#btw just realized I didn’t take my meds. I’ll be okay

[the-named-anon]

Vent, ignore

It makes me mad that there’s thousands of posts circulating for Gaza but none for North Carolina. There’s lead in their water. Businesses are in shambles. People are homeless.

Yes, Gaza has it worse.

But it seems like the internet doesn’t care about the people in their own country.

Pisses me off.

Also I have exponentially low Vitamin D2 levels. Like. The normal level is 60ish. I measured in at 12.

I hate the US. I wish I could move. I hate the south. Why do I have to live through historic events? Why can’t it be all nice and wonderful like it was when I was a kid?

Is the niceness a result of my naivety? Or has times gotten worse as I got older?

Anyways. Going to take my anxiety medicine now. Forgot to take it today LMAO

[tremblingmuse]

Nico, prompt 16, Angst Level 8

Context: Nico and reader get into a huge fight and she tries to run away from him, and immediately he runs after her, grabs her, and pulls her close and says prompt 16 gently into her ear

You have to try.

Hope this is was you envisioned! Can’t wait for you to start posting again btw!

“Nico, you have to do this.”

Y/n overheard Nico talking to his doctor. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but she did. He was offered lifesaving treatment and he turned it down. She asked him about it later.

“How’d you even find out? You spying on me?” He paced around the hospital room.

He shouldn’t be moving around, he’s growing weaker.

“Will you just please sit down?” She asked him.

He rolled his eyes and sat on the end of the bed with spite. “I wasn’t going to tell you.”

Y/n was hurt to say the least. He told her everything, well she thought he did.

“Why? Because I’d tell you to do it? Nico this could cure you!” She insisted.

He knew that. But what if it didn’t? He’d be back to square one. In and out of the hospital just like he’s been his whole life.

“I just want to enjoy the time I have left. I’m so sick of this!” He motioned to the room. To the hospital.

“No, I think you’re scared.” She could barely look at him.

He rolled his eyes. Of course he was scared. Who wouldn’t be? Going through another invasive treatment that might not get him anywhere? That might leave him worse off than he was before?

“I’m not scared! I’m tired of all the stupid treatments!” He lied.

She didn’t recognize him. This wasn’t the Nico she knew.

“So you’re not gonna at least try?”

“This isn’t your decision.” He reminded her with malice.

It wasn’t, she couldn’t tell him to anything. So she slung her bag over her shoulder and went for the door.

“Yeah, you’re right. Giving up is the best course of action here.” She quipped. “Wouldn’t have it any other way!” Y/n stormed out.

He didn’t mean to chase her off. He followed her.

“Y/n! Babe! Wait!” He ran down the hall. He found her as she rounded a corner.

“Go lay down, you shouldn’t be up.” She didn’t look back as she marched out the door.

It was a sweet sentiment. But her tone was laced with poison.

He couldn’t let her leave, it wasn’t right.

Nico desperately grabbed her wrist and pulled her to face him. She was forced to look into his tired eyes.

“Please don’t go.” He mumbled in her ear. His lip quivered.

“If you’re gonna decide to die, then I shouldn’t have to watch, Nico!” She pushed herself off of him with a a sob. “You’re saying you’re giving up! I can’t fucking let you!”

She took a few steps back. She wanted to gain a little distance. If y/n stayed in his arms for too long she’d give in, like she always does.

A boy so filled with sun, was going dim.

“I’m scared! Okay, I admit it, I’m terrified!” Nico walked closer. “Cause it never works! I’ve been sick my whole life!”

She shook her head.

“But it could work. You won’t even take the chance! That’s not the Nico I know, it’s not the boy I fell in love with!” She clutched her bag, pain oozed from every inch of skin, her eyes, her throat.

“It’s not gonna work.” He insisted.

“If it doesn’t work, then….” She took a sorrowful pause. “Then I-‘ll.” She was choking.

He waited for a response.

“I’ll sit with you, everyday.” She continued.

Tears fell onto his cheeks.

“And I won’t make you get better, I’ll just be there. I won’t talk about it, won’t tell you to get treatment.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Y/n had been the thing keeping him going for so long. Telling him to take his meds, listen to his doctors, to rest, to eat. In many ways she kept him alive, in spite of the cancer. In spite of everything.

Y/n had read paper over paper his condition. To help him.

“But you have to try.” She finished, barely audible between sobs.

Nico thought about all the pain he’s been through. Then he realized how much pain he put her through. He was so absorbed in his own suffering he couldn’t see her’s.

“Okay.” His response was weak.

He gave in, now she could too.

Y/n threw herself at him, into the tightest hug he’s ever had. Her knees were so weak she considered falling to the ground.

“I’ll be there the whole time.” She promised as they wrapped their arms around each other.

“I love you, so much.” He said earnestly.

“I love you too.”

[spacebonesss]

so me and a few friends decided to try the tumblr famous drink “the flavor” or at least get as close as possible to achieving it without alcohol, none of us are able to drink so instead of mikes cranberry lemonade we got calypso lemonade and walmart brand cranberry juice. we very excitedly got back to my dorm and mixed the lime cucumber gatorade with the cranberry lemonade. the flavor surely was quite the flavor and it was surprisingly good. not easy to describe but flavorful and sweet with a little sourness, it was kinda like sweet tarts.

after a few minutes one of my buddies (i’ll refer to him as j) asked me if i was doing okay and i said yeah, it wasn’t entirely true but i didn’t think i wasn’t okay enough. so we were talking and all of a sudden i felt a little strange and i take a moment to think before i come to the realization that i in fact am going to vomit and within the .5 seconds it took me to realize that i had already projectile vomited like reagan from the exorcist. i was incredibly embarrassed and continuously apologized (still am bc oh my god) as j the poor sweet man he is cleans up my puke as my other friend e stood on the other side of the dorm just shocked.

after we cleaned up a bit and j again the sweetheart he is asks me if i’m okay. the answer was no. i proceeded to hunch over the trash absolutely spilling my guts 7 times in the span of an hour for before we concluded “hey hospital may be necessary.” so we toddle our way up front desk and ask the security guard to get us help he calls an ambulance and i lie down on the floor fully convinced that i am dying. i cry a bit, i laugh and 15 minutes later i’m guided to the ambulance and taken to the hospital, e is transported by security to meet me there and once i get there i’m checked in and they basically tell me i have the worlds most expensive tummy ache. they pop an iv in me and give me nausea meds and it was like night and day i have never gone from 0 “death, dying, terrified” to 10 “oh shit i’m alive” and i don’t think i’m gonna die anymore. (water being put in your body after being severely dehydrated feels like actual heaven btw.) anyway e sits with me and confesses that he too thought i was dying. really appreciate him being there bc idk what i would’ve done without him.

we arrived around 1 am and didn’t get discharged until 4. we had to call campus police to bring us home and i got to arrive back to my room and continue to clean then call my mom and tell her about my visit.

turns out it wasn’t the flavor it was food poisoning. but anyway moral of the story don’t try and write fanfic on ao3.

[starryeyedrookie]

Before It’s Too Late (Ethan x MC)

Book: Set during book 2 ch. 11.

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Evelyn Long)

Word count: 1,996

Rating: General

Category: Angst

Summary: An attack scene rewrite when Ethan spends the night with MC.

A/N: Characters and some dialogue owned by Pizelberry.

I finally decided how I was going to write this rewrite. Initially I was trying to do a full chapter rewrite but half way through, I was already at 3k+ words so it would be waaaay to long. Thankfully, I managed to summarize it but also give it a ton of angst. (This was my first time writing angst btw.) I hope you enjoy!

8:30 pm

It's been exactly five hours since the attack. Five excruciatingly long hours since Evelyn’s world was turned upside down.

Travis, Senator Ed’s assistant, had slowly been poisoning him with lead. When they went to confront him, he pulled out a can and sprayed everyone in the room with a deadly unknown substance.

The Senator managed to escape and Travis was dead. But so was Bobby, with Danny fighting for his life.

Evelyn begins to cry again as she thinks about Bobby’s wife and two kids that he left behind. They would now have to grow up without their dad. He would miss so many big milestones in their lives all because of two selfish people.

“E-Evelyn…?” a weak voice calls from across the room.

She walks over to the bed where Raf is lying down, a light sheen of sweat covering his pale face.

The team had come a little while ago with a shot that they had hoped would slow the progression of their symptoms, but Raf’s still seemed to be getting worse.

“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly, gently wiping the tears from her face.

“I was just… thinking about Bobby’s family and… everything that he… would miss. He was… just telling me… this morning that… his oldest daughter is turning sixteen this year…”

“I know… life isn’t fair. They didn’t deserve any of this.”

“You didn’t either, Raf.”

“But I saved you from having to suffer so much… and that’s what matters.”

“Raf…”

“Shh… listen, I feel… like I’m… getting worse. Will you… do me a favour?”

“Of course. Anything you need.”

“Please help me call my vovo.”

Evelyn hands Raf his phone to unlock, then scrolls through his contacts until she sees his grandmother’s name, tapping it, she places the phone to his ear.

“Olá, vovo.”

“No… I’m not well. There was an attack at the hospital today and the Senator’s assistant tried to kill him. A few people were in the room when it happened. The Senator escaped, but his assistant and one person that works here died and the other is in critical condition. Evelyn and I are in quarantine right now.”

“I just wanted to let you know… that if I… don’t make it… I love you with all my heart.”

“Alright, take care. I love you too.”

“Thank you, Evelyn.” he takes a shaky breath, his heart rate slowing and growing more shallow.

“Evelyn… I think you should… call the team… I'm sorry I couldn't save you… that this… might be the way it ends…” he murmurs, eyes meeting hers, as warm and kind as the day they met.

Taking his hand, she can barely see him through her tears.

“You'll make it through this Raf… I know you will…”

He smiles up at her before his eyes flutter closed and his hand falls away.

Moments later Ethan and June rush into the room.

“I’d hoped that the treatment would buy us more time,” Ethan says sadly.

“We don’t know that it didn’t.” Evelyn tries reassuring him.

He nods as June’s eyes fill with sympathy.

“We’ll get him to the support suite. There’s still a chance that we could fix this Evelyn.” June tells her, as she prepares Rafael for transport.

Evelyn’s almost too scared to ask, but she needs to know. “How’s Danny?”

“We… we lost him.” Ethan’s voice comes out in a whisper.

“No…”

“Before he died he… he asked to be autopsied. To help the two of you.”

As Ethan turns to help June, Evelyn reports Raf’s most recent symptom of hot cold reversal.

“Stay strong, Evelyn. We’ll know more soon.” June tells her reassuringly as she and Ethan slowly push Raf out of the room.

Now she’s all alone, curled up on her bed, the pressure in her head becoming almost too much to bear.

Her mind drifts to Danny. She remembers her first day when he was the one that told her that she had just performed a thoracotomy with Ethan Ramsey. The night of the party her roommates had when he and Sienna talked all night until they fell asleep together on the couch.

Sienna. All Evelyn wanted to do was rush to her side and hold her. She and Danny were supposed to be together. They were meant for each other. But how he was gone, and Sienna would have to live with that loss. She probably never even got to say goodbye.

Goodbye. Evelyn had to be prepared.

Picking up her phone, she sees that she has several missed calls and messages.

Calling her mom, she picks up immediately.

“Evelyn sweetie! Are you okay?! Oh my goodness, we saw what happened on the news and I thought we lost you!”

Hearing her mom’s voice, her tears start falling again.

“I’m hanging in there right now mom. It’s just me in the room now. Rafael just got taken to the support suite.”

“Oh, sweetie…”

“Mom… is everyone there?”

“Yes, honey. We’re all here.”

“Can you put me on speaker please?”

“Hey Evey.” she hears her dad’s voice say.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hi Evelyn, do they know what it is yet?

“Hi Ben, no they don’t. We got a shot earlier that was supposed to slow the progression of the symptoms, but we don’t have a cure yet.”

“Oh.”

“Listen, guys… if I don’t make it…”

“No Evelyn! You can’t say that!” her heart breaks as she hears Ben crying through the phone.

“Wait… just listen to me. I’m preparing for the worst. I want you guys to know… that I love you all so much. And I want to thank you for everything that you’ve done to help me fulfill my dreams.”

Aside from the sound of soft cries, the line is silent.

Finally, her dad speaks up.

“We love you too sweetie. Stay strong and hang in there. You’ll be fine.”

“I’ll try… take care.”

“Bye.”

Later, her friends and the diagnostics team are gathered outside her window. Bryce looks at her with haunted eyes while a crying Sienna buries her face in Jackie’s shoulder.

“How’s Kyra? The surgery must be over by now…”

“She’s fine and resting. We haven’t told her what happened yet.”

“Good idea.”

“So, do you know what it is yet?”

Ethan explains to her that it’s a maitotoxin that he had never seen before. It was still present in Danny’s bony postmortem and on the surface of his skin.

Processing the information, the realization hits Evelyn like a ton of bricks.

“Maitotoxin… that’s derived from parasites in fish, isn’t it? But… there’s no antidote so… I’m going to die here…” her voice now barely a whisper. “I can’t believe this. Today was supposed to be happy. Kyra was supposed to have a successful surgery and everything was supposed to be fine… but now Danny’s dead, Raf is in a coma, and I’m… I’m…” Evelyn buries her face in her hands as she begins to cry.

“Now isn’t the time to give up hope Evelyn. Because of Raf’s actions, you didn’t get much in your system so your symptoms aren’t as advanced. There may not be an antidote as yet, but I promise you that we’ll be working round-the-clock to synthesize one.” Ethan tries to sound as confident as he can, his heart breaking to see Evelyn hurting.

“You won’t be alone.”

Everyone turns around to see that the statement had come from Tobias, as he, and several Mass Kenmore doctors approached them, all prepared to do whatever it takes.

As everyone heads down to the lab, Ethan lingers behind at the window.

“Are you okay, Ethan?”

“No, Evelyn, I’m not okay. But you don’t need to hear about that. You should try and get some rest. Have you slept at all?”

“No. I can’t stop thinking about Rafael. How long he can last… whether… whether it’s already…”

“…Do you want me to stay for a while?”

“Yes, please. If this is my last night alive, I want to spend it with you.”

“If I was in your position, I’d feel the same way about you.”

“Really?”

“Really, Evelyn.”

Suiting up and entering the room, he gently guides her to the bed.

“Now lie down. I know it sounds impossible, but I need you to relax and try to think about something happy.”

As she lies down, Ethan gently pulls up the covers around her.

“Something happy like what it would be like if we went on a date?”

“If that’s what makes you happy then sure.”

Her happiness leaves as quickly as it came.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just feel like there are so many things that I should have done.”

“Like what?”

“I should have loved more.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve spent the last decade focusing on college, med school, work, always guarding my heart because I might be in another city the next year. It makes me wonder… what could have been,” she confesses sadly.

Ethan is quiet for a long moment.

“Since we’re sharing regrets, do you mind if I share one of mine?”

“Go ahead.”

Reaching across, Ethan’s gloved hand finds hers.

“I wish I hadn’t asked you to stay away.”

“You do?” she asks surprised.

“We’ve wasted so much time. I’ve wasted so much time. I should have held you in my arms every day and told you how much I… how much I love you.”

“Ethan?”

“Shh… I just needed you to know… that no matter what happens… I love and care about you more than I can ever tell you.”

“I love you too, Ethan.”

“You do?”

“Of course! I thought you knew that already.”

“I did. It’s just so wonderful to hear you say it.”

“I wish I could kiss you.”

“Soon. You will soon.”

Joining her on the bed, he wraps his bulky arms around her as eyes begin to flutter closed.

“Evelyn? Can you please look at me?”

“Hmm?”

Forcing her eyes open, she looks at him through his helmet.

“Promise me that you’ll keep fighting. That you won’t give up. Oh, Evelyn… our story’s only just begun and it can’t end here. Please… please promise me.”

“…I… promise,” she whispers before falling asleep.

The next morning she wakes up to excruciating pain in her stomach. Doubling over, Ethan reaches across from the chair for her.

“It’s okay Evelyn, you’ll be alright!”

Feeling weaker than ever, she can barely make out the blurry figures running to her window.

“Evelyn! We did it!” Aurora shouts.

“Huh?”

Baz and June enter the room with the antidote as Tobias explains how they did it.

“What about Raf? He’s much sicker than I am…”

“We administered it to him, but too far there’s been no chance. It’s possible we’re already too late.” Sienna gloomily reveals.

“But he hasn’t gotten any worse, that has to mean something!” Elijah adds.

As Ethan gently injects the serum into her vein, he whispers into her ear.

“Hang in there, Evelyn.”

Over the next several anxious hours, June comes regularly to take her blood.

Slowly, her blood pressure stabilizes and the nausea begins to fade.

As Evelyn looks around, she realizes that the room no longer looks blurry.

“Get up.”

She turns around to see a hazmat suit free Ethan stroll into the room with a big smile on his face.

“You mean…”

“It worked. There’s no trace of toxin left in your bloodstream. Even if there are still traces in the room, we know now that we can-”

“Oh!”

Evelyn flies into Ethan's arms pulling him into a tight hug.

“…What you’re saying is I’m finally free to do this?”

“Yes. This too.”

He leans down capturing her lips in a passionate kiss as tears fall down both of their faces.

“Ethan, aren’t you worried that someone will see?”

“No. After almost losing you, I’ve decided that there are more important things to worry about than what people will think. I love you with all my heart, Evelyn Long.”

Through her tears, she smiles up at him.

“I love you too, Ethan.”

{Two Weeks Later}

Taglist: @mercury84choices @a-crepusculo @emmasumbrella @quixoticdreamer16 @headoverheelsforramsey @mm2305 @adiehardfan @schnitzelbutterfingers

@choicesficwriterscreations @choicesbookclub

Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed❤️

[akakeiiji]

How Kuroo,Suga,Bokuto and Akaashi would react to their S/O who is menstruating please 😳😊

-`,✎ Kuroo, Suga, Bokuto, and Akaashi’s reaction to you menstruating

Omg this was so fun to write tho it reminded me that I haven’t had my period for 2 months now, I’m torn between celebrating and getting worried

This features a gender neutral reader who is able to menstruate btw!

Kuroo is surprisingly very very knowledgeable about periods and menstruation

He grew up with an older sister and is pretty well versed with the whole shebang

And he does a butt-ton of research when he started dating you because he wants to be ready for anything

He won’t realize that you’re on your period right away, only when you show the typical symptoms like mood swings and cramping

He will tease you a bit and coo at you like a little baby

“Awww, no wonder my little (Y/N) was so cranky this morning~”

You’d think that that would be the extent of his reaction to you being on your period but he surprises you later during the day when he hands you a bag full of your favorite snacks and chocolates

He knows just what you need and will definitely run trips to the convenience store for you when you need anything

Kuroo isn’t one of those boys that get all squirmy and awkward when he has to buy pads or tampons for you at the store; he’s actually really proud when he struts to the cashier with a basket full of menstruation products because he didn’t know which one was best so he decided to just play it safe and get them all

Whenever he has questions that can’t be answered on the internet he always calls his sister instead of you because he always wants to impress you and show you how your boyfriend is so knowledgable and thoughtful

He’s also the type to have your preferred menstrual products in his room and bag for you whenever you need it, he is super prepared 

If you’re ever at home and complain about how crappy you feel because of your periods through the phone, Kuroo will definitely show up at your door unannounced no matter how late it is with even more snacks, goodies, and pain meds

Again, he did a lot of research on how to deal with stuff like cramps, migraines, back pain, etc so he does his best to help alleviate whatever is bothering you

We love a good science nerd 🥺💕

KOUSHI IS THE ABSOLUTE KING

He isn’t that knowledgable on periods and stuff and he probably won’t realize why you’re acting so differently until you tell him straight up that it’s leak week

Although this is the first time he’s ever had to deal with periods he’s actually really comfortable with the topic and is always eager to learn more

He’d go to you more and ask you lots of questions instead of relying solely on the internet because he wants to know what it’s like for you; what things you crave, what symptoms you experience, what helps you on your period and all that sort of stuff

He already spoils the hell out of you on a daily basis but his coddling and advances somehow triple when he finds out about your period

He practically empties Ukai’s store after he found out; he bought you all your favorite snacks, the meds you said helped the most, and heating pads

He will also definitely go to runs at the store for products you need, you just need to text him and he’s already out the door

Though once he is at the store he will literally be so friggin stumped, he will stand by the menstrual products aisle for so long staring at the rows and rows of pads and tampons to choose from before sending you a picture of the shelf with a text saying “What size is your vajayjay?”

Yes, Suga says vajayjay, you can fight me on this

Though Suga is really comfortable with talking about periods and stuff, he’s actually pretty squeamish and is a bit scared of blood so just knowing that you have to go through the trials and tribulations that is menstruation makes him so sad

He always wishes he can help more especially with the pain and this usually translates to more cuddling and affection, which he thinks isn’t much but always helps you in the end

He is also a strong believer that kisses and cuddling will definitely help the pain go away so expect a lot of that when you’re on your period

SURPRISE PEOPLE BUT OUT OF THESE FOUR, HE IS PROBABLY THE BEST WHEN DEALING WITH PERIODS

In all of Haikyuu, he is only second to Nishinoya (he has three older sisters) when handling their s/o’s menstruation, which may seem hard to believe but listen:

Bokuto is the youngest in his family and he grew up with two older sisters, both of which he loves and cherishes and treats like absolute queens

When his sisters were on their periods, he was always there for them; he got them pads, got them chocolate, heating pads—whatever it was that they needed

He grew up knowing how to deal with periods, what to buy, what to expect, it doesn’t freak him out at all

Over the years he just developed a sixth sense for these sort of things so you didn't need to tell him you were on your period, he just knew

“Oh, babe, are your cramps bad? Is it your first day?”

“How do you know—” Shushes you and just hands you a heating pad

The man just k n o w s

He was also super nonchalant about it, he didn’t make a big deal out of it at all; he asked you a few questions like what products you preferred to use and what symptoms you experienced and he was so well-informed that it was a bit shocking

“My eldest sister gets really bad cramps too, heating pads and pain meds help a lot, but she says that drinking herbal tea is also really effective. We should make some later, I’ll buy some at the store!”

He’s super patient with you and doesn’t get affected by your mood swings

But if you cry, he will definitely without a doubt cry with you too

He’s always so sweet and doting with you and this doesn’t change when it’s shark week, in fact, he only gets even sweeter

He’ll always insist that you should sit back and rest; if you need water, he’ll get a whole gallon if you want, if you’re hungry, then you best believe that he’s gonna buy you all your favorite foods, if you feel cranky then he’ll give you some space, if you’re needy then he’ll cuddle the shit out of you

Everything that you experience during your period is something Kou has already dealt with with his sisters, he is an expert at this point

His sisters raised him right okay? He treats you like an absolute deity 25/8 and he does so happily

Akaashi is surprisingly pretty clueless when it comes to menstruation at the beginning of your relationship

He’s an only child and was mostly surrounded by males throughout his life and he never really talked about menstruation with his friends who menstruated so he was never educated on the topic

He knew the basic stuff like how blood came out of your coochie and you might get cranky but that’s really the extent of his knowledge

So when you got your period a few weeks into your relationship with Akaashi, he completely misread the situation and thought you were mad at him

It was another case of over proportionally analyzing everything for Akaashi overthinking gang whats up ���✋

Why are you suddenly so cranky? Why the sudden change of moods? Why are you always going to the bathroom?? Are you avoiding him?? Do you want to break up???

His overthinking got the best of him in this situation as much as he tried not to

He obviously goes to talk to you about it because Akaashi is a mature king and he got so confused when you just started laughing at him

Once you finally explained it to him he felt like such a fool, he ended up laughing with you which was a majestic sight pls cherish it

He felt really apologetic for jumping to conclusions and wanted to make up for his lack of knowledge, he immediately began learning as much as he could; he researched on the internet, borrowed some books from the library, and called some of his friends (this included Bokuto, he knew his best friend was the expert)

He’d probably go on those forums where people would exchange tips to one another for helping their S/O’s when they were on their period

He would keep everything he learned on his phone’s notes app because he didn’t want to forget anything

It doesn’t take long for him to get a hang on the whole period shebang but once he does he is an absolute angel sent from the heavens

He makes everything so easy for you, he’s just so thoughtful and considerate 

He’s the type to keep track of your cycle, he’d probably download an app or mark it on his calendar so that he’ll be able to get ready for when it starts

He’s extremely patient and is unaffected by your mood swings, you can snap at him, coddle him, cry with him and he’ll handle it like usual, it’s not that different from dealing with Bokuto

He’s also really observant so even if you don’t say anything he’ll know if you need anything, my man will happily bend over backward for you please cherish him

[oppatxtme]

Christian Yu: The Eve

x Christian Yu x

Note: Read at Your Own Risk ~~ (ง⌐□ل͜□)ง Type: One Shot [ masterlist ]

A/N: This is a request from an Annon. I know it took a while but hope y’all like it. BTW. Happy New Year friends! ♥

-----

'Is she not coming to work?'

"Hey, Scott!" Christian called his friend when he saw him walked past his door from the hall.

Scott walked and stop to peek at Christian's studio.

"What's up?" he asked while still looking at his phone.

"How's the photoshoot yesterday?" Christian asked about the shoot scheduled for Live and you are one of the editors.

"It went according to our theme. But it lasted longer than expected because it suddenly snowed a little during the shoot." Scott explained. "Why?" he managed to look away from his phone screen and look at Christian.

"Oh, so, what time did you guys finish?" Christian asked not answering Scott's question.

"Maybe around 3 am," Scott answered. He decided to sit on the sofa inside Christian's studio - thinking that this might take a while. He knew Christian and asking questions without answering his - only means that somethings going on.

"I see. So I guess most of the crew will not be coming today since you guys finished late." Christian said while taking a spin at his chair.

"Not really. I think they'll be here doing the edit and all." Scott said still looking at Christian.

Christian tried to avoid Scott's gaze.

"Really? So maybe I can take a look at the scene later with Y/N." Christian said and turn his back from Scott to face his monitor.

'Smooth.' Scott thought and can't help but smirked at his friend's childish game. He's avoiding directly asking about Y/N because of the drunk accident happening before.

*** 3 weeks ago, the crew decided to go out for a dinner then drink after to celebrate Christian's debut. But just as everyone getting ready to go home. You're so wasted that you confessed to Christian without minding the few people remaining outside the pub.

All were shocked because they didn't expect you to confess at all. All of them have an idea that you have feelings for Christian for years - but Christian's so dense and treat you as a little sister at that time. He did not expect it and he was so dumbfounded that he laughed it out and saying that he only sees you as his lil'sister.

"Thank you, Y/N - but you're my little sister that I never had. I'm sorry." Christian said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Yes, you were drunk at that time. And you wished you forgot everything that had happened to that point. But it was impossible. Now you know that it was all a lie when people said they forget everything that happened to them when they're wasted. LIES!

But even if you remembered everything - you acted that you forgot about it. It was not like you, but being rejected face to face - it fvcking hurts!

You can't afford to lose your dream job just because of your drunken mistake.

You acted that everything is good between you and Christian - but it is noticeable that you're putting a distance between the two of you.

****

"I think you can check the raw ones with her assistant later." Scott get up from the sofa and was about to leave.

"Huh? Why her assistant? Where's Y/N?"

"She's taking a rest for the day. I think she catches a cold during the shoot. I'm planning to check on her later. We know how she can be when it snows. You're welcome to join me if you want." Scott dropped a teasing tone towards Christian.

"Ah. Okay. Just call me when you're going." Christian said not noticing Scott's teasing.

----

Christian can't focus on his work. He keeps ending up thinking about you.

He looked at his phone - checking if Scott text him about going to your place but he sighed when he sees nothing.

He can already admit that this is not like him at all. He told you that he only sees you as a friend - he even regards you as his little sister. But something inside him disagree.

'Do I like-love her?' Christian questioned himself. But it was cut-off when his phone rang.

It was from Scott.

"Hey. Wait a sec - I'll just save my files." Christian said right after answering.

"About that, I can't go to Y/N right now. Mr. Ahn called and requesting a meeting with Dabin." Scott said.

"Did you call Y/N?" Christian asked.

"Not yet. I tried calling to see if she's alright but she's not answering. Maybe she's just sleeping. We can visit her later - after work."

"No. I can check her now since I already shut down my PC." Christian said as he walked out from his studio.

Scott smirked because he knew well that Christian never shutdown his PC at his studio.

"Okay. Call me when you get there." Scott ended the call.

---

You were dreaming about someone was knocking at your door and keep pressing the doorbell. The doorbell gets louder every time that it woke you up.

Then you realized that it was not a dream but someone really is knocking at your door.

'Maybe it's Scott. He did mention that he will drop by'. You thought as you tried your best to get up.

You opened the door.

"Are you planning on breaking my door Sco-C-Christian! How..?" you can feel your face burning up.

"I came instead of Scott," he said avoiding your eyes.

"I see," you said. Both of you just standing there between the door. 'Okay, this is awkward'.

"Are you okay...?" Christian asked and managed to meet your eyes.

It's hard for you to stop the cough because your throat is just itching.

"I'm okay now, so you don't have to..." you looked down. Not really wanting for Christian to see you at this state. But suddenly your vision got dizzy and that made you lean forward.

Christian caught you.

"You're not okay at all." He said.

You can't tell if he's mad or worried. He guided you to your bed. And you keep coughing all the time. You want to stop so he can't see but it's really not that easy.

'I'm here now, but I don't know what to do for her. I can feel that Y/N doesn't like me here, I'm sure this situation is stressful for her'. Christian thought. 'I guess I need to try and help her feel better...'

"Did you already eat something?" Christian asked you while you're fixing the pillow at your back to sit properly.

"No," you said.

"Good thing I brought rice porridge. Eat this, then take the medicine." He said while taking out the porridge from the paper bag he had.

"I'm fine." you insisted. You just want him to leave and you can sleep. But for some god's play - your tummy decided to protest.

"Just eat." Christian tried his best to not laugh. He handed you the container for the porridge.

"Okay..." you said helplessly.

---

"Thank you for the porridge..." you said as Christian took the container from your hand.

"Now take the medicine, and go to the hospital tomorrow for an IV drip." He said as he hands you a glass of water.

"A-*cough* cold like this will be over once I slept on it. I don't have to go." you took meds and the glass of water.

"You're not going to go? When you're this sick?" Now he really sounded worried.

"I'm really all right, Christian... You can go now..." you insist as you tried to put the glass on your side table but he stops you and leans forward to get the glass from your hand. And put his hand at your forehead. You automatically closed your eyes when you felt the warmth from his hand.

"No way. At your condition right now..." Christian said. "You're burning up..." he was shocked because he was not expecting you to be this sick.

"I'm fine..." you opened your eyes. Then there you realize how you and Christian's face is so close. You can't help but blush.

Christian realizes the situation and immediately put away his hand from your forehead. "J-just go to the hospital. Darn it!"

You can't help but smile a little. You find him cute.

Christian stands up. "Try to lie back down. I'll go get a wet towel for you."

"Okay..." you said. You guess that it's no use arguing with him. As you lie down. You can't help close your eyes as you tremble. "Ugh... it's cold..."

"You're cold?" Christian saw you.

You opened your eyes and he was standing at the end of your bed. You got up.

"Just a little... I just need to put more clothes on." You said as you tried to get off the bed and walk to your closet.

"No." Christian stopped you from getting up. "You have to bring your fever down. All you need is to change into a T-shirt and shorts instead. Wait. I'll get that for you."

"Huh? W-what?"

Christian walked towards your closet and as if he owns it, he easily finds your clothes and throws it at you.

"I'm turning the light out." and he did turn off the lights.

You have no choice but change. You felt that your clothes already wet from your sweat. When you finished changing, Christian sit beside your bed and gently put the wet towel on your forehead.

"Ian, you should really go now..." you said in between your coughs.

'How can I go when you're like this?' Christian thought as he looked at you.

You felt him get up. You closed your eyes. 'Finally, he's leaving.' you thought.

Christian sighed.

"Move over a bit." you heard him.

You opened your eyes not really understood what he said. But the next thing you know that Christian slip his body beside you - in the bed. Your body automatically moved from the side to give him space.

Now Christian is hugging you from the back. If the two of you are dating - then this might be normal - cuddling you as you're feeling cold. But the two of you are way far from dating!

'Shit! What is he doing! What is he thinking?! I don't know if this will help me or it will make it worse.' You can't help but worry. You need to calm down because you're not sure if Christian can feel how your heartbeat is running wild.

"You'll be less cold like this," Christian said. Every word he said, you can feel the warmth of his breath from the side of your ear.

"C-Chris-tian... you don't really have to-"

"Just stay still. I'll leave once you fall asleep." Christian said firmly. "You'll be asleep soon since you took the medicine."

'How in God's way can I be still in this situation?! God-someone please save me!'

"Y/N. Close your eyes and go to sleep," Christian said.

You closed your eyes. But really not know how you can fall asleep with the fact that you can feel his body heat.

You don't know if it's the fever or because of him, but you feel dizzy and your mind is a mess.

But one thing is clear.

Your heart is beating so fast and the warmth from Christian's arms that you don't feel cold anymore.

You tried to close off your heart - as best as you could. But Christian's warmth is slowly melting down the walls you barely created.

"Christian Yu... why are you doing all this for me? It's like... as if you love me... How can I push you away if you're going to be like this?" you froze when you realized that you voice out your thoughts.

Christian's arms around your waist tighten.

"You're right," Christian said as he leans closer that you can feel his breath from your right ear. "I do love you and I was a fool when I denied that fact - something that obvious. I know for a long time that I treated you differently from anyone else. I'm sorry if I pretend and fight what I was feeling just because I don't want to admit that what I said before was wrong."

You tried to move to face him but Christian stopped you and buried his head between your neck. He also holds your hand and tightens his embrace.

"Please. Let me hold you like this as you fall asleep. I promise I will leave as soon as your temperature goes down."

You said nothing and just pulled him closer to you.

'I think this is a good reason to love the snow season.' You slept smiling while at Christian's embrace.

---

[ masterlist ]

[lloverz]

A gentle reminder to drink your shakes

Wake up and take a few deep breaths. Don’t think about everything you need to do today. You’ll get there when you need to, but for now just breathe.

Take yo meds!!! They’re good for you!!!

I know mental health disorders are hard to talk about. This is a safe space for EVERYONE & I would love for my followers to interact w me. I have a few posts about “meds” so in order to make you feel more comfortable, I’ll tell you what I am currently going through.

Bipolar

Borderline Personality Disorder

PTSD

there’s something else but I forgot lol

There’s nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, I recently realized that it’s important to tell the people you love and care about. I realized that I was having irrational arguments and it effected the people I love the most. My family has never really been “picture perfect” so I ignored my symptoms for a long time. I’ve been off of my meds for over a year and today (rn actually) I’m going to the dr to get them refilled.

It’s not only important to tell your family, but your extended family and friends.

Recently I had a conversation with my ex’s cousin and she sadi that for the past 4 years, her entire family thought I didn’t like them. It was because the “smallest thing” would drastically change my mood, and they thought it was because of them. I felt so bad and immediately told her that I love them, and btw I have these mental health issues.

Right after I told her what I have, she immediately said “ohhhh okay, yeah I can see it” and it felt like years of distance disappeared just because I was open about my experience.

I used to be the type of person to be ashamed and hide this information, until I realized that it’s actually very common. A lot of people never do any self reflection, so they don’t think there’s a reason to go to the dr. There’s a couple people in my family that show even more intense signs of being bipolar than me, yet when the subject comes up they deflect. So if there’s already a few of those in MY family, I can imagine they are everywhere. There’s nothing to be ashamed of about getting proper help and knowing yourself!

signs of a bipolar person ( based off of what it’s like to be me lol )

extreme mood swings. for me, I will be manic for about 3 months then in my lower state for the next 3 months and so on. Mood swings also happen when a person becomes irritable, resulting in A LOT of intense anger. (shaking, yelling, aggressive actions for at least an hour)

when in a manic state, I am super creative. I’ll start a million businesses AND keep working on other creative things. I went from spending a lot of money I didn’t have to creating businesses with what I do have.

when in the lower state, it feels like there’s zero motivation. “everything is what it is and isn’t what it isn’t. everything is nothing and nothing is everything, what’s the point? life goes on” this is accompanied with feelings of depression, insecurity, A LOT of anxiety, etc.

when in a manic state, I feel like I want to solve ALL the WORLD’S problems. Sign me up for mayor, I’ll get shit done around here. this state of mind is accompanied with confidence, security, charisma, openess, hanging out a lot with friends and family, and being very active always doing something.

Now I’ll let you know what it’s like to be borderline. this subject is a little harder because when I think about the times I displayed this behavior, I really look at it with disgust because why would I do that?? lol. But i know that’s something I need to work on in myself. I can’t control what I am not aware of at the moment so I can’t be too hard on myself. I just need to be more self aware to tackle these BPD character traits. Let’s not have shame about who we are.

taking on characteristics from others ( convincing yourself that you like/don’t like the same things as them )

having a sense of not really knowing yourself

having a hard time “fitting in”

I’m not really sure what other characteristics I display of BPD, that is something I need to pay more attention to. If you feel as though you have any of these symptoms, don’t hesitate to talk to a psychiatrist. I have insurance that pays for my medication and my therapy visits, you can sign up for benefits online. There’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s best to get the care you need.

i love yall, take care!🫶✌️

[bittybattybunny]

Soooo since I hadn’t gotten many suggestions for Eclipse I wound up thinking “let’s turn her into a frog” cuz a friend sent me a frog video and I felt like it.

Also played with lineart a bit. I changed the tool I used for it to play around some since my headache meds kicked in finally.

fic time! (btw fic takes place in May!)

She put her little hands on her cheeks with a whine. She hopped around the pool and peeked to look again and it was still true. She opened her mouth and looked at the odd blue color and sighed heavily.

“Great. I’m a frog,” she mumbled and sat there, staring at her reflection. “Good job Eclipse. You’ve been a professional treasure hunter for most your life. But these past few months have triggered more curses than you care to count. Why did this one even affect me? It’s water-based.” she lamented and hopped through the old shrine. She sighed as she moved and thought about what could have done it. She paused and looked back. She jumped over rubble and found her discarded clothing. 

With a lot of effort, the frog managed to move the garments and bags and pushed her nose against the shiny ball of metal.

“You.” she hissed, “you must have done this!!” she pouted. 

Of all days to be hunting alone too. She sighed. At least Snatcher had Hattie. It’d be no big deal if she never came home. She could hope the curse would wear off but as a small hand-sized frog she was more in danger of birds and predators.

She sniffled and sighed. She rested her head down tiredly as she made a nest in her clothing and pulled it over her.

-------

“She’s not answering her phone.” Snatcher chewed his lip. He looked at Hattie who held an equal worry, “I-I’m sure she’s fine but.” he frowned and called his brother.

“Hey---”

“Is Eclipse with you?” Snatcher tapped his foot on the kitchen tile, “I can’t get her to answer her phone. She said she’d only be gone a few days and normally she calls to wish Hattie a good night.”

“I haven’t seen or heard from her since last moon.” Marcus admitted, “Hold on I can check threads see if it says anything.” the ghost shifted to levitate his phone with a few threads as his eyes turned black and he looked. He frowned and took the phone, “I can’t tell from my location. Sorry. Worth a shot if she was near me I’d see.”

“Thanks…” Snatcher hung up and chewed his lip until it bled. He looked at Hattie and sighed. He picked her up and grabbed his bag as he left the house.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m dropping you with your grandfather’s then I’m going to ask Kaya if she’s seen Eclipse.”

“Okay…” Hattie frowned, “mom’s okay… right?”

“Yes she has to be okay.” he smiled gently as he knocked on the door.

------

“Soooo you haven’t heard from her and she’s not answering her phone.” the demoness asked as she worked on some papers. She leaned on her hand with a large double mouthed yawn. She rubbed her eye, “Marcus can’t find her so you’re asking me.”

“I-I don’t know how to contact her if she doesn’t answer her phone! You’re a demigod can’t you---” he begged.

She sighed, “I’m a demi-god sure but I’m not omnipotent you know. I just know about curses and monsters.” she stood up and cracked her back. She looked at her shelf as she frowned in thought. Her fingers tracing the spines.

“Hey you have a big crush on her right?” she asked rather bluntly. She watched his face flush and snickered, “Okay that actually can help.”

“Can it?” he frowned and got up, looking at the books.

“Mmhm.” she pulled a dusty rose-colored book down and set it on her desk. She began to flip through the pages until she found the one she wanted, “I’m going to basically teleport you to where ever she is. I’m going to use the fact you’re infatuated with her as the locator.”

He gulped, “D-Does that really work?”

“Yeah, it’d be better if the feeling is mutual but I kinda think it’s not a problem.” the teenager snickered as she looked at the page. She moved away from the desk and pushed the chair out of the way. She pricked her left thumb on her fangs and began to scrawl symbols in black blood on the floor. She huffed and double checked the book. She moved out of the way.

“Come stand here.” she ordered.

He grabbed his bag with a pale expression, “W-what do I do if she’s hurt?”

“Call me. I can easily jump to your shadow as long as I know in advance. Ready?” she asked as a circle of runes glowed around her hand.

He nodded and gripped his bag’s strap tightly, “A-as I can be.” he shut his eyes as the spell trigger and he was hurtled rapidly through the temple into a wall with a crash.

The frog jumped from the water in shock as she heard the noise. She looked around and gasped seeing him. Her heart raced, “S-Snatcher!” she panicked and jumped over to the man as he rubbed his bleeding and broken nose. Her eyes wide as she put little froggy hands on his thigh as he sat there.

He paused and looked around. He heard her. I definitely heard her.

“Eclipse?” he asked as he looked before realizing the frog. He blinked and reached a hand. She timidly hopped on and looked at the palm of his hand instead of his face. He stared and frowned, “Eclipse?”

She looked up and he couldn’t mistake those dual-toned eyes. He gave a sigh of relief. She croaked a little.

“Thank god you’re okay.” he brought her to his face and rested his forehead against her.

“H-How did you get here?!” she asked worried, “S-Snatcher why---”

“I was worried about you.” he admitted softly. He smiled as he moved her away from his face so he could look at her as he talked. He used his free hand to stroke the top of her head gently, “So you’re a little frog. So much for curse resistant.”

She huffed, “I-It had to be part of a fairy curse is all. I-I hoped it would just wear off and I could go home but…” she looked at her hands sadly.

He frowned, “how can I help?” he frowned in thought. His face turned red. He gulped, “S-Should we try our classic curse breaker?”

She felt her heart pounding, “N-No you don’t have to! I-It’s fine you don’t want to kiss a frog a-and I-I’ll be naked!”

He sighed and smiled at her, “I’ll kiss a frog. I mean you’ve kissed a curse high merman, a leviathan, even letting yourself get cursed in your willingness to help me.” he set her down and started to remove his overshirt. She watched and gasped when he dropped it on her. She wiggled in the fabric as he moved to lift her, her head in the neck hole.

She blinked as he chuckled and winked.

“I know not the best solution, but you wouldn’t be naked right? My shirt should be long enough to maintain your dignity.” he offered, his voice never ceasing to raise from the calming tone he used.

She frowned and nodded, “O-Okay…” 

He lifted her gently and placed a small kiss on the front of her mouth. He heard a small popping and felt the cold frog flesh grow warmer and softer. He smiled as she sheepishly pulled away, her silver hair falling as she sat in front of him in his shirt. Her face was bright red as she couldn’t meet his eyes. He smirked and leaned over, kissing her cheek gently making her squeak.

She covered her mouth with her hand as she looked at the floor, “T-thank you for c-coming to help me…” she paused, “W-wait you never explained! H-how did you get here?!” She panicked and leaned over, hands to either side of his lap.

His heart moved faster as she got closer, his shirt doing its best to cover her. He looked away ashamed. He didn’t want to admit how.

“K-Kaya used a spell to teleport me.” It wasn’t a lie. But he elected to not mention she used his crush to locate the werewolf.

She blinked and sighed, sitting down in relief, “Oh. I thought you did something stupid to get here.” she laughed and he tried to calm down with a big cheesy grin. 

“Well, I’m still shocked you could locate me to teleport! How’d you get the destination?” she stood up. He tried to not look up from where he sat. He watched her move to find her clothing and she began to put it back on, carefully so she’d not expose herself to him.

“O-oh um.. Just. things. N-nothing to worry about.” He mumbled, “S-She just used a um.. Special connection of sorts… to locate you.”

“Connection? Threads? Cuz we’re friends and co-parents?” she asked as her face turned pink.

“S-Sure.” he chuckled as she pulled his shirt off and he sighed inwardly as he’d been rather pleased about it. She smoothed her hair and grabbed her bag. She looked to find a broken piece of rubble and used it to push the golden orb as she scowled.

“Is that?” he asked walking over as she pushed it to sink into the pond.

She glared as it slowly faded into the water. “Mmhm.” she sighed, “Stupid thing.” she huffed.

He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her side and pulled her close. She felt her face heat up as he nuzzled her.

“H-Hey now.” she mumbled as he grinned. He stuck his tongue out.

“I missed you.” he pressed his cheek to hers.

She frowned and smiled gently. She leaned against him as he chuckled, “I missed you too. Thank you for coming to get me…”

[hockeysweetheart]

I was thinking about Katniss saying she never wanted to have children. I noticed most of the time she said she never wanted kids Gale was involved. Yes there are points fear yes if her and Peeta had kids with Snow in power. Her children would have a one way ticket to the games.  But after the Peeta’s baby bomb she was like okay didn’t expect then then very shortly after she’s like well the damage is done thank god I had no say in this. and Then a few chapters later she was like it’s not my plan to have kids with Gale your crazy. 2 seconds later oh I dream of a world Peeta’s child is safe. 

Okay Katniss who knew Gale better but Peeta longer. She is totally like me Marry Gale ahahaha your so Funny Me Have his children pfft not a freaking Chance. But when it comes to Peeta she could of denied it but she didn’t. sure she said “it’s for an act” but she knows she was fooling herself saying that because of the sheer fact that she was like well he’s not that bad... blushes...  plus  she never worked up any excuse for Hey Peeta   we over. Because I truely beileve she  had feeling for him the whole damn time.  and when it came to Gale she’s like were friends. Peeta it’s like oh my god you saved my life I can’t live without you. ( without admitting shes in love with him).  becuase lord knows how long that took.  anyways I got off track a bit.  

I’ll say this again  she wanted to be with Gale because it would be the biggest slap in the face to the Capitol but she couldn’t let go of Peeta.  without Fail every single  time she had sparks with Gale  her Feelings for Peeta were not far behind.  Plus she totally burned that bridge when Gale came out as a player.  but It’s Gale confusing Katniss when they kissed. Because not once before the games did he say btw I like you any sign of it that Katniss caught on.  Whereas Peeta is flirting with Katniss the whole freaking time. and yes Katniss is a little slow to catch on so slow in fact it took Peeta  to tell the whole  world that he’s madly in love with the world before she realized that he was just a boy in love with me. ( in fact it took her longer to realize that).  

Okay Katniss is a bit slow to show it. But some kisses were for I couldn’t do this without you. That beach kiss was all love sweetheart ( at that point we all knew that Peeta won Katniss’s heart.)  But like Gale literally almost got whipped to death and her reaction was like was like just give him the meds to knock him out let him slip away. and for Peeta when he hit that force field it’s like  oh my god I cannot live without you. Don’t ever do that again. and like later without Peeta I’ll never be truely happy again. I do I need you. I’ll be damaged beyond repare with you gone.

Below are some refences I pulled up of The whole “ not having kids or marrying to doing both”  subject... 

chapter 1  the hunger games 

"We could do it, you know," Gale says quietly. "What?" I ask. "Leave the district. Run off. Live in the woods. You and I, we could make it," says Gale. I don't know how to respond. The idea is so preposterous. "If we didn't have so many kids," he adds quickly. They're not our kids, of course. But they might as well be. Gale's two little brothers and a sister. Prim. And you may as well throw in our mothers, too, because how would they live without us? Who would fill those mouths that are always asking for more? With both of us hunting daily, there are still nights when game has to be swapped for lard or shoelaces or wool, still nights when we go to bed with our stomachs growling. "I never want to have kids," I say. "I might. If I didn't live here," says Gale. "But you do," I say, irritated. "Forget it," he snaps back. The conversation feels all wrong. Leave? How could I leave Prim, who is the only person in the world I'm certain I love? And Gale is devoted to his family. We can't leave, so why bother talking about it? And even if we did. even if we did. where did this stuff about having kids come from? There's never been anything romantic between Gale and me. When we met, I was a skinny twelve-year-old, and although he was only two years older, he already looked like a man. It took a long time for us to even become friends, to stop haggling over every trade and begin helping each other out. Besides, if he wants kids, Gale won't have any trouble finding a wife. He's good-looking, he's strong enough to handle the work in the mines, and he can hunt. You can tell by the way the girls whisper about him when he walks by in school that they want him. It makes me jealous but not for the reason people would think. Good hunting partners are hard to find.

the hunger games chapter 3 

Finally, Gale is here and maybe there is nothing romantic between us, but when he opens his arms I don't hesitate to go into them. His body is familiar to me  -  the way it moves, the smell of wood smoke, even the sound of his heart beating I know from quiet moments on a hunt  -  but this is the first time I really feel it, lean and hard-muscled against my own.

the hunger games chapter 10

I don't know what to think. "I should have been told, so I didn't look so stupid." "No, your reaction was perfect. If you'd known, it wouldn't have read as real," says Portia. "She's just worried about her boyfriend," says Peeta gruffly, tossing away a bloody piece of the urn. My cheeks burn again at the thought of Gale. "I don't have a boyfriend." "Whatever," says Peeta. "But I bet he's smart enough to know a bluff when he sees it. Besides you didn't say you loved me. So what does it matter?" The words are sinking in. My anger fading. I'm torn now between thinking I've been used and thinking I've been given an edge. Haymitch is right. I survived my interview, but what was I really? A silly girl spinning in a sparkling, dress. Giggling. The only moment of any substance I hail was when I talked about Prim. Compare that with Thresh, his silent, deadly power, and I'm forgettable. Silly and sparkly and forgettable. No, not entirely forgettable, I have my eleven in training.

the hunger games chapter 23 

Four of us left.

For the first time, I allow myself to truly think about the possibility that I might make it home. To fame. To wealth. To my own house in the Victor's Village. My mother and Prim would live there with me. No more fear of hunger. A new kind of freedom. But then. what? What would my life be like on a daily basis? Most of it has been consumed with the acquisition of food. Take that away and I'm not really sure who I am, what my identity is. The idea scares me some. I think of Haymitch, with all his money. What did his life become? He lives alone, no wife or children, most of his waking hours drunk. I don't want to end up like that.

"But you won't be alone," I whisper to myself. I have my mother and Prim. Well, for the time being. And then. I don't want to think about then, when Prim has grown up, my mother passed away. I know I'll never marry, never risk bringing a child into the world. Because if there's one thing being a victor doesn't guarantee, it's your children's safety. My kids' names would go right into the reaping balls with everyone else's. And I swear I'll never let that happen.

catching fire chapter 2 ( this was what katniss was gonna say to gale after he kissed her)

That week I managed the snares and dropped off the meat with Hazelle. But I didn't see Gale until Sunday. I had this whole speech worked out, about how I didn't want a boyfriend and never planned on marrying, but I didn't end up using it. Gale acted as if the kiss had never happened.

Maybe he was waiting for me to say something. Or kiss him back. Instead I just pretended it had never happened, either. But it had. Gale had shattered some invisible barrier between us and, with it, any hope I had of resuming our old, uncomplicated friendship. Whatever I pretended, I could never look at his lips in quite the same way.

catching fire chapter 4 

In my room, I remove my sodden slippers, my wet robe and pajamas. There are more in the drawers but I just crawl between the covers of my bed in my underclothes. I stare into the darkness, thinking about my conversation with Haymitch. Everything he said was true about the Capitol's expectations, my future with Peeta, even his last comment. Of course, I could do a lot worse than Peeta. That isn't really the point, though, is it? One of the few freedoms we have in District 12 is the right to marry who we want or not marry at all. And now even that has been taken away from me. I wonder if President Snow will insist we have children. If we do, they'll have to face the reaping each year. And wouldn't it be something to see the child of not one but two victors chosen for the arena? Victors' children have been in the ring before. It always causes a lot of excitement and generates talk about how the odds are not in that family's favor. But it happens too frequently to just be about odds. Gale's convinced the Capitol does it on purpose, rigs the drawings to add extra drama. Given all the trouble I've caused, I've probably guaranteed any child of mine a spot in the Games.

catching fire chapter 18 

There. He's done it again. Dropped a bomb that wipes out the efforts of every tribute who came before him. Well, maybe not. Maybe this year he has only lit the fuse on a bomb that the victors themselves have been building. Hoping someone would be able to detonate it. Perhaps thinking it would be me in my bridal gown. Not knowing how much I rely on Cinna's talents, whereas Peeta needs nothing more than his wits. As the bomb explodes, it sends accusations of injustice and barbarism and cruelty flying out in every direction. Even the most Capitol-loving, Games-hungry, bloodthirsty person out there can't ignore, at least for a moment, how horrific the whole thing is. I am pregnant. The audience can't absorb the news right away. It has to strike them and sink in and be confirmed by other voices before they begin to sound like a herd of wounded animals, moaning, shrieking, calling for help. And me? I know my face is projected in a tight close-up on the screen, but I don't make any effort to hide it. Because for a moment, even I am working through what Peeta has said. Isn't it the thing I dreaded most about the wedding, about the future - the loss of my children to the Games? And it could be true now, couldn't it? If I hadn't spent my life building up layers of defenses until I recoil at even the suggestion of marriage or a family?

The moment we step off the elevator, Peeta grips my shoulders. "There isn't much time, so tell me. Is there anything I have to apologize for?"

"Nothing," I say. It was a big leap to take without my okay, but I'm just as glad I didn't know, didn't have time to second-guess him, to let any guilt over Gale detract from how I really feel about what Peeta did. Which is empowered.

catching fire chapter 24

Peeta won't let him, though. "It's too dangerous," he says. "I'm not tired. You lie down, Katniss." I don't object because I do need to sleep if I'm to be of any use keeping him alive. I let him lead me over to where the others are. He puts the chain with the locket around my neck, then rests his hand over the spot where our baby would be. "You're going to make a great mother, you know," he says. He kisses me one last time and goes back to Finnick. His reference to the baby signals that our time-out from the Games is over. That he knows the audience will be wondering why he hasn't used the most persuasive argument in his arsenal. That sponsors must be manipulated. But as I stretch out on the sand I wonder, could it be more? Like a reminder to me that I could still one day have kids with Gale? Well, if that was it, it was a mistake. Because for one thing, that's never been part of my plan. And for another, if only one of us can be a parent, anyone can see it should be Peeta. As I drift off, I try to imagine that world, somewhere in the future, with no Games, no Capitol. A place like the meadow in the song I sang to Rue as she died. Where Peeta's child could be safe.

mockingjay chapter 3 

I skim my list. "Gale. I'll need him with me to do this." "With you how? Off camera? By your side at all times? Do you want him presented as your new lover?" Coin asks. She hasn't said this with any particular malice - quite the contrary, her words are very matter-of-fact. But my mouth still drops open in shock. "What?" "I think we should continue the current romance. A quick defection from Peeta could cause the audience to lose sympathy for her," says Plutarch. "Especially since they think she's pregnant with his child." "Agreed. So, on-screen, Gale can simply be portrayed as a fellow rebel. Is that all right?" says Coin. I just stare at her. She repeats herself impatiently. "For Gale. Will that be sufficient?" "We can always work him in as your cousin," says Fulvia.

"We're not cousins," Gale and I say together.

"Right, but we should probably keep that up for appearances' sake on camera," says Plutarch. "Off camera, he's all yours. Anything else?"

I'm rattled by the turn in the conversation. The implications that I could so readily dispose of Peeta, that I'm in love with Gale, that the whole thing has been an act. My cheeks begin to burn. The very notion that I'm devoting any thought to who I want presented as my lover, given our current circumstances, is demeaning. I let my anger propel me into my greatest demand. "When the war is over, if we've won, Peeta will be pardoned."

Dead silence. I feel Gale's body tense. I guess I should have told him before, but I wasn't sure how he'd respond. Not when it involved Peeta.

mockingjay

They play in the Meadow. The dancing girl with the dark hair and blue eyes. The boy with blond curls and gray eyes, struggling to keep up with her on his chubby toddler legs. It took five, ten, fifteen years for me to agree. But Peeta wanted them so badly. When I first felt her stirring inside of me, I was consumed with a terror that felt as old as life itself. Only the joy of holding her in my arms could tame it. Carrying him was a little easier, but not much.

The questions are just beginning. The arenas have been completely destroyed, the memorials built, there are no more Hunger Games. But they teach about them at school, and the girl knows we played a role in them. The boy will know in a few years. How can I tell them about that world without frightening them to death? My children, who take the words of the song for granted:

My children, who don't know they play on a graveyard. Peeta says it will be okay. We have each other. And the book. We can make them understand in a way that will make them braver. But one day I'll have to explain about my nightmares. Why they came. Why they won't ever really go away. I'll tell them how I survive it. I'll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because I'm afraid it could be taken away. That's when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do. It's like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after more than twenty years. But there are much worse games to play.

[missfluffywriter]

Purple Irises I Mafia Park Jimin x Reader

Authors note: Oh my god I did not expect to people to actually read this. Let alone like it. And I’m so happy you guys liked it! But yesterday I read back on what I had written. And was like, what is this shit. And that was when I realized I sucked at writing second person pov. But I found a way to improve my writing. At least a little but :’) Though it will take longer for me to write chapters, at least they will be better quality. I actually did a lot of research for this chapter. Ngl kinda proud of it Btw still working on that master list. But for now the links are below. Which is like two right now. Thank you for all the support! Happy readings!

Word count: 9k 

Genre: Mafia au, this ones kinda fluffy, kind of suspense not really

Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader 

(Series) Summary: You were supposed to be delivering flowers, how did you end up in an operation room digging out a bullet from a mafia boss’ shoulder? 

Purple irises: Royalty and wisdom

Warning: Guns, violence, smoking, 

Previous chapter I Next chapter I Masterlist

You gasped, eyes flying open, awakened by an abrupt pull on your hand. Scrambling backwards, startled from your sleep, you look up, head still in the haze of sleep, sight fuzzy, you freeze. When your eyes meet the muzzle of a gun. Vision trailing upwards to its owner. It was Jimin, on his knees, face contorted in pain. He was cradling his injured shoulder with his good arm, he held the gun with his damaged one. A splotch of red stained the white bandages around his left shoulder.

“Who the hell are you!? And what are you doing here?!” He thundered, eyes twitching from pain. The boom of his voice wakes the other men in the room, they jump startled from their slumber. Jimin growls, clicking the gun’s safety off, more than ready to shoot you where you sat. You open your mouth, hastily trying to respond.

“Hyung! Wiat! She’s not a threat!” Jeonguk cried, stepping in front of you, trying to calm his panicked elder. Jimin’s eyes snapped to the younger male’s, before returning to your form behind Jeongguk.

“What?!” He spat, confusion flooding his pained expression.

“Jimin, Calm down, he’s telling the truth, she's not a threat,” Namjoon interjects, hoping to diffuse the situation before anyone was shot. He eased his way towards the bed from where he had been resting. Careful steps, moving as though approaching a wild animal, at that moment Jimin could be considered just as deadly as one.

“Do you remember anything from yesterday?” He questions, taking calm strides, coming to a stand next to Jeongguk. “Do you remember the surgery?” He asks.

Jimin eyes shift trying to recall any memories from the previous day. He cringed when he remembered the surgery, and the searing pain he of someone digging around his open wound with strange medical instruments. His eyes scanned your face, you did look mildly familiar. He had seen you somewhere... right, in the medical room. He had caught a glimpse when you when you were poking around in his shoulder. The majority of your face had been covered by a mask, but he remembered your eyes.  

“And she has no connections so the Yeong’s?” Jimin asks, still unconvinced of your harmlessness.

“None,” Namjoon assures.

“You know that because?” Jimin raises a brow.

“I ran a background check, and no connections,”

Jimin’s posture relaxes, Namjoon’s intel was nearly never misplaced. He lowered his gun, and fell back onto his bed. Flinching in pain as he did so. You wearily released a breath you didn’t know you were holding, before deeply inhaling and gathering your bearings, you stood.

“The bandages, I need to clean your wound and change your bandages, but you might have reopened your sutures. So I may need to replace them. But we can start you on pain meds after you eat something,” Using the table behind you for support as you stood, still shaky from the encounter. You weren’t too sure if you should’ve said that or not, but the doctor in you couldn’t take the need to attend to the possibly re-opened wound.

“I’ll need clean water, any kind of antibiotic ointment like bacitracin or Neosporin, cotton pads, gauze, and bandages,” You recount your supplies list, voice soft, as your eyes fly within your eye sockets trying to recall if you had missed anything.

“Anything else” Hoseok piped, shuffling past Namjoon and Jeongguk. You shook your head no. “Alright, I’ll go get the stuff,” His lips curved up, giving you a gentle smile before scampering out the door.

“Right then, I’ll have the maids deliver breakfast,” Jin announced, breaking the short quiet that had fallen.Your gaze followed Jin as he booked it. A soft smile tugged at your lips when you caught a glance at his expression. He looked tired but wore a relieved expression.

“You okay, (Y/n)?” You shifted your eyes to meet Jeongguk’s. And smiled to let him know you would be fine. The awkward silence returned, and you fidgeted with your fingers. Until Hoseok burst in through the double doors, supplies in hand. You let out a breath of relief, now you’d have something to do instead of sit there and fidget.

You quietly thanked him and helped him place all the supplies on the edge of the large bed. Your gaze met Jimin’s, “Um May I?”

He nodded, looking away.

“Can you turn around for a bit? It’ll be easier to take off the bandage,” You asked him, pointing to the bandage clip that was holding everything together. He paused, considering whether to turn his back to you or not. It would leave him vulnerable to you, but you were surrounded by his men. If you tried anything, they were there. And so he did, eyeing you before wordlessly facing the other direction.

You could see the contemplation in her eye, he had just froze for a few minutes. You were even thinking of teaching one of them to change his bandages. But turns out you wouldn't have to after all.

“This is gonna hurt,” You gently undo the metal bandage clip, you grab hold of the loose end of the bandage and slowly begin unfurling it. Moving as delicately as possible, you reach over his shoulders, under his right armpit, then over his back, then repeat.

You muttered an apology when Jimin winced as you took the last layer of gauze off. Once the bloodied bandages and gauze were gone, you needed to clean the suture. You breathe out, backing off the bed, you stand. Jimin’s eyes follow you, confusion riddled on his face, as well as on the faces of the other four men in the room.

“Is there a clean towel or washcloth I can use?” You ask, meeting eyes with each men.

“Hyung I’m gonna grab one of your towels,” Jeongguk bolts towards Jimin’s massive closet, not even waiting for an answer. A faint smile made its way onto Jimin’s face as he watched the youngest male. The folds on his forehead fading as his eyes follow his little brother came charging into the room a fluffy white towel in hand.

Delivering the towel to you, Jeongguk rushed into the bathroom, and you hear the water running. Jeongguk is holding a glass bowl, attentively taking slow steps as to not spill the water. He gingerly places the large bowl on the floor next to you.

“Thank you,” You smile widely at the brunette, who returns the smile with one of his own, and oh, it's that bunny smile again. His nose scrunches and he shows off his pearly whites.

“No problem,’’

Namjoon smiles at the interaction, happy to see his usually reserved friend talk  so freely around, essitenially a stranger.     

Dunking the towel into the bowl, you felt the warm water hit your skin. And smiled at the feeling, the temperature was perfect, not hot but not cold either, it was warm. Wringing out the towel, Jimin now sitting as he did before. Jimin hissed in pain, as you tenderly dab the towel before, softly dragging the towel across the sutured wound. Once the blood had been wiped away, you were able to get a clear look at the sutures. The sutures were still in place, good.

“Looks like you don’t need to replace any. Hm, you probably moved too fast,” You muse, opening the tube of bacitracin and squeezing some onto a cotton pad.

“Okay, this is gonna sting,” You warn, eyeing Jimin. He tensed, letting out a breath, nodding, giving you the go ahead.

Gingerly rubbing the ointment on, you mutter apologies as he displays his colorful vocabulary. Once you properly applied the bacitracin, you folded some gauze into a decent sized square placing it on the injury then wrapping gauze around and over his shoulder. Then gently wrapping the bandages like you did the gauze, finish the dressing by clipping the bandage clip on.

“Okay, all done,” The corners of your lips lifted, looking over your handy work. “We’ll have to change your bandages twice a day, so be ready for that,” You laugh as you pick up the water bowl. Which, now that you were looking at it, it seemed more like a decorative bowl than a regular glass bowl. The glass had been carved into, patterns of vines and blooms twisted around the bowl. You grinned, did Jeongguk just bring whatever bowl he found in the bathroom?

“Here I’ll take it,” The male in question offered. You eyed him with a grin. “No, I did not take the flower bowl from huyng’s bathroom.”

“Uh-huh,” You nodded in mock belief. Jeongguk puffed his cheeks, stomping away, then panicked when some of the water in the bowl spilled.

You laughed out loud at the male’s adorable childishness, leaning against the bed on the floor. Hoseok burst into a fit of laughter as the Jeongguk scrunched his face in disdain. The men agreeing with your sentiment, chuckled along. This wasn’t funny, now he had to clean up this mess. But an unknowing smile snuck its way onto Jimin’s lips as he watched you giggle.

Knock Knock Knock

“Ah it must be breakfast,” Namjoon called, voice light from the rueful moment. He opened the door and let two maids in. They wore long black dresses with full sleeves, and a white apron tied around their body. They wore what you would call a traditional maid outfit. And each wheeled in a food trolley, leaving them with Namjoon, who gave them a small smile and a nod. They respectfully bowed and left the room.  

Breakfast had arrived yet still no sign of Jin. Was he not going to eat with you guys? You frowned with an involuntary tilt of your head. Jimin blinked at your actions, you looked…like a puppy. The soft furring of your brows, and lips that tugged downwards. That was...adorable. He snapped his eyes away, realizing he was staring.

Though your frown melted when a figure entered through the double doors. It was Jin! And he had a trolley of his own. However, instead of food, his trolley featured an array of spirited beverages. From margaritas to martinis, what was that red thing in a cocktail glass?

“I brought everyone’s favourites!” Jin announced a wide grin on his face.

This time around, the plates of food hadn’t been placed on the coffee table. You blinked, ah they were eating together, with Jimin.

“Come on, let's eat!” Hoseok bounced, handing you a plate. You smiled gratefully, thanking him for the food. And he gave you such a brilliant smile that would put the sun to shame.

It was an english breakfast; eggs, toast, sassauges, and some colorful vegetables. There were condiments too, butter, jam, and honey.

As everyone grabbed a plate, they each sought a place close to Jimin. Jeongguk sat directly beside him on the right side of bed, Namjoon sat on Jimin’s left with Yoongi in the space in front of Namjoon. Hoseok sat cross legged at the center of the bed. But Jin had yet to sit, he was handing out everyone’s drinks. You sat on the rug, this time next the foot of the bed.

Nothing could stop the smile forming on your lips, it was incredibly endearing watching these men interact. Growing up, you had always enjoyed observing others, not in a creepy way of course. And just watching these men get along and laugh together warmed your heart.

“What are you doing all the way over there? Get over here! We haven’t introduced you Jimin yet!” Jin called in faux anger, waving his hands in a ‘get over here’ motion.

Your eyes widened in surprise, were they inviting you to eat with them? Would they truly invite you in such an intimate moment? And your questions were answered.

“Would you like a written invitation?!” Jin hollered, and you scrambled your way to the group, careful not to drop your food. You sat between Yoongi and Namjoon on the rug, so Jimin could still see you.

“Sorry, I didn’t know what you liked, so I just got you coffee,” Jin handed you your cup, making himself comfortable next to you. And you shook your head.

“No, it's fine. I don’t really drink that much anyway,”

“Sounds to me like someone’s trying to cover up the fact that they’re a light weight,” Yoongi jokes, and the others chuckle with him, but the laughter faded when you refused to meet his eyes, your cheeks slightly flushed.

“Wait, you’re actually a light weight?” Yoongi asked, with a mild look of shock on his face. You turned your body away.

“I was busy studying most of the time, okay? I didn’t have time to go partying,” Jimin smiled, amusement dancing in his honey brown orbs, as you puffed your cheeks grumbling, stuffing eggs into your mouth.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,”Namjoon chuckles at you child like behaviour, before continuing,  “But I believe that we should formally introduce you to Jimin,”

You nodded, “My name is (L/n) (Y/n), but please call me (Y/n), I am twenty-four years old, and an ex-doctor trainee? Current assistant florist,”  You explained everything in one go.

“I apologize for what happened earlier, you startled me, was all. I am Park Jimin, and the head of this group,” he introduced himself, a smile on his lips. Though amusement still plays on his expression.  You nod, going back to your food.

Breakfast somehow seemed rowdier than dinner the day before, with Jeongguk and Jin play fighting. Jeongguk overpowering Jin. Yoongi and Hoseok made small talk, sharing jokes and playful jabs.

By the time breakfast was done, the sun was its highest point, shining brightly. So it was more of a brunch than a breakfast. You crawled to one of the trolleys, placing your ceramic plate on the lower deck. Then standing and stretching, as you did you thought of your pupper, technically she was still a puppy at one years old. You looked at Namjoon a little anxious. Shelty hadn’t been today, she was probably starving by now.

“ Ah yes, we can get your dog today,” Namjoon said, almost reading your mind. “Actually, why don’t you and Guk head out right now?”

Your eyes snapped towards Jeongguk, you gaze pleading. Jeongguk chuckled and crawled off the bed, coming to a stand next to you. “Alright let's go,”

You practically bounced with joy, happy you were going to see your baby again. Sure, it had been less than twenty-four hours since the last time you had seen her, but missed her fluffy cuddles and slobbery kisses.

“We’ll be back!” Jeongguk called heading out the door. You waved at the men still sitting before rushing after the brunette who was already out the door.

“She has a dog?” Jimin questioned, meeting Namjoon’s eyes. Who simply nodded in response. “What kind?”

“You’ll see,” Jin snickers, organizing the dishes on the trolley.

“By god they were rich!”  You thought, flabbergasted, as you stood in the underground parking. The garage had to be as humongous as the mansion above. And cars took up nearly every parking space available. And here you stood, in some section of the garage in front of a SUV that probably costs more than your life. It had a white body and the hood of the car slightly sloped toward the nose end of the car. And Right above the bumper sat a crest of shield with a golden bull you knew this car was a Lamborghini. You didn’t know the model it was, all you knew, all you needed to know was that. It. Was. expensive.

“Come on get in,” Jeongguk says, sliding into the driver's seat. You staggered as you gently pulled on the handle and gingerly sat in the passenger's seat, in all honesty afraid you might scratch the beauty. Jeongguk chuckled catching onto what you were thinking.

“Don’t worry, it’s not gonna break,”

The drive to your apartment was spent with Jeongguk telling you the story of how he learned to drive. It was easy talking to Jeongguk, conversations just flowed smoother than a stream. Topic to topic, story to story, before you knew it you at the gate of your apartment complex.

“Ah, let me open the gate,” you say clicking on the remote to the remote control gate. “I don’t have a car, so you can park in my parking spot. My parking is C3”

Jeongguk nodded, steering the car to the vacant parking space. You giddily unbuckled your seat belt, excited to you girl. A soft smile making its way to his lips at your excitement.

“Come on slowpoke, my apartments on the third floor,” you holler, already half inside the building.

“Coming, coming,” he jogs to catch up to you. He would see your dog now, she was a wild dog. He wondered how big she was.

“There, at the end of the hallway,” you point to the door that read 54. Keys already  in hand you, quickly unlock the door.  

“Shelty! I’m home!” You cheered as you walked in.

The apartment was a studio, it was small, much smaller than that Jeongguk was used to. But it looked cozy, the dim-ish lighting and soft glow brought by the fairy lights that hung on your ceiling. The walls were white, cracks in the plaster here and there. A decent sized window on the left wall,insight blue curtains covered the windows. A fluffy baby blue blanket and a fuzzy puppy blanket on your queen bed. A low umber brown headboard, Jeongguk chuckles to himself, as he counted over twenty pillows on your bed. But, where was your dog? He pondered eyes glancing across the many bookshelves that decorate your walls. All of them filled to the brim with books. Did you like reading? His thoughts wandered, when a shadow moved in the corner of his eye. Jeongguk snaps his head toward the direction of the shadow. He froze, eyes wide.

There stood a jet black wolf, about as tall as his upper thigh, it’s ears barely reaching his hips, with golden amber eyes. The large wolf sauntered over walking past him as you stood.

“Shelty! Oh my good girl, I’m sorry I wasn’t home yesterday,” You bend down massaging her neck, placing kisses on her forehead, nuzzling into her fur. Shelty’s tail swished, from one side to another happy to see you.

Now Jeongguk understood why you insisted on being here yourself, if he had walked in here and was welcomed to the sight of that giant thing bearing its teeth, he would’ve shot it thinking a wolf had broken into your home.

“ You really weren’t kidding, when you said more wolf than dog,” Jeongguk laughs breathless, taking in the sight before him. The majestic wolf—dog stood tall, as its piercing amber eyes scanned him. Before turning back to you for more scratches and love. It seemed awfully gentle, contradictory to its hulking size. Shelty tilts her head, directing your pets to where she wanted.

“Yeah, and you’re still growing, aren’t you my good girl,” You coo at your puppy, kissing it’s forehead again, as it pawed at your arms.

“Come here you can pet her if you want,” You invited him.

“Are you sure about that?” Too late, Shelty was well over half way over to where he stood. Her fur was a luscious jet black, that almost gleamed in the light. She was well taken care of. Her beautiful coat looked far too soft for him to just not touch, and before he knew it his hand was petting her ears. He let out a breathy laugh as he now pet the creature with both hands, now eagerly petting the wolf-dog.

“Why don’t you two hang out for a bit and I’ll grab some clothes,” You smile at Jeongguk as he excitedly pets Shelty, who seems very pleased with all the affection she was receiving.

You along the wall that connected to the bathroom, you had a tall wooden dresser with six drawers. Grabbing the large backpack that sat beside the drawer, your eyes roaming the six open drawers, mentaly choosing the clothing you would take with you. Baggy clothes? Baggy clothes, you nod to yourself, grabbing as many sweatshirts and oversized hoodies you could, leaving some room for a couple pairs of jeans, leggings, and sweatpants, while tossing in as many pairs of bras and underwear as you could fit. Assuming you wouldn’t be going shopping anytime soon.  

Satisfied with your packing skills, you set the backpack aside, you turn to grab another bag and pack all of Shelty’s favourite toys. You search around the floor for her toys, placing her tennis balls, tug of war rope, frisbee, and her pink stuffed owl into .inform Jeongguk that Shelty still hadn’t had breakfast yet.

“You ready to go?” He asked, still petting the wolf-dog.

“Ah, about that, I still need to feed Shelty,” Hearing her name, Shelty strolls her way to you, brushing against your left leg, she rounds back behind you, nudging you right thigh with her head.

“Why don’t you do that at the mansion? What does you give her,” You blink, at the mansion?

“Shelty’s in a raw meat with some veggies diet, but I’d like to feed her as soon as possible,” You answered, brows scrunching slightly. Sure, she had a whole chicken yesterday, but that was yesterday.

“That’s perfect, we have lots of raw meats, there’ll be a variety to choose from at home. And they’re all premium grade too! Plus I bet Shelty’ll love the backyard” Your head tilted unconsciously, still yet unconvinced. “Besides, I don’t think the hyungs would like us staying out for too long,”

You relented with a sigh, how could you say refuse those doe eyes, especially when paired with that bunny smile. “Alright, let me grab her pre-cut meals, I’ll give her an antler to tide her over for now. Then when we get back we can give her, her actual meal”

You could practically see his eternal victory dance, as he bounced on his feet. You walked past him into the small kitchen space, pulling out a large reusable bag that you usually used for while shopping for groceries. Opening the freezer portion relatively small silver fridge, you place her pre-cut meats then the veggies into the bag, once everything is set, you turn to Jeongguk informing you were ready to go.

“Alright! Let's head out,” He cheered, pumping his fists into the air. You reach to pick up the well packed backpack, staggering from the weight as you did. Jeongguk snorted at your gratefulness, then taking the backpack from you, effortlessly slinging it over a shoulder. Then proceeding to smirk at you. Curse biology and your non-existent upper body strength.

“Tell me something,” You said, staring nowhere in particular. “With how everything’s going, I’m assuming I’m moving in with you guys, right?”

“Right,”

“What about this place? What am I gonna do with all this stuff? My job?”

“You should ask Jimin hyung about your job and stuff, but we can have all your stuff moved into a room if you’d like,” Jeongguk replied, thoughtfully observing your expressionless face, he didn’t realize he had tensed until he relaxed when he saw you melt into a smile.

“I’d like, if you could… could you please?” You asked ruefully.

“Of course,” Jeongguk smiled widely.

“Shelty, come, let's go for a walk, forever,” You laughed, as the wolf-dog trotted over to you. “Sit,” You commanded, and she sat obediently as you placed her lavender slip on leash, which seemed to drown in all that fur.

“Wait, she can do tricks?!”Jeongguk gasped, amazement in his eyes. You giggled a ‘yeah’ before grabbing the bag with Shelty’s toys, the bag with her food already in hand.

You were just about out the door when you noticed Jeongguk intently staring at a wall.

“Not taking those?” He questioned, pointing to your framed diploma that hung on the wall.

“I probably should, shouldn’t I? I did work my but off for that” You smiled, padding over to where it hung and took it off the wall.

“Alright, now, let's actually go,” Jeongguk uger you out the door, locking it behind him.

“Oh my good girl I can’t wait to show you your new home!” You giggle as he coos at Shelty, who was comfortably seated on the back seat of Jeongguk’s SUV.

Unfortunately Shelty did not get an antler on the way to the mansion. You were afraid the drive there would be too bumpy for her to safely have an antler, besides the drive was short, you’d just end up taking it away soon after giving it to her. Shelty, unaware she was supposed to receive an antler was happily enjoying the ride. Jeongguk had rolled a window down for her to lean out of. Which she seemed to have loved, her tongue lolling out, a smile on her face.  

Just as Jeongguk pulled up to the front gate, you were stopped by two security guards. As one of them approached the car, Jeongguk rolled his window down and nodded at the guard, who bowed to him then returned to his post. Before the large iron gate swung open. Anyone could see the twinkle in Shelty’s eyes as the SUV strolled through front lawns. You turned your head to Jeongguk and shared a laugh when you both saw the stars in the amber orbs or your adorable puppy.  

Jeongguk parked the suv in front of the house, where you had parked the delivery van the previous day. Your eyes look at Jeongguk in silent question.

“See the dude coming here?” With a tilt of his head directed your eyes to the man walking to you. “He’ll take the it from,”  

Humming at the answer you undo your seatbelt, and step out of the SUV. Then opened the door for Shelty, who excitedly jumped onto the ground, taking in her new surroundings. You called for her attention then held out your palm and closed it into a fist. The jet black, wolf-dog obliged, coming to a heel around your right foot.

“She can heel too!” An excited voice exclaimed, Jeongguk had made his way to you around the back of the SUV, getting your bags while on route.

“Aw, I was gonna help,” Pout formed on your lips, to which the brunette replied with a chuckle. “Here let me help,” Reaching out your arm, you step towards him, Shelty on you heel.

“‘Sfine, just make sure to have her leash on hand, just cuz I know she’s well behaved doesn’t mean others do,” He said, ignoring your hand and strolling towards the double doors. You exhale loudly, bending down and picking up the end of Shelty’s leash.

“Come on already!” An impatient Jeongguk bellows, half way through the door.

“Aish,” You breath jogging up the steps and into the house, a midnight black wolf-dog, half the size of Jeongguk in tow.

People seemed to have been productive while the both of you were gone. The furniture had been replaced, the same design and color just these didn’t have bullet holes. How did they do that so quickly? You pondered as your eyes roamed the newly refurbished room, finally taking in the appearance of the space.There were still holes in the walls but everything else had been replaced.  

There was a floor to ceiling window that you would see right as you walked in, the short hallway to the living room was a little narrow, but the actual living space was huge. The walls were white with a tint of blue, large paintings of different landscapes hung from the walls. Two L-shaped sofa sets were in the center of the room, decently spaced, with two armchairs on one end of the sofa. A large tan fuzzy rug underneath the sofa sets. Vases in corners of rooms, each providing splashes of color.

“Jin hyung! Hoseok hyung! We got (Y/n)’s dog!” Jeongguk announces, his voice reverberating through out the house.  

“What the hell are you yelling for braAHH!” Jin jumped when his eyes landed on the large amber eyed wolf.

“What happened?!What's wrong?!” Just as Jin retreated, Hoseok rushed into the room, entering from the west wing hallway. “Holy shit!” He exclaims seeing, to him a jet black wolf, in the middle of the living room.

When he bounces a step back, pulls out his gun. Jin following Hoseok’s action, pulled out his own gun, you wave your arms trying to explain that the wolf was actually your dog. However, your voice drowns over Jin and Hoseok yelling for you and Jeongguk to get away from ‘that thing’.

Startled by their abrupt movements, Shelty protectively steps in front of you. Taking a defensive stance, ears low and out to the side, teeth bared and a wrinkled snout. She let out a threatening snarl. ‘Aish what a mess,’ you think looking at the two hollering men and then there was Jeongguk, who seems to be enjoying the chaos.

“STOP YELLING,” Jin and Hoseok quiet staring at you, “This is my Shelty, my dog”

Both men let out a soft ‘oh’ before lowering their weapons, tucking them back into their holsters. Their shoulders relaxing, still on guard, but no longer holding lethal weapons at your baby.

“Wow, you weren’t joking around when you said more wolf than dog,” Jin gulps, somehow managing a smile.

The men may have settled down, but your puppy’s body language was still communicating aggression. So you folded you left foot behind your right, giving her a soft nudge with the heel of your foot. Not to hurt her, just to redirect her from her aggression.

Shelty’s head snapped upwards and looked up to you, licking her nose, her aggression fades into a more neutral standing. You smile at her behaviour, making a note to give her a whole chicken again for being such a good girl, even though she was in a place she's never been before.

“What was all that yelling about?” A voice booms from above, you tilt your head to the speaker. Jimin stood on the second floor, expression holding a hint of annoyance. Namjoon and Yoongi on either side of him. He wore a cream sweatshirt that was paired with gray sweatpants. That guy looked good in everything didn’t he?

His eyes met with each of the men, then you as he descended the winding staircase. But his eyes widened when his honey orbs landed on Shelty.

Just as he steps down the last stair, raising a brow, he question, “Anyone care to explain why there's a fucking wolf in the middle of my living room?”

“Jimin hyung! That’s (Y/n) dogs!” Jeongguk exclaims happily, coming to pet said wolf. Jimin blinks at the wolf, then at you, his gaze communicating a silent ‘really?’.

“This is Shelty, she's part german shepherd, part wolf, though as you can see she’s more wolf than dog,” You sheepishly chuckle, you hand rubbing the back of your head. “You can actually pet her if you want, she just started earlier.”

“And she can do tricks, (Y/n) show them,” Jeongguk pipes in, his eyes sparkling at the idea of your wolf-dog being capable of tricks. You look to Jimin, almost asking for permission, since he was the boss. When he gives an amused smile and a nod, you oblige to Jeongguk's request.

Jeongguk had set your bags down near the sofa closest to the floor to ceiling window. You search the bag with Shelty’s prepped meals for her homemade treats. Earlier that week you had baked her sweet potato chips. You brought out the bag with the treat and a clicker, which instanously got Shelty's attention.

Deciding to show off your baby you hold two fingers out then wave them in a downwards motion. Shelty, recognizing the command, sat. a clicking noise was made and you gave her a chip. That she downed in less than three seconds. Then you open your palm and close it into a fist, your intelligent pupper understanding your command walks towards you and comes to a stand a little behind you right foot. Clicking the metal clicker again you gave her another chip.

“Shelty, up,’’ You say and she stands on her hind legs, you move back a few steps calling her to you. She staggers as she does and you catch her paws before she drops them, placing her front paws on your shoulder. You pet her body, clicking the clicker then giving her another chip. The six men looked in awe, not particularly at the trick but her height, when standing on back two legs, she was about as tall as you.

Now it’s time for the finale, your favourite trick and the one you were most proud of. Facing your open palm at her, you give her a stay command, then you take a good four steps back.

“Bang,” You call, and Shelty fall to the floor as she ‘dies’. You hear gasps and ‘wow’s resound from the men as you quickly pressed the clicker bolting to her giving her her treat.  You felt like a proud mama as the men in the room praised her.

“Wow, (Y/n) that’s so cool, she knows bang!” Hoseok cheers in excitement. “Can I, can I pet her?” he asks, a little hesitant from the incident before.

“Of course,” You smile, “Go on they want to give you pets. You love those,” cooing at the wolf-dog you gesture to the men. Sheltie lazily stood then padded her way over to the men. Hoseok tentatively ran his hand through Shelty’s fur, a sunny smile forming on his lips. As it does, the other men also seemed interested in petting her. Hell, even Jimin had a sparkle in his eyes.

You stood to the side as the men showered your puppy in attention. Who seemed to be drinking all the praise and affection. How cute, someone looking at them now

Jimin chuckles, looking over his brothers fawning over the wolf-dog. It had been a while since he had seen everyone smile and laugh together. This was… nice. But how long would this last? He sighs, breaking from the group over to where you stood.

“(Y/n), I’d like to talk to you,” Your head snaps to find Jimin's eyes, now serious again. “Come, sit,” He gestures to the spot across from  him.

“Yes?” You gingerly sat where he had directed you to.

“I’m not gonna lie, it would be easier to just kill you be done with it,” He admits, eyes serious. You froze where you sat, a jittery feeling bubbling in the pit of your stomach. But they let you bring Shelty, didn’t that mean you got to live? Shelty alerts on your nervous energy, ears standing straight up, she trots over to you, placing her head on your lap.

At her actions the men caught on to the situation. They give each other a look before taking their seat around Jimin. The air in the room grew tenser at the silence.

Shelty whined, nudging her nose into your stomach, trying to comfort you. A soft smile tugging onto your lips as you per head. At least you knew she would be well taken care of, you knew Jeongguk had fallen in love with her. If anything would happen to you, you were sure he would take care of your baby.

“Why would I let you live when killing you would be so much easier?” He says tracing the small scars on his hands. You gulp at his words. “At the moment you contribute nothing, just another hassle to look after.”

“I guess you’re right,” You hum, watching Shelty nuzzle into your touch.

“So, I offer you a job,” His honey brown eyes stare into yours, “Work for me.”

“Excuse me,” You blink, confusion forcing an involuntary head tilt.

“Become a doctor for us. We’ve all seen you work, you’re good at what you do. You work for us, and everything else will be taken care of, your safety, living arrangements, dog, and the pay isn’t too bad,”Jimin nods at Yoongi’s explanation.  

“Do you not have a doctor or like a medic or something?” You ask, confusion muddling your thoughts.

“Oh we do, we have a doctor, yes, but as you can see he doesn’t live with us. And has to be brought anytime there is an injury. Besides, we saw how useful it can be to have a doctor close by.” Yoongi continued

“On top of having living arrangements and pay, you’ll only be looking after the seven of us. Not a bad deal if I don’t say so myself. So how about it?” Jimin concludes, a coy smile on his plump lips.

You sigh, deeply exhaling, “Do I have a choice?”

“Not particularly no,” Jeongguk speaks up showing off bunny smile. You return his gesture, but could you do it? Could you be responsible for another's life again? Could you become a doctor for them?

There was a reason as to why you were an assistant florist instead of a doctor. You bit your lower lip, fidgeting with your finger nails, eyes downcast. The darkness from you past coming to life once more. Your anxiety and self-doubt resurfacing, slowly swallowing you into their depths. Until you felt something warm and wet brush against your cheek.

Shelty whined again, reflecting your nervous energy. A fond smile found its home on your lips. And you knew your answer. Sure, it was true Shelty would be taken care of even if something had happened to you. But… you didn’t want to leave the creature that had in your darkest times brought light into your life. You wanted to stay by her side, just as she had always been by yours.

Jimin watched as the turmoil that had once inhabited your face, faded and transformed into something else. He couldn’t quite recognize the expression on your face. It wasn’t happiness, it wasn’t the darkness from before, but it wasn’t sadness either. More like wistful acceptance.

He sighed, “I suppose you could have some time to think about it,”

“No, it's fine. I’m sorry, I just spaced out. I’ll take the job,” You shake your head, apologizing.

His lips tugged upwards, pleased with your answer. “Alright then, we’ll have all your belongings moved to your new room” Jimin says.

“By the way, shouldn’t you be in bed?” You questioned, a mischievous smile playing at your lips.

“Oh? Seems like the doc’s already on duty,” Jeongguk snorts, pushing himself off the back of the sofa, where he been standing.

“No rest for the wicked as they say,” Jimin sighs. And you chortle, agreeing.

“True, very ture,”

“I’m back!” A tall figure bursts through the front door, cheerfully announcing his arrival. A small suitcase in tow. He had chestnut brown hair and symmetrical features. He held a gray blazer, and wore matching gray slacks. A slightly wrinkled dress shirt, and a navy blue stripped tie with a silver tie pin completed his look.

“We have a guest?” He questions, giving his coat and suitcase to the maid that had seemingly appeared out of thin air. Who disappeared into the west wing hallway just as fast as she appeared.

“Meet (Y/n), our new personal doctor,” Jeongguk introduced you, as you gave him smile.

“Wow, I’m gone for one day and now we have an in house doctor,” He chuckles.  

“Welcome back, how was the flight?” Jin asked, from his seat.  

“It was only like an hour thirty minute flight,” He coasted over to the group, plopping down on the sofa the group sat at.

“ Kim Taehyung, nice to meet you (Y/n),” Taehyung reached out for a handshake, which you reciprocate.

“(L/n) (Y/n), nice to meet you too, though Jeongguk kind of already introduced me,” You chuckle.

“So, how was one of the biggest cities like?” The youngest male inquired, petting Shelty, who had made her way over to the men for wanting more attention and affection.  

“It was good,” He gave a short reply.

“How was the beach? It should have been a sunny day in Tianjin. Were the waves really big? honestly I’ve never surfed before,” You questioned absentmindedly, trying to make small talk. A silence fell upon the room and realized, eyes widening as you did… He hadn’t talked about the beach yet. The other men looked at each other, how had you known that Taehyung was in Tianjin?

“How did… how did you know?” He sat a little straighter, now on alert.

This was a skill that developed over time as a result of observing others. Originally, you had planned to use your power of observation to help you become a better doctor. But it had its side effects. Ah great, this didn’t always happen. You had made a habit of thinking before you spoke, but on occasion, your mouth moves faster than your brain.

“I said ,how did you know?” Taehyung asked again, voice firm.

“Ah sorry, it's just a thing that happens,” The tall chestnut haired male stared at you unsatisfied with your answer. You sighed, “Your watch, its an hour delayed an hour”

“And? You couldn’t have known I went to Tianjin just because my watch is set back an hour, for all you knew I could’ve been in Japan and how did you know about the beach?” Taehyung remarked.

You shook your head, “There isn’t a time difference between Japan and South Korea,”

“Tianjin, how did you know I was in Tianjin? I could have been in Beijing.”

“Jeongguk said “big city”, so it narrowed it down to major cities. Then you said it yourself, your flight duration was an hour thirty minutes. Major cities along the seashore any further have either longer or  shorter flight durations. And Flights to Beijing are an hour forty minutes to two hours. Besides, Beijing is landlocked, there are no beaches, and you can’t surf in a swimming pool,”

“How did you know I went surfing?’’ His voice breathy. Disbelief swimming in his eyes.

“Your hand, neck and face are tanned, but there's no tan past your wrists. Your shirt was loose so I saw the skin past your neck was paler than your neck or face. And that’s because you wore a wetsuit, the sea that meets the chinese coast is cold. So surfers usually wear those because it traps a thin layer of water between you and your suit. Your body heat actually warms that water and the suit traps in the heat to keep you warm. That's… how I knew,” You finish, rubbing the back of your head, a small smile on your lips. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean creep you out or anything, I was just trying to make conversation and it just slipped.”

The silence that had fallen earlier still remained in the room. Chuckling sheepishly you looked at the men in front of you. Shock, utter and absolute shock was written on their faces. They looked flabbergasted at your explanation. Had you really deduced all that with a few observations?

“How do you know all that?” Jeongguk he asks flabbergasted.

“I read a lot,” You sheepishly smiled at the younger male.

Jimin grinned, perhaps there was another use for you than only a doctor. Seemed like that little habit of yours would come in very useful in the near future. And by the looks of it Namjoon and Yoongi had come to the same conclusion he had.

“Everyone, meeting room looks like we have a lot to talk about,” Jimin announced, standing up and heading towards the staircase. Namjoon on his heel as the other followed after.

“I still need to feed Shelty, so I guess I’ll just wait for you guys here.” You surmised, as your gaze shifts to the wolf-dog comfortably laying on the fluffy rug.

“No, you’re going with us, you can bring her with us and feed her in the meeting room” Jimin declared from where he stood. He called the wolf-dog over. Who happily bounds over him. ‘When did they become best friends?’ You sigh relenting. Digging into Shelty's bag and her food bag, you pulled out her food bowl, a ziplock bag of pre-sliced meats, at this point the chicken and beef had thawed, then reached for a bag of veggies.

“Alright let's go,” You voiced, gesturing them to lead the way. You trailed after them, up the winding steps, down a familiar hallway. The OR was the first door on the left, they walked past it. Two doors down, they stopped at a large door, the door looked like any other in the house, only this one was wider, had a fingerprint reader and a keypad on the side. Jimin unlocked the door, it opened outwards. And inside wasn’t a room, it was another, but it was an elevator door.

The elevator opened and the men stepped in, you followed after them, Shelty on your tail. The interior of the elevator was similar to the ones you would see in a mall, as a matter of fact it was identical. There was a buzz and you felt the elevator descend, you were going down, but why? Were you not just on the first floor. Unless… eyes widening in realization, you were going underground.  

Jimin eyed you as you had your epiphany, ‘Smart girl,’ He thought as a smile ghosted his lips.

The elevator doors opened, and you were welcomed into a large room surrounded with gray concrete walls. The room was more of a concrete box than a room. Ultramarine, velvet armchairs formed a semi-circle, facing away from the elevator. You counted ten armchairs total each accompanied by a small mahogany round table. Each table held an astray.  

Unsure of where you were supposed to sit, you stood at the shifting your weight from one foot to another. Until Jimin gestured to you to sit next to him, on his left. Once in your seat, you immediately began unbagging Shelty’s meal, transferring the meats and vegetables into her bowl.

“Shelty, sit,” You commanded, holding her bowl in your right hand. And the wolf-dog eagerly obliged, excited to finally have a proper meal. You gave her a stay command as you placed the bowl on the floor.

“Alright,” You say and she’s in that bowl moving faster than lightning.

“First order of business, Taehyung, how did the trip go?” Namjoon began the meeting.

“After a little talk the Shen’s were more than happy to forget the little incident, as a matter of fact, they even wanted to make a deal with us,” Taehyung smirked pulling out a brown leather case from his front pocket. It was a cigar case. He cut the end of the cigar, then lit the other end before inhaling the smoke. He holds up the leather case offering a brown cigar to the others. Yoongi and Namjoon both accept one. ‘Boujee’ You silently chuckled at your own thoughts.

“Oh? What do they want?” Yoongi says exhaling a puff of smoke.

“A thousand units of Taurus PT24/7 and five thousand units of 9x19 parabellum cartridges to go with it,” Taehyung reports, proud of his accomplishments.

“How much are they paying?” Jeongguk asks, legs crossed, leaning his head on his palm.

“The usual,” Taehyung chirps.

Jimin nods his head in approval, his gaze shifting to Namjoon, giving him the go ahead to move to the next matter.

“Alright next is yesterday's incident,” Namjoon continues,  

Jimin let out a deep sigh, focusing his attention on Namjoon, “Report,” He calls.

“It seemed like they tried overwhelming us with sheer numbers, killing off all of us in one go. Which is strange because usually they’re incredibly cautious, they’ve never been as reckless as they were yesterday. I did take into consideration that they might have used the attack as a cover for something else. So I had the mansion thoroughly searched for anything suspicious. When it comes to damage, aside from the wreck in the living room, there were no casualties on either side, most of them escaped, the ones that didn’t are being kept in the holding cells. We began questioning yesterday, but none of them talked, and at this point I don’t think any of them will.” Namjoon gave a detailed analysis of the situation. 

He truly was adept at what he did, but something seemed off, if they seriously intended to kill them all in one go, why not use a bomb? Why not plant a bomb somewhere while still under the ruse of a peace talk, walk out of the house then detonate the bomb? Something wasn’t right.

“And guess how that plan turned out?” Jeongguk scoffed, switching his crossed leg.

While deep in thought your eyebrows knitted, you rubbed your lower lip with your index finger. Jimin eyed you taking in your disdain that made its way onto your face. And he realized, though he did not know what, he knew that you had caught onto something.

“Tell me (Y/n), what do you make of the situation?” Jimin urged you to speak. Snapping from your thoughts, you looked at them. Raising your index finger to point at yourself, asking a silent ‘me?’ Jimin nodded prompting you to speak.

“Honestly, I think we’re missing something here. Killing you all off at once? I guess that would be one way to look at it, but something doesn’t seem right. If they had really wanted to kill you guys why not plant a bomb? They could have pretended to leave you present or something, safely left the premises then blow the place up sky-high.That plan would have been much more efficient, and has significantly higher rates of success than that thoughtlessly put together attack, Or hiring highly skilled fighters or assassins, that would have given them much a better chances of success ” Rambling out your thoughts as they came to mind.

“I mean maybe they just didn’t think this through?” Hoseok, adds.

“Highly unlikely. No, we’re missing pieces of the bigger picture. Especially knowing for a fact that something like they had never been so reckless. Of the men that were there yesterday, were any of them strong? Did any of them stand out? And why wasn’t the boss of the other gang there for the peace talks,” You asked them still trying to piece together the incomplete puzzle.

“None of them particularly stood out, their fighting style was clumsy, and honestly the only reason they did any damage was because they had guns,” Hoseok inputs thoughtfully. Jeongguk agreeing with him.

“Like a fisherman who just cast out a net and now waits for fishes to tangle themselve,” You nibbled your bottom lip. 

 “What kind of analogy is that?” Yoongi remarked, not understanding the meaning of you words. 

“Kind of like a trap you mean. But how? How can a failed attack somehow become a trap?” Jin alluded the situation, yet he still did not see how this attack could translated into a trap. 

“The best traps are the ones you can’t see,” Taehyung adds following you train of thought.  

Jimin hums processing your words, you were right, something didn’t feel right here. The entirety of the attack didn’t feel right. Could this have been a sign, perhaps a warning for the events to come? Jimin chewed his lips, not liking the prospect of being left in the unknown.

“But I still don’t understand why the boss of the other group wouldn’t attend a truce meeting,” Your frown deepens.

“Yeong Cheol Meong, he’s the boss of the group, was apparently out of the country but wanted to sign a一 well I wouldn’t say a peace treaty, it's more of a cease fire contract,” Yoongi explains and you hum, catching on.

“What should I do with the captured men?” Namjoon asks Jimin. Who lets out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Have any of them talked?” Namjoon shakes his head, no. “Will they talk?”

“Unlikely, they were tight lipped even after over four hours of questioning, We tried everything from pain to bribery, they refused to talk,” Namjoon reports, shifting in seat. You alert when you hear his words… They wouldn’t talk? Even refusing bribery? There aren’t very many things that keep someone as tight lipped as these people were.

“Then get rid of them,” Jimin waves his hand dismissively, and you couldn’t control the noise of disapproval that left your lips.

Jimin raised an eyebrow in question, “What?”

“Don’t like the idea of killing people? Well I guess that’s to be expected from a doctor,” Yoongi scoffs softly.

“It’s just… nothing, nevermind I’m sorry” You apologize, feeling as though you had overstepped your bounds. You were just their doctor, it wasn’t your place to influence decisions. Besides, you didn’t they’re way of working, there were things they knew did and you didn’t. So the decision they made were best for the situation 

“No, no, continue,” Jimin interjects, insisting you speak up.

“It’s just, I  think they’re more useful alive than dead,” You hesitate, still unsure of what to do. 

“Oh?” Jimin implors you to go on. 

“Namjoon… can you um.. can you get information on those prisoners? Anything and everything,” You request, turning to face the tall man that sat to the right of Jimin.

“Can he get information? My girl, I’ll have you know, we’ve got  the most extensive and the most reliable information network in all of South Korea,’ Taehyung exclaims with a loud laugh.

“What are you planning?”Jimin's mouth twitched upwards, sensing a plan.

“I think it’s time we cast a net of our own,” You answer. The smile across your lips sly as a fox.  

~

Staring into the azure-blue sky, Taehyung leaned against his expensive orange and black sports car, puffing out a cloud smoke. ‘Just who the hell is that girl? Did she really come up all that right then and there?’ He tossed his nearly burnt out cigar on the ground before crushing it with his feet. First those incredible deductions, and now this plan. Just who were you exactly? And were you truly capable of. ‘Man, I barely come home and already being put to work,’

He pivots on his right foot, facing his black and orange sports car. He reaches for his car door, when he feels a sharp stabbing pain on the side of his neck. In a futile attempt he tries to struggle against the hands that were grapling him before his world goes black.  

[sappho-official]

okay so YES I know the year is 2020 and I’m suddenly really into a rarepair for a dead fandom but I NEED to talk about valencock from fallout 4. which is a helluva ship name lmfao. I just love the idea that they knew each other when Hancock was in his 20s.

spoilers btw, for both of their approval conversations/The Long Winter. also this is kinda dark lol

I just. I’m losing my shit at the realization that Hancock took a one-of-a-kind-drug to turn himself into a ghoul. you know who else took a drug to turn into a ghoul, perhaps the only other character in the series? Eddie Winter.

so, headcanon that Nick was working on the Winter case, not because he thinks there’s anything to solve but because he needs some goddamn closure on his fiance’s death. and he finds out that Winter was taking a drug around the time that the bombs fell, and he starts looking into it. maybe he finds a dose, maybe just a recipe that he gets someone to replicate for him.

and John...John’s not in the best place right now. Nick confides in John that he’s not sure what the drug does, hopes it just killed Winter, but...maybe turned him into a ghoul? Nick isn’t sure, and he’d use the drug on himself but, well, that’s not an option. so John volunteers.

and Nick’s like, what the fuck, no?? i’m not letting you have this, you might die! so John shrugs, leaves town for a while. Nick doesn’t realize until a few days later that the drug is missing.

he makes the trip to goodneighbor, to the hole-in-the-wall place that john’s been living in since mayor mcdonough was elected.

Nick quietly lets himself into John’s pad. There’s a soft noise, a grumble, from the bed.

“You awake?” he asks, half expecting silence.

“Unfortunately,” rasps a voice from under the blankets. Nick’s heart sinks. It’s not how John sounded just a week ago.

“You knew what you were getting into,” Nick murmurs, taking the desk chair and dragging it over. He sits down next to him. “Did you want this?”

There’s a gravelly chuckle, and John’s head peeks up above the blankets. Nick can’t help but gasp when he sees him: skin bloody and raw, blond hair falling out in patches. His irises have expanded, color peeled away to become cloudy and grey. His nose is practically rotting, one nostril entirely gone.

“Heh,” John smirks, “the look on your face.”

“You didn’t have to do this for me,” Nick pleads, “we can bring you to the doctor, you can stop taking the injections—“

John pulls his hand from under the blankets, dried blood pilling on the sheets as he moves. He holds it up to stop him, raw skin shining in the lamplight. “This ain’t for you,” he rumbles. “I’m doing this ‘cause I want to.”

Nick’s face goes stern. “So you’re not done with it yet. Listen, you might not be past the point of no return—“

“You don’t get it, do you,” John cuts him off. “I did this for me.”

Nick blinks.

“You thought it might kill you.”

John shrugs.

“Figured it was a win-win.” He stares up at the bare bulb above his bed. “You’d get your answer and I wouldn’t have to look at the same bastard in the mirror.”

“Christ,” Nick mutters, laying his head down on the blanket. He wants a cigarette, but there’s no damn point in smoking one.

He nearly jumps when John’s hand settles on the back of his head. He strokes at the base of his neck, and it’s almost comforting. Like Nick’s the one whose skin is peeling off.

“How,” Nick mutters into the blanket, “how are you feeling?”

John laughs, and, oh, that’s going to take some getting used to. “Well, I’m ‘bout high on Med-X as a vertibird, so I’d say I feel pretty good.”

“Alright,” Nick murmurs. Decides not to call the lie.

They stay like that for a while, John’s hand on the back of Nick’s neck, only the ringing of faulty wiring to keep them company. Somewhere outside a firefight breaks out. He feels John tense in the bed.

“I’m gonna kill Vic,” he grumbles.

“Alright.”

John raises an eyebrow. Half of it’s gone. “Pretty sure murder’s a crime, mister cop.”

“From what I’ve heard,” Nick sits up, “he’d deserve it three times over.”

He expects John to make a joke, but instead he looks contemplative. “Yeah. He does.”

They’re quiet again for a moment; there’s an explosion, screams. Then, nothing.

Nick sighs. “I shouldn’t have to say this,” he says, straightening his hat. “If you go after him, don’t get yourself killed.”

“Made it this far,” John grumbles, pulling the blanket higher above his face. “What’s another couple centuries?”

Nick stands, looks down at the living corpse of his best friend.

“Do you want me to try to fix this?” Nick asks. “I won’t if you don’t want it, because this is your choice. You’re an adult. You can make choices.”

John chuckles again. “Not somethin’ I ever thought I’d hear you say, brother. But nah. I’ll tough it out. I’m a big boy.” He grins and Nick wishes it wasn’t so weak.

“If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure,” John says, face falling into something more serious. “I wouldn’t complain ‘bout some more painkillers, though.”

Nick nods. “I’ll see what I can do,” he says softly. He leans down, brushing his lips against John’s forehead. His sensors tell him that John’s skin is 102° fahrenheit. He turns to leave but something catches on the bottom of his coat.

“Don’t go.” John is staring up at him, eyes a dark August storm.

Nick stares down at him helplessly, feels like his heart is somewhere on the floor. “I have a case.”

John flops back onto the bed. “Fuck.”

“I’ll bring some water by later,” he says, “and I’ll see if I can bring a doctor with me. Just to help with the pain.”

“Thanks,” John croaks as Nick closes the door behind him.

so. anyways now i guess im gonna see if can pull together a fic that can provide the full context for this scene? i posted like the first two chapters of it, we’ll see how this goes.

[appleseverywhere]

follow up questioooon. i loved your answer from my last ask hihi the who broke it off question. your answer actually made sense and I see that happening tbh. Now, follow up question, how do you think qrow coped and "moved on" after the break up? and winter too, how did she cope and "move on"? any idea how theyre going to "reconcile" if thats ever gonna happen because i havent seen them in the v8 trailer (dear god why)

I’m going to put in some headcanons I really wish would happen for this coming volume then hahaha This might sound like some short fic btw since I’m probably going to get carried away with it hahaha (I’m making a one-shot on this so I’ll have it posted soon. Think of this as the plot summary HAHA)

Qrowin Coping/Moving On (Post break-up) & V8 Reconciliation

Qrow’s coping/moving on

The way I see it is that Qrow is going to end up back to his alcoholic self (not really surprised there even if that could have been the reason they broke up in the first place). It’s cause its practically all he’s known from the start. He never had a healthy way of coping with loss, and with Winter and him splitting up, it just seemed to prove to him that he wasn’t someone worth loving. 

Disappointingly, he’s going to hook up with girls at some point, just to feel what used to be there only to end up with the emptiness that Winter had left him. He’d go through the same routine of drinking at a bar, having a one-night stand, and regretting it just as quickly as it starts. He wants to stop. He knew it wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right knowing he was still in love with Winter. When he starts convincing himself to leave, he scolds himself, saying that she’s already gone and that it was pointless to resist. The night will continue on and before the sun rises, he’ll leave just before anyone could suspect, with a lot of guilt hanging on his shoulders.

He’ll stop when it gets too much. Eventually, he’ll go to Ozpin for more missions and immerse himself in fulfilling them. He wouldn’t care if he’d get wounded, and he’d let whatever rage and frustrations he had pent up out through his attacks towards the grimm. He wouldn’t look forward to going back, knowing that no one was waiting for him. It adds to his feelings of no one wanting him. He’d keep it all in mind as he purposely puts himself in more danger as he goes on a grimm slaughter spree. 

Winter’s coping/moving on

I can see Winter immersing herself into work just as Qrow would. She wouldn’t dare acknowledge the aching pain she felt at losing the one person who genuinely cared for her besides Weiss, the one person who would tell her that her feelings were valid. Without that reminder, she would isolate herself like she had done many times before. She wouldn’t let them show, and she would try to escape them in any way she could.

She would ask Ironwood if he had more tasks for her. The paperwork on her desk had piled up to the point it had been much taller than she was. She claimed more responsibilities just to stay in the base for longer hours. By the time she retired to her room, she’d be too exhausted to let the emotions surface. If that wasn’t the case, she would bring her work with her, writing and organizing them the whole night until she tired herself enough that she knew she wouldn’t end up staring at the ceiling in thought once she lied down.

Per her request, she had asked the general for more missions, and she made sure to avoid Vale and Mistral, knowing he was likely there. Most of her missions were in the deserts of Vacuo or the tundras of Atlas and higher north in Solitas. She would let the intense climate get to her so that she’d focus on it instead of the nagging thoughts in her mind. The only time she would ever relieve her anger and sadness was when she came face to face with hoards of grimm, quickly activating her semblance to zoom through them with one swipe. She’d leave behind what she could in the wind, before turning back to slay more of them, letting her immerse herself as she escaped.

Qrow and Winter Reconcile

I saw this going 3 ways:

In Qrow’s jail cell

In Winter’s hospital room

On the battlefield

So let me expound on this.

In Qrow’s jail cell

We know that Winter was severely injured at the end of V7, so it’s either she makes a quick (but not full) recovery and heads down to the cell, or that before she gets treated, she demands to go see Qrow. 

He would be incredibly surprised and concerned to see her in such a state, maybe not even bother to hide it. He had already lost Clover, and while that was all happening, it sent a shiver down his spine to know she almost suffered the same fate. She would likely ask him what exactly happened with Clover and Tyrian, and I get the feeling that she would trust him anyway with whatever he told her. He wouldn’t need to use Robyn’s semblance to prove his innocence cause Winter already knew Qrow wouldn’t lie. 

Much to his surprise, she’d let him out, not finding him guilty for his crimes, and more importantly, gave him instructions to find team RWBY and keep her sister safe. She would tell him that he better came back cause they still had to talk later, marking a silent promise. Qrow would be hesitant to leave her alone, but the determination in her eyes pushed him to leave, but not before asking her to promise him she would stay alive.

In Winter’s hospital room

Maybe Qrow would be able to get out of the jail cell (he can turn into a bird, after all) knowing his nieces are out there with Salem’s forces at large. As he leaves Atlas, he hears of a certain special operative who nearly got killed and was currently admitted in the med bay. He makes a quick stop to find her resting and half asleep. She wakes up to his footsteps, expecting the general but is dumbfounded to see him beside her bed.

He asks her what happened and she couldn’t seem to say what she was feeling at all, lost and disappointed in herself for failing. He would secure her doubts somehow, in a very Qrow way of course. Not at all cheesy and all that crap. Winter looks to him for security at that moment, and similar to the previous scenario tells him he should leave before anyone catches him. She grabs his hand as she tells him to protect her sister for her and that he had better make it back alive. To her. 

He laughs once before squeezing her hand, telling her to stay safe and to recover well, before running off and out of the academy.

On the battlefield (ah yes, this very spontaneous short fanfic - I might post an actual full oneshot of this later on)

After Qrow and Robyn escaped their jail cell and Winter made a speedy recovery (likely Ironwood requesting to put her in an aura restoration chamber to hasten the replenishing process), they found themselves on opposite ends of the battlefield. Ironwood had instructed Winter to catch and arrest them, warning her not to disobey orders again nor fail for a second time. She was conflicted and Qrow could tell from the moment their swords clashed. He wanted nothing more than to talk to her, reason with her. She was more sensible than Clover was, and he knew that well. 

As the fight ensues, she comes off strong, stronger than he remembered. He realized that it's her rage and pent up anger. It had always been her way of getting some weight off her shoulders, and he used to help when he could. It was why they fought all the time, why they were always so physical. It became their unspoken love language, and the way they moved alone spoke volumes.

Neither of them backed down with their strikes, nor did they seem intent on hurting the other as it went. The rest of the ace ops and team RWBY had already found themselves elsewhere in the midst of the battle, yet they found themselves within each other’s close proximities alone in the vast field of snow. Their aura’s had long broken, and that made them all the more careful with each hit they sent. Winter was already slouching in her posture and Qrow’s breathing had grown ragged. 

It didn’t take long before he was able to knock the sabre from her hand and she stood with lidded eyes against his blade, almost daring to him to finish her. She pushed her neck against it further with an impassive face, waiting. Despite the dead expression, her eyes betrayed whatever she hoped to convey. Tinged with longing and sorrow, she almost begged him to kill her. 

But he couldn’t. He never would. 

Dropping his sword to the snow, he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into his embrace. For the first time since she had left the Schnee manor, her emotions had broken from its dam and flooded out in waves of tears against his chest, soaking his vest. He could feel her sobs wrack through her body and only held onto her tighter. 

All he could do was mutter repeated apologies as she held onto him like a lifeline. Whether it was because of what happened between them or the reason they had to fight in the first place, he didn’t know. She whispered her own apologies, clutching onto him as she hid her face from his view.

Before he could say anything else, she pushed him with what strength she had left, telling him to run. With Salem in search of the relics and the maiden, there was no other option but to let him go. For the sake of Atlas and Remnant. She wouldn’t be able to stop her on her own, not with the general breathing down her neck, but he and her sister’s team could. As she collapsed on the snow, she screamed for him to leave while he could. He could only nod as he watched her walls crumble. He understood what needed to be done, but he couldn’t just leave like this. 

He knelt before her fallen form, moving the hair from her face as he kissed the skin of her forehead, silently promising to return to her. Her eyes fluttered to a close at the contact and kept it that way until she heard the familiar flapping of his wings gradually soften before disappearing into the sky. Her hands grasped at the snow beneath them as she called out, demanding him to stay alive after all of it.

...

Okay, I honestly did not expect to write that last bit but now I really want to continue it HAHAHA Anyway, I was planning to write several oneshots this weekend so I’ll have them posted soon. 

Hope these answered your questions!! :)

[lifecftheparty]

━ ☾ ✧･ﾟ “ he was full of light, in whom is no darkness at all”

  ʻ   /   let  me  introduce  you  to  a  prized  member  of  our  environmental club     ,   FAZIL IMANI .  this   CISMALE CANCER   has  been  a  student  at  our  institution for   4 MONTHS  and  is  currently  a  21  year  old   JUNIOR.   through  the  halls ,   he/him  has/have   always  reminded  me  of  aria shahghasemi   ,   but  there  is  always  more  than  meets  the  eye ,   like  the  fact  that  he sells his dad’s pharmaceuticals to fund his own drug addiction .  coral  cape  has  made  their  future  just  as  bright  as  their  smile ,   i  assure  you .  ʼ      (   muse 15 ,  aubrie ,  19,  pst,  she/her   )

↪  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 𝕗𝕒𝕫𝕚𝕝 𝕟𝕒𝕫𝕖𝕖𝕞 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕚 

BASICS:

nicknames: fazi

pronouns: he/him

age & dob: july 14, 1998 ( 21 )

origin: carnegie hill, new york

nationality: american

ethnicity: iranian

fluent in: english, persian & a bit of arabic

occupation: drug dealer freelance artist

height: 5′11

sexual orientation: ???

major: biology & art

clubs: environmental club

↪  *:✧ background

trigger warning ! drugs, drug abuse, car accident, death

IMANI PHARMACEUTICALS  ━ a name you MIGHT recognize from the side of your zoloft bottle. from benzodiazepines to amphetamines, they specialized in at all -- A GREAT EMPIRE, built off of other’s sorrows and fazil was happily perched next to the throne. a family portrait, four heads adorning a thin-lipped line -- not a smile in sight. and just by glance, you could tell the family meant business. a serious group, all doctors, all their own achievements; a glistening image of PERFECTION, if not for the taint they liked to call FAZIL.

he didn’t mean to be a fuck-up, but alas, his body was completed with error and corrupted by bad decisions. THE FIRST BEING  ━     his art. an adorable skill, at first. though, like a flower, it started to blossom into more than a childish hobby, and that was when they tried to uproot it from the ground. oh, how his family DESPISED his art ; oh, how fazil despised his FAMILY -- it was a mutual passage of hate. really, painting was the only thing he had ever felt ambition for, otherwise a foreign feeling to the sullied son. he could care less about doctorate programs, but it was the path he was set on since birth -- a forced burden he could NEVER get rid of.

he lived to reject everything his family represented; the happy-go-lucky, irresponsible, reckless boy mirrored the solemn and dignified imani clan. taking to extremes to separate himself from those around him, he dived head first into the deep end. he began to get involved with drugs -- and lots of them. cocaine, xanax, morphine, you name it   ━ all were party favors in the new york night life, those in which he was more than eager to dabble in. the feelings of euphoria that would shine down on him where storm clouds once reigned, the wide smile that would stretch across his face, and the body, that almost felt weightless. the highs they produced were those of which he could not experience on his own, and like a foolish wanderer, he followed them down a rabbit hole -- their effects so tantalizing even fazil could not resist. OF COURSE   ━  he could stop if he wanted, but what happens when the bleary-eyed teen refuses himself paradise? shivers, aches, pain so sickening it would spew from his mouth. no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, he couldn’t stay away. it held him in a choke-hold, ever-so slowly draining his life.

the result of making an already irresponsible boy forget the bounds of consequence? a totaled ferrari and a DEATH-- no, no, no, fazil wasn’t prepared for that. an unforeseen causality in the war with his family. god -- his family, how ENRAGED they were, his father noting that he had wished it was fazil that was the one lying lifeless on the ground. a plan had to be put into place, NOTHING could ruin this family’s image; not fazil, and definitely not a murder. a cover up was devised, could you be surprised? the imani’s were saturated with money, and with money, bought ignorance. and to save face, he was booted out to live with his brother in maine, and made to attend CAPE CORAL. nasty habits die hard though, and fazil’s fought back, refusing to lie dormant. no way could he be sober now, but how do you maintain your ever-growing addiction? WELL  ━   it’s crazy what a last name and a forged signature can get you. 

↪  *:✧ personality

on the outside fazil presents himself to be this happy-go-lucky, fun-loving guy. which, to an extent, he is. however especially since the accident he festers a LOT of shame, embarrassment, and remorse. he is so full of regret and it really does haunt him on how things went down. 

as said, he has a lot of shame. not only for the accident, but also his addiction and how bad it is. he would absolutely hate anyone finding out about either of those, and would probably get really aggro with whoever did. especially if said person tried to take his drugs away or something of that nature?? would not be a happy camper. 

speaking of, he cannot go without his drugs, and will literally do anything to obtain a high.

while he tries to reject his family, it does hurt him that he cannot appease them, insecure about the fact he really doesn’t live up to the family name.

on a happier note -- loves, loves, LOVES painting. really is one of the only positive things in his life, will gush on about it for days. if he shows you his art, he’d lowkey be so anxious for approval ( though he wouldn’t admit it ).

plant dad™ loves plants and the earth. if he sees you liter he WILL pummel you.

total flirt, has commitment issues and doesn’t realize it. kind of a fuck-boy but isn’t so brazen about...which is kind of worse? 

in general, he’s a pretty laid back guy, doesn’t care too much about status. but really what you see is what you get, he will not let anyone past the front he puts on! 

↪  *:✧ wanted connections

i want to say, first off, i am REALLY up for anything. pls feel free to throw any ideas my way i am sure we can work something out <3

best friend !! : someone that he just connects with more than everyone!! while he wouldn’t disclose much about his past, he’d probably let them in on more than he does with everyone else. and i mean lets be honest...there will be a point they find something out. imagine the angst....

someone he fools around with : i mean...im sorry he really is a fuckboy. he doesn’t mean to be though!! i think it’d be interesting to have someone he has a strong flirtationship with or something a little more ifyaknowwhatimsayin. i think it’d be cool for it eventually reach an unrequited love type of thing..whether that’s on his part or your muse. unless you just wanna keep it like they both kinda know what it is..and they’re both okay with leaving it like that. really up for whatever!

frenemies : yOU ALREADY KNOW!! the banter!!! the bickering!!! the annoying the hell out of each other!!! I WANT IT ALL

deep romantic connection : aka someone that really makes him tap into his feelings/emotions. really tests him as a person, and forces him to just really care?? this would be a slow burn thing but again....imagine the angst....

someone who knows/finds out about his secrets : this can tie into plots and doesn’t have to be just it’s own standalone ( if that makes sense ). but i think i’d really like someone just eventually figuring it out and kinda being like fazi ???  what are you doing ?? now this can come at an angle of concern OR maybe your character finds out somehow and hangs it over his head. I would also like to note that fazi came into the school randomly, showed up in the middle of the school year like nothing, and when asked about it he has a bullshit excuse. so mayhaps someone tries to really look into it and pesters him about it. and it makes him turn into the panic emoji 

customer : someone he sells drugs to, which btw! would only be over the counter meds his father makes !! the harder drugs he buys himself for his own collection 

anyhoot, that’s all i could think of rn but i’m sure i’ll add more in the future! and like i said, i am open to ANYTHING. please please hmu <3

[marshmallowgoop]

This is something I should have edited together.

So here it is: (a lot of!) the sweet messages I’ve received in the last month or so that are in direct response to my anonymous hate mail. 

I don’t know how true it is, but I’ve heard it said that humans are remarkably negative creatures, and it takes so many more positive experiences to balance out just one negative experience. And maybe it’s not that universal a thing, but I can say that it sure feels relevant to my own life.

So, I think it’s important to remind myself that, no matter how much it seems like it’s so easy to attack me but so difficult to support me, I’ve actually received far more kind messages than cruel messages throughout this whole mess. And the kind messages are so much more thoughtful, too—and often attached to real names! 

And... I think that says something when I’m as cringey and humiliating as I am. These folks aren’t too ashamed to say that they’re here for me and what I do.

(But that said, I have removed names from anything that wasn’t a reblog or reply because I don’t want to embarrass anyone. Please let me know if you don’t want your words here at all, and I’ll blur them out. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.)

There’s some stuff I want to address under the cut—along with a transcript if anyone is interested in reading these words but has trouble with the screenshots—but more important than any of my ramblings to follow, I want to thank everyone who took the time to write out these supportive sentiments and who continues to support me. I know these meltdowns are a drag, and I know I’ve been a nuisance. Thank you for sticking with me. I aim to be better and live up to what these messages say.

First things first, I want to clarify why I posted the collage of all the hate the other day. I didn’t approach that well, and I’m sorry. I realized too late that it was a bad decision.

Really, that collage was more meant just for me. Maybe it’s sad, but I’ve been actively writing on this site for a good half decade now, and for a lot of that time, I’ve almost craved anon hate. I was disappointed that I never got any. I wondered what the heck I was doing wrong.

After all, I have so many unpopular opinions. I realized that a lot of the community disliked me—or if that’s too strong a word, I knew they didn’t want anything to do with me—because of what I think and how I feel. But they never wanted to voice anything to my face. I wasn’t worth the effort to be attacked. I was nothing. Nobody.

There’s this quote from Tibor Kalman that I think about a lot: “[W]hen you make something no one hates, no one loves it.” If no one hated me enough to hate me right to my face, I thought, then I wasn’t good enough. I was boring. Easily forgotten. Not worth the effort.

So, getting all that anon hate for the first time? God, it hurt. It hurt so bad. Getting everything I’d always feared the community hated about me—as well as things I didn’t even consider them hating about me—right in my inbox? Ow. I cried a lot. I wanted to burn everything I ever wrote a lot. I wanted to quit making stuff for this community a lot. 

What’s the use? I thought—selfishly, of course, keeping in mind all the support up above. Why do I try? It was cruel and unfair, but I kept thinking these things. I kept thinking, What’s the use when nobody wants me here?

But I also thought about the implications of getting all that stuff thrown at me. And I knew it meant one thing: I’m not boring anymore.

There is at least one person out there who frequently checks my blog for more things to rail on me for. There is at least one person going out of their way to write nasty, awful, mean-spirited messages. There is at least one person eagerly waiting for me to respond, to say something, anything, so that they can hurt me and drag me and push me down.

After all these years, to at least one person, I’m worth the effort. No matter how much the messages have stung and destroyed me, I wanted to keep a record of them to remind myself, hey. Someone or someones out there hate(s) me this much for having a different opinion on a cartoon. Maybe that says that my opinions on this cartoon are worth something. 

I mean, they’re worth this level of mocking and ridicule, right?

But... I could have just kept the collage to myself. It’s a personal motivation. Nobody else needs to see these terrible things. That just encourages the cruelty even more. Why did I publicize it?

Well, it’s not too uncommon for Internet content creators to make something out of their hate comments. I like the trend of turning the comments into songs, like here, for example:

At the end of the video, Madilyn Bailey, the artist, says that the purpose of the song is to mock Internet troll culture and make something positive from the negativity.

But I wouldn’t say that that was really my motivation for posting my collage. Call me silly and naive, but I wanted to draw attention to these Internet fandom issues. Everything in that collage is what I was having to deal with... on top of my normal life struggles. 

While all of this was happening, I was tapering off my anxiety and depression medication because I felt it wasn’t as effective as it could be and because I feared it was making me lose my hair—something that I am extremely self-conscious about. I cut my hair short nearly a decade ago, and it’s never grown back to the same length. 

So, needless to say, while all of this was happening, I was horrified about the big clumps of hair lost in the shower. I was dealing with lightheadedness and dizziness from the withdrawal of my meds (which I’m still dealing with, btw), and I was also dealing with stresses at work. My department has changed management within the last year, and there’s been the concern that people will lose their jobs. There’s been the concern that this occupation won’t be enough to support me anymore.

While all of this was happening, I was stressed about my career, about money, about growing older—the beginning of the anon hate assault was just days before my birthday. I couldn’t see my therapist as much as I wanted because there ain’t enough therapists out there for all this world’s issues. 

And while I know that I shouldn’t compare, I also know well that my struggles are nothing compared to the struggles of others. So, how must it feel to deal with all the crap that life just normally throws at you, that’s probably a lot worse for most people than it is for me... and then come home to messages that treat you like a disgusting, horrible, awful human being for your feelings on a cartoon? For work you offer to a community for free and fun? 

For answers to questions that you only answered because you were asked to?!

Well, it felt pretty bad to me.

When I posted my collage, I meant to send a message about how this is not okay. I don’t want to see this kind of behavior, and I’m bothered that I don’t know how normal or common what happened to me is. Is this an everyday occurrence for online content creators? Have I just been shielded all these years because I wasn’t interesting enough?

I hoped that by sharing what I was going through, it’d draw attention to the problem. We shouldn’t be treating our fandom content creators like this. It’s not fair. It’s sick.

Of course, I don’t want to guilt anyone into supporting me. I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t criticize me. I don’t want anyone to feel that, just because I was dealing with a Lot in life, any poor behavior on my part is somehow okay. It isn’t.

The comments that probably hurt me the most in that collage aren’t even the “hate” ones. They’re the ones that express that I messed up. That I hurt them. I can’t say I agree with how these feelings were expressed, but more than any nasty, personally insulting message, those probably hit hardest. I hate the feeling that I’m disappointing my followers. In fact, in taking screenshots for this post, I saw that at least one of the people who had sent me a sweet message has since unfollowed. And that—the sense that I should just stop, that my work really is as horrible as the cruel anons say, that I’m no longer someone they want to support because I’m a disaster and a failure—that... really, really stung.

But as I’ve said before, I can’t blame anyone for leaving me after all this drama. It stinks. It sucks. I messed up. I try to be kind, respectful, considerate, but I’m not perfect, and there are gonna be mistakes along the way. 

So I want to encourage—but only if you’re comfortable doing so, of course—more feedback about how to be better. How could I make my content more appealing? How could I handle these situations in ways that are less awful? Could I improve my post-tagging system? My therapist is helping me, but I’d like to hear from all y’all, too. I want to know how to make stuff that people actually enjoy. Anon hate doesn’t exactly help me make better content, but actual constructive feedback will. That’s what I want to see.

But enough bellyaching. Here are some posts I’m prioritizing right now, and I’d like to know which one folks would want to see most:

✄ “ambiguous” thoughts

✄ Ryuko stronger in episode 14, North Kanto monkey versus Osaka monkey

✄ Episode 6 ending

✄ Ryuko and Senketsu interactions

✄ Ripping out heart

✄ Satsuki’s isolation

✄ Things About: Senketsu, Satsuki, Mako, Tsumugu (maybe more?)

✄ Ryuko’s IF story, episodes 5-8

✄ Ryuko’s IF story, episodes 9-10

✄ Anime Revolution info

It’s a lot, I know ^^; And that’s not even close to all of it. But where should I start? Don’t worry; I intend to finish everything here—especially because a lot of these are old, old requests!—but I’m easily overwhelmed, so an idea of where to begin would be really helpful for me!

tl;dr, I shouldn’t have posted that thing the other day, and maybe this long vomit dump about my intentions doesn’t even come close to making up for it. But I want folks to know that I appreciate their support and would love any feedback about how to better serve the community and live up to these kind messages.

Which, speaking of, here’s a transcript of them:

“As a survivor that's ace I think you're handling the ragyo situation excellently and I'm really enjoying your blog so thank you!”

“Sorry you’re dealing with backlash in regards to your opinions and headcanons on Ragyo, dear! While I can’t really say much on the matter, I think it’s fair that you’re being open with us on how you feel and that you’re entitled to your opinion. Does that mean people will agree with you? No, but that’s okay! Or at the very last, it should be...but people can get heated when certain topics come up and that’s when it Gets Messy”

“There’s no right way to fandom, people jumping in your ask to belittle you are jerks. Tbh the first time I watched Kill La Kill I didn’t consider ryuko and senketsu relationship as romantic but after finding your writing and on subsequent watches I totally see it and like that’s the whole point of fandom right? A group of people who love a thing for varying reasons, I don’t understand this need to be monolithic in fandom. Anyways I love your writing and totally understand your frustrations of late”

“Guys, come on. It’s a work of fiction. People are allowed to like whatever they want to like. You don’t like that? That’s fine! But please, leave Goop alone for stating her mind and expressing how she feels about it. She wouldn’t hark you for your opinion because she’s fully aware of how could make you feel. She’s done nothing but pout her heart out about a series she loves, it’s her passion. If someone did that to YOU, you wouldn’t like it, now would you? (1/2)

“I know it’s not going to magically change overnight and everyone will say their peace to feel validated, but I just feel so bad that you’re getting all of this over things that you’ve previously talked about and STILL have to defend yourself for. Your opinion is yours, Goop, and don’t let ANYONE try to challenge that! (2/2)”

“Please don't be so hard on yourself! I understand why it makes you upset when people send hate and stuff but you shouldn't feel the need to justify every single word you say. I just wanted to let you know that I always adored everything you write and I'm completely on your side in all of this. :) I hope you feel better soon!”

“I think your takes are very good; but more important than everyone agreeing w/ everyone elses readings, I think, is that you are a very good writer of analysis and it would be a shame for you to falter in that because of ppls reactions to your content. anyone who harasses you about having the 'wrong opinions' about fiction needs to learn how analysis of fiction functions & find a better outlet :) you are very talented, Goop, please follow your true north!”

“People get hung up on weird things, like you can disagree with someone and not devolve to personal attacks??? Anyways I enjoy your klk content! I look forward to more analysis of the game!”

“man, i dunno why so many anons gotta be such massive jackasses, you don't deserve it. hell, i don't even ship ryuketsu (I lean towards a more queerplatonic partnership interpretation, and im generally allergic to romantic shipping anyways) and i still deeply appreciate the thought and research and care you put into your meta.”

“ik you don't want asks about this but as a sexual assault survivor you are absolutely valid on how you feel about Ragyo. I skip the bath scene on every rewatch, and I find her atrocious. The fact that people are attacking you for this is dumb.”

“Hey man you’re allowed to talk about who you want on your blog. It’s your shit. People are so entitled nowadays and can’t let people have opinions anymore. You’re not dumb, you’re not trying to be offensive. And it hurts seeing how you’re trying to be courteous and step on eggshells and still getting dragged. Like people are allowed to disagree but there’s no need to be rude to someone trying not to be rude. You’re literally saying an opinion. Everyone else relax, my dude. You’re fine.”

“It’s amazing how all these people can recognize ragyos terrible behavior but insist on having to defend her….”

 “Just wanted to shout over all of this hate and say you have an amazing blog and you shouldn’t let this get you down. Keep doing what you’re doing because it’s legitimately awesome. Anyway that’s all I had to say. Keep being you.”

“Hey Goop. Just always remember that even if we're quieter, there will always be more people supporting you and loving you than people hating you. I really hope you don't let these anons destroy your health in a more permanent way. Keep up the good work!”

“Hello! Just wanted to say that I love your posts and analyses of klk so much! I love seeing how passionate you are about it (bc I am too) and I also ship Ryuketsu SUPER hard! I'm sorry if people are getting you down, but I hope you keep on doing your thing!”

trashcanalienist said: I agree with this so much

tolliver-j-mortaelwyver said: …don’t ever let someone else’s insecurities become part of you. 😉

official-raven-branwen reblogged this from marshmallowgoop and added:

Ya’ll got a problem with Goop, you can fuck outta here with that.

#Lookin at you anon

official-raven-branwen said: Why are people being mean to you??! Goop, please please please don’t ever think that your content isn’t wanted. If people are having an issue, that’s on them. They can fuck right off.

tolliver-j-mortaelwyver said: More Ryuketsu! Indeed!

kuribo4indahouse said: Kill la Kill needs you

csolarstorm said: Hey Goop, I sympathize. It’s never easy to share opinions about topics like this, because everyone has a different story, and they all want their story heard by others. I’ve found that you can’t accomodate everyone’s struggles - you can only speak for yourself. Keep on writing, I love Kill la Kill and Iook forward to reading your work.

official-raven-branwen said: You got this! 

kuribo4indahouse said: Don’t worry, and don’t count out the possibility of becoming bigger over time!

gaylo-thymos said: Hell yea, you’re doing your very best to be out there and that’s what matters. Keep bein you!

darthvandr said: Well regardless of recent events, you’re one of my favorite blogs and I’d be sad if you left. So you just keep on being you!

kuribo4indahouse said:

Who the fuck wrote that lol

Are those even real people writing those messages? Who would be this rude over a TV show?

And then they call you “butthurt”… Any self awareness?

official-raven-branwen replied to your post “You’re so butthurt about this Ragyou thing. Get over yourself. So…”

You are awesome Goop! Don’t listen to those asshat anons. You rock and those anons mean nothing. You keep being you because you are enough!

Not sure why you have such awful anons. You are an awesome person. Please know that you opinions on stuff that you (very obviously) love are perfectly valid, because they are your opinions, on your own freaking blog. And to that anon that sent you that message, listen dude, if you don’t like the content Goop puts out, there’s the unfollow button right there champ.

eldritchgentleman reblogged your photo and added:

Fuck the opinions of others and enjoy what you love! They don’t own you, listening to them doesn’t make you happy so screw them with a pineapple.

simon-newman​​ reblogged your photo and added:

Also Ryuko and Senketsu is a valid ship.

eric-coldfire reblogged your photo and added:

Absolute valid ship, op. Ignore the haters and keep being you.

kuribo4indahouse​​ reblogged your post and added:

Just laugh at these Goop.

badgerjaw​​ replied to your post “goops, you’re starting to stoop to the level of those that are bugging…”

I don’t think this anon knows what patronizing means, nor can they tell the difference between getting a big head and acknowledging the amount you do in this fandom. To each their own, nonny, cheers

badgerjaw replied to your post “You realize some of us don’t have Tumblr accounts, we’re coming over…”

At least the shirt in question can consent; wonder if these nonnies are gonna get on the people who abuse their non-sentient socks?

“I'm sorry. I don't always necessarily agree with the ideas, but I haven't been offended.”

“And I know you're like, you know, a reasonable, nice person. So even if you did say something that came off as offensive, I wouldn't be up in arms about it, you know?”

“Hey Goop, I know this is coming really late but here's what I wanted to say

“You didn't deserve any ounce of that anon hate.

“I'm just absolutely stunned. There was nothing wrong with what you posted. Not then, not now. Because all you were doing was expressing your OWN interpretations. You weren't trying to claim anything as set-in-stone fact

“And... I don't understand. I don't understand why people are SO angry that another person has an opinion they don't share. In the end, what are we talking about here? An anime...

“Don't get me wrong. The topics you discussed were indeed important to talk about, and fiction definitely does influence reality. But the fact of the matter is that, when it comes down to it, your posts were simply you sharing some headcanons about some characters from an anime

“And... when you look at the grand scheme of things, I really do think those anons are really quite pathetic. I mean. Consider what sort of person they have to be so get SO angry over a post like ‘Hey I think Ragyo might be ace’ and say ‘How can you be this STUPID Ragyo is OBVIOUSLY a lesbian and YOUR WHOLE BLOG IS A BAD TAKE’ like really?????

“Actually you didn't even say ‘Ragyo might be ace,’ it was more of a ‘I personally feel like Ragyo is ace’ and?? What's the issue with that?????/

“I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I'm so upset that you're upset cause of those anons and all the hate you got over NOTHING

“Also, don't discount the fact that there are indeed people out there who agree with you. I know you mentioned that you don't think anyone shares the same opinions on Ragyo as you do. But in all my years of following you, I've realized one thing

“You and I... have the same opinions on EVERYTHING????????

“But let me be clear. That's not why I support you. It doesn't matter if we have the same headcanons. 

“Even if I disagreed with everything you said, I'd still support you. Because it's not the headcanons that matter—it's how respectful you are and how you're always trying to better yourself. You always try SO SO SO hard to express yourself in a reasonable and kind way, and you are always trying to be mindful of your wording and considerate of other people's opinions

“It really upsets me to see you apologize so much to people who don't deserve an apology.”

“Hi, Goop. I want to thank you for everything you do on this blog. I started getting into your Kill la Kill content in around 2016. I even keep a copy of your meta book downloaded on my phone to reread every now and then. 

“I think what I like so much about your writing is how in-depth and supported and thoughtful it all is. Kill la Kill is so easy for people to write off as just a flashy, over the top, fanservice show. I think the biggest takeaway from the show is that it truly is a story about friendship and love, and I’m glad that you write so, so much about this. It always gets me all giddy and excited when I see you post something new or when you reblog your old stuff. I first watched the show in 2014, then I rewatched it two more times, knowing that I liked it, but not knowing exactly why. 

“Until I started reading your blog. It’s really thanks to you that Kill la Kill is now my unbeatable, number one favorite anime ever. 

“You put into words so eloquently what I’ve always felt towards Kill la Kill since I first watched it. I want you to know I really appreciate you. Please know you have my support, and I hope you keep doing what you love.”

“First off HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ 

“I just hope that anon finds something more fulfilling than spewing hate and nonsense. Like model trains, or magic tricks. I know my life got a lot more bright when I kept my nose out of people’s business and started focusing on the things I love to do.”

“I'm sorry that you have to deal with these trolls. :/ Some people just like to get a reaction. 

“*would talk more but feels that the conversation is past its expiration* 

“I respect you for expressing your opinion. Lord knows how illegal that is when insecure people get offended.”

“super late at night for me and I should be sleeping but I saw all your responses and how you tried to handle things and just felt really bad. You're in a situation that things just can't be solved with a simple logical response. Like I said sometimes people just have a view and when they disagree they just need to attack others who are part of that disagreement.”

kurouga replied to your post “[[MOR] I already knew people felt this way about me, but I guess…”

You don’t know if it needs you? At times like these I’d say the fandom doesn’t deserve you. It’s always mind-boggling – and yeah, saddening – to recognize how readily people forget how to be civil and begin to hold the meaning they see in fiction as more important than the feelings and experiences of others. Meanwhile you’re classy, humble, patient, and resilient enough to have retained these qualities where so many others… haven’t. Nothing short of inspiring.

I’d say it’s reflective of the cancerous state of fandom environments that it’s so much easier to win support with sweeping, neat and tidy divisiveness – that is, by resorting to discouraging, dismissing, or ridiculing differences in opinion – than it is to garner support as a thoughtful proponent of discussion.

Those who would argue “This fandom would be perfect if only those people who have other opinions/ships would just *stop* already” are those who would rather reign over a wasteland than accept that their views aren’t threatened/invalidated by the existence of differing views. And they almost certainly don’t appreciate the irony in that the perfect victory they envision is one in which what remains of the fandom is all cut from the same cloth. Never stop being you, goop.

“Hey uh saw that you're going through some brutal stuff with a anon. But I wanted you to know you're handling it like a champ and hopefully they'll get on with their life soon!”

“No problem I always look forward to getting notifications for your posts. It's kinda sad that you can't talk about opinions on here without someone getting upset but I hope that doesn't stop you from continuing!”

“You write a lot about things and you're sure to upset someone but at least you're being honest and always try to resolve disagreements realistically. I'm sorry that you're crying and all but I hope you do feel better soon! It's gonna be your birthday after all ✌️”

“I don’t know if I clicked the right button. Sorry. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really, really respect your work and to thank you, because you bring so much happiness to life of me and my other friends. Keep up with your good work and continue to share love for Kill La Kill and for t h e m. *salutes*”

“hey! heard you'd been getting shit lately from people deliberately seeking to misunderstand the work you've put into the KLK fandom over the years (doubt you'd remember me but i'm still [blurred for privacy] on AO3). even though i don't use tumblr anymore on a regular basis, of all the people i met and knew, even tangentially, in this fandom, you've always stuck out to me as one of the loveliest and most dedicated fans and my favorite meta writer, period. please keep it up!”

korra-n-stuff​​ replied to your post “You realize some of us don’t have Tumblr accounts, we’re coming over…”

can these anons please go away? you’re wonderful goop, dont change. These people just has sticks in their asses

fromtheriverbanks​​ replied to your post “Guys, come on. It’s a work of fiction. People are allowed to like…”

I love your analysis. I tend to agree with the stuff about Ryuko and Senketsu and think it’s a big part of what makes the show beautiful. If there were PhDs in Kill la Kill, you would deserve one.

[omgokiguess]

Okay when I wrote my original post about my detainment I had just left the police station and was pretty shook up so let me tell the story the right way.

I woke up to move my car at 8am because the spot I was in turns into a loading zone at 8am. My battery was dead cause I guess I left the lights on all night. So first I call an uber cause they always have jumper cables. Of course mine didn't have jumper cables so I'm like fuck it I'm getting triple A. So I get triple A and the guy comes and asks for my ID to verify I'm the account holder and I give the ID to him. He jump starts my car and we're all good. So I call my friend and start driving. I drive not even one block and a cop pulls me over. There's two of them and the lady is like do you know why I pulled you over? And I'm like no. And she's like phone and I'm like okay whatever. So she asks for my license and I'm looking for it and I can't find it and I realize.... the triple A guy never gave it back! But I'm like, is it okay to step out of the vehicle and look around the seat for it? And they're like sure. So I'm looking around and I'm not seeing it. And the lady is like "I thought you were gonna look under the seat and you haven't done that" and I'm like "I said around the seat like under my butt, there is no under the seat." So they try to start looking through my car and I'm like "whoa you cannot search my car without a warrant!" And she is like "why, what are you hiding in there?" And I'm like "um nothing it's just personal shit...." and so I gave them my uchicago ID and told them my address and they looked me up and were like the addresses don't match up and I'm like yeah sorry I move a lot and they're like "well that's another crime" and I'm like okay.... and they're like "we aren't arresting you but we have to handcuff you and take you to the station." I immediately start crying and hyperventilating and they tell me to put my hands on the vehicle and they pat me down, despite the fact that I'm wearing spandex shorts and a tight tank top. They handcuff me and just hold me outside for a while and I'm like "can I get in the cop car? I don't want all these people seeing me handcuffed" and they're like "no a separate cop car is coming for you" and I'm like "fine then can we get behind my car so less people can see me?" And he's like fine. So we walk three (3) steps and another Male cop comes up to check why we moved three steps. I ask how my vehicle is getting to the station and they tell me a cop is driving it. I ask if it can be towed and they're like why? And I'm like I don't want a cop in my car. Too bad for me I guess. So after like 5 or 10 minutes they put me in the cop car, no belt by the way. And it's horrifying. There's like one million different restraints. So we get into the station and we pull into an all concrete garage. The cop lets me out and leaves me alone in a concrete garage for like 10 minutes. They usher me in and I ask for a tampon because I can see I'm bleeding through my shorts at this point. They say no. They remove one handcuff and handcuff me to a wall. (Why? Why was I cuffed at all? I never would have ran). I get in a seat and I use my right hand to move over my shorts so I'll bleed directly on the seat (I did thank god). They go through my file and the lady is like ah! 1994! That explains it! You millenials are so sensitive and so attached to your phones! And continues to complain about millennials. (Wrong person btw, I hate my phone and the internet and I'm tough as shit). She proceeded to tell me to stop crying because I'm not being arrested, she told me to stop crying like ten times. Every time I replied "I'm handcuffed to a wall and I'm allowed to cry, stop telling me to stop crying." And at some point I asked for some ibuprofen cause my ringworm was hurting and she was like "no, how does an adult even get ringworm anyway?" And I was like "if you must know I got it from my Guinea pig who got it from the pet shop, I was giving him medicine twice a day for six weeks so that's how I got it." And she was like "what adult has Guinea pigs?" And I was like me. And she was like whatever it's just viral and tried explaining ringworm to me, and at that point I'd had it so I claimed to be a uchicago med student and I was like actually it's a fungal infection there's nothing viral about it. When they finally let me leave I stormed out and didn't look back and screamed "BURN IN HELL"

So anyway I'm filing a request for information so they'll play the body cams at the court hearing. I want that lady cop stripped of her badge. I wouldn't have been half as hysterical if she had just acted normal and not like a huge bitch.

[itsmariestmarcuniverse]

A #tbt from before I had this blog -

This is a story about a boy who will forever be known in my heart, soul, and terror center as “The Incredible Mike.”

Not Hulk. Mike.

(Mike is not his real name.)

Mike had sensory issues and could not handle sitting on the carpet, so he was allowed to sit at his desk. (The carpet didn’t feel right and he didn’t like the sounds of the people breathing too closely to him.) Mike also had behavior/defiance issues, so he was allowed to color on days that started off well. (We went to the carpet approximately 3 times a day, so he had three opportunities to draw/color daily - as long as he promised to pay attention.) Honestly, he paid better attention while drawing/coloring/creating than when he had to sit still, but that’s a different story.

On this particular day, Mike had entered the room somewhat subdued. He mentioned that his therapist changed his medication and it made him feel different. (The fact that an adult in his life didn’t let me know is neither here nor there. I’m just glad he could verbalize it.)

And, so, with all this exposition, I started our routine. For the first 45 minutes, Mike wasn’t with me. He was with the resource teacher for reading, but he came back when we started our reading time. He chose to sit at his desk and started his creating time. (The day before, he had finished the last of the Ninja Turtles as masks - I had a set of 4 on my desk that he and his friends wanted to use at recess.) He had a paper out, his crayons, and a pair of scissors. (I didn’t think anything of it, because he had created the masks yesterday and had told me of his plan to start the Avengers that day.)

I started reading Wemberly Worried (by Kevin Hinkes). It felt like I had been reading forever, but I had maybe gotten 5 pages in, when I noticed several students in the class were not paying attention. And then I looked at the smartest, most on-task, Golden Child all teachers dream of, and SHE wasn’t paying attention. She was attempting to get my attention in the most discrete way possible. (Well, she was six, so it wasn’t EXACTLY discrete.)

With her waving her hand and pointing behind me, I looked at her and said, “What is it, (Golden Child)?”

The only words that came out of her mouth were, “Look, teacher.”

So I did.

There was Mike, flinging his last shoe off to the corner as he climbed onto the chair (then desk). I watched, horrified, as his pulled his shirt over his head, and it, too, landed in some corner or another after swinging it around his head like stripper.

“Eyes on me,” I told the rest of the class as I walked to the other side of the room to press the office button. “Eyes. On. Me.” I continued to read as I waited for office assistance. I watched as socks and belt were hurled. I asked for administrative assistance and hurry if possible. (Mostly, I wasn’t ready to have a conversation about keeping our clothing on.)

I flagged down a volunteer (a wonderful, grandmotherly woman) who continued to read while I distracted Mike.

Mike.

Who was now 1) on top of his desk, 2) half- to- two-thirds naked, 3) flexing his muscles (?) while 4) roaring like the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. So, think The Incredible Hulk meets Magic Mike.

I got him off the desk and into the hallway and started walking him to the teachers’ work room when the principal came into the building at the opposite end of the hall. She starts with “Who’s with your class?”

“Mrs. Volunteer.”

“I’ll stay with them while you deal with this. Oh, and you should call his parent.”

“I think he needs a private place to calm down.”

“This is fine.”

Note: No, it wasn’t.

Now, about the time I got Mike into the hallway, he started scratching at himself. During this exchange with my boss, he started DIGGING his nails into his skin and pulling his hands down his arms.

Well, Volunteer came out of the room with all Mike’s clothes. We got his shirt and socks on but decided not to push it with the belt and shoes.

I call the parents while Volunteer got wet towels and helped to calm him down. His resource teacher came and started distracting him. I talked to a parent. “Oh, yeah, they changed his meds.” Yeah, he told me. “Well, I can call his doctor, I guess.” I really think he needs to go home. He needs somewhere to be safe. (At this point, he’s babbling about people trying to find him, the clawing has turned into an anxious rubbing/scouring, and he decided to put his shoes back on.) “I can’t leave work. I’ll get fired. I’m already pushing it by answering my phone. Just keep him there. He’ll be fine.” Note: he wasn’t. “I’ll call you back when I hear from the doctor.”

Massive effing eye roll.

I call the office and tell the secretary if Mike’s parents call, I need to talk to them immediately.

Mike has Volunteer and Resource Teacher trying to calm him down. I take one of the wet towels and start rubbing it down his arm while Volunteer does it on the other side. Resource Teacher gets his belt back through the loops. This seemed to soothe him, until it didn’t. He smacked our arms away and tried to run but we blocked him and convinced him to sit in a chair.

The clawing returned, raising welts on his arms and causing some minor bleeding. Resource Teacher realized he liked the pressure on his arms, but probably not the paper towel. She and Volunteer started to rub while I crouched down in front of him.

“Mike, I know you don’t feel right. You’re probably feeling like the Hulk.” I got a nod from that. “But the Hulk isn’t always the Hulk. I need Bruce Banner to come out. Can you pretend to be Bruce Banner?” He shook his head. “Well, let’s think about what it means to be Bruce Banner vs the Hulk.”

Using this comparison, I got Mike to talk to me. He was able to calm down and stop scratching. He buckled his belt and prepared to head back to class.

When we got there, Principal asked what took so long and only received a glare from me. I told her that Parent said to wait for a call. I wanted to know immediately and I wanted to talk to the parent.

No one came to help him that day. Every adult in his life failed him. Parent called and told me that the doctor failed to mention that Mike should receive this new medication ALONG WITH the old meds. He’d only gotten the new one that morning. Parent wasn’t going to bring him old meds or take him home though. None of his doctors insisted upon it. I’m not sure if they heard the part where he attempted to CLAW HIS VEINS OUT. Admin wouldn’t remove him from a situation where he was under duress (because, I’ve since been told, there was no reason for him to be under duress). And the only way I could reach him (by myself the rest of the day as I didn’t have an assistant and the volunteer was actually there for a kindergarten class) was by calling him Dr. Banner - to remind him that he was smart, calm, kind, and, above all else, human.

That’s right.

The thing Mike liked about Bruce Banner the most in that moment, for that day, was that he was human.

This child was hurting. He thought he was a monster. He saw himself as the Hulk. And I had to remind this baby (7 year old) that he was human in the only comparison he had. Bruce Banner.

Resource Teacher and I were talking about him today. He transferred out of our school about a month after this incident. I hope he is okay and I pray for him often. But I’m sharing this for a reason:

Parents: Allow me to be your teammate. I can’t stop your child from playing with someone you find “unsavory,” but I can give them tools to remove themselves from that situation. I don’t call for no reason. I need your help. Your child needs OUR help. I can only do what’s best when I have all the information.

Teachers: This job is one that makes you feel alone. You are in front of your class without aides, without other teachers, and sometimes without admin support (they’ve got their own problems to handle that can’t always be ours). But you’re not alone. The day after this (I left school AT 3:30 that afternoon) I walked in to a note on my board asking my students to be extra good to me. It was signed from the teacher in Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse (a story we read days before and they loved that teacher). It was from my teammates who heard about my ordeal (and my 17 threats to quit that day).

General Public: When schools ask for more money - this is why. Stop cutting the funding. Our resource teacher was split between two schools the previous year. We were able to keep her part time because the state had given our district a smidge more money at the beginning of the year. (Not enough for another aide or teacher, but enough to keep the one we had full time.) Volunteer, if you can. You probably won’t run into an Incredible Mike, but you can run copies, help a teacher get organized, or work with students. Just an hour a week helps.

Btw: last I heard, Mike moved even farther into the country and got a puppy.