better everybody else are at art#micahs thoughts#btw this is not me fishing for compliments#its me being a petty little mf#hopefully writing out the thoughts will make them go away so i can feel less bad#dont feel the need to compliment the art#probably wont make me feel better about it#yeah
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Gonna be honest, I don't even like it. This actually might be my worst piece yet
I'm actually sorry bout that💔💔
But zoom in on Horrors ass so gehehe
#horrordust#horror sans#dust sans#sans aus#sancest#traditional art#im just being honest btw#not tryna fish for compliments#dont feel as if you have to comfort me#im just in that one art phase where i genuinely can only see the flaws#(stating this bc i feel bad if I accidentally guilt someone into complimenting me)
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yall telling me that im a fave gives me SUCH an ego boost <3 😭😭
#dixies thoughts#🥰 ive gotten it a couple times n its always so nice#this isnt me trying to fish for compliments btw!!#just was feeling good n wanted to share
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hnghgnhghng the 2 wolves in me are mauling each other
#btw don't take this as a fish for compliments or a 'waaaah pity me'#just a funny thought of; it's either extreme imposter syndrome or the most over-the-top hubris#it's a lil funny to me
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when ppl on youtube say I am cool I ascend to my highest form btw. if u even care!!!
#HOW DO PPL THINK I'M COOL OMGGGG#maybe it's the social outcast child in me BUT THAT'S SO NICEEEEE#AND LIKE HOWW!!! like in a way I see me as very separate to me (so youtube me and the me in my self portraits etc)#(any me where I can see “myself” doesn't FEEL like me!!!)#SO ANYWAY it's like WHO are ppl talking abt but then I realize & i'm like ok I can kinda see it but also DO WE REALLY THINK I'M COOL#this is not a compliment fishing post btw I am just genuinely amazed by this prospect and it makes me giggle & kick my feet
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gritting my teeth... smut does not have to move the needle of the contemporary fandom zeitgeist sometimes u can just suck and fuck for sucking and fucking's sake
#thinkmin!#my internal monologue as i wrap up this drbble#it's corn. just straight up pwp corn there's no plot#me: i want to write something significant and profound that makes ppl think#also me: sucking n fucking in all the ways that people have sucked n fucked before#<- this is not against smut writers i am a smut writer what im trying to express ig is i wish i could write something that means something#i want to be remembered as someone other than like. a person who writes semi decent smut. if i am even remembered at all#sigh. it's a process and i am working on it#writing some words is better than writing no words at all#also like clarification i think there r ways to make smut profound and memorable#and there r certainly writers out there who have done it! and done it well!! and i look up to them!!#what i am saying is like. more expressing disappointment in myself bc i don't think my writing is anything special and i wish it was#that's /gen not fishing for compliments btw i know i have my strengths! i just sometimes wish i were stronger in other areas#(which is what i am working on)
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enjoying other people's fanart is a double edged sword. cause i love seeing it, i love the various art styles and ideas, little artistic liberties they take with the canon designs, new outfits, cartoonish styles and hyperrealistic pieces, all wonderful
but then i look at my fanart and it sucks kdfjdfg
#love fanart but it destroys me from the inside#dfkjgdfg#i wanna be cool like y'all!! djkfhdfg#not fishing for compliments btw#i know some people like and reblog my art and i love those people#but this post is about my brain and my stupid self perception (:#personal#angel talks
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honestly i find it harder to write dialogue than setting descriptions,, like i’ll rewrite a conversation ten times and still be like. this sounds so awk! let me talk about the light instead!!!
#i’ve been seeing memes lately about how much easier it is to write dialogue#and i’m just like i do not experience this#idk i feel like it takes me a lot of time and effort to make a conversation sound natural while getting to the Point#and even then i’m like erm. idk.#i’m not fishing for compliments btw i just think it’s interesting how we all differ as writers !
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i see it's feeling bad about what i look like o'clock
#idk it's the party from yesterday or just....me being me#but i just can't stand a mirror rn#i sure can take a few cute pictures but i feel like it's just because i know myself well#other than that i'm :|#(btw not fishing for compliments! i'm trying to get it out of my system to see if i feel better)
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I do mainly see writing as like a fun hobby i pursue when the impulse strikes me but i really do always want to improve! So because this is a blog im thinking about my writing goals for this current project:
Try to pull back and be more ambiguous when writing metaphors etc try not to state things so directly
Reduce the amount of like, buffer words, like she thinks or she feels. We’re in her pov we already know this is her thinking
Try to make my protagonist interesting without relying on her being funny (why didn’t I just write a funny protagonist?? what was I thinking!)
#while I can see the places my prose has improved since edge of seventeen im having a harder time seeing improvement since#so I’m trying to set goals for myself idk#like i do think that the load out was some of the best writing ive done in terms of craft. it was very unserious#not in a bad way! it was a ton of fun and I think it does what I set out to do really well! but it’s very much in my comfort zone#kids. music. humor. you know?#and I want to set goals that i can be conscious of while I’m writing and see if I can improve my prose that way#I think as of right now my writing-writing is sometimes awkward and often serviceable. and i want it to get… more subtle I guess#this is not fishing for compliments btw you do not have to reassure me that my writing is good or whatever#it’s just something I try to think about on my own#since I don’t have the time/seriousness to do a writing group or class or anything#anyway! stuff for me to work on!#while you were sleeping au
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I want to get into like actually posting my original writing works more...
#i do actually write#its not like. great cause im more of a comic person when it comes to more#big projects?#but i write fun short stories#also i have issues with spelling and Grammar because of a learning thing that undiagnosed but like i KnOW its there#BUT AT LEAST I HAVE ART.#but yeah seeing friends on here do stuff is making things look fun#im just not as technically skilled as them#THATS NOT ME FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS BTW.#Im just admiting it. its something im trying to work on
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Man like fuck dysphoria idk why I'm suddenly so affected by how I look
#plus add the insecurities about my face like always just viewed myself as unattractive#like they're all ganging up on me dkjdkdkd#just to be clear i am not fishing for compliments like even those are hard to believe#i feel like people are just pitying me which I'm not mad about btw like truly thank you to everyone#rants n rambles#I'm trying to be more confident and exaggerate and tell myself I'm hot af#but i dont belirve it man like i just look like shit kxjjdjd#vent#even when Ive been trying to broaden my fashion stuff idk i just feel :/
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and likw yeah sure MAYBE i have a self obsession genersted by deep childhood trauma adn being raised in an environment where i can never do anythign right so to compensate im compeltely absorbed inmyself and hype myself up cosntantly but crumble at the slightest genuine critique from anyoen. but it is infintiely mroe likely that im just like. right. i mean look at me. LOOK at me. am i making sense
#2 degrees a hot fiance working at a big tech company making really nice friends...#producing creative st uff that yeah sure could be emabrrassing but im so fucking free. like im soooo fucking free.#im charming im funny adn people around me do genueinly enjoy my company and talking to me. like.#IS IT NPD IF IM JUST RIGHT!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!!#this is mostly aj okey post btw liek this isnt fishing for compliments or wahtever idgaf. im having fun living like this
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just convinced myself everyone hated me bc the leon post got zero notes the first time i posted it but it was just because i forgot tumblr blocks posts with n/s/f/w tags on them lol
#i promise i'm a mostly functional adult but bro that made me sad#this is not me fishing for compliments btw i promise#i mean i haven't posted in like 2 years i can't expect too much#but i get so much validation from notes esp because i am v insecure about my writing#english not being my first language n stuff#ari talks
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me : *constantly talks to him* *asks for advice* *shows him exams from other classes* *tries to get his attention* *tries to get him to compliment me* *vaguely tells him about my issues so he asks about it*
also me : surely he doesn't know i see him as a father figure 😋👍
#btw despite trying all this he doesn reciprocate#i mean kinda#i mean it's complicated#like i told him a guy in my class who is very right wing makes me uncomfortable because of the things he says#and when that guy called somone gay as an insult and called someone the r slur my teacher got realllyyyyy mad#cuz he knows I'm a lesbian and I've hinted at thinking i might be nd#and my friend who sits next to me is actually ND soooo that didn't fly well with my teacher and I'm so happy he said something#and he immediately looked at me after!!!! i was having a really bad day that day and it made it so much better#but like whenever i say something mean about myself#like not in a compliment fishing way but rather as a I'm insecure so it just comes out of my mouth way#he doesn't disagree#and i know as a teacher you generally shouldn't be the one person to therapize your student#but like a little don't say that about yourself would be great#also I'm like the best in his class but I'm a perfectionist because of that and i keep being 1 point away from full points#and like he just makes fun of me for it#i know he means it nicely and that's just his humor and why i like him in the first place#but I've never gotten a good job from him#maybe he's just not a complimenting type?? i wish he would say one single nice thing about me though#he DOES recommend me a bunch of stuff and we talk a lot and that's probably how he shows he cares#so I'm trying to get used to that instead of expecting words of affirmations#teacher crush community#tcc#father figure teachers
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i genuinely have not been liking any of my gifs recently and idk what the heck is going on
#this is not fishing for compliments btw#i just can't like anything i've been doing lately#something just seems ~off to me#britt.txt
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