#btw the final designs of the ancients aren’t this one

[bia-and-tea]

i did some memes out of boredom…literally three

here is the reference:

[felassan]

Thoughts on Dark Fortress #2

(This post is under a cut due to spoilers.)

So late with this one! some stuff irl was keeping me really busy and hyper-distracting me lately, but it’s finally over now so I’m back on my bioware bullshit. :D

Overall there were a lot of beautiful or awe-inspiring scenes in this issue, and a lot of great, meaningful / poignant character interactions and moments between characters. It’s pretty impressive actually how much was able to be packed in. I posted some of my favorite panels here. also omg! the action sequences! the big reveal! the ending!! woww

cool scene-setting, panned out shot of Neromenian and behind it, the Dark Fortress, to immediately pull you back into the world and ‘where we left off’. the combination of ruined dead trees, red lights, lightning and fire/smoke is very atmospheric and hints at what’s ahead

“From this... city, if we can call it that” is a sick burn and reminds you that the Qunari are technologically more advanced than most of the rest of Thedas, from their cannons to their aqueducts

more individually distinct Qunari soldiers, sth I again appreciate

! last issue there were big ‘You haven’t seen the last of Tractus!’ vibes, naturally, but I didn’t expect him to escape by stabbing and killing the Qunari using a chair-leg..!!

the last panel on the first page of Karasten is really good. the way it’s colored, the way it’s lit, the light and shadow, the fiery backdrop, cinders floating, the details of his expression.. 👌 it also makes me think to the possible future, to DA4 when mainland Thedas may be continuing to face the entirety of the Antaam

in Vaea’s acrobatics scene on the bridge, I know rationally that she’ll be fine but couldn’t help but worry for her. again I like how they don’t shy away from showcasing Vaea’s specific abilities. also the attention to detail - you’d think some rocks are just some rocks, but it highlights the risk she’s undertaking that if she falls it’s into rough seas which could dash her against the jagged rocks :’S. Vaea, gooooo!

Fenris’ “Enterprising girl” line has big “Clever girl” meme energy :D

my heart can’t take Fran and Autumn leaning over the edge after Vaea in worry ;; or Aaron looking back in concern over his shoulder ;; or Fran’s tender reassurance ;; or Autumn’s Worried expression ;; the care and bonds which have grown between this group of characters ;;

notice Aaron starts drinking when Vaea’s away from them and they’re beginning to grow worried about her safety. the poor man’s nerves and stress levels

Fran touching the vegetation while she’s considering if she could use her magic to open the entrance from the outside is a nice touch

did Marius leap in front of Fenris and Fran there when the entrance opened?? damn, he’s quick. and the three of them look all scary and formidable here ready for combat. notice how the curve of the door and the spikes that go into the ground, and the composition of this panel, make it look like they’re standing in front of an opened dragon’s maw? ‘teeth’, a rumbling ‘roar’.. some nice foreshadowing here.

the reunion panels are so cute. Autumn’s lil tum as she jumps and Fran and Fenris’ lil smiles of relief and at Autumn’s reaction to seeing Vaea, then a rare happy beam from Aaron.. feel.. the love ;__;

red lighting in the tunnel sets a dangerous, dramatic build-up mood

👀 more info on Fenris’ past, on the specifics of the process which gave him his markings. in the panel where he says that it took a long time, his shadow on the wall behind him reminds me of the shadow of his past that has dogged him for so long :(

Fenris and Marius height difference

discussion of the process shows the power difference between blue and red lyrium. blue lyrium took a long time, red lyrium is almost instant

Autumn is such an intrepid little explorer and alert scout, tail and ears up, head forward. good girl!

“I just... worry about you, my girl”  ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚  I’ll be so sad if these are death flags for Aaron and he doesn’t make it out of here. also note Fran in this panel, who recently had to kill her own father and is still dealing with that, watching the strongly paternal moment between Aaron and Vaea :(

love Vaea’s faith in Aaron and her sense of humor. also I don’t know why, maybe it’s because Vaea met Sebastian, but her “Maker, no!”, although in a completely different and light-hearted context, reminds me of Sebastian’s “Maker nooo!” at the end of DA2 hh

the reference again to Hawke, who Fenris saw haunted by what they tried to do - save their mother - and couldn’t :’(. also with the shadow in this panel, here’s another person struggling with the shadow of his past qq. this is later emphasized again in Aaron when he continues to talk about his past and in the panel is a chain and manacle. smart visual metaphors, a must in the comic medium with limited space

mushroom skull 💀🍄

“It isn’t about what I’ve done. It isn’t about my failures. Or my choices. It’s about their impact” - he’s misty-eyed here as he thinks back to Ostagar.. does this line btw seem almost meta to anyone else btw? :D it feels like a meta reference to the experience of DA players and PCs, who are always having to deal with the impacts of their choices

I wanna point out that I was right on reading issue #1, when I said “I’m positive that in panel 2 here, it’s the exact moment when he sees Cailan die” ;;

So Aaron is also a veteran of the Battle of Denerim

reference to the Hero of Ferelden - “Those were someone else’s battles”. I’m being captain obvious here but I can’t help but [heart pitter-patter] at any and all references to the HoF

I like the.. parallel? is that the word? Aaron’s stories were him trying to inspire people to make a change, or him trying to convince himself of that. and now here’s Vaea, inspiring Aaron with her words in these panels. the little guys can make a difference! in the world of Thedas, you don’t need to be a big bombastic hero or a Player Character to have an impact 

lmao Fenris right on cue. the moments of humor/light-heartedness are nice because they break up the tension and are sprinkled throughout without derailing build-up or taking away from dramatic story impact. yknow?

yeah Aaron!! leave it behind. leave it to rot with mr mushroom skull (and hey the mushroom skull was there for a reason). again tho if this is a death flag i 

Fenris straight down to business with the tactics

its cute how close Autumn has been sticking to Fran

Tessa checking in on Fran again, as she did in issue 1

Could Vaea’s “Well, shit” be an homage to Varric? :D they have met

I also wanna point out that I was right on reading issue #1, when I said “My guess is that the thing Tractus shows Marquette and Nenealeus is probably a chained up dragon or similar”

the poor dragon :’( big dragon the Qunari had in Trespasser vibes

the sword has a really cool design, kind of reminds me of something a samurai might be depicted wielding

👀 lore-drop! so ancient elven arcane warriors used lyrium-infused swords. this seems to confirm the sarcophagus is an ancient elven artifact, no? makes sense, wasn’t it said that the sarcophagus’ design was based on the architecture/outfit-design type elements of a specific faction, and that this was done intentionally? it looks kinda ancient elfy in make, right? also about the lyrium-infused swords of the arcane warriors, well well well.. remember that the Evanuris and the ancient elves mined the bodies of Titans for lyrium, for power and to use as a resource. here’s an example of that use

as I read through this portion I became increasingly concerned for my boy Shirallas.. we really are in it now aren’t we 😭

the Qunari are launching STRAIGHT-UP ROCKETS ohhhh

pretty ‘lightshow’ over the wall in the “Let’s hope the fortress is as secure as Danarius boasted” panel hh

protective older brother Fenris, impish younger sister Vaea. love that dynamic, we love to see it. sheepish and exasperated Fenris is so cute

the Bone Pit dragon fight with Hawke and co reference!

I wonder how long the dragon has been captive here, and how Danarius/Tractus was able to capture it

lore-wise what are the implications here? when Fenris’ ritual was being undertaken, the sword and the sarcophagus were bombarded with magic, fire spells. in this one they aim to have the dragon bombard it with fire-breathing. is it just fire that makes it work/powers it, or is there magic in dragonfire, in dragons? it reminds me of “Your heart beats with the old blood, as well. Where do you think it comes from? It sings of a time when dragons ruled the skies. A time before the Veil, before the mysteries were forgotten. Can you hear it?”

purple color for the dragon’s growling sounds/typeset is a great idea

lets.. goooo!!!!

Marquette is such a nerd. later on when he activates the sarcophagus he has mad scientist vibes

the dramatic reunion face-offs begin!! as the prophecy foretold!!!!1

true to form, Marius DOES have nothing to say ahahaha, even at this, his personal climax. maybe Marius dies in the next issue, but Tessa lives and gets to go back to Charter

these Venatori look almost Star Wars

Shirallas my boyy.. nooo... don’t do it 😭

ah ah ah! try casting magic with no ARMS

Francesca a beacon of blue light and goodness

the splash combat page is masterful. everyone playing a part, so much going on, everything happening at once. a thing that sticks out to me about it is Aaron’s outstretched hand and alarm as he watches Fran fall 

Autumn with her lil hackles raised

“The Venatori have returned” dun dun dunn

goodbye Shirallas 😭😭😭

the composition of the second to last page with triangle/diamond-shaped panels and the framing of dragon wings is awesome

the Dread Wolf rises, “the Tevinter Imperium will rise again”.. on-point on-point cohesion

there he is, the red wraith

Super Saiyan Shirallas

what a note to end an issue on

wow wow wow!!

and separate to the above, some speculation based on the cover of Issue 3: the piece of metal looks like a broken collar coming off Shirallas, like the one there was on the cover of Issue 2 coming off the dragon. also he’s all bulky now with draconic talons/claws (reminds me of in-world legends of Reavers who dug too deep of their own power after drinking dragon blood and whose bodies consequently began to manifest subtle reptilian traits actually). I’ll be interested to see what results of this allusion between Shirallas and the dragon!!

[dgcatanisiri]

(1/2) I got such a big facepalm when Dorian appiered in tevinter nights and how writing deliberately mentioned that he have only the servants now. I just... Bioware really should stop pretending that Dorian didnt defent horrible things. If anyone of their scenarits gave at least half of theit shit, Dorian could have finally had a conflicked he (as a character) so despiratly needed in Inquisition.

(2/2) But it would probably make many players uncomfortable with their "Best Gay Friend" being not so perfect cinnamon roll UWU as they want, so Bioware just run from risk as fast as from a shitting elefant. Writers dont want Dorian to grow, just be a stereotipical LGBT-doll to bait the audience. The worst thing is - it actually worked... It sickens me. (sorry for my bad english btw) 

I mean, I really would have been down for a “Dorian learns that slavery is bad” push through Inquisition - we have Krem, Bull’s trusted right hand among the Chargers, whose father sold himself into slavery because he couldn’t compete with the prices of slave labor, and yet there’s not even a passing encounter between them. We have Varric, who was friends with an escaped Tevinter slave, and yet Fenris isn’t even NAME-CHECKED, let alone discussed as an example of what is wrong in Tevinter. We have the encounter with Gatt, and, while I understand not making it a must-have encounter because of variation possibilities, Dorian just gets catty at him because he represents the Qunari, rather than having even a moment of recognition that this freed elven slave looked at staying in slavery and joining the Qun, and unreservedly joined the Qunari - kinda shoots holes in that whole “poverty is the same as slavery” thing when the Qun looks better to someone who has suffered under those systems.

But no. We have Dorian revealing that his father would have straightened him out if he’d gotten the chance (and getting the option to push Dorian to “forgive” him, which HELL. NO. and I resent the implication that it’s somehow “better” to do that). And we have Dorian getting harassed by Mother Giselle, framed in such a way that we can only disagree with her asking after the intentions of the Tevinter mage among the Inquisition - when a Tevinter cult centered around an ancient Tevinter magister is the actual enemy of the game. Her concerns are completely justifiable, but the game wants to set her up as a straw villain in opposition to Dorian, with no real room to accept her point of view. But DORIAN, no, he’s got to be in the right.

Like I’ve said before, Dorian just comes across as little more than a prop - there to drop the “homophobia is bad” anvil and then be the ego boost for the female Inquisitor with the “safe” flirting - flirting that leads to that conversation where the Inquisitor will accuse him of leading her on, he’ll offer that line of “in another life” that I despise, and then tell him to keep fluffing her ego. He’s there to be the bestie character, not a character in his own right.

I mean, note that when BioWare DID write a gay character who shut that “friendly flirting” down right off with Gil in Mass Effect Andromeda, Gil has been sidelined all over the fandom. And while part of that is certainly BioWare setting the scene with the combination of minimal focus on him and a homophobic storyline... When it’s compared to Dorian, it gets very, VERY concerning to me on the subject of representation.

Because, end of the day, BioWare is still a business, still trying to make money. And making money means focusing and continuing their successes, cutting their losses when things aren’t working out. So the business approach here says that Dorian is a success, so keep chasing a repeat. Meaning that there’s a not-unreasonable-expectation that whoever DA4′s gay option is, he’ll be a prop as well, yet another gay character suffering something exclusive to his experience as a gay man.

Worse, even, because if they don’t do something like this, when we’re heavily expected to be in TEVINTER and hobnobbing with the elite of that nation, then there are two options to BioWare - either they don’t comment on homophobia in Tevinter, gutting the emotional core of Dorian’s story outright by making it into “not that big a deal” in reality, or they try and argue that Dorian’s efforts at reform have already been turning the tide, which... No. That’s not how society works. If they were already near the point where Dorian’s (acknowledged to be!) long shot minority party has been able to impact society that much, then it was already nearing that change, and, look at that, the emotional core of Dorian’s story is gutted anyway, because now Halward was doing this at a point that it would have reflected poorly on him in society.

BioWare doesn’t THINK about how the things they include will impact the rest of the world. It’s all immediate gains at the expense of future world-building. I mean, hell, that much was obvious with all the snapback Trespasser put the Inquisitor’s choices through, making everything more or less the same.

But it hits with Dorian in a different way because the game wants us to see him as a “good” Tevinter, without ever asking the question of if there ever really can be a “good” Tevinter. And my answer is “not among the Magisterium.” The good Tevinters are ones like Krem, like Fenris, the people who’ve been beaten down by the systems of Tevinter and have no voice.

I stand by the idea that, if BioWare wants us to have some kind of conflict in DA4, some decision point, where Dorian’s life hangs in the balance and it defines who gets to “rule” Tevinter going forward... Honestly, I can very easily accept Dorian as a casualty. Of course, given how BioWare has gone out of their way to play him up as “the good Tevinter” in the last few years with their supplementary material (he’s been in like every comic story arc they’ve published over the last few years in some capacity, even just a one-issue cameo), I’m reluctant to believe they’d actually even go through with that - “oh, no one would sacrifice Dorian, so let’s not put that in, no one would choose [other option] over him.”

I get that, in a barren landscape, Dorian represents a very powerful SOMETHING to audiences. Hell, I even understand the people who are moved by his story, even if I’d deeply critical of it - just because I find it reduces him to a prop for the development of the straight man who would have done that to him, that doesn’t mean that other people can’t find meaning and can’t connect with Dorian himself. But it’s a very real counterpoint that, in a barren landscape, Dorian also by design fails to be what just as many people needed him to be as he provides. And, rather than listen to anyone who was left unsatisfied, the overwhelming attitude I’ve seen from both the fandom, in their treatment of anyone who DOES have criticisms towards him, and BioWare, in their portrayal through merch (having his hoodie modeled by and shaped for women’s bodies) and supplementary material (the comics, Tevinter Nights), don’t care to address, that they want to just sweep it under the rug and lavish praise on Dorian for being what he is in Inquisition.

And, again, all I see in Inquisition is a prop for gay pain causing straight people character growth and development. I’m not here for that.

[the-lightning-strikes-again]

Hey Lightning, I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on something. One take that seems to keep returning every once in a while is the "Allura fell for Lotor only after he revealed his Altean heritage," but I know u and others have disproven this many times, which does reassure me. While I love Allura, I definitely think one of her weaknesses was her devotion to Altea and singing Alfor's praises, which sometimes became too much. At the same time, it bothers me when I see some ppl (1/?)

Continuing anon message: “ say that she thought Alteans were superior to all other races, and that when the colony plot twist happened, she became repulsed by Lotor's Galra side, which is why she rejected him. For them, that's why she forced violent memories onto an uncorrupted Zarkon, but somehow "saw the good/redeemed" Honerva, the Altean. I can kind of understand where they're coming from, but for me, it just didn't make sense that Allura suddenly had a change of heart considering for most of s8, she was angry and dead set on going after Honerva. Even with that, I think to a lot of her fans, s8 made Allura so ooc that she became unrecognizable, which hurt to watch. I guess for me it's hard seeing antis and people who don't like her claim that that's just how she is and has always been. Haha sorry for rambling, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, since your arguments ease my mind on a lot of things when it comes to Allura :)”

Hi, anon. Wow, thanks for your extended note! I don’t know anywhere in canon that Allura champions Alteans as a superior race. The definition of racial supremacy is a belief that inherent genetic differences between races determine cultural or individual achievement, with social/governmental policies championing intolerance of other races. To get Allura to fit into such a label:

1.      A viewer has to ignore or undermine all the evidence available about who the main-universe Alteans really were before main-universe Zarkon’s massacre of them.

2.      A viewer has to ignore or undermine how Allura actually responds to a variety of different races in the show, including her own.  

So let’s start with issue one. To support an “Allura was a racial supremacist” opinion, a lot of antis (and even non-militant, average viewers) are favorable to the opinion that Alteans as a group, including Alfor, were actually evil and violent colonizer elitists before Galrans killed them off. In other words, they question Altean victimhood, and this allows the militant antis to poison and undermine scenes of a woman mourning her home and her beloved family. And it just gets to be a really unsettling conversation, to listen to someone actually try to justify genocide. They’ll also have suspicions that all of our foundational backstory in the s3 finale was just “cleansed” propaganda from Coran. So if antis can undermine Allura’s entire race and family as corrupt, then they can intentionally undermine any of her canonical statements about or efforts toward peace. Which is hilarious, because this racist tactic applied to Allura is actually what a lot of antis accuse Allura of doing with Lotor.

For the record, I don’t think the show production team actually intended the subliminal messaging/cognitive dissonance that I’m about to discuss. The people who designed and developed this show are fans of robot kitties and aren’t PhDs in social issues. But I think there is a very serious issue about the portrayal of genocide victims that feeds into some very real problems in our world, especially regarding the concept of racial supremacy and conspiracy theories about genocide victims.

VLD tried to play with both genocide politics for edge™ points while ALSO playing with shatterglass theory (shatterglass meaning an AU where the heroes are villains and villains are heroes). Combining these two concepts into the same universe creates some incredibly disturbing subliminal messaging about Alteans that very closely mimics ongoing neo-Nazi propaganda against Jews. Nazis and other anti-Semitists justify their hatred of Jews by equating them as terrible villains out for world domination via some underhanded shadow control of the mass populace. It’s an incredibly malicious form of propaganda, because it works so terribly well. And what do you know, VLD plays right into this kind of propaganda. In the season 3 episode, Hole in the Sky, we’re faced with team Voltron confronting an Altean Empire that was actually evil and out for multiverse domination. And oh by the way, they’re using malicious shadow tech to control a mass populace.

It’s like someone on the production team read the Protocols of the Elders of Zion and then just copied/pasted that incredibly damaging and widely accepted conspiracy theory right onto Alteans for s3 funsies because edge content.

This is incredibly punishing, for the narrative to wave the carrot stick in front of genocide survivors that maybe some others survived—and then to suggest that Alteans were the evil ones all along. A shatterglass twist worked very well in Captain Marvel (2019) for a lot of reasons, for example, but it just doesn’t work well in the VLD universe given that the show explicitly portrays the genocide victims as evil and validates this concept. And this episode unfortunately feeds ongoing cognitive dissonance in antis that if AU Alteans could be so evil…how certain are you that they aren’t in the main universe too? On the reverse side, the main-universe goes out of its way to portray that not all Galrans are evil, and even that Galrans were the primary resistance (BOM). But in this singular episode, we see a united Altean empire. And the only Altean who moves to stand against it once the shine wears off…is Allura. There is no AU Altean actually shown in the Guns of Gamara. So Allura stands alone as an Altean against her own people.

For this reason, this episode doesn’t function very well as a shatterglass AU either, because the moral “flip” isn’t a mirror balance to main universe. The Alteans of the AU world appear as fully united in their evil plans. And then, no doubt, anti-alluras point out other quirky things about main-universe Alteans throughout the show—the violent language-learning system that scares Pidge, and the ancient Altean terraforming technology that Haggar activates, and the fact that Oriande is a hidden place that keeps out the less magical with a violent guardian. These details, when removed from main-universe world building, create a cognitive dissonance about whether main-universe Allura and Alteans were actually genuine in how they depicted respectful “peace and diplomacy.” So anti alluras who believe Allura was a racial supremacist really rely on this s3 episode and these details to uphold their conspiracy theory.

So let’s focus on Allura in this episode, because it says a lot about who she ultimately is as a person, and people have forgotten how she actually responded in this episode. Allura is unquestionably hopeful at the thought that her and Coran might not be the last Alteans alive. Pretty understandable. If I were the last human, I’d be darn excited to find out there’s more of me left, lol. So her experience as a genocide victim initially blinds her to the evilness of these Alteans. You can even see the ache on her face, of how badly she wants to believe their narrative of peace.

So Allura is initially star-struck that she and Coran are not the last Alteans, yes, and that somehow they’ve achieved a “peace.” She is also not afraid to admit that they would be valuable allies in the war:

And she’s not wrong there, considering that they have what appears to be extensive military resources and a robot force of their own. But she makes a critical mistake in assuming that “these are my people” means that they share main-universe cultural sentiments. The instant Allura hears Slav (so not someone of her own race) call these Alteans out as actually evil colonizers turning people into slaves, she begins to question the narrative she’s received.

In this instance, she actually affords the Alteans the same courtesy she afforded Lotor—the opportunity to deny the accusations.

But in the AU Altean’s case, they try to turn blame back on other parties. Allura listens to Keith when he grows increasingly fearful of what the Alteans might do to the others, and she tries to plead for actual peace:

And actually, this is a pretty interesting moment for Allura. She tries to salvage an alliance…until she realizes that their differences are irreconcilable, and that their definition of peace is inherently different from her own. This probably sets the stage for why Allura was so triggered by Lotor talking about peace while also killing people—because she’s seen people misappropriate that term before. And also probably informs why she trusts the information of both Keith and Krolia (both of whom have Galran blood, btw).

Ultimately, Allura turns against her own people. Violently:

When they get angry about her wanting actual peace, Allura draws a weapon against them and rejects them from her people. This mimics how she spends several seasons fighting an Altean Haggar/Honerva for her crimes, and how she turns against Lotor too.

So case in point here, Allura loves her people, obviously—but she also is holding them to moral standards regarding their behavior, which is something that a genuine racist doesn’t do. As a matter of fact, Lotor is the only person of Altean blood that Allura genuinely bonds with ever again in the series. She’s distant with Romelle, she’s distant with the s8 Alteans… In s8, Allura even says this about Luca, which refers back to her own mistakes she made with initially being star-struck by the s3 AU Alteans who came in “peace”:

Allura herself had been manipulated in s3, wanting so desperately to not be the last Altean alive that it initially blinded her to how Commander Hira was manipulating her. The plight of the s8 Alteans who are deceived by Honerva is inherently frustrating to her, because she can see herself in them.

Absolutely none of this correlates with Allura seeing or perpetuating Alteans as a superior race. At every turn, her own people continue to disappoint her, and she increasingly and progressively separates herself from them in hopelessness, because they’re so brainwashed that they can’t see they’re just cannon fodder for someone else’s military agendas. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for a superior race, lol.

So let’s think about anti accusations here. Allura is a racial supremacist…but she’s arguing against her people who believe unquestionably in Honerva, another full Altean like herself? Nothing about that accusation makes sense with her actions.

The fact is, consistently from season 3 and onward, Allura is faced with her own people morally disappointing her.

The good news for the s8 Alteans like Tavo is that Allura is able to remove the dark entity Honerva is using to control him. Which allows other Alteans to “wake up” from being manipulated and try to make amends.

Regardless, Allura makes a very clear line that simply being Altean doesn’t make someone “right.” She sees herself fully at odds with her own people who are drawn in by Honerva’s lies. And she experienced well back in s2 (revealing Haggar as Honerva) and s3 (evil AU Alteans) that any given race, including her own, can house people who do bad things.

The fact is, she’s consistently and willingly drawn weapons against even her own people when they didn’t meet her moral expectations. So her response to Lotor isn’t particularly out of line there. She’s repulsed by a moral flaw.

And actually, Lotor himself wouldn’t have known this, but he very oddly echoed the AU Alteans by getting angry that Allura was angry over the means through which he was trying to get peace:

So Lotor actually reverts to the same logic of the AU Alteans—peace at any cost, just look at the results—

And keep in mind that the AU Alteans also manipulated Allura’s excitement about them, to get her to make the transreality comet usable so they could go into other realities. So Allura has felt betrayed and used before, by her own people.

So when she says this:

Yes, it’s a reference back to how Zarkon manipulated his friends in order to get access to the quintessence field, at the explicit cost of potentially killing his own people. But it’s not without understanding that yes, Alteans can be just as manipulative and betraying as Zarkon. Because she’s experienced it, again and again.  

As a matter of fact, six out of the eight seasons of Voltron: Legendary Defender feature villainous Alteans/Alteans on the wrong side of the war, and we continuously see Allura punished again and again for wishing that Alteans still lived.

No wonder she wanted to die.

This is something that I find uncomfortable about the narrative of the show. Previous iterations of Voltron did in fact have a “blood on everyone’s hands” perspective, such as within the ages 16+ Dynamic Comics. However, Arusians/Alteans in those old Voltron narratives were not victims of genocide. VLD turns Alteans into victims of the worst racial crime possible and then also consistently portrays them as inherently antagonistic to genuine peace efforts in some way, instead of focusing on the evil of the oppressors.

And this is such a double whammy for Lotor’s characters as well, given that he was abused by his parents and threatened with slavery via his Galran culture, and that he was half-Altean too trying to connect to his lost culture.

As a matter of fact, the larger show’s narrative interest in “victims as antagonists” makes it such that when we see victims try to enact actual justice, it feels almost jarring. Let’s look at that s8 Zarkon moment you brought up as an example, where Allura destroys his innocent perspective by showing him his evil deeds.

The s8 Zarkon is a weird topic because 1) This Zarkon actually doesn’t exist outside of Honerva’s mind, so how he has any kind of actual free-will is beyond me, unless someone wants to argue that Honerva actually cursed his true soul just as she cursed the other paladins. It’s hilarious too, because Honerva-mind-Zarkon also calls Honerva a psychopath, so I guess now Honerva is psychoanalyzing herself using her dead husband as the vehicle, while also discreetly helping the paladins to stop herself—

ANYWAY, using this Zarkon as a “proof” of Allura’s “racism” is also cherry picking in the weirdest of ways. Is she angry about his horrific and incalculable crimes, including even how he betrayed the OG paladins and ruined his own planet? Absolutely. Does she want him to be aware of his crimes instead of having to pretend like nothing’s wrong? Yes.

But notice here, this Zarkon actually shows remorse. He is actually crying over those memories and recognizing that he had done something wrong. And Allura can work with that. In fact, out of everyone standing around and doing nothing, it’s Allura who gives him a second chance and offers an alliance with Zarkon in order to stop a crazy Altean: 

Keep in mind too, Honerva didn’t have memory loss at the end of s8. She knew exactly what she’d done and had given up and had to actually be convinced to do anything halfway constructive. That’s a very different circumstance than mind-Zarkon had, who jumped at the chance to do something to fix what all had happened, and gets even morally righteous about it, calling his own wife a psychopath, lol.

So generally, antis who believe Allura was a racial supremacist haven’t watched the show holistically. We see her hold the same standards to her own people as she expects out of others. This show would look incredibly different if Allura were a true racial supremacist.

Ah, you ask. Okay, so we’ve refuted the big pieces of “evidence” used to incriminate Allura. But what about all of those weird details about ancient Altean history? The violent language-learning program that scared Pidge? The violent terraforming tech that almost kills Voltron? The concept that Alfor tried to play “police” over the Galra and actually blew up their planet? The Alteans’ ongoing discussions of “peace and diplomacy” and spreading it throughout the universe while they happen to sit on a massive load of ancient power?

The s3 finale and other facts throughout the series very heavily smash the claim that our canon, in-universe Alteans were evil colonizers like the AU Alteans. The biggest piece of evidence to the contrary is that the Altea we know was one (1) planet. You counted right. One planet. Not an empire, but a singular planet. The s3 finale corroborates this, showing Altea as being largely isolationist from a military perspective while Daibazaal and Nalquod warred "for generations," right in front of their salad.

So some viewers would have you believe that Alteans were these big bad, intergalactic police state colonizers. But for all of its great power and knowledge, the singular planet of Altea didn't even canonically interfere in the wars of its own galaxy for actual millennia? And looking at the screenshots upon the stabilization of the alliance, Alfor is revealed to not have had experience with a neighboring culture. His face while exploring Gyrgan’s homeworld is an indication that it’s all rather new for him too. So again, we have evidence showing that Alteans were not colonizing or even functioning as a police state.

Note here that in the s3 flashbacks, the show confirms that it actually wasn’t just Alfor who suggested an alliance. All five leaders had common interests in protecting their galaxy from even worse threats, so all five came together at the same time. This is actually the first piece of evidence we have of Altea entering into some kind of intergalactic military agreement to stave off said worse threats.

And all of this is on top of a history where in s6, the Galran Archivist confirms that the Galran Empire had existed before Zarkon for 3,000 years, with times of “expansion.” It’s very easy to see that Blaytz’s people were actively fighting off Galran occupation of their homeworld within this past.

And that’s actually what I think makes Alfor and the OG paladins some pretty interesting characters. Here, we had colonizing Galran empire setting down its sword and accepting the value and space of its neighbors. Here, we had master alchemist Alfor giving up military power within their group by acknowledging Zarkon as the superior strategist. Here, we had Blaytz who had previously been battling Galran occupation…fully accepting the Galra?   

So the OG Paladin backstory represents a pretty incredible alliance that removed a lot of intergalactic toxicity and helped heal broken bonds. But it required all five leaders to agree to that. Alfor did not throw his weight or power around within this. There were several checks and balances here.

But this backstory also helps to explain some of the quirky details about Alteans. Their planet existed within an active war zone, and it’s very likely that they’d had to fight off Galran occupation just as Blaytz’s people did. So the violent robot trainers and fear-based language learning systems start to make sense. Alteans weren’t just simpering people playing harps all day and eating grapes. They were actively prepared to defend their planet and their culture.

So when Allura says in season 1 that Alteans were “spreading diplomacy” across the universe, the only pieces of evidence we have of that is the OG paladins themselves, in which Alfor was a big part in creating that alliance—and then possibly the Alteans with the Balmerans, given their deep collective rituals with that planet while the Galra literally just came in and ripped the planet nearly to death. Allura tries to mimic what it means to accept and interact with a culture without changing it well in season 1, when she stumbles through trying to respect Arusian culture and its demands on its people. Also, there is a big fact that antis like to overlook:

The fact is, despite the untold numbers of civilizations we interact with across 76 episodes, no outside race remembers Alteans as evil colonizers. If they were really so big and bad, we would have heard it, like, “Man, yeah the Galrans are bad. Just as bad as those Alteans, back in the day.” Or something. But nope, nothing.

So I heavily question the history of Altea as an ancient colonizing race. If they were, then Altea wouldn't have just been a single planet with limited resources to fight wars in even its own galaxy. All of this supports the idea of Altean children being raised to fight--because they were preparing to defend themselves when/if diplomacy fails.... But the fact that the Balmerans see Alteans fondly and that literally every other race we run into is explicitly suspicious of Galrans and not at all of Alteans says something.

I think the only piece of evidence there might be for a genuinely colonizing ancient Altea is the use of terraforming technology, as mentioned in s4. Haggar discovers it and activates it to try and kill Voltron--and she nearly succeeds, because said tech destroys the entire crust of the planet to reform it. But you have to step back for a second and wonder--if ancient Alteans were so powerful, why was Alfor struggling so hard to even hold his own planet together in the midst of all these other cultures warring and larger threats? If they had this technology--and they did know about it because Allura recognized it right away as ancient technology--why the heck wouldn't they use it? Or were they using it, and it was to reform uninhabited planets to help sustain displaced peoples? Why is it, if Alteans were so terribly bad, we have no record across ANY of the many alien races being cautious of them? Even Galran Lieutenant Lahn snapped at Allura only because he was jealous of the general security she had back on, you guessed it, explicitly Altea. There's a lot of potential explanations for a positive use of terraforming technology, and the evidence against colonization and Altea committing omnicide against other races is incredibly more aligned with the other details in the canon.

And even Alfor’s creation of Voltron and the blowing up of Daibazaal—that’s something that antis like to position as evidence of his police-state ways to underhandedly control other cultures.

So let’s tackle those too while we’re at it.

Honestly, I know people like to hate on Alfor, and I do think his character picks up some misogynism just from the writers....But I don't think he was as much of a controller as people think he was. He was already in an alliance with four other leaders to try and stop bad things from happening in their galaxy. That meant they were expending incredible amounts of time and resources to accomplish that end—resources that were not renewable and may have been straining various planets. We know that he started building Voltron with Zarkon and everyone else's blessing because he called them "clean ships," but it's only after the rift creatures attack that suddenly Alfor's perception of Voltron moves from "clean energy" to "omg we need a more powerful weapon against this unknown enemy.”

So these are his intentions BEFORE he discovers rift creatures are a threat to the universe. While Zarkon states that these new ships are to be endlessly powerful for the Galra Empire, Alfor shames him by offering what his desire is for them:

  After the rift creatures nearly destroy Daibazaal, intentions change.

So here, we see the game change in a BIG way. Voltron is not just about offering a more renewable way of sustaining peace-keeping efforts. Alfor is now adjusting and finishing these ships with the explicit knowledge that if they are not powerful enough, then Daibazaal and the Galran people will die. Alfor’s got a LOT of pressure on him now to deliver a mighty and powerful weapon to stop this new threat. So even his creation of Voltron as a superweapon involved using it to protect people from imminent death—not to police them.

And about Alfor blowing up Daibazaal—once again, it’s Alfor trying to clean up Honerva and Zarkon’s mess. Honerva had convinced Zarkon that the rift needed to be wider, and so Zarkon deceived the paladins into widening it.

So keep in mind here, at this point in time—the rift was destabilizing and eating an entire planet. The entire universe was now at stake. Alfor had to choose between a bad fix and an even worse option of allowing everyone to die, but he very clearly evacuated people before destroying Daibazaal, as part of his promise to keep Galrans safe. So that no one would have to die.

And as a matter of fact—about that terraforming technology. How sure are you that Alfor didn’t intend to use it to build Galrans a new home? It’s entirely within the realm of acceptable conjecture that he allowed for the existence of that technology because it could restore what had been lost.

And here’s where the story gets really screwy and feeds into some anti hate. Because when Zarkon wakes up as a zombie, he desires more quintessence as zombies do.

So he’s pissed that Alfor just cut off his gateway, and he manipulates his people:

And it’s here where we get the idea that Alfor was an evil controller. The idea came from Zarkon, who—we can look around pretty easily and see that he was not a man of honor, ultimately. Even if you chose to not believe the s3 finale flashbacks as being objective, there’s something wrong with Zarkon. (It’s clear that the show thought using Coran was a smart way to shell off massive amounts of info, because clearly if this were truly in Coran’s perspective, we would NOT have had intimate looks into Zarkon and Honerva’s bedroom as Zarkon is tending to her, like omg.) Numerous sources, histories, and cultures outside of Coran confirm that Zarkon hit a point of no return on the evil scale, and that he projected his own blame for Daibazaal’s destabilization onto Alfor in order to raise up his new regime in the name of Quintessence™.

So at the end of the day, even Alfor was a victim. But yet somehow, various antis choose to believe Zarkon’s victim-punishing narrative because said antis can’t or else refuse to connect one scene to another since it undermines their justifications for why they can hate on Allura. And that’s not so much an issue with the story itself as it is just poor critical analysis or malicious weaponization of content against other fans.

Now, at this point, we’ve talked about Allura and we’ve talked about Altean history. I have numerous other posts about Allura’s interactions with other races and Galrans and overcoming trauma to give the entire universe a second chance. So if there is anything in this show that suggests Alteans were in any way a superior race, then it’s probably within the show’s own worldbuilding. The show contradicts its own definitions of what quintessence even is by suggesting Alteans have “bluer/purer quintessence” in order to justify why Lotor would even be trying to sacrifice them for anything. The show-championed concept that Alteans have a bluer, purer life force above all other people, and that only Altean energy could interface with the fabric of space-time. Now, this is a problem in the later seasons’ world building itself. And you know who wrote that in? The production team. So once again, we do have racial issues in this show, in ways that shows like Star Wars desperately try avoid by showing racial diversity in who has Midi-chlorians.

That said, I’m not a perfectly woke storyteller either. I think every story and show is going to have something problematic™, but with VLD it’s very clear that its disrespectful handling of genocide politics and shatterglass conspiracy theories, on top of its weird master race angle created the perfect storm. These mishandled and quirky details have created a cognitive dissonance with the provided narrative, resulting in some people in the anti fandoms to champion what aligns very closely to actual neo-Nazi propaganda against Jews, who according to them are not victims but instead the true perpetrators of all bad things. For the sake of the antis, I’m pretty sure they’re not intentionally looking at VLD this way and are probably just looking for any easily graspable reason to hate on Allura for interfering with their ship or something.

But this kind of subliminal propaganda that undermines victims, and the effect it has had on fandom morality politics, is deeply concerning to me. I really wish that we’d had an opportunity to respectfully and critically discuss this with the production team of the show, because a Y7-FV show about “strength in unity” should NOT result in us needing to have a conversation about people walking away with neo-Nazi-ish propaganda sentiments against genocide survivors. Like. Clearly, VLD is fictional, but it’s feeding into a real-life beast that it does NOT need to feed. And it’s keeping alive ongoing conspiracy narratives against some of our most vulnerable populations on the planet.

So, we need better stories. We need a production team that, if they’re going to get paid to do something involving portrayals of genocide and politics, that they need to do their research on those topics. Nobody is going to be perfect with a creation, but VLD validated some very damaging things—and it ALL is something that could have been fixable. I think it would have been incredibly validating to hear the production talk about and accept that these were issues that cropped up unintentionally, and to hear them confirm that these issues are not the sorts of things that VLD was supposed to champion.

The greatest tragedy of all of this is the potential that this show had to really champion some great and validating messages, and the potential that we as a fandom had to come together and do something that fandom was meant to do—which was celebrate the things we love. Because that’s why we’re all here. That’s why this crazy tumblr of mine even exists. It was supposed to celebrate things.

For that reason, I’m going to end this here. I’ve written several responses now as to my thoughts on the inappropriate narrative lens of the show, its contradictory and damaging worldbuilding about the purest race, and how it champions demonizing or punishing genocide survivors again and again. Within all of that, I’ve talked at length about Allura’s character and behavior over 8 seasons and how she built even empathetic connections with militant Galrans like Commander Lahn. In fact even her own homesickness is how she emotionally connects with Lahn, because she understands that desire to call something one’s own. To have a home. A family.

I now really would like to get back to writing stories that I find meaningful to me using these characters and these worlds—and trying to find the hope in all of this darkness, haha. And maybe with any luck, I can hope to do VLD some justice, knowing that I am still on a learning journey as well.

But I appreciate your note, and I hope this very extensive response helps to settle your questions and concerns once and for all regarding VLD Allura. If you should have any remaining questions, please feel free to reach out via a private message to discuss. Thank you!

[abbyfreemansmind]

Let’s talk about Hazbin Hotel

So, I finally sat down and watched Hazbin Hotel. I’d heard so much about it and felt the need to launch myself headfirst into having my own opinions about it instead of just listening to other people talking about it. This is gonna be a long post, so I’m gonna put it behind a neat little read more. Please note that this is coming from someone who genuinely enjoys adult humour and edgy humour and themes. I’ve got no problem with something that’s all swearing and raunchy jokes. It just needs to be done right.

Point 1 - The Plot The plot is describes as the Princess of Hell trying to open a new hotel to rehabilitate sinners so they don’t get exterminated during the yearly heavenly extermination to deal with Hell’s overpopulation problems. This plot is quickly undone through a few things that anyone can notice during the first viewing. 1 - Overpopulation? WHAT population? The scenery is most often noticeably devoid of any signs of life, outside of when background characters are called for. The scene where Charlie’s doing her news presentation is the most notable example of background characters. After this scene, we see almost nobody outside of the main cast and those weird little egg things. There are a few throwaway demons but outside of that, the streets are devoid of people. There aren’t even the corpses we had just seen during that opening scene. 2 - Charlie may as well be a total nobody what with all the power being the Princess of Hell holds. Just look at how the other characters treat her. You’d think the Princess of Hell would have some kind of benefit that would sway people towards agreeing with this whole idea. Instead, she gets mocked by just about everyone for reasons I can only guess involve winning her sympathy points from the audience. 3 - At no point does she give any proof that redemption would work. She basically says, “Hey guys! I hate seeing you all die, so I have this idea that has no backing evidence, that may or may not work, to try and get you guys into Heaven! Let me sing a song about it where I insult you all!”

Point 2 - Presentation I applaud the animators. Must’ve been hard, especially for Charlie’s overly fast song that really didn’t need to be nightcored, or literally any time Angel Dust was on-screen. Frame by frame. No rigs. All those stripes. All those colours that blend if you stare at them too hard or squint even slightly while watching. All that unnecessarily constant movement. It’s no wonder the thing took four bloody years to animate. Outside of animation, there are too many unneeded details and not enough needed details. Seriously. 1 - The turf war. We didn’t need this. We didn’t need this at all. If you take out the entire opening to it and the entire actual fight scene here, the episode still flows smoothly and we get the same amount of information and worldbuilding. In a pilot/first episode, you should only give the audience necessary details. Leave them wanting more, yes, but make sure they actually know what they’re getting into from the first episode. Make every scene count. Make it mean something. Don’t just shove every detail you can think of together and call it a day, especially if you don’t actually give the audience much information from it. 2 - Why is Hell overpopulated? Why isn’t Heaven? Why can angels go from Heaven to Hell, but demons can’t go from Hell to Heaven? Why does nobody care about being redeemed if Hell is so overpopulated that Angels annually come down and kill people because of it? Why does everyone treat the Princess of Hell like she’s worthless? Why doesn’t Angel Dust know about Alastor if they got into hell within 10 years of each other? Where is this supposed overpopulation problem? Would redemption even work in the first place? Why should I care about most of these characters (who are mostly complete jerks with no redeeming qualities other than “PROTAGONIST”, especially when two of the fan favourites repeatedly sexually assault other characters and, in one case, is both sexist and racist at one point)? Why are there turf wars? I should not be having to ask these questions. Don’t hold the audience’s hand, but don’t leave every single question you present in the show unanswered. Some of the questions presented make absolute sense to leave unanswered. Why does Alastor want to help with the hotel? Why are characters like Vaggie and Niffty, who do nothing all that bad, in Hell? These are questions that make total sense to leave unanswered for now. 3 - What crime is too terrible to be redeemed for? Charlie seems to think that literally everyone can be redeemed. That means murderers, rapists, abusers, tormentors... Certainly her song holds some kind of key to figuring it out! “Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac” Hmm... Okay... “All of you cretins, sluts and losers, sexual deviants and boozers” Uh... “So, all your cartoon porn addictions, vegan rants, psychic predictions Ancient Roman crucifixions end right here All you monsters, thieves and crazies, cannibals and crying babies" Oh... Also, did she imply that mental illness, alcoholism, drug dependency, plant-based diets/lifestyles, rabies and enjoyment of sex were sins in that song?

Point 3 - Edgy for the sake of edgy Hazbin Hotel tries to be an adult cartoon, but comes off as something a mentally disturbed teenager wrote during their emo/scene phase. 1 - The swearing and sex jokes. Oh boy. I’ve worked with children under the age of 15 who swear and crack sex jokes better than the adults in this show. The swearing and sex jokes are the only reasons this show couldn’t be aired as a Cartoon Network show aimed at edgy teenagers. It’s so poorly done that it in and of itself takes away from the quality of the show itself. Also, we have a character who’s name is an actual sex joke itself. Vaggie, full name Vagatha - a lesbian sex worker, of course. Fun fact for those who don’t know, but all of her previous character drafts had her name as some form of joke on the word vagina. This isn’t an accident, this is blatant and intentional. Also, here’s a pro tip for you! You can make an adult-oriented show without having swearing, slurs and sex jokes taking up a solid third or more of your script. 2 - The... “Representation”. Yes, Hazbin Hotel has LGBT+ characters! Yes, it has biracial and Latina characters! Charlie is bi, Vaggie is a Latina lesbian, Angel Dust is a gay man, Alastor is ace and biracial, Husk is pan, Niffty is Japanese (YIKES). Except none of it actually matters. No, really. Vivziepop was all like, “btw you can ship w/e, idc! also, i rlly like the fanon version of human alastor (who is whiter than marshmallow fluff even though he’s supposed to be half black)! :)” and threw all that out the window because... Who knows at this point. Now, if you look at the connected series, Helluva Boss, you get Moxie and Millie - an extremely obvious and loving couple. In Hazbin Hotel, you get Charlie and Vaggie who you probably couldn’t tell were a couple without somebody telling you that in the first place, what with all the loveydovey-ness going on with them. In fact, the biggest hint we even get is literally one line. “Life ain’t a musical, hun.” But then again, I’d be more apt to believe Charlie and Vaggie are friends, or Vaggie is pining after Charlie. Also, Charlie is a really bad girlfriend! She lets Vaggie get abused by practically the entire cast without so much as a single word in her defense and ignores everything Vaggie says. It came as no surprise when I remembered hearing about how the only reason these two are a couple is because one of the people on the team thought they were during storyboarding and Vivziepop just went with it. Also, fun fact, Vaggie fits both the angry lesbian and fiery Latina stereotypes. Charlie fits the stereotype for the bisexual cheater, what with how she seems to actually like Alastor more than her own bloody girlfriend. Alastor is canonically ace because he’s too full of himself to be with anyone else. Speaking as somebody who’s ace... WHAT?! As much as I don’t like Charlastor, it’s partially more popular than Chaggie because Vivziepop actually made them act like a couple for an entire musical number. Also, he’s annoying. He not only kept telling Vaggie to smile (heck you dude), he also smacked her butt, which is a form of sexual assault, people. This was all played for laughs, along with Vaggie’s (actually very reasonable) anger. Niffty is Japanese. A yellow-skinned demon who’s boy crazy and obsessed with cleaning... Big yikes. Finally, Angel Dust. The kinky gay man porn star/drag queen/drug addict/prostitute who verbally sexually assaulted two guys. Where do I begin. When it came to this guy, Vivziepop must’ve been like, “Imma throw every stereotype for gay men on this guy and call it a character!” If you look a Helluva Boss again, you get Stolas, who verbally sexually assaults Blitzo over the phone and also cheated on his wife with him in the first place, so this isn’t a one-off. Also, he was originally AFAB, so that whole line about “Why are you all women?” is more than a little heinous and in extremely poor taste.

In conclusion, this show is terrible. Everything about it. It needs some serious reworking, because as it stands, it’s really truly not that great of a creation.

tl;dr: Needs a lot of work and “ThEy’Re In HeLl!!1!!one!!!eleven!!!11″ isn’t even remotely an excuse for the genuine problems in it. Remember, at least one actual human being on Earth, not in Hell, wrote this garbage fire. Also, the animators deserve a higher wage than whatever they’re getting to deal with these designs. I shudder just thinking about animating them, with or without a rig.

[cooltrainererika]

Alt-talia Compilation: December Fun

Well, it’s already New Years for me. Fortunately this is the last story I want to get out since I’m delaying Key to Zorn part 2 again. Hooray. All I need to do is that alternate ending and I’m done! Goodbye 2019! 

This compilation is three super short fics: December 22, 2019: Snowball fight/Skiing/Christmas without snow. The first two are for Skiing, the last one is Christmas Without Snow, though it could also be filed against “Decorations”. While admittedly the first two aren’t Christmas related, the last one is so hopefully it still counts. 

Btw this is a semi-AU. I don’t have time to explain, so those unfamiliar with it, please reference my other works. 

And the awful titles are especially bad this time around. And the writing quality is super rough. Still, I don’t really have much time here. 

Name key: Denmark: Simon, Norway: Lukas

So without further ado, happy new year! 

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This is a message from the event holder:

I would like to ask one thing (but this isn’t part of the rules, so don’t worry) , if it is not too demanding… please, if you like someone’s work say it (comment), I personally think that put only a “heart” on it doesn’t make enough justice for the artist. I mean… as an active fan that contributes for the Hetalia’s fandom… a “heart” means nothing to me, at least reblog it. “Creators” get demotivated and sincerely it doesn’t hurt be nice to others. Of course, this is my opinion and a selfish request, so I won’t expect too much.

Please listen to them, I would really appreciate it. 

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Skiing Lessons

“Orv... You make it look so easy!”

Lukas seemed to glide across the snow, the boy weaving between thin trees agilely as if it took him no effort. 

Simon could only admire his Union-Brother’s skills; he had to observe closely, after all. 

That morning, Simon had finally decided to ask him about it; Lukas’ skiing had helped him in so many wars over the years. While Simon was considered to be part of Scandinavia, his land being as flat and close to the ocean as it was, the art of skiing was never something he had to learn; Lukas was different. On the snow, where horse hooves sunk impotently, he commanded the ski as his steed. Ever since he was very young, he had used them not only to run circles around his enemies, but as one of his companions in daily life. 

“Teach you?”

“Yeah! You’re so good at it, and it’s helped us in so many wars, so… could you? Please?”

Lukas had nodded. 

“Mmm. No problem. I have a few boards as spares. Though it’s not easy. I’ll warn you.”

So now, here they were, up north. 

And indeed, it was much harder than it looked. 

For the fifth time that day, Simon fell facefirst into the snow. 

Lukas shook his head like a monk chastising a child. 

“Get up!”

“I’m trying!”

“Danmark, you’re not supposed to put that much weight on your feet. You’re supposed to glide atop the snow. Don’t dig in too much. Let the snow carry you.”

“Right…”

He pushed himself along. 

“Glide... Glide atop the snow...Wait... I think I’m getting the hang of it!”

Mmmm. That’s it... follow me.”

“I can do it! Look Norge, I’m doing it-“

And then he fell into the snow again. 

“It’s not that easy.”

Lukas pulled him out of the snow, his Union-Brother’s face having gone pink from the coldness but still determined 

“We’re doing it again.”

“Yessir!”

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Alpine Rivals

Austria and Switzerland cascaded down the mountain, dodging everyone on the slope as they went with masterful skill. 

The two raced neck-and neck, the freezing air whistling past, nipping their cheeks, through the hair that wasn’t tucked inside their helmets. 

Italy had been close behind, but in a moment of distraction had reverted to his klutzy self; a split second which had proved disastrous, and sent him falling into the snow with his feet sticking out like a cartoon, and now he was way behind, desperately trying to catch up. Poland was a close third, wrestling his place with Bavaria, and France and Germany were a few meters behind those two. However, especially as the Nordics were taking a different course on the other side of the mountain, the undoubted champions here were Austria and Switzerland, as they long had always been.

But even if the Nordics were racing with them, it was entirely possible they would still be left in the dust. For they were the Alpine duo; the only ones who even rivaled, even surpassed, Norway himself in the ancient sport of downhill skiing.  

But as usual, Switzerland seemed to be winning this time. There was a reason he had the most Alpine skiing medals in the Olympics. 

Austria wasn’t giving up so easily though; when it came to skiing, his suppressed competitiveness had a rare opportunity to shine. And best friend or no, or especially because of that, it wasn’t over until the end of the slope. 

He was certain that Bavaria was going to complain about it after all of this as he usually did though. His father wasn’t exactly known for being humble.  

“See you at the bottom!”

“Gah! Get back here!”

Soon, the foot of the mountain came into view, flattening to soften the landing. 

Almost there…

Wait, was that…

Snow flew in waves as Switzerland skidded to a halt. 

“Eek!”

An extremely familiar voice squeaked. 

When the snow cleared, standing there, brushing herself off, in her skis, was Liechtenstein. 

“Look, look! I won! Finally! I told you I practiced!”

Switzerland raised his goggles, his jaw ajar. 

“...Since when were you here?”

“About a minute ago?”

They heard the loud muffled sounds of snow crunching as Austria skidded to a stop above them.

“Österreich... It’s Liechtenstein. She won.”

“...Mein Gott. Goodness. I did know you were quite good, but…”

Her cheeky grin widened. 

“I’m Alpine too, you know!”

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Starry Streets of Tropical Bethlehem 

Now, think of Christmas. What do you think of? 

Not just the trees, the music, or even the religious elements. What is expected of the scenery outside? 

Snow, of course. Without snow, Christmas just seems so incomplete. 

Most of us aren’t fortunate enough to experience a white Christmas, however, there is something inseparable about these two things in our minds.  

Or so it seems. For one nation, while knowing little of snow, may be one of the biggest lovers of Christmas of all. 

“YEHEY! YEHEY! IT’S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!”

Others looked on in confusion as the personification of the Philippines barreled through the halls as soon as the meeting got out. 

It wasn’t too long until she had crashed into America, sending papers flying everywhere. 

“GAH! Whoa! Whoa! Hey, slow down!”

“I can’t wait! It’s almost Pasko!”

“Wha?”

“Christmas!”

America stared at her in confusion. South Korea was standing above, his face blank as he processed what just happened. 

“...Wha? But it’s September! I swear, Christmas gets earlier every year, but I didn’t think it was this bad!”

“What do you mean, Kuya America? Of course it’s long! All my people come home on Christmas! ...Ay! There’s something I want to show everyone.”

She reached into her purse and pulled out a flyer; a clearly handmade one, with just a date, location, and absolutely nothing else. 

“Come to San Fernando on the Saturday two weeks before Christmas! I’m inviting the rest of ASEAN too!”

“Wha?! What are we being invited to?!”

“It’s a surprise!”

“She always is so excited, this time of year…”

Then, she grabbed South Korea as well, thrusting the “flyer” into his hand, her dark brown eyes sparkling. 

“You come too, Kuya! Please?!”

“I… I presume so…”

“Yehey! See you!”

With that, she ran off. 

———————--------------------------------------------

For Philippines, Christmas started at the beginning of September in the truest sense of the word; the carols started, everyone broke out the trees, and talk of presents was fresh on everyone’s mind. 

For some, this may have seemed absurd. However, even without the snow, even without many Christmas trappings, she never tired of this festive, yet sacred atmosphere which enveloped her islands for half a year. 

———————--------------------------------------------

Even in the middle of December, it was warm in the Philippines. 

Though everyone expected it, actually experiencing it was a bit strange for America, though Australia seemed to not notice any difference. And poor Japan looked like he was going to melt. 

For some ASEAN members, those who could afford to come anyway, the festive Christmas cheer emanating from everywhere was an unusual sight in it of itself. 

So many other people had already gathered around them under the San Fernando sky, mostly locals. 

“So… what are you goin’ to show us, hermana?”

Philippines grinned a wide grin. 

“You’ll see, Kuya Mehiko! Oh, it’s starting!”

Just as the music started, she threw open her arms. 

“...NARITO! MALIGAYANG PASKO!”

And immediately, like that, as her voice boomed into the air, everything lit up. 

Star-shaped, intricate fractals of light, red, orange, blue, green, yellow, white, silver, gold, big and small, arranged in beautiful designs. 

They moved, spinning and dancing as they lit up the night. 

A collective gasp took over them as stars lit everything in their field of vision. 

“...It’s… it’s awesome!”

“See? I told you! I told you!”

And so, under a tropical urban December sky, a starry night shined brightly not above, but right on Earth. 

[spaceorphan18]

I don't follow anyone that believes in this "theory" that Darren and Chris are secretly together, so I find the whole thing confusing (and deeply bizarre) Do you know if any of them have articulated why they think these two people would go through this much trouble and involve so many other people for so many years to hide their relationship?

I’ll preface this with - I’m not a psychologist, so all of this is armchair psychology, and I understand the twisted curiosity of – how can these people believe in such nonsense?  It reminds me a lot of – people who believe the Earth is flat, people feel the moon landing was faked, people who believe the orange cheeto-in-chief can do a good job.  It’s a microcosmic look at how people essentially get so brainwashed into believing a thing so strongly that for them it becomes a reality.  I hope you don’t mind me indulging a little - and kind of exploring the psychology behind this stuff.  

First, I wanna say there are three-ish groups - there are the people who know RPF is not real, and specifically just write fiction because they find it fun.  Most of the tinhatters are not these people.  Unfortunately, most (not all) of the people who still dabble in Glee RPF are enablers, in a way, and don’t seem to care that these other people are overly invested in their subjects.  The second group are the True Believers.  They 100% believe Chris and Darren are in a relationship.  (More on them later).  And there’s a third group – and I only have a theory that they exist, not proof, is that there’s a subsection of the second group that know that Chris and Darren aren’t in a relationship but a) enjoy the power of leading the rest of the followers and/or b) want to hold on to this fantasy because it’s more appealing to them.  

Anyway - what the tinhatters are, actually, are a bonafide cult.  

Cult definition according to Google Dictionary: 

a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object.“the cult of St. Olaf”

a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister.“a network of Satan-worshiping cults"synonyms:sect, denomination, group, movement, church, persuasion, body, faction"a religious cult”

a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing.“a cult of personality surrounding the leaders"synonyms:obsession with, fixation on, mania for, passion for, idolization of, devotion to, worship of, veneration of"the cult of eternal youth in Hollywood”

So.  I don’t know the exact science behind this but (I promise I’m not making this up) – the human brain sees patterns.  For most of human history - it’s been helpful.  However, it has kind of a strange side effect of – we start to see patterns when they aren’t really there.  Such as – hey, the burn mark on this grilled cheese sandwich looks like Jesus! Well, no, that burn mark is just a burn mark - but it’s shape is familiar to something you already know, hence your brain makes the connection. 

I don’t know where the origin of this story is, I wasn’t around when it became a thing, but from what I can tell - the story is that when Darren started on Glee, he had to hide his sexuality because there was a contract between – Fox? Ryan Murphy? His manager Ricky? I don’t fully understand who the evil PR people are in this scenario.  I don’t, also now that I think of it, really understand when Darren was supposed to have started dating Chris, ether.  I think it was Never Been Kissed week - but I don’t go far into their mythos.  And Mia was brought on as Darren’s beard to keep the secret alive.  

Is any of this probable? No.  Is any of this real? No.  A logical (and sane) person would look at the facts presented and see what reality is.  Darren says he’s straight and in a long term relationship with a woman named Mia.  That’s the simple truth.   But they’ve built such a deep narrative, and confined themselves in their own circle – to the point where they feel they are in an us against them scenario – that they’re almost unable, at this point, to be told anything but what they feel is true to be true.  One thing about cults – is that the only person who can get someone out is that person, unfortunately.  

In addition – there’s something about being a part of this that makes them feel special.  On their own, the conspiracy might just be another crazy conspiracy.  But if other people feel that way, well then it’s okay to indulge, it’s okay to really believe.  

The crux of this whole thing is that they these people want (or need - now that they’ve reached cult-like brainwashing status) Darren to be gay…or not straight.  That seems to be the biggest fixation.  And kind of like the crazies who thought the world was gonna end ind 2012 because of an ancient Mayan calendar - they feel that there will be a point where Darren ‘comes out’.  (It’s always soon, btw.)  But the okay now moment always gets pushed back.  It’s something that’s never gonna come, though, which makes these people’s lives sad, really.  

But I digress.  They’ve receded so far into this fantasy at this point that I don’t think Chris even matters to them much anymore.  I don’t think the story of Klaine matters much more than this is Darren and Chris making out.  I don’t think they even like Darren all that much, because he keeps disappointing them by not coming out.  They’re so fixated on Darren being gay that they’ve lost sight of everything except that one particular point.  

And they’ve wrapped themselves up in this pattern-seeking mentality.  Everything they twist to fix their own narrative.  As I joked about the Oscars - Chris wore blue and Darren wore red.  And we often saw, in Glee, Chris in blue and Darren in red.  The reality of it is - with their skin tones, the costume designers and the personal stylists know that blue looks good on Chris and Darren looks good in red.  But to a tinhatter - you have to make that fit your narrative.  Chris and Darren wore blue and red respectively on Glee, and now they wore it at the Oscars, it’s another sign of their secret love.  And, etc, etc with all the nonsense they’ve said over the years. 

So now, finally, to your question: 

Do you know if any of them have articulated why they think these two people would go through this much trouble and involve so many other people for so many years to hide their relationship?

Essentially, what they’ll tell you if you asked, is because it needs to fit the narrative – Darren is gay, so all those people being involved has to be true.  They want (need) Darren to be gay, so they literally have to twist reality to make it work. And the twisting is that all of these people, as highly improbable as it is, would be in on the conspiracy.  

The question I’ve always pondered is… why do they need Darren to be gay?  And I’m sure each have their own reason - from just not liking Mia, to some thinking Glee should be a documentary, to them liking the idea of Darren making out with men instead of women, etc, etc. (Or more so - why do they need to have Chris and Darren be in love?  Why is fictional Klaine not enough?)  But I guess that’s the biggest part that trips me up.  Why is reality worse for them than this made up fantasy land? 

The unfortunate thing is that most of them don’t realize or understand the real world consequences they’ve had.  Chris withdrew inward to get away from them.  Mia has endured a lot of shit because of them.  And there seem to be these extremists in every fandom - so it’s not a Glee specific thing, even if we’re directly effected by these particular ones.  

I think, as an aside, I also find it sad, and further frustrating, that there’ve been signs that some people begin to understand reality, questioning whether they’re right or not, and there are a few ring-leaders who – (whether they’re part of group two or group three I’m unsure) who pull them back in.  And thus makes it a cult.  Hey - Chris sounds sincere about just being friends!  Nope - you’re just seeing things, Chris is lying because he’s an actor and he secretly loves Darren.  Or… Darren looks so depressed with Mia (on a picture where he’s clearly in love with her).  And those ringleaders are really the ones that keep the followers in line.  It’s a cult.  And I hate that.  

What also makes it sad is that these people are so deeply invested that for some of these hard core believers - questioning the foundation of this reality almost breaks their brain – like they can’t comprehend the truth - because if they did, they’d have to reexamine the amount of time and energy spent on this false thing, and they’d rather have the security blanket of someone telling them they’re right instead facing that they’ve essentially been brainwashed - or have to face a reality they don’t really want.  

I mean think about the fact that Darren could have a kid with Mia, or personally tell them that he is not in love/in a relationship with Chris, and they still would not believe him.  Nothing, at this point, except themselves, can pull them out of it.  

It’s also so weird, and frustrating for us, and I wish they’d give it up, but unfortunately, I think a lot of them will be still stuck in their cult long after the rest of us have moved on.  But hopefully helps you understand how they got this way.  And how answering the question of ‘why’ is so complex. 

[theoscout]

do not reblog

There's a channel called misha miraculous who uploads ancient film reels about a character named Whirl, who looks like a fantasy version of an anglerfish. He's a MASSIVE JERK for a cartoon, and I'd say he was made in around 194x (AFTER wwii). Acts like Woody Woodpecker does. According to his creator (Paul), he's a berberoka. Paul was originally aiming to be a horror artist to try and put the trauma he's suffered through life into artwork, however at the time most publishers only published horror comics of a particular style. Paul couldn't make his drawings that style, but he tried very hard and was left with a series of drawings that looked the same. Realising he could get into animation instead of horror comics, he repurposed the stories he had written about Whirl (real name Whirlpool but no one aside from Paul knows that) and began to make short films about Whirl.

Whirl is obviously a villian protagonist that people aren't intended to sympathise with. Instead, according to Paul, they are intended to sympathise with the people he hurts along the way. Paul said in interviews in the reels that sometimes there are villians in life that you can't escape from no matter how much you hate them or wish you could, and he wanted his work to show that. But he also wanted to show that said villians could be beaten and weren't invincible. Paul explains that berberoka in mythology are cryptids that would suck the water out of swamps and let all the dead fish lie at the bottom, to lure in fishermen to collect the fish. Once they were within range the berberoka would release all the water and attack and eat the fishermen while they were struggling with the influx of water. He designed Whirl to look like an anglerfish because they too lure in their prey before eating them. Whirl was never seen directly killing anyone in the cartoons, but he was a tricky kind of sadist who liked to pull people into playing awful kinds of games. (Whirl is magic and goes by whatever gender suits him at the time btw) She would do things like make miraculous inventions that in secret would make the lives of the person she sold them to far worse.

Whirl's inventions were like Wile.E.Coyote in terms of absurdity, but the difference was that they almost always worked perfectly until the victim figured out a way to turn them against her and escape his influence. So Whirl was quite a bit darker than most cartoon protagonists at the time.

Paul said that he had based Whirl off many people he actually knew, and that he didn't feel confident enough to write other central characters. He had anxiety which gave him self confidence issues and often led to him thinking of only the worst case scenarios which he would then fuel for his cartoon series. He argued against people who thought that having a berberoka as a character in a cartoon would be too dark for audiences by saying that the brothers Grimm would write tales far darker than what he did, and people tell them to their children all the time anyway.

Now for more on Paul and his family. Paul Fernsby was the middle child of a pair we shall call Mr and Mrs Fernsby. Their oldest child, Sean Fernsby, passed away around 5 years ago due to organ failure caused by severe stress and alcoholism. Their youngest child, Carrie Fernsby, is a mechanic. She struggled frequently in her job and school due to the stronger gender discrimination there, and as a result had to share a home with Paul in order to be more financially stable. Mr and Mrs Fernsby are AWFUL people. They aren't evil, they're the kind of insufferable pricks that think they're morally above everyone and that they're always right. Sean always wanted to be a dancer, for instance, but Mr and Mrs thought that was a job unsuitable for a man and refused to let him dance, instead forcing him to cut contact with all of his friends and force him to study to become a mechanic. Carrie and Paul both strongly believe that this played a major role in Sean's fall into alcoholism, but Mr and Mrs are still in denial. They insist that they *extended* Sean's life, and that Sean was just unhealthy to begin with and that a life on the stage would have killed him quicker. So they haven't learned anything about his death. What's more, despite opposing Carrie's early attempts to be a mechanic and trying to force her into being an obedient housewife for a future husband, when she finally got successful they took all the credit for her success and said that she was delusional and complained too much.

As for Paul? Well, Paul's a special case.

From a young age he had a special gift. The ability to see and hear things that no one else could. As a child he would frequently point out ghosts and fey that he occasionally saw in gardens or staring from nature reserves from a distance away, but no one else saw them so he kept his mouth shut. Originally his parents would yell at him for drawing when he could have been studying, so as a teenager he left offerings for the fey and asked for advice. And one day... something ancient and powerful began to answer him.

The creature identified itself as a pelagic god, but more specifically a ghost of one. According to the creature, it was once extremely powerful and was a tyrant of the land with it's powers thriving off the spread of fear. but eventually the people who once knew about it moved or passed away and it faded into weakness and irrelevency. So in exhange for making people fear it again, the god would grant Paul the power to live life as he pleased. Paul knew enough about fey to keep himself safe, and he kept the god a secret from everyone. The god didn't care what was going on in the cartoons, only provided that people feared her avatar. And Paul could provide for that just fine.

Eventually, Paul felt safe enough to confide in Carrie about the existence of the god, and Carrie built a special machine that would allow the god to communicate easier with people. They set very strict rules about how much communication there was, because neither of them trusted the god enough to let it close to them. Plus, with the success from the cartoons, the god was growins stronger.

The god granted Paul with massive viewer success the stronger it grew, and a lot of luck. No one knew about its existence, but the fear and awe from the cartoons would be enough to sustain it. Though they worked for each other in a mutually beneficial way, they still held a great deal of mistrust. Paul did not trust the god and some of her suggestions to problems he had were extremely disturbing. Plus, she had threatened to curse a number of people who 'got in the way' of Paul, and Paul had retaliated by threatening to stop producing the cartoon if she did that. Meanwhile, the god had been asking for Paul to reveal its existence so that more fear would be caused, or commit a crime, which he obviously refused.

Actually you know what? Forget the stuff I wrote about the pelagic god earlier, I got something that makes more sense.

Paul nicknames the deity the Unsiren because sirens are mythological creatures who sing to lure people onto rocks to drown, and the deity is a creature that screams from a cave to frighten away people and warn of dangerous currents. Unsiren was the deitiy who lived by the sea and was associated with fear, loud noises and the ocean. The tribe who lived there were constantly in danger from the sea, which they relied on for food but was too unpredictable for them to approach safely. Due to the geography of the underwater coastline, the tides were extremely unpredictable at random times of the day with little to no pattern. Think of the Bolten Strid from Britan- an innocuous looking stream which is actually a massive canyon filled with rapids that sucks you under and kills you the moment you set foot in it. That was how dangerous the water around the coast was.

But there was one way to tell about the danger. There was a cave in the side of the cliff, and at certain points when water would rush through it a certain way, the sounds produced sounded like whispering or roaring from some terrifying beast. At first the tribespeople feared the unseen creature, but eventually they learned to intrepret the noises of the ocean into ways that would lead them to fish safely. Their explanation for the sounds was that a massive creature who was too frightening to look at was trapped behind the raging rapids by some malicious fey, but then learned to use its frightening voice for good by warning people of the dangerous tide. So they prayed to the sea cave and the monster murmering behind the rocks to be there to warn of any changes in the tide, and would throw offerings of food into the sea in order to earn its favor.

But centuries of erosion meant that eventually, the sea cliffs that mutilated the dangerous currents and gave the sea cave its voice no longer existed. So with that, the stories of the great beast hiding beyond the rapids began to fade away, and so did their desire for the Unsiren to speak for them. The stories began to grow increasingly obscure, until one day the tribe went to war with invaders and suffered heavy losses. The few who still retained knowledge of the beast beyond the cave no longer existed to spread the story, and the creature faded into a strange purgatory.

The Unsiren isn't evil, but she is frightening by nature. She will go for the hard truth over any sugarcoated encouragement any day, and isn't afraid to speak up. Paul's ability to see into her realm and speak with the inhabitence there interested her greatly, and so did his desire to create. She made a deal with him to prevent herself from dying completely: provided that he could create a series that carried on her life's work, she would reward him with safety and stability whenever she could.

Her life's work was simply warning people about danger. More specifically water related dangers, but she could adapt to that. Paul designed Whirl in mind as a personified representation of the dangerous currents which now no longer existed, choosing him to be a berberoka because that seemed like the best fit. And Whirl's cartoons were made to warn about a variety of dangers, to children and adults. Abusive relationships, kidnappers, dangerous situations, peer pressure etc. The Unsiren had an avatar within the cartoon series, but that wasn't Whirl as the audience might be lead to believe at first. Instead, she's the narrator character. The voice of reason that usually goes unlistened to until the very end. The one who existed in title cards, and as a kind of voiceover narrating the episodes sometimes while using Paul as a medium. No one figured out how Paul was able to make himself sound like that, not even him.

Paul still didn't fully trust Unsiren at first, but she acknowledges that it was wise on his part. After all, it's in her nature to be frightening. Even if she is anything but evil.

[applegelstore]

So we (=my sister plays, I watch her and do other stuff besides) have finally marathoned through Tales of Berseria (only the post-game sidequests left). So here’s excerpts of my final verdict (mostly in contrast to Zesty because sorry but I can’t help it. Plus, it’s the prequel for Maotelus’ sake). Cut for massive length and very heavy spoilers, obviously! No reviews, though, just incoherent ramblings. Many, many incoherent ramblings.

-The plot is indeed kinda more exciting than Zestiria. Which isn’t particularly hard. I mean there are many reasons why I love Zestiria, but the plot (and the villains) sure aren’t one of them. The plot was kinda just… there and didn’t do any harm, but honestly I could just have watched a 200 episode show of plotless party banter and would have enjoyed it just the same. The plot in neither game makes particularly much sense, tho.

-I have a billion questions and somehow most of them concern Zaveid’s gun in both games. Like, how does it actually work? It separates fusings, but it’s the basis for the invention of the armatus? Apparently it also boosts magic? Idk. And where does it come from? Let me guess, there was that super advanced sci-fi-civilization that lived on the planet like 20 000 years ago and is now forgotten *insert dramatic music here*

-How on earth did Velvet get out of that volcano…? But as long as Morgrim is safe, I’m good.

-On that note, Velvet literally screaming WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!! at the volcano made me kinda happy

-whenever she has facepalm/I’m so done/I’m surrounded by idiots moments, I feel her very much

-Despite the headscratchers, I’m totally digging the Berseria/Zestiria worldbuilding, like hell

-Sue me but I still like the Zestiria characters lightyears better than the Berseria characters. Mostly because they’re funnier, more relatable, and also because I honestly don’t like the Darker and Edgier trope. But also because the costume designs are goddamn awful, Magilou is an obnoxious pest, and it takes Eleanor far too many hours of game play to get that other people than abbey members have human rights (I ended up liking her in the end but honestly getting there was a pain). BTW yes, Velvet, Phi and Eleanor probs have more dramatic changes in personality over the course of the game than the Zesty squad combined, but can anybody explain to me what kind of character development Eizen, Rokurou and Magilou display? …Thought so. Also, no, dramatic 180° turn character development is NOT a prerequisite for good character writing in my opinion, thank you very much. I also think that mental breakdowns aren’t a prerequisite, just in case you were wondering. I’m honestly not a big fan of the Heroic B.S.O.D. trope, although there might be some exceptions where I thought it was well done. I still prefer to do without.

-At least I can tolerate Magilou and Eleanor now that the former got a backstory and the latter finally learned how not to be a dick

-Phi’s constant complaints that he doesn’t want to be treated like a child (I’ve got bad news for you sweetie, you’re TEN) do horrible things to my headcanon that he simply stays physically 10 for eternity, but don’t think I’d give up too soon

-however, I guess we can establish that he plays splatter games with a burning passion

-I am very glad that the monster doggies and the monster bird are safe and sound in the epilogue

-WHERE IS FIRE MUM

-How on earth do people defend the opinion that Berseria was less of a button smasher game than Zestiria?? Because honestly in Zestiria I never managed to win battles by doing nothing but frantically smashing X/Square/Triangle/Circle without any plan or order.

-THE BATTLE CAMERA IS SO MUCH BETTER THO I can control it freely! Oh bless the new camera. I want that so hard in Zestiria. It would help a bunch.

-the equipment upgrade and drop system is also a billion times more effective in the sense that you don’t have to carefully plan your fusings (guess who’s always too lazy to do that) and fruitlessly try to farm the drops for that for hours (guess who’s too lazy for that as well, and also helplessly underlevelled because she’s so lazy and ends up with bosses one or two hitting an armatus even on normal mode *coughs*). Bless.

-I mean the new equipment system in Berseria is basically Final Fantasy IX but for lazy noobs. There’s ups and downs to that, I guess?

-Meirchio is so goddamn pretty, I didn’t even realise that in ToZX. Guess I was distracted by how bad the trainwreck is. Anyway I love everything about this town

-Aball and its surroundings incl. Taliesin also deserve awards

-the dungeons and field areas weren’t anymore interesting than Zestiria, tho

-btw Aball=Avalon? Magical apple island and stuff? Just asking because honestly some of the Arthurian references are pretty obscurely named (it took me quite a while to get the Lastonbell=Glastonbury reference, too, trollolol. Anyone else reminded of Good old Ah! My Goddess translation sins? I mean, come on… Verdandi to Belldandy? Apparently, correctly transcribing Roman letters into Japanese script is even more difficult than Ancient Avarost)

-Morgrim, let me love you, please take all my blessings, you are purrfectly pleasantly plump and I want to cuddle you and give you kisses

-why exactly was Shigure one of the bad guys?? It still escaped me after we cut him in half, sacrificed his soul to some ancient deity, and killed his deceased, reincarnated, dragonised mum

-speaking of which, is it really clever to use the souls of your mortal enemies to revive gods that you want to be on your side!?

-anyway, screw you, Melchior, in particular

-Bienfu is a strong contender for most annoying mascot ever and I still wanted to throw him into the ocean hours into the game. I swear if I have to hear him yell BIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN just once more in my life I’m gonna punch the screen.

-I’m with Jude on the pengyons. I mean I guess killing and eating them is preferable to killing them but not eating them, but still. Everyone speaks about representation, where’s my representation? Is there a single JRPG in which at least one of the playable characters is a vegetarian?

-I was surprised how much I enjoyed the Jude and Milla cameo, cracktastic as it was. Milla was actually my favourite in Xillia, although I had and still have severe problems with her character. But here I only saw of her what I love about her, and it made me happy. You go, Milla

-The skit writing with the constant “all males are perverts”, “all women are deceitful whores” and “men and women are fundamentally different and will never understand each other or be friends unless they’re incestuous siblings” is goddamn awful, period.

-apparently if your vessel becomes malevolent even the tiniest bit (no need to go full tainted), that physically hurts your malak/seraph. I’m glad that doesn’t happen in Zesty.

-Zaveid. Buddy. I feel sorry for you. But it also kinda shocks me how fast you get over your girlfriend’s death. I also have bad news: Eizen’s little sister will still look like a 12-year-old in a 1000 years from now. I actually hope you’re NOT into that.

-btw Zaveid and Eizen jump from mortal enemies to true name basis pretty fast holy shit

-I wouldn’t have minded more Aifread’s Pirates shenigans and nobody is surprised

-I want the cracktastic enemy book back

-I want my elemental powers back. Fuck this don’t ya try to talk down my beloved Magical Dragqueen mode IT’S THE POWER OF LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE y’ignorants

-dear malak NPCs, thank you for establishing that the abbey version armatus is a sucky beta version which will be replaced with the awesome real thing in a couple of centuries, and will eventually symbolise harmony between humans and malakhim. Bonus points for carrying along the motherfucking Galahad ruins bow to drive home the point

-I’m a little too amused by the fact that the ending credit cards are a “everyone’s happy, nobody ever died, and everybody’s friends with each other” AU

-uhm, guys? Did they give Artorius’ sword to Sorey’s gay pride armatus in the anime? I didn’t like it even back then but now I hate it even more, pls no

-I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want

-I know there will never be a Zestiria sequel because it didn’t sell well enough for that, but just in case: the only premise I’ll accept is “Phi, Sorey and Mikleo free Velvet from her prison and finally tear Innominat apart for good”. I don’t know how that would work without killing Velvet and Phi, but hey, I’m sure we’re gonna find a solution because it’s as JRPG and all we need is the POWER OF LOVE *dundundundun*

Everyone is happy. Also what is this “reborn Malakhim aren’t the same people they died as anymore” crap, don’t give me this heartbreak material you assholes

-is it wrong if I wanna play Zestiria after finishing Berseria? Actually, we would have gotten there far sooner if I hadn’t insisted taking breaks so I could play a few hours of Zestiria in between. Whoops.

-my sister was worried that Phi would miss his auntie Velvet very much and suggested Sorey and Mikleo should adopt him once the sweet baby slumber party is over. At this point I’m wondering whether I should give her fanfic recs to brighten her days, or whether that will cause her to forever ban me from her Playstation and refuse to cook for me ever again

-after watching the Zesty DLC, she also told me: “I don’t know what was the point of it, but Rose and Alisha were very cute.” She’s on the path to righteousness.

[themyskira]

Wonder Woman #32

i hate this comic so much i hate everything hatehatehahtehahtehtahtehate

Previously: Because Geoff Johns hates us, Diana has a secret twin brother and Darkseid has a sexy evil half-Amazon daughter called Grail. Grail is now murdering demigods and feeding their tasty life essence to Darkseid, who is a baby (Johns again). Grail has just murdered Hercules. Hercules’ lawyer, Hercule Poirot, has informed Diana that she is heir to his estate.

ah for fuck’s sake we’re one page in and already we’ve been saddled with the fucking Oddfellows, aka the shitty expies of Sameer, Charlie and the Chief from the Wonder Woman movie.

For those sensible enough not to read Tim Seeley’s Wonder Woman: Steve Trevor oneshot, the Oddfellows are a team of… mercenaries? I guess? …who do off-the-books work for ARGUS. Because Tim Seeley forgot that Rebirth Steve doesn’t work for ARGUS, I guess.

Sameer isn’t so bad -- he’s a former Moroccan intelligence agent who “speaks twenty-four languages and [is] a con man in every single one”. A reasocnable modernisation of Sameer from the movie.

Charlie is essentially the same as his movie counterpart — an ex-sniper who is, and I quote, the “steadiest hand in the business unless he’s having a panic attack, which is often, or not drinking, which isn’t”.  This worked in the context of the movie, where in the midst of a world war Steve had to assemble a team quickly and completely off the books, and where the character served to illustrate to both Diana and the audience the terrible trauma of war. It makes zero fucking sense in the context of a private contractor working for a clandestine government agency, because what worldly motivation would ARGUS have to hand dangerous and sensitive missions to a man with debilitating PTSD and alcoholism?

And the Chief? The Chief is just fucking bananas.  He’s a former Shadow Wolves operative who used his skills to help refugees and illegal immigrants past the border before he was caught, and joined ARGUS to commute his sentence, which is fine. Except… he’s also creepily into explosives? And he’s an amateur jewellery designer who makes truly hideous accessories? Which also explode? A fact which we (and Steve) discover only after the Oddfellows find themselves cornered, and the Chief tells Steve to shoot the gross necklace he gave him, and after the smoke clears, Steve is like, “is everything you’ve ever given me a potential bomb?” and the Chief answers, completely seriously, “Of course. Why make things that don’t explode? Boring.”

w h a t t h e f u c k.

But anyway, we’re talking about this shitty comic.

The Oddfellows are storming the Paris Catacombs, where I guess Diana is fighting Parademons? Don’t know when that happened; the last thing I remember Hercule Poirot was informing Diana that she was heir to Hercules’ estate. I actually just had to check back to the previous issue to make sure I wasn’t missing anything.

Charlie is drunk, of course. Alcoholism is hilarious, guys.

Steve and the bloke on his radio exposition back and forth about how the Oddfellows are here as Diana’s escorts, and Diana flew on ahead to fight Parademons. “Why?” asks the bloke on the radio.

Steve: “Dumb question. There was a battle awaiting her… and she’s a warrior.” urgh. fuuuuuuuck offffffff.

The gents catch up with Diana, and Charlie storms in singing The Bonnie Banks o’ Loch Lomond because we’re going full drunk Scottish stereotype here.

I need to talk about this terrible dialogue, because who the fuck speaks like this while they’re locked in a rapid-pace sword fight with multiple flying monsterbeings?

“I admit it isn’t easy fighting Darkseid’s Parademons in such a confined space, Steve.”

Cut to four hours earlier, and Diana and Steve are at ARGUS Central Command. A bloke named Doctor Peril, who’s either unfortunately named or a supervillain-in-waiting, asks Steve how it feels to be working with ARGUS again, because Robinson also didn’t get the memo that Rebirth Steve was never an ARGUS agent. Honest to god, between this and Grail/Jason and the bullshit with Circe in Trinity— what is the point of soft-rebooting Wonder Woman if the changes aren’t communicated to anybody else writing those characters?

Robinson highlights the stupidity of this by having Doctor Peril address Steve as Colonel Trevor, and Steve respond by telling him, “I’m Navy now, so for one thing — if you say my rank, it’s Master Chief.” I don’t know much about the military, so perhaps I’m just ill-informed, but why would a highly-ranked Air Force commissioned officer transfer to the Navy in an enlisted pay grade? That… seems strange and implausible, and probably should have been a sign to Robinson that something wasn’t right.

I also think Robinson’s promoted Steve a few pay grades — prior to this he’s been referred to as “Chief”. If he’s in the Navy, that would make him a Chief Petty Officer (Master Chief is the highest enlisted rank).

ugh, these shitty minutiae keep distracting me from the shitty story. Okay. Doctor Panic or whatever is studying Hercules’ desiccated corpse. Conveniently, the thing that killed him has left an energy marker unique to Apokolips, which ARGUS just happens to have been monitoring religiously since the last time Darkseid attacked. Diana immediately concludes that this is Grail’s work, then explains to us who Grail is because none of us bothered to read Darkseid War.

When you continually feel the need wall-of-text expositioning at your readers about stuff that when down in a different comic, you’re probably not onto a winning story.

(Also, good god this art is ugly.)

Doctor Pitfall interrupts their expositioning to inform them the Hercules wasn’t the first victim and oh fuck me what other Greek demigods has Robinson senselessly murdered as set dressing for this shitty story?

…a lot of them, apparently. He leads Diana and Steve into a curiously large morgue, where fifteen bodies are laid out on tables.

More exposition. Doctor Pissweak tells Diana that Hercules is the only one they’ve ID’d because ARGUS already had intel on him, and the Ancient Greece connection was what led them to Diana. Diana says that she has an appointment with the Poirot-lookalike lawyer. Gosh, it’s so refreshing to finally read a superhero comic where people talk about information management and appointments, this is just the kind of exciting escapism I come to DC for.

Sadly, this thrilling back-and-forth is interrupted, as a man with a distracting pornstache bursts in to declare that more convenient Apokalyptian energy has been detected in Paris. Steve takes Pornstache’s tablet and is able to immediately surmise that, yes, it’s denizens of Apokalips, but no, there’s no victim this time, they’re just shit-stirring. Yes, he can tell this all from the energy signature, obviously.

Back to the present, and we’re subjected to more excruciating flirtatious dialogue between Steve and Diana.

Steve: You know, Angel… a lesser man might feel threatened by how often you pull my fat our of the fire. Diana: Firstly, Steve, you’re not fat. Steve: Figure of speech, Angel, I just meant— Diana: And I’m sure you’ll save my back. You usually do.

Things that irritate me about this:

I get that it’s their thing, that “Angel” has been Steve’s nickname for Diana since the Marston era, but when he uses it in every second sentence, it stops being endearing and just becomes insufferable.

Steve having to explicitly flag that he is not the kind of man who feels threatened by a more powerful woman.

Steve interrupting Diana to explain a very obvious figure of speech.

Diana’s first reaction being to reassure Steve that he’s not fat.

this fucking art what the fuck are these proportions why is her tiara so huge

Anyway, then Charlie pops back into to be obnoxiously Scottish while Diana smashes some Parademons, and then the fight’s over and I still have no idea what it was actually about.

Diana and Steve realise they haven’t expositioned for a few pages, so they pause in the aftermath to remind the reader that Hercules and a bunch of other people are dead, and Grail is involved but they don’t know how or why, and hey, remember back before this ARGUS detour when Diana was talking to that Poirot chappie? The one who told her she’s the heir to Hercules’ estate? Since he has no conceivable connection to Grail or Apokalips, maybe he’ll know what’s going on! I’m pretty sure that makes sense!

Also, editing fail: “I’d be with him now, in fact, if not for ARGUS summons and then this.”

Cut to Oregon, where Diana and Poirot are being driven to Hercules’ house. Poirot sips tea and is posh. Diana is wearing a less attractive version of that one Cliff Chiang coat-with-tiara-as-a-headband ensemble, because this artist has no imagination.

And I know I’ve been snarking about this lawyer bloke being a Hercule Poirot lookalike, but the artists are so heavily photo-referencing David Suchet’s Poirot, it’s actually distracting.

They walk into Hercules’ house. Hercule Point asks Diana what’s wrong, why does she look sad? Of course, it’s an invitation for more exposition, and Diana explains to us that Hercules was her brother because she is a daughter of Zeus, who fathered many powerful demigods.

And just in case you think I’m being a little harsh on Sergio Devila’s artwork:

These are all supposed to be Diana’s face.

Then Poirot gives Diana a letter from Hercules, because if there’s one thing this comic needs at this stage, it’s more exposition.

To summarise: Blah blah you are a wonder. Blah blah shame for my past actions. Blah blah accidental typo because the editors of this book fucking suck. Blah blah self-exile. Blah blah worthy heir. btw, you have a twin brother called Jason who was raised by Glaucus, sucks that you’re finding out this way.

Diana interrupts the letter to explain the plot of Darkseid War some more. She says that she looked for this alleged “brother” but then she got distracted by her life. No, she literally says that.

Hercules concludes his letter by saying he now feels secrets are wrong and that truth is everything. Apparently he didn’t feel it that strongly, because he decided not to tell Diana the truth, and instead left it for her to discover in the very unlikely event that he died. He tells Diana he has left the coordinates of Jason’s location… embroidered in the pelt of the Nemean Lion, because I guess just writing it was too prosaic.

Cut to Diana and Poirot on the Aegean coast, where Diana. AGAIN. EXPOSITIONS ABOUT PREVIOUS COMICS. This has gone beyond a joke who the fuck is editing this comic what the fuck is this FUUUCCKING

…okay. Diana and Poirot make dull small talk, then set about finding Jason. Conveniently, the first local she ask immediately knows who she’s talking about and where he is. He and his crew are out fishing, she says, but they’ll be back this evening.

…ooooor Diana could just fly out to meet him, since after all her time is more important than his and who cares if she interrupts his work day?

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE

i hate this comic i hate my life

[sleepymarmot]

Andromeda liveblog: day one

Spoilers!

Eos/Tempest:

The Vault is beautiful! Even though the moving bridges, just like the floating rocks on Habitat 7, are blatantly copy-pasted from Trespasser.

Drack said the fight was fun. Of course it was -- that was the first time I used Annihilation/Charge/Nova!

Military or science -- how is that even a question? :D

Even back in the trial, I instantly became fond of the Tempest crew, in a way different from the Normandy. Not bound by the blood they spilled together -- but a team of nerds and people taking care of those nerds, pretty much. Feels more like the Enterprise!

What helps is that there's already a net of relationships between everyone -- I was thinking about it when Drack was revealed to be Kesh's father and talked about their problems with Tann and their relationship with Vetra. The Nexus backstory really gives depth to this game.

I didn't expect this, but I actually do like Peebee! Since her first trailer appearance, I've been annoyed with her -- obligatory asari LI, shitty design with a sexualized outfit and eyebrows, manic pixie dream girl-ish image -- but her personality won me over. She's a bit similar to my Ryder, and they clicked instantly -- two young, energetic explorers. And she doesn't seem too quirky so far, just a very extroverted nerd. And she has something nice to say about everyone on the ship!

You know, I've been wishing for a romance with a nerdy but genuinely nice person (unlike a certain elf...) and looks like I have not one but two -- and female! -- options here! :D 

The first flirt option with Peebee is good, the second is not.

Ah yes, a readheaded religious wlw written by the same person as Leliana... Look, Leliana is special to me, but this is just annoying. Maybe because Leliana is special.

Another convo with Vetra: "Someone had to know" "Did your father?" "I'm not sure" LOOK THE CONFIRMATIONS JUST KEEP ROLLING IN

Oh, here comes the flirt option I've seen on Youtube! I feel a bit awkward hitting on both of them repeatedly... Will I, on my seventh Bioware game, finally encounter a jealousy conversation?

Peebee has attractive personality, but Vetra's fashion style is obviously superior.

*looks at Liam's handsome face, sighs and stops herself from hitting the heart because that'd be a bit too much*

Nexus/Hyperion:

I love that Tann is the only real politician around, and everybody won't stop complaining about him, even though he's completely benign :D

It's a great feeling that doing sidequests is completely justified this time. In this game, it's literally my job to fly around and ensure random strangers' wellbeing! Oh look, someone on Reddit made a post appreciating this too.

"Your father is my problem. He's everyone's problem. We're all paying for Alec Ryder's ego. He preyed on Jien Garson's trusting nature and bulldozed us to this godforsaken place" !!! More evidence!! (Random angry woman on the Hyperion)

This is a great way to introduce flashbacks! And to reveal information gradually.

SAM is basically the third Ryder child, huh.

The camera angle and lighting in SAM's room is one of the most flattering in the game.

I'm glad we're actually giving spotlight to the transhumanism theme, unlike with Shepard...

Or maybe SAM is Ellen's reincarnation somehow? It's clear Alec somehow intended to save her with it, but how? I'm genuinely enjoying this mystery. Alec sure has a lot of character and presence, especially for a character with so little actual screentime... You can see his shadow over the entire story.

There's some nice animation at Scott's bedside!

"Is dad okay?" Shit. Shit. Now that's a choice...

(I mean, what she's saying will turn out to be true, hopefully...)

I didn't lie about Habitat 7, though. That's not as important.

Holy crap, that was an emotional scene.

I like Garson's Super Ethical VI Interview.

Professor Gerik in the lab on Nexus has a letter about us being invasive species and preserving local biodiversity! That's nice. (But on the other hand, we'd endanger it just as much if the Scourge hadn't done it first.)

Female Salarians look like male Salarians and sound like female humans. I should just learn to live with the fact that there'll be no real Salarian voices in this galaxy... Ugh.

Ahh Drack is visiting Kesh!!

Have I mentioned how fond I am of our new council/advisors? Kandros is a bit bland, but the other three are great.

30 minutes after I said that SAM is like another sibling to Ryder, he got infected with a virus. Give this family a break!

Of course the hackers were wrong etc, but the things hacked!Avina says are still absolutely correct...

BTW I chose to unfreeze merchants first -- to get the bigger inventory. Ugh, the lack of inventory was one of my favourite things about ME2 and ME3...

I had to read a walkthrough for "Station Sabotage"...

I like the design of Zara's face.

The Nexus sidequests are all about intrigue and investigation! Just like the main one about Alec, and the characters' backstories related to the uprising. Nice. I feel like a detective. It really gives the game a unique feel.

The saboteur has a good face too. And another sympathetic voice re: the uprising.

Tempest

Cora the gardener!

Damn, that speech about acceptance sure sounds like she's not talking about biotics... Why is she straight, Bioware?

Poor Cora. I can only continue to admire her ability to not hold grudges -- something that impressed me about her when Ryder became the Pathfinder.

It's so cute that the crew members have a group chat, have I mentioned? Really makes the ship look alive.

Vetra, Peebee, Gil and Liam are chatting like old friends! And the fact that they're playing poker reminds me of the Enterprise even more.

Eos

A timed mission to save colonists... with driving... I was so nervous!

FUCK I can't figure out this Fiend fight

I died like four times already what the fuck

Why can't I charge?! What do you mean "wrong target"?!

Also autosave glitches me through the floor every goddamn time!

Died about 8 times, I'm going to replace Peebee with Drack and turn down the difficulty

Oh thank fuck, this time it worked.

*can't find the evidence in the cave* *fast travel back to the start three or four times, get stuck on rocks*

Oh, here it is. Yeah, I enjoy playing detective, but I'd like less bugs!

I died and the game got stuck on reload

Alright, some sidequests are in the level 3 radiation zone which I don't know how to clear, and I can't find the bodies of the dead colonists. It got boring anyway. Back to the ship!

Tempest

Gil sends me an e-mail mentioning Jaal, whom I haven't even met...

Kallo's still arguing with Gil -- I'm pretty sure there's something going on he's not noticing... Nobody else has anything new to say. Let's advance the plot, then.

New solar system/Tempest/Nexus

Whoa, I didn't expect things to get so intense immediately!

Sooo, are you going to explain how the angara got the translators working within several minutes?

Are you trying to tell me the kett and the angara aren't related, despite having exactly the same faces?

Jaal's cape flapping is mesmerizing.

I don't understand, why is everyone being so weird and unprofessional?? Instead of opening normal diplomatic talks, they stand in a circle and say shit about Jaal in his presence. Why the hell are they being so entitled? If the angara help us, of course we need to offer something in return.

Liam, what movie night?! We're kind of busy!

Well, at least Jaal isn't going to let me exhaust all conversation topics in one go! :D

"I LIVE IN AN ESCAPE POD" :D

Stop! Prompting! Me! To! Flirt! With! Gil! Two different times in the same conversation -- what??

Okay, by this point I'm pretty sure that the poker mentions are not just a coincidence but a deliberate reference to TNG. 

When will I have enough materials for an asari sword? Maybe a quick trip to the Nexus will help. *immediately gets buried under sidequests*

What, you don't have laws for attempted murder? That has never happened in the entire history of Milky Way? Bioware sure likes to create a complex situation then make you decide between two extremes. I let the turian stay, but I'm not impressed.

What, and they didn't even tell the public what really happened? Ugh.

Pacified the protesters successfully.

Was prepared to go and realized I forgot one sidequest on the Nexus, went back... I need to stop doing this! It's ruining all momentum.

Havarl (not sure about the spelling)

Main plot again, here we go!

Oops, clicked on the wrong button and now my team still has Vetra instead of Peebee.

Nice scenery.

Okay, it's stupid to leave the planet just to swap squadmates, but it's even stupider to explore this planet without Peebee.

Oh right, there is a spot here for a forward station. (Don't the angara mind?)

There's an entire alien jungle, and nothing is scannable? Really?

@myself stop fucking dying... how am I supposed to fight enemies I don't see without any reasonable cover...

Oh, right, this is normal water, not the Deadly Electric Water. That's a relief, at least.

Oh look, normal cover, I can use my ranged powers like an adept/sentinel I intended to be instead of novaguarding.

Spent like half an hour trying to find a way towards the forward station mark on the east, gave up. This Pathfinder isn't very good at finding paths...

Let's find the gay turian Pathfinder!

What am I going to do with all this nickel? These aren't the materials I'm looking for, Bioware

And finally, after exploring everything else -- the Monolith!

This happened again: the profiles refuse to switch mid-fight. WTF???

"Follow the Remnant river?" You mean, what I've done an hour before? I sure hope the Remnant didn't respawn...

So the Remnant are Order and the Scourge is Chaos? I see we've arrived to witness an existential struggle of cosmic forces...

Why are my companions so useless during exploration? They don't give advice, they don't even have banter like in DA.

Oh GREAT, a jumping puzzle, and in the dark too.

I must say, the design is really beautiful, they nailed the intersection of "Alien", "Ancient" and "Powerful" here. Though I'm salty because it's just a sci-fi variation of the ancient elven design from DAI, which means DA4 won't be able to use it probably.

Nice view! @people with powerful PCs, please photograph these things for the rest of us!

Novaguarding+shotgun (only a Katana!) is so powerful I don't feel the need to do anything else...

We're nearly at the top and there's a health pack. I better save...

The plot thickens!

Oh. Is THIS the forward station I've been looking for? No wonder I didn't find it lmao. They should have just covered it in fog...

Why are shields so much harder to take down than armor? Ugh, that boss. At least on the second try I managed to kite him...

Yes, I climbed the column. Whatever. I got some Vanadium! Finally, I need it for my asari sword.

Oh, okay, THIS is the forward station from above. OK.

One of the enemies I had to defeat in a camp got stuck somewhere and I had to run around for 10 minutes before I found him, except I didn't even see him and he apparently died when I approached, but idk how it happened.

I met the reincarnated dude. And that's enough for today.

[wishingfornever]

1/10/2018 – No Contact:  Hitting the Polls

So, I ended up asking a question to my fellow nations and I got minimal communication out of it.  Lol, I’m really bad at being responsible. I ended up watching several movies yesterday.  And by yesterday I mean it’s almost 1am and I watched three movies as well as ordered a large pizza and ate it at one sitting.  I’m a terrible person.

Three movies, all animated and almost all French.  The Angry Birds Movie (which was better than I thought it’d be), Avril and the Extraordinary World, and The Long Way North.  The last two were the french ones.  I watched these after binge watching CellSpex who I started watching due to her Zero Punctuation styled portrayal of herself.  Not to say she’s ripping it off or anything, she just uses a very simplistic way to illustrate herself being her outline. Expression is done with a simple outline of eyes rather than using a facecam like other channels.

The Angry Birds Movie… as mentioned, better than I thought it was going to be.  I relate with the angry main character because I too have large eyebrows.  Oh, and I might have anger problems.  CellSpex mentioned how it was an allegory for Trump being right, but the way I saw it was… anti-American.  The pigs represented the United States as evident with their boats and greedy pigs with Southern Accents. The eagle was the outdated throes of liberty, coming back to aid a less advanced people to overcome their enemy who is a western power. In the end, they sing praises of “Red” which is communism!

I guess my point is, if you look for something you’ll find it.  I don’t think it’s trying to push a Communist message but everything can be open to interpretation.  That’s what makes everything so challenging.  When you take a religion and you determine your interpretation is the only correct one, then you end up with Protestantism and Catholicism with all these little heresies in between.

That said, Avril and the Extraordinary World.  I was a little let down.  I thought the art was something.  The animation was well done, I like how each individual person sort of moved on their own accord.  Gives a lot of life to the world in a very subtle way, I felt.  The opening scene with the police was just stellar.  However, I did feel the second half of the movie was somewhat weaker.  The ideas I came up for were WAY cooler than what actually happened.

I really wanted to see it in French, however.  I would have preferred subtitles.  Especially when the talking cat (who is actually quite charming, btw) requests Avril explain something simply by saying, “In English, please.”  That actually pissed me off.  They’re French. They’re in France.  They should speak French.  Even if the movie is in English, they should have said, “In French, please.”

I also thought the villain creatures were kind of… cute.  I mean, I didn’t like the idea behind them and sort of felt that they didn’t fit that well in a supposedly steampunk setting.  I was hoping for more politics and thought that they’d be a rival nation like Prussia or something.

Which reminds me, they (the French) were at were with the American League, for some reason… and they built a bridge to connect themselves with Britain.  Um… why?  They’re the BIGGEST rivals.  In fact, France had plans to invade Britain prior to WWI (if it came to that, of course).  And considering a Napoleon sat on the throne…  Not that it mattered.  The entire political system was sort of just background noise.  The Emperor wasn’t really important except that the original Napoleon III died.  Even then, he could have totally been replaced with a government stooge and it would have been fine.  I don’t know why they wanted France to be a monarchy when it was pretty unneeded.  If there were more politics in the movie, then yeah.  That’d be important.  But… it’s not, really.  It’s just kind of there.

There is a lot that I didn’t like now that I think about it.  I was expecting… A LOT more.  And I dislike how the Alternative History got the real history… wrong.  Like certain things wouldn’t have been able to happen due to what they proposed.  That’s always been a pet peeve of mine.  And I also dislike how they just selected a group of famous or relatively well-known scientists from the early 20th century just to be sort of… cameos.  I mean… Tesla.  That’s the only one people really would care about.

Regardless, I liked the animation, even though the noses and ears were really big.  The cat was great, as mentioned, and the grandfather wears spats.  That’s nice.  Fashion hadn’t changed much, it seems, as they still had late victorian wear.  It’s steampunk, which is sort of underplayed in media.  It’s charming.  It’s just… eh.  I was hoping for more.  I felt disappointed.  Like, if it were a pizza I’d have eaten it all and still feel like I hadn’t eaten enough.  And it’d have mushrooms which I dislike but I’ll eat anyways because it’s still good pizza.

Finally, The Long Way North.  This was my favorite of the night.  It was GORGEOUS.  Just beautiful.  The artwork wasn’t as detailed as Avril and blah blah blah but it was still very inviting.  What I liked most about it is that it didn’t use a lot of black outlines.  Really, it had very few outlines.  Samurai Jack did this, sort of.  The eyes are simple but they were beautiful.  The motion was just… refreshing.

The story was fine, though I did have some quips about how they’re supposed to be in Russia.  Only ONCE did I see Cyrillic.  The rest of the writing was mostly in French, which admittedly would have been a thing for Russian Aristocracy to know… but not Norwegian sailors. At least, I assume they’re Norwegian.  They have Scandinavian names and the ship is called the “Norge.”  I don’t really know what they do, either.  Like, they’re not whalers and they’re not transporting goods.  What do you do?!

They make plot happen, I guess.

I found how they did feet to be weird but also kind of… cute.  It had a childlike spirit but was still captivating.  There were some dumb cliches here and there and some more questions that I’d like answers for, but for the most part?  It’s a movie I want to suggest to Ariel.  I think she’d like it too.  :D

Time for bed.  Going to be a busy day tomorrow.  I intend to finish my tax plan tomorrow.  Or… today.

Well, that was a waste.  Current time is 10.  I didn’t have a lot of time today.  I was called in for work.  Drat.  I posted a poll asking about “What we should do!” and what should be taxed.  Irrelevant, really.  Just buying me time.  I didn’t have the chance to pick up honey mustard or anything else, not that it matters.  I was too tired from work.

I ended up watching videos and streams when I got back.  I can’t recall what I really did today, which is weird.

I’m watching an old movie.  Troy.  It came out 14 years ago.  An old story but I don’t like how the narration begins with, “Will they remember us in 2004?!”  Golly, I don’t know.  Will they remember us in 6018?  It’s dumb.  And they keep doing it.  “They’ll tell our tales thousands of years from now!”  Shut up!  Stahp it!  No! Stop bragging about how we remember an ancient story!  Stop it.  You don’t see modern stories about snipers talking about “In 300 years, they’ll remember me.”

Dumb.  So dumb.

Still, I quite enjoy troy.  Not a lot of ancient movies that aren’t overtly religious or mythic.  Like… it’s somewhat similar to what France considered art while Rembrandt was doing his thing.  He had stark contrasts with sublime imagery as did other Dutch artists while to the French, this was not art!  Art must be old, depicting historic events or mythological events!  That’s why there is SO much art depicting ancient kings and whatever and not much of the actual normal every day from that period.

Like, cool, but for real though.  Branch out.

In the 60’s and 70’s all Ancient movies were just… meh.  Ben-Hur. Romans.  Jesus, also.  Dumb.  I hated Ben-Hur.  Jason and the Argonauts.  Also dumb but impressive for its time.  Then The 300 Spartans or whatever movie.  Also dumb.  Haven’t seen it, but it’s dumb.  Of course, that one isn’t religious but I’m sure it’s got some religious undertone.  Most American movies did, probably in an effort to combat Communism.

Anyways, I’m trying to think of a good movie about Rome or Ancient Greece… idk.  There is a lot you can do, I’d personally like to see something involving the siege of Syracuse during the second punic war.  Which reminds me.  Why is Hannibal not in any movies?

Of course, Hannibal would perhaps be cast by an African American gentleman if they made a movie about it.  Really, they should get an Israeli to do it as the Carthaginians were a Semitic people.  Of course, that might not be enough because the modern Israeli can be sort of white at times. Perhaps an Arabic character would be fine.  Just a Middle-Eastern sort of appearance physically.

Regardless, going to watch my movie.  I like the outfits because they’re not the greek armor you know and love.  Breastplate, corinthian helmet, bracers… honestly, you had to supply your own kit back then.  So, there wouldn’t really be a uniform.  What I described?  That’s expensive and I’m fairly certain they didn’t have bracers.  Just didn’t.  Not sure why, may have been a waste of armor to them.

That said, the armor takes some inspiration from this old boar tusk helmet from the Mycenean period.  They were basically early Greeks which is appropriate for the… well, Greeks in the movie.  A lot of detail and design.  Sometimes too much design, but still.  It was clear that “These aren’t the Greeks we see from pottery.  These Greeks are even MORE Ancient!”  Except for Achilles who has a Corinthian helmet… with a very open face.  And somewhat modern armor for the time.

Regardless, I always felt good costumes help sink you into the feel of the movie. When I was younger, this all looked perfect to me.  Now?  Not so much, but it gets a pass.

Oh, Christ.  The costumes are worse than I remember.  Non-Greek items on supposedly Greek men.  They mentioned a lot of places in Greece, too. Not sure how powerful they would have been at this time but they didn’t sound very… well, powerful.  In fact, I think it’s kind of redundant.  Thessaly also looks like a desert.  It’s in greece so I THINK it should be green but I’m not sure.

The capital A without the line in the middle.  That’s a popular thing on shields.  Called a Lambda.  It’s basically the letter “L” for the Greeks.  Spartans never really used the lambda until AFTER the battle of Thermopylae which is YEARS after.  I say that because I noticed a random lambda at Achilles’s yurt.  Very ancient if they’re using yurts instead of housing.  Almost nomadic.

They say Thessalonian again.  I think he’d be identified more by his city rather than region.  Thessaly isn’t a city but a region.  I guess it’s not wrong, just unusual.

Army shots.  A lot of extras.  Thing is, uniforms are very important in movies because you can recognize them versus us!  We’re the good guys, we wear white while… eh.  Yeah, there was a lot of individuality in the militaries back then.  Armors would look different, shields would DEFINITELY be different, colors would be different, or whatever.  As mentioned, you brought what you had.  If you had a yellow shirt then you wore it.  Your friend would wear a blue shirt.  The idea of uniforms being an important thing to have wasn’t really a thing until quite recently.  Even in Ancient Rome when they had a professional army, you’d still see a few different effects here and there.  Mostly with officers, mind you, who could afford it.  But still.

I LOVE how they have to convince Achilles to stay because their army is scared.  Like, dude.  They’re scared because Achilles fights all the battles for them.  If he leaves, then they have to fight.  And they’ve probably never fought a battle because Agamemnon says, “Best fighters fight only!” all the time.  It’s a miracle the Greeks ever conquered Troy.

Oh, shit.  They have that weird helmet thing with a super circular crest. Didn’t notice it.  The guards at the table during a feast. Guarding… a portion of important wall?  Hrm.  Regardless, I’ve seen that helmet before.  Also seems to be a Saracen helmet adorned by someone at the table… for reasons?

Sparta is the most fucking overrated city state ever.  Just a thought.

Poseidon? I’m fairly certain the Trojans had different gods than the Greeks because they weren’t actually Greek.  I’m not entirely certain, however.  Just fairly.

The Greeks wear red and the Trojans wear blue.  Hrm…  Weird thing to notice.

Paris loves Helen… thing is, love wasn’t really an acceptable reason for marriage back then.  Funny thing, that.  You see someone talking about how in Greek mythology, humans had 4 arms and 4 legs and Zeus separated them so they’d have to forever find their soulmate, you look them in the eye and call them a liar.

Country wouldn’t really be the term.  City-State.  So City.

Whenever someone says, “Poetic” my ears perk like my name is being called. Hector said “Nothing Poetic” and I’m like, “Eh?!”  First half of my screen name.  ;)

Proved.  That’s a word, yeah.  Sounds weird.  I think I would have said, “Proven.”

Every day wear costumes are… weird.  Costumes in general are getting weirder.  Sean Bean, what?

And Odysseus references his wife.  Lel.  Odyssey easter egg.  And then he talks about how remembered it’d be… oof.  Stahp it.

Larissa? Wait, what?  That’s IN fucking Thessaly!  Achilles fought other Thessalians?  Seriously?  And the king of Thessaly didn’t know who Achilles was?  Achilles just happen to be a POWERFUL mercenary, born locally.  In fact, he’s from what is probably your main city.  I mean, he’s bumped elbows with OTHER kings like Odysseus.  And now they’re talking about being remembered again!  Christ, this is like the prequel to Coco.  -,-

Priam has a voice like deep velvet.  Oof.  Powerful.  Wasn’t expecting that from such a narrow figure.

Thinking back, I think in the Iliad the Gods were on both sides because they felt split about the issue.  I can’t remember, I read it in high school and it was sort of difficult to read through.  So, maybe they did worship the same gods?  Or maybe Homer assumed they did.  It’s possible.

What accent does Hellen have?  Everyone is English but she sort of sounds… well, drunk.

I hate when extras have their gear slightly to the side like it doesn’t fit correctly or something.  Dude, straighten your helmet.  Do what you need to do.  Everyone should be passed around a handheld mirror or something.  -,-

Oh, those archers have the most worthless helmets.  You could have a band of metal wrapped around your head that will get hot and eventually start cooking your flesh in the nice, Mediterranean sun… or you could wear a straw hat.  Both will protect you about the same.  The stray hat may actually be better, considering it won’t melt your forehead.  If the sun exists and can get hot, you don’t want to be touching metal.

Something I do remember is whenever someone who had awesome armor fell in battle in the Iliad, people fucking lost their shit and rushed to loot the body.  Strip them of their armor.  Random fact.  May remember it wrong.  So, a lot of those people who are fighting would have a shield, a helmet, and a spear with nothing else.  The myrmidons would be decked out because they’re badasses and they’d have collected armor from previous encounters… but the run of the mill warrior wouldn’t.

I want to see a movie where the armor isn’t a suggestion.  I want to see it actually save someone’s life.  Preferably, someone who isn’t a main character.  Something else I’d like to see is more people who are just… wounded.  Not killed but just wounded.  This may surprise you but most casualties in a battle weren’t really fatalities.  Well, not immediately… wounds could be fatal but they didn’t die instantly.  I dislike seeing the aftermath of a battle and it’s a field littered with corpses.  It wouldn’t be that static.  There would be crying, people huddled in a ball, people writhing in pain.  It’s actually kind of hard to kill a person. But no.  Everyone must die instantly.

Oh, look.  D-Day.  Lelelelelelel.

Random thing to note.  The Romans believed their people were originally Trojans.  This is probably untrue.  However, I do think it’s a possibility that their neighbors to the north may have been Trojan. They were the Etruscans and not a lot is known about them.  The Romans had a tendency to adopt customs and cultural ideas from other cultures, look at their gods.  Basically reskinned Greek gods.  The Etruscans being Trojan?  Perhaps the Romans adopted their neighbors’ history and some of their identity.  Just a thought, of course.

“I spoke with two farmers today.  They saw an eagle with a serpent clutched in it’s talons today.  This is a sign from Mexico.  They will pay for our wall.”  I make myself laugh.

I’m not sure they’d be kissing.  I believe kissing was a Roman tradition.  Was very unusual in other cultures.

Looking at the extras for the armies, I’d say this may have been filmed in Turkey.  If so, they used the Turkish army as extras.  That’s a common thing to do.  You pay the government rather than the extras so it’s cheaper.  Then again, they may have filmed somewhere else.  I assumed Turkey because that’s where Troy is supposed to be.  But the Trojans aren’t Turks.  Remember that.

Lol, they look like my cousins actually.  I think I see one of Adela’s brothers.

Hrm, maybe they aren’t entirely from an army. If they are, then they allowed the soldiers to grow beards just for the movie.  I’m curious where it’s filmed now.  :o

...is this Mexico?

HOLY FUCK, IT MIGHT BE!!!  I just Googled it.  They filmed in Malta and Mexico.  Mexico was where they filmed the gates and wall of Troy. Whoa.  The extras probably are Mexican.  Certainly a lot of CGI.  And it makes the idea that the eagle with the serpent thing represents a sign from Mexico even better.  I wouldn’t have guessed Mexico but the guy with Agamemnon looked like one of my uncles.  Interesting. :D

Hector has a very handsome actor playing him.  More handsome than Brad Pitt I feel.

There is a nose guard on the helmet of Paris.  When we see through his perspective, however, it’s sawed off.

He spits out a lot of blood for what looks like SUCH a weak punch.

Apollonians… they look like every other soldier.  It probably would have been cheaper if their costumes were more realistic.  Minimal armor for the average soldier while the Apollonians would have actual armor.  That way, they’re unique and can be identified quickly.  Also, archers are op please nerf.

The Hittites are mentioned.  That’s pretty neat except the Hittites are on the other side of Turkey, almost Armenia.  I can’t remember if it were them or the Assyrians but one of their cultures relied on conquest.  Either their civilization conquered or the world would end.  They had to win EVERY battle… well, they lost a battle. World didn’t end.  Then their civilization collapsed.  The lesson there is push for victory but allow defeats.  You can lose every battle in a war but that doesn’t mean the war is lost.

I feel the scene where Achilles rescues the priestess is cliché.  So cliché.  :/

They’re listing off gods now.  Eh…  There were literally hundreds of gods in Greek culture.  Like, I touched on this back with Hercules.

Sean Bean actually has a rather soothing voice.  I never noticed that until now.  I remember in the Sharpe series, he pissed me off.  Even then, I think it was less to do with his character and more to do with Anglophilia.  As well as blatant classism.  And horrible cliches, again.  And inaccurate historical portrayals.  Then again, I guess the books may have been better.  Not sure.  It was suggested to me back when I played vidya gams.

Patroclus is a terrible actor.

“Attack at daybreak!”  *attacks in the middle of the night WITH FUCKING NAPALM!!!*

Really, if you could get so close to their camp without setting off the alarm, why not just go in and stab everyone quietly.  I mean, you’re already attacking at night.  Just… come on.  Wouldn’t Apollo have better watch over you when the sun is out?

I love how they march in the sand.  Like, they look like they’re running SO slowly.  Fun times.

The armies stop fighting to watch the best fighters fight.  I’m not sure how true that is but I’ve heard it’s happened on medieval battlefields before.

One of the extras in the back, shaking his head.  I love it.

“There are no turns, so you can’t get lost.  I know you too well.  Got lost in the fucking hallway… dumb bitch.”  I shouldn’t poke fun.  I get lost easily as well.

Archery. Ah, yes.  Warfare for the cowardly.

Good fight between Hector and Achilles… except Achilles forgot his helmet, shield, and spear head.  D’oh!

King Priam snuck into the Greek encampment.  Really?  If some old dude could do it then the Trojans could have snuck at least Hector in there.  Killed a few people, slit a few throats of sleeping Greeks and then flee.  Cause chaos or something.  Didn’t have to turn the beach into the Vietnam War.

Wait, Priam knew Achilles father?  And the king of Thessaly never even heard of Achilles?  The guy who is literally two yurts down from his palace?

CGI soldiers… huh.  I wonder why CGI movies aren’t more common.  I think they did something like that with Beowulf but it was just… weird.  Not a good movie.  There was a movie called Beowulf and Grendel which was interesting.  Not the best, either, but they had historically accurate armor.  Always nice.  Was true to the original lore, as well.

CGI might be cheaper than live action in terms of large battles and historical accuracy.  And if you’re doing a series, maybe you can reuse assets.  Then again, it might be more expensive due to… well, CGI taking time to do.  Time is literally money.

Oh, Aeneas has a part in this?  I was under the impression that he was a cousin of Hector and Paris.  Paris doesn’t know him?  Huh.

“We’ll be together!  In this world or the next!”  Erm…  The River Styx isn’t a very romantic setting.

Lol, this dude just bounced his shield.

There is a lot of impalings in this movie.

Oh, Agamemnon died.  Weird, I thought he survived the war.  I guess he was basically the antagonist in this movie… though I don’t think there really was an antagonist in the Iliad.  Every story nowadays needs someone to personify evil, I guess.  Where Achilles is honorable, Agamemnon seeks power.  They clash, thus they’re opposites.

Eh…  I prefer the idea of not having antagonists.  We expect the bad guy to lose.  To die.  To be punished.  In reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s not that life is tragedy, it’s just what you make of it. Those who do what they must ensure a better world for themselves and those they care about.  Behind every pair of eyes is a story.  And in every story, they will be their own hero.  And each story… each hero.  They’re all flawed.

That’s what makes a good character.

Geez, Achilles.  I bet you wish you didn’t forget your armor in front of the gates of Troy.  Dumb ass.

If I recall correctly, Achilles doesn’t die in the Iliad.  I’m not sure I remember the ending at all.  However, it’s suggested that Paris’s shot was guided by Apollo himself… because Paris is a coward and isn’t allowed to be credited with defeating Achilles. Poor, poor Paris.

Of course, I’ve heard a lot of things.  My dad told me about how Achilles was on his chariot, dragging Hector’s body and Paris prayed to Apollo to guide his arrow and it hit Achilles’s heel.  He falls off his chariot and his head hit a rock.  That’s what my dad told me.  I don’t actually know how he died but the way I heard it sounds dumb.  Also conflicts with the Iliad, which probably isn’t the most ACCURATE of sources, but I like the idea of Achilles finding a bit of peace by returning the body of Hector.

Alright. Movie is over.  Not as good as I remembered but it was decent.  :D

Current time is 2:30.  I did the thing I thought was probably annoying.  The movie thing.  Not really a review, more a walkthrough.  If you just read it while not watching the movie then I just describe dumb moments.  I said I wouldn’t do it again because it’s annoying. But I started and I couldn’t stop.  My weakness is historical facts in movies.  D’oh!  And I told Adela I’d do the dishes before I went to bed!  Also D’oh!

I’ll do them… it’s just really late.  I’m irresponsible.  A good reason to not document my movie viewing experience is because of this crap right here.  I started watching a two hour movie at 11.  Maybe before.  And I just finished it.  I did a lot of writing with the occasional stop by google to check where the movie was made and who died when. Btw, I was right.  Agamemnon survived the war.  -,-

Anyways, time for bed.  But first, dishes.  Night.

[sleepymarmot]

Skyrim liveblog: more Dawnguard rage and even more mods

Oh great. I installed a mod that makes quivers compatible with backpacks, decided that the several day long modding session should be over and I can go back to playing... And then I noticed that Serana's stupid Elder Scroll is considered a quiver and now is attached to her butt too. Cue an hour in Creation Kit trying to make her a bow with an ES model to wear. She fucking wears that butt scroll even if I delete it from her inventory, and refuses to wear anything else, even when I add it to her fucking outfit. Why does that quiver mod affect her but mine doesn't?! Ugh. It's as if this character is in the game specifically to spite me. Fuck off.

Well, at least I looted some stuff! Finally found the fort with the Bound Bow spell tome. It's completely against the idea of the character, and it's not as strong as my normal bows, but fast and fun. Dwarven condenser (steam staff) still haven't tried.

"I've seen that dragon before" and by that I mean "I have subtitles on and know that name from the internet"

Hell yeah, I can wait before the next part! Aka give Serana a ride home.

Solitude

After 138 hours of playing, earning 100000 gold, and becoming a Thane in three holds, I finally reach the capital! Exciting!

Wow, imperials really like beheadings, don't they.

Whoa, what a fancy tavern!

I love how distinct the interior style is.

A dude walked up to me and started to talk about his "master" and madness. Sigh. It's going to be Sheogorath, isn't it? 

"Blessings of the Eight Divines" oh i see...

"We appreciate worship in all its forms" ha

And the temple is unlike anything I've seen before in the game, like the city in general.

---

Just as I was glad to see the final battle of a dungeon end, my stupid followers decided to attack each other and Serana fucking murdered Uthgerd. Fuck! You!!!

Can't find anything to activate a bridge, think that maybe this dungeon doesn't have a shortcut, use Clairvoyance and it leads me back the way I came, I can't proceed, google and turns out there is a lever I missed. What is even the point of this spell?!

Dawnguard

Finally I have reached the place of your imprisonment, poor Thorald! But first I must get rid of Serana.

Haha, she thanks you for leading her all this way here and apologizes that she'll have to go her own way after. Fine by me!

Btw, in hindsight it wasn't the best strategic decision to show an ancient and respected vampire the location of the secret vampire hunter fort... Whoops.

Harkon *turns into a gargoyle*: Don't you wanna be pretty like me??

---

Guess who showed no finesse whatsoever in this rescue operation and just slaughtered every Thalmor on her way?

I broke like a hundred lockpicks off these master locks, and the prisoners don't show any gratitude or even try to escape...

---

With a good stock of certain mushrooms and a set of 26% fortify alchemy armor, it took me ten minutes to grind from legendary 15 back to 80 points.

Whiterun

I have figured out the problem with my Lakeview interior: it's not Whiterun-ish enough. Not enough yellow and blue, too much red and dark brown. Now that I've been to Solitude, I see its influences on the Breezehome mod I'm using and it's starting to bother me, too. Where are my blue-yellow walls? The ivy is pretty but it's Solitude's style, not Whiterun's. Btw I miss the simple vanilla Whiterun rug design...

"Not here, I told you to meet me in Riverwood" What the fuck? I didn't even expect to see her here! I live here, you know! I'm a thane here, actually!

Hmm, I tried to replace one of the rugs in Lakeview with a Whiterun rug but it just doesn't fit in... I didn't even notice that I build a red-green-brown color scheme there!

Dawnguard

Aaaand the vampires found us. Which is clearly a part of the main plot and happens whether I took Serana here or not.

"The woman was a vampire" Wait, is that supposed to be news?! How???

"I should have kept her here until we were certain" Yes we should have!!

"They also have an Elder Scroll" That's also not new! Literally the first thing you can ask her is "Is that an Elder Scroll?" Who wrote this???

"And you didn't stop them?" I LITERALLY BROUGHT HER HERE. SHE STOOD RIGHT NEAR THE CASTLE. WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE THE ORDERS THEN???

I'm going to cry... Out of everything I've encountered in the game, this is the stupidest.

Innocence Lost

The entire internet says you don't get bounty for killing Grelod. I sneak in during the night, stealth kill her -- bounty 1000, a guard immediately attacks me outside.

Oh right. It was Constance. But Grelod was in this room during the day, and someone among the kids shouted "kill her"...

Okay, now it went well.

"When I grow up, I'm going to be an assassin. That way I'm going to help lots of children, just like you" Aw...

An unusual gem is marked "take", I take it -- it's interpreted as stealing. Good thing I saved 10 seconds ago...

A fine hour as a honest student of magic -- training with everyone, getting my money back by trading, making more enchanted shit, grinding my brains out... My enchantment is at 95 now: almost there! Didn't even touch the storyline.

Dark Brotherhood

Wow, Astrid dragged me from Winterhold all the way to Solitude!She's the leader? They don't have anyone better? Really?Wait, the DB sanctuary is so close to my home? Unacceptable!!The DB sanctuary is bugged. Not only the inhabitants can't move, which isn't a bad thing, but the word wall doesn't work. And its word is in the only shout I regularly use.. 

Dawnguard

"You wouldn't happen to have a dwarven gyro, would you?" I'm wearing dwarven armor, boots, gauntlest, and two modded dwarven items. Yeah, I think I can find a gyro too...

I thought she would send me on a quest to explore a nearby ruin before agreeing...

Finally, I can interact with the master archery trainer and fellow engineer!

Aaand she sends me to freaking Solsteim. I had to google that because it doesn't show up on the map. Apparently it's a radiant location...

Isran refused to talk to me, only after I saw Serana he told me to talk to her, then after I turned my head from her back to him he asked me to tell me what she said, as if we weren't all standing in a corner almost on top of one another.

No, Serana, I don't want you to come along, especially if it's "just me and you".

Vaermina

Smart Looter broke the Vaermina quest, looting the soul gem that I was supposed to take, so I got stuck.

LMAO Vaermina your bluff could have been more convincing if you didn't add "Vaermina commands you" at the end

Proudspire Manor

Okay, I bought Proudspire and I have a lot of questions.

Is the children's room really next to the entrance on the first floor? Not on the third floor near the master bedroom, not even the second?

Where is the housecarl's room?

Where is the kitchen? You know, the cooking pot where I can make stuff?

Aaaalright, so the kids' room does appear on the third floor. So what is the empty room with a bed roll, then? 

And the cooking pot is apparently supposed to be on the second floor, and is missing due to a Hearthfire bug.

"The housecarl's room in the basement contains an unowned bed roll, two food barrels, three food sacks and many crates, rugs and unused pieces of furniture. This doesn't get upgraded like normal when you become thane and the housecarl moves into the manor, unlike with other houses." Okay. Why the hell is this called basement when it's on the ground level and leads to the main entrance?

I finally decided to do something with my hoarding problem, selling old weak potions and trying to sort the rest.

Unique weapons -- weapon rack in my house

Upgrade everything I have to Legendary, then either sell or:

Pouch 1 -- clothes I might want to wear

Pouch 2 -- enchanted weapons I don't use (too weak or not my type) but don't want to sell

Pouch 2 -- one or two copies of every weapon I have.

Dawnguard

Wow, I fast travelled right to the entrance to the fort this time! Improvement!

Yes, Serana, I think it is my place to judge you! When your family's problems are that you feed on other people, they become other people's business!

"I'll buy whatever you're looking to get rid of" Sorine truly understands me...

Wow, Dawnguard has a special, second in Skyrim breed of dog that actually looks cute, not creepy! I actually want one, but only if they're invincible.

They're protected, not essential :( Maybe I'd take one but use console. Like I did on Uthgerd earlier today. It's impossible to play a destruction mage with a follower otherwise.

---

Came to Winterhold to ask about the scrolls and train with Faralda, and she attacks me :( It's another bug apparently.

Okay, thanks internet, waiting for 10 days fixed it.

Dawnguard

"He might know where I can find an Elder Scroll for Paarthurnax" Uh? Are we mixing up quests here? I haven't even met Paarthurnax...

Screw you, Serana! Is it not enough to just tell my follower to stay here? Do I have dismiss her entirely? Normal quest givers just leave the follower behind automatically!

I dunno, Serana, I think this courtyard looks pretty nice...

Free the horse's soul and then bind it to yourself! What's the logic? Nice horse though.

Does "Tyranny of the Sun" means "The sun harms vampires" or "Vampires destroy the sun"? I think they've used this phrase in both ways...

I'm not sure how the Soul Cairn works. Are the souls trapped here only by the special means gained from the Ideal Masters? I thought at first that they're just victims of the black soul gems, but doesn't seem so.

Wait, so if the prophecy asks for a "daughter of Cold-whatever", then any female vampire who had gone throgh that ritual would do, right? Not only Serana and her mom.

I'm not sure summoning a dragon to Tamriel is a good idea... Aren't we killing them on sight, not the other way around?

Winterhold

I just realized that I haven't used Illusion at all, but it would be very handy for roleplaying a nice character! So, another level-up session. I planned to leave legendary-ing alchemy for Solsteim, but what the hell! Got destruction and illusion to 90.

Damn, I forgot about Paralysis! And alteration altogether, it's at 38! That's because Tolfdir is in a different hall, haha.

The Black Star

Well, now I don't know what to do. When I read about the quest, I decided that I'll give the Star to the priestess -- I'm not evil and I don't need a black soul gem. But rp-wise... That mage is right. Why should I help daedra?

Wiki: "If you reveal yourself as an agent of Azura, you will have to pass an easy-level Speech check or he will dismiss you outright" Easy-level! Ha! I have 100+ Speech and I failed the persuasion and had to bribe him!

Uh, why is the owner of this mill a vampire? Is that normal?

Heljarchen Farm

Damn, the Heljarchen farm is so well decorated! The shrine decorations just floored me. I've never seen that kind of thing before!

It's a shame that as soon as I arrived to claim the property, I encountered a bandit stuck in place -- navmesh conflict? Also the light is flickering weirdly in the cellar.

LMAO my own worker addresses me "What do you want, lizard?"

I could feel the framerate die after I planted all my stuff outside lol. I didn't even fill all the planters! I wanted more of them, but maybe it wouldn't be wise...

Filled the greenhouse with mushrooms. Sorry immersion! I need those!

Oh, so I CAN light the lanterns! The activator is not on the lantern itself but on the post. Weird, but okay. Would be nice if they auto-activated at night.

Is that the outdoor toilet? Why can't I enter?

I wish it had a proper forge, not just an anvil.

I wish I could pay workers daily.

Cabbage clips through the fertile soil. Yikes.

The Hideaway

Time to tend to my other modded house -- the Hideaway. It's kinda ridiculous to have them right next to each other, but I love both. It's so amazingly designed! I haven't even seen before most of the assets in it! What I don't like is that I can't display a shrine of Zenithar -- some garbage Daedra, sure, but not one of the Divines! It's not a huge issue obviously, I can use one in the farm or anywhere else, but it's slightly irritating. The kitchen and smithing areas are too dark, there's a visible texture clash outside (might be vanilla though), and it's weird to leave all this stuff protected only by a couple of wooden planks.

Dragons Keep

Dragons Keep is beautiful and very detailed. Yes, Skyrim looks like a country that prefers home education to boarding schools -- but I really want to get those poor orphans somewhere safe even though I don't have time for parenting! I'd like some lore basis for this luxury. Maybe it was personally supported by the High King, and now that he's dead, the Dragonborn can become a new patron and pay for upkeep, as well as entrance fees for any new student I invite. That would be a good money sink, and make the entire thing more plausible.

And I wish the children were more diverse instead of carbon copies of vanilla ones...

My build

I've taken the Necromage and Aspect of Terror perks, and I think my fire spells are now even stronger than archery against draugr! So I went through an entire dungeon with Incinerate in the right hand and swapping between Soul Trap and Incinerate in the left.

My progression is going as planned. After a lot of studies in the college, I became a skilled wizard who uses all schools of magic. When I get at least one other than enchanting to mastery, I'll proceed with the quest. I know how it ends, but not how long it is, so I'm leaving it entirely until I feel deserving of the title.

lmao bless stealth archery, I have completed the final room of the Potema catacombs in Solitude without even stepping into it, killing every draugr before it could spot me

Proudspire TNF

Finally got tired that there's not a single smelter in the capital of Skyrim and installed Proudspire TNF. Well, first of all, the interior is twice as big as the vanilla one. Which means it's finally fit for a thane (the vanilla house seemed not bigger than mine!) but breaks immersion severely. Both master and children's bedrooms have balconies in place of walls; and I thought the combined bedroom in Hearthfire was bad for privacy! The housecarl room is ugly like in vanilla. And there are leftover harvestables floating in the air, but the reset interior command got rid of that. As a smaller complaint, I don't like that it got rid of the snowberry vases and leather planters. And I need to throw out those trophy bases! Why the fuck would I need a monster corpse in my home?!!

But the crafting areas are pretty much perfectly designed! The achemy room has the full lab, which I prefer to the tabletop variant, uses the table shelf for ingredients in bowls and puts three wall shelves above it for the same; there's a wooden table connected to the lab, and the lectern is placed in the corner between the two workspaces. Ingredients have their own open shelf (I wonder if it respawns), the similar shelf with the potions is a container, and there's a potion display shelf; plus, several planters in the same room, and it's all next to the kitchen but is safely separate in its own room with a door. The enchanting station is combined with the armory, which is what I wanted to do myself, and there's even a set of weapon plaques hanging right above it, and it's all close to a library.

So I really don't know what to do. I guess I leave it for convenience's sake, though I saw a comment that uninstalling it may cause problems...

I finally bit the bullet and installed USLEEP/WAFR/CCF/CCOR. And because the latter instructed me to make a bashed patch, had to learn wtf is that. Please work...

Proudspire Manor

Magically, something fixed the housecarl room. Was it some bug fix? Or just because I left and reentered the house?

I'm trying to think of a way to make this floor plan a bit less insane... My ideas:

Revert the third floor's plan to vanilla

Create a cellar -- not a trapdoor, just another flight of stairs. Move the armory/enchanting, smithy, bath there.

First floor is now main entrance/lobby. Replace the door with the fancy model. Move the housecarl room back there: she's guarding the door. Move most of the bookshelves there from the third floor; couple of display cases/plaques/mannequins; some pretty plants.

What was the lobby on the second floor is now living room for the owners.

Alternatively, if the door cannot be replaced and all of this is impossible -- make the "real" entrances way more decorated and visible.

Lmao I accidentally selected & dropped the front-facing "backdoor" in positioner and now it's permanently open

King Olaf Festival

"When Vampires Attack" broke the burning festival -- nobody came, and the bard ran back into the building as soon as he lit the fire. Disabled the mod in the MCM, but there's no option to enable it again.

"Speech skill increases 15% faster" Ha! Should have done this quest sooner.

"I believe Sanguine will be pleased with this festival" Wait, did this dude just announce his daedra worship in the middle of a festival in a capital city?

Now what?! A guard walks up to me with "You there. What do you know about this?" There shouldn't be any dead bodies near here. Maybe dead vampires? I dunno. We repeated the same lines 3 times before he walked away.

190 hours into the game and 99 active mods later, I have finally downloaded LOOT! Well, the loading screens are just as long, and framerate even seems worse.

Arrive at Lakeview, start picking flowers from my garden, get attacked by Thalmor, vampires and wolves all at once. What the hell?!

Calcelmo wants me to bring him a dwarven metal ingot? All the way from Riverwood? Wut?

Now I thought something was wrong with Breezehome -- the cooking pot was off the center, and the housekeeping book was magic-themed for some reason. But from the screenshots on the mod page, seems like it's supposed to look like that? Okay.

Uh, why the hell did Clothing and Clutter Fixes change Farengar's clothes from normal blue robes + hood to some mismatched monstrosity?!

Installed HD maps, for some reason they have greenish tint.

Wow, something deleted the bugged old tree trunk of the Gildergreen! What was it, I wonder? USLEEP?

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Okay, so. I suddenly decided it's time to make Speech legendary. I had the ideal conditions:

A stack of potions in my inventory

All three barter buffs

Thief Stone

Well Rested

Bard College bonus to speech increase

Treebalance mod ready to be installed

Now I have so many free perks! Since I don't need price reduction, Investor & Master Trader don't need to be reselected after legendary-ing, and Treebalance removes a fence perk from the merchant branch. Now I can finally buff my Illusion! And then I can start putting points into crafting again! Also ice spells for the fire dragons, alteration for defense, and armor for utility.

If only Treebalance didn't have the Allure perk... I should learn how to edit perk trees. Since I'll never dare to ask the modder to do that for me... The problem is, it's for some reason a branching point in the mod, so the entire tree would need to be reworked.

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Last round I could create 36% Fortify Enchanting potions. Now it stops on 32% :( I don't understand why.

Hmm I wonder what I should bring to the Thalmor Embassy...

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Dragonkiller Cart Reloaded & Gypsy Eyes Caravan

The setup process of Dragonkiller Cart is so difficult... But when I set it up, it immediately improved my immersion. Now I know where I'm carrying all this crap! And then I could park it and scout ahead with invisibility/muffle. Time to put on illusion on heavy armor/cloak to make a peaceful traveller's outfit. And try to assign a housecarl to sit on my cart and guard it at all times.

What isn't as immersive is the way it tumbles around after fast travel or at the slightest sign of trouble.

Okay, when I started falling off a cliff and fast-travelled back to the word wall, my horse appeared but the cart didnt. When I came back to it, the harness somehow wasn't in the inventory anymore.

I still have no idea when Jaxonz Smart Looter works on horseback and when doesn't. Not sure why I'm not using Convenient Horses's auto-loot... But I rebound the manual harvesting to M2 and my life instantly became easier.

The dragon on the peak above Morthal was once again missing textures, and now even didn't give me a soul.

And finally, I'm in Morthal! Now I can pick up my unused housecarl and assign him to guard the cart. Though considering the horrifying loops the cart did on the rocky road down the mountain, I'm a bit scared to put someone in it...

Okay, I assigned my follower a seat, but how do I get him in there?

What the fuck? Where did the harness go AGAIN? Are they consumed after a day of use or something?!

A youtube video explained the problem: the followers are invisible if assigned to seats 1-2. Also, they only get on the cart if you do, and get off with you. So much for guarding my stuff!

When I tried to use Gypsy Eyes Caravan, it freaked out and was glitching almost for a full minute.

Well, here I can do what I want: assign a follower to drive the cart permanently, and either follow me or stay back. Even though I prefer the simple design of Dragonkiller.

Just as I felt happy that everything was finally working, Valdimar disappeared. And in the morning, rose through the seat and was on it again. Wut?

Okay, I left both carts at the Markarth stables, both set to "follow". Went into Markarth, then fast-travelled from there. Only my horse appeared, neither of the carts.

I'm back to the stables. Dragonkiller informs me that it needs a horse harness, again; also it's nowhere to be seen, its map marker is still in Morthal. Gypsy eyes has its wheels flying around it wildly, and it's unable to follow me.

Dragonkiller wasn't even at its map marker in Morthal; I have no idea how those work. Had to re-summon it, and it hitched the horse without a problem -- so the harness wasn't missing again, after all?

Okay, so turns out GEC has a next beta version, and the notes basically confirmed my guess of what was going on: when I fast travel to a city, the caravan attempts to do so too, and crashes horribly. I expected that the mod would be smart enough to park the caravan at the stables which every city has next to the entrance -- you know, like your normal horse!

And my max Fortify Smithing potion is now 130% as opposed to 145% last time. Why? Was it a beneficial glitch?

I put on my fresh max Fortify Smithing armor, made a lot of max Fortify Smithing potions, and finally sat down and improved every single thing in my inventory to the limit. I can breathe easily now.

I just remembered about Angi's camp! Just in time -- my archery is at 92. Damn, the last task is difficult...