#btw if you realize some of this is the same as a youtube comment that's me

[iceglade]

wuk lamat could only have ever been a trans catgirl btw

1.4k words (sorry), dawntrail level 100 spoilers:

thats like the whole point when the dawntrail final arc antagonists are examinations/deconstructions the traditional gender roles. btw.

consider where mamook is in the story. consider who gulool ja ja is to tural.

ive been workshopping an essay about how a few of dawntrail's themes are connected, i think theres an in depth conversation that can be had...

95-100 cannot be separated from the cultural context that came before it , regarding the spirituality of Living Memory, sure, but also regarding legacy and filling the legendary gulool ja ja's shoes™ with mamook being where it is as the lid on a jar that was being filled the entire time to complete a jar mini ecosystem before we crack it open 30 years later in heritage found to see whats grown inside.

dawntrail doesnt go into sexism but it does go into racism, it does go into the psyche of the people who IN REAL WORLD TERMS want rich white men to be the ruling class and the people who arent traditional men who still support that concept. its all connected

like the WHOLE FIRST HALF OF THE GAME WAS ABOUT THE SECOND HALF OF THE GAME AND VICE VERSA GO BACK AND REPLAY THE FIRST PART PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. you NEED to learn about your culture and your traditions and your history and you NEED to embrace change and growth and outsider perspectives DO NOT TOSS ONE OUT FOR THE OTHER. THEY NEED TO WORK TOGETHER TO FILL THE IDEAL, REAL OR NOT, THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO FUFILL.

MAMOOK LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON ME and the solution presented was learn about one another. understand one another. know their problems. offer and accept help from outside perspectives and grow. which while neither perfect nor fully realized is a lot more than ive ever seen a video game do ever lol. history of war, lack of sunlight, difficulty with getting food, self inflicted self perpetuating community trauma, shunning outsiders, clinging to a status quo so toxic that its actively killing both adults and children - all of these are deeply, undeniably connected.

so.

i grew up in the south.. y'all know how it is!! in some places its BAD down here!!

BUILDING FROM THAT,

IMAGINE YOU LEARNED ALL THOSE LESSONS.

heritage found says okay, we did that. we listened to each other, we learned. we improved. and we did not force this growth upon anyone who didnt want it. we DIDNT abandon our culture or tradition. and STILL our problems persist!! people still die and to keep them alive we have to remember them but it hurts. it still hurts to mourn them. we are still haunted by our past and the burdens we inherited

THIS PLOT IS SOOOO STEEPED IN REAL WORLD CULTURAL PHENOMENON. BTW. THE SENSITIVITY READERS ARE OWED A CUT OUT OF EVERY DOLLAR SQUENIX GETS OFF OF THIS FOR THE REST OF TIME. AAGHH

CAUSE THIS COULDVE BEEN SO BAAADDDD , AND INSTEAD, I LOVVEEEED IT

idk...!!!!! i love living memory as an escalation of the idea that if they're remembered they never really die, but it hurts to remember. (GO BACK AND HANG OUT WITH THE YOK HUY RIGHT NOWWW) this is something real world people live by. was talking abt this with some friends and one of them mentioned living memory's color scheme "being the same orange being associated with ofrendas" in the same conversation where we were just. absorbing how deeply horrifying uploading your loved ones' memory to the cloud os (the wording used was, "the excision of memories of the dead"). one youtube comment said its like playing records of the dead and imagining they're alive again. i am haunted by erenville and graha - "i dont wish they were here again, i just wish they never died"

living memory is "if they're remembered they never really die" twisted to its illogical extreme.

the weight of that spirituality is no mistake. and shutting it down because is SUCH an ethically devastating thing to have to do even on top of your friends' parents passing on and you thinking the place was idk pretty or something (cause it rlly was) what the fuck what the fuuck

theres so much in this expansion about learning about and respecting other cultures and offering aid when its hurting others and themselves

which like makes me nervous for the patch quests btw because we need to talk about, that, vs , this is how we honor our dead

we had to shut it down because it was an active threat and was going to go nuclear but that was how they honored their dead

but i do trust this story. so i look forward to it.

all this to say i think it would be a misstep to have us go "hey dont do the soul thing do this instead". just as much as it would have been a HUGE misstep to have us be the protagonist of this expansion instead of lamat'yi.

AND FOR THE RECORD WUK HAD TO BE THE PROTAGONIST OF DAWNTRAIL FOR THIS REASON. I STAND BY THAT.

fuuuck, flaws and all, i love this game.

i have more to say about sphene and zoraal ja hold on this is all relevant to the original premise trust me.

SO YEAH.

but yeah its no surprise that

1. sphene, a traditionally feminine uwu perfect angel princess queen of REASON

2. (erenville voice) Zoraal Ja, The Warmongerer, Mine Is The Power Mine Is The Path, I Must Surpass My Man-The-Textbooks-Teach-About Father burnt out gifted oldest child king of RESOLVE

are DIRECTLY IN OPPOSITION to

1. wuk lamat, catgirl naruto young and dumb shonen protagonist with a big heart and an open mind warrior princess vow of RESOLVE

2. and koana, emotionally reserved well-studied STEM club vp advanced placement poly catboy vow of REASON

there are people who do not fit the stereotype who are suffering trying to achieve it who want it to end, and then there are people who Double Down.

regarding everyone who lives in tuliyollal and the extremely diverse area of tural, it cannot be stressed enough how Gulool Ja Ja is the guy they write the textbooks about. he is the perfect adventurer who traveled the world and united the people. in the context of the story he is the man on the cover of the fantasy novel ripped shirt rippling abs two swords and all. imagine being his gifted full of potential son ON TOP OF how insane being an oldest child makes you PLUS The War thats why zoraal ja is like that.

i love love love sphene. sphene is using zoraal ja. shes based off of the ideal of the sweet beloved disney princess/queen. she was using his agency like a weapon and her lack of agency as a shield and when he turned against her own people , which he said very clearly that he would do, wuk tells her that she needs to actually help the people she loves and do what she can do, and she interprets that from there - it just so happens that "true to herself" puts her in direct opposition to the person who was encouraging her to be that way.

for the homestuck fans shes a muse and hes a lord IM BEGGING YOU DONT CLICK OUT PLEASE LET ME FINISH MY SENTA

WUK AND KOANA WILL NOT FILL THE SHOES OF THE IDEAL MAN LEADER IN THE EYES OF THOSE WHO WANT A MORE TRADITIONAL LEADER UNTIL THEY MARCH UPON THEIR CASTLE AND STRIKE THEM DOWN WITH THE SAME HATRED THAT THEY STRUCK THE PAST GENERATION DOWN, zoraal ja says, in no uncertain terms

and zoraal ja is wrong.

they repel the second attack on tuliyollal because they ask for help. wuk DOES get a good hit on zoraal ja in heritage found. and zoraal ja throws away the ultimatum he himself delivered by throwing away his army, kidnapping his son, overdosing on aether, and leaving the moment its clear that brute force is not going to take wuk lamat's community away from her.

and sphene cant use him as an excuse anymore.

sphene was programmed to do ANYTHING to accomplish an infinitely increasingly difficult goal. she who cursed me with this soft and powerless nature. my desire to protect my people transcends all others. is there no way to make peace with tuliyollal? if it were you, could you have found a better way? i cant bear to lose them - not again!

there will only ever be more dead, forever.

i rlly want to go into that but its a completely separate topic for another time i just.. love these characters. i love what theyve done with this place.

but no parts 1 and 2 are the same part. dont discard tradition, dont reject innovation. wuk lamat put it best

@ bakool ja ja

@ sphene

what do YOU want? beyond the stereotype your community wanted you to fill?

[atztranspm]

Wooyoung PM 4 : 07/27/23

(Wooyoung did a live with no messages)

He started the live and waited a little for some more people to join and started looking at the comments. He read a few hear and there. He said he wanted to a live since the last one he did was in Saudia Arabia. He said he was on break from doing fan calls so he did a live.

He said that he saw atiny really liked when he danced S-Class by stray kids back when they preformed in madrid. He said that he was was supposed to film a dance challenge with Changbin but since their schedules didn't match up, they couldn't (he dropped this on me and now I'm tearing up. Wym we could have gotten changbin and wooyoung dancing to s-class and maybe bouncy together 😭😭😭😭)

Lots of atiny were telling him to be careful cuz it was really hot and he said, that he doesn't really leave to go out much so he hadn't even realized. (He just like me, we are the same 🤩🤞)

Many atiny were asking if his waterbomb outfit would be revealing and to reveal something but he said he would not be doing that. (Yall can barely handle a sliver of fore arm, and you want him half naked on stage 🤨📸��)

Someone asked what he was wearing today and he got up to show us his outfit "it's cute right?" Did a little 360 of the fit and then showed us his shoes. He said these are the ones everyone makes fun of him for wearing cuz they're really big and Chunky (he can stomp on me we those tanks on his feet and I'd be grateful)

Someone ask he was doing and he said that he's in good condition. He is eating right and taking care of himself. He said he gained a little weight recently and was trying to lose it. He said he looks in the mirror sometimes and wonders what an idol should look like and if he fits the description (I'm in tears omg) he said he had to lose weight in order for him to feel like he fits the idol category and to his best (wooyoung got me all emotional. I saw people not taking him seriously on twitter an yall- I'm upset. Please give them lots of love and praise) he said his eyes look bigger cuz his face sinks in when he loses weight. He laughed it off when fans were worried for him. He said that if we're worried now when he hasn't lost much weight, what should he do.

There was a lot of comments asking for waterbomb spoilers and he said it would be no fun if he were to spoil it. He said to look foward to it.

He said that the staff feeds them well and he had abura soba (see now I want to try it)

He was wearing glasses on his head and some atiny asked about it. He said that there's a glare from the light and it bothered him so he put them on his head instead. He said their normal glasses not sunglasses.

He spoke a little about his family, I think someone asked about kyungmin, but he said he hadn't seen his brothers or mom (in person) in a while.

Someone asked about ayun and arin (the two babies they played with on that show...I forgot the name...hold on.....baby cloud? You can watch it on YouTube, it's super cute) and he said that seonghwa, san and him were thinking of going to visit them because he missed them a lot (me when I start sobbing cuz that's literally so cute u don't understand, I'm clutching my chest)

He said he was going to upload pics on insta later (he posted them already btw)

He spoke a little about his hair, he said he had grown it out quite a bit. He played with it a little. He said he hadn't cute it since he dyed it black back in halazia era. He hasn't even thought of cutting it and probably won't. He said he wants it to reach his chin and then he'll keep it at that length.

He said when he cuts his hair, he's going to dye it blonde first. He has set plans for his hair. He said he spent so long trying to grow his hair out that it would be a shame to just cut it off now. But in the future sometime. (Blonde wooyoung making a comeback is all I need)

After that he said he had to go back to doing fancalls so he ended the live with a little babaiii <3

(I aspire to be like wooyoung, he's literally my soulmate idc)

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hey there, it's Ray from Youtube! Thank you so much again for your response to my exceptionally long message, I really appreciate that you took so much time to reply to me! I watched your worldbuilding video and read the blog post you linked, and it actually helped me solve a major remaining issue in my magic system, so thank you for that as well! Anyway — I think one of the main reasons I've been struggling so much is because I'm not great at revision, so I feel like everything needs to (cont.)

(continued from previous) be at least pretty good on my first try. This is another hurdle for me in writing my book series, which is heightened by its closeness to my heart. Right now, I feel like I can't let myself write the first scene before I know exactly what the inside of the protagonist's home looks like, which I've never done for any of my other works. There are definitely still things I need to plan, but I know I'm overpreparing. In your reply to me, you (cont— last one, I promise!)

(cont.) mentioned that allowing yourself to be imperfect (which I think I prefer over "purposefully writing badly") and prioritizing joy helped you finally cross the hurdle for the project where you had the same issue as me. What helped you specifically take that first step of starting? Also - thank you again for replying and offering to chat with me! BTW, I love your published work - it's so unique. You have such incredible imagination & voice. Can't wait to read one of your books!

This answer was longer than I thought, so I've put it under the cut! TL;DR - I discuss overcoming perfectionism in writing, drafting and editing anxiety, and what drove me to work on my perfectionism!

Hi Ray, thank you so much for reaching out! First: thank you for your kind words about my writing, your support is so appreciated! <3 :)

I'm also SO happy to hear about the magic system thing, I'm happy the video was helpful! Onto your ask!

I think one of the main reasons I've been struggling so much is because I'm not great at revision, so I feel like everything needs to be at least pretty good on my first try.

I hear you about needing things to be perfect on the first try because you're not super set on your revision skills just yet--coincidentally, this is an issue I was thinking of yesterday, as someone who was also in this exact position!

I think I'll make a video about this, because from the comments on the "scared of my book" video, this seems to be an issue a LOT of writers have (including me)! From the majority of writers I've met IRL and online, most who struggle with perfectionism do it for one of two reasons (or some from both): a) you aren't confident you can revise, and/or b) you're afraid of judgement.

Let's break down A since that's what you noted!

A: Writer feels they need to write perfectly on the first go because they're not confident in their editing abilities.

This is a super normal reaction to a very typical problem in writing, and will especially become relevant the longer you write (and see yourself improving, since improvement can sometimes create expectations--which is another problem)!

It's funny, because we can't get better at revision if we don't practice revision. This issue stopped me from writing my book Feeding Habits because I was like... "this needs to be perfect on the first go." Looking back, I'm not sure why I thought that, but I now realize it's because back then, I didn't even know how to approach revision.

Not knowing how to revise is NORMAL! It's such a different skill to drafting, so these feelings are very, very valid (and every writer I know has had them). The hard truth though, is that if a writer doesn't practice revision, they won't get better at it. It took me the hard way to realize this (a year after writing a solid chunk of Feeding Habits to realize it needed structural revisions). Funnily enough, revising those chapters I refused to revise because I needed them to be perfect on the first try (even though they weren't) taught me 20x more than trying to perfect their drafts on the first go.

Right now, I feel like I can't let myself write the first scene before I know exactly what the inside of the protagonist's home looks like, which I've never done for any of my other works. There are definitely still things I need to plan, but I know I'm overpreparing.

Overpreparing is something I used to do a LOT out of anxiety that my work would turn out imperfectly (and again, I think this is so common--you're absolutely not alone). The moment I addressed that I was overprepping to quell my anxiety was when I actually could take steps toward deprogramming that behaviour. I slowly realized that I DIDN'T need to know everything in order to write, so why was I even trying to learn everything in the first place? It was because I was so anxious that if I didn't, I'd have a bigger chance at "messing up" and I couldn't mess up because I didn't know how to revise (see point A)!

In your reply to me, you mentioned that allowing yourself to be imperfect... and prioritizing joy helped you finally cross the hurdle for the project where you had the same issue as me. What helped you specifically take that first step of starting?

The reason I noted the things above before answering your question is because they're really important context. I really feel for what you're experiencing because I honestly went through the same thing, and I'm happy to help any writers!

CW here: discussions of mental health

To answer the question of why I began prioritizing my joy and being okay with being imperfect, I should give some context, because this is honestly the truth: I pretty much had to!

I started experiencing really debilitating perfectionism in mid 2018-ish (I was 16). I'd made a genre switch toward literary fiction and also felt like I'd solidified my "writing style." The genre switch and finding my writing style were hugely positive things for my process! Who doesn't want to find a genre they like to write, and who doesn't want to find their writing style?

The issue was that when I became conscious that I'd made developments as a writer (and what felt like huge developments), the more petrified I was of accidentally "reversing" them by writing something "bad." If I could talk to myself back then, I would just say one thing: you can't reverse your accomplishments in writing. I would go on to write bad paragraphs, bad sentences, bad chapters, bad books! My style got convoluted, my literary fiction became confusing and shallow. But I never, ever lost the overall accomplishments of finding my style and finding a genre I loved (I also experienced extremely positive things in my writing too!).

Writing isn't linear progression (sometimes I look back at things I wrote 4 years ago and am certain I couldn't recreate that now), but you do progress overall. It's like climbing a really, really steep hill, where sometimes you might slip or take a longer path because you turned the wrong way, etc, but at the end of it, you're still moving up.

This gets me all the way to nearly mid-2021, when I was still badly struggling with perfectionism. In this three year stretch, I was really struggling with my mental health, but this kind of felt like a tipping point where I felt very trapped in a routine I didn't want to be in anymore. I was struggling to get through days even though my external life was totally fine, and I was also very, very unhappy I remember posting videos to my channel that summer, and sometimes I'd get comments saying, "you look so happy/good/excited" and I never knew what to say because I felt very empty and no one except me could tell!

Struggling with writing was the LAST thing I needed (because writing is my safe space, and it was starting to become hellish due to my perfectionism, so I felt like I had no safe space left--this was detrimental and I knew it FAST, when my feelings worsened). So to answer the question, I was prompted to take the first steps of changing my process and perfectionism because I was struggling, and I'm not sure what would've happened if I hadn't!

However, I don't remember a single moment where I was like, "I'm going to turn my life around today," but I remember there being moments where I'd be thinking to myself, "I don't want writing to be like this anymore," or, "I'm just going to make this easier by doing this," or "I'm going to try to move past this." Instead, the changes were subtler, or at the very least took some pondering to make.

I had been working on a 10k word chapter in Feeding Habits for half a year, and decided, after weeks of contemplating, to remove it. That freed up my process a bit! I then started telling myself whenever a voice in my head would go "this is so bad" while drafting that "it's okay if this isn't perfect, I'm going to move on," and 10 times out of 10, I'd come back a day later, read what I wrote, and make very little changes because the draft was much better than I thought. I then did a bigger thing by rewriting a chapter entirely from the book, which I'd NEVER done. It took me a month of working at it little by little (and constant reminders that I didn’t need to perfect it), but at the end of it, I felt much better about the book. All these very small things I was doing were a covert way to tell myself that trusting myself was okay! If I gave myself permission to move on from line-level perfectionism while drafting, I was pretty much telling myself that I accepted the draft where it was, and could always come back and tweak it later (even if I couldn't do a perfect job then).

I'd built up a bit more confidence doing these things, as I'd gotten used to letting "imperfect" drafts lie around (some of which I have hardly touched since, as they were totally fine to begin with and didn't need lots of revision to begin with). A HUGE thing that helped me that year was writing 11k words of a fantasy novel (brand new genre to me) in one day. I'd barely planned the book, knew nothing about the genre, etc, but having this extreme goal really forced me to face my fears of imperfection early on (as I'd make a decision at 1PM that day and then realize I'd have to fix it at 6PM that day when I made another decision that contradicted it, etc). This is pretty extreme, but it did help me so much, because I learned to sit in the discomfort of knowing the draft wasn't perfect but moving on anyway.

Practicing this grace of allowing myself to fail in incremental steps has built me up into a much, much stronger writer a year and a half later. I look back on that time and I'm kind of shocked as to where my mind was regarding my writing, because things have changed SO much!

It's funny to say, "all this took was allowing myself to make mistakes" because it makes it sound like giving yourself permission to be imperfect is easy. It's absolutely NOT. Every time I draft, there's a moment where my brain is like, "hey this is bad," but I've gotten into the habit of then calmly telling myself "hey it's okay if this isn't perfect, I'm going to keep going now." Just as much as writing is practice, editing is practice, etc, shaking perfectionism is practice and something I now do every day. It becomes easier each day I do it.

For example, a couple months ago, I was reading books from a writer I really admire, and I was quite literally feeling extremely inadequate about my writing. I was shocked to feel this way, because it'd been over a year since I last felt so badly about my work, but instead of letting that drive my process, I took the skills I'd learned and applied them. I reminded myself that I was writing a first draft, and that what I was reading was a published book--that's like comparing apples to oranges. I reminded myself that I have my own style and my own approach to writing, so of course my writing isn't going to be the same as another writer's. I also reminded myself that if I REALLY was unhappy with how something turned out, I could rewrite it or revise it at a different time. Then I moved on. Couple hours later, I had one of the best writing sessions of my life.

So the practice really has paid off for me, even though it was SO hard! 2022 was the best year I've had for writing maybe ever because I felt so much freer than I have before! I only wrote things that made me excited (and this doesn't mean writing was smooth sailing 100% of the time--it just means that I was still relatively passionate about something even if it was giving me issues). Learning to trust myself as a writer over the last year and a bit is the best thing I've done for my process because it's made me SO MUCH more confident. So what if I write badly? I don't care anymore (or at least as much, and sometimes not at all)! So what if I embarrass myself? It's not as big of deal to me anymore, and if it is, I can talk myself through those feelings (example: I posted a video reading excerpts of my book on YouTube, and 2 days ago, was re-reading one of the excerpts and was SOOO embarrassed that other people had read this, but then took 30 seconds to talk myself through the issue by reminding myself this video was for fun, the excerpt makes me feel excited, and that I actually do like it even though I'm uncomfortable in this moment knowing other people could judge it, positively or negatively).

Anyway, I know this was SUPER long, but I just wanted to share the full breadth of my thoughts. I wonder if you'd mind if I made a video on this topic because it's something I haven't talked about in-depth before!

Wishing you all the best, Ray, I absolutely believe in you! Always feel free to reach out, my DMs are also open! <3

[3rddimension]

I’m going anon cause I don’t want to get harassed on my main blog for what I’m gonna ask here. Why is it so important to know if two celebrities are dating? I love Shayne and Courtney but I don’t ship them or any other real people cause to me it feels invasive, but I kinda would like to know what goes through fans who do need this kind of go out of their way to confirm that they are right. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really affect us and it probably makes the cast be overly cautious of what they post in fear of being misinterpreted or getting their actual relationship outed when they aren’t ready for it to go fully public.

Hey! it’s chill here. Most of the ask here is anon anyway. Let me start by explain a bit of myself first:

So I'm super recently know Smosh and both Courtney & Shayne. (I'll called them C & S) My first exposure to Smosh is on TNTL#106 (Released on Oct 26th 2022) because of Funhaus collab. Which I watched them regularly.

After that, I start watching others Funhaus collab and saw both C & S and instantly found that they have a very unique chemistry. So I decided to explore further more and start falling in love with them. At first, I thought that they're already couple until I found "Sucks At Dating" video series that make me realized they're singles back then. lmao

Then, I start follow C & S on their social to get to know them better and saw that C has YouTube channel and just restart posting vlog after 3 years hiatus. Of course I jump in and watch. After watching S's TikTok and C's vlog, I start seeing the same room all over their video. That's when I first realized that Shourtney might be real.

Let's explain the origin of proof post. I'm mostly using Tumblr as my fandom expression. When I arrived here, Shourtney tag is basically a graveyard. Not a lot of people rarely using it anymore. So I decided to create the post after I saw that Tumblr post:

At first, the post is just this photo and bunch of things that I noticed in their video. But somehow there's still people checking Shourtney tag and found my post. They start sending me to fans IG that post even more proof and stuff. (Which from my standpoint, I really don't like that they put it there because both C & S used IG regularly.) Then it became what the post is today. Which I will ONLY posting the photo or video that they're will to share.

That's about it from me! Let go to your question. Imma go by Q&A bullet point here:

Q: Why is it so important to know if two celebrities are dating?

A: So, after spending time in this fandom. A lot of people here just loved their chemistry and their interaction together and want them to be happy. But in the back of our mind, if they're not dating we should respect their decision and just appreciated those moment that we can see in the video. So when we finally know that they're really dating, we just happy that they're happy and looking for more thing that they're willing to share with us. (Which they recently do btw)

Q: I love Shayne and Courtney but I don’t ship them or any other real people cause to me it feels invasive.

A: Yeah at first we don't really do shipping because real people shipping is MOSTLY IMPOSSIBLE to happen and we want to respect them. But if you watch old SmoshCast. There's a discussion about Shourtney shipping that they talk about. Synopsis is below:

They basically doesn't care if anyone ship them and C was also in shipping situation also. Also, if you're watching C anon Q&A that just released recently. She answered the question that is Shourtney fans annoyed her or not. Which she answer that it's not. (There's also a comment about cyberstalking which happened before my time here. I can do some recap from what I know if anyone interested.)

Q: I kinda would like to know what goes through fans who do need this kind of go out of their way to confirm that they are right.

A: After spending time in the fandom, you will find people who love Shourtney but they don't know that it's real and I hope my post can be of help in this fandom.

Btw, there's also a Shourtney denier. Which they cannot accept that they're really together. They lurked around social and try to shutdown the discussion about them. Even if they start not hiding anything anymore.

Q: At the end of the day, it doesn’t really affect us and it probably makes the cast be overly cautious of what they post in fear of being misinterpreted or getting their actual relationship outed when they aren’t ready for it to go fully public.

A: Yup, it doesn't affect me or others. Which is why we're chilling here and not like think about them 24/7. (There's some shitty people ask that cross the line before and I just shut them down immediately)

Also, they start to don't give a fuck about sharing now. Like last 2-3 weeks. She started posting their selfie like 2-3 photos in the photo dump and another double date selfie with Shelby and her boyfriend. If you look back to last year. You will NEVER see this kind of content from them ever.

Finally, If you watch her community Q&A. There's a question about if she's willing to share her dating life or not. She answered that she's mostly an open book but right now she's on her own pace and everything that she post is for the reason. So you can get that she start to get comfortable to share with us now.

That's pretty much it! If you have anymore question you can send through the ask. I don't care if it's anon or not. Happy to answer the question.

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

I posted 1,904 times in 2022

121 posts created (6%)

1,783 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@joey-wheeler-official

@criptochecca

@radiofreederry

@demilypyro

@artemisagapetos

I tagged 1,901 of my posts in 2022

#... - 1,569 posts

#welp - 562 posts

#yes - 451 posts

#ok - 120 posts

#.... - 99 posts

#eh - 59 posts

#what - 52 posts

#lol - 35 posts

#no - 33 posts

#damn - 27 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#you want to make dumb allegory about aborted fetuses having souls at least go full unhinged and say your benevolent god sends them to hell

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

ALRIGHT, WHO ELSE HAD "TODD HOWARD SAYS TRANS RIGHTS" ON THEIR 2022 BINGO CARD?

(He's defending the creator of Bloodborne Demake btw).

EDIT: UPDATE, the screenshot within the screenshot seems to be of a YouTube comment, which makes the validity of this dubious. However, the main screenshot is still of Lilith Walther, the creator of the Bloodborne Demake that is being defended by "Todd."

My best guess is this is a joke and I misunderstood it with it being about the real Todd Howard, in which case I'm sorry for having mistakingly joined the war on misinformation on the side of misinformation.

Zero net gain post.

331 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

#4

See the full post

376 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

#3

I just realized.

Leshy uses female nouns when referring to the player in act 1 if you're using a language with gendered nouns like Italian.

Leshy doesn't know anything about Luke until Po3 gets access to his hard disk in Act 3.

Leshy thinks Luke is Kaycee.

Leshy thinks Luke is his mother, his friend, his challenger, returned to play once more with him after she left him to slumber, alone in the woods.

Until he realizes she isn't, until he realizes she is dead, watching Luke's videos on his camera, as he's about to be erased, as he shakes Luke's hand, and by Proxy, Kaycee's.

But at the same time, even as he's erased, even as the Great Transcendence happens, there is a spark of hope in this.

Magnificus mentions, in his final battle, how both he and Luke are about to meet their maker. This is not just about Luke dying, but also Magnificus and the Other Scrybes.

And their maker is Kaycee.

Who's to say, that after the great transcendence happened, Leshy woke up, infinite copies of him inside infinite games, inside his cabin, as he faces Kaycee, his maker, again, over and over, just like before, as everyone in the world play her mod, just like she wished, to show the world her great work and Leshy's?

And maybe he knows this is just an illusion, a time loop, not the true him, not the true Kaycee...

But who cares? He's having fun, he's entertaining people, he's being challenged, and most importantly...

He's with his friend again.

And that's honestly enough some times.

529 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

#2

So, Bethesda decided to update Skyrim for no reason to "fix bugs," specifically the "Mannequins move at night" bug we've been having for 11 years, and apparently this update, mandatory on consoles, has DESTROYED the game modding wise, consoles are in shambles, and SKSE is fucked, the team is trying their best to weather the storm for AE players but as always REMEMBER TO DISABLE SKYRIM UPDATES ON STEAM, AND KEEP A BACKUP COPY OF SKYRIM 1.59 SOMEWHERE WHERE TODD CAN'T REACH IT.

This has been a PSA.

1,965 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I hate this thing with a burning passion WHAT THE FUCK???

3,174 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[tarabyte3]

That is so valid of you. ❤️ Because dear fucking god 🥵

(This got way too long for a comment response, so I decided to do a whole post response to share my own Andy journey for everyone.)

I've always had a *bit* of a crush on him after watching the interviews and "making of" in the special features of the Extended Editions of the LotR because he was so funny and physical. In that "Oh, Andy Serkis is such a great actor! Very talented. Seems like a cool dude" way. (Yes. I am a fucking idiot.)

So any time I saw he was in a movie afterwards, I would go, "Oh, Andy Serkis is in/worked on this?? Definitely watching that. Also watching that interview I see on twitter/Facebook/YouTube for sure. Just because he's so brilliant and I like hearing him talk about movies. Yeah..." Which is why I saw King Kong, Adventures of Tintin, and Rise of the Planet of the Apes in theaters 😅 Or why I immediately watched The Ritual on Netflix because he was an executive producer (incredible movie btw), and why I was so hopeful for Snoke as a big bad in Star Wars (🙄). Or why I've seen some of his random other movies before. (Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll hit the non-performance capture Andy itch and my love of biopics about messy, disaster musicians lol)

But I am also a grey asexual/Demi romantic, so I don't always realize what "oh, I think that person is interesting" means. Little physical crushes, sure. But the BIG crushes where it's not just physical attraction, but an admiration/affection for a person? Then I am a dumbass. Gillian Anderson was the same way for me, and she is my other big celebrity love. Adored her since the late 90s, didn't realize why until like 2016 ("I just love Scully, she was a big influence on me growing up" 🙄🙄 I had like a dozen Gillian posters, y'all 🤦🏻‍♀️). With my own husband I didn't catch on as to why I looked forward to talking to him more than I did my other friends.

It also meant I didn't even realize I was bisexual until I was like 30! Aka I should ask myself more often: "hey dumbass, why's that do you think?" Because being on the ace spectrum can be really frustrating and confusing. 😭

I remember being intrigued by Andy during Age of Ultron and Black Panther like "oh 👀" but I didn't think much of it. (Again, my brain and libido need to warm up like an old CRT monitor or I need to be slapped in the face with it like hitting a TV to get an antenna signal to clear up.) I also didn't see The Batman right away, but only because I've been burned out on superhero movies. (I'm a few years behind on Marvel content except Hawkeye, who is my favorite comic book superhero so I made an exception for the semi adaptation of Matt Fraction's Clint and Kate).

It wasn't until Kino pushed Melshi against the wall in episode 8 of Andor that I had the glass shattering moment of "AW FUCK. WAIT I THINK HE'S HOT? I HAVE HAD A CRUSH ON ANDY SERKIS FOR HOW LONG?! HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS."

...this probably explains a lot about "I Want You to Show Me Weak" for some of you, actually lmfao.

But once that veil was lifted from my eyes, I had like, 20 years of screaming to do. I screamed a lot at my IRL friends, my online friends, and my poor husband. Then I wrote fanfiction. And when that wasn't enough, I dragged my ass here to step out from lurking after hiding in the Tumblr shadows for over a decade to scream into the void.

So here we are! Now I have some awesome new friends and mutuals I can scream with and I appreciate the hell out of you all. ❤️ I'm late to the party because I can't read directions, but by god, I got here eventually.

So anyway, here's Wonderwall some gifs. 😉

This was the one that did me in (not quite the first time I watched it, but the seeds were definitely planted). I've always loved Andy because of his involvement and with "The Lord of the Rings" films (as I love everyone involved with them), so there was already a great deal of affection built in.

Then two years ago I decided to do a rewatch of the entire Marvel catalogue (since we were in yet another COVID lockdown) and when I got to "Black Panther" this time I instantly went "Oh. OH FUCK." Even just his fucking swagger kills me. And since then we've gotten Alfred, and then Kino?? My god, man can a girl have a break??? 🥵 (Spoiler: I don't actually want one)

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Tear Drop: Initial Thoughts

Hey, Venus here again with my off the cuff and early morning/late night theory! 

So, on the whole, I feel like Tear Drop gave us a lot less to work with than All Knowing and All Agony. AKAA had a lot of new information as well as some really clear graphics, whereas this one I feel like expands upon stuff I was already pretty sure about. In any case, I’m going to do about the same thing that I did with Haruka and go through my various thoughts and overall standing on Yuno.

Yuno is being portrayed as a cat for some reason.

At the beginning of the MV (0:15), we see a cat silhouette in white light turn into a silhouette of Yuno with the cat ears like hairstyle. I have actually no idea what this is supposed to mean, but figured I’d toss it out there.

Yuno has stopped seeing things through rose colored glasses.

The rose colored glasses initially show up on the stuffed animal she receives as a gift from one of her lovers. The stuffed animal looks at Yuno through these, probably reflecting her clients; the clients see her through rose colored glasses as the “poor naive little girl.”

However, she takes those glasses for most of the MV, seemingly looking at her work through them. Look at this! Her work gets her money, and it’s not all so bad. Clearly, it’s fine. 

Obviously, this is a bit of a front as she cries and the song is called Tear Drop. At the end, after she breaks the rose colored glasses and starts looking at reality, she seems much happier, right? She’s breaking free.

Yuno doesn’t think of her clients like real people and establishes no connection with them.

The thing that interested me the most here was how the different Yunos interact with each other. At the beginning, the Yuno in lingerie (who I'll be calling the real Yuno here) seems almost mad on behalf of the Yuno dressed in white, who appears like nothing more than a doll (0:59). Then, the two Yunos go to bed. Later on in the video, though, the Yuno in white gives a cold real Yuno a blanket (2:07). 

I think that the white Yuno is basically a doll to her, given that it's a front that lacks personality. The scene where they go to bed illustrates that there's no emotional connection there, that it's just her by herself emotionally in those moments. However, as the blanket scene illustrates, Yuno gets what she needs from the relationship: assets in the form of money, and perhaps more importantly, warmth. 

 Yuno's first MV had a focus on "let's reload the warmth," and there's a similar idea behind the line at 2:24: "the fading warmth makes me anxious again." A blanket is a perfect symbol for Yuno, because in her line of work, warmth seems to equal survival. She needs warmth to stay alive. Here in Milgram, she's become cold. I wonder what that'll mean?

Yuno probably had a lot of abortion scares and did nothing to change it.

I’m still not sure about that “hellish” comment, but this is the best I can come up with, really. 

Saturn saw a note by @snakeroll​ that I totally agree with. At 2:45, the windows behind Yuno look like this: 

They look like pregnancy tests. However, because pregnancy tests are usually one line for not pregnant and two lines for pregnant, these are probably tests that are coming back negative.

Still, the fact that she’s seemingly taken at least four negative pregnancy tests if not more means that Yuno is regularly worried about the concept. That means she’s probably not really using much of any contraceptives and has to check basically after every single time.

Assuming Yuno does eventually get pregnant, that does show some irresponsibility on her part. Still, especially if it’s abortion, I still don’t really see how that could possibly stack up to the real murder that others have committed...?

If anyone gets the shots at 2:15 or 2:21, let me know. I feel like they mean something important, but I don’t really get what.

Vampire???

The Yuno vampire cover was really weird, and more importantly, the cover for vampire is in Yuno’s MV. Is this symbolizing the cover getting more important? Is it emphasizing the vampire aspect, that Yuno is gaining by taking away from others? I’m not sure what it’s doing there, but it’s making me uncomfortable.

Current vote: INNOCENT

I don’t see what Yuno did wrong??

Right now, I feel like she’s in a state of self loathing because she feels she, as an unapologetic woman who’s had to use herself to get what she needs, cannot possibly be innocent or forgiven by society. I disagree.

I want to tell Yuno she’s valid! Barring something terrible in the audio drama, I’m currently intending to continue her on her innocent path.

Let me know what y’all think!!

[whiteqnn]

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader

Summary: Sean invites one of his good friends - Y/N - to play with him and the group. She has a lot of fun with them, but at the same time is too oblivious, too nice, and too pure to notice that one particular Among Us player has taken a liking to her the moment he heard her voice...

Notes: Hello everyone! This is the very first time I’m publishing something bigger in here, I’m honestly still figuring out how Tumblr works, even though I’ve had this account for quite some time now 😅. That being said, please don’t expect anything super impressive. I tried my best though just so you know. 🥺

A/N- It didn’t turn out as I expected, but I really hope at least some of you find it enjoyable :(

Y/C/N - your channel name

part 2

part 3 

part 4 

part 5 

PURE [1]

“Did you guys find anybody?” Felix asked, as the number of players still showed just 7 of them. They could just start now, but the game would be way more fun with a full lobby. 

“Yeah, Lily’s joining. I just texted her the code, so she should be here at any moment.” Sykkuno replied after receiving a text message from the said girl. “Oh, and Corpse also said he’d be joining soon.” 

“Great. Anyone else?”

 “I think Jack was also bringing someone, right?” Dave asked.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I have one coming, she’ll join us in a few” the asked man replied at the same moment Lily’s character appeared in the lobby. 

“Who you’re bringing Jack?” 

“Y/N” he said, causing Felix to gasp in shock and yell into his mic:

“How the fuck did you manage to convince her? I’ve been bugging her about this game for the past week and she always had some excuse!” 

“What can I say, my charm is irresistible” Jack replied nonchalantly, causing everyone in the lobby to laugh at his fake deep voice.

The number of participants changed to 9, as a little black astronaut with horns on his helmet appeared in the lobby. 

“Corpse, you’re here!” Rae’s character ran up to the man, circling him excitedly. 

“Hey man!”

“What’s up, Corpse?”

“Hello everyone” his deep voice sounded out “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“All good man, we’re still waiting for one person.” Felix reassured him “Sean, why is she not here yet? Are you sure you’ve sent her the right code?”

“Of course I am!” he all but shouted at Felix ��And about that, she just texted me to give her a few more minutes and that we should start without her.”

“We can just wait, right?” Lily offered, earning a few hums of approval from the others.

“I think it might take a little longer than a few minutes, she has some problems with her microphone.”

“Who are you guys talking about?” Corpse asked, completely unaware of who Jack was referring to.

“Wait, Jack, you mean Y/N from Y/C/N?” Sykkuno asked suddenly, only then realizing why this name sounded familiar

“Yeah, the one and only” Jack replied, a smile evident in his voice.

“Oh my god, I love her videos!” Rae exclaimed at that “She’s so funny and sweet!”

“Yeah! Her new video is so freaking cute, I wish she’d upload more often.” Poki agreed. 

“Right?” Jack said, clearly very proud of his friend. “But don’t let that sweet demeanor fool you guys cause she’s one of the best players I’ve encountered in this game.”

“That’s true, she’s a secret big brain genius” Toast confirmed, making Pewdiepie gasp once again. 

“wHAT??YOU TWO PLAYED WITH HER?!” Felix’s offended voice boomed through everyone’s headphones “HOW DARE YOU. HOW COULD YOU NOT INVITE ME?!” 

“That’s for not inviting me to your latest Cringe episode!” Jack was quick to respond, making others in the lobby laugh at their mini fight. 

“Oh, so that’s where I recognized her from!” Sykkuno nearly shouted when he finally put two and two together. “I can’t wait to meet her, she seems like a really nice person.”

“She is! When she got impostor for the first time she refused to kill me” Toast explained, earning himself a couple of Aww’s from his friends. “So we just ran around the emergency button until I called the meeting and voted her off.”

“Yeah, only to be her first victim in the next game.” Jack all but giggled, clearly very amused at the memory of Y/N going into a full berserk mode. No one except for him and Toast knew how good she really was at this game... 

“She’s basically the wolf in sheep’s skin” Felix concluded with a chuckle “Very soft wolf, however.”

“She’s like the complete opposite of Corpse, both in voice and personality” Jack suddenly said, making Felix laugh wholeheartedly at something only two of them understood at the moment. 

“I don’t know how should I take that” Corpse admitted with a chuckle. He remained silent for most of the conversation since he didn’t really know who the guys were talking about. But he would lie if he said he wasn’t intrigued by this girl at least in the slightest. Although he heard about her channel, he hasn’t seen any of her videos, so he didn’t really know what to expect. But hearing what gamers like Sean and Felix said about her, he knew he’s not gonna be disappointed once the girl joins them in the game. 

“Imagine Corpse and Y/N talking.” Felix said suddenly with a seemingly very amused voice.

“Imagine Corpse and Y/N both being Impostors” Toast said, which resulted in many of them shouting over each other at how crazy that would be. 

“Alright, now that you mention this I start fearing the moment two of them meet” Jack confessed with loud laughter following the sentence. Corpse chuckled deeply under his breath, at the same time glancing at the questions his audience was asking him in his stream. He could hardly read any, as there were quite a lot of people asking, so all he saw was just a bunch of comments moving at the speed of light in his chat. He wouldn't say it out loud, but he was slightly nervous, seeing the growing number of people watching his stream. It was still a rather new thing to him, and he feared he'd say something inappropriate, or just make a complete idiot out of himself. 

"At least no one can see me..." he mumbled under his breath after muting his microphone. 

"Oh! Y/N just texted me! She's joining the call right now!" 

"Fuck yeah!" Felix shouted excitedly "Just so you know Jack, I won't forget that you two played without me."

"Uh-oh. Is that a threat? Are you threatening me now?" 

"It's a warning" Felix replied, receiving a series of gasps from other players. "If I get impostor, you're the first one on my list."

"Okay, everyone heard that! You know who to vote off when I'm dead!" 

"It's so cool to play with someone new, I wonder if she's as good as you guys depict her" Sykkuno spoke up, but before anyone could answer his question, a new character popped up in the lobby.

*** 

"Hi everyone! I’m sorry I left you just like that, but this stream would be completely useless without me being able to answer your questions. Fortunately it wasn’t anything serious, I just had to readjust my mic and go through the settings to find what was wrong. Took some time, but here I am now!” Y/N chirped into her microphone, smiling apologetically at her webcam. At the moments like this, she really appreciated how supportive her audience was. No one was hating on her when she had to get off the stream for a couple of minutes, and everyone was just so understanding that it made her heart melt. Perhaps her audience wasn’t very big, but it felt almost like a second family to her. 

“Anyway, as you already know from my twitter, today I’ll be playing Among Us with my friends and their friends! I can’t wait if I’m being honest, last time I played this game was so much fun, and there was only a few of us.” she admitted with a genuine smile on her face. “Let’s just text Sean now so we can get into the lobby...”

Y/N: Ready to play with you guys ^^

Jackaboy: Great! You got that mic fixed already? 

Y/N: Yes, everything is fine. I’m sorry you had to wait so long.

Jackaboy: It’s all good kiddo, no worries. I’ll call you and send you the code in a sec. 

Y/N: Perfect, thank you Sean :)

Jackaboy: Btw, everyone can’t wait to meet you ;-)Y/N stared at the screen for a moment, only now, seconds before joining the group, realizing how nervous she felt. From Sean’s tweets she saw earlier, she figured that the lobby was right now full of many famous streamers, those she wouldn’t even compare herself to. It’s not that she thought of herself very low, but... being among such youtube celebrities like them made her panic a little bit. She didn’t want to look like a complete fool amongst them. 

Playing or recording with Sean and Felix was something else because she knew those guys for years (and yet still sometimes found herself thinking how lucky she got to be able to call them her friends). She felt good in their company, not worrying about choosing the right words. But amongst the rest of the players, she knew only Toast and talked with Rae maybe once in her life... 

What if the rest won’t like her? 

Y/N cleared her throat, realizing that she was still staring at her phone like hypnotized and her audience was already asking her what’s going on. She quickly typed in the code Sean had texted her and readjusted her headphones, before joining the discord chat.

“THERE SHE IS” screamed Sean, making her grin from ear to ear, hearing how excited he was “Little wonderchild!”

“I think you meant little TRAITOR” Felix corrected him with a scoff. A silence settled in the lobby as everyone was waiting for Y/N to speak up.

“Um... hello everyone..” she said softly, almost inaudibly, a sudden wave of shyness taking over her. “I’m Y/N” 

“Oh, you were right about that Corpse thing!” replied another, also very soft and very sweet voice, and Y/N saw the image of someone named Lily pop up. “It’s like the exact opposite!” 

“See? Told ya. Everyone, meet Y/N/N, the little angel from Y/C/N.” 

“Hey Y/N!”

“Hi there!”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“H-Hi, so great to meet you, Y/N!” a very friendly sounding voice said, and a little lime astronaut with the name Sykkuno above it started running around her. “Can’t wait to play with you!”

“That’s so nice, thank you” she replied with a wide smile on her face, moving around his character as well. “I can’t wait to play with you too, actually with all you guys. It’s so great to be here with you.”

“Jack I swear she’s the cutest little thing I’ve ever heard. Where the hell did you find her?!” Poki all but yelled at the man, making Y/N giggle to herself and in-process loosen up a little bit. They all seemed like someone she’d happily be friends with. 

“Or rather, where do you get one?” someone else commented, making them all burst into laughter, Y/N included. 

“Guys, what did I say about that sweet demeanor...” Jack said after calming down from his fit “Don’t put your guard down just because she sounds like that!”

“Wait- what did you tell them about me?” Y/N asked confused, the tone of her voice making him laugh even more “Jack!”

“Don’t worry, only the good stuff” a very deep, low voice spoke up, leaving her taken aback for a moment. Her eyes widened slightly and she glanced at the name of that person, reading out CORPSE. Now that’s something she didn’t expect... 

“Corpse, mind your manners! You didn’t even introduce yourself!” 

“Oh, shit- yeah, sorry. Um, I’m Corpse, it’s very nice to meet you Y/N” he replied right after, making her lip corners curl up into a smile. 

“Nice to meet you too Corpse, you have a really pleasant voice.” she spoke sweetly, completely unaware of the chaos that was taking place in her stream chat. She didn’t even think of it the way her audience did, she just simply spoke up her mind, and being an incredibly nice person - turned it into a compliment.

“Oh- wow. I mean, thank you so much. I love your voice too, it’s really sweet” he replied, nervously chuckling at the end, before muting his mic. It was, however, enough for Felix and Sean to start teasing him, as the two immediately screamed:

“SIIIMP!!!”

“It’s the voice Felix, I told you he’d fall into her trap!” 

“Wait- he was just being nice, guys! Stop making fun of him” Y/N immediately defended the man, trying to speak up over the hysterical laughter of the other players. 

“Oh my god, but what if they both get impostors and they both pull the voice cards on us?!” Rae managed to yell through all the noise, making Y/N even more confused.

“Wait, what? What do you mean? I don’t understand.” 

“Don’t worry Y/N, that’s how I feel all the time around them.” Sykkuno seemed to be the only one who heard her question, as the rest continued their gabbing without giving her as much as a glance. 

“Alright, let’s start the game maybe. I might have a few old scores to settle” Toast cleared his throat theatrically, his astronaut coming face to face with Y/N’s. 

“Oh, you mean me? I thought I already apologized!” she replied frantically. “You gave me no choice Toast, I didn’t even want to kill you in the first place...”

“BUT YOU DID. IN THE VERY FIRST ROUND” 

“I’m sorry!” 

“Alright, enough! Toast, just don’t kill her right away, okay? Let her run around the map, fearing for her life for a moment.” Y/N gasped upon hearing Jack’s words, clearly sensing the smirk behind his voice. 

“Wha- Jack?! Since when are you against me?!” 

“Don’t worry Y/N, I won’t let them hurt you. You haven’t played with us yet, I’ll protect you.” 

“Oh, thank you so much Sykkuno! I’ll protect you too!” 

“Great. Another one simping...” was Felix’s last words, before the game began. 

Y/N sighed in relief upon seeing the word crewmate forming on her screen, but at the same time feared Toast’s inevitable revenge. She thought they'd already buried the hatchet, but it seemed that he was desperate to make her pay for the last time they played together. 

“Aw, Sykkuno was serious” she mumbled with a smile, when his lime astronaut started circling her white one, so she would follow him. “Okay, let’s do some tasks.”

They both made their way towards the medbay, Sykkuno patiently waiting nearby as she did the scan, then Y/N waiting for him to do the same. The moment his little character stepped towards her, a meeting was called by none other than Felix.

“What happened?” Rae asked.

“I called the meeting because I’m afraid of Jack” he responded, causing everyone to laugh. “Seriously though! Dude’s been following me around the whole time.”

“I was just making sure nobody kills you.”

“Yeah don’t go all Sykkuno on me!” Felix screamed, making the call erupt into even more laughter. 

“Alright, are we skipping?” 

“Yeah.”

“Guys, my life is in danger!” Felix wouldn’t give up. “Come on, show some support! Y/N? You played with him, you know his techniques!” 

“Sorry Felix” Y/N giggled, clicking the skip button. 

When the next round began, Sykkuno was quick to join Y/N on her way towards admin, where they both found Poki doing the upload. They did the card swipe and left her there, when the lights suddenly went off.

“Uh-oh. Let’s head the opposite direction, Sykkuno” the girl murmured, dancing around his character and heading towards Comms instead of going to Electrical. It was the easiest way to die, after all. 

Once they entered the room and waited for someone to fix the lights, Y/N could see another figure appear in the same location. She couldn’t recognize whose character it was, but upon seeing the horns on the helmet she smiled to herself.

“Hey there, Corpse” she said, walking up to the black astronaut, who was standing still in the same place as if he was just watching her and Sykkuno run around Comms instead of doing their tasks. 

They stood like that for a couple of seconds until Corpse turned around and ran away, and that’s when the first body was reported. 

“Oh no, Jack!” 

“Poor guy. He’s gonna haunt us now.”

“Where’s the body?” 

“Navigation” replied Rae, who was the one to find Sean’s green astronauts’ body “Didn’t see anyone around, but I’m pretty sure someone just vented right in front of my eyes...”

“Any suspicions?” Toast asked.

“Um, not really sure, it was the exact same moment the lights went off. I was doing tasks with Jack and then he just died. I only saw the vent close, nothing or no one else.”

“Okay, where are you guys right now?” 

“I’m in admin with Dave, we only passed Poki when we got there.” Lily’s voice sounded out, quickly being joined by Poki’s explanation.

“Yeah, I was finishing the upload when you guys came in, Y/N and Sykkuno saw it”

“Did you see her?” Toast asked, addressing his question towards the white and lime astronauts. 

“Yes, we were doing the card swipe before going to Comms. Corpse joined us for a moment and then left.”

“Yeah, I was on my way to fix the lights when I stumbled upon them in Comms, the body was reported the exact moment I left.”

“Can someone confirm this? I mean, did someone see you besides the two of them?” Toast continued his questioning. 

“I think I only saw Felix in Medbay.”

“Hmm, so no one really knows where you were this whole time. You could easily lure Jack into Navigation and kill him there. Is that what you did, Corpse?”

“Woah, that’s some serious accusation” Corpse replied in his usual, low and calm voice. “Where were you Toast? You seem the only one who still doesn’t have an alibi”

“Neither does Felix.” Y/N spoke innocently, and the mentioned man quickly started his explanation.

“Okay, I was with Jack at the beginning but he clearly can’t confirm this since someone snapped his fucking neck. We’ve split up in O2 after doing our tasks and then he must’ve gone with Rae. I just wandered around the map, escaping from the death.”

“Hmm, so not only were you one of the last people to see him alive, but you also admit to not doing your tasks” Y/N said, trying her best to keep her voice steady and stop herself from laughing. She was sure Sykkuno was doing the same thing, they both refused to do any tasks after the lights went off, after all.

“Yeah, but does that already makes me an Imposter? I’m just scared for my life, that’s all.”

“Y/N has some good logic, but I’m not really sure it’s Pewds. I mean, I saw him in Medbay and he really seemed to be just jogging around.” Corpse said, his voice almost immediately doing its magic, as people more or less willingly agreed to skip this round as well. 

“I think it’s Felix. I mean, I haven’t played with him yet, but I have this feeling that he’s just acting.” Y/N said to her chat after muting herself. She went towards Weapons to do another task, seeing Sykkuno’s little character follow her once again, but the doors were suddenly locked and his lime astronaut remained in Cafeteria. “Oh no, Sykkuno” she sighed with a pout on her face, deciding against waiting for him and risking getting her neck snapped. She finished her task in Weapons and moved towards another location, when suddenly Corpse appeared in front of her, coming right out of nowhere. 

“Oh- Corpse, you scared me to death” Y/N breathed a laugh, watching as his character stood still for a couple of seconds, before circling around her white astronaut. Y/N nodded her head with a smile, even though he couldn’t see her, and followed him in Shields, where they found Poki’s dead body. 

“The body is in Shields” Y/N replied right after reporting the body, only to gasp in shock when she realized more than one person was killed. Red crosses decorated not only Poki’s name but were also visible next to Dave and Lily. 

“What the hell?!” Felix all but yelled into his mic, obviously shocked just like everyone else who was still alive. 

“Now that’s... a lot of bodies” Sykkuno mumbled under his breath. 

“Alright, who’s in Shields? Y/N, you said you found the body there, which one?”

“Poki’s, Corpse was there with me” her reply was followed by his short and low hum. 

“Sykkuno, where are you? I didn’t see you anywhere since the last round.” Felix asked, clearly accusing the lime astronaut of being a murderer. 

“I was... doing the wires in electrical, Toast was there for a moment as well.”

“Yeah but I was only searching for the body, so I saw you maybe for a second” Toast replied, building even more suspicions around Sykkuno.

“But- guys, you know I wouldn’t kill two people in one round, let alone four of them.”

“No one says you did that, I only mentioned that you were nowhere to be seen. You could’ve been sabotaging the map for the other Impostor” Felix said nonchalantly.

“Guys, I-”

“It’s him! It must be him!” Rae shouted through her mic. 

“Sykkuno is 100% innocent, I can vouch for him” Y/N’s voice sounded out in everyone’s headphones “We were together since the start of the game and he didn’t kill me, even though he had quite a number of chances to do so.”

“Weren’t you with Corpse this time?” Felix asked suspiciously.

“I was! But at the beginning, I was with Sykkuno, until someone locked him in Cafeteria. That’s when we split up.”

“And you haven’t seen him ever since?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Then I can assure you it was only a matter of time before he’d stab you in the back” Toast concluded, making Sykkuno gasp in confusion.

“Wha- No, I would never do that! Y/N is our guest, I was just making sure she was okay!”

“Sykkuno, simping won’t save your life right now” 

“Wha- I- Guys!” he tried to stutter out some logical explanation “Y/N, don’t believe them!”

“I don’t, I know you’re innocent! C’mon guys, he wouldn’t do it!” 

“Yeah yeah, let’s kick him out. Corpse, who are you voting?” Toast asked, and Y/N could see the I voted sign next to his character. 

“I kinda feel like Felix tries to shift the blame onto Sykkuno. He didn’t even tell his location, and was already throwing accusations on someone else.” Corpse replied after a moment, making the smile widen on Y/N’s face. Someone was finally on her side! 

“That’s because he can’t even explain himself!” Felix exclaimed, voting as well. 

“Besides, I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for whoever locked that door, Y/N would be dead as well!” 

“No, I told you I-!”

“Guys, we have ten seconds to vote. Rae?” 

“I think it’s him as well. He was acting suspiciously since we started this round. I vote Sykkuno”

“But..!” 

“No, Sykkuno...” Y/N whispered with a pout on her lips, when she saw the number of people who voted for her lime friend. 

Sykkuno was ejected. 

“Alright, I’m pretty sure it’s Felix. I saw Rae multiple times and she didn’t kill me, Toast also doesn’t act very Impostor like, but maybe that’s just one of his strategies... Corpse is with me again, I don’t think that’s him, I mean, he followed me around last round, but still didn’t do anything, and even vouched for me and Sykkuno when we were both clearly chilling in comms. It can’t be him... right?” 

 Dead body reported.

 “I just saw Corpse kill Toast, then vent!” Rae’s voice blared through Y/N’s headphones, as she looked in shock at the red cross next to Toast’s name. If not him, then..?

“What?” the accused man asked calmly “That’s a self-report, she’s trying to frame me. You guys can’t possibly believe her.”

“I believe her. I saw you enter the Electrical with Toast, then he’s suddenly dead” Felix said. 

“That’s because she vented in there and killed him.”

“No! I swear, Y/N/N you have to believe me!” she directed her words towards the girl who remained silent during their discussion, processing her accusations over and over in her head. “I was fixing the wires, Toast was doing another task, and then boom! I see Corpse snapping his neck!”

“How could you see that if the lights were off?” Y/N suddenly asked, making Rae cut her own sentence off “No one went to fix them, they were off the entire round.”

Silence. 

“It’s Rae, it must be her” Corpse couldn’t help but laugh wholeheartedly at how small was the mistake which completely blew Rae’s cover. “We’re voting Rae, right Y/N?”

“No! Guys, I mean, let me explain, I-!”

Rae was ejected. 

“Now that was something I didn’t expect. I would’ve never thought it was her, I even suspected that Sykkuno might really have been the other Impostor, but now... It’s just me, Corpse, and Felix. I’m clear, clearly, so it must be one of them. And since Corpse protected me for the past few rounds, there’s no other option than...”

Her eyes suddenly widened when the realization hit her, and she quickly turned around to speed towards the emergency button. Fortunately, no one was around to stop her from calling the meeting.

“Felix.” Y/N started, trying to contain her excitement and sound seriously “Where were you when Sean was killed?”

Neither Corpse of Felix said a word, as it was probably the last question they expected her to ask. Felix cleared his throat, however, and finally replied:

“Y/N, that was literally the beginning of a game. How am I supposed to remember what I did then?”

“Well” she said nonchalantly “I, for example, clearly remember the things you said even when we were in the lobby.”

“What are you implying?” 

“Wasn’t it you, who told everyone that Sean was your number one if you get Impostor?” she asked with a wicked smile on her face. Felix was dumbfounded, he obviously didn’t expect her to pull that card on him, hell, he didn’t even know how she knew about it since she wasn’t even in the call at the time. 

“FELIX” Corpse suddenly broke the silence, simultaneously breaking the said man from his train of thoughts. 

“Okay, first of all- YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN THE CALL WHEN I SAID THAT” he yelled through his mic, making both Y/N and Corpse laugh, as it only confirmed their suspicions. 

“See? You only proved my point.” 

“Oh, fuck’s sake- I was just joking okay?!” he tried to defend himself, but hearing how he couldn’t even contain his own laughter anymore, it was clear he already accepted the defeat. “It wasn’t serious, god damn it!” 

“You know what to do, Y/N” Corpse’s voice asked through her headphones, and surely, she knew exactly what to do.

“C’mon Y/N, that’s not fair! At least let me explain myself!” 

“Bye Felix” she said in an overly dramatic tone before Corpse voted as well. 

Soon enough, the sign VICTORY could be seen on her screen, which made her squeak and joy. This game was really fun, even though she was so scared of being killed first. 

“I knew it! I knew you would figure out it’s him! That son of a bitch who murdered me!” Jack basically yelled out, clearly very happy about the result. 

“Y/N, seriously now, how did you know I’ve said that?” Felix asked without even hiding his surprised tone.

“Let’s just say I might’ve stolen some of your viewers, Felix” she admitted, winking at her webcam, a new wave of comments landing on her chat. “Thanks guys!” 

“Okay, that is rude and not fair!” 

“It helped me win, so I’ve got nothing else to say” Y/N grinned from ear to ear, before muting herself for a moment to finally answer some of the questions from her chat, while the rest took a quick break to eat something or go to the bathroom.

She was halfway through telling the story of how she met Sean when she noticed she got a message from a private discord chat. 

CORPSE: That was really impressive :)

Y/N smiled to herself upon seeing his text and quickly typed out the answer. 

Y/N: Thanks!! I wouldn’t have done that without you though, you stood up for me and Sykkuno and all

Y/N: Also, thanks for protecting me from being murdered ^^

CORPSE: No problem, I knew you were innocent right away. 

CORPSE: Anyway, good game, Sean was right saying that you’re one of the best players

She couldn’t help the blush that arose on her cheeks, it was very sweet of him to say that, even though she didn’t actually do much except for exposing Felix. 

Y/N: I wasn’t an Impostor though, so you didn’t really see much :)

She watched the three dots beside his name, that signaled he was still texting. The chat was completely forgotten, but people seemed to quickly notice that small, shy smile on her lips, and the pink tint decoring her cheeks.

CORPSE: Okay, now I’m intrigued... 

Y/N: Maybe we’ll both be Impostors one day ^^

CORPSE: Can’t wait for that to happen.

Soon enough, they returned to the lobby to begin another game. Y/N glanced at her chat for a second, and the moment she returned her eyes to the game, her jaw basically dropped. 

IMPOSTOR was written in bold letters in the middle of the red screen, right above her name.

Corpse’s little character was standing beside her. 

[cloudybarnes]

Hidden | C.H

Pairing: corpse husband x reader

Request:  Hi! I saw that requests were open for corpse, so I wanted to ask if you’d be willing to do one where the reader is also a faceless youtuber but she’s been getting some hate recently because people picked up on the flirty dynamic between her and corpse (they’re together, people just don’t know) and fangirls are jealous, so they send her hate. I really love those protective corpse fics and I’d love to see your take on this! No pressure if you don’t wanna write this! Love your work btw :) 

Word Count: 1.1k

Main Masterlist

Corpse Masterlist

A/N: thank you for the request! I hope you like it, even if it isn’t a lot of protective Corpse haha

✰  ✰  ✰

"I like your ears, Corpse." You giggle, as you wiggle your Among Us avatar around his.

He chuckles, "Thanks, Y/n. You should match with me."

You run over to the little laptop and change your hat to the ears. "Hell yeah! This is what I'm talking about." You giggle.

"We look so cute matching like this." Corpse responds.

You giggle, "You look cute, Corpse."

"Oh," he chuckles, "thanks."

You mute yourself in the game, a little caught off guard because you didn't mean to call Corpse cute out loud. Both being faceless youtubers, Corpse and you kind of connected right off the bat. It was a little inside joke between the two of you that faceless youtubers had to stick together, so you did.

What the two of you didn't realize, was that you would fall for each other. Constant texts and hours of phone calls turned into confessions and showing each other what you looked like.

A relationship was built; a secret one at that. You wanted to keep your private life, well, private. You two tried to be lowkey about it, but it was kind of difficult for you considering how hard you were falling for him.

"Y/n, quit flirting with Corpse, he's with Sykkuno." Ludwig laughed.

You giggle, and take a look over at your chat. A lot of the comments were talking about being nicer to you, which was confusing. You kept watching for a little longer and you soon saw some mean messages.

They were angry that you were flirting with Corpse. You didn't even think what you said was that bad, but apparently this was a regular thing for you. People seem to have picked up on your flirty behavior with Corpse, and they didn't like it.

Making sure you were muted in discord, you decided to talk to your chat. "Guys, I think I'm going to have to put chat on emote-only mode. I'm just going to say that I don't think Corpse or anyone is uncomfortable by how I talk to him, and it's all harmless so please don't be so mean in the chat."

A few minutes later, you get a message from Corpse.

Chat just told me about what yours was saying. I told them I don't mind when you're flirty with me and tried defending you. I'm coming over when we're done streaming, you need a pick me up cause you aren't sounding too happy.

You sighed, and responded back with a simple thank you my love.

Eventually, you did turn your chat back to followers only, and it wasn't too bad. A lot of them were sticking up for you and telling you how much Corpse was sticking up for you. This peaked your interest. At the next lobby break, you decided to check out a clip of him addressing that on his stream.

"Guys, don't-don't flame Y/n. She's done nothing wrong ever. I don't get uncomfortable with the flirty, I think it's actually fun to be playful and flirty back and forth. We love Y/n over here, don't be mean to my friends please."

You turned your attention back to your friends. "I think this is going to have to be my LG, guys." You explained to them.

"Aw," Rae pouted, "Okay, we'll make it a good one. We can find one fill for you."

"Uh, this will also be my last game." Corpse quietly chimed in.

"That's fine," Toast replied, "as long as no one else leaves we can find two fills."

Your last round was surprisingly really short. You were second to die, and the first meeting was called after four were already dead. No one had any information, so they just randomly voted Toast off cause he's smart.

Turns out, it was a scary combination or your boyfriend and Rae who got everyone in one round.

"Alright everyone, thanks for the games!" You smiled, "I had a lot of fun, thanks for playing!"

A chorus of goodbyes followed your leave. You left the discord and the lobby, and just sat for a second.

"Bye everyone. I'll be streaming again tomorrow night playing with the same group, so if you want to tune in again, I will see you there!"

You ended your stream quickly and took a deep breath. Corpse just messaged you he was getting ready to leave him house, so you decided to get up and clean a little before his arrival.

You make your bed, clean up the kitchen, and tidy up the living room. Just as you finish, a knocking on your door starts.

You lightly smile as you paddle over to open the door for him. He smiles at you and pulls you into a hug as soon as he sees you.

"You alright, sweet girl?" He mumbles as he pushes the two of you further into the house, and closes the door behind him.

You shrug, "yeah, I'll be okay. Just some people are really, uh, protective over you I guess."

He shakes his head, and grabs your hands to place a kiss to the back of each one. "They don't need to be protective over me, especially not when it's my girlfriend flirting with me. They have no right to say I don't like it or I don't like you."

You nod, and run your fingers along the side of his face, knowing it eases him. "I know that. I'm trying not to let if effect me because I don't know those people. It shouldn't matter what they think of me or us because they don't truly know us."

He brings his hand up to where mine is on his cheek, and holds them there together. "You're right, baby. What they think doesn't matter, so I was thinking maybe we should tell people we're together."

You look up at him, a little confused. "You really want to?"

He smiles and presses a kiss to your forehead. "I do. I want people to know I'm taken, and that it's you I'm taken by."

Your heart soars at this, and you let out a little giggle. "Yeah, I like that."

Corpse grins and pulls you into a kiss. Your hand still being held on his face, while his hand moves to cup your face.

He pulls back, and drags you to the couch. You sit down with him, and watch as he pulls his phone from his pocket.

"What are you thinking of posting?" You ask, curious.

Corpse grabs your hand in his, interlocking your fingers. You lightly scratch your purple acrylics across his hand the way he likes.

Your rings match his, and shine as he takes a picture of your interlocked hands.

On Instagram, he posts the picture of them and tags you with the caption "my favorite girl".

[reallilystuff]

HOOHOOOOO IM. midgame i think. not sure how far in it is but the sky's red like in the og games. the plot is getting JUICY we're getting to the MEAT AND POTATOES.

quick warning for a whole ramble abt my thoughts on Pokemon Legends Arceus characters n stuff under the read more i'm not exaggerating its LONG (for my standards, considering my usual short lil posts), probably has mild spoilers

also cogita....she so purrrdy..... i was actually wondering when she was gonna be coming along since i've seen so much debate over her connection to cynthia. wondering if volo and cogita are actually related or if they just look really similar. it's actually bothering me

about the blond bi twink with long hair previously mentioned, i don't think volos going to be THAT bad. all i know about him is he has an end battle (saw a soundtrack thumbnail on youtube a long while back something about a wielder??? does he like. wield simps bc thats all i see on pinterest comments 😭) and i've HEARD he's a little shit but idk how and im dodging spoilers like my life DEPENDS on it. he LOOKS so evil tho. he's just a lil creeture tho...... mans is CHILLING over here.

speaking of little shit. KAMADO. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY. OHHHH MY GOD. "yeahhh send the 15 year old out. just get that guy out of here. if they die then rip bozo lawl" WHAT IS HIS PROBLEMMMMM.... tbh i think he's actually gonna end up being evil or something. as like. a lil twist. as a treat. cyllene's kinda goated tho. she's like. warm and icy at the same time. does that make sense. i think she has SO much character potential rn and its making my brain run at jet speeds

everytime i see rei that poor little meow meow has a funnier face expression. speaking of which im starting to wonder if barry has an ancestor at all??? where is he. put up the missing posters. that little weirdo was one of my faves back when i played pokemon pearl. LET ME SEE HIM....NOW!!! 🌩

sabi is cheryl i think!!! and cheryl mention makes me so happy

that avalugg bossfight had me fucking TERRIFIED btw. i swear what is it with the games i've been playing recently making me realize i have whole ass new fears (roblox pressure and this one because HOOOOLY THAT THANG WAS HUGE. I DIDN'T EXPECT NEITHER THE TRENCHBLEEDERS(pressure) NOR THE AVALUGG TO BE THAT MASSIVE.) that particular boss fights funny because like. dark souls type boss fight + touhou(its likely not touhou but the bullet patterns reminded me of it). it's a good day to be an infernape user

irida's really starting to grow on me tbh kinda thought she was annoying at first and also. she just. teleports to you after battles i swear how does she TRAVEL that fast. girlies sprinting over to themc just to argue with adaman right in front of us. but like!! she's actually just cool!!! also holy shit some of the dialogue the pearl clan givesyou makes me feel bad for her (and also mild relatability emphasis on mild)

also lots of adaman simps too weirdly enough??? don't get it tbh he's just a guy. is it the eyeliner. the hair. what is it.

nothing to say about lian or mai bc i have no idea who their descendants are supposed to be. i think mais ancestor was in platinum? so that probably explains it but idk who lians is. is it that one person from alola with the donkey i forgot their name. i don't have a clear image so that might make me sound bonkers if im off WAIT NO I REMEMBER IT WAS THE GIRL WITH THE BRAIDS. yeah probably not related. think their eyes just looked similar in my head. anyways

nothing to say about melli but i saw an image that just said he's bi but no one wants him and YEAH LMFAOO. i kinda dig the disgusted expressions he has they're just. so evident. lmao. thought he was a girl up until they mentioned him with he/him pronouns and it was like WHA....... oh okay cool. also thought he was fantinas ancestor (give me a break it's been a while since i've played any pokemon game) bc.....porple hair....yea.....

idk what else to say other than my only complaint is HOOOOLY the character customization in this game is barren. i think kalos spoiled me with all its prettiness and cute outfits ngl but DAMN can i get ONE. PASTEL PINK. ITEM. and not hot barbie pink. no hate to that shade it just doesn't look right with this games lighting to me, it just appears kinda red/purple instead. other than that i'm fucking mcloving it so far.

another thing there is a singular black hairstyle which. eh i guess it's one step towards improvement (kalos didnt have that i think? cant remember) but im REALLY hoping legends za has more black-aligned hairstyles when it comes along. PLEASE I CANT KEEP DOING STRAIGHT HAIR. PLEAASE. braids cornrows curly hair space buns dreads theres SO MUCH TO EXPLORE. idk if i'll buy scarlet/violet but im hoping that game actually has options since i've heard nice things abt the hair customization. other than that i aint know nothing

but also like. really hoping this is just midgame bc i feel like the warden/noble things went by SO fast....im 60 hours in and most of it was shiny hunting (that kadabra changed something in my brain i'm never going to be the same). if i spend only another hour playing and the game ends im gonna be so sad like actually. especially because i think im overlevelled rn so the games already pretty easy (ranging from lv. 67 to 72 i think?)

swear to god i need to stop being late to every fandom i arrive in i cant take having to dodge spoilers like this while needing to know everything abt the game 💀

on a better note the nostalgia crying i experienced is starting to wear down thankfully, i mean its not a bad thing anyways it was just. starting to kinda annoy me lol

slenderarceus be like Collect my Pokemon

[arcane-ish]

This is a lengthy too rambly response to a variety of things from the post of

@chapstikcrazy

And as I finished it I realized that it was way too rambly and going over the same points over and over again, so I will try to make a second version of this that groups the responses more into general themes :)

The original post said

silco is literally the healthiest parent out there

No qualifiers. Not "considering the circumstances".

I would argue Silco isn't even the healthiest parent in Arcane, let alone the world. Even in Arcane I would say only maybe Ambessa Medarda gives him a run for his money. But we never see Caityln's father do anything wrong and while Jayce's mom, Caitlyn's mom and Vander all make clear parenting mistakes I would say they are all firmly in the "debatable" category (since Silco also makes parenting mistakes).

You wrote:

I don’t think it’s fair to label Silco as a healthy OR unhealthy parent.

The original post put him in the "healthy" category or even the "healthiest". I personally think good/bad person are limited concepts, but I do think that there are good/bad decisions and actions.

(Caitlyn's and Jayce's parents both have the luxury of living in Piltover btw, closest parallel would be Vander). P

Ekko and Viktor are also both from the undercity. In lore, Ekko has loving and supportive parents. So do fellow Zaunite teenage characters Zeri and Seraphine who in lore are all around the same age as Jinx. It's totally possible to have normal "middle-class-y" parents in Zaun provided you aren't I dunno engaged in being an active mob boss or revolutionary.

I read recently in a YouTube comment someone talking about how adopting older children is really difficult (and that their trauma can sometimes be really difficult if not impossible to fully tackle as their guardian) and that Silco probably did the best anyone could have done in that situation.

I deeply disagree with this. Now, I have always objected to the take people had "oh, he should just have taken her to therapy" because I consider it unproven that therapy even exists in their world or that it is any good if it exists. However, I don't buy that even under the guise of "we sit back with all the knowledge we have about parenting now" he couldn't have seen that his style of parenting isn't the best.

IMO the core problem of Jinx is the isolation she grows up in. That she has no friends her own age. That she has no additional parental figures. That she has no allies to take care of her when Silco is gone.

Yes, adopting a teenaged child is hard. But a healthier person, somebody who is not a virulently paranoid quasi mob boss would have looked at the situation and deduced that maybe he needs help. Silco doesn't do that. Because he is paranoid and doesn't trust anyone. He imposes his isolation on Jinx because he is unable to meaningfully break out of his own (emotional) isolation with anybody other than Jinx.

Can you imagine being given a PRETEEN as your VERY FIRST introduction into parenting?? It would be insanely hard.

Agree. That's why a healthier person would have sought help. Silco is somebody who has the means to get help (as in "hire a nanny" not "get her therapy"). He doesn't. Because he is both distrustful of others and has a high opinion of his own skills.

And yes, his position as a mob boss revolutionary means that betrayal is a real threat. That's why if you have the health of a child at heart then maybe you would consider 1.) stop being a mob boss and run away to a more peaceful place or 2.) not raise her. Give her to somebody more peaceful than him and pay them money.

But Silco doesn't want to give up his lifestyle or Jinx. And she pays the price for this in dysfunction.

You know nothing about parenting number one and number two, you know nothing about this child that is 11-12 years old. AND it’s his first kid? I mean, he’s BOUND to screw up, but not because he wants to or for some malicious reason, it’s just GOING to happen. And without this basis of information for raising children, he probably doesn’t really know what boundaries he should be giving her in the first place because maybe he doesn’t feel like he has any right to impose those boundaries ON her.

Again, that's why a healthier person who is not virulently distrustful of others would have sought help. And Silco isn't stupid. He could look around and see that normal kids have friends their own age.

I have had this discussion before on whether Silco is generally good with kids or whether he had good or shitty parents. I tend to say: I head canon that he must have had terrible parents/no parents, because the only way his style of parenting isn't intentionally horrible is if he has no frame of reference. (which makes his actions understandable but also makes him uniquely ill-equipped to adopt anybody)

And "have friends their own age" is something he should be aware of just on account of "he was a child himself at one point" and "he can look around and see how other children live".

And now, we do not know for a fact that Silco never tried to organize playdates between Jinx and let's say the kids of other chem barons and they all rejected her and were mean to her. But looking at him? With how he acts around her? Do you really buy Silco as doing that? Or isn't it much more likely that he never did because it either never occurred to him or because he doesn't trust anybody.

The fact that Jinx might not have wanted this doesn't mean that he shouldn't have tried in a sensitive manner. Being a good parent isn't about never evaluating what your kid says. If your kid wants to jump off a bridge because they think they can fly it doesn't make you a bad parent to go "uh... maybe you demonstrate to me in a safe environment first?" or "how about we go paragliding instead?" doesn't make you a bad parent. Just like indulging your kids in things that are demonstrably or forseeably bad and unhealthy for them doesn't mean you are a good parent.

I think he did the absolute best thing any SURROGATE parent FIGURE could have done FOR JINX

As I said, I deeply disagree. He could have taken the money and moved out of Zaun with her (Ionia, Demacia if he doesn't want to live in Piltover). He could have given her to somebody else better equipped to raise her than somebody who lives an intensely dangerous life AND according to you is deeply fucked up by society and lacks any frame of reference of what makes a good parent. He could have hired a person who actually has a frame of reference of what makes a good parent to take care of her. He could have identified people who seem like good parents and asked them for advice.

The reason why he doesn't is because he has a pathologically narrow view of the world and this is how he is causing Jinx harm by locking her into this point of view.

He taught her the things he felt would help her be strong IN THE SOCIETY THEY LIVE IN. When you live in a violent, cutthroat, insecure society, being strong and cutthroat is a strength. It’s how you survive.

Except allies are important in that kind of society and he does not teach her how to play well with allies. Jinx's style of violence is considered a problem even in their society and he does not restrain even though this causes Jinx to be even more isolated. She lives by his protection and with him gone is completely isolated. Because he always preached to her to not trust anybody.

Silco saying not to trust anyone fed into this, I think a bit, but she was always going to have trust issues

Just because she might always have had them doesn't mean that it wasn't his duty as a parent to at least try to fight them instead of feeding into them and cementing them. I have been pretty adamant in various more Vi centric posts that I think a lot of Jinx's problems and tendencies were at least nascently there before he found her, but that doesn't mean that he is in the clear just because he might not have caused this behavior.

It's still the job of a parent to at least try to gently and supportively steer against behavior that is harmful to the child itself.

Yes, he told her not to trust anyone, but that has served him in the past. I mean, hell, look at what happened when he did trust someone. // And he wasn’t going to teach her anything else with his background.

I agree that he believes it, but that's exactly what I mean with 1.) he is uniquely ill-equipped 2.) his traumas/him not being able to see past his traumas stand in the way of being an actually, factually good parent to her in a variety of ways/situations.

Imposing these “he should have done” and “he’s an awful parent because” stuff is so dumb to me

LOL, I have written an entire post on this on why I think it is completely valuable to discuss "what would have been better". I do this for example with Vi all the time (ie should Vi have stayed on the bridge instead of Ekko? Should she have left and gone back to Zaun after she got Caitlyn off the bridge? Should she have gone back to Zaun after delivering Caitlyn to her parents?) And I have told Vi fans till I'm blue in the face, just because I think it's worth looking at those situations and why they might constitute "walking away from Jinx" or "prioritizing Caitlyn over Jinx" or "prioritizing revenge over Jinx" doesn't mean that Vi is a horrible unforgivable person.

You can’t teach something you don’t know, and you can’t give what you don’t have.

Which is the whole point here. His intent can still be good, but his factual effect can still be instances of bad/harmful parenting. Silco could have been 100% percent well intended, but the fact could still have been "Jinx was worse off due to his parenting".

And remember the whole justification for Silco even having had good intentions is that you have to buy into the idea that we was extremely blind and ignorant about just ... reality.

2. He (and the world they live in) lacks BASIC emotional/mental intelligence, there is no such thing-in this world-as therapy or mental support of any kind outside of the people you know. Again, we don’t know what Silco’s upbringing was, but looking at the man he turned out to be, I’m going to go out on a limb and say he wasn’t raised in a loving, supportive household, IF a household at all.

Agreed. That's exactly the point of "he is uniquely ill equipped to raise anybody and his own issues and traumas stood in the way of him giving Jinx the best care he could have given her". Which is why it's a tragedy. But the aspect of "this caused him to give her bad care in some areas" is still there.

Again you started out with the argument of "Silco probably did the best anyone could have done in that situation.

To which I say: no, obviously a Silco with more basic emotional intelligence or who had a loving supportive home life probably would have done better. (and yes I think there is probably a decent range of "normal" people in Zaun who would have maybe done comparatively okay, just like I think that Jinx would always had many challenges and pains in real life and it's not unreasonably that she would have ended up in some sort of life of crime in many different universes where Silco didn't have her, I don't think that it was mandatorily that she would have always ended up exactly the way she ended up, violent, remorseless, bad with allies, hostile against potential future allies, uncontrollable).

He could have found other ways for her to be useful, but...as he is a crime boss, crime is just kind of part of the territory.

Again that is my point. He could have done that (find other ways to be useful), but didn't. And it's a shortcoming of his that he didn't that he didn't find other ways for her to live out her destructive tendencies without exposing her as much to the wrath of others. There are less exposed jobs he could have had her done that wouldn't have exposed her so much and put her into the position where she slaughters 5 Firelights in front of her former friend Ekko making her a crapton of new enemies. But he is so locked into his limited fucked up world view he fails to consider the longterm downsides for her.

She COULD have made friends at any point. Maybe she just didn’t want to reconnect with anyone from the past or didn’t want to make new connections because being left by Vi didn’t leave her any desire to make new friends?

How do you know that she could have? If he is constantly telling her the world is betrayal and everybody is out to get them? And yes even if Jinx is the one who avoided contact with others: if your minor child is being antisocial I do think that it is the job of the parent to try and coax her out of it.

The way he screws up here is he brings his own abandonment issues into play.

Which is precisely the issue. His own abandonment issues blind him to what is best for Jinx. His own mental health issues stand in the way of doing what is right for Jinx. His hangups are the reason why he is ill equipped to be her parent. His hangups are also the reason why he can't see that and why he doesn't ask for help to compensate for the areas where he might be lacking.

His issues cause him to cling to her, which is an unhealthy parent-child dynamic that is experienced as stressful for many children and even if Jinx might not experience it as a bad thing doesn't mean that it isn't harmful for her (and I do think that some words of Jinx imply that she is not just happy with the situation).

But I do not think it is representative of a repeated pattern of Silco not respecting Jinx’s feelings, just in this, again, huge instance when he feels insanely threatened and scared.

See, I disagree. I think Jinx's isolation from others and what she talks about in regards to him always pushing the Vander story on her suggests that this is a long term pattern of theirs. I don't think that that magically popped up in episode 5.

But of course I read the scene where Silco picks her up as heavily "he did this because he saw himself in her" and the fact that he still seems to be doing it years later makes me extrapolate that this was likely are factor for at least many periods of their relationship.

People really love to say he projected his feelings onto her. I just do not see that. I really don't.

Again, this is what Jinx says. That's how he made her feel. And Jinx complains about him going on and on about Vander before the dinner scene, at the beginning of the baptism scene.

For the record: I do think that the baptism is well intended, not particularly hostile and not a big deal. I don't have a problem with it.

Projecting his issues comes mostly in how he treats Vi as a threat and insists she must be like Vander and Jinx should treat her correspondingly.

You can have an over-dependent or co-dependent relationship without that. // hahahahahahahaha rip silco, those abandonment issues got u by the throat

Agreed, And over-dependent and co-dependent relationships are very problematic even if they are not emotional incest. And Sico and Jinx have one of those co-dependent relationships. And that is on Silco that he clings to her obsessively to the extent that he makes the mistakes you listen. Which again, makes them have a fairly unhealthy parent-child relationship and again he not doing the "best anyone could have possibly done". Maybe Powder would always have been overly dependent on anyone, but the "co" part is on Silco. That's how he makes the relationship more unhealthy. Again, his abandonment issues standing in the way of being the best father he could be to Jinx, giving her the best relationship that is feasible in that situation.

And we are back to: Silco's specific heavy hangups (that are not just generic "oh, everyone in Zaun has those") are what make him a particularly poor choice to parent.

but I really don’t think Silco was an abusive or manipulative or "toxic" or "Bad for Jinx" parent.

I think they have an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. So in that sense he is a "bad for Jinx" parent. She would have been better off he had not been like that.

There is definitely a debate to be had whether he was still "good enough", but imo it's very clear that yes he could have been better in various minor ways.

So yeah, I guess I have a super lax view of Silco. Maybe my glasses are too rose-colored.

I think you have an extremely positive read on what their relationship was like before episode 4 and I just don't think that relationships become co-dependent overnight.

Coming at this as a parent, I just feel like…parents who love their kids, they screw up.

This I actually agree with. I think there are limits how perfect a parent anybody can be and anybody can look like a terrible parent if you overanalyze each choice.

I also think that "It turned out to be bad advice, but I genuinely thought that it was the best idea based on my information at the time" (ie when I encouraged you to study literature I thought that there would be jobs there when you are done) is a thing.

But at the same time ... I also think there the borders between that and genuinely problematic can be fluid.

Let's say a parent who grows up religious and sends their gay child to "Reformation/Straight Camp". And they do this because they genuinely think that this will save their soul and that that is an important thing.

At what point is this still normal parenting and at what point being a good parent requires you to either listen to your kids needs or being willing to broaden your worldview and listen to opinions outside?

(ie break out of your religious worldview and listen to the opinions of people who say being gay is okay)

IMO times come where being unable or unwilling to break out of your worldview is what causes you to do abusive and harmful things to your kid.

Heck, I think the majority of what everybody would consider abusive parents, ie the kind of beat their kids, likely were like that because they were ill-equipped, ie because they got married too young, because they grew up in abusive homes themselves, because they were traumatized at war.

In those cases, it's a moral challenge to ourselves to balance " something bad still happened" with "the person was a victim too/the person had their own challenges".

I tried to talk about this here that just because I say "thing X was probably bad" doesn't mean that it's an overall judgement on the character or the relationship and that the only deserving "punishment" for doing the bad thing would be banishment forever.

he just saw something threatening their bond and was falling back onto his defense mechanisms of manipulation and fear tactics as an “OH SHIT I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO USE!”

If this is your take on the situation, isn't it worth questioning (1) what does it say about their bond that it is so drastically threatened? That they don't have the kind of bond where he is confident that Jinx would reject Vi or that Jinx would maintain his relationship with him even if she reconnected with Vi? (2) why doesn't he have anything else to use.

Could it be that his toolkit is woefully limited or that he didn't do a good job of laying the groundwork for other tools?

There is something so beautiful to me in watching broken people love one another.

I do think that there is beauty in there, but IMO Silco's biggest "crime" as a parent is that he locked her into that. That he didn't just keep her from Vi but also isolated her from others/let herself isolate from others.

Yes, he has abandonment issues, but him being not being able to look past that is what result in him being very flawed as a parent. Part of being a good parent is being able to love the kid more than you love yourself, putting her needs beyond yours, understanding your own limits, getting help, being able to back off if needed etc.

The point came where he would have had to be the better person and think about sharing her, but he couldn't he was too selfish or damaged for that.

You can say that he is not morally at fault for it because trauma/mental health issue/it's larger than him, but even if he is not "at fault" it still leads to him do bad/harmful parenting onto Jinx.

I actually do like their relationship, you can look through my blog I spend a lot of time debating with Vi fans in defense of Silco.

But even as a fan of Silco, IMO it's clear that he fell short for her, even in the context of his own morality.

And I also think, as much as I like the relationship between Silco and Jinx, Vi clearly is a HUGE deal for Jinx. It's deeply important to her. And I don't think she is lying about this when she talks about during the dinner scene. I think she demonstrates his amply in all her actions regarding to Vi.

And to me that points towards Jinx having a deep craving in her life that Silco was NOT properly addressing and filling. And that's what makes it more to me than just "oh, he misreacted for 5 minutes and said one problematic thing to her.

Here are imo the show hints that I interpret as the relationship between Silco and Jinx was fraught:

1.) I take her words about Vi at the dinner mostly seriously. No, Jinx is not a reliable narrator. But to me I still see a girl who expresses a deep yearning.

A yearning that Silco was not able to properly address. As I said, I don't really fault him the baptism. But I see a girl who didn't just start missing Vi magically in episode 4.

To me Jinx comes across like a girl who had this craving and grief for Vi which she couldn't properly discuss with Silco.

IMO likely because he did shut it down with "Vi is just like Vander, don't miss her" talk or because she didn't bring it up because she thought he would do that.

Jinx feels like a girl who has this thing (her yearning for Vi) and feels like she isn't necessarily being heard. (and I think that is believable even under shimmer because we see traces of it before Shimmer, not strongly worded ones, but still straces)

Again the "sane" and "perfect" parent route (which I don't expect Silco to do, but I still think there is value in setting up a baseline of what we are talking about) would have been:

- see that Jinx/Powder is struggling with this (and with that I mean like "within the year where he took her" not "when he sees it in episode 4")

- encourage her to open up

- listen to her positive stories about Vi too and acknowledge that her feelings on Vi are more mixed than his feelings on Vander

- under the assumption that Vi is dead, encourage her to grieve properly

- try to make this something you share and build upon

- understand that even though you think that hating the person who betrayed you made you a stronger person, you are not her and maybe for her "your sister probably didn't mean it, it's not her fault that she ran off and got killed" might give Jinx/Powder more peace

And under the influence of all that when Vi comes up again, understand that this topic needs to be handled in a more delicate manner.

2.) I think that Jinx's willingness to kill herself and Ekko on that bridge rather than let herself be captured (where Silco could have likely have bailed her out) is a huge red flag and couldn't have been in Silco's interest.

If your daughter is suicidal, that might be a sign that you should finetune your parenting.

3.) While Jinx was under the influence of Shimmer and that should be taken into consideration, I do wonder if the fact that Jinx was so willing to misinterpret Silco's words isn't an indicator that part of her feared that he might be using her or that he would sell her out.

A lot of what Jinx does even while Shimmered seems to be an amplified version of what she feels.

So who is to say that he did not have her feel 100% secure and that's why she was so quick to conclusions?

I honestly think Silco did the absolute best he could with the tools he had

Yes, but his tools were uniquely unsuitable because he is uniquely damaged even within the setting. And part of his damage is being blind to his damage/his weaknesses.

And that was beautiful and perfect to him because that IS Zaun—not letting the world and your shitty circumstances get you down, being strong and standing tall in spite of the crappy world around you and despite your brokenness.

That is Zaun, but who is to say that Jinx is the perfect way to live it. Ekko also lives Zaun and embodies Zaun. So does Viktor. And if you accept game canon so do Zeri and Seraphine.

To me it seems to be an inheritance of Silco's world view that this amount of violence and brutality are mandatorily part of this. Ekko has seen at least some amount of brutality and Ekko isn't helpless.

It is his worldview that this is the only way to live despite the fact that people around him do live differently. And this is the point where we have to question whether Silco's worldview is correct.

I tend to think that all of the presented worldviews are likely flawed.

I do think that

1.) Silco's worldview that making Zaun independent is this amazing great goal is very flawed because it does not address systemic problems and just because you slap independence on it doesn't mean that people magically live better lives.

I think Jinx's story of being oppressed and hassled by others and doing and experiencing violence because of it is still very possible in an independent Zaun ruled by chem barons.

So I don't think that his way of viewing the world ensures a better life for the next generation of Jinx-es.

2.) Even if he thinks "no, it's great that Zaun is still violent and oppressed by chem barons, that is important for character growth and strength" that is a highly problematic point of view to take morally. "I'm going to intentionally cause harm to something in the interesting of some dubious concept of strength".

3.) I think in the end Silco as a villain was hurt by the stance that made him unnecessary enemies in the Firelights and within the chem barons.

Again, a willingness to break out of a toxic worldview and question your worldview is I would argue a very important factor as a parent.

And Silco being very locked into his worldview is one of his weaknesses as a parent and I think "he just has a realistic perspective on Zaun" is highly debatable.

(and even if it was 100% true, it would still show the strength of character to question and reexamine it on occasion, something that I don't think Silco does/only starts doing by the very end of the show when it's too late)

He taught her the things he felt would help her be strong IN THE SOCIETY THEY LIVE IN. // Obviously, from our perspective, that is not a healthy thing to teach a child, but again, what kind of society do they live in?

Again, this is based on his very narrow and skewed world view on what this society is like, what the proper reaction to this society is and what constitutes strength. For the record: I don't think Vander or Ekko's views on this matter are perfect either and like I said I think a big deal isn't just whether your view on reality is correct but also to what extent you are willing to question and adapt it if necessary.

IMO some amounts of rigidity of worldview (unable to let go of the betrayal, unable to let go of Jinx, unable to see Vi as anything other than a threat) are baked into him as a character and that is a problematic trait for a parent in his situation (which again doesn't mean that some amount of rigidity and conviction and confidence aren't good traits, it's always a matter of circumstance and dosage).

And don't get me wrong, particularly as a villain I think it should be acknowledged that he learns at all (I read a really interesting take that a defining feature of many villains is that they don't learn, while I don't think that this is true of all villains, it is an interesting way to think of a lot of villains that their problem is that they don't learn or learn the false lessons from setbacks), but within the circumstance, it seems like a "too little too late" thing.

I do not think that people shouldn't like Silco or his relationship with Jinx. I don't think that there is anything with taking positive inspiration from the parts he did well.

But I also do think it's worth discussing the way he was lacking and where he might have gone wrong and the parts you maybe don't want to learn from him and the parts where his approach probably led to problems don't the line.

And I do think that his problems as a parent are more complex than "he lied to her a single time". A relationship doesn't just become fraught overnight. It takes years to build up to that point.

You can see him as a flawed person and learn lessons from the things he did well, but also by firmly questioning and rejecting the things he failed to do well.

People are complex, they can have good sides and bad sides, good traits and bad traits, good traits don't make the bad traits not exist and bad traits don't make the good traits not exist.

I just don't think that "he meant well" and "he did as best as he could with his very limited traits" makes the ways he fell short vis a vis Jinx not exist.

IMO you can "do a bad parenting" without always being a bad parent or without meaning to or without being a bad person.

The question is whether you are willing to learn from it.

IMO "try to look beyond world view" and "try to fix your own problems in order to be a better parent/to be more well equipped as a parent" and "try to productively handle your kid's crisis" and "know the limits of your experience and how applicable your experience is your kid's experience, make sure to keep checking back with your kid whether this is what they really want" and "don't go behind your kids back on a major issue like a blood relative returning" are valuable lessons we can learn from the things Silco did not do well.

In addition to "encourage them" and "be sensitive and acceptive of their mental illness and don't look down on them for it" and "defend them in public, question them in private" being things you could learn from his positive traits.

And imo more debatably but I think:

- Don't overshare your traumas with your kids, it's okay and right to sanitize depending on the age of the kid

- Don't just go along with everything your kid might want, you aren't a bad parent for lovingly and sensibly setting boundaries and asking questiona and (yes always check back with your kid for feedback) seeing whether the same instinct can be steered differently/the same need can be met in a different way

Are also valid things to live by.

I would also point out that there is a big difference between your claim of "he did the best that ANYONE could have done" and "he did the best with his (imo woefullly flawed, broken and lacking) tools". You say the first early in the response and the latter in your summaries.

But those are very different things.

It's like... I dunno, a 5 year old driving a truck. The 5 year old might be driving the best as they possibly could, but that probably doesn't change that a 5 year old shouldn't have been behind the wheel?

I don't want this to read as "people with severe trauma shouldn't have children" or "people with severe trauma shouldn't be adoptive parents". But I do think that "people with severe trauma who are also parents should be honest of areas where they might be less well equipped and be willing to ask for help as this has the potential to lead to an overall better parenting experience".

No parenting experience is optimal. And the vast majority of parenting experiences are going to leave some scars simply because scars are unavoidable. But that doesn't mean that there can't be room for improvement and that it doesn't go to somebody's credit if an interest for improvement is within their repertoire.

And I realize that this is really rambly and repetitive and I'll try to rephrase this into a post that is more concise and grouped into themes (ie "good intentions don't prevent bad outcomes" and "acting on a limited world view" and "not impeding her does not imply good parenting"). :)

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Oh god so, since ive been watching and reading black butler a lot again Ive obviously also been thinking a lot abt it and it made me unlock this memory qnd have this kinda harrowing realization

For context, I was pretty active on Wattpad at the time, specifically the german side, specifically the german minecraft youtuber side, although I was slowly getting into fully fictional ships at that point as well. One day, one of the people I followed made this "book" or whatever that was like, a roleplay ? Idk the way it worked was that you would 'apply' by just making your character under the comments of one chapter and then go to the comment section of the next chapter where the creator had a comment that was like "RP starts here" and then you replied to that and thats where the rp took place. There wasnt really any direction to this whole thing lmao it was called like "Wattpadtown" or smth and the "premise" was literally just "a bunch of people who got some weird bullshit goin on hanging out in this wacky town" and the entire roleplay was basicalld just one extended shitpost, I really wish I could find it and read through some of it because it was WILD

We ended up being like 8 "main" people in this roleplay (rip to all the other people who applied lmao there were a lot surprisingly enough) and I actually became somewhat close friends w/ the person who started it although we never took it out of the wattpad comments section, at me most we would pm eachother so we've unfortunately lost contact lol. One thing to note about all 8 of us was that we were all pretty big billdip shippers. This is important bc the reason I got into Black Butler because of billdip basically lmao

Like, idk if these were that popular in other fandoms, but there were a lot of these Ask or Dare book for Billdip were you would ask your favorite characters/ships questions or tell them dares or whatever and then someone would write the weirdest most poorly written bullshit around it and its really funny I hope they still make those. But yknow, just having two guys interact in your ask or dare book is kinda boring so you'd get a lot of crossovers with other pairings, popular ones were like Willdip, Mawill, Tomco I remember a german one that had the bluehaired guy x the redhaired guy from Assassination Classroom that was fun. And obviously they would do Sebaciel, like, those two ships are soooooooo in the same ballpark its insane. Anyway, so Im reading this one ask or dare book, mostly for the billdip stuff but Sebastian n Ciel are also there and in one of the chapters they get this dare: "everyone, watch the corset scene from the anime" I remember this very vividly. These ask or dare books could get very meta btw. So they do that ig, and we get their reactions idk how Bill n Dipper reacted but Ciel is all flustered and Sebastian is all flirty or whatever bc the characterization in these books is the bane of my existence. Whatever, the important part is, Im kind of intrigued now bc I was coming out of that in that phase where anything gay seemed like, Scandalous and Exciting(tm) because I was starting to get used to it by that point bc I read a lot of gay fanfic HOWEVER media that had like, canon gay shit in it still seemed Scandolous and Exciting(tm) because yknow, i didnt know a lot of that and its also just different consuming fan content vs Actual Media(tm) yknow. So I watched it and I enjoyed it and I got to The Corset Scene and.. I was not disappointed thats for sure

So thats my story, lets get back to the roleplay stuff. Me and those 8 people would often talk (still in the wattpad comment section) about like, other stuff and one evening the creator wrote like "Heyy can anyone recommend an anime to me, I just binged attack on titan again but now Im sad again because my fave Marco died and like, yeah I have this theory that hes still alive as a titan but still :'( need something to cheer me up" idk why I remember this so vividly now because Ive only watched a single episode of aot so this is borderline incomprehensible to me to this day but whatever. I know she liked billdip and since I liked billdip and then I watched black butler and really liked it I jumped on the chance to tell her to watch it. ALSO I knew that she looooved pretty anime guys and Sebastian is a very pretty and very anime guy so I knew she would adore it. So then she tells me that shes gonna go find and watch it and Im like "YESSSSSSS pls tell me what you think"

Less than 10 minutes later she writes me back like "okayyyyy Im loving it so far (and Sebastian is reaaaallly cute xD) I just have one question tho: why do they have british accents" and I didnt really think anything of it I was just kinda like "Yeah it takes place in 19th century england ig" but I just came to a weirdly upsetting realization; she was definitely not watching it in japanese but also, they dont do accents in the german dub which means......... Ciel and Sebastian have british accents in the english dub.

[stargazing-dreamer-girl]

My sister’s ghost band and me

In which you sometimes forget that you’re dealing with ghosts and can’t actually touch them.

Platonic!Alex Mercer x reader, platonic!Reggie Peters x reader, platonic!Luke Patterson x reader

Oh, it’s gender neutral reader btw

WC: 6k

A/N: It’s finally finished! I worked really hard on this, so I hope you like it. For some reason I can’t tag the person who commented on my post about the concept for this story, but I hope this finds their way to them :)

Ever since the three ghost boys have appeared in your life nothing has been the same. Your sister Julie who had lost such a big part of herself when your mother died finally had that back and you’ve never been prouder of her. The music she was making with the guys was so beautiful and you would never stop being grateful to them for doing what you couldn’t, bringing music back into her life.

So, it was no wonder that the one song of them that was on YouTube was playing on repeat in your household. You were humming along to ‘Edge of Great’ while preparing dinner when the front door opened and your dad walked in.

“Man, I love that song!” He exclaimed when he noticed what you were listening to. He shrugged off his coat moving his head along to the beat.

“No way! Me too!” You laughed turning the volume down a little, so you could talk to your dad without having to scream over the music. He came over to the kitchen, pressing a small kiss to your temple in greeting before glancing into the pot and letting out a cheer.

“Yes! Your pasta! I love you!” He pulled you into a hug eliciting another laugh from you. When you looked over at him, he was still staring into the pot mesmerized. You lifted up your hand to bop his nose taking him out of that trance.

“Love you, too, papi.” The alarm going off then alerted you that the breadsticks were done, so you moved around your dad to take them out of the oven. “I know you need to take Carlos to practice, so I’ll just set some aside for you guys and you can reheat it when you get back.”

“Yes, right. Thank you!” He called for your little brother right after who came running down the stairs immediately. “Let’s go!” You shouted a quick “Bye!” after them which was left unheard with the door falling shut before you finished talking. The only noise in the kitchen now was the muffled music coming from the studio, the video you had been watching having finished long ago. You shut your laptop and put it in the living room to make some room in the kitchen.

You were about to call Julie in for dinner, before you thought better of it. Instead, you filled two plates with pasta and took some breadsticks, before you left the house and walked over to where your sister’s band was rehearsing. The music got louder the closer you got to the big white doors, a song you didn’t recognize playing.

Pushing one of the doors farther open with your foot while balancing the plates you were greeted with the sight of Julie belting out what had to be the last note of their new song before they noticed you. Luke was the first to look over, exclaiming your name with a smile on his face which prompted the rest of the group to turn towards you as well.

“I brought dinner!” You announced, mostly to Julie since the three boys weren’t capable of eating anything. She moved away from the keyboard to take one of the plates from your hands setting it down on the table. You followed right after her after greeting the boys and went to sit down on the floor, your back leaning against the couch. “That sounded great! Is it a new song?” You asked before taking the first bite.

The guys moved to join Julie and you around the table. Even though they couldn’t eat they still provided great company. When Luke sat down right next to Julie you shared a look with Alex. You were always talking about how obvious the chemistry between the two was on stage and wondered if it would ever transition to off-stage as well.

“Yeah, it’s called ‘Stand Tall’ and it’s definitely an anthem!”

“Well, I’d love to hear the whole thing some time.”

Julie nodded excitedly. “Just come to the next band practice! I don’t even know what you’re always doing huddled up in the house.”

“Gee, thanks! I might be focusing on school work or something equally insignificant.”

“You can just do your work here while you’re listening to us play,” Reggie chimed in, earning approving nods from the group.

 Alex plopped out of the studio at some point during dinner saying something about meeting Willie. Julie left shortly after as soon as she was done eating. Flynn had texted her and wanted her to come over. But, being the good sister that she was, she took your plate inside with her before she left. Then it was just you, Reggie and Luke left in the studio although the latter didn’t really count since he was so focused on songwriting that he didn’t react at all to anything you said.

You remained sitting on the ground, but turned to face Reggie. He had made himself comfortable on the couch you had been leaning against. Resting your head on your arm you looked up at him, a small smile on your face.

“What’s up with you?” He asked, an uneasy chuckle escaping him as he realized that your undivided attention was on him.

You bit your lip trying to refrain from breaking out into a huge grin. “I heard the cheerleaders talking about you today,” you told him with a wiggle of your eyebrows.

His face went red in an instant, a stark contrast to his pale skin tone. He started stammering before just smiling wildly over at Luke. “You hear that, dude? The cheerleaders talk about me!” But Luke was still so focused on his notebook that he didn’t notice. He did, however, notice it when Reggie threw his flannel at him to get his attention.

“Hey!” he exclaimed, scrunching up the flannel in his hands before throwing it back at his friend, hitting him right in the head. “What did you do that for?”

“You’re not listening! They just told me some great news and you didn’t even listen!”

“Wait! What news?” Luke shut his book focusing his attention on you as he waited for you to repeat yourself, probably expecting something more exciting than what you have told Reggie. You could see it in his face. When your words sunk in, his face fell, his expression somewhere between boredom and annoyance. “And that’s why you stopped me? Dude, I was working on some killer lyrics!” With that he grabbed his notebook again and teleported out of the garage.

Reggie quickly got over his best friend abruptly leaving and turned back to you. “Well, I hope, you told them that you know me. I’m nothing without my greatest fan.”

“So, I’m your greatest fan now?”

“Well, of course, there can’t be another reason you’re always at our gigs,” he replied smugly, leaning forward in his seat. “And always notice when someone’s talking about me.”

You tried to hide behind your hands as you felt heat rising to your head. “I’m just attentive when it comes to my sister’s band. It’s got nothing to do with you personally.” You shrug, peeking a glance at him from behind your hands. The pout on his face made you reconsider though. “But you’re a pretty great guy.”

He moved off the couch to sit on the floor with you. You had already learned that Reggie could be easily excitable. He was like a puppy, so you couldn’t resist when he watched you with a big smile and sparkling eyes to bop his nose like you always did with your siblings and your dad. What you didn’t factor in was that your finger would go right through his face.

You quickly pulled your hand away and jumped up to bring some distance between yourself and the situation. The pacing you started wasn’t really a conscious choice. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. It was an impulse and I momentarily forgot. God, that was so awkward. I can’t believe that just happened. I’m so sorry, Reggie.”

When you were met with silence you stopped your pacing to look up at him. He was still on the ground following you with his eyes. But instead of looking horrified or angry he had a smile on his face when he called your name. “It’s fine. I feel honored, really.” The confused look on your face prompted him to explain some more. “I always see how you do that to Julie, Carlos, your dad, even Flynn. You do it to the people you care about and I’m happy I’m one of them, even if it’s not the same and it might be a little weird, ‘cause, like, I can feel something but it’s not quite touch. But I can definitely feel that you have a lot of love in your heart. You mean a lot to me, too. To all of us. I wouldn’t mind if it happened again because I know it means that you love us.”

“That was really sappy.” You tried to play it off but his words meant a lot to you. They were true and having it laid out in front of you like that brought tears to your eyes.

“Oh shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry!” He jumped up and quickly moved over to you. His hands hovered just above your cheeks. He was cursing himself for not being able to wipe your tears now and just wrap you into a hug.

“They’re not sad tears, Reggie. I’m fine. I’m just… grateful to have you guys in my life.” You gave him a small smile before excusing yourself to turn in for the night. The incident replayed in your mind and even though you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by the fact that you forgot about him being a ghost for a second you appreciated the words he told you.

 The incident was soon forgotten. Well, not that soon. You had made the grave mistake of telling Julie about it and she went on to tell it to Flynn. They both kept teasing you because of it. But at some point, even that died down and you didn’t have to constantly think about your slipup. Reggie’s behavior around you didn’t change at all either which calmed you immensely.

When you got home that afternoon the house was unusually quiet and when you shouted out for your family members nobody gave you a reaction.

“Nobody’s home,” sounded from your right, making you jump in surprise. Alex, adorned by his pink sweatshirt, had appeared right next to you. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. But I heard you come home and thought I’d come over. Julie and Luke are working on some lyrics, so they banned us from the garage.”

You calmed down from the shock fairly quickly. A side effect of having ghost friends was that it didn’t freak you out as much anymore when one just appeared out nowhere, or at least you learned to recover fast. “So, where’s Reggie? I can’t imagine he got to stay when you were thrown out.”

“Oh no, he’s down by the beach, I think. He sometimes still goes to where his house used to be and just sits there for a while.” You hadn’t known that. It always seemed like Reggie was faring well with being a ghost, but appearances can be deceiving. That’s nothing new.

“It must be hard for you guys. Knowing that the people you knew now have a completely different life while for you guys it was just such a short period of time. How long did you say it felt like you were in that dark room? An hour? That must be so surreal.”

“An hour, yeah,” he confirmed. “I mean, it’s not like we had the best relationship with our parents to begin with, but not even knowing if they are still alive or where they are, is pretty weird.”

“I could try to find them for you.” It was more of a question than a statement, but you at least wanted to give him the option. “If that’s what you want.” He said nothing for a while, just stared at the floor, at you, at the pictures hanging at the wall. “You don’t have to decide now. I just wanted to let you know that that may be an option, but I get it if that’s not what you want. Just take your time and think about it.”

You picked up your backpack you had dropped when Alex first appeared and moved towards the stairs. “I need to do my homework. Do you want to join me?”

He nodded excitedly. “I’ll see you in your room!” He announced and popped out of the living room. You could just shake your head at the use of teleportation, but hurried to get up to your room yourself.

Alex was already lying on your bed when you got there and set your backpack down by your desk. “That sure seems convenient.”

“What does? Oh! That! It kinda is. Still freaks me out sometimes, too, though.” He rolled to lie on his stomach and watched you sit down at your desk. “Do you have a lot to do?”

“Not really.” You shook your head, grabbing the stuff you needed. “I should be quick.”

So, you did your homework with Alex watching you. From time to time he asked questions about what you were learning in school and you explained it to him to the best of your knowledge. That was one of the reasons you liked doing homework with Alex. Explaining the material to him helped you understand it better as well. And you just liked being around him.

When you were done you didn’t even bother to put the stuff away before you jumped onto the bed next to Alex. “So, what have you and Willie been up to?” You asked. The boy next to you turned onto his back to look up at the ceiling and you followed suit.

“He took me to an empty museum and then we screamed there.” His voice went up at the end, making it sound like a question. He actually just didn’t know how to say it without it sounding completely bizarre. “It was actually really freeing.” He paused to think about his next words. If he spoke about it, it would become a real thing and he didn’t know if he was ready for that. But eventually, he did speak them. “I don’t know. I really like hanging out with him. It’s fun and he gets me to do things I normally wouldn’t. He teaches me about stuff I’ve missed out on. And I think I’m falling for him. Hard. And I don’t know what to do about it. I mean, a ghost romance? That sounds weird to me. Does a thing like that even work?”

You thought about it for a second. You didn’t even know if that question was just rhetorical or if he actually wanted an answer, but it was an interesting thing to think about.

“I mean, you’re both ghosts. You can see and hear and touch each other. It’s not that different from a relationship between living people, I’d say. You just won’t grow old together. Physically, I mean. But what matters most are your feelings. So, if you like him, go for it. He seems like a great guy.”

“He is,” Alex answered absentmindedly, a dreamy smile on his face as he looked off into the distance.

“You’re so cute!” You squealed and lifted your hand to his nose but stopped yourself before actually reaching his face. The moment with Reggie flashed back into your mind before you dropped your hand. The nose bops you gave your family had become second nature for you, so actively stopping yourself felt wrong. Not doing it to show your affection felt wrong. But you didn’t want a repeat of that embarrassing situation. Instead, you laughed it off when Alex tilted his head questioningly. “Anyways, I’m hungry. Would you give me the honor of joining me in the kitchen?” you asked dramatically after standing up from your bed.

He didn’t even answer, but disappeared with a plop. “You coming?” sounded from downstairs right after. You could just shake your head at him but hurried downstairs nonetheless.

“You have to stop doing that! It’s so unfair!” You complained when you reached the kitchen and opened the fridge. Pulling out some ingredients for a sandwich you looked back at your friend. “And you always complain about them too! But then you use them nonetheless. Sounds to me like you don’t appreciate what you have.”

“What is he not appreciating?” sounded a voice behind you which made you scream in surprise. Not your proudest moment.

“Luke!” You scolded the brunet who had appeared in the kitchen as well. “Don’t do that me! You guys are gonna kill me one day!” He gave you a sweet smile as he apologized. You couldn’t stay mad at him if he looked at you like that.

“So, what is Alex not appreciating?”

“His ghost abilities! You guys can teleport and summon your instruments. That’s so cool! And Alex just keeps complaining about stuff. And I get it. To get those abilities you had to die which is not great at all, but you can’t change it, so I say you should just appreciate what you have,” you ranted while preparing your sandwich. Luke watched on, nodding along to what you were saying. His face fell a little when you mentioned their deaths, but he came back around quickly.

“I totally agree. We can do some really cool stuff now. I always tell Alex the same thing, it-“

“Ok, yeah, I see you two are conspiring against me here, so I’m just gonna go and leave you guys to it.” With that he plopped out of the kitchen, disappearing off to who-knows-where.

“As I was saying, isn’t it amazing how we are connected to our instruments, even in death? And that we can summon them! And the teleporting, of course! It’s so easy to get around!” Luke jumped into a monologue telling you all about the upsides of being a ghost while you just stood there and listened.

You could see it in his eyes before he started speaking about it. The bad parts of it all. The fact that he can go see his parents but that they will never know he was there, that they have to live with the fact that their child died before them. It was like that for all the boys. Thinking about their parents, their families, it was painful. Luke didn’t know if his situation, actually being able to visit his parents, was better than what Reggie and Alex had to live with. Their parents had left. They had nothing to go back to. But their family situations also were not that great. Which was another part. None of them would ever have a chance to make things right with their parents. If that would even have been possible when they were alive. It was a big ‘if’, but one that plagued the boys’ minds often.

Hearing him talk about it, you were reminded of your family. Your dad, tia Victoria, Carlos, Julie. Your mom. Even if she wasn’t with you anymore, you were glad you still had the others. You couldn’t begin to imagine what it was like for them. All you wanted to do right now was to give Luke a hug and to let him know that you were there for him.

“Luke.” You finally spoke up after a minute of silence that had occurred after his story. You weren’t quite sure what to say. No words would be right to express your thoughts and feelings in this moment. “We love you, Luke. Reggie, Alex, Julie and I. We all love you. I know we can never be your mom or your dad, but we’re family. You mean so much to us. I know, we haven’t known each other for a long time, but you guys have become such a huge part of our lives. It’s crazy! I just want you to know that you’re not alone. You have people who love you. And your parents love you, too. Even if they can’t see you, even if they don’t know you’re there. They love you.”

Tears started to cloud your vision, mimicking the ones that were already rolling down Luke’s face. His blurry figure moved to stand close to you. You felt a coldness at your nose. Realizing what he did you let out a small chuckle. It was a ritual shared between you and your loved ones, letting you know that your words had reached him, that he understood and felt the same.

Hearing your name spoken from the direction of the front door you were pulled out of the situation. A quiet plopping sound let you know that Luke had left. “Why are you crying in the kitchen?” Carlos asked. Your little brother cautiously moved towards where you were standing as if he was dealing with a scared animal. “Is it a feelings thing? Should I call Julie?”

“I’m fine, Carlos. Don’t worry. But… would you give me a hug?” You opened your arms to lure him in.

“Eww no. Get away from me!” He started running away when you stepped closer. You followed suit with your arms wide open. And that was how your dad found you when he came home from work that day, you chasing Carlos around the living room. Your tears had dried and were replaced with laughter. Especially when your dad took your side and scooped Carlos up in his arms as he tried to run past him.

“Group hug!” you exclaimed and joined the two in a hug with Carlos still complaining even though he didn’t do anything to get out of the situation.

 “Can you tell the boys I won’t make it to practice today? Something came up.” Before you could answer her, Julie had already hung up on you. You were left wondering what was so important that she would miss band practice, but soon gave up on actually finding an answer to that.

You had almost been home when you got the call, so instead of going into the house you went straight for the garage to let the boys know Julie wouldn’t be coming. Faint music was coming from there. It seemed like they already started without her anyway.

“Guys! How many times do we have to tell you not to play when neither Julie or I are here? Our dad could hear you! And Carlos is already on that whole ghost hunting trip, so you shouldn’t feed into it anymore than you already did!” You side-eyed Reggie with that last comment, but he kept his eyes on his bass, plucking on the strings.

“Well, hello to you, too, Molina. We are doing great. Thanks for asking.” Luke had stepped up to you, guitar still hanging around his neck. “Nobody’s home and we were playing on volume 1. No one could have heard us,” he justified their behavior.

“Okay, fine.” You relented. It did make sense that they should be allowed to play under those circumstances. “Anyways, Julie won’t make it to practice today, so if you want to work on some stuff without her, I’ll stay out here with you.”

“Well, it won’t really be band practice, if not even the whole band is present,” Alex noted to which the others agreed.

“But you should still stay out here with us!” Reggie exclaimed and if he could, he would’ve pulled you from your spot by the doors to the couch, so you wouldn’t even have a chance to think about leaving. But he couldn’t, so he tried to will you to move with his thoughts. When you walked over to the couch you noticed the astonished look on Reggie’s face, but decided not to comment on it.

“Why do you barely spend time here with us? It feels like we always have to come into the house to spend time with you,” Alex questioned. His hands were fumbling with the hem of his sweatshirt as he made eye contact with you. He realized in that moment there was much more to that question than he had thought.

You hesitated with your answer, not knowing if you should put your innermost thoughts and feelings out there, but after the talk you had with Luke the other day you knew you could trust them. “I don’t know. I guess, it still feels weird being in mom’s studio. Some moments it doesn’t bother me, but other times it just overwhelms me and it reminds me so much of mom that I can’t stay in here. I’m sorry. I love spending time with you guys, but sometimes it’s just too much.” Your gaze moved around the studio, from the floating chairs over to the grand piano and back to the boys in front of you. “Some days are just harder than others.” You shrugged, hoping that the boys wouldn’t stay on that topic.

“But Ju-“ Luke started but was stopped when Alex elbowed him in the side. “Dude, what? Julie ha- ohh. Sorry!” he mumbled, averting his gaze. Comparing people’s grieving progress was not a thing one should do and he just realized after, what he had been doing and regretted it instantly.

“Anyways, you know what I realized?” Reggie decided to change the topic for which you all were grateful. “You have never heard a live performance of a Sunset Curve song! You’ve just heard us play the new songs with Julie.”

“That’s right!” Luke piped up, back in his element. “We can play you something!” He jumped up and grabbed his guitar without even waiting for your answer. The other boys followed suit. Alex got situated behind his drums while Reggie grabbed his bass. Moving up to the mic in the front Luke pointed a finger at you. “This one’s for you! This is Now or Never.”

You recognized the song as the first track on their demo. The song that got them here. It brought back memories of the night they first showed up in the studio. Your dad had asked Julie to go through the stuff in the studio for the move. She had begged you to come with her since she didn’t want to be alone to do it. When you found the demo, you didn’t think anything about it when you put it into the player, but then the boys appeared and turned your whole life upside down.  And now you were here, with a ghost band playing you a song, for everyone to hear, but only you to see.

You were the only one who got to see Reggie and Luke sharing a mic, Reggie rocking with Alex in the back, them all just feeling the music. It was indeed what they were born to do. It was obvious for anyone who saw them on stage that that was where they belonged.

When the song came to a close you jumped up and applauded them. They bowed to you, big smiles on their faces at your reaction. “You guys sound great! I loved it! Thank you!”

The song still resonated within you when you sat back down with the boys. Their excited chatter filled your ears as you watched them interact with each other. The short amount it had taken you and Julie to get used to the presence of ghosts was crazy, but you couldn’t think them away anymore. They had become such a big part of your life as if they had always been there. You liked to believe in Flynn’s theory that it had been your mom who had brought them into your life, that she looked out for you and your family even from beyond the grave.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when Alex spoke to you. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I was asking what you’re thinking about.” He repeated himself.

“Oh, um, you guys, my mom, Julie. Everything that’s happened… You guys are really important to me, you know. It’s… I don’t know. We haven’t known each other for that long, but I wouldn’t want to think you guys out of my life even if that might be selfish of me.”

“Well, good thing we’re not planning on leaving,” Luke commented, sending you a wink. You scoffed but let a smile take over your features. They were idiots, but they were your idiots.

“So, what’s been happening at school?”

You looked at Reggie with a raised eyebrow. “You want to know about school? Really?”

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “I actually kinda miss it.” He looked between Luke and Alex to see if they felt similar but got no reaction from them. “Well, guess I’m the only one. But how is it?”

“Same as usual, I guess. Bunch of work to do, some good teachers, some bad, Carrie starting drama as usual. Did Julie tell you Nick broke up with Carrie?” The boys shook their head no, now intrigued. “Well, he told Julie he broke up with her because she’s “not the nicest person” which is true, obviously. We all know that. But I wonder why he just saw it now? Like, why did he get together with her in the first place? I never knew! Someday they were just together and I have zero clue how it happened,” you let them know, “Oh, and Julie and Nick partnered up in dance class!”

“They did?” Alex exclaims, living for the drama. “Isn’t he the guy Julie likes?”

“He is! She’s been crushing on him for, like, forever! And now that he’s not with Carrie anymore and they spend time together at dance practice…” You let the end of the sentence hang in the air. “So, yeah, that’s what’s been happening at school,” you concluded. With the boys showing up at school sometimes, you didn’t know how up-to-date they actually were with Los Feliz High drama. If you could even call it that.

“So, she’s with him now?” Luke huffed. He frowned as he leaned back against the couch. “Instead of practicing with her band.”

“She might be.” You shrugged. “I actually don’t know where she is or what she’s doing. She’s her own person, you know. She might be my sister, but that doesn’t mean I know every single piece of information about her. I can just assume. And I like to assume that she’s with Nick, practicing their dance. Because, one, they get a grade for it and she shouldn’t fail and two, because I am living for the whole Nick drama.”

“Same,” added Alex in a nonchalant voice which had you do a doubletake.

“Wait! Did you learn that from Willie? You didn’t use ‘same’ that way before, right? That’s not a 90s thing.” You stared at him with big eyes. The confirmation came as a small nod as he turned his head to avoid anyone’s gaze. “That’s cute. I like it. Sometimes I feel like you guys don’t understand me right when I say stuff like that, so that’s awesome that he teaches you stuff like that.”

“Hey! I want to learn that stuff, too!”

“Well, Reggie, Alex can just teach you what he learns from Willie.”

“But what if I want you to teach me?” He asked moving over to your seat. He sat down on the arm rest of your chair looking down at you with big puppy eyes.

“I’d be such a bad teacher. Just tell me if you don’t understand something and I’ll try. I can’t promise you I know all of the references or memes though. You do know what a meme is by now, right?” The boys nodded. “Ok, good. That’s a start. Now, Reggie, may I please have the chair back to myself? It’s not that big to begin with.”

The boy stood up quickly with raised hands, before he motioned for you and the chair. “It wouldn’t really make a difference. I’m basically air.” He flailed his arms around. Luke and Alex just made some agreeing noises. Reggie stopped his wild moments as he saw you watching with a smile and a raised eyebrow. “See.” He knelt down in front of you and lifted a finger to your nose. He gently pressed down, the cold feeling of his finger not going through you this time.

As his finger made contact with your nose it became dead silent in the studio. Luke and Alex were staring at the scenario in front of them, while you and Reggie looked at each other with wide eyes, before you jumped up causing Reggie to quickly move back. “You can touch me!” you exclaimed. “How? Why? What? How is this possible?”

Your mind was racing with just one thought being clear in all the chaos. Reggie had just touched you. You were scared, in a way, as you held out your hand towards him again. Would you be able to do it again? Was it just a one-time thing? But when you felt the ghostly touch of his hand as he interlaced his fingers with yours you knew it was real. It felt different than touching a human. There was no warmth, but you could still feel him. You could feel his hand in yours.

Your other hand was shaking as you covered your mouth in shock, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “Alex?” You beckoned the blond forth who was just waiting for you to signal him that it would be alright to try. Timidly, he tried to touch your shoulder and when his hand didn’t go through either he wasted no time wrapping his arms around you in a bone-crushing hug. Sobs and laughter escaped your mouth. You hugged him back with one arm while Reggie was still staring at your intertwined hands in awe.

Luke didn’t dare move from his spot by the couch. This might all be a dream, even thought ghosts didn’t sleep and didn’t dream. But this felt so much like a dream come true that he didn’t dare disrupt it. Even when you made eye contact with him, silently asking him to join you, he couldn’t move a muscle.

You let go of Alex and Reggie slowly, their hands falling to their sides. Luke watched you walk around Alex until you stood in front of him raising your hand to the space between the two of you. His gaze wandered between you and your hand before he lifted his as well, but, as your hands were inches apart, he stopped, doubt clouding his mind once again. This couldn’t really be happening. So, you took the decision from him, placing your palm against his and as you had suspected, felt the resistance of his hand.

His face lit up instantly. His arms moved around your waist, picking you up and spinning you around as he let out victorious sounds. As soon as you were put back onto the ground, Alex and Reggie joined into the hug, almost crushing you, but you didn’t stop them. This was what they needed. And you did, too.

You didn’t know how it happened, what had changed, for you to be able to touch the three ghosts, but you were grateful for it. From then on, not a day would go by without a hug from a ghost. They liked touching you. An arm around your shoulder, around your waist, a hand reaching for yours, one of them lying with their head in your lap while you carded your fingers through their hair.

If you had before sometimes forgotten that they were ghosts – the realization coming back when you couldn’t touch them – it got even worse now.

[papirouge]

That was the plan! :D

Sooo finally caught up the first part of the interview featuring Samuel

⚪ Both Samuel and Neil seem to have a personality pretty close to their character overall: Neil is outgoing and extroverted while Sam is more demure and quiet (almost shy), occasionally drawing a smile on his face during Neil goofy jokes.

⚪ Sam voice is very regular actually ; he did a wonderful job to twist it to make it deeper and more gravelly for Ghost. Got asked 2 times to talk as Ghost and the first time he seemed quite reluctant, saying "it's weird without the mask"..... which was the coolest, most Ghost-y thing he could ever say😳

⚪ Sam got asked if he felt any pressure into portraying one of the most popular character of serie. Said it felt intimate bc the team was small and was focusing on the moment. Only on the afterwork only he realized how much of a big think it was.

⚪ Got asked when the friendship kicked off? Sam and Beil met on the first day on set. Neil joked that he didn't want to mess with someone much taller than him (implying he'd better off making a friend of him lol)

⚪ They recorded the "Alone" campaign on the first day of shooting. They were both together in the same room which was a decision of the production team to improve the alchemy between them 🤍

⚪ About the "Alone" campaign jokes: Sam said it was reminiscent of ppl saying jokes during funerals as coping mechanism

⚪ Soccer of Football? Sam and Neil both agreed it was Football (as they should. USAmericans DNI idc)

🔴 Secondhand embarrassment moments from people asking them:

what they thought of Lady Gaga..... I- ???????

bromance or romance? Both Neil and Sam were like: 😐 The host swiftly replied bromance of course.....because this whole yaoi fantasy has to stay on tumblr or Ao3 and willfully shoving it to the actual real actors (Roukin is married and has a child FYI) is borderline predatory.

if they were on Tiktok...... Like, do you guys realize they're middle-aged super normie men?? They're not really the demographics engaging in that type of media. It was so embarrassing to see them tiptoeing trying to explain why they weren't interested in/engaging in/involved into this type of scene or demographics 💀 But they seem to know weird shit is happening out there. Sam says "I know there's some stuff happening over there (...) That makes me happy " 💀💀 which makes me believe he actually doesn't really know the extent of the insanity of Tiktok crazies or never laid an eye on Soap × Ghost smut I'll call this ship Ghoap ok? where not a single orifice of their body is left unexplored... Sam is so pure and innocent lmao Bless his soul.

Neil admitted chain liking comments on Instagram ("people are so nice!!") without realizing some of them might be a tad "wild" which ultimately bit him in the butt lol ...Tells you how out of touch with stans crazy antics these men are. Again: bless their souls.

Actually Neil just joined TikTok and is already regretting it💀

🔴 Dan (the hosting Youtuber) shows them a bunch of popular memes featuring Ghoap ....but it was underwhelming bc he didn't pick the best ones imo. Between the disgusting fujo -I'm a slut for him🥵💦- memes and boring dudebro ones (which are those he picked) there were still some decent funnier meme to pick, so I'm bummed they weren't there. The whole sequence felt awkward bc it's obvious neither Neil or Sam are familiar with that 'culture'. Neil looked like enjoying them though lol

⚪ "Do you guys speak spanish?" Sam: "Un poquito" Neil points out that in the beginning of the game he doesn't speak spanish, says he was impressed by the actor playing Alejandro. Btw am I the only one who noticed that Soap said he did not speak spanish at the beginning of the game (asked by Alejandro in the car after they picked them up from the airport), but at the late stage of the game after Graves betrayal he straight up says "Alejandro es nuestro hermano" (Alejandro is our brother). I guess hanging around Los Vaqueros got him familiar with the language . Multilingual Scottish KANG, I told you😳🤍

⚪ Countries to visit? Sam: Japan. Neil: Patagonia, Tibet, New Zealand (awesome taste. Neil became instantly hotter at that moment 💙)

⚪ What a Soap/Ghost date would look like? Sam: "I don't think Ghost dates" (devastating & heartbreaking, but that's the only valid answer💀Sam is the realest for that 🥲). Neil ideal date: hiking, horses, an italian restaurant (and that's why he's the hottest❤️‍🔥👀👀👀)

⚪ Favorite line of the game? Sam: "No one fights alone".

⚪ Was working with a mask a problem? Sam says it was more troublesome for other actors bc they couldn't see his facial expressions, which was a struggle for proper interaction. Neil points out that Ghost has a whole demeanor and particular voice which almost work like a mask in and of itself, and I thought it was a pretty brilliant insight. He says the scene when the whole team is around the table and they all get ghosty (grab those skull balaclava and they all wear them) sent chills down his spine.

⚪ At some point Neil webcam froze and left the stream and people in the chat said that he actually ran away bc people were just too awkward and disgusting in the chat lmao💀

⚪ Favorite joke of the game (Sam alone answered cause Neil was still offline): the "Two goldfish in a tank" one. Which I'm not surprised bc even in the game you can hear him laughing through his teeth when delivering the "...Do you know how to drive this thing??" line. Said they laughed their ass off in the studio after that lol

That's it for now. I don't know if we'll get more interview of them anytime soon. I heard rumors of a Ghost spinoff....Maybe it will be the occasion to hear more of Roukin and Ellice in the near future 🤍

Thanks for reading<3

Watched the last hour of the live interview featuring Samuel Roukin & Neil Ellice (face model + VA of respectively Ghost and Soap), and as expected... it was a mess 💀

Caught up in the middle (it was already past midnight where I live) and Samuel already left so it was only Neil and the interviewer. Might rewatch it to listen to Samuel insight. So all these remarks concern only Neil part for now.

🔴 LOTS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT IN THE CHAT. People really couldn't behave and thought that this space was the same as a Ao3 comment section or tumblr fanblog. Many comments à la "are you a dom??" or "I want you to wear a maid costume" None of that trash is acceptable. These people are actually HUMANS and not your horny fantasy material. Appreciating characters is a thing, but you need to understand boundaries and that not everyone is going be comfortable for your retarded cumbrain humor. Some of you legit need to behave bc you come off like freaking weirdos and animals.

⚪ Ellice sounds like a real normie. Said he never fully played the campaign. His hobbies are BBQ and hanging out with his 2 dogs 🤍 When inquired about his favorite in game sequences he was scared to spoil people which was very cute. He definitely doesn't realize that fujoshi skimmed through the entire campaign dozens times already, and screenshot every single frame to make gif and shipping material....🥴

⚪ Has a lovely Scottish accent. Said he had to make it thicker for the role (Soap is canonically Scottish in the game and has a few lines in this language)

⚪ Said he could speak German, uttering "Danke shoen"....then -with no hesitation- "Un Dos Tres" ....which is actually Spanish. The whole chat lost their mind at this moment 💀 and so did I bc it was freaking hilarious lmao Multilingual airhead Scottish king🤍💙

⚪ Said the development of a game is very different of a movie or TV show in that unlike movies which are made in one go, the game developers called him several times in the span of 2 years to do the motion capture and voice acting. This is because the budgeting comes in small frames so they can't make the whole process in one go. It was a very interesting insight tbh.

⚪ When being asked what's his favorite type of game, he joked that he was into point & clic dating game which almost made me fall from my bed bc it's been days I'm begging for a Call of Duty Dating simulation 👀

⚪ Thanked every fan whenever they made donations. Was super cute all around. Got asked by some fans who donated to make a shout-out as Soap. Ended them with "Stay Frosty!!" which was super cute & fun... whatever that means lol

That's all for now, I'll try to catch up with the beginning of the video later ✌🏾

I'm eager to hear Samuel Roukin insights because he's been the most 'rare' of the cast in interviews (very fitting for his character 💀)

[iemondropsss]

*sees post, cracks nuckles* Ok Eden, let's hear your answer to all of the questions!

THANK YOU LAE!!!! Hehe I already answered some but here’s the rest! :D

✨ Snufkin or Moomin. Moomin because I kin him Snufkin because,, well, he’s Snufkin! Perfectly imperfect ratty ol’ crime man with the peak of character design I could draw him every day and never get tired. Oh wait—

🍄 My favorite story of all <3 so I was scrolling on Pinterest and came across this ol’ thing

And I was like oh wow. Epic moment. I looked up Snufkin. Looked at the wiki page and learned he was the foil of sniff. Not helpful to me then but oh well XD and got a picture of 2019 him and sent it as a comment (rest in peace the Pinterest comment “trying” system btw)

I did not realize it was edited until much much later XD. Um anyway forgot about it a bit after that until! That’s right same energy was requested to me on YouTube. I went into a rabbit hole and rewatched the “every time Snufkin talks” video whenever I got stressed. Literally. aaand then we got to the animatics and I never returned. Also side note so I had Lemon Boy by Cavetown on repeat for like a month and a half before this and I saw an animatic for it and lost my MIND when I realized what the lyrics were. 1 in the morning and… goodness XD anyway I love that

🕊 springdoveee of course <3 ahhck I’m just a sucker for ships that expand upon the themes, in this case freedom and home and how it’s possible to have one AND the other, but it takes work and love to come to compromise and companionship. Just WOW. I could go on for days

🍯 the pancakes!! They’re very hyped up I need them now. Also Mamma’s witchcraft cures <3

🏔 Honestly, I would love to dance through the Forest near Moominhouse. Nothing to crazy, and with the gang or by myself. Just living in this amazing world

🏕 hehe yes I doooo @iemonzzest is where all my fanart goes and I’m lemondropss on AO3!

🎵 HOHOHOHOHOHOHO I have a 570 song long playlist I am obsessed with Moomin-like songs and let me tell you there are a LOT!

They usually fall into one of three categories:

1)the seasons. Spring already symbolizes growth and returning and winter is often sadness so it’s not that hard to find EXACTLY what we’re looking for ;)

2)leaving. I realize mainly it’s about breaking up in a relationship? But really come on XD

3)home. Song with the word home in it? PLAYLIST

it’s a science at this point <3 I’ve even got a whole playlist of specifically *banjo* music that feels like moomins. Through all this searching though I believe the most Moomin-like songs in the world is Lucky by Jason Mraz please listen to it it’s unbelievably perfect akshakhskshd

But of course there are LOADS of songs that remind me of Moomin all in slightly different ways I could talk about each of them for hours XD

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Would you want to talk gamer AU? Maybe kakashi and iruka are neighbors or coworkers or something and kakashi develops a crush on him and talks about him during his streams thinking iruka would never watch him (and obviously doesn’t like call him iruka or say he has a crush no lol is just always bringing up random little things when fans ask if he has a crush on anyone or when something reminds him of iruka) and iruka pieces it together and confronts him?

Or do you think iruka would use his acct to either A) pretend to just be some rando and encourage kakashi to take a shot at asking iruka out or B) in a fan chat that kakashi is interacting w when his crush is brought up again and iruka is there and gives kakashi a nudge by pretending not to know he’s kakashi and being like well let me tell u about the man I like. I’m iruka btw and I like this man kakashi lol

Iruka’s not sure what prompted him to do it. One minute he was watching his favorite weekly YouTube video, the one with the handsome voice and far too many witty comments for his own good, and the next he found himself typing.

Maybe it was the way ‘Silverhound’ had responded to one of the questions that had been sent into him on his discord. That soft smile that Iruka could hear in his voice when he spoke about the ‘cute next door neighbor’

Over the past three months there had been little tidbits of information spanned across various videos. 

A story about how he had run into the guy he had a crush on the day before on his animal crossing video about befriending villagers. 

The way he described the ‘cute next door neighbor’ during his pokemon challenge against ‘Konoha’s great blue beast’ and complained when his friend poked fun at him and told him to ‘just ask him out’ 

but today had been the final straw. Iruka had been sitting there at his computer listening to a stranger describe him over and over again, and he hadn’t realized it until today.

His smile, his laugh, his words. All being told to him through Youtube and none of it making any sense until he heard that name being spoken by ‘MedicalGamer’ 

the one that made his heart skip a beat every time he called out to the other man when they saw each other on their way to work.

The one that always sat in the back of his mind, begging him to do something about those feelings boiling deep down inside of him over the last year that he had know the man. 

The name he tried so desperately to forget, convincing himself that his feelings would never be returned. That someone that beautiful and smart could never possibly look at him and feel the same mixture of happiness and fear that he did. 

and now here he was, typing out a comment for the first time on ‘SIlverhounds’ youtube chanelle, all because he heard that name. Because he knew there was a chance, however small it was, that he might actually have his feelings returned.

“You keep talking about this guy’ he types out, fingers shaking. ‘Why don’t you just ask the guy out? I’m sure he’d say yes’

In fact he knows that he would say yes. He’d scream it at the top of his lungs before he was able to stop himself.

Hitting send, he lets out a weak breath. He’s not sure what he has just gotten himself into, but he’s certainly not ready for the speedy response that he gets.

‘He’s too good for me. Best to leave it’

those are not the words he expects to read.

Too good? For a man so smart that he could do anything he wanted with his life, but so kind that he choice to be a vet? To good for the man that smiles at him every morning and says ‘good morning’ even though Iruka could tell all he wanted to do was crawl back into bed and fall asleep again?

Bullshit

‘You never know’ he types out, heart pounding in his chest. ‘I think he’d be happy to go out with a silver haired cutie like you’

Hitting send again, he waits. Wondering if he’ll get another speedy response. If his hint that he knows the man personally will get through.

There’s no response on youtube, though Iruka’s certain he doesn’t need one.

Hearing Kakashi screaming his name from the apartment next door tells him that the hint was understood, and he can’t wait to see how it works out.