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the-named-anon · 9 days ago

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My thoughts on Chandlo

(A very long post)

I have tagged this as Chandlo Funkbun and Bugsnax because this is a discussion of his character. I have placed the essay itself under the cut, because I don't want to bother anyone who's in the tag just because they like Chandlo. This post will be very long and very negative regarding the character of Chandlo Funkbun. Other characters are mentioned but are not the focus, thus are not included in the tags. This is by definition a Chandlo post, just not a traditional one. Spoilers for everything, including multiple side quests, the Isle of Bigsnax DLC, and the end of the game.

Part 1: Snorpy's Boyfriend

Chandlo Funkbun is Snorpy's boyfriend. If I were to sum up his character, that is what I would say. He is Snorpy's boyfriend. Chandlo as a character is entirely dependent on Snorpy. Not just in-universe, but in his writing aswell. Almost everything Chandlo does is for Snorpy. Don't believe me?

When we first meet Chandlo, he needs to get back to Snorpy.

When we see him again, he's talking to Snorpy.

In the dunk zone, he's talking about how he wants to see Snorpy's new tool in action.

He refuses to go back to town because he won't leave without Snorpy.

His side quest is dedicated to him getting stronger so he can pull up a stump and impress Snorpy.

He fights Mama Mewon so he can get stronger to protect Snorpy.

He wants to become 20 feet tall so he can impress Snorpy ¹.

He attempts to put the entire Brokentooth Expedition in jeopardy because he needs to get back to Snorpy.

When he talks to Shelda it's about Snorpy.

When he talks to Floofty it's about Snorpy.

When he talks to Triffany it's about the Grumpinati which connects directly to Snorpy.

The only way to get Chandlo to dance in the ending is if you get Snorpy.

Figure 1 (The implication of this journal art is that the main reason Chandlo wants to become large is so that he can show off for Snorpy. And gain the adoration of others, as seen by Filbo, Shelda and Gramble in the bottom right)

Chandlo as a character is essentially just an extension of Snorpy. It's almost as if they came up with the concept of a Nerd/Jock pairing, went insanely hard on Snorpy and put a ton of effort into him, and then remembered "Oh yeah he needs a jock boyfriend" and made Chandlo.

Beyond my examples of every single plot beat in Chandlo's main, side and dlc quests, it seeps into all of his dialogue aswell. My key example of this is his dialogue before and after the Mama Mewon boss fight ² .

Figure 2 (Before the Mama Mewon fight) "This way, dawg! Just thinkin' about that buff Snak is getting me pumped! ...Snorpy keeps tellin' me it's okay if I can't lift the tree stump. And I feel that, and I love him for it, but he just doesn't get it. I'm doing this for HIM! The world will crush you if you let it. I gotta be strong enough to keep him safe from all that." (After the Mama Mewon fight) "...I was hopin' I'd get twice as big or somethin'...but naw, I'm just the same Chandlo. And Chandlo isn't good enough. I spent my whole life climbin' a mountain... and once I got to the peak, all I saw was a taller mountain! Bro, even if I could rip out that stump, I couldn't stop an earthquake. There's always something bigger than me. Stronger than me. Snorpy's always gonna be in danger."

There's the beginnings of a character here. But as soon as you get close to giving him depth, it's immediately drawn back to Snorpy. Chandlo's too stubborn and needs to realize his limits- nope it's about Snorpy. Chandlo needs to accept that he'll never be perfect- nope it's about Snorpy. Every action Chandlo takes is in service of Snorpy. And before you come at me with "Of course he cares about Snorpy, they're dating!" It's. Excessive.

The Brokentooth DLC is another huge example of Chandlo being nothing without Snorpy. The DLC did wonders for everyone's character development... except Chandlo. Everything is still about Snorpy. He wants to get big and strong to impress Snorpy. And what am I supposed to say about him deciding to give up and move on from his dreams of being 20 feet tall ¹⁰? That's a little step, but once again his character is drawn back to Snorpy.

In his discussion with Shelda, she gives us the excellent line of "That boy needs therapy" ³ regarding Snorpy. Beyond being funny, it also represents to Chandlo what he's done. His obsession with protecting and validating and being there for Snorpy is only harming both of them. So Chandlo has to become more independent right? Nope, he needs another 2 discussions about Snorpy.

Figure 3 (Chandlo) “I’ve known Snorpy all my life… But it feels like he’s getting further away from me, and…and I just don’t know what to do.” (Shelda) “Ah… One must… in the Path of the Mother… no, uh. Hold on, one does NOT want one’s words to be misinterpreted when one says… That boy needs therapy.” (Chandlo) “W-Well, yeah for sure, and I’m tryin’ to do that! I make sure he’s safe, I listen to his problems, I-I try to help him feel valid, all that stuff.” (Shelda) “Chandlo, you are strong and wise and wonderful, and you can do everything to support him… but you cannot FIX him. Understand?”

He asks Floofty about Snorpy ⁴, and honestly the entire conversation is much more about Snorpy than anyone else, especially not Chandlo. The conversation with Triffany is about the same, just this time about the Grumpinati instead of Snorpy directly ⁵. Again, it's about Snorpy.

Figure 4 (Floofty) “Are we here to speak ill of my brother? I will gladly go first. Complaint one of two-hundred-and-ninety-four-” (Chandlo) “Naw, naw, that’s not why I asked you here. But I do wanna talk about Snorpy…”

Figure 5 (Triffany) “What’s goin’ on, Chandlo?” (Chandlo) “Triffany, you know about history and, like, ancient societies and stuff. Shelda said Snorpy’s lost in a ‘maze of delusion’... but what if it’s NOT a delusion? What if there really is a Grumpinati?”

In fact, Chandlo is the only character who has a one-on-one discussion with every character on the expedition, and every single one of them is about Snorpy. It's almost like Snorpy was supposed to be on the expedition and getting this told to him directly, but Roger Craig Smith was too expensive to have for the entire DLC, so Chandlo, Snorpy's extension, was used instead to get all of this Snorpy exposition. Chandlo is also special among the Brokentooth expedition for another reason... but I'll get to that later.

Chandlo is an entirely useless character without Snorpy. His sole purpose is to be Snorpy's protective boyfriend and give us the funny "Snorpy, we've been dating for years" line at the end of the game. It sure would be a shame if-

Part 2: Snorpy's (bad) Boyfriend

Oh yeah. I'm going there. I've voiced my opinion of Snorplo in the past, and it hasn't changed. I've always said they were immensely overrated and their problems are glossed over because they're everyones "Uwu Smol Gay Beans!!!" and I'm here to finally put this shit straight. It's time to look at Snorplo from the perspective of someone who doesn't like Chandlo anymore.

Now, what can be said about the dynamic between Snorpy and Chandlo? Snorpy is a paranoid, antisocial wreck with severe problems with trust. And CHANDLO is his BIG STRONG BOYFRIEND who TAKES CARE OF HIM and PROTECTS him and NEVER LETS HIM OUT OF HIS SIGHT.

In all seriousness, Chandlo does everything for Snorpy. He does… a bit too much for Snorpy, honestly. By that, I mean he isn't very keen on Snorpy doing… anything? Anything without him, at least. Chandlo is unhealthily dependent on Snorpy, and despite what you might think, it isn't exactly mutual.

Over the course of Chandlo's side quest, Snorpy suggests solutions to Chandlo's problems, and Chandlo ignores all of them in lieu of doing everything himself ⁶. When we get back from the Mama Mewon fight, Snorpy has already solved the problem himself. And Chandlo gets mad at him (?!?!?!) before chilling out and thanking him ⁷. Even if the stump represented Chandlo’s will to get stronger, he should have voiced that instead of just assuming Snorpy would get it. You know, Snorpy, someone very accustomed to assuming things about Chandlo.

Figure 6 (Snorpy) “You know, I could just make a digging device-” (Chandlo) “That's not the point, bro! I can DO THIS!”

Figure 7 (Chandlo) “Where's the stump, Snorpy!?” (Snorpy) “I removed it with my digging device. It took five minutes.” (Chandlo) “BROOOO!!!... Thanks...” (Snorpy) “Any time, Chandlo.”

In contrast with Snorpy's side quest, Snorpy - unbelievably - has his own problems instead of only focusing on Chandlo. Meanwhile, Chandlo inserts himself into the events, like the flare lighting ⁸, and my key example, the end of the Daddy Cakelegs fight.

Figure 8 (Chandlo) “Whoa, Bro, you’re gonna burn down Snaxburg with those things! Why are you lightin’ all this stuff up?” (Journalist) “That is classified. / It has nothing to do with Snorpy!” (Chandlo) “Bro, I saw Snorpy set these up. If you don’t wanna tell me what he’s up to, I’ll respect that. But don’t treat me like I’m stupid, got it?”

When Snorpy returns from the Daddy Cakelegs fight, Chandlo is furious with him. Not primarily for putting himself in danger, but… for not bringing him along ⁹. Rather than being happy he's okay, Chandlo is mad that Snorpy did anything (without him) at all. Which is… weird!

Figure 9 (Chandlo) “Snorpy, what the GRUMP!? You climbed up the mountain!? Without ME!? Grumping WHY!?” (Snorpy) “I…I-I wish I could tell you.” (Chandlo) “Then tell me! I’m done playing games, dawg. You coulda died up there! And then what would I do, huh??” (Snorpy) “I’m sorry, Chandlo.” (Chandlo) “That was NOT cool. Just…I gotta chill out. You figure out when you’re ready to talk to me.”

Chandlo often insists that he has to be there for Snorpy, and that Snorpy isn't okay without him, but consistently we see it's the opposite way around. While Snorpy has severe mental health problems and anxiety, he's fully capable of being alone. Hence, letting Chandlo go to Brokentooth without him. If things were the other way around, I don't think Chandlo would have been as willing to let Snorpy go.

Moving on from the codependency, there's the miscommunication. I'll be the first to say that the “Snorpy, we've been dating for years.” bit is funny. But if it wasn't funny, it's… really really weird. For the past years has Chandlo just… never had a serious conversation with Snorpy about their relationship? Or did he just assume he knew because he thinks Snorpy is so dependent on him that he wouldn't even consider not thinking their relationship was romantic.

Continuing with the theme of Chandlo Being Really Fucking Weird If You Look Past The Comedy, there's Chandlo's moment. You know the moment. The awe-inspiring, endlessly quotable “LIFTING YOUR CRIB DAWG” scene. It's funny! The visual of him literally lifting the house off the ground is funny! But like. If you think about it for even a second it's pretty concerning behavior for him.

I will fully admit that I'm taking this scene intended to be humorous too seriously. But the idea of a man physically threatening his boyfriend and his personal belongings “for his own good” isn't cute. What was the goal? If Snorpy didn't go outside, what would Chandlo do from there? Whatever you can think of it's probably worse than the situation already is.

Am I saying Chandlo is intentionally malicious or uncaring? Absolutely not. His entire existence is dedicated to loving Snorpy. He would have no character if he didn't care about him. What I'm saying is that while Chandlo tries to be the best boyfriend he can be, his possessiveness, obsession with and arguably forceful control over Snorpy make their relationship far from the couple goals that people portray them as. I need to rag on Snorplo. I am, after all, a very bitter Wigglefunny stan.

Part 3: Chandlo Funkbun, more like Chandlo FunkbunGER am I right guys

Chandlo has a really weird relationship with Bugsnax. Like, the in-universe things and the game. Throughout this section I’m gonna be comparing him to Floofty a lot, because their relationship with Bugsnax makes a lot more sense (and COUGH they’re an actually well written and interesting character COUGH COUGH) as well as Wiggle. She might seem like an oddball here but trust me on this one.

Out of every character, Chandlo asks for the most bugsnax, aside from Floofty. Over the course of the game, Chandlo asks for 3 Cinnasnails, 2 Hunnabees, 3 Aggressive/Meaty Bugsnax, and 1 Mama Mewon, for a total of 9 Snax. Third place is Wiggle with 8, again we’ll get to her later. However, that’s without counting the Brokentooth expedition. In the Isle of Bigsnax DLC, Chandlo asks for another Bunger Royale, Clawbsteroni, Pielobite and Cellystix, for a grand total of 13. He also has a mail quest requesting a Baja Tacroach, being 14, meaning over the course of story events alone, Chandlo is fully snakified by the end of the game. The only other character to be fully Snakified is Floofty, obviously. There’s a massive dung-beetle shaped elephant in the room but I’ll talk about that later aswell.

Full body snakification is a big deal. Not only is it the final, maximum state of snakification (even being the state that kills a grumpus in the ending, if their side quest isn’t complete), but it also represents a full succumbing to Bugsnax. This act is significant in Floofty’s side quest, being a physical representation of the lengths they’re willing to go to for science. Floofty sacrified their body for science, their “soul” for science, if I were to speak in Shelda language. Before this quest, Floofty was on the lighter side of requesting Snax, with them only asking for three (four, the average, if you count the Strabby when you first meet them). Aside from their request of sweet and filling bugsnax during their side quest (which you don’t have to abide by), the Snax Floofty requests are just means to an end. And a way to force you to catch different Snax in Boiling Bay.

Chandlo, meanwhile, doesn’t have this connection to full body Snakification. It isn’t a goal for him. His only goal is to become stronger/bigger, something that he admits himself won’t work during his side quest during the Isle of Bigsnax DLC ¹⁰. Considering that full body snakification is inevitable for Chandlo by the end of the Isle of Bigsnax DLC, you’d think they’d at least try to incorporate it into his storyline, but they didn’t. For a character as boastful and proud of his appearance as Chandlo, you’d really think that a physical transformation (aside from becoming big like he wanted) would affect him more.

Figure 10 “Aw yeah! I can feel the lifting energy inside me. But… I didn’t get bigger at all. I guess I didn’t get huge eating that Big Bunger either. You know what, bro? I’m just gonna admit to myself that it’s not gonna work and move on.”

One could make the argument that Chandlo asking for so many bugsnax is a metaphor for how professional athletes become addicted to steroids that make them feel stronger. This would seem to track with Wiggle aswell, with her potentially representing how famous musicians are also often drug addicts. But it doesn’t really fit with Chandlo after the end of his side quest. He’s supposed to have accepted that he’s never going to be perfect, right? Why does he still ask for so many Bugsnax during the Isle of Bigsnax DLC? Did he not learn anything?

No. Chandlo never learns anything.

Part 4: Chandlo Funkbun, more like Chandlo Never-Learns-Anything-bun

Chandlo has the most useless side quests in the game, because he never goes through meaningful character development. What does Chandlo learn at the end of his side quest, Chandlo Tests His Might? He learns that he’s never going to be literally the strongest dude to ever exist, right? And that he should accept his limits? Maybe in the past, sure, but that’s completely undone by him attempting the exact same thing in the Isle of Bigsnax DLC. He gives up and moves on after his attempt with the Clawbsteroni ¹⁰, so I guess we can ignore that plot thread from now on. Chandlo’s going to learn something NOW, right? What does he have us do next? He… asks for 2 more Bugsnax. So he can have energy. To abandon everyone on Brokentooth Island and go back to Snorpy (seriously are we not going to talk about how he was intending to do that). After having three back to back conversations about Snorpy, Chandlo decides not to abandon everyone on Brokentooth Island and go back to Snorpy. Riveting plotline, Chandlo.

Chandlo is probably the most boring questline of the DLC, because we just don’t learn anything about him. We learn a ton about Snorpy, sure, but not Chandlo. The guy actually here on the expedition. Floofty and Shelda learn to work together and have their whole little thing, while Triffany gets a whole mini arc of her own about learning to talk things through with others and not just cower back. It’s like she takes a leadership role! Honestly, the DLC is where Triffany really shines as a character. But this is an essay about Chandlo, so why am I talking about Triffany?

Oh. Oh yeah.

Cheddaboardle Rex going to Chandlo is one of the most confusing, nonsensical, bewildering writing choices in the entire game. Chandlo’s the only character on the expedition who didn’t meaningfully change. He didn’t even do anything. He didn’t do science or exploration or really help at all. He was there to give us Snorpy lore. Not only that, there’s an incredibly frustrating detail about Chandlo getting the Cheddaboardle Rex. And that’s Mama Mewon.

Chandlo is the only character on the Brokentooth Expedition who has a boss fight. Triffany doesn’t have one, Floofty doesn’t have one, and Shelda doesn’t have one. Floofty and Shelda have their own thing going on, so neither of them really work for it, but that doesn’t apply to Triffany. The Isle of Bigsnax is Triffany’s DLC! Her goal was opening the temple! Everything about this boss, this story, this DLC as a whole is telling us that Triffany should get the Cheddaboardle Rex, but… Chandlo Funkbun is there. And Chandlo Funkbun who never learns anything, who didn’t help at all, who already has a boss associated with him, who is an absolute nothing character, gets the Cheddaboardle Rex

That’s the bit of the essay where I let myself get mad and worked up. It’ll be fully civil from here on out. Actually wait no lemme have this for a second. This is my “The Security System takes control of Squidward’s House” moment.

Ahem.

Chandlo Funkbun is an entirely pointless fucking character not just in the DLC but in the game as a whole. His entire existence is as an extension of Snorpy. It’s all “Oh I gotta get back to Snorpy!! Guys I gotta help Snorpy!! Snorpy would fall apart without me!!” as if Snorpy isn’t a grown ass man who can take care of his damn self for a few days without Chandlo. Chandlo does nothing but take in this game. He takes away from other characters. Any fucking scene he’s in he becomes the focus because Oh It’s Chandlo Funkbun!!! Everyone loves funny Chandlo Funkbun!!! Shelda barely gets her own fucking scene or joke in the ending party because she’s too busy standing next to Chandlo who gets the funny lines and does the funny animation. Actually, Shelda as a whole is fucking wasted on Chandlo as a character. Him being her main follower is cute and all until we never actually get to see her do anything because Chandlo is so fucking incompetent that he can’t understand a word he says and just projects his own meanings onto the stuff she tries to teach him. He takes. He takes from Shelda, he takes from Triffany oh FUCK how much he takes from Triffany. Triffany getting the Cheddaboardle Rex would have been a great end to her arc. She’s taken control and has a leadership role! She should get the fucking boss right? Right? NO it goes to CHANDLO FUNKBUN BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES FUNNY CHANDLO FUNKBUN well I don’t. I don’t love funny Chandlo Funkbun. I think Chandlo Funkbun is a worthless waste of space in this otherwise amazing cast of characters. Everything Chandlo does, another character does better. Need someone stupid? Filbo, or maybe Gramble. Need someone funny? Shelda or Cromdo. Need someone to loredump about Snorpy? Floofty. Need to give Shelda a follower? Gramble! I’ve said so many times Gramble! He would be infinitely more interesting! Need someone to yearn for perfection but never achieve it, with Bugsnax as a metaphor for the peak they think they could reach if only they tried harder? Wiggle. Wiggle Wigglebottom does Chandlo’s arc 20x better than he ever could because she fucking learns something. She doesn’t have a DLC that undoes everything in her character arc. She has the Megamaki. She doesn’t have the Cheddaboardle Rex. She even has a more interesting romantic relationship. Chandlo Funkbun is nothing. Chandlo Funkbun is fucking. Nothing.

Okay, I’ll be civil now.

Part 5: I don’t like Chandlo Funkbun. Who cares?

So, big whoop. I have a big long essay about how Chandlo Funkbun is a poorly written character who is an active detriment to the game and its cast. Now what? I know I’m not gonna change any minds with this thing. Chandlo’s probably the most universally beloved character, and part of a fandom-defining ship. I’m looking into a sea of Snorplo Stannies and telling them that their perfect gayboys are stupid and lame. Well, Snorpy’s alright I can get the appeal with him, but Chandlo’s stupid and lame.

Chandlo’s character could be fixed so easily. Am I saying I know better than a team of writers? Yes. Chandlo could be a character if his arc was about him not being attached to Snorpy. Not giving up on perfection he’ll never achieve (Wiggle does that better anyways) but choosing to become strong for himself, not just for Snorpy. Hell, keep his side quest the same and just make that the message of his Brokentooth quest. It’d be better than him learning (and not retaining) the same lesson twice. Maybe show the cracks in his and Snorpy’s relationship a little. We see conflict with Eggabell and Lizbert, Wambus and Triffany, and don’t get me fucking started on Gramble and Wiggle, but we barely get anything of the obviously problematic relationship between Snorpy and Chandlo. I’m getting mad again. Ugh.

If you like Chandlo, I don’t care. I get the appeal. He’s a silly himbo with a cute storyline. I don’t like Chandlo. I don’t think I’m ever going to like Chandlo again, really. I might warm up to him again, reblog a post or two about him, maybe draw him again (After all, he’s necessary for a lot of Snorpy art given that he’s just Snorpy’s extension), But I’m never going to hold him to the same standard as anyone else. He’s just… a cardboard cutout that you can place next to Snorpy to get a million notes. Am I being too hostile to Snorplo fans? Probably. Sorry, when you’ve been a fan of an unpopular ship this long it starts doing things to your brain.

I don’t think I have a conclusion to this beyond… Chandlo Funkbun is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking Snakpod. That’s right, he took his grumpus fucking furry dick out, and he pissed on my fucking Snakpod, and he said his dick was this big and I said that’s disgusting. So I’m making a callout post on my tumblr dot com. Chandlo Funkbun, you got a small dick, it’s the size of this Poptick except way smaller, and guess what? Here’s what my dong looks like. (bombino explodes) That’s right baby, All points, no fur, no pillows, look at that it looks like two Cheddorbs and a Weenyworm. He fucked my Snakpod so guess what I’m gonna fuck Snaktooth Island. That’s right this is what you get, MY SUPER LASER PISS! Except I’m not gonna piss on Snaktooth. I’m gonna go higher. I’m pissing on BROKENTOOTH! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT FIDDLEPIE, I PISSED ON BROKENTOOTH YOU IDIOT! You have 23 hours before the piss drrrroplets hit the fucking island. Now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too.

#No yeah I completely agree with you after reading this. he’s a seriously flat and static sharacter #his character arc was a line lol #and I think your dislike of the ship is completely reasonable. You can not like something :)#bugsnax #chandlo funkbun #if you get hate for this I’ll beat them up (/hj)

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