#btw i know i refer to the anime a lot in this post but i've read various portions of the manga as well and am 'caught up'

[burinazar]

I'm sure you've mentioned it before, but I was wondering who your favorite Made in Abyss character is and why they're your favorite? :3

I love all the main kids as well as many other characters so it's hard to choose but I think I'd have to say mine is Faputa. Not only is she a super interesting and cool character, but she's also A Creature. A little ball of fluff that can kill

---------------------

Thank you very much for the ask, anon! haha, "little ball of fluff that can kill"...yes, Faputa is great, and I think the main cast of Abyss is very endearing and very well fleshed-out. I was having a nice exchange on AO3 the other day regarding how GOOD the characterization of Abyss is and how it's often overlooked in favor of the also-extremely-good worldbuilding and plot, and why that might be, and was considering how it links together with some of my other Thoughts about ways this fandom is different from my other ones as far as what people are into (I need to finish the self-reblog I was gonna do about that on a recent related post actually). Anyway, pretty much the whole cast is endearing and/or enjoyable to watch in some capacity. But there is a definite answer as to favorite(s).

I put these up on my wall this evening, which may help to answer your question.

(Please note the scrolls. I missed the Amiami preorder period for those two because they closed earlier than the rest for some reason, but was able to get them from Suruga-ya eventually. They'll be on the wall at some point too.)

The story and cast prior to s2 I enjoyed in a, like, normal way, and then the Ganja squad arc hit me like a damn asteroid. These people...I've thought and felt and said so much about them, and after a year and a half I'm still brimming with something that feels like it has to be poured out, onto blank canvases and into the written word, and there's no end in sight. I have never had characters that were such good muses to me except perhaps for a couple I made up myself. Belaf has to be called my favorite at this point, but for a long time it was Vueko, and I really, really like Waz too; the manner in which these three characterize one another makes it a little painful to try to separate and rank them, but yes, that's the order. I dote on B and V in particular.

(Self portrait circa August 2023.)

At this point I have so much to say about them that being asked why I like them is hard to answer succinctly. Belaf is so, so sweet, but in an unusual weird, intense nerd way that I find incredibly endearing .....and then that kindness and strength of character fucking destroys him and it's tragic and beautiful and there is so much to pick apart in the manner and meaning of his transformation and his absolution, and it's also a great deal of fun to depict him as he was before. "Before" Belaf is such a fun sort of quirky nerd and his relationships wth Waz and Vue and Iru offer, like, SO much to turn over and look upon fondly, humor and friendship and loyalty and love.

And yet, when I write about his years of friendship with and loyalty and closeness to Wazukyan and Vueko and his parenthood and tutelage of Irumyuui and (note: hallucinatory) camaraderie with the other Ganja, hanging over my shoulder always is his downfall and it makes all of those things so much more beautiful, the tinny note of tragedy that is always playing at the edge of our hearing once we see it all and know how it must end.

(Another crispy fried self portrait from last year. I don't really draw myself these days at all EXCEPT in the context of making fun of my sages obsession.)

As for Vueko, since she's fairly popular maybe explaining her appeal isn't needed...or maybe it is, because it's so much more than the shy and gentle and somewhat silly person she is on the surface, it is so, so much more. Under the Layer of Fuheh she's made of steel --it's just that she's very, very softspoken, which people mistake for passivity and spinelessness. Even fans who purport to like her sometimes reduce her to victimhood and weakness. Perhaps because it's a misconception she clearly holds about herself, and a viewer can be forgiven for not putting together that Vueko might literally be the sage that acts with the most agency. There's so much more I can say that I love about her and her story, especially in the context of the other characters and the way she subtly skews some narrative and trope-related expectations, but I think that's the heart of it -- yes, she was endearing as soon as I met her, but when I saw the subtle yet unmistakeable strength under it all (and parsed that she never saw it herself, I think that little pop of tragedy really makes it hit for me lol), I think that's what made me adore her.

This next little bit might be kind of fucked up but what really makes that strength into something that haunts and compels me is that Vueko has so much determination and strength of character that she will unhesitatingly act to destroy the people she cares about very very much if she has decided at that moment that it is the best thing for them (Irumyuui, Belaf, Irumyuui again.) I can trace the real beginning of my obsession with these characters to when s2e8 aired and this is pretty much why.

So...yeah. Belaf and Vueko! Aaaand there's no way I can write about Waz here without making this post way too fucking long but.

One more shitty self portrait from earlier in the obsession should do it.

Yep!

[nikibogwater]

Actually while I'm thinking about it, I just wanna say that the more live-action remakes Disney shlups out like shoveled manure, the more amazed I am that Cinderella (2015) exists. It breaks literally every standard of Disney's LA remakes.

It's not a shot-for-shot remake of the original 1950 animated film, though it does include small references and homages to it, but only when such things can be incorporated organically into the story.

The creators understood and respected the cross-cultural significance of the Cinderella story. They didn't want to "fix" it, or add some wacky twist to it, they just wanted to make the best possible version of the Quintessential Cinderella that they could.

Everything that could be done practically was done practically. The carriage was a real, the horses pulling it were real, and all of the other animals (with the exception of the mice and lizards, since their performance was a lot more involved than the others') were real living animals, the lizard footman and goose carriage driver were wearing prosthetics instead of just having their animal features added in post, the Fairy Godmother's dress had little LED lights sewn into it so that it would actually glow for real, the ballroom set was built by hand and included real chandeliers with more than 2000 total candles that were all actually lit for the scene, and I could go on but you get the point.

There's a ton of attention paid to little details that make the world feel real and lived in. Ella's shoes are always a little scuffed and dirty. Her farm dress is faded and wrinkled. When she breaks down and runs away to the woods, she rides her horse bareback (which, once again, was a thing Lily James actually did, no stunt-double or editing in post), because not only is that something a country girl like her would know how to do, but it also makes sense that with as upset as she is, she wouldn't want to waste time with saddling the horse. When she's dancing with the prince, it's visually obvious that he is leading her and giving her cues because of course Ella wouldn't know the latest ballroom dances, and would need him to guide her through it.

Hey speaking of dancing, y'know what else this movie does that no other LA remake has been allowed to do (at least not to this extent)? ROMANCE. Land sakes alive, this is one of the most unabashedly and yet still tastefully romantic movies I've ever seen. Ella and Kit are just oozing romantic chemistry from the moment they lock eyes for the first time. It all comes down to the fact that these two characters both have the same core values of courage and kindness, which makes their admiration for each other feel grounded and believable. Richard Madden also really sells Kit's feelings for Ella with the way his eyes go all big and soft whenever he looks at her. And don't even get me started on Lily's performance as Ella. Her quiet awe that someone as powerful as the prince loves her. The timidity and fear that she's not really worthy of that. The selfless determination to protect him from her family's cruelty, even if it means she'll never see him again, I'm just-- *banging my fist against the table and screaming into a pillow*

Absolutely god-tier costume design. No notes, I think Sandy Powell's work speaks for itself. Btw, in case you were somehow still wondering, yes, Ella's ballgown is fully practical--those layers upon layers of dreamy silk skirts are real. CG was only used to brighten up the blue color to make her stand out from the crowd more.

Wicked stepmother was allowed to actually be wicked. The movie never tries to make you sympathize with Lady Tremaine, or shift the blame off to someone else. And her villainy is given an extra layer of depth with the reveal that she is a dark reflection of Ella. They've both lost people they loved, but where Ella refused to let her grief get in the way of kindness, Lady Tremaine became utterly consumed by it. She views the death of her first husband as a sort of twisted justification for pursuing all her worst impulses. She despises Ella for her ability to flourish even while enduring terrible suffering, for being everything Lady Tremaine was either unable or flat-out refused to be.

Also Cate Blanchet absolutely SLAYS in this role. Hands-down my favorite portrayal of the wicked stepmother character.

Anyways, TLDR: Cinderella (2015) is the only Disney live-action remake that can justify its own existence and that's because it actively defies everything the LA remakes are today.

[py-dreamer]

Yea!!! Can you tell I have favorites lol

so since it's the 20th in my time, it is officially my birthday today!

But I wanted to get this out regardless so kinda count it as the previous day's ig

I will be posting something later today probably but it will most likely just be a compilation of all the cakes I've done thus far.

Ok but um on with the cake!

It's like a cheesecake and I basically copied Tengen's cake with like a jelly filling with fruit suspended in it, peaches (obviously), strawberries and blueberries cause I like them and sod it I'll put them on this goddamn cake!

The thing Wukong's sitting on is one of those peach ice creams that's gotten so popular lately with the sprinkle of pink dust thingy on top.

On either side of the cake is the fillet from the journey and the hat from the brotherhood era, one from his reckless past and one from his redemption and I just think that's neat.

The blue puffy stuff is meant to be his nimbus clouds represented as cotton candy.

I have the baiju jar in there as reference to Wukong becoming immortal again due to the all the wine made from the peaches of immortality at the festival.

The staff as a little candle was so fun! And I like pocky so I chucked them on there to fill space and it looks good so sue me

The grey thing behind the staff and balloon is meant to be the Buddha's hand that trapped him under the mountain and a reference to his imprisonment under 5 phases mountain.

Peach popsicle! Of course I had too! A lil something from the present for our (shadow) peachy friend

Mk's stone as well, had to add his son in there too. The baby ever.

(probably just a cookie but it's the thought that counts)

The two sugar cookies are meant to be his logo (aka the lmk logo) and fireworks, again taken from Tengen's cake.

The sun is a candied/tanghulu esque orange thing. Like an orange slice coated in yellow melted sugar shaped like a sun and the phoenix feather cap since I consider it iconic enough to put in here. I didn't want to put it on him, blocking a lot of the decorations so I just hung it to the side and I think I'm happy with that.

A lot more monkeys here! It was very fun popping them in! I know I only gave Mac 1 but I mean Wukong's the monkey king for a reason. Let him be a loving grandpa and invite his subjects on the cake with him. He granted them immortality by ripping their names out the book of dead, let them have a place on the cake too

Also, yes that is the origami pilgims in the bottom left, I couldn't leave them alone could I?

Now the elephant in the room (or at least in my head), yes I did use @maplesleep's matcha pancake design for flower fruit mountain.

Cake on cake. Bit much but hey, I like cake and pastries better than candy normally so win for me.

And I couldn't just make cake about Sun Wukong without mentioning his home/origins of ffm. I do genuinely love the inginuity and adorableness factor of the pancake design and hope they don't mind me slapping it on my...cheesecake? Jelly cake? Jelly-cheesecake?

(also I have to ask @maplesleep, did you watch the 3rd emirichu anime cafe video, specifically the urusei yatsura cafe as inspiration for the 'sun wukong's strawberry sponge cake punishment' parfait thingy, gorgeously drawn btw I used those drawings as inspiration quite a bit for these cakes, or saw the urusei yatsura collab anime cafe

cause I couldn't help but notice the similarities between that and the 'shinobu's maiden strength parfait' cause if you didn't that be a pretty funny coincidence lol)

So what do you think? You think I could make it as another lmk food chef for lego? Can I join the club lmao?

I do realize in retrospect the disrespect I did Mk by making his cake so plain by comparison to his mentor's. But I think that's a testament to my improvement and attention to detail when making these cakes as the days have progressed!

I consider Mk's in particular to be the most lacking and I lowkey feel so bad for my boi for not giving him the main character status he deserves.

I might draw him again, idk. Not anytime soon though, like I said, I'm quite busy now more than before and I need a break, still glad I could serve y'all another slice of cake though!

[junktastic]

I had a drawing months back that went kinda viral I guess, and it getting out of my normal sphere of followers meant that I got to observe how folks far outside of my twitter sphere interact with twitter and others. For reference, I am talking about this image:

The context, besides getting to draw my friend Jenny, was that I saw a picture that was of an anime girl that said "lets be in our early 30s together" and I was like "haha, I will make my own version of this." Part of it was also that I think aging is fine, and we need to stop stressing so much over staying young. "Lets be in our mid-thirties together" is not a joke, I sincerely wanted this image to be warm and inviting, to maybe give people hope that there will be friends and people who love you once you get to that age. I never thought I was going to make it to 30, and I just turned 35 this year, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Some responses were obviously teens/early 20s people saying they don't want to get that old, which is whatever. When you're that young the dirty thirty sounds so ugly. No one cool is in their 30s! Well, if you ignore the people who make all the things they like. These responses I waved these off.

I saw the typical twitter experience replies of "this doesn't apply to me?" Ok bitch! Go make your own like I did! And show me when you do, I'd love to see it!

There was a handful of people who were saying "retweet to scare a twink" which I felt was kind of rude. Not to me, but to the twinks out there. Aging doesn't make you less of a twink.

Lots of people were sending it to their significant others or saying they hope to find someone to be in their mid-thirties with, which I love. :3 It makes me happy!

The one kind of response which is what I made this post for and I'm so sorry that I've been rambling, that I found weird was the people who will reply to just you. The OP. As if they are replying to everyone in the thread. I'm not talking about in QRTs, just straight in the replies. "Don't forget how tired she looks in this." Brother I drew the picture. I know. And ever since then I feel like, as someone who loves to read the replies on other people's tweets, I notice this a lot more often. Who are they talking to? Is this what people are referring to when they say "Main Character Syndrome?" Or should I be lumping these together with the "why isn't this about my exact personal life situation" people?

My fiancé says I'm thinking about this too hard (I got engaged last month btw), and he's probably right. I can't help but be curious about how other people choose to interact with the internet and images and people on it. And, I guess, am I supposed to reply? How should I feel about these. I guess I have to decide that on my own.

For the record, you are all very normal/understandable when it comes to what you guys tag my stuff with. That you love the girls (same!), that they're very gender (love this), or wow is this [insert fetish](not my intention but that's the internet). I feel like the slime girls get the "gender" comment the most and you are all so right for that. Every time I see people reblog my ocs I think "Thank you for loving [name]."

That's all! This was a pointless post but I'm unemployed right now so I have too much time to overthink things for no reason. How do YOU feel about how people interact with your posts? Are they weird? Or are they normal about it.

[royal-wren]

Leto Epithets

One of the many mother goddesses found in the Hellenic pantheon, she is also one of (three) goddesses directly of motherhood along with Rheia and Maia. Her origins are debated, but it is a fact that she is an established goddess as far back as the Mycenaean era (pre-Apollon btw! More than likely Leto and Artemis were regarded as mother and daughter by then) under the name ra-ti-jo / ra-to (Latios/Lato). The late myth of the birth of Artemis and Apollon where she runs from Hera might showcase a bit of history of her leaving Greece and going to Turkey (Anatolia) in the way a lot of myths do with cult history and practices expanding. I say this because the connection to Lycia as her origin as explained in the further reading section is pretty late into the timeline of her existence and her main temple there is also a late addition when she was long pre-established as a goddess in Greece before it was made. Anything else saying she derived from another goddess is purely speculation and is more than likely disproven by this point in time in the year 2024. (Please note that this doesn't mean she possibly came from somewhere else before records, just that she existed in Mycenaean Greece).

Alphabetically it's a mess, but everything that I've added to go along with aspects, domains, traits, and animals of hers have an asterisk by them, not necessarily upg but innovating what's already historically attested to her.

A remake of my ancient, years-old post. Of great kindness She who is gentle and modest Preumenḗs: soft of temper, gentle, gracious, favorable Epieikḗs: Morally reasonable, fair, kind, gentle, good Ever mild and gentle Mild from the beginning Of womanly demure *Ēpiócheir: With Soothing Hand *Phainô: Appear, Reveal, Shine Lêthô/Lanthanô/Lelathon: To escape notice, To cause to forget, Move unseen, Go unobserved *Aisthánomai: perceive, apprehend by the senses or of mental perception, perceive, understand, take notice of, to have perception of *Aísthēsis: Perception from the senses, feeling, hearing, seeing. Perception by the intellect as well as the senses. Ability to perceive: discernment. Cognition or discernment of moral discernment in ethical matters *Ablepsíā: blindness, failure to see (something), invisibility *Ágnoia: The state of not knowing or perceiving: ignorance, unawareness *Hḗsukhos: quiet, still, calm, gentle, moderate, (of persons) cautious, (of the voice) gentle *Hēsukházō: To be still or quiet, Be at rest *Hēsukhíā: (Of) Silence, Stillness, Quiet *Apokalúptō: To reveal. Leto is an ocular/prophetic goddess just like Apollon that speaks with a voice from above, working through light in effect, the implication is that she (like Apollon) has it tied to day for when they work as it's noted that Asteria and Hekate prophecy through/by/at night and from below. (Leto might double as a night-time goddess, but the connection to day is more solidified). Lykeiê: Of the wolves *Ameibousa: One that transforms, in the spirit of One who brings forth transitions Ethelímona: Willing (to answer those that pray to her) Dark-gowned (I really wish I was able to find a translation for this one) *Khrysôpis: With Golden eyes, With a golden face, Golden-faced Kyanopeplos: Dark-veiled, Cloaked Most Glorious Eukomos: Lovely-haired Kallisphyros: Beautiful/Trim/Neat-ankled Aidoios/Semnê Thea: August Goddess Khrysêlakatos: Of the Gold Spindle (Distaff) *Hêmerasia: She who soothes *Meilikhios: Gentle, Soothing *Phaesphoros: Light-bringer *Hilaeira: Softly-shining *Alektor: Rooster Polykleitos: Far-famed Xanthê: Blonde/Golden-Haired, Gold-tressed Phytie/Phystiê: Grafter Koiantis/Koiêis: daughter of Koios Koiogeneia/Koiogenês: born of Koios Lykios: patron goddess of Lykia Euteknos: Of Fair Children Gentlest in all Olympos *Pheraia: Of the Beasts *Agroterê: Of the Hunt, Huntress

*Most of these are ones I had to comb through literature to find, a couple of UPG names and ones I’ve found or created (as a reference) through other research

Further reading:

Some Cults of Greek Goddesses and Female Daemons of Oriental Origin by Butzon & Bercker

Theoi.com's Koios page for the information at the end

Mothers of the Sun - Myth and Legacy of the Minoan "Solar Mother" in Classical Greek Mythology

The Cities and Bishoprics of Phrygia, being an Essay of The Local History of Phrygia from the Earliest Times to the Turkish Conquest

[fluffypotatey]

OK SO! the tommyinnit 101. technically this isn't really tied to an smp though.

so first we must start at the very beginning. the dream smp. in late 2020-early 2021, the dream smp was at the height of its popularity, and tommyinnit played one of its most prominent characters (tommy, henceforth referred to as c!tommy). now the thing about c!tommy is that both he and cc!tommy (idk if i've talked about the c! vs cc! divide before but that is its own 101) were under 18 at the time, and therefore if you shipped his character with anyone about 70% of the fandom would tear you apart.

honestly dsmp isn't too relevant here, though, except to introduce tommy and tubbo. you see, in a world of straight men using their little block guys to flirt with one another, tommy was Very vocal about loving women. being Straight was part of his Bit in the same way that being Annoying and playing the able sisters music from animal crossing was.

anyways in late 2022 he uploaded a vlog of him and tubbo getting married, tubbo mostly against his will. they pulled out all the stops- got an ordained minister (their friend scott, who you may recognize from the life series 101s) to do a little ceremony, had a lot of their friends acting as different members of the wedding party, even signed and filed real paperwork!

yep. that's right. they signed legal fucking paperwork. i've heard that tubbo didn't even know it was a marriage certificate, he thought it was a waiver for being in the video or smth. that's right, known straight man tommyinnit tricked his best friend into getting Real Life Legally Married to him, presumably just for shits and giggles.

This fact went unnoticed until mid-late 2023. tubbo was playing on the QSMP with some other people (i know FitMC, not sure who else), and was joking about going to Vegas and getting married to Fit. and then tubbo realized he was still married to tommy.

also, around that time, tommy wrote and published (to wattpad) a rpf crack fic called Tommy x Tubbo Love Triangle, where tommy leaves his Real Life Girlfriend molly for tubbo (molly dies directly afterwards because it was so romantic) and then he and tubbo kiss without tongue. tubbo was not consulted during the production of this fanfiction.

after learning about the marriage, tubbo started working to get a Real Life Divorce from his Real Life Friend Tom. tommy refused to sign the paperwork. if any of this ever goes to court tubbo fully intends to livestream the whole thing.

around 2 months ago, tommy did a parody of "I'm Just Ken" called "I'm Just Tom," in which he begs tubbo not to divorce him. it must be seen to be believed. idk if the link will work in an ask but i need you to see it https://youtu.be/laAPXcxjDlI?si=wPQM3ZJHBIv11Cfr

also if you're wondering how molly, tommy's Real Life Girlfriend, feels about all of this? she thinks it's hilarious. for the past month or two-ish (?), tommy's been doing a stand-up comedy tour in america (because they are all british), and at the same time tubbo's been doing a subathon (aka tubbathon bc it's tubbo) (a subathon is a twitch stream with a timer on it. the stream ends when the timer finishes out, and whenever someone subscribes to the streamer's channel more time is added) (the tubbathon is still going btw and isn't slowing down anytime soon). at one point molly came onto the tubbathon, and tubbo bought her a new phone bc hers was shit. (directly afterwards tommy posted a vlog about it, saying he felt like he was being cucked by his gay husband)

fans have dubbed these three the nightmare polycule, and it's not hard to see why.

and then, finally, this morning (last night in england time), tommy and tubbo were on a phone call. tubbo (gay) encouraged tommy to "say the f slur!" and tommy said, and i quote, "I'm bicurious, so I guess I could say like a fifth of it. [Tochat] Hear that, ya -ggots?"

i needed to tell you all of this so that you would understand the full insanity of all of this. there are some bits that don't really translate unless you were a dsmp fan in the 2020-2021 era, but i need you to see the ongoing insanity this man creates. he had been planning to use that joke for his live comedy show

ok uh

wow

i some pointers on his singing voice (a bit too belty there, that'll damage the throat later, some vowels need rounding)

hilarious that he rhymed Tom with arm

reading this was like a fever dream

molly is me tbh this is the most hilarious drama i have ever read

his comedic timing is beautiful

what the fuck

[clacing]

Hi, I'm dumb so forgive me if this question has an easy answer; is there a viewing order for Revstar? I'm trying to get into it, but I have been putting it off because I couldn't tell where to start

I assume you just mean the anime, but since there are also a bunch of stage plays and spin-offs and a gacha game, here's an overview and my personal opinion on a good viewing order:

You should definitely watch the anime first. It's only 12 episodes but it spends so much time developing each and every character and making you truly feel for them, plus it's the most experimental piece of media in the franchise and where the Utena influences are the most visible, so it's a treat to watch. I don't know if it's an unpopular opinion or what, but the stage plays didn't do nearly as much to develop the characters or their relationships with each other due to the obvious time constraints, so if that's your first run-in with the franchise you'll probably be disappointed

3 OVAs which take place during the finale and which I didn't know existed for the longest time. They're short and sweet and have some good character interaction, though you don't really have to watch them

I know there's a manga prequel with nine chapters introducing each of the nine girls + a bonus chapter that takes place after the finale. I haven't read it though

Rondo Rondo Rondo: it's a movie recapping the series from a slightly different perspective and including new scenes. You don't have to watch it but I'd still check out the new scenes on Youtube at least, especially the one after the end credits which is a direct lead-in to Gekijouban

Gekijouban Revue Starlight: the sequel movie. Absolute masterpiece, required viewing, budget was off the charts, elevates the series to new levels etc. etc.

As for the stage plays, again, I recommend watching them after the anime if you're interested. Doesn't really matter if you watch them right after the anime or after Gekijouban because the stage plays have their own plot that is only tangentially related to the anime, but they do have to be watched in a specific order:

The LIVE #1

The LIVE #2 - Transition

The LIVE Online (prequel to #3, not really required but a fun time)

The LIVE #3 - Growth

The LIVE Seiran - Blue Glitter (spin-off about characters introduced in #2 and #3, though I believe because of COVID it ended up coming out before #3 - personally I haven't watched it 'cause I don't really care, but I've heard good things)

The LIVE Edel Delight (I'll be real I know this ties in to the gacha game somehow which I don't play, so I haven't seen this either and don't really know how this fits into the timeline)

The STAGE Junior High Regalia (prequel about characters introduced in Edel Delight)

The LIVE #4 - Climax (this only came out in Japan this year so I don't think there are subtitles yet, but I'll be watching when they come out)

As for the gacha game, I don't play it but there's a lot of content which cross-references either the anime or the stage plays so I'll just direct you to this post (meant to just share the original one but Tumblr won't let me click on the original post to get the link) which also includes a guide about the viewing/playing order. Overall I think you could start playing after watching like, the anime + Gekijouban + possibly the first two stage plays?

PLEASE don't feel threatened by all of this btw. You can just watch the 12-episode anime and Gekijouban and be perfectly fine 'cause everything else is just extra. I've only watched the anime stuff and the first four stage plays I mentioned 'cause the gacha game and later stage plays add too many characters for me to keep up with

[machiavellli]

I don't know why, but I never took you for liking men in beards ( personally I like them clean shaved, but to each their own <3<3<3)!

I wish you both the best!!! 💕

Could you please give us some cute anecdotes between you two ( we don't even know each other, but I really think you're both cute together, I remember reading the post in which you talk about him and it's so cute!) ?

I just wish to have a good caring loyal romantic boyfriend and find the one! 😭😭😭 I've been single all my life.

oh well, this was unexpected but at the same time really sweet, so thank you so much anon🫶

gonna write under the cut, ‘cause I don’t want to annoy everyone (that’s also the reason why I don’t talk about him too much here)

a lot to unpack, let’s go by the order of your ask

1. The beard thing

I have to say that I used to be of the same opinion, even because when we first got together he was a BABYYYYY (we were 16 jk) and he had no beard, no hair chest, no nothing lol. But as we grew up he obviously grow into his features and if at first I was not really intrigued by it, I have to say that it does looks so nice on him (I will never admit it tho, cause I complained about it at first). Also, even if he would shave it completely, I don’t think he would be able to reach again that level of smoothness again lol. He is quite hairy in general, so it is what is, but I don’t complain, since now I definitely prefer the beard.

2.

idk if you are referring to that post where I answered the question if I believed in true love (in that case, wow you know the LORE).

But anyway…some anecdotes mhh

he is like very smart. bro could learn literally anything and I’m glad that he sticks to the scientific/economic side of academia or he would also steal my thing lol. He is smart in an “academia term”, like, again, when it comes to learning, understanding complex concepts he is the best at it. but when it comes to the most simple stuff he becomes silly😭😭

he is so slow when he has to do certain tasks, like cooking, choosing clothes,… Or like one time, he studied computer engineering for a year before switching major btw, so he knows it all about computer, programming, software, whatever, but I discovered that he had no idea that you could select multiple pictures when deleting them in your camera roll. LIKE I KNOW IS NOT THAT SERIOUS, but it was so silly. bro could program a tracker from scratch in 30 minutes and it would take him more for deleting 50 pictures.

he is like very passionate about me. I’m his favourite person or thing to do in general and it’s not my impression, he tells me. when you ask him “what do you want to do?” he will always say “stay with you”.

brotha is clingy af. like I did know that his love language was physical touch, but he could pass an enter it’s hugging me and it would still no be enough.

he once told me that the goal of his life was to make me happy and to make me free from work, so that I can write and do the things I’m most passionate about, without having to worry about anything. THE GOAL OF HIS LIFE. apparently he also told this goal to his father.

actually very interested in philosophy, he knows more than me, he said that he would never peruse a career with it, but it’s an important hobby of his.

now. I’m not a bad person. But when I say that he has no red flag expect the fact that he is with me, I mean it. Like he gives so much and I don’t feel like I ever give enough in return, just because he is unmatchable (also mind you, this is from my pov, he would absolutely say that this isn’t true)

tells his friends how they should treat their gf and calls them out if they do bullshit.

Very kind soul.

Very silly man. Sometimes I hate how much I can’t. stop. laughing. when I am around him. Just because he doesn’t the most out of pockets jokes, but just when he is around me

Cat coded. He loves dogs, but if he was an animal he would be a cat. There has been not one time where he would lay down and ask me to scratch his back or hair.

Brotha got the most beautiful curls on this planet earth and no it’s not an exaggeration. His hair are curly, but it’s like this perfect “boccolo” form.

I said in the past and I’ll said it again, he looks like he belongs in ancient Rome. That nose. Beautiful.

He is definitely the one that suffer distance the most, when I am away on holiday he used to get so sad if I didn’t call him everyday.

He definitely would like to do me surprise, but has no clue on how to organise them. He is romantic but would like to do more, but he is like how????????? Again, struggle with simple things.

He hates his brown eyes, but to me they are the cutest, they look gold in the sunshine :,)

I am more of a nerd than him, I’m the one who drags him to anything that has to do with Star Trek, Star Wars, marvel,…and people are always a bit surprised by that

He lets me tap for hours!!!!!!!!! Because he loves to hear about my interests and he smiles while I do it😭

He is a shy dancer (not like I know how to dance too, but with a glass of wine I really start to not care)

But the only thing he is shy with me personally is speaking in English. Because my accent “scares him”. BROTHA. So if I start to talk in English he will answer “baguette”. I’m not kidding.

Very entrepreneurial type of person. He did a lot and does a lot.

Doesn’t really have a favourite artist, but his top artist on Spotify is Chopin. But he used to like a lot Elton John

He works on fixation, this month we have the ✨rubric cube✨ (he wasn’t to do it in less than a minute) and ✨biking✨

You will never know what to gift to him, because he will always answer he wants “you”🙄

He is loyal and so am I. One time a girl tried to approach him by talking about philosophy and i told him that she was flirting probably, he apologised (even if he did nothing wrong, brotha was only talking about Schopenhauer and had no idea of the girl’s intentions) and blocked her on the spot without me saying a word.

Very passionate about health in general, his and the people close to him. Fan of eating well and exercising.

my mom calls him “Saint” because he has to deal with me. I have to say, I don’t always behave so well (YALL IM TRYING), like when he was doing the major I previously mention, he would return from uni on Fridays at 22:00, so the first thing he would do was taking the car and coming to my house. A couple of time, I didn’t even reached the door to say hello, I was to tired, but he never got mad.

He never gets mad in general. He is just a little sad when I cancel plans, I’m the only one between the two that cancels (I swear I’m good too, BUT I DONT STAND A CHANCE IN COMPARISON)

Bought me many plushies, ‘cause he knows I love them.

Will say to me multiple times in a day “you are beautiful” just beacuse I smiled

Only person in the world that told me I look better without glasses. Usually people tell me I look like an alien-

Makes fun of me for not having a driver license, but he would take me anywhere with his car if I asked.

we write each other a letter every three months, beacuse I just love everything about this too much. He always says that he loves me, really, but on a letter we all get deeper.

we are from the same year, but I am 5 months older

he really would do anything for me and I don’t think it’s beacuse we are young, or because we have been together only for 4 years (even if I would say it’s a big number at my age), but because his family was the once to teach him how to love unconditionally (yall they are all so beautiful together😭).

he gives, gives and gives and would never ask back

My blanket man<33 even if during summer it’s insufferable

When we swim together I can just hang on him and he will drag us around LOL

We call each other other “amore” (love) or “tesoro” (treasure)

Never pressed me into doing anything, not once, at it should be, but I sometimes look at my friends relationships and it’s not always like this sadly.

My strength. If I am studying those days it’s just because he is giving me the strength to do it. I’ve been studying in his room and I can’t only really concentrate when someone is around, so he has been helping me endlessly lately. And I know it means so much to him, because I know how much he would rather talk or hold me instead of watching me studying.

We are both a tad old on the inside, we are very chill, not really social, the type of people that wouldn’t talk at a function.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve been over sharing tooooo much, but who doesn’t love a question about something they are passionate about? Hehehe

There are good men out here, I have the proof, you just gotta keep your standards high :))

I was lucky that I got introduced to him through a friend (@/indac0) and after a month we got together. I love the idea of growing with, many people, even adults (ew) told me that I should go out and “experience” instead of staying in my very healthy relationship. But I would rather have grown with someone kind and learned what love is, than trying situationships that I know what would take me to anything. And I believe that this road it’s actually the only one that makes you understand what you like and the only one that won’t make your time feel wasted, because you already know that you are going nowhere with flings and that you will have lost time anywhere. Why not try something serious? Why not try to become a unique piece of puzzle with someone?

This is personally how I view this.

I wish you all the luck with love anon and thanks again for your kind words💖🫶🌷✨

[waitmyturtles]

This is something I'm actually very curious about, if we see an influx of omegaverse-themed bls in the next year or two post Pit Babe, would you consider adding it to the OGMMTV watchlist?

STARRY, hello friend!

I'm gonna tag @lurkingshan, @bengiyo, @grapejuicegay, and @neuroticbookworm for awareness as I write this, because I've relied on them for background on omegaverse, and I am in no way a fully-informed historian on this sub-genre and its fan fiction origins. And if any omegaverse fans/historians out there are reading this -- I do very much encourage your feedback, as I'm here to learn!

The short answer to your question, Starry, is no, ha. I have been strongly encouraged to NOT add it to the official list/syllabus, but I do plan on giving Pit Babe a heavy honorable mention in my Old GMMTV Challenge wrap-up posts later this year. Here's why.

Because I'm still so new to BL -- what I'm trying to get/understand, from a macro contextual perspective, is how Asian BL became the dramatic genre home to this sub-genre, besides the fact that BL conveniently asks for same-sex male couplings in its art. Are there omegaverse works, outside of fan fiction AND outside of Asian BL, that exist? I don't think so? But I'm not sure, I'm not an expert here.

Another reason why I'm gunshy about omegaverse is its underpinnings in misogyny (the link is only a list of personal blog essays, but ones worth scrolling through), which is not something I'd necessarily want to celebrate vis à vis the OGMMTVC. (@grapejuicegay, you've helped me to understand the history of this.)

One question that I've tossed to friends -- and, funnily, I ask this as a cishet mom with my rights intact -- is whether or not a male/male pregnancy is something that actually gets celebrated from an LGBTQ+-rights perspective. If I am correct (and I may not be, so fandom, please chime in here), omegaverse works have often ignored the potential reality of trans-male pregnancies. This strikes me as quite the oversight from an LGBTQ+ rights perspective -- and as a mom, I'm very aware that at least in America, health care options are improving for trans men who would like to explore pregnancy. So.... could we celebrate this potentiality in art, generally speaking?

I don't know that omegaverse is the answer to that question -- likely that's a heavy no. But there's a lot that I don't know about omegaverse, the macro conversations about rights implications, and so on.

What I do know is that the misogynistic overtones of omegaverse's origins concern me enough to not get to into this at the moment. But I am absolutely paying attention to the hype around Pit Babe, and would love to know if Pit Babe is actually going there by way of potentially engaging this conversation about misogyny... or not.

Starry, thanks for bringing this up! And I welcome thoughts from around the way, because I know that Pit Babe is bringing this up for a lot of folks. I'm hoping to hear from some folks, because I'd love to refer back to this conversation when the OGMMTVC projects ends (...for now!) later this year.

[BTW: I'm also aware that the potentially first (?? -- I need a fact-check on this) omegaverse anime from Japan, Tadaima Okaeri, is airing later this year.]

[masked-and-doomed]

NEW ME NEW INTRO!!

Hello, I'm Kat/Kats (or Yomotsu), welcome!! I am so normal about my boyfriends.

Please feel free to ask me about my OC, UG!! Hell, even cooler if you do it in a roleplay kinda way.

Other places you can find me:

@katsdoodles - art blog/archive.

Discord: thatonekats

👆 just in case. Tumblr explodes. Talk to me if you wanna ig (I am not good at conversing. So. Keep that in mind.)

Ao3: ThatOneKat2

👆 Might as well have it here. I've been more in a writing mood this year.

Twitter: @ThatOneKats

I have a twitter now I fucking guess. A bit of bonus content there (a little bit more of unhinged thoughts) but you're not missing much if you don't go there.

UG RP twt: @LIBRARIAMYLAMB

If you wanna see little bits of UG musing about go there.

--

Suspected BPD, have been diagnosed autistic. You may see vent posts. Every now and then. Check the tagging system to block em out.

I am deeply in love and sickly affectionate for my 4 darlings. They're my boyfriends, girlfriends, besties- our relationship? Is uhh whatever man. It's love. It's love.

First two being Yomotsu Hirasaka (pfp), and Takao Hiyama. They are my most intense hyperfixation of 2 years.! They are from Mirai Nikki/Future Diary. An anime/manga which I don't really like.

The next beloved is Pocketcat! He is from Fear and Hunger. He's. A silly :) There's so much intrigue of him aaaghhh ough he is so sad.

Last one !! Faust. From Guilty Gear. He's a. He's somebody. Got him on Valentine's Day. He makes me a different kind of ill. Alas, this doctor cannot cure me.

They're 💙 just like me fr. I love them. URL is them btw. Masked men, doomed.

(comfortable with sharing and gushing together with everyone. I don't mind if you send or @ me in stuff that has Faust shipped with someone, (I like appreciating art of Faust in any form :] ) just know I'm uncomfy with all (canon x canon) Faust ships except Happy Chaos, meaning that I won't talk about them (eg., fau.slayer) together.)

I am. Also obsessed with my lambs as well. (The Conclave, consisting of Axus, Libraria, Baldias, and Chronus) They mean a lot to me. I wish to give them happiness they didn't have the time nor place for. You will see me reblog lambs and tag it as them. Feel free to send me lamb pictures, effectively beaming Conclave to me.

NOTE! I do sometimes post about needing my darlings to kill themselves, or wish great harm upon them. I will not always have positive things to say about them. I am a hater as much as I am a lover. (Not the "I want him dead" (lovingly) (though I do have sadism and would enjoy killing them for the fun of it), I have genuine hatred towards them all (Excluding Libraria) and I loathe their existence.

(if I had to guess, this is the bpd doing its thing)

--

Yayaya tagging system time!

#ah rambling - general yapping tag

#[MN/funger] rambling - ramblings of MN or funger

#[MN/funger] bangers - memes/shitposts of that fandom

#oc time - posts about the little OCs I have (currently empty. DW about it)

#unnamed girlie - posts about my self insert. (UG for short)

#UG spoilers - in case you wanna go through the UG tag but not be spoiled about the endings and such.

#guy in my head - headcanon posts

#doodle tag - stuff not high effort enough to put into my art blog goes here

#reblog moment - reblogs! So you can filter them out

#lovesick - yandere / obsessive behaviour

#gatito - kitty tag.

#belalang beloveds - grasshopper tag. Belalang is grasshopper in Malay :)

#art save - images I wanna draw (typically memes I wanna draw with my guys)

#art reference material - reblogs of posts with helpful art stuff

#general reference material - reblogs of posts with whatever that isn't art. Not really 'general' perse but I don't have another word

#epic meowtual art - art by the meowtuals!

#ask game - reblogs of ask game posts

#ask game answer - answers to asks abt the ask game

#hello asker - ask tag

#tag game - reblog of posts that are meant to have you tag other ppl to continue the chain

#negative. And #/negative are used for vent posts. Make those sometimes.

#hxrny aroace on main - (mind the x) epic posts where I feel feelings for some characters (carnally)

#fanfic shit idfk - when I post about my fanfiction. (Used to be for talking abt fanfic I'm reading, older posts like that still have this tag)

#girl what you on?? - posts where I'm in some sort of delirium, talking to my beloveds. And being ill about them.

#shit I send to fictional guy - posts I'd send to fictional characters. Will prob have their name tagged too.

#unnamed oc core - wow it's just like him fr. Many things will be tagged this btw. They are not okay. (Same person as UG jsyk)

#pocketkitty - for posts I don't want in the pocket.cat tag or reblogging posts that are like pocket.cat. (only applies to him everyone else gets tagged with their name in posts that are like them)

#robot nephew - similar to pocketkitty just that it's. Mr robo.t K.y

#silly doctor man - I fell into gui.lty g.ear and now I'm in love with this bozo. When I don't want it to be in the main tag. Yes like pocketkitty and robo bo.

#mister omelette - guy that asks which came first the chicken or the egg. Answers himself, it's omelette.

Liveblog tags:

#mask quartet - fucking stupid masked bitches trying to save humanity gone wrong

#spoon cloak - that fucking mantis that I hate

Guilty gear: #pride in my gears: sign, #pride in my gears: rev, #pride in my gears: overture, #pride in my gears: strive

Bleach anime: #not drinking bleach (from Arrancar arc and onwards)

--

Tag me in stuff you think I like!! I don't mind! Or like tag games.

There's also a side blog. For degenerate thoughts of mine. If you want it just give a DM ig. (On the harder and disturbing side of kinks though, so warning) (also sometimes post my own drawn pornography there)

--

Pictures i want here

(This applies mostly to Faust. Sorry not sorry Faust. I will give you the worst horrors.)

(This is me any time someone mentions Conclave. I wish I could say I was exaggerating. I'll just say that Conclave has spiked my libido and I've been the fastest to draw suggestive art of them and write smut of them than of any other character I've fallen in love with. I need them carnally. And I tell you, it is a need.)

[thecrazyphantom]

Just some interactions that happened to me a couple of years ago.

The person I'm referring to is probably stalking my account as I post this 😕

(This is just a vent of mine, you can skip if you don't want to read it ❤️)

Btw both of us are Female(well idk what they are but they're afab)

I was so uncomfortable trying to respond to them saying this, let alone in response to my photo.

When they broke our friendship (In a very cringe way btw. I can elaborate if anyone asks) they told me how I "treated them horribly" even though I was the one who constantly just had to deal with their Bullshit when they texted me.

They'd also constantly oversexualize all the female characters I Roleplay/I like

Ex: Saying that Peko has (AND I LITERALLY QUOTE.) "phat juicy tits".

When we had a Simp channel in our Discord server That was Yk... Dedicated to fictional characters.. or people in their class they thought were pretty. They posted a photo into it of Me in a Byakuya Cosplay looking down at the camera and then started going on and on about how they'd give me everything they owned and such and it made me so uncomfortable that I couldn't even response logically so i just sent "<3" and didn't respond to the text.

They would also talk constantly about their AUs and stuff about The Cuphead show. I rlly did like a lot of what they talked about since I liked Cuphead the Game and have a very open mind to others Aus. But the thing was was that I had openly talked about how I didnt want to watch the Cuphead show because I just didn't like the voice acting ((Well they've got good voice acting, good Animation, and funny plots , but I just don't think the Cuphead cast should have voices. But I did watch the show after all this, and it was pretty good)). But i just remember that one day I was getting tired of them talking about Cuphead and I texted them "I don't mean to be rude but can you stop sending Cuphead content? You're slowly making me dislike it 😕" (that's the exact quote), and then they got annoyed and was like "that was the only direct cuphead thing I've sent" And I ofc denied that bc I don't rlly loose interest in things through only one message unless it's controversial. And I wasn't gonna deal with pulling up all that evidence so I just said "Omfg *name*" "Nah I'm done with discord" and they instantly started to "im so sorry" bomb but I told them I wouldn't talk to them until I calmed down bc I was just pretty grouchy at the moment. When I came back I sent some words abt me calming myself down again, then said "I apologize for my outburst". And bam we were somehow friends again????

What was even worse was that they did this all in front of our mutual friend (well at the time it was mutual, now they're just my friend ^_^) that they were at the time dating.

(I don't even remember if they sent more cuphead and I'm not even gonna dig for it)

All I know is that that could've been easily resolved by either just saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry I'll try to send them less" or even being like "Cuphead is my Hyperfixation, just like how your hyperfixation is Danganronpa"

They'd also text the gc that me and my friend were in that they were going to commit Slick-a-Slide and then disappear for weeks on end. So ofc me and my friend would be worried and get in a depressive state because we were under the false narrative that they Unalived, just for them to come back after a while and just brush it off. Each time we asked if they were okay they would always be like "Yeah Sorry my mom just took away my phone." And for a while I started to speculate that they were just in a Mental hospital but they never mentioned it (and they Kinda told us EVERYTHING that happens in their life/day/week.) So not only were they treating me wrong, they were dragging my friend into it and Worrying them. (This happened multiple times while they were dating, so I can't even imagine the levels of depression that could've spiraled my friend into. Like having to hear your lover say they were going to commit, then go offline for a long time, is actually petrifying.)

This is a small one but I also remember that a couple weeks or months before they broke ties with me, We were in a server with all of their friends (+my friend and I), they texted the public channel asking if anyone wanted to call, and when I said that I was down to call that literally responded something along the lines of "someone who isn't Phantom" and then they kicked me shortly after I responded with a sad emoji. That made me lose all left over respect I had for them. My friend confronted them on how that wasn't too nice to say, and then they got kicked too.

Also this is off track but imma bring it up since I'm currently obsessed with Korekiyo, but the way they Roleplayed Korekiyo made him seem like he's some Holier than thou character that could pretty much read minds and just tell what they were doing prior ((for example a character could make and excuse to walk off to give something to someone they're currently seeing and come back to Korekiyo and they'd respond "Oh were you giving something to *name*?")). Idk this just made me not like Korekiyo for a while after they broke ties with me.

Anyways that's all my ranting for now. Pip, Ace, whatever you're going by rn. If you see this, please get off my page, for you've made me dread each second and more that you've talked to me ;) ❤️

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

Here is the third of the posts I'm making that detail my thoughts on every episode of The Magnus Archives. This post details my thoughts on episodes 31-40, the last episodes of Season 1. I've absolutely loved this final quarter, and documenting it has been a really fun (and kind of traumatizing but I'll get to that) experience.

Please keep in mind a few things before you read this.

1: This post is LONG. Like I mean LOOOOOONNNGG. If you read this all in one sitting, I will be both humbled and concerned for your wellbeing, so just...keep that in mind.

2: Obviously there will be spoilers for all of the first season, so if you haven't listened to that, steer clear. If you have listened ahead of Season 1, which I'm assuming most people reading this have, please don't spoil any future episodes for me :).

3: I recommend reading my posts on previous episodes before this one, as I will make reference to them a few times. There is a link to my masterpost of them above the cut. With that, enjoy! :)

- Episode 31, First Hunt 🦌

Statement of Lawrence Mortimer, regarding his hunting trip to Blue Ridge, Virginia.

Jonathan Sims is the only guy ever. The man walks into his office, probably sleep deprived and without any caffeine in his bloodstream, does the best impression of a jolly old English man he can muster for twenty minutes straight, sings his little heart out at one point, and then proceeds to call the story about someone being hunted bullshit while he stares at the ceiling in dread of the evil sex worms hunting him. Btw, I will admit that last bit was a little annoying. Usually I’m fine with Jon calling statements dumb, as I think it adds to the loser old man twink vibe I get from him, but when he straight up sees a similarity between one paranormal occurrence and another, and one or said occurrences is haunting him in real time, his denial just came off as kind of frustrating, especially considering how he usually does pick up on connections between statements. Ok enough about Jon (I just love/affectionately hate him so much I’m sorry), more about the actual story. Well firstly, the portrayal of America was genuinely kind of perfect. I’m glad that more people around the world are able to learn about the horrors of The Appalachian Trail. (These specific horrors don’t get the sparkles, they’re just that fucked up.) I did also really like the whole role reversal with animals hunting humans, it oddly reminds me of some of the themes in Episode 30, but the flavor and execution is very different. I do also wonder if the presence of a lycanthrope somehow connects to the vampires in Episode 10, since I usually group those two monsters specifically. And much like the vampires, I actually really liked how the lycanthrope was portrayed here, it had a lot more intelligence than the average werewolf, where the human and animal forms are usually entirely different minds. Also, it not being able to die was…genuinely really fucking scary with the way it was described. And while I do have a distaste for hunting, I did genuinely feel pretty bad for Lawrence and Arden, neither of them deserved what happened to them. Finally, there’s the ending of the episode, which was…yikes. It’s genuinely quite shaking to see Jon this terrified, like he’s really started to realize how bad things are getting. I always love seeing him outside of when he’s reading statements, and I just UGH I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOOOOUUU. Honestly that’s probably my only kind of big frustration with the podcast. I mean, I still love the statements obviously, and they’re clearly working hard in the world-building and foreshadowing department, so it’s hardly affecting my enjoyment, but episodes like Colony and A Distortion are some of my favorites in the show so far, and it just makes me want to see more of what’s going on at the institute, and what the people who work there are like. Hopefully more episodes like those ones will show up soon, as I’d like the season to end on a special note. Well, aside from that, this was a very solid episode, and given the title of the next episode…well, I think my wishes will be granted soon. (JANE PRENTISS STATEMENT SAVE ME!!!)

I just realized that I’m basically writing my own statements here whoa.

- Episode 32, Hive 🐝

Statement of Jane Prentiss, regarding a wasps’ nest in her attic.

….The Jane Prentiss statement saved me, but NOT IN THE WAY I WANTED IT TO. (LIKE, IT WAS PHENOMENAL, MIGHT JUST BE MY NEW FAVORITE, BUT FUUUUUCCCKK.) Firstly, I think part of what made this statement so amazing was how it was framed. This is definitely the most cryptic story so far, valuing symbolism over a concise structure, but I actually felt like that worked perfectly here. Since Jane is practically deteriorating while writing this, it feels like she’s contemplating things we couldn’t even imagine. While also being aware of the true horrors she has now become witness and host to. And mentioning the symbolism, MY GOD IS IT GOOD. The Flesh Hive (and no, I’m not calling it the sex worms anymore, that ship has sailed) in particular is such an interesting concept, I mean, it’s more of a concept incarnate than any other horror so far. The way it reflects the metaphorical hive, the insect ecosystem that exists all around us, which in turn reflects a sort of toxic codependency and need to be loved, which is also reflected through Jane, and it all ends up as a combination between the concept of love and disgusting insects, it’s just, UGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH. On top of that, this is absolutely my favorite of Jonny Sims’ performances so far. He captured Jane, along with her shift into becoming a part of The Flesh Hive extremely well, but also mixes it with the genuine terror that Jon is feeling. Speaking of which, while it was certainly cathartic to see Jon admit that what’s happening is very real and very paranormal, it was also very terrifying in its own right. Either something very weird is happening in the archives (I mean, obviously SOMETHING is weird but Jon could be…well, he certainly isn’t normal, but, like, he doesn’t have to be PARAnormal, you know?), or, Jon has had some VERY weird experiences in his past, which I think is more likely. What they are, I don’t know, but I think they’re something similar to this, considering how he said that something in the statement had gotten to him. (Stay safe my poor little meow meow babygirl-) As for the story outside of just themes, I don’t have much to say honestly, it was still fantastic, just very simple due to the abstract nature of the episode. All I’ll say is that it was obviously terrifying, and I feel really bad for Jane. I don’t care if she was canonically “toxic” or whatever, she still deserved better than what happened to her, and the level of emotional distress she was in was absolutely chilling. (On the bright side though she kind of slays as an evil worm lady but I digress.) Anyways, the last thing I have to talk about is theories, because MY GOD, this gave me quite a bit to work with. (This is becoming a massive wall of text so I’m going to make a cut.)

Firstly, I think it’s time to go back to my theory about cults and higher powers. There’s been at least one instance of a cult via The People’s Church of The Divine Host, but due to characters like Gerard Keay, the other guy in the hospital, Sarah Baldwin, potentially The Lukas Family, potentially Jurgen Leitner, likely The Circus of The Other, and more, I feel like there are multiple cults and multiple higher powers, potentially at odds with each other given what happens in Episode 12. And I think this applies to this episode, as Jane was a practicing witch, and The Flesh Hive seems to be some kind of higher power as well. I think other higher powers might be The Anglerfish, the growing darkness, something associated with eyes, maybe “Micheal”, and some other potential candidates. Overall it does feel like the podcast is leaning towards the eldritch kind of horror (which is my absolute jam btw), so I hope I’m right in my assumptions. As for what these higher powers may want, I feel like maybe they’re…punishing humanity for their hubris? Like, I know that assumption might sound like it’s coming from someone who can only view these sorts of things from a religious perspective, but hear me out, because you have episodes like Do Not Open, Alone, Lost Johns’ Cave, Confession and Desecrated Host, Freefall, Skintight, First Hunt, and even this one with how Jane is practicing witchcraft, where characters who are comfortable in situations that many would find scary, and are then scared while in that situation. The only possible exception is in Arachnophobia, where Carlos is already scared of what he’s haunted by, but you could argue that he was being punished for a potential curiosity with spiders he had when he was younger. So yeah, those are some small thoughts I had about how some of this all ties together, but I had a couple of other small observations as well. Firstly, the presence of spiders in Jane’s attic. She implies that they exist separately from The Flesh Hive, so I do wonder if they tie into what happened in Episode 16 at all, especially considering that the worms were in fact mentioned there. Secondly, there’s her mention of “fools chasing fractals”. If that doesn’t tie into Episode 8 with Ivo’s father, I don’t know what does. Thirdly, her landlord was smoking a cigarette, which just reminds me of everything involving The Anglerfish (although I checked to see if he was mentioned in Ep. 1 like Sarah and no, he wasn’t.) And fourthly, one that was mentioned in the YouTube comments, Antonio from Ep. 11 was said to be working at a Crystal shop, had a somewhat similar experience where his mind was directly connected to ✨the horrors✨over a long period of time, and was also under a fake name. They said that maybe this would explain why that one guy looked at her sadly, maybe he was “Antonio” and knew what was going on, and while I’m not 100% sold on the idea, I thought it was interesting.

So…yeah. That was…an experience. Suffice to say, I am terrified. I’m terrified of Jane, for Jane, for Jon, for The Institute, and for my sanity as I delve deeper into the never ending rabbit hole that is The Magnus Archives. (I have 168 episodes left, Christ.) This episode is phenomenal, and there’s probably a lot I didn’t even talk about but…I think I’m going to lie down now, maybe get an exterminator contact ready just in case…auuughhhh.

- Episode 33, Boatswain’s Call ⛴️

Statement of Carlita Sloane, regarding her work on a container ship traveling from Porto do Itaqui to Southampton.

Oh thank god some time to breathe after last episode. I mean…not really, but you know what I mean. I’ll start off with what is the obvious highlight of the episode: TIM!!! I said earlier that I feel like he has bastard energy, and I was…kind of right about that? He’s nicer than I expected though. As for whether I love or hate him…yeah I’m leaning towards loving him, he’s fun :). Also, I absolutely love how they retconned errors in previous episodes at the beginning, that’s super funny and a really clever workaround to discrepancies. But how about the statement? Well, I will start with my one slight critique, that being that this is one of the least scary episodes for me so far. Which like, I feel like Rusty Quill knows that, since Jon outright says there’s nothing really paranormal here, but it’s ultimately whatever. Still though, the atmosphere here was really well done, the whole vibe of a creepy boat was captured very well through the writing, no outright big scares in the episode, but it did a very good job keeping me on edge. One of the moments that did genuinely make me pretty damn scared was when Carlita was digging through the shipping containers, and was then called out to the lifeboat by the rest of the crew. As someone with a very deep fear of being caught doing something people don’t want me to do, (even though my cowardly ass would never even bother), that certainly made me feel really uneasy, even though she was fine in the end. There’s not a whole lot to say here honestly, other than a few observations and theories. Firstly, I’m really glad we got some more insight into The Lukas Family! Episode 13 is still a favorite for me, so it’s nice to see connections to it showing up. This episode didn’t really reveal that much, other than that they help fund the institute, which like, is good way to keep them from investigating the weird shit the family seems to get up to honestly. And given the presence of the fog, as well as the overarching theme of isolation present with them, if I didn’t think they were responsible for what happened in Episode 13 already, I absolutely think so now. I also do really think that Evan was a family traitor of some kind, since he was very social, which opposes what the family seems to stand for. Lastly, I’ll mention my thoughts on Sean Kelly. I definitely believe that the crew of The Tundra killed him, but I also wonder if he was responsible for what was making the crew so antisocial, as that would explain why they started acting social after his death. It also makes me wonder whether or not I’m supposed to believe that the captain was involved or not….hm. Overall a good episode, I liked it, but there’s not much more to say on it.

Ok there is actually one other thing I did actually notice in retrospect. It’s very interesting to me that despite this being arguably the LEAST paranormal statement so far, despite the connections to The Lukas Family, Jon still seems very certain that something is weird here, more than he usually is. It really feels like everything with Jane has given him a new perspective…I’m scared…

- Episode 34, Anatomy Class 🍎

Statement of Dr. Lionel Elliot, regarding a series of events that took place during his class, ‘Introduction to Human Anatomy and Physiology’ at King’s College, London. Statement taken direct from subject.

So, fun fact, before I really got into TMA, this was one of the episodes I had heard mentioned here and there, and I knew nothing about it, other than the fact that people really seemed to like it. And now that I’ve finally listened to it myself, I can absolutely see why. Firstly, I’ll start off a bit by talking about Dr. Elliot, as I thought he was a pretty interesting character. I just kind of liked his general vibe, and his voice actor did a fantastic job at selling how distraught he was by the experience, although it does make me hope he’ll be ok after everything that happened to him. I also loved his conversation with Jon at the beginning (he’s awesome for respecting the tape recorder btw), and while it is a bit of a shame to see Jon go back to not really believing a case that much, I still felt like it was decently justifiable here, as the evidence admittedly isn’t the best. (Also his reaction to the apple was fantastic lmao.) But as for the actual statement, I agree with the common sentiment that it was…kind of cute? Like, don’t get me wrong, it is still a damn scary scenario. The weird shit the students get up to, the fact they are very clearly not human, their general vibe, and the implication that they killed a professor who failed to teach them are all horrifying, but…I don’t know, there’s some very real charm to this one as well. Like, even though their motives for wanting to seem more human are probably more sinister than this, I do like to imagine that they’re just wanting to relate to humans, so they decided to…enroll in college I guess. Like, if Dr. Elliot vibed with them more, this could have spun off into a very fun, slightly morbid college comedy. I do also love how genuinely polite they were as well, like, all of this considered, I absolutely get why people love this episode, it’s just genuinely very creative and a lot of fun. As for theories, honestly I don’t have that many, although someone in the YouTube comments (which by the way, I REALLY need to thank everyone there for being very resistant to spoiling, it means a whole lot for new listeners like myself), stated that there were some odd similarities between certain things that happened in this episode, and some of the stuff found in the bags in Episode 5. It makes me wonder if all of the bin bags contained discarded research materials being used by the students (which actually makes the art student jokes people were making in the comments even funnier in retrospect), and if the “him” Alan Parfitt came across was one of the students. Oh, and all of the bone imagery kind of reminds me of Episode 17 as well, and the teeth stuff kind of reminds me of Episode 10 (maybe the anatomy students are vampires…hm.) Outside of that, this was just a really fun and great episode, and I hope that Dr. Elliot comes back in the future just to see where this potential plot line could go.

- Episode 35, Old Passages 🔨

Statement of Harold Silvana, regarding discoveries made during the renovation of the Reform Club, Pall Mall.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I’M SCARED!!!!!!! Man, this final quarter has been REALLY solid so far, like, the fact that Hive, Anatomy Class, and now this are so close together is genuinely stunning. Once again, there is QUITE a bit to unpack here, so I’ll take it one step at a time. I’ll start by talking about the elements of the episode that are…less brainrot inducing, as that’s easiest to discuss. Firstly, I remember that Sasha mentioned a “Harold Silvana” case back in Episode 24, so it’s really cool to see that brought back here! But moving on from that neat little tidbit, I’ll start talking about the actual statement. Yeah this one was just really creepy. The story itself was a bit shorter than other statements, but it still did a good job at creating dread. The hallways underneath the club were genuinely very unnerving, and it was also sad to see Alfred die, I thought that Harold’s comment about there being little to no one to remember him was pretty depressing. I also do wonder if the reason the members of The Reform Club didn’t want the architects to get involved with it any further was because they were aware of the hallways, and maybe making use of the strange forces down there. I mean, it just feels kind of fitting to have a high society like faction be involved in some shady business, you know? Also, I noticed that Jon’s vocal delivery of Harold was quite in line with his usual voice, which just makes me feel like they would get along if they met, idk. But honestly, while I think that the basic plot of this episode is still good, it PALES in comparison to the amount of connections it provides. Firstly, Jurgen Leitner. This fucking guy. You know what, I think the guy who made the rant about him was right, why DOES he have so many fucked up books? I…genuinely don’t know what to think of this guy. On one hand, his irritable nature that’s displayed here, and his desire to have all of this dangerous literature do raise some red flags, but it’s also possible that he only wishes to keep these books safe from those who would use them from bad purposes, as there’s no real record of him doing anything bad with them. Still though…he unnerves me, but it was cool to finally have him actually appear in a statement. Secondly, GERARD KEAY LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO. I don’t even KNOW where this guy stands morally, but I just get happy whenever this weird little emo man shows up and I don’t know why. Anyways, I…think that this helps piece the timeline surrounding him together…a bit. What I can say for certain is that the Leitner he got here is the same one Mary Keay uses in Episode 4 (which might also be The Boneturner’s Tale, but I doubt it since that one revolves around bending already existing bones, while this one is about creating new ones), so it must have come into her hands some time after this episode. But outside of that, all of the things this episode did that surrounded him was just make me more intrigued, honestly. After Episode 12, I started to think that he was against some evil forces, like his mother and the other guy in the hospital, but that he probably still served his own forces (given the creepy eye symbolism, which I do believe is evil given the church in Episode 20 and the crypt in Episode 23), so he comes off as kind of an anti-villain to me. And this episode didn’t really change that, although I do question his motives for grabbing the Leitner. He’s seemingly been established to have a negative relationship with his mother as an adult, but given that he was younger here, I wonder if they were on better terms in the past, and he actually gave the Leitner to her out of his own will before a potential fall out. Eh, food for thought, I just think he’s really neat. (Making a cut because this is very long now.)

Thirdly, we have Robert Smirke. Firstly, I checked and he was indeed a real person! I’m very glad to see the podcast slightly demonize a British Museum architect, that feels deserved honestly. Ok, I say demonize because this guy built a bunch of terrifying hallways, but granted he could be good idk. Assigning characters strict moral alignments at this point is pretty hard tbh. Anyways, I don’t have that much to say about Smirke himself, other than that I think he was definitely involved with at least one of the major cults we’ve seen, and that he might have ties to some of the recurring creepy churches we’ve seen so far. …I might have to check if the real person actually worked on Hither Green Chapel or not, just in case. What does concern me is the hallways. Obviously, thirteen is a bad sign (I know it’s technically fourteen but like you get the idea, it’s framed as thirteen in the script when the architects enter the central room), but someone in the comments pointed out odd similarities between the hallways and previous episodes. Ones that stood out to me was one that was described as entirely dark, another with cobwebs in it, and the first corridor, which was described in an EERILY similar manner to Lost Johns’ Cave. I don’t know, it very well might just be me going insane, but I feel like the passages here are meant to reprisent certain…feelings throughout the series. Maybe not more sentient entities like, for example, The Anglerfish, but like, I could see a corridor similar to the weird foggy graveyard from Episode 13, or the dreams from Episode 11. Basically I think the passages are meant to connect to the more environmental horrors we’ve seen so far. It’s just…AGH THIS PODCAST IS DRIVING ME INSANE AND I’M BARELY COHERENT ANYMORE. Ok, I’ll wrap things up with some brief comments on the ending. Oh dear god the ending. Firstly, is it wrong that Jon’s surprise at the worms in his office made me jump more than anything else in the show so far? Like, considering how terrifying these statements are…that just feels like a disservice from me to the writers and directors, Idk. But secondly (ignoring the worms because I’ve gone on long enough about them)…Breekon and Hope…hi….oh no. They…they were very creepy…I’m guessing they’re twins because they’re very Shining-core to me….and considering that they are the same men who showed up in Episode 2 (or at least prominent to the delivery company those men were a part of)….I do not like the idea of them giving a package to Jon. Needless to say I do not want Jon to open that package. I think that is a bad idea. And I do not like how they encouraged Martin to turn off the recording. I…I think I’m going to go to bed now…

Speaking of bed, I’m sorry if this one wasn’t very coherent lmao. I’m just really tired right now and…yeah this podcast is pulling me into a very deep rabbit hole that I do not think I was prepared for as I thought I would be. Well, anyways, hopefully my incoherency at the very least makes it clear how insane I am about this episode. (Oh also I checked and no, Robert Smirke did not work on Hither Green Chapel, but I still find his work on churches interesting…)

- Episode 36, Taken Ill ✋

Statement of Nicole Baxter, regarding visits culminating in the fire that consumed Ivy Meadows Care Home in Woodley, Greater Manchester.

Unlike last episode, which is just making my brain spiral until it turns to goo, this one was definitely a bit more digestible. That being said…AAAAGUHFGHHGGHHHHHJJJJKKKKKKKKKNGDFGHHJJBFFHHJJNN!!!! I am in LOVE with how everything is coming together, it’s just, UGH it’s so satisfying! The amount of recurring elements, the fact that so many theories and bits of foreshadowing are being validated, it’s just…YES! I LOVE THIS PODCAST SO FUCKING MUCH AND I’M BOTH EXCITED AND TERRIFIED FOR THE END OF THE SEASON! JANE IS COMING HOME BITCHES!!!! Ok…sorry I just needed to get that out of my system, now I’ll talk about this depressing ass statement. Because yes, this one was really messed up! Seeing such a lovely sweet place where the people were able to find community even in their somewhat dire circumstances get absolutely torn apart by an even more terrifying version of death from rot and illness, which already majorly affects the elderly in real life….yeah it was upsetting! I mean, it was good, fantastic storytelling as always but DAMN. Also as someone who does have quite a notable fear of just…generally gross shit, this one did hit home quite a bit. The part where it’s implied Nicole cut off her own hand due to the constant pestilence coming back to haunt her (which did actually remind me of the history of the house on Hill Top Road, as well as the ghost spider…hm…), was genuinely kind of hard to stomach. Honestly the only thing about this episode that WASN’T terrifying was the humor of Nicole’s uncle keeping his estranged partner’s name in his business out of spite. That was actually very funny. So yeah, overall a very terrifying statement, but what about…✨the connections✨ (yeah they get the sparkles as well, who are you to judge). So starting with the obvious, the similarities to The Flesh Hive and Jane Prentiss. I do indeed think that the mysterious force here is either the same thing or something VERY adjacent to The Flesh Hive (but also the yellow shit in Episode 18), and that this episode 100% confirms that Jane isn’t being controlled or anything, but is dead, and the hive is just controlling her body now (which like, was already pretty obvious, but this just confirms it to me.) However, one thing that concerns me about these similarities more than anything else is John Amherst. From my point of view, it was implied that Mr. Amherst was consciously responsible for the spread of the illness, which is in stark contrast to Jane, who only started spreading her worms due to her infection and loss of sanity. This makes me thing that maybe John was somehow involved in getting the hive to absorb Jane, but really who knows? I do admittedly think it would be more interesting if Jane was chosen by the hive itself, but still, I think it would be interesting if her apotheosis was a part of some greater plot. Another thing that ties to Jane that I’m kind of curious about is Nicole’s opening words about fear, which Jon compares to Jane’s statement. It just got me thinking about some other theories which then made me think…what if the eldritch horrors that seem to be behind everything, the things that all of the cults worship, are meant to represent different fears. What if that’s what the different passages in Episode 35 represent (so like, claustrophobia for the first passage, and then stuff like the dark, falling and spiders for other ones.) This theory still needs a LOT of time to flesh itself out, but I’ll put a list of what I think some of the eldritch forces are after I write about the rest of the episode. I might be crazy, but given how “fear” is reoccurring throughout as a theme, more so than a lot of other horror, I have to wonder about this.

Ok, another thing that rattled my brain was…TREVOR THE FUCKING TRAMP? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD? At first I thought he and his companion might be The Fairchilds from Episode 21, but the reveal of his actual identity was a complete shock. Not that I’m complaining though, he’s one of my favorite statement givers so far. Either way, I’m very curious about his presence here, as well as the identity of his companion, and what role they might serve in the plot. Considering that it’s implied they burnt down the care home, and that Trevor hunts vampires for a living, I feel like these guys are probably trying to combat the horrors, but much like Gerard, I wonder if it’s for entirely moral purposes. And finally we have the ending. Oh boy the ending. I know I’m always saying “this is terrifying” or “the archives are in deep shit now” or something along those lines like…whenever ANYTHING relevant happens at the institute, but like, can you blame me? This is mortifying, I do not want my favorite workplace comedy cast to end up in grave danger, and yet I have to cope with the fact that they probably already are. So, the lighter isn’t the most concerning thing ever, I mean, the spider web pattern is interesting, and given the prominence of cigarettes (as well as Gerard’s lighter in Episode 12), I know I should be suspicious about it. But honestly? I’m more concerned about the table. Because…of course I am. I don’t know what this table does, I just know that it is creepy, that anything Breekon and Hope deliver is bad news, that the implication they gave it to Graham Folger is also terrifying, and that I do not like it’s presence in the artifact storage. Why I am I even saying this, of course I’m scared, you should already know that I am not prepared for whatever comes up in these last four episodes, and beyond. End recording or whatever the fuck.

Ok, so as promised here’s what I think some of ✨the horrors✨ are, and what episodes I think they might appear in

- The Anglerfish (1, 28)

- The Sky, I Guess (4, 21)

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 36, maybe 18)

- The War Incarnate? (7)

- Heat aligned entity, called Asag? (8, 12, 18, 20)

- The darkness (9, 15, 25)

- Eyes (4, 12, 20, 23)

- Something aligned with isolation (13, 33)

- Bone Thing (4, 14, 17, 35) (This could be the same thing as the sky due to their connection with Leitners)

- Spiders (16, 22, 32, 35, 36 via the lighter)

- MEAT (18, 30)

- Whatever The Circus of The Other serves (24)

- “Micheal” (26, maybe 8?)

- And then probably something I’m missing due to the 14 corridors

I excluded some things like shapeshifters and vampires, since they seem to be species, Breekon and Hope, The Keay and Lukas Familes, Jurgen Leitner, etc., because they all seem to be servants of ✨the horrors✨ rather than horrors themselves (although I do think “Micheal” is an exception based on vibes alone), stuff like the table and the coffin, which are more like creepy artifacts than anything else, and then other stuff like whatever was trying to get inside Paul McKenzie’s room, which I just don’t know enough about. But…yeah! The ideas are very scattered right now, but I feel like I’m slowly piercing together what the horrific forces of this world might be (on the assumption that’s what we’re dealing with here, which I see no reason not to honestly)

UPDATE: Ok so after some thought I’m not too sure about the idea of ✨the horrors✨ literally representing different types of fear. I think that could still be the case with the passages, but the things I presume to be eldritch beings (like whatever is behind all the bones), while obviously not devoid of themes, are just a bit too specific for this to work. I still think the things I listed are likely to be big bad eldritch horrors, I just think I was a little bit off with what I think they represent, and I need to rethink my steps. Also, this is all on the assumption that there is more than one big evil here. I think it’s likely due to a lot of Gerard’s dialogue in Episode 12, but yeah…this theory only works if another theory is also true. Either way, I do think that the podcast will really delve into fear as a concept, and the psychology behind it, as time goes on, based on themes alone. Ok I’ve talked long enough, on to episode 37.

- Episode 37, Burnt Offering 🍼

Statement of Jason North, regarding the discovery of an alleged ritual site found near Loch Glass in Scotland.

If there was any episode that proves a shorter one isn’t necessarily a worse one, it was absolutely this. Because while the statement is short, and comparatively simple compared to a lot of others, DAMN. I really liked this one. However, I’ll start simple with the stuff that happened outside the statement. Firstly, man…poor Jon. It’s been really interesting but also…really sad seeing his mental state deteriorate over the course of the season, and I hope that he’ll at least be able to get some rest at some point in the near future, although it does feel like a storm is going to come soon. I also found Martin’s scene here interesting as well, as you can tell that he’s still feeling nervous after what happened in Episode 22, and that things haven’t exactly gotten better. The other thing of note is the table, which…yeah, it’s still worrying. I don’t know WHAT this thing does, although I do think it’s interesting that it shows up in an episode that seems to involve the heat related entity from Episode 12 and the Hill Top Road statements. This is because I strongly suspect that the box Ivo found beneath the tree belonged was actually the missing piece of the table, so I feel as if maybe it connects to the heat entity. This might also mean that Graham’s stress could’ve been due to the heat, as well as the monster that stole his identity, although I do have to question where exactly this would fit in with Episode 12. Still though, this does all intrigue me. I also find it curious that the box Ivo found contained an apple with spiders inside (which also kind of brings back thoughts about Episode 34), and that the other thing Breekon and Hope brought to Jon was a lighter with a spiderweb design on it. I’m connecting the dots! (I’m not connecting shit, am I.) But as for the statement…yikes. This is up there with Jane’s statement as being one of the most visceral, one where you really understand the mental state of the author. Like, you can FEEL Jason’s pain here, and having him get genuinely angry with the institute at the beginning was kind of chilling. Obviously it’s not the first time that’s happened, but usually the people who got angry with the institute were ones giving statements live, while here, you hear that anger coming from Jon’s mouth and it’s…off. Also, can I just say that this guy got screwed over so badly? He literally just dropped a bottle of old milk on the ground, and then as punishment he had his entire life literally set ablaze, and had to kill himself to protect his 4-year old son. That’s genuinely like…so fucked up and it’s not even something I can joke about! Really the only thing I can joke about is the mention of Pine Martins being tiny and adorable, which to me is meant to say that Martin Blackwood is tiny and adorable (if that wasn’t already obvious to me.) God I love Martin so much….What was I talking about? Oh yeah,✨the horrors✨. So I guess the only thing left to talk about now is connections.

Well, as I stated earlier, I think the eldritch entity associated with heat that has likely appeared multiple times before appears here as well, obviously. And if Ep. 12 didn’t already give me suspicions, this one absolutely solidified that there is a cult serving this entity. It doesn’t say much about the history of the house on Hill Top Road or what was going on with the man in the hospital, but it’s interesting nonetheless. But of course, the most interesting thing here is the bottles with pictures of Gertrude Robinson in them. …Oh dear. Firstly, I learned that this scene was actually inspired by the experiences of a real person on an old Rusty Quill forum, which is really cool! But aside from that, I’m wondering…is this meant to tell us how Gertrude died? I initially thought her presence here was meant to tell me that she might have been more evil than I initially thought, but now I’m kind of wondering if she was against the cult that serves the heat, and they killed, or at the very least attempted to kill her via a ritual in the woods. And if that’s the case, why not do the same with Gerard, who also seemed to be against this cult? Unless the brain tumor was somehow caused by the cult? I. HAVE. SO. MANY. QUESTIONS!!!! There are three episodes of this season left….aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA-

Unrelated side note: A thought that popped into my head earlier was that maybe Breekon and Hope were the people who stole the calliope organ in Episode 24. I mean, it seems in character based on what we know of them, and it did end up in artifact storage like the table…Also, I found Martin’s description of them really weird? Like, what do you MEAN they were normal, mother fuckers spoke like the twins from The Shining! AND WHO THE HELL IS ROSIE??!! Ok goodnight :).

- Episode 38, Lost and Found 🏺

Statement of André Ramao, regarding a series of misplaced objects lost over the course of three months.

Ok yes, the vase was absolutely a gaslighting homophobe, there, I SAID IT, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! (Ok but in all seriousness I think the fact everyone agrees this is the vase’s motivation is absolutely hilarious, if it ends up being canon I will laugh my ass off.) Anyways, enough humor, because things are SERIOUS now. I’ll give my overall thoughts on the statement first. Honestly, when you remove the absurd nature of what’s going on, this one was genuinely very visceral and heartbreaking. I’ve seen people say that this one is a commentary on the fear of losing things, and while I absolutely agree, the main takeaway I got was the commentary on materialism, and how if you place too much value on material possessions you will lose the things you truly cherish. I think you can really tell that through the way André treats his husband through the story. Like, he talks about getting into a fight with him, and being angry when he started trying to contact doctors, and while I’m sure there was obviously love there, I don’t think André realized how much his husband mattered to him until it was too late. It’s not the most subversive or complex metaphor of all time, but I still think it really works and that it’s pretty damn powerful. It hurts even more with how he does eventually get all of those material possessions back, but still loses his husband. And while I COULD complain about the show’s first somewhat prominent gay couple being buried, I know that’s it’s not because of their sexuality, but because it’s the fucking Magnus Archives, where no happiness is allowed. I also find it concerning that André knows the vase is still stealing things (…writing that down really puts into perspective how nutty this podcast can be), it makes me wonder if it might be in the artifact storage somewhere…oh no. Mentioning artifact storage, what about Mikaele Salesa? So, I checked to see if he appeared in any previous episodes, and he did, back in Episode 14! Unfortunately, that doesn’t really give us much information on him outside of his appearance, but it does prove to me that he’s at least somewhat important. I will say that he really did remind me a lot of Breekon and Hope, which does make me wonder if there’s a connection between them. The only thing that I found to be a very notable difference is that Mikaele has some level of fear towards ✨the horrors✨, while Breekon and Hope seem do be in direct service of them. That doesn’t necessarily make Mikaele a good person, I mean, I definitely think that he knew about the vase, but just pretended not to to save his own skin, but he might not be like…an evil mastermind that wants to spread ✨the horrors✨ wherever he goes, which I get the vibe of from a lot of other characters. But outside of that, there were a good few odd similarities to other episodes. I found it interesting that the war-related items in Mikaele’s warehouse were from The American Revolution and World War 1 respectively, as those are the wars that the only war-related episodes so far have taken place in (those being 7 and 29.) I also definitely think that Mikaele had Leitners in his possession, and I felt like the description of the vase’s pattern was very similar to that of the table, which should be more relevant than ever. Some other things that the vase reminded me of was the impersonator from Episode 3, what with the way that it successfully gaslights everyone aside from the statement giver and…debatably the archival staff, although I don’t think they count since as far as I’m concerned none of them were directly involved with the events of these statements. I initially thought that the creepy hand was supposed to be David, but someone in the YouTube comments said that it could be the same hand from Episode 15, which is….concerning, given how scary that one was. I do wonder if that means this statement connects back to The People’s Church of The Divine Host though, since I felt like that was involved with Episode 15. But with all of that out of the way, there’s the end of the episode. I am hyperventilating so bad.

So yeah….Jane came home I guess. I’m…very interested to see whatever happens in the next episode. All I know is that I’m absolutely in what you’d consider the season finale now. I do have a couple of thoughts here, outside of just being terrified. Because obviously, the way that Jon just smashed that spider is very similar to the events of Episode 16, which brings multiple concerns. Firstly, I initially thought that Jon’s decision to kill it was a bit stupid given his knowledge of that statement, but then I remembered that it was almost as if an external force was compelling Carlos Vittery to kill that spider, so I assume the same thing happened to Jon. And if so….please don’t wrap my boy’s corpse up in webs :(. Secondly, since the killing of the spider causes the worms to conveniently burst in, I wonder if that was why the mysterious force was compelling Carlos to kill the spider. I mean, the worms WERE in his apartment, so maybe killing the ghost spider (which I assume is the same one we see here) is somehow capable of summoning the worms, meaning that….Carlos Vittery could be a part of The Flesh Hive?! Or at least there was an attempt to make that happen like with Harriet Lee? …Sometimes the connections really make my brain melt. And finally, I’m now wondering if the reason as to why the spider even showed up was due to the lighter Jon received from Breekon and Hope, since it had a spiderweb design on it. I mean, they obviously have a knack for giving people things that lures ✨the horrors✨ to them, so I would not be that surprised if this theory ends up being correct. (Also, if Jon was to set the worms on fire with the very same lighter that might have summoned them to him…that would be a massive power move that would make me very happy.) But more than anything, this just gets me thinking even more about that damn table. WHY IS IT HERE? IS IT GOING TO SUMMON THE HEAT TO GET RID OF THE WORMS? DOES THAT MAKE BREEKON AND HOPE A NEUTRAL PARTY IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS? AM I EVER GOING TO GET ANSWERS?! …..I’m not prepared for this season finale.

do you think this is what the vase looked like

- Episode 39, Infestation 🧯

Original recording of Jane Prentiss’ attack upon The Magnus Institute, London.

WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT FUCKING MINDS DECIDED THAT YOU CAN JUST END THE EPISODE LIKE THAT?! LIKE, IN RETROSPECT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS THAT THE SEASON FINALE WOULD BE A TWO-PARTER BUT GOOOOOOOODD!!!! So fun fact, I was so scared going in to this episode that I took two days off listening to mentally prepare myself, and even after that…THIS ONE SCARED ME MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!!! Did I like it? Absolutely! It’s at the very least in my top 4 episodes, in fact, I think it might only be barely beaten by Episode 32, and it’s very close competition. As someone who’s really liked all of the stuff that happens in the institute, and with the institute staff, this episode was a dream come true, and with the way things are being set up, I’m really excited by the prospect of there being more episodes like this in the future seasons. But…jfc. This is….a LOT. Now, due to the fact that this episode is structured very differently than anything else before it, and because I have so much to say, I’m just going to dedicate different paragraphs to a specific recording each, so I can make my thoughts clear and concise. Starting with…

The second recording. Look, the first one is basically a bunch of chaotic screaming and worms, I don’t know what else you would expect me to say. So the first thing I want to address is that we finally get to see members of the archival staff interacting as a group. I already did feel like their comments on one another give a good look at their dynamic, but it was nice to see it in person, despite the horrific and perilous situation they’re in :). But what are some other things. Well, even though this is shown in later recordings in the episode, I’ll just put it here that I really like how Martin is characterized here. The scene with him in Episode 37, as well as most of his scenes here really do show a new level of confidence and just flesh him out really nicely. There’s some morbid humor in him carrying around a corkscrew to get rid of the worms, and…yeah! I just really like him, he’s definitely one of my favorite characters so far. The main beef of this recording however is the stuff we get from Jon. Not only is the overarching theme of the episode, that being the desire to be remembered, conveyed really well through his dialogue here, but it felt like this scene came with some…nice closure, I guess. We’ve seen Jon become less and less skeptical as time goes on, especially in this final fourth of the season, but it felt really gratifying for him to just straight up admit that what’s happening is real. But there were also quite a couple of intriguing things that he said. Firstly is his comments about Gertrude. He makes the suggestion that she could potentially be alive, and while I doubt that due to her presence in Antonio’s dreams, and the fact that her supposed date of death was when The People’s Church of The Divine Host did a creepy ritual, it does just make me more curious about what truly happened to her. All things considered, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that ghosts exist in this universe so…I don’t know, maybe we’ll see her come back in a way, but I don’t think she’s…entirely alive. The other curious thing was the reveal about the statements. We already knew that something prevented them from being uploaded to computers, but now we know that this only applies to statements that are real. This not only means that Jon has…basically no excuse at this point to be a skeptic, but that I am getting VERY curious about the tapes and the statements on a fundamental level. I’ll touch on it a bit more later, but it does feel like there’s more to the framing device of the podcast itself here than meets the eye, and it is EXCITING me. Anyways, on to the next recording. (I’m still just contemplating that THIS episode came after the homophobic vase one. Holy shit.)

Tim….please never die. I mean, I know it’s funny that I say that since he was VERY close to death here (and could still die in the next one but like…I doubt it because of the fact we already probably have one major death…I’ll touch on that later…), and also because I’ve only known him for two episodes but like…he’s so cool man I can’t help it. “Statement of Joe Spooky regarding sinister happenings” is by far the funniest line in the podcast so far, perfect for the season finale, and…I WAS SO WORRIED FOR HIM UAAAAAGGGHHH!!! Like, the death flags were hoisted HIGH, so I’m glad he survived this episode….even if it probably came at the expense of another character, unfortunately. Ok, I’ll get to that when I get to that. Really not much more to say here other than “Tim is funny and I’m scared”, although hey! It’s Jane! I mean it’s really cool to finally hear her voice but she had one line so I don’t know what else to add. Regardless, time for the kind of wholesome but also ominous as shit recording!

Look, while they are obviously still in peril, while there are certainly some very concerning implications here, while they are still arguing…this one was kind of nice. Obviously Jon and Martin are very different people, and are still quite a ways off from sorting out all of their differences, but…this was very nice. Considering how much Jon belittles Martin in early S1, having him talk to him like this, in a situation where they are both equals, it’s genuinely very gratifying, and probably the most earnest Jon has ever been, as well as the most confident Martin has ever been. Obviously I love it when Jon is a mean asshole and when Martin is just a little guy, but this felt like really good character development for both of them. But outside of that, the most interesting thing here is a look into Jon’s psyche, and why he acts a skeptical as he does. Firstly, the fact that he actually joined the institute due to a genuine belief in the paranormal does make me wonder…what the hell happened to him. I mean, the institute doesn’t seem like the most fun place to work at in the world, nor the most mainstream, so like…I’m getting a lot more curious about Jon’s past now, and the same goes for Martin’s, maybe even more since we learn even less about his reasons for joining the institute than with Jon, and more about his reasons for staying there after Jane forced him into hiding. But obviously, the most ominous thing to me here was how Jon said he felt like he was being…watched. This could mean…genuinely so many things, but to me, I felt like the meaning was a PERSONAL ATTACK. Like, it doesn’t HAVE to be, but given that the podcast already has some decent potential for meta elements, are…are they trying to say that I’M the one tormenting Jon?! Because, like…yeah, I have wanted to see him start admitting that the statements are real! And I have been watching him! (or I guess listening, but…shut up…) In fact, it’s especially damning for someone like me, because I don’t listen to TMA in the background or anything, I sit my ass down, stare at the screen and start taking notes. I…I don’t know where this whole thing will go but for now I’m offended. (But like, if this metaphor ends up being true that I must say…that is some BRILLIANT writing.) There was also Jane’s weird actions here, with how she was seemingly destroying statements and papers. This isn’t exactly surprising, after all, she did suggest that the reason The Flesh Hive wants Jon dead is because as an archivist, his job is to understand things, which the hive seemingly doesn’t want unless it opens its arms to someone directly (very finally fitting if I might add), but still…it’s curious to me. Considering how this whole recording gets you to think about what’s up with the statements, I feel like maybe The Flesh Hive knows a bit more than others do… Finally, we have the ghost conversation, which is really funny and a great character moment for Jon and especially Martin, but like…what if though…what if…

ELIAS BOUCHARD IS A SKETCHY ASS MAN. This guy has only shown up ONCE before this episode, and when he finally returns he is…unnervingly chill about the whole situation. Like, he is just…NOT concerned about the attack, he seems a tad bit too comfortable with the prospect of Jon and Martin dying via C02, and he’s just…he’s just really fucking sketchy. I can’t remember if I’ve stated it before, but from what we’ve seen and heard of him, I’ve always gotten the vibes that Elias knows a lot more than he lets on. Like, in the way that he’s been working at the institute long enough to know that there’s something really weird about it, (which btw, thinking about how weird the institute is does really get me thinking about it’s founding a lot more…my brain is melting…) and he wants to stay away from the weird shit as far as possible. Some suspicious things with him are his reluctance to antagonize The Lukas Family which is…understandable, I guess, if they help keep the institute around, but then there’s the fact that he clearly knows more about Gertrude than everyone else, but is being REALLY quiet about it, exemplified via what Jon says about him in Episode 11. And then there’s the fact that later on, Sasha mentions how he has a tendency to change the subject and…yeah…I don’t know how to feel about him. Honestly all I have to say about this recording corresponds with Elias, so I’ll just move on to the next one.

Ok, so since these recordings are pretty short, and Sasha’s last one is….woah…I’m just going to cover the last two that have Jon and Tim in them briefly here. As expected, Tim continues to be comedy gold. Him bursting through the wall and being super chill (and not in the creepy Elias way) was honestly just want I needed. I did NOT need him pulling…something off though, but…whatever. Also the reveal of Martin recording poetry was fantastic, I need that to be a spin-off ASAP. Magnus Protocol? Never heard of it. The men of the archives are the only men to ever exist and they all deserve their own show. Anyways, after Tim completes his re-enactment of The Shining, they head into the tunnels (which I did not know were a thing), and I get scared yet again. I…am very concerned for Martin, I do not like how he ran off, and I do not like the noises that play at the end of the episode. That is all I have to say here. This is an absolutely terrifying way to end the episode, but it is frustrating in the best way, and if I wasn’t shaking as I write this I would have immediately jumped to the next episode. But…there is one other scene, one that honestly, would’ve worked just as well, if not BETTER, as an ending to the episode. That is, of course, the one scene that has terrified me more than anything else in the podcast so far. The scene that stars:

That. Mother. Fucking. Table. I thought it was at least…somewhat safe. I thought that it would tie into…Hill Top Road, or something, that it would just be something for Jon to glean some information from later on! But I was a fool. I should’ve known that the Anatomy Class shenanigans were (probably) foreshadowing. I should’ve known that the GOD DAMN IMPERSONATOR WAS COMING BACK. JON! WHY DIDN’T YOU DESTROY IT YOU VICTORIAN BUFFOON?! I’m…I’m fucking shook man. I might have been fearful for Tim but…for a split second there, I thought everyone would make it out alive. I mean, we’ve seen Sasha in like, what, three episodes before this, and she only starred in one? She had to live so that we’d see more of her! But no…I got completely blindsided. Sasha James, this really cool character who I wanted to see succeed after her encounter with Bonyhands McGee, is most likely dead. It might sound like I’m genuinely upset with the decision, and while I’m absolutely sad and terrified, I do think they can go really interesting places with this. I mean, I’m going on the assumption that what happened to her is what happened to Graham Folger in Episode 3, meaning that we know have something impersonating her, meaning that she could be explored even after her presumed death. On top of that, like…what if the effect of no one recognizing a difference between the OG Graham and the “Not Graham” applies to Sasha! Because if so, this could be a genius example of having characters figure out something long after the audience being done really well! But overall…I’m mortified. As cool as these prospects are, there’s still a glimmer of hope in me that Sasha survives, that the archival team can deal with that fucking table as soon as possible. Which, by the way, I’m genuinely mad at myself for not catching on to that at first. I initially thought that the table had nothing to do with the main plot of Episode 3, outside of maybe increasing Graham’s paranoia, and that it was meant to foreshadow future events that tied into…idk, the house on Hill Top Road, given the box inside the tree. But nope! Apparently wherever the table goes, the impersonator follows! And if she is dead…man, I don’t know whether or not it’s a good thing that the thing she was afraid of dying from was not the one that killed her in the end… Outside of that, I mean, yeah, artifact storage was creepy as all hell, Sasha’s monologue made me go through five different emotions in the span of like…two minutes, and that one part, holy shit that one part. Hearing that weird noise, Sasha’s scream, and then a new voice repeating her last words it’s…uggghjhehehehjejejejjewjjekekwkekkdkwkekek. Wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I-

So..yeah. Good episode…I guess. I’m really scared. For everyone, Sasha especially. For everything, my sanity especially. I do not like the name of that season finale, it’s looking at me funny. I….I…I think I’m just going to go saw my foot off or something, maybe that’ll take my mind off of things. See you for the season finale! :,)

- Episode 40, Human Remains 🩹

Statements of Elias Bouchard, Tim Stoker, Sasha James, Martin Blackwood and Jonathan Sims, regarding the infestation of the Magnus Institute by the entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss. Statements taken direct from subjects.

*Sigh*. I have listened to 40 episodes of this god-forsaken, trauma inducing podcast. I have stayed up at night wildly speculating about the connections between episodes, trying to solve the greater mystery. And for what? Well, I regret to inform you that, in the end, it was all for…A FANTASTIC SEASON FINALE. HOLY SHIT I’M SO EXCITED TO LISTEN TO SEASON 2 YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I mean, I’m obviously terrified, what with the amount of setup here, the cold realization that ✨the horrors✨ are somehow just going to affect the main cast more and more in the future, and…so much more, but WOW. This finale absolutely delivered and if I wasn’t already on board to see how the rest of the podcast plays out, I absolutely NEED to know now. So, like with last time, I’m going to divide my thoughts via the multiple parts this episode is divided into, so I’ll be going over each person’s statement. And let me tell you…there is some stuff to discuss. Starting off with my favorite(?) enigmatic CEO, Elias Bouchard!

So yeah, Elias is still sketchy as fuck. Oddly enough, despite this being the most time spent with him so far, which don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy about, but…yeah, I still don’t trust him all that much. I guess I’ll start off by talking about some of the general information revealed here. So firstly, no one’s really doing all that well! I mean, it’s expected, but still, I feel really bad for everyone here. You can tell in the opening how scarred Jon is by what happened (both mentally and physically)…which makes Elias�� relative chillness all the more strange. Also, while it is once again pretty obvious, I would just like to pay some respects to the absolute queen that was Jane Prentiss. Rest in relative peace Jane, I hope you’re getting people to join the hive in…well not heaven, she’s probably gone to superhell, but…yeah. Still kind of sad she only got one line from her own mouth. But back to Elias, there are two things he said that really came off as…like, especially odd. Firstly is how he said he got tired of what Jon was saying about the statements. This is weird because like…that’s his job? That Elias hires him to do? It really does add to the vibe that he knows of ✨the horrors✨, but is actively trying to avoid them as much as possible. It feels like they’re setting up an interesting parallel between him and Jon, who looks like he’s going to really start connecting the dots in Season 2. It also just kind of made me think about the implications of something…watching Jon, and it wanting him to admit the statements are real, since Elias seems to specifically be annoyed by Jon’s recent lack of doubt, at least in my eyes. But the other thing that really unnerved me here was what he had to say about Gertrude. His reluctance to talk about her death is one thing, but the fact that he says he found the blood-covered office on March 15, when in Episode 25 Jon says she was declared dead on May 15, is…just really strange. It could be a discrepancy on the writer’s part but…I don’t know, it feels like one of them has to be wrong here. And either way, since they retconned past discrepancies in the opening of Episode 33, they could absolutely work with that here. So yeah, not much more to add other than that I don’t trust Elias.

Poor Tim :(. The guy has been so funny and chipper in all of his past appearances, but here you could feel how beat down he was. After getting worms in his skin and having to spend more time in quarantine simply for being funny, this guy just can’t catch a break! I mean, I’m happy he’s alive, because I was genuinely very scared for his life in the last episode but…man, his last words in this episode really did sting. Anyways, the main takeaway from this statement is the info on the tunnels. This is…really creepy and I’m sure we’ll get a deeper look into it in Season 2, as this whole episode feels full of setup for what’s to come very soon, but for now they are just a very strange place. The way their ancient architecture is described, the worms’ behavior down there, and the…door they were trying to form? What else is even in there? Hell, is this why The Flesh Hive really wanted to attack the institute? To discover some secret in the tunnels? I don’t know, but I care a LOT.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no NO! THE WORST HAS COME TO PASS! The chances of her survival was slim, but I had the smallest sliver of hope that she would survive, but NO! Sasha’s gone UUUUUUUUAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!! What makes it so much worse is that WE KNOW, we’ve heard Sasha’s original voice, we’ve gotten a sense of her general vibe, the new her has creepy music in the background whenever she speaks, HER NAME IS LITERALLY “NOT!SASHA” IN THE FUCKING CREDITS. But Jon, Tim, Martin, they don’t! They don’t know, and I’ll be stuck having to watch them hang out with a monster that killed their friend for who knows how long! It’s excellent storytelling but GOOOOOD I’M SO SAD. And Not!Sasha herself, I mean…holy shit. She’s absolutely uncanny and terrifying, the fact that her tone and vibe are so noticeably different from the real Sasha, how she always responds with a “yes” to Jon, how she points out extremely obvious things, how she just…seems unfamiliar with things she should know about, just everything, it’s just so fucking scary! She’s just so..matter of fact, she’s like a robot in comparison to the real person. Honestly, her manner of speech is very in line with how I imagined the anatomy students sounding. But there are a lot of other weird things about this scene. Firstly, I think it’s curious that when “Micheal” is mentioned, Not!Sasha refers to him (and yes, I noticed she uses he/him, unlike OG Sasha who used it/its) as the one with “all the bones in his hands” which…almost perfectly lines up with what Ivo’s father said. I had my doubts about that theory, but now I feel pretty convinced by it. That just leaves me thinking about what connection he might have to the fractals. Now that I think about it, fractals kind of line up with the descriptions of strange patterns that have shown up, like the one on the table. And…well, given what happened, I can’t help but wonder if “Micheal” and Not!Sasha have a deeper connection to each other, especially since this is the first time he’s been brought up since Episode 26. (Maybe he’s impersonating the real Micheal…oh no that’s a whole new can of worms, pun not intended). Another thing is how Not!Sasha says Elias gave her a strange look. …THE MOTHERFUCKER KNOWS!!! WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?! WHY?! Lastly, there’s some of the discrepancies that Not!Sasha has failed to avoid. Firstly, she should’ve been scarred by the worms like Jon and Tim but just…isn’t. Secondly, even though Jon doesn’t remember the original Sasha (which is…even more depressing when I put it into words…), he’s astute enough to realize that something is off with her. And finally, there’s the matter of the missing tapes. I checked, and they are indeed all of the tapes that Sasha appeared on. I think it’s likely Not!Sasha took them to learn about the role she has to play, but since there’s certainly something weird about the tapes, and this theme of truth being recorded on them…I have to wonder if she maybe stole them because the original Sasha’s voice is still on them, and you can straight up hear Sasha dying and being replaced on the one from Episode 39. With the logic presented in Episode 3, Sasha’s voice on the tapes should be replaced by that of Not!Sasha, but when you consider the framing device of the audience being people listening to these tapes, and the general weird things at play…I’m concerned. I think…I think Jon needs to get those tapes back as soon as possible. In short, I am very scared of the new archival assistant, and her mysterious connections.

MARTIN MY BELOVED!!! How is it legal for someone to be this sweet, he was genuinely so worried for Jon and I just want to give him a hug he’s so nice :(. But ultimately, as much as I feel for him, Martin is not the main focus here. The strange objects in the tunnels are not the main focus. The main focus here is the human remains. The remains of Gertrude Robinson. Wow. I…honestly thought it was going to take longer for her fate to come to light. I mean, there is still a lot that is obviously unknown, but to have her down here, confirmed to be dead, confirmed to be MURDERED…it’s making my brain go in so many directions. I guess I’ll start with the room she was found in. It’s…very concerning how similar it is to the archives. I don’t even know what it’s supposed to mean? Does it signify that the institute was built upon an older institute somehow? Are we not even going to bother checking out the tapes she left down there? I NEED TO KNOW. And, then, I mean, god the way she died. I was so convinced by all of the clues that she died some sort of gruesome eldritch fate, but hearing that she was simply shot…why is that so much more haunting. I mean, I have to assume there were still some weird circumstances surrounding her death as a whole, given clues in Episode 11 and Episode 25, but…it’s very concerning. And then there’s Jon’s words about this. Does that…DOES THAT MEAN THAT SEASON 2 IS A FUCKING MURDER MYSTERY?! BECAUSE I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT! Look, assuming that the murderer is indeed someone in the institute (which I say because Gertrude does seem to have made a good few enemies in her lifetime), then my fingers are already pointed at Elias due to how sketchy he is, but honestly…I’m afraid this is just another mystery that I don’t have to energy to fully crack right now. And Jon’s words at the end…please tell me he doesn’t resort to doing very stupid things that endanger his own life for the sake of the truth. Oh who am I kidding he probably will. But…wow, I’m just…I’m just so excited for Season 2.

So yeah…that’s Season 1 of The Magnus Archives. The fact that I already feel changed by this series, both for better and for worse, within the first season…it just gets me so excited and mortified all at once. There’s still so much story potential, so many mysteries to be solved, and I can’t wait to hear it all for myself. Honestly, the fact that there’s so many plot lines, and the only one to be kind of resolved The Flesh Hive and Jane Prentiss arc…that’s insane. So, I’m just going to leave a list of things I want answers on down here.

- The Anglerfish

- Breekon and Hope

- The Table and The Impersenator

- The Keay Family

- Micheal Crew

- Jurgen Leitner and his fucked up books

- The house on Hill Top Road

- The Heat Entity and its cult

- The People’s Church of The Divine Host

- Trevor Herbert and his companion

- Antonio Blake

- The Eyes

- The Lukas Family

- Mikaele Salesa

- The Meat

- The Spiders and The Lighter

- The Fairchilds

- Jonah Magnus and the founding of The Institute

- The Circus of The Other

- “Micheal” and The Fractals

- The true nature of The Flesh Hive

- Robert Smirke and his passages

- John Amherst and the infection

- The backstories of the main cast

- The death of Gertrude Robinson

- And finally, what the hell is going to happen next?

So, there’s a wrap on Season 1? Do I expect all of these questions to be answered in the next season? Absolutely not. Do I want all of them to be answered eventually? Yeah probably. If you’ve made it this far, thank you so, SO much. Like, you genuinely deserve an award for reading all of my insane rambling. I’ll be back with my thoughts on the first 10 episodes of Season 2 in due time, but for now, thank you and bye :).

[notsoblackandwhite101]

PLEASE READ ALL

Hey there Puparoonies! With December fast approaching and a new 101 Dalmatian Street trending party set up for Jan 2- Jan 3, I figured I should make some ART! I've made an all new drawing grid just for Drawcember and made it vague so people can reuse it for whatever fandom they want! (A shout out back to me so I can see your art would be great if you do btw!)

HOW ITS GONNA WORK- I have made a grid of aesthetics that will be the theme of the piece. Basically I'll draw a characters in an outfit that matches the aesthetic provided. They will get a hat, a bag and a piece of jewellery and I'll try to make it match their personality if I can! (For example, if Dylan got the Space Aesthetic I'd go more sciency. For Dawkins, more sci-fi show. For Dolly, cool aliens!)

HOW DO WE PICK THE CHARACTERS TO AN AESTHETIC?! - I'll be holding polls to decide now that Tumblr can do that. We have an A team and a B team. So we'll be voting on two Aesthetics at a time. I'll post the Aesthetic and a description so you know what to expect.

WHAT ARE THE AESTHETICS?!

(Photos just grabbed off of google. All pictures here are not mine.)

Descriptions

(Please note that aesthetics can very from person to person on what they mean, and what they include!These are just my takes.)

Pastel- The pastel aesthetic is just as straightforward as its name, focusing on everything that's less saturated and in lighter hues. In particular, the word “pastel” refers to a soft and delicate shade of a color produced by adding more white.

Vaporwave- The Vaporwave aesthetic incorporates early Internet imagery, late 1990s web design, glitch art, and cyberpunk tropes, as well as anime, Greco-Roman statues, and 3D-rendered objects. VHS degradation is another common effect seen in vaporwave art.

Dark - Dark aesthetic covers a wide range of different things. If its dark and edgy , it can fall under this same system. Sometimes there's horror elements, but it can also be cutesy. All you really need is black, greys, and sparse uses of blood red and neon green. Some spikes can't hurt either!

Neon- The Neon aesthetic (Or Glowwave.) Is the use of bright, almost glowing colors on darker scenes. Reflective surfaces, sparkles and bright 'neon' pink can dominate this aesthetic.

Pastel Goth- Pastel Goth is an aesthetic that is a result of mixing goth or grunge with the sweet pastel elements of the kawaii aesthetic. Think if horror was cute, or cute was horrific if that's easier. Lots of black and pastel colours here.

Punk-Punk aesthetics determine the type of art punks enjoy, which typically has underground, iconoclastic, and satirical sensibilities. Punk can be as messy or minimalist as you want. It also tends to be more focused on the handmade, reused and recycled. Newspaper collages, safety pin, metal spikes, oh yeah!

Black and white- Contrast. That is the core of the Black and White aesthetic. Using only grayscale to convey detailed images. Tends to be fancy, simple and clean!

Rainbow- COLOUR, COLOUR, COLOUR! Rainbow is all colour all the time! With clear, fun shapes and fun splatters, rainbow is just... colourful fun.

Space- Spacecore is a type of aesthetic that is centered around astronomy, stars and planets. It can also be called astrocore or cosmic core. Spacecore uses lots of stars and planet type things in clothing or decor. Many spacecore aesthetics will have pictures of the sun, the moon or the stars.

Cottagecore- Cottagecore is an aesthetic that celebrates simple living, particularly in the countryside. It encourages a lifestyle rooted in traditional skills—like baking bread, gardening, and sewing your own clothes. Basically you live in a modern day Jeremiah Puddleduck book.

Pale- Palewave centers around muted and pale colors with a very relaxed and comfy vibe. Think light, easy, breezy and gentle designs. Nothing pops out right off the bat in this muted aesthetic.

Kidcore- Bright colours, cartoon designs, nostalgia, and fun! Its somewhat similar to rainbow, but you can't escape consumerism in this aesthetic usually! Toys, games, anything to do with just being a kid and enjoying life is included!

NOW WHAT?!

Now you vote in the polls! Just pick whichever character you want to see in the aesthetic listed. Please note that in order to draw this all in one month, I will be making the polls quick! The first one I'll have last a week, to help spread the word, but after that they will likely only last a day! That being said, each character will only be used ONCE. So once they're picked for an aesthetic, their off the voting board. Were you hoping a character would get a different one? Well don't worry! I may do this again, or you can try it yourself to! Just have fun!

Make sure to follow @bks-blogs for more 101 Dalmatian Street news and updates for the trending party!

[cloudcountry]

Just saw someone asking your thoughts on a blue ringed octopus and I was curious to hear your thoughts on a Japanese spider crab

Thoughts of a Japanese spider crab merfolk sit in the back of my mind and idk I think some might find them unsettling

HI i'm so sorry this is so late but i had a bit of a rambling burnout??? from all the support???? literally the only good burnout i have ever had AHJSGDJHAFS

the japanese spider crab is a giant crustacean that measures up to 3.7 meters (thats 12 feet btw) from claw to claw!!

here's a size refence photo i found:

they're decorator crabs, which sounds just as wholesome as it actually is C: they decorate their body with bits of plant matter, anemones, and sponges to help blend in with their environment. there are also organisms that grow on the spider's back, such as algae that have the same effect!!

the japanese spider crab is an omnivore, but it prefers scavenging for food and eating plant matter instead of hunting. so if one of them is ever eating meat, it's probably carrion C:

they molt!!! i didn't know this before!!! i don't think i've ever researched a marine species that does this before :O but the process apparently takes about two hours to complete and they're immobilized while doing so

I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT while i was doing some research on this crab there were plenty of sources that kept calling it "stuff of nightmares!!!!" and i would like to reiterate something that i've said over my past marine bio posts: MARINE LIFE IS NOT OUT TO GET YOU. they are only scary because the media keeps being dramatic and painting them as ruthless killers (COUGH COUGH SHARKS AND PIRANHAS.) japanese spider crabs are completely harmless.

so if there's an ocean animal that scares you, please do research on it. most people dont like the toothy animals (something my precious moray eels have had to face time and time again) but most of those toothy animals just want to be left alone.

marine life is beautiful. be scared of the cone snail and stonefish instead of sharks and piranhas.

ANYWAYS for your merperson thought!!!! since giant moray eels can grow up to 3.9 meters and the japanese spider crab can be 3.7 meters, that means the spider crab mer's human form would be around 187-189 centimeters ish tall if we use the leech twins for reference. holy shit.

i imagine them as very lanky, probably with bright red hair. i can imagine they'd accessorize a lot, both in the sea and on land...they'd probably have a preference for veggies, too!!

since the japanese spider crab is such a calm, gentle giant of an animal, i can imagine them being very collected and quiet, perhaps studious? definitely a slow runner, since these crabs don't move that fast, so floyd wouldn't find them interesting enough to chase. i wonder if they'd be in the same boat as azul when it comes to stamina, though?

cue me realizing your ask is causing me to literally make an oc right now

but yes!! i do think a lot of merpeople would be frightened of them, solely because they're so large. on the bright side that means they can scare away azul's bullies <3

[saffronapplemanga]

GANGSTA. - ギャングスタ - PART 2

CRIME, ACTION, DRAMA

(8 volumes, hiatus) Mangaka Kohske-sensei is sick and works on updates when she can. There are chapters beyond volume 8 in JP that haven't been collected into a volume yet here.

Available in English here

Anime - Yes. I'll admit it's crunchy, poorly paced, and disappointing because the studio went under literally a few days after it finished airing and it shows, but it’s still fun? They did cut stuff from the manga and there's so much they didn't adapt, so I'd recommend reading it. I'm begging for a remake and a season 2 or something...

Links to my other manga posts here

~Part one of this post is here~

This is a continuation of my part one post, so go check that out if you haven't and come back here!

Let’s continue talking non-stop about my precious found family trio ❤️

***Trigger warnings for everything you can think of for this series.***

Part one was broken up into: Why You Should Check GANGSTA. Out - What's It About? - Lots And Lots of Character Analysis (And Gushing) - Where It All Began - Nicolas and Nina - "Nice vs. Kind" - Worick and Alex

This part two post will continue the character analysis and is broken up into: Nicolas and Alex - Nicolas and Worick - Nicolas - The Trio and The Scene That Had Me Bawling My Eyes Out - Brief Shoutouts to Characters I Also Want to Talk About, But This Post Is Already Long Enough

***SPOILERS UNTIL CHAPTER 56 FROM HERE ON OUT***

(Note: the manga pages/panels I included for reference are arranged from right to left reading order btw)

Nicolas and Alex

I touched on Nic and Alex's relationship a bit earlier, but let's dig deeper. We established that Nic is having trouble opening up to Alex, and she's having trouble figuring him out. Gradually though, they start to click.

I've already said that one of the ways Nic shows affection is by teasing. Early on in chapter six when the boys are rushing out the door mid-meal, Nic stops halfway out the door, turns around, and signs something to Alex. And if I'm not mistaken, it's the first time he's initiated talking to her. Alex looks up the sign in the book and realizes he said the food was, "So-so." Even though earlier in the same chapter he felt unapproachable and ate alone down in his space, he's making an effort to communicate and thank her for the food... in his own awkward Nicolas-way lol.

At Constance's shop after Alex's withdrawal meltdown with Worick, we can see Nic keeping an eye on Alex from afar. She starts recalling some memories and is on the edge of having a panic attack. At this moment, Nic comes inside the shop to ask Constance for more paint:

Be still, my beating heart.

I think he asked for the paint as an excuse to casually come closer to Alex. Whether he actually needed more paint or not, he chose this moment to get up from where he was and come inside. After he calms Alex and helps her open the pill bottle, he leaves once she stops trembling, likely to give her some air and not have her feel like he's hovering over her — so that she doesn't feel like she's burdening or worrying them. Since Nic and I have similar love languages/displays of affection, I tend to do the same. I don't like to make a big fuss over something so the other person doesn't feel embarrassed and like they have the spotlight on them. At the same time, I try to make sure they know I'm always around and can come to me when they need to/are ready to.

Next, we have these pages where Alex was helping with a job looking for a lost cat to "earn her keep" when she sees a Twilight child being beaten and about to be SA-ed by Normals. She steps in and whacks one of them to allow the child to escape, but she's up against three big guys and gets caught. Luckily, Nic comes in the nick of time hehe:

I can't believe they cut this out of the anime... Nic is a cat whisperer but Alex is not a Nic whisperer... yet, LOL. She'll get there. And him constantly pickpocketing the people he knocks out is so funny. But also it’s sad because it’s a habit he picked up as a kid to survive.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I love the casual kindness in this series. Nic saves Alex and the child, and gives her the cat and the money he pickpocketed from the men. Then he gave some to the child and walked away. The way he did all this sort of reminded me of this saying that’s found in the Abrahamic religions that goes, "Give without letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing." Except Nic is a leftie lol. This saying is about not seeking a reward for doing something good. To not “announce” your good deeds for attention. Nic does what he does, doesn't make a big deal of it, and just goes about his business (it's "nice vs. kind" again!). Alex stands against injustice even when it put her in great danger. In this case, she put herself in danger for a Twilight she didn't even know, and I'm sure Nic appreciates that.

Even though Alex is struggling to get on Nic's wavelength, it doesn't stop her from trying. She takes the initiative to learn sign language when she's alone. Before heading home from the clinic together, Alex stops Nic to convey her feelings about her situation, but in sign. It's her first attempt at signing a full conversation. Nic waits for her to finish without interrupting her, but then says, "Idiot. Your signing sucks. I can't understand it. Try again. And quit being so rough with that book. It's the only copy we have." To me, it sounds like Nic knew that Alex was studying sign, and he appreciates her effort and is teasing like he always does. They're starting to meet each other halfway more and more.

When Alex regains her memories and passes out from a panic attack, we get this scene:

This is an example of what I meant by, "I try to make sure they know I'm always around and can come to me when they need to/are ready to." He's just there, quietly watching over her when she's in a vulnerable state. He chose to read his book in Worick's room next to her instead of the living room or his room. It's such a simple gesture — a reassuring presence at a time when she's working through her trauma, waiting by her side with a comforting drink in hand.

A scene I adored was this:

Kohske-sensei, once again killing it with conveying things through wordless pages.

After comforting a grieving Nina, Nic takes her to Bastard to watch Alex sing. He leans against the speakers so he can feel the vibrations of her performance in an effort to connect to Alex since he can't hear her singing. If this isn't the cutest thing... idk what is...

Also, this:

A little bit after leaving Bastard, Nic's 'roided out on Theo's drug and is about to do some reckless shit. He's leaping over the rooftops to his destination and we get this page of him drifting in the air... humming the tune of Alex's song... AHHHH!!!

Nicolas and Worick

I talked about the Handymen and their relationships with other characters, but what about with each other? As early as the first page of chapter two, we already get hints that Nic and Worick have a... complicated relationship.

From their banter and how they bounce off each other, we can tell these two are beyond close. But the more we progress, the more we see how close. Worick usually presents a silly, charming, and laid-back attitude, so it's jarring when we see him seriously snap at the girl badmouthing Nic at the brothel. It's kind of scary to see him like that. Time and time again, we see how protective he is of Nic. When one of his clients suggests that Nic should "join them" Worick declines and is angry on the inside. He thinks to himself that Nic isn't a sex worker. While Nic couldn't join Worick in working at the brothel, Pussy, because no Twilights are allowed, I get the feeling Worick wouldn’t have let him anyway. He's traumatized by his sex work and seems to keep Nic out of it. Hell, he owns Nic and he could have made him sell himself, but my impression is that he's against it. Maybe I'm reaching, idk.

With their backstory, we learn a lot about them, how they met, why they are the way they are, and more. I love that Worick took Nic in and gave him the education he never had. They bond as children and become friends, but we can see SO MANY times, Nic bows to Worick. I've lost count of how many times he does it. I think this is because his whole life, Nic has been taught to obey his "master" which was usually his father, and now, Worick. Now, these two hurt little boys are brought together, and they need one another to survive.

Worick asks, "Why don't you run away?" and, "How can you act so calm?" There are various reasons Nic hasn't run away and acts calm, so allow me:

Worick doesn't know yet at this point, but Nic's father, Gaston Brown, has his supply of Cerebret. Nic can't source it himself and would die without it if he ran away.

He's a child. Where would he even go? He has nowhere to go.

He's acting "calm" because, to him, this is his "normal". It's not unusual for victims of abuse to not register things they experienced as abuse. If that's the only perspective they've known and have been conditioned to, it becomes their "normal". Or some believe they "deserve" that treatment. Worick's "normal" also consists of constant abuse, but he at least has a contrasting point of reference in his brother who gets treated much better than he does. Nic doesn't have that.

No matter how terrible, Gaston Brown is his father at the end of the day. It can be ridiculously hard to cut parents out, even when you hate them. This applies to Worick as well, but I'm going to expand on this point more in a bit.

I'm sure Worick was asking these questions out of frustration, perhaps asking himself those questions rather than actually directing them at Nic who he knows isn't listening.

The two are suffering abuse at the hands of their fathers, but the abuse isn't just physical. Although, that's the most obvious form that they are both experiencing at the same time:

It's common for victims of physical abuse to say, "I fell," or say they had an accident when asked about their injuries. Worick is the first to bring up the topic in chapter 13 (right page) as he's been observing Nic and his behaviors more and more. Nic pauses before coming up with a lie, saying that he, "...fell down". I wouldn't be surprised if he was told to either hide that his father was abusing him or maybe he thinks it was his fault and takes the blame for his injuries. Worick understands what he actually means though. It's glaringly obvious that Nic's arm has been stomped on by someone wearing military boots. Then in chapter 15 (left page) after Nic comes back from a battle, he asks what happened to Worick. And Worick mirrors Nic's response of, "I fell." I think Nic knows about Worick being beaten by this point, and his asking was more like, I'm the one that just came back from war. What the heck happened to you? Are you okay? Or something along those lines.

After this, the boys really start to get along, even more than before. They enjoy each other's company and feel comfortable with one another. They understand each other in a way no one else around them does. But then, Worick learns that Nic is a Twilight, and he's been taught that Twilights are monsters. At first, he's in denial when he finds out but ultimately challenges his teachings. He's spent time and shared intimate moments with this so-called "monster" and quickly works towards saving Nic from his father. So, he buys Nic's contract and a supply of Cerebret.

This scene... stomped on my heart. After being injured in a battle he, A 12 YEAR OLD CHILD, was forced to fight in, Nic wakes up, leaving the bed and assuming his spot on the floor — like he's been "trained" to do (more on this in the next section... ugh.) He rips out his IV and runs out in the rain calling after his father, clinging to the bars of the fence... only to be thrown away for money and called a monster. His expression on the last page killed me. That's the face of a child who still hoped for their parent to show them love, even after everything they had done to them. Yes, Worick has saved him from his father's tyranny, but part of him still hoped...

The next day, Worick has been beaten once again. Nic has been "freed" but not actually. As Worick says, "Great, nothing's changed at all." (This is a theme that comes up constantly.) Nic is still a child soldier who's a slave and Worick is still his father's punching bag. Nic's response? He signs, "Should I kill him?" referring to Worick's father, as it is now time to free Worick from his abusive situation. It's also the only thing he knows how to do. Nic snaps the next time Worick's father beats him, killing the whole family. Worick is in a panic, "Father, it wasn't me! Please believe me, Father..." and he seems angry at Nic. When he tells him, "I won't allow you to die that easy! You're going to hurt real bad before you die! The worst kind of pain you can imagine! That's an order!" he's taking out his frustration on Nic while also begging him to not die and leave him behind. Nic is Worick's only friend after all. The expression on Nic's face when he gets yelled at is interesting. At first his eyes are open wide, then he relaxes his face accepting what Worick says. It reminds me of his face when his father left. It's worth pointing out that Nic's previous master was a white/blonde man with an eyepatch who was bigger than him and was rough with him. And now his new master is too.

I think... Worick is ultimately glad his father is gone, but he's conflicted. The thing with some relationships, especially family/parent-child relationships, is that it's never that simple. No matter how terrible, a child will always crave the love of their parent. Somewhere inside, they hope that a crumb of affection will come their way. Often times in abusive relationships, it isn't always all bad. The abusive parent can still have moments where they are good to the child victim and show care and gentleness. The child is powerless to run away, powerless to fight back, and naturally seeks the love of the parent, so they don't have much choice other than to endure and hope for "good times" to make their appearance.

While I was writing this, I was skimming through the manga again to refresh my memory and I saw this page at the end of vol.3 that I either missed or completely forgot about that supports what I'm saying:

Apparently, Worick's picture is only in the Japanese volumes.

Gaston Brown is... hugging Nic. I think... this is the only time we see Nic smile as a child. And he did put the last name "Brown" on Nic's tag. Did he see him as his son, even a little? I want to mention that the flashback is all from Worick's POV, and we never directly see Gaston physically abuse Nic. Worick's POV could be skewing our perception of Nic's story and he might be projecting his experience with abuse onto Nic, assuming it was Gaston when it could've been the other men. I could argue points in Gatson's defense, believe it or not. Like how he actually told the guys to lay off of Nic, or maybe he sold him to Worick because they could take care of him better than he could, and so on and so forth. Still a piece of shit and not father-of-the-year or anything, and this could totally not be the case. It's something to think about but I'll leave it there for now.

The same is true for Worick. He's had nice moments with his father as well. But now, there is no chance Worick can ever hope to have a relationship with his father. While no longer being terrorized, the boys lost all hope for parental affection as well as any kind of familial support system. It's normal to feel great loss and regret. It reminds me of Ash's relationship with his father from Banana Fish, and that One Piece character who had a dedicated arc semi-recently (I don't wanna spoil anyone, but if you know, you know). Like Ash and in One Piece, Nic and Worick were failed by their parents and pushed to desperate measures to survive. But ultimately, all these characters can't bring themselves to completely hate their parents and feel nothing for them. It's harder than it seems to throw your family away even when you hate them. Whenever people are like, "Just cut your parents off! They're not the boss of you!" it's like... shut up, it's complicated.

Surely now, things will be on the up and up now that they're out of those terrible situations, right?

Wrong.

Worick is selling himself to support them, and Nic is frankly a burden. His medication is expensive, he can't work regular jobs, and all he knows how to do is fight and kill. Worick is excited to take Nic somewhere where they can get something decent to eat, and to eat together at a place that allows Twilights. But he rounds the corner and sees that his friend is beaten and bruised. And Nic says it himself, "All of it is pointless." (Again, this is a constant theme.) They're constantly stuck in a crappy situation. They're NOT free even after running away. They're still two scared little kids with no support system, fending for themselves just like before. And Twilights will always be oppressed. They'll always be slaves. The whole Three Laws is a facade to "free" the Twilights when in reality that's not the case. It's probably why Chad says he doesn't like the Three Laws and not to talk about them around him. Even if Worick didn't own him, Nic and the other Twilights would be slaves to the system.

In the current timeline, the boys are doing pretty well for themselves. Their business/home, their neutral status, and freelancer flexibility are PEAK luxuries. If you look at their current lifestyle and think, "Man, they live in a shitty place and their jobs kinda suck," then I say to you, that you haven't tasted poverty and desperation. I always get pissy when I see those, "I tried living on poverty wages for a month!" things because... fuck you. One of the worst parts about poverty is that there's no end in sight. You can slave away day in and day out and not get anywhere. There's no promise of "moving up" if you just work hard enough. But if you KNOW it's over in a month or even a year or more? You can pace yourself and stick it out. That's nothing. That's EASY. At least there's an end in sight. But even if you get out, you always live in fear of slipping and going back. Anyone who thinks poverty is caused by people being lazy or whatever is just exposing how ignorant they are. Poverty is a failure of society — all of us as a society are failing the poor and oppressed. Poverty is a form of violence, and not a failure of the individual. I don't want to harp on about this for too long, but just know, I'm proud of the boys and I love their crappy little home and wish them luck on their morally dubious jobs.

But, these two are codependent on each other while also having some awkward power dynamics. Nic needs Worick to be his contract holder to afford him as much "freedom" as he has, and to keep others from using him. Early on, he relied on Worick to provide for them. Worick needs Nic to keep him safe, and I'd argue that Worick would've been taken out for his "storage" ability being a liability ages ago if it wasn't for Nic's presence being a threat. Beyond bodily survival, they need one another in terms of emotional well-being and keeping each other in check. They're aware of their "master/Twilight" positions and for the most part, do well to thrive together despite it. It does come up though and continues to be a point of contention in their relationship.

Back to the Arcangelo family massacre, maybe part of Worick was angry at himself for not being able to do anything and Nic having to dirty his hands. Plus the way Nic killed everyone was... gruesome. It proved to Worick what Nic was capable of and that he really is a Twilight, a monster, and all of this shocked him. The boys were friends, but after the massacre, part of Worick likely hated Nic and he was cruel to him in some ways (as we see more of in the Blu-ray manga where Worick even calls Nic his dog. He was playing along with Monroe, but still...) There's definitely resentment. You could say Nic ruined his life as much as he saved him.

However, two years later (I'm assuming after the attack on Monroe), we get a scene of Worick crying to Chad as Nic is hospitalized, and I believe he starts to realize once again that Nic is just a kid and not an invincible monster. He realizes that throwing Nic into that situation with his planned attack on Monroe almost got his only friend killed for real (which might be why Monroe later says that Nic attacked him for his master's sake, that bothers Worick because he now sees them as friends). At this point, their relationship takes another turn.

The reality is that he's still technically Nic's master, but they're friends too. So now they went from friends, to master/slave, and now to master/friends. It's an awkward line to walk, and Worick is trying his best to keep it more on the friendship side. Like, when he tells Nic not to make him give orders because he doesn't like flexing his role as master. No matter what, the legal ownership of Nic is always hovering over them. It's... complicated... good lord.

I do find it interesting to think about how Worick is probably the first person who treated Nic normally at first because he didn't know he was a Twilight. Nic probably never experienced that any other time.

One last thing — I love that they got matching tattoos because it was to cover the serial numbers on Nic's back and Worick got one too. I think it was Worick's idea because Nic doesn't seem like the type that would bother. Cute...

I know I mainly talked about their past together and there's so much subtle stuff from the present like their conversation at Connie's place and Worick hitting Nic with the hammer to test his sense of pain. But maybe another time or else we're gonna be here all day. I could literally analyze this series page by page, panel by panel.

Nicolas

Now, I'd like to further break down aspects of Nic's character I have yet to cover in this section dedicated to him because he's my baby girl.

Worick's family had it coming. If only Nic took out his own dad while he was at it.

I am not deaf, nor will I pretend to truly understand what it's like for those in the deaf/hard-of-hearing community. I can only give my perspective on the portrayal of Nicolas as someone trying to relate and understand from my limited knowledge, my own experience with disability, and through my experience with a deaf relative of mine. So please keep that in mind whenever I address that aspect of Nic. If I got something wrong, please let me know! I’m always open to learning more.

Nic expresses himself differently than Worick, from his mannerisms, how he shows kindness, etc. Why is he the way he is? I've seen some people say that he doesn't show a lot of emotion. While I do think he was emotionally stunted from childhood, he actually displays a lot of emotion. He's just more subtle about it, except for when he wants to fight I guess.

From the start, he gives off a feral kind of energy. Nic has an itch for battle, yes, but it also shows in his body language in his daily life and how he acts outside of battle.

I know I call him an animal here, but I say it affectionately, I swear. I want to throw hands with his dad who treated him like a literal animal (ง’̀-‘́)ง But we'll get to that... They cut this detail out of the anime too!

A panel that stood out to me early on is this:

Nic often curls up on furniture, like when he sat next to Nina on the couch. But here when he's alone, he's hunched over his food, not even properly sitting on the loveseat. He sits downstairs alone to eat instead of joining Worick and Alex. Worick mentions that, "I've known him since we were kids, but we've only been eating together for the past two or three years." Later at the end of one of the volumes, we get a layout of the Handymen's home and it turns out Nic doesn't have a bed. His "room" is the open space by the kitchen and his "bed" is either the loveseat or he just sleeps on the floor. It's like... he doesn't know how to sit "normally" or behave in a "typical" manner sometimes.

Listen, I sleep on the floor with a Japanese-style futon and I'm that kid that has to sit cross-legged on everything — couches, desk chairs, those insufferably uncomfortable science class/art studio stools, you name it. But Nic's body language was telling me that he's been hurt and abused before I even got any info on his backstory.

Sure enough, his backstory proved me right.

We talked about the physical abuse Nic and Worick went through, but there's more to it than just that. Worick is also being emotionally abused by being othered and hated for being the result of his father's infidelity. Nic is being abused on so many levels — he hasn't been given any kind of education (abuse!), his medication is being kept from him and he's only given enough to barely function (medical child abuse), his mother was killed by his father and he was taken to be a child soldier (yikes...), and he's being treated like a literal dog! OH MY GOD!!!

His feet don't even reach the floor... How could you be so cruel to this child...

Multiple times, we see that Nic goes out of his way to come down off of furniture and curl up on the floor as if he was a dog that got scolded, and to take up as little room as possible. Worick realizes that Gatson Brown probably "trained" Nic to do this, so he tells him he doesn't have to do that around him. He can just sit on the chair. Nic nods in response but he keeps getting down and sitting on the floor again and again. It's like it's been hardwired and beat into him — engrained into him, and he's having a hard time breaking the habit.

When Nic wakes up after passing out, he looks startled. Normally, I'd think that he's reacting to Worick finding out that he's a Twilight, but Nic can't hear them and likely can't read their lips from where he is. Maybe he could tell from their body language? But to me, this feels like he woke up and thought, Why am I in a bed? Oh no, I should get out of this bed before anyone sees me. I'll get in trouble. I'm doing a lot of assuming here, but that's my impression because the first thing he does is jump out of bed and curl up on the floor next to the IV stand. He flips through the book and lingers on the signs for "Family/Father". Then he gets up, rips the IV out, and runs outside to chase after his father. That's when we get the heart-wrenching scene where he's abandoned that we discussed in the previous section.

The abuse that takes form in Nic's lack of education and accommodations for his disability is something that got me REAL heated. Like, yeah, the child soldier thing is horrible but I don't think I need to expand on why... I touched on education in my Tenmaku no Jadoogar: A Witch's Life in Mongol post, but in summary, education is a human right! Access to language is a human right! A deaf child not having access to language is child abuse! Whether it's spoken or sign language, they need to be able to convey their wants and needs and communicate with those around them. Humans are social beings! I've seen firsthand a mere glimpse of what a deaf child who hasn't been given proper access to language goes through, and I raised hell over it! I won't get into details out of respect for their privacy. I can only imagine how lonely and isolated Nic must have been his whole life. His deafness and language deprivation can also be symbolic of Twilights not having a voice in society.

And I want to be clear that I'm not saying deaf or hard-of-hearing individuals need hearing aids or cochlear implants or anything like that (Nic probably couldn't get some anyways, but that's not the point). Deafness isn't something that needs to be "fixed" because there's no such thing. Whether one wants to utilize medical devices, wants to learn spoken language/speech therapy, wants to learn sign language, and how they want to use them in whatever combination is a deeply personal choice. These are all tools and some people in the deaf and hard-of-hearing community chose not to use medical devices of any kind. Some, like Nic, prefer sign language over speaking. They should be presented with their options and be able to choose what suits their needs best.

Why is he always itching for a fight? My opinion? It’s all he knew for so long and he's depressed and needs to feel something. The whole thing about the Cerebret making him numb and lose feeling reminds me of the numbness you feel when depressed so that could be symbolism or something? Also... I think Nic might be kinda suicidal... Like in a trying-to-get-himself-killed and having self-destructive tendencies kinda way if that makes sense. He's accepted his fate of dying young, of always being seen as a monster.

Seeing Nic say something so profoundly sad, echoing himself as a child, while simultaneously having people around who love him do everything they can to help is just… heartbreaking. He feels hopeless. This goes back to what I said in the previous section about how Nic knows he and the Twilights will never be free no matter what.

Despite this, he's still SO KIND!!! A scene that turned on the waterworks for me is this:

He's having seizures and is in extreme pain. Theo is about to call the test off but Nic stops him. He knocks the downer out of Theo's hand since using it would ruin the test results. Then, he grits his teeth and smiles, points to Yang indicating to Theo, I'm fine. Go help him. Now that he's accepted his death that's coming sooner rather than later, he's offering his body to help Theo figure out how to help other Twilights...

Nic is a perfect representation of what Twilights face in this world. From being born to be a weapon, being oppressed and abused, having no voice, and even the manga not having much of his perspective. The past was Worick's POV and the present is a lof of Alex's POV. Nic's POV is pretty much just his memories of Veronica. We don't get to hear from him about what he thinks very often, and most of the time we have to infer a lot of things. He fascinates me and I want to learn more about him!!!

The Trio and The Scenes From Ch 43 and 56 That Had Me Bawling My Eyes Out

Note: I read the post-vol. 8 chapters in Japanese. I'll be using my own translations for the post-vol. 8 chapters I'm referencing.

We get various moments throughout the series of the trio interacting. Most of the notable moments have been one on one — either Nic/Worick, Nic/Alex, or Alex/Worick. The scenes I want to talk about here are ones where things start to… converge (?) in a way. Like, things regarding the three of them coming together? I’m not quite sure how to put it. Hopefully, as I talk about the scenes, things will start to make sense.

Chapter 43 was relentless, from beginning to end. We check in with where the trio are mentally/emotionally. While separated from one another in this chapter, they’re all… really going through it at this point, to put it mildly.

First up is Worick, who has just made some WILD moves in the story. Like, holy shit, Worick!!! I trust you sweetie, but what’s going on in that big beautiful head of yours? I was anxious when he found out about Monroe's betrayal and he made a face I'm used to seeing on Nic, but not Worick himself — an unhinged grin that says, Oh, I'm about to fuck shit up. And I was nervously laughing like... haha, what're you gonna do Worick...? Oh no... I have a bad feeling about this. AND THEN HE ROLLED UP WITH MILES' HEAD IN A BAG! And wants to see Uranos Corsica! WORICK!!?! He's doing a convincing job of making everyone think that he's siding with Corsica, the notorious Twilight-hater.

While I have to say, Worick is scaring me a bit, I don't doubt him at all. He's constantly shown what a wonderful person he is. He's gone above and beyond to protect Nic and doesn't let people speak ill of his partner. And it's precisely in the midst of Worick taking frightening, extreme measures that we get this scene:

Sometimes, murder is moral, kids. But his face... the way he hesitated to hug her back...

It opens with a flashback of Worick in his teens having just stabbed a man who was cruel to Twilights and he's taking it upon himself to stand up for them. We've been shown that Worick hates the discrimination against Twilights despite having been taught to hate and fear them before he met Nicolas. And now, I'm genuinely worried for him because he could very much get himself killed. Nic's not with him. No one is. He's doing this alone. Big Mama is on his side, but she still works under Corsica.

Speaking of Nic, I don't think Worick filled him in on whatever the plan is. Nic was passed out after having a seizure when Worick decided to raise hell against Monroe. He's the next in the trio we check in with. But right before we do, we see Chad on the phone with Gina where he's forced to acknowledge that he's helpless to do anything for the suffering Twilights. He remembers what Nicolas said as a child — "All of it is pointless." I'm not crying.

Back at the clinic, Nic is still out of commission from the experimental drug's side effects. He's remembering the night he killed Worick's family and Worick yelling at him. Nina puts her hands on his shaking ones, trying to soothe him:

Just fuck me up... Don't make that face... Theo, I’m gonna need you to come in clutch and figure something out. Can we get this man a juicy research budget or something…?😩💦

Nic, once again, looks so hopeless. So defeated. He's accepted his fate. He still wants to help the other Twilights. *Punches the wall* DAMNIT STOP HURTING MY BOY LIKE THIS!

Theo says Nic's contract has been "voided" and Nic says, "My master is going to a place where he doesn't need a Twilight anymore" while looking distraught in my opinion. That line makes it sound like he may have some idea of what Worick is doing. Or a more depressing interpretation is that he thinks he's useless and has been tossed aside, but I refuse to entertain that idea. And then he says he still has an order to follow. I think this is in reference to what Worick told him that night Nic killed his family — "I won't allow you to die that easy! You're going to hurt real bad before you die! The worst kind of pain you can imagine! That's an order!" Like, You're not allowed to die on me. I also think the order might be to keep Alex safe and get her out of the city (which is why he’s looking at the blood under his nails where he accidentally scratched her). And I want to point out that even though his contract is voided, Nic from this point on keeps constantly calling Worick his master. Maybe it's a sense of loyalty, or because he doesn't want Worick to leave him behind. I honestly can't say for sure, but it hurts me... I'm holding my head in my hands right now... ugh...

Finally, we have Alex closing the chapter. She comes back to Handymen HQ with the intention of it being the last time — "Barry, you were right. I was crazy to think I'd found a place where I belonged. I've never had a home I could come back to. And I'm sure this time, I'll never come back here again." I'm NOT crying. But then, she finds a beheaded body the moment she walks through the door.

I gotta say, I laughed a little here because the first thing Alex does after realizing what she’s looking at is to lock the door and close the window shutters. Her first instinct is to try and make sure nobody finds out that one of the boys BEHEADED A MAN in their living room. I mean, yeah she was freaked out by the body, but more so than that, she didn’t want the boys to get in trouble for murder!!! Whether she thinks they did it or not is unclear, but even if they did, it doesn’t matter to her! She trusts them 100%!!! She did meet them murdering Barry and all, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Alex, you boobalicious babe, you’re such a real one!!!!! She might make a great getaway driver, tbh.

Anyways, back to the scenes ruining my life:

By this point in the chapter, I’m just sitting in front of a tissue box with a pile of used tissues in my lap… I’m reading through tears. I can’t see shit.😭😭😭

Right after she tries to cover the boys’ asses for homicide, her train of thought goes down memory lane. Her eyes wander around the room, recalling her life since Barry, and the men who saved her from the streets of Ergastulum, asking for nothing in return. We see a note from Worick and an envelope of money he left for Alex, bloody hand prints everywhere. Even in the midst of him BEHEADING A MAN IN THE LIVING ROOM, making some extremely risky moves, and heading into the lion’s den, he still thought of Alex — not wanting her to get wrapped up in their mess and the turmoil that's enveloping the city. I am bouncing off the walls, crying, screaming… I love them....... The care and love they all have for each other is... *sobbing*

-----------------------

Before moving onto the scene from chapter 56 that I've literally made my desktop background, I wanted to dig a little further into whatever Worick is planning, so I'm going to jump to chapters 50-51.

I said that I don't think Worick filled Nic in on the plan, so I was wondering how Nic felt about what his partner was up to. We get a scene where he looks shocked when he's told, "Your contract holder, Storage (Worick), has committed taboo." And I'M over here like, Nic, are we freaking out? Are we chill? What’s the vibe buddy? I can’t tell if we’re in trouble or not...

But then:

He smiled. Okay, so Nic seems okay with this. Now I can breathe a little.

The flashback scenes of the boys when they were working for Monroe show that they had a good relationship with Miles. It looks like they genuinely cared for each other. Miles even says that if his son was still alive, it would be nice if he was like Worick. So while I still have faith that Worick knows what he's doing, and after being reassured by Nic's smile, I must say the flashback portion did add salt to the wound. At first, when Worick shows up with the head, I started to think if there was any possibility that he didn't actually kill Miles and that it was a trick or something. Later, however, at the end of chapter 43, we check in with Alex and see the beheaded body at the Handymen's home. Unless there's some kind of twist, I guess he really did kill him and that makes me sad after seeing these flashback pages. Now I'm wondering how Worick feels about everything. He's clearly under a lot of pressure. I'd like to see more from him in future chapters about all this.

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And now, the scenes that've been living rent-free in my head...

Captured by the Paulklee Guild, Nic and Alex have some tender af moments. In chapter 53, Alex wakes up and immediately starts asking about Nic's injuries and apologizes for not being able to do anything. He cuts her off by placing the back of his hand over her mouth and responds with this:

Nic: "You missed your chance to hightail it out of here again, slowpoke."

Alex: "...Yeah... I guess I did."

I LOVE THEM!!!🥺❤️

This is the most... what do you even call it? Tender? Loving? Casually comfortable? Whatever it is, they are totally clicking now!!! And it continues in this scene that had me kicking my feet and crying buckets in chapter 56:

Alex: "He's even got scars behind his ears..."

Nic: "...WhAT?"

Alex: "I always thought you were completely different from him."

Nic: "WhAT abOUt NOw?"

Alex: "You suck."

Nic: "Heh."

"No need for you to answer the phone anymore. So what do you wanna do now? You can go back to being a prostitute, or keep chasing after my master. If you wanna keep playing diva, that's fine too. If you wanna break out of here, I'll make it happen."

Alex: "Hm..."

Nic: "ChoOSe wHAteVer yOu WAnt, bECaUse yoU'Re diffERenT fRoM Us."

Alex: "...Yeah."

When she reaches for him, Nic's reflex is to grab Alex's hand when he feels something approaching from behind. Then he notices her hand is injured from when he hurt her during his seizure. There are panels of him before this looking at blood under his nails, probably from digging them into Alex's hand. He lets go and signs, "Sorry." I want to point out, there's NO text box for this sign. I don't know any Japanese sign language other than "thank you" because this manga taught me that one. That's a lie, I also know "kill" which is sure to come in handy. But it's incredible how I know that he signed "sorry" without knowing the sign for it. They didn't put a text box for that sign and they didn't need to! So good. Peak. This is peak fiction I say unironically. They joke and banter while in a grim situation, and it's tooth-rottingly sweet.

Nic, who’s usually on guard, is completely relaxed now. He lets Alex caress him. Worick, who usually has a calm and cool facade on, is tense after his nightmare, unable to keep his usual mask up. He too, lets Alex caress him, and we get mirrored pages of Nic in the current moment and Worick from chapter 16. They trust her and Alex is trusting them after suffering abuse at the hands of others, growing closer to them. All three of them allow themselves to have some vulnerability with one another after living such harsh lives, constantly clawing to survive.

Then, Nic tells Alex to do whatever her heart desires. Whatever she wants, he'll make it happen. She's "different" and doesn't have to be stuck in this crappy cycle like them. But she looks a bit upset when he says this. Like she's mad he thinks they're doomed to live a hopeless existence and to suggest she abandon them for her own sake. I'm hoping that now Alex is mostly recovered from her withdrawals, we'll get to see more of her kindness with the boys and helping them in their time of need like they did for her.

They're so soft.........

I personally don’t perceive any of the intimate scenes we get throughout the manga as romantic. I don’t think there’s going to be a love triangle or that Alex is going to get paired up with one of the Handymen. Especially with the mirrored pages of Nic and Worick from Alex’s point of view in chapter 56 shows she loves them the same. I can understand why people would see these scenes as romantic, because honestly, they’re more ��romantic” and emotional than a lot of romances out there. While talking to my friend, I jokingly referred to this as “platonic romance/romanticized friendship” where you love your homies and family so much and feel you’re able to bare your soul to them. I’m aware that Kohske-sensei has drawn old art of Nic and Alex as a couple, but that isn’t canon so I’m not counting it. You can ship your characters and not make them a couple in canon lol. But if she does go that route, I trust her to do it well.

Brief Shoutouts to Characters I Also Want to Talk About, But This Post Is Already Long Enough

Nina

I already talked about Nina in part one so I won’t say much more. But what’s up with her? Does she have some One Piece Haki powers or something??? Is there something you’d like to share with the class, Nina?

Theo

I’d like to think that Theo isn’t being as reckless with the experimental drug as it seems. We’ve seen that Theo is much kinder than he lets on. He obviously loves Nina (whenever he wraps his lab coat around her, it's so damn cute!!!) and he’s made it his mission to help the oppressed Twilights, even going as far as to make his own generic Cerebret which puts a target on his back. So yeah, Theo is great and I’m hoping he figures out a way to let Nic and the other Twilights live long, healthy lives. And there's a lot about Twilight biology that we don't know, and I hope Theo gets some answers. In particular, I'm curious about their psychology, especially after what happened with Delico and Monroe. And since a lot of the story leans towards a Worick-centric perspective, I want to know more about what Nic's thinking.

Marco and Constance

I want to say a lot but I’m still in mourning right now so I’m just gonna say — Marco, Connie, you guys were such badasses and deserved better… I know Marco was a war criminal but that wasn’t his fault and he’s a sweet guy now, so we’re going to overlook it!

Kohske-sensei, how could you… I actually thought they’d survive.

Loretta

You know the cliche line that goes like, “Someone’s gotta make the hard choices,” or whatever? Yeah, that’s basically what Gina is doing in the latest chapters when she’s refusing to open the guild’s doors to the civilian Twilights. The thing is, people who do this are never making the actual hard choice. What they’re doing is easy — just sacrifice people you don’t care about and turn the other way. Especially easy if you don't have a big guilty conscience. Yes, Gina makes some points about why, and she’s not wrong, but I stand by what I said.

But Loretta? Nah, my girl Loretta is making the real hard choices. Characters who make choices like Gina see two options: A) Help people and inconvenience myself/cause myself to fall with them. B) Oh well. It’s unfortunate but what can you do? — not Loretta though. Those options are unacceptable so she chooses “Option C”, also known as the actual hard choice.

“Option C” in any narrative (and in real life as well) is always the one that takes the most effort and the most commitment. You have to forge the path for “Option C” yourself. Loretta is going to have to put a ton of work in and stay on top of things if she’s going to have any chance of success. Thankfully, not only is she amazing, she’s wise enough to know she can’t do it alone and asks Gina to release Nic, Alex, Nina, and Theo so they can lend a hand.

LORETTA SWEETIE YOU’RE DOING AMAZING! When she was calling Gina out to “make the humane choice” with that look in her eyes, I was like, DAMN GIRL, GET HER ASS! I am rooting for you sis!!!

Veronica

Everyone seems to be blaming the Handymen, and Nic in particular for whatever happened to Veronica. We don't have much to work with, but part of me thinks that Nic and Veronica both had/have the bad habit of overdosing and it didn't end well for her. Like, she bit off more than she could chew and they both had self-destructive tendencies? Maybe... idk. When Gina shot Nic full of downers that one time, she did say, "I believe I've already told you to quit overdosing on Cerebret. Especially the uppers. Do you want to end up like Veronica?" I think Gina cares about him even if she would never admit it, dawww. There is more to it though, but we don't have enough info right now. And I need to stew on her for a while, so I don't have much to say at the moment.

Monroe

The way Monroe spoke about Delico was… a red flag. He likely did the same with Nic. In the Blu-ray extra manga, we see a bit of how he talks about Nic in a similar way when he was a child. Monroe isn’t much different than Gaston Brown. He’s a father figure who uses people, particularly Twilights, as tools/weapons. He’s abusive and manipulative. But his way of going about it is different. He’s won the affection of those he abuses because of his charm and giving a place of belonging and a support system to those who have nothing. These are common reasons why people join gangs in real life as well, but I won’t get into that here. It would be interesting to see more of how the Handymen’s relationship was with Monroe when they were younger. I wonder if they were to look back, would they start to realize signs of his manipulation from their childhoods with their current perspective?

Everyone else

Shoutout to everyone I didn’t name. I love a lot of the characters in GANGSTA. and those who I don’t love, I still find interesting. But, my shoulders hurt so let’s end it here.

I'm... Done...

I feel like I could have picked apart the characters more, panel by panel, and there's stuff in GANGSTA: Cursed, but I had to stop somewhere.

I'm super happy that I finished catching up to this series on chapter 56. I loved the chapter as I've made abundantly clear already, and I can't wait to see how things shake out. So many questions I want answered!

Godspeed, my son.

If you’ve made it this far… you’re a real one 🫡

[luffysus]

I need to talk about Cross Game - Part 1

Lately I've been feeling a bit nostalgic of the old anime/mangas I used to read, so I decided to re-read Touch by Adachi Mitsuru and that not being enough i needed to re-read Rough by the same author. And just like that I was like fuck it I just can't get enough of this author so I decided to give another one of his mangas a try and OMG I am floored. Btw I have some issued with the tropes Adachi overuses in his storytelling and his artstyle but that's for another post. Anyway, Cross Game is absolutely brilliant, this is Adachi at his best dealing with emotions, grief just like he knows. I actually haven't watched the anime adaptation so I'm just going to focus on the manga for now. I'll try to keep it short but I don't think that's even possible cause I have a LOT to say...

While looking for opinions on the series, I came across lots of reviews but mostly from anime watchers and I was often confused because a lot referred to Wakabe as Kou's girlfriend and I was just sat there like huh ??? Did i missread something in the manga that the anime captured lol ? I mean Kou did love Wakabe but the author from the very beginning of the manga went out of his way to show us their relationship was a bit one-sided. Wakabe loved Kou (mind you they were just like 10 year olds at this point in the story so i feel a bit weird calling it "love" lol) but Kou on the other hand was always more interested in her sister Aoba.

The instances are subtle a la Adachi but there are almost in every chapter. It's the way he sets up his panels, the dialogue or silences that sometimes can be so mundane but highlight obvious human emotions, like longing.

Starting from Chapter 1, Kou and Aoba are the first two characters we are introduced to and already in that introduction we have Kou staring at /taking interest in whatever it is Aoba is doing.

And mind you right before this, is a page of Kou staring at bathing suits, and when his father scolds him he basically replies he is a maturing boy so staring at things regarding the opposite sex is normal...almost like the author is outright showing us the what interests this hormonal pre-teen...

The first part of the story being focused on Wakabe and Kou's relationship actually highlights and cements the fact that Kou always liked Aoba differently. It's in the way he wasn't really intereted in keeping that tradition Wakabe wanted of them buying each other gifts every year.

It's the way he would almost always mention Aoba while with Wakabe (I started taking screenshots of the different instances but there were actually like so many I gave up lol I can't post all of them). I will however just touch upon imo the biggest giveaway depicted. It is when they are exchanging birthday gifts and Wakabe spots a newlywed couple. She's obviously emotional and she mentions how the couple will definetely be happy since they got married on a special day (her and Kou's birthday). When I tell you Adachi has a way of setting up his panels...because what comes next is kind of a brutal hint that only Wakabe was in "love". As she is mesmerised by the bride and imagines herself in that position...one day most likely with him... Kou is not listening and is basically thinking about Aoba and trying to emulate her pitching. You can't make this up...

Now this could absolutely be my head canon, but Wakabe being the very perceptive young girl she was, imo figured out Kou liked Aoba that's why she tells Aoba not to take him away from her when he grows up to be the kind of man she knows Aoba will like (aka a pretty damn good baseball player).

When Wakabe tragically dies at that young age, Aoba could never forget that request from her late sister. That's what makes Aoba's struggling to come to terms with her feelings for Kou as they grow up so poignant. Not only does she have to come deal with the grief of losing the sister she was closest to, she also has to fight her growing attraction for Kou so she literally forces herself to exgerrate feelings of hatred him because falling for him meant betraying the late sister she loved so much.

Kou too has some internal conflicts he has to deal with before accepting that he loves Aoba. While he was not romantically interested in Wakabe, he still loved her very much. She was the only constant in his life, always pushing him to become a better person. It's a love that's in a way so much deeper than romantic love. It's the kind of love you feel for a twin (and knowing Adachi this is exactly what he was going with, by setting their birthday the same day and place). Plus like I said because their relationship was bit one side he felt that much more guilt, that she was the one always loving him, always doting on him during their time together. On top of that his feelings for sisters just kept growing...

This is what makes Cross Game so damn heartfelt. The emotions the characters go through are so complex, so human it tugs at your heart. Seeing these two heartbroken people try to cope with the death of loved one while coming into adulthood and dealing with their survivor's guilt, growing emotions... Damn.

I titled this part 1 because I still have so much more to say lmao. I'll stop here for now. Well done to anyone who manages to read all this and if you did I hope this makes you want to watch/read Cross Game.