#btw this is my second attempt at posting this because the first try had my pictures configured wrong AGAIN

[knickynoo]

Back to the Future: The Animated Series, s01ep10 "Dickens of a Christmas" Review and Commentary

Previous episodes linked HERE

In this episode: A family-togetherness trip leads to prison, pickpocketing, and other fun shenanigans in 1845 London.

We open with Doc doing some work on the DeLorean.

He's frustrated with all the repairs and admits that he sometimes wishes the car had never been invented but that without it, he wouldn't be able to travel back to times before it was invented. This leads him to reminisce about a trip he took with his family one very hot summer day...

Into the cartoon we go! I will point out that we do not see Doc's face at all during this opening live-action portion, which is a bummer. I hope we get to see him at the end.

(I don't think I've previously mentioned that I write these posts as I watch through the episodes—pausing every few minutes to type up anything notable—so you're getting the complete journey here as I take it all in. I did watch the first season a couple of years ago, but I do not remember any of it because my brain decided the experience wasn't worth holding onto and dumped it immediately.)

Let's get back on track. It is a blistering hot day in Hill Valley. The flowers are all wilting, the thermometer on the wall explodes because it's hotter than the device can even register, and everyone is growing cranky. Doc is attempting to install a high-tech air conditioner-type thing he's invented in order to make it more bearable.

Outside, Marty is making his way down the street to the Brown farm. He's ditched the jeans and letterman jacket in favor of more "summery" attire, and is already making poor decisions by not only once again riding his hoverboard in public but projecting a movie in front of him as well.

For someone as prone to falling and who is as easily distracted as Marty is, I don't think this particular decision is a wise one. But that's cartoon Marty for ya.

He does end up crashing, by the way. He fails to see Einstein in the yard, runs into him (Einie is fine) and the two of them smash straight through the front door of the house. He wrecks the kitchen and knocks everybody over. With everyone's nerves already on edge due to the extreme heat, Marty's violent entrance proves to be the last straw, and they all start angrily shouting at each other.

Listen. I don't like to see them all screaming at each other, but. I kind of don't blame them? It's a million degrees outside and also Marty literally broke their kitchen table in half. I think Doc can shout at him a little bit for that. As a treat.

Bonus side-tangent! Can I point out how tiny Marty and Clara look in this shot?? First of all, Clara is not as short as Marty is, so that's automatically off. But also, compare them to Doc. He's actually wearing shoes with like...springs on them or something? That adds to his height, BUT he's also leaning forward a lot, so it mostly evens out. Without the shoes and while standing with better posture, Clara would come up to what—Doc's shoulder, just about? (I'm not factoring in her poofy hair) Something is very off proportions-wise. Take a look, then, at a shot from the very next scene.

I dunno. Someone dropped the ball here. Side tangent over. Can you tell I'm having fun watching this silly show?

Once Doc calms them all down, Clara notes that it's the heat making them so irritable, saying, "Maybe if it wasn't hot as the Dickens..."

This gives Doc an idea, and he decides that a family vacation to somewhere cooler is in order. Doc, Clara, Jules, Verne, Marty, and Einie all manage to pile into the DeLorean somehow and travel to 1845 London just before Christmas. Upon arriving, Doc entrusts Jules to hold onto the DeLorean's key, which means it will get stolen or go missing like immediately.

While admiring the view with Doc and Clara, Marty falls off of a building because he gets distracted staring at a girl.

There he goes. I guess he didn't learn his lesson about flirting with other girls after the whole thing with Mercy Tannen and being tried for witchcraft. Marty's brain does not retain those valuable life lessons for very long.

After safely landing in a pile of snow, Marty follows the girl into a nearby toy store to chat her up and gets promptly slapped across the face. Doc and Clara also go into the store because Doc is enamored with figurines of Dr. Frankenstein and the monster, which he evidently had a toy similar to as a child. While Jules and Verne wait outside, a pickpocket comes by and steals the key to the DeLorean. Jules and Verne take off after the thief, and Doc, Marty, and Einie see the commotion and go after the boys. Clara is left at the store, and Ebiffnezer Tannen soon enters. He's angry that the shopkeepers are late on their mortgage payment (by one whole hour) and throws them into debtor's prison. Clara is also thrown into prison after she rebuffs Ebiffnezer's advances.

Side note: this is the second time so far in the series that a Tannen descendant has flirted with and tried to win Clara's heart—through very unsavory means. The prior instance also took place in England (Lord Biffingham, who had captured both Clara and Lady Jennivere).

After unsuccessfully trying to locate the boys and discovering that Clara has been arrested, Doc and Marty decide to split up. This shows just how desperate Doc is because he should know by now that nothing good has ever come from leaving Marty to his own devices. We go then to the prison, which has a whole gigantic wing built onto it just for all the people Ebiffnezer has thrown in there.

After being tossed into a room with like 40 other people, Clara asks an elderly man if he's been there long. The man replies, "When I first come to this prison, I was wrinkled, I had no teeth and drooled a lot. I was a baby!" As you may imagine, Clara is not encouraged by this response. I however, think this is one of the funniest lines of the episode so far. This man was put into prison when he was a BABY because he somehow wronged a member of the Tannen family.

Here are all the people crammed into one of the cells in the Tannen wing of the prison.

Meanwhile, at the town square, Jules and Verne have been captured by the pickpocket leader and are being forced to learn how to steal things. While they're trying to go along with it until they can get the keys back, Marty is off having his own little adventure trying to get Clara sprung from prison.

Using the hoverboard, he makes a visit outside Ebiffnezer's window, posing as the Ghost of Christmas.

Ebiffnezer's terror abates just long enough to ask, "Past, present, or future?" to which Marty replies, "Uh, all of the above." He tells Ebiffnezer that he's there to save his soul and yanks him out the window and into the night. Their first stop is a workhouse, where children are slaving away. Ebiffnezer starts crying, and Marty is hopeful that he's already having a change of heart. But it turns out that Ebiffnezer is just upset because it reminds him that there's an 8-year-old who owes him money.

Jules and Verne, however, are having more success in their mission after having gained the trust of the young pickpocket who had stolen the keys in the first place. They tell him that if he can help get the keys back from Murdock, they can help him escape and find a better life. They get the keys and all make a break for it (along with Doc who had caught up to the boys).

Marty's next stop on his journey is to show Ebiffnezer another sad sight—a homeless family roasting their Christmas dinner of a few chestnuts over a fire. Instead of being moved by compassion for the family, Ebiffnezer attacks them because he's hungry and wants their food.

Marty angrily flies himself and Ebiffnezer back to the house, declaring that he gives up. As he's complaining, his projector device from earlier in the episode falls out of his pocket and starts playing a Godzilla movie. Ebiffnezer is horrified by the images, and Marty takes the opportunity to tell him that the destruction he sees is the result of people living wicked lives. Ebiffnezer immediately promises that he'll change and free everybody from the prison. The next morning, he's found singing and dancing in the street with a Christmas wreath around his neck.

And I can't help but wonder what the implications would be, if any, to the Tannen lineage, given that Ebiffnezer has such a drastic change of character and goes from wicked and cruel to kind and generous. But alas, the cartoon doesn't care about these things.

Okay, wait, hang on. In the scene that immediately follows, Ebiffnezer sees Marty in the toy shop and recognizes him as the "ghost," which makes him enraged and mean again, so...I guess that whole change of heart is undone pretty much right away. At least he's already freed all the prisoners by that point. Anyway, Clara is reunited with her family, and everything turns out okay.

Also, here is a screenshot of them all crammed into the DeLorean on the way home, which I still do not think would be possible.

End of cartoon portion! Back to Real Doc, who is still under the car and doing repairs. At one point, he reaches for a donut with his grimy, disgustingly dirty hand, which upsets me.

He also ends up dipping the donut into the can of motor oil instead of his coffee. Serves you right, Doc.

And that's basically it for this episode. It's a fun one, but I think there was too much going on. There was the plot with the pickpockets, the Clara in prison plot, and the Marty and Ebiffnezer one. It just felt disjointed and made it hard to write about. But Thomas Wilson's voice-acting as Ebiffnezer makes the whole thing worth it.

Join me next week as we travel to 1926 and meet FOUR-YEAR-OLD DOC!!

[sonder-paradise]

Hello, my dear friend. I was thinking… what if Chuuya, Akutagawa, Dazai, Atsushi are having a nightmare and their s/o comforts them?… btw, I really like your posts🖤 thank you for doing them, I really like them a lot💙💛

𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐬 — 𝐁𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐮 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐃𝐨𝐠𝐬

◊ characters. chuuya nakahara, osamu dazai, ryunosuke akutagawa, atsushi nakajima, gn!reader

◊ genre. slight angst, comfort

◊ note. thank you for the req i had fun :)

— 𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐲𝐚 𝐍𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚

for a man that does not dream, the closest he gets is the vague feeling that he is not safe. when he awakes, his palms stick to the sheets. his chest pounds and he swears he doesn't know what's going on.

he remembers nothing but a vague memory that something is wrong. he blinks, breathing slowly. once, twice, and then finally turning his head to look down at your sleeping form.

you are safe. he is safe. but as you shift in your sleep, mumbling something softly to yourself before finally looking up at him with hazy eyes, he feels a horrid, painful ache in his chest.

"chuuya? what are you doing up?" you whisper. your voice soothes something inside him and he swallows thickly.

"nothing. just thinking," he says quickly.

your lips tug down for a moment before letting out a sigh. your hand wraps around his waist, pulling him back down to the bed to lay down. he lays in your embrace quietly, soaking in your whispered words and soothing touch.

"you know you can tell me if something's the matter."

"i know."

unspoken words drift into the silence and chuuya releases his grip on the sheets to hold you a little tigher.

— 𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮 𝐃𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢

dazai says nothing. pulling himself out of bed and towards the kitchen. he's not sure what to do. his mind races and for a second he's scared. everything feels so unfamiliar, so unnatural.

'it was just a dream.'

that's what he tells himself as he paces the kitchen debating on heading down to the Lupin. then you appear in the doorway. he stills himself, eyes wide as his lips fall open in an attempt to explain himself.

but then, he doesn't have to.

"osamu... if you had a nightmare, it's okay to talk to me."

he pauses once more. for a brief second, he looks close to tearing up. but dazai knows better. it would be silly to find relief in you just because of some silly dream.

but when you stand a little straighter and open your arms like that... he can't help but find his way back into your embrace. you stroke his hair as he sinks into your touch.

"wanna talk about it?" you whisper, slowly but surely leading him back towards the bed.

"no," he murmurs, letting himself succumb to the way you just... take care of him. no extra narrative involved except your love.

— 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐍𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚

panic. that's the first thing atsushi feels upon waking back up. he's alert and scanning the room for potential areas of danger. but as he soaks in the atmosphere, he spots his familiar room, the scent of you and him intermingled comfortingly and most important, you.

he stills himself, trying to pull it together slowly. questions race through his mind. is it okay to wake you for this? would you be mad if he got closer? his anxiety warps his already panicked state of mind.

then you roll over, rubbing your eyes before realizing the sort of state your lover's currently in.

"atsushi..." you murmur, carefully holding your arms open. "what's wrong?"

he immediately latches on with no intention of letting go anytime soon. silence replaces his answer but eventually he mumbles the details of his dream to you.

you’re quiet, taking in the way be trembles under your touch and stiffens when he thinks you’re about to pull away.

“i’m here. i’m not going anywhere,” you whisper and he nods and accepts those words.

the silence becomes a little less terrifying.

— 𝐑𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞 𝐀𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚

he wouldn’t admit he’s been startled awake by something haunting his mind. akutagawa turns away from you, unable to look at your peaceful form.

he traces back his memory; where he is, who he is, and his safety. he’s not wearing his coat…

akutagawa grabs the dark coat that sits patiently on a chair nearby. he wraps it around himself and questions if sleep is still a viable option for him.

then your voice hurries from the bed and he returns to your side.

“ryuu, are you going somewhere?” you ponder aloud, noticing the way he grips his coat a little tighter.

“no,” he grumbles.

you stare at him quizzically. he looks so frail and tired standing there so awkwardly. you soften your tone as you reach out to cup his cheek.

“you can keep the coat on. just lay down with me, is that okay?”

he thinks for a moment, then nods and sits back down. the coat is still wrapped around his frail shoulders. you pull your arms around him too.

akutagawa isn’t sure whether or not to love this affection or shun away from it. but it feels so warm, so unfamiliar yet right that he accepts it.

it’s a better alternative than the nightmarish comforts that await him when he shuts his eyes.

Taglist: @requiem626k @kruven @nonsense-corner @kiyokoxd @jessbeinme15 @starglow-xx @shadyteacup @colourless-cora @scul-pted @kuraxmasha @yochicoz @pompompurin1028 @trashykawahq @swrdemon @life-sus @foolishestchildofchilds @fyodorscello @kur0-kawa @planetxiao @dazaiaiko @chuuyasboots @ruthdied @allisonlol @questioningmyownexistence @sebtomm @nullified-kiss @nathansside @cuteflowers-101 @sigmafied @boombboi @scarletta-ruan @skgch @daz8i @httpsobi @dazaiscum @thekaylahub @dazaisbloodybandages @dazaisfavgf @alice0blog @irethepotato @vinyicryes @monastary @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @disa-ster @mastering-procrastinating @wonpielle

[seohwang]

XXXX.

First kisses with Ateez - Jongho ver.

Genre: fluff

Word count: 755

Warnings: none, Jongho is just too smooth for his own good, that's all

A/N: While working on my other bigger projects, I've decided to post another member's part of my First kisses with Ateez reaction series!! This time, the member of choice is Jongho, as I've been especially focused on him lately. Hope you enjoy and see you again soon! ♥

A/N 2: Btw, this is part of a small event I did on both this blog and my other, more nsfw one, @kp-alice! Go check it out if you're interested in some fun sub!yeosang smut ♥

Now, I think Jongho is a simple man

Not in a bad way, of course not!!

He just likes to take things at a slow, comfortable pace, especially when it comes to relationships

So he would definitely be one of the less nervous members when it came to your first kiss

He wouldn’t worry about it much, deciding that he’d stress about it when it actually happened

And in the meantime, he'd want to get to know you as much as possible, resulting in many relaxed, quiet dates where the two of you would get to hang out and talk, or even just vibe silently in the other’s presence

Whether it would be at a park, at home, or at some cute and cozy café - much like right now

You were just planning on taking a short walk around, wanting to enjoy the unexpectedly pleasant weather today

But then you saw this cool hand-made artisan shop, and this beautiful public art display, and-

Before you knew it, you strayed way off your original starting point, walking through unknown streets and exploring your new surroundings

Had it been just you walking around, you would have been a bit worried by now, pulling out your phone to try and find your way back

But with Jongho, you knew you had nothing to be concerned about

He just held your hand and pulled you along, a small smile never leaving his lips as he did so

And really, this did help you relax and allow yourself to roam freely

Until you noticed the sullen, grey sky looming above you, warning the two of you that the weather wouldn’t be staying nice for much longer

You told Jongho right away, making him reluctantly agree with you to call it a day just to be safe

But not even a few minutes later, rain started falling from the sky, growing in intensity with every street you passed

This alone would have been doable, but once the freezing wind picked up as well, you were starting to question your life decisions

Noticing your wet shirt, Jongho offered you his jacket to warm yourself up, but you quickly refused, not wanting him to get sick

But Jongho obviously didn’t want that for you either

And so, after a second failed attempt at convincing you to just take the jacket because he’d rather catch a cold himself than have you suffer, he thought of a different plan

Before you knew it, you were being pulled into the nearest café, a small bell chiming above your head as you entered

You tried to protest, but Jongho just gently shushed you, tugging you with him to a cozy table tucked in a far-away corner

There, he helped you get seated before taking off his jacket and sitting down next to you

“Jongho, we really don’t have to stay here, we’re not that far from-” “Of course we’re staying. I’m freezing cold and I was wearing more layers than you. No way I'm letting you out there before the rain stops,” he quickly retorted before reaching for the menu on the table

“But,” you tried again, nervously biting on your lip as you continued, “I didn’t even bring any money, I didn’t expect us to order anything today…”

You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, silently scolding yourself for leaving your purse at home

The entire day was going great, but now you were going to ruin it with a small, stupid mistake

You wanted to apologize, to try and maybe save this situation somehow, but then…

???

Before you could say anything, you felt Jongho’s lips on yours, effectively shutting you up

Instinctively, you closed your eyes, resting a hand on his thigh for support as you leaned in for more

Shortly after, Jongho pulled away, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear

“And who said I’d let you pay?” He retorted with a smile, lowering his hand to cup your cheek, “I chose to bring us here so it’s my treat. All you need to do is warm yourself back up and stop worrying.”

And with that (and a light blush blooming on his face), he turned back to the menu, skimming the drinks to find something for the two of you while you still sat there, shocked

Needless to say, thanks to Jongho, you did feel a lot warmer already.

Thank you so much for reading! And remember, feedback is always appreciated!! <3

[jolynesmom]

hey can u share ur void success story? Would love to see it

hii this is the storytime I promised about getting into the void first try <3

disclaimer: this post is long asf, I like being very detailed when talking about such stuff because you may never know which insignificant detail might help someone + I always liked when people would go into detail about shifting or the void state

this happened a few months ago. I’m a reality shifter and have been trying for around 4 years and never succeeded for more than a few seconds, so I got extremely burned out with the traditional methods

I decided to research about shifting on tumblr to see if the community is popular here as well (previously I’ve only researched about it on tiktok, reddit and a bit on youtube) and found a bit of general info about shifting, but what has gotten my attention was a person who got into the void state and instantly manifested their desires. I thought it looked a lot like shifting so I read some more

I knew a tiny bit about the void state from shifttok, but I’ve never been interested to learn more until that point. the og post said that they specifically reached the void state by doing yoga nidra so I thought it was a requirement for the void at that point. I didn’t know what yoga nidra was, so I sent the person a message asking about it and went about my day deciding I’m giving up on traditional methods and will start to work with the void state

for some reason I didn’t research any further that day (probably because I was burnt out by my shifting attempt the night before and didn’t feel like ingesting more information)

at night I decided to try to shift again. I drank blue lotus tea and put on a guided meditation. after 10 minutes I get bored and switched the meditation for white, brown and pink noises and fell asleep saying affirmations

I got woken up by my alarm at around 10 a.m. (I didn’t shift) and I tried to get out of bed to really woke up, but I ended up falling asleep until 11:30 a.m. when I got woken up again by my loud parents getting ready for work, so I tried to play on my phone to get more lucid and not fall asleep again because I didn't feel like getting out of bed, but I also didn't want to continue sleeping. my eyes were practically closing by themselves atp, but I went on tumblr and saw the person I messaged the night before answered my message and said they'll post a guide one of these days. after thanking them I closed my eyes again thinking of the void state. I remember saying to myself something like “I really want to get into the void, I can’t wait for the guide so I can do yoga nidra”

for the next hour I fell asleep for 10 minutes then woke up for 1-3 minutes at least 3 times (I was very tired, probably because of the previous shifting attempt) and my thoughts were completely blank;

at some point I find myself in my kitchen trying to make coffee and I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not because the dream was very clear and I usually make coffee after getting out of bed so I thought I had finally woken up

I noticed the jar of instant coffee was almost empty and I asked myself "why is it almost empty, I bought a new jar yesterday" (I finished my jar yesterday and wanted to buy a new one today btw), then when I went pick up the jar I was instantly hit with the realization that I was lucid dreaming, so not even a second later I threw myself to the ground in a crisscross position to allow myself to fall through the floor and shift to my dr

when I hit the ground I closed my eyes and stated my intention of wanting to shift to my jujutsu kaisen dr, but I didn’t even get to finish my intention when I felt myself being pulled through the floor in an infinite dark void; I realized I entered the void state

I was calm, but really wanted to get to my dr, so I started affirming and visualizing. I felt myself being pulled again through the void, a bit lower, before stopping again

I got annoyed and started thinking of my dr again then started hearing a voice; I listened for a bit then realized I was hearing an argument between yuuji and megumi. I didn't understand because they were talking in japanese, but at the same time I understood the message?? they were arguing about how to exorcise a curse or something like that

the weird thing about their voices is that when I dream, lucid dream, visualize or make up scenarios, all the voices are quiet and muffled in the distance and the tone never changes, but the voices I was hearing were loud and clear as if I was next to them, which has NEVER happened to me before. I think I literally stood there frozen for 15 seconds because of how loud and real (?) their voices sounded

anyways

I was getting annoyed because I kept getting distracted and started saying affirmations and trying to imagine where I wanted to wake up. I couldn't feel my body the whole time, I was pure conciseness.

I told myself that as long as I shift, I don't care where I end up, then suddenly I started to hear more voices including a girl's voice (they were most probably people from other drs of mine).

I got confused and a bit alarmed, so I asked out loud what do I have to do to shift. suddenly all the voices got muffled and a man with a lower voice started talking to me in english. I didn't know who that was and I got confused, but tried my best to follow his instructions. I started to hear noises from my cr (the cars passing my apartment as I live in a noisy area) but tried not to wake up. because of the noises I woke up and suddenly I was in my room again. I panicked but didn’t open my eyes or move my body (I could semi-feel my body, but it was mostly asleep) and literally yelled in my mind ‘I want to get back into the void!!’ suddenly I’m in the void again, this time I didn’t feel the falling sensation, it was instant

back into the void I saw nothing was working I decided to shift to my waiting room because I remembered someone once saying that a waiting room is some kind of parallel located between your cr and other realities and this is why it can be easier to shift there. I intended to shift to my waiting room then felt how my body got pulled lower into the void again, then it suddenly stopped when I heard my phone buzzing in my cr because of a notification

I got extremely frustrated and decided to fully wake up

I woke up at around 1:20 p.m. and was very happy with what I just went through.

thinking about the last voice for a bit, I initially thought it was gojo, but it sounded too different to be him, plus the man was talking in english, so I figured it could've been zhongli from my genshin dr since I scripted english is an universal language in teyvat, but then I thought it was weird that he responded since I'm not very close to him in my dr, but after some more thinking I realized that we're actually connected in my dr so it kinda makes sense to be him, but I'm still not 100% sure, I'm only sure about hearing yuuji and megumi arguing

it took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that when I was in the void and said I want to shift to my dr and started falling then stopped and I heard yuuji and megumi, I was actually in my dr and I just needed to wake up. I thought I would get woken up instantly just like with shifting methods, but I actually had to wake myself up from the void. my information was very limited because, like I said in the beginning, I only read one or two posts about the void state beforehand

it would also make sense to hear yuuji and megumi first thing before waking up in my dr, because I scripted that when they go in the school to get sukuna’s finger, I would be asleep in one of the offices (don’t ask) and will witness the whole thing

I think the way I got into the void is an actual method; I forgot the name of it but it might’ve been the phrase method, I’m not too sure

it also shows you don’t have to have a perfect mindset as I thought I can’t possibly get into the void until I do yoga nidra for a few days, so all you need is intention and an alternate state of consciousness

additional things (you can totally skip this if you want to)

after I got into the void state that day, I continued practicing the void state and I almost got into it at least 15 times, but instead of doing it via a lucid dream, I used the lullaby and distraction methods because I have a hard time lucid dreaming. every time I would be pulled into the void with these methods I would instantly think of my cr or get impatient and be immediately be pulled out, so I’m working on that and on how to lucid dream more often

I think I’m getting close into reaching the void again, because I’ve been working on meditation and started teaching my subconscious mind not to think of my cr while going into the void state.

the months of march and april were literally stagnant for me with no little to no success because I strongly believe I got the evil eye or something like that. at the end of february I went back to my home country (which is in eastern europe) to attend my cousin’s 18th birthday and I think I might have been cursed by one of the old ladies attending. I would always get the evil eye by them as a kid, but my grandma would usually remove it for me

my manifestations stopped and I couldn’t reach the void again but I thought it was because of work and uni related stress, but then it hit me it might be something else because I literally never had issues with my manifestations but suddenly I couldn’t manifest anything anymore, so I performed a cleanse and now I’m back again manifesting like it’s my job

a few nights ago I tried to get into the void, after like 8 minutes of meditation my body fell asleep while my mind was awake and I could’ve entered the void, but I sabotaged myself because I told myself I needed to go to sleep asap because I need to wake up in 3 hours for work so I moved around a bit and went to sleep

anyways, I’ll try to get into the void again and keep y’all updated. next month I go back to my home country where is peace and quiet so I think I’ll have a better time without stressing about uni, work or the noisy area I live in

[rad-batson]

THIS IS FOR FANS OF CASSANDRA CAIN! PLEASE READ! I WANT YOUR THOUGHTS

(skip to the bottom if you just want silly headcanons about her :D)

Hello! So first, I want to thank everyone who read the Wayne pilot I made :) I appreciate your feedback, and I love you all.

As I'm preparing to post it on AO3, I decided to make a few (admittedly small) changes to the script, primarily around Cassandra Cain, because I haven't quite fleshed her out yet.

I don't have much experience with writing Cass, so I decided to do a bit of research on her yesterday, and wouldn't you know? I fell in love. 10/10. She didn't play a huge part in the pilot, but she will have a bigger one in the second episode, and there are a few things I think can or should be added so she doesn't feel too one-note.

There wasn't anyone who told me this, by the way. (In fact, I actually got some nice comments about her so thank you.) I just had it in the back of my mind while writing, and now that Cass is getting more screen time, I'm finding that my lack of knowledge might lead to mischaracterization.

SO TO COMBAT THIS, I MADE A GUIDE FOR MYSELF ON HOW TO WRITE CASS

Is this overkill? Probably Think of it as a silly headcanon list for my version of her. And I'm posting it here because I want your feedback before it's set in stone. (I know Cass isn't written well a lot, so this is my attempt to right these horrid wrongs.)

If you're going to give criticism, please be constructive. Tell me what you like or don't like. I'm all ears. Have fun :)

Writing Cass

(Btw I still gotta read Cass’s first Batgirl run by Kelley Puckett)

Has some sass, has a lot actually

Used to be awkward in social settings. she’s better at it when she’s with people so she can match their energy but she still prefers to just dip

Speaks in short-ish sentences, trying her best tho

I WILL BE ADDING THIS INTO THE PILOT, I JUST WANT TO KNOW TO WHAT DEGREE?? OR IS IT REALLY FINE

Mostly just relies on body language though

I WILL BE ADDING THIS INTO THE PILOT TOO, ESPECIALLY WITH THE ASL SCENE (BUT IT’S NOT REPLACING THE ASL)

also yes i know her using ASL isn't canon, it just works best for the scene, it would have been written the same whether she was in it or not, it is still a cute nod to fanon tho

Steph and Cass are extremely close BUT ALSO HAVE SEPARATE LIVES (I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO STRESS THAT AND I AGREE)

Messy, low-key gross. Bad-ish hygiene but she’s good at looking put-together so only those close know this about her (this is just my headcanon)

Often forgets bigger words so she occasionally uses the wrong one, she ALSO mixes up proverbs but no one corrects her because 1: it’s cute and 2: they don’t want to discourage her from speaking with them more casually (also my headcanon)

Cass: So I pulled the door off its…*makes motion with hand*…metal books. Steph: Do you mean hinge— Cass: Metal books.

Dick: Well that was a surprise. I didn’t know The Penguin would be here. Cass, nodding: Well life gives you grapes Dick: Wut Cass: You make grape juice. Get on the same book, Nightwing

I'M ON THE FENCE ABOUT ADDING THIS ONE BECAUSE IDK LET ME KNOW PLEASE

Is a cinnamon bun AND a little shit, it’s a balancing act

Production: She’s Wayne’s darling Princess Cass: *will break your fingers*

She does appear behind the camera crew to scare them on purpose, she thinks it’s funny, she likes seeing them freak out

She is super competitive, but she's always like "Oh I'm not that competitive" *proceeds to be very competitive*

Because she isn't super confident in her writing or speaking (or just uncomfortable communicating without seeing the other person's body language) she prefers to Facetime or simply reply to texts with selfies of her reaction. It is a thing now. when you need an honest opinion about an outfit, text a photo to Cass. She will either give back a photo of a thumbs up or a photo of a grimace and some not-so-flattering emojis

Her princess persona is her public cover persona in this show, parallel to Bruce’s “Brucie” and Dick’s “born for the cameras” thing

Is surprisingly vocal (and sometimes snippy) about her distaste with things but she mostly gets a pass because her morals align best with Bruce’s

Is most snippy when her family uses methods other than violence when violence is clearly the faster option, god they're such pacifists

Tim: *trying carefully to pick a lock* Cass: Just break through the wall? Tim: We can’t do that. We’re trying not to be noticed. Cass: Wimp

Bruce: Cass, why did you have to dislocate that man’s shoulder? Cass: I put it back. Bruce: That’s not the point. Cass: Fine, I’ll dislocate it again.

Is the best fighter, none of this “oh she’s the best fighter so when people do win against her, it makes them look cooler” thing, shut tf up, she could break their bones (not important to the show ofc but I need to add this because it is important in general)

Horrible at drawing, wretched (again a headcanon but I did see someone else mention it somewhere)

Also bad at writing, refuses to study to improve out of principle (i.e. she told Babs she doesn’t need to and now she refuses to admit Babs was right)

(AND SIDE-HEADCANON IF SHE IS HORRIBLE AT WRITING AND ACTIVELY HATED STUDYING HER ALPHABET THEN WHAT IF LIKE ONE DAY SOMEONE SAYS “hey can you grab me one of these files from last week’s case, it’s under M” SHE’S LIKE “fuck you, how could you do this to me” WHILE SEARCHING FOR M OR MORE SIMPLY *throws something at them*)

That's all I have right now. If you'd like to give me any recommendations, please do. I can't promise I'll add in every single one because this show is still about the whole Batfam, not just her, but I want to do her justice, and that definitely involves more fine-tuning on my part

OKAY THAT'S ALL LOVE YOU BYE

[rat-rosemary]

In case people are wondering how close drantis are sometimes to dsmpblr and dreblr:

That cgeorge art people are reblogging? He dangly one with the caption of they want to make it a keychain if there's enough interest?In the tags of the original post they say they hate abd "do not endorse" ccGeorge LMAO.

I feel you on the "dont vet blogs" thing because like throwback to the 2nd great twitter exodus and i had people all up in my asks because I reblogged rivals art that crossed my dash and apparently OP shipped a ship twitter did NAWT like. Like. Ok. First off I saw Rivals Duo on my dash. So I reblogged Rivals Duo on my dash. Second, thats my friend (didnt you scroll and vet my blog anon? ����). Third, even if they werent, why do i have to scroll someones blog for 10 minutes to make sure theyre Kosher to reblog from when im just trying to look at art on my 10min break at work THATS STUPID. Fourth if youre from twitter and trying to control what tumblr does instead of adapting to tumblr i think you should fail at an attempt to crosd a busy road

Augh :[

Yeah okay so maybe there are a lot mores sucky people then what I realized :[

Even then I feel people can have odd standards for what you should veto as well

Like, for the anon who accused me of being a dranti I should be checking the blogs I interact with, but me shipping Quackity and Dream was completely fine (funniest asks ever btw, I hope that anon is doing well)

For someone else I should not be following or reblogging art from people who ship dreamnoblade (which is, in my opinion, the most obvious post-pandora ship along with Drunz. Like. The chocolate ice-cream of dsmp ships)

Even if you tried you couldn't make your blog safe for everyone, and you shouldn't try!

But yeah, people who got used to the high control environment of twt can have a hard time disconnecting from those expectations and habits, but I think most of them need time and space

[sgiandubh]

Lo puedes negar hasta el cansancio pero cada vez te me pareces más y más a Puffy-Liar! su mismo modus operandi, hablas en círculos, te crees dueña ds la verdad absoluta, escribes largos "rants" donde hablas mucho pero no dices nada. Es cuestión de tiempo para que traigas de vuelta tus "privy info", "close to SC sources" a tu amiga Stella y el "vault" con las fotos de SC y el bebé rubio. Supongo que en WordPress ya no eras tan popular y extrañabas tener los shippers rogandote para que compartas la información de tu amigo "long throat" ya sabes, Puffy siendo Puffy. 😅🤣🤣

Oh, but hello you Master Troll Anon,

For the delight of this fandom, may I translate your venomous rant, that was supposed to what...? scare me? ... make me run for the helicopter on the roof, Ceaușescu-style?

You can deny it until you get tired, but every time you look more and more like Puffy-Liar! The same modus operandi as her, you talk in circles, you think you are the master of absolute truth, you write long rants where you talk a lot and say nothing. It's just a matter of time until you bring back your privy info, close to SC sources, your friend Stella and the vault with the pictures of SC and the blonde baby. I suppose you were not as popular on WordPress and you missed the shippers begging you to share the information from your 'long throat' friend. You know, Puffy being Puffy.'

Since your reading comprehension is so perfect, I will answer you in English.

I hope my letter finds you well, btw.

First of all, it's Deep Throat, not Long Throat. But you know... barista/barrister... Deep Throat existed, during the Watergate Affair. His name was Mark Felt and he was the Deputy Director of the FBI, supplying Bob Bernstein and co with all the needed info. Puffy's is a figment of her imagination, as you all know it.

I have doxxed myself not once, but twice . And I did it on purpose, because I knew you would do exactly this, in order to feel alive, perhaps:

First, my mugshot:

Posted on July 30th, while recounting my visit to Olympia: https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/724219876757176320/a-stupid-shippers-guide-to-the-peloponnese-part

Yes, darling, this is me: a Romanian, 45 year-old, Roman-Catholic diplomat. Not a 60+ Jewish widow from Massachusetts :

Then, because you were harassing @bjj3007-ichoosetobelieve, I posted this flat denial on August 18th: https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/725983370933354496/jeez-louise

In Romanian. Had I done it in French, my second mother tongue, you would have screeched it was inconclusive. Silly twats.

As far as I know, Puffy has some rudiments of French, but that's about it. Sorry, doll. Wrong number.

I don't care about your slanderous, uneducated and vulgar opinion. I despise your harassment attempts on people who were only liking what they were reading and were very warm to me.

You are not the first one to try and scare me. You have yet to prove I am a liar, with hard evidence, not with impressionist camelos.

There is at least one woman in this fandom who knows my name, my full mail address and all the specific details. Because she recently used them and got confirmation that I am who I said I am, I have the job I said I have and I live where I said I lived.

Her delicate gesture moved me. Yours brought a sort of disgusted amusement, if at all possible.

I know who you are. If I were you, I'd think twice before going on with the shitshow. I am not implying anything and I will not lose my time with you in court (my best IRL friend, the Madrid abogada, will gladly do it pro bono, btw). But you have nothing and you will continue to have nothing.

Because there is nothing you can have about me. I said it all, almost.

What this outburst is telling me, is one darn inconvenient thing for you, people. So, I'll say it in Spanish, cariño:

¿Vds tienen mucho, mucho miedo, verdad?

I promised to be your worst intellectual nightmare. I meant it.

So far, I think I am not faring that bad, eh?

[ladyluscinia]

hi i had something i was confused about and i was wondering if you could help! so when izzy shoots himself in the head, does he do it with the intention of killing himself except he misses? or does he purposely trick ed? genuinely i couldn’t figure out what they were trying to imply there, and you are a literal god at meta analysis, so i thought i’d ask :)

Anon that is a great question and I have thoughts.

Short answer: I have watched that scene several times now and I'm still not 100% on what's going down there!

Now for the long answer... 🤔

I am confident that Izzy puts the gun to his head with intention. He's not trying to trick Edward - not in the least because I don't think he's mentally there enough to think ahead. Izzy just got abruptly woken up post-amputation for one of the most emotionally fraught conversations of his life. The guy is probably delirious from bloodloss, pain, and hopefully something he was given for the pain (though since Frenchie's first aid kit didn't make it down... maybe not 😬).

I think he's there enough to put together that his last ditch attempt to pull Edward out of all this failed. To feel the frankly overwhelming emotional snarl of anger / distress / love that gets him to point the gun at Edward and then send him away. He's laying in that bed realizing horribly that fucked doesn't begin to cover it and Edward is going to spiral further and further until he dies, but I doubt he feels like he can DO anything about it - even if he wasn't freshly down a leg.

That's why he lifts the gun. That's why Edward isn't surprised to hear it fire.

But why doesn't it hit?

So I have two equally plausible theories. I'm figuring they are going to have to circle back to two of their main three characters attempting suicide on screen, so Izzy will probably say something in the future that narrows it down. (For now, I personally prefer the second one.)

So, Theory #1 is that Izzy survived purely on accident. Or by fate. You can see his hand drop and the gun slip upward just before he pulls the trigger. As previously established, my guy is going through it mentally and physically. It is fully within the realm of possibility that he didn't have the strength to keep his hand steady and it saved his life while knocking him out instead. Then later he wakes up and (probably still somewhat delirious) decides that apparently life isn't done with him yet and he needs to go put a stop to whatever murder-suicide Edward is trying to enact.

Theory #2 is that - at the last second - Izzy changed his mind.

Thematically this is interesting. There's a post going around about how even in the darkest depths Edward still has a spark of himself that wants to live, and parallels this with Stede getting confronted "Do you want to live?!?" in S1. I can't endorse this post because the author is an Izzy hater who sidebars in the middle to go "btw this is all Izzy's fault, the evil bastard" but it's an interesting parallel. Especially if you take a sympathetic read of Izzy also going to pull the trigger into account.

Maybe Edward and Izzy (and Stede) want to live just a little more than they want to die, even when the situation seems unbearable. Maybe Edward's drive manifests in giving the crew chance after chance to stop him when they could never stop a bullet in the middle of the night, and in trying to untie the ropes even before he hears Stede waiting for him, and Izzy's...?

Well, maybe Izzy's drive manifests in jerking the gun down just before it fires.

[herearedragons]

happy storyteller saturday! v specific lol but tell me about watcher selene! I keep seeing the tag in my notifs and now im curious 👀

yes hello hi I would love to tell you about Selene! also I'm making this the "Selene for people who don't know Pillars of Eternity" post, if you don't know the videogame but want to understand who the blue girl is. this is the place

the basics are that she's my Pillars of Eternity (videogame) OC, she's touched by Ondra (goddess of the moon, sea and oblivion) from birth which made her blue and glowy with horns (rather than a normal elf like her parents), and she's psychic! she reads minds! she hears everyone's thoughts, especially the painful ones, and she can't make it stop!!

(also she's kind of my main guy (gender neutral) right now and I love her)

more points of interest about her that might explain why I tag the posts I do with her name:

(cw for religious cults, abuse and suicidal ideation)

raised in a cult of Ondra, grew up in a temple. never knew her parents. it was just assumed that since she was marked by The Goddess obviously she was meant to be a priestess. and the thing you need to know about Ondrite worship is that one of its main things is the tradition of Giftbearers, people who collect mementos of traumatic events from people who want to forget said trauma and throw those mementos into the sea. because all forgotten things belong to Ondra and all that belongs to Ondra is forgotten. the idea is that once the reminder of the pain is gone you are free to move on

when Selene was like 12, her psychic powers manifested and she discovered that she can literally erase painful memories from people's minds. which was assumed to be a gift from The Goddess and she was immediately was hailed as some kind of super-Giftbearer. from this point on, people would come to the temple specifically to see her and to have their bad memories taken away. one problem with that: everything Selene erases from someone else's mind, she gets to remember instead of them. after a few decades (pillars of eternity elves live for hundreds of years btw) of doing that, she kind of ran out of room in her brain, and the memories started to overwhelm her

eventually Selene realized she can't do this anymore and that she wants to stop. at which point she was informed that she should ritually drown herself to "complete the cycle" and release the memories into oblivion. Selene refused, on account of she wanted to live, at which point the same priests that raised her attempted to drown her by force and she had to use her psychic powers to kill for the first time to save herself. after killing them she fled her community and spent the next couple of decades living in the wilderness before eventually deciding to try civilization once again, at which point the events of the actual game Pillars Of Eternity find her (which is where the 'watcher' part comes into play. a Watcher is someone who can see soulsa and the game is about you becoming a Watcher. even more voices in Selene's brain)

falls in love with a guy who is a farmer and a war vet and going through his own crisis of faith related to the god of the sun and second chances he used to worship and then kind of helped kill. hey what if we were both temple kids and my god wanted me dead because I have served my purpose of absorbing other people's pain and there's no use for me anymore and your country wanted you dead because you fought in a war to protect it but at the end of the war you had to help kill your god. and what if you had no purpose and my only purpose was Survive and you needed someone to follow and ended up following me. what about it

Ondra tries to kill the farmer war vet guy at one point because she hates to see Selene happy and THAT'S how Selene realizes she loves him in the first place. because Ondra decided to go after him specifically

Selene then proceeds to silently pine for like three years because she doesn't want to find out what Ondra does if she confesses

the farmer guy confesses to her first and Selene goes "well I can't NOT do this"

this is them btw (thank you @layalu I am cherishing this art forever)

also. after the events of the game she joins the country' Psychic Secret Service and becomes a cool telepath spymaster detective kind of deal. also deeply important to me

[stellamancer]

niku (for the ask game) i wish you’d write a fic where reader is in grad school with gooj……..maybe a lil academic rivals to lovers….

gRAD SCHOOL WITH GOOJ.... and you can't just say MAYBE A LITTLE academic rivals to lovers to me. i cannot have just a little it MUST BE A BUFFET. 

UH ANYWAY. so actually, as someone who only did their undergrad, i had to ask the grad student i do know about the difference. and they actually ended up feeding me ideas. i can't take credit for their brilliance though.

> if theyre academic rivals to lovers then maybe theyre sharing an elective class that has a group project and theyre in diff groups

and also:

> well my apartment building has laundry in it > but imagine reader hauling their laundry to a laundromat n running into gojo > id shit > gojo sees u hauling ur laundry and follows u inside to bug u abt ur group project (separate groups btw) and he just sits there while u shove everything into the machine hoping he doesnt see ur underwear

i think being in separate groups for a group project would be fun. so uh, full disclosure i think i went kind of off the rails and i DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS ANY MORE. but uh. it got terribly self indulgent is and is just short of 5k which is is insane. so uh. yeah hahahaaHAHAHAHA. <- laughing to hide my tears.

anyway, as for my own idea. so uh, please ignore me for laying down some groundwork HAHAHA. so, reader and gojo ended up attending the same university for undergrad. it's a very prestigious school with a famously low acceptance rate (for reference, gojo was recommended for admittance and took the entrance exam for the funsies).

reader, who was used to being the top student, is somewhat surprised that, upon the results of their first major exam being posted, they are not first but SECOND. briefly, and I do mean briefly, they're kind of like ‘well this is a really prestigious school ofc there would be insanely smart people here that could best me’ but then they find out that the person in the top spot is satoru gojo.

and said gojo is known for being a filthy rich, insufferable slacker and because of that reader has no respect for him and gets MAD. especially since they've also heard the rumor that he's attending school for shits and giggles. so they study extra hard to try and knock him from the top spot only to wind up in second place AGAIN and the cycle continues.

gojo, on the other hand, doesn't really notice reader until a little later. he knows their name (he knows everyone's names) and that they're second place but he doesn't really pay them mind until the professor for their class has a ta conduct a free study period because they have a personal emergency to attend to. gojo gets very excited over this because it's finally his time to really shine as the top student in the class. he expects his classmates to flock to him for help with class material, and while a couple students do ask him for help, those who don't form groups of their own gather around reader. it doesn't bother him at first and he attempts to teach the students who have asked him for help but they don't seem to get it. which frustrates him a little. how can they not understand? Eventually some of them thank him for his attempt but go to ask reader and gojo is a little huffy about it. 

actually he's pretty huffy about it. 

after class, he approaches reader who is a bit 😑😑😑 at him because it's gojo, and he. Well. 

“must have been pretty nice having everyone ask for your help,” gojo remarks, derisive. “even though, i’m top of the class.” you scowl, annoyed. “well, maybe more people would have asked you if you were better at explaining things.” a couple of your classmates had mentioned asking gojo first, but couldn't make heads or tails of what he was saying. when you asked them to explain, you were able to understand, but only because you could reverse engineer his methods.  gojo shrugs, “not my fault they couldn't understand.” your jaw ticks. what is he on? “they asked you to help them, but you couldn't; of course it's your fault.”  “maybe they should have tried harder!” “maybe you should have tried a different teaching method!” you hiss before stomping off. 

and that's honestly the first time anyone has really argued with gojo in…. Well not a while, but the only one who ever challenges him like that is suguru. and he actually approaches suguru about the whole thing later and suguru basically agrees with what reader was saying which, gojo ultimately concedes to. 

so, he, begrudgingly, takes a different approach when the next class study session happens and is met with better results. gojo tries to gloat about it to reader but all he gets is a flat “good for you” and it upsets him because he worked hard, you know, he adjusted for everyone instead of everyone adjusting to him (like he's used to because he's a spoiled brat) and while it felt super good that so many of his classmates actually understood what he was saying this time he wanted reader to acknowledge him the most. 

again, he whines to suguru, who actually finds this all very funny, and suguru gives him a pat on the back too, but at this point gojo has become determined to have reader approve of him. 

which means gojo goes out of his way to interact with reader more but, is met with annoyance or hostility and normal people would just back off but not gojo. like he'll congratulate reader on their high score on the exam and reader will tell him to shove it and initially it kind of makes him mad (especially since reader is very cordial with literally everyone else) but eventually he starts to find it kind of fun to get a rise out of reader the way he does. (I think initially he thought the class was kind of boring but then he gets to look forward to antagonizing reader wtf is his problem). 

he does not get the approval he wants though, so at some point, he decides to double major— with one of his majors being the same as reader’s. this only bothers them more since now they see him MORE and he seems to handle the double major stuff flawlessly. 

anyway, reader doesn't manage to get better grades than gojo in any class by the end of their undergrad and gojo doesn't get the approval from them he craves. 

(I think there's an incident where one of them is accused by a jealous classmate of some form of academic dishonesty and the other defends them but I haven't decided on who. whoever it is though, probably starts to develop Feelings)

graduation comes and reader thinks that they are finally free of gojo, thinking he will go into the work force so he can ultimately take over the family company, bUT HE DOESN'T HE GOES TO GRAD SCHOOL. and reader is just appalled. like what the actual fuck. and so once again they have classes together but the only upside is that it's less often (since me grad school friend said that classes are more infrequent).

I like the separate group project idea so we are going with that. reader is fine with being a separate group from gojo until he’s all smiley at them and is like ‘looks like we’re competing again and reader is just like ‘fuck my stupid baka life.’

actually I feel like I put too much development thought into undergrad oh well. 

so since there is more free time in grad school so I'm thinking reader gets a job. maybe working as wait staff at a restaurant…. a fancy one. and gojo finds out when he goes there for a gojo family business dinner thing. reader has to keep a straight face and ignore gojo’s smarmy expression and how hot he looks in a suit (the suit is fan service for me).

during part of the dinner gojo excuses himself to go to the bathroom and happens to see reader joking around with a coworker. he's never seen reader with that expression before and gets a little annoyed/jealous (the jealousy is also fan service for me). 

gojo brings up reader's job next time they see each other for class saying he didn't know and reader's just like ‘why would I tell you?’ which makes gojo realize despite being academic rivals for years he doesn't actually know much about them. 

I think at some point they have a convo where reader is just like ‘why are you even going to grad school when you don't need to’ and gojo says that he doesn't have a lot of time left to do what he wants before having to fulfill his duties as the gojo family heir and he's the going to grad school because he wants to (keep seeing reader). reader actually feels bad for him when they realize the magnitude of the expectations placed on him and in this convo he mentions that competing with reader in school has made his college life fun. I think at this point gojo realizes he won't get to really see reader after grad school is over and that makes him sad. 

Mmmm. Maybe. They make a bet at this point gojo bets that if reader's group does better than gojo’s on the project he'll grant them any one desire they want and while reader is like ????? at first he explains that because of who he is he can do anything with his money and/or influence but if his group does better then reader has to do anything he wants and they’re like okay yeah sure whatever rich boy.

so reader does their best to encourage their group mates to well on this group project (which i have decided has a presentation at the end of the semester… it is a nice long semester long project). i’d say most of them at know of reader and gojo’s rivalry (or at least about gojo) and they’re pretty amenable to trying to show him up. 

over the semester stuff happens, you know extra relationship building stuff, with gojo constantly asking about the project. he'll occasionally annoy reader at work (and maybe try to shoo away the coworker he thinks is interested in reader), bug them at the library, drag them to dinner after class and. idk. despite gojo becoming less of a rival and more of an annoyance, reader starts to get endeared to him.

just as finals week, when they have to do their presentation, is approaching, reader is at the library and their laptop just. stops working. and they start to freak out because even though a lot of stuff for the project is saved to a cloud storage, they still have some things saved locally. gojo happens in as they're having a meltdown and calms them down and tries to assess what happened to the laptop. and like. 

you feel like you can't breathe. the realization that you've lost hours upon hours of work weighs down on your chest. can you possibly do it all again with what time you have left before the presentation? 

no. 

it's not a question of whether you can or can't: you have to, if not for you, then everyone else in your group. they're depending on you; you can't let them down.

“hey.”

if you call out for your next couple of shifts and pull a couple all nighters, you might be able to redo everything.

“hey.”

it won't be pleasant, but you have to do what you have to do. you don't want everyone to worry, but you should at least let them know what's going on. the thought of messaging the group chat, though, fills you with dread. 

someone flicks your forehead and you let out small cry. “what the hell!”

gojo looks petulant as ever and you remember you have to deal with him too. could this get any worse? his finger presses against your forehead as he asks, “tell me what happened.”

“i told you. it stopped working.”

“be more specific.” 

you groan, “just…. the screen went black and I pressed the power button but it wouldn't turn back on but it sounds like it's on.” 

gojo hums and leans down over the table, pressing his ear to the laptop. he hums again and nods to himself. “i think I know what's going on.” 

“are you the laptop whisperer or something?” you ask flatly. 

“something like that,” he answers nonchalantly, flipping the lid closed and pulling out his phone. he starts typing on it one handed. “but I think most people call it being computer savvy.”

“are you saying you can fix it?”

he shoots you a cocky grin. “who do you think you're talking to?”

you ignore him. “well?”

he huffs. “i can't believe you're doubting me here.”

“gojo…”

“just trust me, everything will be fine!” he says and starts to pack up your laptop. you protest but he doesn't listen. “but we need to have the operation at my place.” 

you scowl. “gojo, i’m not—”

“you don't have to come if you mind leaving your laptop in my care,” he shoots you a saccharine sweet smile and your frown deepens. he knows that you won't just let him take your laptop with him. crafty bastard. 

“ugh, fine,” you relent. 

gojo snickers in satisfaction and starts to call someone as you gather the rest of your things. from what you can hear, it sounds like he's calling his driver. 

ten minutes later, gojo is ushering you into the sleek black car that he gets driven around in. you expect gojo to talk your ear off during the ride to his place, but he's oddly quiet and glued to his phone. you're curious, but you decide it's better to not ask. 

soon enough you're both dropped off at one of the tallest high rise apartments you've seen in your life. gojo casually taps his phone to a panel by the door and walks in with you scampering after.

you want to be surprised when you both ride the elevator to the top floor, but admittedly you're not. of course gojo has a penthouse apartment, why wouldn't he? not only that but it's wildly high tech— you can only imagine how much it must have cost… 

“you hungry?” gojo asks as you both enter his spacious living room area. “i can order something; anything you want— my treat.” 

the offer startles you, but reflexively you shake your head. “no, i’m fine. i—”

“sushi, then,” he decides with a nod. 

“wait, no, i—” you start to protest, but gojo is already fiddling with his phone. “gojo, really, it's fine, i’m not hungry.” 

“oh too late, i already ordered.”

you sigh as he flashes you a conspiratory grin. well, you suppose it wouldn't hurt to have some when it arrives. free dinner, maybe, you guess. “okay so, how do you intend to fix my laptop?” 

gojo tuts at you and wags his finger. “all will be revealed in good time.”

“tell me or i’m leaving,” you hiss, glaring. you don't have the time to humor him if it turns out he's just been fucking around this whole time. 

gojo pouts. “you're no fun.” 

“i can't fuck up this project; not with my group mates depending on me.” 

you don't mention the bet. honestly, at this point you don't care if you lose as long as you can salvage the project enough to make sure your group gets a decent grade. 

he sighs. “I know, I know.” 

“so tell me, what are you going to do.” 

gojo leans against the wall. “just a simple extraction. seems like the motherboard died, but the data on your hard drive should still be intact, so we're just going to extract it.”

“you can do that?”

“wouldn’t suggest it if I couldn't,” he says with a shrug. “just waiting for something i need to do it but it should arrive soon enough.” 

you stare at him, unsure of what to say. it's awfully nice of him to help you. especially when he could have just walked away, left you there with your broken computer and despair, and yet… “thank you gojo, really.”

for once in his life, gojo looks absolutely speechless, widened eyes peering over the top of his sunglasses. you blink. is it just you or do you see the faintest shade of pink dusting over the tips of his ears?

“well, while we wait, why don’t i give you the grand tour?” he asks and his voice is unnaturally loud, moreso than usual. 

“i don’t need a tour.”

“come on,” he insists, moving over toward you and circling around to grab you behind by the shoulders. “it’ll be fun! i never get to show off my place!” 

before you can protest, gojo starts propelling you around his penthouse. his voice is filled with a childlike excitement as he shows you every nook and cranny of the place. it’s sleek, modern, and ridiculously clean, just like how you would expect the home of any rich heir to a corporate conglomerate to look. however, as you move to room to room, you see little peeks of gojo’s personality shining through.

like the display of pictures next to his computer setup (three screens is kind of overkill in your opinion though).

the legitimately impressive sunglasses collection he has in his bedroom (you had always suspected he had something like this). 

the almost terrifying array of candy and sweets he has lining the cabinets of his kitchen. 

while he's rifling through a box of imported american snack cakes to show you, you notice a cup of dry erase markers next to the fridge which has a board affixed to it. the board is devoid of any writing or marks and you can't help but wonder if gojo has ever used it.

he wouldn't mind if you scribbled something on it real quick, would he?

“whatcha doin’?” he asks as you grab a black marker from the cup.

“defacing your personal property.”

“huh?!” he exclaims as you pop off the cap. “hey, wait a sec—”

you do not. before he can try to stop you, you start to doodle a cartoonish rendition of him. large round glasses, a stupid big grin and… well, you try to recreate his hair but it looks more like a soggy sea star with too many arms.

“what the hell is that?” he asks. “is that supposed to be me?”

“obviously.” 

he clicks his tongue. “i'm way more handsome.”

you roll your eyes. “are you?”

gojo hmphs and steps over toward you, grabbing a blue marker from the cup. “of course i am.” 

you roll your eyes as he starts his own drawing next to yours. at first you think he's just going to show you up with a better rendition of himself, but you quickly realize that it's not him he's drawing.

it's you. 

gojo is a much better artist than you are (it probably helps that he's not trying to scribble it really quickly like you are) and his doodle of you looks much better than your drawing of him. 

“so?” he asks when he's done. “what do you think?”

if you're being honest, it's actually really cute. embarrassingly cute. “i… i think you’re just trying to show off.”

“...well, i am quite skilled in more than just academics, you know,” he boasts earning him another eye roll. “it's okay if you don't want to say it looks good, we both know the truth.”

“...shut up.” 

he snickers. “if you're done drawing all over my fridge, then there's one more stop on satoru gojo’s grand house tour!” 

you tilt your head and he motions for you to follow him. he brings you to what you assume must be a big window with the curtain drawn, but with the press of a button the curtains slide back to reveal the balcony. gojo slides the door open and gestures for you to go outside first.

the air outside is a little chilly but it's not too bad. there's some furniture set up for lounging, but otherwise the balcony is rather bare save for…

“it's beautiful…” you murmur as you stare at the view of the tokyo skyline, the lights of the city sparkling brightly against the darkened sky. 

“right?” gojo chuckles and there is something about it that makes you turn back to look at him.

he's staring right at you. 

the soft smile gracing his features makes your mouth feel very, very dry for some reason and despite the fact that you desperately want to look away, you can't bring yourself to. the air between you both is an odd sort of quiet that has you feeling all sorts of nervous and you try to think of something to say to feel that almost awkward void.

luckily for you, the doorbell rings just in time to save you. 

gojo’s head whips around suddenly and you think you see the ghost of a frown before he scampers toward the front door. you trail after, watching as he throws it open to reveal a handsome, but tired looking young man. you recognize him from some of the pictures gojo had by his desk; they must be friends. 

“satoru, isn't there someone who you personally pay to run your errands?” the other guy asks as he enters and you notice he's carrying a bunch of bags. “why ask me?” 

gojo tilts his head innocently. “why not?”

his friend sighs. 

“sooo, did you get it?” gojo asks as his friend hefts the bags onto the counter. 

the other guy looks at gojo like he's an idiot. “of course i did.”

gojo beams widely. “knew i could count on you suguru!”

said suguru rolls his eyes again before turning his attention to you. there's a curious spark in his eyes as he offers you a pleasant smile “i don't believe we’ve met before…”

“i’m gojo’s classmate,” you say before giving him your name. 

“ah yes, satoru speaks of you often,” he remarks. “i'm suguru geto, it's a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“um, same to you, i guess.” you're not quite sure what to do with the information that gojo's been talking about you to other people. you can't imagine he's said anything good.

so after reader and suguru introduce themselves to one another they either have a short convo where suguru roasts gojo (as is his right) or gojo interrupts before he can and they eat the sushi that gojo made suguru pick up (the sushi place is actually a small little shop, not anywhere really fancy, which reader notices immediately— maybe it’s somewhere gojo dragged reader to previously, but he’s a regular so they gave him extras lmao). 

gojo doesn’t actually eat though, because he’s too busy extracting reader’s hard drive from their laptop and when reader mentions he’s not eating, gojo tells reader they can hand feed them. reader refuses. lmaooo. it doesn’t take super long for gojo to complete the surgery and when he’s done he drags reader to his massive computer set up and plugs the hard drive (which has been converted into an external hard drive and it works!! and—

you hold your breath as gojo mouses over to the file folders to open the hard drive. as he does, some measure of relief eases into you as you see the familiar names of your folders and documents. 

but you can't breathe easy just yet. "which one is it?" gojo asks. "this one?" he hovers over a file that has the class name along with the words 'group project.' you nod and he opens it.  ordinarily, you'd be a little defensive about letting gojo see your project, but given the circumstances, you don't think you can afford to be. he scrolls down to the bottom and you can tell that the file isn't exactly up to date. it's missing about a page's worth of information you'd typed up.  but that's probably about fifteen minutes of work at most, much better than what you'd thought you'd lost.  the relief consumes you completely and before you can even really realize what you're doing, you're throwing your arms around gojo's shoulders wrapping him into hug. "oh thank god..." you murmur into the fabric of his shirt.   "...didn't think you thought that highly of me," he murmurs with a chuckle. immediately, you jump back. embarrassed, you clear your throat. "i don't, but you can have a pass this time around." "no, no i think you should keep showering me with praise." you roll your eyes and gojo rises from his chair, stretching. then he turns to you, with a familiar grin that makes your stomach do a flip. you don't think you're going to like what he has to say next. "so, what now?" you blink. oh maybe that wasn't so bad. "your laptop's shot, y'know." right. you grimace. you still have to finish your project. and you need a computer to do that. unfortunately, you don't own a desktop and you don't exactly have the cash to drop on a new laptop. "um, well..." you could use the computers at the school library, but it's way too late to go there now. "if you ask nicely, i'll lend you one of my laptops." "no thanks," you answer automatically. 'one of his laptops?' must be nice being rich. why would he need more than one anyway? "...i can just go to a net cafe." "a net cafe?" gojo exclaims in disbelief. "yeah, they're open all night and if i need to sleep there i can." he grimaces. "no, absolutely not." "it's not your choice," you say flatly. "i mean, wouldn't it be easier... and cheaper to just take one of my laptops?" he's got a point, but. "it's fine, you've helped me enough. i'd feel bad if something happened to one of your laptops." you doubt your luck is that bad. it's not like gojo couldn't replace it in a blink in an eye, but still. "then i can just give it to you, problem solved.' you almost choke. "absolutely not!" 

after some back and forth, gojo (with suguru’s help) convinces reader to not go to the net cafe, but reader refuses to take home one of gojo’s laptops sO THEY END UP sitting at the coffee table in his living room to work on their project. to reader’s surprise, he actually lets them work in peace (instead he annoys suguru). though at some point reader dozes off and when they wake up… they are in gojo’s bed. they freak out but it’s only them in the bed and when they leave the bedroom they find gojo snoring on the couch. Suguru, who also stayed the night, and is awake making coffee tells them that gojo carried to them to the bed and decided to sleep on the couch (suguru also slept on the couch it’s a big couch). he makes some kinda cryptic comment before he leaves and reader is just like ????? but shrugs it off as gojo’s bestie also being a weirdo and they try to thank gojo by making him breakfast but the freak doesn’t actually have anything to make breakfast with it so they just work on their project til he wakes up. 

when he does wake up reader does mention wanting to thank him by making him breakfast and he gets stupid excited and tries to drag reader off to the store to get stuff but reader is in the middle of some project stuff and, without thinking tells him to take an iou. and he gets weirdly serious about it, asking if they’ll really do it later and, reader’s like ‘um yes? why are you getting weird about this?’ and he just gives some non answer and doesn’t say THAT HE WANTS READER TO MAKE HIM BREAKFAST because like atp he is very down bad about reader (he and suguru actually were talking about this when reader was working on the project the night before). 

anyway, project presentation time and reader is a bit nervous and so is the rest of the group, but reader is confident that they will do well. and everyone in the group is like yeah, and then uh, gojo’s group waltzes in, oozing confidence and gojo is fucking dressed to the nines, in a suit and tie and his hair styled and reader’s like ‘fuck he’s hot wait what.’ and he comes over and and in his attempt at a rizzed up moment wishes reader’s group luck. one of the girls in reader’s group makes a super funny comment and reader is like ‘shut up.’

both groups do well and after the presentations are done, gojo drags his group and reader’s group to yakiniku or something that’s on him and everyone goes and. everyone but gojo and reader get drunk and gojo and they talk about the project and they both concede that the other did good and they actually aren’t sure who won. 

turns out they both scored the same lmao. so no one wins. reader takes it as a loss but gojo is pretty pleased and suggests that since it was a tie he’ll do something that reader wants if reader is willing to do something he wants and reader is just like ‘ugh fine whatever.’ so gojo asks what they want first and reader’s just like ‘i don’t really want anything i just wanted to beat you once.’ and gojo’s like ‘oh well… i’ll take an iou on a favor then’ and reader’s like ‘okay fine so what do you want?’

"well," gojo drawls, thoughtfully. "i gave it a lot of thought and at first i was thinking i'd ask for us to call it a truce and just be friends. but that's kinda boring, don't you think?" boring isn't quite how you'd put it.  "so i was thinking that instead, you could go on a date with me instead," he proclaims with a big grin. "that's fair don't you think?"

your eyes nearly pop out of your head. a date? he can't be serious.

"i'd pay for everything still, of course, can't risk the date going badly, you know." you scowl. "are you saying that i'd screw up a date just because i can't afford to go whatever fancy restaurants a rich guy like you is accustomed to?" he shoots you a mischevious grin. "well, no i didn't quite say that... but if you'd like to prove me wrong..." "fine!" you hiss. "i'll show you! it'd be the best date you've ever been on!" his smile eases into something, a little more gentle, a little more fond. "i'd love to see you try." 

(spoiler alert: he didn't want the date to go badly because he wants to actually date you but you'll find that out soon enough lmao).

[jeannereames]

Do you see memes and shitposts about Alexander and his time? If yes, do you like them, you hate them? Would you change something about these memes?

I’m sorry. I’m just really curious about what a professor thinks about this. Do you perhaps have a favorite Alexander meme?

Well, for me there’s a big difference between memes and shitposts. The former can be rather entertaining, the latter are just trolling. Don’t feed the trolls. I realize I’m perhaps defining shitposting more narrowly than some, but there’s enough of the narrow sort out there I don’t want to confuse it with memes.

Meme are great. I have two favorites, although not about Alexander, ironically. I’ve shared them below. Both show up in my class Power-points, btw! Many of my colleagues also enjoy clever memes. My buddy Borja Antela was trying to collect some on Alexander last year. For a while, I followed Alexandergoatmemes on Instagram, but finally left because about 85/90% of them seemed to be about Alexander naming cities after himself. Sure, it’s funny maybe the first 20 times, but at 100+?

So memes are great. Shitposting and ignorant-posting, however, are annoying.

I’m deliberately creating that third category. Shitposters know they’re posting shit; ignorant-posters (usually) don’t. The latter put up videos, tweets, or blog entries about (in this case) Alexander that perpetuate a lie, a false quote, or an oversimplified-and-mostly-wrong factoid. Some ignorant-posters are just reposting what they heard because they don’t know any better and may receive correction well enough—especially if offered politely. Yet others get upset (sometimes disproportionately so) when their errors or distortions are pointed out.

This can be about controversial matters, such as Alexander’s putative “sexuality” or it can be something surprising. I once had a fellow fly off the handle when he posted that Alexander was left-handed and I (gently) corrected him.* You’d have thought I’d called his mother a whore. It seemed quite silly…except that left-handedness used to be considered a Very Bad Thing. So being able to claim famous people as lefties was apparently more for him than just leftie pride.

Aside from oddities, most of the ignorant-posting I’ve seen comes in three main types.

First, we have the religious/spiritual/life-coach sorts who usurp Alexander for a moral lesson—not unlike the orators of the (Roman-era) Second Sophistic, or both Muslims and Christians in some of the Alexander Romances. Alexander has ALWAYS been a malleable figure for lecturing. Ergo, he pops up in homilies/sermons as a parable, like his supposed Last Three Wishes. It is, of course, total bullshit, but there’s quite a lot of stuff like it out there. People read it, go “Aww,” and reblog without bothering to check if it’s correct. It has “the authority of hearsay.” These can be either Alexander-positive or Alexander-negative parables, btw.

See also: quotes attributed to famous celebrities that they never, in fact, said. Alexander gets these too. The ¡Inspirational! “Army of Sheep Led by a Lion” is especially egregious, as it’s a general proverb that appeared well after Alexander (no, he didn’t say it). It seems to be currently popular, along with, “There is nothing impossible to him who will try” (also not ATG). Yet these make great quotes for those damn “Inspirational Posters.” Here’s a whole page of them, lion quote right at the top, suitable for a Power-point!...with no attempt to verify their authenticity or say where they got them. But the image with the quote below is especially funny as they even put a date on their fictional quote. If it has a date, it must be true! Netflix, btw, used that bloody quote even though I told them not to; it was fake. Didn’t matter.

Second, we have the alt-right/white supremacist groups, or hangers-on who might reject the label (coyly or not) but embrace much of its Eurocentric thinking. These folks present Alexander as spreading good [white] Western values to the poor benighted East [brown people]. It’s essentially warmed-over Plutarch with a dash of Curtius and some Arrian. Their Alexander even sometimes has longish flowing (blond) locks and is oddly tall.** Like Thor. I stay the hell away from them but have occasionally stumbled over them on Tik-Tok.

Anyway, the alt-right crowd may have read some about Alexander, written by other alt-right guys who take material from a carefully curated set of “accepted” histories: Arrian and Plutarch, and not just Plutarch’s Life of Alexander, but his double-essay from the Moralia, “On the Fate or Fortune of Alexander.” They tend to be war/conquest-approving and see the Greco-Roman past as some pure Aryan utopia from which we’ve fallen into our “wretched age of iron.”*** Of late, a lot of their associated images are AI generated, btw. A couple examples below.

Last, and on the opposite end of the spectrum are the Alexander-was-Queer-AND-Wonderful, and oh, boy, some of them also don’t want a single bad thing said about their hero. They may know relatively little about his life aside from his putative gayness, but are just as resistant to/resentful of being corrected in their errors and romantic oversimplifications.

And that is what all of these categories share: oversimplification for the sake of a particular social and/or political agenda.****

Isn’t it, then, also shitposting? No. Because shitposters intend to stir the pot. They may or may not believe what they say, but they’re saying it TO get a reaction. Like the Tweet Heard Round the Alexander-verse after the Netflix thing (below). THAT was a shitpost. His entire goal was to go viral, and he succeeded.

By contrast, ignorant-posters usually aim for a particular audience and rarely expect to go viral outside their circle. Nor do they expect to be corrected. When they are, they react with surprise and anger. (Again, there are exceptions.)

I tend to observe these things, but rarely engage—although I did engage more when I was a young grad student. Now if I reply, it’s general (as here), not to the original post/tweet itself. TBH, I have books and articles to write, classes to teach, and papers to grade. 😉 I don’t have time for flamewars.

-----------------------

* Yes, I made Alexander left-handed in Dancing with the Lion, partly for the hell of it. But there’s zero evidence one way or the other—which I point out in my Author’s Note at the end of book 2, Rise.

** BTW, there’s a Whole Thing out there online about Alexander as tall, even Super Tall, claiming evidence which they don’t actually cite (correctly). Note the “many stories suggest….” Oh, really? These are? Anyway, I don’t think the author of that blog entry is alt-right—which is why I put it as a footnote—but dig the wacko AI white-haired Nordic Alexander at the top! And I’m still chuckling at a 7-foot-tall Alexander. Good Lord, how tall would that make Hephaistion?

*** Yeah, that’s a little bow to Hesiod’s theory of the Ages of Man.

**** Note that I didn’t include Greek Nationalists. While some of them also swing right (Golden Dawn, Front Line, National Reform Party, etc.), many are more moderate. Alexander is a Greek hero, and if what’s presented about him by some is also oversimplified to fit a national narrative, it doesn’t spring from ignorance so much as deliberate choice and what they learned in school/at home. Think about what the average (white) American knows about George Washington or Thomas Jefferson, or for that matter, the average native person about Tecumseh or Crazy Horse.

[andysdrafts]

OK, so second try because Tumblr apparently hates me (get in line fr)

imma rant about characters, yes in plural because you asked and I don't know when to stop yapping

BTW, this is an answer to @queenpiranhadon because Tumblr erased the ask when I tried to post the first attempt 😒

(Also, I'm sorry if there's any grammar mistakes in here, English isn't my first language)

First and foremost, Portgas D. Ace, my boy, there will never be a day when I don't think about him and cry my soul out. Ace is a character that was doomed from the start, he never had a chance to a normal life, never. He was doomed and tied by the actions of other people and forced to live with them as if they were his own. He was persecuted before he was even born. He was a victim of the circumstances he was brought in. Garp took him in only to leave him with a group of bandits who later on threw him to the forest to learn to fend for himself. Ace only knew how to fight, kick and scowl until the age of ten, completely isolated with only the figure of an absent grandpa and a group of bandits that, while not exactly violent, were still bandits.

Now, I'm not saying Garp or Dadan and the bandits didn't love Ace, because they did, but not in the way Ace needed to be loved. Ace was a troubled boy, it ran in his veins and the hatred and anger came to him as natural as breathing. He hated himself for being born, hated his existence and it rot away his soul, even as a child. He met Luffy and Sabo, and while the other two didn't make all of his problems go away, they did help Ace soften up and understand that not everything shall be felt through violence and bloody hands. He still hated himself, but he learned how to socialise to some extent and felt care for others, even if he didn't feel himself cared for or worthy of said affection.

Then Sabo died, and Ace HAD to understand that he couldn't exactly be rude, not to the people he cared about, so he softened a bit more as he officially took on the role of big brother to Luffy, no longer seeing him as a complete nuisance but as someone he wanted to protect and care for, hence why he went down to town when Luffy got injured to look (steal) medicine. Both of them grew up and Ace set sail to the Ocean searching for his own adventure, something that he could call HIS rather than something that would keep him tied to his father and the damned blood he hated. He wanted to be himself, desperate to be out of the shadow of Roger, something that would make him forget, even for a moment, that he was such a hated person across the world. He met Whitebeard and the Whitebeard pirates, and he found himself a home, a home where he was loved, cared for and appreciated no matter what he did or who he was. He found a real father in Whitebeard, someone who did not care how many times Ace retaliated and fought, someone who loved Ace the way Ace needed to be loved. And that same love sent Ace back to the dark place he came from.

He loved Whitebeard as his own father, and he couldn't tolerate the disrespect or disloyalty towards him because he felt like he owned something in exchange for being loved. He was always self sabotaging himself, with his hatred for himself and the situation he was in, the people who hated him, the whole world. He was never taught how to keep something good of his, and it's no surprise to me he relapsed into his own, personal pit of misery. He lived his life thinking he wasn't worth more than dirt due to who he came from, that he wasn't loved and even if he was, he still owed something in return for his cursed existence. I don't think he regrets dying in favour of saving Luffy, because he loved Luffy with his whole existence, what he did regret was never noticing how much he was loved and cared for until he died. That he had to die for him to see that he was appreciated and that he would be missed if he suddenly disappeared, that someone cared enough for him to go and declare war just to have him back, to have him safe.

Ace never stood a chance at having something good of his own, a normal life, because all he ever knew until his death was violence and his own self hatred that was engraved in his brain and clung to him like a second skin. Because he wasn't just made to show Luffy he wasn't ready for the hardships of the New World, but also to show dehumanising we can be with ourselves, and how more often than not we sabotage ourselves until we can't anymore, until we reach our ends and until no one can actually save us. No matter how much one person is loved, it won't matter in the end if said person can't see the love for them.

Second: Sanemi Shinazugawa. I've had the biggest obsession with this man and the longer I think of him the more I pick up on how traumatised he is. Again, another child victim of the circumstances he was raised and brought in. His father an abuser and his mother a lovely woman who loved her children over everything. Both of them left something to Sanemi before they passed, Shizu the love for his family, the immense heart the boy has even if he keeps it under wraps and Kyogo the rage, anger and hatred. Both of them coexist within Sanemi, clashing with the other and yet, complementing the other like a puzzle.

I always found it interesting because Sanemi has equal parts of both love and hatred to give, the same amount, like he's fifty-fifty. Growing up in an abusive home, whether it's emotional, physical or mental, destroys in hundreds of ways. Not only did Sanemi have to see his younger siblings and mother getting punched, kicked, or pushed around in ways that most definitely left bruises, but also, he most likely endured it as well. I have absolutely no doubt that he, in countless times just like his mom, put himself in the way of his father. I know my boy would've rather a zillion times be in the end of his father's anger than have any of his younger siblings or mother to get the harsh treatment.

He grew up with anger, and desperation later on when Kyogo died and Shizu had to work day and night without sleep, hence why he self imposed the role of the sole provider for the family and TRIED. He was the oldest son, and there's no way you can't tell me he didn't feel responsible for both his mom and younger siblings, because in reality, being in situations like that make you worried sick. The money sometimes isn't enough and Sanemi was painfully aware of that. So he took it upon himself to be the best caretaker and protector his family could have.

But then Shizu was turned against her will and killed her children, permanently scarring both Genya and Sanemi physically, mentally and emotionally. And none of them understood what actually happened until later on, which makes the guilt even worse for both of them. Genya called him a murderer without knowing Sanemi was trying to protect him and Sanemi killed his own mother because he couldn't protect her, and by defect, he couldn't protect his younger siblings either. It was so traumatising he lost the ability to see colours. So he pushed away Genya, now filled with anger, regret and guilt, over not being able to protect and care for his family like he said he would. I personally think that, before he joined the Corps, when he started killing demons on his own, it was a projection of his guilt, trying to make up for what he couldn't do for his family, which in the end may have hurt him more because he saved countless of people, but the nagging thought at the back of his head was still there, he didn't saved his family, he could do it for others but not for those he cared for.

Then he joined the Corps, met Masachika and lost him too. And it hurt, because the guilt and the anger just kept growing inside him, why couldn't he save the people he cared for? The feeling of inadequacy must've made him company for a while, at least for some time, but that only served as fuel for his rage, like a flame thrown into a puddle of gasoline.

And he tried so hard and desperately to keep Genya away, keep him safe because he didn't want his younger brother, his only family, to dig an early grave and die, in what could be a painful and gorey death.

Did he do it in the worst way he could've possibly done? Yes. Sanemi had the purest intentions towards Genya, but he didn't know how to properly put them in action. So he pushed and pushed and pushed, but a cord that is tensed too much always ends up breaking, and so, when Genya died, all of Sanemi's efforts seemed futile. Plus, the realisation that he had messed up, that he could've gone and treated the situation with more delicacy, without violence and maybe, just maybe, Genya would be alive, thriving and he would've kept a good relationship with his younger brother.

The realisation of what he had done hit him like a thousand bricks and after the damage was done, only adding to the burden in his heart. He didn't have a body to bury, only Genya's belongings, but it still was an empty grave. And it hurt, knowing things could've been different if only he had taken a different route.

Third: Nico Robin. Now, my beautiful queen also broke my soul until I cried and begged for a stop. Robin is also a child born and moulded by yet again, the decision of third parties that ended up affecting the environment where she grew up.

Her mother, an archeologist with big dreams that left her in the care of close relatives, but it ended up backfiring because even if Robin's aunt wasn´t physically abusive, she was still neglectful with Robin's emotional needs and proper love and care.

However, Robin did had a glimpse of what actual happiness and acceptance was with the other archaeologists in Ohara, which is why her story is even more heartbreaking to me, because even if Robin faced hardships like the lack of a proper mother figure and proper care from the people that were supposed to lover, she found a home in the other archeologists in the island, she was happy in her own little way even with the other cons in her situation. And meeting Jaguar D. Saul only heightened her happiness, like when he taught her how to laugh despite the harshness of the situation.

But every good thing Robin had was snatched away from her in the blink of an eye.

She had to witness a genocide, deal with the guilt of being the only one alive, fight for her life and get used to the violent environment she had been thrown into, while being alone, knowing everyone was against her. She had to learn how to defend herself, learn how to be selfish and understand that, one wrong move and she'll have a blade against her neck. She understood it very quickly, it was either she was killed or she killed. She was constantly walking on eggshells, covering her back and faking personalities one after another to survive, barely doing so while she tried to reach her dream, desperately so.

Eventually, she gave up on her own life, almost throwing away her dream before she was saved. The Strawhats for Robin were salvation, like a warm blanket in the freezing winter, but she didn't feel worthy of it and tried to distance herself from them to protect them.

Robin is very similar to Ace, both are prone to self sabotaging tendencies and full of hatred or despair in their souls, both of them understanding that they were loved until the very end. The difference is, Robin got the chance to cling to it, Ace didn't. They're parallels, only differentiating from the other because one DID got the message in time. It's the line between who gets saved from the dark hole you were found in in time.

Robin understood the value of her life in time, just enough for her to be able to turn back and decide that she wanted to live, that living was something worthy.

Fourth: Bakugou Katsuki. Now, Katsuki is my biggest hear me out ever. The first time I watched MHA, I couldn't stand him at all. He was the reason I stopped reading the Manga and why I stopped watching the anime. I couldn't even fathom the idea of having to see him even for a second.

But he fooled me, like he fooled everyone else around him and some other readers. The second time I watched MHA because it bugged me leaving it midway, I noticed he's a complex character in reality.

His reasonings weren't petty anymore and suddenly, he gained that something that just caught my eye, and I just found myself analysing every single little thing he did or said. To the first interactions he had with Izuku when they were children, his start at U.A, his reactions, everything. And I noticed it, he's the most fucking complex character I've ever seen or read of.

The more I knew, the more I liked him, because he was incredibly real and relatable. Katsuki is a character you either hate it or love it, it's everything or nothing, and to understand him, you HAVE to pay attention to even the minor detail because you blink and you miss what he actually meant or wanted.

I was having a field day the more I watched him, truly. Katsuki is intense, in every sense of the word, he goes all out or he doesn't do it, because he doesn't conform to the rules of society or what is expected of him. He follows his own rules and his own expectations.

Step by step he built himself into what he wanted to be, with a certain image of himself that he had according to the people he had grown up with and how they treated him.

But all that image was thrown down the drain the moment he steps into U.A, because not only is Izuku there, who he thought was less, but also, he realises, he might not be the best of the best as he had believed all his life to that point. It hit him like a truck, like cold water falling on you out of nowhere.

And it hurt him, it was gut wrenching to him, it destroyed him from the very inside of his soul and left a bitter taste in his tongue, to the point he was having an anxiety attack during class after Momo pointed out what he did wrong during the bomb exercise.

He acts like he is the best, and believes it to some point, and yet, at the same time, he doesn't feel worthy and enough.

It's complex and raw because it's relatable. It's real because he makes mistake after mistake, he's crude and brash and his personality sucks to some extent the longer he interacts with classmates, teachers and people.

Everything in his screams intensity, to his thoughts, to his words and even the way he stands. And his character development is MASSIVE.

It may not look like it, but, for people who are like him, baby steps feel like a cool breeze after being in a sauna. He didn't show it, but he was drowning in his own mind and feelings after All Might's retirement.

It surprised me, took me by surprise the way he was crying in the episode where he fights Izuku. It was overwhelming to me, he was overwhelmed himself, and the way he portrays his emotions in that moment, how he lets them out and shows a part of himself that he doesn't show, his vulnerable side, the real thoughts and emotions he had inside of him, it was beautiful.

Beautiful because you know he was actually human, that he actually understood that he was wrong, that he had been making mistakes by pushing everyone around and how, just like everyone else, he tended to overthink.

And while acknowledgment seems stupid and shallow to some, acknowledgment is the biggest step a person can make to be better, to admit you're or have been an awful person, but you acknowledge it to move forward and make a change.

And he changed! Little by little, you can see and notice how he starts becoming a better version of himself. And while he keeps that part of himself that makes him him, he also starts to show a part of that raw, soft personality he had inside him, hidden deep in his soul under wraps.

It's amazing watching him change and grow, to the point his looks even turn softer, more smother, less harsh and more accessible.

Katsuki is real because we all make mistakes, and he shows that we can always start over, apologise and change. Because even if he couldn't change the past, as much as he wanted to, he wants to make the future better, he wants to be better. He puts in the effort, it's constant and he tries hard.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, I'll proceed to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the month 😩

[love-is-a-pearl]

Alright, I will be honest:

I don't like Black&White saga cause it feels like flopoed retcon/reboot of pokeanime. Like, in the beginning it cut ties to previous sagas and regions. Like, after whole THE BUILD UP in Sinnoh, it felt like Ash got robbed. Also doesn't help that in beginning they isolated Unova pokemon from previous generations. And the thing is, is that 5 gen pokemon design already stylistically different from previous ones: more round, simplified.

Also, it didn't help that relationship with rivals are less close and tense than in Diamond&Pearl. Like, all other characters beside main trio feels shallow and caricatures. In Sinnoh, both Ash and Dawn learned something from their rivals, Paul and Zoe were REALLY IMPACTFUL to them. But when we compare Iris and Dragon huntress (yes, I don't even remember her name)... That's basic. Like, Iris's rival surved as plot tool few times at best.

But second part of saga is better (*cough - cough * cause Cynthia and Dawn came back *cough- cough*) : old pokemon are back, we see mythical pokemon in action. Also, I enjoyed Decolora arc!

Good points of BW:

I like Cylan and Iris. For Iris in particular... She feels like Misty's other version, but in a good way. I also like her story arcs with her team, like damn, homegirl got her own Suicide squad in pokeworld 😂.

Also, there's Team R... One one hand, it's was hard for me to see them drop comedy tone. On another hand, they demonstrated us how much dangerous they can be! Like, they got their business! Our trio was more menacing than whole Team Plazma, honestly 😅.

All in all, my main issue is that Black and White drop most of connections with Diamond and Pearl. Like, transition was too DRASTIC. But I do understand, that there ate people who adores 5 gen. I mean, I heard that 5 gen games was top tier. It's just, unfortunately, I stsrted to dwell into pokemon games since 6 gen, so I was unable to even play Black and White. Maybe in that case I watched anime in different context.

Also, I really like movies in that saga! Like Keldeo and Mewtwo (or Newtwo ( if you know you know)) put everything in their movies, and Victini's one with TWO DIFFERENT VERSIONS was low-key something in cinematic universe level.

... That was looong ask, but I really need that out of my chest 😅

Nah, dont worry, go and vent its the first step to overcoming trauma lol I joke but seriously, if everyone sat down to understand what they dislike and like about a season like that, things would be so much simpler :v

BW is totally an attempt to a soft reboot! But there's one thing I feel folks often forget: The games themselves were that too!!

The lack of pokemon pre gen 5 was something that came from the games, as unova was the first region outside of Japan. Pokemon company was trying to start anew from all sides and that ended up affecting the anime the most because for some reason, it was decided that they would star anew, but keep a familiar face in Ash.

And then we have the fact that the BW games got a sequel immediately after, Black and White 2, and the story on those was directly connected to the first games, showcasing an Unova 2 years after BW1 (highly reccomend them btw, some of the best overarching story in pokemon games ever)

And like, the anime started with the narrator just saying Ash was still 10!! Someone surely made that a rule in the background, so how could they tell the story of a Unova 2 years later with a main character that just couldn't age?

So the writers just had to do their own thing. And probably made up so much of it halfway and also explain why they just scrapped so many characters of the day post league. They just wanted some time for people to forget the first half of BW to try and implement things from BW2.

And that's the thing, this issue is not from BW only. We know for a fact that there were plans for Ash to leave the anime during Johto, but they couldn't just say goodbye to him, so he stayed. Black and White was just the culmination of that decision. And I feel like hating on it alone is just… not aknowledging that pokeani is flawed from the get-go yknow?

What made BW that weird is what made Ash and Serena and the Kalos loss weird, what made journeys weird and what made 2beamaster miniseries that FUCKING WEIRD.

BUT GOSH TRIO!! Now the way those 3 were handled in the season is one thing I can't excuse lmao

People love to talk how out of character Ash acts this season, even though is not even that OOC when compared to pre DP, but TR were the ones that felt like complete different characters! And while I enjoy the whiplash of Ash gang doing silly things overlapped with very serious evil dutiestm, I feel like that that was a bad decision throught and throught. I get that at first they wanted a Team Rocket vs Team Plasma situation, but doing that with the TRio is just so weird.

HELL YEAH, I LOVE THE NEWTWO MOVIE! It makes no sense but gosh Mewtwo2 and genesect's relationship is just so ADORABLE i love them so much. Is those kind of stuff that makes me sad about BW, folks see a mewtwo that is not the main one and they dont give it a shot, but is such a heartwarming story in the end.

[kumezyzo]

i talked about this very breifly in this post about meeting bf!sap for the first time but i really wanted to build on it. streamer!reader would be one of the very first people to meet dream irl and actually see his face. and this is all because of ✨️bf!sapnap✨️

ive given up on calling him sapnap during narritives cause it sounds strange. same thing for dream cause hes in this btw.

anyway, enjoy!... or dont :) m.list

bf!sapnap who picks you up from the airport.

you walk through the airport, trying to not psych yourself out too much. but its finally happening. youre finally going to be able to see your crush, now boyfriend... in person since youve started dating.

the sound of your suitcase is almost deafening as you leave baggage claim and make your way towards the exit. you pull out your camera and silently start recording.

you stay as silent as possible as its late at night, few people are scattered around but your excitement radiates loudly.

you look into the camera and give it a nervous excited smile before holding it at a lower angle in an attempt to hide it.

as you approach the exit, you see nick walking through the sliding doors. you subconsciously break out into a smile and turn the camera to catch his walking towards you with a similar grin.

you turn it back on you as you pick up the pace and suddenly colide with him, letting go of your suitcase and wrapping your arms around him tightly.

finally being in his arms was something you never expected to be so comforting. a feeling of warmth took over your entire body just being in his arms and knowing youre finally with him.

you two pulled away enought ot look at eachother. you both smiled as you looked into eachothers eyes.

"hi!" nick whispered with a goofy smile.

"hi," you say glancing down at his lips for second. it was almost too much being so close to him, you subconsciously looked away and reached for your suitcase.

bf!sapnap who drives you to their (dteam)house.

before he even pulls out of the airport, you two are screaming songs at the top of your lungs. the comfort you both had with eachother right from the beginning was refreshing to see.

as youre driving down the highway, confidently singing lyrics into your phone like its a microphone, nick takes a moment to watch you. an endearing smile on his face whilst you serande the camera on the dashboard.

it takes you a second to realize and when you do, you look at him with a confused smile.

"what?" you ask, pausing the music and glancing at the camera before turning to him.

"nothing," he said, turning on the turn signal and merging lanes. he looked over at you and giggled at the way you playfully narrowed your eyes at him.

bf!sapnap who leads you into the house and prepares you for the first time you see dreams face.

"i think you should just sit on the couch," nick tells you, holding your camera. you smile nervously into the lense and sit back on the comfortable cushion.

"are you gonna get him down here? do you want me to close my eyes yet?" you ask, trying to gauge how this would go.

"yea, I'll bring him down and tell you when to close your eyes," he says looking over to the stairs.

"okay, perfect," you nod.

he makes his way up the stairs and you look around silently, hearing indistinct voices. you look at the christmas tree and smile at the idea of not only finally getting to spend time with nick, but during the holidays.

"okay, yn, close your eyes," nick calls out from the top of the stairs.

"oh my god," you said nervously and cover your eyes with your hands. "shit this is actually happening?"

"why are you nervous?" dream asks with a laugh, both of their footsteps getting closer to you.

"what if i just never open my eyes. every time youre in the room, i just cover my hands," you joke, eliciting a laugh from the other two. "no, just tell me when."

"shit, give me a second," clay says, his voice sounding closer to you.

"wait are you in front of me?"

"yea, im right here." he told you, the smile audible in his voice.

"fuck... okay..." you take a deep breath.

"okay... open?"

you take another deep breath and remove your hands from your eyes. you look up and stare at him with a shocked smile.he looks at you with an awkward expecting smile.

"thats not what i imagined you to look like," you said looking between nick and clay with wide eyes.

"is that a good thing?"

"yes, dont worry! wait, can i hug you?" you ask standing up. clay laughed and wrapped his arms around you. "this doesnt feel real."

bf!sapnap who carries suitcase up to his room and asks you to cuddle with him.

"thank you for inviting me," you tell him, your head resting on his chest as you look around his room.

"of course... i mean, i really wanted to see you..." he told you nervously.

"it feels weird finally being here, you know?"

"yea, it actually feels like we're dating now," he smiles down at you.

"does this officially make you my boyfriend?" you ask him teasingly. you prop your chin up on his chest and smile at him.

"i dont know, baby. you tell me," he said, holding back a smile unsuccessfully. once again, your eyes glance down at his lips.

"oh, 'baby'? thats very bold of you sir," you said, readjusting yourself higher to get closer to his face.

"'sir'? maybe youre the bold one," he said, wrapping his arms around you, both of his hands resting on your waist.

"maybe..." you said, your voice barely above a whisper. you caught the way he glanced down at your lips, causing your heart to flutter.

you realized how close your faces had gotten when he let out a breath that fanned out across your face.

neither of you know who leaned in first but you were now sharing a soft kiss. both of your lips softly meeting.

the shyness of your early relationship shinning through the way your lips danced around eachothers carefully.

when you pulled away, he grinned widely at you, his eyes sleepy and hooded. you felt your face heat up and hid in the crook of his neck. he giggled at the feeling as his face slowly turned bright red.

this one might suck i dont really care. it was fun to write. and thats all that matters 😌 -Nony

[isagrimorie]

I know many people have a problem with Sabine's second major use of the Force. I already gave my thoughts in this post about Sabine's use of the Force in the season finale.

("For someone else, for someone she loves, Sabine can do the impossible." | "It's about belief and faith.")

It was about her belief and need to use the Force at the moment she needed it and the mental and emotional state she was in that she was ready to remove her block from the Force.

In an ideal scenario, I would love 16 episodes for this to play out, and maybe even up to season 2 before Sabine manifests more of her Force abilities, but truncated time and the Mandoverse's need to move story along took precedence.

But also, IMO, Sabine doesn't display anything that can be considered above the average for a standard Jedi.

In the animation, it doesn't really sell how grand and how far the distances are. The feats of Jedi crossing this distance in animation vs how it is in real life -- the scale of the Star Destroyer vs a humanoid being. The impossible distance.

Ezra is watching his only chance back home, and Sabine is watching the only chance she has in getting Ezra back home.

In fact, Sabine has stepped a few steps forward:

As if she couldn't bear the idea, she has failed Ezra. Ezra admits he can't make the jump, and Sabine's face has hardened into this:

Because she's made her decision.

She just got the hang of the Force but for this, for Ezra, she will get him across.

At this moment, Sabine's never more certain she understood the phrase: "Do or do not, there is no try."

If there is one thing that's been clear in this series, Sabine's singular focus, her mission above all else, was to find Ezra and bring him back home. Sabine would prefer they all made it home, but beggars can't be choosers.

Ezra propels himself forward in a Force-powered leap and even with the Force-powered jump, he's still far away from the Star Destroyer:

Just as Ezra's about to plummet to his death, Sabine summons all the Force she can summon at her level of skill and propels him the last few meters.

BTW, as a sound design thing, this loud rumble was also there when Sabine first attempted to Force-push Shin in episode 4, The Fallen Jedi. This means Sabine did access the Force a bit in that moment. Its just at that moment -- it was still pretty weak, it was weaker than a slap.

Sabine looks pretty terrified, mixed with hope that she's finally doing it but also terrified she might kill Ezra, but she's not letting that fear get her. She has a job to do.

And then, hilariously (to me), Sabine almost fails because her Force push can only reach so far, and Ezra falls short of the target.

And there's a brief horrified look on Sabine's face as she realizes she couldn't push Ezra that far. He wouldn't reach the Chimera.

It's a good thing Ezra himself has the Force, and he simply used the Force to pull himself nearer to the ship:

And he's just dangling there just a little off-screen before he jumps inside the Chimera and kills one of the Night Troopers.

Also if you look to the right, you can see Baylan and Shin's ship where Ezra might have stayed during the duration of the travel from Peridea to his home galaxy.

Mission accomplished.

I wonder if, at this point, Sabine had an inkling she wouldn't be joining Ezra on that trip home. Ezra might be able to do a Force-powered Jedi jump but that's clearly something Sabine hasn't practiced in.

(This is also possibly why, in this show, Sabine doesn't have her jetpack).

I hope this makes sense since I wrote this half asleep.

[demise-seems-dead]

@askingkyborg's main here to being you another emo chip mini fic! Spoilers for 33-36 and SHHH i know it doesnt make sense timeline wise because they go straight to the vampspire from town but shut up no they dont

this will be posted on ao3 when i fix my account btws!!

also also heavilyly implied OCD chip because yes <3

TW: Suicidal actions, ideation, etc. also minor disordered eating talk.

‘Care to spar with me, mon ami?” Chip looks up from the campfire at that point, maybe for the first time all day. His eyes focused up on Mathilde, the bird's eyes glinting softly. Of course, if Chip was honest with himself, that was a flat out no. Chip wasn't in the mood for being tactical, which is normally his thing. The only thing he wanted was for everyone to leave him alone. His brain has been on autopilot for the past two days and all he's done is sleep, eat and walk.

Chip isn't dumb. He knows mathilde is just trying to get him to do something, but what's even the point any more?

“Sure. I’ll spar, but we both know I'll lose.” The forced smile on his face wavers a bit.

Chip stands up, popping his back with a deep crackle. He sighs gingerly, and unlatches his arm blade. He knows I'd be smarter to use his crossbow if mathilde is going to fly, but it's not like he was intending to win. Chip is not a bad fighter, of course. No, he's actually quite good. It's just hard to think about when your mind is static and ocean foam.

Absently he loosens his neck, one of his habits that never ceased to leave him from years of assassin work. He always seems to have a crick in his neck, but it’s not really surprising. Chip had found himself in and out of jails, hostage situations, and attempted murder more times than he could shake a stick at. His body was a wheat maze of scars and old wounds, of torture and strain. But it was all part of the job, or at least that's the half assed excuse he gave himself.

The other part of Chip's fight ritual was coming into his surroundings. He followed mathildes movements in the clearing with lidded eyes, focusing in on the world for the first time since-...

Mathilde was moving cockily, as they almost always do. Slowly and elegant, feathers smoothed and freshly preened, it looks like. Chip raises his heels up off the ground, eyes narrowing in, trying to get lighter on his feet. His own body is different, and he feels less familiar with it. He's lost weight recently- not having eaten in a few days- too sick to his stomach from the previous weeks to even think about it. It wasn't a lot, but his shouldie hung off him in a different way. It made him wish he still had his D.A.G.A.R suit for training. His hand smelt like wild onions, and the rest of him like ash. He's been lighting the campfires with his tiefling abilities lately, instead of using his boy scout training from his childhood. Using that fire always drained him, but he can't help but be glad it helps him pass out at night rather than lie awake. He needed to sleep, to sleep, to dream and fight it off for a while. It's been his only time of peace for quite some time.

A few more seconds till the battle begins, mathilde is counting down, but he doesn't dare let the sound get into his ears. You focus on your target and your target alone when you fight. He’ll read their beaks movements for days instead of breaking his focus if he needs to.

Chip repositions, moving his left side forward. Not only is it the hand he's got his armblade on, but it helps hide his weak spot- the crossbow wounds still healing from the previous night. Barney had given him some healing in between, but in the night he'd gently picked at it. The red stains have always calmed him down, and on himself no different. Red meant alive still, red was the enemy, but red meant weakened and ready to die. To embrace the people they miss… so…so…bad.

Mathilde moves, battle begins. He knows they're saying something snarky but he's too tuned out to regard it. He's watching and commanding from third person, and that's just how he wants it. Bob down, weave right. Mathilde lands a firm noncorporeal blow to his face, and he gasps out a little, breaking part of his concentration. A smooth trickle of blood drips from a now busted lip, and chip can't help but smile.

The chipper killer. That's what people used to call him, back in the day. Always had a smile when he killed, made jokes and jabs. This was basically the same, just less lethal. A laugh busts through chips teeth, and he smiles. Mathilde obviously looks a little shocked by his reaction. 

Chip plants his left foot, pressing all of his weight on his toes and not his heels to keep him flighty. He takes a slash with his arm blade. His eyes shut, but fly back open in seconds. Mathilde has a sting of blood dripping from the cut over his chest, red plumage soaking even redder. Chip laughs, and he sounds wild. A snarky insult comes to his lips but he presses it down.He can't cause hesitation, you hesitate you die. He needs to get his target. 

Chips' eyes are blurry, and he can hardly make out the figure in front of him. He's used to shots in the dark though. The blurriness backs up, and a sneer falls into his face. Kill. His ears flicker down a bit, and he moves forward. The kill drive of his nature was seizing him, hands steady and brain calculated. A stab at the shadows, voice howling in his own skull. “DIE!” 

Blood was splattered onto his hands, and it didn't matter whos it was. There's shouting all around him. He wants his target dead. He wants everything to die. He wants to die-

“CHIIIPPP!” a high pitched squeak breaks his brain, and the haze fades. The dark shadows reform, and suddenly he sees mathilde, blood dripping down their front and hands in front of their face, not in cowardice but in preparation for attack. An attack from him. 

Chips eyes shoot down at ellga, who was the one who snapped him out of it. His arm blade glistened in the draining sun, wet blood still on it. He looks up at mathilde, and the bird gives a sympathetic look at the absolute horror streaked across Chip's face.

“Mathilde i am so-’ “Don't be sorry, we were sparing, you just got a little into it is all. im fine, barney can heal me right up-”

“Already on it” the old man blurts, but looks at Chip with a spike of fear that makes the tiefling want to dry heave. 

“I-I-”

Chip runs a hand through his hair, unable to talk. He knew his killing nature was catching back up to him with carol dying, but now he's going back to how he was. 

Chip stumbles a little, back into ellga. He jumps forward and turns, pulling his hands all the way away. Sweat beads down in a streak off his chin.

‘IM- i- I'm gonna go forage-!” Chip announces with his most normal smile, his fakest smile, and turns on his heel. Mathilde makes a noise like they're going to talk, but just sighs, and it wills Chip into walking even faster in the opposite direction. He stumbles his way down the hill, moving away from the patch of grass they'd been at and into the main town of vania. He bumps into every person there, and several ask him if hes alright from the blood on his hands and his face. They don't know him, they don't know he's a monster. They don't know he's a friend hurter, or that he's the reason his wife is dead. They don't know anything, so Chip doesn't say anything. He just walks.

By the time the sun starts setting, Chip doesn't even know where he is. Vania isn't huge by any stretch of the imagination, but chip is already lost enough in his own mind to know where exactly he is in this unfamiliar place. After a while, he settles, tucked behind a building and hidden, breathing heavily.

He stares at the blood on his hands, and he twitches. Chip has never been a messy killer. Blood makes his hands itch, too wet then too dry. Dirty and disgusting. As much as he hates the smell of bleach, he always uses it for crime scenes. Blood was too dirty. Filthy, nasty, and wrong. He's been nervously rubbing his hands for hours, the blood mainly off, but still feeling like it's on there. He rubs some more at it, and curses under his breath.

He hurt his friend. 

He's a bad omen. An omen of death.

He's killed hundreds.

He's a bad person. An omen of death.

He's the reason his wife is dead.

He's a bad husband. An omen of death.

He's the real problem.

A monster. An omen of death. 

Why does he even bother being ALIVE? 

Chip sighs, running a hand through his hair and then wincing. Now that's contaminated too. Everything about him is dirty and wrong. Tears threaten his eyes, pushing into the corners and making a soft noise as they roll over his cheeks.Days of lapsing suicidal urges and injuries have snapped him into a terrible, terrible place.  Softly he presses his forehead onto his knees, feeling the cool scared up skin over his hot face.

He's not sure how long he rests but his dreams are uncomfortable. Swirling memories of killings past. Bad bad memories. They never bothered him before, but now he knows what it's like to lose somebody. Now he knows how much of a monster he really is. 

He's only ever startled awake by voices. Mushing noises of high and low pitches. He opened his eyes, and they flooded over with brightness. He stifled a groan, headache and ready airdropping into his skull and ears ringing like a kenku scream. His eyes focus, and he sees several balls of gleaming light, and his party in front of them. 

“What is tarnation…?” he grumbles, and the light speckles vanish, the sun's last entrails covered by mathilde spreading their wings. His eyes go up to his team mates who are staring at him with worry in their eyes. He winces distantly, feeling a spike of guilt as he sees mathildes feathers pushed out of place and puffed up. 

‘Oh.. uh… hey guys..” He rubs the back of his now sore neck.

“Chip crétin! Je devrais avoir ton visage pour ça, pourquoi diable m'enfuirais-tu comme ça, Ellga était inquiète, Barney était inquiet, j'étais inquiet d'avoir crié à haute voix ! Ce n'est pas si mal, je vais bien, c'est bien!” mathilde scolds in panicked sounding French, grabbing Chip by the collar of his hoodie and yanking him up.

 Ellga huffs. “Why’d you run off? It's fine! You two were having fun! It was a play fight. It's not real! Mathildes is not dead- well, they are, but it's unrelated!”

“I-” chip sighs heavily, shutting his eyes a bit. “You're right. Sorry. I guess…” chip searches for the words in his head, scrambling to think of what to say. Tiredness flushes over him in a wave, and he lets out a sigh, throwing his hands up. He lets his head embrace the wall behind him, and his horns click on it. 

‘I'm just.. I'm just so..so..tired.” he gives. “I didn't mean to hurtcha’ mathilde, I just got lost in my own head. Guess my…killer ways are catching up with me…” “Well you’d never intentionally hurt any of us. You told me coming into town that you're a good assassin.” Barney tries to encourage, but chips heart falls. “Yeah, well…is there really such a thing?I'm still a murderer” he chokes, and his body tingles with the feeling of blood splats from past kills all surging up and bubbling under his purple skin.

“Nonsense. Words are all made up, mon ami. One isn't worse than another. An assassin is a profession, and a murderer is apparently a death sentence to ‘za living. It dos’ant matt’ar! Those titles don't dictate who you a’hre, the people who love you do. And I say you're perfectly fine. We all do bad t’ings sometimes.” Chip sighs at mathildes word, ever wise in their later later years. “I suppose.” he says, not at all convinced. Ellga frowns, and it makes Chip want to bury his head in the vanian dirt. She turns to the alchemist, who Chip had almost forgotten about.

“Mr alchemist, do you have any cures for sadness?” “Not…quite, ellga, but i have somethings that may help, if chip here is willing.” The room pauses, and all eyes form onto Chip. “Awh, what da heck..?”

“Give me your arm blade.”

“What?” Chip stares at Robert like he's crazy. “Just hand it to me.” Chip sighs, and unties the arm band to it and tosses it over to the alchemist, who catches deftly. He looks at it for a moment, and then tucks it into his bag.

“How's that supposed to help? That's my best stealth weapon.'' Chip finds himself grumbling.

“Exactly. That way if you try to hurt yourself, you don't have anything silent to do it with.”

“Oh.” He momentarily wants to fight off the claim, but the arrow wounds in his foot and his lower neck burn with a shot of pain to remind him. 

“Okay.”

“Besides that-” Robert continues momentarily, digging around in his bag, tophat sliding down his head, “I've got a potion I want you to try. It should help.”

He extends out a vial filled with a shimmering blue liquid. Chip extends a gloved hand, and takes it. He removes the cap with a pop, and tips it back. He drains the liquid in a quick motion, and wipes the corner of his mouth.

“I don't feel any different. I just feel really tired and useless, mainly.” He says, and his head flinches back at his own words. Robert smiles, and taps the vile.

“Truth telling serum. Now you can't hide anything from us.” he pats his shoulder as he chuckles.

Chip goes to scold, but realises everything would get turned on its head when he says it. 

Mathilde snickers. "There isn't any way to heal depression with a potion, but now our too clever rogue cant hide anything from us.”

“You guys are my favourite people.” chip sighs, exasperatedly. Ellga squeezes his hand.

“Come on, let's go to the vampspire. Maybe seeing my home will cheer you up.”

“Yeah… maybe it will.”